#people who are or do want to have a qpr PLEASE feel free to add on or correct me i am actively encouraging you

[sl-walker]

The CFAArchive

Okay. So, this is my latest archive (with copious help from @uuuuutan -- who did the final deployment work -- and @squidgiepdx, who is pretty much the OG expert of otw-archive) that is coming closer to deployment. There's a lot of fiddly little stuff I'm doing, but right now, what I'd like, is to hear what people out here might want.

See, Walter and melo and I are all planning or deploying the ~ for QPR relationships (I've still gotta learn how to implement that, but it's on the roadmap for Ad Astra). IE: Character A ~ Character B. But given the CFAA is going to be a comic book archive--

Would it be a good idea to add some manner of adversarial tag for relationships? Like a vs.? Or a symbol we could all agree on that would represent an antagonistic or adversarial relationship?

Please feel free to spread it around comic fandom? And heck, if it proves popular enough, maybe I'll add it to Ad Astra, too. Thanks.

ETA: If you have suggestions for the symbol or whatever, please use the reply or reply in reblog? ^_^

[aroalloasuka]

@aimless-twig okay so first off im so sorry you had to ask me of all people on this post of all posts because i am NOT the person to explain general qprs. to me, personally, i wouldn't even want to use the term to describe that connection, i tagged my post with it solely because i know of others who would use the term.

however, i think the easiest way i can describe it is a close, platonic, connection between two queer people. they do not necessarily have to be aro, although most people who are in qprs are, but they do have some sort of platonic connection deeper than friendship, a friendship that is inherently queer in itself. they may or may not participate in romantic/sexual actions while also not having romantic/sexual attraction to each other.

the people in these relationships have a relationship different from both friendship and romantic partnership that i feel like can only be fully understood by the people involved. like i said before. a special connection that just makes sense to them

[inkdemon-whore]

✦—uwu new pinned—✦

【archives: C.O.R.E. | 2016-'18 | 2018-'20】

tumblr b-day: february 20th, 2016 January 14th, 2016

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al/alta/alex | 23 | he/him | aspec

fandom hopper | proship | atheistic satanist

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╔═⋆promo section⋆═╗

i’m usin the old post format, so this isn’t really working, but here’s my tgftos fanfic “mo chroí” on ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39564708?view_full_work=true

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doin commissions, click here for the post!

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you can also just throw money at me for a cosplay i’m working on. any money i get will be payed as a group/pitch in commission. you can pay $1, $5, $50, whatever you want, so long as the $100 goal is met. when the goal is met, i’ll draw a commission level piece as a thank you to everyone that donated! this goal is set for mid september, and if it isn’t met, i’ll just draw a smaller, less impressive thank you to those who donated

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i'm multi fandom and kinda hyper fixate on one or more for a period of time. here's some fandoms i'm in/i've drawn stuff for:

pokemon ✒

undertale/deltarune ✒

BATIM ✒

steven universe ✒

dream smp ✒

hermitcraft

fnaf ✒

fnf ✒

ddlc

OFF by mortil ghost

yume niki

centaurworld ✒

encanto ✒

the girl from the other side ✒

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AUs/tags ya'll can have cuz i probably won't draw more content for them: player!spamton/darkener!kris (aka tag au), sitting ducks DSMP au/🐷🤝🦆

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blog contains casual swearing, artistic and/or suggested nudity, and maybe sexual jokes. my best assumption of my audience age range is 15 to 30-ish. blog also has some pro-ship stuff. i don't tag swearing or capslock.

here's a blacklist for your filtering needs (it's in account settings [zendesk help], or use tumblr savior [chrome / firefox] or xkit [chrome / firefox]):

★ ya should | ✦ ya could | 〇 if ya wanna

★ NSFW - for text and sometimes added with the tw nudity tag

★ nude - can also include censored/suggested nudity

★ tw ship - for explicitly shippy stuff like brumira or techno and quackity smoochin

✦ ship suggestive - for joke ships, or up in the air shippy vibes. it depends on context and your own view of the art

〇 qpr - queerplatonic relationship

✦ rpf - real people/person fiction, like shipping content creators rather than their smp characters (i don't think i'll ever use this cuz i don't make that stuff, but ya never know)

〇 #🐷🤝🦆 - a qpr qacknobros au tag, adding here because there’s too many to go through and add #qpr to. all of it’s qpr unless tagged with “tw ship”, which is like, one

✦ discourse - there’s not a lot, but it’s a tag if ya need it. it’s mostly if i’m talkin about somethin i’m seein on my dash

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ask and submissions are always open. :P

please, if you like my art, reblog it.

you can use my art as icons, just put "icon by @altadoodler" somewhere visible, like your blog description.

you can also use my art as inspo for fanfiction and fanart! feel free to @ me if ya do so. here's my Ao3 if ya wanna send/gift me fanfics (https://archiveofourown.org/users/ALtaDoodler)

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if i’m on your DNI, just block me. that’s arguably better than me unfollowing you, especially if i’m reblogging your post and you see me in your notes. cuz if i unfollow, i’ll completely forget, probably see your stuff again, and follow again. my memory is trash, just block me so i can’t interact.

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this post will be edited as needed.

a bunch of other stuff, like links n whatnot, that i'm puttin under the cut as to not fill up ppls dash, or mobile viewing of my blog. there's also a lil meet the artist under there that i drew up in like, 20 min, because i realized i haven't done one of those, and it also feels like a good ref for my sona

(tumblrs post beta post editor is fucked rn, i might re-post/re-edit this when it’s not trash, i just wanted to add some stuff while i was thinkin about it)

Dream SMP boundaries carrd: alldreamsmp.carrd.co

Dream SMP boundaries blog: smp-boundaries

My pro-ship answers: [-1-] [-2-] [-3-] tl;dr, it's just art, fiction =/= reality, i do not support irl incest/pedophilia, i should have said something sooner but past events made me want to not say anything about it. i'm willing to have a civil discussion about any further questions ya might have, but don't come into my ask with a "kys", hamster murder story, or anything worse.

don't show content creators my ship art of them :/...

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a carrd i found for pro-ship info: https://learnaboutproshipping.carrd.co

post about proship and purity culture: https://fandomeldersintheirthirties.tumblr.com/post/687012217015730176/demongender-vibes-fozmeadows-star-anise-foz

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other blogs i've made/am a part of that have 0 updates, but still exist:

https://knutmeg-aesthetics.tumblr.com

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/800plus-pkmn-propaganda

https://honest-undertale-confessions.tumblr.com

[aroambergris]

The Fabled A-spec Post I Keep Saying I’ll Make

Since I’m p aro on sideblog + community terms are unknown to people outside the community (as well as those inside the community due to the wipeout exclusionism on the website circa 2016-onward) so I figured I’d make a quick post to let people know abt some of the things I’ll be referring to!

Terms

Allo: someone who is not a-spec; used in front of -romantic or -sexual (ex. alloromantic) or used as a descriptor (ex. I cannot believe everyone else here is allo)

A-spec / Aro-spec / Ace-spec: abbreviation for the spectrum; A-spec as an abbreviation for the entire spectrum, aro-spec as an abbreviation for the aro spectrum, and ace-spec as an abbreviation for the ace spectrum

-> a note: can be written as a-spec or aspec, but due to screen readers/ what I’ve seen dyslexic a-spec people discuss, I use a-spec. I am not dyslexic nor use a screen reader, so I cannot comment on this, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong

Qpr/ qpp: queerplatonic relationship/ quasiplatonic relatonship; queerplatonic partner/ quasiplatonic partner. Qprs do not have a strict set of rules, and as such are hard to describe. They are not romantic nor sexual inherently, though one could be. A qpr can be committed, married, and non-romantic/ non-sexual; they can look like a romantic relationship; they can include sex and sexual elements; they can appear casual; they can be monogamous or polyamorous; they can occur at the same time as a romantic relationship. They’re very moldable. They are a relationship that, as it comes from the aro community, is not inherently romantic, but goes above and beyond traditional societal norms for friendship (though, friends can do everything a qpr does and not be in a relationship labeled as other than friends). To get a better understanding of qprs, I’d suggest looking into community resources and finding other posts a-spec blogs have made about them. AUREA, or aromantism.org, defines them as “A committed non-romantic relationship that goes beyond what is the subjective cultural norm for a friendship. Levels of intimacy and/or behaviors between the partners involved often don’t fit the conventional standards set by society. Some QPRs can include sex and elements that are generally considered romantic. In practice every queerplatonic relationship is different. Abbreviated to QPR, and queerplatonic (quasiplatonic) partner to QPP.”

Squish: a catch-all term for non-romantic and non-sexual attraction; commonly mistaken for a crush

-> a note: there are many other words for different types of attraction (plush for queerplatonic attraction, swish for aesthetic attraction, etc) but squish is a catch-all and used most often

Peach Fuzz: a qpr that pretends to be romantic/ dating for any reason

Zucchini: an old term that became uncommon after exclusionism became widespread; another way to refer to your partner in a QPR (ex. This is my zucchini!)

Amatonormitivity: The assumption that everyone is looking for a long-term romantic relationship; the assumption that romance, marriage, ‘partnering off’, etc, is the only path someone would want to follow in their life

Queerplatonic / quasiplatonic: an attraction that is ‘non traditional’ and not romantic or sexual. A hard to define attraction that is different than platonic attraction but not romantic or sexual

Aplatonic: Someone who does not experience platonic attraction; also a spectrum called the aplspectrum; can be used as an identifier (ex. demiplatonic, greyplatonic, etc)

SAM: the split attraction model, which serves to split types of attraction (ex. aroromantic and bisexual as two different terms used at the same time)

Non-SAM aro, ace, etc: commonly used as Non-SAM aro. People who don’t use the split attraction model (ex. only identifying as aro/ terms related to aro and not ace/ allosexual)

Oriented aroace: a term for people who are aroace who experience another type of attraction larger enough to label it (ex. Lesbian aroace, pan aroace, etc)

Angled aroace: a term for people who are on the a-spectrum (grey, demi, akoi, etc) and who experience a type of attraction that is not romantic or sexual, and feels significant enough for them to label it (ex. see above, angled omni aroace, angled gay aroace, etc)

Relationship anarchy: the belief that no relationship is better than another; instead of a pyramid of relationships, they’re all equal. Not specific to the community, but often discussed

Romance/ sex repulsed/ averse: someone who does not want romance/ sexual relationships/ actions taken towards them. This can go from feeling uncomfortable to getting triggered by these actions. One can be romance repulsed and not sex repulsed, or sex repulsed and not romance repulsed, or both

R/s indifferent: someone who does not care one way or the other about romance and/or sexual actions taken towards them. One might be unwilling to do romantic/sexual actions because they don’t care, or, on the other end of the spectrum, might do them anyway even though they do not feel any real want to. On a spectrum and can apply in any combination, like r/s repulsed.

R/s favorable: someone who likes romantic/ sexual actions and wants to do them. Again, on a spectrum, and in any combination, like the two above. They might seek out romantic/ sexual interactions, enjoy them, and want a romantic/ sexual relationship, despite not feeling romantic/ sexual attraction

-> a note: be careful! Sex negative and sex positive are used to refer to whether you support those who are sexual or not (ie. sex workers, those who are in sexual relationships, etc) instead of whether you specifically feel repulsed/ favorable. Don’t mix the terms up, as they mean two different things

Voidpunk: a section of punk morals/ aesthetic not unique to the aro community but coined in it. The practice of rejecting ones humanity and reclaiming their inhumanity, specifically only to be used by groups that people use inhuman against; a way to cope with dehumanization from oppressors. Not specific to the aro community (also used by poc, neurodivergent people, etc, and the intersection of multiple identities that are called ‘inhuman’) but popular inside it

Soft Romo: a term used for anyone but most often on the aro-spectrum; for people who like to perform stereotypical ‘romantic’ gestures such as dating, etc. without wanting the high-energy kissing, holding hands, etc. A ‘low-level romantic relationship’, where performing high-level romance is not preferred or just not possible due to different aspects.

-> let me know if there’s anything you would like me to add/ explain!

Symbols

[ID: an image of two hands, palm up. The right hand is on the left, and the left hand is on the right. They are resting on a dark grey blanket, and there is a light blue rug behind them. On the middle finger of the right hand there is a black ring. On the middle finger of the left hand there is a white, almost transparent, ring. End ID]

Black ring: a symbol of the ace-spec community. Worn on the right hand, middle finger. A way of identification/ pride in public w/o displaying flags

White ring: a symbol of the aro-spec community. Worn on the left hand, middle finger. A way of identification/ pride in public w/o displaying flags

Cake: a symbol commonly used in the ace community, either as a joke (ex. This cake is better than sex!/ Cake will always be better than sex) or as a symbol

Arrow: a symbol commonly used in the aro community, drawing on the way the words ‘arrow’ and ‘aro’ sound the same. Similar themes (archers, bow and arrow, etc) can also be used

Ace card symbol: the ace of a card deck, commonly used as a symbol in the ace community. While the card usage isn’t often discussed, I’ve found sources discussing each meaning; Ace of hearts-> alloace; Ace of spades-> aroace; Ace of diamonds-> the ace spectrum Ace of clubs-> questioning. Draws on ‘ace’ and ‘ace’ word play; also used in jokes (ex. I have an ace up my sleeve/ Aced it!)

Yellow roses: a symbol commonly used in the aro community. Symbolizes friendship, using the symbolism in the yellow rose

Purple/ Green: the colors in the ace / aro flags, respectively

Yellow: the ‘color of friendship’. Commonly connected to yellow roses.

-> a note: there are many more symbols in each community; space ace, frogs for aros, griffins, dragons, etc. I’d suggest looking up symbols and finding some more yourself! These are just some common ones I have seen frequently

That’s all I can think of right now, but if anyone would like me to add on things / explain more my ask box is always open and I am always willing to edit. People in the a-spec community, please feel free to comment/ correct things/ add on things you feel like I’ve missed! While I did not do a list of identities, I did not want to leave out identities that are lesser known/ made fun of. Again, my ask box is open. I linked AUREA (linked to the FAQ) above earlier (linked to the home page), which is a great site for the aro community if anyone would like to know more.

[raavenb2619]

Sorry if you've answered this before, but I was just curious if you had any advice on writing a queerplatonic relationship?

I’m not a writer, and I also haven’t been in a QPR, so it’s worth asking writers and people who are in/have been in QPRs (even better if it’s people who are both), so some of this might not be super helpful or applicable. 

QPRs are all different; you can’t just copy a QPR between characters A and B and paste it for characters C and D and expect it to just work. The downside is that this means it’s more work for you. The upside is that this means you get to do more worldbuilding/character development. You don’t have to explicitly show or tell the answers to all of these questions, but if you know most/all of them, that’ll help your QPR feel more real and authentic. 

How did your characters learn about QPRs in the first place? They aren’t well-known outside of the aspec community, so if neither of your characters are aspec, maybe they have an aspec friend who told them about QPRs. If one of your characters is aspec, but the other isn’t, did the aspec character have to explain what a QPR is? How did they explain it, and how did the other character react? 

How did your characters decide to be in a QPR together? Did one of them approach the other, asking to be in a QPR? Did one of them approach the other, asking to be in a romantic relationship, and the other declined but asked if they were interested in a QPR? How did your characters navigate their boundaries? What are their boundaries? 

How does being in a QPR affect your characters? Do other characters know they’re in a QPR? Do your characters want other characters to know they’re in a QPR? Do other characters treat their QPR as a meaningful relationship, or do they write it off because it’s not a romantic relationship? Do your characters act differently in different environments? (For example, if one of your characters is romance-repulsed, maybe they aren’t comfortable being affectionate in public because they’re worried about what other people will think, but enjoy being affectionate in private.)

How can you make it clear that your characters are in a QPR? 

If you’re writing in a modern setting/have access to modern queer theory and identity terms, you can just say that your characters are in a queerplatonic relationship. (And explicitly including the phrase “queerplatonic relationship” on the page does so much in terms of representation and education, so please please please try to include it.) 

If you’re writing in a fantasy/historical setting and/or don’t have access to modern queer theory and identity terms, think about how your characters would describe their relationship. They probably have access to some language having to do with romance, as well as language having to do with different kinds of interpersonal relationships (like friendship, sibling, parent-child, teacher-student, enemy, acquaintance, etc). Let your characters express themselves in the way they would. If you have extra information you want to include with your story that doesn’t fit the main narrative framing (say, an list of magical spells, or real-world historical background, or an appendix of worldbuilding details you didn’t get to include in the story), add a section where you talk about your characters and use that space to say that they’re in a queerplatonic relationship/would call it a queerplatonic relationship if they had access to modern terminology. Again, actually using the phrase “queerplatonic relationship” is really important. 

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions. Additionally, you might find posts tagged #writing advice and #qpr helpful.

[raeofgayshine]

Hi! I want to ask something about aromanticism. What do you feel about queerplatonic stuff? I heard queerplatonic relationships are common among aros specifically, and I want to know more about aros who have those kinds of relationships, or their experiences with friendship/bonding in general.

I want to preface this by saying I’m not an aro in a queerplatonic relationship, and I don’t know as of now if that’s something I want. Like in theory I think possibly, but I don’t know if I experience queerplatonic attraction. Honestly, it’s never come up for me, so to some extent, I’m not fully equipped to answer this. 

I have written a few qpr’s, two of my favorite oc’s (Charlie and Julius) are in one, so I have done some research. I personally really love the idea of qpr’s, in my head, it makes total sense that like there’s friendship, but then also there’s queerplatonic attraction (honestly feels far more real to me than romantic attraction ever could). Not only aro people have qpr’s, as far as I’m aware anyone can have them, but yeah they probably are more common amongst aro people. But still not all aro people feel queerplatonic attraction or want to have a qpr and that’s also totally valid, that doesn’t mean they don’t still have friendship and people that they care about. 

Like for me, as far as I have lived so far, I’ve only ever felt like one level of love, if that makes sense. I’ve talked about before how I fall in love fairly easily, and it’s true. I *love* all of my friends, not romantically or queerplatonically, I just *love* them as friends, and as family, but it’s all the same intensity, the same feeling no matter if it’s the friend I’ve known for years or one I met just a few months ago. This is also about the same level of love that I feel for a song that I really enjoy, for characters I’m focused on/have adopted, and for things I just really like like sunflowers and my favorite books. 

But that is my personal experience. It’s not the same for everyone. It also doesn’t make my love any less valid or real just because I only experience one level of it. 

Other aro people are free to correct me, but from what I’ve always understood queerplatonic attraction is a type of attraction/love that feels differently that just that. Not necessarily something more (although some people may refer to it as such). But something different. Again I’ve never actually felt it so I can’t tell you for sure, but that is always how I have understood and wrote it as such. 

People in qpr’s can still be in romantic relationships with someone else. Again they don’t always have to be aro. 

I’m sure there’s more people out there who may be more qualified to answer this, and if anyone has anything to add please do, but I hope I’ve at least sort of given you an answer. If you have any more questions on things maybe I need to clarify or anything, again let me know. 

And happy aro week everyone. <3

[askullandbones]

Hi Skull this is the same anon who messaged you earlier this week. 1st off, thanks so much for your answer. I didn't really realize platonic love is a thing but now that you've said it and I've read about it a tiny bit, I'm starting to think that might be how I feel? Sometimes I even get like... a flutter in my chest thinking about her or even getting a text. But it feels very platonic. Idk feelings are weird! Do you think you'd be willing to talk a tiny tiny bit more about it? Thanks!

Sure! I’m always willing to talk about it.

The little platonic love flutter isn’t uncommon at all for me either. Sometimes when I’m thinking of my friends or feeling lonely and then get a sudden message from them I get the little flutter. It’s feels like you’re an overexcited dog who just saw their owner and went “thats the person I want to talk to!!” There isn’t anything romantic about it, it’s just another feeling of platonic love/affection.

I’m unsure if there are any specifics I can think of about it to expand on though because it’s such an individualized thing. Then when you add being ace/aro into the equation it gets even more complicated because you’re always second guessing yourself thinking “is this what romantic/sexual attraction is supposed to feel like?”

A good way for me to usually determine it for myself is to ask myself a few questions:

Does the feeling also coincide with “I want to have sex with this person”? If the answer is ‘no’ (and for me it always is), then it’s not sexual attraction.

Does the feeling also coincide with “I want to kiss this person and take them out on a romantic dinner”? If the answer is ‘no’ then it’s probably not romantic attraction. (That being said, romance is different for everyone, but this is what’s easiest for me to visualize.)

If you don’t experience either of those things, I would wager a guess what you’re feeling is platonic attraction. You just... love the person. You love being around them and interacting with them. They’re a super close friend.

This is usually at the point where us ace/aro folk who are still interested in relationships start getting confused because... do you want to be in a queerplatonic relationship with this person? But really the only one who can decide that is you and your partner, because being in a QPR is different for everyone.

Maybe nothing changes at all. Maybe you start holding hands. Maybe you start calling them your partner. Who knows! That’s really up to what your comfort levels are.

And I feel at this point is where assholes would be like “lmao that’s just, like, close friends okay??? stop wanting to be a special snowflake and make your relationships queer”.

But really, unless you’re ace/aro, you have no idea what the desire for a relationship without the stigma of romance or sex feels like, so their opinion doesn’t matter.

There’s really nothing wrong with wanting to label your relationships as something new that makes you feel comfortable. When/if I ever enter a relationship I’m going to be using “queerplatonic relationship” to those who understand it or ask for further explanation, because the thought of people assuming I have sex with my partner seriously grosses me out. Maybe your reasons are different, but they’re still valid reasons.

...

I feel like I’ve gotten a little off-topic. Have I? Lmao. I get kinda ranty when it comes to people dissing QPRS.

I hope some of this helped? And if you have any specific questions please feel free to send them in! I’m always happy to answer them.

[representativecharacters]

ace ppl aren't inherently lgbt...

I was going to explain why this is an ugly, untrue ask and how that phrase is exclusionary, but you know what, the posts I linked to did a great job explaining it, and I know there are definitely more out there explaining why this is. And just to nip this in the bud, any discourse asks will immediately be deleted. This blog is meant for celebrating rep, and if needed, pointing out how representation can be better portrayed. It is not, and will never become a discourse blog. 

So, instead, I’d like to take this time to remind my followers that asexuality, aromanticism, and all a-spec identities are not straight and that all people who identify as a-spec are a part of the community!

And, for any followers who are curious, here’s an extra special list of characters who are a-spec, and I hope you all have at least one that you enjoy reading or watching: 

Canon A-spec Characters: 

Todd Chavez - Bojack Horseman: came out as asexual in this season, and the show also explains aromanticism to Todd!) It’s a popular idea that Todd may learn more about aromanticism in the next season and use that label as well, but for now that’s just speculation amongst a few fans. 

Jughead Jones - Archie Comics: explicitly stated as asexual in this comic, but this isn’t new. He has been coded as ace throughout Archie history and is seen by many (including myself) as aro as well! 

Valentina “Voodoo” Dunacci - Sirens USA: romantic asexual, the show was unfortunately canceled but it was a great first start at showing people what asexuality was and providing rep

Raphael Santiago - Shadowhunters: confirmed in-show and by the author that he’s ace! CC also stated that he is aro. He’s also racial rep, which is awesome!

One issue I must note this is an author who changed a character’s identity from bi to pan in a tweet, and has had more problems with rep, making it hard for people to take her word, but in Raphael’s case this simply adds on more rep that’s very much needed. 

Sherlock Holmes: confirmed as ace by Benedict Cumberbatch and I believe Moffat. 

Issue: the show and actor’s comments can be more than a little problematic, there are also the books and various other versions of Sherlock. 

Varys - Game of Thrones: Aroace. Unfortunately he’s never labeled because in the GOT world these terms do not exist, but in the show he explicitly states that he has never been interested in people in any romantic/sexual way.

Gerald Tippett - Shortland Street: Unfortunately I don’t know much about this character beyond him being asexual. 

Daryl Dixon - The Walking Dead: confirmed as asexual by the show’s creator. 

Issue: The creator also described him as “straight”, and “somewhat” asexual, making me worry that he doesn’t (or to be fair, since this is from 2014, that 3 years ago he didn’t) have a good grasp on what asexuality is, but Daryl is still confirmed as ace. 

Sally Grissom - Ars Paradoxica: She’s asexual, and while I don’t listen to the podcast, it’s been described to me in a submission that her fellow LGBTQIA+ friends accept her and her identity. 

Roshanna Chatterji - Secret Six (2008)/The Movement (2013): An asexual and Bengali superhero! 

Poppy - Huge: Not a character I found a lot on, but she came out as asexual on the show. 

7 Books With Asexual Leads 

Coded and/or Seen As A-Spec: 

Charlie Weasley - Harry Potter: while a minor character, JKR stated that he’s not gay, but not interested romantic relationships/”just more interested in dragons”, leading many to headcanon him as aro and/or ace.

Castiel - Supernatural: commonly headcanoned as asexual by members of fandom. 

Most of the Doctors - Doctor Who: most of the threads I’ve seen have described his versions as being coded as asexual. 

Daniela Velazquez - Sense8: admittedly my own personal headcanon, but Dani is shown to not be romantically attracted to any character on the show. She shows sexual attractions, but has no interest in romance and is in a functional dynamic with two gay men in the show, and they describe themselves as a trio and act, in my opinion, as an example of a QPR. 

Sheldon Cooper - The Big Bang Theory: many articles are written about it, here’s one speaking about his identity and another that explains one of the issues with the way the show has gone. 

Issues: The show is incredibly problematic, and there are different posts on why it’s sexist and written poorly. 

Books with asexuality (contains a mix of characters who are explicitly asexual, or could be read as asexual). 

Aspec books 

This awesome list of characters who ace members have identified with/relate to! 

If anyone has any characters you want to add (esp if they have other aspec identities, which I unfortunately couldn’t find!), or corrections to make, please feel free to reblog and add them! 

[kidrat]

Things that would help aros a hell of a lot more than making ‘you are valid’ posts:

(aka ideas for being a good ally)

Literally any discussion at all about aromantics who aren't also ace. Just recognise they exist and don’t leave them out of positivity edits and the like.

Make an effort not to see aros as just a ‘type’ of ace. Its an identity all by itself and even for some aroaces like myself its our more important identity. ie. ‘some people are aromantic’ rather than ‘some asexuals are also aromantic’

Stop using the phrase ‘more than friends’ (especially when discussing QPRs I'm begging u pls) or ‘just friends’, the implication that platonic love is the lowest type is tiring and upsetting.

Don’t fill your ship meta with ‘proof’ the characters like each other just because they hugged or were vaguely nice to each other one time. I’m not saying you can’t see things through a shippy lens and be happy your otp had a heart to heart but that doesn't make them canon.

Please stop assuming romance repulsion equates literally just to ‘yelling at people for holding hands in public’. We don't do that, we all feel bad enough for being repulsed by PDA in the first place and I’d personally rather die than bring attention to something that makes me feel like a bad person.

Don’t just assume the aros in your life are always down to hear about how you love your partner so much/are lonely without a partner/can’t wait to get married/are sad that someone you like only wants to be friends etc. They might be fine with it but its a good idea to ask. 

Speaking of the aros in your life, please listen when they tell you they’re feeling bad about themselves or lonely and don’t dismiss their worries.

Write gen fic. Please. So many aros feel shut out of fandoms because all anyone cares about is ships. Plus, writing fics based just on characters rather than relationships is a great way to analyse your faves and expand your writing skills.

This one’s more about intracommunity discussion, but young aros need accounts from older ones about how they worked out their QPR or how they manage living alone, or anything else relevant to coping with a romance obsessed society. Maybe instead of clogging tags with 100 posts on how you want every aro to have a good day you could reblog useful resources for us.

I know you all love soulmate AUs but I’ve seen roughly two that haven't made me feel awful about myself so please consider what affect your post about how everything’s black and white and awful until you meet The One will have on aros.

Other aromantics feel free to add on, alloromantics feel free to ask questions!

[aroacepositivityplace]

Hi. I'm still questioning what my romantic orientation is but I'm thinking I'm gray-romantic. Normal romantic relationships never appealed to me and seem kinda strange. Queerplatonic sounds more like what I want but I'm not sure. Do you know if someone could be in a queerplatonic relationship and still refer to one another as a boy/girlfriend? And could you explain queerplatonic relationships a bit? Sorry if I sound ignorant, I'm just really confused.

Hi, anon. You don’t sound ignorant at all. All too often, it’s hard to find information on things relating to orientation. It’s often even harder to try to figure out our own experiences. It’s more than okay to be confused or unsure. The fact that you’re willing to sit down and think about these things takes a lot of bravery and I’m proud of you.

People in queerplatonic relationships can refer to once another as anything they’re comfortable with. They can call one another partners, datemates, boy/girlfriends, literally anything they’re okay with. Calling your queerplatonic partner one of the above names would certainly convey to other people that you’re in a devoted relationship in a way that doesn’t force you to give all the details on the attraction you and your partner experience. It could also be a preference of vocabulary. No matter what, though, it absolutely does not invalidate a QPR and the people in it if you don’t want to use the “regular” QPR vocab.

It’s hard to explain QPR’s because they’re almost all different and English is very limited in words available that describe different types of love. People in a QPR don’t have romantic feelings towards one another. However, that doesn’t mean that they don’t love one another in different ways. It’s a deep, deep bond that goes beyond traditional friendship. Depending on whether or not the people in a QPR enjoy sex or touch, there’s different levels of physical intimacy from QPR to QPR. Many people want to live with their queerplatonic and have kids with them. Many people’s QPR’s resemble traditionally romantic relationships and others more closely resemble friendships from the outside. There’s no wrong way to have a QPR. Do you want to call your relationship or the type of relationship you’re interested in a QPR because you feel that it doesn’t meet the definition of a traditional romantic relationship or it feels deeper than a traditional friendship? Congrats! You are more than entitled to do so!

While QPR’s are very common to aro-spec and ace-spec people, anybody of any orientation can be in a QPR.

The feelings associated with having a queerplatonic partner are often called having a “squish” in the aro community. I’m head over heels for one of my friends even if I don’t love her in a sexual or romantic way remotely. I would be in a QPR with her at the drop of a hat if she asked if I wanted to do so. She’s more than just my best friend and I would love to live with her and support her in any way I can. She’s definitely my squish.

Being a-spec is very difficult sometimes because we’re told that having an interest in someone (especially if they’re of the opposite binary gender) means you like them romantically. It took me a long time to realize that no, that feeling was actually just a desire to get to know that person better because they were cool and the idea of getting in a traditional romance is exceedingly unappealing to me. And then there was figuring out that having a squish isn’t just having a really good friend. I have really good friends who I don’t have squishes on. Friendship and squishes aren’t the same.

Some a-specs don’t like traditional relationships OR QPR’s and that’s all perfectly okay. If someday you decide to enter a QPR, that’s awesome. If it works for you, that’s awesome. If it doesn’t work for you, that’s awesome. Please remember that there’s a lot of different kinds of bonds you can have with people and whether or not you are in a relationship of any kind doesn’t add or subtract from your value as a person.

Sorry to blab about myself during this, I was trying to pull in some concrete examples rather than talking in abstract. I hope that I said something helpful. I have a QPR tag on this blog that may be of some use (#QPR) if you’re looking for more info. Please know that you’re always welcome to send another ask or a private message if you want to talk more, anon. I could also try to help you find other a-spec blogs that take questions as they might be able to shed some light on this where I’m falling short.

If anybody has additional info to offer anon, please feel free to add on!

[bookwyrmling]

can you please explain the difference between qpr and just a close friendship? I'm confused

Honestly, this is a difficult question to answer, because queerplatonic is a label for a bond between two people.  What some people call a close friendship, others may call queerplatonic.  This may be because they are unaware of the term or may simply choose to not use it for personal preference.  Or maybe their personal definition of queerplatonic requires something that even their closest friendships do not hold.  Everyone defines interpersonal relationships differently.  I’ve had people ask if someone I’m really close friends with was a significant other because the way they defined relationships was different from the way I did.  Our bonds with people are something that are constantly in flux and something that we, as individuals, decide how to label.  Queerplatonic is simply one way of labeling a relationship.  Some people find it helpful; others don’t.

A lot of people connect queerplatonic relationships with the same exclusivity of a romantic relationship, but people in romantic relationships can also have queerplatonic partners and, just as polyamory exists, people can have multiple queerplatonic relationships.  Sometimes the exclusivity is there.  Two people move in together and spend the rest of their lives together.  Sometimes it isn’t.  That does not make it any less valid.

There is, generally, more of a commitment than a lot of people would put into even a close friendship because you are basically building your lives together.  Queerplatonic partners may live together.  If they don’t, communication is important and they still see each other with great regularity, maybe staying at each other’s places a couple nights a week or having lunch together regularly or even going on non-romantic dates.  Generally, it includes the same effort and commitment society expects you to put into an alloromantic/allosexual relationship, but might find odd if you placed it in a friendship.

The defining factor, in most cases, though, is going to be intimacy.  Not physical, of course, but mental and emotional.

For me, personally, there is a difference.  I have very close friendships but we still have clear delineations between our lives, even when we’ve lived together.  There are limits to our mental and emotional intimacy and commitment to each other.  They have parts of their lives that I, as a friend, do not have rights or privileges to and vice-versa.  A queerplatonic partner would be someone I could build a life with (I do not think it would have to specifically be one, but considering how private I am, it likely would take a bit for me to find multiple people I could build this sort of relationship with).  Basically, they would be someone with whom those delineations would blur or become non-existent.  Taking an allosexual/alloromantic relationship, with all its emotional and mental intimacy and dedication and taking out the sexual and romantic attraction doesn’t suddenly make it the same as a purely platonic friendship, it just takes out all the stuff that I, as an aroace, see as unnecessary or simply do not do.  I can build a life with someone that does not include sex or romance.  I can cuddle and hold hands with someone I care about because platonic physicality is important and an amazing way to show someone you care.  I can hold deep conversations about shared interests or a movie we just saw and turn around and have the stupidest drunk conversation ever.  I can share a life with someone and love them even if that love is not sexual or romantic because love exists in as many ways as there exist people on this earth and probably even more than that.

I do not know if this helps, or not.  Basically, the takeaway is interpersonal relationships are messy and you, as an individual, need to define them for yourself.  Do some soul-searching, do research, ask questions, including to people who may have more experience in what you’re looking into.  But, ultimately, you and the people you are in any relationship with need to be the ones to pick the language you want to define it.

If you have other questions or want clarification, please feel free to send another question my way and I’ll do the best I can to help.  You can also check AVEN (here is a thread that even deals with this specific topic) or with specific aro or ace blogs here on Tumblr to get a wider variety of answers or more detailed or experienced information.  I only just learned about asexuality and aromanticism a few years ago and have identified with it for about as long, so I’m still learning a lot, too.

If anyone has anything else constructive to add, please feel free to do so.

[fuckyeahasexual]

Anon Submission On Arophobia and What Alloromantics Can Do  So on the recent things with Jughead and the erasure of his aromanticism, as an aroace who’s been hurt by this, I kinda wanted to, discuss the general issue? Aromantic erasure, throwing aros under the bus, those are things that aren’t rare, even in the ace community.

Edit Notes: title added and under read more for length concerns.

 I’m not sure this is the best time to talk about this so feel free to delete this ^^ While I think it’s an important subject, I’m kinda (really) salty right now and might have rude wordings without realizing it, I apologize in advance. And I also apologize for my strange English, it’s not my native language so I hope it’s understandable.

I want to first state that it’s something that’s a very logical and understandable (while it’s wrong and rude, obviously) way to act, to appeal to straight people (even unconsciously) and be accepted in our society. It’s also done by other members of the bigger LGBTQ+ community, so really, don’t feel too bad about it, it’s something we can change together, we just have to be aware of what we’re doing, and that we don’t need to put that much efforts so that allo people can relate to us. We’re already enough.

I want to begin with pieces of “advice” for alloromantic aces not wanting to hurt us aros? It’s obviously not complete, just what I came with on the top of my head.

First, stop sentences like “more than friends” or “just/only friends” or anything along those lines. We must get rid of the idea that romantic love is “more” or “better” or “more important” than platonic love. Romantic love is not inherently more, society puts it that way, doesn’t mean it’s right! Romantic and platonic love are different, romance is not the “promotion” of friendship, it just isn’t. (One could be alloromantic and value friendship more, even though our society tends to make this invalid. Just understand that, because to you, romance might be more, it’s just a “you” thing. Not the same for everyone, not “the right way to see things”).

Stop saying “love” when you only mean “romance”. Romance is not the only kind of love. Family, friends, community, and many others! They’re just as beautiful. “Romantic love” is perfectly accurate. At least we know what you’re talking about, isn’t it even better? 

Consider and value your friends. Seriously. Honestly, that’s some general advice, not really aro related but it’s still relevant. You won’t go through life with romantic love only. I feel like it needs to be said, sadly.

Try to be generally aware of our existence. No, not all aces are aro, and vice versa. That much is true. However, a great part of the community is aroace. While consuming media, try to recognize arophobia, hurtful amatonormative* tropes, or even when characters could be read as aro/are heavily implied to be.

Aces have more awareness than aros! (Even though it’s still ridiculously low) Don’t tag “aro” for ace only stuff, that’s rude :’) (yeah, it still happens A LOT) It’s taking space in our tags and confuses kids so, not nice. We deserve some space for us too.

Challenge amatonormativity*! Tell your friends you love and value them. Don’t cancel on them because your datemate asked something at the last minute (general again I guess, but again, it needs to be said). Don’t pester us with romance all the time.

“IRL” stuff maybe? If you have aro friends. Respect our boundaries. Many of us (not all) are romance-repulsed. Respect that we can be comfortable when you talk about romance. Respect that we can only see that much of PDA before we’re uncomfortable. 

Also, let us enter talks about romance if we want to? If someone’s aro and romance neutral/positive…or don’t assume we don’t like some romantic story (real of fictional) just because we’re aro. Being outsiders to the toxic dating culture, we may be able to identify bad and toxic signs more easily. 

If we like to be physically affectionate, don’t take that as a “proof” we’re not really aro. Some of us like to do romantically-coded things with our friends. We just don’t feel them as romantic.

QPR (Queer/Quasiplatonic relationships) are a thing. Platonic marriages are a thing. 

If you’re a shipper, don’t yell at us when we ship platonically characters you ship romantically. Please stop.

Be there when we crumble because of arophobia. Some days are really rough. To sum it up: don’t treat us the way acephobes treat you. We have many things in common, even in the way the prejudice against us shows (does that make sense?)

“Why does it matter?” you ask. Because yesterday, I ended up in tears because or arophobia. Because people treat me totally normally when I say I’m ace (yeah, I have many ace friends so it’s seen as kinda normal in my friend group), but look at me like I’m a monster the minute I say I’m aro. Because people, confusing love and romance, tell me I don’t know how to love, when I was sacrificing everything for them just the day before. Just because one time, I wasn’t able to help, I lose all my worth because I lack romantic attraction. Because someone I called a friend harassed me for weeks after I came out, because it wasn’t possible, and apparently wrong of me.

Because my love is dismissed, because I only have one friend who supports the aro part of me (she’s ace!) and I can’t help but feel so grateful when it should be normal. Because people tell me I’m boring because I’m aro, because I’m seen as a waste because of my identity (this one, both for being aro and ace), because people tell me it’s sad I won’t ever be happy. Because I obviously can’t be without romance. It should sadly sound familiar to alloro aces…

Just like we aren’t less because of our lack of sexual attraction, aros aren’t less because of the lack of romantic attraction. Both communities have so much in common but are throwing each other under the bus, and it’s making my situation, as an aroace, really…othering and distressing.

(*Little add if needed : Amatonormativity is “the assumption that a central, exclusive, amorous relationship is normal for humans, in that it is a universally shared goal, and that such a relationship is normative, in the sense that it should be aimed at in preference to other relationship types”)

I’m sorry for this very long…rant? I just feel really, really frustrated right now. The Jughead thing was just the straw that broke the camel for me because it’s such great representation, and it did address aphobia, although lightly in a great way. Please note that this is just my perspective, other aroaces probably don’t feel the same way! 

Thank you for reading, and, @mods, thank you for the post you made about us being allowed to be angry. It means a lot. Again, it’s a long and moody post, so I understand if you just want to delete! It’s an ace blog after all, I don’t want to flood it with aro issues (:

[viewfromtheconny]

Four straight losses. Couldn’t be happier.

Boy have we been on a run. No not THAT run. The run before. The run that consisted of five wins and a draw in seven games. That was a great run. And came off the back of an awful run of six losses in a row through December.

Holloway’s tenure has seen more ups and downs in the results department than the Shivering Timbers (look it up if you can be bothered). But the ups and downs have left this particular supporter more than happy with the way things are shaping up.

Since I last wrote on here we’ve got to the magic 50 point mark with relative ease although we’ve always been flirting with the lower half of the table. We’ve had some good performances that have got us no points. Some poor performances that have got us all three and some excellent performances that have got me thinking we’re heading towards somewhere half decent.

Reading away and Newcastle away (a 2-1 win and a 2-2 draw) were particularly pleasing in terms of application and intent. A 4-1 win away at Birmingham and a 5-1 win at home to Rotherham were no less pleasing for the fact they were against opposition clearly struggling. Lots of goals. Lots of desire. A little invention and lots of players finding the back of the net.

Recent performances away to Brighton and Villa deserved far more than the nothing we got. But we go into the last five games of the season reasonably free from relegation worries if not completely out of the woods or finishing on fire.

But there’s no pleasing some people. A run of losses is often taken out of context and the bigger picture is forgotten. And it’s the bigger picture I’m most interested in.

Holloway has been tinkering. And some people don’t like that. Fair enough. I understand the frustration with the lack of consistency in picking the first eleven. Especially when we often seem to have cracked it only for the team to change in the very next game. I, on the other hand, am thoroughly enjoying the airing the squad are getting. For the first time in - for want of a more technical phrase - yonks, I’m watching bright young players fighting for the position and asking questions of all of us. 

I wonder how many supporters who go regularly can confidently name their best eleven. I know I can’t. For the first time in ages we have real options. Options in the same positions, options in formations, options in attitude. There’s a lot there to tinker with and Holloway is certainly doing that.

Three at the back? Tried it. Some success. Some failure. Maybe some personnel changes needed if it’s to work properly. Is Lynch reliable enough? Is Onuoha? Do we have wing backs who push forward enough in Perch and Bidwell? Can Furlong and hamalainen develop into that role and can Robinson stay fit enough for it to work for him.

Straight back four seems to work OK but do we pull up trees when we play like that? Maybe not. 

Which system works better with which midfield combination? Luongo is hitting some fine form and adds quality. Manning is a tiger on his day but still young and needs cotton wool. Surely we have to fit Freeman into whatever formation we end up using most regularly. My new favourite player by miles. Where does Cousins fit in when he’s fit. Is Pavel always worth a starting birth or is he, like Mackie, one to bring in and out when needed? Goss is so highly thought of at Man U there must be more to come from him in a holding role. Hall is already proving his quality in that position. How much time does Ravel need to light the touch paper on his career or is he one firework that is never likely to explode?

Up front Matt Smith has proved wonderfully effective but will always draw accusations of us playing negatively when he starts. Conor has improved his goal ratio but is he honestly a 20 a season man (I love him but I seriously have doubts now)? Can Sylla add an all round aspect to his undoubted goalscoring abilities? Is Yeni a striker? He seems to play all over the place and I can’t quite get an angle on him although I like his contribution. Is Lua Lua staying? I bloody hope so, to me he’s been fantastic every single time he’s played. Not a goalscorer but certainly someone who creates space for others by consistently beating his man.

In short we have a shitload of options and all of them are interesting. When was the last time we could honestly say that? No wonder Holloway is tinkering. There’s a lot to learn and so much of it is good. The possibilities are endless and using the second half of the season to try them seems like great sense to me. 

It’s also dead entertaining! I’m actually enjoying my football at the moment. Each week comes with some surprises and a chance to look at players myself and form opinions. Interesting. And this time I care. These aren’t old dogs picking up one last big pay cheque. These are players who want to play for us. And often they are young. Under Holloway I’ve been lucky enough to see home grown talent flourish. Manning has been excellent early doors befor tailing off a little and I think Holloway is giving him the protection he needs now. Furlong too is an interesting young talent who we need to strike a very careful balance with. Enough games to give him the experience he needs to step up. Not too many to expose clear weaknesses which need working on. Doughty and Petrasso remain on the fringes but with a role to play. Wonderful stuff from Holloway. Recognising that this is what real fans want to see. Something to build on. Something to enjoy watching the development of, even at the expense of instant success.

Some fans moan. Inconsistent team selection shows he doesn’t know his best eleven. Why should he? We are a work in progress and always will be. We can’t buy in finished articles. Nor do I want to. I’m happy to sacrifice consistency for information. I don’t want to be consistently boring and shit as we were under JFH. I prefer the roller coaster ride we’re on now and the possibilities it throws up. Who the fuck needs consistency at this stage of our development and this stage of the season? What good will that do us right now? Tinker away. Go on great runs and bad ones too. Learn more. Develop more young players and give them confidence. That’s the spirit of this great club. The spirit of the underdog who punch above their weight. The reality is we can never be consistently brilliant so let’s find our way with players who care and see a future for themselves here.

That’s what Holloway and Ferdinand are bringing back to QPR. Ferdinand takes great credit for what he’s doing long term in my opinion. Signings have been excellent in the main and he isn’t letting the manager run roughshod over the whole thing like Hughes and Redknapp did which basically ruined the last few years for us. Ferdinand it seems has a vision which goes back to the great days. Develop young talent. Buy in players with something to prove. Sell them at profit. Trust me youngesters, it’s a philosophy that made us a great side three whole times in the forty years I’ve been a supporter. The Redknapp/Hughes way just doesn’t work for us. It’s crippled us and I think Ferdinand has to take great credit for putting a stop to the whole thing..

Four losses in a row and enjoying it as much as ever over the last few years. Embrace the uncertainty I say. Be happy we actually have options and a manager brave enough to explore them. However the last few games pan out, I’m finally looking forward to a new season more than ever. I feel we have our club back.