#please forgive me for constantly forgetting to post here

[ash-underdash]

Our current detective agency!!!

[blueberrybirdsworld]

Out of frame 4/4 Alternate Ending

Summary : Y/N and Lando Norris have been together for three years. Their relationship is real, steady, and full of quiet love but always behind the scenes. While fans know they’re a couple, Lando has never posted about her, avoids public displays of affection, and never mentions her in interviews. At first, Y/N understood. She believed it was about privacy, about protecting what they had. But over time, being constantly left out of frame has started to hurt.

Genre : angst, SMAU

Faceclaim : @suanbeiii

Main Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Texts messages

Lando: Y/N Please It’s you. In the pictures. Those are ours. From Monaco. From my birthday. I didn’t cheat on you. I swear to God. I was drunk and missing you so bad I thought… I don’t know. I thought you’d know it was you. That it would mean something.

Lando: I wasn’t trying to disrespect you I didn’t tag you because… because I didn’t know if I was allowed to anymore. After everything.

Lando: But it’s always been you God, Y/N I’m sorry. Please talk to me

Y/N: No, Lando. Not this time.

Lando: What? Baby please... Talk to me

Y/N: Do you even hear yourself? You posted me at 4AM drunk, no context, no tag, no explanation And now I’m supposed to what? Be grateful? Because you finally remembered I exist? I don’t care if it was me in the pictures. I don’t care if you were sad or drunk or missed me.

Lando: Please don’t do this I didn’t meant to hurt you

Y/N: But you did. Over and over and over again.

Lando: I didn’t mean for it to feel that way I thought I was protecting us

Y/N: No. You were protecting you. From judgment, from fans, from commitment You never wanted us to be real unless it was convenient for you Unless someone called you out Unless your PR team started sweating And then suddenly, you’d remember I existed

Y/N: I was there, Lando When you looked straight through me When you told me I was exaggerating When you said, “Which girlfriend?” Do you know what that felt like? Do you know what it's like to hear the man you love erase you in front of the entire world?

Lando: I was nervous. It was a joke. I didn’t mean it... I panicked

Y/N: You always panic You always run You always blame everyone but yourself I begged you to acknowledge me Not because I needed the attention But because I needed to feel chosen. And instead, I got late-night drunk texts and apologies only after your team told you to.

Y/N: I’m done, Lando I am so fucking done

Lando: Y/N please You don’t mean that We can talk We can fix this We always do

Y/N: No. We don’t. I forgive You forget And we go in circles But this time, there’s no circle left Only a line And I’m walking away from it

Lando: Don’t go Please. I’ll change I’ll post you I’ll talk about you I'll do anything Just… don’t leave like this

Y/N: You should’ve done all of that when I was still here

Y/N: I’m just done begging to be enough You lost me, Lando

Lando: Please don’t do this I’m sorry I’ll do better I’ll prove it

Y/N: I don't need proof Goodbye, Lando.

Instagram Story: @your_username

"Hi everyone, I want to confirm that Lando and I are no longer together.

This has been a very personal and painful decision, and while I know there’s been a lot of noise online, I ask for your understanding and respect.

To be clear: this is not about cheating. No one crossed that line.

We’ve simply grown apart in ways that made continuing our relationship impossible.

Thank you for the love and support, it means more than I can say."

@your_username

First step after a breakup: dye your hair. 💗✂️

@_user1 SHE’S IN HER ERA. DO NOT DISTURB. 💅🏼💖

@_user2 No because the breakup glow is ACTUALLY real???? she looks better than ever 😭

@_user3 you mean to tell me lando let THIS go?? jail immediately

@_user4 the hair. the vibe. ICON BEHAVIOUR.

@_user5 she dyed her hair pink and left him in the dust 😭 we’re witnessing power

@_user6 I’m crying over the breakup but also like… she’s clearly THRIVING and that’s beautiful 🥹🩷

@_user7 somewhere lando is breathing into a paper bag and honestly? he should be

@_user8 girl i was sad for 2 minutes but now?? now I’m in love with you instead 💘

@_user9 okay but she looks so peaceful?? like she finally exhaled after holding her breath for 3 years

@_user10 not to be dramatic but this hair is a soft reset and I support it fully

@_user11 I miss them but… she looks too good😭

@_user12 he never deserved her and this confirms it. she’s the main character now ✨

Texts messages

Lando: I saw your post. You dyed your hair pink. God, you look so beautiful it actually hurts.

Lando: You really did it. You’re gone. And I don’t even get to say goodbye.

Lando: Why did you send someone else to get your stuff? I opened the door and it wasn’t you. It felt like being stabbed.

Lando: You couldn’t even look at me? You didn’t want to see me one last time? I get it. I know I deserve that. But it still destroyed me.

Lando: Can we just talk? One conversation. No pressure. No begging. Just… one moment of honesty before we never speak again. Please.

Lando: I hate how I treated you. I hate every second I made you feel alone, or unwanted, or invisible. I hate that I turned the girl I loved into a stranger because I couldn’t grow the fuck up.

Lando: I would give anything to go back. To not freeze up every time I had the chance to show you off. To not make you beg for love I should’ve offered freely.

Lando: I’m a fucking mess. I’m not eating. I’m not sleeping. I go to bed hoping I don’t dream of you But I always do.

Lando: You were right About everything. And I was too stubborn and scared to admit it until I lost you.

Lando: Please. Say something. Yell at me. Hate me. I’ll take anything but this silence.

Lando: Do you hate me? Do you think I’m beyond saving? Because I might be. I’m breaking, Y/N. Completely.

Lando: I miss you. I love you. I’m so fucking sorry.

No reply

@F1LiveMoments 📍Jeddah, Saudi Arabia

NEWS: Lando Norris appeared noticeably low and withdrawn during the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix weekend.

The McLaren driver refused to speak to media, barely interacted with fans, and seemed visibly affected throughout the paddock. His race result only added to the growing concern surrounding his current state.

This marks his first public appearance since his reported breakup with long-term girlfriend Y/N, just days after cheating rumors flooded the internet following a cryptic Instagram post.

While sources close to the team remain tight-lipped, fans and insiders alike are noticing a clear shift in Lando’s behavior and performance.

@_user1 man looks like he hasn’t slept in days 😔

@_user2 first time I’ve seen him walk through the paddock without smiling. this is bad

@_user3 you can feel the regret in these pictures. he fumbled and now he’s unraveling

@_user4 can’t lie I was mad at him but this? this is rough to see.

@_user6 the breakup was just last week it's normal he is still crashing emotionally. let them have a private life for real

@_user7 “no interviews” = “I’m afraid I’ll cry if I speak” 😞

@_user8 not defending his actions but I hope someone is checking on him fr. man looks hollow.

@_user9 you can’t ghost your girl for 3 years and expect to be okay after she leaves 😕

@_user10 or maybe just stop talking about it all the time, let the man forget it

@your_username

Old memories out, new sun in. ☀️🍑🌊

@_user1 She’s literally glowing STOPPPP 😭

@_user2 this is her soft girl healing era and we’re just lucky to witness it

@_user3 she’s even more prettier now she dump Lando

@_user4 can we stop bringing up Lando in her comments?? she’s allowed to move on. it’s called growth.

@_user6 why are y’all still tagging him?? he’s her ex. let her live 💅🏼

@_user8 so proud of you for leaving what didn’t serve you, you’re glowing from the inside out 🥺🧡

@_user9 every girl deserves a post-breakup glow like this one 🙌

@landonorris You look happy.

@_user1 OH HE’S HERE. he really came to cry under her post huh 😭 @_user2 “you look happy” yeah cause you’re not in the frame bro @_user3 Lando please let her post in peace 💀 @_user4 he sounds like he typed this while lying face down on the hotel floor @_user6 stop with the “he’s suffering” comments. she suffered in silence for 3 years. let her thrive now. @_user7 people still crying over Lando like she hasn’t outgrown that whole chapter 😭😭

Texts messages

Y/N: Lando. Please don’t comment on my posts like that again.

Lando: I’m sorry. I saw the pictures and… I couldn’t help myself. You looked happy. I meant what I said.

Y/N: I know. But people online are already saying too much about us. You commenting just throws more gas on the fire.

Lando: You're right. I didn’t think. Again. I’m sorry.

Y/N: It’s okay. I just… want peace now.

Y/N: That being said… I think we should talk. Face to face. Just to end things properly. I still have my big suitcase at your place too.

Lando: Our place.

Y/N: No, Lando. Your place. I never loved Monaco. I only moved there for you.

Lando: God. I didn’t know. You gave up so much for me. And I made you feel like you were just… background.

Y/N: We both made choices. I just want to close this out with clarity.

Lando: Okay. We can meet. Whatever day works for you.

Lando: But… why do you even need the suitcase?

Y/N: I'm going to Japan. I got the job offer I dreamed about for years. I’m moving next week.

Lando: ...Japan? Seriously?

Lando: You’re going to live there? Now when I think of Japan I always think about the weekend I messed up

Y/N: It wasn’t just that weekend, Lando, if I’m being honest… I think you started losing me a long time ago.

Lando: I know. God, Y/N. I know.

Lando: I keep going back over it all. Every time you reached out and I shut down. Every time I told you you were asking for too much when really, you were just asking to be loved out loud.

Y/N: I don’t want to rehash it all.

Lando: And you’re really moving? Just like that?

Y/N: It’s not “just like that.” It’s everything I held back on for years. And now I’m not holding back anymore.

Lando: I always thought I’d have more time to fix it. To fix us.

Y/N: Time ran out the moment you didn’t notice I was slipping away. Japan is a new beginning. And I’m not looking over my shoulder anymore.

Y/N: We’ll meet in Monaco this weekend. One last time.

@your_username 📍Tokyo, Japan

I still can’t believe I get to wake up here now 🌸🍜✨

@_user1 this is HER ERA. she’s glowing, peaceful, and unstoppable 🥹❤️

@_user2 she really said “new country, new chapter, no regrets” 😭✨

@_user3 I’m sobbing??? this feels like the start of a movie and she’s the main character

@_user4 Tokyo’s lucky. she’s magic and we all know it

@_user6 you deserve every beautiful moment this city gives you 💖

@_user7 remember when she was just “someone’s girlfriend”? now she’s everything

@_user8 I’m so proud of her 🥺

Texts messages

Lando: It’s 2AM again I can’t sleep. I haven’t really, since you left.

Lando: It’s been five months and nothing feels right. Not the car. Not the races. Not even the silence I used to love. I go home to empty walls and even emptier thoughts.

Lando: They say time helps but it doesn’t. It just… stretches the ache further apart. I’m still there. With you. At the airport. At the door. Watching you leave with your suitcase.

Lando: I can’t drive right. I don’t smile. The team notices. The fans notice. Everything feels wrong without you.

Lando: God, Y/N, I’m so sorry. I know it’s late. I know I shouldn’t text. But I don’t know who else to be without you.

Lando: Just one more chance. One more breakfast. One more morning with you. I’d give you everything I never gave before. I swear. I mean it this time. I’m not too late… am I?

Lando: Please come back. I need you. Still. Always.

Y/N: Lando… I wasn’t going to respond, but I think you deserve to hear this from me directly, not the internet. I’ve met someone in Japan. It’s still new. We’re taking things slow. Nothing public. Nothing official. But I wanted to be honest with you, before the media could twist it into something worse.

Y/N: I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m not trying to make this harder. But I need you to stop texting me.

Y/N: I need space to build a life that’s mine. A path that doesn’t circle back to you. I can’t keep reopening wounds I worked so hard to close.

I wish you well. I always will. But please… Let me go now. I need that.

Voicemail Recording Hey… it’s me.

I, I just read your message.

I guess I… I knew this would come eventually, right? I just thought maybe… maybe I’d have more time to fix everything I shattered.

God, Y/N, I hate this. I hate reading those words. I hate the thought of someone else getting to see you laugh like I used to. Getting to call you theirs.

I know. I know I have no right to feel this. I’m the one who pushed you away. I’m the one who let silence sit longer than love. But fuck, he doesn’t even know how lucky he is. He has no idea. No. Fucking. Clue. What it means to be chosen by you.

But I want you to be happy. I do. I swear I do. So I’ll stop. I won’t call again. I promise. It’s the least I can do for you now.

This is the last message. I won’t reach out anymore. I just needed you to hear it once more, clearly. Without noise. Without anger.

I love you. Still. Always. More than I’ve ever been able to say.

Please be happy, Y/N. Even if it’s not with me. At least one of us should be. Voicemail ended.

@angelluv16, @httpsxnox, @anunstablefangirl, @chocolatemagazinecupcake, @mayax2o07, @freyathehuntress, @verogonewild, @lilyofthevalley-09, @esw1012, @its-me-frankie, @linneaguriii, @ezzi-ln4, @rlbmutynnek, @actuallyazriel, @sofs16, @thulior, @sltwins, @henna006, @stylesmoonlight12, @lilaissa, @sideboobrry11, @l3thal-l0lita, @lorena-mv33, @ispywlittleeye-blog, @lesliiieeeee, @sageskiesf1, @adynorris, @curlylando, @rebelliousneferut, @justcharlotte, @secret-agents-stole-my-bunnies, @emneedshelp, @lando-505, @yukimaniac, @sashisuslover, @f1norris04, @hi26loveie, @bunnisplayground, @nina481, @reallifemermaidprincess, @cars-and-frogs, @delululeclerc, @txmhxllqnd, @lydia-demarek, @destinyg237, @rhaenyrasversion, @sarascabiosa, @readz4u, @tvdtw4ever, @mynameisangeloflife, @teti-menchon0604, @suns3treading, @op814kitty, @prettyboyroseberg, @willowsnook, @ariesandwolves, @clarksgf, @knivesdoingcartwheels, @pinklemonade34, @fat-meh,@tiaajosephin, @landosbabe4, @easy4, @jule239, @mercrussell, @skylandori, @ryuucollapse, @nickie-amore, @fairyjinn, @seonaw,@strawberrylov-er, @linnygirl09, @dilflover44, @bell1a, @f1fantasys, @sillyfreakfanparty

@janonymus0, @taetae-armyyyyy, @charlesgirl16, @angstynasty, @jules-bea2308, @afternoonarchive, @itsbieberxholland, @rexit-mo, @chlmtfilms, @vampgege, @mochimommy2002, @budgetcupid, @lemon-stvrrr, @bell1a, @taebearyoongs, @hazzasmunchkin, @sainz0fthetimes, @didaaa4, @madelyn2000, @il0vereadingstuff, @march32nd, @chlmtfilms, @literallysza, @cheapdocmartens, @wolfstarsimpxx, @pretzelcat4-blog, @larya810, @6-noir, @urfavftoomie, @ficr3ccs, @strawberrylov-er, @wosof1, @behindmygreyeyes, @justheretoreadthxxs, @pinklemonade34, @ninass-world, @landosbabe4, @leclercdream, @perfectsuitcasegardenpie, @flowersandalll, @sagestack, @angxedxtz, @fangirl125reader, @mimisweetz, @mattslovelygf, @taetae-armyyyyy, @guacala, @gothicwidowsworld, @chezmardybum, @virtualperfectioncat, @cherryhazee,@bubble012, @teti-menchon0604, @elieanana, @dessashippr, @sainz0fthetimes, @@snorksquid101, @gsvmami, ninavandoorne

[bowsellie]

say it once again with feeling

i’ll forget you, but i’ll never forgive

warnings/info: smut (mdni) face sitting pussy eating scissoring all the goods, top!ellie bottom!r

angst, can be read as either ellie x reader or ellie x dina depending on your vibe, canon compliant, post-canon, mentions of unhealed/poorly healed injuries, alcohol, mentions of grief, reader has a child (jj durr) who is not actually present just mentioned I think that’s all :3

Been big into reading angst lately so here

—

You can only mourn someone for so long, you believed. Their memory would always be with you, yes, but the despair and pain and missing would have to be replaced with something better eventually. If you let it consume you, you couldn’t live on yourself.

This was a lot more difficult to stick to, however, when the person you were mourning may not actually be dead.

Since the night Ellie left, you forced yourself to imagine that she wouldn’t come back. You had to, or else you would hold out hope. And with that hope came a forgiveness you couldn’t afford to give. Nobody gets to ruin your life and leave you alone with a child you felt barely old enough to care for, not even the love of your life. So you imagined her dead—torn apart by clickers, by Abby, by her own refusal to care for herself—and convinced yourself to mourn her death and not her leaving. It felt easier that way.

Since packing up your belongings and your baby and your sheep and moving back to Jackson, you had to constantly remind yourself to not look around each room for her. To not expect her to walk through the door. To not hope that she was alive, and worse, here.

It was a hard habit to break, and your head still perked up every time the door to the Tipsy Bison opened. Especially after a few drinks, like the Friday night you sat at the bar downing tequila shot after tequila shot. JJ was with his grandparents for the weekend and you needed something to fill the silence in the small house you shared with him, something burning.

You must have had too much to drink tonight, because you looked up at the next door creak and swore you actually saw her.

Blinking once, twice, looking away then looking back, the apparition didn’t disappear. In fact, it met its green eyes with yours and began to approach. Her hair was shorter and shittily chopped, her face was scabbed in multiple new places, and her gait was limping as the Ellie-like figure came closer and seemed to becoming more realistic. She sat down in the empty barstool next to you, grunting with the effort but otherwise saying nothing. You, still looking away and back as if to clear your vision, muttered a slurred “holy shit”.

“I was hoping you’d be here,” she said. Her voice was rougher than you remembered, like she hadn’t used it in weeks or had been screaming until the cords fried.

“Holy shit,” you responded.

“I need…we need to talk,” Ellie said, not quite looking at you. She played with her hands, ghosting the fingers of her right hand over an empty spot where her left hand should mirror.

You breathed in sharply, noticing the absence. “Holy shit.”

“Can I take you home?”

The delay in your brain finally caught up to the situation, a million possible words and responses stumbling over themselves until you could say something—anything—that made sense.

“Fuck. No.” You pushed the empty shot glass to rest on top of the plastic part of the bar farther from you and stood up hastily, catching yourself on the barstool as alcohol rushed to your head and made you stumble.

Ellie matched in urgency and elegance, stumbling herself from whatever was affecting her walk on the way in. “Please. I fucked up, so bad, I at least need to say it.”

“You said it,” you snapped back, shoving your way to the door, “now go away and leave me alone.”

“You’re pissed, you should be. I fucked up so bad. Please, let me, I don’t know,” she rambled, trailing behind you.

You shoved the doors open, not caring to hold them on your way out despite Ellie following close behind.

“Please,” she said, again, her voice breaking.

You whipped around to face her. “Please what, Ellie? You’re dead to me. Literally. I can’t—I didn’t—I had to—you’re not. This isn’t a possibility for me. You’re supposed to be dead.”

“But I’m not.”

“But you are. You have been for the last however many months. You don’t get to come here and tell me how you killed Abby and got your fucking revenge and can actually care about me instead of letting me be the second most important person to you. You don’t get to make me forgive you for ruining my life. You ruined my fucking life! You left me, mourning everyone who ever meant fucking anything to me, with a fucking CHILD, and if I don’t believe you’re dead then I have to hate you. I fucking hate you. I fucking HATE you, Ellie!”

Somewhere you had begun to cry, hard and hot and wet. The tears choked you as they rain down your face, and you half hunched over as your stomach clenched with the devastating waves of emotion you were feeling. It was like reliving everything all over again.

And still, she looked at you with her green eyes and the line between her eyebrows that you knew like your own face.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

“Yeah. You should be,” you choked out. Forcing yourself to stand and taking hyperventilating breaths, you turned and started to walk home.

“At least let me make sure you get home safe. Please. We don’t need to talk about it, I just…I’m sorry. Please,” Ellie said. Her own voice was thicker now, the words barely rasping out.

You shook your head, but didn’t turn her away when she began walking with you. You made your way home nearly in silence, except for the crunch of two pairs of shoes and your gasps between tears that wouldn’t stop.

When you approached the porch of the apartments you were living in, you turned to Ellie. You couldn’t get rid of her soon enough. And yet, having her presence with you when you’d adjusted to never feeling it again…you couldn’t let it go yet.

You walked up the porch, fumbling with your keys from your pocket and unlocking the door after a few attempts. You pushed open the door, and turned back to the pitiful looking girl behind you. Everything you felt, minus the anger, was mirrored on her face. Sadness, longing, and a love that had been forced away.

“Come in, then. I don’t fucking care,” you said, holding the door for her.

Ellie scurried in, quickly removing her shoes at the door. Like she remembered you’d liked. Like she used to always do.

“Please don’t tell me those are the same goddamn converse you left in,” you said, scrunching your nose and she tucked in the laces.

“Not a lot of shoe stores in California, turns out,” Ellie said with something like a laugh. “I can stick them outside, if you want.”

You shook your head, removing your own shoes before heading up the creaky stairs. Ellie lingered at the bottom.

“There’s a toy on the left halfway up. Don’t trip on it,” you said, not turning around. Her footsteps began to follow yours.

In your bedroom, you began to get ready for bed. Ellie stood, watching, so still it was like she was afraid to move. Maybe she was, you thought. Maybe the delicacy you felt in the air was so tangible she was afraid to break it.

Finally, she breathed and spoke. “What do you—“

You cut her off quickly, looking in her eyes for the first time since coming into your house. One that, until now, had been free of her memory.

“Spend the night. Please. I can’t say goodbye to you again just,” you swallowed heavily, “just yet.”

Ellie nodded, soundlessly, and the both of you got into varying states of undress before turning off the lights and crawling into bed.

You turned your body, resting your head on her chest and breathing deeply. She stunk of outside, in a way that only Ellie could make you like. Her arm curled tentatively around your shoulders.

“Where’s JJ?” she whispered.

“With Jesse’s parents. They watch him every few weekends. They’ve really helped a lot,” you responded, just as quietly.

“How is he?”

You smiled despite yourself. “Good. He knows a few words. He walks, mostly.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, he’s really shitty at it so far—“

Ellie interrupted your sentence with a snort, causing you to giggle back. You twisted so you could see her face, and before you had time to reconsider, kissed her deeply.

She didn’t hesitate to kiss you back. For months, almost a year, you hadn’t been kissed this way. Like she needed you to breathe, like you needed her to live. Her hands fell to your hips, gripping until you felt fingertip shaped indents beginning to form.

“Ellie, ouch,” you breathed into her mouth, and she loosened her grip slightly. You were once again reminded of the missing digits, feeling their absence on your right side.

“Sorry. I need to feel that you’re real,” she said, kissing you again. Her hands stayed obediently on your hips, your waist, the proper places for them to be. But you needed more. Goddamn it, if you were going to indulge the fantasy of Ellie being back, you needed to indulge completely.

Breaking the kiss, you grabbed her hands and moved them down and back to grab your ass.

“Are you sure?” she asked, squeezing tentatively.

You nodded. “Please, Ellie. Don’t make me question it. Fuck me.”

She leaned up to kiss you again, more fervently than before as her hands kneaded your ass. Her hands began to move up, underneath your tshirt to cup your breasts, eliciting a sharp breath.

Ellie’s mouth opened again, likely to ask you if that was alright, but you silenced her with a kiss. The truth is, you didn’t know if it was alright. But you wanted it to be.

She flipped you over, moving low to remove your panties and bury her face in between your legs. She wasted no time licking thick stripes over your hole to your clit, dipping her tongue inside before moving it back upwards to flick the sensitive bud.

Ellie’s left hand snaked up to join her mouth, but she froze for a fraction of a second when nothing met your folds. Instead, she shoved the offending hand back underneath her body and brought up the right hand to slip in one, then two fingers.

It was less adept than it used to be, you thought. She wasn’t used to using this hand.

For what felt like hours, Ellie ate you out ravenously and without tiring. You squirmed, moaned, and pulled her hair, chasing an orgasm that kept seeming to run away at the last moment. After the third or fourth time of this, Ellie lifted her head away.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly.

You nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I’m just thinking a lot. Can I sit on your face instead?”

She nodded quickly, adjusting her body to lay in between the pillows as you positioned yourself on top of her. Sinking onto her open mouth, you ground down onto her waiting tongue. The change in position was exactly what you needed, and with Ellie’s tongue flicking over your clit, you felt the blood began to pool below your naval as your core tightened.

“Fuck. Please don’t stop. Please, just like that,” you gasped out. Ellie moaned in acknowledgement against you, the vibrations causing your orgasm to go crashing down. Your body convulsed on top of her, while her arms hooked around your thighs to hold you mostly in place. She gave three more long licks, causing you to twitch in overstimulation before swinging a leg over her and settling to lay down.

Ellie rolled over, using both arms to hold herself above your body as she kissed you. The heady taste of your own wet combined with the warm softness of her mouth had you spreading your legs once more, almost imperceptibly rolling your hips upward to ask for more.

Ellie smiled at you, in the way that always made you melt, and your stomach twisted. It would be so easy to fall in love with her again, you thought. To forgive her, to pretend it never happened.

She lifted off her sweatshirt and dirty tank top, revealing an angry red scar around her abdomen that was almost definitely infected. She slid out of her own underwear, looking at you for confirmation as she slid her legs over yours and slotted her pussy against your own.

In tandem, you both moaned as your hips began to move messily towards each other. The effect of your last orgasm combined with the twisting of your stomach at having Ellie here, right now, and before you knew it you were crying. Above you, Ellie sniffled. She was crying too.

Your motions against each other became more and more frantic as Ellie reached her orgasm above you. Nearly sobbing now, the pulsing of her pussy pushed you over the top into your own. Your moans grew louder and more incomprehensible, until the only thing you could shout was “I hate you. I hate you. I fucking hate you.”

Ellie collapsed on top of you, both of you crying and sweaty. You didn’t kiss again. Like sweet nothings in her ear, you continued to mutter. “I hate you, I hate you, I fucking hate you.”

Ellie peeled her body off of yours, reclothing herself and throwing a blanket over your shaking body.

“I hate you,” you whispered.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered back.

And for the second time in your life, Ellie walked out the door.

[museofzia]

✶ the emotional intelligence

𖥔𓆪 . ⁺ of a reality shifter ࣪ ˖ ∔݃ ✶ @ from me . ۫

being a reality shifter who is an adult in my desired realities and a teenager here means constantly having my wit, emotion, patience, intelligence, and more constantly tested and thrown around. I enrolled into college early, skipped high school, and talk to college students, and a lot of the time they have a tendency to treat me as if i'm a child when i'm just fifteen. yet, they always ask me one thing-- how am i so mature?

why am i not petty, whiny, rebellious, impatient, or as needy as some teenagers can be?

so, how'd i get this way? ׅ  ೀ

not to butter myself up-- but i believe that i have my moments of maturity. does this mean im always mature? no.. i have moments of fucking up.. as all people do, big or small. however, it feels like people think because i'm a kid, i haveeee to be dumb.. or i haveee to be immature. i can't tell everyone "oh yeah ive experienced an alternate reality where im a 20 year old woman who lives alone and has her own career." because that would make me sound crazy. maybe not if i explain it all, but who has time for that? be honest. in the end, i feel like people forget that it's possible for me to forgive and forget.. or its possible for me to be okay with not getting my way. i meet many people, even people over 19, who decide to try to engage me in petty drama-- like calling me fat or ugly, or prioritizing insults in situations where we are simply disagreeing with each other. maybe it's common sense for some that this is plain immaturity, and maybe for others, it's less clear. i still run into the occasional "(ex best friends username) liked your post" or the occasional message of "hey, your ex bsf just posted a really shady story, and there's a high chance it's about you!" but it's like.. i do care, but i don't. yesss, i get mad. as one does. like, get the fuck off my page, weirdo. but also it's like, i was as respectful to you as possible as we drifted apart, and if you don't like that, that's okay. i won't hold it against you. we are both kids. but please let me go!!!! :(

don't let yourself be underestimated by the expectation that all teenagers are immature. you are still figuring out what emotions you feel the most comfort being in. i find comfort in sadness. i hate feeling lonely. some people like feeling lonely, but hate feeling sad. while we all have our own thoughts, feelings, emotions, grief, and more-- at the end of the day, there's always going to be that chance to show that you aren't who people think you are, and you've lived more lives than one might think. you'll never deserve to be held to a low expectation when your experiences are so versatile.

love urself!! never let ur person get tested :)

ᡣ 𓈒⋅ ⩊ ⋅𓈒ྀིა bye bye , zia.

[smuttykdrama]

[Hyunsu & Chanyoung as Subs ; SWEET HOME]

Hi, this is my first smut drabble and first post so please be kind! also note that i've only watched through sweet home once! i've just finished the second season lol. ><

Warnings: smut, sub!hyunsu & chanyoung, dom!reader, female!reader, masochism, only read if you're eighteen or above.

This is written with an older reader in mind, with hyunsu being 19, the reader being 29, and chanyoung being 25. Forgive my HUGE noona kink. 🥲 Even tho I'm only 22 lol.

Hyunsu

● Sub!Hyunsu, who only wants to please you, his noona, regardless of his own pleasure.

● Sub!Hyunsu who eats you out like you're a goddamn five course meal, savouring every part of you because you're his everything. The only light in his world.

● Sub!Hyunsu, who needs your praise like it's a drug. He's sadly very insecure, constantly worried that he's not doing well enough or that his body isn't good enough for you. You'd soon change those ridiculous thoughts of his.

● Sub!Hyunsu who is a sweet and caring boyfriend in the day, but a masochistic freak at night. You definitely take advantage of his healing abilities, allowing you to make Hyunsu's body your canvas. Scratches down his back, his front. Biting his chest, teasing him, and testing his pain tolerance.

● Sub!Hyunsu, who, after being in captivity and chained up, wants nothing more than to replace those memories with YOU. Tie him to the bedpost, put a hard metal collar around his neck. Anything to forget those painful times...and make new memories with you.

● Sub!Hyunsu who literally hate fucks you. Not because he's mad at you. But at himself. You know when he's depressed, because he shoves you onto the bed and buries his cock in your tight heat without warning. "Sorry, Noona...i really need you right now...i don't want to talk...i just need you."

● Sub! Hyunsu who gives you the best aftercare, even if he's the one who's all fucked out after a session. He'll even go out of his way to explore the city just to find a scented candle to light for you.

● Sub!Hyunsu who's monster wants you too, having felt just how satisfied Hyunsu was with you.

Chanyoung

● Sub!Chanyoung, who's a complete virgin when you first meet him, and he's unable to meet your gaze when you sleep together for the first time.

● Sub!Chanyoung who is so overstimulated the moment your pussy clenches around him that he doesn't know what to do with his hands other than clutch the pillow as you ride him.

● Sub!Chanyoung who loves being bossed around in bed, and being told what to do. Want him to fuck you like you're unbreakable? Got it. Want to finger him until hes a blushing mess beneath you? Done! He lives to be your living, breathing sex toy.

● Sub!Chanyoung who keeps his uniform on while he eats you out, having just come back from a mission outside the stadium, knowing about your soldier kink. He looks just so handsome in it, but oh so much prettier with it off.

● Sub!Chanyoung whos thighs and lower abdomen are the most sensitive parts of his body. The moment you start leaving hickeys on his thighs or tracing the lines of his abs, Chanyoung goes crazy. "Not there, jagiya...i'll go crazy."

● Sub!Chanyoung who kneels at your feet after a long day, practically begging to bed you, looking up at you with his puppy like eyes.

● Sub!Chanyoung who is so drunk on your kisses, that he could come in his pants from the mere sensation of your lips on his.

● Sub!Chanyoung who can't believe that even after the world went to shit, he still has you to look after him. He may be your protector, but really, you're the one who saved him.

[END]

(A/N): Wow first smut headcanons!! I am here totally for the Hyunsu switch & Chanyoung sub agenda. Please like and leave a comment/reblog if you liked ^^ Let me know what Sweet Home Hyunsu & Chanyoung reaction you'd like next! I currently only write for those 2 characters :)

[muraenide]

Just kind of putting it here but I'm a bit particular about how I run my blog. My rules aren't for decoration and I meant everything I say on them. I forgive people if they break very specific rules, like missing out a trigger or forgetting to tag one or two posts but if someone comes in breaking the most basic rules I can't help but feel they don't recognize the boundaries of rules and I'm afraid we won't be getting along.

I curate my dash from time to time. If a blog is too messy for me I will soft block. I usually try my best to like/comment on posts as a means of showing interest and familiarizing with muns of the blogs i follow but the lack of it from the other side will usually be soft-blocked after some time. We don't have to be rping with each other constantly but keeping in contact with mutuals simply feels nicer for me.

Softblocking/hardblocking to me is simply curating my space and does not mean I hate someone's guts or something. Most times if I happen to come across blogs with DNIs of topics I'm frequently writing I will also hardblock them to get myself off their peripherals. It's a courtesy, not bc I hate anybody lmfao. Unless their rules explicitly states they're fine with mutuals who writes said topics as long as they aren't part of it (I myself fall into this category as well, like I'm fine with people writing whatever they like as long as I'm not part of that thread). And people who IMs me to apologize when I blocked them after they posted a DNI confuses me, bc like you made a post and I'm just respecting it?? then they tweak their rules to fit in to my preferences like, don't do that please. Run your blog the way you like. We may no longer be mutuals but I'll support ur decision.

[lunarflux]

I saw a couple of asks you received about Aemond and love a while back, and I loved your answers! So I wanted to throw one of my own in there; I've seen someone saying that the love Aemond so desperately wants is the one from his family (his mother, sister, etc), thus he wouldn't welcome or want any other kind of love (romantic for example) because it would only be a placeholder. Do you think that's accurate? Because I honestly don't think so, I think it's a weird thing to say, because I feel like Aemond would be happy and willing to love and be loved; that he'd cherish any kind of love.

Hi there! Thank you for the kind words; this is an interesting question so forgive me in advance for the thesis you're about to read. I will also put the bulk of my answer behind a "read more" so I don't muck up anyone's feed. The short answer would be "no" I don't think it's accurate, but keep reading for the "however."

Familial Love vs Romantic Love is one of those things that can yield different outcomes. Lack of familial love can lead to people pleasing behaviors (in order to illicit a reaction), acting out (to illicit any reaction regardless of if it's positive or negative), or attachment issues (avoidant might be the most likely in Aemond's case). It's hard to say because Aemond's family didn't abandon him, but they did let him down in one way or another. If he were to apply this expectation of "they all let me down eventually," I don't think it would result in him not welcoming love, but it would cause him to be suspicious about the person who he's interested in - or better yet, suspicious about who is trying to pursue him.

Constantly being let down by your family just leads to feeling numb in their presence. An example from my life is that my extended family (my godfather is among them) have forgotten my birthday every year since I was 14, and since it's next to a major holiday, that hurt a lot when I was growing up. Once I gave up expecting anything from them, I just... stopped caring and I honestly started to expect nothing from them. That led to me looking down on them because then I stopped telling anyone at all. I wanted them to feel foolish for forgetting; I wanted them to feel bad. I was no longer going to ask for anything or remind anyone. I just wanted them to feel defeated because now I expect them to let me down. "No expectations" is very different than "expecting nothing." I think Aemond is at the point where he expects nothing.

I added this to this ask:

It's always up for debate if he cared about her (Sylvi) or saw her as a placeholder. He might've seen someone he pays as the closest he'll ever get to someone who cares.

If he pays someone, there's essentially no expectation of emotion because the affection is given based on monetary value. She can't "let him down" technically, though we saw she somehow managed to do that by shrinking when Aegon humiliated him.

I'm going to give you a very gray answer - another "yes and no." It'll be easier to answer by breaking down your ask...

I've seen someone saying that the love Aemond so desperately wants is the one from his family (his mother, sister, etc), thus he wouldn't welcome or want any other kind of love (romantic for example) because it would only be a placeholder. Do you think that's accurate?

Here's an answer that doesn't really help. It depends. I've kind of answered this across different posts, but his "in theory" perfect person would have to empower him and essentially be everything his family wasn't. In this case, if someone wanted to poke the bear, they could tell Aemond to his face that this person is a placeholder, and I have no doubt he'd lash out because that challenges not only this person's value but his perception of their value.

But there's also an "okay, so?" because that person might have started as a placeholder and eventually they wouldn't be. I always run back to the "in theory" perfect person because they would have to provide everything and more to him and those provisions go beyond what a mother/sibling could provide.

When it comes to placeholders, we also don't willingly recognize when someone acts as a placeholder. You'd have to know what you're missing in order to fill that void with a substitute. Aemond is far passed wanting his family's love. If anything, it's not on the table at all anymore, and we saw that when he dismissed Alicent from the Small Council. He's mentally separated himself from them because he believes he's the only one fighting for what Alicent mistakenly took from Rhaenyra. He's fueled by conviction - "if we're going to do this, we're going to do it right; we're going to act; we're not going to take anything back. Just because you're backing away from the situation you put us in doesn't mean we have to suffer the consequences, and I'll be damned before I let this family fall because of your foolishness."

His blind spots with a partner that relate to how his family treated him might be in how a partner might have certain expectations of him (or no expectations at all).

I feel like Aemond would be happy and willing to love and be loved; that he'd cherish any kind of love.

So I believe he's capable of being in love and being loved, but I think he will be reluctant at first because, again, there will be that initial fear that this person might just be another who will let him down. However, this can easily be omitted based on what Aemond knows about the person prior to pursuing them. Because if you look at Criston Cole, Aemond enjoys using him as a pawn. There's no suspicion. It could be said that he only trusts someone depending on how far they're willing to go to prove they're trustworthy.

If Aemond were to find someone who has proven more than once (and without looking desperate) that they:

Do not seek to undermine him

Support his goals

Are self-interested

See loyalty as a blind principle as opposed to conditional

Prove they are trustworthy through consistent action

Then he would absolutely be resolute in his relationship. But also, the list above takes a lot of time.

I might be misinterpreting your use of "happy" because I see him as a melancholy love type. I wouldn't ever be able to see him with a person who tries to make him happy, instead of making him feel secure and comfortable. Aemond finds joy in proving who he is because no one seems to know who he really is or why he does certain things. His satisfaction comes from the proverbial mic drop moments where he can prove everyone wrong. His partner would be the person who can stand by his side and think "I always knew he was like this, and you're a damn fool for thinking otherwise."

[delizzie]

The little things you do for love

Description: When you're going through a hard phase Leslie is there to comfort you.

Tags: fluff, comfort, wlw, anxiety, angst with happy ending, girls in love

Tw: anxiety mentioned, and some ocd-symptoms described. 

Story starts under the line.

Hey! This is my first time posting here, also my first wlw fic. English is not my first language, so please forgive me for the bad grammar.

I started the series last week, and I'm in love😍with the one and only Leslie Shay.

I hope she will get her happy ending😊

(I already spoilered it with a tiktok edit.)

This story is inspired by personal experience. 

If you ever feel like this, never forget that you're loved, and you're allowed to have bad days❤️

After a long day, Leslie wanted nothing more than to finally take a hot bath, eat a hearty dinner, and cuddle up with her girlfriend. A smile crossed her face as she thought of Y/N. She had been her partner for over a year, but to this day she still grins like a teenager, her face blushing, her heart beating faster when she thinks about her. She didn’t like to show her sensitive side to the outside world, so only Y/N could enjoy that. Their relationship is almost perfect, and almost is only a necessary adjective because they also have bad days when things don’t go smoothly. Luckily, the happy days dominate. 

“Hello, baby.” she greeted loudly when she entered the apartment. There was no answer. 

She quickly took off her shoes and threw down her bag. Y/N’s keys, shoes, and water bottle were in place, so she knew she was home. They had only been living together in the shared apartment for a few months, but she knew that her partner wouldn't go anywhere without them. She went inside and found Y/N lying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, headphones on her head, her eyes closed. 

Leslie paused for a moment. Y/N was wrapped in that powder-colored chenille blanket that she had bought for her, because she quickly learned that Y/N was always very cold. Y/N's face was calm, as was her breathing. She liked seeing her like this, because she knew that Y/N had her hard days, too.

She stepped carefully next to her, not wanting to scare her. Y/N's eyes immediately widened as she took off the headphones, her face becoming alarmed, but as soon as she realized it was only Shay, she immediately calmed down, a tired smile spread across her face. 

"You didn't answer when I came in." gave Leslie a small kiss on the cheek.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you." she replied, then pulled the blonde towards her for a proper kiss, who immediately returned it.

"Yeah, that's what I like." Leslie smiled at her cheekily.

"How was your day?"

"Tired. Long as usual. A guy tried to hit on me, but with a line even worse than Peter Mills." she rolled her eyes with a small smile on her face "And you? Something exciting?"

Y/N shook her head.

Leslie already knew the girl pretty well. She knew what she was like when she was happy, she knew that when she was nervous she would drum her feet, or that when she was angry, she would be quiet. She knew that when she was excited, she would talk loudly, and when she got turned on, she would constantly play with the blonde's hair. That's how she also knew what it was like when she had 'one of those' days. Those anxious, hard, patient-trying days. 

And it was also telling that her usual eye makeup was washed off, even though she only took it off when she took a shower in the evening or when she cried.

"Baby, are you okay?" Leslie caressed her face "You're usually playing or watching TV at this time."

"I've had a hard day, but I'm fine now." she said with a forced smile.

"Are you sure? I know you've been a bit stressed lately, your work, my accident, and it's okay if..."

"Leslie, I'm fine." she snapped at her, which immediately made her feel bad, and it was obvious "I'm so sorry. I've just been a bit stressed lately, with all the headaches, tight chest, dizziness, and I think it's really gotten to me today." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Leslie asked softly, leaning back on the back of the couch.

"Just the usual. Racing mind, all sorts of unpleasant, scary thoughts, I feel like a wrung out sponge. I slept like eight hours last night, but it feels like two." she listed, staring at her hands, her fingers playing with each other.

"I'm sorry." Shay took her hands.

"Now I'm bothering you with my nonsense, which doesn't even exist, when you see terrible things every day and still don't complain." she looked up sadly, tears welling up in her eyes and her voice getting jerky "I hate myself when I'm like this, I feel so guilty about everything, every little thing, and logically I know it's stupid, but I often feel like I'm such a bad and ungrateful person." she sniffed, then took her hand away to look for a tissue. 

“Baby, I…”

“Like today, when there was a lot of work and a deadline looming, and I was just complaining to myself instead of being happy that I have a job, when so many people don’t have one. And now I’m here feeling sorry for myself. I know it's so pathetic, but I can't help, but feel like  I don't deserve this comfortable life.” she shook her head, her expression revealing that she was angry with herself. 

Leslie’s heart nearly broke for her lover. She wished she could help her, take away her doubts, her pain, but since she couldn't, the most she could do was accept and support Y/N.

“You’re not a bad person.”  it was the first thing she could say, because the mere thought of Y/N being anything but a good person outraged her. "Even if that wonderful brain of yours says otherwise, I know you're a good person. I've seen bad people, people who enjoyed the bad things they did, and you'll never be one."

"Leslie..." 

"You're not ungrateful. Just because you get mad sometimes doesn't make you ungrateful. Everyone has days when they hate their job or anything else, but those are just occasions. I probably don't know another person who is as grateful for their life, for their loved ones, for their things as you are. The way you appreciate everything and everyone is unprecedented. If you weren't like that, I wouldn't be with you, and even though you always say I save lives, that's true for you, too." she smiled at her partner, who was already in tears. 

"Oh, Les." she sniffed. 

"You save mine every day, by letting me know that there is someone waiting for me, who loves and accepts me, who can put up with my long shifts, and the fact that I get hurt too often. Your friends, your family, and I, who you always support, know what kind of person you are."

Y/N was wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her sweatshirt, then she threw herself around Leslie's neck, and hugged her like there was no tomorrow. The blonde held the girl tightly, and stroked her back.

"Thank you for being there for me." Y/N looked at her with eyes sparkling with tears.

"You don't have to thank me." Leslie stroked her face with a small, but all the more loving smile "When you massage my back, when you make food for me, when you always make sure my favorite snacks are at home, when you listen without judgment. That's when you thank me, and I hope I can make you feel how important you are to me, too."

"You can." she said with a small chuckle "When you say things like that, even though I know you're not very emotional, I always know." 

"Then it's good, because I'm only like that with you." she laughed.

"Oh, believe me, I enjoy it." she smiled cheekily as he twirled a blonde lock of hair. "What you said was so beautiful, but you know that reassurance seeking doesn't help, right? I mean, it does for the moment, but in the long run it's not good, and I gabble again..."

Y/N couldn't finish her sentence because Leslie silenced her with a kiss that was as sweet as honey. 

"What did you say?" the blonde asked cheekily as she ruffled the other's hair. 

"Nothing." she replied in a soft voice. "I know myself well enough to know that I'll be fine in a few days, but until then you'll have to put up with this." she added with a shy smile. 

"Oh, believe me, I'm not just putting up with you. I, baby, enjoy every minute we spend together." she said, then pulled Y/N into a deep, wild kiss again.

[henosiis]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER .

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

name: kat (if you remember me as ozzie you get a cookie. also how's it feel like to be old)

pronouns: i default to she/her but anything goes.

preference of communication: please just add me on discord if you have it lmao tumblr dms are a mess. im on discord about all the time i'm awake so it's truly the best way to reach me.

name of muse(s): oh boy here we go oswald of carim (confessthysiins) - nihlus kryik (spectrien) - queen annalise (corrunuptia) grigori (evigilar) alizebeth kenway (hawksblooded) israfel of aarein (ofaarein) uhhh did i forget anyone.

best experience: i've been in the community since 2014 as oswald of carim and I've seen some really incredible stuff throughout the years. but without a doubt, my best writing experience has been writing with lani @sunmad. it's thanks to her that my comeback in the last year was not only successful but also lead to some of my best writing ever. lani is not only a wonderful, thought-provoking writer but also an incredible friend and I'm so, so thankful we met and started plotting together. love u lani <3

rp pet peeves / dealbreakers: I know this is petty but over-formatted, over-graphicked posts are just impossible to read comfortably sometimes. I feel bad asking people to tone down their aesthetics for me, but it's like... it shouldn't take me five minutes to read a 200 word post bc im constantly getting lost in fancy editing. A genuine deal-breaker for me is when I don't feel like I can bring anything to the table in terms of dynamics, ships or otherwise. If you're essentially writing your own story and I'm just a side participant with basically no input, just following along with your pre-plotted thing, why am I here? Why make this rp? Just write a novel chief!

muse preferences: hot older men tbh. but also I find I'm very interested in characters who have very concrete goals that they are devoted to. Devotion & faith (religious or not), destiny, the struggles one has with those concepts.

plots or memes: i love memes for their spontaneity, but I find I do prefer having a baseline plot to work off of so I can know where I'm going with prompts and the like. Even if its just an outline of their dynamic, or a small timeline of events, I find I work best and find the most ideas when I'm not fully improvising. It can be fun though, I admit.

long or short replies: these days I struggle with very long replies (500+) and try to stick to ~300 words, which I think is my comfort zone. I can push more, and with some threads I do, but it asks a lot more out of me.

best time to write: Big fan of the Hemingway (write drunk, edit sober) but since that's not always an option I do like to write in the evenings, when I've had time to think and let ideas brew in my head. I sometimes start planning a reply when I wake up, and only write it in the wee hours of the night. The idea soup has to simmer for a while.

are you like your muse(s): TW EMOTIONAL VULNERABILITY this might sound a little insane but whatever. i was at a very difficult time in my life when i started writing ozzy; i was embittered, full of grudges, ruining friendships over petty things etc. Sure, I was a teenager and they're all lowkey crazy, but it was tough living with undiagnosed bipolar. Anyway, as I kept writing ozzy, putting myself in a mindset of forgiveness, of warmth, of being welcoming, i found it actually changed how i think in many ways. he made me a better person, in a way. i've become more patient, forgiving of mistakes, more open to people. and through the years I've found that people are very willing to talk to me, to be emotionally open, even people I just met or acquaintances. it's changed me and it's changed my life. So thank you, whoever drew Ozzy's concept art and got me obsessed with him in the first place. I owe you a 12 pack.

tagged by: stolen from the dash tagging: steal it from me! i know its not munday but fuck it. become ungovernable

[aristocratic-otter]

Hey y’all. It’s been a rough month, so thank you to all of you who keep tagging me in spite of my silence. And for those of you waiting for new chapters to one of my WIPs, please forgive me. The good news is, I have a week off of work, and I’ll be able to put out new chapters of at least two of my WIPs, as well as the first post from one of those below that you haven’t seen. So stay tuned!

Thank you to : @thewholelemon, @youarenevertooold, @nausikaaa, @wellbelesbian, @cutestkilla, @monbons, @artsyunderstudy, @ileadacharmedlife, @hushed-chorus, @prettygoododds, @whatevertheweather, @angelsfalling16, @noblecorgi, @ic3-que3n, @bookish-bogwitch, @thewholelemon, @alexalexinii, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe,and @blackberrysummerblog for the tags over the last several weeks. 

On to the snippets!

From Saving Simon Snow: (slightly more than six sentences)

I don’t know what I expect when I look at him. Recriminations about my family? I’d deserve them. My father and aunt have been vicious and abusive towards my now-husband. I’ll never be done making that up to him. Or maybe he wants to actually talk about the events of the day? Yesterday, I mean, since the clock has clearly ticked over into a new day.

Whatever I expected, it wasn’t Simon’s blue eyes intensely boring into mine as he says, “Can I kiss you?”

From the Heart in the Well

“You–” I start, and my voice is a croak. I swallow, despite my horror at the liquid still laying on my tongue. I try again. “How could you?”

Simon looks apologetic, but his chin is jutting up nonetheless. “Baz, you needed it—” he begins. 

“You’ve made me into a monster!” I cry. 

From Snow Fox–nothing new this week. I'm researching my next chapter at the moment.

From TikTok Dancer: 

Normally, by now I’d be giving coy glances to my chosen partner of the night. I like to have made my choice at least an hour before we quit for the day, so I can make my interest known. It’s a bit of a dance in itself, this small courtship. 

Tonight, unless I find the courage to approach Baz again—why do I even remember his name? Most of the time I forget their names minutes after they say them—I’ll be going to bed without any release. Because nobody in the crowd has drawn my eyes today, despite several pretty people making eyes at me. 

I’ve only got eyes for Baz.

I don’t understand this.

From Stars, Flowers, and Children,

One of the tools we rescued from the ship before it sank was a hand axe, and it’s honestly been worth it’s weight in gold. Half the building I’ve done in the last few years would have been impossible without it. I don’t need Davy’s voice in my head growling, “you break those tools, boy, I’ll break you.” I’m constantly aware of the fragility of the life we’ve built here. If I break an axe…no more building out of wood. If the island suffers a dry year, no fruit on our plates. If one of us gets sick…no doctors

From Cupid’s Shield:

My aunt Fiona loves recounting the time he showed up at Watford’s Valentine ball when she was a fourth year. She wasn’t old enough to attend, but she’d snuck into a secret passage that passed the ballroom to spy on her friends, who were fifteen because their birthday (they were twins apparently) was just before the deadline to attend. Reading between the lines, I think Fi was sweet on one of the pair and wanted to make sure he wasn’t making time with some other girl at the ball. 

According to my Aunt, Cupid just materialized in midair beneath the great chandelier, and, with a wicked grin, began shooting incorporeal arrows at every mage in sight. Fiona took great pleasure in recounting just who was compelled into snogging their sworn enemies or the girlfriends/ boyfriends of their best friends. Apparently the event was a source of endless drama over the next several months, and my aunt lives for that shit. 

Of course, my aunts’ maybe-boyfriend escaped unscathed, or I think she wouldn’t have found the whole thing so amusing.

From my COBB project:

“Director,” I say, “It’s good to see you.”

“And it’s wonderful to see you, my boy. In fact, your return just at this time could not have been more fortuitous.”

I know all too well what that means. My heart sinks into my shoes. I just got back…I haven’t even unpacked yet…

“Sir?” I question, directing every fibre of my being towards hoping the director is not about to say what I think he’s about to say. Of course, I’m not that lucky.

“We have a situation, Simon,” he says, letting his face fall into graver lines. 

Tagging: @chen-chen-chen-again-chen, @bazzybelle, @dragoneggos, @erzbethluna, @palimpsessed, @frjsti, @fatalfangirl, @letraspal, @martsonmars, @melodysmash, @moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist, @mostlymaudlin, @onepintobean, @raenestee, @tea-brigade, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @upuntil6am, @whogaveyoupermission, @messofthejess, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @krisrix, @shemakesmeforget, @larkral, @confused-bi-queer, @rimeswithpurple, and @mooncello, @theearlgreymage, @j-nipper-95, @facewithoutheart, @best--dress, @nightimedreamersghost

[bitchkay]

4. My muse🎨🖌

Me paying respects to one of the first fics I've posted here with Knight and us going on a picnic with art supplies and painting in an aesthetic medow, cus I love Knight x artist, I think that's so cute(I'm not biased--)

bitchkay's 21st birthday event

CW: cutie patooties, artist reader!, knight accidentally peeping in your sketchbook, a sex joke

Word count:

"What's that?"

"What?! I mean- nothing!"

It was your sketchbook, something you usually kept really private. You've shown Knight your drawings here and there but he's never been given free reign to look through it, nor has he asked out of respect for your privacy.

"Yeah... you wouldn't happen to know where my sketchbook is would you?" You knew it was behind his back. How couldn't you.

You'd left the book in Knights room overnight, something he considered high praise from you considering how few people you'd trust in a room alone with it. It felt nice to him that you're comfortable enough with him that you loosen the tight grip you usually hold on the binded paper. Comfortable enough that you'd forget it.

"Nope, haven't seen it." Lying right through his teeth, his cheeks redden, flustered.

In his time being left alone with your precious sketch book, he saw something peek out from between the pages. He didn't want to! Honest! But curiosity got the better of him! Of course Knight has seen some of the drawings you did and is constantly amazed by your talent, but something compelled him.

"Really?" You step forward making him back away.

"Mhm..."

"Because I think... —you back him into the settee where he falls on the cushion— you have it." He drops the sketchbook hidden behind his back, pages open to a full page spread of various drawings of Knight.

Not just one page but various pages filled with sketches of Knights face, arms, body, his eyes, his hair. Each sketch was filled with a lovers warmth, a beautiful rendition of man you call yours in various tones and hues.

"Please, forgive me!" Knight drops into a deep bow despite being in a sitting position, his head touching his knees. "I didn't mean to look, really! I was going to return it to you, but when I picked it up I saw something and--"

"Knight. It's alright."

You spoke firmly knocking this into his head.

"But... I've invaded your space, it's churlish and I'm so dashed ashamed of myself, I--

"-and you've been inside me."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I shouldn't have looked in your sketchbook without permission. I know you're protective of it, for good reason too. Still, that doesn't give me the right to invade your privacy... I'm sorry.." the way Knight speaks tells to how remorseful he is as he practically begs for forgiveness.

"Honestly... I don't really mind you seeing all my drawings Knight... it's kinda embarrassing to have you look though, makes me feel a little shy. I didn't know what youd think of it anyway, this probably looks crazy dosen't it? Seeing all the drawings of you in there," you play with your fingers feeling flustered.

"Not at all... it's beautiful, all of it. I'm touched really, it looks... looks alive? As if each drawing is imbued with a soul, unlike any of your other drawings, these look... erm... like you really like me," he hides his blush as he looks down at the sketchbook sprawled open on the settee.

"I mean... I do," you smile uncontrollably unable to hide the heat rising to your cheeks. "I love you Knight. I draw you so much because... you're my muse."

©bitchkay.tumblr.com

[arsalamsyah]

The Happy Ending of 2023

On Dec 22, 2023, I reflected on how this year has been. I remembered everything that happened in Q4 but questioned, “what did I do in Q1 to Q3?” I couldn’t even remember until I scrolled up again my instagram archives, and found stories from April 9, 2023. Forget about the title above for a second. Have you ever cried naturally so ugly that you still remember how painfully aching it felt even after months passed by? I teared up again looking at those insta stories to flashback. 

For context, home for me has always been the east coast – mid-atlantic specifically – where, despite not owning a physical house, my soul feels belong to its surroundings. You know it already why LA was, is, and will never ever be home for me based on this previous comparison I wrote in 2021.

While I enjoyed my work at SPX, I didn’t find balance outside of work which forced me to take flights to DC or NY almost every quarter to keep my sanity checked. Following a business trip to Florida and watching the F9 rocket launch with bare eyes back in April 2023, I extended my trip to spend the weekend in DC as I was already on the east coast anyway. Only spent less than 48 hours at home with my “foster” fam, and it was the shortest time I ever spent on a long west-coast-to-east-coast route. 

So getting back to the question, have you ever cried naturally so ugly that you still remember how painfully aching it felt even after months passed by? The emotion on April 9 still lingers through those insta stories – it was right after this direct flight from DCA airport to LAX that my heart was too heavy to carry.

The above is a combined video since Tumblr doesn’t allow multiple videos in one post. First video – this take-off from DCA airport was too pretty to say goodbye to. Got the right-side window seat facing the National Mall and the weather was absolutely comforting. Then second video – before landing at LAX airport during sunset which was actually eyes-pleasing with another plane queuing on the side. The pilot failed twice to land safely due to poor visibility through thick fog & mist. Pretty much a sign of an unwelcoming environment.

It was right after this flight that my tears just burst out naturally while I was waiting for my on demand ride, on the side of a highway, where nobody else was there but cars passing by through the dark. I couldn’t hold it anymore that this cathartic cry had to happen and my chest was painfully suffocated. I turned around not to face the street because it was just too ugly to see, and had I not held my luggage tightly, I probably fell down to the ground crying like a baby. Admittedly, I had more cries living there than my entire life. The return trip from the east coast had never been easy even from the first time I moved there, “hhhh, why do I have to leave again?” “why am I here?” “God, let me go home.” “let me just go.”

What made the cry further uglier was the fact that the only thing (and there is only one thing) I can do is to repent for everything, asking Allah’s forgiveness. You can’t beat those pure senses. You just can’t. You can only repent and trust His puzzling plan. 

Earlier this year was a rough patch for me, living on the edge of decision to decision and negotiation to negotiation, mostly very last minute like mini heart attacks. But finally Allah let me flip it beautifully to a much happier life, and safely returned home for good for real foreveeerrrr. 

Ever since moving back to NYC, I experience happiness like never before. Like my soul returns to its body quite literally. Waking up happy, running the day happy, going to bed happy – constantly 24/7 every single day for the past few months filled with utter gratitude. I didn’t know happiness like this existed. I didn’t regret my past decision to relocate to California because had I not done that, maybe I wouldn't be as grateful as today. I tried. I did try. I tried to like it in so many ways for a couple years and it just didn’t work out. It's not my way of living. So don't you dare judging this cry is a test to my level of maturity or inability to accept uncomfortable situation. This is not.

To me to be home again is very personal & poetic. A relief, an ease, a reunion with my own self, being loved again, forgiving & compromising, tranquility over the heart, smiling from ear to ear, gratitude for every single breath, a comfort internally and externally – I shall never let that slip again. After a choking series of denials, a good friend once said, “listen to your heart, sometimes it tries to tell you something”. For another round of the sun, Alhamdulillahirrabil’alamiin thankful for the faith, the endurance, the persistence, and all other good traits that didn’t go unappreciated by my own (sometimes demanding) self.

it me, after moving back to Manhattan, at one of my favorite spots in Central Park during the peak of fall foliage season, living happily ever after beyond 2023.

[icarus-does-fall]

Chapter Six

Sibling drama, the start of the poor bois trauma , he'll get back to his notta-boyfriend boyfriend eventually I promise

The beginning of the End

As Michael made his way back to the cathedral his thoughts lingered constantly on Kain and the time they spent together. He wasn't sure how to feel about Kain, about what he was feeling in general. Kain made him feel things, made him think things- acknowledge things that weren’t permitted. With a soft sigh and a heart still aflutter Michael pushed his way through the cathedral doors.

“Michael!” An overly excited voice shouted as he walked through the doors, the sun had just set by the time he had arrived back.

“Michael where have you been? Are you okay, did something happen? Me and the father have been worried sick over your sudden disappearance! Not to mention you had clerical duties you were supposed to attend to today- They made Joshua fill in for you, he's still in training Michael. We have responsibilities brother.”

Michael was barely given a moment to gather his surroundings before his sister bombarded him, which he should have expected. The two were almost never apart and Michael going off without notice was almost unheard of. With a soft sigh he replied, “Yes Mary I’m back, I would always return to you, we’re the last of our family. Nothing happened, I simply went out. I- I apologise for abandoning my post here at the cathedral.”

Mary shook her head and then pulled her brother in for a tight hug, her tail was wagging behind her still from his return. “It's no matter to me, not anymore really, however you will need to take it up with Father Kier. But he's such a sweetheart, I'm sure he’ll be just as understanding as I, as long as you're honest with him! Remember brother Father Keir saved us, we owe him our honesty and our lives.”

Michael, he tensed ever so slightly as Kier was mentioned. Keir Craven, the dragonborn that saved the twins after their parents' untimely demise. He was… a double edged sword in terms of a saving grace. For Mary he was a bringer of light, a new beginning. Yet for Michael he was the start of a tortuous and horror filled childhood.

“Mary-” He shook his head as he cut his sentence short and then pulled Mary in for another hug. “Nevermind it. I shall do my best, let us hope Father Keir is just as forgiving as you believe him to be, yes?”

Mary grinned with a laugh as she pulled away from the hug, looping her arm through Michaels. “Oh please brother, Father Keir has been nothing but kind to us since he took us in as children, you overthink things too much, one of the many reasons you're always in trouble. Now for the love of the great ones, tell me where you went.”

“I simply went out and lost track of time, I don't get out much anymore since it is to be believed I cannot interact with possible parishioners so I merely wanted to enjoy time in the city. Really Mary, there is nothing to worry about I promise. I was well behaved.”

Mary sighed and gave Michael a doubtful look. “Michael, last time you went into the town you got into a fight- Someone bit you for heaven's sake, and! You're not even wearing the expected attire, you went into the public dressed down? Brother, there's rules we have to follow for living in the cathedral. It's not that I don't trust you- I do! You're my brother, I would never truly doubt you, you just also have a record Michael. I want to make sure you stay safe.”

“Mary, I promise I was indeed behaved while I was out today, I am aware that I am… Presenting in the best way that I could be but I just needed a little space, and today I was given that, I felt like I was allowed to breathe again.”

Mary gave Michael another look before sighing and pulling her arm out of his and turned to walk towards her room. “Very well brother, I’ll let the matter rest but do not forget to take the matter but with Father Keir still. I am glad that you seem to be feeling more like yourself again, it has been quite a long time since I’ve seen you this relaxed.”

With a shake of his head he sighed, he shook his head and turned to walk in the other direction- The one towards Keir's office. The sooner he faced his punishments the less harsh things would be to deal with, at least that's how it usually worked.

Just before he reached Keir's office though he stopped in front of a large stained glass window. It was dark out of the colours were not as bright as they unusually were yet it brought him the same feelings of comfort- and of dread that passing it usually did.

The windows’ image was of the tree of life, it was large and ornate. It was beautiful. But its background was of red hues, it was haunting in the dark without the light of the sun shining through and all that he could ever picture against the large oak with those red glass panes behind it was the blood that had been shed all through his life. His own, as well as his parents.

Stealing himself once more he took a deep breath and then walked down the hall that led to Keirs office. He knocked once. Twice. And then a low, almost gruff yet ever hypnotic voice called out from the side. “Enter.”

[fuckingloginwall]

✎ I Love My Selves

✴ Post-Standard Imposter AU ft. Your Self-Insert (or at least one of them)

—☵☵☰☰☰☵☵—

One second Teyvat was drooling for your death, the next you were the most beloved deity in the world.

Pretty hard to believe the latter given your first impression of this nightmare, one you'll never wake up from.

Said nightmare was constantly proclaiming it's love for you, right after trying to kill you . . . Yeah you've seen enough horror to know where this is going.

But all humans need to be loved.

You'll never turn to Teyvat for that, and nobody from Earth can fill in that role, nor will your trauma let you reassure yourself, so what do you do?

Practice self-love, but with extra steps.

—☵☵☰☰☰☵☵—

⌡ 🔏 Reader from Faraway, be on guard, Cults, Religious Themes, and Mentioned Execution, are features of these pages. ⌠

⌡ 🔏 Do come and tell me if there are any other details I have failed to alert thee of . . . ⌠

—☵☵☰☰☰☵☵—

The Crowning Of The True Creator, a seven-day-long festivity all of Teyvat was celebrating alongside the execution of the Imposter.

It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, one of prayer and salvation for Teyvat after daring to obey the Fake. One where you and your creations would forgive and forget, pushing aside the past and making way for a glorious future.

Or it was supposed to be.

Predictably, gods—or at least those human enough—never forgive and never forget something as wretched as witch hunts and attempted lynching.

You know this better than anyone else.

And as if that wasn't enough you were declared The Creator, the creator of a universe coded and drawn by the hands of a corporation you had no part in.

And all of this because of some funky gold blood in your veins? Bah! It was all bullshit!

You were no imposter and you were no creator, but because of your flesh and blood, nooobody believe you.

So all you could do was smile and nod. Smile and nod to the every word of these cultists, your captors.

It was during one song speaking of your alleged Infinity Powerful Abilities™️ that you couldn't help but wonder . . .

. . . that yeah, you have no powers, but what if you did? What's the harm in trying out?

During a heavenly break from the masses, in the privacy of your gilded cage, you poured all your focus into trying to create a special somebody. Somebody you did create.

And create you did.

There they were in front of you, your self-insert, made from your personality and your desires. Somebody you lived through.

And the best part is that they understood you, were bearable (maybe even better!), and you freaking enjoyed their presence, flaws be damned (or even welcomed)! even those you hated in yourself and everyone else

For the rest of the week you two were glued to the hip, conversing with one another and doing as you wished. Never mind the cultists you had to please and expectations to meet! You had a friend to be besties with!

For your Self-Insert it was a realization—to say the least—that they didn't exist before you brought them here. Their memories and stories, their world, those they knew, everything was just fiction you dreamt up. Once upon a time they weren't real!

But they were real now, and your the reason why.

And you were somebody who lovingly made them, lived the unreal reality alongisde them. Someone who handpicked each part of their every being and loved the gestalt for what it was.

Not the forgone past. Not the potential future. The current now.

You poured your soul into them, brought to them to life—

"—and the universe said 'I love you because you are love.'" Recited your creation to whoever it was they humored.

'And so too was the universe loved' they'd think to themselves, but Teyvat purged that certainty from you. Nevermind the past. Just as you had, they would lend the same love given to them. Love you held for them, and thus yourself. After all . . .

Those stupid Allogenes may have been your characters to play with once upon a time, but they were your real Vessel, one whose very being was a part of you, and nothing could change that . . .

Your self-proclaimed Acolytes would watch with envy. Was it shameful to hold such a grudge towards something tailormade, so trusted, so perfect for such a purpose?!?! Yes. Yes it was.

But how are the creations of a forgotten body ever to compare to an art piece, that of the current self?

—☵☵☰☰☰☵☵—

Comment below any "[they] would not fucking say [or do] that" moments you experienced while reading this one lol

A break away from my own Imposter AU.

Reader assumes that since they didn't actually participate in making Genshin Impact, only seemed to have Gold blood to make them stand out, and zero memories of any past life, that they weren't really special, just unlucky enough to be the product of the cult's obsessions but that wasn't the case lol.

So yeah, since you're stuck here, might as well make the most of it and see if you truly have powers to make and break

You have the power indeed! You use it to make your Self-Insert real and break the hearts of Teyvat once again!

Why have a cult that tried to kill you when you can have your Self-Insert with you instead?

You're SI's thoughts on you? obvs they have some love for you, but what kind of love that is, is up to you.

Also you consider your SI your only creation lmao

Anyways worldbuilding

The Crowning is an event every nation spends seven days celebrating, and The Creator attends the main event in a different nation each day. So for example, Day 1: Mondstadt, Day 2: Liyue, etc., etc..

Lots of fighting on what order the Creator's visits would go in. It's whatever you imagine.

For the most part Teyvat pray, sacrifices and gives offers to the Creator. Partakes in purification rituals to be cleansed of sin (cuz of the Imposter Hunt and Imposter being deemed the Creator) and spends the rest of the day celebrating the Creator's descent.

But the day the Creator is in the nation? It's all jubilation and sky-high celebration. That's when the celebration of the Nation peaks and everyone is trying to at least get a glance of the Creator. The next day they presume as scheduled afterwards.

Once reader's Self-Insert comes into being and is brought into public eye, word spreads fast, especially to the next nations the duo is to visit.

Opinions are split.

Because during the event, the Creator has personally created a being, somebody who takes up all their attention, giving less attention than before to their worshippers, favoring them just like that.

The nations before this are glad to have more acknowledgement from the Creator than the nations yet to be visited due to the SI's abscence.

Others are estatic that the Creator's newest creation is going to bless the nation with their pressence, and revere the Creation almost as much as The Creator. Others are salty that the Creator made their Creation after leaving their nation.

Some don't complain about the Creator's Creation. For one, Teyvat irreversibly hurt the Creator, and it makes sense for them to turn to another Creation they could actually trust. The favoritism was inevitable.

Or maybe they think something else.

[yoongimain]

Need You To Be Sure (pt.2) | kth

Pairing: Taehyung x Femme!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Romance. 

Warnings: Vulgar language. Angst. Complicated feelings. This is essentially the healing part of the relationship.

Songs: As it was - Harry Styles, Beg for you - Charli XCX & Rina Sawayama

Words: 2,228

Taehyung - 1995

Femme Lead - 1998

Note: I honestly was not expecting the love that the first chapter of this got. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! I worked hard on this “Post breakup” chapter, and hope y’all enjoy it! As always, please leave a comment below and let me know how I did!​ Please read PT 1 if you have yet to do so here: BS1

Some italicized lines are the OC’s thoughts! ​

Date Posted: 8/31/2021

Three weeks have passed since receiving the photo.

Three weeks of heartache while constantly checking your phone for literally anything from Taehyung.

You miss him more than you dared to admit. 

The warmth in his arms each night. The dumb fights over what to watch. His drumming fingers on your thighs when you finally decided on something. 

There was not a single day that passed by where you didn't consider swallowing your pride and messaging Taehyung. 

But you couldn’t. 

Ever the stubborn person, you waited for him to call first. 

It's only right, considering the photographic proof sent to you. The thought of that photo alone makes you sick to your stomach. 

So, you waited. Day by day, one empty lactose-free ice cream pint after another. 

Each passing day leaves you with an intruding thought.

Like if he even misses you the way you miss him, or if he was just utilizing his time erasing you. 

What if you didn’t see that photo? What if you hadn’t argued? 

Even better: What if you never proclaimed your feelings last year? 

Would any of this have made a difference? 

Short answer: No, not really. 

You would still have the complicated feelings you have. You would still see him with someone else in his clutches, someone who would have never been you. 

You would still feel numb, lying in your room alone. 

You finally pushed yourself to move all of Taehyung’s belongings into a bin to store away in your closet. 

With each photo, small decoration and article of clothing, you could feel your heart crack a little further. Because at the end of the day, you knew that you weren’t ready. Deep in your heart, you knew you would never be able to let go of Taehyung. 

Not after all the years you spent together. 

Not after allowing him into each deep corner of your heart. 

The room you found comfort in was unrecognizable. Your bed seemingly empty as his side of the bed was no longer occupied. 

One day, you may even forget that it was ever his side in the first place. You’ll slowly forget how his arms feel around you. 

That day just won’t be today. 

Almost as an alarm, you receive a message. 

Namjoon: “At the least, let me know you are safe.”

Safe? Were you safe? 

Physically, sure. You were still kicking as any living person would.

Mentally? Who even knew anymore? 

You shouldn’t lock yourself away in your bedroom. You knew that. 

There just wasn’t anything worth leaving for. 

There are only so many distractions that you can entertain before Taehyung is front and center in your brain again. 

You’ve turned your apartment upside down, cleaning every crevice. Every cabinet has been reorganized, and every piece of furniture has been moved.  

You have indulged in your art once again. Painting, sketching and even sculpting with trash. 

Everything you did was no use, though. You still made an imaginary space for Taehyung. You still painted him, drew him, thought of him. 

Each time he came to view, you found yourself broken down at square one once again. 

So here you are, lying in bed, staring at your phone. Ready to give up and forgive him for everything. 

“No, it isn’t funny!” You hear your sister’s voice boom through the apartment, notifying that she is finally home. A faint laughter follows her telling you she isn’t alone.

“I don’t know, it sounds pretty funny to me!” 

You drag a hoodie over your head and peek your head into the hallway. 

“Are they home?” The mysterious voice asks. 

“I’m pretty sure. I should get them to come eat.” Your sister says. Her footsteps echoing through the apartment and to your room. 

“Hey! Come eat, Jimin and I got you some goodies!” 

“Alright.” 

--

You lean on your elbow, gently stabbing at the food in front of you with a fork. Jimin and your sister were conversating beside you, enjoying their meals as well. 

“Ah! That reminds me. Jungkook is hosting a party this weekend. Would you both like to come?” Jimin asks with excitement. 

Your silence is louder than you intend. It has been a few weeks or so that you have last seen everyone. 

Slowly releasing your utensil onto the table, you smile. 

“I am fine with staying home, but you should definitely go.” You say to your sister, giving the most gentle answer you could. 

It is true that Jimin always has pure intentions, but you couldn’t help but to feel hurt that he would ask that. Which, Jimin realizes as soon as your sister serves him an under-the-table kick. 

“I’m sorry. I just figured it has been a while.” He says. Visibly embarrassed, he takes a sip of his drink. 

“I would have to think about it. I don’t know if I am ready just yet.” You say. 

Your sister clears her throat and diverts the conversation, bringing Jimin’s attention to a new bong piece she had found at The Third Planet recently. 

You quickly use the distraction to excuse yourself back to your room and further wallow in your feelings again. 

Letting your head hit your pillow full force, your mind paces again. 

It isn’t that you didn’t want to go, you haven’t seen your friends in forever.

Namjoon hasn’t stopped messaging you either. 

But the chances of running into Taehyung?

High, very high. 

After tossing and turning, you reach for your phone again. Unlocking it and looking back at your messages with Jimin. 

The last message remains the same. The photo that has taken all your nights of sleep. 

The discomfort lurches up from your chest again, forcing you to sit up. 

Everything about the photo haunts you. 

The unfamiliar woman in his lap, his arms around her waist. 

Her hands tangled in his hair, and their lips plastered to one another. 

For a whole year, you wanted nothing more than to hold his hand in front of everyone. 

To at least show that he was yours, just as you were his. 

Yet, not even a week after your argument, he had someone else in his arms. 

Meanwhile, you continue to struggle picking up the pieces of your heart that fall apart just about every day. 

It was unfair. 

It was cruel. 

It made all of your experiences with Taehyung feel like a sham. A complete fraud. 

And again, you think of all the possible reasons why you weren’t good enough. 

Why, when he claims the feelings to be there, could he not give you his all? 

A knock on the door disrupts your existential crisis. 

“Uh, hey! It’s me. Can I come in?” Jimin’s small voice reaches you from the door. 

“Um, yeah.” You say, wiping away the tears you collected from your own self pity. 

The door clicks open, and Jimin comes in to sit beside you on the bed. 

“I just wanted to come in and check on you myself.” He says, rubbing his hands on his sweatpants. 

You kept your eyes on your phone lying in your limp hands. 

Through this time on your own, you have tried time and time again to figure out and organize your feelings. It wasn’t until this very moment that they all dawned on you. 

Jimin scoots in closer so you can rest your head on his shoulder. 

Allowing you a judgment free space to feel exactly what you needed to feel. 

Your small cries progress into a full sob. 

You were upset at the argument. Upset that the relationship you invested most of your life in was merely a question with no answers. 

You were hurt that after being so clear from the start, he still didn’t see it. 

He didn’t see you. 

Hurt by his abandonment. 

Angry at his betrayal, and even angrier that you could hardly even call it betrayal anyways. 

Hurt, angry and full of despair. 

“I hate him, Chim. I fucking hate him.” You sob. 

Jimin wraps an arm around your shoulder and pulls you closer, caging you into his side. 

“That’s okay. You are allowed to feel that.” He reassures you. 

Your heart constricts with each gasp you make. The pain is far too intense for you to feel anything else. 

“But I hate that I can’t hate him at all.” You confess. 

“I love him so much, Jimin. I don’t know how to live without him.” You say. 

Jimin just provides comfort as he sees fit, letting you fully feel your emotions. 

“Why is he doing this to me?” You ask, knowing well that Jimin has no answer. 

Jimin is still searching for answers himself.

He knew that you had feelings for Taehyung, after overhearing bits and pieces from your sister of course. 

Taehyung was secretive about his personal relationships; especially after his ex, but Jimin knew he felt some kind of way about you too. 

It started with the first party that Taehyung made a scene at.

Then, Taehyung began to disappear after social events. 

Alone. 

Suddenly, Taehyung would only show up to events if you were also going. 

So, contrary to your beliefs, your secret relationship with Taehyung wasn’t so secret after all. 

Jimin just didn’t have any idea of how intense your feelings were. 

“I can’t speak on his behalf, but as an outsider looking in…” He began. “A person who does nothing but send you mixed signals probably doesn't deserve you.”  

Though you listened, you didn’t want to hear that. You didn’t want to admit that Taehyung didn’t deserve you. 

A part of you wants to believe that this was all a misunderstanding and that he will come knocking on your window again like he always has. 

“From the beginning, I was the one who initiated.” You say, piecing together the important pieces of your story before telling him more. 

“Taehyung was clear from the start that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He told me he didn’t want to commit yet.” You continued. “After talking about our situation… I just went with the flow and waited for him to be ready.” 

Jimin kept quiet, listening to your story. 

“For a whole year, we were practically together. The only thing that didn’t make it official was the title.” Your typical anxiety ticks kick in in the form of cuticle picking. 

“For a while now, I thought to myself. Why doesn’t he want to be official then? Was he embarrassed by me?” You questioned. 

Jimin rubs small circles on your shoulder the second he recognizes he waver in your voice. 

“Or maybe I was never good enough for him?” You finally conclude.  

“I don’t think that is it at all.” Jimin rebuttals. “I can’t speak on Taehyung’s behavior, considering I knew nothing about all this. However, I don’t think that you are not good enough. If anything, he is the one who isn’t good enough.” 

“Taehyung is also an absolute idiot.” He says. “I know everything probably feels like it's crashing on you. Just take the time you need. The right answer will always find you.” 

--

“I don’t know dude.” Taehyung sighs into his phone and picks up a bottle from his table. 

Empty bottles of liquor cover the floor of his small studio apartment, representing the emptiness of his own heart. 

“What do you mean you don’t know? You had a whole year to know!” Jimin shouts at him through his car’s Bluetooth. 

After seeing you broken down, it was hard for Jimin to not step in and knock some sense into Taehyung. 

“If you don’t want them then tell them that. Be fucking honest.” Jimin says, hitting his steering wheel out of frustration. “But on the flip side, if you share the same feelings they do then fucking do something before someone else steps in. Because believe me when I say, there is definitely someone waiting to take your spot.” 

“What are you talking about?” Taehyung sits up at the mention of ‘someone else’ 

“You better talk to them, Kim.” 

The line dies out, leaving Taehyung in stupor. 

Your relationship with Taehyung has never fallen apart due to you, and he recognizes that. All this time, it was his own insecurity that made him keep you at such a distance. 

You were pure, and perfect. Too perfect. Everything about you made him lose his breath every time. 

The way you gaze at the stars and ask him if he thought there was life out there.

The way you confidently strut around his apartment with a messy bun and just his t-shirt. 

The way you were able to easily read his emotions better than he could ever read himself.

He didn’t deserve your love. 

He knew that if he kept you far enough, you would see the kind of person he was. You would realize, and move on to someone better suited for you. 

Even if that person was that annoying prick, Namjoon Kim, he would surrender his place in your life. 

He just never realized how much of himself he would have to lose when he lost you. 

He has tried to forget your touch.

He has tried to replace the hands that once held him with so much love.

However, he knew no one could ever replace you. 

Not in his mind, and never in his heart. 

Once again, he closes his eyes in attempt to forget his reality.

Note: Thank you again for your support! I know this is shorter this time, but I wanted to make room for all the drama within BS3!! I can’t wait to hear from you all! <3 

TAGLIST: @Borahaeb1ch @wrecklesssly @sumzysworld​ @thoudailydeets @laylasbunbunny​ @kthstrawberryshortcake-main​ @blu3flame @astoriasx​ @cherrycheola @jeontier  @angelarin​ @aritoocute @mlttb @mahbeanz

[brightlight-dazzlingeyes]

ibiza night fever | epilogue

pablo gavi x original female character [+18]

synopsis: to celebrate her recent freedom, sofie’s best friends invited her to spend the summer in ibiza. after four years, a tattoo and countless fights – sofie was single. she was dumped on her 22nd birthday; now all she asks for is a calm and relaxing vacation with her girlfriends – no boys allowed. warnings: age gap, alcohol consumption, smut, angst; minors dni.

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The vacation is coming to an end and the island life starts to feel more like a fever dream. Everything is too bright and shiny, the weather is too hot. As the end approached, her friends seemed to get her even busier. Every day there was a new adventure, a new interesting party or Michelin star restaurant. Sofie barely remembers how life was like before, and she can’t imagine what is gonna be like when she goes back. No more sunset concerts or jet skis. No more yachts, no more Spanish men. Pablo still didn’t have her phone number, but it didn’t really matter — they were constantly talking. There was always a carefully planned coincidence putting them in the same room. And the same bed.

And then, suddenly, on their last day in Ibiza, Thomas showed up. The now much bigger group of friends were all hanging out in the girl’s villa. It was a goodbye party.

“Thomas?”

He was standing there, looking disheveled and desperate. Her heart skipped a beat, but she quickly regained her composure.

"What are you doing here?" Sofie asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

"I came to find you," he said, taking a step closer. "I made a mistake, Sofie. Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life."

Sofie shook her head, trying to push away the memories of their painful breakup. "It's too late, Thomas. You can't just show up like this."

"But I love you," he pleaded. "Please give me another chance. I was scared and I acted like a coward. I’m so sorry. Please, please forgive me."

"I can't just forget everything that's happened”

"I'll do anything," he said, his voice cracking with emotion. "Please, Sofie. I can't live without you. I'll give you all the time you need, but please tell me you’ll think about it."

Sofie took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity and desperation in them. She knew she still loved him, but she couldn't let herself be hurt again. Still, she nodded. She found herself hugging him and saying goodbye, promising to continue their conversation another day. Back home.

“Who does he think he is to just show up like that?” Rebecca was furious.

“Who is he?” Pedro asked. Later, while finishing packing her bags, Sofie explains it all to Pablo.

“So the heart tattoo is for him?” He asks, looking more like the anxious boy of the day she met him, big doll eyes and blushy cheeks. He was disappointed, she knew him enough to understand that. "So you were using me? To forget him.” 

“You were using me too. To get your dick wet.”

Pablo gives a dry chuckle.

“What a nice match we made, huh.”

Sofie tries to smile while holding back tears, she’s afraid of saying anything else. He wraps his arms around her, pretending that if he hugs her for long enough she won’t have to leave.

“Don’t go back to him. I know you don't want me like that, but don’t go back to him.”

They’re both quietly sobbing in each other's arms and it doesn’t make any sense. It was just sex, they don’t even know each other that well. It shouldn’t be hurting so much. Sofie writes her number in a post it and hands it to him.

“No, no. You were right. It’s better this way.” Pablo pushes her hand away, not even looking at the paper. She nods.

**

Rebecca cries during the whole flight home, so Sofie doesn’t have a lot of time to feel sorry for herself. There’s an understanding she was much closer to Pedro than Sofie to Pablo. So the girls dedicate themselves to taking care of Becca. She never talks about that sort of thing and this time is no different. So they don’t really know what happened with the couple.

“That’s how the rest of our lives are gonna be, you know.” Chiara whispers to her when Rebecca finally falls asleep. “Watching one after the other getting hurt over stupid men.”

“At least we have each other.”

Chiara agrees.