#please read the ao3 tags i don't wanna write it all over again

[saikoroshihen]

just released my sixth chapter

[chuulyssa]

can you write about pm!dazai who edges you a lot with a breeding kink? fem reader please!

ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ ᴏꜱᴀᴍᴜ !

★ COUNT ─ 0.7k

!! TAGS ─ f!reader x pm!dazai, underage sex, unprotected sex, p in v, oral (f receiving), cunnilingus, fingering, squirting, spanking, degradation, praise kink, hair pulling, edging, begging kink, breeding kink, overstimulation, slightly angsty at the end, mood swings, exhibitionism, public sex, bathroom sex, mirror sex, dazai is a jerk and reader is a brat

★ PROLOGUE ─ a jealous, mafia boyfriend? what could possibly go wrong?

SMUT, 18+, MDNI

READ ON AO3

It wasn't easy being Osamu Dazai's girlfriend.

Sure, the suicidal tendency was bearable to some extent. The intense amount of flirting and teasing? Maybe. Heck, even his dangerous profession was okay with you.

But there were times - times that pissed even your usually calm (and secretly loving) boyfriend off, which would result in moments such as this one.

"Please, please, 'Samu, I wanna come."

"No," he flat-out refused you, placing his tongue so that it would hit your clit with every word. "Should've thought of that before draping yourself all over that dumbass."

"But I-"

You were cut off by another finger inside your cunt, stretching it out even more. You were practically screaming at this point, make-up smudged and head lolled to one side of the bathroom door. Your legs were shaking, and you thought you would've collapsed ages ago if it wasn't for Dazai's hands holding your ass steadily from in between your legs.

"Oh, god, please, I can't hold it in!" you cried pathetically, mascara running down your cheeks.

"Better try to," he replied haughtily. "You wanted my attention, right? There you have it."

It was only when you began to drip that he let out a groan as if it was your fault for not letting him "enjoy his meal."

"Seriously?" he gave your ass a loud spank. "Can't even listen to me? You're miserable."

You whimpered, face pressing into the door frame as your legs finally let go, causing you to fall crashing on the floor while Dazai got up and unbuckled his pants.

He folded his belt in half, bent down and hit your ass again, and although he had tried to be as gentle as he could've, you still ended up squirting the rest of your orgasm.

"Done?" Dazai rolled his eyes, and you nodded. He pulled you up from your elbows harshly, as if you were nothing more than a ragdoll for him, and pushed you against the bathroom sink.

Running a slender finger down your back, he spoke quietly, as if his entire mood had changed all of a sudden.

"You like this, don't you? Like it when I play with you like this? That's the reason you talk to Chuuya, right? So I get jealous? Because you know we'll end up this way then?"

Your brain was fucked out and your vision was blurry, but you could make out the serious, almost somber expression on your boyfriend's face from the mirror in front of you. You bucked your hips behind you to reach his cock, closing your eyes and nodding. You mumbled a tiny, "I'm sorry," which he ignored.

"You won't... leave me, right?"

You opened your eyes and gave him a lazy smile, which he appreciated, considering your current condition.

"You love me?"

"The most."

Dazai nodded and lined his cock up your entrance. Your hands gripped the edge of the sink tightly in anticipation, your knuckles white. Slowly, he pushed in, taking in every inch of your tight pussy. His hand reached out to fondle your nipples, head resting on your back as he pulled back and thrust inside you again.

You let out a loud moan, mouth forming an O-shape and eyelashes framing your eyes in a sultry look. Oh, how you loved the way Dazai pounded into you, hair messy and sweat dropping, calling you his "pretty little slut". So lovable after the relentless edging and begging.

Well, it didn't take him long to switch up his personality once more, going from calm to rough all over again. You were slumped over the sink, head and back arched while Dazai silently thrust into you with all his might.

"Bet you wouldn't leave me just so you could have this dick, yea?" he yanked your hair and you yelped. "So I'm gonna come inside you, and I'm hiding your little birth control pills."

You whined.

"You're my little breeding bitch. I'm gonna fuck you so hard. Bet you'd like for your periods to disappear for nine months? Eh?" he teased.

The idea was refreshing. And so he continued. Once, twice, thrice. Honestly, you couldn't remember how much cum he stored in you. It wasn't until someone knocked on the door that you left the mall. This was probably the eighth time you got caught in public.

It really wasn't easy being Osamu Dazai's girlfriend.

© chuulyssa 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.

[whumpthemusical]

Whump: The Musical Prompts!!

As stated before, this challenge will run from March 1- March 31, 2024. All fandoms are welcome to participate despite it being prompts based off of musicals. Once again, all types of media are allowed. This challenge has the standard "choose one for the day" style, but feel free to do all three prompts if that's what you want to do!! All types of whump are allowed, but please be respectful to your fellow audience members and properly tag it!! Some of these prompts are sensitive, so make sure you warn your readers correctly! There will be an ao3 collection and an FAQ post coming soon, so if you have any further questions or comments about this challenge, feel free to drop me a line. Happy writing, my beautiful ingénues, and enjoy the show :)))

The prompts will be listed under the cut for those who have difficulty reading fonts!!

Cats- Sabotage • Second Chances • "I Can Dream Of The Old Days."

Wicked- Mob Mentality • Propaganda • "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished."

Jesus Christ Superstar- Whipping • Betrayal • "Then I Was Inspired, Now I'm Sad And Tired."

Les Mis- Survivor's Guilt • Failure • "Drink With Me To Days Gone By."

Heathers- Poison • Reluctant Whumper • "Wanna fight for me?"

Newsies- Chronic Pain • Exploitation • "Let 'Em Laugh In My Face, I Don't Care."

The Last Five Years- Infidelity • Gaslighting • "I Will Not Lose Because You Can't WIn."

Hadestown- Deals • Doomed Narrative • "Doubt Comes In."

Sweeney Todd- False Imprisonment • Razors • "Have You Decided It's Safer In Cages?"

Rent- Substance Abuse • Poverty • "Feels Too Much Damn Like Home."

Bare: A Pop Opera- Outing • Religious Trauma • "Please, See Me."

Waitress- Unplanned Pregnancy • Abuse • "She Is Broken And Won't Ask For Help."

Tick Tick Boom- Atychiphobia • Working To Exhaustion • "Is This Real Life?"

Dear Evan Hansen- Deception • Broken Bone • "Words Fail."

West Side Story- Star-Crossed Lovers • Prejudices • "A Boy Who Kills Cannot Love."

Come From Away- Stranded • Aftermath • "Blankets And Bedding And Maybe Some Food."

Spring Awakening- Withheld Information • Suicide  • "I Don't Scream, Though I Know It's Wrong."

Hamilton- Hurricane  • Dueling • "I Will Kill Your Friends And Family To Remind You Of My Love."

Falsettos- Sickness • Identity Issues • "Death Is Not A Friend."

Into The Woods- Blame • Lost • "Nothing But A Vast Midnight."

The Great Comet- Abduction • Letters • "Did You Love That Bad Man?"

In The Heights- Grief • Homesickness • "I Know That I'm Letting You Down."

Be More Chill- Mind Manipulation • Panic Attack • "Everything About Me Makes Me Want To Die."

Moulin Rouge- Class Differences • Sex Work • "Come What May."

Chicago- Cold Blood • Trial • "He Had It Coming."

Six- Execution • Trauma Bonding • "Playtime's Over."

Ride The Cyclone- Unexpected Tragedy • Forgotten Whumpee • "I Hear The Anguish Of The Street."

The Rocky Horror Show- Obsession • Wrong Place, Wrong Time • "I've Seen Blue Skies Through The Tears."

Nerdy Prudes Must Die- Bullying • Ritual • "Who Will Pray For You?"

Jekyll And Hyde- Duality • Good Vs Evil • "If I Die, You'll Die."

Phantom Of The Opera- Disfiguration • Shunned • "My Power Over You Grows Stronger Yet."

[thatdeadaquarius]

Soon.

☆

With a puzzled squint, you could see the adeptus was running over what you said in his mind, trying to parse out the meaning. Xiao then threw his head up out of his slight bow, almost glaring at you, “There is no task nor person more important than guarding you, my Lord. I will stand guard, worry not about my state.”

Nodding to you, he abruptly turned on his heel to shift to the side of the entrance to the mansion, his spear tall and ready. You’d have twitched a smile at him if you could, as you're sure he’s gotten a little more comfortable with you than when you first officially met. You’re also sure from meeting Zhongli just once in person that he’d have a small heart attack if he saw some of Xiao’s informal behavior.

But you’re glad he hasn’t, the more relaxed they are, especially considering your form, the better.

You duck inside, though the ceilings are so raised that you don’t have to go that low surprisingly. Huh, it was nice to be anticipated in a building usually sized for human heights. Wow. You’ve really reached the point of casually calling yourself inhuman.

…well, to be real with yourself right now, it might actually help to get more accustomed to that in case you’re never human again.

You also put that possibility back into the vault at the back of your mind.

☆

HEY I live, again,

I had a big life update what with my sib graduating grad school (getting their masters degree) at the same time we both moved like 2 states over from our home state 😅

and unfortunately, i wasnt able to get my monster of a sequel out in time to post it remotely to get it out to you guys while i was afk

(as i havent had wifi/free time consistently in like 2-3 weeks)

which, phew, im finally able to be settled in one place enough to write again, and have enough time in the day to not be dealing wiht my apartment to write ToT

i hope you guys arent too mad at me! (or have forgotten me?? sobs)

also.

i hear Natlan's coming out. 👀

I don't think it'll be out before i post the full (3 chapters total planned) sequel, but just in case, disclaimer-

🪄I am not to be held liable for not writing about Natlan bc it wasnt out yet woooo🪄

anyway, yeah its also taking a bit bc i wanna post the completed thing all in one go, over the course of like 3 days or so, that way u guys can actually look forward to the next little chapter in a reasonable amount of time lmao

well yknow, if anyones still reading this or my blog lol

happy summer you guys! I hope u all are having a good one so far, esp those of you in school, heart going out to yall fr <33

Catch you on the flip side (ao3 side?)✌️

Safe Travels,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck / @questionotmystopit / @chinuneko / @silvers-tongue

@karmascreeches / @yomilyy / @0rah-s / @idontknowwhatimdoingbutweball / @blackstar-gazer / @voidsgarden / @a-gay-piece-of-paper / @oxyotl / @thefirstonetoeverlikemeback / @kurayamioterasu / @randompersoninyourworld / @byakuren100 / @lemonade7255

[some-pers0n]

Demoman is one of the characters in the fandom I feel most people straight up ignore or don't know how to write. Blunt, sure, but I do stand by it. Demoman is such a fascinating, intriguing character with the most fleshed-out backstories, yet is oftentimes relegated to being Soldier 2.0, only now with poorly written phonetics.

In other words, hey! I'm a fanfic writer who has a ton of opinions as well as a neurotic need to analyze every character they come into contact with. Pleased to see you're reading this. I've already done a little doohickey essay like this with Medic a while back. The purpose of these long rambles is half of me combing through every instance of the character and pulling them apart to see how their character works...and also me not-so-subtly venting and complaining about mischaracterization. Shocking how a fandom where the main characters are all very clear-cut stereotypes with some slight subversions here and there can't seem to get them.

This essay will go through Demo's beginning and all the way to his latest appearance in the 6th comic. I'll touch on how his character shifts and is expanded upon. I doubt he changes as much as Medic has over the years, but I think it will be interesting to see. I'll just go over bits of characterization, try to rationalize it, and then try my best to sum up all of the traits by the end and try to describe his character in the most canon-compliant way.

With that preamble out of the way, let's begin. This is also 7k words btw just...be aware of that, okay?

Before we actually get into proper character stuff, I wanna lay the groundwork first by exploring the types of characterization I see from Demo. Pick them apart. See what they're really like.

So, of course, there's the popular Redditor opinion of Demo that's mainly shaped by the way people play him in the game. There, people will describe Demo as being generally a bumbling drunkard. It's not too uncommon to see people say that he's an angry drunk. A man who is more concerned with alcohol and drinking himself into a stupor than anything else. I've also seen people say that Demo straight up can't read, which...euhhhhggg. He feels more like an alternative version of Soldier at times, which, again, isn't accurate to his character.

I don't care at all for this characterization. I do think a good chunk is rooted in racism and it's generally very uncomfortable for me to look at for too long. This characterization is pretty shallow and empty, which makes for a boring and offensive caricature. Reddit moment.

The second one is more interesting and the version you'll see more on Tumblr. It's this...odd version of him. I can't exactly put my tongue on what is off about it. It seems more accurate to his character. He's a foil for Soldier a lot of the time (Boots n' Bombs is his most popular ship let's be real) and generally isn't exactly seen on his own. Sure yeah there's the oddball art of him and him only, but let's be real most of his tag is mainly just him being in the background or saying a jokey-joke.

I actually fell back into Ao3 for a bit to skim over some fics to see what kind of characterization there was of Demo there to refresh my memory, and some of the common throughlines was shockingly that he doesn't drink a lot. "He rarely drinks!" I remember reading once. That's not right, no. He's an alcoholic. Like that's a core part of his character. Another fic had him being called "Cyclops" as a pet name. Ew. Anywho, other than that it's Demo being pretty into cryptids, having the Eyelander as a buddy guy, etc and etc. It's fun, but also it's missing...something.

Then, it hit me: Demo rarely is seen as an individual. He reminds me of Heavy in that regard, where most of his appearances have him be the straight-man to another character. Most of the time he's secondary and just a folly for the other characters. It's disappointing in that regard. Like you see a lot more stuff for characters like Scout, Medic, etc and etc with their own unique characterization stuff and getting their own attention.

So...then what is Demoman's character, exactly? Well, that's what we're here to see. It'll be pretty interesting, no?

----

So, funny thing is that Demo didn't change nearly as much as Medic has over the years. Sure yeah, the concept art of Demo was more of the generic stereotypical Scotsman. White, ginger, sideburns, that whole thing. Cartoony and fun design, but eventually they went with the Demo we all know and love today.

Looking at the concept art, it all seems pretty standard for the tone that Invasion was going for at the time. Nothing really to note there other than Demo's face being a stock angry grr grr expression. It is interesting to see how the idea of him wearing an eye was a constant even from the beginning though.

This then brings us to the voicelines. Ahh, good ol' characterization. Demo here is characterized as being jovial and having fun. He's throwing out insults left and right, damning them to hell and laughing at them as they die. Usual typical mercenary stuff. This is just personal headcanon material, but I always rationalize the way the mercs act on the battlefield as being a result from adrenaline and generally being drunk on blood. They aren't as mean when off the clock, but it's worth noting that these are how these characters act when a gun's in their hands and they're exploding people left and right.

TF2 really likes basing the characters off of the class they play as and how they act. Scout is fast moving and his gameplay is oftentimes getting right in someone's face and bolting, which is reflective in his hotshot personality. It's only reasonable that Demo is an explosive, fun, and generally cocky guy when out and battling. He's lobbing grenades and sticky bombs left and right. He isn't afraid to yell to the Medic he just blew up that he's been shagging his wife and calling the Scout he just chopped the head off "twinkle-toes". He teases and such when it comes to the other team.

However, the voicelines also very curiously give us a really fascinating look into his character. He's an alcoholic. He loves his scrumpy, which is not whiskey, shockingly. I thought it was whiskey for the longest time, but no! It's a cider! His stock melee is the bottle he uses to drink, now turning it into a quick weapon. His model in the main menu is him holding up the bottle itself. His default melee taunt is him taking a swig from the scrumpy bottle. It's a core part of his identity, let's be real. It's a part of the whole Scottish stereotype he has going on.

The game of course follows this. There's a lot of lines where he's slurring and babbling in a cartoony drunken way. A good portion of it is just him making vague threats...but a lot of it is also sad. He calls himself a one-eyed bloody monster. He weeps and cries. When jeering, he says he's hit rock bottom here. Interesting new development.

Apologizes for pausing to ramble, but I don't get why people try and sand down the edges to Demoman's character by making him out as though he isn't an addict. He is. That's something that is made abundantly clear. The iconography of alcohol follows him like his own damn shadow. I dunno. It bothers me.

I digress. There's some other bonus stuff I think is quite interesting. Most of his battle charges involve the other team. "Let's gettem lads!" and all. I think it's neat how he views his teammates as just that. Teammates. Those he fights alongside with. Another thing of note is how he occasionally has lines that are...odd in a way. Poetic and dramatic. Something that subverts the typical characterization. When he loses at rock paper scissors, there's a chance he'll say "Oh, 'tis a dark day", which. well then okay buddy.

So to recap: for characterization in-game, Demo is an alcoholic Scotsman who is generally pretty witty and functioning despite the incredible amounts of booze he drinks. He is energetic, bombastic, and generally hearty and having fun. He's not taking things terribly seriously and is generally just going about and blowing stuff up. However, there is a very noticeable streak of sadness to his character. When drinking, he reveals undertones of self-deprecation and hatred. Why? How?

...well, you just need to take a gander at his character card.

Erm excuse me what the fuck.

I honestly do not understand the logic behind this backstory. Like in a practical sense. Like, yeah!! obviously this backstory is sad and such! I really actually like this backstory and honestly I love writing him in the context that this happened to him. It's just that...I can't wrap my head around the idea of this being Demo's backstory given that everyone else has pretty silly little blurbs here. I think the darkest it gets is Soldier going to Germany years after WWII ended to kill people.

This??? Sure yeah TF2 gets a lot sillier and more cartoony comedic as time goes on, but even with the current tone where is the funny? I ain't complaining, I love me my angst, but this is so jarring to see. I suppose that explains why they retcon it later, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Hey, at least it gives us an explanation to why Demo is sad. We can pretty easily gleam a reason for his current behaviour in the game from this: his messed up childhood. To begin, Tavish Finnegan DeGroot was abandoned by his parents and left to live in an orphanage. Eventually, he was adopted and brought up by some foster parents, who he then murdered in an attempt to blow up the Loch Ness monster. This was when he was six years old. Actual child. 

He then went back into the orphanage, where he would tinker with bombs. Why? Insert whatever headcanon here, but for me I think it's a feeling of fascination, yet also heavy guilt. Perhaps revenge. Either way, he loses his eye from these experiments. Eventually however, he's brought back into the family when word spreads of his excellence when it comes to manufacturing bombs. The use of the word "lovingly" feels exceptionally sarcastic, but that could be in part to how his parents are later characterized. Either way, this is a result of the DeGroot tradition, which, and I quote, is wholly unnecessary and cruel. It even cites it as him being reintroduced into his family as the "end of his unhappy childhood".

...so yeah. Pretty safe to say the reason for his alcoholism is to cope with that. He feels the guilt over that and will breakdown into sobs over it even. Yikeesss... It can also mean that he feels as though he's held up to incredibly high expectations, having the entire DeGroot family lineage to live up to. Again, later on he's being nagged at for not being as hard-working as his father, who, in good ol' TF2 fashion, blew up the Queen for a nickel. It does certainly feel that way, no?

So this introduces a new wrinkle to Demoman's current characterization: he's an alcoholic who is happy and has an upbeat and fun personality (at least on the battlefield), but underneath it he's hurting and feels ashamed of who he is. He drinks to cope and manage it, yet it only seems to exasperate problems at times.

Can I safely say that Demo is the merc with the most fascinating and intriguing backstory and personality thus far? Sure yeah I love Engie a lot as well, but Demo's character actually feels like it is a result of the backstory written for him. Like all of the other mercs sure you can go on and on about stuff with them, like Scout and Spy and their whole deal, Sniper and his parents, everything with Heavy, etc. Demo?? Right off the bat there's something to chew on in terms of actual character writing.

What an interesting character! I sure hope later installations of the story will follow through on this and give him ample screentime!

Anywho, time for the Meet the Demo video. Again, a departure from the Meet the Medic video and how I rambled on and on about that one, but it was mainly due to MtM being something to mark a drastic shift in Medic's character from serious and angry to more silly and mad scientist-esque. Meet the Demo, due to it being one of the Meet the Team videos made so early on, doesn't really get the benefit of a short with a story, but I digress.

This one is stylized more like an interview, which, in canon, means he's telling this all to The Director and all. It opens with the title screen before the horns section seep in, cutting to a clip of Demo running while explosions go off behind him. A freeze frame cut before a voice-over of Demo comes on with the iconic line "What makes me a good Demoman? If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be here discussing it with you, now would I!?"

Okay so just more confirmation and all of Demo's personality in-game. According to his bio, he has a short temper and all, which could explain him getting louder when asked that question. I don't think it's a joke or him exaggerating, since he seems genuinely pretty upset by the suggestion. He would have to be good at his job in order to be telling you this, yeah? Why even bother asking? It's an interesting bit of characterization that somewhat expands on that short temper.

More generic footage of him running about while explosions go off before coming back to the interview of him explaining a bomb in its simplest form. "One crossed wire, a wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... and kablewie!!" Seems like filler dialogue, but I always like taking note of the fact he uses the chemical compound term as opposed to something more colloquial. It's just headcanons, but I really enjoy thinking that Demo is pretty damn smart and really gifted when it comes to making bombs and general chemistry. It's a clear passion and love of his and I like touching on it when I can.

The next couple seconds are shots between him taking a good swig of his scrumpy and then blowing up a level three sentry. It's just showing off his capabilities as a class. Nothing special (other than being cool and showing he's competent at his job). The real interesting part is his breakdown where he's on the verge of tears, exasperatingly telling the camera that he's...off. He knows it. There's not too many black Scotsmen, especially ones with a busted eye. "They've got more fucking sea monsters in the great Loch Ness than they got the likes of me" he says.

But, he perks up! He talks over a clip of him baiting a group of BLU mercs into a sticky trap. The voiceover is also really fascinating here. The way Demo talks reminds me something out of an Aesop fable. It's a very curious and fascinating way of talking. I wish this bit of characterization stuck around since it's pretty fun. "Come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the ol' brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable...with an unhappy bloody end!" is really cool.

The video ends with him taunting the mangled corpses followed by a rendition of the main theme with bagpipes. I should probably also mention Drunken Pipe Bomb, his theme song. It's an upbeat and fun piece with a mixture of the typical TF2 sounds (funky jazzy drums and bass guitar) as well as a Celtic flair, what with bagpipes, whistles, etc and etc. There's also a kickass surf rock section. It's quite the battle theme and definitely reflects a lot of Demo's character as being an energetic, explosive type of character who is proud of his Scottish roots.

So that's pretty much it for SFM bits for now. How about we take a step back and look at the first-ever actual TF2 comic: WAR!, where Demo really gets a big break for his characterization. We don't care about the Saxton Hale or Jarate ones. WAR! my beloved...

But first, the actual WAR! update. It was the sixth major content update released back in 2009. Remember when this game got actual content updates? Me neither. The update was based around the rivalry between the RED Demo and the BLU Soldier to excuse why they were adding new items for the both of them, with Soldier in the end winning the little contest and getting the Gunboats.

For canon lore, the update serves to introduce the idea that the RED Demo and BLU Soldier had a comradery at first. Friends! Interesting piece of characterization to have Demo explicitly go against RED and become friends with Soldier. The two of them do bounce off of each other quite well when they're paired up, I will say. They're both heavy-hitters in terms of gameplay and their personalities are quite loud at times.

For added voicelines, there's a bunch of the Administrator denouncing their friendship as well as domination lines for both Solly and Demo whenever they kill each other. Demo pretends he hates Soldier, but asks if he's okay, tells him that he loves him, and generally is like "but we're still friends though, aye? :]" He does care a lot about their friendship, which is pretty sweet and cute. Sure hope that lasts.

In the WAR! comic, we see Demo in a mansion. He's loaded! It's also confirmation that the mercs are given quite a lot of money, but apparently not enough for Demo's mother. She's nagging him about not working and saying that he should be ashamed for being so lazy, to which he rebuttals, saying he has three jobs and has made millions annually. Apparently not enough for his mother, since Demo's father worked twenty-six jobs.

She also brings up an interesting piece of information. "No demoman worth his sulfur ever had an eye in his head past thirty!" which implies that missing an eye is a family tradition to lose your eyes when working this job. Would this also imply that Demo is not thirty by this point, since he still has the one eye? Eh, whatever. 

Demo taking care of his mom in this old, nagging state is pretty neat characterization, as well as him holding down two other jobs besides mercenary work for RED. He's very capable and talented! He's also extremely caring and sweet. Even when his mum is complaining and griping about him not living up to his father, he gets her tea and takes care of her. He does respond with a lot of "I know mum" when it comes to that. He's heard it all before. She keeps saying the same stuff. I like thinking he knows fully well he can't live up to the extreme work ethic his father had or truly impress his parents and is pretty bummed out about it, but that's just headcanons.

Anywho, Pauling's there. She's there because the Administrator wants to break up the friendship between Demo and the BLU Soldier and instead have them be pitted against each other. While Soldier needs to be tricked and insulted by Demo and told that he's a civilian (something that he hates apparently), Demo is more coerced and convinced.

He's still loyal to their friendship, but, aye, there's something different about that sword there. Here's an interesting bit of characterization: Demo being a sword guy. There's a lot of medieval stuff relating to Demo, what with DeGroot's Keep, the Eyelander, his general way of speaking at times, etc and etc. It's fun and I think he takes great interest in medieval-period stuff, but, again, headcanons.

Demo feels conflicted. How could she make him choose between his best friend and this cool ass sword?? He doesn't give an answer, but Miss Pauling further pushes him to choose violence when leaving even more stuff for him as well as telling him that Soldier said that he'll join the fight. It's then assumed that Demo agrees by that point.

It's interesting to compare and contrast Demo and Soldier. Soldier, despite hearing all of these mean things, still wants to be friends with Demo. It's until "Demo" calls him a civilian, something personal and sensitive to him, is when he decides to betray him. Demo meanwhile is more swayed by things that he loves, but the final push is that betrayal. He only acts when he's finally told that their friendship has been severed. Curious how their loyalty is strong in those ways.

...I should probably sometime mention the actual retconning of his backstory however. Hoouhhh boy let's go. So, for the 2011 Halloween update, there was a comic alongside it. This comic had some cute gags, like Heavy giving a little boy he scared seven grand. However, the main attraction is the rewritten backstory for Demo.

I mentioned earlier, but I honestly can't blame them for maybe trying another crack at a Demo backstory that isn't as bleak and miserable. I do really like the original one because I'm a sucker for angst, but this backstory does work a lot better tonally when you're just trying to write some goofy stuff, especially if it involves Merasmus at some point.

The story retcons the whole thing and seemingly makes it so that Demo has always been with his parents and the reason he lost his eye was not because of some brutal accident but rather a currrseeee ooohhhh spookyyy. He's hired by Merasmus to sweep up the place a bit, with him being exceptionally clear to young Tav to not touch any of the accursed tomes. He does, of course. Nothing too much in terms of characterization. It's more just saying "Hey Demo's eye is cursed and that's why he lost it but! hey! it comes back once every Halloween!!"

Again, I can't really knock this version of events. They're simple, but goofy and fun. It's all up to whatever you're trying to accomplish with Demo methinks. If you want silly and whimsical stories, you can have that backstory. If you want gut-wrenching angst, probably should take the initial one.

Aanndd that's virtually it for Demo being important. Demo doesn't get too much plot relevance later on. He's just kinda done with. He shows up in Expiration Date for a quick gag where he returns with a bunch of beer, shouting and cheering while being unaware of how they all just learned they're going to die in three days. He then shows up again during the bucket scene and doesn't do much other than mouthing somethin' (I can't tell you want tbh). A new thing is that he plays piano! That's fun! He then kinda watches Scout try and ask out Pauling and he yells for him to describe what she looks like, which is just what Demo currently sees her as (drunk, blurry, etc). He then fights in the big battle yada yada and shows up at the end with the beer again.

The MVM trailer I suppose is a thing to be noted. Here, he's a BLU Soldier and is playing cards with the Soldier of the same team. Seems like regardless of teams, there's some sort of bond between the two of them. All that happens is that Demo is down to bust up robots with the rest of the RED mercs. Pretty much it.

It is quite unfortunate to see Demo relegated to a role so passive in the story and comics. I've mentioned it before, but I do have an ever so slight grudge against Soldier for taking up the majority of the screentime when it comes to the comics. Yeah, he's really fun to write about, I can't blame the writers for doing so, but also like...c'mon... In the end, we're left with a good chunk of the mercs being underdeveloped in exchange for a ton of Soldier trivia. Props if you like Solly though; your fave got the best treatment.

Ah, but still! Demo has some moments in the comics! Let's go through them! 

Uh. Upon checking most of the comics before the mainline ones, it appears he does not say even a single word. Or even show up in a good portion. Well that's disappointing. I thought he at least said like...one thing. The most he does in terms of characterization is put on a crown in A Fate Worse Than Chess, and even then that's just a silly cosmetic. Damn.

It's fine though! Because now we have the mainline comics! Hot damn finally some actual casual Demoman TF2 writing! Let's get a look and see what his normal usual personality is like! I wonder what fun shenanigans he's been up to.

The first time we see Demo he's babbling about his job being replaced by robots and looking utterly dishevelled and depressed.

Okay. That's...yeah pretty in line for his character thus far. An alcoholic who is struggling with some stuff and oftentimes will have a very vocal breakdown in front of others.

The way that he's characterized here is rather fascinating though, I'll say. He's depressed. From what we can glean, this is what his life has been like since the layoffs. He's gained weight (what with Soldier's very blunt "Hello fat Demoman!"), hasn't shaved, his clothes are dirty, and beer bottles are scattered in the living room. Even the Eyelander is like "dude you need to let it go" when Demo mumbles about robots replacing jobs. He's presumably lost his two other jobs and has just been laying on this couch, drinking booze and watching TV and nothing more, despite his mum's nagging.

This is a side of Demo we don't really see. Sure, yeah, we see the hot and tempered side (ex: Meet the Demoman and the general game) as well as the sad and weepy side, but it's never to this degree. Like full on depressive episode. Yikes. Sure yeah he gets dragged back into the plot and instantly gets back to himself (albeit more orange than actually black)(I keep forgetting how whitewashed Demo was in these first few comics), but it's played for laughs and gags.

What an interesting piece of characterization, no? I've seen a fair amount of major depressive disorder, BPD, PTSD, and or bipolar headcanons slapped onto Demo and tbh I can't blame them. I'd be really interested to see some fic explore that in greater detail. I'm too busy writing Engiemedic yaoi to do anything for now though. Womp womp.

The ending bit of the comic has Demo and Pauling mainly chat with each other. Oh yeah!! Demo and Pauling! They've got a couple pretty neat lines. For the usual contract it's just jokes about his alcoholism, his eye, and a couple about his mom and just general gags. In the Tough Break update, she's out drinking with Demo and nearly spills the beans about her job. Fun. I really like the Miss Pauling characterization where she regularly hangs out with the mercs. It's cute.

In the comics, she talks to Demo more like an actual equal than, say, Pyro or Soldier. She talks to them like they're children roughhousing in the backseat. Demo sits up front and the two go back and forth. Demo is the more mature and reasonable one here. Another thing that's a common bit of characterization in the comics is that Demo isn't...drunk. He's not slurring nor acting in a way that makes it immediately clear he's inebriated. He's pretty lucid. This can be from the fact that he's a very high-functioning alcoholic, but it also makes him out to be actually pretty all-there for most of the time. I've seen far too many fics where Demo is in a perpetual state of shitface drunk so that was a nice refresher.

Demo reappears in the second comic, where we get some pretty neat characterization. He's out on the town in disguise. I keep forgetting about that "What do you see?" "Not a damn thing. Let's switch places" gag that's so funny. Whatever. He is the voice of reason when it comes to Soldier. The straight-man character. He's not really...drunk here. He's not slurring his words nor is he exactly doing anything. He steps in front when Soldier starts yelling at an elderly woman, instead approaching her with a calm and kind demeanour. He holds Soldier back when he goes to strangle Scout for. I guess just being there.

So there's Demo when he's just doing stuff normally, I suppose. He's generally pretty level-headed, albeit because he's up there with Soldier. He's the Normal One when posed next to a guy like Solly. A little disappointing, but there's probably more in comic 4.

Ah the Swordvan comic. Demo and Pauling head over to Sniper's house to retrieve him. An odd bit of characterization is that Demo just takes one look at Snipes' house and goes "Welp, nobody's here. Let's get out". He doesn't seem terribly thrilled to be here, further backed up by him saying that there's just gonna be fingernails and jars of piss and he straight up says "good riddance" like what is his issue with the bushman??

Now that's kinda interesting. Demo sees Snipes as being kinda just gross and a raving lunatic. He could easily be in-place for the audience and just saying what we're thinking, but I think it's interesting to see that Demo, the guy often portrayed as being the weirdo party guy, being very straight-forward. He think Sniper is some sadistic madman and just wants out. Unfortunately, he's given a neckfull of Sniper's homemade family moonshine, so he can't get out quite yet.

A very common thing in these comics it seems is Demo being the voice of reason, which is pretty interesting. The straight man to everyone. When he wakes up to Pauling spitting on him to wake him up, he goes "eughhh gross, but, hey, it worked!!" before then is knocked out. He then stays quiet for the rest of the scene, unless of course you're counting the deleted pages. There's no dialogue, but Demo breaks free from the ropes binding him, yells at Sniper, then pushes past before then inserting three syringes-worth of the moonshine into himself and passing out. Alcoholism joke as per usual. Shockingly the first one we've gotten so far.

In the submarine ride down, Demo's passed out with his scrumpy in hand. Again just a gag about him drinking a lot. He then kinda stays in the background for the rest of the comic, only appearing really once to hold a vat of liquor, before then coming to in the final shot where he holds Sniper's dead body. Heyyyy Demo I thought you thought Sniper was a weirdo freak.

Nothing too much to say from this comic then. It's just establishing more and more that Demo plays a very...straight-man character role when it comes to the comics at least. He's reasonable, level-headed, and often just says whatever comes to mind. He's kind and will instantly rush to someone's aid when they're hurt as well as just generally being pretty good-hearted. Nice!

Comic 5 mainly just features a gag with Demo's liver being so overworked that he starts turning his other organs into alcohol distilleries. The whimsy. The line that I find most fascinating from this comic is from Spy.

Like oh okay so he straight up doesn't eat anything other than alcohol and aspirin. Water literally poisons him. Probably just a throwaway gag, but geez. It does say that he is kinda in pain all the time, at least to the point where aspirin is one of the few things his body can handle. Someone out there can probably work with that and make it angsty. Other than that, not much else for Demo.

Comic 6! The final one! Home stretch here folks before I can wrap this up and give a thesis on whatever the heck Demo's character is. Demo, again, is mainly just here for gags. It's the one thing I do really wish that the comics did more: explore Demo's backstory. Like you don't even need to keep the original one, but it's still fascinating to bring up the fact he has a family lineage at all. Instead, he's mainly just a straight-man character. But, hey, whatever. I'm just the one analyzing these silly comics and jokey joke characters for gay melodramatic yaoi fanfiction.

There's a gag about Demo's liver coming back to him after leaving. These soap opera drama scene could parallel the type of shows that he was watching when having that depressive episode, but that's maybe a bit of a stretch. He then gets included in that fun group shot, where his pose mimics that from the Meet the Demo, before then gets a one-on-one scene with Medic. 

These two are such a fun duo I wish Jaggerbombs was a more common pairing. Ah well. Medic catches Demo up on everything whilst he's stitching up wounds. The medi-gun is broken so they're doing this the old-fashioned way. Demo has a gag where he's still drinking, only that it's hydrogen peroxide instead. This then leads to a scene where Demo asks why Medic never gave him an eye. Reasonable methinks. Medic responds saying he did.

Demo gets upset. He raises his voice for the first (official) time in the comics. Again, his temperament. I think it's a reasonable thing to be upset about tbh. Like imagine being told after all this time you could've had your eye back. He then learns that, no, the procedure has been done before, but rather that it never sticks because of how his eye socket is cursed. Demo asks how he can't remember this, to which Medic goes "Hooh :] It's because I scooped out a part of your brain" because of course he did. He then forgets the entire conversation + probably Medic entirely.

Aaannnddd that's pretty much it for Demo. That's his last speaking role. Just a quick, simple gag about his eye being cursed, his alcoholism, and generally being the straight-man for others, even if he does have a couple silly gags too. Seems like a culmination of everything he is in the comics.

To conclude: Demo is a character I feel can take on two main roles depending on what kind of tone you're going for. If you want angst, you've got a character who carries the guilt of murdering his foster parents as well as the burden of being a DeGroot, turning to alcohol to cope with his sadness and general inability to deal with it all. If you want silly goofy stuff, you have Demo being a straight-man or a neat party guy if you like the bit from Expiration Date where he brings back beer and such. Of course there's nuance. I find it best to try and find a balance between these two opposing sides. It just takes time and practice to really get a hold of his personality methinks.

I do wish he was more in the comics though as his own person, y'know? He's very reliant on others in order for his character to function, whilst most others have scenes where it's just them doing something. I wish he was used more than being the guy who drags the others back to reality. Damn it sucks to see that the fics where he's mainly just the straight-man are kinda right in that regard.

But for character traits? Hm, let's see. I find it's just trying to make sense of what's given to you and seeing what best fits for the tone of story you're trying to go for. However, for me trying to write him? Well...

His alcoholism is a central character trait. He is definitely 100% an alcoholic, regardless of however people try and sand him down. I personally really like sticking to the idea that he straight up can't eat anything but booze and aspirin because I think it's funny but also sad, but that's me. I think him having a flask of scrumpy on his person at all times is a neat headcanon as well.

Another big trait with Demo is his frequently shifting mood when drunk. He can swing from loud to weeping in a couple moments. I wouldn't say he's particularly angry nor aggressive, no more than any other character at least. He's most volatile on the battlefield, but otherwise at the base I feel it wouldn't be an uncommon sight to see Demo partying until dawn or holed up in the living room and sobbing. Poor guy.

In spite of what many think, Demo is certainly not lazy. He's a workaholic is anything. He holds down three jobs and rakes in a lot of money in order to live up to his name as a DeGroot. It could be because he likes working that much or that his mother just nags him to push himself that far. That also ties into his self-deprecation, another core trait of his, but that's pretty obvious to see.

His heart is another big trait. The guy loves. He cares for his mother even when she nags at him. He sticks by Soldier's side until he feels as though he's been betrayed. He takes care of the Eyelander and treats it like a pal. He generally cares a whole heck of a lot about people and other things. He wears his heart on his sleeve and says what he means. He doesn't feel a need to really hide who he is as a person. He's loud, fun, and just naturally pretty sweet and kind. I don't think he's ever really "mean" outside of the game stuff. There's also the whole "being hired to explode people" part but ehhh that's just the silliness in him :]

Demo also being generally pretty...normalish. He's a guy who's really just going through it when you take the angst option. He oftentimes will try and hold back others from doing something stupid when sober. I feel like when he's drunk he's more willing to get in on dumb shit, but still. However, this doesn't mean he's wholly a normal person. I think you can do a lot of headcanons here where you bring out some traits that are otherwise not talked about too much.

There are a lot of liberties to be taken with Demo's character as per usual. A ton of writing a character to be, well, in-character is just getting down their voice and mannerisms. Understanding their personality and motives is just half the battle. Demo sometimes speaks like an old-timey medieval knight or poet or whatever. He's generally pretty well-spoken and whatever. For the love of god if you want to write him, you don't need to include phonetics constantly. Please. It's so much better that tu'try toh spell everay whurd like tis. Oftentimes people will just know what the character sounds like regardless. Just try and mimic his way of speaking more and you'll do wonders for actually making that character sound like, well, that character.

I've neglected to mention Demo being a black man a lot because, well, it never really pops up a lot in canon. I think the most recognition we get for Demo being black is him just saying that he's black. He's a black Scotsman and that's about it. It's curious since I've seen a number of fics where it's all period-typical racism angst and whatever, with Demo being used as a way for the author to get up and proudly say that they think that racism is bad by having Demo being called a slur and getting upset. How progressive. 

I dunno. I never really personally touch on period-typical bigotry stuff myself due to the fact that this is Team Fortress 2. Rocket jumping was invented before stairs. Besides, this is the late 60s/early 70s. The civil rights movement happened by this point. Not everyone walking the streets is gonna be some abrasive bigot. I don't know why people want to try and make it "historically accurate" to begin with since this series has never been period-accurate to begin with. I don't particularly think TF2 is a great series to go on about tackling period-typical bigotry either. Literally if you want Demo angst you've got the actual mountain load of angst with his backstory right there. Obviously of course people are allowed to write what they want and I do fully believe that sharing stories and portraying bigotry is important, but why with TF2??? Do people just really look at a POC and think their existence is inherently political and they need to make it clear they think Racism Bad, even though the tone of canon really doesn't match that?? Ah well. I'm just rambling.

Regardless, Demo is just a character where you can take a lot of different avenues with. Maybe you can explore his trauma and try and write about how he feels trying to live up to his family name. What about his issues with his now-deceased father? Maybe you can forgo that and have him be a partner in crime to Solly or whomever else, with the occasional glimpse into his more sensitive self. Really, it all just depends on the story you're trying to tell. Ultimately, writing Demo with a healthy mix of comedy and angst is probably what is best done if you just want a pretty in-character version. He can be out on some grand adventure to take down Nessie with a merc or two AND have it be a story about him coming to terms with his past. That's just a me thing though lol.

Demo, like the rest of the cast, is an easily moldable piece of clay. All of the mercs at their very core are just funny character archetypes. They can be whatever you want them to be. It's just best to work with their original characterization and personality in mind, y'know? Fanfic writing is mainly about having fun anyway.

Speaking of which, enough procrastinating for me. I need to get back to writing my yaoi...

[sidekick-hero]

Dear Future Self

(steddie | 14.5k | explicit | tags: Time Travel, threesome (two Eddies and Steve), self-cest, pwp, double penetration, smut and fluff, POV switches | AO3)

Special Shoutout to @legitcookie with whom I started writing this AGES ago but never managed get very far. I still remember us having so much fun with this idea. I hope you like where I took it 💜

This whole fic is inspired by one of my favorite artists: https://twitter.com/ShinyDirtyCoin/status/1642688399348727808

Summary:

After the events of March '86, Eddie pines for his new friend, the former king of Hawkins High. Too scared to make a move, he has resigned himself to a life as Steve's friend and nothing more. That is, until one hot summer day, a naked guy appears out of nowhere in Steve's bedroom. The naked guy is him from the future, and he says he's here to help Eddie pull his head out of his ass. It turns out that he and Steve are a happy couple in the future. And as if that wasn't enough, he also offers to teach Eddie how to properly fulfill Stevie's needs. Sexy shenanigans ensue.

Spicy snippet under the cut

Then he looks back at Future Eddie. "Okay, then tell us, what is something that you and your Steve have always wanted to try but haven't yet?"

It's clearly the right question, because Future Eddie's eyes go wide, the warm chocolate brown darkening with desire.

"Oh, Stevie. You keep surprising me. You really wanna know?" That last part is clearly directed at Eddie, who's been suspiciously quiet.

Eddie shifts behind him and Steve gasps in surprise as he feels his hard length against the small of his back. He had no idea how turned on Eddie was just by talking about it.

"Yeah." It's just a word, said softly, but Steve can hear the desire in Eddie's rough voice and it makes him shiver with anticipation.

"Good." With that, Future Eddie turns to rummage through Steve's nightstand. The blanket slips from his form, revealing miles of lean muscle and scared, tattooed skin to Steve's hungry gaze.

When Future Eddie turns back to them, he's holding Steve's pink dildo.

"One of the best things that ever happened was when I came home early one day when we first started dating and I found you in my room using this on yourself."

"Oh my God," Eddie and Steve say again in unison. Steve hides his face in his hands, white-hot embarrassment flooding his body. Eddie, on the other hand, wraps himself around him even tighter, his breath hot against Steve's ear.

"Don't. This is the hottest thing I've ever heard. Please, promise to let me watch you someday. Please, Stevie, sweetheart."

Eddie sounds almost desperate for it and it helps a lot to make Steve less embarrassed.

It's Future Eddie who pulls his hands away from his face. "He's right. To this day, I get hard just thinking about it. You're always gorgeous, baby, but watching you give yourself over to your own pleasure is the closest thing to heaven I'll ever get."

"But that's not what I was getting at. After I saw you with your little toy and assured you how fucking hot it was, we decided to play with it together from time to time. Using it on each other, sometimes with our tongues or fingers joining the party. God, Stevie, the first time I added a finger to the dildo in your ass, you went crazy. You came all over yourself with nothing on your cock. Had me almost following you just because it was so hot to watch."

Steve wants to be embarrassed again, feels the blush deepen in his cheeks. But the way Eddie's grinding against his back, his breath coming in the form of quickening pants, the hot breath puffing against his sweaty neck, it's easy to push the feeling down. It helps that he's already hard and aching, and part of him wishes Eddie would stop grinding against his back and just push into him. If he were a girl he would be wet and dripping, ready for Eddie's length to fill him. Ready for Eddie to take him, to use him, to make Steve his.

Future Eddie looks at him, looks at both of them, as if he can read every filthy thought going through their minds. And he probably can. After all, he knows them. He knows them better than they know themselves in that respect.

Future Eddie leans in, his voice dropping to a husky whisper. "One of the hottest things we ever tried? It was the first time we used that pink dildo while I was fucking you. I had you on your hands and knees, both of us a sweaty mess, and I pushed it in while I kissed down your spine. Had you stretched out with my fingers, three of them inside you next to my cock. You were so fucking full baby, rim stretched so wide to make room for me. And the way you moaned my name, Stevie... I've never heard anything like it."

Steve can feel Eddie's breath hitching behind him, the heat from his body almost unbearable. He knows Eddie is picturing it, just like he is, and the thought makes his pulse quicken. Future Eddie's words hang in the air, a tantalizing promise of what's to come.

"We talked about this later. How much you loved being so full, stretched almost to the limit. You said the only thing missing was the feeling of having two real cocks inside you. The fake feeling of the dildo replaced by the real deal. Hot, pulsating flesh. Two loads dripping out of you."

Someone moans brokenly and he's not sure if it's him or Eddie.

"But you may have noticed," Future Eddie gives his past self an amused look, "but I'm not good at sharing. Especially not you. So inviting a stranger was always out of the question."

His gaze becomes pointed, eyes roaming over their tangled bodies, and Steve feels another shiver run through his body. He thinks he knows what’s coming.

"So," Eddie surprisingly fills the ensuing silence, his mouth pressed to Steve's ear. "You want us both to fill you up? Is that it? Two dicks stuffing your hole?"

READ THE WHOLE THING ON AO3

[nekoannie-chan]

Getting to know each other again

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Reader.

Word count: 400 words.

Rating: Teen.

Summary: All Steve wants is to get you back.

Major Tags: Fluff, angst, mention of amnesia.

Additional tags: This is my gift to @sinceimetyou. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GABY!

You can read it on Wattpad and Ao3 too.

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission for my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

My other media where I publish:  Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. 

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @navybrat817 @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @Smokeandnailz @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid @leyannrae @Harrysthiccthighss @Marvelatthisone @caplanbuckybarnes @sapphire-rogers @lizzieolseniskinda @notyourtypicalrose @hallecarey1 @nana1000night @talia-rumlow @writingshae @alexxavicry @azulatodoryuga @daemonslittlebitch @chaoticcollectivenightmare @endlesstwanted @chemtrails-club  @marigoldreamer @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @Here4thefanfics @theestorm @patzammit @kmc1989 @somegirlfromasgard @rogersbarber

Steve woke up agitated again. Again, he had that nightmare about the day you disappeared and how your body vanished between his fingers. If they had left him, he would have finished off Thanos himself with his own hands.

He had searched through many books, through your things, everywhere. He needed a solution, a way he could bring you back.

The emptiness of being without you was enormous, and nothing could fill it. He tried to occupy his mind with different activities, but one way or another, everything always came back to you.

Several times he thought that there must be some way to go back in time, and he didn't even care if he had to start all over again; he was able to do whatever it took to bring you back.

He ran as fast as he could when he saw they were coming back. He didn't want you to be alone; it would probably be too confusing. He didn't have much time to think about how he was going to explain to you what had happened.

He stopped when he was close; he took a breath; he needed to calm down first; you couldn't see him so upset either; although it was obvious that he couldn't hide what had happened, he couldn't wipe the passage of time from his face.

“Y/N," Steve said carefully.

You looked at him confused; you didn't know what had happened.

“What happened? What am I doing here? “you questioned, looking around you. Steve was about to answer you when you interrupted him. “Who are you?"

Now Steve was the one who was confused, but then he remembered that maybe there was a slight possibility that you had suffered a blow to the head just before you disappeared; in fact, you were unconscious when he hugged you before you vanished.

He bit his lip, trying to contain all the feelings that were welling up inside him. He managed to convince you to go with him.

"Y/N has amnesia." Those words kept echoing in Steve's head, but he wasn't going to give up hope, not this time; somehow he was going to make you regain your memory, and if not, then he was going to make you get to know each other again, like in the beginning, until you fell in love with him again.

He wasn't going to lose you again.

[jakkon-and-rose-topic]

Cw: Wholesome! (Slightly suggestive bit at the end, but it's not bad)

Happy Father's day everybody!

“So how have you been, Evie?” Rose leaned against the table as Jakkon put a red block beside the other one, stacking them on top of one another as Rune watched in awe.

“I'm alright. Things have been pretty quick lately.” Eveny shrugged, watching her husband and son as Jakkon set the last block in place and pretend to turn his back, at which point Rune pushed the tower over. The Satyr faked shock and horror as he picked up  the pieces of his tower, and Rune broke down giggling.

“You little trouble-maker!” Jakkon scooped his son into his arms and ruffled his hair, both of them laughing as Eveny smiled.

“You look like you need a bit of a break.” 

“It would be nice, but we've got to take care of Rune and our jobs.” The Fae shrugged.

“Hm.” Rose frowned as Rune scrambled free of his father's arms and picked up two blocks.

“My turn!”

“Okay, what do you want to make?”

“I wanna make a big castle!” Rune started stacking the blocks as Jakkon watched him carefully.

“How about you, Horns? How's the speech writing going?” Rose smirked.

“Ugh, don't even start, Petals. Eynalis has me presenting to half the kingdom tomorrow.” He sighed. “I only just finished the speech, so I might as well improvise. He didn’t even give me a day to edit the thing.”

“Ouch. Are you sure you want to work for this guy?”

The Satyr huffed in annoyance. “Like I’ve got a choice.”

“Where do I put the triangle?” Rune held up the little wooden block.

“How about right there?” Eveny pointed to a spot on the tower.

“Thanks Mama!” The little Fae grinned, fluttering his tiny wings.

“You’re welcome!” Eveny grinned at her son. “Can I steal Papa for a moment?”

“Yeah!” Rune grinned.

Jakkon stood at her words and followed his wife to the door as Rune knocked over his tower and started building it back up again. “What is it, Evie? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine Jak, I wanted to check in on you. You’ve been busy lately and I’m worried about you.”

“I'll be alright. I'm sorry I haven't been home as much. I wish I could spend more time with you.”

“Every second you're here makes up for an hour, you're not, Jak. I love you.” Eveny leaned into him.

“I love you more.”

“No you don't!”

“Yes I do, and do you know how I'm going to prove it?” He smirked smugly at her.

The Fae raised an eyebrow at him. “How?”

“This.” He pulled her into a kiss, and the two stood in one another's arms for a moment. 

Rose watched them for a moment as Rune started putting the blocks back into their box. “Hey Runie, do you want to come to my house for a bit?”

Rune looked up, eyes sparkling with excitement. “Really? Yes, please!”

“Okay, well I'll go ask your Mama and Papa while you finish putting those blocks away, okay?”

“Okay!” Rune waved as Rose stood.

“Hey, Love birds.”

“Huh?” Eveny jumped, and they both turned.

“You two could use a break. I’m going to take Rune to spend the night with me if you two want to… let’s say prepare for tomorrow.” She shrugged. “Have a nice dinner, spend some time alone together. You look like you need it.”

“Okay but can you-”

“Yeah, Horns. I’ve taken care of your son before. Now we’re going to get some stuff and take off. Enjoy your night!”

“Well… Uh… that was a surprise.”

Eveny returned her gaze to Jakkon, her flowers turning pink as a few small patches of grapes sprouted from her Petals. “But a welcome one. Now I have you all to myself!”

Jakkon’s face flushed bright red, and he just kissed her again instead of trying to speak.

PLS COMMENT LOVELIES (I love reading them!)

Edit: @wyked-ao3 & @urnumber1star bc I haven't tagged you two in a lot of stuff

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 1

• Gen Tags. Found family, Daddy issues, Hurt and comfort, Gore.

• Summary. Harley D. Dixon is a tough yet sweet little girl who until the dead started eating the living, thought she had seen it all. Alongside a mismatched group of survivors in rural Georgia, Harley and her Dad are forced to leave their small life behind and learn how to survive all over again through the horrors of the apocalypse.

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

❤️Cross-Posted from Ao3.

Author's Note. Here we gooo! Argh, I'm so excited.

I've been wanting to write something like this for a long, long time. I've read just about every 'Daryl has a daughter' story out there, and now I've finally got my own to share. I just love Daryl, and Daryl with a kid is a whole other thing. We all know he wouldn't be the perfect parent, so you bet I'm gonna play right into that. He's gonna swear, he's gonna be strict, and he's gonna mess up. As for Harley (Yes, as in the motorcycle brand), I love her too. So ready to write her.

This story will cover the general plot of the show. To keep things fresh, I've made sure that almost every canon scene has undergone at least one small change. Plus, of course, many new scenes. Occasionally, I'll make bigger changes just to keep you on your feet! Nobody's safe! I'm also gonna be expanding on all the characters. And lastly — FOUND FAMILY! Piles and piles and piles of found family, eventually. I live for found family.

Please enjoy reading! :)

My Uncle Merle died today.

I'm sitting in a crinkly green camping chair, watching embers die.

I don't wanna think about my Uncle right now, so I think about something else.

The fire was built last night by Glenn and Morales. Then Lori came along this morning very quietly and made it alive again with logs and wads of notebook paper. Thinking about facts is easy. It's like sucking on a plain candy that tastes like nothing. There's a navy-blue blanket across my lap with three holes in it, perfect for nibbling, poking, and ripping. Dale gave it to me when the cold settled in this afternoon. He told me he reckons it's around June, as he covered my shoulders, which used to be his niece's birthday.

He says she looked a little like me. That means she's dead. So many people are dead, now.

A thin log in the campfire cracks and tumbles over after trying to stay upright all morning. I hope I don't look like that log.

I can hear Officer Rick approaching. My stomach becomes a stone.

I can tell it's Rick because he's got one of them power walks that you can hear coming from a mile away, which I think makes him pretty stupid. He's loud, and loud is dangerous, and dangerous is stupid. My Dad's not like that. Unless he's angry or running, ain't nobody hearing my Dad coming; especially not no squirrels.

He's almost as big as my Grandpappy Dixon, who people used to say was as big as a house, and he wears super heavy boots from a hunting store near our house — but he's still not loud, or dangerous, or stupid. Not like Officer Rick.

"Hey, Harley."

I think I hate Officer Rick. I think I hate everyone.

And I think I might be crying now, too. I focus on twirling the blanket strings around my finger so I have something very simple to think about, which is that it hurts real bad when I twist it tight. I see Rick crouch down in front of me. He takes a while to say anything else, and it's prolly 'cause he's tryna be real careful, so he don't make me cry even more.

If my Dad weren't out hunting, he'd prolly slap Rick and everybody else that's tried badgering me today dead for tryna do his job for him. I feel like, just by sitting here, I'm disobeying him. Rick ain't my Daddy.

"We, uh..." He clears his throat. "Me and Lori, and some other folks are uh... Well, we're all a little worried about you, honey, okay?"

I imagine a small group of folks gathered by the RV right now, watching me and Rick; wondering if he's gonna be the one to get through to me.

I'm worried for when my Daddy comes back. When he finds out about Uncle Merle, he's gonna be fuming. He's gonna be like one of them cartoon characters with the bright red faces and the smoke comin' outta their ears, stomping all around, and he's prolly gonna kill somebody. It's prolly gonna be Rick. He always told me cops are bastard liars, and that they can't help us.

I look up at Rick. Yep, I've been crying.

Rick's all blurry, but I can still make out his ugly Sheriff's badge and his scary blue eyes and his frowning eyebrows that look like clenched fists, and I can tell he's been waiting to be the one to talk to me. I bet he thinks it makes him better than everyone else; better than my Uncle Merle, who he left to die just 'cause he ain't like him. I wanna kick Rick right in the face. I think he knows this, but he doesn't move.

"First off, I wanna say that I'm sorry about what happened to your Uncle Merle." Rick says all nice and gentle.

Nothin' happened to him.

It weren't no freak accident, which is what Uncle Merle used to say happened to my Momma.

Rick killed him.

"I know he meant a lot to you. And I'm sorry. If I had'a known he had a niece to come back to, maybe I woulda been a little wiser with my decision makin'. But Harley," He tilts his head and puts a hand on my knee for this part. "You gotta know, like I know, that your Uncle was a danger to us all."

There's a little angry parasite inside of me. It's been growing and growing ever since the group came back from Atlanta, and I couldn't find my Uncle Merle in the crowd. I've never noticed my Uncle Merle so much than when I realised he wasn't there. It was like there was the wrong amount of space left in the air and Rick was taking up the too much of it. Ever since the cars showed up, everything has been wrong, wrong, wrong.

Ever since Rick showed up.

"If I hadn't stepped in when and how I did," Rick says, "Your Uncle wouldda gotten us all in a lotta trouble."

Another log crumbles in the campfire. My finger aches and pulses around the string.

That hungry little parasite — hungry for Rick to hurt like I'm hurting, needing it more than anything — makes me tell him, "I wish he did." And again, because it feels good. Rick becomes even more blurry, as my voice makes an embarrassing hicking noise. "I wish you died."

I expect to be hit. That's what happens sometimes, when little girls don't know their place.

Tellin' adults I want them dead — That ain't my place. And I know it. I just don't care.

My Uncle Merle wasn't a danger, he was just Uncle Merle; Has been since I could talk. He used to feed me bits of his sandwich out on the deck back at home, like the tomato, 'cause he ain't like the taste. He used to fix my bike when it was broken. He used to make sure I was the first one to open presents at Christmas, and help me wrestle the wrapping when there was too much tape. He used to pull my wobbly baby teeth out for me and let me outside without shoes. He wasn't mean, or bad, or loud, or dangerous, or stupid; at least not always. He wasn't the one that got my Momma killed. He was good. And now he'd dead.

If someone had to die, I wish it had'a been Rick — Stupid, noisy, idiot Rick who ain't shed one single tear after what he done to my Uncle Merle.

I wanna get hit. I want him to hit me so bad that I'm allowed to hit him back.

"Okay." Rick says, and I can't breathe.

I feel like everything goes silent throughout camp, like the chairs and the cars and the people are all holding their breaths like I am. He actually looks a little sad, which feels really, really bad, because I wanna be angry.

"Okay. That's okay."

But as I think about my Uncle Merle, and the tomatoes, and my old bike, and what Christmas used to feel like, and my Daddy, and how he ain't even know about Merle yet, I realise I'm just really, really sad.

I can't even see Rick anymore, my eyes are so watery. My whole body hurts from being sad. I feel like I'm sick and I need to go to the doctor, but I don't even know what for. There aren't even any doctors here. Just two bastard liar cops, some campers, and a space where my Uncle Merle should be.

I think, after a while, Rick leaves.

My Dad still keeps his wallet.

It's in a backpack under his sleeping cot. He says that everything inside that bag will keep us alive some day, if we ever need to leave the quarry camp. He said I need to know exactly where it is so that I can grab it if he can't. He showed me everything the night we got here, because he forced me to, because it's important. The other kids don't learn stuff like this from their parents. It makes me feel smart. I'm in on a secret. He showed me the bug spray, which keeps our skin healthy from bug diseases, and he showed me the flashlight, which has two batteries and a big black button. He showed me the compass, the box of matches, the big knife, the little knife, the rope, and the map. It's like a Jenga tower. If we lose even one thing from the backpack; everything topples, and we die — I die. You gotta listen t'me, chicken. My Daddy's always been like this.

But the wallet made no sense.

We don't gotta pay taxes no more, like Merle said. I don't know what taxes are, except they're bad, and gone, and nobody liked them anyway. And I saw my Dad burn all his money in a campfire one night, so it can't be that.

It's the pictures, Dad told me. He flipped it open like a book, and we looked at 'em together on top of his sleeping bag. I felt like crying for a second because we forgot all my storybooks when we left our house, but Daddy hates it when I cry, so I dried up. Crying is for babies, and I'm a big girl. He showed me a photo of an actual baby, and after he touched the baby's face with his fingertip, he said the baby was me. I didn't think I could look like that. He stopped talking for a while. I listened to the cicadas in the trees to pass the time while he touched the photo. Then it was bedtime.

I'm looking at the photo now, waiting for him to get back.

I was a very pink baby. I was only the size of his forearm, which in the photo, hasn't been tattooed yet. The tattoo of my name is missing, which goes up his wrist in curly letters. Harley Davidson Dixon. It's the name of a motorcycle. The tattoo of the skull and the bleeding angel are missing, too. He's fixing my baby blanket around my chin. I guess he's been doing that since the day I was born. Every night, at least up until last week, my Dad tucks me into bed and sings me the same song. Hush little baby, don't say a word. Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird. I like his voice when he sings to me. Usually, he's yelling, or grumblin', but in those twenty seconds before I have to go to sleep, and nobody else is listening, he's softly whispering the lyrics to me, and touching on my ears and my cheeks. In the photo, he's crying down into his smiling mouth. That's something he doesn't do anymore.

The next photo is of us at the zoo. I know it was taken on one of the weekends I was at my Dad's house, because my Momma's not in this one. Just my Dad and two of his friends, I think, who are throwing rock star hands in the air. I'm wearing a black shirt with a videogame character on it that my Dad likes, and brown pants. I'm sitting on my Dad's hip as we pose in front of three giant elephants. My Dad's got a tiny purple backpack over his shoulder that makes him look sorta funny. It used to be mine. I'm looking at the elephant's long, silly-straw trunk as it tries to sniff us, but my Daddy's lookin' at me. I wish I remembered this day.

The third photo is a school photo with a swirly blue background. I remember this one. My Momma did my hair that day.

I know why he keeps his wallet, now. Just like how we need the bug spray, and the matches, and the rope, and the knives, and the map, and the flashlight to stay alive — I think my Dad needs these photos. They won't keep him warm or stop bugs from chewing on him, but he needs them.

I shove the wallet back where I found it, 'cause I'm not meant to be goin' through my Dad's things.

My Dad comes back while I'm vomiting under a tree.

At first, he doesn't see me. He calls for me to come get my little butt over there, so I can help him and Uncle Merle stew up some rabbits for dinner but when he hears me retch, he comes running over. I hear his crossbow drop and some more people call after him.

One minute, Lori and Amy are holding back my hair and patting my shoulders the best they can, and the next, my Daddy's forcing his way in. I'm rocking and I'm swaying like I'm on a life raft in the ocean, and I can hear Rick's voice and then Shane's and then Dale's. My Dad grabs the back of my neck and squeezes it, the way Lori and Amy would never know how to do, and tells me to lean forward some more. It works. I vomit up a chunky puddle of peaches and jerky into the dirt.

Then, I'm empty, and I'm crying — crying hard — into my Dad's lap.

"Someone wanna tell me what the Hell's goin' on here?" He snarls at whoever's around.

Feels like half the camp is here.

"How 'bout we all just try—" Shane's suggesting, but my Dad cuts him off.

"How 'bout ya'll just spit it out? And where the Hell's my brother?"

That makes me bury deeper into my Dad's legs, moaning and hiccupping. He puts a hand over my head. He's clocked the problem.

"Where the Hell's my damn brother?"

"Look, Daryl," Shane levels, "I'm just gonna come out and say it, alright? There was a problem in Atlanta."

My Dad's panting, now. "What fuckin' 'problem'?"

"Listen—"

"He dead?" Underneath me, my Dad's muscles are lurching and stopping, lurching and stopping, like he wants so much to just jump up and knock Shane to the ground, but he won't bring himself to leave me. The camp has gone completely silent.

Shane stammers. I've never heard Shane stammer. "We're— We're not sure."

The silence just keeps on goin' and goin' and goin', and somehow, it's even scarier than the yelling.

"There's no easy way to say this," Rick says, voice lowered. I wonder what my Dad looks like; if I was right about the cartoon thing.

Dad presses my head further into his stomach. "Who're you?"

"Rick Grimes."

"'Rick Grimes'." He spits, like it's an insult. It is. Bastard cop liar. "You got sum' you wanna tell me?"

"Your brother was a danger to us all." Lies Rick. "So I handcuffed him on a roof; Hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there."

After he says this, something in the air must have changed; something must have snapped without even makin' a sound, because Lori's whispering to me that I should follow her back to camp, like we're running out of time. She tries to pull me away, but I kick her; kick her hard, in the shin. She tries again. I realise she's trying to separate me from my Dad. Then, I realise he's sorta shaking. Lurching, stopping, lurching stopping. Silence, silence.

"Lemme get this straight." Dad whispers, and it's not the nice kind, like when he sings. "You're tellin' me that you handcuffed my brother to a roof."

Glenn's pulling at me now, too. Nobody else moves a muscle.

"And you left him there?!"

This time, he lurches and he doesn't stop. Glenn catches me as I'm flung from my Daddy's hip, and he passes me off to Lori as Dad goes lunging at Rick. The brown pebbles go flying up into the air. My Dad tackles Rick at the waist, and they crash into the leaves and the twigs, and his fist — The one with my birth date tattooed on each knuckle — goes smack, smack, smack, into Rick's cheek. There's yelling; scrambling. Glenn and Shane pull my Dad off of Rick, and that smacking sound stops. Dad beats Shane offa him and then, — 

"Watch the knife!" T-Dog yells. Now there's a swishing sound, and grunting sounds, and I was right — My Daddy's gonna kill Rick.

My Daddy's killed someone before. He did it on accident, 'cause he got so angry that he didn't stop until the guy was dead and gone, which means that it was aggravated manslaughter. It was in the afternoon, just like it is right now, and I was playin' in the front yard in the sprinklers. My Dad and Uncle Merle were in the open garage, smoking and poking at their bikes with tools. Ronnie lived two trailers down. I was small, and easy to pick up, so I don't remember much, but Ronnie snatched me up right there in the yard. My Daddy says he was gon' take me. But he didn't let him. Ronnie got chased into the woods, and for two days, my Daddy and Uncle Merle searched for him. Then they beat him so bad his Momma ain't recognise him when the ambulance people dragged him out in a big black bag, and the cops took my Daddy away while the sun rose. I wasn't allowed to see him for four and a half years.

I need my Dad. Suddenly, I'm shrieking at him to stop, even though I want Rick dead so bad. By now, Shane's got my Dad in a chokehold up against a tree. Are he and Rick allowed to take my Daddy away? Lori and — I think that's Amy — are shushin' me, but I just keep hittin' on them and shouting.

I writhe in the dirt. "Stop! Daddy!"

"Damn pigs!" Dad growls. "You're stressin' out my kid, now! Lemme the Hell go!"

Shane laughs. "Nah, I think it's better if I don't." Then he turns to Lori, because what my Dad said is true. "Get Harley out of here."

I don't let her move me when she tries.

Dad struggles. "Chokehold's illegal, bastard!"

"You can file a complaint later." Shane scoffs. "We got all day here."

Rick steals my Dad's knife off the ground and gets in his face. His cheek is all red and purple. The fight's over. "What I did was not on a whim," He tells my Dad straight. "Your brother does not work and play well with others. I did what had to be done in the moment, to keep us all alive."

He's lyin'. He's lyin' again. My Uncle Merle chopped these people's firewood and brought them meat. He worked well.

My Dad shoots out a foot to try hit Rick in the crotch. He misses. Shane pushes his face harder into the tree.

"It's not Rick's fault." T-Dog holds up his hands, coming close. "It's mine. I had the key. I dropped it."

"You couldn't pick it up?" Dad sasses.

"It fell in a drain." T-Dog serves up this answer like it means anything at all. I hate him.

"If that's 'posed to make me feel better, it don't." 

"Well, maybe this will." T-Dog's lookin' at me, now, too. "The door to the roof — I locked it with a padlock so the geeks couldn't get to him. There's a good chance he's still alive."

I heard this all before, when all them people kept coming up to me at the campfire. Lori told me to get some food in my stomach; the peaches and jerky. Shane tried to make me go play with Carl. T-Dog said sorry over and over again. Dale gave me the blanket. Rick made me cry. I know how this goes, though. Gettin' someone killed and killin' them with your actual hands are the same thing. I know that.

"To Hell with all'a ya'll!"

He shakes Shane off and beelines for me. He takes me from Lori with bloodied hands — Rick's blood — and I let him yank me by the back of my shirt to my feet, and I fall into his chest when he crouches. His breath is heavy on my neck. Even his skin is hot.

Lori's pale as an egg. I think she's scared of my Dad.

He takes a big breath, stands up, and drags me by the hand back to our tent without sayin' another word.

[queseraone]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by the fabulous @cfr749. Please go read her fics and join me in screeching over them!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 28

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 103,520

3. What fandoms do you write for? The Rookie (Chenford), and previously for Chicago PD (Linstead)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? - stay - i want you to be happier - i don't wanna think of anything else (now that i thought of you) - all at once this is enough - now everything is easy (cause of you)

5. Do you respond to comments? I didn't when I first started posting fics (though I often think about going back and replying to them now, but that would probably be weird lol). But yes, now I definitely respond to comments. I am absolutely giddy over every single one I receive, and so I love to express that appreciation!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hmmmm I don't think any of them? I tend to leave even the angstiest fics on a hopeful note. But I suppose either just close your eyes (you'll be alright) or you know the greatest films of all time were never made just because of where they land in relation to the events of the show?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably in paper rings, in picture frames, and all my dreams, because, hello, 💍

8. Do you get hate on fics? Thankfully I have only seen positive feedback, which is so so lovely. This fandom is wonderful 💖

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do not, because I'm too chicken. Maybe one day? (iykyk)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? No. I can't stand crossover fics. 😬

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?  Not by me!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! My babe @timandlucy and I have a collab that we started a while ago and have recently talked about picking up again! And we have an idea for another one brewing too! And @makeitastrength and I have on that's sitting on the backburner, but hopefully we will make happen!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Chenford!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I want to say none because I'm way too fucking stubborn to give up on anything. But *sigh* Home... 😬😬😬😬😬 (it's been 5½ years, so it's not looking particularly hopeful)

16. What are your writing strengths? Oh man, I don't know? I hope I do a decent enough job of getting their voices right? Dialogue is often a battle, but that's probably because of how insane particular I am. I will say things out loud, play around with words, etc. to make sure it really feels like something they would say.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Being too indecisive and my lack of confidence (which, frankly, go hand in hand).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I haven't done it, but I would definitely be looking to lean on a native speaker to ensure I do it correctly!

19. First fandom you wrote for? Chicago PD (Linstead)

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? So hard, but i want you to be happier has a special place in my heart. It was a challenge to write, but the words still came so easily. And when I go back and re-read it, I don't cringe, so that's a win right there!

Thanks Lana! 🥰

Tagging @timandlucy @roguetwelve @makeitastrength @silverskull @goodgirlssayiloveyoutoo @chenfordspiral @sisterofficerlucychen @thisnightissparkling089 💕

[hongtiddiez]

what are the top 5 shows that gave you the most brainrot this year (affectionate)?

ask me my top 5 bl anything 🌸

well this is the question of all time (also the last question in my inbox pspspsps ya'll wanna send me more of these soooo bad pspspsp)

this was the show where i knew i was fucked. i would be hooked on bl forever. i'd fallen into the trap and i would never leave. i watched KP as my.. 3rd or 4th bl? it rearranged all the atoms in my body. i had reached enlightenment. it got me to write fic again after 6 months.

i think its better if we all don't know how many times i've rewatched Not Me. it spoke to my rebellious, anti establishment soul. they were everything i wanted to be when i was younger. also got me writing more fic which is still being updated sooo so slowly.

i'm still so obsessed with them. i regularly go and stalk the tag on ao3. i've read every inspector m and oat fic out there. i know it's old news but i'm so fucking obsessed with them. i really need to keep reading transplant, i'm just juggling so much right now. as soon as work slows back down i'm hauling ass to Viangpha Mork.

i am currently deep in these trenches. every moment my brain isn't occupied with work, phayatharn, or alanjeff is spent here. i live here now, i've made myself a lovely little nest. i've written a fic blurb that's been really well received, i've started the first chapter for a proper full length fic. don't ever wake me, this is where i wanna be.

please. please release me from your siren song. please. i can't stop rotating them in my head. i can't stop thinking of little blurbs to write. i wrote that phaya character study the other night (and was blown away by the love you all showed it) and now my brain insists on thinking about writing a tharn character study. they're everything. the absolute perfect dynamic. i just know i will be in mourning when the show is over.

[flownwrong]

and you shall receive (due south fic)

Fraser/Kowalski, rated E; tags: established relationship, panties; 1.7K words

Summary: He wants to ask, what's that about, what were you thinking about, is this a woman thing, is this a gay thing, is this a Ray thing, what, what?—but it feels weird when he's already doing this.

A/N: @nigeltde-fic mentioned Ray and panties in one sentence. I said, I wanna write that. I wrote that. In under two hours. Thanks, Nige!

read on ao3

"Thank you kindly, ma'am," he hears Fraser say. "You can reach detective Kowalski at this number. Please don't hesitate to call if you remember any details."

Ray's at the back, running his fingers over the lavender silk of a camisole. Stella used to have one like this, way back, and it was thin and skin-warm under his fingers when he'd put his arm over her as she read in bed, and he was beat from the long day, squeezing his eyes against the glare of the bedside lamp until he'd pass out, and somehow that was what got him going later, when they had the time and the mood was right, seeing that loose, familiar thing on her when they'd brush their teeth side by side, golden light filtering through the frosted bathroom window, making the silk shimmer—oh yeah, that was the ticket.

Fraser puts a hand on his shoulder, and Ray turns to look, and he has this—expression, staring just above Ray's shoulder. Not deer in the headlights, more like a flashbulb over his head. He licks his lips and looks back to Ray, eyebrows raised.

"Gimme a second," Ray says, and Fraser nods, looks at Ray's hands still on the camisole, nods again and leaves. Ray waits until the wind chimes ding to see what the hell got Fraser's flashbulb on.

It's a rack. With panties. Not the hot pink scratchy monstrosities, but more subdued, all delicate patterns and price tags that bite. Ray takes a deep breath. Okay. Okay. So Fraser has—a thing, which thing? He'd read the files, knows damn well Fraser doesn't mind the implication—and hey, he should ask about that some time. But this is new, and that anybody could look at him and—

"Need a hand, love?"

The lady—the owner, their witness—barely reaches his shoulder and reminds him more of a librarian than a lingerie connoisseur. He sees, actually sees himself nod, like he's staring at the back of his own head. His hands are clammy and—yep, shaking.

"Um," he says, and she puts a hand on his arm, pushes him gently until his nose is practically touching the damn things.

"Let's see about the size." She eyes the rack critically, gives him a once over for good measure.

"Uh," he adds, ever helpful.

She reaches up with this hook-on-a-stick thing, pulls down a pair of navy blue panties from somewhere above their heads and holds them up, as in near his face, for some reason.

"Blue is your color," she says, with the finality of a judge, and pushes the things into his hands. They're soft, satiny, no bells and whistles, just fine dark fabric, except for the little mesh piece in the middle that would be an invitation on a girl, a road to the prize, but on him—probably go right over his dick and—do what? He has no idea.

And then he's somehow out the door, and god, he's really doing this, he is.

He drives Fraser to the consulate in a fog, squeezes his knee weakly and lets him go. Opens his jacket and sticks the little bag into the glove compartment, can't go into the station like this.

He's home before Fraser—thank fuck. 

He stares at the razor, puts it down, feeling a little sick. What if he read this wrong, what if he's—what if he chickens out and misses out on some new and unfamiliar Fraser? Perish the thought.

He showers, feels weird about rubbing down with his old towel, well overdue for laundry. Pads around to the cabinet, dripping on the floor, and grabs the one Fraser bought him because—hell knows why, but it's red and soft and big enough to wrap himself in and he instantly feels better.

The panties aren't exactly uncomfortable, but all he can see in the mirror is his skinny ass and his soft dick and his weird rib cage and—yep, no, they're not doing anything for him. But it's not what this is about, right? So he pulls the sweats over them and leaves the bedroom while he still can.

By the time Fraser's key turns in the lock, he's mostly breathing fine, and the dishes are all done—a necessary evil, something to do to keep himself from going batshit.

Fraser's managed to change and is walking towards him before he can talk himself out of it. Ray meets him in the middle, presses a hesitant kiss to his cheek. Has to hide his face in Fraser's neck then and hold onto his waist, and Fraser's hands come up to hold his shoulders, which, shit, he's got the shakes again, so much for the dishes.

Fraser puts a gentle hand on his face, tilts it up, eyes wide and disbelieving. Fuck knows what his own look like. He wants to ask, what's that about, what were you thinking about, is this a woman thing, is this a gay thing, is this a Ray thing, what, what?—but it feels weird when he's already doing this.

"Hey," he says and manages a smile. Fraser's warm and sure and safe and he feels the chills grow dull, let him go.

"Ray," Fraser says, a question, not a greeting. "You shaved."

He only shaves in the mornings, unless they have some fancypants place to be, which is not often, and even then Fraser has to give him a look, the times he pretends to forget.

"Uh, yeah," he rubs the back of his neck. "You hungry?"

Say no, say no, he begs silently; he's hungry, but his stomach is in knots and he's half-hard from the adrenaline alone—and yep, the mesh is stretching over him, not unpleasant, hugging his balls, too—and he doesn't think he could live through dinner.

"No," Fraser says, and it's a lie, he can see, but he thanks the patron saint of sexual experimentation anyway.

He doesn't know the next step, so he presses tighter against Fraser, with his rolled-up henley sleeves and his wondering eyes and his fingers spanning Ray's cheekbone, nestling themselves behind Ray's ear.

Fraser gives him this nod, this 'wow, really?' nod he gave Ray the first time Ray put his hand in Fraser's and meant it. Grabs his wrists, leads him down to the bedroom, gentles him down like he's spun glass, fuck, and closes the door—against what?

Fraser's hand spreads possessive over his ribs, and then he's down on the bed and Fraser's nestled between his legs and the sweats are off and he whimpers at the relief of it, at being spared the words and the wait.

Fraser doesn't even look at the panties—which, what? He takes Ray's hand, kisses his knuckles, frowns a little at Ray, and he closes his eyes, tries his best not to burrow into the pillow, whispers, "This what you meant?" and Fraser puts his head gently just above his knee and whispers back, "God, Ray, how did I—," and Ray says, "What, what?", and looks down at Fraser shaking his head, wearing this helpless, almost pleading look, and then he's kissing his way up and into the crook of Ray's thigh, and Ray shivers and draws his leg up and back and over Fraser's shoulder, and oh yeah, now it's the eyes-on-the-prize, all-in Fraser, nosing under the edge of the fabric, cupping him whole with one big hand, pressing down—and then he licks between his own fingers, keeps it up until Ray's leg jerks, almost kicking him in the ribs, and he keens and reaches for Fraser's shoulder and the back of his neck, thrusting up and up and up, his dick wet and full and almost hurting, and he could cry from the way Fraser's moving his whole body under Ray's hands, like he can't stay still, needs to put his fucking back into loving Ray, and his next breath catches on a sob, and Fraser's saying, "Thank you, Ray, fuck," and Ray can see the frantic movement of his hand where he's holding himself up on his knees, feels when he groans into Ray's belly and drops down and gets himself off against Ray's fucking calf, and Ray's gone, has to close his eyes and take deep breaths for a minute so his heart doesn't explode and take them both with it.

He zones back in as Fraser's sliding the panties down his legs gently, holding up one foot, then the other, so nothing catches on anything.

He waits until Fraser settles down, faces him on his side like a mirror image, pinkies touching on the pillow between them. 

"So," Ray says. He's not keyed up any more than usual, thank you kindly, and that just means the curiosity is back full force.

"Yes?" Fraser says, looking at Ray like he wants to pet his head or something. Ray shrugs and puts Fraser's hand in his hair, butts it gently until Fraser giggles and gets the message.

"So, you liked that."

"Mm-hmm."

"You're not gonna ask stupid questions, like how, or why, or am I okay, right?"

"Uh-uh."

Great. He broke the Fraser. Fucking underwear.

Ray has to squint to hold back a laugh. "But I get to ask?"

"And you shall receive."

"Freak," Ray says, presses a kiss to the inside of Fraser's wrist. "So, what's that about?"

"You," Fraser says, the kind of deadpan Ray can tell means serious.

"Me, what, me?" Ray waves a hand vaguely at the foot of the bed, where the panties must be still, he's not looking. "They'd look hotter on you. Uh, hypothetically." Not at this juncture.

"It's not about looks, Ray, and I disagree." Fraser leans over to kiss his shoulder.

"No? So you don't want me in, like, a getup or anything?"

"No," Fraser says, simply, "unless you'd like to," and smiles like a dope.

Ray sighs and goes to take care of the cleanup. Puts yesterday's excuse for risotto on the stove while he's up. Remembers Stella's lavender silk, and how Fraser held him before he even saw anything, gentle, gentle.

"So, you knew I'd do it if you looked at me right, and it's not a woman thing," he says, walking to the bedroom, and then he gets it, and stops in the doorway. "Shit, Frase. It's a trust thing?"

He waits a bit, lets him think—but when he looks, Fraser's asleep, his open hand waiting.

[monstersandmaw]

Hey so genuine question (which I'm doing not on anon Incase you'd rather answer privately) and please pardon my ignorance but how does an aro/ace person like romance/smut let along create it? Like I know being aro/ace is lacking the respective attraction towards someone else specifically but wouldn't that still bleed over into media? Like I don't understand how you write romance but also don't like it yourself and I wanna understand haha

Hey, I don’t mind you asking, but thanks for understanding that not everyone would be happy to discuss it. I don’t pretend to be able to speak for everyone, obviously, and asexuality is a beautifully broad spectrum and people fit at different points along it, sometimes more than one at a time.

Asexual is not the same as aromantic (I know you’re talking about the ‘romance genre’ in general, but I figured I’d drop this in too). I’m not aromantic - I’m happily married and very soppily in love - but I am asexual so I’m not really interested in sex happening to me. Im not sex-averse, the way many aces are, but Im just not super bothered or interested in it happening to me. It’s akin to autochorisexuality, I suppose, which is a subset of the wider umbrella of asexuality. I’m not too fussed about labels for myself, so I just go with ace usually and leave it at that.

I enjoy reading stories which happen to have smut in because it is something the characters in the story want. They’re involved and enjoying it (at least in the stories I read) and I enjoy reading how they react to each other and to various sensations. AO3 is an absolute blessing because of its tagging and filtering system, because I have a lot of squicks when it comes to smut, and I also don’t tend to seek out stories that are just pwp one-shots. I need the characters to have some kind of connection before I’m interested in reading a smutty bit of their story. Again, this is similar to demisexuality.

I enjoy reading about how people feel when they’re being touched sexually, how they explore one another physically, how that brings them closer together, what it means to them etc. I like to equate it with reading about someone doing something like bungee jumping or flying a plane. I have no real desire to do it myself, but it’s fun and enjoyable for me to read about how they experienced it and what it felt like and how they felt about it. If that makes sense?

Tldr: I don’t enjoy all kinds of smut. There’s an awful lot of smut and erotica that I really super duper do not enjoy, and if you know my writing, you’ll know the kind of thing I am drawn to - tender, loving, with an underlying emotional connection between the characters, and all pretty vanilla really, I suppose.

I hope that helps explain a little about why I’m happy to write and read some smut, even though it’s not something I am interested in experiencing myself in my own life.

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Writer Questionnaire

Double tagged by @the-letterbox-archives! It's all under the cut cos this is looong.

Part 1

q1) is writing a hobby or way of life?

Creativity and imagination is a way of life. Writing's just my chosen method of expressing it.

q2) a journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript?

Completed manuscript haha. I'm not Tolkien, nobody's gonna wanna read my version of the Silmarillon.

q3) who (or what) is your writing inspiration?

Err- Real life, I guess? My dreams, too. I take what I see and make it into a story.

q4) which is worse: someone you “idolise” reading your first draft or listening to you sing?

My first drafts tend to be really neat, so singing. My singing's atrocious.

q5) has writing from someone else’s pov ever changed your own perspective?

Not for writing, but debating? Yeah, sometimes getting put on opp for a case where I'd rather be gov makes me see a whole new world.

q6) tumblr, ao3, livejournal, or ffn?

Tumblr. I like the community here :)

q7) ao3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it?

Err- My AO3 contains things I would rather not share with this mostly family-friendly blog, but my wordcount's about 30k there. In total, though? 250k words or so.

q8) what movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably?

Lolita, definitely. I read it as a 13 year old, then as a 15 year old, and as a 17 year old, and it still breaks my heart every time.

q9) what’s the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it?

The highest compliment would be for someone to say I made them cry/rage/laugh from my writing, and I'm pleased to say I once managed to send a friend into a fit of fury from my writing (it was Heroes that did it, mind you. She really hated Mara.)

q10) what defines your writing style?

I experiment a lot with styles, but I'd say I have 2 main ones. The more high-fantasy descriptive style, and something lighter and more fast-paced.

Part 2:

how long have you had your writing tumblr/writeblr? a fast and loose estimate is fine!

7months or so!

what led you to create it?

I wrote something I was insanely proud of, and felt the need to show it to the world.

what’s your favourite thing about the writeblr community?

The mutual interaction! So fun to watch my brain rot over someone else's OCs, and vice versa.

what’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

I'm a nice person, I swear. If I've ever accidentally upset any of you, just tell me! I'll try my best to rectify whatever I did.

is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

Not more, but I'd like to see less politics. My life's stressful enough without that stuff

which wips or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

I'm still dying from The Fae Prince, because holy crap that came out of nowhere and took my brain by storm.

how long have you been working on them?

I never work on projects for long, sadly. I just don't have the attention span for them! My oldest active project right now is Mind of a Mercenary, and it's 7 months old (I started it on New Year's Eve last year)

do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

Yeah. Luna's been a fav of mine since I was a 14 year old, and I always wanted to tell her story. I felt I hadn't done it justice the previous two times I wrote it, so I tried again!

how much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

I only actually think about writing when I'm actively writing, haha. So about 2 hours a day?

when someone asks the dreaded, “what do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

Horror and fantasy! It's pretty easy cos I'm a stickler for those genres.

name any characters you created. side characters, protagonists, antagonists, characters who’ve never been written, the first original abomination you ever pulled from your ass; whomever you’d like!

Hmm... In order of species, Ina Angelborn, Kimael Angelborn, Isobel Angelborn, Hash Brown, Hans-el Ko-clan, Miphala Sa-clan, Cefalin Sa-clan, Katherine Tan (yes Kat's Chinese, get with the program), Michael Woods, Iraela Foundling, Ramaeria Foundling, Maizen Carver, Sonder Woods (no relation), Mara Ng, David I-forgot-his-last-name.

who’s the most unhinged?

Iraela would like to be first place, and Mara would like to think she's last, but I'm afraid first and last gotta go to Ina and David respectively.

who comes the most naturally for you to write?

Naturally, Hans-el, as long as I don't take too close a look at what I'm typing. Otherwise, Luna. Her inner monologue sounds an awful lot like mine.

do you ever cringe at them?

All the time.

how much control do you feel you have over your characters? do they ever “write themselves,” refuse to cooperate, or do things you didn’t expect? to what degree? are some less cooperative than others?

That depends. The more I write about a character, the more they refuse to follow instructions. That's what makes Ina so damn hard to write. Woman's lived in my head for a good 15 or so years, now.

what makes you want to follow another writeblr account? do you follow ‘em as you see ‘em, or take time scoping out the blog to make sure you align with its content? do you follow based on wips, or vibes?

I follow them as I see 'em!

what makes you decide against following?

Too much politics. I cannot express how much I hate to see politics on my dash. I have real life for that stuff. Also too much religion/ideology. The only things I tolerate on my dash are fandom, cats, and writblr stuff.

do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Occasionally? I mean, I do try to reach out to whoever I see in the community, even if I haven't followed them yet.

do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

My noodle is currently occupied by JavaScript, so no. But soon, I will have time to go binge everyone's writing again, and I will find my next obsession amongst my moots' writing!

Tagging @cowboybrunch, @theink-stainedfolk, @urnumber1star, @mundanemoongirl, and @gioiaalbanoart (open tag too!) Feel free to choose between part 1 or part 2, or even do the whole thing!

[cs-rylie]

Let's spread some love 😘. What are some of your top five favourite cs fics?

Five?! I guess I can give you five.. (plus a few extras..) I pick the ones I reread the most as my "top five favorites", which is the best way I know how to narrow this down, but I'm not convinced I have a favorite or a top 5. There are far too many good reads in the CS community!

My picks below the line - links are for ao3

I couldn't find everyone on tumblr, so PLEASE let me know their tumblr tags if you know them! Such amazing writers, the lot!

1. Unbreakable - xHookenonKillianx

I reread the epilogue, just by itself, quite frequently. It's so beautiful. As soon as I forget the meaning of certain details in it, I reread this fic, which usually amounts to once a year.

2. The Legend of Captain Killian Jones - hollyeleigh @hollyethecurious

Ooph I love when someone manages to bring pirate-from-the-18th-century Killian to a modern AU. I just love how all the details add up and how they fall in love and how Henry is as much a part of the story as CS. I reread this every October. (often once again when winter appears over, too)

3. Alone, until I get home - phthalo @peglegjones

I think I need to reread this [again] to give it accurate praise, because my memory SUCKS, but Henry and Ian's dynamic is one aspect I remember well, and appreciate. It's so hard to write kids and keep them relevant in a story and she does this sooo well. And the little bits of magick.. that made my heart swell. I don't wanna spoil anything..

4. How you remind me - cosette141 @cosette141

Any fic that can do it better than canon deserves praise. This is canon divergence from Killian showing up in New York, and the whole thing is my new head canon for the show.

5. Second star to the right - only_halfway_there

This was different than most CS fics, and I suspect it's because this was written before we got a lot of CS in the show? But that just means this author used her creativity, making a different Neverland, a different version of Hook, and the whole thing is so unique and beautiful.

This one is incomplete, hence it's spot here at #6, but I'll never give up on it being completed one day. A ton of people from the past show up in the present all at once, including one Pirate Captain Killian Jones. (Again.. pirate-from-the-18th-century Killian in a modern AU..)

Bonus, 6. A place in time - twistedroses @swanslieutenant

(feel free to send me more pirate-from-the-18th-century Killian fics.. no I don't have a problem!)

Now for the rest. I've reread most of these, but again ONLY FIVE?! These are not in any order, except the order I found them in my document. Again, lmk any missing tumblr names so I can tag these amazing writers!

Dark Grey - colormyheartred @cutieodonoghue

With affection - PhiraLovesLoki @phiralovesloki

Devastation and Healing - jrob64 @jrob64

More than all the stars - colormyheartred @cutieodonoghue

Beastly - xHookedonKillianx

Catch me if you can - LetItRaines @let-it-raines

A hard man is good to find - wtvoc @this-too-too-sullied-flesh

The convenient groom - @searchingwardrobes

A fairytale beginning - PocketAnon @pocket-anon

For the sake of Henry - jrob64 @jrob64

A band of grass and crown of flowers - hollyeleigh @hollyethecurious

only five my left foot *grumble grumble*

[cxcassii]

About me ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Hi hi! I’m cassi or you can just call me cass

She/they pronouns

I will blog mostly about my writings/brain rots/art WIPs. I am a learning artist, new to digital art.

Unapologetically unhinged abt eremika 🩷

Massively multifandom / multishipper. MAINLY fixated with eremika, presently. I’m into a lot of different things, though and I’m not choosey about stuff!

This blog is STRICTLY 18+ as I request minors do not interact.

dead dove/dark fic connoisseurs are welcomed

I’m down to talk about anything! NSFW/SFW so long as conversation is respectful.

Please, carefully read the tags of my fics before divulging! I tag all my works very specifically.

I do not take kindly to any forms of harassment, hate or bullying. Automatic block if you cross any of those three.

My asks are open!

All of my fics are located on Ao3 & this is my Twitter/X & instagram

Ao3 Fics

Healing In Your Pheromones — explicit, omegaverse au { on-going } — Alphas go into feral rut eruptions after a while if they’re continually nulled by suppressants. The dominants are transported to sanctums that are known as Rehabilitation Sanctuaries. Compounds are operated by omegan priestesses who perform pheromone therapy on the alphas brought in.

The ultimate theme is futile opposition of your destined mate. The healings of past trauma in said mate. Learning to allow what should come naturally.

A.K.A — there’s not enough em a/b/o au’s out there, so here! this is my contribution to the cause.

A Slice of Paradise — explicit cabin au { completed/one-shot } — In the paths, residing in the remote seclusion of their small temporary eden, their fabricated home—their carefully crafted cabin.

The intimate instances they partook and shared within;

Eren and Mikasa absorb the small remaining amount of time they have together.

A.K.A. — cabin au + titan nsfw content

^ WARNING! Please do NOT indulge if you don't wanna read titan nsfw content. You have been heavily advised!

asking for it — explicit, modern au { completed/one-shot } — Eren and Mikasa have been married for five years. Eren has been gone on a business trip for a little over a month. Mikasa so lovingly welcomes him home.

A.K.A — the married hobo looking Eren x subby Mika au

Tale By The Sea — explicit, mermaid au { completed one-shot } — He never much believed in the lore of mermaids. Sure, he had heard plenty of exaggerated fables and tall tales. Eren was a pirate, yes, but that didn’t mean he inherently believed in all the ole folktales of the sea. The man’s main purpose was sailing nation to nation. Taking on odd jobs for treasures, riches, jewels and everything in between. He was a jack of all trades kind of pirate.

However, in a twist of fateful events;

Eren’s beliefs are tested shortly after taking on an odd job. Foolishly, he’d set sail alone. Subsequently, his ship crashed right into a beast of a storm. Thrusted into the chasm of the deep blue, his world goes black swiftly after the thunderous sea sinks his vessel.

Next thing Eren knows, he’s waking up staring straight into nearly sky blue, silvered eyes. A glimmering, shimmered tail whipping around a head full of lustrous raven locks.

“How goes it, human?”

“Uhm, y-yer a…”

“Yes, a mermaid. And I saved your life. That means you owe me one.”

Well, guess Eren be damned.

Maybe mermaids did exist.

A.K.A. — the mermaidKasa x Pirate Eren au

Porcelain Menial — explicit, modern messy stripperKasa au { on-going / returning from hiatus } —

Mikasa, age 24, was a stripper in the night-time at her cousin Levi's night club, Club Rose.

It was during a brief—though highly sexually charged—lap dance did a certain brunet, deeply sun-kissed, and aqua-teal-eyed man slipped her a hefty amount of cash.

Unaware, Mikasa stumbled into the same man again in the most unexpected way.

Or what she presumed was unexpected.

Cunning and clever, Mr. Eren Jaeger’s keen on precisely he how pulled the strings and how exactly he planned to invite the stripper into his home.

A.K.A. — The messy stripper/maidKasa x closeted kinkster doctor Eren au ✨

( ^ messy writing in this one, as it’s my first multi-chap fic, be warned! )