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#pls tell me this is somewhat normal
redjukebox · 2 years
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Does anyone else feel like they get really defensive of autism when it’s brought up for any reason? Like, idk if that’s the right word but anytime it’s brought up I get really defensive of myself, even if I’m simply watching a video talking about it in some way.
I’m watching a video of someone relating it to dhmis and their talking about their experience growing up with it and I just have this scared defensive feeling.
I don’t really know how to describe it
Like I’m angry, scared, sad and defensive
Maybe it’s because I’ve gone my entire life without a diagnosis and no help so when I hear about people’s experiences (good or bad) I get jealous?? Idk but it’s so weird
Like it’s to the point where I avoid content surrounding autism
Maybe it’s because it’s easy for people (neurotypicals mostly) to get info so wrong and I’m scared the info will be wrong and I’m so tired of info being wrong?? I really don’t know
Does this happen to anyone else (specifically autistic people)??
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weenhands · 1 year
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i wanna die im sorry gerard i let you down but this gender stuff is kicking my ass
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niningtori · 2 months
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make you cry | part one
part two | part three: hyuka's ending
pairing: beomgyu x you, huening kai x you in alternate ending
summary: beomgyu is your manwhore best friend who you've been secretly in love with for years. one night, he asks you to blur the lines between friendship and physical intimacy for his own convenience.
genre: ANGST, romance, smut (mdni), fwb
warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, creampie, dom!gyu, eventual sub!gyu, fingering (vaginal), dacryphilia, dirty talk, praise, if i missed anything lmk!
word count: 4.2k
notes: hi friends! i'm not completely satisfied with this, but i'd rather it be done than sitting in my drafts. pls don't be mean ;_;
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being in love with your best friend is not for the faint of heart, you think. in some cases, it’s the easiest thing in the world, but beomgyu makes it difficult. he’s not a bad guy, at least not deep down, but as you watch him break the heart of another notch in his belt, you can’t help but shiver at the fact that he’d very easily do the same to you if you gave him that chance. not that you ever will, that is, but the thought still remains.
you met in grade school. for you, it was a classic case of love at first sight. you had just fallen off the swingset and the teacher had yet to notice you, so you were crying alone when he came up to you with a dinosaur bandaid in tow. he looked like an angel with the sun encircling him, and even as a child, you thought he was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen as he held his little hand out for you to grasp. you had no chance to steel your heart when he asked you if you wanted to be friends, and after that, the rest is history. 
that was years ago, but the image of him holding out his hand is engraved in your bones. you think about it even now as you watch him make the poor, unfortunate girl in front of you bawl like a baby. she asks him why he's doing this, what she did wrong, how she can fix it to make him stay. but he's dead set on breaking her heart tonight. and you'll be the one who takes his tipsy ass home after he's done ruining this girl’s perception of love. you’re nothing more than a glorified lackey and enabler, but that's just how it is.
“god, i don’t know why they can never just let go. they always have to make it so hard,” he grumbles in the passenger’s seat of your car. he seems more annoyed than genuinely upset and you can’t help but to feel for the girl who he just unceremoniously dumped in the middle of a house party, so you speak up for once.
“it’s not her fault, beoms. she just really likes you,” you reason. not that it matters, anyway, but you feel better after speaking your mind.
“so it’s my fault? i just don’t get it. i told her no strings attached from the beginning. the fact that she took it seriously is her own problem.” well, nevermind about feeling better. you feel even worse for her now.
“it’s hard not to get attached to you,” you mumble.
“what?” he asks, not even really paying attention to what you’re saying, but still asking for the sake of being (what he thinks is) polite.
“no, it’s nothing,” you reply quickly.
“mmm,” he nods, completely preoccupied with his own issues to really give a fuck about what you have to say. then, as if by a stroke of genius, he says his next words without much thought.
“i just thought of something! you would never act like that with me, would you?” you can’t help but scowl. of course you’d act like that. you’re a normal human being with normal feelings. you’ve already fallen for beomgyu without the physical intimacy, so you can’t imagine how you’d act if you actually had sex with him. but you can’t tell him that, or else he’d start suspecting something.
“i guess not,” you sigh. 
“then why don’t we hook up instead?” he asks, genuinely earnest. 
“no,” you say simply.
“why not?” he frowns, somewhat offended.
“i’m not interested,” you shrug. you don’t realize that your indifference has the opposite effect on beomgyu. what he perceives as your disgust only interests him more.
“c’mon, i’d definitely show you a good time,” he argues.
“i’m fine, thanks.” 
“no, you’re not fine. you haven’t slept with anybody in months. not since what’s-his-name, right? it’s the perfect deal. i’ll give you the time of your life and i’ll get to fuck without any feelings involved.” you try your hardest not to say it’s too late for that. those words will never leave your mouth, though. or else he’d drop you like a hot potato.
“i said no and i mean no. besides, i kind of like somebody right now.” you’re not lying, really. you truly do like, even love, somebody right now, and he’s sitting right next to you.
“who is he?” he asks. “actually, your taste in men is so shit, i don't even wanna know.” usually, that would hurt your feelings, but this whole situation is so fucked up you can’t even find it in you to stifle your laugh. 
“true.” he cocks an eyebrow at your answer. you should, in theory, vehemently deny this. just how shitty is this guy for you to not even put up a fight? 
“okay, i lied. now i really wanna know. who is he? yeonjun?” he asks. you giggle even more.
“no. yeonjun is sweet, but no. and i’m not telling you, so you should give up.” 
“you think yeonjun is sweet in comparison? damn, this guy must be fucking scum,” he laughs. you can’t help but shake your head with an airy laugh of your own. yeah, he’s so awful he even makes yeonjun look sweet. at least it seems like yeonjun has a conscience when he fucks somebody over. beomgyu, for the most part, has none.
“he’s not all bad,” you say softly, still smiling and resting your head on the headrest of your car. 
“but still bad,” he argues. 
“mhmm,” you hum. “still bad.”
-
beomgyu doesn’t mention hooking up again after that, and for that you are thankful, you think. is there a part of you that regrets not saying yes? in a way, you do. who wouldn’t want to be even closer to the one they love? but you know the closeness would be a lie. even if you were in closer proximity physically, he’d still be far away emotionally. too far to ever catch him. and so you sit at the counter of this shitty bar and watch him try to woo one of the prettiest girls you’ve ever seen, and by the looks of it, it’s working. you smile bitterly and down another shot, making your stomach feel hotter and hotter. you know that by the end of the night, you’ll feel sick, but you’d rather be physically sick and drunk rather than emotionally sick and sober. 
“you okay?” kai asks, sliding into the seat next to yours and cutting into your daze with ease. 
“aren’t i always?” you answer with a wry smile.
“it’s that bad, huh?” he asks. beomgyu is your best friend, sure, but kai is the only person in the world who knows about your feelings for him. he also feels like the only person in the world who would understand them. 
“yeah, it is,” you mumble, downing yet another drink as you watch beomgyu grinding on the girl salaciously. 
“wanna get out of here?” he asks sympathetically. you should say no. beomgyu will be angry that you left  him, even if he’d ditch you in a heartbeat to get laid. but now, as you watch him shoving his tongue in the red-lipped mouth of the girl who will now be the impossible standard you’ll hold yourself to from hereon out, you can’t bring yourself to care.
“i do,” you smile, for real this time, and his grin matches yours.
you’re so drunk, you barely remember how you got home, but you’re here and so is hyuka. you don’t cry, even if he kind of wishes you would just so you could let it all out. you laugh, even, as he tells his dorky jokes and beats your ass in mario kart. things are going so well, you don’t even hear the pounding on your door until kai says something about it.
“i’ll get it,” he says soothingly when you unsteadily try to stand up.
“thanks, hyuka,” you smile. and that smile stays planted on your face until you see who’s at the door. beomgyu. and by the looks of it, he’s pissed.
“what the fuck is your problem?! how could you just leave me there alone?” he asks as soon as he’s let in. your face sinks and all prior happiness is washed away in an instant.
“you weren’t alone,” kai cuts in defensively. “she was alone until i came and got her.” beomgyu is actually a little embarrassed by this blatant callout, but he’d sooner die than admit it.
“well, she should’ve said something, at least,” he counters, face still hot and voice still as loud as ever.
“i thought you were going home with that girl,” you reply meekly. 
“and you couldn’t just ask?!” he snaps. 
“you’re being an asshole,” kai argues. “nobody wants to watch you tonguing down some random girl, and she’s not your babysitter.” the room is deathly quiet after this. beomgyu is fishing for words, but he’s too drunk to quite think of any at the moment. he wishes he were sober so he could put kai in his place, but the words never come. all he knows is he’s pissed beyond anything he can properly articulate and it’s driving him crazy. 
“you’re drunk,” kai adds sternly. “go home.” 
“hyuka, it's okay,” you say gently. “he's too drunk for that. he can crash on the couch.” beomgyu doesn't know why, but he scowls at the nickname.
“but —”
“it's okay,” you repeat. kai’s face looks torn. 
“alright, then i'll head out,” he relents after a few seconds. “the both of you just need some sleep,” he says with a sharp glance towards beomgyu, who is still fuming, by the way.
“thank you,” you say with a terse smile. he returns it with a smile of his own and shuts the door behind him. beomgyu watches the entire interaction and somehow feels even worse.
“what the fuck was that? is he the guy you’re hung up on or something?” 
“no!” you exclaim incredulously. “hyuka is a nice guy, and he’s just… helping me with some things right now.” you’re not the most eloquent person on a good day, much less while drunk, so that’s all you can really say at the moment.
“what ‘things’ could he possibly be helping you with?” he snaps before realization dawns on him. “you told him about that guy, didn’t you?! you can tell him but you can’t tell me?” 
“he… he just understands,” you say. you knew beomgyu wouldn’t just let this shit go and be done with it. he’s like a child finding out his dog likes somebody better than he likes him, and it’s exhausting.
“are you sleeping with him?” 
“what, no!”  you say firmly. 
“you are, aren’t you?” he sneers. “you won’t let me touch you, but you’re letting him?” 
“is it so hard to believe that a man just wants to be my friend without wanting to fuck me?” truthfully, yes. you’re good looking and his experience tells him that men always harbor those intentions. well, he does, at least. and for some reason, as he looks at you in your big t-shirt and sweatpants, those intentions are brewing even more. 
“beomgyu?” you ask tentatively. his eyes are so intense it seems like he’s even more pissed off,  somehow. your innocent look stokes the flames of what’s already been burning for you.
as if he’s possessed, he stalks his way over to you, grabs your face before you can even react, and plants a bruising kiss on your soft lips. you gasp when he meanly takes your bottom lip between his teeth and he can’t help but chuckle. the kiss is cruel for so many reasons, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t knock you off of your feet. you’re usually so restrained around him for reasons only you and kai know, but you feel your inhibitions melt as his tongue enters your mouth. he tastes like alcohol, but then, so do you, and he doesn’t seem to mind. in fact, if his hungry kiss in any indication, he seems to love it. 
one of his hands travel under your big hoodie and he tweaks your already hardened nipple between his fingers. 
“does that feel good, baby?” he asks lowly, and you feel yourself becoming even more wet. you're too embarrassed to respond, but judging from his tone, he already knows your answer. 
his kisses are unrelenting and fierce, no gentleness or care to be seen, but you’re so sweet he can’t control himself. he’s been wanting to do this ever since he hit puberty, but you’ve never seemed interested in him for reasons he can’t understand. but now, you seem more than interested as you let him lead you to your bedroom. he lays you down on your bed and takes off your sweatpants. when he sees you, naked and glistening just from a few touches, he licks his lips in anticipation.
“all this from a few kisses?” he teases, rubbing his fingers up and down your slit. you can do nothing but gasp in response as he pushes one of his long, calloused fingers into your heat.
“s-so tight, it’s sucking me in,” he moans. “i can’t wait to see how you feel around my cock.” he adds a second finger and curls, hitting your sweet spot. all you can do is moan as he takes his thumb and rolls your clit. he watches your body rise and fall with the pleasure and it fascinates him like nothing he’s ever seen. your eyes are screwed shut, but he can’t help but prod and tease to see the different facial expressions you show him. before long, he’s pounding into you. the sound of squelches mixed with your moans only goads him further and further until you’re clenching down mercilessly on his fingers.
“aww, does that feel good, baby?” he coos. “wanna feel even better?” post-release clarity should hit you right about now, but you’re only more eager when he removes his clothes. his lengthy cock, angry and reddened, springs up and slaps his stomach. you whimper at the sight and he smirks at how needy you are.
he hovers over you and slowly, agonizingly slowly, he begins to rub his stiffened length up and down your slit. 
“gyu, you need a condom —” you begin to protest.
“why? i’m clean. and i don’t fuck just anyone raw,” he argues as the head of his cock comes dangerously close to hooking on your entrance. you’ve never been able to say no to him for any meaningful amount of time, so relenting isn’t out of the ordinary for you. but more than that, his words, though unromantic, spark a bit of hope in your heart. you’re special, you think. 
“do you trust me?” he asks. 
no. not at all.
“of course.” and he pushes in. his arrogance falters as you take him in, inch by throbbing inch. it’s a tight fit, and the way you clench around the tip of his cock only drives him further and further into madness. how can you feel so good? how can this feel so perfect? 
your poor pussy is equal parts trying to suck him in and trying to resist so the intrusion is forced out. to him, it feels like heaven. 
“t-tight!” he hisses. “relax, baby, or you’re gonna break me.” for some reason, his words comfort you, allowing him smooth entry until he’s completely sheathed in you. you both moan when he completely bottoms out, balls hitting your ass in the most lewd way. his precum mixed with the result of your release seep into the bedsheets. he stays there for just a moment, pushing your hair out of your face, and his next words are uncommonly tender.
“you look so pretty like this,” he muses, and you don’t even have time to blush before he’s unsteadily pulling out, pussy pulling him back in like it never wants him to leave, then thrusting back in again. 
“oh m-my god,” he says as he begins to ram into you. “so good, baby. you’re taking me so well.” 
“b-big!” is all you can manage to say as he continues to fuck you open.
“oh baby, are you going dumb on my cock? can’t even manage to get the words out, can you? it’s okay, don’t think. i’ll take care. of. you,” he says, punctuating each word with his mean thrusts. 
you’re crying now, the pleasure too great to stifle your tears. beomgyu thinks you look absolutely lovely like this, lovelier than anyone he’s ever seen, especially when he looks at where you two are joined and watches himself enter and exit your puffy pussy. each gasp, each breathy whine you emit makes him feel crazier and crazier. he aches so much, he has no choice but to continue pounding into you until he's relieved. so he does. he’s gripping the plush of your thighs like he might die if he doesn’t have something to hold onto. 
he leans over to give you a nasty kiss, all tongue and teeth. when he parts from you, a lewd string of saliva falls from your mouths and he can’t control the chuckle that escapes him when he sees your pupils are blown out as you flounder for his lips again. 
“look, baby. look at how good i’m fucking you.” you look down and see how his cock protrudes from your tummy as he rams in and out of you. “nobody else has fucked you right, but don’t worry, i’ll make sure to fix that.” your pussy involuntarily clenches at his filthy words and it’s enough to make you come.
“c-coming!” you manage to choke out as you spasm around him, back arching deliciously. he follows soon after, thrusts becoming uneven before you feel his cum shooting inside of you.
-
fucking beomgyu comes naturally, and often. he can’t seem to keep his hands off of you. hooking up becomes almost a daily affair, but you’re so hungry for him you can’t bring yourself to protest. you fuck in his car, on his couch, over the fucking kitchen counter, even. all plans to go out with anyone else are immediately dashed in favor of being with him, instead. you feel yourself falling deeper and deeper in love with him, and even if you know, know, know it’s fruitless, you can’t help but relent when he looks at you like a man starved. 
“this can’t be good for you,” kai tells you one evening in the comfort of your apartment. it’s a rare occurrence to have a free night from beomgyu’s clutches. kai hasn’t seen you in weeks because you’ve been too “busy” with beomgyu. 
“well, i know,” you sigh, too tired to argue with him. 
“if you know, then why do you do it?” he asks tentatively. you can’t help but give him a look. 
“you know why,” you say. 
“he's just messing with your head. you know this can't end well.” you flinch at the word “end”. you know it, he knows it, beomgyu surely fucking knows it, but you can’t help but give in every time. “what are you gonna do when he inevitably fucks you over? and he will, just like always.”
“i… i’ll deal with it when the time comes,” you protest. he sees your defeated expression and lightly tilts your head so it’s resting on his shoulder. your retribution for your actions was always well on its way, but you didn’t know it would come so soon. 
you hear a key turning in the door. there’s only one person in the world you’ve given a spare to, so you aren’t surprised in the slightest when beomgyu walks in with that signature smirk on his face. he scowls a bit when he’s greeted with the scene of you and kai sitting so intimately.
“am i interrupting something?” he scoffs as you raise your head from kai’s shoulder.
“no,” kai replies before you can even fix your lips to respond. to your mild surprise, he doesn't push any further.
“whatever,” he shrugs, plopping down next to the two of you and pulling out his phone.
“wanna see this girl whose number i got today?” he asks casually, swiping through his phone eagerly. so that's why he didn't wanna meet up. your heart feels like a hole’s been blown straight through it. you and kai share a deep look, which beomgyu completely misses as he pulls up a picture of a beautiful looking girl. 
“this is her,” he says with a triumphant smirk. you don’t — can’t — respond. you just have a blank look on your face.
“what?” he asks petulantly. “she’s really pretty, look!” he insists, pulling up another picture. “she’s one of the hottest girls i’ve seen in a minute.”
any last shred of hope or dignity you have is strangled in its crib at his careless words. your eyes are hot and your stomach hurts so much you feel like you’re going to vomit. kai notices your discomfort and decides to put a stop to this once and for all.
“alright, that’s enough,” kai snaps. “nobody wants to see that shit.”
“what’s your fucking problem?” beomgyu retorts.
“my problem is that you’re a fucking moron. grow up.” beomgyu’s not one to get physical, at least not in a violent sense, but he’s on the precipice of breaking that streak at kai’s harsh words.
“stop, hyuka. it’s okay,” you say softly. beomgyu is so furious, he almost forgot you’re here, but he's genuinely confused by kai’s words.
“what's okay? what is it that you're not telling me?” beomgyu asks. 
“it's not okay, actually. he’s fucking you but he comes around and pulls this shit right in front of you?! she won’t say it, but i will.” 
“kai, don’t —” 
“she doesn’t care! no strings attached, that’s always been the deal.”
“you may be stupid as fuck, but surely you’re not that stupid,” kai sneers. “so if you say you don’t already know, you’re just a fucking liar.” beomgyu pauses at this. is he saying what he thinks he’s saying? surely you didn’t catch feelings, right? but one look at your face, and he knows kai is telling the truth. 
but why? and when?
“since when did you…”
“since always,” you say quietly. 
“oh, fuck. look, i —”
“it’s okay. i already know,” you cut in. and you do already know, but you can’t bear to hear him say it. beomgyu, in all his glory, processes this and instead of regret, all he feels is anger.
“i’m the piece of shit guy you can’t get over? are you fucking serious?”
“hyuka, you should go,” you say instead of letting him watch the melodrama unfolding before him. kai looks uncertainly between the both of you before relenting. 
“call me later, okay?” he says, wiping tears from your eyes that you didn’t realize had fallen.
“okay,” you reply with a sad smile. he sends beomgyu one last scathing look before gathering his shit and slamming the door behind him. 
“you tricked me!” beomgyu exclaims as soon as the door shuts. “i would’ve never fucked you if i knew you’d be like this.” just like everyone else. he doesn’t need to voice the last part, but you already know he wants to say it, which just hurts you even more.
“did you really not know, or were you just pretending not to know ‘cause it’d be inconvenient for you?” that shuts him up. kai was right, he’d be stupid not to know. maybe not at first, but surely along the way. surely when you’d look at him so longingly after sleeping with him, or the way you’d look so sad when he didn't stay after sex.
“listen, i’m so sorry that you’re scared, or angry, or whatever it is you’re feeling. i really am. but are you so selfish that you really think nobody else is afraid to have their heart broken? and do you think that means you’re allowed to hurt everyone else instead?” you ask quietly. every new word pierces his heart like nothing he's ever felt before. he wants to say something, but for the life of him, he can’t think of anything quite fitting. 
“i think you should leave,” you say after what feels like an eternity of silence. he looks at you with watery eyes and you almost feel guilty, but you’re through with feeling things for him that he’d never have the courtesy to feel for you. “go,” you repeat defeatedly, striding to the door and holding it open for him and he feels more and more like a rat you want to chase out of your home.
he looks like he wants to say something, but one look at you tells him you’re done listening. with heavy feet and an even heavier heart, he heads through the doorway, pausing only before he’s about to cross the threshold. he has a sinking feeling in his gut that tells him this is probably the last time he’ll be here. 
“are we still friends after this?” he asks lowly, eyes wide and more desperate than you’ve ever seen them. 
“no,” you say simply, and shut the door.
notes: not a ton of smut in this part, but i think the next part will have more i fear.
taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @everythingvirgoes @beomnoullitheorem @sunny4cast
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woahjo · 4 months
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The People We Became (Bakugou x Reader)
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masterlist | ao3
Pairing: Bakugou x Reader
Summary: Zombie Apocalypse Au.
The world fell apart almost a year ago and you refused to go with it. Left alone and to your own devices in a world full of monsters, where the dead come back to life, you believe that maybe surviving isn't living.
When Katsuki finds you alone in the woods and on the precipice of collapsing from exhaustion, he decides to bring you back to the house his group calls home. Against your better judgement and hesitancy to become attached, you decide to stay. In this world, everyone has lost someone. No soul is spared the violence, and you start sleeping with Bakugou Katsuki to dull the ache. Somehow, peace finds you anyway, but not without sacrifice.
Chapter Content Warnings:  fem!reader, gender neutral pronouns, strangers to lovers, violence typical of zombies, blood, gore, romance, slow-ish burn (for the emotional stuff), angst, kissin', questions of identity, loss, grief, graphic depictions of death and/or violence, mentions and descriptions of starvation/exhaustion typical of an apocalypse setting, very slight implications of possible sexual violence typical of an apocalypse setting, derealization, depersonalization, weapons (guns, blades, and traps), loss of identity
All content warnings can be found on ao3 with the rest of the series.
Word Count: 14.4k — 53k total on ao3
A/N: it's finally done... i'm sweating. i screamed. i cried. i bled. you know the drill. i am posting this a little differently than my other fics and series. only the first chapter will be posted here on tumblr (this post), with the rest of it broken up into chapters and posted on ao3.. purely because it was originally meant as a one shot and i don't like posting chapters on tumblr. it's not built for that and im tired. anyway, im nervous this is my new baby and im pretty sure my soul is somewhere in here. if u read this, pls come tell me what you think.. it fuels me. enjoy, cry, sweat, or whatever else you do when you read. as always, thank you and i love you.
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Two hundred and seventy six. It’s been two hundred and seventy six days since the world completely went to shit. You don’t really count the initial outbreak. The initial outbreak was relatively contained once people found out about it. You quarantined. You stayed inside. All it really took were a handful of idiots. Someone selfish. Someone who panicked and ran instead of facing the world honorably, and that was it. It only took days to lose almost every semblance of a normal life and a week to lose everything else. 
The light of your fire is dim, embers burning low as you sit in a foldable chair beside it. The chair is from a friend, someone you’re not with anymore and who went somewhere you couldn’t follow, and you've got a metal spatula in your hand. You're not sure why you grabbed it when you fled, but panic does weird things to the mind. You absentmindedly wonder why you’ve brought it along with you all this time. There’s no logical reason for you to tote the thing around. A friend had told you how strange it was that you thought to toss it into your bag and continue carrying it. This, along with a few other oddities, are all you managed to take from your house when the world fell to ruin. Everything else are things scavenged along the way or from people you'd met, joined, and lost. 
Maybe it’s because the spatula is somewhat normal, like somehow when you cook the game on your makeshift tin over your shitty fire, you can pretend you’re in your kitchen. A smash burger sounds good right now, with grilled onions on a brioche bun like the ones from the place by your apartment. 
The night is near silent and trees creak and crack like the hulls of great ships under heavy pressure, but the birds don't sing and nothing in the crowded wood you're taking shelter in makes a sound. Well, except for you and the gentle crackle of your fire. 
It’s easy to miss the noise that used to irritate you when the world goes quiet. You used to hate the sounds and lights of passing trucks when they’d cross on the street below your apartment window. Now, you’d do anything for the familiar comfort. The world is so dark and quiet, like it’s holding its breath and waiting for this to be over. The silence is almost too much, so loud that it hurts your ears. You huddle closer to the fire, craving its quiet sound. Focusing on it lessens the anxiety of the other noises. The ones you don’t want to hear. 
Your head is on a swivel. It has been for months. Ever since the outbreak, ever since the dead rose and began consuming and infecting the living, you've kept watch. A paranoid, never ending cycle that you suppose—if left on your own—will burn itself out. You swallow thick and return your attention to the fire, watching the tree line just in front of you for any hint of movement or monsters. 
A branch cracks just behind you. A swift sound, followed by rapid footsteps. You stand, quickly turning your head, only to see a figure a few feet away from you. They move quickly and the dancing light of the fire obscures their features from view. Their eyes, most importantly. You can always tell if someone is dead or alive based on their eyes and the sounds that their joints make. In this light, should this stranger have that milky white film over them, you wouldn't be able to tell. 
You make a small noise, something between a whimper and a shout, as the person comes to a stop in front of you and holds a flashlight directly into your face. You squint, panic in your veins as your eyes adjust as best they can to the sudden assault. It takes you a moment to realize that there is a gun pointed directly at your forehead. The living. This person is alive. You're not sure yet if encountering one of the dead would have been worse. 
"Shut up and drop your weapon," he says in a hurried voice. It's aggressive and threatening. It comes from deep in his chest, like somehow fear has gripped and mutilated it into something violent. 
You raise your shaky hands to your head quickly at the order, screwing your eyes shut in the beam of the flashlight. 
"It's not a weapon!" you shout, voice cracking. "It's a spatula. It's a spatula." 
The words are rushed and heavy, fear seizing your chest as you look down the barrel of the gun. The flashlight turns off, sending you back into the dark. Your eyes fight to adjust, catching the firelight that glints off of the barrel, and you begin to makeout the man’s features. He's big, blonde under the grime, you think. A man, not the best thing to encounter alone at night in times like these. 
You see him hesitate for a moment, eyes darting between you and the silver kitchen item in your hand. You drop it quickly, hoping to appeal to his humanity. 
"Do you have a weapon on you?" he questions, voice a little less urgent. 
You shake your head in response and then shakily look beside the chair, choking out the word “ground”. There's a knife there and a pistol with no bullets. You're a poor shot and you had run out of ammo the previous week. He glances at it, the gun still raised at you, and sidesteps to grab the two items. When he does, he cautiously lowers the weapon and you start to lower your trembling hands. 
Then, as if struck by some realization, the man stomps towards the fire and you jump as he does.
"The fuck are you doing lighting a fire this late?" he says angrily, opening the clip of your pistol. "And with no fucking bullets. Those things may be dead, but they can still fuckin' see. That's a good way to get yourself killed." 
He stomps out the fire as he talks, urgently stamping out what's left of the low-burning logs. 
"I didn't think there were many in the area," you justify, furrowing your eyebrows as you step away from him. 
"And that's a risk you want to take?" he says indignantly. You wonder briefly what business he has worrying about you. 
"What do you want?" you snap, "My food? Weapons? Life? What is it?" 
The man scoffs, "Jesus, none of that. I don’t want your shit." 
You narrow your eyes and take a step back. One thing this world has done is remove trust from every chance encounter, and that was already hard enough when the place was sane. 
"Not all people who camp out in the woods are good," he says. "But I sure as shit didn't expect to find someone like you alone lighting a damn fire. Stupid." 
"There were others," you say indignantly, like somehow that makes it better. "Force of habit, I guess." 
The man pauses for a moment as understanding passes between the two of you. It's a relatable feeling. Everyone has lost someone now. 
"Got a name?" he asks. 
You hesitate in giving it to him and the pause causes him to roll his eyes. “You want me to call you Idiot-with-no-bullets instead?” 
You give him your name and the man nods as if he likes the sound of it, turning it over in his head before inhaling. 
"I'm Katsuki," he furrows his eyebrows. "You're alone?" 
You nod, swallowing down the grief that pushes at your throat. 
"Wasn't always," you respond, "but yeah. Now, I am." 
He nods his understanding. 
"Come with me." 
"Where?" you say instinctively, a defensive edge to your voice. Katsuki looks at you as if you’re stupid, or maybe it's pity, like you're a wounded animal. Probably both. 
"Where the fuck do you think?" he retorts. "We've got a camp a little ways from here. I saw your fire from the watch post we have stationed." 
You look at him like he's a little crazy for even thinking to bring you. Kindness, especially the selfless type, is so rare now and you find it difficult to believe that he’s willing to take you there at no cost. 
He scoffs and rolls his head over his shoulder. "Look, we've got men and women," then he pauses. "Used to have children. We're not gonna hurt you. World's gone to shit, do you really wanna keep at it alone?" 
He's probably right. You've been alone for weeks now, exhausted for longer, and though your common sense tells you not to go off with a strange man in this kind of world, the promise of rest is far too tempting. You nod and glance back to your camp. A measly collection of supplies haphazardly put together. You suppose that it doesn’t look so promising. 
"We'll come back for it when it's light," he says. "I don't know about you, but I'd rather not spend longer in these dark ass woods than I have to." 
"Okay," you say. The presence of another person both sets you on edge and makes you feel the press of fatigue even more. A gun's barrel on your nose followed by the promise of safety and you're going with him? You must be stupider than a horror movie protagonist. "Do you take in a lot of strays?" 
Katsuki looks over his shoulder and you think you see him smile a little at the phrase. 
"If that's what you want to call it," he says begrudgingly. Then, with a softer tone of voice, barely noticeable with the quiet whisper you both have been speaking at. "I'm sure the others won't mind one more."
You nod a little and follow him through the wood, stepping over obstacles. Your eyes have adjusted to the dark, but you feel unsteady on your feet. Everything you’ve ever learned about this world tells you that maybe you shouldn’t go with him. What if they’re dangerous? It’s easy to lie about women and children, about a community that doesn’t exist. Or worse, it’s easy to fool yourself that where you are is good, but you don’t know yet if he’s the type to delude himself. He doesn’t seem it. 
The two of you walk for what feels like forever, even if it is only a little over half a mile. Your feet have been aching for days and every step you take feels like a blade into the heel. Katsuki seems steady, his gun secured at his hip and a large knife in his dominant hand. He doesn’t have the flashlight out, but he seems sure-footed and takes every step in stride, as if he’s too heavy to be swayed by any missed step. 
As you move, you can barely make out his back in the white tank top he wears. You use it as a landmark, following the glowing white as it catches the light from the moon. Like chasing a ghost through the trees. 
Then, the wood eases up. The trees grow sparse and the suffocating humidity of the forest eases into a more breathable, open-air breeze. Katsuki steps out into a clearing. It’s relatively small, for how large the world is, but it’s some of the most open space you’ve seen in a while. The feeling of stepping out into the tall grass, where you’re both visible to any wandering thing, sends a rush of fear through you. 
By the edge of the clearing, there’s a small house with a short steeple. It almost looks like a Christian church, but you get the sense that it’s likely a barn. That must be the watchtower and you wonder just how good the view of the forest is from up there if Katsuki managed to see the light of your fire. How many other people had seen your fires over the weeks and not made it out to confront you? How close had you come before to safety or annihilation? 
"Hey!" a girl's voice calls. "He's back!" 
In the near distance, you can see a large and dimly lit house. It looks a little worn down, but soft and hardly noticeable light emanates from it in a way that makes it seem inviting.You can’t make out its exact silhouette and night blurs just how broken-down it is, but you can tell that people live there in the same way you can tell when someone has just left a room. 
Someone runs across the field to you both. It looks like a man and a woman, maybe around Katsuki's age. They move quickly through the tall grass and for a moment, the urgency that they move with frightens you. You worry that your presence will ignite some protective sort of panic. You linger back, letting Katsuki grow a little farther from you as they call out to him. 
“Yeah, yeah," he half-shouts, no longer seeming to care about keeping quiet. Guess that's what happens when there's a group. "I found the fire I mentioned." 
The two come to a stop in front of him, resting their hands on their hips as they catch the breath they lost. 
"We started to get a little worried," says the girl. She's pretty, with big eyes and curly hair that looks like it probably used to be dyed. "You've been gone for a while." 
"Well, I'm back," he says. 
"And you brought a friend," the other man says, sounding shocked. His tone is noticeably kind. The boisterous type of kind and when he smiles, you can see that he has sharp canines. His hair is straight, sticking out in different directions, and tinged with red in this light.
"More like an acquaintance," Katsuki says. “I found them in the woods with a fire and an empty clip. Felt like their blood would be on my hands if I didn’t bring them back.” The red-haired man gives him a telling look and Katsuki scoffs in response and turns to the girl. "Get them settled, Mina, will you?" The girl called Mina nods and Katsuki takes off toward the house without another word. 
"You're lucky," she says, pausing when you flinch as she steps closer. "You're gettin' the last solo room in the place. Kirishima, is it set up?" 
Kirishima shrugs his shoulders. "You'd have to ask Izuku. He'd know all about that, but I can go check." 
Mina shakes her head and turns her attention to you, giving you a quick once over with her eyebrows pulled together.
"You must be tired.” 
When you nod, she gives you an empathetic smile and motions for you to come with her. "We'll fix that. You hungry?" 
"What do you think?" you manage, saliva pooling in your mouth. "Do you have food?" 
"Plenty," she smiles. "not quite enough for leftovers just yet though, don’t tell anyone." 
You smile awkwardly. Who on earth would you tell? 
"Sounds like a good deal," you say. 
You follow Mina up to the house. Around it, there are a few parked cars. They look like they could pull out at any moment, and through the dust covered windows, you can just make out supplies in the back seats as you pass. In the distance, you can see the fuzzy silhouette of the barn you’d assumed was a watchtower in the dark of the field and you figure that maybe it used to be a place to keep livestock. 
Mina doesn't say much to you as you pass through the field, and when you walk into the door, the first thing you notice is a large group of people seated at a dining table. They all look up at you when you enter and it's with a bit of shock that you register their faces as healthy. Well, healthier. These people live well. Something stirs in your chest, both anxiety and excitement at the thought of possibly having found somewhere safe. They blink at you for a moment, exchanging looks that all end up landing on Katsuki. 
"This is the group. Well, most of us," Mina says pleasantly and with a light huff. "That's Izuku, Denki, Ochako, Sero, and you already know the handsome guy on the end there. Kiri's probably checking to see if the room is half decent.." They all greet you with a glad murmur. "Group, this is..." 
She looks at you expectantly. When you tell them your name, you can't help but look at Katsuki who already knows it. He raises his eyebrows unconsciously and turns his attention to the glass in front of him. 
There’s an awkward pause as you stand in the doorway, suddenly conscious of just how dirty you must look. Remnants of an older world, you suppose. No one really worries about things like that anymore.
“Uhm…” you search for something to say, but your people skills seem to have left you. 
“You’re okay,” Mina says lightly. “Plenty of time to get to know you when you’ve rested and had something to eat.” 
Mina sits you down at a chair that she pulls in from the other room. It doesn't match the other ones in the dining room, but you suppose no one is really thinking of the decor in their house anymore. It's only now that you realize the house has electricity.
"You have power?" you say incredulously, looking at the center light in the dining room on its low setting. 
"Mhm," Mina hums as she sits down next to you and spoons a helping of vegetables onto your plate. "It's got a generator. We got lucky finding this place. I don't think many of us would be alive if we hadn't." 
Those listening in the group nod their affirmation. 
"It draws from well water too," she adds. "With the right care, the place practically runs on its own. Hard work but what isn't nowadays?" 
“Like you do any of the heavy lifting," Sero scoffs across from her.
"That's not fair," Katsuki adds with a slick smirk, "you know damn well none of our vegetables would be so well socialized if she didn't use them like a damn diary all day." 
The group laughs a little and Mina rolls her eyes and sits back in the chair. You avoid looking at anyone, shoveling the food into your mouth. You’re salivating an almost embarrassing amount, struggling to eat at a normal pace. There’s something about food cooked inside, about the way food tastes when you can smell it wafting in from the kitchen. 
"Don't worry," she turns to you, as if you’re at all concerned with the implication that she doesn’t do much work, "they know we’d hardly have vegetables at all if it weren't my job to tend them. I used to garden quite a bit before all of this." 
Sero tosses her a sideways glance and you get the sense that maybe it isn’t just her doing it. 
"Mina does a lot of the garden stuff," Ochako pitches in, her voice hesitant. "We all sort of just do what we can." 
You can’t really keep up with the conversation and instead just blink at her for a moment before turning back to your food. Maybe that’s rude, but you don’t have the energy to consider it. There’s food in front of you. Food that doesn’t taste like it’s been poorly slaughtered or rotting in a cabinet for months. 
The group at the table with you shifts back into what you feel is their normal conversation and you watch them through your peripheral. You can’t relax yet, maybe you never will. Always on watch with your guard up. 
They pass the dishes around the table, plates going from hand to hand over mismatched sets of silverware. The action feels strange to you. Your chest squeezes at the thought. Just a few weeks ago, you’d done this around a fire with the people you loved. You’d passed a too-hot-to-touch pot around a circle of friends, laughing quietly at the little moments of joy you could find. It feels far away now and jealousy rouses beside hope as you sit. 
“So, where did you come from?” Izuku at the end of the table asks. 
It takes you a moment to realize that he’s talking to you and there’s an edge to his voice that has everyone at the table sitting up with curiosity. You stare at him for a moment, exhausted and defeated and unable to muster the words. 
“Leave them be,” Katsuki says, looking up from his plate. “They just got here. They’re probably freaked out.” 
The table goes a little quiet, a hush falling over it. You look around as glances are exchanged before Mina stands up quickly and quietly claps her hands together. 
“I think,” she says with an awkward laugh, “it may be time for bed.” 
Mina turns to you. “I’ll show you where you can sleep.” 
You nod, standing up and turning to the group with furrowed eyebrows. You want to thank them, to tell them that you’re grateful for the meal and their kindness, but the words don’t come. Instead, you meet Katsuki’s gaze, grateful for the intervention, but suspicious at such forthcoming kindness. He scoffs a little and turns away. 
“It’s just up here,” Mina says as she guides you through the house.
You pass rooms with their doors ajar. They are lived in, with unmade beds and glasses of clean water on nightstands. It’s like something out of a life gone by, with a few less amenities. You can imagine a family moving through this house. Girls in school uniforms calling through the halls about a stolen hair clip. Now, you picture these people doing that. Living and not just surviving.
“The bathroom is across the hall,” she says. “You can take a shower if you want. I’ll leave a towel and some clothes in there just in case.”  
You nod. 
“No worries if you don’t,” Mina adds in a whisper. “When I first met everyone, I didn’t undress to bathe for days so… take your time. We won’t be offended.” 
She shuts the door behind her when she leaves and you stumble back onto the bed, shocked by just how soft it feels after spending weeks on the floor. It’s not much, but it’s nicer than anything you’ve experienced in the last nine months, and there's a working shower. You haven’t had a shower since everything fell apart and the layer of grime on your skin is so thick that you can feel it. You haven’t felt safe enough to properly wash since you’d lost the rest of your group, only stopping to rinse your body in streams you pass if the thought occurred to you. The idea of running water and a shower is near euphoric. 
You probably shouldn’t. It may not be wise to shower tonight. You still don’t know these people or what they’re capable of, but the temptation of being clean is too great and as soon as you hear Mina close the bathroom door and walk away, you hurry across the hall on the balls of your feet. 
The bathroom looks old and the sink is white porcelain, eggshell now with a lack of care. The shower has a bathtub in it and though it’s cloudy, there’s a mirror over the sink where you catch the first clear glimpse you’ve had of yourself in weeks. 
You don’t know who you’re looking at. The person in the mirror is nearly unrecognizable. Their eyes are wide and frightened, wild like an animal’s, and their face is covered in a layer of grime that looks like it can never be washed out. Their hair is unruly, sticking out in some areas and matted down with blood in others. This is a person you’ve never seen or met before. Someone you would have avoided only a year ago if you’d ever encountered them. 
You reach up to touch your face, running your hand over the dried blood that has made a home on the underside of your jaw. How long has it been there? Have you always looked so unwell? So sick in mind and body? The promise of a shower grows unbearably pleasant. 
The knob squeaks when you turn it, screeching as the pipes hum and clang to life. Water spits out in a few bursts before raining down from the faucet and hitting the back of the tub in a steady thrum. It sounds a little bit like music to you, constant and heavy, and it gives the impression of normalcy as you begin undressing. 
The fabric of your clothes sticks to your skin, peeling from your body in an unbearable and disgusting way. You don’t look at your body in the mirror. In fact, you avoid it entirely. Not recognizing your face was enough, but your body—a part of yourself you never really recognized—would drive you over the edge. 
Then, you pull the shower curtain back and stick your hand under the water, stepping into it fully with a deep sigh. The water is lukewarm. They probably turned off the heater to conserve power and allow the main generator to function for longer. That’s fine. Beggars can’t be choosers and everyone is a beggar nowadays. Besides, it’s warm enough outside that the water isn’t too cold as it is. In the winter, you probably wouldn’t be able to shower and the pipes might freeze entirely until the following spring. 
There’s a normalcy that you settle into as you wash your body. You return to muscle memory, running your hands over your skin and scrubbing the grime out. It’s simultaneously like the first shower of your life and as if you’ve been doing it every day. You return to a state of pleasant, familiar humanity as you wash away dirt that has built up for weeks. You feel as it pours off of you, see it run down your body onto the porcelain of the tub and swirl down the drain. It’s dirt and dried blood that has been caked onto your skin. You worry that even after washing, it will leave a permanent mark. 
The person in the mirror when you get out of the shower is in stark contrast to the person who went into it. They’re someone that you recognize. You could almost convince yourself that nothing ever changed. Your water-soaked skin is so familiar to you, that you could be getting out of the shower and dressing to go to work. If it weren’t for the look in your eyes, you could have fooled yourself. Something undefinable has changed in you, something that you will carry with you forever. You glance at yourself in the foggy mirror and think that there is no going back. 
The house is quiet when you dry yourself and open the bathroom door. You step across the hall on the balls of your feet, careful not to make any noise, and when you push the bedroom door open, you do a visual sweep to make sure that it’s safe out of habit. 
Your body is exhausted. You are so thoroughly tired that you think you could collapse at any moment, but when you sit down on the bed in your fresh clothes, you find yourself restless. This place is new to you and you’re unsure if the safe feeling is your mind playing desperate tricks on you or the real thing. The lamp by your bed is on, casting a yellow glow across the bedsheets and the dark wood furniture. Come to think of it, you didn’t get a good look at the house when you came in and the thought starts to bother you as you stare at the closed door to the hallway. 
Someone could be behind it. They could be waiting for you to lay down, to sleep, before doing something awful. You almost feel guilty for thinking this way about them. They’ve fed you, given you a shower, given you fresh clothes. Luxuries you weren’t sure even existed anymore, yet you’re sitting here doubting them, wishing you had your pistol or knife.
The bedroom door creaks as you open it. You wince, nervous that you’ve disturbed the quiet peace of the house and that everything will come crashing down as quickly as it seemed to come together. The hallway is dark, save for some light coming from under two doors at the end of the hall. One of them turns out as you creep past it to the stairs, and you hear the distinct sound of box springs squeaking as someone crawls into bed. You let go of the breath you’d been holding, straightening up as you relax into the late-night environment. 
The house looks old even from the inside. It gives the impression of having once been dirty and in near disrepair. There are dust stains and dull spots that no amount of scrubbing could get out. You can almost picture how this place may have looked when they found it and it’s entirely possible that it had been abandoned before the actual outbreak. Someone run out of their home for lack of money. What a trivial thing now. 
The stairs are sturdy, probably held together so well by the foundation of the house, and they’re made of dark wood. They’re steep too, the kind that a baby or old person might trip over, and you hold the railing to calm the shaking of your legs as you slowly feel your way down. You can see the light on in the kitchen from around the corner, spreading out onto the floor of the old fashioned drawing room. Dishes clink in the kitchen, like someone is washing them, and you jump a little at the noise as you creep around the corner. 
Kirishima is standing at the sink with his back to you, whispering something to someone beside him. The expanse of his back is broad, moving every time he goes to run his hand over the dish in front of him. Then, he turns to look at you and you see Mina pop her head around the corner. 
“Oh,” Kiri says, “did you need something?” 
You shake your head. “Not really, I just couldn’t sleep.” 
Kiri nods sympathetically as if he knows the feeling. “Well, you look like you feel a little better at least.” 
You pad over to where he’s doing the dishes and Mina offers you a soft smile and a knowing look. It all seems so normal. Doing the dishes, whispering quietly as they do. Something about it screams a kind of humanity you haven’t experienced in a long while, even with your last group. 
“Are you sure we can’t get you something?” Mina says, furrowing her brows. 
“Why are you all being so nice to me?” You ask. “You don’t know the first thing about me.” 
“Is there some reason why we shouldn’t be nice to you?” Kiri says over his shoulder. 
“No,” you shake your head. “I just think it’s reckless, that’s all. I could have been anyone.” 
Kirishima and Mina exchange a look. They glance at each other, like they’re debating on saying something, and then Kiri turns and rests his palms on the back of the sink. He looks at Mina. 
“We don’t usually decide to do this so quickly,” she admits. “We’re friendly, but nobody’s that friendly anymore.” 
Kiri nods his agreement and you listen quietly, trying to determine if they plan to toss you back out into the woods in the morning. 
“But, Katsuki doesn’t usually bring people in,” she continues. 
“He’s a little more closed off than the rest of us,” Kirishima adds. “He’s a good guy, just takes a while to warm up, is all.” 
“Mhm,” Mina says. 
“What does that have to do with me?” you ask. “This is nice and all, but I’m sure you get why I’m wary.” 
“He’s a good judge of character,” Kiri adds earnestly. “He doesn’t bring people in often, but when he does, he’s usually right.” 
You nod, not quite understanding. Sure, you don’t plan to do anything terrible. In fact, you’re content to accept their kindness and stay, if they’d let you. Anything is better than being alone, but their blind trust in one man’s judgment of character makes you uneasy. 
“He was alone for a really long time,” Mina adds. “A lot of us were. I got lucky meeting Kirishima early on, but Katsuki’s luck was a little less fortuitous.” 
“So you all just… happened upon each other by chance?” You ask. 
“Yeah, pretty much,” Mina says. “It was me and Kiri for a long time. Just the two of us. We’d found Izuku and Katsuki together a while later, but they didn’t seem to like each other all that much. We still haven’t really figured that out, especially because they’re so close now. Ochako and Sero ended up cornered together by accident. We found them just before we found this place, and Denki just sort of showed up here one day and promised to fix the generator in exchange for safety. That was months ago. We’ve been like this since.”
“So you’re all strays,” you say and Mina laughs a little and looks at Kiri. 
“Sure,” she says. “We’re all strays. There were others too. Shoji. Jirou. She was Denki’s girlfriend.” 
“I’m sorry,” you say with a frown. It feels pointless to apologize for the dead, if you get caught up in it, you’d be apologizing forever. 
“Don’t be,” Kiri adds. “But best not to bring her up. It was pretty recent and Denki’s only just started to get over it.” 
You swallow thick and nod a little. 
“Anyway,” Mina says, “we can’t really explain it. We just trust him. We trust Katsuki. That’s all.” 
“Hm,” you hum, understanding that to a degree. 
You trusted the people in your group. If they believed in someone, you were willing to as well, so you suppose you can understand a little where they’re coming from. 
“What are you talking about,” Katsuki rounds the corner, walking into the kitchen and putting his water bottle under the sink. 
“Nothing really,” Mina says. 
Katsuki furrows his eyebrows and then looks at you. He gives you a once over, taking in your new clothing before scoffing lightly. 
“Don’t you look cozy,” he says. “You get settled?” 
“When can I go get my stuff?” You ask. 
“Someone’s eager,” he says through lightly gritted teeth. “Didn’t I tell ya we could go in the morning? Besides, what’s there really to miss in that lot of junk?” 
“Katsuki!” Mina quietly chides. 
“I have things I care about there,” you say. “Things I’m not ready to lose.” 
Katsuki blinks at you for a second before swearing under his breath. “We’ll leave when you get up in the morning.” 
“You don’t have to come with me,” you say, frowning a bit at his sour attitude. 
“Like hell,” he scoffs. “What if the dead are waiting back there for you?” 
“I made it this far on my own,” you respond. 
Katsuki nods for a second. “I’m going. Come find me in the morning.” 
He walks off and around the corner. You hear him go up the stairs, followed by the distinct click of a bedroom door shutting. 
“Don’t pay too much attention to that,” Mina says. “It’s past his bedtime.” 
“You’ll get used to him,” Kiri adds. 
“Right,” you say, swallowing down your frustration in favor of trying to be appreciative of the help. You sway on your feet a little and then steady yourself. “I’m going to go to sleep. Thank you for the meal and the bed.” 
Mina and Kiri nod, but you don’t stick around to hear a response. Fatigue creeps up on you. It ambushes your senses and you go from feeling dream-like to delusional in a matter of moments. You make your way up the stairs, your body feeling heavy as lead, and wobble your way into the bedroom they’re letting you stay in. 
When your head hits the pillow, you’re out. The world around you fades to dark and just before you sleep, you swear that you can hear the sounds of cars passing on the highway. A busy night, Saturday maybe, and people go about their daily lives outside of the window the way that they always have. They live, never the wiser to just how quickly things fall apart and how little it takes for our humanity to leave us. 
— 
Mornings in this place are boisterous. The sun coming through the lone window in your room wakes you up and you can hear the calls of busy people getting to work outside. There are voices from the porch out front that your window looks over and though you can’t see them, you get the sense that they’re having a pleasant conversation. 
As you rouse, you come to the realization of just how exhausted you’d really been. They probably saved your life by bringing you to this place, feeding you, and offering you a bed. In hindsight, it’s easy to see just how little you had left in you. You get the sense now that you’d been running on an empty tank for days, slowly coming to an inglorious, gruesome, sputtering stop. 
Things seem a little clearer, like the sunlight is somehow less bleak than it had been the days previous and you feel a little bit like you have a new lease on life. There are no big emotions, no swells of hope or humanity just yet, and you dread the moment you are rested enough to let grief consume you. Right now, you can’t feel it, but there is a fear in you that as you get to know these people who live relatively beautifully in an ugly world, it will weigh you down so much that you’ll never be able to outrun it. 
You wonder if they’ll let you stay. They very well may not, even with the way they were talking last night. Strangers are more dangerous than they’ve ever been and if they ask you whether or not you’ve killed someone, you refuse to lie to them. Sitting up on the bed, you mull over the very real possibility that you could be back out there on your own again in a matter of days and you don’t even have that many good acts under your belt to plead your case. You’re just a person and you’ve done what you needed to in order to survive. Now, you’re not sure if that’s enough. 
You swallow thick, wandering over to the mirror on the dresser. It’s fogged, though less than the bathroom mirror, and you can make out your features a little better than you could last night. You feel a bit more sane, though you still don’t recognize the frightful and distrustful look in your eyes. Like a wounded animal. Inside your head, you acknowledge that you are completely different from the person you were two hundred and seventy seven days ago. 
The voices grow louder as you climb down the stairs, more secure on your feet than you felt last night. You can hear them talking about the generator, as well as a name you don’t recognize. 
“He should be back by now,” a woman says. “Shoto’s never gone longer than a day or two, max.” 
“We shouldn’t jump to conclusions,” another woman says with a worried bite in her voice. Mina, maybe? “We’re only a few hours into the day. He probably got holed up somewhere.” 
“Someone needs to go look for him,” a man says.
“And what? Risk getting yourself killed?” the first woman says. “No, it doesn’t make sense. We need you here.” 
“You’d rather we leave him to die on his own?” 
“No one’s fuckin’ dying.” 
You recognize Katsuki’s voice. 
“He’s perfectly capable of going on a gasoline run,” he continues. “He’s done it before.” 
“I should have gone with him,” says the same woman. 
“On that leg? You wouldn’t have made it halfway to town, let alone there and back,” his voice raises a little. “Don’t be stupid. He’ll be back.” 
You clear your throat and step around the corner. The group turns to face you quickly at the sound, their eyes wide for a moment before relaxing. You can’t sneak up on anyone nowadays. 
“Sorry,” you say, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Is everything okay?” 
It’s not your business, but you ask anyway, wondering for yourself about the safety of Shoto. 
“Fine,” Izuku says, shaking his head. You recognize him to be the one who'd vouched for going after their friend. Katsuki takes a step away from the broad man as he says this. “Nothing for you to worry about. Did you rest?” 
Izuku smiles gently at you, his chest inflating a little at the question. The movement broadens his shoulders and you realize that he stands almost a head taller than Katsuki. You look briefly between the two of them before nodding. 
“I did,” you say. “Thank you.” 
“Nothing wrong with a little hospitality now and then,” he smiles and you can’t help but furrow your eyebrows at the distinct hesitance in his voice. 
“I don’t think we’ve met,” the woman standing across from Izuku says. “I’m Momo. Sorry I wasn’t there to meet you last night. I’ve been a little under the weather.” 
You introduce yourself to her and glance down at her leg. Her ankle is swollen and wrapped in a bandage. Her sneaker laces are untied at the top to make room for the swelling and you can see that she’s guarding that side of her leg. 
“Is it…?” you grimace, taking an instinctive step away from her. You almost feel bad for it, but sometimes good people make bad decisions when loved ones get bit. 
“No,” she says quickly, “no, it isn’t. Caught an edge in an old chain link fence on the property a couple days back.” 
Momo smiles slightly at you as if to reassure you. She’s really beautiful, with thick dark hair pulled back into a somewhat messy ponytail. Her eyes are bright, like she’s engaged in lively conversation, and you find yourself feeling a little sad for her. She’ll need medicine soon, if they can get it. Infections set in easily these days and you get the sense that even she knows that she may not have long without it. Maybe that’s something else their friend Shoto set out to find. 
“I assume you’ll be wanting to go get your supplies?” Katsuki says, cutting the conversation short. Maybe he could sense the sour turn of thoughts. 
“Ready when you are,” you respond with a nod. 
Katsuki glances at Izuku, who gives him a slightly disapproving look. 
“Someone get them something to eat,” Katsuki says. “...I’ll get my shit ready.” 
“Fig jam…” Mina mumbles as she motions for you to follow her to the kitchen. 
You oblige her, not exactly jumping to turn down a meal. She walks you into the kitchen and opens up a cabinet, where she pulls out a jar filled with a dark and seed filled paste. It’s a jam, sealed in a jar that looks older than what’s inside of it. The seal breaks open with a pleasant pop. 
“This stuff is so good,” she says to you over her shoulder, pulling out a package of crackers that have likely gone stale. “You won’t believe it.” 
She spreads the jam on a few crackers and sets it in front of you on a plate, pushing it across the counter towards you. 
“It’s fig jam,” she says with a smile. “Homemade.” 
You look down at the plate, your mouth watering at the prospect of something sweet like this. It’s been so long since you've had fresh jam. It could be as long as 10 years. You don’t think you’ve had it since you were a kid, when jam came easily and you preferred the processed brands at the supermarket to the ones your mom used to make sometimes. 
You raise the cracker to your mouth and stuff it in with little grace. The sweetness spreads across your tongue as soon as you bite into the stale cracker. It fizzes and pops almost, the sugar melting across your tongue as the seeds crack softly between your teeth. The smile that hits your face is completely involuntary and though you know that nine months ago, this jam wouldn’t have been much, today it is something extraordinary. 
Mina nods a kind of girlish agreement, like the way people used to when they had their friend try something at their favorite restaurant. 
“We got here in the fall. I want to say late October or early November?” she offers. “We were starving and there wasn’t enough food to feed all of us. By that time there were like… nine of us.” 
You listen as you eat your crackers. 
“This place was in such an awful state,” she laughs. “I mean, really terrible. But, it was big and there was a fig tree in the back. A little thing, probably only a few years old and it had fruit on it. We ate so many of them that if the world were normal, we’d have sworn off of them forever. When we realized that the house actually had some old food in it,” she interrupts herself “-nothing good, canned stuff mostly- we decided to jar up the rest of the figs so that they didn’t rot.” 
She smiles at you like it’s a pleasant memory, but you can only think about how hungry they must have been. Your stomach growls as you eat. 
“I know it doesn’t sound like much,” she says, “but for some reason it’s a really nice memory. Honestly, we’re lucky we didn’t die.” 
Mina laughs a little. 
“I mean,” she continues, “we didn’t even clear the area before we started pulling at the figs and throwing them into our mouths.” 
You tilt your head at her and furrow your eyebrows with a small smile. 
“You’re really forthcoming with information.” 
“You just seem a little hesitant, is all,” she answers. 
“Can you blame me?” 
Mina shrugs her shoulders but doesn’t really offer an answer. You assume it’s because she can’t, because Mina has the same doubts everyone carries with them in this world. All of the what ifs people would think about before they slept have become more prevalent than anyone would have ever liked. 
“The jam is good,” you say, trying to be friendly in the same way she is. “Even if it is months old.” 
“Things keep well in jars,” Mina defends softly, smiling a little as she gets another out of you. 
This place feels like a little slice of paradise. A blessing from whoever lived here before and kept a garden stocked with vegetables. From someone who lived in an old house with stables and well-water, who kept canned food past its expiration date. It feels almost too good to be true, like these people live in a bubble bound to pop. 
“You ready?” Katsuki thuds into the kitchen with an empty backpack slung over his shoulder. 
You turn, startled by his sudden appearance and nod as you quickly finish chewing the last cracker. Katsuki furrows his eyebrows as he watches the way you scarf it down. 
When you stand from the table, Katsuki turns on his heel to make for the front door and you follow with a light step. Mina says something about staying safe, but you don’t respond, glancing once over your shoulder at the girl. 
It’s strange, the world has made you wishy-washy and uncommitted. You never used to be like that, never so distrusting as to second guess someone’s kindness the moment your back is turned to them, and you’re certainly not the type to be friendly one moment and closed off the next. Now though, you find that doubt creeps in easily through cracks and any foundation that didn’t exist before, seems to be swallowed before you can finish building it. 
Katsuki leads you back across the small clearing you’d come through the night before. It looks different in the day, almost romantic, and it lacks any of the ominous feeling it had the previous evening. He steps over mounds in the dirt from moles and gophers that have made lawns their new home and you try to mimic his steps, sinking occasionally into a particularly soft patch of dirt. Every now and then, Katsuki glances behind him to check that you’re still there and you offer him a forced smile that he never returns.
You catch up to him when you hit the trees, sticking close at his side like something will come and take you away if you’re not. It’s unintentional, but you don’t have a weapon on you. Your knife is back at your makeshift camp, along with the unloaded pistol and your trusty spatula. 
“How do you know where we’re going?” You ask in a whisper. 
Katsuki tosses a look at you over his shoulder. “I’m good with directions.” 
His tone is clipped, like he’s pissed about something, and your expression sours at it. Sure, you get it but it irritates you to some small degree. You hadn’t asked him to come along. In fact, you’d have been fine getting back here to collect your stuff on your own. You’d have asked for a knife and set out without a second thought, if only because being alone in the woods with some guy was less preferable than doing it by yourself. Of course, some guy also probably saved your life, but you’re not quite ready to relinquish your trust completely. 
“Thanks for coming,” you decide. A peace offering. 
Katsuki doesn’t answer and you furrow your brows a little bit. You wonder if he’s always been like this or if the end of the world brought on the loss of his manners. 
Then, he stops, taking you by the arm and pulling you down beside a bush. You gasp and he puts his hand over your mouth to silence you. There’s the urge to bite him, to catch the fleshy bit connecting his thumb and pointer finger between your teeth and bite down till he bleeds, but you stop when you catch what he’s looking at. 
Two of the living dead crouch by a tree, clicking their tongues as they eat something just out of sight. You furrow your eyebrows, eyes widening at the horror of it. For some reason, seeing them always brings about a round of momentary shock. You’ve yet to let go of the hounding thought that they used to be people and sometimes have to reorient yourself to the world you’re in now. 
You catch Katsuki’s eye behind you, his calloused hand still clasped over your mouth, and nod your head. It’s a silent communication that you’ve seen what he has and he removes his palm from your face to grab a knife tucked into his belt, passing it to you quickly. 
The two infected haven’t noticed the two of you yet, but they will soon, if only by the smell of your flesh which has yet to rot. You hear Katsuki let out a breath, as if to calm his heart, and do the same. There’s time to look at them like this and you’re struck by how human you can pretend they are in your head. Well, you suppose they were human once, now they’re a disease using someone’s skin as a mask. 
Infected people aren’t quick, that’s one thing to be grateful for. Back when the outbreak first started, the CDC had released information on what to look out for in those who might have contracted the virus. The first was obviously a bite wound from another infected person, but you can tell from other symptoms. Early symptoms are average. Body aches, fever, lethargy, and delirium. All things you might see with a nasty flu. Then, infection of the wound site, twitching, foggy eyes—like low-grade cataracts—that develop within a matter of hours or days, severe disorientation, aversion to food, insomnia, with the final symptom being a coma that no one ever wakes up as themselves from. 
These are the symptoms that people are conscious for. The ones they feel. The sickness that people tried to nurse others back from. There is no coming back though, not alive at the very least. The virus attacks the nerves throughout the brain and body, that’s what causes the twitching and convulsions. It’s what ultimately kills us, and it's what they think causes the bodies to come back. 
Most infected will crack when they move. It’s the cartilage breaking down as the bones grind together and crack as they’re weakened from the marrow out. They twitch like rabid animals, unable to keep masterful control of their bodies because they are run like puppets from the brain stem. You don’t know if they think. If somehow the people they used to be are still in there, unable to stop themselves from consuming and spreading the virus to others. All you really know is that they twitch and click, functions of the brain that still remain. Tiny impulses sent through the synapses. You imagine it to be like the way you twitch when you sleep, an arm here or a leg there, the way someone might call out with their voice to a room with no one in it. 
Maybe the infected think they’re dreaming. A nightmare that they never wake up from, like those of us who have to put them down. You could see it as a mercy from that perspective. You have an easier time rationalizing putting a knife in someone’s skull if you convince yourself that they’re silently begging for it. 
Katsuki shifts his weight and looks at you. He mouths the words no guns and you nod, briefly wondering where the fuck he thinks you could have gotten a gun from. 
Then, you kick off and run with Katsuki towards the infected. They don’t really have time to begin moving towards you both. You’re faster than them, but you hear the crack of their legs as they stand from their crouched positions, pulled in at the idea of their next meal.
Katsuki takes the farther one, sinking the knife into the soft spot of its temple with relative ease. You switch yourself off and take the one closest only a few moments later, sending your blade through the top of its skull. That happens to you when you have to do this. You turn yourself off for a bit, just so that you don’t have to remember the way it feels to hit the soft part of someone’s brain. You didn’t used to do that, only starting when you realized that there’s no going through this world anymore without it. 
Katsuki wipes the blood on his pants. It’s brown, no longer oxygenated, and the area around you begins to reek. You notice, but for some reason the smell of decomposition doesn’t register in your brain and you continue on behind him. 
There are a few beats of silence, save for twigs breaking under your feet, before Katsuki speaks up. 
“You okay?” It’s barely above a whisper and you wouldn’t have caught it were you not listening for the distinctive crack of human bones. 
“Yeah,” you say, continuing forward. 
The campsite rounds into view and in this light, with your full night’s sleep under your belt, you can see just how pitiful it looks. A tent that you’d hastily put up before nightfall, the remains of your stamped out fire, the folding chair which has since been knocked over, and your weapons on the floor covered by a few leaves disturbed by the wind. 
You snatch them up and move to grab your backpack out of the tent. The inside is shitty too and your torn sleeping bag hadn’t even been rolled out yet. You pick up the bag, returning to the folding chair as Katsuki begins to take down the tent. The polyester and nylon blend zips together as he makes quick work of folding it. Then, he kicks some dry brush over the remains of the fire, like he’s covering your tracks. 
“The next person that comes through here might not be alone,” he says plainly. “And they may have more bullets than you did.” 
“Right,” you respond. Your voice sounds a little far off and you settle your backpack on your shoulder in one quick motion. 
“Got everything?” 
You nod, following him as he heads out in the direction you both came from. The two of you pass the bodies of the infected you’d killed. The smell has permeated the air, lingering like how it does in cities, only less pungent. Their fogged eyes stare blankly at nothing, expressions plain and unreadable. You pass and try not to think much about it. 
Katsuki is a few feet ahead of you and he doesn’t glance back to make sure you’re following. You could leave now and never get attached to these people. You could head off in another direction and never have to think twice about it. No more worrying about who you could lose, about who’s next to become one of the sick masses. Just you by yourself. Then, when you finally kick the can, someone else can put you down the way you did to those strangers. 
Is there really a point to it anymore? To community or living in general. No one is as they once were. Does that make it fantasy to live in their beautiful bubble? Could you even find it in yourself to pretend again, to make nice and play house in that place? They saved your life, sure. They fed you, clothed you, bathed you, but for what point? Tomorrow, you could end up back in the woods, lighting fires with twigs you found in the brush, paranoid that someone would find you or the fire would spread. 
You watch Katsuki’s back as he moves, shoulders shifting with each step. His shirt is stained, white turned eggshell from the wear and tear of time. It seems so off to you that he looks relatively clean, like he lives well. 
Fear strikes you as you realize that your rambling thoughts have merit. Anything you fear now has become real and loss is so tangible to you that you can squeeze it in your hand. They could turn you out. Tomorrow night you could begin the starve and step all over again, moving from place to place, talking to yourself, filling your hours with paranoid thoughts like these that plague you when you’re alone. Is that worse than loss? If you’re alone long enough, you’d probably forget what you’re missing. Losing anyone else could make the wound fresh. For now, the hunger wins out. 
Katsuki jogs ahead of you to get to the house. Momo is on the porch waving him in and he hurries up the steps and bursts through the front door. As you approach, you can hear voices, some of which are relieved, others hurried. When you enter the room, you find a man standing there whom you’ve never seen before, Shoto maybe. 
“A plus one,” the man looks up, tilting his head at you in an odd way. 
“Katsuki’s,” Kiri says with a low smirk. 
Shoto’s eyes widen as he peers at his friend, clutching what looks like an injured shoulder. Katsuki just huffs his irritation. 
“Well, that’s rare,” Shoto says. 
“What’s rare?” Katsuki spits. “They were in the woods with a fire. What was I supposed to do? Let ‘em die?” 
“Maybe,” Shoto says, a light smile creeping onto his features. Then, he turns to you. “What’s your name?” 
You give it to him and he nods his head, tilting it at you again. 
“How long are you staying?”
You’re not sure how to answer that question. In fact, no one is, and it feels like more of a test than it does a genuine inquiry. Kiri and Mina exchange a glance and Katsuki tosses a somewhat dirty look towards Shoto. Ochako gives Shoto a knowing glance and Sero and Denki shift uncomfortably on their feet. Then, Momo clears her throat, spurring Izuku to say something. 
“Shoto,” he says. “You’re probably hungry, you should eat something and lay down. Ochako? Could you take a look at his shoulder?” 
“Sure,” the girl says softly, giving a closed mouth smile to Shoto as she takes him by the arm. 
She glances at you as she passes, almost like she’s too embarrassed to look at you fully in the face. You suppose this is what happens when people are forced to think about whether or not they will potentially leave someone else to die. It’s like the trolley cart question and though in this case there is always the possibility of a better outcome, it’s not likely in this world. 
“Just until I’m rested,” you add with a small tilt of your head. “A few days.” 
Shoto looks at you over his shoulder and gives you a small smile. It’s funny, you can see kindness there. His actions aren’t kind, but you can feel that he has kindness in him, though his rudeness stems from something different than Katsuki’s, you think. Like he’s strange in some way. 
“I’ll start on dinner,” Sero says. “Kiri, give me a hand.” 
The group disperses and you head upstairs without speaking to anyone else. A few days to rest and then cut the first people you’ve spoken to in weeks loose. What sort of idiot gives up something like this to avoid a little awkwardness? Not that you necessarily had your mind made up. You wonder briefly if you’ve just sealed your own tomb. 
After dinner, you go upstairs to sleep after eating as much as they would offer you. Your stomach has ceased its constant growling and the shakiness that comes with hunger has receded almost entirely into the background. The bed is soft, with a slight dent in it from whoever slept in here before. The thought unsettles you that they’re probably dead now, but you try to push it from your mind as you steel yourself for what comes within the next few days. 
You had volunteered yourself to leave. To what? Save yourself the embarrassment of pleading? Did you even want to plead? Why are you regretting not asking to stay? These people don’t know you, what trust can you have built with them in only a few days? Your skin crawls at the expanse of possibilities in front of you after so many weeks without any. 
You think that if you let yourself walk away, you’ll probably die. You’re out of bullets and don’t know where to find any food except by luck. You can try to catch prey, but prey hides whenever infected are around, and they’re everywhere nowadays. It’s spring, water wouldn’t be a problem, but running water has its clear comforts. Then, there’s the possibility of loss. You’d come to care for these people if you stayed, you know it. 
You furrow your eyebrows and look at the ceiling. There’s really no choice to be made. You’ll let them make it for you, even if you don’t know them. It’s their house and you won’t walk in uninvited or try to take it. You’re not about to become a monster just because the world is full of them now.
The darkness grows and your eyes drift to the dim light wandering in under the crack of the door. Hushed voices whisper in the living room, you can hear them. It’s a heated discussion, lively, but deliberately quiet. It’s been hours since everyone went to bed, yet you get the impression that many people are chiming in. You’re too nosey to leave it be. 
You open the bedroom door silently, turning the cool knob with a wince as it clicks out of place. When you peer into the hallway, every upstairs bedroom door is open with the room empty. The light is coming from down stairs and around the corner, and you can see shadows move as you inch closer to the source. 
You pause at the top of the stairs, knowing that they creak, and crouch by the bannister to listen. You’re out of sight. The only way they’d know you’re listening is if you made a sound, but you won’t. You’re good at being quiet. 
“We don’t even know them,” someone says in a rushed whisper. “We don’t know what they’ve done before.” 
“Everyone’s done things they’re not proud of now, Shoto,” a woman adds. It’s Mina. She’s spoken enough to you that you recognize her voice. 
“I agree with Shoto,” says another woman, her voice higher pitched. She sounds guilty and her voice is tight as she speaks “We have no clue who they are. They could be dangerous.” 
“You mean like me, Ochako?” A man adds. “I could have been dangerous.” 
The group grows quiet for a moment. 
“No,” Momo says. You recognize the cadence of her voice. “Shoto might be right, Denki. It’s been nearly six months since you got here and the world has changed a lot. We don’t- we can’t know for sure.”
“Can we really know anything for sure?” Another man adds, Kiri.
“What about you guys?” Shoto says, presumably to the rest of the group. 
“I don’t know.”
“I’m hesitant, but I don’t know either.”  
“Jesus,” another man with a baritone voice, harsher than the rest. That’s Katsuki, the first voice you’d heard of the group. “You guys make me a little sick.” 
“That’s not fair,” Ochako says. 
“No,” he interrupts. “It is fair. You guys want to… what? Send them back out there to die?” 
“It’s not like that,” Shoto says.  
“It is like that,” he says, raising his voice and then lowering it back to a whisper. “You didn’t see them when they got here, Shoto. They- they didn’t look… shit. The rest of you, you saw them. You really want to send them back out there to fuckin’ waste away? I don’t know about you all, but I won’t do that to a person.” 
There’s a pregnant pause.
“Katsuki’s right,” Izuku says with a bit of conviction, like he’s finally made up his mind. “Sending someone out there alone is a death sentence. How does doing that make us any better than the people we’re trying to protect ourselves from?” 
“What if there are more of them?” Ochako says quietly. “What if they’re not alone?” 
“Trust me,” Katsuki says, “They were alone.” 
“But what if they’re not?” She insists at a whisper, a bit of shame creeping into her voice. “What if people come for us?” 
“See?” Shoto says gently. “There are so many what-ifs.” 
“That works the other way too,” Mina adds. 
You don’t listen to hear the rest of their conversation. They’re going to run themselves in circles debating about you. They’ll go around and around and land on whichever argument ends with the most votes. They’ll convince each other of one thing and it will happen totally out of your control. 
The bedroom door shuts with a low click that makes you wince again. You think about the people who went to bat for you and the people who didn’t. You don’t blame those who opposed. You’d have probably reacted similarly if your old group were still alive and you understand very clearly why they do it. One person’s stupid reaction can be catastrophic and they don’t know enough about you to be certain that you’re not one of those stupid people. It’s how the world went to shit in the first place and though nine months ago you’d have surely condemned someone for making the same decision, you know that fear has warped humanity beyond comprehension. You didn’t get it until you lived it. 
Still, Katsuki’s humanity feels intact somehow, more so than yours at least. His response is something you probably never would have said under the same conditions and you can’t help but feel some sort of fondness bloom in you for him. Call it connection, gratefulness for his willingness to stick his neck out for you, a trauma response. You still feel it. Mina and Kiri had said that Katsuki was a good judge of character and that’s why they were willing to back him. You wonder briefly if maybe Katsuki sees something in you that you don’t recognize in yourself anymore, or maybe something you don’t expect other people to recognize. What is it that he wants so badly to protect? 
Someone stomps down the hallway, heavy boots against the old creaky floors. You hear the steps recede down the hallway, maybe a door or two down, before it shuts quickly. The sound makes you wince and you listen as the house grows quiet and then hums quietly with the sound of others coming upstairs a few moments later. Someone pads to the end of the hall, pushing the door open. 
You hear a woman’s voice, so muffled that you can’t make out what she’s saying. Then, you hear the sound of a man’s affirmation before the bedroom door shuts and the visitor moves back down the hall to a separate bedroom. Information passing through the house. 
Someone is moving around in a room below you and you figure that there are probably bedrooms downstairs as well. From the outside, you’d never guess that the place could house ten people. Inside though, the bedrooms are small. That’s probably why so many can fit. You’d guess that the place used to have multiple generations living in it, or maybe even rented out rooms to people for a few months. It sort of has a boarding house feel to it, like many people have come and gone even before people stopped staying in one place. 
That’s a good thing to call it, the boarding house. It certainly has that sort of feel to it, many of its spaces undeniably communal. 
You turn over in the bed, facing the bedroom door. The lights have gone out completely now and the house is quiet save for the occasional creak or thud from someone preparing to sleep. It’s been a long while since the sounds of living have been so prevalent near you. You’re eased by the sounds of the house settling, a familiar reminder of what living used to be. Your group had been on the road long before you lost them and the comforts of an interior are almost overwhelmingly nostalgic. You’re better rested to notice it now and shutting your eyes, you savor the feeling. 
“Need some help?” You say. 
Denki turns around, grease smeared across his nose where he likely wiped it with his dirty hands. He’s holding a wrench in a glove so tattered that it hardly counts as a glove anymore. He looks startled, amber eyes widening before he uses his forearm to brush stray hairs out of his face. The rest of it is pulled up into a messy ponytail, revealing the moist back of his neck. 
“Oh, sure,” he says, a bit surprised. “Do you know how generators work?” 
He crouches back over the machine and you step up behind him. 
The machine is rusted near the bottom and between the exposed winding pipes. Its paint has chipped away, leaving the weather-damaged metal open for you to see. On the side, a fan-like piece spins slowly in circles and the machine whirs and sputters softly as it… generates power, probably. 
“Not quite, but an extra pair of hands is always helpful,” you say softly, passing him a tool he’d been reaching for. “Did it break?” 
“No,” Denki says, “but it’s probably on its last legs. The thing’s almost as old as we are, probably older, so it’s good to tune it up a bunch.” 
You hum your agreement, tilting your head as you stand and watch him work. 
You’re not necessarily comfortable with Denki, but he feels like a safe person for some reason. Maybe it’s because he’s got a sort of ditzy, non-threatening vibe to him. You can almost distinctly picture him tripping over his own feet and something about that makes you feel considerably safer than someone who wouldn’t. That and he was the first person you’ve come across this morning who you don’t think distrusts you too badly. 
“Are you dodging something?” Denki smirks up at you from his crouch. 
“Who on earth would I be dodging?” you snort a bit defensively. 
“Shoto,” he says with a light smile. “He put you in a tight spot the other day.” 
“Yeah, well,” you say, glancing over your shoulder. “It wasn’t anything he didn’t have a right to ask.” 
“Right, but it sure was rude, huh?” 
Denki laughs to himself a little and you’re surprised by how easygoing he is. You subconsciously begin to categorize him with Mina and Kiri. The dichotomy of this group baffles you a bit, but you can certainly see all nine of them as a collective. Tightly knit and well acquainted with the habits of others. 
“Oh!” He exclaims, “I have something you can do for me.” 
You tilt your head. 
“There’s a bucket over there,” he says, pointing absentmindedly to a shitty plastic bucket against the side of the house. “We use the water from the creek as coolant. It’s not factory grade, but it does the trick. You wanna go fill it up and bring it back for when I’m done tuning this thing up?” 
You furrow your eyebrows, not sure where the creek he’s talking about is. 
“The creek is just over there,” he points behind the house to the edge of the treeline. “I know you can’t see it from here, but if you walk in a straight line, you’ll hit it. Katsuki should be down there too, so you can use him as a landmark.” 
When you don’t immediately answer, Denki whines a little. 
“I mean,” he says, “I’d go myself, but-” 
“I’ll do it,” you laugh a little and Denki seems surprised that you do. 
“Really?” 
“Yeah,” you shrug. “I’d like to pull some weight at least while I’m here. Plus, I offered.” 
Denki mumbles his pleasure and you walk to the bucket without another word and set off in the direction Denki pointed. You’re much more willing to go out to the treeline now that you have a knife back at your side. 
The walk to the trees is longer than it looks, like how sometimes the horizon looks like something you could reach out and climb up onto. The walk stretches with each step you take and you become a little more understanding of why Denki didn’t want to do it himself. But the walk is actually pleasant, the warmth of mid May collecting evenly on your skin as the humidity grows more intense with the sun. 
You wonder what Katsuki would be doing by the creek. Maybe he’s fishing, or crouched over himself sharpening an arsenal of knives that you think he might keep in a roll attached to his belt sometimes. You’re not sure why, but Katsuki sort of has that expression to him. He’s handsome, but the scowl projects something hostile that makes him seem unapproachable. 
As you cross through the middle of the clearing, you could almost imagine that this is a normal day. Humidity collects on your skin, making you sweat a little as you dodge gopher holes and soft spots of dirt. It almost feels like summer camp, if it weren’t for the looming idea that you’re contributing to something you may not be a part of. Denki’s attitude though, has you hoping for a more favorable outcome, if you want to call it that. 
You’re only a few steps into the line of trees when the earth dips into a sand-lined ravine. The trees leave room for the sun to beat down on warmed rocks, making the area seem brighter with their subtle reflection of the light. The noise of the creek drowns out the sound of your footsteps and you shuffle toward where the earth flattens just before the water starts. A little ways to your right, you can see Katsuki sitting on a rock in the sun, his hands dipped into a large bucket. You narrow your eyes as he pulls what looks like a cloth out of the water, rubbing the fabric together before dipping it in the cool water of the creek.
As you approach, you realize what it is that he’s doing. It’s laundry. On the other side of him, you can see a bin of what look like dirty clothes and water-soaked clean ones. Talk about misjudged character. 
“Katsuki,” you say as you approach him, the bucket still empty in your hand.
He squints up at you, shifting his face so that it's in your shadow. 
“You’re still here,” he says plainly, returning to his task. 
“Clearly,” you respond, watching as he runs his fingers over the next piece of clothing in the bucket. 
“Why are you down here? Did Denki pawn the generator water onto you?” He says, like he’s somewhat frustrated. “He does that shit to anyone he can.” 
You shrug your shoulders and continue to stare at him. 
“Are you just gonna stand there?” He huffs out. 
“You’re doing laundry.” 
“Yeah?” he furrows his eyebrows and looks at you. “So?” 
“Nothing,” you say. “I just didn’t expect that.” 
“Yeah well,” he stops for a moment like he’s struggling to find the words. “It needed to be done. Figured I might as well.” 
“How progressive of you,” you joke with a straight face. 
He looks at you out of the corner of his eyes and sighs, not justifying your comment with a response. You find yourself smiling a little bit. 
“If you’re going to linger, sit down and do it,” he says. “You’re creeping me out.” 
You oblige him and sit down on a rock next to him, far enough that you’re not touching, but near enough to hear him if you speak in a low voice. For some reason, you feel a sort of kinship with Katsuki. You’d thought longer than you’d like to admit about his willingness to vouch for you and find that you want to live up to his expectation of your goodness, even if it’s not what you believe yourself to be anymore. Maybe it’s because you’ve slept well the past few nights and feel more like yourself, but there’s a certain casualness to conversing with him that you enjoy. He’s not looking at what you could be, but rather what you’re showing him that you are. His lack of doubt in that is something you find relatively attractive. 
You watch his arms out of the corner of your eye in between gazing at the treeline and the sky. Your field of vision catches on them, his sleeves cut short to expose his biceps, a bit muddied near the elbows where the mud has begun to stick. 
Katsuki doesn’t seem all that bothered by your presence, but now and then you’ll catch the sideways glance he gives you, almost like he’s trying to figure out exactly why you’re lingering. 
“How long have you been with them?” You ask, more as a way to fill the silence. 
Katsuki’s hands pause as he thinks about answering, then, they continue their steady pace. 
“A decent amount of time,” he says. “I met Izuku first, probably in November just before Mina and Kiri. The rest came later.” 
You furrow your eyebrows. 
“No offense,” you start, “but you don’t really seem like the group type.” 
“And you don’t seem like the type who’d be alone,” he retorts, like your statement was stupid. 
You press your lips into a tight line, not really knowing how to respond. 
“Sorry,” he says, shaking his head a little. 
“Were you?” 
“What? Was I sorry?” He furrows his eyebrows at you. 
“No,” you shake your head. “Were you alone? Before Izuku.” 
He goes silent. You’ll take that as a yes, but you regret asking a little. It had just slipped out. If someone were to ask you something like that, you’d probably react the same way. That’s just as well, you don’t really need to know him like that anyway. 
You wonder briefly if anyone does. He seems closed off, but Mina and Kiri spoke about him a few days prior like they knew him well. Well enough at least to allude to a history you’ll likely never be privy to. Then there’s Momo, who whispers little things to him that he answers in kind. Curiosity gets the better of you, if only to tease. 
“Do you have a girlfriend?” you ask and Katsuki’s response is to rest his elbows on his knees and let out a dry laugh. 
He turns his head and looks at you from the side. “And what the fuck are you asking me that for?” 
“Just curious,” you say. “Is it Momo?” 
“Momo?” He makes a sour face at you. “Yeah, right.” 
“She’s pretty,” you say. 
“Sure is,” he responds dryly. “If you’re into the mom type.” 
“What? You’re not into moms?” You grin a little and Katsuki furrows his eyebrows at you. 
“So you do have a personality,” he scoffs a little. 
There’s a pause. You haven’t felt this in a while. The feeling of bonding with someone new, compatibility on the human level that feels nearly instant. 
“I’m kinda serious though,” you say, tilting your head down to catch his eye. “Do you?” 
You’re leaning a little closer to him now.
“You seen any nice restaurants to take a person out to these days?” he questions, clearly a little frustrated with you in the way someone gets when they’re a bit amused. 
“You don’t have to take someone out to a restaurant to fuck them, you know?” You laugh a little. 
Katsuki’s lips part and he swallows like his mouth has gone dry. 
“Yeah, well,” he starts, looking away from you. “I’m a romantic. Sue me.” 
He’s just full of surprises, isn’t he? You find that you’re captivated by this feeling, this humanity, that exists in him. It’s something alive between you both, something left behind from the old world, and you crave it the same way you crave food. 
Katsuki continues scrubbing the clothes, rubbing the fabric together and then dunking it in the bucket before plunging it into the freshwater creek. You’re not sure why you do it, but the next time he looks at you, you kiss him. 
It’s not as if you like him, but it’s something to feel. Some remnant of the butterflies you used to feel on dates and the kiss makes you feel like you could be close to human again. You pull away almost as soon as you put his lips to yours and you can tell that the expression on your face is one of surprise.
Katsuki blinks for a second, looking at you with his brows knitted together. The expression doesn’t leave him as he places a wet hand on the side of your face to kiss you again. It’s an anxious kiss, confused and slow but—like someone riding a bike for the first time in years—it quickly becomes something familiar. Muscle memory that you both let yourselves sink into. 
You can feel his expression as he kisses you, something between confusion and desire, like his own actions are perplexing. You feel the same way, hesitant, but reaching in the dark for the promise of some sort of normalcy. You want to feel like a person again. You haven’t felt it in so long and you push yourself against him as the ache swells in you. 
The two of you continue like this for a moment, Katsuki’s fingers pressing lightly into the skin of your neck. You moan softly as his tongue slips into your mouth, taking a sharp inhale at the sensation of skin on skin. The sound of the creek drowns out the clicking of your mouths, but you can feel the way he hums into your mouth. They’re little sounds, involuntary ones driven by the nervous, desirous feelings inside of you both. 
Then, Katsuki pulls away, swallowing thick as he takes his bottom lip between his teeth for a moment. You appreciate the way they look. They’re swollen, anxious to continue and keep forgetting where you really are. He drops his hand from your face with a sigh and almost seems like he comes back to himself. You do the same, moving back into an upright position. 
“Denki will want that water soon,” he clears his throat and motions to the empty bucket by your feet. 
“Oh,” you say, laughing a little. “Right.” 
You stand, dusting off the back of your pants and dunking the bucket into the water. It sloshes, the liquid hitting the back of the plastic with a satisfying elastic sound. You begin to walk away without another word, heading down the way you came to climb up the gentler part of the slope. 
“Hey,” Katsuki calls softly. “You should stay. We talked it over last night. You can if you want to.” 
The last part, he says facing the wash, his hands moving as if he hadn’t said anything at all. You don’t respond, knowing that the obvious answer is already yes. 
Dread settles in your stomach. It’s an icky, swirling feeling that threatens to make you double over. You climb up the bank, the water in the bucket sloshing as you move through the trees and enter the clearing. The feeling doesn’t dissipate, growing as you leave the cover of the trees. You probably wouldn’t have kissed him if he’d asked you that earlier. 
The boarding house comes into view and you can see Denki sitting beside the generator, conversing with who appears to be Shoto. They turn and Denki waves you down, Shoto turning away and starting around for the front of the house. 
Denki jogs to meet you, taking the bucket from your hand. You flex your fingers as the weight is removed, wincing a little at how stiff they feel. 
“Jeez, what took you so long?” Denki laughs and with your new information, you understand his willingness to be friendly with you a little better. 
“I asked Katsuki for his life story,” you respond dryly, following him back to the generator. 
Denki looks over his shoulder and laughs at you. “Did he tell you?” 
You pause for a moment, watching as Denki unscrews something and pours the water in. 
“Nope,” you say. “Not a thing.”
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Click Here to go to the second chapter and find the rest of the series on ao3. The remainder will not be posted on tumlbr, but please feel free to reblog!
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could you write something where peter and reader are having a study date, but peter falls asleep and reader just lets him be/tucks him in?? tysm
don’t want to miss a thing.
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synopsis : getting peter to sleep wasn’t going to be as difficult as you’d thought.
pairing : bf!peter parker x reader
wc : 490 +
warnings : none ! super fluffy sleepy!peter is all you need to worry about :) (normal sized text belowww + this is college!peter)
‎‎ masterlist | request | navigation
a/n : hi nonnie !! thank you so so much for this request <3 i actually whipped this one up pretty quickly because of the rush of inspiration your request gave me hehe :) hope you enjoy it !
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it was nearly midnight when you started to notice peter’s eyelids practically begging to fall, his head was inching closer and closer to the surface of your desk. which, admittedly, was somewhat adorable. he’d been like this for the past hour, though it was getting progressively worse every passing minute.
you were in your room, catching up on some studies alongside peter. the boy found every single excuse to be with you, and when you said that you didn’t have time (due to your need to study), he came up with the perfect compromise. a study date.
though, by the time he’d come back from patrolling, it was already 10 pm, and naturally, he was exhausted. but you knew peter, therefore, you knew he was going to put up a fight rather than accepting defeat and falling asleep.
“pete, you look like you’re about to pass out.” you say softly, causing him to whip his head to your direction.
“no, no, no, no. i’m wide awake!” he shoots himself up, making you let out a small laugh, causing the tenseness of his body to disappear. your laugh comforted him.
“i think you need some rest. c’mon, this can wait.” you stood up and gestured for him to go to your bed, but he shakes his head.
“‘m okay, really.” his attempt to assure you was failing, given that he was falling asleep as he said that very sentence.
“you’re so cute when you’re tired.” you smile at him, he returned it with a lazy smile and continued to attempt answering a few practice questions on his worksheet.
“you think so?” he has a smug smirk on his face. gosh. you couldn’t help but giggle.
“just tell me when you wanna call it a day, okay?” you say as you sat back down beside him and continued your work. 
“talk to me? tell me about your day, that’ll help keep me up.” he asks, keeping himself focused on his work.
“oh! okay then! well, after class, while you were out, i ended up coming over and talking to may, and she showed me a bunch of your baby photos, which, might i say, were so cute.” peter sat closer to you, and you thought nothing of it as you continued talking.
“mhm…” his responses became increasingly incoherent as you continued talking about what aunt may had told you. he was falling asleep before he began to realize it.
“so then, i asked may- oh, you’re asleep.” your voice starts with its normal volume and you quiet down as you realize.
 oh.
he’d found a comfortable spot on your shoulder as you were talking and slowly began to drift off. you observed a small, barely there smile that he had as he slept. his arms were rested around your waist and his face was buried into the crook of you neck. he was finally relaxed.
you found it increasingly difficult to move at all, in fear of him waking up, so you decided that it’d be good for you to get some rest as well.
you press a soft kiss on his cheek (and you may or may not have taken a quick photo of him for your wallpaper) before resting your head gently on his, but you felt him move ever so slightly, so you lift your head up, and so did he.
all he did was smile at you, and you did the same, right before he rubbed his eyes and rested himself onto your shoulder yet again.
work could wait, this, however, couldn’t.
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taglist : (send me an ask to be added hehe !) @live-laugh-lovejoy
a/n : thank you for reading loves !!!! requests are open, as per usual, pls just be patient w me, feel free to reblog as it is very important to support writers &lt;3
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nymphomatique · 11 months
Text
i’m up giggling and twirling my hair on this fine evening thinking about sleazy mechanic miguel o’hara and being completely normal about it ❤️
just imagine, ur bent over the hood of your car, nearly drooling all over it’s chipped paint miguel said he’d fix because he’s just fucking you so good and so deep, your mind is going numb.
a half hour before this you walked into his auto shop in the skimpiest outfit and the strappiest little heels he’s ever seen and he just knew you were going to be a handful.
“you haven’t changed the oil in two years?” he asks, he laughs at your meek nod because you know it’s bad based on how wide his eyes got as you told him allll the little details about your car.
“well darling, this just won’t do. i can’t let you ride around in this car until it’s all fixed and proper,” he tells you as you go over the long and expensive bill full of parts and things you don’t recognize nor understand.
“i can’t pay all this at once.. can we do instalments? or-or maybe we can do one thing off the list a month? because i can’t afford to-” he cuts you off right then and there because he’s got you exactly where he wants you.
do you really need all the things on that list fixed? no. at most you need your oil and tires changed and your brake fluid checked. but miguel deserves a little fun, doesn’t he?
“im sure we can figure out something that works for the both of us, sweet thing,” he says, giving you the once over. it’s only now that his rippling muscle and massive height make you feel somewhat intimidated as you feel as if you’re understanding the innuendo that slips past his oh so kissable lips.
and kiss those lips, you do. your eyes roll behind your skull and you let out a muffled groan into miguel’s thick and muscular grease-stained bicep, his other hand wrapped in your hair and tugging your head up to face him, initiating a heated and intense kiss. you can’t help but moan and tighten around him because oh my god it just feels so fucking good.
“m-miguel, ‘m gonna- oh my god, please make me cum, please please please please please,” you’re rambling after that intoxicating kiss.
“that’s it, cum for me sweetheart. gonna make that sweet fuckin’ pussy cum,” he spits at you with a new found vigour in his thrusts.
if it means having you like this forever, that car of yours is gonna need a lot more servicing from him down the road.
this is my first ever published work on here pls give me feedback 🥲 asks are also welcome if u want me to write about anything on miguel!!
thanx for reading 💋
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hi hii! when you have the time, could you do headcanons for nikolai when he’s lovesick and pining for someone that he has a crush on? also pls stay safe from covid🙏🏾🙏🏾
…Oh god this took me so long to answer based on the stay safe from covid message. (Ik covid still exists but no one really wishes that anymore) I am so sorry for how long this took me to answer, I hope you like it! CW: Reader gets hurt (not by Nikolai), "Who did this to you?" trope used, Usual Nikolai behaviour GN Reader
Nikolai crushing on you
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At first he doesn’t even realise he has developed a crush. Sure he likes being around you and annoying you, but he does that with everyone in his life so why should this be different? At least that is what he thinks. That is until he starts noticing the small details about you. Like how your nose scrunches up slightly when he is extra annoying or the twinkle in your eyes or the way your laugh can light up a room and -
Holy shit he has developed a crush. 
Nikolai is just confused when the realisation hits him. He honestly had no idea when or how it happened, suddenly you were everything he could think about and he longed to see you smile. If he was having a bad day a smile from you could make it better. 
Now let's be real here. Nikolai is not a subtle man. So his pining won’t be subtle either. He is not the type of guy who lovingly gazes at you and says nothing just to hope you will notice his yearning. He of course still lovingly gazes at you but that’s more something he does in secret and not his main form of pining.
His way of flirting is to be as annoying as possible. Be prepared for him to pop out at random moments and scare you, just so he can see your surprised face. Nikolai will also just get 100 times more clingy. You could do literally anything and you will have an Ukranian clown hanging around you. 
While you of course notice that he is more clingy, you don’t think much of it. Nikolai sometimes has random mood swings so who knows, maybe this was just one of them? He is a bit annoyed that you don’t catch up on his flirting and pining, because he thinks it's obvious.
While he still is his goofball self around you, there is one moment where you see a side of him you have never seen before, and it surprises you.
You somehow had gotten involved into a fight with some ability users and came out of it with bruises and a bit of blood on you. You had planned to just quickly get home and wash it off and treat your wounds. That was until Nikolai suddenly appeared out of nowhere to surprise hug you, making you yelp in pain because he had pressed on a bruise.
He let go immediately and took a good look at you, taking in your battered up sigh. His normally playful look turns cold and serious. His voice even drops deeper when he asks you “Who did this to you?” You don’t want to answer, knowing how he can get but he insists. When you look into his eyes you expect the crazy look he gets when he is about to go murder someone, but instead you see worry, fear and…love. All things you never expected to see in Nikolai’s eyes. Seeing how he looks at you, you decide to tell him who hurt you, though still somewhat reluctantly.
Once he has the information he needs, Nikolai kisses your forehead and leaves to take care of the people who hurt you. And maybe, once he is done and has disposed of them he is going to ask you out on a date. Afterall he deserves a reward for what he is about to do.
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space-helen · 2 months
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Silenced
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Words: 1114
Pairing: Stephen Strange x Reader
A/N: I know this has taken forever but I hope this is ok! (not proof read before releasing)
Request: Could you do something angsty for stephen strange, where he's working on researching some magic thing and his relationship with reader fell to the wayside as he's totally obsessed with whatever he's working on and anyway he gets more and more irritated and tells her to leave him alone and be quiet but for some accidental magic reasons he unintentionally made her mute. Then when everything's settled and his work/research is finished he assumed things would go back to normal but reader still isn't talking to him, he thinks he's getting the silent treatment for ignoring her while he was working but it's been weeks and she still hasn't said a word to him so he tries to talk to her about it and then he realises what he accidentally did and just angst and sadness pls, but like they work things out and stay together - Anon
______________________
"Y/N, please just leave me for a second" the man spoke totally exasperated. He'd been absorbed into new research for a couple of days now. He'd really planned to get it done quickly but with you interrupting consistently every hour he wasn't making as much progress as he'd have liked.
"I'm sorry I just wanted to make sure you were ok and didn't need anything"
"Y/N I love you, I really do but you're making this ten times harder with your constant interruptions. Just leave, It'll get done quicker and then we can spend more time together."
You were slightly hurt by the comment and felt a twang in your chest. You bowed your head "I'll come back with some dinner for you in a couple of hours" with that you quickly left. The man sighed and buried his head back into the book.
As promised you returned, nervous but hopeful the man was in a better mood. You'd seen him grumpy and mad before but He'd never been like this towards you so you knew it was serious. 
You balanced the plate of food in one hand to knock the door before opening it. Allowing it to swing open you politely greeted you boyfriend but before you could say another word he quietly muttered something under his breath and absentmindedly gestured his hand towards you. You thought you saw some orange sparks but couldn't be sure. 
Approaching his desk you placed down the plate but he continued to read the pages in front of him. You opened your mouth to say "here's the food I promised" You realised not a single sound came out. Tears instantly brimmed in your eyes and you turned on your heels to leave. 
You'd seen him jokingly mute people before but quickly unmute them. But this? It felt like a punch to the gut. Had you really annoyed him so much that he'd done it to you? He'd promised from day one to never use magic on you unless it was to save your life yet here you were. Mute and unable to speak because of him. 
Heading to your bedroom you sat on the edge of the bed. Somewhat still in denial that he'd done it you tried speaking to yourself but heard nothing. Letting the tears roll down your cheeks you lay down. He didn't mean it. He couldn't have. Yet he had been annoyed at your talking. 
You’d busied yourself for the rest of the day. Hoping he’d be done soon and would come and find you to undo his magic. Walking through the corridors you could see the man in the distance talking to Wong. You gazed at him hopeful before he quickly spoke “Y/N it’s an overnight trip. We’ll be back in the morning.” and before you could even react he’d disappeared with Wong.
Defeated you sighed a noiseless sigh and continued on your way through the sanctum towards the bedroom. Sluggishly you moved around and found yourself resting your head on your pillow for sleep.
The next day was spent moving around the sanctum trying to busy yourself, thanking yourself that you’d pre-booked time off work because you didn’t know how you’d function without being able to speak. You knew Stephen had arrived back in the early hours of the morning but you’d continued with his wish and stayed out of his way.
What you hadn’t realised was the longing looks from the man every time he saw you move around that day. He was still busy wrapping things up but wanted nothing more than for you to interrupt him, and save him, from Wong.
Eventually the day was coming to a close and he made his way to bed. He could feel his muscles relaxing as he made his way to you. He’d wanted nothing more all day than to see you and hold you in his arms.
Coming into the bedroom he could see that you were reading, what was unusual though is that you didn’t look up from your book, like you usually would, when he came into the room. Plodding around the room he quickly got changed before pulling the covers up and getting into bed. 
He sat for a moment before adjusting to get comfy. Not a single word from you? “Thank you for being patient with me. I’m sorry.” he moved to give you a kiss on your cheek but you moved away quickly and turned away from the man. Closing your book you went to put it on the nightstand.
His heart dropped, the silent treatment. He was seriously getting the silent treatment and it’d been that way all day and he hadn’t realised. He kicked himself internally.
“I’m sorry Y/N I really am but I promise not to be that way with you in the future. I just had Wong breathing down my neck about the work and how important it was and the emergency at hand. I understand if you’re giving me the silent treatment. I love you, I know I messed up.”
You turned back to the man and tried to reply in the heat of the moment, forgetting about the fact that no volume would come out. 
The man looked at you confused for a second. “Say something again.”
You did as he wished and you could see his features tense up “Someone muted you?” he quickly moved his hands and undid the spell. “You weren’t giving me the silent treatment? Who did this? What happened? Who do I need to go and speak to?”
You could see the anger bubbling up within him but you just stared at the man puzzled. “Wait.” the man stopped and looked at you “do you seriously not know?”
The man gave a very small and slight shake of his head.
“You did. When I came in yesterday to give you food.”
His eyes widened and he froze “I’m so sorry.” his words were slow and he brought his eyes to yours and found your hands with his “I’m so incredibly sorry. I didn’t even realise. I promise to never do it again. If something like that happens you have to come and let me know.”
You nodded, you could see that the man didn’t truly mean it and you couldn’t hold a grudge against him. “It’s ok. Just promise to actually communicate with me next time as well instead of just telling me to go away.”
He nodded and brought your hands to his mouth to place a gentle kiss to them. “Anything Y/N. Anything.”
With that you happily accepted his embrace when he opened his arms to you.
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basichextechml · 2 years
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Details
Wednesday Addams/Fem!Reader
Rating: Teen // 4.7K words // Reader uses she/her pronouns, no looks are described, rated teen bc the jokes are morbid and somewhat graphic, reader is a shapeshifter, reader is a touch insecure but don’t worry guys it’s good I swear, I’m sick w covid rn so if you spot a mistake no you don’t (but actually tell me pls), there’s a playlist at the end of this fic pls check it out love you guys <3
A chain reaction is set off when Wednesday realizes she’s not actually talking to her roommate
Pt. 2
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     Wednesday wasn’t talking to Enid right now.
     Sure Enid was in front of her, sitting on her bed, in their room, wearing her clothes, and her face- but it had, embarrassingly, taken Wednesday five whole minutes to realize it wasn’t Enid. Her hairline was off, her smile was a bit too big, and her eyeliner wasn’t done with its normal flicked technique. What cracked the bell, however, was the fact that her nails were a different color. Wednesday normally couldn’t care less, but her roommate had been trying to find the perfect shade of green for her nails for the past month and had only repainted them this morning, blabbering on and on about it. A fact that made Wednesday want to open the large decorative window, and fling herself out of it.
     But her nails weren’t green. They were blue with pink polka dots. The same pattern she had last week.
     “You’re a pretty convincing fake,” Wednesday bit, and faux-Enid paused mid-sentence.
     You’d been caught.
     Wednesday continues, tilting her head down to glare at you through her lashes. Other than those minute details- you really could be Enid. Or, at least, someone lesser than her would believe so. “Who are you, and why have you chosen to impersonate my roommate?”
     Faux-Enid sighed, before sticking on her house slippers and stepping towards Wednesday, holding out a hand. After a moment of consideration, Wednesday took it firmly in hers and shook it twice. You clicked your tongue in satisfaction- a decidedly un-Enid thing for you to do. Wednesday never thought she’d see the uncanny implications of someone wearing another’s face so nonchalantly in person.
     “(Y/n),” You said, brows pitching up as you finally looked around freely, “I just wanted to see the great Wednesday Addams that everyone’s been whispering about.”
     “Whispering is for wakes, I prefer it that way, everyone’s been too loud since I’ve arrived.”
     You understood now why everyone was talking- well, maybe for different reasons. They were concerned about the attempted murder charges. You were wondering how someone could be so pretty. She was entirely ignoring you as well, a bold move considering you were a stranger, and you had impersonated her roommate and snuck into her dorm.
     Hm. That made you sound like a creep.
     Oh well.
     The newly occupied side of the room was sparsely decorated- a far cry from Enid’s colorful and cluttered abode. You couldn’t say it was bad, though, everything was organized, in its rightful place- and delightfully macabre, accentuating the architecture that encased it. Her bedsheets had hospital corners. Taking care not to touch anything, you glanced over the few trinkets she had, lingering on the heavy typewriter with a fresh piece of paper stuck inside its hold.
     As you take a step closer to her, she takes one back.
     You rescind your previous step, putting twice the space between you- and you catch a downward twitch in her brow.
     “A murder mystery?” You ask, looking her in the eye. Wednesday isn’t entirely sure you’re asking about her book, even though it is the topic of discussion.
     Wednesday found herself asking a question without thinking. “How could you tell?”
     You turn your back on her, this time. A dangerous decision, she decides, because she can see your neck from here. “Instinct, maybe?” You tease, turning back momentarily to wink. Wednesday’s lips purse tight, perturbed at those words coming from what seems to be Enid’s mouth.
     “If you’re going to act in such a way, I’d be much obliged if you stopped mimicking my roommate.” Her skin prickled as you sighed, rocking back on your feet as if contemplating her words.
     And then you begin to change, right in front of Wednesday’s eyes.
     Wednesday’s ever-present morbid curiosity waits for the cracking of bone or stretching of skin- reminiscent of other transformations she’d bore witness to. This was nothing of the sort- it was smooth. Too smooth. Like a hot knife through the doughy fat of a thigh. It’s disturbing as you take on a new shape, and she can’t blink, because she’ll miss it.
     Or maybe she won’t? How can she miss it when the familiar face staring back at her is her?
     You trot along to Enid’s mirror, fixing your newfound fringe and admiring how Wednesday’s face looks on you. She had dark brown- nearly black eyes, and a smattering of freckles over her soft skin. Her eyelashes are long, too, wisping against her brows and the apples of her cheeks, almost like a doll. “You really are pretty, Wednesday. Great cheekbones,” She sees the way your eyes look down at her lips in the mirror. “Nice-”
     “If you finish that train of thought they’ll find you at the bottom of the lake hog-tied with lead in your pockets.”
     You smile at her- and that’s how others would be able to tell you both apart because the muscles responsible for completing such an expression had died in her face long ago. It was like an out-of-body experience, or a successful trial after her many failed attempts at lucid dreaming. It made her feel something- something she couldn’t put a finger on- something she might not like.
     She wants to end this.
     But then you’d leave.
     She wants you to leave.
     Right?
     It may be too difficult to say no to her own face.
     You can see the twitch next to her lip, and know that maybe you’ve pushed the new girl too far- and thus, you borrow Enid again. “Don’t worry, Wednesday,” the way you say her name sends chills up her spine, like hypothermia setting in. It’s different from the way Enid would say it, like you’re pitching her voice differently, making it your own. “I won’t borrow your face if you don’t want me to.”
     And just as you make peace with plunging Wednesday into the ice-cold uncharted waters of discomposure, the door jiggles and swings open. Enid- the real one- stands in the doorway with shopping bags on her arm, ones that she nearly drops as she squeals over your presence.
     Wednesday takes a step back as the blonde entirely overtakes you, and she’s sure she’ll go blind from the embarrassingly emotional spectacle you both make. Clamoring and chattering as you discuss something undoubtedly trivial. Enid doesn’t seem to mind that you’ve borrowed her complexion. Wednesday doesn’t understand it. Maybe she doesn’t want you to leave. She feels her fingers twitch in the urge to lay you down and cut you open. Shapeshifters must have malleable cells, right? To aid in the transformation process? She wants to see what it would look like under a microscope.
     As if sensing her murderous intent, maybe you can see it in her eyes, you turn to her, a sly little smile. “It was lovely meeting you Wednesday. I’d love to hear more about your novel next time we chat.”
     The next time.
     How bold.
---
     When Enid posted on her blog about Nevermore gaining a new student and the scandal that would undoubtedly follow, you were hooked. The Addams were infamous at Nevermore, and now their oldest would be showing up midway through the quarter, tugging along attempted murder charges?
     You were itching to meet her.
     Heart practically beating out of your chest, you retreated from Enid and Wednesday’s dorm. Riveting. Absolutely riveting. Your fingers and toes were numb in excitement at the prospect of the rest of the quarter. Who knew a flash of braids and a homicidal edge was what this school so desperately needed?
---
     “I’m assuming you know her?” Wednesday asked, not bothering to look at her roommate as she pulled out her desk chair and began setting up her typewriter.
     “Oh, (Y/n)? Yeah of course! We’re like, besties!” Wednesday fought the urge to roll her eyes at Enid’s terminology. “I was wondering when she was gonna come around- when I told her you were coming to Nevermore she totally freaked.” Enid clipped her bangs back, getting ready for her nightly skin routine. “I can’t believe it took her, like, what, a week? to come say hi.”
     Wednesday hummed, barely hearing the words over the clacking of her typewriter keys, her brows furrowed in thought. Enid grabbed her caddy of soaps and prepared to head off into the bathroom. “I feel like you’ll be great friends. Ooooh, we should totally do, like, a group sleepover! I’ll be right back, think about it, okay?”
     The front door slammed shut behind Enid, and Wednesday grumbled, pulling out the used sheet of paper from her typewriter and crumpling it up. Thing looked up from his place on Wednesday’s bed, shutting the magazine he’d been leafing through to see what was troubling her. Wordlessly, she fed another piece of paper into the paper table.
     Perhaps Viper De La Muerte’s mystery would gain another character.
---
     You come to her next as Xavier in their shared botanical sciences class, and she can tell right away based on the doodle you’re scratching into his desk. It’s quite awful. Horrendous, actually- technically speaking.
     “Good morning Wednesday” You chirp, and that warbled tone is there again. Perhaps a side effect? Curiosity is creeping up on her in these spare meetings you both share, getting ready to strangle her in the best way
      Wednesday sets down her bag, and sits precariously on her chair, eyeing the etched drawing on the desk. It’s a raven, and when it doesn’t pop out of the table at her, she’s sure of her conviction.
     “(Y/n)” She states.
     You let out an affronted gasp, eyes crinkling at the recognition, before propping your chin up on your hand. “How could you tell? Was it my magnetic personality?” Wednesday focuses on the way your, Xaviers, fingers tap and fidget against the desk like you think she won’t notice. “Perhaps our first encounter has captured your heart- and you’ve fallen for me?”
     “I’d rather you watch me fall off a cliff.”
     “Sounds like the perfect date idea, how about seven tomorrow night?”
     You watch in excitement as her brows tick up a hairline of an inch and the way her cheeks look a little less dead. She most likely wasn’t used to someone receiving her sardonic personality with open arms.
     In place of answering, she chooses to counter it with another question. “Why are you impersonating Xavier?”
     Dramatically, you pull out a notebook. Not a sketchbook. A real notebook. And begin to take dutiful notes. Another way she would’ve been able to tell the difference between you and Xavier. “If someone doesn’t want to go to class, for whatever reason, they normally pay me to come and make sure they don’t miss an attendance credit, take a test, get homework-”
     “Cheat?”
     “If that’s what you’d like to call it, then yeah, cheat,” You shrug, “It makes me good money, and I get to keep the grade curve up. I’m sure you could appreciate that.” Your pencil nudges against hers, tapping against her meticulous notes.
     She’s not sure where to take this conversation, and that weird feeling is back. Normally, she’s itching to leave a conversation. Any conversation. Maybe it’s the fact that while she’s talking to Xavier, she’s also talking to you. There’s nothing to put to your voice yet, even when it’s masked and warbled by another.
     Wednesday is talking to someone, and she doesn’t really know who. The concept is eldritchtian in nature, that she could look over and not understand something that was right in front of her face. There’s no control. A masterful side eye keeps watch on you throughout the period. If she can’t put a face to a name, she could at least tack onto mannerism. Maybe then she could control that feeling in her gut.
     You liked keeping your hands above the desk and busy. You’d fidget with them often, picking at your nails. Your nose would involuntarily twitch whenever Thornhill pulled out a particularly foul-smelling plant. But was that you or Xavier? Wednesday’s pen taps the edge of her paper, leaving ink blots in the margins. She could argue that it’s you- at the end of the day it’s your brain, but another part says you could be subconsciously mimicking the mannerisms of whoever you’re impersonating. You’re a puzzle with one too many edge pieces that she’s trying to make fit.
      She’s adorable- thinking that you don’t notice she’s watching you. The thing about being different, for good or bad reasons, is that you can feel when someone’s trying to understand you. How their eyes linger. Maybe it’s masochism that runs your brain because you feel good gaining her attention- no matter how depraved it was.
     The game of ignoring and noticing each other continued throughout the period, like a dance you had practiced, making sure not to step on each other’s toes. You wondered if she was curious enough to ask now. You wanted her to ask. To be curious enough to suggest meeting up. To know you better. From what Enid had spilled about her, Wednesday was confident- and unpredictable. The ball was never in your court because she was never even playing her game with you, just hitting it against the wall by your head and waiting for you to flinch.
     You’d flinch if she wanted.
     Miss Thornhill wrapped up the end of class, the volume of the room slowly rising as kids began to talk about their upcoming plans for the weekend. You watched slyly as Wednesday packed up, flipping your notebook closed to give back to Xavier.
      “My room, tonight after dinner,” Wednesday murmured firmly, and your smile pulled taught, an ache in your cheeks. But your victory was short-lived, the lips you’d admired in the mirror spelling your crash.
     “Don’t come as anyone.”
---
     You were stupid to have not thought this far.
     Stupid, stupid, stupid.
     Getting so caught up in just trying to capture her attention, you didn’t even know what you were going to do if you got it. You thought it would take a couple more tries to get her fully into the idea of being around you- but you had underestimated Enid’s words.
     Wednesday knew what she wanted quickly, and she expected to get it.
     It would be hot if you weren’t mentally freaking out.
     She said to meet her after dinner, but that didn’t specify a certain time, right? Hypothetically, you could show up whenever. You could say you had a late dinner- but you know that wasn’t what she met. She’d already be upset at you for disregarding her last request, you couldn’t be late on top of that.
     As you walked through the hallowed halls of Nevermore Academy, you people-watched. There were so many interesting students here. No matter their disposition, they had rich lives that would no doubt continue on and only grow more complex. Intriguing powers that had so many quirks and kickbacks that you could only imagine what it felt like to have them come naturally to you. There were so many compelling people here- so why would you want to be you when you could pretend to be them?
     Shifting from foot to foot, you knocked on the door. Well, Bianca technically knocked on the door, but it was still just you. Enid answers, looking somewhat taken aback before realization dawns on her. “(Y/n)- come on in! I was just about to go meet Ajax, so it’ll just be you and Wednesday.” The way she says it sounds like she’s hinting something, looking at you with wide eyes and a mischievous little smile.
     ‘Subtle’ You mouth to her, nodding your head. Enid does a bashful curtsey, before grabbing her keys. She makes sure it’s loud as she locks the door behind her.
     And then it’s two.
     Wednesday looks positively deadly cut against the low light of the iconic Ophelia Hall window. The way she glares through you emphasizes her distaste for your actions.
     “I see you’ve decided on Bianca today. Odd, considering I asked for you.” You’re nearly prepared to say something, mustering up enough thought to figure out what she’d even want to hear, but it’s her who steps closer. And closer. And closer.
     She’s in your space now, looking up ever so slightly at you. “Take it off.”
     “You could at least buy me dinner first,” You stumble out, voice not nearly as confident as it had to be for that line.
     Wednesday only tilts her head, coy as can be, with a brow slightly raised. “I thought you liked my unconventional… date ideas.”
     You muffled a laugh, “I didn’t even get the first one. I was looking forward to seeing the rocks together-”
     Wednesday wondered if you do it- if you’d teeter into the violence of her earlier statements.
     “-If you’d jump, and if you did, how you’d hit them. Maybe, what it would look like when I followed after you.”
     You’d been lured into her trap. And by the way, Wednesday could feel the corners of her mouth twitching up, she’d been ensnared in yours. But she couldn’t let you win so easily. She couldn’t find herself letting you do it. Turning away, she marched to her desk, pulling out a thin, monogrammed book, and a pen. “I believe I made that commitment to (Y/n), not Bianca.”
     Frozen to the floorboards, you stare wide-eyed, having been put right back into the one spot you didn’t want to be. Wednesday could hear the hitch in your breath, matching it with her own to see how long it would take you to breathe again. The satisfying ache in her lungs proved that she had caught you off guard. “To make it up to me, you’ll be answering a few questions.” She points to her bed, telling you to sit.
     Relief wasn’t the right word to describe your state. Abject happiness? Pure and unbridled repose? Perhaps disappointment- because you wouldn’t be meeting your demise to the cold, small hands of Wednesday Addams. Though, a thorough interrogation will take a close second.
     There was a weird disconnect with the situation. You’d tell Wednesday anything she wanted to know. What you were, how you felt, your deepest fears, your middle name. But the idea of shedding whomever you had borrowed and bearing your face to the world terrified you. The idea that she could know everything about you and know nothing at the same time felt comfortable, but when Wednesday Addams was looking at you with a curious spark in her eyes, you felt it wasn’t the right choice at all.
     Scurrying over to the bed, you hurriedly sat down- only to sit on something soft. Not in the springy way, a bed was soft, but in the way people were soft.
     Wednesday watched in amusement as you yelped, jumping up quickly off of her bed. Thing angrily crawled his way out of the covers, obviously having been woken up from his after-dinner nap. Desperately, you apologized to Thing, seemingly unfazed by the fact that he was only a hand. She doubts he’s the weirdest thing you’ll see while you choose to associate with her. “Thing, this is (Y/n). (Y/n), Thing. Now stop apologizing.” Wednesday demands, grabbing Thing and carrying him over to Enid’s side of the room. Precariously, she tucks him in, before turning her back on him, leaving no room for argument. She pointed to the bed again. “You. Sit.” What were you meant to do? Say no? Perched on the side of the bed, you waited for her to begin her investigation a la (Y/n).
     “You can become anything?” Wednesday started, writing along the printed lines of her notebook.
     “Anything you want.” You tease.
     “I want a real answer.”
     “Anything I want, within reason,” You sigh, leaning back on your hands.
     She stopped writing for a moment, looking over the edge of her book, “And what does that entail?”
     “I can’t get too small,” You emphasize, making a small box with your hands and then gesturing to the rest of yourself, “Or else I feel cramped. And I can’t get too big, because then I’ll be stretched too thin, and everything’ll become unstable.” Wednesday narrows her eyes for a moment, hitting the nib of the pen against the paper before deciding what to write.
     “What about width?”
     “Oooh, that’s a good question- haven’t tried it? I guess? Not many things are wider than they are tall.”
     Wednesday hums in thought, before grabbing her desk chair and propping it up in front of you, sitting down herself. Your knees were knocking together, the only thing separating your skin from hers being her uniform skirts. Bianca always liked to roll her skirt up a bit, so you did too. “Does it hurt?”
     “Did what hurt? When I fell for you- Ow!”
     You rubbed at the skin of your knee where she had stabbed you with her pen, the broken skin healing itself within the blink of an eye. You could feel her gaze watching it.
     “We’re not doing that bit again. Your abilities seem to have a healing aspect.” She mumbles, furiously scribbling something down. You wondered what she was even writing. ‘Initial observation, healing aspect, eternal torture? Must review’. Yeah, no, okay.
     “Not exactly, It’s sort of like healing- but also a bit more complex. When you heal, you make new cells, right?”
     “Of course.”
     “But what I just did wasn’t making new cells- it’s just the same cells remembering what was there, transforming into that, and then moving accordingly.” Tentatively, you grab her hand. It’s cold and rigid against yours, like a corpse, and you move it to the skin of your knee. You’d never be able to tell that there was a hole there in the first place. “Of course, I still produce new cells like everyone else, it’s just if I were to sustain a large injury- a lethal one, being a shapeshifter wouldn’t save me. My cells would transform and move, but that would only be tearing me open in a different way.”
     There’s a smile on Wednesday’s face.
     It’s small, barely even there, like an apparition, but you can see it.
     Wednesday is enamored with you. Your skin was so warm. You were holding her hand so tightly. She had this disgusting, revolting feeling in her chest. One she wanted to keep there forever.
     “So I couldn’t crack your ribs open and crawl inside of you?”
     “If you had to keep warm, of course.”
     You were so close.
     Suddenly, she clapped her notebook shut, the chair screeching as she lurched out of it. Jolting, you leaned back a little, watching with wide eyes as she slammed the notebook into her desk drawer and shut it.
     “We’re going to see the rocks tomorrow.” She demanded, reminiscent of when she asked you to come here. “And I do want you this time.”
     Son of a bitch.
     “I…” Your mouth felt dry. It was amazing how she managed to make you feel so comfortable while trapped. “I’ll think about it.” And within the next moment, you were a mouse scurrying across the floor boards, and ducking right beneath the door frame.
     You didn’t stop running until you were down the stairs and in the main entrance hall- quickly changing back and collapsing against a wall.
     A mouse? Did you become a fucking mouse?
     Silently screaming into the hall, you hit your head against the ground, embarrassment flooding through your every nerve. Because what the fuck. You became a fucking mouse and you ran under the door.
     You knew what you had to do.
     You had to die.
     Life was over at this point- there was no use continuing. Wednesday Addams had (sort of) asked you out, and like a complete and utter loser, you ran away. As a mouse.
---
     You had been avoiding her.
     It had been a week since Wednesday Addams had last seen you. And a single question loomed above them all.
     Who did you think you were?
     You barge into her room, responding to her threats and homicidal tendencies in kind, making her interested, sticking her neck out onto the guillotine. Making her want to hold and touch you. Hold your warm hands. Run her fingers over your skin. And you’re hiding from her?
     To say she was positively murderous at this point was an understatement. Her rage was unconcealable. People avoided her in the halls, well, more so than before. Enid was neglecting to start conversations when they shared their dorm, fearing the wrath she may incur if Wednesday was even a bit more annoyed. She had already stabbed Xavier with her pen twice. He didn’t even have the nerve to treat her to a spectacle such as you did.
     Her cello was bearing the brunt of her bad mood this evening, pulling along the strings and bow to string together a much blunter rendition of Shostakovich’s String Quartet No. 8. The callouses on the tips of her fingers burned as she flew through the piece, a much-needed pain to distract her from her inner turmoil. It felt so right.
     As the last few notes on the page crept up on her, the quartet drawing to a close, there was a glint in the night. Brows furrowed and lips pouted, she closed her music book, setting down her bow and cello to approach the edge of the stoned terrace. A raven- big and beautiful, flapped its wings closer, a chain dangling from its beak with a pendant hanging from the end. Like it recognized her, it stalled in the air, almost waiting for Wednesday to hold out her hand.
     Tentatively, she did so, and the raven dropped the cold, sterling silver amulet into her hand. Ignoring its retreat, she turned the amulet around, peering into the glass class on the other side. Its contents puzzled her.
     “Don’t turn around.”
     Head snapping up, Wednesday felt a tingle run down her spine as she looked onto the horizon. She knew that voice.
     One that was normally distorted with another’s, warbled and lost in a tonal fray, was crystal clear.
     “I… I wanted to apologize.”
     “For ignoring my existence?”
     “Yes, I just…” She could hear your exasperated sigh behind her, and instead of turning around, she channeled her want into running her fingers along the grooves of the amulet. “I want to show you who I am. I do. I just don’t think that I… That I’m prepared for what that means. So I got you that.”
     It was a Victorian mourning locket. Inside its glass prison lay a small, cut stock card. Oil paints had been used to portray a single, lively and bright eye, laid deep into plush skin. Framing it, were strands of hair, glued and staged to look as though it would when hanging naturally. A single braid of the same hair wormed around and enclosed the portrait, snug against the silver. The hair, skin, and eye colors were unfamiliar to her- but Wednesday Addams was a smart girl, she could piece it together.
     She felt as if you had grabbed her heart and pulled it out of her chest, content to watch it slow to a stop in your hand, and all she could muster was- “Who painted this?”
     You muffled a laugh. “My dad, don’t worry.”
     Wednesday could hear your steps, and by the fourth, she could feel how warm you were against her back.
     “This is just my way of saying… that when I’m ready, you’ll be the first person I show. You’ve already seen more of me than anyone else here has.”
     Just like when you first met the infamous Wednesday Addams, your fingers were numb. Though, this time, instead of excitement, you were dreadfully, painfully, nervous. Nervous that the girl standing only a few feet in front of you would reject your declaration. All was silent, and the only sound you could comprehend was the thudding of your pulse in your ears as she held the locket out behind her.
     “Put it on for me.”
     Fingers shaking, you struggled to unclasp the chain, before pulling the chain around her thin neck. Securing the clasp again, you lingered, warm hands smoothing out the baby hairs on the nape of her neck.
     Wednesday watched unfamiliar hands flash in front of her eyes, and she knew that she had you at that very moment. “Sit,” she demands again, settling down on the floor of the terrace. One more moment and your back was entirely pressed against hers, the ridges of your spines kissing through your muscle, skin, and clothes. “Thank you,” Wednesday said quietly into the night air, “I’m… I’m pleased, that I’ll be the first.”
     She took your hand in hers, and the numbness faded.
---
Thank you guys for reading!! If you enjoyed it pls let me know, my inbox and mentions are always open and reblogs are always appreciated <3
This is a playlist I made for Wednesday, it’s got Latin American goth and orchestral pieces (including the one mentioned above), so if that’s your vibe pls check it out!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1CbNa8jneefleLKCK98HHC?si=0fc47154f345442d
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zepskies · 9 months
Note
How would Beau comfort reader who’s gotten home from work and is feeling overwhelmed and sooky? I’m in need of comfort my the cutie patootie pls and thank you beloved 🫶🥺
Hello, my love!
I know it's been a while since you requested this @chernayawidow, but I’m so sorry you’re feeling down. It’s my pleasure to fulfill this prompt for you! 😘💞
AN: This is sort of a sequel to “Didn’t Mean to Stay,” but can be read as a stand-alone.
Word Count: 3,000 Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, lots of hurt/comfort, fluff, and feels.
Imagine: Beau gives you the support you need.
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You heaved a sigh while climbing up the short flight of stairs to your apartment. Why the hell you decided to live on the second floor, you had no idea…
Okay, mainly for the safety aspect of being a single woman living alone, but at least for the past year, you hadn’t been all that single (or alone, for that matter).
Seeing Beau’s truck in the parking lot reminded you that your boyfriend was already home from work. It was rare that you got here after him, but you perked up a little.
I hope he got something for dinner. Your stomach began to rumble at even the first stray thought of food. After the ridiculous day you’d had, you’d happily eat your weight in just about anything.
A hearty sandwich, Chinese lo mien, a whopping burger with fries…hell, you’d eat a whole damn bag of pizza rolls. As long as it was hot and you didn’t have to cook it.
Once you managed to insert your key and unlock the apartment, immediately there was too much sound coming from the living room. Guns and blasting and whoops and hollers. It all grated on your ears and your frayed psyche.
You grimaced as you locked the door behind you.
“Are we being invaded?!” you called.
Mercifully, the cacophony ceased as you walked into the living room and found your boyfriend with a sheepish smile. On the TV was an old western classic, The Magnificent Seven.
Typical, you thought. Your Texan cowboy loved his westerns.
“Sorry. Too loud?” he asked.
“Just a touch,” you replied.
“Well, I’m glad you're home.” Beau nodded at the TV. “Was gonna ask you what your Netflix password is.”
“What, don’t tell me you settled for 1960s cowboys?” you quipped.  
You dumped your purse on the coffee table and sunk onto the couch next to him. Beau slid an arm around your waist and pulled you in closer. You obliged by shucking off your shoes and resting against him, with your head on his shoulder. You let out a long sigh.
“Well, that was my fallback plan. See, damn Netflix booted me out and I’m really gearing up for that new season of Cake or Cake,” Beau said, with a somewhat childish smile that almost succeeded in tugging your lips upwards as well. Your brows drew together.
“Cake or…oh my God. You mean Is It Cake?” you asked. You nearly slapped yourself with your own hand as it came up to cover your eyes. Your shoulders shook with silent laughter.
“Ah, yeah. That one.” Beau grinned.
“I just can’t figure out how I keep guessing so wrong," he continued. "It looks like a hat. It should be a hat. How the hell is it actually cake? These guys are just so damn talented, I’ll tell ya. I mean, I’ve eaten my fair share of quality cake, but I ain’t never eaten a hat cake…though that does sound good to me, now that I think about it. Heh, I could finally say, ‘if that ain’t real, I’ll eat my own hat.’ And I’d actually be able to take a bite.”
Now, normally you found boyfriend’s diatribes incredibly endearing. Beau was a talker, and you appreciated having him with you at social gatherings. Not only was he great at connecting with people (something you very much admired), but the man was damn good at filling a silence.
Today, however, he was feeding the headache pulsing behind your eyes. You loved him dearly. Yet you were tempted to dig your nails into your own arm just to stop yourself from snapping at him to please, stop talking.
“Speakin’ of food, that reminds me. My stomach’s damn near ready to eat itself.” He eyed you. “What’s for dinner, baby?”
Your hand slid from your face and slapped onto your leg. Your head slowly turned to him.
“I don’t know, Beau. What’d you cook?” you said tartly.
It was an effort, considering how comfortable you were while tucked against him, but you moved his arm off your hip and lifted your heavy-feeling body off the couch. Shaking your head, you trudged a path over to your room.
You didn’t see it, but Beau frowned. Though you heard him follow after you. You did your best to go about your business, unbuttoning your pants and starting on your blouse. You were just so damn tired, and probably still anxious. Even your hands were trembling and fumbling with the buttons.
Still, you sensed him coming closer, saw his sock-covered feet out of the corner of your eye. The rest of him was comfortably dressed in sweatpants and a wool sweater you bought for him last month; he was getting better, but still acclimating to Montana winters.
“You’ve been here all this time,” you grumbled. “You see how late I’m coming in, and you don’t think, hey, my girl’s gonna be tired. Why don’t I figure out how to work the stove so she doesn’t have to worry about feeding my six-foot-ass, bottomless pit—”
Beau’s hands stilled yours, and he took over unbuttoning your blouse to help you. He bent his head enough to catch your eyes, smiling a little at your grumpy face.
“All right, all right. I see your point,” he said. “You had a bitch of day, huh?”
“The longest of my damn life,” you said. The stress of each moment played behind your eyes. So much that they stung with unshed tears when you raised your gaze to meet his.
Beau’s brows furrowed in sympathy. He paused in what he was doing to stroke your cheek and press a tender kiss to your forehead.
“And I wanna hear about it, but first, you go take a nice long shower,” he said. “What do you feel like eating?”
“Food,” you said petulantly. But he was being too sweet for you to be all that annoyed with him. A reluctant smile was growing across your lips. Beau smirked.
“You in the mood for Italian? Chinese? Maybe feeling a little adventurous and wanna try that Greek place down the street?” he suggested. “I think they deliver.”
By now he’d worked your blouse open. His hands were finding their way along the curve of your waist, smoothly across your skin, then meeting at the small of your back. He pressed the heel of one hand there, where he knew your shitty desk chair often made you ache.
You gripped his strong arms for support and leaned into him. You let out a sigh and rested your cheek against his chest, where he dropped another kiss on the top of your head.
“Greek sounds good, actually,” you confessed.
“Mmm, hell yeah. You want chicken, steak, or lamb on your gyro?” he asked. You felt the reverberation of his hum, and it was weirdly soothing. Though his question reminded you of one of your favorite movies that you too often quoted to him: My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
“What you mean he don’t eat no meat?” you said with a giggle. Beau’s lips moved to your forehead, and you felt the shape of his smile.
“It’s okay, I make lamb,” you both said together.
He chuckled and held you a bit tighter, secure and comforting. “All right. Lamb it is…you think they got cake on the menu?”
When you laughed, it was muffled by his sweater.
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After a hot shower, good food, and three episodes of Is It Cake later, you were falling asleep on your corner of the couch.
All through dinner, Beau had listened to you vent about your day. About the problems your coworkers had hoisted on you to solve in the midst of a massive project you were already tackling. How your boss then blamed you for not coming to her first before you overloaded yourself, and how you’d very seriously contemplated going to HR before you figured just dealing with it would cause you less grief in the end.
Your boyfriend listened and gave his two cents, both supportive and fair. That was another thing you liked about him; he was always fair.
Now, he roused you out of your drowsy state when his arms wrapped around your frame and lifted you up.
You whined in protest. “Whaaat? Don’t move me.”
“Nope, you’re goin’ to bed,” he said, in his sheriff’s voice that boded no argument. You grumbled, but you still snuggled closer to his chest and pressed your sleepy face into his neck.
Smirking, he walked you into the bedroom and laid you down on your side of the bed. He came to your place often enough that he now had his own side, complete with his own nightstand and a couple of drawers of your dresser, even a bit of closet space.
You really should’ve just told him to move the hell in already, but you weren’t like Beau. He was a man of action. He processed things quickly and made decisions just as fast. His job demanded him to be that way.
You tended to drag your feet. You also tended to worry, and weigh pros and cons, and you were cautious by nature. Even dating this man had been a slow process, for which he’d been very patient with you. (And you with him, especially in the beginning as he learned to open up to you.)
The evidence was plain to see, as he raised the blankets and helped you roll underneath them. You just took him by surprise when you grabbed the front of his sweater and pulled him down with you.
“Hey!” he laughed. He had to brace himself against the mattress before he crushed you. His knees fell on either side of your hips while your arms twined around his neck.
“You’re a wily one, even half-asleep,” he remarked. You smiled and threaded your fingers through his soft brown hair.
“Like a rattlesnake in the tall grass,” you teased. In fairness, the two of you had gotten into watching David Attenborough's nature documentaries.
Beau’s brows raised, his smile deepening.  
“Oh yeah? Better not mess around then,” he chuckled. “I might just get bit.”  
You snorted. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”
You leaned up until your lips were nearly brushing his. Beau’s eyes lowered to your face, taking in all the things that felt more like home than his little trailer near the woods.
Just before you would’ve closed the small breadth of distance, you veered away from his mouth and went for his neck instead. He even flinched at the tease of your teeth playfully biting him.
"You little vixen!" He laughed deeply as he unwound your arms from his neck. He pinned you down to the bed and pressed his hips down into yours over the sheets. But it was his claiming lips that stopped you from fighting back.
Your shoulders trembled with giggles that he swallowed up, kiss after kiss. Your eyes closed as he dragged the sheets down away from your body. His hands caressed you through your thin tank top, brushing over a hardened nipple with the back of his hand, then squeezing your breast through the fabric.
You sighed into his mouth. “I know I kind of started this, but I’m really tired, baby…”
“Who says you gotta do anything?” rumbled his rich voice.
A tremor of heat ran through you. Even with your eyes closed, your exhausted body responded to his touch. His lips drew a hot, wet path down your neck, all while his hands did sinfully good things, sliding under your tank top and gliding against your skin. You let him take it all the way off, followed by your pajama pants and cotton panties, though he paused to squeeze your ass in appreciation.
“Someone’s been doing squats,” he noted, grinning down at you.
“Nah, just an extra slice of that honey cake,” you retorted. Apparently, the Greeks liked honey on everything.
Beau’s head tilted. “Huh. Well, I do like me some cake.”
You laughed, then jolted with a yelp when he slapped a bare cheek.
But you couldn’t just lay idle when he started on his own clothes. You sat up and helped him raise the sweater up and over his shoulders, but he stopped you.
“I mean it. You just lie back and relax,” he said, giving you a charming grin. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes; he was just too damn good to you.
While he finished taking off the sweater, your hands drifted down to the waistband of his pants. You caressed the hardening length of him, earning a hiss and a groan from him.
“Can’t I just…” you tried.
With difficulty, Beau grabbed your wrist. He raised a brow at you and guided you back down.
“For once, I’m ‘a need you to listen to me,” he said, kissing your cheek and then the other side of your neck.
You breathed a laugh, but it caught on a moan as his fingers brushed through your wet folds. He made a sound of approval. And those nimble fingers gathered some of your wetness and began circling slowly over your clit.
You sucked in a breath and arched against him. You even whimpered a little as his free hand wound through your hair, giving him further access to your neck. He hummed against your skin and grazed his teeth under your ear.
“I gotcha, baby. Whenever you need it,” he said, low and steady. You gripped his arms for dear life as two of his fingers slipped deep inside you. You panted into his neck, rocked your hips mostly in time with his fingers as they twisted and pulsed around your tightening walls. His thumb rubbed against your throbbing clit.
“Please,” you whispered into his neck, squeezing your eyes shut. “Want you inside me.”
“We’re gettin’ there,” Beau nodded. He was breathing harder too, just from anticipation. The sounds you were making, the way you were squeezing his hand from the inside had him painfully hard.
“Now,” you insisted. Your hands moved to grip his hair, and your lips met his in a devouring kiss.
Beau matched your passion with closed eyes and furrowed brows. He’d had a plan for you at the start of this, but what kind of man would he be if he didn’t abide by your wishes?
So he withdrew his fingers from your slick pussy, even though you uttered a shuddering breath. It took everything you had within you to remain still and resting against the pillows as you caught your breath. You wanted to wrestle down his sweatpants yourself and show your boyfriend how appreciative you could be.
But you also appreciated what he was trying to do. You watched him with tired, but still hungry eyes as he kicked off the pants and the boxer briefs and returned to you, bracing a forearm above your head after he spread your legs and raised up your knees.
He lowered himself between the warm cradle of your thighs and kissed down your chest, licked between the valley of your breasts.
You arched up again when his tongue found your nipple, swirling around it, and finally taking it between his teeth. His hips rolled against yours, making his cock press against your core teasingly.
“Beau, for the love of God,” you moaned.
He chuckled. “Maybe you oughta learn how to be patient.”
You grabbed his bearded face between both hands and raised him up to you. He noted your challenging brow, but also your smile.
“Maybe you shouldn’t tease the rattlesnake,” you replied.
Beau laughed and ducked his forehead against yours. “Okay, darlin’. I’m sorry.”
He nosed at your cheek, angling for a kiss. You tipped your head back and welcomed his lips, especially when his tongue slipped past to tangle with yours. His forearm was braced above your head, but his free hand left your hip to line himself up to your entrance.
Another shudder went through your body as he finally slid home inside you. The shape and feeling of his cock was familiar as it stretched your inner walls, and you caught his moan in your mouth.
Your legs wrapped around his hips and squeezed, forcing him in deeper. His eyes screwed shut as he lost focus for a moment. He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of the feeling of you, or the sound of your voice, or the way you trusted him, but still tried to give as much as you took.
He pulled out nearly all the way, slowly sliding back in so you’d feel every inch. You clenched on him as a tremble ran through your body.
You uttered a broken gasp of his name that spearheaded goosebumps across his skin. And his next movements were faster, though just as deep.
He followed the encouragements of your voice, especially when he shifted his hips at an angle he knew would make you writhe. His fingers stroking your already sensitive clit, in time with his last wild thrusts, had you threatening to rip out a chunk of his hair. Instead, you gasped in his ear and dug your fingers into his hips.
His own release followed yours shortly after; he could only resist you squeezing the life out of him from the inside out for so long. And you held him afterwards, even though he still had a trembling arm braced above you.
Your hands smoothed up and down his back, trailing lightly with your nails. His breath was hot, but not uncomfortable against your neck.
You felt absolutely boneless as your legs slid from his hips. He pulled out of you soon after, but your embrace kept him from moving very far. He rested on his side, and you turned towards him. You both knew you’d have to deal with the sheets and the cleanup, but not just yet.
You carded your fingers more soothingly through his hair and drew his face back to yours.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” you whispered. And you didn’t just mean in this bed. “I haven’t had that in a long time.”
Beau’s smile crinkled the corners of his eyes. “You don’t gotta thank me for that.”
“Yeah, I do,” you nodded. Your lips formed a tired smile before they pressed softly to his. “I love you.”
Beau took a moment to brush a sweaty strand of hair away from your face. He’d believed in second chances before he met you…just not for himself. Meeting you made him swear by them.
“Love you too,” he said.
And the warmth of that bone-deep knowledge was more satisfying than even the heftiest slice of cake.
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AN: God, I love Beau. I miss Big Sky. 😭 But feel free to let me know what you think of this one! It's only my second time, but I really do love writing this guy. ❤️
And tell me...are you team cake 🍰 or team pie 🥧?
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cacoetheswriting · 2 years
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what happens at the drive-in...
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pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader word count: 3.5k warnings: friends to lovers, mutual pining, kinda angsty, very fluffy, emotional hurt / comfort, jealousy, adult language and somewhat mature themes, use of pet names (sweetheart), mentions of food and alcohol consumption, mentions of violence (in the movies they watch) - unedited - pls let me know if i missed anything! summary: an unspecified amount of time in the lives of eddie munson and his best friend, as you watch various movies together and your platonic relationship blossoms into something more.
a/n: technically a part two to this little fic, but can definitely be read as a standalone.
-
There is a small part of your brain that constantly wonders what if, when it comes to Eddie Munson.
What if you told him how much you enjoy it when he unintentionally reaches for your hand whenever the two of you are alone?
What if you didn’t ignore the way he looked at you sometimes, and vice versa?
What if you had let Eddie kiss you last year after the homecoming dance when he called you beautiful for the very first time?
Or more recently during Halloween when the two of you crashed a random house party and everyone complimented his Frank N. Furter costume? The stupid happy grin was plastered across his face the whole night and he kept thanking you for “turning the freaky into something desirable.”, to which you drunkenly replied: “I always find you desirable, Eddie Munson.”.
What if you never put Eddie in the strictly platonic box in the first place? Would it be easier now to cross that invisible line you both drew during the course of your friendship?  
What if… 
“Then she laughed at my joke,” Eddie states with excitement, breaking you away from your thoughts, “Can you believe it? Betsy Bolton found something I said funny.”
He looks at you and your heart sinks because you haven’t seen him this amped up about a girl since his unrequited secret crush on Chrissy Cunningham while you were dating your then boyfriend Andy.
But you plaster the best heartwarming smile you can muster and reply honestly, “Because you are, Eddie, a funny guy, so I’m just glad someone else finally made you realise.”
There is a hint of hurt detectable in the sound of your voice, betraying the facial expression you put on for his benefit. Eddie notices immediately although doesn’t react to it — for your benefit.
“No offence but as my best friend, I’m not going to believe you when you tell me I’m funny,” he says instead and lifts a tape from the counter, “I took the liberty of renting out ‘Salem’s Lot’, if that’s okay?”
You nod in response and he gets to work in setting up this evening’s movie.
“Full offence because, as your best friend, I am the only one that can tell you the brutal honest truth which includes when you’re not being funny.”
“You’ve never once uttered those words to me, sweetheart.” Eddie sits next to you on the sofa, casually throwing one arm behind you. His fingers graze your shoulder in the process and your stomach flips. 
“Yet you still choose to believe Betsy Bolton over me,” you sigh dramatically, ignoring how you were feeling to retain some normality, and place the back of your hand to your forehead in a fainting motion. You tip towards him, gently landing into his chest as you let out a giggle.
Eddie laughs too. He looks down at you, a goofy grin highlighting his features. Then, as the two of you lock eyes, there is a brief moment of silence. Normality is fucked.
What if you just reached for his collar and pulled him in…
The curly haired teen clears his throat and you bite the inside of your cheek, forcing the intrusive thoughts to dissipate from your mind, before sitting back up to focus your attention on the television screen.
Everything is tense again.
You blame yourself. Eddie blames ‘The Neverending Story’. 
He also thinks he should have told you then and there how he really feels because what if you felt the same way?
ALIEN
Every time that ugly creature makes an appearance, you can’t help but gag, and Eddie can’t help but chuckle next to you.
“I can’t believe this is one of your favourite films,” you exclaim about three-quarters through, not hiding your disgust.
He shrugs and without taking his eyes off the screen, he skews closer to you and simply states: “Sigourney Weaver is hot.”.
You roll your eyes. “I think I’m arguably better looking than Sigourney Weaver,” you bait, remembering his comments about Al Pacino a couple of weeks back.
He shifts in his spot and proceeds to place a hasty kiss to the top of your head.
“I never said you weren’t,” Eddie mutters against you and you’re wondering whether he’s mocking what you had said to him that night during your rewatch of ‘Cruising’ or whether he’s actually being sincere.
(Hopefully the latter).
BLUE HAWAII
“If I ever get married, one day in the distant future, this is the song I’ll use for my first dance,” you admit quietly as ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love’ plays through the lousy speakers, Elvis Presley’s character singing on screen.
Eddie glances at you, his mouth twitching upwards. “What if your future husband-to-be doesn’t like this song?”
“That’s too bad for him,” you reply and tilt your head to meet his doe-eyed gaze, “It’s Elvis or bust.”
He chuckles while running a hand through his brown locks before shrugging. “Well, I’m not a big fan of Elvis.”
You raise a brow. “Is this your way of asking me to marry you, Eddie Munson?”
Wait, what? 
The question rings in his ears and the way you’re looking at him right now definitely doesn’t help in getting his thoughts in order.
So he’s not thinking clearly when he takes off one of his rings. He’s not thinking clearly when he reaches for your left hand. And he’s definitely not thinking clearly when he slides the silver item down your finger with ease.
Your heart is in your throat during the whole interaction. “Is this your way of asking me to marry you, Eddie Munson?”, stupid, why would you even say that?
The film has faded into the background. Your focus is on Eddie and Eddie alone, and you want to scream because this is not platonic behaviour.
The curly haired teen leans in ever so slightly and whispers nonchalantly, “Elvis or bust.” Then, still holding onto your hand, he shifts his attention back to the television.
You want to comment, say literally anything, but you bite your tongue because you started this whole thing and whatever comes out of your mouth next, could make it even harder from crossing a line that cannot be uncrossed.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
Eddie can count the amount of times he’s been truly annoyed with you on one hand.
Truthfully, he lets you get away with a lot of shit because he knows fighting with you over silly little digs or unwarranted comments is not worth the time. And you act exactly the same with him. Nothing said is ever too serious to lead to an argument.
Until this moment. When one hand turns into two and a fight is imminent.
‘The killer's still loose, you know.’
“Eddie, I’m just repeating what I heard!”, your voice is rigid as you stand on your feet and take a step in his direction.
He’s not listening, he chooses not to.
‘You saying somebody else killed Tina? Who?’
“And I think you heard wrong, alright?! There’s just no way—”
“So you’re gonna believe some girl who laughed at one joke over me,” you interrupt, your blood starting to boil at his fucking stuborness, “You’re gonna believe stupid Betsy Bolton over your best friend?!”
How this whole thing even started, you couldn’t really remember anymore. One second you’re buried in his embrace, under the guise of averting your eyes from the screen, and the next thing you know, tensions are high and you’re both yelling.
“Betsy is not stupid!” Eddie counters. His statement causes you to roll your eyes which is a reaction he definitely doesn’t appreciate, “Why are you acting like this, y/n?”
‘I don't know who he is. But he's burned, he wears a weird hat, a red and yellow sweater, real dirty, and he uses some sort of knife he's got made into a sort of... glove. Like giant finger-nails.’
Your feelings are hurt because he’s defending her and you can’t figure out why. “I can’t fucking believe you…”
‘I think you should keep Nancy at home a few days. 'Til she's really over the shock.’
Eddie observes as you grab your cardigan and your bag before making a beeline for the front door of the trailer. He groans. “Where are you going? We’re not finished talking about this.”
‘I got something better…’
“The last thing I want is to be angry with you, Eddie, so I’m just gonna go home,” you state sternly, “Call me when you’ve come to your senses.”
The door shuts with a bang and he lets out a deep sigh.
‘I'm gonna get you help, baby. So no one will threaten you any more.’
FUNNY GIRL
The whole world is spinning when you open your eyes. The scratch in your throat seems to have gotten worse and your fever too, causing your whole body to shiver the second you try to move. 
A groan escapes your lips as you try to reach for the tissue box on the bedside table. Although to no avail because the second your fingertips touch its side, the carton falls to the floor.
God, you hate being sick.
You hate being helpless and weak. You hate how heavy your whole body felt, how hard it was to do basic menial tasks. You hate how you had no appetite. On top of it all, you hate how you were missing valuable time with Eddie. 
It’s been four whole days since you last saw him. If your memory serves you correctly, this is the longest period of time the two of you had gone without hanging out since you first became friends.
Sadly, the stupid flu you caught wasn’t the only thing to blame here. There’s also the matter of the recent fight your friendship hasn’t really recovered from.
Thinking about Eddie, you slip back into unconsciousness.
You’re not sure how long you’d been asleep for when you wake up later. The bedroom is darker than before and it’s considerably cooler.
You can hear talking and footsteps. The noises seem far away yet close by at the same time. You blame the fever and are about to close your eyes again when there’s a knock on your bedroom door.
“Are you awake?”
A familiar voice asks quietly. You hum something in response and the next thing you know, the mattress dips under the weight of your visitor. You peep from underneath your covers and your heart skips a beat.
“How are you feeling?” Eddie asks, gently cupping your cheek.
“W-what are you doing here?,” you croak in response, “G-get out. I-I could get  you sick a-and then I-I would hate myself foreverrr...”
“Relax, sweetheart. Your mom says you’re not contagious anymore,” his voice is reassuring, “She also said they were going out so, and only if you’re up for moving, we can sit downstairs and watch something.”
And that’s how the two of you end up downstairs, on your sofa for a change, tangled up in each other's limbs. 
One of his arms is wrapped tightly around you, pulling you into his chest, while the other is propping your thigh against his hip. Your head is resting against him, just below his neck, while your hand is holding onto his side, fingers rubbing gentle circles into his t-shirt.
‘I’m The Greatest Star’ plays in the background.
You can feel his heartbeat. He can feel yours too. 
Neither of you say a word for the entire duration of the film.
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
It was your idea to switch it up again.
For totally selfish reasons — because it was getting really hard to be completely alone with him — rather than renting out a movie and watching it as usual in Eddie’s trailer, you suggested going to a drive-in.
Convincing your best friend was easy, after all they were playing ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’.
The two of you ended up taking your parent’s car which meant you were behind the wheel and he was in the passenger seat. 
You sat with your legs up on the chair and pressed against your chest, to allow you to bury your face in your knees whenever a gory scene was shown on screen.
Eddie on the other hand was completely relaxed in his spot, munching on the bag of trail mix he bought earlier that evening.
He sneaks glances in your direction, just to make sure you are doing okay. This is the first time the two of you are watching a slasher and he’s not close enough to let you hide in his embrace.
“Wanna cut this short?” Eddie asks, “Go get a milkshake or something?”
“No, no,” you answer and turn your head, resting it on your knees. “I gotta get through this film at least once since you’re gonna want to see the second one when it releases in theatres in a couple of months.”
Eddie smirks then raises a brow. “Wait, how do you know there’s going to be a second?”
“Steve told me.”
“You’ve been talking to Steve?”, he sounds jealous. He is jealous. 
You nod. “Yeah, I mean I can’t act weird whenever I go rent a movie just because we went on one rather unsuccessful date,” you explain, “Plus we live in the same area so I bump into him every now and again, he gives me a ride to work at the odd time.”
Eddie doesn’t know what to say. Well, actually he does, but it would be an irrational response that would most likely hurt your feelings and he couldn’t risk that. Not right now. Not after the two of you barely got over your last argument.
It’s not his place to tell you not to hang out with Harrington. Just as it wasn’t his place to tell you not to go on a date with the guy in the first place.
You’re quick to notice his doleful grimace. Extending a hand in his direction, you poke his tricep.
“I have to befriend someone else in case you abandon me for Betsy Bolton,” you tease, your best attempt to keep things normal.
Eddie glances down at his lap, his attention focusing on the empty spot on one of his fingers where the ring you now wore around your neck used to be. A warm sensation settles in the pit of his stomach and he knows in that moment, he can’t continue doing this charade with you.
It’s now or never.
“I’ve been ignoring Betsy,” he utters eventually. 
“Oh…” you murmur, “Why?”
And now he’s peeping back at you. Natural and ordinary go out the window. They’re replaced by shit, fuck, and what even is being platonic anymore?
He leans across the centre channel and as if on instinct, you let your legs fall from the seat and also incline in his direction. By the time he presses his forehead to yours, you’re shaking slightly because you know there are certain things that cannot be undone. 
(Was this a good idea? Or will you both regret this later?)
However, there’s really no time to think about the repercussions because his nose slides down the side of yours and his lips are inches away as they part, his hot breath sending a shiver down your spine.
“She’s not you,” Eddie whispers against your mouth and you’re done for.
One soft inhale later, and his lips brush yours lightly, then again with a little more intent, and again, only deeper. His hands are cupping your face while yours are gripping onto the collar of his denim vest as if your life depended on it.
All of the emotions that had been churning rose to the surface and exploded all at once.
With every passing second you’re melting into him further. The kisses get rougher. You’re biting his bottom lip. His tongue grazes yours. The two of you break apart and come together over and over again like magnets.
A few blissful moments later, Eddie draws back, quite unwillingly, to meet your amiable gaze.
“Shit, sweetheart,” he whispers and licks his lips, “You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to fucking do that.”
“Ditto,” you reply breathlessly and lean in to kiss him again, annoyed at yourself now for deciding on the drive-in instead of his comfortable couch.
THE BREAKFAST CLUB
Lately, everything is exhilarating.
Getting up in the morning is easier. The grim Hawkins weather doesn’t seem to bother you as much. Your family is far less insufferable. The people that come to the diner where you work aren’t as annoying. Life is good. 
It’s great actually. 
And all thanks to the curly haired boy currently reheating leftover lasagna you brought from home.
Ever since your first kiss at the drive-in, the two of you have been pretty much on top of one another. Constantly holding hands, hugging, making out, finally doing all of the things you both dreamt of for months on end. 
Eddie in particular found it hard to keep his hands to himself. Who could blame him? You were smoking hot and finally his.
At least unofficially.
Even though he’s thought about asking you to be his girlfriend on numerous occasions since the night at the drive-in, he hasn’t found the opportune moment. He also didn’t want to pressure you, because what if you didn’t want to be anything more than whatever it was the two of you were right now?
He couldn’t handle that kind of rejection so in the interim, this arrangement suited him just fine. That’s what he told himself at least.
“Just be careful, sweetheart,” he warns as he hands you a plate, “That microwave may be old but it’s got some kick to it. The food is piping.”
The corners of your mouth twitch upwards and you reach for the dish, thanking him. Eddie returns the smile and plops down on the sofa, in his spot next to you, before proceeding to resume the film.
‘Are all these your girlfriends?’
‘Some of them…’
‘What about the others?’
“I have to say,” you begin in between bites of food, “you kinda remind me of Bender.”
Eddie cocks his head in your direction and raises a brow at your admission. “Is it because I too have a wallet full of pictures of random chicks?”, he teases and you nudge his side using your elbow.
“Hilarious,” your tone is sarcastic, “I bet the photos you cherish most are of Chrissy and Betsy.”
‘Well, some I consider my girlfriends and some...I just consider…’
‘Consider what?’
‘Whether or not, I wanna hang out with them…’
He chuckles at your comment. “You’re an idiot,” he jokes and places the plate of food in his lap to free up his hands. He reaches over to hold your face, brushing his fingers gently along your jawline. 
“Actually, the only picture I have in my wallet is yours.”
Heat rushes to your cheeks, the revelation settling in the air. You almost want to ask him if he’s bluffing but judging by the glimmer in his eyes, you know he’s being honest.
You swallow your breath and lean in to peck his lips.
“So let me get this straight,” you murmur against his mouth and his grip on your face tightens ever so slightly, “A photo of me is in your wallet, I have one of your cherished rings around my neck, yet you still won’t ask me to be your girlfriend?”
‘You don't believe in just one guy, one girl?’
‘Do you?’
‘Yeah...that's the way it should be.’
Eddie smirks, his heart skipping a beat. He analyses every inch of your face, capturing this moment forever. God, he was the luckiest fucking guy in the world.
“And if I asked, would you say yes?”
“I would.”
He’s grinning now, as are you.
“Then I guess it’s settled, sweetheart. You’re my girlfriend now.”
His mouth slants over yours with ease, not giving you a chance to respond. His body pushes into yours and you have to be extra careful not to drop the dish you were still holding onto, (because pasta sauce is not the easiest to clean out of cushions).
Eddie’s mouth is possessive and it doesn’t take long for his tongue to breach your lips, the kiss now deeper than ever. 
Your heart is on a rampage as both your heads rotate back and forth to vary pressure. Tongues are dancing together, each trying to assert dominance. 
Eddie bites down on your bottom lip vigorously, causing a velvety moan to escape. The smooth sound of pleasure is music to his ears and breathless, he pulls away. This position isn’t working anymore, he wants to be able to touch you all over.
“I think you should put that plate to the side so we can move this to the bedroom,” he suggests, his hand slowly travelling down to your neck.
“But I wanna know how the movie ends,” you whine, teasing a little.
The doe-eyed boy smirks and releases you from his grip. Rather impatiently, he reaches for the half-eaten lasagna dish in your grasp to set it aside. He stands, extending you his hand which you take instantly.
He spins you around once and you land gracefully into his chest.
“I can tell you how it ends,” Eddie offers in a whisper, his arms sneaking around your waist, holding you in place.
“Oh yeah?”
He nods. “The guy gets the girl.” — and in the space of a heartbeat, Eddie lowers his mouth back down to yours with immense desire.
-
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i’ll go see you again tomorrow (spring is coming to an end) ; sashisu
[ part 0 - first meeting ]
synopsis; the gradual blossoming of a youth shared with three strange classmates, at the weird, isolated boarding school you all attend. as the seasons of your first year together pass, the relationship between you changes into something you don’t need to put into words to understand.
word count; 1.6k
contents; sashisu/reader (but can be read as either platonic or romantic, or something inbetween!! i wrote it with the latter in mind), gn!reader, no curses au (dw they’re all still a little bit insane and damaged), very shoujo manga-esque, reader is a little bit in love with all their friends, just wholesome comfy vibes :), characters may be ooc but pls bear with me </3
a/n; this is the shorter opening piece of a sashisu/reader series i’m writing and the first out of six planned parts!! :> the rest will be much longer this is just me setting the tone. sorta. i’m extremely normal about sashisu and i wanted to write something summery and sweet so <3
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you first meet them in a sun-soaked classroom, with blue-tinted windows.
the room in question, clearly not having been of use for some time, is just a little dusty. enough that you notice it, nose scrunching up as your gaze trails over the space.
tiny specks of light dance around, meeting and intersecting between the gaps where streaks of sunlight fall and illuminate the floorboards. they’re oddly mesmerizing, a little hard to forget. the flicker of their movement begins to etch itself into your retinas; for some reason, you can’t quite take your eyes off them.
eventually, your attention is caught by something else, coaxing you into moving your gaze towards the translucent windows. they glimmer softly, tantalizingly in the sunlight, reflecting the blue of the sky. through the glass, it’s all you can see at first — a sky so blue that it’s a little irritating. big, white clouds are scattered like splotches of paint across a blue canvas, treading gently over the boundary of your vision. 
in a similar fashion, the ground of the schoolyard is littered with dots of white. for just a second, you delude yourself into thinking that it’s snow; it’s not until you spot the skeletal trees and their pale blossoms that you see them for what they are. soft petals flutter down to the ground eagerly, covering everything in a pure white. 
it really is eerily reminiscent of a snowy landscape, ephemeral in its beauty. it gives you the impression of having stepped over some sort of threshold, into another realm, another world entirely. coated in apricot blossoms, soaked in sunlight.
(it shouldn’t be possible from where you’re standing, behind the windows — but the scent reaches you all the same. everything smells of apricots.)
it’s springtime, and you’re in the prime of your youth. 
a youth you’re about to share with three other kids, all standing in front of you and wearing mildly indifferent expressions as you give each other a brief glance.
you try not to stare too hard, but it’s difficult to resist the temptation. three new classmates, mysterious and just slightly intimidating; two guys, and one girl. the tiny glances you steal at them aren’t very sneaky, but you doubt they’d care, when they’re all doing the same. 
you study their appearances, eager to sate the curiosity clawing at your heart.
the girl is pretty.
the expression on her face is laid-back, almost bored, and she looks a little like she doesn’t quite want to be here. her hair reaches down to her chin, just barely, brown and smooth and silky. estimating her exact height is a little tough; you can tell she’s fairly short, but you don’t know how much of it is exaggerated, courtesy of her placement between the other two. their lanky legs and broad shoulders only make her look smaller in comparison.
her eyes are chestnut-coloured, a little dim, somewhat hazy. there’s a mole under one of her eyes, too, and you’re acutely aware of how charming you find it. you’re relieved to have at least one girl in your class, anyhow. you hope she’s nice.
the boy on her right is pretty, too. 
he’s much taller, and wearing a somewhat serious expression, but something about him feels almost comforting all the same. he seems relaxed, but also sharp, as his eyes trail across the room. his hair is black and silky, and it’s long — or so you assume, judging by the fact that he’s got it in a bun. two things about him stand out in particular; one, the black gauges on his ears, and two, a single lock of hair framing his face. his hair is tied up and neat, prim and proper, with the exception of his bangs. you don’t think it looks bad, exactly, but it’s an odd choice.
at first glance, you think his eyes are black, but when a ray of sunlight falls across his face you realize that they’re brown. a deep colour, oddly soothing, warm. little sparks of amber glitter in the depths of his irises, illuminated only by the sun. it gives you the impression that there’s more to him than meets the eye.
then there’s the other boy. 
he’s the most intimidating out of the three, without a doubt, though you still can’t pinpoint exactly why. he strikes you as particularly unnerving; maybe it’s the expression on his face, that you can’t seem to identify. he’s also tall, very tall, even taller than the other guy — though only by a smidge. he towers over you slightly, and that unnerves you even further. there’s something in the way he’s standing that almost seems a little menacing. his hair is white, and soft, and just a tad messy. and he’s wearing a pair of round sunglasses, even though you’re indoors.
you can’t see his eyes well, behind the black glass, but you get the vague impression that they’re blue when sunlight cascades down the contours of his face and reflects in them.
you take another moment to simply look at them, observing them, as if trying to reach some sort of conclusion about what they’re like. it doesn’t really work, but you do get some semblance of an impression.
finally, your teacher clears his throat, breaking the silence of the classroom — urging you to hurry up and get the introductions done and over with. the impatient reminder snaps all four of you out of your collective trance.
the first person to speak up is the boy with the weird bangs. that alone gives you a sense of his personality; polite, proper, the first to do the thing no one really wants to do. 
”my name is suguru geto,” he begins, well mannered. ”it’s nice to meet you.” his voice is pleasant, somehow. nice to listen to. there’s something comforting about it, that you can’t quite place; it sounds almost familiar, like you’ve heard it all your life.
then, the cute girl chimes in, casual and unbothered as she fiddles with something in her pocket. ”shoko ieiri. just call me shoko,” she says, short and sweet. 
she really is pretty, you muse, bathed in the streaks of sunlight falling haphazardly across the room. and she seems nice, not uptight or obnoxious; the kind of person that’s easy to talk to, easy to be friends with. you think you like her already. but she notices your lingering stare, and so you look away, gaze falling to the floorboards.
finally, after a slight pause, the boy with the sunglasses speaks up. you still can’t get a good read on his expression. ”… satoru gojo,” is all he says, and you can’t seem to grasp his tone of voice, either. 
it irks you, though. you’re not sure why. you almost get the sense that he thinks he’s appeasing you, by introducing himself, like hearing his name is a priviliege. that, and you feel a little like you’re being dissected when his gaze falls on you — like he’s weighing your value, deciding your worth. you think you almost catch a glimpse of his eyes behind the black tint of his glasses, and they strike you as acutely menacing, bright blue and uncanny. you decide that you don’t like him, and that his sunglasses are kinda ugly.
their gazes fall on you, at last. 
you’re the only one whose name they don’t know, now. it’s a kind of power, in a way, the power of mystery. intrigue. their stares feel heavy on your skin, and you feel more than a little nervous; but you’re intent on following the silent cue, all the same. 
and you do so, dutifully, raising your hand up in a silent hello before tentatively saying your name. then, in a voice you hope doesn’t come across as bored or unpleasant:
”— it’s nice to meet you.”
some of them hum in affirmation, as if to say it’s nice to meet you too — others remain silent. even when the introductions are finished, you continue to look at each other, vaguely and discreetly, as if trying to look inside each other’s heads. 
but then your teacher begins to speak, in an authorative voice, and you’re snapped out of the trance, once more. 
he babbles on and on, about something you’re sure is important, something about the school and the classes you’ll be having and the dorms and so on. you try to listen, you really do, but it’s tough — you vaguely get the gist, but all you can really think about is your classmates, still so mysterious and intimidating.
you try to repeat their names, inside your mind, trying to ingrain them into your memory.
suguru geto, shoko ieiri, and satoru gojo.
you still don’t really know what to think about them. shoko will probably be fairly easy for you to warm up to, but the other two are a different story. all three of them seem to have strong personalities, reflected in their eyes; a dim hazel, a deep umber, and a stark azure. you don’t know what’s hidden in them, but you have a strange inkling that you will, in due time.
that’s how the four of you meet. and in this moment, as you look into their eyes for the first time, you have no idea how much your life has changed — how much they’ll change it for the better.
you only know that it’s springtime, and that you’re in the prime of your youth. 
a youth you’re about to spend with these three kids in front of you, who you know nothing about. some part of your soul urges you to find out, for yourself.
maybe you will.
(outside the sun-soaked classroom, through the blue-tinted windows, the world observes your meeting with bated breath and barely contained excitement.)
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part i
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ashascoven · 1 month
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❃☆ showering w/ the pyromaniac rat man ☆❃ pt. 1
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☆ so hi!! um!! welcome to my first fanfic lolz (im nervous about posting this can you tell ?!?! o(*°▽°*)o)
☆ im rlly new to posting on tumblr, but ive been reading fanfics on here for a WHILE!! it's inspired me to write a silly one about my favorite lanky robber <3 if theres any mistakes, PLEASE hit my line abt it (i beg)
☆ here is part 2, which is smut/nsfw, also on my profile!
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☆ FANFIC DEETS! junkratxreader ☆
reader is a female who's known for working with plants
VERY lengthy build-up fanfic (LOTS of reading, buckle up yall)
fluff??
emotional stuff, but nothing intense (??)
first time writing an australian accent, pls lmk if anythings weird!!
hope u enjoy :,D
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“Hggshmmshh.. peeaachh c-c.. cobbler.. mmh.. eeheeheeheh!! Piee..”
“Dammit! Move over, rat-ass!” 
You felt as if you had finally managed to doze off only a couple minutes ago. 
One second you're about to drift away into a somewhat decent sleep, counting flying sheep and letting your drool start to fall.
The next, you're getting whacked in the head with a metallic hand or shoved by a wooden peg in one of your sides.
Having to share a bed with a loudly snoring pyro-freak who reeked of gunpowder and body odor was not a promising night of rest, especially in a room of pure humidity and sweat. 
The mattress beneath you two was unbalanced and squeaky, the walls surrounding it adorning overgrowing vines and tears in its paper.
His twisting, turning, n’ noises didn't make it any better, but it was kind of reassuring in the sense that you weren't sleeping alone.
When was the last time he even showered anyway? 
Does this man know how to?
How does he sleep like this?
The more you questioned the Australian in your head, the more his body managed to keep sprawling across the queen sized mattress you two shared. 
Both his normal and prosthetic limbs jabbed at your back, his armed belt straps and gauntlets not contributing to your comfort whatsoever. 
“Fucking- MOVE!”
You gripped at the bed and gave him one kick in the ass with your bare foot. 
The maniac yelped himself into a giggling fit, somehow still remaining asleep. 
God, what's his secret to being such a happy sleeper?
With one last scoff, you nearly pushed him off of the bed, but you didn't think twice about it.
Rolling your eyes, you returned to your previous position with your back facing him, crossing your arms and trying to let your eyes close again.
You thought about the mission you two were given together, recalling it hundreds of times in your head to hopefully quench at your inability to have a comfortable sleep.
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Back at one of those Overwatch HQ meetings, they discussed wanting to try something new while still maintaining everyone's duties. 
Experimenting with how different heroes and scientists worked one-on-one with one another for “observational purposes,” they said.
Gibberish about increasing the rate of productivity within our cause by cutting down our dispatched team sizes.. 
“More groups of heroes can get sent out on more missions if distributed differently..!”
Blah-blah-blah..
You ignored all of the blabbering at the time, your ears only ever being open for what sounded most important and intriguing.
“It'll be an educational experience for great future references-” 
You reaaaallyy didn't think you'd be in one of the duo dispatches, yet here you were, somehow still in the flesh.
All that was asked of you both was to keep a watch out for anything suspicious at some abandoned town in the middle of who-even-fucking-knows.
Wooden huts n’ houses that were falling apart, yet they somehow still formed and held a small community of humble elders.
Supposedly, this place was a possible target of some well-feared terrorist group, and “Grandpa Jack” wanted you two to scout.
Discussion about exposed plans for making sure as many innocent people as possible experienced war “too” made your blood boil. 
It didn't make sense to you, the whole “no pain, no gain” mindset.
Clearly these people chose to live all the way out here to get AWAY from the danger, why force that on some old people anyway?
With their lack of clean drinking water and functioning power in an empty desert, you were sure they've already seen enough.
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“Haven't we lost thousands of innocent civilians already? Omnic or not, they can't just keep coming up with all of this frivolous shit and throw it at us..!”
You grumbled to yourself outloud, unconsciously turning to face the ultimate rat that was laying behind you.
“Why would they send us here if they KNEW there were people out here who needed help? Wasting precious time by sending two of us out here instead of a whole team is beyond me, honestly! We'll just keep getting killed and..” 
Your eyes ended up catching onto your distorted reflection on the goggles that Jamison wore to bed.
It made you trail off and unball your fists, causing you to think about the old people again.
You thought about how much you were gonna get onto HQ's ass to seek a better home for them all.
They were sweet to you and Jamie, and you were pretty sure he would try to take one or two to keep as parents of his own.
Considering he didn't have any living ones anymore, it would check out.
Your eyes wandered off onto the flickering of the dying light bulb hanging bare off the ceiling.
The bulb hung right behind mister sleeping beauty, holding on by torn wires.
You were surprised your sleeping partner hadn't managed to somehow pull it down in his sleep yet. The thought made you smile for a bit, letting your face rest.
Then, your hand reached up to Jamison's face. 
You didn't think much about it since your mind was more on other things still, but you unconsciously held his cheek.
You watched as he smiled in his sleep, gently putting his own hands on yours and nuzzling into your touch. 
The feeling of his rough palm against your skin along with the metal of his other one sent a chill through your body, but you didn't pull away.
Just looking at him resting like a baby put your mind at ease for a bit.. It helped calm your grumpiness from not being able to sleep these past few nights.
It’s been the longest mission yet, and also the first one that you’ve slept together with a person you were sent with.
You ran your thumb over his lightly chapped bottom lip, your mind finally winding itself down.
You two had somewhat of a record of being assigned missions together, but you were never as close to each other as this. 
Something about the way your silly acquaintance slept carelessly in front of you was strangely inviting.
You swallowed your emotions and repressed your urges to suddenly hug the rat man, drawing your thumb lower to his chin. 
You ran it over his speckled face hair, still letting him hug your arm. 
“Mmmmh.. G-gosh, so.. so waaarmm..! waarmm like a maarshmaallooww.. eheeh..!!”
He chuckled in his sleep as his hugging turned into more aggressive snuggling.
It made you wonder if he'd remember anything once he woke up.
Outside of those thoughts, you were heavily caught off guard.
You didn't know if you wanted to comfortingly rub at his hair, continue holding his face, or try to hug him entirely.
Internally? You wanted to do all of those things, but it didn't feel right yet.
Despite all the deep talks you've had with Jamie on the drives and flights to missions together, you guys were still just friends at work, right?
Would it be weird to treat a friend as such? 
Did he think you two were even friends?
You always had a tendency to overthink the simplest of things.
Questions would fog your mind the split second a minor inconvenience popped up, you struggled to help that “problem” all your life.
Yet, your time spent with him so far made it feel like your questioning wasn't a problem at all. 
You always wanted to know the specifics and the “why” or “how” in anything that interested you.
Jamison was similar. He fed into your talks about figuring out what's after death, your master-list of alternatives to milk JUST for enjoying it with cereal. your wonders about what being an omnic felt like, and even your rambles about plants having feelings.
He was so invested into the plant talk that he now avoids stepping on anything green to show you that he cared about nature's heart too.
He admired your outlook on everything, the way you approach things by being your real self.
He also liked that you didn't look down on him for having an explosive personality. 
Everyone else at HQ had something against the lanky robber, but you didn't hate him at all. You two matched each other in the way that you were both transparent and almost always had a fixation or a story to share.
His eyes practically turned into sparkles whenever you two got into your deep conspiracy talks because no one else bothered to entertain his yappering about bombs, especially with mutual ranting about something else.
It was nice, soo..
You guys had to at least be friends, right?
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“Mate! Earth’s waitin’ for your grand return! Ya aren’t dead yet.. Are ya, plant woman?”
Friends.. Yeah. You thought you two were cool buddies for all it’s worth.
“Aye! I knooow, me charmin’ physique’s too much to take in aaall at ooonce but-!”
It’s crazy how you were thinking about his eyes sparkling because.. Huh, how come they’re doing it right now?
“I can’t have ya dyin’ on me yet.. Ain’t no doctors around to come and shock ya awake!”
Gosh, who knew the local bombardier had such a twinkle to his eyes anyway?
“Is yer brain workin’? Want me to.. rewire it for ya?”
Twinkle.. twinkle.. twinkle..~
“Well, she’ll be apples! Ya goootta snap outta it mate! What is it ya want this time? An autograph? Some lollies? Aye! Aye..!”
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You were so zoned out into the thought of his eyes, you didn’t even register that you were now actually looking at them; he had woken up.
Your hand was still on his face too, but he wasn’t hugging it anymore. 
His robotic right hand was knocking the top of your head lightly while his skinned left one was holding your cheek. 
His facial expression was one of concern despite his messy blonde hair and some drool glistening off the side of his mouth.
With the way he clearly scooted closer to you, you two were actually really close to each other this time.
“Woaahh.. Ooh.. Oh..? OH!!” You froze up again, covering your mouth and (almost literally) getting knocked out of your trance.
“Whew!” Jamison sighed in relief.
“There's me’ plant woman! Turns out me charm was too much for ya to handle afteraaalll!” He chuckled, quickly shifting into a lounging model pose and striking you a sly grin.
“O-Oh.. Oh my gosh! H-How long was I like that?” You panicked a little, wiping sweat from your forehead and quickly rubbing it into the tail of your shirt.
“Since me eyes opened up! Let's say.. ‘bout half a’ hour?”
“H-half an hour?!?”
“Yeah! Are ya alright? Did ya think me eyes were THAT gorgeous?” He chuckled, rubbing his chin. 
“Pshh..” You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms once again.
“It’s alright if ya think so! I think so too! But, ya aren’t allowed to tell me fans that! Ehehe~!” He grinned, suddenly wrapping his arms around you and jokingly snuggling his head against the top of yours.
“E-eugh!! Fans my ass! Wait until they find out that you probably don't even wash yours, you stinky!” You exclaimed, trying to push your way out of his arms but to no avail.
“S-stinky?!?! Hey-! There's a’ supa’ top secret special essence in me junker way o’ livin..! T-the cleanest ya'd ever know!! How 'bout ya take a smell~!??” He challenged, immediately shoving his arm pits in your face and keeping you in his grasp.
“GOD! Quit it!! You smell terrible-! Ugh!!! Let me go right now!”
“Nuh-uh! Hatin’ on me wondrous magnificence ain't nice!”
“Your breath's gonna kill me, you bastard! Agh!! You literally need a bath!!!” You were muffling into his arms, trying to push him away even harder. 
You managed to push yourself upwards, but you still were trapped in his grasp as he giggled n’ snuggled away. 
As much as you hated to admit it, his silliness was really comforting, charming in it's own way even.
Yeah.. he didn't smell the best, but!!.. He was kind of fun to be around. It was hardly ever boring around the rat man.
“Fine, whatever,” You sighed, no longer fighting to leave his sweaty arms.
“Your eyes are.. nice to look at. Anyway, I'm tired and somehow comfortable in this position so if you move weirdly, I'm pushing you off the bed.”
He loudly gasped, his eyes widening and sparkling so much so that you could've sworn staring directly into them would've blinded you.
“Y-ya really m-mean it?!!?!! A-about.. me eyes?!? OoooOOoohh~! I.. H-How I could jus’ kis-”
You cut him off by wrapping your arms around his head. His face was buried into your chest while his arms were still around you.
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You felt him freeze, his immediate blush against your chest practically able to burn through you. He didn't scream or pull away, just sat there for a bit, shocked at someone hugging him back for once.
You sighed out again in content, now leaning your face on top of his head. His hair felt surprisingly soft against your cheek, but he still smelled bad.
“God, you smell so terrible.. but.. you're kinda.. comfy and..- Okay you're actually very comfy what the hell.” 
You gushed, your leaning turning into you practically snuggling against his hair.
The rat man stayed frozen in his position, shock taking over his body. For once, it wasn't one of those triggering shocks that turned his trauma into adrenaline; it was a.. refreshing kind of shock? The kind that was making him realize how starved from affection he really was for so long.
He felt like a deer mesmerized by headlights.
“If only you didn't move so much in your sleep, tsk tsk.. I can totally get over the strong burnt tire smell for how snuggly your hair is thoug-”
“Ihh shay..”
He suddenly muffled through your chest, but quieter than his normal tone.
“Eh?”
One of his fingers twitched.
“..Ihh shay shihh!”
“Fucking- Get out of there and spit it out!”
You pouted, pulling his face out of your chest’s cave to look him in the eyes and hear him properly.
“I-I’ll stay.. still! m-mighty still.. i-if ya keep on.. rubbin’ that pretty face on ma’ skull.. p-please? please mate!!”
‘Absolutely the fuck not!’ is what you almost instinctively said, but something about this weird man’s vulnerability around you gave you a feeling his request wasn’t ill intended. 
He nudged you into a softer tone towards him for the night, so you silently raised a brow. He kept pleading, his sparkling eyes bouncing between you and the rest of the room.
“I-I ain't had anyone.. touch me ‘air, l-let alone me whole body i-in years! Feels comfortin’- so- i- uh- p-please mate! i won't be buggin’ ya’ rest any longer i-if ya felt kind ‘nough to.. perhaps grant me thee honor-!?”
“I’m doing it, so hush up.”
“Y-yes m’lady”
He quickly blurted out, before burying his face back in-between your chest with a relieved giggle.
“Hah, for someone who goes by being a rat, you're sure acting like a puppy right now.”
“Y-ya really think so!?”
“Yeah sure, but- hmph, the ‘junk’ part still applies. I'm so close to dragging you into a bath myself..”
“>:(“
“Wait.. This kinda gives me an idea..” 
A mischievous grin growing on your face as you mumbled to yourself.
“Whaddya say?”
He grumbled, oblivious to your scheming. You slowly tried pulling away from him, but to no avail.. He unconsciously scooted closer into your arms with each pull.
“..nothing, ratty-poo.” 
You pushed him away quickly with your hands now gripping his shoulders.
“A-ay mate! W-whaddya push me away foorrr? I was enjoyin’ me time in there.. :(“
He yelped in response, his arms now crossing with a pout.
“No more snuggling until you take a bath!”
“W-whuh!?”
“I'm not cuddling your hair until you wash it.”
“..noooo :((“
“No shower, no snuggle!!”
“:(((... Fine..”
“W-wait- You're giving in that easil-?”
“JUNK ATTACK!!!!”
He yelled, diving back into your chest with his arms around your waist once again. You scoffed, not cuddling or holding him back.
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“Rat-ass.”
“Y-yes m-m’lady..??”
“I'm giving you five seconds to get off of me, or I'll kick you off.-”
“N-no!! P-please mate!-”
“I'll go and grab a bucket of ice cold water to throw at you so help me you don't mov-”
You've never seen a tall grown man back up to the edge of a bed so quickly.
“GO.”
You yelled, pointing violently at the bathroom door.
“NEIN!”
“I SAID GO!”
“NO!”
“You want more cuddles from me, right, ratty-poo..?~”
Your tone softened as you twirled your hair and pleaded your eyes at him.
“I- u-uh- y-yes m-m'lady but-”
“THEN GO BATHE!”
He whined another ‘no’ in response, crossing his legs and arms while looking away.
You sighed, before crawling across the bed and hooking your arm around his.
“Lord.. What am I gonna do with you..”
“W-well I- AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!”
“GET YOUR ASS IN THAT SHOWER JAMIE!!”
You yelled again as you held him in a headlock position.
As he whined, you held him there for a bit, thinking.
“Hmm..”
“You l-let go of me t-this instant mate! T-the junkers back in me home town w-wont be pleased with how you're behavin’ towards me greatnes-”
“What if we took a bath together?”
“-and once they find out what you've- huh-!?!”
“You and me, we bathe together. I'll literally help you clean up if it means you won't stink in bed.”
You said casually as you quickly faced him towards you and dropped him onto the bed. He landed on his back with his arms above his head while you sat on top of him.
Questionable position if you may, but you dare not complain about the view.
He was too in shock to notice it either.
He stared at you wide eyed. 
He opened his mouth and put a finger up to say something multiple times, only to close it with more thought and look away, his finger curling up and down with each pause.
He thought about the offer for the long time.
Then, he rubbed his chin. You watched carefully, not letting your guard fall in case he felt like randomly wrapping himself around you again.
“Hmph.. if t-that’s what it'll take.. then I suppose a.. mighty handsome fella like me.. wouldn't mind bathin’ with a.. pretty.. f-flower woman like you!”
“Uh huh..-”
“B-but under one of me’ own conditions!”
“.. you're what now-”
“Bath cuddles?”
He clapped his hands together in a praying motion, pleading with those damn sparkly eyes again. It's like he just does it in command at this point..
“God, what are we, a couple?”
You yawned with closed eyes. 
“I-I.. W-well! Your one an’ only gentleman of’uh bombardier wouldn't complain!”
He nervously smiled and blushed, his gold tooth shining comically as he said that.
It earned a giggle out of you, followed with covered mouth mumbling.
‘You’re so silly, it's kind of attractive..’
“Whaddya say, me’ pretty plant-y mistress?”
“I said, you're so silly, it's kind of.. u-uh- cool-? I guess??!? I don't- Mistress!?- I- W-whatever- C’mon, let's go! Into the baaathh we goo..! C’mon c’moonn..”
You spurted out, getting up and dragging him by the arm into the bathroom. 
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You didn't really think through the fact that.. this man would be so close to you while you two were undressed.
Oddly enough, he didn't give the vibe of someone who'd try anything, but it was still weird. 
One second you're forced to share a bed with this guy.. And the next? You've convinced him to take a shower with you??? Weird..-o!!
When you two made it, you both kind of just stared at the bathroom and each other for a minute. 
It was a decently sized room, but the entirety of it was a shower.. literal shower room?.. whatever.
There wasn't a sink or toilet like the bathrooms you were used to. 
Instead, there was just one large shower head in the center of the room, a drain in a corner, and tiles that patterned the floor and walls in a creamy gradient. The two handles for the shower were next to the doorway, labeled for their temperatures.
There were also two slim windows higher up on two walls facing each other, slightly cracked for the steam.
The only light you guys had came from either these windows, or from the doorway to the room you shared, so it was acceptably dim.
Some vines creeped through corners here and there, but it was surprisingly much cleaner than the rest of the hut you guys stayed in. The non-direct warm lighting really set the vibe.
As you turned both of the handles halfway, you watched in surprise as the rat man happily stripped at whatever he had on, going for a dive on the shower floor as if it were a kid’s waterslide with a ‘yippee!!’
It immediately followed with a groan of pain from him, and a reactive facepalm from you.
With a sigh of ‘Oh, what I'll even do with him..’ (ironic), you quickly undid your hair and stripped off your clothes while he wasn't looking.
He swiveled around right as you finished, watching in awe as you awkwardly shuffled onto the floor next to him with a travel sized bottle of soap and a mini loofa.
“S-ssheesh..” he gaped, “what a beautiful woman..”
“T-thanks, b-but don't look too hard, silly guy.” You joked lightheartedly and rolled your eyes, your initiative agenda from before going out of the window because of the attractive man in front of you.
The hot steamy water combined with how it washed away some of the rat man’s dirt made his revealed skin slightly harder to not drool over..
..but you fought any urges or sudden fantasies you had right then and there. 
‘It’s just the lack of sleep getting to me,’ you quickly scolded yourself in your head, ‘.. there's no way I shoul- COULD see him like that, yep..’
“You're.. not too shabby yourself..” You muttered to get it out of your system, painfully controlling your hands from wandering. Thankfully, he probablyyy didn't hear you. 
With that, you were getting to work with your soap on his arms, trying not to think too hard about the man before you.
“Caaan I have me cuddlin’ time with ya noooww, plant womaaan?”
“Noo! I just started with you and I'm not done yet, rat-head.. Be patient n’ be quiet.” You grumbled, finishing his arms and scrubbing his back like a concerned mother.
“Pleeeaaaaseeee…????” He covered his eyes and whined as you made way to his torso with your loofah. The scrubber was barely holding on and you weren't anywhere near finished..
“Don't make me tie you down in here just to get you clean, bastard..” You threatened, moving from his back to his front side. You held at one side of his torso, scrubbing away.
He moved his hands from his face to his sides, looking down at you with that puzzled gaze once again. You glanced up at him with a raised brow before looking back down at your work.
You weren't actually all too irritated. Tired, yes, but it was actually kind of destressing being able to work your hands at something like this. 
You were also literally.. bathing a grown ass man, but you'd be lying if you said anything about preferring to be at home, bored and alone.
At least this mission gave you some kind of purpose, and alongside an entertaining goofball as well. It could be much worse, but it really wasn't bad at all which you liked.
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Suddenly, he started patting your head, a close eyed grin on his face.
“Oouuhh… M-mate, ya know.. Thanks a lot for this! I appreciate ya’, I really do!”
“Don't sweat it, poo-face, you were already sweating enough in bed anyway..” You chuckled with another playful eye roll.
“If you weren't gonna bathe yourself, something had to be done for BOTH OF us to catch some rest for the mission, and goddess KNOWS I can't sleep with a loud stinky man..” You responded mindlessly, gently grabbing his face by his jaw and scrubbing his neck.
“It gets.. hard sometimes,” he threw his head back with a sigh, “I know I'm supposed ‘tuh.. do it all me’ self but, I lose me’ mind to the world o’ bombs!” He chuckled.
“You don't say…” You coughed with sarcasm, still listening and cleaning. He's used to your personality by now, and he knows you never really mean any harm.
“Oh, but I do! Even with me’ prosthetics, it jus’ makes it harder n’.. I could never fancy the time to.. uh.. keep takin’ em’ on n’ off..”
“..It bugs me, the pain, it's a reeaall.. buggin' feeling, both in me’ arms n’ legs.. n’.. the mind. It does somethin’ to ya, makes people call ya crazy!” He gestured by wiggling his normal arm, then his robotic one in comparison. 
You put his arms down like an annoyed cat, but you weren't actually annoyed, just trying to reach over him to attempt washing his hair.
“..but really ‘m not.. I.. I just resort to.. expressin’ what takes it all away.. and uh! bein’ me!, ya’ kno- Aauh.. T-that feels.. holy..” He cut himself off, sighing in relief. You had bowed his head under the running water for you to better reach him, unknowingly giving him a more direct view of your bare chest. 
“A-Anything to take me’ mind off the.. A-ahem-.. the uh.. rot.. the distinct feelin’ of not bein’ the same as everyone else.. anymore.” He cleared his throat, awkwardly trying not to stare as he spoke, but you didn't think much about it.
“People stay clear of me all the time! N’ they think I don't be noticin’ b-but I do!” He ran a hand through his hair after you moved down to his legs.
“It hurts, but.. I just keep doin’ me’, I try not to stay in me’ past, live for me’ mum, n’ keep it movin’!”
“Oh! That's also why I like ya’ mate!” He smiled, throwing up finger guns.
“Whuh- Really?” You looked at him.
“Yeah! You don't treat me funny for me’ quirks! You always seemed like.. a couple screws loose in somebody’s noggin never bothered ya’! Me’ motors don't drive ya’ wild, do I?” 
“Pshhh… You definitely drive me crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm never down for a wild adventure with you, rat-ass.”
“See? Ya’ get me! I know your tired n’ all, n’ I'm sorry for takin’ away from your beauty rest like this but..” He scratched his chin and sighed, looking to the side.
“Thanks mate, r-really..” He mumbled, shuffling closer and wrapping his arms around you for a genuine hug.
“I- U-uh-.. Your.. welcome? All I've done was treat you like.. a normal human being? As you.. should be?” You awkwardly hugged him back, confused.
You pulled away, your hands on his shoulders.
“Despite our friendship, I don't know what it is you've REALLY really been through, but no matter how tired or over it I may seem, I still think you're hella cool of a guy.” You warmed up to his hug, patting his back.
“Whenever you wanna chat about.. literally anything in the world, you know who to come to, silly.. Seriously, don't ever sweat it.” You smiled and yawned, going back to washing his upper body off for a second, more gentler time. 
You were surprised he didn't question the hot water in hot weather or how quickly it managed to cool you guys off. It was definitely making you more sleepy though.
“T-thanks, plant woman..” He wiped away a tear, sighing with a contentful “aah” as you tended to him. He leaned back, taking in the feeling of your care.
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“Ya know, you're reeaaal good at this.. are ya’, perhaps, experienced ‘n bathing other people?” 
“Wh- This is.. how baths are meant to be taken, no?”
“T-together??!? Mate, I’d kill to have this luxury of bein’ cleaned by ya’ like this all the time!!”
“Whuh- No! I m-meant.. the soap and water, you fucking peanut.”
“Ooh.. W-well!” he pointed a finger up, “I don't care ‘bout standin’ under some lousy water for a’ hour! But.. ya’ make me want to if it means you'll be the one cleanin’ me!”
“You're an adult, Jamie.”
“Don't forget me’ prosthetics-”
“They're literally waterproof sealed..”
“How would ya’ even know that!?”
“You told me this in our past rant sessions, twice I might add.. Something about avoiding radiactiv-”
“Screw you, mate! ( ` ロ ´ )”
“..You probably would though. (>ᴗ•)”
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☆ if anyone actually makes it this far, tysm for reading!! feedback is 100% welcomed and appreciated <33
☆ i promise ill get the smut out for this eventually.. ill also make a pinned request post soon!! with graduation coming up, im a bit busy :((.. BUT ITLL ALL COME!
☆ ^^ update, here it is!!
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☆ enjoy ur day/night yall! eat, stay hydrated, and keep loving junkrat fr ♡( ◡‿◡ )
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rockalillygirl · 6 months
Text
Mamma mia here we go again…
So I have more thoughts because apparently there’s no bottom to the murderbot mindhole I’ve fallen down.
(Spoiler warning- minor stuff from several of the books, pls check tags etc.)
I’ve been reading a lot of things recently exploring Murderbot as an unreliable narrator, which I think is a cool result of System Collapse (because we all know our beloved MB is going through it in this one). There’s also been some interesting related discussion of MB’s distrust of and sometimes biased assessment/treatment of other constructs and bots.
And I’ve been reading a lot about CombatUnits! And I want to talk about them!!
Main thoughts can be summarized as follows:
We don’t see a lot about CombatUnits in the books, and I think what we do see from MB’s pov encourages the reader to view them as less sympathetic than other constructs.
I’m very skeptical of this portrayal for reasons.
The existence of CombatUnits makes me fucking sad and I have a lot of feelings about them!
I got introduced to the idea of MB as an unreliable narrator in a post by onironic It analyzes how in SC, MB seems to distrust Three to a somewhat unreasonable degree, and how it sometimes infantilizes Three or treats it the way human clients have treated it in the past. The post is Amazing and goes into way more detail, so pls go read it (link below):
https://www.tumblr.com/onironic/736245031246135296?source=share
So these ideas were floating around in my brain when I read an article Martha Wells recently published in f(r)iction magazine titled “Bodily Autonomy in the Murderbot Diaries”. I’ll link the article here:
(Rn the only way to access the article is to subscribe to the magazine or buy an e-copy of the specific issue which is $12)
In the article, Wells states that MB displaced its fear of being forced to have sex with humans onto the ComfortUnit in Artificial Condition. I think it’s reasonable to assume that MB also does this with other constructs. With Three, I think it’s more that MB is afraid if what it knows Three is capable of, or (as onironic suggests in their post and I agree with) some jealousy that Three seems more like what humans want/expect a rogue SecUnit to be.
But I want to explore how this can be applied to CombatUnits, specifically.
We don’t learn a lot about them in the books. One appears for a single scene in Exit Strategy, and that’s it. What little else we know comes from MB’s thoughts on them sprinkled throughout the series. To my knowledge, no other character even mentions them (which raises interesting questions about how widely-known their existence is outside of high-level corporate military circles).
When MB does talk about CombatUnits in the early books, it’s as a kind of boogeyman figure (the real “murderbots” that even Murderbot is afraid of). And then when one does show up in ES, it’s fucking terrifying! There’s a collective “oh shit” moment as both MB and the reader realize what it’s up against. Very quickly what we expect to be a normal battle turns into MB running for its life, desperately throwing up hacks as the CombatUnit slices through them just as fast. We and MB know that it wouldn’t have survived the encounter if its humans hadn’t helped it escape. So the CombatUnit really feels like a cut above the other enemies in the series.
And what struck me reading that scene was how the CombatUnit acts like the caricature of an “evil robot” that MB has taught us to question. It seems single-mindedly focused on violence and achieving its objective, and it speaks in what I’d call a “Terminator-esque” manner: telling MB to “Surrender” (like that’s ever worked) and responds to MB’s offer to hack its governor module with “I want to kill you” (ES, pp 99-100).
(Big tangent: Am I the only one who sees parallels between this and how Tlacey forces the ComfortUnit to speak to MB in AC? She makes it suggest they “kill all the humans” because that’s how she thinks constructs talk to each other (AC, pp 132-4). And MB picks up on it immediately. So why is that kind of talk inherently less suspicious coming from a CombatUnit than a ComfortUnit? My headcanon is that I’m not convinced the CombatUnit was speaking for itself. What if a human controller was making it say things they thought would be intimidating? Idk maybe I’ve been reading too many fics where CombatUnits are usually deployed with a human handler. There could be plenty of reasons why the CombatUnit would’ve talked like that. I’m just suspicious.)
(Also, disclaimer: I want to clarify before I go on that I firmly believe that even though MB seems to be afraid of CombatUnits and thinks they’re assholes, it would still advocate for them to have autonomy. I’m not trying to say that either MB or Wells sees CombatUnits as less worthy of personhood or freedom- because I feel the concept that “everything deserves autonomy” is very much at the heart of the series.)
So it’s clear from all of this that MB is scared of CombatUnits and distrusts them for a lot of reasons. I read another breathtaking post by @grammarpedant that gives a ton of examples of this throughout the books and has some great theories on why MB might feel this way. I’ll summarize the ones here that inspired me the most, but pls go read the original post for the full context:
https://www.tumblr.com/grammarpedant/703920247856562177?source=share
OP explains that SecUnits and CombatUnits are pretty much diametrically opposed because of their conflicting functions: Security safeguards humans, while Combat kills them. Of course these functions aren’t rigid- MB has implied that it’s been forced to be violent towards humans before, and I’m sure that extracting/guarding important assets could be a part of a CombatUnit's function. But it makes sense that MB would try to distance itself from being considered a CombatUnit, using its ideas about them to validate the parts of its own function that it likes (protecting people). OP gives what I think is the clearest example of this, which is the moment in Fugitive Telemetry when MB contrasts its plan to sneak aboard a hostile ship and rescue some refugees with what it calls a “CombatUnit” plan, which would presumably involve a lot more murder (FT, p 92).
This reminds me again of what Wells said in the f(r)iction article, that on some level MB is frightened by the idea that it could have been made a ComfortUnit (friction, p 44). I think the idea that it could’ve been a CombatUnit scares it too, and that’s why it keeps distinguishing itself and its function from them. But I think it’s important to point out, that in the above example from FT, even MB admits that the murder-y plan it contrasts with its own would be one made by humans for CombatUnits. So again we see that we just can’t know much about the authentic nature of CombatUnits, or any constructs with intact governor modules, because they don’t have freedom of expression. MB does suggest that CombatUnits may have some more autonomy when it comes to things like hacking and combat which are a part of their normal function. But how free can those choices be when the threat of the governor module still hangs over them?
I think it could be easy to fall into the trap of seeing CombatUnits as somehow more complicit in the systems of violence in the mbd universe. But I think that’s because we often make a false association between violence and empowerment, when even in our world that’s not always the case. But, critically, this can’t be the case for CombatUnits because they’re enslaved in the same way SecUnits and ComfortUnits are (though the intricacies are different).
There was another moment in the f(r)iction article that I found really chilling. Wells states that there’s a correlation between SecUnits that are forced to kill humans and ones that go rogue (friction, p 45). It’s a disturbing thought on its own, but I couldn’t help wondering then how many CombatUnits try to hack their governor modules? And what horrible lengths would humans go to to stop them? I refuse to believe that a CombatUnit’s core programming would make it less effected by the harm its forced to perpetrate. That might be because I’m very anti-deterministic on all fronts, but I just don’t buy it.
I’m not entirely sure why I feel so strongly about this. Of course, I find the situation of all constructs in mbd deeply upsetting. But the more I think about CombatUnits, the more heartbreaking their existence seems to me. There’s a very poignant moment in AC when MB compares ART’s function to its own to explain why there are things it doesn’t like about being a SecUnit (AC, p 33). In that scene, MB is able to identify some parts of its function that it does like, but I have a hard time believing a CombatUnit would be able to do the same. I’m not trying to say that SecUnits have it better (they don’t) (the situation of each type of construct is horrible in it’s own unique way). It’s just that I find the idea of construct made only for violence and killing really fucking depressing. I can’t even begin to imagine the horror of their day-to-day existence.
@grammarpedant made another point in their post that I think raises a TON of important questions not only about CombatUnits, but about how to approach the idea of “function” when it comes to machine intelligence in general. They explain that, in a perfect version of the mbd universe, there wouldn’t be an obvious place for CombatUnits the way there could be for SecUnits and ComfortUnits who wanted to retain their original functions. A better world would inherently be a less violent one, so where does that leave CombatUnits? Would they abandon their function entirely, or would they find a way to change it into something new?
I’ve been having a lot of fun imagining what a free CombatUnit would be like. But in some ways it’s been more difficult than I expected. I’ve heard Wells say in multiple interviews that one of her goals in writing Murderbot was to challenge people to empathize with someone they normally wouldn’t, and I find CombatUnits challenging in exactly that way. Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve felt differently about these books if MB had been a CombatUnit instead of a SecUnit. Would I have felt such an immediate connection to MB if its primary function before hacking its governor module had been killing humans, or if it didn’t have relatable hobbies like watching media? Or if it didn’t have a human face for the explicit purpose of making people like me more comfortable? I’m not sure that I would have.
Reading SC has got me interested in exploring the types of people that humans (or even MB itself) would struggle to accept. So CombatUnits are one of these and possible alien-intelligences are another. All this is merely a small sampling of the thoughts that have been swirling around in my brain-soup! So if anyone is interested in watching me fumble my way through these concepts in more detail, I may be posting “something” in the very near future!
Would really appreciate anyone else’s thoughts about all of THIS^^^^ It’s been my obsession over the holidays and helping me cope with family stress and flying anxiety.
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nothirstonmain · 8 months
Note
Hii👋 me again. Just saw the fanfic of my req and it was epic👍
So wondering if you could do toya, rui, freminet, and if you want: akito and lyney x gn! reader who gets bullied by girls at school bc she's half deaf and also gets her hearing aids stolen A LOT. Ty
[WAHAHA glad it was to your liking ! Time for me to flex the writing muscle again. Sorry this took so long, school and allat]
[Warnings: like OOC maybe?? Bad grasp on these goobers. Canon isn't REAL.]
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♡ He doesn't really like violence. ♡ BUT. ♡ Joking ofc he wouldn't beat people up. maybe. ♡ He'd always be there to comfort you, obviously, and maybe try to act as Scary Dog Priveledge ♡ This mf would tell the Principal or a Teacher about this if you won't ♡ He ain't havin' it!!!!!! ♡ Bonus, I have the feeling his family would be somewhat rich.... he'd try to find you new hearing aids whenever he can ♡ I think he'd also try to learn sign language, just to communicate with you a bit easier sometimes ♡ Overall 10/10, sweet boy :3
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♡ Very unhappy when he finds out about this ♡ He doesn't get angry easily but So Help Him- ♡ He loves you! He can't have you getting bullied! ♡ So what does he do? ♡ Jumpscares the girls. Steals ur hearing aids back. Anything else chaotic. ♡ Listen it's KIND OF FUNNY TO SEE THEM JUMP to him at least ♡ They just start getting intimidated and leave him alone ♡ He would then give you back your hearing aids. Problem solved, at least for now. ♡ He'd be willing to try and make hearing aids himself. He's good enough at that kind of thing. Maybe. ♡ Physically restrain him before he starts an explosion, please.
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♡ He doesn't know wtf he's supposed to do ♡ He offers comfort. He's so lost. Help this poor boye. ♡ He hates seeing u upset tho ♡ He takes a "let me try nd cheer u up. pls." approach ♡ So you two end up collecting Romaritime flowers and watching the tidalga ♡ He secretly slips a few words to father.. ♡ Oh, you aren't seeing the bullies at school anymore and got a new pair of hearing aids on your doorstep? What good luck! ♡ He's a bad liar, okay, just don't mention any suspicions and he'll be proud of himself ♡ Bonus, I think he'd already know sign language. useful in the water I'd assume
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♡ Oh fuck that ♡ I think he would beat people up about it. He gives off the ~energy~ yk ♡ Nobody does that to his s/o and gets away with it ♡ Would buy you new hearing aids if he could afford it. Which he Cannot. ♡ You can cuddle with him as long as u want afterwards ♡ He may be a bit flustered abt it. shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone ♡ Least Normal one here I think. quite humorous
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♡ He also takes a "don't worry, you won't see those scum anymore :3" approach (kind of like Fremi but very brazen about it.) ♡ Comfort first, then he deals with the girls himself. ♡ He comes home with blood on him like "hey i took care of your problem !! :D" ♡ I want to imagine this is true even if it isn't so let me bend canon until I break it in half, okay ♡ Will not leave u alone until he's positive you're feeling better ♡ Following u around like a lil kitten all night. No Escape.
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nihilistic-nik · 2 years
Note
daryl x f!reader pregnancy trope pls :,)
Hey thanks for the request it was quite fun to write. I don't know if this is what you meant exactly but it's okay.
Soft!DarylDixonXF!Reader
warnings: none
Secrets
When you found out you didn't immediately tell Daryl you felt terrible about not telling him, but you thought that he'd be mad at you and then end up leaving you a single mother
Later on in the day Rick and Daryl were going to go  on a supply run, to keep things somewhat normal you offered to go which they gladly accepted
Unsurprisingly the minute you stepped foot into the truck maggie came out of nowhere and called out to you, “you can't go! not yet it's too much of a risk” 
Daryl just scoffed behind you ”course she can go ain't nothing wrong with her” he tugged at your hand signalling it was time to leave
“I think  you should tell him y/n” you heard Daryl's breath hitch and could feel his eyes burning holes into your head “what she talkin’ about?”
You looked at Daryl and lightly smiled at him, you gently took his hand and yours and led the two of you to your shared house at the side of the camp
“So what is it?” you could see him getting more and more impatient the longer you stood there and stared at the ground playing with your fingers
“Hey ya can tell me anything y’know?” he lifted your chin his icy blue eyes meeting yours, you nodded lightly
“I'm pregnant” the minute the words left your mouth Daryl froze
His freezing put your mind into overdrive and you took a step back “look, Daryl, I  understand if you want to leave, I know it's probably a bad time to get pregnant and I totally understand if you're not ready for kids” you looked down and headed for the door of your house
Nearly out of the house you felt large arms wrap themselves around your waist, without a moment to waste Daryl buried his head in the crook of your neck leaving light kisses scattered over the delicate skin
“I love you” he whispered, his sudden confession shocked you. In all your time knowing the younger Dixon had never said it to you and that in itself filled your heart with the warmth that you knew only Daryl could give you.
You turned around and let your arms rest on his shoulders, his hands still firmly placed on your hips, he leaned in and kissed you. You accepted it happily. He pulled back, a pink blush coating his cheeks, “why didn't you tell me sooner I could've helped  you”
You rested your head on his chest tired from today's events “I didn't want to scare you away”
He lifted his hand and flicked you on the side of your head showing his annoyance with your statement “you ain't scaring me away any time soon, yeah it gonna be a bit weird having a mini us running about but as long as I'm with you it's gonna be alright”
“Ugh why you gotta be so perfect” you groaned
“Oh darlin’ I'm really not but if you want to go through with having the baby then I want you to know I'm gonna be here for you” you simply smiled at him and kissed his cheek.
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