#really and truly I dont want to start any fights with anyone

[sledge-in-space]

You know, I've debated writing this for a long time. Because I know it's going to sound incredibly stupid.

But for a character who seems to matter so little in the grand scheme of things, Joey Hudson matters so much to me. She was our friend. She endured so much. And when we come to rescue her we can see that she broke out of her cell with a shank as her only weapon.

We can see that she killed at least three peggies during her escape. That she was laying low and most likely waiting for John.

She thought she was going to be trapped down there forever, and that eventually she was going to be killed. But she still fought at every step of the way, because she was going to go out fighting. We can see her resilience, tenacity and anger in her voice lines. And despite how much she suffered, she wasnt going to leave the other prisoners behind.

And I know she's just a character in a ubisoft game. We get glimpses of her personality but she isnt nearly as well rounded as some other members of the cast. In the end she dies anyway, so what does it matter?

It matters to me because it feels like a lot of people don't seem to care about what happened to her.

I think it's sad and honestly a little sickening that most of her worst moments have been gifed to hell and back, all the while there are people who wish they were in her position. Because if it were them, they could fuck John or get fucked by him.

I already feel like John is portrayed as being a bit of a creep, with the level of obsession he displays and how fulfilling he finds the act of hurting others. But when people wish they were in her position, or download shirtless mods for John in cutscenes where she's also present, it suddenly feels like Joey is in danger of something more sinister than torture.

I'm not blind. I understand why people like him as a villain and a character. But excluding Joey from the story or trivializing the cruel, sick torture she went through so that John gets full, unrestricted access to your dep?

It just doesn't feel right or fair in my opinion.

Which I know sounds ridiculous because it's a video game and none of the characters are real. It would be completely audacious of me to say that no one should like him, or that it is somehow morally unjust to ignore his cruelty.

I don't think liking "bad guy" characters is indicative of having no morals or empathy. I like a lot of characters from different media that have done terrible things. Plenty that are even worse than John. And you shouldn't have to justify why you like something, because your reasons are your own. I firmly believe that fiction is the perfect place to explore whatever you want for whatever reason you want.

It isn't my intention to police anyone.

But there's something about how Joey was treated that feels very wrong to me. John hurt her brutally and we can only specualte as to what he actually did, but we can see and hear the toll that it took on her. And for as long as the game has had a fandom she's been routinely ignored - I believe this is because John is by far a fan favorite, though I acknowledge that this is speculative and accusatory. Or, she gets made into some damsel in distress. All because she has an ungodly amount of mascara on her face in some scenes.

Quick tanget: For the amount of makeup she was wearing when the Sheriff's Dept. stormed Joseph's Compound - which was minimal at most - the runny mascara is just way too extreme (just a small detail that I personally can't stand).

But back to the point.

At least in fandom, if she isn't a damsel, and if she isnt discarded, then her friend and partner - the player character - is fucking the man who tortured her and broadcast her agony across the entire county. In front of her community, so she could be humiliated and broken in front of everyone. It didn't work - unlike like Pratt and Burke, she didn't break (though it's not a contest and I'm not trying to diminish their strength either) - but that didn't stop John from trying.

There's no shortage of people in the fandom who love her, who've showered her with girlfriends and boyfriends and made sure she had a happy ending somewhere. There's been fan art and fic, mods on pc that let her fight alongside you. I've seen a lot of people order commissions of her, myself included. Even my best friend has drawn her so many times it's hard to keep track.

Still, it feels like people are so quick to forget or disregard what happened to her. It was the same in 2018 as it is now, and with so many years having passed I don't anticipate she'll see much of a fandom resurgence.

I think thats a shame. I think her potential was wasted. And that sucks especially hard because of how strong she was made out to be.

[bitchimasnake-sss]

sfw alphabet ft. monkey d. luffy!!!

warnings: might be a little suggestive here and there, but mostly wholesome lol <3 [not proofread so it probably has a lot of errors.]

ENOUGH horniness, my children. time to simp. he is so cute plsplspls-

💗affection:

๋࣭ ⭑how affectionate are they? luffy is super-duper affectionate. not just to you, to literally anyone he calls his friends. it is not out of the ordinary for you to wake up and see luffy sitting on zoro's shoulders as the mosshead does weight training. "zoro, you'll pull a muscle. luffy, get off." nami suggests as she passes by the captain and his right hand man. luffy reacts by pouting and zoro by huffing as if he isn't carrying a 19 yr old, fully grown adult on his shoulders. so anyways, obviously he is super affectionate and cuddly towards you too. he always in clinging onto you, peppering absent-minded kisses onto your skin and giving you an himbo grins. ๋࣭ ⭑how do they show affection? by clinging onto you like plastic with static charge. he is inseparable. everything you're doing, he needs to be a part of it. everything he's doing, you need to be a part of it. but don't be surprised when all of a sudden, he leaves you to go see some weird sea-creatures with ussop and chopper. he would then get distracted by them and they would probably start their regular-schmegular shenanigans. but he remembers he has a BEAUTIFUL girlfriend, he is gonna come skipping over to you. enjoy the next 43 hours of cuddles.

💗best friend:

๋࣭ ⭑what would they be like as a best friend? like everyone else on the ship, he is super ride or die, so, him as a best friend is truly a blessing. from 3 am snack runs to gossiping (you gossip, he listens) to actual pillow fights and pillow forts (cause hes a child like that), you are in for a wild ride if you're his best friend. since he is so emotionally mature but so fucking weird, expect to receieve some bizarre anecdotes every once in a while. ๋࣭ ⭑how would the friendship start? how do any friendships start with luffy?? he just shows up and you accept him for all his dumbassery. so, thats how it probably started.

💗cuddles:

๋࣭ ⭑do they like to cuddle? yes. omg obviously yes. ๋࣭ ⭑how would they cuddle? i dont even know how to answer this because i firmly believe he just is out there doing anything?? like ofc he holds you all nice and sweet against him. but sometimes he just wants to hold onto you and it doesn't really matter how. so, he has some unconventional methods* of touching and cuddling. unconventional methods include: - sleeping on the other side of the mattress but holding you by his outstretched hands - lying a little bit apart but his toe is on your calf - look realistically if he could he would wrap himself around you like a python but um, he doesnt wanna scare you off

💗domestic :

๋࣭ ⭑how are they at cooking and cleaning? yes you do the cooking. yes you do the cleaning. look, king luffy is no sexist, misogynistic toe-nail rag who expects you to do the entire work but for the sake of saving your own life, you should do it. he has an iron stomach and can probably eat straight up poison and survive. he has survived in shitty situations so he really doesn't care how clean his room is. but can you a mere mortal thrive like that? you'd be dead wednesday. so, just do the cooking and cleaning. he will be down to help but uh, sometimes its better not to ask for his help.

💗ending:

๋࣭ ⭑if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it? luffy doesn't seem like he would break things off at any costs tbh. if someone's walking out, it you babes (he has terrible abandonment issues 😁) but if he had to. if he had to. then i think it'll be like getting suckered punched in the guts by a saw. he is never as solemn and quite as he is rn and even though he waves it off with a smile, you can see his lashline thick with tears. if you were the one breaking up with him, he wouldn't hold you back from leaving if he understood why you were leaving. but if you're leaving unannounced, that'll quite literally destroy him.

💗fiance(e):

๋࣭ ⭑how do they feel about commitment? didn't really care about labels. not in a fuckboy way but in a "well i think you're pretty and i do wanna kiss you if you let me, so, sure be my girlfriend or whatever" way. he just truly doesn't care all that much about labels, so when you got together, you were the one who had to initiate the "What are we?" conversation. "luffy" you whisper meekly, sat beside him. his fingers are intertwined against yours and you fight off a blush as you look at him, "i- uh, you know i just was wondering. like- it's just what are we?" he looks up from your intertwined hands, dumbfounded, "pirates???" but when you did suggest that maybe you could be his girlfriend, i assure you he went about every conversation like "my GIRLFRIEND yn told me". ๋࣭ ⭑how quick would they want to get married? yk what i said about labels? 100% true. doesn't mean he doesn't wanna marry you tho?? he thought actually you like someone and just marry them. so, after a month of officially dating, you both are sitting on the deck, eating some snack sanji made when luffy gives you a bright grin, "say yn, when do we get married?" you almost choke on your food, "lu- we are niNETEEN?" "yeah? isn't sooner better?" and now you're rambling, "we cannot get married now. i mean we're young and we should focus on chasing our goals. like don't you wanna be the king of the pirates? and i really-" "i can be the king of the pirates and your husband whats the big deal?" basically, he's just ready to marry you whenever, just say the word.

💗gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?):

๋࣭ ⭑physically: because of his sheer overpowered strength, he tries to be very gentle with you but tends to forget it every once in a while. nsfw: chopper often asks you why your voice sounds hoarse and why there are random bruises on your skin. you dont have it in you to let the resident doctor know that sometimes your boyfriend gets carried away. ๋࣭ ⭑emotionally: as i said a few points above, luffy is a truly emotionally mature dude but he's kinda silly goofy and that's why you always get weird anecdotes from him. he is always there for you in his unconventional ways and is really good at deducing whether he should say something or not according to your mood. evidence: 8th of march, 11:52 pm pre-dating you he sits besides you in you room as you sob into your hands. he's tried comforting you and a part of you feels so fucking stupid for crying in front of your captain like a child. but you were drunk and ussop had made an off-hand comment about how kaya was the prettiest girl he had seen and that made you spiral if you would ever get a guy that would say things like that about you. it was a stupid fear and yet, you heaved against your own palms as luffy sat beside you. "but you're pretty!" he seemed to argue to the wall, "i think youre the prettiest!!" "i- i don't feel like it" "are you saying im a liar?" "no, you're just a nice person. you always compliment sanji's cooking and nami's navigation tactics and ussop's inventions and chopp-" "thats cause all the people on my crew are the best at what they do? i have standards, is all." "who taught you the word 'standards'?" "i overhead nami when we were docked on an island. nami was telling some crying girl in a party that men arent shit and she should have some standards" "right, that checks out." well, atleast you're not crying anymore.

💗hugs:

๋࣭ ⭑do they like hugs? yes. physical touch is his domain thru and thru ๋࣭ ⭑how often do they do it? like atleast 15 times a day. out of which 10 times are you, rest 5 are wild cards that can come on anybody and everybody on the crew. ๋࣭ ⭑what are their hugs like? he has death-grip type of hugs. as if, if he didnt hold onto you, you will crumble. ngl its probably kinda nice and soothing for the first five mins, after that you're sweating profusely.

💗"I love you":

๋࣭ ⭑how fast do they say the L-word? pretty randomly, pretty fast. luffy doesnt exactly plan his words and since he's so honest, sometimes he just says shit. "you're pretty" "i'm hungry" "i love you" "do you think if two sea-kings had a baby that it will be a bigger sea-king? ussop asked me that today" yeah, it is indeed a whiplash inducing experience and you're left dumbfounded.

💗jealousy:

๋࣭ ⭑how jealous do they get? he's a chill dude and wouldn't honestly know if someone was flirting with you (unless that person was being very touchy feely and blatant). but he is good at reading emotions so, if someone happens to cross the line and you seem even a tad bit uncomfy, he is all for a fist-fight. nobody makes his girl uncomfy, especially not some lame ass rando. he behaves the same way with nami and robin too tho, like if someone weirds them out, the captain is ready to enter god-mode. he's just a sweet dude who cares about his crew. ๋࣭ ⭑what do they do when they’re jealous? he almost always starts a fight. you and the girls have to intervene because zoro and sanji just watch amused from the sidelines lol. afterwards, luffy does get a little pouty like "he was so weird you should have let me deal with him" but it's not something you cannot deal away with food and a lot of kisses.

💗kisses:

๋࣭ ⭑what are their kisses like: sloppy asf!! this man is messy and all in your business, how do you expect his kisses to be any different? especially at first, he is so sloppy, kinda unsure of what he is to do. but after enough make-out sessions, he knows you better, so his technique's much much better. he always kisses you for a long while too. like even his "quick kisses" before he leaves for somewhere are long enough for the crew to get irritated lmao. ๋࣭ ⭑where does he like to kiss you: the question should be where does he not like kissing you? he is infatuated and can barely control himself around you. any part of you that's visible to him is up for grabs to him. he also is a heavy, heavy supporter of pda. not cause he wants to show you or off (which he does), but because you look so pretty looking at the sunset, what is he gonna do? not kiss you???

💗little ones:

๋࣭ ⭑how are they around children? he is really, really good with children cause he's so childish himself 😃 but like jokes apart, whenever he is interacting with young kids (anyone whos older than five), he gets like super invested in the games with them. he refuses to lose to children. yeah so what if toge is screaming???? he shouldnt have asked to a match if he didnt wanna lose. as a menace to society, he also steals those kids' candy mindlessly and then shrugs confused when you ask him why the kid is crying. tldr; he is great entertainment for kids but do not leave him alone with kids or the kids will be sacrificed to some higher, eldritch deity.

💗mornings:

๋࣭ ⭑how are mornings spent with them? sleeping, if i am being very honest. the sunlight filters through the window of your room and you groggily open your eyes, fighting back a yawn. luffy is practically draped over you, asleep. he's drooling onto your tshirt and you look at him with half love and half "yo wtf dude" kinda expression. he is such a heavy sleeper!!! oh my god. its like someone can come and do construction in your cabin and he'd sleep thru it. but if he heard sanji yell "BREAKFASTS READY" then he's grabbing you in his arms and running to the kitchen. he would literally run to the kitchen while half asleep. but most of the times, he wakes up by himself when he's hungry and shakes you awake till you (reluctantly) wake up too. it doesn't help that he always wakes up super-hyperactive first thing in the morning too. also, i am sure he's the type of boyfriend that insists to kiss you with morning breath even if you stuff your head into the pillow to avoid it. he will chase you thru the ship if he has to to get that fucking kiss.

💗nights:

๋࣭ ⭑how are nights spent with them?: sleeping, again. luffy is usually tired from his day-long shenanigans and after eating an entire nuclear family worth of food for dinner, he is ready to fall asleep. but he is always so nice, he tries really hard to stay up till you're done talking to the crew/finishing your work to come in your shared room. he always greets you with a tired grin, asking you to lay next to him and tell him how your day went (as if he wasnt next to you like 90% of the time.) he tries super hard to stay up but he almost always sleeps while you're still talking. its not his fault!! he's exhausted and your voice is so sweet and your fingers are gently massaging his scalp and your skin feels so smooth against his and- you get the picture. he's asleep. ofc you don't mind. he's adorable and you let him hold onto you as you finish up some work/fall asleep yourself.

💗open:

๋࣭ ⭑when would they start revealing things about themselves: he actually forgets to tell you things, not out of intention but because it serves no narrative purpose to the plot lmao. (i mean he literally forgot to inform anyone about ace and was just like "YEAH THATS MY BIG BRO!!" when ace showed up in alabasta) so, yeah, technically it does take him pretty long. but if you ask him questions about his past, he would most certainly start telling you all his life's lore without a second thought. and you'd be stuck thinking "how tf did all of this happen to a child???" ๋࣭ ⭑do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly: like i said, he will infodump if you ask him, otherwise he would just not tell things to you. so, really depends on how good you are at asking questions.

💗patience:

๋࣭ ⭑how easily angered are they?: he is an easy-going dude. i mean he usually fights half of his battles unserious (till some fucked up thing happens and he gets angry enough to fight for real). so, he doesn't get all that angry on a day-to-day basis. he does get pouty and offended every once in a while, but he literally moves on from that within half an hour. he never holds onto those things for a larger chunk of time.

💗quizzes:

๋࣭ ⭑ how much would they remember about you? actually, quite a lot!! like i said, he makes a genuine effort to always listen to you (even when hes tired), so, he always remembers things that are personal to you and you may have said to him in passing. ๋࣭ ⭑do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything? honestly, if it isn't something very, very close to your heart, luffy will probably mis-remember it. he remembers things but never in the right context, so, its kind of a struggle to remind him those things. but its kinda endearing cause even if you are just re-telling him a story or something, he looks at you so intently with those bug-like wide eyes and a silly smile that it makes all of your annoyance fade away.

💗remember:

 ๋࣭ ⭑what is their favorite moment in your relationship?: if you ask robin, the quickest way to a man's heart is through his third and fourth ribs. if you ask luffy, it's thru food. (we know how much luffy loves food omg!!) you asked sanji to help you make a very very simple soup for luffy when he was injured after a fight. you wanted him to get better and take care of him. sanji had complied happily and helped you make a simple mushroom soup for the captain. so, imagine luffy's surprise when he was woken up by your sound. you were sitting by his side, a bowl of steaming soup in your hand and you smiled at him sheepishly, "i made you some soup." no matter how good of a cook sanji is, luffy genuinely believes that soup was the best thing he had ever tasted. (now every time he gets sick, he starts dropping hints like "if only someone made me some soup... with some nice mushrooms... maybe ill feel better. if onlyyyy" "ill make you the soup luffy" "yay!! i mean," fake coughs, "thankyou... im so weak i need some soup" )

💗security:

๋࣭ ⭑how protective are they? insanely protective. even an ounce of discomfort on you/the crew means he's gonna go berserk. ๋࣭ ⭑how would they protect you? hes the rubber man, he'd figure something out ๋࣭ ⭑how would they like to be protected? he doesn't typically need protection, both cause he's self-sufficient and also cause he lowkey loves fucking things up. but every once in a while, when the navy catches up to the crew and you say "it's okay, let me handle this." he falls in love. it's just so admirable of you to always step up (even when you dont necessarily have to).

💗try: 

๋࣭ ⭑how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks? he honestly loves you a lot, but i dont think he has the brain capacity to pull off extravagant plans. one time he tried to surprise you for your birthday by planning a party with the crew. he ended up blabbering the entire plan by mid-afternoon. he is just terrible at secrets. but he loves to spoil you. anything you even show the slightest bit of interest in, he needs to buy it (doesnt matter if he has to risk getting charged a few billion berries by nami). he is super sweet and he shows that mostly through action and words. so, if you wanna do any fancy-shmancy thing, just organise it yourself and call luffy later.

💗ugly:

๋࣭ ⭑what would be some bad habits of theirs?

💗vanity:

๋࣭ ⭑ how concerned are they with their looks? not very concerned. he has you for girlfriend, you're the most gorgeous woman alive, you love him. does he need to care about anything else? like zoro, after getting in a relationship, he would def get better at just personal maintenance and all. if you like anything like skincare/makeup, best believe he will be the kind of boyfriend that does 3 hour long skincare routines with you just for the heck of it. (you are the reason luffy is an emperor with the nicest skin 😭✊🏼)

💗whole: 

๋࣭ ⭑would they feel incomplete without you? yes. simply put, yes. he will be Devastated (with a capital D) incase you're gone. ofcourse, i see he doesn't seem the type to be stuck in despair forever, but it will be really really hard for him. for a few days, luffy would probably stop being luffy.

💗xtra (a random headcanon for them):

i have a personal belief that luffy sucks ass at games. let me explain. it's always the games where the rules are fairly simple where he ends up losing (he then whines and cries and the entire crew kinda pity-laughs it away) but the games with the most brainpower required? he wins those. easily. (he always just gets lucky one way or the other.) i also hc him as the kind of guy who wins chess by eating the pieces so, do what you must with this information 👏🏼

💗yuck:

๋࣭ ⭑what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner? he likes almost everybody unless they are a chauvinistic prick, so rest assured. plus, if he doesnt like anything, you'd probably find out sooner than later.

💗zzz:

he's already asleep. he's tired, he's a gremlin and he's asleep.

a/n: i thought i would do this for all characters but lord, the amount of work just one of these beasts requires has me quaking- (it's like writing 26 oneshots in one go 😭) but i def wanna write one for sanjiii &lt;3

[bleedinqdove]

May i req a Rocky Rickaby x fem or gn reader whose relationship is like Jessica and Roger Rabbit? Or Morticia and Gomez Addams? Everybody’s stunned as to how Rocky, the fucking CRAZY MAN OF THE CENTURY, managed to bag the only cat whose looks are beyond his level. And their personalities are like the textbook definition of opposites attract. Reader doesn’t care though, they’ll still be devoted and loving to Rocky ‘till the day they die.

(Bonus points if the reader is an artist like him, and is also touch starved as him)

You can do this req later or delete it if u wanna, no pressure! I really love your writing ❤️❤️

Rocky x fem reader with a relationship like Jessica and Roger Rabbit

A/n: Sorry this took so long! Was busier than expected ;-;, but anyways this was a really fun request to do as well! You guys send such great requests.

SFW but a bit suggestive towards the end.

-Anon you are absolutely on to something here let me say.

-Compared to Rocky’s more chaotic personality, you are more elegant and poised, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less passionate. You both share that fiery desire for one another even if you two couldn’t be any more different at first glance.

-You’re mainly known around the block for your fashion and self expression, not being afraid to experiment and be bold with your styles. So no doubt that’s how you first caught Rocky’s eyes.

- And Rocky quickly caught yours with the beautiful way he played the violin and his bizarre yet impenitent personality.

-What can I say, tormented artists that were made for eachother.

-You have Rocky wrapped around your finger, and he’s hopelessesly devoted to you. Any time he’s near you he just can’t help but smile and admire you…sometimes you can even catch his tail wagging-

-Your touch has him over the moon, and even the simplest scratch of the chin causes him to get all giddy with delight.

-He’s your number one supporter and defender. He takes great delight in seeing all the different outfits you make and the clothes you design, and if anyone has a problem with what you’re wearing he’ll make sure to deal with them accordingly.

-He’s very protective of you and has no issue of dealing with tomcats who are a bit too flirty with you. Just walks right up with that sharp-toothed smile of his and barely veiled threats of violence.

Right as the intermission starts Rocky hops off the stage and makes a beeline for you. A soft smile crosses your face as you greet him, beckoning him to sit next to you. However a passing tomcat gives you a suggestive comment and wink before walking away.

Rocky’s immediate reaction is to get up and follow that bastard, but he is stopped by you hooking a finger around his suspenders and pulling him back. You didn’t want him to waste his time talking to some greaseball when he should be talking to you. Plus he couldn’t be getting into fights this early into the night.

“Sit down Rocky.” You say looking him in the eyes.

“Yes Ma’am!”

-Make no mistake you’re just as protective as well. No one gets away with disrespecting your man.

-If someone is talking particularly loud during one of his performances, you shoot them a dirty look that shuts them up real quick.

-And if anyone dares to flirt or insult him in your presence, they’re in for a treat. While not as publicly confrontational as Rocky, you’re just as disturbing, if not more, with your confrontations.

-You wait until they are decently away from the crowd, or alone until you walk up to them with a sickly sweet smile painted on your face. The way your face and tone seem so calm, yet your words are vile and not to mention your eyes piercing right through them.

-Needless to say you consider your job done once they’re scared shitless.

-Rocky sometimes spots you doing this and it makes his heart swell with gratitude and pride. You truly care about him!

-Yeah you two are insane for eachother.

-While you dont mind PDA, Rocky appears to be the more clingy one in public. Which you don’t mind either you enjoy his touch. You even give him the occasional kiss here and there.

-But in private it’s a whole different story.

-It’s hard to tell if you’re stuck in Rocky’s grip or he’s stuck in yours. You find it hard to keep your hands off him!

-Rocky no doubt enjoys all this attention you give him, most days when you two come home after a long night he finds himself covered in lipstick stains from your kisses. His least favorite part of the day is washing it all off, he’d like to wear them proudly.

-You hate when he’s away all night doing bootlegging runs. It’s on lonely nights like those that your touchstarvedness truly shows.

-But Rocky is quick to make up for all that lost time.

You watch as Rocky passes the last of the stolen booze to Freckle, who walks out of the garage leaving you and Rocky alone. At first Rocky did not notice you were there as he closed the trunk. In fact he almost bumped straight into you as he turned to follow Freckle.

“Oh! Well what brought you down here dear?” He asks, his eyes widening in surprise and excitement. Rocky was more confused if anything, you usually never go into the garage. However you knew why you were in here, you didn’t know if you could last another hour without Rocky! You let out a dramatic sigh as you lean against him and he immediately wraps his arms around you.

“I just missed you, that's all honey…though I do have a certain request I’d like to make if you don’t mind…?” You asked as his ears perked up in interest, he seemed even more inclined after you started to play with his tie.

“I know after these little runs you like to stay at the speakeasy a bit longer…but I’m oh so tired and just want to wind down…would you like to come home with me Mr Rickaby?”

Your smirk grew wider as you tugged on his tie bringing his face closer to yours. “You think you can help me relax…?”

Rocky’s tail shot straight up as he looked at you, a wide grin on his face as he nodded his head. It didn’t take a lot of convincing with him.

“Yes Ma’am!”

[misserabella]

stray. pt. 5

joel miller x fem! reader

gif credits to @pedrorascal <3

< previous chapter next chapter >

summary; after saving Joel and Ellie from the brink of death, you get caught with having to live with two more strays.., and you don't do strays.

REMINDER: english is not my mother language so i apologize if there are some mistakes <3 !¡either ways, i hope y'all like it. <3

REPOSTS AND COMMENTS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!<3

warnings; eventual +18 content! MINORS DONT INTERACT IN THE CHAPTERS WHERE IT IS IMPLIED IN THE WARNINGS and smut, mentions of death, possible deaths, blood, fighting, angst, fluff..

warnings for chapter 5; angst, loss, ellie and reader getting closer <3 (man i love them), guns, daggers, blood, wounds, weapons, tension, cursing, fear, ptsd, joel and reader get closer…

Please, under no circumstances, repost my work on any other sites. I do not consent to anyone taking my work and posting it as their own.

a/n; omg in so excited, the tension is growingggg

You had been awake for hours, unable to move from this bed that surrounded you like a big tight hug. You knew you shouldn’t let it, should get up and start moving, start one more day…

And you too knew that Ellie was on the other side of the door, waiting. You had heard her pacing around, getting closer, almost knocking but always sighing and stepping back. Now she was sitting against it, you could see the shadow, hear her head moving from time to time and her soft breathing.

You got up, a groan falling from your lips when your side throbbed and pinched. Fucking bitch knew how to kick…

You sighed when you opened the door and Ellie, who was fully leaning on it, fell backwards into the room. She looked at you from below, eyes shot open and you gave her an unamused stare before inhaling deep and stepping outside, dodging her. She sat up as you entered your room, exiting it shortly after taking a new change of clothes, and stood up as you closed the bathroom’s door behind your back. She stood there silently, hearing as you turned the shower on and bathed.

The mirror reflected your messy state, your bruised cheek and sticky skin bathed in blood. You didn’t waste time to scrub it off, thanking the water pouring on your body.

You didn’t take long, being efficient in putting on your clean clothes —along with the dirty ones to wash up— and leaving the bathroom.

She was in the same spot you had left her. And you went back into the room dodging her…, again.

You could feel her need to be near, to talk to you, to do anything that could help. You could almost touch her worry as you started to rummage the bloody bedsheets and making them onto a ball to go and put them to wash along with your clothes.

“Ellie?” you called for her, stopping the ruffling of sheets, and she perked up.

“…Yeah?” she asked, her voice careful.

“Are you gonna keep boring holes on the back of my head or are you gonna come in?” you said, and she stepped inside as quickly as she could, almost stumbling. Her eyes met yours, and she swallowed. She didn’t move.

It had surprised her, you letting her in. She was ready to wait ‘till you would come out. She was not ready for this. Hell, it had surprised even you.

She took in the surroundings, took in the art, the photos, the books…

“Are you… Are you okay?” her eyes were away from you, on the floor. You knew she was nervous by the way one of her hands was scratching her neck.

“Oh yeah, brat. Never been better.” you sarcastically said and she stood there, silently, her eyes everywhere. You sighed, taking a seat on the naked duvet. “She was really cool.” you said, and she looked at you. “Kind of annoying, like you, but cool.” she huffed at your semi-compliment. At least you didn’t hate her… “It’s been a year… And everything looks the same.” you sighed, your eyes dreamy on her artworks.

“She was great.” she said, pointing at her sketches.

“She truly was. He wanted to be a tattoo artist. Got a gun and everything.” you said. “Carved one on my back for her first time.” you chuckled, and she smiled.

“Can I… See it?” she inquired, and that caught you by surprise.

“You want to see it?” you frowned.

“I’ve just never seen a tattoo before. Only on pictures.” she said and you nodded, muttering a ‘sure’ that made her get excited.

You turned her back to her and slowly shifted up your white sleeveless top, revealing at the middle of your back a big black moth.

She took it in, eyes open and mouth ajar. She stepped closer, and one of his hands rose with the need to touch it, but she retracted it. It was beautiful. “How… Does it feel like? To get a tattoo I mean.” she says, and you turned back to her, letting your top hide your tattoo once again.

“It hurts. But it feels awesome when its finally done.”

“I want one.” she said, and you scoffed.

“You’re too young for that kind of stuff, kid.” Kid. Well, at least it was better than ‘brat’.

“I’m not. When did you get yours?”

“When I was sixteen.” you answered.

“I’m sixteen!” she said and you laughed.

“Bullshit!”

“Okay, fourteen. But does it even matter? It’s practically the same!” she said and you shook your head.

“It’s not.” she frowned and practically pouted. You rolled your eyes. “Look. Once you turn sixteen we’ll get you one, alright? Hell, I’ll even pay for it.” you offered and she lighted up like a firework.

“Really?”

“Sure.” you said, and she smiled so bright that you almost followed her.

You went back to your shuffling, stripping the pillows off their covers.

“Hey, y/n…?” she asked and you hummed. “I’m sorry. About Laura.” she said, and you looked at her, after a few seconds nodding slowly.

You two fell back onto that silence that seemed to follow you everywhere. Only this time, you decided to break it.

“Hey, brat?” you called for her and her eyebrows rose, paying attention. “I saw that you finished those comics of yours.” you said, giving her your back to take a hold on something in between your hands. You smiled softly as one of your palms slowly dragged against the pages, over the drawings and inked letters. “You should give this one a try. It’s a really good one.” you said, closing the book that had been open for a year to hand it to her. She took it with such a great care… As if it was made of the most rich porcelain and could break with just a mere whisper.

‘Alice in Wonderland’ she red on the cover.

“What is it about?” she asked, and you smiled.

“You’ll have to read it to find out.”

-

Ellie was really enjoying the book, you could see it. She had not put it down the whole day except for eating and a kick trip to the bathroom.

Joel opens the door to your house, you keys having been copied for him since he had started helping Larry on the farm.

“What are you reading, kid?” Joel asks, a box full of food in between his arms. Probably from Larry’s. He always insisted on sending you more and more…

“Alice in wonderland.” she answered, monotone, too focused on the book to even look at him.

“Don’t try and make her talk, Joel, I’ve had a pretty good and silent day with her glued to that thing.” you warned him from the balcony, your naked feet against the ice cold flooring and your eyes still looking at the sunset.

His eyes found you, and he stared at you. At you and your gray baggy sweats, at you and your white sleeveless tank top, the cigarette in between your lips…

He sighed and walked towards you, opening the sliding door to take a seat next to you, closing it back up so the smoke wouldn’t get inside.

You looked alright. That was good.

“Pretty face you’ve got, huh?” you said, and she glared at your before scoffing, shaking his head.

“Just as sweet as always, aren’t you?” he rolled his eyes and took a cigarette out of his pocket. “Thanks.” that’s what he said when you offered him light to burn it. “Larry asked about you, he’s worried.” you sighed.

You didn’t answer, you were fine, okay. You had been scared shitless yesterday, and still felt a little shaken up, but breathing in Laura last night had really helped you get up that morning, try and heal a little bit more through the day.

Joel’s leg was shaking, a nervous and anxious tick that always seemed to came back after tense days. He wanted to make sure that you were okay, wanted you to tell him that you were okay. After yesterday events… He needed you to look at him.

You spent hours like this, watching the sun disappear and the night fall, in silence, him being focused on you and you being focused on him. The present. Something you never focused on lately.

He had gone inside after having caught Ellie completely passed out on the sofa, book still in hand. He tried to take it away from her as he softly woke her up to take her to bed, but she grumbled something that you couldn’t hear and hugged it closer to her chest. Oh no, there was no way she was letting go of it now. She was gonna sleep with that thing.

“What the hell did you do to her? She didn’t even let me put it on the night table.” he said as he came back onto the balcony, first-aid kit in hand to start cleaning up the wounds on his body.

You looked at him once he was back on his chair, new cigarette lit in between your lips. You took a long drag and exhaled. “It was Laura’s.” you said and his eyes widened just the slightest.

“y/n, you didn’t have to…”

“It’s okay.” you cut him off. “I wanted to. And she would have too. She would have loved for someone else to enjoy her books. She loved them.” you said, and he could swear his breath hitched when an almost imperceptible smile crept on your soft pink lips.

He nodded, silently, and unbuttoned the sleeves of his flannel, letting see the new cuts and bruises from yesterday’s fight. You looked away when you’d caught yourself staring to the muscles clenching under his tanned skin, his biceps pressing against the shirt.

You cleared your throat and took another drag of your cigarette, filling your lungs with an oxygen that seemed to not exist.

Joel cleaned his wounds silently, rubbing alcohol on them like he had for the last decades. New scars would decorate his body, but that was okay. ‘Cause that meant that he had survived, he was still alive.

Soon enough he was done with her arms and had to move up to his face. You watched him struggle to find the right spot, struggle to clean the cut on his forehead properly.

You softly took the cotton from his hand, and he looked at you as you moved your chair closer to him. So close he could smell your shampoo, your deodorant and your perfume. It was intoxicating, but not as much as your presence, as your closeness.

He hissed when you pressed it against the cut, and even if his hands twitched with the need to stop you, he didn’t. You were focused on cleaning it up, on making sure it didn’t get infected, and he was focused on looking at you. At your pretty eyes and soft skin, your long curled lashes and your teeth biting down on your bottom lip in concentration. His heart was beating fast, hard against his ribs. He wanted you to be closer, to held you like he had yesterday, to help you heal the wounds that weren’t on the surface, but inside of you, throbbing with every one of your breaths.

You put ointment on it before moving to the cut on his bottom lip. That was the one that hurt the most. You noticed when he softly gripped your wrist.

He never pushed you away, only closer.

You looked at his lips, at how soft and plump they seemed. You looked away for just a mere second to leave the cotton aside and take in between your hands the ointment once again. He let go of your wrist, but your skin was still crawling on goosebumps, and you could still feel the warmth of his touch, remember the warmth of his hug. You wanted more. You’d been freezing for a year.

Your index finger met his bottom lip once again, spreading the ointment softly onto the cut. Tomorrow it would be almost closed and wouldn’t hurt anymore. He took a deep breath at the feeling of your touch, of your soft yet cold fingers.

You had already finished covering it completely, helping him. But you couldn’t pull away. Your finger softly outlining the plush of his lips. His eyes met your own when your tongue unconsciously dampened them. Your heart was beating hard, your skin breaking like ice under the sun. What is it that you wanted?

Your hand met his jaw as you thumb now pressed against the cut, smearing the ointment a little bit more even if it wasn’t necessary. You didn’t do it for him. You were doing it for yourself. ‘Cause your body was begging to be touched, to be held, and your mind was reeling with his warmth.

“Don’t look at me like that…” he whispered, and that’s when you met his eyes. They were dark, darker than the night, and soft, softer than your touch on him. You looked at him, with that goddamn beautiful face of yours, and he felt like melting, like dying when you looked away and let him go.

You silently stood up from your seat and walked inside your apartment, leaving him behind as you closed Laura’s door behind your back.

Your breathing was shaky, and your hands were clammy. This is trouble. You shouldn’t. Nothing good would come out of this. You couldn’t loose no one else, couldn’t up your heart once again just to get it broken again.

You tried to make up your mind, try to promise your heart to stay low, to stay safe. But you found yourself having yet another night when your mind wouldn’t shut up and your eyes would stay open.

And worst of all, found yourself looking through Laura’s desk cabinets ‘till your hands finally found that metallic little box that you swore would never touch again.

Soon enough, your fingertips were stained, and the hours seemed shorter.

-

The sound of something falling and breaking on the salon startled you. Your hands left aside what they were holding, your body jolting alive from your seat. Was there someone inside?

You took one of your daggers in your hand, cursing after having left your gun on top of the dinning table.

You stepped outside the room, softly, lurking. Your eyes adapted to the dark and noticed the light coming from the kitchen. You stepped closer, and that’s when you heard it.

“Shit. Fuck, fuck, fuck.” you let down your dagger, let it aside on the table, next to your gun.

“Ellie?” she turned to you, following your voice. She was holding something in between her hands. Something broken. A mug.

You looked at the floor, there was some of the ceramic little pieces that she couldn’t get left, decorating it like snow.

“What’s going on?” you inquired and stepped closer.

“Sorry. I’m sorry. I was trying to make some of that tea you drink to fall asleep but then it slipped and… Shit, I’m sorry for breaking it.” she blurted out, and you hushed her by taking her shoulders.

“It’s fine.” you said, and she shook your head.

“But-“

“Ellie. It’s fine. It’s just a mug.” you promised, and she let you take it from her hands to dump it on the trash can. “Now… Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?” you inquired, looking at her, and she looked away, growing quieter…

“I…, had a nightmare.” she confessed, and your eyes softened. Oh.

She was awkwardly hugging herself, seeming little, seeming just like what she was: a kid.

You silently went towards the stove, where the tea she had sneaked from your jar was boiling and took the pot. You poured it on a new mug for her to sip from, and softly and carefully handed it to her.

She took it with just the same care, enjoying the warmth of it against her fingers.

“Come on.” you simply said, and she followed behind you, slowly stepping inside Laura’s room when you did. She looked just as dazzled as the first time.

You closed the door and that’s when she noticed the staining on your fingertips, the pages filled with charcoal all over the desk. She walked closer, and took a peak.

“Were you…, drawing?” she inquired and you let out a little smile, nodding, this time being you the one feeling embarrassed. “But… I thought Laura was the one who did.” you let out a soft chuckle that made her chest grew warm.

“Sure. But who do you think teached her?” her eyes widened and her mouth fell on a surprised smile.

“You dick!” you laughed when she whispered, inspecting the drawings. Some of them were simple, like flowers and animals, others were more complicated, like portraits of people you knew: Lizzy, Larry, Laura… Joel. She frowned just the slightest, but instead of questioning your motives and make you uncomfortable, she rather asked a: “Hey, and what about me?!”

You looked at her and her scowl. “You want me to draw you?” you eyebrows rose.

“Heck yeah. Though I’ll get mad if you make me look bad.” your chest bubbled with a new laughter.

“Alright. But first let me finish up the one I was drawing, alright?” she nodded and you took a seat on the desk, grabbing the charcoal in between your fingers once again. She stepped closed, inching by your side to watch as you sketched some leaves. Her stomach fell and her eyes shone. It was really simple, but truly beautiful. There was a moth, just like the one tattooed on your bag, with its wings spread open and showing her patterns, standing on two plants with their leaves fully exposed.

“It’s beautiful.” she whispered, and you felt your heart flutter. You never showed people your drawings, didn’t like to brag about your skills or let them out onto the world for it to see, but it had been a long time since someone complimented them, and that made you feel better. Maybe you hadn’t lost your touch after all.

“This?” you inquired as you rose the finished piece. “It’s not that impressive.” you shrugged and let her take it as he pushed the cup away and onto the free side of the desk, away from your sketches.

“Can I keep it?” her eyes full of hope and light looked into yours, and you melted.

“Sure.” you accepted and she only smiled harder, making you smile just the slightest as well.

She gave you her back, inspecting it over her head. She looked so happy. It was a mere simple drawing yet it had made her so happy… Made her forget everything about the nightmares that sometimes tormented her on her sleep.

You looked at her and back to your drawings, his face catching your attention. You hadn’t even noticed you had drawn him, drawn his side profile as he smoked, his eyes as he looked at you…

You pushed it underneath the rest as you rummaged them to clear up a little the space, trying to bury it where it belonged, deep into your head.

Ellie finished up her tea as you cleaned up, and after a couple of minutes of her chatting you up about all kind of stuff; about what she’d have liked to be if the world hadn’t turned into what it was now, about how she’d have loved to travel up and away into the sky, into the space, where only the starts would ever talk to her, she fell asleep on Laura’s bed, her new drawing on the night table behind her back. She was breathing slowly beside you, her wavy hair a mess all over her face. You shook your head with a smile and softly pushed it away and behind her ear.

You didn’t like strays. Didn’t like new people. Change.

But for once in your life, you hoped this feeling wouldn’t go away.

That they would stay.

-

taglist; ♡

@bubbles-for-all-of-us @hiphopdancer101universe @amethystwonders11 @mmeerraa @azxulaa @euovennia @twilightsbiggestfan @dabria14 @minaxcarter @lynndaline @frogjumps-world @cassiepascal @mdnigts @fudosl @batweildinglittlepysco @doodlebob-mp3 @boh3mian @saintmagx @scaredknight @ipadkidsworld @somebodytookmyusername @natalia42069 @cassrox @seninjakitey @maddsfilms @issybee0611 @corpsebridenightamare @eddie-munsons-slut @wren-2-d @hiroikegawa

pedro pascal’s masterlist <3

[marvelwomenarehot0]

𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬.

Warnings: cursing, talking of cancer, character death, no happy ending, crying, bad spelling, lmk if I missed anything!!!

Summary: Natasha’s been acting weird lately. I wonder why?

Word count: 1002

Authors notes: anddddd I did it!!! I don’t know if it’s angsty enough, but I wrote this for the lovely Jess (aka @daddynattt)!! hope you enjoy and my requests are open if you want to!! happy readinggggg!!!

The wind that blew against the windows along with the rain made you shiver. The chilly winds of December blew through, giving not much room for any sort of warmth. Your girlfriend of three years, Natasha, stood next to you holding your hand with a smile. She gave you a soft kiss, before slowly pulling away and looking around.

Natasha had been on her phone a lot more now. You couldn’t really understand why, yet it did give you a sort of bad feeling in your stomach.

“I’m going to run out, grab something to eat” Natasha spoke, finally prying her eyes off of her phone to look at you. You nodded and smiled, awaiting a kiss that never came as Natasha stood up. She collected her things and left.

You watched the door, your stomach churning a little and you looked down. Something just felt off in every way. You didn’t understand it- not truly Natasha was your first girlfriend and only girlfriend that you’d ever had. You had met in college and had stayed together through it.

A bit of time went by of you just waiting. You texted her a few times- no reply. Which, to you, was weird considering the fact that she was always on her phone lately. Eventually as you kept texting, you got worried, and you set your phone down just to grab some water from the kitchen.

When you returned to the couch and opened up your phone, the texts you saw truly broke your heart.

“Stop fucking texting me. This? This was a joke, a stupid dare that went to far. Let me be very clear when I say this, I’ve never loved you. Any I love yous I’ve said have been fake. Lies. Dont message me again.”

You stared at the text in disbelief, blinking a few times as the tears rushed into your eyes. They almost immediately started falling down your face, dripping onto the screen. You went to type something and to send it, and the message turned green. She’d blocked you.

The nagging feeling in your stomach grew heavy. You could no longer fight the tears that streamed down your face, onto your shirt, under your shirt and staining the couch below you. You let out a few choked sobs, scratching at your throat as you stared at the phone.

How could she? The dates, the I love yous, the promises of having kids together and marriage was all lies. A dare. A stupid dare. The truth felt like a knife through the heart, piercing in so many ways. She had dug the knife into your back and pulled it out to let you bleed, alone.

It wasn’t like you had anyone else. Everyone in your family believed you were a mistake, a gross idea of what could have been. Natasha had been the first person to ever truly love you. She’d made you feel like the happiest girl in the world.

Laying there on the couch only made things worse. Your head wouldn’t stop spinning, sobs falling freely as your hands clawed at the cushions. You managed to pull yourself up, stumbling into your shared room, only to realize that none of her stuff was there. Completely wiped off, like she’d never been there.

You stood there, unable to think clearly. How? Why? When? You moved a little closer and ran your hand across the side Natasha used to sleep on. It made you sob harder, collapsing to the floor in a heap of tears and snot.

(About a one year timeskip here)

You stared down at the grave in front of you, the flowers and small teddy bear sitting in front of it making your tears flow faster.

Three months after the breakup, Natasha had been admitted to the hospital. You hadn’t known, you’d obviously gone no contact, especially since you couldn’t contact her in the first place.

Natasha had been diagnosed with leukemia, and was dying. She didn’t have the heart to actually tell you that, and she wasn’t even the one who’d actually sent the text to you that day. A stupid old friend.

As Natasha laid on that hospital bed, her thoughts were of you. She did love you. She loved you so much. Natasha stared up at the white ceilings and let her eyes closed, the monitor beside her slowly stopping the beeping that it had made. Her final thoughts were of you.

Standing above the grave made you even sadder inside. You slowly sat down and sniffled a bit, fixing the flowers and teddy bear so it looked perfect. You eventually laid down what you had gotten for her- a tiny necklace. You laid it on the teddy bears neck, pressing a kiss to its small head before looking back towards rhe grave.

“I forgive you. For- for everything.. I miss you so much, I never stopped loving you” you whispered quietly, taking a deep breath before continuing.

“I hate you for the pain you caused me, but I never could truly stay angry at you. I- I can’t let you go.” You mumbled, tears dropping onto the ground as you spoke in shambles. You took a shuddery breath before you stood back up, pressing a kiss to the grave with closed eyes.

“Till we meet again, my love.” There was a gentle rustle of the trees, and you gave a tiny smile. Maybe you would meet again, maybe you wouldn’t. All you knew was that you would never stop loving her.

[aonungyoufuck]

hi! i hope my request will be okay to you rules but im thirst for smth like this ;

y/n is sully, and mated with aonung (aged up obv)

so in the first part they do yfkyn (smut) and in the second part y/n is pregnant and all alone in the shore bc everyone went to fight with sky people. the birth started but there is so much complication so she end so messed up with so much blood coming out from her v and half conscious. when aonung come back he found her and first he loose his mind he was so scared but then he take her to ronal who need to do all the things like sew her and everything - her condition was tragic.

firstly im so sorry for my english (it is not my first language so yeah) but i decided to write because i see that youre aonung specialist 😂❤️

Ma Baby Ma Baby

Warnings: Obv birth, Some tear kinda gore? Graphic for sure.

Ao'nung (22) Reader (21)

Thank you for the request Anon! Sorry it took me a while since i dont typically write Smut i tried making it up with it some more with the rest of the story (Also i was lowkey coughing up my lungs so excuse my tardiness i hope this was okay!)

Finally. was all you can think about as you felt the stinging pain of the tattoo now being painted over your skin. Sure You dint really need to do this Given your darker complexion and the fact that well you weren't really metkayina well... But that didn't matter. You had stated this is what you wanted for you. For him.

"Almost done don't worry"

Truth be told this was only one Tattoo of many you were sure to have. One of your spirit sister, No doubt later came the mate tattoo.

Just the thought sent shivers down your spine. You had never thought this would happen. That you would be Mated to Ao'nung. Truly no you didn't see this coming.

Had you told yourself when you arrived and hated the poor man's guts. Well You'd probably ask you to drown. However now it was different. He had changed along side you.

"How gorgeous you are"

"Oh stop that i just came to show you" You said slapping his hand off of your hip. No doubt some time later you'd see your spirit sister with one too.

"And yet you take my breath away anytime i see you"

"Oh hush. Do you like it or not?" You asked moving your loincloth just a little bit more to show him fully the full thing.

Feeling his hand stroke your inner thigh and beginning to whisper in your ear. "I do"

"Stop that" You spoke slapping his hand feeling the other now rest on your back and pull you into him.

Now you were not much shorter than him. Not by a lot but right now you felt so utterly small, and in a good way too. Feeling him rub against you, the loincloth now rubbing right above your own.

"Ao'nung stop we cant stop once we start"

"Who said i want to stop" He whispered again now pushing you two down at full force. Him atop you feeling you and you in turn him.

It honestly felt like a bunch of little things were crawling on you with the excitement that you felt.

You two never done anything more than hug or kiss. Never taking it too far. You two knew better than doing anything before mating. But maybe it was time to try something new.

"Ao'nung seriously! Your mother and my father will kill us if we do anything right now"

"Its a good thing your worth it then" He spoke. Kissing your neck and lowering dangerously. Feeling his hand messing with your top.

Jake was a very strict father, It was a blessing he even gave Ao'nung the blessing of courting you. But if this went on any more you were sure you'd lose your mate before he even officially became your mate.

You may as well go out together, you thought now pulling him closer to you. You were thankful that right now it was well past eclipse and no doubt everyone was asleep. So if anyone were to see anything, well it was really their fault.

"It seems even you want this my love"

"Oh shut up"

Almost like messy teens trying to get something from each other. You two messed around with the knot of each other's loincloth. before Finally being expose to one another.

You couldn't help but avade looking at him. Before he placed a hand on your cheek making you turn to him. "Look at me my dear"

Taking in a gulp the air now thick with a tension you had only ever heard of. Looking at him fully. His tattoo on his shoulder wrapping around to his back and little over his peck.

"No need to hide now, dont you think"

You smiled letting him feel you. And you in turn touching him.

"May i ?" He asked looking down to your core. If you weren't high on the emotions you were sure you would have slapped him away to not look. But right now you didn't care.

You chuckled now going to sit at his lap. You wetting him and him in turn causing a friction you so desperately wanted right now. Kissing him. So desperate and yet so gentle.

Both your breathes becoming labored as you smelled each other. Kissing his head and then his collarbone before looking into his eyes.

"Take me as you see me"

He took in a gulp. Feeling you. Seeing you and tasting you. It was all he ever had dreamed of.

And with a prayer on his lips he guided himself to your core. The feeling engulfing you two as he bit your shoulder to hold back a growl that he had been holding.

Now exactly nine months later here you were standing and waiting for Ao'nung to return. Just like you had predicted Your parent's weren't pleased to know you two had laid with each other. Not that you had admitted to.

Actually you had a whole four months to prepare for your ceremonial bond. But Ronal wasn't stupid neither was your mother. Neytiri was talking to jake when the suspension came on. You had been eating too much and so she asked Tsahik to make sure of it.

Sure enough your parents. Especially Jake was beyond furious. And by default you two had your ceremony much sooner than expected.

Now To say Jake and Ronal were the only ones who were furious was an understatement. It really felt that Tonowari, Tuk and Tsireya were the only ones that were happy.

Bless Ao'nung for handling your family.

Unfortunately that short lived bliss of being mates was interrupted. Roa had been found dead with her calf. Now you all stood watching as your father told them to warn the Tulkun. You couldn't move. You weren't allowed.

You just waited watching as Lo'ak and Neteyam were now arguing.

It all happened in a flash. You were in the arms of Ao'nung, and then the next you were asking him to be safe in bringing your brother's back.

Taking yourself into your pod.

You prayed. The pit in your stomach now hurting as you felt your breath hitch. You still had a few months to go. But it felt painful suddenly.

"Eywa please please let this fear leave me" you begged. Hand on your stomach as you couldn't even hear the horns sound.

War didn't just hurt those to went to it. Soldiers bled but the innocent stay and suffer that pain.

The silence of the village was what alarmed you. You were completely alone. Perhaps the stress? The emptiness of it all but you felt your water break.

Panic seeped into your heart. It was far too early. Too dangerously early and you were alone. Nobody in sight. Without even thinking you let out a cry unbeknownst to you calling your Ikran 'Ana.

You didn't even know what to do. All you remembered was what little you had learned from Ronal and your mother. You thanked 'Ana for being ever so patient as you pulled at her face and held her there while you went into the water.

Let Gravity help

That's all you were told was your best of friends. And so you did. Feeling 'Ana Grumble and growl along side you. Perhaps too she was scared of what was happening.

You felt the sting. And then the shooting pain. You began to push on instinct too But that sharp burning pain didnt stop. Looking down at the water you saw red.

Blood. A lot of Blood

'help'

it was the only thing on your mind as you finally felt the relieve of the growing tension ease.

But that wasn't the end of it. Yours lungs ached and the bleeding was getting so much worse. Looking at 'Ana you looked at her finally.

"Please..get mom"

That's all you wanted letting her fly off. You looked down again. Placing your hand down to feel. An open wound. And the head of your babe poking out.

Screaming again as you began to push. Feeling yourself get lightheaded. You looked to the open sea. Cries. War. And you were all alone delivering your babe by yourself.

Begging, Silently praying to Eywa as you felt your legs shake.

Ao'nung along side Tsireya was now dragging back a wounded Neteyam. He made a promise to bring your brother's back. Jake Had told him to take him back to shore and that's what he did.

His people Some wounded and some not so much. Some being dragged. To the safety of his mother's healing pod.

And that's when he saw you. He was so sure he didn't let you anywhere NEAR the battle. He was so sure he didn't see you there. But there you were.

He was one of the very first few people back. And there you were laying on the shore. The water around you red.

"Ao'nung!" Tsireya yelled now taking Neteyam in her arms as she saw him run to you.

So much blood. So much blood. Dragging you he saw the cord that now left your legs and he began to search the water. Scared. Terribly scared, frightened to his core to think that something happened to you or the babe.

And then he brought the small thing up. Its movement now erratic before he let out a shrill cry. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to be so happy

But this babe was so so small. So terribly tiny. And you were bleeding.

"Go take her to the pod! Go" Tsireya yelled again struggling to drag ao'nung but noticing some people coming back.

Ao'nung didn't think he just picked you up and placed the babe in your arms as he took you to his mom's pod.

Now he was no healer. But his mom had taught him how to stop the bleeding So while she would take a while to get here He could do what was the best for the meantime.

Jake now stood in front of the pod where you were being taken care of along side Neteyam. He was both thankful and yet Furious with himself that he let this happen.

He looked at his son in law. his face a distant memory of when he let home tree fall. A loss and yet being so lost in thought.

"kid?"

He didnt respond possibly to shell shocked as he waited

"Hey it'll be alright okay?"

"Will she be alright?" He asked like a little kid. Looking at his family and then Tonowari both parents dealing with having to protect their kids.

Before he could speak. Ronal opened the veil of the pod looking at all of them and then her son. "she's alright"

"and Neteyam?"

"He's alright as well. Hasn't woken up yet but is stable. Come" She said stepping aside and letting them all in.

You kept looking at the ceiling. As you had been the entire time you were conscious. Ronal having to stitch you up and while painful it wasn't as traumatizing and enduring labor alone.

You saw Ao'nung and then your father. And that's when you began to cry. You had been so scared and you were terrified as Ronal had not said a word about your baby.

"Shh its okay. Its okay sweet girl" Your father said stroking your head as you couldn't help but cry.

Ao'nung holding your hand before he felt his mother tap him on the shoulder. A small bundle. Barely the size of a healthy babe in her arms.

"He is tiny. Premature. But he is healthy" She spoke watching as all your family now surrounded her and watched.

She was right. Such a tiny little thing.

Ao'nung smiled. Kissing your head as he just held you. "healthy my love healthy"

You couldn't help but laugh a little through your sobs as you felt ronal lay the small thing on your chest. Sure now came the path of having to care for such a premature babe. But you were just glad all that pain. All that panic was worth it. Because as you two stared at your little son. It made it all worth it.

"Welcome to the family little one" You heard Neteyam say next to you. and Oh Eywa. Was it the thing you wanted to hear after hearing your babe cry too.

[ciaran]

i talked a little bit already about why i dont want vash to get angry right away, but i think...i really like stories about characters that find certain emotions nearly impossible, and repress the hell out of them/dont feel them at all, until someone nourishes the spark of that emotion and fans it to life and lets them acclimatize to it slowly.

vash is so deeply, life-ruiningly depressed that he cant muster a shred of anger at any of the injustices committed against him personally (unless they were committed by his brother). so it makes no sense for him to start now. what would make sense is for this to be the arc of season 2 - for wolfwood and milly and meryl to teach vash how to feel angry, how to hold it close and let it warm his hands without being burnt by it. how to make of it a shield first, then a weapon. how anger isn't just the poison that kills but also the howling animal that guards the weak. i want them to teach him to protect himself without forcing him to pick a side or hurt anyone - remind him that he does not have to take every hit just because someone else thinks he should. that he's worth more alive than used up. that he's worth something all the time, and not just when he thinks he's earned the right to exist. that he deserved better, always did and still does. i want him to fight this realization at first, because it hurts to get better after a lifetime of using barbed wire as a safety blanket. it takes a long time, but he gets there. and he doesn't get there alone.

and then i want him to even things out with nai - whatever shape that takes for vash. i want him to earn it every step of the way, a slow upward trudge through the mud and rain that's as hard as the downward spiral was easy. but i think that would feel so good to see playing out - not an instant fix, but one well-deserved and worked for and really, truly, his.

[clatoera]

Picket Fence is Sharp as Knives Chapter 9: I am what I am cause you trained me

Heeeeeeeey besties. I've been WAITING for this one. I've looked forward to it for a while now!! The next chapter is obviously thee chapter so this is the one we had to do. We had to get here. We have been waiting to get here for a LONG time. And here we are.

To start, I actually fuck up the months transition in this a few times I think. I dont think in months. I think in weeks, and so while the months may be off the weeks would be correct (part 1 is 12, part 2 is 16, part 3 is 34, and part 4 is 36). Much of this is accurate in terms of the physiology as well as some of the complaints.

Clove has a lot of anxieties and fears that we really otherwise don't see and so theres a lot more vulnerability on her part here than any other prior chapter so that is a bit different.

Thank you for sticking around I'm very very excited to get this out into the world!

AO3

masterpost

Title from T swift as usual

As always, thank you to the besties, especially @kentwells who has heard me ramble about this for months, and also @bodyelectric77 who doesn't hear me ramble as much about it but still is a victim to my senseless thoughts.

xoxo

From the time she was fifteen years old Clove had one, and truly only one, fear. Prior to fifteen it had been a non issue as far as she had been concerned–it’s not like anyone looked at her like that (or rather, if they did, there was someone large, blonde, and violent threatening them for even daring to do so).  

Dying in the Hunger Games didn’t even dredge up the same feeling of terror and peril. If she died in the games, well at least she went out fighting. It wasn’t like there was going to be anyone back home disappointed in her.  

Okay, maybe during her time in the capitol with blood filled joints and flayed skin, she had one greater fear. Even then, she didn’t fear death itself, considering that sometimes death would have been a welcome relief. Her fear, then, was deeper than death and more so in an eternity of that. 

Of note it wasn’t like she ever actually thought this particular fear had come true, save for once. But that was years ago, literal days before the Quarter Quell and well- she clearly never got an answer either way on that one. 

Even now, with her right index finger teetering on her teeth, shaving the nail down to the bleeding quick, she wasn’t entirely sure until right now either. The only thing she’s been positive about is that she could  actually feel her heart trying to escape the safety of her bones so that it can run off and let the fear dissipate like heat in a nuclear explosion. 

Now, well, there's two things she’s pretty positive about. 

To be fair she wasn’t necessarily doing anything to prevent living her biggest fear– she never needed to (save for a one year stint between Cato’s games and her own). She just..assumed she was very very lucky.

Who could blame her for the uncertainty, in her defense. It’s winter– and if the past three winters have taught her anything it’s that winter fucks her body up.

It had been so simple to justify.

Sure, she’s absolutely exhausted. Exhausted in a way that she can only relate to those last few months before her games, where she was training nearly sixteen hours straight. Yeah, it’s odd for her to want nothing more than to lay in bed for hours and hours a day– but she’s fucking tired. Winter always makes her tired, the cold always drains her. That’s not suspicious, right?

And sure, she’s starving. All the time. But again…it’s winter. Winter means burning more energy just to stay alive of course she’s absolutely starving. And well, when she gets sick when she goes too long without eating, it’s winter of course. She probably caught something from one of the girls. 

Even the body pain– that of course is due to the winter chill deep in her bones. Nothing more sinister, of course not. Everything that’s off about her recently well..things are off every winter after the war!

But…the one thing about Clove? She is not stupid. 

She is not stupid, but as Clove forces herself to look her reflection in the eye she notices the bleeding nails, the red ringed eyes, and the tears already trying to escape, she knows she is not stupid but she is very very very scared. 

The heart that was pounding in her chest to escape now feels so loud in her ears that it deafens her, the nails that now have no edge try to dig into her palms to ground her. She is unsure how she finds the ceramic ledge of the bath to sit on, but she somehow does. For a minute she thinks that she’s dying, that her brain is screaming for air with the way her vision blurs from the periphery inward (she always knew this would cause her death). It’s not until she can hear her own breathing, coming out in desperate, choking gasps that she realizes she’s crying.

Her hands don’t shake– her hands couldn’t shake, that would have meant her death– but as she tries to press the heels of her hands into her eyes she realizes that oh maybe they do as her body fails her in yet another way. 

She didn’t even have a mother. 

How could she be someone’s?

She doesn’t know how long she sits there on the ledge, how long her heart tries to run away from her.  It’s long enough that the skin of her cheeks run raw from the assault of tears, enough that the blood under her nails dries, long enough that her face is drained of any and all color. Her mind is both simultaneously empty and racing, as she barely processes which handle of the faucet to reach for. In her haze she manages to turn on the cold water, and her quivering hand can barely cup enough water to splash on her face. It’s barely enough to bring her back to reality, but it is enough to quell the stinging of her eyes. 

When she catches her appearance again, she almost doesn’t recognize herself. The angry red around her eyes, the stark lack of color even for her. Even her hair falls loosely in her eyes, plastered to her skin by the salt and tracks of her own tears. Looking at herself like this doesn’t even feel like she is seeing her own reflection.

Clove can’t help but think of her mother. 

Did her own mother cry herself raw, when she discovered her existence? Did she bite her nails to nubs, did she think Clove was her worst fear manifested?  Did she know that she’d be on her own within days, did she know not a person in the world was going to stand beside her for the next years of her life? Did she know that Clove was going to be her downfall, did she know that she was the only person in the world who would care if Clove lived or died?

Clove feels another tightening in her throat, another rush of warmth down her cheeks. She stares at herself, unblinking, as the tears continue. 

She knows she isn’t crying for herself, this time, but instead for fifteen year old Sevina Kentwell. The Little Girl, because she really was nothing more than a child, that was her mother. 

“You’re not a teenager.” Clove reminds herself, gripping the edge of the sink until her hands hurt. She is not a fifteen year old, she’s a twenty three year old woman. 

“You’re not alone, he won’t leave.” Yes, her father left her mother, but Cato would never. Could never, and would never. 

“I already won.” She tries, bringing her ice cold hand to her chest, desperately trying to regulate this meltdown before Cato gets home and finds her this way. “I won, I won, I won. I can’t die and leave it behind.” 

Even if she died, there was Cato. Cato, who no doubt, would do anything for even the theoretical baby they did not actually have yet. There was Cato. If something happened to him, well, there was Enobaria. Enobaria and then Glimmer and then Marvel and then, well, beyond that didn’t matter. 

“I won’t die. I won’t die. I won’t die.” Clove manifested, clenching her eyes shut as tightly as she could. “I’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. ”

She catches herself off guard, her eyes snapping open as fast as the word slipped out. We. How quickly she’s shifted, how quickly she accepts that she’s not even alone in her own body anymore. She’ll never be alone again. 

Somehow, though, that doesn’t send her spiraling. It was never the child part that scared her. 

That wasn’t her fear, it was not the baby part that she was so frightened of. 

It was the fear of perpetuating a cycle of death and abandonment. It was the near guarantee that she will be a bad mother, with none to model herself after. 

Still, despite that near guarantee of her own impending failure, Clove catches the hint of a smile in her reflection. 

Sure, she may not be good at it, but Cato will be.  In the back of her mind she can still see the look on his face, half a decade ago after her games, when he absently mentioned how he imagined their children to look. 

Even now she herself can't help but wonder if she’ll see her own freckles on her son, or have a dark haired little girl to break up the sea of blondes and redheads that are the children of their friends. 

Hers. It’s her kid. Which, as scary as it is to stomach, is somehow a lot less frightening than she had ever expected. 

She’s normally so aware of her surroundings, hyper attune to any shift in the floor, to the point that nothing can surprise her. Somehow now, she is so in her head, that when she hears the kitchen door slam she practically jumps out of her skin

Clove can hear the heavy steps (stomps? Is he in a mood? What the fuck she’d normally be able to tell) as Cato climbs them two at a time, giving her quite literally just enough time to step into the hall to meet him at the same time he hits the top floor. 

“Was no one going to tell me that pink comes in multiple shades. Apparently saying I need it in pink doesn’t mean much when you’re buying something for toddler girls.” Cato mumbles, pulling out the little paper receipt and bringing it up to eye level. He squints, holding the little sheet a few inches from his face. “I got one..Carnation? And the other one…bubblegum. I thought they were the same color but I was corrected many many many times.” Cato rubs his hand on the back of his neck, heading in a quick right towards their room. “What time do we need to leave?”

Fuck. She was out of it today. Of course, they had to go to District One today (very soon actually) for the twins' first birthday party. Great. She’d feel fantastic after that train ride, for sure. Well damn, was she supposed to wait to tell him after now or-

She doesn’t hear him say her name again, truly locked into her own mind again, when his hand engulfing her shoulder brings her back to her body.

“Clove? Are you okay? We don’t have to go if you aren’t up to it, I know you’ve been really tired lately and it’s okay! We don’t have to-” His voice is just so soft, with concern that is not patronizing but truly genuine, and by the time she glances up to meet his eyes she can’t help but let the words just come out before she has a moment to process what she’s saying. 

“I’m pregnant.” 

For all Clove is not a crier, something in her snaps the second she looks up at him and sees the look of outright love in his pretty blue eyes. For all the times in her life she had been terrified of saying those exact words to him, she had never once expected the way he’d look at her like this. 

She doesn’t give him time to even react before she’s back in tears, fully pressing herself into his chest before he has the time to respond. Or rather, she misses his soft “...really?” when she burrows herself against him. She feels one hand on her back as she feels the other on her face, wiping away the streak of tears over her right cheek bone. That same hand tilts her face up so he can look down at her directly. 

“...are you okay?” Even with the hesitation in his voice Clove can’t miss the absolute joy barely hidden below the surface. As soon as she gives even the slightest nod, she watches as maybe the brightest smile she’s ever seen breaks across his face. It must be infectious, because she can’t help her own in return. 

“I’m okay. I’m really really okay.”  Clove promises, leaning her face into his hand, laughing just a little through her now obsolete tears. “You don’t seem surprised?”

“You don’t cry, I had to ask.” Not just that– Cato knew her better than even himself sometimes. He knew, more than absolutely anyone else, just how scared of this she was. “I don’t think we have any right to be shocked, Clove.” 

Fair enough. 

“It’s like…everything you ever wanted, right?” Clove uses her own hand to wipe the other side of her eyes, before slinking both of her arms around his neck, fully just letting him take the bulk of her weight. 

“Clove, I already have everything I wanted. This is just… beyond that.” It wasn’t a secret that yes, Cato had always imagined his children with Clove, even more so in the last couple of years. Even still they’d been through enough, Clove more than most. It wasn’t something he was going to push her on. “Do you know how long or-”

“Uh like twenty minutes ago-” Clove starts, audibly sighing and rubbing at her eyes when she realizes that's not quite what he meant. “Sorry. Just..I’m not thinking straight today. But no. Sometime between…December and now. Zero to Three months, I don’t actually know. There are…many..many many…many many..many many..many…many times this could have happened, so. We’ll find out.”

Cato’s hands both slide down to her waist, and he lifts her to his height with practiced ease before he kisses her in a way she isn’t sure he has in the seven years they’ve spent with each other, but that she hopes he replicates again and again. She laughs against his lips, as she brings her fingers to thread into his hair slightly, just toying with the base of his neck. 

“On second thought we don’t have to go..” Cato mumbles, barely even pulling away from her to talk, still so close that their nose and heads touched. 

“We have to go. Glimmer will kill us.” Clove sighs in response, but stays impossibly close to him. 

Cato lets go of her with audible annoyance, letting her feet hit the floor before he actually huffs. 

“Fine. But we’re only going because we need to make sure our kid has friends.”

She would be lying if she didn’t say it felt like warmth spread through her chest when she heard the word ours.

Later that evening, they’re standing in the corner of a pink glitter and balloon covered living room. He’s behind her, his arm around the front of her shoulders holding her flush to him, whispering in her ear silly jokes about how they will not be adding a glittery, heart covered, pink wall to their house for the sake of a birthday party next year. 

Between their own little jokes and her stifled giggles, she can’t help but watch their friends. Glimmer, who for the first time in her life freely accepts the swipe of icing on her nose from one of her children or the man she made them with, all the while smiling and laughing without a care in the world for the way it would affect her makeup or her dress size. Or Marvel, carrying around the girls who look nothing like him but look like everything in the world that he loves. 

It dawns on her then, that maybe the reason it is a lot less scary that it is her baby, is because it’s his too.

____________________________________________________________

“You’ve slowed down.” 

Clove quite literally jumps when she hears the voice from directly behind her, and if she didn’t know any better she most definitely would have yelped too, if she didn’t recognize that tone of dissatisfaction immediately.

“Oh for fucks sake Enobaria, don’t sneak up on me like that!” Clove pauses, coming to a full stop so she can bring her heart rate back down to earth. She pulls her head band down over her ears, now even colder without her own adrenaline to ward off the biting cold of late District Two winter. “It’s March, Enobaria, give me a break. It’s always hard to get back into it after the snow melts.”

“Don’t give me that shit, Clove.” Enobaria rolls her eyes as she catches up to her fully, grabbing her by the upper arm and pulling her over to the side, off the same path back to Victors’ Village they both take every day. 

The sense of Deja Vu is intense, and Clove swears for a minute she’s seventeen again, being pulled into the woods on her way back to the Academy on what Enobaria had always so lovingly called her “run of shame.”

“Are you still slutting yourself out, Clove, or did you come to your fucking senses?” Enobaria had truly hissed in her ear, grabbing her by the elbow and pulling her forward with her nails in her skin.  “Don’t even answer that, I’m not as stupid as you think I am Clove. I know what you’re still doing.”

‘Still’, meaning in the past couple of months since Cato returned from the Seventy Second Hunger Games. Enobaria had, naively mind you,  assumed it was just a phase. Teenagers and their little hormones and all that. She figured it wouldn’t last that long, maybe a couple of weeks, as the novelty of victory wore off for Cato. 

Surely he would have a whole crowd of girls after him, but she didn’t think Clove was dumb enough to be one of them. Unfortunately, apparently, she was very very wrong, judging by the way Clove showed up at the academy every morning in clothes that were far too fine to be Academy issued and far too big to be her own. 

Nevermind the fact that some mornings she could literally see her seventeen year old mentee cooking breakfast across the street, playing housewife when she should be playing future victor. 

“I’m not slutting myself out, it’s just Cato-”

“Shut it. I always told you I wasn’t going to let what happened to your mother happen to you. And do you know why, Clove? Because I will kill you and Cato both before you ever step in that arena, got it? Don’t fuck this up for yourself.” Enobaria didn’t even give her time to respond, before she let go of her arm and truly pushed her forward, watching as she stumbled the first few feet before nearly falling to the ground. “Get to training.”

“I’m serious, Clove. You usually get back to the house by nine eighteen if you do six miles. You’re not making it back until Nine thirty. I know you aren’t at seven, you always said the number seven freaked you out, and frankly  you’re not fast enough to do eight at that pace. Never have been.” Enobaria narrows her eyes, giving her solid full body once over, practically an inspection for any obvious injuries. “You aren’t eighteen, Clove. You’ve been through a lot. It’s okay for things to be different, but don’t push yourself to the point you’re hurting. Six may be a lot for you right now, don’t risk it. It’s winter, I know everything hurts you, Clove. But that's a significant time change, I’m just a little concerned–”

“‘Baria. I’m not hurt. I promise. It’s just the beginning of the warm season, and it hurts a little bit but nothing that bad–” Clove tries, putting her hands on top of Enobaria’s wrists as she looks her over. Enobaria clearly means the concern with love, nothing less, nothing with anger.

“It’s not just that, Clove, your form has changed, you seem hesitant and skeptical when you hit the ground, you look hurt. You can tell me if you’re hurt, we can change something, just tell me. You’ve been through a lot, Clove.” Enobaria offers softly, bringing an uncharacteristically gentle hand up to Clove’s upper arm where she rubs random circles. 

Clove goes to defend herself and her body when she is taken off guard by Enobaria’s observation and gentleness, narrowing her eyes as she gives her mentor a once over. “...why are you paying such close attention to me?”

“It’s my job, Clove. It’s my responsibility to make sure you’re in the best condition I can get you in. I always watch. And I know something’s changed, I know what they did to you Clove, and we can modify things to make sure you’re not going to get hurt–”  Enobaria insists, once again leading her back up the path to their homes. She’s whispering, because if there is one thing about a Career victor that they cannot seem to shake after everything, is that their public reputation matters. They make it to the steps of Enobaria’s front porch where she eases them both down to the bottom step where many of their longest conversations in Clove’s life have occurred. 

Once upon a time someone overhearing this conversation would have been catastrophic. 

“Oh..Enobaria.” Clove whispers softly as she realizes this is her showing her love. This is how they always showed their concern– tough love.  She is gently grabbing at Enobaria’s upper arm now, giving the lightest little squeeze.. “I’m not hurt, not any more than usual. It’s not that. I know i’m slower than I used to be–”

“What’s wrong, then, Clove? It’s not a big deal, we can fix whatever it is.” Enobaria tries, doing her best to relay genuine concern rather than passing judgment. It’s been her sole responsibility, to keep Clove healthy, for twenty entire years now. 

And yes, maybe she had some guilt over not being able to keep her safe during the war, and needed to make up for it somehow. 

“...I didn’t want to tell you.” Clove whispers, and when Enobaria looks up at her she swears her blood runs genuinely cold at the fear (and tears) in the younger girl’s eyes. “You’re going to be so disappointed in me, Enobaria, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what, Clove, I’m not disappointed it’s okay to be hurt, it’s not your fault–” She immediately tries to ensure, holding Clove by the shoulders before the freckled girl turns to the side, looking at the sky to blink back her tears before they can freeze to the pale expanse of her skin. 

“I don’t even know how to tell you, you’re going to hate me. I’m so sorry, Enobaria, please I didn’t mean to disappoint you–”

“Clove, I’ll never hate you, now what’s wrong.”

Clove swallows the lump in her throat, before she rises from the step, taking a few steps forward out of Enobaria’s reach. She wipes at her face with the sleeves of her coat before she unzips it. Clove turns to the side as she fingers the hem of her– Cato’s– shirt, before she tugs just the bottom up. 

Enobaria raises an eyebrow, eyeing Clove’s incredibly toned and extremely flat lower abdomen. “Are you trying to show off the abs of a sixteen year old or–”

“What? No? You don’t see it?” Clove glances down, confused as to how she could miss it. Okay, maybe there is absolutely nothing to miss, with years and years of intense workouts to thank, but Clove most certainly notices a difference when she looks at herself in the mirror. “Please don’t make me say it, I can’t say it to you.”

“Say what Clove?”

“Enobaria…I’m..well… No, baria, I can’t say it, I can’t watch you hate me, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Clove rambles, shaking her head rapidly to insist she did not mean to bring such shame on herself. “You’re the only person I’ve ever been afraid of disappointing, I’m so sorry. But please, don’t kill me, I want this.”

“Clove what are you talking about–” Enobaria nearly rolls her eyes, but something about the tears, the fear, and the now dropped shirt click all the pieces into place and she actually gasps as her brown eyes go wide. She feels her lip fall so softly into a sigh, and she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it as she opens her arms to her. “Oh. Clove, honey, it’s okay.”

Clove visibly hesitates to come towards her, frozen like prey deciding if she has a chance to run before she is torn to pieces. That's new, too, that in Fight or Flight her instinct has become flight. “....are you mad at me?”

“Just come here.” She offers one last time, gesturing her forward with her hands. “I’m not mad, Clove. You just look terrified.”

“You always said you’d kill me.” Clove explains warily, one foot planted behind her as if she is ready to haul it across the street to her home as fast as she can. “Do you still want to kill me?”

“Clove, you were a teenager. That was the best threat I had, and it worked. You knew I was capable of it.” She offers with exasperation, dropping her offer of any sort of physical comfort. “You’re not a little girl anymore. I don’t control what you do. I don’t have to worry about getting you in and out of an arena now, you’re an adult.”

“...but are you disappointed?” 

“No, Clove. I’m not disappointed. I’m a little disappointed that you seem actually scared of me right now, but that’s my own fault.” She frowns, dropping her hands completely to her side to take away any threat Clove could be left to perceive. “I’m not going to hurt you at all, Clove. I promise.”

Clove lets her stance relax, and hesitantly takes a step closer to her mentor and practically sister at this point. “I just… I want this, Enobaria. And I want that to be okay. But I also know it killed my mom and..”

“You’re allowed to want to be a mother Clove. You’re not upsetting anyone. You’re an adult. You survived a war. You have absolutely earned and deserve whatever life you could possibly want.” Enobaria cocks her head, and against her better judgment just steps forward to pull Clove into a hug whether she wants it or not. “Clove. Being pregnant, having you.. That isn’t what killed your mom. The games killed her..Snow killed her. It wasn’t you. It was never you. You were never the reason your mother died, and I am so sorry anyone has ever told you differently.”

If Clove’s grandmother weren’t already dead and rotting, she sure would be after today, Enobaria would have seen to that. 

Clove’s only response is a weak nod as she buries her face in Enobaria’s hair, needing more than she realized to hear those exact words. “You’re really not mad?”

“Of course not, Clove.  I promise. You’ll be a good mom. You already take care of everyone else.” Enobaria assures her, bringing her hand up to run over the length of Clove’s long dark hair where it’s come out of the pony tail. “When are you supposed to have it?”

“September.” Clove mumbles into her hair, relaxing until Enobaria gently pushes her back so she can look at her with a quizzical expression as the calculator runs in her brain. 

“...you’re four months pregnant right now? Were you planning on ever telling me?”

Clove nods, brushing her fly aways out of her face with the sleeve of her coat. “I only found out last month. We haven’t told anyone. You were first on the list though, I just wanted to wait a little longer. “

Enobaria just nods, looking her over with the new lens. It made sense now, why Clove seemed so hesitant and careful, and of course slower. “...you’re four months pregnant and you still look like that?”

She gives another nod, the slightest smirky smile taking over her face. “They said it’s ‘cause it’s my only baby. And because I have worked so so hard for such a strong set of muscles in my torso. Thanks for that.”

“Oh good. I guess the Cato genes didn’t kick in then. Not that would fuck you up.”

“Thanks for the reassurance, Baria.” Clove laughs, anyway.

_____________________________________________________________

“Well aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine today, Clove!”

“Can you shut the fuck up, Sparkles?” Clove snaps from her end of the couch, elbows on the arm rest with both her hands on her face, holding up the weight of her head. 

“Oh what an absolute joy we’re going to have together!” Glimmer rolls her eyes playfully from the opposite end of the chair, not even bothering to look over at her truly miserable friend, instead content with focusing on the intricacies of the floral embroidery she is adding to the fabric in her hands. “Remind me again why I'm here if you’re going to be a bitch to me?”

“Because.” Clove groans, stretching out one leg towards Glimmer’s side. “I made one joke that I was just going to have this baby in the bath tub and now Cato won’t let me be alone. He’s just being a scared little pussy bitch baby.”

“Ah. Right. I’m babysitting you.” Glim taunts. “You know, we could just go outside and enjoy the pool with the fathers of our children and my daughters. Cato definitely doesn’t have a shirt on and we both know how you feel about that so…”

“I am not going outside like this.” Clove hisses, shifting yet again in her seat, searching for even the slightest relief of her permanent discomfort at this point in her life. “Cato is safer if I can’t see him or get a straight line to him. My center of gravity may suck but he’s big and an easy target–”

“Clove I’m sure the pool would feel so good, it’s like being weightless, and it’s nice and cool–”

“Have you ever been excessively pregnant in the middle of July? With a giant fucking baby? No? That's what I thought.” She snips at her friend, before once again shifting her legs back and forth over each other. 

“No, but I had two babies at the same time. So I think I get the discomfort part.” Glimmer sets down her handiwork, craning her upper body to look at her incredibly uncomfortable friend. “Go ahead. Just let it out.”

“What?”

“Just say it. Whatever’s on your mind. It sucks and you look absolutely miserable. So. Just…let it out. Say whatever you have to say. Complain. Whine. Whatever. You’re miserable and we’re alone. Just let it out. But remember. I grew two. And I can out complain you.” 

Glimmer clasps her hands in her lap respectfully, giving her full and undivided attention to Clove.

Clove doesn’t even bother to hesitate, being given a free stage to complain to somehow who was not going to take any of her slights personally. She sighs loudly before beginning. 

“I fucking hate this. This sucks. I’m so fucking tired. All the time. But I don’t even get to sleep because this kid just moves all. Fucking. Night! Sleeps all day but then it’s like gym class in there the second I go to sleep! Not to mention I can’t even get comfortable, it’s like she’s crushing my spine in here. Or he. Whatever. She’s crushing my spine, he’s crushing my spine, whoever it is is absolutely fucking my back–” 

“Okay, pause, do you want suggestions as we go, or when you’re done?”

“Glimmer. Just let me talk. You can keep the joys of motherhood talk until the end.”

“That's not what I was going to say, but okay, keep going.”

“Where was I? Oh! The pain. I am in agony. All the time. I can’t go in a hot bath because i’ll boil him in there, but holy fuck does this hurt. Sometimes it hurts so bad I can’t breathe, Glimmer. It’s like every joint in my body is being ripped open especially here-” Clove runs her hand over her upper back. “I just hurt all the time and I never want to do this again. I can’t. I just hope this kid is a boy so Cato won’t want me to do it again–”

“Has he said he wants it to be a boy, Clove?” Glimmer raises an eyebrow with disbelief, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion. “He seems pretty happy with the girls, I don’t think he’d be that upset either way. You know you can find out–”

“No he’s never said it but I assume that’s what he’d prefer. And I never want to do this ever again.” Clove absolutely insists, twisting back to her other side still entirely unable to get even the slightest bit comfortable. “Oh, and I’m fucking hungry all the time. That’s great. All I fucking want is a sandwhich, all day every day. But I can’t even have one. Because I can’t have that sandwich meat. I’d actually slit someone’s throat for a turkey and cheese sandwich right now, Glimmer. I would sit and eat mozzarella cheese balls with a spoon, and I don’t even like Mozzarella cheese, but I can’t have it so I want it. I hope this kid knows that it is SPECIAL.”

“...are you done?” Glimmer prods gently, turning to face Clove before she gently pats the couch in front of her. “Come here.”

“Yeah, I actually feel a lot better after that.” Clove admits, before she actually scowls at Glimmer. “Come where? You’re not messing with my hair right now..”

“Put your head right here, if you let me touch you, I can help.” Glimmer offers, once again touching the couch in front of her. “As long as you don’t bite my hands off…”

“I don’t know, Glimmer-”

“Clove! Lay down! Right now.” Glimmer insists, actually just reaching across the couch and grabbing her by the hand before pulling her down practically into her lap. “Lay on your..left side.”

“My side? I’m not a side sleeper-”

“You are now, lay down.” Glimmer rolls her eyes, before she leans just a little bit forward over Clove. “You probably hurt extra because you’re literally letting her crush your back and everything in it. It helps a lot to put all that weight to the front. Now two things, the first one I’m going to touch your back okay?” 

Clove nods as Glimmer’s fingers find the small of her back, and all she does is press in before Clove lets out an actual soft gasp of relief. 

“See? Now, wrap your hands under your stomach, okay?” Glimmer instructs kindly, before putting her hands on top of clothes and pulling up towards her face just a little. “See? It takes all the weight off-”

“OH my God.” Clove breathes in very clear relief, some of the tension truly melting off of her face. “Okay, scratch what I said, you’re an angel, Glimmer.”

“You could just tell Cato to do this, it really will help–”

“Oh absolutely not. I never want him to touch me ever again in my fucking life. I hate him for this. It’s his fault.” Clove snaps right back to her anger, but doesn’t dare flinch too much out of Glimmer’s very intentionally placed hands. “Seriously, If he ever tries to touch me again I’ll cut every one of his fingers off. He’s lucky I let him sleep in the same bed, but he has to stay on the complete opposite side. Seriously, I’m not built for this like you are. That asshole tries to take pictures of me, too, and I about broke his hand yesterday morning by ripping the camera out of it.”

“Hmm, that's unlike you.” Glimmer teases, but there is a softness in her voice that is not quite patronizing but not dreamlike either. “What do you mean like I am?”

“I don’t know Glimmer, you seemed so happy, and you were just so glowy and beautiful and you just were so peaceful and grateful and I feel fucking horrific. I don’t know how I’m supposed to survive another six weeks of this.” Clove mumbles, though her eyes are closed and with her head against Glimmer’s leg there is a lot less malice in her tone. “I’m not you.”

“Oh…Clove, I'm sorry. I don’t think I was very honest with you.” Glimmer admits, glancing down at her friend. “Clove, I cried every. Single. Night. I’d wait until Marvel was asleep, and then I’d go sit in the girls room sometimes for hours and just…cry.  I was terrified, like legitimately terrified. Every single night. For hours. Do you know why I was okay with not telling anyone the twins were twins? Because I was convinced one of them wasn’t going to make it. Aurelia, specifically. She was always so much smaller, always. I didn’t want to tell anyone in case she didn’t and then no one would ever know. And looking back, I can’t imagine pretending she didn’t exist. It would kill me. There's pictures of me, too, every single week, and I can’t look at them either. They’re hidden so I won’t burn them, because I can’t see myself that way even now. No, I was not in as much pain as you are, I know that. But I was scared. I was so so so scared.”

“Glimmer, I didn’t know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that–”

“No, Clove. You should know.” Glimmer insists, shaking her head briskly back and forth. “It’s not fair to you to think that you’re experiencing it wrong. Because you aren’t. I was terrified. Everything else you mentioned…I get some of it. The reason it moves more at night when you’re trying to sleep is because when you walk around all day you like rock her to sleep, so when you lay down it’s not keeping her asleep anymore. If you talk to it, that might help–”

“What do you mean talk to it, it can’t hear me, Glimmer?”

“...of course he can hear you, Clove. Don’t you like..talk to him?”

“Well, no, I didn’t think he could hear through everything between us.” Clove shrugs slightly, trying not to let any of the guilt she suddenly felt slip into her face. Add that as another check as to why she’s an unfit mother.

“...there is literally nothing between you. It’s quite literally as close to you as another human could ever possibly be. The girls didn’t know their names, because they obviously couldn’t differentiate who was who, but when I didn’t know which one was doing something I'd just call them sis, literally just sis, and they did respond to that.” Glimmer can’t help her smile at the memory of her tiny girls in the earliest days of their lives. “They knew when I talked, and they knew Marvel too, because he used to lay in bed and talk to them for hours. I sometimes wonder how they became such chatty little girls, they use real words now, but it’s not actually a question. They get it from him. Now they wake me up with these little hands on my face going ‘Hi mama’ over and over until I wake up. Sometimes I pretend to be sleeping a few extra minutes just because their little voices are so damn cute.”

“You’re just meant to be a mom, Glimmer, that’s what I mean. You just talk about them like that.” Clove explains, running a hand over her face in exhaustion. “How do you just love like that? So freaking effortlessly. I’m fucking terrified I won’t know how to love it.”

“...because that’s just what happens, Clove. It just happens. I promise, Clove. It is effortless. I’m not worried about you not loving your kid, because you will. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do, not having one, but loving one.” Glimmer promises, with such a soft edge in her voice Clove feels like she is being talked to not by her friend but by a mother. “I do think you need to be kinder to yourself. Let Cato help you, Clove, that's why he’s there.”

“No, I can’t tell him.”

“Tell him what, Clove? That you’re uncomfortable? That's a given. You’re tiny and you are sharing your body with another human. You went through things no one can understand, of course you’re uncomfortable.”

Clove rolls further on her side, not wanting to face any passing judgment from Glimmer. “I don’t want him to see me as weak, Glimmer.”

“OH stop RIGHT there, Clove. He would NEVER. I mean that, never in the entirety of his life, is he going to see you that way. I’m sure of it. I will never forget the months he worried about you, and weak was never a word he associated with you. He thinks you walk on water, there's not anyone who’s ever going to be stronger in his eyes than you Clove. I know that without a doubt. He will never see you as weak.”

“But this is different, Glimmer. I should just be good at this, too.” Clove insists half heartedly, dropping the hand under Glimmer’s but actually letting out a whine at the immediate loss of relief followed by the familiar tugging ache. 

“You need to let him help you. He wants to. Besides, he’s got big hands. Make him hold up the baby so you can sleep, you deserve it.” Glimmer promises, gently brushing over Clove’s upper arm. 

“You know, you mentioned how Marvel likes to talk. Back, you know, when we were in the Capitol? Sometimes they’d just drop me back off in this cell and I'd be just…i’d be bleeding and I was in so much pain I couldn't even see straight. And it could be the middle of the night, it could be the morning, I never knew we didn’t know time, but he would sit there and talk to me through the wall for hours. I don’t even know about what. But I think he was afraid that if I fell asleep I wouldn’t wake back up, and so he would keep me just awake enough…he’s good, Glimmer. I know you two had it rough, but he’s good.”

“I know he is. They both are, somehow.” Glimmer gives the softest smile in return, brushing her now free hand over Clove’s hair over and over. Clove isn’t looking up at her, her eyes closed in contentment and genuine relief, allowing her to actually relax. “...and that's why I'm ignoring the fact I can see them throwing my sixteen month olds back and forth in the pool right now.”

_____________________________________________________________

“Cato….Cato…babe…Cato.” Clove nudges impatiently, which soon turns to grabbing his shoulder and shaking slightly. “Cato…Cato!”

“Hmm?” His voice is muffled by the pillow where he buries his face, not even bothering to lift his head from the dead of his sleep. All Clove can really see of him is the broad expanse of his shirtless back, and the mess of his hair facing upwards on the pillow. Even his arms, where they are buried under the pillow to hold up his face, do not move with her insistence. 

“You better learn to wake the fuck up when this kid gets here, I’m not going to be the only one losing sleep.” Clove warns, but fishes his hand out from under the pillow and brings it to her side. “He’s moving a lot right now.”

“Could it be because you’re talking to him at-” Cato raises half his head, just enough so he could see the bedside clock “...two in the morning, Clovey?”

“He was moving before that, too, Cato.” Clove murmurs, moving the dead weight of Cato’s hand around until he relents and turns on his side to face her. “Feel him.” She absolutely insists, leaning back on her hands to prop herself up. “Or her, I guess. I think he’s a boy though. Just a feeling.”

“I think so, too.” Cato admits, and with a sly smile he slides his hand under her (his) shirt, just to feel the smoothness of her skin under his fingertips. There was something about it, even in the dead of the night, about Clove’s little body engulfed by his clothes. He was, as always, obsessed with her, a fact he never let her forget. 

Even if she insisted it’s because nothing else fit her– bold, considering this still looked like a dress that hit her knees. 

“We need to figure out what we’re gonna name this baby, Cato. We’ve got a month if we’re lucky.” Clove put her hand on top of his, guiding it around to the most opportune place that their kid seemed to be hanging out at any given moment. 

“Well you rejected naming him Cato so-”

“Absolutely not, your ego is bad enough, I do not want to live with two Cato Hadleys.” Clove warned, but the soft look in her eyes betrayed anything but annoyance. She strums her fingers on top of his gently, giving them a little soft squeeze. “I love you, you know.”

“I know. You wouldn’t do this if you didn’t.” Cato acknowledges, shifting his head over to lay on her other hand. “I know it’s not easy, It’s been a lot on you. I love you, and somehow I love you more every day, even when you’re threatening to cut off my hands.”

“Well I kind of need you to have hands now, so you’re safe.” Clove teases, but brushes her fingers over the mess of his hair. “You know, I’m going to do all this work and it’s going to come out looking just like you.”

“Hey, I did some work too-”

“Like five minutes of work nine months ago.”

“That’s cold, it was way more than five minutes.”

“Okay, eight minutes.” Clove can’t quite lean down to kiss him, so she settles for squeezing his hand instead. “I’m kidding. You know that. I wouldn’t survive this without you, and I wouldn’t have done it for anyone else.”

“I know, babe. And I never forget that.”

She huffs impatiently as their child has seemingly decided it’s no longer time to play now that Cato’s been woken up, but the reason why hits her like bricks to her chest and the softest little “oh” comes out first. 

“Keep talking to him.” She softly demands of him, holding his hand to her while she so carefully shifts to lay on her side to face him.

“Huh?”

“He stopped when you started talking. He knows you. Keep talking to him, so I can sleep.”

“Are you serious? What should I say?”

“Do I even look like I’m slightly kidding? Goodnight, Cato. Bond with your child.” 

[j2zara]

thinking about the jaces in LSOP (luxury sex object prison) now. j3 was happy for like. a month. and then he started chewing on the bars of the enclosure. j4 is actively in the torment nexus. jace oscillates between quiet resignation and incandescent rage. j2 is the only one thats like "guys we dont have to do ANYTHING and porter still loves us isnt this great?? we dont have to be useful or strong or craft new spells or do weird errands and we still get affection! why arent you smiling? we won!"

MDMDKKSKSKDKD RIGHT and j2 is so desperate for anything and so horny for Jace that he’s the only one that’s convinced himself like isn’t this great guys!!! Now Porter gets to love all of us! The secret j2 facet tho is that he is extremely desperate for purpose and meaning and he hated feeling usesless and hated menial tasks for jaceprime so whenever Porter comes by he is like in tears like Porter I KNOW I could be of some use to you wherever you need me I want to be as valuable to you as I can be and when Porter kisses him and tells him no you’re perfect right here I don’t want to change a thing he’s just like ok <3 I love you and I love luxury sex object prison you deserve everything you want <3

I wasn’t gonna expand on this but tbh I do honestly think j4 is just like. Torment nexus and just existential spiraling bc she truly has no power and nothing to do and not even really a means to fight so like who is she if she’s submitting to her purpose as porters toy. But it’s like. She does. It’s. The first time she’s had any enjoyment in ages. When you don’t even have the dignity of being angry that you’re forced to do weird menial tasks for jaceprime, all you have left is being doomed and born to love Porter cliffbreaker.

J3 i think has gone full brat. Like the subby bottom thing is over he was doing that when he was hungry for the world and willing to take anything anyone would give him but now he has to seek out something more. I honestly think he’s gotten very antagonistic towards Porter in a way to push him goad him to go further and further w him bc he’s literally just begging for some enrichment and thrillseeking. He’s angry. He wants. He thought the idea of a soft place to land was nice for a time but also he’s the one who has been the unstoppable force barreling toward the immovable object bc they both long for the collision for as long as he’s been alive. He’s GETTING that collision

And Jace obviously. Resigned but fuming. He hates his clones. Hates that they’re all him doomed in this situation and he doesn’t even get to be special. He was the one promised everything. He was the one made to love Porter. He was the one Porter returned to after having all his fun with the others. He’s the person, not them. Why should he have to have Porter on his terms, waiting for him to come around? He loved Porter to the point of invention. So why was he denied personhood? Why was he denied godhood?

[sicknessbysalem]

Novemetober (Rescheduled) | Day Five

@monthofsick | day five: undesirable caretaker

im not really feeling the last few days worth of prompts at this time, so i am going backwards and doing prompts that i was interested in

important note: as you may have seen @simplysickness asked me if i would take the reins of some of their old characters as they dont have time to write anymore. i have taken on the responsibility, but it is kind of scary. as it stands right now, i'm thinking i'm only collecting rowan/caspian and lex/soren. sparrow has told me i am welcome to make any background changes/turn the characters into my own (however, i speak with them often so i always get their approval first, lol). any hate/harassment will be blocked, as the original creator of these characters requested i take those reins.

now that that is out of the way it is fic time!

tw emeto, fever, implied abusive parent

Rowan knew this was going to be one of the worst state dinners to date. Granted, he thought that for every state dinner that he was forced to attend, but this one truly took the top spot for worst state dinners ever. And it hadn't even happened yet.

It started the day before they were supposed to leave. To catch their flight. He couldn't sleep, something didn't feel right. At the moment, he didn't feel sick, he just felt as though something was wrong. But it's the flight that solidifies both what was keeping him up, and that this state dinner would be the worst by far.

Rowan felt nauseous. Terribly so. Not even two hours in to the seven hour flight. He was dozing off while his mother was talking to him, giving him a run down of how his behavior should be. Every time he was dozing off, she would roughly nudge his arm to wake him.

"Listen to me," His mother demanded, "You need to behave, now more than ever."

"I'm listening, your highness," Rowan said, "You could have left me home."

"Absolutely not," The queen argued, "Not after your last stunt. Now, stay awake and listen."

Rowan tried, he did. But he was feeling worse and worse as time passed. Her words made him feel sicker, his mouth salivating and his throat growing tight. He didn't exactly have much faith in the idea that he wouldn't be sick before they even got where they were going.

"For the love of all things sacred," His mother said, "Listen. Can you do that for once?"

"I don't feel good," Rowan said softly.

"What did you say?" His mom asked.

Rowan took a deep breath, "I don't feel good. I feel like I'm going to throw up. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

The queen's eyes narrowed with disdain, "You can't be serious, Rowan. Not now.”

“I’m sorry,” Rowan sighed, “Really.”

“This is so typical of you,” Isabella glared at her son, “You always find a way to ruin everything.”

Rowan knew there was no sense in fighting her reprimands. He wished Caspian was here. Or really, anyone who would at the very least not make it out like he was a terrible person for something he couldn’t help.

The airplane's descent only intensified Rowan's discomfort, and by the time they landed, he was pale and visibly unwell. The royal entourage awaited them on the tarmac, and as Rowan stepped off the plane, he could barely stand. His mother, however, paid no mind to his obvious distress.

"We have a schedule to keep, Rowan," she insisted, her tone unwavering. "You will compose yourself for the state dinner. I won't have you embarrass the family any further."

Barely able to muster a response, Rowan did what he did best. He faked it. He took a deep breath, stood straight, fixed his attire. If he could just keep his mother happy, maybe this would be easier to manage.

The vehicle that awaited them seemed like a sanctuary, but as they approached, the reality sank in that there was no reprieve for him. The queen insisted he join her in the car, despite his plea for a moment to collect himself. He knew that meant several things. The car's interior felt suffocating, and Rowan sank into the plush seat, desperately trying to suppress the queasiness gnawing at him. Queen Isabella, however, showed no sympathy.

"You're always making a spectacle of yourself, Rowan," she scolded, her eyes fixed on him in the rearview mirror. "Do you realize the inconvenience you've caused? We can't afford any more scandals. Certainly not from you, the crown prince himself."

Rowan winced, not from his stomachache but from his mother's relentless words. He nodded weakly, unable to meet her gaze.

"I truly thought sending you to the conservatory would fix you, but here we are, as always causing issues when you can just leave well enough alone," Queen Isabella declared, her disappointment evident. "You're supposed to be the crown prince, for heaven's sake, not a burden. Not after your sister.”

As the car sped towards their destination, Rowan clung to the hope that this ordeal would soon be over.

Deep breath. In and out. In and out.

Rowan stood in front of the ornate mirror, trying to muster the energy to prepare for the state dinner.

He had barely managed to shower and change into formal attire when a wave of nausea hit him with relentless force.

Rowan took his suit jacket off. Then took off the button up. His stomach felt horrendous, yes, but he forced himself to stay composed to eliminate ruining his attire. Saving himself a lecture if nothing more.

Rowan clutch the sink, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths. He swallowed saliva, acid, anything. He tried to suppress the nausea to not avail.

He felt his stomach convulse, pulling in with a gag. A sick burp, he spit acid tasting saliva in the sink.

He tried to breathe. He ran the sink. Closed his eyes to ease the dizziness. Nothing helped. The prince retched into the porcelain bowl. The sound echoed in the opulent bathroom.

His mother was probably settling in herself. She probably wouldn’t hear his struggles. Rowan heaved again.

A little more acid, but Rowan could feel there was more. Too much more to stay at the sink.

He went to the toilet, heaving as soon as the lid was up. He heaved so hard that he fell to his knees.

He threw up once. Mostly water, the drink one of the royal assistants gave him that allegedly should have helped him feel better. For a moment, Rowan realized how sad it was that assistants cared more for him than his own mother.

He threw up a second time. It wasn’t much. He was sure it was the little snack and small breakfast from that morning. But thinking about breakfast made him recall dinner and lunch from the night before, and soon enough chunky waves of vomit came up his throat.

A third wave. A fourth. A fifth. Dry heaving. Rowan’s throat was burning, his nose running, and his vision blurred from tears of exertion.

He stood unsteadily. His breaths were shaking and everything felt strange, weak. He flushed the toilet, he rinsed his mouth with the water in the sink. Even rinsed it with mouthwash, not trusting his stomach’s ability to tolerate brushing his teeth again.

He stepped out of the bathroom, grabbed some water. He knew he would probably have to fake health, so the least he could do for himself is try to replace some of what he lost.

"I told you to compose yourself, Rowan," his mother's voice carried from the adjoining room. "We don't have time for your theatrics."

Rowan glanced at his reflection, his eyes reflecting a mix of evident sickness and frustration. The idea of attending the dinner seemed impossible, but Queen Isabella's relentless expectations loomed over him. He took a shaky breath, trying to steady himself.

"I'm really not feeling well," Rowan managed to say, his voice strained. "I think I need to skip dinner. For both of our sakes." Queen Isabella entered the room, her expression stern.

"This is not the time for your excuses, Rowan. You will attend, and that's final."

As Rowan struggled to stand upright, a fresh bout of nausea overcame him. He felt weak and defeated, but his mother's gaze remained unmoved. He leaned on the closest counter for support.

"Enough of this nonsense," his mother snapped. "You're not ruining this for us. Get yourself together and show some respect for your position."

Rowan sat at the table. He didn’t even know who all was here. Each conversation was blending into a cacophony of polite pleasantries. The scent of rich foods and fine wines filled the air, but to Rowan, they only intensified his nausea.

With each forced bite and polite sip, his stomach rebelled further, churning with discomfort. He tried to engage in conversation, to maintain the facade of the dutiful prince, but his efforts were futile. Every word spoken was an effort, every smile strained.

His mother, Queen Isabella, watched him like a hawk, her disapproving gaze a constant weight on his shoulders.

“You're not touching your food, Rowan," she remarked, her voice dripping with disdain. "Are you trying to embarrass me even further?"

Rowan forced a weak smile, pushing the food around his plate. "Just not hungry, Mother," he managed to murmur, his throat dry and constricted.

But as the dinner progressed, Rowan's condition deteriorated rapidly. The room spun around him, and everything around him felt like it became a blur of colors and sounds. Desperately, he reached for his glass of water, hoping to quell the rising tide of sickness within him.

Yet with each sip, the nausea intensified, and Rowan knew he was fighting a losing battle. He glanced desperately at his mother, silently pleading for understanding, but her expression remained cold and unforgiving.

Finally, unable to bear it any longer, Rowan pushed himself away from the table, his chair scraping against the polished floor. "Excuse me," he muttered, his voice barely a whisper. "I need to… I'll be back."

Queen Isabella's eyes flashed with irritation, but Rowan paid her no mind as he stumbled towards the exit, the world spinning around him. He barely made it to the nearest restroom before the contents of his stomach emptied, his body wracked with spasms of nausea.

As he leaned against the cool tiles, tears pricking at his eyes, Rowan knew that his mother's disapproval would have to wait. In that moment, his only concern was surviving the night, one agonizing moment at a time.

He heard the door swing open. Queen Isabella stormed into the restroom, her expression a mix of anger and disappointment.

“Rowan, this is unacceptable," she snapped, her voice cutting through the air. "You cannot simply excuse yourself from the dinner without a valid reason."

Rowan tried to speak, but another wave of nausea overtook him. He doubled over, retching violently as his mother watched with a mixture of irritation and disdain.

He threw up everything he tried to force down. To make matters worse, it was almost entirely undigested. It hurt a lot, and Rowan could feel the way he struggled to catch his breath. Before going through another round of vomiting.

When he finally managed to catch his breath, Queen Isabella's tone softened slightly, though her frustration remained evident.

"Fine, you're clearly unwell," she conceded, her words laced with skepticism. "But we can't have a scene. I'll tell the others you suddenly fell ill. But mark my words, Rowan, this will not be forgotten."

With a dismissive gesture, she signaled for her assistant to assist Rowan.

"Take him back to the suite," she ordered curtly. "And make sure he stays there. I won't have him causing any more trouble tonight."

Rowan's heart sank as he was led away, the weight of his mother's disappointment heavy on his shoulders. He knew he should have been relieved to escape the suffocating atmosphere of the dinner, but all he felt was a profound sense of loneliness and despair.

As the night wore on, Rowan's condition only worsened, each wave of nausea more debilitating than the last. Alone in the suite with his mother, Queen Isabella's displeasure was obvious. She paced the room impatiently, her frustration evident in every sharp exhale and furrowed brow.

"I can't believe you're still not feeling well," she muttered, her tone tinged with annoyance. "This is highly inconvenient, Rowan. You know I have important engagements tomorrow, as do you."

Rowan sighed softly, spitting in the trash can by the bed.

"I don't have time for this," Queen Isabella continued, her agitation mounting. "And to top it all off, you won't be able to take your medication tonight. Do you realize what a mess you're causing?"

Rowan's heart sank at her words, the weight of her disapproval crushing him further. He knew his mental health medication was crucial for stabilizing his condition, but to his mother, it was just another inconvenience. Everything was an inconvenience to her and he wished he was back home. Back with Caspian, he would even take Linnea right now. Someone who saw him as a person, not a problem.

"I'm sorry, Mother," he whispered, his voice barely audible above the tumult in his mind. "I can't help being sick."

Queen Isabella's expression softened slightly, though her frustration remained evident. "Well, you'll just have to get better quickly," she replied brusquely. "I can't afford to have you dragging down our responsibilities with your problems. Especially not my responsibilities. Your sister was never this much of a problem to me."

With a heavy sigh, she settled into an armchair, her gaze fixed on Rowan with a mixture of disdain and resignation. As he drifted in and out of consciousness, the only comfort he found was in the hope that eventually, he would find solace away from the suffocating expectations of royalty and the unyielding disapproval of his mother.

[beecanons]

Percy learning the reader regresses

legend of vox machina percy learning his partner is an age regressor

a percy x agere!reader headcanon post!

i'd imagine how he would find out is by noticing your behaviour changing. youre all stopped at some place to rest, an inn maybe? and while you have a break from adventures you just start to slip but its the first time you've done it in a while especially around percy maybe it was an offhanded comment/compliment and being tired that triggered it, a mix of exhaustion from the adventure and someone saying something like "good job back there [name]"

he'd just notice you start to get a little shy or more energetic and maybe struggle with your words and he'd take you aside from the group to ask you if you were alright he just wants to make sure youre okay, maybe he thinks youre tired and need to rest early so he offers to take you to your room for the night or he thinks youre still shaken up from the adventure you'd been on and he'll ask if you need anything to help calm down/relax "are you alright? you seem a bit..off this evening. do you need anything love? would you like to talk about it?"

hes very sweet and understanding so when you manage to explain you age regress and that youre slipping, he asks questions to try and understand better he wont ask anything that might be too invasive and definitely wont pressure you to answer anything you dont want to

he'll keep his voice low so the conversation's just for the two of you to hear he wont pressure you to tell the others but he'll at least ask if you want him to explain it to anyone else in the group later his first thoughts were vax and pike or grog but he'll only bring it up with them if you want him to maybe not right then but the next day you're little if youre comfortable with it

will for sure try and figure out what he can do to help you need cuddles from him? he'll tell the party youre going head in for the night and spend it in your shared room cuddling.

if you dont have any little gear or anything he'll try making something or buying it. will get asked by a vendor if hes a dad and gets very embarrassed at first but eventually just says yes and leaves it at that "oh thats adorable, would you happen to be shopping for your child, im sure they'd love that one, kids love these toys now adays!" "er-um..yes. thank you. good day"

he's found a new way to spoil you expect a lot of gifts and sweet words "i have a surprise for you little one" "i got something for you before we left dear"

he will ask what nicknames and terms hes allowed to use for you and what he should avoid your comfort is top priority to him

his heart will melt if you call him nicknames and cling to him in turn hearing that you trust him enough to refer to him with cg terms or anything like that warms his heart

it might take him a while to properly catch on to signs of when youre slipping, if its during and adventure he'll completely miss it most times if its during a fight he'll panic a bit and wanna get you out of the battle field as soon as possible

he'll be so bad at catching on at first he'll over prepare to the point he's not at all prepared. thinks he knows exactly what to do but really doesnt he'll have something on hand sure but he wont know what to do. does he just give it to you or take you aside in private first? is it the right thing for you right now? might accidently hesitate too long because of this

hes afraid to leave any weapons around you incase youre little and an accident occurs probably gets a bit over protective because of this "im not letting you have that" "its literally just a knife percy" "darling what if you hurt yourself, i cant let that happen"

a lot of "youre too little to do x" language, especially at the start. lossens up on everything once he's finally got the hang of it though.

all in all percy truly adores you and wants to do everything he can to help

requested by @syth-de-rolo !

feel free to share your own headcanons or request more!

[c0rinarii]

Gonna recompile some thoughts about the 13SAR characters now that im past midpoint!

Juro: Oh its getting juicy.... unfortunately my boy is still as intresting as a plank of sheet wood but im intrested to see if his character goes anywhere outside of the Kyuta stuff going on. Im also sorry i ever suggested to u to make out with Kyuta.

Iori: SHE'S SO FUNNY.... I aspire to have even an inch of her whimsy and dedication to being so #normal. I too would like to confess to my weird as hell crush disregarding the fact he's a dangerous fugitive. Girl of All Time

Shuu: Frat bot facade is slowly starting to crumble and im here to see it. Uncover the truth, gayboy‼️

Megumi: I FEEL SO SORRY FOR U GIRL.... 😭 May you find peace in the future but its an overall shitty situation to be in. truly have her in my thoughts and prayers

Natsuno: I WAS SO HEARTBROKEN TO SEE HER WHIMSY FADE AWAY ONCE SHE FOUND OUT ABOUT THE TRUE NATURE OF THE KAIJU 😭😭 I love that she managed to maintain her optimism despite the awful situation she's been put in though. Still a joy to see pop up on the screen

Keitaro: HE REALLY IS A GOOD BOY... He's just trying his best and i love him for that. You'll save everyone you care about i promise [IMPERIALISM IS LYING TO U AND TAKATOSHI!! I SWEAR]

Takatoshi: Boys be fighting demons and demons is bisexuality. I enjoy him a Regular amount and i appreciate seeing his himboisms so much in the game. I never want to seem him That sad again [IMPERIALISM IS LYING TO U AND KEITARO!! I SWEAR]

Okino:

Yuki: MY PRINCE.... MY SHINING STUD‼️‼️ I love her a very normal ammount and seeing her slowly uncover the truth is nice to see. Definetily much smarter than she think she is.

Gouto: The fact that he is ong for real Ryoko's government assigned boyfriend is the funniest thing to come out of the game so far. He's still gated behind a huge completion milestone but so far i feel like he's trying to make sense of the situation the best he can. Unlike Tomi though, he's very scared of the circumstances of if he disobeys orders, i think.

Ryoko: She's been such a mood so far that i now think of her with her hands on her head when i stress about my uni deadlines. Im so sorry for Ida being anywhere near her life. She should get a wife to kiss and heal her. I give her full permission to kill anyone who breaks her heart. My snarky queen

Ei: HE ACTUALLY GREW ON ME I CANT BELIEVE IT. He really reminds me if the cool rivals with a soft spot you'd see in shonen anime and I cant be too mad at that. I enjoy how taciturn he can be too.

Nenji: HE'S ACTUALLY SUCH A SWEETHEART... knowing that he was childhood friends with Miwako really made me like him more (esp with how he treats her!) Loveable idiot.

Tomi: MY MUTUAL... OOMF IN ARMS... #GIRL IN LAW. Literally love how's she's written her personality is so so colorful. She has definitely said some out of pocket shit on twitter before and ill defend her with my life.

Miwako: I WILL WRITE YOU INTO RELEVANCY MYSELF‼️‼️There is so much oppurtunity to write her as one of the 15. LET THEM BE 16‼️‼️ HER "easy to develop crushes" SELF CAN BE MADE INTO SOMETHING MUCH BIGGER TO THE NARRATIVE RAUGHHH

Chihiro: I can see she's really trying her best to save everyone from the kaiju and seems to resort to any means neccesary to do so... i appreciate the effort despite the uh. [gestures] unethical treatment towards minors ig

Ida: EVERYTHING IS LITERALLY UR FAULT. I CANT BELIEVE IT. This would be half the disaster if you learnt how to sod it with ur selfish desires i swear.

Kyuta, Not-Tamao, 426, Izumi: I CLOCKED UR SHIT, SNEAKY BITCH. I dont trust a word you say. """"Means well"""" in the end i think but has way more messed up ways to go around it compared to Morimura

Miyuki: So far looking like the only person willing to help these kids in a way that would not give them severe trauma. Rooting for u girl.

[No thoughts on Tamao since i consider Erika as 426]

[violet-moonstone]

the MCU's rhetoric about political resistance/change is often so insidious. the only time we see people who want to change the status quo, theyre destructive and often incapable of feeling compassion for anyone outside of the group theyre fighting for. so the only two options are siding with the cruel antagonist who wants real change and the heroes who will make small concessions so that the audience feels good but ultimately they uphold the harmful status quo. I'm not saying this doesn't happen in real life, but when a trope pretty much becomes the default, you start to see the writer's political messages coming out. ESPECIALLY when the primary threat comes from exploited working class people/oppressed minorities and not the colonialist powers and corporations that put them in that position.

sidenote: when i watched black panther 2 and realized that the primary conflict was going to be black people fighting indigenous people and that western hegemony and exploitation of resources was just a side plot, I immediately lost all hope for that film. I loved the music, the visuals and the fight scenes, but the writing?? i was so disappointed. All the dissatisfaction I felt from Black Panther 1 came flooding back. Before they were pitting us against each other, this time it was against another oppressed group...hhhhhhh. anyway jokes on me for expecting different. I really just need to read The Deep (and if its anything like the song its based on, its probably much better executed than wakanda forever).

anyway, yes, the audience has the freedom to see things with nuance but i dont think most people will (because "its just a fun superhero move, why are you taking it so seriously?"), and I dont think the writers want them to - otherwise they'd start including more nuanced characters rather than villains who we are shown have to be defeated for the greater good, no matter how valid their arguments may be. and I understand that the vast majority of people are not watching superhero movies looking for nuance and depth but thats all the more reason why so much of the MCU's writing is concerning. Every time we're faced with a troubling political/ecological debate, the conclusion is that whoever tried to change things was in the wrong, and we'll make a small concession at the end so everyone feels somewhat satisfied and doesn't really have to confront any uncomfortable implications.

ex: infinity war shows us Thanos' eco fascism as the main (and only?) criticism of the overconsumption of resources. I may be wrong but I don't remember anyone talking about sustainability as vital solution or anything...and in FATWS the conversation is STILL about the pros and cons of the Snap - not anything to do with sustainability...because that would require the audience to be confronted with real life political implications that are bit too close to home. Even to have one or a few characters suggest an alternative and for Thanos to shoot it down because he doesn't trust people to be sustainable, and because he truly thinks killing people is the best possible plan (which makes no sense btw because it implies that all species are overpopulated at the same and that every single species in the universe consumes resources in the same way..they made movie!Thanos *seem* so intelligent but his thought process literally makes no sense. and fans bend over backwards to justify it because "hes the mad titan" even though you clearly cant use that defense based on the way he's written in the film. The writers clearly want us to see him as rational but cruel...anyway its not 2018 so let me stop beating the dead horse of this tired topic)

basically, theres rarely (if ever) a middle between the two extremes, because theres no room for that. There has to be a good guy and a bad guy...perhaps a well intentioned and misguided bad guy, but ultimately still a bad guy. The options are: pretty much nothing but minor things change and the problem still exists OR everything changes but it would require the violent villain getting their way and killing innocent people in the process.

anyway thank god for the spiderverse , which actually does the opposite (and thank god spiderverse is not directly part of the MCU and the writers actually have something to say). I think the loki show may be doing something similar but im not caught up so idk. loki to me feels like spiderverse but with less narrative cohesion

[bellanotgoth]

Life is strange Fanfic

Fanfic I guess Rachel, Nathan, Chloe and Frank (and me).

This is totally made up out of the blue and its probably pretty bad but just wanted to try it out hope you like it🩷

So me and Rachel would become super close as friends when we were little just like max and Chloe but when i lost my other friend in suicide at age of 8 i was suicidal and Rachel was there for me and since then we did everything together, but then at age of 15 we kinda parted ways slowly but we still did stuff together and when i started hanging out with Nathan Prescott she got furious and i started secretly dating him and i got bullied for it for about 1-2 years and then at age of 17 I met frank when I was getting drugs for Nathan and we had an argument and Nathan came to where we were by the forest and he had a gun and the two quickly got into a fight and Nathan was gonna shot but he shot close to me.

I almost got shot and then he ran away from the place and I was stuck there with frank and I forced him to let me use his bathroom and we started talking and saw how much things we kinda had in common. So on we started a small summer fling he thought i was 18 at first but then found out he i was 16-17 he got mad but we continued until we ended the affair. I started studying my marines and i was always by the beach and the ocean or any sort of waters for that matter, i had my friends Zachary and Crystal. Zac was super into animals which I also am and he wanted to work at a zoo one day or become like Steve Irwin and Crystal she was so cool, her eyes were literally blue like crystals and her hair was black as the night and I cant lie if i said I didn't like her more then a friend at one point she really stuck out. She could be really bad but she was so laidback and nice to everyone and got along well with almost everyone.

Crystal and I become pretty close after my fall out with Rachel when i was 15 we became the new R and B that was our thing me and Rachel we had a band when we were younger called RnB cuz it was our initials. Yeah yeah well Crystal always came and sat with me by the beach and we would read our favourite novels out loud since we both hate to read but we loved hearing it. She could play almost every instrument but her favourite was the flute, she loved to sit and play it while we could hear the waves on the shore she was a natural.

When I was zac he is soo fun, he loves animals and well I do too but my favourite is cats i dont know how many petitions I have had to sign because of him. He is truly a fighter for animals rights yeah he wont let any animal be seen hungry or hurt and he just fights for whats right and I think thats cool of him I admire that. Besides his huge love for animals he also has a thing for photography. When I learned he and Nathan was in the same class I was furious at first but then It cooled off I cant hide from him forever, ever since he left me there after he almost shot me I was so mad. The Nathan I knew was a sensitive sweet guy, yes he had his bad sides but that's the thing I do too when we fought hell broke loose. Thats why I was surprised to learn when i got to campus how people saw him as so crazy.

After some time eventually me and Rachel become friends again, it was then I met Chloe she was soo amazeballs I had never met anyone like her she and Rachel were pretty similar but also so alike I know Rachel and she likes to get what she wants and Chloe she just seems like a troubles teen with a lot of trauma. We Three became like the blonde trio (well I had naturally brunette hair but). But we three had really fun times I even took a pic of them by the beach. It was really great, I talked a lot with Chloe I just found it so interesting what she had been through I also understood her loss of her father I had lost mine too not the same way but we kinda connected on that. After some time we both noticed how Rachel was a bit distant but we never knew why maybe Chloe did and she never told me but I surely did not.

Some months after I went to see Frank again you know just catch up, when i drove to his RV which were at our favourite spot. I froze when I got out of the car and saw Rachel there with Frank, I did not know what to feel betrayed or hurt shocked or confused maybe a mix they weren't only together but kissing I felt like throwing up they went in the RV and then I drove off before I left the site I threw a rock on the side window of the RV and drove as fast as I could. I did not want to tell Chloe since I knew her feelings for Rachel were deeper than mine so I left her out of it but soon enough I started hanging out with Crystal and Zac again.

I had not talked to neither Rachel or Chloe for a while and it was to my surprise when I woke up one day at campus and went to the bathroom to see a missing persons report my eyes were still not awake so I just thought oh unfortunate and when I walked back from the bathroom to my dorm I saw her face Rachel frickin Amber. How the hell did this happen, I took the poster and went inside my dorm and cried. That day I decided to contact Chloe and ask her what happened her response was pretty harsh and cold and she basically told me nothing she hung up and then I sat there shocked.

Everyone on campus was talking about her "did you hear about that girl who is missing" "Rachel Amber" I couldn't concentrate at all "Bella all good?" Crystal waved her hand in front of my face "Yeah I'm fine" both Crystal and Zac were just talking about the new petition Zac wanted to make for the stranded whales and even though Crystal also loved animals she rolled her eyes "Heres another petition for you" and she wrote down on a piece of paper "sign for nerds to be quiet" and she had written her name down on it and she gave it to Zac and laughed.

Heres some pics to the fic, me as Bella obvi and then Nathan, Rachel, Chloe and Frank:3

[ofmimicry]

hello friends! it is time! Below the cut I have included connections and plot ideas that i have for my current characters. If there are any that interest you please reach out - especially if you have a lot of muses - otherwise give this a like and I will come to you

CARDAN GREENBRIAR.

I'll start this off by saying that Cardan is not available for shipping, he's one of my few characters where I have it in his bio that he's married to his canon partner (im obsessed with them, truly)

I would love to see people that he's pranked or gotten into fight with before, he has the ability to glamour things and could also technically make humans do whatever he wants, though he's trying to behave

some friends would be fun, of course, cardan is a bit of an alcoholic if i'm being honest and he can be a bit cruel to anyone he doesn't like HOWEVER he has gotten better and can be a good friend and person. it just takes some time and patience

CONNOR HOLSTROM.

I would love for him to have a few roommates - maybe four people sharing an apartment? I think that could be super entertaining

A group of friends, i do plan on him gaining his memories back eventually and befriending the other characters from the crescent city books but i think it would be entertaining and good for future angst if he had made some solid friendships before his memories return. Connor is into sports and fitness and also drinks in his free time

Gym buddies! he works at a gym and i feel like he would have made friends there

Someone, or maybe a few people, who he just doesnt get along with. Where they bicker/banter and leave every conversation rolling their eyes at each other

a midgame ship. I kind of want him to meet someone and think that theyre the one for him but then something happens where they end up breaking up. I do see him as bi so it could be boy or girl and we can discuss reasonings for the breakup as we go

an endgame ship. i almost want it to be someone that he's friends with and ends up developing feelings for them.

NINA ZENIK

Bi queen, however shipping is already going to be a mess for her. Nina is a flirt and currently doesn't have her memories so if we would like to add more angst i would gladly do some flirtationships and maybe have her go on a few dates

Lots of friends please! Nina is an extrovert and has a huge heart. She's very confident and can be self sacrificing almost ( definitely ) to a degree where it's a flaw

I do think she'd definitely have enemies or people she doesn't get along with, she's very outspoken about her opinions and I think it'd be fun to have someone that she doesn't get along with even if it's something small and all they do is bicker

i think that a roommate or two would also be entertaining! I definitely dont think she would live alone

INQUISITOR ANDROMEDA LAVELLAN.

Andromeda is very playful and flirty so I could definitely see her having some flings and even one night stands

friends will be hit or miss, she can befriend anyone but she also has trust issues so while she may be friendly it might take awhile for a real friendship to form

i'd like some workout buddies for her! She's definite a regular at the gym and I can also see her as the type to go for a run every morning

reading buddies/book club? She's only recently started reading for fun but it's something that she enjoys and i'd love to see her bond through that ( also her bragging that one of her closest friends is an author )

i also think it could be fun for her to bond with others from different fantasy worlds, just seeing them discuss the differences could be entertaining, i think

SUNNY BAUDELAIRE.

I would love for her to go on some dates, I'm not sure how much of a settling down type Sunny is but I'd love to explore chemistry with her and see who she vibes with. I think she's still learning for herself and it could be really fun

Friends! she definitely cooks for them at any given opportunity

a best friend, i want someone outside of her siblings that she feels comfortable letting down her guard for

Coworkers, maybe they aren't super close friends but the type of people that she gets along with and they have a camaraderie despite being very different people, give me one adult that she actually trusts of the head chef that she works for

I could see her having enemies and I genuinely wouldn't be surprised if there were time that she had gotten physical with them

[19871997]

also in 12 when tess becomes like part of the heist for stromer... if we took it in a direction of like this is working for mcstrome this time, like really truly working, leon can be Behaving abnormally about it and then connor can do the same thing in reverse when mattdrai starts to really properly work, and they (mcdrai) can be very hypocritical and weird to each other about it with the funny add on of you are both being gay on the daily so what is the issue with you two banging it out. you're not even closeted

gdhfjgklglgja connor being. extremely abnormal about leon and matthew to the point where bedard is like. hey man. is everythibg alright between you two you looked like you were about to bite his head off when he talked about proposing? and connors all. no. im fine. i dont even care (he cares a lot. actually. doesnt really know why) and nuge pulls him aside and is all. hey buddy, do you want to put a name to these special feelings youre having about leon? connor: my special feeling is that hes always talking about matthew. matthew this matthew that 🙄 nuge: so.. would you say youre jealous of matthew…? connor: NO. whatever. he’s distracting leon from the job. this is why relationships are bad for leon :( and alternatively, leon, at anyone who will listen when things are working between dylan and connor: he already broke his heart once! why is he trying with him again he’s only going to get hurt when he realises dylan cant give him what he wants and needs. i could take better care of him. nuge: so.. you’d want to be with him? leon: when did i say that.

also like. this connor and leon have the messiest personal relationship ever like yes they have all this trust and faith and boundless respect and together the lourve should start thinking about improving it’s security and yes they love each other (as friends) and yes theyve had sex (somewhat often) (also as friends) and yeah. sure whatever every time connor was with dylan leon felt like his insides were made of sand and every time leon was with matthew connor felt the desperate need to explode something but thats probably normal (it’s really not, man, you might wanna get that checked out, mitch tells leon one day. you’re insides are what? you have got to become more normal, auston tells connor) BUT theyve never really put to words or sat down to have a think about like. why it makes connor want to throw up at the concept of leon marrying matthew/not being by his side forever or why leon couldn’t bring himself to be sad about connor’s divorce (or, really, why connor went into his marriage knowing that leon will still be there, no matter what happens with dylan, ans why leon stood next to connor as his best man finding comfort in the fact that they were not going to last because noone gets connor the way leon does and he knows this to be true because connor fucking told him at his fucking bachelor party) and like half the reason they havent talked about it is because if they go sideways then their whole livelihood goes sideways especially at this point where all their friends/accomplices are melded together and they dont want to add that into the mix and the other half is that theyve come this far being selfish and putting themselves first that now there’s someone else they care about just as much as themselves they dont really know what to do about it all. (also like connor had thought that the most he could care about someone else was dylan. leon thought the most he could care about someone else was matthew. dylan and matthew always knew they came second to leon and connor)

ALSO funny concept of like every any time connor and leon are at risk of having a fight they just have fuck about it -> make a decision post orgasm (has led to interesting results but at least the come about the result quickly ..!) so when they’re honestly really trying with dylan and matthew. well. they have to actually talk out their problems. which theyre not going to do. obviously. which well. less to issues and problems