#really love this bug version of me will save this forever

[chlorenw]

Hey I remember when you had your profile pic as a bug version of yourself and I know it was a LONG time ago but this t shirt I found a picture of reminded me of that XD

have a nice day 💛

this right!

and I love that shirt!!!

[tangledbea]

I'm writing a new dream fic, and Analyzing Character Psychology™️ is kinda hard. What would you say are Rapunzel and Eugene's biggest flaws? What are their most crucial *positive* qualities?

On that topic, what advice do you have for writing characters IN character? How to get them right?

Oof, this is a difficult question, because do you want me to stick to series canon or the way I see and portray them?

Rapunzel's Flaws

The Series: Her biggest flaw in the series is that she cannot see the world from any perspective but her own. In their attempt to make Rapunzel "always right," they made her come across as dismissive of other people's feelings and point of view. This is what leads her to bugging Cassandra incessantly at the beginning of "Under Raps" (or what caused her to try to force her to be her friend in the first place), and to dismiss Eugene's concerns about someone stealing the identity of Flynn Rider, none of which I felt was in character for her.

The reason I don't agree with this is because of the way she was raised. Gothel raised her to be attentive and obedient, which would cause her to be hyper-aware of people's moods and know when it's best to stay out of their way. The movie shows her being nonconfrontational. The series got right that she's a people pleaser, because all she knew until she left the tower, was to do things so that the only other person in her life would like/love her more. She felt her only worth was in her hair and what she could give others. She would not insist upon doing everything her own way.

My Interpretation: Her biggest flaw in my interpretation is that she wants to be all things to all people, and that means taking on responsibilities and emotional burdens that she can't really bear, but not sharing them with other people because she doesn't want to be a bother to them. She gives and gives and gives of herself until she's burned out, and even then, she forces herself to smile through the fatigue and pain. There is a lot going on behind that sunshiny personality.

Rapunzel's Positive Traits

The Series: The series has her most positive trait fragrantly be that she doesn't give up on people, no matter what. And yes, her willingness to give people a second, third, fifth, fiftieth chance is a good thing, but it can also be taken too far and turn her into an assault victim (and yet she'll keep getting up and not giving up on the person who wants her dead).

The reason I don't agree with this is because she did eventually stand up to Gothel when she realized she'd been done dirty. And though she didn't particularly want to harm her, she was 100% ready to walk out of her life forever and never look back. Rapunzel knew that her hair was keeping Gothel alive, but she swore to never let her use it again. I don't think she'd be so keen to keep trying to "save" Cassandra, given that Cassandra was literally trying to kill her.

My Interpretation: To me, her most positive trait is that she sees the world with new eyes. Because she wasn't raised in a society, she notices and questions things that most of society just grows up taking for granted. This attitude will lead her to lift up the very people who were trying to take her and the other nobles down in "Tangled: before Ever After". And because of my previous complaint with how the series portrays her biggest flaw, I fully believe that she will listen to the people she's trying to reform and find out what made them turn to crime in the first place. Rapunzel is the sort of person to fix the system, not the problems the system caused.

Eugene's Flaws

The Series: The series would have us believe that Eugene's biggest flaw is his vanity. They play it up for laughs ("Be Very Afraid") and have it be this annoying thing he's utterly obsessed with.

I don't agree with this, but it's closer than their version of Rapunzel's biggest flaw. Eugene's vanity is a symptom of his actual biggest flaw, which I'll address below.

My Interpretation: Eugene's biggest flaw is that he has no sense of self-worth. The series actually does touch on this multiple times, and in that respect they did him proud. The vanity is there because, just as beauty is only skin-deep, so is his self worth. But if he looks good on the outside, then that will buy him time to convince people he's worth theirs. (Besides, there's literally nothing wrong with a man being well-groomed and liking his appearance.) Eugene's sense of self-worth is so low that he spent over half his life pretending to be someone else. He told Rapunzel that she fixed him, because he didn't see himself as being able to do it on his own. He begins the series literally not knowing who he is as a person, because the person he pretended to be has been retired. And while he does spend the series gaining confidence in himself and finding purpose, I don't agree with what they decided his purpose eventually is.

Eugene's Positive Traits

The Series: His loyalty. And you know what? For the most part, I don't disagree with this. However, they took his loyalty and turned it into a flaw by having him just go along with whatever Rapunzel wanted. Not having self-worth doesn't mean that he has no thoughts or opinions of his own.

I don't think even for a moment that he'd forgive Cassandra for everything that she did. She didn't just betray Rapunzel, she betrayed them all. Not only that, she attempted to kill him and his entire close friend group, especially Rapunzel, she took over the only place that ever felt like home to him, she helped the greatest evil and threat become unleashed. He wouldn't sit in a burning building drinking coffee and saying, "This is fine." Nor would he turn a blind eye and say, "Glad you're back to normal."

My Interpretation: His loyalty, not only to Rapunzel, but to himself and his standards. Once you win his trust, he's got your back. But if you then stab him in the back, he is done with you. We don't know what happened between him and Lance to make them part ways, but Eugene didn't trust Lance not to ruin his new way of life, even after Lance had started to reform (see "The Way of the Willow"). Eugene might not have much self-worth, but he protects that which he cares about (so long as it hasn't hurt him in the process).

Secondly to this is his compassion. He acts tough and thoughtless, but he actually cares deeply, and you can see it in how he treats people once he warms up to them.

Keeping Characters In Character

The best way I've found to keep a character I'm writing in character is to think about what a situation makes them think and how a it makes them feel. (And explaining this thought process in the writing with both descriptive words [He was amazed.] and actual reactive thoughts [Did that really just happen? What was he supposed to do with that?!].) Writing a character's reaction to something isn't always easy, and sometimes you're going to find that the reaction you anticipated them having is not the one you're getting. In those cases, you either let their new reaction carry the story in a slightly altered direction, or else you slightly alter events to get the reaction you wanted. Always keep their backstory in mind, and how that backstory would affect their emotions. But include all of the backstory, including the recent past. Rapunzel is not the same person post-series as she is in the movie, because she's experienced a lot in that time period. But who she was raised to be will still affect her actions going forward. You can't just undo 18 years of trauma, neglect, and abuse.

As for dialogue, write the gist of what you want them to say, then read it back to yourself in their voice. Can you clearly hear it in their voice in your head, or does it feel clunky and not like something they'd say? Adjust it until it sounds like them. (One of my biggest jobs when editing Tangled: Between the Kisses is making sure the dialogue is phrased in such a way as it sounds like the character saying in.)

I hope this helps! Feel free to ask me if you've got any other questions!

[cf56]

My thoughts on episode 7

SPOILERS for season 3, episode 7 of the Animaniacs reboot

The emotions of the past two days took my mind off of the isolated hell of my own creation, but now I'm starting to get antsy again. I'm also starting to feel the dread setting in that Animaniacs is about to end for me. I only have two new episodes that I haven't seen, and that's probably it forever. I have rarely in my life had a week with such deeply mixed emotions.

This episode was good. We finally got a third Warner song, and it only took 7 episodes. I still can't wrap my head around how it took so long, but at least the song was good.

I just thought they looked cute here at the very beginning, dying in the heat.

I liked Wakko comforting his sister.

I liked how BOTH little sibs got it wrong instead of Wakko being portrayed as the dumb one.

This very brief shot was also cute to me, the Warners staying entertained on the trip by playing a little game together.

I like how often I've seen their tails and fur get fluffed up in shock/fear this season. Makes them feel more alive. And it's cute, of course.

Now we get into the song. I like how, despite how cynical they usually are, the Warners seem to genuinely care about this issue and got a little shocked at the depth of Josh Polar's callousness towards it.

Gotta at least mention Yakko's dancing here.

While it did get me a little to see the genuine concern of Wakko's siblings here, it would hit much harder if I didn't know they were resuscitating him just to immediately celebrate his supposed death in the next episode. What happened, writers?

The song really kicked into another gear at the end, which is what took it from good to great in my mind.

Nice to see the sibs pulling out their Bugs Bunny antics. I would call him their mentor, but most people don't realize that the Warners are canonically older than Bugs Bunny, so technically they set the example for him, in-universe.

I didn't really need the warning to know this was preachy, but I didn't mind it.

Wakko saw his brother pull out a whole turkey, but his mind instead saw the energy efficient lightbulb to be a tastier snack. What a cute little enigma.

The exchange about leftovers was genuinely great and totally in-character.

And it's nice to see Yakko accepting Wakko's ignorance instead of beating him over the head with it like earlier in the reboot.

Forget the impending and currently ongoing environmental catastrophes, forget the anarchic oncoming societal change, forget the impending doom of humanity, we need to pass green legislation to SAVE THE WARNERS!!!

LOOK AT HOW THEY HOLD ONTO HIM! Dot sitting on his leg... babies.

This segment was good and the song was pretty great. Definitely slots in as my second favorite song of the season so far, after Do It Yourself.

Lawn in 60 Seconds reminded me of The Flame from the original series. Anthropomorphizing a small background object you'd never think to anthropomorphize.

I already feel bad when I mow the lawn, and this segment didn't help. The grass and bugs who live there never asked to be savagely cut down by the lawn mower's blade, just for the purpose of humanity holding onto their perfectly manicured lawns!

All's Fair in Love and Door was interesting.

I liked that Pinky genuinely tried to listen to Brain and not go in the door, but he confused himself into doing it anyway.

I thought the alternate reality concept was kind of creepy until I learned it wasn't the real Julia he had trapped in there. It's still pretty creepy, though, considering this Julia proved herself to be just as sentient as the real one... Can't Brain just leave it alone? Now you've messed up two different versions of the same person you created in the first place to serve your selfish emotional needs.

I liked that Julia found out the truth on her own instead of Pinky spilling the beans.

It was pretty cute how Brain tried to silently protect Pinky in the trashcan.

Gay.

At this point, though, I'm not sure they're going to go all the way with it. This would have been the perfect segment to do it in.

I'm not sure if this will ever amount to anything.

It was an interesting segment that posed some deep moral questions on the nature of love and marriage. I think it could have been better if it went farther with things.

Cute Things That Can Kill You was a decent PSA, I guess. I'm pretty sure everyone was aware that pufferfish are deadly. That's like the whole reason they're a famous animal.

The episode was pretty good. I would have liked it better if I didn't know what was coming next. Even though I've already seen it, it still fills me with a sense of dread just to see the thumbnail next on the docket. I'll probably post the official review of it tonight to get it over with, and then move onto episode 9 tomorrow and finish it up with episode 10 on Saturday. Then I'll be free and depressed simultaneously, just as you're supposed to be on social media.

This episode isn't as hard to rate as the other ones I've seen recently. It wasn't as good as my two favorites this season. It's about on par with episode 4, which is currently in third place. It's a hard call between them. I liked the Warner antics in episode 4, but this episode had a killer song and a more intriguing PATB segment. I probably have to give this one the nod.

My current ranking of season 3 episodes:

Episode 6

Episode 3

Episode 7

Episode 4

Episode 2

Episode 1

Episode 5

The list is splitting itself into clear parts. The top 2 are my absolute favorites, some of the best Animaniacs I've seen. The top 4 are all the episodes I'd consider legitimately good. The bottom 3 aren't bad, but had parts that made me go "meh." You might think it'll be an easy call on where to put episode 8, but I'm not sure. Most of that episode was actually good. It's just a few small parts that soured the entire episode, season, and show for me. Remove those parts and it'd definitely be up along with the top 4 in the "genuinely good" category. It's just that those parts also happened to have an indescribably huge negative emotional impact on me in general... I'll tackle that dilemma when I get there.

Feel free to add to the discussion of this episode if you want, but don't say anything about the episodes that come after. Thanks.

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(I couldn't decide between the two)

[moontheoretist]

Lo and behold, it finally happened.

Ladies and Gents and Nonbinary friends. Lo and behold, it finally happened. The magnificent Gale Bug manifested for me today. The issue is though that I heard they have fixed it, so why them fixing it for you all broke it for me? Unless, Gale silently pinning and saying nothing all this time was also a bug all in itself? Still I must say its timing is funny, because I just told Astarion that we can be together non-sexually if he wants, and then we went to explore the map a bit, finishing all the sidequests I had still hanging, met some Githyanki by pure accident, and then came back once again to Moonrise Towers just in case I missed something before going to Shadowfell, found some info about Ketheric's weakness which I didn't need, because I already knew about the artifact beforehand, and finally we went to camp to rest, because all of that wasted most of my spell slots.

And it was then, when the mighty dialogue "choose between me and Astarion" has appeared! I elected to ignore it and only ask Gale about the possibility of Nightsong saving his nice ass, and then ended the day. To my utter surprise, when everybody took off their armors and was wandering about in their pajamas, Gale suddenly wanted to talk and invited me for a magical night under the starry sky. And because I'm a sucker for him and I couldn't break the heart of a man that was literally sure this is his last night, and he is going to die soon, because next day we are going to the Shadowfell for the Nightsong, I was nice and romantic and reciprocated everything without ever saying "I love you too", and after that the romance was already triggered. Astarion, funnily, had no comments about it. And what's the funniest: "choose between me and Astarion" dialogue option disappeared from Gale's repertoire forever, so now I'm virtually romancing both of them. And neither has any comments about the other. I couldn't even mention Astarion during the very romantic "Imma tragically die, so I want you to know I love you" cutscene, that culminated with some astral sex.

Not during, not after. It's as if the other partner didn't even exist.

How was I supposed to say "no" to a guy who thinks he'll die?

Edit: I loaded a save before my romance with Gale got locked, and this time rejected Gale by choosing Astarion (I feel so bad still, OMG! Don't worry Gale, I have another Drow just for you, a nice little goody-two-shoes Paladin, I will give you the love you deserve in the next playthrough) and this time magical night under the starry sky was 100% platonic, not counting Gale throwing some googly eyes at my Wizard here and there. So I guess him being silent till now about his crush was a bug or it's how fixed version of the romance unfolds now. No idea. Anyway, this time Astarion had a reaction. I dare say that he was surprised but pleased that I chose him. Honey, I was the bestest Drow in Faerun, ignoring my Lolth-Sworn background, disrespecting Lolth at every turn and rolling my eyes at your silly disapprovals for helping people. If I stuck with you after / despite that, then there is nothing really that can change my mind at this point. You are stuck with this naive, big-hearted fool that you like so much now.

[neomel]

Ehhmmm HI EVERYONE !!!! so this is very inspired by @kafus's Pokémon liveblogging n their various playthroughs and its been so fun to follow, and it gave me the inspiration to pick up a new playthrough - or TWO PLAYTHROUGHS !!!

i realized its been forever since ive actually played FireRed LeafGreen and that ive never done it w. the help of save editing to add eg. Rare Candies for grinding. but i also realized that ive never actually played the Gen 1 Pokémon games....so i decided to do both !!!!

im doing a kinda-sorta Nuzlocke too, just to try out different Pokémon and get myself to rotate between them, but I am also moreso trying to use funny stuff more than minmaxxing for strategy. Here's my Pokémon Red team for instance!!

Yes that's Marcel the traded Mr. Mimel!! I got an Abra as my first encounter and realized that using Alakazam would just be steamrolling people with a big Special number, so I boxed it for later to use Gen 1 Mr. Mime for a while. I've rotated some of these members in and out with others in the box, mostly because the movepools are so fascinatingly terrible ^^; Like - I wanted to use Nidoking because his Gen 1 sprites are absolutely incredible, and you can get him before even the second gym from Mt. Moon's Moon Stones, but........he doesn't get Double Kick unless you get Nidorino to like Level 47?? and Nidoking misses out on Thrash unless you level him up early.

Clefable has been the absolute QUEEN of the run though, like !!! i love her silly sprite in this game so so so much, and the well-rounded stats paired with Sing make them a really good Pokémon to use in pretty much any situation. its funny how the lack of many good moves means that mediocre moves like Growl or Water Gun end up feeling useful just for being options at all...I've had some fun with the mediocre TMs given out too, like giving Bide to my Ivysaur to utilize the Leech Seed draining effect as best as possible in a sort of quirky strategy. Though on the flipside I had to give up on using Mankey entirely after realizing it just gets NOTHING in terms of moves - before Yellow it literally doesn't learn any Fighting type moves by leveling up other than Seismic Toss (which doesnt count), and the only one it gets by TM is Submission which is.....nooot good :T

Anyhow - Here's a terrible img of my FRLG team! I'm out of Rock Tunnel and in Celadon in this playthrough wheras the RBY playthrough is still not through the tunnel yet :( BUT that means that I've gotten a lot more silly goobers in this run. Even though my Mankey died here before I could use it for anything funny.....i really like Primape's design so im kinda sad I've never gotten to use it lol

ANYWAY ANYWAY look at my fucking boy. look at my Fungler. look at my little man. he has 20 diseases and he sucks ass. i love him.

i played a Gen 3 fangame a while ago that gave you access to Fury Cutter as a TM and a Paras really early on, and the gears got grinding in my head to force sleep with Spore and then chain a Fury Cutter combo, and the affection for that silly strat has stuck with me and made me kind of adore Parasect by extension. look at my fucking guy he sucks so much!!! but he puts people to sleep really well and has cool bug claws. i love his terrible movepool and having to give him Secret Power to do any damage. lol .

it is funny to play these older games where the movepools sucked ass, even as deep in as Gen 3 . so you have to really stretch for ideas on how to use mons but it feels really fun when you make something sorta click? like this Doduo Rage -> Rest -> Chesto set, it doesn't get Swords Dance nor the infinitely funnier Acupressure but this is kinda just a shittier funnier version of that? also Tri Attack being physical feels like it was made just for Dodrio. i love my bird.

im still kinda miffed at how many things just sorta suck in Kanto though. like so many routes early on are just Rattata/Pidgey/Spearow/Ekans while the Safari Zone alone has like 7 Pokémon you can only find there, the distribution feels so strange. and of course the whole Game Corner garbage, i want to use Hyper Beam in Gen 1 because of how cool its Gen 1 exclusive quirks are but its a Game Corner exclusive reward >:((( im gonna have to see if i can save edit gambling coins into the game or what.

BUT im having a lot of fun !! its so silly seeing all the Gen 1 sprites ingame for the first time. the Gen 1iness of it all. not even being able to fuckin check how strong moves are or how much accuracy they have. or even sort the order of moves outside of battles. your battle items menu just opens up your entire bag. such a silly fuckin mess of a game. i love it .

(also feel free to ask about any of the nicknames i have answers for like half of them)

[hooid]

Hi please explain the hollow knight story so far to me (infodumping encouraged :))

So,

There was this place that was full of bugs that had no mind. There were a lot of tribes but (probably) the most important one to the backstory was the Moth tribe.

These moths worshipped a god known as The Radiance, a deity from the world of dreams who acted as a sort of light that guided them.

At some point the Pale King, a pale being (which are like the most powerful type of being in hollow knight lore), decided to establish his kingdom in this place, naming it Hallownest.

The Pale King gave mind and purpose to all the bugs in the kingdom and, in return, they adored him as their king and god. Even the moth tribe got involved, deciding to forgo and forget about The Radiance forever.

As you would expect, The Radiance got really pissed off and decided to infect the kingdom, robbing its bugs of a mind once again.

To combat this, the Pale King devised a plan: he would create something to contain the infection, a pure vessel that would be locked away forever.

And thus, after millions of failed attempts (the main character is one of those) The Hollow Knight was born.

It was able to contain the infection for a while, but alas, The Radiance managed to get the kingdom infected again. The Pale King gave up and escaped, leaving the kingdom to rot.

But then at some point the lil cutesy protagonist, The Knight, comes around and it's your task to save the kingdom once again and become the new Hollow Knight (or kill the radiance).

This is like a very very VERY watered down version of the lore, and I've skipped almost all the nuance, but I was feeling lazy and there's some very good resources to learn about it.

If you care enough to check, this is the community lore archive, and if you speak Spanish some of my work is there as well!

God I love this fucking game so much.

[bcbdrums]

Are there any Kim Possible episodes you wouldn't really consider "canon?" Some of the dumber ones like Grande Size Me or Roachie or Blush for example that don't really add to the show.

oh, snap... truthfully i was a little taken aback by anything except Grande Size Me being called dumb, but then i recalled that on my rewatch ahead of the live action i was incredibly impatient with Larry's Birthday. i have since changed my tune, but i was on a binge at the time and eager to get to Graduation, lol.

but, no.... i even consider Grande Size Me to be canon. recall if you will... in fact i think i recently mentioned this... that Kim Possible as a show is chock full of genetic mutation. it's an even more recurring theme than Drakken trying to use robots or mind control to take over the world. so while that episode was made at the direct order of the Disney execs to make a healthy eating episode, and the creators made the episode as horrible as possible on purpose so the execs would stop trying to dictate the show to them.... i still call it canon.

if DNAmy can put Rufus and Barkin in a machine, create a mutant from both of them with the flip of a switch, and then an equally simple flip of a switch brings them back to normal.... yeah. yeah, i can buy the events of Grande Size Me. it's no leap at all, really.

and... okay, Blush??? that one's got me confused. Blush is a highly important episode. first of all, the entirety of the evil plot in the episode is...Drakgo trying to kill Kim "once and for all" in Drakken's words. Disney won't use the word "kill" but Wade explaining that she'll disappear forever is pretty self explanatory. so, the point is...Drakgo are willing to go that far. as if it wasn't already clear.

secondly, the ep shows how great and devoted a friend Ron is, that he risks his life to save not just her life, but also her date. canon tells us that Kim and Ron have secretly crushed on each other all along, but here Ron is helping her date with another dude go well. so to those people who claim Ron is useless or whatever... yeahhh far from it. he's always there for Kim and this is one of those eps where it's just in your face.

important side notes about the ep... we get that delicious defeat montage, which ends with Drakgo shopping together. ahhhh domesticity for my ship! not to mention all those lairs Drakken has... including a space lair. they've all already been to space, very important to note... additionally, we see that Josh isn't necessarily the greatest guy... kissing Kim at the end there after Kim had expressed some physical boundaries. sure the boundaries were because she was busy vanishing, but he still didn't respect them. and, AND...! this is the precursor to the plot of So the Drama, where Drakken first starts researching what makes Kim, a teen girl, tick. i could go on but...yeah this episode is great.

and Roachie is one of the many delightful shorts, expanding the KP universe beyond the weekly villains. i can't think of another show to reference right now, but some of the bigger TV buffs out there can certainly name some... like...i guess like Batman fights the Joker each week, defeats him, he's hauled off to Arkham, then back again for the next episode! like...very typical cartoon stuff. or Bugs and Elmer Fudd always trying to outwit each other. Kim always fighting the same villain(s) kind of limits the show and makes it feel like an even...lesser version of 'monster of the week.' sooooo....yeah, for starters, this episode brings something fresh. it always gives Kim a very human very real flaw, for the girl who can do anything. and it gives Ron yet another unique gift and moment to shine. and personally i loved the one-off villain. a person might get impatient with the episode and want to move on to their fave villains, i totally understand that. but...not consider it canon???

i.... i hope you can send me another ask of deeper explanation, Anon? because why wouldn't any of these be canon??? not someone's fave ep, okay that's fine, people's taste is subjective and that's everyone's freedom. but not canon? they all fit in perfectly with the KP universe and i'm quite perplexed by them being called dumb and not adding to the show.

[a-silver-dragoness]

Greetings!

I call myself Iilah (meaning moon in dovahzul) and this is where I post all my art!

All OC's and art are free to use. Put them in stories, change them, throw them into a meat grinder, I honestly don't care. Go nuts and have fun!

Things I am:

Dragonkind

Godkind (Imagithrope) (goddess of souls and magic)

Light Furyhearted

Fictosexual/Fictoromantic

Proshipper/Ship and Let Ship

Things I have:

Anxiety/Depression

MaDD

Sometimes I talk very passionately about stuff that boils my blood (Light Fury hate and Christianity come to mind), so if that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to block me!

Otherwise, I don't care too much who follows me or how you interact with my posts, just don't be a douche, and we won't have any problems! 😊

Me ^^^

Favorite things/Random stuff ⬇️⬇️⬇️

My Favorite Animals:

Dragons (European/Wyvern)

Hummingbirds

Ball Pythons

Whales

My Favorite Pokemon:

Fire: Charizard

Water: Vaporeon

Grass: Torterra

Normal: Eevee

Electric: Kilowattrel

Fighting: Humipummel

Ice: Glaceon

Poison: Bulbasaur

Ground: Onix

Flying: Corviknight

Psychic: Lugia

Bug: Combee

Rock: Relicanth

Ghost: Spiritomb

Dark: Bombirdier

Fairy: Sylveon

Steel: Dialga

Dragon: Latios/Latias

My Favorite Bands/Music/Artists:

Heilung (particularly their Lifa album)

Aviators (particularly their Soulsborne songs)

A playlist of random songs I like (I put this playlist on shuffle 99% of the time):

My Favorite Book Series:

Wings of Fire

Specifically the third arc, I just love the concept of HiveWings, SilkWings, and LeafWings. But the last two books sorta spiraled into absurdity for me, I would have preferred a simple rebellion story, not a "the world is in danger and we have to save it!" type story. But overall, the third arc is still my favorite.

How I discovered I was a dragon:

Saphira (movie version) helped me figure out what I look like! While I'm not part of the Eragon universe, I share many physical traits with Saphira. Sometimes when I hyperfixate on dragon stuff, it makes me question whether it's a kintype or not, so I usually have to wait for the hyperfixation to fade before I can really tell. Usually, it means this kintype-like feeling fades with the hyperfixation. Not so with my silver Saphira-like form! This feeling of "this is me, this is who I am" stuck around after my interest in the movie faded.

How I discovered I was a goddess:

My MaDD (maladaptive daydreaming disorder) is a huge part of this. For many years now, my daydream world hasn't changed much. While the narrative changes frequently (on a daily basis), some characters and locations have become permanent, they're always part of my daydreams, they're always a part of me.

My husband King Solaris of the Angels (whom I miss very much), my doctor Corvus, the silver knights, the stone wyverns, the Lunar Sea, the forests, the mountains... these are all permanent.

In this world, also exists my idealized self. The goddess of Latria. The silver dragon. The goddess of souls and magic.

This idealized version of myself is permanent, and hasn't changed for many years. Which leads me to believe I am her in some way. I know, it sounds bizarre, or wrong, but that's how I feel. I am her. I... can't change that.

(Back when I was a kid, I could change my daydream self whenever I wanted, but that doesn't seem possible anymore)

My Forever Husbando:

King Solaris of the Angels, god of physical strength

All Husbandos:

*degree of interest changes every so often, usually on a monthly or weekly basis

War (Darksiders)

Toothless (HTTYD THW)

Sir Artorias the Abysswalker (Dark Souls)

Ludwig the Accursed/the Holy Blade (Bloodborne)

Big Daddy (Bioshock)

Pyramid Head (Silent Hill)

Nemesis (Resident Evil: Apocalypse)

Mr. X (Resident Evil)

Ghost People (Fallout New Vegas Dead Money)

SCP 049 (Creepypasta)

Master Chief (Halo)

Optimus Prime (Transformers Bayverse, G1, Prime)

Ratchet (Transformers G1)

Prince Dion Lesage/Bahamut (FF16)

King Rauru of Hyrule (LOZ TOTK)

Joshua Graham (Fallout New Vegas Honest Hearts)

Little Ghost/The Knight (Hollow Knight)

Godfrey the First Elden Lord (Elden Ring)

The Whalers (Dishonored)

Daud (Dishonored)

Inarius (Diablo)

Imperius (Diablo)

Tyrael (Diablo)

Usiel (Darksiders 3)

Archon Lucien (Darksiders 2)

Abaddon (Darksiders)

[leatherbookmark]

fuck or die/sex pollen, Very Specific This Is Almost Definitely The Writer's Job/Hobby AU, Magical Creachure AU

wow, anon! those are Just the tropes i wanted to talk about! it's almost as if you were me, sending this ask to myself for this exact purpose! amazing. anyway

fuck or die/sex pollen: are technically different things but i will put them together and give them an A because they're the one trope that i actually Have In The Past combed ao3 for. lol. i don't know! i don't know. usually characters losing the control over their autonomy, bodies and so on kinda bug me, and while in a certain state i can accept a/b/o, when i try to think about the Social Circumstances of everyone being aware you're in horny town/about to enter horny town/submissive and breedable/etc for more than five seconds i go insane, but. there's SOMETHING about fuck or die and sex pollen that just *clenches fist* gets me.

i haven't read many fics where the characters forced to fuck are total not even a little sexually attracted to each other*; mostly it's been ships i was interested in, and while obviously for the characters involved it's probably hell, there's often this moment of... idk, assurance that neither part is using the other? the mind-blowing sex we're about to have is 100% medicinal/situational, i am doing this 100% respectfully...!

*hold up. i have. IT WAS NIECEST. i think some guys have captured them and forced them to fuck or else, and it was hoooorrible for them both because they were NOT miserably in forbidden love with each other in this scenario. 🥰🥰🥰

except. EXCEPT. there's also the Angst Potential (which i hope to squeeze as much as in can when i get to it 😬). the "i want him to rail me into next tuesday, but of course he would never...! and yet here he is, forced to rail me into next tuesday to save my life! how horrible! i am staining his pristine body with my filthy, cursed, and horny body...! ah! what horror. what utter bliss". as well as the top version of it, aka the "ah! he would never! but here i am, having to--" etc. but ALSO the, uh, spoiler alert, "i would love to be somewhere else. instead i am railing this person, who is very dear to me in a way i can't yet explain due to reasons etc, into next tuesday. they seem into it. no, it's the curse. but they seem really into it. no, i'm victim-blaming. they would never. not that it's bad. but--"

like. Wa Hoo! nice 👍

Very Specific This Is Almost Definitely The Writer's Job/Hobby AU: fucks like a rabid rhino even in cases where i have no idea what any of those terms mean. i want to get IMMERSED! give me those DETAILS you funky little author! YEAS. A

Magical Creachure AU: AH YOU SEE. depends on everything including the creachure.

like, say, one of them is a mermaid (gender neutral). i just got reminded of a rinharu mermaid fic that i was crazy about back in the times. anyway! there's... the list of things that happen in a mermaid au is pretty predictable, i think? dude finds a mermaid, they either meet on the beach or the mermaid is injured and needs help --> into the bathtub you go; the mermaid learns about human stuff and the human learns about mermaid stuff, insert conflict either down there or up there, sex? and then A SOLUTION, which often is "the mermaid stays on land due to Love". it can be done well! and it can be done not well. it really depends!

paradoxically, i don't really like it when the creature character is too much like an animal and too little like a human. does this make sense? for example, when they eat their human's pet, don't know much about Emotions, talk about Nesting and Mating rather than, idk, finding someone to fuck... that's. that's kind of like an animal that can talk, i feel? not exactly my cup of tea, so to speak. i'd much prefer if there was some other Culture under the sea, with existing traditions and such, but a culture nonetheless. something like "i caught you this big huge fish in broad daylight because i want you to be my mate forever!" vs "oh yeah, well, when we like someone we bring them stuff, mostly good food but cool stuff from the surface is a hit too. you do that too...? ah, figures. shit listen can i bring you a hugeass fish because i don't really have cash money"

When There Are Vampires/Werewolves: i have this sad disease called "i don't really care about vampires/werewolves and i don't think blood sucking is sexy" :(

When One Of Them Can Turn Into Some Animal: yknow what. yeah. yeah that's good stuff (i bet you're all surprised). this is good. there's Human Them, and then there's Animal Them, and they both need different things, and their beloved wants to give it to them. what's cooler than a little guy chilling in the coils of a huge fuckass dragon, who is his loving boyfriend? probably that dragon boyfriend killing some annoying people for him! what's cooler than a guy cuddling a bighuge wolf who's (you guessed it!) their boyfriend who has a bad brain day and just needs to be dog for a bit. what's cooler than lan xichen holding a little bird a-yao in his hands, gently, so gently that not a feather on a-yao's person is ruffled, ready to hide him from the world, ready to kill for this tiny ball of feathers, each smaller than his little fin--hi? no i did not drop any names, you're just imagining things. anyway. S

[anon-drabble]

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

oh goodness, this is actually one of my favorite things to talk about. this got long so i’m throwing it under a read more just because i don’t want to clog up anyone’s dash.

so i started when i was in elementary, going into middle school (when i was about 12). the first story i wrote was about an evil scientist who experimented on my cat at the time, and cloned her and created giant evil clones of her. and she went on a rampage and killed all of the bugs i hated at the time. 😂 i actually started solely because i hated the bugs that summer and i wanted them to all die. 🤣 as kids do, ya know! and i just kept writing until high school where i just fell into even more. got published a couple times and started really thinking about it as a potential career.

the only time i really got saddened was when a friend and i joined a creative writing club/workshop thing at the library. it was filled with a bunch of older woman, all in their 40s or older, my friend and i were the only young ones. we had all brought in a piece to read to the group and everyone read theirs and they all gave opinions but no helpful critique, really. it really seemed like just a bunch of women validating each other for their self-insert romance novels, lol. this was well before the days of ao3 or posting anything online. when my friend read, they were coldly polite but still complimented the story. my turn. i read my story, one i was very very proud of, about a boy whose village was cursed and he had to save his sister's life. he went to fight a giant beast, think something like cerberus or a griffin or something. but this dude wasn't a fighter. he didn't know what he was doing. he got lucky and used the monster's strength against it and felled the beast. but he'd been hit and the internal bleeding was killing him so he died, too, but he was happy because he'd saved his sister. and in the end, he was able to join the valhalla-like afterlife with his ancestors and was given the treatment of a hero, even if his life was never celebrated.

well. the old ladies hated my story. they ripped it apart, it was nothing but criticism and no praise. "well, i think he should have lived" great, thanks, karen, not what i was going for. "why wouldn't you just make him like regular heroes? he should be strong" yeah, i know that, but i wanted an almost david-and-goliath deal here. i was so upset. my friend just sat there and didn't say anything. after the meeting was over, we were leaving and i was still very upset and kind of holding my story and looking at the trash can, internally debating whether i even wanted to enjoy writing anymore. my friend said, "well. it wasn't very good"

i tore up my story and threw it away. this was before computers were common so there was no copy so i lost that story forever.

in the end, i didn't stay away, i kept writing through high school and partway into college.

college was when i stopped again. it was when they were really trying to hammer on the don'ts of writing. never start a sentence with "and" or "but". avoid using words (any word) more than 10 times in your piece, even if it's a 100-page novel. don't use contractions. it really caused me to lose my "voice", my style in writing and so i stopped writing. i only started again for this blog which was like more than 10 years later.

as for where i'm going... i just don't know. i know i don't want to make writing my career but publishing something again would be super cool but i'm not actively pursuing it. i still don't have my "voice" back from high school and i really, truly loved my style back then, i actually thought i was a good writer. so every time i write, i still love it but i'm also mourning the past version of me. it's a bittersweet relationship 😂

[skriveting]

A bunch of different writing prompts MASTERLIST #1

updated 12.3.22

“Hate to break it to you, but …”

“Ok, this whole thing you’re doing? I’m gonna need you to stop.”

“I can’t help but feel jealous when you turn and smile at anyone else”

“So now what? You’re just gonna chase after them with a flashlight and righteousness?”

“To save you the time and me the breath …”

“Blackmail is more powerful than money. Once you have them with blackmail, you have them forever.” “I just asked you if I could borrow five dollars, I-”

“I can teach you something else if you want”

“Does anyone care what I think?” “I know I don’t!”

“Toss me!” “Toss you?!” “Do it!!”

“Hold my beer.” “This is a Capri-sun.”

“Wow that was so wild. Crazy”

“I hope common sense is the next cool trend”

“You think you can take me?”

“Bring it on.” “Enough with the movie references, can we just fight already?”

“Relax, there is no problem/we have no problems!” *B walks in* “Ok, one problem!”

“How did you even learn how to do this??” “It’s probably best that you don’t know.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.” “I guess that would be difficult.”

“You really think you can stop me? Adorable.”

“This is ridiculous, why did you make me carry you on my back?” “Stop complaining, I need a good vantage point!” “You can literally FLY!”

“Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes, *B*!” “Listen, I love a good Taylor Swift reference as much as the next guy, but now is probably not the time-”

“Don’t you have to be stupid somewhere else?” “Not until four.”

“Alright, fine. If I can’t get around you, I guess I’ll have to go through you!”

“So, you know how in _______, ___________ _______? That literally makes no sense.” “IT’S 1AM. Go to sleep!”

“For most people it goes, observe, think, speak. For *B* it goes a little differently.”

“This would be a lot easier if you weren’t so hot.”

“I don’t want your help, I want you safe!”

“Who buys 25 packs of balloons?!” “Leave me alone, it’s been a rough day!”

“Can you turn up the heat in here? It’s freezing in here!” “Sure baby, come on over here-” “nOt what I meant!!”

“Keep talking and maybe one day you’ll blurt out something intelligent.”

“I wish I was who you think I am”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.” “How?” “That’s not your department.”

“An asteroid could hit Earth right now and I’d still be more upset about this”

“Could you please make an effort with them?” “I don’t care about them, I only care about is you.”

“Why not?” “Because I don’t want to die!” “You can be so boring sometimes why do I even hang out with you?”

“You know that’s never gonna happen, right?” “Just let me have this”

“You’re the Ethan to my Hila.” “You have to stop using modern references I have no idea what any of them mean”

“Rules are meant to be broken.” Actually, that’s not-“ "Come on!!”

“If I get shot, will you have my back?” “…. Well…” “Say yes!!”

“He’s the embodiment of everything wrong with the world. I’m kind of into it”

“Wow that was awful. Truly.” “Thank you.”

“I’d die for you.” “Please live for me instead.”

“I don’t know, it could be worse!” “But it could definitely be a whole lot better too.” “You have a point there.”

“I think I just met the human version of a dubstep remix.”

“You’re a mess. But you’re my mess.”

“If you don’t stop now I’m calling your mom!”

“Every time I see your face I go crazy.” “Crazy in a bad way or crazy in a good way?” “Undecided.”

“Love is like a plant. It has to be watered and nurtured and eventually it’ll grow and become stronger and stronger.” “Can our love be the plant that eats bugs and stuff? That one’s really cool.” “… sure.”

“If they don’t kill you, I will.”

“We’re going on a trip, in our favorite rocket ship-” “Please don’t sing the song-” “ZOOMING THROUGH THE SKY!!!”

“I can’t believe you’re scared of spiders, you’re massive.” “THEY’RE SMALL AND UNPREDICTABLE AND RUN REALLY FAST, OK?”

“My therapist won’t be happy when she hears about this.”

“You look awful. You look like someone drove you over, backed up, squashed you under their tyre and did donuts in an abandoned parking lot with your face in the ground. You look like someone crumpled you up and forced you down the garbage disposal. You look like someone played a game of Operation on you and didn’t clean you up afterwards. *pause* You look terrible.” “Yeah, I got that, thanks.”

“It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.” “You’re literally bleeding out!” “It’s fine-” “nO it’S NOT!!”

“I just wish you’d asked me first.”

“Poopity scoop.” “… can you please just-” “Poopity scoop. Poopity scoop”

“Can I please tell you-” “No, please don’t.” “… I love you.”

“So fight me, then!”

“Everything is going as planned!” “That’s because you have no plan.” “Exactly!”

“I love you.” “You shouldn’t.” “I know/I don’t care”

“I wish this thing came with an instruction manual.”

“You’re the only drug I need, baby” “That’s sweet but you still have to take your prescription”

“That’s not very professional”

“Argh, I broke a nail!” “Is that really your main concern right now??”

“That can’t be good.”

“Yet another day of oppression and agony. When will it end?” “We’ve been married for a week stop being so dramatic.”

“If anyone else asks me if I’m ok I’m going to go ballistic.”

“This doesn’t align with my morals.” “What morals?” “… fair point.”

“Shut up.” “..I didn’t say anything?” “Shhhh.”

“I just want to throw up and die”

“You make me wish I’d never been born.” “Funny, I was just wishing you’d never been born too!”

“What are you gonna do, sing about it?” “I might!!”

“I can’t keep going. Not like this.”

“What’s that?” “What’s what??” “That thing!!”

“Hey, so, uhm-” “What is it this time?”

“You make me wish I was better, I want to be better. But I don’t know how.”

“You’re the worst person I’ve ever met.” “Aw, thank you. That means a lot.”

“Did you know that during Prohibition, moonshiners would wear shoes with wooden blocks carved to look like cow hooves under them to leave hoofprints instead of footprints, helping them evade police?” “No, I didn’t, but more importantly, how did you know that?”

“Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide …” “…*begrudgingly* No escape from reality.”

“Calm down, I don’t see what the big deal is.” “You stabbed me!!”

“What’s you excuse this time?” “I’m a little bit stupid :)”

“If you were a car, you’d be a BMW.” “Why?” “Cuz I want you to Be My Wife !” “…are you trying to propose to me?” “… Please say yes.”

“Oh no. That can’t be right.”

“You’re not allowed to do that!” “Says who?!” “Your mom.” “I can’t believe you called my mom.”

“You’re gonna have to stop narrating everything you’re doing, you’re gonna give us away.” “Sorry.”

“I’ve never wanted anything so much in my entire life.”

“He’s my worst enemy. My nemesis.” “Didn’t you meet him like five minutes ago?” “Yes.”

“This is it. This is my sign!” “… That’s a cereal box.”

“I’ve done my fair share of stupid things in my day, but this is just ridiculous.”

“I hate you. But I hate them more. So I guess my hatred for you can wait.”

“What? I told you it was going to be dinner with my parents.” “Yes but you didn’t tell me your parents were like that!”

“Whether you like it or not, I’m your only hope. So what’s it gonna be?”

“Can you stop it?” “What? I’m just looking at you.” “I know, it’s creepy, stop!”

“I don’t remember that, that doesn’t sound like me.”

“You think you can stop me? That’s so cute.”

“Can you just-” “CaN yOu JuSt-” “Stop!” “StOp!” “One of these days I am going to kill you.”

“I’ve never been this happy before.” “Not even when you had to wait at that burger place so they ended up giving you extra large fries for free that one time?” “Not even then.”

“Uhm, I fell.” “Upwards?”

“I feel like you’re not hearing me; I don’t want more flowers. I just want you here, at home, with me.”

“This is not how I thought tonight would go.” “I know, isn’t it great?!”

“Is it supposed to be able to bend that way?” “No, definitely not, this is bad.”

“How are you able to do that?” “I honestly have no idea.”

“You need me for something, don’t you?” “Oh please, like you don’t need me for something too.”

“Silvia…” “Yes, Mickey?” “How you call your loverboy?” “Come here, loverboy!” “And if he doesn’t answer?” “Oh, loverboy!” “And if he STILL doesn’t answer?” “Yo loverboy, you better listen up when I’m talking to you!-” “No babe, we practiced this”

“I’m not angry, just disappointed.” “For the last time, I didn’t know we only had one doughnut left or I would have asked you!”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” “Do you want to …sing about it?”

“You truly are one of a kind.” “Thank you.” “I didn’t mean that in a good way.”

“I know you think I’m the villain, but I’m not.”

“I just want you to be happy. Whether that’s with or without me.”

“Let’s never speak of this.” “Agreed.”

“You can’t pay to get this kind of entertainment, baby!” “You catching fifteen grapes in a row is not entertainment.” “Says who?!”

“Where are we?!” “What makes you think I’m any less lost than you are?”

“Let’s go back to our place.” “Our place?” “Yeah. If you want it to be.”

“I thought I could trust you.”

“Hey, uhm, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…” “Oh, no, don’t tell me you’re gonna go all sappy and confess your love and everything to me now, are you?” “Well now I’m certainly not gonna to do it!!”

“I don’t need your protection, I just need you!”

“This is making me really upset.” “I’m sorry but we don’t really have time for you to be upset about this right now.”

“Ugh, that kid is being so annoying.” “Isn’t that your daughter?” “Yeah, so?”

“I want to speak to the manager, please.” “Dude, this is a frat party, I don’t think they have-” “The manager!!!”

“What are you doing?” “What are you doing?” “Don’t change the subject!”

“Babe, we agreed to only use that code word for emergencies.” “I know, but-” “And a video of a turtle and a duck being best friends is not an emergency, is it?”

“I’m very easily upset and very outwardly aggressive, which is a terrible combination.”

“Wow, I’ve been really annoying today, haven’t I?” “Not any more than usual, sweetie.”

“Hey-” “No!” “Why are you groaning like that?” “No offense, but you’re the last person I wanted to see today.” “What, why?” “Cause I actually wanted to have a good day.”

“If I die on this night, then so be it! You have been a good friend, a trusted-” “You’re just going to a gas station, it’s not-” “Silence!!”

“I want you to stay. I’m asking you to stay.”

“Can you stop yawning, please?” “Sorry, but this is just so boring.” “It’s your daughter’s dance recital!”

“I don’t want to shoot you, but I will if I have to. Step aside.”

��You’re the most poorly written character I’ve ever met.” “What?” “What?”

“I don’t want to die, please don’t let me die!” “I’ll do whatever it takes to get you out of here alive, I promise.”

“I’m in love with you.” “Wow. I don’t know whether to thank you or give you my condolences, honestly.”

“What happened here?!” “I tried to catch a spider.” “With what, a flamethrower?!”

“This is amazing! How did you know I wanted this?” “What do you mean? I listened to you.” “You what now?”

“Over my dead body!” “Hm, shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Explain yourself!” “…I honestly don’t think I could even if I wanted to.”

“What are you doing here?!” “What do you mean? This is my house.” “You were dead two days ago!” “Oh, right, that. Well-”

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.” “Would it help if I presented the information by way of dance?” “No but it would be funny”

“Hey, is this a bad time?” “Yeah, actually-” “Ok, great, so-”

“Unless they can hoedown, I’m not interested.”

“I can’t, I’m allergic.” “To water?” “… Yes.”

“Not to be rude but you’re the stupidest person I’ve ever met.” “Look who’s talking!!”

“I hate your guts.” “That makes two of us.”

“Do I know you?” “You will momentarily.”

“I didn’t come this far only to come this far.” (source)

“You can’t just say ‘yo mama!’ as a response to everything!” “Yo mama!” “no!!”

“Aren’t you supposed to help me?” “What do you mean? I am helping!” “You making paper airplanes out of the wrapping paper is not helping.”

“What are you thinking about?” “Wouldn’t you like to know?” “Yes, that’s why I asked dumbass”

“I don’t know how you’re gonna top this. Hopefully you won’t”

“This is gross, and illegal.” “So?” “Just thought I’d mention it.”

“Please don’t be mad”

“Why did you do that?!” “I don’t know!!”

“A good friend wouldn’t let me do this.” “It’s lucky I’m not a good friend, then.” “You’re right about that.”

“You know, you make being your guardian angel very difficult.”

“Every time I look at you I can only think of one thing.” “Oh yeah, what’s that?” “The Boney M 1994 smash hit that inspired an entire generation-” “Oh no” “Ra-Ra-Rasputin!!!!-” “PLEASE STOP”

“Don’t you think I’d love you back if I could?!”

“I’d rather eat a whole bag of pecans than spend another minute with you.” “…” “And I’m allergic to pecans.” “Yeah I got that.”

“Grief is the price we pay for love. Ask yourself if it’s worth it.”

“Get me out of here, now!” “What’s in it for me?” “Your head.” “… Alright.”

“I can’t do this anymore.” “You don’t have a choice.”

“I just want to make sure you’re ok.” “That’s very sweet of you but please stop flashing that flashlight into my eye every two seconds.”

“You want to what now?” “Open a bakery.” “That’s weird, I never saw you as the bakery type.” “Why not?” “Well for starters you’ve killed fifty people over the last two days.”

“I’m going to make you go first.” “Of course you are.”

“This makes no sense.” “Shut up.”

“I’d rather be stuck in a time-loop playing Monopoly forever than do that again.”

“Don’t take it personal, they always argue with people they like.” “I do not!”

“It’s of elvish make!” “Look, I don’t care if Elvis made it-” “… I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.”

“Look upon me and fear!” “You’re 5'2” I could stomp you to death with one foot.“

"I’ve never used this before.” “It’ll be fine, just don’t- Don’t do that.”

“Can you cook me some-” “No.” “You didn’t even hear what I wanted you to make!” “Doesn’t matter. I’m never going into that kitchen ever again.” “What happened in there the last time?” “Horrors. Horrors you can’t imagine.”

“Careful!” “I’m always careful.” “That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.”

“It’s just personal preference.” “Whether or not to kill someone is not personal preference!”

“I wish you’d stop doing that.” “And I wish you’d stop being so annoying. Guess neither of us are getting what we want anytime soon, huh?”

“I hate you.” “I hate you too.” “… So, want to be friends?” “Sure.”

“I can’t believe you actually spent your money on this.” “I know, right?! You can’t put a price on this thing, baby!” “That’s.. that’s not what I meant.”

“Look, it’s obvious we won’t come to an agreement on this.” “Right.” “That leaves us only one choice, doesn’t it?” “Yes.” “Fight to the death-” “-Dance off.” “…”

“What would make you think I actually cared about you?” “Oh, please. You and I know both know the truth. You’re just too much of a coward to admit it.”

“Hey, are you listening to me?” “Sorry it’s just really hard to focus when you look like that”

“This is… interesting.” “No, this is wrong! This is vile, it’s disgusting!” “… Interesting.”

“For the hundredth time, constructive criticism about your cooking is not a personal attack-” “Then why did you say it in that tone?!”

“Don’t make me choose. Please don’t make me choose.”

“Well, they’re certainly sprightly, aren’t they?” “I don’t know what that means but yeah it sounds right.”

“Why do you always think the worst of people?” “Just saving time.”

“I just want you to push me up against the wall and shake me real good!” “Can this please wait we’re at Costco”

“Do you think they’d christen the baby with a squirt gun if we asked?” “… Why would we ask them about that?” “Do you think they would or no?”

“You wanna know what I think?” “No, but you’re probably going to tell me anyway.”

“I love you.” “Yikes, let’s not get into that right now.”

“Don’t talk to me!” “Please it was just a game of Monopoly-” “Silence!!”

“To save you the time and me the breath,”

“I know who you are.” “Oh, so you’ve heard of me?” “Your face is everywhere it’s kind of hard to ignore.” “Right.”

“Ye shall not pass!” “Please I just really need to pee!”

“I can’t believe they’re gone…” “Good riddance if you ask me!” “NOT at thE FUNERAL!”

“Don’t worry, I put the ‘fun’ in 'funeral’!” “I don’t want to find out what that’s supposed to mean.” “Oh, don’t worry, you will!”

“Look what you did!!” “You’re saying that like it wasn’t the point?”

“Every moment with you is a living nightmare.” “I’m glad.”

“Everyone has a weakness. Yours seems to be that you think you don’t have one.”

“There is a darkness deep within me… No matter my efforts it never ceases to claw at my heart, filling me with dread and despair day and night as I sleep and wake in a never ending cycle of doom and disaster, knowing I shall never be set free from the traps of time and torture within me..” “… Are you ok dude?”

“May I presume that you are, indeed, an idiot?” “Yes, you may.”

“I have to talk to you.” “Ok.” “And you need to actually listen.” “Oh..”

“Why on earth do you think I’m into you??” “You always use that sweet nickname for me, remember?” “'Stupid moron’ is not a sweet nickname!!”

“Don’t worry, nobody’s gonna see me.” “Someone is definitely going to see you.” “Why?” “Look at yourself!”

“Why are you so heinously incompetent?” “Can you please calm down, it’s only Monday morning.”

“Why are you smiling? I’m not dead yet, you know.”

“Hey babe, can you let me in? I forgot my keys.” “What’s the password?” “Can we not do this again we’ve lived together for five years-” “The PASSWORD!!!”

“Life is like a game of Monopoly, sweetheart. Equally chaotic and confusing with or without a plan.”

“I’m sorry I can’t go, I avoid any social situations at all costs.” “It’s our wedding-”

“Why are you so annoying?” “Why are you so mad about it?”

“Here are my final thoughts: You are stupid and this plan was dumb.” “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.”

“I’m sorry, I tried, I really did… I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

“Please go away.” “We’re handcuffed together, how am I supposed to-”

“I love you with every fiber of my being.” “You’re a ghost so that really isn’t saying much sweetie.”

“Wait, you like me?” “Yeah, isn’t it obvious?” “You sure have a funny way of showing it!”

“I hate you!” “Well now we at least have one thing in common.”

“Listen, if ABBA could come together after both of their divorces and make more music together afterward, you can do this!” “Well after that passionate speech I guess I have no choice.”

“Sure, he’s handsome, but can he cook pecan pie without a recipe?” “Why would that matter?” “Answer the question!”

“You can disagree all you want but that doesn’t make me any less right.”

“You can’t make fun of me.” “Says who?” “Your ugly face, that’s who!”

“This has ‘This Will End Badly’ written all over it. Ready to go?”

“What happened in here?” “See, you ask me that but I don’t really know where to start-”

“Stop always asking me questions you know I don’t know the answer to.”

“I just wish things would make sense for a change.” “I wouldn’t count on it.”

“That’s *name*, otherwise known around these parts as the big dipshit.” “Oh, nice.”

“I’m not qualified to do this, but it’s never stopped me before, so I guess here goes nothing!”

“Oh, trust me, I can dance!” “Is that you or the tequila talking?”

“I don’t know what I thought was going to happen, but this was definitely not it.”

“What was that noise?” “What noise?”

“Gimme, gimmie, gimme a… serotonin.” “Are you ok?”

“Hi, nice to meet you. Prepare to be killed.”

“Where are we??” “Gee, I’m so glad you asked. Let me just activate my google maps implant and-”

“Hey, do you remember that time when-” “No. No, I do not. No further questions, please.”

“Why are you so upset all of the sudden?” “You killed my dad!” “Right, that.”

“I love you.” “Are we playing a game of telephone I don’t know about? What’s going on?”

“Don’t be stupid, I’m not in love with them! Why would you think that?” “Well for one thing you haven’t been able to close their facebook page from your browser in five weeks, so-”

“I just need someone to tell me they’re glad I’m alive.” “I am. So unbelievably glad, more than you could ever imagine.”

“Why aren’t you talking to me?” “Because I’m mad at you.” “Why?” “Need I remind you–”

“You’re everything I’ve ever dreamt of.” “So you’ve only ever had nightmares, huh?” “Yeah.”

“Isn’t it time for you to go to bed?” “Isn’t it time for you to mind your business??” “… Ok. Bed, now.”

“Are you drunk?” “Nooo, whyyy?” “Because you just told me you want to carry me around like a sloth baby.” “Ooooh my little sloth babyyyy!”

“Hon, it’s 4 am, why are you up?” “I… I just have to organize this bookcase…” “*sigh* ok, which is it, by height or color?”

“What did you say?” “WhAt DiD yOu SaY?” “STOP!”

“AHH!!” “What?? What is it?” “Why can you bend like that?!”

“I love you.” “YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW- Oh, wait, hold on-”

“That’s interesting.” “… You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” “Not a clue.”

You come here often?“ "I- … We both live here.”

“I’m sorry but looking like that has to be a punishable offense.”

“Are you lying?” “Why would I lie?” “Because we’re sworn enemies and hate each other’s guts?” “Oh, right, that. Forgot”

“What are you doing??” “Bold of you to assume I’d have an answer to that question.”

“… Are you singing to yourself?” “Oh, yeah, sorry, I didn’t notice.” “No, please, keep singing. It’s nice.”

“Are you okay?” “No. But I will be, with time. I hope”

“Should we do something about this??” “… Or we could just do nothing?” “Yeah let’s do that.”

“How was the cult meeting?” “For the last time, family dinner is not-

"If you so much as look in their direction again, I will kill you, is that clear?”

“What are you doing here? I thought you were dead.”

“How long have you been having these nightmares?” “For months… I just need them to stop. I’ll do anything to make them stop.” “Anything?” “Anything.”

“I haven’t seen you since you blacked out and threw up in my shoes at that party last year.” “… So is that a ‘no’ to the date, or…?”

“Bro you must have the most selective hearing known to man.” “… Sorry, did you say something?” “AAARRRGH!!”

“I miss you. Please come home. Please.”

“He’s got a stick of something stuck up somewhere is you know what I mean.” “Nice.”

“I love you more than I love Ewan McGregor.” “Wow, babe, do you really mean that?” “…. yes.”

“Bro I’m pissed, you really can’t have s#!t in Detroit.” “…I gotta be honest, half the time I have no idea what you’re saying.”

“You really should get a grip.” “You’re one to talk!”

“Why did you do that?!” “I was just trying to be cool.” “Well, it did not work.”

“I gotta tell you, I don’t like our odds on this one.” “Since when has that ever stopped us?” “Just thought I’d mention it.”

“So, about last night…”

“How do you feel?” “Torn apart.”

“And you can be sure of this: I will never cry over it. Never.”

“This isn’t a competition, you know.” “Spoken like a true loser.”

“Hey, it’s me, hope you’re doing well.” “My dog died last night.” “Aw. Anyway-”

“I’m sorry, ok? Here, I brought cookies!” “You killed five people.” “Not a raisin person I see. Noted.”

“Where’s the kid??” “The what?” “You remember that you were supposed to pick them up today, right?” “… I gotta go real quick-” “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”

“I can’t do it, I can’t…” “You don’t have a choice.”

“And whatever you do, don’t-” “Don’t what?” “… Do that.”

“I haven’t wanted anyone this bad in a long time.” “I hate that I have to ask this, but do you mean that in a romantic or violent way?” “Both.”

“How do you stay so good, even through all of this?”

“I need you to stay alive… please… I don’t know how to live without you.”

“I’m really glad you feel that you can be honest with me.” “Well you drugged me so I didn’t really have a choice-” “Shh. I really love the growth our relationship is going through.”

“Are you ok? And don’t lie to me.”

“Taken your meds today?” “Yeah, why do you ask?” “No reason.”

“I feel like I’m gonna throw up.” “Please don’t, this car’s new-”

“I think I’m ok now…” “You’re not.” “Why do you care, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to hate me?” “Be quiet. Lie still.”

“Ok bestie, I see what you’re saying.” “Please stop talking like that.”

“Ok, fine, it’s on. You. Me. Karaoke at eight.” “What kind of threat is that??” “You’ll see.”

“Did you just kick that guy in the nuts for no reason??” “Yeah, that’s feminism, baby!” “No, no, it’s really not-”

“Inhumane. Disgusting. I can’t believe you’d do something like that.” “Give me a break-” “Say hello to Geoffrey RIGHT NOW.” “He’s a dog, why do I have to-” “SAY IT!” “…. hello, Geoffrey.”

“Citation needed, please.”

“I don’t like the cut of their jib.” “Do you have to talk like that?” “Talk like what?” “Never mind.”

“We shouldn’t do this, it’s not right.” “Ok Mr. Geneva Conventions.”

“Now, kneel before me. Kneel!”

“Hey, come here a sec.” “Are you going to serenade me about how I’m the love of your life and how your universe would have no light if I weren’t in it?” “No?” “Then no.”

“You got what you wanted, didn’t you?” “I didn’t want it like this! Not like this…”

“I know it’s not much, but, maybe I could hold you, just for a little while.”

“If you want even the slightest chance of surviving this, you have to do exactly as I say, got it?”

“If only one of us is can make it out of here alive… it’s gonna be me.”

“Honey, what’s going on? Why are you crying?” “*sniffs* What if they don’t like the wrapping paper on the gift?” “They will, honey, don’t worry. Go back to sleep.” “Are you sure?” “One hundred percent. Trust me.” “Okay.”

“This is outrageous!” “Sweetheart, you have to calm down.”

“Back then I honestly didn’t think it could get any worse. But then I met them, and I thought, uh oh.” “And we’ve been inseparable ever since.”

“How was your day?” “Nice. Why do you ask?” “Because I wanted to make sure you had a nice last day before I kill you”

“Where are the others?” “You mean the scum you call friends?” “Yes, now where are they?”

“You’re an idiot.” “Takes one to know one.”

“Why did you do that?? I got what you were saying, I didn’t need a demonstration!”

“Listen, we don’t want any trouble.” “Well I guess that’s too bad, cuz I do.”

“What are you laughing at?- Actually, I don’t wanna know.”

“If only one of us is can make it out of here alive… it’s gonna be me.”

“Honey, what’s going on? Why are you crying?” “*sniffs* What if they don’t like the wrapping paper on the gift?” “They will, honey, don’t worry. Go back to sleep.” “Are you sure?” “One hundred percent. Trust me.” “Okay.”

“This is outrageous!” “Sweetheart, you have to calm down.”

“Back then I honestly didn’t think it could get any worse. But then I met them, and I thought, uh oh.” “And we’ve been inseparable ever since.”

“How was your day?” “Nice. Why do you ask?” “Because I wanted to make sure you had a nice last day before I kill you”

“Where are the others?” “You mean the scum you call friends?” “Yes, now where are they?”

“You’re an idiot.” “Takes one to know one.”

“Why did you do that?? I got what you were saying, I didn’t need a demonstration!”

“Listen, we don’t want any trouble.” “Well I guess that’s too bad, cuz I do.”

“What are you laughing at?- Actually, I don’t wanna know.”

“Happy birthday!” “My birthday was a month ago.” “Yikes.”

“So what are you doing to celebrate this year?” “The same thing I always do.” “Wallow in loneliness and self-loathing?” “Yup.”

“Tomorrow would’ve been their twenty-first birthday.” “Would have been?” “Yes. As in I’m going to kill them so they won’t live to see it.”

“I never thought I’d live to see this day.” “I’m so glad you have.” “Me too.”

“Happy birthday.” “How’d you know it’s my birthday?” “Just a lucky guess. Anyway, here’s your ID.” “Where did you get that??”

“I hope you like it, baby.” “Aw, this is so sweet, you shouldn’t have-” “… Well?” “Sweetie, what is that?”

“I know you usually hate celebrating your birthday, so I thought I’d make it a little bit extra special.” “By kidnapping me?” “Now you’re being a little dramatic.”

“Happy birthday!” “Didn’t we celebrate my birthday last year?” “Birthdays are kind of an annual thing.” “Oh.”

“I just want this day to go by in silence, ok?” “Sure, whatever you want.” “Thank you.”

“Do you know what kind of cake they’d like?” “How am I supposed to know that? Cake-preference isn’t really a common topic of conversation on the battlefield.”

“I need a reason to stay.” “I can’t give you any. Not any good ones, anyway.” “A bad one will do.”

“Want to know why everyone hates you? It’s because you are so obviously the envy of everyone in this room and yet totally unaware of it. It’s infuriating.”

“Remember that summer by the cabin when we stole your grandad’s boat and got stuck in the middle of the lake?” “I remember you being the reason we got stuck because you dropped one of the oars in the water.”

“Come, dance with me.”

“I don’t regret a single second I’ve spent with you.”

“You make me miserable, you know that?” “Then how come you’re smiling?”

“Don’t open your eyes yet!”

“You can’t tell me what to do.” “Listen, normally I’d let you do what you want, but when that thing involves holding a knife to my face, I feel like I should get to have some say.”

“Now, I’m not saying if I saw them in a burning building I would leave them in there, but-”

“Why does every outing with you have to turn into some sort of ethical dilemma?” “More fun that way.”

“So, yeah, anyway. Where was I?” “You’d just killed your brother with a teacup.” “Right. So, he comes back to life-”

“Boy, have I got news for you!”

“According to my sources, that’s a load of bullshit.” “What sources?” “How about my common sense?”

“Never you mind!”

“I’m not mad, she had to do what she had to do.” “She kidnapped your mom!” “I’m just saying,”

“I’m not so sure about this…” “That’s why you’re not the one in charge!”

“Suck it up buttercup, we’ve got work to do.”

“That’s interesting, but have you considered this…” “… what?” “Therapy?”

“I’d like to suggest a heart-to-heart conversation about this, but considering you don’t have one, that’d be difficult.” “Quite.”

“What happened here?” “I-” “No, stop, I don’t want to know.”

“You’re the eager kind, I see.” “No, just impatient.”

“I had no time to think, so I made a judgment call. But, as I should have known from previous experience, I have very poor judgment.”

“Well, what if you-” “No.” “What?” “I don’t want advice, I just want to complain.” “All right. Go off then, I guess.”

“I’m so single even my mom won’t return my calls.” “Your mom is dead, sweetie.” “I know, but still.”

“Just get it done; it doesn’t much matter how.” “… Machete?” “Yes.” “Gun?” “Yes.” “Lazer gun?” “Yes.” “Rabid monkey?” “Yes.” “Hm… what about a voice-activated fighting drone that shoots lemon juice into people’s eyes-” “JUST GET IT DONE!”

“How was your day?” “Oh, you know, the usual.” “I doubt there’s much ‘usual’ about your usual day.” “I won’t fight you on that one.”

“Well, what do you think?” “He’s nice.” “And?” “And I hate him with every fiber of my being.” “Why am I not surprised.”

“What are you doing?” “Waiting for inspiration to strike.” “How’s it going so far?” “Not good.”

“Crap, what do we do?!” “I don’t know! I majored in physics not in fighting big ugly monsters!” “Look, I don’t think calling it ugly is helping!”

“If nothing’s killed me so far, I doubt this will.” “One can only hope.”

“If we lose this-” “It’s just a game of Capture the Flag honey, it’s not that serious-” “If we lose this, I’m divorcing you.”

“What do you want from me?” “You’ll see soon enough.”

“Can I ask you a favor?” “Can you ask me? Yes. Will I do it?” “… you haven’t even heard what I was going to ask-” “No.”

“Never underestimate the power of a well-timed prank, young padawan.” “See, this is why I never introduce you to people.”

“Not to sound desperate, but, we’re desperate.”

“Don’t ever ask me about that again, is that clear?”

“Hear that?” “Hear what?”

“There you are! I’ve missed you!” “What- What’s going on?”

“Am I supposed to know who you are?”

“I’m bored, wanna do something?” “Sure, what do you want to-” “Bank robbery.” “…” “…” “Should I be concerned?”

“Please, tell me what’s wrong.” “*sigh* Lately, I don’t know, I guess I just don’t feel seen.” “Well, I am blind, darling.” “Yes, of course, sorry. My bad.”

“I love you.” “I don’t believe that.” “Doesn’t change the fact that I do.”

“What’s it going to take to convince you?”

“I’m in love with you.” “… What in the world for?”

“I would prefer death to this.” “I really wish you’d stop talking like that.”

“Why is your face purple?”

“I haven’t felt like this in a long time.”

“But I’ve realized that I’ll never be enough for you. And as much as it hurts me to say it, I’ve realized that you’ll never be enough for me, either.”

“I’m so nervous.” “It’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

“I was fine on my own, and then you came waltzing in with your long eyelashes and beautiful smile, and now look at me, I’m a mess of epic proportions. And it’s all your fault.”

“Something tells me I’m going to regret this.”

“This will be a lot easier for the both of us if you don’t fight.”

“Fighting is a lot more intimate than undressing, don’t you think?”

“What, you’re not hungry?” “Not hungry enough to eat whatever that is.”

“Why do you have to be so difficult? Sit still!”

“Get out of the way kid, this is none of your business.” “Oh no you don’t. If anyone’s going to kill her, it’s gonna be me.”

“This is getting ugly. We have to leave, now.”

“Don’t you realize that I’m only trying to protect you?”

“I want to stay with you.” “You know I’d never let you do that.” “Why?!” “Why do you think?!”

“Wait, were you worried about me?” “Don’t flatter yourself, I just didn’t want to have to deal with your corpse.”

“Look, I’m sorry I burned your house down and eradicated your entire family, but I think it’s time for you to stop holding a grudge.”

“Don’t give me that. You meant what you said and you know it.”

“All of that to say… I hate you and I wish you were dead.”

“Man, what’s up with that guy?” “He’s just like that. You get used to it. I hope.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little overdramatic?” “I will literally set you on fire right now.”

“Don’t you think you should reconsider your copious intake of *insert food/drink*?” “Don’t you think you should shut your mouth?”

“This seems like a needlessly complicated way to do this.” “Well I’m in charge so if you have any better suggestions you’re free to keep them to yourself.”

“You want to tell me what’s going on here?” “No, no. Definitely not.”

“Will you stop that?” “Stop what? I wasn’t doing anything!” “I know. Just thought I’d save us the time for when you eventually do something.”

“I haven’t let a man speak to me that way since 2005, and I certainly am not about to now.”

“I promise you’ll be okay.” “What about you?” “Don’t worry about me. Just get out and don’t look back.” “But-” “Promise me.”

“We’re gonna need a whole lot of glitter glue to get out of this one, ladies.”

“That’s my girl.”

“You’re crazy!” “Oh, honey, rest assured, you don’t even know the half of it.”

“How can you be so calm right now?!” “Worrying won’t change anything. You need to calm down.” “Don’t tell me to calm down! You just blew that guy’s head off!!”

“Why are you wearing that thing?” “What thing?” “For goodness sake- YOU’RE WEARING A TRAFFIC CONE ON YOUR HEAD!”

“Don’t you realize how much is at stake?” “You know I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“That’s embarrassing.”

“Look, I’m not any more thrilled about this than you are, but can we pretend to like each other for one night?” “All right, fine. But just know that I’ll be wanting to throw up the whole time.” “Likewise.”

“Wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” “That kind of depends on what you think I’m saying. But, yeah, sure.”

“What’s wrong with your face?” “What do you mean?” “Oh, wait- You always look like that? Yikes.”

“I would strongly encourage you not to do that.” “Why?” “You don’t want to know.”

“Come with me, please.”

“What’s that smell?”

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?” “Well, your mom never complained.”

“Just admit defeat, you’re completely powerless.” “Maybe. But that doesn’t mean I’m defeated just yet.”

“I’m here to do a job. Feelings have nothing to do with it.” “How naïve. Feelings have everything to do with it.”

“So how do you two know each other?” “We’re married.” “Oh!”

“How dare you speak to me that way?”

“I can’t go in there! Are you crazy?” “And why on earth not?” “Look how I’m dressed!” “Darling, you could wear a potato sack and still be the marvel in any room. Now let’s go show them, shall we?”

“Trust me, you’re doing great, just keep going.” “I’m so scared, I can’t do this!!” “Yes, you can. Trust me, you’re almost there!”

“I’m quite proud of you.”

“How do I know I can trust you?” “Well you’ll be dead in about two minutes if you don’t, but it’s up to you.”

“I would be lying if I said I didn’t see the signs… But then again I’m dyslexic, so-”

“Man, not this guy again…” “What?” “I’ve killed that guy five times already but he keeps coming back, it’s really starting to get on my nerves… Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

“You’re not scared of me. I like that.”

“What’s going on??” “Be quiet.” “Why?” “I’m grieving.” “Grieving what?” “My dignity.”

“Well I might not be the smartest guy around, but even a broken clock is right once a day!” “No, that’s… That’s not…”

“Do you see now why everyone hates you?” “Yes, isn’t it marvelous!”

“Are you ok?” “Please don’t ask me that.”

“Where are you going?” “I don’t know yet. But I’ll let you know when I get there.”

“Just because I’m not allowed to do it doesn’t mean I can’t do it. There’s a difference!”

“Enough talking. You came here to play, didn’t you? So, let’s play.”

“He’s dangerous.” “How? He seems nice.” “Exactly; he’s charming. And charm is a man’s most effective weapon.”

“Stop talking, please. Your voice is shrill and piercing and thoroughly unpleasant.” “A simple ‘shut up’ would suffice, you know.”

“I’m having murder thoughts. Come back later.”

“I can’t do it!” “Just shoot your shot, dude. One day they’ll be dead and so will you.”

“I’m so sorry I hurt you.” “Don’t sweat it, I could’ve just as easily have hurt you.” “Well, it’s cute that you think that.”

“May I thunder victoriously against him in the battle for your heart, my sweetest one.”

“What’s going on?!” “Just do as I say and ask questions later!”

“All right, that’s it! Your bloodline ends here!”

“This doesn’t look very promising, does it?” “In my humble opinion? No.”

“Is that mistletoe I see?” “I’m pretty sure that’s poison ivy, actually.” “Well, I’m not picky.”

“Am I crazy, or-” “Yes.” “… You didn’t even hear what I-” “Don’t need to.”

“I’ve loved you from the first moment I ever laid eyes on you.” “Wasn’t that at that party when I was hurling my guts out into the toilet?” “Okay so maybe not the very first moment,”

“Hate you.” “Hate you too. Have a nice day, sweetie.” “You too, babe. See you after work.”

“You followed a recipe this time, right?”

“Are we really about to have this discussion again?” “Yes, and we will keep having it until you realize that I’m right and you’re wrong!”

“How did you end up way out here?”

“Let me tell you something.” “Hm?” “If anyone were ever to write a biography about you, it’d be called The Life of a Dumbass. And situations like this are the exact reason why!”

“Why?” “I don’t know why, and I don’t care why!”

“I’ll give you a word of advice: never wear two pairs of socks.”

“I learned at seventeen why you should never ever wear two pairs of socks.”

“I’m a little kerfuffled.”

“That’s a good example of childhood trauma she hasn’t recovered from.”

“Maybe the oldies are onto something with this.”

“I’m forever in your debt, my friend.” “Just buy me a burger and we’ll call it even, okay?”

“I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I think you may be overthinking this.”

“I just want to be with someone who makes me want to live. Someone who makes me glad I’m alive, who’ll make me see the beauty of it. Right now, all I can see is the pain. I want to smile again.”

“I thought you didn’t care about me.” “Only you would be stupid enough to think that.”

“I know you’re a little behind the times, but that’s extreme even for you.”

“It’s scary.” “All of life is scary, sweetheart. But you can’t give up.”

“He’s a complete and utter grump and she’s a precious ray of sunshine. It’s meant to be.”

“Whew, glad that’s over!”

“Everyone’s going to see straight through this.” “No way, I paid top dollar for this!” “Where, the dollar store?!”

“I’m really nervous.” “Me too.” “Yeah?” “Yeah.”

“I had a really good time tonight.”

“You look gorgeous. As always.”

“Look, kid, this isn’t personal. It’s just business.” “You stole my grandfather’s ashes!” “Again, nothing personal.”

“Wow, I’ve never seen such a terrible bowler in my entire life.” “Shut up!”

“But just so you know, I intend on being as confusing and annoying as possible the entire time.”

“In terms of sense, there is none detected.”

“I can fix this, I can fix this!” “How?!” “I don’t know, but I can!!”

“Whatever you decide, whether I agree with your decision or not, I’ll support you.”

“Have you seen my bee-jar?” “Your what-now?” “My jar full of bees. Thought that’d be pretty self-explanatory.” “Yeah, I got that part,”

“Being a rational person, I’d strongly advise you against doing this. But I’m also a curious person, so by all means, go ahead.”

“Down, boy.”

“I feel conflicted.” “Why?”

“You obviously aren’t able to take care of yourself right now, so, just for now, I’m going to do it for you. But just know I’m not happy about it.”

“Maybe, just maybe, this was a bad idea.” “You think?!”

“I’ve done a lot of stupid things, but that was by far the stupidest.”

“This is not an insult, just an observation,”

“Oh no! … Anyway.”

“Just seems like everyone’s coming after me these days.” “Wonder why.”

“Room’s a mess, just the way you like it.”

"Don't be fooled, what you're witnessing is a crime."

"Just you wait."

"Deep breaths, come on. Deep breaths."

"This stuff is intoxicating." "Thanks!" "As in poisonous." "Oh."

"What do you mean 'why am I laughing'?!"

"Don't ever say I never do anything for you."

"You thought I wouldn't notice, huh?" "Shut up."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"What's so funny?"

"Is that a fact or are you just guessing?" "Do you even have to ask?"

"Look what I found!" "Oh, wonderful honey, wonderful, let me see. What is that...? IS THAT A SNAKE?!"

"Why are you doing that?" "I'm a little forgetful these days, so I need these notes to remind me of things." "You won't forget me, right?" "Oh, never! And if it ever seems like I have, I'm just playing a game, so you just play along, ok?" "Ok!"

"Look at my dress!" "Spectacular. Stunning. Slay."

"Have you seen my glasses?" "You mean the ones on the top of your head?"

"I picked you these flowers." "Daisies! My favorite!"

"I'll tell you, the world's a lot different now from when I was your age." "How?"

"Tell me a story!" "I think you've heard all of my stories, honey... Well, except one."

"I'm not interested in that stuff anymore, grandma/grandpa." "Pity me, I guess I missed the newsletter in which that announcement was made!"

"Did you really make these?" "Yes, I did." "Can you show me how?"

"Why are you walking like that?" "I put my leg on the wrong way this morning, I think!"

"I will not accept defeat. You either win, or you die." "All right, calm down, dude."

"Over my dead body."

"Why are you doing that?" "I'll give you a hint: Revenge."

"You have to leave. Now!"

"This is without a doubt going to have international implications." "It's just pie, honey-" "Just pie?!"

"Don't you think they're a little young for this?"

"Why did you do this to me?"

"You shouldn't be here!" "Neither should you!"

"Let's have a glass of milk and calmly discuss this like adults."

"Together?" "Together."

"Watch this." "Do I have to?"

"Like braids in short hair, I too am barely holding it together."

"I'm burnt out." "We just started!"

"I actually hold a world record." "Oh, cool! In what?" "Dumbassery."

"What's that smell?"

"How's that fair?"

"When I wake up I'm afraid of the idea of facing the day." "I'm sorry to ask this, but, are you... are you quoting Adele?"

"Take no pity, take no prisoners."

"If I'd known I'd have brought some flowers!"

"Meet me at the hotel room." "Ok, Mr. Pitbull."

"He's an evil prick." "Isn't he-" "My husband? Yes."

"I've come to steal and plunder, fellas."

"Smile!"

"As they say, sharing is caring." "I don't think it applies in this situation."

"Play me something." "I haven't played in so long, I don't know..." "Please."

"If I'm going down-" "I'm going with you. I know, I know."

"I'll do whatever's necessary." "I hope so. For your sake. And for the sake of your loved ones."

"How's that even possible??" "We don't know."

"It's always excuses with you!"

"Out of all the people I hate, I hate you the most." "Aw, you really mean that?"

"I haven't been this stressed since I led the conga-line at Uncle Larry's wedding."

"You know... maybe I'm the problem." "You think?!"

"Now what in the fresh-" "My mother's here!" "-homemade bread is going on here? Roberta! Good to see you."

"It is as I suspected, he's a moron."

"Uh oh." "What do you mean 'uh oh'?!"

"Why are you shaking?"

"You're making it really hard for me to play nice right now."

"Tomorrow, he dies."

"Look at this plant!!"

"I'm hearing a lot of accusations and not seeing a whole lot of evidence!" "The dishes are right there!" "... Touché."

"It's time to get the old noggin' joggin', fellas."

"You're coming home with me."

"Please go buy some furniture, I'm begging, this is so sad."

"I suggest you get my name out of your mouth with quickness and haste, honey."

"He just told me I'm Corbin Bleu-ing it, what does that mean?" "I'm so sorry, he means to say that you're pushing it." "... To the limit?" "...Yeah."

"Does he always talk using movie references, or...?" "For my own sanity's sake, I'd prefer not to answer that."

"It's crime time, boys!"

"We're on the same page here." "Yeah, in different books!"

"It's time for you to step up."

"I'll take it from here."

"I'm trying my hardest not to be creepy here." "Yeah, well, try harder."

"Poor baby."

"How you like me now?"

"For once I'm going to need you to work with me instead of against me." "What's in it for me?"

"Come again?"

"You heard what I said."

"Can I ask you for some advice?" "Sure, but there's no quality guarantee." "Obviously."

"Why is she doing that?"

"I fear this is a real threat to my mental stability." "What mental stability?"

"Given the choice of failing on the cautious side and failing on the risky side, I've found the best place to land is in the middle."

"Be forewarned: I'm about to become ten times more insufferable."

"Since when do you knit?" "Since when did I give you permission to be all up in my business? Exactly. So shut up."

"Get in here, right now!"

"And I've been clear on that since the beginning."

"Give me the keys!"

"There's no way, there's just no way."

"Since when?"

"Is this what love is supposed to feel like?"

"I'm not going to let how I look, dictate the way I live my life."

"I feel like I'm gonna throw up." "It's cuz you're always on that phone!"

"I hate you." "Marry me."

"Life is a highway, and I'm always stuck in traffic."

"Bestie I will tear you to shreds."

"Your mother didn't carry you for nine months for you to behave like this." "You don't know my mom at all, do you?"

"Great, so out of two hundred-and-sixteen passengers there's not a single pilot/captain/doctor on board, but we've got five marine biologists, two graphic designers, ten chefs, one Banksy impersonator, and four composers. Fantastic. We're all gonna die." "Anyone here a funeral directory by any chance?"

"Why would you lie about something like that?"

"Stop being so dramatic." "There's a bone sticking out of my arm!" "And?"

"¿Como es?" "I don't speak french, sorry." "*visible confusion*"

"Boo, you psychopath."

"Make no mistake, vengeance will be ours." "Grandma-"

"I know you don't mean to, but sometimes you come across as very villainous."

"Do I regret it? Absolutely. Would I do it again? Without a doubt."

"You've got a real attitude problem, kid." "That's just his personality, sir."

"This isn't a competition, dude." "You're right, it's not even close!" "That's not what I meant."

"I want to go home..." "I know, I know. We will, soon, okay?"

"I've decided to be nice." "... Why?"

"Could you please shut up and stop being so annoying?" "Sorry, you're gonna have to pick one, I can't do both."

"Do you recognize this?" "Where did you find that?"

"Here, you're gonna need this." "Is that a machine gun? Who brings a machine gun to lunch??"

"And when I rule the world,-" "Don't you mean 'if'?" "... As I was saying, when I rule the world,"

"Why is no one dead?"

"Riveting."

"Fascinating."

"I hate that I can't tell whether you're joking or not."

"Why are you doing that? This is not a thumbs-up situation."

"You better watch your back!"

"This is feminism, baby." "It's really not..."

"Who still asks for permission?"

"Lighten up, it's tradition!"

"You hungry?" "Famished."

"That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, and I’ve been listening to myself speak for twenty years."

"Let’s just say we have unfinished business."

"You're in my way. Move."

"Don't worry, it'll all make sense later." "I sincerely doubt that."

"Do you have to wear that?"

"You drugged them?!" "Yeah, what's the problem?"

"Are you always this jittery?"

"What are you doing?" "Tidying." "...Why?"

"Listen here, ugly."

"Let me throw up real quick-"

"Since when are you part of the group?" "Since I can beat up all your asses, that's when." "...I'll give you that."

"Any questions?" "Several. First of,"

"Pay attention, this is important."

"I get the feeling that you don't like me very much." "I don't."

"This feels illegal." "It's not, I checked." "That doesn't make me feel better."

"Are you two fighting again?!"

"On the bright side, it can't get any worse." "I strongly doubt that."

"You can keep telling yourself that, but it won't change what happened."

"And who's going to pay for this?"

"Coming from you, that doesn't really mean much."

[animeangsteng]

Obey me! Demon brothers accidentally killing their s/o

▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ ▇ █ █ ▇ ▆ ▅ ▄ ▃ ▂

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Obey Me! Brothers accidentally killing their s/o

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⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎… ⋙

Warnings: Death (Accidental Murder), Depression, Self-Hate, Unhealthy coping mechanisms

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Ps: this was long because I worked on it for months (except for Beel and Belphie. Theirs are short).

Don’t get used to it.

.

Undateables now dateables version

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█ █ █ █ █ 100% *Tuning complete*

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Lucifer

(736 words)

It was just a moment.

He had to work just like always but that day he was especially mad because of some issue with the House expenses.

He was striving to understand who to punish when Y/n entered.

-Hey... do you need help?- they asked shyly.

-No- he answered without even looking at them.

Did they really have to annoy him now?

-You can’t do everything on you own. Are you sure you don’t want help? At least stop for a while otherwise your head will explode- they tried to coax him.

-I said no. Get out, Y/n. I have work to do-

Nothing, eh?

Y/n went out and made a quick call.

-Diavolo? May I have a chat with you? I’m concerned about Lucifer-

-Sure-

After a while y/n went back in the study and took the papers Lucifer was working.

With a smile they put there a cup of coffee.

-Let me go back to work. Now- he said pissed off.

Usually he’d be thankful but that day he wanted to finish work and sleep for a few hours.

Mammon already had bugged him enough, together with Levi’s whines.

-You have to relax. You can’t work anymore- y/n said trying to massage his shoulders.

-I can’t? I’m a demon, not a mere human! Now let me go work!- he shouted, mad at them.

Y/n shivered a bit but, believing he’d never hurt them, stood up and replied bravely: -It doesn’t matter. I’m not gonna allow you to kill yourself with work! Just like you wouldn’t let me do it!-

It really was just a second.

Lucifer lost it and went into his demon form.

He pushed with strength Y/n so that he could go get his papers back.

They hit the library and books fell on them.

The moment Lucifer realised what he had done he ran to them.

Blood was painting the books crimson red.

And he could do nothing about it.

Y/n’s eyes became vague and suddenly they weren’t alive anymore.

Dead.

God must have been kidding him, right?

It was just a joke.

He hoped Y/n’d get up in few seconds, laughing at him.

Hitting him.

Hating him.

Shouting.

No.

That silence wasn’t meant to be.

Yet there it was.

It filled the room. And Lucifer’s heart.

He called his brothers, the angels, Solomon, Diavolo, Barbatos... someone had to be able to do something, right?

And he did what he never thought possible.

He kneeled and prayed God, stripping himself of his pride.

One miracle.

One last miracle.

A wish.

How ironic.

He was always wishing for the same things.

To save someone he loved.

And like always the answer never arrived.

Desperation filled him.

Anger. Sadness. Memories.

He killed the love of his life with his own hands.

Monster.

That was the right term.

He still felt their body being throw with a strength even demons would have trouble dealing with.

Frail.

Humans were so weak.

He always told them but he really never considered it.

They stood up so sure.

He had promised he’d protect them forever.

But he hurt them himself.

Was he a liar?

Or were they too trustful?

Despite the presence of his brothers and all the others he cried.

He cried and called y/n’s name non-stop.

-I’m not going to work anymore, darling.

I’ll just stay with you.

Please.

You’re mine, remember?

You said you’d be mine forever.

You caught my heart and now you’re leaving me?

Just like this?-

A funeral? Never.

He didn’t want to give up y/n.

Not them too.

He kept them under a conservation spell in his room.

They seemed so peaceful, cleaned up and in pose.

He promised it, didn’t he?

He’d never let go.

He told them they were his prisoner.

But right now he was struggling move on.

No.

More like he was struggling to not crumble.

He kept working on new ways to bring them back.

He left his job as Diavolo’s right hand man so that he could focus on his brothers and that.

Then why he had yet to find anything?

He refused to surrender.

He was able to bring them back.

He had to.

He only wanted to be theirs.

No one else was worth it.

They had to take responsibility for catching a demon’s heart.

He was their prisoner.

Forever.

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Mammon

(605 words)

-It will be great!- he said.

Great?

That was anything but great.

Mammon longed for money, we know.

-Trust the Great Mammon!- he comforted them.

Great his ass!

He had one job to do.

Not hurt them.

A witch had challenged him to a competition for money.

And of course he accepted it.

He just had to destroy some stuffed animals.

Nothing hard.

Right?

Wrong.

He destroyed them and won the money.

But it didn’t matter.

Y/n was there to cheer fro him.

He went into his demon form and started destroying stuffed animals, with a smile on his face.

I mean... destroying was kinda his speciality plus he got payed for it.

He finished the last one with so much strength that small pieces of it flew around like bullets.

On the moment he didn’t realise and happily took the money.

But then he saw red.

Too much red.

Y/n was on the ground.

Their skin was pierced by what he had just destroyed.

He threw away the money and ran by his s/o’s side.

But it was too late.

Y/n’s eyes were already empty and soulless.

His smile with no happiness behind it.

They could almost pass for another stuffed animal.

If not... that they were Y/n.

He called his brothers.

He didn’t know what to do.

-Dontcha kid me! Stop trying to fool the Great Mammon! C’mon! Get up!- he shouted, shaking Y/n’s body.

-Yer not allowed to die! Yer mine! I’m your first demon! Dontcha dare leave me here alone!- he kept going on.

Lucifer and the others had get him away by force.

He wouldn’t move.

He didn’t want to be apart from them.

Although deep down he knew they were gone already.

Because of him.

His heart felt numb.

Idiot.

Scumbag.

Good-for-nothing.

Y/n always reassured him he wasn’t any of it, most of the time.

Would they say the same, looking how things turned?

He should have been more careful.

He wanted that money.

His mind couldn’t care about anything else.

And Y/n died.

Even faster than his money.

He organised a fast but rich funeral.

The fastest it is, the least it will hurt, right?

Oh no.

He couldn’t see straight because of the tears in his eyes.

He wanted to shout.

He wanted to get their body out of the coffin.

He wanted to be in that coffin instead.

He wanted to beg Y/n come back.

But would Y/n hear him?

Meters underground, would his pleas reach their silent heart?

He filled their grave and coffin with all the precious things he could find.

Maybe this would make up for what he did.

Were they happy?

Did they forgive him?

It was his fault Y/n died.

If only he had more self-control.

If only he was smarter.

If only he was more caring.

Maybe if he died they both would be happier.

Maybe they’d be together.

Yet he knew it didn’t work that way.

He then started craving for money that always ended on their grave.

Did he really deserve to be happy?

Still he kept earning and wasting it, wishing for his mind to be emptied of guilt and painful memories.

But no amount of money and gold would fill the void he felt.

No amount of money would be able to buy them back from Death.

And he couldn’t go on on his own.

Not after what he’d done.

Not after what he lived with them.

Y/n was the only key to his heart.

And now they were gone.

Forever.

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Leviathan

(589 words)

Leviathan saw Y/n with another man.

And then he couldn’t see anything anymore.

Really?

A mere human actually dared betray him?

It surely wasn’t happening!

Not to him!

The Third strongest demon of the Seven Rulers of Devildom!

And when he came to confront Y/n he lost his temper.

-Levi, I was just asking him about homework!- they tried to explain.

-Of course you’d go to him and not a yucky otaku such as myself- he mumbled.

-That’s not it!- they comforted him.

And Levi then started shouting about how much better the others were.

About how Y/n should just leave him.

And that quickly escalated.

With his demonic tail he hit them in an angry tic, passing through his beloved’s abdomen.

He made it disappear in a second and he ran to their side.

A hole, a bloody hole, stood in the middle of his beloved’s abdomen.

Y/n was almost gone.

They looks looked at him and then life left their body.

Leviathan had his gaze fixed in his reflection in his lover’s eyes.

-Please. You’re my player two! You can’t leave me!- he cried.

He kept pleading.

And pleading.

And pleading until he had no more voice to waste.

And he cried.

But who could he turn the blame on?

The men who made him jealous?

Y/n?

Of course not, after all it was their body the one lying there lifeless.

He only had himself to blame.

His weakness, since he wasn’t able to heal them.

His strength, since it was what killed them.

His lack of self-control, which caused him to lose his cool and hurt them.

Him.

He was the only reason Y/n was that.

And he deserved this.

He was just a yucky otaku, unworthy of being happy!

Unable to restrain himself!

He killed the only one who’d ever love someone like him!

Even Mammon was better than him!

It was just right for him to always be alone!

Still why did he had to ruin them too?

Why!?

Leviathan destroyed big part of his merchandise collection.

What was the meaning of having it, if he couldn’t share it?

But regret came.

He destroyed what they both used to love.

Was it the right thing to do?

Yet it didn’t make the heartache go away.

That guilt.

That rage.

That sadness.

How could he live when Y/n was dead?

He didn’t even go to the funerals.

Was he even worthy of it?

Would Y/n wish for his presence?

Probably no, at least in his mind.

Who’d ever want their own killer at their funeral?

Especially someone like him.

Holed in his room he never left, mumbling incomprehensible pleads, one moment asking for them to come back and the other begging for forgiveness.

Seeing his own face disgusted him, almost as much as seeing his demon form.

And that same tail that killed his beloved.

Maybe that was it.

Maybe Y/n‘d be happy with his death.

But it really wasn’t right.

He had to pay for what he’d done.

Yes.

He’d beg for forgiveness and suffer for what he’d done.

It was just right.

It was just right for someone like him to suffer.

He deserved it.

He was useless.

He was a recluse.

He wasn’t worthy of them.

He had to realise it, sooner or later.

And unfortunately he had realised too late.

But while pleading and recalling those painful memories a question, amongst the others, came up: “Will my prayers reach you?”

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Satan

(610 words)

Was it surprising, for him to lose his temper?

Of course not.

After all he was the Avatar of Anger!

What was he mad about, again?

He really couldn’t remember.

All he knew was that it had something to do with Lucifer.

It always had something to do with him.

He remember he was so mad he turned into his demon form.

He was so angry at them!

And seconds after Y/n fell on the ground.

His tail had strangled them quickly.

Satan turned human and looked at them, shocked.

He knew they were already dead.

They were too pale.

Too lifeless.

Just like he was too angry to realise he was killing the one he loved.

And he could have probably realised that too, if only he was more self-composed.

Self-control.

He had trained himself for that for centuries.

He knew how dangerous his anger could be.

He knew how violent he could become.

He knew it and he always thought he could control his instincts.

He thought he could not be the anger monster everyone feared.

He thought he could protect Y/n.

He thought he could stop himself from hurting them.

Instead he killed them.

Centuries spent trying not to hurt anyone unless necessary... wasted like this.

What could he do?

There must have been a spell to reverse this!

But there wasn’t.

No spell could bring the dead back.

And in particular no spell they would have approved.

He called their name many many times, shouting and begging for forgiveness.

But nothing worked.

He was no fool: no matter how many times he pleaded he couldn’t have Y/n back.

He killed them.

And there was no amount of begging that could change that.

Satan knew there were at least five stages of grief and he knew that at the end acceptance would come but he didn’t want it to.

He didn’t want to accept Y/n’s death.

He knew already they were dead.

It didn’t take that much for him to pass to the easiest stage: anger.

He was so angry!

At himself!

At Lucifer, who was the reason they argued!

At God, who controlled the twisted fate his beloved met!

At the world!

And he smashed anything he could get his hands on.

His dear books.

His bed.

Anything, to vent out the anger that was the cause and the consequence of Y/n’s dead.

For a second he came to be mad at them too.

Why were they so stubborn!?

If only they had left him alone!

But then the anger and hate directed again against himself.

He did it.

He killed them!

And everything reminded him that.

Those cats they both used to cherish.

The books they used to read together.

The cursed pens they used to give to Lucifer.

It all reminded him of what he’d done.

But he would have fixed it.

He had to.

Of course, he couldn’t leave them there while he looked for the solution.

So he created a mausoleum for his lover, made of his own magic.

There they could rest while he looked for a solution.

Satan would go there when distressed, filled with guilt and regret.

He told them about how sorry he was.

But through the glass no one was listening.

-You know, Y/n? I love you. And I didn’t really realise until I lost you... how poor I was at saying those words-

He looked anywhere and no one was excluded.

He had to have the way to bring Y/n back.

He couldn’t live without them.

And he couldn’t die with the guilt of having killed them.

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Asmodeus

(861 words)

He was excessively narcissistic?!

He had to understand there are people just as beautiful as him, although in other ways?!

He had hoped Y/n was kidding.

How foolish!

He knew there were many ways to be beautiful but of course: he was the most beautiful of all, no matter how you looked at him!

How could anyone not love him?!

But they just didn’t stop trying explain this.

And, when he was starting to doubt it, he had to do something.

So he tried to explain his point of view to his s/o.

They had to agree, right?

Instead they stood in his positions!

And it really was just a question of seconds.

He didn’t even realise he went into his demon form until it happened.

In a fit of anger he threw his little table, the one with all the bottles of perfume, against his beloved one.

And they were crushed by it.

The sound of the broken bottles brought Asmodeus back.

Some ended up on the floor, others were crashed between Y/n’s body and the table.

Asmodeus quickly turned human again and kneeled by Y/n’s side.

Blood and glass fragments were under their crushed body.

He pushed the table away with strength, destroying it against the wall, and looked at their bloody abdomen.

-No, no, no!- he said quickly.

Y/n kept mumbling pained nothings.

-It hurts, Asmo- they kept mumbling softly, tears in their eyes.

Asmodeus started crying too, unable to touch anything.

He wasn’t as knowledgeable in medicine as the others but he knew they were going to die.

And there was nothing he could do.

His perfumes alone weren’t that dangerous and neither the glasses in Y/n’s body.

But the mixture of demonic perfume was lethal for humans.

And he could do nothing.

He’d never felt so useless.

Seeing the pained eyes of his beloved he knew what to do.

If he had done nothing they would have died slowly and painfully.

He couldn’t let them die in agony.

He couldn’t see their pained expression anymore.

He didn’t know if he did it out of love or out of guilt but it didn’t really matter.

Asmodeus tried focus and looked in his lover’s eyes: -Look at me, darling. Please! Just focus on me, love-.

He kept Y/n focused on him as his power creeped in.

He could only soothe their pain with his power but that was the least he could do.

He had to be strong.

He couldn’t really let them see him ugly, could he?

They had to see him beautiful.

Strong.

Not the broken demon he was going to be without them.

And so he kept them charmed, eyes fixed on him, until they breathed for the last time.

And so he crumbled.

Under the pressure.

Under the sadness.

Under the guilt.

Under the regret.

He thought his tears would end, sooner or later.

But they didn’t.

The tears ran over his face as he regretted not being enough.

Not being strong enough.

Not being able to control himself well.

The world had to love him, right?

He was the most beautiful, how couldn’t it?

So why was fate so cruel, to him?

To the loveliest of the demons!?

But he still couldn’t blame Y/n, in case they wanted to hate them.

He killed them, after all.

His stupid whims killed them.

Was it really important, though?

They only wanted him to become a better demon: why couldn’t he just try understand?

Was the thought of not being perfect too much to handle for him?

But given what he had done he really wasn’t perfect.

Not even an inch.

He was a monster.

Only a monster would kill his own lover.

He strived for perfection.

Why didn’t he just settle down for what he had?

His life was so perfect in that imperfection!

Why couldn’t he just do that?!

And when the time came for Y/n’s body to get buried he couldn’t let go.

He couldn’t let them leave forever.

Or at least not what was left of them.

He put them under a conservation spell.

So that he could keep them as beautiful as always.

He kept making their make up.

Covering up what he did.

But it didn’t work.

His heart had already turned cold.

Empty.

He was sad.

Scared.

He couldn’t handle that loneliness.

He really couldn’t.

He thought being warmed by someone would chase that freezing cold.

He had hoped it.

But it didn’t work.

No matter how many succubi he slept with.

No matter how exciting it was.

No matter how much he would have once enjoyed it.

It wasn’t as nice and warming as before.

He could barely get excited anymore about anything.

He still took care of himself, so that if Y/n was to wake up again they’d only see the beautiful Asmodeus, but it didn’t bring him happiness anymore.

He was broken.

And after every day and night spent with others he’d go back to Y/n, telling them about what he had done.

Begging them to forgive him for betraying them.

Recalling all the past beautiful memories.

Asking them to come back.

To warm his world once again.

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Beelzebub

(353 words)

Why?

Why!?

Why did it always happen to him?

He wasn’t able to save Lilith and now... he had killed his s/o himself.

He was so mad at them.

No.

Not mad.

He was hungry.

He was always hungry but there was no more food.

Yet he was still hungry.

The others went buy it.

But he wasn’t enough patient.

He started destroying things.

And they got caught up in the middle of it.

Y/n tried to calm him down.

And...

He didn’t even know how but the next thing he saw was them.

Lying on the floor.

Dead.

He didn’t even know how.

Or when.

But he saw them dead and that made him get back in control of his own body.

He tried help them.

He wasn’t good with magic.

And he could do nothing.

He called his twin.

Lucifer.

Mammon.

Leviathan.

Satan.

Asmodeus.

But none of them came.

Or at least none of them came in time.

They were dead.

He just stayed there.

Crying silently.

Mumbling their name just like one would pray.

-Could you just come back? Please, Y/n. I can’t lose you too-

But they didn’t answer his prayer.

And he didn’t feel his usual hunger anymore.

He just felt that huge pain.

That guilt.

That regret.

That void.

He tried to go on.

But he didn’t want to.

No matter how hard he tried to force himself to eat it didn’t work.

It was just tasteless.

Their funeral ended fast.

He didn’t even see it.

He was just there.

He’s mind wondering if he’d ever see them again.

Wishing that.

But he knew he wouldn’t.

He let them go.

He forced them to go.

He killed them.

He killed Y/n.

And they weren’t coming back.

He needed them.

He didn’t care if he couldn’t eat.

What was the point in eating and staying alive without them!?

They fulfilled him.

And without them nothing was left of him.

Just broken pieces that couldn’t be fixed.

-A look at me and you should understand, Y/n. I can’t bear it anymore. I need you-

.

Belphegor

(359 words)

Twice.

He killed them twice.

Really?

Was God fucking kidding him?

Was he really so much fun to be toyed with?

God really had to let him rebuild his fucking life to then destroy it himself again!?

He wanted to go to sleep.

And it really wasn’t that new.

But Y/n wanted him to be a bit more active.

So he tried.

But being awake made him so irritable.

And pissed.

So when they did one little thing wrong... he snapped.

Like a beast he had killed them.

No control was left in him until they were dead.

And he was there.

Standing on their dead body.

It really was a deja vu, wasn’t it?

At that time they came back with that cute time trick of them.

Surely this time it would be the same, wouldn’t it?

No?

Why not?

Belphegor knew too well why not.

But he didn’t want to accept it.

His human was just pranking him, right?

What was it?

A little revenge for the time he killed them?

Well... he was sorry so why didn’t they get up?

Why didn’t their heart beat?

No.

He wouldn’t let it end like this.

Not again.

He would have made God pay for the twisted plot he created!

And so Belphegor tried to make his way to the Celestial Realm to kill God.

Or at least hurt him.

His brothers held him off.

He tried make them understand it was necessary.

That he had to avenge Y/n.

But maybe his lover wouldn’t have wanted him tu hurt others.

And that brought him back to his first idea.

It was his fault.

He killed them.

And even though it was God’s plan it was him who played along.

So he locked himself up.

He begged his brothers to.

And he started sleeping.

Every time he dreamt of them.

Of the happy moments they shared.

So every time he wished to not wake up.

Why waking up in a world where they weren’t there?

In a world where his guilt and pain would soffocate him?

He could just live in his dreams with Y/n.

Happy.

Forever.

.

COMMENTS (under the cut)

LUCIFER

Anime:

Angst kinda wrote it too long.

Still it was nice.

Heartbreakingly nice.

I don’t really know him so I had to look up for him online.

Angst:

I got carried away.

A lot.

Sorry.

Not sorry.

Eng:

(n.f.Anime and Angst: we’re not letting her read it. No way)

MAMMON

Anime:

I don’t know him but I pity him.

Angst made his piece so... short.

Angst:

He got it short.

I didn’t mean it.

I kinda like him.

But he got what he got.

And btw: I’ve got nothing to say about the stuffed animals.

I just felt like putting them in this.

Eng:

(n.f.Anime and Angst: we’re not letting her read it. No way)

LEVIATHAN

Anime:

Even shorter!

Poor him!

Is Angst going to make it shorter as we go on? (n.f.A: probably)

Angst:

Short.

And here I thought he’d be the longest.

Poor him.

Just kidding.

He deserves it.

Eng:

(n.f.Anime and Angst: we’re not letting her read it. No way)

SATAN

Anime:

I really pity him.

I mean... why?

Angst is such a sadist!

Angst:

Well... it wasn’t that short, was it?

I liked it.

Unfortunately I couldn’t use the “book tainted with blood” line but I guess it was still pretty nice.

Eng:

(n.f.Anime and Angst: we’re not letting her read it. No way)

ASMODEUS

Anime:

He really is a modest one, huh?

Anyway I feel bad for him.

Even though he still got a bit lost.

I wouldn’t have... distracted myself like that.

Angst:

I just love him so much!

So I had to make him heartbreakingly sad, you know?

Eng:

(n.f.Anime and Angst: we’re not letting her read it. No way)

BEELZEBUB

Anime:

He didn’t deserve it.

Poor him!

I mean... at least he asked for help so... just... poor him!

Angst:

He’s an angel.

A demonic angel.

I couldn’t hurt him that much.

So sorry not sorry but that’s all you get!

You know... I have a heart too.

I think.

Maybe.

Eng:

(n.f.Anime and Angst: we’re not letting her read it. No way)

BELPHEGOR

Anime:

Poor him too!

He had to experience that twice!

And the ending!

Why?

Poor him!

Angst:

I’d say I have no excuses for this one but... I have.

I have four.

1. I pity him.

2. I didn’t know what to write

3. I don’t particularly like him

4. I wanted to make his piece like his twin’s

Eng:

(n.f.Anime and Angst: we’re not letting her read it. No way)

TOP 3

Top 3 Angsty

Anime:

1. Asmodeus

2. Lucifer

3. Leviathan

Angst:

1. Asmodeus

2. Belphegor

3. Lucifer

Top 3 Pity

Anime:

1. Satan

2. Belphegor

3. Beelzebub

Angst:

I don’t feel pity.

No pity for anyone.

ENDING NOTE FROM ANGST

I had this in mind for a while, now.

So... here it is!

I kinda hope it will be a sample of how I write.

When I’m inspired.

[virlath]

The great betrayal

So far, we’ve only really heard what happened in ancient times based on Solas’ own words. But we also know that he speaks in half truths. His own dark legends as told by Felassan, his old friend, paints him as cunning and practiced in double-speak dark wisdom.

His MO is reminiscent of Imshael, a forbidden one who tricked Michel into releasing him (thereby reactivating the eluvian network, which was ultimately what Solas wanted). They both blur the line between spirit and demon and they both traverse the fade as if it is their home.

And I have to say, Solas’ version of events leading to Mythal’s death doesn’t add up.

He claims the precursor to the veil was the evanuris killing Mythal. Abelas reaffirms this version of events by specifically saying ‘the dread wolf had nothing to do with her murder. She was slain, if a god truly can be, by the people who also destroyed this temple’.

But at the end of the day, the only person who stood to gain the most from Mythal’s death was Fen’Harel and his slave rebellion, not the evanuris.

After all, the evanuris’ entire claim of divinity hinged on the claim that they were truly ‘immortal’.

"The gods, our Evanuris, claim divinity, yet they are naught but mortals powerful in magic who can die as you can. In this place, we teach those who join us to unravel their lies."

Based on ancient mosaics at Fen’Harel’s sanctuary, we can presume the evanuris knew the secret to ‘effective immortality’ by body hopping. I am assuming the method to do this is probably similar to Corypheus and his arch demon.

It seems that not many regular people knew of this secret however, which was why Solas took it upon himself to start his rebellion, expose their mortal flaws, and fight back against them to reclaim their freedom.

If the evanuris betrayed and killed Mythal as Solas says, they would have had to announce to everyone that the head of their pantheon, the goddess of love and protection, was dead and gone forever. But in doing so, they would also be exposing their own false divinity, revealing that they themselves can also be deposed.

According to Solas, Falon’Din started many wars to gain more worshippers. They likely started all these wars because the evanuris had the security of effective immortality. Their primary motive seems to gain more followers or slaves, rather than power over each other. In fact, Solas’ surprise at learning Corypheus also learned this secret proves it was not common knowledge even back in ancient Elvhenan.

So, knowing that the evanuris likely kept the secret of true immortality close to their chest, why would they want to off Mythal completely? Deposing her did not automatically mean they gained more power. Remember her killers destroyed her temple but left her well intact, and that was really where a lot of her power lay.

Maybe they were really were power hungry as he says, and mutinied against Mythal. Maybe they were poisoned by the void’s magic. Or maybe, they were manipulated by Fen’Harel to betray and kill her, to set an example and turn people against the false gods.

"The brand of the Evanuris can be lifted from you, that all may know you oppose their cruelties. None here are slaves. All are under our protection. All may choose to fight."

Fen’Harels sanctuary reveals his rebellion actually did attempt to try to fight against the gods. So imagine if Mythal, the head of the pantheon, was actually killed.

Mythal’s death would have sent a very clear message to the evanuris and everyone under their rule- the gods were not divine, and they were all mortals just as they were. This event would have been a huge turning of the tide for Fen’Harel’s rebellion to be honest.

I previously thought Solas and Mythal worked together in their rebellion, but maybe Solas was cunning enough to evade even her. Based on Cole’s dialogue, it wouldn’t be a surprise to learn he was also once a slave of Mythal’s (he left a scar when he burnt her off his face). And as to the reason why he doesn’t trust anyone? His distrust could simply be because he himself is the betrayer.

We can assume from DAI’s epilogue that Mythal and Solas were once close and Flemeth even calls him ‘old friend’. Perhaps Fen’Harel used his close relationship with Mythal as his shield, because the last person you expect to betray you is the person closest to you.

Just remember, an enemy can attack, but only an ally can betray you. Betrayal is always worse. 

Solas does seem genuinely remorseful about everything and his dialogue with Cole indicates he created the veil to save them. Maybe the evanuris were on a trajectory to destroy the world by using their magic and their slaves in their endless wars. Orchestrating Mythal’s death could have been a big part of his rebellion- he needed to resort to drastic measures to send a clear message.

I did not lead a slave-rebellion against immortal mage-kings without getting my hands bloody

There is also the propaganda on the dread wolf we can find in trespasser:

The pages of this book-memory?-warn of a terrible danger, a wolf with slavering black jaws and pits for eyes. The Evanuris-the elven gods-stand in a ring around it, as if preventing it from attacking.

"Beware the forms of Fen'Harel! The Dread Wolf comes in humble guises, a wanderer who knows much of the People and their spirits. He will offer advice that seems fair, but turns slowly to poison. Remember the price of treason, and keep in your heart the mercy of your gods."

It’s been assumed that this propaganda was released by the evanuris to dissuade people from joining Fen’Harel’s rebellion. But a lot of it also rings true, and it is one of those codices that has bugged me for ages in how foreboding and ominous it is.

It has parallels to the inquisitor’s own journey. It has elements of Solas’ own MO. And it reveals that Fen’Harel potentially even manipulated the false gods themselves.

From the dev notes in DAI, he will kill anyone- even Flemeth. He killed Felassan, his old friend. He says in Tevinter Nights, he will kill anyone without hesitation if they stand in his way.

I think there is a lot of solid evidence of his underhanded tactics in the events leading to Mythal’s death. Maybe he persuaded her killers to leave the well intact so that she could come back as a new being and reclaim her power. As he says ‘his people do not die so easily’. Mythal’s death and creation of the veil could have even enabled the blight as we know it today...

Because as told by Flemeth, Mythal became a wisp, just like Solas’ wisdom spirit friend. Based on dialogue with him, he insinuates wisps grow and reform in the void, where its assumed the blight’s magic is based on. 

Maybe his intention was to use Mythal as an example for his rebellion, but also attempt to reform her because she was his friend. But along the way, Mythal’s spirit corrupted into vengeance because she was ultimately betrayed by people she trusted.

If Mythal was Fen’Harel’s big sacrifice, it would also draw so many obvious symbolic parallels to Andraste, who as I’ve said before has a lot of suspicious links to Mythal. Remember Solas’ chess game with Bull in DAI? He sacrifices the queen in order to win the game.

This is of course all speculation and deduction- I don’t claim that Solas definitely betrayed Mythal. But from a story perspective, this would be an absolutely amazing plot twist, even bigger than the reveal of Solas being the dread wolf.

I mean....can you imagine that reveal in DA4?! It would explain so much of his regret and burden of guilt because Mythal was once his closest friend. On a thematic level the emphasis on power and sacrifice and revenge and forgiveness would all be there.

Fen’Harel being the betrayer but not the true killer but the orchestrator behind everything, completely embodying the trickster god trope...ahhh I just can’t stop thinking about this tbh.

[alinastracker]

If you’re still doing the prompts I have oneeeee hehe

" i mean... i-i'm cool with sharing the bed if you are. "

you got it baby 🥰

but i know something’s starting right now

It’s a sweltering Ravkan summer day, but nothing brings heat to her body like watching Mal in the pool, water droplets racing down his chest. His shaggy hair is a mop on his head, and she realizes this is what he must look like in the shower.

This is exactly why she didn’t want to bring him on the trip.

It’s the first week of July, and for the past three years, that’s meant a trip to the Os Alta Resort with Genya and Zoya. It’s a way for them to relax after exams and catch up now that they all attend different schools. But at the end of May, the two of them had FaceTimed her about a change for this year.  

“We were thinking of taking the boys with,” Genya says gently, nervous for her reaction.

Zoya is frank as ever. “It’s cheaper that way. Besides, after all this long distance, I could use a week of uninterrupted fuc—”

“Zoya!”

“Relax, Starkov. We’re all adults here.”

“Anyway,” Genya cuts in. “We’re just telling you in case you wanted to bring someone, too. Maybe Mal?”

“Mal and I aren’t dating.”

Only in her dreams.

“Might as well be,” Zoya mutters.

So in the choice between bringing Mal on what has basically turned into a couple’s retreat and going to said couple’s retreat alone, she’s chosen the former. It would be fine. Mal knows her friends. Him and Nikolai like to talk sports. Maybe it’ll be a little weird, being the only non-couple, but they could deal.

It would have been fine, if it weren’t for this morning’s check in.

"So it looks like we have you booked for three single rooms," the concierge says.

Alina frowns. "One of those should be a double."

The concierge checks again, each click of his mouse making her anxiety rise. He frowns. "Sorry, miss. It's showing me all singles."

"It's fine," Mal says. "Could we just upgrade it to a double, then?"

"Er, I'm afraid we're all booked, sir."

Nikolai claps his hands together, cheerful as ever at Zoya's side. "Well, I'll just switch with Alina, and Mal and I can — shit, Zoy!"

Zoya had stomped on his foot.

"We are not switching shit," she hisses under her breath.

Nikolai sighs. "My deadly dearest, certainly it's no big deal—"

"I bought us a new toy for this trip. We are not switching."

There is a brief moment where everyone freezes, then Genya groans, shaking her head as she murmurs apologies to the concierge, who is trying hard to pretend he hasn’t heard a thing. The tips of Mal's ears go red, and Alina is sure hers match. David, lost in his audiobook, is oblivious to all of it.

Nikolai clears his throat and turns to the two of them with a sheepish grin. "Sorry, mate. You're on your own."

The concierge slowly raises a finger and says, "We might be able to supply a cot?"

Alina can feel everyone's eyes on her, which is the last thing she ever wants. She has the strong desire to curl in on herself, but that only really works in the winter when she dons large coats and sweaters. But it’s summer, and she is in only a mustard yellow crop top and jean shorts, though she suddenly feels as exposed as if she were completely naked.

Mal takes one look at her and gently nudges his foot against hers. "I mean . . . I'm cool with sharing the bed if you are?"

Her brain is looking for anyway out of this whole conversation, so she nods.

So far, they have been in their room once to drop off their things and change into bathing suits, both of them dancing around the bed without ever touching it. The air in the room feels charged even with sunlight still pouring in. What would tonight be like?

More importantly, how was she supposed to handle sleeping beside him when she can’t even handle watching him in the pool?

Genya climbs on Mal’s shoulders for a game of chicken — David is, unsurprisingly, not in the pool, but sitting beside Alina on a lounge chair. She feels a pang of something like jealousy as she watches the game commence, which cannot be more ridiculous.

They can’t avoid the night forever, and it comes much too quickly despite how long they spend mingling at the resort bar. In their room, Mal lets Alina use the bathroom first. A kind offer, she thinks, until she realizes it leaves her to stake out a spot on the bed first. No more dancing.

Left side or right? Does Mal have a preference? Does she? How long until Mal finishes in the bathroom and comes out to see her staring at the bed like a mental person?

Right side, she chooses finally. She curls up on the left side of her body usually, so this way, she doesn’t have to face him as they sleep. Good call. As she untucks the covers from the bed, she secretly hopes to find something horrifying, like blood or bugs, so they can get a refund and leave. Sadly, it is a perfectly fine bed. Alina plops onto it and tucks herself in.

Mal finishes in the bathroom a few minutes later, and if he’s as rattled about their sleeping arrangement as she is, he does not show it. There’s plenty of space between them as he settles into bed. Maybe this won’t be as bad as she feared.

“Well, goodnight,” Mal says through a yawn.

“Goodnight,” Alina replies.

They each turn off their bedside lamps. Mal is softly snoring soon after, but Alina stays awake much too long for her liking, thinking of how close he is.

They fall into a similar routine for the next couple nights. During the day, all is fine. Their little group meshes well. Genya and Nikolai are often off together, both of them on a mission, it seems, to try every flavor of ice cream from Os Alta's ice cream bar. Or sometimes it’s Nikolai and Mal running off, joining a game of pool volleyball, both of them stupidly competitive. When Zoya gets annoyed with the overload of children at the waterpark, she joins David on one of the lounge chairs to read for a while — Zoya a smutty historical romance and David a nonfiction on modern space travel. We just shouldn't let Jeff Bezos come back, he argues to Genya later, while Zoya murmurs to Nikolai something she wants him to do to her that night.

Alina thanks the saints her room isn’t next to Zoya’s.

The trip is going so smoothly that she doesn’t realize what trouble Sunday brings with it. It’s always their favorite part of the trip: bottomless margarita night. They all have absolutely horrific, hilarious pictures and videos of themselves from the past three years thanks to bottomless margarita night at Os Alta. But the thought of being drunk like that while she’s sharing a bed with Mal?

Okay, so she just won’t drink tonight. Problem solved.

“You can’t not drink!” Zoya says, personally offended.

“Come on, it’s tradition!” Genya agrees.

But she’s determined to hold out. Only when she sees the others with their drinks, she decides one sip won’t hurt. One sip becomes one drink, and one drink becomes a couple. Soon enough, she’s drunk enough to sign herself up for karaoke, another Os Alta tradition.

“I dunno what I should siiiing,” she slurs, swaying lightly on her feet.

“I have the perfect song for you!” Genya cheers excitedly.

So that’s how she ends up on stage, drunk off her ass, horridly singing Taylor Swift’s We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. She really gets into it, jumping and nailing the talking parts a little too well. But she can hear Genya and Zoya screaming the lyrics along with her, and it only encourages her.

Genya records a Snapchat of her performance, snickering to Mal and David about how she’s going to accidentally send it to the asshole Alina dated last year who’s still entirely too obsessed with her.

Nikolai is the only one of the boys drunk enough to sign up, taking the stage after Alina to perform a disgustingly off-key version of Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now. They all agree that Freddie Mercury is rolling in his grave.

By the end of the night, the four of them are totally wasted. David, who had spent the night nursing one drink, his focus on getting Genya her drinks and ensuring that she didn’t trip over herself, has to help the aforementioned redhead up to their room. Nikolai and Zoya are a sight, both wickedly drunk, trying to help each other stay upright. Mal had only downed a couple drinks and is mostly sober, which Alina is very thankful for, as she can’t hold herself up to save her life. She nearly trips on absolutely nothing so many times that Mal finally scoops her into his arms, carrying her the rest of the way to the room. Alina giggles the whole way. 

There’s no getting ready for bed that night. Mal sets her on the bed, and she resigns to sleeping in her red summer dress. When Mal joins her after having a shower, drunk Alina has no qualms curling up against him and sniffing him.

“Mm, you smell good,” she hums.

Mal chuckles even as he tenses. Alina has her arm around him and her face pressed into his side. He’s not sure he can breathe. She’s too drunk to notice the blush on his face.

“That’s probably just because you smell like alcohol,” he hedges.

Alina giggles and shakes her head. “No, you always smell good.”

He doesn’t know what to do with this information, but he does a lot of thinking instead of sleeping as Alina passes out next to him.

Monday morning brings with it a pounding headache for Alina. She prepares for the bright sunlight streaming through the window, but the room is dark when she opens her eyes. Mal isn’t beside her, but he left aspirin and a glass of water on the nightstand in addition to pulling out the blackout curtains. She falls in love with him a little bit more. 

The day is a quiet one. The girls and Nikolai spend their time at the spa, Mal and David off doing saints know what. She gets the best massage of her life, and while her head still aches despite the pain pill, seeing Nikolai get his toenails painted bright red makes every sip she had last night worth it.

When they’re in the room again after dinner, tucking themselves into bed, Mal says, “You told me I smell good last night.”

Alina pauses. “I did?”

The night comes back to her. She totally told him he smelled good, and she had closed the space between them on the bed, curling up right next to him. She remembers all of it, suddenly and painfully.

“Oh, saints. Mal, I’m so sorry. I didn’t . . . I shouldn’t have—”

He cuts her off. “It’s okay, ‘Lina. You don’t have to apologize.”

“I don’t?”

Mal smiles an amused smile and leans over, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “No, you don’t. Not you. Never you.”

Alina is almost positive she can hear her heart pounding as Mal reaches for something tucked in the drawer of his nightstand.

“For you,” he says, handing her a long rectangular box. “Saw it today when I was out with David and I just— I thought of you.”

She can’t even process the image of Mal and David out shopping together, needing to open this damn box. With shaky fingers, she lifts the lid. Waiting for her inside is a dainty necklace with a gorgeous gold sun charm.

“Oh,” she says softly.

Mal blushes, and this time, Alina notices. “Do you like it?” he asks. “I just thought of you singing last night when I saw it. You’re so bright, Alina. All the time. Just like the sun.”

She has no idea what this confession means, or how she earned it from drunkenly telling him how good he smells — which his really quite good — but her heart has kicked into overdrive. She isn’t sure what, or how, but she knows something’s starting right now.

“I love it, Mal.” She turns so her back is facing him and hands over the necklace. “Will you help me put it on?”

He wraps the chain around her neck. The sun rests perfectly against her heart. She notices every little brush of his fingers against the back of her neck as Mal works the clasp.

When the necklace is secure, they both lay back down, noticeably closer this time. Not as close as last night, but close enough that their arms occasionally brush, close enough that she’ll end up kicking him during the night. Alina sleeps on her right side. 

Their trip might be ending tomorrow, but something better was beginning tonight.

[lesbianklance]

re: headcanon requests, how do you think klance would have confessed in canonverse ?

oooo ngl ive said this before but i shall do it again😌✌️

i am a bitch for slow burn so let's say it takes them forever

lance has been pining ever since the garrison and mistaken it for hate/jealousy

that goes on for a while he doesn't realise it's romantic feelings until one day

he says the most stupid joke, everyone is groaning but keith just starts laughing really intensely

there are tears dripping from his eyes and he sounds like he is close to not breathing

it's beautiful

from that day on he keeps trying to make keith laugh, he makes it his life long mission, he has to hear that again

and that's how he has his oh moment

I'd say that's around season 3 or smth

for keith i believe it was more gradual

he was aware lance was attractive but only that at the begining

when the bonding moment happened he thought that maybe it was their chance to finally start getting along and become friends

however lance later ruined it by not remembering

keith didn't blame him, he didn't, he was really beat up that day it made sense

but it still hurt

then they slowly became friends and he started relying on him

around s3 he became his rock and impulse control

when shiro came back and he could finally breathe and think about stuff he realised how much their relationship changed

now when thinking about the paladins he thought about lance seperately because of their strong bond

he kind of panicked and ignored the subject

until later on when it punched him in the face

when he saw lance again after coming back from the blade (my version of vld where s6-8 does not exist lmao) he realised how much he missed him

felt the butterflies in his stomach and slowly realised that his feelings for lance were no longer just friendly

okay so i got very far away from the topic but i wanted to establish that first

after they've both realised their feelings for each other they're both kind of putting them aside because they're in the middle of a war and it's not appropriate to do anything

plus they're scared of rejection (lance) or what would happen if they got rejected and lost the other (keith)

hence neither plans on confessing

until one day when keith gets hurt protecting lance

yes we are going cheesy basic shit here

they were in a very simple mission lance was doing his job as a sniper when he didnt notice a sentrie going at him due to paying more attention to the others

keith did notice however and pushed lance out of the way resulting into him getting hurt instead

lance keeps bugging him why he did that and panicking but keith is smiling because lance is okay

he carries him to the med bay and waits for him until he gets out of the pod

the next few days are kind of tense because lance is grateful for keith saving but he's still pissed because damn it he should have been better

so he keeps training because it's his fault that keith got hurt on his watch (in his head obviously)

keith obviously notices because he is usually the one more in the training room

one day he asks him to spar and lance reluctantly agrees

they keep sparring until keith wins pushing lance up against a wall with his sword in lance's throat

"Why are you spending all your time in the training room?"

"I don't know what you're talking about I'm here as much as everyone else"

"No you're not ever since the last mission -"

"Don't"

"Lance it wasn't your fault" and he touches his cheek

Lance pushes him off him and yells

"Of course it was. I am the sniper I am supposed to be protecting you but you got hurt because I was too stupid to notice that sentrie"

"You are the best sharpshooter we could have. We're lucky to have you. You were busy protecting us you didn't watch out for yourself. Take care of yourself Lance please."

"Yeah I get it I'll be better team leader"

"No Lance that's not what I'm saying"

"No I get it you don't trust the seventh wheel. I wouldn't either" and he starts to walk away

at this point keith has had it and yells

"No. Don't you get it? I love you too much to see you putting our lives above yours."

and walks away

lance is shocked keith loves him? he meant platonically right?

a few days pass and everything is kind of awkward

keith is panicking because he thinks lance is rejecting him gently by not mentioning it

one day lance is done overthinking it and just barges in keith's room

"Hey have you heard of knocking?"

"We need to talk"

"Sure what is it? Is it about a mission?"

"Did you mean it?"

"Did i mean what?"

"Don't play dumb with me you know what I'm talking about. Did you mean it?"

"Yeah I meant it"

keith is about to start backtracking but he sees that he cant because something is blocking his lips

lance is kissing him

he of course kisses back

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this for" lance says when they pull back

"Yeah me too"

and he pulls him back in another kiss

[rosesgonerogue]

Finding Each Other (Again)

Chapter One

Masterlist

“Make way guys, out of the way!” Dick bellowed from the entrance of the batcave. “Alfred, we need you!” 

Marinette, jostled in his arms with every step, tried to liberate herself from her brother-in-law’s iron grip. “Calm down, I’m fine.” 

“No offense bug, but I just watched you get crushed by a steel beam. Alfred is checking you over.” 

“Tikki, spots,” Marinette said, as he deposited her on a cot. “See, not a bruise on me. I only jumped in to save that kid because I knew I would be fine. I’ve been eaten by a t-rex before, I was perfectly safe.” 

“You what?” Damian demanded darkly. 

“Dames! How was your patrol?” Marinette asked, grinning at the sight of her husband. 

“What just happened to you on patrol?” Damian demanded. 

“Dick is overreacting. I know it can be kind of… unsettling to see things like that, but the Miraculous suits are nearly indestructible. Only another Miraculous or some type of magic could hurt me while I’m suited up.” 

She leaned in to kiss Damian’s cheek, but his face was stone. 

“Are any of those Miraculous things up for grabs?” Jason asked, pulling off his helmet.

“Not for you,” Marinette scoffed. “And don’t worry, Dames. Dick is overreacting, the beam barely made contact with me. I was just making sure it fell safely.’ 

“Hold up, hold up,” Tim said, actually turning away from the computer. “You redirected a steel beam? Just with your strength alone? How strong does your suit make you?” 

“I haven’t actually ever tested it, that could be interesting,” Marinette contemplated, handing Tikki a cookie. “But I’m stronger than I was when I first started out as Ladybug.” 

“Part of it is because you’ve worked with me for so long - we’ve grown together. But you’re stronger than any other Miraculous use can be because you’re also the Guardian,” Tikki said. “Alfred, these cookies are amazing.” 

While Alfred began examining Marinette, he chattered with Tikki about his baking methods. Dick was telling an overly dramatized version of the night’s events while Tim theorized exactly what Marinette could be capable of. All that was missing was the last few members of the family, all occupied with their own business. Marinette leaned back on the examination table, content with the daily she’d married into. 

“-and if she were facing a metahuman with enhanced strength-”

“Drake, will you do us all a favor and shut your idiotic mouth?” Damian snapped, his voice dripping with acid. 

“That was out of line,” Marinette said, straightening up. “He’s just having fun, Damian.” 

“Just having fun? Were you just having fun when you threw yourself under a steel beam today? Or how about last week, when Killer Croc almost ripped off your leg?” Damian spat. “Oh, and the week before when your heart literally stopped because you stepped in front of Mr. Freeze?”

“Whoa, whoa, hang on,” Marinette said, standing to really face her husband. “That’s uncalled for, Dames. What’s with all of the hostility?”

“What’s with all of the hostility? Every week I have to see or hear about some way my wife almost died. You have absolutely no sense of self-preservation and that makes the rest of us worry about you, which makes you a liability.” 

“Excuse me?” she demanded, uncaring of the awkward silence between the rest of the family. “A liability? I know exactly what I am capable of, Damian Wayne. In case you forgot, I had a life and a hero career before you. Long before you.” 

“But this isn’t magical butterflies, Marinette, this is the real world!” Damian shouted, ripping off his domino mask. “People die here, and we don’t all have a Miraculous to save our asses. You rely on Tikki, but how do you know she won’t fail, or time out too early? Without her you’d be dead.” 

Marinette’s eyes were wide and burning with rage, but Tikki was the first to speak, her tiny body radiating with fury. 

“You have no idea what Marinette has gone through to get here. She is the most capable Ladybug and Guardian that I’ve ever seen, and that means more than you’ll ever know.” 

Looking back at his wife, Damian could see more hurt than anger in her eyes. He felt a pang now that his panic from hearing Dick’s story had died down, but it was too late. When he should have expressed concern and care for his wife, he’d let anger take over. A firm stubbornness rose in him, and when his wife’s eyes met his, he levelled his gaze at her, unwilling to take his words back. 

Glaring at him, when she spoke Marinette’s voice was thick with unshed tears. “Well, I formally apologize for the liability I’ve been all this time. If you’ll excuse me, I have commissions to work on.”

She shoved past him, leaving the silent Wayne clan behind. Her back was straight and her stride was measured - none of them could have guessed that silent, angry tears ran down her cheeks. Outside the weather was terrible, the wind howling through Gotham’s streets. 

Walking silently for blocks, Tikki flitted around her nervously, using the terrible weather as a cover - not that there was anyone really on the streets to notice her. Finally the two ducked into an alley where Marinette collapsed against a brick wall. 

“He’s wrong, Marinette,” she finally said indignantly. “Damian’s worried for you, but he also has no idea what it takes to hold a Miraculous.” 

“Am I just a liability, Tikki?” Marinette asked, running a hand through her hair. “Am I just making things worse for the entire family?” 

“Marinette, no! You’ve saved them plenty of times, and don’t you dare wonder if I’m what makes you special. We’ve been together for so long because you’re special,” Tikki said firmly. 

The Guardian sniffed, sagging a little. “Thanks, Tikki. I guess I really should go work on those commissions like I said I would, which means I need to go home.” 

“Only after you’ve eaten the rest of Damian’s favorite ice cream,” the kwami said. 

“After all of the morality speeches you gave me in Paris, I had no idea you had this mischievous streak in you. I think Plagg is finally rubbing off on you after all of these centuries.” 

Tikki smiled. “Only when someone hurts my Ladybug.”

Smiling faintly herself, Marinette pushed herself up while Tikki situated herself in Marinette’s purse. Talking to Damian wouldn’t be fun, but they would figure things out - they always did. Besides, they only fought because her husband was worried for her wellbeing. So, Marinette made her way towards their home, one of the safest neighborhoods in all of Gotham. She could almost see the old Colonial-style house when they saw a woman standing on the sidewalk. 

She was just standing there under the streetlamp, the light emphasizing how angular her features were, if not exaggerating them. With the way the woman stared at Marinette, it was clear that she would speak to them, and there was really no way to get home without crossing the woman’s path. As much as she didn’t want to, Marinette decided to bite the bullet and speak first. “Excuse me, Madame, can I help you?”

Nothing in her posture changed, but glittering eyes assessed Marinette critically. “So you’re the little French fashion designer? I can’t say I’m impressed. I always had much… higher aims for my son.”

With those words Marinette felt her blood freeze in her veins. So this was Talia al Ghul. She’d heard stories of the woman, but she always hoped not to become involved with her at all. 

She couldn’t back down. Marinette met her mother-in-law’s eyes without flinching, hand snaking to her back pocket for her phone. 

“Don’t try it, little girl. You and I are going to play a game. It’s called ‘how much does Damian love you?’”

“It’s tempting, but I think I need to pass,” Marinette said. 

At that, Marinette viciously kicked forward, hitting Talia right in the knee. She didn’t try to watch the result, sprinting forward with all of her energy - she only had to make it to-

There was a sharp prick in the back of her neck, and Marinette felt her legs give out from underneath her. She heard Talia limping over. 

“Maybe you’re not completely hopeless, but you were never going to win this. Now let me explain the rules of the game to you.” 

Marinette wanted to protest, to scream until someone came, but she couldn’t even prop herself up on her arms. Even more alarmingly, black was slowly overtaking her vision. 

“Dear little Damian has a month to find you. If he doesn’t, I get to kill you and use it as a means to get the information I need. Now sleep well, darling. You’ll need it.” 

Taglist: 

@tbehartoo @kris-pines04 @thesunanditsangel @constancetruggle @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @rosalineandrosemary @novicevoice @momothefemur  @theymakeupfairies

Note: Hey guys, I know it’s been FOREVER since I posted anything. I just finished my first semester of grad school, and it was a bit overwhelming to say the least. Oh, I also have a boyfriend now. That’s new, and he does tend to take up some time. But I’m not abandoning my other stories, I just wanted to try something a little different. Long term this is going to be cute, and it’s going to have some hurt/comfort vibes. I know this is really different from what I usually write, so tell me what y’all think. The taglist is open if anyone wants to be added, just leave a comment below and ask to be tagged!