#remember you're valid

[sp-growingpains]

It's been a long time coming but...the support system I have in my life helped me come to an important conclusion about myself.

I've been experimenting with being gender fluid. I really like the idea of being called she/her and he/him. I've also been socially experimenting with my name being changed to Ashe.

[privateolives]

This is probably because I grew up watching 24/7 animal planet, but what finally made the allo/aplatonic thing click for me were the nature's of big cats.

Lions are powerful, regal creatures who are uniquely adapted to pack life. They need these connections to live a healthy life; A lonely lion is a miserable creature indeed.

Jaguars are solitary, beautiful creatures who live happily solitary. They prowl their lush world with self-sufficient majesty. A jaguar is not lonely without a pack. In fact, forcing jaguars to share space with others they do not enjoy is just as damaging as forcing a lion to live alone.

A lion may choose to head out on it's own for the most part, but in the end must return to the pack to thrive. A jaguar can choose to trust and enjoy the company of others, but they never feel the need to form a pack.

Is a jaguar selfish for this? A psychopath, a narcissist or any other such horrid assumptions? Is it a less moral creature than a lion, who seeks others like it to thrive?

Is a lion pathetic, or needy, or selfish for wanting community? For requiring contact with others like they require water? For their inherent need to string complicated webs of relationships that may seem silly or dramatic to others?

Of course not. These are ridiculous questions to even ask.

They are simply lions and jaguars.

In fact, is a jaguar that chooses to spend time with you not as magical as a lion's love? For a creature that needs no bond to thrive to still enjoy your presence enough to share it a time? Is a lion who can prowl the night alone not impressive in its strength and resilience? Is it not awe-inspiring in its ability to conquer a life it was never wired for and reign still?

Are they not both beautiful and awe-inspiring in their own ways, without being wrong?

Alloplatonics. Aplatonics. Are we not both special and beautiful in both our bonds and self-confident happiness equal, in each our ways? Is there not unique beauty in lifelong bonded packs and magical encounters that need no perpetuity to carry life forward?

Are we not but lions and jaguars? Neither wrong, neither selfish, but just different and beautiful creatures in each our ways?

That's how I've come to see it, anyway.

[anxiousapplepie]

Regarding F!Odile being a little shit and providing Too Many Potatoes: do you think, since the Cooks don't fight, that C!Siffrin's bits of availability to attack or heal have a Random chance of them figuring out how to make an ACTUAL potato bomb and throwing it at the King?

T!Mira doesn't even realize it's a thing until she does all of the side quests, and C!Sif is so fed up with F!Odile's shit that he whips up a potato bomb and chucks it at the King about halfway through the fight. Makes her laugh really hard and everyone else can't help but follow suit. So say there's like a 20% chance of it happening and it only happens if all the friend quests are done. Which means it isn't very predictable, and every time it happens its extremely entertaining for all of them.

I see absolutely no reason why C!Siffrin and the gang can't get a potato bomb to throw at the King. Honestly the funniest stunt C!Siffrin could do! also implies that Sif was carrying a bag of potatoes throughout the House??? So when the gang collect all the bomb parts, Siffrin sidles up like "lemme make one adjustment" and powers it with wishcraft and potatoes. But only sometimes! As all good Siffrin events need to be randomized and unlikely, to make things more interesting Put it this way! It would be very funny and I am here for the sheer ludicrousness of the King being blasted by smoking potatoes XD And it would instantly boost the morale of everybody in the room

[utilitycaster]

I truly have no patience for "criticizing a creative choice is disrespectful" as a statement. If you can't tell the difference between sending hate or harassing creators/fans, vs. saying "I didn't like this and here's why" you are an idiot. And on the flip side if you're a creator and someone says "I didn't like this" without any sort of personal attacks or hate involved, simply on the basis of critique and personal preference, and that makes you feel bad enough to stop creating then maybe you should step back and either get offline or make room for someone who has an actual creative vision that isn't "I want everyone to like me."

[stars-self-ships]

💖 Hey, you! 💖

Your F/O wanted me to relay some words of love and affirmations to you! They wanted you to know...

You are worthy of love and belonging.

You do not need to 'earn' rest.

Everything you do, whether it's big or small, has a purpose.

You are more talented than you lead yourself on.

You deserve to take pride in what you create and do.

You have such a wonderful smile, and you really should smile more often.

It is okay to be sensitive. It is okay to not be okay. It is okay to cry.

You are strong. Whatever you are going through, you can pull through. You always have.

Take deep breaths. Drink some water. Get something to eat if you need it.

You are loved more than you could ever fathom.

And honestly... I couldn't agree with them more! 💖💖💖

[cementcornfield]

Draft Thoughts

okay, a week (and a day) out from the draft and i feel like rambling about it. this is only my second year paying attention in the offseason so, you know, grain of salt!

so the conventional wisdom is that you should always draft players, not positions. you shouldn't corner yourself into having to reach for a player that isn't as good because you need that position, versus getting an amazing player at a position that would just be a luxury (for example, if somehow jeanty falls to us at 17 and we don't grab him because we want a guard or something).

perhaps someone should tell the bengals that though, or, maybe they have and the katie and duke just rolled their eyes are assured whoever told them that actually they are MUCH smarter than you, we know what we're doing (not spending enough in FA and then having to draft for need thus practically guaranteeing reaching/taking risky picks) and then they wonder why their drafts go so poorly 🙃

but what's fun about this year is we have SO MANY needs that in a way, we /can/ draft best player available because more than likely, we need whatever position that player is (unless they're a QB or WR lol). so maybe it /does/ work out this time?? that's my glass half full take at least!!

here are some scenarios i'd be happy with:

R1 pick 17: i want us to start with a DT. we need interior pass rush because we have NOTHING right now. literally nothing. and some people don't think it's a need because last year we drafted both jenkins and jackson, and paid BJ and TJ this offseason. which is fair, BUT those are all run blockers/stuffers. they stop the run, they're all either bad to terrible at affecting the passer in anyway. (plus, it's not like the new DC drafted jenkins and jackson last year, maybe he wants to get his own guy??) and if we want a true game changer on our defense, i think it starts here. more pass rush means less time for lamar/patrick/josh/jayden to just hang around the pocket for years while our DBs eventually lose their coverage battles (because who can cover for 12 fucking seconds??). and if we want that game changer, i think we need to do it in the first round, second round at the absolute latest. while it IS a deep DT class, there aren't a lot of pass rushing game wreckers that will last that long.

i'd be happy with either walter nolen or derrick harmon here. leaning slightly towards nolen. both aren't perfect (nolen went to a few different high schools/colleges which is a bit of a red flag, but his explanations check out to me. while harmon is big and disruptive but isn't the best tackler).

and honestly that seems to be what all the whisperings from my beat guys indicate?? almost every prediction the last few weeks has been that we'll grab one of them, and these guys all have their ears to the ground at paycor 👀

however, i also wouldn't be at all mad (in fact i'd be thrilled) if we got a premium guard at 17 like kelvin banks. or one of the top safeties - starks or emmanwori just because that's also a position of need, and pretty top heavy (but i feel like we can still get a decent safety later on). i've also heard people wanting edge here but tbh i don't like any of the edge guys projected for R1 and there's good depth here. plus trey IS coming back (i KNOW IT), and while i don't have the most faith in myles, i can allow myself to believe his brother on twitter that Actually he'll be good this year (lol). and joseph ossai is someone i've always thought was better than how lou used him!

R2 pick 49: this is where i want us to get a guard. and i'm so serious if we wait past this round i'm losing my fucking mind on here in front of all of you (not that i haven't done this before!) we've been meeting with a lot of guards that are projected to go in this round, so it seems like the bengals are on the same page. a few guys who could apparently start day 1 that i like: jonah savaiinaea, donovan jackson, and tate rateledge. all of them are strong in pass protection (and decent at least against the run) which, is obviously what we need for a QB like joe. savaiinea and jackson have position versatility in that they could also potentially play tackle for us if needed. rateledge might be able to do that too, but he's only got experience at guard so it wouldn't be as seamless as the other two. but what he DOES have in his favor is that he played right next to amarius at georgia for a few years, so that chemistry is already established which could be huge. (he also has a beautiful mullet). i'd be happy with any of these guys if they fall to us, leaning tate rateledge if only for the vibes, but again, satisfied with any of them.

if however we get a guard like banks in the first round, then this is where i feel like we'd need to grab the best pass rusher available, which, if the board falls our way, could be TJ Sanders. great college production, versatile, but just not quite as polished as the two i like in the first round.

as for R3-R6 (keep in mind that, at this time, unless we somehow wrangle up a decent trade back, we don't have a 7th round pick 🥲) i'm less picky. especially because i can't really know what i want here until we see R1-R2. but i'll be feeling so much better if we nail that interior pass rush and pass protection. then i feel like we honestly could be free to just do best defensive player available. we definitely need safety help. we definitely need linebacker help. those positions are typically drafted in this range. and while they probably wouldn't be instant starters, we should be able to find at least some higher floor rotational guys.

i will say that paul dehner has convinced me i want a runningback in round 5. apparently that's the sweet spot for a loaded RB class this year, so i 'll take one! i haven't done any research on individuals though, but like, RB has one of the highest rookie year success rates. i'm sure we can find someone to be RB2 between chase and samaje (who. bless his heart. i love him. but he's gotta be RB3).

if y'all wanna do some more research in the upcoming week, i HIGHLY recommend this spreadsheet made by joe goodberry and a few other guys. a lot of great data in there and he's got great further analysis on his twitter/youtube channel.

you could also keep an eye on the locked on bengals guys (on youtube and twitter) and paul dehner's youtube channel and his draft series in the athletic. they've got good analysis too AND 100% have sources on the inside because they have gotten very very good at predicting who the bengals are going for (nailed mims last year, and thus /i/ nailed mims last year 🔥)

would love to hear all of your thoughts too if you wanna share!

[loustyles]

Some photos of Liam at the 2013 1D concert in Perth I went to, taken by my best friend at the time. I'm so fortunate I was able to see 1D the handful of times they came to my country while together. I have been a fan since xfactor and they mean more to me than I think I could ever express. I have travelled the world and met so many amazing people and persevered through horrible life events thanks to this band. When I was 15 I was in a really dark period and One Direction were quite literally my only light. If it weren't for Liam there would be no One Direction and if it weren't for One Direction, I would not be here. I truly do not know how to comprehend that part of my light is gone but I do know that I am so grateful to have had him and this community for half of my life. I hope you rest easy, Liam, and I hope you somehow feel the importance of your life even in death. I'm so sorry. I will miss you deeply.

[friday-is-unfunny]

I just found out about a subreddit called r/actualasexuals where the whole thing is being a dick to people who don't fit their narrow definition of asexuality. I just wanted to let people know so they can stay away. Of course, don't harass anyone in that sub, because it doesn't help and it's just plain wrong. Just do everything in your power to stay the hell away!

[okitanoniisan]

no one can reach my level of petty hating about the stupid english title

[pencilofawesomeness]

Guys I'm having such a bizarre moment. I didn't expect to win like this, or to have my personal headcanons be confirmed so directly, but I also feel simultaneously robbed because Akutami is reaching into my head /jk

We received so little about Sukuna, but those brief brief brieeef moments of existentialism really caught me and I've thought about him for so long because of it. He was a fantastically terrifying villain, but there was always that dissonance there, between some of his words and actions, that portrayed that aimless longing and hurt and what that meant as a characterization point, and I'm honestly so hyped we turn around and get this in 271:

(scanlation for this panel because I think it gets the sentiment across better)

Followed by

I'm—

Y'all I started my draft for my Sukuna Reincarnation AU months ago and I never expected canon to validate me. They leave it easier and more open-ended, of course, but I'm coming on the record to say I wasn't crazy for my stretch of a character exploration and also I called it.

I won't go into the specifics of my "study Sukuna like a cockroach" notes now I just wanted to come grab the mic and announce that I beat Akutami to it >:D /lh

I'm being a good noodle and not stretching myself thin by starting a new multichap now, but I've had With the Storm in the works since January, and in light of the end of JJK and this lovely little tidbit, I'm tossing a sneak-peak from Chapter 7 because why not:

But maybe it could be. Maybe, just maybe, Uraume could accept this proffered hand and continue to hope.

---

Yet… things were different now. Things changed. Uraume changed, Sukuna changed, and even though they were still themselves, there was a myriad of shifts that piled on their shoulders until something gave way. Maybe a subconscious part of Uraume had braced for that to be a crash, but instead, Sukuna had been nothing but accepting and open. It only made them more nervous about losing him, just as they feared losing Pops. Uraume was not used to wanting, or hoping, but there was a powerful need in their chest that childishly demanded that they should get to keep both their kinder father and this happier Sukuna close, even if that may not be possible.

They nodded, not trusting their words at the moment, and Sukuna relaxed slightly.

“Good. Though that reminds me… You never really answered my first question. What do you want to do? With this life, I mean.”

There was that want again. Uraume felt the pull at their lungs until it was unbearable. They knew what he was asking; the question didn’t hinge on his involvement anymore, just them. Sukuna said he wanted to live peacefully, so what, then, was Uraume’s answer?

As much as they felt like a coward saying this, maybe that was okay. Sukuna felt the same way, after all. “I like this life too…” Uraume answered, and it was very different saying those words aloud. “Pops isn’t a shaman at all, and he’s good company and a good father. If I wasn’t able to find you, or you were not of this world, then… I would stay as his family.”

“That’s good,” Sukuna agreed, lifting yet another anxious weight from their chest. “I get that. Nobody else in my family are shamans either—at least, not really—and they’re all good people. It’s a good life, and even though I would have never expected it… I don’t want to lose it.”

It was amazing how similar they were, then and now. Uraume…really shouldn’t have worried about a lack of understanding. Sukuna didn’t have to say it, but it was clear that their thoughts had wandered down a similar road yet again. Their families, full of normal people living normal lives, were an unexpected treasure; to willingly become a monster, to become a scourge upon the world for whatever reason, would forfeit that. More than that, having people to care about made the desire to spread destruction lessen, rather significantly. Maybe that hurt and rage and bitterness was still there, in between their ribs, but in the ones that were dead and buried—a part of them, but also not quite there anymore, like when a scar ceases to constantly itch and ache and becomes only a mark on functioning skin.

They didn’t have to be monsters anymore. There were calmer, kinder things available to want—available to receive, even.

“This is so weird,” Uraume blurted, staring at their small hands and thinking of the strange miracle their lives turned into.

Sukuna barked a quick laugh before it was muffled into something like a snicker. “I know, right?” He leaned back in a stretch, his face catching the sun and lighting him in something that wasn’t a fire, but equally bright. “It’s not bad though.”

It was weird, to be a child, to be without some far-off goal, to be loved and happy, in the sense that it was absurd and foreign and absolutely unexpected. It was a breath of fresh air after years and years of having frozen lungs. Weird, surprising, but unmistakably good after so long of believing that no such term, deceptively simple, could have ever been applicable.

“Not bad at all,” Uraume agreed, a bright and blooming thing in their chest as their life began to slot into a new place. Still open-ended and perhaps a little terrifying for it, but Pops accepted them, and Sukuna accepted them, so maybe they could truly accept themself now, and whatever that will look like.

[radiomogai]

excuse me, you recently related a post with a tag asking if people remembered when people cared about recoining things and I’ve been thinking about it and I’m wondering if you meant that caring about recoining was good or bad?

We dislike re-coining. I don't have the spoons to explain the full part of it, but it mostly comes down to our more general criticisms of the extent of individualism in the MOGAI community (recoins, especially when they are of terms that have already been coined many times, often feel as though they are disregarding the contributions of other coiners, as well as ignoring the community symbol purpose of flags) and it feels disrespectful to the work of archivists. Every time we see another gender related to the song I/Me/Myself by Will Wood and nothing else, we feel like our work and our efforts in not only preventing terms from being lost as well as making them so easy to search for is, uh. Pointless. Not valued. We've spoken about this with some other archivists who have said they feel the same.

There are five (5) genders related to that song on our blog alone, by the way, and that's only counting the ones that have no other specifications. There are also five (5) related to the album Everything Is A Lot, and four (4) related to the song Thermodynamic Lawyer, and four (4) related to The Normal Album. Again, this is only counting ones without any other specifications, and are only the ones posted on our blog. This is a regular thing.

[daily-spinner]

Chapter 295: Tenacious

[serpentinegraphite]

...re: your tags on the WFA Jason crowbar incident -- might one be directed to your referenced essay?

Since it's been a min, here's the DC meta post this ask is referencing.

I thought it was on my blog, but I haven't been able to find the essay in the weeks since this ask came in? It might have been a tag rant more than the proper essay I thought I had posted. Or I might have been thinking of a broader and more general essay on the current trauma in fanfic portrayal, which I have definitely posted on this blog somewhere and in several friends' inboxes.

The gist of the essay is that a) fandom as a whole has a tendency to treat panic attacks/flashbacks as the Only and Right Way to experience trauma, even though that's by far not universal and b) will apply this even to characters who have canon trauma and show specific trauma reactions!

With Jason Todd in WFA having a Crowbar Sound Flashback, it's a perfect microcosm of both! The problem, therefore, isn't necessarily WFA being Uniquely Terrible and Inaccurate; WFA just exclusively plays with a lot of softball, fandom-popular tropes, so it remains popular even and especially with people who aren't super familiar with the canon. And because WFA thrives on softball, popular tropes, of course it's going to pick up on the Best Way To Write Trauma.

The essence of the problem is actually the way trauma symptoms in fanfic are homogenized to the most palatable, most sympathetic reaction guaranteed to woobify even the most hardened crime lords and war criminals: a panic attack. But not ANY panic attack! Specifically the hyperventilating on the floor, curled up in a ball kind of panic attacks! (Characters who lash out in anger when they're scared? Characters who shout mean things? Not anymore! Now they're hyperventilating on the floor and they need tender care and possibly a hug.) The momentary full helplessness is integral to creating a miniature h/c journey for the characters (panic –> helplessness –> rescue –> bonding).

Panic attacks actually have a pretty wide range of symptoms! Sometimes they're focused more on derealization reactions or heart racing (loads of people irl end up in the ER thinking they're having a heart attack, when it's actually a panic attack).

This specific portrayal of trauma as panic attacks is, I think, most egregious with characters who would actually fucking die if they had this exact trauma response. E.g., Jason Todd, who infamously both commits crimes and fights them. If he has a panic attack at every scum bag who waves a crow bar at him, he's probably getting beaten to death with a crowbar again. If even one of his regular criminal contacts or enemies catches wind that he has a crowbar panic attack weakness, he's dead! And this could be played for drama in this kind of fanfic, but it never is. (Because drama isn't the point, quick and dirty h/c is.)

Distilling his trauma about dying into panic attacks dismisses his entire history and canon trauma response (rage and vengeance and trying a completely different tactic from Batman to better the city of Gotham when the Red Hood is being a good guy and not just being a crime lord for profit). Here is a solid discussion on how Jason reacts to his own death (I'm new here and this essay is already long lol, I'm not citing whole comics runs or anything myself), with a great addendum from Ragnarok-hound in the tags on the Doylist reasons for why the canon goes over Jason's death again and again anyway.

The problem further stems from everyone learning panic attack symptoms from a combination of personal experience (which for the AO3 crowd in the shippy tags does not as often include people with uh combat or crime experience) and actual mental health web resources, so any panic attack scene reads like it was written by someone between high school and college age checking off a list of psych textbook panic attack symptoms. So it makes sense why they would go with the thing that is easiest to write for them and stick with the approved symptoms they know will garner the most sympathy from the audience and, importantly, other characters in the scene. E.g., to return to bullying WFA's portrayal, having Bruce arrive to tell Jason everything will be okay and fix everything.

(I think ymmv more on Bruce portrayals, depending on Your Preferred Batman, whether that's the corresponding era of comics with Red Hood, the animated series, or some campy/classic live action Batman portrayal, but one thing that is pretty consistent in every Batman media is that he's not fucking great at feelings, so even with a generous reading, WFA simplifies a lot of fraught history between Jason and Bruce here. Further, I could write an entire second essay on how bystanders in fanfic always have the perfect response, to either use the right therapy speak and handle a panic attack perfectly or hug the person to help them calm down or what have you, but this is long enough as it is. To be brief, though: sometimes, especially in a situation like Jason and Bruce's, it's perfectly normal to see someone panicking and then also panic and fuck things up even worse! It's also common to feel frustrated or tired of seeing someone panic over the same thing! Like I know fanfic and WFA are wish fulfillment, but like. There's a lot of nuance and basic trauma understanding missing here.)

And that brings us to another point, which is that PTSD triggers don't necessarily manifest as anxiety disorders and textbook panic attacks. I mean, this feels obvious, but there are a lot of ways to experience PTSD! and that's the thing about Jason Todd! He has trauma, not an anxiety disorder! While panic attacks as the default and most common trauma reaction are very common in fanfic, it's not like even the top most common trauma trigger reaction? And it's weird that it's everywhere like this. Trigger responses have a wiiiiide range, e.g., nightmares, lashing out (the Netflix Jessica Jones show was especially good at this actually! Billy Hargrove on Stranger Things is a fucking perfect example too), dissociation (The Raven Cycle books do a great job with this, and then the fanfic forgets that it happened entirely), or simply activating one's fight or flight instinct (and we've seen with Jason, it's often a fight instinct!). There are probably also loads of Batman comics exemplifying each of these variations, but a) as stated I'm new here, I don't have comprehensive citations for every character (yet) and b) I really want to illustrate how fanfic specifically keeps sticking to one particular portrayal in a way that most canons don't.

Jason Todd can be easily written as having a Specific Traumatic Incident (dying hideously via crowbar) or having complex PTSD (little daily bullshit! you can do an entire deep dive on complex PTSD resulting from poverty, homelessness, and regular repeated exposure to violence as a child e.g. by being Robin, which is not even getting into the stuff you can gather from popular hc/later retcons about his mom's drug use or how his dad's working for Two Face and getting sent to prison might have affected him; another example it's a common hc that he's straight edge because of what drugs may or may not have done to his mom depending on the canon you're working with, but I don't see a lot of people writing him with the corresponding control issues that often pair with that). There are a lot of options is what I'm saying.

WFA choosing to double down on the sound of a crowbar scraping (when also like he's the one using a crowbar for actual mechanic things in this scene, he's probably used to a variety of metal scraping sounds, okay I'm nitpicking here again) over any of the more complex trauma under his belt is very lazy writing. They're distilling his entire history to one specific sound that causes a very targeted panic response, which I know. Is the format. That's how WFA works, it's not supposed to be deep, but this is again, a pattern I keep seeing again and again in fanfiction (to bully another fandom: Stranger Things fans insisting that Steve Harrington is afraid of his own swimming pool when the canon strongly contradicts that; he's swim team captain for 3 years running after this AND that's actually Nancy's trauma reaction, not Steve's).

Again, the problem isn't necessarily specifically with WFA or people who enjoy it or with h/c. But, yeah, the crowbar scraping sounds panic attack is a huge disservice to Jason's character, and it's like a ubiquitous pattern of writing trauma in recent years.

[typemoonconfessions]

[inertia-m]

Watched "Badhaai Do" today. I should've watched this in theatres ahhhh. Great characters. Good direction. Amazing Cast. Chill Soundtrack. An Indian Queer Movie that melted my heart. I feel so warm rn (maybe the climate is contributing to this as well) I don't know how many queer people in India get their fairytale ending (probably not many). But I hope every queer person stays happy and hopeful. This movie was one of the best things i've seen in a while. I laughed, cried and vibed :)

[markantonys]

narishma is rand's son but i learned today that he's actually older than rand (by 1 year). shaken to my core.