#restarting the cycle
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Constantly caught in a tug-of-war between indulgent presence and running away from my own life
#i feel like a walking contradiction (an improvement my from my autofill tag of feeling like a walking corpse. but still)#no matter how much i learn and grow i keep trying to get away from myself#like knowing things never helps me bc i wont take my own advice#and this manifests by constantly procrastinating b4 scrambling to make progress only to bury myself in shame bc of it.#restarting the cycle#and what grounds me 2 myself is speaking to another person. but the ppl in my realspace think of me divorced from my identity#and any outward expression of myself vivisects me 15 different ways*#and then I'll bury myself alive till its time to give or output#and in this spiraling recursion i fail to grasp a concept of a future for myself. its a close minded misery#tldr: a deterministic fear dominates my life#*i have 15 sideblogs but only 12 active ones. any sense of presentation i have only shows bc i flatten myself
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Remember how Miss Pauling said she'd spent her whole life to help the administrator....
She didn't even know what she was helping with, but she wanted to be by her side, until she learned how deeply personal and self destructive the whole thing was... and in the end there never was going to be a 'place' set for her :^(
I'm so sorry Flo 😭
#tf2#team fortress 2#miss pauling#flo pauling#hell yeah full name time#I know she grieved real bad after all this#well i mean duh that was... a lot#and she was tempted to restart that cycle too#i was sad to not see her at the party at the end of the comic :^(((#that found fam saved all those mercs from the cycle and not seeing P there was harddd#comic seven my beloved#you were not what i expected but i was so glad for you
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im not a huge traditional a/b/o writer so I don't have an entire fic idea for this but my brain keeps getting stuck on the idea of unpresented steve volunteering to take care of an orphaned baby during the quarantine, since there's too many kids and not enough adult omegas
alpha eddie, technically released but tentatively on temporary house arrest, ends up at the harrington house. with nothing much to do, eddie steps in as co parent and moral support for steve, helping the frazzled beta adjust to the reality of parenthood
and one day steve wakes up as an omega. no presentation heat, no desperate need to get bred, even though his new tits ache and leak. a little pain and his period eventually comes, sure, but it's not anywhere approaching typical. eddie watches the baby as steve goes to the fed doctors in a flurry, worried he's, like, dying or something--
stifling a smile, the doctor tells steve that his body accepted that he already had a pup and a mate, and decided no presentation heat was needed. otherwise he's perfectly healthy, and his heats should come back when he's done breastfeeding like any other omega mother's.
steve leaves, embarrassed and horny, having no idea how he's going to tell eddie that steve's hormones have decided he's the father of steve's kids, or why a medical explanation has him so turned on he can barely see straight
#shut up az#steddie#Steve makes it about 15 minutes into the baby's next nap before he's riding his baby daddy#Steve's first heat doesn't come until two years later because eddie knocks him up before his cycle restarts#which steve gets so excited about eddie has to fuck him in the obgyn parking lot about it#eddie didn't have a breeding kink before all this but he was already in love the first second steve put that baby in his arms#eddie would do anything for steve. giving him another baby is not exactly something he's being pressured into.#oh and they do keep the baby btw. like they officially adopt them when the quarantine ends#Hopper tries to talk to Steve about rehoming them when the feds start talking about opening up and Steve starts crying#in PUBLIC#Hopper is shocked and backpeddaling and Eddie is torn between taking the baby and picking a fight with Hop about it
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If you CAN use hormonal birth control or an IUD to prevent pregnancy, please use it. Some people can't, and that's totally fine, but if it doesn't cause intolerable problems I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend using it. The statistics for just condoms or just cycle tracking are ABYSMAL and abortions are getting more and more restricted in the US.
There's even over the counter birth control now if you can't see a doctor.
#i used nexplanon and loved it#no period and no pregnancies for a decade#and my cycle restarted with no problem when i was ready to try for a kid#abortion talk
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You’re just wrong though
Ladies and gentlemen, for your consideration, a person with an IQ so "high" she admits that ChatGPT is smarter than than she is.
In addition, you're trying to prove me wrong with the hallucinating LLM, and even that idiot box knows that the Talmud doesn't say having sex with children is acceptable. The act is not morally defended, simply dismissed as not being technically relevant to the law being discussed. It literally says that in the screen shot you sent me.
The offer is still on the table if you need resources to help you learn to read, by the way.
#asks and answers#judenhasshole#I'm thinking about learning daf yomi when the cycle restarts in two years#and when I get to this page I'm gonna remember it
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HOUSE M.D. 05.23 | Under My Skin
#houseedit#housemdedit#house md#gregory house#james wilson#amber volakis#mialook#tuserkaren#*mine#*mygifs#i am still on this house episode and it has been months#i keep restarting and then pausing and then i'll go watch other shows and the cycle continues (this has happened twice so far)#so feel free to yell at me in the tags to start watching house again !#anyways i've been wanting to gif this scene because wilson's sad expression after house says kutner truly gets to me#rsl truly knows how to act with his face y'know what i mean
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He did not care. His reputation preceded him; the bruising of his knuckles as dark as the rims underneath his eyes, everyone knew Vitali Dobrynin was a fighter first and a fixer second. All to protect, all out of love- but no one cared about that. They only ever saw what was on show.
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#cp2077#edit:vitali#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#oc scrapbook#it's been years since i've done anything like this and also the first time doing it digitally so uhhh. poses cutely#HAPPY WITH IT THOUGH. gets his vibes across well. i threw it together in less than 30 minutes because the vision was so strong#tried to focus on him as a sun-coded character but in a destructive way... his inner conflict surrounding like#wanting to be / do good vs how it translates to his actions. and that compared to what everyone else sees#the struggle of carrying around so much anger and not being able to express it in the way you want because everyone is looking at you#if you step out of line you'll forever be the bad guy etc etc. poor decisions in the heat of the moment leading to ruin#he can't go home again because he believes he fucked it up for himself and now he pretends and pretends and pretends#trying to keep it all in. until it explodes out of him. repeating all his past mistakes. and the cycle restarts
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Linktober Day 8. Tunic
#linktober#linktober 2024#the legend of zelda#wind waker#ocarina of time#loz#loz ww#loz oot#link#josh art tag#had a lot of fun with this one despite how annoying it was to draw#oot link was at a difficult angle and i also just could not shade this for the life of me. restarted the shading like 3 times#i think im reaching that point in the cycle i typically go thru with my artstylr where ive grown tired of my shading style#to the point that i forget how to do it and it never quite looks right#so if my next post features changes to my artstyle thats why lol#but i enjoyed making this despite that cuz i like the ideas behind it!#i normally wouldve redesigned ww!link's outfit but i purposefully drew it accurately#to highlight how its more like a costume. cuz thats kinda what it was! and its modeled after the hero of times clothes#but is pretty innacurate. which i think is cool.. shows how much time has passed and how the view of the hero of time has warped#so i also purposefully made oot link wearing my redesigned outfit for him (even if you cant see much of it at this angle)#to further emphasize how ww!link's outfit is not only essentially a costume but is also quite innacurate#i like having ww!link ditch the costume for something else to show how he stops being some kid in oot!link's shadow#and grows into a true hero of his own#hence my ww!link redesign where i put him back in the lobster shirt. but i do keep some green and something similar to the hat#to have him fit in with the other links while still being unique#look i have a lot of feelings about ww!link and oot!link#i wish zelda would do more stuff like this... i think having oot relate to wind waker makes the story more interesting#and makes ww!link more interesting! cuz he cant be the hero of time they want. but he does become the real hero they need#the oot ww tp trio is so good... and they all work great as standalone games but their connections do really add something
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possessed by my 11 year old self every time I open murtagh
#inheritance cycle#eragon#murtagh#murtagh book#inheritance cycle was my absolute shit#christopher paolini#'s style is so comforting and familiar to me because I basically read those books cover to cover and then restarted the series when#I finished them#inheritance cycle my love
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It's a simple formula:
- I listen to an episode of Welcome to Night Vale every day while I get ready for work.
- I get too close to the newest episode.
- I stop listening to Welcome to Night Vale to "save up episodes for later."
- Months go by.
- I return to Welcome to Night Vale, beginning at a much earlier episode/story arc.
- I am flooded with dopamine and nostalgia.
- I listen to an episode of Welcome to Night Vale every day while I get ready for work.
- Repeat ad infinitum.
#it's a never ending cycle#currently restarting at the Ten Years Later episode#welcome to night vale#wtnv#hello listeners#Night Vale#A Friendly Desert Community#saving it for later
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kind of unfortunate that so many fantasy epics are also war novels because i will be honest i just do not like war novels that much... the grand clashing of forces is compelling obviously but it requires characters to talk about so much practical battle strategy and while i can get my brain to comprehend all these fantasy maps and kingdoms and borders and battalions and front lines and army movements it takes up. so much space in the book. feels like i'm fighting a war of my own trying to get through it sometimes
#this is about the witcher books rn but also about book four of the inheritance cycle#roran is hot and i like seeing him with his hammer and his dedication and love for his wife!#also i am here for dragons and it is kind of a major tonal shift watching this man try to navigate becoming a military general!#like i'll learn all the names of the witcher kings and queens and learn where their provinces are and which towns are in which kingdom#and who borders what and where and how all those political machinations work. it's important to the plot.#damn it's a lot of names though#meve is the queen of lyria and rivia is in lyria. this much i know. because she is the only queen.#completely irrelevant information most of the time.#cintra is north of nilfgaard. nilfgaard is south of fucking everything.#cintra is like? middle of the map i think? there are other southern territories that got conquered by nilfgaard before cintra fell#other southern places. um. toussaint. i know this because this location is often referenced in fanfictions about aiden thewitcher#my favorite character that does not actually appear anywhere in canon aiden thewitcher#man i'm thinking about him again... fucking miss him... (<— guy who never met that guy to begin with)#anyway. what other witcher politics do i know. i can keep the wizard politics pretty clear in my mind.#total fucking lie i just realized i've been picturing stregobor instead of vilgefortz all through the last half of blood of elves#whateverrrrrrr i'll figure it out... this is why i can't pick things up this much later. i'm not restarting this reread though#other kings. suddenly all their names are gone. demawend? he is not very important rn i don't think.#vizimir. of. redania? perchance?#yes. because i think he's who dijkstra works for. and phillipa eilhart. i think that's the redania crew.#there's the king who is caught up in. incest. foltest. that's that guy's name. fuck if i know what kingdom. triss worked with him i think#oxenfurt is an independent city-state in my mind i don't think that's actually true though#just reread the story where geralt is delivering a message for the kings that border brokilon but could not tell you for the life of me#which kings and kingdoms those actually are. nor who ciri was supposed to marry there#anyway point is. man. War Novel#lord of the rings counts for this too btw. if i have to calculate the numbers for the armies it is a war novel to me#valentine notes#witcher reread
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A doodle of my bbg
#im taking advantage of the hours left before the cycle of hell restarts#and that cycle of hell starts tomorrow which is monday...#poppy playtime#poppy playtime chapter 3#smiling critters#kickinchicken#sirensea#fanart#hes so fine af#lol#inconsistent style wtf
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i know for the reincarnation au it's not like the avatar cycle, but. imagine for a moment it is. It's just an endless string of zuko's. He always has a birthmark and gold eyes, and he retains some basic knowledge of his past lives. and he's just. cursed to be friends with the avatar. maybe he's his bending teacher (if he's a bender) maybe he's not, but they always somehow work together. Plus it's easier to tell if someone is a part of the zuko cycle then the avatar cycle.
And somehow every version of the avatar calls his sifu hotman. even if he is not a firebender. even though korra restarted the avatar cycle. he's sifu hotman. everytime.
this is so fucking funny. cursed to be besties with the Avatar forever. there's literally no escaping him.
(the twenty-fifth zuko decides that she's actually going to try and kill the the avatar again instead. you know. for fun.)
#asks#reincarnation au#korra might have restarted the avatar cycle but she already knew the sifu hotman lore#and therefore. it spreads.
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The five stages of accepting that you like Rick and Morty:
Denial: "Haha, I can't believe I'm watching this stupid show. I don't even like it. I'm just watching ironically and critiquing it in my head. It's a LITTLE funny sometimes, but it's still cringe."
Anger: "I don't like this stupid show! I'm just watching it ironically! I'm not like those maniacs who yelled at McDonald's employees! Rick and Morty is everything that's wrong with today's culture, and I'm only still watching it because I want to know what happens!"
Bargaining: "Haha as soon as I'm done I'm never watching this shit again! Seriously! I'm just going to forget about it and move on with my life! I'll ONLY watch good animation and prestige television! I just got curious because it's popular! I'm never telling my friends that I watched this drivel!"
Depression: "Forget it. I'm watching Rick and Morty. I don't even care anymore. I guess I'm trash and cringe. I thought I was better than this, but my media tastes are in the toilet. I'll apologize to all my friends and relatives when they find out."
Acceptance: [blasting Soulja Boy] "🎵 Rick and Morty, Rick and Morty, Rick...Rick...Rick...Rick... 🎶"
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guuuess whose back on her merlin bullshit!!! (send help.)
#merlin#bbc merlin#merlin bbc#abt to restart the cycle of rewatching getting dissatisfied with season 5’s ending#reading For Want of A Nail and the five hundred other fics on my special list that make me feel some semblance of joy and satisfaction#and then rewatching and starting it aaaaall over again
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Hi! I love your work. Can you make lacto fermentation crocks? If you can, what would you price them at?
I’d never heard of these before! that’s a really smart way to get an airtight seal on a ceramic container. I wouldn’t want to promise anything and end up with something that doesn’t function, so I’ll do some experimenting and see if I can figure out those lids.
#asks#ask#lacto fermentation crock#ceramic#experimenting will have to wait a few weeks until the kiln firing/pottery shipping cycle restarts
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