#rolled a nat 1? the land is cursed

[curse-of-dming-strahd]

there's now a running bit in my Curse of Strahd game that Ismark's only explanation for what's going on in Barovia is that "the land is cursed".

monsters? well, the land is cursed.

stalked by vampires? this land is cursed!

the only booze they have is wine? definitely the land being cursed.

can't wait for the next nat 1 on an investigation or an arcana check where I'll get to shrug and just say, "dunno, man. the land is cursed."

[bloodyshadow1]

I think Brennan went too far in nerfing Fig being a bard this season.

I get Fig/Emily made a deal but to make nerf her entire class without explaining how, it's not really fair. Brennan is a great DM, but I don't think anyone should be free from criticism, Emily seemed to like it according to her interview, but it's still something bad DM's do. Brennan is a good DM and friend so I don't think he is being malicious, I think he's doing it to tell a better story that he knows Emily will enjoy in the end so it is okay for them, it doesn't change that it's an overreach of what a DM should be able to do in my eyes.

As a viewer, my opinion does not matter, because the game is not for me, but also as a viewer I am allowed to criticize what I watch. I get that Brennan is trying to do something cool for the story, but at the very least to me, he went too far. Right now, Fig/Emily are afraid of their bardic inspiration, it's poisoning her against the class. Bardic inspiration is a huge part of the bard class, one of it's staples. It's like if a barbarian lost their rages or monks lost their ki abilities, that alone is too far without talking to the player first and explaining how the mechanic has changed.

The mall fight in episode 5 was the most egregious example, I see people talking about how it was almost a TPK and the bad kids were only saved because of Brennan, but I disagree. They were only put into that situation because of DM overreach. Yes, Brennan let them live in the end, but they were only in that situation because of an unfair and insane Diabolus Ex Machina specifically targeted against Emily/Fig. a Fire elemental that did not exist before that turn, appeared out of nowhere with a tray of shrimp and it getting knocked away with one of the shrimp somehow landing in Cassandra's mouth, and being something that she a goddess is somehow allergic to and resulting in her getting knocked out, all because Fig gave her a bardic inspiration.

That's not fair, I don't care how cursed or unlucky Fig is because of the deal she made, that's a crazy amount of bad luck to correlate to a single bardic inspiration. That's like 2 nat 1's in a row bad, not a d8 or bardic inspiration bad. That's one of the worst rolls possible on the wild magic surge table twice bad.

This is not saying that Brennan is a bad person, a bad friend to the people at the table, it's not even saying he's a bad dm. But it is a criticism for that moment because it was unfair. I might be in the minority here, but I personally don' think a dm is above the table, I think they are another player with a different rulebook. They have their own rules that they cannot/should not break just as any other player at the table.

[rockdrop]

Hiii I only found you just recently so here's a 4 am thought dump.

Pjsk x dnd. Imagine that. Mmj, wxs, and n25 would have the funniest reactions playing

Shizuku wouldn't get how to play and minori has bennett luck. What I'm imagining is that Shizuku is trying to befriend and persuade some demon not to be evil. Minori rolls a nat 1 and misses their shot so bad that it ends up killing Airi somehow. Haruka is starting to feel bad so she makes the adventure a little easier.

Nene is getting tortured and mom of the group in dnd. She's the person who knows what to do and is like "EMU DONT PULL THAT CRYSTAL IT'LL-" *emu gets cursed and they have to fight emu.*

Honestly Rui would be either very good as a dm or absolute manic. Party would end up having to somehow having to figure out the mystery of why a village turned into candy land and the villain is some 10 year old kid and stole their dad's device and now wants to turn the party into candy. The device ends up being sentient in the end and now they're trying to find said device so it doesn't kill anyone.

Tsukasa is just like Emu and tells the villain "YOUR ACTIONS ARE NOT WORTHY OF BEING IN THE PRESENCES OF A WORLD FUTURE STAR LIKE ME." then he gets immediately murdered by a gusher.

99% would be Ena and Mizuki arguing while Mafuyu doesn't understand how to play. Mafuyu ends up rolling nat 20 on a boss, kills it, and goes "Oh. I don't get it." Kanade is trying to explain that she did well and barely alive.

Ena is downed, and is like "YOU HAD HEALING SPELLS THIS WHOLE TIME?!" And now screaming at Mafuyu since the party had been on 1 hp this entire time.

Kanade is struggling trying to protect them all but got shit rolls and now has to be protected by Mafuyu. Every time. Kanade about to be downed? Guess what! Mafuyu is right next to her helping her up.

Mizuki is having the time of their life causing chaos and being a crazy yet good dm. Ena is not very happy that Mizuki is dm.

That's it for my 4 am thoughts (now 5 am). Add to this pls it would be so funny when they play in sekai with vocaloids. Remember to stay hydrated :D

- J

naive & innocent shizuku + chaotic wxs + ena going crazy-- imagining all this in my head has me giggling😂 this was a nice lighthearted thing to read after a stressful day😔thank you so much, J anon! I appreciate it :))

[ink-doc]

My most memorable moment as a fledgling DM was creating an NPC in one of my (many) homebrews. Inspired by the GuildWars skill Illusionary Weaponry: He used enchanted throwing knives that would deal massive psychic damage to players, but only if he failed to land hits against them.

The idea was to create a 'reverse of the norm' situation where someone benefited from low rolls, and was punished for rolling high. Unfortunately the NPC didn't get the memo, and proceeded to roll 14-20 consistently through the course of the fight with my players.

The end result was a very easy and pitiful boss fight that left my players barely hurt, and incredibly confused. I would later reuse this character, now equipped with cursed armor that lowered his roll totals. I have never seen so many consecutive nat 1 player rolls in my life.

This was the inspiration for my current set of homebrews...none of which use dice...

[fentrashcat]

Kinda Tourettes Awareness Month, June 9?

I just got reminded of a character I made as an NPC for a homebrew dnd campaign (haven't used her yet, and probably need to edit some stats to make her viable). She was written in part about how my tics feel so she's a very eccentric character.

⚠️everyone with TS or a tic disorder will experience things differently. This character is only based on my experience.

This is a bit long so I'll start with just explaining the character and then how it relates to my tics.

Character

Noella is, in essence, a wild mage. She is an aasimar, the only known aasimar of the god of mischief. She appears to be a human apart from her rose gold hair and her eyes that reflect the night sky. She is usually seen in plain comfy clothes with a large basket backpack like one that would be used to carry a baby. This basket is usually used to carry her pet spider Sprinkles, who is half blind and missing a leg.

Noella has Tourette's Syndrome (or the fantasy equivalent), and her tics set off her wild magic. Some things her magic cam cause is teleporting 1sqft of land and anything (or anyone) on it, either to or away from her. She can cause explosions, cause things to shrink or grow, randomly switch or change an item in some way, or even create mini biomes (2ft radius). The only set tic (as her tics were based on mine and I was planning to use my above table tics to gauge when she had hers) is duck-duck, which summons a random unique rubber duck.

Due to all of this, her house is in a very secluded area of the woods, and you know you are going the right way when things begin to seem strange, starting with the animals. Exotic animals or animals with magical abilities or discolored animals are scattered through the forest.

Noella can be temporarily "cured" by Remove Curse, but that results in a surge of tics when it wears off. A safer suppressant is a potion from a gnome in the nearest town that lets her be tic free for 1d6 hours. During this time she can cast a spell called "Reverse" that undoes all of the environmental magic and channels it back into her (magic affecting animals cannot be reversed). She then needs to redirect the recalled magic somehow, either into wild magic bombs or into a large effect. She's used this to grow a giant tree for her house, make the house larger on the inside, permanent alter self (or others on the rare occasion they ask), and, if the party befriends her, opens fast travel.

However, if she suppresses her tics for more than four days, each subsequent day has a higher chance of a wild magic explosion. So day 5 is a 10% chance, day 6 is 20%, and so on. This explosion has a range of effects based on d100 roll, it ranges from killing all organic life in a 25ft radius (excluding herself) and making the land unable to ever support life again(nat 1), to permanently upgrading the weapons of those in 10ft radius with a +2 to damage (nat100).

How she presents how my tics feel

Aside from her direct connection, there's some less obvious details.

Let's start with Sprinkles- I made Sprinkles a giant spider because that's almost how I invision my Tourette's, misunderstood and scary to a good amount of people. It can be dangerous in some sense, but is usually harmless. Sprinkles was also hurt because of a messed up teleport from Noella's tics, which kind of presents my fear of hurting someone with my tics, either physically or by saying something hurtful. Luckily the only person hurt by my tics so far is me, but I still worry about that, especially when I think about learning to drive. A part of me is also afraid of accidentally offending someone and getting hurt because of it, like how a dnd party might jump to attack a giant spider if they don't stop and let things be sorted out.

Most of her tics result in fairly neutral magic, like how most of my tics are neutral. There's a chance for something bad, or something good/funny, but it's mostly neutral. Also while I don't affect my environment as drastically as magic, my tics can still affect my environment, usually by making a mess or confusing my cats. The "reverse" spell is really more like picking up after myself once I've calmed my tics enough, but it doesn't affect animals bc I can't uninjure myself or unconfuse my cats. I can, however, pick up dropped or thrown things, and set objects right.

The Remove Curse "cure" is reminiscent of trying to suppress tics on my own will power. It works sometimes, but I never know how long, and my tics come back worse when I suppress this way. The potion is less a form of suppression and more symbolic of calming myself down, which is why I can then clean up. (The big magic afterwards is just for the game sadly, I'm usually wiped out after).

The wild magic explosion is a tic attack. I added a few good things for the game play, but tic attacks are always negative experiences for me irl. It doesn't kill everything around me, but it's extremely painful and embarrassing to go through and even distresses the people around me. Even though I know it'll be okay once it passes, it can still feel a little like the end of the world when I get the worst of my attacks. Suppressing my tics almost always leads to an attack afterwards, usually the next day, and the longer I suppress the worse the attack seems to be.

I don't really know how to segue into a closing so I'm just jumping to it lol.

Thank you for reading, I hope it made sense. If you're curious about anything here, my asks are open and I'll answer the best I can. Also I'd love to hear about more tourettic dnd characters if you have any, and can give more info on Noella and Sprinkles if anyone is interested.

[isa-the-trans-dragon]

okayyyyy fine i'll post more dnd...

so quick synapsis, party rn is T the Arsonist Fighter, now with 40% less amnesia, Wessly the Wise Druid who literally sees everything (30 passive perception), Link the Alchemist who is trying to figure out what the hell a society is when he'd rather just blow stuff up, and Yew, the cold deer sorcerer who accidentally ended up kinda like noelle deltarune-

Alright, so, where were we? I don't remember! So, party travelled to a new island, yea? Beeg ol continent that most people over in the main land dont know about, also, home continent of bbeg and his guild (bbeg is like, evil guildmaster of a necromancy guild, but he charismatic so most the members dont know they really evil)

so, they trynna find out *information* because, honestly, party needs that. Oh shit, scary evil forest to the east, its like, cursed with necromancy!!!

Yeah thats cool, dm, but like, we gonna stay in town for a week and do odd jobs for money-

Okay- i prepared for this- Alright, there a job to enter da sewers!1!1!!!11! Gotta clean it out, spooky noises in there! You get money if you dooooo

Go in, place unusually clean because this is a hint to the slimes living down here that i planned

Arright, lets go, party encountered da slimes, big fight time, lets go, planned this 2 weeks ago, lets go-

"I befriend the slimes.", says Wessly

W h a t

"Yeah, they cute, i befriend em."

Roll me... animal handling?? With disadvantage???

Nat 20 and 19.

. . . . .

And so now the party has adopted a family of slimes-

"Hey are they slugcats like rain world-"

...

And so now the party has adopted a family of slugcats-

I love dnd.

[cursedbluebird]

The creature summons two friends to help its fight. One of them seems to be eating itself, and the other is a putrid thing. The one that was devouring itself targets Marianne, but she is faster, lighter on her feet, more agile. As she dances around the growth she lands a strike with her fang, crippling it.

Growth: Autolysis 10/10HP misses Marianne 10/10HP with Delirium [Roll: 11 - 8 = 4] Marianne 10/10HP hits Growth: Autolysis 10/10HP with Sword of Zoltan [Roll: 8 + 3 = 11, -5HP; Growth: Autolysis 5/10HP]

After that her blood begins to sing, thirsting for more. The bog does little to slow her down. She hears it thrumming in her ears, her senses feel sharper. She wants to attack.

She tries to breathe deeply to calm herself down and keep her composure, but the echoing screams of the dead and the stench of rot both do nothing but increase her desire for bloodshed.

Golden Lich 15/15HP attacks the party with Living Death! Marianne 10/10HP loses -2HP [ Roll: 2, 8/10HP ]

There's a snarl, was it in her head? Or did it come from her throat? From the creature? From one of her teammates?

Her blood is pounding so loud, she can feel it throbbing. She had spent this whole time defending and healing others, she had spent the whole time afraid of her potential.

"My blood compels me!"

She is dancing across the bog, the picture of grace and beauty. Her sword lands true and deep into the lich and she dances away from it's attacks. It's gotten faster, but Marianne is still lighter on her feet.

Marianne 8/10 attacks Golden Lich 13/15 with BANE OF MONSTERS [Roll:19+3=22, NAT CRIT, ((2.5+3+1)2)/2=6.5] Golden Lich 6.5/15 Golden Lich 6.5/15 counters Marianne 8/10 with Echoing Groan [Roll:12-8=4 MISS]

Her head is pounding, her lungs are burning. She feels fuzzy, not herself. She forces herself to breathe, forces her lungs to fill up with every bit of air they can hold and then a bit more before breathing it all out. Slow and deep. She drops her sword and seems to come to her senses.

The sensation was frightening, the lust for blood she felt... She felt more like a beast than a human. She forces herself to remain standing, forces herself to pick up her sword again, forces herself pretend like nothing is wrong. She is calm, composed, human. She would survive her curse until the goddess took her.

She prayed that would be soon...

Marianne is inflicted with 2 stacks of Poison Bog [-2speed -2dex -2avoid]

Sisyphus [Team 12 Gold Round]

[feelingtheaster99]

It is WILD to me that there were so many steps almost not taken that led to that final scene with Alphonse

First, Lou debated blowing up the trebuchet, but decided that would be awkward

Then, Pinocchio considers stopping to attack Alphonse himself but gets yelled at by the party because Alphonse is literally surrounded by enemies and he would be surrendering double moment to hurt someone doomed for death.

THEN Brennan decided to allow Pinocchio lighting a firework and giving it to Cricket as an object interaction

Pib gives Alphonse the help action and he fails his save. At FIRST, Pinocchio admits he was going to use his Master of Destiny reaction to MAKE him fail so he’s all good. But FINALLY upon hearing Pib say Alphonse is the only person from his town who’s still alive, Pinocchio feels bad and uses the ability help save Alphonse and he fucking rolls a Nat 20

And that Nat 20, guys gals and non-binary pals, is what allows a Cricket aiming a firecracker at a rocket to kill many tiny people and break a curse, turning a mule back into a prince

[fixfoxnox]

for the d&d thing:

Ghost rolls so high and perfect when he needs to, Gaz is so. fucking. frustrated. in a fit of rage he literally curses the universe and maniacally accuses Ghost of cheating in any way he can think of.

Soap and Price are dying laughing at Gaz's meltdown and Soap doesn't let him live it down for weeks

Ghost's dice are actually slightly weighted, but thats for him to know and the others to never find out.

Gaz tries to test if they're weighted but for some reason when he rolls it it rolls a nat fucking 1 rather than a nat 20. Ghost was lowkey sweating under the mask and nearly fucking died laughing when he saw what Gaz rolled because what are the odds?

At one point Gaz starts making Ghost roll important things with one of his dice and Ghost just manages to get the luckiest streak in the world. Of course no one knows that he foresaw this happening and learned how to roll so that the dice will land right every time sjdjjdjfjf

In revenge for Gaz doubting him (even though Gaz is 100% right) Ghost starts doing even more chaotic things. This man is seducing all of the bad guys, literally fucking his way through the campaign. He's starting peasant revolts literally by putting up crudely drawn posters of local kings with like insults written on them. At one point he bypasses literally one of Gaz's biggest battles/enemies by focusing on some on the spot made up NPC named Werm. He stops a giant Civil War in a kingdom by doing some magic twerking on the battlefield.

Gaz is trying desperately to get this man to stop but its just like:

"I seduce the dragon."

"Roll"

"Nat 20"

"Motherfuck- Okay. Okay. You seduce the dragon. However, in order to do that you have to tell me with detail how you and the dragon fuck, then roll for how good you are in bed. If your bad, the dragon will eat you."

*Ghost just stares at him for a moment and Gaz is all smug cause he thinks no way Simon Ghost Riley is going to in detail explain how his fucking half orc gnome bard is possibly going to fuck this giant dragon*

Ghost: *shrugs* Okay

*ghost proceeds to give the most graphic fucking description of a sex scene ever before rolling a Nat 20 for how good he is in bed*

Gaz, now traumatized: I...hate you...so much

[mviswidow]

5 times Natasha defended you and 1 time you defended her

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word count: 1.4k

Warnings: cursing, R gets shot at, blood

Prompt: i love the trope of “The 5 times Natasha ____, and the 1 time Y/N _____” so maybe one about the times nat defended/protected you (could be like someone spoke ill of reader) and the one time you did?

“She’s insane for putting her on the team! Y/l/n is a horrible agent, she barely even -“

“She barely even what?” Nat interrupted, leaned against the wall in the entrance of the kitchen, with an eyebrow quirked up and her arms crossed.

“Agent Romanoff, we were just-“ The agent who had spoken originally started to come up with some bullshit response, but was once again interrupted by Natasha.

“Questioning my judgement? Shitting on the only agent from your class to become an Avenger?” She challenged, and his friends were avoiding her gaze like the plague. 

The agent shook his head, “No ma’am, I’m sorry, won’t happen again.”

“It better not. You’re all on cleaning duty for the next month.”

—

“You can’t make excuses for her, Natasha,” Tony yelled. “She isn’t a child, she’s a full grown adult. This was her fault.”

Natasha scoffed and rolled her eyes, “I’m not making excuses for anyone, Tony. She’s new, what the hell do you want from her? All of us have made mistakes before, Wanda did when she was new to the team,” She said, gesturing to the witch. “So have you and I, so what’s your problem?”

You shifted uncomfortably when Tony glared at you, “He’s right, Natasha. I won't let it happen again, guys. I’m sorry.”

You started to leave but Nat grabbed your arm and pulled you back to stand beside her, “Stay, we aren’t done yet.”

—

Two shots into the bullet proof vest you were wearing sent you backwards and to the floor. When you landed on the ground, the air in your lungs was knocked out of you, leaving you winded, “Fuck.”

“Y/n!” Nat shouted at you to get your attention and slid a gun she was keeping in her tactical belt your way on the floor so you could shoot at the HYDRA agent coming your way.

—

Going on undercover missions with Natasha was probably one of your favorite type of missions. You really enjoyed spending time with her, she was great company, and you always got on well. You also worked really well together, you always watched each other’s back and communicated excellently.

This time, however, you’d been made when you showed your ID to the bartender of the bar you were at. It was way too late into the night and luckily there weren’t a lot of people there, but Natasha had gone to the bathroom while you said you’d get drinks and you were left alone, totally screwed.

When the man recognized his name, he shouted to his friends in another language and a fight had broken out with you in the middle of four men, trying to fend them all off.

You’d managed to take care of one of them, but you were having trouble with the other three. The bartender punched you in the face and you stumbled backwards, giving one of his friends enough time to kick you in the gut. The other laughed as you struggled to stand back upright.

Their premature victory was cut short when Natasha threw a chair down on the ground, breaking it so she could take one of the legs, and made quick work of them. You were able to help her since she was multitasking and taking care of two of the men, you were left with the other, which was an easy feat.

When all four of them were on the floor, Nat put her hands on her hips and huffed, “Christ, I just wanted a damn drink.”

You snickered, “We can still get drinks, Natasha.” She smirked and looked up from them lying on the ground to you and frowned before walking towards you and tilted your face up, “You’re bleeding.”

You cleared your throat when you realized how close she was standing and backed up to walk over to the bar and grab a napkin, “It’s no big deal, doesn’t hurt.”

—

After being thrown into a car by one of the Ultron Sentries at the edge of Sokovia where you’d been helping civilians out of their cars, there was a loud ringing in your ear and you were having a hard time focusing on what you were doing.

You lifted your head up from the now broken windshield to see it approaching, but the impact of hitting the car had made you too dizzy to keep it up.

You were expecting to be shot at or something, but when nothing happened, you groaned loudly and slowly lifted yourself up to see Natasha fighting the sentry with Cap’s shield.

—

You ran through the corridors of the SHIELD base as fast as your feet could carry you. You were going against the crowd, but you were doing your best to push people out of your way. 

Natasha was currently interrogating a prisoner, per Fury’s request, but the base was being evacuated due to a bomb threat. The walls of the interrogation rooms were very thick, so no sound could get in or out, and half of the security functions were down, including alarms and comms, so the only way to get to her was by doing it yourself. 

People were yelling at you, some of your colleagues tried to grab you, but you would be damned if Natasha died because no one had thought to tell her what was happening.

You reached the only interrogation room that was locked and grabbed your keys to unlock it with shaky hands. 

You opened the door to see Natasha standing over some man with a knife pressed to his face and she turned her head to see you and glared, “I’m in the middle of something, you’re not supposed to interr-”

“Shut up, there’s a bomb, let’s go.”

She took her gun and shot the guy in the head before hurrying out the door that you were holding open, and when she saw the look you were giving her, she said, “I was supposed to kill him anyway.”

You rolled your eyes, pushed her forward, and started running. Luckily, her interrogation room wasn’t too far from an exit and would probably take you guys less than a minute to reach.

You looked over your shoulder when you heard a loud crash and turned to see something had fallen through the roof, which you could only assume was the bomb when you heard beeping coming from behind you.

You started to run faster and pulled her hard by the arm, throwing the door open and dragging her out.

The bomb exploded, and since it wasn’t very far away, the explosion caused both of you to go flying forward. You kept hold of her the best you could, but when you hit the ground you started to roll, so you had to let go.

“Y/n?” Nat called.

“I’m fine,” You groaned before coughing into the ground.

You turned onto your back and after a few seconds, saw Natasha’s face above yours. Her warm hand was on your forearm, trying to get you to sit up, “I owe you one.”

You chuckled and shook your head but let her pull you up, “Nah, you’ve saved my ass more times than I can probably count, it’s only fair.”

She bit the inside of her lip and smiled softly, “Do something for me then?”

Your brow furrowed but you nodded, “Sure.”

Her eyes flicked down to your lips before going back up to your eyes, and you saw the look on her face as she inched closer to you, as if she was asking for permission.

You smiled and cupped her cheek with one of your hands before leaning forward and kissing her tenderly, heart fluttering when you heard the soft sounds coming from her as you brought yourself into her lap to kiss her better.

[jeeperso]

D&D Quotes Without Context

Ravenloft Edition, Fundertainment Land Arc part 2

Gunder: “Don't you know I'm dead inside?” Vesh: “Yes, that's the problem, we want you dead on the outside too.” Poom: "And all the other sides, too. Just to be safe.” Marshal: ”Management wants to make a show of my suffering. Of course we'd be going through their outdated knockoff Darklords.” Marshal: ”Count Strahdical (pronounced St-radical) was the leader here, back in the day.” Gorbash: “How insufferable was he compared to the real one?” Jonni: “Real one gave us goulash, so I’m guessing lots.” "Hunky Harkon, Adamazing, and... I always forget what the mummy was saddled with.” "They literally could not come up with anything dumber than Ankhtepot.” Marshal: ”By all rights, I should offer you all a chance to be in the union, but I served with each of you as Lord Soth-cool, and I know you all to be a bunch of knobs.” Strahdical points at you. "No. NO. IT IS YOU WHO IS THE KNOB!” "Time to cut the count up; 1, 1 blade strikes, 2, 2 blade strikes.” "You always thought you were SOOOO much better than us.” “I mean… he is…” "You never wanted to hang out with us and eat kids after hours.” Edmund is thinking. ”Hunktepot, Ankh I’m a little teapot, Ank the Poo…." GM OOC: You guys are basically getting your asses kicked by the Groovie Ghoulies. Azathoth: "Since when was this game a 90s Saturday cartoon?” Nyx: "Since about our first adventure where we dealt with a haunted house.” Strahdical: ”We call THAT the bite of 87. Fucking RECOGNIZE.” Nyarlathotep: "That you're a relic? O-kay.” Somewhere Vesh is suddenly filled with an urge to burn down an overpriced pizza parlor. OOC: No, that's what they want you to do. For the insurance money. "Gnarlytepot... Ankredibepot…." He stands there for a second. seemingly fine. "HA! YOUR PATHETIC ATTACKS ARE USELESS AGAINST ME!” Then his top half falls off. “SHIT!" It is just now that Poom arrives. "Sorry, I had to burn down the toilets to make them sanitary.........And you guys did fine without me.” “That’s great. I am bleeding very badly.” Poom: "So do we just set each one on fire till we find the mimics?” Jonni sighs. “Nyx, you’ve got the best hand eye coordination. Give it one shot before I become Death, destroyer of claw machines.” "I do NOT have a gambling habit!” “Is that why Strahd knows what you look like naked?” “You're right... YOU HAVE A GAMBLING PROBLEM!” Nyx: *rolls nat 20* Marshal: ”I did see that right? She just noclipped through the glass and grabbed the ticket?” Even though you are pretty sure the claw tries to deliberately drop it at some point, and when it drops it to your hand you swear the claw flips you off somehow. When the flash clears, where Marshal was standing now stands a four foot tall teddy bear in adorable armor. "Darn, if it is a curse it the weirdest curse I've ever seen. Into a statue or plant, sure. But a stuffed toy, never.” “You mean… other than last week when that happened to all of us?” "That felt more like genie magic, not a curse.” "Um what the fuck happened to Marshal?” "Revenge of the Claw Machine.” "I've only known Bitey for five seconds and if anything happened to them I would burn this world to cinders and piss on the remains.” Nyx carries Marshal teddy bear. Gorbash: “One or both of them are going to murder the rest of us in our sleep.” Poom: "That's why I sleep with both eyes open.” Vesh: ”Well I think I saw him reading a bellhop the riot act a little while ago.” Gorbash: “…The Fuck? I'm fairly sure I diced him into pieces…” Jonni: “Did he at least have robot parts?” Gorbash: “Wait... THAT MEANS I CAN KILL HIM ALL OVER AGAIN! There are positives to this situation.” ”SHAZAM!” fluffy marshal says, before with a thunderclap, flash of light and a cheap smoke bomb effect, he's returned to his proper form. Gorbash: “Could you do that this whole time?” Marshal: "I bore the price of my hubris, for as long as I tolerated it." Gorbash: “You forgot you could do it, didn't you.” Marshal: “…Yes.” Yog-sothoth: "Hey, Poom: we cheated and gave you Intellect Fortress. Get casting.” Poom: "So apparently now I can do Jonni's thing.” "Can I have a salad please? Thank you.” "Sure, you want Macaroni, Taco or Tuna?” “I could shit a better Turkey Leg. I should go back there and show them how to season huge chunks of meats.” "They always make these chairs sized for big people, I have to stand on it to see into the arena.” “I mean… you want the high chair or the kiddie stool? Those both seem bad options to me, but it’s your dignity.” Gorbash: “Marshal I think you've managed to piss off both of our old tormentors in one shot. Keep up the good work.” Jonni: “How bad could it be?……..It’s cool, I said it ironically.” Gorbash: “... Really?” "Good news. It doesn’t infect creatures... It eats the tadpoles. Bad news? It eats everything else too.” Gorbash: “It's a killing machine with mind powers. This is going to suck.” OOC: Behold my Champions levels of dice! Fear me! GM: The arena fills with scorched worm flesh, which smells slightly better than the turkey legs. OOC: Bad news… I can only do that once more. Good news, I did that from 60 feet away. Edmund murmured, clasping his holy symbol and bringing out a reliquary as it is filled with golden light and summons forth a figure garbed in blue. <"Peace be upon you, seekers of knowledge! I-- HOLY FUCK!”> Jonni: “I only understood those last two words, but it’s generally bad when the being of pure angelic knowledge thinks this shit is messed up.” "Incoming dragon steamroller!” Azathoth: "FINISH HIM!" Yog-sothoth: "Wrong part of the fight.” Poom puts her fingers to her head, a third eye opens up, and a wave motion beam comes out. Gunder sighs, and waves his hands, and several servers in peasents begin setting up a stand around the Neothelid and then begin carving it up to sell shanks on a stick for 10 GP a hock. Gorbash: “Damn it, now I have to waste 10 gold if I want a taste without licking the gore off my armor.” “You one a those angels can be a lady on command?” "I can be a lot of things.” "I am the angel TriVia, of where the three roads meet." Vesh comes up to Trivia "Welcome to the group. We just adopted you. No you don't get a say. Here's your introductory pamphlet.” Marshal wisely switches out Nyx's stein of Ruminating Jolt for something less likely to make her hyper. "Nooo, my Jolt! I haven't felt like I had this much energy since I was 5. Wheee!" Nyx goes running around with her arms out. Vesh takes it from you. "YOU DON'T NEED IT. YOU'RE ALL THE WOMAN YOU NEED TO BE.” Marshal: ”That, and I'm reasonably sure Danzi has it spiked with actual ruminating drugs.” “Okay, food is shit, entertainment tried to eat us. I say we cast sleep on Nyx and sleep this off.” So you guys all get as good a nights rest as you can (and consequently Gorebash spends half the night infllicting menacing attacks on the toilet). Poom (as she stare-sleeps from her armchair): "That's what you get for trying to buy all the neothelid.” GM OOC: Also does Gorebash have the beard yet? Gorbash OOC: Let me roll. Okay it's a 50/50 chance so 1 is beard 2 is no beard. *rolls a 1* Gorbash has become a beard dragon. OOC: I’m presuming that's a fryer, with what looks like bacon and potatoes in it? OOC2: I’m not sure, I think it’s the “American “ hot pot from a Japanese show. Hamburger and fries cooked in a pot of cola. OOC:…that hurts my brain, teeth and stomach all at the same time. OOC: Now I got the Winnie the Pooh song stuck in my head, imagining him wrapped up like a mummy… OOC2: I have the same problem every time I think about China.

[avengerscompound]

Small Gods: Patience - 1

Patience:  A Black Widow Fanfic

Patience Masterlist | More Small Gods

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader

Rating: E

Word Count:  1611

Warnings: Language, guns, (smut, angst, and canon typical violence on series)

Synopsis: Every day Natasha prays for more patience to deal with a litany of things from waiting for her target to make a move - to not yelling at Clint for putting empty milk containers back in the fridge.

When her prayers are answered, Natasha finds that having patience is easy, holding on to it is a little harder.

A/N: Reader is a minor god.

IF YOU WISH TO BE TAGGED IN THE REMAINDER OF THIS SERIES, EITHER ADD YOURSELF TO THE TAGLIST OR SEND ME A MESSAGE

Chapter 1

Natasha stood on the edge of the building watching the chaos break out below her.  The team was supposed to be infiltrating a new underground crime group to figure out where a drop-off was happening.  They’d had men on a street corner no one had managed to clock, and it had just happened to be the one Steve was observing, and they’d spotted him.  That had made the whole crew antsy and then they’d wanted to change locations for the meet.  That had meant a sudden scramble to relocate everyone, so they could keep monitoring the situation.  Tony had nearly been spotted as they did and ended up having to leave the area completely so it looked like another normal New York City Iron Man sighting.  To top that off, Sharon’s comms had just stopped working completely and so no one had any idea what the group was actually saying.  It had been a series of fuck-ups and she knew she would have to get down into the mess soon the way things were going, but she was waiting to see if Clint could salvage it as he bumbled along the street acting stupid so that he could ‘accidentally bumped into his old friends Sharon’ and get some ears back on the scene.

“God, grant me patience,” she sighed.  It was a prayer that had become commonplace for her.  She’d use it when she was on an undercover mission where she had to pretend to be much less intelligent than she was.  She used it when she helped patch up Clint’s cuts after he’d spent a whole day being incredibly agile and dexterous, only to trip over his doormat and land face-first into a cactus he didn’t even know he owned.  She used it when Tony went on one of his rambling stories that she already knew.  She used it when she had to watch Steve jump off yet another stupidly high point for no reason other than he had to be their first.

“I’m not sure, Natalia,” a voice coming from way too closer said.  “I’m not sure that’s what you actually want.”

She spun around, quickly assuming a defensive position.  You stood at the corner of the building, completely relaxed.  You had dark sunglasses on and what looked like a faux leather jacket and large black boots.  You were leaning against the wall slightly and twirling a lollipop in your mouth, and despite the fact that on just about anyone else she’d think they were trying too hard, you seemed effortlessly cool.

“Who are you?”  Natasha snarled.

“Patience,” you said simply.

“Don’t tell me to be patient when you’ve just snuck up on me in the middle of a mission.  Tell me what you want, or I’ll send that piece of candy through the back of your throat.”

You laughed and held up your hands. “Okay, killer,” you teased.  “Relax.  I wasn’t telling you what to do.  I was saying that’s who I am.”

Natasha quirked her eyebrow at you.  “So your name is Patience, and you sit around waiting for people to pray for patience and you pop out thinking it’s a funny joke?  You know how close to death you just came right now?  I’m in the middle of something.  Go away before you get someone hurt.”

Natasha spun back to look down at Sharon who was now talking to Clint.  She saw the quick sleight of hand as they exchanged mic packs.

“Patience isn’t my name,” you laughed.

Natasha rolled her eyes, hoping to cling on to the last remaining patience she had rather than breaking your neck. That would just lead to a lot of paperwork.  “You said it was.”

“No,” you said, straightening up and reaching into your inner jacket pocket.

Natasha pulled her gun and pointed at you.  “Don’t even think about it.”

You pulled your hand out with a business card pinched between your thumb and index finger.  You raised your hands and flicked the card up so it was held between your index and middle finger.  “I said I was patience,” you said, taking a few steps toward her.  Natasha’s fingers twitched on the trigger finger as she tried to read your intention.  “You’ve been praying to me a lot lately.  I thought I’d show up.  But - you’re obviously not ready yet.”  You offered the card to Natasha and she took it without taking her eyes off you.  “Now… count to two hundred, and then go down the fire escape.  Agent Carter will be fine until then, and that will get you there exactly when you need to be.”

“What?”  Natasha asked, now completely confused.

“Just a suggestion,” you answered and casually strode off to the stairwell, leaving Natasha alone on the roof, completely perplexed over what had just happened.  She looked down at the business card.  Embossed in gold on the glossy black card were your name, address, and phone number.  There was no mention of a job or business or even the word patience that you had kept bringing up.

Natasha furrowed her brow and tucked the card into her pocket.  She wasn’t a trusting person by nature, but she had enough experience with magic to know not to completely ignore what you said.  She counted to two hundred as she paid close attention to what was happening in the street.  As she carefully made her way down to the fire escape, there was a commotion and Sharon drew her gun.  People scattered as a large van pulled up and armed men spilled out.

Natasha cursed under her breath as the street broke out in utter chaos.

“How did you even get there so fast?”  Sharon asked.

Thanks to your warning, Natasha had gotten there at the perfect time to take out most of the gunmen before they’d even shouldered their weapons.  In the end, while the plan hadn’t exactly gone how everyone had wanted it, and they still needed to actually find where they were operating from, they had made a lot of arrests, and thanks to Natasha, lots of innocent lives had been saved from being caught in the crossfire.

“There was this woman…”  Natasha started, not quite sure how to explain your strange appearance and departure from the rooftop.

“Oohhh…” Clint teased.  “Nat got the hots for some hot Chiquita.”

“Gross, Clint,” Natasha snarked.  “Don’t be a letch.”  Clint held up his hands in surrender and Natasha let out a long breath.  “It was weird though.”

“How was it weird?”  Steve said, sitting forward in his chair.  “Anything we need to worry about?”

Natasha shrugged.  “I don’t know - maybe,” she said.  “She said she was patience.”

Clint snorted.  “You definitely need to find her then,” he teased. Natasha swatted him on the back of the head.  “See,” he complained, rubbing his head.

“So her name was Patience?”  Steve said, opening up a drop-down screen above the coffee table.  “FRIDAY, do we have any record of a Patience as a member of any known criminal organizations.”

“Her name wasn’t Patience,” Natasha said, pulling the card out of her pocket and handing it to Steve.  “She said she was patience.”

“What does that mean?”  Steve asked, typing the details into the computer.

Natasha shrugged.  “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Tony chuckled.  “I like the idea of anthropomorphic adjectives walking around.”

“Patience is a noun, Tony,” Bruce scolded.  “And so is Tony.”

“You know what I mean,” Tony said, waving his hands around.  “You can feel patient, you can’t feel Tony.”  He paused for a moment.  “Not unless you asked nicely.”

“Maybe she’s some kind of god,” Clint said.  Everyone turned to him and Natasha raised her eyebrow.  Sometimes Clint would say things that were so simple and so profoundly intelligent that she wasn’t sure if he just blindly stumbled into the answer or he was an actual genius.

“Is that a thing?”  Sam asked.  “Just random gods of emotions?”

Natasha shrugged.  “I have no idea.  It’s a pity Thor isn’t here, we could ask him.  But she did say I’d been praying to her.”

Clint snorted.  “Sounds about right.”

“But Thor’s not a real god, is he?”  Steve said.  “Wasn’t the theory that he’s just an alien that lives a long time and humans just decided he was a god?”

“The dude makes lightning, Cap,” Sam teased.  “Maybe he’s not the only place it comes from, but he can definitely create it and control it.  Why can’t there be the equivalent for something like patience.”

Clint snatched the card from Steve and shoved it into Natasha’s hands.  “I say you call her.”

“You just want Nat to stop smacking you on the back of the head,” Bucky snorted.

“No, I want to see my best friend get laid,” Clint said, folding his arms across his broad chest.  “I bet someone who can command patience would be great at sex.”

“And…?”  Bucky pressed.

“And I don’t want to get clocked on the back of the head anymore,” Clint muttered.

Everyone laughed and Natasha looked down at the card, spinning it around in her hand.

“You look like you’re considering it, Red,” Tony mused.  “What was she like?”

“Cryptic,” Natasha replied.  “Cool.”

“Was she hot?”  Clint asked.

“I think so,” Natasha said.

“So call her,” Sharon shrugged.  “She helped me out.  She can’t be all that bad.”

Natasha nodded.  “At the very least I might get some answers.”

“And who knows, Nat,” Clint said.  “Maybe she’ll be able to teach you a trick or two.”

Natasha bit the inside of her cheek trying not to laugh, and wishing she had a little bit of that patience right now.

// NEXT

[brooklyns-supersoldiers]

Please Don't Leave Me (1)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Warnings: Cursing, some violence

Summary: You go on a routine mission, but it doesn't go as planned.

A/N: This is an idea that popped into my head and I decided to write it. It's going to be multiple parts (I want to say 3 or 4?? That's the plan right now). As always, any thoughts and feedback are appreciated!

Word Count: 1293

-

“It’s a routine mission, Buck. I’ll be okay.” You assured your boyfriend who was currently sitting on your shared bed pouting while you packed.

“I should be going with you.” He complained with a frown. You stopped packing and moved over to him, slotting yourself between his legs and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. His arms immediately wrapped around your waist pulling you closer.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten injured during the last one then.” You teased looking down at his ankle which was currently wrapped up.

“I’m a super soldier. I’d be fine.” He mumbled, pulling you in for a hug and nuzzling his face into your neck.

“Mhm, you sprained your ankle from a fall, Buck. Super soldier or not, it still needs more time to heal.” You explained, rubbing his back to soothe him. “I’ll be okay, I promise. Wanda and Nat are going with me. Steve’s in charge of the whole thing. The most that you have to worry about is that we gossip too much.”

“Just promise me that you’ll be in touch and let me know what’s happening.” Bucky asked, pulling away to look you in the eyes. You could see the worry in his eyes as he bit his lip. You gave him a small smile and caressed his cheek.

“I promise I will. You know I will.” You told him. He gave you a small smile in return. The two of you always stayed in touch when you were on missions without the other. Most of the time it was just a quick text or call, but it was enough to keep the other from worrying too much.

“Well, I think I’ve done enough packing for tonight and I don’t leave until tomorrow…” You commented, knocking the bag to the floor and leaning into Bucky. He smirked and quickly you were on your back under him.

“I think I know what we can do to pass the time then.” He said and you giggled before pulling him in for a kiss.

~

“So what’s the plan?” Wanda asked as the quinjet got closer to its destination. Natasha was already checking her guns, making sure they were fully loaded.

“Natasha and I will go in on the East side of the building. The guards should be changing shifts which should make it easy to sneak in undetected. You and Y/N will go in from the Southeast where their security is weakest. We’re in charge of intel. You two need to check for hostages and then rig the place to blow. We’ll all meet back at the jet” Steve explained, finishing right as the quinjet landed.

“Same thing as usual.” You commented, zipping up the bag full of explosives and shouldering it.

Just landed. Be back before you know it! You quickly texted Bucky before walking off the jet after everyone.

The cold immediately hit you when you walked out causing you to shiver. There was already a few inches of snow on the ground and fresh snow was falling from the sky. Curse the fact that this facility had to be in what felt like the coldest part of Russia. You couldn’t wait to get home.

“Be safe and good luck!” Steve called as he and Nat ran off towards the Hydra facility. You and Wanda took off jogging towards your designated side.

“So do you and Vision have anything fun planned for when you get back?” You asked her to make small talk, trying to distract yourself from the cold biting at your face.

“He wants to try this new restaurant that opened up in the next town over.” Wanda smiled. “What about you and Bucky?”

“I think we’re going to have a movie night so I can catch the old man up on pop culture.” You laughed.

Approaching the building, Wanda immediately took out the one security camera and broke the lock on the door.

“I love when we team up, have I told you that?” You asked, holding the door open for her.

“Only every time.” She laughed and rolled her eyes before walking in, you quickly following behind.

~

So much for a routine mission.

It was absolute chaos. Alarms were going off. Guards were everywhere. You and Wanda were sprinting down the hallway for your lives. Wanda was using her powers to keep the Hydra agents away while you shot those who managed to still advance towards you.

“Wanda! Y/N! Where are you?” Steve yelled over the coms.

“In the building still!” You called back. “Where are you two?”

“We’re almost out! How long until it blows?” Nat questioned, the sound of gunshots sounding over the ear pieces.

“Five minutes.” Wanda chimed in, rushing down a new hallway trying to get to the exit. She suddenly skidded to a halt causing you to have to stop.

“What is it?” You asked as you watched Wanda rip the door off its hinges. You checked, but for now the coast was clear.

“This is one of their labs. I recognize it. It looks like the one they used for me.” She said walking in.

“Wanda… we don’t have time to walk down memory lane.” You looked around nervously waiting for more agents to appear around the corner.

“Not a walk down memory lane.” She replied, walking out carrying a child. It was a young girl, she didn’t look to be more than 10. “She was cowering in the corner. I could feel her fear.”

“Alright let’s go!” You yelled and quickly turned around only to find a bunch of guards running from that direction.

“Shit.” You mumbled. “Okay, you run that way and get out with her, I’ll buy you time and meet you at the jet.”

“But-” Wanda started, an uneasy look on her face. “GO!” You yelled, pulling out your gun. She quickly started running off while you started shooting the Hydra guards down.

“You two are on your way out right?” Steve asked again. “Nat and I are already out. It’s going to blow any minute!”

“We’re working on it, Steve!” You yelled back at him, cursing as your gun jammed. You threw it away and started running in the same direction Wanda had. In the process, your earpiece managed to get loose and fall out.

“Really?” You groaned, not bothering to stop for it. There was no time. You had a minute to make it out before the place blew up.

~

Nat stood on the ramp of the jet trying to see through the snow which had picked up significantly since the mission started. Steve was pacing, trying to get in touch with either of the two who were still missing.

“They’ll make it out, you know them.” Nat assured him. “See there’s Wanda!” She pointed out as Wanda’s frame came into view.

“Are you hurt? Who is she?” Steve started asking questions as soon as she got close enough.

“I’m fine. This is one of their hostages. We should have Dr. Cho check her out when we get back. I think they were doing tests on her.” Wanda quickly answered, trying to catch her breath.

“Wanda, where’s Y/N?” Nat asked slowly as soon as she realized you weren’t right behind her.

“Wait, she’s not here? She was going to buy me some time and meet me here.” Wanda explained. “I can go ba-”

She was interrupted by a loud explosion which caused the three to turn around. The ground was shaking and the building was starting to collapse, sending debris and dust into the air. Nat and Steve exchanged a look of shock and disbelief. Wanda covered her mouth with her hand, a slight sob escaping at the realization.

You hadn’t made it out in time.

[paintedwarpony]

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE NIGHT C2E124

Sam drinking an Absinthe and Yogurt Suicide right before the game starts

Man-moth

Starting off the episode in the battle music

Quick change Polymorph

Glow in the dark Yasha

Mad Dash Crazy Directions

"... Ima bird."

Panic Planning and Mid-Air Switcheroo Nat 1

Angel making a snow angel on her landing

"We're basically gods!"

"Surface tension is a whole thing. Nah."

"ARE YOU SHAMING THE CREW FOR FOLLOWING DIRECTIONS!?"

"All pronouns are valid and your hate is earned, because Otis is terrible..."

Jetski Beau

Bird Stats

Magic Button

Cranky Caduceus

Zoren's big bag o' bombs

Long rest (in the dome so puppy pile) FINALLY and Beau falling asleep on Yasha

The Classic Matthew Mercer Fake Out

Return of the Matt Shirts

Return of the classic Jester sending disasters

Caleb’s pouch of random location anchors

Suggesting sending Sprinkle with the Threshold Crest

Cursed Dagger Shenanigans

"I heard the Rusty Dagger did really good Absinthe and Yogurt smoothies..."

Empire Sibling Squabbling

Butterflies? Butterflies? Butterflies?

Your Tracking Number is 53.10.2.

Seeing the Aeorian Crater

Land Before Time reference

"They're Mulan-ing us!" - Tomb Taker Avalanche

Otis the new BBEG

Standing ontop of Aeor

Mecha Gelidon

Curse of the Cake

"... gee whiz you are GREAT!"

"...Weapons away..." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN.

Wild magic surge?

Theylon...

VURMAS OUTPOST

ESSEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS BEEN 84 YEARS

Essek smile and Essek hug

Hot cocoa for the Aurora Watch

MASS INSIGHT CHECK

Taliesin's ridiculously bad rolls all night

Jester’s description of the Tomb Takers

"We fought a dragon and the dragon was an easier fight than them..."

The fact that Essek chose to come to Eiselcross

Quick retreat method confirmed

Insight Check: Essek's Ashamed

Tiny Kryn Info Dump: Vurmas

"We killed a giant baby." "It had no butt."

The casual banter with Essek and Beau’s staring

Essek's heartfelt honesty about his friendship and trust with the Nein

Oh shit, Dagen x3

Reunion with Dagen with an Aurora Watch soldier IN HIS LAP then giving advice to the Vurmas patrol

Aurora Watch skeptism and annoyance with the "strange incoming people"

Essek: . . . what are we talking about?!

The Nein scaring their new purple friend about their old purple friend

Scaring Essek then trying to convince him he's their 100% ace in the hole

Eyes of Nine info/speculation from Essek

Hints that Essek is under suspect in the Dynasty

Essek connection with Trent confirmed

Essek's face journey when they tell him Vess DeRogna is dead

Hints of wanting to gather allies ala Chroma Conclave style

"Oh shit's real bad."

Cocoa with whiskey for the nerves

Possible plans suggesting pulling Lucien's soul out and putting/resurrecting Molly via knowledge of the Luxon

Beau's face while wizards talking about time manipulation

Essek panic attack

VERIN MENTIONED VERIN VERIN VERIN

Essek saying he "trusts his brother"

"I'm sorry for alot... alot..."

Caleb holding Essek's arm and telling him to breathe and Essek's little shuddery breath

Talking about rounding up all the wizards they know

Tal'Dorei Council mentioned

Chuckle Dust and Oops Stones: Look out Lucien

Yogurt mentioned again

Veth snapping at Fjord about a snowball, Fjord's mental journey afterwards

Artagan hanging out in Port Demali then teleports in all sass and frass for the best failed Divine Intervention ever

SUCCESSFUL DIVINE INTERVENTION BRING IT WILDMOM

Wildmother Brothers- "I love you like family, you're in so much trouble..."

Jester goes to scry, Fjord insisting to come along

The Nein genuinely considering traveling away from Eiselcross

Sending to Wensforth/Yussa

"Its alot of dicks, theres just alot of dicks..."

Dagen already best friends with the Aurora Watch

Dagen retirement plans in Marquette and chit chat with Beau

Dagen goodbyes, chewing a hot cocoa ball

Hearing Matt's teleportation circle sound after so long

Level 14!!!

Caleb at 101HP

Wait

MANIFEST LIST COUNT: 13.5

There were a couple of halvesies in there but holy shit Verin was mention even without his name being dropped. Its a step in the right direction.

[sun-critrole]

Inspired by extracandy’s awesome twitter thread about the passage of time in Campaign 2, I thought I would utilize Critrolestats’ exhaustive data pool to have some fun.

Keep in mind that the data we have access to is skewed, since it depends upon the players self-reporting their rolls. Not every natural roll is announced out loud. These numbers are also only correct up through episode 139.

The way I’ve chosen to interpret the data is using ratios. Theoretically, if you roll a d20 a lot and record all the times it lands on a 1 or on a 20, those numbers should be about the same. On a 20-sided die, you would expect each face to pop up about once every 20 rolls (about 5% of the time).

I did a quick sample of this: I rolled a d20 200 times. I rolled 13 nat 20s and 10 nat 1s, which is pretty close to what the statistics told me to expect. My 20-to-1 ratio was 1.3 to 1. This means, for every nat 1 I rolled, I also rolled 1.3 nat 20s. That’s a really small sample size, but each of the CR cast has rolled a d20 way more than 200 times in Campaign 2. (If I kept rolling forever, I would expect my ratio to eventually be 1 to 1 - for every natural 1 I rolled, I also rolled about 1 natural 20.)

Of the crits and crit fails acknowledged on stream, Beau has the most of both. This tracks - monks roll a lot of attacks! 136 nat 20s divided by 104 nat 1s place her success-to-failure ratio at roughly 1.30 to 1. That’s about the same as what I got in my small practice roll session.

Do that math for every player character, and here are the numbers you get:

Beau - 1.30:1

Fjord - 1.58:1

Caleb - 1.23:1

Nott/Veth - 0.95:1

Jester - 0.75:1

Yasha - 1.09:1

Caduceus - 1.45:1*

Mollymauk - 2.27:1*

*Here, the math begins to break down a bit. Mollymauk only ever rolled 11 natural 1s and 25 nat 20s, which is a pretty small sample size compared to the rest. I would say that even Cad’s 29 natural 1s is too small. If we add all Taliesin’s rolls for the whole game, across both characters, we get a far more reasonable 1.68:1.

Matt’s DM rolls are a much bigger sample size, as he rolls more than any given player character in most sessions. His ratio comes in at 1.96:1. Nat 20s are announced by Matt about twice as often as nat 1s.

There are some fun questions brought up by looking at this set of data.

Why is it that most players have announced more nat 20s than nat 1s?

I can guess that most of it has to do with mechanics. The CR cast doesn’t tend to have something awful happen with every critical failure, like dropping a weapon instead of attacking. There isn’t much of a difference between rolling a 1 or a 2 on a perception check - they both fail. However, when rolling a natural 20, you do the best you possibly can do. Matt has chosen to sometimes grant players special rewards for rolling a nat 20 on a skill check. This doesn’t even take into account that, in combat, nat 20s do double dice damage, so they are always announced. Nat 1s may often be glossed over with a “No, that doesn’t hit” comment. 

If that’s the case, why is Sam’s and Ashley’s ratios about equal for 20s and 1s?

I think a lot of the variation in ratios here comes down to play style. Sam loves to fail, as proven by his refusal to re-roll 1s as a halfling. The 1s are just as fun as the 20s for him, so it makes sense that he’s announcing them at roughly the same rate. I may be wrong in this, since it’s not tracked by Critrolestats, but I feel like Ashley is more likely to announce her natural rolls, regardless of the result? If that’s the case, it makes sense that her number would also be closer to a statistically balanced ratio. Again, this comes down to how she chooses to play.

Okay  so, why is Laura’s ratio so messed up?

And to this, dear reader, I have no answer. Maybe someone with more math knowledge than me can talk about statistical significance. Jester has rolled 61 nat 20s and 81 nat 1s. Maybe that’s too small a sample size to really get helpful data from. Maybe the way Laura plays means she is more likely to announce nat 1s, because she is more disappointed in her dice.

But maybe, just maybe, Laura Bailey’s dice bag is cursed. Not quite Wil Wheaton mega cursed, but cursed all the same.

[the-witty-pen-name]

Fell in Love in Scotland Pt. 1

Sam Wilson x F!Reader

Warnings: angst; cursing; pining; 18+ in later parts (maybe? not sure yet) 

Summary: After finding about the new Captain America, the reader goes to Louisiana to visit Sam. 

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: So I know this isn’t on my list of things I *should* be working on, but I had this idea today and I had to get it down! This is only going to be 2-3 parts. This is my first time writing for Sam!

I’m taking a small break from working on my other works in progress to focus on getting out as much Sam content as a can before Sam’s (and my) bday on the 14th! Not sure how much I’ll be able to write but that is my hope!

My biggest flex at the moment is sharing a bday with Sam. 

This references Civil War, Endgame and Infinity War events in flashbacks but you know, canon is a thing I like to just maneuver around so I’m sorry if there are many major inaccuracies!

This is unedited and please let me know if I missed anything that should be included as a warning. 

Taglist is in my bio 

You were furious. Without even thinking, you picked up your phone and found him in your contact list. You were fuming, needing to find out what happened so you could help him. You hadn’t talked to him since Tony Stark’s funeral, and you had found out through Banner that Steve had gifted him the shield. You psych yourself out every time you want to reach out and talk to him, but your rage blinded you and took the lead over your usual nervousness.

“What happened?” you ask as soon as the ringing on the other end stops and you know he’s answered. You have the phone balanced on your shoulder as your slipping on your shoes, ready to head out as soon as you can.

“(Y/N)?” he asks, sounding confused. Also, incredibly hurt and rightfully so. You imagined he was watching the same thing as you on television and you thought he’d be as equally mad.

“Sam,” you say, letting out a shaky breath. “The shield.”

There’s nothing but dead air for what feel like forever.

“I gave it up,” he finally answers. You can hear in his voice that there is much more to this than that.

“Are you in D.C.?” you ask, not wanting to push him to talk.

“Delacroix. You don’t have to come-.”

“Can’t come visit a friend?” you ask hopefully. You hear him sigh.

“It’s not a great time,” he says hesitantly.

“Isn’t that when you need friends the most?” you counter, trying to force a happier, more uplifting tone. You try, but you know you still sound miserable. “Please,” you ask again, almost a whisper.

“You’re coming no matter what I say, aren’t you?” he chuckles.

“Pretty much,” you admit, “but I would love it if you actually wanted to see me.”

“You know I would…”

“So that settles it,” you smile, blinking to hold back a couple tears. Your voice breaks just a little. “I’m getting on the first plane I can.”

Before he has a chance to change his mind, you end the call and immediately pack some necessities. You never got out of the habit of always being called off, so many of the things you needed were already packed away in a bag in your closet. It was a comforting thing for you. Like you always had the option to just leave wherever you were. You said it was because of all the times you got pulled away from life because of missions for SHIELD, but it ran a little deeper than that.

God, he’s handsome. That’s the only thing you can think of when you’re finally in front of him again. Your mind is at a complete blank. You should be able to muster up the ability to say something. He’s waiting for you at the airport. You didn’t expect this, but it is Sam. Of course, he was going to meet you when your plane landed. You try your best to clear up the haze in your brain as you walk towards him, and he pulls you into a tight hug.

“I’m happy you’re here,” he mumbles, resting his head on top of your head as you bury your face in his chest. All hopes you had at a cool, collected front when you saw him disappeared. You missed him too much and had gone too long without admitting it to yourself. Tell him you missed him, tell him you’re happy to see him, say anything…

“I want to help,” you say when you both break away. You inwardly cringe. You can’t vocalize anything except turning this into some mission.

“Please can we not talk about the shield?” he asks, and you realize you’ve clearly hit a sore spot. You nod in agreement, feeling terrible for having brought it up so soon. You didn’t want him to think you were prioritizing the shield over him. That wasn’t the case at all. You came here for him, to see him, why the hell couldn’t you act like it.

“I’m sorry,” you apologize, earnestly. You had to pull yourself together.

“I appreciate that you are worried about me,” he says slinging an arm over your shoulder as you walk. It feels nice, effortless. “But I donated the shield and after that, it was out of my hands.”

You know he is leaving out a lot, and you know him well enough to know there’s a deeper issue. But, for now, you decide to table it. He tells you about his nephews, and he fills you in on how he’s been able to spend time with them, and it feels so beautifully normal. The world feels like it’s falling apart around you but there’s Sam, pulling you back in like he was always able to do.

“I missed you,” he admits, after there’s a lull in the conversation driving to the house. “I thought maybe I would’ve seen you at the compound, or something before you left after the funeral.”

“I didn’t really have the chance,” you try to gloss over. “I just- After Steve came and said goodbye, I couldn’t stay. It just hurt too much.”

“Steve told you?”

“Not exactly, just a very vague goodbye, but I was able to read between the lines. I knew he wasn’t coming back.”

“What did he say?”

“Just that he wanted to go back and fix things. If he couldn’t have done it here, he wanted a second chance. To get back the time lost. Save Bucky, find Nat, maybe visit Peggy… He just wasn’t ready to stop yet. There was no fight here left, so he went back chasing the ones he felt like he lost?”

He nods, just taking in the information. He tells you about seeing Steve when he came back, about how he got married. He tells you about how Steve gave him the shield, but he thought the right decision was to donate the shield to the Smithsonian. You don’t try to do anything else but listen, and try your best to understand. But hearing Sam not think he could take on the title was heartbreaking. You want to ask him if he regrets it, if he wants to get the shield back, but for now, you know it isn’t the right time. Just tell him you missed him too, please. You can’t do it. The words get stuck in the back of your throat. Why is this so hard?

“Remember when we met?” you ask, looking aimlessly out the window.

“You mean when you drop kicked me at an airport?” he asks with a laugh.

“No- I mean, yes that happened first technically,” you smile. “I was more so thinking about the first time we spoke after that.”

“You mean when you came with Steve to get us out of prison?” he asks, skeptically.

“The very time,” you grin.

“I’m pretty sure the only thing you said was stay low and keep out of my way, if I remember correctly,” he raised an eyebrow.

“No, no in the jet,” you clarify, “Before we went into hiding.”

You sat on the floor across from Sam, you had pulled your torso out of your tactical suit, and had the arms of it tied around your waist. The SHIELD t-shirt you wore underneath was covered in sweat and grime. You rested your head against the cold metal of the plane’s ship and your eyes wandered to Sam.

“Pararescue?” you ask, breaking the silence.

“Yeah,” he responds, looking over his equipment that Steve brought with you.

“SR,” you reply. “Well, was.”

“You were Special Reconnaissance?” he asks, and you nod.

“Three tours.”

“Is that why you changed sides?” He continues and you can’t help but smile.

“I guess you can look at it that way.”

“I’m Sam.”

“I know.”

“Well how was I supposed to know that?” he chuckles, crossing his arms, relaxing a bit more. You smirk.

“(Y/N).”

“Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too, Sam. Sorry about beating your ass.”

“You got lucky, SR,” he scoffs, and you laugh.

“Whatever you need to tell yourself, Wilson,” you laugh.

“You’re lucky we’re on the same side now,” he jokes.

“Oh, I know,” you smile. You get up and head to the cockpit to join Steve.

“I told you that the two of you would hit it off,” he chuckles as you slide into the copilot seat.

“You bring me along just to set me up, Rogers?” you scoff. His cheeks redden a little.

“You know that’s not true…”

“Ugh, you’re just as bad as Natasha, Steve,” you roll your eyes.

“You have shared life experience.”

“He is gorgeous.”

“I’ll tell him you said that.”

“Don’t even think about it Rogers,” you gasp.

Before you know it, Sam is pulling up to your Airbnb.

“Come by the house tomorrow,” he says, and you nod. “I want to bring you somewhere.”

“Yeah,” you agree, as you get out of the car. It was already late, and you denied Sam’s offer to get dinner. You were exhausted, and you were still in the clothes you were wearing when you left your apartment suddenly. You needed to shower, sleep, and then your visit with him would start. You also were nervous. You could tell he was a little disappointed when you declined his offer but he understood.

“We’ll get some beers and talk about the good old days tomorrow. Don’t worry about it,” he smiles, rubbing the top of your hand reassuringly.

“Good old days?” you tease.

“We’ll talk about Scotland,” he grins, “The good parts.”

“The good parts,” you affirm. You try to think about what he means but you let yourself put it out of your brain for now. “I’ll be by first thing.”

“I am really glad you’re here,” he reiterates once more before you disappear into the small house. You don’t have the courage to admit you feel the same.

When you close the door behind you, you look out the curtain and watch as Sam drives away. Your mind runs rampant with just all the things on your mind. The shield. Sam. Being here with Sam. Having to talk about feelings and memories with Sam. Scotland. How you fell in love with Sam Wilson in Scotland.

You worry coming here was a mistake.  

Part Two

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@greeneyedblondie44 @witchybarb @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan​ @sassy-kassaay​