#season 5 is a special kind of pain

[dyed-red]

brb imagining an AU in which adam milligan didn’t exist (sorry adam!) but where Jo was actually john’s daughter (as per kripke allegedly wanted at one point) and...

none of them (except Ellen, obvy) knowing that Jo is John’s kid, jo still dying in Abandon All Hope when they go to kill Lucifer... and then being brought back to act as Michael’s vessel.

her agreeing because she’s wanted her whole life to be respected within the hunting world and as a hunter, to be a protector and not the protected. she’s trained for this, for something, and she’s ready. her agreeing because she already died to stop Lucifer once and failed, this is just upping her arsenal, is just committing to that. if she’s willing to give up her life she’s willing to give up her body too.

and she’s really not about to be talked out of it by sam or dean, either. she’s stubborn, she’s made up her own mind, and it turns out she’s their sister anyway (if that’s a recent revelation and didn’t come sooner in the series, in which case layering in the betrayal she’s still working through when it comes to her mother, to that revelation, and the shock of it. and sam and dean’s wide-eyed reactions to it, both of them re-examining their attraction to her and her doing the same, but there’s no time to dwell).

just... yeah. sam having to reconcile with the fact that he’s dragging jo down with him to the cage. dean having to reconcile with the fact that jo -- who he tried to protect, who he failed to protect, who he could almost imagine a life with (his half-sister, and isn’t that just fitting) -- is the one taking his place as michael’s vessel and he can’t stop her. is the one he’s leaving in the cage when he makes his deal with Death.

[lowkeyrobin]

Miguel x reader but reader is just absolutely in love with Miguel but Miguel has eyes for sam and reader tries to be supportive be can't so they distance themself away from Miguel😁

- ♠️

dude I swear we're gonna brawl and I'm gonna make the guy ur talking too watch as I win. I'm so srs rn I'm gonna tell meemaw (I lit don't even know them all that well but idc) ; anyways thanks I guess 😒 /sarc ; but I went a little off the rails w this one cause why not

MIGUEL DIAZ ; casual

summary ; you have eyes for miguel while he slowly distances himself to be with sam, and you accept your fate

warnings ; language, physical fighting / a punch thrown

disclaimers ; miguel is a whole fucking villain, kinda off to canon timeline cause I'm rewatching atm and it's hard to keep 5 seasons straight in the brain, fun hawk tory and demetri content cause they'd be so cool together

track ; casual, chappell roan

word count ; 1.4k

masterlist

You thought that maybe after all these months being with Miguel meant that you were together. Apparently not.

After two weeks of dating, his mom invited you over for dinner.

You gave him everything.

You did everything for him, you owed him everything, you could only thank him for being alive now.

After all the passionate making out, the special dates, the first time experiences, after everything, he said that. He said that there were no attachments. Every time you kissed, you gained anger issues, knowing his lips were probably on another's at some point between the last and now.

He made out with you after pressing you against the wall while his family sat at the dinner table down the hall.

But no, it was just casual.

You knew he just told his friends that it was just casual.

You loved being dumb about it for a while, at least while you thought it was real. After graduation, you'd have an apartment, and he'd show you off to his friends at the pier.

You noticed his unfocused gaze upon you. You noticed how he looked more interested in Sam LaRusso, again, for that matter.

You were just a rebound, apparently.

But apparently, it was just casual when he made out with you in the locker room just before the All Valley tournament. Yeah, it was just casual when you were on the phone trying to convince him not to run away to go find his dad, yet he went anyways.

You made out with him when you went to dinner, his mom and Johnny at the table.

Yet once he knew that you knew that he was into Sam again, he wondered why you were bitter. He bragged to his friends about how much he loved your lips, how much he wanted you and how amazing you were.

You hated how you allowed it to drag on, how you let it break you as much as it possibly could before you just gave the fuck up.

You hated yourself.

You hated yourself for allowing it to happen. You hated yourself for letting him think it was just casual. You hated yourself for not fucking killing him once you caught him in the act.

But no, you had to be the chill person who would just shrug it off.

At least some of your mutual friends were on your side after you texted them about it. Demetri, Tory, and Hawk the most, slightly surprisingly on Hawk's part.

The trio immediately rushed to your house, knowing you needed someone to lean on. For fuck's sake, you just saw your supposed boyfriend making out with his ex in a rollerrink.

The (kind of unlikely) trio, during a grace period between Eagle Fang slash Cobra Kai and Miyagi-Do, had to team up just this once for their favorite, non-Miguel friend. They were all shocked and disgusted by Miguel's actions, though kind of expecting it.

He was infamous for his love triangles, apparently.

Tory holds you in her arms, allowing your vulnerability to show through while Demetri talks, hoping his rambles would ease your pain. Hawk is downstairs, making you some mac and cheese since you hadn't eaten dinner.

"Fuck him," Tory smiles, cutting of Demetri's nonsense ramble. "You're better than him, in many ways, actually. But, he lost you, that's his problem. You're free, Y/n. It wasn't just casual, I don't know why he's lying to himself, but he and Sam can go suck it. He clearly doesn't deserve you. You're way out of his league anyway"

You look up at her, a smile painting your face before you hug her. "Thanks, Tory"

Demetri awkwardly sits on the foot of your bed, unknowing of what to say or do. Tory gives him a look, considering you'd need feedback from both male and female friends of yours slash Miguel's. Her current state of mind was just showing you that there were apparently sides and they were on yours.

Demetri nods, quickly getting the message. "Yeah, he doesn't deserve you. You should like, get him back or something. Or at least yell at him, or something. I mean, getting back with your ex while trying to tell your current partner it's just casual? He fumbled"

You giggle, wiping your tears away. "Thanks, dude."

A light knock is heard at the door before it's opened, revealing Hawk with a tray carrying four bowls of mac and cheese, forks stuck in each of them. In his pockets are water bottles, two shoved in each one. The purple haired boy lightly sets the food down on your dresser, handing a bowl to each of you, then tossing you a bottle of water.

You all eat in silence, you trying to gather your thoughts while the others attempt to even wrap their minds around what you were going through after what Miguel did. In the background, on Demetri's phone, The Umbrella Academy plays, his phone perched against a few pillows on the bed where you were all huddled together.

Hawk and Tory share a look before turning back to the screen, enjoying the calm quiet that basked over them.

"what do you mean, why am i bitter???"

"youre being weird about this, we were never anything. you were basically a rebound. get over it omfg"

The three look up from your phone then at you, astonished looks painting their expressions. Their eyebrows are furrowed, their eyes widened.

"What the fuck?" Tory asks, "You weren't lying about that, were you?"

You shake your head. "Literally, what does he want from me? Of course I'm mad, he basically lead me on and won't explain why he was making out with his ex, then bragging to his friends about "oh we're casual"

Demetri bites his lower lip, trying not to laugh, considering it was a nervous tic of his. He shares an eyebrow jump with Hawk before listening in again. Hawk quickly grabs your phone from your hands unexpectedly.

"Dude-"

"What're you doing?"

"Calling him"

"What?!"

"Why?"

"I'm not talking to him-"

The dial tone makes your skin crawl as you hear it.

"Just let it out," Hawk shrugs, handing you the phone.

"Feel like I'd rather do this in real life, Moskowitz."

You feel an absolute weight fall from your shoulders as it moves to the voicemail, seeing as Miguel declined the call himself. You sigh out of relief, quickly shutting your phone off.

You glare at Hawk.

"Would you rather do it face to face? I can tell him to meet me somewhere and we'll jump him or something" He shrugs.

"Violence isn't gonna help anything," Tory declines. "We'll get him to go somewhere quiet yet busy. That way, you can expose him or something. Mental violence is better than physical"

"Says the champion of the All Valley girl's team"

"I'm tempted to paralyze him again."

The three friends share half fearful looks, knowing you didn't joke lightly in times like this. They lay their eyes upon Sam and Miguel again, holding hands as they walk through the hallway.

You bite your tongue, trying to hold back yelling profanities as they walk past you. You lean against the red lockers where Demetri fishes out a few textbooks from his. Tory stands by you while Hawk leans against them as well, arms crossed.

"What if we tell people there's a fight, you expose him, since you got receipts, and you beat him up?" Hawk suggests, throwing his idea out there.

You shrug. "I think he could beat my ass. That'd be embarrassing"

He shrugs in return. "Eh. He hasn't been practicing recently. He's probably a little rusty. Like, he hasn't been showing up to class for days"

Tory and Demetri nod to confirm Hawk's statement. You shrug again.

"M'kay"

"You wanna get suspended over this?" Demetri asks, closing his locker.

"First offense," you reply with an informative tone.

"Oh, I'm crazy because I thought you gave a shit about me? Please, inform me what casual is to you"

"Something not serious."

"But that's why we went out on dates, and why I did everything you asked of me?"

"You didn't have too"

"So?"

"So what?"

"So you're a bitch"

You quickly pull your clenched fist back, then push forward to hit Miguel straight in the face. He quickly gasps, along with the bystanders, holding a hand to his now bleeding nose.

"What the hell?"

Tory and Hawk goofily grin while Demetri lightly smiles, proud of you for sticking to your word.

"Too-da-loo, mister casual." You spin on your heel, walking back to your three friends.

They wrap you into side hugs, pulling you away from the shocked boy who'd essentially played you. Bystanders laugh at him and gawk at you, snapping pictures, sending videos across the school.

A happy little smile remains on your face as you're sent home for the rest of the week.

[atom-writings]

hetalia axis & allies (+ canada) xmas headcanons

1.6k words ~ gender neutral headcanons

tw: uhhh christmas obviously. mention of religion and underwear?? uh... i think that's it

a/n: this is my first christmas as a jewish convert so that's been weird. anyway I just wanted something quick, so its mostly a list of gift ideas (:

America

Alfred is SUCH a huge Christmas fan. I mean, canonically he dresses up as Santa, so he goes all out for the entire month of December. He's been working on a huge holiday home display for decades, and it shows.

He plays Santa at his local mall during the weeks leading up to Christmas; and on the night of, he hands out hot cocoa outside his house. It's fun, but it also means he's a little distracted when it comes to you.

What he would get you: Posters of your favourite movies, super comfy pyjamas, expensive figures of characters you like, candy you like but never get for yourself, model planes or Legos for you two to build together, novelty pens, a stupid cowboy costume so you can match <3, those handmade coupons because he 1. Loves you and 2. Forgot about Christmas until yesterday

What he would want: Any video games, Funko Pops, vinyls of music he likes, those big packs of shirts (he is constantly running out of shirts because he rips or irreparably stains them,) Marvel comics, anything with an eagle on it, those mini wacky waving inflatable tube men things, bulk pens and pencils because he also breaks those constantly-

England

Arthur is not big into Christmas and never has been. He'll celebrate with you, but he's not going out when it comes to any aspect. If anything, he finds it a little exhausting getting gifts for everyone

But, he does adore walking around and looking at all the lights. He'll do that a couple times with you in December.

What he would get you: Any novel you’ve mentioned even once, tickets to a concert both of you will enjoy, classy jackets that fit you perfectly, cute keychains, fancy art supplies, fragrances that remind him of you, bags/purses that fit your style, CDs

What he would want: Sewing supplies (thread, new needles, new fabric scissors,) framed photos of the two of you, Doctor Who merch, foreign tea, a book on how to take care of your eyebrows properly (he will not learn otherwise,) slippers, those sarcastic magnets that all millennial women have at least one of, any ridiculous piece of merch with the union jack on it

France

Francis has very mixed feelings about Christmas. On one hand, he hates how consumerist it has become, but on the other hand, nothing makes him happier than seeing the joy the season brings to others.

Plus, he does enjoy giving and receiving presents. The music too? Wonderful. As long as you don't get too stressed out, the holiday should be perfect.

What he would get you: Tons of clothes; stuff that's already your style, and completely new stuff, room decorations (NOT posters,) a reservation at a nice restaurant, bracelets that he made for you, makeup (if you like that kind of thing,) candles that smell like his cologne, CHEESE

What he would want: Fancy fabric, any clothes (he doesn’t care what they are as long as you think they’d look good on him…) paintings or photography, literally ANYTHING creative you’ve made, hair ties (he loses at least 5 a day,) bird stuffed animals, (Basically anything! Francis is not picky)

China

Christmas is a new occurrence for Yao, and he isn't the biggest fan. He'll buy you stuff for it, but he would do that normally. The lights and the music aren't anything special to him either. Basically, he won't celebrate unless you want to.

What he would get you: Elaborate, very expensive jewellery, huge stuff like a car, Chinese cookbooks, traditional clothes that he made specifically to represent you (: luxury handbags (that he got at SUCH a good discount,) tons of weird off-brand merch of your favourite show, probably a nice meal too!

What he would want: Yao is hard to buy for. Soft robes, stuff to help with back pain, face masks, Hello Kitty keychains… reading glasses maybe?

Russia

Although he isn't as excited about Christmas as he is about the New Year, he still loves the holiday. It's a nice excuse to see family, and everyone is just so happy around the season! He's especially excited to celebrate it with you.

He's not the best at giving gifts, but he could be worse. Regardless of whether you like all of it, you're gonna get a lot of stuff.

(Also, he plays Santa for the kids sometimes. It's so cute-)

What he would get you: Random knick-knacks he probably found at a local market, knitted hats and gloves in your favourite colour, a scarf to match his, tickets to go somewhere warm on vacation, stuffed animals! books that made him think of you (usually philosophical or religious novels,) pretty rocks (:

What he would want: SUNFLOWERS! (This works for every occasion,) baked goods, clothes that aren’t 250 years old- new doilies and paintings to decorate his house, pictures of yourself, friendship bracelets, stuffed animals, if you can make a scarf somehow, DO THAT

North Italy

Feliciano cares about Christmas in a more religious way, but he's never mad about getting presents. So, he'll probably spend most of the day in church, but he still did put a lot of effort into getting you stuff you love.

What he would get you: Pajamas & bath robes, shitty romance novels that he wants you to read, weird hand-made knick-knacks, makeup, strange mugs that he found at a thrift store, a painting of you (: probably a pair of his boxers-

What he would want: New paint brushes, novelty pasta shapes, fancy jackets, any art that you’ve made (regardless of quality,) cat stuffed animals, The Ability To Get A Grip, skincare products, shiny garbage (For art purposes, duh,) those handmade coupon things

Germany

Ludwig does not enjoy Christmas particularly. He's terrible at giving gifts but he wants to so desperately that he spends all of winter stressing out about it. Yes, he's excited to see your reaction to his gifts, but at what cost?!

Although he does still like all the decorations at least. Maybe he just likes re-decorating though.

What he would get you: Puzzles you can complete together, soft sweaters, practical stuff you need (like book bags, lens cloths, that kind of thing,) stationery, reservations for private tours at museums you would find interesting, a subscription to whatever silly service you want (:

What he would want: Books about city planning, nerdy card games, a fun lanyard, a new coffee machine, those aroma-therapy diffuser things, household tools like vacuums and stuff (Get him an air fryer. He’s going to be fascinated.) stress balls, pens (He is boring.)

Japan

Kiku really has no particular feelings towards Christmas. If you weren't there, the most he would do was put up a mini tree. He's stressed out by both giving and receiving presents and is only willing to do that kind of thing if you want to.

What he would get you: Electronics, merch of your favourite Sanrio character, books that he thinks you’ll like, stickers, a bento box, comfy sweatpants, cute hairpins, plushies from your favourite media, a bunch of pillows, some obscure Japanese snacks too!

What he would want: Miku figures, posters, video games, manga, general nerdy stuff, history novels (he likes to correct them,) blackout curtains, cute face masks, a Polaroid camera, a guide on socialization (Seriously.) a knit scarf, if you can knit (:

South Italy

Romano desperately wants to care about Jesus more than getting gifts. He's a devout catholic, g*ddamnit! But... he does just really love eating baked goods and getting gifts more than anything. Getting together with family, the music, the lights, he just ADORES the holiday.

What he would get you: Blankets and pillows, your favourite snacks, clothes that are a little more revealing- cruise tickets (if going on wouldn’t be hell for you,) a journal where he wrote down all of the things he loves about you (completely honestly,) religious items, fancy perfumes

What he would want: Paintings from local artists, post-its (so he can finally remember SOMETHING,) anything with the Italian flag on it, stupid bumper stickers, pictures of the other nations that you’ve written insults on, fancy patterned scarves and fabric

Prussia

Like Alfred, Gilbert loves Christmas in a very childish way. He embraces that side of himself during the holidays and he'd love it if you joined him in that. He constantly insists on going out to see the lights, and he just can't get enough of Christmas movies. Even the bad ones (He's a Hallmark girlie.)

What he would get you: A vintage music box, hair dye, DVDs of your favourite movies (just to have,) stationery, random snacks he picked up from a gas station an hour ago, weirdly sentimental jewellery? Vintage journals, pictures of himself

What he would want: Coupons (???) goofy temporary tattoos, metal CDs, tea (he’s weirdly embarrassed about liking tea and doesn’t buy it for himself?) vintage maps that he can frame and hang up, probably like, WD40? DC comics, novelty trophies, Pokemon cards, video games

Canada

More than anything, Matthew loves winter. So, therefore, he loves Christmas! Seeing you smile when you open your gifts, he looks forward to it all season. It seems like the only time of year when everyone else is either as miserable or as happy as he is, so it's his favourite holiday.

Cuddling up in front of the fireplace with hot cocoa, watching some old Christmas movie, its all he wants.

What he would get you: Comfy hoodies, comfy slippers too, hot cocoa packs, big stuff like a new PC or fridge or smth- decorations for your room, face masks, fidget toys, novelty Canadian keychains, figures of your favourite characters, festive sweets (like candy-canes and stuff.)

What he would want: Anything with a maple leaf (yes, he wants MORE of that,) boring stuff like socks, wood-working tools or like a new snow shovel, fairy lights, DVDs (because he still uses them? Why.) a new phone case, gift cards (HES BORING,) pre-packaged crafts, lotion and cologne that smells like pine

merry christmas if you celebrate! this'll probably be the last full thing I post until 2024, so thanks to all you readers for sticking around this year (: you have no idea how much it means to me. i love yall. and to all a good night or whatever santa said

[pacentia]

Pairing: female human!reader x Homelander

Setting: somewhere post season 3

Synopsis: just a lil drabble about providing John the home and the family that he so desperately craved.

Tags: nsfw cause it's Homelander, sweetness, intimacy, love, Homelander has his kids, Homelander relaxes for once

Note: my boyfriend made me watch The Boys. Little did he know I was going to develop a pathological crush on a broken homicidal maniac ❤️

“Daddy, look!”

It was a simple word that John was never going to take for granted. A word that his super-hearing could pick out of a thousand voices from miles away. If any -fucking- one would ever dare lay a hand on his beautiful and pure daughter - John swore he was going to -

“John, get out of your head.” You smiled at your lover, America’s most powerful superhero, the man that you called your husband. He lounged on the patio of your spacious mansion in Long Island, American flag waving in the wind, overlooking the big green gated garden in which your baby girl Jane was playing and running around. At last, he was finally enjoying a day off from all of those idiot cocksuckers at Vought, his words.

John’s stoic face snapped into a broad smile, accompanied by a million micro-expressions when you joined from the kitchen, bringing freshly baked chocolate cookies into the scene. Honest to God, he had everything that his pained heart missed in front of him: a perfect wife, his son Ryan, and his baby Jane. The young girl’s eyes widened, and she ran like a speedster to the source of the smell.

“When your daughter asks you to look, you better look.” You grinned, placing a soft kiss on his unruly blond locks, taking a bite from one of your cookies. John grinned to himself, and reached out his strong arms to his daughter, inviting the girl in his arms. She didn’t hesitate to jump right in his lap. “Here, a flower for daddy.” Jane giggled, placing a pink flower in his blonde hair.

The combination of a pink flower decorating his hair, and the violent background that he possessed was quite a hilarious contrast. The Supe didn’t give two fucks about that, he’d let his daughter put a whole fucking flower crown on his head. Anything she wanted was law. Your children were incredibly spoiled, because John wanted everything for them that he’d never got to experience. He had a rocky start with Ryan, but John had learned patience in time, much against his own nature.

You weren’t related to Ryan in any way, but you knew what had happened 5 years ago when he first released his heat gaze. He went through traumatic stuff, and you were always there to comfort him. His dad taught him how to harness his growing powers over the years, but he was too shy to get introduced to the Seven and Vought and all that shit. Vought was a huge fan in pushing Ryan to follow in Homelander’s footsteps, to become the next commander of the Seven. However, John quickly realized that his son expressed little interest, so he zapped that idea down (much to his own pain).

To the outside world, Homelander was still the same heroic figure. To Vought, he was the same nightmare to deal with.

But you loved him.

All of him. All of his insecurities, his simultaneous God complex, his devious desires and his bloodlust. He was convinced that his kind was the master race, but you, a mere human, held a special place in his heart. You were his darling girl that was able to give him a home, and accepted him for the fucked up man that he was. He had already incinerated and executed people for you. It’s a way he showed his devotion to you.

And he’d do anything to keep that little princess in his arms safe, no matter the cost. Same with Ryan, and with you.

[fleuraimer]

…. perhaps a harry x reader blurb to spare 🤲 i will take anything u want to give me. fluff or smut or both or neither ❤️❤️❤️❤️ u rock and my name is also evelyn so i feel bonded to u

u've absolutely made my day with this evelyn :((( i hope you like what i've concocted bestie, she's kinda all over the fucking place, but nonetheless, i hope you enjoy <33

wc: 2k

cw: not much, super fluffy, mildly (perhaps majorly) suggestive. not suitable for ramadan!! not proofread. lmk if i missed anything pls!!

Spring is here.

Fucking finally.

All the seasons were lovely to Y/N, each offered something the others didn’t—couldn’t. But spring was different. Special.

Like him.

Like Harry.

Perhaps that’s why her love for it blossomed like the tulips lining her bedroom window; there was something about seeing her usually soft boyfriend get ten times softer as leaves started to sprinkle branches, blades of grass flashed a vibrant green once more, and the sun kissed the earth that got to her tender heart.

It was especially difficult to not melt when he’d planned a small outing for them, centered around the perfectly warm weather. Instead of waiting until nightfall and driving to some stuffy restaurant (although their dinner dates were never anything less than exquisite), they walked hand-in-hand down the boulevard in broad daylight, gentle wisps of wind the only thing surrounding them, as well as the quiet conversation of other passersby.

They didn’t talk. They didn’t have to. They were perfectly content to relish in the mere presence of one another—soak in the rays of sun, and warmth. Love.

Thumbs gave mindless, delicate strokes against the back of palms, rucking up rings, kissing knuckles in apology, and putting them back in place, just to repeat it all over again. The knitted fabric of Harry’s cardigan is soft when it brushes against Y/N’s bare arm (she decided that it was absolutely perfect weather to slip on her favorite flowy sundress, cinched at the waist and flared at the hips, printed with obnoxiously serene-looking flowers and hummingbirds, with a square neckline that farmed the intricate necklace Harry bought her for their second anniversary quite stunningly), but his hand in hers was softer. Better.

Said hand tugs on hers, urging her away from the beaten path and into the ravine of tall, never-ending trees—willows and oaks; sycamores, birches, and maples, too. She resists, no less. Looks down at the cobblestone beneath her soles, and the cute kitten heels that (in her humble opinion) tie her whole spring-era look together.

She pouts.

And then a head of chocolate obscures her view of the pristine, white triangle toes. A hand placed both respectfully and salaciously on her ankle, coaxing her foot to slip from its confines, makes her breath catch in her suddenly dry throat.

Her kind eyes glaze over, ever so slightly.

“Y’don’t have’t—”

“I want to, Bellissima.”

Her shoe slips from her foot with a soft clatter on the ground when he manages to pry her sole from the earth, but it barely registers in her brain. In fact, everything else seems to fade away into the lovely spring that encompasses them when Harry guides his hand further up, along her fleshy calf, and leans in to place a chaste, staggering kiss to the bridge of her foot.

She wobbles, but they both know it’s not because she’s been left to balance on one foot.

Harry smiles, faint—the crater in his stubbled cheek is nearly invisible—and nudges his nose along the smooth skin of her leg.

He works diligently (as diligently as one can when removing a shoe) to rid Y/N of her footwear, relieving her of any worry or pain.

He looks pleasantly boyish when he looks up at her, smiles all cheeky, and winks for good measure. Kneeling on cobblestone in a worn pair of jeans, suede, dirty Adidas, and a vintage band tee that smells of stale coffee, Chanel No. 5 (one of many preferred perfumes of Y/N), and sex no matter how many times they run it through the wash; the green of his seafoam eyes twinkling in the sunlight, sunnies pushing his hair back, and yet one rogue curl still bends and twirls with the wind, falling in a perfectly aesthetic spiral when it settles…

Soft. Boyfriend. Hers.

Her Harry.

He stands to his full height, and they’re much closer than she’d thought they would be, but she’s certainly not complaining. Where before she stood at (about) Harry’s collarbone, now her head barely reaches the underside of his pecs. Her neck strains to keep eye contact as he slips his free hand back into her awaiting palm, the latter of which occupied with their stuffed picnic basket, and now her precious kitten heels.

“Need me to carry you?” He asks, ready to suffer at least a week’s worth of back pain if it meant he’d keep that love-struck, glowy, adorable (subby, stupid, filthy) look on his girl’s face.

Y/N’s eyes widen subtly, though enough for Harry to notice, and he can’t help but have to stifle a chuckle at her bashful demeanor.

“No, thank you,” she squeaks, and now she’s the one tugging his hand, urging them into the abyss of greenery, away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

The grass feels soft, ticklish, between her powder pink painted toes; she feels her lips stretch into a small grin because of it. They walk idly until they find a soft patch of vividly green grass directly under a tree, kissed fleetingly by the rays of sunlight peaking through the gaps of branches and leaves.

Harry lets his hand fall from Y/N’s (and can’t help but feel slightly colder because of it) to unpack their picnic basket. He grabs the signature red gingham picnic blanket from its place in the basket, releasing its folded form with a flourish. The material floats gracefully through the air until settling on the grass, near gingerly with the way it stops at just the very tips of the blades.

He kicks his chin toward the blanket in invitation as he settles on top of it himself, beginning to remove the contents inside their basket. Sandwiches, fruits, veggies; assorted cheeses and meats, cake, and, arguable most important, wine. He wastes no time in popping the cork from the rouge, pouring a generous amount into each of the pinot noir glasses he’d carefully tucked in the picnic basket.

Y/N kneels onto the blanket, walking on her knees until Harry is within reach, and his incessantly grabby hands are (surprise, surprise!!) grabbing her. He hands her her wine glass and sets his off to the side for the time being, sliding his bear palms up the full of her thighs, the swell of her bum, small of her back…

She shivers as they pet down again, nails biting at her hips to grip and pull her into his lap.

“Too far,” he grumbles, nuzzling in the space where her neck and collarbone meet. He peppers soft kisses along the strong bone, inhaling the natural, overwhelming scent of her. His girl.

Y/N goes easily, sipping slowly at her red wine while her free hand comes up to his hair, fingers threading through the fluffy tendrils. She snatches his sunnies away when they block her half-hearted scalp massage, muttering delicate apologies when the bend of them gets stuck in his hair and he hisses at the sting.

“Sorry, Baby,” she winces herself, chucking the damned glasses onto the blanket when she’s gotten them loose, kissing along the crown of his head to soothe any ache.

She sips more, tart grape hitting her tongue, sugary plum sliding down her throat, strawberry slicking her lips. She’s borderline greedy with the way she downs it, but they’ve got nowhere to be. Only here. Just here. Now.

She twists in Harry’s laps to grab one of the homemade BLTs, offering the half she won’t stuff her fat gob with to Harry, which he politely accepts. They munch quietly, sharing soft smiles and love-sick kisses in between bites. Conversation is sparse, but not bad. Never bad. If anything, the weight of their words is heavier because they’re so few and far between.

They both like it that way, anyhow.

When their feast has dwindled down to nothing but a few fruits and cakes, Harry fishes his phone from his pocket, and reaches in the picnic basket to grab his trusty pair of wired headphones. Hooking them up to his phone, he looks expectantly to Y/N. She raises her brow, never one to move unprompted.

Harry smirks, “Come, Bellissima.”

Her heart flitters, her stomach flutters, and her eyes round out (Harry tries not to think about how fucking easy—). She crawls back to him, in a way that is unnecessarily intimate and innocent, and simultaneously astoundingly nasty, but he tucks the image into the deep, deep, dark recess of his mind so he doesn’t get arrested for public indecency. Saves it for later (call it his spankbank).

He tucks a loose strand of her hair behind her ear before handing her and earbud, and lying down on his side. She follows, the two inserting the device into their ears at the same time. Her head instantly floods with staggered strings and piano, static, and then bass. Saxophone and acoustic guitar being delicately plucked, followed by a heady, gentle voice, similar to Bowie (but never as iconic).

“About You,” she whispers to him, her lips quirking.

Harry nods. Smiles, “The 1975.”

As the music progresses—the subtle vibrato of Matty Healy’s croon, the crescendo of each instrument and sound blending together to create one beautiful, extravagant, mind-bending symphony—Y/N swears she can see all five oceans in his eyes. The clear, breathtaking reefs, the lines that separates it from the rest of the water, dividing the calm from the chaos, the serene from the danger. She sees the deep, the unknown she wishes the dive further into, explore and discover, treasure for nothing but her own heart. And the seafoam that crashes up against the shore, the way it bubbles with joy and glistens in the light of the sun at the horizon, ever so fleeting as it washes back down the grains of sand.

She sees it all.

“S’pretty,” she mumbles, scooting closer as much as she can.

Harry wraps the arm not tucked under his head around her waist, pulling her closer. His eyes flit dazedly between her two.

She may see the ocean, but he sees the sky. The constellations, laid out for him beautifully, his for the taking. His.

He nods, “S’pretty.” Bumps his nose childishly against hers, smiles softly, triumphantly, when it scrunches up. His eyebrows pull together in the center, and he huffs a breath through his nose, “S’fucking gorgeous, Stellina.”

His mouth is on her before she can ask for a translation (there’s only some many Italian pet names a girl can recall) tongue prodding at the seem of her lips until they give way and he can slide the wet muscle against her own. She tastes of their shared wine and vanilla buttercream, and he tastes of fresh peaches, mozzarella, and tangy balsamic vinegar. And yet, somehow, it mixes together to create something new, something better, arguably. He fits her bottom lip between his two, nipping and sucking at the plump flesh, pulling breathy whimpers and faint moans from his lover. His grunts and groans in response are no less self-deprecating (they were both, admittedly, getting extremely hot over a couple of third date level kisses).

Neither paid it much mind, however. Especially not when Harry flips around so he’s lying on his back and she’s pressed firmly against his torso, belly’s melding, chests grazing. Y/N can’t stifle her soft gasp at the heavy weight of Harry against her inner thigh, but she can’t reprimand him, for she is no better—there’s a puddle in the gusset of her panties.

“Harry,” she whines, lashes fluttering when his hands find the swell of her bum and squeeze through the flimsy fabric of her sundress.

“G'na take y'home now, Bellissima,” he husks against her open mouth, tongue flicking at the swollen mess. “Fuck you the way y'deserve for being such a good girl today—” She bristles, rocking into him and crying out softly because of it. “—and if y'keep it up, we’ll go to tha’ cute little flee market y'keep tellin’ me about, yeah?”

She’s being bribed with his (impeccable; divine; otherworldly) cock and her love for all things vintage.

“Can we go to the botanical garden, too?”

Harry snorts, issues a teasing spank to her bum that makes her squeal, but smiles, nevertheless. “Sure, Baby, whatever y'want.”

(Impeccable; divine; otherworldly) Cock, a flee market, and a botanical garden?

She’s in heaven. In happiness. In full bloom.

She fucking adores spring.

[ninadove]

Hello, all respectfully, may I ask, why do you want emilie to be dead? I mean adrien deserves to have his mom back, don’t you think? You can answer it thru private chat if it makes you more comfortable.

No that’s perfectly fine! I love getting a chance to overanalyse and write down my own thoughts! 📝

So, I have a complicated relationship with Emilie as a character, but I don’t hate her by any means. I do believe she is a lot less pure and innocent than we were first led to believe, but that makes her much more compelling, so as far as I’m concerned it’s a great writing choice.

The reason I think she should be dead, or more accurately, stay dead (the nuance is crucial), is simply storytelling.

As fun as the show is, it is also pretty serious when it wants to be, and these 5 seasons were written with a couple of core messages in mind:

Part of the experience of being human is to accept that there is no magical solution to our problems. Sometimes things don’t work out, sometimes we lose the people we care about; and actions bring consequences, always. This is why using the Peacock carries such a heavy toll, even after it is fixed, and why the Lucky Charm primarily relies on Marinette’s intelligence and creativity (characteristically human qualities) rather than being an automatic problem solver.

Whenever these losses occur — you have to move on. Staying stuck in the past means depriving yourself of a chance to enjoy the present and plan for the future. All of the events of these 5 seasons were triggered by Gabriel’s inability to accept the concept of death, and by his attempts to drag all of Paris down the pits of grief (symbolised by the akuma attacks) with him — starting with his own son.

Of course, Adrien deserves to be happy and loved! And Emilie herself explains how it can happen:

By letting her go.

Adrien is an extremely strong and loving kid who, unlike his father, is able to shoulder the pain while still opening himself up to the world. Gabriel trying to bring Emilie back did nothing to fix the sorrow his son had to deal with; in fact, it cost him his other parent and a normal childhood in the process.

But the thing is — Adrien does not need Emilie anymore.

He has a girlfriend who loves him so much she gave his dad one last chance to make the right choice, despite all the pain he caused (and will likely continue to cause from the grave). He has a cousin who loves him so much he was willing to burn the world down, then help fix it to protect him. He has amazing friends who supported him through this entire ordeal (special shout-out to Nino, who has been on Gabriel’s case since S1 E9), even when he did not feel comfortable enough to share the full extent of the abuse he was going through. He has Amelie and Nathalie, who will provide him with the motherly love he needs in his life, and Tom and Sabine, who are already packing him his breakfast every morning because they’ve carved him a place in their family and hearts. Also, he has a cheese-eating demon who lives in his pocket.

No one is entitled to raising the dead, and Adrien would never even consider it. But he does deserve love and care and happiness, things his father deprived him of in his senseless quest to defy the laws of nature — things he was able to build for himself because he chose to be kind and vulnerable despite his grief.

Season 6 will be terrible on him, but he will come back stronger on the other side. And in doing so, he will send an important message to the core audience of the show: young children who will sooner or later have to mourn a loved one themselves, but will know they can be OK thanks to his example.

And you know, sometimes us adults need a little reminder too. 💚

[thehotelpod]

ONE MORE WEEK OF DOUBLE STUFF OCTOBER LETS DO SEASON 5 OF IZZY'S EPISODE ART

5.1 Merp and Burble

Our first Big Named Event arc! "BEHIND THE CURTAIN" which I'm almost certain I picked because we could do this cool ass curtain frame device. Izzy continues to bring the pain here with photo bashed curtains, a modified Madam Hotel horrifyingly cartooning about like bugs bunny to reveal our almost Trevor Henderson-like trail cam timelapse photo of Merp. He also gave me a number of color options on this one, maybe we'll have a section in The Guestbook Vol. II of bts sketches? I'll ask Izzy. This one holds a special place in my heart because Merp is, as devotees will recall, just Scary Slar.

rest of the season under the cut! (it's long, you've been warned)

5.2 It Watches and It Smiles

look! The curtain connects at the top! It's gonna be one long picture!

This monster was actually based on a 3 foot tall hard foam statue we had in our house growing up. It is actually scarier looking than you are imagining, made every one of my cousins cry, and is not only something I had nightmares about but also one of the main reasons so much of my horror is "something weird is Over There but looking at you". Full disclosure, one of the reasons I put this monster in this episode was so that Izzy would have to draw a postcard of it and maybe someone would recognize it and tell me what the hell it is because I have not so much as a single photograph of it. BUT then Izzy showed me this drawing, which almost completely hides the monster but it's just so so good I couldn't pass it up. The implied shape and DYNAMITE bloody palm fronds make this look so much like a 90s book cover I fell in love right away. We always try to keep those season and episode numbers in the postcards now too, but I think we forget sometimes?

5.2 Nothing Can Kill That Which Glowers

LOOK AT THIS ONE. Madam Hotel rotting in the reflection of the bubble (she was supposed to show up more in those episodes and sort of be in the process of rotting but she ended up being a single light instead.), I'm crazy about the Owner here, Izzy loves to always keep a little monster in the mix when he draws the Staff. And miss Manager POPS like an 80s music video. Lot's of subtle layers and textures here that can get overlooked, but just like the lake the Owner sinks into, it deepens the longer you linger (did you find the episode number?)

I also like to remind everyone that 'That Which Glowers' is the Grimace and this episode title is a reference to the Clerks cartoon.

5.4 We Are...Watching You...

But are you really LOOKING at it? Do you SEE Izzy's MIND? Lined up you get back to back Managers mirroring each other as well as Madam Hotel in the wings of the now completed curtains--these doubles ALSO frame what is hopefully implied to be the Lobby Boy's hand reaching for his Manager. All of this duality and connection not only reinforces what we know about the characters and show already but set up beautifully the new mirrors about to arrive...

5.5 The Bellhop

THERE SHE IS! There's my goblin girl. You get the bloody vision of the Hotel as Hop sees it as well as the framing for a triptych of the New Crew, each on their own floor. The New Crew stands apart from the Staff in that they have canonical designs immediately, so there tends to be less variation on their fan designs. However there was like ONE WEEK or so before this episode dropped where people were drawing Hop ALL KINDS OF ways. She's one of my favorite designs Izzy's done for the show and I think it's partially because she looks a little like ET.

5.6 The Concierge

Shut up. Shut UP. Look at those colors. Look at that face. Look at those shoulders. Look at those colors! THE COLORS DUKE! THE COLORS!!!! and those printing spots breaking up the lines, all layered over starlight?! It should be, at this point, very hard for Izzy to outdo himself but...he just keeps on outdoing it. We jump down a floor here and the Concierge has slightly more brick surrounding him than the Bellhop did so my pattern recognizers in the crowd can probably guess what's coming next--

5.6 The Auditor

It's been pointed out that Aud has gotten the most detailed description of the main characters on the show. I try to always keep it vague so everyone can imagine whatever they like , but the Auditor is so weird I just wanted to play a little. I saw this scary looking, lonely monster begging to be seen in all white surrounded by nothing. Even the brick and mortar of the Hotel doesn't seem to want to be around her much. One thing I love about Izzy's work is how well he combines whimsy and fun with actual scary imagery. She looks really scary. That is a scary looking monster he drew.

I also think she kind of looks like this alien from Star Trek IV (hey look Star Trek showed up)

5.9 Tenaj Druh - 004 Moor

Oh how I wish I could have a full set of New Crew postcards from Izzy seeing season 1 from a different perspective (for that matter I'd love a full set of season 1 from Izzy, but one thing at a time). Getting to not only see Janet Hurd, but see the NEW CREW checking her in is so so exciting. And the Manager's TV's re-imagined as giant bloody eyeballs is expressed to it's grossest perfection here. Even the Goosebumps frame is tinted sickly green. (the rest of the season also has Goosebumps frames but I'm trying to show off Izzy's art I want you all to have a good look)

5.10 Tnurb Yrrah - 002 Moor

this one's bonkers. The Hubble's ultra deep field on the left, brains on the right but both halves of one face with the broken illusion between them that is just the building of the Hotel herself?? It's got poster folds and teeth for doors! This is a really stunning one that I feel like deserves a little more attention than it gets. Also maybe I spoke too soon on the Goosebumps frame, I don't...this one doesn't have one but maybe I just saved that file somewhere weird.

5.11 IT'S NEW YEARS EVE, JUDY BLASHY!

This is i think the first one we did that had a Goosebumps frame baked in. You can see the 5 and 11 on the clock give us our season and episode number, but that gets a little lost on the printed version so here it is in all it's glory. Love to get to see Judy here her FACE is so EXPRESSIVE and sharp. Notice how Izzy does NOT draw her with a gap tooth. Is that gap battle damage, or some aesthetic flourish the Hotel likes for her bodies? You'd have to ask Izzy. Also love getting to see him draw the things in her furnace room, which are like huge and imply a much larger elevator inside the box. Always reinforcing that boundaries and rules do not apply at the Hotel

they are also based on the family from Mac and Me

what the fuuuck?? why are they so scary??? why are they like that?? why did they make this movie this way?? I was a child!

5.12 The Reaper's Envy

Finishing up the season is this gorgeous party poster that would be right at home in the 90s. Other than the colors (THE COLOR!) I want to point out the confetti that breaks out of the border that also quietly includes some vermin (all up top, letting your eye drift down to the New Crew being reflected in what hopefully everyone assumed was Judy Blashy's eye. Of course we know now who's eye that is and what it's connected to (nothing its nothing it got cut out)

And that's season 5. Now we have entered the @filthyguts desert and must wait once again for the rains to return. I've got new ideas for season 6 that are gonna completely change how we do the art for the show and maybe we can even squeeze some button designs out of him when we launch the next wave of stuff we're launching.

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again and 100 more times, but Izzy's art is a hugely important part of the show, a source of inspiration not only to the fans who listen but to me myself (especially in my lower moments) and I am so so happy that his art and his style has come to define the show.

[starguardianniom]

The Paris Special and Cataclysm

So the special happened right after Destruction ended, so right after Monarch deliberately made Chat Noir use Cataclysm on him so Ladybug could not longer have any leverage on him and escape with the Lucky Charm, dooming himself.

A bit later the same night Claw Noir, while fighting Chat Noir, Cataclysm himself and doesn't seem bothered after letting out a scream. Or the physical pain doesn't even reach the level of emotional pain he feels during that time, who knows.

So Chat Noir has his own father and an evil alternate version of himself who literally had him hurt themselves and he's horrified.

They are willing to hurt each other if it means they can win in the long run, showing their goals have past reached their own wellbeing. It just shows how unhealthy they are mentally and how it poisons their minds.

Cataclysm here seems to be the symbolism of their destructive grief and negative emotions, they let it consume and hurt themselves rather than trying to heal and move on. And grief can literally kill you, dying of a broken heart is a real thing, and I feel that in the special it showed us the 2 possible outcomes of it.

Negative emotions can lead you to spiral that can end with you also destroying yourself emotionally and physically, though I don't feel like I need to go into details, I feel the special kind of showed some ideas well enough.

In the first one outcome, which would be Gabriel since he got Cataclysmed first before Betterfly, Shadybug and Claw Noir showed up, Gabriel never let go of his grief and negative emotions, doesn't want to move on from Émilie and wants to bring her back no matter what, that's the outcome of letting grief and negative emotions consume you entirely.

The second outcome is Claw Noir not minding to get Cataclysmed himself and keeps using his power all the time, but in the end after a talk with Adrien, he choose to let it go and finally start to heal rather than stewing in his bitterness, sadness and loneliness and the all consuming, numbing pain of grief and all the dark emotions that comes with it. Of course he still has work ahead of himself, but he did the first most important step, and it was to accept that his mother was gone and would have prefered him to be happy rather than being miserable and mourning her loss for the rest of his life, and sure you can keep mourning your loved ones, but it doesn't mean that you can't learn to live with it and move on and be happy yourself, they still stay with you in your heart, and they would want you to live a long and happy life even if they're aren't around anymore.

I think this is why in the end (apart from the other reason of plot device since we still had the rest of season 5 to go through) Claw Noir got healed from his Cataclysm wound by Shadybug's Miraculous Cure, whereas Monach wasn't, because Claw Noir was ready to let go of his grief, Monarch wasn't, so Claw Noir got healed cause he wanted to stop hurting over his mother's disappearance after a talk with his alternate self who completely understood his feelings and situation and told him his own experience and offered advice that helped him be in a much better mental state that he was, but Monarch didn't want to give up on Émilie after getting most of the miraculouses after he feels so close after all this time so he wasn't healed because he couldn't let go, as he is obsessed over Émilie and his goal.

Which brings to their fate, Claw Noir lives, while Monarch at the end of season 5, dies, well choose to die and join Émilie and fix Nathalie rather than facing the consequences of his actions more would be it, getting what he wanted and also not entirely, given he was supposed to bring Émilie back and sacrifice someone else so that they could be a happy family again, but instead he chose to orphanate Adrien and be with Émilie and have Nathalie guard Adrien at the last second, he's still a horrible excuse of a parent and while I'm beyond pissed at this ending I'm also beyond done watching him do anymore crap for the following seasons.

So in the Paris Special there was the lowkey message of either you let your grief and negative emotions destroy you or you choose to accept them and start moving on to heal, and it was symbolised by Cataclysm.

It doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel grief or negative emotions, you can't be happy 24/7 for your entire life, but letting them out in a healthy way instead of stewing in them without letting them go is what I feel the Special was about.

Thoughts?

Feel free to add your own piece of interpretation to it too.

[ijustliketoreadstuff]

Lets talk about the London special trailer

Disney channel France released the trailer for the London special, lets dive in and see what's happening. I know TF1 also released another trailer but I want the majority of the special to be a surprise, so I'm just going to analyze one. I'm gonna try to piece together what parts of the trailer are in order, the first being of course Ladybug traveling to London with a very sad look on her face. The London special takes place in the season 5 finale, right after Monarch used the miraculous to make a wish , so of course she feels very troubled on account of that she just witnessed a lot of dark secrets unfold within the Agreste family, during her battle against Monarch at the Agreste mansion.

To top it all off, she even watched in horror as Gabriel chose to die to bring back Nathalie who we saw healthy and alive at the end of the season 5 finale, sitting alongside Amelie.

At this point in the London trailer, Ladybug is aware that Adrien needs to know his father is dead, but this reality will of course be very difficult for Ladybug to say and for Adrien to hear, since he has essentially now lost both his parents. Worst of all, Ladybug knows she cannot comfort Adrien as his girlfriend while she is still Ladybug, and must refrain from showing him too much emotion otherwise she will risk exposing her true identity.

Unfortunately, Adrien was just one part of the aftermath she has to confront, she also has to deal with the public who will of course find out on their own that Monarch is gone from his inactivity alone and will be needing some kind of answer to prevent them from trying to dig on their own about what really went on between Ladybug and Monarch's fight, especially once the entire world finds out that Gabriel Agreste had also gone missing the day Ladybug faced Monarch.

Marinette knows she cannot tell the public Gabriel was Monarch because the consequences from that truth alone would very quickly turn into a violent backlash against Adrien, who had no fault in his fathers choice to be the villain of Paris. She alone is fully aware there are people out there who will not listen to reason as many are already willing to turn against her alone, spreading misinformation and unnecessary hate about her ("Reunion").

Although many people close to Adrien know he would never try to harm anyone the way his father did, the pain and trauma Gabriel inflicted on so many citizens when he was Monarch, will of course leave some people more than willing to find someone to blame for his actions, and the closest to attack will be Adrien if they ever learn of Monarchs identity.

Gabriel left a great burden to Marinette when he asked her not to let Adrien find out he was Monarch, and as much as Marinette hated being asked to carry such a burden, Gabriel knew he left her no other choice, he knew Marinette's love for Adrien could be used to his advantage and force her to keep his identity a secret if she ever wanted to spare Adrien of the pain and consequences that would follow after he was gone.

Next we have what we can easily conclude is the antagonist of the special, this ghost looking person. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this is not Lila despite seeing them in Lila's hideout, the reason being is because at the end of the season 5 finale, we saw Lila in her lair caught by surprise as a bright light suddenly appeared behind her, whatever that light was must have been from this ghost person who did something to Lila.

We don't know who this ghost person is yet, but they know Marinette is Ladybug, knowing exactly where she lives and that her earrings are the ladybug miraculous despite the jewels being in camouflage. In addition to taking the earrings, they also took all the other miraculous that were reconfigured into rings, what they plan to do with all that power, we still wont know until the special releases.

Regardless, whatever this person is doing, it's something that was not meant to happen in the timeline as we can see that their actions have alerted Bunnyx, who very quickly pulls Marinette into the burrow not long after Marinette realizes her earrings and the other miraculous were taken.

In the burrow, Bunnyx and Marinette watch as the various timelines in the time stream are turning black and disappearing, of course they will need to handle whatever it is that messed up the river of time in the first place, but what caused it? If the time stream could be affected by an anomaly such as Ladybug writing her real name on her gift to Adrien back in "Cat Blanc", then this could mean someone out there did something, something small, that they were not supposed to.

Unfortunately, without her earrings, Marinette can't do much against whoever took the miraculous and is now messing up the timestream, she needs the ladybug earrings. The only way she can use them while they are missing, is by borrowing them from another point in time when she wasn't using them. It's not the first time she had to borrow a miraculous from another point in time, they asked Fu from the past to let them borrow the dog miraculous in "Evolution". The only point in Marinette's life when she wasn't wearing the earrings to use in case of an emergency was in "Origins" when she wasn't ready to take on the responsibility of a hero, and that's exactly where we see her travel to in the London trailer. Back in "Origins" Marinette left the earrings in her drawer for the rest of the day, a perfect time for future Marinette to take them temporarily without alerting anyone or causing any damage to the timeline.

Well that just about covers everything in the trailer, now to wait for the official release, see you all in therapy!

[none-ofthisnonsense]

Merlin liveblog (partly for @thisisjustmefangirling )

Season 1 Episode 1:

I’m halfway through the first episode, and so far HOW IS MERLIN SO LUCKY ALL THE TIME. (Also, why has everyone been in Doctor Who?!)

I’m coming into this with some background - I think I watched the first 5 episodes a few years ago? But I don’t really remember them well. Apart from being shot in the heart by Katie McGrath’s beautiful outfits. And also, being on tumblr, I have some mutuals who are fans of it, or I’ve seen gifsets when scrolling through some blogs. And I also do know basic Arthuriana, so I can guess in what position some characters are meant to end up. I’ve got a little background knowledge but not that much. Onto the liveblog!

Merlin you’re behaving like a dramatic teen. Which I guess you are, I don’t really know how old you are.

“Look, I’ve told you you’re an ass, I just didn’t realise you were a royal one.” BEST BOY MERLIN but also he can definitely hurt you and holds power maybe don’t challenge your social superiors too much Merlin mmk?

Merlin. Don’t challenge him. You won’t win.

Yeah tbh if I were Arthur I’d probably laugh too.

Merlin he’s been training his whole life and has power and has weapons and has armour WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN WIN YOU AREN’T ALLOWED MAGIC

“Wow. And how long have you been training to be a prat?” See Merlin gets the best lines but that’s dangerous for him.

Slight discrepancy: how does Arthur know Merlin’s name?

Yeah if I were Gaius I’d have that reaction too. Merlin has NO self-preservation instinct.

I like the music. (Also apparently this was filmed at Pierrefonds, so that’s cool!)

YEAH “OH GOD” WHAT DID YOU THINK MERLIN??? That you’d win??!

(Let’s just pause for a moment and appreciate all those historical inaccuracies. They’re painful but also there are so many it almost warms my heart. They’ve COMMITTED to being historically inaccurate. Though I suppose this is fantasy anyway.)

I like both leads’ actors.

And of course he sees Gaius and loses.

“He may be an idiot, but he’s a brave one.” Merlin summarised in one sentence. This boy is DUMB.

“There’s something about you, Merlin. I can’t quite put my finger on it.” See I’m starting to get why this was explained to me as Destiel before Destiel.

“How could you be so foolish?” We are all, at heart, Gaius.

See Merlin’s problem is he wants to be special. Not to be that person but you’re a servant in the (fantasy) Middle Ages you were always going to be a nobody. Being special is very 2000s not so much 1300s.

Aaaand he’s a dramatic emo boy.

Gaius we love you. You’re so kind and honestly the most relatable character. Gaius is great I love him.

OUCH that looks like it hurts.

Oh fantasy medieval painkillers! That’s cool.

It’s not that I don’t like Eve Myles but I specifically chose Merlin to avoid seeing her and John Barrowman all the time. So. I’ve been seeing her pretty much nonstop for a few weeks. I was sort of hoping to catch a break.

Uther is realistic. (As much as a fantasy character from the fictional Middle Ages playing a mythological king from a fictional kingdom can be realistic, but he is!) Both as a father and as a king. I don’t necessarily agree with him, but he’s definitely the most fleshed out character so far.

That voice is creepy and after watching Torchwood CoE it reminds me of the 456.

Merlin come on. Really?

The camera work on this series is………interesting.

Y a un couvre-feu ou quoi? Pourquoi y a personne dans la cour?

Merlin you’re having too much fun with those dice.

Ohhhh is this the dragon Gaius told him about?

OKAY YEAH IT IS DEFINITELY I didn’t expect us to see the dragon so quickly.

So he has a destiny. Great. We already knew that. But I guess this is establishing characters.

Merlin not understanding is me. Yeah I’m confused too don’t worry.

“If anyone wants to kill him, they can go ahead, in fact I’ll lend them a hand.” At least Merlin is coherent, and funny. If extremely dumb and foolish.

“No. No. There must be another Arthur, because this one’s an idiot.” BAHAHA OKAY THAT’S FUNNY

Oh we get the theme music again when Merlin is asking all his questions.

Yeah again Gaius I get you. Also that’s the bedroom of a teenage boy what did you expect, did you want it to be clean? Gaius you’re aiming too high. I have a 15-year-old brother the most I can wish for is for him to open the window once in a while.

One thing I do like is how well-lit the castle is. It’s nice for once.

Oh please tell me he isn’t getting a crush on Morgana. Noooooo please why does every character always have a crush in these shows can my aroace heart be soothed for a while instead of crushed at every occasion

Merlin is a teenage boy with hormones okay. Check.

Okay Merlin just squeaking to imitate Gwen is funny.

Gwen where are you though?

And she arrives! Gwen and Gaius are easily the most relatable people.

I loooove candle lighting.

OHHHHH I FORGOT ABOUT THE REFLECTION THING NOOOO WHY IS SHE DYING

Oh so Merlin and Arthur have spotted each other- nope that’s just Katie McGrath in an incredible dress that won’t be invented for centuries but since when is accuracy the point of this show. The inaccuracies make it better

Isn’t she your cousin or something Arthur?

Gwen is so sweet! But also. The foreshadowing is starting. “Not that I’d want to marry Arthur.” WELL YOUR NAME IS GUINEVERE. SO I GUESS YOU’RE HEADING THERE ANYWAY GWEN I really hope he improves.

“No, I like much more ordinary men like you.” Gwen is realistic! She doesn’t have ideas above her social station! Finally a character who has some knowledge of where they stand! But also no Gwen please don’t fall in love with Merlin that’s just a bad idea

Gwen deserves better than this world. She’s so sweet and nice and frankly dealing with stuff she isn’t paid for enough. #GiveGwenARaise

Oh phew thank god it’s established she doesn’t like him I don’t think I could have borne it.

Merlin is very much a self-centred emo teenager while Gwen is reasonable and sweet and dealing with so much bullshit I promise Gwen you deserve so much better than dealing with him.

Guys believing the female characters for once would have made a nice change. I guess not, huh?

I love Uther’s voice.

I almost expected her to start singing Memory from Cats but no it makes sense that she’s singing something else actually

I’m 95% sure Eve Myles is dubbed here but also medieval music had lyrics.

OH IT’S A SPELL

The darkening as the spell takes effect is well-done and a touch I wouldn’t have imagined. But also what in the Sleeping Beauty

Merlin I thought you said you’d help anyone trying to kill Arthur? Apparently not, huh?

Those cobwebs look sticky.

How has Merlin not gotten caught yet?!

So he saved Arthur’s life huh. Quite a different reaction to twenty minutes ago. Is this character growth? Or is it him realising how bad it would be if A died? (Or am I just having fun interpreting his joke too literally)

“You shall be Prince Arthur’s manservant.” BAHAHA I LOVE UTHER

the absolute DESPAIR on M and A’s faces

Gaius is having fun.

Oooh a magic book! This’ll be interesting!

Aaand the episode ends.

[dyed-red]

Do you think, if Sam and Dean had a sexual relationship in the early seasons, would it have worked? Or would it have had an impact on their decisions? I personally don't think it would've worked especially during the season 4 and 5 arc, 'coz, Sam was actively trying to slip out of Dean's control and Dean was actively trying to keep Sam in control. Even though canonical sexual encounters of both the brothers suggest Sam being in control and Dean not with their hookups. I believe they are totally different with each other. Like in a give or take type of way. So while they were both trying to be in control of their problems/decisions IRL, would it have affected their sex life if they were actually fucking? Sexual dynamic being a parallel to their canonical dynamic kind of way? Just wanted to know what you think of it. Also I read 'Hungry and Hollow' by hathfrozen : archiveofourown.org/works/34206757 recently and it could've gone that way. Really. Set in season 4 and is sooooooo good. If u haven't read it yet, you should. They are just so fucked up and I loved it. Kind of an analysis of their fucked up unhealthy relationship at that point.

i think it really really depends on what you mean by "relationship" and "worked" here

i don't have much issue imagining a verse in which they cross that boundary and have sexual encounters with one another in those years and we still keep mostly to canon.

one way i can see it play out is boundary crossing in teen years that they play off and doesn't have a romantic feel to it, just tight quarters and - teen stuff, whatever. doesn't count.

and then the mess of emotions that is season one and not picking that back up, or at least not quickly. maybe in mid-late season one, adrenaline fueled and post-hunt desperation and 'can't believe we didn't die' and it's rushed, furious, in the mud and leaning against the side of the impala, foreheads pressed together and breathing the same air and hands on themselves and then on each other, bitten off gaps and angry noises and curses and tipping over the edge one shortly after the other and a moment to breathe and come down before they hurtle apart. clap each other on the back, good job, good hunt. don't talk about it or examine it or whatever. it doesn't count. they aren't going there, aren't going to examine it.

then dad dies and they're a mess, hurtling in a painful polarized orbit around one another, with sam at his wit's end going for some false starts, not overtly but subtly, plausible deniability, and dean rebuffing him. and that being painful and confusing and anger-ifying, especially when dean's making doe eyes at gordon walker and sam knows he's hiding shit of some sort. and then croatoan comes along and the script flips and sam's abuzz with tense restless energy that he won't risk slipping out, and you've got dean trying to bridge the gap. it tumbling close a few times, playthings, and then meg's possession. and i think dean's desire to fix it and take care of sam could lead to some almost false-starts from him, but sam doesn't want to be taken care of, he wants to be taken care of.

i can see it going either way, circling each other and going no where, or else tumbling sideways, half-drunk and jaws pressing to each other's, breathing in the other's ear, smell of whiskey, hands roaming and demanding and too hot and too present but enough to get them there, possibly with a growl or a sob when they reach that peak, possibly with a stolen, angry kiss they have no right to take but all the entitlement to demand. a morning after where they pretend it didn't happen, tense and choppy and then, well, ahbl.

and then you've got the year to live, the sold soul, the depth of that action splaying out things they can't say, and sam trying to come to terms with that shocking reality, what dean's done for him (trying to come to terms with what azazel showed him about himself as a baby, hiding that his mother recongized azazel, and all the ruby shit as she starts weaving a mystery for him about his past and his mother), and dean's trying to shore up his defenses and not feel so exposed considering he just sold his soul, he put it all on the line, there's no hiding how intensely he feels about sam, how bright that burns.

so we get these sort of jumps and starts again, these intense moments and them both feinting, parrying, retreating, like a dance or fight, but crashing together too. that entitlement over each other, the desperation of too little time, the unraveling of sam's psyche and mystery spot, the deepening of dean's anxiety and the realization that he's going to be come a demon after he goes to hell. so it's got the fever pitch of the ticking clock and the anger and snarling vexation of being at odds over how to deal with this and it's urgent and painful and lights out and no way to talk about it or face what it is but they're clinging to each other.

this is where i think it could cross the line into blowjobs, into penetrative sex even maybe. sam's desire to have more of dean, hold onto him and consume him. dean's desperate desire to be saved, to be held, to make sam okay at the same time. it would be messy.

they wouldn't know how to address any of it before dean dies. it's not about being 'in love'. it's not monogamous, it's not romantic. it's something terrifying and intense and there's a point at which sam would be annoyed at pretending it's not happening but he'd probably bite it back in the face of all the other more critical conversations they need to have, the other more important things he needs to convince dean of. and dean, well he's damned anyway, but looking right at it would be terrifying because what if it damns sam. but it can't, it's dean's fault, his responsibility, and he's taking that downstairs with him.

and then - dean is resurrected. and sam is different. and distant. and that's new, or renewed. and they don't, and that's smart. that's better. dean enjoys getting back in that saddle with a beautiful blonde and it's fun and he's not looking to sam for that. that was - grief, and soul-selling desperation insanity, and dean's got hell shit to cope with and - and then it turns out they've been lying and hiding things from each other and sam is fucking around with his powers still and again and it's all -

hard, jagged, and hurt.

and then sam tells dean about what he was up to when dean was dead and then they meet and save ana and dean sleeps with her and things start to even-out a bit. the episode Family Remains with the parent x child incest comes along and they're both uncomfortable, not touching the - all of that. the weird gnarly dynamic that developed between dean and john that sam still doesn't know how to look at, that dean still doesn't know how to sort out emotionally either (and this is all your mileage may vary, as to whether that gnarly relationship was exactly purely canonical in its fucked up-ness or goes deeper, but there is no denying that dynamic was messed up).

but maybe in and around then they tumble toward each other, that gravitational pull, but not in anger. it's hesitant, long questioning looks, door open when they shower, announcing the possibility but each too careful to throw caution totally to the wind again. closeness, charged moments, slipping toward some potential alignment.

and then the siren comes along and fucks them up horribly. and alistair. so it's not till zachariah tosses them into his office AU and they get a sense of reset and intense attraction and then they're on the same page in their anger, and sam makes the first move, and dean makes a high noise in his throat at the sudden shift but doesn't slow it down and they weren't drunk, weren't high on adrenaline, weren't stuck in the mud by the side of the impala, and fuck. when they pull apart and the lights are on and it's not 4am, what the fuck do they say here?

so the awkwardness is new, and new too when they meet chuck, and they are still in a strange place when they meet adam (aka the ghoul masquerading as adam) but sam is feeling more confident in it all than dean, right up until -

yeah, the demon blood thing puts a damper on whatever the hell was developing there.

season 5 is a special kind of pain. and no, it doesn't, can't persist through most of that. not with how they are and where they are with each other. sam so apologetic but also bullish until lucifer comes along, and with a fresh, blunt honesty with dean. and dean, miserable with sam and with where the last year, years, have brought them, where this apocalypse is hurtling them.

but somewhere around the midpoint, feeling a bit more even around each other as of changing channels (with a bit of fisting thrown in for fun) and the supernatural fan convention (the homoerotic subtext thereof), settling in to the possibility again, at least of - something. brotherhood, camaraderie, comparative ease. possibly that 'last night on earth' line working better on sam than it did on jo before trying to shoot lucifer with the colt and losing jo and ellen. possibly them holding each other in the dark, dean initiating because sam can't, and sam more vulnerable than any other time they've done this, more open and supplicant, and that strange new layer in their dynamic that didn't exist before.

this energy and give and take and fresh trust and vulnerability, especially from sam, carrying them through most of the season, with its hurts and pains and Dark Side of the Moon hurtling a new unfathomable layer between them. dean at the point of feeling both like sam doesn't feel the same as whatever it is he's feeling and simultaneously like - soulmates, it fucking figures, he's not even in control of his fucked up incest tryst, even that was angels and fate. sam starting to really foreclose on what he sees as the best, only, way to stop lucifer.

it's not like season 3 where things get charged like a lightning strike or explosive like a car crash. it's a different kind of desperation -- more forlorn, more needy, like they can fuck fate out of each other, can make the world and destiny and everything slow down and wait if they can hold on to this moment, can save each other. even if they don't think the other feels the same. even if dean feels rejected and sam feels like he isn't worthy. they don't have much left to hold on to.

-

so -- i can't speak for any other fics or takes on it, and this is just one. but yeah, i can see it 'working' if they started a sexual relationship then, for certain values of 'working'.

but i never imagine them as monogamous, nor do i imagine them as really defining their relationship as something like "we are in a relationship", not until much much later. they're sort of forced to face that wording after s8's finale when they finally say some things out loud that needed saying for a long time, and before that in the season committed to each other in a pretty substantial way, and eventually they're settled and might acknowledge/accept the phrasing.

so if that's what you're thinking, them in a closed/monogamous relationship where that would be how they see or define it... no, i don't think that would end well in early seasons, and considering all the other stuff they're up to and with whom, that would be painful and not in any way a healthy relationship and not likely a sustainable one. (not that we care about healthy here but i just mean - it wouldn't function effectively)

but if it's "do they do the wincest" in that era. hell yeah. i can see it. i can see it more blatant than this more pared down version. they're so messy for each other and i have an active imagination :)

[theerurishipper]

What's ur opinion on the whole "Blame the writing not the character" thing for writing, cause I think miraculous and its Fandom is a weird case.

Normally I prefer approaching everything from the "Blame the character" angle because at the end of the day all a character is IS their writing (this also applies to good things oc, not just bad). Especially regarding their emotions I don't see much purpose in distancing everything one doesn like about a character from them by saying "Oh, it's just the writing. Disregard it, tahts not who the character truly is" cause at some point that just reads as.. kinda refusing to acknowledge who the character on screen actually is bc one doesn like it.

Miraculous is just a weird case. You can smell the meta decisions 10 miles against the wind - like Marinette and Alya for some reason being able to beat Adrien in battle and Cat Noir pre-s5 being "incompetent". You know exactly that this is not character based writing, Cat has to be weaker than Ladybug and Scarabella because they're girls and they have to look good. It's hard saying Adrien is a weaker fighter in all those cases, or when the temp heros need to be brought in, because you at some level know exactly that there is a meta reason behind it. And that makes it hard to discredit him for that just as much as it's harder to actually give the girls credit for their abilities. They shouldn't be able to beat him so easily, but they do because of their gender and this shows "rules". Just like there is no actual reason in-universe for why he's suddenly on Ladybug's level in season 5. It just is.

(kinda weird how the show also never gave Kagami credit for being a trained fighter either. I guess they thought they can't acknowledge her training either or else they couldn't get away with making Adrien weaker as Cat Noir. So they probably dead ass denied Kagami her special spotlight too for shallow reasons (but at least their consistent)

But on the other hand, I personally don't think Marinette and Adrien leaving in Kwamis choice without saying goodbye to each other is out of character the way most people say it and then just disregard it by saying "it's the writing, not the characters". Rewatching that two parter, it set up alot from the finale, and I don't think them leaving each other like that is out of character just a harsh reality check where we are at after s4.

They never came out of that season actually "better" partnership wise just because Adrien decided to stay by her side these two times and remained kind and supportive. That was decided to be the Cat's definitive job towards the Ladybug so that's what he's continuing to do but that doesn't really concern anything beyond that. In my opinion it is very much questionable how much Ladybug and Cat Noir are actually REAL FRIENDS and not just kind collegues the way Marinette wanted in s4 (with potential for real friendship under better circumstances).

That's also why Adrien gave himself up in the finale, no? If they were real friends he would have been able to ask for her help as she was the only one who could have kept him save because of her yo-yo. But they're just kind collegues, so he didn't.

And just because he stayed her teammate doesn't it mean he's still in love with Ladybug or that he still WANTS to be in love with her after all that pain it caused him. So he made a harsh decision thanks to Plagg and prioritized finally being happy and getting some stability, especially because Gabriel was being fake loving.

And Marinette's romantic feelings for Cat Noir and her acknowledgment of him all together have always been of shakey and chaotic nature. Her feelings for him really started whne she was at her lowest an thinking herself all alone while also being afraid of her feelings for Adrien.

This was from the get go an already dark orange sign for how genuine her feelings are (desperation is always an iffy foundation) and as others already said, she's never seeing more in him than the mask. How can you say you really love a person when you only acknowledge half of their personhood? Marinette only started taking interest in who Cat is when she started getting frustrated by him not reacting the way she wanted him to. If he had I don't think Marinette would have thought about wanting to know who he really is, it really came across like a frustration thing which explained why she was so reckless about it in Elation, and why she then left afterwards.

I don't wanna say she saw no purpose in him anymore after being rejected by him (that's too strong) but we already saw in season 4 that Marinette's treatment or acknowledge of Cat Noir very much reflects what use and purpose she sees in him, hence why he was basically reduced to an irrelevant footnote by the end of season 4. Yes, she wanted him there as teammate but thats it. It's still questionable in my opinion if she even noticed him not showing up anymore at the beginning of Kuro Neko since she reacts surprised when the reporter points out his absence and then claims towards Plagg Cat should be happy that he gets to have time off, as if she just convinced herself that she generously allowed him a week off instead of her having been so deep in team leader mode that she didn't even notice him not showing up anymore.

Marinette not noticing him having stopped showing up is a harsh characterization, but I wouldn't call it out of character in the broader sense.

So her leaving when he rejects her, because she doesn't want to be his friend and teammate but his girlfriend and he said no? Can't say thats out of character either because the show is also really consistent in her characterization that she doesn't see much value in being friends with Adrien either because she loves him, so being friends is the worst thing possible for her.

À décision being harsh and not what one likes doesn mean it's out of character and one should distance the event from the character in one's head.

I think Kwamis choice makes alot of sense, as does the focus on Adrinette instead of Ladynoir, and how the finale played out.

Which goes back to my original question. It's very obvious that there are 20. 000 meta reason controlling the narrative, but in my opinion only in a specific way. Everything still makes sense in my opinion, it just feels so CONTROLLED.

Marinette is a mouthpiece for the writers messages but even if I think the messages are fucked up and hypocritical, I can't say any of it was ever out of character for her?

You get what I mean?

Yeah, I get that. I myself approach it from the "blame the writers" way, but like you said, it's a blurry line. What tips me over ultimately is the fact that Marinette should have grown but clearly didn't. What she does isn't out of character for her for sure, but as far as the writers are concerned, she has grown and she is better, and all the stuff she's doing isn't really a bad thing. So, I can't in good conscience blame the character for being bad when the people who are bringing her to life are the ones who really believe all the stuff that's being said through her. She's supposed to have developed as per the writers' vision, but clearly, she hasn't. It's bad writing, and that really isn't the character's fault. That's how I see it.

Thank you for your ask!

[angels-dressed-in-blood]

i saw @chrissycunninghamfanblog made some of them into little guys and i was omg i want to make them all little guys !!!

all the pins and stuff below are basically just my personal head canons

1. Steve - he is a Bi King and i will stand by that. he needs hearing aids because all those concussions would have some lasting effects. also those little basketball shorts in season two haunt me. he is the golden retriever vibes to robins cat vibes.

2. Eddie - in my mind eddie’s gay. the mobility aid is because he would have chronic pain after all he went through. also the garfield mug in the munson trailer is totally his

3. Robin - canonically a lesbian and i love that for her. she’s got an anchor on her shirt as a reference to scoops ahoy.

4. Chrissy - sapphic chrissy hold such a special please in my heart and i need to share it. but also chrissy being an absolutely a sweetheart but like don’t mess with her or her friends because she will fight back

5. Argyle - there is simply too much vibe going on for argyle to be contained to gender. same for them being pan, simply love whoever they love and vibe with it.

6. Jonathan - i can’t even explain why i think jon is pan he just kind of … is. i also just think he loves natural earth tone and that’s why he is rocking the all brown look.

7. Nancy - i live laugh love bi nancy wheeler. she would totally hear about like david bowie or freddie mercury and then do some research and be like”oh”. also nancys colour in my mind is blue so that’s why her whole thing is blue tones.

[hyenahunt]

Obbligato: The Punishment of Kaname Tojo - 5

Writer: Akira

Season: Spring

Characters: Kaname

Proofreading: Remi (JP) & honeyspades (ENG)

Translation: Peace

Kaname: They'll have to pry this position out of my cold, dead hands.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Time: An hour later

Location: Outside Reimei Academy

Kaname: ... Hello, big brother?

Uh huh. So you saw my latest show? Thanks for watching.

Heehee. Yes, it's all thanks to you.

By following your instructions to the word, doing all that you've said to do during my performances, my work has been flawless.

I'm not lacking whatsoever as Reimei Academy's Top Idol.

And thanks to my good reputation, I've been offered job after job!

Kaname: Ah, yes... I've been doing as you instructed, of course. I’ve passed off work I can’t get to towards the other Special Students.

They're ever so grateful to me for it. I'm praised, flattered, and adored by them now...

... Even though beforehand, after I'd fallen from their ranks due to that taboo mistake I'd made, they'd done nothing but ridicule me.

They treated me as if I wasn't a human anymore, either ignoring my existence or only acknowledging me to insult me.

Kaname: And now they've flipped back the other way, like it all never happened — but they're too late. I won't ever, ever forget the humiliation I faced at their hands.

Honestly, I don't even want to get into their good graces by giving them the jobs I can't fulfill— it feels like I'm trying to butter them up.

They should all burn in Hell.

They should feel the same pain as their victims did, and then die.

Kaname: ... Oh, yes, I'm fine. I'm perfect, after all. I don't show any sign of those sentiments to them, of course. I simply do exactly as you tell me to.

Honestly, I do! Don't you trust me, brother?

Heehee. We didn't know of one another for the longest time, so we haven't been able to bond the way other brothers normally do...

In fact... we might not ever be able to bond, rely on, or even love one another the way a true family should.

But you know, I do want to love you. As your younger brother, I want to love you as my older brother.

Kaname: For as long as I can remember, I've always lived on my own.

When I was young, my mother passed away…

Then I tried to survive within a facility with a miserable environment — with only the dreams my mother entrusted to me, and the lessons she taught me held close to my heart.

In that disgusting facility, I and the other children were exploited for all we were worth —

I worked half to death trying to save up money from jobs I picked up, just so I could run away from that prison.

I wasn't even given a proper education there. No, it wasn't a place someone could grow up well and learn what they needed to know.

It was Hell, where we did all that we could just to survive.

So I studied. I studied, I worked hard, I did everything I could—

And in the end, all my efforts were rewarded: I became an idol, just as I'd always dreamed!

Kaname: As a Special Student of Reimei Academy, I was finally able to walk such a glorious path.

I really was happy. Truly overjoyed. My life couldn't have gotten better.

And then... because of a stupid slip of the tongue, I fell from the summit into the ranks of the Non-Special Students — I couldn't stand it.

Kaname: My blood, sweat, and tears went into climbing out of Hell, only to fall right back to the bottom of it—

But thanks to you, I was able to escape once again.

That's why I don't wanna make the same mistake I did before and fall back in.

This time, I'll do everything perfectly. I won't make a single mistake.

Kaname: They'll have to pry this position out of my cold, dead hands.

I'll fulfill the dreams of my poor mother, who died far too young, and... that'll be how I repay her for giving birth to me, for raising me until she couldn't anymore.

My mother is dead. There's no Heaven or Hell — or any kind of afterlife at all, is there? No matter what happens to me, she won't be able to feel a single thing.

But... It was my love for her that kept me going through those hellish times.

Kaname: Uh huh! My mother is a God to me. I can't switch my doctrine from her words, and I can't abandon my faith now.

It's what I've built my life on. The very backbone of my existence — they're everything to me.

You think it's ridiculous, don't you, brother?

You're strong, and it seems as if you're fine living on your own. You gave up what I desperately wanted for so long, so easily—

And nevertheless you live on, put together as can be.

Ah, I don't resent you or anything, though. I really am impressed.

I could never do what you did, or live how you do.

I'd collapse far too easily without emotional support. I know that, because I've lived in such cruel circumstances.

I absolutely had to have something I could hold on to, or else I couldn’t have kept on living.

Maybe it was because I was selfish, or inconsiderate— something like that, but everyone around me gave me the cold shoulder.

The only person who I'd ever felt love from was my mother. That's why I've placed my faith in her, why I've clung so tightly to her.

She had always been my support. But now, I have you too — someone else I can call family, so I feel a little more stable.

Kaname: Heehee... I really am thankful I met you, brother.

This must be a reward for all my hard work. No, it's certainly because God realized he'd trampled on me far too much and decided to apologize in this way.

God doesn't exist? You would think so, wouldn't you?

You might understand once you've found yourself at rock bottom.

The panic to cling on to something warm, as if you’d freeze to death.

Right. Okay. Instead of chattering endlessly, I should do what I'm supposed to. I'll do as you ask.

Hey, so... Will I really find happiness if I do that?

Kaname: (... Ahaha, he hung up. I wonder if my clinginess disgusted him.)

(He really does seem to hate idleness and inefficiency. Maybe he's annoyed by my affection and dependence on him...)

Kaname: (But... I really do need something to cling to just to survive.)

(I'm sorry, brother.)

[ ☆ ]

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[watercolor-hearts]

Thank you to @rednyx-sf for tagging me in this, it wasn't an easy list but I really liked making it. 😊

Pairing/Shippy list!

Here are the rules:

1. List your top seven ships.

2. Put them all in order for your love for them; 7 to 1, 1 being your favourite.

3. Name the fandom.

4. Put a picture of the guys in question.

-

(There will be a few FE ships too but I didn't count them as individuals, I just put them as a second ship to certain numbers.)

7. Simi | Sebastian Vettel/Kimi Räikkönen [Formula 1]

I would like to apologise to all of my Simi fan followers for this. 😃

I love Simi, they're my comfort pairing when it comes to reading (and writing) but to be honest I prefer ships that are still active, have new content etc. and not only old pictures, videos etc. So yeah, this is the reason why they're seventh for me.

6. Galex | George Russell/Alex Albon [Formula 1]

I don't really know what to add to this. I just like them. ❤ (Also, for me they're the most difficult to write because they have a personality that's (for me) very difficult to portray right.)

Also, funfact, I don't really like the popular Galex fanfics. This is the ship where I prefer the reality and my imagination, and not the fanfics.

5. Dando | Daniel Ricciardo/Lando Norris [Formula 1]

Dando was THE hurt/comfort ship for me last season. This photo of them is in my top3 favorite Formula 1 related photos.

I have a very strange relationship with Lando but I loved them together. ❤

4. Sam/Mitch | Sam Bird/Mitch Evans [Formula E]

Do I need to add more? I don't think so. Cock hug and lovely lifting is all I neeed. They were insane for this. ❤

4. Carlando | Carlos Sainz Jr./Lando Norris [Formula 1]

Again, can't really add anything, I just like them. I like a lot of ships, I don't have any rules like if I like Carlando then I don't like any other Carlos and Lando ships. I'm here for the comfort, it doesn't really matter which ship gives it to me. Also, I'm kinda open to polyamory so shipping for me is a bit different than to others. 😃

So yeah, they're cute, I like them.

3. JEV/André/Sam | Jean-Éric Vergne/André Lotterer/Sam Bird

I don't even have a pic of all of them together (and I can only put ten in one post) but I read a story or two with them being in an open or polyamorous relationship and I really liked them. I have a feeling that Jeandré is the ship that is perfectly ideal to transform into a triad because I think they can be mature enough to communicate well and manage the relationship well.

3. Riccussell | Daniel Ricciardo/George Russell [Formula 1]

I love Daniel and I love George, so this ship is perfect for me. ❤ George's support to Daniel last year was everything to me. They're my special little ship. 🥺❤

2. Maximilian/James | Maximilian Günther/James Rossiter [Formula E]

When I joined the FE fandom and Maximilian became my chosen one, I was kind of surprised that there wasn't really any Maximilian ships. And then somehow Maximilian and James became a thing and GUYS the stories on Ao3. The stories. Oh my god. They're AMAZING. Like truly amazing. I don't really like to read long single chapter stories (over 5K is long for me, 15K is my limit, I don't really read longer ones if they're in one piece) but I love reading those Maximilian and James stories because it's amazing how well those authors can capture their personality. Sometimes I'm a bit jealous because I still don't know enough about the FE drivers' personalities to write about them (yes, I'm too lazy to watch the documentaries and things like that). So yeah, shoutout to the Maximilian/James authors on Ao3, you're doing God's work, guys! ❤

2. Charlos | Carlos Sainz Jr/Charles Leclerc [Formula 1]

The heart eyes. The "baby"s. The touches. The jokes. The "violence". They're everything. They've grown on me and I think about them a lot and I don't know what I'll do when they won't be teammates anymore. They're so perfect together. Another emotional hurt/comfort ship. The pain is almost always there, I don't have to introduce Ferrari to you, so yeah, hugs and cuddles and comfort and understanding and everything. And love. ❤

1. Jeandré | Jean-Éric Vergne/André Lotterer

The husbands (my original husbands were Vandevries | Nyck de Vries/Stoffel Vandoorne but I couldn't really fit them here but still wanted to mention them because they're special to me as they were the ones I wrote my first English story about). They're so funny and perfect together, another comfort ship like almost all the others. 😂 I love how close they're to each other. ❤

1. Maxiel | Max Verstappen/Daniel Ricciardo [Formula 1]

Okay, so, Maxiel is my number one, the order of the list can change every hour but Maxiel will always be my number one. They were the ones that make me fall in love with Formula 1. Max's past and his relationship with Daniel is also a really good hurt/comfort material to fanfics and exactly this is what I look for in fanfics in this fandom.

I wanted to be a Maxiel author for so long but for some reason I still only have a zine that is Maxiel, but I have some Maxiel stories planned, I'm just really slow writing them because it's usually easier to write for the prompts I get and sadly I don't really get Maxiel prompts so my Maxiel stories are only in my head for now. :(

But yeah, I have one/two very specific Maxiel ideas and I hope one day I'll be able to write and post them.

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Tagging @charlosgoggles and @wolfsbanesbite, if you haven't done it yet and you want to. 😊❤

[coraniaid]

Character asks:

Xander, 1 and 21.

1 Why do you like or dislike this character?

Going to focus on the why part and avoid coming to a firm conclusion about the implicit binary choice.

Season 5's The Replacement posits that there are two Xanders -- one suave and self-confident, one a bumbling walking punchline -- before revealing that both of these Xanders are equally real and exist as aspects of the true and singular Xander, with neither having primacy over the other. However, while there are indeed two diametrically opposed versions of Xander Harris, real fans of the show know that they don't exactly correspond to what the show suggests here. The true distinction is between, on the one hand, the Xander who grows up miserable and alone in an abusive household and is determined not to become his father and who loves and supports his friends unconditionally and is maybe/probably/definitely bi but doesn't seem to realize it yet and, on the other hand, the Xander who makes frequent gross sexual comments about all the women he knows and visibly and bitterly resents the ways they outshine him and who considers it his moral duty to give them terrible, patronising, unsolicitied advice about their personal lives whenever he can.

As in The Replacement, both versions of the character have equal claim to be the 'real' Xander. The much more irritating one is perhaps more present in the early seasons (especially when the writers genuinely seem to be trying to set him up in an actual love triangle with Buffy herself, but also throughout much of his 'romance' with Cordelia) but he never really goes away, even after the writers started trying to find new things to do with his character from The Zeppo onwards. He shows up in Season 5 to explain to Buffy how it's all her fault that her boyfriend metaphorically cheated on her while she was selfishly worrying about her sick mother and he's actually a really great guy Buffy never properly appreciated (he doesn't say "can I have sex with Riley too?" in this episode, but he might as well have done); he shows up in Season 6 to sulk about the fact that the woman he left at the altar dared to sleep with somebody who wasn't him and how much she "disgusts" him as a result; he shows up in Season 7 to help kick Buffy out of her own house.

But, equally, the sympathetic, loyal and, yes, even heroic Xander isn't just some post hoc fandom creation either. There are hints even earlier, but Season 3 and especially Season 4 really do make it clear that Xander's home life is horrific. He does risk his life to save Buffy's in Prophecy Girl, even when Angel wouldn't, even after Buffy had been clear she didn't reciprocate his feelings toward her. He does eventually admit to some of his worst behaviour (his jealousy about Angel, his betrayal of Cordelia). His treatment of Anya, while horrible, really does make sense as an attempt to do the right thing for somebody he cares about by somebody almost utterly consumed by self-loathing.

His speech to Buffy in the second half of The Freshman ("when it's dark and I'm all alone and I'm scared [...] I always ask: what would Buffy do? You're my hero.") is, despite what he says immediately afterwards, genuinely touching. The way that, in The Replacement, even the cowardly incompetent side of Xander is willing to risk his life to protect Anya from what he thinks is a demon is honestly kind of sweet. His speech to Willow at the end of Season 6's Grave ("I'm not joking [...] I can't imagine the pain you're in [...] You're Willow [...] I love you") and to his speech to Dawn in Season 7's Potential ("You gave her your power [...] You're not special. You're extraordinary") both feel like genuinely well-earned moments in light of everything we've seen of Xander so far.

The fundamental tension inherent to Xander is that he doesn't smoothly and effortlessly develop from one version of the character to the other. It's not as simple as the grating Xander from the early seasons "getting better". Both sides of his character are present -- and either side can be dominant -- from the very beginning of the show and right until the end.

21 If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Well, I am a fic writer and I have, technically, written for this character (he is the POV character for one fairly short chapter of Coexist.) I think he is a very hard character to write well (especially in the high school seasons) and I'm not at all sure I managed.

Honestly, I think well-written fanfic takes on Xander that actually treat him seriously as a character are incredibly rare. (Off the top of my head I can think of exactly one example. I'm sure there are others -- and I'm sure part of the issue is that I only really read a particular subset of Buffy fanfic -- but I doubt there are many others.)

I think a lot of fanfic writers really just don't like Xander at all (and so only write the horrible Xander, if that, and only so they can have the characters they like call him out on his worst behaviour), whereas other writers lean too heavily into the sympathetic Xander (and either have him explicitly realize and denounce his own poor behaviour early on or just write a meek and mild 'Xander' who just needs a hug and who has never even thought about saying anything inappropriate to any woman ever, which ... well, that's not the character that appears on screen, is it?).

I think the trick to writing Xander well, such as it is -- and the approach I tried to take myself -- is to try to treat him as sympathetically as possible without pretending he isn't often prone to jealousy and making mean-spirited comments, that he isn't a bit of a massive hypocrite at times and that he doesn't often say "funny" things that aren't when he shouldn't. That's harder than just playing up the angle that Xander's parents are awful and he's trying his best and suggesting he'd be much happier if he just followed Anya's advice to Buffy and found a "nice, boring, boyfriend", but I think if you don't try you're not writing a sympathetic version of Xander Harris so much as you're creating a whole new character.

Yes, Xander (mostly) is trying his best, and his parents (especially his father) are awful, but very often Xander's best is far from good enough. He will say awful things sometimes and he probably won't apologize for it, even if he does secretly feel ashamed by it. You have to try to write both versions of Xander -- both the one that makes sense as one of Buffy and Willow's best friends and the one who really doesn't seem to have anything in common with them at all -- if you're going to write the Xander.

That being said, the absolute worst thing you can do to Xander is give him magical powers or superhuman fighting skills so he can Help Buffy Patrol. That's not who he is! That's not true to either version of the character!

(... sorry, I lied. That's the second worst thing you can do to Xander. The actual worst thing is what the comics do with him and Dawn. No super-powered fantasy fanfic could be more horrible and ill-advised than that.)