#Don’t try this at home kids

[sgt-tombstone]

okay wait hear me out: Soap with a shaved asshole

BUT (wait, listen, hear me out)

Ghost is the one who shaves him, and he does it with a straight razor

semi-regularly, Johnny finds himself face down in a pillow, his ass in the air trying to stay as still as possible while Simon spreads his cheeks, lathering shaving cream in his ass crack, the knife-sharp edge of the razor pressed against his sensitive skin, hands holding the skin taut to avoid cutting him, giving him the smoothest shave he’s ever had, all so Simon can fuck him better

he spends the entire time nearly vibrating in place, trying to stay stock still so Simon doesn’t accidentally cut him, but his cock is hanging between his legs and every scrape of the razor on his skin has him twitching, trying to get friction, unsure if he wants to flinch away or press back into the razor’s edge in Simon’s hand

sometimes he swears that the shaving is more erotic than the sex that comes after

[thatsbelievable]

[chavisory]

Huh.

Who knew it was just going to take a much larger dose of ibuprofen to fix me?

[allo-frouto]

No problem... Spreading it on my cock would make you feel hot down there as well .. so it is only fair 🤷‍♂️

I don’t know how safe this is but…

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

Sealing Fate

A last shot rings out through the night, a last sword slash glints in the street lights, and Paris falls quiet again. Quiet except for Aramis‘ outcry of „Porthos!“ and said Musketeer‘s angry, pain-filled grunts.

He‘s sitting up on the cobblestones, clutching his thigh, when Aramis and d‘Artagnan rush to his side, with Athos hanging back to make sure the Huguenots that attacked them are either dead or have fled the scene for good.

To Aramis‘ dismay, Porthos is already sitting in a puddle of his own blood. He‘s swearing loudly, but the hand clutching the musket wound is shaking, and he looks very pale for a black man.

„Let me see!“

Aramis hastily widens the tear in Porthos‘ breeches, his hands immediately slick and crimson. He can barely see the wound under all the blood, pouring out in the rhythm of Porthos‘ heartbeat.

“Jesus Christ,” Aramis gasps, and if the blood wasn’t enough to worry the others, his words certainly are.

“That bad?” Porthos asks tremulously and then slides into a deep groan as Aramis presses his handkerchief against the wound as hard as he can.

“Pretty bad,” is his almost-honest reply.

D’Artagnan is there, too, instinctively supporting Porthos who is getting weak fast.

“Can you stop the bleeding?”

Athos has stepped out of the shadows and sheathes his sword while he squats down beside them.

“I’m trying!”

In rising horror, Aramis stares at the red that is still flowing out of Porthos’ body and through his fingers. It’s a pulsating bleed, and Aramis knows what that means.

“We have to stop this, and fast, or he’ll bleed out right here.”

D’Artagnan’s eyes widen. Porthos’ should, but they don’t, beginning to fall shut on an increasingly distant stare.

“A tourniquet?” Athos asks, outwardly calm.

“He’ll lose his leg by the time we can get him to a surgeon.”

They don’t have to discuss that Porthos would rather be dead.

“Stitches?”

Aramis shakes his head again. “Takes too long. And the wound is too deep. The ball’s still inside. I don’t know what—“

Wait.

Aramis’ panicking brain throws an idea at him. It’s insane. It might kill Porthos. But then again, his brother is on death’s door as it is, barely conscious anymore, and Aramis can either sit here and watch his best friend die under his hands or he can at least try to save him.

“Give me your gunpowder!” he shouts at d’Artagnan.

“What?” The young Gascon stares at him, Porthos limp in his arms now.

“Take mine.” Athos hands Aramis his pouch, already opened.

Aramis grabs it with one hand.

“This has got to happen fast, or the powder will be too wet from his blood and won’t ignite, so keep your flint at the ready,” he explains hurriedly.

D’Artagnan doesn’t believe what he’s hearing. “What? You’re not going to—“

“Give me your scarf! I’ll mop the wound as clean as I can, then douse it with powder. On my signal, you light it. Understood?”

Athos, eyes bright steel under his hat, nods firmly.

“Hold him steady, d’Artagnan!” Aramis instructs their youngster. “He may come around when I do this.”

The Gascon seems to have accepted that something insane is going to happen, and that he’s got his part to play in it. He wraps his arms around Porthos.

“Ready?”

Heart pounding, Aramis looks at his brothers.

Now or never.

With a deep breath, Aramis presses and wipes the scarf across Porthos’ thigh, mopping up as much blood as possible. It keeps welling, but slower now, which isn’t a good sign, but may help them in this instance. Then he tilts Athos’ pouch and dumps a fistful of powder right on and into the wound and presses it down.

“Now, Athos!“

The swordsman’s hands may tremble in the mornings, but they’re calm and steady now. Athos only has to strike the flint once, and sparks fly. The powder on Porthos’ thigh catches fire.

“Watch out!” Aramis shouts, and all three of them lean away from the flame that shoots up, then dies down surprisingly quickly. The smell of burnt flesh assaults their noses. Aramis leans back in and uses his glove to extinguish a few small flames curling up Porthos’ breeches.

“Oh God!” D’Artagnan exclaims, his face a grimace of worry and disgust, as he cradles his still-unconscious Musketeer brother in his arms.

“Did it work?”

Aramis waves the smoke away and anxiously checks Porthos’ thigh. A patch of angry, molten flesh stares back at him, a red-black crust at its center where the hole was before. The wound weeps fluid around the edges, but it looks sealed, and there’s no fresh blood. Aramis gives it another moment, not daring to prod or even move. Then he exhales.

“It’s stopped,” he says heavily.

“He’ll live? And keep his leg?” D’Artagnan sounds incredulous.

Aramis wipes his hands on his coat, then places two fingers against Porthos’ neck. His pulse is weak and rapid, but it’s there.

“He’s lost a lot of blood,” Aramis replies. “And Lemay will have to peel that musket ball out of his thigh somehow before closing it all up again neatly. And he’ll have a nasty scar.”

“But he’ll live.”

Athos says it as a statement, not as a question, and Aramis feels the older man’s hand on his shoulder - a short but firm squeeze of gratefulness and appreciation.

It’s that small gesture that almost unravels Aramis.It truly hits him what just happened and what risk he took. His heart skips in his chest, and his lungs tighten.

They almost lost Porthos.

He could have killed Porthos.

And although Porthos seems out of danger for the moment, they have to get him to a surgeon safely and quickly, so Aramis breathes deep into his belly and calms himself with a quick prayer. Then he pulls himself together and starts giving new orders.

“Athos, we need bandages. I don’t care where from, but fetch me some! We also need a cart to transport him to the garrison. D’Artagnan, lay him down flat and watch him closely. He mustn’t move that leg if he wakes up!”

There is no time for emotions now. They’ve got a long night still ahead of them.

[riverdalenerdlol]

Pulled an all-nighter to acclimate to working night shifts for the next week

I’ve been awake for almost 24 hours straight

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 169

Danny is from a world where everyone has wings, even if most have long since lost the ability to fly. Something about loading and aspect ratio, wings being too small, body too heavy, now mostly used as display, whatever. 

It doesn’t matter even if he had blueprints from when he was like six of a jetpack to help fly. It won’t work anyway and hey, he has his ghost form! Which uh, might be perhaps, affecting his wings which were maybe sort of scorched black and practically down to the bone thanks to the accident. 

It doesn’t matter, he swears. Though he’s admittedly relieved to see the new feathers growing in are different from Dan’s angry sunset. Even if they’re not even supposed to be able to grow back. Alright, this is fine, no one is going to notice! It’s not like everyone knows about the poor Fenton kid whose wings were absolutely destroyed thanks to an accident! It’s fine. 

He’s not flying in a half-panic towards the Far Frozen while crying because his wings are coming back and he’s so scared. He didn’t panic and instantly fled the moment Jazz pointed them out while changing the bandages. 

He definitely didn’t trip over something while wiping away said tears and blacking out from all the stress and all of his problems that he definitely mentioned to someone and isn’t keeping a secret. Definitely. 

Hawkwoman and Hawkman would like everyone to know that neither of them were expecting a very small child to be spat out of the villain of that week’s machine that should definitely not be a portal. A very small child, maybe nine or ten, with a multitude of concerning wounds both old and fresh. Which isn’t even beginning to touch on the wings. 

Feathered, like baby down despite the gnarled scars, unlike their own metallic, with the beginning of tiny specklings like stars amidst the darker fuzz peeking from the wounded flesh. 

Who?! Who dared?! It’s (at least to the forever reincarnating duo) a literal baby! They still have down! Tiny baby fuzz! Was it the portal?! Oh this villain is going to taste their maces for causing this if that’s the case! 

The rest of the Justice League would honestly like to know what just happened and are honestly unsure on if they should stop the two…

[thatsbelievable]

[kizzer55555]

Ultimate Escape Room

Sam, Danny, and Tucker are bored. Nothing seems to be a challenge anymore. Summer vacation is coming up but they can’t agree on anything . Themepark? What’s a better roller coaster than Jack driving? Scary movie? I’m sorry, nothing beats Fright Knight’s nightmare realm. Bungie jumping? Danny can fly. Then Tucker, who’s been typing on his computer, asks “what about an escape room?”. The others are about to shut the idea down because seriously? Easy. But Tucker just grins and shows them his computer screen.

“Ever heard of Arkham?”

Danny and Sam lean over to read the description and all three turn to each other and grin. 

Now, what’s the fastest way to get into Arkham?

…

So the chaos trio do ✨something✨ that gets them locked up in Arkham and then try to escape and they keep. You know, normal stuff for Arkham inmates. Except this trio? Keep. Getting. Out. Of. Their. Cells. So they are just passing by locked up rogues and waving at them as an army of prison guards chase after them. Sure they could get out the easy way (Aka powers) but no, this is a challenge so they have the normal rules of an escape room. Aka, you can’t break anything and an extra rule where if a guard catches you, then you can’t fight back (also, no one can get hurt). (They make fake identities and everything). So they need to go through the whole process. Figure out how to unlock cuffs. Could be learning to pick a lock with a spoon/stick/long nails. Then find the keys. Possibly having to crawl through vents to get in the warden’s office. Or making deals with prison inmates. Like, I’ll get this for you if you give me that (however they extract a promise that the rogue can’t kill anyone with whatever they help them with.) So they are in prison literally doing errands like find freeze’s weapons in exchange for him telling them the passcode to the gate or something. Or getting Waylon some meat from the cafeteria and he’ll break the lock on this movable vault that has materials to make smoke bombs they can use to distract the front guards. 

These kids are just going wild and it gets to the point where Arkham has to call the bats (like no Waylon, we won’t escape with you, we have to do it without breaking any walls!) So literally the only reason they are not escaping is because they want to do it ‘right’. But they are also aiding other rogues in their escape (at least certain ones. They aren’t helping joker no matter what he offers)

It’s driving the bats mad. They have vigilantes stationed in each hall, in multiple monitor rooms.

They aren’t even using anything clever to block the cameras. They’re using mirrors. Mirrors! Where did they even get so many handheld mirrors! 

They are running circles around the bats. The escaped rogues literally aren’t doing anything yet because they want to see how the three hellions will escape the entire bat clan. They have bets going. So there is a temporary truce.

Just imagine the conversations/interrogations the bats will have with trio, trying to figure out their master plan - because surely there's something more going on than three chaos young adults playing a game, right?

They trio each have a different story. And they are so passionate/convincing actors that no one knows which story is real. At least one of them told a sob story with legitimate tears.

Danny: (all mysterious) You shall never know our master plan….until it is too late. And just casually dropping hints that there is something greater or that the bats are playing right into their hands. Even using ridiculous scenarios like yesss the ketchup explosion in the cafeteria….We are one step further….Mwa ha ha! (Rubs his hands together)

Sam: (absolutely distraught with literal tears running down her face and ruining her mascara.) There is a terrible organization holding their parents hostage. They had been framed and forced to be in Arkham. If they don’t do exactly as they are told, their loved ones are in danger! Should we stay? Should we escape and help them!? No one will believe us and what if we make things worse? We don’t know what to do!

Tucker: (takes a long slurp of a smoothie. Where he got one? No one knows). Yeah we were bored and had nothing better to do than mess with you guys. (Sluuuuurp).

The bats are trying to figure it out. Is the black haired guy telling the truth and the other two are just manipulating them? Is it the girl and the others are only following the plot of the organization? IS THE BARET KID RIGHT AND THEY’RE JUST MESSING WITH US!? WHICH STORY IS IT!?

Under normal circumstances, Sam wouldn’t give a sob story because It’s not really her vibe. But Sam has the opportunity to pull one over on a bat. Do you honestly think she won’t take a chance to mess with them? Also, Dick is the one who is interrogating Sam.

He’s crying too by the end of the story.

Poor guy, Sam will play his heart like a fiddle. 

Also, their fake identities are Jordan for Danny. Mortica for Sam (or Macey for short) and Phineas for Tucker. The fact that they are using fake identities is the only thing they all agree on in the interview. But the bats find nothing on them and the identities are so realistic they wonder if they are even fake at all. If the three are faking fake IDs to throw them off their tail from looking deeper. Apparently their ‘parents’ having a missing persons report.

Damian is interrogating Danny. It’s just so easy to rile him up and get under his skin. It’s absolute drama in that interrogation room. 

Danny: ah yessss. Master plan.

Damian: you shall never succeed! Justice shall prevail evil scum!

And Duke is interrogating Tucker. He just…has no idea how to respond to this. He wasn’t trained for this response. Hostile, yes. Mysterious, yes. Scared, yes. Civilian, yes. Even Flirtatious! YES! But not…this. What does he do? should he take out his note cards?

Also, I’m adding a mix of home alone elements to this. They have to get past the bats somehow and it can’t be lethal. Poor Jason and Steph who are patrolling the halls fall victim to most of this.

At one point, both of them are tied up together and hanging from the ceiling. While the trio just casually walk by under them. 

It’s dental floss. Really strong dental floss.

Then the bats start taking sides. 

Jason? once he hears Sam's story, he's immediately willing to help her. He and Dick are searching for that missing person's report almost religiously.

Tim believes Danny's story. part of it is because it makes the most sense, and the other part is that he's slightly biased from becoming an evil megalomaniac in every timeline he's seen so he's subconsciously trying to stop that from happening here.

Cass believes Tucker because come on, it's Cass.

Steph is siding with Tim because her father was cluemaster so same reasons.

Bruce is trying to fact check all of them and is failing desperately.

Sam added some ‘clues’ in her interrogation and basically threw the GIW under the bus as the organization. So the bats do find a shady organization but so far no missing persons so the other bats still don’t know if what Sam is saying is true or not while Dick takes this as absolute proof and Jason feels like it doesn’t matter if she’s telling the truth at this point. It’s a corrupt organization. So he’ll still blow it up.

I think in this AU, the GIW isn’t a threat and more of an annoyance so Sam just plays them up as even worse. Like, she doesn’t say anything untrue just makes it sound worse out of context. Oh yeah, they opened fire on this random kid. (Gregory when they thought he was phantom) Oh yes, they have destroyed Danny’s house at one point. (The prank war with Vlad) Yes, the have an unhealthy obsession with dissecting people. (Even though they are too incompetent to actually catch anyone).

So again, they don’t know if Sam is telling the truth of the organization or they just used this random organization to draw their attention away from the three’s plans (as Danny implied). Possibly an enemy organization or a competitor.

I know everyone makes the GIW a big threat but I decided to change it up. They aren’t a threat but still get obliterated by a pissed off Red Hood and Nightwing.

And that’s  another reason why Sam gives the sob story. Danny and Tucker are great but they wouldn’t actually sick a crime lord on the GIW. Sam? Absolutely would. She does not care what happens to them. They tore up her garden one time with a stray shot. She wants revenge. And sure, she didn’t actually know what would happen to them after the bats find out but she still doesn’t care.

And through all of this, the rogues are sitting back and eating popcorn while Joker screams bloody murder from his cell. 

[lunarcrown]

Soggy veil bdubs with a shrugged off jacket bc ???????? He’s getting rain washed I guess

Also BONUS: some hermit reactions to said wet fella

[fizzytoo]

[karlee, softly] "Oh...you're just a boy."

[andrew]: "Uh, hi" [laughs, a little shy] "Actually, I'm sixteen."

[karlee]: "I had no idea. I-I'm sorry.You're just- wow, Amaya, he looks so much like me" [almost breathless]. Ah! Amaya's my sibling."

[andrew]: "R-Right! I'm glad you weren't…alone."

[karlee]: "and you? I mean, are you…alone?"

[andrew]: "After my mom-well. It's kinda just me."

[andrew]: "Me and eight other kids around my age."

[andrew] I kinda always knew who you were. It's just- I never knew the right time to reach out."

[andrew]: "What if you hated m-"

[someone out of frame, pounding angrily on the door]: "Hey! Lillian! I told you to leave my computer alone!"

[andrew]: "Shit. I'm finished, okay? Just-just hold on."

[andrew]: "I'm sorry. I have to go."

[novelconcepts]

There really aren’t words to describe the simple queer joy that is lounging on the couch shirtless after top surgery.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Me: this one will be a slow burn I think

Eddie Diaz: no actually i need to tell him i love him immediately

[criminalgays]

fantasy high junior year hell’s kitchen au when it’s. just hell’s kitchen but in elmville and gordon ramsey is exactly the same

instead of the events of fhjy, the rat grinders are the blue team and the bad kids are the red team. jawbone is the red team’s sous chef and porter is the blue team’s.

the rat grinders win the very first competition of the competition and then the bad kids win the rest.

kipperlily copperkettle gets so angry she turns red every time she has to do another punishment and sees the bad kids leaving hell’s kitchen for their reward.

the final is kipperlily vs kristen and kristen sweeps bc kipperlily tried to be too fancy and elaborate with her menu and ran out of time in prejudging and then her team couldn’t figure it out during dinner service

[highfunctioningflailgirl]

I may just have written the most ludicrous field medicine scenario yet.

And I’ve probably been red-flagged by several agencies due to my google history of the last three hours.

The things I do for Whumptober… *smh*

[def-not-kaz-brekker]

i just speed ran a 500 word paper on ten minutes so don’t tell me procrastination doesn’t work