#she is so farrrr so far so far

[niinazenikk]

Eepy

[jmdbjk]

Wow.

I can't leave to enjoy a few days vacation without the world falling apart?

Hybe vs. Min HeeJin. Not on anyone's bingo card this year. I have not caught up on everything but who tipped off Hybe about her dastardly plans? The timing of it all... and her little extemporaneous skit she did for a press conference was perhaps part of her plan to turn public opinion in her favor? She claims to have invented kpop or at least made it what it is today but out the other side of her mouth says she hates idol culture?

Hybe's not here to play, they will not be nice. I see no benefit to her for showing us the not so pretty side of the idol industry. Maybe that's her problem, she can't see what she's doing because she's too far into it. Thirty years in the business will make you lose your objectivity. She has no idea she is coming across as a greedy, spoiled, entitled, manipulative, narcissistic, emotional female in a male dominated industry. Basically a nut case.

The lady had a tremendous opportunity to perhaps take ownership of her company in due time, become a great example for female leadership in a country where corporate culture is steeped in chaebolism. Instead she squandered that and thinks she will come out on top. Did she miss the Hybe vs. SM Entertainment episode from last year?

Anyway.

RM's new album! RPWP!

The Monochrome pop up store is doing well!

Jin will be back after 6 Fridays!

In other news. I went to Las Vegas. This is what I saw:

The Bellagio Fountains. They're huge. The Bellagio is SWANK. I looked for Jimin in Dior and Tiffany, Hobi in the Louis Vuitton store, Namjoon in the Bottega Veneta store, but none of them were in there. There was no Calvin Klein store.

When Hobi, JK and Tae were there watching the fountains dance to Dynamite, they were standing here:

Passed by Allegiant Stadium a few times. It's huge.

Drove out to Seven Magic Mountains. I am happy to report the lowest boulders had no writing or graffiti. They were amazingly huge as you can see.

Joon's pic of the above rocks:

Went to AREA 15 and it was HUGE and amazing! It's impossible to show everything that its about, there are multiple buildings and installations and activities, gift shops, bars, etc. We went into the Omega Mart (mega art) experience which led to a maze of fantastically created chambers, each different from the last one, all pulsing with animated lights, texture walls, ceilings and floors.

And ate at Hobak Korean BBQ. We couldn't find out which tables the members of BTS sat at but I got a pic of the Butter album they all signed. There were other autographs from other famous Korean celebs but the BTS signatures were displayed in a more prominent place on the wall.

We also scoped out The Sphere. Also HUGE. The concert space is arena sized. I don't know who was playing there that night but the parking lot was filling up.

We also walked the Strip.

The Fremont Street Experience. That's an animated video screen overhead with ziplines running through the length of it. It's two blocks of casinos, restaurants and gift shops. People are also doing busking and shows at street level.

Hoover Dam, view of the dam from the highway bridge and view of the highway bridge from the dam. Spent a few minutes on the Arizona side.

Hiked in the desert. Saw cactus and wildlife. Drank a lot of water.

Drove to the Mojave Desert Preserve in California just to say we did.

We hated leaving. It was a fun trip. But damn, I have so much stuff to catch up on now. Hiatus my ass.

If Vegas is on the BTS comeback tour I promise I will be there this time.

We gambled at the airport on our way out. The slot machines were next to our gate. And in the baggage claim area. But as you can see, its not just about gambling there.

In case you didn't get it, everything in Vegas is HUUUGGE and FARRRR. Walk a lot, spend a lot of money.

Overall, Las Vegas was clean, the people were extremely friendly and welcoming of course, they might be teaching hospitality as a school subject there, I don't know.

[swedishreports]

the tea........

so this is my first post so I'm going to try get you up to date with all the stuff I've already researched farrrr to thoroughly. I've been learning all about the Swedish royal family lets gooooo.

First the QUEEN!!!!!!!!

This is  Kristina the current queen of Sweden

She was ordained at 39 after the death of her father

Her public opinion is about 60 percent positive with a feeling that she wants the best for the country

Also it is widely suspected on certain websites *cough cough* reddit that she has a very....... lets say strained relationship with her 2 sons (don't worry well cover them soon)

Kristina is also know for her charity being well known animal rights advocate

Then the more boring parent (sorryyy) the Duke

This is Ludvig

The Husband of Queen Kristina

He was a business invest before marrying Kristina

Like I said borring

Next the golden royal child the First Prince

This is Erik the First Prince

He is the most well liked member of the Swedish royal family

Erick is just 21 but has already made an incredible good view for himself with the generel populous

The amount of charity work he has done well soon be more than has his mother

We also know that at least publicly Erick and his younger brother Wilhelm have a very close relationship

Now the "party Prince"

This is Wilhelm

He is the youngest member of the royal family at 16

Currently Wilhelm is attending public school being the only member of the royal family to attend  Hillerska (fancy private school)

Wilhelm does not have the best public opinion he's thought to be an unprofessional and far to child like for his age

Another thing that I do not want to mention to much cause he's still a minor but there a few videos online if Wilhelm out partying with his friends

That's all the main family come back soonnn if you want to updated about the weird life and politics of the Swedish royal family lol

[lil23akira]

So I've just watched the first episode of the live action ATLA and so far my verdict isssss

It's watchable

I mean the first 5 mins felt like the most unnecessary sequence so far (pebble-dude u didn't need to die for the Firelord to drop exposition, just saying, he's a villain he'd do it eventually anyway). The air nomad genocide was sad to watch (I wish they showed Gyatso's badassery cuz I think in the original he was surrounded by like 19 DEAD SOLDIER BODIES)

CGI wise it's well, cgi, not exactly perfect but hey it's hard translating animation to real life, dare I say the effects in the EHEM movie EHEM were more realistic but the movements in this series are more natural. It's good enough for me.

As for characters, aang is adorable, not really much to go off in ep 1, definitely 12, adorable.

Sokka's bearable thanks to his misogyny going missing somehow. Seems like his arc is mostly gonna be based on being kind leader above all else.

Katara though she's feeling docile and I'm not liking it. She's farrrr too passive for how I remember her in the original so I hope her arc shows her being tough and headstrong. So far she's feeling secondary to sokka and even zuko in terms of character prevalence.

Oh and zuko is ZUKO-ING, he's got the feel just right I think I'll enjoy his character just fine.

And thus the show is watchable, not that into it but not that opposed, I acknowledge that fitting 3 seasons of content into such a small episode limit is hard so these straight up LORE DROPS aren't really unexpected. But yeah, I hope each character gets their moment to shine even with the time crunch.

[wrongcaitlyn]

HIII i hope the eras was so fun!! i’ve been following u since the she-ra era (remember wrongcatra lol) right as i was starting to fixate on arcane and pjo. AND UR A SWIFTIE SJSJSJ!!! its so crazyy how u like everything i like! i love when editors/writers switch interests the exact same time as me

i loveeee talk ur talk and i was wondering if in the future (like far far farrrr future) solangelo would ever have kids? like adoption or biologically idk!

SDJFLASJDFLSJDFSAF OH MY GOD???sdlkFJSKLDFJ OH MY FUCKING GOD NO WAYYSDFJSDJF????lsDFKJSDF sorry im like dying here i STILL cant believe that some people know me from wrongcatra, that feels like so long ago... WOAH. thats actually so so cool to know that our interests followed like parallel lines omg <333 some sort of soulmate type shit i'd say!

ANYWAY now to actually respond to the ask - thank you so much!!! the eras tour was INCREDIBLE i truly had the time of my life <33 and honestly i have the same thing with finding editors that have the same interests... like whenever i see someone who posts both pjo and arcane im like?? omg???? are we the same person??? i can just tell you guys that i'll be starting to post abt arcane on here as november rolls closer bc the hyperfixation is already creeping up on me again... god i love that show so muchSDJKLF

as for whether theyd have children! i've been thinking about this for a while actually, and im leaning towards no. or at least- my idea is that both of their jobs are just *incredibly* time consuming, and very chaotic, with nico traveling a lot, and will- well, will's gonna be a doctor, so... yeahJKLSDF that speaks for itself! (in case u want more detail, i was thinking of him being a pediatric surgeon? idk why but i also always pictured him working in the er, maybe bc that's similar to what he does at chb, though he could also try to work in a less hectic environment as they grow older, i'm not entirely sure)

so i don't think that it'd be something that they'd even start thinking about for a very long time, just because they wouldn't have time for a kid, they wouldnt' be able to give them the attention they deserved (and with both nico and will having dealt with various levels of neglect as kids, that's definitely something they wouldn't want to put on a child)

HOWEVER. i think that. one day when they're much much older and maybe will changes his job slightly so its less of late nights and stuff, and nico decides not to tour for quite a bit and focuses more on other,,, projects, i think they would foster! probably young children, like before school, so their kids wouldn't have to deal with yk,, the attention of having a famous parent (will knows that issue all too well), but i think that they would actually feel really fulfilled and happy doing that. and who knows, maybe one of those children, they would one day adopt - i'm thinking of it now, maybe a pair of siblings or smth like that, i think it would be sweet :) but yeah, tbh, i don't have that many thoughts on what will happen past the timeline of greatest of luxuries, or at least no definite plans, but i think this is the most likely scenario :)

[ladyfogg]

Another Round

Another Round

Fic Summary: You and Colin have been avoiding each other ever since the two of you were interrupted the other night. However, when Mare calls you to come to the bar to pick up Colin, you’re left with no choice but to deal with a very drunk Detective Zabel. Love Exists Masterpost. The Evans Fics Masterpost.

Fic Rating: Mature

Pairing: Colin Zabel/Female Reader

Warnings: Language, mild spoilers

All you want is a quiet evening at home.

The investigation into Erin’s death had shaken everyone to the core in Easttown, and you are no exception. In a place where everyone knows everyone, to have such a sudden and violent crime happen is enough to put the citizens on edge. You are feeling it and you sure as hell know Mare is feeling it. You’ve been doing everything in your power to be there for her and do what she needs but it’s hard since you’re not a full-blown detective. At least, not yet. You hope to be one day once you’ve had enough training and gone through all the proper channels.

For now, you’re content on being Mare’s trainee. Well, more like assistant but technically you’re a trainee. Actually, your exact title is Junior Detective but it makes you feel like you should be wearing a badge made of construction paper attached to your shirt by a safety pin. So you stick with trainee. Though that hasn’t stopped Mare from calling you ‘Junior’. Whether it’s to keep you at arm’s length or she just enjoys annoying the shit out of you, you’re not sure. You assume it’s a little of both.

Anyway, back to the quiet evening thing. You’ve been home for a few hours, settled into your tiny apartment with a slew of snacks and the latest crime docuseries on Netflix when your phone goes off.

You see it’s Mare and immediately pick up. “Hey, everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah everything’s fine.” You can barely hear her over the background nose. Tons of people are talking over each other with loud music thrown into the mix. “Sorry to call you so late but I need you to come down to the bar.”

“Do we have a lead?”

“Not exactly. It’s Zabel.”

Instantly your heart drops and you get to your feet, immediately scouring the floor for your discarded shoes. “Did something happen? Is Colin alright?”

In the background, you hear, “Heeeey, hey, Mare! Is that her? Are you calling her? Lemme talk to her.”

You hear her struggle for a moment before telling him to knock it off. “He’s fine. Just drunk as shit,” she says once she manages to get the phone back from him. “Can you come pick him up and take him home?”

“Oh, um…alright.”

“Is that a problem?”

“No. No, not at all.”

“I just figured since you two—”

“Oh we didn’t end up…we haven’t…” You stop yourself from going any further and embarrassing the both of you. “I’ll be there in five minutes.”

Ever since Mare interrupted you and Colin about to go at it in his hotel room, things have been more than a little awkward. Despite confessing how much you like each other, neither you nor he has made another move. Before it was spontaneous and a spur-of-the-moment decision, fueled by passion and excitement. By now, you have lost yourself in your own head and you get the sense he has too.

The two of you can’t even make eye contact without him quickly looking away and blushing. It’s adorable, yet incredibly frustrating to say the least. But the case is more important and you’ve been more than happy to forget about the embarrassing incident.

When you get to the bar, you’re faced with a vastly different Colin than you’re used to. The second you walk through the door, he calls your name excitedly and stumbles over, beer in hand.

“Oh my gosh you’re here,” he slurs, throwing an arm around your shoulders. “Mare! MARE! She’s here!”

“Yeah, I know, Zabel, I called her.” Mare’s face is as stoic as ever, and yet you can still see the corners of her lips twitch up into an amused smile.

“You wanna shot?” he asks you. “Yeah! YEAH, let’s get shots! Imma get you a shot!”

“No, Colin, I’m good,” you say but he’s already stumbling away. “Colin? Colin! Oi, whatever. How long has he been like this?”

“Since I got here,” Mare says, shoving her hands in her pockets. “Sorry, I thought you two were…I mean, the other night…”

“Nothing happened,” you say. “Since, you know, you interrupted. Things have kind of been awkward and we haven’t really talked about it.”

“Well, he’s certainly in a talkative mood tonight,” Mare says as you both watch Colin flag down the bartender and loudly ask for two shots. “Just make sure he gets back to the hotel in one piece, alright?”

“Will do, boss.”

“Thanks, junior.”

“Ugh, you know I hate it when you call me that.”

She smirks, patting you on the shoulder as she walks by. “I know.”

You make your way through the crowd to the bar where Colin is currently leaning. “Come on, Colin. I’ll take you home,” you say.

“Not before you do a shot with me!” he insists.

“Can’t, I’m driving. Besides, I think you’ve had enough.”

“Come ooooonnnn,” he slurs, nudging you with his shoulder. “Just’the one lil one? Then I’ll go…scout’s honor!”

You can’t help but chuckle, not used to seeing him so carefree and silly. After a moment of contemplation, you ease yourself onto the nearby stool. “Fine. Just the one.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Colin exclaims, sitting next to you. “Shottttsss!”

The bartender slides two shots over and you make a subtle motion for him to cut Colin off. He gives you a nod of acknowledgment, slyly swiping Colin’s half-full beer bottle as he moves on to take care of someone else.

“Okay, okay, okay, we need a toast,” Colin says, handing you one of the shots.

“Oh really? To what?”

“Hmmmmm…” Colin’s face scrunches adorably as he tries to get his drunk mind to think. “How ‘bout to us?”

You raise your eyebrow. “Us?”

Colin leans in close, pressing his forehead to yours, his voice dropping low. “Us. You know, me an’ you.”

“Didn’t know there was a me and you.”

“Could be. Should be. We did almost…you know.” He leans in close to your ear and loudly whispers, “Have sex.”

“Yes, yes we did almost have sex.”

“So?” he gestures with his shot, spilling some in the process. “To us?”

“To us then.”

You clink your shot glass against his before knocking the drink back, trying to hold in a cough as the liquid burns your throat. “Dear god that’s strong.”

“YUP.” Colin slams his shot glass down on the countertop, then winces when he realizes what he did. “Oops. Is’okay. S’not broken.”

“And we’d like to keep it that way,” you say, sliding the glasses off to the side. “So, what you say I take you home?”

“Wait, wait, wait, not yet. Let’s talk.” He puts his hand on your arm to stop you from standing. “We need’a talk.”

“About?”

“I’m sorry about the other night,” he apologizes, head slumping on your shoulder.

“You don’t have to apologize, Colin. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But I did. I did. I should’a talked to you about it after but I chickened out.”

“Yeah, well, I could have talked to you too. I guess I also chickened out.”

“Here’sa thing. I jus’…you’re soooo beautiful and I get all tongue-tied around you and say stupid shit and I know you’re going to realize there’s someone better for you, and I just…”

Realizing he was way too far gone to be having such a serious conversation in the bar, you slide your arm around his waist. “Hey, hey, let’s talk about it later, okay? Come on. Let’s get you home.”

“Home’s too farrrr.”

“I meant your hotel room.”

“I don’t like it there. Take me to your place.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I won’t try anything. Swear. I jus’…I don’t wanna go back to my empty hotel room.”

Your heart aches at the puppy-dog eyes he gives you and you find yourself relenting. “Fine. But you’re sleeping on the sofa and I’m not cleaning it up if you get sick all over yourself.”

“Thas’fair.”

You help Colin settle his tab with the bartender and then you escort him out of the bar, your arm still around his waist. His arm goes around your shoulders again but it’s mostly so he can attempt to walk straight. Eventually, you are able to load him into your car before climbing behind the wheel. The shot didn’t do much of anything and with your place being so close, you know you’re okay to drive.

Colin reclines his seat back, shutting his eyes. As you make your way towards home, you’re sure he’s fallen asleep until you hear, “Y’know, y’er really pretty.”

You smile to yourself, keeping your eyes on the road. “Thanks, Colin. I think you’re pretty too.”

“Really???”

“Yes.”

“Ugh, I’m so stupid. Should’a called you for a date the day after all that happened.”

“It’s okay.”

“NO! No is’not. I ghosted you.”

“Colin, I don’t think it’s ghosting if the other person doesn’t reach out to you either.”

“It’s not?”

“Not really. Pretty sure that just ignoring each other.”

“Oh. Okay good. Well, not good we ignored each other. Good you didn’t think I ghosted you. Cuz I would NEVER do that to you.”

“Good to know.”

“And you won’t do that to me. I know you won’t. You’re too sweet. You wouldn’t break up with me two weeks before our wedding.”

Your heart sinks when he says this. Chancing a glance at him, you notice how sad his eyes are. Truth be told, you don’t know much about Colin, mostly because with the intensity of the case, the two of you haven’t had time to properly get to know each other. But his drunk words are way too specific to be a hypothetical scenario.

“Is that what happened to you?” you ask tentatively.

“Yup. Not sure how it happened. Or why. She just woke up and said, ‘hey, I’m not in love with you anymore’. And I’m like ‘s’ok, can I put my bagel down first?’…” he babbles, head rolling to the side so he can look at you. “Jus’ like that. Done. No more.”

You reach over to take his hand. “I’m sorry, Colin. That’s…that’s really shitty.”

“Isn’t it? I mean…I don’t know wha’ happened. But…whatareyou gonna do?” He squeezes your hand and brings it up to his lips so he can place a sloppy kiss on your knuckles. “We’ve been driving for a loooong time.”

“It’s been five minutes.”

“Really?!”

“Just close your eyes. We’ll be there soon.”

“M’kay.”

Not long after, you pull into your driveaway, letting go of his hand so you can park the car and shut it off. You sit there for a minute, admiring his side profile as he lays there with his eyes closed. He is a handsome man. You can stare at him all day. Every time he greets you with that wide smile, your heart skips a beat and your stomach does a little flip-flop thing.

He must feel you staring because he opens his eyes and gives you a crooked smile. “We there yet?”

You smile back. “Yeah, we’re here. Let’s get you inside.”

“Okaaay.”

With you guiding him and doing most of the work, you help Colin up the walkway to your place, pausing now and then when he sways and puts too much weight on you. Once inside, you dump him onto the couch before going back to lock your front door. Briefly, you pause to send Mare a text letting her know you’re both safe, before shutting your phone off and tossing it onto the counter. You shrug out of your coat and shoes before rejoining Colin in the living room where you left him.

“This is a nice place,” he says, sprawled out on the couch with his head nearly hanging off the armrest. “Looks homey.”

“If by homey you mean small, then yeah. It’s real homey. Come on. Sit up so we can get your coat off.”

“Tryin’a strip me down, you saucy minx,” he slurs, leaning forward as you try to pull the long coat off his arms. “I know your game and I accept.”

Laughing softly, you manage to wrestle him out of the coat before he flops backward. “No games tonight, Zabel.”

“Fine but at least a kiss?”

“That’s definitely not a good idea.”

“Jus’a lil one…come on, lil kiss…” he says in a soft voice, trying to lean in. “Jus’a peck. Lil smooch.”

Still laughing, you gently force him to lay back down. “Not while your drunk. Maybe in the morning if you’re feeling better we can have a little smooch.”

“Been thinking about kissin’ you for days,” he admits as you start to untie his shoes for him. “And picturing you on top of me. That was nice. I liked that. Let’s do that.”

You toss him a grin as you slide the shoe off his foot. “Like I said. Maybe…If you’re a good boy.”

His smile widens and he wags his eyebrows. “I’ll be’a good boy for you.”

After ridding him of his other shoe, you tuck a blanket around him. “Sleep it off, Colin. We’ll talk in the morning.”

“Wait, wait, wait, don’t go,” he urges, grabbing your hand as you make a move to stand. “Not yet. Don’t go yet. It’s jus’…I wanna talk to you.”

“Okay. About what.”

“Everythin’. Anythin’. LIFE! Let’s talk about life.”

“It is way too late and you’re way too drunk to talk about life.”

“It’s just…the thing is…I’m getting to that age, right? I’m getting to that age where I’m starting to look at my life and I’m going…well, here’s what I thought it would be and…here’s what it actually is…” He throws his hands up with a sigh and a shrug, letting his thought hang there. 

You’re all too familiar with that feeling. And yet, you have no idea how to respond. He’s not the only one looking at his life and wondering what the hell. There you are, living in the same town where you grew up, a detective in training living in a shitty, tiny apartment with neighbors who press their noses to the window every time you set outside. You haven’t had a relationship in years, mainly because you know every single guy in town and have grown up with them. The thought of dating and settling down with any of them does not appeal to you in the slightest. Never did. Not that that’s the only way to live your life but it’s something you would like to do someday. With the right person.

“Am I making any fucking sense?” he asks, more to himself than to you.

“Yeah, yeah, you are.” You reach up to lay a hand on his cheek. “Get some rest, okay. I’ll be just in the other room if you need me.”

“Mmm, okay. Rest sounds good. Sleep good.”

He rolls onto his side, taking your hand with him and almost pulling you across his body. You manage to wiggle free with a chuckle. By the time you get up to shut off the living room light, he’s already snoring.

You have too many questions and not enough answers. This man, this big hero detective that is supposed to help solve the case seems just as lost and alone as you feel. You wonder if that’s why you were drawn together. Two lost, lonely souls who found each other among such darkness.

Too tired to go down that train of thought, you slip away to your room, wondering just how much Colin will remember in the morning.

[truegodofthearena]

GG reboot 1 x 6 thoughts

This got long so everything under the cut 

1. okay way to get real disturbing real fast with that first scene. “Your generation feels so guilty after they come.” No, Max. Rafa is far, FAR FARRRR from feeling any guilt about this. You are being preyed upon, wake the fuck up. 

2. strategically placed table. Lol, i get that. I’m with Monet on this one. 

3. I literally had to rewind to see how Aki ended up on that table because i didn’t even see him come with Obie. I saw Obie and not my precious Aki? Unforgivable.

4. Okay i love love LOVE the ot3 dynamic of Max audrey and Aki. And one of the most enjoyable aspects for me is that Max and Audrey are both quite volatile personalities and its so much fun to see them banter and clash while Aki, ever the peace keeper, just lays back and lets it all unfold because I feel like he knows he can clean up any mess when it comes to these two. Also, as much as I enjoy the Aki Max scenes, I live for the Max Audrey confrontations because she gives him back as good as she gets while Aki is too passive and sweet. It’s just a different dynamic which is why all three of them together is THE DREAM. They just so deliciously balance each other out. 

5. Aki and Audrey realizing Max is in trouble 3 seconds after Max tells em “you can rest easy now” Max needs these two so so much, he doesn’t even know it

6. Obie doesn’t know where he stands with Zoya and I don’t know where he stands in this show, being the most useless of the bunch. Maybe you’re too boring and self righteous, ever think about that? Cheers to Zoya for calling his activism performative. Someone had to say it.

7. “Aki taking both sides again. What a refreshing change of pace.” lol this is why Max is needed in this dynamic. Because as much as Audrey and Aki love and adore one another and are BFF goals, sometimes Audrey just needs to vent and Max is just the person to encourage that. They can vent about their messed up home situations together. 

8. I love that throughout the Aki tracking Rafa situation, Audrey knew what was going on and was supportive of him pursuing this while tackling her own Kiki situation at home. They’re just so good together (except for the sex bit lol). You can really feel their connection and history in all their interactions. They’ve got each other’s backs through and through. I love how their LOVE for one another is not even debatable. I like that. 

9. Audrey calling Aki, AKENO when she’s mad. Perfection. 

10. Literally everyone prefers the zoya scenes with julien more. There’s no point to have Obie there

11. I love Aki confronting Rafa. And i wanted to punch Rafa in that scene for so obviously being a predator and then threatening Aki. Have you seen Aki? No purer soul has ever existed. Aki doesn’t seem like the revenge type but I hope Max and Audrey seek revenge for sure. I also find it problematic that the writers made a poc the sexual predator. Not good. 

12. They’re obviously planting the seeds for a Kate and Zoya’s dad romance and ugh I just hate Kate so much, so NO NO NO.

13. Aki doing his research to find evidence against Rafa. THATS MA BOY. GET HIM AKIIIII. And max not listening to him wtf? and then later believing some random guy instead? 

14. Loved the call backs to serena and blair’s cotillion dresses and julien and zoya dressing up as Dan and Chuck (feeling sorry for serena for still being with Dan btw), and Zoya saying “I’m Chuck Bass.” LOVED IT

15. I get Audrey’s dilemma but her inviting her mom’s old friends was such a bad call. If her mom wanted to hang out with her old buddies she already would be. The reason she isn’t anymore is coz she’s cut them out of her life and doesn’t want to see them. So yeah, BAD call. But i get her frustration

16. Kiki being in the hospital and all responsibility and stress landing on Audrey. Typical Kiki behavior, it seems. That was so not the first time this had happened. Really made me feel bad for Audrey and how she must have grown up taking care of everything for her Mom. 

17. Max realising that the only reason his friends keep their distance is because he has created that distance and going all in to support his buddies. Total AWWWW moment, and i loved audrey beckoning him to join the group hug. SO SO PERFECT. Could have left out Obie from the hug but oh well. Still acceptable. 

18. Really curious to see why Monet had her mutiny. I honestly thought Obie was the one who got insecure with the new guy pic with Zoya and did the petty thing. But I was surprised to see it be Monet. Interested to see where her journey is headed. We definitely need more information on her background and family situation to make her fleshed out character. I was also surprised by Luna warming up to Zoya but i dig it. I liked seeing her nice side for once. 

19. So excited for the OT3 that was promised! I feel next episode will be it, guys! Right before the break. I feel like it’s gonna go GREAT initially and they’ll have fun together until Max either catches more feelings for Aki or Audrey which is gonna make things... complicated. In terms of how much Aki has been feeling protective of Max, it could be them. Or given the fiery nature of Max and Audrey’s scenes together and how both of them have something to bond over (family issues and drama), it might be them. Idk guys, it could go either way. But yeah, i feel it comin. Although I do want the writers to delay it as much as possible coz i feel like this OT3 would be the dream and should last a while. 

[dustedmagazine]

Listed: Emily Robb

Photograph by Jessica Kourkounis

We first caught up with Emily Robb on last year’s barn-burning Astute Palate album, though that’s our miss not hers. She’s been a factor in the Philadelphia noise/rock/experimental undergrounds for a while serving in various roles in Storks, Louie Louie and Lantern. Her first solo album, How to Moonwalk, is an absolute banger of which Jennifer Kelly wrote, “[Robb] explores fractured blistered guitar tone for most of this album, sculpting mammoth sonic sculptures from the vibrating conjunction of ax and amp…. This is fierce, undiluted guitar power from a Philadelphia comer. Don’t miss it.” Here’s her list of mind-blowing musical experiences.

I’ve listed ten albums I’ve been listening to lately and that I think are incredible. The links are either to full albums or specific songs from these albums. Thanks for listening!

The Beat of the Earth — Electronic Hole

This is a great psychedelic and folky rock album by Phil Pearlman (Relatively Clean Rivers). Though I wouldn’t say it reinvents the wheel, it has a singularity that I assume is because it’s mostly one person’s invention. It goes farrrr into Phil’s world. The run-on-sentence guitar playing is incredibly lyrical and very inspiring to me. I’m glad this one is available to me and others considering its obscure past.

Herman Chin Loy — Aquarius Dub

Beautifully murky and natural sounding early (maybe earliest!) dub. It’s incredibly psychedelic, totally sunk in its grooves and is the apotheosis of "less is more." I can listen to this over and over and over and over and over and over....

XV — XV

XV by XV

The first and hopefully not last official album from Michigan trio XV. I was so psyched to hear this album in 2019. The lyrics remind me of thought shards my brain tosses around while I’m sleeping — full of truths and contradictions. The riffs are mean, fun and rockin’. It’s a ray of hope in my world!

Yoko Ono — Fly

Yoko is a higher being as far as I’m concerned. This is one of several albums of hers that I truly love. She’s balls to the wall and emotional. There are great funky grooves on this album and it totally embraces rock and roll in a mangled way. What a great band. I am forever in awe of Yoko’s way.

Art Ensemble of Chicago — Message To Our Folks

This is, again, one of many albums by this Ensemble that I really tune in to. It’s free jazz and truly unique. It’s careening and loose and you can hear communications happening between members in real time. It’s a show of respect and a call for respect. I hear new and more with each listen.

Amon Düül — Paradieswärts Düül

For no real reason, I hadn’t really listened to this album before this past year. I know Kraut and Experimental are used to describe it, not incorrectly, but I think it’s a pretty uncategorizable album. It does have long psychedelic jams, but they have messages to communicate. It’s incredibly minimal at times and feels heavy. I think I have a lot to learn from this album.

Doronco Gumo — Oldtribe

I couldn’t find a link to stream the music anywhere, but it appears you can purchase a CD here. This album is so strange and sort of makes my skin crawl, but I can’t stop listening to it. It’s got very simple electronic beats and minimal synth with vocals that are too close for comfort. It’s truly a strange album and I love it. I’ve heard nothing like it.

Chuck Berry — San Francisco Dues

I’ve listened to a lot of Chuck Berry in my life but never this album before a friend recently recommended it. I have to really tune in to this one to appreciate it’s subtlety. A lot of the beauty in Chuck Berry’s brazenness is his ability to be subtle. That might sound controversial, but try getting high and listening to this album real close. You’ll get smooth vocals-no shouting-and silky guitar.

The Flesh Eaters — No Questions Asked

Incredible LA punk rock. I have listened to No Questions Asked and A Minute To Pray A Second To Die A LOT this year. Chris D’s songwriting is agitated and taunting. These are cathartic and rippin riffs. I don’t know if they’d relate to me, but I relate to them.

[hongism]

Hyello, okay so. I don't have the emotional energy to take in and discuss everything in that chapter so imma just gush over the info cause I am a ✨whore✨ for world building.

So obviously MOC SPOILER

hi bestie HELLO guess WHO!!! finally ANSWering!!! altho im gonna answer separately and space everything out all Neatly bc im all over the place so strap IN we’re going on an moc RIDE!

THERE'S A WHOLE SIREN COMMUNITY?! AND YN AND IT MUST BE WOOYOUNG WERE FRIENDS? SIRENS HAVE A FULLY FLEDGE COMMUNITY WITH PRIESTS AND SCHOOLS AND MULTUOLE CITIES TO SOME EXTEND??? MAYBE EVEN AN ENTIRE PLANET WITH SIRENS MAYBE THEIR ORIGIN PLANET? HOW MANY TYPES OF SIRENS ARE THERE AND IN THE COMMUNITY HOW DTRICT ARE THE DIFFERENT ROLES?!?! ALSO DOES THE SIREN COMMUNITY ALLOW FOR DIFFERENT TYPES OF SIRENS TO BE TOGETHER? OBVIOUSLY THEY SHOULD BUT ARE THE CHILDREN THEN HYBRID TYPES, LIKE WHEN WE GET BLUED DARK SKIND BABIES OR CAN A SKREN ONLY BE ONE TYPE. WHAT POWERS DO SIRENS HAVE AND DOES THE POWERS REFLECT THEIR PERSONALITY AND DO THE DIFFERENT TYOES LEAN TOWARDS CERTAIN JOBS. LIKE WE JUST LESRNED THE OCEAN GOTTA BE PRIESTS BUT MOON ISNT STRICT WHAT ABOUT FIRE. AND IS YN INSTIC TO PULL OUT A HEART CAUDE HER PERSONALITT, TRSUMA OR IS IT RELATED TO THE MOON. ALSO CAUSE ITS A RED MOON WHICH IS COMMONLY A BLOOD MOON, IS YN THEN A SPECIAL MOON SIREN AND THATS WHY HER POWERS ARE STEONGER OR HER INSTICTS TO USE THEM ARE STORNGER BUT THEN THE MILITARY FUCKED HER UP. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

now this is the thing im biting my tongue on SO HARD bc it’s my favorite aspect of the world building and the universe and everything involved in it bUTIHDFKJG THERS SO MUCH I WANNA SAYYYYYYYYYY in short that one dream sequence holds more hints and information than ANYTHING from previous chapters, i think that it’s probably the MOST IMPORTANT dream to date. while we’ve seen some crazy ones in the past, this one is both the biggest hint and the biggest window into y/n’s past by FARRRR. even tho that whole scene was dialogue i think there’s so much to pick up on from it and so much to see and learn from it and it’s one of my faves bc there’s so much to unpack from it !!

Like yes the story and the development is freaking ✨yes✨ I love it. Genuinely think moc should be released as books. But I just cannot deal with the emotions rn.

But also now all I'm going to be thinking about how many sirens are actually out there. And if yn knew her parents and wasn't just an orphan the military found in the streets... How the fuck did she end up in the military grasps. What happened to her parents what happened to the community, is it still out there? Guess I gotta go back and reread the galaxies and the backstories, obviously I must have missed or have forgotten something. Ugh how the puzzle pieces are puzzling (or something). Moc is a drug and I'm not going sober anytime soon

(obviously you don't have to respond to my questions, this is more just an insight into the spiralling of theories going on in my mind)

releasing moc as books? a dream and a half, i can say that much slkjdlgkjlkf but back to the sirens... how many are out there? we heard early on that hongjoong was looking for ‘the last five’ but then seonghwa debunked that and said that was a mistranslation over time that was passed down and such, but beyond that, we don’t really know much about sirens as a whole? there are some hints in the galaxies and planet descriptions but if that dream sequence is a puzzle, i would say we have a handful of pieces that can be put into place based on what we’ve learned so far!!!!

Okay I lied, I am ready to unpack a little of the ✨emotions✨

When hongjoong explained that hwa tried to stop San only for San to detain him and in a sense make him watch the scene unfold. And then realising hwa had to go through that again, only being even more helpless. I don't doubt hwa loves San, but to see the events happening again, with someone he clearly loves as much as he does yn even if he also loves joong, and to see the desperation and determination must have been just. Horrible. Just absolutely soul breaking horrible. I can imagine him vowing to himself after San that he would never let something like that happen again. That of any of the crew got out of control like that, that he would fight harder to stop them. That he would would do absolutely everything in his power to stop it. And then being helpless as he watched yn do it. Just pure heart wrenching pain. And it must have been beyond terrifying to see someone you love ready and determined to kill themselves partly from rage and partly from desperation. With the backstory, that scene becomes almost as cruel as the warehouse scene with San. The only redeeming quality is no one needing life saving surgery in a time crunch, otherwise they would be the same level of ✨never again✨

honestly i think the two crew members i torture the most are san and hwa bc i just keep putting them thru all this shit and hurting them so much but really this was the defining point of why seonghwa was so afraid. before we kinda just knew he was afraid of yn and hongjoong was mad about it. in this revelation we get to see the source of the trauma and how it was amplified by it being someone he loves as dearly as he loves yn. and for sure when first reading that scene of yn and jisung in the brig, it’s meant to evoke a sense of anger and rage like yn is so angry to a point where she would do this sort of thing, but my hope with that scene was also to show that desperation. that when looking back at it after having already seen the rage and the aftermath, that reading it again shows how desperate and hopeless she was in that moment. which is exactly the same emotion that was evoked back in that warehouse scene with san, except it was relayed differently because the warehouse was a more immediate sense of desperation. this brig scene was meant to emulate that but in a slow burn kinda way where the veil of realization is pulled off after the fact and not in the moment!!!

Just to make sure you don't misunderstand. Those asks were compliments. You are an absolutely incredible writer. And the fact that you aren’t afraid of hurting your characters *cough cough* SHOOTING SAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *CLEARS THROAT AGRESSIVELY* just makes the story much better. No one gets plot armour, making it more realistic (?) and really draws in the writer and sorta imitates the fear and desperation the characters feel

PLS don’t worry, i live for every moment and i live for these open and raw and genuine conversations i didn’t take any as an insult i PROMISE!! i think part of the nature of this whole trope of space pirates and criminals is that hter is no guarantee of safety! i don’t wanna have to cut corners to make sure everyone stays unharmed and undamaged throughout the story when the nature of the world i’ve built thus far is a wildly dangerous one!!! i always say that i try to be as realistic as i can, all things considered, and i think that’s the biggest thing that adds to the ‘realism’ in my mind so im so happy to hear that you see it and appreciate it and enjoy it!!!

OHOHOHOHOHOH ALSO

YN GRIPPING SOMEONES HEART??? YOU WRITE THAT SO FUCKING WELL. LIKE ENIGUH DETAILS THAT WE KNOW WHATS GOING ON, BUT ALSO NOT SO MANY DETAILS SO IT GETS DETACHWD FROM THE STORY. LIKE THE LACK OF CLEAR SUPER MANY DETAILS REALLY MADE IT THAT *YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THIS, NOT JUST READING IT* LIKE IT MADE IT WAY MORE EMOTIONAL AND OERSONAL AND THE READER REALLY GOT IMMERSED IN THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY THAT KUST MADE IT ALL RHE MORE BETTER. ALSO JOONG AFRAID????? JOONG REALISING HE GOT A FULLY FLEDGED HEART RIPPER SIREN WHO CANT CONTROL HER BODY TO MOVE THROUGH A HARMLESS DOOR BUT CAN DEFINITELY KILL IN A HEARTBEAT (OR TWO 👀) ALSO THE CONTRAST OF REMOVING RHE BLOOD COLOURED WHITE OLASTIC AND HAVING A CLEAN HAND UNDERNWATH. THE SYMBOL OF IT ALSO BEKNG A TRASH CLEANERS SUIT. LIKE SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY USE THE TRASH PROTECTION DUIT FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE. ALSO THE OART WHERE SHE SAYS SHES FINE EVEN TJO SHE ISNT. AT FIRST I READ IT AS HER TELLING HERSELF TO LIE BUT THEN I REALISED ITS HER ADMITTING SHE VERY MUCH ISNT. AND SAN NOT KNOWING???? AND KISSING HER HAND AND UGH AND SEONGHWA KNOWING. I BET HE'S LOWKEY GETTING MORE AND MORE AFRAID OF HER. LIKE YN IS READY TO KILL HERSELF AND ANYONE AROUND HER TO KEEP SAN SAFE. AND SHE INSTICTUALLY GOES FOR THE MODT AGRESSIVE METHOD POSSIBLE. IHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL WTITING AND YOUR TWISTED MIND THAT CAN CREATE ALL THESE FUCKING SCENES THAT GOT ME THUNKING AND FEELING ✨EMOTIONS✨

truly one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the chapter simply bc of how shocking and sudden it is!! for me, that was one of the easiest scenes to write in the chapter, oddly enough? it was something that when it came time to write it, i knew how i wanted it to be and was able to just sit down and write it out the way its written in the final draft of the chapter. i really love playing with those aspects of fiction and storytelling. tangible to a point, without spelling it out. i think it’s obvious that i really love delayed realization in writing, but i really like playing with how the brain processes information and for me personally, i don’t pick up on things right away! i can realize them in a snap or it can take me a bit to go ‘oh god that’s what happened’, and i like playing with that in y/n’s character a LOT.

and in that same vein of thought, there are some layers to that scene as well when compared to the door scene. in the door scene we saw hongjoong clearly tell y/n ‘you need to do this to save san’ yet she wasn’t able to do it despite trying and believing hongjoong. then in the heart scene we saw y/n clearly tell herself ‘you need to do this to save san’ and she did it then. so there’s a lot at play in that parallel alone too. and with that internal monologue she has of im fine vs not fine, then san kissing the hand that touched a literal real actual beating heart for me that was a sort of self indulgent scene and i was really worried about it coming across as too cheesy or something like that, but that is something that’s gonna impact y/n as a character and her relationship with san when they have the conversation of ‘oh hey i put my hand through a man’s chest for you’

i think part of why this chapter was so difficult to construct and write as a whole definitely is because of all the undertones and nuances throughout, and in a lot of ways it’s so so much to even think about that it’s almost too much packed into one chapter alone, but even if you don’t pick up on all the nuances throughout, i’m hoping to revisit them and bring them back around in that delayed realization style again bc that’s one of my favorite things to do ofc :3

[lesbiten]

Mkay so I was thinking (hahaha fiyero joke) about Wicked (but that's nothing new)

And

It's the fact that Glinda repeatedly lets the people she loves go??? In contrast to Nessa???? Like. We see repeatedly that Glinda, when in a situation where someone she loves wants to leave her, she just kind of... Lets them??? Like. The fact Fiyero was acting as if Glinda had a hold on him when she literally would just let him go if he wanted to, it's like. A giant slap in the face??? And also like. She genuinely did care for whether or not he wanted to be in a relationship with her??? Like sure, I don't think either of them genuinely liked each other that way, and even Glinda was like. But you want this, right??? You'll be happy if we get married, right??? And Fiyero was like, "oh you know me" and it's like. How was she supposed to know he was unhappy???? But even though it was unexpected, Glinda still let Fiyero go, and it's just. I hate Fiyero's implication that he was trapped??? Like I guess you can imply that from the "surprise engagement party" but also like. I think at that point they've been in a "relationship" for several years???

But also like. Back to the point, Glinda repeatedly lets the people she loves go, in contrast to Nessa who always tries to make them stay and I'm just. There's something to be said there??? Like. Glinda are you okay??? Why do you feel compelled to let the people you love leave you???? MA'AM????

ive heard! (hahahahaha) (passes out)

anyways

yeah it kind of sucks that glinda is treated like she's holding fiyero hostage in this relationship when she...just isn't. she has no reason to. the only reason she's with him is for the social image of having the Perfect Fiance. and it's not like she's going to care about that SO MUCH that if he were to just like. say no to her. or break up with her. that she would threaten him or force him to stay?

fiyero did not love glinda for a single second he was with her, yet he has the audacity to act like SHE'S the bad one in their relationship. the worst thing she did was the surprise engagement, but i can excuse that because "congratulotions" is fucking hilarious (and also because like you said they've been together for years and she had no reason to believe he wasn't happy because he DOES NOT COMMUNICATE WITH HER)

it makes me more mad because like. he tells her to her face in thank goodness that she's wrong for being Glinda the Good. but that at the same time she "can't resist it". you know who tells her the exact same fucking thing? madame morrible in march of witch hunters. glinda gets told both by her fiance AND by the musical's antagonist that she's complacent with the awful things that have happened. but when fiyero does it, it's supposed to be a moment where he's like. teaching her a lesson or whatever the fuck. regardless it depicts him as being in the right for running off. when morrible says it, it's clear that it's her being openly hostile towards glinda even though we the audience KNOW glinda is not happy. they say the same thing in different words but they're treated like wildly different scenarios. they aren't, actually!

anyways i think i have gone FARRRR from the point but um. yeah i think nessa tends to hold tightly onto people in a similar fashion to elphaba because both of them feel like they are "wrong" in society's eyes. meanwhile glinda has never had problems making friends so she's more used to just...letting people leave because she doesn't have strong connections to them. so when she DOES form strong connections to people, it's just like. a learned behavior that if they drift away from her to just let them. she can find new friends anyways, right? (right..?????)

but i do think she realizes by the end (obviously too late) that she NEEDS to hold onto the people she loves. and by that point all of the people she cared about were too far away for her to get back. her going back for elphaba in for good is her choosing to try to keep a hold on her loved ones for the first time ever, and obviously that didn't work out for her

[rays-animorphs]

Book 5 Part 2: Hell is for Middle Schoolers

You’re relying on a bus and are only giving yourselves ten minutes wiggle room? Yeah that’s a terrible idea.

“Marco doesn’t believe in optimism.” Marco is right.

Lite. Ite.

I am having…some pretty unpleasant feels about how concerned the kids are about Ax, who is acting neurodivergent, looking “weird”. I mean, yes, of course they’re trying to not call attention to themselves, and around that age is the Peak Embarrassed About Everything zone, and also…it is bringing up all the feels.

I pass, or at least I pass as far as going to an electronics store is concerned.

It is bringing up all the feels.

I don’t actually know what the cost of masking has been to me. I remember once being surprised that it was possible for something I was interpreting as a subjective experience to have an effect on physical reality. Because I was so used to the idea that my subjective experiences were completely irrelevant and I should treat them as completely irrelevant. That my feelings and sensations were only real if other people thought they seemed plausible. That “I’m cold” was only meaningful if “it’s cold” was also true, and that any feelings I had weren’t, you know, valid unless they made sense to other people.

And here’s Ax and he doesn’t understand the purpose of clothing, let alone the importance these American humans place on being normal, and he’s not even trying to mask because he’s never been taught that it matters and … I don’t even know what kind of person I would be if I didn’t think that “looking normal” mattered.

(Besides, I'm pretty sure, happier, less anxious, less depressed, and more able to figure out a happy medium of expressing anger appropriately in between extremes of suppressing/isolating and expressing in destructive ways.)

And…we don’t know what the deal is with the kids, even though we’re getting all of their POV’s. This can be really hidden. You do it habitually, second nature, without thinking about it. Inauthenticity is something people learn in the time before memories. What kind of person would Secret Amazon Rachel be if she didn’t know in her bones that she has to perform femininity and niceness up to a certain standard all the time? What kind of person would “the comedian” Marco be if he knew he could fit in no matter how he talked and acted and if he could decide for himself if he thought Ax was “cute” even though he’s a boy? Who would Cassie be if she wasn’t so very careful about being “the peacemaker” and never the one who breaks the peace? Who would Jake be if he didn’t have to try out for the basketball team in order to get close to his brother, if he didn’t have to put himself down for having a messy room because he kept a piece of string in a drawer, if the rest of the kids weren’t forcing him into the role of leader?

Ax has cultural conditioning, obviously — warriors don’t show fear and all — but it’s very different from the humans’ cultural conditioning. And for him, morphing is perhaps an escape from being an Andalite in the same way that for the humans being animals are an escape from being human and having to play by the human rules. Mind your own business. Don’t confront scary guys who are creeping you out. Be small. Be peaceable. Keep yourself under control at all times. Ax hasn’t realized that just as Andalites have social rules, so do humans (maybe more social rules, it’s not clear) and if he’s going to pass as human to other humans he can’t escape, he has to be on guard, like a spy, like a soldier.

I don’t want Ax to be on guard. I want him to enjoy his human body and play with words and fall over a lot and get excited about being able to do somersaults…I want them to take him to a playground so he can go down slides and on the swings and on the monkey bars. I want him to get to enjoy doing things that Andalite bodies can’t do. I don’t want him to have to put on shoes and not act weird.

“So far. So far. Farrrr. Faaar. So. Ssso far so so so good.”

I think I need to take a break from reading.

[pumpumdemsugah]

isee the whole 'my yts r good yts' on twitter(when i was on there) a LOT. and it's wild because usually they defend the yt before they even ask for it and (because it always comes out) when the yt is antiblack they still get outta pocket in their defense. I dont understand it at all. they will NEVER show you the same kindnes like we've seen it time and time again. i guess it makes then feel more human? idk. and it's not only whites i see with with nbpoc as well. cosigning all sorts of shit.

its such a deep affliction and the people doing it never think they are. they just think they have some objective truth or understanding but if another group of white people did they same thing they would rightfully agree their behaviour is wayyyy off base and racist. its like, are they paying your rent? 

what sparked this is seeing some Black women talk about racism from white women and one pipe up about not being sexist and another about apparent aggression like they were benevolent moderators with the ultimate truth.some people think because white men started using buzzwords to be sexist to white women that criticisms of white women’s racism were invented in 2017 by social media. The buffoonery in defining your race analysis and consciousness that way is such a small minded childish approach it borders on chronic stupidity 

The fact is, there is this long held narrative about white innocence and a permanent state of childishness and contrary a view, they’re also the only rational ones so they need everyone else to be their caretaker or defer to them because they were born right. This dynamic is older than you me and our grandparents. If a ~defense~ of a group of white adult people has you acting like they aren’t anything but grown adult people, why is that? They’re adults and speaking to an adult woman like an adult woman because she’s doing dumb shit is called life. Far too many white people struggle to form good arguments involving whiteness without acting like they’re innocent babies who are incapable of wrong doing instead of making a good point 

And the fact is, regardless of social status of axis of oppression, farrrr too many white people are more than happy to play the im the ONLY sensible adult here then revert into the defenseless child role when you speak to them like an adult that doesn’t walk on egg shells around them like they have all the answers

[nahalism]

Why the choice of celibacy? I’ve been thinking to try it myself but I’m not sure.

oh gosh lol. there are a few reasons why and some probably need a trigger warning so, ill split this into two parts, the first explaining the reasons why and the second with what i got from it (so if u are trigger prone u can infer why without the details) —firstly, my mums from a tribe where its tradition to practice female genital mutilation, and its actually something she was shamed for not continuing. so despite her efforts to shelter us from that, sex was not something openly discussed. ever. and if sexual content ever came up (on tv ect) it always felt like something debauched and provocative that i should b embarassed of. children r sponges so ofc, i inadvertantly picked up on her attitudes and conditioning & inherited that shame. that shame only got worse once i did get sexual urges and begin to explore them because it was toward both girls and boys and i wasnt bout to b telling my mum i kissed my best friend under the table of my catholic school when i was 5 :). so yh.... in addition to repressing that, i then went on to b exposed to porn and introduced/groomed for sex at farrrr too young an age and that shit sent me over the edge cause i was already moving like a social chameleon, so those experiences just added to emotional disconnect i was suffering from and led me to enact sex and sexuality from what id been told opposed to what i felt. all those experiences heightened my inability to feel anything at all, let alone express myself from a place of authenticity. so, in that sexuality and sex became solely performative, and rather than being a natural expression of my feelings or something that i enjoyed or felt present during, i would only actually enjoy it in as far as a tool for ‘control’. back then almost every relationship i had was built on trauma bonding so id get myself into these mad situations that were emotionally, mentally and borderline physically abusive because the intense emotional bursts mixed with heavy lust and would blind me to peoples true natures and the fact that under it all we had nothing but pain in common and didnt even really like eachother. ultimately sexuality became a coping mechanism and a way to ‘diffuse situations’. i used it appease people rather than enjoy it as something fun or as the the result of intimacy. id use the fact i could allure my partners or turn them on to keep them ‘close’ to me, but also to feel useful. i liked the idea (and trust me it was just an idea) that i was the only one that could get these avoidant, sometimes mean and apparantly emotional people to be ‘calm’ or get them to a state of ‘tenderness’.

so yeah. i felt that it was important to be celibate. not only to start healing and deconstructing all the external conditioning id recieved, but so that as i did start to feel myself out and get a picture of what my self worth was and what my sexual energy looked and felt like, i could marinate in it for a while and let it blossom, before sharing it in its early stages and risk having it be warped and moulded by an outside force again. its been great for my self awareness, getting in tune with what i feel opposed to getting trapped in thinking so much. its been good for my mental clarity too, great for my creativity and over all brought me closer to nature and my ‘creator/higher self’. in terms of relationships its a process and you cant do all the work alone, but what it has done is given me the clarity to discern. by waiting or taking sex out of the picture altogether there are no distractions left. you either like the person or you dont, and that makes it easier to navigate trust and building a truer sense of presence and intimacy with someone, opposed to lust which can give the illusion of closeness but be something else altogether. all in all, what celibacy does for you is all up to how mindfully you spend the time in which yiur celibate. abstaining from sex alone may be useful depending what your intentions are, but if what you want is to increase self awareness and embark on self realisation celibacy is just a small (albiet helpful & useful) part of it. whilst it will heighten the results of your practice, there is no substitute for doing the the inner work

[giny-weasley]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? Probably my friend Lauren 2. Are you outgoing or shy? Outgoing 3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? Nathan 4. Are you easy to get along with? Yes, without a doubt 5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? If they were around, yes. 6. What kind of people are you attracted to? Kind people that I see the world in, even if they don’t see it themselves 7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? No clue. And I’m really trying not to be hopeful. 8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? A disastrous mix of my current crush and two of my exes 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? More than I wish it did 10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Lauren, as always 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? ‘Love you too’  12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? If the World was Ending, Changes, Holding Hands, Matches, Into You 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Not at all 14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? Yes but I also believe in karma.  15. What good thing happened this summer? I took the space I needed 16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Hopefully not, but I don’t trust my heart, my mind, my body, or alcohol. 17. Do you think there is life on other planets? Most certainly 18. Do you still talk to your first crush? Most definitely. I’m on speaking terms with all my major crushes and exes, is this not a normal thing? 19. Do you like bubble baths? On occasion  20. Do you like your neighbors? No comment 21. What are your bad habits? Picking my face, doesn’t help with the body positivity at all 22. Where would you like to travel? Everywhere I haven’t been and everywhere I have. 23. Do you have trust issues? I don’t think so.  24. Favorite part of your daily routine? Texting my friends 25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? Chin or stomach 26. What do you do when you wake up? Make tea and start on work 27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Usually not, but sometimes darker 28. Who are you most comfortable around? The people I love the most and often can’t tell them why 29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? Well only one evenly partly broke up with me, but yes. Of course. 30. Do you ever want to get married? I don’t have an opinion atm. 31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? Yes 32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? Megan Fox 33. Spell your name with your chin. xkdffz 34. Do you play sports? What sports? volleyball I guess 35. Would you rather live without TV or music? easy, without tv 36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? a hundred times, yes 37. What do you say during awkward silences? meow 38. Describe your dream girl/guy? sweet, open about emotions, balances my happiness with their own 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? target and Ikea 40. What do you want to do after high school? college? 41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? yes 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? something is on my mind and I want someone to ask me about it 43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes 44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? outer space 45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? tea and sun and hope 46. What are you paranoid about? hurting the people I love 47. Have you ever been high? yes 48. Have you ever been drunk? yes 49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? nothing I want NO ONE to know 50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? forest green 51. Ever wished you were someone else? of course, I'm a woman 52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my FOMO 53. Favourite makeup brand? Laura mercier 54. Favourite store?  55. Favourite blog? Lucy Moon 56. Favourite colour? red 57. Favourite food? lamb vindaloo 58. Last thing you ate? ice cream 59. First thing you ate this morning? eggs and avocado 60. Ever won a competition? For what? soccer I guess 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no 62. Been arrested? For what? no 63. Ever been in love? unfortunately 64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? sat outside on a red bench before class, a short kiss, but an exhilarating one 65. Are you hungry right now? no 66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? both 67. Facebook or Twitter? facebook 68. Twitter or Tumblr? Tumblr 69. Are you watching tv right now? no 70. Names of your bestfriends? Lauren, Anna, Vivian, Claire  71. Craving something? What? yes, people 72. What colour are your towels? mostly white 72. How many pillows do you sleep with? two 73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? not anymore 74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? I know, one. 75. Favourite animal? sea otters, they wrap their tails togethers so they don’t drift away while they sleep 76. What colour is your underwear? blue 77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla 78. Favourite ice cream flavour? anything with caramel 79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey 80. What colour pants? cheetah print 81. Favourite tv show? psych 82. Favourite movie? life of Walter Mitty 83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? there’s a 2? 84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? mean girls 85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? emo girl 86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? dory 87. First person you talked to today? Amy  88. Last person you talked to today? Amy 89. Name a person you hate? no one 90. Name a person you love? my brother 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? not particularly 92. In a fight with someone? not as far as I know 93. How many sweatpants do you have? one 94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? two 95. Last movie you watched? inception, great movie 96. Favourite actress? carrie fisher 97. Favourite actor? Robert downey jr. 98. Do you tan a lot? no 99. Have any pets? cato 100. How are you feeling? okay 101. Do you type fast? yes 102. Do you regret anything from your past? nothing completely  103. Can you spell well? yes, spelling bee champ 104. Do you miss anyone from your past? of course 105. Ever been to a bonfire party? yep 106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yep 107. Have you ever been on a horse? yeah 108. What should you be doing? sleeping 109. Is something irritating you right now? not really 110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? most definitely, like an emptiness in your stomach, like a train running over your head, like a hammer to the heart 111. Do you have trust issues? only when it comes to trusting myself 112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? probably my friend Claire, though I don’t think she knows this 113. What was your childhood nickname? se-se, bc my brother couldn’t pronounce my name 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes 115. Do you play the Wii? a long time ago 116. Are you listening to music right now? of course  117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? not against it 118. Do you like Chinese food? definitely 119. Favourite book? book thief 120. Are you afraid of the dark? no 121. Are you mean? not usually 122. Is cheating ever okay? the short answer is no 123. Can you keep white shoes clean? definitely not 124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no 125. Do you believe in true love? depends on your definition 126. Are you currently bored? slightly 127. What makes you happy? friends and coffee and being productive and helping people 128. Would you change your name? yes 129. What your zodiac sign? pisces 130. Do you like subway? no 131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? probably date them for a bit before dumping them in a horrible breakup, as per my track record 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? Lauren 133. Favourite lyrics right now? ‘all my friends are way too drunk to save me from my phone, so im sorry if I say something I mean’ 134. Can you count to one million? yes 135. Dumbest lie you ever told? can’t remember 136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed 137. How tall are you? 5, 8 138. Curly or Straight hair? wavy? 139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette 140. Summer or Winter? summer 141. Night or Day? night 142. Favourite month? august 143. Are you a vegetarian? no 144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? darkkkkk 145. Tea or Coffee? coffee 146. Was today a good day? yes 147. Mars or Snickers? snickers 148. What’s your favourite quote? ‘everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always’ 149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? book too farrrr

[watermelonsandcherries]

6:50pm(6/08/2019) : just a quick update on my life or study life so farrrr... My summer holidays literally just consists of revision for the BMAT and UCAT. I'm also trying to revise AS content so I don't forget it once my A2 starts but that's not going so well because I think I've lost my notes for genetic diversity. I think I'm gonna cry because they took so long and were so detailed. Now I'm not so sure I can rewrite them with the same level of detail.

On a brighter note, my skin is clearing up and my cousins wedding is coming up so that'll be fun. Tomorrow I'm also going to go out with my friend to give out my CV for any work placements and she said she wants to show me this Lebanese restaurant so I'm also excited for that

Also started reading a new book recommended by someone close to me how sweet. The book is called black hole blues and so far it's interesting. I really want to take my time on it since whoever recommended it to me said they thought of me when they read it SO UWU.

[girlbookwrm]

A New Year’s Thor

THE MIGHTY ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES WITH KENNETH BRANAGH’S thor

How did I spend New Year’s? Continuing our mighty pre-endgame rewatch with The Roommate ( @goteamwin ) and The Gal Pal ( @pegasuschick ). We’re watching Thor, the Kenneth Branagh-i-est of the Marvel Movies.

Note: We were all. Very Drunk. 

“You know what’s worked great in all our movies so far? TIME JUMPS!” - every early marvel film.

right away I comment to The Roommate: What is up with all these angled shots? 

The Roommate, a video editor and producer: Actually that’s called a canted shot.

Me, mere moments later: not a lot of shots in this that AREN’T canted, are there.

seriously, watch this movie. If I made note of every canted shot, these rewatch notes would be 90% CANT.

Stellan Skarsgard here bringing the Nord, and Natalie Portman bringing the... wait how the hell did they get Natalie Portman in-- oh right. Kenneth Branagh directed this.

hey it’s Tonsberg! like from CATFA! Neat!

listen there are too many blue cubes in marvel. This was super fucking confusing when I was wee and not yet obsessively into Marvel. There’s the Casket (which the frost giants use) and then there’s the Tesseract (which is different? but also blue??) and let it be known that in the comics there is ALSO the cosmic cube which is NEITHER of those things but the roommate initially called both the Casket and the Tesseract the Cosmic Cube, because -- as was previously mentioned -- this is super fucking confusing.

Let it be known that the Roommate, when quite young, went to see this movie in theaters with her very first boyfriend on her very first date.

The Roommate, Way Back When: So... they’re gods? like? the norse gods?

The Roommate’s Very First Boyfriend: They’re actually aliens.

The Roommate, Now: He was wildly underexplaining this.

what actually is this ceremony? what does it accomplish?

Tom Hiddleston has said nothing yet, but he has said So Much. Also, 

The Roommate: Who is that  lovely woman in the horned helmet? Loki has a beautiful woman’s face.

The Gal Pal: He does make a beautiful mare. The MOST beautiful mare, in fact.

She is Not Wrong.

thank god someone saved us from Malibu Thor here, he is Too Blonde

“I, Odin Allfather, Proclaim you the Frost Giants.” 

this must have been so confusing for all the Asgardians here.

Oh hey it’s Sif and What’s His Face and That Other Guy and F...

farrrr...

franduil?

fan... dis?

AT THIS POINT WE HIT MIDNIGHT WHILE IDRIS ELBA WARNED US TO BE CAREFUL IN THE COLD WASTES OF JOTUNHEIM

FANDRAL!

fandral is his name.

At this point, while the fighting was going on, we got a lil side tracked talking about the movie in general.

The Roommate: It’s like the Temptation of Thor. Christ spent 40 days in the desert, Thor spends 48 hours in New Mexico.

The Gal Pal: Are you saying Thor is better at this than Jesus?

The Roommate: No, I’m saying he’s half-baked.

This is the first time Thor flies with the hammer and all i could think was “oh my god the hammer pulled you off???”

Dear Anthony Hopkins, what are your acting choices?

Anthony Hopkins: HUARGH!!!!!

aaaaaand thirty minutes in, we’re finally back to the beginning.

“Yes I did” Darcy is a T R E A S U R E

So much of this movie is Thor becoming unconscious. bless.

C A N T

All men (with a few odd token women), grilling, pickup trucks, literal “hold my beer” -- u s a, U S A, U! S! A!

pooter!

Hey! Phil is here!

aw yissss thor with no shirt -- sidenote: he’s definitely freeballing it here, right? I mean there’s no way he’s wearing underwear under those jeans. Doesn’t that chafe on his little hammer?

Let’s all agree that right up until he goes way off the deep end, Loki is 10000% not wrong about any of this. Thor was definitely not ready to be king, he was an idiot. and also, I was never much of a Loki fan, personally, but Loki’s having a real bad day. 

Grows up being told that he was destined to be a king, but there’s only one throne --> has to watch his idiot brother get ?crowned? --> decides to play a prank (who wouldn’t, right?) --> fRoSt GIaNt???????? --> BRoTHerR BAnISHedD????????? --> FROST GIANT???????? --> ODINSLEEP?????????? --> KING NOW?????????? BUT FROST GIANT STILL??????????????

Loki and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

And seriously, what was Odin’s plan here? “I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, and I’d just pepper in the fact that you’re a frost giant and I kidnapped you and you’d be totally cool with it.”

Odin Allfather: A+ parenting, Literal baby snatcher.

THIS DRINK! I LIKE IT! ANOTHER!

The Roommate: I love that Jane’s motivation isn’t really to get with Thor, it’s to get with SCIENCE.

Sometimes I forget that this is actually a funny movie, but they just had no idea how to handle the comedy in it? like, they had a comedy script and they just filmed it like a straight drama/action movie for some reason.

“A pioneer in gamma radiation” Is that bruce???

follow up: yes. Yes it is Bruce.

The canting here is Very Cant.

What time of year is it in NM that everyone is wearing this many layers.

Thor being all: “I know ur midgardian but I’d tap that.”

Jane Foster: Brilliant Scientist, Menace on the Road.

Why. Why is the SHIELD site set up like this.

What purpose does it serve

why.

W H Y.

(subnote, we investigated this afterwords and apparently it’s designed to look like a sigil of the word SHIELD, like all the letters smooshed on top of each other but also IT IS NOT and also also THAT IS DUMB AS FUCK.)

(though grudgingly, i admit, thematically appropriate given the overall norse-ness of this movie.)

(STILL FUCKING STUPID)

sitwell!

What is causing this rain?

The Roommate: Because, like everything else from Asgard, Meu-myeh is Extra™

Hey it’s Hawkguy!

Side side note, I am pretty sure that I also went to see this movie with my very first boyfriend and he got super excited about Hawkeye like “omg it’s clint and he has a bow and he’s so fucking cool omg omg omg!” and i was just like “????? kay? but he passed over all those obviously superior guns and then he does literally nothing tho????”

fast forward and the first comic i bought for myself was Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye

aaaaand I’m dating a woman now.

Honestly cannot tell if windy or cant

H U A R G H ! ! ! !

I really want to go into the roommate’s Benedict Cumberbatch Upgrade Theory of Tom Hiddleston but also this is getting super long and honestly she’s so right it deserves its own post

nah I’m gonna

The theory goes like this: Bandersnatch Cucumberpatch is an alien scout sent to learn our ways and gain influence in our culture, but he’s like, the first draft. They weren’t really sure what a human was supposed to look like. 

Tom Hiddleston is Model 2.0

Tom Hiddleston is the upgraded Benedict Cumberbatch

The roommate explained this to me and I just looked at her sidelong for a looooooooong minute and said: u sure u want me to put this on the internet? r u sure??

“You have great power, Heimdall”

The Gal Pal: yeah, ur the only black man is Asgard.

“hit you with my car” WAIT IS ALL THOR’S CHARACTER GROWTH THE RESULT OF TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY?

*CANT INTENSIFIES*

Thor: I’m just a man. Just a very tall, very handsome, VERY buff man.

wouldn’t it have been AMAZING if Jane had caught the hammer instead? I mean? WOULDN’T THAT HAVE BEEN FUCKING AWESOME????

Frigga: She Did Her Best, But She Still Raised The Two Dumbest Boys In the Nine Realms.

Despite my earlier statements, Loki definitely does end his day with attempted fratricide, successful patricide, and questionably successful genocide so.

“Is it madness? Is it? IS IT???”

The Roommate: I mean. Yeah, buddy.

At this point, Thor has No Idea what the fuck is going on. he doesn’t know Loki’s a frost giant.

ORRRR he does know, because everyone knew, everyone but Loki always knew.

Odin: *WAKES UP* WTF ARE MY SONS DOING?

“no loki” ODIN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDE

“you’ve already made me proud” literally all you had to do was say that to your other son one (1) time.

wait is this a foo fighters song???