#sirius is not that dumb actually

[dumbass-gryffindor1960]

Sirius is dumb af. And oblivious. It took him several months to realise that James and Regulus were dating.

Regulus is smart af, he understood that Sirius and Remus were in love before none of them had realised their own feelings.

But since he was 4 years old, Sirius always used he/him pronouns for his brother. And Reggie realised that he was a boy only 7 years later.

[4depressedfrogs]

i told my friend shag meant sleep and it was the best thing ive ever done in my entire life i will never top it. anyways heres wolfstar

Remus: sirius yk how you said you wana learn more muggle slang?

Sirius: yeah!!

Remus: well shagging means sleeping. like, if you wana sleep you wana shag.

Sirius (taking notes): cheers moony!

[later in the common room]

Sirius (loud and proud): ok im gona go shag, coming moony?

James:

Peter:

Lily:

the whole of gryffindor:

Remus (quietly flustered):....oh merlin

[arliedraws]

Can you write a fiction in which Sirius, who escaped from Azkaban, goes back in time, kidnaps James and protects him from Peter and Voldemort? Short or long fiction, it doesn't matter, thank you in advance, I'm sorry my english is a little bad :(

Like…in a sexy way?

‘Cause you know I hear the word “kidnap” and when it involves two people I think should be lovers, it’s gonna be a sexy kidnapping. Especially if there’s an age gap between older Sirius and younger James 👀

[multishipperofgaydeadwizards]

sirius who is stupid but he isn't

everyone thinks he's stupid, he let's them. hell he actively makes them think that. but then he'll randomly say the smartest shit on this earth. so smart it makes remus himself look stupid... then he says something incredible stupid to balance things out

[darkfromday]

PLEASE keep the HP Wiki to canon information *only* ffs, and here’s what I mean by that

looks like recently someone has edited Dumbledore’s page, specifically about Harry, with some of the most common fandom misinformation: namely about Harry and the Dursleys, Dumbledore’s intentions, guardianship and a godfather’s rights and responsibilities (parental or otherwise). Seen here:

since I can’t edit this section myself to correct it, and since it pisses me off, I’m debunking it in order instead:

First!

‘taking him away from his godfather and rightful guardian’: far, far too many people have mixed up the terms “godfather” and “guardian” in the HP fandom. We’ll come back to this in a sec, but first...

An aside: The line above is written as though Dumbledore swooped down from the roof like a bat and snatched baby Harry out of Sirius’ arms. Funny image, but it’s not what happened. Dumbledore didn’t “take” Harry away from Sirius. Sirius made one attempt to take Harry at Godric’s Hollow, but when Hagrid rebuffed him and said “Dumbledore says he’s going to his aunt and uncle’s” Sirius did not fight back until he won. From Hagrid’s words, he “argued, but in the end he gave in”. He then immediately pivoted to trying to get revenge for Pettigrew’s betrayal. 

He did not say “Petunia?! Great Scott, Lily and James wouldn’t want this! She hates Lily, she won’t raise Harry right” or any of the many other lines that have been included in innumerable fanfics (which is fandom’s right, no one’s arguing that! the lines just aren’t supported by canon like so many people seem to think). 

So there is no argument to be made that any of Lily or James’ friends “knew” anything about Lily and Petunia’s strained relationship, or that she even brought it up. Even Severus Snape (who would have probably seen/heard most of their relationship firsthand as it evolved and devolved) never brought this up in canon.

Back to “taking him away from his godfather and rightful guardian”. This was clearly written by a Dumbledore-basher and an uncritical Sirius fan. I say “uncritical Sirius fan” because I like Sirius myself, but I’m more interested in seeing him portrayed accurately in canon discussions/writings like the Wiki is meant to be, in order to preserve his agency and prevent other characters from being bashed in the name of ‘protecting’ him. I’m worried the author of these pro-Sirius edits is a fan that doesn’t see his flaws, because this is not only unsupported by canon, it’s not even supported in real life. This is the dictionary definition of “godfather” that comes up via Google:

Obviously the first definition is the meaningful one here: “a man who presents a child at baptism and promises to take responsibility for their religious education”. That’s right: religious education. Not guardianship. In modern times, there are probably people in real life who make their children’s godparents their legal guardians as well in the event of the unthinkable, but Wikipedia’s civil and religious-based definition of the term leans heavily on the religious implications with only brief references to the civil implications (which do state that the godparent can become mentor or guardian to the bereaved child).

Religion in general isn’t mentioned much in HP, so it’s likely that the religious definition wasn’t relevant to what James and Lily wanted. And (to be fair to uncritical Sirius fans) there was an understanding that if something happened to James and Lily that Sirius would step in to become Harry’s guardian, which is stated by Sirius himself in Chapter 20 of Prisoner of Azkaban. (More on this in my second rebuttal.) But Sirius states both things separately: specifically, he asks first if Harry knows that Sirius is his godfather, then states that Lily and  James named Sirius Harry’s guardian. That tells me that the two are not inextricably linked even in the wizarding world: one can be a godparent without accepting any legal responsibility for the child. But that’s a moot sub-point, since Sirius does accept that responsibility.

Right?

Well. Actually, no. Not instantly. That’s the issue: at the critical moment, Sirius does not step up to this responsibility. 

His chance to do is clear: Hagrid is merely a stand-in for Dumbledore, who had clearly already come up with the protective charm he hoped to activate with Petunia. Hagrid at this point doesn’t know that Sirius was the Secret-Keeper, so he has no reason to suspect Sirius of anything yet. Hagrid is big and strong—annnd also a half-giant monitored by the racist British Ministry, forbidden to legally use magic; a bit of subterfuge and perhaps some Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder, and Sirius could have gotten away free and clear with his godson, if he wanted to. In the worst-case scenario where Harry had to go to his aunt and uncle anyway, Sirius also could have just gone with Hagrid, hung around the Dursleys’ house until his situation was cleared up, and then worked with Dumbledore on a way to be involved with Harry without sacrificing or compromising the blood protection. What most Dumbledore-bashers miss is that Sirius did not do any of those things for two reasons: 

1)  his priorities were skewed toward revenge (seriously. instead of telling literally anyone on his side about the Fidelius switch before it could be pinned on him, he chose to go after Pettigrew alone, because he further underestimated his former friend’s cunning and skill. and not even to bring him in for judgment, but to just kill him and destroy any evidence of his own innocence. bruh. I love you, but you idiot.)

and

2) he trusted Dumbledore to take care of Harry. IRL people nowadays like to treat trusting Dumbledore in general as a moral failing, but it’s not, whether in our world or in-universe. Dumbledore is the leader of Sirius’ rebellion against Voldemort, his blood family, and all blood purists. This is the man who didn’t expel Sirius for putting Severus’ life and Remus’ safety in danger. This is the man who offered to become Lily and James’ Secret Keeper himself to ensure their absolute safety. If Sirius hadn’t trusted Dumbledore, he might have fought harder to start his new life as a surrogate father. 

Or maybe he wouldn’t have fought—who knows? We know a little about Sirius, but the tragedy of the series is that he dies before we and Harry can get a full picture of him as a complete person (both before and after Azkaban). But I know for a fact that we certainly don’t ever hear him disparage Petunia Dursley—in fact, when he offers himself and his home to Harry in PoA, this is his exact line:

"I'll understand, of course, if you want to stay with your aunt and uncle," said Black. "But... well... think about it. Once my name's cleared... if you wanted a... a different home..."

Now why would Sirius say this if he knew for a fact that Petunia and Vernon were emotionally and psychologically abusing Harry, or that they were horrid and untrustworthy people in general? He wouldn’t. No one in their right mind would. He didn’t know. In fact, when Harry hesitates in the next line, made speechless by the opportunity for freedom, Sirius misinterprets it as a sign that Harry’s quite happy living with his mother’s family and doesn’t want anything to do with living with him. Harry has to untie his tongue to correct this impression (in the most vague way ever, notably: he never directly mentions how the Dursleys treat him. typical Harry).

So. We know Sirius isn’t nursing any grudge against Petunia Dursley. And we know he didn’t stake his claim on Harry in 1981. Fandom (and bash-friendly fans of Sirius especially) would do well to grapple with this bit of canon and redeem Sirius of this flaw in their works, rather than erasing it, whitewashing it, or pointing their fingers at other characters and absolving Sirius of his agency in the story.

Next!

‘despite them not even being named guardians in the event of James and Lily’s death’: ah yes, the “the Dursleys weren’t legally named guardians!” argument. (first off: I hate the Dursleys. this post is not Dursley apologism. fuck the Dursleys. if I’d had my way they would have been brutally murdered the second Dumbledore and Harry left their doorstep in book 6. But anyway.)

Not to be one of those “your word against his” people, but as stated above in Counterargument A, Sirius states in Chapter 20 of PoA that James and Lily appointed him as Harry’s guardian if anything ever happened to them:

"Well... your parents appointed me your guardian," said Black stiffly. "If anything happened to them..."

... and he’s the only word we have on that point. 

Fans of “Sirius and/or Remus raise Harry” (or even “Amelia Bones/the Malfoys pre-defection/other random HP character raises Harry”) often tout this as a reason that Dumbledore was “stealing” Harry from his rightful place, and include a lot of bogus legalese during their obligatory Gringotts or Wizengamot chapter. But the fact is: we don’t ever see James and Lily’s will. A will is never mentioned in any of the books. Wartime or not, since they’re twenty-one years old, it’s very likely that they just didn’t make one—and certainly not one that explicitly named Sirius as Harry’s guardian or disqualified Petunia from being one. 

This may be hard for some fans to swallow, but it’s another piece of the puzzle of the tragedy of the Potters: like many young people, they thought themselves invincible even when in direct danger, and the one they left behind paid the price for their mistakes.

All of this detailed wordvomit ignores the most important counterargument to this line: namely, the one brought up before. Sirius’ choice and its consequences. With the agency he possessed in 1981, he chose to pursue Pettigrew and, when that failed, chose to let the entire wizarding world believe that he was the traitor. Perhaps his grief and guilt tied his tongue. Perhaps he felt the only punishment that was adequate for losing his surrogate brother was prison. He says “I as good as killed them,” in PoA, but the truth is that (regardless of his mistakes) he didn’t kill Lily and James. 

He also didn’t take the opportunity to set the record straight, meaning he was not in the running to raise Harry anyway. We know from canon that wizards skilled in Occlumency can fight Veritaserum and that’s why it’s not admissible in court as some kind of flawless truth-serum. But that detail doesn’t really have any bearing on Sirius’ situation because we don’t know if he knew Occlumency or not (though probably not, or else Dumbledore would have just had him teach Harry in year 5. remember, Occlumency is not a common skill that everyone and their mom knows how to do). 

I won’t get into the other canon gray area of “did-Sirius-have-a-trial-or-was-he-carted-straight-to-Azkaban” (though unlike other fans, I firmly believe that just because we didn’t see a trial doesn’t mean there wasn’t one; Dumbledore did say “[he himself] gave evidence to the Ministry that Sirius was the Potters’ Secret-Keeper”, and it seems rather far-fetched to assume he gave this evidence outside of a trial. Granted, I do not doubt it was a kangaroo court fueled by the rage of public opinion and that Sirius hardly had a lawyer or any chance to defend himself, even if he’d had the inclination). 

But the points stand:

Sirius’ decisions that November night sent him to Azkaban, meaning he was legally out of the running to raise Harry. So any co-parenting or godfather visits he might have set up in canon are dust in the wind. (Legal experts can correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure certain crimes disqualify you from having guardianship over kids.) 

Remus is a werewolf, and thus discriminated against by the Ministry similarly to Hagrid (also as mentioned above). But since his whereabouts and any other canon reasoning for noninvolvement in 1981 are unknown, James’ friends are now disqualified to raise Harry. 

We don’t know if Lily had any other close friends besides the one she’d already fallen out with (no, I regret to inform some of you that no adult female HP character was legally or otherwise declared Harry’s ‘godmother’. That’s also fanon. You’re welcome to keep using it of course, I’m not your mom, but it’s not canon or canon-supported, so please don’t treat it as such in meta arguments). 

This means that the Dursleys are the only ones left who have any sort of legal claim to Harry. Yes, we the readers know the Dursleys suck in-universe and shouldn’t have had legal guardianship of a shoe, let alone two children; but on the surface, to the oblivious observer (which is 99% of Harry’s contacts), with Sirius in absentia, the last Potter was going to be placed with his next-of-kin relatives just as anyone in the real world with no written directive would be.

The obvious sub-argument implied in the ‘why would anyone put Harry with the Dursleys’ main argument is usually “what right does DUMBLEDORE have to put Harry with the Dursleys” etc. etc. This is where narrative purpose comes in. No, no one (least of all That Woman when she was writing this) expects you to read Harry Potter and think that every single government official or headmaster has the right to just pluck orphan children out of the ruins of their dead parents’ houses and place them with whomever they see fit. But it fit the story for Albus Dumbledore, most powerful ‘good’ wizard and the only person knowledgeable and powerful enough to activate the bond of blood protection, to be the one to take responsibility for Harry’s present and future safety from Voldemort, especially once Sirius so spectacularly disqualified himself.

And again: in November 1981 canon, there is no one else left. Remus fucks off to parts unknown, Peter is considered dead, and both James and Lily’s parents predeceased them. The Weasleys don’t know the Potters that well and already have six children (maybe seven? had Ginny been born by then? hell if I know). Most other ‘good’ aligned families don’t know the Potters that well either, and they are also too busy celebrating Voldemort’s downfall to do anything more than toast to the orphan involved in it. Like it or not, Dumbledore (well, and Slughorn and Snape) are the only ones who have any inkling that Voldemort will be coming back, and Dumbledore is the only one who comes up with a plan to at least thwart Voldemort just directly knocking on the Dursleys’ door and taking Harry off to one of his murder locations.

Third, and Finally!

‘Despite being aware of the criminal abuse Harry had suffered while living with the Dursley family through a contact, Arabella Figg, he did not step in to prevent the abuse Harry suffered as a child,’ etc.: yeah, no. Just no.

The following are the only two very vaguely-written lines (why does That Woman love vague lines so much) from Albus Dumbledore about Harry’s life at the Dursleys, from Order of the Phoenix:

Harry glared at him for a moment, then flung himself back into the chair opposite Dumbledore and waited. Dumbledore stared for a moment at the sunlit grounds outside the window, then looked back at Harry and said, “Five years ago you arrived at Hogwarts, Harry, safe and whole, as I had planned and intended. Well — not quite whole. You had suffered. I knew you would when I left you on your aunt and uncle’s doorstep. I knew I was condemning you to ten dark and difficult years.”

Dumbledore bashers love this line. I daresay they salivate over it. It certainly makes Albus look like a dick, I’ll give them that—but let’s break it down a bit, shall we?

“Five years ago you arrived... safe and whole, as I had planned and intended.”

The ‘as I had planned and intended’ is important here, because the (il)logical conclusion many bashers and antis jump to is that Dumbledore deliberately left Harry somewhere to be abused. This line refutes that conclusion. Dumbledore may not have imagined Harry to be some perfectly bubbly boy in the Muggle world, but even in his coldest plans, the plans he made before actually meeting Harry and becoming emotionally attached, he intended for Harry to arrive at Hogwarts ‘safe and whole’. It’s safe to assume this means physically, mentally, psychologically, etc.

Next part: the big part.

“Well—not quite whole. You had suffered. I knew you would when I left you on your aunt and uncle’s doorstep. I knew I was condemning you to ten dark and difficult years.”

Doesn’t sound so great, yep. Except. What does he mean EXACTLY by 'ten dark and difficult years’? We are never told. He does not clarify, here or elsewhere. He does not say, “I knew the Dursleys would abuse you. I knew they would hit you/starve you/be unkind to you and did nothing”.

This is the conclusion many people choose to draw because as the readers they know what happens to Harry; in fact, they know even more than the characters Harry is living his life with since he doesn’t seriously fucking tell anyone how the Dursleys treat him. But we also know despite all the fanon uproar about this line that Dumbledore did not know all the minutiae of Harry’s life at the Dursleys, and we know this because of a line from OotP (up first) and another line from Half-Blood Prince (up later):

“Five years ago, then,” continued Dumbledore, as though he had not paused in his story, “you arrived at Hogwarts, neither as happy nor as well nourished as I would have liked, perhaps, yet alive and healthy. You were not a pampered little prince, but as normal a boy as I could have hoped under the circumstances. Thus far, my plan was working well...”

If we are going to analyze Dumbledore’s ‘dark and difficult years’ line, we must also analyze equally all the other lines he says around it. This is one of the most candid conversations Albus Dumbledore has with Harry in the entire series. In this conversation in Chapter 37 of OotP, he reveals (implicitly) that his ‘plan’ was to tell Harry the prophecy early on, for reasons he doesn’t elaborate on. And in this conversation, he states, twice, that at minimum he intended for Harry to return to the wizarding world ‘safe and whole’, or ‘alive and healthy’. I am sure his definition of those words matches the readers’.

We should also note here that Dumbledore says “neither as happy nor as well-nourished as I would have liked”, and “as normal a boy as I could have hoped under the circumstances”. Meaning, again, that Dumbledore’s intent in leaving Harry with the Dursleys was not only to protect him, but also to perhaps give him a happy, normal life away from the magical world, protected from Voldemort and his most unhinged followers, until he was old enough to rejoin the world he belonged in. 

Depending on how much he’d gotten over his old ideas about Muggles, it could even be theorized that to Dumbledore ‘dark and difficult years’ referred simply to the time Harry would be exiled from the wizarding world, unable to return or interact until he could start learning magic (supported by the fact that even ‘good’ people like Mr. Weasley and Minerva McGonagall don’t have an entirely unbiased view of Muggles, or living without magic). This might be torturous if Harry knew his true origins growing up—which we know Dumbledore intended because 1) Dumbledore mentions to McGonagall in Chapter 1 that he doesn’t think it’s sensible for Harry to grow up knowing he’s famous (“...for something he can’t even remember!”), not that he doesn’t think it’s sensible for Harry to know about magic at all; and 2) his messenger, Hagrid, is shocked and angry that Harry doesn’t even know he’s a wizard. 

Before my words/theories are misinterpreted: I’m not saying Albus was totally naïve to the Dursleys’ treatment of Harry here. The way this line from Chapter 37 is phrased implies that once Harry arrived at Hogwarts, Albus was able to see for himself that Petunia had not taken his request in his letter to heart. And given how skinny and underfed Harry probably looked at eleven, even if he probably wasn’t saying shit about the Dursleys to anyone at this point, it’s a logical conclusion.

But before that point we have no idea how much or what specifically Albus knew about Harry’s life with his relatives. Bashers use the same argument above that’s marring the Wiki: that Arabella Figg kept Dumbledore informed on every little thing that happened in the Dursleys’ home, thus he knew about the full extent of Harry’s mistreatment and actively did not intervene, making him complicit. Except: we don’t know that either. Cue second quote from just after Mrs. Figg reveals herself to Harry:

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re a Squib?” Harry asked Mrs. Figg, panting with the effort to keep walking. “All those times I came round your house — why didn’t you say anything?” 

“Dumbledore’s orders. I was to keep an eye on you but not say anything, you were too young. I’m sorry I gave you such a miserable time, but the Dursleys would never have let you come if they’d thought you enjoyed it. It wasn’t easy, you know. . . .”

“I was to keep an eye on you but not say anything.” This bit of text, similarly vague (say anything to Harry about what exactly? and not say anything when? before Harry learned about the magical world? after?), is contradictory to Hagrid’s own expectations that Harry would know about magic, if indeed that’s what Arabella means. But she also implicates herself here: she too made sure part of Harry’s existence was at minimum mind-numbingly boring. Harry never recounts any instances of abuse from her, but nor does he imply that he ever told her the whole truth about his personal life. 

It’s clear she’s a good enough judge of character to tell that the Dursleys did not want Harry to have things he enjoyed (and draw conclusions from there), and it’s likely she passed that information on to Dumbledore. But when? And to what extent did she emphasize the second-class citizen status she observed from Harry? And even if she had, who’s to say that Dumbledore, Fudge, or anyone would have done anything about it?

(This, by the way, is the kind of plot hole/vague, non-explained thing fandom should grapple with in fanworks in my not-so-humble opinion. I can understand why no one wants to wrestle with the idea that a child being unhappy at home but not visibly mistreated would not be whisked away to happier, safer environs, because for many people that is their real story. Or maybe just because it’s hard to accept that under all the magic and adventure, Harry’s story is a story about adults fucking up in so many ways that he eventually has to rescue himself by murdering an old serial killer.)

Frankly, there are not enough fanworks that explore the possibilities of a Dumbledore who was not aware of the exact details of Dursleys’ mistreatment, a Figg who told him, and the moral grappling/potential spell retooling that might follow. Or, on the darker side, the possibilities of a Dumbledore who was still a good man, but had to make an ugly, shitty decision and live with how ugly and shitty it likely made him feel. Instead the default is to pivot to it all being “AN EVUL PLAN” by the mastermind who knew everything but also somehow not enough to stop the various plots that happen during the books.

Long past time for the aforementioned HBP quote, the one that (while it still doesn’t specify precisely what Dumbledore knew and when he knew it) is the most specific the entire series gets about Harry’s abuse:

"Now, as you already know, the wizard called Lord Voldemort has returned to this country. The wizarding community is currently in a state of open warfare. Harry, whom Lord Voldemort has already attempted to kill on a number of occasions, is in even greater danger now than the day when I left him upon your doorstep fifteen years ago, with a letter explaining about his parents' murder and expressing the hope that you would care for him as though he were your own."

Dumbledore paused, and although his voice remained light and calm, and he gave no obvious sign of anger, Harry felt a kind of chill emanating from him and noticed that the Dursleys drew very slightly closer together.

"You did not do as I asked. You have never treated Harry as a son. He has known nothing but neglect and often cruelty at your hands. The best that can be said is that he has at least escaped the appalling damage you have inflicted upon the unfortunate boy sitting between you."

This, along with a few more following sentences in chapter 3, is Dumbledore’s canon criticism against the Dursleys. Here is another instance where Dumbledore explicitly states that his desire was for the Dursleys to treat Harry as a beloved member of their family; he has now said the same thing twice before witnesses. And this critique notably comes following the close of several months of Harry’s Occlumency lessons with Snape, who (as a teacher) may have actually done one positive thing and acted as a mandated reporter for whatever atrocities he saw in Harry’s mind. 

Note: this is just a theory. Nothing in canon specifically states that Snape shared any of what he saw in Harry’s mind. I have no proof that Dumbledore’s conversation with the Dursleys was spurred by any alleged reporting by Severus, but I think that this combined with the fact that Alastor Moody, Arthur Weasley and Remus Lupin (three people who Harry definitely did not confide in about the Dursleys) all team together to threaten the Dursleys at the end of OotP of Harry’s lessons with Snape means that some information that was previously unknown made its way around the ranks, and all the way up to the top.

But ‘just a theory’ or not, it’s far more likely based on timing that Severus said something than Arabella. Dumbledore himself is a candidate too, except... if he knew the extent from the start, why keep it to himself and only share it fifteen years later with the aforementioned trio of Moody, Arthur and Lupin?

As for the “criminal abuse” phrase: let’s not leave any doubt in any mind that what Petunia and Vernon did to Harry was criminal. It makes them criminals. The implication in how this is written on the Wiki though is that the two of them were beating him raw and Dumbledore strolled by, peeked in the window, and muttered “b-but Voldemort” and kept it moving. That’s not the case for all the reasons listed above. 

Additionally, and unfortunately, we don’t know the full details of all the abuse Harry suffered. Physically, we know that Petunia swung a frying pan at Harry in second year. We know that Vernon was quick to grab Harry, even hit his own eleven-year-old son when he tired of listening to him, and strangled Harry so effectively that either Harry’s blood protection or his own accidental magic kicked in to stop the asshole. We have those two concrete examples, and (though I hate to say it) these are what many in the fandom hyperfocus on. Whatever they might say to the contrary, there are an unbelievable amount of stories which inflate or overexaggerate the amount of physical damage Harry obtained, because they consider that more concrete or more ‘valid’ to write about than the more insidious, unseen types of abuse. 

There are far fewer stories exploring and deconstructing the lion’s share of the abuse Harry received: the neglect and cruelty that Dumbledore mentions. The deliberate erasure of his presence within the house, whether that was through the lack of pictures with him in them or through the Dursleys expecting Harry to shrink himself when they had company, such as in Chamber of Secrets. And worst of all, on top of all of this: the enduring fact that Petunia still had the nerve to offer Harry space in the house for his protection, even as she and her family worked to make that space as cramped and unwelcoming as possible.

This is a fandom flaw: as long as there are fans quick to invent depraved acts for the Dursleys to perform rather than sitting with exactly what they have done and acknowledging it as ‘more than shitty enough’, we will as a whole still be plagued with stories that unbalance the amount of blame the adults in Harry’s life can claim over his circumstances.

So. We need a TL;DR. What have we learned here?

Lily and James had no other remaining relatives who could have taken Harry and thus (on Lily’s side since James’ wouldn’t matter) also upheld the upcoming bond of blood protection.

Lily and James named Sirius Harry’s godfather, and there was an understanding between all three that Sirius would care for Harry if his parents predeceased him.

Specifically, there was no written or referenced will ever mentioned in canon that qualified Sirius or disqualified Petunia Dursley from Harry’s guardianship.

The specific nature of Lily’s sacrifice gave Dumbledore a method he could use to protect Harry in his most vulnerable years, a method that required Lily’s only living relative; and he acted on his knowledge as soon as possible.

Concurrently, Sirius went to stake his claim to Harry, but (for whatever reasons) did not persist with Hagrid until Harry was in his care. He trusted that Dumbledore would look after his godson. Instead, he went after Pettigrew and ended up framed, imprisoned, and out of the running to care for (or even interact with) Harry.

We don’t know if Sirius had a trial. We can assume that he may have since ‘evidence’ was given of his undeniable guilt, but we will never know for sure unless That Woman says one way or another. 

If he didn’t have a trial, though, that blame lies squarely at the feet of Barty Crouch Sr., who we learn in Goblet of Fire was locking people up left and right after their speedy trials—not Dumbledore.

Besides legal racism reasons, Remus was unavailable to be Harry’s guardian for reasons unknown. (Is this info on Pottermore? someone tell me.)

Peter was... yeah.

Minister Bagnold of “I assert our inalienable right to party” fame was not thinking about baby Harry Potter’s well-being while she and her Ministry were celebrating Voldemort’s “downfall”.

Dumbledore was one of the few people thinking about Harry in the revelry that followed Voldemort’s disappearance, and with the chaotic events between Sirius and Pettigrew, he was also the last person left who could place Harry anywhere. He placed Harry with the Dursleys, trusting that they would treat him like a second son and care for him until Hogwarts could welcome him home.

McGonagall’s resistance to leaving Harry with the Dursleys in book 1 was not due to some sixth sense she had about how they would treat him: her specific concerns were that Vernon was a prick and baby Dudley was clearly overly spoiled. If anything she was more concerned about Harry’s moral fiber being compromised, not his safety.

From 1981 - 1991, the Dursleys emotionally and psychologically abused Harry, keeping the truth of his origins and nature from him while subsequently punishing him for those truths. 

Outside of dark jokes to his friends about their mutual dislike in the early years and one explicit confession to Dumbledore that Petunia “doesn’t give a damn [about him]” in Order of the Phoenix, Harry is not candid about his experiences.

Specific details of the Dursleys’ abuse outside of explicit book descriptions are unknown; when and how much each of the major adults in Harry’s life (Albus, Sirius, Remus, Arabella, Arthur, and Severus) know about his shitty situation is also unknown, though there are enough confusing half-references and retaliation scenes to make any reader’s head spin.

Any fanon attempts to color in the lines between what’s said and unsaid, what’s known and not known, are just that: fanon. They are just as divorced from canon as the concept of ladies’ man!Sirius or Slytherin Lord!Harry. I’m emphasizing the following again because I know some people will dismiss me and my post as a sermon from the fun police: There is nothing wrong with creativity in fanon by any means. The problem comes when invented information and (both friendly and malicious) personal headcanons are treated as canon and affect the canon accordingly.

So I’d really appreciate it if someone with the power to edit the HP Wiki deleted everything from the erroneous sentences starting with “It was Dumbledore who planned...” and ending with “...bullying cousin Dudley.” Those lines weren’t on Albus’ wiki originally anyway, so it won’t hurt to consign them back to the void—especially since there are plenty of other flaws and conflicts in Harry and Albus’ relationship that can be (and are) addressed there instead. 

After all, Sirius’ wiki article is flattering and (mostly) canon-accurate without discounting his flaws and how they affect his cut-short relationship with Harry. If we can keep the bias out of Sirius’ account, surely we can do the same for Albus’.

[impishtubist]

I just find so funny you hatred for remus, i want to know, in a serious way, do you really hate him that bad or is just you like, messing around and you actually veeeeeeery deep in you you’re fond of him? i want to know. (also, just for the sake of having a fun argument, sirius did kinda worse things that remus and remus not trusting him was valid of him, like, the prank or Sirius thinking first remus was the traitor 👀) don’t think i’m serious with this arguments, i love sirius with my life pls don’t kill me 🥲

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm who can say, Anon, who can say ���‍♂️

[ellecdc]

HIII, I wanted to know if I could request a poly marauders x festy slytherin reader.Something of how they started or whatever you have inspiration for.I would love another part of that, if you feel up to it. Hope you are taking care of yourself <3

feisty/slytherin reader x poly!marauders is actually my favourite thing to write (followed closely by any ship with whimsical reader) so I was more than happy to whip this up for you! Thanks for requesting! 🫶

poly!marauders x feisty, fem, Slytherin!reader

CW: werewolf prejudice, making fun of possible birth defects due to Pureblood's being terribly inbred, swearing

Remus felt that generally, he was a very understanding person. And not just in a compassionate way, but also in a sense that he just understands a lot of things.

He understands Sirius’ need to defy his family whilst simultaneously looking after his brother as if his life depended on it.

He understands James’ need to make sure everyone around him feels as loved as humanly possible, even if it’s at his own expense. 

He understands that Gryffindor’s hate Slytherin’s, but he also understands that not all Slytherin’s are horrible, prejudiced racists.

He understands everyone makes fun of Hufflepuffs for being soft and emotional, but he also understands that Hufflepuffs can be some of the most heartless, ruthless friends you can have.

What Remus has had a hard time understanding, however, was his boyfriends’ sudden interest in you.

Remus could admit that you were quite attractive, but you were also sort of…terrifying?

“What have you boys done?” Lily murmured in quiet horror (quiet awe if you asked James).

“We pranked Slytherin!” Sirius said jovially, as if Lily had somehow missed that key piece of information. 

“I can see that, Sirius.” She said like one might speak to a small child who was quite dumb. “But on portrait day?”

Sirius smiled smugly as he watched Slytherin’s enter the Great Hall for their school portraits. As they passed through the door, they were unknowingly walking under a charmed mistletoe (which was very difficult to find this time of year, thanks James very much) which turned their green and silver robes and ties to a beautiful red and gold. 

The best part is some students still hadn’t noticed yet, and another amazing part was that those who had noticed couldn’t figure out how to turn it back.

“Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, and Mr. Lupin. I suppose the four of you have no idea who may be behind this prank?” Professor McGonagall challenged as she looked down her nose at them sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Sirius smirked as he responded “Why, not a clue Minnie. But I’ll keep my eye out and let you know if I see any mischief makers.”

McGonagall let out a long suffering sigh as she took five points from Gryffindor for improper address of a professor. 

“You rotten dugbogs.” Remus heard you screech before he saw you. He had the good sense to cringe as you stormed up to their table whilst Sirius and James grinned enthusiastically. 

“Why hello Y/N, my beautiful angel.” James greeted as Sirius let out a sultry “Don’t you just look smashing in red.” Accompanied by a wink.

“I don’t know what you sods have done, and quite frankly, I don’t care about the rest of them; but you will fix this.” You spat angrily gesturing to your faux Gryffindor uniform.

“But that would be such a crime, dollface.” Sirius lamented.

“You can’t expect us to mess with perfection.” James added.

You shot your hand out and grabbed James’ collar, pulling his face to yours until your noses were nearly touching. 

“I swear to Salazar himself, Potter, if you do not change my robes back, I will cut your dick off and charm it to your forehead so you walk around looking like a limp-dick unicorn. Change. It. Back.”

Your voice was low and threatening, and Peter actually gulped as he hid behind Remus. But looking at James’ face pressed up to yours, you would have thought you had just serenaded him with the greatest love song known to man.

“You have such beautiful eyes.” He murmured in awe. Remus was certain he could see steam forming behind said beautiful eyes, but before it could shoot out of your ears, Sirius came to your rescue.

“Very right, Prongs. She does have beautiful eyes. Unfortunately, I believe her usual green does compliment them better than the red.” Sirius said lasciviously as he cast the counter charm to return your robes to their rightful colour.

You looked down at your form before looking back at the boys skeptically. You seemed only then to realize you were still holding onto James’ collar like a vice and dropped it. Remus almost chuckled at the look of loss that crossed James’ face.

“Right.” You said and cleared your throat, backing away from them as if you weren't fully trusting what just happened. “Thank you.”

Sirius’ head actually reared back in surprise at your thanks and James beamed.

“Anytime angel, truly.” 

James’ pet name seemed to snap you out of whatever trance you’d been in as you narrowed your eyes at him. “Don’t call me that.”

“Terribly sorry, my love.” He relented.

You groaned in exasperation and carried on towards the Slytherin table.

“Isn’t she lovely?” James whispered in awe, eyes still glued to your form as you bodily shoved Evan Rosier out of what Remus could only assume you had dubbed as your seat at the Slytherin table and sat down. 

“Try bloody terrifying.” Peter shivered in horror as he finally extricated himself from behind Remus. 

“Oi! Don’t talk about our future missus that way, Wormy.” Sirius squawked and swatted at the poor sod with his copy of the Daily Prophet.

“Is he wrong, though?” Remus asked as he let out his own breath of relief.

“Don ‘t worry moons,” James murmured into Remus’ cheek as he pressed his nose into the werewolf’s hair line. “She’ll win you over soon.”

Remus wasn’t so sure.

You were the only Slytherin photographed in proper uniform that day. 

A few weeks later found Remus sitting horrifyingly uncomfortable in Defense Against the Dark Arts as they moved on to the unit featuring Werewolves.

James sat on his right, and though the shaking of his knee under the table gave away his nerves, he spent the entire class rubbing soothing circles along the back of Remus’ hand with his thumb.

Sirius, sitting on Remus’ left, was incredibly stiff and clearly poised to fight if given the chance which did nothing to ease Remus’ discomfort. It also didn’t help that they shared this period with the 6th and 7th year Slytherin’s.

He just wanted this day to be over.

“Why are we even talking about this?” Mulciber sneered, interrupting the professor as they discussed elements of the Wolfsbane potion. 

“What is your question, Mr. Mulciber?” The professor drawled out in a bored tone.

“Why bother discussing werewolves? The lot of them should be culled anyway; euthanize them on site for all I care.” He spat, earning snickers from Avery, Goyle, and Snape. 

Sirius sucked in a breath in preparation of a verbal (and possibly physical, should he be so lucky) spar when Remus dug his nails into Sirius’ thigh. “Please, Pads.” He begged quietly; voice taught with emotions.

Sirius let out a pained sigh and leaned back further into his chair.

“Funny, Mulciber.” A bored tone commented, “I was just thinking the same about you and your lot.”

Remus, James, and Sirius all turned to see the majority of the eyes in the room already on you, though you never bothered lifting your head from your textbook.

“Care to repeat that, L/N?” Mulciber sneered, sitting up in his chair as if ready to lunge at you if necessary.

You lifted your bored gaze from your book and stared at him head on. “Do I need to repeat myself, Mulciber? Mummy and daddy kept it too close in the family tree, huh?” You murmured in faux sympathy. “I was just thinking, most of the Sacred Twenty-Eight ought to be culled. That would save the wizarding world a whole lot of trouble.”

“How dare you compare me to some filthy half-breed. My family is royalty compared to those disgusting creatures.” Avery shouted.

“The only one acting like a disgusting creature here is the likes of you tossers.” You shouted back.

“Alright.” The professor tried (not very hard, albeit) to quell the quickly spiralling discussion.

“I could hardly look at myself in a mirror if I’d been tainted with a curse like lycanthropy.” Snape sneered, pointedly facing the Marauders across the room. Sirius burned with shame and protectiveness, being the reason Snape knew Remus’ secret and the overwhelming need to defend his lover. Remus took that moment to dig his nails into Sirius' thigh again, pinning him to his seat.

“Are you sure, Snape? Are you sure you wouldn’t rather live a life with lycanthropy than have to look at that mug of yours in the mirror every day.” You drawled.

“You insolent little bitch.”

“Hey!” James finally shouted from across the room, far more stern than Remus can ever remember seeing the boy. But you carried on, completely undeterred. 

“I’d bet ten thousand galleons that not one werewolf ever asked to be a werewolf, yet you wake up each and every morning actively choosing to be the ugliest, most hateful, vile, disgusting beasts known to mankind. That is what is despicable. That is what should be euthanized on site.” Your voice grew louder and louder with each word until you were standing behind your desk and punctuating each word with a slam of your fist against the table in front of you. 

“Alright, that’s enough.” The professor finally called; tone booming across the lecture hall intoning no nonsense. 

“Mr. Mulciber, Mr. Snape, and Miss. L/N. Detention with me this evening.”

The Slytherin boys all scoffed and cursed under their breath whilst you offered a bored shrug of your shoulders, returning to your textbook as though this was just a run of the mill day for you.

The boys had been absolutely right; you just won over the affections of one Remus John Lupin.  

[moonstruckme]

i am so BUMMED when i realized ive read all of your polymarauders works. can i get more of them please? especially the one like the 'casual dominance' fic omgg. that one made me feel THINGS. btw!!! congrats on reaching the 1k mark. totally deserved <33

-🥀

Wow babe, that's a lot! I'm really glad you're enjoying them! I know I've written a few since you sent this in, but I decided to treat this as a request for specifically casual dom!marauders because I'm weak for them too :*

poly!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.1k words

Your teeth chatter as you step out of the fastest shower of your life, barely drying yourself off before starting on your makeup. You’re so dumb. You’re so, so dumb. Of course it’d be the night before your presentation that you’d accidentally set your alarm for PM instead of AM. How many times had you stirred, thought about getting up, and decided to wait until your alarm went off? It had only been when you’d woken to an empty bed, sunlight coming in through the window, that you’d realized. 

You’re still running on the adrenaline of that waking jolt, now mixed with the extra edginess from your frigid shower since you couldn’t afford to wait for the water to warm. You probably won’t be late, but you’re definitely going to be late by pre-presentation standards. You’d planned to get there a half hour in advance to set up and mentally prepare. Now you’re going to have ten minutes at best, and that’s only if you can get out the door in the next few. You finish with your makeup—your hair’s just going to have to dry on the way—and turn to where you’d hung your pre-selected and Sirius-vetted presentation outfit the night before. The hangers sit empty. 

You go into the bedroom, hoping one of the boys had laid them out on the bed while you’d been in the shower. Nothing. Just your socks and shoes where you’d left them by the bedroom door. 

“Shit,” you mutter to yourself, pulling the socks on because you can do that, at least. “Shit shit shit!” 

You take off down the stairs, relieved to see Sirius on his way up. “Hey! Do you know where—” your foot hits too close to the edge of one step, slipping down to the next. It seems inclined to keep going, but Sirius’ hands catch you around the waist. 

“Jesus, baby.” He looks down at your feet as you get them under you again, eyebrows drawn together. “Running down the stairs is already a punishable offense, but with socks on?” 

“Do you know where my presentation outfit went?” you ask in a rush. 

Sirius blinks. “No. It’s not where you left it?” You shake your head and decide this conversation is no longer a productive use of your time, moving past him. “Don’t run,” he says after you, and you slow to a slight hustle down the remaining steps. 

You practically skid into the kitchen, where Remus is just about to sit down at the table with his cup of coffee and James is running the blender. You raise your voice to be heard over it. “Do either of you know where my presentation outfit went?” 

James stops the blender. “Morning to you too, sweetheart. Everything okay?” 

You feel like you could burst into tears, but that would just waste more time. Why is no one cooperating with your need for efficiency?

“I’m going to be late!” you stress to James, turning around to survey the kitchen, the living room, like they’ll just be hanging in some random corner where you somehow forgot them. “I need my clothes, have you seen them?”

“Dove.” Remus takes you by the shoulders. “Breathe. You’ve got time.” 

You exhale, trying not to twitch as your skin crawls with urgency, or to lecture him on how little time you actually have. Remus watches you patiently. His hands slide up to either side of your face once you no longer seem like a flight risk, thumb stroking your cheek. 

“Your outfit’s in the dryer,” he says in a soothing voice, still holding you as if to keep you from running off. “I was warming it up while you were in the shower.” 

Your next inhale scrapes on the way in, a grateful pressure building behind your eyes. “Rem, that’s so sweet,” you say. “Thank you.” 

Remus gives you a smile and a little shrug, more casual than the faint pinkness of his cheeks would suggest. He lets his hands skim back down your neck, giving your upper arms a light squeeze. “Why don’t you let it finish running while you have your breakfast, yeah? That way there’s no risk of spilling on it.” 

You shake your head, aware this won’t go over well but too anxious to worry much about it. “I don’t have time for breakfast,” you tell him. “I need to catch the bus in, like—” Your eyes search for a moment before landing on the microwave clock. “—five minutes.” 

“I’ll drive you,” Sirius says, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt as he comes back downstairs.

You glance at the microwave clock again in case you read it wrong the first time. “You can’t,” you say. “You’ll be late.” 

Sirius shrugs. “I don’t have a presentation. They’ll deal with it.” 

You look to Remus, expecting him to object to Sirius’ proposed tardiness, but he only nods, sitting down with his coffee. 

“Are…are you sure?” you ask Sirius, trying to adjust to the sudden non-urgency of your situation. 

“It’s no problem,” he promises you. “Stop looking so upset, honey, just eat your breakfast.” 

“Drink your breakfast, is more like it,” James says proudly, coming in from the kitchen to pass you a glass of whatever he’d been concocting in the blender. It’s a murky brown-green, and you try not to wrinkle your nose for James’ sake. 

“Thanks.” You take it from him tentatively. “It’s…it’s a smoothie?” 

James laughs at your expression, and you think you hear Remus snort into his coffee. “Yes, it’s a smoothie. The color’s because of the chocolate protein powder and the spinach, but it’s got fruit, too, don’t worry.” 

You swirl the glass a bit, assessing the color. “Why so much spinach?”

James sets a hand on your shoulder, encouraging you into your chair as he joins the three of you at the table with a smoothie of his own. “Iron, sweetheart.” He casts a pointed glance at your legs, spotted here and there with purple-and-yellow blotches of skin. “Seems like need it. You’re bruising like a peach lately.” 

Remus hums in agreement as you take a tentative sip of the smoothie. It’s not bad, though you can feel little bits of spinach sticking to your teeth. You make a mental note to have Sirius check your smile before you get out of the car later.

“And I saw that look in your eyes when you stood up too quick from the couch yesterday,” Remus says, quirking an eyebrow when you look at him in surprise. “You’re not as subtle as you think, dove.” 

You bring the glass to your lips again to avoid making a response. Sirius laughs, and when you smile sheepishly, his grin turns goofy. “Hold it there,” he says, taking your jaw in hand. You keep your smile in place as his eyes narrow. “Front tooth on the left. My left.” You lick at the piece of spinach, and he nods, dropping his hand. 

“Knew I could count on you,” you tell him. “Thanks, Siri.” 

Sirius pecks you on the cheek. “S’what I’m here for, gorgeous.”

[luveline]

Babe congrats on quitting!!!

I live coworker!James sm he is so lovely and i cant heló bit asking for more

R having a bad day and James doent know until he teeases her and she just like opens up to James a bit more?

thank you!!

You can’t escape Remus’ sweet questions of concern, though he’s tactful. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Remus asks, James a haunting somewhere near the customer complaints desk. 

“I’m fine.” 

“You really don’t wanna come to dinner with me?” 

It’s a nice offer, but Remus is part of a package deal, and he’s the only one of the three who isn’t exhausting; Remus’ boyfriend Sirius is well meaning but so beautiful and so alarmingly aware of it, while James is all those things too, but much less subtle about it. “I’m too tired for the walking, thank you. I’m just gonna stay here and eat my sandwich in slow bites.” 

Remus laughs, wrapping his scarf tight around his neck. He doesn’t tuck it under his coat. Sirius will do that for him. It’s heartbreaking to see every day, a reminder of real love in the world that will seemingly never touch you, but it’s cute too. 

James rockets back to his desk. He’s always in a hurry. Half-frantic, he pulls his rucksack from under his desk and unzips the main body. To your horror, he unveils a large Tupperware of white rice, asparagus, and what looks to be chicken thighs. Next comes his portable knife fork. 

He notices your watching. “It’s just rice and chicken,” he says defensively. 

“No, I’m not–” You shake your head. “Not about what you’re eating. Eat what you want, James.” 

“Don’t I always?” he asks. “Not about what I’m eating. Your general look of disgust and disdain is to do with something else, then. Did you accidentally look in the ladies bathroom mirror again?” 

“It’s nothing.” 

James tucks his chair in, face paused, hands hesitating at the sides of his dinner and then flat to the desk. “Hey, is something wrong?” 

Maybe his comment before struck a nerve. Maybe you’re having a terrible day, and everything’s piling up, and you can’t be expected to keep in your feelings forever. Or maybe you’re dumb. “Guess I did look too long in the mirror,” you say. 

“You’re upset?” he asks, startled.

You shake your head vehemently. Slow. “I’m just having a bad day.” 

“What happened?” 

You stare at him for a moment, take in the concerned twitch of his brows as they pull down and in, the set of his nice mouth, remarking to yourself on how the snarky sarcasm erases itself from his expression so quickly, leaving behind a boy with a very sweet face. 

His hand curls into a loose fist. “You don’t have to tell me.” 

“I don’t know if you ever get this, but sometimes I,” —your face goes white hot suddenly, an acknowledgment of the powers over you you’re giving him in needing reassurance— “look at myself and I feel a bit off. And I thought if I had lunch by myself I’d have time to not be looked at? Um. Which is why I was unhappy. Not because of you.” You frown at him. “You do make me unhappy, though.” 

He pretends to laugh at your weak insult, which is generous. “So you actually did get upset looking in the mirror? Shortcake, I was kidding about that, it's not like it makes any sense.” 

You frown at one another. “Why not?” 

“Because you’re nothing worth being upset over?” James suggests. “You’re pretty. You know you’re pretty.” He points at you with his fork. “You do know?” 

“No,” you mumble. 

“I’m not telling you again,” he says, looking strangely as though he’d quite like to tell you again. 

“I’m consistently below average.” 

“Where? Do you have an address? I must go to this place where you’re the standard.” 

Something weird and queasy summons to life in your chest, before levelling into a surprising pleasure. That was definitely a compliment, and from James, though annoying he might be, it means a lot. He’s outrageously good looking, after all, and especially when he smiles, which is nearly constant. He’s smiling now with the fondness of someone who knows you better than he actually does. 

He ruins it rolling his eyes. “You’re ridiculous. Which I’ve come to expect!” he says, sliding a thumb under the clasp of his Tupperware. “Why would you think you’re not lovely? To look at, that is. You’re a huge pain otherwise.” 

“That’s uncharacteristically mean, even for you.” 

“I’m balancing it out. Want some asparagus?” 

You excuse yourself for a quick trip to the bathroom, where you mouth questions at your reflection of the puzzled variety. Has James been replaced by a body snatcher? Or are you finally seeing the version of him everybody else in the office seems to know?

When you get back to your desk, your figurines have been upended by a ‘freak earthquake’. He’s back to normal.

[hotchoccieformoony]

What i would like actually is more Remus and James friendship. We get heaps of Sirius and James, lots of wolfstar, Remus and Lily but i am hungry for Remus and James friendship. And not like gay quippy sarcastic tumblr Remus and idiot himbo hunk James. I want teenage boy Remus and teenage boy James being besties in gryffindoor tower. I want chocolate frog eating contests (Remus wins, James pukes). I want prank planning (and not just Remus sarcastically looking on before swooping in to do all the hard magic). I want Remus having earnest FUN for fucks sake. I want inventing dumb games involving levitating objects around the common room. I want quality time without Sirius there. Remus and James were best friends too.

[cinnamontoastcrunch-15]

Today's @wolfstarmicrofic is a Roommate AU!

(872 words.)

James is slowly going mad.

No, not even slowly. He's fallen straight into madness, and he doesn't know how to save himself.

When Sirius asked if one of his course mates, Remus Lupin, could move in for a while, of course, he said yes. Remus had been going through something, and James is always happy to help. Not only that, but Remus is bloody brilliant. He went from being shy, fairly withdrawn, to a hilarious, witty person who James is happy to call his friend.

Sirius clearly doesn't just want to call Remus his friend.

James doesn't think he can watch the two of them practically undressing each other with their eyes at breakfast, accidentally reaching for the same thing and blushing like idiots while they apologise, or trying their hand at fucking awful flirting. It's getting painful, the clear fact that they've fallen for one another right in front of them, while they dance around it like they've never been certain of anything less in their lives.

To be perfectly honest, James is starting to wonder if he should just lock them both in a room and-

"S'fine, I don't care," Sirius' voice cuts through James' thought process as he steps out of his bedroom and into the kitchen. James looks up just in time to watch Remus following behind him hurriedly. So quickly that he almost walks directly into Sirius when he stops and turns around to face him. "I'm not carrying you through the project just because you forgot you had shit to do, though. You can do your part later."

"When have I not done my work, Sirius? Christ, at this point I thought you'd trust me. I already apologised for forgetting!"

"Mhm, and I've already said I don't care. Go have fun on your date, Remus," Sirius says back, just a hint of bitterness settling in his words. It really does sound like he cares.

Remus must be thinking the same thing, because he walks out without saying another word. Sirius immediately heads to the fridge, dropping his head against the door and letting his shoulders slump with a sigh.

"Oh, Sirius, you're a fucking idiot," Sirius groans to himself under his breath. James chuckles.

"Agreed."

"Jesus buggering Christ!" Sirius jumps a mile, practically falling into the counter as he whips his head around to face James. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Long enough to watch that trainwreck," James answers simply. For some reason, Sirius seems to decide that it's the perfect time to play dumb.

"What d'you mean? It's fine, Remus is just..."

"Going on a date," James fills in. "With someone who isn't you. Which, by the way, is really bloody stupid of him, so at least you've got that in common."

"No, that's not- I don't..."

All James needs to do is arch an eyebrow, and Sirius' shoulders slump.

"Okay, fine, yeah. I really like him."

"No, really?" James asks sarcastically. At Sirius' unamused look, he keeps talking. "Sirius, I'm not being funny, you should see the way he looks at you when you're not looking. Or even when you are, actually. I'm surprised you haven't seen it! You should have asked him out months ago."

"God, I've really fucked it up, haven't I?" Sirius groans, scrubbing a face over his hand. "I wanted to tell him ages ago, I swear! It's just, he-" Sirius drops down into the chair opposite James, eyes fixed on his hands. "He was going through a lot, and then I was asking him if he wanted to move in before I knew what I was saying! How am I meant to tell him anything when he's living in the same flat as me? That could go so wrong, James. I could literally ruin everything!"

Okay, James is at a loss for words. That's... a lot, and Sirius is clearly stressed out. He opts for reaching across the small table and squeezing Sirius' shoulder. Before he can say anything comforting, though, a rustle comes from the door. Someone's trying to get in, and if they have a key, they're really struggling to use it.

Sirius walks over to the door with a confused frown, pulling it open to find Remus, key held out and a stunned expression on his face. James watches the two of them hesitate in front of one another for a moment.

"Remus? What-?"

Before he can say another word, Remus expression fixes to one that James can only describe as determined, before he surges forward and connects his and Sirius' lips. Sirius staggers backwards for a moment, caught by Remus hands sliding around his waist as he reaches his own up to the nape of Remus' neck.

James doesn't know whether or not he should be averting his eyes. Thankfully, they decide that for him, Remus pulling away and starting to speak hurriedly.

"I got halfway down the street and realised that I was being so fucking stupid. I really like you, Sirius. I have for so long, and I guess I thought maybe a date would help me get over it but, God, all I wanted to do was come back here and see you, so..."

Okay, so they're both idiots.

Still, by the look on Sirius' face, he has a feeling that they're finally getting their act together.

[sourgreenlupin]

wolfstar fake relationship trope

i havent decided if i actually wanna write this out yet but here is a concept

(mention of handjobs but the word is literally all there is)

remus getting fed up with people joining his study groups just for the idea of being able to get with him, so he has sirius start showing up to sessions and pretending to be his boyfriend.

sirius like r e a l l y playing it up. like not just the hand holding or like arm around the shoulder, i mean he’s kissing remus at every opportunity. he’s sitting in his lap and kissing wherever he can before remus swats him off bc ‘Merlin we are in Public’.

and then its sirius pulling him behind bookshelves when people arent looking and pulling him into the most passionate kiss ever shared between ‘friends’. and then sirius is breathless and staring into remus’ eyes for a little too long every time.

and then sirius starts doing things even when people arent around.

‘its just practice remus, c’monnnnn’

and remus is confused. because why do they need to practice handjobs for this. but obviously he’s so down for that.

and then sirius starts sleeping in remus’ bed. and stealing remus’ clothes. and using pet names. and getting remus gifts. and leaving notes for remus whenever he has to leave before remus is up.

and the whole tone has shifted. remus may be dumb, but hes not stupid. somewhere along the line, the lines got blurred. and he stopped acting. and clearly sirius isnt acting.

and remus somehow ended up in a real relationship without ever talking about it.

and remus never gets the chance to bring it up because then he walks down to the common room and sirius is waiting with flowers and an unreasonable amount of chocolate.

and sirius gives a big long speech about ‘it started as an act. and then i realised i was more comfortable this way than i ever was as just friends, always too far apart and too scared to get closer. thank god for people trying to get into your pants or i wouldnt be here today doing this. ironic. but it stopped being fake for me a while ago, and i can tell it did for you. make it official ? for real this time.’

and remus almost smacks him for being so sweet but decides to just nod his head and smile fondly at his boyfriend.

[empress-simps]

James Potter Dating Sirius’ Younger Sister (Head Canons)

Note: These are just random stuff, it has been sitting in my notes app for a month or so? Enjoyy

Oh boy, you are in for a wild ride; just imagine all the chaos this would bring. Best believe you always have a stupid prank to worry about around the corner when your brother and boyfriend are pranksters.

You were a year younger than Sirius, being the middle child, and Regulus the youngest, it wasn’t surprising that you were kind of shunned by Walburga and Orion. You’re a girl, you cannot pass the Black family name onto your children, you were also not the heir. Luckily, big brother Sirius quickly took you under his wing and became the parent figure in your life.

You were sorted into Slytherin, along with Regulus much to your older brother’s dismay.

He threw a fucking fit and practically felt his soul leave his body the first time you told him. Sirius even went as far as tearing up and looking out the window, defeated. (And quite dramatically)

“You should’ve been a Gryffindor, Y/n! I don’t even know why the sorting hat put you in that evil house!” Sirius huffed, pouting.

“Regulus is also in the same house as me, brother.”

“Well it was quite obvious that he was meant to be a Slytherin, Regulus has a stick up his a-“

Although the Marauders mainly pranks the Slytherin students, you were an exception. How could Sirius prank his adorable little sister? You don’t deserve it! (also because James is a tad bit overprotective when it comes to you, Sirius just chalks it up as James being respectful to his younger sibling.)

“Siri, please don’t make Reggie suffer too much.” You plead to your older brother, puppy eyes activating as you heard their plans to set a nasty prank to slytherin students earlier. Sirius’ features soften, “Alright, I’ll talk to James. He’ll be the one to decide.” He pats your head, already formulating an apology for the prank he’s sure will not be cancelled.

James has been harboring feelings ever since he saw you on the train ride to Hogwarts with Sirius in his second year, so it was quite obvious what his opinion is on the matter.

Sirius randomly starts later that evening, “Prongs, Y/n was asking if you could exempt Regulus in our prank-“

“Oh don’t worry I’ll cancel it.”

Peter sputters “You’ll what?”

James looked at them “What? Let’s give them a day off.” Remus did a double take and actually sets his book down after placing his book mark. Yeah, that's how you know it's serious.

“We’ve been planning this for months-“

“Did I stutter, Wormtail?”

The hold you had on James though, seriously.

James Potter is whipped for Y/n Black.

You want some food that the house elves didn't prepare for dinner? Don't worry, James is on the case! He will run to the kitchens and bribe the house elves to make you some of your favorite dishes and what you're craving.

“What’s with the long face, princess?” Sirius asks, seeing you slump down next to him, looking quite defeated.

“Just some housemates, I couldn’t study well because of them.” You grumbled, pulling out your Herbology textbook and trying to focus.

Prongs frowned, snapping him out of his daydreams (which were probably about you.)

“Who?”

James want names.

Who dared interrupt his sweet girl’s (still not his girl though but we don’t talk about that) study session?!

Remus, being the observant sod he is, looks at Prongs, amusement swimming in his eyes as he takes in James’ angry and protective form.

Remus and Peter already has a hunch that Prongs fancy Padfoot’s little sister like… about a few months or so?

James doesn’t really even try to hide it, although it was one of the greatest unsolved mysteries on how Sirius still hasn’t figured it out.

“You reckon Padfoot’s just playing dumb? Even an oaf could see Prongs making heart eyes at Y/n.” Peter stated, snacking on some chocolate frogs as he sat on his bed.

Remus rolled his eyes, also sitting in his bed at their dorm room. The boys in conversation were in their quidditch practice. “He’s quite thick, I bet he wouldn’t even know until they started dating.”

“But Y/n’s innocent- doesn’t even know how lovesick James is.”

Peter was utterly wrong about that part.

You know that James likes you, although you try to ignore it, you can’t.

Because you like him back.

“Go out with me?”

You felt yourself blanch, hearing the familiar cheeky voice behind you.

You nearly broke your neck as you spun around to see James holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers while sporting a nervous smile.

“Does my brother know this?”

“Do you think I’d still be here alive when I tell him I’m utterly in love with his younger sister?”

Sirius almost busted a blood vessel when he found out.

Remus had to physically restrain him from lunging at James.

Yea sure, Sirius views James as his brother from another mother BUT BROTHER-IN-LAW?

“Bloody hell, Pads! Calm your balls down!” Remus grunts, back hugging the boy as he desperately tries to wriggle out of his mate’s grasp.

“No! Let me go, Moony! I just want to have a chat with Prongs!”

“Chat my ass! You were about to bloody knock the living daylights out of him earlier!”

It took a while for Sirius to wrap his head around how one of his brother-from-another-mother fancies his younger sibling.

He won’t lie, he felt betrayed by James for a short amount of time. He distanced himself (for a day, lol) but of course, he couldn’t stay mad at James.

Realistically speaking? James and Remus are the ones who are good enough to date you for Sirius.

“Do you love him?”

Sirius approached you one time in a random hallway. Youwere caught off guard with his question. You never saw your brother serious like that before.

“Sirius, what are you talking about?” You tried to feign innocence, but Sirius saw through that.

“James. I know he fancies you. Have you been shagging-“

You quickly clamped Sirius’ mouth with your hand, looking at your surroundings to check if anyone heard what he said.

“Salazar’s balls, brother! I still have my virtue!” You hissed, “Besides, I’m saving it for marriage.” You told him, making his tense shoulders relax.

“Atleast there’s something good that came out of those boring lectures Walburga taught us.”

“I am not a whore like you, brother.” You snickered, a playful smirk present on your face as Sirius slowly processed what you said.

“Why you little-“

It would take some adjustments for Sirius as he slowly takes in the fact that you and James started dating.

It doesnt help the fact that James always proclaims his undying love for you every chance he gets, which is every time.

Although, before he even asks you to be his girl, he talked to Sirius first, asking for his blessing.

Who is Sirius to deny his little sister and Prong’s happiness?

“I just love her so much…” James sighs dreamily, watching you from the Gryffindor table as you ate in silence beside Regulus, who was uncomfortable and tries to shield you from James’ looks (which he finds creepy).

Sirius can feel his eye twitch.

“Can you stop that Prongs? Just say that to her when you’re alone in a room.”

James frowned, “But you don’t allow us to be alone-“

“Exactly, Prongs. I don’t care if she’s your girlfriend—wife even. She’s my younger sister.”

James perked up, “So you’re alright with her being my wife?!”

Hogsmeade dates with James always.

“Honey, you don’t have to get me that necklace.”

He would buy you anything and everything you land your eyes upon more than 1.5 seconds.

He frowns, looking like a kicked puppy. “But you were staring at it!”

“It just crossed my line of vision-“

James certainly went back and secretly bought it for you.

No one can stop him when it comes to spoiling you.

Effie and Fleamont absolutely adores you.

“So, when is the wedding?” Effie smiled, looking at you and James expectantly

Cue Sirius choking in the background.

You blushed as James cleared his throat awkardly, a beet red blush already dusting his cheeks. “Mum…”

Effie blinks, acting innocent. “What? You guys are about to graduate from Hogwarts in… three months or so!”

Your family found out about the relationship.

Walburga’s stinging slap was marked on your cheek. “Have we taught you nothing, girl?!”

Regulus watched worriedly from the side, feeling helpless as Walburga continued to shout and curse at you.

“You good for nothing brat! I should’ve married you off ages ago! To think you’d turn out to be your older brother… Leave! And never come back as you will be no longer welcomed in the house of black!”

Regulus begged to take him with you.

Having nowhere else to go, you knocked on the door of the Potter Manor tiredly, holding your suitcase and Regulus looking around nervously.

Sirius was the one who answered the door.

“she hit you…” James muttered lowly, softly placing his warm hands on your cheek.

“It’s nothing, James.” You shrugged.

“We’ve suffered worse. I’m sure you’ve known that by now.” Regulus told him quietly, not looking up from his cup of warm tea before his eyes flickered to Sirius.

From that moment on, everything seemed to be better.

You’re happy to get out of the abusive household. Bringing Regulus with you, being reunited with your older brother, and hanging out with your boyfriend anytime you want.

Finally graduated from Hogwarts, James decided to pop the question.

“Padfoot..? You in there?” James nervously knocked on Sirius’ bedroom door.

“In here, Prongs! Hold on.” James heard shuffling before the door opened to reveal Sirius rubbing his eyes, seemingly woken up from a nap. He opened the door to let James in his room.

Sirius eyes him, noticing how fidgety one of his best friends are, his mind assumed the worst.

“I swear to Merlin, Prongs. If you got her pregnant and don’t plan to be responsible for it I’ll-“

James sputters, “What?! No! No one’s having a baby!”

Sirius visibly relaxed, “Then what’s gotten you looking so troubled?”

James pulls out a velvet box from his pocket and opened it to reveal an engagement ring.

“Erm… I’m not Y/n, Prongs.”

Cue a face palm from James, “I’m planning to marry your sister, not you, Pads. I’m asking for your blessing.”

Sirius didn’t think twice before giving him his blessing.

Which was why he and Regulus were dragged alongside Remus and Peter to plan a prefect surprise proposal.

“No no, it’s a bit crooked on the right.” James told Regulus, who was setting up the picnic blanket.

“Sirius, remind me again why I have decided to help this stupidly nervous sod?” He deadpanned to his brother.

“It’s for Y/n, Reggie.”

Regulus frowns, scrunching up his nose as he watches James run around like a headless chicken who’s trying to oversee everything.

“Right…”

“Where’s the ring?!”

Regulus could only sigh as he watched James panicking and looking in every nook and cranny, searching for the velvet box with the ring inside— that was obvious in his back pocket, where he placed it five minutes ago.

[saintchaser]

list of things that the marauders fandom made up: a summary

the marauders naming themselves the marauders. there is no evidence for it, and on the map, it is written the marauder's map. the marauder is a synonym of some sorts to rascal, raider

james "fleamont" potter and sirius "orion" black. remus (john) is the only one who has a canon middle name, actually

on that note, lily's middle name. jean, jane, jolene. the only (canon) thing we know about it is that it starts with a j

the personalities of sirius black, james potter, peter pettigrew, remus lupin, lily evans, (characters that have been given little backstory), barty crouch, mary macdonald, (characters that have been mentioned once or twice or, on barty's case, given almost little to no backstory) marlene mckinnon, dorcas meadowes, regulus black, pandora lovegood (literally dead when the series started)

their relationships with each other and the ways that they interact (enemies to lovers dorlene, best friends to lovers marylily, the very exact dynamics between the marauders and other characters, even the dynamic between the black brothers)

grant chapman

all the other marauders era character ocs

almost all of the ships (besides jily and fralice): wolfstar, jegulus, jegulily, nobleflower, marylily, marylene, dorlene, dorlily, pandorcas, rosekiller the list goes on and on

the idea that the prank has been something dramatic that had put a strain on their relationship. sirius seems to be showing no remorse about it whatsoever, remus seems very unbothered

the fact that sirius had long hair before azkaban, too. (he canonically has short hair. moody, in the order picture, described him as "sirius, before he had long hair.")

remus' scars. they are, not once, mentioned or described in canon

remus being a casanova. once again, no canon evidence. the only one of them who seems to have been interesting to the hogwarts population was sirius, who seemed "uninterested"

james and sirius being "dumb". they're one of the only characters in the series, along with hermione granger and a few others, who are described as "exceptionally bright" and "exceptionally smart"

pretty much the whole lore

[jimblejamblewritings]

the fake date plot | part 7.

Summary: Gryffindors, seventh years, classmates, unrequited love. Just a few things Y/N and James Potter had in common. When a brilliantly dumb plan is hatched the two end up getting something a little different than what they wanted.

Warnings for the Series: oh, this is a slowburn now. Or at least that's the plan.

Pairing: James Potter x reader

Word Count: 2.4k

A/N: yeah I know I've been gone for a year... I have no words, my bad

Previous Part | (Series Chapter List)

You walked into James’ dorm on Wednesday afternoon, seeing only the other three marauders. They gave you cautious hellos as they watched you rifle through your boyfriend’s drawer. You lifted your head, looking at one of the other drawers. Maybe it was in the other one. James stepped out of the bathroom as you started digging through the second to last drawer in his writing desk. The steam from his shower rolled out into the dorm and made the room both hot and humid. 

“What are you looking for, bug?” 

“The bag of candy I gave you, I left my money pouch in it… I think, I hope so.” 

James, white towel still slung around his waist, moved to the top drawer of his writing desk. “I saw it last night but it was really late and then I got distracted with homework and practice. Here.” 

“Thank you…” you trailed off as you noticed a bead of water roll down James’ neck and continue down his body. 

“Distracted, love?” 

You looked up to see a stupid grin plastered on James’ face. The two of you had agreed that while everything was fake, shameless flirting was in fact allowed. A way for you to practice your skills. And clearly James was enjoying your reaction to the fullest. He wiggled his eyebrows making you roll your eyes. 

“Whatever, Potter.” 

“We’re on a last name basis now?” 

“Yes.” 

“Oh you wound me so, my darling.” He grabbed at his heart and pretended to stumble back. 

“You act like I’m in love with you.” 

“Y/N, you’re dating me.” 

You put your hand on his abs to shove him but James grabbed your hand, keeping it on his body. Sirius, Remus, and Peter exchanged looks. Remus, especially, was ready to set down his book and leave the room if you two needed some space. You let your hand linger for a moment longer before pushing off of James and taking your money pouch. Instead of leaving, you made yourself comfortable on his bed. 

“Dating you, James Potter, doesn’t mean I like you.” 

James leaned partially on his bed, mouth inches away from yours. “Bug, I don’t think you can date me if you don’t like me.” 

“Ah, ah.” You put your finger to his lip. “No kisses until you aren’t naked.” 

The laugh that came from James was light — a sound that his friends had never heard before. He got off of the bed to go find clothes like you asked, complaining the entire time that wearing a towel meant he wasn’t naked. The other marauders crept slowly to Remus’ bed. Sirius was so sure that you and James weren’t dating. He didn’t know why you two would lie about that but he was sure it was a lie. Now, he didn’t know. You might have still been a new friend to them but he was James’ brother. However, standing right in front of him, James looked so happy and genuine. 

Sirius watched as James put on only sweatpants before practically jumping on the bed and smothering you in kisses while you complained the entire time that not wearing a shirt or boxers still meant he was somewhat naked. Eventually James calmed down, thinking that going on for too long would look suspicious. 

You decided to stay for the night, getting up to go take a shower. James leaned over his bed to look for a spare shirt in his trunk, not wanting to get out of bed completely. He chuckled as you started your scream singing. For someone who could actually sing, he wasn’t sure why you chose to scream the songs when taking a shower. He closed his eyes for a moment of relaxation when one of the boys called his name. He looked back down to see it was Wormtail. The other three marauders beckoned him over. James wasn’t sure what they wanted but he had a feeling that he needed to turn his acting on. 

Remus was the first to breach the topic. “Y/N is a major part of our group now, we just want to make sure that you’re both okay.” 

“Why wouldn’t we be okay?” 

“I mean if you two break up th—” 

“We aren’t breaking up.” 

Peter sighed. “Mate, even if you like Y/N, you were in love with Lily for like seven years. I know it can’t be easy to just get over her. We don’t want Y/N or you to get hurt.” 

“I get it. But I would never hurt her. We’re together and I am committed to that.” 

“And your feelings for Lily?” 

“What do you want me to say to you guys? Yes, I still have some lingering feelings for Lily, of course. Y/N knows that and it’s going to take some time for them to go away but I really like her okay. My feelings for Lily get smaller by the week.” 

James had to stop the corners of his mouth from curling upwards. He had overheard them in the corridors when they thought he wasn’t around. Lily had tried to be casual when asking about the two of you. The rest of your friends had been trying to put all their situations with the two of you together and figure out if it was serious or not. James knew the boys were just snooping something to report back to Lily. 

“I know that Y/N and I aren’t serious yet b—” 

“You aren’t serious?” Remus asked. 

“I mean she still has feelings for Xenophilius, I’m not the only one having to get over someone. So we aren’t serious, but we are exclusive. I wouldn’t even think of snogging let alone sleeping with another girl if we’re exclusive. And we’ve decided that we will be currently.” 

“Currently?” 

“It might be easier to get serious if we are exclusive but no labels. We still need to sort our feelings out and maybe we’ll go on dates with other people to figure it out but that’s too much for either of us right now. And I’m not ready at all so, yeah, we’re exclusive currently.”  

“But not serious?” 

“Moony, are you deaf?” 

“Well,” Sirius interrupted. “Speaking of snogging. Have you? We’ve seen you kiss but have you snogged her.” 

“No.” 

The marauders left him alone after that, having gathered all the information needed. You came back out and flopped on James’ bed once more. He got up to cuddle with you. If anything happened afterwards, you didn’t know because you had fallen asleep. You were kind of excited for tomorrow. It was supposed to be a surprise but James told you that he had a date planned for you during your free time right after breakfast. Fake dates were still nice.

While you were having the sleep of your life, James’ brain was causing him to toss and turn. Lily actually seemed interested. He couldn’t believe it. This was the closest he’s ever been before. Maybe his plan wasn’t so dumb after all. You’d get Xeno, he’d get Lily and you both would be very happy. 

Morning rolled around. You tried to wiggle yourself out of James’ death grip, complaining quietly so you wouldn’t wake him. You could almost laugh as he whispered Lily’s name before remembering where you were. If any of the other boys heard him then there could be issues.

Although, you heard them last night. You sighed. Maybe you were only worried because if James got Lily too soon then you wouldn’t get Xeno. But you didn’t want to stop him from the love of his life, already understanding the feeling too well. They needed another plan. But at the moment, you needed to pee and get dressed in the last clean uniform you have before laundry needs to be done.  

To your surprise, the girls were up when you reached your shared dorm. You smiled sheepishly as you went to grab a washcloth from your wardrobe drawer so you could wash your face. Knowing they’d probably hound you if they were awake this early, you left the bathroom door open after using the toilet. It was nice to know they worried about you but also awkward at times. 

The girls looked at your outfit as they tried to figure out where the hell you came from. You had no shoes on, just slippers so you had to have stayed in the castle. But you were wearing sweatpants so you could have slept anywhere and been comfortable. Dorcas was the first to notice. 

“Is that James’?” she pointed to the cream colored thermal shirt you were wearing. 

You nodded with the toothbrush still in your mouth. The girls looked at each other. Honestly, they expected you to be at Alice’s dorm like you sometimes were. Lily, Marlene, and Mary decided to let Dorcas continue the line of questioning. 

“So you slept over at his dorm?” 

“Yeah,” you said before washing the rest of the soap suds off of your face and standing up straight again. “I thought I lost my money pouch but then I remembered I bought James candy at Honeydukes and was hoping I left it in the bag. Thank God I did. I just ended up crashing there because I got too lazy to move.” 

“You two are pretty serious it seems.” 

Hook. Line. And sinker. Part of you wanted to deviate from the plan because you just weren’t sure where you and Xeno stood but you couldn’t do that to James. Not when you had become good friends. So you snorted instead. 

“Not really. We’re just exclusive,” you repeated the thing you overheard James say to the boys. “I think it’s important to be when we’re trying to figure each other out.” 

“What’s there to figure out? You two like each other, don’t you?” Marlene asked. 

“Feelings are weird.” You finished changing and grabbed your bag. “Look, James are I are just talking. I know we’ve had some moments but it’s not like either one of us meant to be naked around each other. I was drunk once and then Sirius barged in a—” 

“Wait, James wasn’t in the shower already?” Mary interrupted. 

“Uh, no.” 

“So that was a lie?” 

“Do you know how embarrassing it is to admit that we hid from Sirius and he turned into a deer.” 

The girls started laughing so hard their sides were hurting. That sounded more like the James Potter they knew and something about the entire scenario seemed more endearing than the first story you told them. Lily stopped laughing and started smiling. One, because listening to the real story made James seem like a derpy sweetheart and two because you said you weren’t serious. Exclusive was in fact very different from serious. Everyone knew that. You all turned at the knock on the door and Lily’s smile faded a bit when James stepped in after being told he could enter. You put on your best surprised face. 

“Hi.” 

“Hey, bug, you left your money pouch again.” 

“I did?” 

“You need to enchant this thing… Hey, you’re free after breakfast right?” 

“Yes I am.” 

“Brilliant. Can I take you out on a date?” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, we haven’t done that yet and we probably should.” 

You chuckled. “We probably should.” 

“Yeah,” he repeated himself. “Yeah, dates are good. Especially having a real date before your birthday. I can’t believe you have a Halloween birthday by the way. I’ve never met someone with that birthday before.” 

“James Potter, are you nervous?” 

“Nervous? No. It’s just a first date. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I’m assuming you don’t want me to answer that.” 

“Please don’t.” 

You grabbed a purse before walking up to James and holding his hand. “Let’s go. No matter what happens, promise we’ll have fun.” 

“That I can do.” 

You and James sat on the top level of Three Broomsticks in the very back corner of the place. He opted to get the two of you food at the cafe portion instead of asking for a waiter so no one could interrupt you or worse overhear something they shouldn’t have. 

A sigh left your mouth. “Lily likes you and I don’t think we should drag that out before she loses interest again.” 

“But what about you and Xeno?” 

“What about us? He’s lost interest because I don’t have any experience so there’s no point in anything. Let’s just get you your girl and let me wallow in peace.” 

James set down your hot chocolate and looked you in the eye. “Do you really like Xeno? Like how I love Lily?” 

“Yes,” you answered from the depths of your heart. 

“Then we aren’t giving up. We’ll make him interested again. We need to be a whirlwind of passion and fiery breakup but nothing that can’t be mended either because I actually like being friends with you.” 

You and James finished eating breakfast and decided to stroll around Hogsmeade for the remainder of your free time. The two of you needed a plan with set dates and no deviations. You just wanted to be done with everything in no more than a week but James insisted on three months. In the end, you both compromised and decided on two months. Just until the end of the year and then you’d quit whether you got the guy or not. 

“But what are we going to do?” you asked. 

“Maybe we don’t work out… No, that’s not interesting enough.” 

You stopped walking, making James stop as well. “The jumper curse!” 

“What?” 

“The jumper curse, it’s a perfect way to break up. You, James Potter, will make me a jumper and later I will break up with you. In front of everybody.” 

“But why a jumper? What curse?” 

“You’re so daft sometimes.” 

“Hey!” 

“It’s true.” 

“Less insulting and more telling me about this curse.” 

“It’s an old wives tale but it happens enough that people don’t really question its truth if it does happen. It’s when one person makes the other a jumper and pretty soon after they break up.” 

“Why though?” 

“A host of reasons. The person that got the sweater thinks it’s too intimate too quick into the relationship so they end it, or the person doesn’t appreciate the maker enough, or the maker spends too much time with the jumper and not enough with the receiver. There’s probably way more I’m forgetting.” 

“Hmmm, not a bad idea at all, bug. Let’s do it.” 

The two of you made a plan to reconvene before the end of the day when there was time and to finalize details of the elaborate skit.

(part 8)...

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[magewritesstories]

Hi i was just wondering if you could write something of James potter and Fem!reader (established relationship) where basically they are at a Gryfindor party and basically there is this guy who has a huge crush on her and is being low-key creepy about it and it’s just James being the protective bf he is.

If not don’t worry!!!! x

[ ᴊᴀᴍᴇꜱ ᴘᴏᴛᴛᴇʀ ] ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜꜱʏ, ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜꜱʏ

summary: James Potter doesn't share anything, especially not his girlfriend TW: underage drinking note: ngl, I don't see James as the jealous type, but he is super protective. Also idek if Amos was in their year, but for the sake of the story he is.

JAMES POTTER IS NOT A JEALOUS GUY.

Really, he isn't. But dear Godrick he's never wanted to bash someone's head in with a bottle of firewhiskey so badly—but that might just be the empty bottle talking.

He watched from a good ten feet away as Amos Diggory flirted with you with a wide smirk.

As mentioned before, James wasn't a jealous guy. He couldn't blame the stares you got whilst walking through the halls, or the way some eyes would linger when you laughed a little too loudly at one of his dumb jokes.

You were stunning, and James didn't blame people for seeing that. Hell, he was glad they did. Besides, he couldn't ignore the tiny ego boost he got from the fact that at the end of the day he was your boyfriend and not any of them.

Amos however didn't seem to understand that.

James's eyes narrowed as he slung his arm around you oh-so casually as he told a (probably stupid) joke. You gave him a small smile, a polite one—yep, definitly a stupid joke.

"You planning on murdering Diggory by glaring, mate?" Siruis asked, walking over to his best friend with a grin, "I'm afraid you're not one of those guys from Peter's superhero books—hey wormy, which one was it? With the laser eyes?"

Peter looks up from his drink in confusion, "Superman?"

"Yeah, that one," Sirius snapped his fingers, "So, is that your plan? Burning Diggory with you laser eyes?"

"The only thing burning in here is Prongs," Remus replied with a laugh. James rolled his eyes, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Lily decided to join in on the conversation and added in a teasing tone: "Really, 'cause you look a little uhm... green."

"I'm not jealous, I don't get jealous," He replied with a scoff, glancing in your direction again, "Especially not of guys like Amos Diggory."

His friends all gave him sceptical looks as he grabbed another bottle of fire whiskey. "Why would I be jealous. I have nothing to be jealous about," He insisted, staring intently as Amos dragged you and Dorcas towards the dance floor.

"What about the fact that he's already asked out Y/N like three times?" Peter replied casually. The entire friendgroup turned towards him, "What?"

He jsut shrugged, "Yeah, he just asked her out three times in the past two hours—watching him get rejected twice was awkward, the third time it was just sad."

"And you're mentioning this now?!"

"I thought you knew, I mean you've been staring at them the entire night."

James put down his bottle of firewhiskey and made his way over to the two of you.

"That's not fair—you're just Slughorn's favourite," You replied, smiling as you whirled the drink in your hand.

Amos grinned at you, "Yeah, well, maybe if you spent more time actually listening during class you'd be able to catch up with me. Maybe."

You rolled you eyes at the statement. "Oh, please, Diggory, if anything I'm doing you a favour. If I actually tried during classes I'd leave you in the dust."

"Oh, yeah?" The blond asked, raising a brow at you, "Maybe I should return the favour by taking you to Honeydukes this weekend."

"Hmm, no, I think I'm good," You reply as politely as you can, mustering a small smile.

This was the fourth time Amos had asked you out in the past two hours. And also the fourth time you'd rejected him.

How did he not know you had a boyfriend? You'd think that after that kiss (read: pretty much a make-out session) with James after Gryffindor beat (read: wiped the floor with) Hufflepuff last quidditch match, people would know the two of you were dating.

Apparantly not.

"Besides—" A loud, familiar voice sounded as James put his arm around you shoulder— "We've already got plans for this weekend."

The brunette give you a sloppy kiss and a satisfied grin, "Don't we, babe?"

You smile and nod. "Mhm, you promised me a drink at the Three Broomsticks."

Amos looked between you and James as you gave eachother lovesick stares.

Maybe you were laying it on extra thick just for Amos but they were lovesick stares nonetheless.

"Oh, uhm, well then..." He stuttered, trying to form a coherent sentence. James turned to him with a raised brow, "Well, maybe you should be heading towards the firewhiskey."

Amos seemed to take the hint. Finally. He quickly scurried away and out of your sight.

You let out a sigh, "Thank you—for someone so smart that guy really doesn't know how to take a hint."

"Well, good thing you got me then," James replied, grinning from ear to ear as he kissed you again, "Your own personal superman."

You swung your arms around his neck and smiled into the kiss, "Mhm, so lucky."

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