#sketched this last night thought about it all day at work got home had a beer and was immediately tipsy so the lineart is um . it sure is

[thrillered]

"You Know I Mountain Dew It For Ya" | Spencer Agnew x Reader | Pt. 12

Part 12: What Would Spencer Do?

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You and Spencer spent a lazy sunday together. You woke up before him, sneaking away to the kitchen to make some coffee and start on breakfast. You had some nice bread you bought from the bakery you adore that was going to be stale soon so you decided to make some french toast. 

You set your phone on the counter, playing some soft music while you cooked. You cut up some strawberries while you waited for the pan to heat up, allowing the bread to soak up as much of the egg mixture as possible. 

It didn’t take long for everything to cook. You were plating up the pieces, spreading a few strawberry slices on each when you jumped at the feeling of warm arms snaking around your waist. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Spencer yawned, resting his cheek against the flat of your shoulder blade. 

“Morning.” You responded, turning off the stove top and turning around in Spencer's arm. “Sleep well?” 

“Well besides you snoring like the t-rex from jurassic park, yes.” 

You playfully slapped his arm, “Sounds like someone isn’t getting french toast.” 

“I'm kidding! I kid! I slept well, probably better than ever.” Spencer said, rescinding his previous joke. 

“That's what I thought.” You mused, handing him a plate before stepping around him to sit at the island. 

You shared a wonderful breakfast, Spencer complimenting you on the food. He insisted he washed the dishes, ever the gentleman. You didn’t argue, just sat on the counter next to him, admiring the domesticity of everything. You could get used to this, you thought. 

The rest of your day consisted of watching movies and playing games, relishing in the company of the other. You had your leftovers from dinner last night for lunch, switching with Spencer since you ordered his usual and he yours. 

Around 8 pm Spencer decided he should go home, he had to tend to his cats and do some house work. You reluctantly allowed him to leave, delaying the process by looking at him through your lashes, enticing him to kiss you again and again. 

—

On Monday the energy at the office felt electric. It was a new shoot week and everyone was rejuvenated from the weekend. The first thing on your itinerary was shooting “What would Spencer Do?”. At the same time the Smosh Mouth episode from last week would be uploaded. 

Shayne stopped you on your way into the sound stage, “Everything okay now?” He asked, seeing your new song after what had transpired the previous week. 

“Everythings great.” You grinned, feeling like a schoolgirl caught with a crush. 

“Good.” Shayne replied, wiggling his eyebrows at you before getting mic’d up. 

–

“Guys, welcome to: What Would Spencer Do?” Spencer began, introducing the video as everyone clapped and cheered. “Right now I’m trying to check out and, uh, buy a shirt. I’m trying to buy this shirt that dropped at 12 pm, it's 12:02 and my checkout is frozen.” 

Everyone bantered for a moment, you were drawing a silly picture of Spencer on your whiteboard. 

“I’m going to be asking questions that I have written on these cards, well rather Bailey has written them on these cards, and these questions will be about me.” Spencer continued. “Cuz’ today’s all about me. And three of my good friends here: Y/N, Alex Tran, and Shayne Topp will be answering the question.Whoever gets closest to my answer will get points” 

“I didn’t know there were points.” Alex commented. 

“Woo! I drew you!” You said, flipping your whiteboard to reveal a little sketch of Spencer. 

“That's the unabomber.” Spencer joked. “Okay guys, first question: What is my favorite movie I have seen in the last year?” 

You knew this right away, you had gone to see it with Spencer. Quickly writing down your answer you waited for the boys to finish. “Easy, Simple, Done.”

“Y/N, let’s start with you.” 

“Challengers, motherfucker.  You loved that movie, you couldn’t stop swooning over Mike Faist.” you laughed. 

Everyone got points that round, the crew cheering everyone on. 

“What is my go-to phrase?” Spencer asked, continuing the game.

“Okay this is different because you have so many..” You muttered, writing down a few. 

“Okay this almost isn’t fair, Y/N spends more time around you than anyone.” Shayne protests. 

“Sorry you’re an L friend.” You retorted, sticking your tongue out at him playfully. 

“I might have to defer to yall,” Spencer began, “I’ll write a few down.” 

“Shayne, let's start with you.” 

“Something I've noticed–it’s not really a phrase– but I just, you often say ‘It’s frankly ___. And then also just ‘Alright I’m heading out.” 

Spencer prompted Alex to go, “so I wrote: collect my pages.” Alex answered, explaining Spencer’s recent vocal stim. 

Moving onto you, you flipped your board revealing, ‘Collect my pages’, ‘Unfortunately-’, and ‘Oof’. “I couldn’t choose just one so I went with the top 3 I think you say the most.” 

You and Alex high fived, seeing you both knew ‘collect my pages’. “Spencer was over the other day and he asked me to grab his bag from the kitchen and immediately followed it with ‘oh and collect my pages, while you’re at it’” You recalled an instance from last week. 

“Unfortunately that did happen…” Spencer responded, laughing when he realized his phrase. “Well, I’m gonna give Alex and Shayne 1 point and Y/N 2 because those are all very true.”

You continued the game, Spencer reading off questions that you knew the answer to immediately. Everytime you were the first person done writing Spencer couldn’t help but smile at you. He was aware you knew him better than himself but there was something so much more special about you loving him because of that. To know someone so deeply and still love them so much was truly amazing Spencer thought. 

You and Alex were neck and neck, he was 2 points behind you coming up on the next question. “If I had a spotify– I’m an apple music guy– If I had a spotify, which artists would make my top 3 on wrapped?” Spencer asked, giving a few more parameters.

“I know you said top 3 of last year but I’m gonna do something crazy,” You looked around the room, “I’m gonna try and guess your current most listened to artists too.” 

“Ya know what, I will give you double points if you can correctly guess all 6. But! If you get even one wrong then you get no points at all.” Spencer compromised. 

“Deal,” You agreed, “Maybe it will give these chumps some time to catch up.” 

“Okay.. okay… calm down” Shayne taunted, finishing his answers.

“Y/N, let’s start with you since you’re so sure of yourself.” Spencer insisted. 

You turned your board around, “For last year I wrote Limp Bizkit, NewJeans, and 100 gecs. And I know those are right for a FACT! For current I said Creed, NewJeans, and ME!” You accused, causing Spencer’s ears to turn pink.  

“Okay well.. Let’s let Alex and Shayne go and we’ll see whether or not you’re right.” 

Alex answered Blackpink, John Wiliiams, and Beastie Boys while Shayne answered Weezer, John Williams, and The Weeknd. You remarked that Beastie boys is a great answer and they were in your top three last year. 

“You hate to see it but,” Spencer flipped his board, a mirrored response to your first three answers. “That is exactly correct Y/N.” 

Shayne and Alex groaned, knowing you were wiping the floor with them. You did a little dance, celebrating your victory. You sniffed the air, “Is that? Is that 6 points I smell??” You goaded, shoving the win in the other's faces a little.

“How humble of you to say yourself Y/N.” Shayne ribbed. 

“I kid you not, Saturday we were getting dinner together and when his phone auto connected to my car MY ALBUM started playing… I don’t need to be humble when my biggest fangirl is right here.” You gestured to Spencer, blowing him a kiss as he tried to refute your story with a groan. 

–

“Second to last question: Who is my #1 Fictional crush?” 

“I know this, and I hate that I know it, but I’m gonna embarrass you so bad Spence.” You laughed, writing down what you knew for certain the answer was. 

“Unfortunately, I don’t know what you’re gonna say and It’s kinda scary.” 

Spencer started with Alex, wanting to keep yours for last. Alex answered Indiana Jones. Moving to Shayne he answered ‘whats her name from evangelion’. You smiled, glad the boys were doing well with knowing Spencer’s answers. 

“Okay, I like that,” Spencer remarked, “Y/N?” 

“Shayne, her name is Misato,” You corrected, revealing the name on your board, Spencer flipping his own to show his identical answer. “Did you guys know Spencer really smoothly (not), tried to get me to be her for halloween last year.” You smirked, outing Spencer's lame attempt. 

Shayne cackled with laughter, Alex joining him soon after. “It’s not what it sounds like!” Spencer attempted to quell the laughter and embarrassment. 

“It was hilarious because he came up to me and was like ‘You have a costume for halloween yet?’ and when I said no he pretended to think for a moment and was like ‘Ya know… you could be this cool anime character.. I uh I think you'd like her.” You deepend your voice slightly to mock Spencers. 

“Okay let’s move on to the last question.” Spencer announced, drawing everyone's attention. “Okay last question: Can you… Collect my pages? Okay no, actual question: What am I having for dinner tonight?” 

“Unfortunately-” You began, pointing at Spencer when you realized you said his phrase, “This will also be what I’m having for dinner because it’s monday night movie night, which always includes food, but it’s Spencer's week to pick.” 

“That actually is true, I hadn’t put two and two together.” Spencer realized.

You didn’t actually know what he had chosen for the two of you so you wrote down a tried and true answer: Homestate. Alex answered the 50 piece nuggets which made everyone laugh. Shayne, being a genius, answered Cane’s, which immediately made Spencer reconsider everything. 

“You might have legitimately changed my mind.” Spencer faltered. 

“Okay Cane’s does sound good so I wouldn’t be mad at that.” You chimed in. “Like Fred Durst said: Damn right I'm a caniac.” You said, waiting for the joke to land. Spencer immediately laughed at its stupidity. 

Spencer pondered the idea of Canes for a minute before sending the question to you finally. “I said Homestate, because 1: I swear to god you choose it 8/10 times on your week and 2: because I know that’s the office lunch today and you always sneak an extra into the fridge to take home.” 

“Bro, you’re airing out all of my business.” Spencer strained. 

“I came here to win and if part of that is spilling your beans… so be(an) it.” You joked, looking for confirmation of your joke before waving it off. 

“I did say homestate though.” Spencer revealed. 

At the end of the game you had 17 points, followed by Shayne with 13 and Alex with 10. 

“I wear my best friend title as a badge of honor!” You saluted Spencer who did it back to you, enjoying the attention and playfulness. 

Spencer wrapped up the video, finishing the shoot and getting your mic’s off. Spencer sided up to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Not bad.” 

“Not bad? I aced that, I got a 4.0 in Spencer GPA, that’s gamer point average.” You laughed, shrugging off his arm to give your mic to Greg. 

—

The rest of the day all Spencer could think about was how well you did in the game. You answered in ways Spencer didn’t even realize was correct, and often more so than what he would write down, often deferring to your answer. He felt giddy, like a schoolboy holding hands for the first time. 

He couldn’t get over how much information about him you had stored away, he wondered the extent of it. He had a lot of friends, and he had grown close to a lot of his coworkers, but no one held a flame to you, you knew him like the back of your hand. 

To be loved is to be known.

[maximwtf]

“Forsaken talents.”

Kaveh x Reader

Words: 1770

Google Docs Pages: 3

Warnings: Established relationship, emotional hurt/comfort, a little corny idk leave me alone

Opening: Turns out your position in one of the biggest commissions you’d gotten wasn’t secured, and someone else got it instead of you. But thankfully you live with an artist who knows how it feels. 

AN// G/N reader. Not sure if I wanna start writing for Kaveh more, but let’s test the waters with this and see where it goes :”D Yuhh, also last of my "left these in docs to rot" fics, finished at last. I shall now disappear once more. Opening requests again too c:

“Forsaken talents.”

You were on the way back from an important meeting, it having lasted for hours. Or so it had felt while stressing how it would go. You’d been attempting to secure a spot in a commission that could have very well been considered the biggest one you’d been seen for. Having obviously been excited, yet scared. Telling all of this to Kaveh the night before, though hiding most of the fright you’d been dealing with concerning the final meeting. This would have been a huge step forwards in your career, only if it had gone according to plan. 

The company had already found someone more fitting to their idea, and due to that turned you down. Making you leave the building with mixed feelings. On top of all, upset. 

So you were on your way back home, defeated as ever. Feeling bad about having hyped up this possibility earlier, and having it end up like this. Not feeling so thrilled anymore. In truth, you didn’t even have the motivation to explain this all to Kaveh, when he’d ultimately ask how the meeting had gone. Because not only would you bring down the mood, but also have to relive the events of that day again. Somehow, the singular meeting had drained all energy out of you. 

As slowly as you had tried to walk, an all too familiar door was at last standing in front of you. For once, not bringing a feeling of comfort. But unease, knowing what laid behind it. The conversation you most likely had to go through or at the very least try to avoid.

Drawing in a breath, you mentally prepared for what had kept you on edge the whole way. Trying to stay strong enough to not just burst into tears at the very sight of Kaveh. Thinking of suggesting talking about the result of the meeting later that day. You had planned a lunch date with him way before this, not really wishing to be the one to bring down the mood just before it. That would most likely ruin the whole mood, adding on to the pile of thoughts already swarming your mind. 

Either way, if he asked anything about the meeting you could merely suggest hurrying to the restaurant. Hinting at the time, not having enough to discuss the meeting. 

Nodding to yourself before exhaling and opening the door slowly, stepping through the threshold. Hoping you could pull this off without ruining the mood. Or even worse, making him worry. 

You walked in, eyes spotting Kaveh on one of the couches. Hunched over, eyes keenly looking over something from a notebook. Clearly rather deep in thought with a new project. Seemingly working endlessly, which had been one of the reasons you’d agreed to going on the date with him. To get him to clear his mind for a moment before he’d ultimately go back to working on whatever he had undone. Seemingly there being an endless amount, not that it hadn’t been the same for you at certain points. 

After a brief moment you walked up to him, greeting him with an awkward sense of joy. “Which project is this?” You asked right after, eyeing the sketches and notes in front of him. But Kaveh didn’t seem interested in answering, sensing something wasn’t quite right. His gaze moved up to you, “is everything alright?” He asked, a curious but gentle look on his face. But to which you replied by shaking your head, “nothing serious, I promise. Just something bugging me about the meeting.” Trying to dodge the question to the best of your efforts, passing the topic on. But that hadn’t seemed to do the trick, seeing as he’d taken a light hold of your hands. Only now noticing how they’d been fidgeting, the contact with him making it stop. “Come on, you know that didn't sound convincing at all. I can tell when something's bugging you. Spill it.” He asked, looking up at you. Feeling awful about pushing him away gently before placing your folder on the table. Swearing in your mind you’d felt his eyes follow you, clearly confused and a little irritated with how little you were letting him know. 

Needing the moment to end, you turned to him again. “Could we go have lunch first? It’s not that big of a deal, you know how some clients get… And if I explain the events of a multi hour meeting now…I doubt we’ll make it to our reservation, no?” You said, cringing a little at the excuse. But it seemed to have worked. Making Kaveh go quiet for a moment, clearly contemplating if that was the right course of action. But at the end giving in, accepting the suggestion. 

Joining you a little hesitantly, clearly something on his mind now as well. “What?” You questioned, seeing him frown before sighing. “But you’ll tell me when we get back?” He asked, looking rather hopeful up until you sighed. “Please, I just don’t want the plans I suggested force you to leave if you’re not feeling up for it.” He added, walking behind you to the door.

Giving him another firm head shake you opened the front door. The fresh air feeling a lot easier to breathe than the one inside. “We’ll see about that after…come on.” You reached for his hand, not wanting to dwell on this for any longer. 

Throughout the lunch Kaveh kept exchanging looks with you, making it quite clear to you that he was eager to hear what had happened. And you couldn’t lie, you didn’t enjoy yourself as much as you would have hoped. The events of that day playing at the back of your mind. Making you chat with him less than you usually did. And each time you did reply to him it was almost awkwardly visible you didn’t wish to be out in public.  Not making it hard for him to be well aware the meeting hadn’t gone well, able to guess the outcome. 

Arriving back home, you barely had time to settle when he asked again. “Come on, are you feeling alright? And if you’re not, that’s okay, but tell me.” Kaveh almost whined, bothered by not being able to do anything to help. Seeing an opportunity to for once be able to help you in return for all the care you’d provided for him. “Like you said, I know how some clients can get,” he chuckled after. Waiting for you to respond for a moment, but seeing as you stayed silent, he continued. “So maybe this time I could help you, hm?” The offer clearly loaded with the expectation that you’d finally spill what had happened. 

You bit your lower lip, weighing our options. Soon enough, a sigh escaped as your shoulders dropped. A burning feeling at the back of your eyes as your guard was slowly shattering in real time. Finding it hard to recollect yourself by that point, merely staring right back at him as the first few tears welled up. Sniffling for a moment until you ultimately saw it best to walk up to him before breaking down any further. To which he responded, wrapping his arms around you before the more broken sobs escaped. 

You allowed yourself to cry against him for a moment, slowly starting to explain. “They let me present what I had planned…A-and…” You sniffled, raising your chin to his shoulder. “By the end of the meeting…they told me based on today, they…they had someone more suited for the work.” You sobbed out the truth, pent up frustration shown in a rather raw form. But it felt right, the meeting having left you feeling rather worthless. 

Kaveh cupped the back of your head, feeling your hands gently grip the front of his shirt. Desperately wishing to fix this. "You know how talented you are, right..? Their decision doesn’t show the worth of your skills and time. And..there’s other clients out there who’ll respect you way more.” He explained, guiding you to look at him for a moment. “Plus, maybe it’s good they dropped you. If they couldn’t even see the genius you are.” Kaveh tried to smile carefully, attempting to bring the mood up a little. 

You sniffled, freeing one of your hands to wipe some of the tears away. “I know…but I was almost certain the spot was locked. But then it got cancelled..just like that?” You shrugged, an upset frown forming on your face. Feeling Kaveh gently ruffle your hair, though seemingly making sure he didn’t mess it up. “Hell, I bet they’ll regret letting you go soon enough? And I’ll laugh when they’ll come back begging for you to work with them again, hm?” He said, smiling at the small laugh you let out through the sniffles. Biting his cheek when you leaned in to press a few kisses along his jawline. “We can laugh at them together.” You said, feeling a little better after telling everything to him. 

Kaveh smiled at the statement, pulling you back against him, pleased to see the mood get better. Prepared to rub it in their face if the company came back, but not daring to say it out loud. Assuming you had thought he had been joking, keeping his actual plan a secret for now. 

So instead he let his hand caress the back of your neck, placing a kiss to the top of your head before releasing you from the embrace. 

You lifted your head up a little to see him while wiping your eyes. A faint red on your cheeks and eyes, sniffling before speaking up again. “Thank you,” you whispered in a voice filled with emotion. Grateful he’d been so willing to help the whole time, even when you’d effectively pushed him away multiple times. “You have so many things on your shoulders too, you didn’t have to.” Which was true in your opinion. You’d seen how hard he worked and yet, he was so willing to drop it all earlier to speak to you. Knowing he was always prepared to do that for anyone he cared about, which never failed to amaze you. 

Kaveh smiled while looking down at you, hands still gently at your hips. Barely holding on. “No need to thank me, really. You’ve helped me… What? About a dozen times in the past. I owe you if anything.” He chuckled, tilting his head. “And even if I didn’t…what kind of a person would I be if I let you sit this over alone, hm?” He hummed, joyed to see a familiar smile back on your face once more. 

[jesterjazz]

Title: Another Day in the Future Pairing: Jimmy Neutron/Timmy Turner Rating: Gen Word Count: ~6K Ao3 link

--- It was one of those rare days where there was nothing major going on. The stars only align like this every few months. Jimmy was in his lab as usual. Libby and Sheen were on a date. Carl was at the zoo. Cindy? Who knows, who cares? Certainly not him. All was right with the world. The multiverse was quiet. Well... Aside from one glaring issue.

"Jimmy. Jimmy Jam. James. James Isaac Neutron. Uh... What is that Cindy calls you? Nerdtom? Nerdtron! Nerd the candy. Candyman." 

Timmy Turner wouldn't shut up. 

Jimmy refused to respond to any of those nicknames. He was far too busy working on his blueprints. Turner was in his lab being a nuisance, touching everything. Despite the number of times Jimmy had told him not to touch anything. Even going as far as to actively shake the chair that the boy genius was sitting on. It was taking everything in Jimmy’s power to not lose it. 

"Jonathan." Turner shook the chair harder. How Goddard was able to sleep through all this ruckus was beyond him.

"That’s not even close to my name.” Not-Jonathan whipped his head towards the most annoying person in his lab. Probably the entire multiverse. “What in the name of science do you want, Turner?"  

Turner shrugged, unaffected. "I'm bored.” He let go of the chair. His eyes went wide with an idea. “Ooh, can we create a bad guy to defeat again? That was fun."

Jimmy rolled his eyes, "You never learn."

"Nope!" Timmy smiled wide. As if his buck teeth needed more exposure.

“Why don't you play poker with your holograms?” 

“He’s banned.” Cosmo said from a distance. Jimmy didn’t bother turning around. The holograms liked to play random board games off to the side. They were unintrusive, unlike their creator. They liked to play chess, monopoly, and apparently some fairy related board games? 

Jimmy didn’t ask questions anymore. The one time he did, he got sucked in for about three days straight. It was brutal. Friendships and marriages were tested.

“Timmy is scary good at poker.” Wanda said.

“What? No way, you guys are just bad at lying.” Timmy protested. A valiant effort to defend his non-existent honor, but ultimately a useless one.

“It’s not fair!” Cosmo threw down his cards. The cards flew over Jimmy’s workstation and landed helter-skelter all over his blueprints. 

"Why don't you just go home?" Jimmy brushed aside the loose cards. The mess would be future Jimmy’s problem. 

"Vicky is babysitting again," The three of them intoned. It was eerie how in sync they could be at times.

Ah yes, the babysitter: Vicky. One of the cruelest people Jimmy had ever had the misfortune of interacting with. They only met once, but the memory of clinging onto the seat for dear life and then being thrown out of a car kept him up on random nights. The world Timmy lived in was absolutely terrifying. No wonder he didn’t want to return. Especially with a babysitter like that.

His friend would often complain about his babysitter. It was odd to know he had one, especially since they were only one year apart in age. Jimmy’s own parents were always around or made his grandma come over. He shuddered at the thought of the last time his grandma was supposed to take care of him. Still, he’s been able to stay home alone more often than not. Not like Turner ever had that opportunity.

"Well, that is her job,” Jimmy continued sketching out a small device. “My job is to work on an upgrade to make travel between dimensions more convenient for the team." 

It’s been something he’s been meaning to do for a while. Traveling between different worlds had become a bit of an inconvenience. First he would need to track down Danny, Spongebob, Timmy, bring them back to the lab or whatever meeting place they were at, and fill them in on the details. Then they’d split up. If they got lost then that took up extra time to track the lost member down. 

It was a whole tedious process. 

Designing something handheld that each member of the team could carry with them would be useful. It would help with communication and knowing everyone’s location, especially in a time of a crisis. It could also make transportation between universes a lot smoother.

"Oh!” Timmy shook the chair again. Jimmy was going to defenestrate Turner one of these days. “I know what you should do instead. You should build a meeting area. It can be in space." 

“You know you could just wish that up, Sport.” In the corner of Jimmy’s eye, he could see Wanda flying right next to her creator. 

“Oh yeah.” Timmy blinked. “Nah, later. I want to annoy Jimmy right now.” 

Jimmy sighed as he put his pencil down. “Having you here irritating me this only seems to be a disservice to my future self." 

"Hey…” His friend smirked, never a good sign. “Future self, huh? You ever wonder what you're going to be like in the future?" 

"Nope." Jimmy shut that down.

"Why not?"

"I already know.” He held up his blueprints, tilting his head. Did they look right? No. Something was missing. He put them down. “I'm going to get multiple Nobel Peace Prizes, be rewarded for helping make advances in science, and not be married to Cindy."

"And how do you know that?" Timmy crossed his arms. 

"Because I built a portal to the future." Jimmy said, erasing a detail he didn’t like. He was going to redraw that one bit again.

"What?” Timmy pushed Jimmy’s chair. “When was this?" The table shook with the force of Timmy’s push, sending his pencil flying across the room. 

Jimmy heaved a long-suffering sigh.

His attempts to get anything done would always be foiled as long as Turner was here. At least one of the holograms teleported his pencil back. While they were bound to Timmy’s chaotic whims, they still did things of their own volition.

He remembered his friend’s question, "Oh. A few months before we made Shirley." 

“Huh… Do you still have it?”

“It should be somewhere in the back of the lab,” he said absentmindedly, vaguely gesturing to the back. Mm, erasing pencil lines was annoying. Maybe he should just start over.

“Cool!” Timmy ran off.

Finally, peace and quiet. 

Jimmy enjoyed it for about five seconds before the implications nearly knocked him onto the floor. He jumped out of his seat and went after Turner. He was not going to let Turner mess with time. Let alone unsupervised.

“Is this it?” Timmy stood right in front of the Chrono Arch. 

“How many times in the past have we messed with time?” Wanda crossed her arms.

“This is different. Now we're messing with the future.” Timmy smiled.

“He’s got a point there.” Cosmo mused.

“No, you will not.” Jimmy approached them and the arch. “That’s odd. There should be a sheet covering it.” 

“Well, there isn’t.” 

Said sheet was sitting in a puddle on the floor to the side, discarded. He could've sworn he covered it. Last time, he swore to himself that he’d never  mess with his future ever again. 

Dictator Libby was enough for one afternoon adventure.

Timmy cracked his knuckles, wiggling his fingers as he reached out to push some buttons.

“Turner!” Jimmy pulled him away by the collar before he could do so. He was getting way too good at stopping Timmy moments before disaster. “Let me handle this. How far into the future do you want to see?” 

He looked over to see if everything was still stable. The machine was still plugged in. Odd. 

“Mm.” Timmy tapped his shoes. “I don’t know. Ten years?” He glanced at Cosmo and Wanda. Cosmo only shrugged.

Ten years? They would only be in their early twenties. Well, there was no doubt Jimmy would find some success. He’d probably be in college, finishing up a master’s… Or maybe even a doctorate.  

While his parents wanted him to stay in elementary school to be around other kids his age, they didn't have those same restrictions when it came to his later teen years. If he played his cards right he could probably finish up high school early. A vague plan, but a plan nonetheless.

The next ten years didn't seem that interesting. Just boring high school stuff he had seen in movies. Music, dancing, and unrealistic romantic woes.

The last time Jimmy ran the machine he did at least fifteen years to see what he was like in his mid twenties. He was thriving, along with his other friends. 

“Ten years feels a bit too soon.” Jimmy summarized his thoughts. 

“Uh… Twenty years!” Timmy said. Twenty years into the future. It seemed so far away. He’d be in his thirties, basically an old man. 

“I hope there’s flying cars!” Cosmo said.

“Cosmo sweetie, we can already fly.” Wanda reminded him.

“Oh yeah…”

“Alright,” Jimmy punched in the exact date twenty years into the future. “Let’s have a look at Retroville twenty years from now.” He turned the machine on.

The boys peered through the archway to see future Retroville. It seemed altogether more stylish, with better paved roads, floating billboards, and robots patrolling the sidewalks. 

People were wearing sleek futuristic outfits. 

Jimmy searched for his future self. He landed on a house with a rainbow flag. Calling it a house was an understatement, it was almost a mansion. There his future self was, sitting in a living room surrounded by prizes. He looked unbothered by life, and more importantly, there was no Cindy in sight to bother him. Hopefully he was far away from Timmy Turner as well.

“Seems like everything is as it should be.” Jimmy stepped back from the Chrono Arch, arms akimbo as he admired a future where things were calm and he was successful.

“What about me?” Timmy crossed his arms.

Jimmy rolled his eyes, “I don't know if we’d even be friends that far in the future.” Of course everything had to be about or related to Turner. “Who’s to say you would even be in Retroville?”

Timmy grinned with mischief in his eyes, “Let’s find out.” Then he ran right into the portal. 

“Timmy!” The holograms yelled and flew right after their creator. 

“How did I end up with Vicky’s job?” Jimmy wondered aloud to his empty lab. There was only one thing he could do. He ran through the Chrono Arch.

The lights were blinding. Traveling through time or between different dimensions did not get any easier. 

“This place looks cool!” Timmy yelled, which made Jimmy flinch. His ears were still ringing a bit. 

Turner never seemed to be affected by these sorts of things. Were those the consequences of having holograms teleporting him anywhere? Did that make things easier? He would do more research, but Timmy was very protective of Cosmo and Wanda. 

After Jimmy’s eyes adjusted, he looked around. It was still very much Retroville. They landed in a more suburban area. Not a place Jimmy frequented. This was more where the upper middle class were located. His parents were regular middle class.

He only knew where they were because this street went all out during Halloween. There would be fake skeletons, grand decorations,  and oh, the candy would be marvelous.

This was probably the street where his future self lived. Nice.

The holograms were no longer in their fairy forms. Instead they had morphed into oddly colored squirrels, sitting right next to Timmy.

“Turner!” Jimmy yelled, Timmy’s wonder crashed into annoyance at Jimmy’s voice. “You weren't supposed to go into the future.” Jimmy’s eyes widened in panic. He patted himself down. “Darn it, and we have no means of getting back.”

Jimmy didn’t even have Goddard with him. At least last time he was in the future with Carl and Sheen, the robo- dog was there to help make travel easier.

“Speak for yourself, I have Cosmo and Wanda to poof me back. You however, seem very unprepared.” Timmy said.

“We are not going to leave Jimmy stranded in the past.” Wanda scolded.

“Thank you Wanda. I came unprepared because you ran here with no warning.” Jimmy said.

“You saw my scheming face.” Timmy shrugged. “You were warned.” 

“Not the point.” Jimmy groaned. “Let’s go find James.” He started walking.

“Who’s James?” Timmy jogged up to him. That jog became a walk, matching Jimmy’s pace.

“Future me, I don't want to say future Jimmy a hundred times.”

“Oh. That makes sense. Do we call my future self something else too?”

“Thomas does sound like a more grown up name.”

“Thomas?!” Timmy stopped. “You think my name is Thomas? Ew.”

Jimmy smiled at his friend’s distress in the slowly growing distance between them.

Timmy caught up to him, “Why are we even friends? I thought you knew me.” 

“If your full name isn't Thomas then what is it?”

“Timothy.”

Jimmy snorted, “Timothy? Timothy Turner.”

“Timothy Tiberius Turner.”

“Your dimension is obsessed with alliteration.”

“Nope, just my parents.”

Jimmy opened his mouth, ready to insult them. He closed it. Timmy didn't mention his parents often. Though from the little bits of information that Jimmy has been able to gather from context clues and through interacting with them, they didn't seem like the best. 

Yet Timmy was still fond of them. He got defensive if anyone implied otherwise. It wasn't worth the petty squabble. 

They kept walking.

“So what are we looking for?” Timmy broke the silence.

“James’ house. I saw it briefly before we went.” 

“You remember it?”

“Barely.” Jimmy sighed. “I know it had a flag outside.”

“Like that?” Timmy pointed to a rainbow flag.“What country is that?” 

“No country has that flag.” Jimmy said. 

It’s odd. He didn’t understand why he would have a rainbow flag outside his residence at all.

“I’m pretty sure there’s a country with that flag.” Cosmo said. 

The two boys and the two squirrels went up the porch. Timmy knocked on the door.

"Honey, I told you to remember your keys-" James opened the door and took a double take. Wheels seemed to turn in his head before he looked down to stare at the boys. "Not you two again."

"Again?" Jimmy asked. This was the first time he had gone to this version of the future. 

Timmy went inside. "Sweet place you got."

"He says that every time." James rolled his eyes, turning on his heel to follow Timmy in.

"Every time?” Jimmy asked.  Alarm bells were starting to go off in his head. “Have we been here before?"

James stepped to the side, “Just come on in." He gestured into the house, a tired yet soft smile appeared. Jimmy doesn't think he’s ever worn that expression before.

Before the future was alluring and full of promise. It was supposed to be exciting. Now that he was there faced with an older version of himself made things feel different. 

It made it real. 

One day he was going to have all of this. Success wasn't a question, it was a guarantee. 

Something would happen that would make him wear this emotion so easily on his face. That was scary, because he had no idea what would cause it.

He stepped inside, regardless of his misgivings. It was his portal that brought Timmy here and he was going to bring him back to the past. Possibly kicking and screaming. 

The inside was bigger than he expected it to be. There was a living room to the left. Timmy was already taking everything all in. The walls were a rich rusty color, and a light green rug contrasted the rich black couch and loveseat. They had soft pink pillows on top with cute little hearts. One pillow was full of rainbow hearts, which seemed like an odd design choice. 

Little trinkets lined the fireplace. Jimmy… Begrudgingly admitted to himself that he was too short to see the top but he could see the edge of a snowglobe  that said Dimmsdale. Something else seemed to have Phantom’s logo on a plush of some kind? Merch perhaps? Following that line of logic, there must also be something from Bikini Bottom, but there were more than three items on the mantel. A hint of new members in the future? Fascinating.

His Nobel Peace Prizes were on full display on a different shelf, the same ones he saw when Sheen and Carl were first looking at their futures months ago.

It was sleek yet cozy. Lived in, but there were no pictures hung up. Which seemed like an odd detail, or lack of one. 

Timmy stood on the other side of the room closer to the television. At least that’s what Jimmy assumed it was. It looked a lot flatter than any television he had ever seen.  It sat on a television stand, books lining the shelves below. Classic literature mixed with... What the hell was a Crimson Chin? Why did his future self have volumes of it?

“What’s this?” Timmy picked up a controller.

“It’s the newest gaming system, I got it as a favor in advance.” James said.

“Really? Cool!” 

Jimmy turned to his future self with suspicion. “Since when did we get into video games and comic books?” He asked. Sure, Jimmy liked video games, but not to this extent.

“My spouse’s hobbies.” James said.

Jimmy eyebrows raised in surprise at that. He got married? But- His true love was science!

As if his future self knew exactly what he was thinking, he raised his hand up from his pocket, showing off a wedding ring with a comforting smile. 

Timmy shook the controller, still in his own little world, “How do I start playing?”

“Nope.” James snatched the controller out of Timmy’s hand. “It’s supposed to be a surprise gift for my partner.”

Jimmy liked using his big vocabulary but this seemed excessive. Why wasn’t his future self just saying wife? He hadn’t even dropped one pronoun, almost carefully sticking to gender-neutral words. 

"Are Cindy and I still married in this version of the future?" Jimmy asked.

"No." James replied, almost annoyed. “You really think Cindy is into video games and comics? She’s too busy being a senator.”

“Cindy and I aren’t married. This is truly the best future!” Jimmy started doing a little dance. “Wait, she’s a senator?”

"Enough about Nerd Brain over there, I wanna know about my future!" Timmy whined. 

"For the last time Turner, we are in future Retroville. Not future Dimmsdale." Jimmy turned to James. "Tell me we aren't still friends in the future."

"That's one way of putting it." James stifled a laugh.

Jimmy raised an eyebrow, "I highly doubt I've always been this vague."

“I’m being vague for a reason. We need to get you two back, the past is already changing with every second you stay here, and I’d like the present to stay exactly how it is." James said.

"Even in the future you're still so pushy and demanding." Timmy pulled a face. “Can I play at least one game?”

“No.”

The door opened with a squeal of hinges, and a stranger walked in. 

"Hey Handsome," he said, his face obscured by armfuls of  grocery bags.

"T- Babe! Hi. I think you should stay outside." James said.

"You seem tense." The stranger put the groceries down on the counter. 

Jimmy noticed the buck teeth first, then the wedding ring. The same one his future self wore. 

His heart stopped. 

No. 

His worst fears were realized when Future Timmy pulled Future Jimmy closer, the same way his dad would his mom. Then Future Jimmy and Future Timmy started kissing. The world slowed down. Dramatic classical music blasted in Jimmy's mind. 

His future lips… Were on future Turner's.

"I think I'm going to faint. Or vomit. Or both." Timmy fell backwards.

Jimmy couldn't stop staring. How did this happen? What? When? Why? How? What?!

The future was still messed up. That was the only logical reason.

Future Timmy pulled away from his future self. Good. He needs to stay away. Very far away. A separate dimension far away. Several dimensions.

“Woops. Didn't see those two.” Timothy rubbed the back of his neck.

“I always tell you, you need to be more aware of your surroundings. How many times have I had to save your sorry butt?” James raised an eyebrow.

“I lost count.” Timothy shrugged. “Besides you love my butt, Sweetbuns.”

James laughed. 

Jimmy and Timmy cried.

“Make it stop.” Jimmy groaned.

“This is a fate worse than an afternoon with Vicky.” Timmy sat up.

“How did this even happen?” Jimmy asked.

"I was around eighteen? There was a party in Retroville. Do you remember who was throwing it?" Timothy turned to James.

"Libby, I think. Her parties were the only ones worth going to."

"Oh right. So Jimmy and I get there together, and there's booze. I want to try some but Jimmy starts being a buzzkill so I trick him into drinking."

"Cool!" Timmy said.

"Wait, how?" Jimmy asked.

"Reverse psychology with a pinch of peer pressure." James sighed. "Timmy isn’t as dumb as he seems. He can actually be quite clever, when he wants to be."

Timothy smiled, "Aw-"

"I'm still mad at you for that." James threw a soft elbow into Timothy’s ribs.

Timothy let out a soft oof before wrapping an arm around James’ waist. "It's been like ten years! Plus we're married." 

Jimmy covered his eyes. This was not happening.

"I don't see how that is relevant." James said.

"Anyway, drunk Jimmy is an absolute riot.” An evil little smile grew on Timothy’s face. “He was starting to strip, getting really cuddly, he tried to get in some fights, he started crying over a penny." 

Timothy started to laugh, and James, mock offended, shoved hands at his shoulders to push him away, which only made Timothy laugh harder, though his arm stayed firmly around James’ waist.

Timmy made a disgusted face and Jimmy nodded in agreement. How could they have fallen so far? How could they have fallen for each other? One night drinking caused this??? Yeah, no. He was swearing off alcohol. Forever. The loss of brain cells from drinking clearly affected him.

James playfully rolled his eyes, "I was being set up. Everyone was trying to get me drunk!"

"Because you never got drunk before. It was... Incredible.” Timothy’s eyes brimmed with emotion as he stared ats James. “But then he started vomiting, and that was not so great. I barely drank so it was up to me to take care of him. Then Jimmy starts going on and on about how great I am and then drops the bomb that he loves me, then passes out." 

Jimmy clenched his fists, cheeks burning. "Why would I even be so foolish as to drink alcohol?" 

“I got curious and Timmy really knows how to push my buttons.” James said.

“That’s not the only thing I can do.” Timothy smirked.

“Babe.” James, honest to Einstein, giggled. 

“Ahhh!” Jimmy covered his eyes. He did not want to think about the idea that one day in the future he was going to have intercourse with Timmy ‘two plus five equals six, right?’ Turner. “I need to bleach my eyes and sand down my ears.”

“Same.” Timmy gagged.

Jimmy sat down on the couch. This was too much information, and he really loved information. Not this kind. Never this kind again.

It was utterly mind boggling. How could he- When? 

"Wait, what about us? When did we- You fall for Timmy?" Jimmy asked.

James sighed. "Thirteen."

"What?" Both Timmys said.

"Thirteen? That’s two years from now." Jimmy started panicking. 

There could be no way in hell that he falls in love with Timmy Turner in about two years' time. Yet the proof was in front of him. A life, domestic and cozy with that insane buck-toothed boy. 

"Wait, you never told me you liked me for that long." Timothy said.

"It's cheesy." James said. "It was on a recon mission. So we were gathering information on some mountains. There was a rock slide and Timmy pulled me out of the way."

"That's it?" Timmy tilted his head. "That's kind of boring, if that's all it takes then I guess I won't save you from any falling rocks."

"I don't need saving from falling rocks." Jimmy said.

"Clearly you do." Timmy poked him in the arm.

"Do not! Are there any rocks here?" 

"I wish-"

Jimmy covered Timmy's mouth.

"I fall in love with him? Him? That can't be right... So he saved my life. We save each other all the time. Why was that any different?" Jimmy pleaded to know.

"It just was." A soft smile appeared on James’ face. "I was so grateful when Timmy pulled me out of the way. So many times I had to be the one to think of a way out of the situation, it felt so rare whenever someone else had to do that for me. Yet here Timmy was, constantly doing that. It felt inevitable…"

Jimmy's chest started to feel weird. His hand got wet- Damnit, did Timmy just lick his hand?!

"Ew!" Jimmy ripped his hand away.

“You didn’t let me talk!” Timmy glared.

“You deserve a muzzle.” Jimmy wiped his hand on Timmy’s shirt.

Timmy screamed. 

“Aw, we are so cute.” Timothy cooed. “Wait- Do you have Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof on you?”

“What’s a poof?” Timmy turned to his future self.

Cosmo and Wanda winked into existence over Timmy’s head. 

“You remember us?” Wanda’s eyes widened. 

“Neat!” Cosmo smiled.

Timothy gasped, almost tearing up. “Yeah, Jorgen didn’t take my memories. Saving the multiverse and Fairy World a few times gives you that sort of privilege.”

“We save Fairy World? Multiple times? Us?” Timmy asked. It didn't seem like that far of a stretch. After all, he was on a team dedicated to keeping the multiverse safe.

“Yup. My Cosmo and Wanda retired but they still visit me every so often. I guess Poof hasn’t- I should keep that one a surprise.” Timothy zipped his lips.

“Cool! I get to keep my memories of Cosmo and Wanda.” 

“You were going to forget about them?” Jimmy asked.

“It’s…” Timmy rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. “It’s a story for another time.”

Jimmy eyed his friend, “What do you mean-” 

“Who wants cookies?” Timothy clasped his hands, breaking the tension.

“Me!” Timmy got up and ran to the grocery bags, ravaging through them.

Timothy whistled with fake innocence. Jimmy turned to his future self but James only put his hands up.

Whatever. He’ll confront Turner about it later.

“What on Earth possessed you to fall in love with him?” Jimmy gestured to the two Timmys. The fear ran through this heart. There were two of them. Over there, bonding over cookies. The holograms were buzzing with energy.

How the world hadn’t exploded yet was beyond him.

“I’ve spent the last twenty years asking myself that every same question. Why him?” James grabbed a cookie and passed it over to Jimmy. “Long story short; he makes me happy.” He shrugged.

“He’s nothing but a nuisance that causes problems for everyone else to deal with.” Jimmy grabbed the cookie and bit into it angrily.

“We did that a lot as a kid too.”

“Wha- Did not!” Jimmy covered his mouth trying not to let the crumbs fall onto the floor.

James pulled up his hand and started counting off different incidents they were responsible for, “Pants, aliens, nanobots, the N-men, evil clone-”

“Okay.” 

“Addictive candy, permanent sickness, rapid aging, I can keep going.” James gave a mischievous smile. 

“We fixed all of those issues.”

“We also caused them.”

A rebuttal was on the tip of Jimmy’s tongue.

“Oh my God-” Timothy pushed his younger self out of the way to get over to the gaming system. “Is this?”

“Hey!” Timmy pouted, on the floor. 

“It’s exactly what you think it is.” James said.

“It’s not even out yet.” Timothy was completely mesmerized.

“I know. I’m the best.” James put his arms around Timothy’s waist. “I was going to set it up before you got back but I was interrupted.” James glared at the kids. 

“If you’d opened that up without me getting to hear you go on and on about the latest advancements in gaming I would've divorced you.” Timothy kissed James on the cheek.

“You should divorce anyway.” Timmy said in between bites. The crumbs fell onto the wooden floor. 

“Overruled.” Timothy smiled. They began kissing again. 

Jimmy ripped his gaze away from them. Maybe Dictator Libby wasn’t the bad future. Maybe this was the bad future. “Alright. That’s enough.” Timmy stood up. “Cosmo and Wanda, I wish we were back in Jimmy’s lab in our own time!”

---

When they got back to the lab they stood in silence. There was a lot to unpack.

"So, we get married in the future." Timmy started off, breaking the awkward silence.  

"Don't remind me.” Jimmy held his head in his hands. “This is somehow worse than that future where I was married to Cindy."

"Hey! I don't exactly want to get married to you either, calling you Handsome and Sweetbuns." Timmy shivered.

Jimmy covered his ears. "Please stop talking!"

"I can't stop thinking about it!"

"Neither can I!"

"Agh."

"Aghggh!"

They glared at each other. 

Jimmy could never and would never fall in love with Timmy Turner. He simply refused it. 

It was still impossible to wrap his head around it. This was coming from a boy genius who could understand anything.

How could their lives ever lead to marriage? They could barely agree in the present. It made no logical sense. It made less than no sense. It made negative sense.

Wanda and Cosmo transformed back into their default fairy forms. 

“Oh come on, marriage isn't the worst thing in the world. Right sweetie?” She smiled at her husband.

“Marrying Wanda was one of the best decisions I ever made,” Cosmo simpered. 

“Aww,” Wanda cooed.

"It might work out for you two, but for Timmy and I marriage is completely illogical. I cannot believe my future self not only entertained the idea but went forward with it. At least in a heterosexual-"

"Pfft.” Timmy interrupted. “You said sex." 

Cosmo giggled along with Timmy.

“Oh stop it you two,” Wanda said and they stopped.

Jimmy rolled his eyes, "In a male-female relationship there is at least the possibility of bearing offspring."

"Offspring?" Timmy titled his head.

"A baby." Jimmy explained.

"Oh. Yeah no, I can't have a baby.” 

"I can!" Cosmo chimed in. 

Jimmy and Timmy stared at him. Apparently this was also new news to Timmy. It only adds to the theory that perhaps Turner got the holograms from somewhere else. 

Wanda only nodded in confirmation. 

"I'm not addressing that. In a homo-" Jimmy groaned. "A male-male relationship, I could see the potential benefits-"

"See, that's why you're gay in the future." Timmy said. 

"WE ARE BOTH GAY IN THE FUTURE!" Jimmy, honest to God, wanted to lunge at Turner.  

"Lalalalala!" Timmy covered his ears. "Cosmo, Wanda, I wish I couldn't hear Jimmy."

The two holograms did as they were told. They raised their wands, and beams of light with a shower of little sparkles fell from them.

One day Jimmy was going to pop Turner like a balloon. Preferably before their wedding. Scratch that, their wedding day would never happen because Turner would be dead. 

"Real mature, Turner." Jimmy shook his head and crossed his arms. “Can you tell him that I said we need to talk about this?”

“Jimmy says he thinks you should still talk to him.” Cosmo said.

“Nope.” Timmy turned away from Jimmy.  “I’m going to ignore him for the rest of my life.” 

“Timmy says-”

 “I can still hear him Cosmo.” Jimmy cut him off. Cosmo frowned. The hologram was only trying to help. “Thank you though.”

“Timmy, you can't ignore Jimmy forever.” Wanda said.

“Yes, I can.” Timmy crossed his arms. “Watch me.” 

Jimmy walked in front of him, “You’re still in my lab!”

Timmy closed his eyes and turned in another direction.

Jimmy groaned, “I can’t believe my future self would ever agree to marrying you!”

“Jokes on you, Fudgehead. I can't even hear you.” Timmy stuck his tongue out at Jimmy.

Jimmy started violently shaking Turner.

Wanda pointed her wand at Jimmy and dragged him to the other side of the lab.

“Aw, I hate seeing couples fight.” Cosmo said.

“We’re not a couple!” The two kids shouted. 

“Oh no, they’re divorcing.” Cosmo grabbed his wife in fear. “Wanda, we have to fix this.” He shook her.

“They aren't even married yet!” Wanda pushed Cosmo off of her. She looked back at the two boys in front of her. “Err- Will be? Time travel is tricky.”

“I do not want to get married. No way, especially not to peanut skull over there.” Timmy said.

There had to be a way to get out of this situation. He just needed to think, think, t h i n k.

Brain blast. 

“What if we just forget?” Jimmy thought aloud to himself. He started grabbing materials to make a device to forget.

“Forget? Uh, are you sure that’s a good idea kiddo?” Wanda asked.

“I’m very forgetful. I forgot where I put my lawn gnome the other day.” Cosmo said. 

Jimmy spread out the materials and started working on the device, “If we forget then we can live without the burden of knowing our future selves fates.” 

“Wait, what is Jimmy doing?” Timmy looked back and forth between the three of them. “I wish I could hear Jimmy again.” 

Cosmo and Wanda raised their wands. The “wish” came true.

“You’ve finally come to your senses.” Jimmy said flatly.

“What were you saying before?” Timmy asked.

“We clearly don't like knowing we’re married, so let’s change that.” Jimmy started putting the pieces together. “I can build an amnesia ray-” “I saw one back over there.” Timmy pointed in a random direction with a strange amount of conviction. 

“I don’t remember building such a thing.” Jimmy scratched his head, putting down the pieces. “Of course you wouldn’t remember. It’s an amnesia ray. Duh.” Cosmo said.

He almost hated how much that made sense.

“Well, let’s grab it and forget this awful day.” Jimmy saud.

“Wait!” Timmy tackled him. 

“What in the name of Einstein are you doing?” Jimmy tried to glare at Turner but that proved futile. All he could do was kick and punch the air and floor. 

Timmy sat on the genius’ back, “You’re trying to entrap me in a marriage.”

“Excuse me?” Jimmy stopped.

“I know a loophole when I see one. If we forget, then we get married. If we remember, then we won't get married. You want us to get married.”

Jimmy’s jaw dropped. “What?” Darn it, he did not think of it that way. “I don’t want us to get married at all!” 

Timmy narrowed his eyes. “I’m onto your games, Neutron.” 

“That’s enough.” Wanda pointed her wand at the boys and pushed them to opposite sides of the lab. “You two are acting ridiculous. One, marriage isn’t something that just happens. It’s a commitment. One you make every single day. That type of love comes once in a lifetime for humans. Your future selves were deeply in love. They experienced things you’ve yet to, their decision may not make sense now but who’s to say it won’t later down the line?”

“Yuck.” Timmy made a face.

“Absolutely not.” Jimmy folded his arms defiantly.

“Which brings me to point number two, you two are children.” Wanda reminded them.

“So don’t worry so much about marriage.” Cosmo chirped.

“It’s been a long day.” Jimmy yawned. “Maybe we shouldn’t act with such haste.”

“I guess you guys are right. It’s been a crazy day. I wish we could just forget this ever happened.” Timmy sighed.

Jimmy’s eyes widened. “Turner-”

“Wait!” Timmy yelled.

Cosmo’s wand flashed.

---

It was one of those rare days where it was quiet in the lab. Jimmy worked on some projects that he had been avoiding. Carl and Sheen were both independently busy. The multiverse was quiet, well... Aside from one boy with gigantic teeth.

"Jimmy, I'm bored." Timmy Turner said.

"And that is my problem because...?" Jimmy asked as he screwed in a piece for his working prototype for a new communication device.

"Because- Woah!"

Jimmy turned around. It was him but taller? Him as an adult.

Future Jimmy shot a laser at Chrono Arch. It exploded into nothingness.

"What are you doing?" Jimmy ran over to the newly destroyed portal.

"You two keep going into the future, get freaked out, decide to forget, go back into the future, get freaked out- It's annoying. Cute the first few times, but I'm at my limit." Future Jimmy threw a small box towards Timmy. "Have fun."

Timmy caught the box, "Decimator 2: Destiny's Revenge. Cool! This isn't even out yet." 

"He's so easily entertained." Future Jimmy said, with a slight fondness.

"Do you remember the last time he had a copy of Decimator?" Jimmy glared at his future self, trying to get a hold of Timmy but he already ran away to cause chaos.

"Of course I do, you can handle it. You always do." Future Jimmy ruffled his hair. 

"Hey!" Jimmy tried to fix his hair.

"Take care. Don't try to kill each other." Future him punched something onto his wrist device. They made eye contact. “I shouldn't say anything but, good luck. I promise it will be worth the wait.”

“What’s worth the wait?” Jimmy asked.

Future Jimmy only glanced at Timmy. 

Before Jimmy could ask what he meant but his future self already left. 

“Uh… Jimmy. I think I broke something.” Timmy held up the broken prototype Jimmy was working on not even three minutes ago.

Oh. 

Oh, a thousand deaths for Timmy Turner. His future self was definitely talking about planning the perfect method to get rid of one of the most idiotic children he ever had to meet. That had to be it. There was no other logical explanation. Turner’s death would be wonderful and it would be worth the wait.

[ros3ybabe]

Daily Check-in: April 20, 2024 🎀

No update for Friday as all I did was go to class then go to work, come home, and sleep. But Saturday was a very good day and I feel as tho I did a good amount of things! And I feel good about the thing I did! <3

🩷 What I Accomplished:

woke up early before work (didn't hit my alarm three times and wake up tired, like I've been doing)

worked a ~7hour shift

agreed to cover a coworkers morning shift on Sunday 4/21

created a budget/ work plan for next semester to see how much I can make vs what most of my spending will look like

made an appointment to get a tattoo at the beginning of May (it's a tattoo to honor my dad and my late mother, who will have been gone 10 years this year. I wanted to honor my dad with the tattoo as well because he has been an amazing parent for the last 10 years, and I love and appreciate him so much)

booked an intro class at club pilates for mid-may (finally going to see if I enjoy it, and if so, will continue taking classes next semester!)

did a morning yoga workout

reflected on why I've been having a hard time sticking to my goals/daily tasks lately

washed my laundry (didn't put away tho)

💞 Good Things That Happened:

my friend gave me a ride to work

my favorite supervisor gave me a ride home from work

ate some spicy cheesey ramen

had a really good day at work

was able to request a day off work for beginning of May

got told my tattoo won't cost as much as I had thought

talked more with my roommates

💔 What Could've Gone Better:

drank too much coffee, and too late at night

had a near panic attack because of the coffee and cried myself to sleep

didn't zoom with my boyfriend because of how bad the coffee made me feel

lost trust with a different supervisor that I had thought was cool with me ( made me realize you can't trust most men to keep their word nowadays. not all men. just the men where I live at least.)

didn't study anything or do anything I felt was productive

💗 Stuff For Sunday:

work a shift

clean bathroom

wash pillowcases and towels

dust bedroom

practice some past chemistry homework problems

pick up medication from pharmacy after work

draw up rough sketch of tattoo idea

morning yoga?? we shall see

DONT drink too much caffiene

til next time lovelies 🩷

p.s Check Out My Depop shop!

💕 Song of The Day: Pied Piper - BTS

this song has been making me feel the same way that House of Cards has, which is saying a lot. I love this song so much right now.

[ramblingoak]

Imagine sleeping on Brizios stomach while next to a crackling little fire that keeps you warm as the stars above you twirl and dance, the sand being carried through the wind in the middle of the Desert of Nothingness. Nothing can harm you because it chooses not to. You are just there. To just be. To live and to sleep and to hear your own voice echo through the miles you’ve walked in the boots you bought with your own money.

Sleep and be forever rested, friend.

Thank you so much my friend! This was so sweet to send me. But it also got me thinking about Copia before The Cardinal's Bride begins...

The Cardinal’s Bride Prelude

~ Copia needs to escape for a bit and enjoy a few calm nights on his own before he has to leave and go after Saltarian's fiancé ~

He needed to get away.

Copia has started to feel cooped up at The Ministry.  Too many people, too much noise.  He hasn’t been sleeping very well.  The nightmare about the night his life changed keeping him up more than usual.  So early one morning he packs up his bags, enough supplies to last him a few days.  He needs to get away, needs to be on his own.  Even his Ghouls are too much to be around at the moment.

All he needs is Brizio and the stars shining above him.

It takes him almost a day before he finds a spot he likes.  He picks a somewhere close to a river, watches Brizio as he wanders over and takes a drink.  Everything else is routine, actions he’s done hundreds of times over the years now.  He gets his little camp set up quickly.  A small dinner cooked over a fire and a few apples held out for his companion.  

Copia sighs and lays back on his bedroll in the grass. Brizio starts to root around in the saddlebags Copia dumped on the ground, probably hoping for one more apple. It isn't long before he gives up, snorting in disgust at his lack of treats and probably glaring over at his master. Copia smiles, his eyes staying on the stars. Brizio was predictable but the horse probably felt the same way about him.

He let his eyes close briefly, clearing his mind of everything else but right here, right now. Copia didn't want to think about his brothers. He didn't want to think about Saltarian and revenge. There was a brief flash of a girl in his mind. Of a pretty face and a soft smile. He reached into his pocket and fingered the folded up piece of paper he had stuffed in there. A sketch of a woman he would be seeing in person soon, as long as everything went to plan. Brizio snorting directly into his face interrupted his thoughts and he laughed as he shoved the horse's snout away.

"You're right, now's not the time to be thinking about pretty city girls." Copia watched as Brizio lowered himself to the ground. The both of them grunted as they moved around, Brizio finally just laying on his side and Copia leaning back against his stomach. "We should enjoy the quiet while we can, eh?"

Life would definitely be interesting in the coming weeks. All his work over the last ten years finally coming together. The notice in the paper gave him the perfect opportunity to finish things once and for all. It wasn't going to be easy dealing with Saltarian's fiancé for a few weeks, but it would be worth it to finally get the revenge he'd desired for so long. After it was done he would just send the girl back home.

"What do you think Briz? You think this girl will have had enough of cowboys and outlaws by the time we're done with her?" Brizio's only answer was a heavy sigh and Copia found himself smiling again. "You're right, she'll be begging to go home."

An old outlaw like him didn't have room in his life for a city girl anyway.

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[middleearthpixie]

Better Days ~ Chapter Nineteen

A/N: If you or a loved one is in crisis, or experiencing suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation, help is available 24/7/365. Call or text the Suicide Crisis Lifeline at 988 or visit their website at www.988lifeline.org. 

Summary: Frerin Durin had the perfect life, until he found out his wife was cheating on him. Now, he’s navigating uncharted territory as an about-to-be divorced single dad. Dating is a mess, he’s dealing with the fallout where his kids are concerned, and really, he would just love a vacation away from all of it. 

Elena Madison is new to Sidleburg, and also navigating life as a newly single parent. The last thing she needed was for her daughter to come down sick, when she hasn’t even had time to unpack the moving boxes, never mind find a pediatrician. And the last thing she ever expected was to meet a man like Dr. Frerin Durin…

Neither Elena nor Frerin were looking for anything, but fate has a way of messing up even the best laid plans. However, both have been hurt and both aren't at all sure they trust themselves, never mind trusting someone else...

Pairings:  Modern!Frerin x ofc Elena Madison

Warnings: Spontaneous kitchen sex, attempted suicide

Rating: M

Word Count: 3.2k

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Previous chapters can be found here. 

Elena rubbed her eyes as she waited for the Keurig to brew her much-needed coffee. Alyssa had called her near midnight and it was almost two by the time she got off the phone. Although she enjoyed being at her grandparents’ house, Alyssa was homesick and thought she was getting sick again and it took Elena that long to get her to take a wait and see approach to how she felt and reminded her that there were doctors in Florida if she needed one. 

She’d originally planned to go to the gym, but when the alarm went off at seven, she turned it off and promptly fell back asleep, only to wake up an hour and a half later groggy as anything. And that was why the coffee was so desperately needed.

She was halfway through that cup when the doorbell rang. With a low sigh, she rose from her chair, padded into the living, to the front door and when she peered through the peephole, she was shocked to see Frerin on the other side.

She unlocked the door and pulled it open. “Frerin, what’re you doing here?”

He offered up a smile that was beyond tired and she tried not to notice the purplish smudges shadowing his eyes. “I just got off work and I wanted to see you.”

“You should just go home and get some sleep.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, then rubbed his face with both hands, “I probably should, and I will eventually. But, I know you’re pissed at me and I don't blame you, and that’s why I’m here.”

“I’m not pissed.”

“Really?” He lowered both hands. “Because you haven’t asked me in yet.”

“You’re not the only one who had a long night.” She stepped back. “Come on in. No offense, but you look dead on your feet.”

“I just got out of surgery.”

“Surgery?” Elena closed the door as he stepped into the apartment. “Since when are you a surgeon?”

“I’m not.” He shrugged out of his jacket to drape it across the back of the armchair. “I was keeping a twelve year old with an ectopic pregnancy company.”

“What?”

“Yeah.” He followed her into the kitchen and gestured to the Keurig. “Mind if I steal a cup?”

“No, not at all.”

“Thanks.” 

She returned to her chair as he stumbled over to the counter to brew himself a cup. “A pregnant twelve year old?”

“Yep. Her dad died at Sidleburg a few months ago and she and her mother were terrified, so when she asked me to stay with her, I did.”

“You’re allowed to do that?”

“The doc doing her surgery is a friend as well. We were in med school together. Reese was pissed, but he’ll get over it.” Frerin turned toward her, leaning back against the counter as he lifted the cup to his lips. “And even if he doesn’t, I don't give a shit.”

It didn't surprise her in the least, that he’d chosen to stay with a frightened child and risk the wrath of his boss. In the short time they’d been seeing each other, that they’d known each other, really, Elena had seen how he cared about his patients, and his job as well. “I’m sure it meant a lot to the little girl.”

“Yeah. Well, I like kids. It’s why I went into Pediatrics to begin with.” He lowered the cup and met her stare. “And I’m sorry I stood you up again. You should only know how much I wanted to tell Reese to go to hell.”

Thinking of the lingerie she had tucked away in her underwear drawer, Elena smiled. “Not nearly as much as I wanted you to.”

“I swear, I will make it up to you.”

“Frerin—”

“No, I will.” He set the cup on the counter. “I don't know when, but I will.”

Elena rose once more, moving over to stand before him. “You can’t promise it, Frerin. We both know the odds of you being pulled in to work a double shift are far too great.”

He let out a low sigh. “Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of.”

“So, why don't you go home and get some sleep? You look almost dead on your feet.”

“I don't want to sleep and if I push through, I’ll sleep tonight instead of totally screwing up my system by going to sleep now.” 

With that, he reached for her hand and gave a gentle tug to draw her up against his chest. He bent to her, his lips warm and soft as they caught hers and when they met, Elena slid her hand up along his neck to tug him closer still. 

That was all it took. Fire met kindling and as his tongue met hers, her fingers went to the top of his button-down and as nimble as anything, flew down the column of buttons, then tugged the wrinkled cotton from his shoulders while he just as hurriedly swept her tank top over her head.

 Her head fell back, her skin prickling from his beard as he swept a hot kiss along her neck, and down into the valley between her breasts. There was nothing slow or teasing about those hot lips, and he wasn't at all gentle when they closed about her beaded left nipple to suck hard at it, and that was just fine with her. He caught it between his teeth, flicked the tip of his tongue over it, and she couldn’t hold back her gasp, knots already twisting deep within her core. 

His hands curved about her ass, cupping her cheeks to pull her hard against him and when he thrust against her, the firm ridge of his erection ground into her mound, the damp heat between her thighs erupting almost at once at the sensation. Almost of their own volition, her fingers caught his belt, tugged to unbuckle it, and as he caught her tongue to draw into his mouth, she unbuttoned his trousers, slid her hand into the dark heat of his boxer briefs, and when her fingers curled about his cock, he exhaled hard into her mouth and shuddered against her. 

She slipped her fingertip over his slit, caught the silky fluid bubbled there to stroke it along his heated, veined length, then wrapped him in her hand to offer up a slow, teasing stroke that had him moaning into her mouth now. 

With each stroke, he met her, and in response, he slipped a hand into her sleep shorts, into her heat, and when those thick fingers slid through her dampness, through her slick, it was her turn to moan into his mouth. A shower of tingles rained over her at his touch, at the sensations he sent rocketing through her. 

He played with her, his fingertips teasing as they moved along her aching, damp flesh, dragged his thumb roughly over her clit to sent a jet to fire streaking through her. She gasped, that gasp becoming a moan as he then circled her clit with a slow, teasing stroke. Her body hummed from the pleasure thrumming through her, her desire for him growing into a ravenous hunger, that had her digging her fingernails into his shoulder, tightening her grip on his cock, as he teased her and tortured her in the most sensual way possible. 

She shivered with each lazy circle, with each rough sweep over her clit, her head spinning like crazy and her entire body begging to have him inside her. Her fingers teased along his shaft, swept lightly along the ridge, back to his slit and toward his body once more.

He thrust a finger inside her. Fire burst through her, her body tightening about him a little more with each slow stroke. Her body hummed with pleasure, hot and sweet, and his kisses grew hungrier with each thrust. She rocked to meet him, that humming growing even stronger as he crooked the finger inside her and stroked over the sweetest, most sensitive part of her body.

She clamped down on him, her back arching as the knots erupted and tingling white hot bliss flooded her body. He teased her with that finger, tortured her in the sweetest way possible as she rolled her hips to meet him, his name a breathless cry on her lips. 

“Fre-Frerin… oh… God…” Her moan rolled through the kitchen, her orgasm hard and sharp and making her head spin like crazy as fire flooded her.

He slid his finger free, but before she could protest, he lifted her onto the counter, crouched down to fish his wallet from his trousers with a sheepish smile. The smile made sense and made her smile as well as he fished a condom from it. “I was optimistic.”

“You are wise, Dr Durin.”

His smile went from sheepish to sinful as he tore open the packet and unrolled the condom over himself. She shivered at the fire in his eyes, the promise in his smile, as he pushed between her thighs, and a moment later, he breached her and offered up a powerful thrust. Then another. And another. He surged hard. He thrust deep. His moan mingled with hers as she wrapped her legs about his hips and rocked to meet him, a second orgasm building as the dark, coarse curls at the base of his cock ground hard against her already too-sensitive clit to offer up a delicious sensation that was half-pleasure, half-pain and had her melting all around him as he pumped into her. 

The kitchen grew hotter by the moment a fine mist of sweat rising along Frerin’s back as she dug her fingernails into his slick skin and surrendered to the moment. The knots were back, tighter and hotter than ever, and her throat felt raw from her cries but she couldn't hold them back. Each thrust fired her desire hotter still, fed her arousal, her need to come yet again and as she reached the summit, Frerin growled low in his throat, “Squeeze me, baby… squeeze my cock… just like that… oh, yes… oh, baby.. oh, holy fuck, Elena, yes… yes!”

He thrust hard, arched deep, and she clung to him as his released triggered hers and they came together, his pleasure feeding of hers, her body devouring his. She dragged her fingernails across his back as she shuddered and pulsed about him, as she tightened her thighs, to pull him deeper still. Her head spun. Her heart threatened to erupt from her chest. Stars burst before her eyes as he surged one last time, then sank against her, his body trembling as he whispered, “Oh… holy fuck… Elena…”

He wasn't the only one trembling. Black dots danced before her eyes as she clung to him, the pleasure swirling through her still so hot and sweet. She couldn’t breathe. Didn't trust herself to speak. She just wrapped her arms about his neck and pressed her cheek into his soft hair, whispering, “Oh, my God…”

A soft laugh brushed her shoulder, followed by an even softer kiss and he murmured, “I love you…”

The spinning in her head subsided, her vision cleared, and when he drew back and she met his blue eyed gaze, she whispered, “What?”

A hint of a sheepish smile came to his lips. “Yeah… I didn't mean to blurt it out like that, but… damn… Elena, I do.”

Her stomach fluttered at the low purr of his voice, and the soft heat in his eyes, and the aftershocks of her orgasm still rippled through her as she whispered, “Frerin… I—”

“It’s okay if you don't love me back,” he broke in gently. “I know it’s kind of sudden and I’m kind of a mess of a man, but—”

It was her turn to cut him off and she did so by gently pressing her hand to his lips. “Hush.”

The outer corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled and nodded and she lowered her hand to say, “And you are only a little bit of a mess, you know. But, you’re also in the middle of a divorce, so, are you sure that’s not just the post-fuck euphoria speaking?”

“It could be,” he admitted with a nod, stepping over to the trash can, and then coming back to her, pausing only to reach for the towel on the kitchen table. “But, I don't think so. I think about you all the time, Lena. When I’m with you, the time just flies by, and when I’m not, it drags. I want you to meet my kids.”

Her heart skipped a beat at the seriousness in his voice and she met his serious blue-gray eyes. “Frerin, are you sure? I mean, we haven’t been seeing each other all that long.”

“I know. That’s my one hesitation.” He eased his boxer briefs and trousers back up and fastened them. “I’ve proven I’m not that great at relationships, either. I got married when I probably shouldn’t have and stayed married long after we should have split up. And I—”

A hint of color swept along his cheekbones and she waited for him to continue. When he didn't, her stomach gave an odd lurch. “Frerin?”

“Toni wasn't the only one cheating. I had an affair after I found out about her and the kid. It was short and purely physical, but… I did it. I’m not proud of it, but I have to be honest with you.”

Elena swallowed hard as she carefully eased down from the counter. “With someone you work with?”

He nodded. “Yeah. She is one of the hospital social workers. I met her when I called her down for a consult and bumped into her a few days later at my brother’s bar. Next thing I knew… well… it was only that once, but I felt like such a shit over it. The neighbor kid had been going balls deep into my wife for months at that point, so I thought what was good for the goose and all.”

Elena stepped into her shorts to pull them up. “So it was only that one time?”

“Yeah. I was pissed off at Toni and envious of my brother, because he and his then-girlfriend, now-wife had just gotten together and I thought the world owed me. It was a waste of time, though, because once it was over? I hated myself for it. But, Lena, I swear to you, I don't normally fuck around and I will not fuck around on you. And I—I don't know where this is going to go, and I don't know if you’re seeing any other guys, but I’m not seeing anyone else and I don't want to see anyone else.”

Elena’s tank top skimmed softly along her as it fluttered down. “I’m not seeing anyone else, either, Frerin. And I don't really want to, but…”

“But…” He caught her hands in his. “But what?”

“But… you’re still in the middle of what sounds like a messy divorce, Frerin. And I guess I’m a little gun-shy myself. My ex-husband was a serial cheater and—”

“I’m not a cheater, Elena. In twenty years with Toni, it was one time. I swear to you, it isn’t something I make a habit of.” 

With that, he stepped up to her, catching her face in his hands, and she bit back a sigh as his thumbs swept lightly along her cheeks. “I promise you, honey, I am not going to fuck around on you. And it’s not post-fuck euphoria, either. I love you.”

She wanted to believe him. She so wanted to believe him and in her heart of hearts, she did, but at the same time, she couldn’t help her hesitation. 

His eyes softened. “Elena, you can trust me. I swear to you, I am not going to hurt you. And if you want to slow it down, or throw me out of here, I won’t stop you, but I’m hoping you won’t.” A hint of a smile played at the corners of his mouth. “Because I have to admit, sex with you is the best sex I’ve ever had and I really hate to give that up.”

She stared at him for a long moment, but then she smiled. “Are you serious?”

“I am dead serious, Lena. I mean, about all of it, but definitely about the sex.”

“Frerin!”

He slid his arms about her waist and lifted her to meet his gaze. “Sex with you is amazing, honey. No sane man would want to give it up.”

“You are terrible, do you know that?”

“I’m tired and not in my right mind.”

“So, then you don't love me?”

“Oh, no, I meant that.”

She curled her legs about his waist. “How do I know that?”

He offered up a sinful—if tired—smile. “I’ll find some way to prove it to you.”

“You asleep?”

Elena smiled as Frerin nuzzled her, her eyes heavy lidded and her entire body gone to mush. “Not yet, no. I’m just very cozy.”

He lifted his head. “Cozy, eh? Cozy is good.”

“Cozy is wonderful.” She trailed a fingertip lightly along his bearded cheek. Her body still tingled from his attentions. “I am a lucky girl…”

He shifted to stretch out alongside her, and she sighed softly, curving up against him to rest her head against his chest. “You should get some sleep,” she murmured, slipping her fingers through the dark gold hair sprinkled across his chest. “You’ve had a long day.”

“Yeah. I know.”

His fingers moved slowly along her hair, then down over her shoulder and along her arm. Little by little, they slowed and his breathing slowed as well. Rising slightly to gaze down at him, she whispered, “Frerin?”

“Mmmm?”

“I love you, too.”

He didn't open his eyes, but he did smile. “I knew it.”

His arm tightened about her and he pressed a kiss into the top of her head when she settled back alongside him. With a soft sigh of contentment, Elena let her eyes close and drifted off to sleep in Frerin’s arms. 

****

The buzzing of a cell phone roused Elena from sleep and she lifted her head to see Frerin’s phone dancing across her bedside table. “Frerin? It’s yours.”

He sat up. “What? Who?” 

“Your phone.”

Rubbing his eyes with one hand, he grabbed the skittering phone with his other and brought it up to his face. “”What is it, Toni?”

Elena came more awake at his growl, smiling when he said, “Yeah, it’s kind of a bad time. What is it?” A brief pause, then an incredulous, “What? When? Yeah… I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

With that, he tossed the phone down and bolted up from the bed to snatch his pants and briefs from the chair in the corner. He practically jumped into them. “I’ve got to go, Elena.”

She sat up. “Why? What happened?”

He looked up, the blood drained from his face and what could only be described as fear in his eyes. “It’s Jake… my youngest… Toni’s in the ER with him. He… uh… he tried to hurt himself.”

Her stomach kinked. “What?”

“Yeah. He—uh—look, I’ll call you when I can, okay?”

She jumped up from the bed. “Why don’t you let me drive you, Frerin?”

“I’m fine. I just… I have to go.”

“Yeah, okay. Call me when you get a moment.”

“I will.” He tugged his shirt over his shoulders, snatched up his shoes, brushed her lips with a kiss and then was gone. A moment later, her front door slammed and an eerie silence filled the apartment. 

[reigningqueenofwords]

Adorable

Pairing: past Steve x Tony, Clint x Nat, Bucky x Steve Warnings: Dry humping

Part 8 of Housemates

The next day, Bucky was there as soon as visiting hours started, a little gift in hand. He was happy to see Steve sitting up and looking a lot better. “Hey, handsome.” He said brightly. “You’re looking better.” 

Steve blushed at that. “Feeling a lot better. Especially now that you’re here.” 

“I brought you something.” Bucky sat on the side of the bed. “I went to the actual store because the gift shop always has lame stuff.” 

Steve chuckled. “You didn’t have to. I’m almost back to normal.” He smiled. “But thank you.” He added as he took the small bag. He pulled out a little sketch pad and some drawing pencils. “Wow, this is nice. I always need these.” He beamed. “Thank you.”

“Figured you may wanna sketch until I can bring you home.” 

“Can’t wait to go home.” He nodded. “Will you play with my hair again?”l He asked shyly.  “It feels nice and makes me sleepy.” He admitted. 

Bucky smiled. “Sure.” He thought he meant right now and moved up to the top of the bed. He got comfortable and started to play with Steve’s hair. 

Steve blushed brightly. “Oh, this works.” He leaned into him. 

“Glad you’re a normal temp today.” Bucky chuckled. “You we’re burning up yesterday.” 

“You could just say I was hot.” He teased. 

Bucky grinned. “Missed opportunity.” He liked this flirty side of Steve. “Your room is all ready for you to come home. Fresh bedding and the bathroom closest to you is clean.” He told him. 

“Thank you.” He said softly. “I’ve never had someone do all this for me.” He said honestly. 

“Nat said you get the stomach flu once a year. Stark never helped?” Bucky didn’t like that. 

“He cared but he wasn’t hands on.” Steve admitted. “He’d text me every few minutes from work and would send food.” He shrugged. “I would just sleep in a spare room because I didn’t wanna get him sick.” 

Bucky frowned. “Do you prefer that? I know I can be too much.” 

“I don’t think I prefer it, but after three years, that’s what I’m used to.” He shrugged. 

Bucky shook his head and continued playing with his hair. He’d take care of Steve as long as he’d let him. “Movie when we get home?” He suggested. 

“Buck, you need rest too.” Steve sighed, even though a movie just like this would be so nice. He enjoyed being close to him. 

“I got some sleep last night.” He promised him. “And how straining can relaxing while watching a movie with you be?” He teased. 

“I dunno.” Steve hummed. “I’m still all gross.” He moved away a little. 

Bucky rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “You’re not gross.” He pulled him back gently. “I can run you a bath when we get home.” He offered. “That might help you, too.” 

The blonde huffed and allowed himself to lean against him. 

That weekend, Steve was back to himself, but couldn’t bring himself to stop leaning into Bucky. “Still tired, Stevie?” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck gently as they sat on the couch. “What would you like for lunch?” 

He blushed. “No, just comfortable.” He sat up with a chuckle. “But how about I make us some BLT’s?” 

“Okay.” Bucky smiled. “We can relax outside after?” He offered. “And Nat and Clint will be here tomorrow, so I’ll probably run to the store later if there’s anything you want to add to the shopping list.” 

“Right.” It had slipped his mind. He wasn’t really sure where him and Bucky stood and hoped Nat wouldn’t ask. Or that Clint wouldn’t be...Clint. “I can go with you? See if anything catches my eye? I’ve been in the house since I got out of the hospital.” 

“Sure.” Bucky nodded. “Get you some fresh air.” He smiled. “Sounds like a plan.”

Steve nodded and went to make lunch for them, thinking of what to make for tomorrow. He knew that Bucky liked plums, so maybe he’d find some kind of plum dessert. 

“If they want to sleep over, the couch pulls out.” Bucky informed him. “So if we drink they don’t have to worry about getting home.”  

“Okay.” He smiled at him. “Perfect. We’re probably grilling right?” 

Bucky nodded. He liked when Steve grilled. “Burgers, hot dogs, all that.” 

“Can’t wait.” Steve nodded. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen them. And now we can all hang out.” He said brightly. The last time they planned to hang out Clint got called into work. “I’m gonna look up a dessert recipe to try before we head to the store.” He told Bucky as he handed him his plate. 

“Thanks.” He beamed. “I’ll look up grilling stuff and dip ideas.” 

They worked well as a team and by the time Nat and Clint showed up the next day, they had an entire spread going. Nat came in, bags in hand. “I brought stuff for some mixed drinks.” She smirked.  

“Oh, I’ll help.” Bucky grinned, going to pull out their glasses. 

Clint grinned at Steve, wiggling his eyebrows. “So, enjoying life here?” He teased.

“I am, yeah. Bucky’s a great housemate.” Steve said casually. “Neighborhood is nice, I’m close to work…” He shrugged, starting to prep some burgers to grill. 

“Mhm.” Clint chuckled. “I’m sure he’s great.” He patted his back as Bucky came out and set the glasses down.

“Nat said this one is sweeter for you.” Bucky handed one to Steve. “She knows how you like your drinks.”

Steve took a sip and knew it meant she just poured it heavy. “Thanks, Buck.” He smiled. “Thanks, Nat.” He looked over to her, earning a wink from her. He blushed and focused on cooking. 

Clint put some music on. “This is nice!” He grinned. He got comfortable in a chair. “We should visit more often.”

“Won’t argue there.” Bucky chuckled. He refilled the drinks once it was time to eat. It was a nice day out, so he figured they’d spend most of the time out there. Nat connected the sprinklers after the meal and everyone changed down to bathing suits. Not that anyone complained about seeing the others like that.��

They were on their fourth drinks when Steve made it more obvious he was watching Bucky. “Buck, want me to get you more dessert?” He gently tugged at his arm. “It’s plum.” He reminded him. “I know you like plums, so I made sure to make it.” 

Bucky grinned at him. “Before bed? I love your desserts.” 

Steve beamed, looking like a happy puppy. “Works for me.” He agreed, finishing off his glass. Nat came over to talk with Bucky and sat half on his lap to whisper into his ear. The brunette laughed and Steve pouted. Looking away, he got up to make another drink. He wanted to sit on Bucky’s lap or the other way around. He felt Nat should be on Clint’s lap. 

“Refill?” Clint came up behind him. “This stuff she gets is good.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I came over for.” He chuckled lightly. 

“Sweet.” Clint refilled them both. “Might as well take some to them.” 

“That doesn’t bug you?” Steve asked, motioning to them. “Her being on him?” 

Clint blinked. “No.” He shrugged. “They’re close friends.” He grinned suddenly. “Oh, you’re jealous.” He nudged him. “I’m sure you could sit on him and he’d really like that.” He encouraged. “Or pull him on yours.” He suggested. “I think he’d like either.” 

Steve’s cheeks were a dark pink between the alcohol and the images in his head. “Maybe.” He cleared his throat and they went back over to them. 

“Thank you!” Nat smiled and stood. She kissed Steve’s cheek. “You’re adorable when you get all rosy.” She told him. “Isn’t he, Bucky?” She looked over at him.

Bucky was already looking at Steve and nodded. “Very adorable.” He winked at him.  

He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes going from Bucky’s face to his lap. The brunette sat back as if inviting. He fixed his shorts slightly, hoping Steve would take the hint. Steve glanced at Clint who nodded. Swallowing, he tried to seem casual as he carefully went over and sat. He was used to being close to Bucky, but this was the closest they’d been. 

Bucky grinned and rested his hand on Steve’s thigh as Clint started telling one of his stories. He was really enjoying Steve sitting on his lap, and hoped that it happened more often. Neither him or Steve paid much attention to what Clint was saying. 

Steve leaned back and rested his head against Bucky’s shoulder, hand sliding to Bucky’s and intertwining their fingers. He smiled as Bucky gave his hand a small squeeze. They stayed like that until Nat pulled them up to dance. Anyone who would glance to their yard probably would have a laugh as no one was coordinated at this point. Steve did his best to keep Bucky close, making even less coordinated. 

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. He pulled Steve’s hips close to his. “Better?” He asked, his voice low. 

“Much.” He grinned. 

Bucky saw their friends kissing out of the corner of his eye and grew brave enough to try and kiss Steve. It took a moment before the shock wore off and Steve kissed back. The kiss was instantly heated and they stumbled onto the grass. Luckily it was dark enough at this point. Bucky rested himself against Steve, smiling into it.

Steve ran a hand through his hair and whined. “Grow it out again?” He asked, licking his lips. “Bet it was great to tug, and it was so hot.” 

Bucky nodded quickly. “I’ll do anything you want.” He kissed his jaw. 

“We’re taking your bed!” Nat told Bucky as Clint was carrying her inside. 

“Which one?” Steve asked, laughing. 

“Yours!” She said before they were completely inside. 

“So, head inside to my room since yours is occupied?” Bucky asked. 

“Want me to carry you, too?” Steve ran his hand down his back. “I like holding you.” He pecked his lips. 

Bucky chuckled. “I think we’ll barely make it up as it is.” He stood and tugged his hand to stand. “You can hold me once we’re in bed.” He promised. “And even when we’re not. Hold me whenever you want, Stevie.”

Steve groaned and gave him a deep kiss. “Can’t get enough of you, Buck.” He rested his forehead against his. 

Bucky beamed at him. “That’s okay. I’m offering everything I have.” He kissed him. “Can we go make out?” He asked, really wanting to get back to kissing him. “We can talk more tomorrow when we’re sober.” He chuckled. 

Steve nodded quickly. His mind was clouded with Bucky and Bucky only. He wasn’t thinking about the aftermath. As soon as they were in Bucky’s room, he kicked the door shut and let Bucky pull him to bed. Steve straddled him as they kissed, grinding against him. He was way more brave when he had drinks in him. Bucky groaned, his hands on Steve’s hips. 

Steve kissed down his neck, sucking a dark mark. “Shit, Stevie.” Bucky gasped. “More.” He scratched down his back. 

“You like being marked up, Buck?” He asked, kissing over his jaw. 

“So much. Everywhere.” He bucked his hips. “Mark me as yours.” He breathed. 

Steve groaned and did as he asked. He loved having his mouth on him. He loved the reactions and sounds it pulled from Bucky. Grinding his hips down, he shuddered slightly. “I could finish like this.” He mumbled. 

“Me, too.” Bucky helped Steve move his hips. “Lemme hear you.” He felt Steve had the prettiest noises. “Come undone for me.” He urged him, close himself as Steve moved his focus to his collar bone. 

Steve gasped and nuzzled in his neck as he got close. “Bucky.” He groaned as he finished. 

Hearing Steve groan his name had him finishing moments later. The two of them panted against each other before lazily kissing. Bucky rubbed Steve’s back gently, feeling closer to him. 

[biscuitblinkeu]

Best Solution [6]

Jennie Kim x Fem!reader

…………………………………………………………………………

You had days to think about it. It was the best solution. Well, maybe the best one you could come up with.

You would avoid going to The Willow to avoid suspicions from the Hunters. They're bound to check if they knew you went there.

It’s been almost a week since you’ve stopped going to the Willow. The last day you spent there you promised you would protect Mandu till Jennie found a man worthy. It seemed to be universal that you nor Jennie, Jisoo, Lisa, or Roseanne thought the Hunters were.

You don’t know what you’d do if they followed you and captured Mandu. You're afraid, because they don’t seem to be trying to take only the key anymore, they want to hurt the cat. Well, they’re determined to get the key even if it means the cat gets hurt in the process, and you don’t blame them…it’s crazy that they’ve just resorted to this method when this has been going on for a year.

And knowing that this has been going on for a year already, you ask yourself how Jennie deals with this. You would go insane.

The Hunters began making their rounds in the day and night now. It’s like they don’t rest. They watch you like vultures, and you can’t help but think something was up. So you’ve been cautious.

You’ve been taking a different route home and eating your lunch in the shop. Every time you crossed the bridge you would think of the feline. You imagined her sitting under the tree getting some rest.You hope she found something else to snack on for the time being. It’s cold outside too, did she keep warm? Did she return home at all?

You blew out a breath and watched the cloud of mist fade. You were pulling the cart up the slope today. You happened to like doing it more in the fall because you wouldn’t sweat buckets like you did in the summer. It also makes you warmer in the chilly weather.

You parked the cart near the supply shed. Then you began loading it with herbs and medicines, and packaged ceramics. You learned that Jisoo and Lisa didn’t sell flowers in the fall or winter, obviously because it was too cold and dry. They switch to growing herbs in the inside garden and turn that into medicine.

After you loaded the cart you covered it (in case leaves fell inside) and left it there, ready for you to deliver when it was time.

You walked inside the shop, the bell ringing as you opened the door. Immediately sighing at the warmth, once again relieved Roseanne got the heater working. Jisoo walked up to you with two mugs.

“Hot tea or coffee?” You took the tea.

“Thanks, you're a lifesaver chicken.” You sat down next to Lisa, both of you laughing at the way Jisoo’s face contorted at the nickname.

You looked around, “where’s Roseanne?”

“She down at Jason’s bakery buying us lunch.” Lisa answered before continuing to sketch in her notebook.

“Ah, okay… What’s that supposed to be? A dog?” You asked, looking at the doodles filling the page. Lisa looked offended.

“No! It’s clearly a moose.” You snorted, unable to figure out how that could possibly be a moose.

“Let me see.” Jisoo leaned over the counter and took the sketchbook from Lisa, who pouted in her seat. Jisoo simply handed the notebook back before turning around, you could see her shoulders shake. Not long after she bursted out laughing, causing Lisa to splutter.

She clearly wasn’t an artist. “You guys are so mean..”

“I’m sorry, it just doesn’t look like a..” Lisa glared at Jisoo.

“I mean it’s not bad at all, Lili, it just needs some antlers, you know, that moose’s have.” Jisoo couldn’t hide the amusement from her voice but Lisa seemed to buy it. She elbowed you in the side before going back to drawing.

“So (Y/n), I noticed you don’t go to The Willow anymore?” Jisoo spoke.

“Yeah, what’s up with that? You’ve been staying in the shop to eat now.” Lisa was curious too.

“Well,” You started. “I’ve been feeling like I’m being watched by the Hunters. They’re never very far away either, it’s starting to creep me out. I can’t go to The Willow knowing that. What if they follow me and find Mandu? That’s her safe place.” You expressed your worries. Although you left out the part where they tried to make a deal with you.

“You have a good heart (Y/n).” You shrug.

-

It was quiet. Too quiet. You haven’t seen any Hunters since the morning. They weren’t on their patrols or hanging out in the Marketplace either. You had an unsettling feeling in your stomach. Especially since you hadn’t interacted with Mandu. Usually she would come and find you despite you shooing her away in case she’s spotted. But she hasn’t, not today.

You decided to walk around the village. Just to see what the Hunters are doing, maybe even find Mandu.

You saw other Hunters, but never did you see Kai and his groupies. It was only when you walked near the edge of the village boundaries , near the river that circled around the village you heard Mandu.

You scrambled down the path, and as you got closer you heard the sound of the river. Your heart pounded in your ears as you thought about the worst-case scenarios.

What if Mandu is drowning? Is she being attacked by wild animals?

You approached the river bed, freezing at the sound of voices. You hid behind a big rock and peeked over it.

Your heart falls to the bottom of your stomach at the sight. A group of Hunters surround the feline with nets and sharp tools. You spot their ringleader. Minho in all his glory stands in the middle, the ever so present smirk on his face.

You noticed Kai and Namjoon weren’t present, it was just Minho and some other men. They seemed to be working for Minho.

Mandu hissed at the men surrounding her. Minho holds a crossbow in his hand, as he laughs along with the men around him. He proceeds to reload the bow with another arrow. The arrow was coated with a thick dark colored liquid.

He aims, squaring his soldiers and lining up his feet. “I won’t miss again.” He whispers before firing, the arrow making a sharp whooshing sound.

Just like he said, he didn’t miss this time. The arrow hit Mandu right in the shoulder and she let out a pained yelp. You watch as Mandu stumbles back, the men surrounding her slowly closing in. They would grab her, she had nowhere left to go.

But no, having moved backward too far she eventually falls prey to the rushing current of the river behind her. It took everything in you not to reveal yourself and jump in to grab her. You dug your nails into your palms. You had to be patient. You couldn’t rush in like you normally do. You had to be level headed.

Mandu fought, her small legs kicked and thrashed against the current to keep herself afloat. She stayed strong for about fifteen seconds before she grew tired.

“Would you look at that boys! The poison’s already taking effect.” Minho whoops watching the cat's struggles get slower. He’ll have to compensate the man who sold him it.

Mandu’s head bobs under the water, returning to the surface slower each time. Her strangled mewls sound throughout the air as she fights the current.

They walk along the gravel trail next to the river for a while, following her. You sneak behind them.

“The poison has already spread. She’s just driftwood at this point, let’s catch her at the end of the river boys. It won’t be long.” Minho motions for them to follow and they leave.

You didn’t waste any time, as soon as they were out of sight you removed your sweater and dived in. Your feet didn’t even touch the bottom of the river.. The water temperature was a shock. Immediately after getting in you took in a strained breath. It was freezing. You couldn’t imagine what Mandu felt.

You swam with the current, which pushed you towards Mandu’s unmoving body faster. You could see the rivers drop making you kick faster.

Once you reached her you cradled her unmoving body in one arm, and began swimming with one arm. It was difficult, you swallowed water many times causing you to pause to cough it up. You were focused on keeping Mandu above the water.

Once you crawled out the water you quickly assessed the feline's situation. Her chest wasn’t rising at all and she was ice cold.

“No, no no! Wake up, wake up-” CPR- You can’t believe you're giving an animal out of all things CPR. You did twelve compressions on Mandu, and soon the water she swallowed was coughed up. Her eyes opened up a fraction and she let out a quiet meow before they closed again.

You didn’t know what to do.

So you ran as fast as you could to Chulichaeng’s shop.

Roseanne just watched her friends bicker. They surely were a match made in heaven.

“It’s cold! Put it on.” Lisa only shook her head, and if you ask Jisoo, or anyone really, Lisa was being childish.

“I can’t have you getting sick!” Jisoo fussed, trying to catch her around the table. All she wanted was for Lisa to wear warm clothing to protect her from the autumn chill. Although Lisa was very adamant her thin sweater and gloves kept her warm enough, Jisoo disagreed.

“You know that’s not possible.” Lisa doesn’t get sick. Well, she has a very low chance compared to other people.

“Still, I can’t have you die from hypothermia.”

“Shouldn’t you wait till winter to worry about that?” Lisa said, not understanding how a little chill in the air is going to “make her sick”, let alone kill her. It’d make more sense if it was winter, but it’s not. But then she remembered.

“Jisoo that was one time.”

“Lisa-” The door bursts open, effectively cutting Jisoo off and scaring the few shopping customers in the process.

“Help—” You stood there soaked and out of breath, a cat they soon realized was Mandu in your arms wrapped in your sweater.

Roseanne was quick to move, immediately telling customers to leave. After they did she shut the door. Lisa headed to the medicine cabinets.

You handed Mandu to Jisoo. “It’s all my fault- I knew something wasn’t right..” You cried. “They poisoned her.”

Roseanne came up to you, now with a blanket in her hands. “(Y/n)? Put this on please, you're shaking.” You shook your head, they should be worrying about Mandu.

What if…Mandu died because you took too long to save her? What if you hadn’t got there in time? You had to make sure she was okay.

“I’m fine-” you began, only to be cut off by Roseanne.

“You're not.” Roseanne's voice was hard, and stern. She sighed, "Come here.” She wrapped the cover around you. “We'll take care of her okay? Don't worry. You head home and change before you get sick."

“But-” You shut your mouth at the glare she gave you. Roseanne was scary when she was mad.

“Yes.” You agreed, albeit reluctantly. And while walking back home you couldn’t help but think if the best solution really was avoiding interaction with Mandu. After all, Roseanne has told you countless times everything happens for a reason.

Meanwhile, Minho was angry. He lashed out on his friends.

“Where is that damn cat!” He tugged at his hair, trying to think of how and when the cat could’ve gotten away. The poison definitely took it out for the time being. This was his chance. His chance to get his hands on the key without being stuck in Kai’s shadow.

But he fucked it up.

“Minho.” Minho immediately froze, he turned around with a smile on his face. Kai stood behind him. Kai stood there unimpressed, “What do you think you’re doing, going after the cat without informing me?”

“I just wanted to have a little fun, that's all.” Minho stuffed his hands in his pocket and shrugged, trying to act nonchalant.

Would you like to continue? ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

[tinalbion]

A  R E A L  H E R O | e i g h t

You move to Evergreen for a fresh start, you’ve inherited your grandparents’ place, and then you meet the sweetest guy. But there’s a duality to him, something a bit darker. Then you meet Vigilante, a killer anti-hero who just looks out for the safety of Evergreen, but the dangerous side of him appeals to you more than you care to admit.

》MINORS, DO NOT INTERACT《

Pairing: Vigilante x f!Reader

Rating: Mature; Reader makes a brash decision, mention of murder, blood, the usual when it comes to this group.

Length: 6.2k

p a r t  8  | a m o u r

A/N: No smut in this chapter, only because it’s more story building time, and it’s important! But we may be graced in the next chapter~

You shouldn't have even THOUGHT of doing this in the emotional state you were in, it was wrong and ultimately went back on your conversation of trust, and yet you're the one who would break it first.

You tried to talk yourself out of this the further you walked up to the dirty glass of the abandoned movie store, but there you were as you cupped your hands over your face so you could peer into the setup, barely able to see anything through the random posters plastered all over the place. There had been a series of blurry figures you could make out until you stepped off to the side and found a peeling patch of newspaper that they hadn’t fixed just yet, so you squinted to make out whatever it was you were looking at.

You saw Vij, Peacemaker, and another man in the room, all chatting with one another as they had been packing things up like weapons and such. You were torn inside, wanting to get answers to what they were doing and why Adrian was distancing himself, or you could have relied on him to tell you in his own time. But with him, you never knew if the day you saw him would be your last to see him, you had always worried about his choice of pastime activities, especially last week when he came to you with a broken spirit and a damaged foot, you had an inkling of a hope that maybe he’d take it easy.

It only started to fester deep within you earlier this week, and despite the things you said to Adrian the last time you saw him and bandaged his foot up properly, he still hadn't confided in you much about anything. His texts were scattered and brief, but he still meant the sweet words he sent to you, but he was obviously distracted to the point there was very little interaction. 

You had even tried to visit him during one of his shifts, but he'd apparently called in due to "having the flu", to which you covered for him immediately and then left the restaurant feeling confused and worried. 

At one point in your deep thoughts and overthinking, you asked Adrian why he had to be dropped off by the blonde woman that night, to which he instantly tensed as you sat beside him on his sofa. 

“Come on, it couldn’t have been that bad. The Seabring break down?”

He took a breath and shrugged uneasily. “Harcourt was nice enough to drive me home because I was thrown in jail, so I didn’t have the car.”

You turned to him and stared wide-eyed. “WHAT?”

“Look, it wasn’t THAT big of a deal! I just tried to throw a garbage can through the police station’s window.”

“Adrian, what the fuck, why?” Your voice raised and you didn’t mean for it to seem like you were yelling at him, but you were so shocked that you couldn’t understand what the hell went through his head. 

He grumbled and sighed. “Leota, one of the people I work with, kept saying how bad Peacemaker’s dad is, how shitty Auggie is, and he IS. Racist piece of shit, he’s always making his life miserable. So she said she wished he was out of the picture so Chris could be happy… So I figured I could make him…go away. He was already in jail, so I figured I’d just deal with it there before he got out.”

“Adrian… you didn’t…” 

“No, I didn’t, I fucked up and didn’t do it.”

You sat there and looked at him as he faced the television, the pain was apparent sketched into his features, so you placed your hand on his shoulder and offered him a smile. “I’m proud that you didn’t do it, babe, you wanted to help your friend and I respect that, but those are his demons to face and he needs to deal with them, no matter how much you wanna help.”

“Yeah, I know, but still…”

You chuckled and leaned your head on his shoulder as you sat in silence with him, but soon after, he said he had to go home, despite you offering him to stay the night. Adrian declined and said he had a lot on his mind that he needed to work on, so you nodded and watched from your window as he left. 

Since that night, you worried for him so much that his friendship with Chris wasn’t exactly normal, though it wasn’t your business. He seemed to be incredibly dedicated, which was a valuable trait in a friend, but you hoped that wasn’t being exploited by the others in this group. As always, you worried, and in return, he worried about you.

But how could he involve you and sacrifice your safety with everything going on? Wouldn't that be absolutely selfish of him to do so? The more he thought about everything that was going on with what he was involved in, the more he wanted to tell you and express his worries, his thoughts, all of it.  It ate away at him that he couldn't tell you, and despite his protests to Harcourt, she scolded him AND Adebayo about involving those closest to them, their safety was important despite how much they wanted to keep them close. Leota reluctantly agreed and felt guilty about sending her wife away, but Adrian almost brushed it under the rug and dealt with the growing dread that sat in the pit of his stomach. He sat in silence sometimes and his thoughts drifted to you and how you would be handling his distance, he knew it was wrong of him, but how else could he tell you to stay away from this whole butterfly ordeal without revealing too much? 

But when he saw you burst through the door of the video shop with that look on your face, he knew something was going to happen and it wouldn’t end well, but he froze to the spot when you glared directly at him as he held a large black container. 

"Adrian you absolute asshole," you spat as you flung the door open. Still, you couldn't get another word in until the man known to be Peacemaker stepped forward, his hand gripped onto a black duffle bag as he looked absolutely confused by your presence. 

"Hey, lady, you got the wrong place of establishment," he said in a slightly raised tone. 

"I don't think I do, because he–" you said while pointing at Adrian– "is just the man I need to talk to."

"You know this crazy chick?" Peacemaker turned to Adrian with a distasteful expression. 

"Uh yeah, she's my girlfriend." Adrian looked over at you and gave you a meek smile and a half-hearted wave.

“No she’s not,” he argued, dismissing Adrain completely.

“Yes, I am.”

The room went silent for a moment. Both John and Peacemaker looked at the brunette man and just stared, mouths hanging open in disbelief.

"There's no way this fucking idiot has a girlfriend," Economos said. 

"And one that hot," Peacemaker mentioned. “Oh, I get it, is she a nerd like you? Met her playing one of your fruity little dungeons and dragons games?” He turned to look over at Adrain, who seemed to be overwhelmed by everything going on.

You turned to look at the man with a scowl on your face. "First off, don't call my boyfriend an idiot," you snapped at the large, bearded man. "And second," you whipped your head toward Peacemaker, "watch your mouth, this isn’t your business."

"You're kinda making it our business when you're busting down the door and yelling at the only people in the room," Peacemaker stated. 

You gave a sigh and shook your head, but you walked up to Adrian with your consistent glare, then pulled him off to the side. "Can I talk to you in private?"

“Vij, we don’t have TIME for this, we have a cow to– SHIT to do!” 

"You shouldn't be here, babe, what if the others come back and see someone they’ve never seen before? They could freak out."

"People freaking out is only a problem for you when it's one of these members of the half-assed Justice League, but when I'm the one freaking out, it's not that bad, right?" Before he could speak, you cut him off. "I don't understand you, Adrian, you're distancing yourself from me and it's not like you at all! I don't mind supporting you with whatever is going on, but you're scaring me…" Your words trailed off and felt almost too embarrassed to admit it. “I don’t know what’s happening with you and I wanna know what’s going on.”

Adrian looked at you and stared, he couldn't come up with an excuse for how you'd been treated, but he also wasn't sure what to really say in front of the others in the room. 

"Sounds like trouble in paradise over there, Vij, she ain't keeping you pussy whipped, is she?" 

When your eyes met the man's, he seemed incredibly unbothered by your poor attempt at intimidation, but you couldn't help the intensity of your hatred after hearing this man only speak a handful of times. 

"I wish Adrian would have warned me about how you can't seem to keep your mouth shut, but I guess I found out the hard way. Now can you shut the hell up?"

"Jeez, you really need to ease up," Peacemaker groaned as he shook his head. “Either way we gotta fuckin’ go and soon, guys, this place is gonna be swarmed any minute now.” 

"Can you guys stop talking about me as if I'm not even here?" Adrian said, the tone in his voice conveying his frustration. "Look, I get that I fucked up and shouldn't have pushed you away, but I can't tell you what's going on here thanks to these guys telling me to keep my mouth shut." He offered you a calm expression and then turned to his friend, who he stared at with much more annoyance. “And can you at least try not to be a dick to her, I don’t care if it’s aimed at me, but fuck dude?”

You glared at Peacemaker and took a step closer to Adrian, feeling the distrust of everyone in the room except for your boyfriend, who just seemed to be wrapped up in all this shit without really knowing what he was getting into. 

“He wouldn’t be in this shit if it weren’t for you,” you pointed at Peacemaker, “ever since you came back he was so happy that ‘his friend was back’, and now, he’s running off doing your bullshit for these clowns.”

“Hey!” Economos complained.

“Look, I don’t know you, for all I know you’re the reason he’s here.”

Peacemaker erupted into a fit of laughter. “Fuckin’ dye beard here couldn’t find his way out of a paper bag and you think he can conduct a mission to kill butterflies?”

Your brow furrowed. “Butterflies?”

Adrian’s eyes widened as he stared at Peacemaker. “Chris, shut UP. Don’t involve her.”

“Why?! What is so damn important that I can’t be involved to the point I don’t know if my boyfriend is alive or not?” You were getting way too worked up to think properly, but you had a suspecting feeling that there was more going on here. “This isn’t just a simple hit mission, is it?” You turned to Adrian and your pleading expression spoke volumes. 

He sighed and looked down, but then leaned in and kissed you softly, one you didn’t want him to pull away from. “I promise you I’m gonna tell you everything, but you gotta trust me, okay? I don’t want shit happening to you… Not again."

How could you stay mad at him when all he wanted to do was keep you safe? It was once again falling under the entire identity thing and if they could use something or someone he loved against him, he'd never forgive himself if you were caught in the middle. 

"Things are getting intense and we gotta go, but I promise I'll be back and we can talk about whatever you want, I swear. I just need you to lay low, the group’s head guy doesn’t want anyone on the outside involved just because it’s not safe. I want you to be safe,” his sentence trailed off and he smiled at you.

“Adi, please, I don’t want you doing this, what if–”

“Promise me. Promise me you won’t get involved in this right now and I’ll tell you everything.”

"Vigilante, you can't just–" Economos began, but Adrian cut him off. 

"No, I owe her that much, you weren't there when she was taken! She needs to stay safe, but she's gotta know."

Peacemaker scoffed and began to shove his guns back into their holsters. "Your funeral." 

You spun to face Peacemaker again and stepped up toward him. "What the fuck is your problem, huh? Are you so spineless that you must demean everyone in this room just to feel like the big tough badass? No one gives a shit, Chris," as you drew out his name, they could hear the venom in your voice. When you stormed off toward the door, Adrian called out to you. You stopped at the door and looked back. 

"I promise." He seemed so sincere, and you wondered just how far that promise would come, so you offered him a small smile and left them in the shop.

Economos felt incredibly uneasy as he stared at the pair of friends as he shifted slightly, and decided he would go and check on Judo Master, their captive that knew about and willingly worked with the butterflies. 

"Ahh shit, he's gone, he's gone! Judo Master is gone!"

Adrian peeked in and looked around, obviously confused. "Judo Master was in here?"

*

You walked to your car as cautiously as you always did, slid into the seat, and locked the doors as soon as you leaned back into the seat. Your hands rested on the steering wheel, but all you could do was stare out the windshield, your gaze set dead ahead as you tried to empty your head of all your thoughts. You trusted your boyfriend, you had even before you knew it, but you definitely didn't trust the people he hung around. 

As you thought of his promise, you couldn't get the fact that Peacemaker had been absolutely shitty toward him regardless of the situation, was he like that all the time with Adrian? His presence made your blood boil as you thought of his smug look, looking down on Adrian in that short amount of time. Your attention was stolen by the sudden burst of the door being flung open with force, the three of them ran to the large RV and piled into it, you watched as they disappeared into the vehicle and closed the door, and your body lurched forward slightly as you couldn’t help but release a sob you’d been holding for some time now. 

“Fuck,” you whispered to yourself in annoyance. 

Whatever the case, you took his words into account and drove out of there as fast and legally as you could, because if the place was going to be surrounded, might as well get the hell out of the vicinity in case you got caught and questioned. 

You figured you should get some lunch for home, get some paperwork done for work, and just keep yourself at home before anything got too bad. 

As you pulled into the driveway, your food in hand as you went to unlock the front door, you couldn't help but feel a deep sinking feeling in your gut. You worried about Adrian all the time, but something about the urgency of today and hearing whatever the hell about the butterflies, you couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of dread. 

You sat cross-legged on the sofa and flipped through channels as you ate your takeout, you stopped on a news channel that had the headline: Captain Locke Press Conference - possible link to Sturphausen and Goff murders. It stated that Christopher Smith, also known as Peacemaker, has the belief that aliens are posing as humans and it's his job to find and kill them. 

"Find and stop the Peacemaker by whatever means necessary." 

Your eyes bulged as you stared in disbelief at the fact there had been a 33-victim massacre at the Glan Tai Bottling Factory, all of which Adrian probably knew about and had possibly gotten his toe injury from all of this. You sat back and almost dropped the container of food as you lost all function of your limbs, you were dumbstruck. 

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK, this isn’t good.” You stood up from your seat and began to pace back and forth, your food was long forgotten as you wondered what you could do before anything had gotten too out of hand, but the real question was should you even get involved when Adrian specifically asked you not to?

You’d been captured and tortured, you had gone down that road and wanted nothing to do with getting caught again, mainly if Vigilante was too preoccupied to save your ass again, you needed to think of a way to help any way you could. The more he associated with Chris, the more danger he was in for getting caught in the crossfire, and if his identity was compromised… You scolded yourself and shook your head, what you were thinking was absolutely insane, you’d barely held a firearm except for the times you practiced with Adrian, but you knew that wouldn’t be enough to save you if things went south.

With a frustrated growl, your fingers slid across your hair as you thought until your head pounded and you couldn’t think straight, so you decided without much hesitation that you’d raid Adrian’s stash of guns and do what you could to make sure he’d live. You owed him that much.

As you drove to his place, you talked to yourself in the car, berating yourself for the choices you were making, you figured that if you went back now he wouldn’t hold it against you. He did his job of keeping things as silent as he could without involving you, despite how he’d gone about it, so he wouldn’t be upset that you wouldn’t be there. But even as you went inside his place, you rifled around his things and grabbed all you could as you strapped his holster to yourself, and you felt as if you could take on an army. You made sure everything was back in its place and properly put away until your eyes swept over the nightstand, where he kept the first photo of you and him that you took when you guys officially started dating. A smile crept across your face and you settled on your plan; you were going to help him no matter what. 

It was a stupid idea to an outsider, sure, you were planning to burst into a facility with no way of knowing who or what you’d come across, but you knew the group Adrian was working with would be there, trained guns for hire, so you’d possibly get lucky and somehow manage to live. 

You walked over to the police scanner, listening in on anything that you could pick up on the whereabouts of the Peacemaker, and with a bit of patience as you turned the dial as slowly as you could, you picked up on an intercepted conversation, the radio static barely allowed you to hear it until you finally set the dial and it was clear as day.

“-the Peacemaker was seen headed north-west down Highway 99 in a Burgundy 2016 Ford Fiesta, two other suspects in the vehicle, possibly Vigilante accompanying them. Calling in a 10-85 to follow to Coverdale Ranch.”

“10-04.”

“Shit,” you huffed and shut off the machine, then you headed out in your car and didn’t look back. You pulled out and began your lengthy drive to Coverdale Ranch, the infinite possibilities of the situation ran wild in your mind, but all you knew is that Adrian could be in heaps of trouble, and you wanted to help him as he had helped you.

Though you had trained with him in the basics of weaponry and self-defense, you couldn’t help but shake the feeling that you’d be more of a burden than an actual help to them, but if you died doing this, you had felt that you wouldn’t regret the choices you made. You’d loved him despite everything, you loved the times you shared, even loved the strange and wild way you both met. Your foot pushed down further onto the pedal, the speed picked up and you would make it, you had to.

*

The field was a bloodbath and you were out of your depth, your hands shaking as you ran past the dead group of people on the ground, blood splattered everywhere as you ran toward the center of the fighting, the gunshots rang louder than you expected and caused you to constantly flinch. You saw the familiar faces of Economos and Harcourt, Economos was on the ground, making his way to the firefight as the blonde woman was shot several times, then she fell to the ground and coughed up a large amount of blood.

Everyone was in a panic and yet they continued to fight until they couldn’t anymore, except you couldn’t see Adrian anywhere, and that’s when you began to panic. Your eyes searched for him frantically as you held your gun as you were taught, but you were pulled out of your search by the scream of a man who bolted right toward you. 

You tensed but eagerly spun to have your barrel meet his face, and with a quick breath and a fast aim, you shot at him and braced for impact. None ever came. Blood spurted from his throat and he collapsed to the ground, his movements slowed until there were none at all, and you couldn’t get over the fact that you killed someone.

‘You knew this would happen if you interfered, there’s no reason to back out now, Adrian needs you. Keep going.’ 

A few more stragglers that made their way to you were easily taken care of, their movements were sporadic and sloppy, so you were able to dodge them by controlling the speed of your feet. You stopped quickly and allowed one of the attackers to swipe at nothing and you watched him tumble over almost comically, then you shot him square between the eyes. You were more confident in your abilities now, but you still wouldn't allow yourself to grow an ego, you needed to focus and be sure to keep yourself alive long enough. 

Your feet took you as fast as they could go toward the group that was gathered in the center of the chaos, Ecomonos had finally reached the halfway point as you booked it past him, and he paid you no mind. Finally, you saw the suit you’d been so well acquainted with, and a wave of relief washed over you. Your feet carried you as quickly as you could manage and you were so close to reaching him, but a shot rang out and you saw that teal and black suit stained red with blood shortly after. 

You couldn't hold back the blood-curdling scream you released as you raised your gun and shot at his attacker, all while Adrian still managed to throw a knife directly at the man at the same time your bullet luckily hit him dead in the eye. 

The skin of your knees was now bruised and slightly bloody as you slid across the soil, rocks be damned, you wouldn't let something happen to him as you crawled to reach him. You could hear that he was still breathing but wasn't as strong as it could be, and when you rolled him over slightly to take a look at him, his suit was all but destroyed, there had been so much blood on your hands when you pulled them away. The sight of it had you almost to the point of hyperventilating because you were already thinking the worst, so you removed his visor and checked him as best as you could without moving him too much. 

Leota had just finished saving Harcourt as she ripped out one of the butterflies from her mouth, and shot it before it could take over her body, then her attention was pulled toward you hovering over Adrian's body. 

"Hey, is he alive?" She asked as she still remained at Emilia's side.

You looked up and stared at her through your teary eyes. "Yes, but barely. I don't know how long he'll be okay… Is she okay?"

Leota stood and looked down at Harcourt then back at you. "For now. We gotta get them out of here, though."

The blonde woman gripped Leota’s arm and shuttered. "Help… Chris," was all Harcourt could muster. 

Leota looked terrified, scared of the fact that they could die at any point and yet they wanted her to leave them there. 

"Go and help, I'll stay here and protect them if I need to." 

The woman looked at you in confusion for a moment. "You're… Adrian's girlfriend, right?" You nodded. "He talks a lot about you, pretty ballsy you bein' here. But you're good people, so here, take this just in case."

She handed you one of her guns and you waved your hand in protest. "I got plenty, you need that, now go and do whatever you need to do."

"Leota!"

Ecomonos had suddenly appeared and rolled a silver Peacemaker helmet toward her, his body now weak as he collapsed onto the soil to rest. You watched them with curiosity as Leota suddenly left and made her way down an eerie-looking entranceway that led underground, leaving you with everyone in an uncomfortable silence.

You hadn't left Adrian's side as you stroked his hair while he slept, all you wanted was to make sure he continued to breathe, so you did what you could with his wounds and put pressure on them as you wrapped them up with whatever you could find. You only left his side long enough to tear off chunks of cloth from the bodies that were scattered around you, you helped out Economos as best as you could without fucking up his leg even further, to which he thanked you. 

"Sorry we sorta ganged up on you back at the video store."

"It's fine," you replied coolly as you made your way back to Adrian's side. "Sorry I yelled at you."

He scoffed and shrugged. "Yeah, I suppose we deserved it. Why are you here though? Shouldn't you be staying as far away from this shit as you possibly can?"

You looked over your boyfriend's face and contemplated for a moment, not quite sure what went through your head while you did all of this. "Honestly, I did it for him. I didn't care what would have happened to me, I just wanted to help him. Even if it killed me." 

John stared at you in what you would assume was awe and possibly even lunacy, but he gave you a small smile in return. "He's lucky to have someone like you. Why you came out here was fucking insane but really brave of you."

You chuckled. "Thanks, man." 

You clung to Adrian and your mind was slightly more at ease, you wanted to believe that he would be okay and that everything would be as it was in a week or two, but you were scared shitless. With any luck, they would finish whatever mission this was and you could all escape the police before they came to collect Peacemaker and company. So long as his breathing continued to remain steady, you would feel okay, you wouldn’t be able to handle it if something went wrong.

A low rumble began steadily beneath your feet, both you and Economos stared at each other, unsure of what the sound was or what you should do, if anything. When the rumble became stronger and more violent, you got to your feet and scooped Adrian in your arms, pulling him from under his arms away from the danger, though you didn't get far. The man was already heavy with the muscle he gained, but with the suit on top of it, it was almost impossible, but you had your burst of adrenaline to thank. Economos crawled further away despite his leg protesting, the shooting pain he felt was unlike anything he'd felt before. When the rumbling slowed and came to a stop, you stood still and gently placed Adrian back down, which caused him to stir.

He grumbled and groaned as his eyes fluttered open, his brown pulled together while his eyesight tried to adjust with no glasses to peer through. But as he looked up, there you were with a smile on your face and worry in your eyes, your face splattered with droplets of blood. 

"Wait, what happened? What are you doing here, babe?" His voice was hoarse and dry.

You knelt back down and placed several kisses on his forehead as you brushed his hair back. "Oh thank fuck, you're okay. Try not to move until we figure out what's going on, okay?"

"How are you here?"

You looked away sheepishly and hummed. "Well, I saw the news, so I went to your place and got some weapons, then overheard on the police scanner that you were spotted coming up this way. I came as fast as I could."

"Shoulda saw her in action, Vij, she was pretty crazy," Economos said matter-of-factly. "She's been by your side since she got here." 

Adrian squinted and looked at you with concern, which wasn't a good look. "You coulda got hurt."

"And you could have died, but I don't care, Adrian. You saved me, I wanted to save you."

He was upset that you didn't listen, all he wanted was for you to be okay and safe, away from all of this nonsense. But overall, he did take Economos's words into consideration; he was pretty lucky to have someone like you.

A sound came from behind you and you all turned to see Peacemaker pulling himself from the wreckage that followed behind him, Leota right behind him. Economos sighed in relief and groaned. 

"You guys are okay, holy shit."

"Get to Harcourt, she's not doing good," you said loudly as you pointed at her, and Chris followed your direction and immediately scooped her into his arms. "Come on, handsome, we gotta get you to the hospital." You stood up and pulled him to his feet gently, the groan that emerged was painful. 

Adrian hobbled one step ahead and almost collapsed again, but you caught him in time. "Come on, I'll be fine, I just need a nap."

"Adrian, no, you're going into the hospital." 

Peacemaker said nothing as he carried the blonde woman who lay unconscious, breathing, but alive. As if it were a cruel joke, several members of the Justice League came to greet them, but the entire group kept moving past them. 

"You're late, you fucking dickheads," Chris complained with a sneer. 

The members looked on in disbelief, but you didn't care, you just needed to get everyone to the hospital, especially before Harcourt didn't have a chance to make it.

*

Vigilante stood there, his hand placing pressure on the gunshot wounds beneath his ribcage, but the way he could barely stand was a cause for worry, yet he didn’t say a word and watched as Harcourt and Economos were carted off to be taken care of. Chris and Leota stood beside you two and it almost felt awkward as you all 

Chris looked over at Vigilante as you continued to hold him up, but he swayed a bit too far and almost toppled over. “Dude, you’re shot. You gotta be admitted.”

Vigilante sighed and shook his head. “I’m fine, seriously. All I need is a good nap.” After a moment of silence, Vigilante fell to the floor with you trying your best to catch him before he did. 

“Can someone help him, please?!” you called out desperately, and your call was answered almost immediately as a group of nurses and doctors swarmed around you both. 

They picked him up and wheeled him into a room with you not far behind, but one of the nurses turned to you and placed a hand in front of you to stop you. 

"I'm sorry, miss, you have to stay out here, okay? Please, we just need to get him into surgery as fast as we can, and as soon as it's finished, we'll call you in."

You wanted to protest, you wanted to be there for him and you wanted to keep that promise, but getting thrown out wouldn't do much good. So you sighed and nodded, then walked back to the waiting room where Peacemaker was sitting. His head was hung low as his elbows rested on his knees, and you had just caught a glimpse of Leota leaving through the front door. 

As much as it pained you to be near him, you sat beside Chris and looked over silently, not wanting to force a conversation. You sighed as you leaned back in the chair and closed your eyes, all you wanted to do was take a breath and not have to worry about anything for at least twenty minutes. Your body relaxed and you felt yourself falling asleep, but Peacemaker looked over at you and cleared his throat.

"Hey uh, I know you didn't have to come to us at the ranch, but thanks for helping," he said gruffly. “Heard you took some guys down.”

Your eyes opened and you turned your head slightly to look at him. "Yeah well, I did it for Adrian, he did it for me." You turned your gaze back toward the help desk and stared at the constant movement until you heard your name called. Your head whipped up and stared at the doctor holding a clipboard as he made eye contact with you, then you made your way to him with a blatant expression of pure worry. 

"Mr. Chase didn't need much done, he just had some sutures, the bullets were removed and everything seems to be going well. He's lost blood from the wounds, but his recovery is miraculous. Did you want to see him?"

"Yes, please." You followed quickly on his heels as he guided you to his room, and of course, he was already awake and moving around in his bed. 

"Mr. Chase, could you please not remove the IV yet?" 

His gaze rested on you and the smile that followed was one you wished to see for the rest of your days. "You're still here!" He said excitedly. 

"Why wouldn't I be?" You turned around and looked over at the doctor. "Can he go home today?"

"Yes, so long as he waits patiently for us to discharge him," he said with emphasis on the last of the sentence. "But I'll come back in a bit once we initiate the paperwork." The doctor left and closed the door behind him, which left you both alone. 

You turned back to him and he was already discarding the IV and the heart monitor, and all you could do was laugh. "Adi, calm down, he said to wait." 

"And I did. I waited until he left the room," he said with a smirk. 

You sucked your teeth and shook your head as you sat down on the edge of the bed beside him, and once you did that, he finally settled down a bit. He looked up at you, his face a tad bit bruised and puffy as he stared at you. When you looked over at him, he couldn't help but smile at you. 

"What?" you asked.

"Nothing, just wish I coulda seen you in action, did those lessons I gave you pay off?" He wiggled his eyebrows and smirked. 

You almost wanted to blush. "Shut up, Adrian. But yeah, gotta say, I was scared as hell, but that adrenaline? Woo boy, really paid off. But I was so fucking scared, Adrian…” You sighed as you reached out for his hand, which he allowed you to take, and you squeezed it gently. “I was so scared you weren’t gonna make it.”

The look of guilt seemed to sink into his features, but you placed your hand on his cheek to have him look at you. “Look, babe, I–”

“Ssh, I don’t care right now, I just wanna enjoy this win, okay? You’re alive and that’s all that matters.” You leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his lips, slowly being consumed by him until you felt him pushing back, his mouth opened to allow his tongue to caress your bottom lip. You pulled back with a smile. “Adrian, in the hospital room?” You asked, your voice light and playful.

“Sure, why not?”

“Because you just had bullets removed from your body,” you replied with an overwhelmed tone, but you barely fought back against his advances, his hand slid down the front of your shirt, and a small whimper escaped your lips. His devious smile made you want to rethink it, but you had a better idea. “How about,” you began as you pulled his hand down and placed it on your leg, “we get out of here and if you can make it from here to the house, I’ll change my mind.”

His smile only grew. “Deal.”

The television inside the room was on and as soon as Adrian looked up, he patted your arm and pointed. Your eyes followed and you saw Leota at a press conference.

‘A.R.G.U.S. Agent Speaks Out’, the prompt read. “–Which means Christopher Smith never wrote any diary. Both the Peacemaker and the costucrime-fighterhter Vigilante were working in a deep-cover operation for the U.S. government called “Project Butterfly”. This is all part of a black-ops program known as “Task Force X,” where convicted criminals are undertaking dangerous missions for the United States in exchange for time shaved off their sentences.”

You looked back over at Adrian, completely stunned. “Holy shit… that’s… that’s insane.”

Adrian only shrugged and nodded in agreement. “Well, what are you gonna do, a woman in power like that? Does whatever she wants. Glad Leota was on our side.”

“Yeah,” you breathed… “Hey, let’s go home, yeah?”

Adrian smiled and sighed in relief as he was already slipping out of the bed and across the room to grab his things. “I’d like nothing more. But we gotta go my way.”

“Adrian, you’re not–”

“Oh yes, I am.” He gathered all his things and slung them over his shoulder. “You comin’? I’ll catch you, promise.”

You looked over at the large open window and sighed, you shook your head in disbelief. “I guess so, let’s do this.” You walked over toward the window and looked down, the height wasn’t that bad, so you looked up at him and gave him a playful smirk. “You’re lucky I love you, Adrian Chase.” You placed a quick kiss on his lips and didn’t even give him time to process as you jumped from the window and screamed. 

Adrian stood there for a moment in the room and looked back outside as you recovered quickly from the jump, and you stared up at him. “You what?!”

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[dausy]

I never uploaded here, the other week I uploaded this. Some weeks ago, Grabie reached out to me and sent me some of their art products to review. Which was super cool. I am so thankful that so many companies have found me to let me try stuff. Lord knows I dont have a big following, I just really enjoy hoarding art supplies. It is just like the coolest thing ever this day and age to receive stuff like that via the internet. My hobbyist self is so thankful.

I just haven't felt like turning the internet on recently. I skipped this last week uploading to youtube and part of that was I just didn't feel like it but the other part was I worked a lot these past 2 weeks even though I put my foot down and said I wouldn't pick up extra anymore..I did end up picking up extra. Also, I had to do some boring adult chores and phone calls all that just takes so much time and effort.

I had to take my dog to the vet for her annual stuff last week and I would have rather have gone to the dentist for myself twice than do that again lol. I liked my old vet before we moved and I didn't jive with this place. Then on the way home my car started giving me funky warnings. So I had to take it to the shop. They told me a lot needed to be fixed which was already a fortune on top of paying for the dogs stuff. This is annoying but murphy's law states that if your spouse is gone for work, everything breaks. So I was already waiting for things to break and already had money set aside for when these events finally occur. So I had to spend half my day at this car place because I'm alone and have nobody to chauffeur me around. That zaps your energy.

My blessed coworkers were super sweet though when I told them about my car ordeal. They demanded to see my receipts and car (like they were physically at my car after work) and told me to never spend money like this without referring to them first because I probably got ripped off and they were concerned about my gullible-ness and lack of car education. I actually thought this was a really nice gesture. I didn't know that I could use coworkers as this sort of reference and I probably still wont. But nice people.

we had an accreditation survey at work. And I'm overly loud and oversharing of all things. They probably should have locked me away somewhere. I don't know why they allowed me on the premises during this survey or why I've grown this way as I've gotten older. The place I work is pretty sketch as it is.

Also got a concerning phone call from my spouse about a health incident re my MIL and I thought I was going to have to drive to Arizona for a minute. Everything is fine I think.

otherwise I just work, run home and turn on Disney Dreamlight Valley. Its kinda sad. I'm kinda tired. I have a terrible headcold too. I had to sleep last night with a paper towel tied to my face because face juice just kept leaking out uncontrollably.

[wxnheart]

Birb Watching Anon- Yandere Corax x Remeberancer Reader

Quick note: I am not sure if I have made it clear, but the reader IS gender neutral (as much as I can make it)

You had been working with the Primarch for serveral months now. After your first piece having been approved, the little tower, RavenSpire was your home. Often when you werent busy with your duties, often you wandered around the spire. The tower was on first appearances rather bland and boring compared to the lavish sights of your homeworld and other ships. Hell, even the Lion's ship had a bit more decoration than here… However, you were snapped out of that mindset immediatly. YOu had noticed small cracks and dents alongside the spire with art often besides it. It intrigued you, and when asking your escort about it. They were often… very vauge about it. Your escorts were vertrans of course, they had fought alongside Lord Corax and were with him. Still, when they answered your question, it seemed with tact. Still, that was just a minor inconvionice. After all, they were just doing their jobs and intruiging you with your every whim. However, you noticed something was off over time… there seemed to be two factions at Deliverance, the Moonborn and the Terran born. They were as different as night and day, despite having the same genesire. Reflecting on that, maybe it was just a different aspect of the primarch's character that had never gotten expressed because of his circumstances.

The Terrans were often more curt and blunt than the moonborn, how ever, they were often move jovial and open. They often spoke praise about Horus as a whole, almost like he was an adoring father. As far you knew, Corax was one of the last found, so this was a new adjustment to the Moonborn as well as them. However, the treatment of the serfs was excessive. While, the Moonborn tended to ignore the serfs, or just give them with a slight level one might treat a speck of dust.

YOu had tried to appraoch the Terran Marines and ask them questions about Terra and fighting pre Corax, but often got no answer. they would take one look at you and your escort and turn away with an angry grimace on their face… Maybe at a another time. YOu were always being escorted at all times, it was standard protocal however.. you felt that you were really only getting one sided look at the legion. Pacing around your room, you schemed and planned. How were you going to get this interview… there was one commander that you hadn't met yet, they called him Soukhounou. YOu sat down and rubbed your temples with a feverish sigh. Sleep deprivation had been taking its toll on you… Dreams.. such fickle things… it was walways the same nightmare, and you couldnt intrepret it. You banished that thought from your head and gave yourself a pinch for good measure. NO. Your work will not suffer, it can. not. EVERYTHING is riding on this… your life, your family's honor… Getting up.. you grabbed your sketch book adn pens and left the room.

Still, you sat down and pulled up a holovid of a Terran marine and started to sketch them out. It was almost soothing.. to get the colors and sketches just right. Space Marines were unique in face, unlike their voice. Often you had used Corax's facial structure as a base, but often expanded outward. It all boiled down to that… still you thought you art had improved.. hopefully. You had noticed smaller details that often your older more extravgant works would have neglected. "Anon! I am of need your assiantance" You gave a quick shudder and got up. Lord Corax had been taking to calling you by your name. It was a nice gesture.. but it felt off… his tone was rather neutral as always with a hint of sadness.. but it was like a pet name? No.. you must be imagining things…

Gathering your tools you went to the standard elevator, with your escort. You had arrived to see Corax. He looked different and a tad bit more stressed. The escort was gone, as per usual. The towering man appraoched you. He sighed. "We have new orders, I must have a joint mission with my brother." He turned coldly. "We will leave within a day. Pack up your things and say your farewells" The primarch looked deathly stressed more so than usual.. He couldnt tell you his orders of course.. but given his expression. Those joint deployment was NOT good. YOu gave a nod and gave a quick bow, and stood there. Corax gave a glare. "Dont be wasting time! You are dimissied!" You gave a jump and gave a second bow before darting back into the elevator. YOu had much packing to do, still… it was the same routine.

Corax gave a sigh after dismissing his remeberancer… He had been staying at his home much longer than nesscary. He dreaded this joint order. Why would his father order that he and Konrad work together, he would never know. Despite his reservations, he would do the best that he could and protect them. He went over and carefully put on his armor. He made sure that it was working as intended… He flexed his pinions and claws. Carefully he grabbed his helment and clipped it to his belt. He touched the corvia on his armor, yellowed with age with a sigh. He hoped that someone would tend and hold onto his corvia. He touched his electrowhip. However, a nagging thought was in his head. "How would your brother react to them?" He frowned a bit. It would be terrible if his first rememberancer was killed because of meddling from his brother. He had heard of what happened to Vulkan's that one time. He gave a glare. He wouldnt let that happen.. not to her.

YOu had returned to yohur room and started to pack up your art supplies and gave a sigh… At least you were going to back to see the stars… YOu had enjoyed being on the moon. But all good things, as they say must come to an end. YOu patted the bed and gave a yawn. You opened up the curtain noticed the sun being nearly gone with the stars in the blackground. It was so beautiful… After all the "sun" rises and sets were often weeks for a time. It was beautiful, despite your fears. The galaxy was a large and feral place. YOu sighed and closed the curtain and resumed packing. YOu were ready, but you werent sure if you were to spent the night or not.

You heard your vox chatter, "Rememberancer ANon, please get dressed in your finest uniform.. we will be boarding 'The Shadow of the Emperor' within 2 hours." "Yes my lord." The vox cut off with a sharp cut. YOu got dressed and made sure that you were dressed up in the finest spledary that you could imagine. It was a nomral suit as per usual but with many belts and bucklets. It was in the colors of your former house. It was a small homage to them, the sacrifices they had to make… to get you this posistion. Most of the time, it was reseerved for Terran born after all. YOu took your gear and marched out to the designation located. They were in a parade formation and you took your place. Often, the remeberancers were last in the pack when it came to civilian officers working with the primarchs. You have seen and felt the glares of the soliders and Marine alike towards the Rememberancer.

TO your surprise, the marines had placed you near the primarch, or at least closer than to the other civilan officers. You felt their jealous angry eyes peer through you.. feeling sick.. you just wanted to get this over with. Still, when the primarch arrived everyone minus the Marines bowed respectfully. The primarch stood at least 10 paces away from you and gave a nod to begin the signal. YOu marched with measured paces… after all, the Marines had to work with their pace. Over time, you were marching towards the ship.. the primarchs backside seemed to get closer and closer to you. It was subtle… but at the end of the march… you could just reach out and touch the metaltic wings that were extended from the simple jetpack. It had occured to you that you have NEVER sketched the primarch in his armor before, or really at all ever. He had ordered to draw Lycanean marines and propaganda themed art for the Imperium… maybe he just didnt trust you yet…

You had arrived on the primarchs flagship, where the escort asked you to show you to your rooms.. After all, the Navigators and others would be working double time to make up for Lord Corax's ship being repaired. The escorts marched you wordless towards your quarters. You were so tired… you immediatly changed out of your clothing and hung it over. YOu decided to shower.. it hadnt been a wtaer. Perfume could only do so much to cover up the smell. However, as you undressed, your gut turned. You felt like prey…Ugh.. maybe it was just jitteres from being on the ship and readjusting to the standard grav. It had taken you about a week to adjust to the Delliverance's articfical gravity. However, that thought really didnt change THAT feeling in your stomach. Either way, you had to shower and rest. YOu entered and started to clean your sweat stained body. The water felt devine on your skin. "Which primarch was Lord Corax assignted to be with that would make him so upset." You scrolled through the primarchs mentally before pausing…no… it couldnt be.. but your heart knew it was so. The Haunter. You dare not speak his name. You made a silent religous gesture. It made your gut weigh a little bit less… yeah. But why did you feel so violated..maybe some sleep would help with the issue.

Your dreams however were of a differnt story.. you were in the same ballroom, how ever, the room was empty. Ghostly music was playing off a flicking servo skull… You looked around… taking steps around the room, noting and reflecting its decrepit state. The room was large, with shattered windows, half broken tables with faded symbols on then, as welkl as tiny mothholes in it. You carefully stepped around a broken chandelier. Approaching the servo skull, you picked it up as the music sputtered died. "My lady" a deep rasy voice siad behind you. YOu turned around to see nothing. Backing away, you turned and saw a flickering light… and something emerged from the inky black. He had Corax's facial structure, yet damned and broken. His face often had random twitchs and tics. Pure black eyes were inset into a gaunt face. Noting the bags underneath his eyes did no favors to him. His face was in a mixture of a sneer and entitlement. He was dressed in powerarmor, the color changing from dark navy to black based on the flickering on the candlelight.

He was tall, yet slightly hunched back wit his long hair framming his face. His armor ran with silence, having a raven sigil on the left paudron and a bat skulled helm on the right side… He was armed with lighting claws on both hands, with his lighting bolts painted on his forearms glowed with inhuman inate power. He slowly approached you moving with a fluid grace with small shuffle steps to the side. You backed away, notcing the monstronitys claws… they were dripping ever so constantly…. "Would you care to do the Danse Macrbe?" YOu shook your head and bolted past him. You ran with all your speed sparing occanionsally looking back. You saw the monstronostiy grow four wings two more furry, while two more birdlike and turn… their claws dripping. YOu gave a scream and ran as the floor changed to gain a slope. YOu felt something thick coil around your ankle and with a thud you collapsed. It had you gave a scream and struggled trying to remove the whip from the angle.. the whip sharted to cimb up restraining more part of your body… You struggled and fought as the it came closer.. Your body struggle dnad convilng as the whip cut in so tight that it bruise your flesh. YOu stared into the things dark black eyes, with one having white iris while the other completely black. YOu stifled a shriek as it picked you up holding you as if your were a delicate flower. "Would you care for a dance?, the face started to change eventually resulting in a bird mammalian mix. You struggling more eventually dropping out of the things arms.. you struggled trying to move away.

The things looked (at least you thought) sa bit sad for a bit before smiling. It was a cruel cold smile as it slowly walked almostly mocking towards you.. You were crying now screaming and fleeing. YOu couldnt break free…You were spent… before you blacked out it said. "I will have that dance… like it or not." You woke up in a cold sweat.. bounded in the blankets like a cocoon.. Taking a deep breath, your throat was really dry. Getting up out bed and flipped on light, you noticed something… a shiny metal square.. Odd… metalworking wasn't really your expertise. Rinsing off your face and lifted up and saw that the room had changed a bit… the door seemed ever so farther away… turning to your left… you saw it, again now on all fours.. looking feral.. it turned in its maw heldf the head of your father.. You ran to the door as fast as possible, but your speed was no match for it.. It pouned on you its drool causing pain , as you squeaked trying to break free. In response it doubled its body weight, you could feel your bones being pushed to their extreme. Its maw seemed to extend its fanged teeth and its tounge slowly carrsessing your face, your screamed as you felt the acid spit started to melt your face. However, a voice was heard. "Dance with me… or your life is forfeit.."

You gave a scream.. Yes! The pain it was too much… as soon you screamed it was over. The scence was a beautiful ballroom again, it showed the Raven man again. The power armor was gone, but he was dressed in a bonewhite suit and he extended a hand to you and you took it. The Raven Man pulled you close, you could hear an offset heartbeat. The music started slow and low and soon built into a cresndo. YOu tried to follow the Raven man's steps. He was a much taller partner than you.. Eventaually the dance and the music ended in a flourish. The man gave you a weary smile. "Come back somethime. I would be happy to dance Anytime" He said it kindly enough, but the slight lean forward and the eyetwitch set off your gut.

You woke up. For the first time in a while, you felt well rested. Maybe that dream was needed, to give you the energy needed to deal with the Haunter. Who knows? You picked up your sketchbook and started to sketch the man again on your dream. However, something caught your eye.. something goldnen had fallen out of the sketchbook. It was a simple golden chain, yet when you felt its cold surface, you felt small dents, engravements maybe? but it seemed too small to read. You placed the cahin on your wrist. you had so many questions. "What did that dream mean? Who placed this braclet? were agmonst the few. You shook your head banishing those thoughts, you had to seize this new day.

👍

[karimwillia]

ICU

You got a feeling, a soul, that I need in my life (yeah, yeah)

And though we may grow, I don't know why we don't grow apart.

Fluff

“Rihanna Williams what are you saying? Do you genuinely not see a future for us?” “Shuri Udaku of course I do, I have seen us married with a pretty little girl who shares features of us both somehow. I have seen us on missions together as Panther and IronHeart. But I have to think practically.” Shuri is quiet as she processes what Riri is saying that future sounds AMAZING to her but is she just dreaming? A few tears well up in her eyes. “Logic would state that this could not be sustained. But what does your heart say? Do you honestly want to end what we have? Think of us over this trip alone.”

*Flashback*

“Princess your transport to Wakanda has arrived on the roof.” “Thank you Griot!” Sharon is standing at the threshold of her lab. “Good lord you down bad sister. You only leave this house to see her.” Riri cuts her eyes at her sister like she wants to kill her. “Sha have you seen Shuri wouldn’t you?” Ri’s face wears a mischievous smirk. “It’s the middle of the night so I suppose but you run to Wakanda every few days now you never rest.” Riri pauses Shuri is her soul mate. So while the schedule maybe hectic this is the sacrifice she will make. Shuri would do this in a heartbeat for her so what is her sister’s point. As a matter of fact the apartment Sharon and Riri are in is property Shuri purchased to her last year. She also owns one in Cambridge. This is so they can come and go as they please.

“Sha what do you suggest we do? I love her so I’ll do anything to make this work. You think Shuri should start traveling or something.” “No I remember when she was doing that. I just think you are just not balanced right now.” “Sha maybe so but we are doing what we can for now.” Sharon just shakes her head and looks at her sister. “I get it I do but please just think about having a conversation with Shuri about it.”

Once in the aircraft Riri is greeted by two Dora who are honestly her royal detail. Since they have been dating she is afforded certain privileges. “Nkosazana we will have you home in 7 hours.” Riri solutes them. “Thank you both. Griot status on Panther?” “The Panther is currently traveling to schools in the border tribe to give talks to the local Scholars. She will be able to meet you at the palace when you arrive.” “Thank you Griot let’s go home.” Riri’s mind is all a buzz with project ideas and seeing her Love. In the deep part of her mind Sharon’s words echo. Is their relationship too hectic to maintain? Maybe she should voice concern to Shuri.

The scientist wipes the thoughts from her mind. She is content for now. Is she jet lagged and would like a more stable schedule she would but the conversation will be had when it’s time. To be honest she travels because she can’t stand being without Shuri for long periods. They collectively decided after 6 months that only seeing each other on holidays was not going to cut it. So Shuri would make weekend trips now it is Riri’s turn.

Riri does not want to dwell on this anymore and she continues her sketches on her ipad. The flight goes by faster leaving at night. “Princess we are home.” Hasani her Dora announces as the jet crosses the border. The view of the city through the front talon window never gets old. It is so great to be home is all Riri can think of now.

While unloading Aneka and Ayo meet Riri on the tarmac. “Nkosazana seems so long since we’ve seen you.” Ayo smiles wide looking at Riri who she has become very fond of over time in working with her. “My love it was just last week…” Aneka misses the sarcasm of Ayo’s statement causing her to chuckle. “Thank you General it has been ages. Is she inside?”

The ladies gave each other a knowing look and answer. “She is indeed waiting for you in quarters. But before you go see her. We are requesting your assistance. The Midnight Angels will go out at the end of this week for a mission and we would love to have the IronHeart with us.” Listening intently Riri agreed to the mission with a nod and requests that details be sent to her beads ASAP. “Ok I will be ready.” With that Ayo and Aneka leave thanking Riri.

Riri’s escort is taken over by her Dora and she rushes to Shuri’s side. Shuri has turned off Griot in quarters ever since one night when they wanted to be intimate everyone in the world wanted to stop by. The alarms drove them crazy. So Riri is able to sneak in and catch her Lover preparing the room for a romantic evening.

“I hear you Entle you forget my enhanced senses don’t you?” Shuri allows Riri to wrap her from behind in an embrace. Kissing the exposed skin of her back Riri feels Shuri react. “I can’t forget them if I tired. You use them so well.” Chuckling low in her stomach Shuri can’t help her heart rate spike. Riri just causes it naturally. “Is this for me?” The room is dim with candles that smell of jasmine lit all around, Shuri setup a small dinner for just them and there are message oils near the bed. “Yes you have been traveling back and fourth so I wanted to pamper you today. If that is alright.”

This is why they work. They have a sacrifice and reward, 50/50 relationship. “I can agree to this if you sleep in with me tomorrow. I will make you breakfast.” “Your negotiation skills are getting better. I can’t refuse that.” The two kiss and the feeling is intoxicating.

*end of flashback

Crying Riri is turned completely around unable to look at Shuri. Realizing that logic cannot be at play here. Whenever she is with Shuri it’s like she is breathing fresh air, she needs Shuri and it’s all consuming. She hates to admit that. She hates to admit that no matter where life takes them she wants to be or have the Queen by her side. It eats at her when they are apart. Shuri walks up and wraps Riri in her arms with a gentle embrace. Placing a kiss to the back of her neck Riri instantly relaxes.

“Sthandwa please calm down. I did not mean for the question I asked to be this upsetting.” “It’s not that I just…before I left home my sister and I where talking. She pointed out how outrageous our schedules are lately and while this is ok for now. How long can we do this flying back and fourth? The thoughts started to take over. I was ignoring them but you know how my mind works.”

Shuri turns her around and holds her close cupping her face. “I do indeed know how your mind works. But you wanted to ignore it? Why not talk to me?” Shuri’s face is soft with a small smile. “Because Baby we work and I will do anything to keep you in my life. So why rock the boat? Even if I’m tired of traveling I will do it from now to the end of time if it means I’m with you. I want to touch you and see you. Distance does not work for us and breaking up is…” Shuri is smiling bigger as Riri rants. Kissing her forehead Shuri was laughing to herself. “What is so funny? I’m not a joke Baby.”

“No no you are not. It’s just that same thought has been on my mind. So I just asked you how do you see our future to hopefully surprise you. I have come up with a solution.” Holding up keys in her hand Shuri speaks clearly her plan. “I have it planned to take a year working remotely in the Cambridge outreach center. As you finish your last year in school. From there we can talk about you moving to Wakanda to head the engineering sector of the development team here. Or we can go to Chicago for sometime if you like.”

Riri could not believe it are they really that in sync? Lacing their fingers Riri places her forehead on Shuri’s “How does a Queen take a year off?” “Simple a Queen who has a trusted co leader and a very competent army.” Riri laughs dispute the tears. “I love you yo you have no idea.” Shuri closes the short distance and kisses Ri. It’s sweet and quick but it says so much. “I hope it’s enough to have my daughter. I liked that part of your dream.” Shuri has now picked up the shorter women looking into her eyes. Ri smirks with Shuri’s face in her hands. “I will have 10 for you if you wanted. You can have whatever you want.” Her tone was low. Gripping her legs Shuri commands the locks on their door be engage.

@somethingcleaverandwhitty @shuriris-stuff

[middleearthpixie]

Better Days ~ Chapter Nine

A/N: This is the follow up to Playing With Fire, but can be read as a standalone. I thought Frerin deserved a nice, steamy romp just like his older brother got with Leda, so this is his story. I know I’ve got like three other fics to update, but I thought maybe I’d throw this out there and see what everyone thought of it… 

Summary: Frerin Durin had the perfect life, until he found out his wife was cheating on him. Now, he’s navigating uncharted territory as an about-to-be divorced single dad. Dating is a mess, he’s dealing with the fallout where his kids are concerned, and really, he would just love a vacation away from all of it. 

Elena Madison is new to Sidleburg, and also navigating life as a newly single parent. The last thing she needed was for her daughter to come down sick, when she hasn’t even had time to unpack the moving boxes, never mind find a pediatrician. And the last thing she ever expected was to meet a man like Dr. Frerin Durin…

Neither Elena nor Frerin were looking for anything, but fate has a way of messing up even the best laid plans. However, both have been hurt and both aren't at all sure they trust themselves, never mind trusting someone else...

Pairings:  Modern!Frerin  x ofc Elena Madison

Characters: Frerin, Thorin, Elena, Carol, Ashley, Vanessa, various patients, and a resident who gets chewed out.

Warnings: None

Rating: T

Word Count: 3.8k 

Tag List: @mrsdurin @i-did-not-mean-to @lathalea @linasofia @fizzyxcustard @legolasbadass @kibleedibleedoo @xxbyimm @arrthurpendragon @exhausted-humxn-being @rachel1959 @laurfilijames @sketch-and-write-lover @sherala007 @enchantzz @knittastically @notlostgnome @myselfandfantasy @medusas-hairband @guardianofrivendell @jotink78 @sorisooyaa @ruthoakenshield @frosticenow @quiall321 @dianakc @buckybarnes-thorin @glassgulls @evenstaredits @heilith @asgardianhobbit98 @albionscastle @absentmindeduniverse @way-too-addicted-to-fandoms @sazzlep @court-jobi @masterofhounds

If you’d like to be added (or removed) to the tag list, please just let me know!

Previous chapters can be found here. 

Elena felt a pang of disappointment when she stepped onto the gym floor and saw what seemed like everyone in the world but Frerin there. Oh, well. It wasn't like they had a gym date. Besides, he worked nights. He had to be exhausted come six AM, so if he decided to go home and get some sleep, who could blame him? 

Still, the disappointment was there and there was no denying. The best she could do was try to ignore it as she moved to the row of flat benches to claim one, setting her bag down beside the last empty one. Chest day was her worst, as it seemed if she missed a single workout, it sent her right back to the beginning, all progress lost.

She wiped down the bench and when it dried, settled to warm up with just the bar. She had been up to one hundred and twenty-five before she and Alyssa moved to Sidleburg, and as she placed the plates on the bar, she offered up a silent prayer she could still push that much weight. 

After chalking her hands and lying flat, Elena gripped the bar and carefully lifted it from its rests. A little tough, but nothing she couldn’t handle, although by tenth rep, her arms were shaky. One-thirty was only slightly more difficult.

She realized halfway through her set of one-thirty-five that she’d made a terrible mistake as her arms trembled and the muscles screamed at her in protest. Gritting her teeth, she struggled to get the bar back up, a call for help bubbling to her lips.

“I’ve got you,” came a familiar voice and Frerin’s hands appeared between hers to grip the bar and he helped her guide it back to its rests. “You okay?”

Heat flooded her, but this time there was nothing pleasant about it. No, it was the scalding blush of abject embarrassment. She knew better. She definitely knew better. “I’m fine,” she managed, swallowing hard against the idiocy flowing through her. “I was a little too confident, I guess.”

“It happens. I almost dropped a bar on my face last week trying to push myself. That weird grunter guy saved my ass, believe it or not.”

“Grunty?” 

“That’s the one.”

She sat up with a wince, rubbing just below her collarbone, where the muscle burned some. “You’re lucky he didn't drop it on you. I’m convinced he’s more show than actual muscle.”

“He’s lucky he didn't drop it on me.” He dropped his bag beside hers. “And I’m sorry I’m late. My ex-wife was supposed to be at the house by ten, but didn't get there until almost ten-thirty.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like we had a date.”

“Yeah, but I said I’d be here and I try to keep my word.” He crouched before her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I just feel stupid. I know better than to lift my usual when I’ve taken time off. I should’ve had a spotter.”

“Yeah, you should’ve.” He smiled. “But, you’re okay and that’s the important thing.”

She looked around at the bodies crowding the floor. “These are not my gym people. I wouldn’t trust any of them.”

“Didn’t you say that about the other gym people as well?”

“Yeah. They’re all weirdos here.” She reached for her water bottle. “Did she give you a hard time?”

“Toni?” He shook his head. “No more than usual. She can’t quite understand why I don't want her just walking into my house.”

“Is it your house?”

“Damn straight it is. I bought her out last summer. I figured it was easier than waiting for a judge to order that we sell it and split the proceeds and have to uproot the kids and move.” He crouched to unzip the bag. “But, she still thinks of it as her house. Gets highly insulted that I won’t let her treat it that way any longer.”

She watched him rummage through the bag, and wondered if she should ask the question hovering on her lips. But, nothing ventured, so… “When will your divorce be finalized?”

“I have no idea. It depends on how much fighting we do, I guess. I told you she’s trying to get custody of the kids, didn't I?”

She nodded. “Yeah, but they don't want to live with her.”

“Right and you really don't want to hear all the grimy details about my divorce, do you?”

“Frerin, it’s okay. I wouldn’t ask if I didn't want to know.”

He sighed softly, raking a hand through his hair. “It just seems like something that would make you run like hell in the other direction, hearing me go on like a bitter broken record.”

“So, let’s talk about something else.”

“Like what?”

“Like…” She rose from the bench. “You showing me how you hulk out when you’re of the right mindset.”

He smiled then, and she could almost see his spirits lift. “I just did chest the other day, remember.”

“Frerin, that was Tuesday. You should be beyond recovered from then by now.”

“I should be, but I’m old and I don't bounce back the way I used to, you know.”

“Please. Somehow, I really doubt that’s true.”

“Spot me.” He winked. “Just in case.”

“Brave man.”

“Yeah. Balls run in my family.”

She moved around to the head of the bench to get out of his way as he added a more forty-five pound plates, and a ten-pound plate to each side. He sank onto the bench, then bent to rummage through his bag once more, coming up with black and red wrist wraps. Velcro crackled as he unrolled them, then wrapped each wrist, and then he stretched out on his back and wrapped his hands about the bar. 

The bar clanked softly as he slowly lifted it and while she didn't think he’d need her help, she made sure her hands were at the ready all the while trying like hell not to notice the way his black, long-sleeved workout top clung to the muscles he worked. Tried like hell not to notice how huge his hands were, or how thick his fingers were. 

Tried like hell not to notice how hot he was or how much she enjoyed fooling around with him on the sofa the other night.

Tried like hell not to think about what having sex with him would be like. 

That was the most difficult of to not think about because it was pretty much all she could think about. It had been a long time since she’d been attracted to any man, and the attraction she felt for him was far more powerful than any she remembered. 

But, she managed to hide it.

At least, she hoped she did.

He lowered the bar to his chest, then pushed it back up with almost no effort. But by the tenth rep, a hint of tiredness wove into his exhale and he let out a heavy breath as he set the bar back on its rests. “I’m getting too old to work overnights,” he groaned, maneuvering out from beneath the bar.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes with one hand. Elena crouched alongside him. “If you’re tired, go home and get some sleep. You have a nice quiet house, take advantage of it.”

“I won’t be able to sleep just yet. Still too keyed up from work.”

“Rough night?”

“Not really.” He reached for his water and unscrewed the cap, then brought it to his lips for a long swallow. “I only had two kids. One got bitten by his kid sister and the other learned the hard way why jumping off the top bunk is a bad idea. Other than that,” he recapped the bottle to set on the floor, “I was dealing with adults all night. The ER was a zoo and like every other department in that hospital, they’re short-staffed.”

“So you take one for the team.”

He nodded. “I take one for the team. And you know, I’d rather deal with kids. Adults kind of suck.”

She couldn't help her chuckle. “That depends on your point of view. I had to listen to four classes of seventh graders piss and moan over having to write five pages during break.”

“Wow, what a bitch Mrs. Madison is.”

“Right?” 

He stood then. “What weight do you want?”

“I think I’m done with bench presses. That last one actually kind of hurt.”

“Yeah? You want me to take a look? I am a doctor, you know.”

“Playing doctor here would be a bad idea,” she said without thinking. 

“Somewhere else would be a good one, though.”

“It might be.” She smiled up at him and nudged him gently in the ribs. “But, I think I’m okay so down, boy.”

He grinned and without warning, bent to kiss her. It was a brief, light kiss, and when he drew back, he said, “I’ve been thinking about that since I left your place the other night.”

She smiled, her belly alive with butterflies at the look in his pale blue eyes. “Of course you were.”

“No, really, I have been.” He moved to add a five pound plate to the near end of the bar, then went around to the opposite side. “I like the way you kiss.”

“Well, there’s something I don't think I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah?” He slid the second five pound plate into place. “Well, I do.”

He came back around to where she stood and smiled down at her. “Spot for me again?”

She looked at the weights. “All that is standing between you and death by being squished, is me. Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. You’ll be fine.”

“You’re a brave man, Dr. Durin.”

He stretched back out on the bench, looked up at her, and winked, then curled his fingers about the bar once more. Ten reps, a little wobbly at the end, five more pounds put on. Little by little, the gym began to fill up and a step class started up. The instructor propped open both classroom doors, so the techno music drowned out all sound.

Frerin sat up and twisted toward the classroom. “Is that woman deaf? The floor is vibrating.” 

He wasn't wrong. The weights on their rests moved from the vibration of the music and shaking her head, Elena said, “I can’t even hear myself think.”

“You want to go somewhere a little quieter?”

She smiled. “Are you asking me out again?”

“Yeah. Let’s go get a cup of coffee of something. This is bullshit.”

“I’m not exactly dressed for it.”

“Me, neither, and I don't look half as good as you do.”

“Uh, I’m a train wreck.”

“Nah.” He moved to tug the weights off the far end of the bar. “You’re a hot mess, which is better than a train wreck.”

“Is that so?” She grabbed the plates off the other end of the bar.

“Oh, yeah.” He nodded before turning to cross over to the wipes dispenser, where he grabbed two antiseptic wipes to bring back, and then proceeded to wipe down the bench and the bar. “So, what do you say?”

“Sure.”

“Great.” He smiled and moved back to crouch by his bag. He zipped it, stood, slung the strap over his shoulder and gestured toward the stairs. “After you.”

She picked up her bag and headed to the stairs and when they were at street level, said, “So, where should I meet you?”

“I can drive us both and we come back for your car.”

“Are you sure? I don't want to make you have to come all the way back.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He smiled. “I’m the Infiniti in the corner.”

He pointed to a silver QX50 parked somewhat off-kilter in between a Camry and an Elantra and as the rain fell harder, his hand came to rest at the small of her back. “Shall we?”

“Sure.” She let him hurry her toward the car, which he unlocked with the fob in one hand. When they reached it, he moved around her to tug open the passenger door and as she sank into the dark gray leather seat, he closed the door behind her.

The rear door opened and he tossed his bag onto the back seat, slammed that door, then climbed into the drive’s seat and hit the ignition button to turn over the engine. “We’re going to get looks, you know,” she said as he set the defroster on high and kicked on the rear defroster as well.

“Probably. But what are the odds we will ever see any of them ever again?”

She smiled as she sat back. “True. I just hope I don't smell.”

He looked over at her, one hand resting at the top of the steering wheel. “You didn't in there,” he said, nodding toward the gym building. “I think you’re safe. But,” he let out a slow exhale, “if you’d rather not go, you can just say so, you know. I’m a big boy. I can handle rejection.”

“If I didn't want to go, I wouldn’t have said yes,” she told him softly.

He leaned over then and as his lips met hers, she slid one hand along his neck, her fingers stretching up into his hair. His lips moved gently against hers and she parted them, his tongue soft and teasing as it swept along hers. 

The car’s interior seemed to warm quickly, and when he drew back, she saw the windows had actually steamed up a little, which made her smile. “I have fogged a car’s widows in a long time.”

“Yeah, me, neither,” he said with a breathless laugh. “And we should probably go if we’re going before someone calls the cops on us.”

She sat back. “Probably a good idea.”

He winked and eased the transmission into reverse to back out of the spot, shifted into drive, and maneuvered out of the parking lot, out onto Route Seven. Rain pattered the windshield, but the wipers made almost no sound as they swept back and forth to clear it. 

“I’m amazed that you’re so awake,” she told him. 

“I’m used to working overnights,” he told her, his hand resting on the gearshift, his long fingers relaxed over the knob. “And it’s better if I push through until nine or ten in the morning, then get some sleep.”

“It’s almost elven-thirty. Are you working tonight?”

“Six, yeah. I’ll be fine. I’ll go home and get a few hours’ sleep and hope it’s quiet tonight.”

“What if it isn’t?”

“Coffee becomes my best friend.”

“Frerin.”

“What? It does.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?”

“I’ll be fine, my patients will be fine. My nights are usually quiet.”

She shook her head. “Still, this could’ve waited.”

“Yeah,” he bobbed his head, “it could’ve, but I wanted to see you.”

Those words sent a delicious flutter through her, one she hadn’t felt probably since high school. “I would have understood.”

His hand rose from the shift and came to rest atop hers, and he linked his fingers with hers. “I didn't want to wait another day if I didn’t have to.”

As he spoke, those fingers tightened and his thumb brushed along the outside of her hand to send another rush through her. “Again, I’d have understood.”

He glanced over at her and grinned. “Am I pulling you away from anything?”

“Not at all. Alyssa is getting cranky—she just wants to get back to her life, so I’m glad to get out of the house for a little while.”

“What’re the two of you doing for Christmas?”

“Christmas?” She sighed softly. “We’ll do Christmas morning, then I’m taking her to Newark to catch a one o’clock flight to Florida.”

“Florida? Her dad?”

“Close. Her grandparents. She’ll spend the break with them and come home on New Year’s Day. What about you?”

“They’ll go to their mother’s on Christmas and be home the day after.” 

“So, you’ll be alone on Christmas, too?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I’ll probably go over to my brother’s for the day. It’s the twins’ first Christmas and our sister and her boys will be there as well.”

“That sounds like a lovely way to spend the holiday.”

He glanced over at her. “Noisy, is what it will be. Between Fíli and Kíli and six month old babies? I’m going to make it a short stay.”

The traffic light at Seven and Harper Street turned yellow, so Frerin slowed and as he did, the pager in the console began buzzing. He snagged it, glaring at the readout. “It’s the hospital. I have to answer this.”

“I get it. It’s okay.” 

He pulled off into a parking lot and took his cell phone from the clip on the dashboard. “It’s Dr. Durin, someone paged me?”

He glanced over at her and nodded. “Yeah, she came through the ER around midnight. They were waiting for a bed to open up in Ortho and she was supposed to go up then.” A pause. “Are you kidding me? She’s still there? Okay, who’s on for the Ortho—no, you know what, never mind. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

He hung up and slapped the phone back onto the clip. “I have to swing by the hospital. Remember the kid I told you about who jumped off the top bunk?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s still in the ER waiting on Ortho, so I’m going to go in and yell at whoever is on for making a ten year old sit in the ER all night on a leg that needs surgical repair. I can run you back to your car if you don’t feel like hanging around.”

“No, it’s fine.” She smiled. “I kind of want to see you in your element, when my kid is not the patient.”

He signaled and carefully pulled back into to traffic and a a few minutes later, he was pulling into the physician’s parking area of the lot. “Hopefully this won’t take too long.”

She climbed out of the Infiniti. “Don’t worry about it. It takes as long as it takes. I don't mind waiting.”

He pushed the door shut and she fell into step alongside him. “Now, you run the Pediatrics Department, right?”

“That’s right.”

“So, why are you in the ER?”

“We, like everyone else in the world, are short staffed. Too much burnout and not enough docs, so I’ve been covering when I can, like everyone else here.”

“That sounds exhausting.”

“It is. I mean, you get used to it, but that doesn’t necessarily make it easier.”

Elena braced herself for the icy rain as they emerged from the deck to the narrow roadway where ambulances and cars could pull up right to the ER’s doors, and turned her head to the side as the wind swept the droplets harder against her. 

The doors opened automatically and Elena scuffed her feet across the mats to dry the soles of her shoes so she wouldn’t slip and as the inner doors opened, Frerin caught her by the hand, explaining, “So I don’t lose you.”

He wasn't kidding. The ER was a madhouse, far busier than it was the night she’d brought Alyssa in. They passed through the ER waiting area, which was almost out of seats, it was so crowded, and at the doors, Frerin tugged his ID from his jacket pocket to swipe it, and as the doors opened, he said, “Carol, who’s on for Ortho this morning?”

A petite blonde looked up from her notes, her forehead creasing. “Frerin, what are you doing back?” 

“Ashley paged me about Hailey Miller. She’s still down here?”

Carol nodded. “Yeah, her mother’s been hounding us about getting her moved, but we have to wait for the consult and no one’s come down yet. It always gets like this when Harris is away and she’s in Maui until after the New Year.”

“Of course she is.”

“Frerin,” another nurse in cranberry stepped away from the radio, “Thirty-Seven is bringing in the victims of a two car collision out on Seven.”

“How many?”

“Five. Two are being airlifted to Robert Wood in New Brunswick, but the other three are on their way here and will be rolling up at any minute.”

“Wonderful.” Frerin clipped his ID to his tee shirt. “Do me a favor and find out who’s on in Ortho and tell them I want a word with them now.”

He looked back atCarol. “This is Elena Madison, would you mind showing her to the lounge while I go and find out what’s going on up there?”

“Not at all.” Carol smiled. “Come with—”

Before she could get the rest of the words out, the double doors leading from the waiting room slammed open and paramedics rushed in. “Seventeen year old driver of two-car MVA with crush injuries to lower extremities, BP is—”

Elena jumped out of the way as they hurried by her and just before he crossed into the exam room, Frerin looked over his shoulder at her. “I’ll be out when I can, Elena.”

“It’s okay!” She looked over at Carol. “Just point me in the right direction. They probably need you in there.”

Carol nodded. “Down around the corner, first door on your right.”

And with that, she was gone as well as more paramedics rolled up. From where she stood, Elena could see Frerin in the sage green tiled room, stethoscope in his ears, his attention on the injured kid on his table. 

“Look out!” 

She jumped aside once more, her, “I’m sorry,” lost in the clatter and whir of metal wheels. Since she didn't want to get hit again, or be in anyone’s way, she hurried down to the lounge and pushed open the door.

A willowy brunette was making coffee and turned as Elena came into the room. “Patients aren’t supposed to be back here. Is there something I can help you with?”

“Oh, I’m not a patient. I’m here with Dr. Durin.”

The brunette’s already wide dark eyes widened further. “Really? He’s not on right now as far as I know.”

“He isn’t, someone paged him about a patient and he came back just in time for the car accident to come in. I’m just waiting for him.”

“Oh. Okay. He knows you’re here?”

“I came with him, so yes, he does.”

“Okay. Then, I guess make yourself comfortable and if you’d like some coffee, there’s milk and half and half in the fridge.”

“Thank you.”

The nurse smiled and finished setting the coffeepot before going back out onto the floor. It was far quieter in the lounge than on the floor and Elena sighed softly as she sank onto the cracked leatherette sofa along the far wall.

[frogizzhc]

Sk8 Headcanons: Reki's Childhood Edition!

As a baby he was loud, whiney, rowdy, and a little rascal. Once he learned how to walk, he would find anything that was interesting to him and play with it, even dangerous things. Once he learned how to run, Reki would almost run into walls with how fast he would scurry around. His mom had so much trouble keeping up with him that she would practically always have to carry him in her arms to make sure he wasn't getting into anything that would harm him. Whenever Reki would go to daycare, he would try to interact with the other toddlers but no one really wanted to hang out with him, sadly. So he was left to color some coloring pages by himself in a corner or play with trucks and dolls by himself.

On his first day of elementary school, Reki got to make a couple of friends assigned at his table with him. They all shared common interests as any six year old would, drawing, playing with toys, and the current most popular kids show at the time. This little group of friends would often disrupt the classroom throughout the day, so they were all quickly moved to separate tables. Reki was pouty about this and whined to his mom when she picked him up from school that day. Those two friends he made on the first day had stayed his friends all throughout elementary school. At some point, Reki had a little crush on one of them but he always kept it a secret because he was too shy.

Going into middle school, the friend he had a crush on had moved away, so Reki became a little sad at this time because he didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. His other friend, on the other hand, had started to talk more and more about skateboarding, which got Reki a little interested. One day afterschool, his friend brought his skateboard, helmet, kneepads, and elbow pads to teach Reki how to skateboard himself. Reki was really slow learning how to skate board but he eventually got the hang of it. In the next schoolyear, he finally convinced his mom to buy him a skateboard. Reki was so happy to get his own skateboard so him and his friend could go to the skatepark together and practice some tricks. One day, though, Reki had suggested for his friend to try something really dangerous and accidentally got his friend really hurt. His friend's mom then didn't want Reki to hang out with him and cut ties with both Reki and his mom. His friend was in the hospital for a while and when he finally came back at the start of their ninth grade year, Reki's old friend just avoided him and didn't talk to him at all. Throughout the entirety of his last year of middle school, Reki wasn't really as focused as he should've been and instead of studying, he was doodling designs of what he'd want his own skateboard to look like. Reki would sometimes fall asleep at his desk in his bedroom with his sketchbook open and his mom came to check on him one night to find the abundance of sketches he made. She suspected he wanted to make his own board and decided they had no use for the shed in their backyard so she eventually surprised Reki with his very own workspace for making his own skateboard. He was so very grateful and by the end of his ninth grade year, he made his very own skateboard.

Reki started his first year of highschool pretty lonely and still feeling incredibly guilty about what had happened to his old friend. Reki hadn't seen him after a few weeks, so he thought he had moved. He would start to skate to school and despite it being lonely, he actually liked this time to clear his mind a little. One morning when Reki was riding his skateboard from school to home, he came across a man who was chasing after a skateboard that was coming towards Reki. Reki had picked it up for the guy and handed it to him. The guy introduced himself as Oka, he noticed Reki had a skateboard and asked him if he'd be interested in working at a skate shop. Reki was obviously interested but he'd have to ask his mom if he could work even first. A week later, Reki found himself working at Dope Sketch, he wasn't exactly making much, but he enjoyed having a job nonetheless. It didn't take long until Oka had him run deliveries of custom boards with him and introduced him to 'S' (of course he had to get that little pin first).

[Sorry if the ending is a little cut-off, I guess, I just didn't know how to end this giant head canon.]

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Saturday 29 September 1832

6 20

11 50

hazy but finish morning – a little damp on the flags and F69° at 6 ½ - haze and small rain as I went to L- Off to Lightcliffe at 7 25, there at 8 – waited some time before Mrs Priestley came down – sat 3/4 hour at breakfast with Mr and Mrs P- - then an hour’s reading volume 7 Paley’s works till she had done her several jobs - then  sat talking very comfortably and agreeably from 10 ½ to 2 very good friends  told her I had lately heard it said she was a very fascinating person all I said was kind and friendly as ever and perhaps more flattering than usual on the subject of her fascination at which she seemed not displeased quite as friendly open and consulting as ever to Mr P-   Mrs P- asked me to dinner at 4 but I declined, saying I had already made quite a visitation – said I had intended calling at Cliff hill, but it was too late – said I would call on the other Miss Walker instead - at Lidgate at 2 5 - Miss W- had dined and would go with me to Cliff hill, if I could wait till 4 – sat talking till off at 4 ¾ - and found Miss Walker at home glad to see us and persuaded us to stay to tea – came away at 7 - sat 1/2 hour with Miss W- at Lidgate and home in ½ hour at 8 ¼  - we get on very beautifully  I obscurely lovemaking and she all smiles said felt sure of my own happiness and I might be equally so of hers oh she was sure of hers but had been thinking last night whether she could make me happy and be a companion for me she said how happy she now felt and looked so as we sat on the sofa I joked her about being so formal in not taking cream till I had helped myself  she smiled and she would not do so at home but her aunt would have been astonished if she had not done as she did  in moralizing a little on how much we had both to be thankful for how happy we should be etc she said yes she had often looked at all her things and said what was the use of having them with nobody to enjoy them with her she said it all seemed now like a dream to her  I told her I had made up my mind in May  the moment I was at liberty to do so  so that it had been well enough digested by me however sudden it might seem to her and that I gave my happiness into her keeping in perfect security  said I had built the hut in purpose for her talked of our journey she is to have Mr and Mrs Ainsworth in February  they cannot come before  she wishes not to put them off and  therefore all other things suiting would rather not go away till February said I would wait for her talked of and advised her letting her house at Lidgate to our steward Washington  she should never want it again as long as there was room for us at Shibden  laughed and said let Cliff hill but on her saying Cliff hill! I thought it was too early in our day to mention and said I was only joking but I shall manage it all by and by she is getting more and more attached to me and I really do begin to be in love in good earnest her countenance lightens up she looks happy and I begin to think her at times pretty I begged her to take up her French and sketching again and we already begin to feel at home together and very  much (however little she may understand it) liked engaged lovers her servant came home with me with a lantern to Mytholm hill where I sent him back on meeting Cordingley and Rachel My aunt had been miserable about my being out so late and Marian set on me on my entering the room  that I must do so no more etc  in that sort of to-me-appearing dictatorial manner that I as usual could not stand it, and it ending with Marian’s crying and giving a nervous fit, however all got round again at last and I staid up till 11 with my aunt – telling her my real sentiments about Miss Walker and my expectations  that the chances were ten to one in favour of our travelling and ultimately settling together my aunt not to appear to know anything about it even to Miss W- till I had mentioned it to the latter my aunt [said] it had really come into her head as she sat in the drawing room this yesterday afternoon and seemed very well pleased at my choice and prospects I said she had three thousand a year or very near it as I had understood some time since from the Priestleys she thought my father would be pleased if he knew and so would both my uncles came upstairs at 11 – haze and small rain in the morning – cleared about noon, or before and fine day – very fine evening – only one man Dick working for me by day spreading ashes

[jodilin65]

MONDAY, JANUARY 30, 1995 I’ve been so preoccupied with other things that I haven’t written much lately. Goldie called last night from Sun City. Al’s sister’s husband died, so that’s why they’re there. They’re returning to Vegas today or tomorrow, then they’ll be back in Sun City on February 25th. She wants to get together with us on the 26th or 27th. Tom and I are looking forward to that, and then on March 1st, they’ll return to MA.

I cleaned the bathroom today, then I also ended up straightening up the patio. It looks very nice.

As of now, Tom’s put in 3 phone/cable jacks. In the living room and our rooms.

I’ve come to believe that Tom doesn’t want to move into my room all that bad. As much as I’d like for him to be here, I’m still not overly anxious about it due to hating “roommates.” Everyone needs their private space and I hate bed-sharing.

He’s home now, so bye for now.

Later…

I showed Tom all I did today which he was happy with and now he’s eating.

The sex is still good and more frequent, even though he doesn’t cum. I still have two theories about that. There’s something physically wrong with him, or he’s holding back. I believe more so that he’s holding back, waiting till he’s 100% ready to make a kid (if all’s OK with me). He says, “But I’m going to,” so if he’s not fooling himself and in denial of something that may be wrong with him, then I’d say he has a plan for February to sometime in April maybe to start.

I made a drink called Bride’s Pink Punch that I got out of the cookbook. It’s pretty good. It consists of Jell-O, pineapple juice, Kool-Aid, and 7-up.

I accidentally began to record over a part of that Terry Jacks song, so I called to request it today to no avail. After two hours of not hearing it, I gave up. That’s how it is, though, when you request a song from any station. It’s 50/50.

Yesterday I did a tremendous amount of story writing. Five pages in a small font. Small print, I mean. On and off I’ll be copying that into book 88. The story begins on a few clumps of pages in 83 & 83, then goes through all of 87. After 88, I may use 89. That’s also one Marge gave me, along with 88 that I was doing sketches in.

Not much else is happening, so I’ll see ya.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 28, 1995 We’ve been quite busy and productive lately. Yesterday Tom put a phone jack in the living room and today he put one in my room.

I left Andy a message about my ear and I spoke to my mom yesterday and Tammy today. Tammy’s gonna email a few recipes. Stuff she says you’d think you slaved over all day, but that really takes only 15 minutes or so to make.

I got a surprise on Prodigy today. A message from Alex which I printed out and put in my binder with my other letters.

Last night I woke up at 2:15. I was still sort of tired, so I fell back asleep from about 5:30-7:30 this morning. I had the most explicit wet dream involving Tom ever. He was about to go down on me, then began looking around the house for sex toys. He said that in two weeks he was “secretly” gonna pick a date for us to screw to make a baby. It was rather strange.

We screwed today in real life, though. That position I mentioned before that we do in bed. I came sooo hard. My period had ended yesterday, but due to my cumming so hard I bled for a few hours today and even had a little cramping. That happens, though, and he certainly didn’t tear or rupture anything and I felt no pain or discomfort at all.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 27, 1995 In an hour we're going food shopping, so I thought I'd update now. Yesterday's appointment was good and not so good. The graft inside is pretty much healed, but my ear canal is collapsing. This is a common thing which is called osteotoma or something like that. I have to insert a small funnel-like thing in it every day to keep it open.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 26, 1995 I haven’t written in a couple of days due to being busy working on 87. I finished it yesterday and today I may begin 88.

Not much to tell right now. Today at 4:30 I have to see Dr. Nielsen.

On the night of the 24th, I woke up with my period in full force. I feel so much better. My sore tits and mood are better. This period brought two new things, but I can’t complain. Instead of spotting a day or two in advance like usual, it just came full force all at once. I also only needed two Ibuprofens, not 2000. Usually, it’s fairly heavy for 4-6 hours, but I’m still flowing heavy. The good thing about it is, though, that I have no cramps and this gives my period a chance to “catch up.” Remember, the last period was a week late and only lasted two days.

MONDAY, JANUARY 23, 1995 I just talked to Andy, his straight friend Karson (female), and his gay friend Robert. He’s never met these people, but he’s been phone pals with them for a year.

He says to try 100.7 as this station’s supposed to play music from the 60s, 70s and 80s.

Yesterday Tom and I went to Target. He got two pairs of pants and I got two word-find books and a puzzle. This puzzle has 1000 pieces. It’s of an old house set back in a wooded area with tulips and other kinds of flowers around it.

Well, there’s really not much else to tell now, other than something that Tom said that made me very happy. He said, “I probably want a kid more than you do. I just don’t bring it up too much so as not to pressure you.”

I told him he can bring it up all he wants, as this helps me to want to conquer my fears even more. I don’t want to keep running away from things that seem overwhelming and taking the easy way out, and he’s got lots of faith and confidence in me.

I also picked up birthday cards for Sandy and Jennifer.

Last night Andy called me with a girl named Cindy. At one point I began singing a few lines and he said, “Wow. Your voice seems different since the operation. It’s more stereoized.”

Well, when I first was able to wear headphones after the surgery, Tom said I sang with them on like someone hearing from both ears. Before, he said I sang like I heard from one ear. I don’t know what they mean and I don’t feel a difference when I sing, but this is just what they told me.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 21, 1995 I was just watching TV and I polished my nails.

The other day Tom and I went through the cookbook Ma sent and we got some stuff to make a couple of things. There’s this one mint chocolate shake kind of drink, though, but we have no cocoa malt. I used hot chocolate mix along with the milk and peppermint extract, but it’s kind of weird tasting. We’ll see how it tastes after I throw some vanilla ice cream in it.

Earlier, Tom and I fucked in that awesome position in bed again. Neither of us came, but it sure felt good.

At 5 PM yesterday, we went over to his parent’s house. I met Steve, his wife Carol, and her son Matthew from a previous marriage. The first thing Carol said was, “She’s gorgeous! Steven, look at her.”

Sure still is weird coming from another woman.

Anyway, they’re all very nice, and Matthew, who’s 12, showed me some of his cartoon drawings which were very good. He wants to be a cartoonist.

They live about an hour and a half away from Marla, who lives in Hayward, CA.

After I listen to music, I’ll write about this really funny and bizarre thing I saw on HBO called Taxicab Confessions.

Later…

What that show was all about was New York City cab drivers who knew they were being filmed, but their customers didn’t. There was a gay guy bragging about all his boyfriends. A transvestite and a hooker (naturally, the hooker had kids). Just about all these people used every word in the book from motherfucker to cunt. A cop, who I doubt really was a cop, that was describing the full bloody details of all the dead bodies he’s seen. A guy who beat up some guy for stealing from a dead man’s family. Five fairly hot-looking girls in their 20s. An old guy playing a fiddle and two foreign college guys discussing American women. A girl with a pierced nose, lip, tongue, eyebrow and clit.

Now here’s the most interesting one of all: I wasn’t surprised how she only was out for sex or that she seemed really ditzy, flaky, air-headed and probably on drugs. However, this very feminine lesbian who did only women (she wasn’t bi) really made me wonder. Where the hell was she and the supposedly many others like her before I met Tom?

The cab driver was definitely a butch. She claimed to be married, though. Yeah, she looked like a wife or a mother, but more so a butch. She thought the woman was hot (she was) and would’ve gone home with her if she wasn’t working. I’ll bet if I was in that cab driving this girl, she’d never have hit on me like she was hitting on that driver. However, that’s the scoop on it. Fems don’t go for other fems. They go for butches.

I finished that book last night and it was good. I may check out the library one of these days.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 20, 1995 What shall we discuss now? Well, I still have my #1 dream that I was practically born with. I want to get on with doing whatever I can possibly do with singing.

And if Tom never cums and I should get pregnant? Then I guess I’d have to say that was very meant to be after all. The same “kid signs” have been there more so in the last several years as with the “male signs.” You know how I always said it was quite obvious and that I knew I wasn’t meant to be with a woman due to getting all the wrong ones and the endless offers from guys? Well, I was right, as we all know. The same signs are there saying to have a kid and while there’s much less of them to deal with here, I still do deal with them occasionally, unlike before 1992. I wonder why I’m not pregnant yet then? Maybe it really would kill me physically and mentally, God knows that and is protecting and sparing me. Isn’t it me who always did and still does fear that?

Gotta go take my meds now. Also, I’ll probably finish the book. I may write more later if sleep’s not a blessing.

Later…

Sleep was definitely not in my cards last night and I was really pissed off. At 4:30 or so I sat up all sweaty, went crashing into the bathroom, and threw cold water all over me. Tom heard me and came out and was talking with me. I was really feeling like a failure at the time and afraid I’d never be able to do anything. He said I was trying to change too much too fast and depriving myself of sleep. He reassured me that all would be well and to sleep as long as I needed to and don’t worry about my appointment - I’ll get there fine. So, I slept till 3:30 today and I feel tremendously better, but I’ve got to be honest with you. When things like this happen I become gladder and more understanding as to why we can’t have a kid. He disagrees, but I know I could never do it.

I called and wished Lisa a happy birthday today. She’s 12.

Finally, Tammy had great news about Bill. She said he’s as clean as a whistle and has a 90% cure possibility.

I let her know their disks are on their way, too.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 19, 1995 I guess I ended up taking quite a long break, huh?

Before I get into the pros and cons of Tom moving into my room, I must say one other thing.

I’d like to have Tom move in to give me more of a sense of “normality.” He also says it’d make it easier to have sex more often and would make him feel better overall, too. He can sleep through anything, too. Lights, movement, music, and the fan. I slept fine when he slept in here after my surgery, but now that I’m better and even though people tend to move less on a waterbed, I’m still afraid I’ll be woken up more often. Like several times a night. Also, I feel that everybody needs their space and their own little private domain. If we’re fighting, the last thing I’m gonna want to do is be closer to him. We did talk about moving my stereo, card table and bookcase in there, so that’s cool. I told him he could bring up moving in this weekend at some point during the weekend, but I have a feeling he may not do so. I sometimes wonder if he’s as anxious as he says he is about moving in. Truthfully, he can take his time as far as I’m concerned. I’m not going anywhere.

Later…

Gosh, I wish I was tired! Instead, I am wide awake. I fell asleep at 3 AM last night and set the alarm for 10. I didn’t quite get out of bed till 11:15.

Tom watched me work out earlier and I did all of each exercise. How the hell I did, I don’t know. Especially when it’s been a while and I’m feeling as flabby as Jell-O.

I’m almost done with that book. Got 20 pages left.

Tomorrow morning Tom’s going grocery shopping. If he doesn’t, though, we’ll go together at night.

He’s also gonna take his parents to the racetrack, find out business license information, finish Tammy’s disk, then we’ll go meet his brother at his parent’s house in the evening.

Out in the kitchen, there’s a list of the stuff we want to do during his next two days off.

He and I both have expressed how we’re glad there’s been more sex and hope to have even more. However, I hope he doesn’t use the busy next two days as an excuse to put off sex as well as an opportunity to instill and almost force patience in me. Just like I fear he may try to do with us having a kid. He’s even admitted on his own to me that he’s got to stop making various kinds of excuses. Tom’s never proven himself to be a liar to me, but sometimes I feel he may not always be too upfront with me or himself.

The force of patience idea is an example. Meaning, he never said he was doing that, but for some reason, if I really can have a kid, I wouldn’t be surprised if it were born when I was 32-33.

Another example is Tom’s response to our talking about his cumming: “But I’m going to.”

Sure. Uh-huh. He’s said this 1-3 times a month since we met. If it wasn’t for a good part of me wanting a kid, believe me, I’d be thrilled. Less stench and mess. Great method of birth control too, cuz very rarely does one get away, so to speak.

In a way, I’m sort of glad Tom can sometimes be hard to figure out and thoroughly understand. The same with “God’s” plans and motives. It gives me something to do. You know how I love to figure out shit. Or try to, anyway. Yup, I would’ve made a great detective.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 18, 1995 Andy didn’t come over, but we chatted on the phone. We called Marla, but she wasn’t there. We chatted with Evan for a while.

I began doing something I haven’t done in years. Reading. I’m reading a book called Basic Instinct. It was a big movie a couple of years ago. I haven’t seen it yet, but I’d like to eventually. The last time I was into reading was when I was living on Oswego St. in Springfield, so we’re talking late 1987 to early 1988 was when I got sick of it.

Andy said that for the laughs of it, he took pictures of our old apartment buildings in Springfield, his old place on Belmont Ave., and my last place there on Woodside Terrace.

Later…

Up till I was in my early 20s, I couldn’t write sloppy if I tried. Now it seems I couldn’t write neatly if I tried. I know I should really work on printing more often.

I just realized something funny, yet true. When I came the last time he and I came, I asked him what it felt like. He said he didn’t feel anything. I thought most guys could feel a woman cum when he’s inside her and he’s said, “It feels really good,” in the past. He probably said that cuz I said and insisted that I couldn’t feel or see any evidence of when he said he came. He said, “Stuff did come out. I know it was on me. Maybe the KY jelly has something to do with it.”

Yeah, maybe the KY jelly did affect it. Who knows?

Yesterday I didn’t fall asleep till 4:30 or so and I set my alarm for 11 AM. At 11:45, I finally dragged myself out of bed. Hopefully tonight I can go to bed an hour earlier and get up an hour earlier. Why am I doing this? For two reasons. So I can do stuff with Tom this weekend, and in case I ever need to if there’s ever a baby. I know that that’s both a very premature and ridiculous idea when there never is going to be a baby, but oh well. A good chunk of the time, I’m still grateful there isn’t so we can have our lives.

If there’s one thing I definitely need to work on, it’s living my life for how it is now. Not for how it more than probably won’t be. I must not spend too much time preparing for the future so as not to miss out on the present. Regardless of whether or not I’m planning “accurately” in the future. No, I have no regrets about all the men (and women) whose offers of sex or relationships I turned down. In doing so, I spared myself 5,000 truckloads of misery and feelings of loss of pride and respect. Also feelings of boredom, settlement and non-fulfillment. If I had accepted what was available to me, think of all the more experience I’d have. From what Tom’s expressed, though, he’s glad I haven’t had tons of experience cuz everybody’s different. True. The only way I would’ve been a slut and loved every second of it would’ve been if reality was filled with lots of gorgeous gay fems, also wanting other fems. It’s so funny when I look back on it now and talk about it now. It’s amazing how I and my life have changed so much.

Anyway, what’s going on in current events? Japan just got rocked by a massive earthquake and there are over 3,000 people dead.

A father beat his 6-week-old son to death. Get this, though. The guy was said to have been desperate for a family and even paid a surrogate mother 30 grand to have the kid.

God’s a real winner if He’s truly “controlling” things, as I believe he is. The more fucked up you are, the more you’ll be “chosen” to have a child. Life may not be fair and we may be “too good” to qualify for having a kid, but I am forever grateful and thankful for the wonderful things I do have and the freedom to enjoy them. Yes, I truly can’t imagine my life without being able to write, sing, work on the computer, etc. and sleep during the day like I do a lot.

David and his friend came and got the motorcycle today before I got up.

I sat outside today and it was blissfully quiet. This was probably only cuz it was cool out. Did I get any color on my perfectly white face? Of course not. Plus, I was only out there to read a couple of chapters of the book I’m reading.

This weekend Tom says we may discuss us sharing this bedroom, but I don’t know, cuz I don’t know if he’s that anxious. I love the idea of him moving into my room for several reasons but I’m also like – no way! After I take a break I’ll get into the reasons why even though I’m sure I’ve probably gone through all this before.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 17, 1995 We just had awesome sex! It was a position we never did before. He laid in bed on his side and went inside me while I was on my back. The thing that’s cool about it is that I came!

Anyway, he’s now about to put together a huge poster. Remember all those animal drawings I did that he scanned into the computer? Well, he blew up one of the elephant drawings I did and it’s about 6’ wide and 6’ tall.

I finished that puzzle, even though there were 3 pieces missing. This weekend we may get more, but we’re definitely getting Tom new pants.

Later…

Tom just went to bed so I don’t have much to do right now other than write while I wait for Andy’s call. We spoke last night and he called Marla. We didn’t get to talk to her, though, cuz she was busy, but we spoke to her husband Evan. Yes, they ditched AOL, but we’re gonna call her tonight to discuss whether she’s getting Prodigy or what.

Andy also may come over. For me, he has a cactus plant, an article on Gloria, a tape of an interview she did and I believe that’s it. For him, I have that movie, the magazine with the Phase-Out and 27 NPN envelopes for him to mail. He agreed to mail them all at once as I asked him to. However, he says that he’d like to open one out of each batch I give him, then put whatever was in there into another NPN he has. He said he’s curious to see what I’d put in one of them. Well, I really wish he wouldn’t do that, as I don’t want him to see some of my stupid and silly little story drafts. Those are mine and I don’t want anyone who knows me to see them. I can’t stop him from doing whatever he’s gonna do in the privacy of his own apartment, but I sure wish there was a mailbox close by. I’ll see if he knows of any drop boxes nearby. I know that somewhere near here there is a post office with boxes you drive up to. One’s for in-state and one’s for out-of-state.

Can’t wait to show him this journal and others. I told him about the tie-dye curtains and my chat with Larry.

MONDAY, JANUARY 16, 1995 Today I took my plain curtains and dyed them purple in the washer. Then I hung them out on the line. Then I took an old small pot we never cook out of and one by one I put 8 different color dyes in it outside in the backyard. I filled each one half-full of water from the hose, then took this plastic teddy bear candy dish to splash out the dye onto the curtains. So, now I have tie-dyed curtains.

Last night I couldn’t fall asleep, so I did most of the puzzle of horses. That’s really all I’ve done since I last wrote, so I guess I’ll go work on the puzzle some more now.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 15, 1995 Some of the stuff I’m gonna mention I probably already have, but I’m just gonna make sure I’m thorough.

This whole entire house has never looked better than it does now. Just about everything in the back room is in place and organized. I recently went through all our papers and filed them in the file box. I put all the computer disks in one box and tidied up odds and ends. Yesterday we both did lots of laundry during our busy day of drilling the hole in the wall, wiring and weeding.

For the longest time, there was a thick wire strung from the living room, across the living room/kitchen doorway, through the hall, past the bathroom, and into Tom’s room. That’s all gone now as Tom has cable and a phone in his room. This will sure make vacuuming a lot easier. So far, the cable and phone are working in his room. We’re gonna fix one of the 19” TVs so I can have that in my room. Lastly, he’ll do the phones in the back room and the living room. We’ll probably end up with two phones in the living room, one in my room and one in the back room. There’s one computer line, too. He said he’s not sure yet what and how he’s gonna go about doing the audio and video wires.

I just got through to that radio station and they’re gonna play that song for me that I haven’t heard in years and have been dying to have on tape.

Yesterday we made the beds and today I went through all his clothes. He has a dresser with 4 drawers and on top, I put his underwear, socks, bathing suit, and long pants. The second drawer has his shorts and about 5 shirts.

I made a pile, as he asked me to, of clothes that looked stained or too worn out. This consists of socks, underwear, shirts and a pair of shorts. He’s gonna go through that and he can decide what to do with it.

I may or may not have mentioned this, but he went over to his parent’s house yesterday and she gave me 4 cookies she baked that she knew Tom didn’t like. They were pretty good.

She also had a gift there for us from his brother Steven and his family in CA. It was a book of 3-D images, and believe it or not, I can see them! Some of them I can see instantly. She also gave Tom a puzzle of horses.

OK, so now I think I’ve got every day before today all updated.

I called Larry today as it’s his 41st birthday and we had a good talk. We didn’t discuss it, but he got my letter about Jenny. Obviously, he understood, just like I understand where he’s coming from as far as the stuff he’s told me. He knows that other than my journals, Tom and Andy I won’t say anything we talked about to Tammy or to mom and dad. I also know that whatever I tell him is safe with him. There are 3 things I know he’s always been good at from what I could always see, regardless of if we were in contact or not. 1. He can keep a secret. 2. He’s a dependable hard worker. 3. A good father. When I told him that if we ever have a kid, I hoped to be as good of a mother as he is a father, he said, “Thank you.”

Anyway, the things me and Tammy say about him won’t get back to him and the things me and Larry say about her won’t get back to her. Despite the fact that Tammy’s been more positive towards me for the last few years, I had to laugh about some of the things Larry said about her cuz they’re so true. I’ve always felt that Tammy was a lousy mom, cuz of her moods and temper, but I’ve never told her this. It’s not my place to and it wouldn’t change things. Anyway, Larry said he wasn’t surprised that Tammy’s a lot like mom was and that he remembers her hitting one of them (probably Lisa) at his house. If I’m remembering right, the last time they saw each other was before she met Bill. Or actually, it was in 1989 for the unveiling of Nana and Pa’s gravestones. Bill was probably there with her, but Becky and Sarah weren’t born yet.

Anyway, he said that Tammy did something very bad to both of them. I’m not sure specifically what he’s talking about and I didn’t ask. When he said that even Sandy won’t forgive her and doesn’t want to talk to her, I knew they had to feel it was quite serious, heavy-duty shit. You see, Sandy’s so passive and easygoing. She’s always been a really sweet, friendly person. I can’t picture her ever going off or saying the word damn, let alone the words shit, fuck or asshole. It takes a lot for her to turn against anyone. He said he’s standing by his wife’s feelings and isn’t about to say, “Hey, this is my sister. You have to do this.” That’s cool, just like Tom and I can compromise. He won’t tell me I can’t see someone he doesn’t like and play daddy, but I’ll see that person away from here or when he’s working or asleep. He said if they do go see her it’ll be for two reasons. To make mom and dad happy, and to have something to laugh about. He respects Dad’s feelings more than Mom’s.

He says while he feels sorry that Bill’s got cancer and wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy, he doesn’t know the guy and knows that if he goes down there, she’s just gonna be phony and pretend to be Mother of the Year while sucking up their sympathy, saying she’s changed. I hate to say this, but yes, I can honestly see that. She’s always been such a major hypochondriac.

He said that he’s sure that if he gives her his number she’ll call every 10 minutes. Yeah, I can see that too, but only with him. This is just cuz she’s very desperate to see him and I can understand that. When he dumped me, it was like, oh well, I’m used to this and life goes on. However, it really hit her hard.

The part that cracked me up is when he said, “She could call me and I could put the phone down, get in my truck, go out and get some coffee and a donut, come back and she’ll still be there talking.”

Now, who do you suppose that reminds me of? Nervous, of course. I told him a little about him and how I called him collect from the beach, told him to hang on, listened to 7 songs and when I returned, he was still there waiting.

Anyway, it turns out that Tammy called Mom upset that she doesn’t have his number and then Ma called him about it. Larry just laid out his feelings about that and hopefully, Ma won’t bug him as I agree with what he said. You can’t make someone do something, and he still has to live his own life. I asked her not to let Tammy know that I’ve got his number so no one’s feelings get hurt when I called there to ask for the dates of Sandy’s and the kids’ birthdays. We chatted really quickly, but I’ll get into that after.

The DJ played that song for me and I, as well as others, have called requesting a song called One Tin Soldier, but he can’t find it. He says he’ll keep on looking for it. The other song I just got was Seasons in The Sun, but it’s not by Terry Jackson, it’s by Terry Jacks.

Anyway, back to my talk with Larry. He’s just taking it easy today. Everyone’s fine. I told him of our busy day yesterday and they said they added a sliding glass door and a deck off of the master bedroom, but the house needs some work. He says he has to redo the driveway. He’ll try to send me a picture of them. The weather’s 60º, but it’s damp, raw and rainy. That’s the usual January thaw they always have.

He told me a really funny joke: What do you get when you put a potato on a dick?

A dictator

I asked him where he’s getting all these jokes from and he said he hears them over the CB. He had a scanner on in there.

Anyway, that’s the bulk of our conversation, but if I remember anything else we discussed, I’ll jot it down.

I called mom and some woman answered, saying her name was Teresa. She’s obviously someone I’ve never met and she goes, “Your mom never told you anything about me?” but she knew who I was. I asked her how they met, and she said at some bar. I told her and Mom that at least she’s got a sense of humor.

Ma gave me their birthday dates and it goes like this: Larry’s August 2, Jenny’s February 4, and Sandy’s February 5.

Later…

After Tom and I screwed, and neither of us came, we had a discussion. Cuz I can only cum by him going down on me, I can somewhat relate to him. However, I told him I feel awfully guilty about his not cumming and that I feel he’s indirectly blaming me for it. He insisted there’s no one to blame and it’s his problem which he’s had before with others and that he really did cum that one time. I told him I have a mixture of feelings and questions about it. He says there is no subconscious underlying fear of having a kid, but he feels no urgency for it and that he’s got time. I had wondered if he was trying to force patience in me and I know he’s mentioned my getting pregnant in April and having it at the end of 1995 or the beginning of 1996. I still want to do whatever I can with my singing and hobbies, but I guess I figured there was no reason to wait.

Well, I may have been wrong when I swore that gay or straight I could never get a decent person and have a great relationship and about getting my foot in the door with my singing sometime in 1994, but I’ve also been right on lots of stuff. I was right when I knew in my gut and heart that it wasn’t meant for me to be with women as well as other stuff and I know I’m right when I say there isn’t ever gonna be a kid. Probably not even if he came in a big way every day. I know that the sooner I can accept that I’ll never have a kid, the better off I’ll be, but it’s not so easy to do. I know I can and will do it though. It’ll just take time. Just like it took time for me to accept the fact that I could never be with a woman, except for 1-niters, or the wrong types. I can’t make or force myself to get over it at the snap of my fingers, but when I think about the dark and realistic side of it, it helps. You know, all the shit you go through physically, mentally and financially.

I wonder what in the world Andy’s up to. He must really be working like crazy. It’s not too much like him, though, to not call for a few days. Also, I have the Lindsay Wagner movie I taped for him and I’m sure he’s fairly eager to see it.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 14, 1995 Between the two of us, we got a tremendous amount of work done. All by myself, I weeded the backyard. It wasn’t hard at all. I hosed down the gravel and dirt, dug the weeds loose with the shovel and pulled the weeds up by their roots. I planted a narcissus bulb that Tom got from his parents today. I don’t know if it’ll grow, though.

This morning Tom amazed me by arranging his room, sorting through stuff and getting rid of garbage. My job tomorrow will be to arrange his clothes in his dresser.

Today he made a hole in his room to the outside for the phone and cable wires. Next weekend, he’ll come from his room, through my wall, and into my room.

In a little while I’m gonna dust everything off and put stuff away, then take a shower. I desperately need to shower and wash my hair.

We did laundry today too, and aired this place out by the open window in his room and the front and back doors. The weather was nice and thank God it was peaceful out. They weren’t out next door and I’m sure they really heard the racket we made! Like I feel sorry for them after all the noise they’ve dumped on us?

FRIDAY, JANUARY 13, 1995 Another Friday the 13th! Tom’s in the shower now and soon we’re going food shopping.

He tried to fix one of the tracks on my stereo that’s been sounding a little soft and fuzzy. However, it’s an unfixable old piece of shit. He did a little bit of weeding out front and later he’ll do it out back.

Today I’m sending out letters to Bob, Kim and my parents. I probably won’t be able to get letters from Minnie again, but I have not heard too much from Kim or Bob. Kim’s very busy and Bob’s either sick, having trouble getting stamps, or is too depressed. You know how he is.

Later Tom’s gonna go up in the attic to check out how he’s gonna string those wires.

Later…

We went food shopping and Tom went to pick up my Proventil.

It’s turning out to be a really nice day out there. I wish it were a bit warmer so I could get some color.

Later…

Tom made all his decisions on what he feels is the best way to string wires through here for audio, video and cable. The phones, too.

I went through the cookbook Ma sent and highlighted some stuff that looked interesting.

Tomorrow I’m gonna call Larry for his birthday and tomorrow I’ll mail out Lisa’s card and her $10 check.

I got a lot of mail today. A 1-page letter from Alex, a 4-page letter from Kim and an 8-page letter from Bob. Yup, Bob was having trouble getting stamps till his sister sent him some.

Tom and I swapped light fixtures. They needed to be cleaned and his was nicer looking.

He moved the motorcycle down the end of the garage where there’s lots of stuff and where the car never goes in and out. The motorcycle’s David’s and he’s picking it up for a friend to have this Wednesday at about 11 AM.

This may sound confusing and funny and may not make too much sense. It’s rather complex, but that’s what this book is for, isn’t it? Lovemaking has been no problem for me. There’s no pain or pressure. I even had no problem today when I was on top.

But his verbal desire to have a kid doesn’t go with his actions (sexually). Doesn’t he know that regardless of how much he’d prefer not to cum, he’s gonna have to in order for me to get pregnant? Doesn’t he know just how slim the chances are of me getting pregnant without him cumming? His dick goes from hard to semi-hard and back and forth like that. When he’s inside me he goes fast, but only occasionally and for a few seconds. He mainly goes very slowly.

A million ideas run through my head. He always goes to the bathroom before sex. Is there some secret thing he does in there that’ll stop or decrease my chances of getting pregnant if I can in the first place? Does he really have a problem he’s in denial about? He swears it has nothing to do with me and he apologized for blaming me, saying he had been too much of a wimp to admit it was him. He says he wants us to have a kid with confidence and isn’t nervous about being a father, but could he really have an underlying subconscious fear about it that’s preventing him from cumming? It just seems unnatural to not be nervous, even if you’ve got such tolerance and patience.

Later…

Tom cooked up some bacon and now he’s working on the computer.

I typed up all the letters I got. It sure goes faster that way, rather than when I write them in.

I have almost 30 NPN envelopes to give to Andy. He had told me he opened one to see what I put in them and that he mails them off slowly one by one. I’d really prefer it if he didn’t open any and if he’d mail them all at once. I wish there were a regular mailbox close by!

Tom just came in to see what I was doing. He’s gonna make a sandwich now but asked him what I should write on these last 26 pages.

He won’t let me read his journal yet on the second computer, saying he hasn’t written enough yet. I teased him by saying I cracked his secret code, found where he’s doing it, and read how he got it off with some guy in the backseat of his car on his lunch break at work.

Later…

I wrote that I was gonna call Larry tomorrow, but I meant Sunday.

Tom went to bed and I’m just about ready to do the same. Tomorrow I’ll type letters to Bob and Alex, but I may not send them off right away. I want to wait till we get more stamps. Maybe I’ll do a letter to Kim, Tammy and my parents again, too. We’ll see.

In the meantime, I hope Andy leaves me a message, letting me know when it’ll be a good time to get together. If not, at least exchange the stuff we have for each other. If I don’t see him 2-3 days before his birthday, I’ll mail him a card. I’ve already got one for him. That crayon can and Myst journal, he’ll get as close to his birthday as possible, but his birthday isn’t until February 15th.

Kim said she was cracking up over two things I said. When I told her to keep her tits crossed for me about my ear healing. You know, instead of keeping your fingers crossed.

Bob’s letter was depressing and corny, but what else is new?

THURSDAY, JANUARY 12, 1995 Today’s been an interesting day so far. I finished the final document. Now he’ll consolidate it till he has more stuff for me to type up.

He put a couple of symbols like the degrees sign and fractions in the hotkeys.

We tried sending Marla a message, but she either ditched the service or changed her name to God knows what.

Today I got a porcelain doll named Jessie from the same people that sent me the doll that looks like Stevie when I lived next to Andy and that butch. That was a surprise cuz I ordered it several months ago, pretty sure I’d never get it as they usually want payments first. This one’s a little bigger and more realistic looking. It’s quite cute. This little girl’s kneeling down with her arm out to hold a white stuffed animal dog. The dog’s too big, though, and it’s kind of funny looking. Therefore, I stuck one of my mini koala bears in her hand. I decided while I was at it, to wash my older stuffed animals, as they’re filthy. I’m just hoping they don’t fall apart in the washer.

On top of that, the kitchen light blew out and then I almost walked into a small spider, coming down on its web over the sink.

Later…

Well, my stuffed animals made it through the washer and came out alive.

Yesterday Tom brought home this survey where you choose your reaction or feelings from most to least on certain questions. We both did it and today he’ll find out what it means in the class he’ll be going to. I made up the ones I wrote in. We guessed what each other would most likely and least likely do and then we agreed or disagreed with each other’s guesses.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 11, 1995 I’ve sure been busy doing things and thinking about things. Instead of sending Bob bits and pieces of Norah’s story, I put them in a big envelope and sent them to him. I figured it’d also be a good way to kill off some of the old 29¢ stamps. I stuck 5 on it and I hope it gets to him OK.

Today I cooked up more mashed potatoes and also some spaghetti. I did laundry, put it out on the line, did dishes and cleaned the bathroom.

I still am a bit unsure of our sex lives and about having a kid. I believe him when he says he wants to have sex more often and have a kid. However, I don’t buy it when he says he didn’t fake the two times he said he came.

Last night he made a comment saying that raising a kid is a piece of cake if you let it be.

Yeah, right! That’s pretty unrealistic-sounding to me. It wouldn’t be easy. I still desire a child, but I don’t know. It all still seems so scary and overwhelming to me. I’m flattered that Tom has faith in me, or so he says, but I still can’t lie to myself about the fact that I’ll probably never be able to get pregnant in the first place.

I know Tom prefers not to cum, but whether it’s just that, or he’s got a problem, there’s also my DES to consider, so I don’t want to go getting my hopes up, despite my fears. Plus, I have to go by logic, patterns and statistics. Remember, I’m not 18, violent, fucked up on drugs and those are the ones that seem to have the kids.

I didn’t end up a singer or with a woman so why would I end up with a baby? While Arizona and Tom are my two biggest blessings, besides my abilities, I must remain realistic and not get too hopeful and too positive, as hard as that can be at times.

Yesterday I finished the Andy document and now I only have one left. It was originally to be the Lamaris document, but there already is a Lamaris document, so it’s now Andy.

Time for some of those smashed potatoes, as Andy and I call them.

Later…

I was gonna watch TV, but what was on waiting for me? More teenage pregnant losers. No thanks. So, what else can I tell this book right now? Nothing, I guess. So, I think I’ll go begin typing the final Maria document.

Later…

I changed my bed, aired the place out, took the clothes off the line and began the Maria doc.

I tried to call KHITS, the 70s station I’ve been listening to so I could request a song, but I either get a busy signal or non-stop ringing.

What a bummer. Just when we ordered new address labels, a catalog came today with tons of awesome labels. Ours are still nice enough, anyway. The rainbow labels with both our names came today. I got the metallic jewel tone labels and he got plain metallic. The colors are green, blue, gold, pink and purple.

Once again I can’t wait till it’s hot and I can go swimming. What may suck about when I am able to swim is the fact that I’ll probably need to stuff some putty or cram something into that new ear of mine. Sounds quite comfy.

I had to make an appointment for a hearing test at the regular Cigna building. I hope those headphones they put on aren’t excruciating. They’re pretty tight and even scrunched the good ear. That appointment’s for February 9th at 2:30, then at 4:30 that same day I see Dr. Nielsen. I also must see Nielsen again this month.

I wrote some more in that Myst game journal booklet I’m doing for Andy’s birthday. I had my binder with Norah’s story, so I flipped to any old page and began mixing some really funny sentences.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 10, 1995 I am at the doctor’s office now, waiting to be vacuumed out once again.

I taped Andy’s movie last night and I left him a message telling him to let me know when he wants to pick it up. I’m also giving him some NPN envelopes as well as a magazine that sells Phase-Out.

Today I went to send Marla another message through AOL, but a message came up saying there was no such user. I don’t know if I screwed up or if she changed her name. On AOL I’m Mysterylin. Tom changed my name to Jodi S on Prodigy, so no more Jodi O!

Today I tie-dyed 4 T-shirts by myself after Tom left. They came out great. Better than the first two.

Tom put the Alabaster blinds up at the far end of the back room facing next door.

Later…

I’m back from Dr. Nielsen’s office and he’s still impressed saying it’s a true miracle. Now we’re down to having to do the peroxide every 3 days, the ointment every day, and the drops once a week. I don’t have to go back to see him till the 19th and I also have an appointment for February.

I’ve got to call Dr. Driscoll’s office tomorrow and try to reschedule a hearing test for the day of the February appointment. I’ll also call for refills on my Proventil and that’s when Tom will drop off the CAT scans.

Today I cooked us pork chops and made homemade mashed potatoes. It was boring and time-consuming, but it came out well.

MONDAY, JANUARY 9, 1995 Yesterday had to be one of the busiest days of my life. Would you believe me if I said I typed up 1 whole journal? Well, I did! I worked on it on and off for 12 hours or so.

I also edited down my 3 oldies tapes. I grouped the best songs together and cut out the stuff I didn’t want.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 8, 1995 In about 50 minutes Tom will be getting up. He works 8 hours for the next 5 days.

He left me a few video messages on the computer that was really cool.

Last night I talked to Andy again. His job’s going well and he’s doing much better. The only not-so-cool thing he mentioned that I’m not sure I wrote about, is the couple that moved in above him. He says they’re very noisy all the time. They’re possibly on crystal meth which is supposed to keep you awake. Again, I can’t say I feel sorry for him. Not after living with him and next to him and knowing how much noise of his own he produces.

Got another message yesterday from this Bernie O in L.A., wondering if we were related. Well, we’re not as far as I know.

We went to the art store yesterday and got wind chimes, T-shirts and silk flowers. We haven’t got the dye yet to tie-dye these shirts yet. We’re also gonna get wire mesh soon to begin making an arc of flowers in the living room/kitchen doorway.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 7, 1995 I forgot to mention that when we were last at the doctor’s office, they gave us a huge envelope containing my CAT scans. Tom’s gonna drop them off at one of their offices. Anyway, I looked at the CAT scans and I wonder how the hell anyone can read and make sense of them.

Earlier I spent a couple of hours sorting through papers and filing them into the file box. I have never known anyone to have so many fucking papers! I just hope he keeps up on anything I did, doesn’t re-trash areas I cleaned and straightened, throws things away that are garbage, and puts stuff that he uses back where it came from.

In the meantime, the bathroom, kitchen, living room and my room are always easy to keep up on and never get as bad as the back room.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 6, 1995 I typed this to Larry:

What I’m about to tell you may sound strange, but I believe in communication, so people understand each other better. It may piss you off, but I hope not and I’ll take my chance cuz it’s your right to know. You mentioned giving Jenny my number and I don’t know if you’ve given it to her or whether or not she said she’d call or not. Anyway, after we hung up and the idea had a chance to sink in, I thought about it and decided I don’t think it’s a wise idea for us to have any contact with each other. If I ran into her on a visit there or she called before you got this letter, fine, I can be cool about it and that’s no problem. Before I get into why let me back up. I’m the first one to admit I was a bitch who did some raunchy things, but stuff was also done to me. I’m living proof that people can change, am not the same person I used to be, and I’m sure she’s learned a lot like I have since we were last friends. She is a good person, I don’t hate her, and I wish her all the luck in the world. I hope she has a great life. My attitude for a year or so after our friendship ended and she became friends with you was that she was a traitor. Then I came to realize that everyone has a right to pick their own friends. I made a promise to myself that I would like very much to keep. You’re the only one that walked out of my life that I’ve taken back into my life. Of course, if you were to kiss me farewell again, that’s it forever. I lost you both at the most critical time of my life when I needed you the most and was going through major transitions in life. Yes, you were right, I still succeeded and did what I had to do, even though I was terrified of people, dumped them left and right figuring they’d dump me and was broke and starving, scraping pennies and on food stamps for the longest time. I guess what it basically comes down to is I feel like you feel about Tammy. She’s a good person, I wish her well, but there’s nothing to say to each other at this point. I hope you’ll understand and respect my feelings like I will about you and Tammy. I just wouldn’t know what to say. Go ahead and read this to her or show this to her if you want and that way she’s not left hanging, but truthfully, I can’t picture her wanting to talk to me either.

Later…

Well, today’s the day two years ago in 1993 when I became a dancer. An exotic one, anyhow.

Yesterday morning I couldn’t fall asleep till around 9:30 and Tom got me up at 3:30. Boy, was I tired!

Anyway, good news about my doctor’s appointment. His exact words to me were, “Jodi, I have good news for you. The skin graft is healing.”

He said he was very shocked and called it a miracle. He says it’s still wise to remain pessimistic, though, as there’s still a slight chance I’ll need another skin graft. Oh yeah? I intend to surprise him on this one. I’ve had about 18-19 operations in my life and I don’t care to make it an even 20.

As far as getting into the letter I did for Larry - well - there’s not much to really get into. Those are my true feelings. I have nothing to say to her and have no desire to be either local or long-distance friends with her. I highly doubt this will piss Larry off, but if it does - too bad. I really hope he gets this letter before she calls, even though I’m 99% sure she won’t call. What would she want to say to me as well? I’m sure our feelings are mutual (mine and Jenny’s).

At around 7:00 last night I fell asleep till 11:00. I sure didn’t expect to be able to do that, but I sure needed it. Obviously, no one came or went during those hours from next door.

I talked with Andy and then Andy with his friend Goofy on the line. Andy went to bed at 6 AM.

Tom did a little shopping yesterday. In the back room, there are two sets of double windows and a single one. The one in between the back room and the room where the dryer is doesn’t need blinds, so I’m gonna leave it bare. It has translucent contact paper on it which won’t look funny. Plus, I can easily decorate it. He got cameo rose and slate blue for the double set directly in back, but forgot blinds for the single side window which he’ll pick up today. Probably today we’ll wash the windows and put up the blinds. I can’t wait to junk the old ugly curtains that have been there for no doubt many years.

He also got a toothbrush holder and a razor holder which I installed. Lastly, clear spray paint for my wall art.

Oh, I almost forgot. There are two leaks in the roof over the back room, so he got stuff to fix it. Luckily the roof over the rest of the house is new and in good condition.

I have 6 letters going out today to my parents, Kim, Bob, Minnie and Alex.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 5, 1995 I completed and printed out Journal 32 on purple paper. Now I’ve got a total of 47 journals typed up and they all total 492 pages. I also started the Eileen document.

I got a couple more good oldies recorded, but boy was I pissed at one point! If I remember right, there’s a song called Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jackson. I tried to get it from KOOL, but they didn’t have it. I had stopped typing for a while and turned off the radio there in the back room when I decided to watch TV. When I returned to do more typing, I turned on the radio and that song was just ending. Well, at least I know they have the song, and I plan on calling sometime to make some requests.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 4, 1995 I got up late today and haven’t done too much today. I typed more of Journal 32, put away my laundry, typed in a letter I got from Bob today, watched TV, and listened to music.

Tom sure came home horny. We screwed and he went down on me as you can see by the chart (chart not in file). He got up a little while ago and he’s now playing the Myst game.

Well, the smaller silver journal from Marjorie is now my official sketchbook. I did several drawings in it throughout the night.

Later…

Boy, is tomorrow’s appointment gonna be hard waking up for! I probably won’t fall asleep till 9 AM-noon and I’ve got to get up at 3 PM.

Tom picked up some generic stamps today, as they haven’t printed the 32¢ stamps yet.

Tom’s doing the two things he does 99% of the time he’s home. The computer and the TV.

I checked over next week’s TV guide which we got today. Norah’s nowhere to be found.

Earlier I took a bath and shaved. I did my hair yesterday which is in very shitty condition. It needs a good trim and a very serious mayonnaise treatment. The treatment will have to wait until I no longer have to worry about getting water in my ear. The trim may get done this weekend.

Well, now I’m gonna go do some computer work.

MONDAY, JANUARY 2, 1995 I had a lot more notes to write last night, but I was way too tired.

We looked up Marla’s membership on America Online. Andy told me last night that she’s using the name Silvercty. She wanted to be Silvercity, but someone else already has that name. Someone else already had Mystery, so I’m using Mysterylin. I sent her a letter and will let you know when I get a response.

As for the Norah movies, well, I wasn’t missing anything from Local Hero. This was her first movie and she only had a few parts. So, when the cable went out the first time I recorded it, it did so when she had no scenes. She looked horrible in Deadly Game. Great body, great outfit, but her hair was short and pitiful. Her face looked OK, but she does look older.

I talked to Andy earlier and I told him I’d let him know when I hear from Marla.

Tomorrow, we’re going shopping and Tom says he’s starting a journal on the second computer that I never use. He said I can read it after a few days to a week which will give him time to get a writing style. I never got that myself till after several journals. I still misspell words and change things around, too.

I recorded 2 movies for Tom and I’ve got 3 others I taped last night. This will be good for any moments of boredom I may have.

I was really bummed when I went to go play the Myst game after Tom crashed just to get a message telling me the computer couldn’t find it. Why I don’t know. I saw Tom install it yesterday, the disk is in the proper drive and Tom was playing it earlier.

I want to check out of here for a little while to go watch TV, as well as maybe do some other stuff on the computer.

Later…

My God, I don’t believe it! What luck we had shopping earlier tonight. We went to the Metro Center mall which was mobbed. Tom got a computer game and some strange wire that he just told me is called a joystick Y cable. A joystick is used to play computer games, but to me it sounds like a sex toy.

We got a little CD rack that holds 20 CDs that is in the back room. There are mostly computer programming and game CDs there, but we also have a few with music.

We got pretty pastel-colored computer paper. They came with matching envelopes, but I didn’t get them cuz we have enough envelopes around here.

I got vanilla bean lotion and ballet slippers. The ballet slippers are a little different as there’s no strap across the top of the foot. I may stitch a strap onto it. I haven’t decided yet.

Got birthday cards for my niece Lisa and Andy.

Now for the ultimate catch of tonight’s shopping. I got 4 journals and 3 of them are awesome! Their covers are these silver dazzling effects. They shimmer in the light and reflect different colors when you move them around like prisms. I always wondered what was taking them so long to make these journal covers. They make plenty of notepad covers like this. Along with #’s 17, 18, 19, 31, 64, 66, 67, 68, 69, 71 and a few others, they’re top of the line as far as all my journals go. The 4th one I got I picked out not cuz it’s pretty, but cuz it’s so different and I never expected to find it. Against a royal blue background, it’s got menorahs, stars of David, dreidels and other kinds of stars. The colors in them are gold, white, and royal blue. I’m now beginning the 4th shelf of journals on my bookcase.

Tom said he began his journal on the computer and he checked on AOL, but I have no mail from Marla yet.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 1, 1995 I would’ve written sooner, but I just had to begin 1995 by listening to music.

I spoke to Andy a little over an hour ago. He’s having a friend over. Some guy they call Goofy.

Tom crashed shortly before 10:00 and we were wrong about Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. He said it varies from year to year. Obviously, it does, cuz from 11:35 to midnight our time they showed Times Square and FL. It’s taped, though, naturally. It was really pouring in NYC and was 38º.

I heard more firecrackers around here than last year. I was even surprised that they did something next door. They were only out there a minute or two and all I saw was one little kid. I don’t know if they set off any firecrackers or not or went anywhere, but I really appreciated the fact that they didn’t constantly run their van. Anyway, I’m not gonna get into a major discussion about our very weird neighbors.

I’m looking forward to 1995 being fun and productive. God, I hope there are no tragedies or any major regrets. If we do have a kid, I hope to hell I survive it and don’t regret having the kid. I agree with Tom in that I’m gonna not listen to all those horror stories of having a kid and being a mom. I’m gonna listen to myself. I’m still terrified, though, but we’re gonna do whatever we want to do and whatever we can do.

I’m using that journal that came with the computer game to write a birthday journal for Andy whose birthday is February 15th. If I remember correctly, he’ll be 33.

My ear’s itching right at the opening where the incision was made, so I’m gonna go put some ointment on it.