#so essentially i have a presentation reflecting on my reflections of reflections

[fleurhcss]

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚♡ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐃𝐨 𝐈𝐭 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 - Seungmin x FEM!Reader

cw: some cunty and kinky shit, very hard sex, best friends to lovers, very possessive and hard dom seungmin with a sweet trait (im sorry i love my minnie), bratty reader, you are really a whore, stripper reader, mention of alchool and jealousy, handcuff

sw: hair pulling, choke kink, pinv, cunnilingus, oral (M! receving), orgasm denial, multiple orgasm, scratching, biting, marking, bit of blood cuz seungmin is very kinky bastard MDNI!

wc: 7k

synopsis: Financially, you are not doing well. In addition to your part-time job, you attend some clubs in the evenings in order to earn a little more money. You do not mind showing off, as you love receiving compliments from men and finding new partners with whom to engage in sexual intercourse in order to satisfy your sexual frustrations. Your closest friend, Seungmin, is unaware of these circumstances. Given his protective nature, it is likely that he would take extreme measures to protect you. One unexpected outcome of the situation is that the individual in question has become a possessive dominant. He unintentionally discovers the extent of your job. This results in a particularly harsh fuck between the two, during which he is merciless. Your initial perception of him was that of a kind and gentle individual. However, upon further reflection, it becomes evident that he is, in fact, a complex and intriguing character. His actions and demeanor often elicit a strong emotional response, including feelings of intense arousal and even physical sensations such as bleeding.

a/n: hiii, I'm writing this since the chanel event! I'm sorry if i take request so sloowly but it's exam ses. now! Hope you will like this, i had fun writing it 🫶🏻🩷 made especially for this cutie @chrizzztopherbang

[ SMUT ]

And yet another day at one of your numerous jobs. In recent times, you have been experiencing financial problems. These have included the payment of university fees, rent, groceries, bills and other essentials. In order to supplement your income, you were engaged in four different occupations: bartender, librarian, and after-school care every other day, and nightclub work on a nightly basis. Your friends were unaware of this aspect of your life, as discussing it caused you considerable embarrassment. Nevertheless, you did not feel any discomfort about it. The practice of tipping for additional services was beneficial, although not all men were agreeable. Some men were able to satisfy the sexual frustrations of the women with whom they engaged in such activities. At this juncture, you found yourself situated in the midst of a professional endeavour, assisting high school students in the enhancement of their GPAs. It is noteworthy that these students held a profound regard for you. Despite the exhaustion that inevitably accompanied the work, you found great satisfaction in your role. As you corrected the mathematics exercises of the esteemed Hana, an Anglo-Korean girl whom you held in high regard and who consistently presented you with exquisite drawings, you contemplated the future once you had completed your current task.

At nine o'clock, you were expected to arrive at one of the clubs in the centre of town for your customary performance. In addition to the attractive remuneration, this job offered another significant advantage: you had always been passionate about dancing, and this was the closest thing to it. However, you had had to cease dancing due to a lack of time and financial resources. Once you had completed the boys' homework and explained a few philosophical concepts and mathematical formulas, you retired to bed, seeking a little peace. Fortunately, the time was still six o'clock, allowing for a period of rest following an already exhausting day. You had studied for college in the morning, worked in the afternoon, and now, in a few hours, you would resume your night work. The peculiar absence of your best friend's customary appearance or telephone call had not yet occurred. At least, he was doing well. Seungmin was your best friend. He exhibited two distinct personas: during the day, he was a polite and affluent individual, displaying considerable intelligence and respect; at night, when he socialized with his friends, he became a kind of Don Giovanni heartthrob. It is undeniable that he possessed a certain allure.

He exhibited a high degree of protectiveness towards you, never allowing other men to be involved in your romantic life. Consequently, he was the first to be unaware of your secret occupation. It is difficult to speculate how he might have reacted, and it may have been for the best that he was not informed. If he ever discovered your secret, he would pursue the men you had been with one by one, and the outcome of this pursuit was uncertain. He would then turn his attention to you, delivering a lecture in a good-natured manner and possibly resorting to other forms of intimidation. Your best friend could instill a sense of fear in him, although he had not learned this from your experience but from that of Jisung, Seungmin's best friend, who had engaged in sexual intercourse with his boyfriend in the latter's car and had been discovered. You still recall his displeased demeanor, and you were disinclined to provoke him further.

However, your premature declaration of triumph was premature, as he had not telephoned but had arrived at your residence shortly before you were about to fall into a deep slumber. The most disconcerting aspect of the situation was the fact that, given that he had been your closest friend for several years, you had provided him with the keys to your apartment. Consequently, there was no need for you to even get up and go to open the door for him, since he had suddenly entered your room in his sports clothes. This was somewhat unexpected, given that he had previously expressed disinterest in the gym. He himself observed your perplexed expression regarding his unusual post-gym attire and appearance. "Good afternoon. Don't look me with such disdain, Changbin hyung is compelling Jisung and Felix and me to engage in training with him because he said that we're too thin," and you were overcome with mirth. The aforementioned ones were notably thin, comprising two endearing, little males with minimal musculature. They appeared to be little fairies, including Changbin, who appeared to possess an exaggerated musculature. Seungmin was considerably taller than the others and had broad shoulders. The image of him working out with them was amusing.

"It is funny to consider the prospect of you engaging in working out with them. It is similarly amusing to contemplate the idea of you engaging in sparring in general, given that you have historically disliked it," you concluded, making yourself comfortable and creating space for your friend to sit next to you on the bed. He gave you a friendly tap on the arm and pouted in a manner that was both endearing and characteristic of him. You had coined the term "Seungballons" to describe this particular pout, as it resembled a balloon. Furthermore, the addition of a kiss-shaped mouth gesture would invariably render one unconscious. You found this behaviour endearing, and it prompted you to engage in a reciprocal act of affection by kissing him on the cheeks. "Ugh, at the end I must concede that it is not without merit. It has been a long-standing thing, one that is difficult to notice due to my tendency to wear baggy clothing. However, I have gained a considerable amount of muscle mass. Look." He said, lifting up the shirts he was wearing, which caused you to be quite shocked since, yes, your friend had two pecs and a well-developed 6-pack. His physical appearance provoked a strong emotional response, yet he was your closest friend and you were unable to entertain such thoughts.

"You must inform Changbin that he has done an excellent job with you," you swallowed, making a feigned smile and drinking some water in an attempt to erase the image of your best friend's partially nude body from your mind – although you did not mind. "I shall do so, and I am grateful to you, my lady." "Tomorrow we're going to a club at night; would you like to come?" he inquired. You froze in your tracks, contemplating the possibility of being discovered. However, they typically did not frequent such places, so you were afforded a degree of protection if your luck did not turn against you. "I would like to inform you that I am unable to attend. I am engaged in a full day's work, and then I must prepare for an imminent exam. Nevertheless, I would be interested to know where you are going, if you do not mind me asking." "I'm uncertain. Binnie hyung informed us that he had discovered a new place and we were curious to learn more about it," Seungmin said thoughtfully, and you felt a sense of relief since you still had the opportunity to withdraw.

However, you were not convinced by your friend's distressed expression; you suspected he was concealing something. "Are you well, Min?" you enquired as you adjusted his bangs. "Yes, and I am concerned about the tastes of some of my hyungs, to be honest," he replied, leading you with him onto the bed and initiating a bout of tickling. That afternoon, your thoughts were not preoccupied with the information your friend had conveyed to you. Instead, you found yourself contemplating his toned, bare chest, devoid of clothing. You had not anticipated his physical attractiveness, particularly given his previous demeanor. You had become accustomed to his puppy-dog appearance, with its endearing, youthful features.

Consequently, you had not considered the possibility that he might have undergone training.

It was evident that the ensemble suited him. Seungmin already possessed broad shoulders, one of your vices being to lean on them whenever you watched a movie or went out. This was a habit that you had developed, but it was not a common occurrence. "Please do not change the subject. I am curious to know what are Changbin's tastes. I apologise for the interruption." You giggled, putting yourself back together. Seungmin blushed slightly, as he was not an innocent individual. His former partners had confirmed this to you, as they had discussed his sexual performance in great detail. However, he was ashamed to discuss certain topics in public or with you, given that you were his best friend. He considered you to be an innocent girl, which you were not. "Let us suppose that he has a penchant for strippers and nightclubs. That is all I am saying, and I am aware that it is a rather embarrassing topic."

He concluded by running a hand over his face, which made you chuckle under your breath.

"As if you had never observed a female without clothes." You made the assertion. Indeed, he had observed numerous instances of female nudity, including those of his romantic partners.

"Affirmative, but I was with them. I am not comparable to the hyung who partakes in adventurous pursuits with women who perform lap dances for him in nightclubs." Had he been aware of this, he would have realised that this was precisely what you did for a living. "You have never even considered fucking a woman you are not in a romantic relationship with and who is not your girlfriend?" you inquired, as you began to manipulate the fabric of his suit. "No, I am ... shy," he replied, biting his lip. He was regarded with a degree of disbelief.

"Are you shy?" you inquired, regarding him with an expression that even he, as your closest friend, could not interpret. "Indeed, I am shy," he replied, displaying a grimace and then playfully shoving you. "You're really peculiar, Kim Seungmin," you pushed him back and then initiated a tickling session, blushing when you felt how well-trained and well-sculpted he was under your touch. While it was not the first time you had touched a well-trained chest, Seungmin's was doing something to you. It is possible that this was due to the fact that he was your closest friend, or perhaps it was because he was distinct from the others you had encountered, or possibly because you were accustomed to seeing him consistently and exclusively as a thin individual with broad shoulders. 

It can be posited that, without intending to, you were becoming preoccupied with fantasies about Seungmin to an extent that was inappropriate. Not only had you been friends for years, but he was also one of your closest friends. Despite the fact that you found it difficult to erase certain images of him from your mind, you felt guilty about thinking of him in a certain way. It is also worth noting that your nighttime occupation presented certain challenges. It would be highly undesirable for one of your friends, particularly Seungmin, to become aware of your nocturnal activities. Upon reflection, Seungmin had mentioned attending a nightclub. If he encountered you on duty at one of the clubs where you were a regular, your situation would be untenable. It is unclear how Seungmin perceived you, but it is unlikely that he viewed you as a dancer in one of the clubs that your best friend's best friend held in high regard.

He suddenly inquired as to what attire he should wear, which prompted you to regard him with a degree of disquietude. Your best friend was known to exhibit eccentricities on occasion. "Excuse me, but do I appear to be an expert on nightclubs?" you inquired, your tone indicating a certain anxiety. "No, but as a woman, you might possess the requisite knowledge to dress me in a manner that would impress," he replied, almost shyly, though his demeanor belied his true feelings. "So my dear Min wants to impress some girl?" you inquired, playfully pinching his cheek as you laughed. He regarded you with a look of displeasure. "I am a male, and I have not fucked for several months. I have certain needs. It is undoubtedly challenging for me to refrain from emotional connection during fucks by the way. However, I am unable to resist certain urges. Perhaps at the conclusion of the night, I may be able to elicit a favorable response from someone." he articulated this in a low voice, his hands covering his face. "Are you truly stating that you wish to fuck while being shy Kim Seungmin?" You laughed in his face for the umpteenth time. "What do you want? It would appear that you don't actually fuck since a considerable period of time." He tousled your hair, but watching your expression closely, he reciprocated with a confused one, to say the least.

The issue was that you lacked the ability to lie effectively, particularly in the context of deceiving him. Consequently, you frequently exhibited peculiar facial expressions that he was able to discern with remarkable clarity. "Oh my God, fuck! You fucked with someone and did not inform me of this?" he inquired, his facial expression indicating a greater degree of anger than offense. "That is not true. You are merely imagining these events," you replied, attempting to maintain a neutral expression. "Indeed, you did. You fucked and did not tell me about it. You are aware that you cannot lie to me, Y/N," he said, biting his lip with an expression that was both serious and intense. The atmosphere had become noticeably more intense, with a tangible sense of unease and tension. You were in a compromising situation and had placed yourself in a vulnerable position. You could have been certain that you felt the first drops of perspiration forming on your face. However, you were compelled to terminate the discussion before he reached the crux of the matter. The most expedient course of action was to acknowledge the occurrence, albeit in a circumscribed manner. "It did happen on a few occasions when I was drunk, but it was not a regular occurrence," you stated, attempting to provide a concise account. Nevertheless, he was not inclined to inquire about the incident in question.

"On only a few occasions when you were drunk? Are you insane? What if something had happened to you?" There was the protective Seungmin you wished to avoid. After all, you were grateful for his concern and lack of complaints, yet at times it became unbearable. "Nevertheless, it didn't happen. I am sufficiently mature and prudent to comprehend the implications of my actions, Seungmin," you stated, indicating him with a finger as if to admonish him. "Yes, I am aware of this, but I am concerned about your well-being," he said, grasping your arm and then taking a bite. It can be described as a unique form of affection with which he was expressing his apology to you. "I am aware, Seung, but don't concern yourself; I am fully cognizant of my actions," you smiled at him, taking his face in one hand and placing a kiss on his forehead. "You should return home, as you are in a rather stinking state, Mr. Gym," you playfully admonished him by catching a light tap on the shoulder before he departed your domicile.

The workday was set to be quite lengthy.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

You were profoundly distressed, experiencing considerable discomfort throughout your body. At work the previous night, you were compelled to work an extended overtime shift (for which you were only compensated half of the usual rate). This resulted in a complex set of experiences, including physical pain and a substantial financial reward. You had been obliged to engage in sexual intercourse with two individuals, a task which you found disagreeable, particularly given the lack of excitement involved. However, the remuneration was satisfactory and you did not express any significant discontent. You were aware that the nature of the work was not equitable, yet you found it necessary and on occasion utilised it as a means of alleviating certain cravings. Fortunately, you had acquired the ability to feign an orgasm, which you employed on some occasions, such as yesterday. At the time, you were situated in your bed, surrounded by books for your imminent exam and, in a few hours, you would be required to attend your morning work.

That night, despite your best efforts, you were obliged to attend a club in the centre of town. You had completely forgotten that Changbin was going to take Seungmin and the others to a club in the downtown area, which could very well have been the one you were on duty at that night. However, you had not considered this possibility and your mind was so preoccupied that it kept slipping away. Thus, you were preparing for your exam in a discreet manner, unaware that that night presented the optimal opportunity for you to meet your closest friend, who was likely to be visibly distressed. You would be performing your duties that afternoon, and you hoped that the number of customers would be relatively low, given your limited mobility.

The mere anticipation of returning to work that night provoked a profound sense of distress. It was your hope that no one would request private shows or the other activities that you sometimes found disagreeable. The sole desire was to rest and awaken in a pool of wealth. You arose listlessly to prepare your lunch. It was not feasible to combine work and rest in such a manner, so it was necessary for you to take analgesics and vitamins.

Subsequently, you found yourself engaged in the preparation and service of smoothies and ice cream at your customary café. Your daily routine proceeded as usual. What was not foreseen was the presence of your closest friend at the table you were scheduled to serve. One might inquire as to whether they should not have been preparing for their evening activities. One is prompted to inquire as to the nature of their collective enterprise in a café a few hours before their nightclubbing. You expressed your displeasure at the owner's suggestion that you should hasten to serve the aforementioned table, and furthermore, you were unable to evade the situation, as Seungmin was aware that this was a table that was allotted to you and consistently sat there with the intention of being served.

After a prolonged period of contemplation, you approached them. "Good evening,shouldn't you be getting ready for your clubbingnight ?" you said, your tone sarcastic. Your friend smiled at you and pinched your side. You were inclined to flee. "Jisung is unable to consume alcohol unless he has consumed a meal or a smoothie beforehand," Felix informed him, which elicited a disdainful gaze from the latter. "It is not advisable to consume alcohol with an empty stomach." The boy offered a rationale for his actions, stating that alcohol is absorbed into the bloodstream at a faster rate and that the effects of inebriation are more pronounced. "Is this not the meaning behind frequenting nightclubs? Furthermore, who informed you of this? Your esteemed professor?" the older boy inquired in jest. You regarded them with a peculiar expression, and Seungmin proceeded to elucidate the matter: Jisung had a somewhat unconventional relationship with one of his university professors, characterised by frequent flirtation. "I must respectfully disagree. Minho is a very good teacher," he countered, blushing. Your facial expression was unmistakable. "You are now addressing him by his first name as well," he observed, prompting a general outburst of mirth, particularly the adorable blush on Jisung's chubby cheeks.

"So what can I get for you?" you inquired, cutting the conversation short in order to take their orders and extricate yourself from your friend's company. You were particularly keen to avoid the question of your friend, who would undoubtedly invite you to the evening event.

You had only been present for a few minutes when you observed Seungmin casting furtive glances in your direction and his friends teasing him about something you did not comprehend. It was not known to you that they were teasing him about the fleeting glances he was sending you. "Seungmin, did you notice that you are eating her with your eyes?" inquired Felix, appropriating the cherry from his milkshake. "That is incorrect," he replied, taking a sip from his glass. "Indeed, it is. One might suggest that you ask her out," the blonde continued. "That would be an unusual and somewhat awkward situation, and then I believe she may be involved in a nocturnal affair, or perhaps even a series of them," he said, lowering his head. "And you are jealous! "Which then leads to the question of whether that is what you wish to do tonight," inquired Changbin. "Be silent. It is possible that I am, in fact, jealous. "

The observed behaviour was merely the incessant movement of the lips in an attempt to evade the source of discomfort as soon as possible. Fortunately, the group departed twenty minutes later, and Seungmin offered you a brief kiss on the cheek. This prompted further mirth among his small group of friends, which led you to become increasingly suspicious. Your sole concern was to avoid encountering them in the nightclub where you were on duty that evening. This was your intention since yesterday, precisely since your closest friend informed you of it. Your anxiety regarding the aforementioned issue was greater than your concern about your inability to dance effectively due to the discomfort from the previous night.

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

In the midst of your preparations for the imminent show, you were compelled to hastily change your attire. Fortunately, you had already completed your make-up. The evening attire was of a revealing nature, and the dance was expected to be of a vigorous nature. It was therefore hoped that the wearer would not become unwell. Your colleague entered your dressing room and informed you that you were scheduled to perform shortly, prompting you to commence your customary stage performance for adolescent males and middle-aged men.

The only individuals absent were those whom you had anticipated would be present at the club. The only discernible difference was that they observed you, observed you with particular interest, particularly your closest friend, who opened his eyes wide as he consumed no less than two shots in the space of three minutes. "What is she doing there?" he enquired, his fists clenched as he fixed his gaze upon you. "I am sure that there must be an explanation, and perhaps she did not tell you in order to prevent you from worrying," said Jisung, grasping his shoulders behind Changbin, as Seungmin appeared to be on the verge of exploding. "She is undeniably attractive," the shorter individual observed, prompting a withering gaze from the younger one. "Hyung, I strongly advise you not to make any advances towards her. It is already difficult enough for me to refrain from picking her up from the stage, but I assure you that as soon as she leaves for the dressing room, I will not allow her to get away from me." He proceeded to down another shot of vodka.

It is regrettable that upon concluding your nightly performance, another individual followed you into the dressing room and you failed to perceive the presence of Seungmin, who was positioned directly behind you and had abruptly issued a silent threat. Such was the extent of the incident that, upon turning around, you suffered a stroke and lost the ability to speak. Your situation was indeed veryscrewed. "Seungmin, I can-" you were abruptly interrupted and led to your dressing room, where he seated you on your personal table. His gaze was one of intense desire, imbued with the combined effects of alcohol and rage. You had never observed him in such a state. "Explain ? What precisely do you wish to explain to me? Explain to me how you have been selling your body without ever having informed me of this?" He said, grasping your waist. This should not have aroused you.

"I am experiencing financial difficulties, and this is the only occupation that offers a satisfactory remuneration," you stated in your defence. "I am indifferent to the matter. I could have provided assistance." You are my property, okay? It is not permissible for anyone to touch you, Y/N." He then proceeded to kiss you with considerable passion and force. This was a source of considerable distress for you, as it deviated from your expectations of the situation. Although you were experiencing a certain degree of pleasure, the situation remained somewhat unusual. His hands were of considerable size and appeared to be an appropriate instrument for caressing. "Why not? Who determined that I am yours?" you inquired in a teasing manner. At this juncture, the situation became increasingly amusing for you as well. "I do now I must erase the memory of that unsanitary contact before I had the opportunity to do so," he whispered in your ear before reaching down into the hollow of your neck and allowing you to ingest the substance. "Seungmin, my legs are fatigued. I am unable to walk," you informed him, indicating your own limitations. "There are numerous other ways to satisfy our mutual desires, and we will address this particular issue at a later time." Furthermore, I am . While I wish to destroy you, I would never take advantage of a woman in this state. It is remarkable that he remained in character as the usual Seungmin knight.

"What do you intend to do in my dressing room?" you inquired, observing as he bent down between your thighs, slipping the suit you had worn for the evening. "I am not certain. I am experiencing a craving, if I may be so bold as to say so." He smiled. That young man, whom you had previously considered to be a potential danger to your sanity. He considered your body to be aesthetically pleasing. He commenced another voracious and ardent kiss. His hands descended in a sweeping motion, tracing a path down your body, cupping your thighs and gradually rising to your buttocks, which he grasped firmly in a vice-like grip. "Your beauty is such that it is unconscionable to wait any further. I want you and I want to play a little," Seungmin stated with a sneer in his voice. He then relocated you to the small sofa, with the instruction to straddle his body. He proceeded to kiss your neck, leaving a series of marks. It was inevitable that he would bite you, as this was a habit of his, apparently. You had learned this from his exes. He was biting you to let you know you were his, biting you until you bled and licking away the mess he was making. This aroused you to a considerable extent. He smiled, indicating that he understood. You were in a state where he was able to act in any way he desired. No other person had ever caused you to feel such an intense sensation of arousal.

"Look at you, you are ready for me to do anything I wish with you." He was unaware of this fact as well.

The young man moved in closer to you, initiating a further passionate kiss as he cupped the back of your neck with one hand and used another to caress your intimacy. The movements were initially slow, but soon accelerated, with your best friend removing your panties and rapidly caressing your clitoris. Once he had become tired, he commenced a lengthy series of kisses on your inner thighs. He then proceeded to grasp your thighs and bring them to his shoulders. He then began to leave kisses on your vagina. "Please do not wait any longer," you said, and Seungmin laughed, then began to lick your cunt in a long, slow motion. He cupped your ass as he massaged them. You had been waiting for that moment since he had laid his thin, large hands on your waist the day before.

"Seungmin, please..." you almost implored him, before arching your back in a series of involuntary gasps, clinging to the back of the sofa as much as you could. You looked at him, pushing yourself harder against his face, craving more and more. He laughed as he observed the reactions he was provoking in you with each of his touches, which only served to intensify his desire to possess you. He grinned as he continued what he had initiated. His hands were firmly harpooned in your bottom and thanks to the pleasure you were experiencing, you had thrown your head back. He laughed again as his tongue continued its work. He found the taste of you on his taste buds to be particularly delicious, sending him into a state of intense pleasure. He was profoundly and passionately in love with you, with every aspect of your being. His nose came into contact with your pubes as a result of the depth of penetration achieved with his tongue. He was enjoying himself to a considerable extent, as evidenced by your moans and the pulling of strands of his hair. Seungmin was not displeased by this aspect of your behaviour; indeed, he found it erotic in a particular way. He smiled as his tongue explored your cavity in slow, circular motions, designed to drive you to a state of ecstasy. Seungmin was mutely enjoying the experience. His sole objective was to ensure your enjoyment. His hands moved to the sides of your thighs, which he struck with resounding slaps. He derived pleasure from leaving his marks, but he would never do anything to harm you; he worshipped you.

Subsequently, his hands moved in a circular motion, grasping your thighs and placing them on your shoulders. His mouth had previously been in contact with your clitoris, but had now moved to sink his teeth into your inner thigh. He derived pleasure from leaving his imprints on you. No one was permitted to touch his woman; you were his and, furthermore, only his. You belonged to him. From his boot emerged a pocketknife, the purpose of which was unclear. However, before this could be determined, he took your labia majora between his teeth and pulled them towards him, pressing them against his mouth in order to suck your clitoris. This was done in a manner that was reminiscent of sucking a straw. He then proceeded to draw a thin line with the blade of the pocketknife, which drew a streak of blood, all the way to your mound. This was driving you to a state of considerable excitation. He withdrew from your vulva, reaching up to begin his work, and began to lick the warm crimson-coloured liquid that was gradually leaking from the wound. Furthermore, the moans of pain and pleasure that you emitted drove him to a state of unparalleled ecstasy. The sensation of your mouth on his own was more fulfilling than any other experience. He proceeded to suck the blood that was dripping from the wound, which resulted in the formation of additional lesions on his breasts, around his nipples, in his groin, and next to his navel. This merely precipitated his orgasm. Furthermore, when he inserted two fingers into your oral cavity, which was already open, he proceeded to stimulate your tongue. "Look at you..., my submissive slut," and smiled.

He sneered as he took your face between his fingers. The painting depicted you in a blood-soaked state. After a brief interval, he withdrew his fingers and proceeded to stimulate your orifice by alternately inserting and withdrawing his digit. This action was performed in a manner that elicited a profound sensation of arousal. Seungmin was intrigued by the prospect of  fucking you at that moment. "What is your desire, my princess?" "Not that you are in a position to do much in this state," he said, laughing, in reference to his fingers being inside you. "I want to touch you," you whispered, your voice hoarse from the non-stop moaning. "You can do better than that," he winked, then pulled away from you and sat you down on your side, standing up, taking off his pants and sitting by your side. You stood frozen for a while at the sight of its length; it was big and compact. You had never seen one like it before.

"I see you are pleased with it, princess," he said, bringing your face close to his. You had completely perceived what he desired to accomplish. You were fully conscious of his intentions. You were rendered incapable of uttering any further words, as if his imposing stature had rendered you in a state of trance. He then proceeded to rub the tip of his member against your lips, seemingly in a teasing manner. It was not difficult for you to open your lips and initiate contact with the glans. Subsequently, you proceeded to suck the tip and then ran your tongue along the entire circumference and veins. You stimulated the testiculi with your hands, causing him to emit a hoarse moan. When you proceeded to insert him fully into your mouth, until you reached the uvula, you emitted a moan, which caused his member to tremble. This elicited a shrill moan from him. "Fuck, baby like that." He stated that by grabbing your hair and then fucking your mouth, you were certain that you would come one more time if he continued in that manner. Indeed, your assumption proved to be correct. This is precisely what did happen.

"Fuck Y/N, I'm going to come, take [it] off," he said, removing his hand from your hair. However, you had no intention of removing your mouth. You grasped his thighs and thrust his member deeply into your throat, causing him to release inside you with a prolonged, audible moan. You swallowed, licking your lips, and looked at him. "You are incomprehensibly unaware of the effect you have on me," he winked. "I can, however, inform you of the effect you have on me." You giggled and then reached up to his ear and left a kiss underneath. "You caused me to experience another orgasm," you stated with a hint of sneering.

"Well, now, if it pleases you, I would be grateful for a date and to clean you up," he smiled as he led you to your private bathroom. "I would be most honoured to do so, sir," you replied, laughing. This was not the conclusion that could be expected.

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The bucket list of any normale person would not include the experience of being discovered by Seungmin during a night work shift. Nonetheless, the incident had precipitated a transformation in your life. Seungmin, at the time, had persuaded you to cease your employment at a nightclub, he was concerned about your well-being and did not want you to be used as a mere object by men. He had, among other things, offered to provide you with financial assistance until you found a suitable alternative employment. He assisted you in your search for a position that offered comparable income, and he was adamant that it did not involve the exploitation of your body for sexual gratification. Although you initially expressed some reluctance, given your long-standing opposition to his financial assistance, you ultimately consented.

The unanticipated date also occurred. He had extended an invitation to you shortly after your encounter in the dressing room, while discreetly cleaning up the resulting mess. If you were to be candid, you had never considered Seungmin to be a potential romantic partner. However, your perspective had been gradually alter over time. In those days, his friends, who were also your friends, had informed you that he had been casting furtive glances at you and was developing an interest in you. This initially perplexed you, but you eventually became accustomed to it. Additionally, you were required to mentally prepare for the meeting.

You did not deny that you were somewhat anxious; you were uncertain as to the destination he had in mind for that evening. He had instructed you to dress in a manner that was both comfortable and tasteful, yet your anxiety was becoming increasingly pronounced. Following a lengthy shower, you began to peruse your wardrobe, but it was challenging to select an appropriate outfit without any knowledge of the planned destination. Eventually, however, you selected a relatively simple ensemble comprising a black skirt with ruffles, not excessively short, and a top of the same colour that left your shoulders bare with a boat neckline. You wore your beloved wedges. If you had to choose between the latter and heels, based on what Seungmin had told you about elegance and comfort, you would have chosen the latter. Your makeup was minimalistic, your hair was styled in a wavy manner and fell to your shoulders, your necklace was tightly fastened around your neck, and all of your jewellery was in its appropriate place. You concluded your ensemble with a fruity and very sugary perfume, before proceeding to the living room where you would await your no longer best friend.

Seungmin arrived shortly thereafter with a large bouquet of roses, which was in keeping with his reputation as a gallant man. You smiled, recalling that he had not been in bed with you, especially after the knife performance. He said, "For you, my princess," and then kissed you on the lips. The anticipation of the evening's events had been palpable, yet the simplicity of the act itself evoked a profound sense of emotional resonance. The culmination of this experience was the tender kiss beneath the earlobe, accompanied by the words, "I hope you are well-prepared, as we have a long night ahead of us."

It was your firm conviction that, had he spoken to you in such a manner throughout the evening, you would have been so aroused that you would have removed your underwear, even in the absence of any physical contact. In point of fact, you emitted a sigh before placing the roses in a vase with water and accompanying him to the vehicle. It was a revelation to you that the vehicle in question was of considerable dimensions. Furthermore, it was acknowledged that Seungmin appeared particularly attractive that evening. He was attired in a black tank top and loose-fitting black pants. His appearance was enhanced by a leather jacket and jewellery. His footwear consisted of ankle boots with a half-heel, which were as black as the rest of his outfit. His hair was slightly gelled and curly. He was a man of considerable qualities and attributes. You licked your lips, and he observed this, offering you the opportunity to do so. It was inevitable that he would drive you out of your mind as soon as he was able to do so.

It was undeniable that the car ride had contributed to the evening's events. He held your thigh tightly in his hand and massaged your skin, occasionally reaching under the fabric of your skirt. He was aware that it was having a positive effect on you, and you were similarly gratified by the experience. He experienced a sense of predatory intent, like a predator with a vulnerable prey in its grasp.

The evening was progressing in a pleasant manner. He had escorted you to a modest restaurant situated on a hill and you had partaken in a sumptuous meat dish accompanied by an excellent wine. It was evident that he had not failed to take the opportunity to cast you certain glances as he sipped the vin rouge in the glass. He continued to direct his gaze towards you in a manner that was becoming increasingly intimidating. The conversation proceeded smoothly, and you had always enjoyed his company. The topics were diverse and engaging, even when a situation had developed between you that couldn't be defined with a specific term. However, it appeared that Seungmin had anticipated your thoughts, as he initiated a discussion on the matter. "In light of the fact that this is a full-fledged date, I would suggest that we elevate the status of our relationship in boyfriend and girlfriend. I don't think there is any necessity for a dating, as I am aware of your preferences," he said, raising his eyebrows as he took another sip of wine. "I agree, with the exception of one point: you are not sufficiently acquainted with me to have discerned my clandestine activities." You provoked him, aware of how the topic would arouse his jealousy. "I had not expected you to go that far." "I have consistently regarded you as my princess and hoped that you would eventually request my assistance." He wrinkled his nose. "Minie, it is important for me to be able to provide for myself. I am grateful for your assistance, but upon securing employment, I would prefer that you cease your help, okay?" you smiled with a pout in response.

"Perhaps should I pay and could we go to my place?" he enquired, smiling, before wiping his lips and rising to his feet. You proceeded in a similar manner, but were prevented from doing so by him. He took your hand and kissed it before leading you to the exit. "This dinner is a date, and I pay as usual. You are my girlfriend, and I will treat you properly," he said, making you blush. The gentleman in question exhibited admirable conduct and etiquette when interacting with women. He was adept at treating women with the respect and consideration they deserved. It is worth noting that, in addition to the aforementioned bedroom activities, you had also gained an understanding of his somewhat eccentric behaviour outside of the bedroom. Subsequently, you awaited his return outside the restaurant. He reappeared shortly thereafter, accompanied by a second bottle of red wine. "It was an excellent meal, and I have a plan for tonight. You'll see what I'm capable of, my dear," he said, chuckling, and then led you to the car and took you both to his house.

To say that he did not even allow you the opportunity to survey the surroundings, despite your intimate familiarity with the house, was an understatement. He immediately lifted you up and carried you to his bed. He then disappeared and returned with two goblets of wine. This night will be indelibly etched in your memory. You watched as Seungmin removed his jacket and black shirt, leaving the vision to his well-defined abs and the glittering necklace he wore. Upon observing him take a sip of wine after nearly entirely stripping himself of his clothing, you were compelled to concede that his actions caused your entire body to tremble. Your panties were soaked by now. "Well, princess, now undress for me," he said, grinning and licking his lips. He then lay on the bed with one hand behind his head and one holding the goblet. By this point, the positions had been reversed, with the man on the bed observing your every movement, while you knelt in front of him, removing each item of clothing until you were completely naked in front of him.

"How magnificent, come closer," he murmured. You advanced on all fours towards him, matching the naked intimacy of your body with his own, which was still fully clothed. He observed you for a prolonged period of time, as if he wished to eternize your image in his memory. You smiled and shuddered as he initiated a gentle caress of your form. He proceeded to caress your cheek, shoulder, and breasts in that order. He then proceeded to grasp the other breast with his free hand, having previously placed the cup on the table. He began to massage it at a slow and deliberate pace, appreciating the substantiality of your skin. He then proceeded to tease your nipple with his fingers before pouncing on it with his lips and attending to the other one as well. One hand, which had previously been positioned behind the back of your neck, now moved to your waist, where it began to caress it. His touch was so seductively overwhelming that it left you breathless. He applied pressure to your hip while his lips played with your breasts. He then moved to your shoulders, biting and branding them. Your hands were clenched in his shoulders, scratching them lightly as you rubbed your vulva against the covered flap of his pants. "Wait a moment, I would like to feel you on me," he whispered in your ear.

He separated your bodies for a brief moment, then proceeded to undress completely, thereby allowing your intimacies to collide. "How about riding me?" he inquired, smiling and winking. Your lips parted in astonishment at the mere suggestion. It is highly unlikely that you would have survived the night. Seungmin was like a mermaid, whose enchanting song was designed to captivate and enthrall. You swallowed and then nodded in agreement. You applied gentle pressure to the head of his penis between your labia, causing you to pant and elicit a moan from the major. He had brought one arm back behind your head, while with the other he held you firmly to himself, increasing the contact. You lowered yourself fully onto him, allowing him to enter you completely and fuck, which he did with considerable force. Your moans intermingled, accompanied by a soft exclamation of "Fuck!" from him. "Your cunt is both tight and warm, which feels very good. You should begin moving," he instructed, and you proceeded to comply with his order. Normally, such an act would have been loathed by you; however, with him, it was all so natural.

As he stroked your hips, you had begun to move at a slower pace. It was a sensation that had never been experienced before with any other partner. It seemed as though Seungmin possessed an innate understanding of the precise locations and techniques required to touch you. Your movements became increasingly rapid, and your nails were driven into his back. "Min, I am coming. I can feel it. My thighs are burning. Please, accelerate the pace!" You were teetering on the brink. "No, not yet," you grunted, then switched positions. You vocalised your displeasure when he withdrew from your embrace, experiencing a sense of emptiness. At this point, you were positioned beneath him as he proceeded to penetrate you, his imposing physique towering over you.

You were certain that an orgasm would be imminent, given his position atop you as he thrust forcefully into you. However, he appeared to hold a different opinion, indicating that he was not interested in facilitating an orgasm. He maintained that it was still too early for such a response. This is why he was withdrawing from you, leaving you with an empty sensation. "Please, Seung, I can no longer endure this," you implored him. Only after pushing with an animalistic force in you he grant you the permission to come. "Your warmth and tightness are so arousing...come for me," he whispered, allowing you to release yourself around him. He informed you that they had not yet reached the conclusion of the act. He then proceeded to turn you over onto your stomach and began to leave bites and marks along your back, tracing a trail of them all over your ass. He proceeded to lick and lap at the area between your buttocks, causing you to moan. Nevertheless, you still had some residual sensitivity from the previous orgasm.

You were unable to say anything as he sank back into you, twisting your hair in his grip and pulling it toward him as he thrust violently and abused your cunt. You arched your back and rolled your eyes, no one had ever caused you such intense pleasure. "Ah... Seungmin... please..." you moaned one final time before coming again. "Who gave you permission?" he demanded, thrusting himself at an astonishingly rapid pace. It was relatively simple for you to reach your third consecutive orgasm that night. "Seungmin, I am about to..." The words were barely audible.

"Come with me," he groaned, and then proceeded to ejaculate into you and you after him, now exhausted. "I will procure the necessary cleaning supplies for you," he murmured, then caressed your side and proceeded to retrieve a cloth that had been soaked in warm, damp water to clean you. He then tied your hair into a braid and made you a cup of hot tea after dressing you in a pair of clean briefs and one of his shirts. "You look so adorable," you murmured, attempting to relax on his chest. "That is the least I can do after making you come how many times?" he said, laughing as he pinched your side. "Three, but now do not boast, sir," you gave him a tongue-lashing. "Do all gentlemen do it rough?" you burst out laughing.

TAGLIST 🎀 : @yongbokkiesworld @gloomy-k @raindropsondragons @linocvp1d @iiamthedramaa @snowyquokka @pynchkilledme @y4kie @ihrtlix @hyunjinnnsgirl @sugarsweetsugarsweet @reader1221 @bubblebisk @chrizzztopherbang @skzooluvr @yoontaethings @ovr9000

[wonder-worker]

Margaret of Anjou’s visit to Coventry [in 1456], which was part of her dower and that of her son, Edward of Lancaster, was much more elaborate. It essentially reasserted Lancastrian power. The presence of Henry and the infant Edward was recognised in the pageantry. The ceremonial route between the Bablake gate and the commercial centre was short, skirting the area controlled by the cathedral priory, but it made up for its brevity with no fewer than fourteen pageants. Since Coventry had an established cycle of mystery plays, there were presumably enough local resources and experience to mount an impressive display; but one John Wetherby was summoned from Leicester to compose verses and stage the scenes. As at Margaret’s coronation the iconography was elaborate, though it built upon earlier developments.

Starting at Bablake gate, next to the Trinity Guild church of St. Michael, Bablake, the party was welcomed with a Tree of Jesse, set up on the gate itself, with the prophets Isaiah and Jeremiah explaining the symbolism. Outside St. Michael’s church the party was greeted by Edward the Confessor and St. John the Evangelist; and proceeding to Smithford Street, they found on the conduit the four Cardinal Virtues—Righteousness (Justice?), Prudence, Temperance, and Fortitude. In Cross Cheaping wine flowed freely, as in London, and angels stood on the cross, censing Margaret as she passed. Beyond the cross was pitched a series of pageants, each displaying one of the Nine Worthies, who offered to serve Margaret. Finally, the queen was shown a pageant of her patron saint, Margaret, slaying the dragon [which 'turned out to be strictly an intercessor on the queen's behalf', as Helen Maurer points out].

The meanings here are complex and have been variously interpreted. An initial reading of the programme found a message of messianic kingship: the Jesse tree equating royal genealogy with that of Christ had been used at the welcome for Henry VI on his return from Paris in 1432. A more recent, feminist view is that the symbolism is essentially Marian, and to be associated with Margaret both as queen and mother of the heir rather than Henry himself. The theme is shared sovereignty, with Margaret equal to her husband and son. Ideal kingship was symbolised by the presence of Edward the Confessor, but Margaret was the person to whom the speeches were specifically addressed and she, not Henry, was seen as the saviour of the house of Lancaster. This reading tips the balance too far the other way: the tableau of Edward the Confessor and St. John was a direct reference to the legend of the Ring and the Pilgrim, one of Henry III’s favourite stories, which was illustrated in Westminster Abbey, several of his houses, and in manuscript. It symbolised royal largesse, and its message at Coventry would certainly have encompassed the reigning king. Again, the presence of allegorical figures, first used for Henry, seems to acknowledge his presence. Yet, while the message of the Coventry pageants was directed at contemporary events it emphasised Margaret’s motherhood and duties as queen; and it was expressed as a traditional spiritual journey from the Old Testament, via the incarnation represented by the cross, to the final triumph over evil, with the help of the Virgin, allegory, and the Worthies. The only true thematic innovation was the commentary by the prophets.

[...] The messages of the pageants firmly reminded the royal women of their place as mothers and mediators, honoured but subordinate. Yet, if passive, these young women were not without significance. It is clear from the pageantry of 1392 and 1426 in London and 1456 in Coventry that when a crisis needed to be resolved, the queen (or regent’s wife) was accorded extra recognition. Her duty as mediator—or the good aspect of a misdirected man—suddenly became more than a pious wish. At Coventry, Margaret of Anjou was even presented as the rock upon which the monarchy rested. [However,] a crisis had to be sensed in order to provoke such emphasis [...]."

-Nicola Coldstream, "Roles of Women in Late Medieval Civic Pageantry," "Reassessing the Roles of Women as 'Makers' of Medieval Art and Culture"

[writingwithcolor]

Sri Lankan Fairies and Senegalese Goddesses: Mixing Mythology as a Mixed Creator

[Note: this archive ask was submitted before the Masterpost rules took effect in 2023. The ask has been abridged for clarity.]

@reydjarinkenobi asked:

Hi, I’m half Sri Lankan/half white Australian, second gen immigrant though my mum moved when she was a kid. My main character for my story is a mixed demigod/fae. [...] Her bio mum is essentially a Scottish/Sri Lankan fairy and her other bio mum (goddess) is a goddess of my own creation, Nettamaar, who’s name is derived from [...] Wolof words [...]. The community of mages that she presided over is from the South Eastern region of Senegal [...] In the beginning years of European imperialism, the goddess basically protected them through magic and by blessing a set of triplets effectively cutting them off from the outside world for a few centuries [...] I was unable to find a goddess that fit the story I wanted to tell [...] and also couldn’t find much information on the internet for local gods, which is why I have created my own. I know that the gods in Hinduism do sort of fit into [the story] but my Sri Lankan side is Christian and I don’t feel comfortable representing the Hindu gods in the way that I will be this goddess [...]. I wanted to know if any aspect of the community’s history is problematic as well as if I should continue looking further to try and find an African deity that matched my narrative needs? I was also worried that having a mixed main character who’s specifically half black would present problems as I can’t truly understand the black experience. I plan on getting mixed and black sensitivity readers once I finish my drafts [...] I do take jabs at white supremacy and imperialism and I I am planning to reflect my feelings of growing up not immersed in your own culture and feeling overwhelmed with what you don’t know when you get older [...]. I’m sorry for the long ask but I don’t really have anyone to talk to about writing and I’m quite worried about my story coming across as insensitive or problematic because of cultural history that I am not educated enough in.

Reconciliation Requires Research

First off: how close is this world’s history to our own, omitting the magic? If you’re aiming for it to be essentially parallel, I would keep in mind that Senegal was affected by the spread of Islam before the Europeans arrived, and most people there are Muslim, albeit with Wolof and other influences. 

About your Scottish/Sri Lankan fairy character: I’ll point you to this previous post on Magical humanoid worldbuilding, Desi fairies as well as this previous post on Characterization for South Asian-coded characters for some of our commentary on South Asian ‘fae’. Since she is also Scottish, the concept can tie back to the Celtic ideas of the fae.

However, reconciliation of both sides of her background can be tricky. Do you plan on including specific Sri Lankan mythos into her heritage? I would tread carefully with it, if you plan to do so. Not every polytheistic culture will have similar analogues that you can pull from.

To put it plainly, if you’re worried about not knowing enough of the cultural histories, seek out people who have those backgrounds and talk to them about it. Do your research thoroughly: find resources that come from those cultures and read carefully about the mythos that you plan to incorporate. Look for specificity when you reach out to sensitivity readers and try to find sources that go beyond a surface-level analysis of the cultures you’re looking to portray. 

~ Abhaya

I see you are drawing on Gaelic lore for your storytelling. Abhaya has given you good links to discussions we’ve had at WWC and the potential blindspots in assuming, relative to monotheistic religions like Christianity, that all polytheistic and pluralistic lore is similar to Gaelic folklore. Fae are one kind of folklore. There are many others. Consider:

Is it compatible? Are Fae compatible with the Senegalese folklore you are utilizing? 

Is it specific? What ethnic/religious groups in Senegal are you drawing from? 

Is it suitable? Are there more appropriate cultures for the type of lore you wish to create?

Remember, Senegalese is a national designation, not an ethnic one, and certainly not a designation that will inform you with respect to religious traditions. But more importantly:

...Research Requires Reconciliation

My question is why choose Senegal when your own heritage offers so much room for exploration? This isn’t to say I believe a half Sri-Lankan person shouldn’t utilize Senegalese folklore in their coding or vice-versa, but, to put it bluntly, you don’t seem very comfortable with your heritage. Religions can change, but not everything cultural changes when this happens. I think your relationship with your mother’s side’s culture offers valuable insight to how to tackle the above, and I’ll explain why.  

I myself am biracial and bicultural, and I had to know a lot about my own background before I was confident using other cultures in my writing. I had to understand my own identity—what elements from my background I wished to prioritize and what I wished to jettison. Only then was I able to think about how my work would resonate with a person from the relevant background, what to be mindful of, and where my blindspots would interfere. 

I echo Abhaya’s recommendation for much, much more research, but also include my own personal recommendation for greater self-exploration. I strongly believe the better one knows oneself, the better they can create. It is presumptuous for me to assume, but your ask’s phrasing, the outlined plot and its themes all convey a lack of confidence in your mixed identity that may interfere with confidence when researching and world-building. I’m not saying give up on this story, but if anxiety on respectful representation is a large barrier for you at the moment, this story may be a good candidate for a personal project to keep to yourself until you feel more ready.

(See similar asker concerns here: Running Commentary: What is “ok to do” in Mixed-Culture Supernatural Fiction, here: Representing Biracial Black South American Experiences and here: Am I fetishizing my Japanese character?)

- Marika.

Start More Freely with Easy Mode

Question: Why not make a complete high-fantasy universe, with no need of establishing clear real-world parallels in the text? It gives you plenty of leg room to incorporate pluralistic, multicultural mythos + folklore into the same story without excessive sweating about historically accurate worldbuilding.

It's not a *foolproof* method; even subtly coded multicultural fantasy societies like Avatar or the Grishaverse exhibit certain harmful tropes. I also don't know if you are aiming for low vs high fantasy, or the degree of your reliance on real world culture / religion / identity cues.

But don't you think it's far easier for this fantasy project to not have the additional burden of historical accuracy in the worldbuilding? Not only because I agree with Mod Marika that perhaps you seem hesitant about the identity aspect, but because your WIP idea can include themes of othering and cultural belonging (and yes, even jabs at supremacist institutions) in an original fantasy universe too. I don't think I would mind if I saw a couple of cultural markers of a Mughal Era India-inspired society without getting a full rundown of their agricultural practices, social conventions and tax systems, lol.

Mod Abhaya has provided a few good resources about what *not* to do when drawing heavily from cultural coding. With that at hand, I don't think your project should be a problem if you simply make it an alternate universe like Etheria (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power), Inys (The Priory of the Orange Tree) or Earthsea (the Earthsea series, Ursula K. Le Guin). Mind you, we can trace the analogues to each universe, but there is a lot of freedom to maneuver as you wish when incorporating identities in original fantasy. And of course, multiple sensitivity readers are a must! Wishing you the best for the project.

- Mod Mimi

[herebutnothere]

This scene in S7 E5 is so so important to the bridge between who Rick and Michonne were as people before each other and who Rick and Michonne are as individuals and a unit once they find and learn each other.

At this point in their journey they're at a crossroads. The Saviors have just murdered their friends and have put their community under a constant state of danger and strife. The very life and freedom they walked the extra 100 miles for is at risk.

And yet...

Rick is willing to accept it. He's already lost so much and he can't see a way out that doesn't include more losses that he's not sure he can handle.

But Michonne is willing to fight. While she too has lost so much, she can't see a way forward that includes rolling over.

Rolling over like Mike (who cost her her son).

Or rolling over like Andrea (who cost her the trust and friendship she carefully opened herself up to).

So here, when Rick says that he's going to go find things to appease this force weighing on them, that he's using his time and energy and power to essentially surrender, they're at odds.

For Rick, this comes with self-doubt, self-consciousness, and embarrassment. Maybe he can't keep them safe.

For Michonne, this comes with self-doubt, fear, and hesitation. Maybe she'll lose everything again.

But it's important to note that they're at odds with the method, not at odds with each other.

So. Back to this scene.

Rick says that if you change your mind, you can join us. You can join me. (Please don't leave. Please don't doubt me. That's a pain I can't handle.)

For him, Negan's presence is the manifestation of all his internal doubts. And we've seen what happened before when those internal doubts were presented in human form (Shane x Lori).

Lori turned from him. She doubted him. She lost faith in him. She, for all intents and purposes, left him.

So when he sees Michonne's doubt and hesitations, he thinks it's happening again. That she's turning from him. That she's doubting him. That she's lost faith in him. That she'll leave him. That she's disgusted by his "weakness". That she's at odds with him because we know that he internalizes his decisions as a reflection of himself.

That she can't handle, accept, or love this side of him.

But Michonne isn't even focused on that. She's stuck on her way of doing things. Of not being able to trust anyone and needing to be the only person who can step up. She's trying to not lose Rick and Carl and the others the same way she lost her son. She's reverting to hyper-independence.

So when she shifts his peck on the cheek to kiss him fully, when she holds his face and looks into his eyes, it's her saying "I see you. I understand. And I still need to do this for myself." (I'm not at odds with you. I'm trying to prove myself wrong. I need to see it through.)

His "thank you" is for her wordless affirmation. For her grace. For her love. For her acceptance of what he thinks he needs to do and who he thinks he needs to be in this moment to keep them all safe.

And with this, the bridge between them is strengthened. The Rick who still struggles with the weight of leadership that's been thrust upon him and the Michonne who hasn't fully trusted this new world around her begin to settle. And when each comes back at the end of the day having played out their individual methods and seen the proof they need firsthand, they have a new understanding of what they're facing.

Because this time is different.

Rick didn't have her before and Michonne didn't have him.

But now, they have each other. That's why she says that together they can defeat the Saviors. They need each other. His strength and hers. Different forms of strength made more powerful and amplified by the individual experiences they've had.

Le sigh.

This is one of my favorite scenes of theirs and in my mind lays the foundation for how everything in TOWL played out, from his escape attempts to her being able to break through his trauma. Simple perfection.

[metamatar]

What is fascist about astrology? It feels like you're demeaning what fascism is by using it so loosely?

astrology seeks to explain all human behaviour as inborn and predetermined by stars that humans have no influence on. this is identical to fascist deployment of racial categories: unchangeable, essential and given primary explanatory power while rejecting socioeconomic explanations. modern astrology is also often used quite transparently to justify prejudice as rational, aligning itself directly with the ongoing fascist reaction.

fascism and its use of the occult to whip up reactionary fervor have been documented by nicholas clarke in the occult roots of nazism. here's a more recent piece drawing out the the popularity of new age mysticism and the far right.

in vedic astrology, which has immense amounts of social power and legitimacy in hindu society unlike in the west – all interpretation of the stars is done by unverifiable statements delivered by priests whose social power cannot be challenged. this tends to happen in any field of study that is basically obscurantism. godmen often then become centres of fascist reaction. these patterns are reflected in the way astrology gurus create local cults of personality around themselves.

sure, astrology and mysticism predate fascism. my claim is that their revival in modernity is often because their ideological and philosophical commitments align so obviously with fascism that it is inevitable they will end up laundering fascist ideology even when their practitioners are not fascist.

i am a godless communist in a country where there is little mysticism and religious practice that is not put to fascist use. i know i am very harsh on this stuff, but little is changing my mind atm.

eta: probably the more accurate term would be to say astrology is protofascist.

[geekgirles]

Just Look My Way

Can we please talk about the way the lyrics have changed from the original to showcase Stolas' growth and character development?

I was already surprised that what originally looked like it was just going to be a fan video ended up becoming canon content, but when I heard the different lines my mind exploded, you guys.

Note the difference, the major difference, in treatment!

In the original version, which released back in season 1 but before Ozzie's, Stolas' line was actually:

"Come now, my little impish plaything, we've both made our choice."

Keep in mind the original most likely included this line as a reference to what both Striker and Stolas said in regards to Blitzo's relationship with Stolas. Even our dear owl boy referred to him as just a plaything while saving him from D.O.R.K.S! Which most likely only helped cement Blitzo's internalised belief that Stolas would never see him as anything other than a cheap thrill.

Here, however, Stolas is cementing him as his dearest! A loved one! Someone he values and cares for! That is a huge difference from being just a sexual partner!

And the second line. OMG, THE SECOND LINE.

Unlike the original, where Stolas speaks of a choice that, realistically, was never there (as it usually is the case with relationships where there's a power imbalance and, moreover, were born out of transactional needs), this time he is reaffirming Blitzo's agency and independence. The implied choice is clear: Stolas will present the asmodean crystal to him so he no longer relies on his Grimoire and sleeps with him out of necessity. All that's left for Blitzo now will be to choose if he wants to remain by Stolas' side even then. And the choice is his.

As a quick aside, I also love the constant symbolism between Blitzo and the Moon.

Technically, compared to Stolas and the Earth, both are just satellites, nowhere near as important as a Goetia demon and member of Hell Royalty or a planet brimming with life and where beauty and wonder happen at every corner. And yet, without them neither can thrive. Stolas is as fascinated and dependent of Blitzo as the Earth is with the Moon. Without the Moon, there's no tides; it brings inspiration and romance to countless souls, brightening the night sky, just like Blitzo brightens Stolas' life.

Blitzo is Stolas' moon, and I just think that's beautiful.

Every word in this line in particular just oozes character development, too.

The original was:

"What's left for me in this broken house if I cannot have you?"

This is no longer about Stolas using Blitzo to escape his boring routine and his horrible marriage to Stella, it's about Stolas being deeply and hopelessly in love with Blitzo and not knowing what to do to convey that in a way that will reach him.

Once again, Blitzo has stopped being a mere plaything or boy toy and become so much more. He has become an essential part of Stolas' life he doesn't know what he'll do without but knows he'll have to let go of if that's what Blitzo wants!

Now, I must admit I am not exactly a fan of this change in these particular verses. On the one hand, I understand it's meant to reflect Stolas is trying to understand Blitzo and see things from is point of view, but I also feel it robs the moment of the raw feeling the original conveyed:

"Is this how she'd feel? Abandoned, all alone, left to fend for herself, for a semblance of happiness that doesn't have to end?"

"She" clearly referring to Via.

I just think it would have been more powerful to keep it and allow that juxtaposition between the most important people in his life to help Stolas understand Blitzo better. After all, he loves them both dearly and unconditionally, but his actions have also hurt them both very deeply.

I just think it'd be fitting if one allowed him to understand the other better.

Nevertheless, if there is something this song has taught me, is this: we are so not ready for the next episode.

[goldsbitch]

Right? p3

summary: Y/N is a photographer for McLaren F1 team. Hard working, goal oriented professional who would never put her career in jeopardy for some stupid crush, right?

That is until a photoshoot gets out of hand and there is no way to go but forward.

part 1, part 2

"Y/n!"

You slowly turned. The plan was to leave with the rest of the team, not staying behind with Lando - alone.

"I just have few ideas for the next phoshoot, if you'd like to talk about it," he said, loud enough for everyone to hear.

Professional. "Of course!" And with that, the last person left the room and closed the door.

The media meeting room was one of the few rooms without glass doors or windows. The only light present was from the projecting screen, still showing a big photo of Lando fucking Norris.

He was leaning on the table, light reflecting in his face while he was observing the picture.

"Narcissist much?" you teased and also leaned next to him. It's like his body was sending magnetic signals to yours.

"Always. " He paused for a moment. "If I recall correctly, these were all shot in the forest." You chose not to react. He gave you a questioning look. "Where is the rest?"

You should have expected this. Wishful thinking was not working in your favor. Or was it?

"I'm missing the car pictures, the ones where you stood above me and perhaps even those where you sat on me. Am I right?"

You turned and looked him straight to the eye. If tension was a fog in the room, you'd be able to see at arms-lenght only.

"I guess the battery gave out sooner than I noticed," you replied nonchalantly.

Lando stepped into the projector light. "Yes, that must be it...Or, there is a reason why you don't want to show them."

He was standing way too close. You had no defense for his charm. The damn scent again. The only thing you had on mind was burying your face in his neck and leaving your own mark on him. Would he be the one to moan? How would that sound?

"You know, I also like to take photos."

"Is that so?"

He was facing you directly. With a noticable hasitation, he put his finger on your chin, tracing the lines of your jaw. He ended up with him finger and his eyes on your lips.

"I would love to be on the other side of the lens. Take photo of you for once."

We are sorry to inform you, that all traces of professionality have left the room.

He slowly traced your lips with his finger and while remaining direct eye contact, you opened your mouth and licked it. It was slow, with a little pause and then suddenly the mouth that kissed yours, like he had once in real life and several times in your dreams. .

Almost as if he had read your mind, he proceeded to kiss your neck, softly not to leave a mark, but enough for him to find out you in fact do moan. His hand, wrapped around your hips, squeezed you as a direct response to the soft sounds coming out of your mouth.

"Lando," you whispered.

"Yes, baby?" his voice was shivering as well. This should not make you proud. You should stop now, anyone could walk in. You managed to break out of your paralysis, even if it was the last thing you wanted to do.

"Lando, stop."

He stopped kissing you promptly. Your foreheads pressed together.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. You almost laughed. The only thing he should feel sorry for was the fact his mouth was not exploring your body anymore.

With heavy heart, you pulled away. This was probably a silly game for him, one with potentially horrible consequences.

"I can't risk my job like this."

He nodded. "I understand. I guess. I mean, I think the times are changing a bit."

"Like having an affair with essentially your boss is not bad anymore?"

"I'm not your boss."

Oh maybe he should be.

"You know what I mean. For me it's not just a job."

He took a moment to think. "That's probably the hottest thing about you. The passion. I can understand that."

Your stomach spun. Lando called you hot?

"It's impossible for me to keep passing you around as if it's nothing. Been too long." You remained calm, knowing well enough you'll have many night to think about this sentence.

"Do you say this to all the female staff?" you joked, but tiny part of you had a legitimate worry. You were not going to be one of many, too proud for that.

"I'd have to quit if there were even only two like you, one is enough to handle."

This time you approached him and kissed him first. A little bit slower than you kissed before. It was quick, as you heard some steps on the hallway.

"Let's go on a date. Privately. So we can think clearly," he insisted.

"I don't think other people are the reason why I'm not thinking clearly."

"Come on, say yes."

"Yes, let's."

Lando stepped away, becoming more of his work self again. You went to turn on the lights again. "We can either go and take photos of you for this time, or you can show me the ones you hid from others."

The door opened and you were relieved it didn't happened a minute ago.

"Yes, let's do another photoshoot," you smirked at Lando.

part 4

______________________________________________________________

@i-wish-this-was-me

[glowupwithamy]

Finish what you started and transform your productivity

Recently i picked up a book i hadn't read in a long time for the past week i hadn't been able to work properly my tasks were going unfinished so i opened my cupboard and saw that book right in front of me. Then i read the whole book in just a one night and it sparked inspiration in me ..So i thought why not share everything i learned with all of you?

So I'm giving you guys a structured summary of Finish The Art of Following Through - Taking Action, Executing & Self Discipline by Peter Hollins -

1. The Importance of Execution

The ability to follow through allows you to create the life you desire rather than settling for the one you currently have. The process consists of focus, self-discipline, action, and persistence

2. Barriers to Follow Through

- Inhibiting Tactics: These include setting bad goals, procrastination, succumbing to distractions, and poor time management.

- Psychological Roadblocks: These encompass laziness, fear of judgment or failure, perfectionism driven by insecurity, and lack of self-awareness.

3. Staying Motivated

To remain motivated holds both external and internal motivators -

- External Motivators: These involve utilizing other people or resources to encourage action, such as accountability partners upfront investments and self bribery

- Internal Motivators: These focus on understanding personal benefits and improvements. Ask yourself questions such as How will this benefit me? and How will my life improve?

4. Developing a Manifesto

A manifesto is a set of daily rules that guide your actions so her are the some key rules -

- Rule 1: Identify if you’re acting out of laziness and avoid it.

- Rule 2: Limit yourself to three major tasks per day.

- Rule 3: Establish daily limitations and requirements

- Rule 4: Reaffirm your intentions through statements like I want I , will and I won't

- Rule 5: Reflect on the future consequences of not following through

- Rule 6: Utilize the concept of "just 10 minutes" to push through discomfort.

5. Follow Through Mindsets

- Mindset 1: Recognize the worthiness of your efforts.

⭐ Mindset 2: Become comfortable with discomfort.

- Mindset 3: Understand that learning comes from completing tasks.

- Mindset 4: Manage stress and anxiety effectively

6. Overcoming Procrastination

Procrastination can be managed through strategies such as:

- Temptation Bundling: Combine unpleasant tasks with enjoyable activities.

- Creating Momentum: Make starting tasks as easy as possible to gain momentum.

- Leveraging Fear: Use productive paranoia to spur action but cautiously

7. Minimizing Distractions

Create a work environment free from distractions and focus on

⭐ Single Tasking: Avoid multitasking to eliminate attention residue ( I will also create a separate blog on this topic i used to face this problem earlier and i have used many methods to reduce my habit of multitasking so i will write a blog about it. Don't worry )

- Batching Tasks: Group similar tasks to improve efficiency.

- Creating a Don't-Do List : Identify tasks to ignore and avoid ( This method is literally too much helpful )

8. The 40–70 Rule

This rule suggests acting when you have 70% of the necessary information as waiting for 100% is unrealistic

9. The Importance of Rest

Recognize the value of rest and relaxation as essential for mental recovery

10. Common Pitfalls

- False Hope Syndrome: Avoid unrealistic expectations and set achievable goals.

- Overthinking: Avoid excessive rumination and focus on taking action.

- Worrying: Concentrate on the present and control what you can.

11. Developing Daily Systems

Establish daily behaviors that promote consistency and long term success

⭐ Keep a Scoreboard: Track progress for motivation ( Ive been using this method for the past four days it literally shows me where I am making mistakes and what I need to do to complete my unfinished tasks )

By following these structured advice you can improve your ability to finish what you start and achieve your goals

If you have any questions or tips to share feel free to drop them in the comments in here to chat , Stay connected for more tips and insights thanks :)

[sexydreamgirl]

hey heraa, i would REALLYYY appreciate if you helped me out on this one question that has been killing me rn (it’s in bold on the bottom just incase u want to skip the tangent)

honestly, if i succeed in fulfilling myself that you replied, it'll raise my faith a little bit when/if I see that you replied.

I've been on this journey for the longest time I'm talking divineangelbee, planet, cine, bibi, dreamgrlsworld, daphne, the void obsession, the alpha waves, the mindless or just feeling while affirming, the self and void concept challenges for 2 weeks, and now applying states after edward art and neville and having things click with aphroditeapprentice and blushydior etc ; applying for months. But guess what idk what is happening and what's holding me back!

i know that if i was in the state, I obviously wouldn't be sending this message but since it doesn't matter what I do in the 3D and my human self wants to ask for help, I will ask for guidance.

I've even fulfilling myself, returning to the wish fulfilled whenever I think of my desire, I prioritize the inner man over getting physical results but you know, if someone was doing it right, it would reflected by now right? of course it would because it's the law.

I don't why it hasn't done so yet and l'm slowly and at the same time very quickly losing my faith because it's been like what, 2/3 years since I found out about the law from tumblr? I KNOW I'm meant to be living my dream life in a little cottage in Europe or big mansion in LA, I KNOW I was meant to succeed and live a life of my dreams because I deal with hard things in my life, I AM! MEANT TO SUCCEED. but what am I doing wrong if it's been months of fulfilling myself that it should've been my dominant state already? I feel good and every time I doubt, I know and tell myself that I ALREADY experience my desire in imagination and it HAS to reflect?

thank you, if you answer this I really would appreciate it :)

I'm going to try my best to answer this without further confusing you so sit tight and in the case that I do bring forward any confusion, do let me know.

In a nutshell, the point of manifesting (or moreso the purpose of life itself) is to appease hunger. That is, to free yourself from the feeling of desire (wanting something) by giving it to yourself whether it's money, the mansion, the dream life, appearance, I could go on and on because whatever you want to acquire is possible of being acquired (because imagination is limitless). If you know the law, you know imagination creates reality so imagination will always be your workshop and that is essentially how you change self (I AM).

Imagination isn't separate from reality because imagination is reality itself. Man's greatest downfall has been to separate the two as completely independent when that could not be further from the truth. When you turn to imagination and you use it to think about what it would feel like to have the face card and the mansion and the dream life, you are present in that moment to the point where it feels like a real experience. If you allow yourself to bask in the feeling of the wish fulfilled, it's as real of an experience as you reading this very post. Neville has previously discussed procuring the wish fulfilled in a way as if you are traveling through time to the end and witnessing the outcome firsthand, then you make your way back to the present and trust that it will unfold as you experienced. It's like when you watch a film you've previously watched and you already know what the ending is, you don't stop to think what could happen, you already know what will because you saw it yourself.

If time is a relevant concern for you and you're looking around to see if it's there, I'm afraid to say you haven't fully yielded to it. You simply thought of it and not from it. If you experienced it and knew that it was done, you would be appeased from hunger and you wouldn't desire it anymore. How could you want something you already have? Time is an obstacle that is standing in between you and the state of consciousness that asserts you as being someone who has the desire in question already in their possession. When you nail yourself to that state and I mean you fully yield yourself to it to the point where you don't feel separate from it anymore, the feeling of desire will vanish. You don't care about time, you don't care about the senses, nothing moves you. Why would it if you know it's yours? (Hint: this is the Sabbath)

I constantly receive so, so many "I did all of this, why hasn't it happened?" questions and I believe you when you say you really gave it your entire heart, but you should sit and ask yourself genuinely if you actually focused more on the thing itself versus quenching the desire you have for it.

I'm here once again to swear by the State Akin To Sleep and why I love it so much. I won't repeat the process since I went into it quite extensively so I highly suggest you read the post.

“Whatsoever you desire, when you pray, believe that you have received it, and you will.”

When I started understanding the SATS through the idea of it as "praying", it made so much more sense to me. You're not visualizing to get, you're visualizing to feel its reality so desire vanishes. If you use imagination to feel its reality (believe that you have received it), the 3D will follow and it shall materialize. This is one of the reasons why I love the state akin to sleep so much. It's such a simple and easy way to define the end and identify yourself with it.

When I use the SATS, I let myself sit with the wish fulfilled by thinking of what the end would look like, what would I hear, who would I be with, what would I see, etc. and I focus on it until I'm consumed by the feeling and acceptance of it and then bring myself back. I trust that my prayer has been answered because I felt the reality of it, so that must mean it's already mine. If for some reason I would feel doubtful or separate from that state of consciousness, I would simply induce the state again and focus on its reality. Do this as many times as you need to until you no longer feel compelled to because you're certain that your prayer has been heard (See: the Sabbath).

I highly encourage you to assess how you're going about manifesting and to use the State Akin To Sleep to catch the mood so you can nail yourself to it. You said it best yourself, you were meant to succeed and live the life of your dreams. Remember that failure is only an option if you let it be one. Don't give up, my love <3

[wonder2realities]

having trouble with manifesting physical results?

when it comes to manifestation, i feel like everyone acts like theres a limit and usually that limit revolves around physical changes. "you cant lose weight unless you work out AND listen to subliminals, you have to put in the work!!!" — what if i were to tell you that you can manifest literally any physical change without even moving? you probably wouldnt believe me because of the idea that you need to "work" to earn something...and yet with all of the physical changes i've manifested, i havent "worked" for anything. how? here's a little list of the rules i stick by !

1. SHAMELESSNESS IS KEY!

i'm someone who gets embarrassed very easily, over the smallest things but when it comes to manifesting anything...you gotta be shameless. yes i am waking up with a BBL and a 2-inch waist, what about it. you can pull up to my house, with scientific evidence of how thats not possible but idc cuz its happening. infact, it ALREADY happened "but you look the same" idc it still happened. like literally, no matter what its happening and its happened and it will happen ; whether it be past future or present point is ITS THERE.

2. YOU ARE ENERGY, NOT YOUR BODY

this ones a bit hard to word out but essentially, your physical body doesnt make up what you are. meaning, you can view yourself as this ball of energy that can be stretched and pulled out and morphed into everything and anything.

so lets say you want a symmetrical face :

1. dont go overanalysing your face, just sit down & take it easy

2. think of how your symmetrical face that youve always had. i mean you could honestly be a model, your facial structure is amazing. and just allow yourself to sink into those thoughts, whether its through you repeating affirmations or through subliminals — let it all sink in that your face is symmetrical. having doubtful thoughts? let them fly past, dont cling onto them. just allow yourself to sink deeper into the fact that your face is perfectly symmetrical.

3. acknowledge it and live with it. dont go eyeing your mirror and reflection every 2 seconds, dont go panicking and repeating affirmations nonstop and stressing...just acknowledge it and go on with your day.

^ its that easy. you dont need to even see your physical body morphing into it, the point is that you are able to morph and change into whatever you wish because you are not limited to your physical body.

3. NO OVERCOMPLICATIONS

you dont need to do a 40 minute workout to make sure you get results, you dont need to drink 3L of water, you dont need to write down 500 affirmations, you dont need to do a 20step skincare routine if you want to make sure you get clear skin...if you want to do these things, do them as much as you wish to. do you have to? no.

when i was younger, i got a bad injury and because of that one of my cheekbones were larger than the other — through manifestation they look identical now. like as in, if i were to tell you the injury i got into and said "my cheekbone was larger and there was a huge line under it" youd think i was making it up (sidenote : i had to show someone my passport photo from when i was like 8 to prove that i had that injury 😭 CUZ THEY DIDNT BELIEVE ME.) and mind you, i didnt even have a routine - my routine was literally just playing cute subliminals , vibing to the music and then going to sleep. i promise you, you dont need to do any form of "work" to get what you desire.

4. GO WITH YOUR GUT

probably the most important thing i stick by, i always go with my gut. meaning, if i feel like i can listen to a 5 second subliminal and i got it - i leave it there. i dont force anything, i dont push myself into anything and i dont do anything that someone else does if it doesnt vibe well with me. (this also means if youre reading this and going "this doesnt really work with me" - thatll be better than you forcing yourself to follow these rules just because these have worked for me). you need to always remember that when it comes to manifesting things, your preference comes first. so, if you wanna run 5 miles and that helps you believe that you have gotten your desires - do it.

5. DONT LET OTHERS GET TO YOU

if youre minding your business and youre talking abt your desires and someone goes "erm...🤓👆🏽 thats...not possible" - instead of secondguessing yourself literally ignore them. the concept of whats possible and whats real all boils down to what you BELIEVE is possible/real. the only reason something could not be possible or not be real is you believe it isnt, or you letting someone else who doesnt believe in it take over your beliefs (obviously this specifically applies to manifestation and not things that are tied to disorders or any form of unhealthy thinking. dont take my words out of this context.)

and thats all ! obviously i have other parts of my mindset that arent mentioned here that help me manifest faster and easier but it would take too long for me to get into everything </3 but consider these my 5 golden rules that will hopefully help anyone whos struggling with physical results.

rmbr that you are forever limitless & changing ★

[wen-kexing-apologist]

What are your top 5 “oh” moments. Like the moment that a character realizes that they are in love or that they realize another character is in love with them. ❤️

Ooo I love this question, and naturally the second I am presented with it I forget every single ‘oh’ moment that exists in all of media. And also I have watched too much of media so I forget a lot of things. I’m going to stick to BL because I didn’t really watch a lot of romance stuff before I found this genre and it’s fresher in my memory. 

Pat in Bad Buddy 

gif by @nick-nellson

My absolute favorite thing about the ‘oh’ moment in Bad Buddy for Pat is that Pat is someone that must act immediately. Pat does not sit on his feelings, he doesn’t mull them over, he doesn’t spend any time reflecting. He figures out that he likes Pran and then immediately seeks him out, immediately talks to him about how lonely he was without Pran when Pran transferred schools, immediately tells Pran his feelings. Pat and Pran are such good balances to each other. Pat’s family has always won, Ming has always won, Pat is not punished for interacting with Pran the way that Pran is. So Pran learned to quiet down, to hide, to keep things close to the chest. And he’s been harboring these feelings for Pat for so long without slipping up about it. But because Pat has never really experienced the severe consequences Pran has, he’s open, and honest, and expressive. 

I love love love love LOVE the sigh of relief, the utter bliss and joy that we see on Pat’s face when they pull away from their kiss, and you can tell that to Pat everything makes sense! It’s a relief, he understands his feelings, he’s let Pran know, Pran has responded in kind. And I love love love love LOVE Pran’s reaction to realizing Pat liked him back, the way he sets his jaw before he goes in for the second kiss, the way he can’t let himself have it, the way he knows he essentially signing a death warrant if he allows this for himself and his mother finds out. So he is devastated, he has to walk away from the moment. It’s such a phenomenal execution of an ‘oh’ moment. 

Im Han Tae in Sing My Crush 

gif by @smileytharn

Sing My Crush is probably my favorite offering I’ve seen out of Korea, I love it so much and for so many reasons. I love the level of comfortability and platonic intimacy that we get between Han Ba Ram and Im Han Tae from the jump. Those boys are so comfortable with each other, and though Han Ba Ram is a perpetually suffering homo being cuddled by his unrequited crush, the love and care they have for eachother is so palpable. What I love about the “oh” moment in Sing My Crush is that it really is simultaneously short and sweet and prolonged. In Episode 5, Han Ba Ram confesses his feelings to Im Han Tae, and we get Han Tae’s initial “huh?” reaction, that includes them dropping their held hands, and Han Tae has zero processing time before Ba Ram is telling him he is leaving and then running away. And I love that the second that Ba Ram is out of site and Han Tae has a moment to contemplate, he sits down, and he just stares at his hands. 

AND THEN WE GET THIS BEAUTIFUL MONTAGE THAT JUST REPLAYS ALL OF THESE MOMENTS OF INTIMACY BETWEEN BA RAM AND HAN TAE BUT HAN TAE IS RECONTEXTUALIZING THEM IN REAL TIME TO PROCESS HIS OWN FEELINGS FOR BA RAM. 

And then right after that we just a scene where Han Tae is just dissociating about it until he reaches a point of understanding and comfortabilty with it. And then…

Nothing. 

Han Tae and Ba Ram go right back to interacting like they usually do, and the confession just sits, and Han Tae is touching Ba Ram, is letting Ba Ram wrap his arms around him, is telling Ba Ram to lean on him. Han Tae is showing Ba Ram it is okay, he’s okay with this, at least with knowing that Ba Ram likes him. But Ba Ram is depressed, and he’s been hurt before, and I love the way Han Ba Ram and Im Han Tae are able to work through some of their own feelings in the boxing ring. And Han Ba Ram gets to devastate us all with the:  “Why is it so tiring to like someone? What did I do wrong?” 

Like, we know that Han Tae likes Ba Ram, but then he sits on it for an entire episode, until Ba Ram takes back his confession because of all the shit with that dickhead music teacher. And we get Ba Ram’s “oh, he likes me’ moment an entire episode later. I don’t know, I think it’s lovely. 

Nozue in Old Fashion Cupcake 

gif by @itachis

All I have to say is: Togawa, you poor fucker, I am so sorry for the agonizing torture Nozue unintentionally put you through by calling you hot, offering his body, and going out on dates with him when Nozue didn’t know you had a crush on him. Old Fashion Cupcake is nearly untouchable in it’s ‘oh’ moment. It’s handled so brilliantly, the rise in tension between them, the anxiety just radiating off of Nozue, the way all pretense from Nozue just falls away, the four minute continuous shot! 

Like, truly you when Togawa starts waxing poetic about how he’s got the spark for life because of Nozue and things start to click in to place for Nozue, and I love love love love love the build-up to the kiss, it’s peaceful and they are getting somewhere and then Togoawa gets the phone call and Nozue panics. Nozue starts making increasingly ridiculous, half-hearted, and obvious excuses to get the fuck out of Togawa’s apartment. The way Togawa grabs him? Incredible. But the response from Nozue throughout the kiss? It takes an incredibly strong actor to handle it the way that Nozue did. The utter confusion at the beginning, the gears turning in his head, trying to figure out how he fucking got here, while at the same time kissing back. GOD! So good! So so good!

Kiyoi in Utsukushii Kare, Season 2

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

This is a non-traditional ‘oh’ moment, because it isn’t a “oh i’m in love” or “oh I love him” moment at all. What it is is a “oh I’ve been mistaken” moment that is just absolutely brutal and heartbreaking. There is no doubt whatsoever that Kiyoi is in love with Hira, every fiber of Kiyoi’s being, every cell in that boy’s body loves Hira. But Hira has not loved Kiyoi, he’s been obsessed with Kiyoi, he’s glorified Kiyoi, he’s looked at Kiyoi as a god Hira should worship and serve. The way Yagi Yusei plays the moment that Kiyoi realizes that his understanding of his relationship with Hira is horrifically flawed. The way Kiyoi looks like he’s been slapped the second that Hira admits he isn't sure he wants to understand Kiyoi? It’s brilliant. “I’m sorry I like you” like???????? hello????????? 

Shiro, What Did You Eat Yesterday? Season 2

gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses

Again not a strictly traditional “oh” moment, because Kenji and Shiro have been in a relationship for eight years at this point, they love each other, even if Shiro is not the kind of person to say it. But man, I just…nothing brought me to tears faster than Shiro’s “oh, he really loves me and I really love him” moment in Season 2 when Kenji runs out to get onions because he threw the old ones out and Shiro needed one to make dinner. The contrast we have had throughout the episode with the flashbacks to Shiro’s last relationship that was extremely one sided and cold, to the bright, colorful, warmth of the current day, with Kenji. I will never recover from the line “I think I’ll use two chicken breasts tonight” while Shiro stands there with tears in his eyes, overwhelmed at the realization that he truly loved and cared for. 

Bonus: Invisible Oh Moment

Uea in Bed Friend

gif by @ueasking

I want to talk about Uea’s “oh” moment in Bed Friend because I don’t think there is any clear “oh” moment. The boy doesn’t run, he doesn’t confess, but there are a couple of points that stood out to me as Uea shifting how he thinks of King, Episode 4 is really the point of change. There are a ton of little moments throughout the episode where you can really see Uea start to soften towards King. We have the first chip in the armor when King [tells Uea he doesn’t deserve to be treated that way after Pock’s assault in the garage], the second chip when King treats his bruises so gently, the third when King brings the birthday cake. You can tell the morning after that Uea is no longer thinking of King as a bed friend, and even more over you get this incredible moment in Episode 6 right after their sex scene where it is so disgustingly obvious that King wants to ask Uea to be his boyfriend and that Uea would say yes without a moment’s hesitation. And that is why I didn’t want to leave it out of the list. Because honestly, I have not seen many shows in 2023 that used sex better than Bed Friend. Every single sexual encounter we got out of KingUea was followed by a shift in their relationship, and in a space where kink is rarely used or used poorly, I think it was vitally important that the kinky sex is what solidified Uea’s feelings for King. 

Bonus Bonus: Uh Oh moment 

Teh in I Told Sunset About You

gif by @mickeysarmyguy

I go absolutely feral for moments where characters finally give in to a desire and then are able to just like, pull the leash back, clamp their feelings down, and walk away. I cannot overstate the level to which I was impacted by the final scene in Episode 3 of ITSAY where Teh is scratching Oh’s back and smelling him. I do not think I breathed through that scene because of how oppressive the tension was between them. But the second that Teh grabbed Oh’s pecs and realized there weren’t breasts there and he just locks all his feelings behind bars is just…I don’t even have words. 

[lassify]

The Origins of Anya's Name

*Spoilers for Mission 11*

Thanks to the CDA discord for inspiring me to write this.

As someone who shares a name with our beloved main character, I am just now realising that I have taken for granted how 'Anya' goes through several different spelling presentations in the manga. Blame the people in my life who constantly mispell it, which has densitised me to all the versions.😂

So, I know none of you asked for this little etymology lesson, but here you go anyway 🥰

P1: Anya

'Anya' is the Anglicisation of both 'Anja' and 'Ania'. (It is, in my biased opinion, the best version.)

P2: Anja

Anya with a 'j' (still pronounced as a 'y') originates from Germany. On reflection, it's interesting that although SxF is set in a German-adjacent country, we never see this version.

P3: Ania

In the early chapters, many of you noticed that Anya's name was spelled "Ania" on the front of her door. This is actually not a spelling mistake, because "Ania" originates from Eastern Europe (e.g. Poland or Russia, but I lean towards Polish explanations because that is my ancestry).

The interesting thing about this version is that "Ania" is actually the diminutive of "Anna". Eastern European names tend to have a 'formal' version (the name on legal documents), and the 'diminutive' version, which is essentially a nickname that close friends or family would use.

In Polish, other examples of diminutives would be:

'Olka' for 'Aleksandra' (sound familiar?)

'Basia' for 'Barbara'

'Kasia' for 'Katarzyna'

'Joasia' for 'Joanna' (sometimes people will also use 'Asia' - pronounced 'Asha') - As a side note, this sounds a bit familiar to the previous incarnation of Anya's design, which I believe was 'Ashe'. Perhaps Endo just really like diminutives. Perhaps it's a coincidence.

I also think it's interesting that Yor carved this version first. I'm wondering if it relates somehow to Yor's background, for example if her hometown was bordering an Eastern European country, or if she knows anyone with this background.

If I were use the information from Mission 11 to create a hypothesis, it would be that Anya (the character) likely originates from a Polish/Russian/Eastern European country in the SxF world. I think because Endo has used diminutives for other characters (e.g. Olka), a country like this likely exists in this world.

(I've actually HC'd this for a long time, I've just never had a chance to bring it up...)

Secondly, because the name 'Ania' is also used by friends and family, it is also possible that Anya doesn't know that her formal/legal name might actually be Anna. I would like to believe that in Anya's pre-lab life, she learned that her name is 'Anya' because the name was spoken by someone who loved her.

I'm not sure why the scientists at the lab called her 'Anya' instead of her lab number: perhaps the lab is not located in her home country, and therefore the scientists wouldn't know that the actual origin is 'Anna'. Or maybe they use her diminutive because it is a manipulative tactic to get her to comply with their demands (by appearing more 'friendly'). Who knows.

This could potentially make the reveal of her past that much more heartbreaking, as we don't know yet how she ended up in the lab.

Finally:

I've seen so many more hypotheses and theories from this chapter, so feel free to add them on! Thank you for reading and letting me share my piece.

[em-dash-press]

Why Creative Writing Might Make You Anxious (Even If You Love It)

When I sit down to write, sometimes I get so anxious that my stomach gets queasy. It can happen even when I’m wondering if I’ll have time to write today.

Anxiety affects even the best writers, so let’s talk about why your favorite hobby might also put you on edge.

Your Stories Involve Topics You Care About

Great stories always have centralized themes. Your theme drives your plot, informs your character’s choices, and draws readers in.

They’re essential, but they can also be deeply meaningful. You might feel the weight of being a voice on the topic, even if you’re talking about it through a goofy or unrealistic story.

Solution: Remember that you’re continuing a conversation, not presenting yourself as the all-knowing leader on any given theme. Give your perspective and thoughts on the theme through your work. Your unique take is why your readers will pick up your work.

Your Work Relates to Your Past or Present

Inspiration comes from anywhere. You might get an idea while walking the dog, but you can also think of stories when reflecting on your past or present.

Sometimes that means opening up parts of our history that wounded us. They might still feel like pressing on a bruise, even if you’re only writing a story for yourself.

Solution: Be gentle with yourself if you’re writing about a deeply personal topic, event, subject, or period in your life. Recognize that your anxiety is likely your brain trying to protect you, not sabotage you. If you can’t let it wash over you and continue your writing, consider starting therapy before writing your short story or novel. OpenPath is a great affordable option, along with sliding-scale therapists in your town. You might need to process that sensitive subject before you can write about it.

Your Story Feels Complicated

Longer stories can be overwhelming, even if they’re stories we desperately want to finish. They might involve more plotlines than you’re used to handling or a bigger cast of characters you need to develop.

We grow as writers by taking on new creative challenges. A few things I want to remind you if you feel like this is the source of your creative writing anxiety:

There’s no rush to finish a story. Ever.

Give yourself extra time when you’re trying something new. You wouldn’t expect a new runner to finish a marathon in 2 hours.

Take breaks to reset your energy, especially when you feel frustrated or anxious.

It’s okay to not finish a story.

Read that one again.

It really is okay to not finish a story.

You might come back to it in a year or two or three when your plot management or character development skills are better. It’s never a mark of failure to leave a draft in a to-be-finished folder.

Solution: Read through the bullet points above. Be gentle with yourself. Practice in shorter story forms, even with the same characters. You always have the judgment-free choice to finish a story or delete it entirely.

You Don’t Have a Plot Outline

Free writing is great. It’s a completely valid way to write short stories and novels. Some people excel at it. Others need an outline.

You might feel anxious about your current writing sessions because you don’t know where your story is going or how it will end. It’s a normal thing to experience and doesn’t make you any less of a writer—even if creating a plot outline changes your writing method temporarily.

Solution: Acknowledge that it’s okay to change your writing process sometimes. Every story needs a different support structure. Write your story idea in a single sentence, then expand on it in a paragraph. You can transform that into a bullet-point list or outline that makes writing the story more manageable.

You Haven’t Been Writing For a While

Some writers dream of having the time to write every day. Others like to write, but wouldn’t want to spend hours every day with their latest draft.

No matter what you prefer, sometimes returning to the craft of writing can spark anxiety if it’s been a while since your last creative venture. Whether it’s motivated by guilt, embarrassment, or shame, you’re not alone. It’s a typical form of creative anxiety and it’s something you can absolutely handle.

Solution: Give yourself some slack. Writing routines always change. Sometimes life draws us away from our creative writing for months or years at a time. You’re still a writer. Whatever your story becomes will be valid.

You Have a Loud Inner Critic

We’ve all been there. You’re trying to write but your inner critic is holding you back. You might want to jump into editing so you only continue with a perfect draft. Maybe you’re constantly polishing your world-building or character details.

The pressure naturally translates into anxiety. It’s okay to step away from your work if this anxiety makes you uncomfortable. You can always return when your inner critic is distracted or you feel more naturally confident.

Solution: Ask that inner critic to take a backseat. They’ll give you a powerful advantage when you move from the writing phase into the editing phases. Linework and structural editing can always happen later. But to reach that point, you need a draft. Preferably, your worst draft possible. Go wild with your writing—that’s what a first draft is for.

-----

It’s okay to love creative writing and also feel anxious about it. I think the only time anxiety didn’t affect my writing was when I was a kid and had never received criticism, constructive or otherwise.

Be gentle with yourself as you reflect on your anxiety triggers and potential solutions. You’re in the for the long run. Sustainable help will be your best source of help.

[saintsenara]

I come to you with this question because, having read all your other metas, I think you'd be the right person to ask. Id love to know what you think about Regulus because I have a very hard time understanding his character. Partly because of fanon characterization of him makes him seem like some secret rebel against Voldemort and partly because I just can't really understand any of his motivations. But regardless, I think what we know about him in canon is so interesting - i just can piece it all together. I'd love to know what you think!

(Sorry for the longish ask)

thank you very much for the ask, @hauntingpercival! regulus is a character i also find a bit of a mystery, and so thinking through this answer was really fun.

i'll start by being clear that i'm certainly not a regulus fan. by which i not only mean that i don't vibe with the fanon!regulus of the marauders fandom, who is essentially an original character - and you can read my views on jegulus here... [spoiler alert: i do not back it] - but that when he appears in my own writing in ways i'd like to hope feel influenced by his canon form, i always find myself focusing on aspects of his character which are rather unlikeable.

there is a little bit of a discourse-y reason for this, which will be pertinent to the rest of this answer...

i really don't like the sort of "omg aristocracy is so hot and sexy and interesting" tropes which are so prevalent in writing around the black family. this is firstly because i don't think that aristocracy is in any way these things - and i find it distasteful to imply otherwise - which is because i'm a prole who lives somewhere still bearing the scars of british colonisation who also went to the sort of university where one sometimes encountered aristocrats and they were all cringe and unbearable.

but it's also because it's not - and i will genuinely die on this hill - an accurate reflection of how the blacks are presented in canon. not only does it take sirius' comment that his parents considered themselves "practically royal" to be a statement of fact [sirius is quite clearly taking the piss out of his parents' pretensions], but it also misses that the purpose sirius' discussion of orion and walburga's politics serves in the narrative of order of the phoenix is to show how mainstream their blood-supremacist views were.

sirius tells us that his parents were not death eaters, but that they nonetheless thought voldemort's overtly sectarian political aims were correct. in this, they hold the political views order of the phoenix emphasises belong to cornelius fudge - unimaginative, deferential to the class system, casually prejudiced, and so on. orion and walburga function as a way of showing us just how entrenched the death eaters' manifesto is, how close voldemort came to winning the first war, and what an uphill struggle the order faces to unravel the roots blood-supremacy has in the wizarding world.

[and they also show that the baffling vibes of grimmauld place - while these are made worse by it being three different gothic literature tropes in a trenchcoat - are wizarding norms, rather than evidence that the blacks were uniquely immersed in dark magic. the decor at grimmauld place - and the family's collection of dark artefacts - is the same as that found in malfoy manor, even at a time when lucius malfoy is considered eminently socially respectable. this is a point we will come back to...]

i think, then, that it's crucial to approach regulus not as a swaggering aristocrat, but as someone from an upper-class background which - while still posh, rich, inferring enormous social capital, well-connected - was unremarkable within the circles in which he moved.

by which i mean that hogwarts is based on real-world institutions - britain's elite boarding schools - which are so exclusive and expensive to attend that the student body are from a class-background which seems inhumanly exclusive, affluent, and powerful from an outsider perspective [i.e. from the perspective of someone from the majority middle- and working-classes] but which seems completely normal within the student body itself.

[i.e. nobody at eton with princes william and harry will have been astonished to have been at school with a royal, because they will have been familiar with their social circles, cultural experiences, level of wealth, and expectation of knowing someone with considerable social influence from childhood.]

while hogwarts appears to be a state-funded school [although it also expects an enormous amount of financial investment on the part of parents - such as buying all the textbooks], the fact that its real-world parallels are so elite [and, therefore, come with a specific "look" in the british cultural imagination] means that the student body is incredibly well-heeled and working-class students stand out enormously in a way very rich students do not. hogwarts also exists - like real-world elite schools and universities - as a way of propping up the status quo of the class system by which the wizarding world functions. its pupils have an expectation of procuring jobs in the civil service and other influential professions - using not only connections established at school but connections they possess through their [male] relatives. many hogwarts students we meet in canon are related to someone who occupies an elite position in the wizarding executive or is otherwise socio-politically influential.

at school, then, regulus would have been completely, perfectly average in terms of social position. i also like the idea of him as perfectly average in terms of intellect - and as a good, but not exceptional, seeker. this provides a really interesting point of contrast with sirius, who - while he's also not socially unusual in terms of class [and i will never vibe with tropes like him being followed by whispers going "omg, he's a black, that means he's important"] - stands out in that he's the first black in generations not to be in slytherin, that he's precociously intelligent, and that he - and the rest of the marauders - are class clowns and show-offs.

and i like the idea that this would give regulus a desire to stand out - to be considered the most important person in the whole school. we can get a hint of this in canon - the picture of sirius and his friends harry sees in deathly hallows is immediately contrasted with a picture of regulus sitting in the seeker's position in the team photo. the seeker who acts alone.

and i think this desire for notoriety is what drives him to sign up to become a death eater - that he decides he's sick of having parents with the perfectly normal level of social influence and a brother who is more popular than him, and that he thinks that he's cleverer and more worthy of attention than everyone else in the castle and the world better start showing it.

[and i've never bought - i'm afraid - the idea that he and sirius are close. it's clear from canon that regulus had no issue being thought of as "a much better son" than sirius, and that he colluded with his parents against him. sirius can love him - and miss him, and regret how they were never able to repair their relationship - but i don't think this means that he feels he's lost a bestie.]

that he holds sincere blood-supremacist views is a given - because within the world in which he lives, these are completely normal and held completely casually [i.e. that slughorn is shocked lily could be muggleborn because she's clever]. the more virulent expression of these views - saying "mudblood", etc. - is clearly considered ill-mannered, but not something which might have any real impact on one's social standing [draco malfoy uses the term with impunity while at school, and nobody ever considers that informing a teacher of this would result in him being punished; equally, nobody from the crowd who witness the event reports snape for calling lily a mudblood].

and so i think it's clear that he becomes interested in joining the death eaters - and starts putting together his terrorism pinterest board - because his mainstream belief that being pureblood is better crashes into his desire to be special to form a conviction that riding the coattails of voldemort's ostentatious malevolence is the way he can become famous.

[in this, he is very like snape.]

my assumption is that regulus is one academic year below sirius, meaning that he was born in 1960-1961. my assumption is also that he receives his dark mark while still at school - probably at some point in his newt years [so the academic years 1977-1978 and 1978-1979].

the standard view - expressed vehemently by various order members in half-blood prince - is that voldemort has no interest in death eaters who are still at school.

the order is wrong about this, obviously - not only when it comes to their refusal to accept that harry's right about draco malfoy being marked, but also in the fact that several of the death eaters who are very young at the end of the first war, barty crouch jr. [who is still young enough to be described as a "boy" in 1982 at the earliest], chief among them, must have been taken on by voldemort prior to graduating.

but it seems fair to say that admitting teenagers into his inner circle is unusual for voldemort, especially when those teenagers don't really offer him anything useful. crouch, for example, could be put to work informing on his father's movements. regulus is - as i've said - just ordinary.

and so my view has always been that regulus is marked by voldemort as a favour to bellatrix. i think this partially because i'm bellamort trash, partially because i think it's a nice narrative parallel between regulus and draco [who are very similar] to have bellatrix be responsible for regulus' recruitment when she's canonically vociferously in favour of draco's, and partially because realising that voldemort thinks of him as just some guy who warrants [essentially] a pity dark mark would be a big blow to regulus' conviction that joining the death eaters would make him impressive.

[i also think regulus is recruited before 1978 because i think there has to be a shift in voldemort's modus operandi at about this point, in order for the fact that sirius says that his parents got cold feet about what the dark lord was prepared to do after regulus became a death eater to make sense. my view has always been that voldemort's violence prior to c.1978 overwhelmingly targets state institutions and people connected to them and/or people with known anti-voldemort political views, meaning that ordinary citizens can regard these people being killed or injured as reasonable risks of their jobs and/or behaviour. and then that after c.1978, the dark lord begins targeting civilians - including upper-class pureblood civilians - indiscriminately, which makes his casual supporters start to waver a bit.]

so, let's suppose that regulus leaves hogwarts in june 1979 and finds himself expected to participate as a full death eater, after having been let off all the dirty work by virtue of being at school...

as i've said, regulus has an enormous number of narrative parallels with draco malfoy. and i think that the best way to think about him is to write him as sharing draco's canonical attitude to voldemort's cause - that he believes whole-heartedly in the message of blood-supremacy the dark lord promotes and that he has no problem with people he considers subhuman [mudbloods and blood-traitors] or unimportant [faceless families massacred in their own homes] being subjected to violence in the name of that message, but that he lacks the character traits necessary to perform that violence himself, to see it done to people he likes, or to witness what it actually involves versus the image he has of it in his head.

and so i imagine he starts struggling pretty quickly with the fact that being a death eater isn't quite as easy as he thought it would be when he was making voldemort fancams on tiktok. and that part of the reason he's primed to turn against the dark lord is because of the tension he feels warring within him at the fact that he's still a blood-supremacist, still desperate to be important, and yet growing disenchanted.

i don't however, think this is why he does what he does... so let's get into that:

why does regulus turn against voldemort?

let's be clear about one thing - regulus turning against voldemort has nothing to do with him having some sort of damascene conversion against blood-supremacy.

[or, at least, that's what i think.]

the outline of regulus' defection that we get in canon goes as follows:

voldemort asks someone to lend him a house elf. we know that regulus volunteers kreacher, because he told kreacher so - and so i imagine voldemort mentions at a meeting that he wants to procure an elf [although, of course, he doesn't elaborate on why] and regulus immediately jumps up and says "pick me, my lord" because he sees this as an opportunity to get voldemort to finally notice him.

his assumption must be that voldemort will use kreacher for a purpose which is considered normal in wizarding society - i.e. that he will require him to do something akin to domestic service, perhaps preparing potions ingredients.

it evidently does not occur to him that voldemort would transgress this social boundary and harm kreacher. not - to be clear - because i think that regulus was some kind of abolitionist legend, but because we see several characters express the view in goblet of fire that how barty crouch sr. treats winky is his own business, and that it is impolite for respectable wizards to comment on how anyone else treats his slave. this sort of social behaviour will have a second part - that it is impolite for respectable wizards to treat anyone else's slave in a way which goes beyond what wizarding slaveowners see as normal.

or: that it's fine to be lent a slave to serve you, but very much not fine to nearly kill that slave [someone else's property!] for your own gain.

kreacher informs regulus what voldemort asked of him, which makes regulus suspicious about what the object voldemort deposited in the cave was. regulus then decides to investigate.

kreacher tells us that regulus goes away for an indeterminate period of time and then returns to grimmauld place "disturbed in his mind".

dumbledore claims in half-blood prince that voldemort appears not to wear or display the objects the horcruxes are made from after he turns them into horcruxes. i think we can agree with this or not without it affecting the story - i quite like the idea that voldemort doesn't make the locket until the later 1970s [maybe after the murder of dorcas meadowes, the only person in the first war other than james and lily to have canonically been killed by him personally], but we can also say that he might have worn or displayed it when it was already a horcrux. certainly, regulus must have seen the locket - either on voldemort or somewhere in his lair - and, after kreacher tells him what happened, he goes to see if it's still there.

when he discovers it isn't, he comes to an important conclusion. one which requires a little detour...

how does regulus know what a horcrux is?

i complained at the start of this answer about the black family being portrayed as unusually immersed in the dark arts - rather than some sort of familiarity with the dark arts being perfectly normal for people of their social class.

and i am sure that you might think I'm about to have to eat my words, since i'm not going to try and deny that regulus was able to identify a horcrux all by himself...

but, actually, i'm just chucking malevolently at the opportunity to clamber onto my soapbox and say:

horcruxes are canonically not magic which only a handful of people know about. where voldemort goes beyond the theory of horcruxes which a wizard of regulus' class-background would be familiar with is that he makes seven.

this doesn't mean - to be clear - that i think it was ever common to make a horcrux [i don't think the wizarding world is quite that lawless...], but that it was reasonable to know they exist, in the way that we might have some general understanding of something macabre - like techniques for disposing of a body - which would enable us to suspect if we saw a neighbour behaving strangely while doing one of those things...

after all, slughorn can suggest [even if he doesn't believe this is what he wants to do] that voldemort could justify his interest in horcruxes by using the excuse that he's working on a project for defence against the dark arts.

that harry, ron, and hermione don't know about them is a result of a combination of their own lack of interest in the theory of the dark arts, the information blackout instituted by dumbledore at some point after voldemort graduates [and my theory as to why dumbledore hates horcruxes even in the forties? grindelwald made one - hence why dumbledore is so hopeful at king's cross that the rumours of his repentance might have been true...], and the fact that they don't discuss their mission with anyone [tonks, kingsley, and moody, who literally have to specialise in dark objects as part of their jobs, would one hundo have known what a horcrux was].

[what they would not have known is what voldemort's horcruxes were likely to be made of and where they were likely to be. it's this - rather than the idea that horcruxes are completely unknowable magic - that is why it has to be harry in charge of hunting them down: he's the only person in the series who knows voldemort well enough to realise that, for example, he'd have hidden one in gringotts because of his jealousy at being excluded from this pillar of wizarding normality.]

so, regulus has a little rummage, works out the locket has disappeared, and has no trouble - especially because voldemort mentions in goblet of fire that he'd told his death eaters he couldn't die [which regulus might not have thought was him speaking literally] prior to 1981 - guessing what it's being used for.

and so, regulus turns against voldemort.

and i think that he does this because the horcrux makes it impossible for him to pretend any longer that voldemort's aims are - when the ministry is forced to the negotiating table by his paramilitary activities - an oligarchy in which upper-class pureblood families benefit and muggleborns and blood-traitors become second-class citizens, but which doesn't deviate too much in terms of its overwhelming norms from the way wizarding society functioned at that time. instead, he is confronted with the undeniable fact that voldemort intends to reign forever as an immortal absolute monarch, and that he has never had any intention of elevating regulus and people like him to the positions of importance he so craved.

[we see something similar happen to draco, whose increasing fear of voldemort throughout half-blood prince and deathly hallows is clearly driven by him realising that voldemort isn't joking when he says that he'll kill him and his parents unless he obeys orders, but is joking when he says he'll be considered a valuable servant should he manage to kill dumbledore...]

and so his death - and his threat to destroy the horcrux - is a repudiation of his beliefs. but, specifically, it is a repudiation of his conviction that voldemort was a primarily political figure who would act as a champion of the pureblood class-system. it's him recognising that voldemort would not stop with a takeover of the ministry - he would kill and kill forever, concerned only with how much further he could venture beyond the norms of magic.

[i-heart-hxh]

Is there really a married couple dynamic between Killua and Gon? If so, any examples of similarities to other couples in the anime?

The director of the 2011 anime thinks so!

I agree with what he said, although of course there's a limited degree to which this comparison applies because we are talking about two young boys (who aren't even in an actual romantic relationship yet), after all. :p The ways they resemble a married couple in my opinion include, but are certainly not limited to:

Extreme trust between and reliance on one another

Being synchronized in their actions and thoughts in many cases (as if they've been together a long time)

They have a good understanding of each other and insight into how the other thinks

They bicker over silly things, but quickly go back to getting along after disputes

They essentially lived together in the around two years they were together. They were with each other almost constantly during that time, and there's a degree of domesticity and closeness/comfort to their relationship as a result

They talk to each other almost non-stop, to a point where we see them chattering away in the background frequently

They work together towards common goals by default and generally only compete for fun

To quote Hiroshi Koujina (from the post linked above), "Gon is the free-spirited husband, and Killua is the wife who silently supports him" <- I think this is a good summary of their dynamic within this context, LOL

It's hard to compare them to many couples in the series because honestly, HxH doesn't have many actual romantic couples to begin with. Togashi tends to kill one half or more of the romantic couples he sets up, often before they get to have a good life together. Think Squala and Eliza, Pokkle and Ponzu...

However, Meruem and Komugi are parallels to Gon and Killua, and that's essentially undeniable with how many layers of parallel/similarity exist between the two pairs. That's a topic for a whole other post (I could go on and on, and it's hard to summarize), but the way Meruem and Komugi's relationship develops is also telling of Gon and Killua's dynamic because the two are intended to exist in comparison with each other and reflect each other.

One of Komugi's final lines to Meruem was essentially an old-fashioned way to accept a marriage proposal ("I may not be much, but please, let me accompany you"), and Meruem and Komugi complete a lover's suicide (like Killua was considering doing with Gon). Obviously these character pairs are separate, and it's not as though I think Gon and Killua will suffer the same fate, but I do think it's very meaningful (especially in conjunction with the loads of other subtext present in the series) that Togashi chose another pair with obvious romantic subtext to mirror Gon and Killua, and that that relationship ended with "marriage" in an abstract sense.

Even Komugi's phrase I mentioned above has similarities with Gon and Killua, with Killua's, "Gon. You are light. Sometimes you shine so brightly, I must look away. But even so, is it still okay if I stay at your side?" It's essentially saying the same thing as Komugi's phrase.

I'd argue there's also some degree of parallels with Ging and Kite, Knuckle and Shoot, Kacho and Fugetsu, Kurapika and Pairo, and most likely others, though of course those aren't romantic in nature. I do think the fact that there are so many points of comparison is interesting, though, it reinforces the themes of the series that Gon and Killua exemplify.

Also, just a silly little sidenote, but Nagareboshi Kirari from the 2011 anime does have wedding bells in it. Take that as you will!

I hope that's helpful!

[highpriestessarchives]

Fear: Using Stoicism to Shape Characters

WC: 2,730

Introduction

Like many people, I suffer from severe panic and anxiety attacks. My heart races at what feels like a thousand beats per minute, I get a cold sweat, and my thoughts do not have a filter. The latter of which, I find the most dangerous and disturbing, especially when said attacks get triggered by something so small or nothing at all.

A lot of the time, they boil down to not feeling safe. I feel like I’m vulnerable, that the worst things that happened to me will happen again tenfold, or I’ve become the worst person in existence. Fear, as a lot of us know, can have us assume the worst.

I’m still working on managing my fear, if it can be managed at all, but a lot of what I’ve been practicing is essentially Stoicism. Epictetus, a Greek Stoic philosopher, often highlighted that it is not events themselves that disturb people, but rather their judgments about those events. One famous quote attributed to Epictetus that reflects this idea is: “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.”

This sentiment suggests that fear and other negative emotions stem not from objective reality but from our interpretations and perceptions of reality.

I thought, “What a wonderful way to get to know our characters!” Not only do we have to have a grasp on the world around them, we have to understand the extent of how they perceive said reality and how it leads to their own fears as well as their ambitions, passions, hate, love, etc.

Amor Fati

One of my favorite phrases is “amor fati.” It’s what helped me most in navigating my own fears and, as a result, writing some ways in which my characters handle theirs.

The idea of “amor fati” is closely associated with philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, even though they didn't use those exact words. However, it was Nietzsche who made it a key part of his philosophy. He believed that true greatness comes from embracing fate and wanting nothing to change, not in the past, present, or future. In simple terms, it means loving and accepting everything that happens, rather than just enduring it.

When considering the relationship between “amor fati” and fear, several key points emerge:

Acceptance of the Uncontrollable: Fear often arises from the unknown or from circumstances beyond our control. “Amor fati” encourages individuals to relinquish their resistance to such uncertainties and to accept that life is inherently unpredictable. By embracing fate, individuals can find solace in the realization that some things are simply beyond their power to change or influence.

Facing Adversity with Resilience: Rather than viewing challenges as threats to be avoided or overcome, individuals can approach them with a sense of equanimity and resilience. Instead of succumbing to fear or anxiety in the face of challenges, one can choose to see them as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. By embracing adversity as an integral part of life’s journey, individuals can cultivate the strength and fortitude necessary to navigate difficult times with grace and composure.

Gratitude for All Experiences: Fear often stems from a sense of insecurity or dissatisfaction with one’s circumstances. “Amor fati” cultivates gratitude for all experiences, both positive and negative, recognizing that each contributes to the richness and depth of life. By embracing fate with gratitude and appreciation, individuals can mitigate the fear of the unknown and find peace and contentment in the present moment.

This idea is what helps form a “baseline” for my way of thinking and perceiving fear, which is what many people, fictional characters included, tend to mix up.

You don’t need to adopt the same mantra, of course, but I believe that having this Ground 0 in your own personal philosophy will add further depth and characterization in writing. It provides a deeper perspective on why your characters think the same or why they may deviate.

Distinction Between Events and Perceptions

Let’s go back to what Epictetus said: “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.” Stoicism teaches that events themselves are neutral; it is our interpretation of those events that shapes our emotional responses. This concept is often referred to as “cognitive appraisal” or “judgment” in Stoic philosophy.

In practical terms, this means that two individuals may encounter the same external circumstance, yet react to it in vastly different ways based on their subjective interpretations. For example, consider a person who loses their job unexpectedly. While one individual may perceive this event as a devastating blow to their self-worth and security, another may view it as an opportunity for growth and new possibilities. The event itself—the loss of a job—remains the same, but the emotional response varies depending on the individual's perception of the situation.

Epictetus’s insight invites us to reflect on the role of our perceptions in shaping our emotional experiences. It suggests that our judgments, beliefs, and attitudes about the events we encounter play a crucial role in determining how we feel and behave in response to those events. By recognizing this distinction between events and perceptions, individuals can gain greater agency over their emotional lives.

Moreover, understanding this distinction empowers individuals to practice what Epictetus called the “dichotomy of control”—the Stoic principle of focusing only on what is within our power to control, namely our thoughts, attitudes, and responses, rather than becoming consumed by external circumstances beyond our control. By directing our attention inward and cultivating a mindset of resilience and rationality, we can navigate life's challenges with greater equanimity and inner peace.

Applying this to character development, particularly in relation to crafting a character’s fears, can add depth and complexity to the character.

Understanding the Character’s Perception of Fearful Events:

Explore how the character interprets and perceives the events or situations that evoke fear. What underlying beliefs, past experiences, or personal values shape their perception of these events?

Consider whether the character’s fear is rooted in the objective reality of the situation or in their subjective interpretation of it. For example, is their fear based on genuine physical danger, or is it driven by irrational beliefs or past traumas?

Revealing Character Traits and Beliefs:

A character’s response to fear can provide insight into their personality, values, and beliefs. For instance, do they confront their fears head-on with courage and resilience, or do they succumb to anxiety and avoidance?

Consider how the character’s fear reflects broader themes or conflicts in the story. For example, does their fear stem from a desire for control, a fear of vulnerability, or a struggle with existential questions?

External Manifestations of Fear:

Consider how the character’s perception of fear manifests in their actions, behaviors, and interactions with others. Do they exhibit outward signs of fear, such as trembling or avoidance, or do they mask their fears behind a facade of bravado?

Pay attention to how the character’s response to fear influences their relationships with other characters. For example, do they push others away in an attempt to protect themselves, or do they seek support and connection during times of fear and uncertainty?

Symbolism and Subtext:

Use the character’s fears as a vehicle for exploring deeper themes and subtext within the story. What do their fears symbolize in terms of larger narrative themes or character arcs?

Consider how the character’s perception of fear parallels or contrasts with other characters in the story, providing opportunities for reflection and exploration of different perspectives.

“Personal Truths” Are Not Necessarily Lawful

No matter how much a character is afraid of something, there is a line to be drawn on how valid that fear is when justifying a character’s actions and self-proclaimed motives. A person can say that they are afraid of someone else and that they are acting to protect others, but does that truly evade them from the law? In other words, a Villain can be completely convinced that what they are doing is noble and right, or that it stems from their own trauma, but, at the end of the day, they’re a murderous liar.

For example, in George Orwell's allegorical novel Animal Farm, Napoleon is a Berkshire boar who emerges as one of the leaders of the animal revolution against the human farmer, Mr. Jones. Initially, Napoleon is portrayed as a strategic thinker and persuasive speaker, working alongside Snowball, another pig, to rally the other animals and establish the principles of Animalism, which advocate for equality and freedom from human oppression.

As the story progresses, Napoleon’s character undergoes a transformation fueled by his ambitions for power and control.

Napoleon’s fear of losing control over the farm drives many of his actions. He becomes increasingly paranoid about potential threats to his authority, particularly from Snowball, whom he views as a rival. This fear prompts him to manipulate and eliminate anyone who opposes him, including orchestrating the expulsion of Snowball from the farm and later falsely accusing him of being a traitor.

He also utilizes propaganda and manipulation to maintain his grip on power. He gradually assumes control over the farm’s decision-making processes, consolidating power in his own hands and using fear tactics to suppress dissent among the other animals. For example, he employs the threat of the mysterious “Jones” returning to instill fear and obedience among the animals.

Napoleon’s lust for power leads him to betray the principles of Animalism that he once espoused. He progressively becomes more authoritarian and exploitative, engaging in corrupt practices such as trading with humans and altering the Seven Commandments to justify his actions. Despite initially advocating for equality, Napoleon begins to live a life of luxury while the other animals toil and suffer.

As his regime becomes more entrenched, he resorts to violence and oppression to maintain control. He establishes a reign of terror, using his loyal enforcers, the ferocious dogs he raised since they were puppies, to suppress dissent and punish any animal perceived as disloyal. Under his rule, the farm descends into a state of fear and tyranny, with Napoleon ruling with an iron fist.

Napoleon’s character serves as a symbol of totalitarianism and the corrupting influence of power. His transformation from a revolutionary leader to a despotic dictator mirrors the rise of real-life totalitarian rulers who exploit fear and propaganda to consolidate power and suppress dissent. There is not one moment of self-reflection, of him questioning that, perhaps, his fears are unfounded or his “personal truths” are not true at all.

Playing With Reality

Now, how can you utilize fear in order to create a character with as much depth and reflection (or lack thereof) like Napoleon?

Exaggerating a character’s fear involves manipulating elements of reality within the narrative to heighten the character’s sense of paranoia, insecurity, and authoritarianism.

Distorted Perceptions: Employ literary devices such as unreliable narration or distorted perspectives to amplify the character’s fears. By presenting events through the lens of the character’s paranoia, the narrative can create a sense of heightened tension and uncertainty. For example, descriptions of seemingly innocuous occurrences may be exaggerated or imbued with sinister undertones to reflect the character’s heightened state of fear.

Symbolism and Imagery: Symbolic imagery can be used to represent the character’s fears in a heightened and exaggerated manner. For instance, recurring symbols of oppression, surveillance, or impending doom can serve as visual metaphors for the character’s anxieties and insecurities. These symbols can be woven throughout the narrative to reinforce the character’s sense of paranoia and isolation.

Surreal Elements: Introducing surreal or fantastical elements into the narrative can create a sense of disorientation and unease, effectively amplifying the character's fear. By blurring the boundaries between reality and fantasy, the author can evoke a sense of psychological instability and existential dread. Surreal imagery, dream sequences, or hallucinatory experiences can all contribute to the character’s sense of dislocation and terror.

Manipulation of Time and Space: Playing with the conventions of time and space can further exaggerate the character’s fear and disorientation. Flashbacks, flash-forwards, or nonlinear storytelling techniques can create a sense of temporal dislocation, mirroring the character’s fractured mental state. Similarly, disorienting shifts in perspective or setting can contribute to the character's sense of being trapped or pursued by unseen forces.

Atmospheric Detailing: Careful attention to atmospheric detail can help to create a sense of oppressive dread and foreboding. Descriptions of the environment—such as gloomy weather, claustrophobic settings, or unsettling ambient sounds—can evoke a palpable sense of unease, intensifying the character's fear and paranoia.

Character Interaction and Dialogue: Dialogue and interaction with other characters can be used to reinforce the character’s fears and insecurities. Conversations may be laced with veiled threats, double entendres, or gaslighting tactics, leaving the character uncertain of whom to trust. Manipulative or menacing exchanges can heighten the character's sense of isolation and vulnerability.

Did anyone else get a little uneasy imagining all of that? I’d go rather mad if I had all of that happening to me, too. Now, what about the good guys? They are afraid of things, too, right?

Of course they are, and you can utilize the above methods for your heroes, as well! There might just be a little bit of extra work involved in ensuring that they don’t spiral into the villain role.

Establish Strong Moral Compass: From the outset, establish the hero’s core values and moral compass. Make it clear what principles guide their actions and decisions. This foundation will serve as a guiding light, helping to anchor the character and prevent them from straying into villainous territory.

Empathy and Compassion: Ensure that the hero retains their empathy and compassion towards others, even in the face of fear and adversity. By prioritizing the well-being of others and demonstrating empathy towards those in need, the hero reaffirms their commitment to noble ideals and reinforces their heroic identity.

Positive Support Systems: Surround the hero with positive support systems, including allies, mentors, and friends who can offer guidance, encouragement, and moral support. These relationships serve as anchors, providing the hero with strength and stability during moments of doubt and fear.

Consequences of Actions: Highlight the consequences of the hero’s actions and choices, emphasizing the impact they have on others and the world around them. By holding the hero accountable for their decisions and their effects, the narrative reinforces the importance of ethical behavior and reinforces their heroic identity.

Redemption and Forgiveness: If the hero does succumb to fear or makes mistakes along the way, provide opportunities for redemption and forgiveness. Allow the hero to acknowledge their faults, learn from their experiences, and strive to make amends. This narrative arc reinforces the hero’s humanity and resilience, emphasizing the possibility of growth and redemption.

Thematic Resonance: Ensure that the hero’s journey is thematically consistent and resonant, emphasizing themes of hope, courage, and resilience. By grounding the narrative in these overarching themes, the hero’s actions remain aligned with their fundamental nature, reinforcing their heroic identity and preventing them from veering into villainous territory.

Conclusion

Fear is a powerful and universal human experience that can shape both individuals and characters in profound ways. Drawing upon Stoic philosophy, particularly the concepts of “amor fati” and the distinction between events and perceptions, can provide valuable insights into understanding and managing fear. By exploring how characters perceive and respond to fear, writers can create nuanced and compelling portrayals that add depth and complexity to their stories.

“Amor fati,” or love of fate, encourages individuals to embrace and accept all aspects of their lives, including the uncertainties and challenges that provoke fear. By adopting an attitude of gratitude and acceptance towards fate, characters can navigate fear with resilience and courage, transforming adversity into opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

Furthermore, understanding the distinction between events and perceptions allows writers to delve into the subjective nature of fear, exploring how characters’ interpretations and judgments shape their emotional experiences. By depicting characters’ fears as rooted in their perceptions of reality, writers can add layers of complexity to their motivations and behaviors, enhancing the depth and authenticity of their characterization.

While fear can drive characters to make choices that lead them down dark paths, it is ultimately their moral compass, empathy, and support systems that determine whether they remain heroes or succumb to villainy. By emphasizing themes of redemption, forgiveness, and growth, writers can ensure that even in the face of fear, their characters' journeys ultimately lead to strength, resilience, and self-discovery.