#so i’m trying to give them space and privacy like i would an introvert friend but they see this as me acting ‘too good for them’ or smthg

[syn0vial]

the whole “treat others how you want to be treated” line sounds so easy, but i am finding things immensely complicated by the fact that, in truth, there are many people who do NOT want to be treated the way i want to be treated and will take offense if i try

[im-whatchamccallit]

New Normal//Mark Tuan (Got7)

Request: Could you write a Mark Tuan Scenario where he starts crushing on the shy short cute girl that works at his local grocery store? I hope this makes sense and I hope you are staying safe and healthy!

Pairing: Idol!Mark Tuan x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Mentions of Covid-19

Words: 4.5k

(A/N: This is kinda all over the place so sorry about that (Also running on 0 hours of sleep for the past two days so the editing is a little sloppy). And I feel like I didn’t really execute the concept too well but this was just one of the plots I came up with that honestly stuck with me

Mark put on the fakest genuine smile he could as the two girls snapped photos, quickly pulling his mask back on as they checked to make sure the pictures came out perfectly. He was prepared to walk away as they said their thanks, bowing politely and even inching further from the area, only to stop with wide eyes.

“Wait, Mark, do you live in this neighborhood? We live just a few blocks away, I can’t believe we haven’t seen you bef-“

“N-no! No, I’m not from the area, I just had to find a fully stocked grocery store is all. Everyone’s been going crazy since the outbreak so-“

“Right!” The girls spoke simultaneously, still not moving away as they discussed how people have been handling Covid-19 so far, Mark staring intently and nodding as if he were listening but, really, he was using all his willpower to not roll his eyes in annoyance.

Mark didn’t hate his fans, he adored them more than anything, but the idea that even during a pandemic they would bother him for photos and autographs, even in a busy and buzzing grocery store, was irritating. He didn’t even want to leave his home that day, but the fact he was running low on toiletries and needed more perishables made the trip essential. But after standing in this one spot for the past ten minutes with a shopping cart filled with food, tissue, and body wash, and two girls that seemed to be in their own world as their topic jumped from Covid to Loona fancams, he was determined to make this his last trip for at least a month.

“But did you see Yves?! She’s so pretty and-“

“Excuse me, I’m going to have to ask you to move from the area and maintain a distance of 2 meters between all of you.” A man said with a cheery voice and smile that could be seen through his mask although it reached his eyes as well.

“Oh! Sorry! Thank you for the photos!” One of them said, dragging her friend along as Mark let out a sigh of relief, the man stepping slightly closer to him but not enough to invade his space.

“You don’t have to leave the area. One of our cashiers said those girls wouldn’t leave you alone and assumed you needed help. Sorry to disturb you.” He said, preparing to walk off before Mark hurried to tap his shoulder.

“Wait, which cashier?” He asked. He was tired of human contact at this point, but really thought they deserved a proper thanking.

“Oh, right there. Her name’s (Y/n).” He said, giving one more smile before finally walking off.

It seems like you had been watching the scene unfold for a while, gaze intense and focused on the male ahead of you and, even as you watched your manager point in your direction, causing him to lock eyes with you, you couldn’t bring yourself to look away. Well, not until you saw him walk in your direction with his cart ahead of him.

You didn’t mean to stare at him, it was natural for your eyes to wander to people entering the store, but to see someone this attractive? It felt like you spotted a unicorn. You would glance up occasionally to see if he’d pass by again, watching him going back and forth in the aisles as if he’d been there forever, yet you’ve never seen him before. Maybe it’s because you were working full-time now that you didn’t have to travel so far out to school, or maybe he was just new to the area. You wanted to ask, but how could you just approach someone like him? He was cool and you were…Well, you. He’d probably walk past you like you were some nobody. But once you saw him stop to speak with two girls, you knew you most likely had a chance, but you couldn’t just interrupt their conversation to start your own. So, you waited. And waited. And waited, until so much time had passed you managed to check out three customers with enough groceries per person to feed five villages, but you couldn’t shake off how expressive his eyes were. He was miserable, obviously not in the mood to stand around and chat all day, and if you weren’t going to start a conversation, you could at least help him go back to shopping and getting back home instead of lingering in the virus hotspot you called work. You thought all would be well and done once you alerted your manager, but you didn’t expect the very man you were creeping on to approach you.

You were freaking out, trying to look busy in hopes he’d go away but the sound of his cart only grew louder, a pathetic whine leaving your mouth once you looked back up, putting on the bright smile you typically did as you greeted him, not wanting to seem even more ridiculous than you did.

“H-hello, sir, are you ready to check out?”

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Mark said, clearing his throat as he began unloading his cart, eyes trained on you although your head was low, gaze focused on the items slowly approaching you on the conveyor belt.

He couldn’t see your face but he knew you were cute, your voice evidence enough of that. You were working fast but just slow enough for him to notice small quirks about you. You mumbled under your breath about how ridiculously priced a bag of rice was, making some joke about how it was probably the cure to every disease since it was so expensive. You weren’t talking to him but he could tell you had a sarcastic nature to you, your jokes making him stifle chuckles to save you from being anymore nervous around him. He didn’t like the awkwardness though, the way you avoid his eyes to continue scanning the candy he threw onto the belt in an attempt to stay in your line for as long as possible without speaking not what he had planned when approaching you. He was naturally timid, but the way you were watching him proved you knew who he was, so he didn’t have to be himself. Right now, he just had to think of you as one of the fangirls you saved him from, and his idol persona could ease the situation immediately.

“I just wanted to thank you for your help. I don’t think I would’ve gotten out of here if you weren’t watching.”

Your eyes snapped up to see his face, a blush creeping onto your own as you tried to find some excuse as to why you were staring before, nothing coming to mind except maybe just being honest, but is telling him you only noticed his distress because he was so gorgeous the right way to go? No, you had to be cool about this, maybe it’ll keep you from turning into a tomato, especially with the way his eyes went from doughy and sweet to sharp and flirtatious.

“W-well, I figured you just wanted to hurry out of here, y’know? No one wants to be out during a pandemic, right?” You giggled and Mark could’ve sworn he was having a heart attack.

He swallowed thickly, eyes scanning your entire being as you finally bagged the final item, pressing total and reading it back to him, your eye smile all he could see. He figured you knew who he was once he took of his mask earlier, but it seemed like you were completely oblivious. He didn’t want another encounter like before but, knowing he could simply pay and leave at this point was comforting, so giving a quick thanks to a potential fan that saved him wasn’t too big of a deal.

“You probably don’t have idols come by a lot, do you?” He asked, watching to see your reaction, only to find your eyes glancing to the side and brows furrow in confusion, deep in thought before gasping out loud.

“Well, not idols, but Son Heung-Min stopped by once and took photos with some of us! He was a lot nicer than he looks!” You joked, Mark nodding in both understanding and confusion.

So you were more of a sports girl? You certainly didn’t look that way. Even from behind the register, he could tell he towered above you by a good 6 or 7 inches, your introverted personality made it hard to believe you’d work well in a team, and you seemed just a bit too young to care more about sports than idol groups. Not that it was anything rare, but almost every girl in your age group knew one or more kpop group, but you managed to name a soccer player that plays six months out of a year instead of a single idol that had promotions almost year round. You treated him as if he wasn’t famous, like any other customer. And he loved it. He didn’t feel the need to repay you by making your heart flutter at the mere presence of his celebrity status, but rather as a human would another human.

Before he could think of such a way to do so, he found himself in your debt once more, your hands filled with ten bags of various items he purchased, placing them neatly into his cart before sighing in relief, giving another smile to him.

“I’m guessing we won’t see you here for a while.” You joked, his lips unable to curve upward in amusement at the statement, knowing he really had no reason to return any time soon, but his curiosity made it impossible for him to accept that.

You were strange to him. Other idols treated him like a celebrity even when they were at the same height of fame, fans treated him like some god, but you? You were instructing him to use the pin pad to complete his transaction like you did any other person to walk through your line. Maybe you didn’t care that he was an idol, maybe you just didn’t know, but to think you were someone he didn’t have to fear when leaving his home, someone he didn’t have to hide from in case they wanted to invade his privacy and risk his health. Ironically, you were the breath of fresh air he couldn’t seem to get in the outside world.

“Yeah, I guess I won’t be seeing you for a while.” He commented, watching you bow politely before diverting your attention to an elderly man slowly unloading his basket, Mark’s body reluctantly heading to the exit as he tried not to stare at you any longer. It really would be a while before he saw you again.

But a while for Mark was only three days. He made the excuse that he forgot to buy kimchi to come back, scanning the store until he spotted you pushing a shopping cart filled with cans, scanning the shelves before grabbing a few to place them into empty slots. He was hoping he could talk to you personally at your register again, but he figured this would do for now.

You didn’t sense him as you hummed an unfamiliar tune, hands busy tidying the two rows of canned corn before moving on to the canned bread, a grimace on your face at the idea of bread in a tin can.

“That sounds gross.” You nearly screamed as Mark’s voice echoed behind you, your body turning to face him as you shrank under his gaze. It wasn’t scary, just very intense despite his eyes being so soft and inviting.

“Oh. How are you today, sir?” You asked, bowing politely as you smiled brightly at him, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip as he tried to keep his face from going bright red, silently praying this interaction goes the way he fantasized in his head the past few days.

“’sir’? I’m surprised my hero doesn’t remember me.” He wanted to hide at how stupid that sounded, suddenly rethinking his entire plan of even showing up here, but the way your eyes grew in size while scanning the floor around you, picking apart your memories to decipher what he meant and who he was, slightly put him at ease once more.

“I-I don’t kno-“

“It’s me.” Mark chuckled, pulling his mask down just enough to give you a warm smile before covering his face once more, a relieved giggle leaving you as you realized it was only him.

“You really had me worried. I didn’t think you’d be back so soon.” You admitted, turning back and continuing to placing the cans on the shelves behind you, not wanting to slow down on your work.

Mark was anxious, not wanting to lose your attention but not wanting to seem desperate. You were most likely going ask how was his day then move on without another thought, but he didn’t come all the way back here just to have a two minute conversation with you. But that’s really all he needed, just a bit of normalcy in the now upside down world.

“Yeah, I just needed some kimchi. Didn’t realize I was running low.” He chuckled, growing worried as you remained silent, only to see you jumping pathetically to place a can of mackerel onto a higher shelf, your free hand grasping the shelf below it to hoist yourself up, a gasp leaving you as you stumbled backwards, Mark placing his jar onto the floor and catching you by your waist to hold you steady.

Your eyes were wide, flickering up to him as he set you back onto the ground, grabbing the can from you and placing it into its spot.

“How about I help you? I don’t want you to get hurt.” He said, your cheeks burning as your body felt like it was shrinking in on itself, trying to escape the tingles his invisible handprints left on you, your head low as you nodded with a meek ‘thank you’.

You stood at his side as he placed cans onto higher shelves, you working on the lower ones to keep him from feeling like an unpaid worker. It was a bit too quiet for your liking, your eyes glancing at him every once in a while to take in his appearance, hoping you could find something to talk about. He was only wearing black joggers and a white t-shirt, his hair a honey brown shade, the only thing that stood out was the beauty hiding beneath his mask, but you couldn’t start a conversation like that! It’d be too weird! You had to stop overthinking, the answer right in front of you as you noticed the jar of kimchi waiting idly by as he focused on making each row straight.

“Are you sure one jar of kimchi’s gonna be enough for you? I usually finish an entire jar with one meal.” You said, partially lying considering you could finish half a jar before feeling full.

“Uh, yeah, I don’t really eat it all that often but I was craving it today.”

“Oh.”

More silence. You didn’t bother to speak again, feeling as if he didn’t want to talk to you anymore. Maybe it’s because you’re making him do your work, or you’re just boring, that last idea causing you to feel a little embarrassed seeing as he happily came to you with the intentions of talking, only for you to have nothing to say. You wanted to just crawl back to your tiny register and hide at that point.

“You must work a lot.” He commented, your eyes snapping up as his words, body jolting when you realize he had his eyes locked on you.

“I would’ve figured you’d have a few days off since I last saw you, just so you aren’t too overwhelmed.” He added, a dry laugh leaving you as you returned to your work, crouching down to straighten the bowls of instant ramen that were suddenly mixed up and unorganized.

“Well, I could took some days off but if I don’t work, this place would be in chaos with everyone trying to stock up before this virus gets worse. Plus, it keeps me from being bored at home every day.” You admitted, not thinking the conversation would take such an upsetting turn, your mood a bit down as you finally felt weeks’ worth of exhaustion hit you, your words flowing out precariously as he listened carefully.

“I’m honestly really socially awkward, but I value human connection, so I try to stay positive and pretend nothing’s changed but, it’s like I’m always having one-sided conversations with customers. No one has time to talk when they’re busy trying to stay healthy, so I can’t really blame them. But, I was really happy when you talked to me, I finally had an actual conversation again. Talking to you makes it feel like nothing’s changed.” You giggled, finally facing the man above you.

Mark’s eyes were hard with a strange mixture of sadness and understanding. He had his groupmates to talk to, his family and friends as well, but facetime conversations were nothing like being there and present. It was comforting knowing you felt somewhat normal when talking with him, the same way he felt just by seeing you, but it pained him knowing that he could show up any day and you wouldn’t be here, cooped up in your home with nothing but your thoughts, or him staying home while you assisted customers that only acknowledged you when they were ready to pay and leave. He didn’t know why you made him feel this way, not acting on pity but a protective instinct that seemed to gnaw at his very being with every second that passed. You were his new normal as he was yours, and he wanted you to know that.

“You know, I only really came here to see you.” He admitted, slowly lowering himself until he was crouching at your level, your eyes locked on one another’s as he tried find the right words.

“When I met you, I thought you were so weird, but it makes me want to see you even more. And I hope you’re fine with seeing me too.”

“S-seeing you?” Your voice was small, the way you swallowed as you anticipated his next words was visible as he gave you a final glance before fishing his phone from his back pocket, pressing the ‘Create New Contact’ option and handing it to you, your eyes going between the device and his hidden but noticeably kind face.

“Whenever you’re working, let me know so I can at least stop by to keep you company, even if it’s for a few minutes. And, on your days off, we can talk as much as you want, m-maybe go out to any place that’s open.” He didn’t want that last part to sound like a confession, it was way too soon for that, but he was silently praying you took it that way.

It took a second to comprehend the situation, a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of you as you slowly took his phone, typing away at both letters and numbers before pressing ‘Done’ at the upper corner. Mark allowed you to slip the phone back into his hand, a smile on his lips at the random string of numbers followed by a name he couldn’t stop thinking about since he met you. He hurriedly sent you a text before placing his phone back into his pocket, holding his hands out once more for you to take as you both slowly stood.

“I should probably get back to work. The cool manager isn’t here today.” You joked, hand cupping his as a silent plea for him to stay, but you knew he couldn’t, that’s what his number was for, right?

“You can always reach me if you need someone to talk to. But, I don’t think I’ll be back for a few days.” He said with a sad tone, your head nodding understandingly although your disappointment was evident.

“Don’t overwork yourself, okay?” He released one of your hands to ruffle your hair, your body shrinking under his touch as you giggled unconsciously.

The air around you seemed thick as you watched him collect his jar of kimchi and head down the aisle and away from you. It felt like an empty promise the way he said he’d be there for you, but you knew you couldn’t keep him there forever. It wasn’t fair.

You sighed, returning to the now empty cart to take it back outside for customers to use, but not before checking your phone. It was always on silent because they weren’t allowed to use it during work, but you never knew what kind of emergency could arise during your shifts. You took a quick peak, expecting nothing important before seeing an unsaved number had texted you, your finger quickly opening it and, at that moment, you couldn’t be happier about the sly lie you were just told.

‘I’ll stop by before the store closes :) -Mark’

Ever since then, Mark kept his word. He was always in the store whenever you told him you’d be working, he would pick you up from work and go to any available restaurant to make sure you’ve eaten, and he always text or called you on your days off to either invite you to hang out or just pass the time in your own homes, separate but together. You were two weeks into the new arrangement and haven’t felt more alive, mainly because the nervousness you felt in the presence of someone so handsome turned into a full blown crush, every interaction sending you into a fit of blushes and giggles. You both were shy but grew to be playful and a lot more flirtatious, Mark’s confidence with every pick-up line causing your once bold behavior to fade into the bashful one he experienced upon your first meeting.

He thought you were cute, he said it all the time. You thought he was cute, you admitted it just a few nights ago once you gathered to courage to explain how you ended up “saving him”. He was smart, kind, always sharing funny stories about his old “roommates” that you couldn’t get enough of. He would sing songs softly as they played from the speakers in his car, his voice soft and angelic just like the smile he adorned, everything about him screaming perfection. You never wanted someone more than you wanted him and, tonight, as you finally settled into the passenger seat of his car after an eight hour shift, his free hand in yours as he steered out of the parking lot, you know he felt the same.

“You’re a lot touchier lately.” You joked, your free hand playing with his fingers as his eyes flickered between you and the road.

“What? You don’t like it?” His lips curled into a smirk, your heart stuttering in your chest.

“It’s not that. I just didn’t think you’d be into awkward cashiers.”

“And how do you know I’m into you?” Luckily there was a red light so that Mark could give you his undivided attention, a wave of contentment washing over him as you looked away, still flustered by his simple acts.

“I don’t know. I guess the same way I knew you were a k-pop idol.”

“So you knew?” He chuckled, giving a quick glance to the light that had yet changed.

“You were really obvious about it. You asked me about it when we first met, you sing like an angel, plus you kept saying ‘your friend BamBam’ and, knowing he’s already pretty famous just for being hilarious, it wasn’t hard to find a simple picture of you two with the rest of your group.” You said smugly, almost as if you decoded a million piece puzzle that no one else dared to touch.

“I’d honestly spend hours daydreaming you weren’t an idol, just because the thought of dating a regular person is easier. But you’ll always be an idol, and daydreaming about dating an idol is no different than actually dating one; you’d never have time together so it’d never really work.” It was such a strange confession, almost as if you were pushing him away but begging to be by his side. Your eyes were low, voice filled with sadness at the realization this was all unreal and all fairytales had to come to an end, but Mark didn’t think it had to.

He didn’t expect to be here with you, not this soon or this fast, but the last few weeks felt like months to him. You were his biggest weakness now, a constant fear that his desire to be with you would cause a slip up. Maybe a tabloid will discover your yet-to-be relationship and expose who you are, maybe some fans will catch on he lives in the area with how often he visits you at work. He was scared by how reckless he was being, yet he didn’t care. For every reckless act he was met with a bright eye smile, a warm hug only for you to scream ‘2 meters apart!’ and launch yourself away from him, and the sound of your giggles. You were the best risk he’s ever taken and he’d be damned if he’d give you up after jumping through so many hoops to get to this moment

You looked at your joined hands, his fingers weaving between yours until they were firmly intertwined, your eyes slowly ascending to his face that held no amusement or playfulness, just sincerity and a sternness that demanded you take in his every word.

“(Y/n/n), I could be a million miles away or right next to you every day and night, and I’d always have time for you. And if I don’t, I’d find a way. I promised you that.” You felt like you could faint with the way his eyes bore into yours, or that you could melt with the way his voice was so gentle yet firm, but you damn near died with the way his face slowly inched closer to yours, heart hammering against your ribcage as you silently applauded yourself for taking off your mask earlier so that nothing would slow him down.

Your eyes fluttered close, waiting for the impact of his lips on yours when a sudden honk brought you back to reality, Mark’s body withdrawing from yours reluctantly before facing forward once more, the green light causing him to immediately step on the gas, both of you hot faced but at ease. Mark might not have gotten his kiss, but he got the confirmation he needed that he wasn’t crazy for feeling the way he did, that it wasn’t a one-side attraction. The weight on his shoulders finally gone as he was free to enjoy the night with no awkwardness, no tension, just you. It truly felt like he could breathe freely again.

[kpopfanfictrash]

hi Shanna!! as a consistent content creator, how do you motivate yourself to keep writing fics? are you ever nervous about posting a new story/idea/outline? do you ever think like ‘ah this is overdone so i just shouldn’t’? (i have a mean inner voice i admit)

i’m playing around with the idea of creating more of an online presence but it’s so nerve-wracking! and the motivation to do it consistently is really hard too. i’m also really nervous about the privacy aspect of it all. ik you don’t post a lot about your personal life, but how do you know where to draw the line? do you have any advice for someone who wants to be seen but is afraid of opening up? :’)

Hello, anon! I'm going to do my best to answer all your questions, so bear with me -- breaking them all down below the cut :)

1. How do I motivate myself to keep writing fics?

I think this has changed over the course of my blog's journey. When I first started writing and didn't have many followers (it took me about nine months - 1 year to reach 5K), I kept myself motivated by taking requests, utilizing writing prompts and joining networks to participate in network events. Honestly, the best advice I can give a new blog is: post frequently and on a clear schedule. At the start of my blog, I posted every four days (smaller chapters than what I write now), and gradually grew my base. Now though, my motivation tends to come from taking on new challenges and trying to better my content. I want to continue improving and providing fun material for readers, so that's usually what motivates me as I plan a new fic. Positive responses and interactions from readers are also key.

2. Am I ever nervous about positing a new story/idea/outline?

Yes. Always LOL. It never gets easier, to be honest. In my experience, my worries about writing have changed, but not disappeared. I tend to write a broad array of genres and styles, so it's always a risk that the new thing I write won't resonate with my readers. When I first began posting, my main worry was that no one would read. Now, it's that people will read, and they'll hate it. LOL I've just kind of reconciled myself to this fact.

3. Do I ever think "ah this is overdone, so I just shouldn't'?

Mmm I have had this thought, but it usually isn't one of my main worries. Honestly, you can break down pretty much any story into predictable pieces. That doesn't mean you shouldn't write it. No one has ever written that trope, or that AU with your voice before, and that's what you have to keep reminding yourself.

4. How do I draw the line with my personal life?

OOF. This is something which took me awhile to figure out. I used to be much more open on my blog, but I've gradually had to create some hard limits. To be blunt, I now view this blog as a place where I post fanfiction, and not my personal space. I occasionally share personal info (books I read, photos of my dog, responding to things friends tag me in), but for the most part, I only share what's relevant to my writing. Limits on your blog should be whatever's comfortable for you. I know other blogs are comfortable being viewed as a personality/writer, but that's not really something which appeals to me. Of course, I'm glad when people like me (duh, I'm human), but I prefer to keep my personal life separate. I don't talk about my job, employer, location, background, or people in my real life who don't have a Tumblr. I think the best way to figure these limits out for yourself is by trial and error! Based on your questions, if sounds as though you may benefit from harder lines, but then again, you might find you enjoy interacting on a more personal level. My best advice is to go slow and pull back if you need it. You are only one person and you can't do it all. Prioritize what's most important to you, and cut out the rest.

5. Am I ever scared of being misunderstood or misinterpreted in my online presence? If so, how do I deal with that?

Absolutely. I deal with this by keeping my personal life separate as much as possible. Even this can backfire though, since I've heard people call me absent or aloof. Ultimately, you can't please everyone. You're going to eventually do or say something which will be taken the wrong way, or someone won't agree with, and that's okay. We're all human and we all make mistakes. All you can do is try to keep a level head, examine the issue raised and decide for yourself if it's something you need to change. Be as kind as possible to other people, but don't forget to stand up for yourself. Ultimately, everything online should be taken with a grain of salt; your readers can't really know you based on a few posts. Sharing anything with the public always comes with risk, but it's a brave thing to do and can bring great rewards. Most people on this site are lovely, kind and supportive. Your interactions with these people will far outweigh the negative.

6. Advice for someone who wants to be seen, but is afraid of opening up.

I hope some of what I shared above was helpful! I'm right there with you, anon. I'm an introvert who gets overwhelmed by a lot of social interaction, but I do love sharing my writing with people. It took me almost six months after creating my blog to post my first fic, but sometimes you just need to do it. Being scared is normal, but if you don't take risks, you'll never reach the reward. Whether that's sharing your writing, or making new friends, or whatever you seek to gain from your online presence -- sometimes you just have to do it! Best of luck in your journey, babe :)

[stellar-imagines]

SCENARIO REQUEST: ❝don't be embarrassed.❞

[ Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia ] [ Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Bakugou Katsuki, Amajiki Tamaki ]

「Scenario of  Midoriya, Bakugou and Tamaki where their S/O is touch starved so she constantly tries to hug them or hold their hands but they panic and yanks their hand or told her to stop because it's embarrassing since they started dating not long ago and she "gets the message" and stops trying to touch them at all because she doesn't want to bother them. 」

MIDORIYA IZUKU

Its been only two weeks since you both started dating. You and Midoriya were what people call the ideal couple. You were always looked after one another and knew each other like the back of your hands. During the two weeks you dated, you have been quite you touchy. When you both walked back to and from the dorms, you would always link arms with him or hold his hand. The viridian haired boy is one nervous wreck, he never thought that he’d be able to date someone as amazing as you.

He’s trying his best, really. But he gets flustered whenever you initiate anything. Something as simple as holding hands got him flustered. It’s not because he dislikes PDA or anything, even behind closed doors, he gets super nervous. You were a touch starved person and you never shied away from showing affection. Whenever you see the chance, you would shower him with affection. He doesn’t hate it but he just gets very, very nervous when it comes to you. Midoriya loves you a lot but gives him some time to get used to PDA and all that.

Today was another tiring day at UA, you were looking forward to studying with your boyfriend. He was one of the smart students in class and he’s very patient with you when teaching. Not to mention, you get to spend time with your favorite person. As soon as class ended, Midoriya came to your table and the two of you headed back to the dorms together. You reach out to hold his hand only for him to panic and pull his hand away from yours. His cheeks were red, eyes darting to side to avoid his gaze. 

"Stop it, it's embarrassing.....We just started dating recently and....." he mutters. You thought about it and realized that you've been quite pushy and forcing him to follow you. Midoriya avoids your gaze, afraid that he might've upset you somehow.

"Ah, sorry. I'll stop. I must be bothering you." you beamed instead. You loved Midoriya and if he's not comfortable with it, you'll hold back for his sake. Retracting your hand back, you settled with just walking next to him and began to talk about something completely random to not make it awkward.

After that, you stopped trying to touch him. He was sure that you were upset. You stopped reaching out to hold his hands or even give him a hug. Even when the two of you were alone, you didn't try to initiate anything. He knew that he was a shy person and strays away from PDA but he doesn't really mind it when you do it in the privacy of either of your rooms. But now, you stopped completely and he has no idea what he was supposed to do. Does he man up and initiate himself or wait for you? Then again, he was the one telling you to stop.

Today, you both were in your room, watching a movie that Uraraka had recommended. You were seated next to each other with a small gap between the two of you. He saw you fiddling with your fingers, looking a bit restless as your leg bounced. At this point, Midoriya wasn't even paying attention to the movie anymore. Instead, all he could think about was how much he wanted to hold your hand. When was the last time he held it? It felt like weeks, he missed your touch so much. He shouldn't have told you to stop. It wasn't embarrassing at all, it made him feel loved.

"Izuku? What's wrong?" you asked.

Before he knew it, he was holding your hand. You could see that his face was burning bright red but he squeezed your hand and doesn't seem like he wanted to let go.

"S-Sorry. For telling you to stop holding my hand, last time. I didn't mean it that way! It's just that I'm not used to affection and you're so affectionate, I don't really know how to react. I always pull away and tell you to stop it. Sorry for calling you bothersome! I don't want you to stop! I really like it when you hold my hand and hug me―"

"Woah, Izuku! Slow down." you moved closer and cupped his cheek, a worried look crossing your face. He looked like he was on the verge of crying and genuinely thought that it was his fault.

"It's nothing you should be sorry for. We should've talked with each other about this." you smiled gently at him as he rested his head on your shoulder. Midoriya relaxed and shifted closer to you.

"Can we cuddle?" he mumbles.

"Of course we can."

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

"Sorry to make you wait, Katsuki!" you linked your arm with his which caused him to jerk forward in surprise. The male let out a grumble in surprise, muttering something under his breath while you giggled in response. It was always like this with Bakugou and you've gotten used to it.

Your relationship with the explosive boy was quite odd. You were the typical, bubbly girl that everyone loved talking to while he's the angry, intimidating boy people steered away from. How you got together was really a mystery. Bakugou prefers to be left alone, despite his objections, he often ends up letting you hang around with him. You were quite persistent and it took quite a long time for him to admit that you two were friends. You had been the first

It's been only a week since you both started dating and nothing much has changed between the two of you. Bakugou always seems to avoid being affectionate with you but on the other hand, you were quite touchy and affectionate. Before you both started dating, you seem to like grabbing his arm when you wanted to show him something and he usually complained about it. He would shout at you and the first few times, he would yank his arm away. Over time, he decided to just leave it be. He still yelled at you but never did anything to make you let go. So when you both started dating, you thought that he would be okay with that kind of thing.

"Stop being so embarrassing, idiot!" he yanks his hand away from you. The moment he yanks his hand away, you thought that it was bothering him after all. Frowning slightly, you moved your hands behind your back. The last thing you wanted was to be a bother to the person you love.

"Okay, then. I'll stop."

Bakugou was surprised that you showed no resistance at all. He expected you to whine and complain about it. Perhaps, you would bring up about how you're both now a couple and this kind of thing is completely normal and nothing to be embarrassed about. But you didn't. He wondered if he was too harsh with his words. You didn't seem that affected, going on about your day like usual without a care in the world. He couldn't tell whether you were upset about it or not, especially when you're really good at hiding your feelings.

After a few days, he was 100% sure that you were upset about it. The times you walked back to the dorms with him, you made sure to leave a certain amount of distance between the two of you. When your fingers brush, you would apologize and move away a bit. Bakugou knows that he had been an asshole, you really don't deserve to be yelled at just for being a bit touchy. He needs to apologize. That's why he invited you out for dinner. It was your favorite ramen place. The two of you ate and left, tummy satisfied.

"It's not like you to invite me to dinner. What's the occasion?" you asked. Bakugou kept his mouth shut, watching as you skipped in front of him while he walked behind you. He stared longingly at your hand that was swinging back and forth. Before he realized it, his own hand reached to grab yours. The two of you stopped walking and you turned to face your boyfriend.

"Sorry." he mumbled so quietly that you could barely hear him.

"Sorry, say that again? Are you okay? You're acting weird." you asked.

"I said I'm sorry!" he said louder.

"What are you sorry for? Was it because of yesterday when you―"

"Listen! I just wanted you to be less touchy.....I'm not fucking good at this yucky shit you people call affection. But it doesn't mean that you have to avoid me entirely." he grumbles out, avoiding your gaze. You let out a sigh, you didn't think that he felt guilty over that. It really wasn't a big deal. You knew that he probably just wanted some space and you misinterpreted his words, thinking that he was embarrassed when you were affectionate.

"Oh, Katsuki.....I'm not upset over it okay? I just thought that you didn't like me being affectionate in public." you grabbed hold of his hand and intertwined your fingers together. Bakugou kept his attention on his feet, refusing to meet your eyes. You gently tugged him towards you, motioning him to follow you.

"C'mon, let's go home." you smiled. Bakugou didn't do anything to make you let go of his hand. The male let you hold his hand the entire way back to the dorms without complaining nor showing signs of wanting to let go. He might be a bit embarrassed to be holding hands with you but he never voiced out that he hated it. In fact, he likes how your hand fits perfectly with his and how happy you look as you swung your intertwined hands back and forth.

AMAJIKI TAMAKI 

The two of you were complete opposites and it was a surprise for everyone to know that you both started dating. A lot of people wondered how since you were such a bubbly and outgoing person while he's introverted. Nonetheless, you were a good couple in everyone's eyes. You were quite affectionate both in public and private. On the other hand, Tamaki was more comfortable with affection behind closed doors. He even struggled sometimes even when it comes to private affection, getting flustered whenever your fingers blush and completely malfunctioning when you hugged him.

You were aware of Tamaki's situation and feelings towards affection and your relationship in general. He's very happy to be dating you. When it comes to showing affection in public, he'd blush profusely and tries his best to deal with it. This guy would be very nervous and shaky the entire time but he does his very best to deal with it. You often grabbed hold of his hand while you're walking side by side, sometimes going ask far as to latch yourself onto his arm. You had no problems kissing him on the cheek in public and honestly, every single time you did that, he thinks that he would faint on the spot.

"Tamaki! Whatcha spacing out for?" you linked your arm with his, earning a loud yelp from the male.

"[F-First Name]!" Tamaki's entire face was red and he was taken by surprise. The black-haired male panicked and yanks his hand away from yours. He looked away from you, avoiding your gaze. You took a moment to study his facial features but since he was looking down, you couldn't see his face.

"Stop.....! It's embarrassing." he mutters. It was expected. You both started dating a week ago and this level of affection was probably a bit too much for the introverted and meek Tamaki. You frowned, realizing that you had been forcing him to go along with you this entire time. You knew that you shouldn't have been too affectionate with him so early in the relationship. In the end, you moved your hand back to your side, thinking that it was best to give him some space and not bother him. 

"Sorry." you forced a smile. Tamaki did not miss the way your lips trembled, fully aware that you were forcing a smile. You pointed out to the restaurant you were both heading to and went ahead before he could even say anything to you. The male frowned, thinking that he had made you upset by telling you to stop. He knew that he was really shy and preferred to have dates inside his house or somewhere more private. But he can't do that all the time.

It didn't take long for him to notice that he had royally fucked up. You didn't make a single move to hold his hand nor even hug him. He was so used to you latching onto him the moment school ended, hands intertwined as two of you walked back to the dorms. Instead, you gave him a wave and walked by his side. The usual kiss on the cheek he gets as a thank you for walking you back was no more. You thanked him verbally instead of rewarding him with those small kisses. Tamaki has never felt so guilty in his entire life before. He didn't want to talk to you about it because he knows it was his fault. And he had to fix it himself. He missed your affectionate ways of showing your love to him.

Tamaki decided to invite you out during the weekends. He has never done anything like this before, usually he lets you decide where to go because he's not that confident in planning a date. You seem surprised that he took initiative and asked you out. It was a short walk to the train station and he was staring at your hand the entire time. He had to get over his shyness, he wanted to show you that he loved you as much as you loved him. The more he stared at your hand, the anxiety within him intensified. In the end, he decided to fuck it all and grab your hand. You were surprised that he made the first move but it didn't last long. 

The ringing from the bicycle approaching made him jump and let go of your hand. And after that, he struggled to hold your hand again. It wasn't that hard for you to figure out that he was trying to hold your hand, possibly feeling bad over that one time he shook your hand off of him. You stopped in your tracks and ensured that you were in a more quiet part of the neighborhood. 

“Tamaki.....you really don't have to force yourself for my sake. You don't have to force yourself to show affection. I know that it's out of your comfort zone and I completely understand that.” you said.

"I-It's not that! I'm not forcing myself! I just.....really wanted to hold your hand." Tamaki muttered the last part mostly to himself.

"It's not embarrassing at all. The problem is me because I get embarrassed easily and....." you didn't hear the rest of his sentence because he was muttering to himself. You put your hand behind your ear and leaned closer towards your boyfriend in hopes of hearing him better.

"Um, Tamaki, I can't really hear you."

"I like it when you're affectionate! So don't stop!" he let out his voice. It didn't take long for him to realize that he had raised his voice, his entire face was beet red. Really, it was embarrassing but as long as you understood his feelings, it didn't really matter at this point. You giggled gently to yourself, and hooked your pinky with his.

"If you can't handle holding hands in public, let's start with our pinkies."

Total: 2605 words  Published: 24.09.2020

Thank you for requesting! ｡٩(ˊᗜˋ)و*｡ You did it right, anon! If you had done something wrong, we would’ve replied right away! That aside, we hope you liked it! ― author Lou

Thank you for requesting it! Potential angsty request but we held back. Hope you enjoyed this! ― author Natsuki

Requests are open! Matchups are closed!

Please do not mind the grammar mistakes and typos.

[pizzablondie]

Invasion of Privacy

Ok so this is something that is absolutely driving me mad. Due to saving up for my first house (which I will hopefully be moving in to sometime this year if everything goes to plan) I have been living with my parents.

Now I know that I have been very fortunate as it has allowed me to save up faster as they only wanted a little bit of rent (which I am very grateful for do not get me wrong) I am struggling with the privacy element. They seem to have no regard or respect for personal space. I have actually discussed some of my irritations with my work colleagues/close friends and they thought it wasn't just intrusive but abusive.

I basically live in my bedroom at the moment, its where I sleep obviously but it is also where my PC is (from which I occasionally work from home), Where I occasionally eat and my television and my games consoles are. Now picture this, I go to work and I am gone roughly 8 and a half hours. Now in that time my mum has wandered in to my room, rearranged all my possessions, read my mail and gone through my private belongings. On one of these occasions she actually came in to my room, went to the left hand side of my bed near the window (which she had no reason to) take out a clear takeaway Tupperware box and put all my hidden sex toys inside. When I asked her about this she said "Well they shouldn't be out on display and they are all together now in that box" despite the fact she has no reason to come in to my bedroom and they are out of sight as they are down the side of my bed, so unless you actively walked in and awkwardly went around my bed (as my room is quite cramped) you wouldn't see them at all (Especially as I did tuck them under my bed slightly anyways so it wasn't obvious). I was literally lost for words when I saw what she had done, not to mention the fact she didn't seem to think there was anything weird about a mother gathering her daughters intimate sexual possessions and organising them in a takeaway box so they look 'tidy'.

I hate the fact that nothing in the one place that I call my own can be private or left untouched. I am 25 years old, I find this behaviour incredibly frustrating and no matter how many times I have tried to tell her to stop coming in to my private space and rummaging/moving my things (to which she usually sulks pulls the "Sorry I'm such a shit mum" routine, stays out for one or two days then continues her normal behaviour) I don't know what to do. Whenever I get a prescription she noseys at it then gives me a ten minute lecture on how I should take it (despite I have been taking my medication for over 10 years now, so I'm pretty sure I know how it works). When I was a child they would read my diary and then make jokes about the things I wrote (I am an introvert and didn't have many friends to talk to growing up so my diary was like my safe place to vent my thoughts, idea's and problems, I can't be the only one thinking this was cruel to expose me like that?). Whenever I try to bring it up I get mocked for being 'oversensitive' or to 'get over it'. I just don't know what to do, I guess the only thing is to just put up and shutup until I get the keys to my house.

Part of me believes it is a controlling issue on their behalf. When I put in an offer for my first house, I told my mum that I didn't want her to buy me anything for it as I want to build it up myself and I also have very specific taste in décor (her taste is dreadful if I am being honest). Also it is my first ever house, I should be able to have the pleasure of furnishing it and decorating as I please. Despite me making this point to her several times (very, very clearly), she still tries jumping on any opportunity to design what my house will look like. She bombards me with links to lamps and furniture she has found (which 9/10 is dreadful and nothing like the themes I have repeatedly said I am planning), my dad has even tried telling her to back off but she yet again does the whole sulking routine. Its so frustrating she just will not listen no matter how I try and tackle the problem. I'm sorry to vent so much but this is the only place I can that I know she won't find. Anybody have any advice or tips? I just want to be able to get through to her and make her listen without being guilt tripped or completely ignored, that shouldn't be so hard should it?

[wakandascrystal]

BET. II

Erik x BlackReader

Summary: Erik and his friends place a bet to get with you little does he know who you and family are.

Part 1

......................................

“Ahh Ray Charles.. Ray Sings, Basie Swings. How did you know? I’m going to enjoy this..“ Your father held the vinyl closely reading all the fine print on the back of the casing.

“How could I not? Ray was all you listened to back then. Your one and only obsession.“ You smiled fondly at the older man. He seemed to be really happy about the gift. That made you feel good. Job well done.

He called one of the four men that stood guard around his office. Dressed in black suits with black earpieces. One hurried towards him. With quickness he took the vinyl from his hands and pulled out the vinyl to insert it into the gramophone.

He dropped the needle and Oh, What A Beautiful Morning started playing. Ray Charles voice filling the wide space. Your father's office was the backdrop of your childhood when you were still innocent and hopeful. You used to run between the wooden chairs and hide behind the large curtains. Minding your blissful business.You missed these days but thinking about the past did nothing but let pain into your heart. Now you were back years later, a grown women. Wiser, intelligent and sometimes harsh.

 Your father's smile took you out of your train of thought. He seemed happy these days. You didn't live with him so seeing him was a treat. You would told anyone this but you were much closer to him the your mother. There were reasons for that, none that made your mother seem unfit but you felt more willing to share your woes and problems with your father. It just felt right.

Next moment the guards left, moving swiftly and closed the door behind them. Offering much needed privacy. While they left he poured himself a glass of whiskey. 

“Thats is not true, Ray is not my only obsession...speaking of..how is your Mother doing?“ He carried on the conversation as if nothing had happened.

“For a divorced couple you both do sure ask about each other a lot.“ You placed your bag on his wooden table and sat down on the leather chairs. Your large dreadlocks laid down the sides of your body. 

“She is the Mother of my beautiful children how could I not care about her well being Y/N?“ He was being sarcastic to cover up his true feelings. He felt bad that you had figured him out already. He sometimes forgets how in ture you are with people's motives and emotions.if only he knew that you didn't judge him one bit. You loved that he wanted her back but you couldn't make your mom fall for him. Not after what happened. 

“I guess, but I know you miss her ...and not in that way in the other way...in the making a 4th child way.“ You took a sip of his whiskey since you already decided to be cheeky with him.

“Y/N!! I am your father!!“ He gently reminds you.  

“And I am your daughter, who can see through your bullshit....I have a good idea! Marry her again!!“

“Y/N!“

“Okay I'm sorry about swearing but you know i'm right.“ You cross your legs and arms.

He leaned back and siped what was left of his whisky. A coy smile on his face thinking about his ex wife.

“How are the twins by the way?” 

“They are fine. Somewhere in Spain, partying. They are young, Dad. Let them live okay. Don't do what you did with me.  Look, now i'm a introverted bitch who cares more about her hair care collection than a real relationship. Call them ...ask how they are doing...show them ...that you care even if it looks small. We love affection.“

“Okay I won't be strict on the boys and ill send them love letters every 2 seconds”

You rolled your eyes

“- But your mother will defendant be strict with them. I can't help you there. Speaking about relationships..you still up on my offer?”

You let out a sigh thinking about his offer. 

“No..I love you dad but i have to decline.I appreciate it I really do but..but you know I'm not a fan of your line of work... and I know what your gonna say. The money raised us, yes and it came when we really needed it. It's a double standard but I can't have someone with such a risky ...lifestyle. I worry about you and Uncle Ronny too much already. Just for my piece of mind I can't go out with the men you have in mind.“ 

“Don't worry sweetheart. Your old man understands.“

“I mean do you know any teachers, bus drivers, an IT guy...hell you know any barrestas.“ He laughed and your sense of humour.

He was glad you were very open with him. Unlike your younger brothers you had reached maturity that surprised him but sometimes you being alone with no one did worry him. 

“Dad Im happy. Don't worry. I really dont need a man. I'm good.“ You tried to convince him.

“I wouldn't be this...concerned if ...if you were active.“ 

“No! I'm not having this conversation with you.“  You were shocked. He had due restriction when it came to your sex life.

“Baby listen you can't be ...scared your whole life. I know what happened when you were young and I know how damaging that experience was to you. You were so young and brave-.“

You cut him off.

“Brave? I wasn't brave dad. I just.....I just layed there and he-” Your voice cracked. You squeezed your thighs remembering the pain “..I Know I can't think like that, that a man who wants me will treat me that way but ...it's so hard. The thought of opening up to a stranger ..it's bit crazy.” 

You wanted him to knew you were afraid but at the say time you didn't. You wanted to live up to this strong daughter image but you had your moments of weakness. Bearing them deep in your soul was better than reliving them. 

“You forgave him, made some calls and you took care of him.”

“Is that what we calling murder now.“ You pushed your hair back.

“You know you didn't have to do it.“ He leaned back into his chair. The smirk on your face worried him.

“I'm glad I did.“

“but... you became stronger. I dont think you should let that event lead you stray from love..potential love. You are-”

“Putting a bullet through his head was never going to take the pain away.“ You whispered

“Does it make me a bad person that I loved the sound of his ...agony... The scream he let out when Uncle Ronnie started cutting off his fingers. Does that make me a bad person?” You voice was soft and dry.

“You wanted revenge....Anyone would have. You a good girl Y/N. You deserve to be happy, I'll make sure of it. If anyone tries anything. I mean anything with you. They so much as move a hair out of place. Call me and they will wish they were never born.“

You wink at him trying to lighten the heavy mood

“Speaking of that..... I did met someone!“ You looked down fearing his reaction. It was bad timing but you wanted him to know 

“Really now?“ he looked surprised.

“Yes..and I have his number. He seemed kind and he said he came out of a bad break up about a year ago. I'm not sure about him but he..he made feel comfortable.“

”Well I’m very happy to hear that. When are you planning to meet the young man.“

“I’m not sure maybe tomorrow maybe next week, maybe never.“ 

“Okay then. Tell me when you or if you do meet him. But I do need to leave unfortunately. I'm leaving the country for a bit. Business of course but please do get comfortably. I will see you in 4 days.“

You got up from your chair and gave your father a hug. He was warm and large just how you liked. Your face rested on his chest. Hearing his calm heart beat.

“Thank you for being understanding, for being patient with me and supportive. Please stay safe and come back in one piece.“

“Always. Now please. Get some rest. Eat something.” He gave you a kiss on the cheek and you left his office.

You strolled making your way to your ride. You instructed Frank, your driver to take you to the Hilton hotel. You had been living there since you arrived. The suite you booked was beautiful and you wish you could live there forever. There were no memory, no stress, no anxiety, no fears. when you layed in your bubble bath in the lavish hotel room you at peace. Milky bubble bath sat still around your curvy brown form, hair up away from the fragranced  soapy water. 

You remember telling your father you didn't need a man. That was true you didn't need one but having someone would be nice. The gilded hotel rooms, marble floors and first class flights to any country. They would be so much better with someone. Someone who cared and loved you. Maybe giving Someone a chance would a right start but you really didn't want to date. The process seemed tedious and time consuming. 

But Erik seemed....different. Well that's what you thought. He was a gorgeous black man, there was question about that but beautiful men are everywhere. Your priority was finding someone with a good heart, maybe some who is simple. No flashy lifestyle. Someone would have patience and be slow with you.

Taking a chance climbed out of the warm tub heading to get your phone on the messy bed...Wrapped in a towel you decided to call him.

***************************

“You are a punk, look hoe I'm beating your ass.“ Erik shouted

They were in a heated basketball video game. The guys had brought drinks, weed and snacks to Coles place. It was a friday so they wanted to unwind. 

“Trey, I will body you next round I swear. How could you let this fool win.”  Jadyn complained 

“...And you put money on this nigga.“ Trey called Cole out.

“”What? I thought I could win...I really did have it..“

“Don't lie! You never had it.“ Erik mocked him.

“Ahh I wouldn't be talking if I was you ...shawty still hasn't texted your ass..“ Cole gave back the same energy.

“..She will ..just give her time.“ Erik really didn't expect you to take time long to text him. It pissed him off. He underestimated your thirst.

Any girl with half a brain would have texted him by now.  He was used to that. There was no instant gratification with you. He felt ashamed a bit that you didn't fall to his feet and he tried to avoid talking about the bet.

“..Stop all that..just reload the next game..i'm going to the bathroom... “

He up and left. Minutes later he heard Cole telling him he had a phone call from an unknown number.

“Let it ring...“ He shouted back as he dried his hands

“So E who’s calling you so late. Its almost 11. Early booty call.“

Erik made his way back to the living room.

“Nah all my booty calls are saved. I have Friday Linda big Titties, double cheek up Nikki, Lisa Titties could be bigger ....and my absolute favorite.....Nasty Keke. Now that bitch is crazy. “

“Call it back maybe it's an important call from the hospital or something.“ He stopped playing the game.

“Man why would you say that...playing with my guilty conscious and shit.“

He dialed up the number and called it.

It would be an understatement to say he did not expect your voice. It was sweet with just enough of nervousness to make it sound more attractive.

“Hey“ Erik’s voice involentarly went high as well and all the 3 men in the room with him looked at him. 

“Are you alone?“ You asked. Erik signaled them to turn of the games and stay quiet then proceed to put the call on speaker.

“Yeah It's just me. I..I didn't expect you to call.“ 

“Oh ...Im sorry. Its just I feel like calling is better? Don't you think?“ You waited for him to answer. Tip toeing around your room. 

“Don't apologise...I mean..Yeah..Calls are more personal. Makes the person in the other end feel..... real.“ 

All 3 men knew Erik was talking shit but for a small moment Erik forgot about the Bet. It was actually nice to have a female call him like this. It had never happened before. They always just texted him. Texted him where to pick them up and when to. They never really wanted to get to know him. 

“Did your father like the gift?“ He asked 

“Yes, he did. He’s a big fan of Ray.“ You hated how nervous you were. It really annoyed you. You didn't understand because you weren't this emotional when you meet him back at the music store. Why did you feel like this now. You liked how deep his voice was, You tried not to be affected by its smoothness.

“ - and hows that heart of yours?“ Erik remembered the lie he had told before.

“His doing much better now that you called. You made a brother wait 2 weeks.”  You let out a playful laugh

“Believe or not but I have other things to deal with...but you're very corny Sir. Do you know that?“

“Yes. I'm just trying to be myself. Corny all day. How was your day Y/N?“

“Well, I facetimed my brothers, Dwayne and Dean. They on vacation right now. Then I visited my dad. I actually gave him the ...gift today. Now i'm at home...its a hotel but still.. Nothing much really and you? A handsome man like you surely has tons of women -“

Erik knew that in order to gain your trust he had to destroy any doubt you might have about him. That yeah, a tall, handsome man could be available like that.

“Its 11: 20 and Im on the phone with you ..what women?”

The line went silent for too long. You didn't know what say. Erik and his friends could hear your soft breaths. You were lying face up on the bed now.

“You still there“ he asked.

“There’s a Japanes restaurant downtown... Nine o'clock sharp. Tomorrow.“ You hold your breath.

Erik stood up and did a victory dab and the men smiled

“Let me pick you up, Where do you live?“

“No you dont have to...you know what yes“ Erik thought your outburst was strange but he didn't dwell to much on it.

But that would be hard to explain. Why you had a 6.2ft armed guard following you at all times ....at any given moment he was always next to you. You didn't want him to see that. It would be too early to explain to him. Joe, your bodyguard didn't like leaving you alone. He would meet your father's wrath if anything happen to you. So you would have to talk to him and make sure he stays low.

You would just cross that bridge when you got there.

 “......Yeah. I'm excited.“

You regretted saying that. It just came out to fast. You really didn't want Erik to think you were forward.

“Me too.“ Your heart melted a little. For some reason you thought he would make fun of you.

“Have a nice night Erik. I'm going to bed now."

"Okay goodnight Princess."

You bit you lip and hung up before you moaned out loud. Rolling around in bed you giggled from the adrenaline from the pet name paired up with his voice. You couldn't believe what you just did. You felt a sense of victory. You felt proud of yourself. You hoped Erik felt the same.

**************

He hung up and the boys went wild with excitement.

" fuck that....I'm not letting you anywhere near my girl no more. You too smooth nigga." Trey said laughing with excitement.

"She eat that shit up like breakfast. I hope yall have got my cash ready."Erik said 

“You better send us some evidence though.“ Trey reminded him

“Yeah whatever. I need to leave anyway get ready for my date and shit. I think i'll stop by Tati’s house first. That girl knows how to throw it back. I'm out.“ He got his belongings and left. Meanwhile you left to call Joe. He had rather stand guard outside the hotel door then inside. He liked to give you your private space. You called him. 

“Joe could you come in for a bit i need to talk to you.“

“Sure.“ By the time you had slipped into pjs he was standing in the living room area.

“Joe...Please take a seat. There is something i need to tell you....“

“Yes “ the incredibly large man sat down legs wide on the soft couch.

“I'm going on a date tomorrow.“ You would be lying if you said you didn't expect his reaction to the new.

“..and who the fuck is that punk.“

Joe had watched you grow up in front of his eyes. he was assigned to you when you were 12. He knew you better than most people in your life so he cared for you a lot and he had his own way of showing it.

“Joe please. He’s nice. And he's taking me out tomorrow.“

“Is he that nigga that was bugging you at that music shop. Him and his friends were acting too fresh for my liking. Eyeing you like a piece of meat. “

“okay i get it men are weird but the reason i called you in ..was to ask you ...to not come.“

“Forget it. If something happens to you ..your father will kill me.“

“I know...Its just i dont want him to know. Can you at least just keep a low profile.“

“Okay. I'll try...but if he so much as hurts you ill...“ You covered his mouth quickly.

“I think you forgetting that i can take care of myself.“

***********************************

🌸Tiny Taglist🌸

@fd-writes 

@sheisexcellent1

@writerbee-ffs

@asguardianslut

@chaneajoyyy

@toniilaney  

[retvenkos]

Hi, I had sent a 🔥 ask like a week ago and I saw your post about tumblr eating some of them. I wanted to resend it, but I don’t want to be a bother, so don’t worry if you don’t want to do it. I had asked for a male character from Merlin and Narnia. I’m an INFP hufflepuff and I love to read. I also love nature, especially flowers, and music and I love to dance, but only in the privacy of my own home. I dislike crowds and loud spaces. Again, feel free to ignore and congrats on the 2.5k!

Merlin:

I ship you with Sir Leon!

alright, so sir leon is the sweetest of all the knights, and the two of you are perfect together - thoughtful, open-minded, generous, loyal to a fault, and fairly idealistic in your views. you’re the resident optimists of camelot, and the hufflepuff energy you radiate is off the charts.

i imagine you’re the child of some noble or another, so you’re both on the same level, and you were probably childhood friends (because leon deserves a childhood friends to lovers storyline and on god i will give it to him)

i 100% envision you walking around the castle with leon, both of you playfully teasing each other or reminiscing about your childhood, and gwaine and percival show up, telling leon he needs to get to training, and when they walk away you can hear them teasing him about his crush on you, and he laughs all flustered.

(because at this point, ofc, the two of you are courting, but the other knights don’t know because they don’t think leon has the guts to ask you and he doesn’t deny it, because then they’re teasing about him being whipped would be even worse.)

oh! and you definitely watch leon train from time to time - maybe you bring a book and masquerade like your reading (and you know merlin teases you about it) but you’re really just here to watch leon.

and the two of you go on walks or you go horseback riding together - the two of you rarely get time to spend together where he isn’t running after arthur and you’re not answering to snobbish nobles, so the time you do spend together, you try to get out so you’re undisturbed. i imagine that you stop at some point and you make flower crowns, or at least pick flowers and tuck them behind his ears. maybe you braid flowers into his hair. idk, but sir leon and flowers in his hair is peak.

something i also love about the two of you is you value your privacy - both of you like to have moments for just the two of you, little things that you do for each other that only the two of you know of. one of these is definitely dancing. leon loves to hold you close, and dancing with you in private is an easy way to get you near. i imagine that he’ll hum a tune for you to “dance” to, where you really just sway with each other.

also! if you sing, it’s leon’s favorite thing. your voice calms him, and he never fails to compliment it. 

i imagine that the two of you have a very soft, lowkey relationship.

Narnia:

I ship you with Caspian!

alright, so the first thing to know about caspian is that he’s a dreamer - in every sense of the word. he loves fantastical stories with happy endings and he loves pondering what might have been, and what still can be. i think his more reserved nature is what initially draws you to him - he’s strong and he can be quite charismatic when he wants to be, but he’s also very gentle and introverted.

you like is more gentle, calm demeanor, and both of you are very relaxed when with each other. even though caspian is introverted and so are you, he has this way about him that makes it easy to open up to him, something that’s hard for others to do, seeing as you like to keep things close.

and caspian loves how open-minded and thoughtful you are - the two of you have the best, long conversations where you talk about the world, and about what you could become. it’s funny that you would talk about his future, because caspian is a little unsure when it comes to things like that, but you manage to put him at ease in the best way.

and on the other hand, caspian is active and he likes to go on adventures. when he feels free, caspian is at his happiest, and there’s a lot of playfulness that he shows when the two of you are horseback riding or are on the dawn treader - it’s almost as though, for a moment, he’s not an unsure king, but just someone seeing the world and not worrying about his place in it.

i think you would indulge caspian in his more carefree moments, and you would be a steady hand to hold in the challenging moments, and that’s what caspian deserves.

i also think that caspian would love to read with you! he grew up on rich stories of the kings and queens of old, and he no doubt grew to love stories in general, maybe going on to write a bit of poetry himself (which he insists is terrible - he doesn’t have the rhythm the should, but you think is wonderful in its own way). he would especially love to listen to you read aloud - it makes him feel less alone, and that’s something he needs.

[nakunakunomi]

Matchup for @silenceofthecookies​

22 years old, straight lady. INJF-T. Leo.  I’m short and curvy, I’ve got long, brown hair and grey eyes. I prefer to dress vintage, with the 50ies being my favourite style. It makes me feel feminine and sometimes even sexy, without showing a lot of skin.  I like music, photography, videogames, books, movies, manga and D&D. Fun fact: my sides are ridiculously ticklish and I will scream and/or flail around at the slightest touch. Favourite food: sushi, pasta, pizza, pokebowl, favourite animal: wolf, favourite colour: green, favourite day of the week: Saturday. Fears: a lot of things. Needles, heights, falling, getting hurt.  Dreams and goals: I’d love to know 10 languages someday. Having a job I truly enjoy doing every day is also a goal. Staying long with one company, getting a steady relationship,….  Personality: I’m always trying to stay positive. I will very easily adapt my energy to the people around me. Around a very high energy person, I too will become very high energy (so I’ll let them pull me up), but people with very low energy, or people who are very sad, can really drag me down into their space sometimes (though this has become less common). Whenever I show behaviour that the people around me don’t show (such as openly showing my emotions, getting loud when I get excited, being the only one crying with a movie, ect) I get a little awkward/embarrassed. I’m pretty bad at taking genuine compliments. 

Hiya Cookie! I match you with.... 

OTP: Vinsmoke Sanji 

Okay, there are plenty of reasons why Sanji would be a perfect partner, compatibleness aside. (and no, again, I don’t stan a pervert so that Sanji does not exist here). So what does Sanji have to offer you, besides being able to cook all the things you like and more and worship you like a queen?? 

Not good with compliments? Feeling a little down? Self conscious about anything, be it physical or mental or situational, Sanji has your back. His compliments are endless but also sincere, and after a while you cannot help but believe him, he will make you believe him. 

Sanji has some of that strawhat dumbass energy (tm) which is ideal for when you’re feeling a little more active, but he also knows how to read a room and quiet down when needed, around you, and thus helping you adapt to the energy of the room more easily by going from wild compliments and laughter to just pulling you close and keeping it quiet and intimate. 

Sanji is flirty and will take the first steps in approaching you, so the parts that can be hard for an introvert are mostly taken care of by him. Once he’s sure you’re the one, and you get into that serious relationship, he’s in there for the long haul. No flirting around. He’ll still be chivalrous of course, it’s the instinct Zeff has beat into him, but nothing that would make his one lady uncomfortable.

Fun dates include long walks where you can bring your camera (he’ll also gladly model for you), taste-testing his newest creations and just lazing around together, with the occasional tickle fight flowing into some make out sessions, that is, if the others leave you to your privacy... Oh, and he loves going shopping with you, the fact that your style makes you look all sexy while still covering up enough skin to prevent his nose from bleeding makes it ideal. Don’t even think about paying by the way, working or not, Sanji is treating you like his queen on any and all dates, and takes care of the bills, the carrying of bags, and makes sure you are comfortable at all times! 

Runner up: Trafalgar D. Water Law 

Sharing nerdy hobbies, quiet moments in a relatively small crew that’s, all things considered, quite stable and incredibly loyal. 

Law and you can share loads of quality time in reading books, discussing the newest comics and just generally working together in the submarine every single day. Each of you can do your own thing while just enjoying each other’s company, and I bet ya DnD evenings with Bepo, Law, Sachi, Ikkaku and Penguin would be absolutely hilarious (but also slightly frustrating, they come up with the craziest things). 

The reason he’s not your #1: Law needs someone to crack him open and spill his feelings and that’s not going to work out with an introverted personality type, that’s going to drag on way too long. On top of that, his generally gloomy and grumpy moods would leave you gloomy and grumpy too often, even though the rest of the crew could feed you some of that higher energy. 

BroTP: Nico Robin 

Robin, first of all, has the talent to match her energy to whoever she’s around. Even though it’s mostly on the calmer side, she is willing to engage in some playful banter and such whenever the situation allows it. She has a calm, generally optimistic attitude, and it’s the exact kind of energy you need to enjoy your hobbies and get nice things done without feeling too drained! 

Of course, language learning and book reading are things you can bond over besides the usual friendship things. Robin is one of those friends not afraid to practise a language with you, even if you both just end up giggling over hilarious mistakes. She will adapt her energy to yours in the best way possible and you bet she gives you the best advice. On life, relationships, and all other possible things you can imagine. 

[viceprints]

Title: In Amsterdam Summary: After realizing that Saehyun isn’t having as much fun on tour as he is, Woodam decides to make it up to her by dragging her out of her hotel room.

Pairing: Woodam x Saehyun Genre: Fluff , relationship building Word Count: 1.8k Warnings: None that I could think of besides that it’s partially edited so there may be some mistakes. But please let me know if you think something deserves a warning!!  

SUMMER 2014, AMSTERDAM, THE NETHERLANDS 

“Dude, get ready.” Cyth emerged from the bathroom, running a fine toothed comb through his hair. “The pyrotech boys are waiting for us in the lobby.” 

Woodam lounged on his hotel bed with his laptop in his lap. He was wearing his grubby sweatpants and a shirt so old that the lettering on it was worn off, completely contrasting the designer button up that Cyth was currently sporting. He tried to make himself look as obstinate as possible. 

“You backing out?” Cyth asked, a twinge of disappointment in his voice. The hurt in his older friend’s voice almost made Woodam reconsider his plan, but he stood his ground.

“Yeah man, I’m just not really feeling up to it tonight.” Woodam shrugged, looking at his computer screen rather than his friend’s face.

“Okay... Sure.” Sungho didn’t argue. The good thing about rooming with someone who’s introverted; they never question your need for space. The rapper headed to the door, flinging his coat over his shoulder. “I’ll try to be home before two, but... no promises.” 

“Alright, be safe!” Woodam called, pretending to search something on his laptop.

“Again, no promises.” Cyth smirked at him from the doorway before closing the door. 

Woodam waited fifteen minutes before snapping his laptop shut. By now, the staff members should either be experiencing the nightlife that Amsterdam had to offer or unwinding in the privacy of their own rooms. It was time for him to get a move on.

Discarding his worn out clothes, he put on a nicer pair of jeans and one of his less-shabby sweatshirts. After a quick comb through his hair and a spritz of cologne for good luck, he exited his hotel room, heading for Saehyun’s down the hall.

Ever since Vice’s tour started, Saehyun, their photographer and past savior, had been dodging invites from Vice and the rest of the staff to unwind after work. At first, Woodam respected the rejection, even though he wished she occupied one of the empty chairs when the staff went out for dinner. But as the tour went on, Woodam felt like it was unfair that he was making all these memories while Saehyun, the person who saved him from a sasaeng all those years ago, sat alone in her hotel room. Tonight, he was going to repay her.

Woodie knocked on her door, swaying back and forth on the balls of his feet while he waited for her to answer. He heard the shuffle of footsteps stop before the door. Woodam looked at the peephole and waved enthusiastically. He was sure he heard a sigh before the door opened.

“Sorry, Woodam. I’m not going out tonight.” Saehyun said, giving him a false look of apology. 

“Oh, no worries, me either.” Woodam beamed. The apologetic smile on the photographer’s face melted, being replaced with a mild look of bewilderment.

“Huh?” 

“The boys already left. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out?” Woodam proposed, his mouth dry. In his head, Saehyun would accept the invitation without hesitation and the rest of their night would be full of unforgettable memories. However, the strained smile on Saehyun’s face was bringing Woodam back to reality. Before Saehyun could give him an excuse, he continued speaking. “I don’t want to invade your space but you just seemed really stressed lately and I’m worried that you’re overworking yourself. I’m just worried.” 

Saehyun licked her lower lip, mulling the proposal over. Then she looked over her shoulder, surveying her current living situation. 

“Um, would you like to step in for a minute? We can plan out what we want to do.” She offered tentatively. 

“Only if you’re comfortable.” Woodam said sincerely. “You have the right to tell me to go away.” 

A ghost of a smile quirked on Saehyun’s lips as she stepped aside and welcomed him into her hotel room. 

The room was clean enough, but it was obvious that Saehyun had been living out of it for the duration of their time in Amsterdam. A collection of discarded takeout boxes were crammed into the overflowing trash can. Her pre-planned outfits for the week were neatly folded on the spare bed. Books were stacked on her nightstand, titles that Woodam had noticed several times on the job sight between breaks.

Woodie gestured to a well-worn paperback book. “Didn’t you finish that in Germany?” He asked.

Saehyun shrugged. “I’m re-reading it. I didn’t bring as much reading material as I thought I did.” 

Woodam perked up, an idea of how they can spend their night casting over him. “Hey, let’s go shopping for a new book for you to read. My treat.” 

Saehyun gave him an appreciative smile. “That’s sweet of you, Woodie, but it’s not necessary.” 

“Saehyun, come on.” Woodam pouted, giving the photographer pleading eyes. “You’ve been stuck in this hotel room for two nights now. It’ll be nice to get some fresh air, huh?” 

Woodam knew no one could resist his pouting, and Saehyun was no exception. Within ten minutes the pair was exiting the hotel, heading towards the downtown area. 

It didn’t take long for Woodam to locate the bookstore he mentioned. The outside was covered in ivy and had little window boxes filled with multicolored flowers. A string of delicate fairy lights draped over the doorway and windows. It looked like something out of a fairytale. Woodie opened the door for Saehyun and watched with satisfaction as his photographer’s jaw dropped every so slightly.

The inside of the bookstore was even more magical. There were books stacked from the floor to the ceiling, teetering in precarious towers. Paper mobiles hung from the rafters, taking shapes of animals or hot air balloons. Just like outside, there were fairylights draped over bookshelves and dangling from the ceiling. It was like stepping into a whole other world. 

“Wow.” Saehyun mouthed, looking around with wide eyes. Woodie smiled at Saehyun’s endearing amazement. He let Saehyun wander around as he followed behind her like a tethered puppy, occasionally glancing at titles as they passed. Unfortunately, the bulk of the inventory was written either in Dutch or English. As Saehyun began to notice, her smile started fading and becoming more strained.

Woodie looked around for something to cheer Saehyun up. His eyes fell on a display a few paces away. He walked over and picked up a copy, hurrying back over with a smile on his face. 

“What’s that?” Saehyun asked. Woodam held it up proudly. Saehyun arched an eyebrow, looking not nearly as impressed as Woodam imagined.

“A coloring book?” Saehyun wrinkled her nose.

“An adult coloring book.” Woodam emphasized, flipping through the pages, displaying all the intricate line drawings. Saehyun still didn’t seem hooked. Woodam snapped the book shut, accepting defeat. 

“Okay… What about…” Woodam looked around. He spent about fifteen minutes searching around the store for something Saehyun would like. Unfortunately, all he knew about Saehyun was that she liked to take pictures and that she probably wanted Woodam to leave her alone. He came up empty handed, and Saehyun looked bored.

“I don’t know…” Woodam sulked, glancing around the bookstore one last time. “I think we struck out.” “It’s getting late anyways.” Saehyun shrugged. “We should probably get back to the hotel before people realize we’re gone.” 

Woodam followed Saehyun towards the door silently, thoroughly discouraged that he couldn’t make this night memorable. He doesn’t even know if Saehyun smiled once tonight. That hurt Woodam the most. 

As they were passing the last row of displays, something caught Woodam’s eye. He halted in his tracks. To his left was a tall shelf full of journals. The covers ranged from classic leather bound to sparkled with rhinestones. Saehyun realized Woodam wasn’t behind her and backtracked to stand next to him. 

Woodam glanced over at the girl with a grin on his face. “What about writing your own story?” 

“Got any ideas about your first entry?” Woodam questioned as they walked down the sidewalk. Above them, the street lights buzzed, casting the two of them in an peachy tint. Saehyun peeked into the paper bag, examining her recent purchase. “Not sure.” Saehyun mused. “Maybe I’ll make it into a burn book.”

Woodam’s eyebrows shot up. “Working for HBH is that bad huh?” He teased.

Saehyun rolled her eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that. Most of the staff is lovely. I think.” A puzzled expression casted over her features. “It’s kind of hard to tell who’s nice and who isn’t if everyone talks to you simply.” 

“You haven’t made any friends yet?” Woodam asked with concern. 

Saehyun dryly chuckled. “I mean… I’m not really here to make friends. I’m here to photograph a boy band and to build up my resume.” 

“Still. It must get lonely if you don’t have someone to talk to.” Woodam sympathized. Saehyun didn’t respond. Laughter and cheers from the bars that lined the streets filtered into the night, contrasting the stiff silence between them. 

“Are you okay?” 

Woodam had been wanting to ask this question for weeks now. With no other staff members or his friends around, the question came out easily. Saehyun looked up at Woodam, her expression downcast.

“I mean… Yeah. I’m okay. But I guess you’re right. I am a little lonely.” 

The silence returned.

“You should write about tonight.” Woodam suggested as they were two blocks from their hotel. “In your journal, I mean.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. You might be less lonely when you look back on it.” Woodam smiled. Saehyun fought off a grin as she gave him a playful shove. “Yeah, I’ll look back on it and write about how you tried to get me to buy a coloring book.” Saehyun chuckled. “Hey, it was a good idea! You’re just boring.” “I’m not boring.” “I’d say otherwise…” “You don’t know me.” Saehyun arched her eyebrows playfully. Woodam slowed his walking, nodding his head.

“You’re right. I don’t really know you.” The idol gave the photographer a small smirk. “Maybe we should hang out more. Then I’ll be able to decide if you’re boring or not.” 

Saehyun’s smile melted a little. “That’s sweet, Woodie, but… I’m concerned of how it’ll look to everyone else if we start hanging out. My colleagues know I used to be a fansite, you know? They already have their assumptions as to why I’m here. I don’t want to look any less professional than I already do.” 

Woodam nodded in understanding. He looked around them. There were people around, but no one seemed to be paying any attention to them. He pointed a finger to the sky. “What if we hung out like this?” 

“At night?” Saehyun reacted as if Woodam suggested that they lay in the middle of the road. “If we get caught, I’ll be booted in a heartbeat.” 

“So we won’t.” Woodam grinned. “I’m better at keeping secrets than you may think.” 

Saehyun ran a hand through her hair, tugging the roots back as she thought about the proposal. Finally, her hand fell from her locks, the strain on her scalp being released. 

“I guess it was nice not spending a night alone.” She caved. Woodam beamed, resuming his walking.

“Exactly.” Woodam said satisfactorily.

[sunmisgirl]

Rose-Colored Boy

For 🍇 anon: may i also request the full scenario of the exo reaction to fighting with their s/o, but with baekhyun?! :)

Couple: Baekhyun x female reader

Genre: Angst (don’t worry; this one has a happy ending)

Length: 2k

Warning: brief mention of drinking

Nina’s Note: This scenario developed from an EXO reaction I wrote previously. Thanks to Seohyun who gave me an idea for the storyline and helped proofread it.

The expression “opposites attract” applies perfectly to your relationship with Baekhyun. Others describe him as a very playful and energetic person whereas you’re more introverted and selective with who you speak to. 

You met Baekhyun through mutual friends and went on a few dates not expecting much in the beginning. However, his charm, humor, and carefree personality sealed the deal. 

You’ve been dating for approximately two years but live in separate places refusing to succumb to friends’ pressures about moving in together. He respects your space and acknowledges that you value privacy and it takes time for you to open up about things. Usually you gravitate to each other like magnets despite your differences, but things are a bit tense lately.

You tend to take things very seriously meanwhile he has an easygoing approach towards life, always acting carefree and being the life of the party. Whenever you try to explain things from your perspective, he tells you to liven up and not take life so seriously before carrying on in his own little world. 

Some days you become so frustrated and wonder if Baekhyun is the right person for you. He fails to act serious in the relationship and brushes everything off with no cares whatsoever. 

Relationships consist of trial and errors and it seems you reached the ultimate test. A mutual friend invites you to a small gathering that ends up becoming a full blown house party. These gatherings usually aren't your scene but you attend them because of Baekhyun. He changes the atmosphere of any party the second he walks through the door.

People naturally gravitate to his energy and he welcomes everyone that speaks to him. After a few hours you grow restless and tap Baekhyun on the shoulder but he's completely immersed in a story Chanyeol is passionately reenacting in the living room.

“Baek, let's call it a night,” you suggest but the music drowns out your voice. He furrows his eyebrows and leans closer to hear you better. “I'm feeling a bit tired. Can we go home now?”

He begins responding but gets dragged by Sehun to play a round of beer pong. He calls out, “Five more minutes!” before following the small crowd to the other end of the house.

Those requested 'five more minutes' quickly changes into an hour and you're stuck sitting on the couch with a can of soda watching Baekhyun land another ball into the overflowing cups. The crowd cheers loudly while Sehun sulks about losing another round.

Yixing passes by noticing the evident frustration on your face. “Are you not pleased with the party? Where's Baek?” he jokes lightly and nudges your shoulder. “He's having the time of his life. Just another day in paradise,” you remark bitterly glaring at Baekhyun across the floor. 

His eyes meet yours and he grimaces immediately remembering the promise he made an hour ago. He bids everyone farewell and rushes over to you apologizing for the wait. Yixing briefly greets Baekhyun and waves to you before mingling with a few other partygoers.

You exit the house with a sour expression etched on your face and Baekhyun follows behind with a slight stumble. He is somewhat inebriated which automatically designates you the driver for the night. 

It’s frustrating that he completely ignores you while spending time with friends and then rambles during the car ride barely giving you time to speak what’s on your mind. This night is one of many reasons why you argue with each other.

Baekhyun thinks everything is about him and only him. The fact you feel ignored and unable to speak to him encourages you to bottle up your emotions. 

You become more reluctant to share any good news with him and he catches onto this rather quickly. He easily notices the disinterest in your eyes whenever he rambles about his day or shares stories. 

Whenever he cracks jokes you only respond with a tight-lipped smile or half-hearted laugh. He feels like he’s losing you day by day. His best friend. 

Baekhyun assumes you’re acting cold towards him because he hasn’t spent much time with you. Therefore, he sends a text one day instructing you to get dressed by 7 pm for a night out. Curiosity about his intentions outweigh the hesitation in your mind as you rummage the closet for something to wear that evening. 

Once he picks you up in his Audi, he remains silent the entire drive refusing to reveal the surprise regardless of your constant pleas. Your questions are answered once he arrives at the restaurant where you had your first date.

Baekhyun happily escorts you into the restaurant and pulls out the chair waiting for you to sit at the reserved table. It's completely unexpected and such a sweet gesture. Conversation flows easily between you two and you smile for the first time in weeks. It seems like everything is finally starting to go back to normal.

However, he eventually falls back into the same pattern of making everything about him. You take a deep breath and try to hide the disappointment on your face during the meal. 

Baekhyun instantly notices your cold behavior that evening when you reply curtly and tries persuading you to share what’s on your mind. No matter how many questions he asks during dinner, you stay solid as a rock and pretend to have a headache to end the night faster.

He tries prying a response out of you one last time before dropping you off at your place. “It’s my job as your boyfriend to make sure you never frown. Come on, what’s troubling you?” he asks sincerely, briefly looking over at you on the passenger side. 

“Can’t we just enjoy a silent ride? You’re always trying to psychoanalyze me. Maybe I need some peace and quiet instead of your voice droning on the whole night,” you retort and shift your body to rest against the interior of the car door. Deep breathing nor a simple meditation technique can relax you right now. The one person you thought you can’t live without is causing so much strife. 

“You’re such a pain in the ass sometimes,” he mumbles to himself and parks in your neighborhood. “Get out of the car.” You blink a few times shocked by his sudden change of mood and peek out the window, noticing your apartment building is further down the road. 

“Why are you kicking me out?” you question and unbuckle the seat belt. He pinches the bridge of his nose before continuing, “I don’t have time for this right now. I try everything to make you happy and all you do is push me further away.” 

You scoff in frustration and reply, “Hate to break it to you but the world doesn’t revolve around you, Baekhyun. A relationship is about two people, not one. Lately you ignore me and never take anything seriously. You see everything through rose-colored glasses. Not all of us can be happy-go-lucky!”  

“I already told you to get out!” he yells and hits the steering wheel in frustration. You exit the vehicle rolling your eyes and exclaim, “Do what you always do, Baek. Run from confrontation. That’s what you’re best at anyways!” 

He drives off the second you slam the passenger door and doesn’t look in the rear-view mirror to find you still standing on the curb. You watch Baekhyun zoom down the street until his car lights fade into the night. 

Tears form in your eyes as you walk to the apartment building down the street clearly embarrassed by the turn of events. You never imagined the relationship would reach this point. After turning off your phone for the night, you take a quick shower and change into comfortable pajamas before dozing off still upset.  

Baekhyun tries to erase the last 20 minutes from his memory by increasing the music’s volume on his car radio. His hands unconsciously grip the steering wheel clearly agitated about the state of your relationship. 

When did everything change between us? 

Once he reaches his place, he swipes to your contact on his phone ready to call you but realizes you probably want nothing to do with him tonight. Baekhyun tries to sleep but can’t get you off his mind so he gets dressed and drives to your place. He makes sure not to startle you when he enters the apartment with a spare key and settles on the couch in your living room to sleep for a few hours. 

You expect to forget everything that happened last night by the morning. However, Baekhyun’s words still resonate as you emerge from bed and shuffle to the kitchen to brew some coffee. 

You notice a slumped figure lying on the couch and quickly realize it’s the last person you want to see right now. You consider hurling a pillow directly at his sleepy face but decide to be the bigger person and wake him gently. Baekhyun stirs from his slumber and rubs his eyes before peering up at you. 

“When did you get in here?” you inquire looking at him dressed in last night’s attire. “A bit past two a.m. I have a spare key, remember?” He rises from the couch and runs a hand through his messy hair.

“Did you come back for round two?” you huff and turn to enter the kitchen busying yourself with making breakfast. He silently follows you and casts his eyes to the floor. 

“I want to apologize for last night and the past few weeks. It kills me that I left you alone like that last night. You deserve so much love and recognition. I admit I’ve been emotionally absent in the relationship but I’ll work on it. You’re such an important part of my life; I can’t bear to lose you now.”

He stays quiet awaiting your answer but you continue ignoring him and rummage the drawer for utensils. Baekhyun idles by the kitchen counter wondering if this is how the relationship will end. You completely shutting down and walking out of his life forever. 

He sighs looking around the apartment one last time before fishing out the spare key from his pocket and placing it on the coffee table. He then approaches the front door and turns the knob but you stop him from leaving. 

“Wait.”

He faces you with a crestfallen expression but hope still gleams in his eyes. You slowly move closer to Baekhyun and utter, “I must apologize too. I’m not exactly innocent either. I should try opening up more in general instead of shunning you. Since the start of this relationship, you’ve always supported my decisions and respected my space. You’re not psychic; you can’t possibly know everything that’s going on in my mind.”

You anxiously play with the hem of your pajama shirt waiting for him to say something. Anything. He nods upon hearing your words and meets you halfway before wrapping his arms around you. 

“The universe can try breaking us apart but I’ll just hold on tighter,” Baekhyun says aloud. You hum in agreement becoming slightly emotional at the thought of losing him. Losing two years worth of memories. 

“Maybe we should listen to our friends and move in together,” he whispers in your ear and holds you tighter. “Baby steps, Byun. Many, many baby steps,” you respond while pulling away from the embrace.

“Go brush your teeth. You have morning breath,” he teases while scrunching his nose and releasing his grip on your waist. You lightly shove him out the way with a smile and walk to the bathroom relieved that the relationship survived the ultimate test.

Life is difficult as it is. If we all take a step back and see things from each other’s perspective, amazing things can and will happen.

[kweebtrash]

Want It With You (M)

Pairing: Johnny x OC

Genre: Harry Potter AU, Friends to Lovers AU, Smut, Fluff

Summary: Johnny is a sweet and caring Hufflepuff Prefect that has a way with animals and wants to be a Magizoologist. Alomena is a Slytherin who would rather spend her time in the library and in the greenhouses taking care of plants and helping them grow. They were an unlikely pair that everyone thought was strange but they were brought together by their half muggle blood. A secret room in the upper levels of the castle gives them privacy to hang out and forget about the stresses of school life. But after Alomena has a rather...interesting dream about Johnny she realizes that maybe they're more than just friends.

Warnings: brief talks about death

Features: Sweet/soft sex, shy and awkward moments, oral, fingering, riding, a bit of nipple play, a lot of caressing and kissing,

Word Count: 8.6k

A/N: This was for a smut prompt request (please dont request more at this time). the following prompts were requested.  53. we’re not just friends and you fucking know it, 55. what? does that feel good?, 57. if we get caught i’m blaming you.” 58. we have to be quiet,  59. tell me again, 60, you have no idea how much i want you, 61. say it. 62. if you dont like my teasing then why are you moaning, 67. i really want to kiss you right now. 82. friends dont do this kind of shit!

A/N pt 2: WE GON PRETEND HOGWARTS A COLLEGE BC I DONT DO THAT H.S. AU SHIT. Johnny and Alomena are both 21+ and also this time line is in present day rather than the late 80′s/90s of the original story. Alomena is a Herbology major, Johnny is in Care for Magical Creatures. Also i feel like this sucks??

My Masterlist 

Request Masterlist

I was holed up in the library as usual, studying my life away. I didn't mind it all too much. Learning new things was my favorite past time and I loved to expand my mind and drink in information. I also particularly devoted to reading about plants; their uses, their poisons, and what potions they could make. It came with being a herbology major after all. I scribbled my quill pen against the piece of parchment that I had jotted several paragraphs worth of notes onto. It was at times like these that I wished I could go back home and be reunited with my laptop. The wizarding world thought so little of muggle technological advances but typing on a keyboard was way less annoying and definitely faster than having to dip a pen in ink every three seconds. I did miss the muggle world; it was hard being half muggle, half wizard. From the judgment, to the prejudice, to the feeling like I was in the stone age, it made me homesick more often than not. I typically tried not to get too much into my feelings about missing home but some days were harder than others. I flipped the page of the thick text book I was reading and sighed deeply, getting ready for another chapter. Just then I felt fingers jab at my sides making me sit up straight.

"Gotcha!" 

I looked up at the tall figure hovering behind my chair and rolled my eyes. "Johnny, be quiet! This is a library." Johnny was my best friend, you could say. He, too, was half muggle, half wizard and we had somehow bonded together during our first few years at Hogwarts. He had been a complete failure at herbology and took it upon himself to greet me so loudly and passionately that it scared my introverted being to the core. He then begged and pleaded, almost groveling on his knees, for me to help him pass the class. I found him utterly annoying and I knew right off the bat that he was a damn Hufflepuff. They were my second least favorite house, Gryffindor being the first. Some would say that was very stereotypical of a Slytherin but I wasn't one to frolic with energetic people. Johnny however was the exception and I had developed the biggest soft spot for him.

"Aw c'mon, weren't you at least a little scared?" He pulled out the chair beside me and plopped down, giving me a big cheesy grin.

"You know nothing trivial like that scares me so I don't know why you even try. Aren't you supposed to be off doing prefect things with the children?" I glanced down at the badge that gave him more responsibilities than most students here. Usually, he had to tend to the younger students that were just joining Hogwarts and be their mentor. He had a certain following and they seemed to enjoy his presence, taking to his bright personality quickly. The female students most certainly took to him too. He was the talk of the halls and it didn't matter what house they were in, every girl found Johnny to be utterly charming. I admitted to myself a long time ago that I did find him attractive and that his awkward laugh made me crack a smile every so often. I enjoyed his height and the comforting hugs he gave that warmed my body perfectly. And I especially enjoyed the time we spent in our secret room.

Our secret room was a small closet tucked away in a hallways on a floor that seemed deserted. The level was closer to the roof of the castle and barely a soul traveled through. We had no idea what it the room was for or why it was there. There hadn’t been any protection or disguise spells when we had first encountered it and it wasn’t an entrance to a secret passageway. It was just...there. There was a lone window that gave view to the quidditch practice field. I took no interest in watching the players but Johnny did every once in awhile. His other best friend, Jaehyun, was captain of Gryffindor’s house team and Johnny was his number one supporter. Other than watching Jaehyun practice, Johnny and I spent many nights curled up in the blanket fort we had created, projecting movies from our cell phones which we cherished so much. That was also a secret of ours, never revealed to the other students that were forced to live in the past. Those nights made me feel a little less homesick and like I wasn't alone.

"Nah, not until later on during patrols. I'm free right now and if you're not too busy shoving your nose in some musty old books we could," He lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. "Sneak away."

I perked up a bit at the idea. "How are we going to get up there without anyone noticing? Usually we go at night."

"We've gone a few times during the day, it's not that hard. Take a break and come with me."

He was a pro at convincing me to do things with him. I closed the textbook and used my wand to return it to its proper home. I gathered up my writing supplies and looked around, taking caution to monitor that no one would catch onto our plan. "Let me put this in my room and I will meet you up there, ok?"

He kissed my cheek and got up from the chair. "Awesome! I'll see you there." He left the library, only tripping slightly on nothing but air in his usual clumsy fashion. I made my way to the Slytherin door, saying my password to the painting and sliding through. I had to face my biggest enemy-the common room- just to get to my bed which was the furthest away in the girls dorm area. I always had to dodge around students that were hanging out to avoid socializing at all costs. I was deemed as an outcast, even in my own house. It never felt that I was quite welcomed so i busied myself in the library and the greenhouses. Plants made me the most happy. They didn't (usually) talk back to you, though they were great listeners. Taking to plants also put a scarlet letter on my back as the “house crazy” but that didn’t matter. Communicating with plants was important to me, another form of escapism and a way of honing my craft.

I dumped my supplies off and exited the space with some curious stares coming my way but I was mostly ignored. Bit by sneaky bit, I traversed to the secret room, looking over my shoulder in constant fear of getting caught. I managed to get there unnoticed and shuffled my way through the door, shutting it gently behind me. “I’m here.” I said, sighing a breath of relief. Johnny was already laying down in our blanket fort, robe and sweater vest tossed aside with his sleeves rolled to his elbows. He was reclined against the pillows with his hands behind his head as he smiled at me. “Come here, we have some episodes to catch up on.” He patted the space beside him and i sunk down onto the pile of blankets, smoothing out my skirt as i laid down. He removed his cell phone from his pocket and loaded up our favorite tv app. He used his wand to help project the show in front of us, giving us a better view. I settled against him, resting my head on his shoulder and holding onto his wrist. Occasionally, we held hands but lately that simple motion was making my heart palpitate and my stomach quiver with anxiety. I settled for his wrist as it helped me feel a bit more secure with my emotions. Hours passed so calmly that I somehow managed to fall asleep during our fourth or fifth episode. 

The dream I had was so vivid that it was frightening. Johnny had been on top of me, naked and looking into my eyes with a sweet smile on his face. He was thrusting into me, slowly and gently, cooing sweet words into my ear and running his hands all over my body. I held onto his strong arms, gasping and moaning every time a jolt of pleasure wracked through me. He was stunning and glowing in the candle lit area of our room. His lips morphed into his own moans that were like baritone notes in a symphony of pleasure. He was perfect in every way and I hated it. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to dream about my best friend like this. It was improper and way past weird. But my mind continued, ignoring my rational will to halt the lust filled thoughts. His lips were on me then, full, warm, with a feeling akin to the happiest memory I had. He was so full of love which only added onto me fear. My heart skipped beats and drove me to never want to leave from my place beneath him. I wanted to stay in my dream forever.

“Mena!” I heard my nickname in the midst of my dream and snapped up, gasping deeply. The room had darkened as it was now nighttime but Johnny had apparated a few candles to illuminate the space. I saw his face, half casted in shadows of the flames as he looked at me with concern. “You were making kind of weird noises in your sleep. Are you okay? Was it a nightmare?”

My whole face flushed and I couldn't bear to face him. I panicked and quickly scrambled to my feet. “I-I have to go. I-I’m sorry, Johnny!” I grabbed onto the door handle and ran as fast as I could, not even daring to look back at him. I heard him calling out to me but I didn’t stop until i made it back to my dorm. I threw myself onto my bed and stared up at the draped canopy as i tried to get my heart to stop racing. What the hell was that? How could i think about Johnny in that way? I had never thought of anyone like that before. It was completely out of left field. I covered my face that felt like it was burning, wanting to scream my lungs out. What was I going to do now? Had I been moaning in my sleep? Did he suspect anything? My mind was a jumbled mess and i figured a hot shower and some rest would solve it. I closed the canopy curtains so i could undress and felt the recognizable feeling of wetness on my panties. Oh come on! I ripped off my underwear, almost falling onto my face in the process, and slammed them onto my bed. This was not going to happen. Not now and not ever. I pulled on my robe along with my slippers then grabbed my shower caddy. I was determined to wash away this embarrassing dream from my mind completely.

Except I couldn’t. With the emptiness of the bathrooms and the cover of the water pouring onto the tiled floor, I dug my fingers into myself, panting as i tried to recreate how full and thick Dream Johnny felt inside me. Not only did I have a wet dream about my best friend but now I was touching myself to thoughts of him too. What was I thinking? Well, right now, I was thinking of getting off as fast as I could and furiously rubbing my clit to get me there before anyone caught me. I remembered the peaceful face he made while he was inside me, gently biting his lip with eyes closed, eyelashes dusting the tops of his cheeks, and the sounds he made. It had been right in our blanket fort, making it so much more special. It was intimate and everything I had ever wanted to experience. It felt like it made up for the few encounters I had with other men that left me unsatisfied and unimpressed. But Johnny was different. He cared about me and per my dream, I knew he was devoted to making me feel good. I know I would want to pleasure him as much as possible too. Anything to hear his deep groans in reality.

When I came I had to brace myself against the shower wall to try and stay propped up on my shaky legs. My head was now under the stream of water, dousing my curls and making them cling to my face. It snapped me out of my lustful vision and made me realize that I needed to get it together. I held my dirty fingers under the water, washing away the cum and telling myself that this was just a one time incident. No more, no less.

--

It was difficult but I hadn’t seen Johnny for a few days, mostly because I was still too embarrassed to face him but also because he was suddenly getting more busy with his responsibilities. I missed him dearly but I felt like I had no idea how to approach him anymore without visualizing him naked and on top of me. I spent my time doing what i did best-avoiding people in the greenhouse. I was  wrist deep in dragon dung as I worked to repot some Venomous Tentacula. I was all alone in the greenhouse, just the way i liked it. I was free to hum a tune I created in my head while I looked over the plant, making sure it liked it's new home. "Hopefully you'll grow a little bit better here. You hated that terribly dry spot in the corner, didn't you? I know, sweetie." Even the most fussy and volatile plant could calm down under my voice.

"Talking to plants again, huh Ms. Crowley?"

I looked in the direction of the voice and saw Johnny walking towards me with his hands behind his back. I stood up straight as my heartbeat quickened. I wasn't expecting him to show up but it was a habit of his to come unannounced.

"U-um what do you want?"

"To give you my peace offering." He held out a small packet of fluxweed seeds. "It's not special but I know you love making healing potions."

I set my dragon hide gloves down on the table and removed my apron. I took the seed packet and looked up at him. "What do you mean by peace offering?"

"Well the last time we were together I figured I did something wrong with the way you ran out so fast. You haven't talked to me since soooo...here I am."

"Oh….nothing was your fault." I suddenly felt like an idiot for making him think I was mad at him. I just needed time and space to get my head on straight but one look into his honey colored eyes and i was instantly transported back into juvenile thoughts of romanticism. "I'm not mad, I promise."

"Sweet! I was seriously worried for a second. But now that that’s over with, can I interest you in a date?"

"W-what?!" I dropped the seeds instantly and fumbled to catch them. Johnny managed to get them when I failed and chuckled.

"I meant do you want to hang out? I’ve missed you so much.”

I tucked a few curls behind my ear and stared down at my dirt covered uniform shoes. “U-um...that sounds good. D-Do you want to meet in our room?”

“Actually, i was thinking we could be a little bit more adventurous.” He said with a mischievous smirk.

“Oh? What do you mean?”

“The Forbidden Forest.”

That certainly peaked my interest. I was a fan of the flora while Johnny was a fan of the fauna. Being a future Magizoologist, he was always eager to discover what creatures hid within the forest and which ones he could make friends with. He thought all creatures were cute no matter what they looked like and he had the ability to tame the wildest beasts in a heartbeat. We were similar in that fact. Passionate and with a certain knack for handling what most people wanted to stay away from. Though of course the forest was obviously forbidden sneaking in was all part of the fun. I smiled and nodded in agreement. “Let’s do it.”

“Ok, meet me there when the moon’s the fullest. I’ll leave you some signals so you’ll know where I’m at.” He kissed my forehead and gave my arm a little squeeze. “I’ll catch you later, ok? I told Jaehyun I would watch him practice today.”

“Did you mean get annoyed at the crowd of girls that scream every time he pushes back his hair?” Or squeal when you sit in the stands? I thought bitterly.

He chuckled. “Yeah. it’s not my favorite thing to do but he’s my friend and he needs me.”

“Have fun dealing with your bleeding eardrums. I’ll see you later.”

He gave me another one of his signature smiles and zipped out of the greenhouse, leaving me to clutch the little packet of seeds to my chest. It was just hanging out, like we always did. Nothing special. I just had to keep telling myself that. I set the seeds on the desk, sighing deeply as I slipped my gloves back on. Getting back to work was the best way to keep my mind occupied and away from all thoughts surrounding Johnny.

After a few hours in the greenhouse, i went back to the dorm to shower so I didn’t smell like soil and poisonous flowers. As i finished dressing in a warm green sweater and black leggings, i stared out the dorm window. The moon was hiding behind a few sparse clouds but it was full and heavy, beaming a perfect cast of light over the castle grounds. I bit my lip wondering if it was the right time to leave. It was driving me crazy just waiting. I got up and tucked my wand in the band of my leggings and crept through to dorm, trying to make as little noise as possible. With how much I crept around I might have as well been a burglar or a spy. I knew the paintings would try and rat me out and possibly the castle ghosts as well so I tried to take the path with the least possible amount of snitches.

Once I hit the castle grounds I decided to play it a bit safer and use a Disillusionment Charm to blend into my surroundings. It was way past curfew and I couldn't risk any repercussions for leaving the dorm, especially to go to the Forbidden Forest. My eyes caught sight of a tiny Bowtruckle that beckoned me to follow it. It must have been Johnny's "sign". I kept a few steps behind it, afraid that I might crush it. It finally lead me to a small clearing where I saw Johnny petting a giant Thestral. I fell back, shocked that such a creature would be within the forest and also because...I could see it-Johnny could see it. Thestrals only revealed themselves to people who had faced death and accepted it. It hurt my heart to realize he had gone through pain and anguish but he seemed so comfortable with the extremely rare creature, even placing a kiss on its skeletal nose.

I use Revealio to uncast my Disillusionment Charm and slowly got to my feet. If Thestrals didn't find a person worthy or a non threat they would attack in an instant and I certainly did not want to die today. "Johnny!" I whispered harshly. The Bowtruckle ran to him and tugged on his robes before crawling up to his shoulder. He turned towards me a gave me a warm smile. 

"Come here." He beckoned. "She won't hurt you."

"How do you know that for sure?! Thestrals are-"

"Loyal, kind, and are very helpful. She trusts me and I trust her. Just like you speak to plants, I speak to creatures and she definitely understands that you're no threat. So come over here " He extended his large hand out to me and I tiptoed towards him, avoiding eye contact with the bat winged creature. Johnny took my hand and gently set it on the bridge of the Thestral’s nose. "There you go. See? She's not so bad."

He was right. In fact the creature seemed to enjoy the attention and bucked its nose towards me, brushing against my cheek. I chuckled nervously and continued to pet her, flinching when she outstretched her wings. They were way bigger than I anticipated and still intimidating. Johnny held onto my waist when i took a step back and swallowed hard. “Do you want to go for a ride?”

“What? Like...on her?! I thought it was illegal to ride them? We’ll get in trouble with the ministry!”

“Don’t be such a goody two shoes! Besides, we can’t fly but we can ride it like a normal horse, that way we don’t get caught. Here, I’ll help you up.” Johnny grabbed a hold of me as if I was a mere toddler and he was unaffected by my weight. He set me on the back of the Thestral before getting on himself and grabbing onto the mane. She started trotting slowly and i could feel every movement of bone beneath me which was a strange sensation. I gripped onto Johnny tightly, burying my face in his back. I didn’t want to seem like a scaredy cat but I also couldnt help it. “So...what happened?” He asked as he steered us through the winding trees.

“What do you mean?”

“You can see the Thestral which means...you know. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but i thought I’d ask…”

“Oh…” I realized he was talking about me seeing death first hand and thus removing the creatures invisibility. “It was my sister. She was hit by a drunk driver and at first I was scared of seeing her body at the funeral. It was hard to accept that she was gone. I was only 6 and barely understood death back then. Everyone in my family kept telling me she was asleep but I knew she wasn’t just asleep. Eventually as I grew older, I found out more about the circumstances of her death. I was mad at my family for lying to me. I started visiting her grave soon after and I talked to her every time. It seemed like the flowers and grass around her grave began to grow when i spoke. That’s when I kind of knew I wanted to be in Herbology when I got here.”

He nodded solemnly and sighed. “I understand completely. I lost my mom when I was about 12. I delayed my studies here because I didn’t want to leave the muggle world. I felt like I would be letting go of the memories I had with her if I did. But I knew she would want me to experience this side of myself. That’s when I eventually asked if I could be accepted as a student.”

“I would have never imagined you had gone through something like that. You’re always so cheerful and happy. Everyone loves you.” I said softly.

He scoffed. “Yeah, well...it’s not always easy to pretend, but I do. I mean, don’t get me wrong, there are times when I’m genuinely happy and enjoying my life but there are also time where I dont want to be here and would rather be home. That’s when I hang out with you because you understand how i feel. I really enjoy when we’re together...like a lot.”

I squeezed myself to him tighter and was grateful that he couldnt see my blushing cheeks. My brain was swirling with a culmination of thoughts and feelings. I had finally come to accept the fact that my feelings were past that of friendship. I was starting to fall in love with him after seeing him in a new light. But i knew I was just a companion to him. He saw me as a place of comfort, not as a lover. I had to accept that sooner rather than later. After all, I really didn’t want to ruin our friendship with awkward revelations and confessions. We had a moment of silence between us and I could only hear the echoing of the plants and nightly creatures that surrounded us. We were getting further away from the moonlight too and the forest was becoming increasingly darker.

“I’m going to turn back now. I have to do another round of patrolling soon anyway.” He said.

“Ah, ok. I understand. I actually liked this. Even if I thought she was going to kill me."

"Nah, never. They're gentle and even though I can see and talk to her, they train all the Thestrals here so I'm not actually that special."

"Of course you are, Johnny. You have a way with her that no one else does. You're incredibly special." I straightened my spine so I could rest my chin on his shoulder and kiss his cheek but I missed as he turned his head in the opposite direction to guide the Thestral. Instead, my lips pressed against the warmth of his neck, making all three of us jump up. The Thestral squaked and reared herself up almost throwing Johnny and I off.

"Whoa girl! Calm down! I'm sorry I pulled your mane! It was an accident!" He pet her wings that were now extended and flapping, whipping up dangerous winds before lowering himself to rub her neck. "Ssshhhhh, I've got you. It's ok."

I held onto Johnny tighter so I wouldn't fall off and soon enough she settled down until all four hooves were on the ground. "I-im sorry. I-i didn't mean to um…"

He said nothing, only clicked his tongue as a signal to get her to turn in directions he wanted. I was astronomically embarrassed and had no idea what to say. I joined him in silence again until we reached the entrance of the forest. He helped me down and we said goodbye to the Thestral. I actually hoped I could see her again. "Do you need to be walked back to the castle or will you make it there by yourself?" He glanced down at his watch and shut off the beeping alarm that had begun to sound. He was going to be late for patrol.

"No, no. Don't worry. I'll be fine. Besides the night is nice. I wouldn't mind the sneaky stroll back." I laughed.

"Ok, cool. Thanks Mena! I'll see you around!" Without another word he apparated himself to get into the castle as he would have far less repercussions than I would have if I showed up in my dorm instantly. There wasn’t another word of the kiss incident so I figured we both put it behind us...hopefully. When I finally made it to my room safely I set my wand on my bedside table, closed my canopy, and discarded my clothes for my pajamas. Staring up at the canopied ceiling I couldn't help the gushing smile on my lips. If I thought about it, the whole thing with Johnny was a little romantic. Basically an evening horse ride though a private forest with no one else around. Was it actually a date? He had said so before in the greenhouse but quickly changed it to "hang out".

No Alomena. Friends don't do this kind of shit! They don't think about each other in that way. We are strictly friends! However, tonight was the second night that I touched myself to thoughts of him.

--

We had somehow began to spend more time together, if that were even possible. Our secret room was frequented so much that we added more pillows, candles, and blankets to our sacred space. We even managed to transfer some muggle electronics into the room; a tv and old video game set up for optimal entertainment. Rainy days were spent with me reading a textbook and Johnny sleeping on my lap, my hand running through his hair. It was serene and utterly perfect but I was digging my own grave. The longer we spent time together the more I found myself have sweet dreams (and not so sweet dreams) about him. I dreamt of his lips on mine, my hand being overwhelmed by his, my head against his chest, hearing his awkward little laugh as the result of something I said. I had it way too bad.

I had been planning, for weeks now, on ways to tell him. So much so that I could barely concentrate on anything else. I was distracted in classes and even lost a house point or two for messing up during lessons (which was bullshit by the way). It was eating me alive and I would rather have my body turn frigid and soulless by a Death Eater at this point. There was a night where I couldn't sleep at all. I felt sick to my stomach and my chest burned. I kept playing flashes of possible rejection and destruction of our friendship in my mind. I was scared shitless but it had to be done. I was over feeling like this. I prayed that I wouldn't lose my best friend. I was getting ready to text Johnny to see if he could meet me at our room but he beat me to the punch which surprised me. We had the same idea. He most likely wanted to hang out, which made me even more nervous and sick. Nonetheless, I got up from bed and pulled on my comfy sweater over my pajama tank top and shorts and began my creep crawling to the upper levels.

When I arrived at the door of our room, things seemed way to quiet. “Johnny? Are you here?” I whispered against the door. Suddenly it opened and he pulled me inside, setting me against the back of it. His hands were above either side of my shoulders, pinning me between him and the heavy wood.

“We have to be quiet. If we get caught I’m blaming you.” He hissed.

“Get caught? Why would we get caught? What’s going on?” He was making me more anxious than I already was. I watched as his adam’s apple bobbed with a heavy swallow that was followed up by a sigh.

“Look, I have to tell you something. Something important and I dont know how you’re going to react.”

“You’re freaking me out. Please just tell me. I can’t really take it tonight. I’ve been feeling weird all day.”

“Me too.” He agreed. “I can’t...I can’t...God, I just...I really want to kiss you right now.”

I was stunned and couldn’t move. My entire body felt a heavy fire wash over me and my thought processing shut down. He...he had been feeling the same thing I was? I had been too nervous to tell him and too afraid of losing our friendship but here he was wanting to kiss me? “But J-Johnny...we’re friends and I don’t-”

“We’re not just fucking friends and you know it! I know you feel something for me too. It’s been happening for weeks now. Tell me you feel the same way, Alomena. Say it.”

I swallowed hard and avoided his eyes. “I don’t want it to ruin our friendship. What if something goes wrong? It’s whats been keeping me away from you all this time. I don’t want to lose what we have, Johnny. I dont want to ruin the good memories we’ve made. Besides, you’re more outgoing. You can have any girl you want.”

“Alomena, you have no idea how much I want you. You and only you. I feel the most comfortable with you. We have a connection and I know it’s scary to jump into a relationship but I don’t think our friendship would be ruined. I trust you…” He let his hands slip from above my shoulders to rest on my hips. He pressed his forehead against mine and breathed softly against my lips. “Tell me you want me too. Please.”

“I do, Johnny. I do.” I finally confessed. It felt like a car had been lifted off my chest and I could finally breathe again. I wasn’t scared anymore. In fact, I was so happy. Happier than I ever imagined I could be. My best friend was now the love of my life and wanted to be with me. I reached up to cup his face in my hands and closed my eyes. “Kiss me.” I whispered.

He didn’t hesitate. Not one second. The moment his lips were on mine, our bodies were crushed together against the door. He was overwhelming me in the best way, covering me with heat and desire. I moved my hands down to his chest smoothing over the school uniform he still wore. He had probably just finished his patrols right before he texted but I did find it a bit naughty that he was fulfilling the age old school fantasy in a way. I felt his tongue pry at my lips then, catching me off guard as to how much he filled my mouth. He became curious about my body and no longer kept his hands on the safety of my hips. He was diving beneath my sweater and tank top, his slightly calloused skin flush against me and closing in on my breasts. I pushed him away then, crossing my arms protectively over my chest as he took a step back. "Johnny!"

"O-oh...I thought maybe you would want to...i-im sorry. I wasn't thinking." He hung his head low and fussed with his hair nervously. 

"No, I'm sorry. I just...it was a lot at once."

"It's ok! It's ok! I don't mind waiting. I'm fine!"

I made my way over to the blanket pile and sat down, looking up at him. "Maybe we could go a bit slower?" 

His eyes widened and he nodded eagerly. "Yes. Yeah. Sure. Absolutely."

I giggled at his dorkiness and grabbed his hand, pulling him down beside me. "Do you think it's gonna be weird? Seeing each other naked for the first time?"

Johnny shook his head. "No. I've been dreaming about this." He quickly covered his mouth. "I mean not in a creepy way! I just- it so happened that-!" 

I pressed my finger to his lips. "I've dreamt about it too and maybe did some things I wasn't supposed to do."

"Like um…" His fingers danced across the smooth skin of my thigh before resting between them. "Here?"

I nodded and nibbled on my lip. "It's embarrassing to say now."

"No, please. Don't be embarrassed. I find it...incredibly sexy. I'm honored " He laughed.

I grabbed onto his tie gently and pulled him closer. "Have you done it to thoughts of me?"

"Oh totally. All the time. You are super hot in your uniform skirt."

"Johnny!!" I hit him playfully.

"Well it's true! I can't help it! I think your gorgeous. Is it okay if I see you now? You know without ...clothes."

Now it was my turn to duck my head. "You first." I said, hoping he would stall but he was way more confident than I was. His tie was cast aside then his button up and tank top underneath. My breath stayed trapped in my lungs when I saw him and I whipped around, trying to calm myself. I had no idea that he would have such a toned stomach and solid biceps like that. When the hell did he find time to work out?!

"Mena? Should I stop?" He asked, concerned.

No no no. Don't stop. Don't stop, please. But also if he looked like that up top what the hell did he look like down below? "U-uh, it's fine I just didn't think you would look like that is all."

"Look like what?"

“Like...all hot.” I cringed at my own awkwardness while Johnny just laughed and pushed me down gently. He propped himself up on his elbow and pushed my curls behind my ear.

“You can stop me at anytime you know that right? Even if I am really hot.”

I covered my face with both my hands and groaned. “Shut up!”

“Mena, you’re not a…”

“Oh god no. Just that, I haven’t really had any amazing experiences and it’s kind of lowered my expectations. No offense. Also it hasn’t happened in awhile…”

“Hmm,” He nodded. “Well then I just have to change that, don’t I?” He tucked his fingers under the waistband of my shorts and pulled them down, watching me for any signs of hesitation. My breaths were a little heavier but i diverted my eyes to avoid focusing on the way he was being so cautious with me. He wasn’t bombarding me or trying to get this over in a moments time. It was as if he wanted to drink in every ounce of me. He pushed my sweater towards my shoulders, nodding at me to help take it off. I tossed it beside us and instantly wanted to pull the blankets over me. “I didn’t think you would be this shy, especially around me.”

“I-i’m...just a little nervous is all.”

“Do you think i’ll hurt you or something?” His lips were now trailing from my knee and up my inner thigh in teasing kisses. He parted my legs gently and let his hand caress the skin of the other.

“Not at all! I don’t want to mess up either and make it not great for you.”

He popped his head up for a moment. “Don’t worry about me. I want you to relax.” He tugged on my panties and i lifted my hips an inch so he could pull them away. And there I was, bare and in front of my best friend that I had dreamt about for weeks. Now that the moment had actually come I had seized up with nerves but I was glad he was setting the pace. Lord knows I would have been the one fumbling around as if I were a Hufflepuff. He opened my legs wider so his broad shoulders could fit between them before adding a hesitant lick to my lower lips. My body jerked instantly and i gripped the blankets beside me. He settled his arm over my hips and prodded his tongue against me again, making lazy strokes and modest sucks. It felt...amazing. Such a simple act of taking the time to think about what I wanted made me flushed with eagerness. I tried to hide my giggle behind my hand but Johnny noticed.

“What? Does that feel good or…?”

I cupped the back of his head and smirked. “Very good. More Johnny.”

He had an excited smile before he dove back in with the strokes of his tongue, increasing speed. The tip would flick beneath my clit before sliding over it and taking it between his lips. He hummed around it which provided a tingling sensation that made me squirm. I bit onto my lip and tried to roll my hips beneath his anchored arm but he wouldn't let me budge. Over and over he tendered to the sweet area, occasionally dipping his tongue inside me and eliciting moans from deep within my chest. He was teasing me, I could feel it and was a squirming mess. "Johnnnyyyy," I whined. "Cut it out."

"Oh? You want me to stop?"

"Don't stop...that! But stop your teasing! It's annoying. I would like to get off at some point."

"if you dont like my teasing then why are you moaning?" He smirked.

I glared down at him, annoyed by his cockiness. "I'm gonna kill you."

He sucked his teeth and shook his head in disapproval. "Typical Slytherin. You're the one who said you wanted to go slow."

"Yeah but…" I pouted. "I didn't expect it to feel this good."

"I've got more planned, don't worry." He kissed above my clit then worked his lips over my stomach, nudging my tank top upwards like he had done with my sweater. I grabbed the hem and pulled it off before arching my back and pressing my chest towards him. He wrapped those daring lips around my nipple while his hand morphed over my other breast. Mewls were tumbling from my lips as I felt him press into me. He nudged his hips against my thigh and made the fullness of his uniform pants brush against the top. I worked my legs between his, settling myself against the center of his pants and making him groan deeply. "A-are you ok? Did I hurt you?"

He popped his lips off me and looked away. "Um...no actually. It feels…"

"I can touch you, um, if you want now."

"P-please?"

I nodded and wiggled out from under him. "Ok. I can do that." I pushed my hair back and reached for the zipper of his pants. "Is that all...like...you in there?"

He sat back on his elbows. "Well it's not my wand that's for sure."

I shoved at him playfully. "Stop! You jerk!"

He laughed and took my hand in his, kissing the back of it. "Is it...too much, you think?"

I unzipped his pants and wiggled them down, sucking in a breath when I saw how his boxer briefs clung to his form. "I hope not. My mouth is a little small so I hope I don't fuck up."

He shook his head and encouraged me to free him. I discard his underwear by his pants and lowered myself to the heavy heat between his thighs. I was nervous to say the least. He looked intimidating yet I was dangerously curious to have him inside me. I placed a few kitten licks to just his head, hearing him hiss softly. He laid back against the pillows and let me try to stuff his tip past my lips. It wasn't easy but he seemed to accept how my lips wrapped around him. Slowly, my tongue worked around the circumference, tracing ridges and sucking every so often. I broke my suction from him to drag my tongue up and down his shaft adding a bit of moisture so my hand could roam comfortably. He breathed out my name and dug his fingers into my hair when my thumb pressed into a particularly sensitive spot by his base.

It was my turn to smirk and tease him. I preferred to offer him strokes and lengthy licks rather than sucking on him completely. "Now who's being the tease?" He growled.

I shrugged and giggled. "Payback, Johnny." I sucked at the beads of precum that formed at his tip, not really enjoying the taste but being a bit satisfied at the way it coated my tongue. He guided my hand towards his balls, blushing as he would have rather showed me than say it. I lowered myself to them to grip them gently, adding pressure little by little so I would make sure not to hurt him. His stomach flexed along with his toes, curling tightly as his lips parted to groan. That sound was devilish and angelic at the same time. It made my heart flutter but I also knew it was pure sin and I yearned to hear more. I kissed his thigh before crawling up to his face. I planted a kiss on his lips and settled my wetness right over him. "I want to hear that sound coming from you all night."

He hiked my legs up high to his ribcage and moved his fingers behind me, stroking my slit and gathering the cum he left behind. "I'll trade you." He worked a single finger in and that was enough to make me bury my face in his neck. "Each one you give me I'll be sure to return the favor. How's that?"

I mewled softly and nodded, wiggling my hips back against his finger as I wanted more. My clit brushed over his shaft as I did so making both of us shyly moan out into the confined face. Soon enough another one of his slender fingers filled me, curling slightly and drawing more out of me. I cried out and gripped onto his free hand, entwining our fingers together so I felt like I had some stability. He bucked his thighs to work me forward so our lips could crash together again. Those kisses were going to damn me to hell with how addicting they were. He had a way with moving his full lips smoothly over mine and coaxing my tongue to meet his. Occasionally, he would give it a little suck which made a moan reverberate between us. "Do you...think you might be ready?" He asked during a small moment where we separated for air.

I looked down at him, searching his eyes for the gentleness and patience he always gave me. It was there, beneath his hormones running amok, and gave me that sense of comfort I had with him. I pushed his hair back and smiled, placing a quick kiss on him. "Yeah, I think I am. Oh, do you have a uh...um…"

"Oh! Ye-yeah. I kinda brought one with me just in case."

"You were planning on this from the start, weren't you?!" I pouted.

"I said just in case! I didn't know it was gonna turn out so well. But you're glad I have one, aren't you?" 

I rolled my eyes and scooted off him. "I guess so...jerk."

He chuckled as he tore into the wrapper before sliding the condom on. "C'mere, silly…" He worked himself over me this time, making me victim to reliving my dream and staring up at all his beauty. This was the moment I had thought about, that I touched myself too, that I craved. All of my churning feelings that had driven me crazy for weeks lead up to this and it was finally happening. I didn't know what to feel but it was definitely a culmination of excitement and need. My fingers wrapped around Johnny's strong biceps as he guided himself to my entrance. His eyes were flickering from his cock to my face, gauging if everything was still alright. I gave him an encouraging nod and he pressed against me, pushing through just a bit. 

I winced and dug my nails into his skin. He had to make miniscule thrusts before his head filled me completely and almost made my body collapse into the blankets. He shushed me gently, adding kisses everywhere and nuzzling my neck. He whispered sweet nothings to get me to relax and not focus so much on how he was stretching me further than I had been before. He knew it would be a bit uncomfortable for me and tried his best to take his time but I knew he needed that release as much as I did. "It's ok," I whispered in between kisses. "Please Johnny. Please."

He shifted his hips forwards adding inch by inch until he settled in as much as he could go. I felt a heavy warmth in the pit of my stomach and the sting of my body trying to accomodate, pulling me closer to him. He didn't move until I relaxed my lower half and sunk down more onto his shaft. By the way his brows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut I could tell that me wrapping around him was driving him insane. That first full thrust was enough to dive us into an abyss of never ending fever. His fluid movements became less and less overwhelming and more pleasurable to the point where I felt confident to roll him over and straddle his hips again.

"M-mena?" The look of surprise on his face was priceless. It was like his eyes didn't know where to even begin looking but was fixated on the way my body looked above him. I planted my hands on his chest and worked my hips in little circles, driving him deeper inside me. "Fuck, you look so gorgeous."

I flipped my hair over my shoulder and smirked at the boost of confidence he was giving me. I had to admit, taking control like this was enticing. Just as much as Johnny liked me on top of him, I loved the way he looked beneath me. He moaned louder as he tossed his head back against the pillow. His hands clutched at me, encouraging me to bounce rather than roll my hips. His own snapped against the back of my thighs to plunge deeper into my depths, making me feel all he had to offer. His moans shifted into haphazard breaths and growls that I never expected from him. I gripped his chin and pulled him into another heated kiss. He took the opportunity to force his hips harder, drawing out pathetic whimpers and whines.

I clenched tight as I felt an actual orgasm building inside me. It was the first time a man was helping me achieve it and it made Johnny seem like a damn godsend. That fact that he shifted his hand between us to massage my clit had me in love with him even more. That attention made my body shudder deeply and beg him not to stop. He chuckled as I got too loud and tried to shush me so I wouldn't draw any potential attention. I pressed the back of my hand to my mouth to silence myself as my body crackled with electricity. I wanted to scream out his name as my body caved in and shuttered with my harsh orgasm but I swallowed it down. I collapsed onto him in a heap of heavy breaths and he squeezed me into a bear hug. "I got you…" he said softly.

He always did. Always took care of me, even now during the first time we got together. He was perfect in every way. As I calmed down and enjoyed the way he rubbed my back, I came to the realization that he was still lying in wait inside me. I lifted my head from his chest and kissed him. "I want you to feel good too."

Johnny kissed my forehead lightly. "Would it be okay if I did it from behind? I kinda...like that."

"Of course. Whatever you need, Johnny." We shifted into the position, my back bowed deeply and face buried into a pillow that I clutched tightly. The sound of us crashing together had me blushing but the way he plowed rougher into me had my being rosy with ecstasy. I sunk my teeth into the pillow and fisted the case tighter, taking in the rougher side of my best friend that I had never seen before. This underlying secret turned me on even more and I willed him to keep going until my knees gave out and I couldn't walk. He pressed his chest into my back and reached out to grab both my hands, holding on tightly. My name was mixed in with staggered breaths and slightly deeper moans that showed him unraveling and seeping into the barrier that separated us.

I tried to keep us up but his weight and my weakening frame wasn't enough and we fell against our blanket nest. It was oddly comforting to be crushed beneath him though it was getting harder to breathe. "Johnny?"

"Hmm?" He hummed sleepily.

"You're crushing me."

"Oh! Sorry!" He pulled out gradually leaving a bit of my cum to flow out of me. I snapped my legs shut and curled up quickly, hoping he didn't notice. He discarded the condom beside us with a knot at the top to tend to later and spooned me tight, pulling the covers over us. "Are you comfortable staying here?"

"I'd rather be here than in the dorm with no privacy. I like our little spot."

He nodded against my hair and held onto my hand once more. "Maybe next time we can try to do it in the Forbidden Forest."

"Do you want to die??! What kind of proposition is that?!"

"I'm kidding! Kidding! But I wouldn't mind finding some other secret spots to call our own." I could already hear the smirk in his tone.

"Oh yeah, you're my boyfriend now and the pervert jumps out."

"Boyfriend?" He questioned.

I looked back at him. "Aren't we-?"

"Yeah but it just…" His cheeks flushed and he hid against my shoulder. "It's just nice hearing it finally."

I giggled and reached back to ruffle his hair. "Oh Johnny...you're such a hufflepuff." 

[gritsandbrits]

Sonic OC Bio

Name: Cameron Segana

Nicknames: Cam

Age: 15

Alignment: Good

Species: Human

Continuity: Mostly games but with several changes

Physical Appearance

- Medium to dark brown skin

- Light brown eyes

- Super curly black hair worn in a short afro

- thin green headband

- Tends to wear green, teal, and coral pink outfits

- SA outfit: green and white sweatpants and short sleeved shirt with sandals

- Single eyelash and almond shaped eyes

- No gloves (they make her hands sweat)

- Bead bracelets

- Seashell necklace

- Beige and green sandals with ankle straps and a slight wedge heel

- Is one of the shortest human characters (by Sonic standards) at just 4'3

Family

- Erin (cousin)

- Nathan (father, whereabouts unknown)

- Karyn (mother, whereabouts unknown)

- John (uncle and Erin's father, whereabouts unknown)

Friends

- Team Sonic

- Amy

- Cream

- Silver

- Blaze

- Big

- Team Chaotix (sometimes)

- Team Dark are more like acquaintances

- Luna and Darcelle (two OCs associated with Team Dark)

Enemies

- Dr. Eggman

- Mephiles and Iblis

- Deadly Six

- Infinite

- Metal Sonic

- Black Doom doesn't exist because I hate them more than Mephiles

Backstory

Originally from an idea I had for a Sonic X reboot, Cameron is a 15-year-old human girl who lives in a secluded cottage with her older cousin Erin. In SA1, she discovers Tails after his crash and nursed him back to health before returning him to Sonic. Because of the badniks invading her home she decides to join up with them to stop Eggman from taking over the city. Along the way she discovers a knack for archery and some clues pointing to the whereabouts of her parents and uncle, who went missing during an expedition to Soleanna a few years back.

Personality

- Shy at first

- Introverted

- Learns to let loose

- Blunt when it comes to her opinions

- Sometimes expresses low confidence at times

- Mellow and soft-spoken

- Plucky

- Claustrophobic

- Bit of a neat freak because she doesn't like to attract bugs

- Expresses a thirst for adventure

- Can be pretty steely when angered

Hobbies and Interests

- Photography

- Swimming

- Surfing

- Collecting seashells

- Pizza

- Root beer

- Onion rings

- Scrapbooking

- Skating

- Works part time at a diner

- Playing her flute and drums

- Archery (she feels like a badass and likes to collect arrows)

- Traveling

- Skinny dipping on a hot Summer's evening or for privacy (her most shameful secret!)

- The colors green and blue

- Lemonade

Pet Peeves and Least Favorite Things

- Pickles

- Badniks invading her island

- Humidity

- Cold temps and snow

- Being underestimated because she doesn't have powers

- Gross things like bugs and slime

- Overly bright colors like neon orange and green (they hurt her eyes)

- Stubbing her toe

- People telling her that her parents and uncle won't come back

- Losing hope

- Closed up spaces

- Her camera malfunctioning

- Spoiled entitled behavior

Powers and Abilities

- Bow and arrow are her main weapons

- Hand to hand combat

- Athleticism

- Power Ups

- Hold her breath for extended periods of time (helping when in water levels; still need air bubbles)

- She can even weaponize her camera by turning the flash up bright to blind enemies

- Not the fastest nor strongest but has a healthy balance to keep up

- Learns to use Extreme Gear

Misc

- Cameron's surname is a reference to SEGA

- Her official ethnicity is African American but for the sake of my sanity her race will not be brought up constantly because I'm not here to earn social justice brownie points

- Cameron wears blue, green and oranges because I noticed how Sonic females tend to wear pink, purple and red and wanted her style to fit the games since there's not a female character yet who's associated with other colors besides those three

- A lot of people think that Cam and Erin aren't related because they look very different (Erin is a light-skinned redhead), which sometimes annoys her

- Out of the characters Cam has the most costume changes as she wears bathing suits, coats and winter gear, and other outfits depending on zone; she even begins carrying a bag to hold her outfits in

- She has a more mellow, humble personality to make her stand out from the other hammy, prideful and vibrant characters

- Cam documents her adventures through scrapbooking

- Her ultimate goal in the series is to find out what really happened to her family. This will eventually be resolved in Sonic 06 (spoilers: there's a happy ending)

- Also, Cameron and Sonic will be a couple but as always for my canon/OC ships, it's going to be a slow burn. Also I might tag as trigger warning for interspecies since some people still haven't got over SonElise.

- In SA1, Cameron received arrows with powers based on the stage. So for example, in Ice Cap she gets ice arrows, in Red Mountain fire arrows, Windy Valley has wind and leaves arrows, and Emerald Coast has her default arrows

- She doesn't have an ability type because I think it's outdated by now and limits potential

- I based her color scheme on the concept of Chromatic Arrangement. Sonic = blue, Tails = yellow, Knuckles = red, so it would make sense for another major character to be green (I don't count Jet and Vector). In SA Amy and Big round it out as "pink" and "purple."

- I guess Cam could technically count as a superhero even though she doesn't have the credentials of one (i.e costume, secret identity, edgy 90s redesign and bad Rob Liefield art)

- I based her SA/default costume from the styles that were popular in the late 90s and early 2000s since that's the era when the games came out

- Cam and Erin splits the bills, which is why they both have jobs since their parents aren't around. They end up getting rewarded money (SA2 by the president) which they then save up to go to Soleanna

- Cameron doesn't really consider Team Dark to be her friends, but she doesn't see them as enemies either

- She doesn't hate Amy either; she's more amused by Amy's worship for Sonic but does try to help her temper the obsession when it gets too much

- Cam eventually starts to see Tails and Knuckles as the brothers she never had, so she's protective of them; although her first impression of Knuckles was "Does he and Sonic fight every time they see each other?"

- I was inspired by Saphira24667's OC Saphira to make Cam and Sonic a couple because while I don't hate pairings like Sonally and Shadamy, I just want to do my own thing. Besides people will still find fault with it because it's canon/OC, so it's not like I have much to lose. No, I do not support beastiality but Sonic is at least sapient enough and people get away with Shadow/Maria.

- Originally my OC was going to be a Caucasian girl with long, wavy orange hair and a more "yoga instructor" design. Her names were also going to be Verna, Jade, Kelly, Celadon or Esmeralda, and her last name was going to be Greene. However I felt that having her be named after a shade of green and have a last name that literally is GREEN would be too much overkill so I changed her name and design. I also added more colors like blue and coral to give her a tropical aesthetic.

- Her theme in the SA games is Lauryn Hill's song "That Thing" which thankfully came out before SA was released in Japan (I tend to go extremely meta with my characters)

- One very old idea I had for her was for her to be a poodle with water powers to contrast her with Blaze; she's still associated with water though she doesn't have any powers

- Another old idea was for her to be a porcupine named Penny who had the power to control metal. The metal powers got carried over to my Shinkenger OC Ayane.

- I intended for Cam to be the total opposite of Chris Thorndyke as she actually has relatable problems, a character arc, and a likable and sympathetic personality.

- Cam weighs 121 pounds, so she has a canon weight compared to female Sonic characters

- In Sonic 06 Cam and Sonic becomes an official item (Amy will still be treated with dignity and respect as I hate ship wars)

- I have yet decided on what kind of power ups to give her

[tequilajones]

I need to vent

I'm having one of my depressive episodes and my dad said that I may have to take a year off school to get help (I'm working on a bachelor's degree and he's the only way I can afford college). It sounds like I might have to go to a psych ward, probably sometime in the summer or next year. I've been geeting therapy these past few months and I don't feel any changes in my mental health. I really don't want to go to a psych ward because the idea of someone constantly watching over me sounds like my worst nightmare. I can't waive over my wellbeing to anyone but I feel I might have to. I don't want to give up internet (I have a long distance relationship and lots of internet friends) and personal freedom.

The problem is that I suffer from general anxiety disorder and depression. Today I could barely move and just felt like shit. Snapping at my dad when he invited me over for dinner and then having to explain to him why I snapped made things worse.

He has no idea how this shit works. He got angry when I told him how I was feeling and how I could barely get out of bed. He thinks it's because I ate a cheeseburger for lunch and slept from 2am to 12:30pm and that I need to go on a diet/excercise as well as sleep from 11pm-7am instead in order to "cure" my depression. I may not know what triggered my depression today but I know for a fact my diet and sleep schedule had nothing to do it.

I was diagnosed in High School and when I moved upstate for school, I had a prescription for 50 mg of Zoloft. To be honest, I only felt a bit better on meds, not a whole lot.

When I transferred schools, I had to get a new doctor and I've seen him for 2 weeks now so I am still in the evaluation process.

I only see my therapist on Fridays so I have to wait to discuss with her what I should do. My dad wants significant change ASAP or I won't be going to college next semester. I guess I could try pretending that I'm all better now and hope I can fake it long enough to get a degree by time I'm 25. That's important for me. All I want is to be completely independant. Nothing else matters as much. In order for that I want to get my degree and work full time in the film industry ASAP. Ideally as a film producer, but as long as I can afford to move from NY to LA and live there without sacrificing too much, I'd be happy.

I am considering admitting myself though despite the fear. At least I wouldn't have to worry too much about classes and such but I'm scared college would look like a walk in the park compared to a psych ward.

For starters, I like my privacy. I am a trans man who's introverted. I NEED my own space. I live in a single dorm because of this. I could handle living with people if I had my own room. I've had roommates and even though they were good people, it felt like a breath of fresh air when they would leave for the weekend or have a late class. The idea of being monitored 24/7 makes me think of 1984 and it's a dystopian novel for a reason.

2, I need to access the internet and my phone. I'm not addicted, I just don't want to cut off contact with people in my life who I care deeply about but are miles away. My boyfriend lives in New Mexico and I live in New York. We can only see each other through social media and video calls. I doubt the psych ward would let me keep my phone or my laptop for this.

3, my only points of reference are One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (movie, idk what year), American Horror Story Asylum and various stories shared online (even the positive ones make my stomach drop).

4, I have a slight phobia of hospitals. My mom died of breast cancer in one and I want to avoid hospitals more than the average person.

5, I have been raised by a control freak father. It's been hell. I hate being told what to do. The idea of someone having complete control over me is my actual worst nightmare. The only thing keeping me sane now is when I CAN break and bend the rules. I want freedom more than anything else. Freedom from my controlling father, freedom from my mental illnesses and freedom from being a broke college kid.

6, I'm transgender. This is a whole other can of worms. Lot of people consider that a mental illness. I don't wanna be locked up because I'm a dude in a chick's body. Also I hate being forced to room with girls. I'm a feminist and I have lots of girl friends but it's kinda frustratint when I, a guy, has to share a room with a girl because we share the same type of genitalia. It's basically the estanlishment misgendering me and I hate it. So unless my roommate is also a trans guy, it could be awkward.

7, even if I voluntarily admit myself, I can't easily walk out. If the place turns out to be a hellhole, I might not be able to say "y'know what, fuck this, I'm outta here". Legally they could keep me there til the day I die, against my will. I'm gonna need a shit ton of trust if I choose to go through with this.

Those are the reasons why I DON'T WANT to go to a psych ward. But here are the reasons why I might HAVE TO.

1, I'm always stressed out. The only thing that helps is having hyperfixations on shit like kpop and/or video games (mainly assassin's creed).

2, I might have a mania problem. I've always been impulsive but this year, I've been going to 1 concert per month and as great as I feel about going to these concerts and having fun. In retrospect, I'm starting to think going to concerts every month to give me something to look forward to might not actually be healthy, not to mention expensive, especially when I make $11/hr at a job that's lately been giving me 4 hours per week shifts. Sure, my dad pays for most of my necessary expenses but I need to learn how to be frugal. And this isn't helping my already bad impulse-spending habit.

3, when I am having a depressed episode, I can barely get out of bed and it has caused problems for me that I want to prevent in the future. I already flunked out of one school because I was too depressed to go to classes, I can't afford to do the same here or when I start working full time. I gotta get this shit under control asap.

4, while I'm not suicidal (not as appealing when you believe in reincarnation), wanting to completely disappear from existence is still pretty shitty.

5, when it comes to mental health, I have no idea what the everloving fuck I'm doing. I want to get better and I AM going to therapy but it doesn't feel like it's enough. I need help. As much as I hate to admit it, I need help. I really do. I just don't know what else I can do to get better.

I know I made this to get it off my chest and help me rationalize all the thoughts going on in my head. But if you have any other ideas or advice/recommendations, please pm them to me. I'm actually scared.

[caroline-min-max]

Caught with his Pants Down

Caroline walks in on the twins in a compromising position. Are the rumors about them true?

Twice a week the twins tried to take Caroline out to help enhance her skills with a firearm. This wasn’t unusual and had become a part of their routine. Sometimes they missed due to being incarcerated, or rescheduled due to being needed for a job, but those instances were typically few and far between.

This time was special due to the unique circumstances. They’d wound up missing over a month’s worth of them thanks to Max getting shot by Two Face as he healed. Finally Caroline was convinced he’d come along far enough where he could start putting more stress on his shoulder. Max was relived because now he didn’t need to sneak around and worry about her yelling at him for doing something too strenuous.

It was also the the first time they’d go since they all started living together. No more picking Caroline up and dropping her off after. They’d all leave and return together, the three of them all happy about having the same place to call home now.

The three of them were changing into some old clothes before driving out to the abandoned farmland they used as their shooting range. In the bedroom the two of them shared Min and Max had just finished dressing when Min happened to notice what Max had put on.

“Hey!” Min exclaimed. “Not those pants!” he said as he pointed at them.

“Huh?” Max looked down at the brown slacks he’d put on. “Why not?”

“I just bought those! I don’t want them getting ruined!”

It wasn’t like they were hurting for money and couldn’t just buy more pants. Max also didn’t want to keep Caroline waiting. “They look like any of our other brown pants,” he dismissed.

“Miss White said they looked nice on me...” Min said, Caroline having been around when he’d tried them on. If not for that he wouldn’t have cared as much. “So take them off!” 

“Alright, alright...” Max relented. If it was that important to Min... He unbutton his fly and grabbed the zipper. “Uh-oh...” 

Min raised his eyebrow. “What?”

“The zipper’s stuck!” Max answered as he frantically tugged on it.

“Stop!” Min gasped. “You’re going to break it!”

Their rabbit eared boss had indeed been waiting on them and was starting to wonder what had been taking so long. As she neared their room she paused for a moment, cocking her head to the side when she heard the squabble. Had they gotten into a fight over something? What exactly did Min want Max to ‘take off’? Her ears were raised at attention now.

Normally Caroline would politely knock and wait to be welcomed inside. It may be her house but she respected their privacy and never entered the twins’ room without permission or a very good reason. 

As she raised her fist to knock, however, she heard surprised shouts and a loud creak from one of their mattresses. Max sounded the most distressed, causing Caroline to toss common courtesy aside and quickly open the door.

After the door swung open it was as if time stopped for a moment, Caroline’s ears going askew and eyes wide at what she saw. 

Oh, she’d heard the rumors and speculation about the twins. Despite not wanting to discuss or add fuel to the fire people had whisper their unsolicited thoughts on Min and Max’s possibly incestuous bonds.

The two of them were close; Caroline hadn’t doubted that. She actually envied just how comfortable the two were around each other some days. Exactly how far it went was none of her business. They were adults and could do as they pleased. 

She never thought she’d actually walk in on it. Bent over the bed was Max with his pants around his ankles and Min on top of him. The brothers had froze the moment they heard the door open but Min quickly stood up when he heard Caroline gasp. 

Min faced Caroline to see she’d almost turned purple from how embarrassed she was. The color even extended up her ears.

“I-I’m...” Caroline stammered, feeling lightheaded when she saw Max quickly pull up his pants to hide his pink boxers with white rabbits on them. 

“Miss White, it’s not-” Min began at the same time.

“I’m sorry!” Caroline finished before she ran away towards the front of the house.

“It’s not what you think!” Min called in a panic after her as he gave chase.

Max lagged behind as he struggled again with the zipper. He was having so much trouble Min had actually wanted to do it for him. Max had turned away, had a struggle with Min reaching around him, and they both fell forward when the zipper finally cooperated. It stuck again this time too for a moment, Max relieved when it finally went up. He quickly buttoned his pants before he followed Caroline and Min out of the room.

The speed advantage may have been Caroline’s but it did her no good in an enclosed space. She was going much too fast as she neared the end off the hallway, unable to turn quickly enough. She slammed into the wall, staggering backwards in a daze.

Min saw the whole thing, rushing forward just in case she started to fall. She’d hit the wall with an audible smack!, he almost surprised she hadn’t knocked herself out.

“Miss White, I-” Min began as she turned around, wanting to make sure she was alright just as Max caught up with them.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Caroline interrupted in a flustered panic, not even able to look at the twins. It seemed she hadn’t hurt herself too badly. “I should have knocked! I didn’t think what I heard was...! I mean...!” She grabbed her ears and tugged on them. Of all the things to walk in on! 

“Listen to me!” Min begged as he gently grabbed her shoulders to keep her from running away again. “You didn’t see what you thought you did!”

“Min wanted me to take these pants off and-” Max began.

“MAX!” Min looked back and shouted at him when Caroline buried her face in her hands upon hearing Max speak. He absolutely wasn’t helping. 

“Y-you d-don’t need to explain!” Caroline was actually slightly sweating and shaking now. She didn’t like public displays of affection of any sort, from any kind of couple, so seeing two brothers in the midst of a moment of passion was far too much. “I’m not... I’m not going to judge you two! I-if th-that’s what makes you b-both happy...”

“We like girls!” Min insisted desperately. “Miss White... Do you believe the rumors about us?” Although not always the brightest bulbs in the box he and Max were fully aware of them. They just chose to try and ignore it.

“Huh?” Caroline peered over her fingers taken aback by the hurt in Min’s eyes. 

“You’ve heard what people say about us, haven’t you?” Max asked.

“Yes...” Caroline admitted. “But I never thought anything of it until I saw... That...” She was getting flustered again. “I don’t need to know what you two do or don’t do behind closed doors! That’s why I never said anything!”

“Max and I don’t do stuff like that,” Min said firmly. “After mom died all we had was each other. The orphanage had too many kids so we slept in the same bed and shared the same clothes. When we turned eighteen they kicked us out and we were on the street.”

“When we couldn’t get jobs performing Min was the one who held up a gas station so we could eat,” Max remembered. “I was too scared. If I hadn’t stuck with him I probably would’ve starved or frozen to death.” It was his brother’s bravery that pushed him to start a life of crime as well. That way it wasn’t all on Min’s shoulders and they could protect each other. 

Max looked at his brother with admiration in his eyes, getting a smile back. Caroline could see clear as day the platonic fondness they had for one another now. She supposed experiences like what they had would give them a somewhat abnormally high comfort zone around one another.

“We’re sticking together for good,” Min continued. “We’ve had girlfriends but it’s never worked out because we’re more important to each other.”

“I was dumped by a girl I really liked when I wouldn’t move in with her,” Max said. “She lived too far away from where me and Min were and wouldn’t move closer. I realized I could go without seeing her but I need to see Min everyday.”

“Can you understand that?” Min asked doubtfully. He knew Caroline was listening but wasn’t sure if she was getting it at all. Caroline was an only child and a loaner. He’d never met a woman that was as introverted and reclusive as she was before.

Caroline took a moment to answer, unsure if she could. She’d been so alone her entire life she’d grown used to the solitude. She hadn’t had a “special” person she ached to see everyday. However... She realized the obvious was standing right in front of her face. “I... I think I can...” she answered hesitantly, then imagining what her home would be like if Min and Max were to leave. It made her chest hurt. “Yes!” she said more confidently. “I understand.”

“How...” Min began to ask skeptically but then quickly shut his mouth.

Thankfully Caroline didn’t find his doubtfulness offensive in the slightest. “Well...” she smiled slightly, although now her embarrassment lingered for a new reason. “It’s because I met both of you. I don’t think either of you understand just how foolish it was to come to me for help when Two Face shot Max. I like to think of myself as a loyal rabbit to those who’ve helped me but it would break my heart if either of you were to...” Her voice wavered. She couldn’t even finish.

“We trusted you, Miss white,” Max replied. “Even if you never wanted to see us again after that I knew you wouldn’t turn us over.” 

“We sure are glad it turned out like this, though!” Min added with a broad smile.

“Um, boys...” Caroline rubbed her arm self consciously. “As the White Rabbit I know I’m your boss, but as Caroline White... Well... I’m jealous of how close you two are. Do you... Think I could be a part of that at all? I know it’s asking a lot and I’m lucky enough the two of you want to be friends with a sourpuss like me...”

This took Min and Max completely by surprise. Although they knew they were considered friends they felt unsure about just how to act around Caroline outside of their criminal activities together. They were the White Rabbit’s henchmen now; that they knew. But they had wondered if they should always treat her like their boss or if they could relax and be more casual in her in home. It seemed to be the latter.

“Does that mean we’re your favorite people?” Max asked hopefully. “You like us even better than Jervis?”

“Er...” Caroline was reluctant to answer that. “Boys... I have a lot of respect for Mr. Tetch and he’s the one good person I had in my life before I became this. He’s special to me-”

“Oh...” Max’s shoulders drooped and Min frowned.

“-so don’t you dare tell him that you both are the two most important people in my life to hurt his feelings.”

The twins perked up at once, smiling radiantly at her. Caroline was welcome company. She always seemed happy to be with them and they had more fun when she was along. 

It had to have been hard for Caroline to admit that she was lonely. Every time she dropped her defenses around them it dawned on Min and Max just how small, delicate, and sad a part of her was. She did wants friends but hadn’t felt she could trust anyone until she met them.

Min and Max each held out a hand, Caroline not hesitating to rest hers’ in them. It was a stark contrast to how hesitant she’d been to accept Min’s when he wanted to help her out of the car the first time they’d met.

“I guess we’re a trio now, Max!” Min said with a grin.

“Guess so!” Max agreed.

“Yes!” Caroline was thrilled. “Anyway...” She withdrew her hands. Although she was happy she still needed an explanation. “What exactly WERE you two doing?” The explanation was too silly not to be true. Caroline had to stifle a giggle, Min getting irritated with his brother all over again for not cooperating. Max still blamed the pants themselves and Min’s inability to notice he’d bought a lousy pair.

Upon getting closure on that there was just one thing. “Max... Why do you have boxers like that?” Considering the pattern that was on them Caroline had to know.

“Huh?” Max had just thrown on a pair today. He hadn’t even noticed which ones he’d put on.

“...They’re pink with white bunnies.”

“OH!” THAT pair! Max blushed a little; of all the ones he could have been wearing on a day when Caroline would accidentally see him in his underwear... “They reminded me of you...” he admitted sheepishly, rubbing the side of his neck.

“Ah...” Caroline was sorry she asked. It would have almost been sweet if it hadn’t been a pair of boxers. “Well then...” With that awkwardness out of the way she felt they could resume their plans. “Shall we get going?”

“Sure!” both twins agreed.

“Max, go change pants!” Min ordered again. 

“But the zipper doesn’t even work on ‘em!” Max protested.

Caroline smirked, leaving the twins to finish arguing and taking a seat in the living room to wait. This might still take a little while longer.

[legisaskerator]

vent vent vent

buckle up bastards this is gonna be long as FUCK

holy fucking shit my life yhas been so goddamn hard recently and i’m not handling it well

first and foremost on my mind at this second is the fact that i am in so much fucking pain right now i do not know what to do. my EDS is acting up really really badly and i’m super bedridden right now. i took my last vicodin and i have no idea when i can get more, or how, and i have like nothing to help. i had to leave class today to weep in the fuckin bathroom because i can barely walk and even sitting up is a struggle. if i felt this sort of pain three years ago i would have likely considered doing something VERY rash to stop it and i’m amazed i’m still, almost functioning. i can barely think i’m in agony i want it to end

i’m so scared this is just the next turn that eds is taking. i know i wont ever get better but fuck, i dont want to need a mobility aid yet. i’m only fucking 22 i have to be a teacher!!! how can i fucking teach if i cant write on a board?? or maneuver around classrooms? how will i ever get a job? or even just. live in the house of my dreams. i wish there was some help for me because i am tired of ehlers danlos running my life. i am scared for my future. i cant imagine who i will become if this level of pain becomes my “normal”. someone move me to mass so i can get legal weed to try to numb myself

on the same path of injury, my mother recently injured herself very badly and was hospitalized for a little w hile. ended up needing surgery to put rods and screws and plates in her leg/ankle, and as a result, she’s not functioning for the next 12 weeks. i’m doing my best to help out aroudn the house and i’m filling in for her at work. she does advertising for a newspaper and brings the papers to subscribing businesses,, which i’m taking over now. at least i like driving?

i love my mom and i will do anythign to help her, but god it’s such a load on my shoulders. i’m  upset and frustrated because i’m strugtgling to balance my life around this sudden responsibility. it’s definitely not her i’m upset about, it’s not like she did this purposefully??? she needs the help and i am willing to give it. but i am also allowed to feel these emotions. i am upset at the /situation/. her boyf and my sister are barely helping and they’re neglectful and distant. i’m the only emotionally present one in the family and also (aside from mom) am the only nurturing, caring one in the household. i keep her from having panic attacks, i keep her anxiety down, i’m warm and i try so goddamn hard to make sure shes ok. but it’s exhausting. i’m keeping my family together it feels like, everythings crashing down and i’m the only “sane” one. which is sad because ive been a depressed wreck for weeks and have been working on scraping myself off the fucking pavement, trying to get out of the spiral. i’m scared that my mom relies so much on me. she tells me everything, things i don’t want to hear. relationship troubles primarily. i know i give great advice and am ~wise beyond my years~ (thanks trauma) but, that’s what her therapist is for. i’ve told her i wish she would, tell me less, because as her daughter it’s uncomfortable, and she always overreacts like “oh i’ll never tel you anything again if it’s so terrible then” and i end up feeling fucking awful, and it’s a nightmare. but if things keep going the way they are in their relationship (i’m not gonna spill deets because, privacy still) we might lose our house!!! and everything we’ve finally worked for!!

so i feel like, if i can’t fix this problem, it’ll be my fault our lives come crashing down.

i know that’s ridiculous. it’s not my job. 

but it still feels like it

i never feel like i’m doing enough. just in life in general. i’m not good enough i’m not working hard enough i just am not enough. i was very saturated with child prodigy shit when i was younger and that fucked up my psyche so much. it’s still thrown at me by my father, americas got talent and movies where the protag is a ~genius~. i hate it. ill never be that and i know that’s what my dad wants of me. i’m not the next bill gates i just want to be a teacher and live my life!!!! i don’t want to start a band and get famous!!!! i dont want to run a business!! i don’t want to revolutionize the world!! just let me please! follow my heart!!!!!! i can’t fucking stand it when he tries to tell me what to do with my life it makes me want to scream and wail and sjafkl; fd fjasfg;akldf

i can’t do this, man. 

i’m so alone. i’m sick of the slut life. i’ve been hoeing around for a year and it’s taking a massive toll on my self esteem and sanity. i’s a terrible coping mechanism and i’m very very not healthy about it. i only have sex when i’m heavily under the influence of something and use it as a way of getting attention, which is, awful. i often forgo protection because it’s ~inconvenient~ and the second a guy protests, i’ll cave because i ~live to please~ and don’t want to start shit. i can’t keep doing this. hooking up is the only time people ever touch me. i just want a fuckign hug sometimes

i keep seeing so many posts like “you can’t love another if you don’t love yoursel!” and “people aren’t your medicine” but what if??? they can be to an extent?? part of being uber depressed is self-isolation and i’m so, sick of it. i need some fucking comfort because right now i am suffering through my life alone and it’s so difficult. it’s not as easy as just, settling though. i’m picky with my lovers because?? i deserve someone good? everyone that’s been coming through my life like, has a fatal flaw that i just can’t do. like long term compatability is risked for me with that shit.like, too introverted, too emotionally distant, people who just aren’t smart, i can’t do it?? i just want someone who’s going to comfort me when i need it, who i can have a healthy debate with, and someone who respects my life choices and things i do. 

i’ve been talking to one guy recently who, i was hoping maybe could have been a potential. he’s super nice and considerate/respectful, hes HELLA smart, adores a bunch of the same stuff i’m into, we talk really well together, i feel comfortabgle around him, gotta say he’s hot as fuck too...and he just wants friends with benefits. I respect that. i was in a similar spot literally last semester, there was a pretty great guy but i just wasn’t in the right space for a relationship. so friends with benefits. i don’t blame this new guy for not wanting a relationship he has every right!! but oh god it hurts a little. i worry that it’s me, that i’m just a good pussy for him, or a convenient lay who’s down to clown like 99% of the time. he’s been talking to me less recently and i’m worried that he’s...done with me. idk if that’s true or if i’m just reading into it but i’m in a VERY vulnerable place right now in my life, and i really need someone by my side for it. i need the support and warmth. 

i wish my warmth would comfort me. i wish i could turn my nurturing attitude around and help myself. i wish i didn’t need smoene else for comfort. i’m a fuckin libra tho i live for romance

this guys’ great though. i hope he sticks around at least for a little bit longer. i want to learn more bout lovecraft.

my sluttiness is my biggest qualm with myself right now. it’s definitely a huge problem in my life, it’s actively causing me problems. my one friend (because, i have only one fucking friend i can actually talk to. that’s it i hAVE ONE i’m so goddamn l,onely) has been like, coaching me through making better decisions? i’m very impulsive and he’s got great advice and is quick to be like “then don’t” and shit. i’m trying really hard to make sure i dont use him as a therapist though, that’s unfair to him. i’m respectful and all that shit don’t worry bout htat. he’s a huge help to me and has been my absolute rock through college, idk where i’d be without him. he also introduced me to his friend group, who are all really amazing people? they welcomed me with open arms and no ones ever done that before. i’m always super outcasted cause i’m weird and i wont hide it because it’s ME goddamnit! but these people, they’re weird too, they’re freaks and outcasts and, while they’ve all been very close friends since they were wee tots, they still welcomed me in. they still wanted me to be part of them. i’m getting to know all of them still, but i’ve got hope that, maybe i’ve got some lifelong friends now. at the very least, i’m sure i’ve got one. 

onto phase 4 of my fuckin monologue i guess, topic SHIFT

my thesis is a mess and it’s due in three weeks, i’ve barely gotten anything done because my teacher is awful and i’m worried i’m gonna fail the course

which would be SUPER bad because, i’ve had this teacher too many times and we do not get along, she loathes my existence, and i really just need to get out. shes partly the reason i need an extra fucking year at school and i always DREAD going to her class. it’s humiliating and discouraging to spend three hours every monday there. no one else likes this professor, they’re only here becuase the school loooooves the researchers and writers. complaints dont matter. all of my other classes are fine but this one has been probably the worst, most emotionally devastating class i’ve ever taken

i don’t even get to write about a topic i want. i was forced to write about the play i was in, instead of Monty Python like i wanted (it’s a fucking comedy class!!!!!) the play is about SCHOOL SHOOTINGS (we won some national awards teehee it’s an outstanding play). yes it’s a “black comedy” but not really? it’s a drama with comedic moments? and i KNOW THIS cause i’ve been studying comedy with this professor for like three cumulative years at this point. i’m struggling beacuse there’s zero research, zero information, and has to be over 20 pages long??? like fuck? i’m so fucked

anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk. i’ve been wanting to make a vent post for like weeks but i haven’t had the time or energy and , i really needed to just....get this out. i feel a little better having all the words down. there’s still so much else going wrong in my life that i could talk about, all the car troubles, my other classes, dorm shit, but, it doesn’t matter in the light of these issues. i can get through this. i just gotta keep fighting. 

oh and if anyones like, worried, i’m not suicidal, i’m not going to do that, there’s no chance of that hpapening. i’m in a very bad place but i’m never gonig back there if i can fucking help it

[cbapk]

Why Everybody Gotta Have An Issue With Me Wanting To Move Out????????

[Actual conversation, if a little paraphrased due to memory. it’s under the cut because it and what comes after are kinda personal and kinda me ranting. feel free to read tho, if ya want]

Me: Mmmm, I really wanna move out.

Person I won’t name: Oh, is everything alright? Are you having trouble with your parents?

Everything’s fine, my relationship with my parents hasn’t changed at all.

Then why would you want to move out? Isn’t it easier to stay there?

Sure, it’s easier to stay there. But I live with them along with my grandma, my fiance, and a houseguest. It’s a little crowded.

Can’t you just kick the houseguest out? lmao

That really wouldn’t change anything aside from freeing up the living room at night, which would be cool, sure, but not something I’m currently worried about.

I don’t get it. If everything’s fine and the houseguest thing isn’t a real issue why would you want to move out?

Well, let’s see - I’m 19 fucking years old, for one, engaged and planning to get married in the next couple of years for two...

Oh, it’s because you’re engaged!

No, it’s because I’m tired of living at home with my parents. I’m fucking 19.

There’s nothing wrong with living with your parents at 19!

Of course there isn’t. I never said there was. I’m just saying that I don’t want to be there anymore.

There has to be something wrong, then. You love your parents!

Yes, I do. With all my heart. Which is all the more reason for me to move out - I’m 19 and they probably really want to be able to live alone again. And I want to live on my own, just me and my fiance. I’m tired of living in their house, under their rules, and living off of their money. I want to do it myself.

[they basically just gave me a disbelieving look, like they couldn’t grasp that I, an adult human with a fiance and goals, could ever not want to live off of someone else’s money]

[End convo because I was done talking about it]

You want to know the real reason tho? You wanna know my real issue? I’m tired of being trapped in one room all the time. I want my own living room, my own kitchen, my own dining room, my own office if at all possible. I want to have more than one permanent space I can occupy. When I go into my parents’ living room (even when the houseguest isn’t occupying that space) it’s a temporary thing. Eventually they’ll want to hang out in there and I’ll have to migrate into the kitchen or back into my room.

My room is an 8′x8′ cramped little carpeted disaster area. Even when it’s completely clean it feels cramped and isolated.

And I share that room with my fiance (who I love unconditionally, don’t get me wrong here) which makes it seem even more cramped. Not to mention that I do need alone time from time to time - I’m an introvert and I can overextend myself a lot when I’m confined to one room with one person all the time.

If I want privacy in any capacity, if I don’t want to be bothered, I have to lock myself in the bathroom and hope no one has to go until I feel better.

Used to, I could hold out until nighttime and then hang out in the living room while everyone was asleep, which worked wonderfully. Considering our houseguest, however, this is not currently an option.

My only other option is the kitchen.... Through which everyone has to pass to get anywhere in the house, more or less.

I want to move out because I want my own space.

When I’m tired of interacting with people, I want to have a room I can go to (say, an office) where I can be left alone, but I want that room not to be the only place for me to go, like my room used to be.

I want to be able to hang out in my own living room with my fiance for most of the day, and only have to be in my bedroom when it’s time for sleep (or something else lmao). I want to have my own kitchen/dining room so that we can eat at the table if we want to and not have to deal with other people being around. I want my own office (or a spare bedroom, or a corner of my room or the living room) so that I can sit down at a desk and work instead of having to go to the kitchen and sit at the table if I want to sit on something other than my bed.

I even want to just be able to leave the bathroom in a towel or a robe and not have to worry about anyone except my fiance seeing anything if the towel drops or the robe opens.

Fuck, I wanna be able to walk around the place naked if the mood strikes me. Or just in my underwear.

I can’t be the only person who’s tired of having to wear clothes that cover everything just because I still live with my parents, who don’t want to see that shit. I can’t even be the only person who’s straight tired of wearing clothes in general all the time.

And then there’s the smaller reasons - the little stuff that I want to be able to do.

Like, for instance, I want to be able to decorate my space. I want an apartment or a house where I can put up my own decorations, my own little knick-knacks and rugs and curtains and posters. I want a house where I can paint my bedroom that soothing baby blue and bubblegum pink I’ve wanted to paint it for the past few years.

I want to have my own sets of dishes, my own cups and plates and bowls and saucers. I wanna be able to grab a mug out of the cabinet and not have to think “Fuck, this one’s mom’s, but there’s no other clean ones right now,” before I use it.

I wanna be able to walk into my living room and take a seat wherever, without thinking, “Shit, this is dad’s spot, he’s gonna make me move when he comes in here,”.

I wanna be able to put up a Christmas tree, should I decide I want to celebrate Christmas.

I wanna be able to have Halloween parties, and Christmas parties, and New Year’s Eve parties, and not have to worry that I’m imposing on my parents’ space by doing so.

I wanna be able to invite over a friend who my dad doesn’t like for one reason or another without having to ask him for permission, since my mom literally could not give less of a fuck who I invite over as long as they clean up their own messes and don’t insult her. I want to be able to have someone over without having to hide them from dad while he’s around just because he doesn’t like them and thinks they’re a bad influence.

Yes that last paragraph was talking about one specific friend. Yes, I’m salty. No, they’re not actually a bad influence - they typically end up being the one to convince me not to do stupid shit 99% of the time.

Oh, oh, oh, and another thing I wanna be able to do?

I want to be able to decide what’s for dinner every night. My parents are trying to lose weight, and I can’t fault them that, but it made my life hell for a while since I have the conflicting goal of trying to gain weight, which is hard to do when they’re constantly on a health kick (for reference I’m 5′3′’ and 103 pounds right now, when I should be closer to 130lbs) and therefore mostly buying at least low calorie foods.

Honestly the big thing is that I’m just tired of being cooped up 24/7.

I’ve lived out of a single bedroom, more or less, rarely venturing to the other rooms of the place I live in, for at least the past 10 years of my life.

It’s time for a change. Preferably before I’m legally old enough to drink.