#when left to my own devices i’m more likely to befriend people who think and feel the way i do

[syn0vial]

the whole “treat others how you want to be treated” line sounds so easy, but i am finding things immensely complicated by the fact that, in truth, there are many people who do NOT want to be treated the way i want to be treated and will take offense if i try

[luxaofhesperides]

those who serve.

Running away from Amity Park—from his entire dimension—Danny takes refuge in the streets of Gotham. It's hard, suddenly being a homeless teenager in such a crime-ridden city, but it's better than dying a second time.

Enter Alfred Pennyworth, a kind old man who works as a butler who, for some reason, has decided to befriend Danny.

His future is still up in the air, but he's hopeful that things will work out. After all, Alfred isn't getting any younger and someone needs to help him with his butler duties. Danny's just the right person for the job.

Or: Alfred Pennyworth sees a homeless teen who looks like he'd fit right into the Wayne family and decides to take matters into his own hands. It's not like he's just going to leave this very sad, possibly meta teenager alone when there's more than enough space in the Manor to house one more child in need.

read chapter one on ao3 or below the cut.

Technically, Danny doesn’t exist. 

He has no papers, no records, no family in this dimension. It’s a blank slate, a fresh start where he can be anything he wants. That doesn’t change what he is, however, and Danny is just another lonely child living on the streets. 

In Gotham, he’s not a hero or a threat; he’s just another nameless face passing by, another teenager with no support system and no future. Just a figure clinging to the alley walls, head bowed and hands tucked into the pocket of his hoodie. It’s not great, far from it, but it’s better than the alternative where he—

—parading around in the corpse of our son! How dare you! Wearing his face won’t save you from what we’ll do to you! Leave Danny’s body so we can bury him, leave him! I’ll tear you ap—

This is better, is the point. Out of the frying pan and into the crime ridden streets of Gotham. Not quite a fire but close enough.

No one is hunting him down in this dimension, at least. He’s ignored and left to his own devices, wandering the streets only when the sun’s gone down and slipping into grocery stores after hours, invisible, to get a few things to eat. It sucks that he’s resorted to stealing to survive, but at least he’s surviving. 

Survival is the entire reason he ran from his own dimension, after all.

He’s been here for two and a half weeks now, getting acquainted with the streets. Every day is spent hiding and trying to endure the crushing loneliness and grief of losing his entire life. He’s still half alive, yes, but the life he lived has gone up in flames, torn to pieces under his parents’ attacks. He can’t even blame them for it; under the circumstances, with the limited understanding they had, it’s only natural that they would try to kill him after discovering that Danny Fenton, their son, died two years ago.

Understanding doesn’t stop the sting of betrayal, doesn’t soothe the ache of being chased away from his family, but it’s something. 

It’s all he has, these days.

There’s no one to hide from, no one who knows him at all, so Danny wanders, more ghost-like than he’s ever been before. People give him a wide berth at night, never making eye contact and walking by faster. 

Save for one, of course. One person, at dawn, who always seems to find him no matter where Danny’s wandered that night. 

He introduced himself as Alfred Pennyworth. The British accent caught Danny off guard enough that he stopped and turned to face the man, who stood a few feet away, umbrella held over his head. 

“Are you quite all right, my boy?” he had asked. “I have a spare umbrella if you would like to keep from getting any more soaked.”

It took a few tries for Danny to find his voice after a week of not speaking a word. “No,” he rasped, barely audible over the rain, “I’m fine.”

He walked away without another word, thinking that was the end of it.

It wasn’t.

Alfred returned dawn after dawn, never staying longer than ten minutes, trying to make small talk with Danny. 

Danny, for his part, had no idea why this random British man had decided to make friends with a homeless teenager, but figured that he was just a lonely old man with no family left. That, Danny could understand. So he’d stay for a bit, listening to him talk and occasionally replying, then say his goodbyes when more people began to emerge onto the street. 

Two and a half weeks in, Alfred finally asks Danny for his name.

“Why?” Danny asks, shifting where he stands. He doesn’t exist here, but it doesn’t stop his instinctual need to run from anyone who goes looking into him. The GIW don’t exist here, no one is hunting him down. There’s no information about him in this dimension that can be used against him. It’s hard to remember that, not after he’s spent the last few years trying to keep ghost hunters from finding him. 

“I feel it’s rather rude of me to speak to someone I have never properly greeted,” Alfred says. He always speaks so calmly, as if there’s nothing in the world that can shake his composure.

I don’t exist here, Danny reminds himself, I’m safe. 

“Danny.”

“Danny,” Alfred repeats. “A fine name.”

“Thanks? It was my first birthday present.”

The stupid comment makes Alfred smile, just a little, so Danny calls it a win instead of beating himself up over having zero control over what his mouth says. 

There’s more movement along the streets now, Gotham beginning to wake up with storeowners getting ready for the day and morning shift employees heading out to let the night shift go. It’s just about time for them to part ways until the next morning, and Danny’s resigning himself to another day of loneliness. 

His short conversations with Alfred are really all he looks forward to. It’s nice to hear about the man’s time in England, his work as a butler, his opinions on American cuisine and the like. He never presses for a response and he doesn’t try to dig for more information about Danny. Just talks to him, then says his goodbyes. 

“I’ll let you go back to your day,” Danny says, pushing off of the wall he’s been leaning against. “See you around.”

Alfred nods once. “Very well. I do hope you get some rest today, Danny. You always look very tired when we talk. I hope I haven’t been keeping you from sleeping.”

“Oh, not at all. I just have insomnia. Better to have some company than just lay around wondering why I can’t sleep, you know?”

“Indeed. I shall be off then.”

“Yeah, alright,” Danny says. “I’ll see you tomorrow once you somehow track me down again. Are you sure you don’t have magic?”

Alfred shakes his head with a small smile. “I am quite positive I do not have magic. Perhaps we simply have similar ideas about where the best places to walk are.”

“Sure,” Danny says, drawing out the word. “Whatever you say.”

Truth be told, the first few days, he was scared that Alfred was somehow tracking him down. For what, Danny didn’t know. Maybe he wanted to harvest Danny’s organs? Sell him to an evil scientist to be experimented on? Induct him into a mob?

Alfred didn’t do any of that. He just showed up, talked for a few minutes, then went on his way. He never followed Danny, never asked strange questions, never did anything besides chat about his life and his work as a butler. 

It honestly was fun to listen to. It’s clear how much Alfred cares for his employers. Before meeting him, Danny had never really thought of butlers beyond being an outdated job for people too rich to do their own chores. Now it’s interesting, learning all the things a butler has to do and why Alfred chooses to do them. 

He still doesn’t have a favorable opinion on billionaires. Too many bad experiences for him to view them is any unbiased light (thanks for that, Vlad, but eat the rich either way); still, it’s nice to know that this family looks out for Alfred. They give him a place to live, a family to live with, a reason to stay. 

It would be nice if Danny could have those too, in any way that he could. He’s at the end of his rope, struggling to stay and not surrender himself into the Zone and be done with the living realm entirely.

Even his Obsession isn’t enough to sustain him. There’s no one to protect here; honest to god vigilantes patrol the streets of Gotham to keep it safe. Danny isn’t needed here. 

There’s no place for him at all.

Already, his mood is plummeting and all he’s done is take a few steps away from Alfred. It doesn’t bode well for his future, whether that’s what’s to come in the next few hours or the next year.

Sighing, Danny ducks his head back down and begins his search for someplace to bunker down for the day. There are quite a few empty buildings around, newly constructed but not yet in use. He doubts there’s any security installed yet, so he should be safe to settle in and catch some sleep before the sun goes down. 

Just as he turns the corner, he hears someone running. They’re behind him and he tenses, ready to disappear so they can’t get him. 

It’s not Danny they go to. It’s Alfred.

“Hand over your wallet if you want to get out of here alive, old man!”

Shit, Danny thinks, spinning on his heel to get back to Alfred. He rounds the corner to see a mugger jabbing a gun at Alfred’s temple. He looks angry, nearly shaking, and there’s a strange shine in his eyes.

Drugs? No, not important. What’s important is that Alfred is standing still, as calm as ever, with his hands lifted in the air. 

“Hey!” Danny yells, sprinting towards them, “Back the fuck up before I rip your tongue out!”

Fear and anger push him on, his Obsession whispering protect protect protect in his ear and he closes the distance between them.

The mugger barely has time to move the gun away from Alfred’s head, and no time at all to point it at Danny, before Danny tackles him, slamming him onto the ground. He rips the gun out of the mugger’s hand and tosses it carelessly to the side. 

“Don’t touch him,” he hisses. Faintly, he’s aware that his features are shifting, becoming a little less human. The snarl building in his chest has his teeth sharpening, bared in warning. 

The mugger trembles beneath him, thrashing weakly. “Alright, alright! Just lemme go! Let go!”

He doesn’t want to. Danny wants to hurt him for daring to go after Alfred, the one good light in the dark, the only person Danny cares about in this dimension. He wants to make this man regret his choices, make him terrified for the rest of his life, break every bone in his hand so he can’t ever pick up a gun again. 

A hand drops onto his shoulder. 

“That’s enough, Danny,” Alfred says. His voice is stern and Danny can’t help but listen, effortlessly pulled out of his adrenaline fueled rage. His humanity returns to him. “There we are. Come now, my boy, stand up.”

He stands. The mugger scrambles to his feet and runs away. 

With the danger gone, Danny can think clearly again. He takes a few deep breaths and locks his ghost-half away as tightly as possible, keeping the cold in his chest buried deep. It was good for scaring away a mugger, but he doesn’t want Alfred to think he’s a monster. 

He can handle a lot, but not that. 

“Are you okay?” he asks, looking over Alfred for any injuries. There’s no telling that was done to him before Danny got the mugger away from him. It may have only been a moment, but Danny knows very well how quickly a moment can change a life (or take it away).

“Quite. In fact, I am sure you are in worse shape than I am, at the moment.” Alfred gestures downwards and Danny follows his gaze to his knees, where his already worn jeans have new holes in them. His knees are skinned from how hard he slammed into the ground, a dull ache he hadn’t noticed until it was pointed out to him. 

“It’s fine,” he says, “I can barely feel it.” 

Alfred gives him a hard look, as though he thinks Danny is lying; he’s not, the pain is barely there. He’s had a lot worse in the past. He can handle skinned knees easily. 

“Well,” Alfred says, “Thank you for coming back to help me. If there’s anything I can do to pay you back—”

“No. I don’t… I didn’t do it for payment. I don’t need anything.”

“I would like to—”

“No,” Danny interrupts again. “No payment. I just did what was right. Don’t make this a big deal, please.”

Alfred sighs. “Very well,” he concedes, looking more tired and worn than Danny’s ever seen him. “I shall not keep you any longer. Until tomorrow, Danny.”

He looks as though he expects Danny to take the out, to leave immediately. Danny shifts, not meeting his eyes as he doesn’t move. 

“I’ll walk with you,” he mumbles. “So no one tries to hurt you again.”

Danny’s worried that Alfred will insist on going alone, that he’ll have to go invisible and follow along when he isn’t wanted, but Alfred is kinder than that. Alfred doesn’t refuse or insist he go on his own. No, he smiles and thanks Danny for his consideration before taking off, making sure that Danny walks besides him rather than behind him.

They don’t talk much. Alfred seems to know that Danny isn’t much for words at the moment, sticking to his side and constantly surveying their surroundings for any danger. He walks confidently through the streets as though he wasn’t just held at gunpoint, carrying on with his morning with the same stubborn spirit that keeps most Gothamites from giving up on their city. 

Alfred visits a small bakery first. They’re not yet open, but the owner props open the door when they arrive, waving them in.

“Alfred!” she greets cheerfully, “And I see you have someone new with you.”

She looks expectantly at Danny, who shifts uncomfortably under the attention. He can’t get his voice to work, can’t figure out how to get the right words out.

“Ah, yes,” Alfred says, smoothly drawing her attention off of Danny. “This is Danny. We often talk in the morning and he has decided to accompany me today.”

“I see. Well, it’s nice to meet you! I’m Yurica. Alfred and I enjoy some tea together in the mornings before starting with our days. Why don’t you join us?”

“I don’t… mean to intrude,” Danny manages to say before Yurica waves off his hesitant refusal.

“Nonsense! Any friend of Alfred is a friend of mine. Come, come, let’s get the two of you seated. You’ll get the first picks of the day, once I get the last batches out of the ovens.”

She leads them into the bakery, past the kitchen and upstairs into a small sitting room. Danny follows them, unable to leave without seeming rude. He joins Alfred on the couch, awkwardly perched on the edge as Yurica bustles around, disappearing down the hall. 

Distantly, he hears the sound of running water and a stove top being turned on. The clinking of cups follows, along with the opening and closing of cupboards. It almost sounds like home, when Jazz was setting herself up for a long study session to make sure she’s prepared for college. 

Without noticing, Danny relaxes back into the couch. He keeps his eyes closed, just listening to the movement around the building; it’s soothing white noise that chases away the constant ache of loneliness he’s been carrying these past few weeks. 

“Quite the relaxing home, isn’t it?” Alfred asks. 

“You come here every day?”

“Not every day, but a few times a week. We’re old friends and are often up before anyone else. It’s nice to catch up for just a few minutes, especially at our age.”

He wonders if this is what it feels like, spending time with grandparents. He never met his own, could never relate to the kids who were always excited to spend time with their grandparents over the holidays, eager to be part of a bigger family. It was fine, before, when it was just him, Jazz, and their parents. 

It was fine. 

It didn’t last.

Yurica returns a few minutes later, carrying a tray full of cups and a teapot made to look like a fat cat. The sight of it makes him smile, almost distracting him from noticing the way Yurica and Alfred share a Look. 

“Here we are,” she says, setting the tray down on the table. She lays out the cups before Danny can offer to help, pouring out fragrant tea with a steady hand. “Cream? Sugar?”

Alfred adds cream to his own cup while Danny shakes his head, quietly thanking her for the tea. 

He cradles his cup in his hands, savoring the gentle warmth while Alfred and Yurica chat. He tunes them out, letting their voices fade into background noise. 

This is the most relaxed he’s felt in months. It’s sad to think about, so he tries not to, but it lingers in the back of his mind. 

Time passes without him noticing. Danny sips his tea until his cup is empty, then sets it down on the tray. That seems to be a cue that Alfred was waiting for, long done with his own cup, and he stands, thanking Yurica for her hospitality. 

She waves it off with a smile before Danny can echo the sentiments, then ushers them downstairs, where trays of freshly baked pastries fill cover the counters of the bakery’s kitchen. 

“Here, take your pick!”

Danny’s about to refuse when she shoves a paper bag into his hands. “Go on,” she says, “Take what you like. I always offer to friends and I find refusal to be rude.”

Now that she’s said that, Danny can’t keep refusing or he’ll feel awful. Alfred is already picking out a few pastries himself, so Danny trails after him, taking three pastries that look good. It’ll be enough to tide him over for the next two days, so he won’t have to steal any food. 

“Thank you again, Yurica,” Alfred says, “It’s always a pleasure to chat with you.”

“Oh, you’re always such a sweet talker,” Yurica laughs. “I’ll see you again soon, Alfred. And you, Danny, are welcome here whenever. Even without Alfred. My doors are open to you.”

Yurica is kind. She sees him in all his scraggly, worn down glory, clearly homeless and with nothing to offer her, and she doesn’t turn him away. Instead she welcomes him in solely because he’s here with Alfred. 

It’s enough to have him blinking back tears, ducking his head so they don’t see how much this affects him. 

“Thank you,” he manages, then hurries to follow Alfred out the bakery. 

Yurica waves at them from the door as they make their way down the street, then goes back in to continue preparing for the day. 

Alfred walks around some more; he informs Danny that he has no errands to run at the moment and no one else to visit. Danny follows, keeping an eye out for anyone who might think Alfred is an easy target. He barely pays attention to where they go until they enter an underground parking garage. 

The weak lights and stillness of the garage, along with the fact that it’s almost entirely empty, makes a fissure of unease race down his spine. This would be the perfect place for Danny to be knocked out and taken away; no witnesses, no help. 

But Alfred wouldn’t do that. Danny wants to believe that Alfred wouldn’t do that. 

He stops when Alfred pulls out a set of keys from his pocket. A black car in the back corner of the parking garage unlocks with a quick flash of the headlights. That is… an expensive looking car. It’s not an obvious luxury brand or anything, but it’s high quality and clearly made for people with money. 

Guess being a butler pays well, Danny thinks. 

Alfred opens the door, but doesn’t get into the car. Instead, he looks to Danny.

“Will you be alright, Danny? If you’d like, I have a first aid kit in the car that we can use to tend to your knees.”

“No, it’s fine. Thanks, though,” Danny says, trying to keep from tensing up too obviously. 

“And you have a place to stay?”

“Sure do,” he lies. 

“If you ever need help, you are welcome at Wayne Manor.”

Danny nods, intending to never go to the manor. He’s not going to risk another rich person trying to either 1) kill him or 2) make him their son. No way. Not in this dimension. 

Alfred looks him over, then nods. He gets into the car, offering Danny a quick goodbye. Danny lifts a hand in return, then leaves the parking garage, holding his bag of pastries close to his chest. More people are starting to fill the streets, starting the day, and Danny still hasn’t found a place to hide until night. 

He’s kept Alfred safe during his dawn walk. He’s safely delivered Alfred to his car so he can drive to wherever he needs to go.

There’s no point in him sticking around any longer. 

Hood up, Danny hurries down the streets, ducking into alleys to avoid being seen by people. It takes half an hour to reach the empty buildings he was considering before, and then just a minute to go invisible and fly up to the roof. The door going inside is locked, but a little intangibility goes a long way. 

Danny makes himself comfortable in one of the many empty rooms, back to the wall, and pulls out one of the pastries. It’s not as warm as before, but it’s still soft and flakey. The glaze on it sweetens the bread and it’s the best thing Danny’s had since he first arrived in this dimension.

This can’t go on, he realizes. 

All this squatting and stealing. It’s just not sustainable. He’s been acting as if he’s died again, left to haunt the streets of a city he doesn’t belong in. He’s spent all his time either sleeping or wandering, wallowing in his own misery.

No more. This is a second chance. 

There’s no ghost hunters. No GIW. No need to be a hero when so many already exist, willingly taking on that burden. Here, Danny doesn’t exist, which means he can be anyone he wants to be. 

And in order to live this new life, he’ll need a job. He’ll worry about school once he’s able to save up some money and find a place to live. 

Step one to getting his shit together: find a job that will take on a homeless teenager who doesn’t legally exist.

He’s already got one in mind; Alfred does keep offering to help in any way he can, and he’s made working as a butler sound fulfilling. 

Serving isn’t quite protecting, but it’ll be close enough that he can satisfy his Obsession. 

The pieces are falling into place. The more he thinks about it, the more he likes this plan. 

He’ll ask Alfred about it when they next meet. Everything else can wait until then.

(“Are you sure you’re okay, Alfred?”

“Quite,” Alfred says, smoothly stepping away from Bruce’s fussing. “Danny scared the mugger away before he could do anything.”

“I’m glad he was there. Are you sure I can’t go meet him? Thank him in person?”

“You’ll only scare him away, I’m afraid.”

Bruce sighs, reaching for his cup of coffee. “What about as Batman?”

“That will only be worse, I’m sure. Not everything can be solved by putting on a mask, Master Bruce.”

Tim enters the kitchen, drops a tablet on the table in front of Bruce, then collapses into his seat with a groan. “I can’t find anything on him. Are we sure he’s real?”

“I assure you he is very real, Master Tim.”

Tim lifts his head to give Alfred a bleary, assessing stare. “I know we always rag on B about his adoption problem, but he got it from you. You’re not going to stop until you get this Danny guy into the Manor, right?”

“It’s either that or setting up a home for him in Gotham.”

“Bring him here,” Tim says with a yawn, putting his head back on the table, “Now I’m curious about him, too.”

“I shall do my best, Master Tim. I shall do my best.”)

[ichayalovesyou]

Our Life Matters (Pike Meta/Theory)

“Our life, yours and mine, it matters. Just not in the way you think.” -Admiral Pike

I have been thinking about this a lot, about Pike’s personality/worldview. Thinking about the type of causality Star Trek presents. About how no one’s life is unimportant, even if it appears to culminate in what appears to be their death.

My biggest questions are:

1) How much does Admiral Pike know about what happens to his prime timeline self after he decides to deliberately stay the course?

2) How much is his personal devastation over losing Spock and enduring a 30+ year war with the Romulans caused by what he believes a personal failure, coloring that perception?

If Admiral Pike Doesn’t Know

If he still doesn’t know what happens to him after The Accident, it could be that he says “it matters, just not in the way you think” just because he believes his life purpose is to sacrifice himself for Spock. He may be too tied up in his regrets and severe depression to see the significance of his actions prior to (or even after 👀) the incident.

He will never have lived through The Accident or have accepted it as an inevitable stage of his life. Which means he would have had no reason to move past the “holy shit I’m basically gonna die” stage of grieving for his able-bodied self. Would never have learned, let alone processed, the lesson he eventually teaches himself. Which is to embrace the time he still has, and to prepare for the difficulties of what’ll happen after The Accident. He spent the seven years after escaping his fate not worrying about it, and the rest of his life after regretting that it didn’t happen because the price was Spock.

He also wouldn’t know that sacrificing himself doesn’t actually save Spock! What it actually does is prolong the inevitable. Like his accident, Spock dying of radiation poisoning is a fixed point in the timeline. Choosing to accept The Accident still results in Spock’s death it just changes WHEN it happens. So that it will happen right in the miracle alignment of circumstances that result in Kirk era crew managing to bring him back from the dead thanks to the Genesis device. (We also have no idea how “Space Seed” would’ve gone down with La’an in play and Spock being absent).

Fate keeps bending around and pushing Spock along to survive long enough to unite Romulans and Vulcans, and it is only then Spock’s luck runs out as there’s no one left to go out of their way to protect his continued existence. Time travel is frequently used to keep people who need to do specific things alive, not just Spock. The time travel shenanigans on the NX-01 & in Trials & Tribblations are proof of that. This timeline is a delicate chain of events that keeps the Federation as we know it alive and whole.

The future Pike is going for could be thwarted by time travelers trying to kill or save him before the accident happens as well. Pike letting what was going to happen anyway happen is a crucial element of the future just as much as Spock living to see it through is.

In this Pike’s opinion, assuming he doesn’t know more about his own possible life paths, his purpose is to ensure Spock fulfills his own (not unlike a parent/mentor putting the needs of their child/ward over their own) at best. At worst it’s to suffer for the greater good, which is a rare thing, considering the vast majority of suffering has no greater purpose.

Some people might interpret all of this as Spock being more important than Chris. I don’t think that’s necessarily the takeaway though. We are all the sum of our relationships. I think that Spock meeting and befriending the people he does as a biproduct of Chris’s accident is the true cause of Spock’s ability to create lasting peace between Romulans and The Federation. It’s the torch passing that’s important, and that Spock is there to help take that torch, not just Spock as an individual.

Though Spock feels lost without Pike to guide and support him like he does in SNW, which definitely accounts for his avoidant/detached behavior in TOS. He grows and learns to accept all of who he is through the friendships he forms with Kirk and that crew in Pike’s absence. Could we say the same if the crew lineup had been the same as it is in SNW? Given the strained emotional undertones of the Balance of Timeline, I think it’s safe to say the answer is no.

That Pike’s role in the path of the timeline is somehow lesser doesn’t feel right to me. Life is full of meetings and partings, you can love people and also let them go. Especially if you are in a position of stewardship and it becomes evident there’s nothing more you can do to protect or teach someone. Which, as we see in the narrative, are among Pike’s favorite things to do, often to the detriment of his own well-being. But even that isn’t the full picture!

The point of where his story appears to end is that Spock is the student that is becoming the master when it comes to compassion. If there’s anything Chris encourages Spock to be it’s compassionate. Pike’s apparent final character arc is finally learning, finally allowing himself to be selfish for once and do something that will help him as opposed to only ever helping others. However… (time to get into hypothesis territory!)

What If Admiral Pike DOES Know?

What if he does know what happens after in the timeline that he broke, what if he knows that Spock takes him to Talos IV to live his life without being wracked with the pain of his barely held together DNA. What if he knows the whole story of how his original timeline plays out? Not just that Spock is crucial for Romulan-Federation peace?

Even if he only knows how the rest of his own life will play out. Maybe when he says “it matters, just not in the way you think.” It’s because he knows himself, not just because he is himself but that he knows that he will do a great deal of good with his remaining time, not just before but maybe even after The Accident as well?

Not only would he know that the rest of his life is still incredibly important. Even if that means a well earned retirement after The Accident and nothing more, which I’m not convinced is the case. Getting to show himself a future he knows will be destroyed by his own selfless choice provides Chris with the opportunity to change things that won’t result in The Accident not happening and Spock’s subsequent death.

For example, we pretty much know/can safely bet Una will be saved next season. Something that does not happen in the Balance of Timeline. Perhaps he can prevent (or at least help mitigate the aftermath) of what causes Ortegas to be so closed off and hostile in that timeline. Same thing goes for whatever breaks Spock’s trust enough for him to question Pike’s sanity.

Those aspects may have been subtler foreshadowing than “Una’s in jail now”. Provided it wasn’t just weird clunky writing to get the Balance of Terror dialogue to work, or could be cleverly retconned as such.

Admiral Pike may be significantly sadder, wiser, probably more self-loathing than his younger self. But he still knows himself and can count on his own personality to help what can be helped, even if that isn’t and can never be himself. He also knows that his past self is probably assuming the rest of his life will be spent in pain and with very limited recovery. If he knows that isn’t true, “not in the way you think” takes on even more meaning.

He knows he’s the right Captain for the Enterprise before his time on the Enterprise is done because he’s literally already lived it. He knows what will happen because it’s happened for him already. He knows that things might possibly turn out even better with the warnings showing himself the Balance of Timeline sent. Only he knows what the next seven years (and maybe even beyond) have in store for him.

The “maybe even beyond”, the life we don’t see after he chooses to stay on Talos IV, the “not in the way you think” is what’s got me very intrigued! I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, there’s been a running theme in SNW that thing are not always as they initially appear.

[amarriageoftrueminds]

Do you have any recommendations of fics with stucky that doesn't have try to convince me that the sun shines out of Miss N@zi-hirer ass?? I am soooo frustrated with this lately, honestly, I start a fic I get to the part where they meet and the writer tries to convince me that the sun shines out of her ass, she's beautiful, she's powerful, she's the girl for steve if bucky didn't existed, and then Steve gets confused because he wants to f*ck both of them or he does, and she's like the part that was missing on their relationship and stuff and I am so fucking tired, there is this amazing fic I am reading 'If they haven't learned your name' and is really cool honestly but she's described exactly like that and I am dragging my feet to finish it because I don't want to read this, honestly I couldn't read NEC and it's like one of the most iconic fics in the Fandom but my patience for her just went down the drain, so can you recommend me something? Hope your dogs are better.

Anon I’m so sorry it took me so long to get to this, I’ve only just found it now!

(And thank you for your well wishes for my dogs, thankfully they’re all fine.)

I really understand your frustration but I’m sorry to say I’ve built up something of a callous for it, so I can’t tell you specifically whether most fics mention her or not? 🤔 (I’ll try tho; see below)

I do however have: 

this search set up on AO3.

(with stucky as main ship, excluding pc/sr, pc&sr, minor pc/sr, past pc/sr, bamf pc, awesome pc, pc/sr/jb, etc. as many as I can think of!)

Another possibility is to open the entire fic and do a CTRL-F for her name, and if you get a hit (and if so how many), don’t read it. 

I’d say AUs are your best bet, and also fics tagged Gay Steve Rogers.

Alternatively, (and this one is even more high maintenance) you could download and find+replace to get rid of any references to her (or replace her name with another character’s). If Disney are allowed to wipe out their characters’ pasts, why not us?

.

Here’s a small random selection I’m pretty sure either don’t feature her or only do so in a non-complimentary way:  

misdemeanor Some cop, unlucky enough to pull over Captain America of all people: Sir um could I see ur... uh... license? Steve Rogers, someone who never bothered to get one: ....no

pull apart the dark All in all, Sam really wished they'd just killed Steve, instead of turning Captain America into a baby.

A is for Aesthetician Or, the AU in which Steve is a medical aesthetician specializing in laser scar treatment, and Bucky is his patient.

a love of my own Bucky Barnes, three years out of the Navy and two years out of work, finally agrees to take his sister's old job as an advice columnist at a local paper. There, he meets Steve Rogers: cartoonist, smartass, and the source of more problems for Bucky than any letter from a love-lorn Brooklynite.

a memory like a haunting Or: Steve wakes from a nightmare only to find that Bucky no longer exists.

art nouveau Steve's on the worst date of his life. At least the bartender's cute.

never talk to strangers or; How a Forgotten Childhood Lesson Led Bucky Barnes to Appreciate Charlie Chaplin, Befriend an A.I., Slip on Soap Bubbles, Be Mistaken for a Succubus, and Try to Woo a Superhero.

critical miss(ion) When Bucky messes up on his second solo mission as Captain America he expects a lot of things – a write-up, extra paperwork, remedial training. Heck, even being fired. What he doesn't expect is being told to play Dungeons & Dragons. Featuring the Avengers as Family, D&D games, and a whole lot of snacks.

who invited you? Bucky and Sharon agree on one thing: they can't let Peggy get away with this. They have to unite against Peggy Carter.

it's just a jump to the left It really sucked that Steve had chosen to stay in the past with a woman he barely knew. Bucky just couldn't understand it, and he complained to his pals over a drink. So Cable lends Bucky his time-travel device to go fix the timeline.

call your girlfriend (it's time you had the talk) Natasha is out shopping for a dress and she drags her gay best friend, Bucky, along with her.Then they get a surprise visit from an angry woman claiming Bucky has slept with her husband.Things all sort of unravel from there.

getting away with murder Bucky really likes Steve, and he likes Steve's home. He doesn't particularly like Peggy, so he makes plans to do away with her and take her place. (or, the Bucky-murders-Peggy-comedy that several people asked me for, lol)

in which peggy is not the right partner for steve WARNING: This story is extremely anti Peggy Carter and anti Steggy. Do not read if you are a stan of Peggy or Steggy. You won't like it. After Peggy shoots at Steve, she finds he is giving her the cold shoulder. When she confronts him, Steve Rogers makes it clear to her that the right partner would never be violent or threaten violence to the person they love. 

.

ED: @barnes-rogerss came thru with a great list for you, too!

Hope that helps!

[yesimwriting]

Searing Starlight (chapter 3)

A/n I CANNOT believe how many people have supported this story,, I’m so excited to continue it with you guys :)) 

Just a reminder that while this is based off the show i hope to blend in some book aspects/vibes and this is just a fanfic and it won’t be completely accurate/follow the show 100% and any changes I make/parts I chose not to focus on are for the sake of the story I’m trying to tell 

-- 

I can’t tell if I wish Kaz had let me go with Inej or not. She’s faster than I am, and considering that I have no real reason to be loyal to them, I’m a flight risk. That means I’m stuck here with only the Kaz Brekker and Jesper, who I tricked. I hadn’t exactly befriended Inej entirely in the few minutes I was alone with her, but she seemed more trustworthy than them. More susceptible to reason. And when she heard where I was from, who was responsible for raising me, something in the way she watched me changed. It was the oddest combination--a look of both tired sympathy and cautious admiration.

“What I don’t understand…” Jesper breaks the silence. “Is why you all go back there. He lets you leave, he gives you money--there’s no reason to return.” 

I try not to let the question anger me. I shift awkwardly, scratching at my palm. “We tried leaving.” My stomach knots. “Once.” How do I make them understand? “He caught us because we young and stupid, and then he…” I exhale slowly. They’re just words. They don’t change anything. Whether I speak them or not, the events of my history aren’t different. “He picked the youngest, a girl only six months younger than me, and he slit her throat from ear to ear and took a finger of anyone that flinched as her blood splattered onto them. He said her blood was our penance and to live with knowing what we did to her would be our punishment.” 

I don’t tell them that I was twelve. I don’t tell them Anya lied about my birthday on the records. I don’t tell them I’m missing the very tip of my pinky--a small punishment for the twitch of my lip. “When Kenya is truly angry, he never hurts you--he hurts those around you.” No one responds to that. They’re making me seem like such a bummer. “It’s not awful all the time...he borders on agreeable when you listen to him.” 

Most days we have peace, left to our own devices as long as we accomplish certain goals. Their silence does little to unnerve me. After speaking so freely of such a nightmare, the desire to be rid of the taste of those words from my mouth is almost overwhelming, but I hold to the silence. 

“Why has he never sold you to the grisha that are so desperate for you?”

Of course Kaz Brekker would ask a question like that. “He isn’t the business of money, he’s in the business of creating gods. He indentures people he thinks could one day become saints or something else entirely. He wants to be owed by the heavens.” 

I watch Kaz carefully, a part of me curious about how someone like him could react to a goal like that. I can see him understanding the ambition of it all, but I can’t imagine himself a person of faith. Perhaps he’ll think it a clever trick. Perhaps he’ll even agree with Kenya.

He nods once; something I get nothing from. 

Whatever. He can be coy and distant this entire time. They all can. I’ll be out of here soon enough, and I’ll find Anya. And if I can stop something bad from happening to Alina then that’s a bonus I’m willing to take risks for. 

“That man is awful.” 

Inej’s voice comes from right behind me. I snap my head around. “You’re in here.” 

She nods once, oblivious to how shocking her sudden appearance is. She hands me a knapsack casually, staring at Kaz. “What’s the plan? We have six hours.” 

I look around the room, only seeing one closed window and one closed door. “There’s one door in this room.” 

“We take the Inferni to the ship.” He doesn’t even bother looking in my direction. 

Okay, they can be mean to be all they want but they can’t ignore me. I don’t think I’ve ever been ignored in my entire life. Gods in the making get attention. It may be the cruel attention of fate, but it’s something. 

“Did she come in through the window?” 

Again, I am ignored. 

“And then what, boss?” Jesper casually crosses the room, sitting down next to me on the small couch. It’s like I’m not even here. “We’d need to break into the Little Palace to get Alina.” 

What? “You guys are going to--” No. No. I am not kidnapping Alina. And there’s no way she’d be in the Little Palace. “First off--if you want to kidnap Alina Starkov for whatever insane ploy you’re all playing at, you’d never find her at Little Palace. She’s not a Grisha and second--” I cut myself off, standing from my seat. “Why am I even telling you this? I shouldn’t be helping you kidnap her.” 

Kaz’s eyes dart to me boredly. At least it’s some kind of acknowledgement of my existence. “I thought you two weren’t close.” 

I seriously consider scorching him. Just a little. Not even enough to scar him, just enough to get him to shut up. “She’s still a person who has a right to her body and what happens to it.” 

“Not that it’s any of your concern, but if we pull this off we get one million kruge.” 

What does he think I’m going to say? ‘Okay, well as long as you’re doing it for a good reason.’ Is that the response he expects. “Okay, well that makes it fair.” 

His eyes narrow skeptically, but Jesper is the one to ask, “Really?” 

“No,” I scoff, slumping back into my seat, “I was being sarcastic.” 

I drop my head back, neck craning over the back of the small couch. It isn’t exactly comfortable, but at least it makes it easier to ignore them. I’ve kept worse company for less. There’s an odd silence for a long second. I look forward without moving, I see Kaz vaguely gesture in Inej’s direction.

“Y/n,” Inej’s voice is refreshingly measured, “I think after the kinds of things we’ve gone through we understand that there’s some relativity in morality.” 

I shift my head to the right so I can look at her. “...Yes, but you’re just forcing another girl into a similar situation.” Why is Alina even worth so much? “And why would anyone pay so much for Alina?” 

Inej hesitates, glancing at Kaz and then back at me. “She’s a Sun Summoner.” 

On instinct, I straighten entirely, my body rigid. They’re insane. “You all are cracked if you think Alina’s a Sun Summoner.” No. No. It couldn’t be her. “Bless your hearts, seriously, she’s--she was trained to be a map maker--she’s not…” None of them relax, none of them shift in any way. What good would lying about this bring them? They have no reason to lie about this. “Saints, I should have had more to drink while downstairs.” 

So what if she’s a Sun Summoner? She didn’t ask to be one. She doesn’t deserve this. I cross my arms. “It doesn’t make this okay.” 

“And would it make it okay if you were getting a cut of the profit?” What? 

Kaz is looking at me in that tactful way. It takes all of my focus to not let myself become unnerved. “What?” 

“If I offered you a cut, would you be able to push aside more protests in order to make working with you easier?” 

Could I do it? Could I betray Alina? I drop my gaze away from his, opting to focus on the forgotten lantern on the coffee table in front of me. It flickers to life with no conscious prompting on my part. The flame is low and blue. Still though, Kaz notices it. What doesn’t he notice? 

“I can help you do what I agreed to.” I swallow around a lump in my throat, “But I cannot help you kidnap Alina.” 

The corner of his mouth tugs downwards. “We’re just going to get her to work with us.” 

“Work with you?” 

“We never said anything about taking her, and if Alina is really your friend you should know that the entire world is after her. Better us who can get her out of an unwanted situation quickly than the brutal General Kirigan who will hold her hostage until she does what he wants.” 

...I guess he has a point. “Oh.” I’m not naive enough to think that their methods will revolve around making Alina comfortable, but perhaps it’s not as dark as I assumed. “Maybe I was a little quick to assume…” I trail off awkwardly, looking at Inej for some type of reassurance. She avoids my gaze. 

I scratch the back of my arm, feeling like a spiraling child. I pick up my knapsack and place it on my lap, fiddling with the strap. 

“Come on,” Kaz stands, adjusting his grip on his cane, “We only have until sunrise.” 

As I stand, I pull down the skirt of my dress, suddenly aware of how inappropriate my clothing is for this late in the night. “Can--can I change first?” 

It’s a sheepish question, leaving me feeling like a child. 

“Five minutes,” Kaz offers, stepping out of the room with the rest of them. 

Inej leaves last, feet more silent than a cat. She offers me the tiniest hint of a smile. Despite my reservations, I beam at her. Something about me finds her politeness endearing despite it all. I think she closes the door loudly on purpose, to assure me of privacy. 

Normally changing in a building so full of drunk men would leave me nervous, but knowing Inej is outside leaves me feeling safe. I may not trust her with my life but something about her being tells me she values personal autonomy enough to protect it. 

I sift through the belongings Inej brought me. Clean underwear I try not think of her searching for, a thin white dress, comfortable pants, shorts, a few casual shirts, my red hood, and a nightgown. When I get to the bottom of the bag, and I see the personal belongings Inej smuggled back for me, I’m moved so powerfully my hand flies to my mouth on instinct. She had brought the folded up piece of paper with the only information I’ve been able to find about Kamil, the book I left on my nightstand, the small candle holder Alina had given me the day before I was taken away, the blade Mal had given me the day I left, the deck of playing cards Anya had first taught me to play with, and my mother’s necklace. The silver north star on a long chain. 

Before I can become too emotional, I take off the Crow’s Club T-shirt Inej had given me when I looked cold. I change into black pants, tucking the small blade Mal had given me into the pocket. The shirt I put on is pale blue, breaking the dark theme of everything around me. I fasten my red hood over my shoulders, basking in the familiar fabric. Lastly, I pull the north star necklace over my head, watching the blue orb with a black dot at its center blink at me in the light. I always found the stone at the pendant’s center odd. I'm quick to walk towards the door, nervous about what wasting their time could mean. 

“Let’s do this,” I sigh, pushing open the door. 

They all pause. Or maybe they were never moving. I try to imagine them interacting normally, but it’s hard to picture them as anything but intense and unflinching. There’s something odd about them, though, Jesper practically sulking and Kaz dropping his head despite Inej’s harsh stare.

“What kind of stone is in your necklace?” 

I swear to the Saints that if Kaz Brekker tries to steal it I’ll melt those leather gloves into his hands. “Try to take it and--” 

“That’s what I get for trying to make ‘polite conversation.’” He throws a look at Inej as he speaks the last two words. 

Wait--did Inej tell him to try to make polite conversation? Wait--more importantly, did he just kind of, almost say something that borders on casual? 

Wrinkling my nose, I let out a slight sigh. “Sorry.” 

His eyebrows draw together quizzically. “Did you just apologize for assuming I’d steal from you?” 

Great. Now I’m fully embarrassed. “Can we just go?” 

“Not before meeting me, I hope.” The stranger’s voice means nothing to me, but the others tense at it immediately. What? The man continues to walk forward, his steps too casual and confident for me to trust. The stranger is quick to respond to the question on my face, “Pekka Rollins.” 

--

Taglist: @ambrosia-v-black @fandomstuffff @boxofteenageideas @losers-club6 @cityofstaars @stillreadingfantasy @slatersbrekker  @xoxo-aclown @alzawas-plug @nuwanda-greaser @swearingsolemnly @-thatgirloverthere-

General Taglist: @theincredibledeadlyviper @grishaverse7

[dragon-kazansky]

Two sides of a coin | Zemo + Bucky

Requested by @cherry-season

Every coin has two sides, each different from the other. Zemo liked to think of you as such.

When he first met you, a stranger he had never crossed paths with before, you were so polite. Despite the warning you had clearly received, you were still full of manners and friendliness when you met him. It was only right he returned those manners to you.

However, it was very clear, with Bucky, who you had known quite some time, you had another personality with him.

The differences in personality was entertaining and he found great amusement in it when he thought about how different you were.

With Bucky you laugh loudly a lot more. Multiple times he has walked in and found the both of you laughing intensely. The kind of laugh that causes your head to go back and wheeze when you run begin to run out of air.

You also make a lot more mess. With Bucky you leave things laying about. You refuse to move your feet for him if you're taking up the couch. Zemo even saw you shiver a whole cupcake in your mouth when with Bucky. There was icing all over your face and fingers. Bucky just shook his head you, grinning at your antics.

With Zemo, you make the effort to keep your things tidy. You move he comes over, allowing him to sit. You offer to make him a drink when you get up. You're just so different.

Right now you were baking in the kitchen. You were mostly doing it just to pass some time, but Zemo wasn't complaining. He was sure whatever you were making would be wonderful.

Bucky was sat at the counter. He appeared to making the icing.

There was flour all over the counter and all over you. The bag of sugar had tipped up and the small grains were scattered across your working station.

Zemo was watching from across the room. He had just entered and you hadn't seemed to notice him. He had decided to keep quiet as he knew what would happen if you noticed him. The Baron wanted to see you as you are now, a chaotic mess trying to do something so simple.

"Are you nearly done with that?" You ask Bucky, turning around to face him.

Zemo could see your face a little better now. How did you manage to get flour in your hair?

"I think so. Are the cakes doing?" Bucky glances over to see your handy work.

A little tray was on display to him. The cakes themselves looked fine, ready for the oven, but the destruction you had left behind was phenomenal.

"Good. I'll put them in now. I better clean up before Zemo comes," you say, gathering the tools you had used.

"Need any help?"

"No, I got it. Thanks for the help with this though. I really like spending time like this with you." You chuckle softly.

Bucky scoops up some icing from the dish and rubbed it onto your nose.

"You're welcome, doll." He grins, leaving you to your own devices, ignoring the way you were cursing at him.

You grab a tissue and wipe at your nose.

Zemo chuckles to himself as he walks over, making himself known.

"Oh, Zemo! I promise, I'll clean everything!"

The Baron smiles.

"I don't mind. Are you having fun?"

"Yes. I'll replace everything I've used, I promise." You glance at the counter, ashamed of the mess you had made.

"Don't worry about that. My home is your home for as long as you're here. You may use anything you require."

You nod softly and start putting away everything. Zemo decides not to leave you to it yourself. He grabs a towel and begins to wipe up the mess you had left behind.

You put the tray into the oven and turn the timer on.

Bucky comes back, now looking cleaner than he had before. He wasn't immune to the flour explosion you had created earlier.

"So much for cleaning up before he came in," Bucky looks at the pair of you.

"Actually, I was over there for several minutes before I made myself known," Zemo says, pointing across the room.

"You saw? I'm a terrible guest, honestly." You brush your hands on the apron you had borrowed.

"Nonsense. You're a wonderful guest, but I must insist you be yourself. You really don't need to be so proper when I'm around." Zemo smiles at you.

"That doesn't feel right. We've only known each other a short time. It's only right to be polite to people I don't know."

"You know this is Zemo, right?" Bucky asks, looking at you.

"That doesn't matter. He's our host, the least we can do is respect his property."

Zemo smiles.

"I insist you be yourself. We may not be friends, like your are with James, but you have nothing to hide from me. I rather like the chaos you bring around your friends."

You blush softly.

"I feel like I'm interrupting something." Bucky looks between you both.

You shake your head and clean up the last of the mess, now with the help of the other two.

Once everything was pristine, and the cake were baking away, you all sat down. Zemo made tea. This felt nice for you, you felt a bit more comfortable with your host, but you were still worried about being so weird in front of him. Bucky had dealt with you plenty, so he was used to your antics.

"Where's Sam?" You ask, realising you hadn't seen him in hours.

"He went out. Couldn't put with you, left you with me to deal with. I'm not being paid for babysitting you." Bucky states, keeping a straight face.

You give him a little shove.

"Shut up. Seriously, where is he?"

"He went out for information, told me he could handle it."

"He is missing all the fun," Zemo says, chuckling softly.

"Just me and my boys at a tea party. Sam is going to be so jealous." You sip your tea.

"Zemo is one of tour boys now?" Bucky sounded almost jealous.

"Yeah, don't pout. It's official now," you grin.

You were being a lot more open with him now. Zemo felt extremely happy to see this more playful side of you.

The timer for the oven went off. You hopped off your stool and took them out, putting them on a cooling rack. You turn to Zemo.

"Want to help ice them later?"

His smile grows.

"I'd love to."

Bucky rolls his eyes at you, but keeps his mouth shut. You sit back down next to him and wait for the cakes to cool. Zemo pours more tea while you wait.

The Baron watches the way you and Bucky mess around with each other. Bucky moves your cup to the other end of the table when you check on the cakes. You threaten to ban him from the kitchen, to which he states it's not your kitchen. It was what you said next that took him off guard, not really expecting you to pull him into the mix.

"Well, if I ask Zemo nicely, he might ban you for me. Will you?" You turn to him.

Zemo smirks, "if my little bird wishes it."

You turn away, blushing again.

"I thought we were friends, Y/N." Bucky pretends to be upset.

"We are!" You wrap your arms around him and hug him.

Bucky laughs.

As Zemo sits there and watches you, a thought pops into his mind. Would he have enough time to befriend you the way Bucky has? For some reason he feels like he's been missing out on you.

Zemo was here to finish his mission, but perhaps he could gain a friend along the way.

@ajeff855 @moonstuffsteve @sky-writes-stuff @lieutenantn @lostghostgirl94 @friday18eo @yaskna

[sohin-ace]

Rohan - It's got to be Rohan

This is inspired by something that just happened to Giovanna. I chose Rohan as the mysterious japanese man.

This is kind of crackfic-ey, it's not to be taken too seriously, I just had a moment with @gio-is-writing. Please don't expect any quality from this.

Also no beta, we die like men, we take it raw, my gangsters.

You were seated in the boarding room of the airport, rubbing your tired eyes. No matter how much you loved travelling and how relaxing your vacation was, you could never get used to the stress of boarding, moving around from one plane to the other and walking kilometers of huge airport grounds.

You barely had any sleep at all and your neck was killing you from the poor excuse of a nap you took in the preceeding plane. You felt like your head was about to fall off from your shoulders.

Now you could only wait for your seat number to be called for your next flight back home after another bizarre adventure.

You tried to mute out the dull background sound of people in the airport, staring out the large window right to the vast runway where workers were signaling pilots and directing planes to the parking zone and moving around to who knows where, making sure air traffic was fluid and secure.

Barely able to focus on the boring sight, your eyes instead fell upon not what was across the glass but rather was was reflecting it.

Right behind you was a young man, seated just there. You could make out his handsome features and beautiful face from where you were.

Now, you tried not to stare and act like a creep, but no matter what you did to distract yourself, your attention always came back to this beautiful stranger sitting so close behind you.

He seemed to be about your age, nicely-styled dark hair, and with very intriguing sharp eyes. He looked asian-phenotyped, but you could never be sure of his exact origins. You could only guess he was most likely japanese.

He had came from the same plane you just landed from and your departure destination was a place known to be popular amongst the Japanese population, so you speculated.

But how could you confirm? You could never just go talk to him. You just couldn't dare. You couldn't imagine walking up to random people asking them if they were japanese or not based on nothing concrete.

Talking to him was out of the question, you thought to yourself. He looked so handsome and intimidating. A normal, basic person like you couldn't just come up to him and strike a conversation, not even knowing if he spoke your language at all. You couldn't muster the courage to do so.

In a pit of despair, you thought of the brilliant idea of trying to peek at his phone discreetly through the glass reflection. Maybe you could see which language it was set in, clearing up the mystery once and for all.

... But all in vain unsurprisingly.

You rubbed your temples in frustration. You didn't know why you were suddenly so infatuated with this man, but for your defense, he was the most interesting thing in the boring, endless wait of your boarding.

Ah, yes. Like that could work. You just had a thing for coming up with clever ideas that you would never execute.

You thought. Hard. What would your best friend do in this situation? Maybe you should just throw logic out the window and punch him in the face for daring intruding your already fragile peace of mind.

Or maybe on the other end of the spectrum you should go out there and kiss him until he doesn't remember his own name.

Sighing at your own very stupid and mindless thoughts, blaming boredom and exhaustion for them, you glanced back at whatever just made noise somewhere in the boarding room.

It seemed like the mysterious supposedly Japanese stranger had the same idea and glanced behind him, your eyes meeting for a brief moment.

You couldn't help but take in his features once again, this time even more clearly. His eyes were greener than emeralds and his skin looked as gentle and heavenly as porcelain. You couldn't believe how soft yet inexpressive he actually looked like from this close.

You even took in his strange bandana, suddenly curious about the odd shape and thinking that could make for a great conversation starter. Nothing weird about asking some stranger about their fashion, right?

But alas, before you could even think about opening your mouth, the beautiful man had already turned back around to mind his own business.

You pouted, thinking of the lost opportunity. The butterflies in your stomach and the burning warmth in your cheeks completely staining your proper judgement on the situation.

Oh you two must be meant for each other. You looked back at the same time, your eyes met. That was a sign, you could already hear the wedding bells singing your union. Your heart was stammering.

Oh you couldn't wait to tell your best friend all about this fictional husband you haven't even talked to at the airport, knowing they would absolutely approve of your ectoplasmic relationship and would root for you all the way, like the supportive friend they were.

You stood up. Maybe you could walk around a bit in his direction, pretending you had something to check somewhere farther in the boarding room, motivated by your own inside pep-talks.

You had no idea what you were doing but you hoped to get his attention somehow. Who knew what could happen. There were plenty of people out there having incredible stories straight out of movies where they found love in such improbable ways, meeting people from across the world once and ending up meeting them again in impossible circumstances or somesuch.

Maybe the little child inside you wanted to live that kind of fantasy as well.

You suddenly regretted looking so awful today. Make up and hair barely done and hardly bothered to put on nice clothes for the sake of comfort and practicity on a long and tiring trip.

Trying to act as nonchalant as ever yet still elegant, you slightly turned back around, only to realize you couldn't see him anymore.

...What? What was going on? What happened? Did he leave? Was his seat called while you were turned around?

Your heart pounded in anxiety, aching for a moment, thinking it was over. That you had lost him forever. Your one true love. The delusional love of your life. The man of your dreams. A nameless soulmate that you knew nothing about, yet that you would trade everything for, even your life.

Your lips threatened to twitch as your held back tears, regretting every decision in your life that had led you to this suffering, this tragedy. God, why did love hurt so much? Why did you have to be the one to go through this?

"Why..." You sobbed dramatically in the middle of the boarding room, walking shamefully as your heart bled. "Why did you go... Why did you have to leave me- Oh... Nevermind he's right there."

Your theatrical number instantly switched as soon as you realised you had just wandered too far and were actually walking in the wrong aisle, quickly coming back to where your and his seat were.

You did not care for the strange looks you were receiving from people sitting by who thought you were completely mental, which you probably were.

All that mattered, is that your handsome Japanese prince charming, your very own 'Ouji-sama' was right here, looking as beautiful as ever, staring down at his device and completely ignoring your entire existence.

As soon as you got back to where your belongings were, extremely frustrated with your imaginary lover's sheer obliviousness, you heard the echoed sound of the boarding room speakers call your name.

'Passenger L/N Y/N. L/N Y/N seat B-17, is requested for boarding. Please present yourself at the gate immediately."

Your mother, much more reactive than you, hurried to gather your luggage and walked towards the gate where you were expected.

You grabbed your bag from your seat and instantly noticed the object of your obssession stand up, briefly staring at his boarding pass in hand, confirming his own seat number.

He looked up and sent you an effortlessly handsome look, staring down at you for a moment and you swore you saw his eyes widen for a split second before returning back to his resting sharp look.

You blushed and flinched at his intense gaze, feeling squirmy under his scrutinizing eyes. You didn't know what to do with your hands and averted your eyes, deciding to join your mother who was already waiting in line.

'W-w-what the hell?' You panicked as he elegantly strided in your direction, his expensive-looking clothes framing his body so perfectly he looked like some Versace supermodel. 'Is he... Following me or something?! No way...'

Just as you thought he was about to board in the same plane as you, bringing your hopes up, he talked to one of the airline agents.

"I'm so sorry sir. We indeed called the seat B-17, but it's for the flight GW3180. For your flight you need to go to that boarding room, on the far left." The lady instructed, giving him thorough indications as he nodded in understanding.

You slumped your shoulders in defeat. He wouldn't board the same plane as you, he just got mistaken. Of course, you thought unsurprised, he would probably go back to Japan, he had no reason to join you, now did he? That would be one unsuspecting trick of fate.

You could just watch him as he walked away, farther and farther away from your reach, never to be seen again. Your chest tightened as his legs took your love away, guiding him to fly off somewhere out of your reach.

"Oh, you recognize him?" Your mother called out, noticing how persistently you were staring at the fine man. "He does look familiar..."

You looked back at your mother in confusion, your curiosity piqued. "What do you mean?"

"He reminds me of that one japanese child you befriended when we came here for vacation. Oh it was years and years ago. You were still a little kid at the time." She chimed, reminiscent of old times.

You blinked. "I... I can't remember at all, I'm not gonna lie."

She hummed. The waiting line not shortening one bit she added, "He couldn't speak our language at all, but no matter what you were telling him, he always acted like he understood you and nodded his head." She chuckled and you smiled.

"That's... That's adorable." Your voice softened, wishing you could have remembered such a wholesome memory. "What else do you recall about him?"

"He loved to draw in the sand with you. I wonder if he ended up becoming an artist. I think his name was.... Hmm.." She furrowed her eyebrows and held her chin, deep in thoughts, "Hold on I can't remember it's been so long..."

"Well, I can't really blame you for not remembering a japanese name you heard once from years ago." You bashfully reassured her, but she still tried to remember.

"No. I know I remembered his name because it was the same at that one famous French art school.... I think it was... Ro.... What was it... Roh...an..? I think. Yes, Rohan."

Your eyes widened at the name. Yout delusional self couldn't barely hold back the joy of finally putting a name to that beautiful face that stole your heart. Needless to say you were quick to jump to conclusions like on a trampoline.

That was it. 'It's got to be Rohan!' you screamed in the comfort of your own mind.

Oh and what a beautiful name it was too. It rolled out the tongue so naturally. Rohan. Rohan...

"Oh but it's probably not him. The odds of meeting a kid years later like that in the same place are too small..." Your mother dismissed as she showed her boarding pass to the gate agents, not aware that she was crushing your tiny little hopes. "Oh well, whatever."

You liked the fantasy of some impossible reunion with a long lost childhood sweetheart love story much better. Especially with the way he stared at you, as if he remembered you, after all those years.

But for now, you just had to board on that plane and go back home pretending your feelings have never existed, for there was nothing you could do about it.

You could only dream that it had got to be Rohan.

[danishmiilk]

when thunder splits the sky - na jaemin

au || royalty!au, soulmates!au

genre || angst, fluff, slight crack

warnings || swearing, death mentioned, almost deathly sickness, a lot of stress on jaemin and y/n’s part, throwing up.

summary || soulmates. the source of happiness, the source of sickness. you’re shocked that your best friend (and the second prince) is your soulmate, but it shouldn’t be too bad. after all, you’re best friends, right? you know each other better than anyone else in the world. but when jaemin refuses to realise his love, shit hits the fan.

word count || ~10k

note || this is a collaboration piece with @astroboy-lele​ for @k-dinernet​‘s dance off event!

you and jaemin were close, closer than a commoner and a prince should be. but since you were the main cook’s daughter, it wasn’t too uncommon to see the two of you running around with bright smiles lighting up your faces. then studies took over for jaemin. he was constantly studying to become a better king than his dad, which was slightly unfair since he wasn’t even the crown prince. but accidents could happen, so jaemin had to be prepared. so you were left to your own devices most of the time, fiddling with things in the kitchen, or helping clean the monstrous castle jaemin called home. 

“jaem!” you giggled happily when jaemin emerged from the library’s study. he looked tired. more tired than a 17 year old should be. dark circles contrasted his pale skin, and your hand automatically came up to rub at his slim cheeks. “you should get more rest.” you chided him.

“can’t.” jaemin responded curtly, removing your hands from his face. “i need to study.” 

"but you're always studying," you sighed. it shouldn't be this hard to spend time with your best friend, but you supposed it was one of the cons of befriending the second prince of your kingdom. 

"you don't understand, y/n! how could you? it's my duty to my family and my country to keep studying in case, heaven forbid, anything happens to doyoung hyung!" he snapped sharply at you, and though you knew he was clearly overstretched and stressed beyond anything you'd ever seen him (or didn't see him, he was always in the library nowadays anyway), you still took a step back and flinched away, hurt. jaemin stepped forward, mouth trying to form apologies. you shook your head, eyes glassy.

“don’t.” your voice was softer than expected. “i’ll.. i’ll leave you to it.” you ran off before jaemin could even react, wiping at your eyes. 

jaemin watched you go. he watched you leave, back retreating into the dark hallways. he felt bad, of course he did - jaemin would never snap at you for no good reason. the last time he actually wanted to hurt someone was when you came to him sobbing, one year ago. the memory was still fresh in jaemin’s mind. 

you supposed it could be you being too sensitive, but it was the toll the absence of jaemin took on you. sure, absence made the heart grow fonder, but it also did make cracks emerge in a friendship. you couldn’t see your cracks yet, but they’d emerge soon enough - it was the first time in so long you’d managed to talk to jaemin, and he’d just brushed you away brusquely. your hand raised to your eyes to wipe away the stray tears that had fallen. 

without looking where you were running, you’d bumped into something very solid. something very human. roughly, you placed your hands on said solid thing and pushed yourself away, speeding around the obstacle to the forest, tears still filling up your eyes. you didn’t blink them back - if you’d blinked, they were sure to have fallen out.

“y/n?” the very confused crown prince shouted out from somewhere behind you, “what’s going on?” and unbeknownst to you, his brother was soon to follow, brushing past him like he was invisible (last he checked, he wasn’t.) “jaemin?” the pair of you had left long before there was a chance to provide the prince with any of his requested answers, leaving a very confused doyoung standing in the middle of the hallway. sighing, doyoung brushed off his clothes. sometimes he didn’t know what he put up with you for. 

once you set foot into the forest, immediate regret almost washed over you. it started raining. not gently either, it came down in harsh droplets, hammering into your clothes, thoroughly soaking you to the bone. you shivered, rubbing your hands up and down your arms, trying to bring warmth to yourself. it didn’t work, so you settled with standing under a tree in an attempt to stay out of the storm. you gazed up at the sky, wincing as thunder rumbled in the distance, reminding you of your fears. you wished with all your might that the storm would stop. it didn’t. of course it didn’t. why would it, it was nature, and nature didn’t listen to common people, only the gods above. “y/n? y/n! oh my god, y/n!” you heard a shout echo through the forest, and you shivered again. “there you are, do you know how long i’ve been looking for you?” jaemin accused, hands grabbing at your shoulders. you glared back, though it wasn’t threatening as you were shaking and shivering, teeth chattering. “you know it’s the rainy season and almost winter! what the fuck were you thinking?” jaemin huffed, but shrugged off his coat and draped it around your shoulders gently, concern making his eyebrows knit together.

“it was sunny before.” you protested, and jaemin exhaled, shaking his head with disappointment at your naive actions. 

“you should know the weather changes quickly,” jaemin retorted, and that shut you up. you knew the weather changed fast, but emotions took over you, just wanting to escape the castle jaemin called home. “we should find some shelter. i know there’s an old cottage somewhere, i just don’t know where.” jaemin sighed. 

you raised your eyebrows at him, “what, it wouldn’t be some strange warped hansel and gretel remix going on, would it? because we’re not smart enough to push witches into ovens.” jaemin smiled widely, chuckling at your small jab at yourself and him.

“no, it’s completely safe.” he assured you, grabbing your hand. jaemin nervously cleared his throat. “uh… i, i should apologize for earlier. it wasn’t right for me to snap at you.” you squeezed his hand gently.

“i know you’re stressed, it’s okay. i really should be more lenient.” you sighed, slightly disappointed in yourself for not understanding your best friend’s struggles. his hair was sticking to his forehead, yours similarly sticking you your arms and neck. 

“it’s just the expectations, you know. of my parents, of the people… of the country.” jaemin’s eyes widened in horror and fear, an expression that would be almost comical under different circumstances and whispered, “what if i have to rule the country one day?”

your friend blanched and you sighed, tightening your hold around him to anchor him to reality, “look, i’m not saying you’re incapable of doing it, but it’s really quite impossible that something were to happen to doyoung, so i don’t think you really have to worry about that too much. still, being royalty is probably way harder than i could imagine.”

his voice wistful, jaemin’s eyes shined with tears - or perhaps it was just the rain creating illusions. “sometimes i wish i were never born into royalty. but you know what, there’s pros and cons to everything, that’s just how life is. we get privileges, but we can’t have the best of both worlds. still,” he looked down at the wet ground, “every time i see children running about or playing with their friends in courtyards or in the streets, it makes me wish i had a childhood. makes me wish i had friends, and was allowed to play with them, to live a normal life. normal. what a beautiful word, really, and how ironic that millions of people would give anything to be a member of the royal family, while the second prince would do anything to get out of being one.”

there wasn’t very much to say, you thought, considering jaemin very rarely went into long, emotional speeches like this one. you’d never be able to understand, and you weren’t about to try. softly, so very softly, you whispered, “but you have me.” jaemin smiled softly, and slightly proudly at you. 

“yeah. yeah, i do.” and he did. he’s always had you, from the first day he sneaked into the kitchen for a taste of his birthday cake before he was supposed to, until- well, there isn’t an until if you’ll have his back forever, is there?

a cottage was beginning to come into view in the distance, a quaint little thing fit for no more than one person (or perhaps seven dwarves, no reference to snow white intended). the rain blurred your vision and wind whipped through your hair, but it was shelter, and so hand in hand, you ran towards it.

“to what honour do i owe the presence of the second prince at my humble abode?” a boy’s voice, sweet and melodic, came from behind you.

you jumped. “jaemin! i thought you said it was safe.” you hissed, clutching at jaemins arms. jaemin just shrugged. you sighed, keeping an eye on the strange boy. jaemin gripped your hand tighter, however.  

jaemin gestured vaguely around, staring at the auburn-haired boy with no small amount of skepticism, “i thought you’d be… older. like, an old lady.”

the boy scoffed. “who’s to say i’m not? witches don’t always have to be middle aged ladies with no fashion sense and even less hair. i’m donghyuck, by the way. come on in.” jaemin was still looking the boy up and down in curiosity, finally blurting out, “witches use umbrellas?”

“no, we’re waterproof,” donghyuck deadpanned, sarcasm filling his words.

“jaemin,” you frowned, “do you know him?” a quick shake of his head confirmed your suspicions. “then why,” you half-screeched into his ear, “do you assume he’s safe?”

“i’m not. i could turn you into a frog, if you want.” the boy suggested, waving a hand, making you flinch and jaemin move your smaller frame behind him. donghyuck moved a shoulder evenly up and down, “joking.” 

“that wasn’t funny!” you gasped. donghyuck moved his other shoulder up and down, doing a strange half-shrug again, “nobody gets my humour.” 

you followed him into the house, dripping water all over his doormat and the wooden planks of his floor, but not daring to move any further than that. donghyuck waved his hand, slamming the wooden door shut behind you and lighting the fire, “will the two of you stop looking so shocked? it’s not like i’m going to cook you for dinner, so why are you acting like you’ve never seen a witch before?”

“because we haven’t,” the note of childlike curiosity reappeared in jaemin’s voice, and you were glad his mind was taken off of his royal duties, “they were outlawed a long time ago.” “right,” donghyuck levitated a couple mugs of cocoa over to you, “i forgot, sorry.”

“so your existence is basically illegal, and yet you’re serving the prince of your kingdom hot chocolate in the middle of the thunderstorm like nothing’s wrong?” you sputtered in disbelief, though you didn’t actually splutter, of course; that was rather an expression authors liked using. “all in a day’s work,” donghyuck glanced at you again, “come in and stop dripping water on the mat. would you believe it, magically drying the mat is harder than magically drying the wood.” very honestly, you didn’t know what to make of that boy. 

you stood awkwardly, pressing yourself into jaemin’s side as you watched donghyuck bustle around his house, ironically not unlike an old lady. “so, ummm, could you show us some magic or something?”

“like drying our clothes,” jaemin added, motioning to the soaked fabric draped over his body.

“they’ll dry, just sit by the fireplace. in the meantime, i can show you a soulmate spell if you’d like to see it. it’s one of the easier and prettier spells, so i think you’d enjoy it, even if it’s highly unlikely it would work. soulmates are rare things, and even rarer are soulmates who discover each other and the fact that they are soulmates. so i’ll do it, but if you two don’t turn out to be soulmates, don’t be disappointed. if you do, there isn’t going to be a flash of golden light and a shower of sequins either, so don’t get your hopes up.”

“you’re saying like what would happen is one of us would die and suddenly come back to life.” you sarcastically commented, but eyes growing wide as the moon above when donghyuck looked around nervously. 

“well…” he started, but you held up a hand. 

“excuse me, what. come again?”

“let me just show you.” donghyuck sighed, and got up, grabbing a book from the large shelf pushed against the wall. he flipped through a few pages carefully, and let out a satisfied “ah,” when he found the correct page in the yellowing book. “the concept of soulmates hath been the strongest bond known to man since the beginnings of time. for the true blossoming of true love takes place when the eyes of soulmates transform into colours of the fall. time and time again, history older than anything thou or i could ever imagine hast proven that soulmates are rare, ones who know about them even more so. for thee, the pair who is reading this, thou art soulmates. it would be an insult to fate and everyone who cannot experience such a connection to not realise your feelings. thou hath one month to realize feelings or one half of the pair will be fated to a cruel ending. as mere mortals, we do not make the rules. nobody can help thee except the other, but fear not. you are soulmates. you have a bond. said bond shalt be enough, if thou realises it.” haechan read, rubbing the thin, old pages of the book between careful fingers. you glanced over at jaemin who was shifting his weight back and forth, not knowing where to put his feet. “so, basically,” donghyuck started, ignoring jaemin’s nervous state. “if your soulmate doesn’t acknowledge their feelings for you, or you don’t, one of you would basically die.” he shrugged. your mouth dropped open. how in the world was he so calm about it? “what the fuck? they could die?” jaemin seemed to share your sentiment.

“what is a fuck?” donghyuck furrowed his eyebrows together, evidently confused as to what this strange new word meant. jaemin faltered, taken aback, “wait, dude, you look like you’re, what, seventeen, and you have no idea what fuck means?” donghyuck looked at jaemin like he was an idiot, “never gotten the chance to interact with a lot of other seventeen year olds.” jaemin nodded solemnly, “can relate. only got this loser for a friend.” jaemin hooked a thumb in your direction. you rolled your eyes. 

“let us begin the spell! i feel like i’m conducting a child gender reveal party,” he exclaimed happily, rubbing his hands together with glee. you held up your hand.

“hold the fuck up, you’re not performing this spell! one of us could DIE!” you exclaimed.

“there’s the word fuck again. kinda catchy.” donghyuck tested it out under his breath. “any other new words?” he asked. jaemin opened his mouth, no doubt to actually teach donghyuck how to swear, and well, you weren’t exactly opposed to letting him, but not dying came higher than teaching people you just met how to swear on your priority list.

“don’t worry. there’s only a slight chance that you’re soulmates anyway, and it’s better to know than to remain in oblivion. i’m not kidding.” “ignorance is bliss?” you suggested, desperate to stop donghyuck. “no, y/n. i think… if we indeed are soulmates, we deserve to know. i want to at least know why i died if i do suddenly die.”

“i have heard of that saying, y/n, was it? say, can fuck be used as a noun, a verb or an adjective?” “any way you want,” jaemin grinned, “reality can be anything you wish it to be!” “sweet,” donghyuck plonked a cauldron of unknown origin onto the table, “i like that word already.”

pulling a ladle out of seemingly nowhere, donghyuck pointed said ladle at you, “what’s your favourite flower?” you stared at him blankly, “you need that for the spell? i don’t really have a preference.” donghyuck rolled his eyes, “no, i was just curious. if you’re interested, your aura says daisy and jaemin’s absolutely screams carnations. for the record, i have zero idea what those flowers mean, but who cares?” he waved an arm over the cauldron which then proceeded to bubble, pushing dandelions and carnations to the surface. white. all white. “pretty enough, i suppose. i don’t usually give my services discounted, so you can just teach me some new words and it’s a deal.”

as you thought back, you did have a small memory of making flower crowns with jaemin. you often made daisy crowns, while jaemin’s were, as far as you knew, carnations. they were always given to you, all his carnation-based flower accessories: crowns, necklaces, bracelets. 

you were jerked back to the present and away from distant memories as jaemin helpfully, or not so helpfully, instructed donghyuck on how to swear, “so, motherfucker is a noun. the verb equivalent is motherfucking, but that’s usually used as an adjective anyway. can also be shortened to mf. bitch is a more female-specific curse word since its original meaning was something along the lines of female dog.”

“i thought dogs were nice,” donghyuck pointed a finger aggressively at the bubbling liquid inside the cauldron, flowers obscuring most of its contents, “this always takes way too fucking long to boil so i can’t do anything. how perfectly bitchy of it.” jaemin’s face lit up with that mischievous smile you were so used to, “you’re a natural!” “why, thank you.” you had to be imagining things. either that, or your ears were waterlogged. shaking your head wildly, all you got was a headache, so no, your ears weren’t waterlogged. and so the two boys before you were complimenting each other casually on their ability to swear, even as one’s existence was against the law and the other was the prince of your kingdom. because that was not… strange. not strange at all.

“why don’t you teach him things like crap, hell and damn? why… fuck and bitch?” donghyuck had settled into an armchair by the fire, snapping his fingers every minute or so to keep the cauldron’s contents boiling, “you want to learn the interesting shit. like, you know, if i can learn shit and motherfucker then why am i learning crap and hell and damn? they sound lame compared to bitch, fuck and shit.” donghyuck shrugged, you sighed, and jaemin nodded like he’d birthed and raised donghyuck for seventeen years just for this moment. 

“i mean, my parents don’t let me curse, but it’s fun to see them mad sometimes.” jaemin shrugged. you shook your head at the boy next to you (we shall omit the fact that he learnt half his curse words from you, and the other half from the legendary crown prince’s speech in which he accidentally swore half a dozen times in front of the whole nation. doyoung got grounded, but it made jaemin, and by extension you, developed a heck of a lot more respect for him.) you watched quietly as the two boys exchanged details about their lives and excitedly swore together. unconsciously, you started shivering again, your clothes still not quite dry. jaemin noticed, and picked up the blanket laid across his lap, wrapping it around your shoulders, making sure the blanket was secure around you before turning back to donghyuck. you learnt he also liked to be called haechan or hyuck, lived out here all his life, and didn’t know much about the kingdom from having to stay hidden from the world. jaemin’s expression held a hint of guilt, knowing that he was a member of the family that had caused huyck's plight.

“ooh! the spell is done!” hyuck clapped, and scrambled to his feet, once again doing the weird shrug thing, skipping over to the cauldron. his hair bounced and jaemin snickered while you quieted him. you shrank back into the couch as the sounds from the caldron became louder and donghyuck’s eyes started to sparkle. jaemin grabbed your hand, palms slightly sweaty. donghyuck peered into the large metal bowl, and smiled. his smile made you a bit uneasy. 

“ready?” he asked the two of you, and jaemin nodded while you hesitated. 

“yes.” 

nothing happened for a moment and haechan waved his hands over the flower-filled water, mumbling some ancient words. you watched, eyes wide, as the water came out in a stream, winding around the circumference of the small cottage, and then around you and jaemin’s hands. you gasped, as the water was ice cold though it was boiling just moments ago. a daisy settled on jaemins wrist, wrapping around it tightly. a carnation wrapped around your finger, like it’s own special promise to you. jaemin frowned.

“is that supposed to mean something?” he asked, tugging at the flower. it didn’t move or tear. haechan eyes doubled in size as his eyes zeroed in on the flowers. 

“you’re… you’re soulmates.” 

jaemin stood there in shock, and shook his head. “no way. we’re best friends.” he protested. your heart was slightly crushed, as you liked him for a few months now. who wouldn’t? “we can’t be soulmates. no way.” he shook his head again, as if to clear away the water clogging his ears. you let go of jaemin’s hand. your heart was hammering, matching the raindrops that pelted to the ground.

“are.. are you sure?” you asked, voice wavering. haechan nodded. your hands were shaking now, and jaemin was ignoring you. “can i… may i lie down?” you asked, twirling a finger around your long strands of hair. donghyuck nodded, pointing you to what you assumed to be his room. as you slipped off, you heard jaemin and donghyuck whisper something together.

the next few days you didn’t see much of jaemin, only when he came out of the library to get food. even those days were rare, as he often ate in there, or brought his lunch in during the morning. and each day, jaemins face looked more and more pale. the flowers had vanished, though they left marks on where they rested just a week ago. you cast a glance down the empty hallway to the library, feet hesitating. you made up your mind, pushing open the large oak doors and… found jaemin passed out on the ground. 

you gasped, rushing over and checking his temperature. it was abnormally normal, though he was sweating. you called a maid over, and soon you found yourself in the hospital wing. how were you going to break it to his parents that their younger son was sick because you two were soulmates. the thought itself was ridiculous.

“is jaemin okay?” well, fuck you, he’s obviously not. an undertone of worry was detected from the trained calmness of doyoung’s voice. the king and queen had yet to arrive, and doyoung stood behind you, hand resting on your shoulder in a slightly failed attempt to calm you. quick breaths left you, panic filling your mind and cluttering your lungs. the crown prince patted at your shoulder awkwardly, turning to leave as he couldn’t really do much. besides, it was fairly obvious the two of you needed to be alone.

as the day faded into night, jaemin was still, not moving as you watched him, hands grasping at your hair. this was all your fault. no, it was that bitch of a witch named donghyuck. he cast the spell. you wanted to blame jaemin for not accepting that you were soulmates, and now he was going to die because of it. 

obviously, you hadn’t had a soulmate before. but you could sense it, you knew that no matter what jaemin had done, you wouldn’t be able to stay mad at him. to love so hard you’re falling, but you know you’re flying. you’re not there yet, definitely not. there was an inkling of the possibility of that happening, though. you barely blamed jaemin for everything (which was mostly his fault anyway), and staring at the pale complexion of the boy in front of you, you couldn’t bring yourself to stay angry. you slipped your hand into his (see? can’t help it. this was all because you were soulmates, and totally not because you just wanted to.), and as storybook-esque as it was, it felt so right. a maid brought you dinner, but you couldn’t bring yourself to scoop the rice and noodles into your mouth. your stomach was protesting, but you didn’t care, resting your head on your arm, you clutched jaemin’s hand tightly. tears pricked at your eyes, and this time, you didn’t stop them. 

doyoung came by again in the morning and found you awake, dark blue and purple eyebags obnoxiously present. “have you been here the whole night?” you stretched, not letting go of jaemins limp hand, back aching from the uncomfortable position you were in for the whole night.

“is there a wrong answer?” you asked, yawning as you spoke. doyoung sighed, rubbing at his temples. 

“he’ll survive, y/n. it’s just sickness. we have the best doctor-”

“it’s not just a sickness!” you snapped, fire igniting in your stomach, the need to protect haechan slowly shrinking. you found yourself telling the oldest prince everything from getting caught in the rain, jaemin having a breakdown, the walk in the woods, to finding the cottage, and even the witch you encountered, though his existence was very much illegal. doyoung listened. he listened to every word, and nodded along, though his eyes were slowly going from panicked to angry.

“so, you found a witch, donghyuck, was it?” you nodded in confirmation, death gripping jaemin’'s hand. if he ever woke up he would for sure scold you for making his dominant hand ache. “he cast a soulmate spell, and jaemin didn’t accept. so now the gods are punishing him?” you nodded again. doyoung sighed, rubbing at his temples again. you watched anxiously, worried for donghyuck’s safety.

“could you get donghyuck to come here?” doyoung asked. that is not what you were expecting. blinking nervously, you nodded. you remembered the path jaemin took, right? if not, you could just shout. 

“do you promise not to kill him? or like, arrest him? he’s an annoying motherfucker, but i think jaemin would be sad if you did,” you inhaled. doyoung nodded with a perfectly straight face. “he could turn you into a frog.” you added, deciding to trust him. doyoung looked a bit shocked, but you reluctantly stood up. “i’ll be back.” you whispered to jaemin, leaving doyoung to look after his brother. 

setting off in the woods alone was scarier than you thought. shivering, you really wished you had jaemin in that moment. really wished. the sooner you got to donghyuck, the sooner he would be better, right? wrong.

“what do you mean you can’t remove the spell?” you shrieked, panic filling you once again. donghyuck looked sorrowful, and doyoung was standing with his arms crossed off in the corner. 

“i can’t, i’m sorry, y/n. jaemin has to realize he loves you for the sickness to go away. and either way, all my spell did was prove that the two of you were soulmates. the sickness stems from the heavens” 

“i have to what?” jaemin’s voice cracked slightly from not using it for the past few days. “jaemin!” you practically sobbed, hand clenching around his fingers from where you’d reached for them unknowingly. he squeezed back weakly, coughing. “what do i have to do?” 

“realize you love y/n.” haechan said simply. 

“i don’t think it works like that!” your voice came out slightly higher than usual, laughing nervously to stop jaemin from feeling uncomfortable. he had to, love didn’t work as such. you just didn’t decide to go, ‘okay today i have decided i love y/n!’ jaemin looked at donghyuck with visible confusion. all haechan offered was a half shrug in return. 

“what happens if i don’t?” jaemin whispered. haechan glanced at doyoung, nervous that someone so high and regal was standing in the same room as him - jaemin didn’t count, seeing as he’d spent the first hour of knowing hyuck teaching him to swear, and he wasn’t the crown prince anyway - if he did or said the wrong thing, he would definitely get executed. 

“we’ll get there when we get there. how long does he have?” doyoung asked. you gripped jaemin’s hand tighter, nervous of the answer. “it… depends?” donghyuck offered. doyoung scowled. “very helpful.” “i’m sorry, i’ve never had to deal with this kind of fuckery before,” donghyuck waved his hands around, “okay, swear i’m not doing magic, but i really didn’t cause any of this. okay. maybe a bit. but it would have happened anyways.” your eyebrow lifted. 

“what do you mean, anyways?” jaemin asked, frowning.

“the soulmate spell only helps the soulmates find each other. and gets the show on quicker, but a year from now, the same thing would’ve happened.” haechan explained, still waving a hand. doyoung’s eyebrows knitted together. “so, jaemin and y/n should spend as much time together as they can.” hyuck concluded. 

“and die faster?” jaemin snarled. haechan shook his head quickly, eyes straying to the other royal member in the room.

“no, if you spend more time together, then it’ll slow down until you realise you’re in love. usually, you get only a week, but if you spend every day together, it’s up to… a month?” haechan shrugged, letting the slightest hint of resentment slip into his voice, “maybe i’d know better if i actually could come out of hiding to be taught by more experienced witches. my work here seems to be done anyway, adios!” it was like donghyuck was born to be a showman. he ripped the curtains off and disappeared under them with a flash, letting the rich fabric settle slowly to the ground. doyoung sighed. 

“well, you guys heard what he said. spend as much time together as you can.” doyoung shrugged. “and jaemin, try not to die.” doyoung added, a small smile playing at his lips, like he knew something you didn’t. jaemin nodded, head thrown back onto the plush pillows. you frowned, jaemin usually loved to hang out with you. something definitely changed over the last few weeks.

try not to die, he said. well, you were definitely dying inside. and jaemin wasn’t getting any better, coughing, occasional throwing up, and sneezing. he barely could keep his food down, let alone sit up without any help. it worried you. it worried you a lot more than you let on. to say things were awkward was putting it lightly. everyone avoided the two of you, seeing the tension held over your and jaemin’s heads. you started to get fed up after a few days. 

“what happened? aren’t you supposed to be with jaemin?” doyoung asked as you stormed downstairs. 

“he’s not talking to me. what’s the harm in taking a small break?” you exhaled, running a hand through your now messy hair. doyoung frowned, the worry lines creasing his forehead. “don’t worry, i’m going back to the ward in half an hour. it’s just so… infuriating.” you ranted to the crown prince, resting your head on the stairwell railing. doyoung had stopped you half way down the stairs. “we’re soulmates for god's sake! can’t he just… talk to me? when did he start to see me as a bother? when did he… start to hate me? it’s like we never were friends. i miss him, doyoung. i miss my best friend. i miss his smile, his laugh, his weird antics, i miss my jaemin.” you whimpered, tears pricking your eyes for the third time today. jaemin being sick and ignoring you while, quite literally, on his deathbed did not help. especially since you two were soulmates. 

“when did you start to fall in love with him?” doyoung questioned softly. you thought for a moment. when did you truely start to love jaemin? not in the rain. not when you had your first fight when you saw him. no, it started a while ago. when jaemin started to grow up. when you stopped making flower jewelry and when he started to give you real gems. when? you weren’t exactly sure. maybe you always loved him. maybe he always loved you. but when would he figure that out? doyoung just nodded, understanding your confused gaze, unfocused and misty-eyed. he stood up, brushing his black slacks and deep red shirt. “give him a bit. jaemin is a bit slow with these kinds of things.” you only nodded in response, mindlessly walking back to the ward jaemin was residing in. 

jaemin still was not getting any better the next few days. he still refused to talk to you, only nodding or rolling his eyes as a response to you trying to start to converse. you were starting to lose hope. 

you were surprised to see him lying on the cold tiled ground. 

“jaemin, why are you on the ground? you should be in bed. it’s cold out.” you scolded, moving towards him. jaemin held up a hand, draping his hands over his stomach.

“the floor is nice and cold,” he uttered, sighing with relief as the tile cooled his sweaty body down. you frowned, huffing. jaemin, once again, did not listen.

“the ground is dirty. i can turn down the heat-” jaemin cut you off. 

“shut up! i’m dying, i don’t care if the ground is dirty!” jaemin hissed, and you backed up, saddened by his tone. jaemin didn’t notice, too busy coughing into his elbow to notice your state.

“you’re not going to die,” you whispered, and jaemin moved his elbow away. “you’re not. i refuse to let you. i don’t care if you don’t love me right now, but you’re my soulmate, jaemin. soulmate. do you know how many people wish to have soulmates? jaemin, i’ve been by your side since we were in diapers. we played in the mud together. we got in trouble together. we did everything together,  jaemin. i watched you grow up. i watched you become more responsible. i watched, and i waited for you to confess. but you never did, so now you’re sick, and it’s all your fault. don’t push the blame on me, on donghyuck, or on anyone. this is on you. if you want to sit here and wallow in your self-pity, go ahead. i’m tired, jaemin. i tried to give you time, but you only have three weeks left. i don’t…” you choked on your words. “i don’t know what i’ll do if you ever die suddenly.” you whispered, backing out of the door. jaemin struggled to his feet, but you were already gone, ends of your hair and dress flowing behind you. 

he stared at the empty spot where you’d been just moments before, feeling the same emptiness in his heart. bitterness welled up from within him. he wasn’t that dumb either, but love just didn’t work that way. just because some spell told you that you were soulmates didn’t necessarily mean that with a magical click of your fingers you’d stare into each others eyes and sappily declare your everlasting love.

doyoung stepped out from nowhere, looking around with a confused expression, “where’s y/n? i swear i saw her here just a few minutes ago.”

“hey, hyung.” doyoung hummed in response. jaemin sat up with some difficulty, holding a hand up to stop doyoung from trying to help him, “what if this sickness has got nothing to do with the soulmate fuckery? what if i just, uh, have the plague or something?”

“have the plague or something,” doyoung drawled sarcastically, “the last time the plague was going around was, like, a hundred years ago.” jaemin winced.

“or maybe i have cancer.”

“or maybe,” doyoung narrowed his eyes at his brother, “you’re just being a fatheaded dick who can’t come to terms with the fact that you’re soulmates with your best friend, and have to realise your love for each other so you don’t suddenly stop breathing!” doyoung stalked out of the room without a single word, pausing to seemingly contemplate whether slamming the (very heavy) oak door would help prove his point. he very intelligently settled on just stamping his foot. it made him look like a child, but jaemin hadn’t seen doyoung this upset in a while. and frankly, it got him thinking a bit. 

you walked into the hospital wing as usual without greeting jaemin. it wasn’t like you got a reply anyway. “hey,” the prince offered as you took up your usual spot by his bed with a book, a clear indication that you didn’t want conversation. 

your eyebrows twitched a little. granted, you weren’t expecting him to say anything, but it must be a testament to your friendship if your little blow up had at least gotten jaemin to think a little. you stared pointedly down at the book you didn’t even know the title of.

“y/n.” still no response. “you’re holding the book upside down,” jaemin sighed.

furious with yourself, you flipped the book the right side up again, “you don’t want to talk to me. stop forcing yourself to.”

“i do want to talk to you, okay? i don’t particularly want to die either, the soulmates idea is just hard to stomach.”

“what, does loving me sound so bad? am i so unlovable?” you slammed your book closed, trying not to choke on the shower of dust that came with it. logically, you shouldn’t be getting mad. jaemin was just trying to make things better, but he sounded so forced. “you sound so forced to do this, jaemin.”

“oh, are you getting mad at me now? you were sad because i wasn’t talking to you, and now you’re mad because i am! what the fuck am i supposed to do?” jaemin glared at you from underneath the covers, “i’m trying, okay? i thought you said you didn’t want me to die!”

“i don’t want you to die!” you hissed back at him, tears springing to your eyes again.

“are you crying again? if every time we talk you get that sad, then maybe you should just let me die!”

you dusted yourself off and ran out of the room, not even bothering to give jaemin an answer. why didn’t he get it? it’s not that hard to understand! (when else but) on your way out, you bumped into (who else but) doyoung, crying (what else but) angry tears. again. you really had to stop doing that.

to nobody in particular, doyoung whispered, “why are they so angsty?”

“we need to talk,” doyoung declared the moment he walked into the room in one of the pockets of time that you weren’t in it. jaemin looked up from the extremely interesting loose thread on his blanket and nodded, “what about?”

“y/n.”

jaemin’s expression darkened in a nanosecond. “no,” he practically growled, “not her again. i can figure this out myself, doyoung hyung! you don’t have to help me.”

“if you can figure this out yourself, the two of you wouldn’t be the embodiment of every sad angsty book ever written.”

“it’s our way of coping with things.” the words sounded fake even to jaemin’s own ears.

“no,” doyoung deadpanned, “don’t fuck around with me.” he hissed, “you know she cries every time you give her unwanted insults. let’s count how many times i ran into her, sometimes quite literally, in the hallway with her crying. one, the day you two got lost in the woods. two, when you were passed out and unresponsive, three, a few days after you woke up and weren’t talking to her, four, literally yesterday after you basically told her she was unlovable.” doyoung held up his fingers mockingly and it felt like jaemin had just been slapped in the face. “four times, na jaemin. four times you fucked up, four times y/n felt worthless, four times more than needed. four times. thats more than anything that happened in the last 16 years of your friendship. four times in less than a month. get your shit together, jaemin.” doyoung snapped, and spun around on his heel. jaemin felt like everyone was against him at this point. 

a week passes and hey, what did you know? some improvement was showing. you and jaemin could hold, an (albeit very awkward, but still) a conversation. it was a relief to you, but you were slightly suspicious of him. jaemin still couldn’t look you in the eyes, glancing away or inspecting his nails. but you couldn’t ask anymore of him, he went from straight out ignoring you, to asking how your day went. jaemin sent you a small smile, fiddling in his seat. 

“how… how are you?” jaemin asked, glancing at your features shyly. you smiled, though it felt more forced than genuine. 

“i’m good. have you been getting better?”

“well, you know. not really,” jaemin shrugged, not looking at you, “it hasn’t been getting worse either, though.”

you ignored the way jaemin was pointedly avoiding your gaze and offered a half smile you didn't really mean, “the weather isn’t very good today, is it?” the weather hadn’t been really good for the past week or so. even if you weren’t spending every waking (and sleeping) moment by jaemin’s side, you wouldn’t have been able to go out of the castle. the relentless rain pouring down on the windows made sure of that.

“y/n, i still think we have to talk.” jaemin’s expression turned serious, “i know i’ve been a dick these few weeks, and i’m not even going to try excusing myself for that. but i want you to know that no matter what, i still treasure you a lot as my best friend. i think i just need time - okay, admittedly we haven’t got very much of that left, about a week and a half or so, but i struggle with feelings. i really struggle a lot and it’s overwhelming and i miss you so much, i miss talking to you not-awkwardly and i want our old relationship back.”

you promised yourself you weren’t going to cry again, because god knows you’ve cried too much. “okay then,” you laughed lightly, “if you’re going to make this a deep sentimental talk, just know that i’m willing to wait for you for as long as you need. sadly this isn’t up to me.”

jaemin remained silent for a bit, taking in what you just said. when he spoke again, you were shocked. “do you think i love you?”

you cocked your head, “what i think doesn’t matter. the question is what do you think?”

“i want to know what you think.”

knowing he wasn’t going to let you go until you told him so, you sighed, “i think you do.”

“platonically or romantically?”

“my father wants my help in the kitchens, your highness. i’ll see you later.”

it was raining again, and you didn’t show up in his room like normal. jaemin was worried, and he got out of his bed clumsily, grabbing a cane, which he winced at. he looked like an old man with it. drawing back the heavy velvet curtains, the glass of his widow was covered in water droplets, all racing to the window sill. jaemin spotted you running around the courtyard, mouth open with a muted laugh and eyes sparkling even though you were soaked to the skin. jaemin found himself smiling, watching you with fond eyes. his senses kicked in, and he realized. he was truly, and utterly, with every fiber of his being, every cell in his body, in love with you. with his best friend. with the person who stuck by him all these years. who loved all his flaws and imperfections. he, na jaemin, second prince in line, never to sit on the throne (he didn’t mind that part), was in love with you. a cook's daughter, a commoner, but most importantly, his soulmate. 

when you came inside, your teeth were chattering and you were shivering all over, but it was the happiest you’d felt in a while. nothing was better than dancing in the rain, really, except dancing in the rain with jaemin. that now… that was a hundred times better, but na jaemin was sick, so you’d have to forgo that. practically waltzing into jaemin’s room, you grinned at him, your good mood making you forget all the awkwardness. he was just your best friend, your best friend of so many years. awkwardness who?

“jaems!” it might have been the prior realization of love making jaemin completely disregard any tension that might have been between the two of you earlier, but he grinned back at you just as happily as you’d greeted him, “y/n!” he frowned, pretending he hadn’t been watching you from his window just a few minutes prior because that was borderline creepy, “why are you all wet?”

“i danced in the rain. oh god, jaemin, do you remember that time when we were dancing together in the rain and then decided to use a banana leaf as an umbrella but we got wet anyway? and then-” 

“and then,” jaemin picked up seamlessly from where you left off, the grin not disappearing, “doyoung hyung came to check on us because he was scared we’d catch colds from running around in the rain all day. then we slipped and fell into the mud, splashing him all over.”

you laughed, a light tinkling sound that reminded jaemin again of why he loved you, “i swear the mud mask made his skin better.”

jaemin practically screeched with laughter, “you mean you’ve been looking at my brother’s skin?”

the overwhelming love and affection you felt for your best friend in that moment, both platonically and romantically, made you throw your arms around him, instantly soaking him through with your wet clothes. somehow, the two of you ended up sprawled on his bed. 

“you know what? i love you.” jaemin sighed, snuggling into your embrace. your ears burned red. 

“you.. you what?” you asked timidly. you really hoped jaemin said what you thought he said. jaemin smiled, leaning back more, adjusting the position the two of you were in. you now were snuggled into his chest, sighing as you felt your eyelids droop. jaemin chuckled lowly, and pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

“i’ll be here when you wake up.” he whispered softly. you fell asleep, mind calm for once. 

“jaemin- okay, you can explain why y/n’s soaking your bedsheets through and the both of you are completely drenched in rainwater first,” doyoung arched an eyebrow, “have y’all finally gotten your shit together?”

“i think i love her, hyung,” jaemin’s arm curled protectively around you, “really.”

doyoung clicked his tongue, shaking his head in disapproval, “you think? be sure of it, jaems. i’ve practically raised the two of you and watched you grow up, and now you say you only think you love her?”

“i love her.” jaemin struggled to hold back the laugh that was threatening to spill out of his chest. “i love her!” he repeated again, louder this time. seeing the finger doyoung had to his lips, he quietened down to prevent waking you up, “thank you, hyung. for knocking some sense into me.”

doyoung smiled, “anytime. it’s my job, after all. now, i think you two need some alone time. see you at dinner, i truly doubt you’ll still be sick.”

you were awakened by the sound of the door closing. rubbing your eyes tiredly, you looked around, disoriented, “did someone come in?”

“it’s nothing, y/n. just a servant. sleep, i love you.”

you yawned, “i love you too.” and you snuggled back under the covers with him, acting like it was the most natural thing to do in the world.

“hey,” jaemin whispered in your ear, waking you up gently, “i hate to have to wake you up, but dinner’s in a few. my parents want to see you too, apparently.”

you blinked the sleep away from your eyes, looking at his smiling face. waking up to jaemin’s smile was something you could get used to, you thought. “what?”

“i said, we have to go get ready for dinner. you too, yes, main banquet hall, my parents want to see you.”

your mouth dropped open, all thoughts of sleep gone, “i don’t have clothes suitable for a fancy dinner!”

“oh yes you do. wear that yellow dress with the sunflowers.”

“is that formal enough?”

“y/n, like, you’ve literally talked to my parents so many times. they watched you grow up. they’re not so different from doyoung and i.”

“but this is the first time meeting them as your girlfriend!” oh god, did you really just say that? you cringed inwardly. you hadn’t even put a label on the relationship yet. rushing to make amends, you stuttered out, “soulmate. i mean soulmate.”

“you’ve always been my soulmate. as for girlfriend, well, you can be if you want to, but we have explaining to do. now move! the entire bed is wet!”

with strength a sick person shouldn’t possess, jaemin threw you out of his bed playfully. you looked up in shock and happiness, “you’re well again! you’re not sick anymore!”

jaemin grinned down at you from his bed, “we realised our love. see you in twenty, adios, au revoir, zaijian, sayonara!” yelling at the top of his lungs, he pushed you out of his room and slammed the door, and you honestly couldn’t care less. you were flying (figuratively, of course), drunk on the sentiments of finally realising your feelings for your best friend and soulmate.

growing up in the castle had taught you some things about manners, especially when the queen insisted you attend some etiquette lessons together with jaemin (to keep him in check, she’d said). dropping into a deep curtsey in front of the royal family, you rose again when the king placed a warm hand on your shoulder, “get up, y/n. we’re all family here, there’s not need for such formalities. you never really did those before either.”

“i was eight and didn’t know much about manners,” you protested lightly as he steered you into your seat beside jaemin, then taking his own at the head of the table - the king’s seat.

you ate in silence and as fast as you could without being rude. nobody made a move to break the silence, so you sat and waited until the last of the plates had been cleared away by the servants, then leaned forward, “if it isn’t rude to ask, may i know why i’ve suddenly been called here for dinner?”

the queen smiled kindly at you, “of course not, dear. well, today we have two announcements to make, one of which concerns you.” she glanced at the king, who inclined his head at her with a smile as if to say “the floor is all yours, dear.” the queen turned back to you, and seeing the dying rays of last light hit her face, you were again reminded of how beautiful the queen was. “firstly, about doyoung. now, we all know that my dear son here is turning twenty one in a month’s time and has finished his education. and so, doyoung, my son, your father has decided to pass on the kingdom to you. the announcement to the people will happen in a few days’ time, if you agree, and the coronation shall be held on your birthday. you are a much beloved crown prince, and i am sure the news of your coronation will delight the kingdom. i do hope you accept. so,” she practically glowed with pride, staring at the shell-shocked prince, “do you?”

“it would be an honor, mother. but didn’t father say he enjoyed being king?” doyoung, the rightful heir to the throne and the one who’d been trained for this his entire life, looked shocked, to say the least. you couldn’t blame him; it must’ve felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

“your mother and i have long been dreaming of a proper honeymoon in the carribean. away from the eyes of the public,” his father’s voice boomed encouragingly.

“then yes, i accept,” doyoung’s eyes were shining with tears and you really hoped he wasn’t about to cry. knowing him, once he started crying, he wouldn’t stop and that would really… kill the mood. 

“cheers to king doyoung,” jaemin raised his glass of juice (seventeen is not of a legal age to consume alcohol) to the sky, looking elated for his brother, “and for heaven’s sake, king doyoung, don’t cry!”

doyoung sniffled a little, holding his own goblet of wine to his brother’s, “i won’t cry! thank you so much!”

“congratulations,” you grinned at doyoung, who’d been just as much your elder brother all these years as he’d been jaemin’s. just in the past month, he’d slapped the two of you so hard to get your shit together, and he should honestly be crowned fairy godmother of the year. except that he wasn’t old, didn’t have white hair pulled up into a bun, and (sadly) didn’t own wings.

“now for our second announcement. doyoung’s explained everything to us already, i hope you don’t mind.” doyoung grinned guiltily at you over the table - honestly! like he’d done anything wrong! “you’re obviously too young for marriage, but y/n, your parents, whom i’ve just talked to, and us - we give you all our blessings. let this relationship prosper!”

jaemin squeezed your hand in his assuringly with a victorious smile like he’d known all along that this would’ve happened. you choked back a sob of your own, “thank you! thank you so much.”

“we’ve never known that soulmates existed, but now that we do know, there isn’t a truer pair than you and y/n,” she addressed jaemin, “treat her well.”

“i swear, mother, you love her more than you love me,” jaemin half-groaned, ignoring his mother’s angelic smile and reply (“i do not! i merely prefer to be around her.”)

“to the new king and couple!” jaemin’s father raised his goblet for another cheer, and you downed your drink in one gulp. tilting your head to grin at jaemin, you thought there really couldn’t be any happier moment in the world.

©danishmiilk, 2020. ©astroboy-lele, 2020.

[cruelfeline]

So, I was admittedly distracted by something a little more... distressing, back in season four. Y’know: that bit where Hordak gets... Well; y’all know. Yes. But now that I’m re-watching various bits and pieces, I’ve realized exactly how much Bow’s friendship speech on Beast Island bothers me.

Though I may be misinterpreting it? Am I misinterpreting it? I don’t know.

I kind of hope I’m misinterpreting it

But to me, it feels as if, upon learning that Entrapta is giving up on friendship because she’s had such difficulty with it, Bow kind of... implies that she needs to work harder?

Is that what’s happening? Because that’s what it feels like.

Again: I may be misinterpreting. But I don’t know that I am? I mean, even his claim that the Alliance never gave up on Entrapta kind of... implies that she’s the one who gave up on them? Is that... is that right?

not even considering the fact that they’ve kind of not really cared about her for a season and a half... until she becomes potentially useful via a mass of magic needing defusing

Because if it is, then I’m not a fan. I’m not a fan at all.

I feel like Entrapta works so hard, throughout the series, to be a good friend. She just does it in a way that makes sense to her.

Back in season one, she tries to provide the Princess Alliance with weapons and technology in order to cement their friendship. She participates in their attempt to rescue Glimmer and Bow after the Princess Prom. She does her best to work with the group during their foray into the Fright Zone, despite their less-than-respectful way of dealing with her. She does her best. She tries. She endures their lack of clear communication in an effort to be useful and belong. 

And, for her troubles, she is left behind. Yes, it’s an accident. No, they don’t mean it. But, at the same time, they don’t go back to look. They don’t make sure. And Entrapta, whether intentionally or not, is left to her own devices in the Fright Zone.

Once there, she repeats her attempt at friendship-building. She again provides weapons and technological know-how, trying to use them as the foundation of a relationship because, well, that’s what she understands. That’s what she’s comfortable with, and that’s what she has to offer. So she does.

And it honestly works! She becomes friends with Scorpia. They seem to genuinely enjoy one another’s company: they talk about their (different) interests, engage in friendly physical contact, enjoy the anticipation of hot cocoa on one of their missions. Entrapta seems to make a legitimate connection with her, one that Scorpia canonically admits to missing.

Entrapta likewise befriends Hordak and develops a sweet, loving relationship with him. She connects with him in a way no one else ever has, owing both to her lack of fear and to her willingness to see humanity in a person everyone else writes off as a tyrannical monster. I don’t know that I need to say much more about this: we all acknowledge the wholesome, wonderful nature of Entrapdak.

She tries to befriend Catra, too, both by providing her with tech and by going so far as to petition Hordak to spare her after the Shadow Weaver incident.

My point regarding all of this is that Entrapta does try. She does work at it, attempting to be the best friend she can be. She enjoys an easy companionship with Scorpia (apparently being the only real friend the latter has had, by Scorpia’s own admission!). She falls in love with Hordak, entering into a mutual relationship that eventually gives him the strength to break from his abusive slavemaster of a god-brother. She tries to provide Catra with honest help, succeeding in helping her fulfill her Horde duties and actually saving her life.

And yet, with all of this effort, what happens?

Catra sentences her to death. There’s no way around this: it’s the only honest way to put it.

Scorpia ends up caring more about Catra than anyone else and subsequently allows Entrapta to be shipped off to Beast Island

Hordak... oh, by the gods, Hordak tries, but he ends up a victim of Catra’s manipulation and his own emotional pain. To his credit, he promptly loses his mind when he realizes what has happened. 

In the end? In the end, all of Entrapta’s work has led to multiple functionally failed friendships (well, Scorpia squeaks out a save... eventually) and one romantic relationship put on hold because of a tragic misunderstanding. And it’s not her fault. It’s not that she doesn’t work hard enough. It’s not that she thinks friendship is easy. It’s not that she gives up on people. Entrapta does try. She works hard with the tools and the understanding that she possesses. And despite all of that effort, she ends up on Beast Island anyway because Catra doesn’t value her, Scorpia doesn’t value her enough, and Hordak is too wounded to realize what’s happening

So this moment when Bow gives her this talk, when it sounds like he’s telling her that she needs to try harder and really work on friendship in order for it to happen for her... I just... is that really what this scene means? Because, if so, then it just falls so incredibly flat for me.

It falls so very flat, right alongside that uncomfortable moment in S5E2 when all of the princesses are furious with her, and she just doesn’t understand why, because in her mind, she’s been trying to help in the only way she knows how. And no one has clearly told her any other way, so how is she supposed to know?

Agh. I just really don’t like this implication that Entrapta has failed at friendship because she didn’t work hard enough. I don’t like this implication that she is the one that needs to buck up and try harder, when she has been putting forth an honest effort to understand people and give them useful things and interact pleasantly, even when said people refuse to communicate clearly with her.

And for pity’s sake, she’s a wonderful enough friend that she helps Hordak find the strength to take back his memories and his life and his name so that he can free himself and kill his god for her. That’s pretty damned successful, isn’t it?

needless to say Hordak is exempt from this entire pseudo-rant because he actually respects and reciprocates her efforts

So why does the Alliance continuously put forth this demand that she “work harder?” Why do the princesses constantly imply that she’s the one not trying, when they never actually try to understand her even one iota? Why does it always have to be Entrapta picking up the social pace and adapting to everyone’s demands?

And why doesn’t the narrative call out this gross discrepancy?

I can understand the characters engaging in this nonsense, but why doesn’t the narrative point it out for what it is? Why doesn’t the narrative mark it as unfair and wrong?

It’s a major aspect of Entrapta’s “friendship arc” that just doesn’t sit well with me. I feel like there’s this constant theme of “Entrapta needs to work harder to understand people” when she’s already working hard. She’s already giving it her all, but she’s the only one who is. It’s all so uncomfortably one-sided. The actual problem, to my eyes, is that no one save for one (1) grumpy clone is meeting her halfway, and the story just completely fails to recognize that.

[tacochippy]

please infodump about jackie. i love themb

I DO TOO FJJSJSJA

Before I say anything- I think this is infodumping- I am neurodivergent but I don't have adhd or autism specifically so if that's offensive please let me know:) also nothings concrete or set in stone. And sorry for the typos I'm tired and stupid(/j I am very smart and worthy of love),,

Okay SO. Gonna talk about all of it! :D

The year is 2022. Covid doesn't exist and the world is somewhat better than today, though still has the fundamental issues (capitalism and stuff, yk)

So. Onan distant planet, millions of light-years away in space, is a planet named Hectiine. This planet is safe, for the most part. There are multiple cities within, some more 'bad' than others but still considerably better than Earth in this story. Everybody from Hectiine is made of White Star Form- they look like swirls of bright white light and the tendrils of this white light stuff that makes up their being can move and shift. They can turn into more human looking bodies, as well as other simplistic lifeforms shapes. The art of shifting has been lost to the ages for the most part. The few that can shift however, are sent straight to the Capital City, basically a big city with important people.

(It's important to note that while this city is better, no city on Hectiine is bad by any means. Everybody's needs are met, and people have free time even when they run the society and work and whatnot.)

So, one of the main protagonists of this story, Miyakoi (me-a-koi)(Koi like the fish lol) Arderius Exdosii, discovers she can shift. She is about... 14 in earth years, and she discovers the shifting ability and has a lot of fun. I'll draw her regular pure White Star Form soon but for now have a picrew of her partly shifted and fully shifted form. (I can link the picrew if you want!:))

As soon as she discovers it she excitedly tells her family, and is told to pack. She's heading to the Capital! So cool. At the capital she learns of a prophecy-fortold by their Gods, proven to exist but not mean, and copied into multiple books.) Miyakoi is to meet one of the God's Priests, of the goddess of Vision and Sight, (their main one as she granted the people of Hectiine their vision without eyes and kickstarted the world.) and receive a Prophecy book. The priest sends her to earth, just as a scout she's not THAT special. So Miyakoi is caught up on what this means exactly- she is to head to earth, scout out a hero, and come back with the hero through any means necessary. She's not practiced enough to save the world but she still needs to help. One of the older, more trained, men will save the world.

The Prophecy is going to be written properly soon, I'm literally making this up as I go dknsskjdaa,,, but it essentially is about a hero being retrieved from Earth and brought to Hectiine to prepare for battle. The hero and a citizen of Hectiine- no specified characteristics- is to go with the hero to a different planet, Jinahul, to stop an [《?¿?》] from making the planets of the world disappear. The hero must be: Smart, Brave, Loyal, and Human.

The [《?¿?》] Is an 'untranslatable' word the preists decided ot mark as such. The reason this Prophecy is unknown is to stop panic- especially since the God's haven't spoken in decades about anything. The prophecy was told and wirtten in an ancient, barely comrphesnible language. Left to their own devices the priests and Council (I can talk about this world more later too if you want!:D) decided it best to pretend the gods were still active and the Prophecy doesn't exist.

The Prophecy is very vague, but has a lot of words and different translations as every city has a different unique way of writing and the ancient language issue.

So! Miyakoi heads to earth. There she gets some forged documents and struggles to learnt he ways of human life before this """school""" thing starts. She doesn't know what that is and spends an entire weekend catching herself up to be ready for-what she now knows as- grade 8. In her first class, Art, her new favourite she decides, she meets another student. She's the cliche "nice pretty girl with good grades" from what she can tell. She seems like a good enough candidate, so Miyako I tries befriending her. She sees instances of the girl, Sophie Basil Richards she learns is her name, stand up for her friends. She isn't yet confided of Sophie- and consults her copy of the prophecy a lot.

She also meets Jackie. Jackie is a more mischievous student, and definitely a slacker, but still has the qualities of a hero. Miyakoi doesn't have a time limit, so she chooses to observe both Sophie and Jackie. Jackie has a good heart, and they're a nice person after a bit. (Pretend I gave Jackie pupils here for when she's on earth fkjdjsjs)

Miyakoi decides on Jackie. She's seen Jackie defend her friends, never falling to throw a punch when they deem it's needed. Jackie is headstrong and from her observations and excessive note-taking is the perfect candidate. Theyre smart and brave and loyal and they're so lovely it almost hurts. Mind set, Miyakoi sends a note Jackie's way. "south bathroom in 10". There miyakoi will wait and be in her part form. She waits and waits and the door opens, miyakoi turning to see the hero, the one who she'll send home with her-

Clearly distracted, "uh... I was told to meet you here in 10? Uh-"

Sophie.

It was Sophie.

She had walked in. To see this. Floating mass of white glowing tendrils??? Miyakoi shifting looks like her face melting off. So then Sophie sees her friends face reverse-melt off. Sophie freezes, seeing the second half of the shift, and she's frozen in place.

Thus, the adventure starts.

Most of this was world building and stuff- I'M LITERALLY THINKING IT UP AS I WRITE THIS KFNDKENEKDHDIEHEIHE- and it's a LOT bestie. This lives in my mind rent free istg.

[castiels-majestic-wings]

HISTORY

Paring - Loki x Reader

Word count - 2,124

Warnings - None

This is my first fanfic so please don't be too harsh, but I would greatly appreciate some of your opinions on how i can improve my writing. Thank you.

It had been three days since you came to Asgard. Thor had offered to take you after hearing that your thesis was on Asgusrdian History. He had explained that the library was full of ancient knowledge. Of course it was mostly in Old Norse, but he showed you the section you would be able to read and understand.

Being an unofficial member of the Avengers came in handy when it came to your University papers. Of course you helped them when the time came but you weren't a true Avenger, you were neither trained in combat nor held any special gifts. But you were a tactician. And a good one at that. You already knew Tony and when he had asked for your help on a mission, you had to accept. Of course school came first but you could never refuse Tony of the help he needed. Especially when his life was on the line. And you helped save his life. On many occasions. He had asked you so move into Stark tower after that. Of course then the Avengers came and you became friends with them all.

Steve was easy to get along with, he didnt understand most of the references you made but he's always there for you. It was easy to tell Natasha anything and everything, her being the only other girl on the team made it easy for you to open up ro her. Bruce was smart, you didn't understand most of the things he said but being around Tony so much made you understand a little more than the others. Clint was a father figure to you. You knew about his family already, so you always went to him for advice Steve couldnt give you. But you never really understood Thor, after all he came from a different realm. And after witnessing first-hand what his brother did in new york you had found it difficult to trust him, thinking if Loki was capable of doing that then the other god could obviously do so much more.

But these past three days have been very helpful, you have been stuck in the Library reading non stop. The history of Asgard was a lot more than you expected. Thousands of years worth of wars, protests, evolution. It wasn't much different from the history on earth. The development was the same. The first war was about taking land and Asgard had claimed it. The second was about beliefs and claiming the opposing opinion was always wrong. The third was about a king who couldnt rule. So the Asgardians fought against him until his son took over the throne and ruled over Asgard better than his father ever did. It intrigued you greatly to find that you weren't that much different.

But it was today that you found out Loki was in Asgard. It scared you of course. After seeing the genocide in New York you never wanted to face him again. But Thor had pleaded about Loki's change of heart, explaining that he wouldnt hurt you or anyone again. He gave his word. So you trusted him. But when Loki entered the Library, you couldnt deny the fear that had crawled its way up your back. He sat down across the room facing you but his eyes were focused on the book in his hands.

Looking at him, seeing him again. It brought back the memories of new york, the way his eyes darkened whdn he found you in Stark tower. Powerless and scared. You heard Tony speaking to you in the earpiece, asking for your next move. But you couldnt speak, Loki had his eyes on you. You knew you had to tell Tony somehow. So when he came close enough you muttered to yourself.

"L-loki." He heard the fear in you voice, saw it in your eyes. And he grinned. He enjoyed placimg fear into peoples hearts. And you despised him. You heard Tony yelling at Thor to try and get eyes on you from outside. You hears the panic in his voice. But Loki didnt do anything to you. He went back to the portal device to talk the professor he had under his control. You told Tony quietly where in the tower you were and that is what gave them the upperhand.

But looking at Loki right now. It shocked you, he looked so peaceful. Like New York never happened. You didnt understand. But Loki felt your gaze om him and looked up, his eyes meeting your own. Your eyes widened and you shot your head down to resume your reading, trying to hide away.

His gaze lingered trying to recall why he recognized you, and when he remembered he felt remorse. You were the only human he didnt try to hurt in New York. He didnt know why he couldn't, maybe it was the look on your face. Or the knowledge that you couldnt move in fear he would do something. He knew you wanted nothing to do with him. He could tell you were struggling to be in the same room as him so he took his book and left to his chambers so he wouldnt bother you. That action put many questions in your head. Why did he leave? Did he recognize me? Was he trying to be kind? You couldnt comprehend his actions, but were thankful none the less.

It had been a week and you had read most of the books you used to help with your thesis but the last one you needed you couldn't understand. It was in English but it was very confusing to you. You knew Thor couldnt help because he had other things to do. And the only people you really spoke to during your time here were the servants who Thor had sent to give you meals and remind you to sleep.

That gave you one more option that you dreaded to even think about. Loki. He obviously loves reading, he came in daily to change his book and left immediately after, and he was Asgardian so he knew the history. But you just didnt want to face him. Your history wasnt a good one. But you knew you needed help. And he was academically smarter than Thor. You knew which room was his, you asked just so you could avoid it. He had avoided you to make you feel safer - or that's what you presumed at least. It was the last bit of information you needed for your paper so you had to do it. The sooner you did, the sooner you could go back home.

So you bravely got up and headed to the side of the palace you avoided at all costs. The layout was almost mirrored so it was easy to get around. Then you found his door. You hesitated for a moment. Contemplating if you should even do this. You hand was balled into a fist ready to knock, before the door opened by itself. You looked up to see Loki's radient blue eyes looking down at you in confusion with a raised brow. You dropped your hand to your side. There was a silence between you before you spoke.

"I need your help." An amused grin appeared on his face his eyes never leaving your own.

"Oh? And what could i possibly help you with that my dear brother cannot" His voice was dripping with sarcasm, obviously amused at your request for assistance.

"I need help learning Asgardian history and no one i know is academically smarter than you. You-you come to the library daily to change your books, so- its obvious you like to read" You were surprised you could form a sentence, let alone two. He broke you away from your thoughts with a chuckle.

"Yes i enjoy reading, it would be a pleasure to help you darling" Darling? The way he said it made your heart skip a beat. Was it the intimating tone? Or the fact he gave you a nickname. You couldnt tell. But for the first time ever you gave him a genuine smile.

"Thank you very much. I left my stuff in the Library, i didnt think you would accept my request." This time it was a lot easier to talk. His eyes weren't as dark as they were that day in New York. They were calmer, at peace. They were bright and full of hidden stories you wanted to read.

"Why would i refuse the request of such a beautiful midgardian" Your breath got stuck in your throat. He complimented the very woman he had frightened years prior. That fear that had been knawing at you for years suddenly disappeared. He felt lile a different person entirely. Thor was right, he has changed. Tony wouldn't believe it though. He would never trust Loki, you knew him well enough to know that. But your opinion of him has completely changed.

"Lets go then, i only have two more days to complete my paper." He nodded and closed his door leading the way even if you already knew where you were going, you didnt mind. You stayed by his side holding a small conversation until you made it to the Library. You sat down and explained what you didnt understand, he simplified the context so I would be able to gather the information I needed. You were just about finished when Thor came to check up on you. He was shocked to see you not just near Loki but speaking to him. He knew of your dislike for him so he didnt know what to do. You were facing the pages of the book so you didn't see him enter. He made his presence known by closing the door he had previously left open. You looked up and smiled as you saw him. You hand automatically gave him a snall wave before returning to your notebook.

"What are you doing here brother?" Thor obviously wanted answers so you didnt give Loki a chance to.

"He's helping me learn about Asgardian history! He simplified it so I was able to understand much better. Plus hes very knowledgeable."

"So you're okay? Being with him after last time i thought-"

"Yeah I mean I hesitated to even ask for help but I'm glad I did. Plus he has some very funny stories fron your childhood too. The stabby snake one is my favourite." You saw Thor's frown deepen knowing that Loki shared embarrassing stories of himself. But he was happy nonetheless. You were able to talk to his brother without the fear if getting hurt.

"How long do until your research is complete? Tony has asked me to escort you home once your done with your studies." You shrugged in response.

"Not long, about two hours or so." A smile made its way to your lips knowing youll be able to go home. But you heart ached at the thought of leaving Loki after befriending him so suddenly.

"But will Loki be able to come with us? He taught me so much about Asgard I want to show him earths history. I can take him to the museum I took you to when you were first curious." Thor was pondering your request to take his brother to the avengers tower alongside you. How would Tony react knowing you feared his brother? Would the rest of the avengers be okay with it.

"Theres a spare room across from mine he could stay in durin his visit. C'mon Thor. Please, its not very often that i get over my fears." You're eyes pleaded to him. Begging for him to say yes. You needed to talk to Loki about the modern literature on earth. You had plenty of books in your own room you could let him borrow. And it seemed like Thor knew he couldnt win this fight.

"Alright, Loki can you escort her home once you're done?" Thor had put every ounce of trust he had into his brother. He knew you weren't capable of combat but he also knew how similar the two of you were.

"Of course brother. I shall take good care if her, you need not worry." And then Thor took his leave. It was a good idea to bring Loki with you. Once you got home Tony was less than pleased at the sight of Loki, he begged you to hate him again and make him leave. But you wouldn't. You had to many things to show him. You had so much in common plus, in the short amount of time that you trusted him, he may have found his way into your heart.

[awesome-cookies-and-cream]

Reki and Langa’s dynamic

It’s speculation at my part and a shameless rant on what i like about sk8 just to get it off my chest I’ve been so fixated help

it’s 5am I’m at uni and i have a shit ton to do, am I really gonna make an essay about sk8 instead? yes abso-fucking-lutely. strap on to your metaphorical skateboards kids. this is going to be long ride

this isn’t to call out anyone lol so in case you get that impression I’m sorry. I understand everyone is out to interpret media in whatever they like and that’s fine, but sometimes i feel like either some missed some points of the story? anyway here are my thoughts tho

alright so what i absolutely love about sk8 is how they didn’t make anyone into a genius.Genius is a mockery of the hardships everyone does to attain that level of skills. And no Langa is not a genius or a prodigy which I will explain later. I’ve seen enough shounen animes back in the day and usually it’s ‘annoying heart of gold beginner vs. calm and collected genius’ they usually hate each other’s guts and bicker all the time though secretly, deep down care for each other but would rather die than admit it dynamic. While I’m glad we’re moving past that, I really thought Reki and Langa would be like that so....

imagine my surprise when Langa was the ‘beginner’ in skating. He has the potential to be a second sasuke here lol. (blue, handsome, cool) but no he isn’t. he’s an adorable idiot, an airhead, head empty only skating dude and i love it. 

Reki as well. He could have been the usual protagonist. (sucks at his sport, loud, hardworking, and by the power of friendship he suddenly beats everyone else which i think is pretty overused at this point, don’t you think?) some people complain how Reki despite being the MC isn’t given screentime and hasn’t won a single beef. (and sure that’s true. he should have won some and langa lose some but we only have 12 eps so lol) but he’s not the usual protagonist you know? and sk8 isn’t about winning. if it was, I think they would have focused on the techniques. the hows and the what to do.

Idk if you noticed, but sports anime with winning in its goal would often explain in detail certain techniques. (see haikyuu) but shows like Free and Yuri on Ice isn’t exactly talking about how to win that seriously as Haikyuu did. It’s more focusing on the feelings and how their lives are affected with their passion for this sport. it’s about the character development!!! and i think SK8 is something like that too. It explores the character’s feelings rather than sport. (like what i tell my sister, they use the sport as a character device if that makes sense?)

this was literally in the opening lol. it’s really about the feelings you know?

so anyway it’s been pointed out several times that Reki was already feeling insecure about his skills in skating since ep 1 way before Langa came. But he still likes to skate and despite feeling never enough, he still enjoyed it. (some also pointed out that Reki’s reason of going into a beef against Shadow has been because he insulted his way of skating not because he wanted to be the best) so the show from the get go was already hinting at his self esteem issues.

this also implies that Reki has always been feeling like this in a while, added with his tendencies to bottle things up, it makes sense that he’ll blow up at some point and he’ll need to release all of those feelings. (so yeah i think this is just the right amount of eps for their fall out. i see some people complaining shush. otherwise it would also feel too rushed. this is years weighing him)

and i guess it’s also implied in here he’s had days like these too in the past! seriously it’s an ongoing problem he’s been carrying. i think 3 eps is pretty good enough pace to internalize it

so point: Reki was already down way before Langa came. langa just added to that. And don’t go blaming Langa cause the boy did nothing wrong.

Consider that Langa just lost his dad (i think we need more backstory on this though. please sdsjkdksl i need little Langa and his dad interactions) he just moved countries, and the only connection to his dad (snowboarding) is gone cause it doesn’t snow in OKinawa

though one also argues that Langa hasn’t been snowboarding since his dad was gone.

so for Langa, Reki introducing skating to him was revolutionary. You’re someone grieving over the death of what is probably the most important person in your life, the thing you love the most no longer gives you joy (as was shown in the flashbacks and basically Langa going ‘it’s the same’) and you’re in a new country with a language you barely are fluent. you can’t even read or write, and you barely have friends granted you don’t have much back in the day. it’s horrible.

and then this guy you barely know talks to you, befriends you, helps you get a job, and teaches you something you thought you’ve lost and through that you made more friends??

yeah you see why Langa likes Reki. You also see why he’s obsessed with skating. It’s kind of like a coping, a fixation. plus he’s bad with social cues i guess? the interview says he’s likely to get dumped for being too inattentive lmao and that’s what makes him interesting!

also the thing that really surprised me when they first interacted was how supportive Reki is to Langa. it also got to me with how much Langa thinks highly of Reki. Again a deviation to the ‘i say i hate you but deep down i care for you’ trope. they’re full on supportive and protective. i like that. it’s fresh to me. I thought Reki was going to the tsundere ‘hmph that’s not a big deal’ route at the start of ep 2 but he’s really amazed. (kinda also says he’s been very desperate for someone to share skating with but that’s another topic)

so Reki teaches Langa how to skate. and Langa sucks. Which was interesting to me because I thought Langa would be some flawless prince-like character. But nah. He trips and faints at his own blood lol. He’s so uncool and i love it.

Some people say Langa is over powered with a thick ass plot armor which gets him to win (which is why i see people saying he should have won against Joe and I actually agree that Langa should lose some beefs but again only 12 eps, so little time)

but I still wanna talk about it anyway so it’s revealed Langa was snowboarding since 2. That’s 15 years. I think that should be around the same time Joe and Cherry should be skating. and i think if you start earlier as a kid, your body develops differently. (should Langa, “an amateur” win against Joe a pro? the question falls more on whether you can classify Langa as an amateur) i think it’s like Langa being very used to motorcycle tricks from age 2 then suddenly he’s using a regular bicycle, and sure the feeling is mostly the same but there’s just something off. Your body doesn’t easily forget what you know, especially if it did it for 15 years. and so Reki customizes a board for Langa so it’ll feel exactly like snowboarding

So Langa has a customized board that he needed to get used to before he went pro. He really sucked the first few eps lmao. but that’s more of him getting used to the new rules. he pretty much told Reki in ep 2 that he can’t do a skateboard ollie, but he can do a snowboard one bec it’s attached to his feet.

(i may just want to add that one thing i also like about sk8 is that it really doesn’t care what you need for accommodation? if that’s how you do it best, then go for it. When Langa says to Reki he can’t do the ollie without the board attached to his feet, Reki immediately goes his way to accommodate him. usually people in real life might say ‘it’s not real skateboarding if you need a modification etc. but look at Cherry with a freaking AI board and people are like yeah whatever do what you want man. whatever rolls your board.)

so anyway Langa vs. Joe with Langa winning despite being an amateur? if you can even call him an amateur that is. Plus all his tricks are snowboarding tricks lol. everything he’s done is testament to his 15 years of snowboarding?? We don’t even know how good Langa is in snowboarding. Someone make a post about how difficult the snowboarding equivalent of those tricks Langa has done just to show people it means he’s pretty pro (I’ll even argue maybe Langa’s real talent is his creative ways of going around things which kind of why Adam is highkey obsessed, and calls Cherry who calculates everything to the last second boring but that’s a different can of worms I’m opening later) plus Langa barely won against Joe so there’s not much difference in level i think. Should Langa have lost though?

I think some have missed the point of that beef in Reki’s pov. and if the Renga reconciliation is done well, it would be worth it.

that beef got Reki to realize he what he really wants! that it’ll kill him if he can’t skate anymore! that he doesn’t wanna only cheer on for others and be a support! THAT HE WANTS TO SKATE BY LANGA’S SIDE WHICH IS THE REASON FOR ALL THIS INSECURITIES if Langa lost, that cathartic realization might not have happened. He might have gone to Langa and cheered him up, brushed off his insecurities and, made up with Langa halfheartedly without addressing his problems

I’m going to go back to Reki’s insecurities. In ep 6 he’s been afraid of being left behind, and sure Langa came back for him but he still forgot until midway. (will that parallel how Langa got too excited with the idea of skating, the same feeling he thought he lost forever. The same thing that he thinks connects him with his dad, and might have left Reki behind, but later remembers and goes back to chase him? hopefully) in ep 4 it’s obvious he’s afraid of the near death experience Adam gave him, and he’s just realized how different their skills were. in ep 5 he worries about Langa, enough to get nightmares about it. mixed with his friend getting hurt. it’s obvious the feelings are very very muddled there.

So he begs Langa not to skate with Adam.

And what did Langa do? say that he wanted to skate with Adam. (again he’s not the most attentive. he probably thinks he’s just skating with his best friend, all is good then boom. Reki leaves. as a person shit with dealing with other people, i don’t blame him at all) he’s trying to fix it though, but his bond with Reki primarily revolves around skating! how else was he going to warm up with Reki? He also doesn’t know that Reki has self esteem issues that’s always been there since the beginning. He probably doesn’t understand it too because he holds Reki up highly. in ep 6 when Reki was going over his board, Langa thinks he’s pretty cool. he didn’t hear what other said to Reki. He’s earnestly having fun with his friend

We should also note that Reki was never angry at Langa’s skills, he wasn’t resentful that Langa was far ahead. Again he’s been nothing but supportive. He doesn’t want to pull Langa down. He wasn’t like Miya’s friends that lashed out at Miya for being better. in ep 7 he tries his best to follow Langa

it feels like he’s mostly regretful that he can’t catch up. he doesn’t want Langa to slow down, he wants to go faster and meet him where he was. So it makes the realization that all he wants to do was be in equal with Langa more frustrating because he thinks he can’t keep up. (and this only ever started when he heard he’s like Langa’s plus one. there’s that daunting feeling about being pulled around. not being his equal) 

if you need further proof, when Langa and Joe were having a beef, he wasn’t aggressively hoping Langa would lose. in fact he encouraged him. He worries deeply He calls him out when he was doing badly. Still very supportive as ever. So really the frustration isn’t to Langa, again, it’s all internal. He wants to be better

so he’s feeling shit and Langa goes to him in the middle of the rain, bless langa for trying, thinking talking about skating (what he thinks Reki loves and would probably cheer him up, not knowing that’s exactly his problem) tells him

which is probably the worst he could say.

THAT’S what got Reki mad, not really Reki being insecure though that’s part of it, that’s what they’re fighting about, Reki is angry he’s breaking his promise. He thinks Langa doesn’t care about Reki, that he’ll easily break a promise between them that Reki obviously cares about just so he can go skate with Adam who is way better than him. It blows to the self esteem. Reki probably also think that if only he was better, langa wouldn’t bother skating with someone that dangerous. it doesn’t help at all.

but langa doesn’t know this. he doesn’t see all this. Langa might have been too up the high of skating like in ep 6, he sorta left Reki behind again.

it kinda makes Langa’s mom’s words hit harder though

and he did just that. he got too engrossed.

It parallels adam, cherry and joe’s friendship then probably tadahsi’s too but who knows? reki and langa, and tadashi and adam might parallel too, the master and the student thingy Adam might have gotten too obsessed. So Joe trying his best to make sure Reki and Langa won’t end up like them hits a little harder in my chest ;’)

but Langa won’t be to engrossed i think

because unlike Adam who’s aggressively looking for his ‘equal’, Langa is just looking for someone who makes his heart beat, to make him feel like he’s skating with his dad again, someone he loves dearly. (there’s a parallel about loves here too between Adam’s and Langa’s. but I can’t write it now) and he probably already thinks Reki is his equal anyway. He just wants to have fun. he doesn’t think much about the skills.

maybe at first he does. that’s why he’s drawn to Adam but from ep 9, it was pretty much shown that skills really doesn’t matter from when he skated against Joe

if Adam easily discarded his friends because he think they’re boring (which was why the whole skateboard to the face thing with Cherry), langa doesn’t think like that

if anything Reki is important to Langa because he only has fun skating with Reki, who taught him how to skate and made his board. (his board that was customized to fit his style btw, and arguably the only reason he could skate that well. without it, he might as well be a beginner once again.) so without reki, langa is left with nothing. especially with his broken board

no fun in skating, no way of skating. He’s only manage to get this far because of Reki and he knows that now. All of it would be pointless if he doesn’t have Reki (and either he gets so obsessed in chasing that feeling again, or he stops completely) but in case you haven’t noticed it, Langa’s motivation revolves around having fun with skating no matter the skill or place. And he’s having most fun with Reki.

But Reki obviously doesn't know Langa’s feelings. He thinks Langa was forever looking for someone better. So he’s still caught up in the idea that Langa won’t want to skate with him (even though Langa has never shown this) and he left S entirely, thinking what he wants is impossible. fucking just talk you two motherfucker

(I also wanna point out that Reki has always been shown from episode one to be good at making boards. And that’s amazing? We need some support recognition and appreciation, seriously) I think maybe most who find problem with Reki not winning beefs like the usual shounen protags aren’t used to the nuance and perspective of being someone ‘ordinary’. Reki’s character is relatable because most of us feel ordinary, never enough, surrounded by geniuses, ‘inferior’. And if we’re being realistic since a lot are saying joe should have won because langa winning is unrealistic and you want realism so bad no I’m not salty at all there will always be someone better than you. ALWAYS. but what’s important is for you to have fun in what you love! in what makes you happy! AND even if you’re not good at one thing (in Reki’s part, skating) he’s also good at other things (making boards) so does he need to stop one for the other? no. He’s shown to enjoy skating with Langa, he doesn’t wanna stop it hurts him so much he quit. But he can also hone his skills in making boards as well as skate. He’s equal with Langa in a way he doesn’t even notice when he made that board for Langa, but even Reki’s presence alone makes Langa enjoy skating the way Reki also wants Langa by his side.

So I think the next ep is the best time to confront all these feelings. And how it happens might be what’s tricky. Like romantic or not, i personally can read it both ways though i prefer if they do become canon. (idk if it’s queerbaiting. i guess friends can care as deeply as that but ngl, these shounen bestfriends having deep connections that are written off as friends while also giving us bland af hetero love interests who did nothing but exist and be straight really is messing with my perception of romantic and platonic love irl) anyway their talk better be done really well, or else all those episodes of tension would be for nothing

It’s a nice perspective to give a shounen protagonist this time. It’s new, it’s fresh. How many incarnations of underdog turned the best at their craft can you take? variety is nice! and if you don’t like it, there are always a dozen other animes like that for you to turn to. to conclude, IT ALL GOES BACK TO THE START: WHAT IS YOUR HAPPINESS???! AND FOR THEM IT’S THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BUT IN A VERY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. FRIENDSHIP DOESN’T  SUDDENLY GET YOU TO LEVEL 100000000000 TO DEFEAT THE FINAL BOSS. FRIENDSHIP IS WHAT MAKES DEFEATING THE FINAL BOSS WORTHWHILE

Anyway tldr; maybe the real Eve is the friends we made along the way :D  and idk if I’m making sense but obviously I’m head empty only sk8. Renga needs to talk, i can’t believe they have the audacity to make a recap episode as if i wasn’t head empty only sk8 since february, and if there’s more emotional edging to come, i will burn some of the palm trees outside my house

[pinky-the-elephant-room]

Day by Day, Month by Month

AN: This is a server prompt for MHA & readers server which I own along with @liliesoftherain​ . It’s a soulmate AU with fem reader x mirio

Warning: Explicit sex with Mirio Togata, angst, with a bit of one sided enemies to lovers

Read the rest of the prompts here.

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June

Y/N gritted her teeth as Hado cheerfully loudly greeted Amajiki at 8 AM. All mornings were terrible for her, but Mondays were the worst. The fact that Hado had no consideration for other people’s nerves on an early morning, really, really made Y/N dislike her even more than she already does. And she already disliked her enough to ignore all of Hado’s many attempts to befriend Y/N. Especially when Hado figured that Y/N and her quirk were the same. Which is not true, Y/N’s quirk worked on the fact she could absorb small wavelengths of energy like incandescent bulbs, LEDs, or artificial lights that didn’t generate violet waves. Y/N then used that energy to make whatever she desired from beams to moving at lightspeeds using her absorbed energy.  Nothing at all like Hado’s whatever waves.

Now there was a good reason to hate Hado and that reason was the fact she was friends with her mortal enemy AKA Togata Mirio. He probably didn’t even know she existed, but Y/N hated him since second year. First year, Y/N did the impossible with her difficult to control quirk as she absorbed the LED lights in the stadium to blast her way to 4th place in the Sport’s festival. 2nd year she didn’t even make it to the top 10 because Togata had knocked her out in the 1st round of the last tournament. Ever since then Togata Mirio had exploded onto the scene of U.A., he was praised universally, and all the 3rd years worshipped him like he was a god. Y/N’s grinding of her teeth became even louder as she thought of the blonde idiot. Yes, Y/N didn’t just dislike him, oh no she hated him with every fiber of her being. She might be called a monster for it, but what she wouldn’t do for a chance to wallop his idiotic face. Maybe even strangle him for a minute or two after getting a few hits in.

Y/N watched as the slouched, nervous boy with pointed ear greeted Hado back quietly and sat in his seat. See, she didn’t make a point to be rude to Amajiki. What would be the point of doing that when he was basically a scared rabbit? Even she wasn’t that much of a monster to destroy his badly needed confidence, so she mostly just ignored him.

Finally, the sensei had come in and all the student quieted down for the morning lessons. Y/N stood up and bowed as the class president called out the greetings and they all sat down when the teacher let them. Most of the morning passed by quickly as Y/N actually did pay attention since she had a couple of tests coming up, otherwise she would be sending texts to her best friend in 3B all throughout classes. The bell rang indicating it was time for lunch, sending a quick text to her best friend to save her a seat as Y/N needed to use the restroom. She took her time leisurely to wash her hands and straightened her school uniform and made sure her hair wasn’t mussed. She even reapplied her nude pink lipstick, before taking a quick selfie to send to her friend. Y/N walked out as she used the Line app to edit some cute stickers and added on the hashtag “felt cute”. She didn’t notice until it was too late as she crashed into a wall of muscles. Y/N bounced off their chest, and her phone scattered to the floor. Quickly grabbing the device, she made sure the screen wasn’t broken. A huge sigh left her, and she turned around to give that idiot a piece of her mind.

“You moron, can’t you watc-“ Y/N cut herself as she realized she looked into the eyes of Togota Mirio.

Her whole view disconnected and reconnected as both of their minds melded. Her feelings were no longer just hers, but rather a whole of synergy of emotions as both of their desires, wants, and even fears entangled. Why was she so angry most of the time? So afraid. So anxious. She was no longer alone because he was her-

Those thoughts disconnected as the meld ended, their connection broken. Y/N stepped back in horror. Oh no. Togata was her soulmate. She just found the one person who was supposedly the perfect match for her, and it turned out to the person she hated the most in U.A.

‘Fuck my life.’ Y/N thought. She quickly turned around, ignoring his very loud protests, sprinted all the way back to the 3rd year hallway. She sent a quick text to her friend saying she was feeling sick and was at Recovery girl’s office when in reality, she was currently hiding out in the girl’s restroom. Sitting on top of a covered toilet, she frantically searched the web for a way to get rid of one’s soulmate.

Y/N knew since she hit puberty the science behind soulmates. Basically, a body’s way of finding your perfect mate that will the create the most optimal offspring. When two individuals’ eyes meet, their minds would mesh and basically their souls would connect. Y/N had watched a health video in her junior high year as two soulmates would stand there make eye contact for 5 mins with large creepy smiles and hazy eyes. Basically, looking like two drugged out idiots before regaining their senses. She remembered thinking how dumb the two looked whereas everyone else cooed at how romantic it was.

As for their souls’ connecting, it was another sugarcoated way to say the two soulmates would share emotions. Even now despite being hopefully far away from Togata, she could feel his frantic worry causing her chest to burn. Y/N tried to sooth the pain with one hand and the other one scrolling through articles. Anything that could help get rid of the moron that was her soulmate. She didn’t know how fast the lunch period passed because she was reading articles when she got jerked out of trance by the bell.

Y/N aggravatedly sighed. All the damn articles were no help, they just kept spewing the gospel of soulmates and how 80% of all soulmates would succeed in creating a healthy, loving relationship. She scowled, the only thing she would create with blonde Astro boy will be a lawsuit after she kneed him in the family jewels. As the bell rang once more, Y/N got up and kicked the toilet out of pure frustration before sulking back to her classroom.  She made it to her seat and slumped over her desk. Y/N rested her eyes for a few minutes as she could hear her fellow classmates make it back from lunch. She jerked out of her nap when she heard the familiar voices of Hado and Amajiki. Keeping a close eye on them without being obvious, she noticed how they didn’t acknowledgeable her more than normal.

Letting a sigh of relief, she relaxed knowing that Togata hadn’t let his friends know what happened in the hallway earlier.  The rest of the classes continued as normal except for the occasional bursts of happiness and the need to laugh startling her throughout the day. Y/N scoffed, of course he would be happy whereas he continued to be her source of frustration. The last of the classes were soon over so she headed home on her own. Usually Y/N would walk with her best friend, but she had an appointment with the support department to fix her hero costume.

Y/N walked leisurely down the sidewalk, enjoying the warm sunny day when a voice called underneath her.

“Hey-“ A familiar blonde face appeared in the sidewalk. Y/N screamed and bunched her skirt together so he couldn’t peak at her underwear.

“Pervert! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” she screamed as she stomped at the face.

“N-no wait! It’s your soulmate, Togata Mirio!” the face yelled desperately as he dodged her stomps.

Y/N paused in her stomps. “Well, that’s even worse than a pervert!” She resumed her stomps before giving up entirely and running away.

  The next morning, Y/N used a baseball cap to keep her face from being visible and hopefully go unnoticed until she arrived in class. She didn’t need a repeat of yesterday. Arriving in class, she took off her the cap and settled in her seat. The morning lectures continued as she halfheartedly took notes and completed her assignments. Everything was going well until Togata walked in during lunch break.

Y/N jerked in her seat and turned away using her long hair as a curtain to hopefully escape his eyes.

She could hear Hado yelled out Togata’s name as the two friends conversed.

“Oh, this time I’m not here to hang out. I’m looking for Y/N. She is in this class, right?” She heard him ask.

Y/N looked up when she heard her name and saw Hado looking in her direction in confusion. She also saw Togata follow Hado and turn in her direction. Her eyes shifted to Togata, noticing the way his face lit up as he waved her over.

Y/N groaned. There was no way she could get out of this. She got up reluctantly and approached Togata, the entire class erupting in whispers and some of the girls were either giggling or shooting her glares. Y/N couldn’t help the flush, she never did like being the center of attention. Togota led her out of the classroom before pulling her aside in a nearby hallway.

“Look, I’m not sure why you are calling me out,” she began.

“I wanted to introduce myself.” Togata held out a hand for her to shake. “I’m Togata Mirio.”

Y/N stared at his hand in disbelief. “Of course, I know who you are,” she spat out.

“You do? I thought you ran away yesterday because you didn’t know who I was,” Mirio sheepishly said.

“No, I know. I ran away because I want nothing to do with you!”

“N-nothing? But I’m your soulmate, we should get to kno-“she interrupted before he could finish.

“No, No! And No! I wouldn’t want to get to know you if you were the last guy on earth. So, you better leave me alone!” she yelled. Seeing the shocked face of Mirio, Y/N felt satisfied that he had gotten the message and marched away to enjoy the rest of her lunch period. Still, she couldn’t help feeling a bit guilty when she felt the hurt coursing through Togata.

Meanwhile, Mirio shoved the hurt away and looked on in determination at the challenge that was walking away. Next time he wouldn’t let her walk away so easily, he promised as his eyes burned and sparkled.

July

Y/N drew a makeshift figure of Togata’s face on her notebook before she viciously started stabbing the drawing. ‘Stupid Togata, why can’t he get that he’s not wanted’ she thought. She threw a glare at the pretty arrangement of flowers on her desk. Every morning there was a new bouquet waiting for her on the desk. It attracted a lot of unwanted attention from her fellow classmates. At first, she threw all of them away in the garbage in a fury. But, over time the arrangements became more complicated and more beautiful than the last and her heart couldn’t bear the thought of throwing them away. So, she took it upon herself to donate it to Recovery girl’s office. She knew the older women appreciated them. Y/N saved the scattered chocolates in the bouquet for herself before dropping off the peony flowers at the Pro Hero’s clinic.

As Y/N walked to the lunchroom, she was interrupted when Togata came through the walls and in front of her.

“Y/N! Do you want to eat with me today? I brought a bento," Togata asked.

She looked down on her own bento and wondered how he knew that she was going to bring her own lunch today.

“Are you a psycho? How many times do I have to say no to you before you get it through your head?”

“I’ll keep asking until you say yes. I won’t ever take no for answer,” he cheerfully replied.

Y/N felt the fury inside of her build up and her face became tomato red. “Time to die, Togata.” She stepped towards him before tripping on her foot and her entire bento fell on the ground. She watched in shock at the hard work that had gone wasted and she turned towards Togata and sent him a death glare. Togata fearing for his life, slipped his bento into her hands before bolting out of the hallway. He activated his quirk and vanished through the walls.

 August

Y/N panted as sweat dripped down her face. She’s never felt so tired in her life yet so energized. The roar of the crowd helping her forget the aches and pains of the fight. Togata wasn’t even winded as he stood across from her.  This was the revenge she wanted. The second round of the battle tournament of the Sports Festival.

 “Come on, Togata. Give me everything you have. Otherwise, I swear I won’t ever forgive you. I’ve given everything to be here. So, extend that courtesy to me,” Y/N said.

She knew he wasn’t taking her seriously. Though, she landed a few hits and gave 100% percentage to her energy attacks. She couldn’t say the same for him. His punches and his overall speed were too slow. She knew he was capable of being faster than what he was displaying right now. Her words affected him, as his face lost the pensive look and a look of concentration overcame it.

She remembered the humiliating defeat by him in second year. A blonde blur, a scream of “Poweeeerrr!” and Y/N was knocked out of the ring. She wasn’t even able to display her growth or how much she improved from the 1st year.

However, this year Y/N showcased everything she learned in U.A. and she showed everyone in Japan that Y/N was ready to be a Pro Hero. When she would lose to Mirio and she knew she was going to, Y/N had no regrets.

Y/N raised her hands to gather the energy from the LED lights in the arena as they blew out one by one overwhelmed by her quirk. She felt the energy rush through her body and readied herself for a charge at Mirio. This time she would lose on her own terms.

 September

Y/N sat nervously on Mirio’s dorm room bed and watched as he scrambled around his room to get her birthday gift. She had gone home last weekend to spend her birthday with her family, so this was the only time Mirio had to give it to her. His relationship with her was still pensive. Y/N didn’t scream at him to leave her alone and she stopped calling him Togata. Most of all that bitterness dissolved after the Sports Festival, there was no reason to keep him at arm’s length anymore. Still, there was a degree of unsureness, Mirio being too afraid to set her off again and she too unexperienced on how to properly convey her feelings.

Mirio came back with a small gift bag that he held out for her. Y/N took and peered into it to see an assortment of chocolate.

“Remember how I would send you those bouquets and you never kept them except for the chocolate in it? I thought this time I would give you something you would want to keep.”

Y/N couldn’t help but chuckle. Mirio smiled goofily in return, satisfied that he had made her happy. She wanted to do something in return to show him how happy she was. Y/N leaned forward to kiss him on his cheeks, while at the same time Mirio purposely turned his face so she could kiss his lips instead.

The touch of his soft lips quickly made Y/N break contact. She turned her blushing face away and was about to quickly run out of his room in embarrassment, when Mirio grabbed her and mashed his face into hers. Their teeth clanged together, and it was soon clear neither had any idea on how to kiss.

Y/N pushed Mirio away and clutched her lips and teeth.

“Mirio! Why did you do that?!” She could feel embarrassment surging within him and a small ounce of shame for hurting her. Feeling bad for her overreaction, Y/N grabbed his hands and pulled him close.

“I-I think we should try again and maybe a little bit slower. Like how they do on TV dramas,” she said as she coaxed him into trying again.

Mirio gave her a small peck, withdrawing to see Y/N’s reaction. She nodded in encouragement, excited he continued to slowly give her kisses that caused her to chase him and eagerly respond to his ministrations. He caressed her cheeks and snaked his hand down to her waist to pull her close. Licking her lips and asking for permission to enter, Mirio entangled his tongue with hers as it sensuously made contact and cajoled her to respond. Following Mirio’s lead she responded back to each lick, feeling her body get hotter and hotter. Wanting to get closer to his body, she sat on top him and wrapped her legs around his waist. They continued to slowly kiss; Y/N liked this attempt immensely compared to their first one. Mirio wanting to feel her, grabbed Y/N’s hand and placed it on his member. Y/N curiously touched it, wondering what she was touching that was so hard and warm. She broke contact from his lips and looked down at her hand. ‘OH MY GOD. I’M Touching A MAN’s PENIS!’ she thought hysterically. She poked it a couple times, finding it rock solid and admiring the length of it. Her tiny hands couldn’t even fit most of it. Mirio startled her out of thoughts when he placed his hands onto hers and started moving them along with him.

“Like this, Y/N, ok?”

Y/N short-circuited realizing what Mirio was asking from her. ‘Oh god, we are doing this now? Are we going to have sex!! That thing is going to fit inside of me? I’m going to die!!’ her thoughts spiraled and made Y/N panic. She quickly disentangled herself from Mirio, ignoring his grunt and his confused call of her name. Y/N grabbed her gift, not forgetting to say a quick thank you to Mirio before hightailing it out of his room and back to the sanctity of her own dorm.  

 December

Y/N waited anxiously outside in the cold, windy afternoon. Yesterday’s snowfall had already covered the entirety of the park, most kids were playing in the snow. Either making snowman or trying to hit their friends with snowballs. She huffed out a few breaths, watching as her warm exhales became smoke. She overheard footsteps and saw Mirio heading her way. Y/N sighed, relieved that he had showed up. Ever since a month ago Mirio had lost his quirk and Sir Nighteye, he had been avoiding her. She wasn’t the best person when it came to comfort, so she figured he needed time on his own. But as weeks went by without any sight of his blond hair or blue eyes, she couldn’t help but worry. So, Y/N had tracked him down and called him out during lunchtime just like he did so many months ago and made him promise to meet at the local park so they could talk things out.

She stood up to greet him, but he just motioned for her to sit back down and took a seat besides her on the park bench.

“Hey, Mirio. How have you been? We haven’t talked in a while,” Y/N cautiously began.

“Well, you are my soulmate. You probably know better than me how I’ve been this past month,” Mirio said quietly.

It was true, she felt his sorrow and loss like an aching pain in her chest. Y/N knew he went around school acting happy go lucky, but she knew he couldn’t fool her or himself.

“That’s true and its probably why I was so worried-“ Y/N began.

Mirio interrupted, “Worried? Why? You must be happy that I lost my quirk. No more competition!” He let out a weak chuckle.

Y/N couldn’t help the hurt that rose in her despite it being a fair assessment. She had treated him terribly, the fact he was lashing out at her now just showed how much patience Mirio really had. She swallowed the lump that had arose from her needing to cry because this wasn’t about her or her feelings now.

She turned to him, watching as his face twisted with guilt and he opened his mouth. Y/N cut him off.

“I know. You can throw everything at me, Mirio. I will take it if that’s what it takes for you to feel better. I don’t know what to do or what to say to make you feel like your old self again. I’m not good at any of this. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to be alone. Don’t shut me out,” she pleaded.

Y/N saw the way the shine returned to his dull eyes and the soft blush that made its way to his face. He was looking at her like he had never seen her before. She could feel her own cheeks heat up due to the unnerving way he was looking at her. Mirio leaned forward as if to kiss her when Y/N put a hand to his chest to stop him and turned her face away.

“We can’t we’re in a park. There’s too many people,” she whispered.

Mirio let out a boyish giggle. “Right, sorry.”

She toyed with her fingers as a thought occurred to her. “Do you wanna go to my house instead? It’s nearby, we can warm up and get some hot chocolate.”

Mirio at the thought of seeing the place where Y/N had grown up shyly agreed. They both got up and walked for 15 minutes before coming to a modest house. She unlocked the outdoor gate and let them both in. They went up the steps before Y/N unlocked the door.

“No one’s home it’s just me,” she said as she turned the house’s light on and started to prepare some hot chocolate for them both.

Mirio made himself home in the living room as he snooped around and looked at the various pictures of a younger Y/N. She came back with 2 hot chocolates. Mirio thanked her and steadily drank the hot chocolate. Y/N sat next to him and observed him as she finished hers. Though, her earlier words lifted his mood, she could tell that her distraction was only temporary.

“Mirio,” she began as he looked up at her, “I wish I could do more for you. I feel everything, all your pain and I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. I wish I can take it away even just for a while.”

Mirio looked at her seriously and put his drink on coffee table. He grabbed Y/N’s drink and put that on the table as well. She just looked at him in confusion as she hadn’t finished yet. Mirio grabbed her by the waist and pulled her close. Y/N blushed at their proximity as her breasts were squished against his firm chest.

“I know what you can do for me, Y/N..,” he trailed off as he leaned in close to kiss her. She closed her eyes as his soft lips connected. She could taste the remnants of the hot chocolate on his lips as she desperately responded back. She clutched him tightly as she couldn’t remember the last time he held and kissed her. Y/N didn’t think it was possible to miss someone so much who wasn’t her immediate family let alone someone she used to hate. Her fingers dug into his soft hair as she tightened her hold and pulled. Mirio let out a groan in response and rolled his hips into hers. He disengaged from her and quickly kissed her cheeks, forehead, and nose in succession.

Mirio panted. “Y/N, please I need you.” She blushed as she knew what he was asking from her. “I-I’ve never…,” she trailed off.

“Neither have I, we’ll go slow. I promise I won’t hurt you,” he said. Y/N nodded, giving him consent. Mirio pushed back one of the curls on her face and brought her close enough for him to kiss. Giving a nip to her lips, he explored the inside of her mouth, still tasting the chocolate. She moaned into the kiss and messed with the hoody he was wearing, trying to get to the smooth skin underneath. He tried to help her take off while still kissing her hard. He broke away in frustration when the hoody wouldn’t budge.

“Wait maybe we should take this to my room,” she suggested. He liked the idea at least they would know beforehand if they were about to get interrupted.

Mirio tried to get Y/N to let him carry her bridal style up the stairs like in the movies, but she adamantly refused. She led them to a very pink and feminine room unlike the fierce Y/N he had gotten to know. Y/N stood in awkward silence not knowing what to do when they had arrived in the room. Mirio taking the lead, took off his hoody and his jeans. He immediately went over to Y/N to help her take off her clothes. She tried to protest but it got muffled by a kiss.

Hoisting Y/N in his arms, he dropped her delicately onto her bed. It was medium size just enough room for both. Mirio couldn’t help himself as he let his hands roam the entirety of her soft skin. Her heaving breasts caught his attention as she looked at him with dilated eyes. He tugged the cups of the bra just a tiny bit for her cleavage to spill over, He bit and sucked them, leaving red marks all over. Y/N let out a whimper as he continued his ministration on the other breast. Mirio moved her legs aside, allowing his body to settle in nicely between her thighs. Slipping his fingers into her panties, he immaturely explored her.

“Like this,” she said as she showed him what she liked best. Wanting to see all of her, he slipped off her panties and snapped off her bra with ease, tossing them somewhere in the room. The two teens continued to explore every inch of their soulmate. From the beginning they were connected by their minds and hearts, now they were crossing the final threshold of their bodies. Preparing Y/N had paid off as he inspected his fingers that were wet with her essence. Curious he tasted the wetness and discovered he liked the tangy flavor. He wanted to lick up all of it, to savor the taste, but that was something he wanted to try out in the future. Mirio shimmied out of his boxers as he lined up his member with her center. He felt her tense, so he whispered reassurances as he stroked her face.

Y/N felt his member slip a few times before he finally got it into her. The initial pinch startled her before she forced herself to breath and relax. Mirio didn’t lie, he went slow prioritizing her needs over his own. Y/N hardly felt a pinch when he broke through her membrane and filled her up to the brim. She raked her short nails down his back, causing him to buck into her. She gasped at the sudden movement.

“Y/N, don’t do that, love,” he panted into her neck.  Y/N flushed at the impromptu nickname Mirio had bestowed upon her.

He waited a few minutes before trying out short, shallow thrusts to see if she flinched in pain and seeing her writhe and moan gave him the signal to move.

Mirio tried out different rhythms to see what she liked first, matching his thrusts to her reactions. When he lifted up her hips a bit and hit a particular spot that had her gasping and tightening her hold on the bedsheets, he hit that spot over and over in a frenzy. It wasn’t long before Y/N became a babbling mess as she came all over his penetrating member.

SLAM

Mirio lifted his head up in confusion when he heard the slam of a door and muffled talking.

“Y/N! Is that you? Okasan and Otousan are home. Come downstairs we brought food!” Y/N’s mother called out.

Y/N looked at Mirio in panic. She tried to push him off so she could get dressed and go downstairs to greet her parents.

Instead he held her hips tight as he slammed into her over and over, muffling his moans by biting onto her shoulder.

“Mirio! Ahh, what are you doing? We’ll get caught,” she said.

Letting her shoulder go, he whispered back, “just a little more I’m so close.”

When she didn’t say anything else, Mirio took as a sign to keep going so he chased his own pleasure. It wasn’t too long before he pulled out and came in the junction of her thighs.

Luckily for the teens, they were both able to get dressed and downstairs in time for Y/N to introduce Mirio as her soulmate. Her parents were delighted to meet him, and Y/N flushed with happiness knowing that her parents approved of him. Though, she didn’t notice how her mother kept sending them suspicious glances when she noticed the bite mark on Y/N’s neck.

 March

Mirio’s tousan watched in absolute happiness as his son graduated from U.A. Who knew his son would one day graduate from the most prestigious hero school in Japan?

He looked around for his tall, blonde son as many graduates filled in from the auditorium outside in the sun to find their parents.

He finally found his wayward son and was about to call out to him when he noticed his son holding and teasing a girl. She seemed very frustrated, gesturing wildly and pointing at him in anger. Mirio just laughed and hugged her. What was even more astonishing was that Mirio kissed her forehead and the girl blushed and yelled at him some more before she stomped away. So that was his soulmate.

He remembered how his son came home one day in jubilation and explained everything in one breath. Though, Mirio seem to be disheartened when he explained how his soulmate didn’t seem to like him. Mirio’s tousan just laughed in glee and Mirio watched him in confusion.

He went on to explain how Mirio’s okasan hated him at first glance and threw a glass of water at him when she discovered her soulmate. He remembered how each day he would do everything to win her heart over and he encouraged Mirio to do the same. He smiled now knowing that Mirio had won his soulmate over just like he did his.

[dafuq-i-did-not-sign-up-for-this]

The Sparrow Academy

Good day and enjoy my 2AM caffeine infueled theorizing shenanigans about the end of season 2 of The Umbrella Academy and a possible season 3 scenario. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

As I’ve announced in my last post, I’ll focus on the Sparrow Academy in this one, cause I have a lot of thoughts on those motherfuckers.

Most importantly, to quote Emo-Ben: Who the hell are these assholes?

There have been several theories going around the net. First I’ll deal with the most popular one: Reginald, upon witnessing the Umbrella Academies failure in 1963, adopted a different set of children. Ben is still part of the team, because he wasn’t with them.

Excuse my wording, but I must call bullshit.

Lets for a second assume, Reggie can’t time travel or look into the future (the possibility exists, we don’t know shit about dear old alien asshole dad). Reginald adopted them all as babies. He had no idea what they would look like as adults, nor did the crew give him their places of birth or the names of their mothers, because they do not have that information.

So if he really adopted different children, there must have been some other trigger. Something changing the timeline. Perhaps it has something to do with Harlan. Maybe he, as a possible co-founder of the Sparrow Academy, picked out the children instead of Reginald. In that case it would’ve been an incredible coincidence if he had chosen the exact same ones Reggie did in the original timeline.

Again, we don’t know much about Reginald. In the graphic novels, his monocle shows him what a person truly is, so maybe he used that to determine the childrens powers before adopting them. Speaking against that would be, that it is heavily implied in the Vanya flashbacks and his notes on her, that he first had to work out the childrens powers himself. So if he was able to see their powers as kids with the monocle, why would he have to monitor them in their sleep and why did he only notice how dangerous Vanyas powers were when they were four? Regarding that, we don’t know if the show has actually adapted the monocle thing, but in case they did, the theory could make sense.

A simpler reason for why the Sparrow Academy might consist of other characters, is cast and filming issues. Having the same set of actors act two different characters in the same scene, interacting with each other, would make the production incredibly difficult and long lasting. I’m not familiar with every little computer trick the film industries has, but I can imagine it won’t be easy, especially because the Sparrow and Umbrella Academy will probably be pitted against each other, possibly even fight more than once. They will have to interact in the same frame eventually.

Then there’s also the graphic novels. In those the Sparrow Academy has different characters, making it likely for the show to adapt it.

What bugs me about this, is Ben. What is he doing there?

If Harlan picked different children, it would be a great coincidence if he picked Ben of all people. Again, maybe Reggie checked with his monocle and didn’t recognize him. (Personally I think the monocle theory is very unlikely).

I think it’s simply writing. A plot device to bring Ben back into the show, after killing him, and having his siblings interact with this new version of him. Lets face it, the Ben we know and love is dead, this guy will be a vastly different person. Hell, we don’t even know if he’s even called Ben. Anyway, it will make for a really good fucking storyline. First killing him and perfectly resolving his character arc, then bringing him back in as an alternate universe version, completely reasonable and understandable regarding the plot, because they fucked up the timeline? Give those writers a price and some good fucking coffee, I mean it.

But if Ben isn’t just a plot device, again, why him? It could be an indicator for the original crew meeting their alternate universe selves. The Umbrella Academy could have turned into the Sparrow Academy, with a different upbringing. Maybe they’re all emotionally stable, and maybe Reginald wasn’t such an ass to them and that’s why they stayed.

We also know that Bens death was the drop that made the barrel overflow. Because he died, they disbanded. In this AU he’s alive tho, and he also seems to have grown up to be something like a leader? Academy strongest?

He could be the reason they are still wearing those stupid uniforms in their thirties.

And looking at the uniforms: in the last scene of season 2 we see five silhouettes (and some weird cube thing, don’t get me started on that). Assuming all of them wear their uniforms fitting their gender, two of the silhouettes would be female, as they look like wearing skirts. Means either the new set of characters has two active women, or Vanya is part of the Academy and she and Allison absolutely fuck shit up. This would also mean one of the boys is missing. Five possibly? Did one of them die, like Ben did? Or maybe the Sparrow Academy only consists of six members. Or maybe they didn’t show all of them. Mysterious!

Because of previous points made, I do believe we’ll get a different set of siblings as Sparrows, but I also think it would be incredibly interesting to see the what-if’s. What if Five had never left? What if Vanya had learned to control her powers? What if Ben had never died? What if Reginald hadn’t been an abusive, manipulative piece of shit?

How would the world look with seven adults running around in school uniforms, playing vigilante and “saving the world”?

Oh well, we will get the answer to that question eventually. Unless Reggie turned them all into special agents for his shady business instead of making them believe they’re superheroes (C’mon, those fellas are 30, they gotta have a mind of their own.)

So much to: “Who the hell are these assholes?”

Lets move over to: “How the hell are these assholes?”

What was different in the founding of the Sparrow Academy? It probably has to do with Harlan. He still has powers after Vanya unknowingly failed to extract them. He’s the anomaly “off-charts” that had a big part in fucking up the timeline. In that context the arguement with his toy, a sparrow, linking him to the Sparrow Academy makes sense.

By the time the kids where born, he would have been around 34 years old, as he’s eight in 1963. Old enough to have met Reginald and old enough to bargain with him on his own terms.

We still don’t know how Reggie found out about the kids. Possibly he found out about Harlan the same way and contacted him. Possibly Harlan fucked some shit up and Reggie decided it was best he befriended and kept him close. Maybe it has something to do with Vanya. Dunno.

I have no idea in which way Harlan was involved, there’s not enough evidence in the show yet, but in 2019 he would be 64 years old. If he’s still alive.

It’s possible Reginald tried to round up supernatural people to do some world saving, and that he started with Harlan. But that is for another 3AM shenanigan post: oldtimer Reggies intentions and possible past. All this theorizing would be much easier if we knew more about him.

Because to really answer the question, what went wrong in the founding of the Sparrow Academy, we first need to know more about the founding of the Umbrella Academy.

Reggie, out with dem secrets.

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Queen for a Day Part 2

So this is the continuation of my review for Queen for a Day. My personal favorite episode in the series, but it does have some flaws that needs to be pointed out. 

You can find the first part here  https://rachelbethhines.tumblr.com/post/622226424477171713/tangled-salt-marathon-queen-for-a-day-part-1

Summary: The King and Queen are stranded in the blizzard and Eugene and the Pub Thugs must rescue them. Meanwhile, Varian rushes to ask for Rapunzel's help freeing his dad, but Rapunzel tells him that she can't help him because of the blizzard, leaving Varian feeling betrayed. Rapunzel orders the evacuation of the island, but then remembers about a legend told earlier by Xavier about an underground machine with the power to change the way of the blizzard. 

The Show Tells Us Things that Contradict What We’ve Already Seen

No they didn’t. 

If it was up to Frederic you’d all be jailed, hanged, or banished. Don’t try to pretend now that the King is somehow better than any other leader when it’s his crack down on crime is what causes 75% of the conflict in the first season. 

Rapunzel gave you a second chance. She’s the one to thank. And she only did that because she befriended you, not because she thought the system unjust.

Look at All This Time Spent On This Very Important Note, No Way the Writers Would Dumb Enough Not Follow Up On This Finely Crafted Set Up.

Why is Season Three So Bad!!!!?????

Evacuation is a Dumb Plan to Begin With

So throughout the episode Rapunzel is being pressured into evacuating the populace off the island. With the idea that, as an island, they’d be cut off from food supplies and whatnot. 

Which is beyond dumb because they’re currently inside a castle. Castles are built specifically for withstanding sieges. They should have all the supplies and room that they need right there for weeks if not months. 

Everyone is acting like risking exposure is somehow a better option then just staying put, inside the comfy palace.

Also keep in mind no one knows that this is a magic storm. They think it’s just a regular blizzard and it’s not even been one day of snow. You’re telling me that King Frederic is such a poor leader that can’t even keep the kingdom stocked for one day? 

You know what. I'd believe that. Corona is a shittly runned country that can’t handle emergencies. 

Cass Can Clearly See and Hear What’s Going On

The show will later act as if Cass didn’t know the truth about what happened between Raps and Varian, but that’s a load of bull. She clearly sees and hears Varian talking about the rocks and his dad. In short, Cassandra winds up looking like a horrible person because of poorly thought out framing. 

Rapunzel Has More Options Here But She Doesn’t Explore Them

Look Rapunzel being inexperienced and not knowing what to do, leading to her making poor decisions; is a perfectly fine set up for a conflict. And the choices she makes are understandable. 

However the show acts like these were the only options available to her; stay and help her people or go with Varian right then, and that’s simply not the case. 

Here’s a list of things she actually could have done.

Send someone else with Varian. Cass isn’t doing anything right now. She’s not needed for the evacuation, as evidenced by her going with Raps to the demantius device later (a task that she doesn’t actually help much with) and she already is in on your secret about the rocks and is friends with Varian. Alternatively there are other guards you could have sent with him, but Cass is the best option for the job.

Keep Varian with her until the storm was over with. He could have helped with the demantius device and then you both could have gone to Old Corona afterwards. 

Order the evacuation and then actually go with Varian. Once again, Rapunzel isn’t honestly needed for the evacuation, as evidenced by her taking off to find the demantius device later. She also. at the this point, doesn’t know if the demantius device is real nor does she have a plan in place yet to use it. It would have been a worse idea, yes, but it’s still an option that she failed to consider. (Unless they came back to the device after failing to save Quirin, cause it’s fiction and the writers can decide the time frame however they want) 

Go check up on Varian after fixing the storm. 

None of these options would have saved Quirin, obviously, but any one of them would have given Varian the emotional support that he needed. So while it’s understandable that Rapunzel did what she did, it’s still not excusable. 

Therein lies the failure of the show. It tries it damndest to excuse the protagonists at every turn even when they do quite clearly mess up, all while shifting all the blame onto an easy scapegoat. The series then acts like, we the audience, should just blindly accept it’s manipulation as fact. 

The Show Implies That the Heroes Just Threw A Child Out Into A Deadly Blizzard

Rapunzel’s ‘orders’ falls on deaf ears and that’s honestly on her. She’s in charge and ergo she needs to keep her guards in line. It’s up to her to give clear and concise orders. 

Cause what we see is the garuds dragging away a 14 year old begging for help and next we see him, he’s back out in the snow storm. The snow storm that’s been deemed a national emergency and could potentially kill people stuck out in it.  

If the show didn’t intend for us to think that Stan and Pete just chucked the poor kid out the door, than it needed to establish that Varian left of his own accord. But it doesn’t do that. So everyone is Corona just winds up looking like an bunch of asses instead. 

Rapunzel Breaking Her Promise isn’t the Point

The show gives way too much focus on Rapunzel’s promise. Because not being able to keep a promise is understandable and something that everyone experiences. No, in truth what Rapunzel does here is much worse than that. She fails at her responsibilities as a leader, as an adult, and as a decent human being. 

Her promise to Varian doesn’t actually matter. Her friendship with Varian doesn’t actually matter. Her even knowing him doesn’t matter. 

Had Varian came to her as a stranger with this same problem and she failed to help him, she’d still be in the wrong. This is a child in need that she ignores. A subject that she is in charge of and responsible for.  

Once again, I’m not hating on Rapunzel here. I’m fine, glad even, for the protagonist to make a mistake. But the show fails to even acknowledge that what she did was a mistake to being with; hence the real problem with the character.

Let’s Talk About ‘Daddy’ and How The Creators are Full of It

OK so there was some debate about whether or not Varian actually said the word ‘daddy’ in this scene. It was confirmed by one of the creators, Chirs, that yes, Jeremy Jordan (Varian’s VA) ad libbed this line and that the writers decided to keep it. 

Which, in of itself, is fine. This scene still hurts like hell and is the most powerfully emotionally hitting scene in the show. It’s awesome. 

The problem is the Chris’s reasoning for including the line. 

According to the creator, Varian saying the word ‘daddy’ means that’s still immature and not ready yet to know whatever secrets Quirin is keeping from him. 

OK first off, calling you father ‘daddy’ does not make you immature. What a stupid thing to say. My siblings and I are all in or 20s, 30s, and 40s, and we still call our father ‘daddy’ as well. (We’re quite spread out in ages) 

Secondly, what secrets!? We’re never told what Quirin is hiding from his son. Varian never learns the truth of any earth shattering secret that involves him. 

We get lots of behind the scenes hints that the writers prematurely cut Varian out of the plot in later seasons, despite his conflict not being resolved and the fact that he was presented as being integral to main plot.

We’re never given a real reason why Varian’s story so poorly was edited out and any excuses that the series creators, Ben and Chris, have given is nothing but that same BS as this line here and I’m going to call them out on it.   

Xavier and Monty Should Have Been Streamlined Into One Character

Xavier is given no real introduction and yet he’s suddenly an important part of the main overarching plot. Nor do we ever get any backstory for him or insight into why he does what he does and knows what he knows. He’s just there to give exposition and that’s it. 

Meanwhile Monty is given a whole episode worth’s of introduction and insight, but then proceeds to add nothing to the series afterwards. 

Just imagine if Monty and Xavier were made into one character. Introduction, insight, plus actual story importance. As an added bonus, it would have forced Raps to deal with someone she doesn’t get along with in order to save the kingdom. Which would counterbalanced the ‘friendship saves the day’ bs of later seasons along with the idea that anyone who doesn’t kiss Rapunzel’s royal arse is a villain.

Once Again, Why Do you Know this Legends and No One Else, Xavier? 

It’s lazy writing. You need to either set these things up beforehand or give reason for them later.

Pascal’s Story Makes Far More Sense After This Scene

The consequence of showing things out of order is that context is lost. 

I Love the Reprise but it Gives the Game Away too Early

The writing team can’t decide where they want Varian’s fall into villainy to start and where to have it’s ‘twist’. This is suppose to be foreshadowing, but having it then undermines the ‘surprise betrayal’ in The Alchemist Returns. Not to mention that Varian doesn’t actually do anything truly ‘villainous’ until Secret of the Sundrop anyways. 

In short this scene winds up being pointless and the insistence of having a shocking reveal later winds up being redundant. Which in turn then becomes a poor excuse for not featuring a episode dedicated to Varian’s side of the story. 

 Conclusion

I still love this episode, and I’m saddened that most of the series does not live up to this quality nor its own hype. On its own Queen for a Day is 40 mins of wonderful entertainment. As part of the an on going story it’s a bitter reminder of the disappointment to soon follow. 

[give-seconds]

Survival of the Fittest

Summary: Welcome to the Badlands of Montana! This will be the setting of our game. What’s the name of the game? Simple, make it out alive. In which you and Jaemin are kidnapped and forced to try and find your way out of the Badlands.

Masterlist | Main Masterlist

“What’s that?” Jaemin asks as he walks over and picks up his sweatshirt.

“I think it’s a walkie-talkie.”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, the device comes to life. “Numbers 24 and 25.”

---Part 5

You and Jaemin freeze at the voice, turning to look at each other with wide eyes. Once Theos’ voice continues, your attention is brought down to the device in your hand.

“In past experiments, I have refrained from talking to my subjects until later, but I decided to make an exception for you.

“In the past, I’ve had subjects that took a day to move from the starting point; I’ve had subjects that started the game by going in the wrong direction; I’ve had subjects that missed the first bag; and even some that missed all three. But you two, you two are by far my most promising batch.”

As the words hit your ears, your stomach flips. His voice is like the voice of a proud father whose child won first place in a competition.

“Now, you might not be the first batch to escape, but there’s no doubt in my mind you two will be the cream of the crop so to say.”

“If we’ve already proven ourselves, why don’t you tell us we’re walking in the right direction? Rewarding good behavior and all.”

You’re surprised by the strength in Jaemin’s voice. Despite not having seen Theos, his voice alone is enough to scare you in a way you’ve never felt before.

“Instead, I’ll tell you why I chose you two to be my final subjects.”

You and Jaemin nervously glace at each other before looking back down at the device in your hand.

“I first saw you, Jaemin, at the grocery store. I remember thinking how weird it was that someone so young was shopping with someone even younger. So I followed you home, and I waited. I waited for three days, installing one of my cameras across the street so I could watch you without being there, and your parents never came home. So I went back to your house, waited until you and your sister were at school, and then broke in.”

Your head snaps up to look in Jaemin’s direction just in time to see the color slightly drain from his face. Your doom always had random people in it, your roommate is somewhat of a party person. Even if the parties were just five friends sitting on her bed, you learned to get over the uncomfortable feeling of random people in your space.

Jaemin shared a house with his family, presumably the house he and his sister grew up in. The idea of someone coming into something so private, someone as sick as Theos, was nauseating.

“Turns out, your parents left for Africa last year. You were left to take care of little Emma, even if she was a freshman at the time. Because that wasn’t the first time you had to take care of her, was it?”

“I don’t - this can’t have anything to do with why I’m here.”

Your heart breaks slightly how comparatively shaky his voice is, and it took everything in you not to look at him. He doesn’t need your questioning looks on top of everything else.

“Oh, but it does. You’ve taken care of Emma since you were in middle school, but not because you wanted to. If I learned anything from your parents’ service journal, they left you alone as soon as you turned ten. But if I had to guess, they weren’t around much before then.

“Reading those journals, along with that note Emma wrote you for your birthday thanking you for taking care of her, I knew I had to have you.”

Theos pauses, and you take the opportunity to try and mentally prepare yourself for “your story.”

“And then I saw you, y/n. If I’m being honest, I don’t know what first drew me to you. Maybe it was the countless hours you spent in the student lounge or the library while your roommate invited people over.”

You already felt sick for Jaemin, knowing this sicko had not only been watching him and his sister, but broke into their house and looked through their things. But knowing all that wasn’t enough to prepare you for the different kind of sickness that coursed through your body at the sound of your name.

“Or maybe it was the fact that after learning your name and searching for any social media, I couldn’t find any. I mean you have to admit, someone in this day in age not having any social media is pretty interesting. So when I wasn’t watching Jaemin, I was trying to find information on you. Eventually, I found your ex-husband, and I was shocked for the second time during my investigation. Here you are, a freshman in college, and you’re already a divorcee? I had to find out more. Skipping all the boring details, I managed to find out about your family.

“Your mom had been married three times, two alcoholics and one weirdo. If I’m right – that is, if Sam is right – you were kicked out at age 15? He also said that when you were kicked out, you lived with your dad. That he would refuse to take his medicine and would have seizures. He said you were always the person who had to take care of him.”

“Oh my God,” you whisper, bringing your hand to cover your mouth in shock.

You know the only person who would know that is Sam; he’s the only person you’ve told this to. You may not have spent a lot of time together, but the only condition Sam had for giving you the ticket here was that you told him about your life.

“I know you’re doing this as a test, but please tell me he’s okay?” You can feel Jaemin’s eyes on you, but you keep your eyes trained on the device.

“See, that’s the second plot twist I found in my research about you. Why would your ex-husband care so much about you? And judging from the fact he’s the last person you texted, I’d say you don’t hate him. After some convincing, I got Sam to tell me why you two got a divorce. He wants to love you, but he can’t. He’s aromantic.

“He told me he didn’t want to get too close to you in case you caught feelings for him. So instead of befriending you, he acted as cold to you as he could. He told me he could see how much you were struggling and that he liked it; it was easier for him to learn about your troubles instead of dealing with his own.”

“I know all this, I’m asking if you’ve hurt him.”

After hearing the strength in your voice, you understand how Jaemin was able to speak so confidently before. It isn’t about actually feeling in control, it’s about not letting the man spitting hurtful words at you win.

So yes, the reminder that even though you pretended not to know why Sam helped you, you knew why. That even though you told Jaemin he probably saw you as a charity case, the reality is, he saw you as a distraction. He used your problems to hide from his own, drinking in your life stories to ignore the fact he didn’t fit into the mold society had set.

He told you all this through a letter, apologizing for using you and acting the way you did. He explained that even though it started as a way to hide from his problems, it ended up

confirming the doubts he had. “I can’t stay married to you” he had written, “but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask. I owe you.”

When you read that, it wasn’t that he had used you that hurt most. It was that he was the one person you thought wouldn’t have the energy to be fake to you. You always thought Sam was just bored and looking for something to fix. He never tried to help you fix those relationships, instead offering a way out. It was refreshing to not have to deal with fake politeness.

As it turns out, he was fake from the very beginning. And after figuring that out, it was just easier to portray Sam as the man you thought he was.

“Did you love him? Or was he able to pull off that cold, distant personality better than I give him credit for?”

Theos’ voice draws you out of your thoughts, only to render you speechless once again. This entire time, the only thing you thought you had the upper hand on was that there was no one relying on you. You often pushed the thought of Jaemin’s sister from your mind. You know what it is like to be alone, and imagining that girl alone and scared for her brother’s safety made you anxious. With such thoughts for someone you didn’t know, you couldn’t help but feel relieved that no one was waiting for you.

Now that someone could be hurt because of you, someone you didn’t even love, you felt like you were suffocating. He had hurt you, but he didn’t deserve to be wrapped up in this.  

“I’ll let your silence speak for itself. You’ll be happy to hear that he’s safe with the subjects that escaped. I hope you feel special number 25, I haven’t had to kidnap anyone for information before.”

He laughs to himself, and you imagine he meant it as a genuine compliment.  

“As I said at the start of this game, I think you two are my most promising batch. You both have someone to live for, someone who depends on you. Both of you are fighters, not the type to give in. I thought these stories were important to tell you both, after all, trust is the important thing when trying to survive together.”

With that, the line goes quiet. A silence hangs over you two as you both continue to stare down at the previously live device.

“We um, we have to keep going,” he says quietly, breaking the silence. He lightly pushes your hand holding the walkie-talkie down to your side.

“Let’s change out the camera first.”

You shake your head, trying to push the conversation with your capture from your mind. Silently, you drop the walkie-talkie back into the bag and start looking for the cameras.

After you both exchanged the cameras, you transfer the leftover supplies from the old backpack into the new one. Before you had found the walkie-talkie, you were going to suggest that you two stop to eat. But now, and you’re sure the same is for Jaemin, you feel too sick to eat.

Silently handing him the bag, you can’t help but notice the shift in his attitude. You yourself are in no mood to partake in one of the many time passing conversations you two have come to have. But his attitude feels different, like he’s a shaken bottle of Coke ready to explode.

“Are you okay,” you ask timidly, not wanting to upset him anymore.

“I’m fine.”

“Jaemin-“

“No, y/n, no,” he snaps, turning to face you. “Just because we now know each other’s backstories doesn’t mean you get to do whatever this is. I’ve worked hard to make sure no one knows that about me and Emma. I called the schools for her when she’s sick, I taught her how to drive, and I’ve handled every finance that aren’t bills,” he scoffs, rolling his eyes. “My parents have the decency to do that for us. So don’t think just because you know this about me means I need your help. Because I don’t.”

For the second time in the past five minutes, a silence hangs over you two. You’re staring at him, a blank look spread across your face, as he stares back, breathing heavily from his sudden outburst.  

As shocking as it is, you can understand it. He’s feeling the same things you feel about your past.

Fear and shame.

Fear that because of his parents, he’ll be looked down upon. And shame because while he's afraid of being looked down on, he knows it’s justifiable.

“I’m sorry, you’re right. Just because I know that about you doesn’t mean I get to try and help you. God knows if any of us need help, it’s me. So let’s keep going.”

He looks at you, confusion replacing his previous hardened expression. You slightly smile at him, hoping to show him you’re on his side.  

“Come on,” you say, reaching out your hand to grab him and start walking. You’ve never been good at subtle comfort, but you’re hoping that by showing him you’re not going to judge him is a good start.

At first, he lags behind a few steps, letting you drag him. But when he eventually falls into step with you, he smiles at you over his shoulder, the same kind of smile you gave him.

Trust is everything when you’re trying to survive.

---

I’m sorry that took forever! I decided to join a few collabs to get over the writer’s block (which worked for the most part) and those ended up taking more time than I thought they would. 

I hope everyone has an amazing day/night, and I sincerely thank you for taking the time to read my stuff.  

Taglist: @drydrops891 

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