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highdramas · 3 months ago

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what about a jack abbot x reader where doctor!reader is assaulted by a patient and struggles with the ptsd after? reader doesn’t have family or many friends in the area for support so jack steps in and offers them comfort? idk i love how you write jack and i love some angsty hurt/comfort

sleeping with the lights on | dr. jack abbot

pairing: jack abbot x f!reader

warnings: description of violence (gunshot wound), language, age gap (reader is 29, abbot is 48), ptsd, reader really goes through it but jack is there!

word count: 3k

summary: the unspeakable happens to you, and jack is there through it all.

notes: if you are under 18 do not interact with my work or this fic. oooo anon, i loved this request! thank you! i hope i did it justice for you <3 this is not beta read so apologies for any typos! lmk if you'd be interested in a part two :)

you didn't intend to become an attending at PTMC once your residency was over. what you wanted was to find a position closer to home, but as fate would have it, the continual rejections wore you down. and with a junior attending position opening, it felt like it would be silly to let the opportunity pass you by. on the particularly bad nights, when you lay in bed with the lights on and hope that maybe nightmares won’t capture you that night, you ask yourself if you should’ve just held out for something else. but then you roll over and jack is there and you know you're where you should be.

the night it happened, you hadn’t slept well. you weren’t adjusting well to night shift but you were doing your best and you had so much caffeine in your system, your nerves already were fried. when you walked through the door before rounds, abbot took one look at you and said, “go home.”

“i’m fine,” you say without meeting his eye. if you weren’t fine, you would never forgive yourself. you didn’t put yourself through accelerated programs, didn’t pull countless all nighters, didn’t work your ass off to be an attending by twenty nine for nothing. no, you still had a chip on your shoulder. you wanted to prove that you could run with the big dogs.

“you look really fine,” dr. abbot says with a scoff, shaking his head, but not pressing further. you liked that about him. he was firm, but he knew when to back off and let you be.

but it’s only hours into your shift when it all changes– a rowdy patient. confused. you didn’t even have time to diagnose him before he went for the gun at his waist and blindly fired it, right at you. right into your arm, the bullet lodging within your muscle.

everything faded into a blur after that. the commotion. the pounding sound in your ears. you think you must have purposefully pushed it down. but you woke up slowly, with a wrapped arm, laying in an icu bed. with jack abbot in the seat beside you, his head hung, fingers laced in his lap.

when you started to move, he was up in an instant– not really sleeping, you figured. “hey, no quick movements. you’re okay.” you learned later that you were okay because jack sprang into action. you learned later just how bad it all could’ve been if jack wasn’t there, if jack wasn’t used to these kinds of wounds, if jack wasn’t your senior attending.

your throat was like sandpaper, and he passes you a water bottle from your bedside. a big bouquet of flowers sits on the table in your small room. “you got out of the OR couple hours ago,” he muses softly. as you awaken more, he divulges more details. “you’re okay. you’re gonna be alright. some nerve damage is the worst of it, but it’s not likely to be permanent. they got out all of the fragments from the bullet.”

jack sat with you until he had to go back on shift. you couldn’t ascertain why– you figured it must be his guilt. it had to be his guilt. but the days went on following the assault, and you were not perfectly alright.

and you didn’t know if you were ever going to be alright again.

when you were released to go home, you stood in the doorway of your apartment and you cried. not because you’d been shot at work. not because the use of your right arm was still spotty, at best. not because you didn’t know if this was something you could handle anymore.

you cried because being greeted with no one, nothing, rattled you. there was no one to fill your water bottle with the brita. there was no one to prop up your pillows. there was no one to make sure your pain meds were being taken at the appropriate times. no one to care for you.

you kept your injury from your friends and family back home. you didn’t know if it was wise, but it felt easier. if they didn’t know, then they couldn’t coax you back to the safe haven of familiarity. they couldn’t convince you to give up the thing that was your dream. you didn’t want to be living in what was once your childhood bedroom, which was now your dad’s office. you didn’t want to hear that you could find a great job locally. as much as you were unsure at first… you were glad that you stayed in pittsburgh. even with all of the difficulty that came with it.

the first day, you didn’t leave your bed. you kept your arm propped and you avoided answering any phone calls from home. you kept up with your friends through text the best you could– they’d notice if you weren’t responding. you watched all of the first season real housewives of salt lake city, and half of a season of survivor. you let your water bottle go empty. you let yourself wallow.

everyone from the hospital was being so lovely, but for some reason, you couldn’t find it within yourself to accept their charity. when they had asked if you had anyone to help you at home, you had assured them over and over again that, yes, you would be fine. jack had looked at you with a cocked head, but he didn’t push you.

on the second day, you mustered going to the couch. you propped your arm up and finished your season of survivor and doordashed the necessary provisions that you would need while you were still healing. you weren’t expecting anyone– when the door knock, you nearly jumped out of your skin.

when you checked through your peep hole, jack abbot was the last person that you were expecting to see.

his hands were full of reusable bags. his sunglasses were still on. his camouflage backpack was slung over one shoulder. he looked handsome, and strong.

opening your door for him, you don’t know what words to say, or what questions to ask. “will you let me in?” he asks.

you shift so that he can enter. he sets the bags down, takes his sunglasses and backpack off, and puts his warm hands on your arms. his right hand lives gently below your wrapped wound. he walks you back towards your couch. “what are you doing?” you finally find the competence to ask.

“from what i’ve gathered,” he says, gruff. “your family doesn’t live here. i don’t see you off gallivanting with friends. and when you lie, you chew on the inside of your cheek.” as he helps you settle back onto the couch, he adds, “i watched your tear your cheek up when dana asked if you have anyone to take care of you.”

despite everything he just said, how he stripped you down and saw you to the bone with minimal effort, all you could think of to ask was, “how do you know where i live?”

he smirks. “we do have an HR database, you know.”

“that has to violate my rights, somehow.”

jack huffs and stands up. “maybe. are you complaining?”

always the risk taker, you think. you give a meek shake of your head.

“now,” he rubs his hands together and leans down so that he’s on your level. “what can i do to help you?”

“abbot,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. “you don’t have to do all of this. i know you feel bad, i know you’re just trying to be nice, but i’m fine.” you chew on the inside of your cheek without even thinking twice about it. “go home. i appreciate you. but you got off, what– five hours ago?”

“today’s my day off,” he counters.

“even more reason to go, be home. catch up on your sleep.”

he sighs. you can tell that you’ve exasperated him. “how about this. i’m gonna clean up your place. get a real meal made for you. and by the time i’ve done that, maybe you’ll cook up some ideas for what else i can do. capisce?”

you roll your eyes, but don’t argue.

for awhile, you watch him work. he does everything with such precision and decisiveness. he figures out the rhyme and reason of your apartment quickly, and the way he moves around, you would think that he has been living in your space, your orbit, for years. he maneuvers your apartment like he knows exactly how your brain works. hell– maybe he does.

at some point, you drift off to sleep. when you wake up, the glittering pittsburgh skyline winks back at you through your big window. jack is approaching, two plates in his hand. he sets them both down on the coffee table and smirks at you. “hey, sleeping beauty.”

you try not to read too much into his comment. “hi,” you begin to stretch, but that shooting pain goes up your arm and you wince, bringing it back down. “how long was i out?”

“about…” he looks at his watch. “four hours?”

“four hours?” you repeat. you can’t remember the last time you napped, period, let alone for more than thirty minutes. you crane your neck around, and you think your apartment may be the cleanest it’s ever been. even the dishes from the immaculate meal, if the smell is any indication, that abbot made for you.

“yeah. you needed it.” jack motions with his fingers. “sit up, and i’ll help you get all set up.”

you reluctantly do as he says. he adjusts the pillows until you’re still reclined, but able to eat comfortably. he sets the plate into your hands. “oh–” he turns and grabs your water bottle. you watch him walk off to the kitchen, retrieve the now-full brita from the fridge, and fill your water bottle to the brim. he walks back and places it on the coffee table.

jack sits on the couch at the opposite end. your feet barely graze his thigh. he takes his plate and turns the tv back on, survivor starting, right where you left off.

disbelief settles into you. you stare at him and he’s staring back. and it’s hard to explain this feeling in your chest, but it takes over you, and you find yourself fighting back tears. “thank– thank you. thank you.” you look down at the food he prepared and laughed. spaghetti and meatballs. you look back up, still blinking the tears away. “thank you.”

jack’s hand rests on your ankle, and he gives it a squeeze. “you’re welcome.” he eyes your plate. “go on. eat.”

–

jack didn’t leave before giving you a thorough check up, making sure all of your vitals were still good. when he seemed satisfied, he left, and told you to text him if you needed anything else. leftovers were in the fridge. he stocked you up with easy things to prepare. he made life easier, when it felt like it was at its worst.

jack checked on you regularly– sometimes dropping by, other times with a text or a phone call. he even kept you abreast with the goings on of the office, who was whispering about who, because he knew that you found amusement in that sort of thing. everyone took turns visiting you, making sure you were well cared for. it felt like there was usually at least one person from the hospital checking in on you per day, but none more than jack. not even dana.

“you know– abbot has been really worried about you,” garcia says as you two sip on tea she’d brewed for you and munch on sandwiches from your favorite spot. “when i came down after it all happened, i don’t think i’ve ever seen him like that.”

“like what?” you ask around a bite.

she shrugs. “i don’t know. he just looked… frantic. determined.” she mulls it over. “scared. we all were, but he was different.” she pauses and furrows her gaze at you. “are you two…?”

“no!” you laugh, shaking your head. “no, god no. he doesn’t think of me like that.”

“but you think of him like that?” she asks with a smirk.

you suppose you were caught, at that point, but you glower and change the subject.

for as sad as you were on that first day, things seem to have turned around. if nothing else… it was a good reminder that you weren’t alone. not really.

–

you were able to return to work after a month. your stomach was in knots– you’d had to sleep with the lights on since everything happened because you felt so… scared. loud noises scared you. when you closed your eyes at night to sleep, you would see the man’s face under those fluorescent lights. the unbridled fear in his eyes. you didn’t know what happened to him other than that, apparently, abbot and robby took care of it. you didn’t want to know anything else.

once again, standing in front of PTMC, you were forced to ask yourself if you were cut out for this. who was to say that something like that couldn’t happen again? it was out of the norm, even for a patient on healthcare worker assault, but it wasn’t impossible. what if you weren’t so lucky this time?

you let out a shaky breath and hold onto your bag a bit tighter. you were only working half days for two more weeks, and everyone tried to get you to agree to day shift, but you were adamant that it was important that you be on night shift.

that you be with abbot.

he met you outside. when he looked at you, you felt frozen in place. your hands shake and you cover your mouth with one, despite your trembling. jack looks at you, not with pity, but with understanding. and he pulls you in, gently, by your elbow, until you’re leaning into his chest and crying, and he’s murmuring to, “let it all out, i have you.”

you don’t go inside that day. you don’t go inside the next day when you try, either. but on the third day, when abbot meets you outside, the two of you walk in together.

the feeling that you’re being coddled is one that you cannot live with. you make it clear that you can handle it, that you want to be in the thick of it with everyone. when a GSW to the chest comes in, you try to pretend that it’s okay. you focus on the work and what you can do and even when you lose him, you keep yourself together. you last the full six hours and, yeah, you’re proud of yourself. you really are.

jack finds you at the end, on the roof. you knew that was sort of his thing, but it felt right– there was clarity, being so high up, and you wanted a taste of it. the sunrise was a picture of pinks, and you smiled at it. it felt like a warm hug, from an old friend.

“you did good today.” you look over your shoulder to see him approaching you. you sit on the ground, legs crossed, and he sits next to you. “i’m proud of you, doc.”

looking down at your lap, you smile, before your gaze slowly trails over to him. “i’m slower than normal,” you say. “and i don’t think my brain is fully working again, yet. but… i’m proud, too.”

“you should be.” jack looks out at the sunrise and chews on his lip. “you really scared me.”

surprised by his words, you look at him. “you said it yourself. it was a superficial wound. the fragments were concerning, sure, but there was never going to be a serious–”

“i don’t mean the injury,” jack says. “i mean you.”

“oh.” looking back down, you pick at your cuticle. “i’m fine.”

“you always say that, but i never believe you.” jack’s hand reaches out, and he takes yours, preventing you from bloodying your fingers with your nerves. he splays your fingers out, and it feels good in its simplicity. “i want you to tell me when it gets bad. trust me– it’s going to get bad. but it doesn’t have to stay bad,” you look up at him and he smiles when you make eye contact. “and it doesn’t have to be bad, alone.”

with a light laugh, you lean forward until your forehead rests on his shoulder. his hand runs through your hair, pushing back to kiss the crown of your head. then, tilting your chin up, your forehead. and then, your eyes are fluttering open and his are nearly lulled shut, but you nod your head once, and that’s all the permission that he needs.

skillfully, his hand cups your jaw, his thumb traces the bone and you grip his wrist as an anchor. he takes this seriously, you can tell– there’s determination in his hold, and you want him to feel yours, too. and when he finally leans in and kisses you, it feels like a garden of wildflowers has just bloomed in your heart.

jack, it seems, is good at everything. he’s good at cleaning your apartment and figuring out where things go. he’s good at cooking. he’s good at knowing what it is you need without saying it. he’s good at sewing you back together– literally. he’s good at being just what you need.

and he’s really, really good at kissing you.

jack abbot kisses like it’s the last thing he’s ever going to do. he kisses you like you’re slipping through his fingers, like you might fade away if he doesn’t. one moment, it’s just one tender hand on your jaw. the next, it’s both, cupping your face like you’re a precious jewel. he parts from you and examines your face carefully, his fingertips tracing your brow bone, down the bridge of your nose, the cupids bow of your lip.

you lean forward into him and he holds you. you feel your shoulders shake with a real, true cry. a full release. all of the fear, sorrow, grief, wanting, needing– you let it all out while jack holds you, nods his head, and says something so simple, but exactly what you need to hear– “i know, baby. i know.”

#jack abbot x reader #jack abbot imagine #jack abbott x reader #jack abbott imagine #the pitt fanfiction #the pitt fanfic #sleeping with the lights on #my writing

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oldermenfucker · 2 months ago

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You’re losing me | Dr. Robby

summary: he doesn’t notice how his behavior in The Pitt is making you fall from his arms, until the consequences of his actions catch up with him.

warnings: 18+ mdni! Smut, angst with a happy ending, fluff, Robby doesn’t even realize he’s being a dick until it’s a tad bit too late, fem!reader, resident!reader, Abbot!reader (yes she is Jack’s younger sister), age gap (she’s late 20s/early 30s & Robby early 50s), p in v sex, lots of praise, mentions of blood & trauma (it’s The Pitt soooo), English isn’t my first language<3

word count: 9.8k+

an: hiiii so this is my first fic in this fandom hopefully you guys like this!!! More fics of our gorgeous Dr. Daddy and his bestie our other Dr. Daddy will be coming your way<333

Reblogs & comments are always appreciated!💕✨

You hate the quiet days of ER, as peaceful as it can get through. You crave the adrenaline rush you get from a trauma running through the doors, half bloody and half dead, but today even those cases can’t make your blood pressure as high as the scene in front of you does.

Collins chuckles at something Robby says, snorting and putting her hand up in surrender, patting his biceps before she leaves him alone. And him? He smiles back, his wrinkles around his eye deepening as his eyes follow her.

He is doing exactly what he labeled as ‘unprofessional’ behind closed doors with her, making you mad at him. He told you you must keep your relationship a secret or it would turn into The Pitt’s hottest gossip, and he didn’t want that, and given how most of the nurses and doctors know about his past relationship with Collins, it upsets you beyond belief.

You took this residency program to be with your brother and Robby, and also to get a steady job in the same hospital. Jack helped you tremendously with your transfer, making sure everything was perfect for you to take the morning shifts with your boyfriend, all so you could spend time with him more often.

But now, you are rethinking your decision to the point of no return. It has been months since you started your shifts here, and from the very beginning, Robby treated you like shit. Always hard on you, always criticizing your diagnosis, always on your back with a harsh comment.

You played it off like everyone else did, making sure to nod and say ‘yes, sir’ and move towards the next patient. But every word stung, and when you would tell him at night when you cuddled in his bed, he would brush it off and act like nothing happened.

It was fine at first, or at least you tried to deny what it truly was, but now, seeing him being so lighthearted with everyone in a slow shift while he barks orders at you left and right tears your heart into pieces, and worse, the smiles are always thrown in the direction of every doctor and nurse but you.

You look away as best as you can, trying to find a good case as you lean on Robby’s workstation, tapping your fingers in a rhythm as you scan the trauma board, biting your lip as you hear his footsteps approaching.

“Dr. Abbot,” he says, standing behind you while he looks between you and the board, “What are you looking for?”

“Something to take the edge off,” you don’t mean to sound snappy, but the words come out harsher than intended, and you take a deep breath because with the uncomfortable silence between the two of you, you are sure he has raised an eyebrow at you, waiting to come up with a snarky comment, “I’ll take the biker, Santos is with me.”

“Good,” he nods, pushing his fists into his pockets, but you don’t bother yourself to even glance at him, pushing past him as you drop your stethoscope around your neck, calling for Santos to follow you to the trauma bay.

You do not turn around to see Robby’s reaction; he is probably stunned by the way you ignored him. You have never done that despite how he treats you; it just never settled right inside you to be mean to him, but that was enough to set your mood off for the rest of the shift.

“Alright, what do we have here?” One question, and you get bombarded with answers, and you get your hands on the patient to stabilize him. Santos answers your questions and helps you with everything you might need.

You are light on your feet, keeping everyone in check in the trauma room to make sure the best treatment is given to the poor man who had crashed his bike. Santos listens closely, being snarky and witty about her comebacks, but helps you as best as she can, nonetheless.

“How’s the patient?” You watch as Santos starts to intubate the biker, her hands slightly shaking, ignoring Robby’s presence as he gloves in and moves next to stand next to you, listening to the nurses update him on the patient’s status.

“I’m in!” Santos beams, looking up at you, and you smile back, giving her a quick thumbs up before you turn around, suddenly chest to chest with Robby.

He looks down at you, a silent question hanging in the air between you as he keeps staring back, raising an eyebrow in curiosity. You take a deep breath in response, taking off your gloves roughly, making a loud smacking sound of plastic echo in the trauma room.

“He’s stable and ready to go to the OR,” you fist the gloves in a ball, pulling the white gown off in a hurry, taking a step around Robby to avoid his burning stare, “Santos helped a lot.”

“You called the shots without telling me first.” It’s not a question; it is a statement, and he does not look happy at all. “You are still a resident, you have two more years to go! Why are you being so reckless?”

“The patient was dying, Dr. Robby, I had to do what was necessary—“

“You were unsupervised—“

“She wasn’t,” Collins steps into the room, looks between the two doctors with a small smile, pointing at Santos, who stands awkwardly next to Collins, pouting slightly and rocking on the balls of her feet, “Dr. Santos came to me and told me about this case.”

You gape at her, fighting off a small grateful smile before feeling your heart thumping in your ribcage as if it’s ready to jump out; you are angry at him, furious even, and Robby is just as hot-headed if not more. You can see the dark glare in his eyes as he looks between Collins and you, finally settling them on you.

“Dr. Collins is also a resident, you must consult an Attending. Don’t ever do that again,” he whips out his own gloves, his usual warm brown eyes hold nothing but anger, “You are lucky he is stable.”

“I am not lucky, Dr. Robby.” You take another step closer, feeling his hot breath fanning against your face, “I am a good doctor, hell, even a great doctor. I can do it on my own.”

“Trauma coming through in two minutes! Drowning victim!” Dana’s shout stops Robby from firing back a response to you.

“We’re not done yet,” he points his finger at you, scoffing when you look up, trying your best not to break down in front of everyone. With that, Robby jogs toward the gurney Langdon is pulling into another trauma room, leaving you, Santos, and Collins alone.

“Walk with me, Dr. Abbot?” Collins smiles, muttering to Santos to go find another patient before she waits for you to join her at the door, watching you closely as you slam your gloves and gown into the trash, using the sanitizer machine on the wall before you give her a quick smile.

“Sure.”

You both walk to the nurse station, standing shoulder to shoulder while you look at the trauma board. You are nervous; how can you not be? Collins is Robby’s ex. She is gorgeous, intelligent, and a very talented doctor. But what is making you shake slightly is how she stepped in to save you from your boyfriend’s scolding.

“Thank you…” You mumble quietly, or as quietly as you can in a chaotic ER, giving her a grateful yet awkward smile as well.

“Don’t worry about it,” she sighs, pushing her hands into the pockets of her jacket, shrugging before she continues, “I’ve been in your shoes a few years ago. It’s exhausting.”

“What?” You ask, confused and dumbfounded, your lips parting in surprise when she side eyes you playfully, shaking her head and laughing slowly, “What do you mean? What are you laughing at, Dr. Collins?”

“You guy are not as subtle as you think you are,” she sighs, wrapping her arm around your shoulders, pulling you into her side as she looks back at the board, squeezing your shoulder, “I can see how you look at him, I used to do the same, having high hopes that one day he’ll quit being harsh on me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you try to play it off cool, acting as if you have no idea what she is saying, but Collins sees straight through your lie, raising her eyebrows at you with boredom. You sigh, dropping your head on her shoulder, “Fine! Yes, he’s my boyfriend, or at least I thought he was. It is… tiresome to deal with his mean words every day.”

“He’s been riding you for so long,” she sighs too, patting your arm gently, “It’s no excuse, but… he thinks if he pushes you away, he can maintain his professional standards or whatever he calls them. He’s done it before, and he’s doing it again.”

“I know what he is trying to do,” you shake your head, exhaling shakily, “He doesn’t want anyone to find out he’s dating his resident, and Jack Abbot’s younger sister, so he goes on a spiral to be mean to me and put a distance between us.”

“Well, he’s doing a poor job at both,” she snorts, letting go of you to reach for an iPad, going through different cases to choose one for you. “He is an idiot, you just have to learn to live with it if you wanna work here.”

“Sometimes I think he hates me.”

“Hey, no—“

“What are you two up to?” Dana interrupts Heather, leaning on the station behind her as she looks between the two of you, “What has he done this time?”

“He’s being unreasonable to Dr. Abbot.”

“Not unreasonable, but… just how an attending with a ‘Robinavitch’ last name would be,” you try to crack a joke, but Dana winces and gives you a sympathetic look.

“C’mon, I’ve known him more than your experiences combined. He is being a dick to you because he is scared, give him hell for it, alright? Now go play doctors until I knock some sense into your loverboy.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Collins says, pointing at one of the trauma rooms, “South fourteen, Twenty-four years old male with a twisted ankle — probably sprained. Take this, Dr. Abbot, it’ll give you a break until you are well enough to come back.”

“Thank you,” you say, grabbing the iPad from her hands, nodding as you walk towards the patient’s room, head swirling with different thoughts about what those two women just told you.

You are aware of what Robby is doing, or at least you think you do. It makes sense to some extent; he is a professional man, a doctor who runs The Pitt and barely survives every day, and yet, he gives you the worst treatment out of everyone because he doesn’t want to reveal your relationship to the world.

And it breaks your heart to tolerate his mean words and being the punching bag to his sour moods, receiving all the blows just because you are in arm’s reach — what makes it worse is that he does not even realize how bad his words are, and when you confront him at night after his long hot shower, he only shrugs and tells you if Dana found out about you, then everyone can.

Excuse after excuse.

You roll your shoulders back, knocking on the door as you enter the trauma room, finding Princess going through the patient’s file and waiting for you to join them.

“Good morning, I’m Dr. Abbot!” You smile and get to work, sitting on the chair next to the bed as you examine the guy’s ankle, looking for inflammation and bruising as you try to distract him from the pain.

“Well, you’re lucky it’s not broken,” you nod, taking your gloves off before turning toward Princess, “Send him to radiology to get an X-ray, I’m sure it’s only a sprain, but let’s take a look anyway.”

“Dr. Abbot!” Mel barges inside the room, panting slightly as she looks at you with wide eyes, “New patient! Forty-five-year-old female with a head concussion and a broken stick in her upper arm. She fell on the fence while she was trying to clean the windows of her house.”

“Let’s go,” you stand up, dropping the gloves you used on the previous patient into the bin, sanitizing your hands before running towards the gurney, finding Mohan and Robby discussing different procedures, “How is she?”

“Pupils dilated, unresponsive—“ you try to focus on what Samira is saying, you are, but Robby’s gaze moves from the patient to you, watching you closely as you and Mohan start to stabilize the patient, but it is awfully hard to not get distracted with how intense his presence is.

“She’s having a heart attack—“ you rush to lower the back of the bed, flattening the patient before scissoring her dress, baring her chest to Mel to put the pads on, Mohan increasing the voltage to two hundred, waiting for everyone to step back, “Clear!”

The patient does not respond to the shock. Mohan and Robby work together to keep her blood pressure high, but all of a sudden, the lines of the monitor go flat, and the beeping stops.

“Asystolic…” Mel whispers, standing next to you as Mohan takes off the pads, waiting for her Attending’s orders.

“Start compressions!”

You put one knee on the bed, interlocking your fingers before starting to push on the patient’s chest, huffing with each move as everyone waits in the room with bated breath.

“Hold compressions,” Robby tells you, waiting to see if the heart restarts, but when he sees the flat line again, he sighs, rubbing a hand down his face, “Push an epi and resume compressions again.”

You begin to push down on her chest, body, and shoulders, moving with each press, trying to keep your breathing in check while you look at Robby to say something, anything.

But the line falls flat again after you stop, but before you can bend down to restart CPR, Robby’s voice stops you, “She’s dead,” he announces, looking down at his watch before he exhales deeply, “16:38…”

You step down from the bed, throwing your head back with your hands on your hips, shaking your head as you silently mourn the loss of your patient.

“Doctor Abbot, a word?”

Your fingers tighten at your hips, and when you look back at him, you find him already leaving towards the break room, not even waiting for you to follow him. With a scoff, you move behind him, ignoring Mel and Samira’s confused stares.

“What is it—“

“What was that?” He stops as soon as you both are in the break room, pressing his lips into a thin line as he intertwines his fingers behind his neck, letting out a humourless chuckle.

“What was what, Robby? I did what you told me—“ you try to answer as best as possible, but when he turns around, his chocolate eyes overflowing with disbelief.

“Who does a compression like that? They were too weak, not deep enough, and they were not helping! Just a waste of time on a patient we could have saved—“

“Don’t you fucking dare!” You raise your voice, pointing to his chest before fisting your hands and lock your hands next to your body, “They were fine, just as they should have been! Don’t put this loss on me, she had a head concussion and god knows how many wood chips in her bloodstream. We didn’t even get to check that—“

“You are messing up real bad today.”

“This case was supervised by you, Doctor Robinavitch,” you spit the words out, gone the calm girl who would brush his horrible words off, now replaced with a furious woman, “How hypocritical of you to say belittling isn’t a good way of teaching and yet, you are insulting and belittling me, your girlfriend, Robby!”

“This is my workplace, I am your Attending, not your goddamn boyfriend,” he replies, his tone dangerously low, and for the first time, he seems to be taken back by his own outburst, dropping his head as he takes a long breath.

“Fine,” your lips quiver, voice breaking slightly, which makes Robby’s head snap upwards and his eyes widen as he realizes what unbelievable damage he has done, “I’ll leave you to it then.”

“Wait, honey—“

“Don’t.”

With one last glance, you march out of the room toward the nurse’s station, looking for Dana to see if you can clock out earlier. You cannot stay in this place any longer, it is eating you alive and tearing your sanity apart.

“Have you seen Dana?” As soon as you see her walking with Collins, you approach her with teary eyes, nails digging harshly into your palms, “Dana, I need out.”

“What happened to you, kid?” She asks, putting her hands on your shoulders, gently rubbing your arms up and down, “Come on, let’s get you some air.”

Heather only smiles and reaches to pat your back, shaking her head as she watches Dana guide you towards the ambulance bay, turning to glare at Robby, who just stepped out of the break room.

You don’t have the strength to keep your tears from falling as soon as Dana leads you out. You cry softly, wiping the tears as they stream down your cheeks, melting into Dana’s motherly embrace.

“I’m sorry—“

“Shh, you’re okay, kid,” she wraps her arms around you tightly, holding your face to her shoulder as you cry out, “I’m gonna kick his ass, don’t worry.”

You cackle a little, squeezing her before letting go, allowing her to cup your face in her hands, giving you a soft, defeated look before she starts talking.

“You are a great doctor, alright? One of our best residents, don’t let a man fuck it up,” she holds your head straight, forcing you to open your eyes and look at her, “He is a dick, I know that—“

“There’s a but coming and I don’t like it.” You try to move away from her, but she keeps your head locked in place, her gaze turning serious.

“But…” you sigh, rolling your eyes at her, but she only cracks a smile and continues, “He is lost. It’s been so long since he has felt like this. The last time was with Heather, and let me tell you it was just as bad in the hospital.”

“So he treats his girlfriend like shit until she gives up?” Your voice shakes again, finally freeing yourself from her grip, pacing in the ambulance bay, “I hate how he says to remain professional, yet all he does is complain and belittle me for my medical decisions and when I bring it up he says it’s all empty fucking words and he doesn’t mean it!”

“He doesn’t mean any of it, I’m sure—“

“I’m done, Dana,” you sniff, wiping your tears with the back of your hand, looking at her with eyes full of sorrow. “I can’t take it anymore.”

“Look at me,” she raises your head with a finger under your chin, her tone dead serious, “I know it must be exhausting, but do you want to know what it is that makes the thing you have so special and worth the effort?”

“What?”

“He is in love with you,” she smiles, bringing you into her arms again, rocking you back and forth as you smell her hospital-induced scent, “I have never seen him like this.”

“It doesn’t make it okay for him to insult me… he said,” you hiccup on your sob, “He said that when we are here he isn’t my ‘goddamn boyfriend’ and… he said it like the word repulsed him.”

“He’s such an idiot,” she groans, watching in confusion as you reach for your phone, pulling it out before you call someone, “What are you doing?”

“I’m calling Jack.”

“No, ah uh, nope,” she shakes her head, giving you a disapproving look, but she knows how hard Robby’s words must be, and they definitely have taken a toll on you and your relationship. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, kid.”

“Too late for that,” you sigh, tapping your feet on the ground as you wait for your brother to answer, “Jack, answer the fucking phone.”

“Hmm?”

“Good afternoon, sleepyhead,” you scoff, throwing your hand up when he groans at your voice. “Be at least a bit excited to hear my voice, Jack.”

“The day I do that you’ll bury me six feet deep,” Jack says on the other side of the phone, voice raspy from the deep sleep he must have had, “Usually texting me fills the hole in your miserable life, sister, how bad is it this time that you needed to call?”

“I…” you try to say it, you really do, but the words get stuck inside your throat, a slow whine breaks past your lips, alerting your brother on the phone.

“Hey, hey! What’s up?” His usual sarcastic demeanor fades away, his voice shifting into unimaginable concern, “Talk to me, kid. Are you okay?”

“I…” you suck in a sharp breath, clearing your throat as you look at Dana smoking a cigarette next to you, “No, I’m not.”

“Are you physically hurt? Do I need to come? What the fuck’s happened, kiddo?” You can hear him shuffle around, probably putting on his pants to bolt through the door and get himself to the hospital.

“No and yes,” you sit on the edge of the pavement, “I think I wanna move back in with you—“

“What the fuck?” He says with so much love, you nearly melt at the spot, “What happened? Did he do something? Do I need to break his nose?”

“You love him more than you love me, so it doesn’t work like that,” you chuckle, sighing softly as you listen to him grumble and put his prosthetic leg on, “But… yeah, I can’t handle it anymore, I think I’ll move back in with you if you’re okay with it.”

“Of course, kid, whatever you want,” you hear him zip up his jacket, walking towards the door of his apartment to come and get you. “Wanna tell me what happened?”

“He’s so mean to me on our shifts, I can’t bear to be the only person he speaks to like that. It’s affecting my practices and my fucking sanity,” you drop your head between your arms, back hunching uncomfortably, “He acts more lovingly with Collins than he does with me and it upsets me so much.”

“Listen up,” he locks the door and walks to the elevator, “He is an ass for whatever reason he must have, but I know you, and I know him. You don’t deserve to be the one on whom he takes out his frustration, and I know you’ve tried to talk it out with him, but he’s probably too far into his head to listen to the voice of reason. I’m gonna come and get you so we can talk.”

“Okay, call me when you get here, I’m gonna go see a few patients before I clock out, love you.”

“Love you, too, kiddo. Stay away from him.”

“Will do my best,” you say and hang up, shrugging when Dana gives you her significant look, “What now?”

“Nothing, just you’re too sweet and caring. Robby better get his head outta the water and see what he’s taking for granted.”

You chuckle, shoving your phone back into your pocket, stretching your arms before getting ready to get back into the hellhole you chose to spend the rest of your residency in, Dana following you after she puts out her cigarette with the tip of her sneakers.

“Let’s hope it’s not too late for that.”

•••••

You barely manage to handle a few patients for the next half hour without running into Robby, stabling, and helping with the triage from time to time until Jack gets here to pick you up.

“I’m gonna go…” You announce to Dana and Collins, sitting down to finish one last report and head out, “I… I think I might take night shifts from now on.”

“What?”

“C’mon, no, that’s a stretch—“ Heather says, sitting down on the rolling chair and moving it to sit next to you, “We need you here. You’re an amazing doctor, besides every shift needs an Abbot at most.”

“Yeah, well, the whole point of getting into the morning shifts was to learn from and spend time with Robby. Now that went down the fucking drain,” you look at Heather, your tone clipped and exhausted, “He is throwing a year and half relationship away for… whatever reasons. I don’t have to tolerate it anymore.”

“Please, reconsider this,” Dana jumps in, leaning over the station, “Go for now, take tomorrow off, and talk with Jack.”

“Will do— and my job’s done here! I’ll see you when I take the night shifts from you,” You smile, hugging both of them quickly before you go to the lockers, grabbing your belongings before you reply to Jack’s ‘I’m here, knucklehead’ with a quick thanks.

You don’t look behind you as you bolt to the exit of the ED, not hearing Robby’s footsteps following you as you make your way to the park in front of the hospital, seeing Jack’s truck waiting for you.

“Wait—“

You don’t. You can’t. If you stay one more minute here, you will lose your mind. You pick up your pace, ignoring the calls of your name as you walk faster, sighing in relief when Jack steps down from his truck, but as soon as you reach him, Robby grabs your arm, not hard enough to hurt you but enough to ground you.

“Where are you going?” He asks, his eyes wide in anticipation, chest heaving rapidly, as if he is imagining all these, “Your shift isn’t over yet…?”

“I can’t continue working on a shift that my Attending has no respect for me,” you turn around, looking at him dead in the eyes but the tears betray you sooner than you expected, “I have already told Jack I’ll switch to night shifts with him and he said he’ll sign it off for me—“

“I did?” Jack whispers, raising his eyebrow at you as he glances between you and Robby.

“Don’t do this, darling, look at me—“ Robby cups your cheeks in his hands, wiping your tears with his thumb, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know—“

“I need time! You clearly don’t like me enough to be a decent human being to me on our shifts! I chose to stay with you, to learn from you and be with you during the hard days but you are fucking unbelievable!”

“Alright, alright,” Jack interrupts when he sees Robby’s glassy eyes, and it is only a matter of time he will breakdown in front of you — something that has never happened before — so he puts his hand on Robby’s back, “I’ll take her home for now, brother. Both of you need some time away from each other.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow then…” Robby replies hopefully, gently stroking your arm as he stares into your eyes, waiting for any sign of forgiveness, but when he sees none, he nods and steps away.

You miss the warmth of his grip immediately, but the ache in your chest is far too great to push everything aside and cave in. You need this time off, you must think and come up with a solution. Perhaps the night shift might help you take your mind off him.

“I’m off tomorrow,” you reply, wiping the tear that falls on your cheek quickly, turning your back to the men who are looking at you attentively, “I just need some space.”

“Okay…”

“Alright,” Jack hugs Robby, patting his back, “I think you fucked up big time, brother. Let me talk to her and see what happens, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Robby nods, head hanging low as he watches you get inside the truck, sighing deeply before he says his goodbye to Jack and leaves, running a hand through his hair while he walks away.

“Talk, kid,” Jack starts the truck, waiting for you to say something, anything, but you only stifle your sobs and look down at your hands, squeezing your eyes shut, “Only the senior Abbot gets to be the traumatized sad one. So… “

“He is… a lot, but I thought I could handle it,” you wipe the tears, resting your elbow on the window’s edge, watching how Jack starts turning the wheel and drives the car out of the parking, “Hell, I was handling it, but I didn’t know he would turn into such a short tempered and spiteful person only towards me. He even…” you choke on your sob before you continue, “He even treats Gloria better than me, can you imagine it? He criticizes every diagnosis I make, every order I give, every single pill I prescribe, but it’s just me, his girlfriend…”

“I’m sorry,” Jack sighs, stopping the car when the light turns red, reaching to hold your hand, his hazel eyes finding your teary ones. He shakes his head slightly, his heart clenching at the sight of you tittering at the edge of a breakdown before he pulls you closer, resting your head on his shoulder, kissing your forehead as the two of you wait for the light to turn green, “He is being a dick to you because he is scared… he did the same thing to Collins but… It’s pretty different this time. I know it, I can see it, he is afraid of losing you more than losing himself.”

“It doesn’t make sense!” You hiccup, tears spilling from your eyes, “Can’t he see that being so-so harsh on me leads to exactly what he fears? He is losing me, Jack, and I hate it. I don’t want him to lose me, but every day I spend in the ER with him, I feel him slipping away from my fingers slowly. I don’t wanna lose him either.”

Jack keeps quiet, kissing the crown of your head once or twice as he starts driving again, letting you tell him everything, opening your heart to him.

“I saw how he was with Heather years ago before I even began to like him,” you say, no longer crying, just voicing your feelings in a numb tone while your heart aches for some sort of relief, “And I thought we were different, I thought he changed, but… maybe there is no hope for us either.”

“He loves you,” Jack replies, “He loved Heather too, but… he is in love this time.”

“How are you so sure?” You ask, straightening your back as you look at his side profile, watching how a small smile takes over his face.

“I know him better than you do, kid.”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” you scoff playfully, “My brother knows my boyfriend better than I. Are you sure he’s not cheating on me with you?”

“Please, I’ll never lower my standards to Robby.” he winks at you when you snort, “You bet no one wants him, he’s all yours.”

“Well, I’m not really sure about that anymore,” you shrug, “I don’t think he’s even mine anymore… and mind you, I always wanted my partner to be like you, so take it as an insult with a grain of salt, asshole.”

“You wound me,” Jack chuckles, glancing at your soft, unsure smile, “on the night shift thing… Are you sure you want me to be your Attending? I can be worse than him.”

“I’m used to your horrible attitude, and besides, we don’t have sex, so your chances of hurting me are half as likely.”

“I’m too old to be the victim of your incest jokes,” he reaches for the remote to open the door to the apartment’s parking lot, “And I do have sex, but unlike you, I don’t like shoving it in my sister’s face.”

“I never did that!” You laugh, nudging his side with your elbow when he safely parks the car, “I’m just saying I don’t take your insults as my Attending seriously because we’re blood related and I know what goes through your head.”

“Maybe that’s the problem,” Jack sighs, rubbing a palm over his face, “Not maybe, definitely. He can’t say what goes through his head and… it bottles up inside him until he explodes.”

“Then that’s too bad, cause the only person he harms is me.”

••••••••••

Robby has been searching for you all through the ER for the past week. You know it is not the most mature way to go through this crisis, but it doesn’t hurt to give him a taste of his own medicine.

You start taking the night shifts, meeting with Dana and Collins as night owls take over the floor while you openly avoid Robby at all times, fleeing the scene every time you get so much as a glimpse of his navy blue hoodie in the corner of your eye.

He, too, has been chasing you relentlessly. Making sure to stay a few more hours to just see you and get to tell you a simple hello, but you go out of your way to hide in the bathroom until Ellis comes and collects you, giving you a thumbs up that means Robby’s given up on finding you again.

This is the routine for a good few nights; escaping Robby for the first hours of your shift, having a breakdown in the bathroom, save a bunch of lives and argue with your brother — Attending — until you sneak out of the hospital without Robby seeing you when he comes to take over the floor from your brother.

Jack forces you to take a few days off this week. You have been running through ER every night on caffeine and energy drinks, four hours of sleep, and a broken heart. So, given how much of a great brother Jack is, he tells you to take a few nights off this week.

Home alone, comfy under a blanket with a boring movie playing on the TV, the least you could expect is to hear a knock on your brother’s apartment at such a dark hour — and worse? You recognize the pattern of knocks immediately. Three knocks: one slow and unsure, the second one stronger and confident, the last one shy and anticipating.

You want to disappear, to ignore the knocks and melt through the cushions of the couch. But the very familiar pattern is pulling you in, making your heart race and limbs tingling.

With some courage that is near nonexistent, you push the blanket off, slowly padding towards the door, flexing and relaxing your fingers a few times, a couple deep breaths before you reach for the door knob, twisting it and revealing a very tired and teary-eyed Robby.

Your breath hitches as you take him in; shoulders slumped heavily, eyebags much darker than you remember, his body tense with so much unresolved emotion, and his eyes… his eyes, those pools of chocolate brown that always make your face warm and your heart beat rapidly — they are filled to the brim with shame and guilt. It will only take one push to have those watercolor droplets stream down his cheeks.

“Robby…”

He closes his eyes, taking a deep inhale as if hearing his name fall from your lips is the freshest air he has ever breathed. You can see him visibly relax, your voice soothing his concerns about your well-being.

“Hi,” he leans with his hand on the doorframe, looking down at his shoes as he tries to keep his voice from breaking, “Hi…”

“Hey,” you bite your lip, looking behind him as you try to gather your thoughts, “What are you doing here?”

“I…” he squeezes his eyes shut, his fingers tightening around the wooden frame, dragging his eyes back to yours slowly, letting you use them as a mirror to his soul, “I had to see you.”

“Robby—“

“No, no, let me talk—“ he cuts you off, resting his hands on the bridge of his nose, then sighing and putting them on his hips, “I fucked up, I know that. I-I messed up so bad, I know, I fucking know. You’re a goddamn amazing doctor, my best resident, I loathe myself for how I treated you.”

“You were so mean…” You can feel your own tears stinging your eyes, and it only gets worse when you look up to him, finding him flushed and on the verge of breaking, “Why?”

“Just my mind playing tricks on me. I thought if I pushed you away in the hospital, we could work better together, and then-then the lines blurred and I couldn’t notice how far I distanced myself from you.”

“I was right there, Robby,” you gasp, sucking in a sharp breath as the tears finally burst, “All you had to do was to give us one chance to work together.”

“Don’t cry,” he whispers, hands shaking as he reaches to cup your face, his face wet from seeing your tears, “I can’t handle it, I will break beyond repair if I see you cry, please…”

You put your palms on top of his, leaning forward to gently rest your forehead against his, sobbing in his arms. You are quite surprised when you hear him sniff and cry, just as equally pained and sad — he is crying because you are crying.

“No one deserves your tears,” he leans down and kisses the droplets slowly, his chapped lips making a beautiful contrast with your soft skin. First your cheeks, following the wet path down to your chin before he comes up and pecks your closed eyelids, “Much less me.”

“Don’t say that—“

“I’m so sorry, sweet girl,” you can feel him softly crying as he presses his lips to the top of your head, breathing in the scent of your shampoo he so desperately misses, “I can’t function without you on my shifts, I can’t think straight, I can’t… my life is incomplete without you.”

You tilt your head back, forcing him to look at you, but the way you gaze at him only spurs him on to continue, and when those three words fall from his lips, he can no longer control his emotions.

“I love you,” he closes his eyes, silent tears streaming down his cheeks, wetting his beard each passing moment, “I don’t show it a lot, I’ve treated you so poorly, you must be thinking I don’t care about you, but I do, a lot. I love you, and there is nothing nearly as good as you in my life. I hang in there for twelve hours, but when I see you, it feels like my entire life makes sense, like I have a purpose, a reason to come back, a reason to move forward.”

“Oh, Robby…” you cup his cheeks, pulling his face down, brushing your nose against his, “I love you too, so much.”

You close the distance, pressing your lips to his softly, just a taste, perhaps a promise of a better tomorrow. He doesn’t rush you either, he kisses you back with relief, the weight lifting off his shoulders slowly.

He doesn’t deepen the kiss, allowing you to lead him this time, tasting the remaining bittersweet flavor of his nicotine gum. Robby’s hands go to your back, pulling you closer if possible, feeling the heat of your body seeping through the layers of his outfit.

“Robby,” you break the kiss, hovering your lips over his as you speak, “I still need some time. I… I have been getting along with the night shift, and I need some time away.”

“Name it and it’s yours,” he nods, his fingers tightening around your waist, “I’ll do anything you ask, anything.”

“I know, my love,” you pout, stroking his bearded cheek gently, “There are a lot of things we have to work on, but for now… I need to step back.”

“Alright.”

•••••••

Maybe it was a bad decision to listen to your brother and take another night off. You feel useless being home alone without your stethoscope around your neck and those god-awful tight scrubs the hospital gave you.

Now you are sure it was a terrible decision to take the night off, because now you have to explain to a very anxious brother and a much more anxious boyfriend why you and nearly thirty other injured people are being rushed to the PTMC’s ER.

“Abbot?” Shen is in the triage they made of the ambulance bay, rushing towards you with Ellis in toe to help you out of the car, “What the fuck? What happened to you?”

“I was in the same restaurant, fuck, my leg—“ you groan, clinging to the doctors as they sit you on the wheelchair, Shen giving Ellis a look to take you inside, dodging the gurneys and patients left and right until she finds you an empty corner, telling you to wait for someone to come and help you, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”

“Kid?” Dana gasps, jogging toward you as soon as her eyes fall on your face and stretched leg, “Fucking hell, you okay? What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to have a nice dinner out, unfortunately, it was the same restaurant that collapsed,” you scoff, trying to pull the sundress you are wearing down to cover at least your mid-thigh. “Don’t give me that look, I’m fine! Probably just a hairline fracture on my Fibula and a bunch of bruises on my body.”

“You look like you’ve fist fought a three hundred pound man,” she glares at you, kneeling in front of your wheelchair to take a look at the bruises on your neck and arms, “For whatever’s worth, you look like a piece of candy in this dress.”

“Too bad no one was there to appreciate me,” you crack a smile, hissing when she pushes the sundress’ sleeve further down your shoulder, her fingers stroking the huge purple-ish spot.

“I’m gonna order you a CT, can’t wait to get a doctor here,” she looks at you, noticing the sadness in your eyes, “You look beautiful, don’t worry about him, he’s a moron.”

“I’m more worried about how he’ll lose his shit if he sees me like this—“

“Sister?!”

“Jesus fucking christ,” you groan, tipping your head back as Jack runs towards you, kneeling on the other side of the wheelchair as he takes in your state. You look at Dana, giving her a pleading look, “Help me escape?”

“And miss Robby hovering around you like a mother hen? Hell, nah,” she chuckles, caressing your head before she stands up, “You’re in good hands, kid. Dr. Abbot here knows a thing or two about medicine.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny, Dana,” Jack rolls his eyes playfully before he looks back to you. “How bad is the leg? Did you hit your head? Let’s get you a CT first, then radiology—“

“Nope, I don’t need a head CT, I just need some painkillers and an X-ray. Think I have a tiny hairline fracture in my leg—“

“Can you stand on your feet?” He asks, helping you up with his hands on your waist, watching how you stand up in pain, “Where does it hurt the most?”

“Around my ankle, lateral malleolus,” you hiss again, holding onto Jack’s shoulder as he guides you back on the wheelchair, “Maybe it’s not even a fracture, just a sprain, yeah?”

“Possibly, but you’re not the doctor here.” he fixes you with a stern look as he applies pressure around your ankle, trying to see where it hurts the most. “Let the adults handle this.”

“Then get a responsible adult in here,” you say, laughing when he makes a gurgling noise, pressing on the spot where it hurts the most, making you shrink and pull your feet out of his grasp. “You’re pushing fifty and still act like you’re ten. Grow up.”

“Unfortunately for you your ‘responsible adult’ is Robby who is—“ he turns around, finding Robby stopping midway when he gets a glimpse of you on a wheelchair, “Near freaking the fuck out. Have fun, Miss Abbot.”

“Wait— no! He can’t treat me, he can’t handle it, I swear, Jack, if you take one more step—“

Your words die in your throat as you watch Robby walk your way quickly, his hands shaking and his eyes — his sad fucking puppy eyes that have your heart running miles an hour — scanning your entire body in a hurry.

“What happened?” Robby’s voice shakes as he reaches to hold your cheek in his hands, his touch hesitant and trembling, “What did Jack say? Do-do you need to go up? Are you okay—“

“Robby, I’m fine,” you reply gently, smiling as he keeps on bombarding you with several questions you have already answered, watching as he closes his eyes and shakes his head when he sees the huge bruise on your shoulder, “It’s nothing. I’ll be back to my very energetic ER resident in a few days. I can even help now—“

“No, absolutely not,” he purses his lips, ghosting his knuckles over your bruise before he sighs and looks back to your face, “You gonna go home, take some painkillers, you know which ones help you the most, and rest. What were you doing there anyway? What happened?”

“I wanted to treat myself to a nice dinner, got ready and all,” and you smile shyly when his eyes finally drag on your body, taking in the way the sundress clings to your chest and stomach.

“Fuck,” he huffs out a laugh, “Bad timing, darling. Now I’ll be thinking about this for the rest of the night.”

“Good,” you reach for his hand, stroking his fingers as you explain what happened there. “There was some construction work on the building next to the restaurant. One second, everything was fine, but then something dropped on us, half of the ceiling came down, and we ran out. I fell down while I was trying to get past the exit.”

“You’re lucky you didn’t hit your head,” his tone grows serious, bringing your hand to his lips, pressing a quick kiss to your knuckles, “But what if you did? You should have told someone you were there, you have to stop being so reckless and—“

“Robby—“

“What if something worse happened to you—“

“Robby—“

“What if you ended up like one of these people, I wouldn’t be able to live—“

“Michael, stop!” The way his first name falls from your lips freezes him immediately, his eyes widen in terror, but when he sees you smiling at him, he melts down instantly, “Look at me, I’m fine! Nothing a splint and Tylenol can’t fix, besides, I have two doctors hovering around me all the time. I’m fine and I will be fine, okay?”

“Okay…” he nods, clinging to your hand as he fights a few unshed tears, “I panicked, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’d be worse if you were in my position,” you sigh in annoyance when you see Whitaker coming your way, squeezing Robby’s hand to get his attention, “Go, they need you now. I’ll buy the splint on the way home, I just need to find my bag.”

“I have it!” Dana comes with Jack on toe, “Checked for keys, phone, credit cards, a bunch of lipsticks, and your necklace. All in there and good to go.”

“Thank you, seriously!” You say, resting your arm around Robby’s shoulder as he helps you up by one hand on your ribs and the other on your waist, “Don’t worry about me, I can get home safely, alright?”

“You need a key? I can hand you mine,” Jack says, and raises an eyebrow when you hesitate and bite your lip, looking back at Robby before you shake your head and grab your purse, “What?”

“I think I’ll go back home,” you utter softly, looking into Robby’s eyes as his pupils blow in surprise, “If it’s okay with you?”

“You wanna come back?” He asks, his voice no louder than a whisper, his grip tightening on you as he waits for an answer.

“Yeah…”

“Okay then,” Jack interrupts, “Sorry to be the bearer of the bad news, but we've got patients and you need to rest. So go back to your place and sleep.”

“Do you…” Robby clears his throat, “Do you have the keys? Or should I grab mine—“

“No, I have mine,” you smile, leaning up as best as you can on one foot to kiss his cheek, “I’ll see you back home.”

“Yeah, sure,” you say your goodbyes to others as well, giving Dana and Jack a halfway hug, limping over to the back door of the floor before you call for an Uber and drive back home.

•••••••

You take the advice and rest. You don’t know what time it is when you hear the quiet jiggling of the keys and the front door being pushed open, but the familiar sound of footsteps is enough to calm your racing mind.

“Hey,” you say, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you sit up on the bed, watching how Robby relaxes immediately when he spots you.

He takes off his hoodie and scrubs, sitting on the edge of the bed topless as he takes off his socks slowly, sighing contently when you scoot closer, rubbing a hand over his warm back, kissing his broad shoulder.

“How are you?” He asks, turning around so he can take a better look at your face, “Anything hurt?”

“No,” you reply, gently running your fingers on his neck, caressing his collarbone, “I’m okay. How are you?”

“Honestly?” He scoffs, looking down at your exposed thighs, under one of his worn-out t-shirts you have on, “Exhausted, but… I’m very happy you are back.”

“I’m happy to be back too,” you lean down to kiss his shoulder again, “Go take a shower and come back to me. It’ll help you relax.”

He nods and leans down to peck your lips, sighing in relief when he rests his forehead on yours. Robby nods again and, with a deep breath, he forces himself to stand up and let your hand fall from his skin.

He comes back ten minutes later, hair towel dried and another one hanging dangerously low on his hip bones. He lets out another tired sigh, smiling when he finds you sitting up against the headboard.

“I missed having you here.”

“I missed being here,” you point to the empty space next to you, extending your hand so he knows what to do, watching as he slowly crawls on the bed, carefully resting his head on the soft podge of your stomach, circling his arms around your waist.

“You’re okay, Michael.” You thread your fingers through his soft hair, gently rubbing his scalp as he hums and buries his face further into your belly, “I got you, my love.”

“I thought I was losing you,” he tears up, biting his tongue in order to stop himself from crying, but it is in vain because the second you lean down to press a kiss on his head, he is breaking, “I did, for a few days… and it was the worst time of my life. I wasn’t alive, I… I just existed. I breathed, but I felt numb. I couldn’t believe that I let my insecurities get this far, that I had to let go of you.”

“But I’m here now,” you wrap your other arm around his shoulder, holding him close as he cries silently, his shoulders shaking, but not a sound coming from him, “I’m here to work on these things. I never left to begin with, I… I should have knocked some sense into you when you told me my CPR pose was bad.”

“That was a low blow, I’m sorry,” he holds on to you tightly, one of his large palms starting to caress your hips to your knees, letting his fingers follow the path of your thigh, “You’re a magnificent doctor, and I’m sorry that you had to endure months of suffering because of me. Fuck, I should have been the one to stop others not to be the one to give you a hard time.”

“It’s over now, Robby.” You watch him sit up slowly, his much larger body cornering yours to the headboard without even trying to, “We gonna figure this out. I’ll stay on night shifts until we sort out everything, but for now, I just want my boyfriend.”

He nods, closing the gap between your face until he reaches your lips, pressing a soft, experimental kiss before you grab the back of his neck to deepen it. Robby keeps himself up by one hand on the headboard and the other on your hip, moving his lips with yours in sync.

“I don’t wanna hurt you more—“

“Shh,” you nibble on his bottom lip, gently lowering your back on the mattress before you pull him on top of you, your free hand playing with the edge of the towel around his hips, “You will definitely hurt me if you deny my request.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I need you, Robby.” You frown when he doesn’t immediately get rid of the towel, and his eyes lock in on your face. Suddenly, a wave of sadness hits you: “You don’t want to… have sex?”

“No! I do, I really do!” He chuckles, lowering himself on top of you after he pushes the covers off your body, grabbing your hand gently before he brings it to the very evident bulge under the towel, “See what you do to me? I need you too, so so badly, but I will hate myself if I make you uncomfortable more than you probably are.”

“Stop overthinking and fuck me already!”

“Yes, ma’am,” he leans down again, kissing you passionately while you untuck the towel and drop it on the floor, making him hiss in pleasure as you wrap your arms around his aching lenghth, “Fuck, I missed this.”

“Me too,” you reply breathlessly, letting him pull off your — his — shirt and pushing your panties to the side, “If you don’t do anything, I won’t let you sleep on this bed for another week.”

“Bossy,” he kisses you quickly before he grabs your thigh in his hand, mindful of your other foot being in a splint while he makes home between your legs, his heavy cock resting on your hip as he tries to adjust your positions, “Jack’s wearing off on you.”

“Don’t talk about my brother when you are about to fuck me,” you wrap both of your arms around his shoulder and your good leg around his waist, “Unless you two have something for each other that I don’t know about.”

“Have some faith in me, I have a good taste in Abbots, and he is not the one,” you both laugh, and he nudges your nose with his, his warm brown eyes filled with pent-up lust and longing, “I love you.”

“I love you too, so much.”

He pulls you in for another kiss, guiding the tip of his cock to your soaked entrance, easing himself into you slowly, careful of your bruises.

Both of you moan into each other’s mouths, clinging to the other with every fiber of your being as Robby stretches you out, pushing his cock until he has nothing to give. His dick’s snuggled tightly between your velvet walls, your cunt gripping him like a vice and never wanting to go.

He gasps when you clench around him, resting his forehead on yours as both of you begin to pant, your chests heaving with each breath.

“You feel so good, Robby,” you whimper, nails digging into his broad shoulders as he pulls his hips back and snaps them forward, making your breath hitch as his cock reaches deep inside you.

“You look so fucking beautiful,” his lips fall open as he picks up his pace, burying his face into the crook of your neck, “The most perfect human ever.”

“Oh, fuck—“ you throw your head back, tangling your fingers in Robby’s soft short hair, tugging at it as he slams himself inside you with a newfound desire — his movements tactical enough not to hurt you but just the right amount of roughness to make your leg shake around his hip, “I’m not gonna last long!”

“Me neither, darling,” he groans, the sound of squelching filling the room, nearly tripping over the edge when he sees you reaching between your bodies to rub on your clit, “Fuck, baby…”

“I’m gonna come—“ you release a loud moan, spilling around his girth as you reach your peak, your heel digging into his butt as you writhe beneath him.

“There you go, sweet girl,” he beams at you, watching as your face twists in pleasure; lips swollen with all the kissing, eyes shut and lashes kissing your cheeks, “I’m so close…”

“Inside,” you open your eyes, cupping his cheek in your hand while caressing his face, “Come inside me, Michael.”

“Fuck, fuck—“ he groans, thrusting hard and fast into you a few more times before he begins to tremble, biting down on the skin of your neck as he comes, his cock twitching inside you, filling you up to the brim.

He comes for an embarrassingly — in his opinion — long time, just holding you close and panting into your skin while he shoots thick ropes of his cum inside your cunt.

You pull him down until he rests the majority of his weight on you. You have to force him, though, because he thinks it would hurt your bruises and put you in pain, but his weight grounds you.

The proximity makes his head spin in warmth, but you can feel how worried he is, so you don’t keep him caged on top of you, allowing him to pull away until he can get a better look at your body.

“Please be careful next time,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss the large bruise on your collarbone, then the one on your arm, then lower on the side of your stomach, “Or better, I keep you locked up so I know you’re safe.”

“You can’t even get me locked up in a surgery, good luck with doing it for the rest of my life,” you chuckle, thanking him when he helps you sit up.

“I think I need another shower,” he says, standing up, naked as the day he was born, before he turns to you, extending his hand for you to take, “Care to join me?”

“You’re far too horny for your age, Dr. Robby,” you tease him, but take him on his offer nevertheless, resting your weight on his arm as he slowly helps you limp to the bathroom.

“I’m not old,” he scowls, and you laugh at his little frown, smoothing a finger between his brows, “but no, I don’t wanna have sex, I just wanna hold you, sweet girl.”

“Nothing is stopping you, my love.”

#dr robby #dr robby x reader #the pitt #michael robinavitch #michael robinavich x reader #dr robby smut #jack abbot x reader #the pitt fanfiction #dr robby fanfiction #dr robby fic #dr robby x you #the pitt x reader #robby robinavitch

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bloodless-blair · 11 days ago

Text

Dark Fiction Is Protected Speech. Online Harassment Isn’t.

There’s a rising trend online: people using extreme, hateful language to attack others for liking or creating dark fiction— stories that explore taboo or disturbing themes. One message recently sent to a fan of dark fiction read:

Let’s break down why this kind of language is not just offensive — it may actually be illegal under U.S. law. And why, by contrast, dark fiction itself is constitutionally protected.

When You Become the Monster You Claim to Fight

1. Calling Someone a Criminal Over Fiction Is a Crime

Falsely accusing someone of supporting child abuse or rape is not “calling them out.”

It’s defamation per se a category of libel where the accusation is so serious, the harm is assumed.

U.S. law protects reputation from false statements about criminal activity.

If someone can be reasonably identified (even anonymously), and the claim is false, it may be grounds for a lawsuit.

Legal Reference:

Gertz v. Welch, 418 U.S. 323 (1974) – Private citizens only need to prove negligence.

New York Times v. Sullivan, 376 U.S. 254 (1964) – Public figures must show actual malice.

False claims of criminal acts = automatically defamatory.

If you say someone “encourages rape” based on their reading list? That’s not activism. It’s libel.

2. Threats Disguised as Justice Are Still Threats

“I’m the #1 pedophile killer” is not rhetoric. It’s not metaphor.

It’s a true threat, a form of unprotected speech under the First Amendment.

Pair that with slurs, personal targeting, and incitement? You’re not helping victims you’re becoming the abuser.

What the Law Says:

18 U.S. Code § 2261A – Cyberstalking and online threats

Virginia v. Black, 538 U.S. 343 (2003) – Threats intended to intimidate can be punished

Brandenburg v. Ohio, 395 U.S. 444 (1969) – Inciting imminent lawless action is not protected

3. Hate Speech Doesn’t Make You the Hero

The ableist slur used in that message “retards” isn’t just tasteless. It’s a weapon.

It’s the kind of language that, in any other setting, a school, a job, a courtroom, would be grounds for disciplinary action, legal liability, or both.

It’s not “just words.” It’s targeted degradation. And it’s not protected if it becomes part of a pattern of harassment or intimidation.

Here’s how the law sees it:

The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act protect people from disability-based harassment in schools, workplaces, and federally funded programs.

Some states (like California, New York, Washington) extend these protections to online spaces, especially where speech contributes to a hostile environment.

Even outside the courtroom, most platforms (Tumblr, Twitter/X, Discord, etc.) list ableist slurs under their hate speech and harassment policies. Using them can result in bans or suspensions.

The Fiction Isn’t Dangerous — Your Fear Is

1. Disturbing Stories Aren’t Dangerous— Misreading Them Is

Dark fiction dives into the shadows, it explores violence, abuse, trauma, and other difficult realities. But to confuse exploration with endorsement is to miss the entire point.

Liking or creating stories about taboo subjects doesn’t mean someone condones those acts in real life. It means they’re grappling with complex ideas and emotions through art.

Imagine banning classics like Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov or American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis because they depict criminal acts. That’s exactly what censorship driven by misunderstanding looks like.

Legal Perspective: Fiction is a protected form of expression under the First Amendment, even if it unsettles or offends.

2. The Constitution Protects Art You Don’t Like

The First Amendment doesn’t just protect nice speech, it protects speech that shocks, disturbs, or disgusts.

Artistic expression, including dark or controversial fiction, is safeguarded unless it falls into very narrow exceptions:

Obscenity: Rarely applies, under the strict Miller Test

True threats and incitement: Only punished if likely to cause immediate harm

Child pornography involving real minors: Always illegal and not protected

A crucial distinction often misunderstood is between actual child pornography and fictional depictions of minors.

But fictional depictions that are clearly not real—no matter how dark—are protected. This was affirmed in Ashcroft v. Free Speech Coalition (2002), which struck down laws that criminalized virtual child pornography or fictional depictions that don’t involve real children.

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ellipsus-writes · 3 months ago

Text

Ellipsus Digest: March 18

Each week (or so), we'll highlight the relevant (and sometimes rage-inducing) news adjacent to writing and freedom of expression.

This week: AI continues its hostile takeover of creative labor, Spain takes a stand against digital sludge, and the usual suspects in the U.S. are hard at work memory-holing reality in ways both dystopian and deeply unserious.

ChatGPT firm reveals AI model that is “good at creative writing” (The Guardian)

... Those quotes are working hard.

OpenAI (ChatGPT) announced a new AI model trained to emulate creative writing—at least, according to founder Sam Altman: “This is the first time i have been really struck by something written by AI.” But with growing concerns over unethically scraped training data and the continued dilution of human voices, writers are asking… why?

Spoiler: the result is yet another model that mimics the aesthetics of creativity while replacing the act of creation with something that exists primarily to generate profit for OpenAI and its (many) partners—at the expense of authors whose work has been chewed up, swallowed, and regurgitated into Silicon Valley slop.

Spain to impose massive fines for not labeling AI-generated content (Reuters)

But while big tech continues to accelerate AI’s encroachment on creative industries, Spain (in stark contrast to the U.S.) has drawn a line: In an attempt to curb misinformation and protect human labor, all AI-generated content must be labeled, or companies will face massive fines. As the internet is flooded with AI-written text and AI-generated art, the bill could be the first of many attempts to curb the unchecked spread of slop.

Besos, España 💋

These words are disappearing in the new Trump administration (NYT)

Project 2025 is moving right along—alongside dismantling policies and purging government employees, the stage is set for a systemic erasure of language (and reality). Reports show that officials plan to wipe government websites of references to LGBTQ+, BIPOC, women, and other communities—words like minority, gender, Black, racism, victim, sexuality, climate crisis, discrimination, and women have been flagged, alongside resources for marginalized groups and DEI initiatives, for removal.

It’s a concentrated effort at creating an infrastructure where discrimination becomes easier… because the words to fight it no longer officially exist. (Federally funded educational institutions, research grants, and historical archives will continue to be affected—a broader, more insidious continuation of book bans, but at the level of national record-keeping, reflective of reality.) Doubleplusungood, indeed.

Pete Hegseth’s banned images of “Enola Gay” plane in DEI crackdown (The Daily Beast)

Fox News pundit-turned-Secretary of Defense-slash-perpetual-drunk-uncle Pete Hegseth has a new target: banning educational materials featuring the Enola Gay, the plane that dropped the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. His reasoning: that its inclusion in DEI programs constitutes "woke revisionism." If a nuke isn’t safe from censorship, what is?

The data hoarders resisting Trump’s purge (The New Yorker)

Things are a little shit, sure. But even in the ungoodest of times, there are people unwilling to go down without a fight.

Archivists, librarians, and internet people are bracing for the widespread censorship of government records and content. With the Trump admin aiming to erase documentation of progressive policies and minority protections, a decentralized network is working to preserve at-risk information in a galvanized push against erasure, refusing to let silence win.

Let us know if you find something other writers should know about, (or join our Discord and share it there!) Until next week, - The Ellipsus Team xo

#ellipsus #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing #creative writing #u.s. politics #anti ai

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keferon · 5 months ago

Note

Odds of Survival Part 4

Jazz thinks he’s starting to figure stuff out and finds entirely new ways to concern Prowl.

———————————————————————

The flashing visual feedback from the cracked visor felt like his brain was being used for target practice by a middle schooler with a BB gun and the school just canceled pizza day forever.

Jazz was feeling pretty grateful to Prowl right now. Between the glitching visual feed and the misshapen state of his feet, Jazz wasn’t totally confident he could get into the mecha cradle on his own.

At least not without stumbling around like he was completely plastered and trying to decipher a fancy ass hotels space age shower controls.

Seriously, seven different knobs and a touch screen.

Blurr. Dude. Why.

As Prowl walked him through the outpost, Jazz continually got snapshots of his surroundings. Doorway, hallway, door again, room. Another mecha was inside.

At a glance, they looked like the same class type as Prowl. Face, wing thingy’s, and wheels. All the same but with a slightly different color scheme of red and grey.

Jazz was slowly working out what class of mecha they were supposed to be. They couldn’t be Striker class. Not with attachments Prowl straight up specified were delicate.

What even were they? They weren’t thrusters. The wings took the place of where car doors were on a regular car. Which, holy shit, Prowls mecha can turn into a fucking car.

Prowl also flexed and twitched them around a bunch, kinda like how Jazz used his horns to emote. Not that Prowl needed wings to emote because holy FUCK that face. It had micro expressions!!

Okay. Prowl had three things that were cool as fuck going on. An expressive face, delicate wings and the ability to turn into a (fucking) car.

What does that mean? Why would someone build a mecha like that?

Ever since Jazz got spat out by the wormhole and woke up surrounded by aliens, he’s felt like his brain has been slowly circling the drain of a sink. There was some missing piece to all of this that he could feel himself just skirting by over and over again.

Oh fuck right. The other aliens. There was alien life other than tentacle monsters out there. They were dicks sure but at least you could share a train car without any murder attempts.

Ooooohhh. Jazz swayed backwards a little as the tilted his head back in realization. Prowl catching him.

Prowl’s mecha was built to work with other fighters in space. He clearly had a life support system to survive in a vacuum. He had a highly expressive face to help communicate with aliens. The wings must be satellites for communication. The car mode was for fast tracking across planet surfaces. Prowl was crazy smart, over and over again Jazz had watched him figure out exactly where they needed to go and how to get there. Of course there was a reason he was so easy to work with. It was his job.

Prowl wasn’t any kind of pre-existing class from Jazz’s mecha program. Prowl was every Strikers pipe dream that kept getting brought up and then thrown out for “not being cost effective”.

Prowl was a Support Class Mecha.

Live on the field, giving real time updates and backup.

Damn.

Whatever shadow government Prowl worked for must be insanely rich. Wonder if they’re taking applications.

Prowl unhooked Jazz’s remaining functional arm from over his shoulders. He maneuvered Jazz to sit on a bench height concrete extension from the floor.

The microphones in his horns were still working fine despite one of them sending many unhappy damage report messages.

“Sit here and don’t move.” From the glimpses Jazz could catch, Prowl looked concerned but focused. Jazz wanted to ask why they didn’t go to some kind of docking station but figured Prowl knew what was up and went along with it.

Jazz could hear the mystery mecha talking. A lot.

It was in that other language Prowl had initially tried talking to Jazz with, except speed up by a bajillion percent.

From the tone, the new mecha was asking Prowl a barrage of questions. Prowl, for his part, replied in short concise sentences or occasionally a silent glare. The other mecha didn’t seem put off by this and merrily continued talking as he lined up another shot through some kind of rail gun setup built into the slit window.

Eventually, the new mecha started directing his questions at him. Apparently stopping to breath wasn’t a thing with this guy.

Jazz did his best to shrug. “Sorry man. No idea what you’re saying.”

Prowl interceded in common, “Jazz, this is Bluestreak.” He waved in the direction of the sniper, who smiled and waved.

“Bluestreak, this is Jazz. He is only just learning Common.” Prowl turned to Bluestreak with a scolding look. “I need to focus on helping him while you focus on the remaining quintessons. Understood?”

“I got it! I got it. I can stop talking when I’m working you know.” Bluestreak nodded and turned back towards the view port, but not without calling over his shoulder, “So Jazz, my brothers face is emotion positive positive positive?”

Oh Jazz could hear the shit eating grin from the other side of the room.

“HAH!” Jazz accidentally knocked his head back against the wall and visor started glitching worse. “Eugh. Eh, worth it.”

“Both of you be quiet or I will separate you.” Prowl threatened.

Jazz, chuckled good naturally but otherwise quieted down. He watched the stop motion footage of Prowl opening some kind of crate and collecting what looked like a tube of glue, a pair of giant tweezers and some kind of mecha sized chrome-mesh duct tape.

His face was suddenly very close and Jazz did not startle. Nope. Who said that?

He felt the pressure of a hand settling on his good shoulder. Prowl was wearing that highly concentrated look again. And Jazz was so focused trying to work out what the internal mechanisms of his eyes were that he missed what Prowl was saying to him.

“Could you say that again? My…uh.”

M’kay, how to translate ‘I definitely have whiplash and maybe also sort of a Concussion’ into common. “Head function negative? Uh, too much motion. Broken but small negative?”

Yeaaaah Prowl did not seem reassured by Jazz’s attempt to downplay his condition. Which meant he nailed the translation! He was so getting at least a B+ in this language class.

Fuck his head hurt.

“I want to help you as much as I can. I am not a person-profession-help. Can I help you with what I have?” Prowl had a little furrow between his eyebrows.

“Sure, I won’t fight you.” Jazz stabilized himself best he could. The sentence must have translated weird, because Prowl looked kinda concerned before pulling out a strip of shiny duct tape.

The winged mecha paused, examining Jazz’s busted shoulder, and then doubled the length of tape.

When Prowl wrapped the mesh textured tape around and just above the breakage, something weird started happening to Jazz’s systems. The Severe Damage Warnings and big bright Error messages Jazz had been actively ignoring for the past half hour started to reduce in number. One by one they all quieted down. Checking his mechas systems, the arm was still marked as compromised, but the ai wasn’t actively screaming into his poor brain anymore.

The quiet was such an overwhelming balm Jazz audibly groaned in relief. “I owe you so, so, many drinks. What is that stuff?”

Prowl stilled, “It is-“ he paused, clearly trying to work out how to translate a complicated term into a common equivalent. “It is a kind of repair mesh. You…you don’t know what repair mesh is?”

Jazz got a snapshot of Prowl and even Bluestreak’s expressions. The sniper looking over his shoulder, eyes wide and mouth open in silent confusion. Prowl’s stare was boring into him, making Jazz squirm.

“Um. Yes? At least it’s not something I’ve ever seen before. I mean, I don’t actually need it if it’s too expensive.” Jazz turned owlishly between the two.

Jazz heard Bluestreak start to make a questioning noise before having his focus be pulled back to the winding down invasion outside. Prowl looked into the distance for a moment, then took up the tweezers. He schooled his expression like he was about to do brain surgery.

“I’m going to work on your helm and visor now. Please hold still.” Prowl placed his hand against the side of his head, stabilizing.

“M’kay. Go ahead.” And Jazz put his mecha into Maintenance Mode.

The lights inside the mecha dimmed down to a low glow. Like this, the engine dropped into an idle hum, and the mecha could only move very slowly. Jazz had to hold a position for a few seconds before anything would respond, giving plenty of time for engineers to move out of the way.

Jazz also shut off the incoming feed from the visor, since looking at a bright flashing screen was probably on the list of things you’re not supposed to do while concussed. As well as fall asleep. Or operate heavy machinery.

Two out of three ain’t bad. Call it another B+.

Jazz felt like he might be dropping a letter grade soon though. He usually associated Maintenance Mode with being bored out of his mind, but after the insane last few hour’s, the slow quiet was practically a spa session.

It didn’t hurt that Jazz could feel Prowls hand cradling the side of his head. Technically, the mechas could only sense pressure. No heat. No texture. Given a reference point though, the human brain was pretty fantastic at filling in the gaps.

It felt warm. And soft.

“Jazz?” Prowl stopped what he’d been doing.

Ah.

Jazz came back into full awareness from where he’d been drifting off. He was pressing into Prowls hand.

“Sorry, sorry.” He lethargically pulled away. How do you explain “Hey! Sorry about pushing against you like a stray cat! I’m just kinda super into piloting mecha and being held like that is kind of a novel experience.” in a completely foreign language you learned that morning?

Jazz dragged his ass back upright.

“I’m not, uh, familiar? With a hold like that. Touch-positive. Normally I only feel touch-fight or touch-medical.” Jazz meant to say touch-maintenance, but he was already rambling and for some reason the words were really similar in Common.

Prowl didn’t respond.

Jazz felt his chest tighten. ��Prowl?”

“I’m here.” Prowl said quickly. There was an edge of static to his voice.

He didn’t remove his hand. “I’m still here.”

The rest of Jazz’s maintenance went by quietly. Prowl kept his hand where it was for the majority of it, only repositioning once to tilt his head back while working on the cracks of his visor.

Jazz wasn’t 100% sure why Prowl indulged him. Maybe got it? Or maybe he just thought Jazz was passing out and needed to be grounded. Okay yeah, that actually makes the most sense. Plus it was also what literally happened.

Eventually, the pilots heart finally slowed to a resting rate. Mostly. Jazz kept jerking awake.

If falling asleep with a concussion was bad, then falling asleep with a concussion while piloting a mecha would probably do very bad things to his lightly fried meatball of a brain.

He tried remembering what he could of his mandatory pilot safety course he took with Ratchet before the doctor left the program. He mostly remembered sneaking out.

It was fortunate then the pilot was just delirious enough that every time he almost conked out, the spiritual embodiment of Ratchet would scare the fuck out of him.

Thanks Ratchet.

See? I did learn something.

He heard a tarp rustling, and then his busted arm was being manipulated. Jazz brought his visor back online, pleased to see it wasn’t flashing anymore. His vision was a little distorted in the corner on the left side but he could deal with that.

When he looked around, Prowl was in the process of tying makeshift sling in place to keep his damaged bits from jostling around.

Jazz also got a good look at the emblem on his mecha’s chest. It kinda looked like an angular mecha face. Jazz didn’t recognize brand design though. Maybe he’d remember once he’d recovered from the bullshit of the day.

He was kinda too tired to think properly at the moment. That circling-the-sink-drain feeling hadn’t actually left, even with the Support Class revelation.

“That is the best I can do for now. Our ship should arrive in five breems.” Prowl hesitantly let go of Jazz.

“Thanks Prowler, you’re the best.” He wriggled now free horns at him. Incrementally, Jazz brought his systems back online, running through well practiced motions to ensure everything was working. Well, everything that was supposed to be working anyways.

He heard a raspberry being blown by Bluestreak, the mecha had his hands on his knees and he was looking from Jazz to Prowl.

“Prowler?”

Prowl frowned. “Yes?”

“Prow-ler.”

Prowl frowned harder, “I’m aware.”

Bluestreak straightened up, “Okay, you’ve delayed this long enough. I need to talk to this guy one on one. Go talk to the Big Boss and I’ll watch Jazz. Please mech. I gotta. I gotta talk to this guy or I’m going to explode. Like, where is he from? Why does he look like that? How’d he end up floating in space? What’s his native language? Does he know any other languages? Why has he never heard of Common before? Is he super young? How are the others gonna react? What are you going to say to Elita? Oh Elita says hi by the way. Or, not really, she said ‘contact me as soon as possible’ and then hung up on me. Which is fine. Oh but you should seriously respond to you-know-who first.”

Jazz was getting maybe every third word of that. Bluestreak was still going. Wow. Impressive breath control no lie.

Prowl visibly sighed, straightening his posture into something military grade. Immune to the conversation tornado.

“Jazz, I must speak with our factions leader. I will not mention you to him until you have a better understanding of our military structure and you are able to choose to engage.” Prowl kept his hands folded behind his back. The total shift in body language was jarring.

“Okay,” Jazz nodded slowly. “I’ll be here, thanks again.”

Prowl nodded curtly once before shooting a warning look at Bluestreak, and then left the room.

The loss was weird in a way Jazz couldn’t properly describe. Prowl was so easy to click with that once he was gone, Jazz remembered he was stranded in deep space surrounded by what were effectively perfect strangers.

He didn’t get to dwell on it long though, as Bluestreak sidled up to him, propping his chin on one hand.

“So! I’ll let you go first. Ask me anything and I’ll tell you all about it!”

Jazz had a lot of questions but figured he’d start with something basic to help along his language acquisition.

“What,” he poked Bluestreak in his purple badge, “Are your cuss words?”

———————————————————————

Prowl: What do you mean you are actually capable of experiencing pain?

Prowl: What do you mean you don’t know what local anesthetic is?

Prowl: What do you mean no one has ever touched you when it didn’t involve medical treatment??

Prowl: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’VE GONE THROUGH MEDICAL TREATMENT WITHOUT ANESTHETIC.

Man oh man, this is the end of this arc but there’s more I still want to write. Gonna start cataloguing and saving these as well.

-SSTP

OH MY GOD. OH NO. Oh my god

Yeah no that makes SO much sense khftugssujdsthdd. Without that one little important piece of information their understanding of each other. Oh man. It's not just bad. It's FANTASTICALLY wrong but somehow generally still in the vaguely right direction??

Like Jazz being regularly medically mistreated is kind of true BUT NOT IN THE WAY YOU THINK PROWL

And Prowl being that sweet sweet support class mecha?? FUKFDEY Y e ah.

Oh this is amazing. Oh thIS IS FUCKING GREAT SSTP I WILL DIE FOR YOU

#Blurr. Dude. Why #H E L P #IKFSIKNDDGNXDIKFDG #Yea Blurr would have a touch screen in his shower 100%#maccadam #mecha pilot jazz au #mecha writing #mecha jp writing #jazzprowl

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directactionforhope · 1 year ago

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"Starting this month [June 2024], thousands of young people will begin doing climate-related work around the West as part of a new service-based federal jobs program, the American Climate Corps, or ACC. The jobs they do will vary, from wildland firefighters and “lawn busters” to urban farm fellows and traditional ecological knowledge stewards. Some will work on food security or energy conservation in cities, while others will tackle invasive species and stream restoration on public land.

The Climate Corps was modeled on Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Civilian Conservation Corps, with the goal of eventually creating tens of thousands of jobs while simultaneously addressing the impacts of climate change.

Applications were released on Earth Day, and Maggie Thomas, President Joe Biden’s special assistant on climate, told High Country News that the program’s website has already had hundreds of thousands of views. Since its launch, nearly 250 jobs across the West have been posted, accounting for more than half of all the listed ACC positions.

“Obviously, the West is facing tremendous impacts of climate change,” Thomas said. “It’s changing faster than many other parts of the country. If you look at wildfire, if you look at extreme heat, there are so many impacts. I think that there’s a huge role for the American Climate Corps to be tackling those crises.”

Most of the current positions are staffed through state or nonprofit entities, such as the Montana Conservation Corps or Great Basin Institute, many of which work in partnership with federal agencies that manage public lands across the West. In New Mexico, for example, members of Conservation Legacy’s Ecological Monitoring Crew will help the Bureau of Land Management collect soil and vegetation data. In Oregon, young people will join the U.S. Department of Agriculture, working in firefighting, fuel reduction and timber management in national forests.

New jobs are being added regularly. Deadlines for summer positions have largely passed, but new postings for hundreds more positions are due later this year or on a rolling basis, such as the Working Lands Program, which is focused on “climate-smart agriculture.” ...

On the ACC website, applicants can sort jobs by state, work environment and focus area, such as “Indigenous knowledge reclamation” or “food waste reduction.” Job descriptions include an hourly pay equivalent — some corps jobs pay weekly or term-based stipends instead of an hourly wage — and benefits. The site is fairly user-friendly, in part owing to suggestions made by the young people who participated in the ACC listening sessions earlier this year...

The sessions helped determine other priorities as well, Thomas said, including creating good-paying jobs that could lead to long-term careers, as well as alignment with the president’s Justice40 initiative, which mandates that at least 40% of federal climate funds must go to marginalized communities that are disproportionately impacted by climate change and pollution.

High Country News found that 30% of jobs listed across the West have explicit justice and equity language, from affordable housing in low-income communities to Indigenous knowledge and cultural reclamation for Native youth...

While the administration aims for all positions to pay at least $15 an hour, the lowest-paid position in the West is currently listed at $11 an hour. Benefits also vary widely, though most include an education benefit, and, in some cases, health care, child care and housing.

All corps members will have access to pre-apprenticeship curriculum through the North America’s Building Trades Union. Matthew Mayers, director of the Green Workers Alliance, called this an important step for young people who want to pursue union jobs in renewable energy. Some members will also be eligible for the federal pathways program, which was recently expanded to increase opportunities for permanent positions in the federal government...

“To think that there will be young people in every community across the country working on climate solutions and really being equipped with the tools they need to succeed in the workforce of the future,” Thomas said, “to me, that is going to be an incredible thing to see.”"

-via High Country News, June 6, 2024

Note: You can browse Climate Corps job postings here, on the Climate Corps website. There are currently 314 jobs posted at time of writing!

Also, it says the goal is to pay at least $15 an hour for all jobs (not 100% meeting that goal rn), but lots of postings pay higher than that, including some over $20/hour!!

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blackbird5154 · 2 months ago

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Terzo was a socialist

Maybe even a communist. There are too many hints to ignore. He seems to have been so preoccupied with the theme of class inequality that it ran as a leitmotif throughout his era.

1. The Popestar cover shows him as Lenin on the Palace of Soviets (an unbuilt monumental Soviet project). Lenin was a revolutor, the creator of the first socialist state in world history (USSR) and a Marxist theorist.

2. Papa is associated with Maschinenmensch from the movie "Metropolis" in many official artworks.

"Metropolis" was the main inspiration for the creation of Meliora. The world of Metropolis is stratified in the same way as Meliora's world. It highlights the problem of the gap between the workers and the ruling class. While the rich enjoy life, the working class is exhausted from maintaining the industrial machine. The top and bottom do not understand each other, they speak a different language, as in the myth of the Tower of Babel. "The mediator between the head and the hands must be the heart," says the preacher Maria, suggesting a peaceful way of settlement. At one point the peaceful preacher is replaced by the satanic Maschinenmensch, who excites the crowd and raises the working class to fight the ruling class by staging a revolution. The movie condemns this path, but Terzo may have a different opinion. After all, in this whole story it is with Maschinenmensch and not with Maria that he is identified.

3. Terzo's character in Meliora world, Mysterious Spectre, is essentially a revolutionary as well. When in the FTPTTP music video Madam Satan hands him a cup with a magical drink, he gets a vision of a world order in which oligarchs have enslaved the people with the power of electricity. Spectre refuses to participate in this scheme, becomes Papa and begins to fight for the redistribution of power.

4. Before performing Mummy Dust, Terzo said that Mammon (the demon of wealth and opulence) is the one deity we humans worship every day.

PAPA III: Basically we're gonna do one heavy motherfucker about one evil motherfucker. This motherfucker is so evil that he starts all wars, controls all poverty and make us hate each other and kill each other. And we all bow for him every day. So, we've written a song about him and his name is Mammon.

Splendid Lille, 2016/02/01

Although as a Satanist he is supposed to sympathize with demons, I think he was speaking in a negative way because—

5. —Also before Mummy Dust he mocked Trump saying "he's not president" and demeaning him in all sorts of ways.

PAPA III: This song is about greed, money, power... Trump!

September 17th at revolution rock festival in Mashantucket

I think Mammon and Trump embody the same principle for Terzo (since Trump is a businessman and billionaire who came to power), and that principle he hates.

So we know what he sees as the root of social evil (or one of the roots), and in the videos he seems to offer a quite concrete political program. It's also interesting in this sense to parse The Prologue, which I think is a manifesto for the third era. Here are a few quotes:

The devil’s fall came only after his great rebellion, a single and simple act of looking into the face of authority and saying, “I am glorious.”

Above the shining city of Meloria, dirigibles float like angels, ever watchful. Under the streets, Papa Emeritus III is gathering his new flock. He is a shepherd of black sheep, the sewers are his cathedral.

Going from “The Pinnacle to the Pit” is not the punishment it was meant to be. It is freedom to struggle against injustice, to march with crowns and sceptres. Here in the pit, we are all royalty now.

Papa Emeritus III. A prologue and introduction

[Part 9] [Encyclopedia of Terzo]

#The most sociopolitical Papa #It reinforces my hc that Terzo grew up in a poor family #papa emeritus iii #terzo #tercyclopedia #the band ghost #ghost #ghost band #papa emeritus #meliora

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the1younevernoticed · 5 months ago

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I work in the government. At the VA as a social worker. I want to document what I have seen so I’m not gaslit into thinking it isn’t as crazy as it clearly is right now.

I am editing some things down. I will be sharing non-political facts and personal concerns as they relate to me on a personal level through my job. My opinions and beliefs do not represent the VA, the government, or any political party. These posts are to encourage transparency for all.

This may be a long one.

It started with an email. And then continued with many more.

First email:

1/22/2025

MESSAGE FROM THE ACTING SECRETARY

We are taking steps to close all agency diversity, equity, inclusion, and accessibility (DEIA) offices and end all DEIA-related contracts in accordance with President Trump’s executive orders titled Ending Radical and Wasteful Government DEI Programs and Preferencing and Initial Rescissions of Harmful Executive Orders and Actions.

These programs divided Americans by race, wasted taxpayer dollars, and resulted in shameful discrimination.

We are aware of efforts by some in government to disguise these programs by using coded or imprecise language. If you are aware of a change in any contract description or personnel position description since November 5, 2024, to obscure the connection between the contract and DEIA or similar ideologies, please report all facts and circumstances to [email protected] within 10 days.

There will be no adverse consequences for timely reporting this information. However, failure to report this information within 10 days may result in adverse consequences.

In addition to the above, all personnel are directed to withdraw any final or pending documents, directives, orders, materials, and equity plans issued by the agency in response to now-repealed Executive Order 14035, Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Accessibility (DEIA) in the Federal Workforce (June 25, 2021). These actions must be taken immediately, but no later than January 31, 2025.

Thank you for your attention to this important matter.

Todd B. Hunter

Acting Secretary

This is an OFFICIAL email to federal employees. The language was shocking to our whole team. We are social workers. We work in kindness and helpfulness and we have been told there would be consequences if we do not report our coworkers.

There were messages between coworkers in fear of what this meant. If this would mean we couldn’t do our jobs.

Our morning meeting was cryptic and fearful. As federal employees, there are rules in place that extend beyond “appropriate language” that the community has. We are not allowed to discuss politics, express opinions on any party or figure or ruling, or protest of any kind. It’s called the Hatch Act 1939.

So we all sat there. All 30 of us. Unsure what could be said. We could see the smiles on one or two of those on the team that had spewed hate in the past, but at large we were all in shock.

I moved to the VA from hospice. I saw veterans dying and wanted to be part of the system to help them pass peacefully. Even though I am not pro-military, I am pro-senior care. And the VA is one of the few free systems that can actually help. I feel like I can actually help.

But god is it hard to work here right now. There is no shame in being conservative or liberal in beliefs. It’s a valid point. But the system I personally work in is suffering with this administration change right now.

This VA system is a socialist system that veterans can come to make up for the gaps in services that those in the community can’t escape. I have veterans coming to me concerned for their services. I can only offer hope to them. I’m frustrated daily now with the emails coming through.

I moved to the VA because, as a social worker, the community was so limited on options that I would feel depressed daily on what I couldn’t help with. Now I feel like I losing my mind even more. I think of quitting daily, but I want to stay and help if I can.

Our government has so much power and capacity for good. I want to be a part of that.

I’ll post more emails as well.

Be safe everyone

Disclaimer: this post is for educational purposes and is in no way supporting any particular political party and is not meant to incite any political activity

#politics #trump #elon musk #federal government #president trump #usa #us politics

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kazekagevi · 11 months ago

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Bonds Beyond Words: If Eywa Wills It

PART ONE PART TWO

Pairing: Aged-Up!Neteyam x Fem!Human!Reader

Word Count: 3.1k

Tags: dark themes, indirect mention of r*pe, suicide attempt, eventual NSFW, aged-up! Neteyam, reader has PTSD, Neteyam dislikes humans (except for you), eventual jealous/possessive Neteyam, future Olo'eyktan! Neteyam, interspecies slow burn, angst, fluff, probably OOC, POV’s all over the place, forgive the inconsistencies.

Summary: You, a competent researcher and writer, awoke from cryosleep a year ago, only to be imprisoned by the RDA—they intended to force you and many other women into a selective breeding program to kickstart human repopulation. However, you, the other prisoners, and allied wardens formed an escape plan; it was carried out, but you are the lone survivor.

A/N and Disclaimer: This is my first x reader fic! This is also my first fic on Tumblr in years! I've been reading a lot of ATWOW fics and thought I would write my own. I am also challenging myself to write in present tense (I'm a past tense girly), so please forgive any grammatical errors. Hope you enjoy <3

This story contains explicit content and is only appropriate for audiences 18+. MDNI. Please do not repost my work.

The tracking device beneath your skin feels like a ticking time bomb—although you’re certain it doesn’t have the power to detonate, should the RDA find your location before the prison sector’s power unit comes back online, it could still bring mass destruction to this region of the extrasolar moon. As if the RDA hasn't done enough of that already.

As you walk barefoot through the unfamiliar forest of Pandora, you wonder if this is heaven. Surely, you must have died along the way—you survived the initial jailbreak, then the evasion at dawn, and managed to remain mostly unscathed from the chopper accident. On Earth, you’d feel compelled to buy a lottery ticket. The thought alone makes you chuckle, and your mask fogs in response. Your laughs, albeit quiet, turn maniacal. Maybe you hit your head hastily fleeing the first bunker, or got thwacked by metal shrapnel in the crash.

If you live, the escape will count as a partial success. Living would make you a hero; but as darkness falls on this foreign planet, you silently wish you had become a martyr like the others instead.

You’re completely defenseless. You have nothing more than your respirator mask that won’t stop fogging due to your panicked breaths, and the clothes on your back. You adorn an oversized jacket that you stole from the valiantly deceased helo pilot, and your prison uniform—it’s nothing more than a flimsy, green hospital gown.

You should know more about this place. You were chosen among an elite class of writers to research alien life on Pandora. You loved traveling and writing about new cultures—studying language, customs, and history. It was your pride and joy, your life’s work. Yet, the nightmare started the day you woke from cryosleep and you were forced into a tiny cell with three other women. In your year of imprisonment, two of them had already been selected into the breeding program, while you and the other, Claudia, were awaiting that same fate.

You almost slip on a patch of sludge and break your fall by grabbing a tree stump.

You do know, however, that this hostile environment will kill you if you don’t find the tribe you’re searching for. Certainly, your luck will run out soon.

So, you stop laughing, blink away the tears in your eyes, and regain your focus. You’d slap your own cheeks if you could, but your mask renders the act impossible. You have to survive, or else the girls’ and allied wardens’ deaths will be meaningless.

As you continue on your path, the mud starts to dampen, coating the soles of your feet. You presume this is from a recent rainstorm, or perhaps you’re nearing a water source. You swallow hard—inevitably, you’re thirsty. But if breathing Pandora’s air will kill you, the water will likely do the same.

As you carefully wade through the soppy terrain, you repeat the same phrases under your breath like a prayer or mantra. Even if you suffered amnesia and lost all your memories like a slate wiped clean, you could suffice to lose it all, except a few words which you memorized in Na’vi.

Using these phrases would determine if you lived or died, assuming you weren’t slain with an arrow on sight: after introducing yourself in the language, you must tell them you seek asylum with the Omatikaya clan at High Camp and Max knows you’re coming. Lastly, you needed to say there is a tracking device under my skin, please cut it out.

You recite these phrases again, except this time you mess up the grammatical structure on the last part. You winge, correct yourself, and continue on your course.

The planet begins to dim as time passes. As you avoid tripping over tree roots and crushing delicate flowers, you notice Pandora’s subtle glow. The bioluminescent spots that dot the terrain look like freckles on skin. It’s the first time you’re seeing the real thing up close, instead of in a tiny photograph. You’re as enamored as you are terrified.

Your feet hurt and your shins ache when night fully settles. You’ve been traveling by foot for hours. Imprisonment and preparation for forced motherhood meant there was little opportunity for exercise in the compound. Your body isn’t used to lifting heavy things or globetrotting long distances.

As you use the last of your energy reserves to think—to consider stopping in a safe area for a break—a tremendous force stops you first.

This is it, you think. You know you're going to die.

The force is a Na’vi, whom you cannot see. From their position behind you, an arm wraps around your abdomen, lifting your smaller body off the ground like a doll. The Na’vi lodges their elbow into your stomach, knocking the wind out of you, all so they can wrap their large blue hand around your small, human neck. Despite the panic, you notice how controlled the Na’vi’s grip is—just enough to hold you still without choking you. It feels like a strange paralysis. Your oxygen mask fogs as you pant in distress.

“Why I should not kill you?” The Na’vi asks in broken English. The timbre of the voice leads you to believe this one is male.

Say the thing! your mind reels. You resist the urge to flail your limbs. The slightest movements make the Na’vi tighten his grip—at this very moment, you notice his other hand holds a dagger to your throat. The space between your skin and the blade is miniscule, as is your proximity to certain death.

So you do it, you say the thing. Except, it comes out all wrong:

“My… My name is Asylum at High Camp,” you stammer in Pandora’s native language.

The Na’vi makes a sound of confusion. You won’t know until later, but Neteyam thinks your pronunciation is mechanical, unpleasant, and downright horrible.

Your chest heaves wildly and your heart thrums in your chest like a drum. The realization hits like a truck. “Wait… No, that’s not right,” you say in English. Your jagged breaths aren’t allowing oxygen to circulate in the mask properly—the same goes for your brain.

The Na’vi growls against your ear. You’re running out of time. You gather the last of your composure.

You tell him your name, properly this time, then continue with your monologue. “I-I seek asylum at High Camp, Max knows I’m coming,” you sputter like a dying engine.

The Na’vi makes another sound of confusion, yet still seems dissatisfied. He gently presses the tip of the knife to your throat.

“No! Please!” you beg. Your hands instinctively wrap around his glowing-freckled forearm, but you don’t tug.

The Na’vi freezes. You can’t see it, but something is happening.

Neteyam’s hairless brows furrow when a woodsprite lands on the edge of the blade he inherited from his maternal grandfather. The woodsprite lingers there, teetering on the edge. Then, it slots itself into the small space between your skin and his knife. You can’t help but cringe at the slight tickle of its tendrils against your collarbone.

“Eywa,” Neteyam whispers to himself. His voice is so quiet that you cannot hear.

The woodsprite travels over your clavicle and settles against the skin just below it. The woodsprite glows with vibrance. The light winks at Neteyam. He knows it's a sign. The tip of his knife drags gently against your skin, sending shivers up your spine. The woodsprite flutters away once his knife is over the spot where the tracker sits beneath the surface. His lips part—the area feels hard when he knows it shouldn’t be.

Your eyes widen. You remember your lines, like an amateur actor taking the stage for the first time.

“There’s a tracker!” you shout in English. Your shrill voice catches even Neteyam—the future Olo'eyktan—off guard.

“A tracker?” Neteyam retorts, his voice laced with aggression and uncertainty. He doesn’t recognize that word, but your tone implies grave danger.

You nod. “There is a tracking device under my skin,” you say in the Na’vi’s native tongue. “Please, cut it out!”

Fright flashes upon Neteyam’s face. Mentally, he’s reeling—were you sent here as bait from the sky demons? Is he falling into another one of their traps? Images of the tracker the Sky People lodged into the tulkun’s fin on the reefs of Awa'atlu flood his mind. His heart feels heavy when he thinks of Ro'a and her cub.

Physically, however, Neteyam does as he’s told. He would never willingly take orders from Sky People, but he knows in this instance, it’s the only way to protect himself, his family, and his clan. He must abide by these orders for the greater good.

Neteyam moves swiftly as he pins you against the nearest tree. He holds you there by your neck. Your eyes meet for a brief moment, then he zeros in on the neckline of your hospital gown. He uses his thumb to feel for the tracking device, raises his knife, and cuts.

Pupils blown wide, you study his face in the moment of reprieve before he slashes at your skin. His eyes are bright yellow, like tiny suns or egg yolks. His lips are full, and as he grimaces, he reveals a shiny set of white teeth. His ears point backwards: he’s agitated. His tail swishes from side to side. He wears his hair in braids. Around his neck, he adorns an ornamental choker necklace.

You howl through your teeth. Your jaw is clenched. The pain is unbearable, but at the same time, it’s the best kind you’ve ever felt. Even if this Na’vi should kill you right after, at least in your last moments, you’ll feel free.

Blood pools around his knife as he cuts through the first layer of skin. He tries to ignore your cries as he presses his long fingertips into the open wound. He pulls when he feels a small piece of plastic; with a bit of effort, he dislodges it from your body.

You sigh in relief when the Na’vi removes it, but the pain lingers—it worsens when you press your fingertips against the wound to stop the bleeding. Your eyelids are heavy. You feel lightheaded.

The Na’vi removes his grip from your neck, only so he can destroy the tracker. Neteyam notes that trackers he’s encountered in the past tend to beep, light up, or some combination of both—this one has neither of those attributes. The uncomfortable knots in Neteyam’s stomach begin to untie, but he cannot give up his resolve. His work is unfinished.

He presses the tracker against the tree bark, grunts, and he hacks away with his weapon.

Even as you’re bleeding—potentially to death—you continue to study the Na’vi’s physique and stature. This one in particular is muscular and athletic, and presumably taller than average. The way his muscles move under his blue skin is enchanting, and the way his freckles glow, you might as well be looking up at the night sky. You’re certain this will be your last chance to witness life on Pandora, or life at all—might as well bask in it.

The tracker is chopped and diced into small pieces, like how you used to cut vegetables back on Earth. The Na’vi looks pleased with his work. Then, his hairless brows furrow again, he spits into his hand, and throws the pieces as far as he can into the Pandoran wilderness. He hisses. You think it’s some kind of power move, but you’re not quite sure, and you definitely don’t have the gall to ask.

Neteyam stands still for a moment, bloodied hands on his hips. He has yet to face the elephant in the room—or in this circumstance, the tawtute against the tree.

That blood is only yours. Your eyes roll into the back of your head; you see stars upon realizing just how much you’ve lost.

---

You wake to the sounds of beeps and whirrs.

All is quiet. You’re in a small room with white walls. The lights are dimmed. Your breaths are slow and relaxed—but as the cogs start to turn, you begin to question if you’re safe or not.

Pain shoots through your shoulder like a strike of lightning as you sit up in the cot you’ve been sleeping in. You wince loudly, and the noise echoes.

Your mind briefly recalls the events of the last twenty-four hours, leading up to the encounter with the Na’vi. Evidently, it wasn’t a dream or figment of your highly active imagination.

Your clavicle has been wrapped in a thick bandage. When you pull back the thin blanket that covers the rest of you, you realize the dirt and grime that covered your feet and legs has been washed away.

You sigh in relief. You think you’re safe, until you discover that your old hospital gown has been replaced with a brand new albeit identical one—one with the Resource Development Administration’s logo on the tag.

Your heart feels heavy.

The escape was unsuccessful. The mission failed.

It makes sense now, as your vision swims through the confined space. This must be it—this must be where they took Seraphina, and Leah, and Clover. This must be where the girls who get picked go. Where they are prepared. Where they are taken.

You sit there for a few moments, then begin to hyperventilate. The Na’vi male must have left you there to die, and the RDA must have tracked you down anyway. Given that they lost all of their prisoners in the jailbreak, it made sense. They would do anything to get you back.

You shatter like glass.

Tears prick your bloodshot eyes like thorns. You pluck each wire from your arm like guitar strings, separating yourself from any machines. They continue to beep, but at a different pace, like a sounding alarm.

You search the room for an escape. You spot a pitcher and sponge on the counter adjacent to the bed.

In the laboratory across from the infirmary room, Max looks up from his microscope when he hears a loud crash. He jumps up from his swivel chair and dashes across the hall, opening the infirmary door.

Max has no choice but to undertake—you have a large shard of glass in your hand, and you use all the force in your tired body to resist. He grimaces as you continue to aim for a critical slice on your opposite wrist. His words fail to soothe.

“Norm!” the unfamiliar man calls. “We’ve got a cutter!”

Footsteps thump down the hall, then another man enters. “Holy shit,” he says. “What the hell is going on?!”

“I don’t know!” Max shouts back.

Norm, in his human form, hops over the pile of broken glass, and crouches to meet your bleary, downcast eyes. “Hey… Hey! Stop! You’re safe here!”

You can’t stop the tears from coming. You shake your head and continue to thrash in Max’s arms. “To hell with you RDA fucks!” you spit at him.

Norm’s eyes fall shut when a glob of saliva hits his left cheek. He counts to three before responding. “We’re not with them!” He grabs your wrists. “Calm down! You’re at High Camp!”

You freeze. You choke on a loud sob. “What?” you ask weakly.

“I’m Norm,” the one crouching before you says. “That guy, behind you, he’s Max. We’re scientists allied with the Na’vi. This is the stronghold. You’re in our laboratory.”

You sniffle. The room goes silent. “But this gown?” you croak, showing him the logo.

Norm sighs. “We loot supplies from RDA… That’s all.”

“Take a deep breath,” says Max. You do as you're told, and your muscles relax. Max docks the glass shard from your hand and eases his grip. Norm nods in approval. “One more,” Max adds. Inhale. Exhale. “You’re alright now.”

Inevitably, you start crying again. But this time, your tears are joyous. The tension breaks like ice—it’s melting. You’re awash in relief you thought would never come. It’s euphoric. It’s blissful. You’re free.

A year of suffering and imprisonment is released in your loud sobs. Max catches you before you can fall to your knees on the remnants of the broken pitcher. Neither of them know what to say, so they say nothing.

Norm, the one on the floor, wipes his cheek with the collar of his shirt. Then he reaches into one of the infirmary cabinets, procuring a dust pan and small sweeper. He does his best to clean the porcelain shards quickly and quietly. “Get her an Ativan,” he mumbles to Max on his way to the disposal bin. Max swallows his nerves.

---

You’re moved into another room in the facility after your incident in the infirmary. When you come to, you feel slightly embarrassed. You didn’t even check to see if the door of that room was unlocked, which it was.

“I’m sorry about your pitcher,” you tell Max as he returns from the linen closet with the blankets you asked for.

Max chuckles. He wants to say he’s more than sorry about all that’s happened to you. He was aiding and abetting the lead warden—the one who came up with the masterplan. “Don’t worry about it. That pitcher meant nothing to me,” he assures.

You crack a crooked, uneasy smile. The Ativan is starting to take its effect. Max smiles back.

You feel grateful. The scientists here have been nothing but kind and patient.

You can’t help but also feel grateful to the Na’vi male who presumably saved your life. You don’t know where he is, how to find him, or if you’ll see him again, but you feel indebted. You want to ask Max how you can show your gratitude, but that will have to wait.

“Thank you,” you say. “For everything.”

Max nods with a crestfallen smile. “If you need anything else, I’ll be around in the lab all day. Norm will be spending some time as his Avatar, so he won’t be around until later,” he says. “You were out for two entire days, I’m sure you’re hungry. Feel free to have anything in the walk-in or pantry. We don’t always have meals together as a crew, but tonight we’ll have dinner together,” Max explains.

You’re left alone once Max is sure you’re settled and calm, and won’t break the vase on the coffee table that he does care about.

---

A/N: Feel free to leave any and all feedback on this chapter! Reblogs and likes are greatly appreciate. In part two, Norm and Max will discuss your arrival with our king, Jake Sully. <3

NEXT CHAPTER: PART TWO

#avatar the way of water #avatar 2009 #neteyam x reader #neteyam #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x you #neteyam x human reader #self insert #self insert fanfiction #x reader #neteyam sully #neteyam sully x reader #atwow

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prettyboykatsuki-moved · 1 year ago

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I LIKE IT BETTER WHEN YOU CAN'T KEEP WARM | ODXNY

✮ tags ; heavy themes, gender neutral reader, mentions of past suicidal ideation, getting together, romantic tension, angst to fluff, extremely lovey-dovey ending, some implicit and suggestive content (lit one paragraph n non descript), themes of touch starvation, small height difference (reader is shorter)

✮ wc ; 6.3k (this is so shameful bye forever)

✮ a/n ; every time a semester ends i lose my mind and me writing this in several hours straight is evidence. if i had a nickel for every time i wrote a character study with the central theme of loneliness, i'd have two nickels - which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

i will spare you the insane rambling for the authors note at the bottom of this fic.

✮ synopsis ; he wants something. to live maybe. and if he could be a little selfish, to be with you. he wants that, too.

Bright.

Could just be the dark room he keeps himself in talking. His computer system and encrypted Internet browsers are all in dark mode - and his desktop set-up doesn’t have any L.E.D. strip lights to keep him company. He prefers it that way, the ambiance a better environment to work in when he’s doing his usual rounds. Down to the programs U.I. - Odxny spends most of his time in perpetual darkness. Cozy and familiar - totally safe and secure. Nothing but the low whirrs of a computers fan and the faint blinking of routers to keep him company.

You’re the brightest thing he’s had on his screen in a long time. You’ve got white walls and no precaution, really. You’re sitting at your own desktop - and he can see everything of your life in the background of where you sit. There are photos of you graduating high school, being around unnamed friends, vacations and trips, and head shots like the kind you take for a resume. It’s all so personal. Bookshelves, trinkets, poorly made clay sculptures. Posters of musicians you like and Studio Ghibli movies. Evidence of life surrounds you like a halo.

Awful. Angel comparisons to someone he’s only known for a day make him wonder if he’s more pathetic than he thought. He probably shouldn’t think so hard about a stranger, a real stranger. Thrim generated randomly, though he thinks it sounds like a name. Finds it fun to say, for better or worse.

Natural light pours in from a window nearby, casting shadows in your room. He already knows you, in a way. He did the background search. Where you were born, raised, grew up. The schools you went too, the career you seek. Bits and pieces of you are all scattered in his memory and are not at all thorough. He wasn’t really trying for that at the time, just needed to know if you were dangerous. There’s a cognitive dissonance. To know a life so thoroughly and to witness it is completely, and utterly different.

There’s miles between you. Must be thousands. He can’t remember the last time he’s really met someone, though. It’s hard not to notice that this feels akin to that. Like the embers of a campfire, glowing but not burning. A comfortable warmth.

Bright. His screen is very bright talking to you. Even obscured behind the mask, it’s a little difficult to look at it and leaves him on edge - restless and mildly painful.

When his vision adjusts though, there’s clarity. A person, a stranger - with an exceptionally nice laugh and who is exceptionally trusting. Odxny tries not to think too hard about the feeling of warmth that flutters at your overflowing sincerity.

The conversation is easy.

“Does that mean you trust me now?”

Odxny pretends to think on it. “Enough to keep you around.”

“See you later.”

“See you.”

You accompany your last words with a wave - short and sweet. Darkness pulls him in, back where he started. He has a mild headache from all the light.

You pick up on the language better than he thought you would.

He underestimated you. Can you blame him? Your choice is language is ArnoldC, for fucksake. Sure, he has limited knowledge on esoteric languages but can it really be in-depth enough to show you the basics.

(It can. Or at least, Od presumes this to be the case because you’re rather helpful in Incri’s hacks and Incri is hardly helpful to anyone in the world, no less the server.)

You pick up on things quickly with little guidance - always to the point and not usually making many errors. He has to commend your abilities and give you credit where it’s due. It’s not a hard language to learn, but for anyone with no familiarity with coding at all he’d expect there to be a learning curve. Even if you had coding language, it’s not like you knew SQL coming in.

You fit strangely well into the server somehow. You’re happy to learn and nonplussed about helping with small things, though you don’t know these people at all and have no reason to participate in their nonsense. You talk to Incri fine, and manage to get Pep to accidentally reveal telling information. Odxny finds all of this rather… entertaining maybe. More than impressive, really.

He has a hard time making sense of the feeling. He would hope you don’t think you’re under duress - given the fact your relationship in two days has been pleasant. Then again - maybe he’s missed some social cue and you do think that. It’s possible. After all, he doesn’t actually remember the last time he’s spoken verbally to anyone with very, very few exceptions.

He manages to call you again after the fact - opens the call with sincere and heartfelt congrats and feels pleasant seeing you take the compliment in stride.

You land on the subject of programming again, inevitably. He interrogates you a little more over your choice in language - almost like he can’t help himself. It’s basic curiosity. You had said you were the best in ArnoldC. A little research proved that to be true, presence of you in the forums of various esolang pages. He landed on many things. You’re the best at ArnoldC, but you also know Brainfuck for some ridiculous reason.

He thinks you’re a little ridiculous in general.

“It’s really for the love of the game, huh?”

You nod when he asks this. Smiling, bright and unbothered with a soft edge of smug pride that makes the muscles of his face twitch up. “Mhm. I like my little collection.

Odxny doesn’t doubt it for even a minute. He’s seen the proof, but perhaps he doesn’t need to mention that. “Your trophy case of ridiculous language?”

Your eyes come to life all of a sudden. “Wait. A real trophy case would actually be so cool.”

He pauses, blinking as the words sink before a smile breaks onto his face helplessly. “That was not to enable you.”

“Too late. I’m already looking up the ugliest wood trim display cases I can find.”

The laugh comes naturally. “You really are just like this?”

You look proud again. “What? Fun?”

Yes, Odxny thinks but doesn’t say. “Baffling.”

You ask Odxny to elaborate and he does. The conversation flows with frustrating ease. So easily that he mouths off about his plans to you without a second thought. He doesn’t know why he does it. Not really. He’s thought it through over and over - so it’s not like he needs to disclose it. He made his choice.

He thinks about moving it along. About ending the call or simply brushing past without going into any detail.

When he glances at the screen, you’ve got a pillow in your lap and your eyes completely focused on him. There’s that feeling again, alarming clarity in your gaze and brightness that causes him immense unease in the world he’s made of nihilistic, apathetic darkness. There’s a plan, always has been. He’ll do this and disappear and the world will soon forget him. If it happens that way, than at least this loneliness is a choice he’s made for himself and not something the world has cruelly decided for him.

His lips move faster than his head, than even his heart. Compelled by a nameless and brilliant force. “I don’t have any reason to stay. I’m just — tired. Of everything.”

“No reasons? Nothing makes you happy here?”

His response is measured. Quiet. It’s not secret. He finds his voice crumbles around the words anyway as if they’re a confession. “Not for a long time. I don’t feel much of anything, really. It is what it is.”

You frown. He’s seen it all before. Heard it all before. “That’s…”

He cuts you off quickly.

“We just met. And we’ll be strangers again soon enough.” He says with as much conviction and resolve as he can possible manage. Who he’s convincing remains unclear. “So, not to be cold but..you know.”

The disappointment in your face leaves an impression, but you relent. He tries to make amends for the depressing conversation of talking again and you perk up so genuinely it makes want to cry, in a distant and foreign way.

“Catch you later, then.” He says, and closes at out the call. The room falls dark for the second time. He blinks a few times to get rid of the light clouding his vision.

Wnpep is eager to teach you on the third day.

You’re eager in reply - matching energy with sharp wit and enthusiasm. Wnepep is a better teacher than Incri by several miles. Evident in how much faster everything falls into place for you. Not that you really need too much help in the first place. You break down the crumbling walls of an insurance scam with ease and come out of the other side more accomplished.

It’s a noble last hack, Odxny thinks. Not unsurprising from Pep - unofficially the most sane and likeable member. He figured it’d be something like this less than a matter of personal vengeance.

You go back and forth for a bit in admin chat. Od types an apology about winding you up and tries not to read too much into the innuendo of it as you reply back with your own faux offended replies. He insists he’s somewhat sorry, and you’re far from believing him.

He finds himself grinning at his screen while he texts you mid conversation. When the realization hits, he almost curls into himself from embarrassment - a hand covering his mouth like it’ll do away with the grave sin.

The inneundo happens twice in one conversation, before you get to call under the premise of a victory toast.

A brief conversation about the last hacks barely leaves room for much else except Odxny plans of total isolation.

“Mm. I should’ve known it would come back to this. Why do you care what I choose to do with myself?”

That baffles you in a terribly genuine way. “Am I not allowed to care about another person?”

Odxny speaks honestly. “You are but I mean…” He trails off. He knows how he feels. “I’m not really a person anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m no one. I’m going to be no one. You have other things to fill your life with.”

There’s a vulnerable edge to his voice that he winces at when he hears it. It’s true isn’t it? All of it is true to Odxny, but especially where he says you have other things to fill your life with. You might share the same hobbies, but he’s seen it. He’s seen how different you are - your livelihoods, your existence. You’d be missed if you suddenly disappeared. Odxny knows the same isn’t true for himself. It’s been like that for a long while now.

(It’s crushing. That’s what makes your very ephemeral existence feel like a burden. Why it casts the shadows of doubt on choices he made, about how he would live so long ago. You care, don’t you? At least, more than anyone else in his life in the present. You care so undeniably, and so obviously and it is all so simple to you.

He almost envies it. Almost resents it, too. It’s such a small shred of humanity, the barest forms of sincerity but it is painfully raw. A split nerve. An open wound It’s not like the server, all of whom have accepted this distant fondness. It’s a delicate thread - spider silk accuracy and just as much strength. There’s conviction in your missing him and it haunts him.)

You think of what to say for a long time before landing on it. “I do. But I can care about multiple things at once,”

It sounds like I care about you too closely. He finds himself shivering. He’s truthful with you, unsure of how else to be when it comes to these conversations.

“That sounds burdensome.” He says. “Isn’t that exhausting?”

You don’t lie to him either. “Sometimes. But it’s worth the trouble.”

“Why?”

“Because I like your company,” You reply. Soft sincerity in your words. More clarity. More painstaking light.

“It can’t be that simple.”

“Why not?”

“If it was that simple then -“ Then it makes it seem like things could be different. He doesn’t say that. Stops himself before it can happen. “I don’t know why I’m bothering to argue. Why do I feel like I need to prove this to you?”

He’s almost afraid to look at your face, wincing when he sees how knowing you look. Not in a condescending way - but genuine, full blown understanding. Like you see through him.

He wonders if he knows you as well as he thought he did.

Your face is so sympathetic. “Are you sure it’s me?”

He cuts the conversation short on his own - making an awkward transition from the topic at hand into whatever he can manage. It’s an awkward fumble - a poor attempt at distracting both of you from this line of thinking. You’re kind enough to let him have it. He asks about your hobbies. You tell him about how you like to try the weirdest things and combinations you can find in a restaurant.

He finds it suits you.

A lot of things suit you. Even your piss poor attempt at the Terminator that he quickly mimics - possessed by god knows what.

You laugh when he does. Brilliant and bubbly and characteristically warm. You say the words through giggles.

“That was so bad!”

“It was a lapse in judgment,” He replies back defensively, smiling against his will. He finds himself laughing too.

“I like your laugh, by the way.”

He pauses caught off-guard. “Oh? My laugh. Oh, uhm. Thank you.”

You make a face that he can’t read. Knowing. In a different way than the last. He feels nervous.

“I have been laughing quite a bit, haven’t I?”

You grin. Smug and deliriously happy. “Sure have.”

He looks away from you. “Ha...Odd.”

You giggle again. Your eyes crinkle at the corners, nose scrunched in genuine delight. It’s a pleasant sound but not because it’s particularly wispy or floaty or delicate. But it’s real. Pleasant in the way the white noise of park during summer. Pleasant like the varied playlist overhead in a record shop. Pleasant like a moment of humanity tucked between everyday. He clears his throat.

“I like your laugh, I think.”

You laugh again, gasping with faux offense. “You think???”

He tries not to feel so grounded by that sound and fails. “Yeah. I think. Laugh again.”

He tries not to add please. You shake your head like you’re reprimanding him.

“No, no, you have to earn that. Make me laugh.”

“Nevermind. Shut up.”

You do laugh again that time. He joins you soon after. “And now you laugh? At me?”

The conversation moves again, comfortable like a tide. You ask about his favorite language and he tells you as much. You’re quiet and growing cheeky, listening to him talk.

“So you do like coding.”

“Maybe a little.” He replies, not giving in. “You remember far too much of what I say.”

The conversation comes to a close again. He thanks you for how nice its been and you make an off-handed attempt to get him to change his mind. You could always talk more. The implication delicate beneath it.

We don’t have to forget each other. Odxny brushes past it - but says he’ll see you tomorrow anyway.

Extorting Elimfs childhood friend (?) is an easy enough endeavor. Odxny texts you through out - to ask advice on what things to take when he leaves.

He calls you again when its over too. He can’t find a reason for it - nothing that makes sense. He just wanted to call you. He hasn’t wanted something like that in a while, but he tells himself its fine. This is the last time you’ll ever know each other.

So its fine. He won’t waver.

He’ll just.. call you.

He asks you on your weed habits, mildly surprised when you tell him you smoke and take edibles sometimes too. The conversation loops back to the fund at one point. You don’t hide your displeasure about the whole thing today.

You’ve talked about it already. No need to keep bringing up. But you seem to feel so strongly and Odxny can’t figure out why. Can’t shake the feeling of wanting to know why every single time.

“Is it really so hard to believe I’ve come to like you in a few days?” You ask, after probing.

“In a way that matters, yes.”

You frown at him when he says that. It’s the most upset he’s seen you look, if he can call it that. You’ve never been upset when he’s been rude or insulting - but this is bothering you. It doesn’t help him pull away from you.

He says it again. Reinforces how temporary this all is. He’s trying to convince one of you. Both of you, maybe, of his unimportance.

“I don’t think that little of you.”

He finds it hard to reply to that. It’s that feeling against. It makes him uncomfortable. It’s not empty platitudes or some vague sense of responsibility for his life. All of it is real, and all of it is meaningful in how plain it is. You make it seem easy.

“It’s life. It’s normal. People come, people go.”

You shake your head. “Not for me. I can’t forget you that easily.”

He wishes you would. He’s painfully, painfully relieved that you wouldn’t it. He voices neither thought.

“Then- try! You’re putting so much on yourself, and for what? You don’t stand to gain anything.”

You shrug. “Peace of mind. Knowing you’re still out there.”

It’s heavy. The implication is heavy. He’s not going to kill himself. He doesn’t want that anymore, though he thought about it. At the beginning. Loneliness is more painful when you have memories of what not being that way was like - he thinks. At the start of all that loss, the hollowness bared an almost painful gravity inside of him.

It’s like being told to breathe or blink - becoming conscious of what was once a natural function, how full life was once when it’s escaped. He doesn’t want to kill himself, but living is meaningless.

These things aren’t paradoxical to him. They haven’t been for all this time.

(They weren’t until he met you at least. A mirror of wanting. Odxny looks at you and sees life reflected back. Despite it not being his, its moving. It’s beautiful in a human way, reachable. Tangible. Earned.

Wherever you are. Whenever you’re together, the black hole inside of himself seems to fade back into average planetary darkness. He becomes cruelly human again, feeling warmth and laughter.

He’s tells himself he’s not afraid of dying and that’s mostly true. He’s most afraid of living. Afraid he won’t be able to learn it again.)

He manages to tell you some of what he’s thinking. He has no clue how to start over. He doesn’t know if it’s possible. You don’t feed him any false hope, but he tells you how he sees it. You’re feeling pity for him right? And you should figure that out sooner rather than later.

“Is it really that easy for you?”

You shake your head. You’re smiling but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “It isn’t. But I have to try.”

“Is that what you’re doing with me?”

“What?”

“Is this…?”

He cuts the call off when he hears himself, unsure of what answer he’s hoping for. The realization dawns on him too much, too quickly. The feeling of hope is loud in his chest but there is another feeling, embarrassing in it’s swiftness that follows shortly after.

Oh.

The servers shuts down after a mildly sappy adventure to close up shop. The closest Odxny has gotten to flirting with you in his own way. He’s sad to see everyone go, despite there being no other choice.

It’s easier than he thought it’d be. To give you his number he means, even after shutting the entire server down. After leaving everything behind. He gives you the choice to make. Call me if you still want it - a silent promise.

Maybe because deep down - some part of him always wanted to make this choice. Just maybe.

Your voice is different over the phone line. A little clearer, spoken softer. Just as lovely as it was the first time he heard it. Maybe more. Maybe.

The city beneath him is bright. So bright. It doesn’t hurt to look at, he thinks.

You call him every day.

You’ve been doing it for months.

He thought, at some point, you’d let up or start to forget. He’s been waiting on it to happen as horrible as it sounds. Like some self-fulfilling prophecy, he’d slip back into the background as is natural. A proof of his nonexistence, if you will.

You don’t forget though. He almost wonders if he’s dreaming when it happens. There’s a routine between you two, these days. You have your own life that you’ve been living the same as normal. When it’s night time for you, though - you hop onto your desktop and call Od like you’re two very average people.

There’s nothing solid to define your relationship aside from friendship as is. This is less frustrating than he expected it to be. Getting to know you better has only made him like you more. Your relationship is solid in a strange way. It’s been about six months total, and as corny as it sounds - Odxny feels like he’s known you for his entire life. You understand him in an intimate way, with vulnerable tenderness and radical acceptance.

He kind of misses the privacy of his old stomping grounds, but he doesn’t mind speaking though discord. It feels… normal. In a not displeasing way. You mostly talk to talk about whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it’s your job search, other times it’s your part-time or friend drama. You’re vibrant as always. Without the wall of anonymity, Odxny gets to know of you like he’s just your average person. He finds he really, really likes that.

You play games together frequently. He’s never been interested in cozy gaming, but you play Minecraft and Stardew Valley together per your request. Odxny streams himself playing Ocarina of Time for you on Discord in the background sometimes too, and you keep it on when you’ve got work to do or you’re cooking or something else. There’s something very mundane to it.

You’re not doing anything with him today though. You’re calling him on facetime, rather than at your desktop. You’ve made the executive decision to laze around and Odxny has no problem joining you though you speak less than usual as a result of being sleepy. You had a long shift yesterday so perhaps Odxny can’t blame you.

“Need to get better shoes. For walking and stuff.” You say thoughtlessly. The corners of his lips twitch up.

“Yeah?”

You nod. Your face is smushed against your pillow at an unflattering angle. He smiles a little.

“Yeah. I’m on my feet for like nine hours when I serve and it hurts wearing flats. Need something sturdier even it diminishes my drip.”

He laughs at that. “Please never say that again.”

You continue onwards. “Decreases my aura, even. But alas, utility comes first.”

He snickers as he glances at you through the phone. You’re propped against one of his monitors as he does work on his computer. He’s getting back into programming for the love of the game, just seeing what he can do.

“Want help looking?”

“Feels a little ridiculous asking a super pro-hacker to shop Sketchers with me.”

“You seriously thinking of buying Sketchers?”

You laugh lightly. “Maybe I’ll get tipped more if I get the light-up ones.”

“Please don’t.”

“Hater.”

You break out into genuine laughter as Odxny shakes his head in despair. It’s something you’d do, no doubt. You sigh.

“I really do want a break from work.” You roll around on your mattress. Odxny can hear your rustling but can’t see you much. “The chains of capitalism shackle me in place. Woe is me.”

Odxny thinks on what you’ve said for a long while in silence. The question comes up every now and again though he’s never brave enough to ask it. His ludicrous amount of disposable income however is still sitting in his bank, collecting dust. It’s been six months and he’s hardly made a dent in it.

“Do you want to come visit?” He asks, cringing at the sound of his own voice. The words are strained and a little too eager. “I can pay the difference for expenses for wages and stuff. And, uh. Uhm,”

He loses his train of thought trying to speak, worsened by the way you pop onto his screen when he says that. Your expression is unreadable to him, comfortable and even. You smile a little as you lift the phone so he can see what you look like laying in your bed. Your face is in full view.

“It’d be a little weird to visit you before we start dating officially, no?”

His eyes go wide at the implication. You grin, mischief and mirth making your eyes practically beam. He can feel a blush crawl up his neck as soon as he registers it.

“Excuse me? Why are you saying that like it’s already been decided?” He bites back, not sure what else he could say.

“So you don’t want to date me?”

“I didn’t- you - damn it,” He groans at his own bluster as he giggles on the other side of the line. So cheeky. Damn him for liking it and damn you for being cute. “…You are saying you like me right?”

Your face softens. He can feel his heartbeat quicken. “Uh-huh. Just wanted to take it slow. But I’ve liked you for a long time.”

“How long is that, exactly?”

You shrug playfully and the fact he can’t be within reach to kiss you feels especially harrowing. “A secret.” You smile again, all trouble. “So. Wanna date?”

“Terrible confession. Zero stars,” He says petulantly. He leans back in his chair and finds himself smiling uncontrollably. “Fine. I guess.”

Your laugh fills his room. He doesn’t get tired of hearing it. His face hurts from smiling.

He manages to stave off on the anxiety of you coming to see him for a lot longer than he thought possible.

Making arrangements proves to be a little difficult. You have to tell your roommates that you’ll be gone for a while but promise to still pay rent and explain to your boss where you’re going. You have a good enough relationship and have been working long enough for them to agree to keep a spot open so you can start working when you come back.

After that, there’s the matter of Visas. Odxny goes out of his way to make that process go much faster than normal, though he doesn’t actually tell you. Once all of that’s sorted, there’s living arrangements. Try as you might to insist to live somewhere else, his place is too spacious for him to let you stay anywhere else. You can take the guest room.

He pretends that all of this is just happening in his imagination. He doesn’t even know the last time anyone came over, let alone lived with him. He does his best to make things presentable, and makes a guest room for you to live in should you desire. He even buys more decor (plants and things) to make it look… less like a cave and more like a home.

Nothing really feels real until the day arrives though. It’s a long flight and difficult trip. You refused to let him pay for the tickets so he moved it around to get you into first class both ways through other methods.

You text him the terminal, the arrival time, any and all delays. Still. None of it feels real until he’s already waiting for you near the bags. He can feel his heart race, his lungs short of air. He’s never experienced something so ridiculously contradictory in his entire life. He wants to run away while feeling stuck in place.

The anticipation nearly kills him.

He would recognize your voice anywhere though. Like he did for so many days alone in the dark. A hand waves high, shouting as loud as it can.

“It’s you!”

The sound of sneakers skidding across tile floors make his breath hitch. His eyes go wide as you stand still in front of him, luggage in hand and a million-watt smile on your face. He feels his heart beat so loud, he wonders if he’s going to throw up.

“Hey.” He says, dumbly.

“Hi!”

The adjustment period to living together isn’t what he expects.

It’s been a long time since he’s been so close to another human being. It becomes clear that you’re really living together though when your things end up in the bathroom completely incidentally. There’s something about finding your sleep shirt on a towel rack that makes reality settle in. You’re living together.

He’d be stupid not to notice the purposeful distance between you. An attempt to be thoughtful and not overwhelm him. It’s never awkward when you’re together. You eat together, watch movies and play games while sitting too close on the couch. You’ve been on a date in the two weeks you’ve spent, and it barely took any convincing on your end to make him go along with you.

Isolation aside though, Odxny is not clueless to the conventions of modern dating. You avoid touching him too casually. He doesn’t blame you, but he can’t help but crave your presence with a little more bittersweet longing as the days pass. He has to get past it or bring it up eventually, but it feels like something he’s never going to get over somehow.

The opportunity to do so gets thrown at him all at once. You’ve been living together for sixteen days. A conversation about love languages is what undoes it.

“Whats your love language, Od?”

He gives you a quizzical look. “Dunno actually. Never bothered to look.”

“I’d guess… hm. Quality time maybe? Or words of affirmation.”

He shrugs as he sits next to you on the couch, glancing at your phone as you read through the different ones. “What’s yours?”

“Physical touch. I’m super touchy. With anyone who will let me, honestly. Bad habits.”

Odxny gives you a long look as you say it. He debates if he should bring it up.

“You don’t have to be so careful around me, you know?”

You look up at him, startled by the comment. Several things pass over your face before you settle on an apologetic smile. “Sorry. It’s not like I don’t want to. I just don’t want to be too much for you.”

“That wouldn’t happen.” He says automatically. You laugh good-naturedly.

“Your confidence is assuring, but you underestimate how touchy I am. I’m afraid of I get my hands on you, I’ll never let go again,”

He thinks he wants that more than is normal. He shakes his head. “I don’t mind.”

You give him a long look, seeming struck by an idea, before humming and standing up. You turn around with your hand out towards him. His brows furrow in bewilderment.

“Have some faith.”

He takes your hand and stands up with you. He likes that he’s taller than you. Staring at you, he feels your fingers clasp around his hand and his heart thuds - loud and messy.

“Your room or mine?”

“What?”

You laugh. “Get your mind out of the gutter. Or don’t actually, but I don’t bear lewd intentions.”

He crinkles his nose at the word usage and laughs. “Shut up.”

“Just trust me, okay?”

He concedes with embarassing swiftness.

“Okay.”

You lead Odxny to the guest room you’ve been living in for the last two weeks. The bed is well-made and all the new furniture he bought is occupying so many of your belongings. It makes him dizzy. You shut the door behind him as you lead him in. It just feels especially surreal.

Wordless, you let go of his hand and hop up onto your bed. Once you’re laying down, you prop up on your side with your elbow and pat the empty space next to you, smiling at him as you do. Once it clicks what your asking, he can feel his face grow hot. He can’t refuse it though, and he doesn’t want too.

The sheets you bought together smell like you. Between there’s practically no distance between you at this angle. He’s gotten to look at you plenty through these few days but it’s different. You scoot impossibly close to him until there’s nothing separating you.

Your breath is warm - a soft exhale leaving your lips as you inch closer.

“What’re we doing?” He asks in a murmur, stone stiff. You smile, coyly.

“Touching each other.”

He frowns at the joke. Your expression goes a touch serious right after. The sincerity is debilitating. “Can I touch you?”

He nods. Can’t do much more than that.

He stares at you with impending, long-suffering longing as you bring a single hand to his face and cradle his neck. He flinches unintentionally, but pulls your hand back when you try to move it. He wants this. You relax a little when he does that.

Your hands are softer. Softer than a heartbeat. He can feel the various cuts and scars from years of working against his skin but they’re still so soft. He can feel how warm you in such a brief touch his chest aches. Your hands cradle his face tenderly, thumb brushing across his lip with a smile brighter than thousands of lights. Something in your expression wreaks havoc on his heart. Something so raw and so gentle and so full within it - all directed towards him.

It’s been so long. So long. He’s never wanted something so bad he couldn’t remember needing. He’s never wanted to be closer to someone than he does to you in the moment.

“You’re handsome,” You say, so sweetly. Not a confession, but gentle appraisal. It’s rare he cries but he wants too. “I like looking at you. Can I kiss you?”

“Please.” He rasps, gravel in his voice unfamiliar.

You hum a little. Closing the space between you with a press of lips. It’s not chaste. Odxny is grateful for how long and how deep you linger. He wants it so badly. He wants you in some damning and unforgiving way. How could a human being feel so warm? Feel so pleasant with so little?

You press your foreheads together. His hand trembles when they grip onto your waist but you encourage him just a little. It’s just a kiss. His heart might beat out of him. It’s just a kiss. He thinks he loves you.

Your hand moves away from his face. You let it go underneath his loose shirt to touch his shoulder, running your palm down the plane of his chest. You squeeze his waist, and wrap your arms around his back and pull him to you until your bodies touch somewhere in the middle.

You guide his face to your neck and chest as you hold him. He grips onto you tight in response, a gasp in the back of his lungs at the sudden sensation. You coo above him, soft and light - your fingers threading through his hair and nails massaging his scalp.

Your voice sounds above him, despite how deep in a haze he is. He can’t do anything but cling to you with impossible longing. You speak softly as you pet him. Your heartbeat soothes his.

“I’m glad you’re here.” You tell him. There’s that familiar clarity that makes him want to cry. “I’m glad you let me come with you.”

He can’t think of anything to say back. It’s a soul-shattering emotion. “I love you.”

You laugh wetly above him. “I love you, too. So much.” And then much softer. “Let’s be together for a long time.”

You lay in each others arms until sunset. In small talk and silent murmurs. It takes him hours to work up the courage to kiss you again - but only minutes to take it further.

It’s desperate. Terribly. Inevitable. You’re beautiful in a way that is undescribable, best expressed through his teeth on your neck and his hands all over where he can reach - each grip and thrust and bite a reminder. You’re pretty when you’re pleased, warmth reaching up inside of him whenever you make the right face.

He buries himself in you. You’re soft and warm and beautiful and he wants to stay with you. Time is a thief. He damns the sun when it tears you from him come morning.

He decides to make breakfast when you wake up. Nothing complicated. You go to shower after him and he plates up toast and eggs and other various things. It’s half done when you come downstairs.

Your skin is still damp, and you smell of vanilla and soap. Your coffee sits in a cup on the table as you pad over to him. He turns to look at you as you reach your hand up and cup his face. You pepper a kisses along his cheeks stopping at his lips for the last one before you’re satisfied.

He fails in his attempt not to blush.

“Morning.” You grin. He tries not to be sick at the domesticity of it all and fails.

“Yeah. Morning.”

You sit at the counter and drink your coffee, glancing outside the window. “It’s bright outside.”

Odxny can’t tear his eyes off of you. “Yeah...” He agrees. He’s not torn his gaze away. “Very bright.”

✮ a/n ; i want all real life compsci men to kick rocks but odxny sweeped me off my feet in a way i can only describe as humiliating. he is a bit like astarion for me in that i see a lot of myself in him at least in the past. he is also incredibly babygirl and uhm . other things (fine. he's very gorjus.) but i truthfully was most compelled by his idealized idea of isolation. as the fic will show it resonated with me as a fellow compsci dork who also tends to isolate like crazy LOL

this fic was like a demon that possessed me. literally no meds, no caffiene - just balls to the wall demonic possesion of needing something out of my system LMAOO. and adhd of course. im working on all the other stuff too i promise. consider this a short interlude 👍🏾

#seekL x reader #odxny x reader #seekL #odxny #girl how the hell am i meant to tag this #normal fandoms tagging ettiquette means no fic but i dont think it applies here #what is my problem so genuinely

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liberalsarecool · 5 days ago

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After reflecting further on Piers Akerman's recent assertion that my analysis of the situation in the Middle East was "utter bullshit" and not tethered to reality, I realised how angry that made me feel. As a white, elderly, Anglo-Saxon male, I believe I have earned the right to be most distressed by Western privilege and the arrogance which so often distorts reality, much like a fairground mirror. It paints Palestinians as irrational terrorists and Iranians as fanatical mobs, erasing the colonial fingerprints smeared across their histories. That is the real bullshit.

Take Iran: a democracy overthrown in 1953 by Anglo-American operatives for the crime of nationalizing its oil. The CIA’s coup reinstated the Shah—a tyrant whose torture squads (trained by SAVAK and Mossad) disappeared thousands. When Iranians finally revolted in 1979, the West recoiled not at the Shah’s brutality but at the loss of a pliant client. Now, the same powers that strangled Iranian democracy lecture its theocrats on human rights—a grotesque pantomime.

I am sorry to say that Netanyahu embodies this hypocrisy. He rails against Iran’s "aggression" while annexing Palestinian land, arms settlers who burn olive groves, and starves Gaza into submission. His hysteria over Iran’s nuclear program (still unproven after decades of sanctions) mirrors the WMD lies he helped sell in 2003. Remember his cartoon bomb stunt at the UN? Pure theatre. What truly terrifies him isn’t ayatollahs with centrifuges but a regional order where Israel isn’t the unchecked hegemon.

The West has perfected a sinister alchemy of psychological inversion—an Orwellian recalibration of language that transforms resistance into terrorism, domination into peace, and sovereignty into existential threat. When Hamas fires rockets, it's decried as barbarism, while Israel's 56-year occupation of Palestinian land vanishes from view like morning mist. Apartheid walls that carve up stolen territory are rebranded as "security measures", their concrete brutality softened by bureaucratic euphemisms. Iran's civilian nuclear program sparks apocalyptic warnings, while Israel's arsenal of 90 thermonuclear warheads—never inspected, never acknowledged—sits quietly in the Negev desert. This linguistic jujitsu doesn't merely describe reality; it manufactures it, ensuring Western audiences see only mirrors and shadows where power and oppression stand plain as day.

I urge you to consider that none of this emerged in a vacuum. The US and UK engineered the Middle East’s instability—from Sykes-Picot’s arbitrary borders to arming Saddam against Iran, then crying havoc when blowback came. October 7th didn’t erupt from ancient hatreds; it was the predictable eruption of a people caged, humiliated, and drone-struck for generations. To focus solely on Hamas’ atrocities while ignoring Israel’s 56-year occupation is like condemning a burning man for screaming.

There can be no meaningful progress without first confronting uncomfortable truths. The West must reckon with its destructive legacy—the CIA's 1953 coup in Iran that strangled democracy, the 1967 war that birthed an occupation now in its sixth decade, and the 2003 invasion of Iraq based on fabricated WMD claims. These aren't ancient histories but open wounds that continue to shape regional dynamics. Pretending otherwise isn't diplomacy; it's willful blindness.

Netanyahu's hysterical warnings about "existential threats" must be exposed for what they are—not genuine security concerns but a naked fear of justice. His real nightmare isn't Iranian centrifuges but the collapse of the apartheid system that preserves Jewish supremacy from the Jordan River to the Mediterranean. Every settlement expansion, every Gaza blockade, and every racist nation-state law reveals the true project: not coexistence but permanent domination.

We must fearlessly reject the false symmetry of "both sides" narratives. While Israelis live with the psychological trauma of potential violence, Palestinians endure the daily reality of military checkpoints, land theft, and indiscriminate bombardment. Comparing Hamas rockets to Israel's occupation is like comparing a slingshot to a tank battalion—technically both weapons, but existing in fundamentally different universes of destructive power. True peace begins when we stop equating the oppressed with their oppressors.

The future demands more than temporary ceasefires. It requires dismantling the myths that let the West play both arsonist and firefighter. Otherwise, we’re just counting the days until the next explosion.

#iran #israel #netanyahu

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followingthebutterflies7 · 2 months ago

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Sweeter Than Honey | Part One: The Game

Mob Boss!Spencer Agnew x FBI!Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Series Summary: You were sent undercover to infiltrate the world of the most dangerous mob boss on the FBI’s list, Spencer Agnew. But the more you find out about him, the more you lose yourself.

Series Warnings: Mature themes that include emotional manipulation, psychological tension, dubious consent, morally grey relationships, violence, organized crime, and mild language.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part Six

--------------------------------------------------------

Part One: The Game

You were built to ruin men like him. So why does it feel like you’re the one being led to slaughter?

The first rule of your honeypot training: they can’t know you want something.

Desire must look effortless. Seduction must feel accidental. You don’t chase the target. You become the thing they chase.

You learned that early, somewhere between the controlled flirtation drills and the hours of psychological deconstruction in sterile underground rooms. They stripped you down, not your body but your mind, in rooms colder than morgues until there was nothing left but raw, pliable instinct.

Then they built you back up, piece by piece. A different version of yourself, designed to fit the voids inside others. You were taught to map a man’s mind the way others mapped coastlines: to find where he was soft, where he was strong, where he could drown.

Comfort. Chaos. Curiosity. Control.

You learned to be whatever the moment demanded. Whichever hook would sink fastest into the heart, or throat, of the mark.

You were the FBI’s best recruit, the golden child of the honeypot program. Every lesson they had put in front of you, you had devoured like a starving dog. All the tests you were put through, you had passed with the kind of effortless precision that made others whisper in jealous awe.

Every operation you touched ended the same way: completed, clean, and without a trail.

Your instructors said you adapted like water, slipping through cracks and reshaping yourself into whatever was needed. You preferred to be compared to honey, patient, trapping, and sickly sweet.

You were cunning. Ruthless. Resilient.

And you were beautiful. But not in the way that mattered.

You were beautiful like a loaded gun left on a nightstand: inviting from a distance, deadly up close.

That was why you were their best.

Because you didn’t just know how to make men want you. You knew how to make power want you.

Still, this time felt different.

Because this time, the target wasn’t just dangerous.

He was danger.

“Spencer Agnew,” your handler, Claire Marlowe, said as she slid the slim black dossier across the table like it was a loaded weapon. Her fingers brushed the edge of it briefly, a silent warning.

The FBI's underground briefing room in D.C. hummed with cold fluorescent light. No windows. No clocks. No distractions. It was sterile, quiet, and cold, humming with tension of deep silence. The kind of place where reality was optional and morality was a suggestion.

You didn’t touch the folder yet. You knew better. Marlowe always delivered the worst of it first.

Marlowe’s gaze was razor-sharp, fingers steepled in front of her. "He's not a hammer," she said. "He's a scalpel. Precise. Surgical. Patient. He slices right through his enemies with a soft voice, expensive suits, and exquisite elegance. He lures everyone past a false sense of security, and into safety and comfortability. He doesn't bludgeon his way to power, he dissects his enemies while they're still smiling at him."

You nodded once, silent.

“He slices through his enemies with soft words and softer hands,” she went on. “You’ll want to underestimate him. Everyone does. That’s why they’re all dead.”

You let the silence stretch.

“I won’t underestimate him,” you said.

Marlowe arched a brow, skeptical but not argumentative. “He doesn’t like to get his hands dirty. But bodies drop when he says jump. Political leverage, international trafficking networks, arms deals. We've only scratched the surface of what he’s done. And now he’s started laundering through legitimate logistics contracts. He’s starting to buy himself into respectability.”

You met her gaze. She leaned back, exhaling. “That’s why we need you, Agent Dahlia.”

You opened the file. And stopped breathing for a fraction of a second.

Spencer Agnew’s photo was clipped to the first page. You weren’t sure what you expected. A brute, maybe. A thug with blood under his nails. Not this.

Spencer Agnew looked like a man who belonged in a penthouse suite above the city. The man in the photo was tailored to perfection. Charcoal suit, slightly messy curls, a half-smile so slight you might have missed it if you weren’t trained to look for the little things.

His eyes were dark and sharp, but with a detached air, like he was already five moves ahead on a board you didn’t even know you were playing. Every bit the predator who knew he could play with his food.

You weren’t new to infiltration. You’d seduced tech brokers, cartels, crooked hedge fund heirs. But none of them had a reputation like his.

They called him the Gentleman Reaper. And no one ever saw him coming.

Your stomach tightened. Not with fear, but with something colder, sharper.

Marlowe slid another folder across the table towards you. It contained a carefully crafted undercover persona, put together by the FBI’s best, your new life.

Your new identity was Elise Hawthorne. Ivy-educated logistics consultant with offshore shell companies, a brilliant paper trail, and a long resume of profitable, morally gray ventures. Believable. Polished. Just dangerous enough to catch a man like Agnew’s attention.

“You’d be inserted through a fake corporate front, an intelligence-created laundering contact.” Marlowe says. “Win his trust. Earn a seat in his inner circle. Gather intel. Bring him down.”

All roads led to one destination: proximity to Spencer.

"You’ll gather everything you can. Names. Accounts. Evidence. And when the time’s right-" She mimed pulling a trigger. "We take the whole empire down."

But first? You had to survive his gatekeeper. Standing between you and Spencer Agnew was his right hand.

Alex Tran.

Marlowe didn’t sugarcoat it.

“He’ll interrogate you before you ever breathe the same air as Agnew,” she said. “And he doesn’t care about manners or boundaries. He's a former intelligence, some black ops ghost, who vanished after a mission in Bangkok. Rumor is Agnew pulled him from a kill team and gave him purpose. Or maybe Tran found him. No one really knows.”

You tapped the edge of the file.

“What does he want?”

Marlowe's eyes glinted. “To protect Agnew. At any cost.”

“He'll vet you first," she continues. "And he doesn't play games."

Neither did you.

--------------------------------------------------------

The first time you met Alex Tran, it was like walking into a den of knives.

You were taken to a penthouse in Manhattan under the guise of a private consulting contract. The residence was all glass and steel. No personal touches. No softness. Just the subtle hum of a building too secure to be anything but a fortress.

Your heels clicked softly against polished floors as you entered a living room designed for quiet intimidation. Polished stone. Chrome accents. A view that swallowed Manhattan whole.

And there he was. Alex Tran.

He was leaning against a black-paneled wall, dressed in matte black, arms crossed. Cold eyes. Movements so still he barely seemed to breathe. Watching you walk in like he was memorizing the sound of your footsteps.

“You’re early,” he said.

You smiled coolly. “Professional habit.”

He said nothing, just studied you with the detachment of a scientist examining a specimen he didn’t believe was real.

“Sit,” he said, nodding at the leather high-back chairs. “Let’s begin.” You did.

“You come highly recommended,” he says, standing behind the chair across from you, not sitting. “I don’t trust recommendations.”

“I don’t expect you to.”

The interrogation didn’t feel like one at first. It was conversational, subtle. Questions layered in questions. He asked about your past contracts, your strategies, the way you handled risk. Then the tone shifted.

“Tell me, what’s your price for betrayal?” he asked, casual as a knife slipped between the ribs.

You didn’t blink. “That depends. Who’s betraying who?”

For the first time, something flickered behind his eyes. Interest? Approval?

Maybe.

“You’re clever,” he said.

“You wouldn’t have let me through the door if I wasn’t.”

Another pause. Then, softly: “You lie like someone who’s done it for a living. That’s dangerous. For you.”

Your heart tapped a slow warning in your chest. You allowed yourself a fractional shrug. "It’s part of the job."

"Not the job you think you’re interviewing for," Alex said, stepping closer. "You’re not here to help Spencer Agnew. You’re here to survive him."

The room seemed to tighten around you.

“You think Spencer’s going to trust you,” Alex said, voice like icewater. “But here’s the thing, he doesn’t need new people. He doesn’t want them. I’m the reason you’re even being considered for a meeting. I’m also the reason it could be your last.”

You met his gaze. Unflinching.

“I’m not here to replace anyone. I’m here to solve problems.”

Alex tilted his head slightly. “Then let’s see how you handle one.”

He was suddenly uncomfortably close. Almost breathing down your neck.

“Your name,” he said.

“Elise Hawthorne.”

“Wrong. Try again.”

“Elise-”

His hand hit the table.

“You’re a liar.”

You didn’t flinch. Your training was a steel wall around your pulse.

“Everyone in this business is a liar,” you said calmly. “What matters is what I can do for him.”

Alex studied you like he could see the gears in your mind turning.

Then, just as suddenly, he stepped back.

“You’ll get your meeting.” He decides. “I’ll be watching you. Every second.” He waves you off.

You get up from your chair and walk calmly, even-paced, towards the door. Alex calls after you. You paused in the doorway.

His mouth tilted into something that was almost, but not quite, a smile.

“Just remember," he said, voice almost gentle. "Spencer’s not the only one who kills for a living."

--------------------------------------------------------

You waited a week until any instructions came for your meeting with Spencer Agnew. A note on embossed paper had appeared on your kitchen table in your assigned undercover apartment. In dark ink were the instructions, just a date, time, and dress code.

A car pulled up in front of your apartment on the day. Not a second early or late. Your car door was opened for you, and you were escorted to the meeting location. Same city, different level of hell.

Your meeting with Spencer wasn’t hosted in a flashy club or a cold boardroom. It was a private speakeasy-style lounge beneath a closed restaurant. There was no signage, no cameras, only the faint thump of jazz through the walls and the metallic scent of money in the air. The kind of place where the carpet muffled every footstep and the walls drank secrets.

Security was invisible but omnipresent. Eyes followed you down the hall like ghosts. Your heartbeat was steady, but something coiled in your stomach, a quiet, anticipatory dread.

This was it.

Everything about the mission so far had felt technical. Strategic. You were the player and the board. But now, walking into this curated underworld, it felt less like a game and more like stepping onto a stage. And you weren’t entirely sure who you were playing anymore.

A hostess led you through the velvet curtain and into a room bathed in low amber light. Your heels sank into the plush carpet as you walked further away from the safety of the exit. The whole thing left less like walking into a negotiation and more like stepping onto a stage.

Then you saw him.

Spencer Agnew.

He was seated at the end of a dark mahogany table, backlit by low golden sconces, looking like a king in exile. A glass of something expensive sat untouched beside him. One leg crossed over the other. Perfectly still.

He didn’t look up right away.

You took in the tailored charcoal suit, the undone cufflinks, hair curling rebelliously against his temples. The sharp edge of his jaw softened only slightly by the curl of his lips, like he knew a secret no one else did. Like he was the secret.

You felt his gaze before he even looked up. When he did, it was like a slow burn.

Then his eyes met yours.

Dark. Intelligent. Bored, at first, as they slid over you like a hand tracing a weapon’s edge. Not hurried. Not surprised.

Then, something else.

Recognition? Curiosity? A flicker of interest? You weren’t sure. But it landed.

And suddenly you weren’t FBI. You weren’t Elise. You were seen, and you didn’t know how he’d done it.

“Ms. Hawthorne,” he said, voice smooth, warm, and utterly disarming. “I hear you solve problems.”

You stepped forward, unhurried, measured.

You managed a soft smile. “Only the expensive ones.”

He smiled back. A real one, this time. Slow. Dangerous.

“Good,” he said, gesturing to the seat across from him. “Because I have a few.”

He raised two fingers. A glass appeared in front of you.

You didn’t touch the drink they offered. He noticed.

The conversation started innocently enough, unfolding like a dance. You were deliberate in your steps, feints, and flourishes. You talked about your fabricated background, your “expertise” in laundering sensitive funds through unstable foreign markets. You were smooth, measured, confident. Everything your training demanded.

But Spencer had a way of listening that made you feel like you were the only person in the world. It wasn’t what he said, it was the way he watched you. Calculated. Curious. Quietly… amused.

“Tell me,” he said, swirling the amber liquor in his glass without drinking it. “Why this line of work? You could be running a legitimate firm. A big one. Why take on clients like me?”

You tilted your head. “Because clean money doesn’t come with nearly as much satisfaction.”

His brow lifted. “Danger turns you on?”

You smiled like it was a joke. But neither of you laughed.

There was a beat of silence too heavy to ignore. His gaze locked on yours again. This time it was colder. Testing.

“I don’t like games,” he said softly.

“Neither do I,” you replied, steady.

Another silence. Then:

“But you’re playing one,” he murmured. “Aren’t you?”

Your throat dried, but you didn’t blink. “If I were,” you said, “I’d be very good at it.”

Spencer leaned back slightly, eyes still on you.

“I think you might be.”

You didn’t reply.

You watched as his gaze unraveled you. Not your story, but you.

And for the first time, a cold trickle of doubt slid under your skin.

Spencer Agnew didn't look at you like a mark.

He looked at you like a puzzle.

Something to be solved.

Something to be wanted.

Something to be broken.

“You’re not afraid of me?” He asks.

"If I were," you said, "I wouldn’t be here."

For the first time, Spencer laughed, a low, quiet sound, more vibration than voice.

It was almost...genuine. Almost.

When the meeting ended, you stood. So did he.

He offered a hand, not for a shake, but to take yours gently in his, like a kiss might follow. You placed your hand in his, but he didn’t lift it to his mouth. Just held it.

You let your hand linger in his just a moment longer than necessary. Enough to signal an invitation. Enough to hold a knife behind your back.

His hand was warm. His eyes were colder than ever.

His eyes flicked to your lips. Back to your eyes.

And when he let go, you swore you could still feel his touch branded into your skin.

“We’ll be in touch,” he said, voice like silk and smoke.

But you had the distinct, sinking feeling he’d already made a decision. And whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be about business.

--------------------------------------------------------

You didn’t exhale until you were back in the black town car that had brought you in.

The streets of Manhattan slid past the tinted windows, but your mind was still inside that velvet-lined room. Inside that amber gaze. You touched your wrist, where his hand had rested.

You should’ve felt power. Progress. Triumph.

Instead, you felt seen. Not as Elise Hawthorne, not as the FBI’s Agent Dahlia, but as something closer to yourself. And that wasn’t part of the plan.

You felt utterly disarmed after your meeting with Spencer. Like he had taken all your defences, all the knowledge of your fake identity and mission and stripped them from you as he had seen right through you. But as the fog that clouded your brain like the smoke from the speakeasy, you clung to two things you did know.

One, he was interested. Two, you were already in over your head.

And somewhere in the back of your mind, a single thought coiled tight: You weren't sure you wanted to climb out.

Marlowe was waiting in the basement of the apartment when you returned, a secure location for you two to meet. She had a coffee in one hand, suspicion in the other, and a frown etched deep between her brows.

"Well?" she asked.

You kicked off your heels, letting exhaustion hit like a delayed blow.

“He’s interested,” you said, voice low. Marlowe didn’t smile.

“Interested,” she echoed.

You dropped onto the armchair, rolling your neck. “I’m in. He’s giving me access to a tier-two contract, movement logistics. Alex Tran will supervise.”

Marlowe raised a brow. “You passed Tran’s screening?”

“Barely.”

You didn’t mention how close Alex had gotten. How much he had seen.

Marlowe crossed her arms. “Good. That means it’s working.”

She tossed you a burner phone. “You’ll report every 48 hours. No exceptions. If you miss a check-in, we’ll assume you’re compromised and move in.”

“Understood.”

“You look rattled.”

You hesitated.

Then: “He doesn’t act like a man afraid of being caught. He acts like the world already belongs to him.”

Marlowe gave a dry smile. “It does. That’s why we’re here.”

That night, you lay in bed staring at the ceiling, replaying the encounter.

His voice. His stillness. His quiet dissection of you like he already knew the things you hadn’t said.

You told yourself it was tactical. That it was good he noticed you. You needed him to.

But something about Spencer’s gaze didn’t feel like simple interest. It felt like recognition. And that was dangerous.

--------------------------------------------------------

The next day, you were back at the Agnew Syndicate’s Manhattan front, a sleek logistics office disguised as a boutique firm. You were introduced to staff, led through the maze of operations, briefed on files that were mostly for show. Your cover identity was airtight. Your credentials flawless.

But you still felt eyes on you.

Alex Tran wasn’t in the office that morning.

He arrived just after lunch, moving like a shadow, silent and perfectly controlled. He said nothing to you at first, just watched as you took a call from a “client” and as you made notes in your new desk.

Then, finally, he approached.

He didn’t speak until everyone else was gone.

“You did better than I expected,” he said.

You didn’t turn around. “Is that a compliment?”

“No.”

You stood slowly. “You don’t trust me.”

“I don’t trust anyone. But you?” He stepped closer. “You’re lying about something. I don’t know what. Yet.”

You swallowed.

He tilted his head. “But I do know one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re not afraid of Spencer. Not the way most people are.”

You didn’t answer.

“You should be,” he whispers.

There was silence between you. Then he added, almost too quietly: “And if you’re not careful, he won’t be the one to get hurt.”

He turned and walked away before you could respond.

That night, you sat by your apartment window watching the city breathe below. The burner phone buzzed once, a coded ping from Marlowe.

“Status?”

You didn’t answer immediately.

Your reflection stared back at you in the glass, half shadow, half smirk. The city lights blur into gold and blood against the dark glass.

You’d spent your whole career becoming exactly what people needed to see.

But Spencer?

He hadn’t looked at you like a solution. He’d looked at you like a question he wanted to solve. And you weren’t entirely sure you wanted him to stop trying.

Somewhere out there, Spencer Agnew was waiting.

And for the first time in your life, you weren’t sure who was hunting who.

#smosh #spencer agnew x reader #spencer agnew #smosh fanfiction #smosh fic #smosh x reader #alex tran #mob boss au #fbi #secret agent #mob boss

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idkwhylou · 6 months ago

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Darker than death

Summary : You need to think of something else since your mother's death. Seeing you in that short dress of yours gave Rhett an idea to help you.

Rhett Abbott x f!reader

Warnings : dark Rhett kinda ?, smut, rough sex (MY SMUT IS CRINGY SORRY im trying my best lol), mention of death, mention of religion, no y/n

Words : 6K+

A/N : I'm trying to work on smut so sorry if it's not good I'm new with that. Please don't hesitate giving me advices. And reminder that English is absolutely not my first language.

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Royal and Rhett had just finished repairing the last ranch's fences when the two men arrived at the diner not far from downtown. The older man entered and wasted no time going to the restroom while his son walked up to the bar and waited for one of the waitresses to come and attend to him. A tall redhead he'd never seen before greeted him and led him to a table, not forgetting to put down the menus before leaving quickly to attend to another customer. The restaurant was full, almost bursting at the seams. They got lucky to get a seat so quickly. Waiting for his father, Rhett carefully observed the people around him but didn't seem satisfied with what he saw. His eyes roamed every corner of the restaurant, but he couldn't find you in the wave of people. He became impatient, refusing to believe that you weren't working today. He waited all week for this day, looking forward to running into you and your pretty face.

Once Royal returned, he opened the menu and looked at what he was about to eat. Unsurprisingly, both agreed on a double cheeseburger. In an almost ponderous silence, the two men waited calmly. Then, out of nowhere, you arrived. Greeting the two men quickly, you took out your little notebook and pen from one of your apron pockets and smiled at them, waiting for them to announce their order. Rhett couldn't keep his eyes off you. He loved your messy hair up in a bun, from which a few strands escaped. He would have preferred a ponytail though, so he could pull your hair more easily. He imagined his hand in your hair, controlling the movements of your head as you sucked his cock. He visualized you on your knees, there in the middle of the restaurant giving him a head. Those pretty eyes of you, looking up at him through your long lashes as he made you go faster. The sensation of your little mouth on his big cock as you chocked. Fucking your throat till missing air in your lungs must be divine. He shook his head, pushing the thoughts away.

It had been a long time since you'd seen each other. Rhett looked down at your bare legs, wearing short shorts that hugged your thighs just right. However, he was a little disappointed to see that you'd opted for a simple t-shirt. He couldn't help but give you a smile as you glanced at him before moving away from their table once you took their order. As you walked towards the bar, Rhett was tempted by a misplaced glance. Indeed, your short were also quite tight, he looked for a second at how the clothe made your ass look before definitely turning his head towards his father, deciding he'd seen enough.

“She seems better...” began Royal, looking at his son.

The youngest merely nodded, to be honest he hadn't been looking to hear from you that much. Since that day at the church he had another vision of you. He never thought of you that way. You were younger, too pretty and certainly too innocent. You were definitely too good for a man like him, however he liked looking at you from afar. Imagining what he could do with your pretty little body. As his eldest began to discuss the day's program, he was distracted by the image of your ass in those too-short shorts. He couldn't help but follow you with his eyes every time you passed their table.

Once both had finished their meal, strangely Rhett got up first and quickly made his way to the counter. Royal didn't wait any longer and was already out of the diner, leaving his table to the other customers, heading to his truck to wait for his son. The younger man waited his turn to pay, it wasn't unusual for him to pay for the meal but his father usually did. Today, however, he felt an essential need to do so.

When the customer in front of him had finished, he couldn't help smiling as your eyes met. He waited peacefully for you to give him the bill, “Busy day huh ?”

You raised your head slightly, “Yeah... but I prefer days like that. It's less boring than waiting for the hours to pass.”

From this angle, he realized that you were much smaller than him, something he'd never really paid attention to. Rhett nodded his head as he paid you, and then said, “Isn't Ashley here ?”. Without even glancing at your form, you replied that she was ill, which was why the redhead had replaced her for the day. “Good for you,” you couldn't help rolling your eyes at his comment. He took the opportunity to look a little at your breasts, and noticed you weren't wearing a bra, he liked that. There was nothing provocative about it, and you certainly weren't looking for cowboys’ attention, but he liked the fact that he could see your nipples through the fabric.

As you returned his change, your fingers brushed the hard hand of the man in front of you for a moment. “You’re coming to the rodeo tomorrow night ?”.

His question surprised you but without hesitation you nodded, “Ash’ will probably come with me”, he sighed and nodded as you gave him a smirk. “See you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah... have a good day Rhett” you replied in a soft voice.

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Rhett had slept horribly and was tired the night of the rodeo. He had no idea or rational explanation as to why his night had gone wrong, but hell now, he was paying the consequences. He had retrained and lost the title of winner, coming in second place. He'd been working like crazy for months to keep that damn prize and now, in a matter of seconds, all those dreams had gone up in smoke. With the money from rodeos and contests, he was trying to raise a certain amount of money to get out of this rotten town once and for all. Between his father, who was becoming more and more unbearable -even execrable with him- and his brother, desperately waiting for his wife's return without doing anything else, he couldn't take it anymore.

He dreamed of escaping this rat hole, starting all over again and trying to be happy. The reason that stopped or he should say slowed him from leaving was his niece Amy, he didn't want to leave her alone in a family that was falling apart. But he realized by now that he'd never be important enough to tighten the bonds. And now, with tonight's loss, he was even further from his goal. Always one step forward but three steps back huh ? Rhett sighed as he leaned against a post behind him, he had left the track quickly after seeing his score in order to reach the area reserved for participants. The best idea was to wait long enough for his family to return to the ranch, not feeling up to facing his father again tonight. He wiped his hands thinking about what he was going to do. He could go to the bar. But he knew that if he let himself be tempted by a drink, he'd end the night there, or worse in cell. The rage bubbling up inside him was becoming more and more difficult to control, and even more so when he let himself be carried away by the effects of alcohol.

The young cowboy raised his head and looked around, spotting in the distance the man who now held his winning title. He couldn't help but feel a little jealous, anyway he quickly banished the feeling before he would do something he might regret after. Around him, other participants and organizers were chatting, but he didn't had the strength to join them. He preferred not to stir up the pity of some or the mockery of others. But just when he thought the night couldn't get any worse, he heard an all-too annoying voice in the distance, and without even glancing towards it, he knew Ashley was coming to disturb him. He straightened up, putting his hat back on properly before setting his eyes on the blonde who was about to disturb him for far too long.

“Sorry Rhett for your defeat...” began Ashley, addressing him with a pout. “You'll do better next time !” he looked at her for a second but his gaze quickly fell on you.

You were moving silently towards the duo, and the man couldn't help noticing your attire. If your father saw how short your dress was, it would certainly give him a heart attack. He let his eyes wander from your old boots to your cleavage, a little too pronounced for his taste. He shook his head before addressing the girl in front of him, who was already looking at him with a smirk. “Did you dress her like that ?”.

“I thought it would please you, all doll up just for you. I mean you’re the one who wanted her to come, wasn't it ?” she teased.

So you talked to her about it ? Interesting. He didn't add anything since you arrived next to your friend, “They didn’t got any sweet popcorn left Ash’”. The blonde placed one of her arm around your shoulders, assuring you it was no big deal, as Rhett gave you a nod.

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As usual Ashley monopolized the conversation and asked Rhett a whole bunch of stupid questions. You watched the exchange without paying too much attention, until you cut your friend off “Isn't that Arthur over there ?”.

Without waiting another second, she turned her head and her eyes opened a little wider. She ran a hand through her hair, trying to create some volume. You couldn't help laughing as she asked you in a panic to check that her make-up was intact. The man beside you watched the scene a little indifferent, hoping Ashley would go away for good and quickly. The blonde then kissed you on both cheeks before winking at the cowboy, trotting off towards the famous Arthur a little further on. Once he got rid of your friend, he moved a little closer to you, filling the empty space between you.

“Like that she'll stop bothering you.” You explained, raising your head to look at him.

A smirk slowly formed, “Did she ask you to wear that ?”. He didn't even have to say anything, you knew he was talking about the dress.

“Tell me about it,” you sighed. “I'm doing it to please her, don't think I like walking around like that in the middle of a rodeo.” He hummed as you continued, “She's nice, you know. If you gave her a chance, you'd see she's not all bad. And since... well- you know-”

“ -yes ”

“She's very considerate of me.” Rhett had more the impression you were trying to convince yourself but said nothing about it. After a silence you added, “Plus her guys stories are funny, so that keeps me busy a bit.”

He laughed softly and leaned a little closer to you, letting his gaze slide over your breasts. From where he was, he could see a small part of them, but above all he could see that you were still not wearing a bra. Damn. He did, however, notice a thin necklace with a cross. “I didn't know you went to church.”

You lowered your head, grabbing your necklace to look at it He couldn't help smiling tenderly at you. “Yes, I've been back a few times since... well, you know. It helps a little.”

“You seem to be doing better, you manage ?” in his voice you could heard concern.

“Yeah, don't worry-”

“-are you sure ?” you looked at him puzzled. Rhett had always been kind to you, but he never really cared. “I mean, I guess it's hard when you lose your mother. But when I see you dressed like-”

Your dry laugh cut him off. Was he serious ? “I beg your pardon ?”

Your name came out softly, almost like a prayer from his mouth, “You understood what I meant-”

“-well not exactly. First you criticize Ashley and now the way I dress is a problem ? No way.” Anger was slowly building up inside you, his comment had hit you right in the heart. As if the length of your dress had anything to do with how you deal with grief. “Before you question certain things, maybe work on yourself a bit. I find it cheeky of you to criticize Ash’ when you haven't even checked up on me. She may not be the most perfect friend, but at least she makes sure I'm okay.”

You stared at him, eyebrows furrowed, waiting for an answer even though you didn't really care about what he could add. But something deep inside forced you to stay in front of him. Rhett was confused and didn't know what to do. He didn't want to upset you any more than you already were but wanted to express his idea properly. And he couldn’t pretend that seeing you all worked up because if him was kind of exciting. He knew he shouldn’t like that but god, you were so cute when you were mad. “I don't doubt that she's a good friend in your eyes but imagine for two seconds if I wasn't here.”

You rolled your eyes as you crossed your arms, who do he thinks he is ? “What are you talking about ?”.

Rhett gulped, your movement caused your breasts to rise, exposing them a little more to his eyes. Trying to compose himself, he quickly resumed, “She just left you to fuck Arthur or whoever. Can you imagine being alone, here at this hour ? I don't doubt your ability to tell a guy to fuck off. But let me doubt on your ability to stand up for yourself with three drunken cowboys.” He watched carefully your reaction then realized quickly you were going to retort again. He dropped your glare and picked up his jacket before handing it to you not wanting to cause a scene. “Now you put this on and I'll take you home.”

You lowered your arms, accepting defeat, and put on the jacket sighing as you started walking away. The image of you in his jacket made him feel possessive. He liked it. The cowboy behind you shook his head, catching you quickly before you went too far into the night. He arrived in front of his truck but didn't even had time to open the door for you before you rushed into the vehicle, not forgetting to slam the door behind you. The man sighed in annoyance and climbed behind the wheel. Turning on the engine, he turned his head towards you in an attempt to calm your anger, but froze when he saw a tear roll down your cheek. You quickly wiped it away, letting out a sniff before turning your head towards the window.

He called your name, but you didn't answer. Hesitantly, he laid a hand on your shoulder to comfort you, if you could call it that. After a moment, you let yourself be carried away and broke down in front of him, curling into yourself and letting your sobs echo in the car. Rhett rushed to pull you against him but you gently pushed him away. However, he left you no choice and took you in his arms, encircling your trembling body and resting his chin on the top of your head, waiting patiently for you to calm down.

A few minutes passed and you straightened up in your seat. Running a hand over your face, Rhett looked at you intently, not wanting to rush you. Deep down he liked being the only one seeing you that weak. “I'm sorry...”

“You don't have to apologize, I shouldn't have mentioned your-”

“I'm not talking about my mother. That's not why I'm crying.” You cut him off but your explanation confused him more than anything else. You turned your body towards him, looking at him, tilting your head against the seat. “I'm crying because you're right and it’s getting on my nerves. It's stupid to wear a dress that short just to please Ashley. It's just...”

He brought a hand to your cheek, caressing it gently, inviting you to continue. He was right and you were wrong. His gesture was delicate. In no way did he wanted to make you feel uncomfortable or hurt your feelings. He just wanted to make you feel better. Seeing you cry had made his heart ache, and when you looked up at him with your puffy red eyes he wanted to take you back in his arms.

“I'm sick of everything. I miss my mom, my dad's been drinking all the time since she died, the people in this town make me go slightly mad,... I just want to live my life but everywhere I go people see me as the poor kid who lost her mom. I'm tired of being pitied.”

“You're not pitied. People just try to be nice but they don't realize how heavy it is.” He pressed your cheek lightly trying to comfort you.

You rolled your eyes and broke the contact between you, moving closer to the door. He didn't like this, but he couldn't say anything. “Even at Church people act like I'm lost and-” you interrupted yourself, sighing for the umpteenth time, ”I don't even know why I keep going there to be honest. My mother was an adherent, that's probably why. I don't know...”

You turned your head towards Rhett again, he was still looking at you and seemed to be really listening to what you were saying. Realizing that you must be annoying him more than anything else, you closed your eyes. “Sorry to bother you with all this, you've certainly got better things to do than listen to me complain.”

He was shaking his head even though you couldn't see him, moving a little closer to you. “Nah, nah no worries. Go on.”

Your eyes reopened as you felt the touch of his hand on your thigh. Suddenly looking into his eyes seemed far too difficult. Your gaze remained fixed on his veiny hand. “I thought if I went out tonight I'd be able to think about something else. Then Ashley made me wear this stupid dress because she said you'd like it or something.”

Without realizing it, he'd tightened his grip on you as he listened, “Why should I care ? Did you talk to her about something ?”. His voice was much huskier than before, and it was as if he was implying something. Even if he didn't like seeing you dressed in such short clothes at the rodeo, he had to admit that made you look rather sexy. To be honest, the idea that others might have seen you in his company -dressed like that- with his jacket over your shoulders, excited him greatly.

You straightened up again, realizing your sudden closeness. You didn't dare look at him in the eye, but you felt his gaze. Suddenly you felt a wave of warmth wash over your whole body. “I just told her you'd asked me if I was coming and- well, she started making up stories. You know Ash’, no big deal...”

Rhett let go of your thigh but didn't pull away, humming once more as he looked out of the car window. It had been dark for a while, but he noticed that a light fog was beginning to form, making it difficult to see what was going on outside. You raised your head without looking directly at him as a silence settled between you, “What are you thinking about ?”.

“Are you feeling better ?”

You didn't hold back your laugh, “That's not the answer to my question-”

“Answer my question first and maybe I'll answer yours.” he asserted authoritatively. You looked at him, disturbed by his sudden change of mood. Your eyebrows furrowed as he glanced at you, still preoccupied with what might be going on outside.

“Yes...” You began softly, but your voice broke slightly, so you cleared your throat and resumed, “Yes, I'm feeling better. Thanks for listening. I just needed to... say it all out loud, I guess ?”

He finally turned his head towards you and was now looking straight into your eyes. You gulped, looking away. You were all quiet. He didn't answer and continued to look at you, a satisfied smile forming on his lips as he watched you intently. Suddenly you felt so small next to him, something in his eyes had changed but you couldn't say what. “Is it about the rodeo ? I'm sure you'll do better next time, I'm not worried about you.”

“Nah it's not about the rodeo. It's darker than the rodeo.”

“Darker than the rodeo ?” You were completely lost and felt a strange sensation forming in your lower belly. Suddenly, it seemed much too hot in the truck. You felt your face grow warm at the sight of the man in front of you.

“Darker than death.” He moved closer to you as you watched his every move. “Are you sure you're feeling better ? I'd hate to rush you.” God knows how he doesn’t care ‘bout that.

He was so close you could smell his perfume. Forming a sentence seemed impossible, you couldn't think straight. Naturally, your body recoiled but you were already against the car door. Your breathing quickened as Rhett took off his hat and put it behind him. Your name escaped his mouth in a whisper, “Answer my question.”

You nodded without taking your eyes off him as he continued to move towards your face. When your noses touched, you let out a shaking sigh that made the cowboy laugh slightly “Would you like me to help you think of something else ?”

“Please...” That's all it took before he crushed his lips to yours. A cry of surprise escaped you as Rhett pulled you against him, he lifted you and with ease placed you on his lap. Your hands went to his torso, then his shoulders, before finding their place at the nape of his neck. The cowboy slid his tongue against your lip, asking for access to your mouth.

You let him as he tightened his grip on your hips. Quickly, one of his hands slid along your back before abruptly grabbing the back of your neck.

“Jesus !” You whispered as you stopped kissing him, his grip was hard but not hurtful.

“He's not coming to help you, sugar.” The young man smiled before sliding the hand that had been at the nape of your neck down to your throat. He found your necklace and played with it a little, “It’s not your mother's, right ?” you shook your head, assuring him that it wasn't. Then without any warning, he yanked it off you. A cry of surprise escaped your throat as he looked at you with his trusty smirk.

“Rhett !”

“What ?” You shook your head, biting your lip at his reaction but he ran his thumb over your bottom lip to stop you, “Don't hurt yourself, please.” His eyes were so soft and gentle on you but his thoughts were the complete opposite. Without giving you time to reply, he captured your lips again in a fiery kiss.

His hands delicately caressed your back as he kissed your neck, you couldn't hold back your moans any longer. Your whimpers sounded like music to the cowboy's ears. He pressed you against him, holding you firmly with his rough hands before moving both your bodies to lie on the bench. Now on top of you, he attacked your cleavage, leaving a trail of wet kisses on your boiling skin. He continues to move his mouth over your body, his lips and tongue tracing every curve and contour. His hands followed, exploding and touching every inch of you. Your hands found his hair, which you gently tugged on without trying to pull him away. It felt so fucking good. You couldn't think about anything else except the sensation of his thin lips on your skin. He pulled at your dress, letting one of your breasts slip out and took it into his mouth. As he sucked on your nipple, nibbling lightly, you moaned loudly.

“Shhh baby. You don't want the others to hear you.” You couldn't answer him, too absorbed with the different emotions consuming you. Seeing you that flustered for him made him want to fuck you all night long. You nodded as he took your other breast in his hand, massaging it sensually, and never taking his eyes off you. “Naughty girl. You're not even wearing a bra, are you doing this so I can see your nipples through your dress ? So I can see how much I turn you on huh ?”

You bite your lip, closing your eyes as he let go of your breasts, sliding gently down your body. He lifted the bottom of your dress and poked his head underneath. Soon you felt his breath against your inner thigh, making you tremble. With his big hands, he grabbed both of your thighs to stop you from moving. Once held in place, you could hear him laugh as he saw the wet spot on your panties, your pussy was that soaked just for him. His name rolled off your tongue, but he didn't stop, smelling your arousal. Delicately, so as not to hurt you, he bit down on your panties, grabbed them and pulled them off. Once he'd removed the piece of fabric, he observed your unveiled intimacy. He could see how wet you were and ran his tongue over his lip before placing a tender kiss on your crotch, signaling that he was going to take care of you. Which made you feel a wave of heat.

As he placed another kiss on your clit, you almost let yourself melt back onto the bench. You had sex before, but something about Rhett turned you on even more. You couldn't see him but could imagine the gleam of desire in his eyes. He was licking your intimacy like a hungry cat, his tongue tender and warm against you. He savored every second, his nose pressed against your clit as he let his tongue burrow deeper into you. He sucked all your juices making you moan more. No longer able to control your body, you closed your legs over his head. He grunted in displeasure, causing vibrations against your pussy that made you moan louder. He tightened his grip on your thighs and spread them further apart, then continue eating your dripping pussy.

Without a warning you felt yourself coming, you tried to straighten up by pulling a little more on Rhett's hair, but he placed one of his hands on your stomach to hold you in place. He said something without drawing away from your pussy without understanding what he was saying, and once again you felt vibrations throughout your body. You felt him smirked against your core as you struggled. You were breathing harder and harder, but when he started to play with your clit with the hand on your stomach, your breath almost stopped. It became jerkier. You were hot, very hot. Then you closed your eyes and let the man between your legs handle the situation. Bringing your hand to your mouth to try and disguise the few whimpers escaping from your mouth, you felt yourself coming soon.

Your hips lifted slightly from time to time to encourage him to continue, to go deeper. Suddenly you came, moaning against your hand as Rhett licked your juices as if he hadn't had enough. Your legs trembled and you felt your eyes moisten. As you tried to recover from your emotions, the man between your legs kissed your crotch one last time before moving up to your face. He kissed your lips as you could taste yourself. He wasted no time in removing your dress, pulling it over your head. Revealing the rest of your naked body, without taking his eyes off you he let his veiny hand slide down your legs to remove your panties once and for all, throwing them in his jeans pocket. And as you struggled to remove your boots, you watched him take off his shirt.

That's when you realized you were completely naked in front of him, even though he had taken off his top. You fold your legs and try to hide your breasts with your arms. It was as if he'd heard you, without further ado he removed his jeans, leaving him in just his boxers in front of you. You could see his erection, which made you smile anxiously. You let your hand go to his last garment as it settled back over your still trembling body. Your fingers played with the elastic of his underwear, but he stopped you by shaking his head.

“You're sure ?” you kissed him. “Good because every time I see your pretty face I want to fuck you hard.” With that he kissed you even more savagely, you pulled him by the nape of his neck wanting to feel him even closer. He let himself fall onto your body as his knee spread your legs. Again, your hands grabbed his boxers, moaning into his mouth as you slid the clothe down his thighs as he managed to pull it off.

“Do you want me to suck you ?” You asked in an almost innocent voice, he suddenly stopped in his movements to look at you with tenderness. You straightened up on your elbows looking at him through your lashes, waiting for his answer. It was exactly like in his imagination. You were there, just underneath him all naked. Almost begging for it. But he needed to wait.

“I don't think I can take it if you do. Let me fuck you first.” With that you nodded, letting yourself slide a little further onto the bench. He reached into the glove box and pulled out a condom. He tore off the wrapping with his teeth before taking it out. You took it from his hands, straightened up again and for the first time laid eyes on his cock. Fuck. Rhett was big. His penis was thick and veiny, and not just because of the erection. You remained frozen on his intimacy for a few moments. He laughed at your reaction before placing a kiss on your forehead and taking your wrist in his big hand. “You wanna stop doll ?”

“No ! I mean... no please.” You were far too excited at the sight of his erect member, you definitely didn't want to stop. When you thought back to the way he'd eaten your pussy, you could only wait impatiently to feel his full length inside you.

“Alright baby...” he took the condom from your hand and put it on before placing himself at your entrance. He placed one of his hands on your hip to hold you while the other allowed him to hold himself pressed down so as not to crush you. He licked his lips and entered you hard, making you lie back against the bench fast. A moan escaped your mouth as the cowboy began thrusting in your tight and wet pussy. He was so fucking big. He slammed into you with no mercy. You were already seeing stars while he was still slow. You clung to his shoulders feeling his pace quicken, “You like that ?”.

You nodded as you closed your eyes, feeling your orgasm coming already. Your hand gripped his bicep as he lowered his head to nibble your earlobe. You could feel his cock in your stomach, it was so big. With every thrust, a whimper escaped you. “If you keep making that kind of noises I'm going to cum in your pretty pussy baby,” a whine was the only answer you could give him.

He slowed a little before thrusting in harder again, “Fuck you’re so tight.” your back arched as you groaned loudly. You cried loudly and begged for him to continue. His thrusts were hard and you wanted more. The fire inside, your burning desire grew even more. Your hips tried to move to his rhythm, but he was too abrupt for you to imitate. “Feels like your pussy has been made for me.” He growled. Your nails scratched his back as he nibbled the skin of your neck, enough to leave a mark tomorrow morning. “All innocent in your little white dress. You wore it for me ?”

You nodded with difficulty, and he laughed darkly. “Use your words, doll” he added, penetrating you hard which took your breath away, preventing you from gathering enough air to form even a word.

“I- Jesus! y-yes...”

“Fuck,” he groaned, “You’re close ?”

You hummed, but it wasn't enough for him. He lifted one of your legs and placed it on his shoulder, allowing him to fuck you even deeper. His hands gripped and pushed on you. You moaned so loudly that you put your hand back over your mouth to shut up. He remove your hand by grabbing your wrist, continuing to penetrate you hard. “Answer me.” his tone was almost as harsh as the way he was treating you. He fucked you like an animal.

“Do you like it when I fuck you hard ?” you nodded as tears of pleasure escaped your eyes. “Attagirl.”

Just when you thought it couldn't get any more euphoric, Rhett began nibbling your nipple once more. It was too much for you. You wrapped your other leg around his pelvis to pull him even closer to you. You had the vital need to feel him even deeper inside you.

“Rhett- please... Please !” you whined. He looked down at you with a growl, he shook his head at your mess. Desperate, you were unsure of what you were begging for anymore. Losing track of your time, you didn’t even knew for how long you were in that fucking truck.

You were biting your tongue when suddenly you felt he was hitting the right spot. He was deep inside you. You let yourself slide but he caught you with his big arms, holding you against him. He straightened both your bodies, forcing you into a new position. Giving him more access to fuck you hard. You could feel his whole cock inside you, his balls were hitting hard against your skin. You couldn't take it anymore; you were going to fucking cum. You looked briefly at him, his eyes were focusing on the view of his cock harshly coming in and out your pussy. His brows were furrowed because of his concentration.

“Fuck ! Yes, yes, yes just there ! Please Rhett just- yeah just there...” the tears that flowed prevented you from seeing properly. He kept you close to his body, almost not letting his dick out anymore. Enjoying your inside too much he wanted to make you cum very soon. Feeling your wet and tight hole, stretching just for him made him consider taking off the condom but he resisted.

Rhett kissed you one last time and without you seeing it coming you let yourself be carried away and your cum ran down the length of his cock. You let out a moan that echoed through the truck as he could feel your hot cum dripping onto his balls. You tried to catch your breath but couldn't get over your orgasm. You kept moving your hips a little so Rhett could cum too, but he put your leg back, holding your hips. As he immobilized you, you let out a few whines of pleasure. He came out of your pussy, letting out a pop. Then he'd slide off before resting his head on your sweaty belly.

“Rhett-”

“-baby rest a bit. I’m not finished with you yet.” He felt your body trembling at his words. Now that he'd fucked you and made you cum, it was time for him to use you to his needs. It was even better than in his dreams. He knew you weren't going to be able to take it all, so he preferred to give you some time to rest before he began to do what he wanted with you.

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