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alloftheimaginesblog · 11 months

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can't get you {sirius black}

requested by anon: Post!Azkaban Sirius except he absolutely refuses to go outside in the cold no matter how many jackets he has on bc it reminds him of the dementors in Azkaban and reader helps him work through it.

character: sirius black x reader

Even now five years after his escape from Azkaban, Sirius Black still struggled in his day-to-day life. Nightmares were still a regular occurrence for him as much as he tried to pretend they weren't. Each and every night Sirius would toss and turn, waking you up from your own sleep, and would end up leaping up panting and body shimmering in a cold sweat. He let you help him, let you hold him and let himself break down in the crook of your neck but to everyone else, he was fine; no nightmares, no PTSD, no trauma, no nothing.

There was one thing Sirius hadn't told you about his struggles. One thing he deemed silly and hardly necessary. He didn't want you to think he was weak so he hid it for as long as he could, always having an excuse up his sleeve until one day, his secret came out.

Sirius Black had a fear of the cold weather.

The fear didn't develop for a few years. One day it just... happened. He had been out with you one day, arms bare in the cool Autumn breeze, and all of a sudden the cool seeped into him, cooling down not only his skin but his blood, his organs, his everything. His breath had caught in his throat as his heart hammered. There was a ringing in his ears as his head whipped around - he was looking for it; looking for the Dementor. Why else would his whole body feel cold and dull? Why else would he be chilled to the bone? Yet, there was nothing. He was safe. You'd asked if he was okay, warm hand on his cool cheek which snapped him back to life.

The following day he had put on a jumper and a jacket, believing he had just made a poor outfit choice, but even then the cold crept into his chest like the tendrils of the Dementors and he couldn't... He couldn't face it.

So, he always made up a lie or an excuse to not face the cold.

"Head's quite sore today, love, I'd rather not."

"Moony's going to come here instead, easier that way."

"I don't feel like going out today."

Until one day when he had came out with you during spring time. The last three days had been temperatures of almost twenty degrees Celsius, positively lovely outside, so he had ventured out with you. At first, the weather was lovely with the sun splitting the sky but after lunch, things took a turn.

You were excitedly pulling Sirius down the street to bring him to the new vinyl record shop that had opened up when all of a sudden, he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Come on, Sirius," you grinned, turning back but quickly, your face fell as you saw his expression. His eyes were glazed over as he stared through you. The cold crept in, taking over his body and freezing him in place. He looked horrified at something but he wouldn't respond to you asking him if he was okay. You walked towards him, repeating his name a few times but still, no answer. Sirius's eyes closed, that ringing in his ears was back and he felt like he was under water; sinking to the depths of a freezing cold ocean, unable to hear and unable to breathe.

"Sirius!" You cried out, planting your warm hands on his cheeks and forcing his head to tilt to yours.

Warmth. Sirius could feel it, slowly defrosting him from the outside to the inside. He suddenly could swim, pushing himself up and away from the black tendrils of the Dementors that wanted so desperately to drown him. He swam upwards and managed to break the surface-

"C-Cold!" He spluttered out, choking as he gulped air into his lungs but the air was cold and it wasn't helping. He was beginning to panic, "So-So cold!"

"Here," you said as you hurriedly pulled your jacket off, draping it around his shoulders. You pulled it tight around him but he was babbling about it not being enough, that it was still too cold. Your attempts to rub his shoulders, trying to get heat into him was futile and you could tell he was panicking. You had to get him somewhere safe and somewhere warm.

"Come on," you grabbed his hand, which helped to ground him a little bit with your warmth, "it's not far. Can you walk?" Sirius nodded but he only managed to get about 100 yards before he froze again.

His head was whipping around wildly, "They-They're coming!" He hissed. Passers-by gave him odd glances, "(y/n), they're going to get me!"

"Who, Sirius?" You asked desperately trying to continue dragging him down the street. Grimmauld Place was another two hundred or so yards away, "Who's going to get you?"

"The... The- The Dementors." His voice was a strangled hiss as he looked at you, a crazed panic in his eyes.

You involuntary gave a small gasp, "Oh, Sirius," you whispered as your eyes flooded with tears, "they can't get you. They won't get you." You had no idea Sirius was affected this much. Of course you knew about his nightmares but he always seemed so... fine? But as you looked at him, trying to console him, you realised that maybe this is why he didn't like going out much. It was cold... like the Dementors. It all made sense. Your heart ached for him as you looked at his scared face, "Hey," you said strongly forcing yourself to be brave for him. He needed you to be strong, he needed you to be his strength in his moment of weakness. Again, you planted your hands on his cheeks, "you feel that? You feel how warm my hands are? Sirius, answer me." Sirius nodded, blinking a few times as though coming back to himself, "You're safe, Sirius. You're with me and the Dementors can't get you here. They're gone, not coming back for you. I know that you're cold but that doesn't mean they're coming to get you... They can't get you, Sirius, you hear me? You're safe."

He nodded and you gently took his hand and tugged him, "We need to get you home, Sirius. We'll put the fire on, get a blanket, some tea... We'll get you warmed up, okay?" He nodded again, "I need you to walk Sirius. I know you're cold and I know you're scared, I see how scared you are, baby, but I need you to trust me okay?"

His lip wobbled and his eyes filled with tears but he softly whispered, "O-Okay, I trust you." God you wanted to break down into tears but you couldn't, not yet. You had to get him home, make sure he warmed up and calmed down. You had to protect him. He staggered and stumbled but he allowed you to pull him to Grimmauld Place. He managed okay but around the half way mark, he started to pull away from him.

"Sirius, you're okay," you said, slightly breathless as you wrestled to hold his hands, "I promise you they're not coming to get you. You're safe. I've got you, Sirius. You are safe." This settled him until you got him into Grimmauld Place, shoving him through the door and locking it quickly behind you, "Kreacher!" You screeched loudly. A crack behind you signalled Kreacher's arrival, "Make us tea please, quickly. Oh and put some chocolate on the tray too." Kreacher grumbled something before he apparated to the kitchen to get it sorted, probably an insult but you didn't care.

Quickly, you bundled Sirius onto the couch, grabbing the blankets from the chairs and wrapping him up into them. He was chittering, eyes squeezed shut. With your wand, you sent a fireball into the fireplace which immediately set the logs into an orange blaze. You wrapped yourself around Sirius, pressing your warm cheeks against his cool ones, "You're safe," you repeated over and over, "they can't get you in here, you hear me? You're safe. I've got you, Sirius. I've got you, not them, just me. It's just me and you," a crack sounded, "and Kreacher. That's it." He placed the tray of tea on the coffee table, "I promise you, Sirius Black, they will never hurt you again."

You continued to murmur warm words of comfort to him and slowly, he began to defrost. His body wasn't so rigid and his skin wasn't so cold anymore. He opened his eyes, blinking a few times from the brightness, "I'm safe?" He said hoarsely.

You nodded furiously, "The house has so many protection spells on it from Remus and Minerva and even Albus himself. The Dementors aren't after you, they're not going to get you. If they tried it, I'd send them to hell, Sirius. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, I promise you." You pressed a warm kiss to his forehead, "You are safe, I promise."

You peeled away from him to pick up a mug of tea, "Here," you said forcing his hands to wrap around it, "drink, you'll feel better. Oh, and eat this," you said, grabbing a chocolate from the tray, "open up." Sirius complied with the tiniest of smiles and ate the chocolate. Remus was right, chocolate always helped.

You stayed beside him as he sipped the tea. Once he was finished, you took the mug and wrapped yourself back around him, "How do you feel?" You asked quietly.

"Warm," he said with a chuckle. He was slowly coming back to you, "but I'm not ready to take anything off yet. I want to be warm for a while."

You nodded, "That's fine with me," you said, kissing his forehead again, "we'll just be warm today. No plans, just warmth."

#sirius black x reader #sirius black imagine #imagine #sirius black #sirius black x you #sirius black one shot #one shot #os #harry potter one shot #harry potter #hp imagine #hp #reader insert #padfoot

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rius-cave · 8 days

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I just saw you mention Adam having PTSD from the exterminations and honestly it's so valid. He did enjoy doing them, he did have fun, yes, but I firmly believe he started it because of his unprocessed trauma that he wasn't even aware of. I mean, I see the way he's masking himself (literally and figuratively) as a way of protecting himself from people. Back when he was "born" he was literally rejected and betrayed by the very people he supposedly loved and who were supposed to love him, then he was practically abandoned and thrown out of Eden by the same people who mentally harmed him in the first place. This guy is badly damaged and no one can convince me otherwise. And he was damaged from the start so he couldn't possibly realize that something was very not okay because these were the very first people he knew. And we all know pushing down our feelings and ignoring them comes with concequences. In his case, the frustration manifested in violence, on top of that violence against his own descendants who chose the wrong path, who had tainted humanity with their acts. He also probably connects them with Lilith and Lucifer who caused it in the first place, bringing evil to the earth. I also love to consider the extermination as a form of personal revenge on Adam's side, since he isn't able to carry out a direct revenge it serves as one for him.

But he knows it's wrong. He knows either way that what he's doing is bad and cruel, and even if he actively avoids admitting that to himself, he subconsciously knows.

Then he gets to Hell. He most likely only used to visit Hell during exterminations, which means his brain most likely strongly connects the place with that. Hence, being in Hell is a constant reminder for him. On top of that, he actually sees what life is like in Hell. That all those "bad bad sinners who can't change and tainted humanity" aren't all bad actually. And perhaps he doesn't care about them, but I don't think he could just ignore that. He has to live among them, he sees the way they live and he's forced to realize that they're still human souls and not pure evil and rotten. It will add to the guilt which he probably also doesn't admit that he feels, because he didn't do anything wrong, right..? Everything was reasonable... But then why does it feel so bad?

Okay this turned our very very long but it just hit me and I could still go on about it lol, I'll spare you from that

First of all, thank you anon for putting into words this thing that I'm not smart enough to do myself.

I really wouldn't dare to say that "canon" Adam is this deep and has oh such big trauma and is only misunderstood by everyone and bla bla, because if I'm honest, the way he's written in the show doesn't lead me to believe that Vivzie really cares about fleshing him out to be a super complex character. And hey, fair enough, I'm taking him from her anyway lol.

But if if we stopped for a second to think about it, Adam definitely has the potential to be a much deeper and complex character that would be able to touch upon themes like this. I desperately need to know when did everything go wrong, was it really Eden? Was it during his time on Earth? Was it after he died???

I honestly think it's kind of a mix of all of them, but the biggest shift was after he died. He was the first human soul in Heaven, hey, it's not so bad in here!! Maybe his suffering on Earth was worth it after all if he was able to spend the rest of Eternity in a place like this! Now he just needs to wait for his family to get there as well so it can all be complete!

Except they don't, not all of them in fact. A couple of his sons, maybe or maybe not his wife, but it's definitely not ALL of them, where is everybody!? He's pretty sure his grandchildren would start aging by now too, where did everybody go!?

Of course, that asshole has them. It wasn't enough for him to steal his first wife and lie to them so they'd get kicked out of Eden, he also took a bunch of his children, his grandchildren, his great grandchildren and so on and so on.

Look at everything they do on Earth, it's disgusting, and it's all that fucker's fault. None of this would've happened if it wasn't for him, if it wasn't for the other sinners who kept repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

And he starts the exterminations after centuries of wallowing in that hatred. But of course, they're only the result of years of watching how everyone just eventually leaves him. And he doesn't realize when that violence starts becoming just a way to cope with his intense hurt.

I feel like I went a little off track there, forgive me I am a little scatterbrained right now. But in any case, I absolutely concur with you!

#hazbin hotel #adam #ask

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aleksanderscult · 6 months

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I loved your analysis! Can you analyse the (barely there, not enough) Darklina scenes from the KOS duology? I could not rationalize some of what was going on there.

First of all, I'm so sorry for taking that long to reply, anon! (Hasn't it been over two weeks since you send this or what??😭😭)

Second, thank you so much for your kind words! 💗💗

Third, you and I both friend 🤝🤝

'Cause honestly I didn't know what the fuck was happening in that interaction too 😭

I'll actually analyze the only Darklina scene we got in RoW. But if you want another one too, just send me an ask!

So! Let's dive in and analyze that hot mess, shall we?

(note: I had to go back and read this scene very carefully in order to understand what the actual fuck they were saying💀)

⚠️TW!: PTSD, trauma⚠️

The way he's so obedient with her even in this life 😭

If somebody else had ordered him to do that, he wouldn't obey. But Alina? Alina is a different story and this is the first time he hears her voice since his death in R&R.

'Any little victory'

Uhh....okay...??

You made him wipe his feet. I'm.... impressed??

(confusion levels 📉)

LMAO MY BOY WOKE UP AND CHOSE VIOLENCE

I always believed that the dynamic between Aleksander and Alina involves lots of teasing. But not in the fun sense. But in the sense of "I'm getting under your skin. My words to you sting".

And that's what the Darkling does here too. He's a prisoner. Their prisoner. So he tries to gain the upper hand by using his wits, his past with Alina and the latter's trauma against her to get even.

Pretty clever, huh?

See what I mean?

He tries to weaken her confidence and it's interesting that back in Keramzin he also tried to get even (and he did) by killing her mother figure.

Aleksander: "Wanna fuck with me? Wanna mess with me? How about that time when I burnt that orphanage and killed your "mother"?"

*Alina's sure confidence is gone and now the Darkling has the upper hand in her feelings*

OUTSTANDING MOVE 👌

Excuse me, Misha? Who the Hell gave you the permission to interrupt or talk at all??

Also, do you really expect from the Darkling to remember a little boy while he was too busy trying to rule a nation, win a war and persuade Alina to join him?

And if you also expect him to remember you from that time when Baghra went out to confront her son while you escorted her, then you're also wrong. 'Cause he was too busy being furious that his mother sided and helped the opposite side and too busy being distraught because he was watching her fall to her death.

You're not important, son.

Sit down.

LMAO THIS IS SO HILARIOUS

Misha you're still an infant. Please shut up.

I honestly liked him in the Grisha Trilogy (I found him a cutie) but now I want to slap him and everyone else in this duology except Aleksander

The Darkling has survived numerous murdering attempts against him. He was finally killed by Alina not because of some grand display of her powers but because the former was so heartbroken by Alina's fate (and his own because he would be alone) that he just gave up on his life. Basically he committed suicide.

Misha, you wouldn't be able to kill him even now that he's powerless and in chains. Probably you would stumble and fall in the effort or smth.

Uhh actually no, Mal.

Threating him only makes you sound like idiots, honestly.

Also, since when did Mal gained ✨wisdom✨?

Wasn't he the hot-tempered one in the trilogy who always got angry with the mere mention of the Darkling? And the one who wanted to kill him as well?

Alina, you know damn well what his name is.

Honestly, I think she didn't say it because she wanted to respect the fact that he trusted her to keep it.

And I agree that Yuri is a horrible name for him. Makes him seem like a fisherman 😭

Meanwhile Alina in S&B:

So either Bardugo kinda forgot these scenes or we're led to believe that these scenes weren't her being happy, but we thought she was happy.

(me casually ignoring that theory because I choose to believe only the things that MAKE SENSE)

The fact that Bardugo made Alina believe that she was unhappy when she was whole with her powers and surrounded by people like her but totally happy now that she has no powers (a part of her soul actually) and living with a man that slut-shamed her in a toxic, childhood place is umm... yeah. Not good.

So basically:

Aleksander: "You look different. You look like shit. What the fuck did they do to you? This is not you"

Alina: "No bro I'm happy now that I live in toxic conditions where the teachers mock me, Mal takes me out for a walk to forget my psychological traumas and I raise some Grisha children that will fade because they don't use their powers and some others that I probably am in no condition to raise. At least that's what the author said is happiness, bro."

Aleksander: "......."

Alina: "......"

The readers: "........."

ALEKSANDER IS HONESTLY ALL OF US FRR WITH HIS LINES

"In peace"

Yeah, having PTSD certainly is peaceful. And knowing that you abandoned your country and left its fate to chance certainly makes you sleep like a baby at night.

"We chose the life we wanted"

Alina, you didn't CHOOSE to lose your powers. And before that you didn't even know what you wanted to do with your life. It was a last minute decision for you.

"I fell pray to the same greed that drove you"

Girl, are we the only ones who did our homework??

In his POV in RoW he confirmed that he tampered with merzost in the past because he wanted to stop Ravka's wars. So as far as we know he never used power exclusively for himself.

"I paid the price for tampering with merzost"

Now hold a second. I thought that the reason Alina lost her powers is because Morozova wanted that said power to be shared by any otkazat'sya around. It wasn't that much of a punishment as much as a need for Morozova to share that power.

Unless it was..... both?

I just want a guy that will believe in me and my abilities the way Aleksander does with Alina, man 😭

He strongly believes that she could become a Queen even without her powers. And he's actually so right when he says to her that her wounds won't heal. Because no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you are alright. No matter how hard you try to persuade your mind that you're not broken, reality will always hit you. Some wounds never heal and Alina's certainly will not. She didn't lose a toy, she lost a part of her soul and witnessed many die. How the hell does she think she's suitable to raise children, when she herself is NOT okay psychologically?

"In the wake of your wars"

Excuse me. Why is the Fjerdan and Shu wars always the Darkling's fault??

"And maybe when our country is free, then that wound will close"

She sounds so brainwashed bye--

And just like I said, wounds like that never close unfortunately. It can only become more bearable with time. But not forgetable.

Ah yes. Bardugo makes us watch how cute their relationship is.

Am I supposed to take off my camera and snap pictures of them whispering with tears in my eyes: "They look so adorable"?

'Cause I won't.

The way Bardugo has made Mal unfazed by the Darkling's comments. A thing that completely contrasts his nature in the Grisha trilogy.

He also made him have "sassy" lines because we've got to like him somehow, right? 🤗

Still hate him

Basically, dear anon, the author has made Mal more "likeable", immune to the Darkling's insults, patient and witty in order for us to change our mind about him and finally like him.

(mission failed btw)

He is literally nothing like his trilogy counterpart and, if possible, she made him more annoying.

(how the hell she managed to do that, I don't know)

I just feel sorry for Aleksander who has to deal with all these jerks. If I were there, I would have helped him kill them and bury their bodies.

Because you let your heart and feelings get the better of you, Aleksander. Because you proved to be the most human of all these characters here. You let her come close. And that's what killed you.

(also, shut up Misha)

Alina, you could have said "no" to that invitation. So stop acting like they dragged you from the hair here.

"Do you think you could manage it?"

Do you, Alina? 'Cause really, what did YOU do to make the lives of Grisha better? At least he built a palace for them.

"It's not like you didn't get a fair try before. Hundreds of tries"

Yeah, and half of them failed because you got in the way. You refused to listen to him and, even if you didn't like the way he dealt with the persecution, you chose to run away (again) instead of deciding to stay and do better.

SHE DID NOT JUST SAY THAT ZOYA AND NIKOLAI COULD DO BETTER LMAO 😭😭

Zoya, the very fact that he mentioned you should feel like a badge of honor.

And yet Ravka is in its worst condition ever.

Sorry Alina but I don't see shit from them.

The fact that the Darkling keeps mentioning that he's eternal is to remind them that he has seen everything and done everything. He has more experience than they will ever have. Not to gloat about it. And yet Alina takes it as the latter.

And it's funny that Alina turns him down for the job saying he has no powers when Alina herself suffers from the same condition 😀

Finally someone with self-reflection.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING!!

PREACH!! PREACH!! 👏👏

When you have the "villain" exposing the true problem in the story, the flaws and failures while having the heroes screaming "EVERYTHING IS FINE. YOU'RE WRONG!" then you know that something is wrong.

How the Hell are they gonna provide eternal peace in Ravka and to the Grisha when:

They have no experience

They are too busy criticizing the villain instead of looking at their own flaws

They doubt themselves

(you can add to the list, guys)

And he's not shaken because he's talking with a Saint, Zoya. He's shaken because he's talking to Alina. She always had a way in getting under his skin. He said it.

"Fine. Make me your villain" fits here 'cause he never perceived himself as the bad guy but he knew that this is what others thought of him.

I think it still stung to him to know that others saw his every action in a negative light but he still kept going. And sometimes he even used it (at the end of R&R).

Alina still wants to believe that there's something redeemable inside him. Her POVs were always the "kindest" in the way they painted the Darkling.

MISHA COULD YOU PLEASE SHUT IT

What about his mother, huh??

Who, despite the abuse he suffered from her, he still cared about??

Alina?? Oh boy, he was in love with her, obsessed and gave her so many chances. Something that he almost never does unless he's desperate.

So PRETTY PLEASE STOP TALKING

Meanwhile the Darkling in R&R, chapter 11:

"I have regretted many of the things I’ve had to do in this war."

So either Bardugo forgot that or Alina did or Aleksander changed his mind.

Or (my theory) Bardugo changed his perception in order for us to feel less sympathetic towards him.

Nevertheless, at least he has a spine and knows where he stands.

And Alina wanted the Darkling to say it not for him but for her. So she can feel okay. Unless Zoya is talking bullshit.

YES ALEKSANDER WHY DIDN'T YOU LIE SO OUR HEROINES COULD FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES???!!

HOW DARE YOU?? 😠😠

He tries so hard to persuade her that the reality she lives in will not pay off anything. First off, this is not who she is or what she was meant to become and second, why does she teaches children stories that are lies? Feeding them false hope, repeating a circle that others had also been doing.

"Do you *really* believe..."

He wants to make sure that she stands by that. He just can't believe that this is her opinion. Her choice.

He just wants her to shine people!! 😭😍

"Those stories tell us the only people who matter are Kings and Queens. They're wrong"

Now tell me, Alina, which stories do YOU tell them? What do you teach them? That the world is as rosy as the orphanage they live in, where they only eat sugar and play the piano? Do you imagine what kind of reality check will those children get once they live in the real world?

And here, ladies and gentlemen, we see the Darkling having reached his limits and saying "Fuck this shit I'm out"

Congratulations, Aleksander! You survived that meeting with these buffoons and their groundless arguments!! 👏👏

Here, have this! 🏅

He saw his chance (Alina holding Mal's hand) and seized it. But I think he really meant all those questions he asked to Alina.

So, dear anon, what we have here is the villain making his effort (again) to be heard and understood. He tries to make them see his own point of view: Ravka is in serious danger and Zoya and Nikolai are in no position to protect it. He, on the other hand, can since he has more experience and balls to deal with these issues. The Darkling is no pussy. He truly makes hard decisions when he must, something that essentially all rulers must do when the situation calls for it.

But! We have the good guys silencing him and threating him (even having a little child to do the last one) in order for the reader to understand what he has left in his wake. How much pain he has caused.

Mal has gotten ✨magically✨ wiser and calmer and has actual wits to repel the Darkling's insults in order for us to get to like Mal and see how much he has changed.

Alina sounds like a brainwashed woman who is convinced that her lifestyle is great! That wanting something more (idk. a throne and changing the world maybe) is sinful and unfitting of her.

Aleksander is the only one who thinks otherwise for her, though. Thank God, I mean!

He sought Alina out both to reclaim his powers and because he just wanted to see her.

Personally, in this scene only the Darkling makes sense. The others either want to feel good about themselves by threating him or want to convince him that "Hey, we're the good ones here. We know what we're doing, okay?" and his own ways are shit.

Dear anon, if you have any other questions or want me to analyze any other Darklina scene from this book or duology that I didn't include, then just say so!

And please any others who want to add something about this scene, feel free to criticise in the comments! 💛💛

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love-toxin · 2 years

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Yandere fruity four have a whole thing where they cannot see you bleed, not after what happened in the upside down. So when you fall over playing tag with Robin and Eddie outside and get a smallish cut on your leg, all four of them go crazy. They baby you to death and back

* rubs my little rat hands together *

cws: yandere fruity four, blood, minor/major injuries, scars, !!PTSD!!, angelface has aquaphobia, mental illness, trauma flashbacks, panic attacks, choking, drowning, near-death experiences, very mild emetophobia, mild self-deprecation, post-s4, gn!reader.

One of the first days that you wake up and feel that things are back to normal is in June of 1987. The sun is coming out properly now and brightens the yard with soft, summer rays, the grass is growing in enough to start being trimmed, and it's far too warm to stay in bed for longer than an hour past your usual alarm. Indiana isn't too hot yet, so when you crack open the windows to get a breath of fresh air, you're greeted by a comfortably cool breeze that cuts the warmth radiating off the ground.

Much better than the cold and the snow that kept you inside, although that wasn't the only reason. The world beyond the Harrington's front yard is still a little too scary to breach--but you've got a good amount of space to work with, so long as you stay away from the pool and the woods around the back. It's been drained for a while now though, and Steve reassured you he has no plans to fill it back up.

That first day is a good day, it's refreshing. The next week skirts by with a stream of good things piling in; you all built up the firepit to roast marshmallows, Eddie bought a sprinkler at a garage sale, Nancy and Robin have started buying seasonal fruits and cutting them up to make little salads. There's not much you have to worry about with your new life, but there are obstacles--and you're happy to say you've overcome one when you're especially full of confidence one afternoon, and peek into the garage to ask if Eddie can bring the sprinkler out. Obviously he says yes, a smile on his face as he tugs his gloves off and rolls out from beneath the van, excitedly grabbing the hose and hooking it in so he can take it out and set it up on the front lawn.

You were planning just to run it and watch, maybe stick your hands or toes in to cool off, but Robin comes running down the stairs with a giddy grin and jumps right through it--and at her shriek of it being so cold, you and Eddie both join in to try it and end up running around on the wet grass, laughing and flicking water at each other like children. It's not terrifying like you thought it would be, and you don't immediately break down like you did the first few months of taking showers after the watergate incident. It's the first time in a long time you've been so carefree. It's been even longer since you've thought of a moment as a memory you want to keep forever, of Eddie grabbing you from behind and kissing your cheek under the cool spray, and of you and Robin holding hands and shrieking as he picks the sprinkler up and chases you with it. That feeling ends, though, when you slip on the grass and tumble to the ground with her in tow, a sharp twang of pain running up the side of your calf from nowhere.

"You guys okay?" Eddie calls out, dropping the sprinkler and walking over to where you're laid out on your back, Robin scrambling to sit up at your side like she hadn't also fallen victim to the slippery ground.

"Yeah, I'm good--just fell!" You manage a lighthearted giggle, because that pain you felt is already dull, and you're sure it was just a twig or something that scratched you.

"You're bleeding," But Robin's voice tremors, her dulled and painted nails hovering over your calf as you bend your knee to pull it up. Disbelief runs through you at first--but with a glance and a double take, you realize she's right. You've got a long, thin cut up the side of your leg, and although it's clearly too shallow to do much damage, it's deep enough for blood to pool at the surface of your skin and start trailing downwards in little rivulets. She's stiff right now, and her eyes say too much--they spell out danger, and your first instinct is to cup her cheek in your hand and try to talk her down.

"It's okay, Robbie--calm down, okay? Just breathe."

"You're bleeding...." It pains you even worse because you know exactly what she's thinking, you know the place she's at right now, and it's not gonna be pretty if she doesn't come back to earth and starts reliving all those horrible days you left behind.

"Robin, it's fine, sweetheart. It doesn't even hurt. It's not deep, you don't need to worry, I'm totally fine." She shakes her head--she can't tear her eyes away from the sight of your blood. "Remember what the doctor said? Worst thing you can do is panic? So don't panic, my love."

By the time she's struggling to keep her breaths even, Eddie's knelt down at your side to assess what he just heard. A warm, wet hand grazes your calf to take a look, and you can tell by the shuddered breath he inhales that he's trying really hard not to join Robin in freaking out.

"Let's...let's get you inside. Robin, go-"

"I-I'll get Nancy!" Her assumption is thankfully correct, and she tears off across the lawn to run up into the house, probably taking the stairs two at a time just to get to your girlfriend and boyfriend faster. Eddie sighs, and pulls your arm around his shoulders to help you up, barely letting you put any pressure on your injury as he leads you into the house. Past the front door, towards the kitchen, and helps you up to sit on the nearest chair that he pulls out for you.

"Eddie, I'm fine. Really," You gesture towards the cut--which really is more like a scrape--but you know better than to move your leg or try to get up. Sometimes, as much as you love them, your partners just won't see reason.

"I know. I know you're fine, but...but if you're not-"

"This isn't the same thing. This isn't Vecna." He shudders at the mere mention of the name, but it's the truth and you're not going to just let them flip out. To keep him from pacing, and because you hope it might help, you grab hold of his hand. Upstairs, you can hear animated chattering and then the scraping of chairs, like whoever it was that got up did so in an enormous hurry. "No clocks, no ticking, no visions. Just a cut."

Eddie nods in agreement, but you're not so easily persuaded. "Just a cut." He repeats, his other hand coming up to rub your head and carefully, sweetly stroke your hair.

"Baby!" The two of you both jump when Steve comes skidding into the room, having leapt nearly over the entire banister just to land with a thud and dash in. Nancy and Robin aren't far behind, equally as hurried as they come to crowd around you with panic-stricken looks on their faces. Steve drops to his knees at once to take a look at the cut, while Nancy peers over his head and thankfully breathes a deep sigh of relief when she sees how calm you are.

"Why are you soaked?" Are the first words that come out of her mouth, and only then does it click. Your chest tightens a little, and you feel a cloud hanging over your head, but it makes sense. It wasn't just the cut, or the blood--it's the fact that you're also drenched, your clothes clinging to your skin and your body wracked with a chill that pierces you through the bone.

That night on Lover's Lake was much the same. You'd never been much afraid of boating or swimming, but those circumstances were different--that was when you thought your alternating crushes on your friends were the most painful thing to deal with, back when you kept switching from one to another. From Eddie to Nancy to Steve to Robin and back again, wondering what the hell was wrong with you and why you were so whipped you'd join them on a dinghy in the middle of the night, just to check something out that they swore was something they could never fully explain. You just had to see it, and you'd been so determined to help them that you wouldn't be left behind.

But you did a lot more than seeing when you leaned over the side to look down at whatever 'gate' Steve had found as he clung to the edge of the boat, drenched and handsome as ever. Even though you struggled to piece your memories back together after the ordeal was over, you remember squinting your eyes at a shadow flitting under the water and praying it was just a fish. Nancy's voice had cut through the chatter to ask you what was wrong--and then your arm went under as a tendril burst out to hook around it, and Eddie's hand shot out to grab your hoodie, but you were gone before you could even scream. The boat had rocked from side to side and you heard muffled yelling, screaming of your name that you couldn't call back to. Steve's fingers had grazed your ankle in a flash to catch you as you were yanked through the murk, but even he could do nothing as you were thrust through watergate and thrown into another world, one you never would have believed in if you hadn't been forced to.

After that, you still have only bits and pieces you can recall of the ordeal. Flashes of blood and veiny wings spread out against a crimson sky are the worst, they're the visions you try to forget, especially since you associate them with some of the most biting, stinging agony you've ever felt in your life--at your hips, your legs, and your neck, all of which still bear prominent scars. Choking, you remember choking for so long, until you blinked and Steve was above you--his palms thrusting painfully into your chest, and your throat flooding with water and bile that you spat all over the ground. You remember stumbling through some overgrown forest, the flash of a bike light, cloth being pulled tight around your stomach, and being slumped over someone's back as you rode down semi-familiar streets, but that's the most you can bring to your memory. They've always told you it would be better not to try--that you don't want to remember all the horrors they encountered there. That you don't want to wake up. Wake up.

"Wake up!"

You manage to mumble out a single, incoherent word, before a chord splits through the muffled quiet of your mind and you clap your hands over your ears, bass thrumming so loud you feel like your brain's bouncing around inside your skull. It's not totally inaccurate though, because there's an ache in your neck and fingers painfully dug into your shoulders as whoever it is stops shaking you, yells for the music to be shut off, and then worriedly encourages you to open your eyes.

"Huh?" Still completely dazed, you hone in on two warm, sweet-looking brown eyes when your own blink open, before zoning back out and letting yours wander towards every angle of the room. Your head is almost lolling back, trying to get a glimpse of anything out of the ordinary--anything that would reveal that you're still in that other world, and only when you're reassured that everything's real do you look down at Steve's terrified expression. "What's...wrong? Steve?"

Even your voice feels discombobulated, you raise your hand to your neck to touch it, as if you could feel if something was wrong just by feeling it. But it drifts to his throat instead, and you run your thumb over the long scar that's still there--the one that matches yours. Steve doesn't utter a word, just stares up at you from his knees before finally managing to breathe again.

Robin and Nancy are standing over him, and you can see they're just as scared--but Eddie's gone, and before you can ask where he is, his sneakers squeal against the linoleum as he rushes back into the kitchen. In his hands, he's got a tape. The bright sticker on the side of it warns you that it's the one he carries with him everywhere, with nothing but your name written on the tracklist along with Steve's, Robin's, Nancy's, and his own.

"F..False alarm. False alarm." Nancy finally turns back and nods at him, just barely making it to one of the chairs at the table before she collapses into it in a fit of hiccups, like she's trying not to cry and just holding it all in. Robin hits the ground behind Steve and she buries her face in his back, hands clutching at his shirt while his trail down to grab each of yours. It's only in those moments that your senses really come back to you, and you feel an immense wave of guilt settle on your shoulders at what must have looked like a dire situation. You've had those flashbacks before where you've dissociated completely out of the realm of reality--but this must have been a long one, you can feel it, because your body's sore from being jostled so much and your leg is all wrapped up. You've got a towel draped around your neck. You've missed a decent chunk of time, but you're sure it felt like a lifetime for them.

"I'm sorry..." You whimper, hating their body language and their expressions and wishing you could just go back to when you were having fun--and wishing that you would just stop having these episodes already, for God's sakes.

"Don't!" Steve shakes his head, strands of perfect chestnut hair flicking to and fro as he does so. He tightens his grip and pulls your arms closer, a kiss placed on your knuckles in the hope of offering some reassurance. "Don't be sorry--you didn't do anything wrong. This was out of your control."

If Robin wasn't clinging to him, you can sense by his shoulders hunching towards you that he would be moving in for a hug--one of those warm, tight ones that crush you against his hard chest, but couldn't be a better place for you to cry into. You don't really feel the urge to, but surely once some time has passed the reality of what just happened will really hit you. The relative silence in the room is biting into you, and the shakiness of your own voice betrays that. "Are you okay?"

He nods at once, one hand finally moving away to pat Robin's thigh. "Yeah. Little shaky, but I'm okay. You okay, Rob?"

"I'm fine. Just...almost passed out." Robin's voice is muffled in Steve's shirt, but by the comparably calmer sigh that escapes her, you believe it. You turn your head to Nancy, sitting just across the table from you, and reach your newly-freed hand out to clasp over hers. The tight squeeze is enough to say more than she can get out at the moment.

"I'll be fine, soon. I need a minute." She rubs her temples, focusing on breathing in and out and nothing else. Eddie's who you're really afraid for, though, and he's just staring in cold silence from across the room. He only takes one step when you look his way and shoves the tape in his pocket, but after a pause, he takes plenty more to come right up to your side.

"God, I'm glad you're alive," He grabs both sides of your face, and tilts your head up to plant the sweetest, deepest kiss on your lips. He tastes of smoke and sweat, bitterly warm on your tongue as he shows you his affection--something you thought you'd never get when you were sure you had died. "Never letting you go again."

It sits there in the air. Never letting you go. You've heard it in movies and read it in books, although you thought that if you ever heard someone say that to you, it would be.....well, it wouldn't be like this. But it quirks a smile up on your lips at the thought that this is what you've got, this is the reward you've been given for following your heart straight into death. At least you can say you're nothing if not loyal, even though you sometimes feel like you're just....crazy. Like you belong in the nuthouse. They've tried to reassure you you're not, but there's always that inkling in the back of your head. The looks people in the town give you when you go out don't help, either--especially the ones that boldly declared you as one of Eddie's failed victims. That one was especially hard to overcome.

"I...okay. I'm gonna go bring the sprinkler in." Eddie's hands linger on your face, and he seems to evaluate something for a moment before giving in, and pressing another delightfully wet kiss to your mouth. Only after that can he break away, and get himself walking towards the front door--mumbling quietly all the while that he's gonna find whatever hurt his baby and make it pay. To think, this is the man people thought had tried to sacrifice you....how ludicrous.

"Yeah, um...S-Steve, c'mon." Nancy, finally managing to pull herself together, gestures towards him in a way they both seem to understand--and you let out a squeak when he gets to his feet, and slides his arms around your waist to haul you up in a bridal carry, while Robin uses him to pull herself up and messily dry the tears she was hiding.

"H-Hey, it's okay! I can walk-"

"Nope." Steve interjects, waiting for Nancy to take Robin gingerly by the arm and lead her towards the stairs, whispering low enough into her ear that you can't make out what she's saying. Your girlfriend seems to start perking up when she hears it though, so whatever reassurances she's offering, they must be pretty good. "While Sir Eddie is securing the yard, you're gonna be spending some time with us." He raises his brows, that smoldering wink shooting sparks of youthful giddiness into your belly. It's hard not to smile and give in when he's being coy--the flirt in him just always manages to capture your heart, even when he's carrying you up the stairs despite you being certain you can do these things on your own. "Nance still has to finish her article, so we'll just hang out with her til it's done, kay?"

As he reaches the top step, you hear the distinct clanging of something being thrown around in the area of the garage, Eddie's distant swearing filtering through the open windows all over the house before he slams the door shut. Knowing him, he probably got all caught up in the hose and tripped himself, the visual of which evoking a laugh from you that nearly startles Steve as he walks with you into the master bedroom. Nancy's got her desk in there with all of her papers, photos, and notebooks scattered all over the top, a lamp on a bendable frame aimed from above so she can arrange things as precisely as she likes. She's already eased Robin into the bed, a kiss pressed to her forehead that she leans right into--and when Steve comes around the other side and slowly sets you down beside her, she's quick to pull an arm around you and nuzzle herself right into your side to get nice and comfortable.

"It's not gonna take too long, okay?" Nancy glances over her shoulder to look at you after she takes her seat, the second chair by her side soon giving a squeak as Steve drops himself into it. "I just have to organize the spread so I can send it in. Then we'll do something fun, okay?"

Her content smile feels more hollow than usual--you can kinda tell when she's masking her feelings to make everyone else comfortable, versus when she's really showing her emotions. But that's to be expected after what she just went through, so you're not about to pry. Usually it's a lot harder for them to vent to you than it is to each other, because they've admitted themselves they're sensitive to putting too much stress on you, and the doctor himself had warned you to avoid straining yourself lest your heart give out on you. That's a big worry for them too....worrying about you.

Soon enough, though, Eddie comes hustling up the stairs and bursts into the bedroom, narrowly avoiding a frustrated jab when he almost sweeps a pile of scribbled notes off the table--but he looks happy, sweaty and happy, and kicks off his sneakers to climb into bed next to you with a bowl full of cut fruit in his hands. He sets it delicately in your lap, having haphazardly tossed handfuls of the little cubes into it out of the tupperware containers Nancy was keeping them in, and pops a chunk of pineapple in his mouth with an uncanny grin.

"Showed that branch who's boss," He declares proudly through a half-chewed mouthful of fruit, before nuzzling your cheek with his nose and stuffing some more into his gob. It's a convenient way to distract you from Robin's fidgeting, as well as Nancy and Steve's hushed conversation that he glosses over by blabbing on about his newest potential escapades that he's got ideas for regarding the next Hellfire campaign. The best thing to do for you after an episode is give you something positive to focus on, they've found, and Eddie's pretty good at finding things to talk about that just hook you right in and keep you attentive to him, and little else.

You're not delicate, after all, you're strong. But the world has proven to be quite unkind to you, and clearly you've had too much exposure to those things that remind you of that awful, awful day. So does it not make sense to keep you safe, and take all those potential dangers away? It's not like you'll be lonely, after all. You'll have them! And that's all you need--just them.

#yandere fruity four #yandere fruity four x reader #fruity four #fruity four x reader #eddie munson #robin buckley #nancy wheeler #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #robin buckley x reader #nancy wheeler x reader #eddie munson x reader #st 4 #stranger things #ellie writes #anons

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little-worm-grant · 3 months

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Marc's POV: The Weekend

1,013 words / 18+ only, no minors

Masterlist.

If you like what you see, leave a like or reblog and follow me ♥ Summary: Marc has a weekend to himself and is trying a hand at this whole self-care crap that everyone's on his ass about. Turns out he can't get away from himself. Warnings: No smut. Mentions family death, C-PTSD, childhood trauma, self-hatred, hurt/comfort. I'm all up in my feels and wanted to write a character that can relate. Sorry not sorry in advance 8) Most important thing to remember: Take care of yourself first, no one can do it better than you can.

Marc was having a good weekend. There was nothing special about it but that was the whole point. Layla was going to be gone for another week. He wasn't out on a job. He wasn't tasked with doing anything special for Steven. There was a few jobs around the apartment he could be doing - he probably should be doing - but instead, he'd decided to try that whole self-care crap the others kept getting on his ass about.

So he tried doing nothing. A day of rest. A whole weekend of it.

Admittedly, at first, it was an unsettling sensation. Didn't feel right that he wasn't trying to be useful to someone else. He'd always pushed Steven to the front to take up the majority of their free time. Now that he had it, what would he do with it?

Turned out that doing nothing was doing something. He doom-scrolled on his phone for the longest time. Longer than he cared to admit. Not entirely permitted on a day of rest but it was enjoyable and no one was there to stop him.

More importantly, Steven wasn’t there to stop him.

He remained in bed. Finding no motivation alone to get out of the pit he'd settled into and called home. Letting himself rot was self-care, right? Wrong. Steven didn’t need to be there for Marc to hear that little British voice saying otherwise.

Eventually, hunger took over his needs. Prepared a meal in the form of leftovers. Told himself not to meal prep for the others while he was at it. He should. They needed to eat properly too. This weekend was about doing something for himself. Why was that so much harder?

Found himself venting to Gus. Even with his whole weekend shtick of only focusing on himself, the fish needed to eat. Little bastard relied on them. Plus he really didn't need another fish funeral as part of his self-care routine. Marc found he was indeed a good listener. Even if he was ranting about nonsensical things. It felt good to get it off his chest.

The evening was spent reading but that soon put him back to sleep.

Overall, if someone asked, he'd say it was a pretty decent weekend.

By Sunday, it did feel like it'd taken some of the weight off his shoulders. Lost a lot of the day to a game he discovered where he could renovate houses. Something about the repetition relaxed him. Let him switch off while still being very much at the forefront of their mind.

At some point his phone buzzed. Expected it to be Layla calling and paused his game to take it. Froze when he saw what name that came up.

Ma.

It was his ma calling.

He hadn't spoken to her on the phone in years. Watched the phone buzz with some underlining urgency. Knowing it wouldn't be forever but that moment felt like an eternity. Staring at the screen. Suspicious and unmoved. That churning in his stomach. He should take it. He knew he should. Could take a good guess at what would come if he did.

The call rang out and stopped, but Marc was still staring at the screen.

Why now? What did she want?

He should call her back. Apologize for not picking up. Make up some excuse why he couldn't. Nothing came to mind. He pushed the phone away from himself. Couldn't bring himself to go back to his game. He pushed away from the desk. Needing to move. To find something to distract him. To ground him.

His ma had called. He checked again. Sure enough, a missed call.

Why.

No message. No voice mail.

Another punishment of hers. Only this one was of his own doing. A reminder of what a bad son he was. He should call her back.

He paced his apartment.

What if something bad had happened?

What if it's nothing and she's just drunk again and wants to lash out?

But what if she doesn't? What if she actually wanted to talk to him?

He threw his phone on the bed. Watching it bounce off and go clattering along the floorboards. Another thing that went out of his control. Hand wiping over his face and into his hair to pull. It hurt but he needed to feel something. It was that or he'd hit himself.

Fuck.

Why was she calling him? Hadn't she died? That unsettling logic in the mess of his thoughts brought him back to himself. He checked his phone again. The bottom right of the screen was all cracked, but it still functioned. Couldn't find it in himself to care about the damage. He was going back to the call logs.

Ma had called. It was there in plain sight. Tears welled in his eyes. He dropped down into his bed and curled up in his sheets. Tried holding it in but alone with the missed call he found it all came crashing down. He sobbed like a little boy again. That was easier to do than to call her back.

Had to remind himself he was safe, he was okay. That he wasn't that kid anymore.

He should call her, but everything in his brain told him he shouldn't want to call her. He couldn't even say he hated her. The truth was, he didn't. He wanted to love her. As he'd grown, he came to an understanding that he could love her at a distance and accept she couldn't love him back.

It couldn't be his ma that called. She was dead. Maybe he was losing it again. That made more sense.

He thumbed at his contacts. Hitting the call button and bringing the phone to his ear. Listening to the ring until she picked up.

"Hey." His voice cracked.

Layla’s voice on the other end. Concerned but trying not to be. Marc uncurled and rolled onto his back. Taking a breath. The corner of his lip quirked to something she said.

"Nothing's wrong. I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you."

#marc spector #oscar isaac #moon knight #moon knight fanfiction #marcs pov

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findmeinthefallair · 2 years

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A Look at Hunter’s Complex PTSD (Part 2)

I forgot to add in the first post last weekend that I am taking excerpts from Parts 2, 4 and 5 of the book ("What My Bones Know" by Stephanie Foo), in case anyone plans to get a copy of it.

I didn’t use anything from Parts 1 and 3, since 1 involves the author recounting her own childhood trauma while 3 is about the cultural and historical events that are tied to the generational trauma in her family and community, which she researched to find answers.

Also..with two of the Owl House specials remaining, which would definitely give us more major Hunter moments…any additions from those two episodes that relate to the book excerpts will be added as new posts, e.g. if any scenes from For The Future are relevant to this Part 2 post, I will be making a post titled A Look at Hunter’s Complex PTSD (Part 2B).

Anyhow if all this sounds confusing now, there will ultimately be one grand masterpost listing every single part. As usual, take care with the warnings of mentions of abuse and trauma ahead. Here goes, for Part 2:

Hunter’s history differs only slightly from the above. He also played a caretaker role to Belos during the latter’s rage episodes:

which shows the failure on Belos’s part, especially since he’s in the guardian/caretaker role, to own, regulate or seek his own help for his difficult emotions, but it imbued Hunter with that sense of feeling “special”. The Golden Guard role was his, and his alone. Belos could then reinforce the whole “wild magic is bad” narrative, exploit how Hunter loved to feel special and wanted, and continue abusing the boy.

But as Hunter tried harder and harder to get Belos to love him the way he wanted, he too experienced a growing vigilance and desperation that was destroying him more and more, as he was worn down further over time.

I’d say it was like this for Hunter too. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t please Belos enough. It wasn't fixing things and it felt as if he was a ship slowly sinking. As his desperation grew, you could say he ventured out further beyond established boundaries, and Hollow Mind was the culmination of the courage and support he spent the previous episodes building up.

He, just like how it’s stated in the book page above, ended up woven more into the world, sewn emotionally and professionally into a network of lives. He made trusted friends and healthier company at last. Ultimately, all those actions he took nudged him along the path meant for him, and it even ended up with him being brave enough to say this in Hollow Mind:

To ask the ultimate question, "What did you do to the other guards?". The question that got Belos to decide “Okay, time to off this Grimwalker and then make another”.

Following that heart-stopping moment, Luz saving his life, both of them escaping, and then the panic attack scene that we all remember, Hunter’s story isn’t over yet.

With where he is now, in the middle of S3, he might be mentally and emotionally operating in a way that I can deconstruct while we wait for the next episode.

I am inclined to agree with these.

It’s just…so likely for Hunter. It was the case for me, since the first 5 years out of my 7 years of seeing therapists (2014-2020) were either just talk therapy or with ineffective therapists that I didn't trust enough. It felt more like just maintaining healthy enough functioning in my daily life, rather than having what felt like proper breakthroughs.

What Hunter needs first and foremost is to just continue experiencing the precious trust and presence of the good people he has formed good relationships with. Everyone is now in survival mode and would need the same manner of support.

Frankly, almost everyone in the show needs that too. The Isles will be going through some form of collective grief, if not already.

Processing all that has happened to him, in his young mind, will be hell of a lot of work. He can’t nicely fit all of that horror into a framework of cold logic, and I doubt the mess can be solved just by “talking things out”. After all, he has Complex PTSD: and being entangled in damaged formative relationships (Belos and the Emperor's Coven, basically) - not necessarily involving just people, or his relationship with himself, but also himself with the world - is the centerpiece of Complex PTSD.

Cold logic can't exactly help you make sense of why you lacked warmth in your formative relationships (the more technical term is "primary relationships" where your primary caregiver(s), a parent/guardian, is supposed to supply you with security and warmth in their relationship(s) with you).

The clearest analogy I can think of for how he’d need some time before talk therapy could ever benefit him, is when a computer does that thing where it shuts down outside of your control, in order to prevent further damage. When you switch it back on by pressing the power button, it usually acts as if nothing happened before that. This numbing and calmness has been essential in the short-term for Hunter to function, one example being from Hollow Mind:

because his emotions being almost completely shut down here were crucial for survival: for his legs to carry him, with Luz’s help, to escape Belos’s mind. If he didn’t have such a shutdown, he may have frozen in place due to being too overwhelmed, making it harder for Luz to shake him into being lucid to follow her, and Belos would’ve been able to apprehend and capture him all over again in the mindscape.

Survive first, fear later.

There is the possibility that with Flapjack’s death in particular, he might swing towards more dissociation than ever before. The reason why dissociation happens in the first place is because the brain, like the computer, would be overwhelmed if it stayed online any further. It’s a protective built-in mechanism to numb intense psychological pain. That computer can still work overall for some time, but boy oh boy..it would need some repair shop work at some point to even perform basic functions.

If his best friend’s death, by his hands, shocked us in the audience as much as it did, it goes without saying: he himself is carrying a massive amount of shock. The thing is..for the time being his attention is diverted to fighting back and going after Belos, making sure everyone else is safe. But we shall see how his mental state will be after the fighting is over.

This pattern of shutting down/short-circuiting and then coming back online without proper deep healing, would be detrimental long-term if it keeps happening and if it continues past the point where things start to be truly safe for him. It can sadly go on for years if e.g. a child is trapped until they move out as an adult, which would mean the road to healing is having to thaw out of several years’ worth of survival mode and hypervigilance.

To remain isolated would be the biggest obstacle in any stage of his recovery. Thankfully he is now the furthest thing from isolated, where the story left off. Check out how different the screenshots are below omg…the effects of Belos isolating him versus where he is now:

A consistent theme has been an ongoing tension between his fears and what he chooses to do anyway. It ain't just great storytelling, it also feels damn real because I'm willing to bet many of us experience the same tension in our day-to-day living.

E.g. in Labyrinth Runners, the panic attack he had:

is what made the later moment so much more powerful, when he decides to run towards fear to help Gus:

Over time, he has repeatedly made decisions where he prioritizes care for others, the desire for connection and wanting to do what is truly right, over the fear of being hurt and rejected. My personal fave example of how he worries for others’ safety is this seemingly smaller moment, but it’s honestly heartbreaking and reveals hell of a lot about who he is:

He is so terrified that Belos is back, quivering and exasperated, yet he doesn’t want Luz to call anyone else to help them: and in no way does he do this to show off or anything, he wants to protect his loved ones. But this tenacity that exists alongside his gentle spirit is what got him to rebel more and more throughout Season 2, leading him into greater danger and well..unfortunately all of that plot was also building up to what Belos did to him in Thanks to Them.

…yeah. Talk therapy is not what I think this kid needs right now, not till there is restored peace all around him. Because talk therapy requires quite a bit of usage of the brain’s prefrontal cortex - the part responsible for reasoning and logic - and it is activated when we are in conscious control of our thinking. And facts such as “My ‘uncle’ chose to lie to me my whole life” can’t be understood and analyzed in the same way as a math problem can be deciphered :’) How does one make sense of something like that?

Poor Hunter can only accept the reality that Belos chose to do all that, and a key part of this acceptance is to affirm his own strengths and believe he can accept such hard truths. To achieve such acceptance, treating his condition would most likely require subconscious work that is experiential in nature (involving deeper parts of the mind than just the prefrontal cortex) as opposed to just analyzing and taking things apart. Because I don't think simply talking about this:

on top of a childhood of being manipulated, will get this poor kid to where he'd like to be.

My former supervisor calls experiential subconscious work “heart work”, not “head work”...i.e. experiencing one’s feelings and relationships in a safe space. All of Hunter’s military training and duties are most definitely “head work”, all about strategy and withholding trust, which means “heart work” - building trust and finding authenticity in his relationships - has been a new journey for him. His network of relationships and perceptions need a major, positive reframing. And there are so many emotional wounds, oh Titan, so many from Belos.

Hunter is likely to benefit from experiential subconscious work such as the increasingly popular Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) modality for therapy, because EMDR can be an effective treatment if a client experiences discomfort in the form of physical bodily sensations whenever their trauma is triggered, though it is not necessarily for everyone who suffers from trauma. A Boiling Isles version of EMDR might involve Illusion magic...if a therapist from that Coven can draw out mental images of clients to project into the therapy room, that would be a cool simulation and cool parallel of how therapy works in our world.

EMDR was the biggest, most revelatory thing for me in my own recovery but a coursemate of mine found it to be too much and too direct: instead, she benefited from the Emotion Freedom Technique (EFT) approach which was more physical in nature and relied on tapping acupressure points on the body. Idk, maybe I matched better with EMDR because I have an innate curiosity about things, even if it has gotten me in trouble many times in life (this sounds like Hunter as well) :S Whereas EFT was the better fit for my coursemate because she wanted a sense of attachment and connection with herself via the specific sense of touch.

Disclaimer: I am not yet certified in EMDR, god it will be years before I can afford the training fees but I have been on the receiving end of it as a client in many sessions. So I am no trained expert in it at all.

We see Hunter experiencing physical distress related to his trauma, which is why the EMDR technique, that aims to reduce trauma-related distress experienced in the physical body, could be the right match for him. Since he loves the Ruler’s Reach and Cosmic Frontier, he might like how EMDR is like letting your subconscious re-tell your story as a heroic triumphant story, and the treatment feels like rewriting your painful memories while still acknowledging how they actually happened. Because the treatment helped me learn that it is possible to hold both of those in your mind.

To sum up EMDR the best I can, the client replays their difficult memories in their subconscious imagination. It relies on a phenomenon called bilateral stimulation (BLS) which is related to how making left-and-right motions (e.g. going for walks, or swimming) while holding upsetting thoughts in our heads, helps to reduce the intensity of such thoughts.

The general process involves:

Helping the client prepare an imagined safe place to go to (Hunter might choose his fave location from Cosmic Frontier, since clients can choose fictional places if they like) and if needed, a safe person (he might choose Camila) to come rescue them in their mind, in case revisiting the bad memories becomes too distressing. The therapist gets the client to experience the safe place and person, then describe to the therapist what they see, hear, touch etc with as much detail as possible. There will be several practice rounds in those safe spaces, before the client is supposed to do the same imagination thing with their scary traumatic memories in later sessions: once they are experienced with visiting their safe places.

Desensitizing the pain and distress of traumatic memories, working through only one memory at a time, where the therapist gets the client to hold the painful memory in mind while also performing left-and-right physical movements e.g. client moves their eyes left and right, following the therapist's hand motions. The therapist regularly checks in with how the client feels and also measures 1. the intensity of the client’s distress (using the Subjective Units of Disturbance or SUD scale, on a scale of 1 to 10 where 10 is the highest distress level imaginable to the client) and 2. The strength of the client’s positive belief about themselves (using the VOC or Validity of Cognition scale, on a scale of 1 to 7, with 7 being complete trust in the positive belief). The aim is to reduce the SUD score to 0 or 1, and increase the VoC score to 7, per memory that the client decides to process with the therapist. This would definitely take at least 3 sessions per memory, based on my experience.

The desensitizing step takes multiple sessions (estimated to be 8-12 sessions for simpler traumas, and many more sessions for complex traumas) helps to make room for new positive beliefs about oneself e.g. “I am worthy of love” to take up more space in the client’s mind, while the emotional space taken up by negative beliefs like “I am unlovable” gets smaller and smaller.

In my experience as an EMDR client, you are just supposed to let your subconscious flow and alter each memory during the desensitizing, because it isn’t about how realistic the memory was, it’s about what meanings you’d like to put into the storyline of the memory e.g. going from “I deserved that abuse” to “You know what, I’m gonna try protect myself”. This means Hunter could incorporate his fave fictional scenes and elements into his own story. I found that my brain went from accurately replaying my traumatic memories, to adding in new things or replacing original parts of each memory. And best of all, I wasn’t actively choosing all these changes - I just let my subconscious run on its own, since it is outside my conscious control anyway. E.g. in a memory where my own abusive mother was yelling at me during a car ride, I saw a tall red tree (red is my fave colour and I feel strength whenever I see it) rapidly growing out of the road directly in front of us. It could cause my mother to lose control of the steering and brake hard, and I could quickly unlock the front passenger door to exit the car and run to my own safety. The most real thing about this was that I now got a taste of how it would feel to use strong boundaries with my mother in real life, and the coolest thing was seeing how my own brain went off on its own to write an encouraging story, which is what mattered and allowed my positive beliefs about myself to start taking root. It all started in my imagination, guided by the therapist.

The best way of putting it is..I realized that when the original traumatic events happened in my life, the bad events happened which then installed negative beliefs about myself (and the world) into my brain's programming, breaking my trust in almost everything except my escape spaces like gaming and art. With EMDR, after feeling the safety of trusting my therapist and my safe place, I had to let my brain create the positive version of the above: letting improved versions of those traumatic events be written by my subconscious: which helped to usher in the positive opposites of those negative beliefs.

It would be too lengthy to go into more detail here about how EMDR could help our boi, so I will instead cover that in my future case formulation post that is separate from this series. But EMDR is not the only way to reach a point of having positive beliefs about oneself. Some people may be able to reach that stage without therapy, using resources like a strong support network and doing meaningful work and activities, which is completely valid and fine as well.

EMDR was the tool that helped the book author reach her first ever breakthrough in her mental health journey. It helped her realize that stuff from so long ago, which she thought she had gotten over, needed to be revisited in order for her to start feeling love for her inner child and younger self. Feeling love for yourself and understanding self-love is very hard work, and it’s not the same as shrugging “Yeah, I guess it’s good to love yourself” and knowing it in theory as an observer.

That section of the book is sort of like how Hunter becomes more and more able to draw strength and other positive qualities e.g. courage, trust, etc, from himself, on his own. The rest of the Hexsquad and Camila came in to help and save Hunter first, which gently reinforced a healthy narrative over time that he is in fact deserving of love, getting him to believe along the lines of “You know what, I don’t want to try being useful to Belos anymore, because what he did to me and what he does as the Emperor is wrong”. This understand was further reinforced when he was the one to extend help to Gus towards the end of Labyrinth Runners.

Perhaps the biggest takeaway from this post is how Hunter’s friends helped to positively reshape the way he saw himself, when they modeled how healthy relationships should be for him. Many posts have already made in the fandom about how this was the case in every episode that Hunter was featured in (from Hunting Palismen onwards), so I’ll only show the recent examples from Thanks to Them below:

I like how during all of his screentime, it wasn’t obvious to us whether he had good beliefs about himself, right up until we see him at his happiest, in his cosplay outfit and secondly when he expresses his desires out loud to Belos while being possessed.

Learning healthy behaviours from positive influences outside of himself (sometimes, in therapy speak we call this “introducing a foreign element” outside of the client’s own familiar world, to introduce real change), because he had no reference points to draw upon from his own knowledge, is what got him to begin understanding and believing he deserves better. Such recovery work can’t happen within a vacuum, since no man is an island. Some form of connection is needed as a catalyst.

And ajhdhkjkljdfd I am so so proud of him that he could already practice these modeled behaviours himself at least a couple of times, supported by Flapjack's love, after being equipped with the love he needed:

Now, without Flapjack, I am on the edge of my seat wondering how he sees himself, and while he will never be the same again..I wonder how he will find his way back to liking who he is. I hope to see a more in-depth, layered and raw version of these where he has to face himself...and Flapjack is not going to be there this time..:

Especially since his “I like who I am right now” has been so greatly challenged by Flapjack dying by his own hands.

The author's breakthrough after meeting her younger self in her imagination, during her own EMDR sessions, was that she now understood in her heart, not just knowing in her rational head, that her parents did not provide her with healthy love. With that, it became clear what it was that she needed.

This is crazy important. Gradually, Hunter made his way from merely knowing (suspecting that the 'love' provided for him by Belos was not right) to fully understanding (feeling what love is supposed to be, through his friends and Camila). This concept references what I said very early on in this post about “heart work” vs “head work”. Head knowledge is the knowing part that looks for facts and can be reached quickly, but heart knowledge - trusting, believing, seeing the meaningful significance of something - can be tough to find without the aid of a support network, therapists and any form of meaningful inspiration.

The following life-changing truths that the author found in the challenging parts of her EMDR therapy sessions, are truths that were also revealed to Hunter in his character arc through difficult experiences:

I'm sure there will be amazing upcoming dialogue where his support network and found family help to further reaffirm the positive beliefs that he has began to trust about himself.

And that’s that for Part 2!

I wonder if any of the above was helpful, and feel free to comment and discuss in the notes.

Importantly, to put up a word of caution here: please do not try any EMDR on yourself under any circumstances, of course xD

Which stuff did you guys find the most interesting from this part? If anything above is pretty complex for you, feel free to DM me or comment to ask further questions~~

Part 3 will be posted next weekend.

#toh analysis #toh hunter #the owl house #toh flapjack #toh belos #emperor belos #hunter's abuse #hunter's trauma #hunter's cptsd #loz writes a meta

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skiiyoomin · 10 months

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I was wondering if you could write a saiki & reader oneshot fic with a reader who has DID & C-PTSD and paranoid tendencies? I understand that that might be a bit too hard to write but just in case I got some recorces that might be handy, here is the link to DID listing from my own copy of the newest version of the DSM https://www.dropbox.com/sh/htaraej65e34tg9/AADBATmelRQFUBfTMxaJ3W6wa?dl=0 as well as this website that has a lot of good info on it https://did-research.org/ and this page I found that has a brief overview of C-PTSD https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24881-cptsd-complex-ptsd but I also recommend quickly reading thru the different types of flashbacks (shouldn't be that hard to find info on)

The main idea is that because of the mix dissociation,switching,paranoia, different types of flashbacks etc that the readers thoughts are very fucking confusing to saiki (feel free to use this premise for any kind of plot you want just try not to make it overly angsty is all I ask, well as un-angsty as you can get with C-PTSD anyways lol) I just wanna see more y/n / reader inserts that I can actually relate to but the saiki K fandom is so small

Can be platonic or romantic

Hi!! So sorry for the late reply, I researched as much as I could so if theres anything remotely wrong or different please tell me! Ngl, im not very sure i like how it turned out, nevertheless I hope you enjoy :))

Also i totally get that its hard finding stuff for saiki k which is the reason why i write for it in the first place, they totally deserve more recognition!! Feel free to send more requests in the future!!

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Content: somewhat angsty but not really, i tried to be as vague as possible so as not to trigger anyone, reader suffers from trauma, DID, CPTSD, swearing, fluffy ending? slightly oc saiki

Summary: Saiki was used to listening to many types of thoughts, and at one point, nothing he heard surprised him. However when you came around, he was beyond confused. What sparks as a little curiosity might turn into something more.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

No matter what | Kusuo Saiki

He was used to it, or at least that's what he used to tell himself. Throughout the years he had heard all sorts of thoughts, at one point, he learned to tune them out when need be, having listened in on weird enough ideas that now don't surprise him anymore.

When you came in the picture, he was...baffled, to say the least. Confusing wasn't even close of a word to express how he felt. Your thought process was anything but simple. At times it'd be a fuzzy mess almost as if you lost part of your memory, other times, you'd think as if you were a completely different person, contradicting many of your previous thoughts. But what disturbed him most was the series of traumatic thoughts that would cross your mind. Flashbacks he realized in that moment.

In the beginning he felt annoyed, as per usual. Often times, he'd find you in class with a dazed expression, which to be frank, he had seen enough times to not give it a second thought. But then his attention would be caught when your mind would wander and you'd start thinking in a very unusual way. They were so unlike the person you presented to be, so much so that Saiki was left perplexed and in need to understand exactly what was going on.

The more it happened the more worried he'd be. There were days where you acted a certain way, and other days where you acted completely different. He could tell you weren't being fake trying to act differently for attention, after all, your thoughts lined up with the you acted and the things you said. Rather, it was the abrupt changes in your behaviour that had him thinking for far longer than he normally would.

Along the way, he also picked up how you'd flinch if you were in sudden physical contact, the way your shoulders would tense and the way your heart beat would speed up. Saiki wasn't stupid of course, he was aware that all of this was caused by some form of trauma.

He knew not to pry, yet his heart strings pulled everytime he saw you having a bad moment. So he began to follow you, in disguise of course, and even if he seemed like a stalker, he couldn't help it. Eventually he began to connect the dots, your reactions, behaviors, everything. It made sense now.

Unconciously, his words began to soften around you, his touch became gentler, he looked out for you in ways he had never done so with others. You began to notice but in no way did you mind, if anything, Saiki was someone you took great comfort in. What started of small slowly grew into something neither of you expected.

Of course, that didn't make it any less hard for either of you. Like right now. You were laying in Saikis bed, your head resting on his shoulder as you watched a movie, when suddenly a specific scene had triggered an anxiety attack. Your mind was racing through flashbacks of the many disturbing events you had gone through. Saiki was up almost immediately, having read your mind and sensed your reaction.

His touch was soft, his hands cupping your face so gently you'd think he was scared to break you, which he was. He was in no way someone who could comfort others easily. Nevertheless he tried his best. He attempted to lower your heart rate, rubbing small circles against your back as his other hand held the back of your head. No words were needed, they never were. He had, in a way, been there for you, way before you two even became a thing, so none of this was a surprise for either of you.

That didn't ease the guilt in your heart any less. You always felt bad. You knew Saiki could read you, literally. And well, it wasn't pretty. Countless times you had attempted to push him away, yet he never budged.

"'m sorry" you mumbled against his shoulder as your rested your head on it.

He cupped your face in his hands, pulling you to look at him.

`I won't let you push me away. The things you went through won't make me see you any differently, because to me you'll still be someone I cherish'

Your eyes welled up as you looked him deep in the eyes, finding nothing but love for you. Still cupping your face, he ran his thumbs under your eyes, wiping the tears away. He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

'I love you'

"No matter what?"

`No matter what'

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hypernova-blitz-arts · 7 months

Text

Okay so i have an idea- TMC but with a storyline based off of FAITH. basically a crossover. ik it's been done before but i'd like to present my own take on it. Long ass character info list under the cut

Btw if you wanna rb this, please do! It let's me know people are interested

To start, I think the AU would/should be called When Faith Prevails.

The cult still exists, Preacher is the leader of the lower ranking members. The cat is the cult mascot because yes. I'll elaborate later.

All of the humans are traumatized!! Yaaaaay!!!

Mark (Father Heathcliff)

- 36

- absolute wet cat of a man

- takes on a role similar to John

- decided he wanted to be a priest so he could help people. Only wanted to become a priest after an incident in his childhood in which he attempted to finish an exorcism. One which the priest that had been called to the scene died during.

- Continuing the above, the faithful boy did what he could, as he was instructed to by O'Brien. He wasn't fast enough.

- Insomnia, night terrors, PTSD, anxiety, depression

Dave (Father Lee)

- late 50's

- Takes on a role similar to Father Garcia because it's fucking hilarious to me to imagine Dave blasting a demon with a shotgun

- he's too cool that's why he dies later

- cares for Mark a lot, considers him family

- became a priest due to his Visions (TM) as a child. He's been revered as a holy prophet since.

- somehow the most stable guy in this entire AU, had a good family life, decent childhood, stayed out of trouble, a very good child. He's mostly chillin, save for the fact that he Witnesses The Horrors every night in his sleep.

Father O'Brien

- died during an exorcism.

- he done goofed.

Cesar Torres

- Died at 16, somehow aged as a ghost? maybe because he's still attached to his body.

- a spirit bound to what's left of his mortal form. Cannot be at peace until his body is killed.

- an alt possessed him and took his body during a botched attempt to exorcise it out of his house. Turns out there was more than one.

- "talks" to Mark sometimes (leaves things out that mean different things, writes notes)

- "bleeding" constantly

- hates seeing Mark spiral like this

"Cesar Torres"/Alt Cesar

- Killed Cesar and took over his body.

- watch it gain humanity later (i'm sorry but giving Alts humanity and then making them spiral is my favorite thing to do. It's so much fun to watch an unfeeling entity, one made to kill, drive itself insane over being a failure)

- they/it at first, he/it later on.

Sarah Heathcliff

- before i go on, this is only an AU loosely based on FAITH. That being said, Lisa (or any replacement thereof) x John (or any replacement thereof) does not exist.

- 32

- Mark's distant sister, lives in the Cult's apartment building.

- stays away from religion because of her childhood

- some flavor of emotional management issues, that's what makes her so easy for an Alternate to manipulate/begin to possess.

Thatcher Davis

- look, i refuse to make him as young as he is canonically. not as old as Dave, but close. bro is at least in his 40's here. maybe very early 40's but 40s nonetheless.

- cop that hangs around the church for security.

- hangs out with Dave, calls him old man a lot

- trauma. so much trauma.

- Dave taught him how to exorcise an alt out of a given place, but Thatcher has something stronger (a gun)

- "I'm a brave boy" *Sees an alt* "NOT A BRAVE ENOUGH BOY FOR THIS"

Ruth Weaver

- used to live in the cult apartment building.

- She was sacrificed.

- Thatcher is still looking for her.

- He won't like what he finds.

Adam Murray

- He's just Michael Davies here what else can i say

-17

- humanity? gone. none left.

- he's in so much pain all the fucking time help him

Jonah Marshall

- Adam's best friend

-18

- alive. for now.

- anxiety, so much anxiety, hallucinates a lot.

- he knows how to use a GUN in this one folks

Lucifer/The Morningstar/ UNSPEAKABLE

- you see how he looks in canon? make it worse. make it a million times more uncomfortable to look at.

- eyes. All of the eyes. So many eyes.

- limbs? Many. Wings? Yeah, he has those too. They're leathery and bat-like with a layer of blackened feathers along the top.

- merciless

- created the alternates to twist the world to his design.

- likes to watch humans go mental, it's so funny to him <3

Important side characters (mostly Alts)

Six/The Anglerfish

- lures children in to either make them join the cult or sacrifice them, often replaces them with an alt to "spread the vision of it's creator"

- Warned Mark of what was to happen, was there to observe Mark failing his best friend

- bastard. Kill him. Right now.

- him and stanley are one in the same. Six is the anglerfish hiding in the darkness behind its lure. A monster behind a friendly face.

Preacher

- Kind of equivalent to Malphas but usually takes a form like that of Miriam's

- right hand to the UNSPEAKABLE

- bastard boy bastard boy bastard boy

- manipulative little prick

The Sacrifices

- various sacrificed animals possessed by lower ranking alts

Goat

- THE fucked up sacrifice

- little fucking bitchass daddy's boy. Asskisser of the antichrist. Desperate for the UNSPEAKABLE'S attention

- Alu's replacement

#faith: the unholy trinity #the mandela catalogue #my au #tmc au

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violetjedisylveon · 1 year

Text

Pabu

Summary: Tech returns to Pabu in search of his siblings, he's searched everywhere, this is the last place he could think of. He finds that a lot more has changed than he previously thought.

Word count: 2.4k

Warnings: trauma, ptsd mention, confusion, denial, angst.

A/N: it's the angsty Tech focused fic! With added angst! You can never have too much!

Twenty Eight Years AU link here.

________________________________________________________________________________

Pabu.

Crystal clear blue waters, pristine clean skies, lush and full of life.

It hadn't changed one bit.

A welcome relief when so much had.

Tech was certain he would find them here.

XXX

Tech was keenly aware of all the eyes on him when he stepped off his ship. He knew what it looked like at first glance, a suspicious stranger in a heavily modified, outdated imperial shuttle. He was glad for the glasses and mask, no one could see his face fully.

The Archium still stood, much to his relief.

He didn't really know how long it was but it had to have been a few years at least. The Empire had collected his data, he was glad to see they hadn't sought any use for Pabu or found any interest in it since then.

It was the last place he had to search, the last place they might be. If there were no results on Pabu, he didn't know where else to look.

His vision glitched slightly, he sighed in irritation. His eyes had been damaged, he had barely enough vision left to construct a rudimentary prosthetic glasses combination to enhance his poor eyesight. They always needed improvements and fixing, he never could see well enough to fix everything.

Despite the nagging glitches around the edge of his vision, Tech made his way, slowly, around Upper Pabu.

There was too much going on for his prosthetics to process, it was causing a headache behind his eyes. He paused to retrieve his cane from his pack. He was rather good at maneuvering with it, it had been a challenge at first, but he'd learned, and learned how to use it to fight if necessary.

Tap!

The sharp click of the cane on stone came from ahead of him. The path was clear. He could see people moving out of his way now, thinking him an old man searching for someone. He was searching for someone, he just wasn't as old as he looked. He certainly felt that old.

He kept wandering around Pabu until he found a rather interesting sight. It was a rather large group of siblings all playing, er, hanging out with each other under the watchful, or perhaps not so watchful, eyes of an old man sitting on the porch. The old man looked like he had fallen asleep reading a book.

While the man looked human, the children were half human, with long ears that moved and reacted to any sound, fangs that were exposed when they smiled, patches of purple among their tan skin and purple freckles spotted among their bodies. Tech concluded that the old man must be the kids' grandfather.

There were seven siblings of varying ages, some looked to be twins. The oldest two were watching their younger siblings play a ball game while doing other things.

The four youngest were engaged in the game, and one that seemed to be in between both ages was sitting at a table tinkering with some creation.

Oddly enough, this family seemed to be Mando'a. The oldest three all had the signature helmets nearby, and were wearing under armour in the style of Mandalorians. It was an uncommon sight now, from what Tech had heard.

One of the younger children tossed the ball to the youngest, she missed and the ball rolled over to his feet.

"I'll get it!" The youngest shouted, the accent sounded familiar.

The young hybrid ran out the open gate over to him and picked up the ball.

"Sorry mister." She apologized, looking up at him through her curly purple and blond bangs with strange eyes. They were large, near whiteless, one was a deep pink, the other was a shockingly familiar shade of brown.

His eyes, his brothers' eyes, Omega's eyes.

Apparently, she noticed it as well, she stood there staring up at him.

"You've got my Buir's eyes." She said cheerfully.

"Do I?" He asked.

He felt his hopes rise, but stomped it down quickly. She could easily be a child or grandchild of any clone in the galaxy, there was no reason to get excited over such a common trait.

"Yeah, they look Ba'vodu's too!" She chirped.

"Koré! What's taking so long?!" One of her siblings hollered.

"Just a minute, Ram'ser!" She shouted back.

Ram'ser. Sniper or marksman. That's an odd name for a child. Tech mused.

One of the eldest took note of the situation, she was too far away from him to see all the details very well, but her hair was held back by a band of some kind. A bird of prey was perched on her forearm as they monitored the situation.

"Koré, leave that man alone!" She shouted.

"But I'm not bothering him, Roya!" Koré shouted.

Roya, Mando'a for hunter. Perhaps hunting based names were the goal. Tech wondered.

"He's got Buir's eyes!" Koré added.

That got all the siblings interested and seven pairs of near whiteless eyes were fixed on him.

"Maybe he's a ba'vodu." One remarked in a snarky tone.

"Be nice, Ram'ser." The oldest scolded her brother before turning to him.

"Do you wanna come in mister! Our parents are out visiting our uncle at the moment, but we can get the chief to help you if you need it!" She shouted.

"Yeah! It'll be fun! We don't get many strangers around here!" Koré exclaimed, turning pleading eyes up to him.

The begging move was remarkably similar to what Omega would pull on Hunter, and himself, when she wanted to get some extra treat. He typically lasted longer than Hunter when the tactic was employed on him, but a rush of nostalgia and guilt had him folding faster than he ever had before.

"Sure, if your parents truly will not mind." Tech agreed.

Koré cheered and dragged him into her family's yard, abandoning the ball in the street. He felt odd intruding upon this family, but not as uncomfortable as he should have, the seven siblings were very welcoming.

Koré was certainly the most excited to introduce him to all her older siblings.

"I'm Koré but you probably already know that. I'm ten." Koré told him.

She then proceeded to spitball all her siblings at him.

"That's Rayshe'a, she's twelve, she's got Buir's eyes exactly, which is really cool," she dropped her voice into an attempted whisper, "she's ba'vodu's favorite." She taunted.

Koré pointed out the girl who looked closest in age to her, who rolled her brown eyes at the taunt.

"Ram'ser, he's the taller one, and Jarlier, he's really big and tough, they're my older brothers, they're fourteen and twins." She pointed the two boys out next, they did indeed match the description.

The two boys both had the deep pink eyes that Koré had.

"Mirdala is our third oldest sibling, she's really good with tools and makes all sorts of stuff all the time! She's fifteen."

The aforementioned girl was tinkering with something and only offered him a quick glance and lazy salute.

"And then there's Roya and Zosime! They are our oldest siblings, they're twins too, Roya is older though. They're eighteen." Koré pointed to the final pair of siblings.

Roya had a bandana holding her hair back and a bird perched on her arm. Zosime wore a work apron and had soot stains on their clothes.

"That's a lot of information." Tech said.

"Oh, sorry, I do that a lot." Koré apologized before going on another tangent about something.

Her siblings all reacted like it was normal but none showed any true annoyance with their youngest.

Roya, Zosime, Mirdala, Ram'ser, Jariler, Rayshe'a and Koré. Those names are Mando'a. Tech realised. Their heritage was more confirmed by the evidence of metal working on Zosime.

Zosime and Koré aren't Mando'a, but the rest are. Roya, hunter. Mirdala, clever, intelligent. Ram'ser, sniper. Jarlier, wreck. Rayshe'a, five. The names didn't make much sense, there had to be a reason why these children made him feel welcome but slightly unsettled at the same time.

A sudden movement caught his eyes, Tech turned and saw the old man stirring. He had a thick beard but he was bald on top. He looked like someone who had a hard life, the shadows of deep eye bags remained. He had been fidgeting in his sleep, seemingly unable to stay still. He had bulky hearing aids and glasses, expected of an elderly man. Something was familiar about him though.

The old man started mumbling, it was faint, but he looked happy, whatever he was dreaming of was good.

"Oh yeah, ba'vodu talks in his sleep. Rambles a lot, Buir says he's talking to his vod." Rayshe'a informed him, she must have noticed him staring.

"Ah." Tech grunted and looked away, focusing on whatever Koré was saying until something the old man rambled caught his attention.

"Omega, get down… don't know… where you got the… idea… wreck-!… dont help her up… get her down!" His mumblings went quiet again but for Tech, those words repeated themself.

The man sounded so much like… but it couldn't be, he was older than them, but not that much older. Unless- no, he didn't want to think about that. It couldn't be, his body hadn't aged enough.

"Who is he talking about?" Tech asked.

"Buir says he talks about his brothers while he sleeps, it's why he's happier." Koré said.

"He's gonna be waking up soon. He's jumpy so he might shout at you." Rayshe'a added.

"He usually shouts nonsense though, mama says he does it cause he's not fully awake." Koré said, talking like it was nothing out of the ordinary.

It could be their normal. Tech reasoned.

He did his best to ignore the man and his rambles, even as they reminded him more and more of his siblings.

"Is his talking a medical condition?" He eventually asked.

"Used to be PTSD, screaming and crying, sleepwalking, but that's under control, he just talks now." Mirdala answered, not even looking up.

"What from?"

"War." She shrugged.

That's vague. Although it may be her intention. He thought.

Behind them, the old man jolted awake with a startled shout. Tech glanced over his shoulder, the man was staring at him, blinking like he was confused.

"… Tech…?" He asked in utter disbelief, he sounded like he was witnessing something impossible.

"He mistakes people all the time, he always calls me fives." Rayshe'a said.

Tech raised an eyebrow at that. It didn't help his denial case.

The old man rubbed his eyes and felt around for his glasses, which had fallen when he woke up. He found them, got them on and stared at Tech with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"Tech… that you…?" He asked.

The old man sounded so familiar, so much like him, but he was too old. Tech himself hadn't aged that much, it couldn't have been that long, why was he so old?

He was hyper aware of the eyes on him, the tension building around them.

The old man squinted, then he relaxed and looked away.

"Just another dream, just another ghost, not real. Not real." He muttered to himself.

Tech watched the man mumble the phrase to himself until he finally had the courage to say it.

"Echo?"

The man looked up at him, squinted again and his face paled. His hands started shaking.

"How did you know his name?" One of the boys, Ram'ser, asked, eyeing him skeptically.

Tech stepped away from the old man, who may be his brother, the situation was hurting his brain. Why's Echo so old? Why am I so young. What happened to the others? Where's Omega? He wracked his brain for a logical solution.

"I-"

"Buir! Mama! You're home!" Tech was cut off by Koré's excited shouting.

"Ad'ika!" The voice was modulated, but sounded familiar.

Tech turned, two women dressed in Mandalorian armor, one had more elements from another culture, were standing just beyond the gate.

Koré had jumped into their arms, giving her parents a warm welcome.

Both Mandalorians had their helmets off, signaling one as the childrens' non-human mother.

They all had her ears, colorful purple splotches, fangs and eye structure, and some had her deep pink eye color. The majority of her skin was orange with purple freckles in it. She was a Spaelf. She had a bow strapped to her back, and a quiver. He suspected the arrows it contained had some special use that made them as good as energy arrows.

The human mother had her back turned to him, but he could see the dirty blond hair tied into a braided bun and the tan skin her children had inherited. She had an energy bow on her back, one that was extremely familiar.

She turned to greet her other children, her round face and broad nose gave her away almost as soon as her brown eyes, the exact same as his, landed on him.

The second she saw him, she froze, clenching her grip on Koré.

"Oh Buir! He's got your eyes! Isn't that cool?" She asked.

"Koré, come inside, now." Roya ordered, using a harsher tone than when she'd spoken before.

Koré looked confused, but did as her sister told her. The three oldest children must've known something was about to go down, since they ushered their four younger siblings inside. Tech caught something about it being some grown-up business as the door clicked shut. The old man, Echo, stared at him, still shaking, muttering under his breath.

The Mando woman stared at him, tears in her eyes, until her wife gave her a gentle nudge.

"Kiwi, you see him too? Tell me you see him?" She asked, voice cracking.

"Yes, cyare. I see him." Her wife confirmed.

A strangled sob escaped her and she turned her back to him. He could see her wife whispering something to her, but he couldn't make it out. Finally, he did something.

"Omega?"

She stiffened, then slowly turned to him with a teary eyed glare.

"You're supposed to be dead." She hissed softly.

"Why aren't you?" She asked.

Tech took a step back, he'd thought his brothers and sister would be glad to see him, to know he had survived but he clearly missed out on a lot. Years, decades.

Omega was an adult, had a wife and children, Echo was an old man, and Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair were nowhere to be seen.

"Omega, where are the others?" He asked softly.

"They're dead, like you are supposed to be."

________________________________________________________________________________

Tada! Angst!

This bit here gets a little long, sorry in advance!

Now I bet you're wondering why Omega isn't happy to see Tech alive and don't worry, all shall be revealed shortly(whenever I have the next chapter).

Echo is alive because he is my favorite after Omega. Also dude got blown up, he ain't going down any time soon. And as an old man I think he has a Klaus vibe to him, long beard and scary at first but sweet underneath. If you haven't seen Klaus, go fix that, it's great.

Now Roya isn't an actual word in Mando'a but it's part of words like beroya, bounty hunter, geroya, which is play but literally translates to play hunt, and meshgeroya, which is a game, so I decided Roya could work as hunt or hunter in Mando'a and thus, Roya's name.

And Omega's wife's name is Caoimhe(pronounced Kweeva), she's an oc from other AUs I have and the main things about her are:

She is a Spaelf(space elf), Spaelf are craftsmen and artisans, they are good at making stuff.

She is a lesbian.

She is an artist and an archer.

She is a very low level Force sensitive, thus, she can do the part of sex where genetics swap with the Force and have kids with Omega.

All of the kids are their biological children, because of the Force fuckery bullshit above.

Omega gave birth to Roya(she/her) and Zosime(they/them/xir/xim), they were twins, and she also gave birth to Mirdala(she/her, trans), and Rayshe'a(she/her).

Caoimhe gave birth to Ram'ser and Jarlier, they were also twins, and she gave birth to Koré too, their last child because they had seven but also because Spaelves will stop having kids when one has two colors of eyes, typically one from a parent, symbolizing the child as a perfect mix of both parents, and they stop after that.

I will link an image of Caoimhe that is from the other AU she's part of, but that one doesn't have anything to do with this one(unless I decide down the line to work this into that one, it's pretty good, maybe check it out if you want), so the information on that post might contradict what is here but that's just so you get a visual reference of what she looks like and what the kids got from her.

Caoimhe link

I should probably stop talking now cause this has gone on pretty long.

I hope you all have a good day, whatever that is for you!

VJS Out!

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gazs-blue-hat · 11 months

Text

Hearts Do Mend (Ghost x Gn!Reader)

An: Once again, something that came from my conversations with @plumteaa-remus. This is a really heavy one-shot so I want you guys to please read with caution. Like I said in my Masterlist, I have experienced SA and the trauma that comes from that. While I based the contents of this chapter on my own experiences, that does not invalidate yours. your response may be different than mine but it doesn't make it any less valid. You are seen, you are heard, this one is for you <3

Summary: After a year of dating, you and Simon decide to try and take your relationship to the next level. Unfortunately, Simon's PTSD has other ideas.

Word Count: 1,614

TW: DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT (Serious guys. I mean it. Ghost when through some shit and reader did too. Please take care of yourselves) Sexual Assault talk. Open conversation about SA and Rape. Descriptions of a panic attack

I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION TO ANYBODY HERE OR ON ANOTHER SITE TO REPOST, COPY, TRANSLATE OR FEED MY WORK TO AN A.I OF ANY KIND.

Simon riley was a force to be reconned with. He fights hard for what he loves and he love even harder. You had met Simon on a mission in France when you were looking into more AQ cells in the area. You two quickly became friends and even spent time outside of ops together. It was like you could read one another's thoughts. Simon had opened up to you about things he had never told another human soul. Those long nights on stakeout where neither of you could sleep or move were filled with heavy conversation.

He told you all about what he had gone through in Mexico at the hands of Roba and his brainwashed men. He told you all about the sex workers his Father had killed and forced him to laugh at. You had seen all of this scars from missions passed and he even showed you his face when it was just you two. You shared things with him as well. You told him about the time you were taken as a hostage on an op and were traded around by the mercenaries for pleasure. You described how they had touched you and recorded video of how they assaulted you. You told him about your parents and how they had disowned you after you joined the military, only to be killed by some warlord who wanted revenge. Your stories were similar, chapters in the same book even. it only made sense that you two would start seeing one another.

It started with casual dates in parks where you would walk around and talk, allowing yourselves to hold gloved hands. Then you moved to movie nights at base, knees touching and one arm slung over the other's shoulder.

Three months in, you were holding hands without gloves on, feeling the warmth of the other. You two shared hugs and semi-affectionate terms in private.

Six months in was when you kissed for the first time. His scarred lips over your chapped ones. The kiss itself wasn't anything dramatic. Just a soft, delicate thing that lasted a fraction of a second. But it was enough for you.

At eight months, Simon confessed that he loved you. You had told him that you loved him too. That night was shared with soft kisses on hands and wrists as well as cheeks and foreheads. You went to sleep that night curled in his embrace, his firm chest against your back.

Now it was your anniversary of a year. one who year of dating Simon Riley, the man who was legally dead. You snickered to yourself at the thought of dating a dead man. Simon and you had just finished a walk around your favorite park in London. You both were on leave and had decided that tonight would be the night.

The night that you two connected in as close a way as possible. When your two souls would become one in the most carnal activity a creature can partake in. Now, you knew it would be tough to start but you had faith that once you two eased into it, things would get better.

You opened the door to your apartment with shaky hands. Not because you were nervous, you were excited. It had taken a long time for you to feel confident sexually after your assault but you had worked through that and were confident in your abilities and sexuality.

Simon on the other hand, was not as confident. He didn't seek out therapy like you did. Simon preferred to shove all of his thoughts and feelings down and ignore them until they calcified around his heart. he knew you would understand if he backed out. He knew you wouldn't be upset. Be he didn't want to let you down. You looked so happy and excited to be intimate with him.

There had been many times when he sensed your kisses had become more than innocent kisses and were trying to dive deeper into your need. he felt bad that he wasn't able to satisfy you then, and he promised himself that he would satisfy you tonight. Once the door opened and shut behind them, you looked at Simon in the darkness of the room. Neither of you moved to turn the lights on, only moving to embrace one another.

Your hands went to his shoulders as his went to your waist, holding you still in his large palms. He could feel you practically buzzing with excitement as you pressed your lips to his.

He was alright with this...your lips on his and your body pressed close. He decided to deepen the kiss, licking and nipping at your bottom lip until you opened it for him. You were the one to place your tongue in his mouth, tracing over teeth and scars on the inside where he had bitten his cheeks.

A shutter ran through his body and he couldn't tell if it was a good one or a bad one. He felt himself hardening in his pants and he could feel your hot breath puffing across his cheekbones. He tapped your thighs and you nodded once, jumping so h e could hold you in his arms. You two continued the kissing, not feverish but loving and passionate. Your hands had moved to the base of his skull and had started massaging the place where his head connected to his neck. Again, the felt that shiver course through him. Was it bad or good? He didn't know the answer to that.

He took a few giant steps towards the bedroom where you had preemptively set things up to be as comfortable as possible for you both. There was minimal lighting coming from a small set of LED lights under your bead. White noise from the AC unit blocked out the sound of the traffic and pedestrians on the streets below. The room smelled like both of you and you felt at peace. Simon gently placed you on the bed, kissing down your neck. The sounds you made were lovely to hear. Loud keening moans of his name as he sucked along your neck. He didn't suck hard enough to leave a mark, only enough so that it was more pressure than a regular kiss.

Eventually, you stripped yourself of your shirt, exposing more skin to his touch. Simon removed his shirt as well but he hesitated. You only raised an eyebrow at this as if to ask if he was okay. He nodded and tossed the article of clothing to the side. You gently placed your hands on his shoulders and pushed him to the bed. You grazed your hands up the planes of his torso, tracing every scar and every mark with kisses.

You didn't know that the second Simon's back hit the mattress that he was no longer with you. His mind had been shot back to that damp, dark cell in Mexico where he had laid on the cold concrete floor while women and men used his body for their pleasure. They had been gentle too, before they started to get annoyed at his lack of participation.

You noticed Simon's breathing first. Instead of calm like it had been a few moments ago, it was sharp and shallow. You stopped kissing him and you looked in his eyes. His eyes were wide and his pupils blown. Simon wasn't with you. You got off of Simon, flicking on a lamp and quickly replacing your shirt. You sat back on the bed, placing his head in your lap and tracing your fingers through his hair. You knew well enough not to try and shake him out of one of these spells. he had to come out of it on his own. Once he did come back, he saw you above him, a gentle smile on your face. You were wearing a shirt again and your hands were in his hair. Simon didn't cry often but he couldn't help himself. Salty water leaked unbidden from his eyes as he turned and buried his face in your lap. Heaving sobs shook his frame as he held you tight, his hands gripping your waist.

You said nothing as you ran your fingers through his hair and over his shoulders. You didn't need to say anything. He knew what you were thinking. That it wasn't his fault and that you were proud of him for being willing to try. You were endlessly patient with him and were willing to go at whatever pace he set and for that he was grateful.

It took him about an hour for him to calm down from his panic. The entire time, you had sat there patiently. You didn't say a word, didn't move an inch. All you did was run your hands through his hair and over his skin in a massage. A gentle touch that only belonged to you.

Exhaustion hit him like a truck after he calmed down and he shifted in your grip, moving to lay on his side of the bed. You smiled and stood up, donning your sleep wear. You knew he wouldn't change out of the clothes he was wearing but that was okay. Sheets can always be washed. You turned out the light and moved to lay on your side of the bed. The room was quiet but not tense, things still positive between you. A few minutes passed and you felt Simon wrap his arms around your waist. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and squeezed you three times.

'I love you'

You smiled and tapped his shin with your foot. Three times.

'I love you too'

#dead dove do not eat #simon ghost riley x reader #oneshot #to be linked

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hvuga · 2 years

Text

AMAE — JAPANESE

“To fall into the arms of your loved one."

TW: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH (MENTIONED), DEATH, ILLNESS UNIDENTIFIED, PTSD, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS .

FINALLY!!! for fuck’s sake i was dying to finally post this one shot to SHM and my relieve to FINALLY post it was freeing. I’m so sorry to post this late for anyone who will read it; it is my first time as a non-native english publishing it, so i’m so sorry for thr bad writing and the error conteined here.

Reinstating himself in Konoha was a hard task, not because of the unwelcome aurea, but because of his discernment of the things that are meant to shelter his presence in the village. It took a long time for him to become accustomed again, and yet Sasuke was aware of every little thing that could be wrong for his senses, the discomfort and guilt in Sakura’s eyes never missed his sight, even silent, Haruno spoke louder than words, and Sasuke never wanted this mission if he knew the shit will hit the fan too soon without his presence.

The Uchiha District was a ghostly scene, and he never cared enough to make it otherwise, and something inside him hoped Hinata’s presence changed his perspective from the moment she became his wife. Yet, he knew it’ll be hard, for both of them adjusting in one house. He was still learning to be more open, for her, even if means dug in traumas he wasn’t fully recovered. He licked his wounds often he cost to admit to her, the unbearable feeling of being left to lift his own and his clan honor, and she is never upset for his habits, nor his resentment. Hinata just listened to him, with his large body clearly weighted against her tiny one, she embraced him as if he was her most prized possession, and the avenger let her, because it was the feeling of belonging that kept him sane.

However, the dread culminating through the damaged walls of the district telled him another side of the story: Hinata is drowning again. Sasuke discovered six months after starting dating her, when he felt the sun gradually losing its power when laid his eyes upon her, and for the first time in years his heart was pounding again with an aching worry about another person. He didn’t like the feeling then, and does not like it now. His feet dragged him on the way to his fianceé’s apartment, knowing damn well where she would be. He got the rhythm very quick after learning more about the Hyuuga, and was accustomed to finding her hidden through books, scrolls and some med-nin studies that he was sure she readed more than twenty times. This turn was not different, but the situation has gotten worse since the last time she lost her mind.

He knocked her door with a firm stance, imaginating she would ignore him for starters, and when he was about to do it a second time, the click called his attention, and blending with the darkness there was Hinata, or the shell where she was supposed to be living. Not a word came out of her mouth while both of them stood in the doorway, their eyes analyzing inch by inch of each other. Alas, Hinata was the one who could foresee all and everybody, and Sasuke was not saved by it. Instead of coaxing her into saying something, the Uchiha only let his fingers carefully trace around her features, the promising touch was not uninvited by the Byakugan princess, never was, but her flinching didn't help him think otherwise. "I'm home."

He said those words carefully, studying her reaction through his words, and one part of him lessened the tightness around when she got softer in her eyes. "Welcome home, love" Hinata replied, but it felt off, even if she tried to sound genuine. His fiancée was not there, not yet. Slowly, she made space for him to enter her home, and even if it sounds and appears to be messy, her apartment wasn't nearly as messy as Naruto's, if anything, it was more clean than his apartment. His feet followed her without hesitation, and just stopped when they reached the kitchen, where Hinata put her kettle on the stove and adjusted her tea set before them, but the words that came after made Sasuke suddenly forget his arounds. Hinata was looking at his face, but her white eyes didn’t reach his charcoal ones. "I'm calling off the wedding."

"No." Like hell she was, Sasuke was incredulous, and he hoped his features showed this to her. Besides being a vehement statement, Sasuke knew she wouldn't do a thing like this before thinking, and that line of thoughts hurt more than his pride. The trouble in meeting his eyes standed for minutes, but he wasn't retiring, not until she gave a real answer.

"Sasuke… Please" The fragility in her voice coolled his temper, he stepped back in his weariness, but he enquired for the truth, not buying this shit Hinata pulled off. He already was forming a possible scenário, most likely with that bastard of her father, and the click of his tongue sounded more resentful, startling her. Now, Hinata met his gaze, but the regret shined through them, and the urge to do something about it consumed him.

"I am not leaving until you show me what you are saying it's true. You’re not the Hinata I fell in love with, you are not like this." He spoke forcefully, trying to resonate with her, but he regretted as soon his words came out of his mouth. Hinata still has her backbone, as it seems, her next words boiling his blood.

"That 's the thing! I'm not her anymore, she was already broken, but now is shattered! She doesn't exist anymore! I am certain that you don't want anything broken, and now-" And the final straw finally let go of his rage, upset at how little she thinks of herself, despite being the only person who was actually good.

"Bullshit, that's the best you could come up with? On me, no less?" A bitter laugh ringed in her ears, and Hinata was back in the old habits of hers, stuttering and flinching, avoiding his gaze, making Sasuke click his tongue. He needed to stop himself before doing anything impulsive, especially in this conversation. But his honesty didn’t hold back, and he think is better like this, Hinata isn’t a baby and for fuck’s sake, she knows how to hold her ground.

“I’m protecting you, that’s the reason.” The answer she spitted made him lose his guard in the argument. “I couldn’t bear to live knowing that if you stay by my side, you’re gonna be dead, and I don’t want your blood in my hands, it’s enough. I’ve had enough!” Sasuke was speechless for the first time. Not surprised or shocked, but stalled by the words, because this was the first time that Hinata being selfless hurted him. Looking at his history, he was the one who should get distance from her, but he didn’t, all because of her. He was the selfish bastard who couldn't get enough of her. Hinata was shivering, tears spilling in her cheeks already red with the effort. His stomach dropped with worry, trying to come at her, to involve his woman in his arms, but she distanced herself, her head shaking with denial. "Please, just… go."

The former nukenin let his breath out of his mouth with resignation, his hips leaning into the counter, the serious expression finally in place. Sasuke reasoned with himself quite a lot, thinking ahead of his steps as if he was breathing. It came naturally after his hard life as a genin, and after that he made a survivor instinct. Now when he needed that skill, was thrown out of the window. But all that was unnecessary, as he watched with alarm the color drain of her face and before anything, he catched the Hyuuga in his arms, securing her to not fall, and the dazed look within her eyes told what he needed to know.

“You’re— Hinata, what happened? What happened in the hospital? Fuck, how long have you been—”

“It's fine, happens every now and then. I’m literally a medic, Sasuke, I know how to take care of myself, okay? Don’t worry for noth-”

“You literally fell on my arms!”

“And it is nothing! Go rest, you came from a mission…”

“For fuck’s sake, Hinata, shut your mouth and accept this help for you. I’m not gonna to leave you in this state!” He finished the argument and carried her bride-like through her room, and carefully, he deposited her in the bed, her neck dippin’ in the pillows with ease.

“Rough day, huh?” Scathing, Sasuke returned the topic knowing she would ignore him, but the fact she lacked to care for herself… It was shocking, but not unforeseeable. Hinata was a lioness when it comes to health, but only for the others, and he tired himself out trying to make her see the problem as he, and her other friends, saw it.

Hinata remained silent, not very comfortable with him sizing her with care. After all, who is she to deserve it? Heavens, she was supposed to die but Neji thought she was worth it, that she could’ve changed the Hyuuga, but now look at her mess: she killed a child because the treatment she indicated didn’t work. Worse than that, she watched Kameko die in the same way she watched him, powerless, unworthy of everything.

Why she wasn’t courageous enough to increase her dose, but the doubt always came in moments she needed the most, to be selfish, to be an horrendous sister and end it over in a minute. What in the world did she have, for Kami’s sake? Nothing, it would lessen the burden, for sure. But why not do it?

She was a fucking coward, that’s th—

“Was it Kameko? The little boy you're watching over for quite some time?” The blunt question woke her of the numb feelings, already tired of this, of everything. “Hina. . .”

“I killed him, Sasuke, I brought that pain for him, I let him suffer—”

“Hinata, you knew the case was strong, it’s not your fault, if anything, you tried your best.” He tried to sooth her, but the soulless look she gave to him made the words stop coming.

“My best wasn’t enough.”

He caught her hand between his, his thumb caressing lightly her knuckles, the best comfort he could give to her, but he knew it would never ease. The mourn wasn’t anything but easy to face, and even along with truest people, this could turn in the wrong direction in a blink of an eye. In his last effort, he sided her on the mattress, hand in hand, the words barely a whisper. “Do you want to talk about it?”

It ringed in the room with rueness, his own torment showing off in reflection of her emotions. He didn’t count how much time both were silent in their own world, but his ears perked at her breath released with chagrin. But he listened anyway, the minimal he could do it at the time.

She was still trying to finish her tasks at the hospital, with anxiety blooming in her chest as the time passed by her and the environment. Lucky these days were calm, almost monotone, and the work for Hinata were just check-ups, and bureaucracy paperwork. The Hyuuga heir prides herself for being efficient at those times, it means she could go home early and have a little time with her soon-to-be husband. Between her position as heir of the clan and his work as special guard for the Hokage, Hinata didn’t see Sasuke as much as she wished for, even for the wedding preparations. He tries to stay longer, but the repayment (one thing both agree it’s useless) to the Village is eager to suck Sasuke’s guilt as an act of service.

Bullshit.

Being the only Uchiha alive (as far they know at the moment) turn out to be a political and hard matter to deal with, the elderly council is pressing the Hokage — Kakashi Hatake, the ex-Team 7 mentor — to do something about it even if they know the Uchiha is marrying her (her father don’t let them forget about this, always wanting the ex-nukenin in the prison and away from her). Sasuke is holding it all in his shoulders alone, dealing with every hassle existent even after his involvement with Hinata, when she asked to hold alongside with him, because it pained her how he came more hollow as the time passed, it was a huge mess itself and they didn’t think that was possible to worse the situation more. At moments like this, the raven haired man would detach from everybody, even Hinata, and doesn’t show his face for a week. He will do his work, but his loneliness will consume him little by little if no one dared to step up and help him out of the darkness.

It was Hinata’s first time dealing with his PTSD, as a survivor and veteran of the war. She knew how her trauma worked out in harsh moments, but the single time she was unprepared to deal with his, she almost faced death. Sasuke tried to kill her, unadapted to discern her presence, and when she was able to restore her force, he was already on his knees, resolute to not look into her eyes, guilty darkening his features with sorrow and regret. He made her promise to not do that anymore, but she was silent all the way, still ringing his own pain instead of hers.

“I will never be at peace with myself again if I hurt you in any way” said the Uchiha for her, but she knows deep down the punishment got stuck in his mind. He was doing this especially for Naruto and Sakura, for his regret to be wash away with real actions, even if the Team Seven were more happy to have Sasuke with them as part of their dysfunctional family, they didn’t care enough about the sentence as long he was comfortable with it and was willing to do it — Naruto tried to convince him to break out and he would come with the story of his choice to stay in the shadows. The Uzumaki would deal with the council later, after all “these moaning bitches need to be replaced with people who lived enough to understand”, his words, not hers. — but the avenger refused so many times that ‘no’ became a second language for him.

Her thoughts about seeing Sasuke early was quickly pushed in the back of her mind when Sakura’s screams were banging on her door, forcing her to move with the same despair that her friend expressed in her tone, understanding nothing until Kameko’s name jumped off Haruno’s mouth.

Please, Kami, no.

Her heart accelerates on her chest, trying to process what is happening with him, reviewing what she did wrong, what she didn’t see, what she did to him to turn his state in so little time, Sakura hot on her heels right behind her, informing the situation. His illness was having the best of him, and even if the Hyuuga stabilizes before things get out of hand, she knew she will hurt him, disabilitate Kameko for the prior study of his case was an awful idea, even if Tsunade had agreed at the time, it was her — and only her — fault. She cannot bear to lose him, not for her mistake and not for his illness.

Knowing with the palm of her hand the way, she made there in a record time, stomping at the door and already seeing TenTen and Shizune using their healing technique on the little boy, who is not responding right away, and her anxiety crawled on her lungs, difficulting her breathing, making her lips suck the air present, nothing really easing her mind. Invaded by regret, she activated her kekkei genkai, trying to look at the most damaged part to fix it. Her search lasted five seconds, before finally realizing it. Kameko was dying.

Hinata’s fingers were moving on the little boy tenketsus, liberating their points to alleviate his tensions, which closed itself, provoking his last decline. While TenTen healed his other parts, easing the pain and discomfort. Gradually his signs stabilized, leaving the four doctors breathing with discomfort for using too much chakra, but what woke Hinata of her numb state was his little hand grasped on her sleeve, two green deep eyes looking right at her soul with tired acceptance, hopeless. Not even an ounce of accusation, innocent eyes feeling all at the same time. When he finally spoke, the indigo haired woman refrained herself from speaking, to tell him to rest. It was ending soon, she would promise, please let me save you, she would beg.

“H…Hina-cha..n'' Kameko mouthed with dim light of genuine happiness, Hinata blinked back the tears on her eyes, the lump on her throat making it impossible to digest her tears, when he tried to force more words to come out of his mouth, the soft and calloused hands of the princess lingered in his face, with a ghosted affection. Hinata noticed the pale skin and his dark bags, the signs of weariness he was suffering during the treatment. Another time, his little mouth tried to communicate with Hinata, and already feeling defeated by his stubbornness, the med-nin transferred some of her chakra, her fingers caressing his chin with affection.

“I…I’ll b…e good?” He voiced, his voice so weak that Hinata barely understood for a moment and inside, her heart breaking in little pieces, and she looked up to the white roof of the room, and when she gazed with a faint little smile, Hinata didn’t had the courage to say something more than a uttered “You’re gonna be fine, my little firefly” Then, Kameko smiled back at her, believing and drinking at her tiny string of hope. It pained her as much as seeing him get hurt from his medicines.

Finally letting him rest properly before his meal, Hinata faced Shizune with a worn out expression, not daring to look into her sorry eyes, and left the room with long paces and her heart heavy with guilt. Coming to her safe space would bring some air to her thoughts, trying to resonate in solutions for him, all over again. She can’t let him have all this pain to himself. He’s nine, nine years old, she recalled with sorrow, and then other images filled her mind non-stop.

One of them was his birthday at the hospital, how Kameko was feeble, and that day was especially hard for him, but her team made a little celebration for him, for his improvement, his progress in this never ending infirmity. He was so happy the moment he offered her a piece of his cake, explaining it was “a work of the two of them”, so she needed to eat the cake too.

She cried all night long after this, knowing how much hurt he was, how he will never be able to come back normal after all the treatment. Hinata ruined his life.

She is worse than an assassin.

A few hours later, Hinata was called by Tsunade in her office, ice spreading to her spine, expecting nothing good from Sannin's lips. Reaching her door, the Hyuuga knocks three times before hearing the hoarse voice of Senju letting her enter the room. A sigh left her mouth without her permission, watching the medic with resignation and acceptance, bloodshot eyes and watery lashes inducing she already cried enough for the day.

“Tsunade-sama, you asked for me?” Her own voice wasn’t in her steady tone, but Hinata tried to bulk up before her unprofessionalism showed any more in the conversation. After years living within the Hyuugas, the Byakugan princess knew almost every emotion after analyzing their posture, however, it wasn’t like the Senju were trying to hide her emotions, with an open facade and honesty flowing through her eyes. The reason for the meeting drowned her senses right after her question, and slowly drew her breath. Her stomach finally drops with the response, and is becoming harder to not feel the shame, guilt building their way into her throat. She didn’t make it, she would lose again, and her brain couldn’t grasp the fact with lucidity.

“Dr. Hyuuga, I’m sorry for you to hear that, but Shizune notified me earlier that Kameko wasn’t responding to the medication after the episode you stabilized his vitals, and unfortunately, she reported his worsening about fifteen minutes ago.” The lump in her throat became unbearable at that point, it’s coming all over again. Tsunade attempted to ease the request behind the words, her grieving were clear after words came out of her mouth. Hinata only acknowledged her words — is useless, she knows, but now she needs it. “He was asking you, to read a story.” And she won’t deny his request, she never did.

Hinata was slowing her pace, as if not believing she was doing this. He was about to graduate at the academy, just to be taken away from a disease, one that haunts every person who knew about it. Hinata couldn't be more disappointed and angry at herself because of that, she should have searched for more ways, more paths to follow that didn't need to let go of him. He was a child, for God's sake.

Her hand grew cold, afraid of facing his sweet face, to say goodbye to his smile, his eyes, his bright personality. Everything is remembering him. And trying to rip off the band-aid already, Hinata entered his room with a small smile, her eyes forcing the light to come out to brighten his day one more time. Gazing him on bed, Hyuuga was already his point of focus, showing true affection into his green eyes. On his side there’s a book, his appearance was old and too much readed through the years, but Kameko couldn’t care less about it, drawn to its words like it was the very first time.

“You’re fulfilling your promise, a‘ight?”

“Of course, firefly, I will never forget it” He made an effort to make space for her, and gracefully Hinata sat at his side, the book in her hand ready on the page. Hinata slipped her fingers through his hair, feeling his little body fit perfectly to her side, in a one-arm-embrace. Hinata read out loud the title with an uttered voice, soothing his heart pace. “The Solitude of the Winter.”

“There’s a time when the seasons lay upon the earth, particularly to watch how their work was advancing through the months, and alongside the humans, they lived as kings and queens. Each one of the four were tamed by how they decided to treat their people. The least connected with their sprout was Winter, the god is nothing like the warm, bright and cozy companions, distancing himself off them was the best choice. He doesn’t trust his power nor his reactions to them, and it was better like this.” A little huff escaped from Kameko and Hinata rolled her eyes, playfully, understanding very well what the kid was implying. He is the god Winter now.

“Sometimes, his fellow animals — the ones who could survive the deadly coldness that revolves his powers — asked so many times what was the reason for that, but as the same amount asked, he responded with a simple “I would be the cause of their death.’” Hinata made a icy and soothed voice, representing the character, smiling a little seeing the admiration in Kameko’s eyes “and was left alone in his own habitat, the solitude being his faithful friend until the end. Deciding to live his year away from the others, the god choses a wide space in the mountains to live there and not have contact with the humans, and by choice, with the other gods. He had lived enough for six thousand years, always repeating the process. This time wasn’t different for him. Or so he thought.”

A little gasp of surprise from Kameko made Hinata fully see him at her side, his eager look faking it to make her laugh, working every time. “What happened then?”

“Oh, you see… a little fugitive ran away from home, this girl was named Hima. She didn’t know what else to do, since her parents were consumed by hunger, and she didn’t want to live with his aunt, a severe woman who didn't like her at all. Climbing the mountain was the easy part, since she was so clever that every obstacle the god Winter put on her way was dodged. She slowly makes it to the castle’s entrance, enchanted by the intricate ornaments and ice sculptures, and when she was close to entering the place, Winter descended upon him, curious of how the girl survived all of his traps.”

“She was destined to reach it. If the Fates would want her to do it, then she will do it in any way.” Kameko stated, and Hinata stilled herself to not cringe at his side, disturbed at how this brought all of her memories with simple words. How weak and affected by it she was. Him is all what she thought nowadays, even after two years passed.

déjà vu. déjà vécu. déjà éprouvé.

Already seen, already lived, already experienced.

Trying not to run off this conversation, Hinata regained her control and came back to her telling, distracting both of them with things that could hurt more than before. “Yes, but Winter thought differently at the time, feeling that this girl was like nothing from there and she doesn't belong to the misery. He tried to tell her that, so many times, it wasn’t safe for a girl like her to live there.” Told with a somber expression. Kameko rested his head on her shoulders at this moment, listening intently, his breathing calm as a breeze. Hinata knew the steps by now, just waiting for his first snore.

“And what happened, Hina-chan? What the god did?”

“Step by step, Winter guides Hima through his castle, allegedly saying it was temporary, that she won’t survive within these walls, but she didn't seem to care, already feeling much better than her aunt's home. Oh heavens, what will he do now? Nothing scares the little girl, and the ancient deity was running out of ideas. Inside him, a little sparkle flew in her heart, not wanting to give false hopes to him, to grow fond of her presence. He cannot go on with this little game, he wasn’t warm and receptive as a father, Winter never was a father. The following days were filled with attempts of her to get to know him, but he bolted through the halls with the same idea of escaping a bonfire. It was welcoming at first, but if you are not careful and are diligent enough, you get burned into the fire. He is not willing to feel this sensation through his heart again.

Although, even trying his best to avoid the human kid, Winter didn’t obtain success. Hima’s efforts to carve a place in his heart were intriguing, and worked as fine as she wanted. Now, his heart and mind battled to set a verdict, he was conflicted by his own mind and ideals. The girl was earning her stay, doing what she could and couldn’t just thanking his help during these days. She woke up early to help in the chores, and she loved to see the castle build itself during her duties, especially when the lonely Winter was together, the magic was astonishing, making the feeling of leave almost pang her chest.

Unfortunately weeks later a tragedy happened, affecting primarily the energy in the environment. With sorrow, the god fell ill because of his lack of powers, it reached the pike as time of the year passed with a fastness unknown of him. In times like this, he never felt the disease consummate him, but the arrival of the girl and the feeling blooming into his heart, he was indifferent to the change, until the day. Hima won’t let him die like this, not when the seasons need him, and then she promised him she will find a cure, a way to save him like he saved her, days ago. So the girl gathered the things she needed to reach out the god’s companions, and bid her farewell with a longing pain, not wanting to leave the king alone. During her trip, the girl helped and searched in every corner she came across, but then just when she was close to find the first goddess, the Fall — closer to the Winter, and a very good friend —, the girl was ambushed by hunters and his dogs.” At the end of her sentence, Kameko was grieving for the little girl, and Hinata brought him to her arms, and peppered light kisses in his head, comforting him with caution, not wanting to make him more sad. And then, the idea came. “Then, with a leap of faith, the little girl cried for one of the three gods to help her, she touched Winter’s name, the Summer, the queen of the sun and the breeze, descended into the ambush and liberated the little girl with a flourish, disappearing with the two of them in a safe place, and during the time Hima was there, she hurried to explain the situation, and the goddess felt all the sorrow to finally understand the meaning of this, ashamed of her lack of action regarding his long lost friend. And rushed in her thoughts, the goddess finally gathered a cure for the god, leaving her hideaway with Hima at her side.”

Surprised and taken back by the change the kunoichi did with his story, Kameko searched for her eyes, pearl in jade, and when the hope glistened through them, Hinata put a half smirk, knowing the feeling. Then, the question came with a lightning speed. “They make it in time? They did?!”

“Yes, the king was surprised, and more than that, he felt the gratitude and finally let the love flow through his fibers, his words lost between the gratitude and the feeling of being whole again. Winter’s solitude was nothing compared to his new family, he was already at home. He didn’t need anything besides these two people. And from now on, Winter happily accepted Hima and the Summer as his, and vice versa.” The little cheer coming from Kameko eased up her lump, the heaviness forgotten for a few minutes. Imperceptibly, the child opened his mouth, not suppressing the yawn that came out and Hinata chuckled softly before tucking him in her arms. Two tiny arms were tight (or as tight an ill child could hold her) around her waist, and the Hyuuga watched the rise and fall of his chest carefully, heartbeat in her fingers drumming the last song, playing alone ‘till the end of the concert, leaving the only mark he could do. And Hinata felt everything and nothing.

“For what is worth in those months, Hinata-chan, you did everything that could help. You’re a good person, an even great doctor, okay? Please, be safe.” Sakura’s words ringed through her ears, but were like air, already leaving and doing no good. But she won’t blame her friend, she will never do that, because her heart was carrying another duty: overprocess and overthink. She had done that a lot.

The worst part always came after, it wasn’t a matter of how, but when. She was familiar with the feeling haunting her what-ifs every now and then, because it was what the kunoichi of Konoha assigned for after the Great War. They cannot complain about the work, because it was a collateral effect. Death was a collateral effect. That doesn’t mean that it won’t hurt every time, because the life on their hands was counting on them to live for, to continue their days after. Hinata knew this like a mantra, living in her head and triggering bad habits she already controlled. Alas, her decline came from time to time, knowing very well where to attack, for the longest time haunting her dreams, using this as the images fill her up in the wrong times, depriving her of sleeping — it was useless, after all — and instead of searching for help for herself, she did the other way around: living in the hospital, trading every shift Ino, Sakura or TenTen was willing to give to have some rest. It was the only time she could take her mind off everything, and if that improves her effect on the life of her patients, she gladly does it.

The Byakugan Princess didn’t feel proud of this, but it is a good thing she was still there to help. So many people were needing this, even if her heart sank at the some cases given to her — helpless cases, like Kameko’s —, Hinata tried to put a smile on her face, to endure courage on some of her patients, principly the children. They were in her area of specialization, whose mostly light cases, but the minor parts of the same cases evolve to graves, and she proceeds along with Sakura, being the head of operation. It becomes the problem here, when she has to look in those bright faces and after that, crush their little faith with the results.

Hinata was never ready to say goodbye to such young faces, after some time, fighting their battles became harder, with zero results or solutions, her despair led her to dark places, and a break is required, but does little to her peace of mind. It wasn’t enough, she wasn’t trying harder enough, even if Tsunade recognizes her efforts to new paths. She wasn’t saving anyone, and her failure was a shame on her history.

After her last case, she burnt out as she left his room, her mind a fucked up mess. It got stuck on her heart, how easily a life slipped through her hands, when she was there to help, if she were an genius, like Neji, she would solved the case in a bat of an eye, because Neji knew everything, because Neji were logical and persistent enough to seek every recurse that existed in the Land of Fire. She didn’t bother going to work, receiving a three-days pass from Tsunade. But after this low blow, Hinata felt the duty upon her to not repeat the same mistake again. No one will die in her hands anymore.

She forgot, for three days straight, her life outside her apartment, her head between books, scrolls, and everything she found promising to her search. In seventy-two hours, her eyes never met the darkness or a good time to sleep, completely awake, and afraid to meet her dreams and see something she won’t be able to get off her mind. To see his disappointed face, and how unequal both of them were, how he wasted his life to see her fail in every aspect of her life, trying only for him.

Neji’s life was taken away by mistake and now she has to live upon his expectations, never meeting to honor his legacy. And now, along with her cousin, Kameko's weary and hopeless facade was impregnated on everything her eyes land, not trusting them to be lucid.

Well, it’s not like she wouldn’t welcome madness as an old friend.

The lump at his throat didn’t let him say all the things he wanted to say to her, because he wouldn’t know if words would be enough for her. Her fragile demeanor was back again, and his arms reached for her at the exact moment she leaned into him, trusting, as if he could save her. In his mind, Sasuke shook his head with the irony of the things. His hands were dirty with the blood of people he thought was unworthy, her — unwilling — were carrying the blood of people she couldn't save, but she did everything to do so. Finally finding his words, Sasuke made her lock her pearled eyes on his onix ones, the seriousness in his tone not leaving for nothing.

“This world doesn’t deserve someone like you, Hyuuga, that’s what I think of it. You did everything in your power, the disease got the best on that day, but it didn’t wash your effort to do so.” Hinata tried to protest, tears filling her gaze, and his thumb glided gently in her bottom lip, not wanting to hear another word. It was his time to do something to her. “Don’t you dare correct me, you know — deep down — it is true. You’re fucking amazing, Hinata. You did it every single time, you don’t need to be a hero, you saved more lives than most shinobi living on this earth, recognize this as your worth. Some people sadly will go away, but it’s not your fault, and it never will be your fault. Put this in your head, little by little if you want, but without you, many of us couldn’t make it ‘till today, be proud.”

The look in her eyes made his heart pang with anguish. Admiration was never good on him at any kind of moment, and Hinata looking at him like this didn’t help at all. If he told her about the darkness living underneath his skin, would she still look at him as she is right now? Or be with him, at some point? He was tainted, and brushing her with his guilt and sins was never an option. Sasuke tried to ignore all of this, changing the turn of the conversation where it was supposed to be. On her. And he never failed to foresee the things about Hinata.

Eyes heavy, her breathing becoming even while she was holding his waist. He knew what was coming, and smirking slightly at her, the former criminal just kissed her forehead, his lips whispering soothing at her hair. “Sleep. I'll fight the bad dreams off if they come to get you.” Hinata didn't have to be told twice.

#sasuhinamonth2022 #shmonth2022 #shmonth #hvuga #day 1 #amae #what a ghostly scene #sasuhina #ffnet #★ ── talia writes

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strangerwheelerthings · 1 year

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Im aware this is an out-there theory, but it has claimed my MIND at the concept of it! Have you ever considered the fact that Vecna was proven to need to build up the connection with his victims? Not only did he need a full 24 hours between killings, but he also couldn't immediately start with intense awake visions. It started with nightmares and headaches.

Now, consider this, Nancy didn't mention anything about recognizing the new patterns that Max did. Yet, he had her fully in his grasp. What if that's because it wasn't new?? She thought nothing of the random migraines she'd been getting "from stress" since 1983. The vivid and guilt inducing nightmares were to be expected, right? They all have ptsd, so she's just like everyone else.

It never occurred to her to worry about psychic attacks when she was 16, and she didn't feel any level of possesed when she realized that was a possibility the next year. Therefore, she never thought to worry about her being the only guilt ridden, traumatized individual aside from Will to make it out of the Upside Down. Hopper and Joyce may have been scared, but they had hope and a direction. Nancy, on the other hand, was a teenager actively checking off all of Vecna's boxes at once. All he needed to do was open the smallest little channel.

Then comes the question, well if he'd created the connection in season 1, why didn't it come into play earlier?

Strategy.

He had one player on the board already, one he had much deeper claws into. It took a year for him to fully gain possession of Will despite that anyway. Nancy was a thin line that would keep him connected to Hawkins, even with the gates closed. A crack in the barrier, so to speak.

He must have quickly realized that she was smart and a leader in the group, so he deepened the connection slowly. He couldn't control her with this type of connection, but he could weaken her mind. He could plague her with nightmares that deepened her guilt and fear. He could make her scared, and more desperate, instead of clearheaded.

That's exactly what he did, too, while also using her alone as a mouthpiece. He developed his skills and his connection over the years, and eventually, he was strong enough to use that crack to grab hold of other traumatized kids' minds. With her as an achor, he could widen the crack and gain a larger foothold into the real world. And then he scared her into acting rashly, with a desperate bid that led to Max's (temporary) death. In fact, he tells Max and El that he already knows their plan and proves it BY KNOWING WHERE NANCY AND CO ARE.

Anyway, this would explain both why he kept her (trauma central and his lead irritant) alive and chose her in the first place. Anyone he already had planned to kill could have easily been used as a mouthpiece at any point before that. She honestly should have been among his list of guilt ridden teenagers. She has been a major roadblock in the past.

He could have just shown her the "future" and not his past, not his reason's. He wanted her to know him though. (Yes, she's the reporter of the group, and he's a serial killer, who are known to often flaunt their kills, shhhhh) He felt connected to her for some reason, and felt her worthy. How and why would he know that?

Anyway, food for thought.

#please someone see this I am losing my mind #I Love the idea of this #even while I Know it Technically isn't canon #and never will be #nancy wheeler #stranger things #stranger things thoughts #stranger things theory #st theory #upside down #will byers #vecna stranger things #vecna & nancy #like somehow it KINDA WORKS THO?????

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typewriter83 · 16 days

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Look, I just wanna prepare you because this might be the longest feedback I eve did by now for your chapters.

First of all, I loved the🌶️🌶️, thank you.

Secondly, the dina and jesse thing got me intriged and I'm mad at jesse, and I'm trying not to be mad at dina too. In one second they were treating ellie so well and in the other, bang, harsh and silent treatment. I am suspicious that maybe dina had suffered some kind of uncomfortable thing from david, but why does they keep blaming ellie for that? She didn't asked to be invited for dinner, jesse was acusing her of associating herself with the pastor and I was like "? What's going on, what does he mean?". And also, I'm also trying to figure how ellie and joel's interaction (or at least the perspective of jesse about it) could have hurt dina that much. I mean, if that girl had ptsd from past trauma with some older man when she heard about them I get it, but seemed a little more than that, like it was personal. I felt as confused as ellie in this chapter. Everyone just treated like shit and there wasn't even an explanation from their part🫠

Also, the dinner scene. Man, I'm really curious about how can someone think "oh this pastor has some trauma, he would make such a good therapist😍" It's really laughable, maria is a bit crazy. All don't know how tommy feels about it. I mean, he said he thought that was a good idea, but maybe he said that just so maria wouldn't make him sleep on the couch tonight? Maybe, I don't know. Also, I know it's wrong to laugh about it, but is it just me or it is actually funny how maria is trying to heal ellie's trauma and will give her another trauma🤦🏼‍♀️the irony, my god. David is such a creep, yikes.

Also, I'm mad at joel. He has to come out later wirh a really good explanation to why the hell did he lie to ellie to hang out with that woman. Dude, I felt ellie's betrayal. I wanted to punch him when he was laughing and walking away grrr. I really want ellie and kenny causing some jealousy on joel, we will get that??? I want him to suffer too muahahaha.

Also, by the end of the chapter I wanted to put maria, tommy, joel, dina and jesse in a room and punch all of them. They all found a way to leave poor Ellie alone and without enough options of company. Mom and Dad wannabes scared her to a point she was practically running from their house, joel and dina suddently ditched her, joel- I won't even talk about him, I'm mad at him. Oh God I was hoping things would be head for david to reach out on his plans, but if everyone else don't cooperate, ellie might be an easy target because of damn loneliness.

Oh my, I’m always overwhelmed and flattered when any of y’all take this much of an interest in something I write. Let’s see if we can’t pick this apart and put it back together for you 😘

🌶️🌶️🤭 for about a year now, I’ve been pushing myself to write for a more mature audience. Honestly, I’m taken aback that anyone likes it - and I’m not saying that to be self deprecating, it’s still something I struggle with, but I’m kind of starting to enjoy it 🫣❤️‍🔥

Let’s take everyone we’ve met and interacted with and line them: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, Dina, Jesse, David. (Side note: I’m gonna be honest about Kenny - I threw him in there because he was fun from the last universe, and I wanted Jesse to have a male friend, he really serves no purpose at this point so, he’s just there) so, everyone we’ve met and toss them into the air and jumble them up because that’s where we are - right?

Not really - everything does line up, but you as the reader just can’t see it yet because you’re only seeing it from Ellie’s perspective. When you take a second look, if you so choose, and have that piece of knowledge, that this is all from Ellie’s POV then it’s going to be confusing and it’s going to be jumbled.

Remember: Tommy is stuck between a rock and a hard place with Maria and Joel. Maria actually is the nosy busy body that I make her out to be, but she also doesn’t have all the information she needs. Dina, Jesse, and Ellie are new friends, they haven’t built up their trust yet. Joel… don’t hate him too much. David… hate him as much as you think you should.

Plus, if I gave you everything, why would you come back for chapter 9? There’s a reason why I wrote it the way I did, and I can promise that everything you’re confused about - from the Ellie/Dina/Jesse interaction, to the dinner scene, to the Ellie/Jesse scene on the porch - even the Joel/Esther interaction will make sense in due time.

Also, spoiler alert, don’t be too mad at Joel - remember, we saw him from Ellie’s point of view. That’s all I’m gonna say on that.

Thank you so much for reading and leaving such a sweet, detailed analysis comment. D&C is up next, then we’ll come back to Jackson.

🫶🏻

#mama bear speaks #ask away!#ltw ao3

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indigo474 · 4 months

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31:00~~2/10/24~~

I ran my 2nd 5 k today and managed to run 3 minutes and 26 seconds faster than last time.. l'm not even sure how that is possible.. it must be the hills. i am so proud of myself and again amazed. a tiny tiny voice tells me i could have done better.. maybe... Madison came wiht me for support. I saw people there alone so next time I wont bother her to come with me, unless she wants to of course. I wish i had someone to celebrate with. i'm thankful for Maddy.. I'm thankful for a lot but still wish i had someone. i thought a lot today about how my divorce was/is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. I thought about how i hate hate hate how people say ohh sorry for your divorce. I thought about how it would have been a shame for me to not be the person i am today and how much i have learned and grown and healed. i thought about how i wish i had left sooner .. i dont let myself go too fr down that trail. I left and thats all that matters.. all these great things. Me- i dont know if i will ever be use to this life and these feelings of happiness.. when i laugh, i laugh.. joy. i did not have that or feel that for a lot of years and the last thing i wanted was to really feel anything because none of it was any good and now.. now.. peace. Peace.. and love. Madison is sweet to me. she knows i eat an apple a day and when she shops she has been making sure to buy apples. when we lived in our apartment she would always make sure to leave the outside light on for me.. i hate walking up to a dark house.. ptsd from Chatham. If he turned the automatic light off i knew i was in trouble. sooo.. i guess i'll keep running..

I am not a game player. Its just not my natural state. Pam has issue. Deep seeded trauma from her childhood.. its so obvious to me. the way she talks and her need to be liked and seen as cool and the way she tries to manipulate the people around her. She's smart but not intelligent. So, whatever.. i'm not friends with any of them.. there's one supervisor i kind of like, she was my first supervisor when i started.. and she is weird. None of it matters. I'm working from home tomorrow. I didnt get nearly enough sleep last night. I didnt want to get out of bed this morning. i tried to be nice to my Mom this week, i was being kind and supportive and she can not accept love because she does not love herself . she hates herself and doesnt think she deserves kindness or love and that is not my problem. do i love myself enough to be able to receive love?

I spoke to my manager in regards to the very important meeting she missed. She claims to have wanted to be there but it was thrown together last minute and she was not made aware of the time. Drew was in charge of the timing. Drew is always in charge of the meeting times and he sucks at it. I pretty much said that to her but in a professional way. its taken a year but his scheduling skills infuriate me. people pretty much do what benefits them. Drew has a attitude about people leaving work at 5.. he feels we should all stay later. He is late to work everyday and it benefits him to stay later so misses the rush hour traffic. ive stayed late in the past to accommodate him. I'm not doing that anymore. I get to work early almost every day. I am not staying later than i have to. I feel like he doesnt value other peoples time. he's called me 2 x in 2 days while i wasn't work.. he called me today while i was in walmart talking nonsense.. i got a new rep who is a total idiot. he never should have made it out of training and Drew is acting like he's been on team for a long time and what am i going to do about him. He's been on my team for less than 20 hrs- he was on Drew's team for 90+ days- how and why did this guy become my problem when he has been a problem all along.

I'm going to read the Bhagavad Gita- maybe finish it. I have been sleeping a little too good.. through the night good. the funny thing about work is none of it matters.. we can all be replaced tomorrow and that place would still go on. I shouldn't let it stress me out. i woke up with my period today. silence is beautiful. You're doing a great job April.. keep going! Good night

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laffy-taffy-creations · 8 months

Text

This is for dayyyyy 15!

This was cross-posted on AO3 here

Some Wounds Can't Be Healed

Makeshift Bandages | Suppressed Suffering | "I'm fine"

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Words: 1,253

Warnings: near death, stab wounds, past human experimentation, mentioned kidnapping, child abuse, child trauma, ptsd

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I don't need you to help me, I can handle things myself."

"OV! You have a stab wound through your godsdamned gut! You are not doing this mission without help!" Kiri shouted at me.

"I'm fine. Leave me alone."

"Absolutely not! I know you're the only one that can hack their servers, but-"

I cut him off with a punch to a wall that left some cracks in the concrete. He flinched back.

"Okay, I get that you're strong and can handle yourself, but you still-"

"Zip it. I do not need your help on this. You can follow me if you feel like it but no interfering, got it?"

He nodded enthusiastically, all too willing to follow me into danger's door. Probably hoping to at least keep me away from death's door.

----《 ¤ 》----

He followed me through the base wincing each time I did at any aggravation to the injury, but ultimately followed my directions and didn't interfere.

I picked the lock to the server room and got us in, immediately sensing a trap. 'There's a trap here somewhere, be on your toes.'

The whole thing was as close to a wet dream as I'd probably get being an ace tech nerd. So many servers and racks of information, all ready for the taking…

Focus. You're here to hack the servers and get the required information, nothing else…

The interface was like something from a movie, several large screens up against one of the walls. I found the keyboard and started up the system, tapping away at a password by-pass and navigating through the files to find the required information.

"You're pretty quick at that…"

"For someone who has a stab through their gut?" I mocked.

I got out my flash drive, the wrong one, and uploaded Donovan into the systems, making sure he was secure enough to continue his own upload via wireless connection before removing it and switching it out for the right drive this time.

I put the desired information on it and turned off the interface.

"I told you, it wouldn't be that big a deal. It's just a simple stab wound. Seriously, we're pros now, you have had years of first hand experience with how indestructible I am."

"That doesn't mean you can be reckless! You still need someone just in case if you have a major injury."

"A stab wound to my gut is not a major injury."

"YES THE FUCK IT IS!"

"Is not."

"Blackout, NOBODY BUT YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO SURVIVE A GASH LIKE THAT WITHOUT IMMEDIATE MEDICAL ATTENTION."

"That's an 'everyone else' problem then."

"Don't you dare say you're 'built different'-"

"I'm just built different from all you hoes. Now c'mon, we need to get going. Just because it doesn't impede me doesn't mean it doesn't fucking hurt."

"I am going to hit you with a book once you're better."

I started walking back the way we came. "I'd like to see you try-"

A knife through my throat cut me off for 2 reasons. 1, it was now blocking my ability to speak, and 2, even if it wasn't it shocked me enough where I would've stopped anyway.

"VEE!"

I knew there was a fucking trap!

I staggered a little bit, but managed to keep my composure.

For the sake of not being questioned I should have at least fake passed out if not fake died temporarily, but instead I decided to take out the knife, angry as fuck and ready to bash in the skull of whoever threw it at me.

"Show yourself you coward!" I shouted as best I could.

I heard my attacker from the other side of the door. "How the fuck-"

"I SAID SHOW YOURSELF BITCH!"

I charged at the doorway where it'd been thrown from.

Part of the wall cracked and crumbled where I ended up hitting it, and the villain that dared to poke the already wounded and angry bear began to recoil. Apparently me surviving a knife to the throat was not in their plan.

I tackled them and locked their wrists in some power-blocking cuffs, before my adrenaline began to leave me and the sheer agony almost made me pass out.

Kiri was right behind me, catching me before I hit anything and dragged me off the incapacitated villain. He fix the bandages on my stomach that got messed up somehow and cut part off, securing it around my neck.

"I'm telling you Vee, shit like this is why you need a back-up."

I groaned as he called in for some help and picked me up, carrying me out of the building.

"Don't you dare hand me off to those bastards."

"Vee, you can make demands once you're not on the brink of passing out."

"I'm fine."

"No, no you're not."

Painful as it was, I resituated myself a bit to punch him in the arm. It was weak, but even my version of weak ended up being relatively strong when I had some control over myself.

"You punching me does nothing."

"Fuuuck, fine, but just don't hand me off to the medics. I don't like dealing with questions."

"The medics are the reason you're still standing."

"Newsflash, the medics aren't the ones that healed me after every dire situation you've seen me in."

He paused. "I'm still handing you over to them."

"No the fuck you're not."

"...I'll bite, if the medics haven't been healing you, who has?"

"Me."

"Vee."

"I'm not fucking joking. Put me down, I'll prove it."

----《 ¤ 》----

I hissed at the feeling of undoing the bandages. The fact I really needed to get rid of them did nothing to soothe the agitation it caused my body.

Kiri waited patiently until I'd fully uncovered the wound. "Okay, now what?"

I took a deep breath in and focused my energy towards the first of the extra quirks that had been forced onto me. A ball of green light formed around my palm and I held it up to the wound.

He watched in awe as it sealed itself up and I sighed in relief.

"How long have you been hiding that from everyone?" He asked in an accusatory tone.

"How long have you known me?" I shot back, undoing the hastily done wrap around my neck. After I healed that I picked up both the bandages to be thrown in the trash.

"Vee… this really doesn't seem like something you should be hiding."

"How so?"

"It just… we're you're friends, knowing you have a healing quirk would be not only beneficial as friends, but also useful, y'know?"

"No, I don't know how sharing extra-personal information is helpful to people."

"What exactly makes it so extra-personal? It's just another quirk, is it not?"

No, because I got it through being experimented on. No, because it was forced upon me. No, because I was kidnapped to have it. No, because it's not the only one I was forced to have. No, because it has major ties to my trauma.

"No," I answered.

"Well then explain it to me. I don't care how messy it is. Just tell me."

What do I tell him? Do I talk about the kidnapping? The child-abuse? The need to grow up way to quickly? The need to fend for myself starting at 9? The way I was treated? Which of the pro-heroes did this?

"I-it… it was…" I started, before I started to cry. He was quick to pull me into a hug.

I never finished that sentence.

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