#so tired of people in my life questioning why i’m going into education

[bless-my-demons]

Redamancy: Chapter Seven

Series Summary: What happens when your soulmate is a vampire that struggles to maintain a diet of trying not to kill you? Common sense says run for the hills, nothing is worth your life - but my heart is whispering why not, what’s there to lose?

Warnings: Jasper… because I’m horrible at holding out for a slow burn, but it’s tame don’t worry!

Notes: So sorry it’s a day late than normal, work has kept me heckin’ tired. Again, thank you for all the love so far! I can’t believe you amazing people actually like what I write!

Word Count: 1672

Series Masterlist

• March 9th, 2005 • Home •

Reader

Deciding to play sick to avoid going to school since my cheek is still tender from last night, I made a show of spending the morning pretend-vomiting. I managed to convince my mother that I was fine enough to stay home alone today from school. She ended up finally leaving for work twenty minutes late after some encouragement from me behind my closed bedroom door, but only after I heard her rummaging around in the kitchen - laying out supplies for soup, crackers, and bottles of water so that I didn’t have to search for it in my ‘state’.

I’m still fuming from my argument with Jasper last night. I’m beyond grateful for his rescue, but mad he couldn’t tell me how he pulled it off. What the fuck is he hiding? Did Bella manage to get an answer from Edward? I rub my head where my scalp still tingles from the rough treatment yesterday as I contemplate theories.

Grabbing my phone, I flip it open and type Bella a message: My house after school? Mom will be at work.

It only takes a few moments before my cell vibrates: Definitely, Edward told me everything.

I stare at my phone, surprised. Everything? Everything as in, last night? Or why they aren’t allowed on the rez? Why they’re so fucking cryptic all the time? Why no one has been able to penetrate their tight-knit group?

A knock on my front door disturbs me from my thoughts; glancing at the clock, it shows that it’s about halfway through first period already. Who would-

More insistent knocking. Alright, alright I think as I descend the stairs.

“Hello-“ I greet, swinging the door open, but I stop short at who is standing on my front porch: Jasper Hale.

“You’re not at school.” He says, standing there like I offended him by not showing.

“Very astute of you. I’m mad at you, Sherlock.” Folding my arms across my chest, I level him with a gaze that would normally melt a normal boy.

But he isn’t a normal boy and he can’t tell me why.

“Education is important.”

I laugh and fire back, “The truth is important.”

“Invite me in.” He asks, stepping up to the doorway. I know he’s giving me control instead of just barging inside - especially after what happened last night, but who is he to make requests right now?

“No.” I don’t budge, not giving him an inch.

“Then take a walk with me, darlin’.” I can feel my anger waver as I continue to stare into his dark eyes. I try to fight it, but a wave of curiosity douses my anger and I cave reluctantly.

“I need shoes.” I tell him in a clipped tone as I turn on my heel for the hallway closet.

“Grab a jacket too, doll.”

I huff at his request, not happy to take suggestions from him when I’m irritated and he’s being considerate.

“Okay what gives? Why are we tromping through the woods?” I stop next to a tree, refusing to walk any further in silence.

“Ask me. Ask me again.” He turns to face me head on, determination set on his face.

“What’s different from last night?” I ask, skirting what he wants.

“Fuck it.” His arms lift and then drop to slap his jean-clad thighs.

“Fuck it?”

“Fuck it, Y/n. Ask away.” He steps closer from where he stopped ten feet away.

“How did you know where we were-“

“We followed you. We were in Port Angeles after returning from our camping trip and saw you two leave the dress shop. Next question.” He interrupts me like he’s in a hurry to offload the information.

“What’s with your family?” He cocks his head as if asking for clarification. “Every single one of you likes to keep everyone at arm’s length. You don’t have friends, you don’t hang out outside of school. You aren’t allowed on the Quileute res-“

“How do you know that?”

“Bella and I talked to some people - did some research, answer me.” I demand.

“Shit.” I hear him whisper to himself as he takes another step closer and rubs his jaw.

“You’re cold as ice, your eyes change color, your temperament is old-fashioned, I’ve never seen you actually eat anything, you’re always gone on sunny days-“

“Say it.” He says, eyes hard as he closes in. “You did the research, what’s your theory?”

“You-you're a vampire?” I say uncertainly.

He’s backed me against the tree, arms boxing me in as he stares down at me in silence for a few heavy moments, our breathing the only sound in the forest.

He leans forward and my body stills, “With confidence - you smart, pretty girl.” He whispers in my ear, breath sending a cascade of goosebumps down my neck.

“You’re a vampire, Jasper Hale.” A sudden dose of confidence strengthens my voice.

The possibility this man was a vampire didn’t really cross my mind until now. Sure, looking up the answers with the information Bella and I learned had shown that as a possibility. But it’s entirely different saying it out loud, saying it to his face and having him not deny it.

“Good girl.” The praise weakening my knees and stealing the breath from my chest. The guy I have a crush on is a vampire and he just confirmed it.

More surprising, I’m not scared of him. Thrilled, high as fuck on the knowledge that I figured him out, but utterly unafraid.

“Are you scared?” He backs away, eyeing my trembling form.

“No.” I answer honestly.

“Then ask me what I eat. What sustains a vampire?” He’s egging me on to try and scare me, I can see it.

“Blood-“

“Blood.” He confirms menacingly as he turns to pace, burying his hands in his blonde hair.

“Is that all?” I ask, not really sure where to go from here.

He lets out a laugh like the world was just lifted from his chest, the kind you let out on a rooftop in the rain after a stressful day. “Is that all?” He says incredulously.

“Are you just going to repeat my questions? You just dumped something pretty monumental on me, I didn’t want to stop you if you were on a roll.”

He stops walking to face me, expression completely sober, “Where have you been all my life?”

Bella isn’t even all the way through my front door before I blurt, “He’s a vampire, they’re all vampires and he confirmed it.”

Her eyes widen, “You talked to Jasper?”

“You talked to Edward?” I counter, seeing as she isn’t denying my confession.

“I-“ she’s shaking her head speechless, exactly how I feel.

“I know.” I just hold her hands and stare.

“I mean - we did the research.”

“I know.” I repeat. What are we getting ourselves into? What now?

• March 10th, 2005 • Forks HS Parking Lot •

Jasper

“Tell me about being a vampire.” Y/n asks me after checking our surroundings for anyone close enough in the student parking lot to over hear our conversation.

I see Rosalie huff and slam the door to her red convertible, tearing it out of the parking lot. I catch her emotions as she flies by: irritation, anger, annoyance. That’ll be fun to deal with later.

“My skin is nearly impenetrable, it’s like granite.” I lift my arm as she reaches for me as if to inspect my skin. “I don’t need to breathe-“

“That’s why you hold your breath!” She whisper shouts and I’m surprised by her observation. “I can tell when you’re not breathing, you’re shit at pretending.” She says as she turns to throw her backpack in the backseat of her car.

I chuckle and shake my head as I look at the ground, this girl is a firecracker.

“What?” She asks, emotions giving away that she’s self-conscious and I meet her eyes.

In that moment, after a lifetime of being hated and lonely, I wanted something. Not just something, I wanted her. I wanted a mate, I wanted to be chosen, I wanted life.

I wanted her to want me.

Reader

“I want to take you out.” Jasper said, the words almost knocking me off my feet.

“Like in a murder sense?” I joke back, scared of the alternative.

He steps forward and cradles the back of my head in one of his hands as his mouth drifts towards my ear, a rare display of affection in a crowded parking lot and my heart constricts painfully in my chest.

“No silly girl, on a date.” Jasper’s lips tickle as he whispers, his chest rumbling with a light chuckle as his breath and words shoot goosebumps in a tsunami-type fashion down my body.

I inhale sharply, Jasper Hale asking me on a date? I clench my fingers in the front of his shirt, surely this isn’t real.

“Say yes,” he whispers into my temple, “you’re overthinking it.”

My brain function winks out at the feel of his lips on my skin, like he knows the effect he can have on my poor nerves.

“I can’t, I still have homework to do. And you know, chores and stuff.” I whisper back in a trance, squeezing my eyes shut.

Jasper tilts his head back and lets out a hearty laugh at my half-assed response.

“What?” I demand, my brows furrowing in confusion.

“Darlin, you’re so sure of everything until it comes to what you feel. The one thing you’ll never have to doubt is that I’m yours now, ready or not.” He tells me, a confident grin on his perfect lips. “And you didn’t have to take me up on my offer tonight.”

My cheeks burn as I grin at his words, I know he’s right. “I-it’s just-you-“ I stutter, words failing me at his confession.

“Shhh, I’m not going anywhere.” He pulls me back in to kiss my hairline, settling my nerves. “I can wait. For you, I’ll wait.”

Next

[idkiwasntsupposedtobebackhere]

my unpopular gilmore girls opinions (like actually):

-i don’t mind lane’s husband zach. like i think he was kind of a moron but he stepped up to the plate and was consistantly there for lane. why do people want lane to pine for dave 10 years later like he was her one and only soulmate instead of a really cool guy who was a really cool guy bc he wasn’t on the show long enough to get a villain arc. i think the problem with lane’s storyline is that she didn’t get to go out on an adventure, not that she settled down with zach instead of dave. i would have been pissed if she got pregnant and stayed in SH for life even if it was with dave.

-i don’t think everything that went wrong with luke and jess was jess’ fault and that he only had himself to blame for getting kicked out. like luke taking jess in no questions asked was a really great gesture but he didn’t know what he was doing from that point on. him doing a nice thing doesn’t mean he’s somehow abow getting slightly critisised for handling a lot of things wrong. like i do think a 17-18 yo is entitled to a place to stay without conditions and despite screwing things up and luke needed to either fully be that person or not at all

-i often hear ”rory said no to logan’s proposal just to be his mistress later, she should have just said yes”, which… no, it’s ok to want something at 32 that you didn’t want at 22 (disclaimer: it’s not ok to sleep with someone else’s fiancee). i even hear a lot of people say rory should have said yes to logan even without bringing up AYITL and i really don’t understand why this is the general opinion. and i’m not saying this because i’m team jess over logan, i wouldn’t have wanted jess and rory to get married at 22 either. we’ve known since season 1 that rory has dreams and plans to travel and when logan proposed and they presented it as kind of a 50/50 thing i was baffled because ofc it’s a no. also if someone tells you ”either we get married or we break up”, always break up!!!

-luke and lorelai… are not compat- i mean initially they were cute, but just on a fundamental level- i mean… ok actually i’m not brave enough to go there, maybe in the next post. all i’m saying is that i rooted for them as much as the next guy and that they probably wouldn’t have been truly content if they never gave a relationship a go and they’d probably always be jealous of the other’s romantic relationships a little bit BUT that they’re too different (both personality wise and in handling stuff in general) to actually create a life together. they work in the diner setting but seeing each other 24/7 and agreeing on day to day decisions? idk. oops, looks like i went there anyways. also i’m not saying i don’t like them together, in fact they’re together in every single gilmore girls universe i have in my head but yk

-jess wasn’t the best boyfriend but a lot of their issues was rory subconsciously comparing what jess did with what dean would have done and their relationship was never going to work with such a fresh breakup hanging over them like that. the issue of jess not calling rory and making a plan and rory being mad that she had to sit around and wait for him to do it for example is not jess being malicious, it’s just them genuinely having different expectations and ideas of what a relationship is which could have been solved with a) some communication and b) dean and lorelai not breathing down their necks and preying on their downfall

-i think lorelai could stand to butt out of rory’s life and be a bit nicer to her step-nephew but i’m always gonna back her when it comes to her parents. i have no patience for the ”richard and emily weren’t that bad”-crowd. i’m tired of hearing ”lorelai is pissed because she gets thousands of dollars in exchange for a free meal, is she stoopid?” when it’s so much deeper than that. her sacrificing her own boundries for the sake of rory’s education is actually quite admirable (would emily swallow her pride and values and do something like that?). bc now i actually love emily as a character and enjoy her more than the gilmore girls sometimes. and as an audience we can obviously see that she cares about lorelai. but it’s emily’s responsibility to actually make lorelai feel that. because even tho emily thinks she did what was best for lorelai, it clearly did not make lorelai feel loved, because it was all according to what emily herself wanted.

-i don’t think this is that unpopular but i’ve heard many different takes on this. if lorelai wanted to be overdramatic about rory fracturing her wrist that is within her right, her kid was in the hospital after all and that is scary. however, where she was absolutely just objectively in the wrong is where she went ballistic at luke who’s supposed to be her best friend when he got the tiniest bit concerned over his nephew’s whereabouts after he had also been in that car accident. her screaming at him that he had more of an obligation to herself and her kid than the kid he’s literally in responsible for? this is just one of those situations where i feel like she wasn’t being an adult. it would have been understandable for like lane to barge into luke’s and yell jess’ name and scream that he should never have been allowed in this town but lorelai is 33.

part 2 soon?

[betterbooktitles]

The screen I spend the most time with these days is a black LCD monitor attached to a PC in an indie bookshop on Long Island. I spend whole days looking at point-of-sale software called Anthology which also keeps track of the store’s inventory. Often, it’s accurate. Occasionally, it says we have three copies of The Bell Jar that have simply disappeared from the face of the Earth. No one stole them. They were raptured, like socks that never make it out of the dryer.

If you’ve never worked a retail job, let me tell you what it’s like: you come in with a little spring in your step, caffeinated, and ready to greet your coworkers and update them on how terrible your last shift without them was. Though the memory of the previous shift’s slog might give you a little anxiety, and though a hangover can make your fuse a little short, you’re in a better mood at the start of the day than at the end. Tedious tasks like ordering and unboxing books (sci-fi movies did not prepare me for how much cardboard there would be in the future) seem manageable in the morning. Customers seem kind. The items you’re selling feel necessary to human happiness. Whatever is going on in your life is put on pause to manage store operations, and time flies. Then, by 3 PM, whether you had time for lunch or not, you wish you had done anything else with your day — or, better yet — your life. 

While the back-straining work of moving inventory around the store or walking the floor helping customers all day without a second to sit down might make you physically tired, the real work of retail is mental and forces employees to become part-machine. Retail workers have to ask the same three questions (“Rewards?” “Bag?” “Receipt?”) and reply to the same three questions (“Have it?” “Bathroom?” “Manager?!?!?”) for 8-10 of their most worthwhile waking hours. 

In bookstores, there is the added expectation that while you’re participating in this mind-numbing routine, you’re at least able to pretend to like and engage with literature. I'm not arguing that people working at Old Navy aren’t eloquent or as over-educated for their job as I am. If they aren’t teenagers, most retail employees I’ve encountered have, by virtue of talking to coworkers and customers all day, the same high emotional intelligence as the smartest people I know who chain smoke outside bars. Still, my guess is that it’s rare for a customer to see a clothing store employee folding clothes, and think “I wonder what their opinion is of the latest Ann Patchett book” or “I wonder if they read Knausgård and run a book club when they’re not helping me find jeans in my size.” People see booksellers doing the same tedious tasks as any other retail employee and assume they not only possess unlimited knowledge about the state of publishing but also have unlimited hours to read while in the store. Customers hold booksellers to an impossible intellectual standard. When they fail to live up to said standard, they’re subjected to conversations like this:

“You haven’t read the latest Kingsolver?” a customer will ask, “Why not? What about this one? Or that one? It’s so good though! I thought you would have read all of these!” 

What’s a shame is that they think they’re being kind when they half-recommend, half-admonish bookstore employees. Worse are the people who are flat-out rude. Case in point, a man came into the store at hour six of my shift, and without any preamble, treating me like I was a human Google search bar, said the name of an author, then started spelling the name. When I asked for a second to look up what I assumed he was asking for, he rolled his eyes and began spelling slowly and loudly: “PAUL. P…A…U…” 

Sadly, I’m too old to be treated that way and without thinking I raised my hand and said sternly “Don’t do that.” Now some oblivious retired banker is walking around Long Island asking himself why indie booksellers are so mean. My Midwestern niceness has disappeared, my helpful attitude is now nonexistent. I have been worn down by the people I’m paid to be kind to.

Read the rest here.

[finalmemesx]

Cake Eater

By Allyson Dahlin.

“Are you afraid?” “What do you mean?” “Well, I was about to ask you not to.” “You know it’s true.” “The entire kingdom doesn’t need a live update of our progress.” “It was sweet of you.” “Do you like to dance?” “We really can’t talk about it.” “Won’t you come with me?” “Someone is always listening.” “What the hell?” “There is little you have to remember or say.” “Are you ready?” “Really? That’s highly unusual.” “That’s why you shouldn’t watch it.” “I just saw something weird there.” “You’ll take a lot of pictures?” “This silence isn’t the norm for you. What’s the matter?” “It should all get easier after tonight.” “You’re being rude.” “I don’t know what I like.” “Too tired to do your duties, it would seem.” “I don’t understand why you’re upset.” “Do you think that because you are hundreds of miles away you can lie to me?” “Do you like to ride?” “Did you sleep all right?” “I just want them to like me, but I’m not sure that they do.” “Sorry, I didn’t want to wake you.” “Thanks so much for taking the time to bring me out here.” “And I’m going home.” “Then how do they know?” “You’re really serious?” “What’s happening?” “I believe you’ll find I can make whatever changes I wish.” “You look like a kid threw up after getting let loose in a candy store.” “It’s not a trick question.” “What do you mean?” “I thought you looked nice.” “Tell me what happened.” “How did you do it?” “Well, those people are making me very upset.” “What kind of things?” “What did you have in mind?” “Do you miss them?” “Can’t catch a break, can we?” “Do you think we could be lonely together?” “You won’t mind if we borrow them?” “You’d know all about that, I suppose.” “I can be most delicate when I wish.” “Say you’ll accept, of course.” “Can’t even get it up, can you?” “Your education was likely not sufficient.” “What are you talking about?” “I wasn’t done with my lesson.” “Why should I trust you?” “Speak of this to no one.” “They don’t want you to know.” “Then think how much good it will do.” “Well, this advice does not seem to be working.” “Have you seen this film?” “You must be cold.” “Why were you outside in the storm?” “Please don’t cry. I like you.” “I don’t even care anymore. I want people to stop talking about us.” “Have you considered chilling out?” “I’d just as soon have tofu instead.” “I think you’ll be fine from here.” “You must be really warm under that mask.” “I don’t know how to dance. Maybe you could show me.” “It’s simply a tradition we have here.” “Thank you so much for attending my birthday party.” “You might be funnier, but I’m more charming.” “You can kiss me if you wish.” “It could be fun if you relax a bit.” “I see rotation in the cloud patterns. There could be a tornado.” “How did you find me?” “I needed to get my dog.” “Don’t you think it’s kind of creepy?” “Sorry, I need a minute.” “I’m not sure whether I want to kiss you or punch you.” “You’re really far from useless.” “You really think the answer to that is yes?” “You don’t want to go see them?” “My dreams aren’t any of your business!” “Who gave me them?” “Good thing I’m not dying out here.” “You’re an asshole.” “You think he’s playing me?” “How come you didn’t just tell me about it?” “You’re pulling my hair out.” “Do you want me to help you spread cute things?” “Never knew you were so sneaky.” “Doesn’t matter, since I’m not really going to go.” “Do we really have to sit through over an hour of this?” “One can’t wear the same piece too often or it falls out of fashion.” “Nothing of mine is shut off from you.” “Did I satisfy you?” “I’m sure something can be arranged.” “You’ve been watching me the whole time.” “I know you’re good at keeping secrets.” “Try not to stun them too much. You already look amazing.” “To hell with what they want!” “But I must have access to these books.” “I thought you weren’t going to run from them.” “I don’t think we have a choice.” “How could they do this?” “It’s a weird life we had.”

[fredfilmsblog]

We got such a good reaction to last week’s “The Summoning” postcard teasing a graphic novel series that I thought it was a good bet you hadn’t read the interview with creator Elyse Castro that was done in 2017 by the Frederator development group.

frederator-studios:

Frederator Studios’ Cooper Nelson checked in with Elyse Castro, creator of “The Summoning,” the newly released GO! Cartoons short on Cartoon Hangover, to ask a few burning questions. Let’s see if her answers are equally on fire.

Elyse Castro created “The Summoning,” about Claire, a witch, and her cat Edgar, on a quest for a missing spell ingredient. When I asked her our usual opening question—“Where did you study animation?”—Elyse just chuckled.

“Can’t answer that one,” she explained, “I didn’t!”

Rebellious against the ‘usual,’ Castro, of Brisbane, Australia, is a prolific creative, with experience ranging from playwriting to comics to taxidermy—she recently gave blacksmithing a go. Below, she doles out the deets on “The Summoning,” and leads us down her windy path to cartoon-creating.

So what did you study in school?

I went to uni for theater and visual art, but halfway through got really into the culture of tattooing, and became a tattoo apprentice. My Catholic parents were horrified. I was a tattoo artist for several years, then cooled off it—partly because of a hurt wrist, partly because I was tired of people’s shit tattoo ideas.

I can imagine. So then what’d you get up to?

I was doing freelance comics, some fine art, but also studied to become a drama teacher. I was frustrated about the neglect of arts and theater education in Australia, and decided to quit harping about the problems and lend a hand to the solutions.

Do you enjoy teaching?

I love connecting with the kids. And it’s creative—I teach at an all boys school, so I often write us alternative plays to fit them better, like our own version of “Robin Hood”. It’s a lot of laughs—I love making people laugh.

Is that why you wanna make cartoons?

Oh yeah – it’s always been a big motivation for me. My biggest goal in life all through growing up, and even now, is to make my sister laugh. It isn’t too hard, she’s thinks I’m a riot. She ended up becoming a research scientist, while I’m an adult entertained by Yo Gabba Gabba.

I respect that. So then what inspired “The Summoning”?

Certainly my maniac cats [see Winston below]. And actually, a lot of experiences with my sister. Voices we’d use, stupid things we’d do. And some gross stuff. Like, the whole bit with the dandruff in “The Summoning” was based on a time that I picked a big flake of the stuff off her head. I remember it now, a nice, sunny day…

Aha, gross! Gotcha. What mattered to you while developing your own short?

I thought about what I wanted to see in a cartoon—I’m drawn to the macabre, odd stuff, like my taxidermy. I’m very crafty, always making things, which lends itself to a witch character. And tone-wise, I wanted to keep it real, even have nuggets of education. Like in “The Summoning,” I tucked in a great factoid about poo consumption in the animal kingdom.

Sounds about as educational as a Frederator show gets!

I still can’t believe I have a project with Frederator. It was my childhood dream to make a cartoon, and I’m a huge fan of Pendleton Ward and Natasha Allegri. I even got to work with Natasha, who directed “The Summoning”! I was fangirling, it was so hard to act cool.

What’re your favorite cartoons?

Definitely Daria, Ren and Stimpy, South Park, and Adventure Time.

So about the witchcraft stuff – dabble in witchcraft yourself?

Not really, but I’m very interested in paganism and witchcraft. I study it, love the history behind it. My friends and I mess around with tarot cards sometimes, but I haven’t gone farther than that… yet.

– Cooper

Watch Elyse’s “The Summoning” on Cartoon Hangover!

For the 1 year anniversary of “The Summoning” and Go! Cartoons, bumping @elysecastro‘s interview non-US fans link here!

(this was also my first interview! We’re at ~50 a year later, with video and probs audio ones too on the way. Anthology post forthcoming! ?)

– stillcooper

[gingerylangylang1979]

Why Is Sydney “Too Young” for Carmy?

I keep seeing this brought up across many platforms and I’m confused. 

1. We don’t know how old these characters are supposed to be. We just don’t. The original script had Carmy as 25 and I believe Sydney was 35. Tina was also a man named Tito. Changes were made but we don’t know what the current ages are and why those changes were made which brings up many questions. Things that make you go, hmmm.

2. If our closest educated guess is the actor’s actual ages and we assume Carmy is 31 and Sydney is 26 is that a “huge age gap” as I keep seeing people say? When did a five year age difference become scandalous between legal adults? Most women prefer a man a few years older because it usually means more maturity. And men do tend to prefer a woman a few years younger because they are generally (don’t come for me I know it’s not everyone, but it’s the norm) attracted to youth. When I was 24 I was dating a 29 year old. He did not seem too old for me. Recently, I’ve dated men up to 12 years older than me. Currently, I prefer a five year difference either way because that seems to be the most familiar to me. 

So yeah, why is possibly a five year gap suddenly bizarre. Seems like an artificial hangup. Side note, I never see people balk at this age difference between Sydney and Marcus (Lionel is also 31) and sometimes, but rarely, when people mention Sydney and Richie where there is an obviously bigger gap. So what is it about her with Carmy that is age inappropriate?

3. Is it just because Ayo looks young? As a 42 year old petite dark skinned Black woman, I look extremely young for my age. I regularly get hit on by twenty somethings that think we are peers or much older men who think I’m super young. Does this mean who is actually appropriate for me to date should change because I look really young? This bothers me in my own dating life (men my own age range don’t think I’m in theirs) but to see it influence how people perceive a character’s sexuality and prospects is interesting and a bit reductive. Looks are looks but the truth don’t lie. 

But to be really controversial, so what if her looking young is a thing? In my fic I kind of play around with her looking young as being sexy, because hey it is a thing, she’s legal, it can be a subconscious appeal there. Who cares? As long as Carmy isn’t a pedophile why can’t a youthful appearance be attractive? It’s human nature and she’s kind of adorable. Does she need to look “grown” to be a suitable mate for him?

4. Why do people think Sydney is a teenager? I also keep seeing this and I’m like, are we watching the same show? Do teenagers go to the CIA, work for UPS, and have catering businesses? She even mentioned having her own place at one point and having a credit score. I’m confuzzled. 

5. Do people really think Carmy looks that damn old? I think he looks his age or not depending on the scene. In the pilot I think he looks the oldest. I kind of think this is on purpose. Notice he has the biggest eye bags, the wildest hair, etc. in that episode. It’s before Sydney shows up. He’s the most frazzled and then this perky fresh eyed girl appears and he’s stunned. Like why is she in this hell hole? I think this was on purpose. but throughout the rest of the season sometimes he looks like a kid, definitely like a little brother, and sometimes he looks like he’s at the end of the road and could have a coronary. But he still never looks “old”, maybe just run ragged and overly tired. 

Anyways, just me rambling. I would love to hear thoughts. I just think of all of the reasons one may not want to see them together Sydney being “too young” is weak sauce and fake news. 

Bonus: I think a relationship with Carmy would help her mature and get “grown”. I have no problem with that and think it’s actually kind of hot. 

[matan4il]

Hey, feel free to ignore - I found your blog after going through jumblr for a bit and I just want to get some stuff off my chest to someone who understands… My dad and his family are Jewish, so even though I’m technically not, I consider my Jewish heritage to be a big part of my identity. I have a *very* Jewish name to the point where I usually go by my middle name for safety reasons. (You never know who someone is when you introduce yourself, eh.) My dad has often said to me that I’m being overly cautious, that antisemitism is uncommon where we live. I had a conversation with him the other week where he expressed his shock and horror at the quick and monumental rise in visible global antisemitism… it broke my heart. In real life, I feel like the only people who care about this are my jewish friends and family. I feel very alienated and… I’m caught between apologising for not speaking Hebrew, for not being religious, and then on the other side I always gotta be on the defensive, always lead with “I’m not a Zionist”, always measure every word of support that I’m extending to Jews or Israel. I’m so tired…

Hi Nonnie! I am just gonna start by hugging you SO BIG!

I feel like antisemitism (or maybe its overt expression) has been on the rise for a long time, but it's been happening so gradually, and a lot of it has either been focused on the ultra orthodox community (those who are visibly Jewish, and who are very mistrusting of their non-Jewish surroundings, so they're less likely to report it to the authorities), or it's been disguised as anti-Zionism, and neither form got too much attention from non-Jewish news outlets. So I totally get your dad's surprise, at the same time that I am not surprised at all, even though I'm still shocked by the audacity of so openly justifying an actual massacre.

I am so sorry that you feel so alienated! Please remember you don't actually have to speak Hebrew to be a good Jew. My grandma was a Holocaust survivor, she tried to learn Hebrew, but never managed to absorb more than a few words. And she was a fantastic Jew, not just a good one, who really reflected some core Jewish values, like how she never stopped being so incredibly fair and kind to others, despite the unjust brutality she had suffered when a part of her family was murdered by the Nazis in Auschwitz, and another was murdered by their own neighbors. Same goes for being religious. There are LOADS of Jews who aren't, because being Jewish is so much more than just the religious aspects of our identity.

Also, I hope it's okay to share with you my POV on patrilineal Jews, but feel free to ignore this if it's not helpful. So why does the halacha (Jewish law) only recognize matrilineal Jews? Well, two thousand years ago, maternity was much easier to determine than paternity. Also, back then fathers barely dealt with their kids' education. It was basically on mothers, and that means they were the ones who passed on a sense of their culture, values, beliefs and world view to their kids. At the time, Jews also didn't have surnames, so that form of passing on this identity through the father didn't exist yet.

What I find interesting is, that this means Judaism says ONE parent who is DEF Jewish, and who passes on to you a meaningful Jewish identity, is enough. Today, when paternity can be determined for sure, I think that if we had rabbis with a great enough rabbinical stature across the Jewish world, the halacha would have been changed to include patrilineal Jews. In any case, I personally count patrilineal Jews no less than matrilineal ones. IMO, it's most of all a question of whether your Jewish identity is meaningful to you. And since it is, to me you're Jewish, period. *hearts*

And even if we look at it from the narrower POV from the halacha, just remember that it does recognize you, even if not religiously. Patrilineal Jews are called "Mi'Zera Yisrael," of the seed of Israel. So yeah, IDK... but I hope this helps!

As for not being a Zionist, of course you don't have to be. But I hope whatever your position is on the right of Jews to have a state in our ancestral homeland, it's not dictated by the hope that this will help people accept you. People who can't do that, unless you throw the majority of Jews (between Israeli ones, and the ones who support the Jewish state) under the bus, they will forever be capable of turning on you in a heartbeat. If they think it's wrong to murder you, but only so long as you live outside of Israel, or denounce it, they will never be people you can truly rely you.

I hope you're feeling better, having shared! And again, IDK if my words helped in any way, but I hope they did. Please don't hesitate to write me, and let me know either way, if you feel like it. Take good care of yourself! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[pandoraslxna]

How did you became comfortable with being sexual? Or rather being open to others with that like talking about sex? I'm almost 21 and I still can't get over the guilty feeling and shame every time me being sexualy active comes up or when I think about it. I have some trauma with sexual background so maybe that's why, but idk. Like everytime this topic comes in the conversation I feel this lump in my throat that doesn't go away no matter how comfortable I am with the person I am talking to. I was always in impressed by women who are comfortable with their sexuality and are open with it and I would like to also enjoy myself like them. I'm sorry if this ask is too much to answer and don't feel presure to answet it, but I don't know how to tell this to people that suround me and you seem like such a sweet, genuine person

Oh I’m sorry you feel that way, pookie! I think the main reason I feel pretty comfortable talking about these topics is because I was raised like that.

Sex was never a taboo in my family, I’ve always been around my parents and their friends even when they made adult jokes and had conversations that probably weren’t appropriate for my teenage self haha. My parents are both very chill and never had an issue answering any questions that I had. They always made sure I was educated properly, never told me "you’re too young to know that" or "you shouldn’t know that" etc. They knew if they wouldn’t answer me I would just find the answer myself somehow, so it’s probably best to just be honest and explained it to me as age appropriate as possible. I was never embarrassed about being a woman either, they made sure that talking about periods and all that stuff, especially with my dad (who ended up raising me during puberty after my parents divorce) wasn’t something to be ashamed of or something that should make me feel uncomfortable. My dad is basically the blue print for what I consider a real man, he bought me pads and birth control pills and got me my heating pad when I had cramps and he never ever made me feel uncomfortable when talking about these topics.

Sex and everything around it shouldn’t be something to feel guilty or embarrassed about, it’s all natural! But I totally get that it can be hard to talk about these things and can definitely feel uncomfortable if you were raised under other circumstances or had some bad experiences in your life before. Maybe it‘ll become easier once you find someone you trust enough to openly talk about sex, but please don’t force yourself to open up if you’re not ready. Just take your time. And not being able to talk about sex the way I do isn’t necessarily a bad thing, please don’t forget that! <3

I wish I could give you better advice, but like I said, I was just raised this way. I didn’t practice becoming like this and idk if there’s a trick or something else that could help you become more comfortable with your sexuality… but maybe someone else that is or was in the same position could give you some advice?

Anyways, I hope I could at least help you a little bit. I‘m super tired and idk if half of the stuff I wrote even makes sense haha but I’m so touched that you asked me for advice when it comes to such a sensitive topic!! If you ever need someone to talk to please don’t hesitate to slide into my inbox 🩵🩵

[janeway-lover]

Okay i made so many of these and it is all just the simps so be warned. @spine-fairy

Uriel: Are you ready to commit? Abby: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Uriel: You are the love of my life and I would do anything within reason to make you happy. Abby: I would be happy if you ate, stayed hydrated and got a reasonable amount of sleep. Uriel: I said within reason, Abby. How about I murder that guy? Abby: So murder is in reason but proper self care isn't? Uriel: Well, duh. What kind of question is that?

Abby: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know! Uriel: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus. Abby: Stop.

Abby: Are you trying to seduce me? Uriel: Why, are you seducible?

Uriel: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine. Abby: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again. Uriel: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns?? Abby: Is it working?

Abby: I'm trash. Uriel: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you? Abby: Abby: You smooth motherfucker. Abby: And yes it does.

Uriel: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Abby! Abby: You can’t expect me to look into your eyes and be straight.

Abby: I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Uriel: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal. Abby, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

Abby: How do I tell Uriel that I want them to yell at me like they're Gordon Ramsay and I'm a poor little chef who just ruined a crème brûlée?

Abby: Crushes are the worst. Whenever I’m near mine, I start acting feral. Uriel: You always act feral. Uriel: Uriel: Wait…

Abby: Uriel and I are no longer dating. Uriel: Abby, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

Uriel: I don't know how to tell you this, but… I love you. Abby: That's great, Uriel. Especially considering the fact we've been married for 6 fucking years.

Abby: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Uriel: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Abby: … Abby: You mean ring bearER, right? Uriel: … Abby: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

Uriel: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos- Abby: I wrote you a poem. Uriel, already crying: You did?

Abby: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organized. Uriel: steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely Abby: That one. I want that one.

Uriel: Just a minute. I need to go take out the trash. Abby: Oh. We're going out? Uriel: Wh…

Abby: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you… Uriel: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

Abby: Since we're in a relationship now, your clothes are my clothes too. Don't ask me why I have your shirt on, this is our shirt. Uriel: Fine, but when I come strutting in with your fuzzy socks I don't want to hear shit.

Abby: Babe, you're so funny! Uriel: We have 1492 days until your tragic premature death. You will break my trust three times before that happens, but I forgive you. Abby: Awwww, that's sweet of you!

Abby: Relationships should be 50/50. Uriel cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

[dspdick]

hello everyone. i hope you have some snacks on you because i have yet another thing to rant about. fortunately it isn’t about the bunch of idiots i have the misfortune of calling classmates, instead it’s the cursed place where i chose to continue my education. let’s yell about university.

for starters, i would like to point out that this is an expensive university. like. 900€/month expensive. i get to pay almost half of it because i have a discount due to my high school grades, but you have to keep it up during your stay in college and once it’s taken away you can’t ask for it again.

given the exorbitant price every single of its students is paying, you would think that my class would be in a decent building. wrong. we’re in a prefabricated shitty three-story building in the other side of campus from our labs. because medicine students have their own simulation clinics and the business students get a bajillion brick buildings but fuck the genetics kids amiright?

speaking of labs. the installations are cool and all but the materials need a serious upgrade. I CANT DO A PROPER GEL ELECTROPHORESIS IF THE MICROPIPETTE DOES THE EQUIVALENT OF A DRIVING NEWBIE WITH A MANUAL CAR. also the ph-meters are the bane of my existence and me the bane of theirs.

also. the lab practices are four hours long. which wouldn’t be too bad if they didn’t make us start them at three or four pm when we’ve been in classes from eight or ten am. yes i spend close to twelve hours on campus on lab weeks yes they also pretend that we have time to study.

BY THE WAY. OH MY GOD. studying. i know it’s necessary. but i have EIGHT SUBJECTS THIS SEMESTER. EIGHT. students in other universities have less subjects per year. one of them is a lab subject and we have a fuckin. oral and practical exam. ITS A LAB SUBJECT?? WHY DO I HAVE TO LEARN THE PROCEDURES AND WHY EVERYTHING IS DONE PLUS DO A NiCE LaB nOTeBoOk. SUCK MY DICK.

that and the fact that i not only have science subjects but also philosophy, communication and fucking BUSINESS. yes they’re useful but i frankly haven’t seen a subject with a worse organization than my philosophy class. and on top of that my business teacher just keeps sending projects and questions. maam your class is worth three credits. be grateful i do an effort to get out of bed and spend two and a half bitchass hours to listen to you yap about ip and business life cycles at eight thirty in the morning on a friday.

and now that i mention this, i still can’t believe we’ll have to do 50 mandatory hours of volunteer work next year. yay for volunteer work, i’ve done before and it’s amazing. but you can’t expect someone who spends 10+ hours in college regularly to do the same amount of time as people who only have 3 to 4 hours of class per day.

the worst part of all is the fact that our degree supervisor just expects us to act like phd students or some shit. she literally told to the class presidents that “we can’t expect to have compromises and extracurriculars outside of university. we have to focus on our college life”. this is our first year. i don’t even want to think about how we’ll be treated from now on.

and i guess this is why im so scared. i like genetics. love it, even, when applied to things i enjoy and not a clinical environment. but i want to live my life and be able to truly rest and enjoy and not want to kill myself constantly over the amount of workload that we have to deal with.

i don’t know if i’m going to drop out or keep going but all my options are bleak. either i continue and somehow survive college enough time to get my degree without having killed myself, or i drop out. and from there i have more options. a) immediately switching to a different college and/or undergrad, b) taking an off year and changing my undergrad.

i don’t even know what i’m going to do. i’m exhausted on all the levels a human can be tired and i have no idea if i have it in me to keep going or just take the easy out.

[masiclatraffaela]

What is it like to be an English major?

If you want to become an English major, this blog is perfectly suited for you.

I still remember the day when I finally decided to pursue this career. It was the hardest decision that I needed to make, considering that the path that I will chose would be my lifetime job. Terrifying, right? To tell you the truth, I was anxious about myself at that time because I really didn’t know what I wanted in life. In addition, I envy those people who already have a vision for their careers in the future.

But the real question is: Why did I choose to be an English major considering that I did not know what I wanted in life?

I was asked by this question multiple times, and do you know what response I always give? “I took this course because I know that there are a lot of opportunities in this field, knowing that the English language is used by many people all over the world." And those are exactly the same words that I use to say whenever they ask me. However, these thoughts and perspectives of mine all changed when I reached second-year English major. I contemplated and reflected on whether this path really was for me. One day, my friends invited me to visit our adviser when we were in high school. When I saw our alma mater, a nostalgic feeling came to my mind. Moreover, when I entered the classroom, I was a bit emotional because, for the first time in my life, I had imagined myself sharing my knowledge with these children, and as I stood in front of them with a smile on their faces, it was fulfilling. Isn't it fascinating to be called an educator? What a simple word, but the responsibility is huge, for I will be shaping and changing a person’s life. The classroom will become my stage, where I will be standing in front of these children, full of hope and dreams in their eyes. Finally, I’ve found my purpose to continue and finish this course.

Of course, there are ups and downs in the process of learning and taking this course. What is it like to be an English major?

When I was in my first year, I had to accept the fact that the treatment in college was very different in high school. I had to adjust because it was all new for me; a new school, new classmates, and a new environment. It was a bit hard in the meantime, but eventually I’ve learned to adapt and meet new friends. Then, when I reached my second year, the challenge that I needed to overcome leveled up two times. This is the stage where I want to give up, for there are so many things to do at that time. I started to question my capability because I think I’m not giving much of my effort and think it is not enough. You know the feeling that you have so much more to give, but you’re just too tired to give your hundred percent. Despite that, I still continued to fight because I knew that it would all be worth it. Now that I am in my third year, of course this year will become more challenging than the previous years, for I am one step closer to achieving my dreams, and I am looking forward to learn more.

Nonetheless, if you’re into reading and writing and love to meet new people, this course is for you. In addition, this will help you to become confident in all ways, it will enhance your speaking and writing skills because, as an English major, you have to be eloquent in speaking and creative in writing. But it doesn’t mean that you need to start well quickly. Remember that you’re still in the process of learning, and by all means, it’s okay to fail and try again because failure is part of improving yourself. Thus, if you’re an aspiring English major, go for it. If your heart and mind say that you belong to be an English major, don’t hesitate to grab the opportunity. As long as you feel that this is your calling and if this is your purpose in life, then you don’t have to worry. And just a reminder, don’t lose yourself in the process; balance everything and create an environment where you can enjoy and study at the same time. Hence, be confident and don’t be afraid to show your skills. I am rooting for your success. May we all succeed in life.

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT/RANT:

Okay, I’ve been reflecting within myself for a while now about all of the rants I’ve been doing surrounding Lore Olympus as a whole and at first I wasn’t sure about it. I thought that you know, maybe I’m just being a major hater and maybe I’m just being super obsessive with all of this stuff. I’ve talked about it with my friends and everything and they’ve all asked the same thing; “why do you care so much about this webtoon?”. At first I couldn’t really put it in words and I even had to sit down and ask myself that question too, but after realizing it I’ve compiled a small list of why exactly I care so much about other people understanding that Lore Olympus isn’t as great as it’s made out to be.

Like I’ve said before, I was once a Lore Olympus fan and around that time it was one of my favorite webtoons. I was in middle school when I found it and instantly fell in love with it, I was doing a lesson on GM in one of my social studies classes and I thought it would be fun to interact with the retelling. Obviously, I knew not to handle the story like it was the original myth and I interacted with the story like it was any romance comic I’ve came across in the past. I enjoyed seeing someone who was like me (Persephone) handling herself, I enjoyed that she had ambitions and goals and dreams bigger than she’d ever imagined them to be. I loved her kind nature and how cheerful she was, I truly related to her. I also loved that in the beginning Lore Olympus seemed like a coming of age story, I was so happy and excited to watch Persephone grow into her own and really hone her skills because that’s what I was transitioning into as well. It was nice to have a character that was going through similar situations like me. But after stepping away from the comic, it really started to irk me about how such a compelling story transformed into this uncomfortable weird situation. Persephone just up and left her family, friends, education, home, and everything else she’s ever known just to go down into this land she’s barely interacted with and marry this 40 something year old man that she barely met within a week or maybe 3 (which is the longest might I add). It just crushed me how her journey became so… One sided. It was getting less and less of Persephone’s story and more of Hades lusting after her, everything I ever admired her for was gone and anything I related to her with was ripped from me. I didn’t want to see her be built up so much just to have her as some docile wife for a man who went after her when she was barely of age.

Another thing is just because I really hate that the teenage experience always has to be surrounded by sexual hormones and sex drive with a lot of stories created by adults. No this isn’t exactly about Lore Olympus but it’s just about “teen material” in general. I’ve seen so many teen movies, books, shows, songs always centering themselves around this idea that teenagers are promiscuous and their sex drive runs endless, not only that but if you’re a virgin you’re just some prude that deserves to be made fun of and bullied for the rest of your life until you give in and sleep with someone. I’m not saying that teenagers are not like that at all but what I am saying is that I hate that that’s all we really get from these literal adult directors. We’ve seen too many damn sex scenes between teens and kissing moments between teens, I’m tired of it. I just want their to be a movie about teenagers that has nothing to do with it at all, I want more movies that show teens being real people and not just eager sex dolls ready for the next orgy or something! Also not trying to shame anyone who goes to those, I’m sorry I just thought it would fit. But really it does hurt that most teen shows profit off of exploiting such a very sensitive time in adolescence and allows for us to be seen as nothing more than sexual deviants. It’s disgusting that there are literal adults who view teens that way and that are pushing all of that filth towards their teenage audience. We don’t need to see any sex scenes when we’re literally just trying to find out who we are as people and grow and morph into the person we want to be.

Last thing I feel is just because I feel like although I only do this in my spare time I think it needs to be talked about. There’s been multiple times where Rachel has expressed about how much she enjoys this very awful age gap. Not only that I’m tired of people preying on fresh 18/19 year olds when they’re quite literally barely legal, they’re still teenagers I don’t know why so many think that you can just become an adult overnight. They still have the same brain and experience they had when they were 17 please be fucking for real. But back to the topic at hand, Rachel has done a lot of questionable things and has stated many questionable things from her own mouth. Loads of stuff I don’t agree with and it would’ve all been fine if the stuff that she’s talking about wasn’t so heavily implicated in this damn comic. It’s so weird how there’s probably gonna be so many girls out there who are my age or younger reading Lore Olympus and naively consuming everything it has to offer while Rachel continued to push these very problematic and uncomfortable themes in her books without any real proper addressing being made about them. Instead of saying that the things in her comic aren’t the best and shouldn’t be done she glamorizes it and romanticizes these very real and important issues. She doesn’t even try to say anything about it she just keeps making more and more uncomfortable situations and since the younger and older audiences possibly don’t know any better they’ll continue to praise it and idolize such scummy behavior. I feel like all of this could be avoided and talked out but instead of actually facing her problems Rachel just runs from them or blocks them completely. I know it’s hard to write stories and do art and handle fandoms and such but you cannot neglect all of these problems that half of your audience begs you to fix, I’m not saying it has to be perfect but with at least some effort something can be done.

But anyways that’s the end of this rant, I know doing these won’t help anyone or anything but I hope I at least reached someone. By the way, not trying to bash the fans or anything that’s not my intention (unless it’s kinda deserved and even then I still don’t bash them that much) and I’m not trying to persuade anyone from dropping the book. I still look at others peoples’ updates of Lore Olympus from all sorts of apps just to see how Demeter’s storyline is going (even though I’m always disappointed) but yeah, it’s perfectly fine if you keep reading I just had to say something about it for myself. Like I always say these are just my thoughts and they’re always pretty meaningless anyways, but that’s how I consumed the piece of media I interacted with and how I felt about it. If you agree that’s great and if you don’t that’s also great too, we see things differently and it’s completely reasonable.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Heyy can I get a reading about my future spouse and also a message from them?

Hi, we can see if anything wants to be revealed to you at this present time!

Future spouse, what do you want to say?

Agh! I’m tired of waiting (pulling hair out and feeling frantic). I’ve been doing everything right on paper (I’m getting like anxiety spiral and I’m seeing a feminine presenting person, could mean at this moment they’re in their “feminine” energy) Dating the right person—good school, good education, good parents, ambitious— all the shit! And it never works! They’re always boring or something isn’t right. All my friends are having these destination weddings (getting that they have money and are around rich people, getting NYC apartment vibes, like they go to the Hamptons for sure) and I’m just there being the one everyone is trying to connect someone to (I’m thinking they’re like early 30s and being pressured to settle down, energy feels masculine here, like seeing a guy in a suit for a wedding)

You know, I focused on my career and education like I should’ve, I went to a good school, worked my way up to becoming partner (I’m getting they may be a lawyer?) I get paid well, I like where I work and who I work with, my job is important (I’m getting that whatever legal work they do, it’s something advocacy driven or that’s what drives them, helping the little guy or whatever, like they aren’t protecting big companies is what I mean, it’s hard to describe but maybe it’s like they work for ACLU or something) Anyway, I’m a catch and I know it and all that’s missing in this white picket fence world I created is my loving fucking partner!

Why is everyone the worst? If you could only hear my dating horror stories. Sheesh. I feel like all the people left single are single for a reason, at least the ones I meet. Crazy girls asking me about kids and marriage on the first hangout like damn. I know we’re kind of at a make or break point for them but Jesus. Freaks me out. I don’t even know you yet lady! Fuck. (Shaking head)

So okay, can you just come soon? Thanks. I promise I have a beautiful world waiting for you and I’m clean. Seriously been on the straight and narrow (immediately I’m getting that’s part of the problem and I’m getting this like baddie energy vibe from you, like they see you as this umm hmm like choice that for the first time it’s not steeped in perfectionism, you spark adventure in their life and living more freely and that feels scary to them and also highly alluring, they see you as sort of chaotic and all over the place, like I’m seeing a disarrayed apartment and stuff, that may not be how you are but this is how they’re envisioning you in their mind, what they deep down want is someone to push their boundaries and comforts and to help them feel alive, to be reckless (it’s not really reckless just how they see it) like they have a thing for the femme fatale/bad boy trope and they picture you that way. )

Okay! Umm interesting the energy was kinda switching between masculine and feminine when the wedding thing got brought up. Then switched to more masculine the rest of the reading.

Card Pull

Druid Craft Tarot

Ten of cups, reversed— problems at home or in a relationship, children may be leaving home, a dream may be dying— everything needs to die to make room for the new and for rebirth to occur.

Immediately flew out and I asked what else they wanted you to know. This card to me reiterates what they were showing in the channeling, this viewpoint of life they have is rooted in perfectionism and it’s starting to die, that’s why they feel so chaotic in the beginning of the reading. Maybe they’re going through their Saturn return because it really feels like this stable sense of how life works is being broken down for them. Almost like everything they believed to be true feels wrong now and is being questioned. I think this is less about a relationship ending and more about the never finding quite the right fit. Some of the ways they view love and relationships needs to grow and evolve for them to get what they want.

Anyway! Hope this helps you. I’d say just keeping focusing on yourself. Would love to know how or if it resonates.

[peachpixiebby]

I’ve quit drinking for 9 months now. I’m really proud of myself for sticking to it this long. I’ve said the whole time idk what my plans are with it. It’s hard to imagine never drinking again but idk if I can ever go back without it slipping to an unhealthy level again. I have nightmares where I drink and I’m so disappointed in myself in the dreams.

I still get strong cravings & I’m not sure they will ever go away. I associate so many things with drinking. I have triggers everywhere. Vacations, holidays, weekends, family gatherings, seeing tv characters drink, the alcohol aisle, gas stations, cutting the grass, swimming, camping, the sound of ice clinking/can opening, Mexican restaurants, cleaning the house, taking showers (yes, drinking in the shower), barbecues, summer nights, snowy nights, rainy nights, any excuse to drink.

I decided to take a break bc I had a long spout of unshakable heartburn. It felt more intense than normal and ruined my appetite bc I was worried about anything heightening the already bad heartburn I was experiencing. I was also tired of the hangovers. I drank at least once every weekend when I decided to quit. I wasn’t at the level of my worst. At my worst it was everyday of the weekend and multiple days of the week as well. I’d been fed up with it for a while. I felt ashamed how often the same cashiers would see me buying alcohol. I would buy from multiple stores as well and I still felt like all of them knew I had a problem.

I have trouble sticking to goals. I have this “all or nothing” mindset and can overwhelm myself thinking I have to change my whole life overnight. So I think that’s why I tell myself and others idk if I’ve quit alcohol forever but again I don’t trust myself to be able to moderate if I tried to drink again.

What helped me when I was first quitting was listening to the Sober Powered podcast. The host, Gill Tietz, has a masters in biology and talks about what happens inside our bodies when we drink and why it is so hard for some of us to moderate or quit. I love that she comes at it with an educational & nonjudgmental attitude. I checked out a few sober podcasts and hers was by far my favorite.

Her podcast in particular helped me bc her drinking habits were like mine. Neither of us had this huge event to point to (like a dui, divorce, job loss) to say okay I have a problem. Alcohol consumption is so normalized in society, many of us don’t even question it. But it’s okay to go against the grain and take a step back for yourself if you want. People will, for some reason, ask you why/challenge your abstinence. This reminds me how normalized drinking is that many people view it as the default setting and if you don’t partake something must be wrong.

On the Sober Powered podcast Gill talks about transfer addiction. How when we give up something we often replace it with another unhealthy habit. I believe I’ve done that with food. And with my all or nothing mentality I keep going from trying to eat healthy and restricting to not caring and binging. Gill points out that transfer addiction just postpones you from dealing with the underlying issues that lead you to numb out with instant gratification habits. I hope I can get brave enough to get to the root of my problems. Maybe someday.

TLDR; summary: I’ve quit drinking for 9 months. Idk if I’m done forever but I’m scared to try again and fall into bad habits. I’m still triggered/craving. Listening to the Sober Powered podcast helped me quit. I want to try & tackle my food habits next.

[algaedo]

Sincerely I never want to put politics into my social medias. However. I’m tired of just sitting here and pretending not having a political opinion of my own. So please, let me speak while I still have the right to.

- I am pro choice. I am of the opinion that pro choice, in terms of abortion care, is to be your choice whether or not you would have an abortion. If it’s not something that you agree with, or something that is against your religion, that’s your deal, but you cannot tell anyone what to do with their bodies.

- people say they’re pro life but are they really pro life, or pro birth? Do they believe in abolishing the death penalty? What about creating a better mental health system with outlets to directly combat mass shooting? What’s wrong with putting strict regulations on guns and how you obtain them? Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If you support all life, why do we still allow hunting? Why don’t we have a better sexual education? Why is the US health care system so expensive if we should value life?

I can answer all of these questions and more.

1. No they do not believe in abolishing the death penalty because many people see it as justice or bettering the publics safety.

2.&3. Because mental health and guns aren’t the problem with mass shootings. No no. Abortions are some how the issue with this, according to congressman Billy Long. Why restrict guns when we can restrict woman’s bodily autonomy??

4.&5. because veganism/vegetarianism isn’t the life style you want, right? But aren’t animals a form of life? By that argument you shouldn’t eat plants and animals at all. Because you’re killing a living thing, didn’t you know?

6. “We already have a sexual education curriculum put into place.” Do you remember your sexual education program? What did it teach you? Because I don’t remember it teaching me that I have control of my own sexuality. I don’t remember my education telling me that I’m not the only person to blame. That I’m not the only person responsible.

7. Because that’s not how it works. At least not in such a greedy capitalist country that could not care less about its people. But why, if we are supposed to care so much about the life a human that hasn’t been born yet, do we not care about those of us that are already here and are struggling to take care of ourselves? Greed.

I have and always will say; our current pro lifers, in and out of office, only care about a life up until it’s born.

This is my own opinion and it does not reflect the opinion of anything or anyone associated with me, but I am not ashamed of it. I am not ashamed to speak up for my own bodily autonomy, for my rights and for the rights of everyone else.

They will not stop at Roe v Wade. Judge Clarence Thomas made it abundantly clear that he wishes to challenge Obergefell v Hodge, Lawrence v Texas and even Griswold v Connecticut.

If you don’t this overturn doesn’t affect you, think again. Forcing young girls and young women to become mothers prematurely will force young boys and young men to become fathers prematurely. It paves the way for unsafe and unregulated abortions. On top of all of that, it creates more people to feed, more people to circulate money, and more people into the housing market. More people means more need for housing, which means higher taxes and higher cost of living and higher prices for houses and apartments, as well as more supply chain shortages due to half the population aka anyone with a uterus, having to take off for maternity leaves or any kind of prenatal appointment, and more. Also supply chain shortages and recalls are currently in menstruation products, baby formula, peanut butter and poplar foods that kids like. Is this really the time to be encouraging people to keep children they didn’t want in the first place?

I am going to stop there, and as much as I would like to say I rest my case, I can’t. There are endless arguments and points I could make.

It’s a scary place right now. Please stay safe everyone.

Much love,

Jordan.

[darklove9314-blog]

Usually I use my platform to talk about books, but today it is the only social media I can use where my family can’t see what I’m talking about, so today I want to put everything out there. 

Yesterday the Supreme Court Justices voted to overturn Roe V Wade setting our country backwards by decades. Yesterday I took to my Facebook for the first time in months to see what all my friends/family were saying about it. 

I reposted one of my friends post that said that if you see Roe vs Wade as a victory to sincerely go fuck yourself/ a firm reminder that if anyone supports the Supreme Courts decision on this I will cut them out of my life and not consider them family to which my sister’s mother in law made two replies. 

One being that I should just agree to disagree with pro-lifers (Forced birthers because they only give a shit about a fetus and not the lives of women and children) because it’s not worth losing possible decades of friendship/ relationships and two that when a life is lost it’s nobody wins. She can say that about the unborn, but she doesn’t put that energy when it comes to the lives that are already here and are personally being affected. 

Now I’m used to pro-life arguments, I lived in a county that was heavily influenced by religion and have heard the “well they can just put the babies up for adoption” argument more times than I can count, so I knew my post would piss people off, the problem with this is that this is my sister’s mother in law. I can supply her with all the facts that I can manage, but I know that I will never change her mind because she is set in her ways despite the fact that my family has the same opinions that I do. Yesterday my sister and father made countless post about the overturning of Roe V Wade and my sister’s mother in law did not make a single comment on either of their post. Why? Because it’s easier for her to type on my post when I’m 2,000 miles away then to type on my sister and father’s post because they live in the same town she does. 

Now I’m used to defending myself, I’m used to being one of the few people in my family to bring up uncomfortable situations, so yesterday and this morning I did  not engage with my sister’s mother in law. because I wanted to know if my family would actually step in when they saw what she was saying to me, and not surprisingly their was crickets on my family’s end. They did not step in to try to educate my sister’s mother in law about the rights they are trying to fight for. They didn’t step in and ask her the question of why she was choosing to solely focus on me when they were all posting about it. No one in my family stepped in, because I have always been the one in my family to say what needed to be said and to not give a shit about what others including family have thought of me. I am the only person in my family to cut out specific members of my family because they were not good for my mental health and well being and I am tired. I am tired of being the only person in my family to try and break out of the cycle. I’m tired of being the only one in my family to speak out when things get hard (In person. On social media it seem like they have no problem) and I’m tired of educating my family on things they should already know. I’m the youngest. I’m the baby in the family. but I was the first one to take a look at all my family overall and see how many of them actually had abhorrent views. A lot of my family didn’t start talking about these kind of issues until they saw me doing it. Until they saw my courage and saw that I was not afraid to speak my mind, but at a time where I need them to stand up and put what they’ve learned to use...they’re choosing to only do so when it’s people they don’t have to deal with in their day to day life. 

For now I am done. I’m exhausted. I told my own mother about this and her response was to say that sometimes people have different opinions and perhaps she didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but when my rights as a woman are being threatened. there is no room for misinterpretation. I honestly don’t know where to go from here. I cried for hours yesterday to my husband yesterday because I’m just so exhausted telling the members of my family that if they actually want change they have to work for it.  

Now I know this sounds like I’m giving up, but I am not. I will shake off this exhaustion and continue to fight for what I believe in because fighting for what’s right is never easy. Sometimes fighting for what’s right is very fucking hard and sometimes you’ll need to go against your own blood to do it. But I promise you that it can also be the best thing you’ve ever done in your life. So fight for what you believe in, even if you have to go at it alone.