#incorrect quote generator

[ditzybat]

tim: sweet dog you got there. gordon: yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog. tim: still training huh? gordon: red robin.. what do you mean? tim: ... tim: nevermind...

[sarcasm-and-stiles]

[loonylupinblack3]

James: so are we flirting right now?

Regulus: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU

James: that doesn't answer my question

[kkolg]

Mr. Kitty

[viablemess]

I should not be allowed to access incorrect quote generators anymore I have a stupid amount of those saved on my phone now

[wretchedrunaway]

[buttercreampuff]

Uhhh... I was sick and I had access to the incorrect quote generator soo....

Hangman: Wait, if baby oil dissolves condoms, what does it do to babies?

Bob: Believe it or not, babies and condoms are made of different materials.

Phoenix: It’s like rock paper scissors. Baby oil defeats condom, baby defeats baby oil, condom defeats baby.

Rooster: Rock also defeats baby.

Rooster: Phoenix, I screwed up, big time.

Phoenix: Rooster, given your daily life experiences, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

Phoenix: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know!

Bob: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.

Phoenix: Stop.

Hangman: What are you talking about Bob? You love it here!

Bob: I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome.

Bob: Ha! Don't you know the trappers trap can trap the trapper?

Bob: I must be losing it, I'm quoting Hangman.

Hangman: Why are you like this??

Rooster: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Hangman: How stupid do you think I am?!

Bob: You really want an honest answer to that?

Rooster: I hate to disagree with you, but-

Phoenix: Please, you love to disagree with me. Its your favorite thing to do.

Rooster: I’m so jetlagged I can’t even regrender my chorf.

*Everyone stares at Rooster*

Rooster: I don’t even know what I was trying to say.

Hangman, at Starbucks: Can I get a venti vanilla latte with um, seven espresso shots.

Bob, in line behind them: Jesus Christ, just do cocaine.

Maverick: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking.

Iceman, patting them on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Hangman: Talk dirty to me, baby~

Rooster: The dishes.

Hangman: Wh-

Rooster: They’ve been there for 4 days and it’s your turn to wash them. You still haven’t cleaned them and I have asked you to do so several times.

Rooster: How would you like your pancakes?

Phoenix: Plain.

Maverick: With sprinkles!

Iceman: Chocolate chips.

Hangman: Potatoes.

*Phoenix, Maverick, and Iceman look at Hangman*

Hangman: What? They're good.

Maverick, dramatically: They called me a fool.

Iceman, sick of Maverick's shit: They weren’t wrong.

Maverick: And I’d love to be sorry for that, but we all know I’ve done much, much worse.

Maverick: In alcohol’s defense, I’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.

Rooster: I don’t want to talk about it.

Iceman: Good, I don’t wanna hear about it.

Maverick: What are your adjectives?

Iceman: …You mean my pronouns?

Maverick: No, I know what your pronouns are! What are your adjectives?

Iceman: …I dunno. What are yours?

Maverick: Noisy and chaotic!

Iceman: I’ve never had something go from making no sense to making complete sense so quickly.

Goose, answering the phone: Hello?

Maverick: It’s Maverick.

Goose: What did they do this time?

Maverick: No, it’s me, Maverick. It’s actually me.

Goose: What did you do this time?

Rooster: I don’t want to talk about it.

Iceman: Good, I don’t wanna hear about it.

Goose: What do you have?

Maverick: A KNIFE!

Goose: NO!

Iceman: I'm a nice person, but I'm about to start throwing rocks at people.

Maverick: And if you have any suggestions, please put them in the suggestion box.

Coyote : That’s a trash can.

Phoenix, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

Phoenix: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Rooster?

Rooster: No.

Bob: I do!

Phoenix: I know, Bob.

Bob: I’m sad.

Phoenix: I know, Bob. <br>

*In a group chat*

Bob: A pegan just flew into my window.

Maverick: Pegan?

Phoenix: A what?

Halo: Ah yes, my favourite bird, Pegan.

Fanboy: I thought you said penguin for a second, LMAO!

Halo: Just a normal day with flying penguins crashing into my window.

Fanboy: You have pigeons flying into your window? Can't relate, I have penguins flying into my window.

Bob: I literally just made a typo-

Rooster: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?

Coyote : Do it or you're straight.

Rooster: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!

Payback: Rooster, I need some advice.

Rooster: You need advice from ME?

Payback: Yeah, frightening, isn't it?

Bob: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box.

Payback: Did Phoenix say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'?

Bob: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

Rooster: If we don’t get out of this alive… If we’re both about to die… I love you, Hangman!

*Neither of them die*

Hangman: …

Rooster: …

Hangman: So do you wanna talk about somethi-

Rooster: No thank you.

Payback (brainstorming ideas for pranking Halo): How much could a serial killer mask possibly cost?

Maverick: Well it’s hard to find a high-quality one made out of leather or silicone, but if you did find a good one like that it’d be a couple thousands of dollars. I can try to hook you up with one but I don’t know if I’d be very successful.

Payback: Huh, that’s pretty interesting actually- Wait, how the hell do you know that?

Maverick: …I am very passionate about Halloween, Payback.

Maverick: I got an idea!

Iceman: Does it involve breaking the law?

Maverick: By now don’t you think that’s a given?

Iceman: I was just trying to be optimistic.

Maverick: Don’t bother.

Goose: Your problem is that you’ve got no common sense.

Maverick: I’ve got plenty of common sense!

Maverick: I just choose to ignore it.

Iceman: Your lover doesn't have the mental strength to caramelize onions.

Slider: Your lover thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions.

Maverick: Who's fucking caramelizing onions? Have you sociopaths forgotten that apples exist?

Goose: Do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions.

Maverick: Is it just me or is instant ramen even better uncooked?

Slider: It’s just you.

Maverick: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Iceman: wHat?

Maverick: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Iceman: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

Goose: So, everyone, what does a story NEED?

Slider: A character!

Iceman: A setting!

Maverick, a gleam in their eyes, in a near-whisper: REVENGE.

Goose: Good morning!

Slider: Bold statement.

Goose: We'll talk about this later.

Maverick: Fine, I won’t be listening.

Goose: I think Slider is in trouble.

Maverick: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest.

Store Worker: Would a “Slider” please come to the front desk?

Slider, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker, pointing to Ice and Mav: I believe they belong to you?

Ice and Mav, simultaneously: We got lost.

Slider: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me—

Mav: When do I get my own gun?

Slider: I wouldn’t trust you with my kid’s lightsaber.

Mav: Do I sound smart, or am I smart?

Slider: You sound unbearable, to be perfectly honest.

Mav: Wow, it sure smells like wrong dog in here!

Merlin: Oh buddy...

Mav, already sobbing: ASK.

Mav: What's your greatest fear?

Goose: Being forgotten.

Mav: ...

Mav: Damn, that's deep.

Mav: Mine is the Kool Aid man, but I feel kinda stupid about it now...

Merlin: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Maverick: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults!

Halo: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best?

Maverick: Obviously. Now, Rooster, pass the shovel.

Maverick: Rooster, you’re in charge!

Phoenix: Rooster, can we start a fire?

Bob: Hangman, we tried things your way.

Hangman: No, we didn't.

Bob: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

Rooster, proudly: I slept.

Bob: Is that so much of a rare thing that you have to say it?

Maverick to Rooster: Turn that frown upside-down!

*a little while later*

Maverick: What are you doing?

Rooster, trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working .

Maverick, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

Phoenix: Why are you looking at me through a fork?

Rooster: I'm pretending you're in jail.

Phoenix: Why?

Rooster: It's spiritually healing.

Maverick, in a room with Halo, Coyote, and Payback: It’s calm in here.

Maverick: It scares me…

*before goose dies btw*

Iceman: What would Goose think?

Maverick: Ok, that’s an interesting thought, but hear me out: what if… we ran an experiment where we spent the rest of our lives finding out what happened if we never told them?

*Maverick and Iceman are texting*

Maverick: Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone.

Iceman: What did they change my name to?

Maverick: Chosen One.

Iceman: Don’t change it back.

Maverick: BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?!

Iceman: I’m the chosen one.

[sparklewrites1]

Inej: I have a question.

Nina: Shoot.

Inej: Is the S or C in scent silent?

Matthias: Fuck you, I’m going to be thinking about this all day.

Nina: Okay well, cent is pronounced the same way as scent so I’m gonna say the S is silent.

Inej: Okay, but sent is also spelled the same way.

Matthias: Google says that the C was added in the late seventeenth century, so I guess the S is silent.

Jesper: Plot twist, both the S and the C are silent and the E actually makes the sss sound.

Matthias: Jesper is not allowed to talk anymore.

[winds-of-zephyr416]

Melkor: You ever see something that changes your life and you're just like "huh.." Mairon: I saw you. Melkor: Melkor: Honestly that's so cute and sweet but it kinda makes this awkward because I was gonna show you a picture of my brother in a turkey costume.

[skullywullypully]

Gojo: I’ve been dropping her the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. Utahime: Wow. She sound stupid. Gojo: But she's not. She's really smart actually. Just dense. Utahime: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” Gojo: I guess you’re right. Hey Utahime, I love you. Utahime: See! Just say that! Gojo: Holy f*cking shit... Utahime: If that flies over her head then, sorry Gojo, but she's too dumb for you. Gojo: Utahime...

[incarnadin3]

Obey Me Quotes Using Incorrect Quote Generator pt.5

MC: Okay! Let’s play Kiss Marry Kill! MC: First who would you kill? Leviathan points at Solomon Satan points at Solomon Simeon points at Solomon Solomon: shrugs I would kill me too.

Simeon: Are you really planning to shoot the demon? MC: Don't worry, it's a holy gun. Simeon: How so? MC: It makes holes.

Belphegor: You’re giving me a sticker? Satan: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!” Belphegor: I’m not a preschooler. Satan: Fine, I’ll take it back- Belphegor: I earned this, back off!

MC: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices. MC: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

[sarcasm-and-stiles]

Y/N: I like eating Nerds because I’m secretly hungry for aquarium gravel and this takes the edge off.

Wilson: Y/N, what the fuck?!

House, while eating a sandwich: *nods head* Mood.

[loonylupinblack3]

Oscar: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Oscar: What an idiot.

Oscar: *realizes it's Lando*

Oscar: Wait, that's MY idiot!

[nothoughtsjustmhaandotherthings]

Jack: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.

Barbossa: I almost died.

Jack: Ah, yes. My favorite memory.

[my-top-gun-loves]

Iceman: There's no way that Mav actually likes me.

Goose: Au contraire, Maverick would literally throw himself in front of a moving car for you.

Iceman: Goose, Maverick would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.

[cr1msonsta1ns]

*Sylus dies in a game of DND Y/N made him play*

Y/N: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.

Y/N: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.

Rafayel: Legend has it that Sylus still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks at the bar.

Sylus: Of course I do.

Xavier: *Wakes up from nap.* What'd I miss?