#some online friends demanded me to come out and tell them what my sexuality was

[takkamek]

People are always saying they’re allies or even part of the community yet demand others to come out.

[witchersmistress]

The eye of the storm

“Why are you here?” he asks. “Baron said you were done with all this.” “You wouldn’t have come if you knew I’d be here?” I ask, feeling unaccountably hurt. Which is stupid. Of course he didn’t want to see me. “I do my best to avoid places where your kind are present.” I roll my eyes and don’t bite on that one. But two can play this game.. After all, he’s never going to want me again. Not after he let his brothers take turns with me, and they brought a friend to join. August’s way too possessive to want to be with a girl who’s been with his brothers. He hated that I’d been with a couple guys before we even met. 

He turns and pushes through the crowd on the porch and out the screen door, letting it slam behind him. I stand there reeling from his words. He can’t mean what I think he means. There’s no way. No. Preston would never. He might be cold, but he isn’t violent. But was the old Preston? I think of how different he is online, as Mr. D, and my stomach lurches like I might be sick. I try to get a grip on myself. Yes, Preston is a dick online. He’s bold and demanding, but he never asked me to hurt anyone. Being a voyeur who likes to hear about someone else’s sexual exploits doesn’t make him a rapist. It makes him sad and creepy. I understand what made him that way, though. What August’s saying he did… No way. Suddenly, Preston’s words in that gazebo come back to me. He told me what he did to their sister, the thing he tried to do that the Walker boys succeeded in doing to me. What was it he said? I’d never have let anyone from the team touch her… I might have, though. The beer in my stomach churns. I close my eyes and try to breathe, feeling the plastic cup crumple in my fingers, the cold liquid sliding over my skin.

I shove away from the wall, pushing through the people in front of me without seeing them, out the back door and down the steps. My feet slide on the wet grass, the soft earth. Drizzle splatters onto the shoulders of my leather jacket. I stop and suck in a few breaths, bracing my hands on my knees, until the familiar scent of marijuana smoke reaches me. I straighten and move toward one of the huge oak trees in the backyard, hating myself for caring, for still being drawn to him. He’s a magnet, and he filled me with shards of jagged metal so I can never, never stop going to him. When I reach the tree, I see him sitting in a rope swing, watching me approach in the dark. Fat drops of water fall from the leaves onto us, but the drizzle is kept out by the thick leaf cover. “Why’d you tell me that?” I demand. “Why do you have to keep making it worse?” “Why do you keep talking to me when you know that’s what will happen?” August asks, his voice quiet in the darkness. “I can’t help it,” I admit, the words coming out strangled. “I can’t get away from you even when you leave me alone. You’re in my head, in my blood, in my nightmares.” “I know.” August lights the joint, takes a drag, and hands it to me.

I take it with shaking fingers, relishing the dank smoke in my lungs, the way it stops the spiraling, careening thoughts. I lean against the thick, wet trunk of the tree and lay my head back, closing my eyes. Then I take another deep drag, not caring about etiquette right now, when I’m about to completely lose it if I don’t find something to calm me down. It’s either this, or I’m going to have to go find a razor and open my skin to release the pressure.. “You know the worst part about it?” I ask. “I can’t move on. I can’t just pretend it didn’t happen and go about my life like I did before. Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t date some nice, normal guy like Walter. I don’t know what normal is anymore. I don’t know how to function around functional people.” “I know.” “How’d you do it?” I ask, handing the joint back at last. “You think I’m going to give you advice on how to act normal when you fuck some other guy?” “You know what, fuck you,” I say, pushing off the tree. “Yes, I do want that, because you owe me that fucking much, August. Maybe the same thing happened to us both, but the difference is, I didn’t even know you existed when that happened to you. You did this to me, August. You broke me.”

“And I moved the fucking world for you trying to make it right. You threw it back in my face and told me to leave you alone. What did I do then? I respected your wishes. You’re the one who followed me out here.” “You chased away a guy who was interested.” The flame of his lighter flickers on, and he tilts his face, lighting up and taking a long, deep drag. The firelight flickers over the angular features of his face, so beautiful it’s not fucking fair. “I’m not helping you hook up with someone else,” he says through a mouthful of smoke. “I’m done granting your wishes. I’m not your fucking genie.” I remember Mr. D calling himself that in one of our first conversations. He asked for my three wishes. Now I know the price of those three wishes. Nothing in life is free, after all. “I didn’t ask for a genie,” I tell August. “I asked for advice, because as fucked up as it is, the person who did this to me is the only person I know who’s been there. And now there’s not a man on this earth who’s going to want to deal with my baggage. I’m too damaged for anyone to ever want me.” “Good.” Some stupid little part of me is so pathetic that it wishes he’d contradict me, tell me I’m wrong, that someone still could. But of course he doesn’t. He

I don't think I deserve anyone’s desire. He’s glad no one wants me, that everyone will see me as trash, the way he always did. “Then tell me how to fake it,” I growled. “Obviously you did it. Everyone still wants your dick.” “You don’t.” “I did,” I shot back. “I didn’t care about your damage until it ruined me, too.” August stands and tosses the roach into the mud. “You think it didn’t ruin me, too? You think you’re the only one who gets to regret that we ever met? That it’s not torture for me to see you, too? At least I didn’t give up. I fucking tried, Baby girl.” “Tried what? To make things right?” “Yes,” he says, his eyes full of misery. “You want to know when it’ll be over? Get it through your head, Baby girl. It’s never over. You said so yourself. You just keep going because you don’t have a choice. Stop trying to move on. You can’t.” He storms past me toward the house. I swallow hard, shaking my head. “No,” I say, turning around. He stops, the rain streaking his back, and lowers his head.

“You’re wrong,” I say, forcing the words past the ache in my throat. “It ends when someone forgives.” “And we both know that’s impossible,” he says quietly. “No,” I say. “It’s possible if you make it possible.” He doesn’t move for a minute. Rain drips through the leaves onto my face, running down my cheeks like tears. “I can’t,” he says after a minute. “I can,” I say, my throat aching as I force the words out. “I forgive you.” My eyes sting, but I don’t care. I’m doing this, even if it hurts. For him, and for me, and for this whole fucked up town. “Why would you do that?” August asks at last, his voice empty, his back still turned.

“Because holding onto this isn’t going to help anyone,” I say. “It hurts you, and more than that, it hurts me. It isn’t making me happy, and it never will. It doesn’t matter if you deserve it or even if you apologize. I will never think what you did is okay. But I can forgive you because I don’t want to carry this around anymore. I can let it go because it’s the only way to let you go.” “You’d forgive me just to get away from me?” “Yes,” I say. “There’s enough hatred in this place, without me adding more. I’ve seen what it did to you. to your brothers.. I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want to be that kind of person. I don’t want it to turn me into a monster like you.” He doesn’t say anything. I swallow past the ache in my throat. “And maybe because even though you did all those things for me, you never once asked me to forgive you.” 

“What do you want me to do?” he asks after a long pause, as if he thinks he has to keep going, keep trying to earn something I’ve already given. After all, in his world, the penance never ends, either. That’s why he goes back. “I want you to move on,” I say. “I don’t want to be another basement, another bridge for you to come back to. I don’t want to be anyone’s regret. Just go. Find some normal girl, and try to make her happy, and don’t take this out on her. Stop repeating the cycle. That’s how it ends. That’s all I want.” “And you’ll forgive me, just like that.” “Yes,” I say, drawing a shaky breath. “At least, I’ll start to. I think it’ll be more of a process than a one-and-done kind of thing. But I’ll let go of the idea that I can never forgive you, and I’ll let the process begin. I’ll work on it, work to make myself better instead of making you suffer. That’s the best I can do right now.” August lifts his face to the rain and takes a deep breath. “Okay.”

I sink into the swing and watch him walk away, and I know I should feel relief because I let go of this burden and forgave, but all I feel is empty. I watch him walk up the steps and onto the porch. intern stumbles over to him, obviously drunk. He plucks the drink out of her hand, downs it, and then tosses the cup. She starts to protest, but he wraps his arms around her and kisses her. I can’t breathe. I know that kiss. I know the way it consumes you, makes you feel like the only thing he’ll ever need, like you’re more than air, more than human, more than you’ve ever been before. It makes my toes curl in my damp boots and my breath catches. I don’t blame her for raising her arms and sliding a small hand behind his neck after a minute, holding onto him while his big hands circle her little waist, making her feel small and protected. I don’t blame her for what happens next. My chest caves in slowly, but I hardly feel it. Tears blur my eyes, but I don’t look away. Not even when he draws away, takes her hand, and pulls her toward the door, and they disappear inside the house together. I tell myself what I’ve been telling myself all summer. I can’t break more than I’m already broken.

I don’t know how long I will sit there. I don’t hear the party inside, the voices, the chime when a few notifications go off on my phone, or the steady thrum of the rain. I don’t see the big house with the manicured bushes along the back, below the screened porch. I don’t smell the rain and the dirt, wet asphalt and leaves. And I don’t feel anything. The next thing I notice is someone walking across the grass toward me, his silhouette cast by the lights in the house behind him. He’s big, but I know it’s not August. I know the way August moves, the deliberate way he places his feet. Even when he gets closer, I don’t look at him. I don’t care who it is. It doesn’t matter. He pulls a crumpled plastic poncho from his pocket and lays it at the base of the tree and sits. I see the light glint off his glasses, but I’m not scared.

We sit in silence for a minute, and the sounds fill in around us. I notice that my hair is soaked, that I can feel cold water running down my scalp and into the neck of my jacket. “How’d you know I was out here?” “I always know where you are,” he says. “Call me Stalker Boy.” “I thought you were an Evil Genius Boy, or a Drug Chemist Boy, or a Psycho Boy.” “I wear many hats.” A cheer goes up in the house, and some guys start whooping and hollering. They’re probably doing keg stands or taking body shots. I don’t care. “But why are you out here?” I ask Baron. “Don’t worry, I’ll sit with August and his regret when he’s done fucking intern,” he says. “Right now, you’re more interesting.” “How do you know he’ll regret it?” “The same way I know you’re sitting here regretting whatever just went down that sent him back to her,” Baron says. He shifts against the tree to dig

something out of his pocket, and in some detached way, I hope it’s a joint. It’s just one of his fucking suckers, though. He starts unwrapping it, the crinkling plastic noises adding to the dripping rain and the party sounds inside. I push my toes against the soggy earth, making the swing move in tiny circles.  “I’m not sure regret is the right word,” I say. Baron pauses with his sucker halfway to his mouth and cocks his head to one side.  “Are you crying?” I wiped my cheek, but my fingers were already wet. “I don’t know. It’s raining.” Baron puts his sucker in, leans his head back against the tree trunk, and looks up into the black cloud of leaves. “I wonder that, too, sometimes. Like, how do you know if you’re really feeling the right thing, or if your brain has just told you that’s the right thing to feel, so you think you’re feeling it?” I manage a small, empty laugh. “I don’t think normal people have to ask.” “But we’re not normal, are we?” He lifts his head, and we stare at each other for a minute.

My pulse speeds up, and I have to swallow the fear rising inside me, to remind myself what I do every day. He cannot hurt me more. My voice comes out in a whisper. “No.” That may be true, but I don’t know the right thing to feel at all. I’m just drowning in all of it at once. I’m not wondering if I’m really feeling or just thinking. I’m feeling way too fucking much right now.

Anger, hurt, fear, resentment, frustration, shame, love, jealousy, regret… They hit me like a spray of bullets, all of them mangling me until I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel because they’re all mixed up in there at once. I wish it was as simple as Baron makes it sound, that my brain would just pluck out the right one and tell me that’s how I need to feel. “A normal person wouldn’t let her boyfriend go fuck some other girl right in front of her face,” Baron says, but there’s a question in his words, like he’s guessing at them. “August’s not my boyfriend.” “Does it matter what you call it?” Baron asks, studying me from behind his glasses. “You love him. Even I can see that.” “What?” I ask, willing him to take the words back, as if that will somehow make them untrue.

“What are you talking about?” “When August locked us in the basement together,” he says. “He may have wanted to test you, but I wanted it to work. Not because I wanted to fuck you, but because I saw how you were in his head, so he wasn’t thinking straight anymore. I knew he was falling for you, and I knew you were bad news.” “But I didn’t fuck you,” I say. “Not willingly.” “Yeah,” Baron says. “But even now, when you’re supposed to be the ruined plaything he tossed in the trash, he can’t stop pulling you out and playing with you.” My fingers tighten on the wet ropes of the swing. “You’re the one who told him I wouldn’t be at this party. You must have known he wouldn’t come if I was here. And you knew I’d be here. I think you’re the one fucking with both of us.” He shrugs. “Why keep you apart? It’s too late. I failed. We all failed.” “Failed at what? Protecting him from me?”

“He’s been sucked into your orbit,” he says. “You were a passing sun whose gravitational pull was strong enough to pull him out of his solar system and into yours. Now you’re stuck with him. He can’t leave you alone. But I think you know that, Jailbird. I think you knew all along that men like August don’t love twice.” I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, as if I can hear his words. Somehow, maybe because he’s right and we’re more alike than I care to admit, he’s the one who always gets under my skin. No, that’s not true.

Baron doesn’t get under my skin. He peels away my layers of protection like he’s skinning me alive. And then he casually walks by, sprinkling words like acid on my raw, exposed insides. “No,” I say. “August hates me.” “Maybe,” Baron says. “But it’s the kind of hate that makes a man crazy, that makes him kill a man for hurting you, bail you out of jail at three in the morning even though he’s the one who got you thrown in, haunt the streets at night looking for your ghost when you’re dead.” “He did that?” I ask, my heart beating hard against my ribs. “What?” “Got me out of jail.”

“Who’d you think it was?” I don’t answer. I remember that night, when I texted Mr. D a hundred times begging him to bail me out. He said he’d do it in the morning, and then suddenly, I was released in the middle of the night. I thanked him for that, offered my fucking body for it. And he accepted that thanks, just like he did for pulling me out of the truck.

But it wasn’t Preston at all. It was August. August, who said he’d moved worlds for me. What else has he done that I don’t even fucking know about? “You’ll keep orbiting each other, your own little solar system with only two planets, until you stop fighting it,” Baron says. “The longer you resist it, the more damage you’ll do. Both of you.” “Not planets,” I say, sitting up straight on the swing. What was it Preston said? That on a cloudy day, when a sunflower can’t see the sun, it still follows the path. “Suns.” Baron just looks at me blankly. He doesn’t know everything. “I have to go.” I stand, and for a second, neither of us move. “Thank you,” I say, and then I cross the lawn, climb the steps, and enter the house. The party’s in full swing now. There’s a beer pong game going on in the kitchen. Dixie, Walter, some girls from the dance team, and a bunch of people I don’t

now are dancing to some eighties music under a disco ball in the foyer. I pass them and climb the stairs. I found them in the third bedroom. They didn’t even bother to lock the door. When I swing it open, August looks at me as if I’m a perfect stranger. I don’t think I’ve ever seen his eyes so completely void, as if he’s blacked-out drunk. I’m not sure he’s seeing me at all, that he can focus. He doesn’t move or react to me opening the door on them. He’s lying on his back on the bed, his head propped on his arm on the pillows, and the intern's head is bobbing up and down on his dick. I stand there holding the knob, feeling like I’m as far outside my body as he looks.

I step inside and pull the door closed and turn the lock. Then I cross the room and climb onto the bed. the intern's head pops up, and she stares at me for a second with a bleary, unfocused gaze. “Go on,” I say. “Don’t stop on account of me.” She looks confused, so I lean down, pulling my wet hair aside, and run my tongue up the side of August’s glorious cock. It’s just a dick, I tell myself. It’s not special. It’s just a blowjob. I’ve given hundreds of them. It doesn’t matter if it’s August. He’s checked out. the intern smiles. “You’re nasty,” she says, but she gets back to work, scooting down so she’s propped on one elbow. 

Then she leans in and starts along the other side of his cock, running her tongue up the other side. I match my movements with hers, stroking along the outside of his cock, then the bottom, then turning our heads to work our way up with small strokes from base to tip.

I wrap my fingers around his thick shaft, lifting his cock so we can both get the head at once. August doesn’t make a sound. His tip is salty, and my tongue strokes over the soft skin of his cock and swipes intern’s tongue. For a second, we battle to get more of him, both trying to get the head of his cock into our mouth first. I pull back, because August doesn’t deserve what I can do for him, but when I see her mouth slide down over his cock, a flash of anger whips through me. I grab a fistful of her hair and shove her head down hard. Her shriek of protest is cut off by a retching sound as she gags on him. That’s what she gets for letting me walk in on her trying to please him. With a low growl, he grabs my wrist and pulls me off her and the girl pops up gasping for breath. He shoves us off the bed muttering as he stuffed his semi hard cock back into his pants and bolts out the door. The girl turned and looked at me “That went well '' I let out a snort and made my way out of the room and down the front staircase.

August’s  pov

 I’m sitting at the top of the back staircase when I hear footsteps behind me. And because I’m so fucking turned around right now, I actually think for a second that it’s Baby girl, even though I’m around the corner from the main hall, and she’d have to look to actually find me. Of course Baby girl’s not going to fucking seek me out.

She’s been running from me since I walked out of that swamp for the first time. Just because she walked in and stuck my dick in her mouth doesn’t mean anything except that she’s determined to finish driving me completely fucking insane, as if sending me videos of her fucking someone else didn’t do the job. Just because she pulled Lo off my dick doesn’t mean she wants to get on it. It means she’s full of shit, and despite her big promises of forgiveness if I move on, she doesn’t want me to move on with anyone else, not even someone comfortable and familiar and meaningless. She doesn’t want me to have anyone.

 The sound of heels brought me back to focus, it was the intern I had pulled to give me a blow job. “What do you want?” I spat at her, as she sat down beside me tucking her skirt under her as she sat, she bit her lip looking at me before she whispers. “You’d have her, too, if you wanted her.”

I have to laugh at that, but it’s an empty, bitter sound. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” the intern girl shakes her head. “ She’d take you back. Go talk to her.” “Don’t you think I’ve fucking tried that?” “Then try something else.” She gets up and walks away, hips swaying as she vanishes into the crowd. Looking out the window I saw the lights flash on her escalade, she was trying to leave and I couldn't let her, I bolted from my spot on the stairs and out the door after her.

[woollenpharaohs]

So I have thoughts about this...

First of all I am now aware that someone posted an article to the New York Times speculating about Taylor's sexual identity which in my books is a no no on the basis of how publicly it was done. I think speculating about someone's sexuality is normal, as you would for a friend or someone you saw on the train, it's normal to dream or wonder, but to do so on a public forum like a famous publication crosses huge boundaries. Keep your though to a blog is what I always think. (Another reason why we should all have a Tumblr lol)

But I also have a problem with how that person (and how many people online) frame the argument. Like the first part of their claim is that there's a trend that Gaylors don't support other queer stuff. How can they know that's true? All that they're seeing of Gaylors is for example a specific account where they only post about Taylor. Internet is an escapism for many people and what they post to whatever account doesn't fully exemplify how they live their life.

I suppose as someone who actively speculates about real people's sexuality, I find it offensive to assume that the thing that is talked about the loudest is the only thing the person cares about?

Like yeah I won't shut up about definitely straight DJs being potentially bi because you never know what happens in someone else's life, but I'm also listening to queer musicians not even because I want to actively look for queer musicians but because I enjoy music that happens to be made by queer people. I just don't talk about the queer musicians that much I guess because it satisfies a need already? Whereas the unconfirmed stuff is exciting to speculate about. Artists that I like such as ARCA, Sofia kourtesis, porridge radio, PVA, Sufjan etc etc the list goes on, are queer and I'll throw my money at them for gigs or vinyl or whatever. But I'm not loud about it because they're confirmed queer I guess. Like there's nothing to guess, they're open about who they are.

Like when those people who say, Gaylors should invest more time in actual queer musicians, what that sounds like to me is the speculation should be redirected to already out queer people??? The clap back doesn't sound as good when you actually think about what they're asking.

I think the conversation absolutely needs to be, ok you're speculating but let's not do that in a way that the subject person can see. Like let's do that in an appropriate space. Let's not harass the person you're theorising about, let's keep those thoughts to a closed forum or hushed whispers between friends. Publishing an op-ed about someone's sexuality in the nyt or literally any publication is hugely boundary crossing. Agreed 100%.

But do you want that energy to be directed to someone else? An out queer person already going through their own shit? No. Asking if someone is queer, demanding them to come out, writing speculation on news articles - those sorts of things Should Not Be Happening. The people who do it need to tone it down and use safe spaces that already exist to have these discussions.

I guess the argument op is trying to say is actually queer people need to be supported and I get that, and I do DO that. And I think it's odd to assume that people don't just because they don't talk about it??

But even if it is true that there are people out there who exclusively listen to Taylor Swift, just accusing them and telling them they should be more moral about the consumption of music isn't going to influence people 100% to try new stuff. It should really be about redirecting how they talk about what they're theorising. And I fully acknowledge that the barrier between some random being able to talk to a celebrity breaking down in the way social media works these days has been such an impediment for people to realise, hey maybe the way I'm perceiving this is not true, but it's still fun so I'm going to do it in a way that won't harm the person. Like can't that behaviour change be the discussion.

In some respects it leans into why some rally so hard against ao3 allowing anything and everything. Like there's a safe space to speculate and explore sexual identity that isn't harming anyone. It's a dedicated space for weird thought and when people say you shouldn't listen to Taylor Swift if you want her to be a lesbian and think that's participating in queer culture to a """valid""" extent it's so so adjacent to people who say rpf shouldn't exist.

I guess I sympathise with gaylors in a way because I'm an rpf shipper, I'm not a Gaylor shipper and I never will be, but I understand where they are coming from with their passion and I understand why they're like that too, what motivates them to wish and pine and the validation that they yearn for. It's just they're in this unfathomable era where because Taylor is so famous and has a ridiculous number of fans, people feel confident in numbers to say what they think in a way that would normally be frowned upon. And the crowd mentality takes on and propels this theorising vehicle to the source because people Can Do That Now through social media.

Like I guess I look at what I do, theorising about randoms and bands nobody has heard of, and how I could easily be conflated with the behaviour of a Gaylor. The difference is the fanbase consists of just me and not 200,000 other Gaylors on X FKA twitter. And that's what I was trying to get at with my initial post about Gaylors. Because given it's often just me saying these insane things, first of all nobody else is listening. Second of all I have common sense and I'm not taking that to the person I'm theorising about. Like you just don't do that. And yet the Gaylors are going too far. They are crossing lines that fandom Olds know is not okay and THAT is what we should be talking about, not whether or not it's "valid" for them to think Taylor might actually like women.

Anyway I guess I resent the idea that this argument the person is having in the original screen cap could easily be translated to any other shipping thing and it's dangerous to think it couldn't. Like I get their point that people who listen to pop and think they're part of the queer community because they ship a girl who has been saying she's straight for 10 years is problematic but I don't think you can ignore the behaviour that lead to this. Redirecting someone's interest is not super easy, a lot of people might not even like other music that they're suggested to look at that is queer or not queer even. Like some people only listen to specific things and that's who they are.

But also I think the suggestion to listen to music made by actually queer people could be better received if the way we listen to music is assessed better. Like are the people only listening to Taylor Swift day in day out, what would get them to listen to other music? Promotion of other music by t swift herself? Easier access to and promotion of online radio stations playing local music, less reliance on Spotify, and so on. Like why people aren't listening to other queer musicians surely isn't because they're so obsessed with Taylor being gay. There must be other things influencing their listening habits. I guess I don't see the point of saying hey you there you listen to too much Taylor Swift go listen to this musician who is queer and you should like them because it's moral to do so. Like at least suggest someone who makes similar music? Idk maybe that's done for Gaylors, I'm not in the scene so I don't know if they're coddled or if even any of this stuff has been brought up a hundred times before. I'm just skeptical of the blanket statement 'just listen to actually queer music' because I don't think it's as simple as that. It's just really dismissive and reductive.

[opinated-user]

first of all, grooming isn't a thing internet people do to the audience. it's a thing pedos do to kids they interact with irl. secondly, lily was very clearly joking about meeting with a fan and it's gross to take it as if it were serious. thirdly, lily isn't doing anything weird. there's an old dude to stares at my boobs even though i'm nearly flat and gets a boner to it in the library. boys at my school joke about raping girls and each other. the school bus driver thinks i have a nice ass. the difference is that no matter what i want, i CAN'T get away from them. if i want to get away from lily or i don't like what she's doing, i can just exit the tab. groomers don't make sure you have ready access to a door to escape from them at all times. groomers also don't act as normal as lily does privately. i talked to her after i made fanart for her and she was nice, complimented me, asked for some help navigating a fanart site, thanked me and moved on. there was nothing remotely sexual about any part of that interaction. if that's grooming then everyone i've ever talked to in fandom is grooming everyone. if that's grooming then every youtuber or twitch streamer with a discord server is trying to groom their whole audiences.

she's not creepy. she's just some woman on the internet. if you don't like her sexual expression or jokes, just don't interact with her stuff. she isn't some predator hunting you down to force you to see her do stuff. this is ridiculous.

anon, first... i'm so, so sorry any of that happened to you. i'm so sorry that no adult on your life step up to tell you none of that is okay or to tell those classmates to stop. it must be horrible feel that threatened by people you're supposed to trust, that you have to see everyday. you deserve so much better than being surrounded by a environment like that and i hope you know that. but i have to insist: LO's not the kind of adult that will keep you safe and sound. she'll put you in danger. she might not be as obvious as that creepy library guy or talk openly about it like your classmates, but that doesn't mean she's a better option. she already did harm you by allowing minors like yourself to think it was okay and normal for an adult to "joke" like that on a public space where they could be present. groomers will make sure to appear as your friends, as the only adults you can actually trust, and make you feel as if they understand you, that everything they do and say must be okay because they were nice before so they couldn't do anything bad later. they don't start off being acreepy and demanding nudes right from the start, they wouldn't get any results that way. normalize that kind of behaviour for a minor to start finding nothing wrong about it is grooming. create that emotional connection and safeguard so you'll come out to defend her, ignore all red flags, ignore all warnings from others and justify everything... that is grooming. i'm so sorry but it is. she's not your friend, she doesn't care about you and never will. no DM is ever going to change that. i know plenty of women online and none of them behaves like LO. the ones that do, they end up being dennounced by a victim or many victims that will forever carry with that trauma with them, destroying any piece of trust you had on them. those women are dangerous and disgusting, and they don't deserve a platform just like LO doesn't either. i don't know how else to help you, anon. but i hope you stick around and see more things by yourself, because only seeing her side is the last thing you should do.

[mommalosthermind]

Gonna rant a bit:

Stumbled across another post demanding everyone who follows that person put their age into their bio upon pain of being blocked. This is to prevent minors from looking at their posts.

So. To protect the tiny innocent little babes. You are telling them. To put their age. Online.

You are telling minors to tell you they are a minor.

You are trying to force minors to out themselves and claiming it’s for *your* safety? I’m???

Fandom, we’ve made a shape, but I’m not sure it’s a fucking circle.

I cannot stress this enough, if you are a minor do not tell anyone, literally fucking anyone, your age, your real name, or your location. You owe no one that information. Handing that out is dangerous.

Become a fucking cryptid, kid, tell no one shit about you.

You are now an OC.

You have heterochromatic eyes, magic powers, are older than the sun, live in a teapot, and when you see preps you put up your middle finger at them (but not really because you are laying low. You are quiet. So quiet. Shh. Leave little love notes where you will, but you are being sneaky! So sneaky. Because the first rule of infiltration is shut the fuuuuuck uuuuuup oh my god I am so serious.)

I’ve got a teen and a preteen beginning to feel out unfettered access to the internet, and I don’t really think I’d internalized how drastically different kids’ experiences are now. Full fucking offense, but rule numero uno for my monsters being allowed to more actively engage in fandom was lie your ass off. Second was be kind, be kind, be kind, and third was the block button and the back buttons are your new besties, use them well and often.

Fourth, because these are my kids, was that I expect them to come talk to me when they run into weird or upsetting or baffling shit. Literally whenever.

Oh hidden minors of tumblr: find a friend, a sibling, an actual adult in the real world you can comfortably talk to about shit you find in the insanity of the internet, I’m begging you.

My entrance onto the great wild internet was “Everyone there wants to murder you and eat your eyes, so like, stick to these two websites and nowhere else.” I…did not stay there. I did however develop a fascination with the screensaver and the fuckin…. Pinball thing. Solitaire. Oh, and fanfic. Just. So much fanfic. Literally fucking saved my sanity, by the way, by giving me a place to just. Exist.

Yes, yes, people have a right to curate their spaces and it makes some people uncomfortable to know kids are looking at their shit.

There are kids looking at your shit, man. This is what kids do. This is what I did. Those sites that required a fuckin’ birthday or a special password? I was absolutely not over majority. “Adult only” spaces are valid and all, but please, please stop demanding kids tell you their exact fucking ages.

And for the random ‘wow, so you want your kids to have access to things I dislike and have deemed bad? How bad of a parent are you?” I’d like to point out that the first time I read sex it was in an actual physical novel that my mother handed to me— a gift from one of her nursing home clients. It was. Bad. So much sexual violence. Extremely graphic. Fucked me up for a while, and when I tried to talk to the adult in my life, I was told I was being a little bitch and just wasn’t mature enough to handle a little romance.

I was like. Ten. Maybe.

What I want? Is to know that my kids have a safe space. I am that space. And I’m teaching them how to turn their online experience into as happy a bubble as I can.

Kids are gonna find fucked up shit. There are ways upon ways to make it better but this whole ‘you HAVE to put this personal information in your header because, *I*, some random blog on Tumblr, have decreed it a requirement for Being Able To Look At Me’ is. Maybe not it.

Tl;dr: if you are a kid: shush about it. Be kind, be quiet, hang out. If you are an adult, do not. Do not tell kids to give you personal information. Just. Don’t.

[jaythelay]

Funny situation.

Pizzacakecomics makes comics on r/comics and other places. She made a couple comics about what women go through, primarily she's a humourous artists, her most recent one incited alot of rage, but to me? It was actually well made.

See, the comic is essentially a boiled down reality of what women go through in their life. From childhood to adulthood, the sexual harrassment women go through and why women have a stereotype of being offended or overreacting to men asking them out. With the last 2 panels being a point of contention, in which some shy dude tries to ask her out and she goes off on him. This causes the dude to go online and rant about women. Bare in mind, the first panel is a child being sexually harrassed by an adult in a car. That's where we started and Incels ignore the first 2 panels.

Entirely because of projection.

See, those panels to me just made sense? Probably because I've seen women in real life Idunno, but imagine throughout your life ya got grown men wanting to rape you, like the average story by women is they stop getting hit on as much when they aren't 14-16 or some disgusting shit. Random dudes just constantly demanding you to be an object of their desire, no humanity.

Imagine catcalling your bros but uncomfortably and poorly and for years and decades even when everyone tells you to stop. Yeah women don't like that either. That is a bad thing. But again, incels ignored the first two panels, gotta add it.

That just follows them into their daily life to the point when anyone comes up and Yet Again you're being demanded time of, seen for your physical form and not an ounce of care for your actual self. You're still just seen as an object of desire, again, again again, again.

See, the last guy failed primarily because he's indistinguishable and tiring. Did he do anything wrong? Meh. That ain't the issue, but say he was, coming up and proposing to someone you aren't even friends with is...indistinguishable from average harrassment, not that it is harrassment, that, after So Long and So Much, you're gonna tunnel vision completely out of safety, that even non-harrassing stuff just feels like more average annoyances with great risks.

Really I dunno what to tell dudes who haven't grown up harrassed damn near everyday. The "solution" men have for their problems is to "just be a man" and when women can't also cognitively dissonate, that's on them, because we do it out of social pressure and thus we are the only victims!!1!!111!1! Like my god man anytime a woman complains here comes the incels to downplay women's issues and uplay their own. Incels make it Very Obvious we need to focus on women's rights before men. If they refuse to engage with women then their criticisms are worthless, besides quite literally all of their problems modern feminism wants to resolve, they just prefer pretending extremist viewpoints are the only viewpoints (That's why they're incels folks!)

Even then though, it's clear that the intention of the comic was nothing incels wanted it to be. Especially that one dude's "comic" in response to it, which was just...a sad, sad sight to behold from a long time liar.

As for Pizzacake, I think the problem of Reddit and content farming just puts her into this bucket of "Yeah you're trying but you're kinda phoning it in" What bothers me is I bet she could make some interesting works but seems tied down to these miniature comics with big points she can't completely address. I Really Like the latest comic because it was So Damn Obvious but Very Well Elaborated. Incels see that last panel and instead of the smallest of realizations, a shred of relatability, any interest in discovering situations they'll never be in or hear of in their daily lives, they went for the throat, pathetically missed, and are further mocked by those in the know.

I want a long form comic in the same veign. Because there's an alternative perspective that can be added onto the previous comic. From many perspectives, it can continue and be established. You get the perspective of the MC, and then you swap to the other's perspective, genuinely the message is so clear I can't find fault anywhere for someone to miss the point, but god I love 2 perspective comics like this one.

[growing-yet-into-magic]

“Hey. Don’t join cults.” Example red flags.

Don’t think “hey, I’m smart, I won’t get sucked into a cult. :/” Smart people get sucked into cults all the time. Learning how to recognize manipulative speech and behavior isn’t about being smart. Since I am always worrying about novices wandering into cults because they’re interested in witchcraft or the occult, here are some pretty obvious warning signs of a group having uncomfortably cult-like tendencies:

There is a clearly defined leader, who is resistant to criticism from inside or outside their group

There are continuing financial demands from members that are unsustainable or unreasonable, and usually is controlled by a single leader

The “there is a specific leader” that is venerated just for being the leader thing is a big warning on its own.

Love bombing. It often doesn’t come with any explicit understanding that a group’s love for you is only extended to fully committed members of the group; it’s not that you are liked, specifically, but that they like what you represent. A new or potential recruit. Huge hugs and big smiles and immediate acceptance on day one, for a complete stranger, doesn’t make emotional sense.

The group or the leader works to separate you from your external friends and family members outside the group. There might be a “they can never understand what we do” or “they are trying to get you to leave us” manipulation. Big red flag. That’s an attempt to make you cut out your own exit strategies.

Abuse cannot be tolerated in a group. That includes emotional, mental, physical, or sexual abuse. Read up on kinds of abuse. Sometimes you have to call the whistle on abuse happening to yourself in your life.

“We’re the only right thing. There are no other right things in the world. If you leave, bad things will happen. Outside people are bad. You have to stay with us to stay safe. You have to listen to us and the leader.” RED FLAG.

Hazing. If the entrance to a group is based on putting you in a physically or emotionally humiliating or painful position, making you do something you don’t agree with, asking you something unpleasant or awful, hey, consider this: fuck that?

Excessive mystery. Sure, a secret society is not going to tell you everything, but they should at least be able to tell you the name of the leaders, who to contact, what groups they split off of, any training they had as an initiate in other groups, if they are initiated in anything else, the general idea of what they do, etc. You should also be able to ask them if they demand anything sky-clad or if they drink alcohol, for instance, and if there is a minimum age for entry.

There should be a minimum age for entry. It should be the legal age of adulthood. Full stop.

They demand that you forgo or stop your medical treatments, including psychiatric medication. It’s one thing to provide evidence as to their own opinion on the efficacy of modern medicine. It’s another to peer pressure you out of cancer treatments or treatments for chronic illness.

Any leader claiming they are the true herald of your god or the only one who can speak to them the “right way”. Even initiatory traditions will be able to recommend other ordained priests and initiated religious leaders in their tradition who are reputable diviners.

Research existing cults. Listen to cult survivors. They often have a great perspective on the manipulation they underwent in order to get sucked into a foreign mindset to their own.

When in doubt: is this something a Scient*logist would do to recruit me? Is this something a scientol*gist would do to keep me in a cult? Exploit my faith? Take my money? Follow me around? Is this something really cool, or do I just like the idea that I get to join a really cool secret society? Will this put my safety or wellbeing at risk? Will I lose my career, friends, family, or health by continuing in this group? A cult could be anything-- a self help group, coven, discord server, groupchat, online class, anything. There is no limit as to the format. My reading recommendation for navigating this kind of situation in witchcraft is Traditional Wicca by Thorn Mooney. Even if you are not Wiccan, it’s still a great primer on how to look for a functioning coven that matches your safety and personal spiritual needs. It’s a thorough read on the subject matter of looking for a spiritual group to join.

Be safe. Be smart. Be cautious. And most of all, remember-- when it comes to your spiritual experience, you should be in charge of it. No one else. You are the witch.

Blessings!

[puttingherinhistory]

“Covid has unleashed the most severe setback to women’s liberation in my lifetime. While watching this happen, I have started to think we are witnessing an outbreak of disaster patriarchy.

Naomi Klein was the first to identify “disaster capitalism”, when capitalists use a disaster to impose measures they couldn’t possibly get away with in normal times, generating more profit for themselves. Disaster patriarchy is a parallel and complementary process, where men exploit a crisis to reassert control and dominance, and rapidly erase hard-earned women’s rights. (The term “racialized disaster patriarchy” was used by Rachel E Luft in writing about an intersectional model for understanding disaster 10 years after Hurricane Katrina.) All over the world, patriarchy has taken full advantage of the virus to reclaim power – on the one hand, escalating the danger and violence to women, and on the other, stepping in as their supposed controller and protector.

I have spent months interviewing activists and grassroots leaders around the world, from Kenya to France to India, to find out how this process is affecting them, and how they are fighting back. In very different contexts, five key factors come up again and again. In disaster patriarchy, women lose their safety, their economic power, their autonomy, their education, and they are pushed on to the frontlines, unprotected, to be sacrificed. 

Part of me hesitates to use the word “patriarchy”, because some people feel confused by it, and others feel it’s archaic. I have tried to imagine a newer, more contemporary phrase for it, but I have watched how we keep changing language, updating and modernising our descriptions in an attempt to meet the horror of the moment. I think, for example, of all the names we have given to the act of women being beaten by their partner. First, it was battery, then domestic violence, then intimate partner violence, and most recently intimate terrorism. We are forever doing the painstaking work of refining and illuminating, rather than insisting the patriarchs work harder to deepen their understanding of a system that is eviscerating the planet. So, I’m sticking with the word. 

In this devastating time of Covid we have seen an explosion of violence towards women, whether they are cisgender or gender-diverse. Intimate terrorism in lockdown has turned the home into a kind of torture chamber for millions of women. We have seen the spread of revenge porn as lockdown has pushed the world online; such digital sexual abuse is now central to domestic violence as intimate partners threaten to share sexually explicit images without victims’ consent. 

The conditions of lockdown – confinement, economic insecurity, fear of illness, excess of alcohol – were a perfect storm for abuse. It is hard to determine what is more disturbing: the fact that in 2021 thousands of men still feel willing and entitled to control, torture and beat their wives, girlfriends and children, or that no government appears to have thought about this in their planning for lockdown. 

In Peru, hundreds of women and girls have gone missing since lockdown was imposed, and are feared dead. According to official figures reported by Al Jazeera, 606 girls and 309 women went missing between 16 March and 30 June last year. Worldwide, the closure of schools has increased the likelihood of various forms of violence. The US Rape Abuse and Incest National Network says its helpline for survivors of sexual assault has never been in such demand in its 26-year history, as children are locked in with abusers with no ability to alert their teachers or friends. In Italy, calls to the national anti-violence toll-free number increased by 73% between 1 March and 16 April 2020, according to the activist Luisa Rizzitelli. In Mexico, emergency call handlers received the highest number of calls in the country’s history, and the number of women who sought domestic violence shelters quadrupled. 

To add outrage to outrage, many governments reduced funding for these shelters at the exact moment they were most needed. This seems to be true throughout Europe. In the UK, providers told Human Rights Watch that the Covid-19 crisis has exacerbated a lack of access to services for migrant and Black, Asian and minority ethnic women. The organisations working with these communities say that persistent inequality leads to additional difficulties in accessing services such as education, healthcare and disaster relief remotely. 

In the US, more than 5 million women’s jobs were lost between the start of the pandemic and November 2020. Because much of women’s work requires physical contact with the public – restaurants, stores, childcare, healthcare settings – theirs were some of the first to go. Those who were able to keep their jobs were often frontline workers whose positions have put them in great danger; some 77% of hospital workers and 74% percent of school staff are women. Even then, the lack of childcare options left many women unable to return to their jobs. Having children does not have this effect for men. The rate of unemployment for Black and Latina women was higher before the virus, and now it is even worse. 

The situation is more severe for women in other parts of the world. Shabnam Hashmi, a leading women’s activist from India, tells me that by April 2020 a staggering 39.5% of women there had lost their jobs. “Work from home is very taxing on women as their personal space has disappeared, and workload increased threefold,” Hashmi says. In Italy, existing inequalities have been amplified by the health emergency. Rizzitelli points out that women already face lower employment, poorer salaries and more precarious contracts, and are rarely employed in “safe” corporate roles; they have been the first to suffer the effects of the crisis. “Pre-existing economic, social, racial and gender inequalities have been accentuated, and all of this risks having longer-term consequences than the virus itself,” Rizzitelli says. 

When women are put under greater financial pressure, their rights rapidly erode. With the economic crisis created by Covid, sex- and labour-trafficking are again on the rise. Young women who struggle to pay their rent are being preyed on by landlords, in a process known as “sextortion”. 

I don’t think we can overstate the level of exhaustion, anxiety and fear that women are suffering from taking care of families, with no break or time for themselves. It’s a subtle form of madness. As women take care of the sick, the needy and the dying, who takes care of them? Colani Hlatjwako, an activist leader from the Kingdom of Eswatini, sums it up: “Social norms that put a heavy caregiving burden on women and girls remain likely to make their physical and mental health suffer.” These structures also impede access to education, damage livelihoods, and strip away sources of support.

Unesco estimates that upward of 11 million girls may not return to school once the Covid pandemic subsides. The Malala Fund estimates an even bigger number: 20 million. Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka, from UN Women, says her organisation has been fighting for girls’ education since the Beijing UN women’s summit in 1995. “Girls make up the majority of the schoolchildren who are not going back,” she says. “We had been making progress – not perfect, but we were keeping them at school for longer. And now, to have these girls just dropping out in one year, is quite devastating.” 

Of all these setbacks, this will be the most significant. When girls are educated, they know their rights, and what to demand. They have the possibility of getting jobs and taking care of their families. When they can’t access education, they become a financial strain to their families and are often forced into early marriages. 

This has particular implications for female genital mutilation (FGM). Often, fathers will accept not subjecting their daughters to this process because their daughters can become breadwinners through being educated. If there is no education, then the traditional practices resume, so that daughters can be sold for dowries. As Agnes Pareyio, chairwoman of the Kenyan Anti-Female Genital Mutilation Board, tells me: “Covid closed our schools and brought our girls back home. No one knew what was going on in the houses. We know that if you educate a girl, FGM will not happen. And now, sadly the reverse is true.” 

In the early months of the pandemic, I had a front-row seat to the situation of nurses in the US, most of whom are women. I worked with National Nurses United, the biggest and most radical nurses’ union, and interviewed many nurses working on the frontline. I watched as for months they worked gruelling 12-hour shifts filled with agonising choices and trauma, acting as midwives to death. On their short lunch breaks, they had to protest over their own lack of personal protective equipment, which put them in even greater danger. In the same way that no one thought what it would mean to lock women and children in houses with abusers, no one thought what it would be like to send nurses into an extremely contagious pandemic without proper PPE. In some US hospitals, nurses were wearing garbage bags instead of gowns, and reusing single-use masks many times. They were being forced to stay on the job even if they had fevers.

The treatment of nurses who were risking their lives to save ours was a shocking kind of violence and disrespect. But there are many other areas of work where women have been left unprotected, from the warehouse workers who are packing and shipping our goods, to women who work in poultry and meat plants who are crammed together in dangerous proximity and forced to stay on the job even when they are sick. One of the more stunning developments has been with “tipped” restaurant workers in the US, already allowed to be paid the shockingly low wage of $2.13 (£1.50) an hour, which has remained the same for the past 22 years. Not only has work declined, tips have also declined greatly for those women, and now a new degradation called “maskular harassment” has emerged, where male customers insist waitresses take off their masks so they can determine if and how much to tip them based on their looks. 

Women farm workers in the US have seen their protections diminished while no one was looking. Mily Treviño-Sauceda, executive director of Alianza Nacional de Campesinas, tells me how pressures have increased on campesinas, or female farm workers: “There have been more incidents of pesticides poisonings, sexual abuse and heat stress issues, and there is less monitoring from governmental agencies or law enforcement due to Covid-19.” 

Covid has revealed the fact that we live with two incompatible ideas when it comes to women. The first is that women are essential to every aspect of life and our survival as a species. The second is that women can easily be violated, sacrificed and erased. This is the duality that patriarchy has slashed into the fabric of existence, and that Covid has laid bare. If we are to continue as a species, this contradiction needs to be healed and made whole. 

To be clear, the problem is not the lockdowns, but what the lockdowns, and the pandemic that required them, have made clear. Covid has revealed that patriarchy is alive and well; that it will reassert itself in times of crisis because it has never been truly deconstructed, and like an untreated virus it will return with a vengeance when the conditions are ripe. 

The truth is that unless the culture changes, unless patriarchy is dismantled, we will forever be spinning our wheels. Coming out of Covid, we need to be bold, daring, outrageous and to imagine a more radical way of existing on the Earth. We need to continue to build and spread activist movements. We need progressive grassroots women and women of colour in positions of power. We need a global initiative on the scale of a Marshall Plan or larger, to deconstruct and exorcise patriarchy – which is the root of so many other forms of oppression, from imperialism to racism, from transphobia to the denigration of the Earth. 

There would first be a public acknowledgment, and education, about the nature of patriarchy and an understanding that it is driving us to our end. There would be ongoing education, public forums and processes studying how patriarchy leads to various forms of oppression. Art would help expunge trauma, grief, aggression, sorrow and anger in the culture and help heal and make people whole. We would understand that a culture that has diabolical amnesia and refuses to address its past can only repeat its misfortunes and abuses. Community and religious centres would help members deal with trauma. We would study the high arts of listening and empathy. Reparations and apologies would be done in public forums and in private meetings. Learning the art of apology would be as important as prayer.

The feminist author Gerda Lerner wrote in 1986: “The system of patriarchy in a historic construct has a beginning and it will have an end. Its time seems to have nearly run its course. It no longer serves the needs of men and women, and its intractable linkage to militarism, hierarchy and racism has threatened the very existence of life on Earth.”

As powerful as patriarchy is, it’s just a story. As the post-pandemic era unfolds, can we imagine another system, one that is not based on hierarchy, violence, domination, colonialisation and occupation? Do we see the connection between the devaluing, harming and oppression of all women and the destruction of the Earth itself? What if we lived as if we were kin? What if we treated each person as sacred and essential to the unfolding story of humanity? 

What if rather than exploiting, dominating and hurting women and girls during a crisis, we designed a world that valued them, educated them, paid them, listened to them, cared for them and centred them?“

[bakugosbratx]

Hiiii! CONGRATS on your milestone! You really deserve them and many more! I saw that request were open and would like to request some noncon/yandere Bakugou where if the reader doesn't cum in said time he will let her go and if she does he claims every single hole? Feel free to sprinkle in bdsm I like it all and I'm a masochist ^^

Warning: 18+ content. Sexual intercourse, masturbation, sex toy(s), cursing, yandere tendencies, abuse, noncon, dubcon, degrading, punishment, overstimulation, breeding kink, etc.

Check out my other works here

A/N: Hello! Thank you so much. I love this idea. Yandere is one of my favorite things to write along with bdsm. I’ve actually been thinking of doing a personal one shot like this so I’m happy you requested it. Hopefully it meets what you’re looking for.

Words: 2,605

You thought you were so slick, masturbating while the pro-hero was at work. You thought you were so clever buying that vibrator online. It was hidden inside a stuffed animal so when Katsuki glanced over your purchase before hitting submit, he never noticed. He thought it was just another stupid stuffed animal you wanted for your collection.

You kept the toy hidden inside the bear, but once Katsuki left, you unzipped the back to pull out the pleasure device. The amount of orgasms and cum you produced was more than you have in months. This was going to be your little secret and Katsuki will never even think to look. Except, you seem to not have noticed Katsuki had cameras. They are hidden, of course, but they are there.

They saw everything and so did Katsuki.

You’re used to Katsuki coming home in a mood when he had a long day at work and honestly, Katsuki could expect the same out of you. So, when Katsuki arrived home with his usual attitude, you didn’t notice.

“Y/N,” he called as he closed the front door behind him. His work boots were already off and resting by the couch along with his gauntlets, mask, gloves, and any other armor. You jogged over to him, a smile on your face as you approached the man.

“Welcome home, Katsuki!” You greet with enthusiasm, wrapping your arms around his neck and a soft kiss on the cheek. This was no different than your normal act you put on. Katsuki trained you to act this way, after all.

Katsuki’s hands rested on your plump ass, his red eyes clearly not showing the same amount of enthusiasm you held. When your irises met his, your smile dropped into a concern frown.

“Been good while I was away?” He asked as usual.

You nodded, “yes, sir.”

“Is that a lie?” Katsuki interrogated, raising an eyebrow. You started to sweat and tremble within his hold. Sadly, he noticed.

“No, not at all.” You managed to utter out. A little too quick for your own good.

Katsuki chuckled scornfully. “Really? Because,” his fingers reached into the front of your pants to swipe your delicate pussy. You started to become flustered as he pulled out his slick covered fingers, clicking his tongue at his confirmed suspicion. “You’re one wet little girl.”

“I-I,” you stammered, tears welling in your scared eyes. You mentally cursed yourself for not keeping track of the time. You were enjoying time with your new toy when you heard the door unlock and Katsuki call your name. Your whole core is a slick covered mess and Katsuki knows about it.

“Bedroom,” he delivers a hard slap to your ass with one hand while pointing towards the hall with the other, “Now.”

Not pushing your luck, you did as your told. Katsuki was closely behind you, his dark crimson eyes glaring at the back of your skull. You should have known better than to think you were going to get away with this. Now, you have to suffer through whatever punishment Katsuki feelings like handing out tonight.

Walking inside the bedroom, Katsuki examined the room. The only thing out of place was the soaked gray towel laying on the wooden bed frame. You did not have time to hide it. You could lie about the towel, the vibrator? Not so much.

“I-I’m sorry, K-Katsuki.” You whined as he grabbed the towel. He shook his head.

“I’m sure you are. Strip.” He ordered. You did exactly that.

You stood still, the air hitting your soaked cunt. Goosebumps arises on your arms and you shiver slightly. Katsuki eyes your slick covered pussy and thighs.

“Bend over the bed, slut.” Katsuki demands, pointing towards the bed. Tears are streaming down your face as you do as your told. He spreads your legs apart more so your cunt can weep some more. Using the soaked towel, he cleans you up. You let out pathetic apologies and whimpers, but this did not make Katsuki any less angry.

“I’m sorry, Katsuki.” You repeat with a sniffle, hoping he will show you some mercy when he punishes you. You both know he is a merciless man, though. Your apologies are useless.

Giving your ass another hard slap like earlier, you let out a yelp. “Stand up.” Katsuki orders. As expected, you listen. Katsuki retrieves a dry towel from the bathroom and lay it down on the bed. Your heart is racing and you are clearly nervous.

“Lay down on your back.”

You lay down on your back. Katsuki grabbed your wrist and tied rope around it then proceed to attach it to the bedpost. He did the same action with each limb so you are spread eagle on the bed. So many questions raced through your mind. You didn’t dare ask what his cruel mind wanted to do to your exposed body, but his devious smirk and invading gaze did not help you draw good conclusions.

You were too busy in your thoughts that you didn’t notice Katsuki retrieving your teal vibrator. Your eyes grew wide as he shake it in front of your face. All the dots are connecting and now you understand why he is so mad.

“Look familiar?” He chuckled. “Thought you would really get away with it, didn’t you? I’ve done told you I see everything.”

“Katsuki—“

“Shut the fuck up, Y/N. I don’t want to hear your bullshit excuses and pathetic apologies for the rest of the night. You’ve done lied to me more than once. I need to teach your lying ass a lesson.” Katsuki scolds.

Turning the sex toy on the highest setting possible, he lays the vibrator on your sensitive clit. You automatically moan and sob. Katsuki snickers.

“Such a selfish whore. Always want your pussy pleased, but never want to pleasure me in return.” He growls them walks closer to you and grabs your chin so you are forced to meet his gaze. “That changes today. I’ll make you a deal. You don’t cum within,” he gazed at his Rolex then back at you,” ten minutes, I’ll let your ass go. If you cum, though, you are stuck with me for good and I’m going to stuff every hole you got. Deal?”

Not giving you much of an option, you nod. You so desperately want to escape Katsuki. You miss normalcy. You miss your friends and family. You miss the freedoms of being a normal human being. This is your ticket out, you better take it.

Gently slapping your cheek, he smirks. “I’ll come back to check on you in a bit. Have fun, cum loving slut. I’ll have fun stuffing you later.”

You watched as Katsuki left the room. Your moans filled the empty space and your pulsating cunt is already begging for dear release. You struggle against the restraints, panting and whining. You wanted out. Katsuki did not tie the rope gently at all. Even if you were strong, these restraints would be hard to escape from.

What was once enjoyable is now being used as punishment. Regrets seep in. You have already overstimulated your poor pussy today. You are exhausted and all you wanted to do is rest, but the loud vibrations are preventing you from doing so. You attempted to withhold your cum. You wanted to so badly. Not only for a chance of freedom, but you will be dammed if Katsuki fills your holes. You did not want that man’s filthy hands anywhere near you let alone his erected cock.

You did your best to wiggle the device off of your clit, but it was no use as an orgasm arise. Gasp escaped your lips as your pussy cried. Your cum covered your cunt, vibratory, and even squirted onto the bed. You began to feel flustered, but your punishment was not over with. You have several more minutes left and Katsuki does not plan on coming in a minute too early. You will be covered in your own arousal by the time he arrives.

Just like he wanted.

You reached your climax again and again, leaving the towel, sex toy, cunt, and thighs soaked. You’re sweating, panting, and out of moans to release. Another orgasm overcame you when Katsuki walked in. A smug grin was plastered on his face as he leaned against the doorframe, watching you meet your next high. This made it even worse.

“I came just in time. I get to see you be a filthy slut in person.” Katsuki teased. You wanted to glare at him, but your eyes are rolling back and any insult came out as incoherent babbles. Your pussy released more cum much to your dismay and Katsuki’s enjoyment. Embarrassment washed over you as Katsuki came over to pick on you some more.

“You done squirtin’ yet?” He snickered. “You soaked the whole damn bed.”

“Katsuki, please,” you whine and struggle against the restraints, “make it stop.”

“Aw, is someone going to cum again, isn’t she?” Katsuki coo’s, faux sympathy clear in his tone. You shake your head no, but by your lewd faces, he can tell your close again. He glances at your whimpering pussy then back at you. “Yeah, you are. Go ‘head and cum for me. I know you got plenty in there.”

You don’t even have the energy to protest anymore. Any fight you have left has vanished as you release, closing your eyes in the process. Katsuki was sure to watch every moment of it, too.

Katsuki removed the vibrator, turning it off. You let out a sigh of relief, but that relief is short lived once you remember the deal. Katsuki is not going to wait until you are ready to be quote-on-quote ‘stuffed.’ No, he is a man with needs that you agreed to meet if you failed your part. You were doomed from the start, in all honesty. There was no way you were going to succeed and you both knew that.

You were untied, sitting up on the towel. You did not enjoy sitting in your pool of cum, but as usual, you have no say in the matter. Your eyes never left Katsuki as he put back the items. Before putting the sex toy away, he looked at you with the slick covered device in his hand.

“We’re keeping this for future use.” Katsuki smirked. You sigh, regretting even buying the damn thing to begin with. It was only a matter of time until Katsuki got his greedy calloused fingers onto it.

Katsuki returned over to you, looking down at you with disgust. That almost felt worse than the punishment itself. Yes, you hated Katsuki, but somehow, you still craved his approval. You did not like making him unhappy. Your body and bones depended on you making him happy.

“Like sitting in your own filth?” He arched an eyebrow, crossing his arms.

“No.” You answer, bowing your head down in shame.

“Why? Don’t like being reminded how much of a disgusting whore you are?” Katsuki tsk. He has always been the degrading type, but when he is angry and trying to prove a point, he is much worse.

“No.” You replied, whimpering slightly. You refused to look at him, but you know he is enjoying this. He enjoys putting you in your place. He enjoys winning.

Katsuki began taking off the rest of his work clothes. His erected cock is already throbbing from watching you bust everywhere. He may not have been in the room physically, but he sure did enjoy watching you downstairs on the flat screen. He didn’t even need to turn on the sound because your moans traveled down to the living room.

“Get in the position I like you in.” Katsuki instructed. Tears stream down your face. You didn’t want to do it. You’re tired and just the thought of Katsuki putting his length deep within you disturbed you emotionally.

“You deaf or somethin’?” Katsuki growls as he grabs you by your hair and gets close to your face. “I said get in the fuckin’ position.”

You scurry to do as your told, Katsuki letting go of your hair so you can do so. Face down, ass up is Katsuki’s favorite position to fuck you in. He loves seeing all of your exposed holes to please and toy with. Call him greedy, but he knows you secretly enjoy it too. At least, that is what he tells himself as he makes you moan out his name.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Katsuki praises as you get into position. He spreads you open more so he can get a nice view of all of you. Your cunt is damp and ready for Katsuki’s length, but he is deciding to be nice. “Which hole you want me to fuck first?”

Neither, you thought.

“Any.” You huffed out, wanting this over with already. Your annoyed tone bought you a hard slap to your ass. You wince in pain.

“I’m sorry, Katsuki.” You cry, instinctively. “My pussy, please.”

Katsuki rubs your ass cheek in approval. His hands hold onto your hips, positioning you the perfect angle to take all of his dick. The tip rest at your weeping entrance then proceeds to slide inside. You cry out in pleasure and pain. No matter how wet you are, no matter how many times Katsuki has sex with you, your cunt will never be able to handle all of his girth. Your tight walls will always hug his length to his enjoyment. Katsuki just can’t get enough.

Katsuki continued his constant rough rhythm, delivering a few slaps to your ass and thighs in the process. He loves seeing your ass bounce as he thrust deep into you. The way you sing him beautiful melodies of moans, groans, and whines just encourages his behavior.

“Katsuki—“ You cry, incoherently, as he hits your ass again.

“What’s the matter? Too much dick for ya?” Katsuki mocks. “Bet that stupid little toy of yours can’t make you feel this good. Look at you, can’t even make coherent sentences. Such a,” he grunts as his dick twitches deep inside you, “dumb fuckin’ slut.”

You grip the bedsheets as Katsuki pushes down on your tailbone to move a slightly different angle. Your breast still bounced though they were pressed against the soaked cotton beneath you. You tried to muffle your moans, but Katsuki will not allow that to happen. He wants to hear you stroke his ego. He wants to be reassured he is making you feel this amazing.

Katsuki continued pumping into your sore cunt until he met his goal. You have no choice but to milk every single drop he has to offer. Once you are nice and full of his cum, he taps your putter thigh.

“Sit up.”

As commanded, you sit up. Your back is pressed against Katsuki’s chest. His hand hugs your neck, squeezing it nicely. You cough slightly, looking up at him.

“Think I better take care of this mouth of yours next. Seems to get you in the most trouble.”

“Please no.” You whisper, more tears falling. Katsuki releases your throat, now holding your chin, and brushes them away with his thumb.

“Don’t want me to stuff your dirty little mouth, hm?”

“I’ll be good, Katsuki.” You swallow the lump that formed in your throat, doing your best to sound small. He liked when you sound weak. “I promise.”

“Y’know better than to make promises you can’t keep. You’ve broken several of them already. Be a good girl for me and get on your knees.”

“Yes, Katsuki.”

©bakugosbratx

All Rights Reserved

[chuckbass-love]

20,39,42 with Andy Barber?

Hey, lovely anon. First of all i hope you’re doing well and second of all, i thoroughly enjoyed writing this and i hope y’all have a lot of fun reading it. It’s been a hot minute since i last wrote for Andy.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Andy Barber x Fem!Reader

Prompts Used: 

20) “You’d better be quiet or everyone’s going to know what a naughty little slut you are”

39) “I’m so sick of your voice. Why don’t you come over here and put your mouth to better use?”

42) “I guess i’ll just get off all by myself”

Warnings: Smut. Sexual intercourse, vaginal sex, spanking, daddy kink, love making (kinda), arguing, swearing, angst and a sprinkle of fluff for good measure. That’s right, used all 3. 18+ you know the drill.

Word Count: 6,796

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @cassercole go check them out💕

Do You Feel What I Feel?

After a long and interesting weekend, you’re a lot less eager to get back behind your desk to work for Andy Barber than you usually are. One reason in particular being that you’ve been dating other people behind his back. See the thing with you and Andy is that you’ve known him for 2 whole years, worked for him for 1 year and been fucking him since the evening of your very first day. He got you the job to work with him after you got laid off.

You met him after he showed up for one of your seminars at college and he gave a presentation on what it’s like to be a lawyer and you just clicked. But it was strictly platonic...until you showed up on that first day dressed in a knee length skirt, a semi sheer polka dot blouse with stockings and heels. He was shocked to say the least. You looked entirely different and he’d never seen you this way before. It turned him on and he let you know it. 

As you were packing your things away and bidding him goodbye for the day, he called you back into his office and instructed you to lock the door behind you before he began to inform you of the effect you had on him. Starting slowly by telling you how he was taken aback by your ability to think on your feet, use your initiative and then just like that, it all came out and he couldn’t control his hunger much longer. 

He kissed you so hard that night that the breath was knocked from your lungs but you loved it, you yearned for more of that feeling and he fucked you so good that you made it a regular thing, without even realising it was becoming one until it was too late. You’d just show up at each others places without a warning and before you knew it, he was fucking you into the mattress and making you cum with a cry of his name.

Now back to the present... you like Andy, in fact if you’re being truthful with yourself, you’ve fallen so madly in love with him that you know it’s time to quit him. He’s like a drug, an addiction and you need to stop going back for more. Hence why you decided that enough was enough. 

You met a guy online, his name is Ashley and he was more than keen to take you out so you happily obliged and sure you had a nice time but there’s just one issue lying in your way. Andy is unsuspecting of your little date and it’s been eating away at you since said date walked you back to your apartment. You know that you need to tell him but you fear that it’ll cost you your job, he did hire you to help you out after all.

Before you can wallow more in your choice to keep things from him, he calls you into his office and you haven’t even gotten any work done yet, you only sat down 5 minutes ago.

What could he possibly want so early on?

“Yes, Mr Barber?” you ask flirtatiously, making him glare up at you before gesturing for you to take a seat opposite him. Which you do.

“So today i’m gonna need you to file this paper work into the data base for me” he starts, lifting up a pile taller than the length of your forearm and now you’re annoyed for real this time. He knows full well that you’re still finishing off the stack from Friday and yet here he is presenting more work for you to do “get it done by the end of the day” he finishes, flashing you another stone cold glare as he looks back down at the paper on his desk, not even bothering to acknowledge your presence for a second longer.

Until you speak up “Andy, you know i’m still finishing off Frid....”

“That’s Mr Barber to you and you can leave now” his rude and snappy interruption makes you scoff as you shake your head at the tone in his voice, he’s not in any mood today to help you out or make exceptions. So you do as you’re told, hauling the heavy pile into your arms and lugging it back to your desk outside. Once it’s on your desk, you walk back to shut his door before he asks, making sure to slam it harder than needed to make it known that you’re angry with him.

He doesn’t seem to notice or care though.

Now to get started on all of this work that’ll probably mean you staying later tonight, just brilliant. Guess your second date with Ashley will have to be rescheduled.

------------------------

You finish off half of the pile by the time it gets to 1:30pm and you’re due a lunch break round about now so seeing as though Andy hasn’t left his office all day, you decide to pop out for some food with one of the other assistants, Stacey. Thank God you don’t have to face him since you have absolutely no clue what could have possibly rattled his cage this morning to make him snap at you like that. The two of you have always had this ongoing joke of you calling him Mr Barber and he usually allows you to call him by his first name until today when that alone was enough to anger him.

It’s obvious that you’ll have to put off telling him about your date until he’s in a better place to receive the news. You’re hoping that since he’s always been opposed to commitment that he’ll take it well but the halt in your fooling around might annoy him a little. It’s not your problem though, he always knew you were planning to eventually settle down.

Upon your return to your desk you find Andy sat in your chair, looking through your work “where the hell have you been?” he mutters as he avoids your eyes “you know what, don’t even bother making excuses, my office, NOW” you jump out of fear as he raises his voice slightly at you for the first time in the whole 2 years you’ve known him. Your anxious body shuffles into his office, scared of what’s about to happen.

“Was i not clear enough earlier Y/N? Hm? Because i specifically remember asking you to have this work done by the end of the day. You get off at half 4, it’s now half 2 and you’ve only done half. Do i pay you to galavant around town with Stacey or do i pay you to do your goddam job?”

In the 2 years that you’ve known Andy, he’s also never made you cry, yet here you are trying your absolute hardest not to let these tears fall in front of him.

“You pay me to do my job and i’ve tried my best to get it done. I-I’m sorry” you stand there awkwardly, picking at the torn skin around your fingernails as you stare hopelessly at your stilettos. “Well your best isn’t fucking good enough Y/N, try harder. You can stay here until all of the paperwork is done and that includes Friday’s load too now close the door on your way out”

Is he actually serious? He can’t be, surely. What is wrong with him?

“No” you stand tall, hands on your hips as you talk back and if he was angry before then now he’s livid with you “What do you mean no?” he questions, stepping towards you, hands in his pockets as he awaits your answer.

“I said, no. Just because you’re in a bad mood for whatever reason does NOT mean that you get to stand here and humiliate me. I said no and that’s final. I’ll do my best to get today’s work done before i leave but Friday’s work can wait and i don’t care what nasty comment you have in store to throw back at me”

His face screws up as he clenches his jaw again, you should feel really scared right about now, that comment might have just cost you this job but you don’t care. If that’s the case then you’ll walk out of here proud of yourself along with one less so called friend in your life.

“Bad mood? I’m furious and you don’t even know the half of it” he picks his phone up, tapping a couple times before handing it to you and walking back to his desk to sit down. You watch the clip in his camera roll, squinting as you try to make out the faces in it and then you realise that it’s you and Ashley. Fuck. He was there that night at your apartment, he was obviously coming to see you and you didn’t even know it. He must have seen you with another man and changed his mind. You feel awful as you look back at him, he just sighs once you place the phone onto his desk.

“Andy, i-i”

“Save it. If you wanted to cut our little deal off then you shoulda just said. I don’t appreciate being lied to Y/N and i don’t fancy talking about it with you for a minute longer so just do as your fucking told and get back to work”

All you can do is turn around and walk away since you’ve done enough damage already. But all you can think about is the look on his face after you watched the incriminating clip. He looked sad, broken even and it’s replaying in your brain over and over. Torturing you. 

This is why he’s been so nasty today, so demanding and harsh. He’s hurt that you lied to him, hurt that you were with someone else, even if it was just dinner. You still arranged a date with another man and went and what Andy has never wanted to admit before, not even to himself is that he really likes you. In fact no, he’s fallen madly in love with you. 

Every waking moment of his life is spent with you on his mind. You even corrupt his dream world too and it’s gotten out of control. Saturday he decided it was time to cut your little deal off and start over. He was going to do it right, confess his feelings, ask you on a date and then take you out and treat you like a princess.

Ever since he laid his blue eyes on you that first time when he was doing the presentation in your class at college, he liked you. You asked so many questions, engaged a lot in the debates and he knew then that you were going to play an important role in his life. And you have. You became close friends, going out regularly and doing things like bowling and eating dinner together more than a handful of times. He enjoyed your company and you enjoyed his but there was this unspoken rule that you had to remain just friends. He wasn’t ready for anything serious and you were still not over your ex.

But then when you walked through his office door on your first day dressed in that skirt, those heels and stockings and lets not forget about that blouse. He was trying his hardest not to drool. One things for sure though, he was painfully hard for you.

When he came to your apartment Saturday and saw you outside your door with some preppy douchebag who was around your age, he felt this lump in his throat form as his heart ached. Sure he expected you to get a man eventually after all you are 24 and he’s in his 30’s. But he didn’t expect it to happen so soon. He also didn’t expect you to have such an effect on him the way you have but here he is, angry at you for moving on without telling him and angry that you aren’t his anymore. 

He feels bad for shouting at you today, for being so harsh with his words. He could see the tears pooling in your eyes right away but he was too pissed off to stop and now he’s almost certain that any friendship the two of you had is gone for good thanks to his vile actions.

Another 2 hours tick by and you’re still working at your pile, you’ve still got a lot left being that he’s included Friday’s in your load too. It’s going to be a long night so you pick your phone up and call Ashley.

“Ashley hey, it’s uh, it’s Y/N. Listen, i have to work late today so i won’t be able to make it” you announce and as he responds, Andy opens his door but you don’t notice.

“Rain check? Uh...” you trail off, trying your hardest to decide if you even want to see him again. It’s like you’re torn. On one hand you have Andy, your dream man. A man who knows your body like the back of his hands and a man who can more than likely take care of you if you just took a leap and told him about your feelings but then on the other hand you have Ashley. A guy who is your age and who makes you laugh a hell of a lot. Before you can even decide though, you hear a cough behind you. It’s Andy.

“Ashley can i call you back? It’s just now’s not really a good time, i have a lot of work to get done”

You hang up the phone as your eyes are locked onto Andy’s and the moment your phone is placed back onto your desk he wraps his large hand around your wrist, lifting you up off your chair and tugging you into his office. You watch as he locks the door behind him before going back to sitting behind his desk.

“You gonna see him again?” he asks, jaw clenched.

“I-I uh, i don’t know. I’m a little torn right now” your eyes settle on his plump pink lips, wanting nothing more than to bite down on his bottom one as you sink down onto his cock but you’re dirty thoughts come to a staggering halt as he speaks. “Torn with what? You like him right?” why is he asking you these things? Is he trying to torture himself with the details.

“Yes i mean no i mean I don’t know. I like him but i don’t think i can date him”

“How come?”

“Because i like someone else, in fact i love someone else”

Andy feels his heart sink further as more cracks appear threatening to shatter it completely. You love someone else and now he’s truly out of the game.

Rage works it’s way back into his body and he can’t help but take it out on you “did you sleep with him? Huh? Did the douche bag get to fuck that tight cunt of yours?”

At first you find him funny, laughing as you look around the room, anywhere but his eyes but then your own rage sets in.

“Not that it’s any of your business but no, he didn’t. We had dinner and that’s it” you state, matter of factly as you place your hands back onto your hips..

“Bullshit”

“Is that what you really think of me Andy? You think i’d just give it up to any guy that even looked my way. Wow, i knew you were a lot of things but vicious was definitely not one of them and what’s that i smell? Is it jealousy? Surely not.” you tut, shaking your head “I don’t think i even know you at all by the looks of things if you thought lying to me was better than being honest and trust me, i’m not jealous in the slightest, in fact i pity you. It’s your sex life that will suffer” he doesn’t falter for even a second as he stares you down and just as he anticipated, you’re the first one to break, looking away from him. You can’t help the way your heart starts to race from all of the fury filling up your body. How dare he.

“I was only keeping it from you until i found the right time to tell you. And don’t you dare think for one second that just because we’ve slept together that you have any right to comment on my sex life. You made it perfectly clear that monogamy wasn’t your thing so don’t be mad when i finally want to move on from being someone’s fuck buddy” you spit, heat rising to your cheeks as you realise what you just said. Fuck.

“I’ll comment on whatever i fucking want to so quit the bitching and yeah, i don’t do commitment but i sure as hell wouldn’t be with you even if i did”

You don’t respond to him this time, there’s no quick comeback to fire his way, no insult that could mean you having the upper hand again. Nothing is left but shock and disappointment. He really said that, he really played on your biggest insecurity. He played on it and used it to his advantage, to get the upper hand and win the argument.

“What? Got nothing to say?” he snorts, smug grin on his face. Watch his smile disappear now...

“I love you, Andy” you finally get the words out and you feel as if you’re going to choke on them and die right here in his office. Cause of death, unrequited love.

“W-what?” he’s practically speechless, his words barely audible.

“I’m so madly in love with you and i have been for a while now. But i continued to shut my feelings out and reject other guys because i came to the realisation that having you in any way that i could would be enough for me even if it meant that i couldn’t have you in the way that i’ve always wanted. But none of this matters now, right? Because you’ve made it pretty clear how you feel and where you stand. You wouldn’t date me even you did date and that’s fine but at least now both our cards are on the table”

He looks up at you, using his index finger to force you to look back at him and when you do, he looks so deep into your eyes almost as if he’s attempting to see into your soul. Like he’s trying to search for any signs of dishonesty.

“Why didn’t you just tell me? Instead of going out with other guys you shoulda told me and been honest about it?” is all he can say and that’s the last response you expected but what catches you off guard the most is how he said it, almost like he was hurt and relieved simultaneously.

“Andy, you’re my boss and you made it clear that you didn’t want a relationship” he has absolutely no right to lecture you about honesty when he’s spent the entire time he’s known you blabbering on about how the single life is better for him and how he’d hate to be tied down again. You roll your eyes as you move away from him when he attempts to move closer.

Silence falls upon the two of you and it seems never ending, leaving you no choice but to leave. The moment you turn around to walk away he’s on his feet too “where are you going?” the tone his voice makes it sound as though he’s pleading for you to stay without actually saying the words.

“I’m going back to my desk to do my fucking job, just like you told me to do earlier” you turn back around but just as you expected, he stops you “look. I’m sorry, okay. I was just mad that you”

“Mad about what? That i went out on a date? I’m a single woman Andy and despite our little deal, i don’t belong to you so you have no right to be mad at me for doing what any other single person does”

He bites down on his bottom lip as he runs his fingers through his perfectly styled locks, messing them up instantly “God, you’re so fucking infuriating”

“I’m infuriating? You really are clueless to your own behaviour aren’t you? I just told you that i love you and you still haven’t told me if you feel the same. So i think that says it all, don’t you?” you stop yourself before continuing your rant, trying your hardest to prevent something worse slipping out. Right now in your state, you’re bound to say things that you don’t mean and will later regret. “you know what, i think i’m gonna take the work load home and complete it there. I’ll see you tomorrow, if i still have a job that is” you raise your brows at him, praying he doesn’t fire you for your attitude alone. But to your surprise he doesn’t.

“You really think that low of me? That i’d ever fire you because of what’s going on between us outside of this office? Wow” he leans back on his desk and his shoulders drop as he slumps over, looking down at his large calloused hands.

“It’s what i assumed would happen. You’re really gonna pretend like you don’t want me gone after today?”

“I don’t, believe it or not. But i have no time to deal with this discussion any longer, i have to leave early today” he says as he goes back to sitting behind his desk again and turning his computer back on “i don’t expect you to stay any longer, you can take that work home and finish it after your date” he mutters the last few words, pulling a face as if they make him sick.

“Really? We’re back to that again. God i’ve had it with you” you spit, biting down on the inside of your cheek before strutting over to the door but his hand stops you before you even get yours on the lock.

“Let me go Andy. I don’t even want to look at you, let alone be stuck in a room with you” harsh, but in this moment it’s true. He’s done nothing but upset you all day long and even after your stupid decision to confess your love for him, he’s still doing it. You feel so defeated right now that you can’t take another second of his shit.

“Just one more thing and then you’re free to go and fuck whoever you want, whenever you want. How many guys have you been on dates with since we started hooking up?” the desperation is evident in his eyes as they pierce into yours, searching again but this time for the answers before you can even open your mouth to give them to him “one. It was only one date on Saturday night with Ashley” and that’s the truth. You would never repeatedly date behind his back, this was a one off. A one off you’re regretting more as the seconds tick by.

An awkward silence falls upon the two of you once more as he walks back over to his desk, pacing next to it and creating a draft. “Are you planning to see him again?” and he’s back with more questions. Why does he care so much?

He clearly doesn’t love you too otherwise he’d have said it once you confessed your feelings for him. Instead he left you looking like the biggest joke ever, the clown. And you feel so mortified for even believing he’d say it back.

Silly little Y/N, always catching feelings for men who don’t feel the same way back. You’re starting to feel as though you’ll never find someone.

But still his behaviour has you second guessing him. Maybe he does like you and that’s why he’s acting so hurt.

“Maybe i will, after all i am single. That shouldn’t be a problem, should it Andy?” you know full well that you’re pushing down hard on his buttons and you can see his cheeks turn red as his knuckles turn white from his tight grip on the side of the table.

“What you don’t like that? You don’t like the thought of me on top of Ashley, sinking down onto his cock as he touches my body and kis -”

Out of nowhere he interrupts you, slamming his fist down onto his desk “dammit, Y/N, what is it with you? Trying to make me jealous? Because i’ve had just about enough of you running your mouth” he pulls one of the chairs out, falling into it and spreading his legs “In fact. I’m so sick of your voice. Why don’t you come over here and put your mouth to better use? Huh? Maybe then you’ll shut up about that fucking douche bag” he is jealous, it’s so obvious to you now. He’s jealous of Ashley, jealous of the possibility of him spending time with you and he hates the thought of someone stealing you away from his tight grasp.

You can’t quite believe your ears or your eyes as he spreads his legs further, grazing his hand over the tent in his dress trousers and you can’t help the gulp that follows.

“Andy”

“Shhh, enough talking. I don’t have it in me anymore to argue with you, just come here” he insists but you stand your ground “no. i can’t keep going round and round in circles with you with absolutely no end in sight and with no hope for you to reciprocate how i feel. I’m sorry but i’m leaving”

Yet again, as expected, he clears his throat “fine. I guess i’ll just get off all by myself”

Like they always do around Andy, your legs turn to jelly and your eyes glaze over along with your better judgement being clouded by x rated thoughts of him railing you. The idea of him touching himself, working his hand expertly around his girthy cock causes arousal to flood your panties. How dare your body betray you like this. How dare your mind do the same. It’s not fair that every time you think you have the upper hand and the dominance, he comes along, snatching it away from you and proving you wrong.

You have absolutely no idea why you’re about to do what you’re about to do other than the fact that your body gravitates toward him like a magnet and it’s out of your control.

So without a second longer to fester or overthink, you spin around on your heels, charging towards him. Andy watches in awe as you drop to your knees and make quick work of his belt. Once you free his cock from the confines of his black Calvin Kleins and into your small hand you spot the droplets of precum oozing out of the slit on his red bulbous head. You look up at him through your eyelashes, batting them as you give the tip a couple of kitten licks before spitting all over his shaft and pumping him agonisingly slow.

“Fuck” he groans, rolling his eyes back as he grips the arm rests on the chair when you take him into your mouth “attagirl, sucking daddy’s cock like a fucking pro” his hands grip your face as he continues to watch you go to work, making a mess of yourself as you gag around him,

You don’t bother to issue a warning before taking all of him in your mouth, all the way down to his balls over and over. Making sure to hollow out your cheeks as you bob your head up and down, your tongue licking the underside of him as your hands grasp his balls. He starts bucking his hips up, attempting to fuck your mouth but you push him back down as a whole batch of unholy sounds that only you can elicit from him fall from his perfect lips, the sounds that are so loud and downright filthy that he has no option but to cover his mouth with his hand, biting down one of his thick digits to keep from exposing himself to his unsuspecting colleagues outside.

He soon pulls you off and you do so with a pop. He forces you to look up at him, his hand grabbing your cheeks and squeezing aggressively “no matter what undeserving boys you go out on a date with, no matter who flirts with you. You’re mine, always have been and always will be” he moves you to straddle his lap before he stands up to move the two of you to the couch.

“So no more dates princess, no more other guys. Because i’m the only one who gets to have you. Is that clear?” he cocks his brow up at you and you nod in response before mumbling a quick “yes” to satisfy his need for confirmation and assurance.

He lifts your knee length dress up to your stomach before he gets to touching you, squeezing at your ass cheeks a little too hard for your liking but you secretly love the way he gets so rough with your body, the way he smacks both ass cheeks repeatedly until you wince from how sore he’s made you.

“God, these clothes drive me crazy. Ever since that first day i met you, i’ve wanted you and when you started working here, i was so desperate to fuck you as you wore these stockings and these heels. You’re so fucking hot, princess and you have no idea how crazy you drive me when you bend over, shoving this ass in my face”

He starts to kiss your neck, sloppy open mouthed kisses on the spot that has your back arching as you grip onto the back of his neck to steady yourself. He’s working you up all the more, turning the pool in your panties into a river. You’re dripping wet for him, desperate for him to just fuck your greedy pussy, desperate to clench down around his cock as he pounds into you.

“You’ve done it before Andy. Many times in fact”

His kisses halt as he smirks at you, that devilish look in his eyes. It always drives you wild “do it again, please, i need it” you beg pathetically and much to your surprise, he does exactly that. He takes your panties, tugging them to the side and playing with your soaked core a little as well as touching your bundle of nerves. You whine into the crook of his neck as you urge him to hurry before he eventually pulls his pants further down his legs to position himself at your entrance better. You don’t even have time to breathe before he’s knocking the air from your lungs as he fucks himself to the hilt inside of you.

The way his pace continues to pick up until it’s rendering on animalistic is causing you to let out the loudest and sexiest sounds, it’s like music to his ears but he can’t have anyone hearing this. He flips the two of you over so that you’re below him, your legs pushed back to your head and you hold them in place. His hand covers your mouth as he slides himself back in, not making any effort to start slow “you’d better be quiet or everyone’s going to know what a naughty little slut you are” he continues with rough snaps of his hips as he fucks into you with reckless abandon and causing the sweet music you make to vibrate onto his hand.

“Yeah, like this? Like the way i fuck this pretty little cunt?”

Thrust

“Bet his cock couldn’t even touch what mine does to you, the way you cry out for more and scream my name every time. The way i can make you cum with just my words and my fingers. God, such a dirty little girl for me, ain’t that right, princess?”

Satisfied hums follow his questions along with a frantic nod as you feel the coil tightening in your stomach, like a knot twisting and pulling, you’re so unbelievably close that you can almost taste the impending orgasm. “Don’t make a fucking sound when i move my hand, okay?” again you nod in response and he moves his hand, smiling down at you with adoration in his eyes before moving his hand to your aching sex. His fingers pressing down onto your bundle of nerves, rubbing firm circles on it and as soon as your walls flutter around him, he knows your close.

“Gonna cum, huh? Gonna make a mess all over my cock? My filthy girl, go on baby, cream all over me”

Just like that, along with his permission you let everything go, allowing yourself to really feel the pleasure. Your walls flutter around him again and again and each time he pulls out of you he spots your juices as they cover his cock beautifully. The sight alone has his hips snapping harder, the sound of his skin slapping against yours bounces off of the walls in his office and you accidentally let out a lewd moan that he swallows with his kiss as you wrap your legs around him to pull him closer “cum for me daddy” your encouragement sends his entire world spinning as his thrusts stagger. 

His cock jolts inside of you, twitching like crazy before his cream fills you up deliciously, painting your walls in thick ropes. You arch your back as your arms wrap around his neck. You need to feel his lips on yours.

He kisses you so hard that your teeth clash, making the two of you chuckle into each others mouths before attempting again. This time his tongue forces it’s way past your lips, battling with yours as he rides the two of you through your dramatic and intense highs.

Once his hips still and he pulls out, he flops down next to you. The two of you are nothing but a panting mess. Chests rising and falling along with your erratic heart beats.

“I love you too” he confesses, making you gasp as you turn your head to look at his spent body, the way his eyes meet yours and tears pool in them has your eyes doing the same.

“Andy”

“I’m not finished. I’ve felt this connection with you since the day i first met you, it caught me completely off guard. When we made the deal for it to be just friends, i was upset. I wanted a lot more but i know i wasn’t ready just yet. But the way you’d draw out laughter from me that no one else has ever been able to and the way you’d boss me around only made my feelings grow. Then we fucked and it was like confirmation to me that i was well and truly screwed. But i kept coming back for more because it was like an addiction, i had to have you in any way that was possible and if sex was the only way then i’d have stayed single forever just to keep you close. I’d have done anything to be able to hold your body and kiss your neck and make you feel good. If doing that as just your fuck buddy was the only way then so be it. But i got to a point where just fucking you wasn’t enough. I wanted something real with you. So on Saturday-” before he can even finish you sigh, sitting up.

“You came to tell me how you felt? Andy, why didn’t you just say that earlier?” you don’t know how to feel right now. You’re so consumed by emotions that your head is spinning. One one hand you’re angry, annoyed and upset that he kept this from you and didn’t just tell you he felt the same when you confessed how you felt. But then on the other hand you’re relieved and happy that he does feel the same. This was never some unrequited love, it’s always been reciprocated and real. 

All the lingering stares you’d catch, all of the compliments thrown your way and the insults hurled at random guys who’d ogle you whenever you were out in public with him or whenever another guy at work would take an interest.

“I saw you with that guy Y/N and i broke down. Then today, i expected you to come in and talk to me about it but instead you sat down at your desk, acted normal and didn’t say a word. I was hurt that you’d keep this from me. I know we both felt these things and i know both of us were unaware of the feelings being reciprocated but you still didn’t tell me you’d even thought about seeing other people and i guess i just expected more from you, more honesty”

He’s right. You don’t have it in you to argue because he’s right. He might have had his reasons for hiding his true feelings but you hid your date from him and that’s a lot worse. How was he supposed to just come out with it when all he could think of was you with Ashley.

“You’re right. I was wrong, i didn’t even think about the effect it would have and i was selfish. To tell you the truth i only went out with that guy because i was trying to move on from you, i didn’t want to keep feeling this strongly with no possibility of you feeling the same so i did the first thing i knew to do, date some other guy”

Andy can’t say he isn’t relieved to hear you admit that preppy college boy means nothing to you but it’s bitter sweet, you saying that you thought your feelings were one sided so you wanted to move on to avoid getting hurt further makes him hurt too. You’ve always meant more to him than just some friendship or some steamy sex. You’re the first woman he’s even looked twice at since Laurie and that means a whole lot more than you’ll ever know or understand.

“So what now?” you ask, puppy dog eyes showing as you await his response.

“I know it’s a bit backwards but how about a date tomorrow?”

God, he really is so handsome, so sweet. His deep and raspy chuckles make you giggle along with him as you straddle him once again, crashing your lips to his, his beard scratching at your face just the way you like.

He pulls away for a second “is that a yes?” once more you shake your head, tutting at him “a thousand times yes, Mr Barber. Yes i’ll go out with you” he wraps his arms around you as he pulls you flush against his suit clad torso, kissing you eagerly and smiling into it. He finally got the girl.

---------------------------------

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LMK if you want to be added to any of my tag lists...

[bobohu4eva]

Pink Lace - Chapter 8

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader (feat. EXO members)

Genre: College AU, stripper AU, fluff, smut, slow burn

Summary: Baekhyun, a philosophy professor with mysterious wealth, got himself completely fucked over a girl who can’t let him into her life.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: sex work, mentions of sexual assault, adult themes/situations, smut 

Tag list: @smolbeanmika @leave-me-in-the-summertime @totallynerdstuff @bbhmystar @nana-banana @kimyhappy @thegreatandi @geniusloey @deligxt @baekswifey @bbhyun506 @lovebuginlove @bellamendoza @baekyeonoreo @bobohumyonlyboo @wooya1224 @strawbaeri-s @xiuweetbbh

Masterlist

For Baekhyun, the first half of the week was spent preparing. For the first date of all first dates. A first date that would be heart flutteringly romantic, yet private and comfortable. Exciting, but also intimate. Something where he could talk to you, where he could touch you if he wants, where nobody else could see and judge. But also somewhere where he wouldn’t be able to bend you over and take you if you decided to start teasing him again. That would need to wait until after the date, for which he also had big plans. 

 Endless phone calls were made. Flowers, chocolates, and champagne needed to be bought. His mind was set, this date would be nothing short of perfect. So perfect in fact, that you would have no choice but to fall for him the same way he’d fallen for you. The man was dedicated. 

First though, he needed to ask you in a way that would guarantee a yes Baekhyun, I would love to go on a date with you, and not just an ‘okay’. 

His first stop was the florist, owned by his friend Minseok. It was a quaint little shop where he knew he’d be able to get a perfect custom arrangement with all your favorite flowers. Little did you know Baekhyun had used his professor status to look up Mia’s school email, and had been in contact with her in order to make sure he got the best possible things to fit your preferences.  

“Lilies and roses, those are her favorites. As many of them as you’ll give me.”

Minseok ended up putting together a box, a wide white cylinder overflowing with lilies and roses in all shades of white, red, and pink. It was big, a bit extravagant, and quite expensive. But Baekhyun did not care, if anything he was trying to go as over the top as possible, to really show how much he cared and wanted to make this special. No purchase was too large, no gift too much. 

The chocolates were imported from Switzerland. A large box with endless flavor varieties, each one more delicious than the last. The last time he’d had them had been on vacation in Europe, and it was not so easy for him to get his hands on them outside of the EU. But after a few phone calls, he had them on their way over with 2-day shipping. 

Baekhyun wasn’t one to usually spend much money at all. Not because he didn’t have it, he just didn’t feel the need. He had a nice home and a nice car. There wasn’t anything he regularly bought, aside from food. Most purchases would either be related to movies and games online, or would be for his friends. 

But he loved spending money on you, because for the first time in his life there was a girl who cared about more than just his family’s wealth. You actually cared about him. He’d never wanted to spoil someone like this before out of fear that they might only stick around for the financial benefits, but that didn’t worry him when it came to you. He found it almost laughable that after so many years of dating ‘proper’ women, women his family would’ve liked, women who looked great on paper but brought him no excitement and used him for his money, he finally found someone who actually cared for him at a strip club. The universe sometimes works in mysterious ways, he told himself. 

Once the chocolates had arrived and he had acquired the flowers, it was time to get going. 

~

Wednesday afternoon you and Mia decided to put away your homework for a while and bake something together. Apple pie was the agreed upon project for the day. You were in the process of slicing up the apples when you started to wonder just what was taking Baekhyun so long, after all he’d already told you he was going to ask you out. Why couldn’t he just do it? 

“I wonder why Baekhyun still hasn’t actually asked me on a date yet, he said he was going to on Saturday and it’s Wednesday. Do you think he might’ve changed his mind?” 

Mia had to work to hold back her smile. Not only did she know when he planned on coming to ask, she knew the exact flowers and chocolates he was bringing, as well as the date and time of the date itself, all of which Baekhyun had carefully discussed with her. 

“He definitely hasn’t changed his mind, that’s for sure. He’s probably just taking his time to make sure it’s special.” 

“He’s only asking me on a date. He could literally just text me. It’s not like I’ll say no anyway.” 

At that, Mia couldn’t help but crack up. Maybe that was the norm for college guys, but Baekhyun? Ask you in a text? After everything he’d done? It was laughable. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing!” Mia said and put two hands up in the air in defense, but you’d known your best friend for long enough to tell when she was lying. 

“You know something. Tell me.” You demanded, taking your apple slicing knife and pointing it towards her. 

“Get that away from me! And my lips are sealed, sorry.” 

No matter how much you annoyed her about it, she wasn’t going to tell you. Not only was she sworn to secrecy, she wanted you to enjoy the surprise. 

“Come on, did he say something to you? Just tell me.” 

“I’m not saying anything. You’ll just have to see, but I promise it’ll be worth the wait.” 

“You are so evil.” 

“You still love me” 

The pie was eventually assembled and put into the oven, at which point you returned back to your own room to continue doing homework. Mia stayed out in the living room, since she knew there was a guest arriving shortly. 

~

It was finally time for Baekhyun to go to your house to ask. After approximately 30 minutes of just making sure his hair looked right, he finally grabbed the chocolates and flowers and got on his way. 

It was a pretty warm day, but even with the AC blasting as high as it would go Baekhyun was still sweating. He knew you would say yes, but his hands felt slippery on the steering wheel of his car anyway. It had been almost 5 years since he had last done this, since he had asked a girl out. It had been even longer since he’d asked someone out that he was actually excited to spend time with, and really hoped would say yes. 

The closer he got to your home, the more nervous he became. He couldn’t even explain to himself why. He knew you were home, he knew you would say yes, he knew you were free the day he was going to take you out, and he knew he had the perfect gifts. This was exactly why he’d interrogated Mia via email for days, but when it actually came down to it he couldn’t help worrying. What if you were mad that it took him so long to ask and wouldn’t wanna go anymore? What if something came up last minute and you wouldn’t be able to? He wasn’t sure if his heart would be able to take a response like that. Especially since setting up the date itself had been a whole other story, one that not even Mia knew about. 

Baekhyun could feel his heart thumping in his chest as he got the chocolates and flowers out of his trunk and started walking up to your front door. When he knocked, Mia was the one to answer. 

“Hi Baekhyun!” She said, looking him up and down, and then to the flowers and chocolates he was holding, a wide grin on her face. “I’ll go get her.” 

You heard your name being yelled from the living room so you peeled your thighs off your desk chair and made your way into the common space to see Baekhyun, holding the most enormous flower arrangement you’d ever seen. 

Mia went to her room, leaving you standing before him, slightly flabbergasted. 

“Sorry I didn’t do this sooner, but can I take you out on Saturday?” He asked, peeking over the mountain of flowers that hid the bottom of his face. 

You immediately grinned and nodded enthusiastically, pulling Baekhyun through the doorway. You grabbed the flower arrangement and set it down on the coffee table before sitting down on the couch with him. 

“I would’ve asked days ago already but I wanted to bring these too and it takes a little while for them to get shipped from Switzerland.” 

The flowers had distracted you so much you hadn’t even noticed the box of chocolates he was holding as well. 

“Baekhyun this is crazy, how much did all of this cost?” 

He only rolled his eyes. “You know none of that matter, I just want to make you happy, okay? And you like them right?” 

“Well of course I love chocolate, and the flowers are beautiful, roses and lilies are my favorites.” 

“I know.” He grinned at you.

“I never told you that?” 

“I might’ve found your friend’s school email...” 

Your eyes widened. “You did not-” 

“Professors have access to every students files and that includes school email addresses, and you mentioned her a few times so I figured I would ask her some stuff.” His hand made its way to the back of his neck and he looked down at the ground nervously. “Sorry if that’s weird, I just wanted to make sure I’d get the right things and that you wouldn’t already be busy or anything.” 

You smiled “It’s alright, this is definitely the most anyone's ever done for me for a first date, or any date for that matter, sorry if I don’t really know how to act right now.” 

“Nobody’s ever bought you flowers or chocolates before? Really? Are those boys you go to school with that dumb?” 

“I don’t really date around much anyway, and maybe once or twice for valentines day or something, but definitely never like this.”

“Well you deserve to be showered in flowers and chocolates all the time.” He smiled and grabbed the box and untied the fancy looking ribbon holding it together, and removed the lid. “Try one, this stuff is crazy, no other chocolate has been the same since I first tried it on vacation in the alps a few years ago.”

Of course he went on fancy European vacations. You wondered if someday you’d get to tag along. 

He picked a piece and held it up to your mouth and you took it between your lips. He was right, it was amazing. 

“Oh my god this is so good. Holy shit.” He was right, this would pretty much ruin all other chocolate for you. 

He watched you as you finished eating it and placed a hand on your chin, bringing your eyes to meet his. “Give me a taste.” 

He pulled you in for a slow open mouthed kiss, savoring the flavor of the chocolate on your tongue and leaving you breathless. You weren’t sure if you’d ever be able to get used to the way he kissed you. He was so good at making you feel like your insides were melting with desire it felt almost dangerous. 

“You’re intoxicating, I could kiss you all day.” He said as he pulled away from the kiss just enough to speak. You could feel his breath on your face and his eyes as they bore into your own. 

“Oh come on you’re just saying that because of the chocolate.” You laughed as you pulled away further, face now a bright shade of pink. 

“The chocolate is amazing, but your lips are even better.”

“God you’re so cheesy.” You rolled your eyes at him, but he still just smiled back. “So where are you taking me Saturday?”

“It’s a surprise, I’ll pick you up here around 3:00 and it’ll be a bit of a drive but I promise it’ll be well worth it.” 

“Can you give me a hint at least? Will there be food? What should I wear?” 

“Yes there will be food, and just wear something comfortable and weather appropriate.”  He considered it for a moment, trying to think of something that wouldn’t be too obvious. “It’s an outdoor thing, and something I’m almost 100% sure you’ve never done before, but that’s all you’re getting out of me. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“You’re so mean.” You pouted. “You make me wait for days and now you won’t even say where you’re taking me.” You really wondered what was so special that he couldn’t just tell you. It was only a first date so it wouldn’t be anything that extravagant anyway right? 

“Once you see you’ll understand why I want to keep it secret, just trust me, okay?” You rolled your eyes again, “Hey, y/n, look at me.” 

He put his hand on your thigh before giving you a serious look. “I know this might not seem like that big of a deal to you, but it’s been over 5 years since I’ve taken someone out like this, and even longer since I’ve been this excited to. I just, I really want to make this special, so can you trust me?”  

You gave him a soft smile and a nod. “Of course, I'm impatient is all... And I haven’t really done this in a while either...” 

“It’s really shocking to me how someone as beautiful as you doesn’t have a constant stream on boys trying to take you out.” You chucked, and thought back to Lucas and how he’d asked you to a party. 

“Me and college boys don’t really mix well, I’m not someone who enjoys big parties and they usually aren’t really interested in getting to know me anyway, or once they do they realize I’m just a boring STEM major. You saw that guy Lucas, I’m sure he was just hoping I’d go party with him and get wasted enough to end up in his bed. No thank you.” 

“He was so pushy too.” Baekhyun said as his face fell into a frown at the unpleasant memory. 

“Boys will ask me out sometimes, sure, but it’s always just to a party or a movie or something, somewhere you can’t really have any kind of meaningful conversation anyway, so I assume they just want to sleep with me. And I’m not really interested in that.” 

“You seemed more than happy to let me rail you in my office last week.” Baekhyun laughed, making your face blush an even deeper shade of red.

“That’s different!” You said in defense, giving a light slap to his shoulder. “You’re not some college boy, and we have technically known each other for a while already.” 

Baekhyun had a wide smile plastered on his face again, “Doesn’t change the fact that I’m the one who had to keep it from happening.” 

“Which I still think was pretty lame of you...” 

He caught your eyes again, before leaning in to whisper in your ear, “Baby I’ll make sure that was worth the wait too.” 

You shivered, and as soon as he had pulled away you couldn’t help but throw your arms around him and pull him into another kiss. He quickly deepened the kiss and pulled you onto his lap. The two of you sat like that for a while, exploring each other’s mouths, enjoying the closeness and intimacy of it. Eventually you ended up laying down next to one another, still kissing lazily in each other’s embrace. You knew better than to escalate it into anything sexual now, so you just enjoyed the softness of his lips on yours and his arms wrapped around your waist. 

After some time Baekhyun had to go, and you thanked him again for the chocolates and flowers. As soon as he closed the door behind him, Mia emerged from her bedroom. 

“See! I told you he’d ask soon! Also, he’s even cuter in person.” She giggled and you laughed in agreement. 

“Did he seriously email you about me? What all did he say?” 

“He asked about your favorite everything pretty much, when you’d be home this week for him to ask you, when you’d have time over the weekend, all that. I assumed you wouldn’t mind missing work for the date so I told him Saturday night.” 

“Was there anything else? Any idea where he’s taking me?”

“No, I asked but he wouldn’t tell me either. It was really cute though, the way he was talking about you. He’s seriously whipped.” 

“You don’t say.” You laughed gesturing towards the huge flower arrangement and box of chocolates still on the coffee table. 

“You have to tell me where he takes you, I’m really curious. Did he tell you anything?” 

“Just that it’s outdoors and I don’t need to dress fancy.”

You could tell Mia was thinking, trying to figure what it might be the same way you had. “A picnic maybe?” 

“That feels almost not fancy enough for him, but I don’t know. I really can’t think of anything outdoorsy that nice.” 

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to find out! Come on, let’s cut into this pie.” 

The evening was spent eating pie, and with Mia showing you Baekhyun’s emails to her. They made you feel like your heart might explode from the sweetness and consideration he had when planning everything. He’d even made sure to get you milk chocolate rather than dark chocolate. There were a plethora of other seemingly unrelated questions as well, including your favorite snack foods, colors, and more. You felt a little bad for how much he’d asked her about. 

As the hours went by, you were looking forward to the date more and more.

 Saturday afternoon couldn’t arrive soon enough. 

Next Chapter

A/N: Sorry this one is late and a bit short, but the next update will be *much* more exciting I promise ;) 

[nathanknowsitall]

Just That Good

Summary: Your best friend Tom Holland doesn’t know about your job as an online sex worker, but when you let it slip, he has a lot of questions.

Notes: This one is dedicated to all my fellow sex workers, online or irl! I love you all and I hope you’re staying safe! <3

“How’s work?”, Tom said casually, as he checked on the noodles he was boiling for lunch while you mindlessly were sitting at the table, scrolling through Twitter. 

“Fine, I just got a lot of personal requests today”, you mindlessly said. 

“For what?”, Tom said, confused, making realize what you just said. “Don’t you work for that magazine still?”, he asked curiously.

“Umm...”, you said trying to stall while you figured out how you were going to get out of this one. You had successfully kept your job as an online sex worker a secret for the past year with only a handful of slip ups in front of Tom. 

You knew that, logically, this was stupid. Tom was your best friend and you knew that he wouldn’t treat you any differently just because you didn’t have the most traditional job. He’d probably only get a little protective, but that’s just something Tom does anyways.

“Are you there, Y/N?”, Tom asked, concerned. 

“Oh...yeah”, you said as you figured out how you were going to get out of this. “I’m working on a self-help article”, you said, but Tom wasn’t buying it. 

While you tried to go back to looking on your phone, Tom was just staring at your back, trying to figure out why you were lying to him about your job. 

As he brought two plates of pasta with vegetables over, you could feel his stare on you. It made your heart speed up and your face go cold. 

You sat across from each other and it was rather awkward as you both started eating. There wasn’t the easy flowing conversation that you were both used to. Only sneaky glances at each other from across the table. You were already sick of it when Tom then decided to clear his throat.

“Do you need something?”, you asked as you stared him down.

“It’s just that I don’t believe that you work at a magazine”, he says, accusatory.

“Why don’t you?”, you said as you sat back, curious about his reasoning.

“Well, you never really seem to have a set time for work. For being an office job, I would think that a regularly scheduled shift would make sense. Plus, you seem to be able to take off a lot of time, for being an intern.”

“Uh huh.” You knew that you hadn’t covered your tracks well, but this was embarrassing. 

“Then, you also never seem to bring work home. You never complain about the work you do, which you are notorious for”, you rolled your eyes as he continued. 

“Finally, you never have any details about your job. Not a coworker’s name, no work events, no meetings, nothing at all. What magazine do you even work for?”, Tom said with suspicion. 

You were at a loss for words. He really had caught you. You bit your lip as you tried to wrack your brain for any magazine, any magazine at all, but came up empty. 

Tom felt bad about what he had said and took on a soft tone as he concluded, “I don’t know why you are lying to me about your job, but I just want to say that, whatever is going on, you can tell me. Even if you wanted to quit your job, I’d help pay for whatever you need. You can come live with me. If it’s too hard going to college and working, I completely understand. Just please tell me something.”

Right then, you knew you had no reason to worry about what you said next. 

“I’m a sex worker.” Tom’s eyes widened slightly as he looked you in the eyes, as if he was checking to see if you were serious or not, then his brain caught up with him. 

“What does that mean?”, he said very confused, as his head tilted slightly to the side. 

You burst out laughing because, for how scared you were, you were relieved to hear him say such a normal, Tom thing in response to what that had been in the back of your mind for months. 

“Well, sex workers are people who do any sexual activity in exchange for money, like selling nudes or doing porn or having sex with clients.”

“What do you do then?”, Tom said in such a boyish, curious tone that it took you by surprise. You had expected him to be nervous or angry or anything but calm and curious like he was now.

“I sell nudes and videos on Twitter and on a site called OnlyFans.” He nodded as he seemed to mull it over.

“I’ve heard of OnlyFans before...”, he confessed and you got a curious look in your eye, which he responded by following up with an awkward explanation. 

“I’ve never been on it, but I just thought it was for like...established people? In your industry? If you know what I mean? Are you like? Established? Famous?”, he said rapidly. 

You laughed a little at how Tom was so respectful but so nervous about talking about it. 

“No, I’m not ‘famous’, Mr. Movie Star”, you said as you rolled your eyes while Tom got embarrassed at the nickname. 

You continued, “I just started a year ago, but I’m doing pretty okay for myself. I can pay the bills, so no need for me to move in with you or anything drastic like that”, you said as you looked at Tom whose blush hadn’t gone away. “I’m still looking for another more ‘traditional’ job, but this has been working out okay for me so far, so don’t worry, okay?”, you said as you looked into Tom’s eyes, making eye contact with him for the first time since you told him. 

He looked less tense than before and more embarrassed than anything. It was obvious that he was going to ask more questions, but he still nodded all the same. 

“What are some things you do?”, he said curiously. 

“Well, I have to film and edit and post stuff mostly. Sometimes I have personal requests that I have to fill. I have to plan out different scenes and buy props for them and-”, you explained clinically. 

You were trying your best to be serious, but you felt yourself become embarrassed. Tom was your best friend, but also someone that you wanted to someday be more with. You had never really talked about sex like this with him. 

“What do you mean ‘buy props’?”, Tom said. When you made eye contact with him, you knew he was teasing, but you still answered him. 

“Like lingerie...”. Tom’s cheeks heated up again. “And toys...”. You leaned forward. “And whips...anything you can think of really”, you said as you stood up from your chair and made your way into Tom’s space. 

You don’t really know what came over you, but you straddled him and put your hands on his chest, just like you would if you were trying to seduce someone. 

“God...you must be good at it...”, Tom said under his breath. You grinned from ear to ear as you laid your head on top of his shoulder. 

“Do you like it?”, Tom said softly, with sincerity.

“I really do. I know that it seems really weird, but I like the process.”

“Like the...umm...you know? Mast-”, Tom tried. You pushed your head up to look at him as you answered.

“Yeah, yeah. I do...umm...play with myself on camera?”, you tried. Tom nodded stiffly, but his dilated pupils told a different story. 

“Are you getting horny?”, you asked Tom. You instantly felt your face heat up as you asked it, but you couldn’t help but ask. This was the closest you had ever been to making a move on Tom.

“Umm...yeah? Do you want me to stop?”, Tom asked awkwardly as he froze. 

As you looked into his brown eyes, you decided to make a move.

“Can I kiss-?”.

“Yes, darling”, he said before your lips met. It was pure neediness and passion that overwhelmed you as you kissed him. His lips were so soft and you melted.

After a few minutes, you both parted, panting as you recovered from the kiss.

“Did you mean that or are you just that good?”, Tom joked.

You rolled your eyes. “It may be good at faking, but I can’t fake how long I’ve been waiting for that. Also, I can’t fake how wet I am”, you teased as you rubbed yourself on Tom’s erection.

“Oh...you shouldn’t say that to me”, Tom teased, “I’ve dreamed about having you like this for so long...”.

“Then take me”, you demanded. Tom immediately stood up while holding you and took you to the bedroom while you both were in awe that this was happening.

[butterflyinthewell]

Important online safety message to minors.

I’m almost 40. I’ve seen some scary stuff online.

It’s a sad world that someone has to tell you to be more situationally aware of creeps, but I hope this advice helps you be safer online.

🗣

You don’t have to specify your age, but make sure it’s clearly known that you are a minor if an adult engages you online.

If it makes you more comfortable, you can put something on your profile like “I am a minor, 18+ please do not interact.” Add it to your posts too if you have room (it depends on the site). One unfortunate part of Web 2.0 social media is not everyone checks a profile before they retweet / reblog / share someone’s stuff.

If an adult keeps engaging with your stuff and you don’t want them to, it’s okay to block them.

Stay away from spaces adults have marked as nsfw, off-limits to minors or unsafe for minors. Chances are there is material in those spaces that you may not be ready for, or it will shock, offend, frighten, disgust and/or trigger you.

Some adults will pretend to be minors, and unfortunately I don’t know what kind of “tells” give away that they’re lying about their age, but I’m sure someone who knows more about that can reblog this and add that info.

Now, here’s what to do if a creepy adult starts creeping.

If their profile states they’re a MAP or NOMAP, block instantly. MAP / NOMAP means Minor Attracted Person / Non-Offending Minor Attracted Person. These people are pedophiles. Some of them identify themselves with the acronym PEAR or the pear emoji. 🍐 Be wary if you see this in someone’s profile info.

PEAR stands for Pro-Expression Anti-Repression. That’s something you apply to fiction, NOT reality. Fiction can be turned off, flicked off a screen, a book closed or otherwise disengaged from the moment someone doesn’t like it. Real life doesn’t work that way, and don’t trust anyone who claims it does.

It doesn’t matter if a MAP / NOMAP claims they’re getting “help” for their pedophilia or not, they should not be engaging you in any capacity.

If you engage them and discover they’re a MAP, disengage and block.

If an adult sends you anything that is sexually explicit, no matter the form, be it art, fanwork, videos, audio, roleplays, etc, screenshot it for evidence, block that person and tell someone you can trust.

Even nudity that is not sexual (this includes furry art with exposed genitals) should be treated as suspicious if an adult knows you’re a minor and still sends it to you despite being told you’re uncomfortable with it. They might be trying to desensitize you to the sight of nudity so they can show you more and more explicit stuff. Do as above; screenshot, block and report to someone you trust.

+ Part of the grooming process is the adult tries to reach you somewhere private, like DM’s or a messenger app and desensitize you to stimuli you would normally reject by exposing you little by little to it. Think of it as a twisted form of exposure therapy for phobias, but you don’t want this exposure. They want you to get curious and will up the ”intensity” of the explicit material.

The media itself existing is not the problem (unless the adult using it on you made it), the real problem is adult using it specifically to desensitize you into thinking that kind of stuff is okay in the real world. If an adult engages you, shows you media with questionable material in it and tries to tell you “see, it’s okay because it’s being done here” screenshot it, tell them fiction is not the real world and break off contact.

Most creeps stay hidden, so their blog may not contain a trace of anything weird, but when they engage you they send you all kinds of creepy adult stuff. An adult who is engaging you to groom you will use pretty much anything to try to make you think it’s normal and okay for them to do that to you. Remember always that it’s not. Remember the line between fiction and reality.

No adult should be sending a minor any pictures of naked people (or naked furry art with visible genitals) of any age no matter how innocent it seems!!!

If an adult sends you pictures or videos of themselves in their underwear, naked, showing their genitals or showing themselves doing sexually explicit stuff, screenshot the evidence, block them and report it to someone you trust.

If an adult asks you about sex toys or sends you info about them, that is really suspicious. Screencap, block and report to someone you trust.

If an adult asks you questions about your body, like what your hair ‘down there’ looks like, or how you’re developing, or if they ask if you touch your private parts, screenshot the evidence, block the adult and tell someone you trust.

If an adult asks you questions like “do you know what a (something sexual here) is?” or any questions that are sexually explicit or makes you uncomfortable, screenshot that crap, block them and tell someone you trust.

If you’re a creator and an adult tries to commission materials with nudity or sexually explicit stuff, refuse and tell them you’re a minor. If they persist, take screenshots, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult sends you violent or gory stuff and you don’t like it, demand that they stop and block them if they don’t. Screenshot anything they say if they keep doing it, and tell someone you trust.

If an adult demands you get on camera for them, do not do it. Screenshot the evidence, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult is threatening to reveal secrets you told them unless you do what they say(ie “send me a closeup of your private parts, or I’ll email all our chatlogs and your old naked photos to your whole school”). DON’T DO IT!! Screenshot the evidence, block them and tell someone you trust.

If an adult threatens to hurt themselves if you stop talking to them, stop talking to them anyway. This is especially true if they actually harm themselves and show you pictures or videos of it. That is a classic abuse tactic and it’s not your fault if they hurt themselves. Block them.

If an adult you blocked makes more accounts to keep contacting you, or starts showing up on other sites you visit trying to contact you, screenshot all the evidence and tell someone you trust.

If an adult (or anyone)tries to smear your name because you wouldn’t obey them, use any evidence you have against them in your defense and tell someone you trust about the situation.

If you run a blog talking about your abuse or experiences and an adult engages you to ask uncomfortable probing questions about the details of your trauma / abuse, be very suspicious and block them.

If an adult talks to you like you’re their special friend, or if they say you’re their very special friend, be very suspicious.

Acting like a sole source of kindness is one way an adult can groom a minor. They want you to feel like they are the only source of good that you can trust because they want you to gravitate more and more to them.

If you tell an adult you don’t like it when they swear while talking to you privately and they stop, but gradually start to do it again, be wary! An occasional oopsie slip or typo is one thing, but slipping in swear words when they know it makes you uncomfortable is suspicious. They may be testing your boundaries.

If an adult tries to set up an in person meeting, refuse it and talk to someone you trust about it.

If an adult (or anyone) tries to tell you that you should only trust them and nobody else, expects you to behave a certain way to be accepted, or if they act as if you’ve wronged them for trusting people other than them, that is a huge abuse warning sign. They are not safe to be around and you should break contact immediately.

If an adult compliments you in ways that makes you uncomfortable, break contact. A grown adult should not be telling a minor “you’re sexy” or “you’re hot.”

If an adult makes frequent comments about how mature and grown up they think you are, be suspicious.

If an adult learns you’re trans / non-binary and asks questions about your private parts or whether you plan to get surgery, be suspicious.

If an adult asks if you’re alone at home, say no even if you are.

If an adult asks if they can come visit you, say no.

If an adult asks for your phone number, don’t give it to them, no matter how nice or tempting they may be.

If an adult is making you uncomfortable in any way, it’s okay to block them and disengage.

Do not approach an adult with nsfw stuff you made. If they run across it in public on your blog that’s one thing. Sharing it with them in private can get both of you into trouble. Don’t do it.

🗣

Note: if you, a minor, did any of the above because you didn’t know better at the time, know that you are not a bad person. No adult should take advantage of your youth or innocence to hurt you.

🗣

To adults out there:

Do not approach minors with anything sexually explicit!!! This should not need to be said.

If you send something and find out they’re a minor after the fact, apologize and don’t do it again. If you think it’s proper to avoid any more private contact, do that. If you think breaking all contact period is proper, do that.

Make sure minors know you are over 18, whether it’s somewhere on your profile or tacked onto your posts. Something like “over 18, minors DNI” is helpful. I personally have my year of birth (1980) on my profile because that’s easier than changing a number every year.

You can’t prevent minors who fake their age to see naughty stuff from engaging with your stuff, but you can make it clear that you will not engage them back. And do not engage them. In fact, if you’re worried about that, block them when you discover them.

Private conversations with minors is okay, but make sure you tell them you’re not comfortable talking about something if they mention something sexually explicit. Even if it’s fandom related stuff, keep the conversation away from anything more than talking about characters dating or kissing or whatever.

If something you ship has an underage character, do not talk about it in private with a minor, not even if the character is aged up to adulthood.

Got nsfw stuff on your blog? Tag it that way.

I use “n s f w post” for stuff I want to show up in other related tags, “nsfw post” for reblogs, and “nudity” for nonsexual nudity like mermaids with bare chests or artistic nudes. Those tags are specifically for minors to blacklist or mute. (I don’t usually reblog nsfw artwork, but sometimes I post nsfw fanfics, create nsfw text posts or reblog nsfw text posts / fanfic. If I feel it’s nsfw, I tag it such even if most people don’t think it’s nsfw.)

If it’s fanfiction, I make sure the rating is listed and that it’s nsfw, and I try to warn for triggers as best I can.

If your blog or website features a lot of adult or violent content, mark it 18+ and tell minors to not interact.

If a minor approaches you and tells you a harmless secret, fine, keep it secret. You, the adult, should never approach a minor and tell them you will keep their secrets.

If a minor is expressing a desire to harm themselves or someone else, don’t keep that secret. Tell them to talk to someone they trust irl or put them in contact with a hotline or website where they can get help. Be supportive in talking them down from immediate harm, but do not become their therapist. (It’s tempting, you see a kid in trouble and want to help, but always be careful!)

If a minor tells you they’re being abused by an adult in their life, put them in contact a website or phone number where they can seek help. Be supportive and listen, but don’t become their therapist.

If you run a role play blog, state explicitly that you will not engage in nsfw rps with minors.

If you’re roleplaying with a minor and the story takes a nsfw turn, tell the minor you will not role play a sex scene with them no matter how much they want to. Either fade it to black with a time skip or bail out of the rp.

I say this because I forgot the age of someone I was rping with on AIM a long long loooong time ago and it got explicit, and they got in trouble with their parents for it. Their parents contacted me on AIM without their teen’s knowledge and reamed me out so hard I was scared for weeks. They were right to do so! I told them they were right, apologized profusely and swore to never rp with or speak to their teen on AIM ever again, and they agreed to those terms. I kept that promise. Any contact with that former rp partner was done in public, such as via deviantart comments or LiveJournal comments. It was a major learning experience for me and it stuck because this happened almost 20 years ago.

As an autistic adult I feel more like a kid with all kinds of adult knowledge and privileges (ie can gamble, drink, visit adult places) that most kids don’t have. I relate more to people who are younger than me, but that doesn’t give me the right to assume their level of knowledge or lived experience is equal to mine.

What I’m trying to say is always be aware of the age of the person you’re rping or speaking with!

Do not commission sexually explicit or violent stuff from creators who are minors.

Do not engage with a minor who sends you sexually explicit stuff. Tell them that’s inappropriate or you’re not comfortable with getting that from them.

It’s okay to agree with a minor that an adult celebrity or character they have a crush on is attractive or whatever, but if the celebrity / character is a minor or the minor talks about wanting to have sex with that character / celebrity, tell them that’s not an appropriate topic of conversation because of your ages.

This also applies to them sharing fanworks with you depicting explicit nsfw stuff. Deflect them and tell them it’s not appropriate due to your ages.

Do not ask minor for personal info like their school, phone number or address.

Don’t do any video chats with a minor unless they’re family or it’s a group thing like a Zoom event.

‼️ TAG YOUR STUFF APPOPRIATELY!! YES, EVEN STUFF YOU RESHARE!!

‼️ USE APPROPRIATE WARNINGS!! YES, EVEN STUFF YOU RESHARE!!

[jaythelay]

Funny situation.

Pizzacakecomics makes comics on r/comics and other places. She made a couple comics about what women go through, primarily she's a humourous artists, her most recent one incited alot of rage, but to me? It was actually well made.

See, the comic is essentially a boiled down reality of what women go through in their life. From childhood to adulthood, the sexual harrassment women go through and why women have a stereotype of being offended or overreacting to men asking them out. With the last 2 panels being a point of contention, in which some shy dude tries to ask her out and she goes off on him. This causes the dude to go online and rant about women. Bare in mind, the first panel is a child being sexually harrassed by an adult in a car. That's where we started and Incels ignore the first 2 panels.

Entirely because of projection.

See, those panels to me just made sense? Probably because I've seen women in real life Idunno, but imagine throughout your life ya got grown men wanting to rape you, like the average story by women is they stop getting hit on as much when they aren't 14-16 or some disgusting shit. Random dudes just constantly demanding you to be an object of their desire, no humanity.

Imagine catcalling your bros but uncomfortably and poorly and for years and decades even when everyone tells you to stop. Yeah women don't like that either. That is a bad thing. But again, incels ignored the first two panels, gotta add it.

That just follows them into their daily life to the point when anyone comes up and Yet Again you're being demanded time of, seen for your physical form and not an ounce of care for your actual self. You're still just seen as an object of desire, again, again again, again.

See, the last guy failed primarily because he's indistinguishable and tiring. Did he do anything wrong? Meh. That ain't the issue, but say he was, coming up and proposing to someone you aren't even friends with is...indistinguishable from average harrassment, not that it is harrassment, that, after So Long and So Much, you're gonna tunnel vision completely out of safety, that even non-harrassing stuff just feels like more average annoyances with great risks.

Really I dunno what to tell dudes who haven't grown up harrassed damn near everyday. The "solution" men have for their problems is to "just be a man" and when women can't also cognitively dissonate, that's on them, because we do it out of social pressure and thus we are the only victims!!1!!111!1! Like my god man anytime a woman complains here comes the incels to downplay women's issues and uplay their own. Incels make it Very Obvious we need to focus on women's rights before men. If they refuse to engage with women then their criticisms are worthless, besides quite literally all of their problems modern feminism wants to resolve, they just prefer pretending extremist viewpoints are the only viewpoints (That's why they're incels folks!)

Even then though, it's clear that the intention of the comic was nothing incels wanted it to be. Especially that one dude's "comic" in response to it, which was just...a sad, sad sight to behold from a long time liar.

As for Pizzacake, I think the problem of Reddit and content farming just puts her into this bucket of "Yeah you're trying but you're kinda phoning it in" What bothers me is I bet she could make some interesting works but seems tied down to these miniature comics with big points she can't completely address. I Really Like the latest comic because it was So Damn Obvious but Very Well Elaborated. Incels see that last panel and instead of the smallest of realizations, a shred of relatability, any interest in discovering situations they'll never be in or hear of in their daily lives, they went for the throat, pathetically missed, and are further mocked by those in the know.

I want a long form comic in the same veign. Because there's an alternative perspective that can be added onto the previous comic. From many perspectives, it can continue and be established. You get the perspective of the MC, and then you swap to the other's perspective, genuinely the message is so clear I can't find fault anywhere for someone to miss the point, but god I love 2 perspective comics like this one.

[sweet-sammy-kisses]

Make my Heart a Better Place

Written for @badthingshappenbingo​ prompt victim blaming Fandom: 9-1-1 Pairing: Eddie x Buck Rating: M Warnings: past rape, deal with the therapist, anti Ana, tackling the belief that men can’t be victims and protective Eddie and Fire Fam Word Count: 2,964 Summary: Eddie learns about the therapist and what she did to Buck as Buck finally opens up about what has happened to him. Eddie realizes who his heart longs for as he helps Buck confront and deal with his past. You can read it on AO3

It was the kind of story that would never be first picked. It would be shuffled around until it was placed at the bottom left to be forgotten. After all, men can't be raped. Men can't be victims of abuse. Men are supposed to be stronger than a woman. So there was no way a woman could rape or abuse a man.

Taylor Kelly knew different.

Taylor had seen firsthand how horrible women can treat men. How they can use "they'll never believe you" and "what kind of man can't protect himself or his kids from his wife?" Toxic way of thinking. Women were barely believed when they came forward men were even less so.

But Taylor refused to let this story fall through the cracks. A woman, a woman therapist had used her position of power to sexually assault her male clients, men in valuable places, who were seeking help instead had new trauma to deal with. No Taylor would do everything in her power to expose this woman and see that those she hurt stories got told and hopefully gave them some closure.

+******+

"Men can't be raped."

Buck froze at Ana's comment and he wasn't the only one so did Taylor who had been talking about the story she was working on, a story she was very passionate about. The only reason Taylor was there was because Buck couldn't stand being the third wheel on the outing with Eddie and Ana. It originally was just supposed to be him and Eddie but then Ana invited herself along and Taylor being the good friend she is agreed to come as well.

Buck couldn't look at Eddie he was afraid of what he might see. He knew that Eddie didn't agree with Ana, they had seen too much in their line of work to know that stigma wasn't true but Eddie was a different man when around Ana, he went out his way to agree with her, to make her happy. Buck didn't know if it would be Eddie answering or Ana Edmundo.

"Edmundo?" Ana's voice broke through the haze that Eddie had found himself in since Ana uttered those words. "Don't you agree with me?" She continued looking at him expectedly to agree with her.

Eddie knew he didn't, he didn't agree with her and he was coming to see that there were a lot of things that he didn't agree with her. He certainly didn't agree with her comments about Christopher needing limits and her slight hints that he needed to start setting limits for his son. He was tired of being her Edmundo. "Ana I do believe that men can be victims of rape and abuse from women. But because of the stigma around such crimes, how people look at men and see that they can't be abused or rape it is harder for them to come forward for they know that there is a smaller chance of them being not only believed but mocked and made fun of for allowing themselves to be victims in the first place."

Buck felt the heaviness in his chest unravel as his Eddie spoke up, disagreeing with Ana's belief.

"Very well said, Eddie. I'm impressed." Taylor teased trying to ease the tension in the room even though she wanted nothing more than to rip into Ana for her misogyny beliefs.

A scoff escaped Ana, she couldn't believe that Edmundo would think that way. Men couldn't be victims it just didn't happen.

"You have a very narrow-minded way of thinking." Buck's voice was soft as he began to speak.

"Excuse me?" Ana's eyes narrowed as she took in Buck's form, she hadn't gotten off to a very good start with the other man. She disliked how deeply woven he was in Edmundo and Christopher's lives, he was in her place and she needed to claim her spot. To make Buck see that she was the one meant to be in the co-parent spot with Edmundo after all she would someday be Christopher's stepmother and it was time Buck stepped back and allowed her to take her rightful spot in the Diaz's lives. It was when Edmundo told her that it was going to be just him and Buck tonight she had invited herself along, she wasn't blind she saw the way that her boyfriend looked at his best friend and he never looked at her that way. She wasn't about to let a prize like Edmundo Diaz slip through her fingers.

Buck looked a little uncomfortable at Ana's glare and he was starting to regret ever speaking up when he felt Eddie's hand settle on his thigh, squeezing it in support and lingering there. Looking up he saw Taylor flashing him a supportive smile.

Taking a deep breath Buck began again, "Eddie is right. Men can be victims. A woman in power can and have taken advantage of men in vulnerable positions. They can feel helpless after it has happened and it can haunt them long after the event. And your way of thinking is why men won't come forward because they are a man and they can't be raped. Women aren't innocent they can use their positions to get what they want. A woman boss could take advantage of her male employee make it clear to him that he has much more to lose than she does if he doesn't agree to her demands. A therapist could seduce one or more of her male patients into having sex with her, she could have sought them out and studied their online profiles and knew things about them before their first appointment and when they were at a vulnerable point in their life when they had come to them for help instead of offering them anything that they might need they decide to have sex with them instead. To force them to have sex with them, they might have not said no but they certainly didn't say yes. Then they feel guilty and so dirty afterwards that they don't tell anyone because they don't think anyone even those closest to them will believe them. They hide what they went through and the shame haunts them, lingering in their nightmares."

Something about the way Buck spoke and since he knew Buck so well and could read him Eddie knew at that moment his Buck had gone through something like this. He wasn't just speaking what he believed he was speaking from experience and it felt like a dagger had pierced through his heart that someone, anyone, could dare to hurt Buck like that. Buck who is pure sunshine was the last person who should have been put through that.

Taylor felt a wave of rage and sadness washing over her as she realized that Buck, Buck who had been the first person to give her a second chance was a victim. 'No, he is a survivor.' Had been hurt like that. She could see that Eddie had come to the same realization as she had and she almost snorted Eddie was already protective over Buck he was about to reach a whole new level. And whatever relationship Ana had hoped to have with Eddie was now nothing more than a pipe dream.

'This also just might be the push these two stubborn idiots need to finally see what is before them. I wonder if there is still time for me to get in on the bet?' Taylor wondered she also couldn't help but wonder how long it would take for the rest of the 118 to catch onto what had happened to Buck and part of Taylor hoped she was there for when Athena Grant - adopted mom to Buck - got her hands on the woman who had raped Buck.

Ana didn't look impressed or moved by Buck's passionate speech, "If a man can't fight off a woman or protect himself then he has no one to blame but himself." There was a challenge in her eyes as she looked at Buck, "Those kinds of men are weak and no doubt exhausting to be around."

"Your exhausting."

Eddie's words shouted at him in rage and hurt still carried the sting they did that faithful day and the room seemed to cave in around Buck. "I'm sorry, I need to go." Shoving back his chair Buck was on his feet and moving towards the door before Eddie and Taylor could even realize what was happening.

Smiling smugly to herself Ana took another sip of her drink as Eddie and Taylor returned to the table. She would make sure that Eddie saw that Buck was a bad influence in Christopher's life and it was best they cut him out of both their lives. 'After all, they have me now, why would they need Buck?'

+******+

"No. I don't want this." Phantom touches that Buck didn't want to follow him. He tried to run away from them but they wouldn't let him go. Lips on his skin burned like acid. Hands and fingers run across his skin left a trail of disgust. Buck wanted nothing more than to shove her off but he couldn't. He had never felt so helpless, so powerless. Not even when he had been pinned under the fire truck.

"No!" A scream tore itself free from Buck as he shot up in bed, his heart pounding loudly in his chest. He struggled to catch his breath as clawed at his skin, trying desperately to remove the feel of her off of him.

A chocked sob escaped Buck. He hated this, he hated this so much between the nightmares of being pinned under the truck, the tsunami and now he was tormented with images of that woman touching him. He couldn't understand it, he had wanted it. Hadn't he?

+*****+

Something was off with Buck. The man looked haunted and Eddie knew that he had been tormented by nightmares and it tore at his heart he wanted nothing more than to gather the man up into his arms and let him know that it would be alright. He wanted to kiss him and hold him in his arms and promise him that he is safe and sound and no one will ever hurt him again.

But he couldn't because Buck wasn't his and he had a girlfriend whose opinions had been the cause of him reliving a horrible event in his life. 'I need to talk with Ana. She isn't the woman I thought she is and I don't want her around Chris or Buck.' Eddie knew that he was going to have to break up with her. He had done some serious thinking and he realized that the only reason he was even dating Ana was that she was the perfect woman to bring home to meet his parents but she was the wrong kind of woman to be in his life or even think about raising Christopher with. 'Not that would happen, we have Buck.'

"Why does Buck look like someone kicked a puppy in front of him? And whose ass do I have to kick for making him look that way?" Hen asked as she arrived, her arms crossed over her chest and a deadly look in her eyes.

A frustrated sigh escaped Eddie's lips as he ran his hands through his hair, "Ana joined Buck and mine boy's night and said some things that opened my eyes to see what kind of woman she is behind those pretty smiles. It affected Buck."

Hen's eyes narrowed, "Just what did she say?" Hen hadn't been impressed with Ana and not just because she was coming between her two stubborn boys. There were her comments about what Christopher should and shouldn't be allowed to do, how she refuses to respect Eddie and call him by the name he prefers and not Edmundo. There was also jealousy that appeared in her eyes when she saw the family that Eddie, Buck and Christopher made.

"She said that men can't be raped or abuse victims," Eddie admitted.

Hen knew that her jaw had dropped in shock, "That is complete bullshit." They had seen it in their jobs. "Please tell me she didn't victim blame?"

Eddie's sad eyes were all the answers she needed. "We should let Athena talk to her," Hen muttered if anyone had a chance to make Ana see sense that men can be victims it is Athena Grant.

"Ahh, that might not be the best idea." Eddie glanced around happy to see that Buck was still beside Bobby, their captain had taken one look at Buck and called him into the kitchen to help him make breakfast for the crew. Part of Eddie wanted to get Hen's advice, to tell her his fears about Buck but he didn't want to betray Buck's confidence like that and it wasn't like he had proof but he knew deep in his heart that Buck had been a victim of rape and it still haunted him to this day.

"Eddie, are you alright? I know you like Ana and this can't be easy for you." Hen placed a comforting hand on Eddie's arms.

A sad laugh escaped Eddie, "I'm not sure. Ana is complicated, she is what my parents would see as the perfect wife for me and mother for Christopher that is part of the reason that I am trying so hard to make it work with her. But she isn't perfect, it is her little comments about what Chris should and shouldn't be allowed to do and I see how her trying to set limits for him is hurting my son. Then there is her attitude towards Buck, she just doesn't seem to like him."

Hen could only stare at Eddie, "She doesn't like him? Buck? Our sweet puppy Buck?" That was something she couldn't grasp. That didn't sound well for Eddie and Ana's relationship working out not with how important Buck is to both the Diaz boys.

"And there is something else. The way Buck reacted to Ana's statement. She hurt him with her words, it was like she knew how to hurt him and made sure every word hit their mark." Eddie admitted.

Biting her lower lip Hen studied Buck who had Bobby smiling at him like he normally does when the younger man has done something he finds cute. "Yeah, okay introducing Ana to mam bear Athena is out." Hen knew that Eddie had figured something out about Buck but she wasn't going to push him for answers it was up to Buck and Buck alone to decide if he wants to open up to them about what is haunting him. "I can't tell you what to do Eddie about Ana all I can say is follow your heart."

"Carla said almost the same thing," Eddie mumbled out.

Hen grinned, "Well she and I are both wise women, you should listen to us more."

Eddie found himself returning the smile as his gaze was once again drawn to Buck when he let out a loud laugh and his heart felt lighter at the sound and the room seemed brighter at the sight of Buck's smile. "I really should."

+*****+

Buck could feel Eddie's eyes on him all day, which wasn't something new but he could tell that he had figured out why he had reacted that way the other night. Feeling himself nervous Buck approached his best friend, the man he is in love with, playing with the string on his bag. "Can I talk to you?"

Picking up his bag Eddie studied Buck, "Of course you can always talk to me. Chris is with Abuela tonight so despite not seeing your favourite Diaz we can talk at my place."

"I'd rather Christopher not be around for this conversation, it is not for the ears of children," Buck explained.

"You can talk to me about anything Buck, you know that," Eddie promised.

A soft smile appeared on Buck's face, "I know that. You always have my back Eds."

+******+

Arriving at Eddie's place it didn't take long for Eddie and Buck to make themselves comfortable on the couch, their legs pressed against one another and a bottle of beer in their hands. Once again Buck was amazed at how at home he felt in the Diaz's home, it was his safe place.

"Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." Eddie promised Buck as he rested his free hand on Buck's knee and left it there.

Licking his dry lips it took several moments before Buck could find the strength to speak. "The first therapist I saw, the one that worked for the department I had sex with her. I didn't say no but I didn't say yes. And even though it was years ago I still have nightmares about her, about how dirty she made me feel. How no matter how many hot showers I took I could never get clean." Turning to Eddie Buck could feel his eyes filling with tears, "I didn't want to sleep with her Eddie. I didn't."

Strong arms wrapped around Buck pulling him back against Eddie's chest where he drank in the scent of sand wood and musk, the scent that is purely Eddie.

"That woman took advantage of you, Buck. You did nothing wrong, that woman was in a position of power and she should have never used it to do that to you." Eddie never hated anyone as much as he did the woman who did this to Buck. Tightening his grip on Buck he pressed a kiss on Buck's curls and kept whispering words of comfort as Buck clung to him and cried for what had been done to him, knowing that he was safe in Eddie's arms.

[ao3-sucks]

An Archive of Someone’s Own: my experiences being groomed in fandom circles on AO3

TW: Childhood sexual abuse, grooming, mentions of incest and rape.

I used to be a big writer of fanfiction. It was the logical choice for me. I loved to write and create bold and immersive worlds, and I craved an audience who would enjoy my work as much as I did. Since my writing wasn’t actually good, I needed a community of other amateurs who wouldn’t mind that, and by tweaking my characters and settings into ones from canonical media, I got the audience I so craved.

I started writing fanfiction online when I was 14, posting initially on FanFiction.net and then moving to AO3 a few months later. As I got back into writing original fiction towards the end of high school, I lost interest in this community, and it’s been a long time since I posted anything much on AO3.

I’ve always struggled with the fact I display a lot of symptoms of CSA, and for the longest time, I couldn’t figure out why. Throughout my teen years, I refused to get changed or bathe when anyone was even vaguely nearby, constantly paranoid about being spied on; I developed a severe touch phobia, and would have frequent panic attacks from something as small as brushing arms with a passerby; I resolutely identified as asexual and refused to get into anything resembling a relationship with others because the very concept disgusted and repulsed me.

Weird, considering I had grown up pretty normal and all of these symptoms had started around my early teens. It was only when I told my friends about my friendship with a 30 year old I had met online that the pieces started falling into place for me.

Child grooming is usually discussed in the context of one adult going out of their way to befriend a child with the goal of lowering their resistance to sexual abuse, through normalisation and friendliness. I’d like to talk about how that worked on the fanfiction website AO3. Since it’s an open website and most communication takes place between anonymous users or accounts in the comments section of a work, there is very little delineation between spaces for adults to discuss whatever dark topics they like and spaces for kids to do the same.

This frequently leads to pretty inappropriate conversations between people of widely varying ages and life experiences, which is how I ended up talking sex as a fourteen year old with people ranging from a couple of years older than me, who were generally okay, to more than twice my age. The 30 year old in question listed on her profile how many pedophilic ships she loved, and she knew my age but pushed me to keep discussing sexual topics with her. Sounds like a red flag, yeah? Well. I was 14, and very stupid.

This 30 year old woman, who I will call Aku (because it’s similar to her screen name and because it’s funny to name her after the bad guy from Samurai Jack) would start conversations with me whenever I posted anything to AO3 and would refuse to take no for an answer when I tried to back out of conversations with her, and since these conversations were public and occurring within comments, I didn’t want to be rude to her since this was taking place on content I was trying to promote.

I told her my age multiple times and she would either pretend she forgot from last time (saying her memory is super bad) or continue as though it was just trivia about me and not a sign she shouldn’t have been pushing me. My primary objection to what she would say to me (since most of it was just her being annoying) was her insistence on sexualising everything I wrote, and her determination to push me into writing pornographic content, which I eventually gave in to.

Yes, she was a terrible person. She emailed me using her personal email address, so I know her full name and place of residence, because she’s an idiot. These emails also contain sexually explicit materials. Nothing much ever happened between us except for these very creepy interactions and the fact we remained online friends for a few years. But here’s the thing: she wasn’t the only person pushing me into creating sexual content. Lots of people would comment on my writing demanding that I show explicit sexual content when I really didn’t want to.

After a while it felt like I couldn’t write a longer, romantic fanfiction without including explicit sexual content. Like my work wasn’t valid without it. Other, more popular writers were usually sexual in their content, and I wanted to be like them and bring in the views, right? So, when I look at my back catalog of works, I can see how my content moved from completely non-sexual to featuring sexual content over time, and the views usually came with. In this way, I was in an environment that was encouraging me on many levels to sexualise my own work, which impacted the way I thought about my creative process.

Here’s another example I remember. When I was a young sprout, I remember reading down someone’s list of fanfiction recommendations and seeing a work called Hug Therapy, which I promptly read. While the work is marked as explicit and containing the Loki/Thor pairing, the use of relationship and rating tags on AO3 is so poorly regulated that it didn’t really mean anything to me to see either of those. People tag hardcore material as non-explicit and tag friendships as relationships, because there’s no motivation to tag properly. Plus, someone I followed here on Tumblr had recommended it to me.

Now, you wouldn’t know from the listing, but while this piece starts out as comedy, it turns out in the end to include rape, incest, and BDSM in very explicit terms. The fact it was tagged as being explicit didn’t slow me down, because the liberal use of these tags could mean that an explicit tag was just there because sexual content was implied or mentioned, which I thought would be the case based on the rest of the listing. Out of curiosity, I recently tried to report this work to the moderators for containing no warnings about incest or rape, and I got this in response:

“Selecting “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings” satisfies a creator’s obligation under the warnings policy. Users who wish to avoid specific elements entirely should not access fanworks marked with “Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings”. Our Terms of Service note: “You understand that using the Archive may expose you to material that is offensive, triggering, erroneous, sexually explicit, indecent, blasphemous, objectionable, grammatically incorrect, or badly spelled. ….. This decision is in accordance with our policy of maximum inclusiveness; we have therefore closed this case and will not be investigating further.”

Which, yeah, I guess. The frustration comes from how ‘Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings’ is an extremely commonly used tag, and most things that it’s used on are totally harmless.

This fanfiction, which I was recommended by a friend, is hugely popular, in the top 60 most read fanfictions in the entire fandom. You wanna hear the kicker? The author, Astolat, is one of the founders of AO3. They’re not just some random author who isn’t following the rules. They’re a creator of the whole website, and they made the rules. This is pretty telling about how seriously the website actually takes protecting their users.

My final example I want to give is one of fetish content. People in fetish communities generally (not always) say that fetishes are probably something one should work up to after the onset of sexual activity, especially potentially harmful stuff like BDSM. In the circles I was running in, if you weren’t sporting a fetish or two (no matter your age) you were a boring bitch.

Maybe this isn’t true of everywhere in the fanfiction community, but I used to feel that bizarre pressure until I got out. Bear in mind that my main time in this community was from ages 14 to 17. I never made my age a secret, either. I told people outright I was that age, I was in high school, I was playing hockey and studying The Great Gatsby when I wasn’t online.

Since I was in the Avengers fandom and I liked Loki and the Asgardians, I was frequently exposed to incestuous content between Loki and Thor, and a lot of it came out of nowhere or was poorly tagged. This was considered the norm, and while I at first felt completely horrified and repulsed, within a year or two I no longer gave a shit. It’s only in the last few years as I’ve begun to unpack everything that I’ve started to get that strong revulsion reaction to incestuous content.

In the circles I was in, it was relentlessly normal. Normal to the point that people who disliked it were usually shouted down. Even to this day, debate rages on in fandom spaces about whether or not content like this normalises this kind of abuse. In my own personal experience, which I don’t usually like to talk about, it absolutely does.

In real life, this normalisation started to have serious consequences for my mental health and interpersonal relationships. In fanfiction, any occasion when you are alone with someone could become sexual, any familial relationship is possibly sexual, and it doesn’t matter if you like it or not. I became incredibly anxious around male family members for fear of being sexually assaulted, and my OCD, which I had been developing since I was a child, turned from thoughts of physical violence to thoughts of graphically sexually assaulted by anyone and everyone around me.

My fear of being touched got to the point where I would have panic attacks if anyone came anywhere close to touching me. I quit sports, fucked up my romantic relationships, and didn’t hug anyone, not even members of my family, for years. All the while, I had bought my first laptop and was consuming more fanfiction than ever before. I struggled with my sexuality growing up, as I am bisexual, and while fanfiction provided LGBT content to help me, the content was frequently so disturbing that I viewed any expression of sexuality as something evil and predatory.

The community on AO3, whether you like it or not, is often sexual, and provides no barriers between the casual user looking for content and extremely intense fetish material. It’s sometimes called the Pornhub of fanfiction, but considering the wide range of people who use it, it’s more like if you opened Youtube and saw niche hardcore fetish videos just on the front page, recommended and trending.

Sure, you have to click a little button to confirm you’re 18 before you can actually read a story, but the tags and descriptions of readily available works can be extremely explicit. Fanfiction also brings you into close contact with fellow readers and the author, and encourages you to become a content creator, which in some ways makes it more dangerous.

I was affected much more strongly by what I saw than most people would be, because I was already treading shaky ground. But I’m also not the only person out there who has been hurt in this way. Most of my friends who grew up in fandom can report the impact that fanfiction culture had on them. One of my friends from high school knew a panoply of porn terms at age 14 or so due to reading fanfiction, and another of my other friends at high school almost exclusively read rape porn because it was her favourite. I didn’t have friends who watched porn; I had friends who read fanfiction. These are just as troubling to me as any other accounts of young people consuming visual porn from a very early age.

It’s frequently cited that fanfiction gives minority groups the opportunity for creative outlet. It was a great place for me to cut my teeth as a content creator, and a source of acceptance and kindness when times were tough. Fanfiction communities have historically been the domain of women and minorities, and create a space for these people to tell their own stories.

It’s largely because of this that fanfiction communities fear censorship and strict moderation, as they have been attacked in the past on homophobic or misogynistic grounds, resulting in mass deletions of works or the shutdown of websites. But there must be some middle ground between total censorship and the kind of free rein that puts vulnerable people in danger, and I strongly encourage the board of AO3 to seek this middle ground out.

But it’s the community itself that needs to shape up; AO3 is, after all, a community-led website built by fans for fans, so the fact that this website has such issues is a reflection of the issues that run deeply within the people who created it. Aku didn’t talk to me with the intention of doing me harm, or so I believe at this time, and she didn’t pursue me as a lone wolf or in isolation.

She was simply a particularly brazen member of a community that was used to having inappropriate conversations with young people and sexualising everything they did. Even people my own age were jokingly pushing me into discussing and consuming extremely sexual content. It was just normal. That’s what I want to say here. Inside the world of fandom on AO3, the grooming of children with sexual content is normal. And that’s scary.

- Mod Daft