#somehow with the many hobbies i have i do not feel like i have enough fdsjkl

[piplupod]

i need more sitting-down activities that i can do outside urghghh i want to sew but it's too windy (even just a small breeze is too much) to be working with little pieces of fabric and thread. also sidenote hey guess who learned they've been tying knots in the thread the wrong way their entire life (Kam says we did actually know the correct way to tie a knot years ago but that knowledge didn't get passed to me as a part but I don't know if I believe that fsdjkl). i've been doing some arcane wizard shit with tying the thread after threading the needle and I watched a video a few days ago of someone sewing something and saw the way they looped it around their finger and pulled it through and my brain just about exploded HFDSGJKL

anyways. i usually end up drawing outside but sometimes I simply do not want to draw. same with crochet. but I don't know any other easy sitting-down activities that i can do outside so then i don't get outside as often as I'd like to because I cannot think of anything to do AUGH

[marvelandponder]

one amazing thing about the Owl House finale is that it finally contextualized for me one of the central metaphors of the show. Spoilers for the series finale Watching and Dreaming ahead.

we good? no one spoiling themselves? beauty

for a long time now, I thought we had a pretty standard coming-of-age metaphor dichotomized by the show's central antagonists. you've got your protestant witch hunter Belos who introduces a maturity and ugliness to Luz's narrative; he clearly represents a particular, restricting form of adulthood, and just when Belos becomes his most threatening, boom, enter the Collector, Luz's dangerously naïve inner child to ruin all her development on the Boiling Isles. Seems simple enough

what I didn't anticipate was just how specific and personal their roles in the story actually are to Luz once you have the full context from the series finale

look again

this story - this whole series - is about the grief that a neurodivergent kid experienced at a young age, introducing the cruelty of loss and adulthood before she was ready to handle it. and, how to reclaim a more whole understanding of herself as she rebuilds her life with people who get her

Belos is designed to infect the titan carcass like a disease. a cancer. it's super goddamn significant that the titan is King's dad (King, who became Luz's younger brother). they set up Belos not just to be another fascist kids' cartoon villain (although yeah, he do be doing some of that), but to specifically become a force that oppressed the weirdness from the one place that understood Luz. the Iles. the dad. And by the end of the story, Belos's goopy body-horror isn't just for show, he's just like the cancer or other terminal disease that took Luz's dad from her

he's the thing Luz hasn't processed in season 1 that comes in at the end like a warning. he's the threat that forces Luz to grapple with her own humanity, feeling somehow (often completely unjustifiably) harmful to those around her, through the grief she doesn't want to be a burden or the weirdness (neurodivergence) others don't understand. he's the force that says there is something wrong with you, Luz, give in to your grief, this is what you can't face. this is the lie you've been telling to those closest to you: that you're okay

then you have the Collector. (notable that he's a collector, and we see Luz's mom and dad had quite the collection of nerdy memorabilia)

the Collector is the child too young to understand death. Too young to understand consequences, or why their playmates don't feel like playing anymore with someone so weird and maybe a bit too involved in their own world. The Collector is Luz's inner child, that kid we see right before the "worst week ever" — the one who didn't and couldn't understand what was about to happen even as it was going down. unapologetically weird, a bit destructive and short-sighted, but wholly colourful, wholly themselves. that's why the Collector wants to live out Luz's adventures, but without all the depth. just the fun escapist fantasy

but don't think I forgot the internal conflict! :D

because Camila's role also gets an added depth too: Camila was framed at the outset of the series as someone who loved Luz, but wanted her to fit inside a box that she just didn't. later, Luz completely misconstrued her mom's breakdown when she learned that Luz chose to run away. as many people have pointed out by now, Luz misremembers the actual dialogue that Camila says: Camila only wanted her daughter safe, not to lose her. Luz meanwhile felt like she had to choose to destroy this part of herself, or give up her connection with her mom altogether

but we know now Camila actually deeply relates to Luz. she may not understand Luz's fascination with horrific things like on the boiling isles (very akin to a kid getting more grim hobbies in the wake of a death, like Luz's taxidermy), but she loves Luz for who she is. all of her. she never wanted Luz to change

Luz was the one framing the central conflict of the show as go back to her mom or stay in the boiling isles. Luz was the one who felt like she had to punish herself by rejecting the one place where she felt like herself. once Camila realizes what's been going on, and how deeply connected it is to the loss of Luz's dad, she knows Luz is trying to make a "very bad choice for herself." And she won't let that happen (what a great mom!!)

But Luz does have one real choice ahead of her

because of the inner child who once again has to confront death (this time, Luz's own), Luz is able to connect with a father figure, the titan, the one place she feels understood. in the form of a power-up that makes her into a fantasy witch straight out of the Good Witch Azura, the one place she got joy after that huge loss, the titan gives her the strength to face the cancer—a force draining everything good in her life from her and making her question she deserves it in the first place—but only if she can choose herself

and that means choosing happiness, choosing found family, choosing love and friendship and self-discovery in the place she feels most at home! every bond she's forged, everything she's worked for, it all comes down to choosing to face grief and move on in life with weirdos who stick together.

hoot hoot, that's some good metaphor

[nvuy]

Boothill is a “your pleasure is my pleasure” kind of guy do u agree 🎤

mdni. im snatching the mic. i got carried away ty anon for giving me an excuse to ramble about this loser.

he takes pleasing you very seriously. this is serious business. it’s like his day job.

he’s half-convinced he was given a second life just to cross paths with you, so once he’s got you, he’s not letting you go. not for a while, at least. he’s stuck to your hip like glue. wherever you go, he’s most likely right next to you.

he’s always making sure you’re catered to first.

it’s the same in bed.

he’s extremely touch starved, so while he’s got his hand between your legs, he’s also busied himself nuzzling his cheek to yours to feel you helplessly panting against his skin. or, his ear is resting against your heart. whatever works for him in the moment.

he’s absolutely smitten with how warm you get. he’s always, always, pressing himself against you one way or another. just touch all over his face, please and thank you.

he’s all for kisses too. sometimes, when he’s having a bit too much fun, he’ll get all mushy and gross. not that he already isn’t, but it somehow gets worse.

he’ll bite too. not enough to make you bleed, but enough to leave an angry mark for the next few days.

actually, he just nips you all the time. it’s a weird thing he does. don’t point fingers in his face. he’ll try eating them. he’s very strange in that way. sometimes you can be gesturing at nothing while you talk, and if your fingers get too close to his face, he’s trying to nip at them like a teething puppy. you got used to it.

great tongue too. bonus points because it’s actually real. he works his magic with it, but only after you beg enough. you gotta work to get your hands on the merchandise. his mechanics are expensive, so play nice.

if we’re getting into unserious business, the robocock is great fun. it’s got smooth ridges and it’s cold. probably customisable, too. it’s definitely possible, but whether he’s gonna wander up to some poor mechanic and ask them to add some special features… well.

either way, your pleasure is always his priority. his hobbies consist of biting every single exposed expanse of your skin and exploring new ways to make you squirm.

it’s bad enough you having to deal with this lump of steel and scrap—frankly, he doesn’t even understand what’s so appealing about it—but if you enjoy bouncing on his lap, go ahead. do it all night for all he cares. as long as you have that pretty dizzy smile on your face by the end of it all. it makes him melt into a puddle of liquid metal knowing how good he makes you feel.

he’s also VERY susceptible to puppy eyes. they’re your greatest asset, and his biggest weakness.

you figured that out after you pleaded with him to put on these clothes you bought him (and, yep. these clothes have just as many cut outs as his usual attire). you can also use them if you want to do his hair. please convince him to wear it in a high ponytail more. he has such a nice face, and it also stops his neck from overheating. those poor fans need a vacation.

it takes some convincing, especially when you show him the hair tie is actually a red sparkly ribbon. you’re going to ruin his tough guy persona. but he’ll drop anything for you, so he’ll comply. on the condition that you give him smooches afterwards. it’s also an excuse for him to indulge in how your fingers feel against his scalp.

puppy eyes, crying, begging, whatever, usually get people he’s apprehended nowhere. he doesn’t care for theatrics. not at all. a criminal is a criminal at the end of the day.

but you? aww, how can he say no to your angel eyes? wanna fuck his face? you didn’t even have to ask! just watch the teeth. and feel free to pull his hair. wanna ride him until he short circuits? sure! if you can keep up. he’s all yours.

and when you’re done, his aftercare consists of coddling and pinching your cheeks. he’ll prattle on about nothing. the subject will change to gushing over how pretty you look in his bed, to the weather tomorrow, to how he misses the taste of spaghetti. he’ll even kiss all over the marks he’s left on you. probably kicks his feet too.

he’s still so energetic it’s mind-baffling. he’s so casual about it too, acting as if he didn’t beg for you to cum on his face just ten minutes ago.

but that’s robot stamina for you. or maybe it’s just a boothill thing. who knows?

after a while he’ll calm down. i still haven't decided if he can sleep, but once you’ve fallen asleep, he’ll lay next to you and draw patterns on the nape of your neck with his fingers.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Too big to care

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in BOSTON with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then PROVIDENCE (Apr 12), and beyond!

Remember the first time you used Google search? It was like magic. After years of progressively worsening search quality from Altavista and Yahoo, Google was literally stunning, a gateway to the very best things on the internet.

Today, Google has a 90% search market-share. They got it the hard way: they cheated. Google spends tens of billions of dollars on payola in order to ensure that they are the default search engine behind every search box you encounter on every device, every service and every website:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/03/not-feeling-lucky/#fundamental-laws-of-economics

Not coincidentally, Google's search is getting progressively, monotonically worse. It is a cesspool of botshit, spam, scams, and nonsense. Important resources that I never bothered to bookmark because I could find them with a quick Google search no longer show up in the first ten screens of results:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task

Even after all that payola, Google is still absurdly profitable. They have so much money, they were able to do a $80 billion stock buyback. Just a few months later, Google fired 12,000 skilled technical workers. Essentially, Google is saying that they don't need to spend money on quality, because we're all locked into using Google search. It's cheaper to buy the default search box everywhere in the world than it is to make a product that is so good that even if we tried another search engine, we'd still prefer Google.

This is enshittification. Google is shifting value away from end users (searchers) and business customers (advertisers, publishers and merchants) to itself:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/05/the-map-is-not-the-territory/#apor-locksmith

And here's the thing: there are search engines out there that are so good that if you just try them, you'll get that same feeling you got the first time you tried Google.

When I was in Tucson last month on my book-tour for my new novel The Bezzle, I crashed with my pals Patrick and Teresa Nielsen Hayden. I've know them since I was a teenager (Patrick is my editor).

We were sitting in his living room on our laptops – just like old times! – and Patrick asked me if I'd tried Kagi, a new search-engine.

Teresa chimed in, extolling the advanced search features, the "lenses" that surfaced specific kinds of resources on the web.

I hadn't even heard of Kagi, but the Nielsen Haydens are among the most effective researchers I know – both in their professional editorial lives and in their many obsessive hobbies. If it was good enough for them…

I tried it. It was magic.

No, seriously. All those things Google couldn't find anymore? Top of the search pile. Queries that generated pages of spam in Google results? Fucking pristine on Kagi – the right answers, over and over again.

That was before I started playing with Kagi's lenses and other bells and whistles, which elevated the search experience from "magic" to sorcerous.

The catch is that Kagi costs money – after 100 queries, they want you to cough up $10/month ($14 for a couple or $20 for a family with up to six accounts, and some kid-specific features):

https://kagi.com/settings?p=billing_plan&plan=family

I immediately bought a family plan. I've been using it for a month. I've basically stopped using Google search altogether.

Kagi just let me get a lot more done, and I assumed that they were some kind of wildly capitalized startup that was running their own crawl and and their own data-centers. But this morning, I read Jason Koebler's 404 Media report on his own experiences using it:

https://www.404media.co/friendship-ended-with-google-now-kagi-is-my-best-friend/

Koebler's piece contained a key detail that I'd somehow missed:

When you search on Kagi, the service makes a series of “anonymized API calls to traditional search indexes like Google, Yandex, Mojeek, and Brave,” as well as a handful of other specialized search engines, Wikimedia Commons, Flickr, etc. Kagi then combines this with its own web index and news index (for news searches) to build the results pages that you see. So, essentially, you are getting some mix of Google search results combined with results from other indexes.

In other words: Kagi is a heavily customized, anonymized front-end to Google.

The implications of this are stunning. It means that Google's enshittified search-results are a choice. Those ad-strewn, sub-Altavista, spam-drowned search pages are a feature, not a bug. Google prefers those results to Kagi, because Google makes more money out of shit than they would out of delivering a good product:

https://www.theverge.com/2024/4/2/24117976/best-printer-2024-home-use-office-use-labels-school-homework

No wonder Google spends a whole-ass Twitter every year to make sure you never try a rival search engine. Bottom line: they ran the numbers and figured out their most profitable course of action is to enshittify their flagship product and bribe their "competitors" like Apple and Samsung so that you never try another search engine and have another one of those magic moments that sent all those Jeeves-askin' Yahooers to Google a quarter-century ago.

One of my favorite TV comedy bits is Lily Tomlin as Ernestine the AT&T operator; Tomlin would do these pitches for the Bell System and end every ad with "We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company":

https://snltranscripts.jt.org/76/76aphonecompany.phtml

Speaking of TV comedy: this week saw FTC chair Lina Khan appear on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It was amazing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaDTiWaYfcM

The coverage of Khan's appearance has focused on Stewart's revelation that when he was doing a show on Apple TV, the company prohibited him from interviewing her (presumably because of her hostility to tech monopolies):

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/apple-got-caught-censoring-its-own

But for me, the big moment came when Khan described tech monopolists as "too big to care."

What a phrase!

Since the subprime crisis, we're all familiar with businesses being "too big to fail" and "too big to jail." But "too big to care?" Oof, that got me right in the feels.

Because that's what it feels like to use enshittified Google. That's what it feels like to discover that Kagi – the good search engine – is mostly Google with the weights adjusted to serve users, not shareholders.

Google used to care. They cared because they were worried about competitors and regulators. They cared because their workers made them care:

https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2019/4/4/18295933/google-cancels-ai-ethics-board

Google doesn't care anymore. They don't have to. They're the search company.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/04/teach-me-how-to-shruggie/#kagi

[modmad]

Hey Mod, I don't know what's going on that hurt you, I feel like I missed something that's happened, but I can tell from what I did see that it didn't just hurt you, but scared you and made you feel a Lot of doubt. I've also seen a lot of messages pouring in with support, and I want to share mine.

I have hypermobile type EDS, fibromyalgia, and a whole bucket's worth of faulty wiring in my brain. And I've always had stories to tell but I never felt I was good enough to share them. If it's because I can't focus enough to get through nanowrimo, or because I can't manage the focus and time towards drawing as a hobby, or the fact that an excessive amount of either for me leads to my hands wanting to shut down. But you? You *inspire* me. Your stories, all the ones I've seen, read, experienced in some way or another, they're so good. And you're open and honest with your fans about your own health, and of course, we support you and always would rather you rest and feel as best you can, instead of pushing out something and working yourself too hard. But all of this is to say that. I think I would have given up on my own stories if I hadn't found you and yours.

I hope whatever is going on sorts itself out, I hope you're able to keep telling your stories. At your own pace, in your own way. I think you deserve to be happy. If there's anything we (your fans, especially those of us too awkward to come off anon, whoops,) can do, to help in some way? Even if it's silly videos or cute cat pictures or whatever it is that could just help you smile. We're here. We love you.

woof. I woke up to so many messages I can't even read them all in one go I'm getting too emotional- I do feel I owe an explanation so I'll explain what happened under the cut but all you guys need to know is I'm okay, I got through it, I love you, and you're so important to me and I'm so grateful for all the messages that have asked me to stay.

tw for suicidal thoughts and all that

yeah so I have the bad morning of all mornings: was introduced to the fact there's this one character (Mr Puzzles) on a very popular youtube that. resembles RGB. incredibly strongly. like. I don't want to link to it just look if you want to. Anyway at the time I thought it had just dropped (seems to have been around for 6 months actually), and having commented on it I immediately got an inbox full of hate mail.

My website, meanwhile, had locked both me and my web designer out of it, and- already in a bad state of mind- I went into full on panic/paranoid spiral of 'they have hacked it, and they are going to delete any proof that I was here before them.' This of course wasn't true, and we have since recalimed control of the site (don't know what happened there but hey. it's fine???? haha. ha.)

On top of this my father has terminal cancer of the pancreas, which is horrible for everyone already but it means that- at some point this year- I am going to be the only person with an active income in my house. I am disabled, do not make a lot of money, and the cost of living is skyrocketing. Combine that with months of Despair at the world right now, with the multiple wars, genocide, corruption and AI and the loss of control any of us have over our IP or lives and I just decided it was time to end it all.

I somehow remembered this was a bad idea to act on immediately (hard during a period of entirely irrational thought) and instead went for a very long walk, crossed the bridge I could have jumped off and during that I came out of the worst of it. I then came back home to so much love online I felt deeply ashamed for ever contemplating it, and I cried a lot. My nose is still puffy and now my feet hurt! lmao

Anyway. Yeah. There's your context. I am not going to stop hoping, making, or living. I am prone to moments of weakness and this was one of the worst of them and I am still here, thanks in a large part to all of you. I might need you in the future to defend me against this, or people who take our ideas, but I hope you know that I will do the same for you. We need each other, and to be there for you I need to be here at all.

also fuck Mr Puzzles

[ant0nsfirstluv]

Riize Romantic Headcanons (2)

A/N: part twooo of my last posts + expanding on certain headcanons ♾️

Warnings: None

More under the cut

Shotaro:

lovesss to hype you, if you ever posted on insta he’d comment so much, repost it on his personal story, text you about how pretty you looked

he’d shamelessly compliment you so often, literally he’d see you for the first time in the day and would just shower you in so much praise and affection

always. taking. photos of you just for him to look at while he’s away or just because you look so goodt

Sends you video clips of him dancing and gets all smiley when you compliment him even though he knowsss he did good

holds you on his back especially if you two have been walking for a while and want to take a break

aggressively supportive !!! literally cheers you on no matter what interest or hobby you decide to take on

Thanks you allll the time and gives you a small kiss each time he does, you could literally just hand him a tissue and he’d be “thank youu 😙”

The least conflicts could ever happen with him tbsh, even if there was a disagreement between you two he’s level headed enough to where you two will somehow someway find a solution

Eunseok:

doesn’t have a specific nickname for you because he’ll just call you his “little [insert random thing]” or “my [insert random thing]

I like to think he’d call you his flower but that’s just me 🌚 leave it up to your imagination

messes with your hair often, sometimes he’ll literally just wordlessly play with it until you snap him back into reality

verrry sudden compliments, out of nowhere he’ll drop the most sweet blush inducing compliment ever and then go back to being stone or messing with you 😭

randomly appears at your house without saying anything, you’d literally be walking around your home and he would just walk in like “hey 🙋”

you two will be in the same place and he’ll still text/facetime you instead of just walking to where you are to tell/show you what he needs to say

he loves staying in with you even if you two do practically nothing he’d be fine with you on his lap while watching tv and snacking

protective but in a very calm sense. helps you avoid things he knows you’re particularly uncomfy with or just borderline keeps you out of harms way by being right by you

Sungchan:

has soft launched you two like 5 million times everybody knows you two are together atp he is NOT slick bro 😭

as I said in the last post he loves kissing your face and I feel like he’d wake you up by giving you some kisses on your cheek while whispering your name

eating together is a must he will literally just text and ask to eat together at your fave restaurant just because and let’s you order wtv you want

has his hands on you in someee type of way literally he finds a way or reason to touch you no matter what he just can’t keep his hands to himself ☹️

would buy matching or similar gym wear for you two if you ever do or want to come to the gym with him, ugh the matching sets would be SO CUTE

will literally have you sit on his back while he does push-ups or see how many times he can squat while holding you

alwaysss reminiscing about moments between you two throughout the relationship the amount of cute convos that happened because of him starting with “babe do you remember when…”

loves being praised by you like your compliments literally make his whole entire day PLEASE DO ! send him sweet motivational goodmorning texts

Wonbin:

let’s keep it real for a moment…he would most definitely call you his pretty girl

has his moments of just staring/adoring you, whether you two are on opposite sides of the room or if he’s right by you while you’re doing something

if you guys don’t know, wonbin has mentioned that he has a habit of doing things 7 times in a row, so ofc in my mind,, he probably kisses you 7 times before you leave his place :( or before you gts

there’s been so many times where he’d be hanging out with the members and will just DISAPPEAR as soon as you ask to hang out, the members will ask where he went and he’s already at your house 😭

if someone made you even slightly visibly uncomfortable or upset he would glare at them until they went/looked away

if a girl tried getting his number or something he’d probably blankly look at them for a good…3 seconds and then just “no 🫤”

no matter where you’re laying down he’ll curl up right next to you or on top of you and he lovesss taking a nap with you

absolutely geeks when you two accidentally match or wear similar outfits he will find out what you’re gonna wear just so he can secretly wear the same thing 🌚

would paint a nail with your initial 🌚 but would get sooo shy when anybody outside of the members asked what the letter meant LOL

Seunghan:

you could be wearing… a plastic bag…and he’ll still be like “you’re so beautiful” like man hello

touching your face is a habit of his, he’ll literally be smiling down at you while stroking your cheek and jawline with his thumb and pointer

whenever you sit on his lap while he’s gaming whenever he has a free hand he’ll take advantage of it to stroke your back or squish your face for a kiss

loves to hear your voice..will call you literally just to hear it you don’t even have to be directly talking to him as long as he can hear you

you’ll be sitting down with the members and he’ll get a tiny bit jealous once you laugh at eunseoks joke a little too hard and he’ll run by, pick you up and run off with you

helps you with your hair whenever you’re struggling with it, as long as you guide him and give him instructions he’ll try his best !!!

I’m sorry but if you ever were irritated or grumpy and accidentally let it slip while with him he’d grab your face and kiss you to shush you 😭

he eats up whenever you’re shy he relishes in it so much he can’t help but want to watch you look away because you can’t keep eye contact

wouldn’t let you be insecure in the slightest you could literally have just woken up lips dry face puffy and he’ll still make you feel so pretty

Sohee:

likes to cuddle with him laying back and you on top of him resting your head in the crook of his neck while he draws patters into your back :(

whenever he tells you goodmorning he always gives you a hug with a good squeeeeze and a quick kiss on your nose or cheek

trust he likes to be babied and spoiled but sometimes he wants to be the gentleman for you too like let him take care of you and nurture you okayyy 💔

sohee’s cute demeanor can make him seem like he’d be shy which could be the case but I can see him being bold or more straightforward when it comes to his affections towards you

like he’ll ask YOU out, he’ll ask if he could kiss you for the first time, he’ll hug you, hold your hand, and ask you on a date first

gloats about you to everyone, the members included, as soon as you post yourself on your story he’s quick to say “ugh my gf is so pretty guys look look look” while mushing his phone in their faces

he is soooo sweet and truly so lovely..but sometimes…you will be a victim of the sassy man apocalypse while you’re with him I’m sorry LMFAOO

like if you forgot to text him before you got back home or if you fell asleep forgetting to call him before you did he’d be so quick to text you “I see how it is 🙄”

or he’d avoid kissing you but as soon as you give up trying to kiss him he’d be SO quick to switch up wanting a kiss IMMEDIATELY begging you for one

Anton:

he would most definitely see cute pics of two animals like some ducks or rabbits snuggling together and will text it to you and be like “us”

hugs from behinddd allll the timeeee even if you two are just standing there he’ll hold onto you from behind and rest his head on your shoulder

pretends to bite you, especially on your shoulder but if he ever did accidentally actually bite you he’d make it up by putting a small peck wherever he did it

kisses your hand and down your forearm because he just likes to tbsh

has you do the most foolish tiktoks with him and yes you guys will have like 300 drafts and yes he makes you two do like 12 takes 😭😭

particular compliments, will call you gorgeous overall but has moments where he tells you a certain color makes you look radiant or when your hair looks extra good

spoils you to oblivion, you have a wishlist frm your fave clothing brand you say 🤔 BOUGHT, he sees some cute matching couple necklaces..SOLD ! you lost your favorite makeup brushes ? HERES SOME NEW ONES !

whenever he flirts and starts getting bold he’ll fold so quick like he’ll build up his courage to be super straight forward but will literally crumble and be a tad bit embarrassed later especially if you repeat what he said LMFAOO

[5h30min]

Irreplaceable.

𓉸ྀི Summary: Keeping you away from Satoru wasn't enough, his fiancée wants you out of the family, but she doesn't know what you're capable of doing to keep your loved ones close.

𓉸ྀི Featuring: Satoru Gojo x Yandere!best friend!fem!reader.

𓉸ྀི Warnings: GORE, Yandere themes, blood, violence, manipulation, stalking, gaslighting, angst, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of masturbation, a little (almost no) comfort at the end, no happy ending.

𓉸ྀི Notes: I wrote this in a moment of deep anguish and despair (and jealousy), I've been feeling sad lately, so there will be many more stories like this, and even a smut version of this one. I hope you enjoy reading it and have a lovely day. :)

A drop drips into the pool of blood under your feet, the wet sound startles you, your eyes move from side to side, your body is on alert. You rub your bloodstained hands on your T-shirt, no matter what you do, how hard you rub, your hands remain dirty. You walk around wondering what you're going to do with that body lying on the ground, but what worries you most is what Satoru will do when he finds out what you've done, after all, the body belongs to his fiancée.

A few hours ago she arranged to meet you in a hurry, you had no idea what she wanted to talk about so urgently, nor why the meeting place was so far out of town, but you went anyway. There was nothing to be afraid of, she was the woman your best friend chose to be by his side, you never misjudged his choices, she seemed like a good person, but she was the woman who took your place.

You arrived before her, the appointed place was an abandoned hotel by the side of the road, if you were a murderer you would surely lure your victims here, you smiled and covered your face, what the hell were you thinking? Satoru's fiancée arrived by taxi a short time later, she apologised for being late and guided you inside the hotel, the place was falling apart, there was moss and a lot of dust scattered around, the vegetation was taking over inside, it looked like a post apocalyptic scenario, but nothing scary.

"We need to have a serious conversation, woman to woman, Y/N." Her voice was rough, at this point you had your back to her and looked over your shoulder, she seemed very nervous, her fists were clenched so tightly that her knuckles were white.

"What do you want with me?" You spun on your heels and arched an eyebrow.

"Oh dear, don't play dumb." She took a step forward and you took half a step back, leaning on your back leg to put yourself in a defensive position in case she wanted to hit you, but it made her laugh. "Do you really think I'd get my hands dirty with you?"

"..." you frowned and sighed. "Look, unlike you, I have a job, two kids and a cat, I'm very busy, you know? So if you're going to bore me, I'm going to leave you alone." You started to walk towards the exit, but she grabbed your arm.

"I know all too well how busy you've been lately." She whispered in your ear, you felt she was too close, so you pulled your arm away and stepped back. "Do you think I don't know about your secret hobby?" She took an envelope out of her handbag and handed it to you. "Come on, open it, I'd love you to explain it to me."

You felt an unpleasant shiver as you took the envelope from her hand. You opened it and inside the envelope there were lots of photos, your heart stopped, they were photos of you stalking Satoru and her. You were always very careful during your stalking time, enough not to attract Satoru's attention, but somehow that woman had noticed. Her face hardened and her expression turned sombre, you had been caught.

"It seems you have nothing to say to me, where's your courage now?" She mocked you. "I'd love to show it to Satoru, but he already knows." You stared into her eyes in shock. "Have you forgotten who he is? Those eyes aren't called six eyes for nothing. He didn't want to believe it, but I showed him everything."

You choked.

"It would be better if you stepped back, Y/N." Satoru's fiancée decreased the distance between you again without you realising, she grabbed your chin and made you look into her eyes. "Satoru doesn't need you and your protection, your children don't need you anymore, even your cat doesn't need you anymore, because I'm going to marry him and take your place." She tightened her grip on your face. "I'm going to be the mother of your children now, you don't need to keep them any longer."

"Shut up..." you grabbed her wrist.

"I'm not finished." She raised her voice. "In fact, you can take your children away, since soon Satoru and I will have one." She smiled from ear to ear and placed her free hand on her belly, a tear trickling from the corner of your eye. "Oh, honey, don't make that face, we know you could never give him a child. After all, you've always just been friends."

Something inside you broke as you stared at her. You knew you'd never be anything but a shadow to Satoru, he could consider you his best friend, but you know you're not worthy of that position, because there was someone else occupying it. When he adopted Toji's children, you offered to help him, so when he announced to everyone that you would be the mother of those children, it filled you with hope, you would have a place by his side that no one could take, you didn't imagine that even that would be taken away from you.

You looked after Megumi and Tsumiki as if they were your blood children, Satoru was your companion, every meal you would eat together like a real family. You went to the children's school reunions with him, you went to graduations, you helped with homework, you even bought a bigger house to live in with the children, you made it your business to keep that family together.

But one day he introduced you to a girl, that's when you realised how insignificant your position as mother to his children was, you congratulated him on having found someone to be by his side, you even pretended to be happy for them, but the hole inside your heart grew again.

You remember fighting with your children when they refused to accept their father's new girlfriend, how upset Megumi was when Satoru took your place at the school's Mother's Day party, how sad your daughter looked when her father's girlfriend started giving her opinions on the clothes she wore. You tried to fit her into the family, but like an extra piece in a jigsaw puzzle, she remained out of place.

It was then that Satoru asked you to stop living in the house you had bought, because it was strange for him now that he was engaged to sleep in the same house as another woman. Reluctantly, you agreed to his request, and the children suffered from your absence, but you still picked them up to spend the weekend at your new home. His girlfriend gradually took your place, pushing you out of the family you had built.

You continued your life as before, but a dark desire for possession began to grow inside you, insidious feelings that you didn't know how to deal with. At first it started with a walk to your old house, you watched your children and Satoru eat, watch TV, play video games and even sleep, but you weren't satisfied with that, so you started following them on dates, trips, to school, to work. It was the way you found to be close to them.

At work, you started avoiding Satoru, ashamed of your double life, but for some reason he came after you several times, apologised for telling you to leave, told you that you didn't have to stay away because you were still his best friend and the mother of his children. But as always, that woman was there to get in the way. Every time he offered to walk you home, she wanted to go along, every time the children asked Satoru to go out with you and them, she followed, you couldn't be alone any more, not even at work, because she decided she had to bring him his lunch every day.

At your last meeting with Satoru, he handed you the wedding invitation, he looked tired and a little nervous, but you didn't say anything, afraid that that woman would turn up if you said too much. He held your hand and said he hoped you would come to the wedding, unfortunately it would be too painful for you to see him marry her, so you told him you were sorry and that maybe you wouldn't be there for him this time. You saw the disappointment in his eyes, but you had to take care of your broke heart. You said goodbye with a tight hug, it was the first and last time he hugged you since he started dating, you left without saying anything and he stayed behind in your living room in silence.

"I told you to let me go!" You pushed his fiancée, your heart was beating too fast, all those memories going through your head like a whirlwind, months of pent-up anger and sadness building up, you were on the edge, about to lose control, but she didn't want to stop. "Go away."

"I'M NOT LET YOU GO!" She grabbed you by the shoulders and shook you. "I'm going to expose to everyone how despicable and disgusting you are, that mask of your beloved mother and perfect best friend is going to fall off, there won't be anyone left of your-."

You slapped her in the middle of the sentence, she opened her mouth to speak, but you slapped her again, and then again, again, again, until the skin on her face cut, you only saw red after that. She took her mobile phone out of her bag to call someone, but you grabbed her hand and broke her wrist, she screamed in pain, her screams were a comfort for the months of pent-up anger.

You grabbed her by the hair and dragged her deeper into the hotel, so you wouldn't risk being interrupted if anyone heard her desperate screams. You threw her against the wall and grabbed a piece of wood that was hanging from the ceiling, then hit her on the head several times, each blow harder than the last. You didn't stop until her face turned into a ball of blood.

You split the breaking piece of wood with your knee and chose the side with the sharpest edge, then turned her body over, you knelt beside her, you didn't know if she was alive or dead, but you still said. "If I can't have a child with him, neither can you." You drove the wooden stake as deep into her abdomen as you could and pulled down, tearing the skin, you put your hand inside her body, then pulled the viscera out one by one, in search of her uterus.

When you finally found it, you squeezed the little organ until it burst in your hand, pieces of flesh oozed out between your fingers, you slapped the rest of the flesh on the floor and stepped on it. You looked at the mutilated corpse with a satisfied smile, your heart began to beat slowly, as if you had just found peace.

Your mind completely erased the bloody scenes from your conscious self. When you woke up from your trance, Satoru's fiancée was already dead under your feet, your hands were smeared with blood, your clothes and shoes too, but not as much as your hands, there were pieces of human flesh on your fingernails. You were scared, you never imagined you'd be able to lose control like that, you tried to blame her for pushing you to the limit, but you knew it would happen, you just didn't know it would be so soon.

Satoru arrived on the scene not long before you lost control, he was worried when he found out that his fiancée had arranged to meet someone in a remote location, but when he heard your voice, he was reassured, but not for long, by the time his fiancée's screams reached his ears it was too late. You turned into a monster in a few seconds, he was paralysed as he watched you beat and tear her body apart.

He didn't know this side of you, you were so kind and loving, always looking after the children and him, you were so understanding that you didn't get upset when he asked you to leave. You were his best friend for as long as he can remember, when his parents died you were the person he leaned on, when the problems at school started you helped him get out of the deep end, you even adopted his children. You made his favourite food whenever he was unwell or in the mood, you waited for him to come home even if it was late, you put the covers on him when he slept on the sofa, you gave him baths when he was too depressed to get out of bed, you were his solace many nights. This monster in front of him was nothing like his lovable Y/N.

He watched you suddenly return to "normal" and how scared you were. He heard you mutter how upset he would be when he found out what you had done, you looked so strange...

You realised that you were no longer alone, your heart began to beat more slowly, you began to make calculated movements, moving around as if you were looking for something to clean up the evidence, but the truth was that you were looking for the spectator. You picked up another piece of wood and were about to surprise the intruder, that's when he grabbed the object and held it tightly, you looked up in surprise, it was Satoru.

"Gojo?!" You dropped the piece of wood and used your hands to cover your mouth.

"Are you going to kill me too?" He looked disappointed, ashamed of what you had done, he let go of the piece of wood and you lowered your head. "Y/N, what have you done?"

"I... I don't know." You lied, you know that his fiancée's provocations pushed you over the edge, but nothing you say will be able to justify the crime you committed. You kept your head down and continued talking, your right hand clutching his hand. "You don't have to forgive me, you can hand me over to the authorities if you want, just please don't leave me again."

Your response was a shock to him, you were giving yourself away, you didn't even try to justify what you'd done, it hurt deep down in his heart.

He was your best friend, no matter who you killed, he couldn't let you be arrested and tried and possibly killed, you were the most important person in his life, his children wouldn't forgive him if he let you be killed for killing his fiancée. It was then that he realised that those thoughts going through his head weren't him, you were inducing him to think that way.

There was a dark secret about you, one that you don't know, but Satoru does. You can influence people with your words, although it's a useless power against curses, with people you have an advantage. He realised this the moment you had your first fight when you were young, he couldn't get upset with you, and a few hours later he was apologising. But manipulation has a side effect: addiction. Despite having built up a certain resistance by constantly exposing himself to your power, he can't avoid those thoughts most of the time, which is why he's never been able to let you go.

This intensified when he asked you to move house and the children began to experience withdrawal symptoms, he himself began to feel the effects and it affected his relationship with his fiancée, several nights he woke up screaming your name, a few times he was caught masturbating to photos of you, his fiancée became increasingly angry, to the point of preventing him from seeing you. But when Satoru started looking for you at work, she came up with a plan.

She told him about you and your walks to their house, showed him the evidence, but he didn't say anything, after all he knew you followed him and the children, but you were an overprotective mum and friend, it was no big deal. Satoru told her he wouldn't find you again, but when she discovered that he had found you in his office during working hours, she decided to go after you on her own. He believed that you would manipulate her too, to remain part of the family, but instead you killed her.

He unconsciously pulls you into an embrace, the barrier that protects him is now covering you too, he puts a hand on your head and curls a few strands of hair in his fingers, playing with them. He kisses the top of your head and whispers that it's going to be okay, he knows it's not going to be okay, not as long as you manipulate him. But for now it doesn't matter, because people who have died can't be resurrected, so all he can do is promise that it won't happen again.

"I swear, Y/N. I'll never make you suffer again." Satoru said softly, increasing the tightness of the hug. "I'll take care of it, okay? No one needs to know what happened here."

You hold him tightly, tears flow from your eyes without stopping, he's still your best friend, your feeling of inferiority increases, he could forgive anything you did and you weren't even able to deal with his fiancée's silly threats, you feel so small and unworthy.

"Satoru..."

"Yes?" He replies, looking at you.

"Your fiancée said she was pregnant." You say hesitantly, but with your eyes on his face, analysing his expressions. For some reason he looks confused, and that makes you anxious. "She told me I could take the children away because she would have your child."

"If she were pregnant, I'd be the first to know." Satoru knew it was just a lie from his fiancée, but he still felt strange, your motives for murdering his fiancée seemed darker and darker. He only felt reassured when his expression relaxed. "No need to worry, Y/N, I don't want any more children, Megumi and Tsumiki are enough for me."

"Yes, you're right, you never asked me to have children." You don't seem satisfied, so you hold his hands, a dark desire blossoming in your heart. "But it would be nice if we had one." You feel him shudder as you use your thumbs to caress his hands, you look at him with dilated pupils, and he can't look away, his cheeks are red, but you don't know why. "Let's talk about it later, when we get home."

[eveningepiphany]

welcome to the final show | H.S, part 3

my masterlist!

part one and part two!

summary: harry goes over to y/ns hotel for a good old room service dinner, also getting a little tipsy on wine, while starting to blur some lines. and it’s not long before things are no longer just between the two of them.

warnings: fluff, swearing, alcohol, getting a lil wine drunk, paparazzi, being confused on if you’re falling in love or just really good friends.

a/n: i’m so excited to finally have this written for you all! i’ve had some pretty bad writers block, hence the delay in getting it to you, but thank you so much again for your support and I hope you enjoy <3

———

There’s a certain type of attatchment that comes around once and a while. It’s rare.

It’s when things start to flourish. Maybe with a hobby, a passion, or a new found person. One your brain decides to put all its focus and interest on, to the point it’s all consuming.

This one gets stuck to you like glue. Hard to shake in the sense of no matter how hard you try to ignore it, it’s all you can think about.

Losing yourself in daydreams of something or someone without even realising, until you’re reaching for anything that will bring you closer to filling that need.

That’s exactly what’s leading you to be reaching for your phone at any given point of the day.

You imagine many perceive it to be a permanent growth on your person. But you can hardly help it. Texting is a simple way to reach someone. Feel connected.

So, safe to say you’ve messaged Harry more than your own family over the course of this trip.

You’ve become attached. To Harry Styles. Again…?

Of course, being a huge fan it’s easy to say you should probably already be accustomed to this, given your level of obsession.

But this is a whole other ball game. One that is becoming like an internal battle. Your already unhealthy and predisposed infatuation paired with now a real physical connection is enough to render you useless.

You reach for your phone. Text him, your brain begs. You consider. No, stop being clingy you loser, your brain rolls her metaphorical eyes. You place the phone down. Stare at a wall. Think about him. Rinse, repeat.

Not normal, you don’t think.

However, you search for some kind of justification. That you’re just good friends, and all that shit. It’s normal to miss someone you’re friends with.

If he considers you as that.

Which you would hope since you’ve been texting him enough it would be concerning if he saw you as just some mutual of his.

You’re also sitting in a cafe, unfortunately without him right now. Eating a croissant wishing that he were here. Allowing your gaze to linger on the chair across from yourself, imagining his solid frame filling up the empty space. What he would do if you stood up and ran a hand through his hair, maybe lent down a little so you could just—

The ring of the bell atop their entrance chimes and drags you out if your dangerous and spiralling thoughts. And for some reason get excited like you’ve somehow manifested this man to walk through the cafe door by thinking of him.

Feeling silly at the nag of disappointment in your stomach as you see an ordinary bloke saunter over to the till.

Maybe one you would check out, or emit some kind of interest in before you properly met Harry. You would feel disloyal now. Like the parasocial relationship has entered an entirely new level of psychotic.

If it’s still parasocial, that is. Or if now you’re just simply a girl with very cloudy and mixed feelings about a very beautiful man.

You audibly sigh out. Eating the final bite of your admittedly delicious croissant and picking up your phone.

You type out a message, sending it before you can even think it.

I’m in a cafe right now without you and you’ve honestly ruined them for me. I miss you and your free cups of tea.

Without me? Rude.

You laugh at his quip, watching as the little bubble pops back up indicating he’s typing.

I’m out right now, but if you’re not busy later we can do something? Go out or I can come over to yours.

You pluck mindlessly at your bottom lip with your teeth, how could you say no to that?

You stress over it either way.

well, you’re very welcome to come over to my hotel room. we can order room service if you want?

To this he texts back an agreement, seemingly keen. And you realise immediately you have to tidy your room before he comes over.

You swing him the location of where you’re staying, including your room and floor number.

Thank you love, ill be there in like 3 hours say? If that works for you.

At that, you stand, because who are you if not over-prepared. And it was time to go make sure your room didn’t like a war had been waged in it when he came over for the first time.

Cant be having a bad impression, you figured.

———

You did in fact rush back to your hotel complex. Not even stopping a crepe stall you passed by, which had to be a first for you. You clean the place until it appears well-kept at the least.

And once you’re finished, you easily fall back into overthinking the whole thing. So excited, yet getting those anxious jitters like a caffeine addict 12 hours no coffee.

Which is why you decide to busy yourself with an afternoon shower. And at the time you’d still had over an hour to go.

You take of course longer than you intended, and shortly after you come out there’s a knock at your door, easily making you jump as you tug a shirt over your head. Regretting the last minute decision for a shower since now you have wet hair and probably look like a right mess.

But it’s not like you can leave him out there while you go blow dry your hair, so you rush over to the door, and tug it open.

His brows shoot up, and a smile slowly blooms on his face as he takes in your appearance.

Your hair is still near dripping, and you stand in bike shorts and a loose tshirt. The most casual he’s ever seen you. Which he loved the look on you more than he admits to himself.

“Hi darling,” he smirks, a warm feeling settling over him as he keeps his eyes on you.

“Hey, Harry.” You stand for a few moments longer, finally shuflling out of his way to let him through the door. He is adorning a white shirt and has the cutest little bandana around his neck.

“I’m sorry,” You laugh, gesturing him inside, “I was drastically overestimating how long it would take me to shower… hence why im in this state.”

He pulls a hand from behind his back, a cup being presented to you.

“Don’t be silly, y’not in a state at all.”

“You’re joking—“ You gently take the cup from his ringed hands, “Harry!”

“M’sorry, m’sorry. I saw a coffee van on the way and I couldn’t help myself.”

“Did you get one for you?”

“No, but I did have a little sip of yours.” He confesses with a quiet laugh. But he quickly busies himself with your room, padding around and peeking out the balcony window.

You take a sip, watching him examine your space. Grateful you cleaned it.

He asks you a few questions about random things in your room, and you settle yourself on the foot of your bed, cross-legged.

You didn’t really think about the lack of seating in your one man room. But this hardly bothers Harry, since he’s scoped up the room service menu from wherever he found it, and sat next to you.

“Alright… what d’we have.” He talks to himself, opening up the menu and scanning over the foods.

You discuss the options, settling on a pizza and pasta to share, because, well, you’re in Italy.

The night progresses easily as time always seems to do when you’re together, and you fake fight over the best kind of pasta sauce. But he lets you have to last slice of pizza so peace is made shortly after.

“Should we order a wine or something? T’wash the pasta down.” He suggests as the sun begins setting.

“Why not, I won’t say no to some wine.”

That gets ordered to your door, and you go from the foot of the bed to lazing at the head of it. Sipping on wine and recounting old stories, or discussing stupid topics.

“Do you think the chicken or the egg came first?” You swirl your glass around, eyes shifting to look at his side profile as he gazes at your roof.

His cute nose outlined by the warm light off the lamp, which you flicked on in the corner after it got dark.

He bursts out into a laugh, “what kind of question is that?”

“I feel like it indicates the sort of person someone is.” You shrug, smiling.

“What like it gives you an intel on my personality?”

“Something like that.” You nod, “and decides if we have to stop being friends, if you answer the wrong one.”

He grins, “Well, maybe tell me which one to pick so we don’t have to do that.”

“Awh, so you don’t want to stop being friends?” You coo, still staring at him, watching as his eyes flick from the roof over to you.

“Of course not, who else am I meant to go on cafe dates with.” He laughs.

You’re both teetering on the edge of being tipsy, and it’s evident in the way you’re both talking to one another. Borderline flirting, probably a more fitting way to describe it.

“True, because I’d be very hard to replace.” You snort with sarcasm, taking the another sip of wine.

“You would be! I love our little dates.” He smiles, the second time he’s dropped the word date in the last minute.

You’ve scooted closer to one another somehow. Shoulder to shoulder as you steal glances of his beautiful face. Maybe this was subconscious, or on purpose. But you’re drawn to him like a magnet.

“So do I…” You flush.

“I’m a little tipsy.” You clarify, breaking the searing eye contact and looking at the near-empty glass in your hand. A fourth refill would easily tip you over the edge.

He lets out a quiet laugh, “Wine gone to y’head too?”

“Mhm, and I have a track record of poor decision making when I have too much of it.” You recall the plenty of times you did the stupidest shit just because you were wine drunk. Hoping that does not happen tonight.

“Might have to see it one day.”

“One day…” you agree, but you realise that you’re not really in Italy for much longer. You have about a week and a half left now.

“I… Harry,” you turn your body to face him, and he sits up a little, noticing the almost serious tone to your voice.

“I’m leaving soon.” You blurt it out, because it’s the only topic of conversation you’ve both been steering clear of. The thing neither of you want to address because eventually this won’t be easy to do. Who knows how many miles could get out between you.

And it almost hurts you to admit yourself because… where exactly does that leave you both?

Does your contact end when you leave Italy? Do you become people who occasionally text on a bi-monthly basis?

He draws a breath, “So am I.”

You let out your own tortured sigh, turning to pop your glass on the beside table and then lean your head onto his shoulder.

Your heart jumps at the contact, and somewhere in your brain, sober Y/N lets out a gasp, because she would never have the balls to do that.

So the wine maybe was a great idea…?

He wraps an arm around your back, “I go back to London after this.”

“Second week of August as well?” You pray it’s not earlier than the start of the month, since tomorrow is literally the 1st.

“Yea, the 13th.” He nods and it’s the only tiny shred of relief you’re getting from all this. That there’s still time left.

“I fly out on the 12th.” You say quietly.

But there’s a small silence that consumes you both for the first time since you met. Because you’re kind of exasperated for options right now. What do you say to someone who is going to inevitably slip from your grip.

You shake your head at nothing in particular, moving to wrap your arms around his shoulders, since words really weren’t going to cut it.

Somewhere in his muddled brain he notes this is the second time you’ve ever initiated a hug. And he leans into it, the arm he had around your back tugging you infinitely closer.

Your cheek is pressed to his neck, and you swear you feel his lips ghosting over the top of your head.

Slowly, you pull back. And he watches you with sharp green eyes. You hold that gaze, until he’s the one that breaks it. Stifling a groan with his hand, covering his face.

You look at him quizzically.

“I like this more than I probably should.” He gestures now between the two of you.

You chuckle, a tiny flutter in your stomach announcing it’s presence.

“So we’re making the most of the time left in Italy, then?” You put forward, ready to nearly wipe your schedule clean for the man.

Which, who could blame you?

“What are y’doing tomorrow?”

“Nothing, if you’re the one asking.” You laugh, and he smiles wide at your comment.

“Oh, is that so darling?”

You roll your eyes in attempt to be convincing, “of course, you always buy me tea so…”

“Well, that decides we’re going to another cafe I suppose.” His hand reaches for his phone strewn on the quilt somewhere, pulling up google maps to find some nearby cafes.

You perch your head back onto his shoulder to watch him scroll through the options. He stumbles on a beautiful looking one, less than a 10 minute walk away. He looks to see if you approve.

He peers down to where you rest on his frame, smiling unwillingly at the sight of you. Your own eyes trailing up to meet his.

And he swears they linger on his lips. Just for a fraction of a second.

“Mh, what d’ya think.” He gets out, voice suddenly several octaves lower. Almost gravelly.

You almost audibly gulp at the sound of him. Hyperaware of his existence right now, you could nearly zone out thinking about the strength of his arm muscle that’s right now pressed against you.

“Yea… yea that looks amazing. And tomorrow, what time?” Your hands fiddle with themselves in your lap.

“How about 1, since you’re probably gonna wanna sleep in a bit.” He suggests, free hand pushing his curls from his eyes.

The way he knows you’re probably going to want to sleep in. God.

“I’m down.” (Bad)

A smile erupts over your face, and you almost forget that the clock is still ticking. That you only have so long left here.

Which ‘almost forgetting’ isn’t enough to stifle the urge to use it as some kind of yolo shit. Because that is unbelievably strong. Like why not just invite him to stay the night?

Maybe another glass of wine and you can gaslight yourself into cuddling him and just falling asleep. He wouldnt leave unless he had to, so it’s an almost flawless plan.

———

The plan infact, was flawless.

To say the least, he slept at yours. In your bed.

I mean you don’t really remember it, since you talked into the early hours of the morning and drank some more alcohol to really top it all off.

You woke up under the covers, still clutching onto Harrys side.

He was already awake, scrolling on his phone, seemingly unbothered by the fact your head had taken residency on his chest.

You take the initiative to glance at the time in the upper-right corner of his phone, a little shocked when it reads 11:47am.

You do groan at the morning light streaming in the windows immediately after seeing the time though.

“G’morning. D’ya have a headache?” He asks with what you can only assume is the end of his morning voice. Which although just a taste, is enough to send you spiralling.

It’s also around now you realise he’s stripped down into boxers— still clad in his white shirt. What the fuck!

You struggle to form a coherent response.

“Morning. A little.” Your voice comes out as a hum.

Somehow, considering you’re cuddling him right now and you literally just slept in the same bed all night, both of you outwardly are quite relaxed about it.

Nothing is awkward. It feels lovely.

“I want a croissant so bad.” You huff, sitting up, stomach growling like as if you hadn’t eaten in a whole 24 hours.

“So, you’re the kind of person that’s hungry immediately after they wake up?” He laughs, hand coming to push the locks of your bed hair out of your face.

Outside of the sheer domesticity of that (which makes you literally have heart palpitations), your hair is a proper train wreck.

The humidity in Italy has made it horrific.

“I guess I am right now?” You reply to his previous ask, combing your fingers through the locks.

“Jesus Christ.” You curse at its uncooperativeness.

“Y’know that episode of friends where Monica complains about how the humidity fucks her hair, she was so right.”

“I love friends.” He immediately gasps, nearly jolting upright in excitement.

You laugh at his enthusiastic reaction, noting that you have to somehow find time over the next week to watch an episode or two with him.

“And if it’s any consolation, I think your hair looks great.”

“Yea well, it’s not like you’d really be able to relate to the frizzy hair. Since yours look so perfect all the time.” You joke.

This evokes a genuine flush on his face, “Alright, Y/N, calm it down.”

He’s laughing but you swear he actually looks a little flustered. Without the wine as a confidence booster, he seemed like suddenly he didn’t know how to take a compliment.

Unbelievable to you since he probably gets that many a day from strangers on the street.

“I, am going to get up and get ready then, so we can go out and eat.” You state, excited to be seemingly spending the majority of the day with him.

He holds back the urge to beg you to stay in bed with him, and says something nonchalant as if he doesn’t mind you getting up. But when you pad off to the bathroom he stares at your now empty space. And immediately shivers at the lack of your body warmth, despite the already warm humid weather.

After a few trips in and out of the bathroom you come out looking beautiful. And he has to get himself up and ready to go in attempt to not overthink it.

You craved his closeness the whole time it took you to prepare for the day. Every few minutes you’d get this almost overpowering urge to just go out there and throw yourself back into his arms.

It’s borderline pathetic. But now you’ve had him in your bed, his strong arms coddled around you, it’s very hard to not to be just that. His physical presence is perfect and comforting. You’re attached to that as much as any other aspect of him.

He puts on his pants, which were folded neatly on his own bedside table, plucking out the car keys in his pocket, “Im gonna nick down to my rental car, because I have an extra button up in there, so I’ll wear that out.”

He comes back and changes into said white button up, stripping his worn shirt off and leaving it somewhere.

Just like that, you’re ready to go, and you both decide to walk the short way there. It was too nice a morning to not.

The whole walk you’re chatting away as usual. But it’s paired with this newfound physical aspect. The way you so obviously want to be close it hurts.

Yet somehow you both act like it’s nothing. That the brushes of hands and shoulder as you’re in step beside each other is a simple coincidence.

And that when you get breakfast, the two croissants and shared cookie is just a friendly thing. In your head you’re even playing off the touching all throughout breakfast.

Which sounds dirty— but just the little conversational touches. Like a hand reaching out to touch a forearm in laughter, acting as if it adds something important to the moment being shared.

Or that somehow when you leave the cafe, with two takeaway cups of tea, the hands that end up interlinked softly between the two of you is just…

Well… who even knows anymore?

Because you’re walking through italy beside Harry— who is talking about his favourite kind of playground equipment, regardless of if he’s a near thirty year old man— all while holding your hand.

And to take a moment, because it’s important, his hands are everything they’re talked up to be. Littered with chunky rings and calloused fingertips from the years of guitar playing. Yet contrasted by his soft palms, which cups yours with this delicateness it almost brings a tear to your eye.

You also pray that your own hand isn’t sweating profusely in his grasp, because you wouldn’t put a clammy hand past yourself. The already humid weather paired with your anxiety surrounding this whole situation is quite literally the match made in hell.

Nothing about this can be passed off as casual to your brain anymore. You’re literally about to implode.

But you strive to hide it. So you solider on.

“I’m a seesaw girl okay. Hear me out—“

“No, I can totally see that!” He interjects, and you chuckle at his quick agreement to your statement.

“Right? They are so much fun. And even though I nearly took a tooth out playing on one when I was 7, I can still recognise they are superior.”

To that he laughs and bumps his shoulder into yours, “I mean I love that. I’m probably a swing person, I feel like no matter the age I will always be down for it.”

You can agree that a swing is a solid second favourite for you. And as you talk about that point with him, you don’t realise you’ve walked the whole ‘scenic’ route back to your hotel until you turn the corner and the entrance is around the corner ahead. And the way you went usually takes an extra 20 minutes.

It went so fast.

“Are you gonna head off or… come back up with me?” You ask gingerly, the hand not interlaced with his fiddling with the fabric of your clothing.

“Not sick of m’yet?”

“Never…” You shake your head, smiling as he gleams at your answer.

“M’flattered. The feelings mutual love,” he chuckles, “However I do have to go remind my family I’m alive. But it’ll only take about a day until they’re pleased for me to ditch them.”

Gently runs his thumb over your knuckles, whether it be subconsciously or not, “So tomorrow night ill come back over to yours for dinner if you y’want?”

You smile, a little sappy over the way he’s working a plan out like you’re both teenagers, “Yea, thats perfect, and we can try something else off the menu.”

“Maybe, if you want,” he begins carefully, “after that you can come over to where we’re staying. Meet my mum and sister. They’ll love you.”

Now you’re nearly bursting at the seems, “Oh, I would love that, H!”

“Okay, it’s a plan then.” He agrees, pulling his keys from his pocket.

You bid your farewells for the night, unlinking hands and being left with a tingling sensation in it, one that you wonder if he’s also getting.

You go to your hotel room and feel full with joy.

He is all too sweet for this world. And you’re a little obsessed.

———

Although Italy being in Italy feels like being in a bubble, and like you’re so far away from the real world, it is unfortunately a purely mental one.

And there’s one thing about a headspace like that, and it’s just how quickly it can be popped.

At midnight that night a notification pops up on your phone, one that when you open, you have to physically put your phone down.

harryflorals:

what do i even caption this post because is that who i think it is or am i officially delusional? “HARRY WITH A FAN FROM THE LAST SHOW, HOLDING HANDS IN ITALY!” correct me if I’m wrong YALL idek anymore.

And this time, there’s no grain saving your ass. Because this was taken on what, quality wise, looks like a digital camera.

Which has made it so painstakingly obvious that it’s you. And you don’t even remember it being taken?

It was when you were walking back from the cafe, holding hands probably talking about fucking seesaws.

And everyone has caught on fast, because in the comments it’s an all out frenzy.

So, cats officially out of the bag.

———

y’all can expect a part four considering i lowkey left this on a cliffhanger 😝 so its on its way my loves

update: next part, PART 4!

taglist:

@harrystylesgirlie @purple9950 @teamspideyman @rociolunaa21 @spiritofbuddha @lemonhrry @deamus-liv @Iquvlly @kuntxrgraudunkelbunt @hsfanficsrecss @hsstylesrings @saturnheartz @victoriasigaard @lilfreakjez @mrsvxder @skxawngs @theekyliepage @hannah9921 @shiffpring @multifandomsw @roslastyles420 @slutforcoffein @kittenhere @stylesfever @butterfly-lover @daniizstyles @padf00ts-l0ver @sunflowervol18

+ all the anons who sent stuff to my submission box, thank you to you guys too, all my love

[jimmy-dipthong]

How long will the japanese wikipedia article for goncharov last?

And how big is the internet, really?

I was in a wikipedia hole recently and I happened to notice that the Japanese article for Goncharov is the only language variant that is completely in-character.

Every other language specifies it as “Goncharov (meme)”. Japanese lists it as “Goncharov (1973 film)”, and formats the introduction as if it were a real movie:

Goncharov is a 1973 mafia film set in Naples, Italy. Produced by Martin Scorsese, the main cast includes Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, John Cazale, Gene Hackman, Cybill Shepherd, and Harvey Keitel.

— Wikipedia (my translation)

The rest of the article does go on to acknowledge Tumblr’s influence in Goncharov’s popularity, but every mention of this influence frames it as reviving the popularity of the supposedly real film. On two occasions the word 再燃 is used (the first kanji means “again” and the second kanji means “burn” - it means “rekindle” and can be similarly used in the metaphorical and literal sense, just like the english word “rekindle”).

Goncharov became particularly popularity on social media as a result of a reblog of a Tumblr post in August 2020. The post depicted shows the title of the film (Goncharov) in place of a brand logo on a shoe, which were described as “knockoff boots”. The image post and the comment attached to the reblog, mocking the fact that the original poster had not seen the film, became an internet meme. In November 2022, a poster made by a fan of Goncharov was uploaded to the internet, and the film’s popularity resurged. Various fan-made content about the story and production began to spread on Tumblr and other platforms. Goncharov has been widely covered in the media as an example of how fandom is born on the internet, with many prominent figures, including Scorsese himself, leaving comments.

— Wikipedia (my translation)

It’s clear the article is trying to adapt the real history of the meme and incorporate it as much as possible into the fictional history of the film. The rest follows quite similarly, and includes more analysis of how Tumblr culture created the “reignited” popularity, how Elon’s acquisition of Twitter resulted in an exodus of users to Tumblr which may have contributed to the increased awareness of the “movie”, etc. Though most of it is directly translated from the english, enough of it is original (such as the attempts to reconcile both real and fictional histories) that I suspect the article’s current state is intentional.

To get back to my initial question, how long will this article last like this?

Remember the whole Scots Wikipedia debacle? An american teenager had basically used simple word replacement to translate over 23,000 articles into Scots. Some people noticed this, but not many, and not loudly enough. It was only after a well researched reddit post pointed out the scale of the damage that people really took notice and action was taken. The wikipedia editor had apparently been doing this for 7 years before the reddit post was made.

If 20,000 articles could go largely unnoticed for 7 years, I imagine a single article could easily evade similar detection. Realistically, how many Japanese speakers are going to even hear about Goncharov and make it to the wikipedia article? Then, how many of them are going to do more googling and find out it’s all a hoax (or know already)? THEN, how many of them are going to tell a wikipedia admin that the article is a lie, or publicise it somehow in a way that forces the editors to update the article?

I think the reality is that although the internet may appear to be a massive open town square (or several), it also has side streets, and side streets of side streets. I feel like the number of active members in each online hobby or interest group are really quite small, and then they get divided between platforms, and even further divided into subgroups. I think if one decided it was something one wanted to do, it would be quite easy to become one of the most prevalent members of any online community you chose just by devoting the time and energy to it.

It’s also kind of shocking how much internet content is inaccessible on account of it being in a different language. English reigns supreme in terms of sheer volume, but there is original research and journalism and entertainment and art in every language, that hasn’t and might never be translated into english. For example, I found it very difficult to find any english sources or research for my post about the evolving conjugation of 違う, but I easily found several japanese papers and websites. In fact, if you google “違くない adjective or verb”, the first english result that doesn’t just handwave it as “informal” or “slang” is a tumblr blog with my post on it!

It’s a small internet indeed where my little hobby language blog is, according to google, the prevailing english source on what is quite a remarkable change in Japanese grammar that’s been happening since the 80s.

I think the Japanese unreality version of the Goncharov wikipedia article will stand for many years to come.

(below link shows the article at time of writing)

[marinerendevouz]

enemies to lovers with fine + switch !

ft. eichi tenshouin, yuzuru fushimi, tori himemiya, wataru hibiki & natsume sakasaki, tsumugi aoba, sora harukawa

eichi tenshouin

• listen. hear me out here. being the younger sibling of rei and ritsu.

• SO many opportunities for silly shenanigans to ensue

• i can imagine eichi being the one to attempt (keyword: attempt) to court you first

• which obviously, considering his history with rei, is honestly REALLY WEIRD?

• you’re just like . What the fuck are you doing while eichi like . Winks at you or something

• seriously so awkward. you hate his guts tbh and are planning on his downfall together with rei

• ritsu finds it so So stupid. probably gossips ? gossipED ? about you with eichi at tea club . eichi was kicking his feet and giggling the entire time

• part of him doesn’t believe his crush is genuine at first. he thinks that it’s amusing, obviously, but real feelings ? he is simply not allowed to feel those…

• until now that is !

• he thinks your snarky remarks and nonchalant gaze are enrapturing

• meanwhile, you: (ʘ言ʘ╬)

• you accompany rei and ritsu to ensemble square quite often, which means you are (unfortunately) greeted by the presence of eichi almost Daily. A Nightmare for sure

• as time goes on, you see how hardworking and charismatic eichi is while performing his duties as executive for starmaker productions and well. even You can’t deny it’s a little attractive. ONLY a little (a lot)

• once eichi catches on to you reciprocating his feelings, he is SO ANNOYING!!!

• teasing gets way wayyy worse. honestly it’s over for you, personally i would have kms by that point

• and once rei notices your banter with eichi turning into FLIRTING? it is joever for you

• half of him is extremely disgusted . he is clinging to his beloved ritsu to console him . the other half is impressed somehow

• “ah, of all people, it had to be him?” “listen i didn’t want this either, rei” - you

• to see your hatred of what eichi did turn into understanding… really even you’re impressed with yourself

• and eichi is Actively trying to be better . he is a little fucked up but it’s okay you can fix him (and also make him worse)

• also i think it’s so funny to imagine eichi’s pale ass figure visit the dark, brooding, gothic sakuma estate. Family dinner visit !

• rei does not give his approval. he almost throws a plate at eichi

• ritsu just gives you two a thumbs up

• a happy family for sure ❤️

yuzuru fushimi

• as the best friend of tori, you have personal beef with his butler

• WHY is he always with tori. how are you two meant to get up to mischief with him constantly Watching. Always Watching.

• and yuzuru thinks you are a horrible influence on his young master

• an OUTRAGEOUS CLAIM which you are ready to fistfight him for . you exude nothing but purity, innocence and charm

• tori is somewhere between amused by your hatred for yuzuru and tired of hearing you talk about him ALL THE TIME

• “and why does he have to constantly be watching you? seriously, he should get a hobby. he’s an idol, too, right? actually i can kind of see why, he definitely has the looks to make it in the industry. anyway—” “OH MY GOD SHUT UP (Y/N)”

• tori doesn’t understand why you’re so Oblivious and so Dumb . he cries to eichi-sama about it who is too busy . idk watching wataru turn into a bird

• yuzuru just watches you with that type of . Evil and Scary closed eye smile that he is a pro at

• honestly? you’re quivering in your boots. but also admiring his smile. his smile is really pretty. Wait a minute.

• the complaining turns into swooning ! who would have guessed (tori) (he guessed) (he knew) (and now he has to listen to you talk about yuzuru 25/7)

• you clean up your act in order to impress him. No More late night snack runs with tori. you are a SAINT

• yuzuru finds it endearing and honestly quite entertaining

• soon enough, he finds himself completely charmed by your. erm. really strange(?) behaviour

• he, himself, is also a strange individual so there’s no surprise there

• tori sets up tea dates for the both of you as well awwww. What a good friend (he invites you over for tea with him then runs away when yuzuru comes to serve you tea. it is a Kind Of tea date)

• honestly you scored a 10/10 baddie GOOD FOR YOU

tori himemiya

• ok i know i have done the sibling ones So often already but. tsukasa’s sibling. YOU being tsukasa’s sibling that is.

• you and tsukasa are constantly discussing how tori has Wronged you everyday

• tori just looks at you both and calls you a fugly pair of siblings

• “listen i’m not saying we bring a lighter to the next fine concert But”

• “that is not appropriate at all… that being said i am not discarding the idea”

• dw about tori he has his own personal bodyguard (yuzuru) to ward off predators (you and tsukasa)

• how is he so much cuter, more successful, prettier, funnier, cuter—

• you know that type of jealousy and hatred that you realise is actually. Much deeper feelings. Yeah. it’s that

• tori gets a lot busier with idol work and that’s when you realise you miss going to the student council office just to banter with him.

• it is so so lonely and so so cold… (2 hours no tori)

• head on the desk. you feel yourself drifting further and further away…

• “hey, what’s up loser”

• RAGE. tori himemiya.

• half play fighting half unbridled rage . its like a pair of kittens toppling over and hissing

• tori also (maybe) (kind of) missed you too. he complained. Loudly. to yuzuru who was like Alright we are going to see them then!

• eventually the teasing insults and fighting turns into the type of fighting that you do as a couple. idk it just KIND OF HAPPENS?

• tsukasa is like. Well i do not approve but at least it’ll be good for our family business

• a good end. a happy end. eichi and wataru have adopted the two of you as their own

• “AMAZING! when is the wedding” “NEVER SHUT UP”

• you buy matching, cutesey couple items and then fight over them

• really what’s a good relationship without a few death threats here and there

wataru hibiki

• i really cannot imagine wataru having an enemy. SURE he has a lot of haters (tomoya) (hokuto) but even then it is done so in an affectionate manner. There is simply No hatred in his heart. only silliness

• so unfortunately your hatred of him is one-sided ! enemy to lovers part 2

• being a rival actor to THE wataru hibiki is certainly a predicament. i mean he has sentient hair is there anything he can’t do

• and it pisses you off. Majorly. who does this absolute clown think he is

• you try your hardest at Every show, you sing your heart out, put the most effort in

• and then there’s wataru. who is Equally as hardworking but somehow 10x more charismatic

• even eichi tenshouin is his biggest fan . he has capitalism on his side

• so you have a burning jealousy and hatred for this man . Well until he offers to do a show WITH you

• you just give him the blankest stare . What are you on about

• while he’s laughing to himself and monologuing on how you two would make the perfect lead roles

• ????? SERIOUSLY

• that’s how you get roped into performing with him and a bunch of idols in dramatica . And well they are certainly an interesting bunch

• as you prepare for the (romantic btw) musical you convince yourself the warmth you feel in your cheeks at his love proclamations is just Method Acting

• IT IS NOT!!!! no one can resist his charm

• you also see how well respected he is as an actor and his true talent on stage

• like . He was one of the eccentrics for a reason. he is stupidly good at acting

• jealousy turns to admiration and well. yeah you guessed it ! admiration turns into an intolerable crush

• wataru, similarly, is impressed at your prowess for acting and shows no signs of being quiet about it. he is yelling how talented you are every 5 seconds and joking how he may Really fall for you

• spoiler warning: he does

• flash forward 6 months . Time for the play

• at the kiss scene it all really comes together . it is a sincerely romantic and genuine kiss

• the crowd is going WILD (except eichi) (he’s jealous) (“i wish that was me fr”)

• backstage, you may just pass out

• but of course wataru is there to lift you up and be a shoulder you can lean on

• And that’s how you scored a date with THE wataru hibiki . he is everyone’s wataru but especially yours

• absolute 10/10 power couple watch out hollywood (and eichi)

• tomoya is just hoping you can tame him or something

natsume sakasaki

• i am so normal over him guys trust (lie) (such a lie)

• he is the perfect candidate for enemies to lovers . something about him just screams ‘i love you in a way that is so painful and so mean’

• anyways . being the apprentice of wataru after natsume stops being his apprentice

• I AM SO SANE OVER THIS CONCEPT

• obviously you were Not Really involved in the war so you’re pretty clueless as to natsume’s former relationship with wataru

• which makes you question why he is such an asshole to you. LIKE he does not take your magic seriously at all

• he thinks that you are not qualified which is . so stupid like you cannot gatekeep being an evil wizard okay that title is for anyone

• in reality… he is a tiny bit insecure that you’re good enough at magic to be wataru’s apprentice

• magic and alchemy has always been something that his character is largely based on and for someone to take over that role so quickly ?!?&:!

• so he Pretends that whenever wataru is telling him about your latest experiments and tricks that he is Not impressed .

• he's basically the yawns . sloppy. boring. lazy .

• he actually really wants to discuss magic with you but every time you meet he just scowls and acts like a bitch. in usual natsume ‘i hate being vulnerable or showing any feelings’ agenda

• so that means you’re going to have to make the first move. otherwise the enemies to lovers slowburn 100k words pining fic ends HERE

• if you ask him for help with magic he is going to be so smug

• like “hM, i figured the likes of you would need help from me afterALL”

• just try not to punch him in the face it will be WORTH IT OKAY!!!

• his hands are actually really shaky the whole time and he is trying his hardest not to mess up it’s actually So so cute

• and natsume gets to assess your magic prowess too (he’s impressed btw. he wouldn’t tell you that so i’m passing on the message. he's falling in love so quick but don’t tell him i told you ok)

• and so you meet up at his secret room regularly ! and with sora too who you become apprentice buddies with ^_^ so joyous

• listen i wasn’t going to include the love potion natsume trope in this but these headcanons are tropey enough let me have this

• you confess by making a love potion together with him PLEASE HEAR ME OUT

• anyways you are the best most magical couple in all of ensemble stars . you create tricky little spells to foil your enemies (eichi tenshouin) and then kiss wearing witch’s hats . the end

tsumugi aoba

• another good enemies to lovers candidate but in a More pathetic way i think

• you’re the producer for past fine. please hear me out on this concept

• i think your beef would be similar to eichi and hiyori . like divorced couple type romance

• you are regretful of the war and find the memories to be bittersweet. then you talk to tsumugi and he’s like Yeah haha i would probably do it again

• HE HAS ISSUES

• and yet he’s still one of the only people who truly understands and unconditionally supports you… this is a sick and twisted world

• i think tsumugi is too moe kyaah anime girl to have any hatred towards you so the enemies to lovers will (once again) be one sided

• he brings up your time as second years and you feel the need to throttle him

• yet you know him so well too, especially how he overworks himself

• and as an ensemble square producer you have to take care of his soggy pathetic self. Sorry

• that one romance trope of the person bandaging the wounds of the love interest . that’s you two except it’s you dragging his ass to bed at 3am

• he will complain . so you have to compromise on letting him cuddle you

• everyone notices how close you two are btw . sora is that one image that’s like ‘hey why does senpai call you babygirl’ ‘how about we stop talking for a little while’

• you Deny all the outrageous claims that you CARE??? for him and say it is rather your past together that makes you feel obligated but it was like two? three? years ago mostly everyone has moved on. stop lying to yourself

• you two have healed Together… and that is what makes your love so raw and vulnerable and eughhsjk this is so sappy and cute. Throws up

• hiyori and nagisa are both so happy that you two are together and finally found peace (sort of)

• eichi is like Hm. interesting . this is awkward

• but it’s okay . because everything is fine (haha get it) now and you and tsumugi are (past) war criminals together ^_^

sora harukawa

• sora is too full of JOY and HAPPINESS to be enemies with anyone . So we are going a bit off script you are rivals in this scenario

• video game rivals to be precise ! i feel like the 🤓 typing this but it’s CUTESEY I PROMISE

• mostly you two play multiplayer games together and get a teensy bit competitive . in the video game club of Course which means we get natsume to be the (totally unbiased) judge

• sora is realllyyy good at video games which means you frequently lose . this is why you have waged war on him

• you will not STOP until the ultimate gamer title becomes yours

• sora is just ヽ(*⌒∇⌒*)ﾉ he’s happy to indulge and play games with you because your colour is always so bright and vibrant when you do !

• little does he know you are plotting his Demise. his demise on little big planet or something

• days, nights, weeks, months you train to beat him. and you never do

• he keeps winning everytime and always acts so modest about it which is even WORSE!!! you can't even get mad when he’s so polite about beating you

• once sora notices your colour becoming more dull because of how demotivated you are he gets really worried (◞‸◟；) he loves playing games but loves spending time with you more…

• once you admit that you’re upset about being worse at games he thinks of a quick solution ! play games together instead of against each other and he can teach you all his tricks

• (natsume offers to help too but he's Not important and he is an asshole . Do not trust)

• so your weekly gaming tournaments basically turn into gaming dates ft thirdwheel natsume and sometimes tsumugi

• cutest CUTEST couple 10/10 i love

• natsume approves too btw . 10/10

• tsumugi is a Little confused but he has the spirit (he also rates 10/10)

• (rinne will not be Making an appearance in fear of shu finding out but he also rates 10/10. Save him from shu)

OKAY KIND OF IMPORTANT MESSAGE SO PLEASE READ!!!

i would have made a separate post for this but i feel like no one would read it so. i’m finally back after um. 10 months. i was super busy and kind of lost interest in enstars and other things so i pretty much abandoned this blog… BUT I HAVE RETURNED! i’m going to try posting every so often and interacting more with you guys on here ^_^ i cleared out my inbox (sorry to anyone who sent things in, it was cluttered and stressing me out haha) so feel free to send me any asks! i will NOT be opening specific requests, but you can feel free to send suggestions for prompts, scenarios or characters you want me to make headcanons for and i’ll try my best!! i also want to try out writing proper fics alongside the silly hc posts, but i might mostly post those on ao3, though i would like a nice balance between silly and serious(ish). i will also try writing for other fandoms like mhyk, twst and pjsekai since i am heavily in those as well but yeah!! my official comeback methinks. hope to chat more with everyone! ♡

[taffybear]

random list of my bay Leo headcanons ❤

working on Raph next! let's see how many ideas i get lol

also opening my inbox for writing (and perhaps even drawing) requests! feel free to drop me an ask <3

literally loves mitski and mac demarco. he likes very indie hopeless romantic type music, it's literally hilarious to catch him just vibing in his feels

SECRETLY HAS PINTEREST BAHAHAHAHA but just for finding poetry and looking at bonsai trees. Mikey found out (like he doesn't have pinterest too??) and they all ended up making fun of him for it to the point where Leo debated deleting the app but ended up forgetting about it.

very specific but he has this unique type of love language where he'll ask you something and without any further questions he will go get or accomplish whatever he hinted at. for example, y'all will just be hanging out, and he'll go, "are you hungry?" and if you just as much nod your head hesitantly he will run to the kitchen and make you a 3 course meal. or, he'll just ask you if you're cold, and if you say yes he brings you a heater and a blanket. he doesn't ask things like, "can i get you a water?" he'll just ask if you're thirsty and go from there.

has the most gorgeous handwriting on the planet. this beautiful cursive print that is lowkey unreadable but so aesthetically pleasing. at first you were shocked but as you got to know him it made lots of sense, literally probably his biggest hobby is just remembering some random thing and then spending weeks straight perfecting it until it's natural for him. he loves to challenge himself to be perfect at literally anything, and his hand writing is one of those instances.

HE'S LITERALLY A VIRGO GUYS HE IS THE DEFINITION OF A VIRGO OH MY GOD

speaks fluent japanese OF COURSE but his brothers don't know it as well as he does (they all know a little at least) and he'll curse them out quietly in japanese behind their backs.

Leo wouldn't say he had a favorite brother of course but he definitely prefers Don's presense over the others. they always go to each other first when they have a problem or just want to rant, and they have a bunch of inside jokes.

after Donnie, Leo's the biggest insomniac. he gets nightmares a lot unfortunately, and most times when he wakes up he physically can't go back to sleep. literally Mikey will get up for a glass of water at 5:37 in the morning and Leo is up doing flips.

very random, but Leo is AWFUL at math. he meant to learn at some point but the time passed and he missed the boat. ofc math is Don's second language and Mikey and Raph couldn't care less (but somehow Mikey always guesses the right answers without doing the correct work??) but Leo is lowkey embarrassed that he struggles with it so much. he can do basic math and most things that come up in daily life like practical equations, but anything past times tables and division he is cannot understand. if you come over and need help on your math homework he will try his HARDEST to help you but ultimately he's completely clueless.

always takes bugs outside. if the creepy crawly is creepy enough or makes you screech, he'll whip it with his katana but normally he'll take the time to scoop it up in his hands (literally no fear) and walk it outside calmly.

literally LOVES doing chores. it's like a form of self care for him. folding laundry, sweeping, mopping, washing the dishes, organizing the dojo, he'll literally put on some music and go to town. when he visits you he will literally just start straightening things up and picking things off of the floor. he hates having nothing to do so he'll just ask for something he can clean while y'all chit chat.

incredibly flexible. he can bend every which way, sit comfortably in a split for hours, can bend over IN HALF and grab the back of his legs--he's literally maxed out on flexibility. but splits training is his private time so unless you sneak you won't catch a glance. but when you do, in between of sliding dojo doors, it is... something. like excuse me sir how tf doesn't that hurt your bAWLLS

smells like lavender. dead serious his signature scent is lavender. it's not like he wears cologne or anything, he just lights a lot of lavender incense and candles to the point where if someone even steps foot in his room they walk out aroma-fied.

everyone in the fandom has their personal opinion of who's the best cook and who's the worst cook of the four, and it is finally time for my hot take of the century. i think Leo is by far the best chef, and Raph is the one who can't even make toast right. a lot of people say Mikey is the chef of the family, which i agree with, he enjoys cooking and baking very much, but this doesn't mean the food he makes is good 💀💀💀 he trusts himself over any recipe and so he just throws in whatever he feels like. Leo can't stand being in the kitchen while Mikey is cooking, his ocd can't stand it. this said, you'd think this would mean the guys prefer Leo's cooking over Mikey's but fact is Leo is such a perfectionist he will spend hours working on a meal it's past 11 by the time he's done. and he doesn't take requests, he only makes what he wants and then on top of that the healthnut version. he makes sushi a lot and goes crazy when you bring him salmon.

IS SUCH A DORK BAHAHAHA if you even so much MENTION a book or a show he likes he will blabber for HOURS about it. he knows every single fact there is to know about star trek it is insane. you amuse him not because you're interested of course but he is just so damn adorable when he's talking about something he enjoys (which he rarely gets the chance to without being made fun of LMAO)

[qrevo]

Was tagged by @humanaaa and @hholandies!! Thanks for the tags ^^

1. Are you named after anyone?

Kinda?? My first and second names are supposed to come from angels of the bible (or as so i was told), but istg the one from my first name DOES NOT exist. I searched everywhere and came up empty-handed lol

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last week when i replayed Adastra. The catharsis was so strong it disintegrated my core being into dust fr fr

3. Do you have kids?

Nope!! And i don't plan to!!

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

I practiced judo when i was very very tiny, but i was too scrawny and clumsy for it. Left before even making it out of the white belt LMAO

Also a little before high school i used to play basketball and swim!!

Now i just bike regularly if that somehow counts SKDJFDKF

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Very very rarely

6. What's the first thing you notice about someone?

Their outfit!!

7. Eye color?

Brown!!

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

C-Can i have both 🥺👉👈

But if i had to choose between them i think i'd go with a scary movie

9. Any talents?

Being good at math counts?? SKJSJSJD

10. Where were you born?

BRASIL NÚMERO 1 CAMPEÃO DO MUNDO 🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷

11. Hobbies?

Since the start of the year i picked up drawing again!! I sometimes play videogames, but i haven't been doing it that much lately. I take walks a few days of the week. I also like watching/reading stuff but that one's a given

12. Any pets?

We have two dogs!! Fiona, the bigger one we adopted, and Moana, the smaller one that adopted us!! (i also wanted a cat but everyone here's allergic and hates them to death for some reason)

13. Height?

I must be between 1.70m ~ 1.72m?? I haven't measured my height in quite some time lol

14. Favorite school subject?

Unsurprisingly, math!!

15. Dream job?

I used to dream of becoming a programmer or a game developer, but i've become quite disillusioned with the industry. Now i really have no idea LMAO

Tagging @not-too-many-eyes @rainbowghostcat @candckirby @seariii @gunsli-01 @roseofcards90 and anyone else that feels like it!!

edit: enough reblogs on this one continue the tag game on your own posts 💥💥💥💥💥

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

HI HI!! Tysm for doing my writer sequel!! I wanted to request again for a teen! cosplayer!reader. They go to many anime conventions(is that what it's called?) But they are a little shy and have social anxiety (real) They often gets made fun of for liking anime and cosplaying. While some of her classmates do bully her for this, her brother is the worst.

I usually do more detailed requests but I feel like I already troubled you with my previous requests 😭😭

Love your work btw❤️❤️

Not a childish hobby

Self-Aware! Platonic! BSD Characters x Fem! Teen! Reader

Description: You have a hobby. People called it childish. BSD Cast disagree with them.

Warning: OOC. English is my second language. Bullying. Some mysogony (Brother is angry, because Reader cosplay male characters and told her to do 'real female job').

________

You were making the last touches to your Port Mafia Dazai (age fifteen) cosplay, when you hear a ping.

Another message from someone. You looked at your phone.

Classmates

Hey, [y/n], have uwu watch cawtoons today? Aw. Wittwe kiddo need hew daiwy dose of cawtoons awnd toys.

You sigh. Your classmates were annoying. As usual. After they learned about your love of anime and cosplay, they started picking on you. You don't know why they continue doing it. They have learned about it seven months ago! Can't they move on?

But, you stay silent. You didn't speak about it to teachers or your parents. You don't want to be a bother. Classmates were just annoying. They didn't cross the line.

You always liked anime. You liked animation and different stories. You liked characters and soundtracks.

And, thanks to The Internet, you have learned about fandom. And cosplay.

You fell in love with cosplay. Your parents, while thinking, that you were childish, let you go enjoy your new hobby. They let you attend anime conventions in a cosplay.

Yes, they think, that it was childish, but, at least, their daughter wasn't smoking or drinking. Or doing something else, that can lead to trouble.

Yes, there was your older brother... Comments. Laughing. Notes.

During anime conventions, you preferred to stay 'silent'. You wear cosplay, buy merch, didn't participate in competition and don't allow people to take pictures with you.

Seven months ago, your cousins invited you to a convention. And their mother took a picture with you three wearing cosplays. And posted it online. Somehow, your classmates learned about it.

And the bulling starts.

Notes, uwu language, laughing.

And your brother saw it as a sigh.

He tried to sabotage your cosplays.

He could pour paint on costumes. Or cut them with scissors.

And your parents ignored his behavior. Maybe, they saw it as normal sibling rivalry. They were too busy with their work to pay attention to all of your problems.

And, when one time you told them about your brother's bullying, they told you to deal with it on your own. Because you must protect your 'childish' hobby on your own.

You shake your head, chasing away unwanted thoughts.

You were almost done with the costume. You have opened BSD Mayoi app and choose Port Mafia Dazai (age fifteen) card for a reference.

_____

You looked at the destroyed costume.

Normally, you would hide your cosplay in your wardrobe. But you left for two minutes to drink some water.

How it was enough time to do this?

It was torn apart, coated in paint.

Your brother looked pleased with himself. He walked past you, laughing.

"Grown up. Use these rugs for a real female job. Clean this mess. You can thank me later, sis. And..."

He pulled your hair.

"Don't you dare to cosplay a male character ever again."

He left your room.

You wanted to yell at him. To hit him.

But you were afraid.

You just cried.

You didn't notice, how your phone start glowing.

You didn't notice, how BSD Cast appeared in your room.

You felt, how Oda carefully wiped away your tears.

_____

Your room weren't big enough for all of them, but, all of you managed to settle down.

After some fear, disbelief, talking Bram's head, some screaming and squeezing half-transfoed Atsushi's paws, you finally called down enough to listen to Fukuzawa's and Fitzgerald's explanation.

It was a lot to take in.

You whispered. You were uncomfortable to be in a middle of attention.

"Wh-what will you do next?"

Fitzgerald spoke, his voice was soft.

"We will stay in this world. We will live here. And..." Fitzgerald looked at you and smiled. "I won't beat around the bush. We want to adopt you. So you can live with us."

You opened your mouth and looked at Fitzgerald. Then at the rest of BSD Cast. You were waiting for them to burst into laughing. But all of them looked serious. Fitzgerald spoke again.

"We won't force you to stay with us, if you don't want to. We are fine with being with family or just friends for you. If you don't want to see us after today, we won't ever bother you. If you choose to stay with us, we won't be against you visiting your parents and brother."

Fitzgerald looked at the remains of your cosplay.

"And... No matter, what you choose, we want to help you with your bulling problem.

You looked down. You whispered again.

"Can I think about it? About living with you."

Fitzgerald nodded.

"Take your time."

_______

You looked around your new room. It was big and cozy. You even have a workshop area for your cosplay.

After some thinking, you agreed to stay with BSD Cast. Fitzgerald, somehow, managed to convince your parents to let you stay with them.

You keep in contact with your parents, have daily calls with them and visit them on weekends.

You also changed school. Not before Tachihara and Kuyoka had some talk with your former classmates. After the talk, they apologized to you.

As for your brother...

______

You flinched under your brother's glare. You were wearing new Fifteen-year-old Dazai's cosplay.

"What did I tell you about cosplaying a male character? Wha...?"

Your brother's eyes widen, when he saw Fukuzawa in Koyouou's cosplay and Fukuchi in Mitchell's cosplay behind you.

Fukuchi glared at your brother.

"So... You are against the idea of your sister cosplaying a male character? So, do you have something to say for our cosplay of female characters?"

Ever since then, your brother was avoiding you. And he was still paying you back for every cosplay he destroyed.

________

You rubbed your temples.

You have a cosplay costume to finish.

Soon you and BSD Cast will attend a Comic Con. You were sure, that you will get some attention. And you were fine with it. As long as BSD Cast stay near you.

You smiled.

You were happy.

You weren't laughed at for liking cosplay and anime.

You weren't being called childish.

You have the support of your new family.

Life was great.

[tf2-headcanon-quotes-confesions]

How good is each merc at cooking?

Merc Cooking Scale

Soldier 0/10

Everything he makes is poison. Or radioactive. Or stone. Or some combination.

That is, if there’s even anything left of anything after he’s done

Many, many, many, wild explosions have happened. Stuff that’d make Demo amazed.

He is banned from the kitchen.

Sniper 2/10

This man lives off instant meals.

He’s just the kind of guy who learned how to make what he likes and has stuck to that.

Not only that, but he would absolutely suck if he tried anything else. He’s not interested in learning, either.

He will eat plain wild game to survive if need be. He's got such bland tastes you can't convince me otherwise.

He does not like trying new food.

Medic 3/10 

 I don't trust him.

Pyro 4/10

They’re actually a pretty okay cook when they can focus! They enjoy helping around the kitchen.

Usually, they enjoy finger food that doesn’t require a lot of prep. They make those faces/pictures out of platters.

They are an excellent sweets maker. But when working with complex savory stuff things get much harder for them.

And when the stove is involved... well...

Somehow, though, their damage has never been bad as Solly’s.

Engineer 5/10

Man can cook a solid meal. He doesn’t, usually, but he enjoys it when he does.

His cooking is always super greasy.

His meals are also pretty limited. Really only knows how to make meat-based stuff like bacon, BBQ, eggs, chili, and roasts.

He’ll try his best if you can't/won’t eat meat but it's not the best.

His breakfasts are so good though.

Heavy 6/10

He’s actually a very decent chef but is brought down by the limited resources he had growing up

He’s had to find pretty much every way to cook a bear there is. His family and him are tired of bear meat but to fresh mouths it’s delicious!

He’s slowly learning how to include more variety in his cooking. Sandwiches were an easy introduction and are now his favorite food.

Cooking has become a hobby of his but he’s limited by his own pallet.

His cold meals (meals that don’t involve stove/oven/crockpot/etc., not literally cold food) are very good!

Spy (7/10)

He knows how, of course. He can make plenty of gourmet meals if need be like any respectable gentleman.

The problem is he hates actual doing it.

He can make a bunch if specific fancy meals very very well. They are delicious. They are beautiful. They are perfect.

But he can only make those things. He’s got absolutely zero creativity in the kitchen and could not tell you the basics of cooking.

He can follow a recipe but won’t bother to learn why you take the steps you take in it.

Demo (9/10)

He’s actually got a very similar story to Heavy but without the lack of resources.

He’s a mixologist. He’s a chef. He’s Husband Material.

After he went to live with his parents again, cooking became favorite chore.

As they got older, it also became an obligation. One he fulfilled with love and service.

He loves cooking for other people. He won’t ever really do it for himself. He likes sharing his meals much more than eating/preparing them.

It’s the social aspect for him.

Scout 10/10

Scout? How’s Scout so high up? It feels like he shouldn’t know how to do more than make toast, right?

WRONG.

His oldest brother is the best god damn cook in all of Boston. You bet your ass he spent his childhood eagerly observing him and their Ma.

From the time he was old enough to grip a spoon was eager to help out and prove himself.

He’s an excellent chef—and a resourceful one. He can make a gourmet meal out of five bucks.

Everyone is absolutely SHOCKED the first time he cooked for them. Spy accused him of ordering it from a restaurant to fool them but he was too genuinely knowledgeable/passionate about it.

His chicken meals are exquisite.

[xaharadesert]

ASMR Artists (Modern AU)- Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6)

A/N: I am so tired

❤️Julian❤️

Plague Doctor Takes Care of You (You Have The Black Plague) ASMR Roleplay

He starts his channel as a joke, but has fun with it and decides to keep going

Besides, a little extra income is more than welcome for a med student

None of his videos are serious; they’re all ultra specific and completely ridiculous

Minimal tingles, but people most watch him because he’s funny anyway

🧡Portia🧡

Hair care & gossip ASMR

No one knows whether the gossip is real or not

(It is, but it’s so elaborate that people assume that it can’t be real)

Teaches people how to take care of their curls

Pepi can always be heard in the background

Does lots of hair brushing and various styles; her videos are super calming and great to fall asleep to

She makes lots of compilations by request because most of her videos are on the shorter side

💛Lucio💛

Mukbang ASMR with super expensive foods

Only does livestreams because he likes to suddenly make really loud noises to jumpscare his audience

He’s mostly famous for controversies and being a troll, so the quality of his content does not really matter

A lot of people start watching him because he’s an attractive white guy and they’re willing to defend him to their last breath

Also gets a lot of hate watchers, but he still makes money from the interactions, so he doesn’t care

💚Muriel💚

Story time ASMR, usually beside his fireplace

Asra talked him into it, but Muriel ends up liking the sort of limited social interaction where he doesn’t actually have to see anyone face to face

He never shows his face, but he gets more than enough fans from his voice alone

He usually reads children’s books by request, but sometimes he reads longer ones for parts of a series

Ends up way more popular than he intended: people sponsor him to read their books in his videos, and he’s a bit worried he’s gonna mess up somehow

Sometimes collabs with Nadia on books with lots of female characters (she’s great at voices)

💙Asra💙

Soooo many magic roleplay ASMR series

Fairies, merpeople, vampires, sorcerers, etc, he’s done them all

Big fan of wood soup

Doesn’t do a lot of actual magic or witchcraft in his videos because it feels disingenuous to make up readings for a large audience

Usually adds a disclaimer just in case

Always has themed makeup, nails, and hair, and always looks gorgeous

Barely uploads because he’s got a dozen other hobbies, but when he does it’s usually a couple hours long

💜Nadia💜

Personal attention ASMR

Skincare, makeup, and hair brushing are her favourites, but she also does affirmations whenever she’s having a hard day

The videos are for her as much as they’re for her followers, since she’s super busy single-handedly running her own business

Likes to use her platform to bring attention to current world issues, and usually has segments at the end of her videos to shout out specialists and dedicated activists for her followers to check out

Preaches about mental health, but reminds her followers not to close themselves off from the world around them

[whiskehorange]

Cottagecore/Self-Reliant/Self-Sufficient S/O with a green thumb 👍 with Carrie White, Norman Bates, Candyman, Bishop, and Anton Chigurh.

Carrie

She absolutely loves this idea and lifestyle, but can't really for the life of her keep a plant alive. As much as she tries it just doesn't flourish as much as she wants and it makes her a bit sad. Just another thing to the list that she can't seem to do right

Being able to watch you light up so many rooms with so many different plants, some she's never seen or heard of before, amazes her. She loves the look and spends a lot of her days sitting and doing small chores or reading in your plant room

They make her unbelievably bright and happy and she loves to learn about each plant you have when you tend to it and will surprise you by doing her own research

She remembers just about everything you tell her about the plants and tries her best to gift you some smaller ones she finds when she's out

I believe that Carrie would absolutely be a trinket collector and would have the best days and fun going out with you to the nearby lakes and ponds for picnics or walks. Rocks and pebbles, pressed leaves and flowers, all that and more

Norman

It's good to have hobbies and interest, especially when Norman happens to be busy most of the day. Thankfully for him, however, your hobbies are ones that he can keep up with as well.

I'm certain Norman is a bit of a green thumb as well, he has to keep up with the property somehow. He'll be forever grateful if you ever want to pitch in for him to get some work throughout the day out so he has more time to spend with you, even if that time is gardening

It's good for you to be keeping him up to date as well. While your interesting aesthetic isn't something he's used to seeing it certainly does liven up anywhere you go. Norman doesn't change things up too often, so he really needs a wardrobe change

When he isn't bugging you too often though, he does spend his time making delicate and floral based taxidermy for you of various small animals. A lot of the design choices come from flowers and plants he's heard that you're fond of or some he's plucked behind your back

Candyman

Daniel thinks it's a beautiful thing that you're able to be enough for yourself, especially when he can't be there constantly. Not like he could do much for you anyways, but you're still well off.

He's a man of taste and is pretty well versed in your plants and how to help you tend to them, but occasionally loves to hear your input and advice on doing so. It's one of his favorite pass times with you, making him feel at peace for the first time in a very, very long time

It does happen to make his chest rumble a little bit, seeing as his bees desperately want to get out and smell some fresh flowers for once. Within a certain distance from you you'll be able to hear the anxious humming and buzzing of all of them underneath his coat

As if he didn't do this often anyways, he almost always brings you home flowers as often as he can, but mainly the types you can replant/pot if you'd like to keep them and frequently will take you on dates that rely on the weather. Walks and picnics secluded in the forest are his preferred places. If you thrive, he thrives

Of course, he's also always looking forward to your homemade, organic treats and goodies on the way there

Bishop

The amount of relief that Bishop has taken off of his shoulders is immeasurable. You'd be surprised, or not, to learn that not a lot of Earth plants can survive on the ship, even with 24/7 monitoring and care. Most of the plants you see in the corridors and offices of the ships are either fake to easy the homesick epidemic floating around or plants from various other planets

Bishop himself is decently knowledgeable on the various plant and vegetation on the ship and he's more than happy to sit and teach you the ups and downs of space greens. It's most important on this ship to know how to be self reliant, especially when it's such a dangerous area to be stuffed into. A lot of the things in and around this ship can kill you, so his teachings are mandatory

There happens to be a lack of botanists on the ship that Bishop would be more than happy to train right next to him; even more so with it being you. And as much as he appreciates your comfy style and personality, he does have to hand you a typical lab uniform with a pitiful smile

Your work ethic is something that he swoons over the moment you do decide to work next to him. Bishop may seem like he's got a stick stuck up his ass, but no one gives him the time of day to figure out that she shows love and appreciation differently, especially when it comes to talking data and interests with you. You'll notice one of his small gestures is giving you itty bitty foreign plants that the two of you have been studying to see if you can keep it alive

Anton

Well you certainly look... interesting. You're an odd one, but it's a bit refreshing to come back home to after however long he's been away. There is never typically an element of surprise that will be able to catch him off guard, but seeing what new project you're up to every time he sees you if a close contender

He's more than relieved for you to be so self-reliant and be able to keep such thriving gardens and structure, it gives him less to worry about. You'd think he wouldn't have any cares in the world, but you'd be surprised

You constantly send him on his way with treats and small foods that you swear he needs; when was the last time you say him eat with your own eyes? Exactly, and it's hard to have him for long enough to enjoy a nice warm dinner

Anton doesn't speak much on his work life or about home life in general, but doesn't mind your talk. He appreciates your lack of small talk and tendency to jump right into filling him in on what's been going on since he's been gone, what you've been growing, clothes you've made, and small new additions to the home you've made. He'll blankly smile down at you in the garden as you crouch down and show him the growth and greens, inching to the left every so often to look at the other patches down the line