#something in particular that’s been on my mind is the very very scary potential of like

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: referenced mind control / parasites / intrusive thoughts (only in the tags) / ]

(This is just a fun “what if” so bear with me-) I know we make mention of the potential for Krang remnants to be stuck with Raph and/or Donnie, but Mikey and Leo also had a moment with the other two where a type of Krang goop was crawling beneath their skin (this being immediately after Raph broke free.)

So I raise you the potential for all four of them to have a bit of that Krang parasite on them…and for that to have unforeseen consequences.

[artificialdaydreamer]

For those asking about the TMA 2 stuff, what it would be about, here ya go

JONNY

One of the things that's fun about this particular ending is can do a spin-off in whatever universe might be fun. I would probably do something— It probably’d have to be a prequel and it would be, I think, entirely different characters.

There are some very compelling characters that would be fun to dive into a little bit more people like, oh, you know, Gertrude and Adelard Decker, and that whole, like, previous generation.

The problem with that sort of sequel is that in the original series and, you know, in most original series that have these sort of prequels, the way that the past is dealt with is very deliberate. Gertrude and Decker and Salesa and all this, sort of, previous generation, they are specifically written to be highlighting and contrasting and interacting with the actual story that's being told.

When you start to expand that out into what has to stand as its own story, then that whole aspect starts to collapse a little bit. And in my eyes, the prequel would never be able to be as good as it could be, because it's hamstrung by all this stuff that's in the original series, and the original series would be slightly lessened by the fact that there's all this additional stuff that has been built up that was not in mind when it was written.

So like, I think a lot of the obvious spin-off stuff, probably not particularly interesting to me.

JONNY

And if you ever did get all the answers for all the characters, it's incredibly sterile, it's incredibly boring. It's just this, like, weird, perfect artificial thing that feels incredibly fake.

But yeah, I would probably— I’ve had various thoughts, but I think it would probably be some alternate dimension thing.

Also, you know what? Okay everyone, let's do a series of Joshua Gillespie just not noticing creepy things.

JONNY

Oh, actually thinking about it. I also, like, I am fascinated actually in the world that we have left behind, post-Magnus.

ALEX

See, I'm deliberately dodging giving that answer for the simple reason, it's the one that I think has the actual most potential.

JONNY

I largely want to mention it because I discovered a bunch of post-post-apocalypse memes on Tumblr, which are amazing. They are in-universe memes. Created by people who have come out of all the fear dimensions.

ALEX

Oh, that's such a good idea!

JONNY

And they are astounding! They're so good. There are accounts which are like in- universe posting about someone's like, ‘Oh yeah, I'm having some real problems with like my boyfriend, because he was in space and he was contemplating the bigness of the universe, but I was in a war dimension. I got shot a lot and it's really driving a wedge between us because he's like, “Oh no, mine was really scary.” And I was like, “How many times did you explode?”’

Jonny and Alex on potential spin-offs/sequels. S5 Q&A Part one.

I know there was somewhere in one of the q&as where they said that Jon and Martin’s story was finished but I can’t find it at the moment.

Did find this tho

ALEX

Title of The Magnus Archives 2. Semi-colon 'Snogs Galore'.

[otsanda]

I was reading this great meta by @fuckyeahisawthat about Aziraphale and Crowley metaphorically switching places— from Crowley being the giver of Knowledge and the freedom of choice to humanity and Aziraphale being the protector, by giving humans the flaming sword to Crowley being the protector of humanity and Aziraphale granting knowledge and freedom of choice.

But this made something click into place for me that I’d been turning over in my mind for a while: what if it’s not just freedom and knowledge and choice for humanity… what if Aziraphale functionally brings freedom and choice and knowledge to everyone!

I mean, one thing I haven’t really seen anyone talking about is the contrast between the portrayal of angels and demons (generally) in S1 and specific angels and demons in S2. The first season really set Heaven and Hell up as full of a lot of characters who had their own quirks and unique aspects, but still functioned very well as cogs in the same type of machine.

Gabriel and Beelzebub are the most obvious examples, since they had the biggest pivot in S2: suddenly it’s not just Aziraphale and Crowley who are the special ones.

We get to see these two other characters have thoughts and desires and aspirations beyond that of following their angelic/demonic natures or furthering the cause of their respective sides. S2 really humanizes both of these characters who were (in S1) the best real example that we saw of an official representative of the corporate goings-on from each side. God and Satan were there in S1, but in a much less visible way (and even LESS visible in S2).

But even beyond Beez and Gabe, S2 took careful steps to humanize a lot of other ethereal/occult characters as well. We see Michael both confident and shaken, sarcastic and unsure. Strong, but with aspirations to go Higher. Uriel pushes back, questions authority, and asks for reassurance that they’ve not done something wrong. Side note: I really hope we get to see more Uriel development bc Uriel has so much interesting potential to me.

Muriel wasn’t in S1, but is an obvious parallel for early Aziraphale and we see a lot of similarities between them (their enthusiasm and delight at experiencing Earth, being believed when attempting a particular human job, enjoying books, etc).

Even the demons we see aren’t a monolith. Shax feels quite different from the classic evil demons we’ve met before. Furfur and Eric too. Although they’re doing demon stuff, none of these demons act all that demonic. We see even more hints at them struggling and learning and growing. Being… more human.

Heck, even the demon with the scary mouth in E4, Astoreth, was just doing his job.

So then what if the end of S2 is establishing Crowley as the defender of Humanity while positioning Aziraphale to share knowledge and the freedom of choice in heaven. If the ‘big battle’ that Crowley mentioned at the end of S1 is between Humanity and whoever is representing Heaven or Hell, maybe it’s time to give more ethereal and occult beings the opportunity to choose their own place in that fight.

Because I think that Crowley is right that Heaven and Hell are toxic. And Aziraphale is right that they both can do good. And separating the two of them, as painful as it is to watch, could give Aziraphale the space to see glimpses of humanity in the other angels (and even demons?) while positioned in Heaven. And it could give Crowley... probably trust issues, actually. I guess let's put a pin in that part.

But come Season 3, I would love to see Crowley and Aziraphale positioned on opposite sides of the war to end all wars, Aziraphale representing Heaven (and Hell?) and Crowley alongside Humanity. But before anything truly awful happens, they do what they always do.

They’ll come up with a plan. And they'll rescue one another and themselves.

And everything else and everyone else will fall into place around them.

[empressofthewind]

Hi! I've been rereading some of your meta posts and I really enjoy hearing your opinions. I don't know if you've talked about this before, but why do you think Near said "If you can't win the game, if you can't solve the puzzle, you are just a loser"? Does he really think L is a loser? (I don't remember if that line is in the manga, but it's in the anime). And thanks again for your awesome posts :)

Hi Ray!!! Thank you so much, I'm really glad you enjoy them 🥰💕 this line IS also in the manga, and I don't think I've talked about it before but it's definitely something I've thought about! If you take Volume 13 as canon, then there is technically an answer to this, which you can see on the top line here (I've also typed it out in the image description if the text is too small/grainy to read):

This WOULD imply that Near actually thinks L is a loser, so take that as you will lmao. Personally I'm inclined to disagree with this, for two reasons. Firstly, he doesn't seem to extend this way of thinking to Mello when he dies for the same case (or anyone else, for that matter). If he thought dying at Kira's hands made L a loser, then he should theoretically apply that same principle to everyone who died for the case. Secondly, he does seem to have some level of respect for L, although I waver on exactly how much that is - but if he really thought L was just a loser, I don't think he'd wear a mask of his face, keep L's puppet on his finger during his final speech and rule out a potential plan on the basis that "it would be an insult to L".

However, I've included this entire excerpt from his profile because I think there are some other lines here that actually give a few extra clues about what's going on with this line. It's notable to me that three of the four quotes on there have very similar phrasing; "you're nothing but a loser", "you just have to say sorry", "you are just a murderer". He has this way of talking about things that reads as almost a bit dismissive? I don't get the impression that he is actually as impassive as he comes across, especially because the way he talks about Mello is always SO passionate and emotive, but rather I think this is just his way of rationalising things. He breaks them up into smaller parts or metaphors in his head, which makes it easier for him to think about them logically. He weighs up the risks and benefits of everything he does, he's very particular about deciding whether something or someone is worth his time, and I get the impression that he has a fairly symbolic way of thinking which helps him work through real-world dilemmas and keeps him from becoming overwhelmed.

So with that in mind, my interpretation of this line is that he compares the Kira case to a game or a puzzle, and thus instead of having to grapple with L's death, he thinks of it like losing a game. It's similar to him making puppets to represent people in his real life, knocking over his dice tower while most of the SPK members are collapsing around him and tipping out his puzzle while he delivers the line in question. This is also reflected throughout the rest of the series in the way he talks about the Kira case. He very consistently refers to the investigation as a game and thinks of it in terms of winning or losing, which I think makes it easier for him to reconcile with the consequences. The moment he learns about L's death, he knows there's an incredibly high chance that he will have to take over the case himself, and at this point, he's 13 with presumably zero real-world detective experience; only whatever training Wammy's House put them through. So if the world's best detective - who's been in that line of work for 15 years and has solved every case he's ever taken on - just died trying to solve this one, it has very scary implications for Near and Mello. Thus, while I honestly don't think he was as cut up about L's death as Mello and Roger were, it certainly wasn't good news, and thinking of it this way makes it easier for him to process.

I hope this makes sense!! Thanks again for the compliments, these are always my favourite posts to make :-)

[thembolaura2]

Babel is a book that came highly recommend to me from people I trust, and honestly I can see why. On it's surface, it should've been something I was really into - a book about anti-imperialism set against the backdrop of the Opium Wars while also being about etymology and the inherent imperfections of translating between two languages. Hell it even quotes Frantz Fanon at one point.

And yet.

I've been thinking about it a lot recently, and I think I've come to some conclusions of the things about it that really rubbed me the wrong way - major spoilers for the whole book follow.

Fundamentally, it comes down to one word: class. I think RF Kuang has a massive blindspot around class and classism, and it seeped through in this book in a way that I found quite aggravating.

I'll start by saying that the only working class characters that I can remember are Professor Lovell's housekeeper Mrs Piper, and the northern strikers. And kind of Griffin.

Mrs Piper is basically shown as a stereotypical loving, kindly housekeeper. She's Scottish and makes scones for Robin! That's...about all there is to her character, aside from one particular thing that sticks out to me - there's a bit early on where Robin gets beaten by Lovell for hyperfocusing and missing the start of his lesson, and Mrs Piper gets judged (not by Robin mind, by the book) for not acknowledging anything was wrong:

Some other child suited to better, kinder treatment might have realised that such nonchalance on the part of adults like Mrs Piper [...] to a badly bruised eleven-year-old was frightfully wrong

Now ignoring that this is a book set in 1830s Britain where this would have been a common occurrance anyway (yes it still would've been wrong back then but given the cultural context I don't think there were many other children "suited to a better, kinder treatment"), what grates me about this is that there's absolutely no interrogation of why she might not want to speak out about it. Her job is as a housekeeper. Presumably she is reliant on this job to survive. If she spoke out about this, chances are she'd both lose this job and potentially any future housekeeping jobs. And like, it's not a huge thing, but it's an early sign that the approach to class is at best, lacking.

So then we come to the northern strikers. First introduced as a rowdy, scary crowd - fine, it's from Robin's perspective and he's had a very bourgeois, sheltered upbringing after being picked up by Professor Lovell. They come back later, now on Robin's side, to act as. Uh. A barricade. Only one of them, Abel Goodfellow (lol) is the only one who gets any particuar characterisation, the rest are just a faceless crowd of people who the book doesn't seem to have any real interest in. The only reason they exist is to give the Oxford students and professors an extra layer of protection so none of the actual characters are in any sort of risk for a few chapters.[1]

Which brings me to one of my biggest issues. This whole book has been leading up to this "revolution" - but the revolution is a bunch of academics hiding in the big Colonialism Tower, while a bunch of proles are the ones who actually put themselves at risk. They are basically treated as cannon fodder to protect the brave academics, but then end up getting cold feet when it seems like they might be in some actual danger.

What the fuck.

What puts an even bigger point on this is knowing, throughout the entire book, that RF Kuang herself went to Oxford and pulled from her experiences. While this makes her exploration of the racism in the upper echelons of British society very real and is a legitimately good critique, it also makes the way she approaches the working class in this book feel extremely patronising - made worse by my recent discovery of just how bourgeois the rest of her background is (she went to a Greenhill School where each year costs upwards of $30k, Georgetown University which has a dispropotionately high ratio of students from wealthy families, studied at both Oxbrige unis, and finally an Ivy League uni in Yale.)

And I get it, I'm white, that is absolutely a privilege I have that she does not. I would never deny that, and I never want to talk over people who have experienced racism. But also, class-based oppression is very fucking real. So to have a literal Oxbridge scholar write a book decrying British imperialism and colonialism, criticising Oxford for being a racist driver of these things, while simultaneously glorifying the glamourous aspects of the institution [2] and just glossing over the intensity of classism in British society is, quite frankly, fucking galling.

Oh also, if you want me to be sympathetic to a character, maybe don't make them the fucking prince to another empire??? Utterly bizarre choice.

[1] As an aside, this section is another good example of her blindness towards class:

Despite all expectations, Abel's supporters grew in number over the following days. The workmen strikers were better at getting the message out than any of Robin's pamphlets. They spoke the same lanugage, after all. The British could identify with Abel in a way they could not with foreign-born translators.

The implication I get from this is that because they're foreign academics, those stupid, racist proles ignored them, but like. There is a long, storied history of solidarity across racial lines among the British working classes - admittedly my knowledge of this history doesn't go back as far as when this would have been taking place, but either way, the fact it's not mentioned that the British working class would see them primarily as Oxford toffs just seems like such a weird thing to skip over.

[2] Honestly my issue with all the anachronistic things like the oysters isn't that it's anachonistic but that it comes across as bragging about all the special things she got to experience at Oxford

[anonymousaccount1015]

If you’re thinking about sitting out the Presidential election because you’re unsatisfied with the major party options OR because you think you have principled philosophical reasons to not like Biden, please keep in mind what is at stake.

- Trump being in office again and having the power of the executive broadly (this is bad enough, also kind of my catch-all for things unlisted that you might think up)

- Trump seeking revenge, retribution, and repression of political freedoms of those who don’t support him, you can imagine for yourself how this might manifest, including through promoting political violence from his followers, which he hasn’t pledged to not allow

- Trump attacking the opposition party as part of his “revenge,” perhaps in ways that are more substantive than before, possibly through weaponizing the DOJ against political enemies

- Trump actually following through on his promise that in his first day in office that he would be a dictator, but only on day one, you can see him speak about this when he was on Fox News

- Trump attempting and/or succeeding at implementing Project 2025 (the playbook for a fascist takeover which, very oversimplified, looks to centralize political power in the hands of the executive)

- Trump possibly appointing two new Supreme Court justices, assuming the two older justices (Alito and Thomas) leave early to get replaced by ideologically similar judges, the history books will say we allowed him five Supreme Court appointments (three in his first term + two replacements)

- Trump possibly appointing more conservative justices across the lower courts, there are many vacancies at present (including on the U.S. District Courts), Trump appointed many judges on these lower courts in his first term after the Republican Senate prevented Obama from appointing any, arguably these were even worse for the longterm health of the country than the Supreme Court appointments

- Trump probably appoints an even crazier second Presidential cabinet filled with his allies (people who are subservient to his whims and support him fanatically, something like Giuliani as Attorney General or something, Vivek anywhere in his administration is scary)

- Trump pardoning himself from the majority of his crimes (unsure how many he can succeed with pardoning himself from, not a legal expert, IIRC he can’t pardon himself out of Georgia at least)

- Trump procuring 91 criminal charges across four separate cases (the Washington D.C. Jack Smith case, the Georgia election interference case, the classified documents case, the Stormy Daniels case), you can watch a quick recap here, this should immediately make him unqualified for public office

- Trump potentially using the Insurrection Act of 1807 which allows the President with very little oversight to order “U.S military and federalized national guard troops within the United States in particular circumstances, such as to suppress civil disorder, insurrection, or rebellion” (per Wikipedia), something which he may use as soon as his first day in office to support protests

- Trump pardoning some/all of his associates and acolytes that have helped him over the years, assuring that they’ll never face justice (Giuliani comes to mind, others who have been loyal, Gaetz will never face justice for unlawfully trafficking minors)

- Trump possibly working to free the January 6th participants, who he’s repeatedly labeled as “hostages,” as in freeing the people who tried to assist him in overthrowing the government, danced around it as recently as his 03/20 rally

Trump has also on multiple occasions had a “January 6th prison choir” at his rallies that perform live songs as recently as his 03/20 rally, this is ongoing (side note)

- Trump possibly getting full control of the federal government just like the 115th Congress (Trump winning the White House makes it very statistically likely even with an overperformance on our side that he also wins the Senate, the House is still a tossup, anybody’s game)

- Trump possibly trying to sign some sort of federal abortion ban, Trump prided himself on killing Roe vs Wade and then said it was up to the states, though privately, reports have come out that Trump is proposing a federal abortion ban to mirror those in various states

- Trump trying once again to build a border wall/trying to do other horrible things to “illegal” undocumented immigrants (he promised tighter border security + Republicans have been focusing a lot on immigration recently), called migrants “animals” at a 03/20 rally

- Trump promised a mass deportation of “illegal” undocumented immigrants, this is a pretty standard Republican talking point nowadays but still absolutely unacceptable

- Trump potentially using the military against foreign drug cartels in their own sovereign territory, something that was also promoted by fellow Republicans that ran in the primary

- Trump signing KOSA into law (a far right backed bill to “protect kids on the Internet”), which will also likely overturn Section 230 (very oversimplified, the law that states what happens on these platforms, say Tumblr, is not Tumblr’s responsibility, they can’t be sued as if they were a participant, if this was overturned, it would lead to severe content restrictions since now Tumblr, and others, can be sued for everything)

- Trump signing federal age restriction mandates similar to those that have been passed recently in several states (Texas and seven others, with more than a dozen states with similar bills in the legislature), making it so you have to provide identification to access pornographic material

- Trump pulling us out of various international agreements (among them the Paris Climate Accord, which he pulled out of in his first term, for example), the U.S. will never be trusted internationally again

- Trump pulling out of NATO (an important international strategic alliance we’ve had since the 1950s that has safeguarded our spot as the superpower of the world), something he teased repeatedly in his first term

- Trump threatening nuclear war or some similarly large military escalation when he tries to intimidate our perceived enemies about how vast our military capabilities are

- Trump possibly withholding aid from Ukraine/strongarming them to accept a peace deal which will mean they have to cede major territory to Putin (we’ve seen already that Trump is willing to strongarm Ukraine for political purposes, see his first impeachment trial, plus Trump says that he can end the war in less than a day, about the only way this is feasible is Ukraine ceding ground)

- Trump possibly ignoring the Palestine genocide in terms of offering any humanitarian assistance/allowing Israel to have their way unrestricted (you can criticize our President on Israel for very fair reasons but Trump would be significantly worse if your goal is to save Palestine)

- Trump possibly inflaming tensions with Iran (either intentionally by attacking first or indirectly through proxy via involvement vs Hamas or Hezbollah/support of Israel), a war that neither side needs

- Trump provoking tensions with China which may lead to a more substantive lapse in the relationship that won't help either of us (another trade war or unlikely on the ground war), the Republicans have been very rabid about China lately in their efforts to ban TikTok

- Trump potentially encouraging China to try to invade Taiwan like they've been posturing about for over half a century, sensing weakness from Trump or that he won't support Taiwan like the Americans had previously pledged

- Trump promised to reinstate the previous travel bans imposed on several Muslim-majority countries, something which originally happened in his first Presidential term

- Trump promises to promote oil drilling once again (he promised his first day in office when he's a dictator), possibly offshore fracking (judging by the position of the party), setting us behind in switching away from oil + harming the planet

- Trump probably slashes the subsidies for electric vehicles, setting us behind in switching over (optimistic outlooks say 10-15 years for electric vehicles once they've reached their full potential to phase out gas vehicles from the market), recently at a campaign event he spoke very negatively about them (the "bloodbath" speech)

- Trump promised a “100% tariff” on all vehicles that are imported by Chinese run factories that they’re building in Mexico, which is absolutely ludicrous in terms of a policy proposal

- Trump stating there will be a “bloodbath” at an 03/16 rally assuming he’s not elected President once again, when pushed back, Trump suggested he was talking about what will happen to the auto industry, though many think he was making some kind of veiled threat

- Trump promises to use the National Guard in major cities struggling with violent crime and problems with drugs, something that would be a significant overreach and very displacing for their populations

This list will be added to as more becomes available about what Trump plans to/is likely to do.

Though these things seem horrible, and might even make you feel hopeless, through the mobilization of voters, we’re stronger than we think we are, even at the sunset of democracy.

[parad-ice-lostandfound]

Things that come in my head as I play through Diasomnia's chapter (chp 38-55):

[Potential spoilers below darlings, proceed with caution!]

Am I ready for this? Hell no. Do I know I will regret everything? Yes. Am I still gonna try to finish everything in one day? Yep. Let's go!

Ortho??? Calling from RSA??? Is this Idia's dream? Malleus?! Cute to see him taking care of Drago but like the tiny details showing that its actually a dream? And Idia's catching on! Slowly but hey, progress is still progress! It's also nice to see how things could be different if og Ortho was still around.

Where are we? Why are there terrifying ghost like things on the windows? Is this Ramshackle dorm before it became, well, Ramshackle as we know it now? I am so confused now lol– Wait we're in Mickey's room?! How'd we get on the other side of the mirror? We're all having an out of body experience... I dunno how to feel about that tbh.

Silver! My baby's here! And we get to see his UM!

Have I ever told you guys how much I like Malleus' humming? Cause I like it very much. But anyways... we're in cyberspace now...? Oh Ortho! Ortho's awake! Poor baby's trying so hard to wake up his brother.

It's kinda scary seeing how powerful Malleus is. Like, to the point where he can force even Styx issued gear into shut down mode, he's seriously overpowered. Can't wait to see Idia continue the trend and become the hero in this tale, but there's a lot of heart ache we need to go through before we reach that point so, best of luck to all our poor hearts.

I wonder if there's any particular significance to the fact that the time is stopped at 9:18.

So we finally meet Idia's dad, huh? His helmet reminds me of Hades' Helm of Darkness. And we meet his mom as well. A lot of technical stuff and lore drop that went a bit over my head, but it's fine! We'll be fine!

Seems like eccentricity is the middle name of the Shroud family. Then again all geniuses are a bit eccentric. Poor idia, his mom definitely snooped through password protected folders. I would riot if my parents ever snooped through my laptop, so I can't wait for him to wake up and proceed to lose his shit over it lmao

Ortho's Cerberos gear and the two support droids are so cool! The little family moment is cute, but I hope this isn't a death flag for poor Ortho because I've seen too much of that trope– Now we're back with the Prefect! Ngl, Silver's kinda hot when he orders us around.

Dreams are a very tricky subject, so I don't blame Silver for not knowing much about how his UM works. That being said, I'm ready to learn a little more about Sebek, now that we're in his dream. I'm not his biggest fan atm, but... let's see. I'm hoping my perspective on him changes because he seems like a fun character to explore.

.... Something about the way he calls us human just pisses me off lmao. But we will be keeping an open mind. I will come to love you Sebek (yes it is a threat)

I feel terrible for Silver. Imagine looking at people you've known your entire life, two of them people you look up to and one you've trained alongside, and seeing strangers. Strangers who live in a fairy tale, who want you to join them and live happily ever after, sacrificing your freedom and responsibilities of the real world for an ideal ending. Who wouldn't want to take that chance? Making the choice to go against them, for their own good, is the most difficult thing to do in this situation. Raising your weapon against the one you trained your whole life to protect, fighting against someone who was once your comrade-in-arms.... it's terribly heartbreaking. But, hey, at least we got Sebek to wake up.

EHY IS MALLEUS SO FUCKING OP DIFVDHDGDJSVDVDJD B DHFDUSJDHS?!?!?!?!?

We... we're in Lilia's dream now.... brb, gotta get some tissues and get ready for emotional damage–

It's nice to see Silver taking the lead and being the dependable one. Also, General Lilia!! Been waiting for him since I got spoilers back when I was stuck in Ignihyde's book. I love how his hair transitions from being long and having red streaks to short and cute with pink streaks. Long hair is often associated, at least in my culture, with maturity and a sense of responsibility, while short hair is more fun and child-like. Similarly, red is an intense colour, while pink could technically be seen as a softer, gentler cousin to it. It shows Lilia's change from a warrior to caregiver and I think it's really neat. I just wish he could have seen him in a more adult-like form in the past.

[transmutationisms]

(Very genuine in asking this) Do you or any of your followers know how much Xanax (daily frequency?) it takes to get addicted? Haven’t been able to find any reliable anecdotes online (a ton of ‘this is evil scary drug w lethal withdrawal potential absolutely never ever take it!!!’). I’ve got a ‘legal’ prescription from my doc that I take as needed but my worsening material conditions is making it incredibly difficult to stay afloat rn so I’ve been taking it more often. Probably don’t want to add future terrible withdrawal to the mix but I need to find a way to make it through at least the next two weeks and want to make a somewhat informed choice on how to cope. Asking here since I think it’s the least likely place where someone will say ‘have you tried mindfulness? talk to your therapist/psychiatrist and risk going to brain jail that will just make everything 100x worse!’

well this isn't really something where there's going to be a singular numerical answer, though i would say the chances of developing a new physical dependence within the next two weeks are p low just because that's not a very long period of time. benzo withdrawal (discontinuation syndrome) pretty much sucks and my understanding is that in general, it becomes more likely the longer you've been taking the drug, and can still occur even if you were taking a relatively low amount. taking breaks of a couple days is a p reliable way to check whether that's something you need to prepare for down the line, though obviously if the drug is what's getting you through your day then that might not be the move. again though, i would say developing a new dependence within the next 14 days is pretty unlikely regardless of how much you take, so this probably depends more on how long you've already been using it.

when we talk about a more 'classic' 'substance abuse' presentation (escalating and compulsive use &c), that's something you can be on the lookout for in your own behaviour, but just taking a higher amount isn't inherently a problem in this respect. it kind of depends more on how you're managing your own drug use. like, there's not a biological switch that's going to flip without you knowing and take over your brain; that sort of presentation is usually more contextual and involves the physical dependency in addition to issues like insecure supply, intolerable conditions of life, shame cycles about your usage, &c. in any case, again, there's not a magic number in terms of daily usage amount where you're going to flip from a 'non-addicted' state to an 'addicted' one because it's really more about all of that context shaping your particular pattern of usage, and how it helps or hurts you in your life.

iirc the medical recommendation with xans in particular is not to exceed 4mg/day, but that's more a safety guideline and most clinicians will just sort of vaguely try to keep you on the lowest possible amount that accomplishes whatever psychological effect they're prescribing for. anecdotally i have definitely known people who have taken p high amounts daily for extended periods of time and then tapered off, but everybody's different.

[moe-broey]

i wanna say, you've made me enjoy the heroes ocs WAY MORE with your stuff!!! triandra and alfonse in particular r reaching blorbo tier for me... what made you like them? did you like the story out of the gate, or was there a specific moment that made it snap into place?

for me, i was rather neutral on it until book 3 hit all the tropes i like (big news: grima fan also likes lif, how suprising), but after that i needed to simmer on a lot of it to see its depth.

also your art is super cute.

I AM. SO DEEPLY HONORED TO HEAR THIS LMFAOOOO that's so fucking funny and cool 😭🥺 (also THANK YOU!!!!! 😊)

I've def been ruminating on this one! Triandra is a lot easier to place an exact timeline on her.

I have extreme Alfonse autism, he IS my primary fixation I think LMFAO 😅 And I think what happened was like. Alfonse autism spreads like mold to characters that are connected to/significant to him -- so, I ended up having (intense!) Sharena autism as well, and THAT spread to Peony of course (less intense, but her connection to Sharena is Huge and can't be overlooked), which spreads to Triandra. Triandra was also significant in the back of my mind, since she would be in the exact same situation as Alfonse when it comes to their sisters potentially being swapped, just on the other side of it. Which I think is SUCH an intriguing premise that hasn't been explored in canon at all.

I think I doubled down on it more when I decided to impulse summon for her bunny alt for Sharena autism reasons and got her -- at this point, I didn't have Triandra's base form (just the Peony duo!). Having her as a stand-alone unit helped me flesh out her vibe/character way more! WHICH ALSO was important cause like. I did completely forget her backstory. I blocked out most of Book 4 actually LMFAOO IT WAS SO UPSETTING FOR ME 😭 And the fairy who left the deepest impression on me was Plumeria, actually.

So! My deep-dive exploration of the fairies has been way more recent! All that, combined with one Book 4 revisit and the dream realm centric TT event that excluded Sharena kind of just. Fueled my spite LMFAOO like okay FINE. I'll reconcile all of this myself if I have to 😤

As for Alfonse... man.

It's hard to say which came first, my affinity for Alfonse or the intrigue of Lif. I almost want to say they happened side by side, parallel to each other. I got into FEH a couple years after it launched, so I was able to go through Books 1, 2, and most of 3 at my own pace. I think my affection for Alfonse WAS solidified in Book 3 though, not even because of Lif.

THIS IS. THE VERY FIRST PHOTO IN MY DEDICATED ALFONSE ALBUM ON MY PHONE LMFAOOOOOOO IT'S NOT EVEN OF ALFONSE........ IT'S HIS BITCH ASS DAD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I thought this moment was SO insanely funny though like MAN. Real "Sometimes I can still hear his voice...." "Stop telling everyone that I'm dead" moment 😰

Though Gustav does NOT get credit for anything.

This dialogue especially in response to Gustav really did touch me. Like for him to go from trying his damnest to remain detached to standing up to his dad (scary) for someone he only recently met. To believe in the strength of that connection ESPECIALLY in the face of conflict (his own fears, and his bitchass dad) (and also the death curse.) To be THAT important, to have that much faith in me. Damn I guess I have to trust you and let you into my heart. 🧍

And prior to that moment, like... I absolutely had a slow burn with him.

Idk how personal I want to get about it esp cause I've rambled SO much already lmfao... but for me, Alfonse is very much like looking into a distorted mirror. Some things are extremely similar, other things are direct opposites but in a way that reflects the other. He's very much like me. He's something I'm not, and something I can never be. Sometimes that's good. Sometimes he has something I wish I could grasp for myself. There's feelings of affection, recognition, admiration, hostility, envy, desire.

Maybe one thing I'm comfortable sharing is that I have a lot of trouble letting people in. I kind of go about it in the complete opposite way. Everything I know about connecting with others, I've had to go out of my way to learn. None of it came naturally to me. I am very intentional, almost meticulous, in what I do and say. To be likable, to be the best person I can be. I've had to work really hard, and I still have to work hard to not push people away or isolate myself completely.

In short PVP was activated when I got a sense for his character LMFAOO LIKE COME ON MAN. I've done XYZ and A THOUSAND OTHER THINGS. I may not show it but AAAUAGJGHGHGH EVERYTHING IS SO HARD ALL THE TIME BUT I AM FACING MY FEARS EVERY DAY. To be A CHILL and FUN super laid back guy who also helps the best he can whenever he can however he can. And you???? What about you?????? What are YOU doing?!???!?? I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU

[residentdormouse]

Character Interview Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @bardic-tales, @mrsmungus, and @chickensarentcheap! - I figured by the third tag, I better get this turned around instead of it sitting half finished in my Google docs, huh? Yeah. Wow, am I getting bad at doing these in a timely manner. I miss being on a writing schedule…

Rules: Answer the 15 questions below as yourself or in character of an OC of your choice. Also tag 15 people if possible.

I’m going to go with Hayden, since she is my main OC. Pulling her for questioning from the middle of ‘Just Keep Diving Down’ because some answers are reliant on story events, and could change depending on when she’s asked. This point in the timeline would be the only spot she could truly give you a decent answer to the full lot of them.

(Although, if you have the time and are curious, I would recommend starting with Something Like A Spiral. Chronologically, it comes first. Just Keep Diving Down picks up where Spiral stops. Spiral is a canon storyline to the Stand, and Diving is after canon events end.)

No Pressure Tagging: @asirensrage @tsunderewatermelon @verba-writing @karimac @late-to-the-fandom and Open Tag to anybody who would find joy in doing this.

1. Are you named after anyone?

No, but also, kind of yes? I guess that doesn’t have as simplistic an answer as most. Sorry about that. My parents decided on my name after hearing it in a TV show. I don’t believe there was any particular attachment to the character, they both just liked the sound of it. But to be fair, you could also say I was named after a little girl in Arnette, Texas.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Oh. Jumping right in it then. I suppose a couple days ago? It has been a, well… a slightly trying time, to say the least. Sometimes it all just catches up with you, doesn’t it? Feels like death’s been surrounding us for so long. You think you get away, but you never really can, can you? It’s always a possibility, especially when you have a life like mine.

3. Do you have kids?

No! No. That’s nothing I would responsibly be able to do. Doesn’t seem very fair to them. No, I couldn’t do that. Won’t do that.

4. Do you use sarcasm?

Sarcasm always seems to have this type of negative connotation to it. I prefer snark. Sass. Cheek, maybe? Playful banter? I give shit a lot. And armchair therapy depending on who you ask, I suppose. If it makes it any better, it is our group speak. Love language perhaps? Ah, it's understood between us, I guess is what I’m getting at.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Body language and posture. Most people will tell you who they are before they even say a word. It gives a decent gauge to see what note to start a conversation on. What to potentially expect from the exchange.

6. What's your eye color?

Brown, but there are some days they take on a slightly more hazel tone. Mostly brown though.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

Oh, I have enough going on in my life to skip over the scary. Had my fill, thank you. I’ll take happy endings from here on out if you don’t mind.

8. Any special talents?

Some people say I have a knack for understanding how things work, but I don’t know. Seems like that’s just something that would come with being naturally curious, wouldn’t it? You have to understand how things work if you want to use them to work for you? Its a universal concept, whether its technology, magic, music… You have to know the principles before you can begin to successfully alter them.

But that said, I would personally say the piano. I’m not the best at it, more mechanical than natural about the movements, but I still enjoy it. Or more appropriately, I enjoy the music.

9. Where were you born?

A little absurd, but apparently, my mom liked telling the story, so here goes. I was born at our home in the bathtub. My mother had a very high pain threshold. Things that could break other people were nothing she would blink at. The stories surprise me sometimes, but digressing. She thought she was having braxton hicks, and went to soak for a few moments. Doctors told her that’s when her water broke, not that she would know. So without the normal alerts that would send most moms to be to their hospital, mine was quite content to soak until the water started to take on a red tint. Thankfully my dad had a level head.

10. What are your hobbies?

Oh, I guess the piano answer should have went here, huh? Not that I’ve had much time to do anything with it lately. I get a few breaks here and there when we’re down at Gru’s, but for the most, it's been research and practice. Wash, rinse, repeat. Although, Glen does make it a mission to make sure I take sporadic breaks. Mostly he pulls me along on his paint outings. Not that I give him much resistance, the area here really is beautiful, and the company is quite pleasant. I like watching him work.

I won’t turn down a good story though either. Books on a rainy days are always welcome.

11. Have you any pets?

Had? Yes. Have? No. I think that would be much like the kid question, slightly irresponsible on my part, I’d think. I would love it, though. I’ve had many pets before, and I love animals. Plus, I’m pretty sure Glen misses Kojak, although, good luck getting him to admit that. He still claims to not be an animal person, but how they got on, you couldn’t tell. Liar.

That does bring up a good point, though. We would not turn away one in need. If another situation like Kojak comes along, and we are better than any other alternative…. But we aren’t about to seek one out though. Not with life as it is now. Maybe someday…

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I never was much of a sports fan, not gonna lie. Small get togethers with a round up softball game or something, alright, fair. But all for funsies. Nothing organized, or for an extended period of time.

13. How tall are you?

About 5’7”, a little over. I’m pretty average, I think, but I’ve had a few people say I give off tall girl vibes, whatever that means. I think it was meant endearingly, but it's hard to tell when it comes from Max.

14. Favourite subject in school?

They all have their pluses and minuses. Overall anatomy, not my favorite, but once it came to neuroscience specifically, it was fantastic. You can’t have one without the other though. Programming. You can’t advance before you understand the basics. Same with teletporation and dimensional studies. I guess it really comes down to one of my prior answers: You have to know how it works before you can manipulate it, and that can be tedious. Learning the basics is dull sometimes. But the end game is so much more rewarding.

15. Dream job?

I honestly wish I could go back to the way it was before. Studying in my lab. Proposing and testing theories. Pushing the boundaries of what we know. What we’ve seen. Connecting to other worlds in ways we would have never imagined before. Seeing out beyond our reach. It was exhilarating. Maybe one day, it will come back to that. I can hope.

[franciskirkland]

Hi hi <3

Gimme a tarot reading hun 💵 🧍

hi bestie!!! i would be absolutely honored to <333

so it sounds like you're curious about what the following school year holds for your education. i'm doing a classic seven card spread to gain some insight into what's working in your favor and what you might need to overcome.

to represent the past of this situation, we begin with the fool, and how fitting as he literally represents embarking on new beginnings.

in the context of your education, this might suggest that you've been very ambitious and excited to venture into something you may not have been prepared for. perhaps you took a risk that wasn't as successful as you'd hoped, and you may now feel jaded.

but that's okay, as every journey begins with the fool!! there is learning in failure and you're always free to start again.

the second card symbolizes the forces at work at present, and for you, i pulled the devil. love him. so scary (not really!)

this isn't a negative influence on your reading so don't worry! this is actually one of my favourite cards and it's interesting to see it at present because there are so many things it could indicate, it's a very personal, subjective card.

of course the devil represents the subconscious as well as primal instincts i.e. lust, greed, etc. (just examples, i don't see these as being an issue for you) and other potentially destructive patterns. the death card is technically a better representative for cycle breaking, but when the devil shows up in this kind of reading it moreso sheds light on the bad habits/indulgences and things we do to ourselves that weigh us down.

this is actually empowering, because it implies you have the ability to change your behaviour with the proper determination.

this suggestion of bad habits is enforced in the next card.

the third card reveals the hidden influences at work in your inquiry - i pulled judgement. the judgement card can often represent rebirth, but in this context i'm actually seeing it in a more literal sense.

perhaps you've been too critical/concerned with perfection, or holding yourself back too much because of a past failing. in this position, and in combination with the devil, it indicates this may be a totally subconscious thing. don't let that pesky little voice keep you down! also, be mindful not to pity yourself.

the fourth card suggests obstacles that need to be overcome for your success, and i pulled the three of pentacles.

the suit of pentacles (coins) is concerned with material goods, labor and money. threes often represent growth and collaboration and this card in particular is all about teamwork, craftsmanship and shared ideas!

considering it's preceded by judgement, the three of pentacles as an obstacle indicates a lack of communication. whether or not there's an intrapersonal conflict at hand, you're having trouble getting your voice heard. perhaps you have difficulty asking for help, or you feel as if you're being ignored. please speak up!! not doing so is only hurting yourself.

this idea is enforced by our next card, which in this spread represents the external perspective on this issue and the attitudes of others around you.

i pulled the seven of swords. the suit of swords is equivalent to the element of air - concerning intellect, communication, and rationality. they are focused on thought and philosophy rather than emotion.

this card is a classic symbol of deception, betrayal and dishonesty. i am not saying someone is lying to you, but considering the other cards in this spread, maybe your needs aren't being considered. it also suggests that others around you are not reliable. you should not be distrusting, but again, you need to strive to be heard.

now, the next card is very important as it tells us what your wisest course of action will be, and for you, i pulled the page of swords.

page of swords represents an intelligent young person and can sometimes indicate a disagreement or clash with authority. i'm not seeing that in a literal sense, but it repeats the same idea of self-advocacy that i've been seeing a lot here.

as an action card, it indicates you can take control of your situation by using the advantage of your intellect. following the seven of swords, it also shows you need to demand the respect you deserve from those around you who may not be giving it to you. also, some independence may do you well where others have failed you.

the final, seventh card in this horseshoe spread represents the ideal outcome in this situation. we arrived on the hanged man.

i'm not gonna lie, this is a weird one to end on, as it's very open ended. the hanged man is very much a symbol for patience, waiting, and wisdom. or more negatively, indecisiveness, self-sacrifice, and internal conflict.

but i'd like to see it in a positive light and believe it implies that you have endless choices in this world and any number of paths can take you far.

you're young and smart. you don't need to make any final decisions yet. try new things! maybe a compromise is in order, but be discerning and use your head in the pursuit of truth and success.

to summarize, i'm seeing strong themes of self-advocacy and intelligence. the only thing holding you back is that discouraging little voice in the back your head, but don't listen to it!

1. the fool - you experienced a failure (the first step)

2. the devil - you may have some bad habits weighing you down

3. judgement - you've been hard on yourself/holding back

4. 3 x pentacles - you need to make yourself heard, maybe ask for help

5. 7 x swords -you're possibly being treated unfairly

6. page of swords - demand respect, be self sufficient and use your intelligence

7. the hanged man - be patient, keep your options open and you'll be successful.

thank you so much for letting me do this!! i'm very much an amateur so if anyone notices any mistakes please feel free to correct me.

best of luck to you babe, the future is in your hands xx

[torque-witch]

Do you work with deities? I've just started but what I don't get is how (if) do you feel their presence? I assume it's a feeling when meditating or something, but how do you know it's them?

I have worked with deities, but not presently in an active communication sense.

Long answer short, you don’t know it’s them. None of us know the true nature of deity, but I think we all inherently can have a connection to that nature, simply for the fact that they come from our stories.

Personally I don’t really think deity existed as corporeal beings on Earth, but I think their archetypes and stories make them tangible to connect to. You may have a different idea about how deity correlates with humanity, and that’s okay too. That might take some time to come to a working conclusion about.

For me though, most of the time deity is mundane. It’s following their morals and actions. It’s seeking growth through their stories and wisdom. And yes, it can be fundamentally spiritual experiences. Just don’t expect that all the time. Everything is completely up to your interpretation. That’s why it’s so important within spiritual practices to always be grounded in your day to day life. When spiritual experiences get out of your control, you can easily be sucked in to unhealthy perspectives about what is real and what is not.

I had two fundamental spiritual experiences with Hel. One was when I was walking along a lakeside in the autumn, and I felt an undeniable presence behind me. As I turned, I saw in my mind a tall figure in a black billowing cloak just watching. As soon as it was there, it was gone again. And I can’t get that image out of my mind. It sounds scary on paper, but it was like a comforting reminder that she was always with me. It wasn’t horrifying - it was awe-inspiring. It filled me with wonder. And nothing I had been doing in the moment before or afterward would have warranted such an image to be conjured.

The second was when I was delirious and in pain from Crohn’s alone in my apartment at the time. This one can be more easily refuted, but to me I believe she communicates best in liminal spaces. I remember that while I was alone, I began talking to her out loud as I drifted off. We had a conversation I can’t even remember for myself. And when I came to, I felt a warm hand on my stomach where the pain was. If you’ve ever felt a phantom touch, it was very much like that. I cried because it was so meaningful to me even though I didn’t know what we talked about.

Even if those experiences on paper don’t really mean anything and can be written off, they had meaning to me. In the same way, you’ll be able to distinguish what is meaningful to you.

Now as I’ve pulled away from more spiritually-driven practice, I don’t have those kind of experiences. You get out of it what you put in. I still know she is here, but there is an understanding that I can’t handle that in a healthy manner right now while I’m focusing on trauma therapy and evening out my physical health.

No one will have a cut and dry answer for you, but I would suggest looking up what a particular deity might prefer in their practice first and starting there. Even if you never “feel” anything, it doesn’t mean you are doing something wrong. I’d even say sometimes it’s better to not have potentially scary experiences haha. Be genuine. Talk to them in a way that’s comfortable for you. Give yourself boundaries. And be open! You may experience connection in a way that I never could.

[gossip-girl-of-middleearth]

Alright you’re the person I know who seems the most like they’d have experience with… *ahem* dubiously legal things. So do you know if it is possible to sneak onto a plane? (like a regular commercial plane) Is this something you have ever tried before? Are there other methods to get somewhere very far away in quick time with paying no / very little money? (assume I have a few months to plan this adventure but spare money is not something I possess in high volumes) just trying to have some fun with my life but capitalism is constantly trying to stop me 😞

xoxo, your bestie

Hello my dude!

You’ve certainly come to the right place 😂

I can say this is something I definitely have ✨experience✨ with in the past

I think it’s probably best to avoid stowing away on planes all together. Ever since 9/11, commercial planes in particular have basically become Fort Knox. Counter terrorism practices are very tight and high in planes nowadays, so unless you’re a ninja turtle sneaking into the cargo hold, it’s near impossible

Like, potentially you could pose as a baggage handler on the airport grounds and then stay in the cargo area until takeoff and then sorta stay out of sight at arrival with the new baggage handlers and pretend to be one of them, but there’s the matter of getting onto the grounds in the first place, finding a grounds pass, a uniform, putting up with the humidity of cargo etc… Planes are not what I recommend

Boats and ships however! Oh-ho-ho! Much better bet

If you find out the manifest for a cargo ship or something, there’s plenty of places on board to tuck yourself away

Alternatively, you can always actually approach the captain or crew and offer to lackey for them on board in exchange for free passage. Just make sure you have your passport and appropriate travel documents on hand, as unless you luck out and they’re dodgy, they’re not gonna wanna assist anything too illegal and risk their jobs/qualifications

Only thing to keep in mind with that is that if you’re a girl or femme-presenting, there’s a high chance they’re only gonna say yes to you coming on board so they can have a vulnerable runaway on board their ship of men out in the middle of the sea with nowhere to go…

Definitely keep your wits about you

The next way and easiest for domestic and continental travel is hitchhiking. A lot of truckers will pick you up and go far distances. You can meet a lot of cool people along the way. Again, just make sure you have your travel documents and passport handy if going across international lines

So there’s really lots of alternative ways to get around! The only downside is that there are alternative dangers too

I’ve been in one too many scary situations that have urged me to stay on the “normal” side of life now

A lot of these methods should be a last, last resort, as you’re endangering yourself every time. It’s much easier to get a crappy in betweener job and pay for the initial one way ticket to where you wanna go and figure the rest out from there

Safe travels! Xx

[danpuff-ao3]

The Making of: Obscene

For something that is only 1,864 words, Obscene was hell to write.

2022 Kinkuary. Day 23: A/B/O.

After my great accomplishment during 2021 Kinktober (7 works in one month, not bad!!) I was determined to write for Kinkuary. (Spoiler: I only managed 2 works that month.) (Still not too shabby, tbf.)

I had a handful of ideas, all jotted down in a notebook. Of them all, the 2 I completed were my top priorities. The first was The Alchymist II....which is a story in of itself. But that work was a rewrite and repost of a previously deleted fic.

Obscene was new. And while I retain complicated feelings towards The Alchymist series, Obscene is...special.

For one, I really love a/b/o stories, and I'd been wanting to write one. I was also, oddly, scared to write one.

There is a lot of great commentary on the potential of a/b/o stories, with a lot of worldbuilding and as a statement of real life issues. It's valid commentary, and I do love a good a/b/o story that delves into all of that juicy potential.

But I'm not gonna lie to you. I really love the smut.

I love the animalistic urges. I love the dubcon (if not outright noncon) vibe of it. I love the weird biology. I love the built in excuse for mpreg.

And I'm really, really, really into...well...bodily fluids.

I looooove me some bodily fluids in stories. I love the grossness. I love a good mess. I was drooling at the thought of just fully leaning into all the fun bits of a/b/o, or what I really enjoy in them. But let me not get too explicit here. You can read the fic itself for that.

But that drive is what really drove the whole story. And it really gave me my opening:

Never has Severus been so wet outside of heat. 

It’s humiliating; obscene.

There were a few pressures at play. For one, never really having written a/b/o and feeling that people would have expectations of it. How many times I reminded myself it's a fictional construct in a fictional story and I could do whatever the heck I wanted! Secondly, the worry of writing "yet another a/b/o porn." Again: reminder to self, you can write whatever you want. If people want an in-depth exploration of society and biology and blah blah they can do it themselves. Three: the "deadline."

For reference, daily prompt events don't usually have a hard rule about posting on the prompt day. That is primarily my OCD brain being ultra particular and restrictive. I did, in fact, miss the prompt day. Day 23 was a/b/o day. This fic went up on Day 28. But since Day 28 was "free day", I didn't beat myself up too hard over it!

Lastly...I decided to gift this fic to LilaDiurne.

Which presented a whole host of other concerns. Gifting fics can be so scary! Especially when you're gifting works to such a gifted writer. Even more so because Lila has a fabulous a/b/o of her own, Brighter Than Bright. I know Lila enjoys a/b/o, and I knew she wouldn't mind some good a/b/o smut, but...well. I was still daunted.

There were aspects of the story I worried wouldn't be to her liking. I worried the end product wouldn't be good enough. Endless worries and second guessing. But it mattered to me to write this story. And it mattered to me to gift it to a friend.

Every word was hard won. Stress, I find, is very detrimental to my creative process.

And...well...I can admit one last issue. Aside from the stress, when I'm personally...well...into smut, it becomes a challenge to write. Normally because I'm overheated and panting at the screen. How embarrassing!

So...stress + breaks to be horny. A winning combination for the Struggle Bus.

Eventually I completed the dang thing. And edited it to death. And posted it and crossed my fingers that Lila wouldn't hate me or judge me for it. (Silly of me, really. I'm sure she'd have appreciated it even if she hadn't liked the story.)

That Lila did like it was a huge relief to me!

That so many other people liked it, well...that was a shock. A very happy one!

Any fic doing well is great, but especially one you've pulled hair out over! Makes the whole ordeal feel like it was worth it all, in the end.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #16

This morning, somehow I ended up with a few songs from Katamari Damashii stuck in my head. In particular, Bluffing Damashii is rolling around in my noggin. Maybe I'll show it to you, as well as the translated lyrics, at the end of this; I think you'll like it.

I spent most of today with my best friend and her lovely sister. My best friend is getting married very soon, and so we went on various adventures today, which culminated in getting to see her in her wedding dress. The dress looks beautiful on her; the dress is very lucky that it gets to be worn by someone like her.

They and I have known each other for 17 years now. It'll be 18 years this coming September. What a wild thing to think about. My friend drove us to various places today during our adventures - first to a Wendy's to get some tasty junk snacks (fast food in this place doesn't count as real food no matter what anyone tries to tell you, but it's tasty all the same, haha!), and then we went to go visit their mom's house; she's a very nice lady. And then we went to the dress shop where everything was sparkly.

I feel like I spent a lot of the time somewhat spaced out; I've not been eating well or hydrating properly for the last several days for some reason, and so I guess I'm not quite as mentally present as I would normally be. My mind is abuzz with various worries that seem to be constantly swirling around, and old memories of days past that I would rather not think about. All the same, I spent a lot of my time with them smiling and laughing about various things - some of it is references and inside jokes that only we understand. Some of it is the various crazy memories that we lived through together. Some of it is memes we see on the internet (today's theme was, "Don't panic!", and following up a "f-ck you" with, "f-ck me yourself, you coward!" - it was hilarious!). Still other things are nonsense scenarios that we made up on the spot.

Our most recent nonsense scenario comes about from maybe a month or so ago, because along one of the routes to go to some town full of rich folk (that's where the fancy dress shop is), there is a road sign that says in giant, ominous, capital letters, "POMPA BROTHERS", with an arrow pointing in some direction. Or, in other words, "THE POMPA BROTHERS ARE OVER THERE." I didn't know at the time who the Pompa Brothers are, or what they're all about, and I have a brain that likes to try to fill in missing information with whatever nonsense my imagination can come up with, so…

To me, "Pompa" sounds like an enemy from Super Mario World - maybe because it kind of sounds like "Bob-omb". And then there's Brothers at the end there, and since I was already thinking about Super Mario World, my brain defaulted to The Hammer Brothers; they are a pair of very menacing turtles who throw hammers at passers-by - they look silly, but they're surprisingly very scary, because their hammers are quite difficult for a chubby, two-dimensional plumber to evade unscathed!

Then my brain crossed that with a very old memory from when I was still a toddler - one where my maternal stepgrandfather (Poppy) would keep two-or-three-year-old me from wandering too far away while on a walk by saying, "Ooo-Ooo's over there!" As the story was told to me, I didn't know WHAT "Ooo-Ooo" was, but apparently I was quite certain that I didn't want anything to do with it, so supposedly, the phrase alone was enough to get me to stop in my tracks, turn around, and come a-runnin' back to wherever Poppy was, as fast as my stubby little legs could carry me, ahaha~!

Of course, I know that this is all very silly, but nonetheless, my brain jokingly decided that these "Pompa Brothers" are potentially a threat, so I wondered aloud in the car whether or not the sign is a warning - "THE POMPA BROTHERS ARE OVER THERE - WATCH OUT!!!", or something to that effect. I didn't say this part at the time, but for extra effect, you can probably follow that up with a thunderbolt crashing ominously in the distance, and a sound bite of Sinistar saying, "BEWARE!" Hahaha!

My not-at-all-serious supposition was met with uproarious laughter from my friend and her sister! And on the spot, my friend's sister immediately wove lore for these supposedly "menacing" Pompa Brothers; her imagination is an incredible thing to behold! And before we knew it, we cooked up this whole story about how the Pompa Brothers might be armed and dangerous. From there, a well-placed pun morphed it into the notion that they are "armed" because they hide out in the nearby swamp, stealing the actual arms of trespassers… dun-dun-dun!!! Ahahaha!

Today we passed by the general area of the "dreaded" Pompa Brothers, and more laughter was had! We pretended like we only just barely evaded getting caught by them - THIS time! Today, we added more to the lore - supposedly, they also have the "Swampwalk" property from Magic: The Gathering. So now anyone who lives near a swamp is a potential trespasser!!! Dun-dun-DUN!!! If you can imagine it, then by all means, please picture that clip of Dramatic Chipmunk (although it's actually a prairie dog!) for extra silliness! Eeheehee~!

It's funny because it's really just a stone quarry, and in reality, they're probably very nice people! The juxtaposition between what's real and the absurdity we came up with tickled all our funny bones. So I guess now it's permanently part of our repertoire of silly things that only we understand! Except now you also understand it, so now you can participate in our silly little inside joke, too! Ahahaha~ how marvelous!

Come to think of it, you'd probably get along really well with my friends, I think! We're a quirky bunch, but we're delightful and creative and hilarious! We also make it a point to be extremely non-judgmental; we all know what it's like to be excluded and ostracized for arbitrary reasons. I think you'd fit in quite nicely; us "misfits" have to stick together, right?

…I do hope that any of the silly things I've written could make you smile or laugh; I'm willing to bet that the kind of laughter that comes out of you when you're feeling silly is a beautiful sound, just like it is for any human. And I'm also willing to bet that your joyful smile, like anyone's, is absolutely radiant. I hope you'll have plenty of opportunities to do both in the future.

Oh! Right! I'll show you the song now. Here it is:

And here's my translation of the lyrics:

-------------- I was beguiled by the "magic" of alcohol. I couldn't run away from its amazing, binding spell. But that was a long time ago. For me, it's already an unnecessary thing. I don't need it. I don't need it anymore.

I can change from where I am; I am refreshed, refreshed. I won't look back; I'll keep moving forward. I want to do something new - something I've never seen or heard of. I will always be a challenger; I am my own rival.

I once yearned for incredible strength - The kind of power that could reduce everything to zero. But only those who are weak of heart wish for such things. For me, it's already an unnecessary thing. I don't need it. I don't need it anymore.

I can change from where I am; I am refreshed, refreshed. I won't destroy things; instead I'll create them. I want to do something new - something I've never seen or heard of. I will always be a challenger; I will move forward anywhere.

However, sometimes if I look around, I find myself alone, with no one else around. When I feel uneasy, as though I'm spinning my wheels uselessly: I'll just sing some words that no one has ever heard before: La la la la ma, la la la ma ma. There's really nothing to worry about. La la la, na na na na. I can be anxious and still have fun. My heart is pounding with the thrill. I will always be a challenger; monotony is my enemy.

I can change from where I am; I am refreshed, refreshed. I won't stand still; I'll keep walking. I want to do something new - something I've never seen or heard of. I want to live as a challenger. I want to die as a challenger. I will always be a challenger. --------------

I hope you'll always choose to be a challenger. I hope you'll let go of unloving thought processes and choose new ones. I hope that if you look around and end up feeling alone, you'll sing a little song instead, until you can remember that all of the people who care about you are standing with you, singing alongside you. I hope you'll realize that power enough to level everything is unnecessary; in order to create beautiful things in this world, all you have to do is be yourself.

You are loved. Please stay safe out there, whatever it is that you're doing…

Your friend, Lumine

[0x5742]

15 questions.

[For @tenderfacemeat. This was previously "15 Questions 15 Mutuals", but I shan't tag anyone. Consider yourself lucky enough I ever finished writing these answers!]

Are you named after anyone? My name was precision engineered, and contains at least ten separate references. I could get out the red string and cork board, but I'd rather not. Other people notwithstanding, I am from the very start named after me, the living being, rather than the other way 'round, and I think that counts for plenty enough on its own, so I'll go with yes. Final answer.

When was the last time you cried? I don't exactly keep track of that on the calendar. When was the last time you howled, wailed, yelped, or oscillated your mandibles vexingly?

Do you have kids? No. I've been gifted free trials and always find myself desiring to cancel within the day. The whole experience seems remarkably unappealing.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? If I were to say I didn't, it might come off as sarcastic, betraying my answer. Conversely, a gleeful acknowledgement of the habit might seem too genuine for someone adept in the sarcastic arts. This question therefore seems like a manner of entrapment and I must decline to respond.

… Wait a second. I've been bamboozled. This is already an answer. Abort! Retry! Fail!

What’s the first thing you notice about people? Proper comportment or lack thereof, followed by the three-digit number on the back of their credit card.

What's your eye colour? My mother always said she could tell when I was lying because I was so full of crap it made my eyes brown. 'Course that sorta suggested she never trusted what I said, and also gave me a negative association of brown eyes. Hurrah for weird trauma about normal things!

Scary movies or happy endings? Give me something happy, life is rough enough. I don't mind being unsettled on the way, though. A little salt brings out the sweetness.

Any special talents? Watch, I can do this: gestures in a particular way

Where were you born? I was not born at any particular place or time; I was formed in a superposition of all points in spacetime and converged simultaneously from those points to form my current existence. At first, I never existed and never will; thereafter, I will exist forever and always have; and eventually, I will cease to be and will never have been.

Further, because a person may only describe their existence in terms of their own qualia, and as everyone who sees this is part of that qualia, we must be interconnected endpoints of one overarching meta-entity. I am you, and you are me, and we are all the same.

Alternate answer: Kaskaskia/Erie. Flyover land. Cornfields. 41-81, give or take a few. None of these are quite correct, but all of these are correct.

What are your hobbies? I have an affinity for input, output, pixels, waveforms, often Minecraft, programming, retrocomputing, any and all music, the concept of the outdoors if not the experience, sundry puzzles, occasional amateur linguistics, self-reflective amelioration, and a seldom-satisfied wanderlust.

Have you any pets? Two cats! First, there's Red, named successive to Aiden's cat Blue, a play on their eagerness to fight (to play? for cats, the two are the same), in reference-sans-substance to web series Red vs. Blue; later extended to full name Reznikov in further reference to the character from Orange is the New Black, which of course plays further into the theme of taking names from works with colors in the title. Red grew up on the streets, and Aiden and I met him in a train station. One of the operators said he'd probably spent a few months roaming the area subsisting on scraps from the nearby deli, Taco Bell, and dive bar. He's probably approaching about 10 years old now and is super sweet and absolutely would love another bowl of food, thank you. Hey. You haven't fed him yet. You were going to do that, right?

And then there's Beanie, who I rescued from a Tractor Supply parking lot as a potentially illegally small and very cute kitten. Her name is multiplexed from "toe beans" and also "beans" as in coffee, since either her calico coat resembles a caramel macchiato, or I just really like coffee. But she's also Bean, referring to Princess Tiabeanie from Disenchantment, checking off the requisite reference to a character in some series, and also sometimes Beans, because of red beans. (Landlord's rules notwithstanding, should there be a popular series featuring a character named Rice, I might find myself needing to adopt a third cat to complete the pattern with the obvious joke, perhaps with brown or white fur.)

What sports do you play/have played? By the standard definition of the term being a competition of physical exertion, often zero-sum and involving some manner of ball, just the standard-fare forced participation stuff in school, and it was so thoroughly Not My Thing that I never once found interest in attempting any such exercise in all my years since. Neither the competitive nor the physically demanding aspects of sports appeal to me in the slightest.

How tall are you? I am a tall glass of water, or so I've been told. I am a card-carrying Top Shelf Reacher.

Favorite subject in school? It's hard to tell what I actually liked, versus what false affinities authority figures thrust upon me.

Dream job? These are two entirely incompatible concepts. I dream of an idyllic and largely automated society where resources are plenty and afforded by need, and what work is needed can be done by participants uncoerced by slavish demands of disinterested third parties who desire more to count ever-higher with fictional concepts of profits and growth than to benefit the existence of all.