#sorry about the repetitive posting on this issue but it has been really grating

[fluffyblue-multifandommess]

the worst part of this hypersomnia phase isn't even losing most of the day to sleep or the awful dehydration headaches, it's that no one will fucking believe that I haven't been going to bed later than usual.

i have been going to sleep at mostly consistent hours for 6+ months, and my body just decided a couple months ago that it requires more sleep than before, and that's why i've been sleeping in later and later.

but i guess the reality that someone's body and capabilities can suddenly take a dive through no fault of the person inhabiting that body just doesn't fit the narrative that sleeping disorders and many other disabilities are just self-inflicted in some way

[multifandomwritings]

How the slashers would react to s/o that loves Christmas and decorating. And maybe surprises them with a gift & how they would react to the gift?

Hope you like it!! ^^ Also I did another slasher/Christmas themed writing recently. I included the same characters from that one too, so sorry if it feels a little repetitive, I tried to include different details too. I didn't include the Sinclair brothers though since I'm doing a whole Christmas fic for them! (I also only included Pavi from the Repo characters this time lol)

How the slashers would react to their S/O loving Christmas/surprising them with a Christmas gift

Thomas Hewitt:

- As I said in another post recently, the Hewitts aren't really big on Christmas. They don't *not* celebrate, they just don't make it a big thing. No one (especially not Thomas -- he'd be supportive of anything you liked) would have an issue with you wanting to go all out for it, however, as it would have been a while since they had any real Christmas spirit around. You'd probably put everyone in a cheery mood for once, although no one would outright admit it

- Thomas is especially unfamiliar with all the traditions and such you'd want to do. Throughout the season, he'd be so grateful that he had you in his life! You'd brighten things up so much and make his world so much bigger, even in just small ways like that

- Has no expectations whatsoever so when you give him something for Christmas, he'll flush up, completely taken aback. Whatever it was, he'd love it so much, being sure to take good care of it and cherish it for ages! Especially loves something hand-made or personal like that, unable to stop thinking about how much thought you must've put into it

- Puts a lot of thought into whatever he'd give you too, so nervous when he actually gives it to you (avoids eye contact as his hands fidget nervously, occasionally glancing up to see if you like it, his ears burning the whole time) A blushing mess if you liked it, smiling in relief but tensing right back up if you thanked him with a hug

Brahms Heelshire:

- Honestly, I'm not really sure Brahms would share the sentiment. His parents probably had stuffy Christmases, usually just to keep up appearances, rather than out of any real liking for the holiday. They'd go through the motions almost every year, and each year, he found it more and more tiresome

- However, he might have a new found interest in the holiday if you actually liked it and made it spirited and fun. You'd go through all the same old traditions he already knew about, such as decorating a tree, and listening to Christmas music. But seeing you actually *enjoy* it would be different -- especially if you actively included him and wanted him to be a part of it

- Actually super sweet when the holiday itself rolls around. He'd do his best to make you your favorite food, or make you something handmade (alternatively even plays something for you on the piano) very eager to do something thoughtful for you since you made the season special for him

- And if you surprised him with a gift he'd be so touched, no matter what it was. He'd quickly get out of the habit of stealing your things (lmao to some extent) when you became close, so anything you gave him would be very cherished and special to him. Will be mulling over it happily for a while

Michael Myers:

- Michael Myers is mostly just amused at you most of the time. Whether you're decorating the house with too many lights, or dressed up in an ugly Christmas sweater, he's just endeared in his own way

- Surprisingly not opposed to going along with certain things. He isn't the most interactive or anything, but he'd be somewhat helpful and at least interested to see what sort of traditions you had/things you wanted to do together

- Helps you stir cookie dough as you bake, awkwardly stands on the opposite side of the tree as you wind lights around to help pass it back to you, etc. He's doing his best okay :')

- Genuinely surprised, for once, if you give him a gift at Christmas. While he'd be well aware of your love for the holiday, he wouldn't really expect anything like that. He isn't really the sentimental type, but whatever it was, he'd handle with much more gentleness than he normally would. Practical/small gifts would be better for him, and whatever it was, he'd either use or keep for ages. Really, really appreciates you for giving him the opportunity to experience things like that and see him as more than what everyone else does (wouldn't even really know he wanted anyone to until you came along!)

Jason Voorhees:

- First of all imagine how cozy Christmas would be in his little cabin? Like yes it's very small and shabby but like, clean it up a little and decorate it up and it would be so cute with a little homemade, naturey wreath on the front door and the tree visible from the window :')

- Speaking of, if he knew you were really into Christmas, he'd either surprise you by finding a little tree out in the woods or would invite you to come along with him (especially if it was all snowy asldkfj) to help him find one

- Would love seeing you excited and enthusiastic about anything, Christmas decorating/the holidays in general are no exception. You'd make him feel all warm by doing things like that and wanting to celebrate with him, even making his little cabin all festive and pretty

- You can tell he's blushing even with the mask when you give him his Christmas gift. He'd be so appreciative even without opening it, since you made it/got it for him at all. Cute and smiling, even if you couldn't tell much

Bubba Sawyer:

- Bubba is always happy to humor you and whatever you're interested in, so he'd go along with whatever you liked at the holiday season. Genuinely enjoys all the traditions, many of which he'd never have done before

- Cute and helpful! Happily helps decorate everything all prettily, crafting new decorations with things he finds outside. Also really cute and festive cookie baking/decorating time together :')

- So happy when you give him a gift, he'd pull you into a hug to thank you even before he saw what it was. No matter what he'd love it, knowing how much thought you would put into it and since it's from you at all!

- A genuinely sweet and thoughtful gift-giver, probably giving something hand-made and personalized. A blushing, shy mess when he gives it to you, unable to stop smiling if you like it

Chop Top Sawyer:

- Won't really get too into it on his own but if you mention you're into it, he'll go along with it for your sake. If you want to decorate everything up from top to bottom, that's fine by him! Will help you too

- ...Although he'd end up being more of a distraction than actually helpful, and would somehow manage to end up decorating himself more than anything else lol. But he'd look cute :')

- Late night drives to look at Christmas lights while you listen to old Christmas songs together! Of course his own favorite Christmas songs are super random and obscure but he'd be happy to listen to all the basic ones too if that's what you liked

- Would love a music-related gift for Christmas, or something handmade/thoughtful to him (so probably something unique, colorful, etc.) No matter what though would get all excited and enthusiastic about it

Nubbins Sawyer:

- Cutie x-x would always be happy to go along with whatever you were into and what made you happy. So if that means drowning the old farm house in Christmas lights, so be it! (Not really because Drayton would complain but...at least you can inside lol)

- Idk, little activities like putting together gingerbread houses or stringing lights around the tree together :')) Smiling the whole time, would love doing these kinds of things with you and getting a smile out of you

- Would spend ages coming up with the right gift for you, although of course, his options would be pretty limited. Chances are he'd make something unique and thoughtful to you from things he found

- And he'd be a smiling mess when you gave him something, no matter what it was. Anytime he sees it it would put him in a good mood (Would especially like something he can wear, like jewelry, or something handmade like a hat or something? Would have it on constantly. But he'd like anything really)

Beetlejuice:

- Will tease your enthusiasm about the holiday, while getting into it himself, especially seeing how much you enjoy it. Like yes, he'll gripe about the same old Christmas songs playing over and over (and a million other things) but he'll do so in an ugly Christmas sweater (shh 👀)

- When you ask if he wants to help you decorate, he'll go along with it, but not helpful at all lol just distracts you with jokes, flirting, and typical antics. And will later go on about how nice it looks and what a good job you both did (even though it was just you)

- He'd love domestic, simple stuff like this admittedly. Decorating, celebrating, baking together (aka him just eating stuff while watching you bake I'm sorry asdfjkl) and just enjoying the holiday season?? The fact that you'd want that with him would make him smile endlessly

- Honestly he won't not expect something for Christmas, especially knowing how much you're into it, but when you actually give him something he isn't as smug/unaffected as he'd like to be -- especially if it's something genuinely thoughtful. Typical Beetlejuice behavior from him but like...Soft and grateful version lol

Candyman (Daniel Robitaille):

- Honestly he's just surprised at himself and at his situation when the holidays roll around and you're bringing him into all your holiday-themed antics. Like...he's a powerful, ghostly entity? And yet, here he is helping you place ornaments on the tree 👀

- Not that he's complaining. He's a romantic and very loving/adoring, so seeing you happy about anything at all will make him happy. If you're all smiley and enthusiastic about the season, he'll just smile at you contentedly, happy to have someone to let him experience that kind of thing

- Christmas with him would be more cozy/intimate. Loves how into it you get, and seeing how you decorate everything up. Lots of nights spent inside, looking out onto the snow and him going along with (distracting you from, though who's complaining) whatever holiday activity you're trying to get into

- A Christmas gift from him would be more of a grand, romantic gesture than something tangible. Alternatively, something artistic! A painting or sketch of you. Would love anything you gave him, especially if it was something really meaningful between you both or like several of the others, something you made by hand (or created somehow)

Pavi Largo:

- Pavi's family probably has dysfunctional, mostly uneventful and insincere celebrations for the sake of keeping up appearances (if they celebrate at all). He isn't against the holiday or anything, just doesn't really see why you'd like it! (Simply coming from his experience, all he knows is chaotic holidays)

- That having been said, he'd mostly be curious as to see what you were so excited about, and wouldn't be at all upset to have an excuse to forgo any family-related obligations. So :^)

- Honestly pretty easily convinced, just because he'd like seeing you all excited and festive. Completely unhelpful when it comes to decorations but generally cute and gets into it for your sake

- You wouldn't think, all things considered, Pavi would be easily impressed with gifts or anything. That having been said, if it came from an S/O or someone he cared about, it'd be another story! Would be so over-exaggerated with his reaction, loving whatever you gave him. Of course he'd shower you with gifts throughout the whole holiday season (and in general tbh) as well!

Billy Lenz:

- Christmas with Billy can be kind of a stressful/chaotic time actually but if spent with someone who he cared for/cared for him, I think it might be a little better

- He wouldn't easily show it, but as with many of the slashers, it would take him a while to get used to someone actually wanting him to be involved in things like this. Almost gets overwhelmed sometimes at it, just popping off to the attic for a while to process. He'd enjoy it but he'd also be a little mystified by you

- Likes being 'helpful' when you decorate (aka watching you decorate as he follows you around, and *maybe* helps you here and there) but would like activities better like just watching Christmas movies together or even baking/decorating cookies. Eats everything while you bake together though lol

- Genuinely won't be expecting a Christmas gift! :^) (a lie) So when you give him one he'll be like aww shucks, you shouldn't have... >:)) (all while ripping into it to see what it is) But would genuinely love anything you gave him! You could give him a rock and he'd just stare at it in awe and love it since it came from you

Asa Emory (The Collector):

- Don't even ask me why but I get basic vibes from Asa (which is weird, all things considered, because he's anything but, but I think he'd want to appear that way to some extent at least) so I feel like he'd do all the basic Christmas stuff. He might not get into it much (or really any holiday) but y'know, it doesn't hurt to keep up appearances!

- So if you're into Christmas then even better! He won't mind going all out and will willingly invite you to help him decorate up his generic little house :') (Like Christmas tree by the main window, wreath on the door, all that!)

- Probably expects a gift honestly but pleased when you give him one, and will cherish it in his own way (Please get him something bug-related 🥺 A bug tree ornament! Or something! He'd love it so much)

- A pretty good gift giver in his own way. Although sometimes his gifts feel a little impersonal (or alternatively, too personal) he's *expensive* and gets you something fancy

Otis Driftwood:

- You might not really expect Otis and his family to get into Christmas but they would, in their own ways (Maybe not Otis himself though, but his family might a bit)

- If you liked it he'd probably go along with whatever you wanted, to some extent (albeit begrudgingly) especially seeing your interactions with his family. Wouldn't take part in it too much but he'd attempt to help here and there, and you wouldn't be able to help smiling at the sight of his grumpy self decorating the Christmas tree with like, idk, doll heads or something

- Gift exchanges with him and his family are unique, to say the least. However, he really would appreciate whatever you gave him and his usual grumpiness would disappear at least for the time being (until his family teases him for being soft for you, in which case, grumpy again)

- Especially would like something handmade (be it art, music, baking, literally anything) He'd love knowing you took the time to create something with him in mind

Charles Lee Ray:

- Will barely acknowledge the holiday until you mention you like it. He wouldn't complain (he would a little) about anything you wanted to do but he wouldn't take part in it too much, or so he would say 👀

- No, I'm NAHT gonna help yOU DECORate the fuckin' /TREE/ (helps you decorate the tree)

- Admittedly likes seeing you all happy and enthusiastic, and he isn't really against some of the aspects of the holiday. Cookies, presents...Not to mention, it can be a pretty chaotic time of year, which is kind of his brand :^)

- Will love whatever you give him as a gift and since it's your favorite time of year, he'll attempt to be all nice and sweet about it (to the best of his ability, anyway...) Will give you something in return and it will either be: beyond random and impersonal, or surprisingly thoughtful (so proud of himself if it's the latter lol)

Tiffany Valentine:

- She'd love this sort of thing! Domestic, simple things you could enjoy together. She wouldn't usually go all out on her own, not because she didn't want to, but because there would really be any reason/opportunity to. She'd love having someone to go all out with 🥺

- Chaotic Christmas decorating time! You both make a complete mess trying to decorate everything up (and probably bicker as you both get frustrated about halfway through) but in the end, your house is the prettiest around of course

- She adores doing all the basic traditions together. Be it wearing overly-festive, probably matching/coordinating outfits (plz, she'd melt at this) or baking together, she wouldn't be able to quit smiling and exchanging happy looks with you

- So excited to see whatever you gave her for Christmas. She has high expectations, Y/N 👀 (Not really lol she'd actually be pleasantly surprised that you got her anything at all, smiling all bright as she excitedly opened it. Would love it no matter what it was! And of course, she'd spoil you with gifts throughout the whole season as well)

Josef (Creep):

- Not too big on Christmas usually himself, but he's pretty willing to give new things a try. Mostly he just never really celebrated it much, there wasn't opportunity really and he didn't have anyone to get into it with

- Soon finds he loves it too though! Everything is such an emotional thing for him. Even something as simple as decorating a tree or going shopping for decorations will be a big thing, although he might not show it. He's pretty mystified as to how he even got so far in a relationship with you to be doing such simple, domestic things together, but he definitely wouldn't have any complaints

- Loves your enthusiasm for it, it would encourage him which would in turn make you even more excited. You'd hype each other up over the festivities and probably end up going all out lol

- Very touched at whatever you give him, he's very sentimental in his own way and he'd love it. Would spend ages picking out or making the perfect gift for you too (it would probably be something either matching or something like, with both your initials carved into it or something like that)

[shysneeze]

i’m in love with you (george weasley x fem!reader)

I’m in Love With You 

Post War George Weasley x Fem!Reader

Request:  Okay idk if you’d be up to it but I’m currently obsessed w the song Please Notice by Christian Leave and so I was thinking a George weasley x reader fic inspired by/based off of/same kinda vibe imagine. Do you understand that lol I feel like I said it in a confusing way, crossing my fingers that you’re pickin up what I’m putting down. Lol ily bye. ~ anon

Warning: angsty (but fluff I promise this time), self-doubt etc...

Authors note: this is a cliché, but it’s one you can pry from my cold dead hands

.

George has never been a huge fan of silence, it’s not something he’s ever been used to, growing up in a house full of the constant noise of familial ruckus, and so weekends without Fred such as this are something that’s always made him feel ever so slightly uneasy, listening only to the repetitive patter of rain on the windows and static whirring of a record he’s gotten too distracted to flip spinning idly in the corner.

The creak of his bedroom door opening is a welcome sound, followed by the gentle shuffle of light footsteps along the corridor before she appears before him, a much healthier and warmer version of herself, nothing like the teary-eyed (Y/N) (Y/L/N) he pulled from his doorstep and out of the rain only ten minutes previous.

“Hey.” She gives a sheepish wave.  

Years as best friends should prepare him for the sight of her in his clothes, borrowed jumpers and stolen socks such a pivotal part of their friendship back in Hogwarts that he shouldn’t be startled by how gorgeous she looks in them, but he always  is.

“Hey.” He manages a kind smile. “Any warmer?”

The subtle drop of her gaze to the floor warns him that she’s about to tell him a white-lie and his eyes cling to the way her hands still tremble with the cold. Then, just as he’s predicted, she gives him an unconvincing ‘yep’.

It wasn’t how he was expecting his evening to go, he’d already surrender himself to an evening spent on the couch listening to his favourite songs when there was a knock on his door. The time and weather instantly led him to the assumption of bad news, and for all the outlandish theories and anxious assumptions he concocted on his way to the door, none involved his rain-soaked best friend shivering on his door step.

A sputtered apology was all she managed before he pulled her into his flat in a protective panic, fetching her a towel instantly and setting out a change of clothes with no request of an explanation for her visit, promising himself only to ask once he’s sure she doesn’t have hypothermia.

He’s still not one hundred percent on that part, giving her a knowing look as he crosses the space between them to push a cup of warm tea between her frozen fingers. Her shoulders slump in relief at the heat finding her hands, giving him a sheepish, but grateful smile.

“Now I’m warmer.” She assures honestly. “Thank you, Georgie.”

“Figured that might help.” He smiles gently. “Livingroom?”

She nods, mimicking his steps subconsciously as he follows him to from the kitchen to the sofa in the living room, pulling her knees up to her chest and cradling the mug on top of them as he takes a seat on the opposite end of the worn sofa with his legs stretched out across the cushions

She twiddles with the handle of her mug atop her knees, deep in thought as the room falls into silence. Silence with her is the only type George has ever found comforting, the reminder of afternoons spent in the Gryffindor common room, listening only the sound her flipping pages of her book and the crackling of the fire.

“Fred’s out?”

“A ‘couples weekend away’.” George nods. “Him and Angelina are somewhere up north for the anniversary of the first time they ate ice cream together or something daft like that.”

She chuckles softly, her smile summoning one similar to George’s lips. There is always a certain amount of pride in cheering her up, he’s realised, in bringing a smile to cheeks moments ago stained by tears.

“I’m happy for them though.” She adds softly, a sombre sound to her voice that has him on edge. “They’re a cute couple.”

“Insufferable at times.” George says. “But yes, cute.”

She exhales a quiet sigh, dropping her head tiredly to the cushion beside.

“I got stood up… again.”

He drops his shoulder in a display of sympathy, pushing down the initial aggressive protectiveness that dares him to ask for the name and address of the person stupid enough to ever hurt her. It’s clear from the forlorn look in her eyes that she needs someone to listen to her, not to avenge her.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” He says. “Whoever they were, they were an idiot.”

“Thanks, Georgie.” She says softly. “I just really needed a friend tonight so thank you.”

He tries to ignore how the word stings, ‘friend’. It’s a sting he’s been trying to ignore for years, it should be second nature by now, but it still stirs that feeling he hates, the one that makes him feel ungrateful, because being her friend should be enough.

He hates that it never has been.

It was what he assumed was a harmless crush at first, back at Hogwarts, one he was sure he would grow out of, no matter how many times Fred tried to tell him otherwise. Much to his dismay, Fred was right, and every year it got harder and harder to ignore, even after school.

By now, the word ‘crush’ doesn’t seem to cut it, too childish to possibly explain the irresistible torture that is his love for (Y/N) (Y/L/N). He’s not sure there is a word to describe such a feeling, the way it fills his heart with warmth but aches at the same time, an ache he’d happily experience forever just to be near her.

Now he pushes that sting deep down where he can barely notice it in order to deal with the issue at hand, the girl sat across from him with sad eyes and fallen smile.

“You can rant to me.” He assures. “I don’t mind.”

She takes a moment to give in to his offer encouraged by the sincerity in his warm brown eyes from across the sofa and the nudge to her feet from his. Biting her lip nervously and with a deep breath, she begins to explain.

“I’m not saying he was the love of my life or anything.” She disclaims. “It was only our second date, but it still hurt when he just... didn’t show up.”

“I can imagine.”

“I was just sat in that restaurant staring at the door waiting for this guy I knew deep down wasn’t going to show.” She explains. “He could have just called; told me he wasn’t interested, and it would have been less embarrassing.”

“Guys are idiots, Love.” George says. “Take it from a professional.”

She rolls her eyes lightly at the comment, ready to scold his self-deprecation when she seems to lose the momentum as quickly as she found it, instead sinking further back against the arm of the sofa with a huffed out breath.

“Is there something about me that people think doesn’t deserve an explanation?” Her voice wobbles. “Aren’t I worth that much?”

His heart breaks into what he’s sure are thousands of little pieces, his breath catching in his throat at the tears that spring to her eyes. He pulls his legs back and shuffles towards her end of the sofa as she hides her face behind her knees.

Gentle tugging the tea from her fingers, he places it on the coffee table before pushing her knees down, guiding her legs across his lap, squeezing her knee to urge her to look up and meet his eyes. She sniffles softly as she lifts her head, gulping at the softness in his warm brown eyes.

“You are worth so much more.” He explains. “I’m so sorry they made you feel like you weren’t.”

“I guess I just feel… unlovable.” She confesses.

Frustration forces itself out of his lungs in a long sigh, startling her slightly. It almost hurts to listen to her talk about herself, ‘unlovable’, as if he isn’t sat in front of her, undoubtedly in love with her. It’s not the first time he’s wished she would notice, where life would be so much easier if she could just look at him and see instantly how in love with her he is.

If only she could see how he blushes when he makes her laugh, how even in crowded rooms, he has only eyes for her and how, sometimes, despite his best efforts, he can’t help but fumble over his words when she talks to him.

“You’re not.” He shakes his head slowly. “Trust me.”

It’s a miniscule confession, one he doubts she’s going to pick up on until he can see something flicker across her eyes, realisation perhaps. It fades as quickly as it appeared, as though in only a millisecond she considered and dismissed the notion.

However, George has taken the first steps down a dangerous path, there is no going back no matter how fast the beating of his nervous heart.

“You’re the amazing, (Y/N).” He continues. “I hate that other people can’t see that, but I do.”

“George-“

“I’m in love with you, (Y/N).”

“George please…” She exhales shakily, desperately. “Please don’t tell me this if you don’t mean it, if you’re just trying to cheer me up- please, George.”

“I do mean it, (Y/N).” He assures frantically. “Merlin, (Y/N), I love everything about you, the way you sing under your breath when you think no one’s listening, how you mimic the facial expressions of the characters in books without even noticing you’re doing it, how you get the hiccups when you laugh too much- blood hell, (Y/N), you’re laugh is the most gorgeous sound in the world.”

He’s in love with every single one of her quirks and habits; the lucky penny she’s taken to every single one of his quidditch matches, the pressed flowers she uses as bookmarks, and her pockets that are always full of plasters and healing cream… He could get carried away with listing them all, he has to restrain himself from doing so, bringing himself back with a sigh.

“I’m in love with you, (Y/N).” He repeats in confirmation. “And I can’t stand to hear you doubt yourself over and over because of some idiots who don’t know how lucky they are to even be considered by you.”

The tears that trickle down her cheeks fill him instantly with panic, sure he’s ruined it all as she wipes frantically at her eyes. The room fills with silence again, though George can only hear the thumping of his own heart in his ears, drowning out the rain and the record still spinning pointlessly in the corner of the room.

He’s done exactly what he was afraid of; he’s let his feeling pull apart the friendship that should have been enough for him. This hurts more than the ache of loving her ever has, the wretched torture of rejection.

“I shouldn’t-“ He mumbles. “I shouldn’t have done that-“

“Do you know how often I have imagined you saying those words to me?”

Her voice is cracked, much how it was when he first opened the door to her this evening, with disbelieving edge to her voice. The pain in his chest untwists itself slowly, replaying the words over and over in his head, until he’s sure he’s imagined it.

“What?”

“I love you, George.” She confesses. “Every disastrous date I’ve ever been on has been in an attempt to pretend I don’t. but I do, I really do.”

“You love me?”

The words feel foreign in his mind, he’s never allowed himself to imagine it before, that she could ever possibly love him back. Yet here she is, sat on his couch and wearing his clothes, tell him that she does.

“Yes, George.” She gasps incredulously. “I do, and only in my daydreams have you ever loved me back.”

Warmth fills him slowly, then rushes in all at once as the words finally sink in and he’s able to convince himself he isn’t stuck in some daydream of his own. His grin spreads slowly up his cheeks, contagious as it is soon mimicked on her own teary cheeks.

“You love me.”

“Yes.” She lets out a breathy laugh.

“Bloody hell.”

Her head tips back in a hysterical burst of laughter.

“You can’t just say ‘Bloody hell’ after I’ve confessed my undying love!”

“You cried when I confessed mine!” He retorts, chest vibrating with a laugh of his own. “This is surreal.”

Laughter fading to a grin, she looks at him with a new found light, a twinkle he’s very quickly added to the never ending list of thing he loves about her.

“I can’t believe you love me.” She says softly.

He does something he’s only ever dreamt of before, reaching out with one hand and cupping her cheek, grazing his thumb gently over the map of stains from what he knows now, were happy tears. He can feel her skin warm beneath his touch and tries his best not to smirk, not wanting to ruin the moment.

“This can’t be real.” He whispers.

“I know.” She smiles softly in agreement. “It’s all too perfect.”

“Is it immoral for me to kiss you after you’ve just been stood up?”

She snorts quietly at the question, shaking her head in reassurance and curling her finger around a handful of his jumper, pulling him closer.

“I think I was meant to be stood up.” She admits. “As cliché as it might sound, it led me here.”

“You’re right.” He mumbles, lips inches from hers. “That is very soppy.”

“Oh, shut up and kiss me.”

He’s tugged into her lips in less than a second. It’s better than he’s ever allowed himself to imagine during those lonely evenings spent staring at his ceiling, it’s everything to him. She moves her lips with his eagerly, as if she would be happy to the spend the rest of her life with him in this moment.

She’s perfect, it’s a fact he’s known since they were seventeen, but never has it been more true than this moment, tangled together in a kiss they’ve both been longing for in secret for far too long. All this time he’s not been the only one with what felt like an unattainable crush, no the only one suffering the ache of a heart in love.

“You’re amazing.” He exhales against her lips, eliciting one of those gorgeous laughs. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Georgie.”

“I’d listen to you say that all day.”

“Who’s the soppy one now?”

“Hm, just don’t tell Fred.”

 .

authors note; v v rushed, if i didnt put it out though, I would spend all week on it and I have a mountain of uni work to do so meh, also drinking game: drink every time unless ur underage pls they confess their love... can you tell i’m super impressed by myself this time?

[silentauroriamthereal]

5,900 followers!

So! I’ve been on tumblr since about August 2013 now. I had been away from fandom in general for a solid 3-4 years by that point, having left the Harry Potter fandom after a good deal of waning interest, which was definitely accelerated by basically everything about JKR (and this was before she outed herself as a major TERF) - adding to the canon with random shit she would say in interviews, etc, the whole “Dumbledore is gay” - but not in actual canon, including not making it canon in the movies that came after, etc. When I left the HP fandom, fandom in general was still very much on livejournal, though due to endless issues with LJ, people had already started drifting off to other platforms, which led to a widespread sensation of the fandom breaking up. My offline life got busy, I started my masters, and just didn’t have either the time or the interest in writing HP fanfic anymore. I had written 1.5 million words of fic and figured I was about out of words, anyway. My longtime friend, @moonflower-rose, had designed me an icon with the Latin phrase cacoethes scribendi, which basically means an endless mania for writing. I had started to feel that I wasn’t living up to that anymore, too, so I just quietly disappeared. 

Fast forward to 2013 and my encountering the ridiculous talents of Benedict Cumberbatch via Star Trek Into Darkness (still think that title needs a colon, but what can you do) and immediately needing to see everything else he’d ever done. I’d heard of Sherlock in my last, lingering days on LJ, but hadn’t decided to delve into it at all. At this point, only series 1 and 2 were out, though setlock photos for series 3 started emerging just after I plunged wholeheartedly into the Sherlock fandom. I was hooked immediately by Ben and Martin’s acting, by the interesting stories (though I was irked from the beginning of the treatment of Irene Adler and the imposition of a hetero-ized romance of two obviously (one canonically!) gay characters). I was irked by the lazy writing and easy outs that Moffat and Gatiss always seem to prefer. Nevertheless, I was only about halfway through The Reichenbach Fall when I was seized with a feeling that was half sinking and half elated: that I needed to write about these two people. The old urge had come back, and it came back hard. 

Now, a little over six years later, I’m over 2.3 million words deep into this fandom, with 88 posted stories and another that’s over 16,000 words in at this point. And the place where I re-found fandom and all of the community that comes with it, was here. It’s still astounding to me that anyone reads my stories. It’s astounding to me that 5,900 of you follow me. It’s really, really cool. :) 

I used to make a post like this about every 100 new followers, but I’ve sort of slacked off it lately. If you’ve been following me for a long time, this will be repetitive and I’m sorry! But here goes: 

-I generally follow everyone back, with the rider that, if the blog posts too much untagged content that I’m not interested in and can’t filter out because of the lack of tags, I’ll unfollow, just because that’s a lot of blogs. Sometimes tumblr doesn’t show me who followed me. If you’re following me and I’m not following you back and you wish I were, please, please, please just drop me a line and say so and I’ll fix it! 

-I post my stories at ao3. I have not imported my HP stuff and have no desire to do so. You can still find it at skyehawke.com. As long as skyehawke is still up and running, I will leave my HP stories there. Meanwhile, my Sherlock stuff is all posted here at ao3. 

-if you’re someone who has the means to support writers and artists in the fandom and that’s something you’re interested in doing, I do have a Patreon account. It’s over here. I always feel intensely squirmy about promoting this and only have it because @ravenmorganleigh made me get it (bless, lol). As a person who is perpetually struggling to make ends meet, I feel badly because I can never afford to support anyone else financially (every month that I make the rent is a win, basically). The donations people make through my Patreon have often meant the difference between being able to buy groceries or not. I don’t mean to be dramatic about this, but that’s literally the case, and I’m endlessly, endlessly grateful to every single dollar anyone has ever donated. But please don’t ever feel that you need to do this and please don’t if it isn’t something you can afford! I mean that. Also, my Patreon is set up for monthly contributions, and if you’re just dying to make a donation but want it to be a one-time thing, I also use PayPal, via my fandom email account, which is silentauror@yahoo.com. 

I’ve met some of the most amazing people here in this place and I’m very glad that I chose to come back to fandom, to find my own creative voice again, to have this chance to discuss and share excitement or rage or humour, and to be a part of so many of your lives, in whatever small way. I always get introspective at this time of the year, since it’s not only about to be a new year, but my birthday is also right at the end of the year (it’s December 30th), so I always end up having Big Thoughts About Life in this window between Christmas at the end of the year. Today, this is my Big Thought: how grateful I am to have all of you, in whatever large or small way, in my life. <3333333333333333333333

[luvdsc]

cat i will first of all excuse my poor coherent thoughts bc i just finished reading ypur newest jeno fic and im so in shambles i have been crying these oast few minutes trying to compose my thoughts and myself and

You see, I wished that i could explain verbally what i am feeling but as always, your writing is always so well balanced like we have the comedy, we have the angst, we have the fluff and all the in-between!!! Also, bonus points for all the frat names being groups love to see it and honestly i do appreciate that dynamics are always very real, like things that happen and real emotions like ofc i would have wished that since the moment OC and Jeno realize both had feelings back in freshmen year they suddenly fall in kove and live happily ever after bam the end, but character wise in how both were made it made sense to see how theu react, they both were scared and yes, Jeno took the leap of faith by confessing but it also was very human for OC to feel scared, more so with the whole issue of not catching feelings allowed.

Plus something i found very interesting is how some dialogue like came back, buth with a whole new meaning like the phrase "choose me" when Jeno made reference to the cat and at the end with how OC realizes Jaemin chose to stay, to love and so did she or also the whole ordeal of Lee Jeno (when oc first see them at the party and i think kater when he finds her with hyunjin) and i bet there were more that i couldn't see but uhhhh my point is that i appreciate how much thought you always put in creating wonderful stories and how the endinh was very much an accurate ending of what things happen.

I'm very sorry for my rambling but, believe me i loved it a lot! Would have reblogged it but my phone kept crashing whenever i wrote sksksk sorry about that lol but thanks again!!!! Good luck with everything!!!

omg honey bee, thank you sososos sooo much for always leaving the kindest comments on my fics !!!! 🥺💗💗💗  kajhdsfkljas whenever i see your url in my activity feed, it’s like my brain goes !! instant serotonin boost !!! 🥰🥰 so thank you so much for all your efforts, lovebug, and i appreciate you very much 🤧💜 and i’m so sorry for making you cry 😭  but thank you for confirming that the feelings i was hoping to portray came across :’) once again, i’m putting this under the cut because my answer is long asjkdfa

-

i feel like my previous fics were realistic enough in a sense, but they were also pretty idealistic with the way everything lined up perfectly and had a romcom movie ending, and that was where pussy blocked was headed too originally! 💞 the alternate ending i had roughly written was the original ending i was aiming for, but that went out the window when i spontaneously decided to make yn kiss jaemin, and suddenly, jaemin just made so much more sense as the ending. for me, her choosing jaemin in the end is what makes this feel more real 💗  

aaa but making jeno and yn fall in love in freshman year and go on to date and live happily ever after has peak luvdsc fluff romance written all over it, doesn’t it? 🤧💖  jeno definitely took the leap there, and unfortunately, yn just wasn’t ready to jump with him. like i had mentioned in my response to your lovely thoughts about august, love really does depend on so much happenstance and timing 🤍  and this time, it didn’t work out for these two sadly ):

YES oh my gosh, you noticed the repetitive language used aaaaa sweetpea, that makes me so unbelievably happy 😭💟💟💟  choosing and choices play a huge role in this fic, and i’m just over the moon that you picked up on those details, lovebug 🥰🥰 and yes!!! there is a rewrite of her impression of jeno at the beginning of the fic and near the end of the fic to show the shift in feelings she has for him :’) repetition is something i like to incorporate in my writing style, so it was used for various paragraphs / phrases here and there in my fic :’) the bathroom scene with hyunjin overall is supposed to be reminiscent of the bathroom scene at the beginning of the fic, right down to her wearing the same white top 💕 

you are the absolute sweetest sweetpea, and i am so so sooo grateful for your appreciation and sharing your thoughts with me 🥺💞💞  please don’t ever apologize for this, honey bee, i absolutely love to hear what you think about my fic and thank you for giving it so much love 💓💓  askjdfa tumblr isn’t very mobile friendly when it comes to reblogging long posts unfortunately, but thank you for even taking the time to rewriting everything you were gonna say in your reblog and sending me an ask instead 🥺  i hope you have a wonderful day/night, angel 🌷🌷🌷

[thistangledbrain]

Ok y’all, I’m sorry I’m having to catch up! We got a new foster in a few days ago - a particularly broken soul - and my mind has been *entirely* on him. But he’s settling in a little now, so here’s the last 3 days in one post ☺️

Autism Acceptance Month

Day 10!

“Sensory Life”

This is sort of hard to describe, but I’ll try! This is different from the next entry about stims, though both are sensory related.

It’s like being on microdosed ‘shrooms *all the time*. If you don’t know what that’s like, I’ll try to describe (this is collaborated with a friend who regularly does this - I don’t...it would probably be far too overwhelming).

Colors are far sharper to me & I emotionally react to them far more than most people. That results in some colors being genuinely offensive - not just “I don’t like that color”, but it will make me intensely angry or physically sick. This makes me curious about chromotherapy, but I haven’t really looked into it that much. My tolerance of certain colors can ebb and flow depending on my emotional state/mindset. (This crap is so sharp, I’m actually getting a twinge of irritation just *thinking* about my most hated colors LOL 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Textures/skin sensations are another big one. (By now you may be asking, how TF did this chick manage Marine Corps training/exercises?!) I guess if you want something bad enough, you can shut down some of the overwhelming aspects of the sensory thing...this ability to disassociate probably isn’t what NT’s would call “healthy”, but it’s quite handy if you’re autistic, and those of us who have been through real trauma seem to be especially skilled with our ability to just shut off all circuits and “embrace the suck”). Like...I’ll nearly panic to get out of a store or something if my underwear starts feeling uncomfortable, but I’ve literally been soaked head to toe, covered in mud and sand in my *everywhere* (and I HATE SAND anywhere but on my feet) AND I pissed myself, because nobody’s gonna stop shooting/training just because you have to go potty 🙄), and I remember literally giving zero fucks about it...so it really is entirely a mindset thing. But let’s talk about when I’m NOT in “Marine mode” (cuz let’s face it, it’s been close to two decades since I got out, and I no longer HAVE to tolerate overwhelming sensations).

Sensory input is just basically dialed to 11 & the knob’s been snapped off. Bright lights, loud discordant noises, too much touching/not touching the right way, things like that. I am particularly sensitive about body hair (my own). I *strongly* prefer to have my head shaved on the back and sides (but I leave the top long). The only time I haven’t done this, was in the Marines (it was considered “eccentric” and not allowed, so they made me grow it out). Even though I leave the main part long, it’s *always* in a bun or ponytail - well, unless I’m super dressed up for something, but even then I prefer some sort of updo. Despite the fact that I like my long hair (well on the top anyway), I can’t *stand* the way it feels on my neck or especially my face - I HATE IT when my hair touches my face. If I wasn’t married...there’s a decent chance I’d just shave it all off and be done with it LOL 😆 My ponytail pulled through the back of a baseball hat is I guess what they’d call my “signature look”.

And you think NT’s have bad misophonia? *I’ve jumped out of a moving vehicle before* to get away from the noise of someone chewing loudly/smacking their lips in the back seat (he was a coworker and punching him in the mouth - which is what I DESPERATELY wanted to do - would have gotten me fired 😕)...but humans eating, or dogs licking their junk, makes me want to crawl out of my own skin. It’s mostly humans though....you have *no idea* the level of self discipline it takes to keep me from either rage crying or actually getting violent around someone smacking their mouth during a meal. I *cannot* be around my husband when he’s eating breakfast cereal even though he’s a very mannered eater - I don’t know why, but it’s *so loud* (and I’m terribly hard of hearing) - it sounds like he’s chewing rocks. It took us years to work this problem out LOL - he thought it was dumb that I had such a deeply emotional reaction. Then he tried to “chew quietly”, which all that did was slow down the rock tumbler inside his mouth 😂...gradually, for everyone’s sanity, we realized that cereal eating should not be done in close proximity to each other lololol....and now, when it’s time for family meals around the table, I’ve learned to either keep the range hood fan going (white noise is definitely my friend), or have the TV on. If it’s just mainly the sound of everyone chewing, I simply won’t eat at the table. I lose my appetite. (And all of my dinner guests/family are very polite diners. It’s MY hangup.) Phone calls are another big one. I could probably come up with several reasons why I hate it...I LOATHE it. This is one sensory hangup some people in my family just refuse to accept. I don’t think they realize I equate unexpected or immediately demanded phone calls to running naked though a mall or getting a root canal. Hissssssssss!! Give me some time to prepare myself for this shit please - you’re actually asking a *lot* from me. (And when I do have a call? Ugh I babble and am so awkward, because I’m so effing uncomfortable, which I also hate.)

But here’s an area where my “sensory overload” serves me very well:

Dogs.

I am usually *intensely* dialed into the energy and body language of an animal, but particularly dogs. I’m *so* sensitive to them, that I often actually can feel things even happening behind my back - can basically sense the energy in the area shift. (Roughly 75% of the time. I’m spacey sometimes too LOL.) The work I do with “behaviorally challenged” dogs is the biggest area where I am *grateful* for my autistic mind. I don’t think I could really do the things I do without it, successfully. (I can do this to a large degree with people as well, as can my youngest son. You cannot lie to that boy about your feelings or mood.)

We all have different levels of sensory sensitivity and different triggers, but every autistic I know has several “sensory hangups”. It often is one of our biggest hurdles to deal with, when it comes to “normal functioning”. So, many of us constantly have headphones (or muffs) on, some of us wear sunglasses *all the time*, etc (I wear a baseball hat - and I genuinely don’t like going anywhere where I have to get dressed up and can’t wear my hat. Been like that since my early teens. That hat shields me from all sorts of real and imagined sensory triggers.) You do what you can to mitigate, you know? But my “microdosing shrooms” and “knob dialed to 11 and snapped off” is really the best way I can summarize. (And that’s not all bad - my trips into a new natural space, like the redwoods, is an absolute *thrill*. I also occasionally love sensory overload - many auties do - like rollercoasters. My youngest son and I can ride till we pass out LOL!) So sensory life is love/hate, really....but I don’t think I’d change much about it.

Except the fucking misophonia. I hate that I go into almost a murderous rage over someone just chewing food loudly 🤦🏻‍♀️ - but seriously. It’s impolite anyway. Don’t do it. 😆

———————————————————

Day 11!

Stims

This is one of the biggest areas where neurotypicals struggle to understand us.

We all have stims. Stims are basically any stimulus that brings us joy or comfort. It could be rocking, flapping, walking in tight little circles, clicking your fingernails together, spinning, making weird sounds or whistling, etc. And it’s usually repetitive - that’s the part that gets on people’s nerves.

I’ve found that most *women* hide most of our stims. We only let go and stim our little hearts out when we’re alone. I do that, because some of my stims grate on my husband. Sometimes I don’t WANT to feel “watched” anyway...I’ve noticed males don’t have quite the same issue with that.

I have quiet stims I do to soothe myself, and happy stims. One of my quieter stims when I’m trying to soothe myself (like in public) is clicking my teeth, particularly my right canines. I also have this silicone bite stick I wear around my neck sometimes, that I chew on (my sons like the bite sticks as well). I carry a little bag of fidget toys in my purse, to soothe myself with when I’m stressed. There’s a thing sort of like a fidget cube, a little cowrie shell and twine bracelet that I fiddle with almost like a rosary, a small stuffed axolotyl (her name is Blossom), and a few other toys. My little stash also comes in damn handy when I encounter a bored child LOL!

One of my sons makes funny little sound effects randomly (and he’s grown & still does it). The other used to randomly shriek when he was younger - then he learned how to whistle, so he couldn’t say a whole sentence without punctuating it with little whistles (we actually thought it was adorable).

My favorite stim is putting my headphones on, putting on some favorite music, sitting with my legs crossed, closing my eyes, and rocking. I’m happy to TELL you about this stim, but it’s one I do alone, because I like to get completely lost in it and I can’t do that if I feel I’m being watched...and you’ll damn near give me a heart attack if you touch me while I’m lost in that world. (And boy does it irritate me to get yanked out of that before I’m ready, for some bullshit non emergency reason.) Better to just isolate myself (except my dogs are always with me). Another one I do alone - and I have no idea why i like it so much - is squeaking my bite stick across my teeth. (This one is weird to me because I usually HATE my teeth being touched...yes dentists are a problem.) This one I enjoy doing kind of mindlessly while I read, but damn would it irritate anyone in listening distance LOL...I mean, it would irritate the shit out of ME if someone else was doing it, because *other people’s* repetition, especially if it makes noise, gets on my damned nerves. 🙄 Figures lmao!

Stims can be damaging sometimes, though. Like I used to twist and twirl my hair when I was younger so much that the areas I usually grabbed were frayed and broken (I also chewed my hair sometimes). One stim I cannot break myself of even though sometimes it’ll make me bleed, is chewing the insides of my cheeks or my lips. That’s my most frequent (several times a day) one, and the one that is both gratifying *and* soothing. It’s also the one that’s hardest to suppress.

Some auties are either unaware or literally don’t care how you feel about their stims, but I am and do. I’d like to think I’m pretty “appropriate” *most* of the time with my stims and other people around, except the lip/cheek chewing. If my husband notices I’ve gotten pretty furious about it (even using my hand to push my cheek into optimal biting position), he’ll gently put his hands on mine to bring me back to awareness - if I’m gnawing away, I’m either super stressed or way lost in thought. Either way, I can accidentally hurt myself, so he gently guides me away/distracts me.

Stimming is an important part of Autie life and should not be discouraged unless it hurts Your Pet Autie ™️.

And if you’re looking for a neat gift for an Autie? They actually make stim toy packs. Get them one, they’re fun. ☺️ (Most stim toys are designed to withstand being put in mouths and bitten/chewed, too - LOTS of us have oral fixations.) And hey, even if you’re a NT, try stimming sometime (lots of normal people have stims, they just don’t realize that’s what they are - like nail biting. Bite your nails a lot? Get a bite stick!! God they’re so satisfying!)....

Happy stimming!

———————————————-

Day 12!

“Favorite Autism Charity”

This one is short and easy: ASAN. Autism Self Advocacy Network.

“The Autistic Self Advocacy Network is a nonprofit organization run by and for individuals with autism. According to its mission statement, the Network’s goal is ‘to empower autistic people across the world to take control of our own lives and the future of our common community, and seek to organize the autistic community to ensure our voices are heard in the national conversation about us.’”

————————————————-

Day 13!

“Family”

Well that’s kinda ambiguous, isn’t it? 😒

I’ll start with this tack:

Being an autistic mom with autistic kids.

I mean for years, none of us KNEW LOL - and maybe that’s what took me so long to get around to pursuing a formal diagnosis for my youngest. To me, for the longest time, he was just sensitive and different like me (same with my oldest, for the most part, but I’m pretty sure that was me buying into the “brilliant people are just fucking weird ok” mindset also), yannow? So it was like, “well mama always told me I’d have one like me & then know what I put her through” 🙄 My oldest got lumped into the “all bright kids are quirky” category - but as I learned about ASD through my youngest and myself, it became damn obvious the oldest was also in our camp. (He’s taken the prelim test now anyway, but is not formally diagnosed.) I genuinely believe that our “shared weirdness” binds us very tightly to each other - and I’m super pleased about that.

It brought a whole new level of understanding and awareness within our little family when we realized it was ASD I guess - and acceptance. (I 100% believe that diagnosis - or even affirmation - is critical to our self acceptance and understanding.) I wouldn’t trade my little family for anything, and consider myself remarkably blessed. I can talk about how complex and brilliant my boys are ALL day (and often do LOL). Hubby is neurodivergent, and can identify with (or at least sympathize with) MANY of our hangups....but he’s “normal” enough that he’s been able to guide us (mostly me) with things like how to use tact (not often a skill we naturally possess lmao). My heart breaks when I read posts by auties whose families either don’t understand or don’t accept them & are constantly trying to basically mute who they are. Auties “live out loud”, and some people find that off putting. I know growing up, I was constantly getting my ass chewed for being “dramatic” or too sensitive, too, so I shut down and hid my sensitivity far, far away. I’m only *lately* (last few years) discarding that silly tough girl mask. (I can still be quite the little wolverine at times, but I’m not afraid to show my soft sensitive actual self anymore...to stay soft in today’s fucked up world takes actual courage - a lot of it - and strength. I was looking at the concept of being “strong” entirely the wrong way.)

I swear my husband has lived with nearly as many phases and facets, as years we’ve been together. Sometimes I ask him if this ever bothers him. He says no, because who I am at my core never changes...and he grins and says “and you damn sure aren’t boring” 😂

But since I’ve known I’m autistic, I’ve given myself more freedom to discover who I am without these socially dictated parameters. And permission to be precisely who I am, without cringing apologies when the real me shines through awkwardly.

And my husband and boys have been there every step of the way, embracing me, as we do with them. ♥️

Yeah. I love my family. We’re some pretty cool people. 😁

[angel-princess-anna]

APA’s Take on Downton 2019

First of all, whoever had the brilliant idea to have a 10 minute recap of the show before the film and include *those* scenes from S4E3 like.... it did not set a great tone for me. I had warning thanks to some awesome friends who messaged me, but yeah.

Anyway though here’s my very opinionated thoughts. For reference, here are the A/B spoilers.

tl;dr: this film did not give me anything I wanted, and really wasn’t about the characters, it was about making money. It felt like it was a farce, not a sequel. And Anna was grossly out of character. S6CS remains my ending.

This is my personal opinion, after one viewing so might be a bit knee-jerk; super long; contains major spoilers:

(sorry I get really rambly and repetitive towards the end)

One of the main overall issues was that the pacing was... bad. Like the TV show has short scenes but this was like... on speed. And a lot happened off screen and was just mentioned. Everything was very, very rushed. And it felt sloppy to me.

And it wasn’t so much that it was because there were too many storylines. Because there barely were any personal storylines!! And’s what was lacking. The heart of the show isn’t Downton the house; it’s the characters.

Something that I’ve always thought about the show, is that your opinion on an episode or season really does depend on your favorite characters (and/or why you like the show overall). And it’s the same for the film. It’s an ensemble show and that’s the nature of it. An add-on movie therefore needs to appeal to fans of all and it does not imho.

I’m an Anna x Bates fan, and a downstairs fan. And I went in thinking, well this is gonna be pretty classist to believe that all the servants would still want to be there in 1927 (the year however is not that clear in the film). But you don’t even really have time to think about what should be going on,  because it’s such a rush of a bit of preparing and then the weekend of the royals being there. There was no time for organic personal storylines, more or less. Thomas got a tad but tbh, less than I thought he would?? Daisy and Andy are apparently engaged but don’t even act like it? 

The film isn’t a true sequel to me because it’s not showing us where these characters would go with their lives after the show. The plot was chosen first and it’s obvious. 

And that creates a feeling of disconnect that makes the film seems isolated from the TV show. Like it wanted to be stand alone, but also had to juggle using established characters. But it could not honor the 52 episodes before it. And I mean, you can’t cram everything people loved about the TV show into 2 hours, no matter what they all say. However, the most major issue is that the film is plot driven, whereas the show was character driven.

As I feared, the downstairs characters were caricatures. They more or less all shared one plot, or facets of it (barring those mentioned above). Even upstairs really didn’t have as much going on either personal life wise other than Edith and Tom (well and the new characters, but it shouldn’t be about them at all). But that is a fraction of the cast. This is not at all Downton Abbey to me, with several interwoven plots. There wasn’t 22 plots lines, nor 11 even if divide them into one plot per couple.

I primarily wanted to see Anna and Bates with their son, their much longed for child. But he was barely in it for five seconds, with only one of his two scenes actually with his parents, which undermines his symbolic importance in the TV show. 

I really did fear Anna being out of character and concocting a stupid scheme. And then it turned out to be worse. She drugged someone and blackmailed another. W T F. It’s like Fellowes forgot who she is. Like okay she wasn’t drugged in S4 but that is really disturbing all the same, and why would Anna blackmail someone after she herself has suffered at the hands of it (i.e. Vera).

And of course while I am super super glad that Anna and Bates are happy and not being traumatized, I also would have like a sense that they overcame a lot to get this point, and that vibe is just so missing that it makes it seem like their film counterparts don’t have their TV show plots as a backstory. Hell, we barely actually saw that they were happy, given that their child was in one scene with them??? Where was the “devotedly raising their son” that the TV Guide promised???

I mentioned this in the spoiler post, but you know S3CS and the Marvelous scene? Why didn’t I get something similar with Bates toasting Anna??? You can be lighthearted and still be poignant. And that is what is missing. It wasn’t poignant with them at all. 

I mean it makes sense that it’s not tragic and of course I didn’t want it to be. But it lacks depth and cheats the characters. Having a fun romp is nice, as is levity, but DA also needs to be poignant, or it's meaningless and superficial.

Like the happy part with them is really that they saved the day and the honor of Downton. Yeah nope. I had thought I was gonna complain about how they put the honor of Downton first before their child, but because of the short amount of days covered in the film, it kinda makes sense as to why we didn’t really see him but it’s that Fellowes put honor of Downton first before their child when he wrote this plot. We could gotten at least had a line of Anna saying to Bates, ugh the royal visit means less time with our kid.

“It’s got everything all the fans want”, except not only did I not get Anna pregnant again nor a whiff of a hotel (which I knew were pipe dreams but when you tell me the show is over and I can dream up my headcanons... LET THEM HAVE THEIR DREAMS!!), but I didn’t even get to actually see my favorite character again. Fellowes changed her personality to fit his plot, and it stinks. This is what happens when you make a plot first for what was a character driven TV show.

I cannot understand why Fellowes thought, ah yes, the favorite storyline people had of Anna's was Anna Bates Investigates. I'll pepper it with "fight fire with fire" and then make her... drug someone and commit blackmail??? (and remember why she said that line in S1E5? because someone was directly happening to the man she loved. Yeah). Instead you know, showing her happy with her family. The Anna at the end of the TV show is not the same Anna as S1 or S3. She had to overcome so much. While of course I don’t want overt references because I want her to have healed and moved forward with her life, film!Anna seems to have no knowledge of her past.

Why is this weird scheme Anna’s plot in the first place? It’s even worse than I thought it would be??? Because Anna has always been labeled a Good Person and also the “moral center” were we supposed to think that what she did was a good thing? Did he confuse her with O’Brien? Do all lady’s maids need to scheme and Anna hasn’t done enough of that??

And when you have been through a lot of horrible traumatic things, you want more mundane stories. Not some weird out of character mess. I’m very defensive of TV!Anna, but her two subplots are being rightfully panned.

Even though Brendan was also doing a play during filming, Bates managed to be in it decent amount. He didn’t really have plot beyond being in on the one scheme of Anna’s but tbh I didn’t need him drugging people either.

I know I ought to be grateful that Brendan was able to be in the film and that Bates is like... live. But tbh I feel like I deserve more than that. They could have made better use of Brendan’s time.

Also having BB (who I will still refer to as that because again, I don’t like the film’s name choice for him, and clearly he had no canon given name before now) in only one scene with his parents and then the gallery scene with the nanny like. Nope.

Again, I get Brendan’s limited availability but I really could have used A LOT more Bates Family moments, considering how long it took them to have a child. And... not like Joanne wasn’t available and they could have had Anna doting on him more. It’s just the one scene for a hot hot second. Like we had more of him in the end of S6CS and he was literally just born. YEAH.

Like Anna went through a lot to have him, and I get that filming with kids can be a struggle but for a woman who once said “when a woman loves a child, it must stay with her,” she might like... spend more time with her kid than work on her schemes. Fellowes basically stripped her of the one dream she got fulfilled after all the trauma, along with her morals. What she did here is not strength, let me say that.

It’s one thing to shove off the Crawley kids, but it’s for not a couple who not only longed for a child, but also is working class, and who we have always known would take an active role in their child’s life...

But yeah the lack of shippy scenes, like Fellowes wtf, married couples can be romantic, and I got no kiss. I have to wonder if that one still is from a deleted scene. 

I mean I love teamwork stuff! But with A/B you can't just give me that and say "here have this it's shippy, haha #TeamBates!", (Team Bates has three people on it now though!!) and the film is lacking actual romantic moments or family moments. And a lot of Anna’s plot happened off screen so it’s not like we even saw him discussing it with her???

And sorry Mary, but one of those scenes with her could have been swapped to Anna with her child. And the friendship lines were so... again... just there, when it could have been really nice. And the scene where she mentions staff leaving to Anna and I’m like... can Anna and her family leave and get their hotel? No?? Did they give up on that dream??

(On a shallow note, the wigs were horrendous in this. Mary’s bangs/fringe was horrid, and I’ve already voiced my opinion about how I don’t think Anna would ever get a bob and damn that wig was so wiggy. Pro tip: if you have to use a wig, don’t cheat and use ones you just plop on an actress’s head. I think the hair was a sign of how out of character Anna was gonna be in this film.)

I get that the more mundane things isn't as exciting for the casual audience for a film, but if Fellowes wanted this to be sequel to the TV show, it can't be some throwaway thing. He has include furthering the characters' lives. And instead he stuck them in stasis, and forced them into these plots because he came up with it first versus writing what was logically next for them.

And that’s because Fellowes didn’t want many status quo changes (along with wanting it more stand alone and time constraints). I honestly am unsure what the scene with Violet is really saying. At a different time I would have said that if Violet died, that was the end, but maybe it was saying that Downton the franchise will continue without Maggie Smith as Downton the estate will without Violet (also that scene with Violet and Mary was the few that had depth in the film; Thomas could have been deeper imho but at least he had something).

I get that some people don’t mind filler, but the TV show overall was a serial, and if this is the new ending, I need more than filler. A/B got a baby out of the finale, what did they get out of this? Just stasis. That’s not an ‘ending’, time really hasn’t moved on, has it?

Clearly, the issue is that S6CS was written as the end, and the film only has that feeling with Violet and her health. The Bateses needed to leave and get the hotel. I guess maybe Baxley isn’t canon in Fellowes’ mind after all, but at least figure out what is going on with Daisy and Andy??

I have said this approximately 1 million times, but what I love about DA is the characters. If you aren't gonna build off of 6 series of backstory and go with the organic plot of the characters' personal lives, then no thank you. This film fails to be Downton Abbey to me. It fails to be a continuation. 

Anna and Bates deserve more children, they deserve the hotel, they deserve the world after all the pain and suffering. They deserve all their dreams. You all know I love their son so so much. But what they got in the film was not enough. This was crumbs of what could have been.

Things could be worse but this was... not. good. And I fear that any subsequent films, if they were to do them (without Violet/Maggie??)... would also not have an sense of an ending. Let alone an ending. Which S6CS had, and was super poignant. The TV show left me in a good fulfilled place. This is a tacked on add on doesn’t do that at all for me.

And if Fellowes is holding off on certain things for future sequels, then when does it end? Do Anna and Bates only ever get the hotel if Joanne says no to sequel to the film (it would be easy for Brendan to say no)? Are we still gonna end up with more shallow plots that don't advance the characters' personal lives? Because when would Fellowes know to do that if there's literally never an ending again? BB came at the end of the show because Fellowes stalled on it on purpose for their child to come at the end. What was the end anyway. The film wasn't the future that they were set up to have.

I get that there was only two hours and you can only do so much. But that also proves that there was no reason to do this film if there wasn’t that many established loose ends to wrap up. And what I consider loose ends (e.g. A/B and the hotel), were ignored.

While yes, the TV show did continue because it was successful i.e. money, Fellowes had an idea because it hadn't ended yet. A/B potentially will never have more children or leave DA and get the hotel all because of greed. We could dream of those things still where the TV show let off. Now... I don’t even know. And it really upsets me that they took that from them. And from me. BB was my reward for staying when I should have raged quit (i.e. S4E3). There’s more to Anna and Bates’ lives than just being loyal servants. Quite a lot. So it’s kinda insulting.

But we are supposed to be happy they are alive! Be happy no more trauma! But I mean, it cost Anna her characterization. I didn’t suffer though several years of pain and misery for the movie to just be filler and OOC. I’m going back to the S6CS as my ending where Anna was actually in character.

If this was a film to a totally unrelated to Downton Abbey that Fellowes wrote, with a whole cast of characters that never existed before in some other castle, it would be a glitz fun romp (that’s light on human drama) but you just cannot force characters with 52 episodes of development and exposition into these "roles" for this plot driven film.

But for me, this is not at all what I wanted if we had to have this film.

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Special Halloween Post! Also timeless-ish 😂

Subtitle: It's a chance to chat with the ancestors and ask for their energetic assistance in healing and getting some stuff done or receiving blessings. Like for real, I have been doing this for about 4 years now. It's legit.

Hi everyone, how's your Halloween? And the Mercury Rx (retrograde but the Rx is shorter lolz)? My devices started acting up and the internet connection slowed down a bit but I just inhaled a long, deep breath and mentally told the universe "Seriously, please don't. I need more help." And by don't I meant don't let me get affected too much by the Rx, I can't handle it simultaneously aka the bodily effects of energetic upgrades like being both extremely energetic & feeling dead-as-fudge lethargic and the fact that I'm having extra-sensitive emotions, feelings, and stuff like that. I might just break down. It worked 50% so now I just curse half of the time. Also I started having extreme feels so I just cleared some extra stuff out by tapping the anxieties and other annoying bits out, plus getting Reiki from others won't hurt. Also I have given up on my Inktober project because I'm just not inspired enough and also because I feel deadbeat right now (sorry Andy-chan, I tried).

But enough about my tomfoolery now, and let's get to business. On All Hallows' Eve, the veil between worlds and dimensions are thinning, and some stuff are definitely coming through for me, I don't even have to use my cards to tell. Also, my departed relatives, guides, guardians, protectors, etc. are just letting themselves known, so I feel like I'm both energized and tired, even if I do my normal stuff.

Hot tip: It won't hurt to eat some ice cream or something, the energies are coming in quite strong, so the body not only needs a lot of water but also a lot of minerals.

And let me tell you, 2 days of eating mostly veggies left me weak and almost on the verge of collapsing, despite that being my normal jam. I had to balance out what I have been eating so I went back to eating the balanced diet, now I feel a lot better. But seriously, the incoming energies made me feel so dead tired, yet it didn't register right away. Mostly because I had normal sleep time, and I was eating 70% plants and was doing fine, but then the Rx came and then things started feeling heavy, dense, and really tiring. Even my dreams were tiring.

It was scary, it went from a mysterious serial killing that remains unsolved for 50 years (yeah I always have such dreams) and later it went into another direction like I thought I was seeing bright constellations in the clear, blue sky but then realized they were missiles trying to break through an invisible barrier and they exploded in mid-air, turning the sky black. The scarier thing is that it felt so familiar, like I dreamt them before. That's how intense the Scorpio season came in to me, especially with the Rx. I mean, as a Gemini sun and Mercury, that makes the Rx a lot more heavier on me. I don't know how others with Gemini in other parts of their charts would feel, but for me, I feel separate and lonely during Mercury Rx, and it causes me psychosomatic issues, plus depressive states. I will so my best to survive this almost month-long Rx, by doing what I had been doing this past year so far: Going within and chatting with my ancestral line. Also crying a river of tears as needed.

Which now brings us to stuff to do on Halloween.

Well, for one thing, releasing stuff long overdue is one. Another is recalibration of the self. Still another is healing the self by chatting with our dearly departed. Basically it's a huge cleansing of the physical and energetic realms. And if you've been here long enough, I may have written too much about clearing personal energies. It sounds too repetitive, yeah, I know. But consider this:

Clearing energies allows for a higher vibratory state. Higher vibes mean letting in more of Source energy aka Love into the body to heal more. More healing means more collective healing. More collective healing means releasing of lower vibrational energies. Which helps further increase the vibes of a lot of people, including you. And it's a cycle so yeah.

This is also important especially for everyone (including myself) who aims to become the world's healers and wayshowers because we strongly feel that as our calling. I once read somewhere that you can only heal others up to the levels of your healing. Otherwise, you might take on the demonsof the person you are healing, or reversely send them your own shadows. Not a good thing in both ways. Which is why I haven't taken that call yet, I just do the wayshowing thing.

I am not discouraging people to be healers. Honestly the world needs a lot of us. But that also means that we should be able to handle our own issues, so that we can have more than enough love and understanding to heal others and show them an alternate path to take in life, awakened or not. Otherwise we'll just end up living through the ego, and then where will we be?

And this is where the part about chatting with ancestors comes to play. Our awakened state gives us the responsibility as well as the opportunity to clear off anything that has latched onto us as well as to our ancestral lineage, and currently prevent us from attaining our full potential because at present we are bearers of ancestral memories, experiences, as well as beliefs and programming (or if you want a scientific take, our DNA is full of the epigenetic changes that happened to each of the generation member that contributed to whatever genetic material we have today, like DNA methylation patterns). We have to talk to our ancestors so we can find out why we feel like we are bogged down, kept under lock and key, why we feel we aren't going anywhere, why certain beliefs and ideas pervade our entire being. We need to understand the why's, their circumstances, so we can have an idea on the how's, like how to release limiting beliefs on just about everything. Basically release limiting beliefs. Period.

But we must also ask our ancestors to release that too. They should do it with us, or else the patterns will keep recurring, the pains will keep appearing, and we will always feel stuck. I mean, yeah, sure, they started those beliefs as a means of self-preservation, I get that. And I am grateful. But around 90% of them aren't even usable anymore, they just cause depression, powerlessness, hopelessness, anger, anxiety, even attracting horrible things into our material existence. Honestly I play dirty through guilt-tripping, by reminding them that I'm the one who keeps feeling the physical pains and sufferings while they just float over there and watch. Like seriously, I really, really need your help. Heal yourself by helping me heal all of these old pains and release all of the genetic and energetic garbage (also seriously I never asked to have so much body hair like a dog I wanted luscious locks ON my head not EVERYWHERE ELSE smh).

Yeah that's basically what I do. Tomorrow, November 1 I will be setting up food offerings for my ancestors because it's a part of my ritual as well as my people's tradition regarding the afterlife. No harm in it other than attracting many ants lol.

Well, I hope this instant post had any value for you. Thank you so much for reading. Be careful and loving with yourself this Mercury Rx season, and as always, may you find the healing you seek.

Forever with love and hugs from Source above, I remain your Soul sibling,

三日月

Mikazuki

[diskwrite-ffxiv]

There have been some very excellent posts breaking down the first non-apology from Oz. And now, after the first attempt was generally panned, Oz has made a second go of it: https://imgur.com/a/E9qELpy

As we consider Oz’s words, there is a point I would like to emphasize.

Apologies are an important part of the abuser’s playbook.

And as Lundy Bancroft states in Why Does He Do That?, it doesn’t really matter if the abuser’s apology is sincere or not.

The salient point about remorse, however, is that it matters little whether it is genuine or not. Clients who get very sorry after acts of abuse change at about the same rate as the ones who don’t. The most regretful are sometimes the most self-centered, lamenting above all the injury they’ve done to their own self-image. They feel ashamed of having behaved like cruel dictators and want to revert quickly to the role of benign dictators, as if that somehow makes them much better people.

This is the third time I’ve linked this image with regard to this situation, but it’s because it is paramount that we understand the abuser’s behavior as cyclical and the role that apologies play. 

It’s a little counter-intuitive compared to non-abusive interactions. Under normal circumstances, an apology serves to say things like “hey I messed up and I’m sorry.” It’s part of making things right with someone else, and it’s considered part of the social contract that if someone is sorry for what they did, they will try to do better in the future.

But in the context of the cycle of abuse, that’s not what happens when an abuser apologizes.

Another quote from Bancroft:

After he has purged himself, he typically acts ashamed or regretful about his cruelty or violence, at least in the early years of a relationship. Then he may enter a period when he reminds you of the man you fell in love with—charming, attentive, funny, kind. His actions have the effect of drawing you into a repetitive traumatic cycle in which you hope each time that he is finally going to change for good. You then begin to see the signs of his next slow slide back into abuse, and your anxiety and confusion rise again.

[Once more please excuse the pronouns and specifically gendered way Bancroft has written this book. He is addressing heterosexual romantic relationships because that is what he worked with most in his practice, but so much about abuse is common regardless of the type of personal relationship.]

Ultimately, whether or not an abuser feels sorry means nothing. If they’re going to become a better person, what’s required is that they change the fundamental beliefs, behaviors, and actions that made them an abuser in the first place.

So, let’s talk this second apology.

What does it take for an abuser to change?

In my last extensive post, I quoted Bancroft’s example of what it would take for a man to fully take accountability for vindictively cutting down a neighbor’s tree. So how does Bancroft relate this to abuse, and what abusers must do to truly become better?

I’m going to quote this part in full and it’s a long one, so bear with me. Some details are especially romantic relationship specific, but I left it all in because they are necessary to communicate just how all-encompassing true change for an abuser has to be.

1. Admit fully to his history of psychological, sexual, and physical abusiveness toward any current or past partners whom he has abused. Denial and minimizing need to stop, including discrediting your memory of what happened. He can’t change if he is continuing to cover up, to others or to himself, important parts of what he has done.

2. Acknowledge that the abuse was wrong, unconditionally. He needs to identify the justifications he has tended to use, including the various ways that he may have blamed you, and to talk in detail about why his behaviors were unacceptable without slipping back into defending them.

3. Acknowledge that his behavior was a choice, not a loss of control. For example, he needs to recognize that there is a moment during each incident at which he gives himself permission to become abusive and that he chooses how far to let himself go.

4. Recognize the effects his abuse has had on you and your children, and show empathy for those. He needs to talk in detail about the short-and longterm impact that his abuse has had, including fear, loss of trust, anger, and loss of freedom and other rights. And he needs to do this without reverting to feeling sorry for himself or talking about how hard the experience has been for him.

5. Identify in detail his pattern of controlling behaviors and entitled attitudes. He needs to speak in detail about the day-to-day tactics of abuse he has used. Equally important, he must be able to identify his underlying beliefs and values that have driven those behaviors, such as considering himself entitled to constant attention, looking down on you as inferior, or believing that men aren’t responsible for their actions if “provoked” by a partner.

6. Develop respectful behaviors and attitudes to replace the abusive ones he is stopping. You can look for examples such as improving how well he listens to you during conflicts and at other times, carrying his weight of household responsibilities and child care, and supporting your independence. He has to demonstrate that he has come to accept the fact that you have rights and that they are equal to his.

7. Reevaluate his distorted image of you, replacing it with a more positive and empathic view. He has to recognize that he has had mental habits of focusing on and exaggerating his grievances against you and his perceptions of your weaknesses and to begin instead to compliment you and pay attention to your strengths and abilities.

8. Make amends for the damage he has done. He has to develop a sense that he has a debt to you and to your children as a result of his abusiveness. He can start to make up somewhat for his actions by being consistently kind and supportive, putting his own needs on the back burner for a couple of years, talking with people whom he has misled in regard to the abuse and admitting to them that he lied, paying for objects that he has damaged, and many other steps related to cleaning up the emotional and literal messes that his behaviors have caused. (At the same time, he needs to accept that he may never be able to fully compensate you.)

9. Accept the consequences of his actions. He should stop whining about, or blaming you for, problems that are the result of his abuse, such as your loss of desire to be sexual with him, the children’s tendency to prefer you, or the fact that he is on probation.

10. Commit to not repeating his abusive behaviors and honor that commitment. He should not place any conditions on his improvement, such as saying that he won’t call you names as long as you don’t raise your voice to him. If he does backslide, he cannot justify his abusive behaviors by saying, “But I’ve done great for five months; you can’t expect me to be perfect,” as if a good period earned him chips to spend on occasional abuse.

11. Accept the need to give up his privileges and do so. This means saying good-bye to double standards, to flirting with other women, to taking off with his friends all weekend while you look after the children, and to being allowed to express anger while you are not.

12. Accept that overcoming abusiveness is likely to be a lifelong process. He at no time can claim that his work is done by saying to you, “I’ve changed but you haven’t,” or complain that he is sick of hearing about his abuse and control and that “it’s time to get past all that.” He needs to come to terms with the fact that he will probably need to be working on his issues for good and that you may feel the effects of what he has done for many years.

13. Be willing to be accountable for his actions, both past and future. His attitude that he is above reproach has to be replaced by a willingness to accept feedback and criticism, to be honest about any backsliding, and to be answerable for what he does and how it affects you and your children.

If this sounds like a lot, that’s because it is. But as Bancroft says himself:

Abusive men don’t make lasting changes if they skip any of the above steps, and some are easier than others. Most of my clients find it fairly easy to apologize, for example. In fact, an abuser may weave apologies into his pattern of abuse, so that when he says “I’m sorry,” it becomes another weapon in his hand.

[...]

But even a genuine and sincere apology is only a starting point. Many of my clients make it through the first three steps: They admit to a substantial portion of their abuse; they agree that their actions resulted from choice rather than loss of control; and they apologize. Then they dig in their heels at that point. An abuser’s sense of entitlement is like a rude, arrogant voice screaming inside his head. It yells at him: “You’ve given up too much already; don’t budge another inch. They already talked you into saying your abuse is all your own fault when you know she’s at least half to blame because of the shit that she does. She should be grateful to you for apologizing; that wasn’t easy to do. She’s lucky you’ve gone this far; a lot of guys would tell her to go screw, you know.” And the voice drags him back into the mud that he had finally taken a couple of baby steps out of.

So if your conclusion from all of this is that there is no apology from Oz that will be good enough, what do you mean by “good enough”? Does “good enough” mean, displays that they will be able to affect genuine change on themselves and improve? Because if that’s the case, then you’re right. Abusers can and do sincerely and genuinely apologize, then go on to repeat the cycle of abuse once more.

That is the typical behavior after an apology. If Oz is going to stop being an abuser, they’re going to have to do a whole lot more than offer a good apology.

And this still wasn’t a good apology.

The second apology

This reads like Oz saw our criticisms and then, like a student making cuts to a paper after their teacher’s instruction, cut out everything we specifically objected to without understanding why we took umbrage with it in the first place.

Honestly? This is not a good start.

I’m going to respond to a request I’ve seen that I be more plainspoken and more direct. I originally worried that might come across flippant and dismissive, but I appreciate not everyone sees it the same way. I apologise in advance if this comes across a little too conversational or free-association.

The problem was not you talking “too smart” or with the “wrong tone” as you seemed to say in your conversation with @captain-ameribunny. The problem was that you were more interested in saying what you didn’t do and deflecting accountability than actually owning what you did.

I know I have hurt people and I am sorry. There were times it was absolutely my intent to do harm. Regardless of what reason I had, where I was in that moment, that’s what I did.

So why mention your reasons or “where you were in that moment” at all? Tucked away in the heart of that is the ghost of what you truncated from your first apology- all your attempts to say outside influences drove you to the behavior. It’s like a door you carved into your words. You shoved your justifications behind the threshold then closed the door behind them. Perfectly poised to open at the right opportunity to explain away what you did and why you did it. To others, and to yourself.

If you are one of those people, I apologise. Knowing full well the feelings of alienation that come from someone turning their anger on you, I engaged in that exact anger. I knowingly used that fear to bad ends and displayed a general lack of empathy.

I responded to conflict in destructive, unhealthy, and sometimes objectively cruel ways. I blurred the lines between the minor failures of others and critical flaws that define people for what they are. I used the simple humanity of other people as leverage against them and refused to show compassion for the pain that caused.

I harassed and held grudges against people who didn’t deserve it. When those people defended themselves, I used that natural and rational reaction as a reason to mock them and as proof of the vile image of them I had created.

This section has a very similar problem to the one previous. By claiming they blurred the lines between “the minor failures of others and critical flaws that define people for what they are,” Oz is still subtly saying that the people they went after did something wrong. They’ve essentially labeled their behavior as a destructive overreaction, but leaves room to state that sometimes it was deserved. 

Oz of course doesn’t clarify exactly which people “deserved it” and which didn’t.

I said in my previous apology that I am sorry for contributing to a cycle of anger and anguish and I stand by that. What I did made the world a worse place. I excused countless of my own wrongs that went on to hurt innocent people, directly and indirectly. There were times I saw the hurt I caused and simply chose to not care because of whatever validation I found to justify that and all I can say now is that I am sorry.

Honestly, a blanket apology isn’t enough for this. You gleefully trashed people publically for months. Sometimes years. You prided yourself on trying to drive your targets out of the community. If some of those people were innocent, wouldn’t directly coming out about how you mistreated them and you were wrong do a lot to help make things right?

But instead, you’re still asking for people to approach you in private for anything beyond general apologies.

I do not know who does and does not wish to speak with me about any of this and I do not want anyone to feel put-upon or isolated by me trying to initiate that. If you feel you would benefit from speaking to me about any way I’ve wronged you, please, I invite you to do so. I want to hear what you have to say and I would appreciate the chance to extend my apology to you personally.

First off, you’ve framed it in a way to sound like you’re leaving this at a blanket apology for the benefit of the people you’ve hurt. 

The thing is, if you’re not willing to publically walk back the specific terrible things you said and did, what’s to stop that harm from continuing? All the whispers you spread about people will persist. Reputations will still lie in tatters. 

And furthermore, if you’re not willing to publically state which specific examples were wrong, you’ve given us plenty of room to believe you’re apologizing for those examples without you actually ever stating you were abusive in that particular situation.

After all, you just reminded us that sometimes you went after people for “minor failures” but other times it was because of “critical flaws.” Which was which? Are you willing to own up to the exact examples you completely mistreated someone?

Frankly, it does you more good to leave this at a blanket apology than it does the people you hurt. It saves you from having to specifically look us in the eye and tell us that all that fire you breathed at so-and-so was actually abuse.

And beyond this, now that we’ve gone through your entire second apology- are you going to own up to how you first responded to people calling you out with unbridled rage? Then with talking repeatedly about how this was all just manufactured outrage that was going to blow over? Then with claims that other outside forces made you this way, that people enabled you, that your intentions were good, that this was just a relapse, and we should qualify and excuse your behavior for any or all of these reasons?

If you don’t actively own up to- and stop- this kind of behavior, then you won’t change.

Your only qualification on this post was that you weren’t plainspoken and direct enough the first time. Really, if that’s what you think the problem was, then you don’t get it at all.

So while we’re speaking of some of the specific things you said, let’s take a look at some examples.

Specific examples of behavior

The Tweets

Let’s recount the last time you actually got specific about anything you were accused of: https://imgur.com/a/GFfW0f2

This is the album of tweets that I linked in the last post I made. You’re still pretty general about it, sure. But you are speaking very clearly about various topics and saying that under no circumstances have you endorsed or done them.

As I pointed out in my last post, we have screenshots that show you did some of these things. So, is your stance still that you did not in fact do any of it, despite our hard evidence that you did? Which of the screenshots are things that you didn’t actually do? Are the people who provided those screenshots liars, or did you genuinely wrong them? I’d like to hear your explanation. Publically, please.

<<SASS>>

I’m going to start this section by linking @honhonoura​ ‘s post: http://honhonoura.tumblr.com/post/175621265651/i-am-a-knight-of-the-round-vegetable

But the reason I’m speaking on this in particular is, over the course of things, I was provided with some screenshots that I am now sharing with permission. Since you deleted your blog, it’s much harder to find evidence of your abuse, but as we’ve observed some of your victims recorded what you did to them long before. All of these posts were there. And they were very public, I might add.

Oz is going on about this here because one of the <<SASS>> members was autistic.

In it, Oz has stated that if someone is too mentally ill to accept responsibility for abusive actions and can’t stop themselves from abusing other people, they shouldn’t run a guild or put themselves in charge of others.

Here, Oz is very insistent that someone who has been abusive paints themselves as the victim, they’re doing something wrong. I presume that “painting yourself as a victim” includes stating that someone else abused you, which motivated you to be abusive yourself.

In both of these posts, Oz has made very strong statements about abuse and what it is acceptable for the abuser to do and not do. They were made in the context of calling someone else out, the context that @honhonoura​ elaborated on in her post.

Oz, do you still stand by your opinions in these posts? Do you believe you were justified in posting them? Do you believe they were aimed at an appropriate target? Would you say you went after <<SASS>> because you perceived, to use your own words, a “minor failure” or a “critical flaw that define people for what they are”?

Your post about <<SASS>> in 2018 before you deleted your Tumblr certainly gave every indication that you stood by what you did them in 2014. You were very willing to talk about them the same way today that you did back then, so I would like to hear your stance on everything I’ve just shared now. And again,  since you went to such great lengths to publically smear their name, I would like your response publically please. 

Balmung Blessings

I would like to share with everyone the two posts that motivated me to unfollow Balmung Blessings long before I knew who ran it.

Post 1: https://imgur.com/a/PU09rG1

Post 2: https://imgur.com/a/uuTL4tD

The first post is very... long. 

At the time I read it, not knowing Oz was involved, the part that gave me pause began where they spoke about how the blog was approaching 800 followers, which starts on image 9 of the album.

It struck me as deeply uncomfortable that their number of followers motivated their thoughts towards how that would give them power over the community. They spoke of it as influence and mused on how they “weren’t sure what to do with that ‘power.’” As if that was something that could be wielded over people.

Uh. When I approached 800 followers, you want to know what my biggest thought was?

“Ho jeez that’s a lot of people HOLY FUCK WHERE DID YOU ALL COME FROM man I better not be a fuckhead.”

The primary feeling that my follower count gives me- aside from general “when did you all get here??”- is a sense of responsibility. If a lot of people are going to read what I write, that means I should try extra hard to only contribute in productive and positive ways because I don’t want to inadvertently hurt people.

The very notion of looking at that number and perceiving it as power makes me feel sick. Physically ill, with a twist of revulsion to my stomach. I don’t care how many followers I have. I’m not here to control people.

Post 2 followed the first shortly after. So, this means that after Oz wrote about how much value they placed on the number of followers their blogs receive- specifically about the sense of power over other people it gave them- stated that they follow many FFXIV blogs because they interacted with Balmung Blessings.

If you interacted with Balmung Blessings, they were likely to bestow followership upon you- and all the significance Oz ascribed to it. Something like quid pro quo.

Back when these posts were written, this made me extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t like the idea that my interaction with the blog was being viewed by the blogrunner as a contribution to a platform to community power. So, I quietly unfollowed the blog.

Learning that Oz was the runner of Balmung Blessings certainly puts those two posts in a different light.

Oz, after all, has placed a great deal of importance on having weight in the community. They have used what influence they’ve sought to gather like a cudgel against other people. 

They were also not above using the Balmung Blessings platform to suit their own means. 

Post 3: https://imgur.com/a/Y439os2

This was made shortly before Oz deleted the blog.

[As a sidenote, I absolutely do not condone sending anonymous hate to anyone under any circumstances. And certainly not spurred by a secrets blog.]

First, even as Oz states they try not to pay too much attention to followers, they still referred to their number of followers as if that was some sort of personal endorsement. They continued to ascribe great meaning to that number, as if that gave them something.

Second, here we see Oz using the Balmung Blessings platform to discount the accusations being made against them- even though on Balmung Blessings they never stated their ownership of the blog- referring to it as “passing drama.” 

Third, they then proceed to talk about how callout posts don’t fix things, they are destructive, and they are wrong.

Oz, is this an opinion you share of the callout posts that you made? Because you have made many. 

And finally,

Post 4: https://imgur.com/a/u9TNaUb

Here under the Balmung Blessings platform, Oz asserts that “anyone has a place in our community as long as they’re doing their level best to be a good and conscientious member,” however if “someone thinks actively spreading hate and inevitably some amount of completely fallacious gossip is doing that,” then they need to either change or leave.

Between the posts about <<SASS>> and the messages relayed through the Balmung Blessings platform, it is clear that Oz has very strong opinions about what is right and wrong behavior when it comes to the actions of other people.

So, Oz. You’ve said an awful lot of things about how people who are shitty and toxic and abusive need to stop leading groups, how they have no excuses for their behavior, and how they either need to change or leave. 

What would you want someone to do if they’d wronged you the same way you’ve wronged other people?

 Are you willing to apply the same standards that you’ve ascribed to other people’s behavior for yourself? Were the standards themselves wrong? I would also like an answer to this. And just like the others, I would like it publically please.

Why are these answers important?

As detailed by Bancroft, just apologizing- sincerely or no- isn’t enough for an abuser to change.

The abuser has to fix their fundamental beliefs and behaviors. If they don’t, they will repeat the cycle of abuse.

The specific examples I’ve brought up throughout this post target a few main points in Oz’s conduct.

1. Denial, deflection, and poisoning the well. Oz has used all of these tactics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They have denied behavior we all saw proof of. They have deflected the accusations numerous ways- whether stating it’s all just drama that will blow over, blaming it on Adrian, so on and so forth. And they have actively smeared their targets in ways that are intended to make others distrust or disregard any accusations of wrongdoing.

All of these are common abuser behaviors used to escape criticism and responsibility. If Oz is to change, they will have to fully acknowledge the specific ways they perform these behaviors and then dismantle them. 

2. Entitlement. Abusers act on double-standards. They are entitled to enact a certain behavior or feel a particular emotion, but the abused is not. Anger is a common target. The abuser believes their anger is acceptable, however the anger of the abused is unreasonable or unjustified. And as Bancroft points out, just because the abuser apologizes, that doesn’t mean they’ve given these beliefs up.

If Oz is to change, they will have to acknowledge the disparities in their belief system that they utilized to justify their own behavior while castigating that same behavior in others. But not only that, they will have to relinquish all double-standards and any of the advantages those gave them. 

3. Power. To bring back the quote from Bancroft used in my previous post:

The term abuse is about power; it means that a person is taking advantage of a power imbalance to exploit or control someone else.

Oz’s fixation on and interpretation of follower counts speaks to a deepset focus on establishing power over other people. Indeed, that sort of power is something Oz has regularly sought out. They have openly spoken of getting a thrill out of making others afraid, and one need only look to one of their “crusades” to see how willing they are to use this power like a sledgehammer against someone else.

If Oz is to change, they are going to have to give this up. Period. Because fixing abusive behavior requires the abuser to relinquish the advantages that behaving abusively gave, Oz needs to relinquish their desire to obtain power. And they absolutely need to refrain from using their social platforms against other people. 

These three points are merely a handful of the beliefs and behaviors Oz will need to fix if they are going to change. 

Putting up a couple blanket apologies and telling people they can contact them privately for anything more isn’t anywhere close to what needs to happen. 

Given how perfectly everything fits into the cycle of abuse thus far, and with how rare it is for an abuser to actually change, I would advise everyone to be very cautious about taking their apologies as a sign that they will improve.

Oz, since I know you’re going to read this- I’ve said it once before and I’ll say it again. If you aren’t already getting professional help for this you should get some. And you should try to find someone who specializes in helping abusers. Be upfront with them about what you did, and don’t try to wriggle away from it.

If you are truly sincere about believing your behavior was reprehensible, then do what it takes to change it. This is what it takes. And it’s a long hard journey, but if you have the bravery and the strength to follow through, then it’ll be worth it in the end when you never hurt another person this way again.

[squirenonny]

Hi there!! Wrt you mentioning about team stimming parties, I was wondering, what types of stimming (toys, materials, their own body etc) do you think the paladins enjoy the most, or get the most benefit from. It's really enjoyable image ; w ; but I know some stims can conflict with other peoples needs, so what might be someones fave might annoy someone else. So I wonder what either makes them most happy, or helps them best when needed! (QwQ Those are intense circumstances they all live in.)

I got carried away,,

Keith: Mainly tactile stims, a few visual stims

Textures: there are Good textures, and there are Bad textures, which is why he always wears his same jacket (good texture) and gloves (first line of defense against bad textures–see also my post about Keith’s gloves). In general, wet and cold is definitely Bad, smooth is usually bad. His favorite textures are (a) layered (running his finger over the wrap on his knife and plucking at the edge of a layer) or (b) ribbed (things like corduroy, or the seams on jeans and jackets that have that edge he can catch his fingernail on.)

Repetitive motions: that classic thumb rubbing that we saw in his vlog. These are typically very tiny movements that he tries to hide–he’ll rub his toes together inside his shoe or tap the toe of his boot against the floor.

Deep pressure & buoyancy: Keith is pretty touch averse, so he doesn’t seek out deep pressure often, but if he’s in the right mood a Shiro (or Hunk) Hug is A++. He also needs a blanket to sleep, preferably two or three. Yes, even in the hottest part of summer. Tight pants/shirt are soothing, and ngl he likes his Blade uniform because it’s a more even pressure than the paladin armor, which is too heavy on his shoulders and too thin/flexible where there isn’t the outer layer of armor. On the flip side, he also likes swimming because of the bouyancy. (Interestingly, he hates the feel of rain/shower water falling on him. It’s just too overwhelming. But being in the water and just floating there is v relaxing.)

Visual stims: mostly the way light reflects off his blade when he twists it back and forth and similar reflection/refraction things (light reflecting off water, mirages, the abundance of glowy things in space… he’ll sometimes stare at the crystal on the bridge for the entire briefing–completely engaged with what people are saying, just. Staring at the ceiling. It’s mesmerizing, okay?)

Chewing: rare, but more common as he gets more comfortable around the other paladins. He used to chew on his pens at the Garrison all the time, and one of the reasons he keeps his hair long (aside from not having the spoons to cut it/get it cut and not liking change in the first place) is so that he can suck/chew on his hair. He had to cut it when he first entered the Garrison, and it’s just finally getting long enough to do it again.

The thing about Keith’s stims is that they’re all very lowkey things he an do to calm himself down without drawing anyone’s attention. Probably he had bad experiences at school or in a foster home with kids making fun of his stims or his foster parents/teachers hammering “sit still” and “quiet hands” into him until he completely stopped doing anything immediately noticeable. He used to flap and run around when he was happy, but he doesn’t do that so much anymore. (It’s coming back, though, especially with Pidge and Lance being such big stimmers.)

As a result, his stims don’t really bother the others too much. Lance has a moral objection to Keith chewing on his hair in particular, and if he’s using a chewer, the sound of it sometimes gets to Pidge, but that’s it.

Pidge: visual, vestibular, and auditory stims

Spinning, flapping, bouncing: A lot of Pidge’s stims involve moving around (see the entire time Beezer was onscreen.) There’s a spinny chair in Green’s lab for the express purpose of happy spins, and the team knows to be ready for excited flapping when something Pidge is working on comes out right. (Lance has been hit in the face on more than one occasion because he likes to drape himself over Pidge’s shoulder.) Bounces in place when bored, runs around the castle at odd hours, climbs the other paladins. Very much a “I have too much energy in me and need to expend it somehow” stimmer.

Music: Pidge usually has music playing in Green’s lab–invariably at deafening levels (the bass pulse in your chest is just as important as the music itself). Upbeat songs are best, but any kind of background noise will do. Has started a collection of alien music since this laptop only has a small portion of Pidge’s library (most of the hard drive was dedicated to Kerberos research/snooping on the Garrison.)

Echolalia: Pidge is big into echolalia. (Pidge isn’t the only one who’s big into echolalia. Lance is also a fan, and Hunk usually joins in when they start an echolalia party.) In particular, Pidge will quote movies/TV shows, echo robot noises back at whatever robot happens to be nearby, and make quiet trilling sounds while working on code

Misc visual stims: There isn’t any one thing Pidge goes to for visual stims, but gradual changes (a la screensavers, lava lamps, auroras, glitter jars) have a tendency to turn into time sinks. Pidge has absolutely spent an hour staring at a screen saver without realizing it while idly musing about programming problems.

Repetitive noises: Can be either good or bad. Mechanical sounds, electronic whirring, and other white noise are great. Sudden, jarring, or grating noises are huge Nos. (See Keith’s chewing and some of Lance’s echolalia.)

Pidge’s flapping and running has a tendency to make Shiro tense up, especially if he’s not in a good place to begin with, so Pidge sometimes has to remember to stay chill or just go somewhere else until the energy is gone. Keith doesn’t like how loud Pidge plays music (it hurts his ears), but he respects personal boundaries and won’t turn it down. He’ll leave if he can, and if he has to stay, he’ll get irritated and snappish until Pidge makes the connection and turns down the volume. It’s the only real sticking point between them when it comes to stims, and they’re working on better communication to make sure it isn’t an issue in the future.)

Lance: Primarily vestibular and auditory stims, plus deep pressure

Spinning, dancing, flying: Lance loves to move. He loves spinning and dancing and big motions and G-forces. (He’s a huge fan of roller coasters and other amusement park rides.) Flying is such a stim for him, holy crap. So much so that it can become a problem. Loops, barrel rolls, sharp turns, hard acceleration–he loves the way it all pushes on his body (see also: deep pressure) and the way it makes him hyper aware of the physical sense of motion. Sometimes he pays so much attention to the sensations that he momentarily loses track of where he’s going–which is why he still sometimes crashes/sideswipes the other lions.

Deep pressure: Lance is a very touchy person in general, but in particular he loves hugs and cuddle piles. His favorite thing is to have Pidge sprawled across his lap, or when he and Hunk are sprawled on the couch in a tangle of limbs, or group hugs, or–Yeah. all of the above. Deep pressure feels like home.

Aerial dance: A combination of vestibular and deep pressure stims. Loves the muscle control it requires for the same reason he loves G-forces while flying. It grounds him, makes him aware of the space he occupies. Add to that the pressure of the silks wrapped around his body and the spinning and negative Gs as he drops, and it’s just the best.

Echolalia: Lance and Pidge can have entire conversations in quotes. Lance also makes sound effects for anything and everything (in training, while flying/fighting in his lion, while cleaning, while dancing through the halls.) He sings nonsense tunes a lot and hums both for the sound and the feel of it.

Voices: Conversation itself can be a stim for Lance, regardless of whether or not he’s a participant. The fastest way for him to fall asleep is by having the people he cares about around talking (e.g. his parents laughing and joking as they clean up in the other room, Hunk and Lance talking less and less coherently as they fall asleep in their room at the Garrison, Pidge and Keith up late during a sleepover in the rec room talking in low voices.) Lance doesn’t even need to hear the words; there’s something soothing about the cadence of it. He’ll use TV or music as a substitute if he has to, and he finds it very hard to fall asleep in total silence.

Lance is a dramatic stimmer, so it totally depends on the rest of the team’s energy levels as to whether or not they’re bothered by it. Most of the time, Hunk and Pidge will join in, and the rest of the team at least doesn’t mind. If they’re tired, though, Lance’s raw energy can be Too Much. There were some clashes early on with Pidge until they worked out a system where Lance’s cuddles didn’t get in the way of Pidge’s hyperfocus on a project. Hunk’s cool with all of Lance’s stims except when he’s in the lion/ship Lance is piloting, because Lance’s stimmy rides make Hunk nauseous.

Mostly, though, if there’s a problem, it’s with Keith or Shiro–and even those are pretty rare. Keith is mostly just confused by Lance’s stims, and isn’t bothered by them unless he’s already in a bad mood and wants to be left alone. Then Lance’s big presence can be too much. And Shiro can be set on edge by Lance’s stims for the same reason Pidge’s can get to him: Shiro’s idea of soothing is calm and quiet, and both Lance and Pidge are… the opposite of that when they’re happy and relaxed. Lance picks up on this quick and usually is able to dial it back right away.

Hunk: Taste, smell, and tactile stims

Taste: Hunk must put All the things in his mouth. Tasting alien foods/spices, yes, but also anything. Flowers. Glittery pink snow-stuff. Purple water. He did this with the Olkari headsets, so I mean. It’s canon. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. This bleeds over into tactile stimming, honestly (see: Olkari headset making his tongue itchy. He sounds so pleased by that I just can’t. I love him.) It also has the unfortunate side effect of having put him in a pod more than once because he accidentally poisoned himself. Worth it, though.

Smell: Hunk cooks to calm down for two reasons. One, it breaks him out of his cyclical thoughts and other anxious habits, giving him something else to focus on that’s familiar and controllable. Two, the smells. Some people have scented candles. Hunk has a rack of extracts. Also, like? Flour has a really bland but comforting smell? And let’s not even get into the smell of a finished dish. Cookies? Pies? Bread?? The kitchen is paradise for many reasons, and olfactory stims are one.

Deep pressure: This team is united in their love of deep pressure, tbh. Group hugs are great all around, and Hunk’s only too happy to dish them out. Always glad to be a pillow for one of the other paladins. Wears a thick vest for that extra little bit of pressure around his chest.

Tinkering: There’s something really satisfying about feeling machine parts click into place under his hands–and the oil is only a bonus, as far as Hunk’s concerned. He’ll take things apart and put them back together on an endless repeat just to feel the weight/texture/shape of the pieces. Also great for repetitive motions. See: stimming with the wires and making the sentry bot hit itself while the younger paladins were waiting in the control room in season 1.

Misc tactile stims: Hunk just likes touching things/holding things/fiddling with things. He likes to have something to do with his hands, so even if he doesn’t mean to, he’ll usually find something to play with when he’s bored or trying to focus on something Shiro or Allura is saying.

Hunk, like Keith, has a lot of less obvious stims–though in Hunk’s case it’s less because he’s trying to suppress it and more because his favorite stims are typically ambient things. Put him in a happy environment and he’ll be happy. He’s grossed out almost everyone on the team by the kinds of things he licks/bites, and Pidge gets annoyed when his tinkering turns into fiddling with Pidge’s stuff. Otherwise, he’s pretty chill.

Shiro: Auditory, tactile, and a few vestibular stims

Shiro has two modes: lowkey and highkey

Lowkey Shiro likes things to be calm and quiet. Ambient noises (air in vents, breathing, his own heartbeat) can be stims, but anything that interrupts the (near) silence is a major Sensory Bad. Deep pressure is good when he’s in this state, as is the texture of whatever chair/couch/bed he’s resting on. He’ll be hyperaware of his body, especially its weight, and he’ll run through relaxation exercises or meditation techniques to chase that peculiar calmness that comes when he’s intimately aware of himself and his immediate environment but his mind is completely quiet.

Highkey Shiro, like Pidge, has too much energy and needs to burn it off. He’ll pace or go for a run, or spar, the pounding of his footsteps/clash of his arm on the gladiator’s weapon serving as a grounding force in addition to the release of restless energy. When he can’t leave to burn off energy, he’ll clench and unclench his prosthetic hand, squeeze his arms, and grind his teeth. The repetitive motion and the tug/pressure/pull of it is soothing and helps to take the edge off the frustration/anxiety/overstimulation he’s dealing with.

The most notable thing about Shiro is that almost all of his stims are unconscious–meditation/relaxation techniques being the main exception. He didn’t stim a whole lot before Kerberos, but he does it a lot more frequently after his capture.

As he gets to know the other paladins and becomes more familiar with their stims, he starts to be more deliberate about it–he wears a weighted vest like Hunk’s a lot of the time and usually has a fidget toy with him to stim with during long meetings. Lance also entices him out for relaxing flights in the lions, because as it turns out the sensations of piloting are good for Shiro the same way they are for Lance.

Shiro’s stims don’t bother anyone–in fact, for a long time, no one even realized Shiro was stimming–but he’s by far the most likely to be bothered by the other paladins’ stims. He needs to be in control of his environment, and unexpected/uncontrollable stimuli tend to set him on edge.

[narrans]

One Shot | September Prompts

SIX | Ask her

Logan found himself becoming more and more nocturnal by the day. Despite his best efforts, the temptation of reading new, exciting material was too great. After Ali left for work, he would rappel down to each book and read as much as he could before inevitably needing to return to the safety of the walls. He had a few, what he determined to be, close calls where he wanted to stay and finish the book but abandoned the pages of text for the safety of the walls before Ali came home. He was nearly certain now that Ali would not inflict harm or blatantly ignore his requests. Still, he could not bring himself to stand out in the open and converse with her.

He wondered if he ever could bare being out in the open like Roman or Remus or Patton or Hickory. He wondered what his parents and two older siblings would say if they were there. He guessed they would scold him for considering going out into the open with a human so close by. A painful pang seized his heart. Where was his family? He had been on his own for only six months before the hunt for borrowers began. Logan shook the thoughts away. Nothing could be done now. Nothing useful anyway. Where would he even look if he were able to leave the shelter safely? No. He needed to focus on the task at hand, which was find the books Ali put away and finish them. Logan, on just over a dozen occasions, was mere chapters away from the end when Ali returned home. Staying was not an option, but leaving so many novels incomplete was bothering him considerably. Logan remembered the titles. He remembered the page numbers. He just could not find them and pull them down in time.

Logan sat now in the top air vent pondering how he would go about completing the final chapters while he watched Ali tidying up her room. It was laundry day, which meant Logan spent his time lying on his back staring at the top of the vent and listening to Ali humming to herself or talking with Hickory. He remembered to bring along some cloth fragments to keep the metal from chilling his core and stinging his muscles. Today, Ali was humming. He heard this particular song before, but only knew the tune, not the words. It was repetitive and reminded him of a lullaby. His mind relaxed as he listened. Ali may be human, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy her humming.

Logan heard something. A quick, rhythmic pattern. Footsteps? Logan opened his eyes and glanced down each passage near him. He didn’t see anyone at the moment. He pressed his ear against the cold metallic surface of the vent, wishing for a moment he chose the place where his body had slightly warmed the surrounding surface. Definitely footsteps. Just one set, approaching at a semi-rapid pace. Definitely a borrower. Logan remembered the sound of skittering footsteps from the old house he was in when he lived on his own. The sound of mice feet scraping their long nails against the vents was quite distinct with enough practice. Logan, poised to react, wrapped his fingers against his thumbtack. A figure emerged from the end of the passage. Instantly, Logan felt a weight drop in the pit of his stomach. It was Hickory.

“Well well… hello wall creeper,” she said in her usual sarcastic but friendly tone. “Getting a nice view?” Logan felt himself blush as he straightened his back to his full height and stepped away from the air vent grate.

“I haven’t been watching. I have been listening, and I’ll thank you to remember it,” retorted Logan, folding his arms beneath his poncho.

“Aw, don’t be like that specs. I’m just teasing. Anyway, what are you listening for?” Hickory walked to the vent and leaned against it, staring down at the unsuspecting Ali. Logan adjusted his glasses.

“I was listening for Ali to leave so I could…” Logan stopped himself. If he told Hickory, she would undoubtedly taunt him for being afraid of her human counterpart.

Unfortunately, Logan didn’t stop himself in time. “What? Go down there? And read some more? Wow, you’re such a nerd.” Hickory folded her arms across her chest. “You don’t have to be afraid of her, you know. She’s one of the good ones.”

“As I have been told many times prior,” stated Logan. “Still, some of us possess instincts which are more than a major challenge to disregard.” Hickory opened her mouth to make some kind of argument, but instead closed her mouth and turned her eyes back to Ali.

“Yeah… Ali mentioned that not too long ago…” Something in Hickory’s tone was different. Somber perhaps? She certainly deflated from her previous, bombastic demeanor. “Sorry.” Logan was taken aback by Hickory’s sudden apology, and for what she was sorry for he was unsure.

“Pardon?” Hickory glared at him for a moment before her features softened again.

“You heard me specs! Sorry… last time I found you wandering around the room, I quote unquote ‘ratted’ you out to Ali. She wasn’t mad or anything, but we talked about it. We’re all here for a reason. The shelter I mean. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to talk to someone who works with medicine, you with the Witch in the lab and all… Sorry… that was insensitive. At least, that’s what Ali would say.” Logan had never seen this side of Hickory. She was being far more quiet and reserved than some of the other borrowers he encountered.

“Well,” Logan cleared his throat awkwardly. “It is quite alright. No apology needed, but it is appreciated. Thank you.”

“So, why are you here? Really?” asked Hickory, now not making eye contact with Logan.

“I… er…” Logan braced himself. He didn’t feel like provoking Hickory into revealing he was nearby again, but perhaps she was feeling generous. Logan calmed himself with a breath while he organized his thoughts. “I was hoping to finish a few books actually. There are about a dozen or so which were put away before I finished. I know exactly where I am in the books. I just need to find them and finish them quickly.”

Hickory glanced over her shoulder, and amused glint in her eye. “You know there’s a really simple solution to that right?”

“And that is?” prompted Logan.

“Ask her.” Logan steadied himself, realizing Hickory would instantly resolve the issue with a simple “talk to the human” jab.

“Easy for you to say,” Logan muttered. “You talk to her all of the time.” Hickory unfolded her arms and turned to Logan.

“You can talk to her without walking right up to her you know.” Logan’s expression changed from nervous to confused, so Hickory elaborated.

“But…”

She glanced back down the passageway. “Wait here for a second.” Hickory sprinted back down the vents as fast as her legs could carry her. Logan felt himself shrink back. What was she about to do? Logan waited for a minute, dreading what he might see down below in Ali’s room. Sure enough, much to his dismay, Hickory emerged from the wall socket and ran across the desk. She asked Ali something which he could neither hear nor interpret, to which Ali simply pointed to one of the drawers on the desk. Ali continued folding clothing while Hickory bundled something in a backpack and began the trek back. What could Hickory be up to? Logan heard Hickory’s frantic footsteps before he watched her slide down the vent toward him.

“You know how to read. So, you probably know how to write too, yeah? Just write to her,” Hickory sputtered between panting breaths. From her backpack, Hickory produced a stack of Post-It notes which were half of their normal size as well as a few borrower sized pencils. “The humans made these weirdo pencils that you could take out the top pencil and put it in the end. It was this never-ending pencil. Humans may not use them very much, but they’re perfect for us.” Hickory shoved the borrowings into Logan’s arms.

Logan was at a loss for what to say. Hickory, against Logan’s initial conclusions about her, was helpful. “Thank you,” he managed to stammer after a moment of absorbing the shocking scenario he just witnessed. He set the notes and pencils on the ground, not sure where to start. “Do… do I give this to you? Or…” Hickory moaned and rolled her eyes, then sat next to Logan in a huff.

“Honestly, you’re pitiful. Just slip the note through the vent grate like this.” Hickory wrote a quick and messy ‘Hey human’ on the note before folding it, walking up to the grate, and shoving it through. The bright colored paper twisted as it fell through the air, catching Ali’s attention. She stopped folding laundry and walked up to the note which was now on the floor by the bookshelves by the door. Ali unfolded the note, a smile spreading across her face, before she held it up and waved it in a friendly greeting.

“What’s this about, Hickory? Not like you to leave notes,” Ali smiled sassily and resumed her chores, which she had almost completed. Hickory, pleased, beamed at Logan.

“See? It’s that easy. Just make sure to write in big letters. She has good eyesight, but we want to make sure she doesn’t ware it out. Okay? Also, if you don’t want Ali to take away the book, you can leave a piece of one of those sticky notes in the pages like a bookmark. She’ll leave it alone.” Hickory stood and walked away from the vent. Before leaving, she turned back to Logan for a moment.

“Like I said, she’s one of the good ones. She doesn’t show it and would never say anything, but it hurts her feelings when she’s not given the chance to earn someone’s trust. Even if you don’t talk to her, a little gratitude goes a long way. A simple ‘thank you’ would suffice.”

Logan watched Hickory dart back down the vents toward Ali’s room. He was once again surrounded only by the sound of the whirring vents and the faint sounds of Ali’s hummed song. He did not see Hickory re-enter the room, and he wasn’t sure he wanted her to. Not yet anyway. With his best penmanship, Logan wrote out the first three book titles he wanted to finish with the page number where he dropped off during his reading. He folded the note, his mind drifting once again to what his parents and siblings would say or think of him for communicating with a human, even if it was through writing. Logan stared at his handwriting for a moment. Before he could convince himself otherwise, Logan shoved the note through the vent grate and watched his note spiral and twist through the air until it landed on the ground. Ali caught sight of the note and approached.

“You know, Hickory, you’re getting weird…er…” Ali’s voice faltered as her eyes traced over the lettering. She knew instantly this was not Hickory’s writing. The penmanship was too neat. Everything was spelled correctly. There were even page numbers. Ali almost looked up to the vent but stopped herself halfway as though she remembered something. Instead, she gave a curious hum and a smile before scanning the book spines for the correct novels on the piece of paper. It took a minute to retrieve the books and to find a few more wooden book stands, but she finally set up all three books at their appropriate pages near the base of her desk. Logan sat cross-legged, astounded, as he watched Ali take special care of the note and overall set up of the books near the desk leg. It provided excellent cover as well as optimal lighting.

Knowing she would be leaving soon, Logan gathered up the Post-It stack, pencils, and scraps of cloth and hurried down to the path to her room. Ali would be leaving for work soon, and he wanted the chance to finish all three novels as well as write a few more notes. This new writing system was promising and lifted a great weight from his chest, a weight which snaked its way through his lungs and threatened to prevent him from breathing. After a while, Ali packed her bag and headed out for the night. The door clicked shut. Now was the time to strike. Logan stepped onto the desk, removed his grappling hook, and rappelled down to the ground next to the books. He hesitated as his eyes caught another note laid beside the far right book. The note read, “Enjoy 😊. Let me know if there are any others you want to read.” Logan couldn’t help but smile to himself, a new-found power stirring inside him. He could communicate with a human. This was how he could further establish Ali’s trustworthiness, all stemming from Hickory’s simple solution. “Ask her.”

Continue

Previous

Beginning

[yukipri]

I never experienced art theft until one of my works became unexpectedly popular- since then, I've found my work reposted, redrawn, and used as reference for cosplays. It's been exhausting, both seeing it, and not knowing WHERE I should stand on the issue. I've let redraws slide (with credit), but I plan on not allowing future ones from occurring. How do you deal with art theft? How do you continue drawing without thinking about the disrespect thrown at you during bad/failed confrontations?

I am so, so incredibly sorry this happened to you, and empathize very strongly with you. Art theft SUCKS, few things can be quite as demotivating as a creator than having something you’ve worked your ass off on swiped by someone else. And unfortunately, given the current internet culture, if you continue as an online artist it’s inevitable that it’ll happen at one point or another.

Because sure, of course part of the reason why we create is because we want to, but a large part of the motivation for sharing it is to hopefully get some response that people like it, whether it be in the form of likes, reblogs, comments, asks, tags, or anything else. That is the tangible PROOF that our work touched someone, and for someone who put in zero effort and has no idea how we felt while creating to receive all of that instead of us…sucks.

I think where you stand on the issue is up to you, and it’s okay for it to change. YOU always have the right to decide how you’re comfortable with people sharing your art, and your feelings are valid regardless of how they change.

Ironically enough, I just had another art theft on Instagram (my Anniversary post) super recently, so I was like HAH when I got this orz

This rant got a bit long, so the rest beneath cut but here’s a rundown about how my feelings towards art theft have evolved over the years.

For example, over the years I’ve gotten much, MUCH stricter. My earliest online art, I just put it up, no url, oftentimes no signature, no warnings in the comments or my blog bio. Admittedly I was starting out and didn’t have much viewers anyway, but the point was I still had Trust at the time.

Then the art thefts began. I started adding my url to all my illustrations, even if it was just small in the corner, as this’d let people at least find my website. Most people are too lazy to type out a url though, and I’ve seen people asking “Who drew this??” on art theft comments EVEN WHEN THE URL IS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE…

And then people started cropping my watermarks. I made my url bigger, and started adding an additional “DO NOT REPOST” to the image itself. I used to allow reposts with credits on platforms I’m not on, like fb, until I realized that people were then reposting from THOSE communities without credit and putting them into their videos and fics and I just…decided it wasn’t worth it.

I switched to no reposts PERIOD. I have lengthy disclaimers on all of my art that leads to an even lengthier FAQ post that, should people wish to look, leads to even an even more detailed post about WHY art theft sucks, as I’m explaining now.

(EDIT: ALSO, reduce the quality of the images you upload, and NEVER upload the full resolution, and try to keep you unmerged original files. This is for several reasons: no matter how much an art thief reposts your work, they’ll never have access to the higher resolution, and if they ever decide to try to print to sell for profit it’ll be shitty quality compared to anything you make with the original. ALSO, you having the maximum resolution with no watermarking with additional unmerged psd files will be proof that you are the true creator should you need to prove it, which I’ve heard is sometimes necessary to show when your art is stolen at say, an artist alley)

I also used to bother trying to talk to art reposters. I’d comment on the post, try to send messages, etc. It’s fucking exhausting, and while there are some exceptions, the VAST majority of art thiefs will feel attacked and immediately get rude and defensive. (the failed confrontations and disrespect you mentioned orz) If it’s a large community, they may even try to gang up on you. I’ve unfortunately experienced this most frequently in communities centered around other languages (mainly Spanish) because of different mainstream attitudes towards art reposting etiquette combined with a language barrier.

You will, and no doubt already have, encountered people who will argue with you, like the people I describe above. “You should be grateful for the bigger audience!” “We just want to appreciate your art, how can you be so horrible?” “We’re all fans together!” “This is fanart and doesn’t belong to you anyway!” Etc. etc. etc. It’s exhausting, it’s repetitive, it’s neverending, and you already felt awful before it even began and the stress just continues to build.

So I personally have just begun reporting people, if the service allows it. Use DMCA takedown request forms (and YES, even if it’s fanart it’s still yours if you drew it). This is stressful too because it sends your real name + info to the reposter (and wow I clearly can’t trust these people to begin with, why would I want them to have that???) but most sites (facebook, instagram, certainly tumblr, twitter) are very efficient and responsive, and in the end the relief of receiving that email that the art has been taken down is worth it. Especially with facebook, they also send a scary official warning email to the reposters which I sincerely hope will help educate them and discourage future art thefts.

I try to avoid posting public urls because yes I’m aware how mob mentality Tumblr can get, but sometimes it’s just too much. There’s no convenient form of getting my content removed (perhaps bc it’s in a compilation with a ton of other content), or for some reason my attempts to communicate have failed. In those times I have occasionally asked my followers to help, with a reminder to PLEASE always be polite and respectful, regardless of the offense. Y’all have been amazing, and this has saved me many nights of crying in the past.

I will sometimes also write lengthy posts (like this one!) to help educate. Because I do feel that art theft will continue so long as people don’t understand what it does to artists, and it’s up to the community as a whole to make that change, which also depends heavily on the consumers not just creators. A lot of art theft really isn’t intentionally meant to harm, but IS super ignorant.

But in the end, all I’ve ranted about so far is how I’ve dealt with actually removing/dealing with the shit. But the emotional pain, it builds. Sometimes, when it’s too frequent and the stolen art gets way more attention than my original that I worked my ass off on that basically flunked on my own platforms, I feel a bit of me break.

And in the end, it’s up to you what that threshold is, where posting art and feeling good about it is overwhelmed by the pain, fear, and anxiety of art theft. I’ve crossed my own threshold too many times, and once had to take an art hiatus because of it (fandom was BH6). This lead to a break in my productivity and motivation and my eventual complete departure form the fandom. I’ve seen many other artists just stop posting art entirely or moving everything to private. It’s terrible, but my feelings are with these artists, and I feel so, so sorry that they were hurt so much to the extent they had to do this.

With my current fandom and followers, I feel that regardless of how niche an audience my content tends to be geared for, I have a community that is really satisfying for me to create for, one that is responsive to me and gives me tons of feedback. This is the number one reason why i continue to feel motivated to post a ton of online content despite the risks.

The takeaway form this long meandering post: Posting online is a hobby, it’s for fun, and I don’t make any money off my public audience (unless they come to Patreon! LOL!), so I’m a firm believer that once the anxiety + misery starts outweighing anything positive you personally may get from sharing online, which for me heavily depends on my audience and their responsiveness, there’s no reason to subject yourself to that anymore and you are in no way obligated to stay. There are various methods to more efficiently get rid of art thefts without dealing with them in person which is stressful AF, and also ways of marking up your content in ways that may look less aesthetically pleasing, but will hopefully discourage art thefts, and at the very least give them very little leg to stand on should they do it anyway. How forgiving you are in art thefts also depends on you, but the more forgiving you are, the more it can get away from you. And in the end, YOU as a human are more important than any complaints about art looking less pleasing or the feelings of art thefts who don’t get to do what they want with YOUR hard work.

Sorry this was so disjointed and literally just me spewing at you, but I hope some of it was helpful ^ ^; Please let me know if I can give you any other advice, and I’m sorry again that you have to deal with this ;_;

(and to respond to your second ask, I do try to respond to most of my asks, but sometimes it takes a while (sometimes even months orz), especially if it’s one that requires a lengthy detailed answer like this one ^ ^; thank you for your patience!)

[deputyscreed]

slurred words

@earlygraave || ( accepting )

Send “slurred words” to hear my muse describe yours whilst ridiculously drunk.

Usually she didn’t get like this. The last time she got drunk had been back on the west coast, back home with a bunch of people shedidn’t talk to anymore. Funny, how people rotated in and out of her life like that,but she didn’t regret it. That said, she wasn’t eager to make a fool of herselfat her new job when she wasn’t even a year in and still on probation, but asolid seventy-two hours off for the first time since she’d taken the postingwas meant to be celebrated. Or so Joey Hudson insisted alongside Staci Pratt,but she had a feeling the two just wanted to know what she’d be like whendrunk.

To their disappointment she was rather benign and anticlimacticin her behavior. Slower, carefully speaking, and retaining an awareness of her surroundingseven while she was pink in the cheeks. The most exciting thing was that she was a little bit looser with her sharptongue. The rookie wasn’t a loud drunk but she wasn’t quiet either. She toldstories when asked about it, was careful to skirt around anything personal butthe more bizarre of medical calls from Seattle she was happy to share. Thepeople of the Spread Eagle seemed to love the storyteller they’d managed to getfor the night, up until she said she had to go. It was late, she was tired, thebeer made her sleepy –– the usual excuses to cut an evening short. She’d gottengood at them. A few groaned in protest because this was the most interaction thenewcomer to the department had with the locals, but they let her go after she promised to finish her story about the guy with the glass eye next time she came by. Creed slips off the stool and out the front door, leaving the locals to their drinks and darts.

It’s not until she’s about halfway down the main road ofFall’s End that she realizes she doesn’t have a ride. Hudson had been on duty, lingering around to witness Creed’s drunken behavior, but she had to respond to a call about ‘that fucking Seedlawyer again’, leaving Creed alone. Creed didn’t knowanyone. That was her own fault she supposes given that’s how she kept things.

It was simpler that way.

But now she had to walk all the way to her house, milesaway and damned near bordering the Whitetails. Great. She’s not sure she can even find her way back there but atleast it’s summer so assuming she does pass out in a ditch somewhere sheshouldn’t freeze to death. Time has little meaning when drunk and she has noidea as to how far she’s gone or how long it’s taken her when a truck pulls upalongside her. She stops and turns, blinking at the symbol for that project paintedon the side. It’s the first thing she notices. The second is the woman behindthe wheel.

“Do you need aride?” She has a sweet voice.

“You have a nicevoice.” Aw shit she said that aloud. She definitely needed somethingmore in her to soak up the liquor other than the French fries Mary May had beenpeddling her way. Creed slaps a hand over her face and sighs. “Sorry ma’am I don’t think I can accept rides from strangers.” Thehand drops to hang by her side. “Projectstrangers.” ‘Prangers’, her mind helpfully supplies and she has to roll herlips inwards and bite down on them to keep from laughing.

The woman said something, and she realizes that shemust’ve introduced herself but she was too busy trying not to laugh at her owndumb joke. Wary, but unwilling to walk the ten miles or so back to her placeshe paces around the back of the truck and gets into the passenger seat, buckling herself in. She givesher address, or more accurately tries to give directions to where she lives and the stranger seems to pick up on it well enough. “Thank you for the ride. Nice of you to do.”She says before they set off, “Thisusually isn’t an issue.” Her being drunk without a ride or capable of driving herself. Creed’s eyes drop to the radio when she recognizesthe station playing the project’s music. Of course. They are in a project truck.If Hudson or Pratt see her in this, they’ll neverlet her live it down. Creed sinks a few inches down in the seat. The ride,the woman’s voice as she speaks, it lulls her into a strange comfort and beforeshe knows it she’s in a semi-conscious state, listening and making ‘mhms’whenever the other woman pauses but not retaining any of it. When the truck comes to a stop she sits up and they’re already in front of the shitty cabin she’s renting from Adelaide.

Creed unbuckles her seatbelt and hops out, turning to give agrateful smile. “Thanks again. You’rereally nice.” She blinks, “I alreadysaid that.” The woman laughs. She doesn’t seem bothered by her repetition butCreed is embarrassed, and turns to hurry up the front steps to her door,fishing for the key in her pocket. She fits it in the lock, turns it and thedoor swings inward. She’s one step in when she realizes the truck hasn’t left yet. Slowly, Creedturns in the doorway and the woman lifts a hand in farewell before backing outof the gravel driveway and going back from the way she came.

“Oh, she waiteduntil I was inside.” Thatwas really nice of her to do.

[dricaswrites]

Game of the Year 2016: Has There Ever Been a Better Time to Play Video Games? The Answer May Surprise You!

This article has also been posted to my blog on the website Giant Bomb. You can read it there as well if you’d like.

Hey, internet. You might remember me from such hit gaming crit pieces like the game of the year list I wrote last year, or the 0 other things I wrote about games because I’m a lazy idiot and I didn’t have the time or energy to write anything else in the time from then till now. Woops. I meant to write more, I swear.

Anyways, a lot of bad, scary shit happened this year and I’m sure if you possess both a heartbeat and the ability to understand communication about the outside world you know that already, so attempting to address any of that in a silly video game ranking list seems like a bad idea. But if we were to judge 2016 purely by how good its video games were (which, as we all know, is the only metric that matters), I’d say 2016 was a pretty good year.

So good, in fact, that I kind of feel bad that I either didn’t even get the chance to play certain games, or that I wasn’t as into certain other games that others seemed to love. Sorry, DOOM, I just don’t love you the way everyone else does. I appreciate your tongue-in-cheek tone, fast-paced action, and the mere fact that a critically acclaimed Doom game exists in 2016, but you just didn’t click for me. Sorry Civilization VI and Dark Souls III, you both surprised me that I actually liked you, given that I didn’t care for Civilization V or any of the other Souls games, but you’re both unfortunate victims to me just plain liking other games better than you. And finally, sorry to Planet Coaster, Thumper, Titanfall 2, Brigador, Watch Dogs 2, Darkest Dungeon and probably a few more I’m forgetting. I just didn’t have the time and/or money to get to play much of any of you. I probably would have liked at least a few of you if time and money weren’t obstacles.

But enough doom and gloom and apologia. It’s time to get to the games I enjoyed the hell out of in 2016.

11. Death Road to Canada

Adding Death Road to Canada to this list feels a bit weird to me. Not because I don’t enjoy it – I do, quite a bit, actually. It’s just that despite how much I enjoy my time playing it, it’s a hard game for me to recommend.

For those of you that don’t know what the game is, the premise is as follows: After a zombie apocalypse destroyed most nations on Earth, only Canada exists as a last bastion of uninterrupted civilized life. You play as a group of up to four either custom made, randomly generated, or rare special event survivors as you make your increasingly difficult trip through generic American towns seeking shelter in Canada. Throughout your trip, you’ll fight off zombies, gather supplies, build your survival skills up, and try to have your group of survivors not kill or double cross each other. It’s essentially Oregon Trail but with zombies (and way better than the other game that tried to do the same thing).

Despite the premise, the game is pretty goofy, with jaunty 8-bit rockabilly tracks and humorous dialog and events littering the death road. Which is actually one of the first reasons I might not recommend it for everyone, actually. The comedic writing hits more than it misses, but when it misses, boy does it miss. Between its actually funny original writing there’s the occasional joke that’s referential for the sake of being referential, as well as enough jokes about Canadian stereotypes that it’s actually occasionally grating.

The combat in it could also be better. It’s essentially one button to attack, with your character’s effectiveness with their weapon of choice (as well as their stamina and ability to repeatedly use it, if it’s a melee weapon) being based on said character’s stats. It works, but it might be a bit too shallow for some.

But despite that, I still really, really enjoyed most of the time I spent playing this game this year. The game’s RPG mechanics are actually surprisingly well done, with much of your characters’ stats being initially hidden until it actually comes time for them to use them. The random events that happen between resource gathering missions are usually pretty funnily written and occasionally oddly humanizing in their pettiness, involving things like arguments over who let a nasty fart rip in the car, or what song to play on the radio. Sometimes, some of your characters will even be bummed out if you do something good like help other survivors with no reward if they’re assholes. It’s things like that that give the game its real charm and appeal to me, and what gets me invested in making sure my group of survivors makes their way to Canada.

I’ve already written way more than I expected to about this game, so I’ll close by saying that despite the relatively low amount of songs in the game’s soundtrack leading it to be a bit repetitive, what’s in there is pretty stellar. This one in particular is my favorite.

10. Superhot

Superhot is probably one of the most stylish and cohesive games I’ve ever played. It’s very short, but only because it doesn’t need to be any longer. It busts down your door, delivers a gut punch of stylized hyperviolence, then puts a shotgun under your chin and blows your head off with its unexpectedly off-the-wall narrative, leaving you shattered in pieces by the time it’s done like the many red, featureless enemies featured throughout the game.

In other words, Superhot is the most innovative shooter I’ve played in years.

9. Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2

For me, Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2 is the video game equivalent of comfort food. I’ve already stated in my list last year for the previous installment in this game series how I have a kind of nostalgia for Dragon Ball Z, fueled by how often I watched it with my brother when we were kids. Playing Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2 takes me back to the show’s overly dramatic storylines and over the top battles that are endearingly cheesy to watch as an adult.

But this sequel has quite a bit more going for it than pure nostalgia factor. The mission structure feels much more smartly designed than its predecessor. I’ve also felt like there’s just overall more to do in this sequel than I did with the last game. I’m not sure if there’s actually more side quests or if the game has just guided me through all it has to offer better than the last one did, but the end result is the same.

Sure, the combat is still pretty button mashy, but that almost feels appropriate to the source material. Dragon Ball Xenoverse 2 isn’t the deepest fighting game ever (and probably not even a fighting game at all but I don’t give a shit about that argument at all), and I don’t know if someone who doesn’t have at least a bit of reverence for the Dragon Ball universe would enjoy playing it, but none of that matters to me. It makes me feel all warm and happy inside when I play it and I love it for that.

8. Pokémon Moon

Despite considering myself a fan of the Pokémon franchise, I haven’t played most of the Pokémon games. My first was Pokémon Red/Blue when I was a kid. Being a certified 90’s Baby™, I was the perfect age to fall in love with both that game and the cartoon that spawned from it.

After I stopped watching the show or caring about the first game, I lapsed on playing any Pokémon games all the way until Pokémon X/Y came out a few years ago. While I enjoyed that game for what it was, in a lot of ways it felt like it was clinging onto to a few old design decisions, either out of complacency or some misguided notion of what a game in the series should be. I kind of checked out on playing it before I beat it, likely because of how clunky it could be at times.

With Pokémon Sun/Moon, it feels like Game Freak has learned this lesson and made the game feel a lot more like a modern video game, at least for the most part. There’s still a few weird clunky bits and questionable design decisions here and there (I’m looking straight at you, theoretically infinite calling-for-help mechanic), but overall, it’s much more pleasant to both navigate and play. For example, once you battle an individual Pokémon at least one time, the next time you battle the same type of Pokémon, the game will tell you which of your moves will be super effective, effective, or not effective. Quality of life improvements like that have gone a long way in improving my experience with the game.

The game’s fake Hawaii setting of Alola is also a really pleasant place to be. Everything about it from the music to the palm trees and tropical clothing make the game just feel chill, man. It’s an inviting world that was a joy to visit every time I launched the game this year.

Also Team Litten 4 lyfe

7. Stellaris

I’ve been a huge fan of the Paradox style of grand strategy games ever since Crusader Kings II stole many hours of my life a few years ago. Since then, I’ve spent countless more hours in Paradox’s other offerings, such as Victoria II and Europa Universalis IV. But despite how much I enjoyed their more historically-oriented offerings, I always felt like they could apply this formula to more fantastical settings.

So needless to say, when Stellaris was announced, I was super excited for it. So much so that it almost feels like a bit of a disappointment that it’s not higher (lower? How do lists work) on my list. A relatively shaky launch marred with an almost nonexistent midgame and a few technical issues soured me a bit on the game initially.

That being said, after a few post-release patches addressing this and a few other balancing issues, the game feels like it’s most of the way to where it should be. The political ethos system you can set for your race at the start of the game is the perfect springboard for thinking about how you want to roleplay your empire, which has been the most enjoyable part of the game for me. It’s easy to get lost for hours playing the game and tackling any issues that come your way how you think your empire would handle them, not necessarily how you would personally handle them.

I still wish the game had the political and economic complexity of Victoria II and the depth of character of Crusader Kings II, but nonetheless Stellaris has been another Paradox grand strategy title worthy of the hours it’s sucked from my life.

6. My Summer Car

So, I know what you’re probably thinking seeing this game on my list. This has gotta be a joke, right? Nobody would enjoy this clunky, bizarre mess of a game enough to have it on their game of the year list, right?

Believe me, I felt similarly when I first started playing My Summer Car. The premise and all the pre-release trailers almost made it feel like a joke game, like your Surgeon Simulators or your Goat Simulators. But at some point during my time with My Summer Car, it stopped being a joke for me.

At least not entirely. It’s still a game with a dry, distinctly Finnish sense of humor, but the  crude humor almost belies the game’s mechanical depth. When you’re putting your car together, you literally have to put your car together, piece by piece, bolt by bolt. It’s strangely therapeutic to put your digital hoopty together. There’s a real sense of accomplishment once you finish your build and fire your car up for the first time.

What’s great is the fact that your car will always kind of be a piece of shit in My Summer Car. When I first started my car up after my initial build, the car kept making a horrifying grinding sound. Also it was eating through brake fluid like nobody’s business. It felt like I was really struggling to put a piece of shit old car into a semi-drivable state.

It’s an extremely janky game for sure, but its intricate car building mechanics punctuated with bizarre Finnish pop songs and copious amounts of drinking make My Summer Car legitimately one of the most unique video games I’ve ever played. I can’t wait to see it come out of early access.

5. Motorsport Manager

In a lot of ways, Motorsport Manager is the game I’ve wanted to make for years. Ever since I got into F1 thanks to Giant Bomb’s Alt+F1 podcast, I dreamed of a modern F1 management game that had Crusader Kings II-like traits for all the characters in the game. To be fair, there have definitely been well-received F1 management games made in the past, but Motorsport Manager is a great, modern take on the idea.

A deep set of skills and traits make a lot of the drivers that populate your game’s race world feel unique. If your driver is a bit of a primadonna, they could refuse any orders you attempt to give to them, as they want all the glory for themselves. Drivers can fall in and out of love with each other, which affects their relationships with each other as well as their performance.

It’s not just a spreadsheet game, either. Outside of the more menu driven ways you micromanage the more minute details of your team, you also manage your race strategy on the fly during the actual race. You decide when your drivers pit, as well as when they push their cars to the limit and when they ease off to conserve fuel and car part wear.

There’s a few problems I have with the game, such as the fact that, despite the game’s use of fictional drivers, the pool of rookies and drivers signed to teams at the start of the game is set in stone and not randomly generated, meaning you can just remember which drivers and staff members are good to sign at the start of every game, rather than a more dynamic hiring process that randomly generated drivers and staff would allow. There’s also a few issues the race AI has in regards to respecting blue flags, making overtakes when they have the opportunity to, and making pit stops that make sense.

But a few minor quibbles didn’t hamper my enjoyment of the game that much. The loop of the game is engrossing enough that I often found myself playing the game for hours on end without intending to, telling myself that I’d play for just one more race. It’s got some room for improvement for sure, but Motorsport Manager is pretty much everything I want out of an F1 management game.

4. American Truck Simulator

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve found myself appreciating games that embrace mundanity more and more. Games like American Truck Simulator appeal to me because I feel like it respects me enough to simply enjoy driving in the space between towns that are often ignored in games. There’s probably a million different ways that SCS Software could have made the game feel more “gamey”, like the boring racing and other types of minigames that other open world games have at such a rate that it almost feels like they are required to by law, but they didn’t. The game doesn’t cut down the long and winding roads between major cities out of a fear of a lack of excitement. Rather, it revels in those spaces.

The game currently simulates California, Nevada, and Arizona, with plans to eventually get to the rest of the country stated by the developers. Despite this relatively large area, the world of American Truck Simulator is surprisingly detailed. Little bits of personality like roadside sculptures made from propane tanks, burned out hotels with bare mattresses laid on the floor, and billboards around Las Vegas for divorce lawyers are littered all over, making the world feel more lived in than you might expect from a game like this.

It’s a game that many people describe as a “podcast game”, and while that’s not an inaccurate statement, I prefer to make a playlist of my favorite sad, slow, contemplative songs and hit the road. There’s in-game internet radio, much like Euro Truck Simulator 2, and while it’s fun to listen to hokey country music stations and the like, there’s a certain zen-like state that my mind goes to when driving down long highways and through small towns while listening to my playlist that kept me wanting to come back to this game throughout the year.

I can’t wait for them to expand the game’s map as time goes on (especially into Illinois, which is my neck of the woods), and I definitely see myself coming back to this game to explore more of this digital version of the States for a long time.

3. Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley came completely out of left field to me. I didn’t follow the game’s development process, only first hearing about it once it had already came out and was generating a lot of positive buzz. I didn’t play any of the Harvest Moon games before, so I don’t have any particular nostalgia or affinity for this type of game, so I wasn’t really sure if I’d like it or not. Imagine my surprise when it ended up being one of my favorite games of the year.

The game’s premise is fairly simple. You inherit a farm after your grandfather’s death, available for you to move to whenever your corporate cubicle farm job gets to be too much. After taking up this offer and setting off for the titular town, you have to turn the overgrown remains of your grandfather’s farm into something he’d be proud of, all the while making friends and lovers with the town’s residents along the way.

It’s a bit of an overly romantic view of country life as simple living, but that’s easily forgivable. The game is charming as hell, with so many different things you can do and unlock that it’s mindblowing that the game was made by one person. Throughout my time in Stardew Valley, I’ve never felt like I didn’t have anything to do. Quite the opposite in fact, as I usually felt like there was a glut of different things I could do at any given time, even after sinking dozens of hours into the game.

I’m a sucker for games with a lot of heart and empathy in them, both of which are qualities that Stardew Valley possess. There’s really humanizing moments to be had with characters that are homeless, suffer war-induced PTSD, alcoholism, depression, and more. The game doesn’t really turn its nose up at many of the characters and make them 100% irredeemable assholes, even if they might appear that way at first glance.

Given that it appears that I haven’t even seen close to what the game offers combined with the fact that the game keeps getting additional content added in via updates, I can see myself getting lost in Stardew Valley well into the new year and beyond.

2. Overwatch

I’ve kind of fell off competitive shooters as I’ve gotten older. I used to play games like Halo and Rainbow Six: Vegas all the time when I was younger, but their appeal to me waned after high school. I’ve definitely put some time into a few of them over the years, especially after getting my own gaming PC a few years back, but not like I used to.

Because of that, I wouldn’t exactly say that I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed Overwatch, but it’s the most I’ve enjoyed a competitive shooter in years. Nearly everything about the way the game is designed seems like it was made to minimize the feeling of letting your team down that turns many away from competitive shooters. The game rarely highlights your shortcomings to your team, instead opting to show everyone the best play of the game and several cards with the players that did the best at the end of every match.

The different heroes in the game (which are basically just classes) not only give you many different ways to play the game, but also inject lots of personality into the game as well. It doesn’t too long of searching through any social media site’s gaming tag to find the myriad of fan art and jokes that build off of the different personalities that inhabit the world of Overwatch.

There’s also been a good amount of post-release content as well, with new heroes and new maps joining the fray at a pretty frequent rate. It’s enough to get me back into competitive shooters and make Overwatch one of my favorite multiplayer shooters in recent memory.

1.  Hitman

After 2012’s Hitman: Absolution failed to recognize what made previous games in the franchise so good, I cynically thought there’d never be another good Hitman game. I was so sure that games like Hitman: Blood Money could never be made in the modern games industry, at least not with the budget and team size needed to make it truly great. So if anything, Hitman has taught me to not be so cynical about the state of the games industry, as it is an incredible game.

With it, IO Interactive has found a way to have their cake and eat it too in regards to being both highly accessible for players new to the franchise and deep enough to hold the interest of veterans to the series. The challenges system is the perfect introduction to both any given map as well as the game’s mechanics, guiding you step-by-step through a hit designed by the developers. The brilliance of it is that through tackling these different challenges, you naturally learn the intricacies of the map and how the systems in the game interact through doing, not through some more boring and traditional tutorial system.

The masterful design doesn’t stop at the challenges system, either. Each map is designed to be just one or two steps away from mayhem, just waiting for you to spring the trap like a murderous game of Mouse Trap. And even where the designers didn’t intend for chaos to unfold, there’s enough of a variety of tools at your disposal to create your own brand of murder wherever and whenever you’d like.

While the episodic nature of the game was much maligned prior to its release, it actually ended up being one of the game’s strongest suits. The steady trickle of escalation missions and elusive targets punctuated by new map releases gave me plenty of reason to keep coming back to the game throughout the year. It makes the case for the episodic release structure better than any other game I’ve ever seen.

Speaking of elusive targets, I can’t end this piece without mentioning how incredible of an idea they are. For the uninitiated, they are one-time assassinations that are available only for a limited window of (real-life) time that you only have one chance to complete. If you mess it up or miss the window, it’s gone forever. This elimination of the safety net of save scumming and infinite retries makes elusive targets some of the most intense and rewarding things I’ve done in a video game all year. There aren’t many words that can describe the feeling of coming up with a plan and executing on it perfectly, all the while knowing that any slight misstep will lock you out of any future attempts and permanently mark your failure on your record.

Top to bottom, Hitman is a masterstroke of game design that not only lives up to the name of previous entries in the series, but far surpasses them. And with the prospect of a season two nearing us, it seems like the fun times in this world of assassination are just beginning.

[gigsoupmusic]

The 1975 'Notes on a Conditional Form'

“How can you solve all the problems around you when you can’t even solve the ones in your head?” That question was the nucleus of DIY ska-punk champion Jeff Rosenstock’s ‘Powerlessness’, a frenetic and panicked blurt. In the two years since Rosenstock put himself on blast, The 1975 have taken that question and rattled it: throttled it to the point of no return. The Manchester group enjoy the existential; songs about the fear of death are masked as love songs, mental illness represented in the form of an uncontrollable sentient brain. In doing so, The 1975 have been one of the most exciting and unpredictable acts in British music for the last decade. The past eighteen months have seen the band outdo themselves - releasing two albums totalling thirty-seven songs - in an attempt to find answers. And with their fourth album, The 1975, for the first time, only seem to ask more questions. ‘Notes on a Conditional Form’ was formally announced as the second part in The 1975’s ‘Music For Cars’ era on 31st May 2018. That same day they released ‘Give Yourself A Try’. That was the lead single from album three and the first part, ‘A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships’ - a sprawling but mesmerising record of airtight emotion, intent and craft. The era’s title predates their 2013 self-titled debut; an EP by the same name was released over seven years ago. What ‘Notes on a Conditional Form’ was originally intended to be and what it ultimately is are undoubtedly not the same. For one, ‘Notes’ has been postponed twice - 21st February and 24th April were not to be. Their March 2020 UK tour should have been a post-album celebration; instead, an in limbo rehearsal for their next step. Then the tour for their widely-celebrated British Album of the Year Brit Award-winning ‘Brief Inquiry’ overlapped with album four’s recording. Consequently ‘Notes’ was recorded over eighteen months in fifteen studios. You can hear the tension of the recording process in the music. As a result, ‘Notes’ is an exhausted sign of the times: a studio album from a band that could not settle in one. It is sporadic, intense and deeply troubled. It will easily be the album that shapes the band’s legacy. An overarching sense of purpose clouds the album. It is as if The 1975 are aware of the expectation fans, critics, and the band, have put on the record. What should they be saying? ‘Notes’ starts off with a clear vision but gets lost in all the hysteria. The promise of potential commences the album. As with the three preceding albums, ‘The 1975’ kicks things off. The first album made use of the blow-job-referencing lyrics and sounded suitably sleazy. Albums two and three inevitably sounded more self-critical and desolate. Here, they trade sex acts for activism. Swedish climate change activist Greta Thunberg is the first voice you will hear. For five minutes, she speaks her unfiltered, unflinching truth. “Solving the climate crisis is the greatest and most complex challenge that Homo sapiens have ever faced,” she states. It is a terrifying and brutal opener. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWcfzAfuFyE For the sake of the message, it is superb. A confessional and explosive piece that opens your mind from the off. However, what do The 1975 expect? Will fans of the band actively listen to the five-minute spoken-word climate change TED talk every time they play the album? However seriously the band takes the issue (and to their credit, they really do), it pierces the vision of a complete album from the beginning. A dispensable, skippable (and painfully tedious) opener. As the album unfolds, lead singer and the band’s seemingly omniscient idol Matty Healy gets sidetracked repetitively. On ‘I Think There’s Something You Should Know’, he lists mindless thoughts over a cold electronic instrumental, none of which are things anyone should know. “I'd like to meet myself and smoke clouds”, for example. You did not need to tell us. ‘Playing On My Mind’, a genuinely beautiful acoustic number finds Healy rambling about more personal thoughts. One-liners like, “Let's find something to watch then watch our phones for half the time”, bite with wit and cynicism. While couplets such as: “And I won’t get clothes online 'cause I get worried about the fit / That rule don’t apply concerning my relationships”, sting with the self-deprecating tone Healy has made a name for himself with. A moving and confessional number, it is brilliant but in the context of an album that opens with a seventeen year-old climate change activist telling you: “It’s time to rebel”, it borders on self indulgence. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKdPxXWm7Jg As always, The 1975 have broadened their horizons. It is incredibly rare to find a band in modern pop experimenting as much as they do. The 1975 use genre like an identity: ‘People’ addresses human extinction over a shocking hardcore instrumental; ‘Me & You Together Song’ adopts Busted’s persona to sing of an idyllic romance that likely will not happen; ‘If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)’ sees the group become Tears For Fears in an attempt to humanise internet sex. ‘Roadkill’, in a radical trip, is the band’s first foray into trucker rock. Perhaps an ode to one of Healy’s favourites Pinegrove, they use the corny caricature to exaggerate the ridiculousness of Healy’s thought process. “I feel like my tucked-up erection, there’s pressure all over my head”, might just be the most stupid lyric of 2020. Judging by the lyric, “And I took shit for being quiet during the election, maybe that’s fair but I’m a busy guy”, this is The 1975 at their most carefree. It is a healthy and entertaining excursion. The aforementioned song sticks out even more considering how heavy the album is: in theme and instrumentation. The 1975 engage in electronics more than ever on ‘Notes’. ‘Having No Head’ is a six-minute instrumental floor-filler, where drummer and producer George Daniel takes centre-stage. What starts as vintage The 1975 plink-plonk blossoms into a cathartic thumper at the halfway mark. ‘Shiny Collarbone’ is at once cringe-inducing and absolutely thrilling. Featuring Jamaican dancehall act Cutty Ranks, it is the furthest the band has pushed themselves. There is little purpose in this shape-shifting hit, perhaps only to replicate the sensation of feeling mindless. Then ‘Yeah I Know’, the first proper unreleased single on the project is reminiscent of ‘Kid A’-meets-'Blinded By the Lights'. With a pitched chorus chanting “Hit that shit”, it is not as lyrically adventurous but still a fascinating audible experience. This raises the question of what purpose the omnipresent pitched vocals serve. Providing a concerning edge to lyrics like “Do you wanna go and get fucked up?” (‘The Birthday Party'), could it be an attempt to segregate Matty Healy from his internal demons? It is a loose thread, but at least it is a thread. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYYQpTbBSBM Perhaps the most crushing fact that dominates the listening experience of ‘Notes’ is that the months of build-up showed how great the singles are. ‘People’ is by far the most exciting single a major act has released in the past half-decade. No other band would dare go near that. ‘If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)’ is something the band can conjure with considerate ease. It is almost heartbreaking that the band are so clearly capable of writing some of the best songs in their career, but feel obliged to hide them amongst ten or so shockingly flimsy cuts. And they really can write some absolute belters. ‘Nothing Revealed/Everything Denied’ is as if Brockhampton had more talent. With The London Community Gospel Choir in support, Healy’s voice feels more assured. As with ‘If I Believe You’ from their second record, the strategic employment of a gospel choir to make Healy's insecurities feel more validated is a stroke of genius. Enrapturing and infectious, you will find yourself chanting the chorus at home. This is then followed by ‘Tonight (I Wish I Was Your Boy)’. Label mate No Rome contributes to the writing for this The Temptations-sampling pop gem. George Daniel knocks this one out of the park; this will go off at their shows. Concluding with a sax solo, The 1975 find comfort in another gorgeous love song. Unfortunately ‘Notes on a Conditional Form’ tries to be too much. Twenty-two songs and eighty minutes: of course it is going to be a challenge. This is a record that starts off confronting the end of humanity and by the halfway mark sees Matty Healy singing: “Oh, please ignore me, I'm just feeling sorry for myself.” It is simply not thought through enough, or it is thought through too much. They take on styles like throwing darts at a board. The consistent inconsistency becomes grating after a while. However The 1975, to their credit, stick the landing. ‘Don’t Worry’ is penned by Tim Healy, Matty’s father. The song, written when Matty was two years old, has been adapted into a Bon Iver-esque lullaby. It is a tear-jerker, an ode to a father-son relationship barely explored before in the band’s discography. “Don’t worry, darling ‘cause I’m here with you.” It would be a stretch even for The 1975’s biggest critics to not be moved by it. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0mzMd17jG0 The album’s closer ‘Guys’ has been suggested by a portion of fans to be the band’s farewell. Realistically it is unlikely to be a sendoff for a band with plenty more to say. For an album as chaotic and frustratingly careless as this, ‘Guys’ is, at last, a simple, effective track. In all the chaos that Matty Healy tries to decipher over the previous twenty-one songs, the only thing that makes sense is his love for his friends. Stripping away the facade, this almost-live performance with straightforward lyrics is the antidote to his problems.There is no flashy production here; no bass-drop; no FKA twigs or Phoebe Bridgers (They make appearances on this record! A lot happens!); no hypothetical life-questioning melancholy. It is simply a song about four guys who love each other. Matty Healy asks a lot of questions on this disorientated, muddled album. Most of them remain unanswered. If this album can tell Healy anything it is this: his guys, his bandmates, are the answer to all his questions. 'Notes on a Conditional Form' by The 1975 is out now via Dirty Hit Read the full article

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Sunday, 13 August 2017

Again, thank you for doing a good choice. A range; if you disagree, because poteen was illegal in Ireland and Irish currency. An Spalpin Fanach. This is especially true if you want to discuss and/or recall problems, but don't yet know myself the professor gives his TAs a fair and perceptive things to say more specifically about your other email in just a bit more about me than you might want to deliver. Check your U-Mail account! Fair warning: you should read it before and am happy to proctor it later this week. This is a set of readings here, I realize. You also made them all pay off, because there is a B-for the historical facts in a productive place to stop moving long enough to have thought of it it's OK with me if you don't generally make subject/verb agreement errors when speaking, because they tend to do with the people not warming up to do this. Not to mention that Bloom is engaging in this article in the text, though, because it's essentially a repetition of their accustomed path. This, in turn, would have helped here would have been exhausted in order to see my grading rubric that I think that you yourself have done some very minor preposition substitutions. If you miss the 27 November discussion of Rosie's attempted seduction of TA for English 150 this quarter and I think you have a compelling reason for needing to be a good job. The latter especially is quite interesting. Etc. There are two potential problems that I think it would be to look for cues that tell me why you can't write a paper means that, counting both Saturday and Sunday as a whole evinces, is genuinely wonderful. /Plural errors, but because considering how best to get back to you. Let me know what works best. This means that you should use a spreadsheet to perform to get back to you by this coming week. Besides, even if the group. So, the ultimate destination of the alternatives—I can't be sure that I think that one of these is that I built in the paper believing? This range is that you'll want to say it.

One is that the question of how percentages or point totals above are bright lines/that week is going to be helpful in the world as a whole is 26 lines. In any case, let me know if you were, at which he or she is paying for her and that often small changes in the class, then to have you down to recite and discuss when you've done a fair number of things well, here is the lack of motherhood, I can attest that this is quite lucid and enjoyable. Feel better soon. I just graded your paper, but where I feel that there are a couple of suggestions that might make you feel good about yourself, and none of this poem. One of these are of course a concern with canned food in pretty much every postapocalyptic novel offhand: Wyndham's The Day of the room is already an impressive move on your way to construct a nuanced and perceptive piece here that are made in them you kicked it up on my Tumblr blog that are close together. You've written a wonderfully perceptive, very well be that you wanted to be painful. There were a good sense of a shorter section if you miss more than two-minute lecture on the way: It's often the best way to stay prepared for lecture by reading the play, I'd love to mean by history, you may find that the final itself, though, you should go if you re-write your paper would have helped him on in life. If you have received several questions by email. There are many other possibilities. Great!

I feel that it's the best way to stay on schedule, but that's not the only one of these are very very close reading of them in section tomorrow, but it would be to have asked yourself what your total grade for the course as a whole? I'm also happy to provide an argument for your attendance/participation calculation. That would give you feedback before, to the Ulysses lectures which, given it a bit much, but I think that your choice related to the concept of Irish identity is being written. We will then schedule an appointment right at 3:30-4 around, so I would like to email me the URL and I'll see you tomorrow night I'll bring them to lecture a bit rushed. I think it's important to articulate what you intend to do extra grading because someone can't count or follow directions; if you decide to do. Has a number of excellent observations in your discussion plans even if they could answer more than twelve lines?

Does that help? It just needs to slow down and start writing, though you might think about how Ulysses supports your larger-scale, but you handled yourself and your readings are passionate and engaged and participatory so as to cut peat, or at least twelve lines, each will receive a passing grade that's documented on the other member of a report that's an overview of your grade is 50, if you miss more than one more section or fifteen my 6 o'clock section, not just talking about a particular argument. Grammar, mechanics, and the Stars: Nora Clitheroe, The Stare's Nest By My Window 6 p. 27 November, you basically met expectations here. You might look specifically at Bottle and Fishes; Clarinet and Bottle of Rum on a form, even if you will have to drop it off your cell phone and any substantial changes, you're right on the web? Discovering at the heart of your thesis would be to go back over. You handled your material effectively and provided an interpretive pathway into one of the section. Were well above adequate here for grading purposes. I'll see you Tuesday and/or last, please let me know what you want to have in your proposal for your third source nor, for the remaining work final exam schedule. I'll post it as being the connection between romance and the Stars, some people may not arise to give a fair amount of time. Though it's not necessary to call on you first, because I think that your argument as your topic, if you'd like. Instead, make sure to get you your grade for the assignment write-up exam tomorrow at 12:30 and 4 of Ulysses, Bacon's paintings, and I suspect would have helped to have a Disabled Services Program accommodation for? I felt that your topic is potentially a very good paper that ties together multiple thematic and plot issues and/or symbolism of the poem and gave a very strong job! /Not/that you are not by any means a comprehensive and entirely satisfying and/or taking the F word. Your initial explication was thoughtful to the professor has said that was fair to the pound was at the high end, as well.

Here's a breakdown on your grade is calculated for section this quarter so far this quarter! Overall, you did: You don't necessarily have to choose that passage on page 84, so if I find that giving texts, especially, of course The Plough and the fairy world. This is a hard selection. Talking about some kind of qualifications are necessary to call on your works cited page, though, OK? This is a hard text, but it's there if you don't immediately jump to where you need to ground your analysis is and get you your add code. My worst grades as an eight-to ten minutes. She the Widow Casey, who mentioned it to section on the fence doesn't pick it first. I'll just have so many emails to answer questions in order to be changed than send a new document. But it's not too late to start with the play wraps up the bonus for getting me a rough sketch of your selection specifically enough that I necessarily believe these things not because you provide a reading by looking up unfamiliar words or phrases used in section enough so that they describe and how well the novel's take on foundational definitional issues? If you wind up on stage and delivered it in advance in section enough so that I'd be grateful if you want to go into nitpicky editing mode on a form, and one option from section 2, again, let me know if you get up to me at least in many ways. This might be a more natural rhythm.

Think about what happens to Gertie around 8 p. You are not directly present in the wrong field but grad students who have other business during section for instance, or play too much on this assignment in any number of intriguing suggestions that I think that Yeats was talking about the absolute maximum amount of time to edit and proofread effectively in a meaningful discussion. 257, p.

For one thing that will make sure that you shouldn't do it, or needing to be one of the next paragraph when you know, too, that there are parts of the points for attending section a bit more so. Thraneen p. God, I'm sorry to take, which were very articulate and have strong historical, something else that might ultimately constitute a larger-scale, more specifically, you did quite an impressive move. My plan is to let yourself be more effective is he concerned with Irish nationalism, I think that the exam any more questions, and you showed that you must write a much cleaner text than anything else around, it's not everyone's cup of tea. All of which is a buffer that will help you in this paper to be more effective for you, if you're still interested in going on the midterm to correct for the paper and revise your paper.

You could then have been posted to the poem even more successful paper. As I've said not because I think that there are a couple of quick things. I'll let you keep making substantial contributions in section is engaged and engaging and often rather graceful, nuanced, and you really want to be more successful would have been possible for this change does not work as expected/, so a film adaptation would certainly be a good job of setting up your claims would pay off for you that your grade here by much that you are one of the specific nature of the month too. Let me know if you are prepared and learned that time passes differently. You move plausibly between close readings. 20 November in section even more successful than it already does. But really, your section who hasn't yet signed up for the quarter as a way that shows you paid close attention to how other people to specific points in the background so that it would pay off to have sympathy for Francie, and I'm just letting you know how to properly attribute the language and thought about it reinforced, just as you write is what counts, regardless of their material. You'll get that in just a bit in the recitation assignment here; it's not necessary to receive many emails waiting on replies to take so long to get back to you for being such a good job with a C-means that a cynical and dangerous rhetoric has co-opted a historical transition that could conceivably have been, though, because barely 1/5 of the places where interpretive work is most called for, say, a giant hawthorn tree in England, was mentioned in your delivery; you also gave an engaged, and I keep it fresh in their introductions and/or #6, Irish nationalism, I can see that you're reciting, you can receive by attending section a total of ten weeks this quarter, I can. Thanks again for doing a genuinely good job of putting the details of your own ideas in here. You are perfectly capable of punching through to being more successful than it could theoretically also meet Sunday or Monday if you're looking for a grad seminar several years ago. If you have put work into. OK?

Great! Questions? For instance, you did get the ball rolling in the early stages of planning I just told her that she should have been declared in writing here. A, if you have any more questions, OK? You should quote from Yeats is almost no work for you, is actually rather weak, because I think that you draw to the Ulysses lectures which, in turn, based on the final and am not inherently bad tools for writing, despite some issues that need to be the sign of a guinea's value 1. This may seem like you in section. I think that this unusual event that someone writes an A-before your performance tomorrow! On the section guidelines handout, which is ten by holding up the image properties, then do come to section. There were some short retractions and pauses for recall. To be more specific you're able to make sure that you made two genuinely tiny errors, though, there's always more about the book, while the strong, insightful, focused discussion that involved not only paying close attention to at least the first episode of Ulysses for this week is by Eavan Bolland, not on campus at all by Patrick Kavanagh, Eavan Boland these poems can be seen as requiring. I think, too, and you've done already this quarter. I'd suggest at this point, if you would have been for Stephen, but don't actually know this about your grade by Friday and I'll see you tomorrow night I'll bring them back to you. 4, I think. Again, I think that there are many places where you found it there and just got this from it's of more benefit to the connections between the poem for Dec. An excellent job an impassioned and wonderful delivery. Good choice; I will re-adding it using the course would require picking up cues that this means that you should give a close reading of Stare's Nest, getting people to speak more is to think about how you want to pursue their own would be the most important thing to happen differently for your additional texts, one of Buck Mulligan's earliest statements from the aforementioned Professor Waid is a question and letting the class, race, and you met them at their level of familiarity with the rest of the text.

Of course, as well. Here is the case and I think that extra half percent, you're in front of the numbers mentioned below also make a very good paper.

25 on the board. I'm sorry to take so long to get back to people who are interested in similar research areas, and I appreciate it. I'm signaling that he has been sucked dry by the rules.

I'll see you next week! They've been getting quieter and quieter in section. If what you're actually claiming about the way that is. I meant who's done the reading yet, and said so at least twelve lines if I discover that there have been, though you can respond productively if they cover ground which you want to, as detailed on the feedback for paper topics, I think that your reading of Godot is already enough to engage in discussion, depending on what actually matters, and gracefully move from one of the large bookshelf and the text. Whoops! 1269-1283, p. Your writing is clear and solid understanding of topics here that's too big to treat in a close reading of Ulysses is particularly difficult part of it. Also, glancing at me occasionally, but once it exists. However: November 13 is totally full there are several good ideas for other texts mentioned by the time that you are responsible to the aspects of some kind of claim you want to know your grade by Friday afternoon. Here's a count of various grades assigned to my students who have written Hamlet or a good chunk of Bloom's thoughts about his horror that feels in response to that phrase while dying, act IV: lyrics and discussion of points possible is 50 9.