#sorry for calling you a motherfucker I needed it for the joke

[sergle]

I can't really understand the whole need to nut. That said, go off you nutty people since that's what you want to do after all :p

THIS MOTHERFUCKER DOESN'T ENJOY PLEASURE

[mochapanda]

tears of the kingdom was never made to replace botw in the same way majoras mask was never made to replace ocarina of time and yall need to fucking get over it

[nastyaromatherapy]

Footlong (18+)

Ethan, a boy you bullied in highschool, sees you at a frat party and is hungry for revenge.

saw (this fic) and was like damn, i need an extended version of this.

pairing - dom!ethan landry x bully!reader

one shot length, 1.9k+ word fic

warnings: PIV, creampie, mentions of sh, degradation, tara reader and quinn are all bitches, big dick ethan

“Ethan? Please. I bet he’s never even held hands with a girl.” You quipped to Tara when his name aroused in a game of Fuck Marry Kill. Quinn quickly disagreed, “I bet- No, I know he’s packing. Haven’t you seen the outline in his khakis?” You internally bleh-ed at her wandering eyes. “Quinn, you fucking horndog,” you joked, leaning back in your chair and contemplating the original question: Fuck Mary Kill, Chad, Ethan, Frankie. “Fuck Chad, Marry Ethan, Kill that motherfucker Frankie.”

“Swap Ethan and Chad, then agreed,” Quinn said. Suddenly Ethan walked in in the khakis Quinn was talking about earlier, finding his seat in the back of the class. “Speak of the devil,” Tara tsked. “Yo, Ethan,” you called out. His eyes flickered up to meet yours before quickly dropping back down. “C’mon, why the long face? I heard only fans should be back up tonight, and I’m sure the ladies miss you as much you miss them,” you fake pouted. He just rolled his eyes and focused on copying down notes he borrowed from some friends.

“Ethan!” Tara called out to him, only this time he didn’t look up. “Don’t mind y/n, she’s just nervous. She wants to invite you to her party tonight, wants to see this ‘big dick’ everyone’s gassing.” You smirked and found Tara’s comment as a perfect opening. “Yeah, Ethan, that true? That you hide a footlong in your khakis?” You asked him condescendingly, a flush already flooding his cheeks. “Oh, Ethan,” Quinn gasped, grabbing on the sides of her desk to rock it. “It’s too big, I can’t take it,” she moaned artificially.

Ethan slouched in his seat, wanting to be as far as possible from here.

He was though, he slouched in his seat on the couch at the frat party, beer can in hand. He saw you dancing with some of your friends who he’s never seen before, having not seen you since Highschool. Oh would vengeance be sweet.

He waited until you walked into the kitchen for a drink so that he could approach you without distractions. “Y/n l/n,” he said with false surprise, making you turn around with a gasp. He grew taller, his hair was more put together, he was just hotter. “What a surprise,” he smirked. “Footlong!” You smiled, the name stemming from the joke from 12th grade. “Ethan- sorry. Old habits die hard,” you said. “It’s all good just, surprised to see you here,” he spoke.

“You’re taller!” You said awkwardly, gesturing your hands towards his figure. “Yeah, I guess canceling all those only fan subscriptions helped me grow,” he joked self deprecatingly, sadly smiling. You sighed, hating apologizes. “Oh, yeah sorry about all that. It was just a joke,” you said in the most tone deaf way possible. “Hey I mean, at least those were all rumors. It’s not like it came out that I had a threesome with Paul Keene and his cousin and it turned out to be very true.” Your eyebrows furrowed and your lips twisted into a snaky expression.

“Yo what the fuck is your problem?” You asked him as your temper rose. “Just taking a trip down memory lane,” he smirked before taking a sip of his beer, then wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. You looked at him with utter disgust for his remarks about the past. “Okay, my bad. You have gotten sexier though,” he said, empty hand reaching for your side.

You inched closer, giving into his touch. “Oh yeah?” You asked as you let his feel up your side. “Yeah,” he confirmed before finally landing a grip on your waist, pulling you in close. “You wanna dance?”

You led him to the dance floor to engage in some tipsy dancing. He wasn’t the best, was a little stiff, but you were there to help him out. You grinded on him as his hands rested at your hips. Ethan groaned as he felt his erection slowly growing as your ass rubbed against him.

“Let’s go,” he said, grabbing you by your wrist, and you complied to follow him up the stairs. He slammed you against the paneled wall and kissed you hungrily, groaning into your mouth. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t at least a littler turned on by this, your stomach churning.

You slowly slipped your tongue into his mouth, moaning into the kiss as his hands reached to fumble with your tits.

“Fuck,” he said after pulling away, wiping the extra slobber on his face with his palm. He grabbed you by your hand this time, leading you into an empty bedroom, being quick to lock the door.

“So, Footlong,” you started while walking into the room. “We gonna test if the rumors true? And I’m gonna guess you’re a virgin. Sex isn’t the same as porn, and girls aren’t like those cam girls I know you like to watch. Just to let you know.” He grimaced at your words, seeing that you obviously haven’t changed at all.

“Sad to see you haven’t changed,” he said. “Still a bitch,” he said with a smirk. “A sexy bitch,” you said. “According to your words.” Ethan was quick to correct you, “I said you were sexier, not sexy.” Your expression quickly faltered. “God I can’t believe I kissed you. You probably have herpes,” he said while wiping a hand down his face. “I-I don’t-”

“You know I used to burn myself? Almost everyday after school?” He asked, completely shifting the mood. Your face filled with shock, up until now unaware. “Ethan- I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me-” “Cause it was none of your fucking business!” He yelled, making you inch back a bit. “Just like it was none of your fucking business saying those things to me, knowing what I already had going on in my life.” He said, referring to the death of Richie and his father’s coping mechanisms.

“But I know why you’re here, y/n. It’s not because you like me, it’s not because you want to make up, it’s because you’re a fucking loud mouthed whore.” You opened your mouth to deny it, but you just couldn’t.

As he stood he started to unbuckle his pants, letting them drop to his knees. Your eyes grew wide at the visible bulge in his boxers, maybe not 12 inches, but still huge. “What? You need a step by step tutorial?” He asked, eyeing your blank expression. His words made you quickly snap out of it and get down so your knees touched the cold wood.

You tugged his boxers down, allowing his dick to spring out. He shallowly hissed at the cold air. Your mouth watered at the sight, he was perfect. You eagerly took the tip of him, feeling the rumbles of his groans. “That’s it, shut up and take it,” he grunted, slowly thrusting himself deeper into your throat. You rested your hands on his inner thighs and moaned on his length, finding yourself extremely turned on.

“Is this gonna be our secret? Are you gonna be too embarrassed to admit to your friends that you got face fucked by Ethan Landry?” He asked, his thrusts growing more aggressive. Your eyebrows contorted upwards, and with every thrust your mouth made a wet clicking sound.

You continued moaning around him from the pleasure of being used, eyes now glossy and red. Ethan slipped his hand down and pulled his cock out of your mouth, making you sigh from disappointment. “Stick out your tongue,” he softly demanded, and you quickly complied. “That’s a good whore,” he groaned as he jerked himself off over your tongue. You found yourself reaching your tongue up, just for a little taste. “Does the slut want my cum?” He asked, growing close, face completely red. “Yes,” you moaned. “Beg for it.”

You pouted, hungry for his cum. “Please cum for me, Ethan. I want your cum s’bad!” You whimpered out. Ethan threw his head back as he shot his cum directly in your mouth, a little making its way onto your lips. You licked it off your lips sluttily before swallowing all of it. Ethan tilted his head slightly, “Not even a thank you?” He asked, annoyed. “Thank you,” you corrected.

He looked down at you on the floor, eyeing you still in the dress. “Turn around.” After you turned to face away from him, he unzipped your dress to help you take it off, taking his shirt off as well. He hooked your black thong in his fingers and moved them to the side, eyeing your glistening pussy. He spit on it before giving your ass a slap, making you yelp and bounce forward.

“Face down,” he ordered, making you lay your face down on the cool floor. He took his cock and rubbed it up and down your pussy, leading you to whimper. “Please fuck me, Ethan,” you moaned. He slapped your ass again, “Yeah, you want my cock, slut?” You nodded furiously. “Please, need your cock in me,” you whined, pushing your ass back in an attempt to gain more friction.

“Fuck,” he groaned when he slid into you, grabbing a hold of your waist. “Ethan!” You moaned out. Never in a million years would you ever think that Ethan fucking Landry would be stretching you out. “That’s it, take my cock,” he groaned, ego boosting from how much you enjoyed it, from how you whimpered on his dick and clenched around him.

“So big,” you whispered, which he picked up on. “Yeah? You love my big dick stretching you out?” You nodded in response. “Yes, fuck I love your cock, Ethan!”

He got so much pleasure out of watching you submit for him, the girl who tormented him for years just from her words, going dumb on his cock. “Mm, slap my ass again please, it felt s’good,” you slurred out. He smiled and was quick to comply, leaving a red mark on your cheek. “Slut love when I smack her ass?” He asked smugly. “Mhm,” you whimpered.

Your eyes rolled back in your head as you struggled to find anything to grab onto, reaching for your discarded dress to scrunch in your hands. “Not gonna say anything bitchy?” He asked, thrusts growing deeper. “Where’d your confidence go? Fuck you’re pathetic,” he smirked. “Pathetic slut who likes getting her pussy ripped apart by absolutely anyone.” You moaned at his words, growing close as tears formed in your eyes.

“So close, Ethan,” you whined, your stomach twisting in the most pleasurable way. “Oh yeah? Beg for it,” he grunted, slamming into you harder. “Fuck- please let me cum Ethan, your cock feels s’good,” you begged, cunt squeezing his length so tight. “That’s a good fucking whore, cum on my cock,” he groaned. You released all over him, squirting for the first time.

The liquid spurted onto his thighs and the floor, making you feel somewhat humiliated. He continued to fuck you, having not came yet. You screamed from the overstimulation, moaning uncontrollably. “Fuck, oh fuck. Ethann,” you whined as he chased his own high.

“Fuck!” He groaned with one final slam, filling your cunt with his thick cum. He was quick to pull out and watch his cum slowly drip out of your pussy. “Come taste yourself,” he said. You shifted around and bent over to suck his dick, covered in a mix of yours and his cum. He cursed under his breath as you overstimulated his cock, grabbing your head and pushing you down on his length, throwing his head back, groaning as you deepthroated him. Then he lifted your head up to see your fucked out face, wet with sweat. “Be useful and open your legs.”

[ariisheresstuff]

Gon request a Javier Peña x reader where they’re like married and Javi had a late day and got home late n stuff and reader is all tucked into bed and he just gets real domestic n shit and he tried really hard not to wake her up but she’s already awake and she asks about his day and as he’s telling her he sees that she’s fallen back to sleep

Thx :)

Dozing Off

Pairings: Javier Peña x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff

MasterList

A/N: Ty for the request! Enjoy! <3

It was around two in the morning when Javi got home from work. Today was draining for him. Him and Steve had a new case coming up and the paperwork and investigations were just exhausting. Javi yawned as he entered the apartment you and him shared. You and him have been married for almost two years but dating for about three years. He took out the key to the front door and quietly opened the door and entered in. He threw his stuff on the floor before going into the kitchen to get a drink. He paused when he say a note on the counter. He took the note that read:

I made your favorite for dinner, it’s in the fridge. Heat it up. I love you mi amor. ~Y\N

Javi smiled at the note but frowned a bit, he felt like a bad husband for always leaving you at home to cook and clean while he’s out busting his ass. You two haven’t really had a proper moment with each other. Javi quickly took a shot of liquor before deciding that he should eat the food you made for him. His heart felt light at the fact that you made food for him even though he’s never properly home with you.

Once Javi finished eating, he entered the bedroom. He stepped in quietly as he admired your sleeping form on his side of the bed. He chuckled through his nose before walking up to you. He kneeled down as he rubbed your back softly before kissing your forehead gently. “I’m home cariño,” he said softly, he stood back up and quickly changed into his sleep wear. As Javi turns to face the drawers, his arm hit a candle that was sitting on the nightstand. The impact caused the candle to fall making a big thud. Javi gritted his teeth as he catched the candle. “Javi?” He heard your groggy voice call his name as he turned to see you lift your head with your eyes squinting at him. “Shit, I’m sorry baby. I didn’t mean to wake you, go back to sleep.” Javi went over to you as he repeatedly kissed your head as he rubbed your back to get you to sleep. “It’s okay, I was trying to stay awake for you but clearly that didn’t work.” You chuckled making Javi sigh “Baby, I told you to not wait up for me. You need sleep.” Javi cupped your face as he rubbed a thumb over the apple of your cheek. You took his hand and kissed his palm. “You need sleep too.” Javi sighed knowing that you were right, he let go of your cheek as he went to put on his sleepwear. You watched him as you did, “How was your day?” You asked him through a yawn making him chuckle, “Same old shit. Steve being a pain in the ass like always.” You rolled your eyes before laughing at him, Javi got into bed with you as he pulled you into his chest. “Anything exciting happening?” You asked him once more as you drew shapes on his bare chest, Javi sighed as he also drew shapes on your arm. “Starting a new case. Not that much detail yet, but I’m pretty sure it will be more of a shit show than Escobar. Motherfucker was not giving us a break. I’m pretty sure that this case will— Javi stopped his sentence as he heard you start to snore. He looked down at you in his arms to see you passed out. Javi couldn’t help but laugh, and he shook his head. “Guess I bored you with my job cariño,” He joked before kissing your head a few times, “Sleep tight, mi amor.”

Tag-List: @otomefan @slasherstories123 @amis-love-bugs @avengersfan25

[appleblueberry-pie]

More yandere 42 Miles Morales

I can see Miles having increased courage and confidence when he's with you. He'll say anything and everything that he thinks is important for you to hear, and he loves you too much to not tell you whatever is on his mind.

He wants to hold you so close to his side, feel your body heat radiate onto him. He wants to stare at you forever and wants you to stare at him too. He's dehydrated and you're his only drink of water, his salvation. He needs to have you, every part of you to himself and will remind you everyday.

You swear he's an insomniac with how often you catch him up at night when you guys text. But when he sleeps next to you, he's out and will stay out for a damn while. Hell, he'd wake up acting like he's in a fucking raisin bran commercial just cause you there.

Loves to whisper how he feels to you just to make you squirm. A romantic and flirt, only times ten because it's for you. Caresses your side, face, leg, head, whatever he can get his hands on. He loves you and will show you and tell you.

It definitely gets worse when you reciprocate it. He tell you a little flirt joke and you wholeheartedly/seriously respond back with confidence? He doubling down on you and won't stop cheesing. Don't run away, it's too late for that, he'll pull yo ass back and make you finish what you started.

If you text him, he'll text back in under a minute, no matter the circumstance. Nothing stops him from reaching out to you ever. If somehow you two end up arguing and god forbid you end on a bad note, he'll blow up your phone.

Another call starts up as soon as the last one ends if you don't answer. Sweet nothings of him begging you to answer the phone turn into threats to pick up(without him realizing it because he's too scared and angry to care about how it sounds) very quickly.

I'm laughing at you if you think turning your phone off and going to sleep will work. He will break into your house and wake you up.

"Fuck you turn your phone off for? Pensabas que esa mierda era graciosa? (You thought that shit was funny?) Huh? Don't ever fucking play with me like that." Doesn't care if everyone else is asleep. Just wants to get his message across to you.

That's probably the worst he'll get when he's "mad" at you(he will never truly get mad at you). Don't even ask about how he get when other niggas try to fuck around with you. oh my god. You tell him someone tried to touch you?

"Baby, look at me." Eyes stern, yet frantic. His shaky breathing is scaring you, but you can't let him see that. His hand grabs your chin, his hold making it hurt. "I need you to tell me that that's the only thing he did to you. Are you sure that's all he said? All he did?" He whispers it as if a hundred people surround you both wanting to listen in on what's being said. You nod and he shakes his head. "Cause I'm gonna kill that motherfucker. You hear me? Nobody fucking touches you."

He stares deep into your eyes, you can't tell if he's hyperventilating or not. All you want is for him to calm down, because seeing him like this is too much for you. You don't know if telling him was even worth it at this point.

"NOBODY!" He shouts it in your face and you violently flinch. He immediately consoles you and apologizes constantly. "Lo siento, lo siento, lo siento. Por favor, perdóname, cariño. Te quiero muchísimo. Solo quiero mantenerte a salvo.(I'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry. Please forgive me, darling. I love you so much. I just want to keep you safe.)" He whispers it in your ear and rocks you side to side. He can't stay still for the life of him. He sits you down on the bed and begins pacing.

Whispering to himself and clenching his hands. He then sits down next to you and holds your hands tightly. "I'll be back in at most 2 hours. I'll do whatever you what when you come back. But you gotta eat and catch up on your rest, okay, mi amor? I love you. And I care for you. And I want you to know that whatever happens out there?.....it ain't ever gon' break what we got. Alright?"

He slams his lips onto yours, kissing you passionately in a way he's never done before. A mix of emotions fill you and you can't find the words to make him stay. To make him stop. When he separates the kiss, he rests his sweaty forehead on yours. "I fucking love you." He whispers before leaving.

He would never ever isolate you or lock you up. He heavily prefers seeing you as the best YOU that you can be. He is obsessed with your personality, talents, hobbies, desires, speech, the way you walk, scent, everything. Taking that away from you is like murdering you. He can't live with himself if he did that to you.

Your family loves him, so it'd be hard to escape the relationship when they love him almost as much as they love you. He could give less of a fuck about your friends. You don't need them like you two need each other.

Try to mention anything bad he's done "for you" in the past? Will "assure" you to not worry about it and will justify his actions. "Don't worry about that nigga anymore, mami. I dealt with it. Y'all gon be cool now, okay? So don't worry your pretty self about it anymore and lets get you home. You look tired."

He LOOOOOVES when you coddle him or take care of him. His dream is to lay in your comfortable bed together while you hum him a song and you rub his back while his head lays on your comfortable chest. Every advantage is in his hands when he's sick because he has you to take care of him. He just becomes more delusional when he's sick, basically. Getting fed, maybe praised, cooed at, extra attention and care. Please. He leans into your warm hands like a touch-starved puppy.

Hates it so much when you lead him on strongly but then just shut it down entirely. Flirting with him, pulling him in by his jacket, constantly glancing down at his lips while giggling at his stupid fucking jokes. Then you just turn your head and walk off??? Man, fuck you. Follows you around whining constantly.

Eats absolutely anything you make. I canon he has a humungous appetite. Know how to make gumbo? Half of it's gone in 30 minutes. You'll have to feed him 4 servings every time you cook. That nigga eats everything. "Baby, this good as hell." Yeah, I bet! Knocks out when he's done. Good luck waking him up.

Anyways, he can get really bad at times. But most of the time, he's everything you could ever ask for.

[liesmyth]

locked tomb characters ranked by how cringe they are

because this post by @wifegideonnav reminded me that they’re all losers, but some are even more losers than the others

Hot Sauce: 1/10. This girl is cool in all possible ways and definitely future lead researcher material. No cringe, zero notes.

Pyrrha: 2/10. By far the least cringe of The Olds. Yes her nicknames for Nona have dad joke energy but she’s very earnest about it and it’s cute.

Juno Zeta: 2/10. Total MILF. Very smart and should know better than to get flirty with We Suffer, but I get it.

Marta Dyas: 3/10. A complete badass with a very sensible outlook on avoiding unnecessary forms. Call me Judith because I would also make a pass at her at the first possible chance.

Commander Wake: 3/10. She made Pyrrha fall in love with her, seduced ever-loyal G1deon into hatefucking and galvanized a dying resistance movement. She was genuinely nice to Gideon those 3 seconds they interacted in passing! Then she had to go and hide under the bed of a mentally ill teenager.

Dulcinea: 4/10. Her horniness for revenge is epic. Let down Pal as nicely as she could and managed to outwit Cytherea when it mattered. Not cringe at all.

Camilla: 4/10. Yes, she could kill you in seconds but she did once sell cigarettes, her most liquid asset, for about a third of their market value.

Alecto: 4/10. Scary eldritch woman-shaped creature with a sword, comes highly recommended by Pyrrha Dve. Loses points for confusing Middle English and thinking John was the best possible Sailor Earth when he was clearly the worst.

G1deon: 5/10. Utterly willing to burn for what he believes in. Yes, he probably needs some perspective but he made sure the baby had enough air before kicking Wake out of the airlock and Matthias Nonius thinks he’s an okay dude.

Pash: 5/10. She has that freedom fighter swag and the cool hair but she is a terrible bodyguard coasting on nepotism, sorry to say.

Palamedes: 6/10. He didn’t clock the serial killer pretending to be his ex because he was too busy going to painfully extreme lengths to avoid interacting with her.

Naberius: 6/10. My controversial opinion is that Babs is the least cringe of the Third House throuple. Yes he looks and acts like a peacock but he puts up with Corona snacking on him for no reason and is still nice to her, and gives Ianthe solid romantic advice.  

Nona: 6/10. Cringe in the unselfconscious way of a young teenager, and put this ability to use making Pal fess up to his nurse kink. She will never be cool but it’s part of her appeal.

Mercymorn: 7/10. Speaks in onomatopoeias. She knows she is insufferable so she’s gonna do her best to make sure to be the most insufferable person in every room. Once called John Gaius “the best man I who ever lived” to his smug face and not even blowing him up later makes up for that.

Ianthe: 7/10. Looks like a wet rat. Hopelessly dramatic but she pulls it off. Declares her love for Harrow at every turn in the most transparent possible way then pretends she’s just being snarky. Some cool points for actually getting shit done

Coronabeth: 7/10. Terrible taste in love interests. Her freedom fighter era was hot but she thinks pompadour hair is a good look? Also, the way she spent her whole life lying about necromancy speaks of extreme conflict avoidance. Cringe move.

Judith: 7/10. She deserved to suffer and has suffered more than she deserves. It’s cringe how she clings to her imperialist brainwashing but she gets a point for rightfully understanding she should be wary of Corona, something Ianthe still can’t even grasp.

Ortus: 7/10. Yes he quotes his own epic poetry WIP at people but he also had to grow up on the Ninth with nothing better to do. Genuinely a very nice guy.

Cytherea: 8/10. Her unhinged vibes are very hot but she killed a couple of nerds and two teenagers instead of anyone who was actually dangerous. Cringe of her!

Silas: 8/10. Smarmy cloud-looking motherfucker. He is a child Pope and I guess he can’t help the inherent cringe of the Eight. But that’s still no excuse for bringing a portrait of John all the way to Canaan House just to hang it in your bedroom, dude.

Gideon: 8/10. Babygirl is a horny virgin with the vocabulary of a nerd. Harrow is bones over tit in love with her and she fails to notice after living in Harrow’s brain for eight months. Gets points for managing to maintain impressive biceps on a diet with no protein.

Augustine: 9/10. Extremely cringe because of how hard he tries to pretend he’s not cringe. Cigarettes on a space station and effectively performing swag don’t make up for how much he clearly wants to suck John’s dick. Which he did at least twice.

Harrow: 10/10. Spent most of her life being mean to Gideon because she was too hot to deal with and lobotomized a coffee shop AU into existence. Thinks Ianthe Tridentarius is beautiful. Once built a bone cocoon to sleep in after not drinking water for two days. Should’ve told God months ago that she just didn’t want to eat his fucking biscuits and stop offering.

John: 10/10. Unfortunately, this scale only goes up to 10 but we all know it’s not enough. Deeply cringe in a myriad of ways, chiefly among them the way he inflicts his barely veiled incest kink on all his friends. That one dad joke was gold, though.

This was getting too long but for the record: Aiglamene is cool and so is Abigail Pent. Magnus is not cool but he’s a fun time. The Terrible Teens are exempt from judgement on account of being 14.

[konchitsya-leto]

phrases and dialogues i saw floating out there in the internet as foxes!

-

Neil: i'm going to go and get the healthiest 6-8 hours long sleep. i have 2 hours to do so

-

Allison: yesterday i saw you with a boy

Andrew: it's my friend

Allison: you were kissing

Andrew: my very close friend

-

Dan: after an argument some people feel they might have been too rude. i always feel like i've had to be ruder. like, maybe, starting a fight might've been of a not so bad choice. at least i should have kicked that moron's ass just once.

-

Aaron: ach du heiliges aufmerksamkeitsdefizitsyndromkind

-

Nicky: Seth, hi! i have a favour to ask of you. can you laugh less? you know, they say laughing prolongs your life, and i'd like you to die sooner. sorry for being rude

-

Wymack: for fuck's sake, Andrew Joseph Fucking Minyard! where have you been? we called in every hospital and morgue out there, they said you're admitted to EACH OF THEM

-

Matt: don't aim to do the whole task in one set. break down your main task into subtasks. then break down every subtask into micro-tasks. then break down every micro-task into nano-tasks. and then,

Renee: boom! there are no tasks; everything has dissolved into an existential hole as if it has never existed at all; however, what's even real in this perishable flow of being?

-

Kevin: hi

Aaron: ...hi

Kevin: how are you?

Aaron: good

Kevin: hmm, why not bad?

-

Seth: i have two moods: 1) the fuck you think i'm joking. 2) i'm joking

-

Allison: i haven't completely fallen in love yet, so in my stomach there are caterpillars

-

Aaron: the smartest ones made the smartest move: they died last year

-

Kevin: i drink alcohol and they say i'm alcoholic but when i drink fanta they never say i'm fantastic

-

Neil: i've lost motivation. i need some life goal, my life energy has burnt out

Andrew: i can accomodate you with kicking your ass

-

Nicky: bonjour, motherfucker

Kevin: adios, bitchacho

-

Wymack: don't worry, don't cry

Kevin: drink vodka and fly

-

Renee: do you believe in god?

Andrew: no

Renee: you're such a nice looking guy!

Renee: and such a wrong thing is in your head

-

[during a session]

Betsy: have you ever tried screaming?

-

Andrew: i put the 'hot' in psychotic

Betsy: it's... Totally not how we handle it

-

Allison: sorry, i have no mental resources for that

Aaron: just as how it was yesterday

Allison: just as how it'll be tomorrow

-

Andrew: i like tall men. you walk next to them and can't hear what they are blah-blahing up there

-

Abby: we can't giggle here

Neil: but why?

Abby: well, it's a crime scene?

-

Abby: i'll tell you, jail is no fun

Wymack: you've been in jail???

Abby: once. in Monopoly

-

Abby: you are all really well behaved today. what did you do?

[keeksandgigz]

Keeks I’ve been thinking about Eddie and witchy reader and…

You know how sometimes Eddie makes jokes and makes fun of all her witchy stuff? Well…what if someone else did that?

As much as he doesn’t believe in it I can see him going full Protective Boyfriend Mode™️ on the motherfucker who had the audacity to make fun of his witchy. 🫠

gia i’m at work i’ve been pondering on this since u sent it😀

Look, I’m all for protective bf Eddie, but she’s a real witch, I doubt she needs Eddie to come save her, but it’s hot so fuck it :)

Sometimes you'd go to the record store Eddie works at for fun and you'd just be toying with a tarot deck you had in your bag, sitting in the back and hanging out whilst you wait for him to get off his shift.

His coworkers think that you being there is a little weird, they think you're a little weird overall and aren't sure why Eddie is even dating you.

"The witchy bitches are fucking toxic" one of them says outside the break room "He's gonna get his ass hexed or whatever if he doesn't do what she says" he chortles in the hallway, unbeknownst to him, Eddie is in the locker room getting his stuff.

"She's so fucking weird, dude. I literally saw her put fucking rocks in the store, like who does that?" the other one laughs. And at this point Eddie's blood is boiling. Nobody talks about his girl like that.

So he calmly exits the locker room and into the hallway, and his coworkers seem to tinge a bit pale, while he fixes his leather jacket and passes in between them.

He puts both his arms around the guys, almost in a huddle.

"Is my girlfriend bothering you dickheads?" he whispers. He doesn't want you to get involved. The two guys blubber some no's and of course not's. Shaking their heads.

"Perfect, then why did I hear your fucking mouths even utter about her? Why did I hear you call my girlfriend weird? Hm? Care to answer?"

The guys are trembling like leaves.

"Didn't think so. You jealous fucks wish you could get a girl like her." his hands crawl to the back of their necks, tightening a bit.

"Now, you dicks are gonna go out there, instead of being a couple of lazy fucks and from now on, if i hear you even think about my girl, I'll make sure to take care of it, 'kay?" he says, tight lipped smile on his face as he lets the two boys go as they utter their sorry, Eddie and their Jesus Christ's.

Just then, you get out of the break room. He turns and smiles, you just look so pretty.

"Ready to go, witchy?" he asks, extending his hand. You hum in approval.

"Sorry, was finishing a reading" you snicker.

The two boys ended up calling out the morning after due to a mysterious attack of food poisoning.

[hannahlovesluca]

Hi! Can I request Luxiem boys(separate) x reader who gets scared very easily and screams when scared? Play the don't scream game live on twitch?

(apologies for my bad English)

(inspired by kubz scout)

-🪻anon

hi 🪻 anon! welcome to the family!

Luxiem Boys + S/O playing “Don’t Scream”

• this motherfucker.

• he will laugh so hard if you scream, but if you’re getting like actually effected he’ll probably make you take a break <3

• probably makes a joke about how you need to go to ike for screamo lessons

• probably adds ike to the call solely because this man is petty as hell

• if you decide to go to the mini market in the game and you get the jump scare where the old man swipes across the screen, he’s most definitely making a lorax joke

• help ive never seen the lorax so i dont know if that context is correct but whatever

• “YOU MOTHERFUCKER JUST LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOONE!! AAAAAAAAGHHHH!!!”

• “HAHAHAGGAHAHAH”

• “DIN JÄVEL GÅ TILLBAKA HELVETET!! AGHHHH!!”

• translation: YOU FUCKER GO BACK TO HELL!

• lots of swears in swedish (from ike… and from me… sorry self insert….again………)

• he genuinely feels bad but also laughs sometimes

• he thinks youre adorable but he also finds it incredibly weird that he thinks someone being terrified for their life is cute…..

• “GÅ KNULLA DIG SJÄLV HAHAH YEAH DU HORA GÅ GRÅTA TILL MAMMA”

• translation: “GO FUCK YOURSELF HAHAH YEAH YOU WHORE GO CRY TO MOMMY”

• you probably end up saying something so bad that he goes limp from laughing and is in tears (literally, not exaggerating)

• and if you have trouble falling asleep that night he’ll make sure to run his hands through your hair and hum to you!

• hes such a dick

• BUT HE SHOULDNT EVEN BE SAYING ANYTHING BECAUSE??? HE GETS SCARED MORE EASILY THAN YOU???

• will literally whimper with you in discord call while youre playing.

• and still has the nerve to call you a baby

• sir?????

• du är en hycklare.

• anyway he most definitely teases you about it

• literally just call him out omg y/n

• ……but its kind of hot when he teases you so you let it happen

• anyway mid game you probably mute him because he’s screaming so loud LMAOO

• this mf is even worse than vox.

• laughing. LAUGHING. MANIACALLY.

• “HOW WAS THAT A SCREAM?! I DIDNT SCREAM OH MY FUCKING GOD!!”

• “HAHAGAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH”

• will be teasing you left and right

• “y/n…. whats kidamogus backwards…”

• “…luca..”

• “JUST ANSWER IT.”

• WILL SAY “LMAO” WHEN THERES A JUMPSCARE.

• his voice is more of a jumpscare than the game itself oh my lawd

• and um… if youre swedish…

• “AHHHHHHHH KNULLA HUR VAR DET ETT SKRIK? FÖR GUDS SKULL, DET HÄR SPELET KAN TA LIVET AV SIG.”

• anyways, if you’re seriously seriously scared to the point where you need comfort he is coming ASAP.

• and he brings snuggles <3

• is still teasing you, though

• he’ll giggle at you every now and then

• but overall he just thinks its cute and amusing

• and if you squeal out a curse his heart is just going to 💥💥💥

• i genuinely dont even know what else to add…. he just giggles at you a lot 😭😭

• will occasionally make a ligma joke if things are too quiet (almost the whole game since you have to be pretty much silent LMAOO)

• he’ll probably send messages in your chat even though hes in call with you

• Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN] 🔧: guys what do i do they’re so focused

[bravetimetravellingaussie]

Tomorrow

Poolverine oneshot

Summary: this is my idea of what happened right after Deadpool introduce Logan to Althea

Warnings: foul language, a lot of foul language, also it's got deadpool and wolverine in it, that's a warning in and of itself I think

"Now that you're acquainted with my mom, I meant mother, oh sorry, I dont know what's happening to my mouth muscles right now." Wade chuckled. "Anyways, now that you two have been acquainted, let me give you the grand tour, peanut."

"Make yourself at home, I'm going to take a nap," Althea said, not unkindly, before adding under her breath, "motherfucker's been back for less than five minutes and I already have a headache."

"I heard that!" Wade called after her cheerily, with a hint of middle fingers and a sprinkle of passive aggression.

Logan wondered whether Althea had developed a sixth sense to compensate her blindness when she returned the gesture right back at Wade before slamming the door behind her.

"I guess you won't be getting a tour of the master bedroom then." Wade turned to Logan. "It just so happens to be the only bedroom. I hope you're alright sleeping on the couch, peanut. I can show you how to unfold it so you have some more space." Wade looked Logan up and down. "I can borrow you some comfier clothes too, we can go shopping tomorrow for something that might fit you a bit better."

"I don't have any money on me, bub."

"I don't have much money either," Wade said with a grin. "Once you get settled I can try helping you find a job, if you like acquiring stuff the legal way, I could even put in a good word for you here or there, though that depends on whether you mind acquiring the money legally or not. Oh boy, I'm getting ahead of my self. You hungry, peanut?"

"I could eat a horse."

"Unfortunately, that is not on the menu, we do have an insane amount of instant noodles."

"Do you even know how to cook?"

"I'm not gonna dignify that with a response. I did manage to blow myself up once by leaving the gas on. Kitchen safety is no joke, kids!"

"Who the fuck are you talking to?"

"Nevermind that. Can you cook, peanut?"

"Of course I can cook."

"Damn, no need to get so high and mighty bout it. You know what I'm not even hungry anymore." Wade walked over to a closet and pulled out some items of clothing from the haphazard piles within. He walked back over to Logan and handed him sweats and a t-shirt. "I'll go get changed in the bathroom, you'll have to wait your turn, peanut."

Logan couldn't help but roll his eyes again before quickly changing out of his costume and into the sweats and t-shirt. The shirt was a bit tight and the sweats were too short, but he had to admit he hadn't felt so comfortable in a long time. He'd been in his costume for days now, and before that it was always jeans. It was a strange feeling, but a good one. The apartment felt a little warmer.

Wade walked out of the bathroom wearing pink pajama bottoms and a hoodie.

"Nice outfit, bub"

"Why thank you, peanut, I do try."

Logan couldn't resist the slight upward twitch in the corner of his mouth.

"Now the couch."

"Thanks." Logan lied down on the couch and sunk into it.

"You're one big boy, aren't ya?"

"You'd sink into this softass couch too if you had metal bones, so shut up asshole."

"Touché," Wade replied as he lowered himself down onto the floor.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Trying to go to sleep, but that's a bit hard to do with all your talking, peanut."

"Why don't you just sleep on the couch."

"Because you're sleeping on the couch?"

"Get over yourself, bub," Logan snorted. "This won't even be the closest we've been these past few days. I really don't care anymore."

"This feels like a trick." Wade narrowed his eyes at Logan but got up off the floor.

"I promise I won't stab you," Logan smirked before he turned to look at the ceiling and his expression turned serious again. "At least not on purpose. I should probably warn you. I have nightmares sometimes, and I get violent when I'm scared."

Wade sat down on the couch. He didn't say anything.

"You can have the couch, bub. I'm sinking into it like fucking quicksand anyways."

Wade lay down, on the couch. "Get over yourself, peanut. You couldn't hurt me if you tried."

Every adamantium infused bone in Logan's body screamed at him to run, to find the nearest bar and never look back, to find a place where no one would get close to him again. But he held onto that. No normal threat could kill the man on the couch next to him. Even he couldn't kill Wade. They even survived the time ripper, and if that had proved anything, it was that they were stronger together. Logan held onto these solid truths. He held onto them like a man clinging to the edge of a cliff. He'd have to start making his way up eventually, but for now he just focused on not falling. There was going to be a tomorrow. And he would make his way up that cliff at his own pace. An inch at a time, if that's what it was going take, but he'd get there eventually.

There was always tomorrow.

[cyborgartalchemist2]

Imagine being so fucking aggressive about a ship you make jokes about Magneto and that very groomer scene from X-Men 97 that just... excuse the behavior? Because that doesn't sound very progressive in my opinion. Like yeah... rape culture in relationships just permeats fucking shipping but lets do nothing to argue against it. Lets make jokes that perpetuate the behavior and excuse men taking advantage of women.

To me having Magneto take advantage of a much younger mutant under his tutelage because she's desperate for physical connection and he's the only one she can touch is meant to showcase A) how Gambit contrasts Magneto and B) remind us that Magneto is never above using mutants for his own gains.

If this were reality most people would be calling Magneto a groomer and worse. We know Rogue was still a teen when Mystique took her in. We know that she's been an X-man for a few years. So Magneto was patient enough to wait until she turned 18?

Historically he hasn't done well with his love life. Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver's mom left him without telling him he fathered children because she was scared of him! (I'm only going on TAS and 97 here since this is an adaptation.) So where in the high heavens does everyome think he would be good for Rogue?

I don't care about the 'better than Remy' arguments because that's not the point! The point of who you ship Rogue with should be about if it's a relationship that is good for her! Is she their equal? Does she get treated with respect? Magneto looked at the Genosha council and without asking Rogue said "I'll lead but only if this woman I am trying to get back is my queen". LIKE DOES THAT EVEN SOUND MATURE? Magneto shows up, sees Gambit and Rogue being even mildly affectionate and starts pulling asshole moves on Rogue. And the narrative did nothing to make Rogue stand up for herself (which she would have) she should have told Erik "I'm a big girl I can get my own sugar for my coffee." She is shown numerous times to remind everyone she is no one's 'territory'.

Also wish to address the fact that making Rogue x Magneto comes with a 'sex is the only thing that matters!' Flavor that is exactly what so many of us are tired of in shipping. When did shipping stop being about the drama of a couple fighting against a narrative that pushes them apart or about finding love in the most unconventional of places, like alien hunting? And become solely about how nasty they can fuck? Seriously?

AND it's so blandly hetero it's not even funny. Because honestly the ways in which a couple can experience pleasure that don't involve traditional p in v penetration is vast and wild and there are enough types of gear and costumes and the like to facilitate that between Rogue and Gambit. Because that's all the argument has to stand on, is which man can fulfill her sexual needs. WHICH SHE HERSELF REALIZED WASN'T ENOUGH. She kisses Erik and goes "nope they're ain't any sparks there. This isn't going to be fulfilling ever."

Not to mention the fact that I can't genuinely see Magneto offering to die for Rogue. Sorry that grandstanding in Genosha was not the same. It was barely a heroic move... he still didn't save the Morlocks he promised to protect... he still failed. He couldn't save Leech and he couldn't stop the Sentinel either. Because yeah Magneto attempted to save Rogue and Gambit, but he did nothing to save the Morlocks at his side and he also survived without taking out the giant killer robot... but Gambit? Gambit said fuck it, gonna take this motherfucker to hell with me. He stopped Rogue from facing the sentinel so he could. And he actually stopped it. All on his own. Because that's what an x-man would do. Sure Magneto protectdd two people but sacrificed the morlocks yet again...

AND ON THE SUBJECT OF ROGUE x GAMBIT

Has Gambit always been great with Rogue? No, but that was the 90s and now look at how he handles shit? Comics writing has grown. It was a lot more heternormative and still had lots of rape culture hold overs in it.

Look at the episode when Cody shows up. He uses Rogue's connection to him from the past and then puts her in a situation that almost takes away her humanity. Her powers, which was what lured her into this trap in the first place, saved her from a man taking advantage of her. And the one time Gambit (in TAS) takes advantage of her, Morph in her form, told him to come and get some from her first. (So while he should have paused and woke Rogue up before kissing her, he had what he thought was an invitation.)

Gambit takes Rogue's decision to rule Genosha with Magneto incredibly well. He doesn't get mad, he doesn't call Rogue names, he doesn't do anyhting to hurt Rogue the way she is hurting him. He accepts it like a gentleman. Unlike Magneto who pursued Rogue's affections in unhealthy ways.

So uh... yeah that's my fucking rant.

[beforeastorm]

We used to be a proper fandom (not really)

I'm not going to link or reference directly, because the claims have not been verified to any reasonable degree, but I have watched 911blr descend into... something... over the last couple of days because of a situation(s) involving truly horrendous fics, homicide-this-character accounts, and some pretty intense accusations about who (both specifically and as a group) is culpable for those behaviors. And I have some thoughts.

(Under the cut, because I ramble).

Desensitization and Escalation: The fics/account/posts/tweets didn't happen in a vacuum. They're, unfortunately, a natural evolution of what's been happening for months (before anyone ats me, on both/either side). It starts small: I hate so and so, I hate so and so's fans; so and so is the worst, so and so's fans are the worst. People become desensitized to it and then you're primed to escalate. THIS IS CLASSIC SOCIAL CONDITIONING. From I hate them, to someone should enact violence on them, to they deserve that violence, to I hope they die, to they have to die, etc.

I literally saw a tweet that stated something along the lines of "RT if you think we shouldn't consider (ship stans) humans". I'm sorry why are we questioning folk's humanity? About a television ship? The tweet did very well. Tons of likes and RTs. Anytime someone called them out for it, they were told to lighten up and learn how to take a joke. That it wasn't that serious. Well, here we are, a couple months later, and shit has gotten pretty serious now, eh?

And the longer in-groups permit this behavior, at any level, the more the cycle continues. And yes, it does need to be in-groups holding their own to account. And that's not always calling them out - especially if they're not in your circle. And not that you shouldn't call out behavior from the other side, but also - let's sweep our own kitchens before we call someone else's house a mess.

And, to be frank: both houses are messy so don't even.

And let me clarify by what I mean when I say holding people accountable. Because Tim Minear, to my knowledge, has not made any of us 9-1-1 fandom police, nor appointed a fandom inquisitorial squad. So you don't have to proverbially yell at someone to hold them accountable, though if you think they're open to a dialogue - then go for it. You can also choose not to engage/reblog/like/repost bad content; you can unfollow them, even if they make really cool art or write otherwise awesome fics or have really insightful takes 95% of the time. You can make a counterclaim or disavow a bad take; if it's someone in your circle by all means have a developmental conversation. The (ship) fandom would never! Yes they would. So would (other ship) fandom, and even (third ship) fandom and I've actually never met a toxic Bathena fan so go off kings (/gn) but there's probably one out there somewhere. Liking a ship isn't a vaccine to toxicity. Toxic, damaged people exist everywhere. They've existed since the dawn of time. I don't want to accuse anyone of being naive, but really? All this line of thinking does is create blind spots where we allow bad actors room and space to fester. We can, and should state that there's no space for this in the (ship) fandom, and anyone behaving in such a manner will face appropriate social sanctioning, up to and including ostracization. But to just flatly deny the possibility that someone on 'our side' might be bad is irresponsible.

The remedy is suffocation, not to ignore it: I get that you don't want to, to use fire metaphors because it's 9-1-1 after all, feed the flames by engaging with bad actors and giving them attention. Unfortunately, when you ignore a fire, it can spread unchecked.

Suffocate that motherfucker (metaphorically) and grab the burn kits. Starve them out. Unfollow, block - warn your friends - offer care to any affected. If it breaks ToS - report it. YOU SHOULD RESPOND, but you can choose to respond in ways that don't give bad actors the attention they may be craving.

This act was perpetuated by (ship) stans! I feel like I'm in an episode of Scooby Doo. It's not bad (ship) fans, it's (anti-that-ship) fans PRETENDING to be (ship) fans to make them look bad and sow chaos? RIP OFF THE MASK! Was it Agatha all along?

I do believe that happens. I also believe that not every single take that makes your preferred ship/fandom look bad is from a double agent. All pure, immediate, unequivocal denial and accusation does is provide cover and perpetuate the rot in that ship space. Before we immediately accuse the other side, we should show up with some goddamn receipts. (I have yet to see receipts).

And listen, people don't need to like each other, or even agree, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO BE ABLE TO OPEN AO3 WITHOUT WORRYING ABOUT STUMBLING ACROSS UNTAGGED CSA, ESPECIALLY FOR MY HOMIES WHO ARE SURVIVORS, BECAUSE SOME JABRONI WENT "SHIP WARS RAH RAH!" AND DECIDED THAT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA.

At the end of the day - fandom should be joyful. If your entire experience has been reduced to bashing another ship, bashing characters, starting rumors about other fans, complaining about other fans/ships/characters, impersonating fans of ships you're against, or infiltrating 'enemy territory' like you're some kind of spy and not some overworked, underpaid 21st century serf trying to exist under the crushing, existential weight of our capitalist hellscape whose main form of escaping said hellscape is our weewoo show blorbos? Be so for real right now. It's giving Regina George. Why are you so obsessed with them? Choose to engage with joy (or alternatively, choose to engage in really sad fics if you need a good cry because that is fair and also valid).

Stormy out ✌️

[tomshelbystitsfics]

Untitled Fic.

Eventual!Carmen x Reader

(this is just the beginning for the fic. its storyline/plot building. also the reader is midsize. not skinny but not plus. in the middle)

(im posting this its the beginning to a fic im writing & i just wanted to post this lil excerpt. hoping to get some feedback & see what people think! please, let it rip:)

Home. Home? What did that word mean to you? It was a noisy, dirty, yet charming city. An old house, at least sixty years old. Paint now peeling, gutters full of old leaves and shit. Home, a minute's walk across the road. Inside a warm dish of delicious food awaits. Michael hands you that first plate. There it was, the moment of truth. Determining if you were friend or foe. Not really though, just testing to see if you were a narc. (Later you would argue with Mikey that his logic made no sense whatsoever.)

You found a home in the dysfunctional, crazy ass Berzatto family. They quickly accepted you as one of their own. Having been Carmy’s best (and only) friend. Always so polite and sweet. Until Mikey or Richie pissed you off. They were always picking on you and Carmy. And sometimes they pushed hard enough to set you off. That is exactly why you’re all in this situation now.

“Fucking A. You ain’t gotta hit me that hard asshole! Seriously, it was just a fucking joke man! Lighten the FUCK UP!” Richie yelled. You sat across the island from him. Mikey was digging through the freezer. He was trying to find something to ice Richie’s face. You had given the bastard a black eye and a bloody fucking nose. Mikey was more than impressed. So was Richie, but he wouldn’t be telling you that any fucking time soon.

“I’m sorry Rick,” he scowled as you called him that. “I tried to warn ya that you went too far, but no, you just had to go there.” He just stared at you, deadpan. You sucked in a breath, cheeks puffed out. Head in your hands you let out the breath. Standing up and making your way in front of the man. A hand extended out, an olive branch.

Scoffing he smacked the hand away. Your chest tightened, Richie was basically your older brother. His rejection hurt, a fucking lot in fact. Not wanting him to see the tears starting to well up, you start to turn away. That is when you feel it. Two long, solid arms wrap around you. Twisting around, you rest your chin on his shoulder and grasp the back of his old ass hoodie tight. Fingers clenching the fabric.

“It’s all good Doll. I still love ya. Even if you broke my goddamn nose.” Richie held you, then after a beat, “I mean shit. My cheekbone feels like a grown man split it, kid.” The tender moment was over for now. Richie is trying to make a joke out of it. You smirk, shoving him by the shoulders into his previous seat.

“ ‘S what ya get asswipe! Quit fucking with her when she says. It’s called ‘boundaries’ cousin? Ever heard of the concept?” Mikey slapped a steak on his eye. The other man groaned.

“FUCK SAKES MIKEY! Please, could ya be a little more considerate or some shit? I already got rocked. Don’t need a worse fucking bruise.” Mumbling as he pushed Mikey’s hand away, holding the slab of meat.

“I am not eating that shit later Mikey, no fucking shot.” Giggling, you give the man a kiss on the cheek. “What’s for dinner anyways?” The dark haired man seemed to think for a moment, then said something similar to what landed Richie his shiner and fucked nose.

“Ask Carmy, I’m sure he has a few ideas for what he wants.” Wagging his eyebrows at you. The smirk was audible. Mikey seemed to be proud of himself for the quip.

“Y-You…motherfucker.. I swear I’ll end you, Berzatto. YOU BITCH, C’MERE.” You took off around the island to where he stood in front of the kitchen sink. Richie was screaming and crawling up onto the counter, “ You two fucks better watch out for me. My shit’s busted enough. Get the fuck outta here!”

The memories of Mikey and the family keep swirling through your head as you stand in front of the funeral home. It had been a year since you physically saw any of the Berzatto clan. Too many years since seeing your best friend. Carmen Anthony Berzatto. A name you desperately wanted to forget. The name felt hollow to say, a distant memory. A smoke show that never existed except only in the dark recesses of your mind. Brought up when you wish to torture yourself even more than usual.

Drinking in the cold Chicago air, you begin the trek up the stairs. One measly step at a time. Hoping to calm your racing heart. It felt like the organ was lodged in your throat, bound to come up in a grisly mess at any second. The walk into the foreboding building felt like it took light years and seconds all at once. Standing before the doors, hand hovering over the knob. Psyching yourself up you finally grasp the knob and starting to pull and-

“Fucking Christ! This is fucking insane.” A familiar voice barks out. The door was quickly and haphazardly thrown open. PANG! Jumping back it only caught your arm a bit. The pain was nice and a needed distraction.

“Oh shit, I am so sorry, I-I didn’t realize anyone…” a small gasp of surprise and a tearful chuckle. Then a slow shaky intake of air, “Doll, is-is that you? Or am I just fucking nuts?” Desperation paints his tone. His words crack and waver with emotion, no, sadness and grief. And a bit of hope.

“Hey cousin, I guess it's only fair, I did bust ya up good when we were younger. An eye for a, uh- arm, I guess.” Your voice was thick with the tears ready to be shed. Before you know you’re shoved into his warm chest. All you smell is stale cigarettes, and his woodsy, Ed Hardy cologne. The aroma of smoke, along with bergamot and amber soothes you. There was a time you despised this fucking scent. It was always too strong and pungent. Telling Richie he smelt like a hooker, wanting to piss him off.

“At least one of us is shaking ass and making some cash Doll.” SMACK! Richie shook his hips at you.

“You made it inside yet? ‘Course not, fuck. I-I’m sorry Doll, my brain is fucking lost. I-I don’t have a goddamn clue about what’s going on.” Apologizing and rubbing his nose roughly.

“Can’t lose something you never had Rick.” You smirk, jabbing him in his ribs.

“Hardy har. You got fucking jokes, eh? Nice, real nice…Shit.” Richie let out a loud sigh and looked at his feet, “Don’t call me fucking Rick man. Shit wasn’t cool when you were a kid, sure as shit ain’t cool now pip squeak.” He smacked you lightly on the back of your head. Reaching into his coat he grabs a cigarette, and swings the pack towards you. You quit smoking, (mainly vaping) a year ago. But, fuck it.

It is a funeral after all. Might as well take the edge off somehow. Being sober was fucking awful at times. You both finished the cigarettes in silence. After stubbing the cherry out, you gestured to the door.

“Think we should, uh, ya know?”

Richie swallowed his nerves and gave a single nod. The man had a hold of the handle before you could even think about it. Walking into one of the absolute worst possible moments of your entire fucking life.

[lupinus-bicolor]

i havent seen this scene in its entirety (probably for copyright reasons, suck my ass disney) so i decided to clip it and share with u guys. sorry for the audio quality, I've subtitled it below the cut lol. if/when this gets copyright claimed just hmu I'll link it

DP: Ok I'm just gonna ask, what's with the suit? First thing I did when I flamed out, I took mine off.

W: Drop it.

DP: It's not that ugly.

W: Stop talking about my suit-

DP: Did you make it yourself? Been there.

W: Quit. Now.

DP: The xmen make you wear it? Those sons 'a fucking bitches. They are not your friends, I'll tell you that. Friends don't let friends leave the house looking like they fight crime for the Los Angeles Rams.

W: Shut the fuck up about my suit.

DP: Woah woah woah woah watch your frown lines, angel baby, I'm just trying to bond a little bit-

W: Yeah well then talk about somethin' else.

DP: Fine.

W: Stop it.

DP: If they can fix your world what's the first thing you're gonna do when you get outta here? Rubbing alcohol shots, maybe a wiper fluid chaser?

W: What did you say?

DP: When you get back, what's the first thing you're gonna do?

W: No, before that.

DP: If... They can fix your world?

W: What do you mean "if"? You lied to me, you don't have a fucking clue if they can help me fix things do you?

DP: No I mean- Ow! Fuck! Fuck! I didn't lie!

W: You lied!

DP: No I made an educated wish! Because I need you! This. This is why, right here. Because if we don't do something, they die. I don't know anything about saving worlds, and why would I even care? Because my entire world is right here in this picture. It's only nine people and I have no idea how to save it alone. I know how to fuck people up for money, but you! You know how to save 'em! At least, the other Wolverine did. Agh! I guess I'm stuck with the worst one.

W: Did you say you made an educated fucking "wish"?

DP: They call me the merc with the mouth, they don't call me "truthful Timmy, the blowjob queen of Saskatoon".

W: One more word. Please, give me one.

DP: Gubernatorial. Ah!

W: You know what, you're a fucking joke. No wonder the Avengers didn't take you, or the xmen, they'll take fuckin' anyone. I mean you are, you're ridiculous. Immature, half-wit moron. I have never met a sadder, more attention-starved jabbering little prick in my entire life, and that says a lot 'cause I've been alive for over two hundred fuckin' years. I tell ya, that bald chick was right about one thing. You will never save the world. You couldn't even save a relationship with a goddamn stripper! And motherfucker I wish I could say you'd die alone, but it's one of god's best jokes that you can't die, except that it's on all of us! You got nothin' to say, Mouth?

DP: I'm gonna fight you now.

W: Oh are you?

W: Not talkin' now, are ya?

DP: Ah, you dirty bitch!

DP: Baby knife!

DP: I take it all back, the Honda Odyssey fucks hard! Too bad you don't, needle dick.

W: Oh we're just gett'n started, bub.

[graycomfort]

I have an idea to write something heavy. David naturally has better communication skills than Simon. Simon is more unhappy, which makes him insecure, whereas David does not have this quality and can flirt with Sophie. Girls love bad boys. And as a result, Simon may catch them in an intimate moment or simply realize that he will never get Sophie back and become even more depressed. David may pester Sophie or the reader, or Simon will meet the reader after catching David and Sophie together.

+ "I am adding to the previous post. David makes Sophie fall in love with him. Simon had known David since he found out Sophie was with him. and when Henrikson becomes disabled, he says his signature phrase at a meeting with Leatherhoff. And the reader could call an ambulance for Simon"

Simon Hennrikson x Gn! Reader - Shouldn't - Part 1

Pairings: Sophie x David Leatherhoff, Simon Hennrikson x Reader

Synopsis: Your best friend Sophie falls in love with your brother, David. Simon isn't too happy about that, but maybe something good can come of it.

Everyone in this story is an asshole, but I'm so sorry David and Sophie lovers! I WILL TRY TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU!!!!! Masterlist

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting!!! I'm so sorry for going a bit off-topic from the prompt you asked of me, and for taking such a long time. I had struggled a bit while writing it, and I ain't too happy with the outcome. I'M SORRY IF IT DOESN'T MAKE MUCH SENSE WAHHHHH

Contents: Two best friends drifting apart due to a relationship, everyone is an asshole in one way or another, eating ham pizza (just exchange it for something else if you don't eat meat or don't like pizza in general), one use of Y/N, unhealthy relationship, angst??? Word count: ~2.5k

"Oi, bro bro. Borrow me one of your Wii controllers, please." I said as soon as I entered my brother's room. David got startled, as I didn't even bother to knock, and dropped his joint on the carpet below. "Fucking hell." He muttered as he picked it back up. The carpet was now decorated with yet another burn mark as it wasn't a rare occurrence. "Don't you have two of them yourself?" He answered in a gruff voice of his. "If I didn't need one I wouldn't even waste my time talking to you. But I broke one of them and I need two." I crossed my arms as the conversation could have been very much avoided. "What for?" I groaned as he dragged out the conversation on purpose. "To play the other one with my feet, obviously." I stated with sarcasm seeping from my words. "I'm having a friend over, what else would I need two for, you idiot!" "You're weird as shit, I would have believed the first one." He said with an eye-roll as he stood up.

"So can I have it??" "Yes, Jesus, gimme a second to get it, you fucking parasite." His movements were sloppy, as expected from a guy who has taken more drugs today than I have drunk water this week. "Says you." But he didn't lie and within a minute the controller you needed was in your hands. "Thanks, will return it when she goes home." I was ready to leave, I only got to turn around before David spoke up again. "She? You're having a laddyy over! Is she pretty??" I turned my head at the question. Staring into his red eyes with obvious disgust. "Whatever is going through that drugged-up mind of yours, quit it." He shrugged. "If you're not interested I might be." He said with a cheeky tone. "No." I didn't even bother to argue with a guy who possibly couldn't even see who was in front of him.

But it did make me worried. I prayed all he said was a joke and that he wouldn't advance on her. He would be such a bad influence on a such sweet girl like her. I didn't even get to my room as a knock sounded on the front door. "I'll get it!" Was heard as a black smudge ran past me. The most coordination I have seen him manage to keep in a while. Oh, you motherfucker.

David opened the upper lock on the door and swung it open. Before the squeaky door, which had a "Leatherhoff" doorplate glued to it, stood an average heightened brunette girl. It was the first time I had ever invited her to my house, so she was caught off guard at the sight of a disheveled-looking man. "Oh my, why do I have the pleasure of seeing an angel at my doorstep?" She was not prepared to be hit on the second the door opened. The fact that most interactions she had with men had been bullying from her schoolmates. It weirded her out, yet kinda felt pleasant. What she was supposed to say she didn't know.

"Is this wh-" Before she could finish her sentence, the dark-haired man was forcefully shoved out of the way by a familiar to her face. "Move it, pothead." I stabilized myself after the strong push and made way so the said girl could enter. "Please come in, Sophie. And don't mind my idiotic brother." As I was mentioning him I shoved my elbow into his ribs. Which he winced at.

Sophie looked so unsure of the whole shit show before her, but in the end, she did enter my household. As soon as she took off her shoes I rushed her into my room. I sent one last glare in the direction of my brother before he fled back to his room annoyed. Sophie looked at me and said in a slight whisper "Was he…?" Her hand raised to point at her eyes. "High? Yeah." I said with a tired tone and threw myself on my bed. "I'm sorry that it was the first thing you saw here." I stared at her worried. I really didn't want her to judge me based on my brother. But Sophie just waved her raised hand. "Ah, don't worry about it. He was sweet to me." The worried look quickly got replaced with disgust. I fake gagged. "Ugh, girl nah!!" She laughed at my reaction and sat down next to me.

She grabbed her bag and took out a few crinkly pages. "I got you the notes you wanted. Sorry, they're kinda smugged… got pushed into a puddle…" Her mood suddenly dropped at the mention of the accident. I sighed with anger. "Fuck. That's the second time this week, I wish I was there to pay them back." Sophie smiled at the sign of care and looked up at me as I took the papers. "Don't worry, Simon was there and stood up for me." She paused for a second. "I should introduce you two to each other, I feel like you two would have a lot in common. And he could use some socializing…"

I recognized the name, but couldn't pinpoint it to a face though. As it was mostly obscured by the hood of the hoodie he always wore. It surprised you when Sophie said he stood up for her or let alone that he's her friend, as he seemed very reserved and mostly kept to himself. Usually spending breaks and sometimes even classes, listening to music, or sleeping. I couldn't blame him, I would have probably done the same thing. Yet I really wanna show the school am I better than my deadbeat brother who used to go to this school. Most of the teachers had a sour look on their faces the first time they read my last name while taking note of the attendance. I feel like I have succeeded in showing them I'm nothing like him. But the pressure to keep up the good act was still there.

"Yeah sure, I will gladly meet him. He seems like a good guy." Sophie smiled at me, she felt glad. "He is, he is. I mean yeah, he can get a bit too much sometimes. But I'm guessing that's mostly because he doesn't have any other friends than me." I hummed back at the information. The conversation diverted into many different topics before we could even get to the main point of our hangout. Playing on the Wii. Just dance, Wii Sports, etc. We played any party games we could find in my library of games until we got tired. Sophie was pretty skilled at playing those even tho she doesn't really own any gaming equipment. I was glad to give her access to mine as she seemed to enjoy it very much. The room was filled with movement, laughter, and overall fun.

It was all interrupted eventually by the door getting swung open by David. I was about to tell him off before I noticed that he actually had a reason to come in here. "Mom ordered pizza. This one's for you two. It's ham, I think." I stood up from my bed and took the pizza from his hand. Sophie was right behind me. "Great timing! I'm starving" She leaned over my shoulder, placing her hands on them. "It smells so good!" I looked at David, who's focus was on Sophie. "Tell Mom we said thanks." And with that I went back to my bed, taking the pizza with me. Before Sophie went back herself, she turned to David. "Thank you for bringing it to us." She smiled, which was replicated by David. "No problem, beautiful." I groaned before Sophie had a chance to reply. "C'mon. It's gonna get cold if you keep chit-chatting." David signed and grabbed the door handle. "Maybe another time." With that he left, closing the door behind him.

I was very much annoyed with the forceful flirting he was showering Sophie with. The girl didn't see anything wrong with David's actions. As she was appreciating all the positive words sent her way. As it wasn't a common thing in her life. Sophie came back and opened the pizza box as I was too deep in my thoughts. I was brought back to reality when I felt a warm scratchy texture in my hand. As Sophie put one of the pieces in it. David was right, Sophie was an angel. He was right about the pizza too, it is indeed ham.

It started to get dark once we finished eating. "I should better be going. It's getting dark." I glanced outside only now noticing the dark grayish sky. "Man…" "Yeah…" Sophie didn't look too happy about it just like me. I stood up and Sophie grabbed her things. "I had a lot of fun, we should do it more often!" She beamed as I replied with a nod. "Definitely!"

As we got out of my room, we met my mom in the hallway. "Ah miss Leatherhoff. Thank you for the pizza and for having me!" Mom waved her hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it, my dear. It got late, why don't Y/n's brother drive you home." She smiled sweetly. Sophie started to get worried, as she had just seen him high a few hours ago.

"I don't know, ma." I said worried about Sophie's safety. My mom didn't really listen as she called out for David to come to the hallway. It didn't take long till he came out of his room. "Yeah? What is it?" David seemed better, his eyes less red as if it wore off. Yet I still didn't trust him. You couldn't bring it up to Mom, it was a very sensitive topic. She chooses to be oblivious to her son's obvious addiction.

"Could you give Sophie a ride back home?" David looked confused at who she meant. Looking next to her, he saw his annoyed sibling and the brunette girl he hit on earlier. Just now remembering that it was her name. "Yeah, sure. Lemme just grab my keys." David disappeared again and then appeared back in the hallway quickly with his car keys in hand.

I was so displeased with the situation at hand. "Something happens to Sophie and you're fucking dead, David." I glared at him. "Y/n! Language!" My mom said before David spoke up to his defense. "Chill, nothing will happen. You know I'm an amazing driver." I raised my eyebrow. "Oh, are you now?" David sent a glare back at you. "Enough of that." Our mom spoke up.

I signed and went to hug Sophie goodbye. Before I let them leave I spoke up one last time. "Text me the second something happens or when you get home, okay?" "Okay, okay. I should be fine." She said as if she wasn't sure herself. They both put their coats and shoes on and left. I stood there looking at the door a second longer. Worried thoughts filled my brain.

And I was right. I couldn't stop David from entering my room while Sophie was there. But I couldn't stop the text messages. I don't know when they started texting. Possibly they exchanged numbers when he drove her home. It didn't matter. What mattered was that my conversations with Sophie started to get filled with 'You will never guess what David said' 'David did this' 'David' and 'David'. I would have been happy for her. If it wasn't my druggie of a brother she was talking about.

I suggested to her plenty of times that maybe she could go for Simon. "Have you seen how he looks at you? He definitely likes you!" At this point, I started to sound desperate. "Maybe… but I just don't see him that way. I like him, just not like that." I felt defeated.

Then the unavoidable happened. It was a very quiet break, there was maybe one more person in the classroom besides me. Sophie came so excited to my desk. "You won't believe it!" I looked up at her from my notes. "What?" I should have been already prepared for what she was about to say. "David and I are dating!" But I wasn't.

"Åh, cool!" I tried not to show how displeased I was with what she just announced to me. My eyes made a connection with the notes again. "Something wrong?" She asked and I really wanted to tell her the truth. I didn't wanna be a bad guy in her eyes. She was love-struck, and David made her happy. So I lied. I looked up at her with a fake grin. "Åh, nej. I'm happy for you two! I'm just a little tired and studying for today's exam is killing me.'" "Åh, I'm sorry! I will let you be! Good luck!" With that, she was gone. I watched her leave as if it was gonna be the last time I saw her. When she was out of my sight I sighed.

Hangouts at my house changed from just us two hanging out. David started joining us more and more often. With time it was David who invited her, not me. I didn't have to, she was here at least once a week anyway. At some point, I stopped going out of my room to them. Lying that I wasn't feeling too good.

Sophie did realize after a few times that I didn't come out of my room on purpose. So she decided to make plans in advance that involved going outside. So I couldn't hide in my room. She came up to me at school. "Hej, are you maybe free this weekend?" I pondered for a second. "Um, I don't think I have anything planned, why?" "How about we get some coffee this weekend? Me, you, David, and I will also invite Simon!" I really wanted to decline the offer. I was hoping it was gonna just the two of us, but of course, David had to be there too. But I do remember agreeing to meet Simon tho. Maybe he being there with us was gonna make it at least a bit less awkward, so I agreed.

"Yeah, sure." She seemed to relax at my answer. "Good! I will send you the details once I invite the rest." I was glad she still cared about our friendship. I felt a bit of an asshole for avoiding her when she came over. But I had my reasons.

A few classes later I felt my phone buzz. 'Saturday 1 p.m sounds alright to you?' was a message sent by Sophie. I replied with a thumbs-up to it and put my phone back in my pocket. The thought of regret filled my brain, but I couldn't back out now.

A few uneventful days went by till it was Saturday. It was Saturday at 12 a.m right now. I got ready for the day early, trying to look at least a bit decently since it's not gonna be just you three. I wondered what kind of person Siomn was, as Sophie's description and my own observations didn't give me much to work with.

The door to my room was open, and he stood in it. I chose to ignore him until he spoke up himself. The person in the hallway did not cross the threshold and spoke to me from where he was standing. "Are you ready to go?" It was David who, despite your relationship souring even more since he met Sophie, offered to give me a lift. "Yeah." The room was filled with an awkward silence as I picked up my things.

He moved away from the door and waited for me to put on my coat and shoes. My pace was clearly too slow for him as he passed by me and went straight for the door. "We're leaving!" He shouted to our mom who shouted back to us about being careful. And then he left. Shortly after I left the house myself, locking it behind me.

[deblklesb]

Maybe reader goes into a full autistic/neurodivergent shutdown and Abby helps reader?

(disclaimer: I'll describe it based on my personal experience with shutdowns and also on what I've seen some people sharing. not all autistic people have the same experience, please keep that in mind)

i just KNOW abby would be so so supportive and caring with you!

like depending on the au she could have more or less knowledge about autism, i think doctor!abby could have more experience after appointments with autistic patients and etc. (she went out of her way to learn more in order to create a better experience to them), but either way would first and foremost ask you in simple questions about what you need, as in presenting options for you that doesn't need too much to think about.

"Want me to stay with you?"

"Hey, I brought water for you, babe. I'll leave the bottle in the bedside table"

"You need to eat, bun. I'll bring something for you okay?"

She'll get your favorite food. And if there's none in the house (most of the times you don't run out of your comfort food, but anything can happen) she calls for some delivery - she's not leaving you the first times because she doesn't know what you might need.

The lights bother you even more in shutdowns, so she'll have just one light on in the house, maybe the bathroom because it's central, or the kitchen because it's farther from your room. Sometimes you like to watch your favorite show or favorite movie on and on, so she tries not to interrupt.

There are times when you specifically ask her to stay with you, and so she does. If working next to you it's okay, she can lay down by your side and do some, just the very necessary, before giving you her undivided attention. At this point she also knows some lines of the movies, and so she repeats them along and laughs with you.

Abby is a-okay with being your personal weight blanket. Sometimes you just need her to lay on top of you, between your legs, and she stays there happily. You love how warm she is, and that she lets you stim caressing her skin and making braids on her hair over and over.

Once you got months without a shutdown, so when it came it made you so frustrated and nervous. Abby got home to find you laying on the floor due to the very hot day, face swollen with tear trails, only panties on your body; your skin was directly in contact with the cold ground as you looked at the TV.

"Hey, babe", she said, putting the keys on the table. When you didn't answer, she left her bag at the corridor and took out the shoes, coming closer. She crouched next to you, noticing how you weren't looking at her. "Bun? Are you okay?"

You just shook your head, still looking at the TV. Silent, you pulled your phone closer and wrote on the notes app.

The day was shit. it's too hot so i was sweating all the time and I'm already feeling like crap. my boss was so fucking stupid, he doesn't know how to maintain a good work place and just acts like all ableism is just jokes between co-workers when i distinctively told him it's affecting my job. I can't punch that motherfucker of coworker in the face because i would be fired and i need the job. and on top of all of that, traffic was hell, people kept honking all the time up and down, the chatting in the bus sounded louder than usual and i think my body doesn't want to stay together anymore because of this godforsaken heat.

Her blue eyes, bathed by the cool LED of the TV, wandered around the screen as she read you rant. And then she was seating there, not too close but enough for you to feel her presence.

"I'm so so sorry, bun", she whispered, not touching you. Your feet were brushing against each other, since the sensation soothed you, and the open window let the smallest wind come inside the apartment. "Have you eaten?"

I haven't been able to get up after i showered

"Okay. I'll go take a shower myself and then I'll make us something to eat, alright?"

She was next to you all the time that night. She didn't ask you nothing the whole time, just putting the food for you and then sitting there on the floor so you could eat together. Abby didn't come too close because she knew the temperature wasn't ideal and you both didn't had the money to get an air-conditioning yet, she just stated that you could come to her when you felt comfortable to do so and offered her hand to be held in the mean time.

After an impossible to count amount of time, you rested your head on her thigh, still quiet and watching the cartoon.

"Oh my God, Dooffenschmirtz' building looks so much like Ferb. Like, the shape... I never noticed that before", she muttered more to herself, but the fact brought a chuckle out of you. And as simple as it was, it made her chest a little bit warmer; to see you slowly relaxing and regulating.

"Do you want to sleep on our bed or here on the living room, babe?" She asked after a long time, because it was getting late and soon you'd have to sleep.

The living room was cooler than your room, and the mattress could be so hot during the night you'd wake up all sweaty and sticky - if the heat during the day was painful, waking up on drenched sheets would make you so so much worst. And you had that traveling mattress, you could put it on the floor and stay there for the rest of the night, next to the living room window.

"I can stay on the couch so you won't be alone", she added.

I guess I'll sleep here. We can fix the area to be more comfortable. I'll help you.

You stood slowly and the place was soon being organized to better accommodate you both. She got some pillows and thin sheets, you padded the simple mattress and covered the couch with a duvet to make it more comfortable for Abby.

That night she slept with her hand between yours, and you felt so grateful for having someone that would be with you through those times. You kept caressing her hand with your thumb because the stim was soothing you, untill you fell asleep with some cool wind coming from the restless city night.