#sorry if this came off as trauma dumping I was not doing that at all lol

[moonygryffin]

I just read about the Lyme disease. I knew that tick bites were bad, but not that bad! I saw many ticks in my village, but I never got bitten luckily. I hope you recover from this disease. Take care of yourself!

Thanks for your words and sorry if you don’t want a long explanation of Lyme disease, but I really like talking about it/my experience with it to help spread awareness! So uh, stop here if you don’t wanna read all that lol

Lyme is actually one of the least bad tick-borne diseases, in my opinion! Which is why ticks are so scary to me. They’re very important to the ecosystem, I would never wish them to be eradicated, but I do hate them and don’t want them anywhere near me lol

There’s basically two versions of Lyme. If your doctor catches it early and you don’t have other major health issues, it can be cured relatively easily with a month or so of strong antibiotics. A lot of people barely have any symptoms at all when its caught this early, usually just muscle and/or joint pain, some fatigue, maybe a fever. My mom actually got bit and caught Lyme somewhat recently and, even tho her immune system is still not 100% from her chemotherapy a few years ago, she completely recovered with only some mild fatigue that went away during treatment. One thing of note is that Lyme’s famous “bull’s eye rash” is not nearly as common as people say it is. You can absolutely still have Lyme disease even if you never developed the distinctive rash. I didn’t, my mom didn’t, and my doctor (who has had Lyme multiple times) has only had it once.

The other ‘version’ of Lyme is way more painful, dangerous, and stubborn. Basically, if your Lyme isn’t caught fast enough, not only can you develop way more symptoms, but it becomes much harder to cure. When I was finally getting diagnosed, I was given this huge like 10 page packet of some of (not all) the symptoms of Lyme disease. It’s very similar to the early days of Covid when it could seemingly cause thousands of different health issues. The most common are still joint and muscle pain, major fatigue, and other flu-like symptoms, but it can also cause sudden hair loss, random numb patches around your spine, burning skin, etc. I had to go to a specific psychologist to get diagnosed with autism, adhd, and ocd because Lyme can mimic adhd lol. Hell, IT GAVE ME OCD! Very crazy stuff. I’ve also heard it can induce way more deadly stuff with certain organs but I won’t go into depth with that here in case anyone has triggers related to that sort of thing.

I’ve gone way further into this than I planned but I think it’s important to put out there because Lyme is really not a well known or understood by both the public OR doctors, in my experience at least. I caught Lyme when I was around 7-ish? I was sick so often throughout elementary and middle school that I’ve been to basically ever doctor in the area and almost every time they said I just had some virus and that was it. It was only during high school, about 8 years later, that I finally went to a doctor (my current one) that even knew enough about Lyme disease to test me. And the only reason he knew was because he’d had it himself! The Lyme was deeply in my central nervous system that it took years of very large, very bad tasting antibiotics to cure. And, as I learned 2(?) years ago now, it’s made a resurgence. And I consider myself lucky because I truly believe if I didn’t get diagnosed for it when I did, I’d be dead by now with how it was attacking my cns

So, yeah, I think it’s important for people to learn at least the basics of Lyme disease just in case because it’s a very annoying and sometimes deadly disease that, at least in my experience, not many doctors actually know anything about

Also fun fact: Ötzi the Iceman, one of the oldest mummies in the world, had Lyme disease!

[kurashikeys]

bad dad also means bad cat dad i guess

[lains-reality]

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

[strawberrymilk-sunshine]

Watching u <3

I've been working on this for a while. Off and on since late June. Believe it or not, I have actually been having ideas throughout my entire hiatus, it was just a case of not being able to really write anything down...

This is probably darker than some of my other stuff, I just feel like I should say. Please do not read this if you're uncomfortable with this. Thank you, and have a good day/afternooon/night.

Warning(s): yandere behaviors, explicitly fem reader, death, some sexist stuff (it's not as bad as it probably could be but it's there), incel Idia I know he isn't in canon please don't be mad at me for making him one in this fic, delusional yandere Idia, non consentual kiss, blood hemorrhage mention, unwanted comments about reader's body, implied past trauma, doxxing, breaking and entering

It was a long day of boring classes for Idia. Today was one of those days he was forced to actually attend class in person... ew. He hated it, being around people for that long. But he had a test today, and apparently the professor didn't trust him enough to do it remotely from his dorm room.

Luckily though, Idia had something to look forward to. At the end of the day, when he gets back to his dorm room, almost exactly... something he looks forward to all week will finally start.

What is this thing he is so looking forward to?

Well, what other than your weekly livestream, of course!

He loved everything about you.

He knew everything there was to know about you. He even knew your name, despite you hiding your identity behind a fictitious catgirl persona~

(Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N). He loved that name of yours. It felt like honey in his mouth as the words spilled out of him... calling you by your real name without you knowing~

Idia considered you a friend- no, even MORE. He wasn't friends with you, no no no no no! You were his lovely little girlfriend! Cute and submissive and everything... ohhh, he loved you so much. Hearing your voice... listening to you... answering you like you were right next to him... donating to you every time you streamed, copious amounts of money... participating in chat every now and again, to have an actual dialogue with you... he didn't like talking with other people, oh, but he ALWAYS made an exception for you.

You two have even started chatting outside just your streams. He's a mod for your streams now, as well as on your personal server... you were a bit apprehensive about that at first, but don't worry, he convinced you!

One time, you confided in him about some... serious issues you went through irl. It was so cute, imagining you in that situation.

Oh, you've been through so much together... you're practically dating at this point! Oh... but maybe he should actually ask you, just to make sure you know you're dating him. Just in case. Just in case.

Idia happily logged onto your stream, anxious to watch you... and to pop the question later~

But as he logged on... he... he heard you... say... something...

"Sorry I wasn't able to stream last week... something came up in my real life!" He saw your semi-3d avatar smile, responding to your real expression, no doubt. "I know it sounds crazy, but somehow... I'm dating someone!"

At first, Idia decided to optimistically think about how, maybe you're referring to him... but, as the pre-stream chitchat continued... it became obvious you weren't.

...

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HIM?!

In a fit of anger, Idia unsubscribed and blocked you on absolutely everything.

...but then, he thought of something. A nice plan... one that would hopefully make you dependent on him... you'd dump whatever loser you're dating right now... and he would be your only source of comfort.

He unblocked your accounts on his main... and then, he logged onto an alternate account, one that doesn't connect back to him in any way; sorta like what you tried to do with your stream persona, but actually unconnected, unlike yours.

He sent you a message from his sock puppet...

Your stream ended for the day, and... you were confused to see a message from an account you didn't recognize. You thought that maybe it was just a fan deciding to message you, as you get that a lot, but once you accepted the message request to see what they sent...

[xNDRWRLDx] : this u?

...you saw... a picture of yourself... one a family member of yours posted a few years ago... you tried your best to make sure that your online persona didn't connect back to your real life at all, so... how... how did this person get this picture?!

As terrified as you were, you chose to ignore this message. About an hour later, you received another.

Despite your thoughts, screaming at you to not give this person the time of day... that last message just set you off. You decided to respond.

[xNDRWRLDx] : ignoring ppl is rude

[xNDRWRLDx] : u know that, right?

[xNDRWRLDx] : or is ur thick skull not able to comprehend that

[xNDRWRLDx] : lmao yeah, thats prob the case

[xNDRWRLDx] : u could get a much higher paying job if u quit streaming & decided 2 use ur tits & ass 2 ur advantage

[xNDRWRLDx] : getting railed all day would b easier than streaming. u wouldnt have 2 pretend u have a personality beyond "uwu im a girl who plays video games arent i cute??"

You suddenly saw a string of numbers appear on your screen in the next message from this person. Is that your IP?!

[n3k0-ebi] : who tf are you??

[xNDRWRLDx] : o right, u said smth abt not being comfortable w/ talking abt stuff like that

[xNDRWRLDx] : lmfao weak much??? cant even take a joke

[xNDRWRLDx] : wat a pathetic excuse of a human

[n3k0-ebi] : whats your angle dude

[n3k0-ebi] : are you just trying to make me mad on purpose? it wont work, so just leave me alone.

What could this person know? Just what you look like in real life?? As much as you don't want people to know, it... it isn't that bad. You're not going to pose like that. You're not even going to give this person the time of day anymore.

[xNDRWRLDx] : look familiar?

[xNDRWRLDx] : just saying u would look adorable laying under me w/ ur mouth agape & drooling w/ ur eyes half shut <3

[xNDRWRLDx] : maybe if u send me a pic of u looking like that i might consider not sharing wat i know w/ ur entire audience

[xNDRWRLDx] : ur choice bitch

You log off for the night, not giving any more thought to this person's likely hollow threats.

The next day, you woke up, not realizing what happened over night.

You took a nice, relaxing, early morning shower...

Strangely enough, as you left your washroom, you could have sworn you'd seen a strange, blue light outside your hallway window. Probably just your eyes playing tricks on you... or light reflecting off something...

You make your way to your living room, and sit yourself down on the couch, comfy in your bathrobe and hair towel. You turn on the tv so you can half watch whatever comes on, and focus the rest of your attention on browsing Magicam.

...

...that's a lot of notifications.

You decide to look through your mentions first, and... you see a post from that account that was messaging you last night. It details your full legal name, your address, your partner's name, your parent's names, your homeland, every personal detail you could think of was listed in this post.

In a sudden moment of not thinking, you decide to message them.

They... they just sent you... a picture of you coming out of your shower... and then another, of you sitting here on the couch-?!

[n3k0-ebi] : what the hell is wrong with you?!

[n3k0-ebi] : you fucking doxxed me?!

[xNDRWRLDx] : i told u it was ur choice didnt i

[xNDRWRLDx] : u chose 2 not send me that pic i wanted

[xNDRWRLDx] : so really its ur own fault <3

You look out your living room window... but you don't see anybody.

[xNDRWRLDx] : ur not responding?

[xNDRWRLDx] : rude

[xNDRWRLDx] : little missy cant think of anything to say huh

[xNDRWRLDx] : idk wat i expected lmfao

[xNDRWRLDx] : typical 4 a female pretending 2 know stuff cant even hide ur identity properly

[xNDRWRLDx] : wat an idiotttt

The next month is a chaotic one.

Being stalked by so-called "fans"... yourself and your family members being sent weird letters and death threats... your regular workplace firing you... your family and friends cutting ties with you... your partner breaking up with you...

...why did this all have to happen...?

Is this your fault...? Maybe if you had just sent that picture... no, no don't even think about it. That person probably would have done this to you anyways...

...oh...

Oh, you... you have a notification. Since what happened last night, you haven't checked any of your notifications, but... this one... it's from someone you trust...

Idia was absolutely enraged. He could barely even believe what just happened. You have nothing. He is the only person in the world offering you comfort and support, and you just... YOU JUST WRITE HIM OFF LIKE HE'S NOTHING?!

[Gloomurai_] : hey, is everything OK w/ you?

[Gloomurai_] : i just saw you havent rlly been online since what happened

[Gloomurai_] : not that i blame you obv

[n3k0-ebi] : hi gloomy

[n3k0-ebi] : things haven't been great... lol.

[Gloomurai_] : i heard youre single again btw

[Gloomurai_] : that must suck

[Gloomurai_] : i hope this doesnt sound too forward but uh

[Gloomurai_] : is there anything i could do to help?

[n3k0-ebi] : definitely not, but thx for offering

[n3k0-ebi] : it's enough to just know you're there :)

...but, all of a sudden, the anger leaves him. Everything leaves him. All rational thought is gone from his head... and he smiles.

"Ortho... tell the vice leader he'll be in charge of Ignihyde for a while."

"What-? Big brother, why would you-"

"I need to go home for a bit." Idia closes the chat log, and stands up from his chair. "I won't be gone long. I just need to... make a copy of a file on my pc back home and bring it back here. That's all."

Ortho didn't entirely believe his brother...

...it's raining.

It's dark, stormy, the dead of night...

And most importantly, you're alone.

You used to like being alone. Not so much now, now you just feel... unsafe.

What with all the death threats, general threats, your home address and real face now being known... you don't feel safe in your own home anymore.

It's not a pleasant feeling, yet it is one you've felt before. One you never hoped to feel again. It's such a terrible feeling, knowing you might not be safe, in the place that you very well should be...

...

There's a knock at the door.

You are NOT going to answer it.

There are a lot of things that can happen in the exact moment of danger. Time feels like it slows down, and you have to make a choice... fight or flight, your natural instincts.

The door is kicked open and you drop down to at least somewhat hide yourself thanks to your couch. Maybe that pepper spray you lost last month is under there??? Hopefully...

And then... you hear a voice. A strangely familiar, sickly sweet voice.

"Ohh (Y/N)~" It calls out... "Where are youuuu~???"

That voice... you know that voice... you've been in a voice call with that voice before... that voice...

It's Gloomy... someone you thought was your friend...

"(Y/N), I know you're in here. Just show me where you are already. I-I won't hurt you~!!"

You frantically run your hand along the floor under your couch, looking for your pepper spray. You can't help but hope it's under there...

You hit something that rolls out from under your couch... it's exactly what you're looking for, but it also shows him exactly where you are.

A blue glow comes closer as the long, flaming hair drapes over your couch, the tips barely touching you as you lay on the ground. Then you see his face... piercing yellow eyes, and a terrifying, sickening smile full of sharp teeth...

"There you are!"

You scramble away from him in a panic, taking short glances at where the small canister rolled...

"There's no need to look so scared, (Y/N)." He smiles. "It's me, Gloomurai, Gloomy, Idia, your boyfriend."

"W...w-what... the hell... are you talking about...?"

"Are you fucking stupid? I think it's really clear what I said, isn't it?" He scowls at you... not just any scowl, it looks like he completely despised you... before quickly returning to a sickly sweet, and clearly fake smile. "I'm your boyfriend. You're my girlfriend. We've been dating for a long time, and I'm going to be taking you home with me now! I love you so much!"

"W-we've talked a few times... a-and I guess we're friends, but... but we aren't dating!!" You yell, clenching your fists tightly. You're absolutely terrified, but you don't want to just agree with him. There's no way in hell you're going to validate this...

"Yes we are. Do you not remember? Is your single braincell working overtime trying to understand what you already know? Aww, cute kitty..." The intruder suddenly pulls something out from his pocket.

He thrusts the object at you as you avoid it by crawling on your hands and knees as fast as you can towards your small canister. You stand up in the best defensive position you can, being sure to hide your spray from this creep.

"Ugh. Why are you so stubborn?? It won't hurt as much if you just stay still!!" He rushes towards you with the object, it's clear to you now that it is a syringe...

You spray him directly in the eyes as he screeches out in pain.

You run for your front door, hoping you can get away while he writhes in pain... but you feel something prick into your neck... and being flushed into your veins...

"YOU BITCH. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!" He screams at you as you collapse. What is this... what in the world would work this fast...?

"...wh..." You try to ask what this is, before you feel a sudden metallic taste in your mouth, and blood begins to pour out...

"You don't need to know what it is. It's better if you don't know." The intruder shushes you. "I love you so much. I love you. We'll be happy together... me and a better version of you... I'll recreate you perfectly."

...he kisses you on the lips. He wipes your blood off of his face as he pulls away... when you realize he's wearing gloves.

"It won't be long before you hemorrhage all your blood... this stuff works really fast~" He smiles. "At least you'll look pretty as you die."

Idia's life entirely went back to normal after that. In fact, it's been a year since what he did.

Your body was found, but evidence to his crime was not.

Idia is a model student at NRC, despite almost never attending class in person. His grades are phenomenal, he hands in all his assignments in time, and he's going to get a good job when he graduates...

And... in his spare time... he's programming.

Idia is programming an artificial intelligence, based on a certain someone he used to know.

His lovely girlfriend.

"Don't worry... we'll be seeing each other again soon... I'm sure of it. I'll do everything I can to make it true... I love you, (Y/N)."

[yawnderu]

She Wants Me Dead — Miguel O'Hara x Reader | Part III

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"You have tits now." The sentence is so blunt it almost makes Miguel laugh for the first time ever since the incident.

"Pecs." Is all he can reply, barely even finding the energy to keep his eyes open. He has been working himself to the bone ever since he broke the canon and erased an entire dimension, looking for an explanation, a solution, anything.

"Mhm." Everything felt so cold ever since. 5 months in and you couldn't handle the pressure of dealing with Miguel, who was barely home and didn't even have the energy to do anything with you, spending all day in his office, planning with the AI you came to love, Lyla. You left him at his lowest, appearing only a year after the incident, once Miguel had it together, in a way. The Miguel you're looking at isn't the Miguel you fell in love with.

"I have nothing for you, so you might as well shock off." He dismisses you without even sparing a glance at you, his red eyes focused on the projection of his adoptive daughter— the life he wished he could have and got to experience for a short while before reality came crashing down in him, destroying any piece of what the old Miguel was like. Friendly, nice. He was now full of snark, sarcasm, and a moodiness that seemed to spread to everyone around him, infecting them like a virus.

"I just wanted to see you. See if I got lucky enough to be in your bed again." There's a playful pout on your lips, doing nothing to ease the tension. He wasn't expecting to see you ever since you dumped him, and he could feel his muscles tensing at your mere presence.

"Not happening. Not after what you did." He's stern, cold. His red eyes set on you for a second before returning to his monitor, both wounds still fresh in his soul.

"You're still mad about that? I said sorry." The charming smile you shoot his way is enough to make his blood boil. It's something he has seen far too many times during your toxic relationship, something that previously made him fold and submit to you, despite knowing you're both pure poison to each other.

"Sorry." He repeats with a scoff, hands on his hips as he finally looks down at you. He's much... bigger, in every way. The lanky guy you knew is now towering at 6'9, his body nothing short of pure muscle that could easily crush you like a bug.

"If you want back in, you're gonna have to try much harder. You can't just keep doing stuff like that, not anymore." He's a lot more mature now, even if only a year has passed. You know he suffers from great trauma— hell, you were there to see that for yourself, until you ran away.

"Fine. I'll do anything, Miggy." You reply with a sigh, hands gently tracing his waist before wrapping around it, bringing him in for the so dreaded hug. In reality, you don't feel much about it, but for him... it's like another punch to the gut. He has way too much on his plate, the last thing he needs is his ex-girlfriend, a villain, pretending to be sweet just to get forgiveness.

"Just... be there for me and don't piss me off." He says after hesitantly pushing your body away, being careful enough to not use a lot of force.

Four months in and you've broken that promise more times than he can count, yet the obsession and love cloud his judgement. You're the only thing he can cling on besides his obsession with the canon, and so when he needs a break... he knows you'll be there. Doesn't matter if he wants to talk, cuddle in silence, or fuck. You're always available, ready for anything he has in mind.

"Así, mi amor." He guided your hips up and down his cock, arms wrapped around you like a lifeline as he used your cunt to jerk himself off.

"Too much—" He shushes you with a kiss, bringing your body closer to his until he can thrust into you faster, your whiny moans doing nothing but become fuel to his already exhausted body. His kisses are sloppy, desperate, tongues wrapping around each other in a mess of saliva.

''Wanna prove how much you're sorry? For all the broken promises?'' You regret nodding your head, because now your body is now pinned down on a mating press as he fucks his stupidly big cock into you, pulling out only to slam himself back in, the lewd sounds of your squelching cunt and mixed moaning bouncing off the walls of his room in a melody that you both know too well.

''Want it inside?'' He already knows the answer, but he always asks just to confirm. His thumb rubs on your clit while he holds your thighs up with both hands, looking at the way his cock disappears into your cunt, barely managing to take him all the way. The new position allows him to see more of you in a vulnerable light, and he truly appreciates just how much power he holds over you in this moment, your much smaller body writhing underneath him as your second orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave, unable to focus on anything going on around you except just how good his cock feels. You manage to give him a desperate nod, too overwhelmed to even speak, only whiny moans being able to push past your lips.

''Good girl.'' He praises in a whisper, burying himself all the way inside as he climaxes, pearly white and thick cum filling your insides, painting them a pretty color in what he hopes will finally be the time he gets you pregnant. Hopes, because he knows you're on birth control, and he knows he'll get made fun of if he ever suggests starting a family with you.

He slowly pulls out of you, tired body collapsing right next to you, holding you in his arms like you're made of glass, plump lips planting gentle kisses on your forehead, a total contrast to the man fucking you earlier.

''I love you.'' He confesses softly, the weight of the three words crushing him down every single time they come out of his lips no matter how many times he says them. Despite the lack of energy, you tilt your head, a teasing smile on your lips as you look up at him. He know that look too well, rolling his eyes and groaning in annoyance. You're definitely going to make him grow gray hairs before he even reaches 40.

[icycoldninja]

Hey! How are you... it's mother's day in India today. And my mother and my relationship strained, though she doesn't know about it.😂

Anyway, not trauma dumping. But can I request lots of angst, followed by lots of love. Basically Dante and fem!reader (his wife) has a cute five year old daughter, she and Dante plans mother's day something for her. As far as trying to make no-bake cake (cause seriously, Dante can't bake for his life and baby is baby.)

I just want it to be followed by the reader questioning after the celebration at night, if she is even a good mother that one day she is turn controlling and obsessive like her mother, when she is alone with Dante. And the baby was awake walking through the hall and overheads. She and Dante make sure the Reader knows she is doing great as a mother. Dante goes as far as saying she is as good a mother as Eva.

Yes, Instagram is giving me a baby fever.

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear that. 💜 And yeah, I get it, when you see how happy other moms are, you kinda wanna be a mom yourself. Here you go, I hope you enjoy and have a great day.

Am I a Good Mother? (Dante x Fem!Reader)

"OK, what's the next step?" Dante asked, bending over your little daughter's shoulder to read the recipe.

"It says...add milk and stir." Said your daughter, standing up on her tiptoes to peer at the recipe sheet taped to the kitchen cabinet.

"OK, I'll get on that," Dante said, patting your daughter's head. "While I do that, go check on your mom and see if she's still watching TV. Do it quietly, though, don't get caught."

Nodding, your daughter scampered off to spy on you, returning a few seconds later with a smile on her face.

"Yup, Daddy, she's still watching TV," She announced, proudly. "And she didn't see me."

"Great job," Dante chuckled, giving the cake batter a good stir.

Today was Mother's Day, and like any loving family, Dante and your lovely 5 year old daughter were fixing up a surprise for you. Earlier, Dante sat you on the couch and turned on your favorite show, ordering you to relax and just enjoy the afternoon. You'd taken the bait and were now absorbed in the aforementioned show while Dante and your daughter made a cake for you, destroying your kitchen in the process.

"OK, now what do we do?" Dante asked, pouring the cake mixture into a glass dish.

"It says chill it." Replied your daughter, walking over and opening the fridge. Dante, slid the dish of cake mixture into the fridge, set the timer, and sighed.

"Great job, Princess," He said, playfully missing up her hair. "Now, go wash your hands and you can go play, I'll keep an eye on the cake."

"OK, Daddy," Said your daughter, grinning.

Several hours later, the cake was ready to be served. You, Dante, and your daughter especially, enjoyed it. After all the food had been eaten and your daughter had been pu to bed, you and Dante had a quiet moment to yourselves, where your dark worries came out.

Dante knew that you and your mother had a rather strained, uncomfortable relationship due to her controlling and obsessive, tiger-mom behavior in the past, and knew that unlike him, you never had the joy of feeling safe around your mother. You always had to put on an act to appease her, never being able to be yourself around her. He never brought this topic up in conversation because he didn't want to upset you, so the matter went largely undiscussed.

Tonight, however, was a different story. Tonight, you started tearfully divulging your fears to Dante, as you lay in his lap.

"I'm just...just worried that someday I'm gonna become like my mom," You told him, tears welling up in your eyes. "You know the saying, like mother like daughter. I don't want our little girl to go through that...I don't want her to have to deal with that pressure, I don't want her to put on an act when I'm around her. I don't want to be like that."

Dante let out a small sigh, running his fingers through your hair.

"Baby, don't talk like that, you're not gonna grow up to be like that old bitch--"

"But you don't know that!" You cried, burying your face in his lap, soaking his pants with tears. "You don't know that. I don't know that. I-"

You were cut off when a sleepy little voice called from the hallway, startling you.

"Mommy?" Called your daughter, stumbling forwards in her pajamas, one chubby fist rubbing her eye. "Are you sad?"

Both you and Dante were speechless for a moment; all you two could do was watch as she continued padding forwards, a concerned little pout on her face.

"Daddy, why is Mommy sad?" She asked. You immediately sat up, straightening your clothes and hair, though you were unable to hide your red, puffy, teary eyes.

"Mommy's not sad," Dante said slowly, trying to figure out a way to hide the truth from your little girl. "She's just..uhh...tired. Yeah, just like you when you get tired, Mommy cries."

"Really?" Your daughter asked, wide eyed. "Grown ups do that too?"

"Yup," Dante nodded, relieved his lie had worked. "I'd better put both of you to bed now, it's getting really late."

You chuckled as the man stood up, lifted your daughter into his arms, and carried her to the bedroom, with you following behind.

"Hey, Daddy?" Your daughter asked, as you neared her room. "Do you cry when you get tired too?"

You and Dante exchanged a brief glance before he answered,

"Yes, I do."

"Does Uncle Vergil cry when he's sleepy too?" Your daughter inquired, now very intrigued.

"Yes, he does," Dante affirmed, laughing. "Now shush, it's time for bed." With that, your daughter's curiosity was sated, and after being tucked in bed, looked ready to fall asleep.

"Night baby," You said, kissing her forehead.

"Night-night Mommy," She whispered, yawning. "I love you. You'e a great mommy."

Dante gave her a kiss and a tickle, and afterwards, he guided you back to the living room, glad to see a smile return to your face.

"See, babe? She seems to think you're a great mom."

"I...guess...yeah," You admitted, shrugging.

"And she ain't the only one," Dante told you. "I think you're an excellent mom too. Hell, you're just as good as my mom was."

"You really think so?" You asked, blushing slightly.

"I know so," Dante chuckled, leaning forwards and kissing you. "Now come on, let's get you to bed before you get too tired and crying again." You laughed at that, the small smile on your face widening into a big, happy grin.

"Thanks, Dante," You said, resting your head on your husband's chest as he scooped you into his arms and carted you off to the bedroom. "I love you...and thank you for...well...telling me what I needed to hear."

"I love you too, babe, and don't think it's just something you needed to hear," Dante said, patting your shoulder as he walked. "It's also the truth."

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

And sorry I just had a lot of ideas but this is last one. Anyone you want with psychologist reader. Basically they go to him as parient on theraphy and share secrets and traumas with him which basically causes to get close with them

With a psychologist reader

Angel Dust

Angel was having a bad week. Oh fuck it, he was having a bad fucking year. But he couldnt say that shit else he get a nice new shiner from dear Daddy Val.

He kept having breakdowns. Freaking out or having panic attacks when he needed to keep his shit together.

It got so bad, he actually couldn't preform, and no amount of beatings or drugs were helping anymore.

So, wanting to protect his investment, Valentino would bring him to you. You being a well known psychotherapist, helping numerous celebrities better themselves, completely turning themselves around after seeing you.

At least for a while.

So, he dumped Angel at your door, the Overlord trying to get you to essentially brainwash him to further obey him, planning to use you to keep him under control.

Of course, you shut that shit down immediately.

You told him bluntly you'd do what's necessary to help your patient, and that was Angel.

Val didn't say much, telling you simply he could find someone else, to which you told him good luck, knowing full well itd be impossible to find a therapist of your calibre who wouldnt milk him for every penny they could if thry could do their job at all, effectively calling his bluff.

You said all this in front of the Spider, the man feeling... well, it felt nice to have someone taking him seriously. Not like Val that treated him like a train dog.

Now, your first few sessions were just tredding ground, getting to know the Spider and gaining some familiarity with him. You may have stood up to Val but you'd had enough clients to know he wouldn't just open up.

So, the first few appointments you just spoke, spending time with him, asking genuine questions about him.

Not his Angel Dust persona.

Him.

Youd ask about his likes and dislikes.

You know, favourite music, the food he likes, his thoughts on the current events in Hell.

And while it would certainly take time, slowly chipping away at his mask, he'd begin opening up to you.

Of course, Valentino, the massive Cock-Head! Kept putting you back, the man being his usual abusive self. And after each of these incidents, the spider would pull in on himself, making your job even more difficult.

So, you confronted the man, telling him as much, as every smack he gave the arachnid put you back weeks! And despite his domineering personality, he'd back down, agreeing to stop the abuse.

'For now.' The moth pimp added, raising your blood pressure.

Youd make progress on the man's issues, slowly directing and fixing the many traumas and problems the man endured, the Spider visible getting better, cutting back on most of the shit he took in.

At least around you.

It'd be during one of your sessions, you having the Spider just ramble, saying whatever came to mind, letting him get anything he'd like off his chest.

And as he rambled he'd end up on a tangent on how much he hated working for Valentino and how miserable he was working for him.

It was your first major breakthrough, and well, the one you needed to finally get through.

You seized the situation, breaking him down to the bare Demonic soul, the man confessing every insecurity, spilling his heart out to you.

But then came the issue. Because put simply, Valentino was the Issue. But Angel couldn't just leave Val, that's not how the game worked.

So, you did the only thing you could.

Call in a favour.

Now, you'd helped a Looooooot of people.

Powerful people.

The Noble demon kinda powerful people.

So getting someone to help... remove Valentino from the equation wasn't that difficult.

Once he was free of that man's influence Angel really shined through.

He became more confident. More self assured.

He reduced his alcohol and narcotic consumption to a tenth of when he was with Val.

Honestly he was a whole new Angel, and you were happy to see it.

But, well, this is Angel. And even without the pressure or need to hyper sexualise himself, he'd still flirt with you.

And it'd actually be the day you finally cleared him, believing him to finally be well enough to be discharged from your service, that the spider would ask you out.

And since he was no longer your client, you said yes, the two of you going out to a quant little restaurant together.

It was a... charmingly simple night.

Neither of you said much. The usually chatty spider calm and docile as you ate, the both of you feeling everything that needed to be said... had been said.

Youd go home that night. The spiders hand in your own, as you went back to your place.

Nothing would happen between you that nigh. You were still seeing how a relationshipwould go, trying the waters as it were, so you didnt want to force anything.

Angel for his part, and for the first time, well... ever, felt safe. Understood.

And well, cared about.

The spider genuinely happy to be with you.

Stolas

Youd always been fascinated my how the mind works.

Specifically, how it handled trauma.

It fascinated you how the mind bent and melted, handling or rejecting trauma.

And if there was any group in Hell with issue, it was the Nobility.

Now, it took you a while to find a noble that was willing to pay you to help them, most nobility just expecting things presented to them on a silver platter.

But once you did get your foot in the door, helping a man with some deep seeded inferiority issues. Helping him become the egomaniac he was supposed to be.

And when it got out you could help them with their many, many, MANY issues, and do so descreetly. By God, they flocked to you.

A barrage of daddy issues, child abuse, neglect, regulat abuse and trauma the likes you hadn't thought possible.

And you got good, and rich, helping people with their issues. Learning an abundance on how personality was shaped by abuse. Picking up the patterns and soding that was left with different traumas.

Youd gotten yourself set up, each patient a virtual case study.

And it'd be as you sat in your office, looking over a patient's file, when there was a knock at the door.

Popping the files away, you called them in, coming face to face with an owl demon.

We was unexpectedly timid upon entry, walking around the subject as he asked you if you could help someone with... their issues.

That someone was clearly him.

But you could tell he was trying to be discreet, not like he was the first one, so you played along.

And after assuring him you could help him, explaining you provided a safe, descreet and judgement free service tailored for each client, that he'd agree.

The first few sessions were slow, the two of you just making generic, borderline formal chit chat, Stolas venting to you about his day or something that was erking him.

But after a few sessions, you began making progress, treading new ground. He began opening up to you about his issues. And there were quite a few.

A father that didn't give a shit about him past his utility to the Goetia family. An abusive wife he was betrothed to before he was even hatched simply to produce an heir.

And a completely dead marriage.

No.

Dead implies it was alive at some point. And based on what he had to say about it, it sounded like his spouse was beating the corpse of said "marriage".

So yeah, other than a daughter, he didn't really have anything worth living for. Which, ya know... isn't a good thing.

It took a long time really figuring out what ailed his mind.

There were many sessions that ended up with him in tears, you ending up hugging him, comforting him each time as he sobbed into your shirt.

And while you did your best to remain professional, there were more than a few occasions when you'd stare into each other's eyes for just a little too long. Followed by you awkwardly looking away, clearing your throat.

It took many session, time, care and a small fortune in fees, but you ended with the most logical conclusion.

He needed to divorce his bitch of a wife.

Stolas knew it.

You knew it.

But knowing it, and doing it were very different thing.

Of course, normally that'd be his problem.

But, well, you liked Stolas. Youd done the major no-no of running a practicr and and had gotten attached to him. So you called in some favours to ensure it'd go smoothly.

Of course you kept it all behind the scenes, setting things up so Stolas could escape with a minimal amount of drama.

And so, with a little encouraging from you, as a friend, not his therapist. He'd do it.

He'd tell her they were done and he was sick of her.

Of course the fallout was... not that bad. At least compared to our timeline, especially since Stolas had measures prepared before he did it.

He arrived the next day, you asking him how he felt, Stolas telling you he felt... Free.

Things would be difficult, but for the first time, he felt free.

You'd talk some more, monitoring his progress and development, ensuring he didn't fall back on any of his inhealthy coping mechanisms. And once the time had run out, he'd ask if there were anymore sessions.

Youd smile, telling him, well, no.

He'd resolved his problem, and well, he was done. No more sessions really needed.

To which Stolas would ask if that means if he were no longer your patient.

You confirming it, telling him you were no longer doctor and patient.

Hed nod, before leaning over, grabbing you by the collar just to slam his mouth into yours, the man forcefully kissing you.

The kiss lasted several moments before he pulled back, the man stuffing a note into your pocket, telling you.

"I'll be picking you up at 7. Dress sharp."

And then he'd leave.

Leaving you bewildered and, well, slightly aroused. Sat there thinking one thing.

"Well... what am I gonna wear?"

Valentino

Val wasn't weak.

He didn't need help, or to rely on anyone.

He earned everything he had through cunning and brutality, and would be damned if he needed some shitty head doctor to 'fix' his 'condition.'

But every day, he was filled with the killer of empires.

Doubt.

And doubt led to fear.

And fear led to the dark side.

Was he making the right move? Should he have killed that last guy? Was there a better way of doing that?

It was getting on his nerve and he was sick of it!

So, he found the best, most discreet, psychologist money could buy.

And that's how he found himself walking into your office.

He of course was his ever domineering self, trying to tell you how this would work.

To which you'd listen until he was finished, and once you were sure he'd finished his rant, you tell him simply how it would actually be.

Youd work through at his pace, but doing what you'd say and when. In that room Valentino held no power, but you also held no wish to control him.

You were his patient, and so, you would do your job.

You would help him.

Things went slow at first, Valentino still demanding to be in control, and so you'd have to slowly ease him into it.

You were firm, but not confrontational, letting him feel in control, while trying to figure out just why he needed to feel in control.

Though it was pretty clear, he was an overlord. He had to be in control else he'd loose... everything.

But really, he was just running on survival mode 24/7, and simply put, the mind couldn't handle being on edge every second of every day.

It took a long, long time to get that through to him, but really, it was a simple answer.

He'd reverted back into a Darwinian philosophy. And while many can like relatively normal lives with such a philosophy, he'd actually conditioned himself to abide by such rules, to the point his body physically reacted to every change in his environment. The man constantly stressed and unable to sleep, the drugs only able to keep things on the level for so long.

It'd take a long time to get to this conclusion, and an even longer to start unwinding it.

A lot of explaining and reconditioning, slowly unwinding the trauma he had to endured and inflicted on himself, sure enough, over time, he'd start relaxing.

He was still on edge, but he was slowly learning to take breaks, usually somewhere safe where he could be alone.

The man starting to understand, and rework himself into a more level headed existence.

It was strange for the man.

He'd spent hours rambling at you, answering hundreds of stupid questions, working through a shit load of nitty gritty bullshit he'd never think about.

But, sure enough, one day you asked him a question, and well, he answered.

Honestly.

He gave a genuine, true blue answer. And he could answer without spending 30 minutes figuring out if it was a trick, nor did he give some vague answer to hide the truth.

It felt weird, being honest with someone, and, well, it felt good.

He could be real with someone. No lies No tough guy persona. No alpha bullshit.

Just him.

And well, he couldn't deny, having a connection like that was... amazing.

And so, well naturally, he found himself growing affection for you. The first person he could be real with.

He'd initially disguise his feeling as simply working through any other issue he might have had, the man paying you top dollar to spend even more time with you.

But eventually he'd get sick of making up reasons to be around you.

So he was honest.

Again, a rare act on his part.

But he went all out, telling you he wanted you. He wanted the commitment, a genuine relationship, not just him using his partner for his own gain like every other connection he had.

Youd be hesitant, but after an especially genuine moment with him, you'd agree to a date.

A REAL date. With the real him.

And yeah, everything inside him told him to go all out, utilising his usual power and prestige.

But not this night.

That night you just had a simple dinner, followed the both of you sharing a bottle of wine, bonding on the couch.

And no, you didn't fall into his arms like averyone else did.

And,he loved that.

With you he was honest and genuine, and well, he loved that he could be that way, the two of you having a bond he could never have with anybody else in Hell.

And yeah he had to hide that bond from most anybody else, when in private he still got to enjoy it, the man having something to fight for more than just a never ending thurst for power.

Loona

Honestly, she'd first seen you as a gag.

She'd gotten a coupon for a free session in some magazine Blitz had snatched from Stolas.

And after she'd stormed out of the office with said magazine, the girl reading through it, finding your coupon.

So, ripping it out, she figured it was a good way to waste an hour, tormenting some stuffy head quack.

And so, finding your office, she'd strut in, showing the coupon. And since you had nothing better to do, you'd agree to see her.

At first you'd play along with what she was clearly expecting, asking the usual questions.

And yeah, Loona fucked around, acting like a little shit.

But after a while you'd get into some real shit. Asking about her home life, and those directly around her.

She'd whine and complain, giving a biased retelling, events through from her perspective.

But you could see through it, asking her harder and harder questions, the girl eventually snapping at you.

Only for you to snap back.

You told her her feelings were real and valid, but she needed to accept that she wasn't always the victim and sometimes problems were her own fault.

Loona, as whenever she was challenged with something she didn't like and couldn't kick the shit out of.

She bolted.

Despite dropping you, she couldn't get over the damn harsh truth bombs you'd dropped on her.

So, convincing Blitz to get more of the magazines, she'd cut out the coupons, taking them to you to talk.

She'd confront you, and while initially hostile, the two of you would actually have some meaningful dialogue, Loona having to face some harsh truths. But you also helped her face some problems with others, particularly her relationship with her father.

She'd keep scaving magazines off of Blitz, the two of you chatting almost every day, you providing some much needed outlet for many, many confusing emotions for the teen.

And it'd be after bumping into each other at a coffee shop that you'd actually chat.

Not just dig up loonas many issue, but just talking, like two normal people.

She was a surprisingly chill young lady when not having to think about her many flaws and problems. But you were just happy to chat, it being rare you got to speak with someone outside the office. And we'll, Loona certainly lived an interesting life.

The girl would use a dozen more coupons, spending most days in your office, you often scheduling appointments in accordance, each session steadily getting through her swamp off issues.

But you'd also meet up at that coffee shop, the two of you bonding outside the sessions, chatting away like regular people.

And honestly, the two of you getting increasingly close, and look, you were a professional, but after a particularly fiery session, the two of you going at each other, that you'd, well, youd kiss.

The strange development between the two of you seemingly finally coming to ahead.

And it'd be a Hell of a kiss, the two of you becoming ravenous, things quickly getting out of hand. And undressed.

After that things would be... awkward. Very awkward.

Naturally.

But, after some discussion you'd decide to keep your sessions and whatever was happening between you aside, Loona admittedly feeling like the sessions were working.

And now that you were technically seeing each other on the side, she'd finally have someone she could build a healthy relationship with.

Of course you had to be careful she didn't become too emotionally relient on you, not wanting her to develope unhealthy reliance on you, while also being a caring S/O for the girl, using your expertise to help develop healthier outlets for her anger and frustration.

The two of you would take things slow and steady, you and Loona developing a meaningful relationship, one the both of you would adore, coming to truly love each other.

Though you'd gotten the Silent treatment more then once when you brought up an issue she had during an argument.

Hey everybody.

I haven't forgotten about you I swear, just been doing my own life, trying to get my house together. But I remember and still love you guys.

I'll try and post more than I have, but no promises.

Love y'all!

[craxkbaby]

jjhkh Hello again! Have more ideas!!

( please take your time! I'm in no rush!)

Related to the last post/ which I loved!!!

( fluffy/ platonic idea) Sayyyyy the alternate was a child. Now AK has a wholeass child clinging to him, who's imprinted on him like a duckling and follows him everywhere to the best of his ability. A kid he's not equipped to deal with. What would he do? Does he knock him out and ditch him at that universe's alive Bruce because the kid's just so annoyingly optimistic (Robin Jay at AK: "I know you're a good guy and you won't hurt me :) Because my heart says so :)" / cue AK Jason getting whiplash from being reminded of how naive and optimistic he used to be/ blue-screening for a while because that's the first time in ages someone's said something kind to him) and still hasn't lost the spark of childhood innocence- something he didn't get to keep. Does he go, "No, I'm not your parent" while internally fretting over the kid's state who decided to cling to the big, scary, very dangerous man who shot Joker in front of him until he was swiss cheese and apparently has the self-preservation instincts of a wet paper bag? Is AK completely committed/ 100% feral over protecting the ray of sunshine because " that's his headache now, back off" I'm so curious

Thank you for answering the asks!! They're fun to write! And I love, love, love your head-canons!!

sorry for taking so long to answer this!! I’ve been super sleepy lately! I’m so sorry if this didn’t meet up to your expectations!

AK!Jason, who has a kid clinging to his leg. A child who was Jason’s younger self. He was annoyed at it, obviously he was so annoyed at it. The constant reminder of his past while he was Robin was giving him a headache.

The stupid naive face his younger self has is just irritating to look at. Though, seeing his younger self— before all of the trauma that was dumped on him was refreshing.

“I’m not your dad.”

Was constantly said on a daily basis. AK!Jason wasn’t equipped to deal with a kid, having to very little child experience in anything.

AK!Jason deciding no kid should even be around him. Considering how he sees himself, he isn’t the best adult for a kid to be around.

That’s obviously what he thinks. 

But the protection he feels over the kid tells him otherwise.

“I know you won’t hurt me.”

The happiness that came from his voice made AK!Jason’s heart flutter very slightly. It’s true, he wouldn’t hurt him. But it made him feel something, knowing his younger self trust him.

Still looking up to AK!Jason knowing how he turned out after everything that had happened. AK!Jason getting heavy flashbacks on how happy and energetic he was just by looking at his younger self somewhat hurt him.

Though, it was refreshing to have someone around who gives off such happy aura, someone who wasn’t AK!Jason. It’s like someone giving him an emotion to feel that he can’t feel daily.

He slowly starts to admit he loves it. He loves the clingy kid who was sticking to AK!Jason like glue. His new headache he grew fond to, was enjoyable.

The compliments he gets from his younger self felt so new to him. Been ages for someone to have such a kind heart towards him was definitely a new feeling.

No matter how many things AK!Jason does that’s definitely problematic, his younger self somehow still looks up to him.

AK!Jason does worry about the kids state, I mean, he’s watching Jason turn out into something he will soon to hate.

AK!Jason grows protective of his younger self. Not wanting anyone in the militia or especially scarecrow near him. That’s his headache, a headache he is willing to not get rid of.

I’m sorry, I wanted to make this longer but jeez!! I’ve been really feeling awful lately!! I’m sorry if I’m taking too long to answer any requests!!

[olderthannetfic]

I was an undiagnosed autistic until after I graduated, so for a long time I had a lot of difficulty making friends, particularly in IRL spaces. By the time I was 16 literally every friend I had was online, and since the adults in my life weren't ideal, this online group was really the only support group I had. Unfortunately they were all antis, but they were never the aggressive kind, and I wasn't very well versed in anti/pro discourse at the time anyways, so I just dealt with it. I'd have fun with "problematic" stuff quietly and in private, and everything was alright.

At some point I came across a group of more aggressive antis, and the way that they treated artists in our shared fandom that they didn't like was so jarring to me. I ended up getting into it with them and they held a grudge against me for a long time after that, following and harassing me even after I cut ties and went on with my life with my original friend group. They just would not leave me alone no matter how much time had passed. I'd never seen that before and just tried to ignore them, but fuck were they persistent.

I'd been dealing with a lot more stress after this started, from a wide variety of IRL issues, and aside from not knowing I was autistic, I was also dealing with a lot of other random mental problems that I still don't really fully understand. I think all the stress in my life, from a lot of horrible things that I honestly think I might have PTSD from now, put me into some kind of paranoid mental break. I started behaving really erratically, very publicly. I know it was obvious because I'd constantly get concerned messages asking if I'm okay. People knew I was going through a lot and that I wasn't mentally stable.

With all that being said, this group of antis LOVED seeing me like this. It didn't matter what I was dealing with, that it was destroying my mental health. They had a grudge over some petty fiction stuff, were still upset that I told them off for harassing random people, and they used this fragile period of time for me to amp up their harassment and stalking. I started losing friends I'd trusted for reasons I couldn't understand, and it turned out they'd been telling them I wasn't trustworthy and that they should cut contact. They thought it was so much fun to feed into my pre-existing issues and make things worse.

I don't mean to trauma-dump or anything, so sorry if this is too heavy, but my point is that antis do not and will never care about how much they hurt someone, and that it's likely the entire point to begin with. Even the friends that supported me at the start ended up turning against me once I became too much of a social hazard to associate with. Even the ones who seemed like more "rational" antis, who never went out of their way to hurt anybody. They all turned out to be the same and it never made any difference what our history was or how important they knew they were to me.

It's not worth it to stay. It's never worth it to stay with people like that. Even to this day I'm amazed at how horribly these experiences affected me in the long-term. I go to therapy and end up talking about this period of time more than anything that happened during my childhood. Lots of people I trusted decided I wasn't worth the risk, not even because of anything I did, but just because I said harassment wasn't okay, and because I wasn't in a healthy state of mind. They saw my stress and paranoia and thought "Well, this isn't someone worth helping. People already don't like them. I don't want to throw away my social life for that." All over fiction. I still can't make friends anymore, this destroyed my ability to trust people. The isolation isn't worth the short-term friendships.

Everyone deserves better than that. If somebody is friends with antis... just leave. Trust me. Just get out.

--

What bullies want most is for you to cry in public.

We might not like to admit it, but deep in the core of many people is a seed of sadistic delight in public humiliation, and not the fun kind you do with consenting partners. When people feel small, when they lack control, when their real enemies are faceless or unreachable, they want something soft and defenseless and small to hurt.

Re your "friends", most people are cowards when it comes down to it.

The ones that aren't are 1. going to get harassed too and 2. are the sort of people who walk into that on purpose, which often means they're pretty confrontational and aggressive the rest of the time. Look at the life of any great activist whom we all thank from afar for what they did for our community... and you will often find a person who's not an easy or calm friend day to day. Not always, but not infrequently.

My actual friend friends that I can rely on are not only older but also usually out of the reach of the sort of people who send me death threats. I don't generally reveal their fandom names on here because it would bring a lot of nuisance down on their heads. (And, tbh, a lot of them are quasi-lurkers anyway.) The Fandom Olds you'll see openly associating with me on Tumblr generally have a cast iron stomach for wank and either like fighting or just find all the combatants so pathetically irrelevant that nothing's going to get through to them emotionally.

Antis do suck, but if you look at any sort of big fandom drama or even offline bullying, you'll see that many people will quietly slither away when the public ostracism of their "friend" gets too much. It's sadly not a property unique to antis.

Most would like to think of themselves as that fictional hero they love who stands up for the downtrodden no matter what the cost. Most are lying to themselves.

It doesn't stop me from being friendly to new people, but yes, I absolutely assume they will fold like wet tissue at the first sign of trouble, especially if I only know them online. They're not all mean people, just weak.

But yes, avoiding people such as antis who've openly told you they're hypocritical cowards with bad values is a step in the right direction.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for continuing

Therapy?

Trigger warnings for sexual harassment, gaslighting

For context, and before you vote please read, I (19nb AFAB) go to a small all girls college (like 800 people each graduating class) with only one student counselor for therapy. We do get 20 free hours of therapy a semester but I don’t know how many people take the school up on that.

But anyways, I do go to therapy at the school. When I was 11-14 I was sexually harassed/abused and then gaslit about it when my family found out. I don’t really remember the abuse clearly due to having a terrible memory ( I barely remember my childhood except for flashes here and there, that might not be accurate- see me only remembering my parents taking me to one therapy session when apparently I was taken to four after the abuse came out, apparently they never took me back because they where told I had severe trauma and the guy( a family member) should be in jail). Sorry for trauma dumping.

But anyway I don’t really remember much and don’t come off as like traumatized. Like occasionally I get panic attacks or sad spirals where I get really tired and cry and lie and bed and wonder how long it would take for people to realize if I died/who would care, and what not. So when I got to college one of my friends recommended that I should go to therapy because I had a minor breakdown or whatever, so I scheduled an appointment. The therapist is very nice but she has never really seemed to want to be there, like the first appointment was an hour long and then she recommended just 30 minute appointments and longer breaks in between appointments. She has never really gotten into the root causes of like the sad spirals or panic attacks. Today she mentioned that these seem like normal responses to the stress of college life. I know she is busy and I don’t want to be a bother by taking up her time. Especially if I am doing fine.

So AITA? Should I stop going to therapy so she has more time to spend on other patients who need it more?

What are these acronyms?

[sarcastictissy]

Hola :D I just wanted to thank you for being so positive lately and looking at things regarding the qstudio situation with nuance. It feels like people have been so stressed and angry after all of the admin stuff came that they began to take every bit of news we hear as some sign that bad things are to come . I think a lot of people underestimated just how long this process can take, there a lot of factors to be considered here, including: q's lack of experience, the union, the laws, the admins. And unfortunately there is no way to satisfy everyone when it comes to stuff like this. This was never going to take a week or two, I feel like people didn't fully understand that.

Some admins are going to be pushed out of the project due to the lack of funds and the fact that this is a legal issue first and for most. It's unfair but it's the law. Not everyone understands that and because of that people are going to say things without understanding the situation. Not every thing is black and white and sometimes things aren't going to work out the way we want them to. Nobody is perfect and we shouldn't expect people involved in this situation to act like that. Which is why you should always look at the situation from multiple perspectives before forming an opinion.

It makes me feel tired to see the same takes over and over agian with no nuance. So your post have really helped me feel better :) I've seen people from both qsmpblr and qsmptwt act like every ccs involved in this is a war criminal or like this is a admins vs quackity or french/brazil vs quackity. It's kinda drove me off most social sites and forced me to only watch YouTube and stuff (on the good side of things, I've been watching quackity's discord videos and some dsmp vods :D it's been fun)

What I am trying to say is that, scrolling through your blog feels like a breath of fresh air and has made me feel 8× more calm about this situation. I don't think doomposting is necessarily bad but after seeing so much of it, sometimes you just need to distance yourself and look at the good parts of life. No matter how much I complain, I am never changing the course that qstudio is headed and neither can any one else, The only one who can do that is quackity. I hope that he does the right thing and the studio gets better. I love the characters that qsmp has brought us and the community it has formed, qsmp is a beautiful project that I want to see thrive. For now the only thing I can do as a viewer is hope for the best <3

I'm sorry if this came off as a trauma dump, I just really wanted to thank you.

So, this has been in my askbox for a while because I was so grateful and happy to hear I've helped someone!! Thank you sm anon that means a lot to me and knowing I'm keeping others optimistic, helps me feel optimistic too! :D

This is a very complex situation with so many moral grey areas mixed with black and white. It's not simple, it's not easy. These things cannot be fixed in a matter of weeks, you're absolutely right about that.

I also agree doomposting isn't necessarily bad! It's a good way to get off some steam and vent/ rant for a bit. There's nothing wrong with that. We all need it at times. For me, personally, it becomes toxic when that's ALL I'm seeing in social media. When I go on my phone and all I see is negativity, that's when I need to call it quits and start blocking people or start taking time away (which is why I deleted twt off my phone) everyone's tolerance levels are different ofc, so, not everyone is affected by that negativity, but I certainly was. This is why I want my blog to be positive and uplifting and you know what? Each and every time I get a ask or a message thanking me for that, I gain faith in humanity and it just encourages me to keep being positive! I'm so thankful for your ask and dw it wasn't trauma dumping at all!! :D I hope you're doing well anon! Take care of yourself. You matter

[misfithive]

Thank you for the way you handled that ask about Wille's and Simon's drama. Because that sentence 'On the other hand, Simon needs to have a bit of more drama thrown at him' made me so furious. It was so insensitive! The fact that he suffers in silence and alone in his room not to bother other people doesn't mean he doesn't suffer enough and needs some more! The fact that he didn't jump on the table or say he feels like dying doesn't make his experience any less traumatic than Wille's. What he needs is to process his trauma rather than brushing it aside, not to get some more.

Once again thank you, you put it all beautifully.

Yes 😭 this is a very common hope for Simon to get pushed to the point of a breakdown but it’s like .. at what cost?😩 He has been thru enough trauma for a lifetime and a half. And the thing is, most people cannot actually stop and process the trauma if they are constantly being hit with more. I think we are more likely to get simon opening up if he is able to find safety which he did not really have. he is expected to be the strong one by everyone in his life. His friends try their best but still, telling him to rebound is the same message him mother gives him of “you are strong”. Bc they dont want him to sit with his feelings and cry (it’s uncomfortable and not the norm for them), they want him to forget about the Prince and move on. Up until s3 he has not had someone to cry to- thats why he writes his songs and holds wille’s sweater. Even when he is talking to Rosh and Ayub in the kitchen if he was actually crying to them i feel they would show it- it appears he probably cried on the way home before they came (this is my hc if yall think he cried to them u can believe that if u want)

i think Simon’s character is very accurate to what a lot of men, people socialized as men, and also people of color experience and how we deal with our emotions. I get that for a lot of people it is cathartic to sob but for many of us, crying like that especially in front of someone else is terrifying. we are conditioned that letting other people see u in that vulnerable state is a weakness (puts you in danger or will be used against you & that anger is safer). I know some men who have not cried since they were children and told me they dont even remember what it feels like to cry or how to actually let the tears fall from their eyes. It is messed up. Is that fair? No. Is it true that it is a weakness? No. But not everyone learns that. The patriarchy sucks and harms us all lol i wish people would understand that and have empathy for the deep sadness that simon is carrying and hiding whether he lets it out or not.

Not to mention everyone deals with their trauma differently and i think it is cool that the show is realistic and shows people dealing with things in different ways. Simons character is relatable bc of this and instead of people saying “it’s not fair that Wille gets to express himself in this way and Simon doesn’t” i want people to think about WHY Simon is not be able to. I know wanting simon to cry comes from a good place but it does upset me a little bit bc even if he doesnt have a breakdown s3, that doesnt mean that the writers hate him and arent doing his story justice which is what people say abt s2. At the same time, if he does have a break down, that would be totally warranted. i'm just saying that if it doesn't happen that's valid too.

THAT BEING SAID. I think s3 is a great opportunity for Simon to hear from Wille that he doesnt always have to be strong and that Wille can be a reliable safe space. I think Wille’s tenderness is something that Simon sees and now that they are on good terms and Wille has worked to rebuild the trust, I hope Simon will turn to Wille for emotional support however that looks.

Ermmmn I’m very sorry that this turned into a dump but i had to get it off my chest.(made a few edits for clarity and spelling mistakes bc i posted this in the middle of the night)

[melishade]

It's fine, take all the time you need. Number 101?

This ask game

Let's wrap up the Autobot Anthology. Four Years after the War ended.

Titans and Energon

Holiday Celebration

Experiments

"Hey." Arcee snapped out of her daze when Wheeljack handed her some high grade energon. Arcee quietly took it before raising her servo in the air.

"Happy four year anniversary of the war being over," Wheeljack said.

"Four years, huh?" Arcee mused before taking a sip of her energon. She looked on to see the Survey Corps still training in the trees.

"You came all this way to give me energon?" Arcee asked him.

"And to keep you company," Wheeljack insisted, "Still working on contacting Cybertron."

"Not going as well as you'd hope?" Arcee asked.

"Could be better," Wheeljack proclaimed, "Still no sign of Eren?"

"Yeah, and everyone is feeling it," Arcee sighed, "...this sucks."

"Yeah it does." Wheeljack took a sip of his energon, "What do you think the 'Bots are doing right now?"

"Beats me," Arcee answered, "I bet they're having more fun than we are."

==

A million light years away

Bumblebee watched from the balcony as the Cybertronians celebrated the anniversary of the war being over. They drank Visco, they honored the fallen, the lights from the city shone brightly in the night sky, blocking out the stars. Bumblebee could see Predaking flying above with Darksteel and Skylynx, with the fourth predacon right behind them.

Bumblebee looked down at his reflection in the drink he held to see just how tired and sad he looked. He should be happy. Four years of little conflict, and Cybertron's reconstruction was going smoothly. They had just reopened Iacon in honor of Optimus Prime, but...he missed Optimus. He missed Arcee and Wheeljack. He knew that Arcee needed time away from the planet, but....he didn't expect her to be gone for so long. What was going on out there? Were they alright? Would they come back safely?

"Lieutenant Bumblebee, what are you doing up here all by yourself?" Bumblebee looked back to see a familiar slender psychiatrist with large glasses walk up to him with Visco in his servo.

"Sorry, Rung, I just needed...," Bumblebee trailed off when he noticed a straw with comical loops and twists in his drink, "Is that a swirly straw?"

"Oh, yes! I find them to be quite enjoyable! It makes drinking more fun!" Rung smiled with delight.

Bumblebee couldn't help but laugh. "I guess so. I didn't think you'd find something like a straw that fun."

"I have many interests and hobbies," Rung insisted, "But back to my question. What are you doing up here by yourself? You should be down there with your friends."

"...not all of my friends are here," Bumblebee mumbled before realizing what he just said, "Sorry, I shouldn't dump my problems on you like that."

"I'm a therapist," Rung reminded.

"Yeah, but...you're on break," Bumblebee retorted.

"I would still be more than willing to help out a friend." Rung placed a servo on his shoulder, "Now tell me: what troubles you?"

"...Arcee and Wheeljack aren't here," Bumblebee relented, "I miss them...and I thought they would be back by now, but...it's been three years."

Bumblebee leaned against the railing once again. "Seems selfish of me to complain, right? I haven't been that close to Wheeljack. Bulkhead knows him better. I know Arcee's been going through some hard times, I just...thought she would come back."

"Well, it's not wrong for us to be worried about friends and units we haven't seen in a long time," Rung began as he leaned against the railing too, drink in servo and hanging over the edge, "You don't know where they are and you're worried about their wellbeing. But...Arcee is just processing things at her own pace."

Bumblebee's mouth form a thin line. He wasn't a big fan of that answer.

Rung looked down at the crowd celebrating. "We all have our own problems and traumas, and we all process them differently. I've seen a variety of people come in through my door and not all methods I give will work the same for every single one of them. Arcee won't be able to process her traumas the same way that you have, and the two of you have been through tremendous hardships because of the war."

"...yeah." Bumblebee swallowed, remembering what he went through at Megatron's servo.

"But that doesn't mean you shouldn't fault Arcee for processing her trauma differently," Rung insisted.

"I'm not," Bumblebee grumbled, "I just..."

Rung waited, expecting an answer to come out, but Bumblebee sighed in defeat.

"I thought we finally achieved peace, real peace, on Cybertron, and I wanted Arcee and Wheeljack to be here with us. But...there's still problems and conflicts that I have to deal with and...it sucks. Like rogue Decepticons trying to rise up at overthrow the government or start terrorist attacks. I...just would have liked eternal peace, no matter how naive that seems." Bumblebee relented, "...I feel like I'm complaining."

Rung took a sip out of his drink through a straw. "Bumblebee, I'm going to let you in on a secret: eternal peace will never exist."

"Wow, that's blunt!" Bumblebee exclaimed in disbelief.

"It's the truth!" Rung declared, "All I have to do is gesture to Cybertron's history as proof. There's always conflict and problems that arise. Peace is achieved at the end of it, and there is a vow to not repeat those horrors, only for it to repeat a few million kilocycles later. As long as free will exists, then there will be no eternal peace. Maybe when we're dead, it will happen."

"...you're quite morbid, you know that?" Bumblebee was stunned while Rung laughed.

"I suppose so," Rung agreed, "But there's nothing wrong with striving for peace to last as long as possible. To help the next generation learn and not repeat the horrors of the past. One day it might happen, but it could be eons from now. We don't know."

Rung smiled. "And there is nothing wrong with trying to fight for peace and for a better world even when there are people who still resist. You are do a marvelous job, and I'm sure many are proud of you."

Rung placed a servo on Bumblebee's back. "You might not have everything you want right now, and I'm certain you want things to be easier, but...keep doing what you are doing. Things will work itself out in time. Peace might not be eternal, but I'm sure that it will continue to last your lifetime."

Bumblebee smiled a little before downing the rest of his Visco. "I guess that's the best that I can hope for."

Bumblebee stood up and patted Rung's shoulder. "Thanks, Rung."

"You're welcome," Rung said as Bumblebee walked away, "And hey!"

Bumblebee stopped in his step before turning to Rung.

"I bet that you will see Arcee sooner rather than later!" Rung predicted.

Bumblebee couldn't help but laugh. "Not a good idea to make false promises in your profession!"

"I swear on my spark!" Rung raised his drink into the air.

"Okay, Rung, I'll hold you to it!" Bumblebee waved goodbye, deciding to head down below and join the crowd. Meanwhile, Rung's smile disappeared as he lowered his drink. He looked up at the stars, hoping for a sign or even an answer to an unasked question, but nothing appeared.

Rung sighed as he leaned against the railing. He took a sip from his visco with a straw and mumbled to himself.

"...the beginning of the end..."

(Well, Autobot Anthology is over. So I will post the full list in a bit.)

[arlerts-angel]

Hi mack💕

Could can I request armin comfort🥺

reader who seeks constant academic validation happens to get a below average score on a test they studied hard for abd reader being in their head the whole day, and armin comes in to save the day

I just failed a test :((( hence the ask (sorry for trauma dumping)

a/n: hi love!! no worries, i hope this makes you feel better 🥺🤍

armin arlert x gn!reader, academia au

warnings: none! just some fluff and comfort 🤍

"are you alright? i got your text and came as quickly as i could." armin asks upon meeting you the library. he slides his backpack off his shoulder to his feet.

"oh, hey. i failed the test... the one i studied so hard for. i feel like a failure." you sigh.

he looks at you softly, acknowledging your displeasure. "i understand how you feel. it's dissapointing putting so much effort into studying and giving a test your all, to not get the results you were expecting."

he pats your shoulder gently. "there could be other reasons for your grade on that test... maybe you studied too hard, stayed up too late... even just having anxiety about the test makes it easy to do poorly."

you nod as you listen to him speak softly, so not to disturb the surrounding students.

"i just want you to take away one thing from this, can you do that for me?" he asks, looking you in the eyes.

you nod once again, a faint smile growing across your face.

"this one failing grade does not define you. you are so much more than your grades. the fact that you're upset shows that you care! not only about doing well in your class, but also that you care about enriching your mind. your desire to gain knowledge is special. now, pinky promise you'll remember that?" he smiles at you, extending his pinky to you.

you giggle and interlock your finger into his. "i promise."

"good. i mean that." he smiles once again.

"me too." you smile back.

[curator-on-ao3]

for the director's cut thing, i would LOVE to hear you talk about the light before dawn! (sorry if you've already done it lol) it's one of my absolute all time favourite pikeuna fics <3

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Thank you so much, @belannaswlonkderfulworm!! ❤️ That’s so kind of you and deeply meaningful for me. 🥹

To explain: The Light Before Dawn lives in my heart. I started writing that multi-chap during Strange New Worlds’ first season and I think about it often with so much affection. I know fandom wisdom is people don’t like modern AUs, but I wanted to write it anyway. Something about that story just needed to be told.

I began by trying to figure out Una’s secret. I would have liked to have made her in the United States illegally, but then marriage could fix her problem and I didn’t want that pressure on her and Chris’ relationship. I also considered making Una trans, but I don’t feel qualified to write that experience. There was the option of making her a religious or ethnic minority, but then she would hopefully have a community and not be so alone. The idea of genetic engineering correlating to medical device implantation and ableism finally hit me and really resonated.

For Chris, my first idea was that he could be an equine therapist. But that didn’t work out geographically and, once I figured out Una’s secret, I also decided I didn’t want Chris in any kind of medical profession. (That’s why Joseph and Christine are barely in the story.) Making Chris a modern-day peacemaker seemed right.

Once I had the facts straight, the story had one rule — nothing bad could happen during the course of the narrative. This would be a story about emotional recovery from trauma. Even misunderstandings (like the one Una and La’an had) would be in the service of recovery. I feel like that came through, in part because one of the story bookmarks has the note “comfort in words.” I’ll tell you right now that there are times when I’ve had a shitty day, I look at or think about that bookmark and it helps me feel better that my words were able to comfort someone.

All that being said, there was so much I wanted to fit into that story and couldn’t:

I had this idea in my head that when Chris and Vina got divorced, Chris wore brown loafers with tassels to Family Court because he knew Vina hated those shoes … and he felt guilty at doing something so petty, but also free from trying to please her. As Chris made his way down the front steps of the court after the divorce was finalized, he nearly danced on the concrete with the shoes his wife — ex-wife — hated.

Speaking of Vina … there are songs on my fic playlist for Vina, a character who doesn’t even appear except for Chris mentioning her. But I have so many thoughts about Vina’s frustration with Chris, her pain at him pulling away from a life she thought was good. Vina, a financial planner, helps money make more money. She shops at chic stores and pays too much for haircuts. She moved to SoHo after the divorce and doesn’t really enjoy sex with her dates but does it to reassure herself that she’s “normal” and “fun” and “cool” because all of that is so desperately important to her. I hope she snaps out of her need to impress others, I really do, because Vina’s life could be better if she just lived it for herself.

I considered including that in the mornings when Chris’ light didn’t go on that he was at Judge Batel’s place feeling like absolute garbage. But then who discriminated against Una and cost Una her dream? It got too messy so I just left Batel out and I’m glad I did.

I was going to have the kitchen renovation company belong to Hemmer but when the show killed him, I nixed that.

At the last minute, I edited out a part where Una told Chris that when she was little and her parents would drive past the garbage dump, she would get scared they would drop her off there and leave her. But that was just too sad, even in the past.

In the universe of the story, Rukiya 100% lives to be an adult. There is no cygnokemia in New York City. After they read and run around at the park, Joseph and Rukiya go home to Debra and the family plays board games until it’s time for dinner.

In terms of good stuff, I’m really pleased with some of the details in that story — Una’s nail polish bottles, Chris’ Eagle Scout award (the highest award in Boy Scouts), those two discussing leaky scaffolding (a relatable New York City experience), the reveal of what happened to Gabriel Lorca. Also, I know I’m biased, but when Una set the stars at the planetarium to Mojave, California, so she could see what the sky looked like for Chris when he was a child at night, I think that’s so goddamn romantic of her.

I’m less pleased with my decision to have Una’s quick conversation in the mail room be with a nameless neighbor. My original thought was the neighbor could be any one of the Discovery women — Kat Cornwell, Michael Burnham, Phillipa Georgiou, etc. Meh. Then I wrote and deleted a whole section that made clear the neighbor was Christine Chapel. Maybe I should have kept that and removed the fleeting Chapel reference later. I’m not sure.

I stand by the Spirk joke at the end, though.

I also stand by Una not being a model patient. She’s mostly good about things, but she doesn’t always carry her card with her … just like a real person. And I am gleeful that Eagle Scout Mr. Moral Compass Christopher Pike uses the work printer for personal documents because, come on, we all do it.

Oof, I could keep talking about this story but I should stop. Thank you for this absolutely lovely opportunity, @belannaswlonkderfulworm, I’ve enjoyed every second of babbling about my beloved The Light Before Dawn. ❤️

Want more information about a fic I wrote? Send me an ask.

[jahayla-parker]

Black & White : Peter Paker x Reader Series

Part 2

For full warnings, descriptions, and other parts, see series masterlist here.

While Peter had done a fairly decent job at keeping his distance, he knew he had to put that aside when he unexpectedly got a late night call from her. She was practically in tears when he’d picked up, and it crushed him. It had taken him time to get her to open up to him, both figuratively and literally in the sense of him standing outside her door. That night, Peter had come to the realization that despite what he’d done earlier that week, he had already earned a place in her life. He came to understand that suddenly abandoning that role, especially without explanation was hurtful. And Peter couldn’t get himself to hurt her. He had only ever wanted to keep her from harm. So, it seemed he now had to find another way to keep her safe without hurting her in the process.

“I don’t know if I ever said this out loud,” y/n mumbled, treading carefully. She and Peter been talking about their high school days when the topic of Peter’s aunt, Aunt May, had come up again. Y/n looked up with sympathy as his confused eyes met hers. “But, I’m sorry about your aunt, Peter,” she whispered. “I wish she was still alive, I can see how much she meant to you”.

Peter shifted anxiously in his seat, but his eyes never left y/n. “H-how…,” he mumbled. Peter cleared his throat before trying again. “How did you know th-that Aunt May.. died?” He inquired.

Y/n softly sighed. “I didn’t mean to be nosy,” she apologized lightly. “It’s just, that… well, when you talk about her,” she rambled cautiously, “it's always in the past tense”. She watched silently as Peter nodded in understanding. “Plus, I-… there's so much sorrow in your eyes Peter,” y/n added. Upon earning another inquisitive look from him, she gave him a half-smile. “I know that look of sorrow and grief all too well myself,” y/n informed him. She paused as Peter visibly debated over what to say. “You don’t need to talk about it,” she said, shaking her head slowly, “not if you don’t want to”.

Peter nodded lightly in appreciation. While he didn’t want to talk about Aunt May, he couldn’t get his focus off of the question that was now on his mind. He realized asking it would prolong this conversation and perhaps place him in a position where he’d have to try and vaguely explain what gained to May. But, Peter couldn’t not ask the all too pressing question that was now plaguing his mind with worry. “How..,” he swallowed thickly, afraid of her answer, “how do you know that look?”

Y/n faltered. She hadn’t expected Peter to open up and talk about his Aunt much more than he had over their past interactions. But, she truly hadn’t expected to be asked about her own past. A simple charge in topic, sure. But, was this truly the only topic he could think of? However, as her eyes once again met his, she could tell Peter was genuinely wondering, genuinely worried about her understanding something like that. So, while she didn’t want to trauma-dump, she knew she owed him a brief explanation. “I.. uh, I too, have lost those who were close to me,” y/n simplified.

Peter felt the tightness in his chest intensify. He knew it was an unrealistic desire, but he wished y/n hadn’t experienced whatever it was that caused her to understand his pain. But, he could tell from the glossy and distant look on her normally bright eyes that she did. As much as he hated the idea of her going through this kind of heartache, he couldn’t help but simultaneously be grateful that he had someone around who understood; as much as one could.

Peter wanted to know more. He wanted to know what y/n had been through. He wanted to know how he might be able to be of assistance. He wanted to know as much about her and her life as he could. But, Peter could tell she didn’t want to talk about it, so he didn’t press.

Y/n nervously clutched her phone in her left hand as she held it to her ear. She wasn’t actually calling anyone. It was late and she wasn’t sure who would even still be awake. Peter might be. But, she didn’t want to bother him. Especially if she was possibly overreacting to this. Yet, she couldn’t help the way her heart beat rapidly in her chest as she tried to keep her breathing steady as she focused on not tripping on the broken cobblestone sidewalk. She could still feel the man behind her, following her despite her already having told him she didn’t have any cash on her.

“Oh, yeah? Then what happened?” Y/n asked no one, her right hand squeezing her keys tightly as she mentally prepared for a fight. The sound of the man’s footsteps echoed loudly in her head as she tried to form a plan on how to get home without the stranger knowing where she lived. She still had several blocks to go, but then what? Maybe she would need Peter’s help after all.

“No it’s okay, I’m only a few minutes away, you can tell him I’ll meet him at the door,” y/n spoke into her phone. She hoped the comment would deter the man from continuing to follow her. Only, as she turned the corner, she looked over her shoulder and saw he was still trailing her. She took a deep breath as she tried to keep her fear from forming tears in her eyes. She needed to see clearly if she wanted to get out of this. And boy did she want to get out of this.

Y/n faced forward just in time for her foot to get caught in a buckled piece of concrete, sending her flailing face-first into the ground. She instinctively attempted to catch herself, only for her to injure her wrist in addition to her face. She heard movement behind her and closed her eyes, readying herself for what was coming next. She could hear the screams that had once haunted her nightmares playing back in her mind, all the sounds from that night on repeat.

A hand rested lightly on y/n’s right shoulder, causing her to rapidly push herself up on the ground. She had formed a defensive posture before her frantic eyes actually read the scene. There was someone in a red and blue spider suit standing before her, palms facing her as they held their hands up in surrender; Spider-Man, she realized. Behind Spider-Man was the stranger who’d been following her, only he was now webbed up against the nearby wall.

Y/n’s eyes flickered between the superhero and the stalker repeatedly as she tried to make sense of what she clearly missed while the flashback played in her mind. She noticed the way Spider-Man kept his distance out of respect, but was watching her closely. After she’d steadied her breathing, she took one last glance over at the stranger. Her eyes narrowed in anger but she simply huffed and looked away. She glanced up at the hero who stood a few inches taller than her. “Th-,” y/n cleared her throat, “thank you”.

Spider-Man quickly shook his head. “A-are you okay?” He asked, lowering his hands down to his side as his eyes scanned y/n.

Y/n bit her lip, her tongue gazing the inside prompting a metallic taste to form in her mouth. Her teeth let go of her bottom lip as her tongue danced around it in their place, searching for the cut. She quickly located the split in her lip and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She spared a frustrated glance at the streak of blood on her thumb after doing so.

Y/n remembered she wasn’t alone and looked back up at Spider-Man and quickly nodded. While he was wearing a mask that covered his face, she could tell from his mannerisms that he was in doubt of her answer. “I’m fine, th-thank you Spi-Spider-Man,” she replied. “Umm.. Can… Can I go now? Or do you need-?”

Spider-Man shook his head. “You can go home,” he nodded. “Do you want me to walk you-?” He offered.

“No thank you,” y/n answered, grabbing her phone from the ground. The screen was cracked, but it was still functional. “I.. I have someone waiting for me,” she lied. He might be a superhero and might’ve saved her tonight, but she wanted to just get home. She was only a few minutes away, and now that the stalker was kept in place, she could return home safely without worrying about giving away her address. “Goodnight,” she mumbled, forcing a small but polite smile in appreciation before turning and speed walking the rest of the way to her apartment.

Peter’s heart was beating out of his chest by the time he swung into his bedroom window. Given the fight was over, y/n was safe, and the man had been arrested, his adrenaline should be calming down by now. Only, Peter was still worried about her. Not only had she split her lip, suffered a small gash on her cheek and palms, her eyes were full of fear; even when she saw the man was apprehended. He needed to check on her.

Peter rapidly tore off his Spider-Man suit and haphazardly put on some comfortable clothes. As his quick feet slid to a stop behind his door, he forced himself to take a moment to calm down. As worried as he was, his supernatural senses having gone off adding to his worries, Peter needed to relax; or at least appear to be. Otherwise, he risked giving himself away.

Peter’s knees nearly buckled when y/n slowly creaked open her door upon him knocking. Her eyes were bloodshot, face puffy, hair a mess, and she was trembling. He sucked in a breath as he approached her. Remembering her fear from earlier, Peter froze a couple inches from her. “Can I… can I hold you?” He asked quietly.

When y/n shakily nodded and sniffled in response, Peter promptly closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her. “Shhh,” he whispered as he rubbed her back. He helped keep her upright as she melted into his embrace. “It’s okay, you’re going to be okay,” Peter promised.

It had been several minutes since Peter had arrived before y/n spoke up. In the meantime, he’d shut and locked her door, guided her to her futon, wrapped her in the nearby blanket, and whispered generic words of support to her as she cried into his chest. He wouldn’t have even noticed she was trying to say anything coherent had it not been for her leaning back to look at him.

“Peter?” Y/n repeated, knowing the first time she asked, it hadn’t come out clearly. When he nodded at her in response, she sniffled and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Ho-how did you know? That..” she mumbled.

“I hadn’t seen you arrive tonight, and..,” Peter shrugged, trying to not have to lie, “I sensed something might be wrong”. He squeezed y/n’s hand as her glassy eyes stared back at him silently. “So I wanted to check on you”.

Y/n sniffled loudly and nodded. “I’m glad you did,” she whispered. She watched as Peter gave her a warm smile despite his eyes showing his lingering worry. “Thank you,” she sighed.

“I’ll always be here for you,” Peter promised, stroking y/n’s hand. “Why don’t we get you cleaned up,” he suggested cautiously. “And while we’re doing that, you can tell me what’s going on,” Peter added, standing up.

Peter’s anger towards the man he’d webbed up earlier this evening only grew as y/n recalled her experience. He’d come across the scene just as y/n looked nervously over her shoulder. He hadn’t been quick enough to catch her, not expecting her to be so frightened she’d trip. But, he quickly put two and two together and trapped the man in his webbing. He only now knew that the man had been following her for awhile, and just how frightened she’d been.

Peter focused on pushing his anger aside in order to be gentle as he dabbed y/n’s scratched cheek with the damp washcloth. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, frowning. He should’ve been there earlier. He should’ve known she would be working late, and he would’ve had he checked his phone during patrol. If he had, he could’ve ensured she got home without all of this happening.

“It’s not your fault Peter,” y/n replied quietly as she tried to keep herself from breaking into tears again. It was all just too much. Her mind wouldn’t stop replaying the events of tonight and that of a few years ago.

“I know,” Peter commented as he watched y/n slowly try turning her wrist. “But still,” he argued. He shook his head in frustration. This shouldn’t have happened. “You didn’t deserve to-“ he began, stopping when tears started falling down her face seconds before a sob escaped her throat.

“Woah,” Peter gasped, dropping the washcloth and cautiously taking her injured arm in his hand. “Maybe I should go with you to the hospital,” he commented as his eyes analyzed the skin on her wrist in search of any visible evidence of how bad the injury was. Upon noticing y/n shaking her head no, he frowned and sighed softly. “Y/n/n,” Peter murmured, “if it hurts this badly, we-“.

“It’s not that,” y/n whimpered. When Peter’s troubled eyes flickered up to her face, she sniffled and her body shook as she tried to keep from falling apart completely. “I… It’s….” She mumbled, looking away. “It’s… That’s how I lost… My… My parents,” y/n explained, her voice splintering with nearly every word.

Peter swallowed thickly as his eyes squeezed shut in sympathy. His heart hurt and he felt his own eyes tearing up. But he pushed that down. He had to be here for y/n. She needed him. Peter let out a soft breath and neared her. He wrapped his arms around her again, closing his eyes as she buried her head into his neck. “I’m here,” he said, knowing there was nothing else he could say to help her through this.

Peter brushed some stray hairs away from y/n’s face as she rested against his chest. He wished so badly to be able to take her pain away. Obviously he knew all too well what it was like to lose someone so unexpectedly and so violently. But, he wished y/n hadn’t gone through that. But he knew that was outside of his control. What was in his control though was whether or not she had to face this alone, and he was not going to let that happen.

“The other night,” y/n murmured, “when I told you…”. She sighed, “I forgot part of the story”.

Peter looked over at y/n, turning his attention away from the news. “Oh?” He asked, voice dripping with concern.

Y/n heard his worry and smiled appreciatively. “I’m okay Petey,” she promised, snuggling into his side, earning a small laugh from a now-red faced Peter. “It wasn’t anything bad that I left out, I just realized that i didn’t tell you the whole thing, start to finish,” she explained. That night, she’d told Peter about having been followed, tripping and how the flashbacks of her parents’ deaths took over. But, she didn’t tell him about how she’d gotten away from the man. Come to think of it, why hadn’t Peter questioned about that? Maybe he didn’t care, so long as she was safe? But, most people would be curious, no?

“Oh?” Peter repeated, although this time his voice was much more relaxed. “And what’s that?” He asked, pulling the blanket that had fallen to y/n’s hip up to her shoulder.

“It was him,” y/n commented, pointing at the television. When Peter didn’t say anything, y/n interpreted that as him being confused as to what she meant. “Spider-Man was the one who made it so I could get away,” she explained. “He webbed to the creep,” y/n told Peter, “he saved me”.

“You still ended up hurt,” Peter said softly as he gazed down at y/n. His eyes trailed over her slightly healed cheek. “And scared,” he added, the arm that was around her instinctively pulling her closer to his side.

Y/n hummed. “That wasn’t his fault,” she argued. “I’d panicked, the memories became too much..” y/n frowned as she replayed the events of that night. “If Spider-Man hadn’t been there… I-,” she trailed off.

“Shhh,” Peter whispered, rubbing y/n’s shoulder. “You don’t need to think about that,” he reassured. “You’re safe, you’re safe”.

After a brief moment of silence to compose herself, y/n nodded. “I’m just saying, it was him,” she repeated, her chin pointing towards the TV as yet another segment about Spider-Man saving a bus that’s brakes had failed played on the screen.

“Yeah?” Peter asked, biting his lip.

Y/n nodded. “It was crazy, looking back you know?”

“How so?” Peter inquired, raising his brow.

With a shrug, y/n giggled lightly. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “It’s just, I’ve never seen him in person before, on TV of course, but not in person”.

“You’ve watched Spider-Man on TV?” Peter asked, trying not to smirk.

Y/n shrugged, “I mean, the Daily Bugle is kinda obsessed with him”. “It’s not like I go looking for Spider-Man content,” she laughed loudly, “sometimes I just turn on the TV and there he is”.

Peter chuckled and nodded. “What do you uhhh… what do you think about him?”

“I mean, I don’t really know him, ya know?” Y/n answered. “Not like the way I know you,” she added as she rested her head on Peter’s shoulder again. “But, from what I’ve seen, I’d say he’s pretty cool”.

Y/n wrapped her arm around Peter’s waist, in need of some light grounding. “Like, I admire what he does and stands for,” she explains, starting off into space. “I wish there were more people like him,” y/n said. “If more people were looking out for the little guy, maybe… well, that doesn’t matter, it’s too late now…” She took a deep breath as she felt Peter rub her arm supportively. “But, you know, he doesn’t have to do anything crazy like the Avengers,” y/n rambled. “Simply looking out for the little guy, being the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man like they call him, it’s plenty”.

“Woah,” y/n gasped as the blood that had rushed to her face slowly started to return to its original location as her body was lifted upwards. She heard Peter chuckle lightly, making her giggle. “Nice reflexes,” y/n complimented as her eyes turned to the side to see him as he stood beside her having caught her as she tripped over a broken curb.

Peter’s cheeks glowed red but he nodded. “You don’t uh…,” he mumbled nervously. He cleared his throat and tried again. “You don’t have to literally fall head over heels to get my attention, you know,” he flirted in a hushed voice.

Y/n giggled and nibbled on her bottom lip. She grinned at Peter and shook her head bashfully. “That was cute,” she complimented, pleased when she saw it eased his nerves over having lightly flirted with her. Yet, she could see the way Peter’s cheeks flushed brighter and his mouth parted slightly before closing again as he tried to search for a response. Y/n smiled and took his hand as she resumed their walk to the grocery store, “come on, Petey”.

“Peter, this is Eddie,” y/n introduced, smiling as the guys shook hands. “He goes to school with me,” she explained as she returned to Peter’s side. “Eddie, this is Peter,” y/n concluded, not certain how to label Peter in relation to herself.

“Nice to meet you Eddie,” Peter greeted politely. “What are you studying?” He asked.

Eddie Brock Jr. explicitly looked Peter up and down silently.

Y/n tsked loudly. “Eddie! Don’t act like that,” she scolded with a teasing laugh. “Peter, don’t worry about him, Eddie’s like practically my older brother, so he’s trying to act intimidating and protective,” y/n said as she interpreted the scene before her.

Peter nodded and while he had his suspicions about the guy before them, he remained friendly. If this Eddie guy was y/n’s friend, so be it. He’d of course make sure his sensation that something was off wasn’t something that could result in harm towards y/n. But, other than that, he’d put his personal feelings aside for her sake. “No problem,” Peter nodded. “I understand,” he replied. “After all, you do tend to manage to find trouble,” he joked, nudging y/n.

Y/n giggled and shook her head defensively. “Hey!” She whined. “That’s not fair! It’s not my fault that construction crew on third dropped the beam a few feet in front of us,” y/n argued, crossing her arms over her chest.

Peter laughed and pretended to contemplate y/n’s defense, earning him a playful slap to his bicep as she laughed. He could feel Eddie’s eyes on them, so he smiled over at the man. Only, he simply got a squint in response. Peter knew y/n hadn’t seen it as she’d buried her head in his shoulder during her laughing fit.

Peter mentally rolled his eyes as Eddie walked into the theater he and y/n were standing in line in. By this point, he’d figured out that Eddie had a crush on y/n. But, while Peter and y/n weren’t together yet, he’d also learned that she wasn’t interested in Eddie that way and that she figured he’d get over it sometime soon. Yet, once again Eddie managed to show up while Peter and y/n were hanging out together. Peter hadn’t figured out just how he managed to do that. Whenever he and y/n were out, there was at least a 40% chance that Eddie would show up uninvited.

“Is that..?” Y/n asked, her voice trailing off in confusion and surprise. “Is that Eddie?” She repeated, squinting her eyes as she looked across the theater’s concession room to where the latest person had entered from. “Did you invite him?” She wondered, hoping her voice didn’t portray her slight disappointment over Peter having invited someone else to their night out. While they weren’t dating, there’d been some more light flirting and she was hoping one day when Peter felt comfortable, he’d ask her out. Her disappointment resolved when Peter shook his head no in response.

“Hey y/n!” Eddie greeted as he joined y/n and Peter. He quickly pulled her in for a tight hug, a wide smile on his face as he pulled back. He didn’t bother looking at Peter until y/n stepped closer to him as she softly explained how they were seeing y/f/m in a few minutes. “Oh, cool, mind if I join you, y/n/n? I was going to sit alone, but it would be nice to be with you instead,” Eddie requested.

Y/n smiled politely and nodded. She looked over at Peter. “That’s fine,” she answered, feeling slightly obligated given Eddie’s verbiage. “Right Peter?” Y/n checked, squeezing his hand. When Peter glanced over at her and nodded with a smile, she relaxed and smiled back at Eddie again. “Okay, cool,” she said as she turned around to continue waiting in line for their chance to order snacks.

Y/n stared at Spider-Man’s masked profile as she walked alongside the vigilante. She pursed her lips as a thousand thoughts raced through her mind. She couldn’t possibly be correct in her theory. Could she?

A few nights ago, y/n had begun to suspect that Spider-Man might be someone she knew. More specifically, she began to suspect he might be Peter. She didn’t have enough evidence to support her suspicions yet, so she hadn’t brought it up to him. But, the suspicions remained.

Y/n had noticed the masked hero watching her from the rooftop a few nights ago when she was walking home from a late shift at the diner. She’d been exhausted and couldn’t care enough to wonder why he suddenly happened to be in her area despite not seeing him there prior to the incident a month or so ago. Besides, his presence and protective watch over the street was comforting.

However, y/n quickly noticed it wasn’t a one time thing. Whenever she had a late night shift at work, Spider-Man just so happened to be in the area. She initially tried to brush it off as a coincidence. But, when she picked up a last minute night shift, she found the vigilante was nowhere to be seen. Yet, immediately upon returning to her original schedule for the week, she found him there again.

Y/n didn’t have a set schedule. Rather, her shift schedule changed weekly. So, y/n knew that the only person who knew her schedule -other than her manager, who was a senior citizen and therefore certainly not Spider-Man- was Peter. In fact, after analyzing the situation further, she realized that the one night Spider-Man wasn’t there to ensure she got home safely, Peter hadn’t known about her picking up the last minute shift that night. And when she’d gotten home and texted him about it to complain, she received a reminder from him that she needed to be safe when working late.

As such, tonight, upon finishing up at the diner, y/n made her way over to the building where the vigilante was normally perched. “Are you going to come down and walk with me at some point?” She taunted, staring up at the masked man. Worst case scenario, she was wrong and this was some random person who was trying to keep her safe after seeing what nearly happened to her awhile back. But, she had this feeling it was more than that.

Therefore, y/n continued to stare wordlessly at the masked hero as he walked beside her. When he’d joined her, he offered a brief greeting -his voice a bit peculiar- before he began walking alongside her. “Is that you..?” She whispered.

“You should really look where you’re walking,” Spider-Man teased, using his gloved hand to turn y/n’s shoulder forward.

“You didn’t answer my question,” y/n commented despite complying with his suggestion.

“Which was?” The masked vigilante asked.

“What’s your name?” Y/n inquired.

“You expect me to tell you my name?” Spider-Man laughed. However, he noticed the way y/n faltered at the sound, causing him to promptly stop, afraid she might’ve recognized his laughter. “That would defeat the whole masked up thing,” he argued.

“Perhaps,” y/n nodded in agreement. “But, you can’t expect me to not ask when you’ve been stalking me for nearly a week now,” she pressed.

“Stalking?” Spider-Man all-but gasped.

“My best friend has warned me about walking home after my late shifts,” y/n commented, her eyes scanning the hero for signs of his reaction. “Perhaps you’re what he was referencing,” she replied.

“I assure you I’m not,” Spider-Man laughed, holding his hands up. “If it makes you more comfortable, I can leave though,” he offered.

Y/n shook her head, her eyes still trailing all over the man beside her. “Something tells me he’d be fine with you seeing me home,” she teased, hoping for a reaction she could use as evidence.

“Oh?” Spider-Man questioned as he guided y/n around a pile of garbage.

“Yeah, he’s kind of obsessed with you,” y/n lied. She smirked when Spider-Man choked and tried to play it off with a laugh. But she knew that laugh. She adored that laugh. “But I have a feeling you’re more similar than either of you will let on,” she stated, not wanting to push him further but still trying to clue him in that she knew.

Y/n yawned as she slid her textbook away from her and threw her head back against her pillows that were propped up by the wall. She let her eyes close for merely a second when she heard a knocking sound coming from her right. Her eyes flew open and she tore open her curtains, her pencil held up as a -albeit poor- makeshift weapon. As her eyes adjusted to the lights of the surrounding buildings, she saw Spider-Man leaning against her window as he stood on her fire escape.

Y/n gasped and tossed her pencil aside, carelessly discarding it as she tugged open the window. “Oh my God,” she gushed as she stared at the crimson colored patch on his side beneath his hand. She quickly helped him in through her window and into her apartment. “What happened?!” She panicked as she herded him to the edge of her bed.

“‘m sorry,” Spider-Man mumbled, his masked head hung lowly. “I had nowhere else to go,” he admitted.

Y/n shook her head. “It.. it’s fine,” she promised as she crawled off her bed and ran towards her kitchen. “But- God! What happened to you?” She asked again as she frantically dug through her medicine drawer.

“Turns out I’m not indestructible,” Spider-Man joked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Y/n glared over at him as her head snapped up from where it had been buried in the medicine drawer. “Not funny,” she scolded before resuming her search. Once she had an armful of supplies, she rushed back to him. “Are you hurt anywhere else?” “Other than your side?” She asked.

Spider-Man nodded slowly. “Hit my head too,” he commented, frowning when y/n’s worry visibly increased. “No concussion, but I think maybe a slight cut,” he reassured.

Y/n stared at him in disbelief. She shook her head and passed him the gauze. “Hold this to your side. Let me see your head,” she directed as she reached for his mask.

Spider-Man shook his head rapidly. He leaned back ever so slightly to keep the distance so y/n couldn’t touch his mask. “I can handle that part, just need help with my side,” he explained.

“Peter, knock it off and let me see the cut on your head,” y/n groaned, reaching back towards his head.

“Wh-what?” Spider-Man faltered. “I… Peter...?” He questioned futilely. He could see from the look in y/n’s eyes that she knew. “I don’t know what-“.

“The cut is going to be the least of your head pain if you don’t stop,” y/n grumbled. She sighed and sat down beside him as she began attending to the wound on his side. “I know it’s you, Peter,” she said, her voice soft and compassionate. “I need to see your head, please just take off the damn mask,” she pleaded, her worried eyes gazing up at him as she held the gauze to his side.

Spider-Man Peter slowly gripped the material of his mask and lifted it over his face and off his head. He gave y/n a silently apologetic expression as he finally revealed his identity to her.

“That’s not a small cut Peter!” Y/n scoffed as she grabbed his right hand. She pressed his hand back against his own side as she turned her attention to his forehead.

Peter shook his head in disbelief. She was offended he’d undersold the extent of his cut, but not that he’d kept this secret from her? “Y/n, I..,” he whispered.

Y/n shook her head. “We can talk about it later, really,” she reassured Peter with a small smile. “For now, we have to see how much I can remember from my first aid courses,” she hummed, standing up to grab more items from her first aid kit.

When y/n returned to Peter’s side, she noticed he’d stripped the suit down to his hips so she could have better access to his wound. She fought to keep her eyes away from his defined chest. Evidently she didn’t hide it well enough because she heard Peter chuckle shyly. She bit her lip bashfully and focused on the hole in his side.

“Can I please explain now?” Peter asked as y/n finished up the stitches on his side. When her eyes met his as she applied the bandages over the sutures, he gave her a timid smile. He watched her smile softly in response as she nodded before commenting that she was still going to patch up his head though as he spoke.

“I wanted to tell you,” he whispered. Peter’s bottom lip slid to the side as he sighed. “Well, no that’s a lie. I didn’t want to tell you,” he confessed.

Y/n’s hand froze for a moment as she looked up at Peter. Unable to read any clues in his eyes that would ease her confusion, she absentmindedly continued to attend to his wound. “Thank you?” She asked, uncertain what else to say.

Peter’s eyes widened as he realized how his words were interpreted. “No, no, no,” he rushed out frantically. “It’s not like that,” he pleaded as he grabbed y/n’s unoccupied hand.

“You…” Peter mumbled, carefully thinking through each word before he spoke them as to not mess up. “You recall when I said I lost those who were close to me?” He asked in a hushed voice.

Y/n nodded sympathetically, briefly meeting Peter’s eyes before looking back up at gash in his forehead. She waited patiently for him to elaborate as she silently resumed wiping the dried blood from his head.

“It was my fault,” Peter informed y/n. “They got close to me. To Spider-Man,” he corrected with a sigh. “It’s a long story,” Peter admitted. When he saw her lips curl downwards slightly, he squeezed her hand. “One I don’t mind telling you now,” he added.

Peter was thrown off by the sympathy and support from y/n. Despite having explained in detail how getting close to him could be dangerous to people, she only seemed to be worried about what he’d been through, not her own safety. Even when Peter had gone on and on about how Aunt May had died and about the memory spell that had caused his friends to forget him; y/n focused on him and not on what that could mean for herself.

“I can’t believe you’ve suffered through all of that, Peter,“ y/n said as she frowned deeply. “I’m really sorry, I know that doesn’t change anything or help, but-“ she rambled, wanting to find the right words to say.

“It does,” Peter spoke softly. “Your sympathy does help,” he promised squeezing y/n’s bicep as she once again resumed dabbing the skin around his facial wound. “I shouldn’t have let you get this close,” he scolded himself.

Y/n’s brows squinted momentarily before she switched tactics. “Peter, you’re not contagious,” she teased as she placed the now-bloody towel down.

Peter laughed lightly. “No, I know, but…,” he sighed. “You were right before, I tried to keep my distance.” He looked away from y/n’s focused eyes. “I was worried about what might happen to you because of me. But now,” he sighed as he shook his head in frustration with himself. “It’s too late,” Peter explained, “you already mean too much, and me distancing myself from you will only actually make things worse as I won’t know when to step in to protect you”.

Y/n gave Peter a sad smile. She let go of his hand and then moved both of hers to his jaw. “You don’t always have to be the hero, Peter”. The worry lingering in his eyes caused an aching in her chest. “Everything is going to be okay,” she promised, lowering her hands as she grabbed the butterfly suture supplies from beside her.

Peter smiled softly at y/n’s ever present optimistic outlook on life. “I… you mean far too much to me.” He took a nervous deep breath as he stared up at her eyes as she began to work on sealing the cut on his forehead. “I li… like you. Really like you,” he mumbled.

The breath seemed to leave y/n’s lungs instantaneously. She forced herself to take a choppy inhale. “Like…. More than a friend?” Y/n dared to ask despite her not being daring enough to meet Peter’s gaze.

Peter nodded, quickly earning a scolding glance from y/n as she continued to attend to his injury.

Y/n bit her lip bashfully over Peter’s confession. “Good,” she replied breathily. “Because I.. well... I like you too, Peter,” she confessed, finding the courage to turn her eyes from the new butterfly stitches on his head and instead down to meet his eyes.

Peter watched severely as y/n unnecessarily continued to attend to his wounds, bandaids being placed over each of the tiniest of scratches that scattered his body. Her confession had given him the confidence to finally ask y/n out on a date. Only, he wasn’t sure how to. Trying not to overthink it, Peter decided to just go for it.

“I.. I want to ask you something,“ Peter stated. He smiled when he got a slow nod from Y/n as she gently applied another bandaid to his lower arm. “But first, I want you know that I thought through this an infinite number of times before deciding to tell you any of this,” he promised, “I thought through how to best keep you safe”.

“Peter,” y/n sighed sympathetically, looking up from Peter’s scratched-up forearm. “You make it sound like you’re doomed for all eternity,” she frowned. “You’re not, you know?”

Peter smiled warmly. “See. That’s just it,” he hummed. “You taught me that I don’t have to shut myself off from others, from you… even after losing someone”.

Y/n smiled with a bashful but proud expression. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Peter said, removing y/n’s lingering hand from his arm so he could hold it in his. “So I’ve prepared for the possibility of something happening, but I also trust your optimism that it doesn’t have to happen like that,” he explained. When she smiled at him, he automatically grinned back. “So.. uhhmmm. What I have been needing to ask you, is… will umm …,” Peter cleared his throat, turning his head to the side in order to not do so in y/n’s face. He blushed madly as he turned back her. “May I take you on a date?” Peter asked breathily.

Y/n happily accepted, quickly nodding her head with a wide smile on her face. She nodded and unconsciously leaned closer to Peter as they smiled at each other. She couldn’t help but notice their lips were only millimeters apart when Peter suddenly jerked backwards. Y/n tried to hide her sense of rejection as she quickly looked away and went to clean up the mess of medical supplies.

Peter immediately noticed Y/n’s worried and self conscious reaction and pouted. He tenderly guided her attention back to him by placing his hand on her arm to stop her from collecting the bandaid wrappers. He used his other hand to tilt y/n’s chin up and offered her a childish smile. “It isn’t you,” he promised, his head still unconsciously tilted to the side faintly. “It’s hard to explain, but after I was bit, I get these sensations… almost like a sixth sense where when there is-“ he began to explain, but ironically was cut off by a loud siren.

Y/n’s eyes widened in understanding and realization as the sharp tone of the sirens rang in her apartment. “You have these senses of trouble,” she surmised. “It’s almost… it’s from a spider…,” y/n rambled to herself while Peter watched in silent amusement as she thought it through out loud. “It’s a spider sense, you have spider senses. No, spidey senses!” She exclaimed.

Peter chuckled and shrugged. “I guess I do,” he blushed as moved to stand up.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Y/n said as she squinted intensely at Peter.

Peter raised an eyebrow and pointed out the window in signal to the siren that was still there in the background.

Y/n shook her head, “not like that you’re not”.

Peter smiled warmly but opened his mouth to argue.

Y/n picked up on what Peter was about to do and quickly tried to shut him down. “I don’t know about you Parker,” she hummed, trying to suppress a smirk. “But, I’d personally actually like us to get to the date you mentioned, and for that, you need to be alive and alert,” she pointed out.

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