#source: fraiser

[incorrect-kaishinshi]

Conan: Alright, now everyone pay attention. I have an announcement to make and I only have a minute.

Genta: Why?

Ayumi: Are you in a hurry?

Haibara: No, he was referring to your relatively short attention spans.

[incorrectteyvatism]

Jean: Alright, now everyone pay attention. I have an announcement to make and I only have a minute.

Kaeya: Why?

Amber: Are you in a hurry?

Jean: No, I was referring to your relatively short attention spans.

[therighthandofvengeance]

Na’Toth: Ah, Ambassador G’Kar, I may have underestimated you.

G’Kar: Really?

Na’Toth: Yeah, you’re making a bigger jackass of yourself than I thought.

[incorrect-darkside-detective]

McKing, opening the door: Hello, McLoser! I hope you had the presence of mind to bring ‘presents of mine’…

McQueen: ...

McKing: ...

McQueen: I haven’t heard that joke since last year.

[inprogress-predicament]

Totally Correct SG1 Quotes

Dr. Janet Fraiser, the instant someone has a splinter: Fuck Off, Fuck You, Fuck You, Fuck You Too. I am in charge now. I will murder a five star general if that's what my patient needs.

[clairefey]

RFQ (Request for Quote) for Fanfic Illustration Project

Update: I have found an artist! Thanks to all who applied.

Hello! I am a fanfic author looking to commission 6 illustrations to appear in an upcoming fanfiction. My tentative/negotiable budget for this is $1650 USD or $275/illustration. I wish them to be done by 24th September. I am looking for illustrations that are fully shaded, and in color, suitable for appearing inline both online (via AO3) and in print in B&W. I am an amateur fannish creator, and this is the first time I've ever done something like this, and have no contacts to which to rely upon. As a result, I'm also offering a $50 finders fee for any good-faith tip, recommendation, or referral that ultimately leads to a successful agreement.

About the project:

Nature of Work/Quality Requested: Each illustration will involve two canon Stargate SG-1 characters that require, shading, detailing, and coloring. Each illustration also requires a background that effectively communicates the scene geography (ie, where the characters are in relation to eachother and their immediate surroundings). However, generally, the backgrounds do not require complicated shading and detailing as long as they get across the general idea - with the exception of a landscape background for one of the six illustrations. The backgrounds are: medical lab, briefing room, daylight forest, hillside overlooking river, underground cave.

Fandom: This project deals with the Stargate SG-1 fandom, and the characters of Janet Fraiser, Jonas Quinn, Samantha Carter, and the Goa'uld Nirrti. Someone familiar with this fandom would be preferred, but if you are not, substantial high quality references will be provided.

Controversial/Squicky Elements: These requested illustrations do not involve any kind of erotica or ongoing/imminent violence/gore and are SFW. However, of note, a few of the desired illustrations require an accurate reproduction of automatic firearms typical of Stargate SG-1 (specifically, the M16A2 and the MP5, references will be provided), and one of the desired illustrations involves an injured and bloodied person.

Revisions/Alterations requested? Due to the expedited nature of the project (just under two months to finish), I don't expect there to be time for any significant alterations. All I would request is a sketch copy of each illustration before major detail/shading/color work is undertaken, so I can verify the scene geography and major components are correct. If there is time, I may pay extra for alterations should I want them.

How you will be credited:

In-story, online: Your name and a hyperlink to your website/social/portfolio (as desired) will be attributed in the author's notes of the chapters in which your illustrations appear. Your name will also appear at at beginning/foreward, credited as "Illustrator"

In-story, in print: Your name and printed URLs/@s will appear in the beginning or the end of the story, at your choice, credited as "Illustrator"

In other situations, online, e.g. social media posts: A named link to your webside/social/portfoilio (As desired)

Nature of product+license I am intending to purchase:

In general, high quality sources I can freely distribute, and which other can freely redistribute (so long as you remain attributed, and the following terms are attached). Specifically, I am looking for:

Source quality without visible watermark

Time-limited right of first publish: You will withhold publishing copies of the commissioned works on your own socials/website until the final fanfic is posted, or the date February 1st, 2025, whichever is earlier.

A non-exclusive, royalty-free, worldwide, perpetual and irrevocable license with the following terms:

In general, unlimited noncommercial reproduction with attribution.

Limited derivative works, including, color re-grading, cropping, addition of titles or text bubbles, extraction of individual elements without modification (e.g. characters), for the purposes of creating covers, memes, compositions, promotional material, and general shitposting.

Sublicensible without penalty under identical terms, for the purposes of allowing others to distribute the story with the illustrations intact, so long as attribution is preserved, a copy of these terms provided, and no cash or other cash-equivalents exchanged.

How you will be paid:

I am willing to pay via Pay Pal (G&S), Bank wire, CC payment to online shop, Bitcoin/Monero or any crypto listed on Bitstamp supported by Ledger. I am willing to sign up for any online service that does not have onerous verification requirements, as long as such service does not require the use of a proprietary app that can only be installed on a smartphone.

Payments will be in installments as progress is made, or via escrow at the artist's request.

Price negotiable?

Yes. The listed budget is what I believe this project is worth based upon my very limited knowledge and experience, and the money I have available to pay. As the title suggests, please send in your own quote as you feel is fair compensation for your labor. However, cards on the table, price will be a significant factor when discriminating between bids and I may reduce the scope of the project rather than incurring cost overruns.

Is the deadline soft or hard?

Hard. I need the illustrations by the given date for printing in order to give a copy to someone I know (it's a surprise).

How can I contact you?

Please direct all inquiries to bythemorningstar@protonmail.com. If you wish to make a bid, please include the following information.

Your tentative bid, in converted from your currency to United States Dollars

Your estimated lead time

A portfolio of recent work, with at least a few examples of the quality you are willing to work at for the given price.

Any additional stipulations or limitations the listed terms that you wish to request

Whether or not you are familiar with Stargate SG-1

Who you were referred by, if anyone

Your timezone

Whether you would prefer discord or signal for real-time communication

[mylittleredgirl]

after spending 29 hours thinking about a canon-ship scale for that poll, i decided i might as well spend another few hours looking through my old livejournal icons folder to rank the collection of ships i have written/am writing (for better or worse)...

we lost so much when we stopped making those 100x100 pixel icons. where are the pretty tiny photos of artfully cropped couples with even tinier text on them. all we know now is the wasteland of youtube thumbnails on google image search. we used to be a society

decryption key:

same canon, never met on-screen: clone!sam/jack (sg-1) (i'm rounding up from 0.5 here since she's an open-source fanon OC, but you get me)

they interact on-screen: jack o'neill/elizabeth weir (sg-1/sga), b'elanna/kes (st: voy)

some charged interactions: daniel/fraiser (sg-1), troi/ro (st: tng), margaret/trapper (mash), hawkeye/trapper/margaret (mash)

important intimate relationship (not labeled romantic): sheppard/weir (sga), hawkeye/trapper (mash)

one-sided feelings in the text: janeway/chakotay (st: voy) (i will hang for this take i know), miles/keiko/kira (st: ds9), talia/garibaldi (b5) (not necessarily proud of this one but i filled sooooo many five-subject notebooks about them when i was a teenager)

they kiss but it doesn't count: hoshi/travis (st: ent), julian/jadzia (st: ds9), riker/ro (st: tng)

mutual feelings in the text (unresolved): doggett/reyes (x-files), picard/crusher (st: tng - 24th century edition only)

unresolved on-screen, word of god confirmed: sam/jack (sg-1), jake/diane (jake 2.0)

they get together on-screen: trip/t'pol (st: ent), julian/ezri (st: ds9), frank/margaret (mash)

they stay together (endgame): mulder/scully (x-files), riker/troi (st: tng), miles/keiko (st: ds9), berena (holby city - somehow??? i hear we won in the end?), chidi/eleanor (the good place), jason/janet (the good place)

[theorchardsys]

Niche Kin Appreciation Month: Day One

Hi there! It's day one of my month of niche kin appreciation! This month is going to be the month of the (drumroll please)...

DINGO!!

Now, you may have never heard of a dingo before, and if you have it's probably the common "the dango ate ma baybee" (the dingo ate my baby). It's probably important to have a preliminary note that dingoes aren't just going to ingest random children. In fact, they're actually a native Australian wild dog!

Dingoes aren't actually dogs, though, or wolves, or coyotes, or anything of that variety. They're kinda their own species doing their own thing. They used to be pets of Australia's aboriginal people, but no longer. Now these guys are fierce and very wild. If you see a random puppy in the parking lot in Australia, don't go up to it! It will bite you! Some people can choose to keep them as pets, but they're super high energy and when they get attached to their owners, they don't like anybody else, so it's hard to re-home them. It's important to remember that they are still wild animals.

The puppos are pack animals who work together to take down the larger animals of Australia, such as kangaroos, but normally hunt alone or in pairs, though there have been sightings of dingoes with no relation to each other coming together to take down large prey, eating it, and going their separate ways. They're pretty opportunistic and like to snack on wallabys, possums, and some foreign species like hares, cats, goats, and pigs! They're apex predators and really really important to the ecosystem.

They have some super cool physical bits of them that are really interesting! Like their jaws! Their jaws open up extra wide, showing off giant canines which are far stronger than the teeth of domestic dogs. It can look super creepy when you see them yawn, because it looks like their jaws are unhinging. They also can twist their necks around 180 degrees in both directions and their limbs are all double jointed! They also can rotate their paws and they can (safely) partially dislocate their hips, and dogs can't do any of that. They've got a bunch of different colorations, but all dingos have white on their feet, tail tips, and chests. They have thick fur around their necks and chests and depending on where they live, they'll have different kinds of fur, like thick double coats in the winter alps and year round thin fur in other areas! Here are some of the main colorations for your viewing pleasure, with all the image descriptions sporting coloration details and image sources, along with the usual descriptions:

Other physical variations exist naturally in dingoes other than just coat, such as those on Fraiser Island having longer legs and bigger paws, those in the Alps having thicker coats and being more stocky, and desert/tropical varieties being more lean with narrower heads. This helps them all properly adapt to local needs in their populations.

Dingoes are super fast and can run up to 37 miles per hour (60 kilometers) and can travel up to 25 miles (40 meters) a day! They can also jump over 6.5 feet (2 meters) and can climb trees. They can also climb fences, cliffs, and rocks. They're a great control method against all sorts of invasive species, because they can go basically anywhere!

Dingoes are insanely smart as well as very curious and social! They are very sensitive to their environments and notice if even small things change. They often play together as they are incredibly affectionate and will jump on each other, wrestle, and body slam other pack members. Mates will flirt by giving each other food, cleaning one another, wrestling gently, spinning and flicking their tails, or just whining and purring. They keep their own territories to themselves and will fend off opposing groups.

Dingo packs often consist of the breeding mates and their pups. The pair will mate for life. The litters usually have four to six pups, though adult dingoes care for orphaned pups and adopt them as their own. Only the two mates breed in the pack, though the pups can stick around long past maturity to live with their parents and help raise the new pups. They don't have any naturally occurring diseases and are immune to tick diseases, so they will live ten years in the wild and up to twenty in captivity!

Barking isn't really a thing that dingoes do, per say. They will occasionally, but it's rather rare. They will growl or chortle, though! Dingoes also purr, snort, and whine. They use a deep woof (not a bark!) to convey danger and call pups back to the den if danger is approaching.

European colonization has since assisted in eliminating dingoes from some parts of Australia to make farming more easy. Feral domestic dog/dingo hybrids are becoming more and more common as dingoes are seen as pests. It doesn't help that much of their prey is slowly going extinct, driving them to prey more often on livestock and domestic animals. Their conservation status is vulnerable, right now.

If you would like to help out wild or domestic dingoes, you can donate or adopt a dingo here! If you're just here for the ride, you can click the links below for all the different days shown in the post linked here or the image below (complete with an image description, of course). I'll update as I post. Have a great day!!

<< < x > >>

[smallredrobin13games]

There's a really surprising connection between 1927's Metropolis and I Love Lucy that seriously impacted the style of the sitcom as we know it today!

Original source: Small Screen Aesthetics by Glen Creeber (and some additional research by me). Also featuring a lot of gifs because it's easier to show then tell what I'm describing.

Metropolis is probably one of the most visually influential films of it's day and one of the most well known German Expressionist films (alongside the Cabinet of Dr Caligari). This is due to it's beautiful design and iconic shots, which are still being recreated today.

Some of that can be attributed to one of the film's two cinematographers, Karl Freund. Freund is a bit of a pioneer in his field, being one of the first people to use an 'unchained camera', AKA a camera that isn't attached to a tripod and can be moved freely.

He was also a director of the Universal monster movie The Mummy (1932), starring Boris Karloff. This would later be remade into the Brendan Fraiser-led 1999's The Mummy which I watched for the first time this year. He also worked on Universal's 1931 Dracula, starring Bela Lugosi.

However, I would argue his most last cinematic legacy was his work on I Love Lucy, for which he was the cinematographer. While it certainly wasn't the first situational comedy (or sitcom), I Love Lucy pioneered the format we know today, most notably in it's use of the 'three-headed-monster'. The 'three-headed-monster' refers to the three camera set-up commonly used in sitcoms. While using multiple cameras is not unheard of today, if rarer on film productions, at the time it was groundbreaking.

Previous sitcoms had used a one-camera set-up, meaning that every time they wanted to change the angle of the camera (as is common in sitcoms today), they'd have to stop the scene, move the camera and completely change the lighting. This led to issues such as continuity errors and also was quite boring for the literal live-studio audience. Imagine going to the theatre and the show has to stop every five minutes or so to move a bulky camera and completely change the lighting (probably blocking your view in the process).

Freund instead had three cameras; two were designed to be used for close-ups of the two most active characters and were placed in the back, behind the 'bleachers' that audiences sat on while they watched the show. This also improved the view of the audience.

To do this, he developed a special long lens that could be positioned behind them. The final camera was designed to be placed near the centre to shoot a wide shot that showed the entire sitcom set. This set-up is also used in a lot of other live-taped shows.

If you've ever wondered why sitcoms are lit Like That, you can also thank Karl Freund! He also pioneered the even lighting needed for three cameras to work at the same time. You can see the difference most clearly in the black comedy Kevin Can F*** Himself, in which both three-camera and one-camera styles of filmmaking are used.

I Love Lucy was, in many ways, the template for sitcoms as we know them today so Freund's legacy lives on not just in one sitcom, but in all of them.It's very ironic to me that a horror director had such an impact on the style of a sitcom and now I'm making a horror game that's responding to the themes, tropes and styles of sitcoms.

If you liked this post, please check it out.

[sarcasticsciencefictionwriter]

5 things asks - Sanctuary and Stargate

Thanks so much for the ask! ❤️

send me a tv show/book/fandom and i’ll say the top 5 things i’d change about it

Stargate (I'm going to include a follow up movie here, because I got another ask)

5. Continuum didn't exist. There was no *real* point to it. I understand tying up the Ba'al storyline, but it became all about Mitchell. I especially hated the end, where we see the guys together, but not the girls, and then the last shot was Mitchell with his grandfather (think it was his grandfather? Can't remember). No. Uh-uh. You're finishing your storyline after ten seasons and two movies, you include everyone not just goddamn Cameron Mitchell.

4. Cassie would be more prominent. She needed to be in there more. Even if it was just more liberally mentioned by the members of SG-1. They all obviously had very good bonds with her, but she disappeared from the general storyline and only Sam was shown to be all that concerned about her after Janet died. She was great (especially for the team) and she was nudged to the side.

3. Mitchell did not become leader of SG-1. Sam was done dirty with that appointment (by extension I think Amanda Tapping also was). She had been there for eight years, was Jack's second-in-command, then Mitchell just waltzed in and whined his way into command and guilted everyone to come back. All he did to 'deserve' SG-1 was crash a plane. I would have appreciated him becoming Sam's second-in-command much more and I think it would have been better friendship if she'd been teaching him rather than following.

2. Janet. Fraiser. Lived. I hated her death. It was dramatic and I can kind of see why they went there, but no!!! They did not need to! She needed to live for so many reasons. Not only was she an awesome character in her own right, Cassie was orphaned again. Janet deserved so much better and they got rid of her character for drama reasons.

1. Sam and Jack got together in canon! I know that producers and such have said that they did after Threads, but I really would have liked to see them together in the show or one of the movies. All that build up and nothing to show for it. Such a disappointment. They even cut a scene where Sam eluded to it in Atlantis. They deserved a happy ending, at least a mention of it.

Sanctuary, Other than a Fifth Season (no numbered order, because they're interchangeable)

More Sally! I love Sally and I feel she should have been in the show more, because I think it was pretty obvious she and Helen were very good friends. She's been around the Sanctuary for an undisclosed amount of time, and has been there while everyone else has, so she knows them all, probably pretty well. Plus, mer are very cool.

More family dynamic between Helen, Biggie, Henry, and Ashley. They were a family long before Will, Kate, and anyone else showed up. We didn't really see the family dynamic between the four of them. Helen and Biggie raised two children together. Henry and Ashley were obviously siblings. There needed to be more.

More flashbacks of the Five. I LOVE the Five and there's so much untapped potential with them. James died in the second episode he was in and Nigel was hardly in there at all. But they cared about and loved each other and had adventures beyond the Source blood and the Ripper. We needed to see more of all that.

Less Will being an ass. I don't hate Will, but Season 4 did such a number on his character. There was no reason for him to be such an ass in Fugue about the situation. Then The Depths made it even worse. He needed to be nicer to Helen, especially after everything she did for him. He needed to be nicer.

Ended things with Druitt differently. I felt it was a complete turnaround on him to have him want to go to the past so he could be with Helen. I mean, he probably wouldn't have wanted to be the Ripper and staying with Helen would have been a result of that. I'm all for Teslen, but they didn't need to end things with John the way they did.

Had to think hard on these, but enjoyed really picking apart my views! Thanks for asking! ❤️

[bellisima-writes]

10 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks so much for the tag @katiefrog217!!

Absolutely NO pressure tagging, but these folks have written some lovely pieces on AO3 and if they want to participate and talk about their art, they deserve to: @di-42, @addledmongoose, @notalostcausejustyet, @hikarry

1. How many works do you have on AO3? |

Two (one completed and one WIP about 40-50% done)

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

*shifts uncomfortably in chair*

According to the stats page I just discovered (seriously how long has THAT thing been there?), I've published 185,536 words on AO3 (WHATTTTTTT in the what?!?).

3. What Fandoms do You Write For?

I've only ever written for Good Omens.

If we want to discuss what other Fandoms I have hyperfixated on and created elaborate stories only to not ever write them down? Then we can also include BBC Sherlock, The X Files, Stranger Things, and my OG from when I was a kid, Star Trek TNG. But I've only ever put pen to paper for Good Omens.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Every. Single. One. If someone cares enough about what I write to make a comment, I am absolutely responding. The only time I don't respond to each is if there are multiple on a single chapter or I respond to one from a later chapter before the earlier one. Otherwise, I really do try to respond and thank every reader who's ever left me a note. It means the world to me.

5. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

6. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I've discussed it briefly with some people and would honestly love to.

7. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Aziraphale/Crowley. Though when I was a kid I was also obsessed with Niles and Daphne from Fraiser and every time I rewatch that show I am right back there (yes...old I know but it was good soup back in the Must See TV Thursday era).

8. What are your Writing Strengths?

Ummm...I think I build good plot, tension and (somewhat) unexpected twists into stories well. I have an inability to not try to figure out puzzles, which makes me annoying to watch movies with but turns out is a good skill for actually building twisty stories.

I also personally think my characterization and dialogue are strong, but that could be up for debate.

9. What are your Writing Weaknesses?

One completed fic and one WIP at 185k words is pretty self explanatory, I think. I spend a lot of time in set up and making sure the plot points I write are earned and while I do lean on the source material, I also feel a compulsive need to build out the motivations of my versions of these characters.

I can't write something thats out of character, my brain literally won't let me. It will get painfully stuck until I admit, this would not happen this way and abandon the scene and start over. I have an entirely written alternate version of the Last Angel that I completely scrapped at one point because it just wasn't right...

I also struggle with descriptive language. It's why I never, ever thought to write before entering this fandom last fall. Fanfiction is such a gift because everyone already has a picture of the world you're writing, of the people who are speaking, of their tone of voice, and so you don't have to spend time describing the landscape or physical qualities. So that huge gap in my skillset doesn't affect the story as much.

And humor. I want to be funny, so badly. And lighthearted. But my stuff tends to lean into the difficult themes in the universes the stories take place in. People who write humor well are unicorns and I worship them. Part of the reason I scrapped that alternate version of the Last Angel was because I was leaning into the funny a lot more and it just ended up not feeling realistic to the situation.

And grammar. My grammar could always grammar better.

10. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

My initial Good Omens fic was the first story I ever wrote.

[crazyexdirkfriend]

for the ask meme, R and/or Z

ty ty!

R: Which writers (fanfic or otherwise) do you consider the biggest influence on you and your writing?

Hm difficult to say! With me, it's often more like I'll read a passage of something or a deconstruction of something and be super influenced or inspired by it. And I'd have to credit everything I've read, good bad and indifferent, for a *very* long time to really say what's influenced me. I suppose maybe it would be easier for me to look at specific fics I've written and ascertain what influenced my writing of those specifically. shag, emotionally devastate etc., and two short hours etc. were largely influenced by mixed media fics like Don Juan Manlet King, House of Dirk, Detective Pony etc. that kind of showed how to work outside the bounds of ao3 HTML, and some of the old MSPFA works I would have read as a teenager. Also Henry Jenkins I guess then lmao. Also influenced by social media aus but funnily like, the only one I had read at the time was the doofenperry kpop stan au...so that's lore there.

we were something is influenced by A Christmas Carol and Taylor Swift's folklore, and all of the above. It's also influenced by journey to the centre of the mind fics like Way Stations of the Heart, A Litany etc., and A Thousand Years

eschewal was inspired by the script for the season 1 finale of Steven Universe, Sylvia Plath, and psychology texts I was reading at the time.

lunar calendar was inspired by Moon Song (and I Know The End) by Phoebe Bridgers and a number of stylistically similar fics I read in quick succession with a nonlinear narrative

perpetuity was inspired by Endlessly by The Cab, Emily Dickinson, my nervous breakdown, and many stylistically similar fics I'd read until that point

With regards to like, writers specifically who have written or said stuff that I've found inspiring though, I guess all of the above. Then reading Save the Cat helped a BUNCH with my script-writing, as did reading the scripts for Gone Girl, Fraiser (selected episodes), and Death in Paradise. Stephen King's On Writing was very useful too I found. And recently I've been into this essay by Chuck Palahniuk that's helped me re-look at writing crutches I have. I'm not actually using this when I'm writing fic (because sometimes the reader *does* know because they've read the source text and it can get very clunky to come up with reasons, y'know the drill etc.) but it's changed the way I approach personal work a bit.

I've written too much for this question apologies.

Z: Is there a story you’ve written that doesn’t seem to get much love?

I'm going to be honest I am consistently overwhelmed by the amount of people who read my stuff. I put things out into the ether and then am like WUH when someone acknowledges me. It's a great feeling though.

I supposeeeeeee we were something perhaps, but it's a short WIP that people probably don't want to start until it's done. But I sort of lost steam on it and forget to work on it because I'm not sure many people read it. I will finish it! But it's probably my least popular of the dj fics (aside from my ancient ones from when I was a teenager)

[cryptic-eccentric]

The Next Town out of Moonside

It feels like a Thursday.

I find myself in a penthouse apartment overlooking a sprawling metropolis below. The glimmering, gleaming, and blinking artificial lights are only mostly obscured by the thick, grey storm clouds outside. Rain throws itself, reverberating loudly against the thick glass of the wall to wall window I am sat in front of. Thunder grumbles in the distance but there is no lightning. It smells thick and curly here, somewhere between floral incense and when you open a hot oven to remove baked goods. Everything is bathed in a peculiar violet light, the source of which I am not sure, for there is no furniture in this apartment.

There is just me, alone, sat on the floor, nude, looking at a CRT television which does not seem to be plugged in. The floor is a cold, dark tile but I do not feel the bite of the chill. I presume an episode of Fraiser is playing somewhere but the television is set to static. The phrase "Tossed Salads and Scrambled Eggs" is evocative of this place somehow.

There is an odd, almost alien sense of serenity here and a distinct feeling that I am not a complete stranger to this room. I cannot tell if I have merely seen visions of this place in childhood dreams or if, somehow, I have once again found myself in a room I visited once a long, long time ago. Such a long time ago that I had even yet to be born. Nevertheless, this place feels familiar and strange all at once and I am unsure why.

[pocketbelt]

Flashman (Harper Books eBook ver)

This one I came across via an offhand recommendation by one of the various internet ronin (as I’m tickled to call them) on I think cohost, which is dead and I think entirely gone now, and in doing do seemed to take the last public social media accounts of a few such people with it. I hope they’re doing well.

It was in the context of swashbuckling adventures and the old romances, which Flashman as a book is very clearly and openly inspired by; a letter by the author a few years before his passing mentions a litany of 1930s-60s movies, books, tales and so on that inspired it in some way, and because of it I think it ends up a little at odds with itself.

Lot more under the cut, but the tl;dr is while I read it to the end, and it is fascinating to think about critically, I don’t think the writing or character is enough to make me return for more. I began to glaze over parts toward the end and it gets repetitious and the unappealing kind of dry at points; might improve as they go on, but the hook didn’t pierce in to get a hold.

Flashman is the auto-biographical account of a fictional English soldier and eventual general, Harry Flashman, choosing in his last years to have a truly honest account of his sparkling, starry career as one of the British Empire’s great heroes, and revealing that he was, in fact, a liar, a cheat, a massive coward, and a rapist. He physically assaulted anyone beneath him in the social order at random and will, acquired and sold slaves, pretty much any and every crime you can expect of a young man from a rich family in Victorian England at the height of the British Empire in the 19th century is something he did. And for his crimes, a series of unfathomable strokes of luck allows him to fail upwards at ridiculous speed, going from being expelled from college to meeting the Queen within a few years, all the while his 80-year-old narrator self remarks on the ridiculousness and incompetence of all involved, his own disregard for English patriotism except where it could benefit him, and every other criticism one could make of the British Empire’s activities in Afghanistan that cause the First Afghan War.

In the letter used as a foreword, specifically on the topic of "How did you get the idea for Flashman?", one thing the author, George MacDonald Fraiser (a routine novelist of swashbuckling and historically placed stories, and also screenwriter for James Bond film Octopussy, something the publishing company is delighted to front), is that his approach to writing the story was to draw from as many historians’ writings, primary sources, letters, writings, even fiction of or closer to the time to get both the Victorian writing voice and also as much accuracy and historical verisimilitude as possible to ground and thread Flashman’s career. He also notes a litany of different responses and interpretations of the novel series, and in particular specifies an anti-imperialist leftist’s review citing it as a biting satire of Imperial Britain and its military and culture, which he rejects as his intent, among others, such as an assertion by some critics (positively) that it’s "the 20th century striking back at the 19th". And that strikes very oddly.

Fraser wanted a historical commentary on the British invasion of Afghanistan, but also clearly a rogue antihero who’s a send-up of all the gallantry and ‘noble heroes’ who often star in the material that inspired it; the result is, entirely independent of Fraser’s claimed intent, invariably an extensive and fairly obvious screed about the myriad flaws and evils of Victorian England, the British Empire and its military. It couldn’t not be, and it’s kind of hilarious that if it truthfully wasn’t the intent, it ended up that way anyway.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, Flashman tells a governor in India of his expulsion from college for drunkenness and the man responds "What? They’ll be expelling for rape next!" with a completely straight face, uncommented on by anyone. No-one remarks on Flashman’s acquiring and beating of slaves, all the Englishmen refer to the various peoples of Afghanistan as beasts, animals, savages, paedophiles, inhuman, etc (being Victorians, of course, it’s what they do to everyone), Flashman takes part in Parliament-ordered suppression of workers’ riots over poor treatment and encroaching industrialisation advancements and admits he didn’t even know why they were fighting them or what for, and that hell, they were probably right but soldiers didn’t think for shit because they had it easy and most bought their way into military positions for quick and easy social standing. The extremely scant few genuinely decent people invariably end up dead or shuffled out of the way, leaving all the glory to fall upon Flashman for being in the exact right spot at the time. The British military leaders are invariably shown to be incompetent braggarts, indecisive worriers or plainly deluded, and even the martially capable are said to be otherwise stupid, disliked and end up dead too. A lieutenant who weeps for a slain coloured child is captured and vanishes from the narrative, mostly, his efforts feeding glory for Flashman to reap, and the valiant effort of a True Noble Soldier, an honest and genuine gentleman reputable in all ways, to save lives with no help from the whining, cowardly Flashman leads to the soldier’s death and Flashman’s veneration for the soldier’s efforts.

Flashman ends the book having a near-breakdown over realising that he’s being cucked because young men aim for army wives left behind by their husbands. If you were writing a scathing putdown of militaries in general, never mind the British military in specific, you’d struggle to hit more regular talking points!

There is some chafing; the desire to also write a rogue-ish antihero in the swashbuckling romance fashion also shines through, and from the letter used as a foreword it’s clear the author came to adore his own creation as a result of that, which chafes against some of the contents, in particular the rape, and it’s there that I think the desires and intentions stumble over each other. I know, that isn’t unheard of for such tales and characters, I know non-con exists pretty readily and I’m not even saying you couldn’t make these elements cohere, I just think they don’t, here. The guts of the historical commentary rife with extensive descriptions and observations about the incompetencies and failures and moral hypocrisies of the British, paired with this walking failure failing upward so rapidly, set it up such that that avenue simply doesn’t work for Flashman, who is simply not charismatic or daring or interesting enough to provide the glue to pull that together. Mind you, I’m no great reader of swashbuckling tales or old romances or the like, so perhaps it’s simply a disconnect.

Perhaps he’s simply too Victorian to pull it off for me, I don’t know.

It’s still an interesting book to think about - the origin of the character, for example, being adopted from a 1857 novel where he surreptitiously vanishes halfway through as that author seemed to think twice about his presence - and fascinating to think about with that letter from the author in tow, but I’m not sure I’ll read the rest of the series as it didn’t completely get a hook in. There’s not enough candour or wryness or zest and zang to the prose to keep me at it, if nothing else; that may well improve as it goes on but I don’t know that I want to drop the money and time to find out. Much is said in descriptions of the book about its humour but I found it kind of lacking in that department a lot of the time, the actual humour few and far between, too.

[uncorrectintamed]

Wei Wuxian: Are you happy?

Jiang Yanli: Are YOU happy?

Wei Wuxian: No, but we're not talking about me.

[incorrect-frozen-quotes]

Elsa: Are you happy?

Anna: Are YOU happy?

Elsa: No, but we're not talking about me.