#spotify really said i know these two! and went for our throats!

[vihilum]

KATE BISHOP & JASON TODD. ( feat. @pistolism​ }

first meeting: pallid eyes by emily jane white.  getting to know each other: whiplash by metallica. (this song totally fucks.) escorting them back home: coffee by beabadoobee.  longing: hello kitty by jazmin bean. going to a party together: daytona sand by orville peck. defending them in a fight: loading zones by kurt vile. confessing their feelings: outside sublime by westerman. (i’ll always be your champion.) sharing a romantic moment: gun-shy by grizzly bear. a tragic turning point: play this when i’m gone by mgk. (i’m gonna kms) heated argument: the chauffeur by warpaint.  goodbyes: cardigan by taylor swift. (WOW!!!!! WOW!!!!!!!!!!!) change of minds: crystalica by lueur verte. the final battle: our house by crosby, stills, nash, & young. reunion: don’t want you to love me by talker. (i went to college w talker, i ❤️ them) happy ending: loose ends by diiv. 

SEND ⚜ FOR A RANDOMIZED PLAYLIST OF OUR MUSES

[foolforharrry]

Strawberries & Memories - Chapter 2 - It's Beautiful Isn't it?

Hi. This is the second chapter of my brand new book. I'm really excited about it and it would mean a lot if you shared it or gave me some feedback on it.

Summary for Strawberries & Memories: Anna went to the Coachella Music Festival to finally see her idol perform in person. Little did she know that would end up changing her life forever in ways she never even dared dream of. But everything comes at a cost.

Chapter index

Chapter 1

I really hope you enjoy this story as much as i enjoy writing it

"You're lying right?"

I shake my head, unable to suppress the massive grin threatening to break out on my face. "I am dead fucking serious, Morgs."

While I wait for her to process, I take in the calming sound of the waves rolling over the sandy beach before retracting back into the ocean again and the warm sun hitting my skin. My sunburnt skin.

I need to start remembering to wear sunscreen when I'm here. Or anywhere with sun and the danger of getting sunburnt.

I did my best to avoid getting sand in my shoes, but the second I stepped onto the beach, that game was lost. Under normal circumstances, I would have been grumpy and frustrated about it until I was back

"You're telling me that the man you've been drooling over since you were a teenager invited you out for drinks...and you said no?" I flinch when she screams the last part, grimacing at the unnecessarily loud volume.

"Jeez. Calm down please.", I plead, deciding to just sit down in the sand. My phone is in my tote bag, probably getting the screen in worse condition than it already is as Morgan keeps scolding me for being responsible and not going out with someone who's virtually a stranger.

"...finally getting some action. You know if you keep not taking opportunities like these, then you're going to end up being the grumpy cat lady who is mean to everyone but her cats."

"At least I would be the cool aunt to your kids.", I point out, expecting her to argue it. But instead, she changes the topic, "So since you obviously weren't busy with a man these last two days I haven't heard from you. What were you doing?"

"I've been getting busy with my laptop."

Margot giggles, "I hope you hear how sad that sounds, Anna. You're in LA and you're couped up in a café and your hotel room with your laptop instead of doing something you can't do back home."

I know she's right. But there isn't a lot I can do about it. When inspiration strikes, I have to use it. Because there is very little that compares to when the block finally eases up and everything you've wanted to get out just flows out just the way you want it to.

"I am outside now. And not at a café. To socialise.", I defend my life choices even though I know she isn't going to change her mind. She rarely ever does.

It's one of the things I love most about her.

"Whatever you say, baby." Morgan doesn't sound convinced at all. "I gotta go. I've got a hot date waiting for me."

"You better tell me all about them when I get home tomorrow night."

We say our goodbyes rather quickly. The second she hangs up; Spotify resumes my playlist. It has an instant calm wash over me when the familiar melody to 'Night Changes' starts. The same way the water does the beach.

I've always had a love for music in general. Not just because music is something truly and undeniably beautiful. It's also the ability it has to make me go from devastatingly sad to dancing with joy in a beat. And vice versa. Or the way it can transport you back to a moment you've tied to the song so effortlessly you don't even notice it until the memory is playing like a movie in your head.

It still feels surreal that I've met the man who's written a lot of the songs that gave me the strength to keep clawing myself back off the edge when all I'd wanted to do was let go.

I'm honestly convinced I had a stroke at some point and these past few days are just a figment of my own imagination while my body is in a coma somewhere. And I have a tube stuffed down my throat and the doctors have decided I'm brain dead and they're about to pull the plug so all my organs can be donated to the dumpsters.

If against all odds, that's not the case, then the last two days I've done a few things.

1. I've found a new favourite café to sit and write at. It has the cutest little stuffed bunnies everywhere and little cookies shaped like seals.

2. I have written at the café.

3. I have talked to Harry Styles.

I still don't fully understand what possessed Harry to actually DM me instead of just unfollowing me the second I left on Saturday. But he did. And I can't say that I have been complaining about it.

I have learnt two things about him.

1. He is genuinely funny.

2. He is also clinically insane.

He would have to be for asking me to meet him. Again.

I threw my phone across the room when the words 'would you want to meet' were in the grey bubble on my screen. From him. I might also have screamed as if I was dying, but that's beside the point.

And what else could I answer him with but, 'Are you on drugs right now?'. And I stand by that. What else was I supposed to say? Something normal?

Like, just say no? Probably would've been the best thing for me to say considering I'm not even half as stable as a normal person should be. But after Harry assured me that he was 100% not on any kind of drugs and promised no one had a gun to his or his loved ones' head, we agreed that he would pick me up here.

I still don't know what or why he wants to see me again, but it's too late to talk myself out of it now.

He told me to meet him here at 3. And looking at the time right now, it's in two minutes.

I'm never on time, but I am for sure not going to be late when I am meeting him.

"Ok, Anna. You can do this.", I tell myself, doing my best to focus on the distant sound of the traffic that's almost completely drowned out by the waves.

Almost.

The beach is around a five-minute drive from the highway. I couldn't see any clear point I was supposed to get out of the taxi, so I just told him to drop me off when he was starting to get a little impatient.

I sent Harry a photo of where I settled on getting out of the taxi. So hopefully he manages to find it.

The taxi driver was a sweetheart though. He even asked me if I was sure I wanted to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

With wide eyes, I snap my head towards the sound of the voice. If it had been anyone else, I would've probably jumped out of my skin from someone suddenly sitting down next to me without me noticing until they speak.

I clear my throat, doing the best  I can to push away the nerves that have been bubbling in my stomach ever since I opened my eyes this morning.

Don't say something stupid now.

"Yeah, it is pretty." Ok, that's not the stupidest thing I've ever said. We're good. "Hi."

Harry's smile grows wider, his bunny teeth coming into view as I feel my own smile grow as well.

What can I say? He has an infectious smile.

His curls are mostly pushed back and out of his face by his hands. But a few, short strands have fallen over his forehead and temples despite the comfortable breeze coming from the ocean. The ends of the hair barely brush against his eyelashes. They move every time he blinks.

He must have noticed me staring at it because he lets out a light laugh while pushing the rebel hairs back with the rest, "I forgot to grab my clip, so it keeps falling in my eyes."

"That happens to the best of us. I have a spare hair tie if you want it?", I offer, already rolling it off my wrist. Harry takes it, quickly and skilfully gathering a large section of hair on the top of his head and twisting it around his finger until it's a little ball. That's when he seals it with the hair tie.

"Thank you, Anna." I cock an eyebrow at the way he emphasizes my name. "You're welcome, Harry."

Harry wrinkles his nose a little, his eyebrows scrunching together, "That feels a little weird."

"What's weird?", I ask confused. "No, no, no.", he sits up a little straighter, probably getting more sand on his brown, wide-legged trousers. "I like my name. But all my friends call me H. It's just strange when you say Harry."

I feel like my eyes are about to pop out of my head.

Do. Not. Say something stupid. "You're not allowed to call me A.", I tell him seriously.

I've watched two seasons of Pretty Little Liars. And what I learnt from it is that nothing good ever comes from someone called 'A'. I'm not saying I'm this really great person who only brings good into the world. But at least I don't send encrypted texts and torment a group of teenagers.

"Ok. Deal. I won't call you A and you don't call me Harry." He holds his hand out between us expectantly. His fingers are curled up into a fist apart from his pinkie.

"I might call you Harry. But on very rare occasions." "Deal."

I wrap my own pinkie around his, squeezing it firmly while nodding, "You can't go back on a pinkie promise." "Oh, pinkie promises are holier than marriage, darling."

"Does this mean I'm your friend?", I have to ask to make sure I don't just assume something he doesn't mean. Because he just said his friends call him H. He didn't actually call me his friend. If I just went around thinking we weren't. That would be way too embarrassing. Even for me.

Harry releases the hold his thumb and pointer finger had on his bottom lip, his smile dropping. "Do you not want to be? I- I'm so sorry, Anna. I completely just assumed. But if it makes you more comfortable, we could be sworn enemies or something."

He furrows his eyebrows, scowling at me playfully as if he was actually mad at me while gesturing to his face "I can be angry and scary. Just look at this."

My hand flies up to stifle my mouth to stifle a laugh while he keeps up the 'angry' face. "You look like an angry kitten."

Harry shoves me playfully, "You're a dick." "At least I don't push people.", I roll my eyes at him while brushing off the sand on my left arm from catching myself on the sandy ground.

He points a stern finger at me, "I only push people when they insult my angry face. It is very scary. You've just been around too many scary people to know." He justifies his actions as he stands back up off the ground, stretching his hand out for me to take.

"By scary people do you mean Morgan?", I ask him with a cocked eyebrow. I accept the gesture hesitantly, not fully trusting him not to drop my ass to the ground. He keeps a strong grip on my hand, helping me off the sand with ease as he nods, "She seems pretty terrifying from what you've told me." He doesn't even bat an eye when I thank him with an obnoxiously high voice. He just offers me a soft smile.

If he doesn't run for the hills now, I'll be more surprised than I was when he asked me to meet him here.

"She is pretty great though.", I say softly. Harry hums, "That's great."

He is wearing a white t-shirt with brown and beige stripes tucked into his trousers. It looks immaculate. There should be some kind of law against it to be honest.

I trail after him when he motions for me to follow him.

"So, did you have anything specific in mind. Or did you just plan on walks on the beach and kidnappings?", I ask him after walking in wordlessly for a bit, kind of regretting breaking the serene calm that came from the waves.

If Morgan would be up for it, maybe moving to LA wouldn't be such a bad idea. Or at least to somewhere with beaches like these.

Harry takes a minute, keeping a slow, steady pace as the sand dips beneath our feet. "I was going to ask if you had anything you wanted to do in LA before I suggest anything.", he explains, making a wide grin spread on my face before he adds, "This is your first time here, right?"

I ignore the warm feeling in my stomach from the fact that he remembers that I told him this is my first time in California. Instead, I play it off. "Do you mean at this beach or in Los Angeles in general?"

"Please tell me you're not trying to be funny right now, Anna.", he pleads. "Because that's just sad."

I scoff, pretending to be offended, "It's better than some of the jokes you've come up with." "What do you mean? My jokes are amazing. You just have no humour." Harry turns his nose up and away from me. The sun is making the higher points of his face stand out more and it's getting harder to keep myself serious.

"Sure, H. I'm the one with no humour, Mr. let's start a conversation with the worst pick-up line I've ever heard."

Harry purses his lips, blowing out air in disappointment, "Don't you know that the foundation for every good friendship is a good pick-up line?" I take a second, debating to myself whether or not I should comment on it while also trying not to laugh.

I decide to just agree with him. "Sure, H. Whatever you say. And to answer your question." Harry perks up at that, directing his full attention back to me. "No, I didn't have anything I wanted to do in LA."

"You're fucking with me, right? You go to LA for the first time, and you don't have anything planned other than Coachella?" When I shake my head, Harry walks faster than before, grabbing my forearm to make sure I'm keeping up with him.

I laugh at how much this seems to be bothering him, "I've had a really nice time, though. I've been working. And I'm going home tomorrow anyways."

"If you're leaving tomorrow, we have to get going.", he tells me, changing direction from going straight forward to away from the sealine and to a car parked just where the sand begins.

"Where are we going?"

Harry twists his head to look at me, still nearly speed-walking to his car, "We're going sightseeing."

-

Masterlist

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Monday

Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Thursday (Part 2)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Pairing: SBI x sister!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: swearing, toxic friends, panic spirals/attacks, injury, taking pills for pain

Summary: you have a very bad week, how will you manage? (Characters are fully human, but based on their DSMP characters. High school AU)

Word count: 4,818

(A/N): I’ve never played volleyball or watched Haikyuu before, so I’m not 100% certain how games work. Also, I probs should’ve split this into two parts, but eh.

“(Y/n) love, you look homeless in that sweater, it’s literally so fucking ugly.”

“Haha, yeah it is. I guess I just wasn’t really trying today.”

Adrian snorted, scanning your body with his cold eyes. “Today? You don’t try at all. You always look like trash.”

“More than trash, you always look like you just rolled in dog shit.” Sammy threw her head back and cackled at her own joke.

Your friends around you erupted in laughter as you four walked down the hallways of the hell that was your public high school. You awkwardly chuckled alongside them, you didn’t really find it funny, but you didn’t want to draw more attention towards yourself. 

“Seriously, (y/n), I really don’t know why we still hang out around you anymore. You really let yourself go.”

“Yeah, now that I think about it, you did gain like five pounds in the past week.”

“Really not a good look on you, love. Then again, nothing you do can make you look good anymore.”

You tried to not let their comments get to you, you really did, but sometimes their comments just rooted themselves deep into your subconscious. You didn’t try looking good anymore, you couldn’t wear anything without them criticising it. You could never win. 

“Awe,” Adrien poked your cheeks, “stop looking so sad. We’re just trying to give you advice. You really need it.”

“Yeah, (y/n). You’re so sensitive, get a grip.”

“Guys look, I think she’s gonna cry!” 

You wiped at your welling eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. “I’m not. I just got allergies.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Uh-huh. Anyways, what are our plans for Halloween? We should totally dress up like sexy angels! I think that’d be so cool. Like, Clint’s party won’t be ready for us.”

“Oh, about that Annie…”

“God, what now (y/n)?”

“I was actually planning on spending Halloween night taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating with my brothers and dad. I won’t be able to go with you guys, I’m sorry.”

The group groaned loudly. “C’mon (y/n), you never hang out with us anymore.”

“Oh my god (y/n) you still go trick-or-treating? We’re juniors.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy with my AP classes and studying for the SAT. My team captain’s really been pushing the team hard with volleyball practice. State finals are soon and we want first this year.”

“No matter how much studying you do, you’re gonna fail. You’re stupid, so why try? Just give up and hang out with uuussss.”

“Yeah (y/n),” Adrien looked at you suspiciously, “you’ve been ignoring us lately. I thought we were friends. Do you even wanna be friends anymore?”

You felt a flare of panic flare up in your gut. “I do! I-I just have so much going on right now. It’s starting to get hard to juggle everything.”

“We’re starting to think that you don’t like us anymore, we want our (y/n) back!” Sammy whined. The others agreed with her, making you feel guilty. You were ignoring them, it was selfish in your opinion. You supposed that you could skip out on taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating, there’ll be other years you could take them. 

“I guess I can take Tommy and Tubbo another year. They’d just have to go without me this year.”

They cheered, giving you praise. You beamed at that, they seemed down lately and you loved it when they’d give you compliments. They didn’t do that much, so that made their praise more special to you. You strived to get compliments.

You four went off to your separate first classes for the day. Yours was statistics, a class you’ve been struggling in lately. You didn’t know anybody in there except for your oldest brother Techno, so you tried to stick with him. Unfortunately, the teacher’s seating chart placed you both on opposite ends of the room, probably because of your last names indicating that you’re siblings. You placed your stuff down on the table and plopped down into your seat, already drained. You had a long day ahead of you; you had a major AP world history test in your next class, you had to give a presentation in your AP english class that was worth a quarter of your final grade, and you had a semifinals volleyball match that would last until late in the night. If your team won, you would be going to state finals, so it was a lot of pressure on your shoulders. You were the main setter, so you had to really focus tonight if you were going to score your team points. 

“Alright class, pull out your homework!”

Fuck, you had homework? You looked in your folder, only to see the unfinished sheet full of equations you didn’t understand staring back at you tauntingly. Mr. Mullins walked over to your desk, took one look at your blank homework, and just walked right past you. Another big fat zero in the gradebook for you, just what you needed. At least he wasn’t in the mood to berate you today. You didn’t need any more stress piled onto your shoulders. 

The lesson felt like it dragged on forever with you frantically trying to copy down the notes on the board and trying to understand the content at the same time. Overtime, he would call students up to the board. Hopefully, he would skip over you today. “Ms. Minecraft.” Goddamn it, you spoke too soon.

Your head perked up and you looked at him. “Yes sir?”

“Come up to the board and solve this.”

Gulping, you felt panic rise up in you and stood up with shaky knees. On the board was part of the newer content he was just teaching. Something that you understood only a little bit better than the rest, and that’s not saying much. You still didn’t understand the content completely. Your writing was shaky as you wrote what you thought was right on the board. Finding the answer, you circled it and looked at Mr. Mullins. He looked disappointed. 

“That’s wrong, Ms. Minecraft. Please sit down.”

You felt like your face was on fire as you saw the entire class burning holes into you with their eyes. Though they looked dead inside, as per usual with any morning class full of tired teenagers, their effects still took hold on you. You wanted to crawl into a dark hole and die. You sat back down and stared at your note packet, you couldn’t focus on the lecture anymore. Your attention was fully on your surroundings, you were hyper aware of every little whisper and bouncing leg in your peripheral vision. You could feel yourself spiraling, usually that wouldn’t happen until after your third class. Today was going to be rough. 

The loud chime of the bell startled you out of your thoughts. You shakily put your papers back into your binder and put the binder back into your backpack. Right as you were about to walk through the door, you heard Techno catch up to you. “Hey, you good?”

“Yeah Tech, I’m just peachy.”

“Are you su-”

“Technoblade. I’m fine. Now if you excuse me, I have to get to my next class. I have an important presentation I’ve gotta prepare for.”

Without giving him any room to argue, you rushed off to your english class. You had Adrian and Annie in your class. For your presentation, you were paired up with people that you hardly knew. At least they did their part in the project, you were certain you were going to die if you got paired up with Adrian and Annie again. You loved them, but they never did any part of their portion of work. They left it to you to finish at midnight the day the project was due. To be fair, they both told you they had family emergencies, so you covered for them just that once. 

You pulled out your flashcards only to have them knocked out of your hand when someone bumped into you. You quickly crouched to pick them up so you could have them in order by time class started. “Oops, sorry love.”

It was Annie. She and Adrian towered over your crouched form smirking at you. Looking back down to rearrange your cards, you murmured “it’s ok.”

“Are you ready for this presentation, I know I am.”

You smiled a little. “Actually, I think I’m going to ace this. English is my best subject.”

“Yeah (y/n), I wasn’t asking you. I was talking to Annie. Besides, you’re probably going to fail this.” Adrian scoffed. 

“Thank you for asking, Adrian,” Annie shot a pointed look at you, “at least someone cares.”

The bell rang, signifying the start of your second block. You felt like you had a lump in your throat blocking your breathing. If Adrian, one of the smartest kids in your english class, said that you were going to fail, then you probably were going to fail. That would take a huge hit on your grade, this project was worth a quarter of your final grade after all. You were zoned out for the entirety of your classmate’s presentations putting yourself into a spiral. You jumped when Mr. Todd, your teacher, called your group up to present.

You stood stiffly in the middle of your two groupmates and clutched your flashcards with clammy hands. Luckily, your part of the presentation was not first. When it came to your part, you were stuttering and tumbling over your words. You even dropped your flashcards in front of everybody, causing half the class to snicker. Your face burned as you hurried to pick them up and your other groupmate took this as a signal to continue the presentation. You still had an important point to make that was integral for the set up to your other groupmate’s part of her presentation. You stared at your flashcards for the rest of the presentation. 

When the bell rang, you made a mad dash out of the classroom. You didn’t want to talk to anybody, especially not Adrian or Annie. It was a relief that you had your lunch period at the moment. You could hide yourself in the bathroom nobody used and let your panic attack ride itself out. 

You ducked inside a stall and sat on the toilet, bringing your knees up to bury your face in them. The tears and panic you were holding in all day let itself out with explosive effects. You started to hyperventilate as you muffled your sobs with your knee. Your chest painfully clenched so you couldn’t breathe. Your limbs felt like they weighed two tons each and they were shaking intensely. You didn’t hear the end of the lunch bell ring. By the time you calmed down slightly, you were five minutes late to AP world history. 

You packed your stuff up in a hurry, power walking through the halls. You probably looked like shit, but you didn’t care, you had a class to get to and a test that you probably wouldn’t be able to finish now. You lost ten minutes of your test time. When you tried to open the closed door, you found that it was locked. You had to knock if you wanted to get in. You raised a shaking hand to knock, but the door was opened by a less-than-impressed Ms. Osborne. She ushered you to your desk and gave you your unit test. 

You couldn’t focus. The multiple choice section was usually a breeze to you, but you couldn’t comprehend any of the questions. When you could comprehend them, you couldn’t concentrate on choosing an answer. You did your best to find the correct answers, but you were almost positive that at least half of them were wrong. Your handwriting was nearly incomprehensible and your essay topic was something you didn’t study for. When you were done with half of the body paragraphs, the bell rang and you had to turn in your unfinished test. 

You had your independent online psychology course next in the library. You usually worked alone secluded in a corner deep inside the library where nobody went. You would get some solace in being alone. Maybe you’d calm down enough so that you could ride home with your brothers and not go for a long walk so you could avoid them. 

You settled down in the comfortable chair and pulled out your laptop to get started. Psychology was your favorite class. It was easy for you to understand, it didn’t have much of a workload attached to it, and it was fun to learn about. It always calmed you down reading about the intricate workings of the brain. 

By time the day was over, you got most of your psychology work done and you were on your way to the car you shared with Technoblade and Wilbur. You took out your spare keys and slumped against the window in the backseat. You were absolutely drained after your terrible day and you still felt panic swirling deep within you, waiting for the right moment to strike. 

You stretched out your legs across the seat and leaned your back against the door. For the first time that day, you felt peaceful. You still had at least fifteen minutes to yourself until your brothers would start to make your way to the car. You felt the panic subside slightly and you fully relaxed. You closed your eyes and let yourself drift off into a light sleep. You needed your energy for tonight’s match. 

The door you were leaning on swung open and you tumbled backwards smacking the back of your head against the metal frame of the car and reverse scorpioning onto the pavement. Your entire upper back and the back of your head exploded in pain and your lower back hurt slightly from having your back bent uncomfortably. You heard laughter above you as you felt tears of pain start to slip out of your eyes. Your legs swung out from their place above your face and landed on the ground with a painful thump. 

You saw three blurry figures above you laughing at your pain. You reached up with a shaky hand to wipe at your tears and saw Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. They were cackling as you shakily stood up and sat on the comfortable seats of the car. You waited patiently for them to calm down. 

Eventually, Sammy calmed down enough to explain what happened to you through chuckles. “I’m sorry (y/n), it was just too good to resist. You should’ve seen your face.”

She and the others broke back into uncontrolled laughter as they remembered your embarrassing fall. You were used to their antics, and quite frankly it felt good to make your friends laugh, even if it were at your own expense. Just as they were calming down once again, you saw Wilbur and Techno walk out the front doors of the school laughing at something the other said. Annie and Sammy heard their laughter and quickly turned around to watch them. They had massive crushes on both of your brothers, many in the school did. 

Your brothers made their way to your shared car and stopped to look at you in slight confusion. “(Y/n), were you crying? What happened?” Wilbur asked worriedly. 

“Yea-”

“Oh Wilbur, it was terrible, (y/n) fell out of the car. I don’t think she closed the door before she leaned on it.” Annie interrupted you with a faked concerned tone, a complete contradiction to her reaction before your brothers came.

Techno hastily made his way to the driver’s side door. “Well, if she’s hurt we better get going, right Wilbur?”

“Yes! We better get going, please excuse us.” He sat in the passenger seat and closed the door without hearing Sammy and Annie’s desperate attempts to stop them so they could talk to them. Your brothers thought Sammy and Annie were annoying. They absolutely hated being around them. 

Waving apologetically at your friends, you pulled yourself into the car and closed the door. Annie and Sammy looked offended that you had let Wilbur and Techno get away from them. Avoiding their eyes, you looked down at your tightly clasped hands. They were shaking slightly. 

After pulling out of the parking lot, Techno glanced at you from the rearview mirror. “You ok (y/n)?”

“Yeah, my back just hurts and I have a headache.”

“Well, do you wanna go and get some ice cream? We still have some time left before we have to pick up Tommy and Tubbo. Dad doesn’t have to know,” Wilbur asked you.

You sighed, you wanted nothing other than to take a nap before your match. “Sorry, but I need to watch what I eat today. We have semifinals tonight and I can’t have anything sugary. I just wanna go home and take a nap.”

Your brothers were quiet for the rest of the car ride until you reached your driveway. Techno twisted his body around in his seat to look at you after he put the car in park. “Did you actually fall out of the car?”

Shit, should you tell him the truth? If you did, they would almost certainly get mad at your friends. Sammy and Annie would never forgive you if you turned your brothers against them. You decided that you would take one for the team again. “Yeah, I wasn’t paying attention.” 

Techno snorted. “Well, that was stupid,” he jokingly said. “Next time you’re gonna get run over by a parked car.”

You knew that he meant that as a joke, but it still stung. Stamping your emotions down, you laughed with him and Wilbur. It was stupid of you to do, you shouldn’t have let your guard down if you weren’t at home. 

You winced as you slung your bag on your back and walked the best you could back into your house. Your upper back was killing you. You made a beeline to the bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet looking for some pain relief pills. You took some and shambled off to your room to take your well earned nap. You set your alarm’s setting to its loudest volume and passed out. 

You jolted up and gasped when you felt a wave of pain hit your upper back. You blearily looked at the time. You had a little under two hours before you had to get back to the school for your match. You groaned when you pulled yourself up, your head pounding with every turn. You pulled yourself out of bed and once again took some pain pills. You went downstairs to grab an apple or something to eat. Your dad was at the stove stirring something around in a pot. 

He turned to look at you with an excited smile. “You ready for your match tonight? You’re gonna kill it!” 

You only nodded halfheartedly and plopped yourself down at the table with your apple. Philza frowned at your lack of enthusiasm, but he figured that it was just because you just woke up from a nap. You’d bounce back eventually. 

“Wilbur told me that you fell out of the car? How’d you do that?”

You shrugged, wincing slightly as it moved your back slightly. “Dunno, must’ve not closed the door.”

Philza was at your side in a hurry, his hands hovering over your shoulders. “Did you get hurt? Show me where it hurts.”

“My back and the back of my head.”

“Can I move your shirt so I could look?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

You felt him gently pull the neck of your t-shirt away from your body to peek at your back. You heard his breath hitch as he looked. Was it that bad? “Good god (y/n),” he breathed out.

“What, is it bad?”

“Don’t you feel how bad it is? Your entire back is bruised. I think there’s some blood too.”

“Damn.”

“First, language. Second, that’s all you have to say? Aren’t you in pain?”

“Yeah, but the pain pills are gonna kick in soon. I’ll be fine.”

“Would you be able to play tonight? I really think you should sit this one out.”

“No, I’m playing tonight Dad.”

“(Y/n),” oh no, he was using his stern dad voice. “It’s not a good idea to play tonight. You’re hurt, I’m sure they’ll understand if you sit this one out.”

You felt frustration rise up in you. “We’re in the semifinals. They need me, I’m the main setter. They’d lose without me playing.”

“(Y/n), I’m serious. You’re not playing today.”

“Dad, I am playing today. Look, I’ll talk to Coach Williams to see if I could be rotated out more often. I know she’d let me.”

He stared at you for a while before sighing. He knew there was no convincing you. “...Fine. But you better talk to Coach Williams about sitting out for a bit if your back hurts too much or I swear I’ll drag you off the court myself.”

You smiled a little at the small victory. “Thank you! I promise I’ll sit out if needed.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “If needed?”

You sighed, “when needed.”

He walked over to the pot, stirring the contents slightly. “That’s better. Dinner’s almost ready, I made some pasta.”

“It smells good, but I think I’m skipping out on it for today. I already ate this apple and if I eat any more I’ll probably hurl on the court.”

He made a displeased noise in the back of his throat, “fine, but you’re eating something when we get home tonight.”

He walked off to go get your brothers and Tubbo for dinner. You could hear their booming steps racing down the stairs towards the kitchen. They raced into the kitchen and almost crashed into the back of your chair. You stood up and looked at the two excitable fifth graders. “Careful boys, don’t want you getting hurt.”

“You’re no fun (y/n),” Tommy whined.

“Sure, sorry bout that,” Tubbo beamed at you.

You chuckled, making your way upstairs to get ready for your match. You took off your clothes with great difficulty and slipped on your jersey and your spandex shorts. They were way too short for your tastes, but you couldn’t wear longer ones, they’d just get in the way. You fondly remembered how your dad flipped out when he first saw you in them, he hated them with a burning passion. He still hates how short they are.

When you were struggling with pulling your hair back into a tight, sleek ponytail, the back of your head throbbed continuously with pain. You most likely bruised your scalp. 

You slipped on your shoes that were made specifically for playing volleyball and headed downstairs. You were met with Tommy and Tubbo jumping in excitement seeing you in your uniform. They loved going to your matches, even if they would always pass out in the car after them because matches usually ended late at night. You grabbed your dad’s keys and headed to his car. Before you could lead the boys out the door, Philza’s voice stopped you.

“(Y/n), coat.”

You huffed, grabbing your coat and putting it on before tossing him his keys. You four got into the car and set out for the high school. The short drive was filled with Tommy and Tubbo asking you questions about volleyball and encouraging you. “(Y/n), you’re gonna kick their butts!”

“Yeah!” Tubbo cheered 

Despite their voices causing a spike of pain to shoot throughout your head, you laughed at their enthusiasm. It was always nice to hear your little brother and pseudo brother in the stands cheering you on, they were your and your team’s personal cheerleaders. 

Not long after you got to the school, you were stretching with your team on the gym’s floor. Your posse found their way into the stands, sitting in the front row. The away team watched your team like a hawk, analysing every single player for any weakness. It was because of them that you tried to not show any pain when you moved your back. You talked to Coach Williams before the team stretch and she was obviously sympathetic with your situation. She agreed to switching you out with the standby setter every few rotations. 

The echo of the whistles caused pain to ring in your head every time someone scored or a foul was called. Your team captain, Haley, was constantly, yet discreetly checking on you throughout the game since she was always next to you. She was the team’s main spiker after all. 

The game droned on and on before you realized that the opposing team was targeting you when they were offensive. They probably realized that you were injured a round ago. You tried your best to block every ball that was sent your way, but a few managed to slip past you when you couldn’t move fast enough. This team was good, but your team was better. 

The score during the final round was tied and the clock was on it’s last ten seconds as the ball soared your way. You dove to hit it, landing on your shoulder on the hard floor and hitting it up high enough for Haley to spike the ball down. The crowd went wild as the ball bounced off from the opposite end of the court almost simultaneously with the screeching of the referee’s whistle, signifying the end of the game and your team’s victory.

You laid on the floor in pain, you thought you must’ve pulled your tender muscles in your back and shoulder. It hurt to move it. You felt one of your teammates grab your hand to yank you up into a giant full team group hug. You yelped slightly in pain as you felt arms press against your back and hands firmly patting your bruised shoulders. You were whisked away into the locker room to change into the pajamas you brought with you. 

“(Y/n), are you alright? That was a pretty hard fall.” Haley’s soft voice asked you. You felt your heart sing in your chest. 

“Yeah Hales, I’m fine. I just pulled a few muscles.”

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows furrowed together, “are you sure? As your team captain and your friend, I’m worried about you.”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. You felt warm knowing that she cared about you. “I’m sure, worrywart.”

She rolled her eyes playfully and breathed out a soft laugh. “Sorry for asking, grump.” Her laugh sounded like music to your ears. 

Your phone vibrated in your pajama pocket, alerting you of your family waiting for you in the car and for you to hurry up. You sighed, “sorry Hales, I gotta go. Dad’s getting impatient.” 

She gave you a small smile. “Oh, well, tell your family I said hi! Good work on the court today, I wouldn’t ask for a different setter.”

You felt your cheeks warm up and you watched with wide eyes as she left the locker room. Your phone vibrated again, your dad was really starting to get impatient. 

You walked out of the school as fast as you could to find your dad’s car waiting for you up front. Jumping in and softly closing the passenger side door, you slumped against the window. “(Y/n),” Tommy’s tired voice slurred. “That. Was. Pog…”

You glanced back to see him and Tubbo snoring away in their seats. Your match was more exciting than usual, so that must’ve really tired them out. You chuckled, turning back around to lean against the window. You took care not to put any weight on your shoulder or back. 

“(Y/n), you were amazing out there, but why did you dive for that ball? That fall looked like it hurt.”

You hummed tiredly, “thanks Dad. I just did what I thought would win us the game. We’re going to finals!” You quietly sang. 

“Did you hurt your shoulder?”

“I actually don’t know, but I think I might’ve pulled a few muscles. Nothing too bad.”

“...I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for you tomorrow morning during your first and second blocks. I want you to get your back, shoulder, and head looked at. You looked miserable the entire match.”

You sighed, too tired to argue, “mmk.”

He chuckled before the car fell into a comfortable silence. The gentle bouncing of the car and the subtle hum of the engine was lulling you to sleep. Your eyelids were drooping by the time you pulled into your driveway. 

You drug yourself out of the car and into the house, leaving Philza with the sleeping boys. You walked straight to your room and plopped down on your bed, passing out instantly for the second time that day.

Series taglist (comment if you want to be added):

[achillieus]

we’re fools (bucky barnes x reader)

summary: for all bucky barnes knows, he hates clichés. and this thing between you two, happens to be the biggest one.

(enemies to lovers trope or i watched the society on netflix recently and based this entirely on harry bingham and cassandra pressman)

pairing: college au!bucky x reader

warnings: alcohol, a lot of sexual references, but also a lot of fluff, bucky and reader are in love, also bucky gets cheesy and he hates it

(other parts)  (masterlist)

part 3/3:

Bucky thinks he fell in love on a Tuesday.

“This year, I’m gonna ask Peggy Carter out.” It’s the first day of their third semester and Steve is putting his black baseball cap in his perfect hair, checking his reflection on his phone screen. One of the freshman girls winks at him and he shyly half smiles.

Usually, Bucky would tease him about it, but now he’s attention is wholly on something else. Someone else.

A girl at the other end of the hall, holding a paper juice box, wearing a gaudy denim dress that stops right before her knees.

He’s certain he hasn’t seen her before and judging by the adrift look on her face he deduces she’s in her first year. Is she pretty? He can’t decide. She’s definitely something. And if he stares at her a bit longer than socially acceptable, well let’s say, it’s completely unintended.

“Buck, did you hear what I said?” Steve says at one point and Bucky isn’t sure for how long he has been lost in her figure.

“Yeah sure.” The girl starts walking at their direction -it must be your lucky day, Bucky-, clutching the golden heart jewel around her neck. She’s looking at the doors, she’s looking at the big campus map they have on the wall. She’s looking everywhere but at him and it’s almost offensive considering the amount of time he spent looking at her.

“I’m sorry,” And then she’s there standing a few steps behind Steve. Almost hidden behind his colossal demeanor. “I can’t seem to find the Admission Office.”

A small nervous laugh escapes her lips and Bucky watches the little wrinkles around her eyes, the subtle blush on her cheeks. She doesn’t look pretty. No. She looks consuming.

“Admission office is on the left, doll”. He replies a little too fast. He had to beat Steve. He had to talk to her.

She smiles at him and somehow, along that smile, Bucky thinks he fell in love. With you.

-

(bucky barnes has been in love with you for 563 days)

-

“Did you just kiss me?”

His voice is barely a whisper and his vision is blurry and it’s weird because suddenly he realizes how scared he’s of you. Of the power you have on him. An alarming craving. Every addiction he can’t control combined. Bucky isn’t afraid of many things, not exactly. But he’s afraid that you’ll take his heart and break it, if you want to. And he’s more afraid that he’ll just allow you to. He wonders, for the split of a second, if you have any idea how everything changed when your lips met his. How something inside of him shifted.

“I’m sorry,” You finally answer and he needs a moment to compose himself, “I’m so sorry I just thought-”

“Shut up, I’d died if you hadn’t kissed me.”

“What?”

It’s innocent and terribly oblivious, the way you ask him that and he half smiles, almost touches your palm before his mind stops racing. Ignores the alcohol in his body. Reminds him that he’s Bucky Barnes, that he’s clever and brilliant and a little bit narcissistic and that he doesn’t do love.  Not anymore. And that people adore him for that. And that he needs to uphold it. At least try to.

“I’m not repeating that soppy thing I said,” He drawls and smirks, his teeth gleaming in the fluorescent light of the hall. He has his mask back on. He’s playing his part again. And then he takes a quick step, opens his door and turns around, swift motions and hard grips and suddenly your spine hits the walls of his room. “But you can repeat that sexy thing you did with your tongue.”

Bucky isn’t stupid. He knows he’d perish and wither in a blast if you asked him to, yet he would never admit that. At least not so fast. And specially not to you. He has built his persona so carefully, wore it like an armor, it has become a second skin.

His chapped lips scratch soft against your neck, his hands play with the end of your dress and you observe the way his orbs are colored darker now. He knows what he’s doing. It’s a show he’s practiced. His touch is sharp, like a razor, cuts through your epidermis, comes close to your veins and the muscles of your heart.

And you’re ready to close your eyes, savor every minute of it, offer yourself like an altar and let him wipe the rationality out of you, but the moment his fingers find the wet silk between your legs there’s pain and your throat dries out instantly.

“Bucky, wait.”

“What’s wrong doll?”

“Can we stop?”

There’s the cruel split of a moment where the anxiety inside of you flares up dangerously and you fill like on the edge of a cliff, like falling and it’s horrible. And then you see his body relax, breathing a sigh of relief and laughing.

“Thank God you asked.”

“Barnes,” you hit him with your elbow, “You’re doing wonders for my self esteem right now!”

“You’re an idiot,” he replies with a grimace, “It’s just that I’m drunk and I prefer if I’m not drunk when we have sex. I want to remember the whole thing.”

A strange sensation tingles somewhere between your ribs and your stomach, something so pure and new, and it raises goosebumps all over you. And you smile at him.

And somehow along that smile, Bucky’s mask starts to fall.

/

Bucky Barnes, you learnt within your first month in college, is a year older than you, a proud boy that always asks the right questions and always gives the right answers, with charms and wits of a living god.

Bucky Barnes, you learnt the night you kissed him in the narrow aisle, may have a sharp tongue but he also has the sweetest lips, soft and liqueur like.

Bucky Barnes, you learn some days later, doesn’t want many people to know about you two, and sits three tables away during lunch.

/

“Are you embarrassed of me?”

Your mind is racing with dozens of hurtful possibilities, some more or less, and Bucky looks at you, eyes widen and surprised.

“Why would I be embarrassed of you?”

“I don’t know,” you take the tea cup in your hands, drink and stay silent for a while, observe the way he’s fidgeting with his fingers, “Why else would you avoid me whenever there’s someone else but Sam around?”

It takes some time before he walks closer, sits next to you by his bedframe and touches your hand, your skin freezing under his.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

Your heart almost stops, because Bucky is never scared, and his answer feels strangely heavy and bitter from his lips when he says, “I just don’t want anyone to ruin this.”

He doesn’t smile, doesn’t even smirk like he usually does, just stares at you with narrow eyes and a quick breath.

“Bucky, I hate it to break it to you,” you say, a glint of amusement in your voice, “But I don’t think others care that much about us.”

You cup his face in your hands, guide him backwards, his back hitting the pillow and it’s the first time he has no choice but to comply.

“And even if they do,” you breath in, wet your lips and tease the corner of his mouth with your finger, “It’s not our problem.”

Bucky grabs the back of your neck, shifts even closer to you, his heart not missing a beat. And when you kiss him, he smiles. And somehow along that smile, Bucky becomes more of himself.

/

It goes like this;

People read it in his eyes. How his gaze never leaves you even while you’re writing a test and he needs to concentrate, how he looks mesmerized when you braid your hair while scanning the textbook in front of you. How he could find you even in the middle of the biggest crowd.

People see it in your reactions. How your fingers always wrap around his wrist, almost instinctively, before he leaves, and you kiss him one time on the lips, and then one more on the cheek. How your voice changes as soon as he enters the room. How you’d know he’s here even without looking.

You really have to try to be oblivious to love.

/

(text messages between classes)

(10:26 AM) bucky: hey does taylor swift have to be playing in the background when we have sex

(10:27 AM) you: it’s not even noon bucky what the hell

(10:27 AM) bucky: i went through your spotify and APPARENTLY you have a  “🍆🍆🍆” playlist

(10:27 AM) bucky: and it’s just taylor swift and hozier???

(10:27 AM) bucky: who the hell wants to have sex with a taylor swift song playing

(10:28 AM) you: I’m gonna kill you

(10:28 AM) bucky: nah <3

/

It’s surprisingly easy, dating Bucky Barnes, and by the end of the first month, you feel at home, at ease.  He talks a lot, way more than you expected him to, he shares his favorites, the way he always underlines quotes he likes in the books he’s reading or how he never eats anything that has soy in it. He shows you everything about him, not just who he is, but who he’s ever been. And it’s beautiful.

And you observe how he breathes easier now, smiles more. He doesn’t keep his guard up, doesn’t flinch when nobody’s looking at him.

/

He thinks it’s weird.

He thinks it’s weird, because kissing has always been an act of foreplay to him and he never paid much attention, but now, with you, he could spend his whole life kissing you.

But when you start pulling at the buttons of his black expensive shirt, well, it’s not like he’s complaining. He presses his body against yours, his hands almost shaking, his fingers burying in your hair, slowly tugging.

“Bucky,” You breath in his neck, “I may be bad at this.”

“What?” He whispers as he leaves wet trails all the way to your chest.

“I haven’t done this before, so I may be bad at it.”

He stares right at your lips, notices your sweet cherry scent mixing with the sharp notes of his aftershave, touches the spot under your eyes and smiles.

“Guess we’ll have to do it over and over again then.” He’s half laughing, half kissing your shoulder and you can feel your cheeks flush and your entire being tighten.

And then his cold fingertips draw circles on your inner thighs and you close your eyes, and Bucky forgets how to breath.

/

“I probably sound like a fool but, I’m in love with you.”

You didn’t plan on saying it that early, but he’s here, warm and glistening and in your arms and you can’t go another minute without hearing the words out loud.

“And I probably sound competitive but, I’ve been in love with you since God knows when.”

/

(AH IT’S FINISHED BUT YAY THEY’RE IN LOVE)

tagging: @tonystankschild @osterfieldshollandgirl​ @roguesthetic @buckyjms​ @ohladymacbeth​

[antebunny]

Parent Trap AU

...with a side of on-the-run hacker!wwx AU, and celebrity!lwj AU. Full series here.

-

In the end, all the chaos starts because Lan Jingyi gets offended.

“What do you mean you haven’t heard of my uncle?” Lan Jingyi demands. 

He glares down at Wei Sizhui from the top bunk. Lan Jingyi and the other two boys in Wei Sizhui’s cabin got into a fight over who would get the top bunks, and after several heated rounds of rock-paper-scissors, they went to Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen.

“Stop shouting!” Jin Rulan yells from the other side of the room. He yanks his headphones off and directs his own glare at Lan Jingyi, who scowls back.

“He said he hasn’t heard of Hanguang-jun!” Lan Jingyi yells right back.

Jin Rulan frowns. “The singer? So?”

“I’m sorry,” Wei Sizhui interrupts, before they can get into a fight. “My dad and I travel a lot, so I’ve never stuck around in one place long enough…”

Lan Jingyi frowns, this time with suspicion. “What does your dad do?”

“Uh.”

He’s a genius-level hacker wanted for a felony he didn’t commit and he’s been on the run from at least two organizations for the past nine years.

“…He’s a computer engineer.”

“Really?” Ouyang Zizhen perks up from his top bunk. Wei Sizhui knows vaguely that he likes graphic design. “That’s so cool.”

Wei Sizhui smiles weakly. “Yeah. Um.” He tries not to panic thinking about what to say if anyone asks him any more questions about his dad’s job.

Lan Jingyi flounders for only a second. “Still,” he insists. “You guys have heard of him, right?” When Jin Rulan and Ouyang Zizhen both nod, he points his iPhone victoriously at Wei Sizhui. “See?! He’s famous!”

Wei Sizhui shrugs helplessly. He doesn’t know why he hasn’t heard of Hanguang-jun. He suspects that it’s because he moves around so much, he’s never really had the chance to make friends, so all the music he knows is the music his dad listens to. Wei Sizhui knows his dad is doing his best, but sometimes it’s unbearably lonely.

Which is why he’s at this summer camp in the first place. His dad pulled a lot of strings (read: committed a lot of forgery) so that he could make friends. And now it seems he’s already made a mistake in not knowing Lan Jingyi’s (“Well, he’s not really my uncle, but we’re related…somehow”) uncle. 

“But you’ve at least heard his songs,” Lan Jingyi insists. “Like, uh.” He clears his throat, then shoots a look at Jin Rulan, cheeks flushing. “Our Vow? Water Under The Bridge? I Promise? Someone Like You? At First Sight?” He shakes his head in disappointment when Wei Sizhui just continues staring at him blankly. 

“Wait, I’m pulling it up on Spotify,” Ouyang Zizhen chimes in. He rolls over onto his stomach and fishes his phone out of his pocket.

“I can’t believe this,” Lan Jingyi says, still shaking his head. “You’ve at least heard the chorus of Under Moonlight. There’s no way you haven’t.” He clears his throat again, and then clearly chickens out again.

“Go ahead, sing it,” Jin Rulan says, smirking.

Lan Jingyi glares at him, then a thought brightens his face. “Maybe you’ll recognize him!” He whips out his phone and starts typing furiously.

Wei Sizhui opens his mouth to protest, seeing no reason why he would recognize the singer’s face but not their voice, but he’s too late. Lan Jingyi is already clambering down the ladder, and proudly presenting the Google Image results for “Hanguang-jun.” Then Wei Sizhui’s mouth, despite not being closed, really falls open.

“I know him,” he blurts.

“So you do recognize him,” Lan Jingyi says, pleased.

“No, I…” Wei Sizhui stutters. 

Now it’s his turn to fumble for his phone. He opens Photos and taps on Albums, then opens Favorites. At the top, timestapped April 5, 2010, is one of the only photos Wei Sizhui has of his dad. His dad hates being caught on camera, for obvious reasons. Still, Wei Sizhui doesn’t hesitate to open the photo and show it to Lan Jingyi.

Lan Jingyi cranes his neck to peer over Wei Sizhui’s shoulder, and his mouth falls open too.

The photo is a still image of two people. On the left is Wei Wuxian, Wei Sizhui’s adopted dad. He’s dressed in a sharp black suit, a red flower tucked into the right breast pocket. He’s throwing up peace signs for the camera. His arms are draped around the other person from behind, and his smile is blinding. 

The other person is clearly Lan Jingyi’s uncle, Hanguang-jun. The man has the same striking face, the same light brown eyes. He’s dressed in an all-white suit, save for the light blue flower tucked similarly into a pocket. He has the same ribbon wrapped around his wrist. The main difference between the Google Images that Lan Jingyi pulled up and the photo that Wei Sizhui has is that in Sizhui’s, Hanguang-jun is smiling softly.

It’s a wedding photo.

“No way,” Lan Jingyi breathes. “I recognize that guy! My uncle carries around a picture of him in his wallet!”

“Wait, really?” Jin Rulan perks up at this bit of drama, taking his headphones off completely. 

Ouyang Zizhen also perks up, abandoning his quest to find Hanguang-jun’s music. He slides down his ladder, colliding with Jin Rulan’s attempts to get out of his bed. After minimal cursing, both boys make their way to Wei Sizhui’s bed, where Lan Jingyi is still gaping at the photo.

“Wait, that really is Hanguang-jun,” Ouyang Zizhen says. “I guess your dad met him, Sizhui?”

“Oh my god,” Jin Rulan says at the same time. “That’s my uncle.”

This time Jin Rulan is the one to pull out his phone. He scrolls through his videos until he gets to the very beginning, narrating as he goes. “It’s the only video I have of my uncle,” he explains. “My uncle–I mean, my mom’s other brother–doesn’t like to talk about him, because he went to jail like a decade ago–”

At this, Wei Sizhui winces, suddenly remembering why he’s not supposed to talk about his dad with other people. 

“–But my mom does, and she sent this to me,” Jin Rulan finishes.

Finally, he finds the right video, and opens it.

The video was filmed on a 2010’s iPhone, so the video quality is poor. Still, the audio is clear enough when the camera is turned around to view the filmer. The man taking the video has a half-fond, half-exasperated scowl on his face. He’s wearing a violently purple sweater, under which the collar of a black shirt peeks out.

“He’s going to break his legs before I have a chance to break them for him,” the man says, rolling his eyes. “Look.” 

The camera is flipped around, showcasing a staircase and Wei Wuxian, leaning over the railing. Wei Wuxian looks back and grins at the camera. 

“It’s going to work, just you wait,” Wei Wuxian says. 

“I’m going to watch you break your legs,” the man says again.

“Aw, Jiang Cheng, have a little faith,” Wei Wuxian retorts. He leans over the railing again. “Wait, shh! He’s coming!”

Jiang Cheng dutifully falls silent, as Wei Wuxian leans further and further over the railing. 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian shouts, and then he jumps over the railing.

Jiang Cheng starts running to the stairs, and any and all sounds are drowned out by the background wind noise of the man running. When he stops, he points the camera over the stairs. 

There’s a scattering of books across the hardwood floor, and a man in white, whose face is obscured by Wei Wuxian, held in his arms. Wei Wuxian wraps his arms around the man's neck and twists to look up at the camera. 

“I told you he’d catch me!” Wei Wuxian shouts victoriously.

“You made him drop all his books!” Jiang Cheng shouts back, from behind the camera. 

The camera is flipped back to Jiang Cheng, who’s still rolling his eyes. “Somehow this is my dumbest brother-in-law,” he says. 

“Jiang Cheng, don’t be jealous!” Wei Wuxian shouts from the other floor. “We’ll find you someone one day!”

Jiang Cheng’s face colors purple, and the video ends.

The four boys are silent for a moment.

“So that was Hanguang-jun?” Ouyang Zizhen says, after their moment of silence is over.

“I guess so,” Jin Rulan says. 

“You’re telling me my uncle and your dad were married?” Lan Jingyi demands.

“And he went to jail?” Ouyang Zizhen adds. “Sizhui, what happened there?”

Jin Rulan wrinkles his nose. “Why does your uncle still carry around a photo of him if they split up?”

“Why did they split up?” Lan Jingyi asks. “Was it the jail thing?”

“Seriously, what did he go to jail for?” Ouyang Zizhen asks.

In eerie unison, all three boys put down their phones and look at Wei Sizhui expectantly.

Two weeks into summer camp, and Wei Sizhui has already made his first three friends, and blown his dad’s cover. He’ll be wanted by the FBI after this, for identity forgery, if they aren’t already–Wei Sizhui isn’t entirely clear, and his dad doesn’t clarify.

Wei Sizhui smiles nervously.

“Who did you say your dad was again?” Lan Jingyi asks.

[mercy-burning]

Losing You Twice / 1: If I Hated You

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day weekend, and it turns out Y/N isn’t the only one struggling with the breakup. Category: Smut (18+), Angst Content Warnings: Language, drinking/getting drunk, penetrative/unprotected sex (If I missed anything, please let me know!) Word Count: 5,538

SERIES MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST

“My bedtime is the darkest, that’s when I’m brokenhearted. The nighttime is the hardest. It’d be easy, if I hated you.” —FLETCHER, If I Hated You

FEBRUARY 13th

It was Valentine's Day weekend, which sucked this time around. Every year for the past three years Y/N looked forward to Valentine's Day, but that was when she actually had someone to spend it with.

Well, someone she actually cared about, anyway... Whether or not Spencer actually knew it, she did really care about him. She was just stupid and didn't say it when he needed to hear it the most.

And now Valentine's Day was on Saturday and Y/N was still without him. Not alone, but still without the man who'd spent the significant holiday with her for the past three years. Memories of their dates and 'afterparties' flooded through her mind as she got ready for work like a montage, a cheesy love-song playlist she'd found on Spotify acting as the soundtrack.

Eventually she sighed and turned it off, opting for something more loud and obnoxious, and therefore not tainted by Spencer's memory. She applied what was left of her makeup and added a pair of earrings before turning the music off altogether and shoving her phone in her bag alongside her keys and other necessities.

Even though she wasn't emotionally prepared for all the cheesy Valentine's things she'd see and hear and experience throughout the weekend, it was still kind of nice to see that things in the bank never changed during the holidays— Everything in her life was so severely different at the moment, that if Marjorie had somehow decided to throw out all her elaborate decorations for each holiday, no matter how small, Y/N would have thought the world was truly ending.

Speaking of, she was met with Marjorie's brighter-than-the-sun smile almost immediately once she set her things in the breakroom.

"How's my little macaron this morning?" she chirped, Y/N chuckling slightly at the nickname— She brought macarons from the bakery down the street on her first birthday she spent at the bank, and ever since then, the older woman had adorned her with the namesake.

"She's alright, Marj... Better now that she's seen you..."

"That boy still on your mind, hon?"

Obviously Marjorie's intentions were good, but Y/N couldn't stand to think about the situation at all, least of all at work... So, setting her jacket on the rack, turned away so that her coworker wouldn't see the visible discomfort on her face, Y/N squeezed her eyes shut and cleared her throat. "So, what are your plans with Geno tomorrow night? Anything special?"

There was a brief pause before Marjorie cleared her throat as well. "Nothing short of our usual dinner plans, my dear. He's been so caught up with work at the Mill lately, I think we're just going to spend the night relaxing."

"Hm," Y/N said shortly, finally turning around and giving her the best smile she could. "Maybe I should take a page from your book and stay in..."

"You weren't going to?"

"No... Britt's been nagging me about getting out there so we're going out tomorrow night. We both haven't been single in a long time, so... Should be fun."

Marjorie didn't look convinced. Either way, she nodded with a smile and walked over to Y/N with something glittery and bright red in her hand— A cheap beaded necklace to clip her nametag onto. She draped it over Y/N's neck and patted her shoulders. "Well, I want you to have fun. And remember that you still have to come to work on Monday. Whatever shenanigans you get into should be reserved for Saturday night only so you can rest properly on Sunday, got it?"

Y/N laughed, thankful for the playful tone in Marjorie's voice. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Oh, I joke, I joke," the older woman said with a bright laugh, turning to walk out of the break room. "A little..."

The smile on Y/N's face only really lasted until after Marjorie was out of sight, then she went into her bag and clipped her nametag onto the red beaded necklace with a sigh.

Was she excited to have a good night out with Britt? Of course. Hell, had it been literally any other day of the year, she would have been practically bouncing off the walls with excitement at the idea of going out to a bar, letting men hit on her until she finally let one of them take her back to his place for the night.

But it just felt like it was too soon.

Either way, she was glad that she'd get to see Britt again, after she'd been on vacation for Christmas and New Year's to see her family and only got back a few weeks ago. She'd seen her on Facetime of course, and they met up once for coffee right after Britt got back from her trip, but a well-needed night out and quality time getting ready together was something that had been missing from their friendship for almost a year.

Y/N knew Britt would most likely spend her time trying to hook them up with end-of-the-night dates, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad...

Even still, sleeping alone the night before was probably one of the worst spells of loneliness she'd ever had. It was normal to be sad spending the first Valentine's Day in years away from a significant other, but knowing how things ended between them—bitter and stained with words left unsaid—this time was just... cold.

And that was putting it lightly.

Y/N laid in bed that night, her eyes wide open and staring at the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars that adorned the ceiling. They used to give her comfort, but now they just reminded her of all the nights she'd spend with Spencer, listening to him tell stories about the constellations. They were some of the most peaceful memories she had.

And now those, too—those stars that had grounded her pretty much all her life and reminded her of the better days—were tainted by her inability to properly communicate.

She almost thought about taking them down.

But if she was really going to get over him this time, for good, then she'd have to learn to make new memories with the stars. Even if it was painful. Even if replacing those memories and writing new ones over them absolutely tore her soul to pieces.

And, as if that pain wasn't enough, that night Y/N dreamt of him, making love to her amongst the stars in every galaxy, only to wake up the next morning cold and alone.

FEBRUARY 14th

She promptly decided that she hated his guts.

It was Valentine's Day, Y/N was respectfully buzzed, and courtesy of two beers and four shots of tequila, she'd just deleted Spencer's number from her phone.

"I'm done," she said, waving a hand at Britt and shoving her phone in her purse. "He doesn't deserve my wallowing."

"Yeah!"

Britt was significantly the more drunk of the two, resulting in a fit of giggles after gaining some stares from the people around them at her sudden outburst.

Y/N smiled, finishing off another shot and shaking her head. "We need more!"

"More shots!" Britt hurried off to grab them, leaving her friend behind with a half-drunken smile that also only felt half-genuine.

Sure, she decided she hated Spencer's guts, but her heart didn't exactly agree well with that sentiment. Even after deleting his number from her phone, after downing all that alcohol, her heart still ached.

Y/N knew deep down that getting over him was going to take some time. A lot of time... But maybe one night of distraction would help.

So the shots kept coming, and by the end of the night, Y/N was just about at her limit.

Which was near black-out drunk. And when you're that drunk you tend to make decisions you wouldn't soberly condone.

Britt got into a cab, and she begged Y/N to come with her, but she assured her friend that she had someone to come pick her up. Eventually the cab driver got tired of their inability to decide, and when Y/N told him to go, he did, leaving her alone on the side of the street at 1am.

Unfortunately, it was incredibly cold, and she didn't really have anyone to come pick her up. And that's where the bad decisions started.

Y/N pulled her phone out, a long sigh escaping her as she dialed the number by heart.

Would he even pick up? He hadn't answered any of her calls or texts before, so why would it have been any different now? Not to mention it was Valentine's Day Weekend. With her luck, he was probably in bed with someone else. Someone who wasn't her. As she listened to the dial tone repeating in her ear, images of him wrapped up with somebody else—sleeping in the bed she'd slept in many times before—clouded her drunken brain and made her more angry than anything.

Her gut twisted, and she almost hung up.

But then the low buzz of the dial tone abruptly stopped and in its place came his voice.

"Y/N?"

Her name on his lips, even through the phone, was grounding, the anger in her system melting away and revealing a coat of drunken relief.

"Spencer! You answered!"

"Yeah... Are you— Is everything okay?"

"Pff, yeah, 'm-fine. Just really fucking cold."

"You're not outside, are you?"

"Duh, I'm outside... I wouldn't be cold in-side... Besides, I didn't call t'alk bout the weather, I need you t'come pick me up."

There was a brief pause, and for a moment Y/N didn't think he was going to say anything she wanted to hear. She swayed on the sidewalk, shivering and praying that he would throw her a bone, even if she'd regret it all in the morning.

"Where are you?" he said finally, and despite herself, she smiled.

FEBRUARY 15th

Spencer couldn't believe he was picking her up at near two in the morning.

Honestly, he'd initially thought about ignoring her call again, but remembering the day it was and taking note of the time, he figured she was most likely in some type of inebriated trouble.

His instincts were right, of course, but he wished that he could have been wrong. He wished she'd only been calling to drunkenly ramble on about how she missed him or maybe how he was stupid and she never wanted to see his face ever again, because that was normal. At least then he could have hung up after she was done and never thought about it again— it was a normal step in any relationship that helped move things along. They could have gotten on with their lives and it would have all been over.

But of course it was never that simple.

Y/N was never that simple.

He pictured her on the street near some bar, alone and cold and drunk, and of course he would have been the only one she could call to rescue her. After all, he'd been pretty much the only thing she'd ever known to make her feel safe.

Still, he wished he was capable of only giving her a ride home and then leaving.

But again, it was never that simple.

It was easy getting her into the car— that wasn't what he was worried about. Rather, it was the fated moment where she'd ask him to stay after he finally got her tucked safely into bed that worried him. Because it was bad enough that it was Y/N... It was her in all her alluring glory, and he'd never been able to deny her anything no matter how badly he tried or wanted to.

Now add on the fact that she was drunk, and most likely sad on their first Valentine's Day apart, and it was a recipe for disaster.

Even if she'd broken his heart, Spencer still cared about her.

Which is why he inevitably agreed to stay, at least until she fell asleep.

He knew her well enough to know all the ways she'd try to get him under the covers with her, so it was a familiar amusement that settled in his being when he was finally able to get on top of the covers with her underneath. But as he entertained her silly little questions with the right answers until she fell asleep, Spencer noticed something else accompanying that amusement.

Guilt.

And then anger for feeling guilty about her sadness— sadness that could have been avoided had she just gotten over whatever was holding her back and either returned his "I love you" or  told him she wasn't feeling the same way just yet.

All she had to do was talk.

He had a right to feel upset about Y/N holding back when he'd been nothing but patient, spending almost every year of their relationship trying to make her see that she had nothing to be afraid of. He'd given her every chance to talk about what she was feeling, whether it was happy or not, and every time she pushed it all away in favor of sex.

That wasn't what he wanted in a relationship, so he ended it. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

So why was he feeling so fucking guilty?

He blamed his good nature and innate need to please people, to make them feel good and happy. But he also blamed Y/N and her adorable drunken sleeping face.

He watched as she slept, willing himself not to forget the way she hurt him. She'd completely stolen his heart and shattered it at the same time, and if he was being honest, she still held some of the pieces. But he couldn't get them back, not if he didn't want to risk shattering her own heart in the process.

It felt like they were tied together by some strong, invisible force that wouldn't break unless both of them broke right along with it.

So... maybe he could afford to leave those pieces of his heart with her. He'd have to if they were going to get out of this alive. Not unscathed, sure, but alive nonetheless.

Once he was sure she was deep in sleep, Spencer quietly and carefully got off the bed and navigated through her apartment, getting her a glass of water and leaving it on the table next to her bed. And because he couldn't help it, he cleaned up some of the clothes that were scattered around her floor, depositing them into the hamper and straightening out a few more things that were out of place.

He looked over at her sleeping figure one more time, sighed, and then left, keeping her bedroom door open just a crack.

***

Spencer knew he shouldn't have stayed longer.

Despite his better judgement, he'd plopped himself down on her couch after making sure she was sound asleep, hoping to catch his breath and sort through what he was feeling before he got behind the wheel. But of course, it was 2am and he was exhausted, and he couldn't stop himself from closing his eyes and drifting off.

And now he was sitting up, looking around the apartment through the lens of morning.

Though the curtains were sheer, they didn't provide much light, but enough of it showed him just how familiar the space was. Y/N hadn't moved anything around. The same art was on the same walls, the potted ivy plant on her mantle sat un-watered and withering, and every book and record and DVD on her shelves was in the exact same spot as they'd all been the last time he was there in December.

Meanwhile, after the breakup he'd re-arranged everything. He was so sure that they were through for good this time around that he wanted a clean slate. Not that he wanted to rid himself of her memory completely, but if he was going to move on from the hold she'd had on him, he had to do something...

And yet, he ended up at her apartment the morning after Valentine's Day all the same.

He heard the shower running faintly a couple rooms away. You didn't have to pass the couch to get there, so maybe she hadn't seen him sleeping and he could get away cleanly.

Spencer scrambled off the couch, thankful that he hadn't removed his jacket or his shoes and that he could just sprint towards the door without having to find any of his belongings.

But as luck would have it, the second he took a step, the shower turned off. He had to get out of there quickly, but if he did then she'd definitely know he'd stayed overnight. But if he went quietly, he wouldn't have enough time before she caught him.

Maybe I could hide...

He shook the thought with a roll of his eyes, settling on the clearest course of action, which was to make as quick of a getaway as he could. He'd try to be quiet as well, though the creaky door was going to be nearly impossible to get through without a sound.

His hand was on the doorknob when he heard her voice.

"You didn't think you could spend the night and then leave without saying goodbye, did 'ja?"

The pure amusement in her tone made his stomach churn, and it wasn't unpleasant in the slightest.

Spencer turned and smiled softly, avoiding looking at her completely. "Sorry. Didn't want to bother you."

"You're never a bother."

That sentiment held less amusement and more sincerity, which was what guided his eyes to meet the woman who said the words.

His stomach twisted again when he saw her, exactly like he knew she'd be— wrapped in nothing but a thin towel with near-dripping hair cascading down her back. Her legs were bare and exposed, the towel not only thin but short, which meant that her chest was also practically spilling out of it. Despite the obvious and inevitable hungover look in her eye, there was also a good splash of that mischief that'd always been there— the kind that spelled out trouble.

He needed to get out of there.

"Well, um... I'm glad I got you home safe," he said, clearing his throat. "I should... I should go."

"You sure you don't wanna stay for breakfast?"

Spencer could have sworn she was teasing him, dangling her body in front of him like a meal they both knew he wouldn't be able to resist. But then she added, "I've got everything I need for your favorite omelet," and he exhaled with a small smile, exhausted with his own mind for convincing him that she was out to pull him back in.

Still, he declined. "No, I... I shouldn't. But, uh, thank you..."

"You sure?"

This time when he looked up at her, she was closer. She was gently striding forward to meet him, and he half thought about backing up towards the door until he realized he was already there.

"I—I'm sure. Really."

"But you drove around all night just to take me home when I was drunk, the least I can do is feed you..."

"Eh, it's alright. It's... Nothing I haven't done before."

She stopped then, her eyes briefly dropping to the floor. It was like her whole demeanor changed—just for a second—from the prowess she'd always been, to what seemed to be a woman filled with sadness and regret. It didn't last long though, just enough for Spencer to notice it before she looked back up at him with that wicked gleam in her eye and a remark right at the tip of her tongue.

"Still. I feel bad, making you do all that for me... Especially now."

He wasn't sure what to make of this... It seemed like she was sincere, but she was also alluring, calling to him like a siren leading him to his ultimate demise. And while he'd come to know that as merely a part of her nature, he couldn't help but shake the feeling that she was doing it on purpose.

She was in a skimpy towel, after all, and she definitely knew how to use that to her advantage.

It didn't help that he didn't have the courage to leave. Everything inside of him right then longed to drop that towel and indulge himself once more. Putting aside all the heartache and the differences they shared, all he felt in that moment was the need to touch her— to get lost in her and never be found again.

She was his fatal flaw, and it was painfully obvious.

Spencer knew he shouldn't have stayed longer...

He was over to her in just three strides, throwing off his jacket and tossing it aside before cradling her face with his hands and bringing their lips together for the first time since Christmas Eve.

The small whine in her throat signaled that she hadn't expected it, but welcomed it all the same. The moment she lifted her arms to wrap around his neck, the towel fell to the floor, and there was no going back.

"What about breakfast?" Y/N breathed out once they pulled away for air.

Spencer contemplated, studying her face, seeing the way her eyes sparkled, and decided on the two words that sealed his fate.

"Screw breakfast."

Their lips were melded together almost as soon as the words left his mouth. And it wasn't long before every other part of their bodies were melded together as well.

Y/N helped him take the rest of his clothes off as they danced around the entryway and the living room. Everything was open, no walls separating the living room from the kitchen, so to compensate for the lack of breakfast they'd be eating, they migrated to the kitchen counter once Spencer had off everything but his boxers.

He trapped her against the cool marble of the countertop, her back hitting it solid and sending a shiver up her spine. Meanwhile his hands roamed her body, unsure of where to be other than on her at all times, whether it be her waist, her stomach, her arms, her breasts, or her ass. He wanted to feel all of her, and quite frankly she wanted the same.

She even told him so, in her own way, by bringing one of her legs up and wrapping it around his waist, pulling him closer to her as she wove her fingers through his hair and tasted his tongue with her own.

The action elicited a groan from his mouth, low and desperate. Spencer settled his hands on her waist and gripped it tight, silently telling her what to do.

So she jumped up and he helped guide her swiftly onto the counter. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist again, and he found himself grinding into her hips, urgent to feel every part of her. And thankfully she was feeling rather desperate herself, because she rolled her hips up into him in return, breaking their mouths apart just briefly to speak.

"Fuck me..."

There was so much he wanted to say to her in that moment— how badly he was feeling about keeping her entertained while he was slowly deteriorating inside from her emotional detachment and rejection, how much she frustrated him, and more prominently, how she was so goddamn impatient and that he was getting there...

But all that he could manage was a broken, desperate whisper of her name.

It was all he'd ever known.

All that frustration... All that anger, heartache, passion, and time apart combined beautifully into those few syllables that made up her name and tore him apart from the inside out.

And his hands were just as destructive.

Spencer deftly dropped his boxers to the ground and pushed forward, almost losing all sense of self the moment the head of his dick finally made contact with her cunt. He made his way inside of her and then used both of his hands to grip her waist and bring her closer, their mouths connecting harshly as they found one another once again.

His grip was bruising— not possessive in any way, but desperate, like he had to cling to her for dear life or he wouldn't live to see another day. He held himself inside her, sighing and whimpering into her mouth as she clenched around him. It was so familiar, so comfortable and exhilarating that he almost didn't even want to move. He thought about staying there, still inside her forever.

But as always, Y/N was insatiable.

She wrapped all her limbs around him and held on, rolling her hips and seeking friction in any way possible when she briefly tore her lips away from his.

"I need you, baby, please..."

Even as his heart started to rumble in his chest, well aware of the fact that she still probably didn't love him the way he loved her, Spencer gave her everything. He pulled out and snapped his hips forward again, setting a strong, steady pace that had Y/N's eyes rolling back, and the payoff of hearing her sigh out his name was more than enough to keep him going.

Her nails dug deliciously into his shoulders, the faint sting adding something reminiscent of gasoline to a fire. The flames grew taller and brighter the more he fucked her, and with each gradual increase of volume and intensity, it was a wonder the whole kitchen around them hadn't literally burst into flames.

That's how they always were.

Together like this, so lost in the high of each others' bodies, it was easy to forget the things that made their relationship so hard. It was easy to let all the negativity slip away into the throes of pent-up, well-needed sex. The high they gave each other was merely that— A high...

A distraction.

And while that's exactly what Y/N needed, what she preferred in most cases, it's what Spencer recognized as completely unhealthy, despite his coming back to it every time.

It's also why he dreaded the moment ending. Because once they came down from the high, all that's left would be sadness, regret... Guilt... Their fire burned hot, brightly and wildly, but in the aftermath would lay only a thick layer of deadly smoke between them— hard to navigate, and nearly impossible to breathe in without suffocating.

So they simply burned and burned and burned...

Spencer gripped her so tight he was sure to leave her with bruising. And in turn Y/N dragged her nails down his back and dug them into his ass, her palm laying firmly over the muscles that aided in fucking her into the marbled surface. She whined out curses and moans, and he cried out broken whispers of her name, pet names, and curses alike.

Even once she'd come, he kept going, willing himself to hold on as long as he could. She whined into his ear at the overstimulation. And rather than keeping her legs wrapped around his body, she decided to spread them wide, perching her heels up on the counter as far as she could go and anchoring her fingers through his hair.

And though she might not have had enough orgasms in her to keep up with him, she welcomed it all the same—She welcomed the burn just as much as he did.

Even still, no fire can burn forever.

All concept of time was lost by the time Spencer finally collapsed forward, completely spent and barely standing on weak legs after coming twice. Y/N held onto him tightly to keep him upwards, lightly massaging his scalp with gentle fingers and closing her eyes as she focused on his breathing— the way it fanned over the skin of her bare shoulder and how it sounded, perfectly in time with hers...

It was the most peaceful she'd been in a long time.

She felt him pull out of her, the both of them groaning at the feeling, and a little at the mess it would make.

Spencer gently peeled his body off of hers, sniffing once and avoiding her eyes. "Sorry... You just got out of the shower..."

"It's fine," Y/N breathed. She begged him silently to look her in the eye, but he remained still... Most likely thinking. She could practically see the cogs turning in his brain.

So, in an effort to lighten the mood a bit, she added with a breathy laugh, "Besides... It's nothing I haven't done before."

The callback to his words—and memories of all the times they'd found themselves in this position before—got Spencer to laugh a little, but he still wouldn't meet her eyes.

Finally, he cleared his throat. "I'll... I'll grab the wipes?"

"Oh. Sure," Y/N returned with a thankful smile. It was hopeful, too, though the moment he was out of eyesight, it turned rather sad.

She'd known that behavior before, seen that hesitation in his movements and that sound in his voice.

It was guilt.

Regret.

Probably a bit of self-hatred, too.

When he returned, a pile of her clothes in hand and the bag of wipes on top, she took them from him with a kind smile and cleaned herself up while he put his clothes back on.

The silence was more uncomfortable than anything either of them had ever experienced.

So much so, that Y/N couldn't even muster up the courage to ask him to stay for breakfast— and she always did after one of their post-break hookups.

Maybe this time really was different.

Spencer was just at the door again when she stopped him.

"Thank you," she said. Her voice was so small, he almost didn't hear it. "For bringing me home..."

But he paused, turned, and finally looked her in the eye.

He almost sunk to his knees right there...

Seeing her, arms crossed like she was trying to keep warm, as her head hung low and she looked up at him through sad, hooded eyelids...

It reminded him of the woman he fell in love with.

But in his peripheral, he saw the towel on the floor and was reminded of the woman who'd shattered his heart.

Spencer cleared his throat. Once upon a time he might have returned her thanks with, Anytime, but... Honestly he wasn't sure there could ever be another time. For his sanity, he'd have to avoid 'anytime' at all costs.

So, he settled on, "You're welcome."

He was glad to see her return his kind smile with one of her own, even if it was tainted with sadness, and a small wave goodbye.

Maybe this time it would stick.

Even still, as he closed the door behind him and made his way to the parking lot, for some reason it didn't quite feel like goodbye.

And some of that deadly smoke that settled in his lungs as he drove further and further away from her apartment was inclined to agree.

***

Neither of them could sleep that night.

While Spencer stared out the window of the jet, a little annoyed to be called out on a case so late but at least thankful for the distraction, Y/N laid in bed, staring at the stars on her ceiling.

The same constellation caught their eye.

Columba.

The Dove.

She hadn't even meant to arrange the stars like that, but one night after a date, they were laying in her bed and Spencer pointed out that the cluster of plastic stars right in the corner of the ceiling looked like Columba.

Y/N fondly remembered Spencer telling her about how it was originally named to represent Noah's dove, which searched for dry land during the great biblical flood and returned carrying an olive branch to make news of its recession— of peace at last.

The memory made her smile. It tugged at her heart and made her dreams of him even more vivid.

All the same, Spencer noticed the constellation outside the jet window and remembered that same night. The smile on her face as he told her the story, the feel of her fingers gliding softly over the bare skin of his forearm...

It was the first night since he'd met her that he thought it.

I love her...

He almost told her then, too, but he was afraid it was too soon. So he refrained.

Looking back, Spencer was starting to regret that— Maybe without that extra time together, breaking up would have been easier. But instead, he gave her more time. He gave himself more time to fall deeper in love with her, and in the end it still wasn't enough.

Now they were both looking at the same constellation, one made of plastic and the other of gas, wondering if their flood would ever recede.

And in the event that it did... Who would be the dove, and what would be their olive branch?

“You know I dream about getting back together in the future, I could focus on you. But if I leave right now, I hope that you don’t find someone that touches you the way that I do...”

***

SERIES TAGLIST:   @reidyoulikeabook​ @yourmisosoup​ @fortheloveofcriminalminds​ @bellzo17​ @altsvu​ @flipperpenguins​ @mcumorningstar​

TAGS NOT WORKING: @reid-to-me @totallyclearwitch

[storiesforallfandoms]

driver’s license ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 2520

request?: no

description: in which a new song reminds her too much of her ex, and leads them to reconnect

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angst, sadness

based on this song (of course)

masterlist

Who knew that a song by a 17 year old could cause so much hurt to be brought back for me? Not to bash 17 year olds or anything, but when I was 17 I could never write something so heartbreakingly beautiful.

I was on my way home from work when the song came on the radio for the first time. I was captivated by the lyrics immediately and found myself having to pull over because I couldn’t stop crying. It took a solid five minutes and having to play my happy playlist on Spotify before I finally felt okay enough to get home, however the minute I got in through the door I found the song on Spotify and listened to it all night.

The lyrics connected with me in a way that a song hadn’t in years, and the pain in the singer’s voice opened up fresh wounds that I had thought were long closed.

She's so much older than me She's everything I'm insecure about

Of course he ended up with her. Even if he hadn’t actually left me for her, he always told me there was nothing between them besides on screen chemistry. And now they were dating and supposedly “so in love”.

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

He wrote so many songs about me. He played every one of them for me after writing and recording them, just to get my approval and my okay to put them out. They were beautiful songs - songs in which he promised forever. He’d always said he was going to marry me one day, make me the mother of his future kids. His “forever girl”.

Can't drive past the places we used to go to 'Cause I still fucking love you, babe

God...did I ever still love him.

Our relationship didn’t get a proper closure. At least, not on my end. It all happened so fast. He came home after a long tour and was silent the whole night. He didn’t even try to make love to me the way he always did after being away from me for so long. The next morning, he told me over breakfast that he had lost feelings for me. He asked me to get my things and take them back to the apartment I still had despite basically living out of his home. Then he left, saying he didn’t want to be there to watch me leave.

After that, it was like he stopped existing. Well, it was like Colson Baker stopped existing. Machine Gun Kelly was everywhere, especially after announcing his new relationship with Megan Fox, in which he made sure to post pictures and videos with her basically every week. But the Colson I knew and loved stopped existing. He blocked me on everything, even my phone number. He didn’t reach out to me, neither did Casie. I figured the latter was because her father told her not to, which almost hurt more than the breakup did. I loved Casie like my own daughter, and I loved Colson more than anything. And in the span of 12 hours, I lost both of them.

I credited that non-closure to the reason I had such a hard time moving on, even after being broken up almost a year. I really thought I was okay, until I heard fucking Olivia Rodrigo singing about her own heartbreak, and it made me remember mine was still fresh.

On one day that my thoughts were becoming too dark to bare on my own, I decided to go out for a drive to clear my head. I turned on the song, just to make myself more depressed I guess. I wasn’t really paying attention to the road (not good, I know) and, I guess by some muscle memory, I found myself driving down Colson’s street. I hadn’t realized where I was until I saw his familiar house, which his familiar car in the driveway...and his familiar tall frame getting out of it.

My breath caught in my throat and I was sure I was about to crash the car. I looked at him for a little too long, every good memory we ever had rushing back in that moment. He was looking down at his keys as he bumped the car door shut with his hip. I wondered if Megan was in the house waiting for him, and found that that thought hurt me more than actually seeing him.

I saw his head lifting, looking in my direction, for a split second before my eyes darted back to the road. I hoped he couldn’t see me in the driver’s seat, or that he didn’t see me looking at him. I hoped he just thought I was a random car passing through the neighborhood. If he couldn’t see that it was specifically me driving, there was no way he’d know it was my car. There were too many cars like it.

My heart was racing and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes again. I knew I had to pull over, but I was still too close to his house to feel comfortable stopping. I blinked my tears away and continued driving, trying to steady my heartbeat as I drove to the coffee shop just at the end of his road. The one we always used to go to.

I got out and went inside, hoping that getting something to eat and drink would help me to settle down before I drove home. I ordered an iced coffee and a muffin and took it to sit in a booth tucked away in the back of the coffee shop. I was trying to distract myself with my phone when someone approached and spoke.

“Hey.”

My whole body tensed up as I looked up to see - of course - Colson stood over me.

“Hey,” I said. I cringed at how hoarse my voice sounded. God, pull it together (Y/N).

“I thought that was you driving past my place,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly.

“Yeah, sorry,” I said, trying to come up with some excuse on the spot as to why I was in the neighborhood. “I haven’t been to this place in so long and found myself craving some coffee. I guess...it was just muscle memory to come through your way to get here.”

“Don’t apologize,” he said. “I...I actually got a little excited. I thought...I thought maybe you were coming over for a second. I forgot...”

His voice trailed away.

How could he forget we broke up when he was the one who dumped me? And he was the one who moved on soo effortlessly?

“Can I sit?” he asked.

I shrugged in response. “Free country.”

He chuckled at my joke, and my heart did an involuntary flip. God, I missed that laugh.

He sat across from me in the booth and looked down at his hands. I stared down at the food in front of me, suddenly feeling too queasy to eat. Instead, I took another sip of my iced coffee.

“How have you been?” he asked.

The questioned annoyed me.

How have I been?! Well, let’s see: you absolutely shattered my heart, went MIA on me and took your daughter with you, started seeing the much older, much prettier actress that you told me you had no feelings for and decided to rub it in my face through social media, all while I have been so broken for nearly a year that I constantly have friends and family checking in on me to make sure I’m still alive. How the fuck do you think I’ve been?!

I decided not to respond that way though, even though I was aching to make him feel bad for what he did to me. I knew it was the smarter option to try and be the bigger person in this situation.

“I’ve been okay,” I responded, trying to be as vague as possible. “Not too much as happened really. Still...same old me.”

I didn’t ask him how he was, because I already knew. He knew that I knew, because how could I not? His face was plastered everywhere, usually sucking on Megan’s face as well.

“It’s cool to see you,” he said instead. “I...It’s been too long.”

“Well, it tends to be hard to communicate when you block someone on everything overnight.”

I quickly took a sip of my iced coffee, almost wishing that would put the words back in my mouth.

Colson winced. “Yeah, that was...that was wrong of me. I...I’m sorry.”

“Why the fuck are you here, Colson?” I finally snapped. So much for being the bigger person. “Couldn’t you have just watched me drive past in peace? Did you have to follow me?”

“I felt like I had to,” he said. “I wanted...I wanted to know I hadn’t just seen you this time like all the other times I saw a car that looked like yours. I had to know if it was actually you this time. And I...I had to see you in person again.”

“You could’ve called at any time,” I reminded him. “Or messaged on social media, or even just texted. You could’ve even sent a fucking letter, Colson! If you wanted to see me that bad, you had ways of reaching out. You decided not to, you decided that the break up meant I was non-existent to you anymore.”

“I know!” he snapped back, his hand hitting the table and causing the contents on it to rattle. All eyes in the coffee shop were staring at us for a brief moment before going back to what they were doing. “I fucking know, and it was the worst fucking mistake I’ve ever made. I’m so sorry, (Y/N), I was a complete idiot.”

“Sorry means nothing to me, Colson,” I told him. “Sorry doesn’t undo the year of heartbreak and agony you put me through. Sorry doesn’t undo the fact that you left me for six months to go on tour, that you texted and called me every morning and every night to tell me how much you loved me and how you couldn’t wait to see me again, even on the night before you came home, only to do a complete 180 the moment you got off the plane. It doesn’t excuse the fact that you told me to take my shit and leave the place I had considered a home for two years because you were ending the five year relationship that you claimed to be so deeply in love with. And it especially doesn’t excuse the fact that mere months after the break up you were all over Megan fucking Fox!”

He was silent for a long time. His eyes were becoming moist with tears, and I could feel a lump growing in my own throat. But I couldn’t break. I refused to do so. Not in front of him, not right now.

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he finally breathed, his voice cracking slightly. “You have to know how much I truly do fucking love you, (Y/N). That never went away. It’s still there, you’re still my forever girl in my heart. But when I came home from tour...my manager called me as I was boarding the flight and told me that there was a plan in motion to get promo for the new album and for the movie with Megan. They wanted Megan and I to date for PR, to be all lovey dovey in front of the cameras and to gush over one another constantly. I reminded him about you and he told me I had to break up with you. He gave me no option, he said either I did that or I was being dropped from the label. No album, no movie, no...no nothing. Just the loser who was still being referred to as the idiot who got his career destroyed by Eminem.”

It was a shocking revelation. I had known Colson’s manager, he seemed like such a nice guy. He didn’t seem like the type to give those kinds of ultimatums. But there was that saying about a wolf in sheep’s clothing...

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“It was easier to make you think I just wasn’t in love anymore,” he said. “I didn’t want you to think I was choosing my career over you, cause I’d never do that. You meant - you mean - the world to me (Y/N). You’re my everything. I just...all the hard work I was putting into everything, for all of that to go to waste, for everything to flop just because I didn’t want to fake date my co-star. I was afraid of the power my manager held over me so...so I just did it. I went along with the plan. I pretended to be hopelessly in love with Megan when I had no feelings for her at all.”

He reached across the table and took my hands in his. I jumped and thought about pulling away from him, but I couldn’t deny that it felt nice to feel his touch again.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he said. “More than anything, you’re the person I want to be with. That bullshit with Megan, it’s long over. We just haven’t made it known publicly, but it will be announced. I want to try and pick up where things left off with us. I want to have you back in my home - in my arms - preparing to marry you someday. Please, (Y/N), can you please forgive me?”

It was the words I wanted to hear more than anything. I had dreamt about hearing Colson ask to take me back ever since he had broken up with me. At that point in time, I probably would’ve jumped at the chance, too. But this time, I slowly pulled my hands away from his. He looked at me in confusion.

“I can’t,” I told him. “Colson, you really fucking hurt me. You left me with no explanation, not even any closure. I get why you did it, but you have to understand that you telling me now isn’t going to undo a year’s worth of hurt that you put me through. I don’t know if anything will ever undo that at this point.”

I stood from the booth, taking my coffee with me and leaving a heartbroken Colson looking up at me with puppy dog eyes.

“There’s this song I’ve been listening to,” I said. “It’s called Driver’s License. I think it’s the only accurate way to describe how much you hurt me when you broke up with me. I encourage you to listen to it, then you can try to take me back again.”

I turned quickly and left before he could see me cry.

[queenofheartts-love]

A Second Chance (MCU FanFic)

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Raven (OC)

Summary: Almost two years after the fight with Thanos Steve starts putting on meetings to help people who have lost someone. After doubting his feelings for Raven, Steve has now realized his feelings for her. This is the first night that they share together.

Warnings: SMUTTTT!!!! Little Fluff

Word Count: 3K

Author Notes: I promised y'all that this slow burn would turn up the heat!! I put in Raven's POV for all of the juicy details ;)

Let me know what y'all think :3 Feedback is very much appreciated!

If you would like to listen along with the story here's the Spotify Playlist

A Second Chance Masterlist

Chapter 7

Raven’s POV

(Insert ‘Monsters of the Sky’ by Stereo Alchemy)

“What do you want?” I asked Steve. I was being very bold exposing myself to him like this. I was never one to willing take my clothes off for a man. But knowing Steve he needed the extra push. I watched as he pulled his white shirt off and tossed it aside.

“I want to kiss every inch of you.” I took in a slow breath hearing his words. Immediately I could feel the heat between my legs; The slickness seeping out of my core as I looked at him. He really did look like he could have been made out of marble. Every muscle was extremely chiseled and defined. The light from the moon didn’t help with how much he looked like a greek god. I held my breath as he made his way over to me. I was inches away from his face when he lowered himself to me. Placing hands on both sides of my thighs.

“I want to make love to you.” He told me. I shivered at his words. I could feel my sex pounding with anticipation. I pushed myself up on the bed making my way towards my pillows as he crawled on top of me. His eyes were dark and full of lust just like they were when we were making out downstairs. My legs naturally parted for him to lay in between. His lips found mine once again. He kissed me so gently and tenderly almost if he was trying not to hurt me. My hands went to his sides before they slid to his back as we kissed. I parted my lips to lick his bottom lip. I smiled against him when I heard him groan. I was starting to like that sound. His tongue tapped my lips asking for permission to enter my mouth and I gave it to him. Our tongues tangled against each other. I shivered once more feeling his hand slide over my skin. I was barely used to his hand holding mine- feeling his hand on my bare skin was something completely different. I could feel a trail of heat wherever his hand touched me. My breath hitched in the back of my throat when his hand cupped my core.

“Okay?” He whispered out and I nodded in response. His lips went to my neck and I turned my head to the side letting him have full access to it. I let out a quiet moan feeling his hand run up and down my core- teasing me. I slide my hands down from his back to his hips and finally to the front of his jeans. I swallowed hard feeling the thick imprint that was in his pants.. Of course he had a huge dick. Why wouldn’t he? A smirk came to my lips hearing him groan against my neck as I stroked his imprint. My fingers unzipped his jeans, pushing them down as far as I could.

“Take those off.” I told him.

“Yes Ma’am.” He said in response before he sat up and removed his jeans. I looked up at him biting my lip seeing his large bulge inside of his boxers. There was something satisfying about knowing that I did that to him.

“Come back to me.” I whispered out and he fell right back on top of me. He really was the perfect soldier. A moan escaped me again just at the thought of him doing exactly what I wanted him too. It had been awhile since I’ve had sex with a man that was in it for pleasing me and not just to get his self off. I could tell by the way that Steve’s lips were attacking mine that he wanted to please me. I slid out of my lace bra for him, arching my back as his lips found my chest. He groaned against my skin hearing my moan. I shivered feeling his lips graze my nipple.

“You like that, Sweetheart?” Steve rasped out. Fuck I could have came just from hearing his voice. Why was his sex voice so fucking sexy…

“Yes…” I whispered out. He took my nipple into my mouth, flicking it with his tongue. My hand started to stroke his cock through his boxers letting him know that I liked what he was doing. Steve kissed across my breasts until he reached my other nipple and brought it into his mouth again. Flickering his tongue all over it until I let out another moan.

His hand slid inside of panties cupping my core once more. I thrusted my hips, pressing my sex against his hand. He groaned at my action and a smirk came to my lips. Steve removed his hand from me to grab the sides of my panties to pull them down and then off. I shivered at how I was completely naked underneath him. I bit down on my bottom lip waiting for him to touch me.

“You’re so beautiful, Sweetheart.” He hushed out. Steve pressed his lips back to mine. I kissed him, moving my lips against his. His tongue danced on my bottom lip. I gasped feeling Steve slide a finger into my warm slick sex. My back arched instantly as he pulled that finger out. His fingers rubbed my clit for a few moments causing moan after moan to escape me. His lips went back to my neck as he dipped his finger back into my core then pulled his finger out dangerously slow. I could feel just how wet I was based on how wet his finger was. I bit my lip hard knowing that I was dripping wet for him… because of him. I could feel a sweet pressure building up in my lower stomach. Steve made his way back up to my lips giving me soft pecks before he crashed his lips to mine. I started to sway my hips matching the circles his fingers were doing on my clit. Steve left me panting for air as he finally took his lips away from mine to go back to kissing my neck.

“Steve…” I whispered out knowing I was getting dangerously close to cumming. He slowed down the circles his fingers were making on my clit before he slid that same finger into me again. I gasped again feeling him add a second finger. I could feel how tight my walls were around his fingers, clenching against him as he pushed and pulled his fingers in and out of me.

“You’re so wet, Sweetheart.” He told me. I moaned again at his words. I loved that he called me sweetheart. I loved the feeling of being at his mercy. My hips started to ride his hand trying to get myself to my release that I was so close to getting to.

“Let me do that.” He said against my neck. I stilled my hips and panted for air, throwing my head back against my pillow. I whined as he pulled his fingers away from my pussy. Steve’s lips traveled down my neck to my chest. He stopped at my breasts planting kisses on them and licking both of my nipples once more. He then started to kiss down my body stopping to plant a kiss on my belly button. He then stopped once his face was in front of my core. I held my breath in anticipation as I felt his warm breath on my sex. He kissed the inside of my thigh trailing his kisses down until he got to my dripping core.

"Tell me what you like, Sweetheart." He told me. I gasped and lifted my hips feeling his tongue licking at my lips before he placed a kiss. He licked from my entrance up to my clit and then back down. He stopped for a moment before he began again.

“Right there…” I whispered and he stopped his tongue right at my pulsing clit. I rolled my hips to him begging him to continue. Slowly he traced his tongue around my clit. My hips instinctively rolled towards his face. I heard him chuckle before he danced his tongue around my clit perfectly. The pressure in my lower stomach was growing more and more by the second.

“Steve…”I panted out and he groaned against me. Slowly he slid his finger into me. Pumping it in and out to match my breath. My hands went to his hair holding his head in place as I grew closer to my climax.

“Faster…” I whispered out. He did just as I said and started to flick my clit with his tongue.

“Yes…” I panted out. I was so close; I felt as if I was standing on the edge of my climax just needing to be pushed.

“St- Steve… ” I moaned out before my breath was caught in my throat. Steve added a second finger into me stretching me out as my core started to throb and constrict around his fingers. My grip in his hair tightened as I screamed out feeling the sweet pressure of climax

“Fuck… Steve!” I cried out as my orgasm took over. The walls of my core clenching then throbbing around his fingers. My back arching then falling as I started to relax. I let go of his hair and brought my hand to my forehead pushing my hair out of my face. Steve pulled his fingers out of me and positioned himself above me. I reached up, grabbing his face in my hands and planted soft pecks to his lips.

“Was that alright?” He asked me and I nodded, stretching my legs out.

“That was amazing.” I told him. I noticed the proudful grin on his face and I raised a brow at him.

“Don’t tell me that was your first time?” I asked him and he just looked up at me giving me my answer. I shook my head at him matching his chuckle that he gave me.

“Of course you’re good at that.” I told him. Placing kisses on his lips again. My kisses got longer and longer after each one. My hunger for him wasn’t fully satisfied. With feeling his bulge on my thigh I wanted to see what he was hiding in his boxers. Steve placed his hand next to my head holding himself up and he lowered his waist on me.

“How do you want me?” I asked him, feeling that he was pretty hard against my thigh.

“On top.” He breathed out.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He said, placing a sweet kiss to my lips. I kissed him back as we rolled over switching positions. I crawled down him to pull off his boxers. I swallowed seeing his dick fully erect. I placed my hand on it and smiled when I heard Steve suck in a breath. I licked the length of his cock and then slid it into my mouth to wet it before I sat on it.

“Shit.” Steve mumbled. I bobbed my head up and down as I slid my mouth on him wrapping my tongue around the tip of his cock. I could hear his breaths become heavy. I moaned softly against his cock tasting the saltiness of his precum.

“Raven...” I heard him say and I took him out of my mouth. I looked up at him as I felt his fingertips stroke my side. I climbed on top of him. I leaned into his hand that he placed on my cheek. I closed my eyes as he slid his hand to the back of my neck and pulled me to him. He placed a peck to my lips and I returned it. He was so sweet and tender. I was expecting him to be more aggressive and animalistic but he wasn’t at all. He let go of neck and I positioned myself over his hips. I wasn’t quite sure that I could take all of his long thick cock but I was going to try. I hovered my sex over him and then grabbed his dick in my hand to guide it into my wet core before I slowly lowered myself onto him. I hissed out how tight I was and how much his cock was stretching me out.

“Fuck…” Steve hissed out and I looked at his face hearing his words. I had never heard him say that word before but I instantly knew that I wanted to make him say it again. I studied his face as I lowered myself on him. He was biting down on his lip pretty hard and his hands had fistfulls of the comforter. I raised my hips back up before I slid back down him again. Once I got a comfortable amount of cock in me and I grabbed his hands.

“Relax...” I whispered to him as I stared into those beautiful blue eyes of his. I raised my hips again and I felt him jerk under me. He was close already. I smirked at how tight he closed his eyes. I leaned forward, placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Breathe...” I told him and he did as he was told. He slid his fingers inbetween mine and squeezed my hands.

“You feel so good…” He told me and I nudged his cheek as I rode him. I was happy that he was close because I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep this. I let out a moan feeling his cock starting to throb in me. I started to get into a grove of raising and lowering my hips over and over.

“Fuck.” I hushed out feeling that same building pressure in my lower stomach

“Raven.” Steve said as he let go of one my hands and grabbed my hip. I let go of his other hand allowing him to hold my waist in his hands. I let out another moan and closed my eyes enjoying the feeling of his cock filling me completely. I could the tip of his dick knocking at my cervix. My breathing was turning more into pants as I rode him, climbing to my high. I opened my eyes to see Steve underneath me, his eyes closed and lips parted. His brows were pushed together as if he was trying his hardest not to cum before me. I could tell that my thighs were beginning to shake and give up on me. I never realized how wide his hips were until I was on top of them.

“Move me.” I told Steve. His eyes sprung open. He looked at me and I nodded my head at him.

“Please.” I whispered out.

“Use me.” I told him and he squeezed both sides of my hips. I let out a breath as I felt him lift my hips with ease and then lower them. He started guiding my hips in the movement he wanted. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes feeling my high just around the corner. I loved the feeling of Steve lifting and lowering my hips with such ease. I loved the feeling of not having to do anything besides enjoy my second wave of pleasure. Each natural ridge of his cock rubbed me perfectly, sending me that much closer to the edge. I parted my lips as a familiar pressure started to build in my lower stomach again. I shivered hearing his grunts as he started to move my hips faster and faster matching the pace of my pants.

“Steve…” I moaned out knowing I was only seconds away from cumming.

“Oh...I know, Sweetheart.” He said to me as he gripped my hips even tighter. My breath hitched in my throat as I felt myself explode and my walls clench around his throbbing cock.

“Fuck” Steve said. Letting out a deep groan as he hit his release. He slowly stilled my hips as he filled me with his load. We were both left breathless- gasping for air. I slid my hand up from his stomach to his chest as a small smile came to lips.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered out. I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was back to the same Steve that I was growing to love. I could feel heat crawling over my cheeks hearing his words.

“You are also beautiful.” I told him. I heard him chuckle before he grabbed me and pulled my towards him. I hissed as he slid out of my now sore core.

“You okay?” He asked me as he held my face in his hands. His ocean blue eyes scanned my face and I let a light laugh escape me.

“I’m okay…” I told.

“I’m just sore is all. I’m okay.” I told him again as I watched the look of concern wash away from his face. He placed a peck to my lips and I gave him one back.

“Are you okay?” I asked him and he chuckled at my words. I placed my hand on his chest feeling the vibrations from his chuckle.

“I’m more than okay.” He told me and I turned my head to kiss his palm.

“I’m glad.” I told. I moved out of his grasp to go to my bathroom.

“You can stay the night if you’d like.” I told him from the bathroom. I had never wanted to be around anyone as much as I wanted to be around Steve. He made me question every interaction that I had with a man that wasn’t a friend or my brother.

“I would love to.” He responded. When I walked back into the room I bit my lip as he helped me take the decorative pillows off the bed. I couldn't help but to look how muscular he was. It was different than seeing him in clothes. It was almost better. I let a hum come out of my mouth as I thought about letting him have his way with me again. I pulled the covers back before slipping underneath them. I laid on my side of the bed and looked over at Steve who was already looking at me. He motioned his head at me and I raised a brow at him.

“Come here.” He whispered to me and I slid over to him. He lifted up his arm for me to lay next to him. I laid my head on his chest nuzzling against his skin as I felt his hand stroke my arm. He took a deep breath in and I smiled while my hand smoothed out his chest. I let out another hum feeling him kiss my head. I liked that we didn’t have to exchange words all the time. That he was perfectly content with sitting in silence with me. I was also amazed with how gentle he had been with me from the very beginning. He had been so patient and slow. I was starting to believe that he may be the first person that wasn’t going to break me. At least I hoped because I didn’t know if I would be able to pick the pieces back up this time.

**Divider provided by Firefly

[angryschnauzer]

Waited So Long

Summary: As an actress in her mid 20′s you had been lucky enough to get the roles you pushed yourself for, but one role in particular needs a scene you have no experience with; a sex scene, and you co-star is surprised to discover you are still a virgin even though you are in your mid 20′s. But he’s willing to help with whatever you need.

Trope: Friends to Lovers, Co-stars to Lovers Pairing: Henry Cavill x Female Reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, loss of virginity, oral sex, fingering, vaginal sex, protection/condoms. 

I no longer operate a tag list, but instead pop over and follow @angryschnauzerwrites​ and put that blog onto notifications. You’ll then get an alert each time i post a new story.

Masterlist got so long all the links broke, so you can now find all my previous stories on my AO3 LINK HERE

Waited So Long 

Henry sat at the large table, grinning and laughing as the rest of the cast had finished reading through the latest episode’s script. Everyone was in a good mood and that was down to the fact that tomorrow’s shooting schedule required just you and Henry, meaning that everyone else got a three day weekend. But… but you were just staring at the script. You knew it had been coming, but to see the words in front of you, the stage descriptions, it was overwhelming. 

 The Netflix special was ten episodes of a sci-fi series, and you played an alien warrior. Henry was the plucky human astronaut  that had been aboard the International Space Station when it had been sucked into a black hole and had ended up on the far side of the universe. Eight episodes into the filming schedule and the pivotal sex scene was about to be included, and that’s what was clouding every thought in your mind. 

 You were far from naive, you had no issue with your costume or even the nudity - you were after all painted purple with patches of ‘scales’ in strategic parts - but it was the fact you had a small secret that was making you so nervous; you hadn’t ever actually had sex. 

 You were already mid 20’s, you’d been through university and stage school, worked on broadway and the London west end, you’d modelled for artists and had always put your career first. Relationships had just fizzled away after the first couple of dates because of your acting schedule… and that is how you found yourself not only a virgin in her mid 20’s, but one that had never even laid in bed with a partner, been close, felt the weight of a lover on top of them… anything at all.

 The producers called it a wrap for the read through, and the sounds of chairs scraping on the floor filled the room. As people shot their empty plastic bottles into the trash you felt your stomach lurch, quickly leaving the room, finding the disabled bathroom and running to the toilet, the contents of your stomach very quickly coming back up. 

 Finally empty, you sat on the floor and rested your head against the wall, your mind spinning. A quiet knock at the door made you open one eye, watching as the unlocked door swung open and a familiar face peered round;

 “Are you ok?” Henry asked, his bulk almost filling the entire doorway; “You’re not coming down with something?”

 You shook your head;

 “No, just umm… nerves… haha…” you laughed rather awkwardly.

 Stepping into the room, he sat against the opposite wall, leaning forwards to hand you his half finished bottle of water;

 “... about tomorrow?”

 Taking a sip of water you nodded;

 “Bit pathetic really, isn’t it?”

 “Not at all. Is this your first onscreen love scene?”

 “Yeah”

 He sat forwards, resting his hands on his knees as he thought pensively for a moment;

 “Are you going out with the crew tonight?”

 “No. Can’t really face it”

 “How about I drive us back to the house and order some chinese and talk things through? This isn’t my first love scene but I remember the nerves. We’ll get everything out in the open so the air is clear ready for tomorrow, yeah?”

 Nodding, you watched as he stood, holding out his hand for you and helping you to your feet.

 -

 The drive back to the shared house that most of the main cast members were staying at was fun, Henry having linked his Spotify to the stereo, firing up a playlist of old school pop with an eclectic mix of metal. By the time he rolled into the large driveway that the rental house had, you were both yelling out the words, laughing and grinning. 

 Once inside you excused yourselves to go shower, twenty minutes later finding Henry in the kitchen. His hair was wet and he wore a t-shirt and pair of sweatpants as he looked over the chinese menu;

 “What do you fancy?” he asked and you tried not to blurt out what you were thinking, because even though you may be a virgin, your thoughts were far from pure. 

 Looking over the list he had already scribbled down, you pointed to a couple of dishes, watching as he added them to the list before dialling for delivery. 

 -

 Pushing your plate away you stretched out and groaned. Still shovelling egg fried rice into his mouth, Henry pointed his fork at your plate;

 “Roo dun?” he asked, his cheeks full like a hamster.

 “Help yourself!”

 He eagerly dumped the rest of your lemon chicken on top of his rice, jabbing at the pieces;

 “Hey, about tomorrow… you really don’t need to worry. It’s just going to be you and me, and three other people”

 Taking a sip of your beer you quietly snorted;

 “That’s still three more people that would ‘usually’ be there… and four more than i’ve ever experienced”

 He paused, setting his fork down and you could see his mind working through what you said;

 “So uhh, it's been a while…?”

 “To be honest, it's been never”

 It was like something short circuited in his brain;

 “Never never? Like, never?”

 Putting your beer down, you fiddled with the label;

 “I’m a virgin. I’ve never had sex. I’ve never even slept with anyone”

 There was an awkward silence, the air tense before Henry finally spoke;

 “Is it a religious thing?”

 You shook your head;

 “No. I just have been so wrapped up in studying or working or being on stage… I would get two dates into a relationship and some big opportunity would come up. I would get blinkered and end up ghosting guys without even realising. Ambition got in the way of a love life…”

 Henry took a deep breath;

 “Ok. So you know i’ll be covered up… down there i mean… and so will you… so there won’t be any slips or anything. I won’t be inside you or anything…”

 Cocking an eyebrow you scoffed;

 “Henry… I know you won’t be inside me. We studied sex scenes at stage school. They gave us the practical run down of what happens. It's lots of rubbing and grunting. I just need to go watch some porn again to figure out what to grunt…” you took a sip of your beer; “... and you probably wouldn’t fit inside me anyway… it’s not like anything has ever breached that hole”

 Henry sat with a wide eyed look on his face, his jaw hanging slack;

 “So you… you’ve never even pleasured yourself?”

 “Of course i have!” you threw a prawn cracker at him; “I’ve just never…. You know… had internal stimulation…”

 “Wow” he muttered quietly, shifting in his seat; “So…” he started again but then stopped, his brain seemingly unable to string a coherent sentence together. 

 Finally he cleared his throat;

 “So there’s never been any on set stuff?”

 “Nope. Usually I run through my lines for the next day, check the schedule, the set and makeup call times. I guess the one bonus about all of this is that there aren’t any lines for tomorrow”

 You both knew that the scene had been set up without dialogue, mostly from Netflix’s instruction because any erotic scenes can cause havoc with sensors in some countries when it comes to subtitles. 

 “What did you want to do now? Do you want an early night? Watch a movie? Talk? You want me to lay on top of you?” he asked, picking his now cold plate of food up and dumping the leftovers in the waste disposal.

 “Yes” you replied far too quickly.

 “Which part?”

 “All of it”

 -

 With the TV in the main living area out of action thanks to a rather rambunctious game of ping pong a few weeks ago, the pair of you had moved to Henry’s room. An hour into the movie and it was far from your thoughts, instead you were in the bizarre situation where Henry was literally laying on top of you as you had a conversation. The feeling of his weight pressing against you was at first a surprise, he was thick with muscles for the role, and with probably 200lbs of human pressing you against the mattress you had found you would have to shift now and again. Finally you found a position that was comfortable, and as you chatted about life you found your legs had naturally parted to allow him to lay between them, his stomach pressing to yours, his face inches from your own;

 “This is literally how we’ll be spending our day tomorrow you realise” he quietly pointed out

 “But there will be grunting too… plus some thrusting… it’ll probably get your ass in the gossip magazines as best ass in hollywood again” you teased him, knowing that the nudity he’d done in previous shows and movies had earned him a lot of attention thanks to his rather peachy behind.

 Henry pushed up a little, poking a finger to your breasts;

 “Oh yeah? Well these will earn you a whole legion of fans, you have an awesome pair of tits”

 “Pfft, they’re just average”

 “They’re good enough to give me a semi” he countered with a crooked grin on his face, using his finger to just tug at your neckline, exposing a tiny bit more skin.

 You shifted beneath him without even realising you were doing so and that’s when you felt it, a growing hardness pressing against your abdomen. Your eyes went wide as you stared up at him, the mix of emotions showing on his face;

 “I’ll get off…”

“No!” you instinctively wrapped your legs around his, leaning your head up and pressed a kiss to his lips. He let out a grunt of surprise and you felt him tense, before he softened, his lips following yours as you pulled rested your head back on the duvet beneath you.

 His lips were soft and plump, and as he rocked his hips against you again this time you felt he was getting harder. Instinctively you gasped, and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You may not have had sex before but you had kissed, and your tongue danced with his as hands started to explore each others bodies, fingers seeking out skin as t-shirts were tugged up to expose heated skin. 

 Pulling your shirt over your head he admired your naked chest, the pattern on your top having hidden the fact you were without a bra;

 “Oh yeah, even purple these’ll be popular”

 With a smirk on his lips and a wicked grin on his face he lowered his mouth to your naked torso, taking one peaked nipple between his lips to suck on it, his hand cupping your other breast. As he worked his magic your body responded, the wetness between your thighs soaking through your clothing, the subtle movements of your bodies rubbing together making your arousal almost uncontrollable. Winding your hands into his dark locks, the soft hair curled around your fingers as he looked at you, pressing a trail of kisses down your sternum until he reached your leggings;

 “Can i continue?” he asked quietly, watching as you nodded your head;

 “Yes… please…”

 As he pulled your leggings off he pressed kisses to the heated skin that he revealed, never breaking eye contact;

 “So here’s what i’m going to do… first i’m going to get you to cum with my tongue, i’ll slip it just a little inside you so you can get used to the feeling, then i’ll gently tease you with my fingers; find that g-spot of yours as i’ve been assured a g-spot orgasm is completely different from a clitoral orgasm…

 “Fuck…”

 “Yes, that’s the third thing…” he grinned at you; “Once you’re nice and ready, and really really wet i’m going to make love to you… so you can practice your moans for tomorrow…”

 He shed you of the rest of your clothing before softly grasping your legs and pulling them apart, revealing your virgin core. Tender fingers parted your petals before his tongue swiped a wide stripe through them, and the sound that emerged from your throat startled even you.

 “You like that?”

 “Yes… oh my god, please do that again!”

 “With pleasure!”

 “The pleasure is all mine…”

 “Henry?”

 “Yes?”

 “Please shut up and get on with it” you grinned at him, before he dipped his face back between your legs and went to town. His tongue was seemingly everywhere, grunts and moans as he worked you open, and when he slipped his tongue into the ring of muscle at your entrance your eyes shot open and you giggle-moaned at the unfamiliar but not unpleasant experience. When a finger found your clit you relaxed again, laying back and enjoying the pleasure he was selflessly giving you. 

 Gripping at the bedcovers you found your hips started to move on their own, only for Henry to press a strong arm across your stomach to hold you in place, pushing you closer and closer to your orgasm. When it finally did hit your body reacted instinctively; your legs wrapping themselves around his head, your back arching and your fingers almost tearing through the fabric of the sheets, before you finally went limp. As your mind was nothing but stars a muffled voice came through the haze of your post orgasmic bliss;

 “If i could get some oxygen…”

 Not realising your legs were still firmly wrapped around Henry’s head, you quickly released him, his head popping up from beneath your thighs. His cheeks were flushed red and his chin was wet, and it took you a moment to realise you were the cause for the wetness. He wiped his chin with the back of his hand before standing and grabbing a bottle of water to pass to you;

 “You’re gonna need to rehydrate after that…”

 You went to take the bottle from him but the bulging tent in his sweatpants distracted you, your hand pausing mid air before Henry laughed;

 “Drink first, then you can play with it”

 “Oh… I… “

 “Drink”

 Taking the bottle you sipped at the tepid liquid as he lay on the bed beside you. When you’d finished he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to his firm chest before kissing you softly;

 “Are you ready for round two?”

 “Can i touch you too?”

 A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth before he nodded, watching as you eased the elastic of his sweats down and his heavy cock sprang free. Your jaw fell as you took in his size, but before you could overthink it he pressed a kiss to your lips as his hands wandered between your thighs. 

 Reaching out you wrapped your fingers around him as his own slid between your folds, dancing over your clit before he pressed a single digit inside you, your eyes going wide and your hand squeezing him involuntarily. 

 “Does that feel good?”

 You nodded;

 “Yes, a little strange that i’m not in control, but i think that’s what makes it even more exciting”

 “That’s good… now, how about another finger?”

 Nodding again you bit your lip as he slid a second finger in alongside the first, your eager hole stretching around his digits. Instinctively you had started to move your hand up and down his shaft, doing little more than gentle movements, but soon the pair of you got into a rhythm, working together to leave your breaths in time with the others.

 “Doing so well for me… so wet. Shall we try a third?”

 Nodding you let out a quiet ‘uh-huh’ as he repositioned his hand, carefully sliding three fingers into your soaked velvet channel, and the noise that came from your throat was base and full of sin. When his thumb started to rub against your clit while he continued to work three fingers inside you the spring in your belly snapped and you were coming hard, shaking around his hand.

 As you came down from your high Henry carefully withdrew his fingers, salaciously licking them clean before he got off the bed and went to the drawer in the little cabinet, pulling out a condom.

 “Oh… i’m on the pill…” you blurted out; “You don’t have to… In fact i’d really like to feel you, you know… bare…”

 Tearing the packet open he grinned at you;

 “I get that… but you’re gonna be in makeup in less than 12 hours” he knelt on the bed as he started to roll the latex down his angry dick.

 “Umm yeah?”

 “Well its something you’d only know from experience, but it can take up to 24 hours for a guys cum to fully leak out of you”

 “Oh…”

 “And your costume and makeup gets pretty intimate, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah…”

 “So you want Iris in makeup to be able to smell my cum dripping out of you when she’s painting your snatch purple tomorrow?” he said with a grin on his face, rolling the condom down fully before positioning himself between your legs

 “I gotta be honest, the idea that someone realises i’ve had sex is kinda kinky” you craned your neck up to kiss him as you felt his dick notch at the entrance to your cunt; “But you’re the expert here”

 “That i am… Let me show you just how much of an expert…”

 With a smooth roll of his hips he pushed into you and the feeling was indescribable, in fact it was so overwhelming you screwed your eyes shut, willing the tears not to fall, but Henry simply held still, kissing each one of your tears as they fell down your cheeks until you were ready.

 “Breathe babe… just breathe… it’s overwhelming i know… i understand…”

 Opening your eyes you gazed up at him, smiling as he leaned down and kissed you softly.

 “Are you ok?”

 “Y-yeah…”

 “You want me to keep going?”

 “Please… oh god please”

 “Gonna make you feel so good”

 He carefully pulled his hips back before pushing into you again, seemingly getting deeper before pulling out again. Soon you were lost in the moment, feelings both physical and emotionally almost overwhelming you again as your body was taken to new heights of pleasure, Henry seemingly knowing exactly how to make the moment special for you.

 Your body reacted in the best way, the tight spring inside you curling ever tighter, until with just the right roll of his hips he tipped you over the edge and you were coming hard, your body squeezing him so tight he knew he’d found heaven whilst you saw stars. 

 Whilst you were in the haze of your orgasm you heard the most beautiful moans, and felt as Henry came deep within you. As soon as he stopped shaking he wrapped his arms around you tightly, pressing his face to your neck as he cradled the back of your head with his massive hand, pressing soft kisses to your heated skin as you both basked in the aftershocks of your intense orgasms.

 Finally Henry pushed himself up to bear his weight on one arm, sliding his other hand between your bodies to hold the condom in place as he carefully pulled out of you;

 “I’m just gonna get rid of this… stay here”

 You watched his peachy ass as he quickly mad his way to the bathroom, hearing water running before he reappeared moments later with a damp washcloth. Sitting delicately beside you he carefully cleaned you up, and when he was finished he pulled the duvet over your naked body as he quickly got rid of the cloth and joined you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you to his chest;

 “Are you ok?”

 “I think so… Did i make a mess of your bed?”

 “No. No blood”

 “Really? I thought…”

 “If you’re relaxed enough you may not bleed… or you may have simply ruptured your hymen just through every day life. A fall, tampons, strenuous exercise… didn’t you do a horseriding movie a couple of years back?”

 “Y-yeah…” you cast your mind back; “Now you mention it, there was one really long day when i’d spent all day shooting a galloping scene with jumps… i just thought my period was coming early, and i had this really dull ache in my lower back… i guess that makes sense now…”

 “So… you’re good? Feel ok about filming tomorrow?”

 You nodded;

 “Yeah, i’m good. Thank you” You looked up at him and saw he was chewing his lip nervously; “What?”

 “I was wondering… you know… after we’ve finished filming tomorrow… did you want to go to dinner with me?”

 “Like a date?”

 “Yeah… hey i understand if you say no… that you want to concentrate on your role and acting…”

 “No! I mean yes!” you took a deep breath; “I’d love to go to dinner with you”

 He pressed a kiss to your cheek before you settled on his chest, his strong heartbeat beating beneath your ear as you let your eyelids drop and you fell asleep in his arms.

 -

 Iris tutted as you fidgeted;

 “Will you stand still? I need to get these scales on!”

 “Sorry Iris… just a little sore…”

 The older woman looked up at you as she held the patch of purple scales prosthetic and grinned;

 “Well its about time” she nodded to the various bottles and jars that were on the counter; “Make sure you take the coconut oil when you leave tonight, it’ll help get the adhesive off without pulling on any bruises”

 You looked down at Iris and smiled;

 “Thanks Iris”

 “Was it worth it?”

 “So worth it”

[let-the-dream-begin]

In My Daughter’s Eyes Chapter 33: Blueprints

Chapter 32

Read on AO3

March 19

Jamie’s car hummed down the highway, one hand on the wheel, the other laced with Claire’s. The Spotify playlist he’d put together for the trip had gone over swimmingly; he’d mixed together all of Claire’s favorites—Barry Manilow, Elton John, Billy Joel to name a few—a few miscellaneous songs he knew she liked, and a few of his own favorites, some country songs that he knew would earn him a scoff and an eye roll.

The trip up, he could hear Claire humming as she gazed out the window.

“Come on, Sassenach. Sing.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Why no’? Ye’re embarrassed?”

“Yes! And why shouldn't I be?”

“Because ye’ve, repeatedly, might I add, held my face between yer legs and begged like a depraved—”

“Oh my god! Fine!”

She’d blasted the volume, perhaps because she thought he wouldn’t be able to hear her as clearly, and she begrudgingly began singing along to Manilow’s “I Write the Songs.” After a few minutes, and after Jamie had rolled the windows down all the way, she was singing at full volume, her hair whipping into her open mouth.

She was no professional by any means, but she had a sweet, sultry, velvet sounding tone to her voice. It was different from the way he’d heard her sing with Faith, more wild and unconfined.

Now, on the way back, she was bopping to “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart,” swinging their joined hands between them. He flicked his eyes off the road for just a second to take her in, and he kissed her hand as she continued.

They’d had a wonderful weekend, just the two of them, for the first time. Through Self Direction, Claire was entitled to something she referred to as the special needs parent respite program, a trip paid for by Self Direction, and childcare provided by them as well. Mrs. Lickett, Leina, and Amy had rotated their time with Faith all weekend since Friday afternoon. Claire had been incredibly nervous, especially since Amy and Leina were still relatively new. But with Jamie’s reassurance, she’d managed to let herself believe that January to March was enough time to get accustomed to two new people without Mummy or Jamie being around. Mrs. Lickett was the one doing bedtime and overnights anyway, which was something Faith was already accustomed to with her.

“I haven’t had a weekend away since before she was born.”

Jamie had burned with hatred for the sorry excuse for a husband she’d had before, and he simultaneously vowed that this weekend away would be the best she ever had.

And, not to pat himself on the back, but he was nearly certain it had been.

They’d stayed at a quaint bed and breakfast in Auburn, by the Finger Lakes. They visited a winery, did a beer trail—the Finger Lakes Beer Trail, to be exact, hiked through a state park, went biking, made love in a hot tub, made love in their bed, made love on the balcony of their suite overlooking a garden, made love on the hike through the state park…

Come to think of it, Jamie could not name a place that they hadn’t christened as such on their trip.

As much as he loved Faith, really and truly loved her like she was his own daughter, having Claire to himself was a thrill like no other. He’d underestimated how incredible it would be. He thought that they’d gone on plenty of dates, spent plenty of late nights together with Faith fast asleep…but this trip had been different. Is this what their honeymoon would be like, he wondered…?

Proposal first, then marriage, then honeymoon, Fraser.

“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” concluded, and Claire sighed lazily, leaning across the gap in the seats to lay her head on his shoulder, resting their joined hands in his lap. “Copacabana” came on next, and he glanced down at her mischievously, expecting the performance of a lifetime. She didn’t budge, just nestled further into his shoulder.

“What’s this, Sassenach? This is a Barry classic.”

She chuckled softly. “I know. I’m just very tired. We didn’t exactly do much sleeping.”

He made an amused noise in the back of his throat. “Aye. Something that I refuse to be sorry for.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t want you to be.”

Barry carried on about Lola and Tony, and Claire remained silent, even at the climax of the song.

“Ye sure ye’re alright?”

She looked like she was about to say something, but she didn’t. Then, after a moment:

“It just feels like it went so fast.”

“I ken what ye mean.”

“It’s not that I’m dreading parenting again. I mean, that’s a daily existential dread kind of thing. But it’s not like I don’t want to go back home to Faith.”

“Ye’ll miss me that much?” he was teasing, laughing as he said it.

“Yeah.” She was gravely serious.

His brow furrowed, and he brought their hands to his lips to kiss her knuckles again. He didn’t know what to say.

“I’m just…I’m tired of saying goodbye.”

The lines on his forehead deepened. “What d’ye mean?”

“I mean I…” She sighed, frustrated. She sat up, keeping their hands clasped. “Could you pull over?”

His heart leapt into his throat, his stomach tumbling. Rationally, he knew this could not have been going in a direction that would shatter his heart. It would make no sense. But logic could not calm the nausea as he took the next exit and pulled into the first parking lot that came up: a Burger King.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Oh God, nothing is wrong,” she said, shaking her head, laughing. She released his hand to unbuckle, then got up on her knees in the passenger seat. She took his hand with both hers, facing him. “I’m sorry I worried you.”

He unbuckled as well, swiveled a bit in the seat, and closed his free hand over hers.

“I’ve wanted to ask you this for a while, because it just makes sense, but I thought I might sound crazy because it seemed too soon.”

His confusion must have been visible, because she laughed again.

“What I’m trying to say, and failing miserably at…is that I…I’m tired of having to say goodbye. I want you here. Well, not here. But home. With us.”

He blinked dumbly “Ye…ye want me to move in…? Wi’ you?”

Claire nodded, chewing on her bottom lip. “Is that crazy?”

To answer her, he captured her lips with his, kissing her firmly, sucking in through his nose for air. “Is it crazy that I’ve been wishing fer it fer months?”

She chuckled through her nose and kissed him again. Christ! And to think he was worried! She wanted him to live with her! Her and her child! It was, of course, something that he hadn’t been unable to stop thinking about for a while as well, but he’d never have asked it of her, not before she was ready. He never asked a thing of her before she was ready. And it always worked out in his favor.

She lost her balance, leaning so deeply into the kiss that she tipped off her seat and face first into Jamie’s lap, and they sputtered with laughter.

“Sorry…” She scrambled back onto her side, but not before pecking him on the cheek.

“You’re flushed wi’ joy, mo ghraidh.” He tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Well, shouldn’t I be? I just snagged the hottest roommate on Long Island.”

He laughed, gently tugging on the strand of hair.

“Well, since we’re here, would you like some deplorable fast food?”

Jamie winced. “Tempting as that sounds…I’d rather we drive around fer something else.”

“Fair enough. Burger King doesn't exactly seem like the best meal to celebrate a couple moving in together.”

Christ! Moving in together!

“I dinna understand it.”

“What? Burger King?”

“No…I dinna understand how every single time I think I couldna possibly be any happier…I’m always proven wrong.”

——

Jamie pulled up in front of Claire’s apartment a little after eleven that night.

Our apartment, he reminded himself.

He reached over and nudged her awake, and she woke with a start.

“Shit…how long have I been out?”

“About two hours.”

“Jamie! You should’ve woken me! I feel awful for making you do all that driving alone.”

“Don’t. Ye’re the busy career woman here.”

“You have a career.”

“No’ one that starts at seven in the morning tomorrow.”

She sighed and then got out of the car, retrieving her duffle bag from the back seat. Jamie followed her up the stairs, and Mrs. Lickett was on the couch, asleep with a book in her lap. Claire gently woke her, thanked her profusely. Jamie looked around the living room, the photographs on the walls and surfaces that now included him in them, and he wanted to weep.

Claire went in to check on Faith, and Jamie wandered into the bathroom, still holding his duffle bag. He opened it and pulled out the pouch containing his toiletries. He pulled out his toothbrush and slowly, reverently, slid it into the cup that contained Claire’s and Faith’s, full of princess logos. He tucked his shaving kit into an empty space in a drawer and slid his deodorant next to Claire’s behind the mirror. The rest of his toiletries were all travel sized, so he kept them away.

He was brought out of this ritualistic unpacking by soft lips on his shoulder, and he turned to take her in his arms.

“Hmm,” she said, looking at the toothbrushes. “How symbolic.”

He hummed in thoughtful amusement, reverently kissing the crown of her head. She pulled away to sweetly kiss him on the lips, then caressed his face in her small, tender hands.

“Welcome home, love.”

——

May 12

Jamie was awake long before Claire, long before even the sun rose. Unable to sit still any longer, he carefully tucked blankets and pillows against Claire’s back, knowing the lack of his warm presence might wake her, and he slipped out of bed. Last night had been rather hectic, and Claire had desperately wanted to pack everything for the zoo the night before, but had been unable. So Jamie took the initiative now, laying out the sunscreen, packing all of Faith’s snacks, unplugging her play-tablet and putting it and her headphones in the electronics bag. He checked the charge on her assistive communication tablet and decided to plug it in anyway just in case, making a note to not let her leave without it. He packed doggy bags and Angus’s portable food and water bowls. He packed a few snacks for himself and Claire, and then he moved onto prepping breakfast.

He wouldn’t actually cook them just yet, given that Faith wouldn’t be awake for at least another hour, but he prepared batter, fruit, and chocolate chips for birthday pancakes. He moved to the fridge, checking the cabinet above it where he and Claire had hidden her birthday presents. They each had one to give her today, and one to give her the day of her party next weekend; next weekend since Mother’s Day was that coming weekend. They hadn’t decided if she’d be opening the presents before or after the zoo, so he kept them up there, deciding it best to wait if she asked for them or not. He let himself sit on the couch for a bit before he started heating the pan for the pancakes. He smiled at his tartan blanket, very at home on Claire’s couch.

He’d finished moving over all of his things in the beginning of April, and that night, he and Claire had champagne in their kitchen. He’d put all his own furniture and dishes in storage, to be placed in a house someday, if that was what Claire wanted. He’d brought over his cubed shelving, the kind that you bought with fabric drawers, and between that and the spare closet in the master that Claire hadn’t previously needed, everything fit perfectly. Atop the shelves, he laid out a few picture frames of his family, and what didn’t fit, Claire added to the wall of framed photos of her and Faith—well, her Faith, and Jamie.

Faith had adjusted beautifully, apparently hardly noticing a difference between Jamie being over all the time and just living there. Her favorite change had not, evidently, been Jamie himself, but the tartan blanket. She was constantly wrapping herself up in it, even as the May weather got increasingly warmer, rubbing it on her face, humming contently. It made Jamie unreasonably happy; it felt as if Faith’s love for the blanket extended into a love for his culture that he was so passionate about, an acceptance and celebration of who he was. He knew that was silly; she could not possibly understand the depth of its meaning, but the smile on her face when she became a tartan burrito was joy enough for him. Claire, of course, did not appreciate Faith’s attempts at eating dinner as said burrito…nor Jamie’s encouragement of the habit.

Jamie heaved himself off the couch and made his way into the kitchen to start cooking, but then a door burst open, followed by giggling, and the pattering of six little feet. Faith collided with his legs before he could cross the threshold into the kitchen, and Angus sat dutifully behind.

“Well, would ye look who it is.”

Jamie bent down to pry her off his legs and lift her above his head, causing her to squeal.

“The birthday princess herself!”

He settled her on his hip and kissed her cheek, but she reached up again, grunting, apparently wanting to be thrown up again. Jamie just shook his head and continued into the kitchen.

“What day is it, lass? Can ye tell me?” She signed birthday about a dozen times in a row, vibrating with excitement. “Aye, that’s right. Happy birthday.” He signed the words with one hand, then kissed her nose. “Would ye like to help me make yer birthday breakfast, a leannan?”

Faith reached greedy hands toward the pancake mix, and he chuckled. “Aye, we’ll get there. We have to let Angus outside first. Come on.” He carried her to the sliding glass door that led to the balcony, where they kept a few of those synthetic grass potty-patches for dogs, occasionally emptied by Jamie or Claire (mostly Jamie, but who was counting). They tried very hard to ingrain in Faith that it was her job to let him out, but it would take a while before she did so without being told. Jamie flipped the lock for her, and she used all her strength to heave open the door, and Angus pattered outside. Jamie then helped her get him fresh water and his breakfast, and then he was back inside, eating and drinking, and Jamie sat Faith on the counter.

Jamie scooped three circles into the pan of perfect proportion for Mickey Mouse, and Faith gasped dramatically. “Who’s that, Faith?”

She answered him with two perfect cups of her hands atop her head, the sign for Mickey Mouse.

“Clever lass! That’s Mickey, alright. Good signing. Good job.”

Jamie gave her a handful of chocolate chips to drop into the pancake, and she plopped them all in one spot. Jamie snorted, laughing. For the next handful, he tried hand over hand in an attempt to get her to spread them more evenly, but then she learned that the more she did it wrong, the more Jamie would try to correct her until she’d be eating chocolate chips with a side of pancake.

“Alright, no more,” Jamie said. “Ye can put some in mine and Mummy’s. How’s that?”

Before Faith could protest, Jamie was flipping the pancake, and she gasped again. “See? Mickey’s almost done cooking.”

Jamie almost laughed at how strange that sentence would sound in any other context. He slid the pancake onto a plate, used whipped cream to make eyes, a mouth, and a nose, and covered the spots with berries.

“There he is, lass.” He put the plate on the table with a flourish, and Faith threw her hands up, demanding to be taken off the counter and put in front of her food. He obliged her, carrying her over with airplane noises, and dropping her in her seat with a little crash sound effect. “There ye go. Special birthday breakfast for the birthday girl.” He kissed her head. “Ye have to eat his face first, ye ken. His eyes, his nose, his mouth.” He pointed to the strawberry eyes and nose and the blueberry mouth. “When ye finish that, then ye get syrup to eat his head. Aye?”

Faith began shoveling berries into her mouth with no regard for the whipped cream, covering her hands and face with it. Jamie started the next batch of pancakes while she ate her berries, and he cut hers up for her and added syrup while the first side was cooking. When it was time, he brought over the pan and let her put some chips in before returning it to the stove. He checked the time, decided he could let Claire sleep for a few more minutes, then started the last batch of pancakes.

When Faith was done eating and the stove was off, he spent a great deal of time de-sticky-fying Faith’s hands and face, and then he led her to his and Claire’s bedroom. (Christ, he still got butterflies thinking of it as theirs.) Faith was bouncing with excitement, but Jamie made her wait for his dramatic count to three before throwing the door open and letting her zoom into the room and onto the bed.

Jamie chuckled at the undignified oomph that Faith forced out of Claire when she pounced on her back. She started grumbling, face still in the pillow, and then it was like a switch was flipped, as if her morning-brain needed a few seconds to remember the day.

“Oh, my sweet girl!”

Her voice was breathy and still drugged with sleep, but the joy was real as she flipped over onto her back and pulled Faith to her chest.

“My six year old! Oh my goodness…”

She showered Faith’s curly head with kisses, and Faith hummed contentedly. Jamie sat on the bed by Claire’s legs, feeling a few miles closer to heaven at the sight of his girls tangled up in bed, a mess of wild curls spilling all over the pillows.

“Happy birthday, my little love.”

Faith hummed and began pushing violently away from Claire. Claire sputtered, jerking away and releasing her, and then Faith was scampering away.

“Are those pancakes I smell?” Claire said hopefully, her eyes still only half open.

“That they are.” Jamie leaned over and kissed her, and she moaned sleepily, letting him press her into the pillow, and then—

“Zoozoozoozoozoozoozoozoozoozoozoozoozoozoo—“

“Jesus H. Christ, how many times did she press it?”

Jamie sat up, looking over at Faith’s tablet screen. “Quite a bit.”

“Zoozoozoozoozoozoozoozoozoo—“

“Well make it stop!”

“Zoozoozoozoozoozoo—”

“Yes, Faith, we hear ye.” Jamie pressed the top of the screen to stop the endless stream and quickly cleared it before she could press it again. “Mummy is getting up right now, and then we’ll be getting dressed, then sunscreen, then off to the zoo.”

“She’s doing it again—”

“Come on, lass, let’s get ye dressed.”

Jamie hauled her over his shoulder, causing the iPad to flop onto the mattress. She squealed, letting her limbs fall limp.

“Yer breakfast is on the table. I packed everything we could possibly need. Eat, get ready. Let me see to her.”

“You do know it’s her birthday, not mine. You don’t need to pamper me.”

“Ach, there’s where ye’re wrong.” He sauntered over, six year old still tossed over his shoulder. “Six years ago ye were in labor fer…”

“Twenty-three hours.”

“Twenty-three bloody hours.” He leaned over, eliciting another squeal from Faith, and kissed her. “I say today is a day ye deserve to be celebrated as well. Go eat. Enjoy.”

“You sweet, bloody man.”

“Aye, I am.” He stood up straight again, and Faith let loose another squeal. “Off we go, birthday girl!”

——

It was midday; they’d just eaten lunch and ice cream, so any crabbiness to be found in the little girl was dispelled as they strolled through the gorilla exhibit. As Claire had told him she would, Faith was telling every animal she came across that it was her birthday, using her signs. Faith and Angus were held on by Claire, and Jamie pushed the stroller that was holding their bags, Faith’s communication device, and the two giraffes that she’d gotten last year’s birthday. (They’d in fact gotten ten minutes away from the house before Faith had started wailing, and it had dawned on Claire impressively quickly that Faith likely had meant to take them with her; of course they’d turned around to get them.) He and Claire had a running bet going as to which animals she’d get this year, because they both knew full well that she’d be doing the exact same thing, her desire for repeating matching sets all too permeating in everything she did.

“You know,” Claire said over her shoulder. “I think I might change my bet to gorillas.”

“Ye sure?” Jamie cocked a brow. “After last year’s debacle wi’ the tigers no’ appearing, then she sees them this year…ye were quite certain.”

“Yes, but look!”

Faith practically had her nose pressed into the glass, her eyes locked on a mother gorilla with a baby on her back.

“Aye, she’s quite taken.” Jamie watched the mother and baby.

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Claire said softly. “I mean, look at her eyes. How can anyone believe she doesn’t have a soul.”

Jamie glanced at Claire, as enthralled with the creatures as Faith was, and his heart warmed. “Aye. They’re beautiful.” He crossed his arms. “Though my bet will remain wi’ the red pandas. They’re just too damned cute fer a wee lass to no’ want.”

Claire opened her mouth to retort, but it died on her lips, and she stiffened. Jamie’s brow furrowed, confused. Before he could ask what was wrong, a loud, high-pitched voice sounded, apparently for the second time. The child had been talking already; he just hadn’t heard it at first.

“Can you stop that whining noise? It’s annoying.”

Jamie flicked his eyes down, and sure enough, there was a little girl, standing far too close to Faith for comfort. Faith was humming, her usual, happy stimming sound. She was having fun. Jamie was so used to the noise he hadn’t even registered she was making it. It was white noise to him at this point, to Claire as well, he knew.

“Can you stop that whining noise? It’s annoying!”

“That’s the third time,” Claire hissed, and her small body began shaking with rage.

“Stop. It’s annoying.”

“You’re going to let her talk to my child like that?” Claire raised her voice above its previous whisper, and Jamie’s stomach flipped.

“What?” An older woman, appearing to be the complainant’s grandmother, turned away from the glass.

“You’re standing right there. I know you can hear her being nasty to my child.”

“Claire.”

“No! I want her to answer me.”

“Hey! Stop it!” In her final, fatal mistake, the blonde girl gently shoved Faith by the shoulder, appearing as if she only wanted to get her attention.

“Makenna, come on, let her be,” the grandmother finally intervened.

“Get her away from her, now.”

“Hey. They’re just being kids. Relax.”

“No. My daughter is being a kid. Your granddaughter is bullying her for being happy!”

Without another word, the grandma seized Makenna by the hand and dragged her away, disappearing into the crowd. Jamie wrapped a firm hand around Claire’s wrist to stop her from running after her.

“It’s no’ worth it. They’re leaving.”

“I feel like I’m about to explode.”

“Aye,” Jamie said softly, indeed feeling her vibrating intensifying. “I can feel. It’s over now. Look at her, she’s fine. She didna hear a word of it.”

Faith was indeed oblivious; her noise-cancelling headphones were secure in place, and she’d likely thought the girl’s small shove to be Angus. She was far too focused on the baby gorilla to have a care in the world.

“She’s fine, Claire,” Jamie repeated, loosening his grip on her wrist now that Makenna and grandma were out of sight. “Her birthday hasna been ruined. She willna remember that at all. If ye made a scene…that she’d remember.”

Claire hastily, angrily, swiped at a few tears. “I know.”

A few other guests were giving them looks over their shoulders or out of the corner of their eye. Whether it was because they, too, found Claire’s daughter annoying, or because they felt sympathy, was anyone’s guess. Nobody came forward to offer support, but neither did anyone else condemn them.

“She’s fine.”

“Yes. She’s okay.”

“Are you?” Jamie tried to meet her eye, and she finally let him. She nodded minutely.

“Just…I need to forget about it…”

Jamie nodded. Claire crouched down next to Faith, tapping her shoulder gently to signify that she was coming close so as to not startle her, being that she couldn’t hear anything. Claire began signing to her, and Faith answered clumsily, pointing to the mother and baby gorilla. After taking a moment to blink away his own tears that he hadn’t let show until Claire couldn’t see, he crouched down on her other side and joined the conversation.

She was fine, she was oblivious. She was happy, blissfully so. Her birthday was still perfect.

But Christ, that had hurt.

At the end of the day, neither Jamie nor Claire had won the bet. Despite Faith’s awe over the baby gorilla, the cuteness of the red pandas, or even, for argument’s sake, the appearance of the tigers, they walked out of the gift shop with a mother and baby elephant. Faith settled into the stroller for the journey back to the car, and by the time they took Angus for a potty break and made it to the exit, she was fast asleep, two giraffes and two elephants piled on her tiny body.

“Hey,” Jamie said. He was pushing the stroller with both hands, and one of Claire’s hands rested on his, her other holding Angus’s leash. “I love you.”

Claire peered up at him through her lashes and pecked him gratefully on the lips. “It was wonderful to have you here this year. It was the perfect sixth birthday.”

“It was. Wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. It was.”

Her cheeks were slightly pinked with sunburn, her nose darted with new freckles. Her amber eyes were swimming with the colors of the sunset around them, and Jamie sighed in perfect contentment.

“Jamie?”

“Hm?”

“I love you, too.”

No, now he was perfectly content.

——

May 14

Claire opened her mouth again, waiting patiently for Jamie’s response, and she hummed happily when he popped another grape between her lips. She sighed contentedly, shimmying back into his chest. His arms snaked around her again, and he kissed her temple. They were leaning against a tree, covered by the shade, watching Faith on a playground. It was completely fenced in, the playground and an adjoining field. Angus was laying in the grass napping, off duty until Faith needed him. She was quite independent on playgrounds these days, preferring to stop around, climb up the slide and then slide back down on her stomach, bounce on the see-saw herself, rather than drag her dog along with her. It was a good thing, Jamie had decided. The only time Faith decided to be utterly helpless was when she wanted to be pushed on the swing. She could pump her legs; Jamie had seen her do it. But she would always and forever prefer Jamie to push her. He’d been up and down a few times over the course of the afternoon.

It was a beautiful Sunday, Mother’s Day. They’d had a picnic lunch in the field, then sent Faith off to play. It was the perfect balance for Claire; Faith was close enough, having a grand old time, and yet Claire wasn’t overworked or stressed. They could just be like this, as a family.

Jamie had recently refrained from feeling any guilt when referring to the girls as his family. It was not presumptuous, not overstepping. Not anymore.

Jamie and Faith had presented Claire with breakfast in bed this morning, but not until eleven. Faith was ready to cook and have it delivered at seven, but Jamie managed to keep her happy with Sesame Street, Disney Channel, and a trip to the florist until an acceptable hour for letting Claire sleep in. The pancakes were all, of course, Mickey shaped, at Faith’s insistence. Claire loved them, and told Faith as such over and over. As Jamie had carried in the breakfast, Faith had carried in the flowers. It had been a perfect morning that carried into a perfect afternoon.

“I don’t see her,” Claire said, craning her neck. “Do you?”

“Aye, she’s under that wee rock wall cave.” Jamie gestured with his chin. “That flash o’ pink in the window. See?”

It was a small arch made of rock climbing wall that came just above Jamie’s knees. Faith enjoyed heaving herself up and just standing there, and apparently hiding underneath.

“Oh, yes, I see.” Claire eased back again. “How long has she been in there?”

“A fair bit,” he said.

“Is she just…sitting in there?”

“Aye, but I think she’s been making a nest.”

“What?”

“Ye haven’t noticed that she’s been picking up leaves and bringing them in there wi’ her?”

“No…” Claire said, a bit dazed. “I was trying to look for her on the slides or the ladders. In the groups of kids.”

“When have ye ever kent yer daughter to be among throngs of weans?” He’d meant it as a joke, but she deflated a bit.

“I hear them trying to talk to her,” she said softly. “Asking her her name, how old she is. Will she play tag, or hide and seek.”

In the beginning, Jamie and Claire had switched on and off shouting over to the kids and telling them that Faith wouldn’t answer, but after so many times, they’d given up. Faith wasn’t bothered either way.

“She’s perfectly happy on her own,” Jamie assured her.

“You don’t think she gets lonely? Or feels left out?”

“Nah.” Jamie kissed the crown of her head. “Not every kid, or every adult for that matter, needs conventional companionship. If she was lonely or unhappy she’d be all over us, asking fer snacks or juice.”

“You’re right,” Claire acquiesced. “You’re always bloody right.” She swatted his forearm in mock resentment, and he just kissed her head again.

Less than an hour later, Jamie was folding up the blanket and rousing Angus. They were out of snacks, and by the time they got home, it would be time to start dinner. When Jamie had asked Claire what she’d wanted for her Mother’s Day feast, all she’d requested was something they could all make together. So he’d decided on homemade pizza with all the toppings that Faith could throw on it to her heart’s desire.

“Come on! Five minutes are up!” Claire called, making her way to the playground. Faith was still under the rock wall. When Jamie had given her the five minute warning, she’d been on her knees and elbows, her head practically tucked into the ground.

Faith crawled out of the little tunnel obediently, and Claire reached out her hand, and Faith took it. Jamie made his way over to walk with them to the car, but Faith started tugging back.

“No, Faith. Playground is all done. It’s time to make pizza. Remember? We’ll get your chef apron, and—”

“Sassenach.”

“What?”

Jamie jerked his chin to where Faith was pulling toward. A single brown leaf was stuck in the grass, just outside the perimeter of the spongy playground floor. Claire let go of Faith’s hand, and she scuttled over to the leaf and picked it up. They watched as she crawled back into the tunnel, and she emerged almost immediately, giving Claire her hand right away.

“Good girl. Thank you, lovie.”

Instead of making her way to the car, Claire inched toward the tunnel. “Mummy wants to see what you made.”

Jamie smiled, following closely behind. Claire bent down to look into the little hole in the rock wall that they could see Faith through before.

“Wow, look at that,” Claire said, her voice breathy. “You made a little nest. That’s so sweet, baby.”

Jamie peered in, his grin stretching from ear to ear. She had to have picked up every single leaf in the entire playground, the entire field for that matter. He heard Claire sniffle, and he stole a kiss to her temple, onlooking children be damned.

“Mummy is so lucky, Faith,” she whispered, holding up the I love you sign. Faith copied, pressing the three fingers together, and Claire kissed Faith’s sweaty forehead.

——

At around nine-fifteen in the evening, Faith was fast asleep with Angus’s head trapped under her little arm. They’d all three spent the night making pizza, eating ice cream, and snuggling on the couch to watch The Little Mermaid. Jamie ducked out of Faith’s room, buzzing with excitement at having Claire to himself once more, and he locked the bedroom door behind him to find Claire already stripped down to her underwear and bra.

“Damn,” she said. “You weren’t supposed to come back until I was naked. I’m not wearing cute underwear.”

“Bloody hell, Sassenach,” Jamie half snorted, half growled. “D’ye think I give a bloody fuck about yer underwear?”

He attacked her lips with his, and there was a feverish ripping-off of clothing and underwear until they were both naked and hot and pressed together. Then Jamie slowed things down. He intended to worship her tonight, intended to show her with every kiss, touch, and stroke how much he loved her for the wonderful mother that she was, for the woman that she was. For the woman that she was because she was a mother.

After he made sure she’d found release with whatever method she deemed necessary, twice, Jamie finally perched over her and slammed home, delighting in the arch of her throat as she threw her head back in ecstasy. He could still taste her as he bent to kiss her, and her responding groan told him that she could also taste her.

He refrained from taking her hard and fast, not tonight. He let her feel every inch, let himself feel every inch. How many times had they done this? How many times had they gone to oblivion and back together?

As a lad, he’d been told by every teacher he ever had, all of them Catholic, that this was a sin. Not really the act itself, but doing it out of wedlock. He’d of course grown out of that belief, finding nothing short of holiness whenever he laid with Claire. Though, actually, the act itself could be considered a sin even in wedlock if done for pleasure. Some people believed this act must only be carried out if the intention was to create life.

Claire clenched around him, and he shuddered, groaning into her ear, unable to stop himself from speeding up.

“Yes…yes, love…”

He bit her ear, listening to her commands, listening to her body, and keeping up the faster pace.

Creating life…Christ, if Claire wasn’t on the pill, how many times might they have created life since last July?

She clawed at his back, dug her heels into his arse, mewling into his ear. His wee vixen would meet her end three times tonight, perhaps four if he paced himself.

How many times could he have made a mother of her since last July? Mathematically speaking, only once, really. It had only been ten months since they’d begun. But to think, every time he’d had her, every time she’d held him in place while he found bliss inside of her…

It was almost shameful, almost beastly, the primal urge he felt to mark her as such, to have her carry him inside her like that even long after they’d finished, pill or not.

And without that pill…

God, yes, he could make a mother out of her again. And she’d be beautiful; she’d be a goddess that they’d create together with their own hands, their own mouths, their own joining.

It was that thought that sent him fully out of control, no longer able to spare any ounce of power.

“Yes, yes, yes…”

Her words slurred until they were one strangled cry, and then they were falling together, teeth and nails latching onto anything they could.

Afterward, they lie sprawled on the disheveled sheets, catching their breath, comforter and throw pillows hastily tossed aside long ago. When Claire shivered, Jamie chuckled and pulled the top sheet over them. They were facing each other, and Claire looked mischievous, as if she were about to suggest something else to warm her up. She didn’t, though, just kept looking into his eyes like she was keeping a secret.

Then he began feeling like he was the one keeping a secret. He bit his lip, debating opening his mouth to speak or to capture that exposed, beautiful nipple again and distract her, distract himself.

He cleared his throat.

“Can I ask ye a question?” He propped himself up on his hand, and she smiled up at him.

“Of course.” She turned slightly to see him better.

“D’ye ever think about…” His voice trailed off, his throat suddenly filling with sand. Or vomit.

“What?” She mirrored him, propping up on her hand as well. “You can ask me anything, Jamie.”

He smiled nervously and averted his eyes for just a second. “Children. Well, more, that is.”

Claire blinked at him, clearly surprised.

“I’m sorry if that’s out of line…”

“No.” She stopped him before he could fully spiral, sitting up and covering herself with the sheet. “It isn’t at all.”

He sat up as well. “Ye sure?”

“We’re…building a life here, Jamie. Aren’t we?”

Now she seemed nervous.

“Aye.” He sat up and took her hand assuredly. “That we are.”

Her tight face relaxed into a tiny smile, and she squeezed his hand. “Right. So…if you want more children…you’re allowed to share that with me.”

“I didna say I — ”

“Then why are you asking?”

He had nothing to say to that.

“You’d want that?” she asked, her voice suddenly quite small. “You’d want to…have a baby? With me?”

Jamie felt his heart leap into his throat. “Aye,” he said, perhaps too quickly. “No’ right away,” he remedied. “Just…in the future. I…ye ken I love Faith like she’s my own. And together I…we’ll raise her together. As ours.”

Claire nodded, her eyes misting.

“And I could always and forever be happy wi’ just that,” Jamie continued. “It doesna matter to me that she was…sired by someone else. No’ at all. But…to see ye grow round wi’ child…my child…” It was his turn to well up. “D’ye ken I’d give anything to have known Faith fer…even a day longer than I’ve known her…? To have seen her take her first steps, watch her grow from the size of my hand to a full little person…to have watched ye carry her, bring her into the world, hold yer hand through it. To hear her first cry…Christ.” He hastily wiped his eyes. “To…to have been there during her diagnosis, fer both of ye. I wish every day I could have all of it. Because to me…she’s mine. And I canna imagine it any other way. But I wasna there.”

“Oh, Jamie…”

“It’s foolish.”

“No.” She fervently shook her head. “Not at all.”

“I mean it’s…it’s wrong…selfish to want to have a bairn wi’ ye because I didna have all that wi’ Faith. Isn’t it?”

She offered a tiny smile, shaking her head again. “You silly man. You want to be a father, and all that goes with it. That’s not selfish. That’s beautiful.”

“Ye dinna think me a greedy, ungrateful bastard?”

She bit her lip, laughing through her nose, shaking her head. She cupped his face, her grin broadening. “Someday, Jamie…it would be the greatest honor to carry your baby.”

Overwhelmed with relief and joy, Jamie kissed her passionately. He hadn’t lied; he would be happy, more than happy, to raise Faith alone as his daughter. But he feared there would always be a part of him that longed for a baby, that longed to see Claire pregnant, nursing, all of it. The thought of having it someday was enough to send him shooting into the sky.

When their lips parted, Claire did not look as joyful as he felt.

“What is it?” he said immediately.

“Jamie, I…I do want it. I want to have a baby together. Someday. But…” She swallowed. “It’s not…a proven fact, but some studies show that it’s…genetic. Autism, I mean. There���s a high chance for a second-born.”

He nodded, slowly understanding.

“I say this with all the love in my heart for Faith, but…could you…could we handle a second child with needs like hers?”

Jamie’s brow furrowed, but he nodded without hesitation. “Faith is old enough now, we’ve got a system in place fer her. If we had to do it all over again with another, it wouldna be easy, but ye wouldna be going into it blind again.”

Claire nodded. “Okay.”

“Would it be alright wi’ you?” Jamie asked. “I have no judgement, Sassenach. Ye ken that. But you know as well as any that becoming a parent means ye’re to be prepared fer any kind of child. If ye truly think it wouldna be best fer you, or Faith, then she should be our only one.”

Claire waited only a brief moment before shaking her head. “If the doctor had put Faith in my arms for the first time and said, ‘this is your baby, but she’s going to have autism’…I wouldn’t have given a damn. I was already in love. From that first second.” She squeezed his hand. “I want that again, no matter what. I want you to experience that. With me.” She kissed him sweetly, gently. “I want your child, Jamie, no matter what.”

He was happier than he’d been just two minutes ago, happier than he thought possible. As he sealed that oath with another kiss, he knew it was time.

Time to put that ring that he’d bought in August to good use.

[thefallenbibliophilequote]

Clean

Loki x Reader

1989, chapter 13

"…"

Summary: It's hard to find the one, but even if you do find him it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work. Can you even make it work after he broke your heart? The answer to that is complicated, but it all started when you found each other again in the stark tower- and that's where our story begins.

Word count: 7,224

Warnings: angst, some unreliable narrator, and… closure.

A/N: this is the last chapter of the series (besides the epilogue) and so the secret message of the song will not be at the top of the post but rather at the bottom. A perfect closer. Thank you so much for reading this, I worked so hard to write it and I am so happy that I get to finish it with you guys. I am so emotional right now.

A/N: a special thank you @chrissquares for the amazing dividers she made me, and to @nacho-bucky for beta reading all of this!

No one is allowed to repost my writing or steal or copy my work! Reblog on tumblr is fine.

Series masterlist

Song on Spotify and YouTube

Loki sat in his room on his soft bed; he used the soft delicate covers under his fingers to ground himself as he drifted into his thoughts.

He loved you, he loves you, he will always love you. He knew that, there was no hiding it. There was no hiding the feeling that erupts within him whenever he sees you smile at him, or when you touched him and everything else faded away but your touch, or even the feeling thumping in his chest when he spent the day without you.

He was in love- it was as simple as that.

You loved him, you love him. He knew that, you never let him doubt it when you saw him doubt himself at the very beginning of the relationship. He was clever enough to know that you never lied to him.

Will you continue loving him when you will give it all up? When this is all over?

"You what?" Loki was sitting on your couch and you were curled up against him, you fiddled with your shiny new necklace, a bright smile on your face as you looked up at him through your lashes.

"I love you, Loki." You straightened up a bit more so you could get a better look at him. "I really do."

"You love the necklace I got you," He stated, looking at the empty box on the table and then back at your passionate eyes. He was scared of what he saw there, he must have heard you wrong because you made no sense to him. You always surprised him like that.

"Yes, I do love the necklace." You chuckled a bit and then you took his hand in yours, forcing him to look at you. "But I was talking about you. I love you. It's as simple as that."

But it was not simple, not to him.

"But-"

"No but. I just love you. I loved you even before we got together." You held both of his hands now. Understanding flashed in your eyes as you saw what lay behind his. "Don't you ever doubt that."

He squeezed your hands and leaned in to kiss you softly. He knew he loved you. But when he pulled back the words died in his throat. He opened his mouth only to close it shut. Emotions like the ones you introduced him to never came easy to him.

"I know." You said. And of course you know- you always do.

He sighed in thankfulness and you brought him to you again with your hand on his cold cheek.

He will find a way to tell you someday.

So why would you want to leave him- forget his trace on your life? He wondered to himself. People fleeting from his life wasn't something unfamiliar to him, but he has never been so sure of someone staying than you, ever since he found you on that fateful rainy day and every day that has passed since he never thought you would leave him out of your own will.

Being wrong about people did not happen often to him, he could read everyone but you didn't make sense to him now.

A shutting of the door knocked him out of his own head and of course there you were, studying him before you quietly approached him and sat on the bed.

Silence spread as you looked around the room, noting the various large bookshelves with the clearly well loved books.

"Your room is nice, it's very you," you commented over the deafening silence, you couldn't bear it.

"I always figured you'd like my book collection, and the balcony. I thought I could read to you while we are drinking your favourite tea and sitting out there. We could laugh at all the oafs that passed right below us." He let out a humorless chuckle.

"That sounds like a perfect day." You bit your lip nervously.

"Then why would you give that up?" now you turned to face him, you failed to notice the unshed tears on his face.

"Loki," you choked on your words. "I don't plan to give that up, I don't plan on giving you up!"

"But you heard what he said! And you want to go through with that nonsense, when I told you that I will figure out a way for him to leave you alone." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Do you really want to get rid of your powers that bad that you don't mind losing me, or even your Avengers family?"

"I don't want to lose anyone, I just can't stay with these powers inside of me when now for the first time I know exactly how they feel and what they do- I don't want that poisoning me. It's like a wine stained dress and I don't want to- I can't wear it anymore. I can't Loki." You went to take his hand but he slipped beyond your reaches. You scoffed and went and this time took his hands to get him to look at you. "But just like you said, I believe that you can and will find a way out of this, I know you will find a way for me to get all of my memories back- I don't doubt it one bit because you are brilliant and more so determined. So this is the way that I can lose my powers but keep everything else that I love so so deeply."

"But-"

"No, no but- I love you, Loki, and I would never give you up out of will especially after all those times you got taken from me and even when you left me. I will never let you go away. I know you can do this- and that is why I want to go through with this. I want to lose my powers, you called it ever since we met again at the tower- that is not my life, and these powers aren't mine. And that is my decision. Which is why I need you to understand me right now, I need you to understand that I'm not going to lose you, and that I still love you forever and always."

Loki couldn't help then, but remember you in your favourite dress standing with him and staring at the sunset, he told you he would always remember that moment-and he did, but it wasn't until now that he realized what you were asking him.

You never took your eyes away from his. You could see the battle inside of him when he finally relaxed in your grasp and pulled you tightly into a hug. But sometimes a hug is just an excuse to hide your face. You didn't see the tear that slipped from his eye.

"As you wish, darling."

•

"You're insane, you are completely insane." Steve shook his head and looked between you and Loki, before talking to the god. "How come you are okay with this? No, this is insane."

"Steve, I understand you're scared but Loki will find a way to bring me back- it will all be okay. It might take some time but I will be back here making sassy jokes at you in no time." You walked to him and wrapped your arms around him.

"Punk it'll be alright, just think of it like when you put me under again in Wakanda." Bucky chimed in and he wasn't wrong- but for Steve it only made it worse, first Bucky couldn't remember him and he lost him for a long time and now if you go through with your plan then you won't remember him either. How can he be okay with it?

"Loki, don't you have anything to say here?" The captain walked away from your hug. The god averted his eyes to the floor; he opened his mouth calculating his words.

"It's her choice captain, I had my own reservations regarding it," Loki now looked directly at the captain. "But all I want is what's best for her, I will do what is needed."

"What about Odin, huh? He can't just do whatever he wants- so what if he wants to take away your powers! I will fight him if I have to, he can't force you to do anything."

"Well Steve, my father might actually send an-"

"I never knew that was an option, I never thought I would be able to live like I used to- without my powers. I know you can get me out of this, I know Loki can get me out of it but I want this. I agree to this." You cut Thor off and brought the attention back to you. Tony rose up then.

"How do you know that you can bring her memories back, mischief?"

Loki scoffed.

"I only lost the battle of New York because I wanted to so give me and my magic more credit." Then Loki surprised you and walked towards the door. "Captain, if I may?"

Loki gestured outside and you were surprised at how Steve went without any issue. The door closed behind the two of them.

It was a while later that they came back and you could see Steve's eyes were red.

"Why don't we order pizza and you can pick a movie to watch?" he suggested. You nodded at him and you could say that you didn't tear up then but that would be a lie.

So there you sat with your friends- with your family, and you ate pizza and laughed at the movie. You talked about everything and nothing. You lay against Steve's chest and he hugged you as the movie kept playing.

You treasured every second with them. You knew you will come back to them soon enough but it didn't make you any less emotional during the entire night.

Just because you will not remember forgetting anyone of them, just because you won't feel the lack, doesn't mean you won't miss them.

•

You fidgeted with Loki besides you as you got ready to enter the room that will end all of this.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Loki rubbed your back and took both of your hands to stop you from fidgeting.

"Yes, I don't know why I'm so nervous."

"It's okay to be nervous my love, but I will take care of you."

"I know you will." You shyly smiled up at him and returned his hug. "I trust you."

Loki opened the doors and walked with you inside. The throne room looked the same and yet for you it felt the difference all the same. Walking with a different form of dread into the cold room and a loud beating heart- you couldn't deny the fear that still lingered there.

"So, you finally came. Step to the side my son." You scoffed at that when Odin rose from the throne, stepped down, and raised his long staff.

"Wait!" you yelled and grabbed Loki into a hug. "I'm going to miss you, even if I won't know it. Promise you'll get me back Loki, promise you will set it all back to normal." You didn't look at him.

"I love you, more than I ever thought I could. I know I claimed it impossible but I have fallen in love with you all over and over again." He pulled back to cup your face and whispered in a weak voice. "I don't know how to say goodbye to you."

"There's only one way I'd accept it." You smiled at him through the tears, "If you've ever loved me, say it like you are going to come back."

That brought a small chuckle out of Loki.

"Well then my love, it really was enchanting to meet you." he held your hand and bowed before you. "I'll see you around, my love."

You smiled widely as you curtsied and brought him back for a kiss. It was slow, delicate, and yet it held every emotion you needed to show and every ounce of love you needed to feel.

"I'll see you in a minute, Loki."

With a soft smile he stepped back from you, his own smile faded though when his father raised the staff and he heard a chant in the background and he sent an old ancient extortion spell your way. You kept your eyes on Loki, smiling at him and memorizing him. He will get you back, you will get him back. You had no doubt about it.

His eyes teared up but he watched you.

You watched him until the pain hit you and settled in your brain, until your eyes felt foggy when you looked on at the man in front of you, until white blinded your vision and everything turned black.

•

Opening your eyes slowly you saw the golden sun rays seep into the room from your window as you woke up. You stretched out on the bed and reached your hand out to your side and it was cold. You looked at your hand and at the space next to you, why would you reach out there? Something at the back of your mind felt odd but you shook your head- who was for some reason aching, and got out of the bed in your apartment.

You mind felt foggy, you couldn't remember even getting to bed but you must still be tired- you just need to wake up fully. It'll all focus up in a minute surely- you had no doubt about it.

You smiled to yourself as you heated water for your tea; the routine was familiar to you and helped you clear your head. You took the time to look around your apartment, it wasn't much but it was yours. You still remembered when you first moved to New York- it was so loud and foreign but you refused to let it take over you and so instead you let it be a new chapter, a new beginning, you let it change you into who you wanted to be.

You snapped out of your thought and made your tea like you always did, it was a Saturday morning and you couldn't wait to have a chill day in, reaching out into the cabinet for another glass, but you faltered- you must have forgotten that you already made your tea.

Sitting on the couch you saw the flowers on the table they were dying of thirst- you were never good with flowers, which is why you never got any. It was probably time to throw the flowers away, so you groaned before getting up and discarding them in the bin.

Finally settling on the comfortable couch you turned on the TV and flipped through the channels until you found your favourite show. Sighing, you sipped on the tea and enjoyed the content feeling this warm moment gave you.

•

Loki lay on the headrest of the bed in his bedroom. It was morning now, it's been a day since you disappeared. By morning gone was any trace of you from his life, and yet you still were all over him, he couldn't find a part of him that you didn't touch. He could never wash you away.

He saw you all around his bedroom now, with countless books open and scattered on his desk, his bed, and the entire floor. He searched all of them, trying to find what you told him he would.

But now all he found was an answer he did not want to think about. So he sat and stared at the wall.

The knock on the door hardly startled him, and he was not surprised when Thor closed the door behind him and leaned against it.

"How are you doing, brother?" Thor stayed put, noticing the blank look in his brother's eyes and the books that seemed to block his way forward. "Were you up all night?"

"How could I sleep?" he let out a bitter chuckle.

"Did you manage to find something?" Loki rubbed his eyes, he didn't know how to answer that question. His lonely heart was already starting to grow colder with each hollowed hour that passed through him. He sank into his mind again.

The captain followed him outside of the room you were in. he could feel his frustration and it matched his- just almost.

"What, Loki?" Loki continued walking forward until he found a vacant room where no one will see the two of them. The soldier stopped at the door for a moment, but once he stepped through then Loki closed the door shut behind him.

"I want to show you something, captain." Loki turned to him. Steve stood taller, his blue eyes were questioning when he saw what laid in Loki's eyes, it was the first time he was sure what he saw in the trickster was real. "But you are not going to like it."

"I suppose I did find an answer." He replied to Thor, remembering back to two nights ago, when he found the way out. Just not for him.

"Well, that is tremendous news!" Thor's smile dropped when Loki did not smile with him. "What is wrong then?"

"What do you want to show me?" Loki walked to Steve with two arms open and up in the air. "Did you manage to find something?"

"I want to show you a time from before you knew her, you see, I have always loved her- but I want you to see this before we talk." Loki asked him a silent question and Steve nodded when Loki put his hands on his temples and he felt a buzz course through him before he found himself sitting in an apartment he had never seen before and there you were sitting next to Loki- you looked so much younger, so did the god.

Steve continued watching the intimate moment between the two of you, he watched the way you looked at the god and the way Loki in turn looked at you when you didn't face him.

He almost felt uncomfortable, knowing that Loki out of all people was letting him look through his own mind and memories. And then he heard you.

"I could never be a hero." His look of confusion matched that of Loki who was talking to you on the couch. He could only assume that you did not know about Loki being a god back then.

That was when he really looked at you- seeing you. He opened his mouth and closed it, his heart sank when he realized what he saw in you that was so different. You were so… light, rather than heavy. Your eyes were brighter, and more innocent- more hopeful. And mostly you were just-clean. Clean of all the blood that you have seen with your powers, clean of all the guilt and hatred. He knew you were happy with them-he knew you felt the same way as he did- but you were different here, there was no weight above your shoulders and you were clean of it all and all that was left was peace and calm inside of you. He never saw that in you. As happy as you were with him and the rest of the avengers, and as much as he knew you, he never knew you like that- he never saw who you were before.

He took a moment to look at you again, promising to himself he will remember you like this- he knew now why Loki showed him this.

"Loki, get me out." He whispered with a defeated look on his face. A moment later he was back in a vacant room with Loki. "Is that what you want?"

"Do you understand me now, Captain?" Loki nodded and lowered his eyes a bit.

"I do." Steve refused to shed the tears he felt behind his eyes.

"I have decided to let her go." He struggled with getting the words out, but he knew he would follow through with his decision- it's what's best for you.

"You what? Loki, what do you mean you are letting her go?"

"I am not going to chase after her and get her back to me- that will only lead to bad things." Loki stood up from the bed and started to whisk the books away and back on their shelves. The night was long but he knew all that he needed to know now.

"Brother, she counted on you getting her back! She trusted you with that!" Thor has seen his brother act without a thought in rare times, but now it is clear that he has thought of it for a while and yet despite of all of its nonsense he still decided to act on that.

"She trusted me to protect her, so I am. Don't you think she deserves a life free of dangers and worries?"

Thor looked at his brother and shook his head, looking down.

"Perhaps she does, but perhaps you deserve a life full of love too. Perhaps you will get that once you stop self sabotaging any good thing that comes your way."

Thor walked out the door, leaving Loki in that empty room.

•

The rain kept pouring all around you as you walked through the park in the dark. You didn't know what it was about the rain, but somehow you found your peace in the middle of the storm, the more the rain gushed around, dancing with the wind, the more you felt calm surrounding you. You let yourself drown in the rain that surrounded you now until you could breathe again- standing there with your umbrella you decided to sit on a bench you found up ahead, you often found yourself sitting there all alone when you felt something was missing from your life.

You sat there in silence, letting the rain soak through you without it ever touching you. You opened your coat pocket and looked at the letter that was inside the open envelope. You've had to make up your mind at some point, every part of you should say yes and you knew that it did with every time you reread the message that was written inside. You were still a bit nervous, it was exciting so of course you were a bit nervous. You knew you would not say no to this opportunity, no matter where it came from. With a small secret smile you put it back inside of your coat. You brushed the place on your neck where a necklace should be and got up to head home, and as you looked up to the stars you could almost see a twinkle in the sky, from the brightest star in the sky.

•

"Do you think it's a wise idea, Tony?" Steve sat in the genius' office. Tony shrugged at that.

"It's been two months Steve, I can't take it and I know you can't too!" he took off his glasses. "Don't you want her back?"

"Of course I do Tony, but I saw her- she seemed really happy."

"She was happy with us too!" Tony threw back the whiskey in his glass before filling up another one.

"Pour me one too," Steve said and ignored Tony's look. He was too tired, they all were. "But I think maybe Loki was right to choose what he did."

"Then call this a loophole! As long as we keep it up, she won't notice a thing and then we will all get what we want. We can keep an act up and soon enough it will be like nothing's changed." Tony raised an eyebrow at him before drinking from his glass. Steve downed his- it didn't faze him at all but he wished it would.

"Okay then, do it."

"Already did." Tony smirked and Steve just groaned at his friend.

"Of course you did."

"Now we just wait, my letter was pretty convincing so I am sure she will get here soon, and then she will be home in no time." Steve clucked his glass with Tony's before walking out of his office and getting on with the stuff he had to do that day.

He took the elevator down to the ground floor and looked through the paperwork he had in his hands when the doors opened. He stepped outside only to see you walking to the receptionist's desk. He stood there staring at you as if he hadn't been tracking you for months, he noticed all the ticks you had when you were nervous. That's when he snapped out of it and went to get you before the Stark worker could talk or, even worse, recognize you. He could feel his own emotions bursting inside of him and he held himself back from taking you into his arms and hugging you.

When you looked into his eye and he saw that you didn't recognize him- not really- it hurt him more than he thought it would.

"Hi." Was all he managed to let out.

"Hi, Captain Rogers," you smiled at him and he found himself returning the smile. "It's an honour to meet you."

"Please call me Steve." He rushed out and then bit his tongue.

"Steve," you repeated and you were about to turn your head to talk to the Stark Industries worker when Steve stopped you.

"You're Y/N, right? You have a meeting with Pepper."

"Yeah I am, how did you-"

"I will take you to her." He turned to the worker and nodded briefly, "it's fine."

"Captain, I need her to sign in first-"

"The captain said we are okay here." You looked behind you to find a blonde agent that you recognized from the TV as Sharon. She looked at you for a moment, looked behind you, and then she sent you a small smile.

"I'll walk you up, is that okay?" you looked back at him again and you nodded, you didn't know why but those blue eyes seemed so… kind. Your nerves were already put at bay because he started talking to you.

"Yes, thank you Steve." You smiled at him again before he walked you back to the elevator.

When the doors closed you broke the silence, for some reason you could feel his nerves rise- you could see it in him, in the small ticks. "Don't you have other stuff you should do?"

He laughed a bit at that and you called that a win. Steve thought back to the day he met you.

"Yeah, but you seem much nicer."

"How can you tell if I'm nice or not? I never said I was nice, maybe I am mean and evil."

"No offence, kid, but you don't seem too threatening to me," You scoffed at him, and you didn't know why the chemistry between you was so natural, but you didn't care.

"How can you be so sure? I could be threatening, or I could even be a spy!" you raised an eyebrow at him when he laughed again, this time harder.

"I could still take you down if you are, it's easy." He had a shit eating grin on his face that you didn't like. Steve was waiting for you to retort back.

"Oh just fuck off!" you shook your head but then you burst out laughing when Steve replied, you were so much brighter and he loved it.

"Language."

He missed you so much.

•

You felt a bit lightheaded as Steve walked you through the halls, you walked with him as he told you that he will take you to the kitchen. It was eerily empty. The couches seemed so inviting and the floor to ceiling windows showed a stunning view that you could stand there and watch all day, now you wished that you didn't have the interview because all you wanted to do was stay right where you were.

Steve was worried about you though.

"Hey, are you okay? Is this too much for you?" He asked and you furrowed your eyebrows when you saw the concern in his eyes.

"It's fine, I am probably just worried about the meeting with Mrs. Potts, that must be why I have a headache." You ignored his other question and while it did seem odd to you how easy he interacted with you, you didn't question it- he always seemed kind on TV.

"Come on, I will get you some water from the kitchen."

When you entered the kitchen you realized where you actually were.

"Is this the Avengers' private quarters?" Steve faltered for a bit and when words failed him he decided to just nod. He cleared his throat before turning to you with a glass of water.

"You really didn't have to bring me here, I would hate to waste your time and intrude!" you took a sip. "I also don't want to be late for my meeting, which I already am…"

At the cringe in your voice he pulled out his phone and texted Tony about your situation, making sure no one will be around you just yet in case you will get overwhelmed. He couldn't know how the spell Odin put on you would respond to that.

"I talked to Pepper, don't worry about that, you don't need to worry when you are with me." He looked serious enough that you nodded and continued sipping on the water, you could already feel the headache fade away, Steve continued. "And you can feel comfortable here, I'm sure you will get the job so you will be here a lot- if you want, that is."

"Why would I be here?" Steve wanted to curse at himself for saying too much, of course you didn't know that detail- you shouldn't know that. Hell, you probably didn't know the details of what you will do- Tony could have bullshitted anything to get you to come here even when you had no reason for being chosen.

He couldn't help himself, he felt as if nothing has changed by the way you act and talk around him, but it was hard to remember that a lot has changed for him.

"Well, umm you see- it's in the job description- working for Pepper and all, it just makes sense that you will be here too because she is here a lot." He stuttered when you still had a look of confusion on your face, your head tilting a bit, you couldn't quite place him. "And also- Tony, they are husband and wife of course and- and he might need help too. Stark Industries is his after all so, that is what I meant, that's all."

"Okay…" you tentatively replied, noticing the blush that came up his flustered cheeks. He was trustworthy, so it is probably true. "I guess that I don't actually know why I am here- but this is an opportunity that I couldn't miss out on. I don’t know why he chose me or how he even knows me but- I want to be here, I just do."

The words seemed distant from you, and you looked to the ground not noticing the small relaxed smile Steve let out.

"Well, I'm sure you will fit right in here. Let's get you to Pepper then."

His smile only prompted your own and you let him take you to her, hopefully this will be a new start for you, and hopefully it will also quiet the small tingles you started getting in your head ever since you got that letter.

•

A month later you woke up to an alarm clock. You turned to your side and stopped yourself when your hand went forward. The alarm drew you out of your thoughts and you twisted around again to turn it off. You got up to start your day before you had to go to work.

You looked at your wardrobe before you decided to try out the shirt you got yesterday you couldn't help but buy it. It was in this beautiful shade of green that you were compelled to get it. You paired it with a tight black skirt and walked to your dresser. Opening it, you noticed a glimmer shining from the daylight that came through your window. You got out all the boxes and stuff that was blocking whatever it was from your view- you really needed to clean all of it, but you didn't care- you just wanted to get to that small box.

Like you thought- it indeed was a box. It was old, the golden glaze of it darkened but it was still beautiful.

"Now where did you come from?" you wondered aloud and you sat on your bed when you decided to open the delicate box. It was a bit heavy in your hand, you didn't know what it was made of but it seemed unreal- it was so naturally out of place with its beauty. You opened it slowly and in there you found a necklace, it was golden and unlike the box it was still shining. The symbol engraved onto it seemed so familiar and yet you could not remember where it is from, it was different from anything you have seen before, you must have bought it ancients ago. You must have. It took your breath away when you picked it up, so you needed air. You went out into your living room and there you sat on the couch, staring at it. Your mind was racing, no- it was searching- you didn't know what for, and tingles spread throughout your whole body.

You put it on and fiddled with it, the light weight of it on your chest was comforting as it lay right next to your heart.

You didn't notice the smile that lit up your face until you looked into the mirror before getting out of the door and heading to the Avengers tower.

•

Loki prepared himself as he walked the Bifrost leading to where Heimdall stood. He tried to calm his breathing and his racing heart, he felt as if he was going to pass out from the nerves. He just needed to get this over with fast.

Heimdall did not acknowledge the solemn look on the prince's face as he got ready to go to earth. He barely bothered to hide the dark circles beneath his eyes that could only be described as numb. With the black suit he was wearing one would think he was grieving, and maybe in a way- he was.

Loki fixed himself to stand up straighter and got ready for his journey. All he planned to do was go to the Tower, just to check on how everything has wrapped up quickly before leaving, and maybe in a way he wanted to be there one last time and see other people who are also living a life without you.

He nodded briefly to Heimdall and in a few second he was in the Avengers Tower, right on the top of it. He took the elevator down and when he didn't see anyone in the living room he called out to the AI and asked for Steve's location. He was a few floors down rather than in the Avengers' quarters.

He took the stairs down. The hall room was fairly empty. Different elevators stopped at the floor that was a pass-through to the Avengers center from the Stark Industries. At the other end of the floor there was a balcony that looked over the skyline of the daylight, it will be easier to call for Heimdall from there- it will be faster.

He walked forward and saw Steve and Natasha leaning against the main desk of the security guard.

He nodded to Steve when he spotted him, but Steve's eyes only widened when he saw the god.

"Loki."

"Hello, Captain." He nodded to Natasha who had the same surprised look on her face. "Ms. Romanoff."

"Loki what are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to come here to check how you were dealing with the group that took the weapons." The group that took you. Loki smiled shortly.

"Loki you should probably go-" the blond suggested and went towards Loki to try and lead him backwards to where he came from. Before Loki could question him, the redhead spoke up.

"Y/N is here, she is on her way here." Loki looked at Natasha and then at Steve who was standing in front of him.

"What?" Loki stammered, "Does she-"

"No, she doesn't know a thing, I promise." The god studied the soldier, his eyes sharper now.

"Then why is she coming here?"

"We hired her a month ago, so she could work here and we will see her." Natasha explained simply, blunt as always. He was thankful for that right now but he sent daggers towards Steve.

"I thought we had an agreement- that you understood."

"We didn't know you were coming. I do understand, and I promise that she is still safe, and she is having a peaceful happy life- she works for Pepper, not with us directly." Steve was quick to reply. "It was just too hard to say goodbye."

"You were not the only one who had to say goodbye." Loki's eyes were blank and Steve could see the hurt that seeped through. "But well then, I should go. I'm happy you got her back."

Steve stopped him when Loki moved to walk towards the balcony at the other end of the floor.

"Loki, you can come back too." Steve sighed, trying to get the god to agree to come back- he saw you being happy, but he also saw how you were lost- just lacking something a bit, he knew Loki was that something.

"No, I cannot. I'm a god- I could never give her the peace she deserves." Loki shook his head and lowered his blue eyes. He passed Steve and walked ahead when the elevator dinged and he looked up at the same time as you got out of it and walked towards Steve. When your eyes met his you stopped in your place.

Loki always loved when you wore his colours and now here you were- wearing his colours when you did not even know him. Only a couple of feet away, you stood in front of him and the world stood still.

You got out of the elevator and were walking towards Steve when you saw the person that was just a few steps away, in front of you. You were in the middle of the hall and yet you couldn't move yourself away, you couldn't stop staring at him.

You knew him, how couldn't you? You knew he wasn't from here, but he was different- it wasn't because you knew he was a god, but rather the feeling that came along with him and it felt as if it sucked you in.

You tried to snap out of it and you could suddenly breathe again.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to stare," you looked up again at the god who kept staring at you. Loki's eyes were wide, scared, in awe of finally seeing you again. Of seeing you not recognizing him. Before your mind could catch up you continued. "I'm Y/N."

You stretched your hand and walked forward a bit, waiting for him to shake your hand as you now stood a mere step apart. You got nervous when he didn't shake it, why did you want to shake his hand in the first place? You did not know.

Before you could take your hand back, his cold hand squeezed yours and you relaxed again, smiling shyly at him.

"It's nice meeting you." It's like you could see it all inside the shade of blue in his eyes when he smiled back.

He caught sight of the necklace you were wearing and he looked back up at you.

"That's a beautiful necklace." He said and you blushed at the compliment, his voice affected you in a way it probably shouldn't. You then realized you were still holding his hand and you took it back and fiddled with the necklace instead. You didn't see the hurt and disappointment in Loki's eyes when he too lowered his hand.

"Yeah, it's really pretty- I found it and I guess I just forgot where it came from," you looked back up at Loki who had an unreadable expression on his face and you didn't know why but- "but I still love it."

Loki swallowed and tried to form words while your own words were affecting him in ways you didn't even know.

You didn't know why you were so affected by him, he was so beautiful and your heart was speeding up and yet you felt so calm now, so relaxed, so- whole? You didn't want to break whatever it was that you felt right now, too curious by this feeling to recognize the two avengers that stood a couple of feet behind Loki.

"I heard you were working here, do you like it here?" he looked at you fondly, he just had to ask- he had to know that you really were happy like this, even if he is not in your life.

"Yeah, I do. I am so happy that I get to work here with Pepper!" you smiled at him, tucking your hair behind your ears.

"I'm happy to hear that, then. It's good that you are happy."

"The job is amazing," you chuckled. "But if you decide to throw another invasion, I hope you will think of me, I'd love to be your right hand woman."

He laughed and you treasured that look, you liked his laugh.

"As you wish, darling." He needed to let you move on, but he didn't know how to say it. "I won't keep you any longer, and I should go, but- it was enchanting to meet you, love."

You frowned at that, not wanting him to go. But you still had a silver of hope left inside you that maybe he will come back again.

"I hope I'll see you again, Loki." You smiled at him and he returned the smile. He looked you up and down, smiling softly at you again, before he did the hardest thing he had to do and walked past you.

You turned to watch him go, yet your mind was screaming something incoherent at you as if he was slipping away from your reach.

Loki walked out into the balcony with a heavy heart, but at least he got to see you again one last time, at least he got to see you smile and hear you laugh one last time. At least he knew you were happy now, and at least he got to call you his love one last time. He looked back at you as he got taken away and he found comfort he hadn't gotten before in your smile. And he knew it will be okay.

You still looked at him when you saw him get taken away by the bifrost, and smiled when he sent you one last look.

Then you turned your head back, touching the golden necklace again you smiled to yourself and stepped forward.

"She lost him, but she found herself, and somehow that was everything."

•

Tags: @ayybtch @buckys-other-punk @chaoticpete @madcrazy50 @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @the-departed-potato @rogerrhqpsody @onceupona-happilyeverafter-love @percabethismyotp14

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🍌Wed 2 Dec ‘20💚

Harry Styles Reacts to Banana Innuendo Rumors by Making EVEN MORE Banana Innuendos part TWO

Good morning/evening/night to Harry’s post and Harry’s post ONLY! (Okay that’s not true but it was definitely a highlight of my day). In case people haven’t seen it yet, it’s Harry in a light blue custom made suit putting a penis banana in his mouth. The picture is captioned “Bring Back Manly Men” so take a suck on THAT Candace Owens! It was only one of many great pictures in his variety shoot (including another, um, fruity picture of him biting into a pomegranate okay Persephone we get it), but Harry did indeed choose That One to post on This, the day after banana necklace dickscourse, BLESS. Harry’s interview was a little more in depth than they have been in the past, touching upon his feelings on race (“Historically, I can’t think of any industry that’s benefited more off of Black culture than music. There are discussions that need to happen about this long history of not being paid fairly. It’s a time for listening, and hopefully, people will come out humbled, educated and willing to learn and change”), as well as his tattoos (the only time he regrets them is in the DWD makeup chair), his love of reading, fashion and art, his exercise routine (Kid Harpoon couldn’t keep up!),  and his feelings on success and acclaim (“It’s never why I do anything...it's always nice to know that people like what you’re doing, but ultimately — and especially working in a subjective field — I don’t put too much weight on that stuff...Fans are the best A&R”). 

The problems arose - as they so often do - when One Direction was mentioned. The article said that “The proof [of the band’s benefits] is in the relatively seamless solo transitions of at least three of its members- Payne, Malik and Horan in addition to Styles- each of whom has landed hit singles on charts in the U.K., the U.S. and beyond”. Leaving aside the bad math (that's 4 people!) one name, of course, is notably missing: Louis has in fact enjoyed quite a lot of success both with Walls (remember when his album went #1 on iTunes in the UK AND the US literally 2 months ago?) and his pre-Walls singles like “Back To You” and “Just Hold On”. It got worse because the author tried to back up her claim with Harry’s quote, “When you look at the history of people coming out of bands and starting solo careers, they feel this need to apologize for being in the band...but we loved being in the band...I think there’s a wont to pit people against each other. And I think it’s never been about that for us. It’s about a next step in evolution. The fact that we’ve all achieved different things outside of the band says a lot about how hard we worked in it”. By linking her own words with Harry's quote she made it seem as though Harry said it to agree with her biased take, which we'd know he didn't even if we hadn't heard him say this exact quote without that slant multiple times before. Fans were quick to point out both to the author and to Variety that they were wrong (to describe the reaction mildly), and the author rather than fixing the mistake, doubled down and began blocking fans. Plenty of people were quick to say that of course HSHQ and Harry had approved this content, despite more knowledgeable fans trying to be heard protesting that that is not how it works. (Remember how just recently Vogue got Harry’s whole ass FAMILY situation wrong and it was not corrected until after print, for example?) In fact, even the magazine didn't really proofread this- the print version of the article is different and says, “The proof is in the relatively seamless solo transitions of at least three of its members - Styles, Malik and Horan”, effectively erasing both Louis AND Liam. It's an annoying take either way, but it's one the author more than likely picked up by doing her research on harrie twitter, not on orders from Jeff.

And because we DO NOT STAND FOR LILO ERASURE ON THIS BLOG, let’s talk about Liam’s Web Summit panel! It was 25 minutes of Liam and Marian Dicus (VP of Spotify) being interviewed about the current and future state of the music industry. Both of them, of course, noted that things had changed very quickly in their careers back at the beginning of lockdown, and how it had seemed surreal, at first, but that Liam had found that the way he was operating now (with Veeps and Tik Tok and Instagram lives) had made his platform a two way interaction with his fans. “For a long time I've been living in a dream world where I thought I was speaking with my fans but really I was just talking at them whereas we as artists ask a lot of rhetorical questions... I wanted to start a conversation”. Marian discussed how engaging fans differently WAS one of the most difficult things to puzzle out at the beginning, but that as months have passed, it seems artists like Liam have found a viable virtual future in the music industry (Liam tells us that he's been doing “stadium size shows” on Veeps which is an exciting clue about the mystery of how many tickets they're selling). They also went into the way music trends change as a response to social and political occurrences, how comfort songs gave way to protest songs this summer. Liam said, “People want their artists to have an opinion nowadays it's not that we can stay out of the conversation anymore-- and nor do we feel that we should in many places-- but for me it's a fine line because I realize what I do for people is an escape, people don't want things rammed down their throats every day and news messages from me about things that they don't want to hear about if they've come to listen to music, so its a real fine line that we kind of teeter on”. And about his opening acts, he acknowledges that his fanbase are mostly young women (based on the data breakdowns he gets from his team), and so he feels a responsibility to mentor young female artists in the industry so that more people like his fans have a voice. In an interview full of really fascinating music and technical discussions, this remained my favorite moment from Liam. Just like we won’t erase HIM, he refuses to erase US! And let's not forget our Liam alarm of the day-- it starts out absolutely adorable (“good moooorning!”), is hilarious in that apparently he just rambled completely unscripted and then they awkwardly cut it into 25 parts, but today's installment is frankly not relaxing! “only 23 sleeps til christmas have you done your shopping are you prepared” excuse me Liam YOU ARE STRESSING ME OUT. The promised relaxing sleep story affirmations are still 'coming soon'-- hurry up please I need them to decompress after that alarm!

Now for a lightning round of epic proportions: DWD darling pictures and vids keep comin’ and Harry and Florence are both looking GORGEOUS as Jack and Alice,  after the Variety shoot dropped ‘THE CAPTION’, ‘BRING BACK MANLY MEN’, and ‘LOUIS IS SUCCESSFUL’ trended worldwide on twitter, Tan France said “yes please” to Harry's banana post, Harry reiterated that London was home and he didn’t want to be in LA for longer than he needed to,Variety has its virtual show tomorrow at 5 pm PST so see you there! Veeps is sending out emails promoting Louis’ show to people who bought LP show tickets, fans have already started to receive their Louis Tomlinson Live From London merch, Trinity College in Dublin’s Law society presented Niall with an award for, uh, his Irishness, I guess? (Just kidding, it’s for “his incredible talent and work ethics which is famously underscored by a distinct humility despite unthinkable success”). It looks like he will be giving a talk when he’s presented with it, and I’m honestly really interested to see what it’s all about - is he...gonna be talking to law students? Idk but tune in on December 7th at 12 pm GMT to find out!

[literaryfic]

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: 빈센조 | Vincenzo (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Vincenzo Cassano | Park Joo Hyeong/Hong Cha Young Characters: Hong Cha Young, Vincenzo Cassano | Park Joo Hyeong Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, vincenzo leaves, set five years after he left sk, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, vincenzo and cha-young are exes, they were in a relationship before, Fake/Pretend Relationship, jealous!vincenzo, Jealousy

THANK YOU SO MUCH TO @trynatalktou FOR BEING THE BEST BETA I COULD’VE ASKED FOR. THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO HER!

Summary: Time stops, or so it seems. Vincenzo is petrified, beautiful statue of a man turned into stone. Her eyes follow the high bridge of his nose, the sharp angle of his jaw and the curves of his slender hands gripping the coffee mug. Ah, she thinks. This is how Pygmalion fell in love with Galatea.

listen to this spotify playlist while reading if you want to suffer

Cha-young doesn’t dream that night; she barely sleeps 5 hours before she finds herself knocking on Vincenzo’s door at 6 am. She can’t help it, being in a room just underneath his, so close after all those years apart. Yet, she doesn’t want to show him mercy. She’s here to torment him, the way his absence had tormented her for years. Maybe she wasn’t thinking clearly, maybe she probably shouldn’t seek him out first, or at all. 

In reality, Cha-young knows damn well that she’s trying to find an excuse to be with him, not that she would ever admit it to anyone. 

So there she is, pounding on his door at 6 in the morning. He stands there, wearing one of his expensive pyjama sets, dark circles sitting under his eyes. She can’t quite tell if she’d woken him up or if he hadn’t slept yet.

“Did you even love me?”, she greets him. Good morning is overrated anyway. 

He sighs, letting her through. “You know that.” 

“No, I don’t. I don’t know anything anymore, Vincenzo.”

She stops in her tracks, the world suddenly spinning around her. He’s standing behind her, a mere arm length away. She’s stuck in his gravitational pull, a planet orbiting around its sun. The sharp sensation of her nails digging into her palms is enough to get her moving. She sits on the couch, the same one she’d sat in just a few hours ago. 

“I did. I do.” He clears his throat, looking away. “Love you, I mean.” 

She nibbles on her lower lip, trying (and failing miserably) to ignore his use of the present tense. He loves her, still. She shakes her head. 

“Well, you seemed to be living well without me.”, her expression turns sour. Was it love to hope he’d grieved her loss as much as she had grieved his? 

Vincenzo finally settles in the chair facing her, running a hand through his hair. “There was a point where I wasn’t sure… I wasn’t sure if I would make it.” He winces. “During that time, my only salvation was knowing each day brought me closer to death.” He looks at her, gaze so intense it pierces right through her heart. 

She scoffs, “And I’m the dramatic one, huh?” 

That gets a laugh out of him, and suddenly they’re back where they first started, complicit smiles and knowing looks - them against the world. 

“Coffee?” he asks, eager to keep up the pleasant atmosphere. There’s still a lot that needs to be said, but she relaxes her shoulders, welcoming the lighter turn their conversation is taking. 

“Yes, please.” 

He busies himself with the instant coffee, that same yellow brand he’d gotten hooked up on while they worked together. “So what have you been up to, exactly?” 

“Jipuragi Law Firm just opened a new office in Busan, things are going well. It’s nice, we get to help people who need it. Probably not as exciting as being in a mafia war or whatever.” 

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” he gives her a cup of coffee and sits down next to her on the couch. There’s a safe distance between them, but there’s no point trying to shush the deafening beat of her heart. “Your father would be proud of you, Cha-young-ah.”

“You think?”, she sips on her coffee. She looks up from her mug, only to find him examining her face. His lips curl in a soft grin, and Cha-young thinks that maybe, just maybe, it wouldn’t be so bad if she kissed it. 

The loud ringtone startles her out of the daydream, and she’s not sure if she’s supposed to be annoyed or thankful. She picks up the phone. “Mmh. Okay. See you soon,” she drags out the last word, using the endearing tone she reserved for those closest to her. Mr. Kwon, her assistant, was asking her to eat breakfast with the team. 

“I have to go.”, she tells him, getting up from the couch. 

He takes her mug from her, “I didn’t realise you were here with someone.” 

She hears it loud and clear, in the way he fakes nonchalance and keeps his voice cautious. He’s asking her if she’s with someone and part of her wants to reassure him that No. There is no one else beside you. But then she thinks of the countless times where she’d cried herself to sleep, memories of them echoing into her mind and his absence carving a hole into her heart, and she can’t help herself. He had wounded her fatally and it was her turn to injure him. 

“Mmh.”, she’s not lying, technically. She’s there with someone, with people actually, just not in the way he means. 

Time stops, or so it seems.Vincenzo is petrified, beautiful statue of a man turned into stone. Her eyes follow the high bridge of his nose, the sharp angle of his jaw and the curves of his slender hands gripping the coffee mug. Ah, she thinks. This is how Pygmalion fell in love with Galatea. 

The empty mug drops to the ground and the spell is broken. Brought back to life, Vincenzo collects the shattered pieces of the cup, and of his heart, too. “Is he a good person?”. Unlike me, he means. 

Cha-young has to remind herself that he deserves this, that this is his fault. “Mmh”, she repeats. “He is.” 

He’s back to the coffee station, his back to her. “I’m happy for you.”, his voice is tight. 

“Thank you.”, she’s almost at the door when she stops. “Maybe...Maybe we could be friends.”

He turns around, finally facing her. The distance between them, from one side of the room to the other, feels insurmountable. 

“Perhaps. If that’s okay with you.”, he answers. 

She doesn’t know what to say, so she stays silent. Is it possible for them to be anything else other than a tragic ending? 

“Perhaps. If that’s okay with you.”, he answers. 

She doesn’t know what to say, so she stays silent for a while. Would it ever be possible for them to be anything other than a tragic ending? 

She finally settles on a simple, “See you around.” An open ending, then. 

She’s cursing herself out the moment she leaves the room. What was she thinking? Cha-young had just lied to Vincenzo about being on holiday with her imaginary boyfriend. No, she corrects herself, she had simply misled him and he should’ve known better. 

She could picture it already; his aggravating smirk, raised eyebrows and insufferable “Oh, is that so?”, after she’d have to inevitably come clean. If only she hadn’t been so impulsive. Vincenzo would figure out her motivations the moment she’d admit to the lie; she wanted to see him jealous, to make him think she was doing better without him, that she was over him. He would see through the façade she had worked hard to maintain. 

Flushing at the thought of the colossal humiliation she would suffer, Cha-young scolds herself. Focus. This was a war that she needed to win. Like a general preparing for battle, she squares her shoulders and summons her most loyal soldier.

“Hey, it’s me. I have a favour to ask. Can you be my boyfriend for the next two weeks?” 

<>

At 37 years old, Kwon Ji-hwan considered himself to be a resilient man with a good head on his shoulders. In the four years he has been working for Ms. Hong, carrying out tasks outside of his job description was far from rare. Those included, but were certainly not limited to: picking her up after she’d drunk too much, infiltrating a yoga class to seduce a corrupt official’s wife, impersonating a law enforcement officer and hijacking an ambulance. In Ms. Hong’s vocabulary, a “favour” almost always meant something illegal. Despite her… methods, Ji-hwan enjoyed working for her greatly. The hours might have been long but the satisfaction of winning against the odds of powerful corporations made up for it. Also, the pay was really good. Still, as used to her antics as he was, he would’ve never expected her to ask something so absurd of him. 

Sitting there, in Ms. Hong’s hotel room (which, by the way, was way nicer than the regular ones she’d gotten for her employees), Ji-hwan cannot believe what he’s hearing. 

“Let me get this right,” he says, adjusting his glasses with his index finger. “You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend in front of your ex, who you’re obviously still in love with even though it’s been FIVE years—” 

“Yah!” 

“—because you want to make him jealous. Did I miss anything?” 

“That pretty much covers it.”, his boss replies, not even bothering to look ashamed. He looks at her, shaking his head. “So, will you do it?” 

He sighs, “What did this guy do to you for you to be so hung up on him after all this time?” 

He was not expecting the sorrow on her face as she answered, “He was there for me during the worst times of my life. We went through hell and back for each other. And then, one day, he left without saying anything.” 

“Wait, just like that? He didn’t even break up with you?” Ji-hwan raises his eyebrows. 

“Nope”, she accentuates the ‘P’. “He simply wrote ‘Live well.’ on a napkin and I never heard of him again. Until now.”

He scratches the top of his head, “What a fucking jerk.” She laughs, it’s rare to hear Ji-hwan swear. Finally, he rolls his eyes. “Fine, I’m in.”

“Yes, I knew you wouldn’t let me down. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She’s doing her little victory dance now, shaking her hips in the least graceful way possible. Like every time his boss convinces him to blur the line of what is morally acceptable, Ji-hwan is regretting this already.

“If I said no, you would have threatened to fire me anyway.” 

“You know it.”

[klvbxlove]

omg (kanji & yu x gn! reader)

a/n: Y’ALL OH MY GOD. i’ve been wanting to write this for the longest time but never got the chance to ‘cause i was busy with other stuff. but now, i finally got to it! although i had to stop on a few occasions ‘cause writing some of the scenes had me blushing LMAO (PLEASE I JUST WANT YU AND KANJI TO BE REAL WTF). oh yeah, and just to clarify, i don’t own the song featured in this drabble! it’s actually pretty catchy (and spicy *WINK WONK*), y’all should listen to it. it’s a shame it’s not available on spotify or any other music streaming services, tho 😭

(GOD DAMN IT I WISH THERE WAS MORE YU X KANJI GIFS ON TUMBLR *CRIES*)

reader type: gender-neutral

reader specification(s): none

genre(s): lime, romance

trigger warning(s): slightly suggestive content

summary: on a hot summer day, while cleaning your living room, you decided to dance to one of your favorite songs-- and having sinful images of yu and kanji in your mind. 

song(s) featured: “omg” by itano tomomi

audio link 

lyrics (romaji & english translation)

lyrics (kanji & kana)

word count: 1.6k words

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

key:

(e/c) = eye color (n/n) = nickname (y/n) = your name

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

   君もカレも魅力的、OMG!    誰か一人なんて 選べない    試してみる? tasty    急に奪って今すぐに kiss me

   The song hadn’t gone into a minute, yet you could already feel your hips swaying to the beat. You weren’t even sure if you were cleaning your living room right now. It was more of you being distracted by the catchiness of the song and just wanting to dance. Every once in a while, you would lip-sync to the lyrics. Pretending you were performing it on stage. 

   But this was the type of song you would only perform for your boyfriends, Yu and Kanji. A private show, if you could put it that way. 

   ふと目が行く    その手つきにもう夢中    肩のラインも SO GOOD    頭の中は君と make love make love

   Due to the summer heat coming from outside, you turned on a fan to cool down. You could feel the air flowing your body and brushing up against your clothes (you were wearing a light, oversized shirt and one of Yu’s boxers. What? They were comfy!). But despite that, you could still feel some sweat rolling down. 

   You weren’t so sure if you were hallucinating, but you swore you saw Yu and Kanji in the same room as you. Shirtless. It was almost as if they were there (or it might be just the heat). 

   With their backs towards you, you watched as they were also cleaning the living room and getting more work done than you were. They were also affected by the heat, as there was sweat dripping off of them. At one point, Yu sighed and ran one of his hands through his gray hair as if he was getting tired already. You couldn’t blame him. 

   You also couldn’t blame yourself for subconsciously licking your lips. You really couldn’t get enough of your boyfriends. But the fact you got two of them instead of just one? You almost wanted to consider yourself lucky to be with such amazing men. 

   止まらない 想像が 伝わったら いいのに

   Oh, yes. Your imagination has gone crazy over Yu and Kanji at random points. 

   This song spoke to you a lot!

   こっちもそっちも捨てがたいの OMG!    早く早く私捕まえて    胸の内は nasty    シャイだから言えないの feel me

   You didn’t find any point in continuing to clean the living room. There would always be another time for you to finish up. So instead, you let your body move to the beat of the song. You had memorized the choreography of the song out of pure boredom, and needless to say, it was your go-to dance. Especially when you couldn’t get Yu and Kanji out of your mind. 

   You almost didn’t want anyone to know about how nasty your mind was when it came to your boyfriends. Your imaginations belonged to them. 

   uh yea yea    ah uh yea yea    ah uh yea yea    ah... oh, OMG! ×2

   You waited for the perfect moment for the beat drop. 

   And then...

   OMG! ×2

   It came. 

   You loved this part of the song. You felt a sense of boldness flow through your body as you dropped to the floor and continued the dance. Your imagination must’ve gotten to you, but you were seeing steam emitting from the room. 

   And it just so happened that Yu and Kanji were sitting on the couch, watching you (They must’ve decided that cleaning would save for another day, as well). From a glance, you saw Yu smirking at you. Meanwhile, Kanji’s face was turning a light pink while he bit his bottom lip. 

  Feeling their eyes on you sent a tingling sensation in you. And it flew throughout your body when you laid on your back and lifted your legs in the air as you continued the dance (**). 

   At this moment, you felt free. So free. It almost felt like you were wearing nothing but your undergarments. The air conditioner was able to hit all the spots on your body, cooling you down. But still, it wasn’t enough to stop the heat that you were feeling. And it wasn’t because of the summer weather. 

   顔がタイプ uh uh    なんだか気も合う uh uh    知性的なのも    他の誰よりも like that, like that

   Eventually, you got back up on your feet, but your body was still moving. All you could think about was how badly you wanted Yu and Kanji. Nothing else was your concern at this moment. You had no idea how long you could handle the wait for them, considering how they were still hanging out with Yosuke and Teddie.  

   2人きりだと 時が速いの    秘密のお泊まりあるかも

   And considering how it was still afternoon, you could have your boyfriends all to yourself for the next few hours. The excitement was getting to you--

   “Well, well. What a nice surprise we came home to see. Right, Kanji?” 

   ‘OH SHIT.’

   You swore your head could’ve been snapped off your neck by how fast you whipped it. Turning your head around, you saw your boyfriends standing in front of you. Yu had an amused look on his face, and Kanji was flustered. Almost similar to how they looked when you imagined them watching you dance. 

   “U-Uh, yeah. I guess,” Kanji mumbled as he swallowed a lump in his throat. He was already feeling something in the down area of his body, and there was no way he could ever try to hide it. At least only you would be able to see it. And Yu, too. Thank the heavens that Yosuke and Teddie (or God forbid, the girls!) weren’t there to see it, though!

   Meanwhile, you stood there in your spot, not moving a single inch of your body. You certainly weren’t expecting your boyfriends to be home that quick. Let alone catching you dancing to quite a spicy song. Were you embarrassed about it, though? No, it was mostly you being in shock. 

   And it wasn’t as if you wanted them to catch you.

   Yu chuckled. “Those were some interesting moves you got there, (Y/N),” he said. You felt like your eyes were about to widen from how his voice sounded (there was some lust behind it). “Never knew you were quite a good dancer until just now. Another nice surprise to discover, too.” 

   “It’s nothing, really,” you smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. “I just got obsessed with this song and wanted to learn the dance.”

   “We’re still not gonna deny that you’re good at it, though,” Kanji pointed out. At this point, he was surprised he didn’t get a nosebleed after watching all of that. His eyes were practically glued onto you as he watched your body move to every beat of the song. 

   How you didn’t notice him and Yu walking into the house in the middle of your dancing session, Kanji didn’t know. Either way, he couldn’t let out the noise when he watched you get on the floor. 

   Unbeknownst to you, Kanji’s imagination also went crazy. 

   “Aww, thanks!” you smiled, then bit the inside of your cheek. A habit you did whenever you felt flustered. 

   “But don’t you think you’d be good at dancing upstairs in our bed?” Yu’s voice suddenly deepened. It almost sounded like he growled. 

   ‘Wait, what--’

   “E-Eh?” you tilted your head. 

   “Because I certainly think so,” the gray-haired male said before he slowly walked up to you and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you close. When you looked at him, he had a sensual look on his face. A look that always sends butterflies in your stomach.

   You almost didn’t have the time to make a noise of surprise when Yu suddenly locked his lips onto yours. Your (E/C) eyes widened. But it wasn’t long before you gave back into the kiss. No matter how many times you’ve done this, you could never get enough of how Yu was a great kisser. It always had you melting. 

   In just a matter of seconds, Kanji walked up behind you and began to place kisses on the back of your neck. At the sudden touch, you let out another small gasp. Yu found the opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth. He also slipped one of his hands under your shirt and caressed it using his thumb. You let out a small moan at his touch, and Yu smirked into the kiss. 

   But it certainly didn’t help (or you know what? Maybe it did!) when Kanji subtly sneaked his hand under your boxers and began to play with the hem of your underwear. 

   Oh God, you felt like the steam was starting to come back inside the room. For all you knew, you were probably in heaven. But this was sinful.

   Yu eventually pulled away, and a string of saliva followed. With the smirk still plastered on his lips, he whispered, “I think it’s time we take (Y/N) upstairs to our bedroom and have them perform just for us. Isn’t that right, Kanji?” 

   Said boy looked at Yu and had the same smirk. “Hell yeah.”

   And before you could say anything, Kanji lifted you into his arms and carried you bridal-style. It prompted you to let out a squeal. 

   Yu chuckled. “That’s a cute noise you made there, (N/N). Although, you’re cute all the time. And don’t go denying it.” 

   ‘Oh, God damn it!’

   “Damn right, they’re always cute!” Kanji agreed.

   Yu nodded. “But enough talk about that. How about we head up to our room now? And don’t worry, (Y/N). We’ll take real good care of you, we promise.” 

   A clenching feeling was building up in your stomach, but there was also some excitement. So with a nod and a flustered face, you allowed Kanji to carry you upstairs with Yu following behind the both of you. You had the feeling you were going to be sweating a lot in the next few hours. Again, not just because of the hot temperature. 

   Not that you minded.

-

(**) if you watch the music video for the song and go to the 1:37 timestamp, you’ll see the move i’m referencing (i’m not a dancer so i’m not good at explaining dance moves LOL). here’s the link if you wanna watch it. but as an fyi, it’s quite short.  

[erismerald]

𝓐𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓵 (Ryo Asuka x plus size reader) 𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓮 2

Part one

And finally here is the second chapter of my new ryo fanfic, I hope you like it and enjoy it, soon I will bring the third chapter. I LOVE YOU IMMENSELY <3<3<3<3

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 : none maybe fluff 

✥——————-✥——————-✥                ✥——————-✥——————-✥

Some weeks passed and you, Akira and Ryo spent hours investigating demons, it was scary to think that anyone could be a demon and you didn’t know, however it was funny to be you taking care of Akira or Ryo whenever they got hurt, you felt like you were still 8 years old.

You left school and it was already dark, it was raining a lot ‘I love the rain but it could stop raining a little until I got home’ you thought while you opened your backpack looking for the umbrella.

You opened it and walked putting the earphones and opening in the spotify, the street was calm, it was relaxing to see the rain fall and to see the reflection of the light in the water pools, but it was still scary.

Lost in your thoughts you didn’t notice that a car had stopped right next to you, distracted you looked and scared when you saw the door opening next to you, you looked inside the car and recognized the white coat and the cigarette smell.

“Ryo? What are you doing here?” you asked confused because you saw him there, you looked at the back of the car, but he wasn’t there.

“Akira asked me to pick you up, he won’t be home tonight and we have work to do” Ryo said with one expression would be

“O-oh I get it” you got in the car putting the bag in the back seat, and you noticed a black sports bag “What’s in there?” you asked

“Clothes for you, let’s spend the night out, let’s go to the coast area, I have information of strange activity there” he said not taking his eyes off the road

“But I didn’t warn Miki-” you said picking up the phone but you were interrupted

“She knows you’re with me, she said you went to spend the weekend with a friend and forgot to tell her,” Ryo said taking the vape pen.

“You really should stop smoking that thing, it’s not good for you” you said leaning your head on your arm looking out for the lights and for rain hitting the window

“Want to try it out?” Ryo said stretching the pen in your direction you could see his smile even though you didn’t look directly at him “Okay, but that’s only because I never expressed anything like that,” you said, picking up the pen by putting it in your mouth, inhaling and feeling the smoke going down your throat, choking on feeling the smoke coming out your nose.

Ryo laughed when he saw your reaction, he took the pen out of your hand and made the same movement you had made, he was used to it so it wasn’t strange to him nor did he make you choke.

“Don’t mock me! arghh” you protested about his reaction

“Don’t worry, I will teach you not to choke,” he said, breathing out the smoke through his lips.

At that moment your heart stopped, the street light, the wind entering the car through the window, the sound of rain, the smoke coming out of his mouth, his serious look concentrated on the road…this sensation made your heart accelerate, you felt your face burn…he was hypnotizing.

“What was it?” he asked softly

“N-nothing” you said by looking away and continuing to look at the lights, feeling your body relax and fall asleep

𝓡𝔂𝓸 𝓟𝓸𝓿

It was very calm, I looked to the side and saw her sleepy face, I pulled the car to the side of the road and put my coat over her…In so few weeks I got to know her again, it was strange to have her around at the beginning, but now…. Now I feel that I need her by our side, I touched her face with my fingers, she looked tired, I don’t blame her after so long spending nights awake studying and investigating more about demons it’s natural that her body needs to relax.

I got out of the car and leaned on the hood, took a cigarette out of my pocket and took the opportunity to smoke before continuing the trip, I don’t want the smoke to wake her up.

In a few minutes I got in the car and continued traveling, I could already smell the sea nearby, we should be almost there, I looked at her at a glance and felt my heart accelerate her hands were grabbing my coat pulling it closer to her.

I ignored this feeling and fixed my eyes on the road… it was the first time I felt like this because I saw her do that, am I gaining weaknesses?

“Fuck Y/n what are you doing to me” I sighed

𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓟𝓸𝓿

It was all dark, the only thing you can remember was a silhouette, with several wings, blond hair and two crystalline blue eyes? you saw the silhouette walking towards you, when it was close enough it raised its hand to your face, its touch was soft and sweet like an angel? you closed your eyes and felt tears fall on your face.

“Y/n…” his voice, you recognized that voice…

You woke up in shock, you looked at the window and saw the immense ocean illuminated by the moon, you looked around you and saw Ryo sitting on the hood of the car, you could see the smoke coming out of his mouth, in just one gesture he threw his cigarette to the ground and put it out with his foot.

He turned around and saw your face awake:

“I was going to wake you up, come on, we’re here” he said, opening the trunk of the car and removing a suitcase similar to yours, and a larger bag, to be honest it seemed a little suspicious, but good we’re talking about Ryo, surely he brings weapons in there.

You got out of the car and you walked and you removed your suitcase following him to the hotel entrance. It was a small hotel, it was more a hostel than a hotel, it was right by the beach, and it had a fantastic view, it seemed cozy, but why would a demon choose a place like this to attack?

They entered the reception of the small hostel and were soon received by a lady with black hair, her clothes were traditional, she looked at us and smiled:

“Good evening, how can I help you tonight?” she asked, her voice was soft as a bird’s song

“Good evening” Ryo smiled and said “We wanted a room” You looked around the place, you had a small sale of souvenirs and postcards, you looked again at ryo who was still talking to the lady, you approached to listen better “Yes a double room please” DOUBLE?! you felt your face burning “Ahm…we don’t have rooms with separate beds I apologize” she said looking at the computer screen, 'Please ma'am can you check again’ you yelled internally

“Don’t worry, we’ll take the room anyway” Ryo said smiling and stretching his hand to get the room key, the lady smiled and opened the drawer taking the room key and handing it over

“Have a nice stay,” she said before we retired to our room “We stayed in room 306 is on the top floor” He said walking, and opening the elevator, you remain silent feeling your face warm and your breath accelerated, Ryo looks at you at a glance and smirks “I promised Akira I wouldn’t let you out of my sight for a second, he’ll be here by the end of the afternoon” The elevator stopped and opened on the floor of your room.

the rest of the way to the room was quiet, why were you feeling nervous after all? For him you were just a childhood friend, there was no reason to be nervous, still lost in your thoughts you two had reached the room.

Ryo opened the door and the room was really cozy, it was rustic style, there was a bed in the center of the room on the wall,  a balcony that you could see the ocean, there was a small bathroom, it wasn’t a luxurious room but it was a perfect room to sleep in.

You put your bags down and walked to the window that led to the small balcony, it was still raining but the view was fantastic.

“You stay here, if you feel like it, I’ll take a look at the area, try to go to bed early please” Ryo said taking something from inside the bag, and without being able to answer he had already left the room.

You took a deep breath and looked once more through the window before you walked towards the suitcase and picked up some clothes and towels to go to bath.You turned on the light and opened the hot water and let the bathtub fill up while you undressed… you looked at your body in the mirror…  "It’s natural that no one wants to look at me differently, no one finds someone like me attractive" you said, looking at your body… you were always very insecure, you were always ashamed of how inferior you felt to other girls, for not having a big breasts or an angelic body, you looked down to your thighs… you could still see some scars from some cuts you had made months ago, something that no one knew and would never know….

Your body trembled as you felt the hot water covering you, it felt good to have a moment to rest, in the midst of all that demon-hunting, you threw your head backwards feeling your muscles relaxing because of the hot water.

“Why did I have to have these feelings for him…” You sighed

Minutes passed by, you got out of the water and wrapped your body in the towel leaving your wet hair to dry naturally, you opened the door carefully, Ryo hadn’t arrived yet, you took advantage of that moment to let your body fall into the bed, you faced the ceiling, you still felt your heart jumping because you knew you were going to sleep in the same bed as Ryo, of course for him it made no difference but for you it was something you never thought you would do with him.

You put on a hoddie and some shorts and opened the balcony, you leaned your body against the parapet and watched the reflection of the moon in the ocean was enchanting, you thought about your dream earlier, who would that person be?

𝓡𝔂𝓸 𝓟𝓸𝓿

It was almost midnight, I managed to find some traces of demons in that area, tomorrow morning I’ll investigate a little more, I entered the hotel and everything was very calm.

I opened the bedroom door, it was all dark, I looked at the bed waiting to find Y/n sleeping, but her body wasn’t there, I looked around the room… until I saw her silhouette on the balcony, her wet hair, her body just covered by the hoddie she was wearing, without intention my gaze traveled through her body the way she was leaving my body tense, she seemed hypnotized by the moon, I walked without making much noise and put myself beside her

“The sea is more beautiful this time of year” She was frightened by my comment

“R-ryo, I didn’t realize you had arrived” she said with a slightly embarrassed smile, her hand was resting on her chest, my eyes went through her body, but something called my attention… scars… She noticed what my eyes had seen and turned forward pulling the hoddie down. “So how did the investigation go?” she asked before I could talk about the scars that marked her body

“It went well… I found out that there really are traces of demons here, tomorrow morning we’ll take the chance to investigate a little more” I said by taking a cigarette out of my pocket and putting it in my mouth

“Oh of course…” she said turning her gaze forward, I looked at her discreetly, a sudden urge to touch her invaded my body… I can’t do it, I can’t do it at all, it will just distract me from my main goal. but for some reason I can’t control my body, I try to control myself but I can’t anymore…

𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓟𝓸𝓿

You felt the sea breeze, the waves crashing against the rocks, it was a sound that left you calm, you closed your eyes to feel a little more of this peace, when you opened your eyes again, you turned to Ryo but his gaze was already turned to you without you knowing.

“R-ryo?” His body approached yours, his hand touched your face lightly, putting a lock of hair behind your ear, his fingers ran across your face until you reached your jawline, his eyes intertwined with yours, you felt your heart beating fast, it was like a dream, his fingers wandered around your neck, down to your shoulder.

“Turn around” he whispered in your ear, you were hypnotized by him and without thinking twice your body reacted of its own accord, you turned your body leaving your back to him.

His hands continued to go down your body to your waist hugging you from behind, his head landed on your shoulder, raised his hand dragging your hair to the side. Without realizing it, you closed your eyes until you felt his lips on your neck, making you shiver at his touch. His kisses kept going up until your ear came up.

“I don’t know what you’re doing to me, but I wasn’t supposed to have these reactions towards you” he stopped “let me hold you tonight, I… I just want to feel you close to me” you couldn’t say anything just nodded and turned to him.

He took you in his lap and took you to bed, where he laid you down carefully as if you were made of glass, he lay down beside you pulling you close to him, you put your head on his chest, feeling his heart, his arms wrapped you, in a short time you felt your gaze getting heavy and finally you fell asleep.

You felt the sun hitting your face, you opened your eyes with difficulty due to the clarity in the room, you looked away and didn’t see anyone, in a flash your memory remembered the events of last night, you blushed violently looking up.

“Why did he do that?”

[clockworkgraystairs]

Letting Go

Rating: M

Warnings: Major character death. Angst. Mentions of sex. Angst. Accidents. Did I mention angst?

Summary:

Cardan thought he and his family were meant to live happily ever after.

He was wrong.

Extra comments: I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.

Extra comments 2: If you’re masochist as me and wish to read this listening to some music, I’ll leave my spotify playlist “Don’t touch me, I’m angsty”

Thank you to the incredible @sweetlyvillainous for holding my hand while I cried because of this, for betaing later and for giving the extra boost to the angst. YES YOU DID, AND YOU’RE AS GUILTY AS ME. I love u. 

Masterlist   •   AO3

As dawn went on, Cardan looked through the window with hooded eyes. It snowed outside. How typical, he thought. 

Not long ago he would’ve been excited about it. The perspective of spending the day building snow castles and angels. Never a snowman, since his daughter had always claimed that was too cliché. He would mock her for it and build tiny figures around her castle. ‘The invasion of the fae snowmen’ he’d called it, despite the insistence of his wife about that being pure nonsense. 

He laid on his bed, staring at nothing in particular. From that position he would normally be able to look at her, snoring softly in the opposite pillow. That used to be his favorite moment of the day. Few minutes that he could spend watching how she slept, calm and unbothered. At least until he couldn’t help it anymore and woke her up, trailing her neck with soft and playful kisses.  

Cold sheets coiled around him now. A reminder of the empty space next to him that haunted Cardan at the beginning and end of each day. Screaming into the silence she’s gone.  

The morning it happened, Ivy wanted pancakes an old store sold a couple of blocks away. Cardan was reluctant to get up. All groggy because he and Jude had spent the night before rolling on the sheets, barely moaning in each other’s mouths trying not to wake their 7 year old. He didn’t want to get up. But his daughter was as stubborn as his wife. So Jude gave him a long sweet kiss and told him to go back to sleep while she fetched breakfast. 

He did. 

He shouldn’t have.

He should’ve gone with her. He should’ve gone instead. Or better yet, he should’ve convinced her to stay and make the bloody pancakes himself. Anything.

Anything except letting Jude go out alone. She was supposed to be back in a matter of minutes, but she didn’t. And he didn’t notice it because he fell asleep again. 

He missed the first phone call. And the second. 

It wasn’t until a tiny hand woke him up and handed him the cellphone. Frowning with dizziness at Jude’s two missed calls he was about to dial back when it rang again. 

“Hey babe, sorry. What’s up?” He mumbled, ruffling Ivy’s hair.

The voice that answered was not Jude’s, instantly startling him awake.

“Yes, he’s speaking.” Loud voices and sirens muffled the voice, making it hard to hear. “I’m- I’m sorry I’m not understanding, where is my wife? Give her the phone so I can speak to her plea-”

He didn’t record the moment when he put on the first clothes he found, nor calling his old college friends that lived two doors away to come and watch little Ivy. 

He didn’t watch for the red lights or cared if he’d parked the right way in the hospital’s parking lot. The world seemed to spiral around him, an unending parade of walls, doors, people in white or blue suits. Voices filled him with details but he could only partially hear them. Something about a kid crossing the street unsupervised and Jude running after him. His heartbeat roared in his ears.

“We’re glad we could reach you Mr. Greenbriar. It’s always better when the patient doesn’t have to go through it alone.”

“Through it? What are you-”

“I’m really sorry. The internal damage is too much...” 

The doctor’s voice faded away as they entered the room. Fighting to bite back a sob he approached the resting figure on the bed. She looked like his wife, but something was deeply wrong. Her face was awfully pale and her lips dry and bruised. Wires rested along her body. The monitor connected to them matched the aching slowness in her breathing. There was no trace of the playful Jude that teased him mercilessly day after day, stealing kisses from his mouth and knowing he’d let her do whatever she wanted to him. 

He found himself still standing centimeters away from her, paralyzed. 

The doctor leaned to touch her shoulder and whispered something to her ear. Her eyelids fluttered a moment before opening, not with the fierceness they carried everyday but tired, wandering. 

Pulling out of his frozen state he reached for her hand, covered in bandages and stroke it softly. “Jude.” 

Her eyes found him and a weak smile curved her lips. “You made it.” She said with a raspy voice. He kneeled, fully taking her hand in his. The door knob clicked as they were left alone. 

“Of course I did.” He choked out, trying to match her smile. It felt as if a thin string was keeping him together. “I’m here to take you home.”

Jude looked at him the way she did every time he promised to bring the stars down for her. She squeezed his hand with a nonexistent force that physically hurt in his chest. “You were always a terrible liar.”

Cardan opened his mouth to joke back but wasn’t able to make more than a suffocated sound. That’s when the first tear rolled down his cheek. He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, opening them as he felt her thumb wiping away the wetness under them. “It’s ok.” 

The string snapped. 

“No, it’s not Jude, gods I’m- I’m...” He sobbed, incapable of stopping himself anymore. “I’m so sorry, it was all my fault. If I’d gone with you, If I’d…”

“Hey, no. It’s ok.” She cooed, holding him as he buried his face in her neck apologizing over and over. “Cardan, this was not your fault. Please.” 

He let her hold him as his body trembled with broken weeps. Cardan shut his eyes close, hoping he would open them and be back home. Not here. Not in this nightmare. They had so much to do, so much to live. He was meant to be with her through everything. He was meant to protect her. And he had neglected everything for five more sleeping minutes instead. If Ivy hadn’t woken him up…  If he’d missed another phone call… 

If he’d answered the first damn time he might have had more time. There was an ache in his chest making it harder to breathe, to think. 

They laid together for several minutes, hearing nothing more than their breathings and the beeping machine.  

“Stay, my love.” He begged, the knot in his throat making it harder to speak. “Fight. I can’t do it without you, I’m not strong enough. I need you, we need you… Ivy...”

Something wet landed on his cheek. Only then he realized she’d started crying too. “You’ll take care of her. You can, you’re the strongest man I’ve ever known.”

He felt her breathing falter and he backed up a little, afraid he’d harm her but Jude didn’t let him go. “I love you. I always have, even when you used to make my life a living hell all those years ago. I love you and our daughter so much.” She said. Cardan sobbed again. Don’t, he wanted to answer, don’t say goodbye. Not yet. “And know that even when you can’t see me, I will be with you always.” 

“I know,” He whispered back, now wiping her tears away and leaning to kiss her. “I love you, Jude Duarte. You are the best gift life could give me. You saw the best in me when nobody else could and for that and everything else, I’ll be eternally grateful. I’ll... watch out for Ivy, and she will know her mom is a hero, I promise.”

She breathed a laugh and asked him to hold her again. He did, he clung to her as tightly as he could without hurting her, breathing ‘I love you’ on her hair until her hand lost strength around him. 

Until the monitor gave out one long final beep and took his heart with it. 

He’d kept his vow. He’d continued with his life, dedicating every second of it to take care of their little girl. To make sure she was happy and wasn’t that affected from her mother’s passing. 

Ivy was strong, and most of the time more mature than her age suggested. She tried to carry on as well. Even if sometimes Cardan caught her staring longingly at that spot on the living room where Jude used to sit and read his old books. 

But even now, months later, it was hard for him to get up from bed sometimes. To wake up from a bad dream only to realize it was real, he was alone. Jude wasn’t coming back.

Some nights nightmares got worse, not because his mind created new scenarios. Quite the opposite, it revived his worst memory.

Hands touched his shoulders, probably seeking to comfort him. But he barely felt them. He barely heard the nurses enter the room after Jude’s pulse stopped. 

He was aware of the uncontrollable way his chest shook between sobs. Pleading her to stay, to open her eyes just one minute more. 

Of how he clutched her hand as if it would squeeze life back into her. He felt the softness of her hair as he caressed it, clinging to her the moment the doctors tried to pull him away. The nurse started to remove the wires.

He dreamed of his throat tearing apart as he roared them to let go of his wife. Later begging to allow him to hug her for a moment more. Just a second. Just a lifetime. Please. 

Just a moment.

Cardan always woke between gasps those nights. Sometimes leading him to stay awake until morning, afraid to fall asleep again. 

It was on days like that that he closed his eyes and let time rewind. 

He returned to the year before, to the mornings when they decided who prepared breakfast with rock, paper, scissors games. 

To years before that, when still half asleep he reached for her and curled his arms around Jude’s swollen belly. Barely weeks away from welcoming their baby.

To the day when he’d held his girlfriend in his arms and waited for her to open her eyes to finally ask her to marry him. 

He knew he shouldn’t. In fact he was sure Jude would beat his ass for doing it. But sometimes he just wanted to feel her close only for a couple of minutes more. Some days he refused to accept she was not there anymore. 

A loud crash startled him, bringing Cardan back from his daydreaming. He sat up to look at the clock and frowned. It was still early for Ivy to be awake. 

He got up and walked to the kitchen, only to find the floor covered in white flour and his daughter on the opposite side with the face of someone that just got caught with a hand in the jar of cookies. 

“Ivy, what are you doing?” He asked. Gods, there was a mess. His mental energy didn’t want to deal with it at the moment.

“I...” She darted her gaze to the right, the same thing Jude did whenever Cardan found her doing something she wasn’t supposed to. 

He crossed the space, to crouch next to her and started picking things up with an exasperated sigh. 

She let out a breath in defeat and murmured. “I was trying to make the muffins.”

“The muffins?” 

“The muffins mom cooked for us every Christmas.” Ivy said as if he’d missed the most obvious thing. 

Fuck. He looked at the calendar hanging on the wall behind him. December 24th. Fuck, fuck. How had he overlooked the date? They’d received an invitation to celebrate Christmas with their friends and another one from Jude’s family. He had intended to answer back. 

“Oh honey…you needn’t.” Cardan turned back to her and took her little hand between his.

“I know. But I wanted to cheer you up.” Ivy’s voice was low. “You’re sad all the time, dad… I thought... maybe mommy’s muffins would help.”

A pang of guilt stung in his chest. Fuck, he tried so hard to keep his emotions at bay around her. Washing his face with frozen water hoping it would take away the redness around his eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat and opened his mouth but no words came out so he just pulled his child into a tight hug. 

“I’m so sorry, I-”

“Don’t be,” She interrupted him, clinging to his neck. “I miss her too.”

Blinking back the tears, he pulled back to cup her cheeks. “There is nothing that cheers me up more than you, sweetie. You know that right?”

Ivy’s chocolate eyes shimmered as she nodded. 

Cardan took a deep breath and pulled her up so she was sitting on top of the counter. “Now, you know I suck at cooking those infamous muffins,” He grimaced. Ivy chuckled and bit her lip, totally not denying his statement. “So how about if instead of those, I prepare you my ultra special pancakes?”

Her gaze widened. “With whipped cream and fruit??”

He nodded. The excited squeal of his daughter warmed his heart in that unique way only she could achieve. 

With Ivy’s help, the pancakes were made in little time. Even if all she did was jump around  the kitchen singing Christmas carols. 

Just as he was about to serve the table, she stopped him. “Dad, can we go eat breakfast with mommy?”

Cardan paused, not sure if he’d listened correctly. “With mommy?”

“Yeah, you know, like those days when we went out on picnics.” She said. Excitement floored from every single one of her pores. “She loved Christmas, I’m sure she’ll be glad to see us too!”

He wanted to say no, not knowing if he would make it. It’s too soon, the words hug there in the tip of his tongue. But looking at Ivy and her puppy eyes, he couldn’t. 

~

Covered in scarves and warm coats they arrived at the cemetery. It was a beautiful place, if he was honest. Tall trees and some flowers grew along, giving it the appearance of a valley despite the cold weather. It looked so peaceful. Even if snow covered some parts of it.

Cardan carried a bag filled with the food and a blanket to use as tablecloth. Ivy played with the snow as they walked, and gasped at the sight of her mother’s tombstone. Letting go of Cardan’s hand, she ran towards it. A big smile shining on her face. 

He stopped meters away from it, unsure of his decision. His heart hammered on his chest and he could see the steam formed by his shaky breathing. 

Ivy turned and motioned him to come closer. 

As he approached, he heard the cheerful chatter of his daughter, making him frown. 

“...so I tried to be as quiet as possible, but then the flour fell!” She laughed and darted her gaze to him again. “That’s why daddy caught me, right dad?”

Cardan hesitated. “Uh, yeah… that’s when I found you covered in powder.”

He peered at the marble figure, intentionally avoiding the picture under the letters forming her name. 

After setting the food they ate. Ivy barely chewed her food between words, since she was deeply invested in whatever conversation she was having with her mother. Cardan just listened. She spoke about her school, her exams with almost perfect grades. About aunt Liliver announcing she and uncle Van were expecting a baby, a thing Ivy wasn’t so sure to like since that would probably remove her from ‘the favorite’ position. She talked about the blanket forts Cardan taught her to build and the new books he’d read to her. Occasionally, she would laugh as if she’d listened to something incredibly funny. 

They built a snow castle with the few snow that was gathered around, at least before Ivy accidentally threw a snowball to his chest. The snowball war that unleashed after had them growling and squealing for several minutes. It ended up with both of them lying down on the blanket, tired and giggling. 

He sat up to ruffle her hair and sighed. “It’s time to go, little one.” 

Ivy whined. “So soon?”

“We can return some other day…” That lit her face back up. “But your aunt Lil invited us to a party today. Do you want to go?”

She yelped. “With Christmas gifts?”

“Yeah.” Cardan winked. 

Once everything was back in the bag Cardan started walking, but a tug on his sleeve stopped him. 

“Aren’t you going to say goodbye to mommy?” 

He didn’t answer. 

“C’mon dad, go. I’ll wait for you over there.” She signaled a big space where rocks made an odd figure. That said, she was gone.

Haltingly, Cardan turned back to face the tombstone. 

Air seemed to have flown out of his lungs. What was he supposed to say? He looked down and shuffled his foot in the snow. His grip tightened around the bag’s handle. 

He used to spend the nights thinking of all the things he would’ve liked to say to her. But as it was, all of them apparently had vanished into the air. Should he say he loved her? That everything was okay?

“I hate you.” Was what came out. Cardan scoffed and swallowed. That was definitely not what he was thinking. “That is a lie. But I guess you already know it, don’t you?” 

“Sometimes I wish I could hate you though... Maybe it would make it easier. Because sure as hell it’s not.” His voice was hoarse. “I’m trying. I promised you I would but… I miss you all the fucking time, Jude. I can’t go to bed at night without thinking you’re not there by my side anymore.”

He paused and rubbed his eyes. Cardan flashed quick glances to Ivy, trying to find the strength. But once he faced Jude’s picture again, the pressure on his chest was nearly unbearable.

“Everyday something happens that I would like to tell you. When Ivy or any of our friends do something I find hilarious I turn to make sure you saw it too just to find an empty space and I… I hate it.”

“I hate not being able to hug you, I hate not feeling your hands playing with my hair in the morning. I hate not being able to tell you everyday how much I still love you. I hate that Ivy notices how much I struggle with it. I hate not being as strong as you were.”

He spilled the words so fast they were probably intelligible, but he didn’t care anymore.

“Ivy… she’s an amazing little girl, you know? Everyday she does something new that is clever, or brave… and she reminds me so much of you.” A sob broke through him. He turned to look at her, auburn curls bouncing everywhere. Taking a steadying breath he brought back his gaze to the tomb.

“I just hope she’s not as good with  lies or I will be totally screwed.” He let out a low chuckle. “You should be proud of her.”

Before he could say something else something warm spread down his shoulders to his arms and chest. If he was drunk he would say it resembled the feeling of a hug. The pressure on his chest slowly disappeared as tears rolled down his cheeks. 

Not knowing exactly how or why, a weight on his shoulders he hadn’t realized he had, was gone from a moment to another.

“I love you, Jude Duarte.” He breathed. “You will have my heart always, and when this life ends I’ll find you again to give it to you once more.”

Giving a final look to the picture he’d been avoiding since they arrived, he gave a weak smile, wiped the tears away and turned to go find his daughter. 

“Goodbye, my sweet villain.”

A Christmas party with his family (because that’s how he considered his friends), awaited. He found Ivy marching on top of the rocks, claiming it was a conquered fae castle and she, the new Queen. He chuckled and motioned her to return. 

As they walked back to the car, she grabbed his hand and gave him a knowing look. Even when you can’t see me, I will be with you always.

The next morning when he opened his eyes the empty spot was still there. But for the first time in months, he welcomed the memories of his Jude with a longing smile. 

----------------------------

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