#srsly dont if you know irl

[tittysuckersworld]

linearts of wips!! also if you can guess what the second ones about you will get a free art from me-(hint its supposed to be a meme for pride and youd need to know me well to figure it out good ;> can answer either meme topic or why its those characters specifically)

[j0ht0-gh0sthunt3r]

sometimes i ask myself what im doing with my life. then i remember that im risking my life in the field observing and documenting anomalies like an SCP researcher while mila stays home and plays the sims

[infizero]

every time jesse and lake blush around each other i just

[tear-my-heart-out-2]

how do i politely tell someone i want them to pin me to the nearest wall and make me cry??

[shadowbannedthehedgehog]

jail for 10000 years for everyone who passed around those oh if an inactive blog has -deactivated[date] op deactivated. if not staff definitely no other options available terminated them. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO that is literally not true. if you don't know how tumblr actually works why are you trying to tell people how it works? now 90% of the userbase is running around like headless chickens spreading misinfo and not even bothering to fact check and when you check the notes of the post the op is there like hi it's me no that was a sideblog i deleted myself or hi it's me i just changed my url. like how tf do yall even expect to be taken srsly if you dont actually know how tumblr works and you're running around conflating a situation based on misinformation like is this how yall act irl or do yall just lose common sense online fr

[ninathekillerzblog]

Rant about Nina Hopkins / Nina The Killer as a character

so i like nina a lot.... could u guys tell...... i bet u couldnt.... no but srsly i like her because her story has a lot more to it then "i went crazy and killed my entire family" she had LAYERS she didnt want to kill her brother nor did she start out crazy - nobody did tbh but she didnt start off hating her family like some of the other pastas nor was her family bad to her, she was a normal kid !!!!

she was bullied because of her interests and literally just being herself, thats what resonates with me because that happens irl!!! its not just "oh shes ugly" its was her interests and her being HERSELF!!! and i think shes very neurodivergent coded, like her hyperfixation couldve been jeff considering how much she focused on him without even trying to be obsessed with him

her story is so much more than what google says or whatever, even the creator of nina has said so themselves!!! "Nina was once a normal fangirl of Jeff the Killer but turned into an insane and remorseless serial killer after one horrible day at school." NOOOO thats not it ughh fandom wiki why are you SO dumb, it didn't just happen in a day. her backstory happened over weeks and a large time frame of her slowly losing her sanity, jeff slowly manipulated her into becoming what she did

she didnt just decide to comit to being a murderer over night, she didnt want to kill her brother she was tricked into thinking she was saving him from the world when she WASNT ughh. Jeff knew what he was doing and the creator also didnt just make nina admire her because the creator liked jeff, no, the creator of nina knew how to properly write manipulation and they knew that jeff was in the wrong in that story. YOU DONT SEE THAT OFTEN IN CREEPYPASTA BACKSTORIES

in many oc backstories they're all like, "slenderman saved me from my abusive family." but with nina the creator KNEW jeff was bad and wrote it like that on purpose because it wasnt meant to be romantic it was meant to be an outlet oc. Nina wanted to protect her brother and idolized Jeff for "protecting" his brother when in reality he screwed up the both of their lives, Nina didn't realize that because she was a TEENAGER!!!! She didn't know any better and she doesn't deserve the hate she recieved. im not playing the age card but cmon, she faced all that hate and bullying of course she's going to believe the first person who tells her that shes worthy of love and shes capable of something.

"Nina was the reflection of everyone who admired Jeff and wanted justice as he did." Nina's creator was 13 years old when nina was made, she was bullied irl a lot. A LOT. She had nina as an outlet and a comfort oc who admired Jeff and wanted JUSTICE like he did because he stopped his bullies. She is so much more than a fangirl omg.

the attached photo is from the creators rant where they abandoned nina as an oc, that was the last paragraph. "I want to hug Nina and, maybe, give her the well-deserved story one day, something interesting and true to the creepypastas,

maybe someday."

in the rant the creator talks about how they would wake up every single day to 25+ comments of people telling them to kill themselves, that their oc sucks, and drawings of peoples own creepypasta ocs killing nina

but through it all they were still like, "not everyone will like her! thats okay, because i do." BUT the hate got to much for a 14 year old and they talked about how theyd cry every night omggg

ninas creators post if ur interested

nobody deserves to go through what they did

[dustorange]

Genuinely seriously asking what is the secret sauce u it into dick grayson characterization because it is so seriously brilliant and enchanting and addictive. Like what is your secret)? /srs <3

scream thank u so muchly this is like the biggest honor u r sooo darlinggg 😭i think my main deal is that

I have a lot of common personal icks that i try rly hard to STAY AWAY FROM (i Haaaaaaaaaate characters having broken noses/nosebleeds, contemporary memetalk, italicized standalone onamoteopias, etc) bc they totally put me on edge and i think a lot of people share the same sensisibilities so its like a lowstress reading environment

i dont rly write introspection i just write the actions and emotions happening so ppl can put in dicks head whatever they want

ive gotten to be around people who srsly have a Soul that u can just sense and i write dick with those experiences in mind. Like everybody yes everybody does have a soul but like 80% or 90% of the time irl u can talk to someone and they can be having the most intense emotional response or wicked intelligent or crushingly kind but it’s still like WHY ISNT THERE A SPARK HERE why isnt there anything in your eyes there’s some missingquality there’s a gap a space unbridged like idk how to describe it but there’s a soulquality or soul presence that u can sense, but maybe only ever sense, not measure or diagnose, in some people. and bad mean stupid people can have the soul or great kind intelligent people can have the soul or anyone in between there isnt really a set of characteristics but you know it when you see it and it’s just like a wild magic and i think dick is one of those people and so i try to write it with this sense that he’s hyperalive and has that soulthing this sounds sooooo dumb woowoo crunchymom but its what i feel so strongly

[flowersbark]

Holy shit. Okay. Hi. I’m also a csa survivor. I’m legit so desperate for anything sort of recognition on this issue I’ve been having for almost 2 years now. https://www.tumblr.com/flowersbark/740288973409288192/fellas-is-it-a-proship-to-project-cocsacsa-on

It relates to this post, except I am going to get EXTRA personal on this.

Tw for r//pe, gr///ming, Self-h//rm, and csa (obvsly)

Okay so I also really really reallyyy don’t like proshippers, I am hypersexual, and I have zero access to any sort of help atp in my life. Now that I have those things out of the way right now, I am essentially in a dilemma a lot like that post. One major problem, it’s not me JUST wanting to project, it’s me wanting to BE in that spot of the victim again for some reason. And I mean like srsly getting assaulted again and all that horrible stuff. Like, i THINK these ideas, thoughts, and urges I have are called “intrusive thoughts”?? But I’m not sure. I’m disturbed by them regardless.

This has been so frustrating to deal with bc first of all, I’m not a victim to gr//ming, second, yes, I am a victim of csa at a young age, and third, I find myself having some sort of YEARNING to be hurt in such a way. (Not cocsacsa, just to not let things get mixed up btw) I have looked around on the internet for so long about this issue and I find NOTHING on it, like, am I just going crazy? Am I trying to cope with it in the worst way possible? Like, I genuinely don’t know, and it drives me mad because on one hand, I have this massive theory that it’s a mental attempt of “self- h//rm”, and then on the other hand, it’s a bizarre extreme version of yearning for touch and affection, but I’m just so unsure because I can’t find any other personal accounts of anyone else!

I acknowledge that your post wasn’t about this oddly specifc scenario, and I’m so sorry that this is so out of pocket, and possibly even counterproductive (idk) but as another csa victim, would you be able to offer some sort of insight? Is that something I can even ask for on here? It’s okay if you can’t, or don’t want to, I fully understand if I just never see a response to this. I really hope things get better for you and that you’re a having at the very least, a decent day regardless. Thank you.

Also p.s., sorry for not being able to answer that question, I myself am also uncertain on a definite answer for that. Like, the most I can say is that I think it’s okay to explore unhealthy dynamics, so long as they’re both acknowledged as bad/unhealthy/traumatizing things, and not put out to the public since people can take/look at things and get weird and nasty🤢 (so generally just used in a private and secure setting)

HI !!! uhh

first off, yes you can ask for advice, insight, anything. thats why i made this blog, other than to just vent to strangers. second, thank you for giving me your opinion on the csa proship situation.

i do think what you're going through are intrusive thoughts, and i get those a lot too. especially about going through what i did again, or worse. i also fucking HATE those thoughts, especially because my mind makes it by people i know irl, especially classmate im close to. it makes me feel disgusting and like im sexualizing and making my classmates horrible people when they ARENT. intrusive thoughts arent a reflection of who you are, theyre a reflection of who you DONT want to be, thats why theyre so disturbing.

again, the almost yearning for it is intrusive. it's also a trauma response. like how people who are used to being mentally abused will seek out and be with people that will treat them like that, its kinda like that. its not a good way to cope, but its not the WORST. as the absolute worst would be repeating the cycle.

im sorry if this doesn't help, its kinda just my word vomit with no revisions,, but i hope it does. it gets better, i promise. keep going.

[vorecommunitywoes]

anyway hi pine

Something they said about someone labeling them a groomer aka turning someone into red paste is no excuse to make a callout." absolutely no one called them a groomer, and that was also not the only reason why there was a callout post. they were just fantasizing about being violent towards a hypothetical person calling them a groomer

again expressing graphic violence against other ppl is generally seen as bad and weird

the sfw community is playing this down because they want to be able to interact with porn blogs without consequence, srry to say. the rules only apply when THEY feel hurt, not if they hurt other ppl

"If someone is caling your actioms stupid thats not ableist." calling someone an idiot is not calling their actions stupid, it is imposing ur view of them as someone who is disabled. words mean things. tinysuzy literally said she was "mentally concerned for my mental comprehension", seeing me as someone lower than her, that is NOT criticizing my actions, thats, again, the same as saying u think someone is mentally disabled. if u can explain why comparing someones negative actions to disabilities isnt ableism aside from "everyone does it" that would be an interesting read. using disabilities in negative language affects how u see disabled people, making those connected of disabled people as being something undignified and being OK to use for insults. it is entirely about demeaning someone u dont like or who made a mistake and comparing them to someone mentally disabled. this is wrong, dont u think? why or why not?

"If your disability made you sct poorly, its not an excuse its an explanation." i mean yeah obviously. no one is arguing this! ppl who act poorly as a result of their disabilities can still b talked to, or if it is severely life affecting they should seek support when possible!

",no one is targeting your disability they are targtting your actions" saying ur worried about someones "mental comprehension" is NOT targeting their actions! neither is calling them mentally lesser by saying they arent "the sharpest tool in the shed". that is just calling them mentally handicapped

turn anons off for a while. the threats i dont ever condone but u can easily prevent them and control how ppl interact with u. this seems to generally be a big issue with the community with ppl claiming they cant control who they interact with

"The nsfw blogs we interavted with as a result of us interacting eit rebloged posts can now use amo against this community. Its already happened." CHECK PPLS DNIS BEFORE INTERACTING WITH THEM EVEN IF ITS A REBLOG? this is not a community u can just interact with whoever u see whenever. u have to have basic respect for ppl especially adults. why wouldnt ppl with nsfw blogs be upset about this?

"Adults of this community, you may not like it but you need to look out for the younger memebers especially ones who follow and interact eit you. Its the same for every content creator with a young fanbase. You are no different." but u dont feel the same way about ppl who have nonsexual interests in other topics that ppl usually see as "fetishes" like feet/BDSM. y is that different here?

also again start talking to disability activists about using mental handicaps as insults. are u only saying it bcuz it feels right to you? and not talking 2 other ppl who have different perspectives on this? are u only relying on ur pov or in ur friend group for this or have u been researching? srsly connect with ppl ab this stuff. my pov on this comes from irl groups and friends and personal experiences

"If they use the r slur to you and know youre disabled, , invisble or visible - THAT IS ABLEISM!!" .........is it ok to use it if they arent disabled? what? or is it only ableism, but still not socially acceptable, if they use it on someone who isnt disabled? what is the implication there

anyway an archival of what im replying to cuz i figure its good to keep track of whos saying what in these convos

[danepopfrippery]

All of it so good! I spotted the freddie writers i think broken up in a few credits (theyre freelance so makes sense). Clearly death threats worked…dont learn from that.

If somehow ur reading and dont get spoilers coming well they are so its on u at this point. Random thoughts below

*Loved Derek’s fashion choices! Also his lil bat jazz hands flourish srsly a+.

*Nandor…incorrectly…thinking its Guillermo’s bday and throwing him a dinner and buying him a gift was very sweet…despite being book ended between insults about never turning him and Nandor not seeming too worried if he died

*my sis and i clocked right away how he wouldnt let guillermo sit next to him at guillermos special fake bday dinner. Nandor u ho. U make him reas u bedtime stories AND brush ur hair but wont sir next to him cuz horny? I refuse to believe any other reason

*WHERE IS THE HELL HOUND?! I MUST HAVE THE HELL HOUND! And i will be angrier than freddie ep if hes gone.

*is it weird Guillermo went to you…gene and the sire for turning advice after learning its forbidden? Also im choosing to believe this is a new superstition cuz they didnt seem arsed by it

*rip neighbor dude. Ppl are right its plot holey look its still the freddie writers in there ok?!

*sooo much bad turning in these two eps it was srsly keystone cops style and i was laughing my ass off despite being like derek irl

*nadja u bitch. Making nadjita dance and show her pussy is MEAN! You drunken slut. I dis enjoy taint that can write checks tho

*another plothole: it always seemed nandor was as shit at laszlo as hypnosis and i always took it of all 3 he was the worst (nadja the best). Animal control anyone? Well now he gets to be a pig amongst guinea pigs he’ll brag of this forever

*’cuz his brains fucked’ had me rolling. Also laszlo u liar u hypnotized him when trying to kiss him got u nowhere

*i was off my face w drug blood was also a good line

*colin didnt do much here but his waiter job and greek bit were great

*i am glad despite pussy showing nadjita has more movement finally

*laszlo has no god damned right to look that tasty

*the shit and fart jokes were mostly flat. I was waiting for laszlo to say he thought guillermo was hitting on him or something. That said seems we get jealous nandor next week and thats all i want

*poor guide, poor sean. Mikey u cunt

*the quebecois thing delighted my sis who studied there (france ppl hate ice right? But $8 wine is primo so u know)

*poor guillermo. Hes clearly a slayer vamp hybrid and very sad about it. Cant wait to see Nandor learn this. Also u will never convince me he could kill guillermo. Other than his eyes watering Guillermo has beat his ass like a rented mule twice now. Cheating or not (i say not)

*seems death threats also made note of make nandor better cuz hes followed a hippy self help book. Its kinda sweet cuz thats where his minimal kindness to guillermo comes from. I dont believe he ever through benji a bday dinner let alone convinced the others to come along

*colin seems aware hes been out of the job game for awhile but makes no indication if he knows why. Laszlo treats him basically same as always and vice versa

[mentalbaddiex]

hey girlies.. just so you know judes actually bigger in the bedroom, a week ago he was in my bed snd we were canoodling but now hes at england camp so im only left with pics :((. hes bigger irl 💖 we’re talking about to be bf and gf ❤️☺️ (this is a fucking joke dont believe it and turn it into gossip ya freaks this is what ya sound like but srsly he is my bf)

stop lying i literally dropped him off at st george’s yesterday he spent the whole week with me

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[dirty-bosmer]

Me again lol. don't know why I asked the last q on anon. I just made a new blog for fandom stuff and am self conscious cause I don't have much on it. Didn't want you thinking I was a bot! Anywho, I've calmed down and actually have another question re: fic writing. I'm considering writing an Oblivion fic (thank you SO MUCH for the insp, fell in love with fic again while reading yours) and am wondering : What was your inspiration for Lucien and his relationship with Nim? It's so deliciously twisted, and I have only read one other fic that braves the territory you do (have you read Love and Blood on FF? also themes of obsession and the author's Lucien is VILE). Kinda rare to see a story that's not afraid of making him actually villainous, wicked, and believably the murderous lunatic he is in game (I dont want prince charming anymore!!!) I mean hear me out, the fanon is fun too and I got a kick out of it for years, but it's SO refreshing to read something beyond another iteration of the smooth, suave, reticent but romantic characterization in dozens of Lucien/Silencer fics.

Got any book recs for characters or relationships like the ones you write about? (hope this okay. I'm srsly just so excited rn like u kno the feeling when you finally get a fic that does it the way you see in your head and are like YES THAT LET ME CONSUME IT anywho here i'm rambling again good day)

My kind of people lmao. First of all, goodness, thank you again! I don’t know what I’m going to do with all these compliments besides become a puddle on the floor. 

That is seriously so sweet of you (despite the morbid nature of the content you are complimenting). And yeah, look, it's a story about two murderers and their descent into madness. The companionship forged between them is obviously not going to be pretty, heh. For a long while, however, I was worried no one would like it cause I gleaned that fanon Lucien is a little more... tame? Or he’s sexy XD Anyway, I've had people comment on how much of a sicko edgelord he is in the fic (both positively and negatively lol). I really appreciate that you love what I’ve done with him but just want to say there is no right or wrong way to do it! There’s stuff out there for everyone’s taste, and I am not and never will write with the intention of making the story palatable to everyone. I decided to give it my all writing him menacing and icky and pyscho cause that’s what intrigued me,. I'm happy with it! And I am Infinitely more happy that you like it too 🥰

And yeah, it makes me feel weird to say aloud that I love all that dark, twisted stuff in fiction, but the heart wants what it wants 🤷‍♀️ I just love a “romance” story that's not actually a romance at all but rather a work of horror— an exploration of the dark recesses of the human psyche that breed obsession and the all-consuming need to devour. I got a healthy, fulfilling relationship irl. I want my fictional characters to squirm a bit, and damn but I want to be equally uncomfortable when I indulge, ya know??

Gonna put the rest under a cut here:

As for inspiration regarding the relationship/Lucien, this is gonna sound so weird lol but Griffith and Guts from Berserk, Hannibal the TV show, the band Deftones (hit me up for song recs). Some creepy uncomfy books that explore similar dark themes: Damage by Justine Hart, The Vegetarian by Han Kang, Lolita by Vladimir Nabakov, You by Caroline Kepnes, Boy Parts by Eliza Clark. Also soooo many movies. There are too many to name (hit me up again hehe).

For Lucien, p much anytime I read/watch a character being a sick little freak I take note of it (see above). I’ve also listened to Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s podcasts about narcissism (she is a doctor of psychology and a leading expert in the field who was studying narcissism loooong before it became a commonly known personality trait). It really helped me understand the human capacity for manipulation and cruelty, how someone can go through life working to get what they want while only being capable of loving themselves. 

Oh, and you know, I looked it up and think I started Love or Blood a really long time ago but haven’t read any fic on FF in years cause the site is p much unusable to me. Was it about Janus Hassildor? I don’t think I ever got to the Lucien bits. Maybe I’ll pick it up again. I’ve read so many Lucien fics, I can surely read another, and if it’s similar tropes, I’ll probably enjoy it. 

While I have your attention, I would be remiss to not mention some other DB/Lucien fics that I enjoy. Next of Kin features a younger Lucien, and he and Tal (the MC) are delightful and dirty and so real. They have a great dynamic. The relationship feels earned. Also Lucien is believably a career assassin and rotten at the core while also retaining his humanity and the capacity for tenderness. I’m picky with romance in general. I can't do heavy handedness and often times I find the characterization of a loving Lucien kind of contrived or saccharine or just not for me (and that’s okay! It wasn’t written for me. We all have our preferences and mine do not skew tender D:), but this is flawlessly executed, lemme tell you. The writing is PHENOMENAL. Truly some of the best I’ve read among fic. I’ve raved about it on my blog, as it’s quite rare to find a story that balances its themes as well as this does. Also Fortune’s Favorite is very dear to me. It features another monstrous Lucien who is undeniably gross and predatory. He’s not the main focus, but the story is otherwise full of angst and sadness. So too light and love and oof, I got misty eyed at several parts. There are multiple relationships in this fic, each of them juicy, but Lucien’s relationship with the MC is a horrific descent, quite a disaster (in the best of ways) and truly so entertaining to read.

So yeah that was... a lot lol. Hope it helps. Also please tag me in anything you write! I get so excited to see new Oblivion fics and would love to talk shop and writing. It’s how we learn knew things and improve :)) 

[b0mblover]

tadajiro shower fic 1k words 

thanks to; Sho, for the plot (THE FUCMING ENTIRE THING YOU DONT UNDERTZAND 😭😭ALL OF IT 100% srsly. i have the screenshots im not good at plot thank you so much sho srsly 🙏🙏 my fuxking SAVIOR)

Rizzmaster 89, for the dialog ideas

i formally apologize for everything, i just woke up

Jiro walked through the front door of the apartment, unintentionally slamming it as he closed it, it had been a long day, Noriko and him fought about nearly everything, he was involved in an on-foot pursue with the police, and lopt still existed.

Needless to say, he was exhausted.

Jirou walked over to and flopped onto the couch, he had been staying at Tadashis apartment for some while now, their apartment that they usually lived in was under renovations, so they all had to find somewhere else, Noriko stayed with Reina, Lopt was… Lopt, and Jiro stayed with tadashi.

It was the closest person he had outside of the revolutionary army,

(no crown isnt in this im sorry 😔)

ironic, a priest that gets payed a good fucking “little” sum of money lived in an apartment.

(nope just, idk apartments are easier for me to write even tho ive never lived in one)

Jiro layed there, unmoving for about 5 minutes until he heard a door shut.

“the hell do you think youre doing?”

tadashi was extremely annoying, almost all hours of the day.

“Fuckin tryina sleep” jiro managed to get out through gritted teeth

(shut up)

“The hell you are- go shower”

Kunai was… particular about so called “dirtiness”

Maybe it was the upbringings of them, but their opinions clashed more than Jiro and Noriko fighting

“No im fuckin tired leave me alone”

“I will if you go Fucking shower”

Kunai sighed, Jiro, as much as he “loved” him, he was quite stubborn, he walked over to jiro, and put his arms under him, picking him up bridal-style for about 2 seconds before setting him on the floor

(well more of standing?)

“The fuck are you doing?”

Jiro asked, he looked so tired.

“Youre going to shower, weather you like it or not”

Kunai but his arm around Jiros upper back, guiding him to the bathroom.

Kunai tugged at jiros waist band, motioning for him to take off his clothes, jiro did so slowly and reluctantly as kunai turned on the water to the shower. 

(TADASHI TOOK OFF HIS CLOTHES I SWEAR I FORGOT TO WRITE IT IN THO)

It was a small bathroom, just enough for the two of them to move around mostly comfortably. 

Kunai set a stool into the shower, motioning Jiro to sit down, Jiro did so as Kunai messed with the shower head, attempting to detach it from its handle.

(look ive only seen a detachable one irl when i was like 7 in my grandmothers apartment and that was so long ago- leave me alone:(pls)

After a minute or so, pulling it down, the pressure felt nice on jiros back, it was hard but not enough to be painful, warm, but not burning.

Kunai lathered something onto jiros hair, he didnt pay attention as to what, more than likely shampoo, he was too tired to care. 

“So, hows it been?” kunai asked in a vagely monotone voice, it wasnt offputting as jiro had heard it a million times since “living” with him.

“Fine i guess” jiro sounded dejected, he wanted this to be over as soon as possible, and small talk wasnt letting that happen. 

“You sound” kunai paused “like theres something on your mind” quickly changing his words.

“Its nothing important” he shot back quickly, it was one thing for even lopt to ask what was wrong, he noticed he mustve been acting strange for even kunai of all people to ask.

“Are you sure? yknow you can tell me anything, i wont tell” kunai said, as he started washing his back with soap.

“Just- i dont know how to explain” he sighed, he felt defeated, the one chance he was able to talk about how he felt, he felt like he blew it.

“just explain it however it comes to you yknow?” kunai moved to washing his neck, making sure to massage it at least a little bit.

“- fine, i dont think im worth anything to anyone, i think people only want to use me in one way or another”

“mhm and?” kunai grabbed at jiros shoulders, attempting to silently tell him to stop being so tense.

“and what? do you think im good at this emotional bullshit? no. no i am fucking not.”

kunai sighed “im just trying to get you to open up, i know that isnt easy”

“Why?”

“What”

“why try and get me to open up? we all know you dont truly care. do you just wanna use me too?” jiro started to speak faster

“is that really all im good for? is that what people see me as? do you see me as someone just to keep around until you get bored and eventually decide to throw out-“

“Relax. your shoulders jiro, relax, youre doing neither of us any favors by tensing up” 

“r-right, sorry” jiro attempted to calm his body down as much as he could.

Kunai continued to wash his back, rinse his hair, put conditioner in his hair, wash his back. 

“Jiro”

“Yea?”

“Do you think… how do i put this without it sounding wrong” he questioned aloud.

“just say it” jiro continued looking at the floor

“Do you think you really “have” anything im intrested in?”

“i dunno, my body i guess?” jiro was thankful that he wasnt facing tadashi at that moment

“Why would you think id want to use your body?”

“i well- because? why not right? thats all im worth”

“who told you that?” kunai was mentally on the verge of tears (or what yk little he “had” shut up lemme have a semi nice tadashi 😭😭)

“Huh?” jiro turned around to face Kunai, confused.

“who told you that youre only worth your body? i mean- i havent known you as long as say noriko, but i know that your worth more than that”

“i dont understand” jiro turned around, not really believing kunai in the slightest. 

“Jiro, youre not stupid” Kunai hugged him from behind, not too tightly, before letting go again.

“youre kind, your funny, youre strong”

“so? thats normal though” 

“i dont know about what youve went through, but if its anything like the rumors in school, it had to have been hell right?” tadashi adjusted the water to be warmer, theyll probably have to get out soon.

“What? i- my life then is no ones concern besides my own” if he had the energy hed glare at him.

“Maybe- maybe not, but it still changed you in some way correct? i mean, you sure do know how to run from the police damn well- and i don’t believe thats something just everyone can do”

Jiro knew at least that part was true, even if he didnt want to believe it.

“but even then, i contribute nothing to anyone” he hugged his own knees toghther attempting to comfort himself.

“is merely surviving after everything youve been through not enough?” Kunai smiled slightly.

“i-“ he stopped, he realized there was no use for him trying to fight tadashi, he knew in one way or another he was right, even if he didnt want to accept it.

Kunai hugged him from behind, before washing the conditioner out of his hair.

[transphilza]

already seeing my friends be rly gross about the face reveal.i am dying.

FELT!! nonnie srsly ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ i am sending you my best energy. gonna ramble a bit under cut

i know its a, like…. phenomenon? trend? like, i know its a really really common bandwagon thing for people to very loudly hate and disparage dream for no specific reason and i feel like most people who like him have encountered actual irl people who are weirdly overtly hateful. i know i have

but i do want to be a Little bit idealistic not just to you nonnie but to everyone as i tend to be and remind you all that you dont have to put up with or be friends with hateful people, particularly people who Knowingly shame your interests and passions. youre allowed to leave or tell people to stop or tell people theyre being assholes!!! i know it’s basically impossible to like dream and not encounter people who despise him just as intensely but just try to at least be kind to yourself when other people are being cruel ❤️❤️ you are all awesome

[sexybabystevie]

wym u think u have rpf written abt u?! share w the class! (if ur comfortable w that obvy)

omg so 😭😭 funnily enough i just explained this in dms to @very-offkey-kazoo so seph can very much tell you how insane this is... with that being said this is. insane and i cant even explain it without saying it so. here we go 😭😭 (also long post so its under the cut!)

okay so this takes a lot of explaining for reasons of context but basically i had this person i was best friends with and they are. a terrible person like. so terrible. anyway so like. i was very much a tumblr elusive so i got a tag notif and went to go check it, a little excited bc no one interacted w me back then LMAO, and i see its from this person.

so i open it up and its like "this is for em" and i. had no idea about rpf and like what it meant or anything bc this was years ago but i opened it and basically thats what it was 😭

okay so we have to take a sharp left to gain some context before i get into what the fic was about. so basically this was in maybe 2021 or 22 where i was watching supernatural. and i was in a not so great place mentally and so i attached myself to some things/characters in the show and since i was close w this person at the time, i was talking about it w them. (also Chronic Deangirlism is all i will say. if you know what that means then you know i guess 😭)

anyway so i would talk w them about it and when i did, they always made fun of me and like. srsly bullied me for it. which ik people do as a friendly thing sometimes but also. like i was explicitly so attached bc i was suicidal so maybe not the best thing to bully someone about!! but anyway.

so back to the fic. i open the fic, it says its for me, and its literally. about me and this person. theres some random exposition i cant remember and then. we literally get into an argument about dean winchester. im so serious. like theyre basically just bullying me and arguing about it in this fic 😭😭😭

and. if that isnt enough. this person. in the fic. KILLS ME over the argument about dean winchester supernatural. its not even like a character argument type thing they just bully me for being so attached to him until they kill me out of sheer rage 😭😭😭😭😭

so yeah. like. my ex best friend who i also was maybe in love with wrote rpf, and instead of it being romantic or even platonic, they bully about me being attached to dean winchester from the cw's 2005 tv show supernatural until they kill me for it. and theyre like ecstatic about it in the fic AND when they message me irl about it and. literally. i dont even know what else to say rn. so... yeah 😭