#still trying to figure out if I can.. idk... make it into something I can get grades out of
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DELTARUNE CHAPTER 3 ENDING SPOILERS (also haven't gotten to chapter 4 myself so keep anything from there OUT of this post)
SO ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT GASTER IN CHAPTER 3?
SO YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. You beat Tenna, everything looks like its gonna end on a high note... and then we come to face The Roaring Knight Themselves. We lose and we chase them and a sudden Undyne into the bunker, but the door closes in front of us, etc.
Immediately after that, you get this screen:
I, like a fool, went immediately to "Keep Playing Chapter 3" especially after the last seconds before the credits, because, i figured it meant there was still stuff to do, but- eh, no... it takes you back to your last SAVE point in chapter 3, luckily, I saved AFTER Tenna's fight. (which also, damn... the throwback to "the light only you can see" right before the fight with the knight... its got to mean something.)
So I fought with the knight again, except while in my first attempt i tried to go pacifist, I decided to attack the knight, and survived for exactly ONE turn more than before (a total of three turns), but died again, figured the cutscene would play as normal... but No. The SOUL gets dragged upwards, and then... The voice from the Gonermaker sequence, what most of the fanbase agrees is Gaster... speaks to you.
The SOUL turned into its GAME OVER form (Sorta darkened and fuzzy) and the voice game me two choices
of course... i got curious and went back, it takes you right back to that last SAVE point. So I figured... I'd try to survive the Knight this time... and
Yeah i only got three turns in before they killed me. The voice came back though.
I tried to go back, and got my ass handed to me by the Knight again, but the voice didn't say anything, just the options, so... i moved forward, and now I'm making this post.
'Gaster' mentioning that we're missing something can't help but make me think on the Shadow Mantle (source of the screenshot):
So uh yeah, idk if anyone's seen this yet... but... yeah. I'm freaking out.
#deltarune chapter 3#deltarune chapter three#deltarune spoilers#gaster#wd gaster#deltarune gaster#gaster deltarune#utdr#deltarune speculation#deltarune#roaring knight
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Can I request Silver with the Lighthouse, Lifeboat, and Storm prompts? Reader is a weird little goth lighthouse worker and Silver just survived a massive ship wreck and needs to find a way to contact Malleus, Sebek and Lilia so he gets help from reader and they like. Idk get him towels and some tea and a phone or something.
It's not QUITE a romance cause they just met but there is a good foundation for a solid friendship there. They have a sass off once Silver gets comfortable enough to not be so polite. They just watch out for ships and try to keep each other awake through the night
💌Request received! Thank you for your message, your delivery is ready~
Silver, ft. Lighthouse, Lifeboat, & Storm
The lighthouse work suited you.
Not many were surprised when you decided to work at the lonely lighthouse on the rocky beach. You were strange, people whispered. You preferred dark clothes to the townpeople’s bright pastels, and didn’t seem to mind the doom-and-gloom of the abandoned lighthouse.
It wasn’t the lighthouse’s fault that it was on a rocky, scary-looking beach and had fallen into disrepair. A job was a job, and if this job allowed you to sit for hours overlooking the rolling sea while you could read, play music, and enjoy the salty breeze in solitude? Sign you up. You didn’t care if you were the town’s resident goth weirdo. All the cashier jobs at Hot Topic were taken.
It was a sleepy little job, and today was no exception. The sea was violent today too, you thought. Waves crashed on the rocks, and the sky was gray. As usual. This side of the island rarely had sunny weather.
Although ships never entered from this side of the island either.
You stood, going to the telescope on the balcony. You peered through it, gasping. There was a man clutching a piece of driftwood, drifting in and out of consciousness on the rough waves. Pieces of wood and cloth flashed through the water as a ship disintegrated in the sea before your eyes.
You thought fast. You typically worked alone in the lighthouse, and no one would come in time to help you. You were on your own. You dashed out of the lighthouse, shucking off your boots.
The man had washed up on the rocks, not moving. You grabbed a rowboat, and hurriedly rowed as close as you dared to the rocks. You staggered out of the boat, trying not to slip as you walked to him. You knelt over the man, moving his hair from his face and tapping his cheek. “Hey! Are you okay?!” He was asleep, so you pressed your hand to his heart. You felt a heartbeat. He’s alive.
You hauled him over your back, going back into the boat and the lighthouse as fast as you could without falling. At last, you laid him on the couch and slammed the door shut. You flicked on the furnace, and set to work peeling some of wet clothes from his person.
You moved him closer to the fireplace, gently stroking his (now dry) hair. He looks kind, you thought, but noble. You’d noticed he had a sword lashed to his belt too. It seemed to be of fae make, but he was human.
Well, you figured he’d want something to eat. You padded to the kitchen, taking off your jewelry. Soon, a delicious aroma wafted through the lighthouse floor.
Silver’s nose twitched at the scent. He was still groggy, but that smell was delicious. That can’t be Father’s cooking, can it? Suddenly he shot awake. This can’t be his cooking. At the sudden movement, you shrieked, nearly dropping the soup.
Silver was on his feet in fighting position, hand on his scabbard. His violet eyes were intense, although they did soften when they saw you. Sure, you looked so scary with your knitted black cardigan with white bats, holding a bowl of soup with pink flower oven mits.
“…please forgive me.” Silver sat quietly with the soup in his lap, spooning it quickly into his mouth while you glared at him. You looked like a disgruntled crow, he observed. The two of you introduced yourselves, making small talk. You slowly warmed up to him. Your alternative outfit made Silver smile. You looked just like Father in his off-hours.
The thought of Lilia made the amusement disappear. Suddenly, memories crashed back. The shipwreck. He had to contact Father, Sebek, and Lord Malleus!
“Hey, easy there,” you said worriedly. Silver shook his head, trying to shake off sleepiness, “Do you have a phone I can borrow? I must contact my father.” You nodded, looking at your phone. “Of course, one sec-“ you frowned when you saw you had no service.
“I’m sorry, but it looks like the storm jammed the signal. We’ll have to wait it out.” Silver’s heart dropped, and he sighed heavily. You bit your lip.
“It’ll be a little while. I can make some tea while we wait out the storm,” you said softly. “Want some chamomile? It will help you relax.” Silver shook his head quickly, feeling his eyes droop. “I’d prefer something caffeinated, if you have it.”
Soon, Silver sat next to you with a large mug of instant black coffee clenched in one hand, while you stirred your chamomile with two sugars and honey.
You poked his shoulder, “so.” Silver looked away from the pouring rain, brow furrowed, “…so?” You smiled, trying to ease him, “so where will you go when the rain lets up?”
Silver shut his eyes, before answering “I must get back to Briar Valley. My father and friends are waiting for me.” You watched him. Determination lit up his eyes. “They’re probably worried about you, but I also think they know how strong you are,” you said quietly.
Silver nodded, sipping his coffee. After a while, he whispered, “thank you.” A guy of few words, you thought.
”Besides,” you said, teasing him to cheer him up, “I’m sure whatever’s in your way, you’d just duel them and win.” You gestured to his sword, smiling when you saw his mouth quirk upward. “Nothing will get in my way. I must remain vigilant,” he said before downing the entire mug of coffee.
You gaped at him, “you want to stay up all night? Dude, that much caffeine can’t be good for you.” Silver still felt the pull of sleep, “n-no. I need more.” You nodded, scampering off to the kitchen to make another pot. “Alright Silver, it’s your all-nighter.”
You came back with the instant coffee. Silver glanced at it, asking sheepishly “could you make it a little stronger, please?” You blinked, “I… I did make it stronger.” Silver shook his head, fighting off sleepiness, “n-no… I need more…” you bit your lip before adding more scoops. Silver drank it quickly.
You glanced at the mug before deciding to make your own cup. You stayed up with him all night.
Slowly, the dawn came and the storm dissipated. Despite being marooned on who-knows-where, Silver wasn’t too concerned. Tomorrow would be a new day on the lighthouse. Only this time, the two of you would be in each other’s company.
I confess that I still do not understand how lighthouses do their lighthouse things. If any lighthouse workers are reading this, please forgive me orz
Anyway, thank you for your requesttt~~~ until next time, xoxo Calci~
#calci’s 500 follower event#twst mermay#mermay 2025#twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#twst silver vanrouge#twst silver x reader#twst silver#silver vanrouge x reader#silver x reader#silver vanrouge#silver#calcified writing
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How do you think each of the myst men would react if they were gonna be told by their s/o that they were gonna be a dad? (The garroth oneshot of his reaction was so cute)
-🦔
also requested by @faythwasfound!
𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎
𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: aaron, blaze, daniel, dante, ein, garroth, gene, jeffory, laurance, rylan, travis, vylad, zane, & zenix
𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒: fluff, domestic, established relationship, fem!reader
𝐀/𝐍: i wrote this in the hospital as my sister was actively in labor. thanks for the inspo, girl 😛 anyways sorry for the long absence guys but here's a lil something. hopefully none of the characters are too ooc? idk i was sleep deprived pls forgive
𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

He’s excited. Of course, he’s excited! You two are having a baby! But there’s a small part of him that fills with dread, and it’s not the idea of you being a mother—no, you’re going to be perfect. It’s the fact that he is going to be a father.
He doesn’t think he won’t love them enough. Hell, this baby is an extension of your and his combined love, how could he not? But he will never forget certain aspects of his father when he was growing up, and while he can never imagine making your kid feel that way, he is still his father’s son. What if he somehow begins to act like his father one day and lets the both of you down? What if, what if… what if?!
A deep, reassuring talk is all he needs, and that anxiousness fades away for his real excitement. He will do everything he can to be the best father he can be, and he’ll be damned if he’s anything less.
GARROTH, Zane, Gene, Aaron, Zenix, Ein (Daddy issues gang!)

Bro gets so excited, he lifts you in his arms and runs around the house like he just scored the winning point on the most intense sports game of his life. It takes you shrieking for him to stop when he realizes maybe he shouldn’t necessarily toss around the woman who is actively pregnant with his child, and he sheepishly and gently sets you down.
Still, he practically vibrates in his seat as he talks to you about what this means for the two of you, any technicalities of money or difficulties ahead clearly his last thought. No, you two can figure that one out later. He wants to find out everything, now! Will the baby have your face? His eyes? Will they have his personality? Whatever the case, he’s gonna have a mini version of him and you running around and causing trouble! He’s stoked!
Expect him to yap everyone’s ear off about your pregnancy, from the people you know to the poor cashier at the grocery store just trying to do their job.
BLAZE, Dante, Garroth

He’s so soft. Oh, so soft. You watch as his eyes gather with tears, his lips crumpling into a watery, grateful smile as his hands land on your stomach. You can’t even bring yourself to be worried about his emotional reaction, though, not when he shakily laughs as he leans forward to press kisses on your face, quiet whispers of thank yous in between. Don’t expect to go anywhere after giving him the news, because this sap is going to hold you in his arms and whisper how much he loves you and your baby until you’re absolutely sick of it.
His reaction honestly is the most calming, any anxieties you may have now quelled into just a future problem that you know you won’t have to solve alone. After all, knowing your child will have a father so full of love and care, what could you complain about?
JEFFORY, DANIEL, Rylan, Garroth

He is locked in. House? Already baby proofed. He’s ordering the best quality equipment, setting up a baby registry, and researching every new parent forum he can find, all within a few hours of you telling him. Bad habits? Consider them gone. Any lingering alcohol or cigarettes are thrown out, and the house is clean. Can’t be a bad influence on the baby, after all.
Anything you need during the pregnancy, he’s either already one step ahead of you or rushing out the door to get whatever you want as soon as the words leave your lips. The older ladies around you awe at his dedication, teasing you about how jealous they were. He’s so perfect! They wish they could’ve had a husband so diligent when they were pregnant with their kids!
He merely shrugs it off, shaking his head. After all, it’s the least he can do for the love of his life, especially when you’re carrying the proof of your love.
LAURANCE, Gene, Zane, VYLAD, Aaron

thefatherofyourchild.exe has stopped working. He’s gone. The words, “I’m pregnant,” leave your lips as he stares down at the positive pregnancy test, but there’s not a thought on his face. Is he even breathing? No. No, he’s not. His lips are parted like a fish out of water, eyes wide and very far from holding any train of thought on this earth. Careful, he might start drooling soon.
After a few calls of his name and waving your hand worriedly in front of his face, he finally snaps back to you, a wheezed, “holy shit,” leaving his lips. He looks like he could possibly pass out, and you may have to shake his shoulders to get him to focus again.
This shock honestly doesn’t leave him; every reminder that you’re pregnant makes him freeze and stare in absolute awe and shock, and honestly, he'll keep doing it after the baby is born.
“Babe. I’m a father,” he whispers as he stares down at your newborn, a whole hour after their birth.
“...No shit?!”
ZENIX, Dante, Travis, Ein, Daniel

You think you’re surprising him. But oh, no. No no. He’s had this all planned out since the beginning. As soon as you tell him, he’s pulling out a whole notebook with baby names, nursery ideas, tips he’s heard from other parents and the internet, how to make your pregnancy the most comfortable, etc.
Now it’s your turn to be the surprised one as he yaps to you about how he’s already planned out a savings account for their college fund, future trips to take them on, and the kinds of things he wants to teach them about life. He’s wanted to have a family with you the very moment he realized he was in love with you, and now he can indulge in showing you every one of his notes and Pinterest boards without looking crazy. Cause, you know, it’s not like he was plotting on starting a family with you for years or something… (he was).
LAURANCE, Vylad, Jeffory, Ein

©starhvney 2024. do not plagiarize, feed to any AI, or repost my works to any sites.
taglist: @wasting-away-on-the-internet @angelhyperfixates @valentique @arienic @dazedbydeath @theaquaticplant @starsbrightly @kalegrinch @izzybella1807 @marst4rz @vyladsgirl @allieyaaa @luvsymai @yoom-ss @garrothswiferealnotfake @fartmonster98
#aphmau#aphmau mystreet#mystreet#mystreet x reader#aphblr#garroth ro'meave#garroth x reader#aphmau garroth#garroth ro'meave x reader#aphmau laurance#laurance x reader#laurance zvahl#laurance zvhal x reader#gene x reader#aphmau gene#mystreet gene x reader#mystreet blaze#aphmau blaze#aphmau daniel#mystreet jeffory#jeffory the golden heart#aphmau jeffory#mystreet travis#travis x reader#aphmau travis#travis valkrum#travis valkrum x reader#mystreet dante x reader#aphmau dante
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Can you make a tutorial on how you world build and make ocs? I can't seem to make any people in my brain, but then when I try to come up with environments jobs, beliefs and little details to slowly come up with someone, I think: well I don't really know how people have influenced the world- it's a weird loop
To be honest, I don't think I can! Writing is an extremely personal process. The way I write is directly related to how I process things, what I find important in stories, years of my own analysis of my and other's writing, etc... The way you write will be unique to you, as well. But I can explain how I personally think of it.
The short answer:
Write. Write anything and everything, it's a tool to explore your ideas. Analyze your own writing, and write more. Then, as you discover which ideas you want to develop, write more to explore them more. You won't know what you want otherwise!
The long answer:
I think this kind of loop is common. It's easy to feel like everything needs to be done "at once," because our job as writers is to make elements logically fit with each other for our readers. But as you've discovered, developing multiple elements simultaneously isn't really possible, or at least is extremely difficult.
Personally, when I think of writing, I break it into three major elements; characters, world, and plot. As much as possible every scene explores one or more of these, and as much as possible these three things tie back into what I personally consider most important: theme.
Everything I do is in service of the themes I want to present. Without them my events feel aimless. It can take a while to discover them, but they're the core of my work. You will have to discover what you feel is the core of yours. Analyzing other media helps with this too.
Concepts in your brain exist in a state of infinite potential. But when you start writing you have to start making choices, which removes potential as you move forward... But you have to move forward anyways. If there's ideas you want to explore later, you can always explore them later.
What this ends up meaning, to answer your question, is that I don't think of my characters as "people in my brain" or my worlds as something people have influenced... Not at their core, at least. They are tools that I use to represent specific ideas. Obviously they're also my blorbos, but mostly they're serving a specific narrative purpose.
So above all else... Write. Write, and discover what you're writing about, and then start over and write with that in mind. Keep doing this. But you have to write!
#I wish there were a cleaner answer to this kind of thing#and I also wish that there were a way to answer that didnt feel like 'just do it lol'#but... genuinely you kind of just have to do it!#I find it helps to reframe writing as trying to figure out which ideas I don't like#then if I write anything that feels bad to me#it's not about being a bad writer or anything like that. it's just something I dont want in my story and I delete it.#like if you find yourself naturally coming up with worldbuilding elements. its okay to just start there!#you can start like 'I really want giant mushrooms' and then start thinking about how cool that would be#and like oooh what if there were really cool caves full of mushrooms and all glowy yeaaah#then you start building people from that. colonies of fungal people or something. this is still worldbuilding#then you might think now. whats a plot that could go with this and show off my cool mushrooms.#maybe the mushrooms are all connected and the main one is dying and no one knows why. it's a classic plot.#if you still dont feel like you can find a character in that. keep going! why is it dying? how can it be saved? can it? if not then why?#etc etc etc. when I am writing I actually ltierally write out 101 questions like this as I'm going and then I answer them#and if I cant answer them. then I figure out a different situation that doesnt bring that question up LMFAO#eventually you can decide you want a hero who idfk will replace the big mushroom or something. a sacrifice and immortality simultaneously#then you can be like yeah so my themes are probably about sacrifice. connection to others. love for your community. stuff like that#and then you can go back to your world and say. yeah I think that people should have telepathic communication on some level!#I'm just making all this up right now but I just want to illustrate somehow how this kind of cyclical process can actually be a tool#because it's not about getting it all right at once. its about leaning into the cycle and how it guides you through developing these#anyways idk if this makes any sense. if this doesnt feel like it works for you then it probably literally doesnt#but writing more and analyzing writing more is ALWAYS good#it will never make your writing worse to do those things.#unfortunately (said with all the love in the world) writing is an endless process of learning more about who you are and what you care abou#its wonderful but it's hard and theres no way to skip that process#good luck!#asks#anon#writing stuff#oh also if at any point you go hm. that big thing isnt working for me I think...
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18 or 36 + lampwick?
HIIIIIIIIII!!! First off: i'm so SO sorry for how late this one is I've been ruminating on it for the while DFCDSTJBHKDCTRL BUT!!!! I'M HERE AND PRESENTING THE RESULT FOR IT!!
spotify wrapped game: send me a number from 1-100, optionally with a ship or character, for a moodboard based on the song it corresponds to!
36. Make it All Right - The Offspring
#the outcasts#ask meme#lizardthelizard#lampwickcore#This one was a BIT of a challenge#Cause while I had the option to use something different this one was the one that works for Wick the most#The only problem was was that this was permanently locked as a song for the whole of the outcasts JHKGDHSRT (thus the one image on the top)#But it's FUN to think about it with just him#The confidence of the song with his general personality just works so bloody well!!!#He's a cocky bastard that's stubborn and will act annoying just to spite you#But come what may if you stop seeing the sunrise every morning he'll up and try and find a bit of light to replace it instead#Even if he does it in his own little way#Cause while he has his own troubles he is there and ready to lift his man's spirits when it's needed#Damn his thoughts and opinions are on what Pinocchio may believe in!!#The moment Pinocchio loses hope Wick can and will step in and replace it with his own#He's a fool but he's especially a fool for the ones he does care about#And in the longrun he's gonna make sure they're gonna make it through and are alright#idk how well the moodboard reflects this tbh now that I'm looking at it again I'm still trying to figure them out but JHBDSKURUILI YEAH!!!#anyhow again I'm so SORRY for how ridiculously late this is BUT I'm holding it out now to youuuu <333#Love you and talk laterrrrr
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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Also! I’m sorry! I should’ve put a trigger warning on that ask I just realized because although they found it funny, more so Ryan, it was borderline harassment in my opinion 😭
no, you’re good anon! 🫶
you didn’t really go into detail about the situation at all in your ask, just referenced it and said that you thought the situation was odd, so i do *believe* that it is fine without a tag! 🙏
i did, however, make sure to put a TW on my response to your ask just to be safe! (not because of what you said but because i went into depth a little more and i wanted to make sure it wasn’t possibly triggering to anyone!)
so don’t worry about it anon! it has been tagged accordingly and in a safe way! :) 💛
#dear anyone on my blog: if i am wrong about any of this please feel free to correct me 😭#i care very much about my blog being safe and so i always try to tag things that could be triggering to the best of my abilities!#idk if i’m supposed to tag in the post itself or in the tags but i’ve heard i should do it in the tags so it can be filtered out?#if that’s not true please lmk 😭🙏#idk i don’t often post anything that i think could possibly be triggering so i am kinda still figuring out the trigger tags 🙏#if you ever see me post anything that makes you say ”woah aly trigger warning this!!!” please tell me and i will 😭🙏#or if something is tagged wrong and there is a better way to do it!!!#or if you have any information about how i should be tagging things with possible triggers that you want me to know 🙏#okay that’s all guys 🫶#aly answers
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Crochet Update


Last night vs right now. The current progress on the maybe-scarf. I might just run out of yarn before I reach actual scarf length, but I'm curious what the full length of one of these yarn balls is. Kinda just getting a feel for it & all.
I Also bought a little book that teaches some crochet basics, and spent some time going through some more stitch styles. The above scarf is made with single stitches, and the following...

The half-double stitch

The double stitch

The treble stitch
Fuck the treble. The process for doing it was so different from the others, I Hated it. Maybe my hands being tired also doesn't help, but I am Grrrr at this one. Final product was okay at least.

These 3 little bitches took me 2 hours to make. Ugh.
#speculation nation#some of that was of course figuring out how to make them in the first place#following directions in a book can be a little challenging. but i got it.#there are more elaborate stitch styles in this book but im keeping to just the basics for now.#ive figured out how to add and remove stitch counts per rows#....partways to deal with my own fuckups lmao but itll be good to know for designs and whatever.#i looked ahead at how to switch yarns midway through and i wanna try that out at some point#maybe do like stripes or something. idk. just Some kind of practice ykno?#i need to experiment with empty space. currently still perplexed by that. but i'll figure it out.#considering i only started crocheting 2 days ago i think ive made remarkable progress.#it's just. fun!!! idk. i like it. and im looking forward to being able to Make Things.#beyond just. indefinite maybe-scarf lmaooo
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whoooooos willing to go into the toh discord server and plop my silly little fandom survey in there because im too much of a pussy to do it myself <3
#jk I'll do it myself. eventually#im reluctant to use my actual discord account in there because what if i get hate or harassment or smthn#but i also don't wanna make a burner discord either#sighh. i should just go in with my normal account and hope I don't get kicked for. Idk something#I don't go in big discord servers man big servers scare me#ive been putting it off tho and while I have a decent amount of responses I want. More. As many as I can get#im still annoyed because i didn't think to add a question about age demographics until later so a bunch of responses dont have ages >:(#I do have a lot of interesting data!#i just have to. compile it all into something coherent#i have to remind myself that this is a little bit subjective so it's fine if I don't have like. A Bunch of specific evidence#i still want to try and collect screenshot of people being harassed over ships but idk how to even begin looking for that#tumblrs search function is shit#it's fine. ill figure it out.#lilac post#fandom#itll probably be fine i havent gotten any hate so far im just paranoid <3#anyways if you havent taken the survey you totally should <3#IF YOU DO SEND IT PLEASE TELL ME. BECAUSE I AM GONNA GET AROUND TO IT EVENTUALLY AND I WOUOD LIKE TO KNOW BEFOREHAND
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nothing more relaxing than like acting out a play in my room alone
#idk what it is about walking around in someone else's trauma for a little while but it just takes the pressure out#maybe it's bc it's easy 2 get a handle on it bc it hasn't happened 2 you. it gives u a sense of detached mastery that you don't have#over your own life#like you're analyzing + focused on convincing in your portrayal of something. + u can also change the performance to make it#more believable or impactful too. there's that control over the words‚ the implied experiences‚ and then also the superficial thoughts#that war with the words + give a sense of direction#it's like... so freeing to be able to control all those things in someone else's trauma#cause like when awful things are happening in my life i can't change my point of view. i'm stuck with the thoughts that i have#+ the sympathies that i have + the shame i have + if something really important to me goes wrong then i can't control what i think#or feel. no matter how hard i try the outcome can't change. but acting like someone else + piecing their emotions together#just gives me back that sense of control.#i've been walking around for a while afraid that everyone could see my surface-level thoughts on my face + that they were being#misinterpreted. proving to myself that i can control those thoughts is good on one hand + bad on the other where i then#lose confidence in my authentic self's ability to walk around in the world. i guess i'll have 2 think about it some more.#i was figuring things out a bit in my own way. i think i'd still prefer that lol.#also when i think about my worst moments‚ they're rough for years because i wasn't able to be authentic at all. and all that was#punished in ways that were traumatic. i don't really want these bad moments to define my life so maybe it's better to just take these#experiences on the chin + let the terror inside of me exist‚ palatable or not
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Context for the breakdown (this time) is that I'm at my fucking limit with people asking me to do things and have this idea that only I can fix it. Like between mom, my shithead coworker (even when he's not asking ME it still triggers that anger), and my fucking cat of all things, it just feels Neverending. I think the main issue is that my dad used up all my fucking patience growing up bc this man would not do shit for or by himself and just being asked so many times this week to just fix everyone's problems pushed me over the edge
I half jokingly told mom that I'd probably be the type of mom who just leaves their family in the middle of the night and never comes back. Like as horrible as that fucking sounds, I really don't think id be able to handle people relying on me to do everything for them. Like ffs try to do it yourself first! And it's like a fucking 1 year old 😭
But for real I think dad just using weaponized incompetence and just being so self centered really used up all my patience for this shit and I just hit my limit
#marquilla#legitimately started sobbing bc mom somehow broke the router and phone line and ofc I had to fix it and idk how and she just kept asking me#when she was on the phone what the lady said like idk!! i can't fucking hear her either! stop asking!!! and when she went in the other room#i just started fucking crying. like stop asking me to do things!!! idk!! try to do it yourself!! and like just everyone acting like im their#fucking mother and that they can't fucking TRY just broke me#like can you fuckers just leave me alone??? stop asking me to do it for you?!??! stop being so helpless when i know you are not!#my cat is very demanding and will fucking huff at you if she's mad at you and it's like YOU can fucking walk 3 ft to get your food bowl i a#m not bringing it to you. YOU can use YOUR litterbox that I just fucking cleaned without fussing (she doesn't like getting in and out the#box but also hates all alternatives to it) which is what i mean by shes also pissing me off#i think the biggest one pissing me off is my coworker bc he CONSTANTLY LIKE EVERY DAY asks RC for SOMETHING#like motherfucker do jt yourself!! go away!! figure it out or sink bitch! idc!!! just fucking try!!!#and like im at my limit where it feels like someone who genuinely needs the help feels the same as someone weaponizing incompetence#and i KNOW the difference but emotionally my brain treats them the same and it makes me so ANGRY#Anyway we also need the tech to come out tomorrow to fix the wifi and phone and i do not wanna clean the house for that and it just feels#like don't fucking ask please. mom thankfully understands and she was like 'i wasnt gonna ask you anyway. if you want to help i appreciate#it but you don't HAVE to' and i feel so fucking bad bc im trying not to be so fucking mean but my god im so tightly wound up im gonna pop#also the crabs waking me up an hour before my alarm has been driving me insane like i wanted to throw something at 2am today#like LET. ME. SLEEP!!!! and i know they aren't capable of doing it on purpose bc they dont have the capacity to do so but still#at my limit. i might have to take a mental health day this week bc jfc im gonna run my coworker over i stg (obviously im not serious but AGH
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#i keep asking the universe to not bring thst back to me in . test / lesson energy n everytime.i just hear this#lil reminder that ive never had Proper boundaries w tgis fucker. so theres NO WAY in HELL . theyd allownit ubless i coiks actullay .#not wear my rose coloured glasses n pretend the last 2yrs disnt haopen.#anyway. i dont think id fail but . i also do know i am still a lil weak abt this bc i do love him.#n it does swallow me sometikes.#comjng to terms w the fact that i am possessive n jealous n claimy n that its not something i can fix overnight has been .#a challenge. bc i refuse to . like Be Obsessive (which is the result!!!!!!) but . i dont think removing it is the goal bere rn#i think its just accepting it ans making jeslthy choices abt it . not . giving into it asically. n i m TRYING AJDNSJDJDJD#idk i think ive fuckrd up slipping into this bliss state but its like .#anyway i know my fear of losing myself will disappear the more i do figure out what externally keeos me floating n grounded#bc yes i can tslk to myself all day n do the mental stuff but dawg itll drive me mad if i dont have an external outlet#of skme kind. so . im rlly assessing my oprions.#i keeo . thinking abt hte physical side of this . bc yes i love kpop dancing vut it is isolatinf#n i do keep feeling inclined to do pole <3#but i have Fear and Anxiety and Low self woryh so im spending an extra $60 for a privste lesson to get my bearings and comfort#look . i can only tackle one fear at a time alright.#like im terrified to be in a class !!! with other people !!!#but im also terrified bc this is Pole Dancing !! im not the most fleixble person anymore !! im wuitr stiff !!!#and ive only just sgifted my mindset from 'i am Unattactrive' to 'my vody isnt here for other people' so . i am Nervous abt it !
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I think the Kirby series deserves another anime, but I struggle to identify what exactly I'd want from a new adaptation. The original is what it is, y'know, I don't feel too strongly like it committed any egregious sins against the franchise. Dedede's characterization... I get the need for a Typical Villain and I don't think there were many good characters (then or now) to get for the mix of Comical and Reliable you need for a serialized show (the way Bowser, Eggman, or Team Rocket worked for their series). It's definitely sad to see him have such a wildly different character that weighs him down the way it does, but I can't think of an Easy Fix. And that doesn't even touch on the way Game Dream/Pupupuland and Anime Dream/Pupupuland differ in their setting, or the way any dub would have to find a way to Exist when people are gonna compare it to the 4Kids dub. Love it or hate it, it was Something, and any dub would have to choose if it wanted to take inspiration or go its own way (both with their own risks). And then you contend with the existence of the anime original characters.
Honestly, I'd probably say my ideal pick would be a Remake (I guess in the vein of Adventure/Nightmare in Dreamland or Return To Dreamland/Deluxe type of update?) Keep the basic characters and story roughly the same, probably tweak the setting so it's a bit more game like, and focus on something that feels similar but takes account of the general series progression and works with that (even if not everything in the game gets adapted, at least picking and choosing from what the games offer)
#It's kinda hard to think Abt this just because of like. Idk abt the Kirby animes rep in Japan so I cant really. Say anything Abt that#But 4kids- here and in general- was just such a Cultural... Idk what to call it. It's an Icon but not because it's Good#It's not quite ''so bad it's good'' but it's also deeply flawed on so many levels and ppl get that#But Id confidently say that u can't recapture the absolutely Wild energy they added to things.#Like obv the pokemon anime still went on a got dubbed and was fairly well received. But the way 4kids went about it...#Obviously it would still be popular but. They did Something to the Cultural Reception. And Kirby was Entirely 4Kids#(tho the Kirby 3D thing was post 4kids and captured the energy of the dub bc. It had the actors lol. But also that was a Special Episode#So it's a different ballpark from A New Series)#And also Kirby doesn't have consistent voice acting the way Mario or Sonic does. So for a lot of ppl the 4kids voices are The Voices#And a new series has to chose- do you imitate or even replicated (like with the same VAs if you can get them)? Or do you try to start fresh#Both seem like quite the uphill battle...#And final note I'm only talking a Multi Episode Adaptation as opposed to like. A Movie#Because what the hell would the plot of the movie even be. A serialized adaption can do its own Thing#But Kirby doesn't have the kind of Typical Plot that Mario does. And like IDK what the sonic movies are doing#But from my understanding they don't have the expectation of Eldritch Horror Background that Kirby has. Like#Kirby series you can probably get fans to go ''okay theyre telling their own story'' and throw in subtle hints towards the Lore#Without it being The Plot. Movie you kinda have to commit to ''here is a Singular/Standoit Adventure'' and. Kirby doesn't really#Have an easy one of those. Bc the main villain changes like every damn game. So do you go with Dedede (probably pissing off the fans bc#he isn't even always an Antagonist and you're gonna have to struggle with his Hashtag Character Development)? Do you choose One Game#To adapt and probably cause discourse about whether or not you chose right? Do you make a new villain and make all the fans go#''why not (insert game villain)''? Do you make a few sequels (and then get the same questions about why#Some were picked over the others)? Anyway. Obviously I'm not an expert but I feel like a series has the benefit of not only#Having a less Singular Focus but also being able to fall back on the ''anime is a different universe you figure out how the game lore fits'#Y'know. I don't know where I am anymore but whatever
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....he kinda gives sasuke a little o(--(
#the design stays cause i like it tho#im almost done with the drawing part tho!#the worst part is gonna be the coloring#and then after i might try adding like effects if i can figure out AE#yes im still on this made up dating sim thing#idk what to even call this#its like an exercise#that theyd give u in school or something#make up a video game and make fake screenshots of it to sell to the class#something like that!#except this is a erogame
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Well. I am alive. I guess. So theres that much.
#Oh god i have a lot to say#I might aswell post in tags huh?#Where do i even start.#Uhhh well. On my main acc a mutual of mine has been sending me anons (how do i know? Because theyre always sent after the like my posts)#A lot and idk how to feel about it. I mean i like it i think but. Talking to people is weird. I dont mind. To be honest this is probably li#Like healthy. To some degree. Still dk how to feel though#Had to do taxes. Holy hell does getting them done cost. I want to die. Taxes are disgusting. Fuck taxes.#Should get a refund though so thats good#(Pretend im great at reading and understanding taxes)#(This does not contradict anything ive said in the past noooooo)#(If you can figure this out; good job. Because most of what i say is stupid technically true wording but still stupid)#I talked to one of my friends (the one i mostly talk about because i may or may not have attachment issues)#And honestly. I feel alot better. Sorta. For the most part. Feeling much better#It was simple. No explanation. Just. Its okay.#BUT. How they started it off nearly gave me a heart attack! (Not elaborating but. Tbh it read/came off as sad.)#(In the way. Actually idk how to explain normally. Like it was. Almost like concern? Dk how to explain how i read it.)#Trying to make a bracelet. Its going poorly. But trying!#I feel so embarrassed bc. I am not immune to societal standards and embarrasment for breaking them.#But lately ive felt like im lacking something visually. And i used to wear chains (until it started turning my wrist green. Pain to wash of#To fill that. Then rings. And then nothing for personal issues. And now. I just need something more.#Dont get me wrong. I love my piercings. But i need something somewhere else to balance it. It feels off.#Anyways. Im gonna go cry about having to open a new thing because it means i have to spend more money on my addictons sooner
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