#terrified of being known hates to be perceived etc etc

[vryfmi]

talk shop tuesday my beloved ♡(｡- ω -) when you create art, what is it that you aim to capture? like what is the primary thing you want people who view your art to notice and appreciate about it?

tough question, because it doesn't exactly align with my art process or mentality

im not drawing for other people or any "audience" in mind. im drawing stuff that i like and sometimes share it. if others like it and engage with it - it's a nice bonus, i really appreciate it, but im not putting much of expectation on receiving a specific type of feedback.

regarding art itself.

since im only drawing fanart of preexisting characters, i try to capture their likeness and character. naturally i have my own spin on them, headcanons that i project onto their designs (e.g. lucy having uneven hair bc it gets burned by ectoplasm; lockwood's colour being purple and me drawing him wearing that one scarf; the entirety of skull's design bc books only gave us 3 lines of description) which may contrast with or highlight aspects of said character, but it depends on whom you're asking.

in general, not just fanart sense, i try to walk the line between stylisation and realism in my artstyle. also i cheated and asked my friends, they said emotions and composition are something they notice all the time, so there you have it

[just-antithings]

Not really an anti thing, just something I've sorta been pondering and would like some more perspectives on.

Why is it that 2012-2014 is regarded as a sort of "golden age" of fandom? (Or at the very least, of Tumblr fandom?)

My perspective is pretty limited because I only started my first Tumblr account towards the end of 2014.

I know though that Superwholock was the big thing, Harry Potter was still popular (because JKR wasn't known for being a raging terf yet), Homestuck fandom was very active, Oncelermania, One Direction, Avengers, Gravity Falls, Rise of the Big Frozen Brave Tangled Dragons etc etc whatever else they added in, Steven Universe. I think it might have also been helped by the fact that smart phones were starting to become the standard phone and may have given people more access to social media than before.

But I know one thing that caused things to change is because after this time we saw a rise is "cringe culture", cringe compilations on Youtube were trendy.

I've seen a lot of people point to Voltron for causing a toxic shift in fandom attitudes. But (not to center my own experience or anything, I'm posting to hear more perspectives is all) in my opinion the release of The Force Awakens seems like it changed everything. As a day 1 Reylo shipper people were fucking VICIOUS. And it was so widespread too, even people who've never seen Star Wars participated in Reylo hate, because it was just trendy to hate us for some reason. I really do think this was a big part in contributing to the rise of the hypercritical discourse-y state of fandom we see today.

And it really feels like a rapid, night-and-day shift.

Now everyone is terrified of being perceived as "cringe" so it feels like there's this attitude of a sort of detached irony that wasn't there before. People just get so uncomfortable when they see other people fully embracing something, you kind of have to pretend you don't care all that much.

Or terrified of being perceived as problematic, so everyone was dancing in circles and jumping through hoops to condemn everything in sight to prove that THEY'RE definitely not problematic!

Another factor is that it feels like people STAYED in fandoms much longer then. Nowadays things blow up really fast and then disappear overnight. Everyone moves on to the next thing, and it's sometimes even seen as a little weird to still care about something that came out like, a year ago.

I don't know this got long and rambly.

Just curious to hear from more people who were active at the time.

.

[rivetgoth]

Today I had an observation and evaluation with a program supervisor at my internship and it went really well!

Most notably though, afterwards during the debrief she made a comment about how I always have a super good attitude. All of my marks on all of my observations and evals have always scored me crazy high for positive environment, good rapport, good attitude, etc. She was like, "Have you always been like this? Like, were you just this bright smiling confident little boy that was friends with everyone?"

And it was just crazy to hear. I honestly kinda laughed and was like... NO. I explained my backstory a little--Truth be told I was one of the shyest people I have ever known as a kid/preteen/teen. I would make up excuses to avoid going to restaurants with friends because I would feel like I was going to throw up from the anxiety imagining ordering something. I couldn't look people in the eye, couldn't shake their hand, I was terrified to meet new people in any context. I heard the phrase "come out of your shell" 50000000000000x from teachers and other Trusted Adults. My parents were always on my case about it. I remember being like, 12 or so and my mom asked me to run into the store and pick up some milk while she stayed in the car and I just couldn't even IMAGINE a world where I would do such a thing. Like, this is such a vivid memory to me, I remember my mom was annoyed and said something like "How are you going to survive one day when you live on your own?" and I legit could. not. imagine. ever being able to buy something at a store and check it out and deal with a grocery store employee face to face. It legit felt impossible.

As an older teen I started making a really, genuine, honest, active effort to change. Slowly. Truth be told I hated how I was. The social anxiety was symptomatic of a kind of larger issue or a bunch of interconnected issues. I was the pickiest eater I knew. I had dealt with genuine psychotic episodes from around age 14. I had trouble maintaining a single friendship. I was having panic attacks so bad I would end up puking. I was extremely dysphoric and didn't want to be perceived by anyone; I knew nobody would see me as anything but a girl but I felt like I was in genuine danger if I said anything, so I just felt like I was lying to everyone, all the time. It was a lot. I wasn't happy. I made a lot of small changes. Some of these were lifestyle-related: I left public school and switched to independent study. I graduated early and started going to my community college. I got involved in clubs that interested me. But honestly a lot of them were more, like... psychological? Personality-based? More intangible things. I feel like I started engaging with some really introspective shit like

Asking myself, what am I so afraid of? What is the worst that could happen? And actually going through the motions of picturing all of those things, and how I would realistically deal with them, and also realizing that none of it was actually that bad, at all. I could manage literally any of the things I was terrified of, and a lot of the time, there was nothing to be terrified of at all.

Reconceptualizing my social anxiety as an extremely selfish, self-destructive mindset. I think this is going to sound controversial but I believe a lot of my social anxiety was born from being too obsessed with myself. Not in a positive way; I HATED myself. But I was too obsessed with how other people viewed me. I was too obsessed with how I was perceived. To the point that I was treating other people cruelly. You know that tweet that's like "I told my husband that sometimes I worry he hates me and secretly gets annoyed by me, and he said that it made him sad and he wished I wouldn't think of him that way"? Yeah. This also meant doing stuff like developing better social skills for conversing with people that centered them instead of me, like learning how to recognize social cues that didn't really come naturally, asking more questions, being more expressive/reactive, allowing other people to talk first... little things.

But also developing conviction in myself! Realizing that if someone DID think I was stupid, or annoying, or was unnecessarily rude or cruel to me, that they were the one in the wrong. Becoming more confident in knowing who I am and what I'm about, so that if someone judges me, that's on them, not on me. I don't exist for other people. I'm doing my thing authentically, and if other people can't see that, that's on THEM, not on ME.

The two nails in the coffin that buried my social anxiety six feet under for good was getting into the goth/dark alt community and transitioning. Both of these were legitimately life saving. I already loved the music, but I found myself actually wanting to be apart of the community surrounding it. I wanted to go to concerts and see my favorite bands, I wanted to go to clubs and hear the music I love played loud and dance to it. I wanted to dress up and appear Cool to the people I found cool. I literally had to get over it--And when I did go to concerts and clubs and interacted with other musicheads, they were the friendliest, most accepting people I had ever met. It wasn't even that I clicked with everyone instantly, I didn't make any long term friends overnight, but they were nice. They were understanding. They didn't judge me for being a baby bat who was literally bringing his mom to shows lmao. Being in the goth community made me love people, honestly.

And obviously transitioning was just... life saving, in every single sense of the phrase. I would not be alive or who I am in any capacity today if it weren't for transitioning, and it lifted a burden so heavy off of me that it's hard to really fully process the person I was before versus who I am today. Honestly, I almost feel like you could delete everything else and just have this post become a rant about how much transitioning and overcoming my social anxiety has a 1:1 correlation and how much dysphoria masks itself as or at least severely worsens other conditions. I'm genuinely happy now. I enjoy meeting other people. I love being seen as the man I am, navigating society and being authentically me. I think my social anxiety was inseparable from dysphoria. I think my dysphoria was genuinely deeply incapacitating in ways even I couldn't articulate or even fathom.

I did not tell my supervisor all this, LMAO. She doesn't even know I'm trans. I'm stealth to everyone in my program except higher-ups or individuals in my cohort who I've spoken with. But it just had me thinking A LOT about how far I've come. What I did tell my supervisor is, and I stand by this, that I think I'm generally considered a Likable Person™ who promotes Positive Environments™ because it's something I had to work my ass off for. It did not come naturally, and I think it's why I'm so, so cognizant of it.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

Hi Weird Question, but how many followers would you ballpark say you have gotten from posting about qsmp?

I ask this because Ive been on tumblr for a LONG while, I have run multiple fandom blogs and this is the worst follow to notes ratio I have ever gotten for a blog (it is relativity new as well though). I don't want to sound weird and complain about the number of followers I have, but of the 523 posts in my blog, 38 are original posts. I have 236 notes total from those 38. and zero followers. compared to when one of my other blogs was at this size I would have somewhere of a ballpark of 10ish especially with a few posts chilling way above the average of 6 notes

I feel like this could be an issue much like the issue pertaining to people not reblogging stuff, but also I may need to reevaluate the way im interacting with people on this site >_<.

that's kind of a hard question bc i was gaining followers from the trigun fandom very shortly before i started posting about qsmp, so there was a period of overlap, but i guess when i switched to posting primarily about qsmp i would say i've gained approx. 350-400 followers. i typically get anywhere between 100-1000 notes on any qsmp post i make (excluding liveblogging) and i am apparently a more popular blog because i write fanfiction and make analysis posts on occasion which has made me weirdly well known in some places of the fandom and that is terrifying i hate being perceived HELP

ANYWAY i think a better blog to use as an example would be when i had to use a new blog because this one was unfairly flagged for a couple weeks. i used a previously unused sideblog to liveblog and make posts on since posts on my main wouldn't show up in the main tags. i typically got a fair amount of notes, anywhere between 50 to 200 on each post, but i only ended up with maybe 4 or 5 followers on that blog (excluding mutuals i had advised to follow that blog as a backup in case my main went down forever [which it didn't thank fuck]).

honestly?? i assume the lack of following is because a lot of people in this fandom are very wary. qsmpblr likes to hail itself as better than twitter (and it is in some respects for sure, i'm not denying that), but it feels like everyone in this fandom has some kind of Opinion on Something at all times. there's always something to complain about or criticize about anything, whether it be the admins, an event, another cc's character, a cc themself, etc etc. if you follow a person you will be subjected to all of their opinions on every single issue that pops up, even if it's just a dismissal of whatever current discourse is making its way through the tag (and i'm guilty of this myself sometimes, i'm no angel here). there is not a single day that goes by without something negative crossing my dash regarding something that's going on with the smp. doesn't matter what it is, someone will have something to say about some kind of issue no matter what, and that shit gets tiring. sometimes it's better not to follow people lest you find yourself bombarded with opinions. that way you can still scroll your dash without worrying about seeing untagged discourse and infighting and criticism.

[umbralstars]

Basically an "All you need to know" about how I personally write Byleth/All of my Byleth headcanons. This is probably not everything but it's still long enough I have to put it under the cut.

* His birthday is 26 day of Blue Sea Star Moon 1159

- I know that 20 of Horsebow is probably the canon date but I've always used this one since my first playthrough and keep it cause I find it funny

* Byleth has all kinds of memory issues

* Demi-panromantic & demisexual

*Trans masc (He/Him & They/Them)

- He remembers and has dreams of things that are from when Sothis was alive

- He sometimes has trouble recalling facts about the world he lives in (such as who is currently ruling, his teaching plans or things that he has taught before, sometimes can't recall where he is). He keeps a journal of important things that he saw, learned, needs to know etc

+ Caused by being misaligned with Sothis' soul and her consciousness trying to overtake his own

+ He doesn't lose memories outright and can recall things if given the right direction. Once a memory is solidified as more long term it's much harder for him to forget it

- Sothis' memories can cause bad flashbacks that can take him minutes to get out of

+ Jeralt and the other mercenaries look out for him when episodes happen. They often have him talk about them afterwards if he wants too (ie like Jeralt and Byleth's conversation at the beginning of the game after the dream about Seiros/meeting with Sothis)

+ He can't speak during them and gets very spacey

- Fighting and strategy is instinctual for him so memory issues in those areas are non-existent

- When his soul fuses with Sothis' his memory problems mostly cease. All the memories about his own life are permanently solidified and he can somewhat tell the difference between his memories and Sothis'. He still can be paralyzed by her memories but has a much easier time getting out of dazes

* Has a love for learning about the history and culture of Fodlan and everywhere else

- When he was little Jeralt would often tell him stories and folktales about Fodlan while they were riding across the country side. The pre-month cutscenes during White Clouds are Byleth recalling those stories

- Loves learning about the places outside of Fodlan just as much as learning about Fodlan itself

- His favorite books are about history or folklore

* At a crossroad between trusting people implicitly and keeping others at arm's length

- His life as a mercenary certainly wasn't easy, even though he doesn't resent it, so he tends towards giving others the benefit of the doubt even when he may doubt their intentions. Cautiously trusting if you will. Some people may view him as naive because he's willing to trust off the bat and he's fine with that.

- Does fall in line with mercs not really trusting nobles but he points that more towards the parents currently in power and not the kids he knows

- Goddess help you if you break his trust. Once you break his trust it's very hard to actually get it back unless you give him cause for why it was broken in the first place

* Very protective of the people he cares about

- Death or injury of people he care for has always been his biggest fear. His family has always tried to tell him it's just a fact of life, their life especially, but he would rather fight tooth and nail to keep someone alive then to just let them die

* Really good with children actually

* Takes his job as a teacher very seriously. He knows how rough Fodlan and fighting can be, so wants to impart good lessons in the hopes of making his students' lives easier. He knows that some of them have already seen horrors or have been on battlefields, so he treats each person accordingly

* Has a really bad resting bitch face so people think he's really intense/scary when first meeting him

- He has complicated feelings towards being perceived as "intense" or "terrifying" since on one hand it's very useful when he needs to be perceived that way, but on the other hand he feels like that first impression makes it hard to connect with people afterward

- He doesn't ever go out of his way to make people perceive him differently mostly because it would be a hassle and he's thinks people who really know him would understand he's not like that

* Byleth is actually very introverted and somewhat has social anxiety

- He spent almost his entire life around the same people moving from place to place so introversion aside he's not the most experienced about talking to new people

- He never stops people when they want to talk and doesn't really hate talking to people it's just that he doesn't go out of his way to do it unless he likes talking to someone or it's important

* Jeralt's mercenary company is his family and the people he's closest to until Garreg Mach. The Mercenaries are an elite group of about 13 people of various backgrounds

- All of them are basically his aunts and uncles cause they practically raised him alongside Jeralt. He does call a lot of them Aunt and Uncle as well

- One or two are also like siblings to him cause they joined with their parent or when they were younger (like 15)

- They were the only people able to get close to Byleth or get him to talk for the first week or so after Jeralt's death

- I need to expand on them more cause they're very important to me and him

* Byleth has trouble outwardly expressing emotions and understanding his own. He actually feels very deeply but just has trouble really expressing it. Very monotone and straight to the point when he speaks and only slight shifts in tone tells how he's really feeling. Actually has hyper empathy

- Grew up like this despite Jeralt and the Mercenaries' best efforts. Jeralt was always best as reading him because he acted so much like Sitri

- Caused once again by a misalignment with Sothis' soul

- After his awakening, Byleth has a better ability to express himself, and even took on some of Sothis' characteristics, but he still has trouble explaining or talking about what he's feeling

* Generally very calming to be around for most people. Won't ever force anyone to talk but will talk if you start conversation

* Has done some very questionable work as a mercenary

- He has taken on a few assassinations in the past despite Jeralt's insistence he never get his hands dirty like that. The Remire Medicine Incident is one not spoken of much within the company

- He's dealt with brigands, putting down rebellions, guarding caravans, guarding nobles, helping train the standing armies, etc everything under the sun. Will practically do anything if the pay is right

- He does have standards and expects a full rundown of the job beforehand like his father and the rest of the company though

* Loves cats and dogs

* Actually pretty religious and devout by the time of his awakening

- He wasn't completely raised without knowledge of the Church as some of the mercenaries are religious, but he was agnostic for a good portion of his life

- As he lived at Garreg Mach and learned more about the Church's teachings he grew to appreciate it more and more

- Rhea taught him a lot during his many conversations with her

- As Archbishop he does his best to learn every aspect of the Church and exemplify them best he can. Really emphasizes giving aid to those in need, leans heavily into the "Goddess" aspect of his soul, reforms many aspects whilst keeping the core of the faith

- Personally speaks to Sothis on more of an equal and friend level then true God and devotee

- Does become known as the Holy Saint and Avatar of the Goddess within the Church years after he steps down as Archbishop. Doesn't really know how to feel about it but can't say his inclusion is wrong

* Byleth doesn't have the highest opinion of Edelgard

- As I write AM/VW Byleth he was never close to Edelgard at all during his time at Garreg Mach

- He really only sees her as the person who started the whole continental war (which he despises as he very much dislikes war in its entirety) and the person he believes to at least be complicit in his father's death (do not debate with me how much Edelgard knew Kronya's plan. This is entirely how Byleth views what happened)

- He never wished for her death, but does view her as someone very misguided and only wishes she never went as far as she did

* Very terrified of sleep after waking up post-Time Skip

- Fears falling asleep and loose more parts of his life an leaving everyone behind again

- Prefers to have someone close by who can wake him or being woken up in the morning

- Got into the unhealthy habit of just working himself into exhaustion and having a very irregular sleep schedule until his friends had an intervention to talk about what was going on

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

yknow while this hellsite continues on the whole religion discussion thing, i’d like to jump in on it with my experience particularly with leaving catholic school.

like aside from my angsty pop-punk/emo etc teen phase (which’ll obvs be weaved into story later on) that led me to have different views from the church and aside from the whole sexism thing that i endured over my year 10 formal/junior prom in 2010 and 2011 from staff there….. i found it within myself incredibly hard to leave there… mostly because i’d known literally 1/3 of my year group at catholic school since kindy/kindergarten or some other point in primary school.

this affected my choice to leave and it was quite tumultuous inwardly. knowing the safety and predictably of the people i was with for all those years was a comfort to me. i knew their parents due to parent mixer bbqs that we’d have after mother’s day and father’s day liturgies- although i hated the mother’s day ones mostly, due to personal reasons. but to leave that comfortable place for overly loyal, kinda sorta shy (although everyone who knew me at that school wouldn’t’ve described me as shy bc i was a very loud show off because of drama class 😅) and by year 10, very lonely, highly socially anxious and depressed, teen me was terrifying. it meant losing her friends and stability and she obvs hated that thought. it meant leaving the one one place she ever felt good at something, drama class.

obviously, after she did leave for public school, she visited the catholic school on a few separate occasions, to try and keep the connection “alive” or whatever the fuck she wrote in a fake deep status on her fb (that i now get in my fb memories every year lmao). but it all ended pretty badly, when everyone from that school stopped talking to her once high school finished. no one invited her out. or if people did try to invite her out, like a couple of people did, it always fell through…. and it made her feel like she was just a bad luck charm or whatever other low self esteem talk she was telling herself. there was quite a few moody statuses around that too lmao.

but yeah. leaving catholic school was a massive thing for me back then, because even though i hadn’t gone to church on sunday for literal Y E A R S at that point; i still had a strong pull to that school because i’d known SO MANY kids at that school from primary/elementary/grade etc school, regardless of their year group level. because if there’s one thing catholic school was good at, it was networking 😂. you knew everyone, and everyone knew you. it was safe, it was sound, so i didn’t want to leave.

but once you leave, you lose your friends and what almost felt like an extended family (although they obvs weren’t). but at the same time, i’d grown to hate the safety and almost insularity of the school, because as i mentioned earlier, you felt like you could predict how people would react or behave in class/events etc.

i felt the above distinctly, because as i’ve mentioned plenty on here, from years 7-10 i was a very emotionally demonstrative kid. in some classes (mostly religion and PE when i was bothered to participate) i’d end up in shouting matches with the teacher or other students…. or y’know just have a casual meltdown in the middle of class, which many people saw as “attention seeking” behaviour. i felt watched, i felt ready to snap, and to quote the ever present All Time Low i felt like the bridge lyrics from “therapy” (which was/is quite obviously somewhat partially about the price of fame and hollywood imo- but that went over teen me’s head at the time lmao):

“arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to, they’re better off without you (better off without you). arrogant boy, cause a scene like you’re supposed to, they’ll fall asleep without you; you’re lucky if your memory remains”

like yes. i’ll admit those bridge lyrics being applied to this time is rather overdramatic, in hindsight, but hey. that was teen me for ya lmao. and don’t even get me started on applying ATL’s song “sick little games” to this at the time as well 😂😅. anyway. from all the “lms and i’ll tell you what i like about you” trend statuses that people were doing back then on fb, i’d gained the tag of “cool/chill girl”, my crush rich boy, once called me “outrageous” because of how loud i was and how willing in years 7-9 to scream out stupid song lyrics like “i want to fuck dog in the ass” by blink 182, fight song by marilyn manson and then idek probably my humps by black eyed peas at the top my lungs through the very few halls that that school had 😂😅. i was being purposely and annoyingly offensive most of the time.

but eventually, once it came to things like one of the girls in my group wanting to run for vice school captain and the other girls in my group A L W A Y S being given leadership positions (LPs)….. while i always had to apparently “repent” my behaviour by being made (in theory from my teachers) to sit alone at lunch because of my “embarrassing” and “unseemly” behaviour at the so-called “training”/ “retreat” days we had for things like being peer support leaders for the new cohort of year 7s etc etc. i felt like everyone was just waiting for me to leave…. and that they couldn’t stand my “embarrassing” presence and that i’d ruin my friends chances of being selected as co-captain or whatever other bullshit LPs they wanted to run for. but still. i felt like i couldn’t leave. just. how do you leave a bunch of people that you’ve known for so long???

and even when my teachers were nice enough to give me a chance in a leadership position once; in that dastardly bullshit internet safety workshop thing that they should’ve literally just hired a professional workshop co. to do….. but to save money they used students in my year group instead. so, instead of being marked by my teachers on this program; i was marked by the catholic education office. they had a lady come in from the ceo to judge/mark us while presenting…… and this lady went off at teen me for “not being professional, responsible and respectful” or whatever the fuck the woman told 15/16yo me…. which teen me then fired back with “i don’t have to be fucking professional and responsible!!!! IM FUCKING 15!!!!”.. so from then on i was never given an LP or any other type of “peer support” role against my friends who were littered with offers for them. mind you, i did call a whole room of 14 year olds “a bunch of cunts” or the like and then stormed out thinking that i’d made a solid point, so the CEO woman had a good reason 😂😅….. again in hindsight.

of course there was also the bitterness of teen me being angry at the english dept for not giving her a spot in the top class of english in her half of the year. but as i’ve said previously on other posts, i’ve forgiven this because i did essentially fail one shakespeare in class assessment in year 8 or year 9 😂. but i strongly felt this during my time at catholic school bc my friends believed that i should’ve been in the top english class too lmao.

but aside from those troubles and foibles, i still found it incredibly hard to leave. to leave the perceived closeness of that group of girls, who would sometimes walk me down to the office and sit with me in “purple room” while i waited for the teacher that had to act as my therapist almost lmao. even though i always told my friends to leave me be and go back to class bc i felt bad about dragging them out of class for so long.

but yeah. with all the above behaviour, the song lyrics to me at the time made sense bc teen me just felt so pressured to fit into the whole “funny, cool, outrageous girl” bs box that people had put her in…. but at the same time she wanted to escape it bc she was just *flyleaf voice* SO SICK of being laughed at instead of laughed with (atl weightless reference here kids) just because… like she DESERVED to be taken seriously for fucks sake, and not a be a “monkey do funny dance” person… she obvs felt this the most in drama class. where in the shakespeare unit, she picked a medley of romeo and juliet and taming of the shrew monologues to do for her monologue. although she nearly did lady macbeth throwing herself off the tower, to be hella edgy…. but she opted not to do that in the end. but she picked serious pieces bc she was sick and tired of being classed as the one trick pony go-to funny person.

okay. this really went off topic. but y’all get the point??? the decision of leaving catholic school was a hell of a ride for little 14-16yo me. it was confusing, terrifying and tied up in years of being overly judged and feeling like people wanted me to leave bc they were sick of me. it was tied up in years of mid-class meltdowns that had become kind of routine for me to have, and that people were just brushing me off as “attention seeking”…. but also ironically waiting for me to snap at any second for another wild shouting match or walkout; which would then make me look like i was “unruly” or “untameable/unmanageable” or whatever the fuck….. but i couldn’t take that anymore, for the final senior years. i HAD to leave it.

again it was hard to leave for loyal little teen me, despite how lonely and isolated she felt. why leave your friends when you’re comfortable??? but also: why stay in this toxic environment where people are just waiting for you to either shut the fuck up and put up with it or just blow up and absolutely lose your shit??? that’s just unhealthy asf. and the only unruly thing that’s happening here is the complete lack of mental health help or management in the aussie education system; but most especially in religious schools.

[suresimon]

{george robinson, twenty-eight, cis man, he/him} || simon orwell is a mutant with the ability of hellhound physiology. they’ve been in new york for ten years where they spend most of their time as a novelist. when i think of them, i think of hellfire of the holy, finding blessings in curses, the sun shining on a grave.

it’s’a me, a’may’rio ! new muse who dis want 2 make a disclaimer that i am not paraplegic. while i’ve been doing a lot of research so i can portray his disability as accurately and sensitively as possible, if y’all ever see me doing sumn wrong!! pls feel free 2 call me out on it!! research is not quite the same as experience

QUICK FACTS:

full name: simon george orwell (luv that for him)

date of birth: march 14th, 1969

zodiac big three: pisces sun, libra moon, sagittarius rising

gender & pronouns: cis man & he/him

sexual orientation: bisexual (pls let it be known that he can still feel pleasure)

enneagram: 4w3

mbti: infj

temperament: phlegmatic

ability: hellhound physiology

affiliation: brotherhood

alias: cerberus

various inspirations: tbd !

BACKSTORY:

triggers: brief mention of alcoholism, paralysis (paraplegia), i still forgot the word for kids getting kicked out akfjdsl

born and (mostly) raised in north carolina, for some years, simon never knew ‘want.’ it wasn’t that his parents were rich -- nothing of the sort -- rather that his mother would do anything for her sons and daughter. 

their father was not quite as doting, spending more of his time drinking his hatred away than hanging out with his wife and children. if he didn’t... who knows what would happen!

that said, simon was raised to believe that mutants were a species to be feared. ‘they’ll look at you with blood-thirsty eyes,’ so said his mother. but it was not for general hatred -- her own mother had been killed at the hands of one, a brotherhood member, and she’d been left with permanent scarring on her back. his father, on the other hand, simply wanted something he was allowed to hate.

so imagine how unfortunate -- in many ways -- simon found himself when his brother, ian, dared him to dive into a pool using their tiny trampoline... and he ungracefully followed through and dove into the water that was... much shallower than he had perceived. a terrible sensation spread, and then...

his mutation came forth, randomly and suddenly taking the form of a hellhound as a trauma response. in this form, his spine was immediately healed, but when he was quickly and involuntarily snapped back to his original form? to a human? nothing.

the doctors did all they could, but when he came to and they’d given up, he found himself completely paralyzed from the waste down with limited mobility in his arms. he could move his hands. he could move his head. he could move his neck. he could move his forearm. and, with concentration, he could move the rest of his arm. well enough to not be considered quadriplegic!

fortunate that his parents had not seen his transformation, unfortunate that he had no clue what had happened. fortunate that he could move like normal when in his new form, unfortunate that he turned any time the slightest pain was felt in one of his non-numb/paralyzed areas. finally, his ian told him his own secret: while their sister was human (as far as they knew), he was also a mutant. biokinesis, the ability to manipulate life. quite strong, quite invisible.

he told him of this organization -- the brotherhood -- that believed in mutant superiority... to which simon was like ‘didn’t one of those mutants scar mom and kill grandma?’ to which... he confirmed, but waved off. ian was considering joining, if he could find a way, and he encouraged simon to do the same.

that said, simon still had a deep-seated fear and slight hatred towards mutants. it wasn’t something he found himself able to believe in until he was sitting in the family room, watching some program that he can no longer remember, and felt a burn on his hand from his sister accidentally dropping a hot plate. 

hyperbolic trauma response: he turned into a hellhound. his parents were terrified, his sister was curious, and ian... had an odd look of pride. to make things worse, he accidentally used a subpower he didn’t even know he had and induced fear. when he was human again, his loving mother insisted that he leave. and, just to prove a point, ian used his powers -- something he had honed much better than simon -- to rot the apple on his sister’s tray (and she just looked more pissed off than afraid or angry at the two).

somehow, they found themselves in new york. with a wad of cash and unfulfilled dreams, they settled down. ian was forced into the role of his caretaker (which is why he’ll remain an npc, rip), something that felt somewhat humiliating at first but... after a while, just natural.

ian aided in simon honing his ability. and when he finally did? he’d now garnered enough hatred in his heart to truly consider his brother’s suggestion. unlike his brother, he wasn’t murder-happy, but remembering his parents... thinking about all the ways others thought of him in his hellhound form... thinking about the essex house and how that could’ve been him... thinking about the way he was actually fortunate to have the ability -- how his world would be so small without it... 

as kind of an aside, he purchased a dictation recorder to begin spilling his guts a la novels. fiction? sure! based on real life? sure! non-fiction? ...masked as fiction, sure! and, while it wasn’t the steadiest income, he would... occasionally lie and say he was related to george orwell... which would encourage publishing companies to sign, and encourage even more people to buy his novels.

five years ago, he joined the brotherhood with ian. while he isn’t too fond of murder, in his hellhound form, his predator instinct amplifies his hatred tenfold. as a hellhound, he’s so down for murder! and as a human, he’s... down for ranting about them and helping come up with plans.

CONNECTION IDEAS:

his sister ! i love family connections. with his brother being his caretaker, i pretty much have to leave him as an npc, but i think his sister would be really fun ! could be a mutant, could just be curious and... not furious. she clearly did/does not hate them to the same degree as their parents, something that simon and his brother picked up on.

brotherhood besties ! give him some people from the brotherhood who are like ‘yeah, i’m down with murder, but i’m not down down. i feel u!’

brotherhood peer pressure ! they think it’s pretty lame that he’s down for helping with the plans, but has to actually go into his hellhound form to be down with murder :\

neighbors ! he lives on the first floor of the silverhouse apartments. quite frankly, these are the people who probably know him ( in his human form ) the best.

friends from when he first arrived ! as it says on the tin !

fans of his books ! maybe they believe he’s a distant relative... maybe they don’t... but either way, they like his books.

exes ! he doesn’t have the chance to get into many serious relationships, but these two provided him with that. he felt desired... which was nice. no matter what terms they’re on, he’ll always be thankful for that. ( 1/2 )

open to so much more ! besties, ppl who ask him too much so he likes 2 lie 2 them, ‘so if you’ve got hellhound physiology, does that mean hell is real?’ ‘idk!’, etc, etc, HERE FOR IT ALL!!

@c23intros​

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

@herdeandragonpainter replied to this post I made regarding Shin’s feelings towards Carla. I hope you don’t mind me posting your reply like this but you raise some interesting points and there’s some stuff I’d like to address.

Honestly I understand why he and others would hate Carla for what he did more but I blame shin more for being stupid and forcing Carla in that position in that first place I don't think he it was just his immaturity I think was too spoiled rotten and defended by his family even by Carla to some extent he got praised for beating up his clan members I think this matter could have been avoid if they properly taught shin what it truly mean to be strong and be a leader and is Always hard no matter what instead of seeing him as a kid and if he was more sen They never truly treat him as a young adult that needs to be more responsible as the prince of the first blood clan and help lead and defended the clan they pretty more saw him as a being too immature and kept him in the dark about all the problems with the clan and his dad and protected him in a way they didn't think he could be strong enough to handle the severity of the problems giessbach was causing or truly support him as a person to be strong the only 1 who did That was yui in his route his aunt left and his mom relied more on carla And if shin was more sensible and did his responsibility as a prince and 1 of the the leaders and protector of the clan more instead of picking fights and being immature about his inferiority complex his family would have seen him in a better light and view him more as a young adult and prince able to take care of himself and protect and lead the clan instead of a immature self centered kid that Can't handle the harsh reality of life life is hard no matter what if he doesn't have what it takes to do whatever it takes to survive he would never be able to fully defend himself much less others I don't think he realised him people respected Carla more not just because of his abilities but he was doing his responsibilities as a leader well shin never did anything like that and spent his days seething in his own inferiority complex and beating founders up all day I am kind of worried about the founders I think part of their demise had to do with how prideful they are it like other than their pride as a founder their life has no meaning I don't think they have the courage to retreat when necessary and plan for a counter attack or handle being weak well if everyone thinks like shin the clan is screwed if the males are dying in their prime before they start a family I can see how they lost their power before endziet fully devoured The clan even the wise Carla and his experienced uncle did sucidail acts because they are Pround founders yui got in danger because of this philosophy it makes me worried about the all the founders wives in the past and if they were left defendless with their children because the males tried to be "proud founders" krone also died because her trash husband was crazy with this Even if they were ghouls with their experience they would have taught the next generation and other founders well but Carla uncle killed himself and his knowledge died with him

Firstly, regarding Shin, yes a lot of his problems lie in the fact that no one really addressed them while he was growing up (even if Carla tried in his own way, and was less than successful), BUT do I think he would have been treated any differently if he was more responsible? Honestly no. Carla didn’t have any time for Shin, not because of Shin’s personality, but because he was busy with a lot of other things, a change in Shin’s behavior wouldn’t have altered that. We don’t get much of a look into what Krone and Shin’s relationship was like when he was older, but ultimately she didn’t have very much power and I still think she would have relied on Carla more as the eldest. Giesbach definitely wouldn’t have done anything differently. The reason he didn’t send Shin to the front lines in the war against Karl wasn’t because he didn’t think Shin was responsible enough, it’s because, for all his faults, Gies did love Shin and in my opinion didn’t want him to get killed or injured (whereas to Gies Carla was disposable yes he was dreadful I know).

(This got super long so I have put the rest below the cut)

I also don’t think the other founders would have treated Shin particularly differently either. If you listen to what they say about Carla in the flashbacks in Shin’s DF route in terms of defeating Karl, they might have respected Carla for  his attitude but from the way they talk about defeating Karl, honestly I think they respected his raw power more, something Shin simply didn’t have (and which caused so much friction between them). 

Yes, the founder’s prideful attitudes certainly didn’t endear them other members of the demon world, although it is still important to remember that some members of the other clans did in fact support the founders (sort of enforcing this belief in a way) which we know from Carla’s DF route, and also in one of the bonus CDs, I believe Shin mentions that the Tsukinami brothers get their money from sponsors in the demon world (and we know they can’t be other founders because the other founders are all dead).

We don’t get to see very much of the other founders, but they seem to have been doing okay until Endzeit and Gies decided to pick a war with Karl, so I certainly wouldn’t have said there was an issue of them “dying in their prime”. From the little we do see, not all of them were as combative as Shin and Shin says in his monologue at the start of his DF Ectsasy Prologue that there were some founders who didn’t like conflict. 

The key thing that ultimately lead to their downfall was Giesbach taking action against Karlheinz and Burai, which wasn’t a matter of pride but was solely due to Gies going nuts (I think at the idea that he might not be the most powerful demon around).

As for the matter with founders becoming ghouls to avoid dying from Endzeit, I think it’s important to remember that, from the information we get in the games, I’m pretty sure the only one who knew that you could be cured by staying in Rotigenburg and becoming a ghoul was Felsen because it happened to him. When Kino tells Carla about this in LE, Carla’s clearly never heard of it before, and if he hadn’t I doubt any of the other founders did either. And even if they had known, after they were sealed in Bandmaden, there would have been no way for them to reach Rotigenburg anyway so they didn’t really get a choice. (And it means we don’t actually know whether all of them would have decided to die as a founder rather than live).

Admittedly, I don’t think many of them would choose to give up being a founder and while pride does play a part in it, it’s a bit more complicated than that. Firstly, we get told multiple times in DL that immortals perceive death differently to humans and that it’s something to be celebrated. As for the matter of pride, like I said, that’s going to play a part in it but, their species was part of their identity. Think for a moment about the things that make you up as a person, things you value (could be your sexuality, your gender, your religion, etc.) Now imagine having to give up one of those parts of yourself. I’m not sure how easy it is to think about but I think that’s the best way I can try to get you to visualize the sort of decision a founder would be facing when deciding to live as a ghoul or die a founder.

Finally, ghouls are significantly less powerful than founders, so in being cured of Endzeit, they’d lose most if not all of their magical abilities, which I imagine would be a pretty terrifying concept to someone who had spent their entire life as an individual with power. Yes, as you said they could potentially have tried to raise the next generation, but everyone in Banmaden (with the lone exception of Shin) eventually caught Endzeit, in which case they all would have ended up just living as ghouls (and I’m certain that if this had happened, the other demon races would have just ended up treating them as terribly as they treat the other ghouls). 

TD;LR

I don’t think Shin would have been treated any differently by his family or the other founders, even if he were the most responsible individual in the demon world.

The founders do have some major issues when it comes to pride, but ultimately that wasn’t the cause of their downfall (although it certainly didn’t help). The reason why Carla and Shin are in the position they are now is because of a combination of Endzeit and Giesbach going mad and entering into a war with Karl. 

As for the matter of founders choosing to die from Endzeit rather than living on as ghouls. We don’t get a good enough look at other founders to know if all of them would have chosen to die as a founder. While it might seem like stupid decision from our perspective as ordinary humans in a non-magical society, to them it would have been a very big deal and it’s important to try to look at it from their angle to understand why they would choose to do such a thing.

Hope you’re all having a lovely day and that this makes sense!

[brynwrites]

How to Write Non-binary Characters: Part III.

Visit PART ONE: the basics.

Visit PART TWO: the nitty gritty.

PART THREE: common pitfalls and easy fixes.

Here we'll cover some common situations where writing respectful non-binary characters can be trickier.

Writing Non-human Non-binary characters.

Non-human non-binary characters aren’t inherently disrespectful to non-binary people, but it can easily become negative representation when there are no non-binary humans present, because it implies that those with non-binary genders are less human (and usually more monstrous or more alien) than people with binary genders. You can read more about why this is a problem in this full analysis by Christine Prevas.

There's a very simple solution to this though: Write some non-binary humans. (Or, in the least, make it explicitly clear that non-binary humans exist, and are just as valid in their identity as anyone else.)

Writing Non-binary Villains.

This situation is very similar to the non-binary non-humans, but instead of implying that non-binary people are less human, it implies they are less moral, abnormal, depraved, or insane. Villainous figures in history have often have their villainy connected to or blamed on their non-gender conforming traits. We don't want to add to that clinging transphobic and homophobic belief with modern fiction.

As with non-binary non-humans, having non-villainous non-binary characters can go a long way in offsetting this, as well as not connecting (or letting characters within the world connnect) the villain's non-binary aspects with their perceived villainy. Instead of writing a non-binary villain, write a villain who also happens to be non-binary.

(On this note, I would be very cautious about writing villains who are being villainous because they've suffered from transphobia.)

Killing (your only) Non-binary Character.

This falls into the same category as the previous two sections, but it has just one solution: don't kill your story’s only non-binary or trans character. Just don't do it. If that character has to die to make the plot continue, let there be another primary non-binary or trans character in the story somewhere.

Writing “Coming Out” Scenes for Non-binary Characters.

Let's break this into two different types of coming out:

The casual, everyday coming out. This is the kind of coming out a non-binary person has to do every time they need to let new people in their lives know about their gender. If you're writing non-binary characters, you'll probably have to write some version of this at some point. It can be as simple as a character introducing themselves with their pronouns, wearing clothing or pins that say their pronouns, mentioning their identity casually, correcting someone's misuse of their pronouns, making a (respectful) joke involving gendered terminology (e.g. "I'm the king of monopoly today and the queen of monopoly tomorrow, but either way you're all going to lose!"), or a multitude of other ways.

While writing any setting that you create yourself (whether that's fantasy, science fiction, alternate history, etc), you can always do yourself a favor and work a method of identity presentation into the world building. Maybe in your fictional culture everyone wears a certain color accessory for certain gender identities or in your fictional boarding school the students all decided to introduce themselves with their pronouns no matter what gender they identity as.

The major, terrifying coming out. Often, this is the traditional coming out scene where the person sits down with family and tells their truth, even though they know things might turn out poorly. It might be the first time they've come out to anyone, or it might be that they've held off with certain important people in their life because they're afraid of those people's response. Be wary of writing out these scenes if you haven't lived through them yourself, because it's a very emotional and complex situation which, if represented poorly, can harm non-binary and trans people in real life. Sometimes though, you might want to allude to what happened during this scene because of its effect on the character!

Keep in mind that while there is much prejudice against non-binary (and trans) people in our world, that you don't have to include that in your stories. It is always the writer's decision to include transphobia and transphobic characters in what they write, as well as their responsibility to make sure that any transphobic inclusions are framed as the terrible, incorrect biases they are, and do not harm the trans and non-binary community.

Writing Non-binary Characters Discovering They’re Non-binary.

Realizing you're non-binary is often a long, emotional, and extremely personal experience. Unless you have a non-binary (or trans) co-writer or you've done an academic level of research, its best to leave these experiences to be written by the people you lived them, because there are many living people who have lived them, who will be effected by these stories on a very real, very personal level.

So, go write non-binary characters, but write them having adventures and falling in love instead.

Writing Societies Without Gender Binaries.

Because this is a huge topic where new pitfalls might appear at any moment do to the endless ways it can be used, the best thing to do if you're interested in writing it is to read speculative fiction from trans and non-binary authors and study the nuances of how they portray these societies, and, of course, always avoid the societal version of all the previous no-nos, like having only villainous or non-human non-binary societies.

Remember: when in doubt, get non-binary people to beta read your work.

Finally, here are two insanely easy ways to include non-binary representation in all your stories:

1. Give a character (or multiple characters!) they/them pronouns. 

You don’t have to explain this. The character never needs to come out as non-binary. There doesn’t have to be a focus on whether they’re androgynous or not. You can keep it so simple that their description is just “Parker had brown hair and a hooked nose and when they smiled their eyes lit up,” and there you have a non-binary-coded character without having to do any work or research at all.

2. Have a character refer to their family member with gender neutral terms. 

“Those are my sisters, my big brother, and my little sibling. We were on a skiing trip, but our step-parent came down with the flu so our father stayed back at the lodge and let our auntcle take us up the mountain.” Will any of these non-binary characters ever by in the story itself? Perhaps not. But it still shows that the author accepts the existence of non-binary people in their story’s world, and that the character speaking loves and respects the non-binary people in their family enough to refer to them in the ways those family members prefer.

Closing Words.

Non-binary people have had a long history of being ignored in Western stories. Having writers attempt to include respectful non-binary representation in their books is more important to us than having all that representation be perfect. So, write non-binary characters, find a few non-binary or trans readers to double check your work, and most importantly, and have fun.

While you’re at it, consider supporting non-binary writers writing ownvoices stories. If you don’t know of any, here’s the wikipedia list of the more famous authors and a little twitter thread with some lesser known voices. You can also purchase my debut novel, Our Bloody Pearl, a fun romp about a disabled, non-binary siren and a freckly pirate captain.

Stick around for a preview of Our Bloody Pearl....

SWELL BEGINNINGS

There is one thing I know for certain: We were right to hate the humans.

HUNGER HAUNTS ME like a bull shark. With every roll of the ship, the gunk inside my stagnant tub sloshes against my waist, stinging anew. The tight wooden room's stale air burns my lungs.

Steam whistles in the pipes that run along the walls, their copper gleaming in the dim ceiling light. My wrists throb where the metal cuffs locking me to the tub dig into my silver scales. The gill slits along my neck are clamped shut after a year without seawater and my head fins stick to my scalp like barnacles to rock.

I try to anchor myself with the memory of home, of fine sands and vibrant reefs, but I can barely recall the rush of the warm current or the thrill of the hunt. Even a single wrasse sounds like a feast now. Or a few human fingers.

At least I can still smell the sharp brine of the ocean. When the ship rocks, the small, circular window to my left reveals the sea rolling in an endless stretch of deep blue, begging me to return. The silhouette of an approaching vessel forms a blur on its horizon.

I squint at the hazy shape, but Captain Kian’s roar of irritation from an upper deck makes me recoil. My captor’s harsh voice is so loud it seems to shudder its way down my spine.

The new vessel leaves my sight as the ship I’m captive on—the Oyster—turns toward it. The steam stacks clatter to life somewhere beneath me. Fabric and metal wings stretch out from the sides of the Oyster, and the ship bursts forward, riding just above the crests of the waves.

The sudden change in speed shoves me backward, tossing up my putrid water. As the liquid recoils, it grazes my largest tail fin, lying limp over the far edge of the tub. For all the pain I suffer, I nearly forget my tail exists, its iridescent gleam washed away by the filth and grime of the tub. It must still be impaired from the massive, anchor-like weight my captor crushed it beneath when she first locked me here. I can’t bring myself to focus on its lifeless form for long. I wasn’t meant for this.

I need the sea.

Purchase the full novel on amazon, bookdepository, or kobo, or request it from your local library!

[captain-aralias]

META ASKS!!! 1, 7, & 17. Also hoping you’re having a lovely weekend 💖

<3 <3 <3 thank you!! i would be delighted to answer these asks. my weekend is... ok. i’ve enjoyed the asks part, otherwise... i tried to make some space on my bookshelves to get more stuff off the floor. that part wasn’t so good. (was this an ask? i’ve answered it anyway. i’m in the zone) (hope yours is going well.)

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i think the real you, not the interviewer, knows the answer to this 😂 but i’ll tell you anyway. for posterity. 

i have two carry on exchange things. so both are secret.

one of them i’ve mapped out in my head enough that i think i can start writing it. i should have started today, but i didn’t want to because my brain needed some distance from writing.  it’s about [REDACTED]. 😂 what i like about it so far is nothing because i haven’t written it, but i think the prompter gave me a cool thing to write about that i’m excited to ... have written. i think it will be good. 

the other one, i have no idea what i’ll write and so need to get this first thing done. 

the OTHER thing i’m writing is for you 🥰 but it’s not a secret. it has no title yet, but it’s about baz joining the coven where simon works about 10 years after they last saw each other at watford (because they didn’t get together). i really wanted to write a ‘getting together later in life’ fic because i love them, and i wanted to write it for you because i know you do too and you wrote two really recently. (my other favs from this genre are Recapture the Magic by rainbowbaz and newkid on the block Could It Be Magic? by @arca9 )

what i like about mine .... is that it’s a chance to write both of them as more-assured and confident versions of themselves, and to write something a bit more like what i wrote for blake’s 7 and doctor who (and ‘keep calm’) where to be worthy of simon’s love baz has to actually do some good stuff - acts of service, gotta love them. plus, they’re awkward colleagues and go to the pub, and simon gradually realises he likes him. which i like!!

i dont like that i have literally written about 400 words of it. it’s a long way from being done.

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

just answered this one (possibly rather boringly) here. 

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

this is a hard one to answer. i know that you once told me you thought i was tall 😂

er.... i mean, the answer is almost certainly yes. i perceive my work in a certain way because i wrote it, and i read it and think ‘WTF was i thinking with this paragraphing?? why is everything on a different line??’ and probably no one else cares. 

i think it’s possible that ‘carry on’ fandom thinks i’m kinkier than i really am - in fact, i’ve just been in fandoms for a decade, so i’ve become much more comfortable with writing smut.

occasionally i say that i dont want to become a professional writer, and that surprises people because often fandom people do! i think i’d really like to be a writer, to be fair - i’d like to be known for writing and to have written characters people love, but i can’t invent my own worlds or characters and that’s not what i enjoy doing. plus, i find it really hard to write on command, and the idea of having to be creative to earn money is genuinely terrifying. 

i feel like i’ve said a lot of the other things about my motivations before - like a lot of what i write is driven by my relationship with my partner, who i recently banned from reading my fic because i know she hates the canon and that really upsets me because i write fanfic a) because i love the canon but also b) that is about as bound up in the canon as possible. if you don’t know the canon, i’m not sure what you’re getting out of it. you’re not getting the jokes, and you dont know whether this is good characterisation, or why it was clever to bring X in - or that i didn’t invent Y, it’s from the canon. 

but then i also felt bad about banning her because so much of it is about her - the depression and the politics definitely, and she’s the one who’s obsessed with victoriana so. it would have been difficult to write ‘Tyrannus’ without listening to her for the last decade. plus, we’ve often been in the same fandoms before, and have written for each other a lot. (she’s better than me.)

maybe it would surprise people to know i don’t think i’m actually that gay. but i have also only been in one relationship ever, and it’s with another woman. i love gay romance, though. M/M or W/W - both in fandom, and in literature, film, etc. 

maybe i answered that question ok in the end!

[bondsmagii]

Okay now I’m curious what kind of modern magic practitioners the SOM characters would be - Pinkcupboardwitch

my own magic is very off grid but I can hazard a guess at the various aesthetics using things I’ve actually done, because this is the shit I think about.

Shades of Magic As Modern Magic I’ve Actually Done

Kell: I had a phone where the on button was constantly depressed so if it shut off I wouldn’t be able to turn it on again. one day it ran out of battery and after spending ages trying to coax the button up via a pin I accidentally stabbed my finger and started bleeding. was so frustrated by that point that I said “fuck it” and used a blood magic command to fix the phone. it worked.

Holland: whenever I don’t want to be Perceived I have a certain ritual that I do that somehow allows me to walk right past people without being seen, or with the person in question looking at me and seeing a totally different person. I mostly use this to sneak past people I don’t want to talk to or skip long bathroom lines.

Rhy: I can do this thing where if I look into a person’s eyes (real life or photograph) I can get flashes of things that mean a lot to them, prominent memories, etc. it gives me a headache if I do it too much but when I used to go out clubbing I was known to do it in order to have an opportunity to chat someone up. I had moderate success.

Alucard: I took on a really fucking terrifying demon that haunted the house I lived in in Ireland because it fucked with my cat. I’d been trying to avoid it up until that point but then it trapped my cat in the front room and terrified her and I was so mad that I cursed it out and then trapped it on the stairs for a few months.

Lila: every time I’m on the road and I need to go to a new place I’m not sure of I just vibe with the road and visualise where I want to go and then I just seem to Know all the turns to take.

Athos: this one I’m going to be vague about re: the details because I will admit it was very Nasty Magic but it was wholly deserved. I had someone who terrorised me when I was younger and let’s just say I tailored the punishment to fit. the effects of this curse still ruin her life to this day and no I shall not be lifting it.

Astrid: put a curse on a girl I hated in school. she was really mean to me in my defence but it was also Baby’s First Curse and I may have gone too far. she did not, however, fuck with me again.

Beloc: when recipes start to go wrong or look like they’re doing something unusual/going to take too long, I stand with my face close to the pot and sing to it. for some reason this helps.

Osaron: the only time I summoned something. got bored while in uni dorms and summoned a spirit using a cobbled together ritual involving a doll, a knife, and various other things that you shouldn’t be using in a spell. house was horribly haunted for the rest of the semester. I pretended like I didn’t know what could have possibly happened.

[dansiere]

✩⋆ . manner of articulation; first sign of rebellion.

mini-headcanons #1

Whenever her articulation is concerned, Pearl is well known for her rather precise but sometimes long-winded dialogue. She is prone to ramble whenever given the chance & hardly replies to a question or comment with a single sentence. Usually one to articulate herself almost flawlessly, Pearl can come off as haughty or patronizing from time to time -- this, however, has not always been the case. 

     Pearl’s change of speech is inevitably linked to her shift in status & occupation; beginning with her role as a servant on Homeworld, & altering drastically throughout growing more & more independent, with most of her alterations becoming evident during the GEM WAR. -- to Pearl, these changes made out of her own volition [alongside becoming a “knight”] hold immense importance. After all, they embody a break with the diamond authority & a step towards personal freedom.

DISCLAIMER: The following includes my own headcanons & ideas & should, by no means, to be perceived as canon. While my headcanons are usually rooted in canon lore & use analysis of aforesaid material, the very ideas are my own.

1) HOMEWORLD. as a default pearl in White Diamond’s service, Pearl possessed a high-pitched equally default voice, very clear but also extremely monotone & robotic, lacking any signs or traces of individuality. She usually articulated herself by using specific sentence components alongside ending or beginning aforesaid sentences with “MY DIAMOND”. As a default [lacking common configurations] her vocabulary as such was fairly limited. She rarely used pronouns to refer to herself. Instead, she spoke in allegories by using her superiors as a means to convey whatever she was supposed to convey [”My Diamond would like to see you now” instead of “I am here to pick you up” or “My Diamond enjoys dance performances” instead of “I like to dance”]. Needless to say, Pearl never truly expressed her own wishes or thoughts but indirectly stated her concerns through, again, using “her diamond” as a reference. While other pearls sometimes spoke more freely in private, Pearl never felt the wish to do so. In addition to her linguistic limitations, she also yielded to behavioural rules & regulations. -- pearls were only allowed to talk whenever spoken to, were supposed to listen to verbal & gestural commands [an example for a keyphrase being “that will be all” followed by clapping twice]. -- this usually led to Pearl developing the habit to silently stand in the background, waiting for a command or anything similar. 

    The first alteration to her common manner of articulation was made after being handed to Pink Diamond, approximately 1500 years after her emergence. Pink often asked Pearl questions & encouraged her to speak up whenever she felt the need. It took Pearl several years to actually do so. -- eventually, in an attempt to “make Pink happy” she unsolicitedly, on her own volition, suggested interstellar travel; Pink Diamond rejoiced & believed she had finally gotten through to her silent & dull “companion”. Things did not progress much further from there, however, even if Pearl started adapting by learning how to use the pronouns “I” & “me” instead of constantly expressing herself through referring to Pink as “her diamond”. 

2) LIFE ON EARTH / THE GEM WAR. partially in an attempt to further adjust to her NEW lifestyle, Pearl started speaking more freely, allowing emotions to influence her pronunciation, developing her own, personal sentence structure & melody. Whenever Rose & her travelled to Earth together, Pearl grew more confident; instead of reverting to her head-voice, Pearl focused on speaking in a lower pitch, in addition to shortening words [i.e. negations]. Still, she hardly initiated conversations, waited for commands or questions, sometimes fell back into old habits or apologized for “speaking out of turn”. However, shortly after the outbreak of the rebellion, Pearl started to ramble more frequently, laughed & learned eagerly. -- it was difficult at first & required a lot of concentration & new-found strenuousness but she managed, at least in a certain scope, eventually.

     Upon meeting other Gems, things grew more complicated & complex. At first, Pearl was usually assumed to be Rose Quartz’ personal servant & thus addressed as such. This proved to be an issue that triggered Pearl’s programming & basically erased what progress she had made so far. While she could speak more freely with Rose, the stress that other gems evoked caused her to go back into servant mode, forcing her to silence herself to prohibit any personal “slip-ups” that could have led to her revealing Rose’s & her status. -- she had never learned how to talk to any Gem aside from other pearls or diamonds, leaving her with no other choice than to relearn how to properly react & respond to people in specific social scenarios. To overcome her conditioning’s interference & personal inability to muster up the nerves to actually converse, Pearl spoke in a strictly monosyllabic manner at first. “Yes”, “No”, “Okay”, “So?” “What?”, “Go there”, “Negative”, “Positive”, etc were commonly the only words others would come to hear. -- either that or she did not say anything at all. 

     -- --. Needless to say, part of Pearl’s status as “Terrifying Renegade” came from her being perceived as mute, usually glaring at whoever happened to be in her proximity, rather letting her deeds “do the talking”. While people never truly expected a pearl to speak, it was the way she carried herself, the way she poofed / shattered enemies seemingly out of nowhere before disappearing again that struck fellow rebels & Homeworld soldiers with fear. -- instead of a soft-spoken, demure “yes, my quartz” other gems would hear gruff retorts or receive nought but a long, direct stare. -- needless to say, many perceived that as quite unnerving. 

     In truth, however, Pearl had troubles rearranging her sentences, ever afraid of "messing up”. Speaking had suddenly become a fight of its own; on the one hand, she fought her programming by not only speaking out of turn but also by using words & phrases she was not supposed to use, addressing Rose not as DIAMOND but by her NAME or as LEADER OF THE REBELLION while on the other concentrating on using the right pronunciation, taking the pitch of her voice, sentence melody & social etiquette into consideration. Most of her attempts came out languidly spoken & overcautiously phrased; Pearl had to completely remodel EVERYTHING she knew whilst constantly biting her tongue whenever the urge to be “just a pearl” arose. -- most of her learning process consisted out of observing other Gems & listening to their conversations, through reading, or having Rose teach her specific vocabulary during sword-fighting practice. Due to this, it took her quite a while overcome her emotional limitations, her fear of failure, & the ongoing inner conflict which the very situation had inevitably set free. 

3) POST WAR / SHOW-CANON. at this point in time, after approximately 1000 years, Pearl had come a long way. Her affinity to pay close attention to every spoken word led to her developing quite the pristine grammar & a low-pitched voice alongside quite a lively tone. Nowadays, she usually speaks rather formally, using little to no abbreviations unless she interacts with people she knows [such as Steven, Garnet, Rose & Amethyst]. Additionally, she has a hard time keeping her sentences brief; she rambles, & joyously so. 

     Yet despite all of her improvements & pride, most of her “lofty” & eloquent talk is deeply rooted in a certain hyper-awareness & a terrible fear of “messing up” or falling back into old patterns. Even if she has long moved past the servant phase of her life she still feels like she has to prove that she is as smart as anyone, that she is not “just a pearl” but in fact as good as any other gem. Her urge to earn validation makes itself known in various situations, often subconsciously coercing her to “show off”. -- her desire to constantly share what she knows, her patronizing manner of addressing / calling out mistakes or correcting “grammatical flaws”, her seemingly neverending ramblings; it all ties back to her past & having been confronted with her status throughout her entire life. 

     While she is quite GOOD at covering up her insecurities through partially “faked” bravado, her inferiority complex often shows whenever she is agitated or emotions get the best of her. In the worst cases, her nervousness & emotional instability makes her speak faster than she thinks, lets her stumble over her own words, has her trail off, swallow vocals & consonants or have her at a loss of words. It makes it harder for her to express what she means, pushing her into this unbearable situation of not knowing how to continue or what to say; she loses her red thread & tries to save face by fleeing the premise.  -- it is something she hates but cannot really control.

[dontforgetyourmedstoday]

About a year ago me and my ex friend ended things. now i am terrified that she will post screenshots of my texts with her on social media. We were very close so i told her some really personal and damaging things over text, related to abuse, sexuality, addiction, self harm.. etc. i'm only worried because she holds a big grudge against me.. i got WAY too close to her boyfriend and she's HATED me ever since. she is known for being kind of crazy/psycho. am i being paranoid? we havent talked in 1 yr

Hello friend, thanks for reaching out. 

Your message made me immediately think of something my sister’s psychologist once told her “It’s not paranoia if they are actually out to get you.” I say this because these are genuine and understandable concerns you have and it makes sense that this situation is stressful for you. Paranoia by definition unjustified suspicion or mistrust. So no, I don’t think you are being paranoid. 

However, the fact that you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean it will actually happen either.  The fact that nothing’s happened in a year is a good sign that it probably won’t happen 🙂. It sounds like you were good friends prior to you ceasing your friendship and it may be that despite the hurt she feels, she is still respectful enough not to share things that were shared in confidence. Alternatively, you may know things about her that she might not want to be shared either. 

I’m really sorry to hear this is causing you distress and I hope it helps to know that it’s a really normal human reaction to be worried about things we perceive might cause us to be ostracised from the group (whatever form that group might take) because we are at our core social creatures. It might be worth talking to someone, such as a counsellor or therapist, to talk about the things that you shared with your ex-friend and they may also be able to help you have a plan if she does share anything. 

I hope this helps, feel free to drop by anytime. I’m sorry for not replying earlier, things have been a bit hectic here. 

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

hey, shannen! regarding your last post about skins (effy/cook): it's really interesting to hear other opinions. Personally, I liked that that specific pair didn't end up together; I always thought their relationship was too dysfunctional and damaging to make a good fit! But I have to admit, I didn't watch all of the fire/ice etc episodes and maybe it's been too long to remember s3/s4 correctly haha;) just love to hear your take on it if you find some time! best wishes :)

Hey there, anon!

I couldn’t have recieved this ask at a better time, because I literally just finished re-watching seasons 3 and 4 of Skins yesterday! 

Thanks for sending this ask, I always love to discuss these topics and I’ve never really had the opportunity to discuss Cook and Effy in-depth before. Strap yourself in, because this is pretty lengthy, but hopefully you’ll enjoy reading my take on it. :)

Cook and Effy are a very complicated ship for me, because part of me thinks they’re very toxic and that practically they could never work as a couple. However, the other part of me thinks that they were only portrayed that way on the surface, and that in actuality, there is no basis for thinking that. Cook and Effy absolutely could’ve worked together if the show had given them that opportunity.

Personally, I don’t think it was their relationship that was dysfunctional or damaging, but Cook and Effy themselves. As people, Cook and Effy were both deeply damaged people by the time they met in season 3. Having known Effy from seasons 1 and 2, we know that she suffered from some form of Selective Mutism and that she generally had a lot of emotional difficulties in regards to opening up to and connecting to others. Nothing describes that as well as her line in season 2 when she said, “Sometimes I think I was born backwards, you know, came out my mum the wrong way. I hear words go past me backwards. The people I should love I hate, and the people I hate–” In seasons 1 and 2 Effy was around 14-15 years old and she was already demonstrating reckless and self-destructive behaviours - regularly taking drugs, having sex with people she barely knew and generally entering into dangerous situations (e.g. Spencer in 1x08) with no regard for her safety or well-being. Also, at the end of season 1, she suffered the trauma of seeing Tony get hit by the bus, which we know hugely impacted her because she made reference to it in season 4.

As for Cook, although we never physically get to see his past in the same way we do with Effy, we know enough to know that his childhood was far from happy and that it deeply affected him. His mother was a neglectful and unstable alcoholic who was known for having sex with men for money and his father abandoned him when he was a young child (we also know he was a complete asshole from his appearance in the season 3 finale). He had an uncle, who was a bigoted drug dealer who not only supplied him with drugs but encouraged him to partake in it. Everything we know about Cook’s family suggests that he was neglected and it’s very likely that he raised himself for the most part, which explains why emotionally he was closed off, afraid to connect to others and incapable of maintaining healthy relationships (this was particularly clear with his friendships with Freddie and JJ).

So, to summarise, Cook and Effy are two people that both struggled (for different reasons) with emotionally connecting to people and that were terrified of opening themselves up to love because they didn’t want to get hurt. Their relationship for the majority of season 3 (up until 3x08) was a manifestation of that inability to forge connections and/or fear of it. It was a shallow relationship built almost exclusively on sex, and although some may perceive it as unhealthy, it wasn’t. It was a mutual understanding between two people whose reasons for being together were the same - they were using each other.

For Effy, her sexual relationship with Cook was all about avoiding and repressing her feelings for Freddie. We know this because Effy said in 4x05 that she knew from the very first time she saw Freddie he was the closest she would ever get to being close and in 3x07 Cook revealed whilst under the influence of “truth” pills that Effy was having sex with him because she couldn’t stand the fact that she loved Freddie.

With Cook, his reasons for entering into a sexual relationship with Effy were simply because he was attracted to her (which we know from the first moment he saw her) and that was what Cook did and was used to doing - he had casual sex with lots of girls. Cook’s perception of sex was a clear indicator of the complex emotional issues he had. His obsession with having sex was a result of him desperate craving intimacy whilst simultaneously being afraid of it. He had sex to attempt to have that intimacy with another person, but then labelled it as casual and meaningless to invalidate that intimacy and close himself off to it.

When looking at it like this, it might seem ridiculous that I then claim that their relationship wasn’t damaging, because it certainly wasn’t what constitutes a healthy relationship, but by the same token, it wasn’t bad either. From the first time they had sex, there was a mutual understanding between Cook and Effy that their relationship was just no-strings attached sex. There was no manipulation or coercion, it was all consensual and mutual. As their relationship continued, it became complicated because feelings got involved and both of them were hurt by each other, but it was the kind of hurt all relationships experience and nothing particularly awful. In season 3, Effy was hurt when she found out Cook was sleeping with Pandora but she knew that she and Cook weren’t exclusive and that they could both sleep with whoever they wanted. Effy’s reaction to that was much more about Pandora’s betrayal, as her best friend, than Cook’s. And Cook was hurt continuously by Effy’s feelings for Freddie and her relationship with him. Besides that, there was nothing that happened between Cook and Effy that constitutes damaging. In fact, I’d argue that Effy’s relationship with Freddie was much more damaging to her than her relationship with Cook was. What I’m trying to say is that Cook and Effy’s relationship was exactly what a friends-with-benefits or casual-sex-buddy relationship looks like, and therefore not dysfunctional. Even when their relationship developed beyond the casual type due to Cook falling in love with Effy, it was still what any non-reciprocated relationship is. Cook was heartbroken, he attempted to express his love for her on occasions and she made it clear that she didn’t return his feelings in a respectful but firm way (excluding 4x07 when she rudely told him to piss off after he told her he loved her, which always really bugged me because it felt so OOC).

Regarding your comment about Cook and Effy not being a great fit, I’ve actually always felt the opposite. Although they’re very similar (x) and the popular saying is that opposites attract, I think Cook and Effy worked together really well. I don’t think we got to see just how well they could’ve worked, because they were never truly together and most of their relationship was about the triangle with Freddie/Effy. Effy said in 4x07 that Cook was never good for her, but I never understood that because there’s absolutely nothing to support that claim. If you look close enough, you can see how good they were together. The two of them actually spent a lot of time together, although we never see it on-screen, it’s spoken about or hinted at. For example, in 3x08 Cook turned up at Effy’s house and was on a first name basis with her mom and had brought groceries to cook for her, suggesting he spent a lot of time at her house (and not always in her bedroom since he knows her mom) and also that they did do other things other than just have sex. Cook also knew that Effy’s favourite film was E.T. which means they either watched it together or Effy told him. At the end of season 3 they spent a significant amount of time (we can assume weeks, maybe even months) on the run together, only in the company of each other. My point is, they clearly got on well and knew each other too. Whenever Cook and Effy had scenes that weren’t the melodramatic angsty type that Skins is well known for, they were light and natural together (x). Throughout the whole of the season 3 finale (which is a very Ceffy centric episode), they worked. If you take the Freddie/love triangle drama out of the equation, they were affectionate towards each other, they had fun, Effy was supportive and protective over Cook when it came to his dad and Cook was making plans for his future with Effy (to get a job and a boat). Putting aside their individual issues (which I mentioned above), when Cook and Effy were together they were good together. Even if they were just having sex, that was okay, because it was what they both wanted. They knew how to have fun and be in a moment together, and that was what drew them together from the beginning, because they could lose themselves in a moment and forget about everything else. Also, for all their similarities, Cook didn’t have the same depressive tendencies as Effy and was able to keep her on an even keel more so than anybody else (this is particularly obvious in comparison to Freddie, who I felt fed Effy’s depression). That’s why I find it so strange that there’s this perception that Cook was wrong or bad for her, because firstly, Cook never actually did anything to warrant him being “bad” for her. He drank too much, did drugs too much, partied too much but so did Effy, so did Freddie, so did every character on the show (excluding JJ). Cook never did anything to push Effy to a dark place, he never did anything to hurt her or harm her in anyway. Everything they did together was what Effy was doing before she met Cook and what she did with everybody else. In fact, I sincerely believe that Cook was capable of helping Effy and reaching her emotionally more than anybody else. In 4x07 when Effy was in a fragile mental state, she trusted Cook (despite not knowing him because of some hypnosis bullshit her psychopathic therapist did to her) and later in on the episode Cook was the one that brought her back.

As for Cook and Effy ending up together, I believe 100% that they should’ve been together, even if they hadn’t stayed together. If I had been in charge of the show, I would’ve completely scrapped the Freddie/Effy relationship and pursued a Cook/Effy romance from the beginning. From my perspective, it made complete sense that these two damaged people that were unable to emotionally connect would strike up a causal sexual relationship and eventually come to fall in love. Obviously, it wouldn’t have been a straightforward road for them or a particularly happy relationship, but it would’ve been very interesting to watch their ups and downs. Cook loved Effy completely, she was the first and only girl he had ever loved, and that was significant for his character and to have her return that love would’ve led to development for both of them. Skins as a show is all about young love and it’s realistic in its portrayal of that. All of the Skins relationships have their problems and none of them last (because the reality is a lot of young relationships don’t last as their lives go in different directions), so I couldn’t see Cook and Effy’s relationship lasting and them staying together, even if they had been together in seasons 3 and 4. Season 7, however, is a completely different story.

I’m a huge Skins fan and have been since I was a young teenager, but I strongly dislike season 7 and the choices that were made. In my opinion, to bring Effy and Cook back for the final season and not have them interact was criminal. Regardless of Effy’s romantic relationship with Freddie, Effy and Cook were strongly connected and fans would have loved to have seen them reunite. Since you didn’t watch season 7, you won’t be aware of how Cook and Effy developed, so I’ll briefly summarise. In season 7, Cook and Effy had both hugely mellowed in comparison to how they were in seasons 3 and 4, whilst keeping their core personalities. In season 7, Cook and Effy as a couple would’ve just worked. It was a chance to explore their unfulfilled potential and finally make the most of Kaya and Jack’s chemistry whilst remaining respectful to the Freddie/Effy relationship. If I could’ve written season 7 I would have had Cook be on the run (like he was in Rise) and Effy pursuing him because she’s seeking answers about Freddie’s disappearance. I would’ve had the two reunite and have Cook fall to pieces, because it’s Effy - the only girl he’s ever loved - and she brings to the surface everything he’s been keeping bottled up. But I would have him suppress those emotions and react angrily to her having found him, telling her she was stupid for looking for him and that she should’ve let it go. I’d have Effy respond angrily telling him that she couldn’t let it go and that since he and Freddie have gone everything’s gone to shit. Eventually, Cook would tell her the truth about what happened with Freddie and the therapist, and then in their grief-stricken and heightened emotional state they sleep together. Afterwards, Effy is conflicted because on the one hand she’s still grieving for Freddie but on the other, her feelings for Cook are resurfacing and the fact that Cook loves Freddie and is grieving him too means that they’re connected in a unique way. I would then have Cook get angry at Effy (again, because let’s face it, this is Cook lol), tell her to leave and go back to her life and forget about him like she should’ve done the first time, that he deserves to be punished and on the run for the rest of his life for what he did. Then Effy defends his actions saying Freddie’s death was her fault, she was the one that brought the doctor into their life and when Cook killed him he was only defending himself. I would’ve had Effy choose to stay with Cook and live with him on the run because she feels she has nothing at home to go back for. At that point, they wouldn’t be together, but the implication would clearly be there. It wouldn’t be a happy ending and it would be open ended, but I think it would’ve worked perfectly. Not only would it have provided the fans (and Cook and Effy) with closure for Freddie’s death, but would’ve explored that potential of Cook and Effy and ended on a semi-positive note.

One final thing I wanted to talk about, is that despite the fact that I think Cook and Effy were a good fit and definitely weren’t dysfunctional, shipping Cook and Effy isn’t about happy endings or them being ‘good’ for each other or even ending up together. The appeal of the ship (for me, at least) is the messiness and realness of it. When two people have such complex and unresolved issues as Cook and Effy, it’s impossible to be in a healthy, happy, functioning relationship, because they’re not those things themselves. However, Cook and Effy show what love can be when it’s not neat or simple or easily defined. They also show that you can love another person with your whole heart despite feeling broken inside. Plus, Cook and Effy had such a palpable chemistry, history and connection that it’s difficult for me not to ship them and root for them to be together, even if only temporarily.

[cloudybookash-blog]

25-50

Soooo… I take forever to do these things, sooooorrryyyy!

26. What would your character say their best trait would be?

Idk, probs that she’ s nice or something? I literally have never thought about how my characters feel about themselves??? 

Great start!

27. What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational?

That she ends up accidentally, or even intentionally, like her father in her attempt to over throw his rule. I’d say she’s terrified to become a hypocrite, all these years facing against her family and the way the rule/conduct themselves to end up doing or being exactly like them would be nightmare inducing for her.

28. What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party?

She killed the other party… In all fairness, it was an accident.

But for real, before meeting her current Crew™ her biggest fear was leading her Old Party and being shunned by the very peoples with who she was coming to aid/save. Of course, she stays with them because at the end of the day she loves them and enjoys their company but there are obviously a lot of other reasons to stay: she doesn’t know the land (her Old Party were going to teach her when they reached ‘safety’), she doesn’t have any ties on the new planet apart from a single group of rebels from her home world who aren’t the easiest on the eyes, she hardly speaks the language or understands the customs/culture of this new planet, and probably even more that I haven’t thought about. Bottom line is that she needs them.

On a happy note, they need her too.

29. What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class?

I’m translating these q’s for a book and I don’t know enough about dnd (or my fucking characters for that matter) to answer.

30. What would most people think when they first see your character?

Tall. Like, freakishly tall.

31. What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?)

Well, she’s technically the leader I guess. It’s kind of her quest they’re all on but at the same time the others tend to take her place leading the sub groups while she figures out a plan. I guess she might be The Man in The Chair or Behind the Curtain.

32. What is your character the most insecure about?

Maybe her intelligence, like not being the smartest person in the room. She’s known (even on the new planet) for being super strong and a great fighter, but she detests that viewpoint because it makes it difficult for people (and herself) to differentiate between the ‘bad guys’ in her family and the ones who’ve been fighting the Good Fight, like her.

33. What person does your character admire most?

I think I’ve answered this before and it had something to do with liking people who could be strong and caring at the same  time. Or something sappy like that.

34. What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left?

Translating for a book her so I’ll answer about how my character feels about the other four members of the main cast:

J: PRO: very understanding, never have to explain or defend herself to him - he always gets it. CON: not who she thought he would be.ME: PRO: loyal, despite having their little spats, at the end of the day ME would die for her. CON: not very understanding.HH: PRO: funny, can relax the whole mood at a moments notice. CON: reckless, is usually the only reason they get into trouble.M: PRO: is the closest to her in age and as a result is like her best friend, there’s almost nothing she hates about M. CON: I literally can’t think of one Z could have against M.

35. Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)?

Not applicable.

36. What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music?

Something folky? 

37.  What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.)

A toss up between the Loner or the Class President.

38. What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them?

She doesn’t/can’t really collect stuff, survival mode, y’know.

39.  Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find?

No? Her fight isn’t after something material.

40.  Where does your character feel the most at home?

I think I’ve tried answering this before and couldn’t answer, probably at her Uncle’s place though, because it has the best memories for her.

41. Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

I think yes, as she’s keeping her identity a secret. As a result I’d say she tends to distance herself out of fear of slipping up that she’s related to the enemy. Her entire plan rest on being supported by a lot of people and the idea that where she comes from could hurt her chances of success would be stressful.

42. What does your character think is the true meaning of life?

Broooo, this too deep for 10:41am.

43. What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.)

lol, B.O. probably, she’s a preteen running around in the woods.

44. Does your character think more with their heart or their brain?

Heart.

45. What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare?

I don’t wanna be cliché and say the murder of her older brother and mother, or her fear of failing overall but… I’m gonna be cliche and say those are the two things she probably has nightmares over. 

46. What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.)

There are a lot of little, influential groups that she comes across and some of them live up to her expectations and others don’t. Overall, she has the opinion that any group in a position of power needs to do more harm than good, and act as both protector and provider to their people. That’s regardless of whether they’re just a random clan that walk around together, or the ‘police-type unit’ in this world, or the political rulers, she doesn’t care how small your reach is, if you rule - you better do it well.

47. How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends?

Pretty sure I’ve answered this before? Um, just recap I guess - she was born second heir to the throne on her world, spent her childhood hanging out with her Guard, learning and training under royal tutors and trainers. Fucked up along the way and got her ass banished, was sad, lived with her uncle who subsequently became her teacher for everything, and spent quality time with her brother as a result, she was then welcomed back out of banishment for a short period of time before she ‘defected’. And, technically, she’s still a child, so the contents of the book are her ‘growing up’ so to speak.

48. What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

Whether they’ll die before they achieve their goals. Morbid I know, but this is war.

49. What colors are associated with your character?

Blue, Black, Purple and White.

50. Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances?

Probably M or HH, both J and ME prove themselves to be able to get out of any situation on their own but sometimes HH can get overwhelmed or distracted and then can’t save himself and M has yet to prove herself as capable enough to handle anything that comes her way.

[theshimmeringisles]

You do not have permission to use this piece(s) or design(s) in any way, shape or form. That means: tracing, roleplaying, reposting, redistributing, etc.

MOD: So I got a job interview (and I’m feeling VERY good about it) and feeling super energized and generous, SO I figured I’d reveal something to y’all that has been on the back burner for this blog, and will remain there permanently...

Meet Majidah. Majidah is Djinn as most of you remember her. Her full name is “Sahar Alkhalq” which means “The Magic of Creation” in Arabic, which she does not answer to. Majidah is the name she answers to, but only when used by her Master/Mistress. Majidah as she currently exists uses female pronouns, but has no true gender/genetalia, and if she had a will/personality of her own would use any pronouns. For the purpose of their story and how it relates to Kurosia, I’ll be using she/her pronouns.

Majidah is (and always has been) a dimensional traveling entity of no known or perceivable origin; she’s just always existed, since the dawn of time. Before she was as many know her now, before she was a tool used to grant the whims of those who were worthy enough to use her, she was a bright, passionate and empathetic creature, and the embodiment of passion and creation. She existed with countless others of her kind in a sort of strange dimension where they could speak telepathically, but could never see or touch one another. Out of all of them, she hated this the most; why should they not live together, truly, instead of being points of light or aura in one another’s mind?

So she broke the rules. The first one she came to was an embodiment of ruin and death, and the two felt a connection unlike any other of their kind. This bond exists to this day, and will for any further iterations of Majidah and her bond mate, though this bond shattered the fabric of reality for their entire species for all eternity. Majidah was punished by her bond’s predecessor, stripped of all free will and the ability to create on her own; but as they dealt out this punishment, Majidah’s bond mate’s fury at simply wanting to live was so great that it created a void. A void into which all of her people were dragged into, save the embodiment of death and their predecessor, lost forever until Majidah could reverse what had been done to her, and the aftershocks that scarred the mortal dimensions for all time.

So she was cast out to these realms, with her bond forever chasing her, and their torturer chasing them, in an endless cycle of seeking out the group of mortals that her bond’s fury had scarred the most. Her form proved to be too much for mortal eyes to behold, so with the last vestiges of free will that clung to her psyche, she housed the bulk of it in a silver oil lamp, and bound herself to it until she could undo what had been done....

TRIVIA:

This lore/story has actually been the backdrop for Djinn’s entire character since her creation as a Skylanders OC! It’s inspired in part by the lore of Star Wars, specifically Anakin’s and the idea that love could ruin an entire sect of otherwise peaceful and highly intelligent/powerful beings.

Majidah’s current form in the Kurosia verse doesn’t reflect any of her other forms; I tried to do something that didn’t look a lot like Koof, or any other form I’ve really given her. She’s still ‘a dragon’ here, but mostly because through all the dimensions she’s been in, Majidah’s definition and the definitions of her other Masters/Mistresses have differed and changed greatly.

The lamp is actually Majidah’s head; her form pours out of the lamp itself and becomes ‘solid.’ She doesn’t actually have a solid form, but projects an illusion into the minds of mortals when they touch her that they are touching something. Even the lamp isn’t real anymore, just a projection of her essence.

Her flames don’t roar or make noise like normal fire does, and doesn’t move like normal fire does. It’s difficult to explain because only her Masters/Mistresses have ever seen it, and have called it ‘haunting and hypnotic.’

When she moves, it’s very unnatural and slow, or erratic and too fast for the physical eye to follow. Those who keep her claim it’s graceful when you get used to it, but still terrifying when her true form is let loose into battle.

Majidah, in this form, can only speak telepathically. Her voice has the same flanged effect that Turian voices do. In her disguises in the Kurosia verse, there’s still SOME flanging going on, but it’s barely noticeable. She also speaks in half truths, riddles, and often circles around certain points. It takes forever for a Master/Mistress to fully understand her mannerisms, though she understands everything about them the moment that they are deemed worthy of her. Both past, present, and future.

Majidah doesn’t have a true form, in any of the universes she exists in. I guess you could say the lamp is, but the truth of it is that I’ve intended for Majidah’s real form to be unable for even ME to comprehend.

Hope you folks enjoy! I wouldn’t call this spoilers since I kind of alluded to a bunch of this in the last blog, and Majidah isn’t a main character in any aspect in this blog or in any future projects me and Weird will be doing. She’ll do some important stuff that I haven’t (and won’t) reveal because Important Plot Shit™, but I hope y’all enjoy this one and only post addressing Majidah!

Art and Majidah (c) to me Kurosia (c) to @weirdhyenas and collaborated with me