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clonecaptains · 4 years

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PAPERCLIPS | a Javi Peña x reader fic

rating: T for dramatic elements; will change to M in future parts

summary: You think your crush on Javi goes unnoticed - until Steve and Connie take matters into their own hands.

a/n: ive had this story idea in my head for months and im so glad it’s finally out of my head and actually WRITTEN!! there will be a part two for sure, and others if i feel inspired!!

Paperclips

Being Javier Peña’s neighbor isn’t the worst thing to happen to you. Being a secretary at the DEA office is. Seeing Agent Javier Fucking Peña every day of the week is slowing killing you. His cute little ass in those tight ass jeans. He knows what he’s doing, and you hate him for it. The suits are just as bad. Displaying his broad shoulders, showing off his sharp jaw. You want nothing more than to yank him to your level by one of his ties and kiss him harshly. Yeah. You hate him.

But you won’t do anything about this hopeless crush. You haven’t done anything for weeks.

Your desk sits up higher, you look down at the boys from your perch. Javi’s desk faces away from you, which allows you to stare at the back of his head (and ass) all day. Every once and a while you get lucky and see his face when he leaves his desk to go out in the field, or when he comes into work in the mornings. He’ll turn and offer a nod or a simple wave good morning.

You are friendly acquaintances. You’ve spoken on occasion at the dreaded office parties. The only reason you ever have gone to those are the free food and the small chance to see him.

Your staring at the back of his head is the most you do lately, your crush too strong to get up the nerve to ask him for coffee. Luckily, he can’t see you pine away for him.

But unbeknownst to you, there’s a watchful pair of eyes that have seen your longing gazes at the back of Javi’s head.

One Steve Murphy.

He’s seen every glance. Every flustered look cross your face. He doesn’t want to pry, not at first. But then he remembers how his buddies set him up with Connie. And hell, Javi could use someone nice like you in his life. Someone less dangerous to get involved with than communist informants.

Steve’s told Connie every detail, it’s much more entertaining to discuss then the heavy topic of death and drug lords. Connie’s only concern is the office romance drama, but she’s your friend. And she wants the same thing for you – Javi is a good man. And being neighbors with you, she’s also seen the looks you’ve given as Javi walks down the hallway.

They are planning more on how to get you with Javi than you are.

So far, your plan is hoping he’ll need a paperclip and will come ask you for one. And then suddenly ask you to coffee and then take you back to his place and-

Oh shit.

Javi’s wearing a blue shirt today, your favorite. And you might have let your eyes linger a little too long. And you’ve just made eye contact with Steve. He quirks a brow at you, and a small smirk appears on his lips. His piercing gaze just past Javi makes his partner curious, and the object of your affections turns his head in your direction.

When Javi’s eyes meet yours, you quickly avert your gaze. Trying to busy yourself with something important. Which consists mainly of organizing your already organized desk.

Javi is none the wiser, he shrugs and goes back to work. But Steve, he saw all that he needed to see.

You spend the rest of the day with your head down. You’ve had enough embarrassment for one day. It pains you that you’re missing out on the blue shirt though.

Normally after work you come up with some excuse to try and say hi and bye to Javi on his way out. He almost never goes straight to his apartment after office hours because he’s typically working out in streets. It’s your small chance to get some form of interaction with him.

Tonight though, you get out of there as soon as possible. It kills you to leave, you can hear Javi and Steve laughing at their desks. You want to turn around and see that smile you dream of.

So instead, you get out and head home.

You look forward to a quiet evening. You need a distraction. Something, anything to keep your mind off of him. Which only seems to make you think about him even more.

It’s getting later and the wine in your system has you feeling warm. There’s a warm buzzed feeling that spreads over your body and settles between your legs.

Maybe the wine wasn’t such a good idea. And you’re being ridiculous. So, Steve saw you looking at Javi. Is that a crime? Javi is handsome. Most women in the office notice him, even the married ones get a little smile on their face when he walks by.

It’s more than that. Having your crush discovered isn’t the end of the world.

Maybe you know that if Javi was interested he would have done something by now. Maybe you know that if Steve tells Javi about your crush that something will happen. Or that something won’t.

You want to get over this crush, but all you can think about is the arousal between your legs. You’ve seen him bring women home, but it’s been some time. That’s given you a false hope you think. Regardless, you know he’s a good lover. Thin walls.

You ache.

Those nights when he’s brought a woman home have been awful. You don’t listen on purpose, and more often than not you wish you couldn’t hear. Couldn’t hear women scream out his name, wishing it were you crying out his name into the dark.

On top of all that, you know that most times when he brings someone home, it’s been a bad day for him. He brings a prostitute home to ease his sorrows with the high of a release. You want to be there for him not just sexually, but emotionally. Living next to him isn’t the worst thing, but not being able to help him when you’ve seen the weight he carries is.

You’ll see him at work the next morning and try not to pretend you didn’t hear the headboard thwacking and how much you wish it were you.

Yeah. That wine wasn’t a good idea.

You’ve created a fantasy which you entertain, maybe it’s wrong but right now the wine is talking. Your fingers tease yourself and you’re close to the edge when you hear a rapid knock on the door.

Feeling flushed and disoriented, you quickly tug your pants back on and hurry to open your door.

You’re met with the sight of a woman, obviously drunk.

“Is Javi here?” she laughs twirling her hair with her fingers. You feel sick.

“You have the wrong apartment,” you tell her and point to Javi’s front door across the hall.

Disrupted by the noise, Javi’s door opens. His eyes widen in slight shock at seeing the two of you talking. He pushes his door open, and this other woman walks past him into his place. His eyes flick up to you in a silent apology and he closes the door behind him with a click.

The silence in the hallway is deafening. You stand in your doorway in disbelief. You can hear muffled voices across the hall, and you slam your door behind you in anger. You wince at the slam, then you sink down to the floor. Tears fall from your eyes, who were you kidding?

You get no sleep that night, and every sound that drifts over from his apartment to yours fills you with dread. You’ve heard nothing sexual in nature, but that doesn’t make you feel any better.

You don’t even want to go to work. You don’t want to see him. You’re mad at him, even though you’re actually mad at yourself.

Most of the day goes by before you really get a chance to see him. And for that you are grateful.

You smell his cologne before you see him, and his tall frame hovers by your desk. His voice comes out gentle and raspy.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he starts. A small part of you hopes he’ll apologize for what it looked like, apologize for hurting you. “I’m sorry she disrupted your night.”

Oh.

“Thanks,” is your weak reply. You can’t even bear to look up at him. Shit, he smells really good too. He almost never comes up to your desk. And now that he’s here, you just want him to go away.

“Javi, I-“ you manage to look up at him. And you don’t have a clue what you’re gonna say. His eyebrows raise as he’s ready to listen to what you have to say.

“Great!” You hear Steve’s voice cut through. “I’m glad I got you both together!” he claps his hand on Javi’s shoulder. “Connie and I are having a little get together tonight, and we want you both to come! Be there at 7!” he squeezes Javi’s shoulder and gives you a nod and leave before you can tell him no.

Javi shakes his head but gives you a soft smile. “Connie’s cooking isn’t that bad,” he jokes getting a laugh from you. Even though you curse yourself for laughing, you’re still mad. But when you see him smile at your laugh, you’re not….completely mad.

You spend the rest of the day and afternoon panicking about what to wear. Who else was going to be at this “get together”?

You can only assume it’s a casual thing, but still. Knowing Javi will be there has your insides churning.

You arrive early to help Connie, and to compose yourself. You’re helping her to set the table when Javi walks in. He gives a polite nod, and Steve is quick to greet him with a beer.

You flush, and Connie sees you actively trying to avoid any looks. She gives you a gentle nudge with her elbow, getting you to look up at her.

“It’s alright,” she whispers. “He’s into you.” She looks over at the boys in the small living area. Javi’s shrugged his jacket and is sitting with Steve, one of them laughs at a joke.

You nod your head ‘no.’

“He isn’t,” you tell her with a small shrug. “Is this all that’s coming?” you ask trying to change the subject. It dawns on you then that this is a setup, a double date. You start to panic.

“Hey,” Connie’s words are soft but firm, “it’s just dinner.”

She’s right, and you know she is. But you’re not sure if you can handle looking at him. All you can think about is the woman who came knocking on your door last night and him taking her in. What else would she have been there for other than to get a little taste of Javier Peña?

It’s hard to avoid those big brown eyes when he’s sitting directly across from you at the table. The conversation is light and humorous. But the way Javi is looking at you, it’s as if he knows something. Like he can read your mind.

“Dessert?” Connie’s cheery voice tears you from your thoughts.

“I’ll help,” you tell her. You need air, you feel like you’re suffocating under his glances.

“I’d say it’s going well!” she giggles once the two of you are out of earshot in the kitchen.

“How can you even tell?” you groan. “He’s not into me Connie.”

“I don’t know, he’s been making eyes at you across the table.”

“Connie,” you hiss. “He is not into me. He brought home some woman last night. Why the hell would he be into me?”

“How do you know-“

“I know. I know!” you hiss sharply trying to keep your voice down. “He brings those women home for a fuck, I know I’ve heard! And I will NEVER be one of those women.”

And not that you want to necessarily be one of them, that he fucks only – but-

“He doesn’t want me.”

“Who said that?” Javi’s voice has you turn in the little kitchen. You almost drop the plate in your hands. Connie and Steve exchange a look. Your eyes are fixed on Javi. You wish the earth would swallow you whole.

Embarrassed and upset, tears start to well up in your eyes.

“C’mon,” Javi offers you his hand. Your arms are crossed tight against your chest, but at the softness of his voice you relax and take his hand. He guides you out of the apartment, and you turn to Connie – she gives you a smile and a nod saying, “it’s ok.”

So, you follow Javi. He guides you down the hall to his apartment. He pats his pocket but doesn’t feel his keys.

“Shit,” he laughs, “they’re in my jacket pocket-“

“We can go in mine,” you reply pulling out your keys and open your apartment door.

You’re not entirely sure what is happening, but you open the door and he follows behind.

“I didn’t bring her home for sex,” Javi tells you the moment the door closes behind him. “She’s an informant, she only pretended to be drunk so no one would be suspicious. Her idea, not mine.”

“So, you know?” your voice hesitant.

“Know what?” he leans against your kitchen counter. Your arms have crossed against your chest again.

“Know how I feel?” your face heats up.

“Yeah,” he chuckles softly. “I could feel your eyes burning the back of my head, and my ass,” he says out of the corner of his mouth. He gives a gentle wink, his eyes bright and eyebrows lifted.

You bury your face in your hands, “was I that obvious?”

“Honestly, I thought you were checking out Steve at first,” he laughs. Your laugh joins his, and you feel more relaxed. “The only reason I never said anything was-“ he nibbles on his lower lip trying to think of what he wants to say. “I thought you wouldn’t want me.”

“What?” you gasp. “How could you think that?”

“My life is fucked up baby, why would you want in the mess?” He takes a step closer.

“All I wanted was to be there for you,” you admit, fiddling with the hem of your jacket.

“That’s all you wanted?” he takes another step closer. You can feel the heat of him. You look up at his face, he’s standing so close. His brow is raised. “That’s all you wanted?” he repeats in a whisper.

“Javi,” you whisper and melt into him as he closes the gap between you with his lips. His mustache tickles your upper lip in the way you hoped it would.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers against your lips and kisses the corner of your mouth.

“You don’t have to explain,” you cling to his shirt. You start to laugh and press your forehead against his solid warm chest.

“What’s so funny?” he laughs.

“This isn’t how I thought this would happen.”

“Oh?” he raises that eyebrow again.

“I thought-“

“What?” he kisses your forehead and cheeks.

“I just thought you’d come up to my desk and ask me for a paperclip or something and then ask me for coffee.”

“Baby, I will ask you for a fucking paperclip if that’s what you want.”

You snort out a laugh and he squeezes you tight. He kisses you again, and you feel dizzy.

“I don’t do this. Ever,” you flush.

“It’s ok,” he whispers kissing you again, “all I came over for was a paperclip.”

MASTERLIST

#javier peña #javier pena x reader #javier peña x reader #javi #narcos #my gifs #mine #my writing

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lollybliz · 4 years

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bout to make a Monster of a fic rec post here we go

heyo @jinx108! We’ll start with the complete ones because sometimes you’re just not in the mood to wait for the last chapter, you know? I don't remember details of all of these so i’m just going to copy the author’s summary rather than write my own. I am literally just going through my bookmarks, I got 400 of these to sort through. if ive talked to or am familiar with the author im gonna mention them, but if I mention you and you don't want me to have Please tell me and i’ll remove it.

If you’re not into spoilers Please Tread Carefully, I don't watch out for that stuff so I wont know to label it

1>Crushing Truth by Bunzuku: Tododeku. “Romance is hard enough for a teenager to understand when they have a good relationship role model. For Shoto, it takes two excited meddlers for him to even realize what his feelings really are.“

2>Disowned by b00mgh: tododeku + others. Unrated, some traumatic elements. “Shouto freaks out under a bridge and I use the word "grass" a lot more than I really should. Izuku does his stupid martyr thing and everyone makes continuous references to his propensity to break his bones. Aizawa goes "oh FUCK my kids are dying again" and his students use him as emotional (and physical) support. A friend requests angst, I say what kind, she say idk make someone get disowned and i say oh this I can absolutely provide my good buddy.”

3>cotton candy hands by @chonideno: Kiribaku. I will take Any excuse to rec this fic, its the most fluffy pile of feels Good Lord. also the first fic I ever bound into a physical book. “Studying to become a hero requires knowing how to take care of yourself. Sometimes you might need help on the way so if your crush offers to do your hair for you or to give you a well-deserved back rub, it'd be stupid to say no. A series of soft vignettes in which a love-struck Kirishima and a touch-starved Bakugou care for each other and it's definitely not making their hearts jump through hoops, they’re never this close to kissing, no, they're totally best friends bro“

4>Catching Sight of the Storm by neo7v: Kiribaku, tododeku. A considerable amount of Whump and related angst, and kinda sad tbh. “Blind. Quirkless. Useless.The first two things were stated clearly by the doctor that sat about five feet in front of Izuku. The third was a word that Kacchan called him everytime he failed to make the jump on whatever forest excursion they were on or when he ran into a tree because he hadn’t seen it. “I’m so, so sorry, Izuku.” Was his mom giving up on him already? But he could still be a hero if he tried hard enough, right? Quirkless or not. Blind or not. Just because Izuku was useless now didn’t mean he would stay that way forever, right? *** A Blind!Izuku AU”

5>Yell Heah by fakecharliebrown: Chatfic. M a n y pairings. technically complete, but part of an ongoing series. “Iida creates a group-chat for Class 1-A. It doesn't go as planned.“

6>Sunshine by Rosey_Note: BIG SAD. tw- failed suicide attempt. KiriKamiBaku. “They didn't deserve to put up with his crappy mood. Because Denki Kaminari did not feel like Sunshine right now. And they deserved sunshine. In fact, Denki didn't feel much of anything right now.“

7>Electric Connection by Onlymostydead: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk has always had... Weird side affects. Like his ADHD. And his constant energy. And his insomnia, which wouldn't leave him be right now, when he really needed to just get some sleep. But, thankfully, he has good friends.“

8>The Best (The Worst) by Onlymostydead: no romantic pairing. tw- rampant transphobia, both outside and internalized. “Bakugou Katsuki has known who he was since he was four years old. He was a boy, it was as simple as that. Around his friends, at school... But things couldn't just be that simple, could they?“

9>Lichtenberg Figures by Q_loves_you: no definite romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki has a very powerful force of nature running through his body. Kaminari Denki doesn't want to hurt anybody. He doesn't always get what he wants, and "anybody" does generally include himself.“

10>Eventuality by KikaTouka: ill be honest I don't remember this one at all, I maaaay not have read it yet :/. anyway. ShinKami. “Shinsou learns more than just hero lessons after being transferred to 1-A.“

11>Pickup Lines for the Soul by MustardSoup: ShinKami. “Denki is twelve when he is flicking through the TV channels and lands on an old RomCom movie about soulmate marks – specifically the same type that he has. “I can’t believe I’ve had to walk around with a cheap pickup line written on my ankle my entire life because of you!” The leading lady yells at the leading man as he stares at her in awe. Denki laughs. “Oh no.” His mother says, watching him. “Oh no, indeed.” His sister repeats quietly.“

12>caught in my own web by @anxioussailorsoldier: ShinKami. “Shinsou needs some help after getting caught up in his capture weapon. Kaminari enters from stage left.“

13>not so summer love by nataliya: ShinKami. “Class 2-B’s common room, although typically quiet, was currently filled with five students—three slowly giving up on homework, one bitching about noise and another that rushes through the front door. “We’ve been waiting for you—” Mina starts, but Kaminari’s vaulting over the back of the couch, eyes wide as he practically buzzes out of his skin, emitting light like crazy as currents dazzle across strands of hair. “I have a big ugly crush,” He steps off the couch and onto the coffee table, much to Bakugou’s chagrin, “On big ugly Shinsou.””

14>Blamed by coldandhotsoba: ShinKami. Tw- they fuckin kill a guy and its a lil nasty. “This was not how the day was supposed to end. They were supposed to end the day like they do most nights. Kaminari clutching onto him like a koala as he slept, wrapped in the millions of tacky blankets Kaminari had bought. Warm and safe in their bed. It was not supposed to end with both of them tied up in some cold metal room.“

15>Lightning Scars by Present-Mics-Scream (write_your_way_out): Shinkami. “It's hard to be confident in your abilities when you're surrounded by people with incredible quirks. Shinsou Hitoshi would know better than anyone. Sure, he was admitted to the hero course in his second year, but being admitted to the hero course, and keeping up with the rest of the class are two different things. Lucky for him, Kaminari is there to prove that the flashiest quirks come with the largest drawbacks.“

16>See No Evil, Hear No Evil by randomfan188: no romantic pairing. “Kaminari Denki is legally blind. When he forgets to wear his contacts and breaks down during math class, comfort appears in the strangest of ways.“

17>how not to enjoy the weather, an article by kaminari denki by dreamtowns: no defined romantic pairing. “If there was one thing Kaminari hated the most in a world wth villains, it would have to be thunderstorms.“

18>”Studying” by emmyrox22: ShinKami, EraserMic. “Shinsou and Kaminari have been “studying” together for a while (but not for school). Shinsou gets stopped by his dads on the way to another “study” session and mistakes are made“

19>Weaknesses by sunflowerstorm: ShinKami. “Kaminari's quirk and storms compliment each other in the worst way, but he's convinced he can deal with it on his own... until he really can't any longer. When Shinsou accidentally overhears Aizawa confronting Kaminari about recent changes in behaviour and hears about the hell his quirks been putting him through, he can't just pretend he never heard. He wants to help.“

20>it’s hurt denki hours by memeingfultrash: ShinKami + others. ““Certain members of our class are...under the impression that...you’re the traitor.” Denki’s body went cold and felt like he was going to short circuit. ~some of class 1a believes that denki is the traitor and avoid him”

21>Petition to replace Mineta with Shinsou- (signed by Kaminari Denki) by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami + others. This is one of my favorites, I go back to reread it from time to time. It SAYS 41/42, but that's just a glitch cus chapter 36 doesn't exist for some reason, I talked to the author about it and its fine. “Mineta brings shame to the color purple. You know who does not bring shame to the rich color, but pride and sexual tension to one infatuated Kaminari Denki instead? Shinsou Hitoshi, aka sexy zombie man, aka the most perfect hunk of a man to walk planet earth, aka future husband. Shinsou has finally gotten his chance to prove himself to the hero course, and he did more than prove himself. The only question left unanswered is whether he will start in A or B, and how Kaminari can manipulate the end result.“

22>How to Get a Boyfriend (in Four Easy Steps!) by e1ana: ShinKami, EraserMic, + others. “Step 1: Get kicked out of the house by your homophobic parents. Step 2: Run headfirst into your brooding, mysterious crush. Step 3: Sleep in his dad’s (see: your homeroom teacher) house Step 4: Watch everything you thought you knew go to shit. This isn’t exactly the sweet, romantic plan that Kaminari Denki longed for. Will everything be ok, or will step 5 be to crash and burn?“

23>Bakugou and Todoroki’s Foolproof 5-Step Plan to Fuck with Mineta Minoru by Anubis_2701: Kiribaku, TodoDeku, + others. This is another one of my favorites, and the one I am currently folding and sewing into a physical book. you learn how to do funny things when bored and quarantined ig. “It was a simple enough idea; screw around with the resident bastard of Class 1-A to let him know that his medieval ways and perverted behaviour weren't going to be tolerated by even the most career-focused of UA's students. To say that things had snowballed was an understatement. Todoroki had no idea how he had ended up sitting on Bakugou's floor at 1 am, holding a dossier of incriminating material that would make the FBI slobber, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. The long and short of it was, fuck Mineta.”

24>Colour Theory by chancellorxofxtrash: TodoBakuDeku. this one’s a series. “Midoriya/Bakugo/Todoroki slow burn soulmate AU. All three of them are nerds with their own emotional issues, trying to navigate their way through becoming heroes, and their own relationship with each other.“

25>Summer Sunshine by Mara97: TodoDeku. Ever want a Barbie in a mermaid tale/Bnha crossover? No? well here you go anyway! “Instead of worrying about college, Izuku spends his summer vacation finding out his father is, supposedly, a dead merman king and going on a quest to dethrone the current king, Endeavor. Along the way, Izuku becomes close to the three journeying with him, makes friends with strangers, starts crushing on an unattainable prince, and, in the end, learns to love himself. Oh, and he saves a kingdom, too.“

26>The snowflakes on our skin and the flames in our soul are one (and the same), my love by missunderstuffyou: TodoDeku, Kiribaku. this is one of the ones I keep a running reread comment going on. its at,,, 6, atm. “Before your quirk begins to present itself, the soulmate link comes through, and suddenly whatever you write upon your own skin appears on the body of your soulmate. As your soulmate writes to you, the emotions they feel follow through the ink.Izuku Midoriya is four years and a few months old when he first feels the slight ebbing in his arms. It doesn’t hurt… he can just feel something, and it’s enough to make him sprint into his mother’s arms screaming that his quirk is coming. She had been washing in the kitchen, and the sudden screech as her son rockets into her side is enough to make her jump with panic, immediately grabbing at him and looking for cuts and bumps before she understands his words and the stupidly bright, alight smile on his face with large, watery, hopeful eyes. Shoto Todoroki doesn’t feel his soulmate connection open up. It is drowned in the aches of a small body worked far too hard.“

27>It was dark inside the closet by Chad_Champion69420: Pre-ShinDeku? maybe? its tagged shindeku but like. it’ll make sense if you read it. “Midoriya is invited to a party. He and Shinsou decide to play a little trick on the rest of the party during Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

28>how to woo your local trash gremlin: a comprehensive guide by Todoroki shouto by wonhaebunny: TodoBaku. this is the fic that dragged me into todobaku, fun fact. “five times shouto tries to confess to bakugou, and one time he doesn't bother tryingaka: wikihow is a scam and bakugou is a terrible, terrible boy“

29>top ten photos taken right before disaster by Shookspeare: ShinDeku. “Izuku participates in a harmless prank, only to end up ruining it and running for dear life.“

30>Secrets to Share by pechebaie: no definite romantic pairing. “Kirishima comes out first, and nothing changes. Kirishima and Kaminari still hang out to complain about class and talk about boys - and sometimes girls, too, in Kaminari’s case; he still plans stupid pranks with Sero that get them sent to the principal’s or nurse’s office every time; Ashido still kicks his ass at Mario Kart without hesitation; and Bakugou doesn’t get angry at him any more than he usually does.“

31>What One Hides by Pinalinet: TodoDeku. “All Might gives class 1-A an unusual assignment that results in Midoriya Izuku and Todoroki Shouto attending a weekly acting class. But with a mysterious villain targeting individuals without Quirks, and a developing issue of Todoroki's own, an after-school assignment is the least of their worries.“

32>whether or not we’re fated, we’re meant to be by juurensha: KINDA SPOILERY. TodoDeku + others. “Todoroki didn’t have a soulmark for most of his life.His siblings all did, but up until the day of the U.A. entrance exam, he had shoved the idea aside. It’s not like they could help him anyway. And then a 9 appears on his chest, and a green-haired boy barrels into his life with a fire and ice soulmark on his arms, and suddenly Todoroki cares very much about all this could mean.”

33>The Midnight Shift by meiishu @meiishu @totallytodoroki (idk which you’d rather I attach so I went with both): ShinKami. ““Hey Toshi,” Denki says, and he laughs, clearly embarrassed. He’s got on a jean jacket that did him absolutely no help and a white tee shirt that is currently stuck to his torso. It’s got a pikachu design in the center. “By any chance, do you sell umbrellas?” “You really went out in this weather.” Hitoshi deadpans, instead of dignifying that with an answer. or hitoshi works the midnight shift at the gas station, which also doubles as a pokestop for pokemon go. of course, denki is a regular.”

34>Rock the House by AkabaneKayo: ShinKami. “It wasn’t just his bed. It was his entire fucking room shaking. Only one thought crossed his mind at that moment: “Holy shit. My room is haunted.”“

35>Technically, they’re morning kisses by CharaTheQuartz: ShinKami. “Most nights, Shinsou cannot fall sleep. Neither can Kaminari. It seems counterproductive to have a sleepover then, but they try to make it work. And they fail, but that is okay.“

36>someone to call mine by nearly_theyre: ShinKami, EraserMic “From: Me wish you were here, denks From: kitten 💛💘💛 what if i was tho? OR Four times Denki snuck into Hitoshi's room and one time he walked through the front door.“

37>Pretty by Onlymostydead (noticing some repeat authors? me too): no definite romantic pairing. “(Or, Kaminari still can't figure out bra clasps.) Kaminari has never really felt good about himself. Herself? Whichever way, not knowing doesn't make anything easier. Especially when he (she?) and Mina have their bodies swapped during training, and everything seems too right.“

38>If I offer you my hand, will you take it? by bleukitsune: Kiribaku. SPOILERY. ““Why?” Kirishima leaned back on his hands, trying to create some space between them. Too close. The ash-blond looked really nervous, his usually arrogant and cunning demeanor gone. “What do you see when you look at me? Kirishima is worried. Bakugou is hurting. After his confrontation with Midoriya, he finally reaches out to him. “

Theres way more but I haven't tagged them properly yet so that m a y come later if I can ever finish going through and adding my sorting tags.

and then a last few that Are Not Complete but im really very fond of them. not as many as id like to add, but my hands are getting tired tbh.

39>State of Mind by GuardianOfTheLoaf: no relationship YET but its looking like it’ll be either tododeku or shindeku, probably the former. EraserMic. tw- childhood neglect and severe depression. Izuku’s not a happy kid. “Izuku was a late bloomer, his quirk lying dormant until his tenth birthday when in a fit of emotion he grabs his mother and she disappears. With All Might slowly restoring his confidence Izuku begins the difficult journey into becoming a hero.“ 18/? chapters.

40>Izuku Eats His Problems by CosmicAce: ShinDeku. Izuku’s a flerkin, what more could you want? “His whole life, Izuku Midoriya was taught to keep his powers, his Quirk, hidden from the world. His kind were feared, hunted to near extinction because of it. He just wants to show people he’s different. That he can be a HERO. And nothing is going to stop him. Even if his Quirk IS like an eldritch abomination.“ 43/? chapters

and then probably my current favorite bnha fic- although it fights with Apertum Mortem for that spot but that ones d a r k and not here-

41>family of the year by periiwren: EraserMic. “Hitoshi is done. Done with moving around every few months to a couple that will scrutinize him and eventually dump him right back where he started. Good thing he’s well past his strike limit now- at least he can stay in one place, be content to age out of the system and finish out his training with Aizawa. Maybe transfer into the hero course, maybe be a hero- but none of that was guaranteed. The only thing for sure was that he was going to stay in that center for the rest of his childhood. Or so he thought- because Aizawa Shouta and Yamada Hizashi have other plans.“ 24/? chapters. we’ve been informed that this one’s gonne be l o n g and im Very Grateful.

42>Here There Be Dragons by here_and_there: pre-ShinDeku. “Izuku looked at the small circle Aizawa had motioned to in front of them. "I won't fit," he whispered, thinking. He raised his hand, tentatively. Sighing, Aizawa grumbled, "What?" "I-I have a question. Actually, two." His teacher just stared at him, unimpressed. Izuku continued. "Can we activate our quirks before we step into the ring?" Aizawa looked up into the sky, muttering something Izuku didn't hear. "If you must." "O-Okay. Uh, second question. You said we have to stay inside the circle, right?" "Yes." The man looked disappointed, not only in Izuku but in himself for letting the kid speak. "Great. Uh... does that include tails?"“ 6/? chapters.

43>Another Option by sandersonsister: TodoBakuDeku, Touya/Hawks, Dabi/Hawks. Potentially Spoilery, depends on whether horikoshi has the guts to confirm Touya. this one is waiting around the corner with a baseball bat, its really cute, and then r e a l l y painful. it might be getting better though. maybe. it might be getting worse. “When Touya stops his mother from hurting Shouto, he decides enough is enough. He needs to get out of this house and he's taking his baby brother with him.“ 33/? chapters.

That's it i’m done for now, oof. maybe ill edit more onto this post later, maybe i’ll just make another one. hope some of these work!

#fic rec #bnha #mha #tododeku #todobakudeku #kiribaku #shinkami #shindeku #erasermic #To Be Continued

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lieblxng · 3 years

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im developing a lot of aus including the reverse au which is currently only available for rose, but leon also has it developed, i just forgot to put it in the verses page for him haha but wow im developing a reverse verse for a chara i dont have??? i might as well throw damos on the blog and be the only person in the pkmn rpc who plays him LMAO i cant help falling for obscure characters but i think he might have a better chance in getting interactions than my etrian odyssey muses but no if anyone wants to do damos,,,,you can hmu 😳😳 i cant reply it or see it if you do tho LMAOO

anyway reverse!damos here who goes by lazarus (meaning: my god has aided me) is not a nice farmer unlike his normal verse, instead being akin to a mercenary, but he kinda fills in the role of marcus - he has the ability to manipulate the hearts of pokemon, even legendaries and because of this, he’s been fiddling with legendaries and experimenting with things to try something out - and while reverse!arceus has been severely weakened from an intense fight or a meteorite too (im still figuring it out) and lost its life plates, lazarus finds it. it’s on the brink of dying, and instead of returning the plates like a nice person, lazarus only thinks of profit and benefitting himself - because it’s so vulnerable, it manipulates reverse!phae into summoning the lake guardians, where it promptly fights them and steals their gems before kicking them into the dirt. then he uses said gems to restraint and fully take control of reverse!phae before inserting the plates back into it, saying it will only get them back if it corporates. yes, lazarus literally pulls a cyrus being the first one to actually create a draft of the red chains to have arceus under its command. one of cyrus’ pc posts is “According to myths, the Pokémon created Sinnoh with its power. However, capturing the Pokémon with a Poké Ball prevents it from using its full power... But with the Red Chain, the Pokémon can be shackled, and its power can be used without restraint...” and he’s implying arceus with the first mention of pokemon, so maybe the red chains can be used on god??? i dont see why not, although the lake guardian was made more to check the creation trio than god itself, but why wouldn’t you have checks against god? “The Pokémon of the lakes and Mt. Coronet are somehow connected. Capturing the Pokémon of the lakes will free the Pokémon of Mt. Coronet. From the Pokémon of the lakes, crystals can be extracted to create a Red Chain.” i know he implies the creation trio with pkmn of mt. coronet but technically arceus lives in mt. coronet as the hall of origins can be summoned there LEMME HAVE THIS -

originally i was going to have reverse!arceus be a completely neutral god, both in personality and how it handled things - just create life, casually, and just head out and do nothing for them - “the humans can handle their planet however they wish to. if they destroy it, they destroy it.” and i was trying to redesign it and it kept coming up as punk (more below because this is a long ass post)

so i was like, aight i guess i’ll go with what my heart wants but something still didnt feel right, because punk is an expression more than just a simple fashion statement - it was created to rebel against those who tried to hold you down and mold you into who they wanted you to be. to defy the shitty standards of what’s supposedly normal. and then it all clicked when i looked at this vid

youtube

ive heard the music itself and one of my favs, but not the music video so i kinda just exploded with ideas and it really completed the punk i wanted to go with - funny thing, im a bad character designer so i scrapped the punk look and pulled a unique thing with phae’s case - legendaries and mythics are statements of unchanging, fixated ways while normal, evolvable pokemon are statements of improvement and change - growth, which is something phae is completely jealous of. gods don’t evolve; they don’t change. so i thought, why not keep its original look (i love it too much anyway and i cant think of anything better tbh for phae) to reflect that aspect but have the way it governs and behaves different? normal!phae and reverse!phae are still similar but opposite - normal being the kind, caring god and reverse being the relentless, uncaring god. both are the two most popular aspects and themes of gods and how they treat those beneath them, so i thought it worked.

reverse!phae never wanted to be a god. it’s immature and uncaring on purpose to get the attention of the creator of the original one itself; to be a sign of rebel, to show that it was its own character and no one can morph it into what they want it to be. it revels in its creations screaming in pain, as nothing else entertains it so and because it empathizes with them. it sends the world into pure chaos a majority of time so no one enjoys living. seeing its creations, both human and pokemon, excel in the trials and tribulations of this hell; seeing them perform so expertly under extreme stress, how humans and pokemon can come together and defeat anythin - and rebelling in their own right and way give reverse!phae so much hope and relief. that it’ll be able to do the same. and once reverse!phae does get its creators attention, you bet it’s gonna be very angry on why it exists. it might even try to murk its creator. it’s more of a “i didn’t ask to be born so i’m gonna make it your problem” type of person, and a god prone to violence - often fighting with its own creations, like even the lake trio and the creation trio. but it checks them all every time, and it’s so hungry for an actual fight that reverse!phae can actually work for and struggle for and feel like it actually won. and that’s when lazarus comes in. that’s where lazarus comes in.

how much it hates lazarus. how much it hates lazarus. it hates everyone, but lazarus has a special kind of hatred reserved just for him. in fact, hatred isn’t the proper word to explain the intense, raw, unfiltered feelings reverse!phae has for him. on one hand, it absolutely respects the honest work he puts in to further himself, but on the other hand, being the one on the receiving end of his malicious intentions is never ideal. it has no interest in whatever petty crimes he wants to commit, but trying to take god and become it yourself? completely admirable. a fantastic way to rebel, but having to have someone chain you down and control you? reverse!phae’s worst nightmare. i’ll get into that later since this is already long enough god help me

is reverse!phae messed up? yes, severely. that’s kinda what happens when you rot alone in the depths of dark space for eons. no human nor pokemon - no, no living being can ever handle that. both normal! and reverse!phae have the same backstory, but different reactions to it. reverse!phae wants everyone to scream and lash out, it wants everyone to rebel against their origins and become their own people, even with the immense baggage on their shoulders. it wants everyone to risk death to accomplish their dreams. it laughs in everyone's faces before spitting in them. i think reverse!phae will be one of my most violent takes on a muse, if not, my most since it is god and the shit it talks can easily be proven right. it constantly berates and breaks people down into pieces. no one understands it. it hates everyone and everything it sees. it doesn’t need love and kindness, it just needs a body to break. which is untrue, because obviously its yearning for love and kindness - something its never experienced - and it’s lashing out for attention. secretly hoping someone will just hug it and all its problems away. that everything will be okay in the grand scheme of things. that it won’t have to have the unlimited stress of being a god anymore.

usually when i put my touch on muses, canon or not, they’re primarily good people with hearts of gold. even with ones less so, they’re not as intense as this. so working with that kind of character is thrilling and i’m excited to see if i can get anyone interested with it lmao- reverse!phae’s name might be nou or chali, what would be better? sorry this was such a long post!! i’ve been working on this since last night and it’s been really fun to develop like this again - i only get this kind of productive with my hyperfixations, so they’re both a blessing and a curse - i think this is everything i have rn for the reverse au but ii’ll be going back into it

#//trimming because this is a long ass post #//talking about the reverse verse oh hee hoo #//ive made developments #//see now after the fluff we get the angst its the circle of life on this blog #'Cause we kick it like it's summertime. | Mun Art #There's no need to be so VIP. | Headcanons #Arceus (self) | I have many names~#big boy anxiety | OOC #Turning a cold shoulder. | Verses

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theworldwithoutmagic · 5 years

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Decompression - zutara ff

Just wrote this oneshot thursday so its CONTENT HOT OFF THE PRESS.

Im fresh off a rewatch of A:TLA and I finished Southern Raiders on wednesday with a Mighty Need to write a missing scene. I was so striken by Zutara feels that I had to bang out this one shot in a single day.

Here is 3000 words of shameless enemies-to-bedsharing-trope. Set in missing scene during Southern Raiders.

I really need feedback as iv never written zutara before and idk if I have their Voices down. concrit welcome as id like to improve before a longfic. PLEASE message or comment.

i also need blogs to follow..

So here we gooooo

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Katara and Zuko stop to rest and talk about what happened that day. They get a little closer than expected. Zuko wonders how he became so lucky.

Zuko looks up from Appa’s saddle at Katara, seemingly just as determined to get back quickly as she was on the way here. She is beautiful, he thinks to himself not the first time, even now leaving the scene of an almost murder. Her wrists were flicking occasionally, bending the water in the clouds around them to give them a modicum of safety from any eyes that might look to the skies. He knows she must be exhausted at this point. He saw see the circles under her eyes hours ago. Appa himself is starting to slow down and he knows this pace can’t last forever.

“Katara, we have been flying for hours and Appa needs to rest.” He didn’t mention Katara herself. He knew without asking that she would not appreciate any comments on her ability to keep going. He hoped she might stop and process some of what happened today instead of going full speed back to their training regimen. His uncle would have said so, at least. The day was a lot more intense than even he expected.

“What we need is to get back to Aang. The comet is approaching and this was a waste of time,” Katara said.

“We won’t make it back to Aang at all if Appa collapses and we land in the middle of a fire nation village. Look at him. His eyes are starting to droop.” It was true, the bison was not at full strength. Katara did not turn around but her shoulders dropped a bit. She wouldn’t want to hurt Appa.

“So, where do you have in mind we stop? This is the middle of the fire nation and you are pretty hard to miss,“ she said.

“We can make camp in one of the many caves in this region. Look how rocky it is down there. I know that is how your gang usually hides from the fire nation. I think I see a decent spot down there right now,” he pointed down to an outcropping of rock high on a hillside, protected on all 4 sides from direct view.

Katara remained silent. “If this is some kind of trick Zuko…”

He tamped down the biting response he wanted to give. “Katara, I would not have come here with you and helped you find a firenation ship and captain just to trap you in a random cave. Appa needs rest, that’s it. So do I. and you,” He said, the last bit under his breath.

“Fine.” She said, after looking him in the eyes and finding some answer she wanted. “But only until sunrise. We don’t have time for this.” She snaps the reigns and directs Appa back around towards the overhang. He is relieved she agreed.

When they land, Zuko inspects the cave. It’s not so much of a cave as it is a large overhanging rock. It’s not deep, but big enough to hide a bison in. Unfortunately, he deduces they won’t be able to have a fire tonight. The smoke and light might attract too much attention. They will have to eat from the dried stores and sleep in the dark. He knows Katara will agree with him about the fire. Katara…

He had no idea she was so strong. He keeps thinking back to the sea raven ship. He is pretty sure she bended a living person. Not supposed to be possible, but he guesses there is much he does not know about water bending.

Even now, her back is ramrod straight and she is standing in front of her bedroll a little lost looking now that they arent moving towards a goal. He promised to help her on this mission but he is the last person who knows how to help her with the aftermath. He isn’t sure what he expected from this trip.. things went very differently than he imagined. She needs to talk her brother or Aang or literally anyone other than him, he thinks. He considers that he might be a monster for even suggesting this murder mission as he leads Appa under the rocky overhang.

With the Bison in the “cave” with them, there is not a ton of room. He puts his bedroll by Katara’s where there is a little space and dry ground and pulls out the last jerky they have. Its stale and he thinks he can start to taste the beginnings of mold on his piece. They were preserved in a hurry and it’s been a little too long since the group resupplied. But its food and it’s all they have. He holds one out to Katara.

“Uh, you should eat something.” He tries, “It has been a long day. We have a lot of flying to do to get back to Aang.” Damnit, but it’s not just about the flying. He doesn’t know how to breech this subject.

“Of course we do, Zuko.” She whips around, “I am fine. I didn’t even want to stop.” She still takes the jerky and rips into it. She finally leans back against the wall of the cave, sitting on her bedroll. He watches her face and almost panics. Her eyes are shining with unshed tears and she is nowhere near sleep tonight. It races through his mind again that she faced her mother’s murderer today and is somehow still standing.

“Ok.” is all he says for a while. He has to say something else. What would uncle say? What would the Avatar say? He doesn’t know. He knows she might need more than he can give. In the end he says nothing and silently berates himself. He knows sleep will be a long time coming for both of them.

It starts to rain. He looks out of the wet, terrible cave into the storm. The rain is beautiful in a way. It runs in shining rivulets down the other pale rocks, the nearly full moon reflecting in the puddles, and he tries to imagine what it would be like to bend water instead of this horrible fire. He starts talking and hopes he’s not ruining things again.

“The rain is nice. I’ve always loved the sound. As a child I never hated the rain as much as the other fire benders in the palace. The rain restored the land. Brought life back to the burn scars in the garden from our training.” Then, as an afterthought, “The turtleducks loved it, too.” He thinks that’s what got her to speak.

“It never rained in the south pole. Always snow. I didn’t see the rain until I left with Aang. Standing in the rain for the first time and feeling the pull of each raindrop at the southern air temple is one of my favorite memories.” Katara said. She is staring into the growing tempest outside now too. “I always hoped I would get to see it. My mother used to tell me about the rain from her travels with dad.”

She is sitting against the wall very close to him. The thought crosses his mind that if he scooted over, he could reach out and touch her. He doesn’t think he should. Instead, he quietly, so quietly hes not sure she can hear it over the rain, asks, “Do you want to tell me about her?” He closes his eyes and waits for the anger.

“I would like that.” She whispers. “My mom was not a bender. Her father and both of her sisters were. She lost them all to the fire nation before I was born.” More pain and suffering at the hands of his people, he thinks to himself. “My mother was still powerful in her own way. I remember she helped our tribe remember how to create houses without water benders. There was a while we thought our tribe could not survive without benders to keep the ice at bay. How would we do anything without benders to make new ice houses? But she figured it out.”

Zuko realized all over again what cruelties the fire nation had forced on her people. Taking away the benders of a tribe completely reliant on it for survival. It was only through sheer force of will they were still here. He lets her continue.

“My mother was the best cook in the village. Sokka thinks my cooking is good, but I learned only a little for her before she die- before she was killed.” Tears leaked from her eyes now and her voice shook. “The worst part is Sokka is right. I barely remember her now.”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough, especially from me. I really hoped that by taking you to her killer I could help you. Help you get closure and a bit of payback. I see now that was a mistake and I’ve made it worse” He chokes out. The whole trip was a mistake. She would never trust him now either, being reminded of all the sins of the fire nation.

“It wasn’t a mistake. Zuko I thought that by coming here I could finally get revenge. Aang was right about that. I was not seeking justice or closure. If my mother’s killer had been that man on the ship, I think I would have killed him.”

The man she had.. bended. He knew she was not lying right now. “Katara, whatever you did to him, he.. he deserved it.”

“No, he didn’t.” She was still trying to hold back her tears and failing. “I bended his blood Zuko. A technique I swore I would never use. I was just so angry! He had the gall to stand there on the ship meant for raiding my people and claim he didn’t know what I was talking about. Probably just coming from another murderous raid against another town. There was water everywhere, we were on a ship! But I reached inside him and took something that should never be taken. I could do that right now to you, or anyone else.”

Zuko’s eyes widened. Blood bending. He hopes that man never realizes what exactly she did to him. The fire nation would not stop until every waterbender was extinct if they knew that was possible. He is in awe of the woman beside him. “Katara, I think you are amazing.” He blurts out, before he can even explain.

She barks out a half laugh, “What? Zuko you SAW it-”

“Yes, and that is the first time I have ever seen it. Iv chased you all over the world and seen you fight many times. All those times, you didn’t use that power. Do you know what the fire nation would be doing with that power if they had it? Marching people right into prison camps. Stopping a whole fleet of human hearts before the battle even starts.” He meets her eyes now, “But this blood bending you can do… you didn’t even hurt the man with it. If there is one place its justified to lose yourself, I’d say on your mother’s killer is one. The restraint you show in not using it against every one of your enemies, your enemies who have murdered your family for generations, is more than I have ever had. I would use any weapon at my disposal against Azula or my father if I thought it would give me an edge. You’re nothing but good and even more powerful and amazing than I thought.” He means it. and he hopes she can hear it in his voice.

She only cries more and he thinks he’s made things worse, his eyes close and his heart drops- then he feels her hand on his shoulder. “Is this ok? Zuko, I.. I don’t want to sit alone right now.” She looks exhausted in the weak light of the moon filtering through the storm as she leans into him. He almost forgets to answer.

“Yeah, this is fine, this is.. this is fine.” Zuko doesn’t know what to do. He has never been able to comfort anyone with his touch. He slides his arm around her shoulders because thats what it seems like she wants. She exhales shakily and turns further into him and his heart skips a beat. She is warm in the chilly air and clinging to him like she needs it to breath. She is almost in his lap and he has already never been this close with anyone.

“I’m not as strong as you think Zuko.” she whispers into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry for how angry I’ve been at you. I knew this whole time, ever since the South Pole, there has been good in you too. I just didn’t want to be wrong again, after the crystal caves so I lashed out. I was fighting my instincts to trust you. This journey just proves to me again that I was right from the beginning.” A pause, her tears coming harder. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess right now.”

“Il do whatever you need of me Katara.” He says quietly, instead of what he wants to say. I need this too. You are stronger than I think. Don’t ever leave this spot. He tightens his embrace and she does too.

They listen to the storm outside. Finally, Katara sobs openly against him. He rubs circles on her back and lets her cry. He doesnt press her to talk anymore. He breaths into her hair and can’t pinpoint what he has done to earn this trust, but he will do everything in his power to make sure she is never this upset again. If he has to personally kill every fire bender who has wronged her. Eventually her sobs clear and she relaxes, still not letting go of his shirt. They fall into steady silence, with only the sound of the rain outside, and he can only think of how wonderful it feels to be a comfort to another person instead of a source of pain.

It gets steadily chillier in the cave and he eventually releases her to reach for her blankets and pull them over her shoulders. He’s not going to push her off anytime soon, he will let himself freeze to death and not sleep a wink if she needs it. When he brings his arms back around, Katara still doesn’t speak and pulls them down from their sitting position leaning against the wall. His heart is about to beat out of his chest and he knows she can probably feel it. She pulled them so he’s lying down on his bedroll and placed her head on his chest like she means to sleep this way.

Zuko is absolutely frozen. One of her knees is resting on his thigh, her arms are around his torso, and she is so soft. He wants to curl around her. He wants to express something unnamed.

“Zuko, you home?” He can hear the smile in her voice. At least she is feeling better, his racing mind supplies. “I hope this is ok too. Please.”

He stiltedly brings his arms back around her now prone form. He lets one of his long legs tangle with hers. His shirt rides up and her fingers are quick to find a bit of his skin. He doesn’t know if this is right but it feels like it is. He sighs and tries to live in this moment forever before he speaks and ruins it.

“Katara, I just don’t want you to regret any of this tomorrow and realize that I’m the enemy again. I don’t know if I can take it if you hate me again tomorrow.” He admits. He pulls her even closer anyway. Every part of their bodies touching. Gods she feels so good against him. Like she was made to be there. Why has he never done this with anyone before? “And iv never…” He tries to pick the right words. “I’ve never been this vulnerable with anyone.”

“I promise you that I won’t hate you again. I’ve wanted to trust you for so long and truthfully, I already did. I wouldn’t have come with you if I didn’t.” Katara said, “This was not easy for you either. Offering to take me across the world where we planned to murder a man from your country in cold blood. I would have never known who killed my mother without you and no one else in my entire life would have come with me for this. Aang and Sokka never understood what I needed and they still don’t. I love them both but I knew you wouldn’t judge me no matter what I chose, even if I was rude to you this whole time.”

“I could never judge any choice you make.” He shivered and lowered his face to her hair. “I’ve admired you since I met you. Even when I sent pirates after you. I really hoped you would choose my side then. I’m glad you didn’t now.”

Katara seems embarrassed for a moment and squirms. He jerks slightly when a knee brushes an intimate part of him and he feels a slight grin from her against his shoulder. He has no idea if that was an accident but his head is spinning. She speaks, “I know fire nation royalty aren’t particularly touchy feely.” She runs a slender hand down his ribcage and he struggles not to let on how much the sensations are affecting him. “but my people are. and it has been what seems like a lifetime since anyone has just let me cry and comforted me like a human. Even when I was still at home.. our village lost so many of its softer customs to the demands of war.”

“The only people who have ever even hugged me in my entire life were my mother and my uncle, Katara.” He admits, embarrassed too. “I.. you.. this is nice.” he settles on. Nice doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Katara only hums. He feels her sigh contentedly and hopes she is done teasing him. Katara is pushed against every plane of his body and he thinks his heart might still fail from how lucky he is to have earned her trust despite everything between them. Her breaths slow until he is sure she is asleep. The rain still falls outside and he watches her and he watches the rain and just feels until finally the warmth and contentment begins to pull him toward sleep. His last thought is about how he hopes he will get the chance to do this again one day… tomorrow they have to go back to the Avatar and face their destinies.

#zutara #zutara ff #zutara fanfiction #atla #avatar #pls respond #im a decade late #is the fandom still alive

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roseamongroses · 5 years

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Antithesis (4): “these are a few of my favorite things”

Summary: For their Junior project, Roman is unceremoniously paired with Dmitri.

He’s hardly interacted with the guy, a strange occurrence since Virgil has had a weird/unexplained hate-hate relationship with him since middle-school. But it isn’t like he’s complaining. Dmitri’s cute, he compliments Roman, and damn can he paint.So Roman may or may not catch feelings, and he may not be wiling to uncatch them anytime soon.

–Dmitri returns the sentiment.

[General Warnings:] Misgendering, Past Misgendering, Past Bullying, Mild Sexual Content, implied emotional abuse, Cursing[Tags/mood:] highschool au, project troupe, fluff and angst but its all good, chat fic, teen stress, its flordia no snow we die like men[Pairing:] Roceit (Roman Sanders/ Deceit Sanders), hinted future/possible logince/roloceit/loceit [Characters] Roman Sanders/Deceit (Dmitri) Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Logan Sanders, Patton Sanders, Remy (Sleep) Sanders, Nate Sanders, Dragon Witch (Diana)

(1)(2)(3) (4) (5)

Rem: im sorry patton but no, absolutely not, unfriended, blocked, deleted

Patton: :( But I’m right tho

Rem: the day i accept that is the day i wilingingly give up my crop tops for a sensible polo shirts, cargo shorts, boat shoes, and white socks

Ro: patton hon is he being mean? do i need to get rid of him?

Rem: IVE KNOWN YOU LONGER, SINCE WE WERE BUT BABS , I SHOULD BE HIGHER ON THAT PRIORITY LIST BUCKO

Rem: plus you wont be all knight in shining armor once you find out patton thinks flordia is apart of the south (™)

Ro: …..

Ro: patton you’re blocked.

Patt: D:

V: sorry im never anti patton, you fake friend

V:I mean he’s not technically wrong?

V: the redneck culture does exist here, we have relatively similar dialects, similar weather

Patt: !!!!

Ro: patt the day i actually block you is the day the moon does like it does in umbrella academy, but v you’re on thin fucking ice

V: bitch i broke the ice years ago, you only unblocked me cause mom told you to

Rem: spOILERS

Ro: shhhh

Ro: and the GRACE PERIOD WAS OVER LAST YEAR YOU OLD MAN

Rem: I TAKE MY TIME OK

Ro: excuses excuses

V: so im assuming i won this arguement for patt right?

Ro: no. and like legit v that only applies to like,,,,parts of flordia,,,the northern part mainly but like only parts

Ro: flordia might be similar but like,,,,it's historically, culturally, geographically, and politically different then other states that are called southern states,,, t

Ro: just asked a southern boy bout it he said, “fuck no, it's a spanish colony,”

V:what about Texas huH

Ro: Texas was a whole ass country at one point, texas still acts like it’s a country, Texas is whatever Texas wants to be

V: I wish I could annex myself from this class work

Lo: God, mood.

---

“Oh, I could kiss you,” Roman said, as soon as Dmitri turned around to hand him the icecream cone. The stand was small, the old lady running it, giving them a cheerful goodbye.

When Dmitri said the museum wasn’t stuffy, it was quite literally outside. Seashell decorated pathways stretched and weaved through elaborate gardens.

Everywhere was a sight to behold, from the blossom of flowers dripping every color imaginable to trees that might as well have been sprawling giants, often dipping into the path way in a tangled, ivies creeping up it's weathered branches. In the midsts of it all, sculptures were effortlessly woven into the park, abstract student projects and places of memory creating almost a cohesive story amongst the beautiful chaos.

“Dee, when I said take me anywhere,” Roman licked his ice cream greedily, “I thought we’d go to like a starbucks- not a park more attractive than anyone I’ve ever seen.”

“So the way to your heart is food and pretty things?” Dmitri smiled.

“You bet your ass it is,” Roman said, leading them down a trail with less people, “My first crush was on this dude who gave me a seashell, I went home and told Momma and Mom I wanted marriage.”

Dmitri sipped his own water, “Do you still have it?”

“Of course, it was a gift, ” Roman hummed, “‘Bout cried when I got it,” He looked up to see Dmitri staring at him, “What? Do I have something on my face?”

Dmitri didn’t look away, “No, you just don’t have the right to be so fuckin’ adorable.” He said as if fact.

“How is me being a a hoarding goblin adorable?” Roman said, suddenly very conscious that he did not in fact want Dmitri to stop looking at him, but also very much aware that he might combust if Dmitri didn’t stop.

“Huh, are you embarrassed again?” Dmitri laughed, voice pleasant. “My aunt never keeps anything I gave her, it’s nice that you do...” He explained.

“Oh.”

—-

<3BestofMoms<3: Ro, do we need anything at the store?

R: v sent a list through notes this morning

<3BestofMoms<3: Okay, found it, thanks <3

R: np <3

<3BestofMoms<3: Are you going to be back for dinner or is that boy gunna be hogging you all day? I'm not quite sure he has earned the gift that is all day roman time

R:mommmm

<3BestofMoms<3: :)

---

As the sun stretched across the sky, the two had wandered into the more shadowed parts of the park. Roman’s initial giddiness slipping in a more lethargic satisfaction as he explored as much as he could, Dmitri’s eagerness to show him around and introduce him to the park’s employees hardly faltering.

Dmitri glanced at the time, “You ready to head back?”

Roman was crouched, admiring the tiny statues of walking fish, “No, I want to live here,” he said, “But why? Does she need you to do something?” He fumbled with the buttons of his shirt as he stood up, because dammit, clothes are hard and the sun is hot, okay?

“No, she thinks I’m studying for a class I told her I dropped, ” He said, “You just seem tired.”

“I am no--” Roman scrunched his nose, “The fuck, Dmitri, I am tired.” he narrowed his eyes, “How did you know that, I didn’t even know that.”

Dmtir made a show of looking Roman up and down, “I just knew,” He did not elaborate, and Roman made a sound that was vaguely alarmed in nature.

“V was right, you’re the worst, won’t even teach me your fancy magic tricks,” Roman grumbled, taking Dmitri's hand, and tucking himself under their arm.

“Somebody's grumpy, you sure you don’t want me to take you home?”

“I’m sure,” Roman, swayed a bit, “We don’t even need to stay here...”

He sighed, “I don’t know you seem pretty….”

“Dm-itri,” Roman murmured slow, with a half smile, and Dmitri’s mouth dried.

“Roman…”

“Please?”

“You’re practically falling over yourself,” Dmitri said, “You know we can always come back?”

Roman’s eyes perked up at that, “It's a date.” he said, and Dmitri couldn’t stop himself from flushing and looking away.

He liked that a bit too much.

!!!taglist!!!

@daflangstlairde

#Roman Sanders #Deceit Sanders #Sympathetic Deceit #Patton Sanders #Remy Sanders #Virgil Sanders Mentioned #Sanders Sides #sanders sides fanfiction #roceit #romantic roceit #cursing #crossposted #Antithesis

23 notes · View notes

weirdlizard26 · 5 years

Note

For the ask meme? All of them.

jay,,,

give me a sec to edit this post ok

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine

i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book

7. earbuds or headphones?

ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs

9. favorite smell in the summer?

pavement after rain and also. grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

sorry i couldnt choose!

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice

18. ideal weather?

when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice

19. sleeping position?

i just lie on my left side like a fool

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook!

21. obsession from childhood?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!

22. role model?

kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do

23. strange habits?

repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.

24. favorite crystal?

all of them!!!!!

25. first song you remember hearing?

my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go for a walk!

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

slep

28. five songs to describe you?

we are the people by empire of the sun

home by cavetown

strawberry blonde by mitski

smile like you mean it by the killers

afterlife by arcade fire

29. best way to bond with you?

wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes

30. places that you find sacred?

i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?

*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match

32. top five favorite vines?

road work ahead

a avocado!! thanks!!!!!

REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

i fell can you help me :(

that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles

33. most used phrase in your phone?

idk how to check that??? sowwy

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv

35. average time you fall asleep?

3am? 4am? idk for sure

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

t-trollface…

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on my mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals

41. last person you texted?

jay uwu

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

afabs cant have both huh

but i want both. please give me both.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies

44. favorite scent for soap?

aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

something really really long

47. favorite type of cheese?

there are different types????

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i hope im a pear

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

become a good person. thats all.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier

51. current stresses?

UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!

52. favorite font?

i like comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i dont have one!

55. favorite fairy tale?

gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;

56. favorite tradition?

on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

im torn between sports anime and slice of life

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly

from haikyuu

obviously

62. seven characters you relate to?

tsukishima kei from haikyuu

mae borowski from nitw

apollo justice from ace attorney

flame princess from adventure time

donatello from tmnt

sokka from atla

kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100

63. five songs that would play in your club?

mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds

64. favorite website from your childhood?

if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf

65. any permanent scars?

yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox

66. favorite flower(s)?

idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips

67. good luck charms?

dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,

70. left or right handed?

im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie

71. least favorite pattern?

i like traditional ukrainian ornaments

72. worst subject?

history :P

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

ice cream + fries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

if its green it can stay

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i dont have a license, so.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies!

82. pc or console?

i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!

83. writing or drawing?

please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts :O

84. barbie or polly pocket?

idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both

86. cookies or cupcakes?

my heart goes to cookies

87. your greatest fear?

finding out im faking any part of my identity

88. your greatest wish?

get through whatever’s going on right now

89. who would you put before everyone else?

mom

90. luckiest mistake?

when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally

91. boxes or bags?

boxes!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights……

93. nicknames?

never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name

94. favorite season?

spring ;w;

95. favorite app on your phone?

sudoku

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

my own and my mom’s

98. favorite historical era?

eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap

#wl26 #wl26 answers #flamingerrs #jay just so you know i love you a whole lot #i really did that huh #long post

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votometrash · 5 years

Text

Love Choice Review

Okay so I had no idea Masquerade Kiss would be Love Choice, but this title has managed to tempt me into reading it anyway. I can’t say I’m happy about it but there are a lot of things I have to say, since the whole Love Choice (LC) system has been controversial, or just incredibly detested/undesired, ever since its conception. And it does suck since I’ve been wanting Voltage to release more mature titles (and the whole female spy thing was just a plus, I guess). Voltage did a really good job of hyping up this release and I love/hate them for it lmao. But yeah here are my two cents on the LC feature. Sorry for the longass rant in advance. If you only care about my opinion regarding Masquerade Kiss and Kazuomi Shido’s route then you can check out my review later on my blog (if and when I get to it). But I still mention the title here and there in this review since it is the first LC main story that was released.

For most people who have been with Voltage for a long time, LC is probably one of the worst things on the planet, right after the Love 365 app debacle which caused many to lose their stories if they weren’t aware of the transfer dates or not able to transfer their data (technically they’re losing the right/license to access those stories, cause they don’t own them) and all the other customer service horror stories you can think of. Generally, for people who think that converting coins into hearts and not being able to read the story however they want are terrible ideas, they will outright avoid LC titles/stories. Since LC is F2P, it isn’t much different from the other otome/visual novels that have premium options where people have the option to spend money.

But let’s just think about it for a moment.

The appeal of LC is that you can read the stories completely free of charge. Yes, there is a countdown timer which prevents you from reading the next episode immediately and you would have to spend hearts to bypass that. But let’s keep in mind that Voltage Entertainment USA (aka the subsidiary which creates apps catered towards Western audiences) is also doing something similar with the ticket system. Plus they don’t even give you the option to buy routes anymore, which is why we should be thankful that Voltage Inc hasn’t done that with their Japanese apps yet. I just want to make the best of what we are given (and hopefully try to get a little enjoyment out of it), even if LC is terribly implemented.

So just hear me out for a second. A very long second.

If you’re not one of those people who need every single CG and ending AND don’t mind the wait, this post is mainly for you.

PLEASE JUST READ THE DAMN STORY. LIKE READ MASQUERADE KISS RIGHT NOW WHILE THERE IS NO WAIT TIME (until 2/17). It costs you nothing and you will still get a pretty complete experience. Don’t be stupid and believe that you’re missing out if you don’t get the CG’s. Go look the CG’s up online or something if you have to because I’m sure someone has posted them regardless of whether it’s allowed or not. It has a decent plot that doesn’t make me want to ram my head into a wall from secondhand embarrassment. Sure there are aspects of it that weren’t written well (will be explained in my review later) but it’s still a good story and I don’t regret reading it. It would be a shame to miss out just because you’re too busy hating on the system. If you don’t want to spend your free hearts (or don’t have enough) on CG’s that cost you 20-30 hearts and options that require hearts, just use it towards reading the next couple episodes (for when they go back to subjecting you to wait times). At least you still won’t be using as many hearts. Yeah the CG’s and love choices are hella expensive and they shouldn’t be. It might even feel like you’re being punished for not choosing those choices because in the end you won’t be getting the happy ending. But they’re not NECESSARY. However, if you still want the CG’s/happy endings, just reread it again later when you get enough hearts. I don’t know, that’s not a priority for me so I can wait on unlocking those CG’s.

From Episode 1 up to the second to last episode, you’re getting the same. exact. content. Let me repeat that. YOU GET THE SAME EXACT CONTENT. The only thing is that you won’t get all of the CG’s or the super happy ending, which are what people are really paying for. Is it really worth it??? Voltage apps don’t have bad endings. They’re either the romantic/passionate alternate endings or it’s happy(or normal)/super happy endings. No endings where it’s game over, you’re dead or oops you screwed up this entire thing. You’re essentially getting the same ending, just a slightly different view of the events. Just more vanilla, if you don’t get the “better” ending. Slightly fewer lines of text, less description. Big whoop. That and well, you don’t get the CG. Too bad. No personal bragging rights for me to put on my metaphorical trophy pedestal. For me, reading the visual novel is the main goal. The art and CG’s are just a plus, a very much appreciate plus. I would care more about the plot because if you are reading a terribly written story, what’s the point in having good art anyways? You look at it for a bit and just move on to something else that isn’t a waste of time.

And like....come on. If you hate the LC feature, that’s all the more the reason why you should try it. It won’t even hurt you to read the story if you’re adamant on not spending money/converting coins. Even if it’s terribly written, you didn’t pay for it like you would have with a P2P story. No monetary loss there, just lost time and feelings of disappointment. And if you hate waiting or think LC is a waste of time, just think of reading an episode whenever you have time. You don’t have to commit to it. You could speed read an episode in a minute or two and then go on doing whatever else you want to do with your day. It shouldn’t take up that much of your time. And if you forget to, it’s fine. Not something you’ll be too invested in.

They’re not charging you for anything, so suck it up. I’m sure you have other things you can do in the meantime while you wait for the next episode. Your life doesn’t revolve around otome games (unless you’re adopting an unhealthy lifestyle in which case you have more things to be concerned about). Don’t be a whiny bitch about it. And that’s why the hearts system exists... for the impatient people. They WANT you to spend money on their products, since that’s the whole point of running a business. Yes you’re paying for a one-time access when you’re using hearts to read episodes. Yes you have to start over if you want to reread a specific episode. Ultimately it’s up to YOU to choose whether you want to spend money or not for LC stories, but you don’t HAVE to.

Again, I’m emphasizing the word ‘time’ because if you really don’t have time, then seriously just do whatever you’re supposed to be doing jesus christ. Don’t feel like I’m calling you out for not wanting to read LC stories because you don’t have time to wait around for it. I’m not telling you to prioritize LC over Voltage’s other stuff. Just give it a chance if you can afford to do so, because money isn’t the issue here if you can read the story for free. I know people look towards Voltage apps as a way to relax and so that I understand that reading a LC novel would not be a choice if you have limited time. Because why go for LC if you have perfectly good apps that you’ve already paid for and can read whenever you want? I understand. I really do.

In regards to people complaining about Masquerade Kiss being a LC novel, I have a couple things I want to say. Voltage has the right to choose whichever title they want to be LC. Besides, what criteria do you expect them to use in choosing which titles should be LC? It’s not as if they’ll be like “oh let’s choose an okay title to be Love Choice”, just to make customers glad that they don’t have to waste money. That’s not practical. And ideally they wouldn’t want to be writing shitty stories anyway. They need to make money off them or else it’s a waste of all the money and time they invested into producing the title. For the most part, all the newer titles have been decent, if not good. There will be people who love them and people who hate them. So how would you decide the best choice to be LC among all the good titles? And it wouldn’t make sense to make a title both LC and P2P because that would be when people will REALLY start to hate LC, especially when you have to fork out a ridiculous amount of hearts for the CG’s. Then there will be even more customer complaints yay. Also, if they made it P2P how many coins would they even charge for the whole route, considering how many hearts they have to spend for the CG’s? The CG’s are “free” only if you have enough hearts for those in-game choices that you want to choose, but if you’re paying for them that would mean it’s like $2-$3 per CG.

Since they announced this feature, it’s here to stay unless they decide to get rid of it (which I doubt). YOU DON’T GET A SAY IN IT. Their company, their products, their choices. They will make whatever choices in which they benefit the most from. Sometimes those choices will align with what customers want. Sometimes they won’t. You don’t like it then you leave. That’s what most people would do anyway. Even if you do leave, there will always be more people getting sucked into the Voltage trap anyways. If you don’t, then you will continue to rot in the sin bin that is Voltage and there goes your money. Sadly, that’s how the world works.

So yeah if you’re still reading, thanks for reading my very long winded, unpopular (probably) opinion. You’re a trooper. I have respect for you. I’m just here to get this off my chest. Please don’t hate me.

#review #voltage otome #masquerade kiss #love choice #voltage inc

32 notes · View notes

pepprs · 5 years

Text

[DONT RB] ok so there’s no way for me to talk abt this that isn’t gonna make me look like an absolute dumbass but im in the middle of a creative existential crisis and i rly need help figuring it out :•( this is gonna get SUPER LONG so im putting it under a readmore. thank u to anyone who reads this!!! and double thank u to anyone who can give some input / advice, i rly rly appreciate it. im sorry abt the length!

aight so for some background.... ive been drawing n writing poetry for abt 5 yrs now and both of those things r rly important to me. in school im an english major w a creative writing minor (for the poetry) and i work as a graphic designer (for the art) so ive been growing a lot as an artist and writer esp in the past 2 yrs and im kinda workin towards one or the other (or ideally both somehow!) as a career. one of the biggest dreams ive had since i started seriously pursuing both of these hobbies 5 yrs ago is to publish a book of poetry that i design / illustrate myself, and also to have a portfolio online where ppl can read all of my poetry and see all of my artwork (both professional / work stuff but also archives of all of my sketchbooks since those r rly important to me!!!) and maybe even make some sort of online shop where ppl can buy my art (stickers, keychains, etc!) and my poetry books!

that sounds pretty simple right? WRONG!!!!!! why? bc im a fucking idiot! and there are several dumb things i do that make this dream completely impossible for me to achieve! love that for me!

so for starters... ive been posting (almost) all of my art and ALL of my poetry online for all 5 yrs ive been creating it. that’s bad because:

ive hardly ever used my real name (which i would want to use for the book / shop / portfolio), it’s been under my usernames / aliases that go along w them (p*pe, pep, pea, etc and related usernames that shall not be mentioned) and i started going by my real first name only abt a yr ago, but still maintain those usernames for the most part in conjunction w my real name

my work has been primarily been posted to d*viantart and tumblr which aren’t exactly the most uh... professional places to do that. not that there rly are many i guess lmao but still

my online persona on these platforms is rly like. lax and loose which is Cool And Quirky when brought into a professional setting if it’s done right i guess.... but im just immature and unprofessional. i swear all the time, i shitpost constantly, im incessantly tmi? and that’s not even it like it’s just a whole mess!

SO there’s that whole set of problems and like im just concerned because... i stopped posting art online last yr for the most part and a lot of the old stuff that’s on dA (since that was rly where i did it most) is bad and not worth sharing like that anyways, so im not as worried abt that. but my poetry.... i still actively post that online in all my messiness and candidness here and like. it’s rly not that hard to find me? like if u copy a poem of mine and put it in google it’ll pull up my dA right away! and that’s like.... GOD i just am embarrassed for anyone irl to see that or for that to be connected with my irl / professional self in the future, but i don’t want to stop posting my work there (or here!!!!!) bc the community is so supportive and ive made some rly good connections / built a lot of traction over the 5 yrs ive been doing it. (PLUS for the online portfolio i wanna do specifically... i kinda want to post all of my art and poetry there, like everything ive ever done (specifically poetry, ive written almost 500 poems over the 5 yrs ive been doing it!), but i feel like that’s not rly the most professional thing to do and idk how to even gauge whether it is or not :-/)

but that’s not all!!!! because there’s another part to this and that is: the very nature of the content i produce is Not Good! for my art it’s not as much of a problem bc since I work as an artist rn a lot of what i make is professional, but for my personal art... a lot of that is either self portraits or my characters and a lot of my characters are like. animals. like specifically pepe (who is basically Me As A Cat).... i draw her constantly and so much of my best work is of her but it’s just like? embarrassing i guess for my ocs to take up so much of my portfolio and sketchbooks and stuff and share that. like i know everyone has characters and it’s not bad to do that and share that but i feel like ppl will judge me :-( so it’s made me rly hesitant to post stuff to my art ig for example bc i just don’t fucking know how to act, like it’s bad enough that i can’t type the way i want to and i have to type in proper caps n whatever instead bc irls i don’t know / trust as well follow me (including some ppl from work? Yikes?)....... but i feel like i can’t share my sketchbook stuff for example bc it’s all cats and my characters and visual shitposts and im uncomfy to share that bc like... im almost 20 and i don’t want ppl to think im immature or whatever? i kno i should feel like it’s my account and i can post wot i want but like. i fucking can’t bro i just can’t!!

and THEN.... my poetry. that’s the biggie bc like for my art? even tho im uncomfortable i don’t mind sharing that w ppl i know irl but for my POETRY.... it’s very easy to find like where i share that i guess? (the google thing i mentioned earlier but also its linked to my art on here and dA too... f) but i literally never actively share my writing w irl ppl unless im performing @ an open mic or workshopping in class bc im fucking terrified of the possibility of irl ppl finding my poetry. it’s almost ironic how public ive been w it online but how private i am abt it irl... it’s like im living a double life and it’s fucking terrible but it’s the only way i feel safe. bc like art is what i do for other ppl and also to destress and vent when i need a quick fix on my own time. but poetry.... that’s personal, it’s where i feel most like myself, it’s how i talk abt my life and ppl in it and make meaning of things and talk abt things authentically and Get Deep. and my literal worst nightmare is for ppl (who have the explicit ability to by virtue of Knowing Me) to read into it and Understand what im talking abt and have that power over me and see me differently for feeling the way i do or doing what i do. ive actually already been burned by this before after my mom read some work of mine that had been published irl (i don’t want to get too into it but basically i retroactively outed myself thru her reading that poem for what it was and it was Very Very Bad) and as paranoid abt it as i was before, it’s even worse now that it’s actually happened to me and could happen again at any time, esp if i decide to take my work further.

that manifests in a few ways too, like my writing is so cryptic and vague and very heavy on metaphors / symbolism and shit partially out of that deep fear and need to shield myself and my work. sometimes in spaces where i do feel comfy sharing, ppl have a hard time understanding my poetry unless i give context. online and on stage and in workshop ppl don’t rly know me outside of a context where the only thing we have in common is self expression thru poetry, so i don’t rly mind sharing more when it’s appropriate. but if i were to share my work as a book or w/e, ppl im close to (who maybe don’t always think like a poet / artist does bc they aren’t that) would want to buy it and read it and might ask abt what it means and i don’t even know what i would do in that situation. and if ppl were to read my work and see themselves / others in it, whether it is abt them or not, im scared it could genuinely damage relationships like it did with my mom.

SO UH.... idk where im going w this rly, i kno it’s long and rambly and melodramatic and im probably overthinking it and making a mountain out of a molehill and nobody even knows / cares abt me AND my work @ the same time enough to read That Deep into it. but it just fucking sucks that im so uncomfortable and insecure that i can’t comfortably fulfill literally the one single long term goal / life dream that i have. andthe thing that sucks is i can’t talk to Anybody abt this except like... my sister and brother bc they’re the only ppl i genuinely tell everything to, but they don’t have the knowledge and expertise abt art / poetry that like... my poetry prof does, for example. and my poetry prof is one of the best ppl ive ever met and the Only person ive ever met irl who respects and understands my poetry in the exact way i need someone to. she and i have been talking and she rly wants to help me publish my poetry bc she sees merit in my work and knows how bad i want to / how successful it’s been already, but i don’t know how to talk abt this to her bc im embarrassed to tell her abt posting online and being ashamed abt my muses and all that and it just!!! sucks so much bc i kinda want to publish my work @ least once before i graduate and do it semi regularly for the rest of my life? but there’s so much in my way and it’s just! FGGFHDGJGGGG

#purrs #DONT RB #lms if u read please!!!#ALSO!!!! i sound so dumb but i rly hope i didnt offend anyone.... i dont judge anyone but myself for the stuff i do and as for being uncomfy #w sharing my work.... its literally not u its me and my deep dissatisfaction w who i am as a person. and in a perfect world i would b comfy #sharing things abt my life w other ppl but im not and its on me and not bc of anyone else (w the exception of my mom lel)#i guess the aquarius moon rly did jump out 😔#god i feel so dumb and mean and conceited for posting this but if anyone has suggestions / advice / anything rly i rly appreciate it!#and thank u so much to anyone who took tje time to read this @ all bc like. its a lot i kno im just. a lot

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jimmycarrhairlinesurgery · 5 years

Note

hey abby guess what. 1-30

1: Favorite season?

you KNOW you KNOW a softe bitch loves season 5 its just pure and nice and comforting to watch and also has so many goode episodes and macden moments in it... i literally have the url iasipseasonfive saved like need i say more

2: Favorite character?

its mac... like ofc it is ive loved dennis and dee in the past and of course i still have a soft spot for the trash twins esp their childhoods but mac’s coming out arc is just perfect and he just wants to be a happy boye! honestly it might change but my big three are den dee and mac sorry gruesome twosome

3: Favorite cast member?

i kin glennato and like LOVE his weird music taste but i have 2 say kaitlin olson shes so present on social media and the utter reverence with which the other cast members speak abt her is just. beautiful! she’s credited with literally saving the show by making dee just as despicable as the rest of the gang she’s a feminist queen and also managed to cuff rmacelhenney like kudos girl! angel queen gorgeous etc

4: OTP?

it’s mac and dennis honestly their relationship can get my heart pounding and it was the main reason i was drawn to the show in the first place... kings of being repressed sexually and emotionally and honestly i related to that feeling of being repressed and in love w your best friend like not to project on characters that have nothing to do w me but they rlly helped me work through some issues!!! im not as ride or die as before because theyve already done so much but fingers crossed for s14 lads

5: BROTP?

ooooo this is difficult bc i love charmac but mac and dee is the friendship we deserve.... she could help him get over his raging misogyny and he could introduce her to the gay lifestyle how perfect would that be?? also i just feel like when they r alone they could be so nice to each other and i want that for them

6: NOTP?

one of them raped the other, what more can i say?

7: answered

8: Least favorite character?

it has to be frank like i get so angry thinking about how he abused dennis and dee as children he has almost zero redeemable qualities but like.. i could learn to love him if mfhp was a turning point... i just can’t ever get over the fact that he owned a sweatshop the joke stuff just isn’t even funny to me it makes me feel ill

9: Least favorite episode?

uhhhh if you’ve seen iasip ranked you’ll know that we ranked a cricket’s tale and frank’s brother as the worst but i’d also like to put up there the gang goes on family fight bc dennis’ breakdown is painfullll... other episodes that hurt me personally are the gang broke dee and how mac got fat

10: Favorite crack ship?

deetress started off as a crackship but it’s become honestly very serious and i hold it v close to my heart... if you don’t believe me watch one single minute of the boggs ladies reboot.... honorable mention is charden

11: Favorite headcanon?

hhmm i think that one of my favourite ones of all time is dennis is the bar like that was inimitable... also like hc that dee is lesbian bc she is

12: An episode you wish you could change?

all lethal weapon episodes... imagine how iconic they could be and quotable as well if they didn’t include blackface :(

13: An episode you wish you could write?

i want to write a vegas ep for sure.... like imagine also i would NOT do it justice but the episode where mac and dennis first get together, oof actually you’d do a better job of it tbh

14: Favorite thing about the show?

it has to be rcg like what other showrunners would care so much about the fate of the show and adapt it so much as time goes on... as much as i slander them on this website they really created one of the best shows to ever air

15: Least favorite thing about the show?

hmmm aside from all the blackface and the fact that they should have hired black writers if they wanted to address race in the show.... the fact that the gang r being so mean to mac and the whole ddl thing it’s a nightmare why didn’t they tell us what was going on with dennis??

16: Favorite running gag?

charlie’s illiteracy......... iconique also repressed mac was a good gag while it lasted i am glad he is out though

17: Best Mac shirt?

BEAST COAST

18: Best Dennis rant?

hnndg im gonna have to say the whole keeping the skin,, skin glass box thing in season 10 i forget the name of the episode but GOD that kills me every time glenn really went to julliard huh

19: answered

20: answered

21: Favorite end credits message?

idk i never watch the end credits messages! send me your favourites if you have any lads :)

22: A character you’d write off the show?

ngl probably cricket... he really bores me and like a cricket’s tale cemented that i think everything they can do with the character they have done but for longevity they have to keep him so he can supplement the gang’s schemes

23: An actor you want to see on the show (bonus points if you can think of a character for them)?

ooooooooo i’d love if dax sheppard came back on the show!! also i WISH lili reinhardt could come on but as betty from riverdale.. like a 30 second betty from riverdale cameo would be so ideal you have no idea it would be so stupid but like... hh

24: Favorite fic?

Yphrum’s Law by @lesbianfreyja chapter one made me BAWL (andchaos on ao3) and also anything by @macfoundhispride (yennefers on ao3) and also your fics michelle !!! everyone go check her out she’s peraltiagoisland on ao3

25: Favorite promo shoot?

the fuckign ingrid bergman one for season 8 i have no idea why they would do that but it’s incredible..... so niche i feel like it was glennato’s idea

26: Best Waitress hair-style?

sexeyyy episode charlie and dee find love her hair was so pretty long but also i love it now im glad she went brunette again good for her!! any waitress hairstyle is a good hairstyle

27: Fluffy hair Mac or hair-gel Mac?

FLUFFY HAIR MAC ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?

28: answered in GREAT DETAIL

29: Overrated character?

cricket... not to bash cricket again.... but also frank and charlie are overrated imo i can’t understand why charlie is the show’s darling i’ve never been that interested in him

30: Underrated episode?

the most underrated episode of all time is pop-pop the final solution i love it sm.... GOD it’s so good it truly has everything and like the nazi stuff was well executed.. questions abt life and death,,, deception, ryan gosling? i love it also dennis reynolds an erotic life is amazing

this took me like an hour and a half michelle i hope you’re happy!! also if you’re still reading thank you for putting up w my bullshit

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pinkykitten · 6 years

Text

Standing Up

The Greatest Showman

Three - Legged Man x female! reader

Warning: the mob being buttholes, bullies, violence

Specifics: romance, fluff, man vs man, fall, pumpkin, race neutral reader

People: Francesco “Frank” Lentini (three-legged man), you, the mob, P.T. Barnum (mentioned), P.T. Barnum family (mentioned)

Words: 1,732

Request: By anonymously Hi there! I've been reading through your blog (mainly tgs tag you have) and love your writing! 💕 I was wondering if I could maybe request a story for Frank, the three legged man? Maybe where the mob finds out about the two dating and start to target her and it gets to her, so Frank comforts her? Hope that's a good enough of a description 😄 Thanks!! ❤

Authors Note: hiya! thank u so much for liking my tgs writing. im so happy that i write for this fandom cuz honestly it deserves to much luv. thnx for requesting and i hope this was good enough. btw i luv this character like i would point him out every time i saw him he looks so cool! im sorry this took so long pls forgive me! i hope you enjoy and pls feedback is much appreciated. thnx!

You and Frank have been dating for a couple of months, loving every single moment you both shared with each other.

Intertwining fingers, overwhelming hugs, countless of kisses, and so much more is the love you both posses.

Meeting Frank was the best thing that has ever happened to you. You and Frank had greeted through a friend, and a very known friend at that. It was through Ralph Krooner aka the elephant - skinned man. Everything was history.

You did not at all mind about Frank’s extra leg. You knew he was self conscious about it and just knowing that fact made your heart ache in sadness.

Unfortunately Frank wanted to keep your relationship a secret. Not wanting even a homeless cat to know.

His reasoning? “I don’t want people to find out, love, because I don’t want you to get bullied or hurt because of me.”

You understood and respected his wishes. You didn’t want him to feel like he couldn’t trust you.

“Oh look at how big this one is Frank!” You called to him, waving your hand in the direction of the object you were wanting to show Frank. It was Fall, you were bundled up enough but not too much. You had wanted to go to the market so badly last Fall but Frank was not comfortable yet to go. This time he made the effort to attend the Fall market. All just to make you happy.

Frank walked to you and as he walked people stared. Some children and some adults. Scoffing, whispering things to each other.

You so badly wanted to tell them off, tell them how rude they were being and how they should teach their children manners. But again, you had to keep your relationship with Frank a secret.

It was hard in public. You wanted to call him love, sweetheart, all these pet names but you couldn’t, you had to call him Frank. You couldn’t even hold his hand in public. It was a nightmare!

“What is it y/n? Are you okay?” He asked concerned.

You nodded your head, “yes silly I am alright, but look what I found!” You squeal in delight as you show him a huge pumpkin.

With a struggle you picked up the orange fruit (if it got seeds then it a fruit, at least thats what ive heard) to show to Frank, closer up. Frank tried to help you the best he could.

He did help immensely.

“I’m sorry I can’t be much of help,” he looked down ashamed of himself.

You softly placed your foot by his and he looked up wide eyed, “Thank you good sir for helping me carry this. You are very strong.”

You bit your lip as you saw how his muscles flexed from the weight of the pumpkin. Frank saw you admiring his arms and he smiled with a little giggle.

“You are very welcome, beautiful madam.”

You grinned and asked him if he could carry it to the paying tent.

As you and him walked there more people stared, more people whispered. Some even laughed. Out of the corner of your eye you saw the worst of these bullies. The mob. They tormented and treated people differently from them with evil acts. They spit, threw things at them, and called them names. You glared at the leader of the mob.

Maybe you shouldn’t have done that.

As you went to the paying tent, the mob came to his side.

“Oh look another freak!”

Frank, still holding the pumpkin, pushed you behind him, setting and arm in front of you in case anything were to happen you would be protected.

“Men, we don’t want any trouble. Please let us get on with our day with no confrontation.” Frank tried to avoid the situation.

“No, I think we’re good here. You helping out this young woman?” They all started hooting and hollering at you, whistling for you to come over. “C’mon little darling, we can show you a good time.”

Frank placed the pumpkin on a nearby table with anger, “How dare you talk to a woman like that? You outta be ashamed of yourselves.”

The leader of the mob cackled, “All women are whores!”

At that Frank almost lunged at the man, but quickly you placed your hands on Frank’s shoulder. Stopping him.

Frank took deep breathes and you saw his hands turned into fists. He was very irate!

The men laughed so hard, holding their bellies. “What kinda man are you? Can”t even protect your whore. I mean look at ya, god must’ve hated you when he created ya. I mean he gave you an extra leg.” They all laughed again.

You could tell Frank was trying to hold back his tears. Feeling useless.

You became furious! You, elegantly walked up to the men. They all hushed and the leader raised his brow, thinking you were coming for some alone time.

Next thing you knew, you slapped the man hard on the face. His eyes went red and he looked so angry.

“You don’t ever call me that again, you hear! I am not some toy that you get to play around with. I am a woman and I should, no I deserve respect. And you should go to hell for saying those mean comments to my love!”

Everyone seeing the scene and the mob gasped.

“Thats right, I, a woman, love him,” you point to Frank who is standing there shocked at your words. “You do not have the right to bring people down and to hurt their feelings just because they look different. You have no right! He deserves the same respect as everyone else. He is so amazing and so kind, he shouldn’t be treated this way. So I think that is enough, and if you would like another slap, you know where to find me.”

You then took Frank’s hand in yours and walked to the pumpkin to buy it. As you almost picked it up the leader of the mob grabbed it first and with a snarl said, “I don’t like your little threats whore, you best be careful what you say now, or else.”

He then raised the pumpkin high and threw it to the ground making the pumpkin splash everywhere.

“I was gonna buy that you monster!”

You were so excited for this pumpkin because you had wanted to make so many dishes and desserts for Frank. But now it was ruined, you seeing the pumpkin patch was empty of pumpkins.

“Too bad,�� spit the leader, giving you a hard slap on your face as well. You fell to the ground, your cheek already swelling. Your dress ruined with dirt. And the people, the people laughing.

Frank flung himself to the leader and started punching him with all his might. Lets just say Frank was winning. Not letting the leader out of his sight.

Just then P.T. Barnum came out with his family in the back of him to break up the fight. He held back Frank and you can tell Frank was happy to see him.

Frank looked to you feeling like he wanted to comfort you but you just stood up and ran away.

“My love, wait, please,” you heard Frank’s calls. But you didn’t want to, you couldn’t stay anymore.

Tears streamed down your face, they were never ending. You felt this day and age people will never understand you. You felt lost. You felt weak. You were pretending to be this tough girl when on the inside you were fragile and scared. But you don’t regret any second of it. You got your point across, you showed the world that you do love Frank, and that you would take any slap for him.

You went to your house and hurried with your keys to unlock the door. You sprinted inside.

In your house you felt safe and protected. Nobody could see or hurt you.

You sat on one of the kitchen chairs and just wept. They were uncontrollable. You felt humiliated.

“Oh god, I’m so terrible. I even left Frank there. Well, at least Phineas is there.” You spoke aloud to yourself, sniffling in the middle. You grabbed a handkerchief and blew your nose.

You then hear your doorbell ring. You try to regain your composure and make yourself look presentable.

You look through the blinds to see Frank standing there. His hair all disheveled, his clothes out in some places. He looked very worried.

“My love are you okay?”

You stood there, leaning on the door frame. You smiled and the tears came back, you hugged Frank crying on his shoulder.

“It hurt me what they said to you Frank.”

Frank nodded and placed both hands on your cheeks, kissing the swelling of the slap. “Y/n, I didn’t want you to do that for me. You got hurt because of it. I knew this would happen.”

You looked up at him and shook your head. “I did what I was meant to do, protect you. Defend you. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. And I don’t care who sees anymore, I want the whole world to know that you and me are together, in love.” You laced your fingers with his, and kissed his hand.

Frank looked at you adoringly, “are you sure, beautiful? You may regret it.”

You brought his face to you and whispered, “never.”

You and him shared a deep, emotional kiss. Some people passing by looked at you two. You didn’t care anymore, you wanted to shout to the heavens how much you loved this man.

After the kiss Frank leaned his forehead against yours, “I am so sorry they hurt that perfect face of yours. Thank you y/n, for standing up for me today. Nobody has ever done that except Mr. Barnum. I love you so much.”

You smiled, Frank brushed your tears away. “I love you, my sweetheart.” You kissed Frank again.

“I have a surprise for you,” Frank chuckled grabbing something from behind him.

“What is it?”

Frank then brought out a huge pumpkin, bigger than the one you had earlier. You jump up and down in delight.

“Oh my god thank you so much Frank! I love it, its perfect!” You hop to him, giving him a big embrace. “Its perfect,” you whispered to him. “Just like you.”

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aoifesweirdjournal · 3 years

Text

teeth

something i struggle with and have struggled with since about 10 is my teeth.

when i was younger i used to try and hide from my dad, i lived my entire life in my room. only went out to use the bathroom and get food/drinks. i didnt walk the dog, get exercise, i managed the occasional shower but that was about it. never took plates and cups out of my room, which is a whole 'nother issue. and i never brushed my teeth.

and I mean, i went years without brushing my teeth. its a miracle i didnt have any tooth decay for the first few years, i still dont get it. i ate sugary food (it was what we usually had in) but only ever had one tiny, tiny cavity.

this issue didnt get fixed when i moved into my mums house though. to this day it hasnt improved much. brushing teeth is not even near a "habit" to me. i have to consciously do it, and i am NOT good at that. i often go weeks without brushing, despite what im going through and the fear it causes me. I think it's some sort of self harm mechanism. ugh.

in the past year ive had my two upper wisdom teeth out due to huge cavities (partially my mouths fault, even if i had brushed there was no way to get a brush behind them. they might have ended up coming out anyway.) i've had two fillings, although i dare say they were more "reconstructions". My mouth almost looks like the shit you'd see on those "remember to brush your teeth or youll end up like this monster!!" posters.

I've undoubtedly got months and months, maybe years of dental work to come. and i don't like the dentist, so that's fun in and of itself. Before my wisdom teeth came out they caused me such severe agony i burst into tears at multiple times, and i don't usually do that. right now as im typing, my bottom right wisdom tooth has a giant cavity in it. no pain, thank whoever is giving me a break, but a huge hole. they might try and fill it, might just yoink it out. they don't know yet.

almost all my teeth have decay, most at the gumline. I had such straight, "perfect" teeth. they were so nice. i was often told how lucky i was to have them. I could barely get floss inbetween them. now some of them I can blow air through with ease, i never could before.

being a fat, feminine presenting person, its as if the world expects you to look immaculate, lest you be an UGLY fat person. thats just the worst possible thing. and this... when people look at a fat person sweating, or panting, they dont think "oh, they've been for a run." it's always connected to "oh look, a fat person, panting because theyre fat." its the same for teeth. oh, how gross must i be, never brushing my teeth, i must eat nothing but sugar. a disgusting gross fat person who doesn't care about how they look. Yet it's the exact opposite.

a note on the subject of diet; im vegan now. not the most immaculate diet but i eat good stuff. my biggest issue is when i eat; usually not eating all day. (shoutout to eating disorders)

While we should all still be wearing masks, i'm dreading the time it stops being socially acceptable to do so. every part of me, i put effort into. my makeup, perfectly winged eyeliner, my hair, dyed and fluffy and shiny, i always smell good, wear nice clothes. But I have this disgusting secret that fucking terrifies me, if im honest.

there have been times ive thought itd just be easier to pull them all out and get dentures. a 20 year old with dentures. hah. its a better option than offing myself, which on multiple occasions i've thought about. my teeth are the last few straws on the camels back, so to speak.

hm. a small piece of my lower front teeth cracked off today while i was playing games. its what made me create this blog, finally. what made me write this as my first post. when a piece of your tooth falls into your hand there is that flash of panic. You feel your gut sink.

it is sad, in its own way, that the feeling no longer lasts for me.

perfect, straight, whole, white teeth. its what people want. How do you even live a life without at least decent teeth? sometimes it feels impossible. the fat, enby, dyed hair, socially inept, bad memory, disgusting teeth student. who would ever take them seriously?

...tooth decay is never, ever talked about in connection with depression, or mental illness. if anyone else out there is dealing with the same thing, im sorry. it's a genuinely terrifying thing to have to deal with. but its not just you.

#teeth #mental illness #dental hygiene #teeth and depression #tooth decay #aoife thinks #cw: depression #cw: teeth #cw: eating disorders #cw: tmi

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pokefanbri · 4 years

Text

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

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survivormontenegro · 5 years

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Episode 15 (Finale): “I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE” - Ali

Did that vote make me a villain? Cuz I don't think I can avoid that anymore. But did it screw my chances of winning? Did it add to my resume? Did it make sense? Who do I work with next? Do people understand that Ali is gonna win this game? Is Ali gonna win another immunity challenge? Can I get him voted off or is it smarter to get him to vote with me, because its Benj and I and we need one more. I have more questions after last night than I started, but knowing that Benj was going to vote Jones I didn't think I had much of a choice.

JONES WHEN U SEE THIS ILY IM SO SORRY :((((((

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breakdown.

Seamus enjoyed seeing me suffer with maths and black rotating puzzle

Ok so Ali won immunity so cant use idol on himself so im in the F4 hehe (unless hes seriously been playing me this entire time LMAO)

My 0 votes will prob be ruined tho but oh well still a huge improvement from 20 in kili

honestly think im losing in any F3 scenario ugh im gonna be a 2 time ftc loser LOL kinda iconic tho

regardless this has been one of the most fun games ive ever played hehe

I am trying my best to stay safe this round. I think it would be crazy for them to let me make it to F4, not that I think I am gonna win, but the momentum is definitely with Ali, Tom, and Jason, and I seem like the logical vote.

With that, there are some things I would like to say about the game. I'm actually pretty proud of the way I played. I know it wasn't the most graceful, or the most honest or loyal. I votes out Alex when he really trusted me. I flopped on Jules to win my way back in with that side. I stuck by Mo, but ultimately let him go when I had no choice, and then I did the same thing but more dramatically with Jones. I helped idol out the power player Mitch, but my strongest attribute was creating tight relationships with people who always felt they need to get that extra vote, Tom, Ali, Benj, Alex, Jones, Mo. The closeness has always made me less of a target, I hope not because they think I'm not a threat, but rather because they think I might be that swing vote for them. I feel like I have largely been the only one to make real decisions in this game except for Mitch, because Benj followed whoever told him to vote what, and Tom and Jason only make decisions because they just need to target whoever targets them. Ali and I are suppose to be in a secret bond, but the only time we vote together is when I switch and vote with him (Alex and Jones). I was the flip vote with Jason on Jules. I helped make the decision to vote out Mitch. I told Ali that I think it needs to be Jason this time. If I make it through this that would be soooo freakin fun. If I don't I worked my magic to try to get the target off of me, and so far I think the vote is Jason v Benj (sorry Benj that I had to convince Jason that I could work with him in the case that he idols). The biggest kink to that game is Ali winning those immunities, because truly I think the F5 would have been so different. Him winning rn changes everything and I can truly see the chinks in my strategy and gameplay now. I'm a mess, but I'm a calculating emotional mess, so hey points for me right?

okay so Jason left, which is really good news. He was clearly a major threat, and I acheived my goal (admittedly with no contribution to Mitch going) of Mitch, Jones & Jason being three boots in order.

So I'm in the final four with Caeleb, Benj and Tom. AND TOM IS NOW TARGETTING ME THAT MUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPET. I saw this coming, I knew he would, he thinks he is gonna pull a fast one on me, but little does he know Benj is the KINGEST KING, and we've been allies since the first round.

So I really REALLY wanna win final four immunity, because it might be the Final Immunity and I am cautiously optimistic that if I can just make FTC, I can win this whole thing. If I win immunity, I'm voting out Caeleb with Benj and Tom, who will... kicking and screaming have to vote with me ajkdslfa.

I think no matter what, I'll be able to go to firemaking this round at worst, since I think Benj is firmly in my corner. And I've been dominant in challenges thus far, and could hopefully continue to do so? We will see ahh.

I just desperately want to win immunity this round, because then I can vote Caeleb out and drag Tom to F3. mwahahahahahahahahahaha. HE WILL HAVE TO SIT WITH ME IN A FINAL THREE, like it or not!

I'm literally so close to FTC this is gonna drive me insane. If its a F3, I think I'm literally a challenge away from winning this season, I could truly SCREAM hnnnnnnnnnngh.

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There's so much riding on this next immunity challenge. Like so much. And i just realized that I have no won immunity since Merge and everyone else left has, so umm here's hoping.

I WON FINAL IMMUNITY OH MY GOD. i literally.. my heart was pump pumping so fast, when Caeleb won the first two rounds I literally was gonna throw up/throw something/throw a fit.

But HNNNGH I won (and I filmed my reaction, which I'll upload), and I need to vote off Caeleb in my opinion. Benj is a king, but he hasn't done as much as me in this game, and Tom is solidly getting third place I think at this stage, so I think I have a great shot.

IM SO CLOSE ASKLDFAF. I COULD LITERALLY WIN A TUMBLR SURVIVOR SEASON WHAT IS THIS LIFE.

I know that this game is an emotional mess. And HELL I have been an emotional mess. But this I think is the first time that I'm actually angry. 6 immunity wins? Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell? I coulda made it to FTC, and like I'm not done yet I'll keep fighting so hopefully I can make it. But in normal circumstances I would be there. I just. Am so. Livid. There's no strategy involved when you can't vote someone out consistently. Now I have to fight tooth and nail just to have a shot and go against the freakin contender to win. Like its so disheartening, and Ali is a sweet guy sure, but he hasn't even made half the moves I have. His biggest move and most unexpected? Voting out Julia. If I get my chance to make it to FTC I'll have a lot to say, but I don't think its looking up for me at this point.

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this is the worst video i've ever filmed nobody watch this

I CANT BELIEVE I MADE F3 AGAIN!!!!!

WOWOWOWOW

and with Ali our day 1 duo actually did it WTF?

Tom king too the anzacs made it

I know im losing but its been SO FUN!!

Good memories only

Okay so... FTC was yesterday, and I kind of want to do a final wrap up confessional, just to kind of bring some personal closure.

So it seems unless a lot shifts, that I am decisively going to win this game. I'm so unbelievably excited, I've literally only ever come second in survivor games, so to have finally snatched the win genuinely means a lot. It shows me that 2019 truly has been a year of real emotional growth for me, and the personal roadblocks I've put in front of myself that have cost me games in the past, have been lifted and I have my act together much much more.

FTC was... just such a weird experience yesterday, I always get dragged at FTCs, particularly live ones. I've only done two ever (Athena: All Stars and BB Pokemon: Orre) and both times, not a single juror spoke positively about my game that was present. To have jurors come on, and say that I unequivocally played the best was such a bizarre experience, but I love all the jurors so much and their high estimation of me is genuinely so flattering.

With that said, FTC was also a really rough experience. I love Benj and Tom with my full heart, and watching Tom get relentlessly told he was rude was tricky because I know how good of a guy he really is, and how well he meant with everyone. Benj was rough because... it seems I just outplayed him, and him mentioning our duo in his opening statement when I didn't at all... was really rough because I felt partly at fault for his dragging. I just love both of them, so it was hard.

I also feel bad for what I was like in confessionals this season, from memory at some point, I went in on JJ, Mo and Caeleb in confessionals, and while I apologised for all, I still feel awful that I let myself get so worked up in this game to sort of snap at them? Like Mo is a genuine friend of mine, so the fact that he wrote like... a sentence and I got so pressed is really stupid, I love Mo so much and hope I can make it up to him. Caeleb I got so mad at after the Jones' idol play for literally no reason... like he outplayed me that round, and its so pathetic that I got mad at him for that. I think Caeleb played a PHENOMENAL game, and did so well.

If I had to predict the POTS of the season, I would say my top three would be Jones, Caeleb and Mitch. Jones is... Jones, she is so likable and has such charisma and hold over people, and her idol play was arguably the most impressive move of the season. Caeleb was someone I underestimated to such at the start of merge, but he played such an impressive middle game, and would've had my vote if I was voted out at F3. Mitch it sounds like was hated by the jury, but I think he played amazingly? Like he has been a target since F20, his name was thrown out so many times, and I just think he did so good? I lowkey think he would be my player of the season to be honest.

I wanna talk about the other jurors particularly that I haven't really referenced in this. Alex is someone I somehow feel most guilty about voting out? He is just such a genuinely good guy, and I think I had this preconceived notion of him as like a gamebot, when he is just so wholesome, I can't wait for him to return, and make single digits. scratch that, I can't wait for him to return and WIN.

I also wanna talk about Jules. I am such a Jules warrior? Like... such a Jules warrior? They were such a pleasure to work with, and I just love them so much. I did them dirty by not idoling them/telling them they were going, but they are someone I have SO much time, love and respect for.

Who else, omg JASON! He was the perfect final juror for yesterday's FTC, someone who went easy on Tom who needed that, and just... is such a wholesome good guy, I love Jason.

Anyway, this is already really, really long so I need to wrap this up. I just want to say how happy this season has made me, and how much of a pleasure its been apart of. I joined the ORG community right before a lot of messy personal stuff came my way, and a lot of my org memories are tied to that. I used to let my personal drama get itself interwoven in my games, and I would just be so emotional. To have a game where I could play hard, cracked and WELL, and just have fun has been such a pleasure, and Im so emo about it.

I just wanna thank the hosts again too, I literally am a full on Asya, Drew, Johnny and Seamus WARRIOR, I love all four of them for hosting my favourite org experience EVER, its been amazing. I've been such a crackhead, was the only OG Budva Tumblr Survior newbie to make merge, spammed my host chat with an unbelievable number of messages, been AWFUL at the bridge idol hunt system yet ended up with two idols, been a crackhead (bears repeating because of how much of a mess i was), its been... a time KLADSF

But yes. I just have had a phenomenal time, crackheads are gonna crackhead and this brit is joining the tumblr survivor royal family, and I truly could not be more excited.

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survivormarmoreal · 5 years

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Episode #9: "we're here for the messy bitch game play right" - Annabelle

Tribal was f*ckin wild. Like didnt see that coming and Nicole we literally never talked so dont come for me. 👏

So far Nicole’s attempt hasnt affected anything. And plus Sharky took more of the heat and more blood on his hand and I did for coming up with the Nicole vote. Like im scream team to the end but like it works better for me if people dont see me as a huge threat right now unlike Sharky. I think i might be in a good spot and with an advatage with this immunity hopefully i can win.

Well... I refuse to be booboo the fool right now. I have conflicting information currently about who voted me so guess what? I am not gonna trust anyone LMAO. Everyone is denying and pointing the fingers at others and its fucking pissing me off. Like just own up to voting me so i can have a clear target my fucking god. Like goodbye see you soon!

from my confessional cause i just went off in it LOL about the last tribal: i know brian and sharky did not vote me nate and bryce are being fishy maynor seems non exsistant keaton is literally opening his big mouth and getting himself in more trouble i trust anna enough and nick thinks he is "iconic" for an idol play like boi con-fucking-gratulations that you can do something many have done before you

Like, im so done with these people, just let me play my idol in peace smh

So I basically threw this challenge. I just put myself for most of the positives and I put Keaton for most of the negatives. With a few random answers sprinkled in. I get so nervous about really trying on Touchy Subjects because Im worried about revealing my alliances and stuff. This way I just look cocky. And Keaton and I are already on bad terms so me putting him for the negatives might piss him off but probably not anyone else. Ugh

ok so me snapping and voting matt is really annoying KJFHDSAKJFDHS idk why i did that! i was crazy back then... so current thinking is that me/matt/keaton voted matt. and then nicole did keaton and everyone else did nicole. i dont think anyone suspects me but like they woudlnt tell me if they do FJKASDHFKJ apparently matt thinks that nathan did it and anna thinks that it was keaton and maynor and im just like :| FSAJDHFKD. also this comp is about to ruin me like my answers are def gonna make ppl hate me and plus i wrote myself for some good ones which i never do but idk im just really feeling myself so cant wait for the crushing weight of reality to knock me down a peg or two when i get like "next voted out" "doesnt deserve to be here" AFJKSDFHKAJ but maybe not... anyways i recently got obsessed with shakira again like.. im thriving

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https://i.imgur.com/5o6sz3j.png when i tell u i screamed JKDFASHKJAD

Okay so Touchy Subjects ALWAYS blows up my game. Like I got all the ones that make people target you. Running the Game. Biggest Snake. Physical Threat. I even somehow managed to get "Trust the Most" and "Best Liar". HOW!? And now I'm super worried because if I wasn't on everybody's radar before I sure am now. And I have no idea who I can trust after those rogue Matt votes. I even feel slightly sketched out by Nick. He's acting...weird. And he keeps telling everyone there is a war between me and Keaton. Which I guess is sort of true because Keaton is throwing my name out there. And obviously I would rather him go.

everyone is so extra JKDAHSKFJ matt making a post about how the ppl who are lying and saying they didnt vote him are personally effecting him are terrible like.. ok sorry for not exposing myself get over it u got 3 votes one of which were ur own and maybe if u were more active and didnt reply with one word responses no matter how hard i tried to get u to speak i wouldnt have thrown the vote on u. im just like so over his entitledness that ppl confess to him like who do u think u are KJFHADKJFDH. i feel like maybe im being too mean so if matt reads this after the game im sure ur just in ur feelings or w/e and u did say u had personal stuff going on but like thats not an excuse to go on tirades in the tribe chat when no one but u cares.

keaton is the worst person ive ever met (and i know zach :s) weird of him to choose white ppl saying the n word as his hill to die on but um i got the cannon ready to aim and hes going :airplane: to jury.

OK, so basically Annabelle wins immunity! Good for her, but she's literally not doing enough for me to feel beyond happy for her kjHD... like she's nice and I like her, but at the end of the day, I really don't think she's doing much to propel herself and she's just getting kinda lucky... considering the first and now second immunity have been somewhat luck based... ya....

Keaton's the name being thrown into the mix already (it's only 9:11pm), and I really am fine with that this time around! I like him, but I think he's just someone who can easily go now and it not be bad for me in the future. He's already thrown out Sharky's name and basically called out Sharky to his face, so I'm kinda shaking in my booties. As long as it ain't me, I'm happy enough to listen, but I just don't want any big surprises like the Matt votes, again.

Sharky has been thrown out as the biggest threat in this game right now, and while I think it's very apparent to everyone, I can't have him going anywhere right now. No fucking way. I love the shark man. He's my favorite... he cannot go anywhere... I need him!! So buh-fucking-bye, Keaton! I may like you, but it's not enough to keep you.

Keaton is trash.

Let me elaborate on my previous confessional. So first Keaton tries to call me out for mentioning his name which I didn't do (I did admit to it to save the drama so thats partially on me) but he tries to call me out in public after the vote. Gross. Then after the challenge he starts gunning for me hard. He wants to claim I was doing the same but I wasn't gunning for him very hard. Because i didn't care if he went. He wasn't an ally but he wasn't a threat either. until he started trying to tear me down. Also let's be clear this all started because EVERYONE thinks he's rude and annoying. Then he tries to come for me in pms calling me out for spreading lies. Which again I NEVER DID. So I straightened him out on that. Then he tries to do the "If I don’t get you out now I never will and then we all lose." which is BULLSHIT. Don't get mad and angry with me just because I'm playing better than you. CHILDISH. Then in the tribe chat he says "As a player he can burn. As a person he's enjoyable." IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME HATE HIM!? First of saying I can burn makes me want to really drag him. Also bro you and i don't talk you don't know shit about me as a person. You did that just to feed this "Feud" thats going on. STFU. Bye. Whichever one of us goes I'm glad I won't have to talk to his KIRBY LOOKING ASS anymore. I wish Marie had stayed.

Okay I can't lie I'm super nervous about this vote. I just don't trust anyone. I'm talking to Annabelle now and was like "I'm down to vote for anybody" because I'm not sure where she's at and I want her to know I am a vote for her.

Well. Good thing is that i wasnt dragged with with what Nicole said which is good with me. I didnt get any touchy subject which is also great. My two best allies Sharky and Keaton both did which means they’ll be targeted before I do. Which is awesome. Me and Nathan dont want to see Keaton go so we got Annabell and Bryce to be with us for a 5 person voting block thats going after Matt. Thats right, Matt is going home. Keaton plan was to try and distract Sharky and fight with him and have both of their names on the chopping block. This means that Matt wont see this blindside happening. And if Sharky has an idol, he’ll waste it cuz he won’t be getting any votes. Its gonna sbe wild af. Be ready.

Its been very quiet this morning. The plan has been set so im hoping that nothing else shatters the plan. The idol search doesnt like me as it likes Nick. Only thing i found was an advantage for next immunity which was an extra point butnit was touchy subject so i kinda threw it cuz said my name for the ones i felt where really bad. And i want to give a shout out for host Drew. You are an amazing and cool person.

OK, so Nathan has been going behind me and Sharky's back to target Matt... and I'm just shook to my fucking core.... bless Annabelle's big heart for telling Sharky because it gave us some room to snap hard. I know Matt has an idol, and I cannot wait for him to pull it out at tribal. I think that Nathan is thinking very short term and thinking him not telling me and Sharky is just some move he can make on his own, but as the Touchy Subjects' results showed us, Nathan thinks he's running the game but Sharky is actually doing it. Getting this info... what a fucking legend...

Annabelle doesn't want to be screwed because of this whole situation so Sharky wants to avoid voting Nathan out but I lowkey don't care. Nathan keeping me out of the conversation makes me lose all trust in him. I know I'm not the target, but it doesn't change the fact that he's trying to run the game behind my back. It's not going to work, sir. It won't.

Ok... I'm angry, but I'm going to have to control that anger and turn it into making the best decision for my game and that will be to work with Matt and Sharky till the end.

Brace yourself this is going to be a LONG ONE. So last night I basically went to Anna and tried to save my ass because I really haven't been sure how genuine our alliance was because of our history together. She basically kept saying she was in a tough spot and this and that and so I outright asked her if she was considering voting for me. And she was like absolutely not. Which is such a relief. HOWEVER! She confesses that Nathan has created a secret plan to vote out Matt. He specifically told everyone not to tell me and Brian about it. EXCUSE ME? Aren't we in an alliance dude? So thats really pisses me off. But supposedly they have the majority for this plan. So that means I don't have to worry about myself as much. But I don't want Matt to go. Especially after this proved that he's one of the only ones I trust. So I'm thinking out of 9 votes we have 3 we can maybe use the steal a vote or something to try and get a majority. CUT TO THIS MORNING. I tell Brian about this secret plan and Brian tells me Matt has a freakin idol!!! So now we can use his idol and even if there are 5 votes left Matt/Brian/Myself control that vote then. Now the tough part...I need the vote to stay on Keaton because if it goes to anybody else Anna is going to think I screwed her over. And I promised her that her telling me wouldn't bite her in the ass. I also need this to stay TOP SECRET because if anyone finds out I leaked the plan they are going to come after me and I love Matt but I don't want to destroy my game to save him. So we need to have Matt use his idol and all 3 of us need to vote for Keaton.

God these people. I am VERY sure I am getting votes tonight and it's ok. Why? Cause I have an idol fuck these cunts. If not the WOOO love a minority!

i'm playing a super dangerous game right now but it's ok hopefully it works out we're here for the messy bitch game play right and i also just like play better in chaos so let's keep it that way once the game gets boring people will think of me.

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Y'all I'm feeling real shitty about this week. I still feel super in danger. i feel like everyone is lying to my face. But I'm also worried for Matt. Luckily he has an idol so he'll be safe but the fact that he's catching votes at all is concerning. I hope it's Keaton going out but you just truly never know. This could be my time.

So it seems Matt might be an option for the vote but the questions I have are: Do I trust Matt enough to tell him he’s getting votes? Am I willing to make an early move? How will this will effect me moving forward? And when thinking between Keaton and Matt... I think I know my decision…

The shit hit the fan. Somehow Nick knows the hidden real plan that it was going to be Matt tonight. Keaton keeps lying to Bryce that he’s doing Sharky but Bryce is the number we have to have majority over Matt. Keaton is being sketchy kinda. Hopefully the plan goes according and Matt goes because last time he was doing a witch hunt for those 2 votes. Im going to be drinking at tribal tonight. Shit is too stressful.

Keaton is idoled out in a 6-3 vote.

#episode #allmadhere

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