#that patient needed to spend those two years building up to be ready to explore her emotions

[giftedpoison]

My therapist essentially saying a past patient wasted two years of her time on therapy because it took her two years to be ready to feel and listen to her emotions.

Me: hahahaha what the fuck

[vinylhazza]

For Keeps (G.D)

Summary: Jesse knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to say it, or rather demand it. Grayson, who carries respect and dignity like a shield of armor, walks the line of being the vanilla boyfriend he always thought she’d want, or the guy that listens to the devil on his shoulder and embellishes on the fantasies that won’t leave him alone every night. There is a first for everything, a time and place to try something -- or some one new. There is a chance to set the fire in motion. He might just take it.

Word Count: 4.9k

Warning: Strong sexual content, giving head, fingering, spitting, explicit language 

          There is a first for everything.

          The first time you ride a bike, the first time you try your favorite food, the first time you win an award, the first time you hear your favorite song, the first time you talk to the person you’re meant to spend the rest of forever with, the first time you overcome your worst fear, the first time you read your favorite book, the first time you travel to a different country, the first time you have thoughts that should damn you for eternity and for some...there is even a first time for eating pussy.

         It’s an embarrassment he’d never wanted anyone to discover let alone put to the test. Sure his friends had their time to talk about their extensive knowledge on female anatomy, but whenever the topic of him and Jesse doing anything outside the box he himself had placed them in, his lips were sealed. For one thing it wasn’t their business, for two he’s not entirely sure what he would say. He knew the time would come. He didn’t view their relationship like a race and he knew Jesse didn’t either. They’d been friends for too long and knew each other too well for him to base their relationship off of sex. 

       Grayson keeps his eyes glued to his hands holding Jesse’s hips tight -- unsure of what to do now that he’s got her beneath him and wanting him to have his way with her. He knows what he wants, but doubts that he has the courage to pursue it within him. He’d watch her with careful eyes as she peeled off each article of clothing before pulling him close by his belt loop and on to the bed to kiss her rough busy day away. A picnic was nice, but his complete and undivided attention was better. Even if his eyes trailing up and down every part of her body made her nervous. 

          He’d done plenty of things with his ex before Jesse, but none of those things had involved his lips and tongue anywhere beneath the waist. Not anything like he’s inevitably about to do. 

         “Cat caught your tongue?” Jesse had snickered minutes ago, a sly smirk lacing up her ruby red lips from so much kissing -- moment’s before he’d gotten them both all hot and bothered. He couldn’t help it when he was with her, his self control falters and he’s drunk off her touch once again, swimming in a pool of despair he can’t control. All he can think about is her. Wanting her. Needing her. Touching every single inch of her velvety skin. Wanting to do things to her. Wanting her to do things to him. Things he would blush at in the future.

         Jesse was a woman with desires he’d only dreamed of women having. She was shy at times but the devil danced in her bright eyes. Grayson knew she wanted things she’d never had the guts to say out loud and things she only wanted from him alone. It all made him a fierce kind of nervous, but gave him an electrified thrill. A challenge for him to explore the workings of her body and all the ways he can make her more satisfied than she’s ever been. He didn’t plan on letting her go anytime soon - and if he wanted to do her right, he had to go outside of his comfort zone for her.

         Knowing Jesse was more experienced did things to him that he couldn’t begin to hide -- but more than anything it made him jealous of every set of hands that had ever touched her skin before his. It made him reckless and competitive, focused and haughty. He was better than them, he could be better than them.

         He could rapture her into a whirlwind of pleasure that would ruin her image of every man except him, wanting no one's mouth but his, daydream of no one’s lips but his own, beg for no one else’s touch, want no one else’s hands but the ones holding her now. It wasn’t about him, this wasn’t about his pleasure for once, it was truly all about her. 

         Pulling him back into the flames, he’s burning up under her intense stare, waiting for him to do something, do anything. Anything but watch her long enough to find something less than stellar, less than grand, less than exceptional. With her fears unfolding she pulls him down for a kiss of her own, a soft feather of a thing he can feel all the way to his toes. She’d always been good at that, giving  him more to miss when she’s away. The way she hugs him close is one of those things.

         Grayson fell hard into love—which wasn’t particularly unusual for the hopeless romantic he was, but he always knew Jesse was set apart from the seasonal heartthrobs. He was truly bewitched by her creativity, wanderlust, unapologetic confidence, patience, and beauty.

         An enchantress she was, beautiful beyond anything he could ever deserve. Drop dead gorgeous with the personality to match, there wasn’t a head that didn’t turn when she walked into a room, not a man that didn’t fumble over their words at any opportunity to talk to her, not a woman who didn’t want to be her friend. Sure her beauty was undeniable, but her benevolent heart beat it all.

         He may never know why Jesse had leaned in to kiss him seven months ago save for three days in a hidden corner in Café Verona -- a quaint treasure he’d always hold dear to his heart. Fairy lights criss-crossed along the ceiling, soft Jazz waltzing with the beat of his heart, emerald green leather bench pressing into his thighs. But he’s glad she did. He’s glad she leaned in to kiss him when he’d been building up the nerve for weeks. So afraid to go there but more afraid of not knowing what would happen if he didn’t. He’s glad she took his chin in between her fingers to hold him still enough to feel her lips press to his securely, a warmth swarming in his chest where the heart shaped hole once was.

          If he flipped through the pages of his memory, he would remember a statue-like stillness about him before he sunk into her touch, caging her head in his large careful hands. Feeling the gasp she tried to hide, the smell of grapefruit shampoo and the way her flushed cheeks felt under his stroking thumbs. He would see himself fall into her, around her and through her, off the edge of the rocky cliff and into the dark blissful deep of nothing but her.

          He’d be eternally grateful she looked at him with utmost sincerity and whispered with a raw kind of intensity that he’d “driven her mad you see” -- and he’d heard it then, the brittleness of her voice because fear rattles her to the core, and she had been scared out of her mind. A crack that tracked through her careful confession and to the root of him. Jesse was scared of what he meant, what he was in terms of her heart, what he could be if she continued to kiss him the way she was.

          In that quiet moment he remembered what made her so deeply rooted in his heart: the laugh that rattled him, the soft smell of peaches and vanilla, the way she never drives without sunglasses because her mom who passed away much too early did the same, the dance she does when she finally eats the first bite of food after damn near breaking the world in half in hanger, the way she punches the roof of her car after making it through a yellow light because her best friend in high school did the same, the way she always turns her spoon upside down when eating ice cream, and the way she always has answers for everything no matter what topic, even the way she laughs entirely too hard at Family Feud. 

         For that reason alone he waited for the physical parts to come when they may. It was new and exciting sure, and he’d always loved her heart of course, but her body was uncharted territory. He was patient, yes. A gentleman guarding some assumed virtue, even if he knew better than to think she was anything but a seductress. Patient enough to tell her no when she’s had one too many drinks and not enough discipline. They’d been friends before anything else - the best of friends with a foundation of trust. He’s spent years trying to gain that trust and he vowed to keep it.

          Of course he could have been that guy on many occasions: possessive, selfish, greedy and crude. He could have played his cards and dealt his dirty hand at the wrong moment and still pulled out ahead. I mean hell, how often do guys get out of the friend-zone? But he wasn’t that guy. No matter the relationship status — they weren’t ready.

         They hadn’t been ready to cross that carefully drawn line in the sand, not until now. With the strawberry White Barn candle burning in the corner on the cluttered desk one could expect from a college student and a half full can of Arizona tea on the night stand...her face lit with a mystical kind of magic he’d only ever seen the day she leaned back after their first official kiss. 

         “Hold my hair.”

         Grayson found the words slipping off his tongue easier than they’d come all night. All he’s planned on was a simple date in the park that was tucked away and secluded from all the people that could interrupt, he’d even brought her favorite book and laid back on a soft patch of grass to listen to her melodic voice read to him. He’d planned to come back and share a peck or two while watching a new episode of Daredevil and holding her through the night. She’d had a long day full of texts to him, trying to get him to give her the okay to walk out of her low-paying job and not look back. He never planned on laying her down on his bed and caressing every inch of her skin until he was finally delving into a place he’d never been quite like this.

          He was nervous but he could do anything, be anything with her hand in his hair and her kind eyes watching him defile her. He just knew from this moment on he would have a reputation to uphold, as cocky as it sounded. He had to prove he wasn’t as lost as he felt. He felt like a virgin all over again, like he was doing something raw and real and scary. A secret only the wrinkled sheets would remind him of later.

          Her touch, her soothing him through something that frightened him has always been a crutch for him to lean on. When he got in a fight with his brother, she was there to comb through his hair and talk him through the proper apology, when he decided to change majors and had a breakdown so crippling he couldn’t breathe she rocked him through it until his breath was even once again, when he wrecked his new car on the way home from a party he never should have been at she was right there to give him a kiss on the cheek and help him call the insurance company and his erratic mother who loved her like a daughter. She led him through the rough parts of life and then some.

           He never imagined she would be leading him through something so sensual, but he needed her bringing him back to earth all the same.

          Jesse obliged with a grin of her own, feeling him shuffle down to trail a string of kisses across her torso and down to the base of her need and desire. The fireball of want burned in her stomach, turning her rational thoughts brown and charred. He was good at that, making her need him fiercely. She’d never wanted anyone so much, and even if she thinks back to past flings - she’d never been satisfied like she was with Grayson, and they’d done much less.

         “What are you thinking?” Jesse wonders, distracted by his soft supple lips and his nibbling at her hip, but wanting to hear the inner workings of his brain. Her fingers fidget, wanting to push him by his brown mop of hair down lower - just to feel him at last. She needed this distraction, she just needed his help to forget. Not that she hadn’t been waiting for months for this exact moment, there was just urgency in the way she’s stripped herself bare before him. 

          She almost expects him to wait for her direction, but jerks against him when he takes the lead all on his own. How could he not with her as his complete mercy, giving him the fuck me eyes and twisting a lock if hair around her finger? 

          Grayson thinks on that as he trails his mouth down, down, down to slick his tongue up the base of her, smirking to himself when she wiggles against him. “I’m thinking that I like you this way.”

          The contact was a shock to her nervous system and a promise of what was soon to come if she kept tempting him the way she was. She was a heathen with angel eyes. Someone infatuated with his innocence (at least he was more innocent than she) and curiosity to learn every curve and dip of her body. He made her feel powerful, unstoppable, undeniable. She craved it as much as he craved her own lips tracking across his skin - in the heat of the moment or in the still of the night.

          “Naked you mean?” She laughs then, trying to keep herself at least somewhat under control now that he’s grown some balls and taken the first step. She’s shocked momentarily that she didn’t have to practically order him into touching her.

           She grips her breasts at another bold swipe of his tongue. Rolling her hardened nipples between her fingers and tensing at the sparks flying up her center. The feeling of him spreading her open, blowing against her throbbing clit is almost too much to bear. Jesse curses then, a soft “fuck” she tries to reel back before he gets too big of a head. She knows it fell on eager ears when he delivers another bold stripe of his tongue up her center -- slow and deliberate. 

           “Unguarded,” he finally grumbles, rubbing away the goosebumps that pepper her thighs. She thinks for a moment that she could gave turned off the ceiling fan circling over top of them, but feared she might burn up if it wasn’t for the white blades blowing on her crown of hair going every which way on the pillow. 

          She ignores how right he is - that she’s never been this vulnerable with him before, but instead rolls her eyelids shut to feel him really delve into her - opening his mouth and pressing his tongue to her flat. This is just what she needed, her favorite person trying something new and succeeding at it. 

            For someone that’s never given head, he was pulling it off. He was going to ruin her.

           Glancing down at the yellow glow of the lamp illuminating the right side of his face, Jesse curled her fingers into his plush head of hair once again, somewhere between heaven and hell with no real knowledge of the difference.

           She moans at his lips wrapping around her, the suction to her lower region and the way his thumbs dig into her skin to hold her in place. No running this time, she had no choice but to feel it all. This is what she wanted right? 

          “This feel okay?” he teases, tentatively trailing the tip of his tongue around the place she wanted most. He loved to see her eyes alight with that devilish incomprehensible lust. He was truly winging it, doing anything he’d heard from friends or watched himself late at night, anything to further her soft pants and moans tumbling out of her O shaped mouth. She was too good to be true and felt like one lucky bastard. 

           Nodding down to him she groans, wanting him latched to her. “M-more than okay just keep going.”

          He never knew it could feel so pleasurable to be the giver and not the receiver nine times out of ten. He didn’t know how selfish he’d been and the opportunities he'd missed to feel compliant and...obedient. He liked it. He loved it. He loved the position he was in - her looking down at him like the goddess she was and always had been, him crouching down at the end of the bed to devour her in the best way he could, his hair disheveled, eyes dark with hunger, hands gripping her tight.

          He lets instinct take the wheel, peppering kisses to her clit and bringing his own  hand down to slip in a finger to add extra stimulation - pleased when Jesse releases another string of curses. Fowl language huh? Wonder what she’d do if he stopped-

          “You’re such a dick-“ she tugs at his roots, rolling her hips into his mouth that savors  her now, lips slick with her wetness. She tasted good, he’d concluded. It wasn’t anything like what he imagined it would be, no, it was better. It felt better than all of the horror stories he’d made up in his head. He’s sure if he wanted to - he could stay right down between her legs for hours -- until his lips were sore and his tongue tired. Stopping wasn’t an option. Not when she’s been waiting so long, fantasized too often. She huffs out again “Thought you’ve never done this before.”

            That must be a good sign, right?

           “Never,” he slurps at her, shaking his head and groaning into her core. He felt the slickness of her on his cheeks now. Bowing down to eat her out was harder than it looked, especially with back problems as it was. 

            Focused and drunk on Jesse’s gentle hip thrust into his mouth he hugs her thighs and stands upright, just off the edge of the bed, bringing her lower half up in the air with him. He can feel her trembling now, wide eyes gleaming at him with surprise and delight at the new and better position.

            She was losing it. She’d had him compliant at first, her soft-hearted boyfriend trying something new...but damn he was tugging the ropes from between her fingers and leading her to a path less traveled. Quick learner he was.

           “Grayson put me down! Have you lost your mind?” Jesse squealed, grinning at his closed eyes and moving lips, deaf to her antics. She was expected something quick, maybe even simple, but him switching up positions was not in the game plan as great as it was. 

           She could see it now, the guy that was always hiding just beneath the surface. She could see how her sounds urged him on and made him try harder. She could see his arms shaking from the weight of her legs and the effort it took to hold her pussy as close to him as he could. She could feel the heavy breath fanning out across her pelvis from his nose. She could feel the tickle of his hair dangling down and whispering across the skin of her stomach. She could feel that same ball of fire seated in her stomach slip lower and lower with each passing second - until the words that fell out of her mouth were nothing but strings of profanity would make a sinner blush.

             It was going to sear her in half, that fucking ball of fire. Hot lava stirring up a flood she couldn’t stop. It was splitting her in half just as his digits were now, pumping into her hard and fast, curling at his knuckles. His rings gleam from the yellow lamp-light and shock her when they touch her dewy skin. She had lost all sense of control.

            Hearing his own moans, hearing how desperate he was to keep eating her pussy and make her feel better than anyone had, got her inching towards the edge. It was a low kind of growl itching at his throat.

            The taste of her blurred his senses, the soft smell of her making his mind spin out of control, the tightening walls of her cunt around his fingers fucking her fast, the light sheen of sweat that glowed in the dim light of his room - he was a madman with no direction but forward. He had to keep going, for stopping would surely break them both. He would love to tease her, but knew if he stopped one more time she would kill him in a heartbeat. 

          “Open your fucking eyes and watch me.” He barked down to her, stopping only for a moment to glare at her. His fingers continued their fast paced in and out, in and out, in and out.

                         He’d figured if he was going to take it all the way, he needed to pull every string. Needed to pull out the nasty daydreams and make them a reality. This is something he would have for keeps. Something he’d want to do over and over, something he couldn’t wait to do again. Something he’d want to remember. 

          Peeling her eyes open she sobbed at the sight of him spitting into her pussy with a smile, staring at her darkly. Light eyes blacked into pits he ruined her through and through. He had to be lying, he just had to be.

          “Fast learner,” Grayson sneers, leaning forward to smear his saliva around her slick folds, arms circling her midsection to hold her close again.

           “ Fuckfuckfuckfuck- keep fu- keep going!” Jesse begs, barely holding on to the light threatening to slip away into the fire burning her up. “Doing so good Gray, so fucking good.”

             She had discovered soon in the relationship and the minimal sexual acts they’d indulged in that Grayson was a man that adored praise. He wanted someone to tell him how good he was doing, even if he already knew it. He wanted someone to look him in the eyes just as she was doing now and watch him succeed. He wanted complete undivided attention, verbal acknowledgment. 

              He sucked at her still, sliding his tongue into her quickly then — remembering someone in a poorly shot amateur porn video did the same to the tatted up blonde he was practically fucking to death, and hoped it would have the same effect on his beautiful princess begging for him to keep going. He kept note while he watched the video, knowing one day he would be standing where he is now relishing in the gold mine that belonged to him. He fucker her with his tongue, humming into her cunt for the added stimulation. 

               Fuck all she was the end of him. “Pretty pussy all wet for me, yeah? Want to cum? Bet you doubt me huh? Thought I wouldn’t do you right…”

               He chucked at the vigorous nodding of her head, the eyes rolling in the back of her head, the hand that leaves his hip to pull at her own hair. Her eyes squeezing shut in panic now that she feels the tip of the iceberg coming up fast. 

               “Don’t even know how crazy you drive me, how long I’ve wanted to do this to you.”

               Hearing him admit it only made her thighs quiver against his strong arms, only made her want more, made her creep dangerously close to the edge she was for once in her life afraid to fall off of. The crash into the sea would be the biggest shock she’s ever had. Jesse tried to focus on her breathing, trading the heaving for squealing when he dipped his tongue in her entrance to give her something to fantasize about. She’d never had someone tongue fuck her, let alone stair into her soul while they did it. 

              Fuck he was good. Too fucking good.

             “Baby you have t-to slow down,” she warns, the big splash terrifying and so close. He was a wicked man for doing just the opposite, spreading her legs wider and shaking his head against her again, eyes squeezed shut like he knew what would happen in only a few seconds.

               “Grayson step back,” she tried to warn more firmly, afraid of the unfamiliar feeling of something new about to happen, embarrassed already but too worked up to stop it. “Shit - Grayson step back!”

                And there it was, the strongest orgasm she’d ever had and certainly the wettest. Her release soaked the bed beneath, sheets spotted with her arousal and breath stolen from her lungs. She’s not sure when Grayson had dropped her, or whether her convulsing body wiggled out of his grasp during the black out she’d just had. She was spread on the bed in her own mess, her chest flushed, damp hair stuck to her forehead in waves, vision blurred, eyelids drooping in exhaustion, hand somehow in Graysons.

              He’s there then. He’s everywhere and nowhere all at once, his hand a ghost on her forehead brushing away those tendrils of hair, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles with tender care, his lips smoothing the furrow of her brows. Grayson is lifting her without a word, caging her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck, and smoothing her head against his chest to feel the weight of her there - just to feel the heat of her consume him.

              “Holy fuck,” she breathes, spent. 

              “I hope it wasn’t too much,” he whispers into her hair, hand smoothing over the locks while rocking her around the room, mind racing with every image of what he’d just done and the feeling of complete bliss flooding his body.

                He’s almost worried she fell asleep in his arms until he feels the shaking he can only assume is laughter, before she’s hugging him tighter. “Idiot. I can’t believe you’ve never done that. And I can’t believe I’m this tired. Feel like a rookie.”

               “Guess I passed the test then?”

               “Flying colors.”

                Jesse nuzzles in as far as she can, tucking in her arms against his chest and letting the state of Nirvana wash over her. With a sigh Jesse thinks over the shocking events of her boyfriend being 100% nastier than she’d initially thought — not that she’s complaining.

               She barely remembers Grayson running a bath, or setting her in the steaming tub with a kiss, or waiting for him to strip the bed with a giddiness sitting in his chest at all that they’d done, barely remembers him joining her in the tub and catching soap in the calm of his hand to smith the suds over her post-sex body. That’s the only way she would describe herself in the moment, her skin felt sensitive to the touch, sparks still shooting through her with the feeling of his hands on her.

             What Jesse does remember is laying with Grayson in a bed freshly made, arm draped over his stomach, head resting against his arm, lips peppering kisses against his chest randomly through-out the night. She remembers the feeling of adoration and understanding. What they’d done was both the most foul thing she’d ever done, but also the most liberating and beautiful experience. To lose yourself in another person in such a way that you’re utterly consumed by them was...foreign to the pair laying together in the still of the night.

              Jesse waited until Grayson was softly snoring until she said the only thing she’d never had the guts to tell him in the months they’d been dating. He’d been waiting on it patiently. It was different between friends, but it meant so much more when you don't want to say it to anyone else for the rest of your life. The moment she says it, she can’t ever take it back. Maybe that’s why she chooses the early hours of the morning to lean in and press her lips against his feather soft, blinking back the mist clouding her vision. 

              “Don’t know if you could tell...but I'm kind of in love with you...so just be patient with me please I’m trying for you.”

              Maybe she would get the guts one day to say the words while he’s awake, maybe face to face or with the lights off because she has some kind of comfort in the dark, or maybe it would slip out on accident. In any way that it happens, she hopes he will smile. She hopes that he knows how insanely incandescently happy he makes her each and every day, and how honored she feels that she got to experience another first with him.She hopes he will be comforted that his feelings are 100% reciprocated. She hopes that she gets to see that beautiful  smile he wears on special occasions -- the true smile that he doesn't show too often. For now she presses her lips to his once again, smiling softly as the slow ride and fall of his chest, arm holding her close, the ring she won him out of a shitty machine in the corner of a tattoo shop he’d stopped into on a whim secured on a thin chain around his neck, and the fluttering of his eyelashes while he dreamed. 

[triptuckers]

New In Town (part three) - Kaz Brekker

Request: nope Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader Summary: after hearing an interesting conversation in the pub you work at, you're determined to find out more Warnings:  none Word count: 2.3K A/N: thinking about a video someone sent me on twitter of freddy saying the quote on bottling inej' laugh..... yea <3 enjoy reading! PREVIOUS PART | NEXT PART TAG LIST (all grishaverse fics): @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15@dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha@story-scribbler @romanoffstarkovs@daliareads@meiitanoia @itsnotquimey @sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone @aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 @marlenaisnthappy @brekker-zenik @just-deka @Graceknxwlson @the-very-tired-mess TAG LIST (Kaz Brekker): @mufnasa @janesofia7 @stairscortana @parker-natasha @illicitghosts @brick-by-brick553 add yourself to my tag lists here

When all of the customers have piled out of the pub, and you're cleaning the tables, you can't stop thinking over Jesper and Kaz' conversation.

If only you knew what gang they were part of, you could have easily snuck into their main building. You needed to find out exactly when this party was going to take place, if you wanted to steal the necklace.

You tried to think of any other way to find out the date and location of the party. You hadn't heard any other customers talking about it, so you guessed it was a party reserved only for the elite. And Ketterdam's finest didn't come to a somewhat dirty little pub like the one you work in.

You had to be smart about this. Maybe if Jesper or Kaz came back, you could try to follow them. Find out where they were meeting, what gang they are.

And if that didn't work, you'd just have to find some dirt on them and use it to your advantage. You'd done it countless of times before. Though this was an entirely new city, with new potential targets and clients, you are confident you can pull this off.

You have to, if you ever want to be able to rent a clean room, preferably one not directly above a pub.

But it looks like your luck has decided to abandon you. In the next three days, you don't see Jesper or Kaz in the pub. You even take on extra shifts, claiming you just want to earn more money. When in reality, you are on the lookout for either one of them.

They don't show up. And you have no way of telling if the party already took place or not.

On the fourth night, your gaze is fixed on the door again as you're working. Finally, your coworker steps closer to you.

'Did you like those two that much?' she says.

'Huh?' you say. You'd been so lost in your thoughts you hadn't heard her approach you.

'I'll take that as a yes.' she says. 'That tall one was cute. The other one gave me some creepy vibes.'

'What are you talking about?' you ask her.

'Those two that came by a couple of days ago. You kept hovering by their table, and you've been daydreaming ever since.' she says, smirking at you.

You laugh and shove her away. If only she knew the real reason why you had been hovering around their table. You decide to try if maybe she knows about the party. You doubt it, but there's no knowing unless you try.

'Hey, are there any good parties around here?' you say. 'I've yet to explore Ketterdam's night life.'

'Well, there are some.' she says. 'But most of the fancy ones take place at some merchants house. We'd never get in.'

'Sounds like one hell of a party, then.' you say.

'Oh, they're the best. On nights like those, you can see them all dressed up in their best clothes, jewellery all over the place. It's quite impressive.' she says.

'Hmm.' you hum. You hadn't seen a scene like that, so the party probably hadn't taken place yet.

'The merchants' wives have a new gown for every party.' she says.

'Really?' you say, genuinely surprised that they do. Surely you could spend your money on better things than a gown you'd only wear once.

'Uh-huh, they never wear the same thing twice. The other day, I was in one of those expensive stores to pick up an order for my aunt, and one of them was there. She kept raging on about how her dress wasn't going to be ready in time for a party.' she says.

This gets your full attention. Maybe this was about the party Jesper and Kaz were talking about.

'Was she really mad?' you say, pressing on.

'Furious.' says your coworker. 'She said that if her dress wasn't ready by Tuesday morning, because the party is that night, she'd never come to the store again.'

'Huh, what an attitude.' you say, trying to hide your gratitude for finally finding out the date of the party. All that was left was the location, and which wife exactly would be wearing the priceless necklace. But at least you got one piece of the puzzle.

'You really should have heard her. She kept yelling she couldn't possibly show up to Christensen manor without a new dress.' she says.

'Christensen manor?' you say, hoping you don't sound too curious. But apparently, your coworker loves gossiping way, as she nods eagerly.

'He's one of the richest merchants around. He's the one hosting the party. Rumour goes the ring he always wears is worth so much money, it could buy half of Ketterdam.' she says.

You snort. 'Half of Ketterdam? That seems a little too much.' you say.

'Oh, you'd be surprised.' she says. 'His family is always nearly sinking to the floor with the amount of jewellery they wear. They like to show everyone just how much money they have.'

'Aren't they afraid it gets stolen?' you say.

She shakes her head. 'They have too much security for that. Even the gangs back in the Barrel wouldn't dare to pull off such a daring stunt.' she says.

You smile to yourself. If only she knew at least five gang members were planning exactly that.

The two of you look up when a bell rings, signalling the end of your shift.

'That's my cue.' you say. 'You sure you're gonna be alright out here?'

'I'll manage. Go and get some rest.' she says.

'Alright, goodnight.' you say.

She waves at you as you walk toward the stairs to go to your room. To her, it seemed like you were just gossiping away. Little did your coworker know she'd given you exactly the information you needed. Maybe working at a pub turned out to be useful after all.

So the party would take place on Tuesday night, at Christensen manor. And his wife would most likely be the one to wear the necklace, if they parade around with their riches so much.

All you had to do was make sure you arrive before Jesper and Kaz do. You'd worked your way through more difficult plans, you could handle this.

When you wake up on Tuesday morning, you get dressed quickly and sneak out of the pub without being seen. You're grateful you bought loose pants with a lot of pockets.

You've hidden your gun in your pants, and your knives are strapped around your thighs. You didn't expect there to be an escalation, but you liked to be prepared.

You arrive at the manor, which looks abandoned. There are no lights on yet, but then again it's barely dawn. The reason why you came here so early is so you could inspect the building.

There are at least four different escape routes you can see. But you didn't know if you woud still have access to them when the manor is swarming with drunk party guests. And guard. And, of course, a few disguised gang members.

You pick out a spot in an alley across from the manor, and wait.

When you first stared doing jobs like this one, you didn't have patience at all. It caused you to be sloppy, to make mistakes and miss opportunities. But over the years, you learned that patience is a valuable ally.

You sit in the alley for hours, eating the food you'd brought with you. You're observing the manor, watching as servants come and go in order to prepare the party that would take place later that day.

When the sun starts to go down, the party guests arrive. Your coworker had been right; they're all dressed in expensive looking clothes in the brightest colours. Jewellery shines on their ears, around their necks, on their fingers and wrists.

You're lucky you're patient. Otherwise you would have simply snatched a less valuable necklace. But you had your eyes set on a prize, and you're determined.

When most of the party guests have entered the manor, you sneak closer and enter through the door the servants had used all day. Luckily, there's no one in the room you enter.

All you have to do is follow the music to the main area, and find the merchant's wife. Easy.

You make your way through the hallways, occasionally stopping to take cover when you hear someone approaching. Finally, you make it to the room where the music is the loudest.

People are laughing, drinking and dancing. You'd love to be part of that life some day. To just spend your days dancing with your friends, playing dress up. But that kind of life would have to wait.

You scan the room from where you are standing, and spot a couple dancing in the middle of the room.

They're dressed in colours so bright they seem to light up the room. The woman is nearly entirely covered in shining gemstones. And on her chest rests a heavy necklace, a large diamond dangling from it.

You look around the room, but don't spot Jesper or Kaz. They aren't here yet, or you just hadn't seen them. You had to be careful. They knew what you looked like. And as soon as they caught sight of you, you didn't doubt they would tell their companions.

Behind you, a servant approaches with a tray laden with glasses of wine. You smile and walk up to him.

'I'll take it from here, Christensen said you could take a break.' you say, holding your hands out to take over the tray.

It surprises you how easily he hands it over to you. Was working at a party really that bad you'd take the first change of getting a break you got?

You don't have time to question it. You have to move quickly if you want to be out before the gang members arrive.

You manoeuvre your way through the crowd, and most people don't even seem to notice you're not wearing a servant's uniform. Maybe they're too drunk to notice. Or maybe they just don't care.

After spotting Christensen and his wife again, you make your way toward them. The music stops just about the same time as you reach them.

Before the next song starts, you make yourself trip, spilling wine all over Christensen's wife.

She lets out a yelp of surprise when the red liquid stains her dress. She furiously turns at you and you're quick to put on a shocked face.

'I am so sorry, my lady.' you say. 'I tripped, oh Saints, I'm so sorry.'

'Watch where you're going!' she says. 'You ruined my dress.'

'I'm sorry, I'll help you clean it up.' you say.

'You better.' says the merchant, Christensen, as he roughly takes a hold of your arm and pushes you to follow his wife out of the room.

You keep your eyes down as you follow her through the halls. She opens door after door, muttering to herself about useless servants. She stops when you've entered a bedroom.

She opens another door to reveal a bathroom. When she sees her dress in the mirror, she glares at you.

'I haven't seen you here before.' she says.

'I'm new.' you say, keeping your eyes on the floor.

'New and clumsy.' she says. 'Wait here while I change.'

She takes off her jewellery and shoes before disappearing in the bathroom, closing the door. You don't know how much time you have, so you move quickly.

You grab a hold of the necklace and shove it into one of your coat pockets. You're debating wether or not you can go back the same way you got here, but then you hear footsteps approaching.

You whirl around, and spot a window. You could climb down and get as far away from the manor as possible.

With three big steps, you make it to the window and open it. You carefully climb through the window and being to work your way down to the street.

Just when your feet hit the ground, you hear the merchant's wife scream.

'Thief!' she screams. 'I've been robbed!'

You smile as you start jogging toward the street, to go back to the pub. When you round the corner of the manor, you see a few people making their way toward it.

Two guards and three people dressed as elaborately as the other guests. For a split second, you wonder why three guests would be accompanied by two guards, but then you remember Jesper and Kaz' hushed conversation.

A grin starts to spread across your face. You'd been fast enough. They'd go in only to discover there was no necklace to steal.

You walk across the street, keeping your head down. In the distance, you hear the woman still screaming. She had made it to the main party room.

'My necklace!' she yells. 'That damned servant took it! Find her!'

You see the small group of people outside the manor stop, and turn to each other. You can tell they're confused as they talk to one another. Probably wondering what the odds were someone else would steal the necklace they had their eyes on.

They're all looking at each other, except for Kaz. You can see even more clearly now he's the leader. Instead of looking at his companions, he's suspiciously looking around, his eyes scanning the dark streets around the manor.

You smile to yourself and disappear into the shadows. If you had it your way, he'd never find out you'd outsmarted him.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit

[shallowgravesrp]

“And she can’t stop and she won’t stop.”

Alice Fortescue

Age: Twenty-Two

House: Gryffindor

Affiliation: Order

Career: Auror

aesthetics: the golden hour dousing buildings in fire,  ivy vines growing on stone walls,  a tempest on the verge of chaos, sunflowers, scraped knees hidden by dresses, laughter echoing in the halls, petrichor, stormy days and a cup of tea, alcohol lingering on lips, secrets kisses, brown curls messily tied in ribbons, plant mom, bruised knuckles, silver tongued swears, the ocean breeze, oversized sweaters and stolen shirts, right hook, blistering wind, snow covered mountains, log cabins, waves crashing against the sand, roaring fire, battle cries, ice cream sundays.

what we all know: This girl has been fighting for years to break through the glass ceilings constantly pushing her down. Having always been the one to fight for the underdog, Alice rather obviously left Hogwarts and went straight to the Ministry in order to be an Auror. With a hit first, ask questions later attitude, it begs the question whether she’s actually impressing those around or just pushing them to the point where they don’t even care anymore. One thing is clear, she’s got Frank Longbottom wrapped around her finger, as shown by the shiny ring she has and the impending date of their upcoming nuptials.

A storm raged upon the shores of England the day Alice Fortescue was born and that storm now rages inside her bursting with chaotic and powerful potential. She screamed out a battle cry the moment she took a breath and her parents wondered what she was going to be like when was older. She was an only child who thrived on her parents’ affection, while they rarely scolded her(mostly because they knew she wouldn’t listen), she always wanted to make them proud.  An adventurous child she hardly ever sat still, like a storm she rushed about, constantly exploring her family’s estate, unruly brown curls in bows and wearing frilly dresses. She was a sight to behold in the trees, on the roof, wading through mud. Small hands picked up twigs, a wand until she got her own, but until then she copied those around her, her wand would always be an extension of herself.  She was curious almost to fault and got herself in a few strange situations more often than not, to which her parents left her to figure her way out of it, instilling independence in her.  Her mother was patient in accepting of her daughter, while most pureblood mothers were primping and preening their daughters for marriage Alice’s mother had a different agenda. She tried gave Alice piano lessons, sent to her ballet training, taught her etiquette but when she realized her daughter had a voice as loud as thunder, she gave up and simply encouraged her small daughter to take the world by storm. They spent hours reading books about great adventures, the lesson to fall down and get back up, never let anyone tell her that she had defined role as a lady ingrained into every fiber of her being. Her father agreed with this sentiment filling his daughter’s head with tales of Aurors and their extraordinary feats. Though his family owned Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour his younger  brother was the one to actually take care of it. Alice’s father worked in the Magical Law Enforcement Department and used to take Alice into work with him, the. The small girl would run off to where the Aurors trained and curious eyes watch as the men trained knowing day she too would be there. She had to be an Auror. She’d never could be anything else.

Alice knew she’d go to Hogwarts, she had been anticipating the day since she was small and listened to her father’s stories about the castle. She hopped on that train with confidence exuding from her being, a bright smile on her face, she wasn’t nervous. Hogwarts would be the place where she could hone in on her skills to be an auror, where she would make friends, where adventure was waiting and she was ready to take it and run. Her first moments in that castle infamous. She made herself known, her small voice chastising rude words. She swore up a storm,  pulled some pigtails, and nearly bit a boys arm,  McGongall knew she was going to have her hands full. She was a hatstall, her small legs swung back and forth as the hat deliberated where to put her, she was plenty smart that was true, loyal to fault, but there was an ambition about her, she is not one to give up easily and yet….yet….while ambitious she’d never push others to get what she wanted, determined, slightly reckless and brave the hat finally placed her in Gryffindor, a balancing move, a girl with as ambitious a heart as hers would only thrive in Gryffindor, and push others to thrive along with her. Alice was small but fierce. She would stand up to those twice her size, an avenger, a defender of Hogwarts. It was then she started hearing whispers of another one, a boy calm as the sea after a storm, Frank Longbottom. She was determined they should never meet though, it was the rules of fate she decided. Two ships passing in the night, but never meeting. But they did. He grabbed her hand pulling her away and she protested, profanities leaving her mouth.  But when she looked at him a wave of something she’ll never be able to describe washed over her. He was such the opposite of herself, calm, soft, everything she wasn’t. And she resisted at first but he cracked down a wall and it was the two of them from then on.

Alice is a fighter, she’s calculating when she needs to be but she’s more impulsive than anything. She is plenty smart, excelling at Hogwarts. Her best class is Defense Against the Dark Arts with Herbology coming in a close second,(she knows 10 different ways to kill you with plants but also knows how to heal you with said plants). She’s a scrappy fighter, silver tongue insults always falling from her lips, always taunting her opponents. Summers for her were spent in her garden studying her plants, and practicing with her father, reading about different Aurors and wars, learning from the past. She did spend a huge amount of time with her Uncle in his shop helping too. Despite her chaotic nature, and knack for arguing with teachers Alice kept up her grades because it was how she was going to become an Auror will come true. And it did.

Becoming an Auror was the only acceptable choice for Alice. She had no doubts about it. Alice has this need to protect others, so much so she’d rather through herself in harm’s way. But with Frank by her side it is a balancing act that makes them a rising force in the auror department. But just because she’s good at what she does it has never meant that working in the department has come easy. There are those that respect her but there are those that see her as just playing games. It infuriates her and it makes her more chaotic then usual. While Alice is beyond excited to being marrying Frank the comments that circulate about him, the insults that are spoken behind her back, it’s taking a toll on her. The war is always looming in her mind and she could never just sit idly by. Joining the Order was the only thing she could do, if only to protect those she loves most. And Alice has always been willing to do whatever it takes to protect those around, no matter the costs.

FRANK LONGBOTTOM - Alice never thought that love would’ve been something she had, but then Frank came into her life. He took her had and kept her from trouble, and they’ve bee together since then. The idea of getting married terrifies her, but knowing Frank is going to be the one waiting for her makes it all worth it. 

CHARITY BURBAGE - She’s known Charity since they were children, and Alice adores the younger girl. She’s sweet, but has a bit of a firey side to her as well. Alice can’t wait to see what the girl will do with her future. 

BELLATRIX BLACK - Bellatrix has always been someone Alice has fought with. They never agreed and were polar opposites in every way. There is a small part of Alice that hopes her current status might knock her down a couple notches and maybe she wouldn’t be so terrible.  

Alice Fortescue is currently a CLOSED role with the faceclaim of Zendaya. She is played by Cordelia. 

[chaoswillfallrpg]

MOLLY PREWETT is TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS OLD and the JUNIOR UNDERSECRETARY to THE MINISTER FOR MAGIC at THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC. She looks remarkably like LILLY DREESEN considers herself aligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. She is currently OPEN.

→ OVERVIEW:

The Prewett House is an established name in the wizarding community and this comes with high expectations and status. LUELLA married ADGER PREWETT when they were only twenty-one and soon after, the nurturing and kind Molly Prewett was adopted. The Prewett Estate contained a modest but elaborate mansion, a small garden and a quaint greenhouse. Adger Prewett worked in the ministry as the captain of the accidental magic reversal squad whilst Luella Prewett ran a healer shop in Diagon Alley. Molly grew up lavishly, and even when her mother gave birth to twins, a gene that seemed to run through the Prewett family as Adger had a twin himself, there was enough wealth to go around. Being part of The Sacred Twenty-Eight, the Prewetts were often invited to grand parties hosted by the House of Black, which Adger and Luella politely accepted. This often left Molly at home to care for her younger brothers, FABIAN and GIDEON which she did not mind at all as her brothers had become her best friends and found herself to be quite nurturing. As they all got older, they were soon invited to attend such events at their parent’s side and met many other prestigious houses along with their heirs, such as EVAN ROSIER and MARIANNE MACMILLAN. At first, Molly was shy and retracted, she wasn’t used to unfamiliar faces and she couldn’t read others as well as she could read her brothers, she wasn’t sure what was expected of her. Soon, however, thanks to the kindness of her new friends, she opened up and discovered that many of them were either going to be attending Hogwarts or had already completed their first year. 

Knowing that there would be familiar faces when she would attend Hogwarts eased her nerves as the summer came to an end and her first day at Hogwarts grew nearer. She had become very comfortable in the Prewett Mansion, she knew every nook and cranny, she knew when her brothers were lying or when they were up to no good. She was used to falling asleep to the Tales of Beedle and Bard and waking up to the sunlight streaming into her cosy room. She wasn’t ready to leave that all behind to move into an old castle, a new room and to be surrounded by an ocean of people that she didn’t know at all. However, as much as this scared her, she couldn’t help but also feel enticed by the idea. A chance to really learn how to use her magic, a chance to explore who she really was without having to worry about what her brothers were getting up too and a chance to build greater connections with her new friends. Molly was soon sorted into Hufflepuff House and was greeted with open arms by the rest of her house, becoming best friends with fellow Hufflepuffs, NATAN DIGGORY and AYA FAWCETT. She grew to love Hogwarts and studied hard, her best subjects being charms and herbology, which was mostly due to her mother’s childhood teaching of different medicinal herbs and magical plants. This, however, did not stop her from knowing how to party, especially when her mischievous brothers were the ones hosting. As she grew older she surrounded herself with people she was proud to call her friends. Molly settled into quite a large friendship group consisting of a gaggle of Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and fellow Hufflepuffs. 

Molly was the mum friend, constantly trying to bake and cure her friend’s hangovers as they lovingly accepted to tried to bat her away. It was through this group and sly introduction from her best friend, she met Aya’s childhood friend ARTHUR WEASLEY. A funny boy who liked Muggle things, Molly became quite taken with him and the pair quickly began dating, becoming quite the item in their little group of friends. Little did Molly know that these connections she formed would last so much longer than Hogwarts and grow into friendships she couldn’t have even imagined. After Hogwarts, Molly had grown into a very talented and confident witch, a very different person compared to her younger shy self. She didn’t really have a career plan in mind, she dabbled in the idea of taking over the healer shop from her mother one day as that was her summer job and she adored helping others and listening to the mystical and sometimes horrific stories of how her patients had obtained their injuries. However, Molly began to crave more, help more, and to be more. Arthur suggested she worked in the ministry and when the position for junior undersecretary to the Minister for Magic, MILLICENT BAGNOLD opened, she pounced at the opportunity. After an interview and an intensive aptitude test, Molly was awarded the position. She was extremely excited about the opportunity and took the job very seriously. She began to work closely under THIEBAUT LESTRANGE, who was her lovely yet stern mentor. The position allowed Molly to sit in many official ministry meetings and attend multiple VIP ministry events. 

Her work consumed her and she really enjoyed it, she loved being part of something bigger that had the power to change the wizarding world into something better, a safer and inclusive place for all. Molly knew that not everyone shared her perspective, but she instantly bonded with those that did. As the years passed, the shadows within the Ministry seemed to grow darker and the cracks in the shimmering marble only seemed to deepen. The meetings that Molly attended adopted a sombre tone as reports of mysterious killings gradually increased and pressure was placed on the ministry to take greater action. The dark circles under Thiebaut’s eyes indicated how weary the powerful man had become and Molly couldn’t imagine how the Minister must have felt. Press conferences took negative turns out of nowhere and gossips such as RITA SKEETER seemed to find their way into the ministry like an annoying leak during a storm. Molly felt the pressure herself and was loaded with more and more paperwork, Thiebaut often handing off his own work onto Molly so that he could handle more pressing issues. Molly didn’t mind this at all and knew that if she hoped to be the senior undersecretary someday she’d need to learn how to cope with it all. Her work life put pressure on her home life and she began to lose contact with her brothers and parents. She stopped attending family dinners and the famous Fabian-Gideon parties at the Prewett mansion, she politely declined dinner invitations and after-work martinis. 

Her close friends constantly checked up on her, either bringing her a fresh cup of coffee or insisting on having lunch. If it weren’t for Arthur, who was stubbornly supportive and insisted on breaks, she would have probably burnt herself out. Molly was ambitious and dedicated and had given her all to the job. She still strongly believed in the current ministry staff and her own vision of creating a better world for all. Her relationship with Arthur was one of the only constants in her life and she adored him with her whole heart. When he proposed she accepted without hesitation. Her life felt washed anew, and although she knew she’d spend the rest of her life with Arthur, she was ready to start this new stage of life with him. However, not everyone was as supportive of their engagement. Whilst Fabian and Gideon were ecstatic, her parents were not. They had tolerated her fantasy of being in a relationship with someone from a blood traitor family but had hoped she’d find enlightenment and move on. The engagement was a step too far, and it was promptly announced that she was no longer their daughter. Molly didn’t know if they acted out of anger or if her decision had truly made them lose love for her, but she was too proud and sure of herself to beg them to change their mind. The two took out a loan from Gringott’s and purchased a plot of land in the countryside with a single, small Tudor homestead located just off the banks of a picturesque river. She adored it and couldn’t help envision what a family would look like growing up there. The home was small but they could always add onto it assured Arthur and Molly adored the idea. 

The newly-engaged pair began to host dinner parties in their new home and spent countless nights under the stars enjoying a picnic with friends or stargazing together. Although the attacks got worse and murmurs of a war began to float around and echo through the Ministry, Molly now had a magical place of her own to escape too. It wasn’t until a small dinner party with Fabian, Gideon and their friends LAUREL LINWOOD and TRYSTAN WARRINGTON that Molly had heard about the Order of the Phoenix. Her brothers admitted that they had recently joined and Arthur along with Alice and Frank filled her in with the fact that they too, were part of the order. Molly was taken aback by the information and that her fiance was in a secret society that seemed to be taking the law into its own hands. At first, she felt lied to and betrayed by Arthur, but once they had explained what the order was and who had orchestrated the idea, she found herself more accepting of the concept. She did, however, believe that the ministry was truly doing it’s best and that through their hard work, they were the best chance the wizarding community had against fighting a rising dark wizard and preventing a chaotic war. She politely declined their request to join the Order but agreed to keep an eye and ear out for any information that could keep Arthur, her brothers and best friends safe. She also vowed to herself that if she caught wind of any corruption within the ministry that she would stop at nothing to get to the bottom of it. Molly Prewett may be kind, nurturing and dedicated but she was also loyal and fierce, a woman to reckon with. 

→ ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Pure-Blood

Pronouns → She/Her

Identification → Cis Female 

Sexuality  → Up to Roleplayer

Relationship Status → Engaged to Arthur Weasley 

Previous Education → Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Hufflepuff)

Societies → TBD

Family → Adger Prewett (father), Luella Prewett (mother), Gideon Prewett (brother), Fabian Prewett (brother)

Connections  → Arthur Weasley (fiancé/best friend), Aya Fawcett (best friend), Natan Diggory (best friend), Mafalda Hopkirk (close friend), Daisy Hookum (close friend), Keira Grey (close friend), Jennifer Vane (close friend), Laurel Linwood (close friend), Trystan Warrington (close friend), Constance Song (close friend), Giva Patil (colleague/friend), Amos Diggory (friend), Natasha DuPont (boss), Millicent Bagnold (boss)

Future Information → Future Member of the Order of the Pheonix, Wife of Arthur Weasley, Mother of William, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ronald and Ginevera Weasley

MOLLY PREWETT IS A LEVEL 7 WITCH.

[aspen-jasper]

Rue in Vesuvia

This is a little bit of lore and pre-death backstory for Rue, mainly for my own reference. The intended LI for this timeline is Asra.

As some folk know already, Rue was one of the Travelling People: a Nomadic culture of uncertain origin who travel the lands to learn, teach, and trade. 

 The Travelling People learn magic very young, as their magical practices are very much entwined with their culture. As such, they tend to grow into talented and versatile Magicians who do not specialise in one branch of magic, but have a strong foundation in all magic. They respect Magicians who specialise as they can learn from Magicians like these, however they view this practice as limiting as their lifestyle demands a more flexible approach to the magical arts - a jack-of-all-trades type Magician can adapt themself to each and every situation and environment.

 The People tend to travel in small groups - many communities find large groups of strangers intimidating, and it is generally safer to travel around with just a chosen few; when two groups of the People cross paths, it is a cause to celebrate! They will party then part ways. Many towns welcome the Travelling People: they bring wisdom; they carry goods and rare ingredients from far off lands; they banish monsters and repair wells and even, sometimes, tell fortunes (just for fun). They never ask for money - this is something that some communities find suspicious, but the Travelling People trade in favours and treasures. You’ll often find in their luggage rare spices, fine fabrics, hand-crafted ornaments, a single ornate teacup given from a fine set (which will be reunited with its brethren the next time its bearer passes through its hometown, in exchange or another fine thing, a practice developed in the friendliest towns to always ensure the People are welcome to return). These goods need not hold monetary value; the People treasure things that are unique, useful, and speak of the places they have been. 

 The People are particularly well known for two things - they have a keen eye for magical potential, and will seek out individuals in each town and village to teach the basics to, so that they may continue their magical learning themselves. The other is that they are unusually skilled at navigating the Magical Realms, many developing strong alliances with the Arcana.

 The People have a way of keeping connected - a magical thread that links them all together, so that they may always find their way back to one another at times when families need to be together - to celebrate, to grieve, to observe sacred holidays, and sometimes just to be held. 

 (Rue lost that connection when they died).

 Rue was a young adult when they travelled alone for the first time - this was not uncommon for young Travelling People to spend a year or so on their own, as a sort of rite of passage. They had a fine, strong horse named Cardamom, Cardi for short, and a humble caravan filled with potted seedlings of rare herbs and other global treasures. Rue enjoyed this time alone, the ability to always speak for themself in new places and really finding their own sense of self along the way. Having always been dragged from tiny safe village to tiny safe village growing up, Rue was keen to explore something a little more colourful and exciting - somewhere like Vesuvia.

 Vesuvia suited Rue like the sky suited stars. This place was a colourful, bustling, metropolitan haven of life. The city was, of course, no place for a horse and caravan, so Rue charmingly befriended a farmer just outside the city, who agreed to care for Cardamom so long as he could use her to help plough the fields. They set the caravan up at the edge of the farm and quite successfully let it out to middle-class couples wanting a mild adventure, not too close to nature but far enough out of the city to feel as though they’ve experienced a bit of wilderness, which brought in enough money to rent a small room near the city centre. Rue loved how anonymous they were here - with such a diverse and colourful population, the locals barely spared a second glance to the 6′3, long-and-curly haired, garishly dressed Magician flouncing around town.

  When Rue arrived in the city, Vesuvia’s world famous Masquerade Ball was only a few weeks away, and Rue was absolutely set on staying long enough to see it for themself. They had learned dancing styles from all over the world growing up, and they were determined to show off their skills while witnessing the spectacle they’d heard talked about everywhere. Rue spent the coming weeks exploring every inch of the city, trading spells and magic tricks for anything they wished to buy, watching the city transform itself ready for the Masquerade. They stayed away from the Coliseum in general, as the hatred radiating from that place was overwhelming, but they found the rest of the city to be just wonderful. They particularly liked the secret markets, and the temporary market stalls that cropped up overnight in the days leading up to the Masquerade, all lining the streets that lead up to that magnificent Palace. Rue wondered what life would be like in such a huge building...certainly a lot more room for potted plants than their little caravan, that’s for sure. (The seedlings were currently taking up most of the shelf and floor space in that tiny rented room).

  Rue was having the time of their life in the days leading up to the party - they were drinking and dancing in rowdy bars, flirting with strangers, cheating at cards (never high stakes, they had some integrity), trading things for nicer things - in all their time on the open road, they’d never felt this free. They even enjoyed the tussle they had with some phoney fortune teller in a booth at one of those temporary markets leading up to the palace. To be fair, this con-artist was impersonating a Travelling Person to pass as a better magician, and their cards had no magic in them whatsoever. They were just pieces of card with somewhat crude drawings on them. 

 It was in the aftermath of that little run-in when Rue saw Asra for the first time.

 He was stood at a table covered by a pretty cloth, the tabletop littered with handmade charms for all sorts of everyday needs. Rue could sense the magic in them; it was genuine and warm, each item having been made with care and sweet intentions. The young man looked a little tired, but seemed happy, as he smiled kindly to his customers and explained patiently what the charms did and how to properly use them. His gentle voice, his fluffy white hair shining in the sun, his expressive hands and confident posture all had Rue staring, quite frozen to the spot, oblivious to the fact that they were still clutching the arm of the furious fake fortune teller in one hand and the velvet curtain ripped from their booth in the other. This, of course, was how Asra saw Rue for the first time - dishevelled, staring, holding a struggling fortune teller’s arm in a vice-like grip and dragging a fine velvet curtain along the ground. They were an absolute vision.

There will be a part two! Detailing Asra and Rue’s pre-plague relationship, stay tuned :) :) :)

[thegreatpikminzx789]

Yggdrasil’s Nexus: Prologue - Chapter 8 (Etrian Odyssey Nexus Fanfiction)

Wattpad|A03

Summary: Three of the five guilds of Koreys arrive at their designated guildhouse, getting a proper look around the place. That, and the highlander spends a bit of time with his family as they look around the place.

Previous Chapter|Next Chapter (Not available yet) Lynus (Mentioned) @theshatteredrose​

There they were. Sitting on the porch of the guild house, waiting for a single sign of their guild members to arrive in the distance. Accompanied only by the sounds of the wind, and the chatter of people off in the distance, their voices carried by the wind.

Korey and Lola were recently ditched by Dezi to get his guild members, but they sat in front of the guild house, waiting for the elderly War Magus to return, or to see if the other guild members would arrive. Minutes have passed since the War Magus left, and there hasn't been a sign of Hilda, or any of the members of Korey's guild. The Highlander had to stretch his arms from leaning against the wall too long, sighing as he took a chair from underneath the nearby table and sat next to Lola.

"I know I'm usually patient, but maybe I should've sent you back to see how the others are doing... Waiting sucks." Korey complained, adjusting his hair so that it doesn't get in his eye.

The Yggdroid beside him  lets out a discontent sigh, with the only thing preoccupying her was one of her shurikens, tracing her metallic fingers on the tabletop before letting go of the shuriken. "I'm sick of waiting... I wanna see the guild house already!" Lola grunts, sitting back on her chair as she leaned her head back to look up at the sky.

Korey has never seen Lola this impatient since that incident back in Armoroad... It was a tough situation for her to go through, and even then, just seeing her bored out of her mind really makes one wish they'd regret their decision of being a robot. Not that he'd find comfort in not being able to sleep or eat, but it was weird to think back to how Yggdroids worked, even before he entered the labyrinth in Armoroad.

The Highlander lets out a sigh, knowing that whatever he might say may irk Lola a bit. "I know, Lola, I know," Korey began, pondering mid-sentence on what he wanted to say next. "I really wanna see my parents again..."

Lola turned her head to face Korey, her attention all on him. "Your...parents?" Lola inquired, finding interest in the sudden subject of Korey's parents. To her, it was something to pass the time with, but in doing so, she gets to know a bit more about her guild leader. A win-win situation for both participants, really.

"They live in Iorys, the place we're heading to next." Korey explained as simple as he can put it into words. He took a couple of seconds afterward pondering to himself, before looking away from Lola, though he couldn't, for the life of him, recollect if they were doing well before his disappearance. Although last he knew, they were alive and well since having married Hilda and having kids, so it wasn't far off to assume they're still waiting for his return...

Sure, it probably worried them, but whatever happened afterward probably wasn't too heartbreaking for them... Then again, Korey kept doubting himself, so he wasn't sure what happened that night in Iorys. With a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself down, he, too, tried to distract himself with scrolling through his journal entries from his recent journey in Tharsis.

"If...I must be honest," Lola commented after a short while, prompting the Highlander to stop and look back at Lola. "I...don't know much about Iorys, or the surrounding lands. Would you explain what it looks like?" She asked, her voice sounding as innocent as a child.

It was strange to hear such a request from Lola, especially when he just recovered from his amnesia. Was it even worth a shot trying to remember the land he grew up in...? The Highlander seemed to hesitate for what felt like forever, with the Yggdroid waiting oh-so-patiently for an answer.

"Well," Korey sighed, closing his journal and putting an arm on it to make sure the wind doesn't blow the book open. "I know that in Arcania, we had two moons. Not sure why or how we can see two moons from that particular part of the Earth, but we did never get an answer to that in the end..." He began, recollecting the strange twin moons the inhabitants of Arcania saw every night.

The Highlander took a quick glance at Lola, seeing her surprised that two moons existed, before seeing her shake off her surprised face. "That's sooooo strange! Did the ocean tides changed due to its influence? Was the gravity any different?!" Lola questioned, throwing Korey back in surprise.

"Whoa, calm down Lola," He exclaimed, telling her to quiet down, eventually responding to her questions after she stopped. "There were mythical rumors about the water reacting differently, but whoever made that rumor back then was likely only doing it for the hell of it."

Lola seemed a bit disappointed hearing what Korey had said. "There was a gravity changing device somewhere in Iorys' labyrinth, but that didn't really involve the moons... Apart from that, nobody really knows why we were only able to see two moons." Korey stopped himself, as if to self-reflect on what he had just spoken aloud.

For all he knew, it probably could've been another planet and the inhabitants of Arcania just labeled it as a moon; no one really knows for sure. Perhaps, if they had found one, a record from the people one thousand years ago; those from the Yggdrasil Project, to discern whether or not the second moon was a planet or not. They were far from Etria, however, and the Midgard Library probably didn't hold such a meaningless record as no such details exist, but perhaps an answer will never be found.

Even so, he was starting to remember key parts about his own homeland... Seemed like part of the pieces of his memories were starting to return to him, little by little. It wasn't much, but that was just enough for Korey; no need for an overwhelming swarm of memories--they'll come back to him when he gets his bearings in the environment he once grew up in.

"I see," Lola groaned, leaning back on her chair. "I had heard countless rumors from people on board the Maginia that Ms. Keiko, Revlis, and Ion were all alien-looking to them." She confessed, taking the shuriken off the table and putting it back in her bag of shurikens.

...He didn't know what to say. Were people really assuming that of his land's species that thrived in Arcania...? Korey almost felt assaulted with how the other humans treated them. Much like Visil was to the Forest Folk, and the Vessels to the humans, understanding sure makes things incredibly difficult for peace to strive anywhere in the world.

If anything...that potentially included his wife, who was a vastly different species than him or any of the inhabitants of Arcania. And they lived somewhere above Iorys' Yggdrasil before that Star Devourer came in and killed every last one of her kind, sans the one Arken that left their Yggdrasil after defeating the bloody monster. Korey couldn't stand for such backtalk behind his, or his wife's back. It was...bringing back terrible memories from when Hilda revealed herself to the general public on accident one day...

"M-Mr. Korey...? Are you...okay?" Lola spoke up, seeing Korey's fist clenched and hearing him growl under his breath. But not before that same expression shifted to one of a conflicted man who has no idea what to do; the same face the Yggdroid has seen at least several times before.

The Highlander heard faint voices that echoed of the confusion and anger about Hilda's Arken appearance. Though they bothered him then, it was something only he himself was quite aware of so well. A long, distant memory that felt so...wrong to bear witness to. Yet, he clung to that memory ever since...

His clenched hand loosened as he noticed the Yggdroid looking at him like a young girl wondering if her dad was alright. He placed a hand on her shoulder, reassuringly.

"I'm fine--just a distant memory, that's all," Korey began. "I can't really blame the other explorers for thinking that the Therian, Celestrian, and Brouni for being different; after all, Hilda came from an alien race who had a faction living near the planet we live on, and everyone in Iorys grew to enjoy her true form in time." He continued, taking a few short breaths afterward as if trying not to linger on the past.

After all, whose to say that the Forest Folk and the Vessels and Sentinels would be alien-like to the people in Iorys? Most of the races he has met has never met face-to-face, so imagining many of these races is quite an opportunity; yet somewhere deep in his heart, he had hoped that the near extinction of the Arken hadn't weighed so hard on him and his wife. Perhaps they could've learned more about being on Earth, growing to accept living life here instead of the stars above...

Alas, that would be a memory no one would be able to build, nor comprehend. That is all on Hilda, now...if she hadn't met Korey and the others...whose to say what would've happened then if she found out the news...

"Sir Korey!"

A familiar voice made the Highlander snap back to reality, seeing a purple-haired Sovereign approach him, along with a man who seemed like he was ready to lie down on the couch whenever possible, and a girl with pink hair and red glasses--her face almost deadpan in its entirety sans for a smile on her face after seeing the brown haired highlander.

"Nice to see you again." Chloe hummed as the highlander stood up and gave the little War Magus a fist bump, looking over at Arianna and Bertrand, the former of the two giving him a smile and a wave.

"Feels like forever since we last met," Bertrand sighed, putting his hand on his hip as he took a glance at the highlander. "Hell, you even gotten your memory back, right behind our backs. Aren't you a sneaky one?"

Korey chuckled nervously. "H-Hey, it's not my fault that I managed to lose my memories in the first place." He started, almost sounding like it was entirely his fault in the matter...if he could ever recall what had happened in the first place that got him into this position.

"Oh relax, will ya? We're just glad you finally managed to remember who you were in the first place." Another voice rang from behind Bertrand as the Protector moved aside as a familiar red haired Protector, a blonde Alchemist, the Fafnir Knight himself, a black haired Survivalist, and Simon and Frederica, the later two were walking slightly ahead of the trio. Seems like Arianna, Chloe and Bertrand just had a headstart when it came to meeting up with him.

The highlander's excitement could barely be contained, slowly but surely being reunited with his guildmates. It was like Christmas all over again, only with more family reunions--something Ayako definitely would blurt out if he was here right now. The group met up with the others not too long after Raquna shook Korey's hand with a gleaming smile on her face.

"Glad to see you again!" Raquna chirped, hardly noticing the Alchemist standing next to her. "Yeah, man--it's been boring without you around..." Arthur concurred, feeling a pat on his shoulder from Simon.

Korey couldn't help but chuckle upon hearing Arthur's enthusiasm on having him again. "I'm so glad to see you all again; it has been quite a while since we last spoke in person." The brown haired highlander hummed, seeing Fafnir and Flavio's reassuring smiles.

"We figured we'd come here first, since everyone else is taking a while to pack all their belongings. And we'd probably be there all day if we just waited for everyone..." Flavio spoke up, explaining why he and Simon's group wend ahead first from everyone else.

"I can't blame them, honestly; some of them had been there longer than we have." Lola concurred. "By my calculations, those of the Therian, Brouni, Celestrian--and by extension, other humans Korey proclaims as Earthlains, have only been here for at least two and a half months." She added, mostly educating a guess as to when Korey's first guild had been on here.

The highlander could only imagine what it must've been hard to leave Iorys like that, with the possibility of him returning home and his guild is off elsewhere searching for him... Though thankfully, the situation never came to pass all thanks to a coincedential run-in with his own son. Who knows what fate would've had in store if things went differently...

"Some of us weren't there as long as your original guild was; but we're glad you're still kicking strong; else we'd be searching for nothing." Fafnir added. Frederica glanced towards the guildhouse, taking a few steps towards it.

"Is this to be the guild house we're staying in?" She inquired, changing the subject to the large building itself.

A nod from Korey seemed to get the message across to the millenium girl. "Unfortunately, our original tour guide decided to dump the responsibility of the tour on me, so without any knowledge on what the inside looks like, I'm not sure what condition this guildhouse is in right now." Korey added, feeling like Dezi still should've at least waited until he did the tour once instead of just following Korey's suggestion that he just so happened to say at the time.

And waiting for everyone was starting to be a bore, even if it only had felt like mere minutes.

"Then I suppose the next choice is simple; we check it out so that the others will have the time to do so themselves." Simon suggested, approaching the door and opening it, before the others walked in behind him. Korey grabbed his journal on the table and placed it back into his backpack, taking it with him as he followed everyone else.

The announcement the highlander wished to make wouldn't take long, and if perchance he got to remembering it around dinnertime, that would be a most opportune moment to speak of it. After all, he'll need to prepare his speech for it--he was never good at improvising on the spot.

Walking into the guildhouse, the interior seemed quite fancy, almost akin to the building the Outland Count resided in. Soft rugs greeted his feet as he grazed it with his hand, a chandelier hanging high above the entrance where the group stood, and a couple of flowers to liven up the decor. The highlander could tell they were real plants upon closer inspection, seeing the soil beneath the bushy green leaves, along with a water bucket for those who wish to water the plants.

"Well, I'll give them this; whoever owned this last certainly made it well kept." Bertrand commented, glancing at the occasional shiny object in the entrance. "Don't quite get the fancy decor, though."

Simon walked near the plants, before observing the shiny objects Bertrand was looking at earlier. "It would seem like whoever owned this must have been a noble of sorts." The medic educated his best guess.

"I don't think Seyfried or Gutrune would have already decorated the place before us." Lola spoke aloud, trying to look around the corners of the side hallways for any sign of the people she mentioned. Korey followed her glance in the hallways, but didn't find anything else that'd support her theory. Besides, they surely would've been here before them, long past when Korey and Lola would've noticed them already.

"Well, I'm gonna check upstairs!" Arthur suddenly announced, as Simon tried to stop him. The Alchemist dashed past Korey, who wasn't expecting him to dash up towards the staircase, a groan from the gray haired medic soon following after the boy left everyone's vision. What was he going to do with him...?

"I'll keep an eye on him if you want me to." Bertrand offered, but the Medic seemed to dismiss his generous offer.  "I appreciate the offer, but I prefer to keep an eye on him myself." Simon responded, before glancing over at the others.

"If I spot the rooms where we can place our belongings in, I'll let everyone know. I'm sure they're almost always are on the second floor of these guildhouses." He added, soon following Arthur upstairs in an effort to keep an eye on him. It's almost like nothing's changed between those two.

"I guess if no one's gonna mind, I suppose we might as well check out the remaining floors." Raquna hummed, as she, Frederica, and Lola went up to the top floor of the guildhouse. After little encouraging from Chloe to check for a kitchen, Bertrand and Chloe soon searched the first floor for the room in question, leaving the Fafnir Knight and Flavio with Korey on the first floor.

With the upper floors currently being looked over, the three of them look around the first floor some more, exploring one of the hallways Lola peeked at. "So, how have you fared in your travels?" Fafnir inquired, wishing to stir conversation as they looked through the guildhouse.

"Honestly, it's a mixed bag. Some good, some bad," Korey began, trying to ignore his hair trying to cover his eyes. "Considering I've reunited with my family, and that my memory is slowly returning to me, I'd say the explorations up to this point was well worth it." Fafnir patted Korey's back upon him finishing that sentence, like he's proud to make an impact on the memories he made with them.

"Well, that's great news, bud! You managed to reach your goal, despite everything else happening taking a higher priority along the way." Flavio hummed, seeing the highlander starting to gaze partially at the ground, slightly embarassed at the compliment.

The conversation seemed to halt there for a time, as they reached a garden-like area, with a fountain in the middle. It seemed moreso for outside conversations and another eating area, seeing a few tables placed outside near the kitchen area. Stepping outside, Korey took a look around, taking a deep breath as he took out the lapis necklace Lynus gave him minutes earlier.

Lynus had told him not to worry too much, but even with that in mind, there's no stopping the highlander's mind from drifting towards wanting to find those memories. But he knew that being slow and patient has helped him so far with reuniting with his family; what's to stop those lost bits of memory to come back to him like that?

Flavio and Fafnir couldn't help but notice the highlander taking a moment to reflect on something. The survivalist made the move to get his attention, walking over to him and patting him on the shoulder. "Look, I don't know what else is going through your mind right now, but for what I know, you're reunited with your family and your friends; people that you've longed to be with for a very long time. Just don't bother with the past memories for now, and focus on spending time with your family and friends--and who knows, maybe those memories will come back quicker without a second thought." Flavio spoke, reassuring the highlander and smiling the biggiest grin on his face.

"Alright, Flavio; you made your point clear." Korey replied, placing the necklace back out of sight, but still around his neck. "I made it to my ultimate goal in the end; I suppose I do owe myself some time to spend with my family and friends after all that I've been through." He continued, hearing Flavio hum upon seeing the highlander renewed with determination.

"Thanks for cheering me up, Flavio. This recovery from my amnesia is so going to be worth it, but for now, I'll take whatever I can get at this point." The highlander finished, starting to make his way inside.

"Going back outside to wait for the others?" Fafnir inquired, the highlander nodding in response. "I don't like having to wait, but somebody's gotta do it. Feel free to continue looking around; I'll explore more of it myself later." Korey replied.

Seeing Fafnir nod and motion for him to go on, the highlander walked back to the front of the guildhouse, leaving the Fafnir Knight and the survivalist in the garden. Korey doubted the people of Iorys are going to recall the person who took him away from Iorys, but that wasn't a concern to him for now. If fate decites that such an encounter to happen, then he'll gladly accept the encounter without hesitation.

Maybe at some point he could ask some of his guild members to ask around while they're in Iorys. He's going to be focused on reuniting with his parents soon after they land, so having some people look around for him definitely is going to help, even if they may not find anything. After all; he was never alone throughout his journey--his friends are there for him, and he's there for them, no matter what happens. And that's just what they do; they help each other out.

...............................................................................................

Sitting back at the table on the porch, a few people have been going pass the guildhouse, not paying any heed to the highlander and moreso focusing on their own task at hand. There wasn't that many explorers out and about, since they wanted to be safe from the comfort of their home. Clouds passing by above the Maginia, one has to wonder how far the wait between each famous city was... It felt like an eternity, yet the thought of arriving home after being gone for so long was ever approaching like a finish line.

The highlander sighs as he places a hand on his cheek, tapping on the tabletop to pass some time, occasionally looking up and around to see if his guild members were here. "My parents must have been worried sick about me the moment they heard about my disappearance..." He sighed, thinking aloud to himself on how his parents must've feel to have their son vanish mysteriously.

"Surely they must not have had a moment's rest to find some answers about how I vanished... Or maybe they had confidence that Hilda and the others would find me--even my sister, too." If they did put their faith in the latter, it certainly worked out for them. Though surely once they depart for Lemuria, he's sure they'd be worried about his safety again; despite being proud of him for being an explorer in their footsteps...

Perhaps he could invite them onboard? There's bound to be a spare room, and it'd give them a sense of how far he had come just to try and reunite with his loved ones and his friends again. Although he probably wasn't thinking of the consequences, it certainly would beat having his parents worry for days on end with communications being way too far to even potentially reach them. Oh yeah, the idea definitely would stick around for some time. He would just have to find the right time to speak up about it-

"Hey man, you should stop looking at the clouds, you look like you're on cloud nine!"

Ayako's voice broke his concentration, seeing the black and yellow haired Pugilist grin at the highlander, with the rest of the Lux Guild coming behind him. "Ayako not good at making jokes." Ion argued, hardly finding the line the pugilist said moments ago to; in any amount of words, provoke laughter in the Celestrian's eyes.

The pugilist flinched upon hearing that remark. "Heeeey, I was trying, Ion, gimme a break..." He groaned, acting all innoncent like he was trying to prove a point.

Korey couldn't help but laugh a little, glancing over to see the rest of the Lux Guild approach the guildhouse. Karim and Shreya were walking beside Hilda, who was sure to keep a hold of their hands as Revlis, the white haired Necromancer floating behind her, carried the Arken's belongings. From the looks of it, almost every guild member of the Lux Guild seemed to have some luggage to ensure their belongings and clothes weren't a total pain to carry from the inn to the guildhouse. Which was good; because hardly anyone enjoys continuous back and forth trips from one place to another.

"Sorry for keeping you waiting." Kyo sighed, stretching her arms after putting down her luggage beside her. "Having to get everyone from the Lux Guild sorted took a bit longer than anticipated..." Hilda chimed in.

Korey kept a relaxed smile on his face, reassuring the Celestrian and Arken before him that it was all fine. "So, what's the progress on the others, if I may ask?" He inquired, waiting for anyone to answer his question.

Nio walked up front after nobody else seemed to want to speak up. "Well, that Deep City king and black haired Shogun went off to gather your Armoroad guild in its entirety. Meanwhile, that forest-lady-Hibiki, Riaels, and Akakio went off to see if they could get some supplies for the guildhouses' armory room before they meet up with members of the Orphelia guild." He reported, concluding without any further remarks.

"All right," Korey hummed. "I appreciate the heads up, Nio." The oni silently recieved the highlander's praise, hardly making a big fuss about it.

"Ooooh, fancy looking airship!" Charon's voice rang, getting the guild's attention as the male harbinger glanced at the airship before him. "From this point on, it shall be called the Light That Burns the-"

"No, we're not going with that name Charon." The highlander quickly intervened, stopping the harbinger as he groaned and turned to face his guildleader. "Oh come on! Are you telling me it already has a name?!" Charon questioned, soon seeing the highlander nod in response, before Charon himself groaned in defeat.

Atsuko couldn't help but laugh. "You have no idea how long he has been wanting to name that airship," He began. "Even your Tharsis guild kept telling him that it already has a name, yet he stops them before they can even tell him what it is."

"It's like he's not even trying like he did when he was a mercenary." Takara followed up, as the black haired Dragoon sighed in disappointment. "Hey, I tried to the best of my ability!" Chargon argued, almost ready to clash against the Dragoon in retaliation, though Nio quickly stopped the harbinger before it came to the worst outcome.

The floating Therian Necromancer, Shizuka, glanced at the building, seeing the many windows that adorned the upper floors. "I presume this is the place in which we'll be staying in?" She inquired.

"Yep, it is indeed," Korey answered. "Coincidentally, its across from a guild I'm familiar with, so I could introduce some of you guys to them later." The highlander added, pointing over to the guildhouse that Lynus' guild resided in.

"That might take an eternity, lad." Photina, the dark skinned Pugilist sighed aloud. "N-No worries, it's not like it's right now, Photina," Korey replied, stuttering a bit over his words. "There's always off days to meet them, and perhaps in the labyrinth of Lemuria."

Because it's not like occasionally passing by another guild didn't exist... As far as Korey knew, he ran into guilds in the labyrinths while almost rarely seeing them outside of town due to their schedules. So whether or not they'd do so by themselves or not is totally up to them--he wasn't gonna stop them.

"Right, well I suppose we might as well find ourselves some rooms to put our belongings in." A blue haired Masurao named Keith declared, boldly stepping past the highlander and entered the guildhouse, rushing immediately towards the stairs. Soon enough, everyone else started flooding in, while a green haired Dragoon waited until everyone else was inside.

"Sheez, no need to rush, people," Hiroki chuckled, grabbing his bag and looked at the highlander. "Korey... It's nice to have you back in our lives." The Dragoon hummed, seeing Korey smile before heading inside where the other members of the Iorys' famed Lux Guild went to.

While all that happened, Hilda happened to take a glance back behind her, spotting a boy with long white hair with a single strand of purple hair. Though she wasn't able to hear the boy gasp in surprise upon being seen, she did see him quickly hide in the crowd of people. Was he...spying on the guild? Or did he simply want to look from afar?

"What are you looking at, honey?" Korey's voice broke the near trance-like state the Arken found herself in trying to wonder who the boy she witnessed was, as she turned to her husband swiftly in response. "O-Oh, my apologies, dear." She replied, grabbing her bag and urged the kids to follow them inside.

As Korey closed the door, he caught a glance at Simon who took several steps away from the stairs. "Ah, Korey, there you are." The medic hummed, approaching the highlander and his family.

"As I suspected, the upper floors seem to have a ton of rooms, seeming to house at least fifteen rooms for a total of sixty." Simon continued, giving them a result of what he had found during the time that passed. "So unless there's any other couples or people who wish to accompany those they feel close to, we'd be near the full capacity for sixty explorers." He concluded, closing the blinds beside him before stray sunlight reflected off of anything from the wandering people outside and through the window and blindsighting him through the glasses.

Korey placed his hand on his waist as he hummed in relief, knowing there's enough room in the guildhouse. "Thanks, Simon. I'll assume you'll relay this news to everyone else once they arrive?" The highlander inquired.

"For everyone's sake, yes." Simon sighed, groaning as he placed his hand on his head, keeping it there for a bit before continuing on. "I had to stop your first guild from having to freely choose rooms at first since there'd be a whole ton of arguments going on that can be heard all the way down here if it got too loud. So why don't you take a break and get settled in?"

From the way Simon suggested that, he seemed like he needed a place to stay away from loud noises for a while. And really, Korey couldn't blame him for needing it. "I appreciate the offer, but if everyone was here, that'd be a different story." Korey responded, seeing Simon raise an eyebrow for several seconds before he sighed.

"Very well, if that's how it's going to be," Simon inhaled, taking a deep breath before exhaling. "I suppose you'll need someone to stand outside with. So just head back out when you're finished unpacking." He finished, moving pass the highlander and his family and leaving the building to the front porch.

With that, the Arken woman looked around part of the first floor, her husband and children right behind her. Seeing as she didn't seem to be in a rush to claim a room for him and their children, Korey didn't want to come off as rude to imply that they should pick a room. Hell, any amount of time he can make up with for being gone for so long, the better. There's always another day if they simply wished to be with friends for a day or two.

And that's just good enough for him, as understanding as Hilda can be. They wandered a bit through the halls and she briefly stopped to admire the garden behind the guildhouse for a time. Even though he had just been here before, Korey couldn't help but see himself spending some time with Hilda out in the garden, looking at the fountain before them, or even just looking at the sky from the safety of the Maginia.

Seeing Karim and Shreya run about the place like they're young certainly was starting to bring memories back to the highlander. "Not gonna lie, I could get used to this." Hilda hummed, seeing Shreya and Karim chase each other. Korey stepped towards the Arken woman, stopping beside her as they watched their children try and play tag around the fountain.

"Honestly...it feels like another home, now that I'm back here with you." Korey chirped, hearing his wife giggle with joy. "Couldn't have said it any better myself, dear." She hummed, grasping her left hand with her husband's right hand, intertwining her fingers with his as they glanced at each other with warm smiles on their faces.

It took only several seconds before the married couple took a few seconds out of their day to give each other a kiss on the lips. Each second that had passed in that kiss was like rekindling a long since unlit flame within the highlander's heart, even when it had been so long since he had this in his life. They separated from their kiss and simply held each other's hand, staring ever so into the other's eyes.

"If I can be grateful for one thing," Hilda began, breaking the silence that was going on between her and Korey. "Is that I'm glad you met with such kind people who helped you on your way back to us. Without them, I'm sure our lives would've been..." She stopped for a moment, almost as if she didn't want to finish that sentence so it could linger in her head.

Korey wrapped his arms around Hilda as she glanced up to meet his azure eyes. "Painful, wouldn't it?" He suggested, seeing more of the hesitation on Hilda's face as she nodded slowly, before leaning her head on his chest.

"I'm...glad the worst case scenario didn't occur." Hilda sighed, staying close to Korey for a while, hearing his heartbeat and just focused on that sound alone. With her husband by her side once more, she didn't need to feel stressed about worrying about his well being. Korey knew that he had to check in with his other guildmates soon, but he didn't care if he lost track of time just being by his family.

........................................

"...May I say something, Hilda?" Korey spoke up, as Hilda urged Shreya and Karim to head inside. "What's on your mind, dear? Certainly not trying to figure out your disappearance, still..." The least Hilda hoped was that he wasn't thinking too much about the cause of his disappearance--they just had a discussion about that a while ago.

"No, it's not that," He quickly reassured, as he began making his way towards the stairs with his wife and children following behind. "I'm just...glad I got to meet all these people. Despite the circumstances we've met each other in, and despite all the hardships and trials we got to do, and treasures to find..."

He paused for a moment as he waited for his family to catch up to him on the first floor. "I feel like I've become a hero to other people. And I'm...not sure how I'd feel if I were to undertake that class--or rather, responsibility of a hero." Korey finished his train of thought, seeing Hilda think to herself for a few seconds.

"Well, what can I say? Your a hero to those you meet, dear." She beamed, almost as if it was natural for her to do--despite not being able to do so in front of her husband for the last two years. "Heck, I'm sure if you asked Miriam, I'm sure she can teach you how her skills work." She added, as Korey kept that knowledge in the back of his mind.

After finishing that discussion, Korey and Hilda picked a room near the stairs, with Karim an Shreya being in the room next to them. They aren't explorers, but it's better to have them nearby since going up and down the stairs to get them probably would be rather tiring. Placing her bag on the table in the most right hand side of the room, Hilda began to unpack her belongings as Korey did the same.

As they did, Korey took a couple of glances around the room, seeing that the bed was at least a king size bed. It wasn't a usual size for a guild member's bed, though there's a possibility that whoever had this guild house before probably chose it for reasons he could only assume were likely because they had a significant other. So they just so happened to pick the master bedroom out of the sixty rooms to choose from.

Not like he was gonna complain if it wasn't the master bedroom. He was likely missing the feeling of resting in his own master bedroom in Iorys. They put their clothes in separate chest drawers, and placed their weapons somewhere safe within the small closet beside the desk. The closet feels like it would hold two people within it, but it has plenty of space within it for anything else should they find in Lemuria.

"All right, that should do it for now." Korey hummed once they finished settling in. "I'll head back out and get the remaining guildmembers in the guild house, then I suppose we'll wait until we reach Iorys." He explained to Hilda what was likely to be the rest of the plan for today.

"I'll go help the kids unpack in the meanwhile." She added, knowing they'll need help with how much stuff they packed. "Ok Hilda. I'll be back soon." Korey replied, as he and Hilda quickly exchanged a kiss on the lips before they both left the room and headed to their destinations, with the highlander heading downstairs and the Arken woman to the door on her left, where Karim and Shreya are in.

[peace-coast-island]

Diary of a Junebug

Taking in the sights of Golden City

The Golden City sure is bright! Everything about it is so fascinating - the architecture, the roads, the trees - the place doesn't seem real. From traveling via whale taxi to the floating buildings and crystalline gazebos, it's no wonder Golden City is on top of many people's must see places before they die - mine included.

Seeing that Golden City seems to be in a world of its own, I never expected to run across a familiar face there - especially one who's currently in the process of renovating an old building to turn into her very own company. I've heard rumors but to see it actually happen - it seems so unreal.

Who would've thought that Ginko Okabe, director of a big marketing company, would start her own thing? And her business partner happens to be Benji Yoshino, a big hotshot tech genius. They crossed paths when Benji met up with the higher ups at Ginko's old workplace and at the time he happened to be acquainted with Manaka. Throw in Shiran then you've got three unlikely people who somehow ended up being friends with such a high profile figure.

Ginko's been super busy with the move from the metropolitan, strictly business city of Hailstorm Bay to the glowing, almost otherworldly place of Golden City. Now that her apartment's all set, the next step is getting the office building ready. So she and her friends have been busy with that for the past week.

With things moving smoothly, Ginko figured that they could all use a break. After all, it's not easy taking an hour long train to Golden City after a 9 to 5 shift to help clean up an old building as well as move furniture. She didn't expect her former coworkers to step up like that but they wouldn't let her hire a bunch of strangers to put her office together. With her giving them an opportunity to leave their monotonous, unfulfilling, (and sometimes toxic) work environment to be a part of her team, doing the heavy lifting was their way of thanking her.

Before heading out to meet up with Benji and Shiran, Ginko gave us a tour of the office. It's one thing to see snippets of the renovation on social media, it's another to see how much progress has been made in a week. What was once an old, run down building will soon be bustling with activity.

After seeing the office, we headed to the cafe and caught up with Benji and Shiran. They've been dating for a while but it wasn't until recently they were open about it. We all kinda suspected it so it wasn't a surprise when they made it official. First Manaka, now Shiran, what is it about diligent working class accountants that would draw in a wealthy, head in the clouds, tech genius like Benji?

How the former accountant and the eccentric millionaire came to be together is one of those stories where it all came down to chance. Benji first met Manaka through skydiving classes. Then they ran into each other again by chance on the streets around the same time he was installing a new security system for the company. Eventually word got out about their relationship, forcing Manaka to lay low for a while - which is partly why he and Shiran kept things under wraps for a long time. While they got along well, they didn't always meet eye to eye, especially about their futures. Manaka wanted stability while Benji jumped from one thing to another - it wasn't meant to be.

Running into Shiran was also a chance encounter. Shiran was interested in Manaka but the feeling wasn't mutual. The two met in college and ended up working in the same place, but aside from the office, they rarely saw each other outside of that. It took a while but Shiran was able to accept that while he and Manaka grew to become good friends, a romance wasn't in the cards for them.

Shiran and Benji literally bumped into each other on the streets and from there an unlikely friendship came about. Shiran was in awe of Benji at first because of his achievements, then slightly jealous when he found out he was dating Manaka, and then cool with him after the mutual breakup. Ginko was surprised to find them causally hanging out together. Soon the duo became a trio.

Things haven't been the same since Manaka's death. A series of workplace safety violations resulted in an explosion that injured many, even killing a few. Manaka, Shiran, and three other people were trapped in the basement, which was on the verge of collapsing, complicating the rescue. All five were rescued and taken to the hospital, where Manaka later died of her injuries. It happened suddenly, totally unexpected as she was fully conscious, alert, and walking when they found her.

Shiran fell into a deep depression for a while, leading to other problems. Ginko struggled a lot too but did her best to not let that affect her work. She later admitted that trying to do damage control over what happened was the hardest thing she ever did, one that made her completely disillusioned with the company. Benji, Ami and Karrie were grieving as well but kept a brave face in public.

Benji was the one who helped Shiran get back on his feet. He said that his biggest regret was not reaching out to Manaka after the breakup. While they were cool with each other and wanted to stay friends, they didn't do a good job of keeping in contact. Benji was out of town when the explosion happened and flew in as soon as he heard, planning to visit Manaka and Shiran at the hospital the next morning.

Just when all of that was behind them, an investigation of Manaka's death reopened the pain and grief for all of them. Apparently the doctor who treated her is on trial as several of his patients have died due to negligence in the past few years. In other words, the deaths of Manaka and many others could've been easily prevented if they had proper medical care. It's already bad enough that she died in a freak accident that shouldn't have happened, and now we find out that her death could've been avoided all together.

Just thinking about all that - damn. Manaka was sweet and spunky, a bit on the obedient and passive side, but always one to go out and try new things. I never understood why she always got the short end of the stick at work - and she certainly never deserved to have her life cut so short like this. Whenever I think about her, I can't help but wonder why the universe can be so unfair at times.

So with the thing going on with the doctor, people are being questioned and such, like Manaka's parents and Shiran for example. Thankfully Shiran doesn't have to testify or anything but the whole thing brought back painful memories for everyone. Shiran admitted that he's still a bit shaken up but he'll be fine. Benji's been like a rock for him, which is good.

Ginko said that since [redacted], Benji has come down to earth, or so others like to say. He's still got his head in the clouds, though no longer floating aimlessly in the sky - Manaka gave him some much needed perspective. He may be an eccentric billionaire with too much free time on his hands who is constantly daydreaming, but when he wants to make an effort, to make a change, to help a friend, he gives it his all.

It's clear how much he still loves Manaka, how she helped him shape up after spending most of his time doing whatever without much of a care. It's also clear how much he loves Shiran - the dedication it took to get him out of a bad place, he didn't have to put himself out there but he chose to. And from what I heard, it was a rough time all around - blackouts, alcohol, sleepless nights, listlessness, apathy - a continuous downward spiral for Shiran.

Since everyone was so busy with the move, Ginko and the guys didn't really have the chance to really explore Golden City. So I figured that now's a good time since we're all here and can experience the wonders of the city together.

First of all, riding the whale taxis is like floating on a cloud. We can choose to have our taxi act as a tour guide - which we did - and that made things a lot more fun! With public transportation as reliable and entertaining as this, who needs to spend extra money on cars? Our whale taxi was so sweet and informative - I can easily spend a day listening to them ramble on about Golden City - not that we haven't already! Because we enjoyed the tour so much, Benji had us booked with them for tomorrow so we have that to look forward to.

The floating gazebos are a must see in Golden City according to many reviews. Made from the finest environmentally safe materials, these gazebos were all built by hand, created to be enjoyed by all, whether it's to appreciate the architecture, hang out with friends, have some time to yourself or to gaze into the horizon. I think my favorite is the Prosperity Cliff gazebo, which overlooks the ocean, giving you a clear view of the mountains and islands. Prosperity Cliff isn't as busy this time of year because it's kinda chilly so it's nice to have the place to ourselves.

Maybe someday when we make another trip during the fall or spring we can take a trip up to the mountains. We probably won't be able to go far since it's kinda rough up there but I've heard there's some good spots for a picnic, a short hike, and maybe a swim depending on the time of day.

Of course, in between sightseeing and shopping we stopped by to enjoy the local cuisine. There's a lot of Japanese fusion places - including a Japanese-Cambodian one, which is one of Ginko's go-to restaurants for takeout because the sushi is top notch along with the soups - so that was an adventure as well!

Our plan was to get back to the hotel by eleven but of course we got distracted and spent an hour at the park watching the fireworks show. Shiran ended up missing the last train, though it's not a big deal as he usually crashes at Benji's place. By the time Daisy Jane and I got back to the hotel it was past one, which isn't too late by our standards. Good thing we won't be meeting up with the others until eleven tomorrow as that's morning for all of us.

Totally looking forward to more sights and wonders to enjoy tomorrow!

[ciarawritesmarvel]

the grand old oak tree - bucky x reader

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Warnings: Maybe some swearing? You guys know me and I’m not gonna check. A sprinkling of angst in a whirlwind of fluff.

A/N: Welcome to Day Twelve of Hello Spring by @ibwhellospring! Yes, I am still doing this, thanks for asking. I planned all these bloody oneshots and I am sure as hell going to write them. This one is a personal favourite, but you know I loves a flashback! And I also love you! Yes, you, whoever you are reading this. I bloody love you! <3 [i can’t add a gif right now but I will!]

Prompt: childhood memories

masterlist is in my bio and tags will be in the reblog - please do drop me an ask to be tagged in bucky, steve or hello spring pieces! enjoy!

 ---

You heard soft footsteps descending the stairs and turned to the doorway of the living room expectantly.

“Asleep?”

He nodded with a smile as he shut the door behind him as slowly and as quietly as possible before making his way over to your sofa and plopping himself down beside you with an exaggerated exhale. You put down your book, carefully putting the bookmark in it and placing it on the side table and then scooted back over into his arms, which were already held open and ready.

You snuggled into his side, as his arms came to rest around you and he kissed the side of your head chastely, nuzzling into you.

“She was desperate for a second story,” Bucky murmured into your hair and you hummed.

“It’s because it’s nearly Christmas. She’s so giddy all the time she can hardly go to sleep,” you explained quietly, closing your eyes as you relished in the peace of the moment with your husband.

You got many amazing moments with your husband each and every day but it would be tough to call any of them peaceful.

As if on cue, the door creaked open and a small head peered around the side, eyes narrow and sleepy.

You and Bucky shared a look.

“Can’t sleep, sweetheart?” you asked patiently, silently wondering how on earth Bucky could’ve thought she was asleep just a minute beforehand. Grace shook her head slowly and you smiled kindly at her, gently peeling yourself from the embrace you had been all too happy to be tangled up in. You took her much smaller hand in yours and led her upstairs, sending Bucky a wink through the crack in the door. He merely grinned at you.

“Would one more story help, Gracie?”

A nod.

“Which one would you like?”

“Make one up,” she said vehemently and then quickly, “Please.”

“Oh I don’t know, honey, it’s a little late-“

Her prominent pout cut that train of thought before it started even taking shape. You sighed.

“Okay then. But only if you promise to snuggle down and close your eyes while I tell you. Deal?”

“Deal,” she nodded eagerly and you squeezed her hand once before she cuddled under the covers and closed her eyes, indicating she was ready for you to begin.

You wracked your brain for something you could tell her, some myth about mermaids with long dark hair or explorers with funny hats or pixies with a mischievous smirk. None of them gave you quite the inspiration you were looking for however. Suddenly, an idea formed in your mind, one that you weren’t sure would work, but once thought of could not possibly be ignored.

“Once upon a time, there was a young girl, only 11 years old, and she was sat on a tree branch, just high up enough for her to feel like she was on top of the world…”

The sun was oppressive. The air felt sticky and humid, with heat beating relentlessly onto your back and a thin layer of sweat building up on the back of your neck as you ran through the field. Had you any sense, you might have slowed down and walked instead, just to ease the conditions a little, but your mind was made up on exactly where you were going and that made it impossible to slow down.

Allowed to finally go out on your own for a little while into the fields behind your house may have seemed like a small responsibility to any other, but to you it was a huge deal. Finally you were able to run up to the grand old oak you’d been eyeing up for two years straight and climb as high as you could, with no pesky grown ups to tell you to ‘come down now’ or to be ‘careful not to climb higher than I can reach’.

You reached the tree quickly and climbed it even quicker. A foothold here, a branch to pull yourself up with there and soon you were high enough to see your small cottage in the not so far distance and the large fields of yellow wheat spread out below you in swaying lines of colour. You grinned to yourself and sat down on the branch you’d reached. You eased yourself outwards just a little, tiny hands still just in reach of the trunk and swung your legs with miniature glee.

“...and just when the little girl began to get bored and was about to begin the arduous climb down, she heard a voice nearby and she strained to listen…”

The voice was hushed, but still very much audible.

“...765, 766, 767…”

You looked down below you, the height not bothering you in the slightest as you watched a boy wandering past slowly, probably around the same age as you, counting, it seemed, each and every step that he took.

You decided to take a chance.

“Hello!”

The boy stopped. Looked around. He was clearly confused.

“Up here!”

This time he looked up and his eyes widened at the sight of the little girl high up in the tree.

“Hello?” it shouldn’t have been a question and yet it was and it made you smile.

“What are you counting?”

He paused, as if trying to work out what your motive for asking could possibly be but then answered as if he’d realised that maybe you were genuinely curious. You were the tree climbing sort after all.

“Steps.”

You rolled your eyes but only because you knew he couldn’t see you do it. To him, you remained patient.

“What for?”

“I wanted to see how many steps there were between my house and the ice cream parlour.”

You nodded as if that were a perfectly reasonable way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

“I hope I haven’t made you lose count,” you joked and he grinned then, you could see it clearly. His chest puffed out just a little with a tinge of pride dusting his cheeks.

“Never. I’ll remember,” and then, as he remembered what his mother and sister had taught him, “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Why are you up a tree?”

You scoffed, because it was obvious. Of course.

“You’re telling me you’ve never climbed this tree?”

“No.”

“Never wanted to climb this tree?”

He paused.

“Well-”

“Come on up!” you shuffled even further along the branch and patted the space beside you losing the stability of the tree trunk in the hopes of gaining a friend. A fitting trade.

The boy looked unsure. If you didn’t know better, you might have said uneasy, but the glimmer in his eyes told you all you needed to know about how much this boy wanted to climb the tree. Those pesky grown ups were getting in his head.

As such, it took him a few moments to say yes, but once he had, he was far quicker climbing the tree than you had been, though the scratches and grazes on his knees were enough to tell you that you had been a far superior climber in technique if not in speed. Once he was beside you, he swung his legs over in a similar fashion to you.

“Worth it?”

A pause. A grin as he surveyed the land spread out in waves below them.

“Yeah. Worth it.”

You heard a chuckle behind you and turned to find him stood there, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed tightly over his chest and his fond smile directed at you. You grinned cheekily at him, turning your attention back to your daughter, who had one eye open but closed it quickly when she saw you looking. You shook your head.

“After that fateful Sunday, the little girl-”

“I think it’s time to hear about the little boy for a while, don’t you pumpkin?” Bucky interrupted you, wandering into the room and sitting down on the other side of your daughter’s bed, his hand sliding over yours that was resting on the covers. You gave him the side-eye as Grace nodded her head eagerly but then seemed to remember she was supposed to be asleep and gave a little half-snore. You rolled your eyes.

“After that fateful Sunday,” he imitated your voice and you stuck your tongue out at him, but he continued undeterred, “the little boy decided to return to the tree the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that and…”

Summer had suddenly become slightly more interesting.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t enjoying it anyway, the days away from the oppression of school and spent doing whatever it was he chose to do were lovely, but he missed his friends and living too far away from them to walk to their houses meant that summer just happened to be rather lonely. With Rebecca away at some camp for six weeks and his parents at work from nine to five, he had no transportation and no other people.

But now, he had you.

You were wonderful. Not a word he used often, but it was one he thought his mother might use to describe you and it seemed that thought had stuck with him ever since he’d first had it. You were wonderful. You climbed trees and you made up fun games and you saw the world in a way that made him want to see more of it with you. You were hilarious and you listened to him and overall, you were his new best friend.

He hadn’t told you this yet, but you were.

He walked along to what was now your ‘friendship tree’ (your words, not his, but words that he just so happened to love anyway) no longer bothering to count his steps because there was nothing of significance for him at the ice cream parlour anymore. He just wanted to get to that tree.

He was early, but you were still sat up there already, lying down this time, back against a branch and eyes fixed on the sky above. He began his climb.

“...this day was slightly different to the rest of those 86 days of summer had been, he could tell before she even said a word, but the boy paid it no mind and rested himself on a branch adjacent to hers, lying on his back…”

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

No exciting news to share. No new game to play. No ‘grown-ups’ problems to be talked through and complained about. A sinking feeling settled in his stomach as his head lolled to the side to look at you. He gave you a few moments to speak before he filled the silence for you.

“Cloudgazing?”

“No,” you said shortly and then, as if regretting it, “Thinking.”

“About what?”

His question was met with a heavy sigh as you tore your gaze from the sky and it landed on him.

“You know we go back to school in a few days, right?”

His brow furrowed. He hadn’t even thought about that. It hadn’t crossed his mind. And now that it had and his mind was working in overdrive he had an inkling as to what you may say next.

“Yeah, I know but-”

“We go to different schools. We live on opposite ends of the village. We have no mutual friends. Our parents are too busy to help us meet up,” you paused for emphasis but the boy had already got the idea, “Do you see what I’m getting at?”

“Yeah, I know but-”

“But what? You’re my best friend and now I’m not going to see you again,” your bottom lip was quivering slightly, almost imperceptibly but of course he could see it. He held his hand out between the branches and you took it, gingerly, a loose grip but a grip nonetheless.

“Let’s meet here,” he began and he talked over you when you tried to interrupt, “Every Sunday at four o’clock we can meet at this tree.” “But what if-”

It was his turn to interrupt her.

“No buts. You want to be best friends?”

Her hand was still in his as she nodded and he squeezed it lightly.

“Then let’s be best friends.”

Your gaze rested on your joined hands on the bed and you gave Bucky’s a tiny squeeze, to which he stopped talking just to look at you. You had a shy smile on your face, not quite meeting his eye and he chuckled: twelve years of marriage hadn’t changed a single thing.

“You know, I think I was in love with you even then,” Bucky whispered to you and you fixed him with a withering look, “I’m serious!”

“We were 10 years old James Buchanan Barnes, you were not in love with me.”

“I was! I might not have known it yet but I definitely was.”

“How can you be in love with someone and not even know it yet? And at 10 years old? I’m sorry, my love,” you taunted him, “but I’m just not buying-”

“Keep going,” Grace cut in softly, eyes still closed but grin firmly planted on her face and the two of you glanced at her then back to each other with a silent chuckle. It seemed responsible parenting had gone out the window as you made to continue.

“So that’s exactly what the little boy and the little girl did. They met up every Sunday afternoon, four o’clock exactly, only missing it for serious emergencies. That is, until they were eighteen...”

You pushed a particularly long patch of grass out of your way as you made your way to your favourite spot in the world, a smile on your face and a spring in your step. You’d worn your favourite skirt, the one that flared at the waist and didn’t quite meet your knees. Of course, you had thick tights on underneath it and a large coat wrapped around your frame because it was the middle of winter, but there was something about seeing him that made you tug the skirt over your head this morning regardless of the weather.

Eventually you came to the tree, with magic in its branches and footholds carved out from years of being climbed by two special people in particular. With a grin you began to climb, but stopped briefly when you saw a shadow in the tree already. You blinked.

He was never earlier than you. It had become a running joke, your earliness and his penchant for being exactly and completely on time to the very minute. But he was early. You weren’t sure whether to expect something good or something very very bad.

“They say that seeing is believing,” you began lightheartedly as you reached his branch and swung your legs to sit next to him, “But I’m still not sure I believe this.”

His lips curled just slightly into a half-smile but it didn’t reach his eyes, which hadn’t turned to you from their position fixed on the sky above. It was already getting darker, the sky a deeper blue, the clouds overbearing and imprisoning. Your heart dropped into the ground below. So it was bad then.

“Cloudgazing?” you asked, reminiscent of a conversation you still remembered vividly from that first summer.

“No,” he said, catching on and finally looking at you, “Thinking.”

You decided to change the script.

“That’s never good.”

“No. It isn’t.”

You let the silence sit there for a little while, just until it was about to suffocate you and then you surfaced for air.

“What’s going on?”

A pause. A deep breath. One that was shaky and all together just not him.

“You see, Gracie, the not-so-little-anymore boy had finally realised that he’d developed some feelings for the not-so-little-anymore girl and that because of them he couldn’t be happy being her best friend anymore. He resolved to tell her all of this, before they went off to college in a few months time and his chance was lost...”

“You’re my best friend.”

“...I know. You’re my best friend. Sweet of you to get so emotional about-”

“Let me finish.”

You reared back away from him, stung by the harshness in his words. Your defences were up instantly.

“Can we not do this today?” you asked with a sigh that made him look back up at the sky, “I was really looking forward to seeing you this afternoon because I have huge news that I have been wanting to tell you for days because it won’t feel real until I tell you and-”

“Hey, hey,” he soothed, his face resembling him back to normal again, although there was still something off about the look in his eye, “I’m sorry. I’ll say my thing afterwards-

“...as he was trying to buy himself some time to calm his nerves. He’d been all ready to tell her exactly how he felt...until he saw her, of course...”

“-what’s your thing?”

You perked up at his question and grinned at him.

“I have a boyfriend! Oh wow, I didn’t realise how excited I was to tell you about this, his name is-”

He didn’t hear the rest.

And he didn’t show the next weekend.

“After three weekends with no boy and no message to explain why left in the tree, the girl was heartbroken-”

“She was?” Bucky asked you and you shook your head at him exasperatedly.

“Yes, she was, I have told you that I- that she was many, many times,” you said to him with a pout and he brought your hand to his lips in way of an apology, a cheeky glint shining in his eyes.

“I know,” he admitted, “I just love hearing you say it.”

“That I was heartbroken?” you accused, forgetting the charade of the story and ripping your hand from his grasp, “You love hearing your wife telling you about the time she was utterly heartbroken?”

His eyes were blown wide as he stuttered his reply and you revelled in the sight.

“NO, no no no, no no, no, that- that is emphatically not what I meant. I just mean, the fact that you cared so much even back- I meant the way-”

You decided to put him out of his misery and took his hand in your own this time, bringing it up to your own face and holding it against your cheek, turning just slightly to press a feathery kiss to his palm. You gave him a knowing look and he breathed out a sigh of relief.

“After three weekends with no boy and no message to explain why left in the tree, the girl was heartbroken,” you continued, letting your joined hands drop down into your lap as you shuffled closer to one another on the bed, to the point where you could drop your head comfortably onto his shoulder, “She realised just how much the boy had meant to her, something she hadn’t been able to see when she had been taking him for granted for all their years of friendship.”

You were crying again. It had become a weekly occurrence it seemed, as you were able to keep your sunny disposition and shining eyes all week but when it came to four o’clock on a Sunday afternoon you lost all resolve and broke down yet again. It had been a few months. She knew the exact number of days, but she didn’t want to torture herself with that anymore.

Sometimes you went to the tree. Just in case. This seemed to be one of those days, you felt that need to go, even though the spring air had a frosty chill in it and you hadn’t thought to grab your coat. Your hands were working their way up and down your arms as you walked, tears dried against cheeks but eyes still shining. Everytime a particularly cold wind blew you slowed down to brace for it, then continued walking.

You got to the tree. Nobody was there, but you’d known there wouldn’t be before you’d set out. Still you climbed it, less nimbly than before, with shaking hands and nearly numb fingertips. You swung your legs over your branch, like you had a thousand times before and yet nothing like those thousand times at all, really.

You sat for a while, looking out over the view. There had been a few changes in eight years, the fields now sporting potatoes instead of wheat, which were not nearly as pretty. There were a few more houses in the distance and a few less trees. The world had grown up too, you realised.

“...and just as the girl was about to get too sentimental and begin the climb down, she heard a voice nearby and she strained to listen…”

The voice was hushed, but still very much audible.

“-long time no see- no that’s wrong, all wrong-”

“-hi, how are you? Yeah, of course you should greet her like you’ve not been a dickhead for months you-you dickhead-”

“-so I’m in love with you and- jesus christ what is wrong with you?-”

Her heart fluttered. And her mind calmed. And her tears were back with a vengeance, just pooling in her eyes as she listened intently. And before she knew it he’d emerged from the woodland and he was walking right underneath her just passing by the tree.

So you decided to do exactly what you’d done on that fateful Sunday afternoon eight years ago.

You decided to take a chance.

The soft sounds of deep breathing, with just a sprinkling of a snore, echoed in the bedroom. You peered over the covers to see little Gracie’s face finally asleep, snuggled into her pillow and her cuddly white wolf that she couldn’t sleep without. You let out a soft sigh.

Signalling to Bucky, you both stood from the bed carefully and tiptoed out of the room, closing the door behind you with a soft click and walking down the hall to your own bedroom. Storytelling had been long and just a little tiresome, and you both knew without words that it was bedtime.

When you arrived in your room, however and shut that door behind you, Bucky encircled your waist with his arms and turned you to face him, letting you fall against his chest as he pulled you inwards. You smiled at him fondly, tilting your head.

“You never finished the story.”

“Our daughter fell asleep,” you chuckled, “And the story was for our daughter, wasn’t it?”

“Oh I don’t know. I think we were kind of telling that story to each other too.”

You shrugged in his hold as best you could and he tightened his grip, swaying you softly in his arms a little before picking you up firmly and falling onto the bed with you, landing side by side, noses touching and hushed giggles sounding throughout the room.

“You’re insatiable, Bucky.”

“How does the story end?” he pressed and you shook your head, letting your forehead rest against his as you leaned into him. You closed your eyes and his seemed to involuntarily flutter shut at the contact.

“As all good stories do,” you whispered against his lips, kissing him briefly before pulling away only slightly to murmur the words you knew he wanted to hear.

“They lived happily ever after.”

[orangedodge]

I've always felt like Aegon contrasted Dany much more closely than what you would expect from just a rival, almost more of a renunciation of her than a mirror. I've wanted to do a side-by-side rereading of both of them for a while now, to chart out the similarities, but hadn't had the opportunity to do so. Now that the show is out, I'd seen something of a revival of the discussions over Aegon's status as a fake Targaryen or a false construction of Dany's presumed destiny, and what that may mean for her arc going forward in the other version of the story. That gave me the motivation to spend a few days on my own reread, in a direction I haven't really seen yet, but have had on my mind for a few years now.

To an extent this project also ended up influenced somewhat by posts by khaleesirin and rainhadaenerys suggesting that Dany's arc is taking her away from Westeros and towards an Essosi ending, which is also my preferred ending. Where I am right now, while I do hold the minority position that sees the show as likely a one-to-one adaption of the ending GRRM provided HBO a decade ago, I also believe that a decision was made along the way to combine Dany and Aegon into one character. So part of why I'm writing this now is to show the lines between them making that possible, while also giving myself a template for separating Aegon and Dany later.

In my reading Aegon isn't here to show us a fake Targaryen, or to be exposed as a fake hero, and the question of whether Dany is therefore the “real” hero, or the true heir, isn't really relevant to what's been set up in the tale of Young Griff. His role is construed more narrowly than those wider considerations of prophesy and politics can allow. Rather I think is role is much more personal. When you compare the attributes that Aegon has been gifted with, to Dany's actual accomplishments, I think he's very specifically been lain out more as a fake version of Dany. He's a less substantive imitation of her, produced by Varys and Illyrio to fool the people of Westeros.

Everything he's been given is closely matched by what Dany has attained for herself, but without the work put in to acquiring it that might have taught him to respect his capacity to influence the world around him. And you can see this construction in everything from his educational background, to the Revenge-of-Mediocrity entourage that has been constructed for him, to the army he's just been given for his birthday. Even in the mere fact that he can just up and declare himself a Targaryen, at this late stage in the story, and reap the political rewards without consequence, whereas Dany has been hunted since the literal moment she was born for carrying that name.

This is going to be a bit quote heavy.

There are two quotes in A Dance with Dragons that I think show the big picture of what Varys has created particularly well. One a direct summary of who Aegon is, provided by Varys himself, and the other from Tyrion's narration as he witnesses Aegon's lessons. In both cases, though it may seem a stretch at first glance, you could change the subject from Aegon to Dany without a lot of work. (Which is what HBO seems to have done in their seventh season). The main difference between them is that Aegon has the performative aspects of his training down, while the presumed core lessons Varys meant to impart still elude him. Dany, on the other hand, had to find her own way, but ended up where Aegon couldn't go himself.   

“Aegon has been shaped for rule since before he could walk. He has been trained in arms, as befits a knight to be, but that was not the end of his education. He reads and writes, he speaks several tongues, he has studied history and law and poetry. A septa has instructed him in the mysteries of the Faith since he was old enough to understand them. He has lived with fisherfolk, worked with his hands, swum in rivers and mended nets and learned to wash his own clothes at need. He can fish and cook and bind up a wound, he knows what it is like to be hungry, to be hunted, to be afraid. Tommen has been taught that kingship is his right. Aegon knows that kingship is his duty, that a king must put his people first, and live and rule for them.” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 1050).

“The lesson began with languages. Young Griff spoke the Common Tongue as if he had been born to it, and was fluent in High Valyrian, the low dialects of Pentos, Tyrosh, Myr, and Lys, and the trade talk of sailors. The Volantene dialect was as new to him as it was to Tyrion, so every day they learned a few more words whilst Haldon corrected their mistakes. Meereenese was harder; its roots were Valyrian as well, but the tree had been grafted onto the harsh, ugly tongue of Old Ghis. “You need a bee up your nose to speak Ghiscari properly,” Tyrion complained. Young Griff laughed, but the Halfmaester only said, “Again.” The boy obeyed, though he rolled his eyes along with his zzzs this time. He has a better ear than me, Tyrion was forced to admit, though I’ll wager my tongue is still more nimble.

Geometry followed languages. There the boy was less adroit, but Haldon was a patient teacher, and Tyrion was able to make himself of use as well. He had learned the mysteries of squares and circles and triangles from his father’s maesters at Casterly Rock, and they came back more quickly than he would have thought.

By the time they turned to history, Young Griff was growing restive. “We were discussing the history of Volantis,” Haldon said to him. “Can you tell Yollo the difference between a tiger and an elephant?”

“Volantis is the oldest of the Nine Free Cities, first daughter of Valyria,” the lad replied, in a bored tone.” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (pp. 204-205).

So there we have what both Varys laying out the criteria he wants his hypothetical perfect leader to match, as well as a rough idea of how Aegon's training has actually managed to proceed in real practice. What I've found more interesting than the question of whether or not Varys can deliberately social engineer a perfect king in this way—my uninformed lay opinion being that history suggests a hard no—is the question of why he was so fixated on these specific accomplishments.

To what extent do these attributes reflect the person Aegon has grown into, and what do his success and failures say about Aegon's role in this story? Because, as Aegon and Varys aren't actually real, the specific form Aegon's education takes isn't something that just arose out of happenstance. Particularly as Martin spent so much of Tyrion's early Dance chapters detailing it, it's being described as it is for a reason. I'm sure some of it's to contrast him with Rhaegar's real son, Jon (or other son, if you like), and his immediate rival for the Iron Throne, Cersei. But, even before you look at the multiple books of lead-in and set-up to Aegon's role in Dany's story, I think he's very clearly been set up as Dany's antithesis just from the above.

Why is it important, that Aegon receive this particular education? We know Varys believes him to have grown up scholarly, self-sufficient, and capable of performing to the Westerosi ideal of the warrior aristocrat, but I think that last one is more about ensuring the existing power structure accepts him as their own, and that he's capable of responding to a crisis adequately. It's more notable that his princely education seems meant to provide him with a cosmopolitan upbringing that would make him more receptive to the struggles of the common people. I think it's to this end that Varys believed Aegon should learn what it meant to be “hungry, to be hunted, to be afraid.” I think that's the core of what he meant to accomplish, and it's fairly clear that this goal was not met.

It all falls apart where Aegon has gone through life with Duck, a personal bodyguard, and Griff, who Tyrion—a man acquainted with Tywin Lannister—thinks is merciless and frightening, both always at the ready to smooth over any problems before he knows he has them. Aegon hasn't been allowed to meet new acquaintances and judge their merits for himself, he hasn't been allowed to go explore his surroundings, or to make his own decisions. He has a lord, a bodyguard, a teacher, and a priest to do all of that for him, and thus has failed to develop as either a proper lord or as an advocate of the common people.

I think the language training has an interesting way of showing that. His learned proficiency in so many languages is an impressive scholastic accomplishment, and it shows he has a genuine aptitude for academics, as well as a willingness to dedicate himself to studies that he may personally find boring but necessary. But question of whether or not he's been trained to Varys standards' isn't to be answered by how well he speaks Valyrian, but by what lessons Varys actually hoped to impart unto him, and whether or not those lessons were learned.

This is where it's important to hold in mind that none of these people are real, and that their choices—particularly ones that Martin spends so much time elaborating on—exist in the context of his world building, and the story that he is trying to communicate. Scholarship isn't received well if in Westeros if it deviates from the mold of the traditional warrior aristocracy. As such, there is a risk of making him appear superfluously educated. Outside of HV, which may be the language of the aristocracy in Westeros, or at least of liturgy, none of these languages are spoken in Westeros.

They have no known tradition of literature, poetry, philosophy, or law linked to any of these languages. Being a proficient speaker of so many languages is impressive, but he aspires to rule Westeros, which has very little diplomatic contact with the rest of the world and no inherent need for the king to be capable of acting as his own translator, and he would have little need for anything except maybe High Valyrian in his typical administrative duties. I think therefore, the language training is a signifier of the kind of cultural and social conditioning Varys wanted to impart.

I would speculate that somewhere along the way, Haldon and Griff confused the desired end with the means Varys devised for knowing it was reached. I think knowing the languages of the Free Cities, after spending a lifetime sailing the Rhoyne, was a way for Varys to know that the lesson sunk in, and that Aegon had come to know the people of Essos, and thus might understand ordinary people as though he were one of them. He wanted Aegon to know what it was like to be afraid and to be powerless, like the common people of the Free Cities, so that he would come to Westeros as a sympathetic advocate. He wanted him to know how easily security and safety can be snatched away, so that he would respect the power Varys and Illyrio propose to invest him with. And this detail of Aegon's upbringing is specifically there as a parallel to Dany's.

The narrow sea was often stormy, and Dany had crossed it half a hundred times as a girl, running from one Free City to the next half a step ahead of the Usurper’s hired knives. - Martin, George R. R.. A Storm of Swords (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3) (p. 106).

After Ser Willem had died, the servants had stolen what little money they had left, and soon after they had been put out of the big house. Dany had cried when the red door closed behind them forever. They had wandered since then, from Braavos to Myr, from Myr to Tyrosh, and on to Qohor and Volantis and Lys, never staying long in any one place. Her brother would not allow it. - Martin, George R. R.. A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 1).

It didn't really connect with me until this reread that Aegon's Valyrian lessons even include the dialects of Pentos, Lys, Volantis, Myr, Tyrosh, and then end with Meereen's. After the house with the red door was closed to them, Dany and Viserys lived at various times in Pentos, Lys, Volantis, Myr, and Tyrosh, and they lived in each for a considerable period of time (and since she's been back to Braavos at least once, its likely they've revisited the others as well). Only Braavos and Qohor are missing from Aegon's lessons. And by the end of A Storm of Swords, Dany's journey has finally brought her to Meereen.  And just as Meereen is presumed by many to be Dany's last stop before returning to Westeros, Aegon's lessons end on the subject of Meereen, while he's on the outset of his own voyage west.

Does Dany also speak each of those languages as well? It's not fully confirmed, but we're told she knows what the people in the “alleys and wine sinks of Pentos” are saying about Viserys, and we see her making small talk with Illyrio's servants. We know she spent time with the sailors on the ships crossing the Narrow Sea, and exploring the camps that would spring up on the journey between Astapor and Meereen. Given how frequently Dany is said to have sailed the Narrow Sea, we can assume she's had some exposure to their common trade language as well. She liked to spend time exploring the market places of Myr, Lys, and Tyrosh, and we're given the same word as before, “alleys,” to remind us both that she was homeless, and was just wandering around, getting a street-side view of things, and not the more sheltered tour of Essos that Aegon was provided.

We learn in the third book that she knows the Astapori dialect, well enough to follow what Kraznys and the others are saying, and shortly after visiting Yunkai has picked up enough of the similar Yunkai dialect to get to know the freedmen, whose dialect is supposed to be mutually intelligible with Astapori, but otherwise extremely difficult to follow for Valyrian speakers without exposure to the Ghiscari dialects. She's fluent enough in both HV and Tyroshi that they're assumed to be her native language by other Valyrians, like the wine seller in Vaes Dothrak, who hears her as Tyroshi. Since Martin always specifies every instance where Dany is speaking the Westerosi language, her narration is probably being translated from one of these.

There's an odd connection with Tyrosh, between Dany and Aegon as well,

Tyrion turned to Young Griff and gave the lad his most disarming smile. “Blue hair may serve you well in Tyrosh, but in Westeros children will throw stones at you and girls will laugh in your face.”

The lad was taken aback. “My mother was a lady of Tyrosh. I dye my hair in memory of her.” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 131).

That Dany is assumed to be Tyroshi, and Aegon fakes being Tyroshi is probably not an intentional parallel, but is definitely the kind of thing you might work into your book subconsciously while parallels of this type are on the mind.

While Dany had a Dothraki language tutor, we know she picked up the language the same way she learned their customs, by exploring the khalasar and Vaes Dothrak. She seems to have picked up Meereenese fairly quickly as well, even though—according to David Petersen—it's meant to have wildly different syntax and noun genders. After only a few months she's at least comfortable enough to hold a conversation in Meereenese, translates what others are saying in her narration, and receives counsel from Reznak and Skahaz primarily in their own language whenever they're in private, and is capable of holding court and taking petitions without Missandei or one of her other aides translating for her (so it's unlikely that she's speaking a more commonplace prestige dialect).

Part of why it's hard to tell how many languages Dany speaks is that she doesn't actually distinguish dialects of Low Valyrian in her narration. She just calls all of them Valyrian, or “the Valyrian of the Free Cities” (which, after perhaps five rereads, I finally realized, to my embarrassment, was the key to the Astapor plot making sense), and doesn't really distinguish one from another in her narration, in contrast to characters like Arya, Tyrion, and Quentyn who do not have her experience living in the Free Cities, and who find it impossible to understand the Low Valyrian dialects that they haven't studied.

Prior to the publication of A Dance with Dragons, we never really had any indication that the differing dialects of Low Valyrian had any variety of mutual unintelligibility to one another, because we'd only known them through Dany's point of view, and from the points of view of characters who had no knowledge of LV at all. It was only upon Tyrion's journey to Essos and the introduction of Aegon that we learned that, outside of a few closely related dialects like Astapori and Yunkish, and those of the Disputed Lands, that they were generally considered to be different languages entirely. It's not until she's been in residence in Meereen for a few months that she starts referring to the Ghiscari dialects by their local names.

(Though granted, some of this could be that—prior to Feast Dance—Martin may not have fully decided on how to name each dialect, with (most notably) the decision to start naming the Astapor and Meereen dialects “Ghiscari,” as opposed to Valyrian, not coming until much later.)

In Dany's case, other than the Westerosi language, and Dothraki, she didn't have access to a tutor. There's a clear implication that she's always learning through direct exposure, and that her language fluency is the outward sign of her cultural fluency. That she was homeless during the years before she moved to Pentos (notably when she lived in Myr and Lys) increases the likelihood that she was exposed to the local language of each, and not a koine language, prestige language, or government language.

In effect, Aegon has replicated Dany's journey from a chair. He was tutored by a scholar, when Dany was immersed in her surroundings. That's not a mark against him, of course, and I'm quite jealous of his success. But he's learning in a sterile environment, isolated from anyone who hasn't been carefully vetted. He's traveled all around the Free Cities, but he was kept safe along the way, while Dany's hanging out in the marketplace exploring her surroundings and playing with the other kids her age.

Dany reads history books for fun, and enjoys listening to oral histories. She seems comfortable enough at it as well, we've seen her quickly scan over messages in court, and summarize them for everyone else, which is noteworthy in a setting where reading regularly enough to be confident in it is unusual even for lords and masters. She's notably one of the only two people in the series who clearly reads for pleasure, not just for administrative tasks, or because they're interested in learning. Those things are true of her as well, but Dany and Tyrion are the only characters who break opened a book to relax. And Dany has read enough books for it to become mundane enough to her that she can forget where she's read one thing or another.

For Aegon learning about the Free Cities disinterests him. Again, not necessarily a mark against him, we all have our own interests. But here again, Aegon is failing in the criteria that was designed around him, and it describes Dany better than it does him. It goes back to Dany talking with Illyrio's servants and Drogo's people, and the kids in the alleys of the Free Cities, and the pilgrims in Vaes Dothrak. She just likes learning about people. Dany learns about the new cities she visits by reading their books, listening to their histories and stories, and talking to everyone she meets.

Aegon doesn't seem to, and he's only really getting Haldon's own flawed perspective on history instead. How well is it actually researched? Tyrion seems to find a lot of holes, specifically because Tyrion has read many differing sources on individual histories, and has pieced together what he thinks is the best, most consistent, understanding of what actually happened. Haldon appears to be relying on only a single source, and is repeating what he was told. He's teaching to the test, in our parlance. Aegon doesn't really care about the history he's getting, and because of that, he hasn't really learned to challenge the information he's receiving, and just goes along with whatever sounds good.

It makes a degree of sense from his perspective. He wants to rule Westeros, not Volantis, or Slaver's Bay. So while he's dutiful to his lessons, we see that he treats them as a superfluous duty, something he's been told he needs to do to be king, and of no further value to him. To an extent I think this highlights Aegon as a wish fulfillment character of the fans, and a rebuttal to the impulse that Dany should just head west already and forget about Meereen. By doing just that, he's slipped into the role that the fans (and HBO) have always wanted for Dany, and potentially into the storyline that was reserved for Dany in Martin's original pitch letter.  

“No tale. Simple truth. The why of it is harder to grasp. Sack Meereen, aye, why not? I would have done the same in her place. The slaver cities reek of gold, and conquest requires coin. But why linger? Fear? Madness? Sloth?” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 344).

Thus Dany's adherence to doing her duty to her people, at the cost of deviating from her “correct” role, is perceived as madness by Aegon's followers. As Aegon was raised believing it's his destiny to rule Westeros wisely and justly, both he and his retainers have no understanding of why someone so similar would take such a different path. Aegon has no interest in helping the people of the Free Cities or Slaver's Bay, nor do the men and women dedicated to seeing him succeed, and they cannot fathom a world otherwise. They're no different than Jorah counseling Dany to leave 80,000 people to starve and be enslaved, for the convenience of her own personal ambition. But unlike with Dany, Aegon isn't ultimately the one in charge, and even if he were, he doesn't have any information his counselors don't want him to have.

“Aegon knows that kingship is his duty, that a king must put his people first, and live and rule for them.” And he might at that, but he has a very narrowly construed conception of “his people” if so, limiting it only to his hypothetical future subjects. And his followers haven't gotten any such message, as shown by the way they treat the out group with suspicion and hostility, and will blindly take any opportunity to advance the time table of their invasion. Dany's people understand what she's about, as shown in A Dance with Dragons, and they do their best to carry on as she would when she's not there.

And its worse than just Aegon retinue being carefully vetted to make sure they're sufficiently useful and loyal. His private army was vetted as well, and not by him. Aegon does not know any of these people, he has not had a chance to win their loyalty, they have not had a chance to prove their worth to him. He doesn't really know anything about them, and neither does Griff, because he too has deliberately kept them at a distance in the name of protecting Aegon.

In comparison, Dany knows her subordinates personally. She talks with Selmy, Grey Worm, Marselen, Symon Stripeback, Tal Toraq, and Strong Belwas regularly. She appointed most of them to their positions when she accepted their service, and they're a regular part of her councils. She also personally negotiated for her alliances with Daario and Ben, and made the decision on her own to work with Skahaz and his followers, and to allow them to earn her trust. Should that seem purely a practical matter of their skill in military affairs, she also knew Rylona Rhee well enough to have been told her personal history, and to have had the opportunity to be impressed by her talent in music, and remembers the positions she took in their governing councils. And Missandei knows her well enough to comfortable with playing with and being teased by her, and to be trusted with bookkeeping and administrative work.

I don't plan to go into literally every case Varys cites of Aegon learning to work, but I found it somewhat interesting that he highlighted how Aegon “knows how to bind a wound,” given what he does with it. First aid is a good skill to have, especially in this setting, but the object of Aegon's training is for him to share the trials and pains of the commons. Knowing how to care for the injured is nice, but Aegon does so dispassionately, purely in his capacity as a claimant king. While he does good in giving the order that saves Tyrion's life, he takes little to no interest in the recovery of a man who nearly died fighting for him. If all you're doing is slapping a band-aid on them, and then leaving them behind, what are you really doing? It's better than nothing, and of course Tyrion is happy to be alive, but these are the easy chances Aegon has to form connections with his people and show them that he cares, and he doesn't take them.

Too many of the men they had sent into the camp had been stricken by the flux themselves. Others had been attacked on the way back to the city. Yesterday a wagon had been overturned and two of her soldiers soldiers killed, so today the queen had determined that she would bring the food herself. Every one of her advisors had argued fervently against it, from Reznak and the Shavepate to Ser Barristan, but Daenerys would not be moved. “I will not turn away from them,” she said stubbornly. “A queen must know the sufferings of her people.” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 521).

Jhogo sucked in his breath. “Khaleesi, no.” The bell in his braid rang softly as he dismounted. “You must not get any closer. Do not let them touch you! Do not!”

Dany walked right past him. There was an old man on the ground a few feet away, moaning and staring up at the grey belly of the clouds. She knelt beside him, wrinkling her nose at the smell, and pushed back his dirty grey hair to feel his brow.

“His flesh is on fire. I need water to bathe him. Seawater will serve. Marselen, will you fetch some for me? I need oil as well, for the pyre. Who will help me burn the dead?” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (pp. 523-524).

Doreah took a fever and grew worse with every league they crossed. Her lips and hands broke with blood blisters, her hair came out in clumps, and one evenfall she lacked the strength to mount her horse. Jhogo said they must leave her or bind her to her saddle, but Dany remembered a night on the Dothraki sea, when the Lysene girl had taught her secrets so that Drogo might love her more. She gave Doreah water from her own skin, cooled her brow with a damp cloth, and held her hand until she died, shivering. Only then would she permit the khalasar to press on. - Martin, George R. R.. A Clash of Kings (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 2) (pp. 145-146).

Dany on the other hand, is shown to actually comfort the people around her, even if she can't do anything but sit with them while they die. She justifies herself to her companions by citing her duty as a queen and as khaleesi, but it's clear she would have behaved the same way regardless. It's a sign that she actually cares about the people she's met along the way, above and beyond what is personally convenient to her, or even safe for her to show. Whereas with Aegon, like so much else about him, its just performative. You're alive thanks to the grace of the king, now off you go to make yourself useful to him.  

Young Griff did not seem to share his misgivings. “Let them try and trouble us, we’ll show them what we’re made of.”

“We are made of blood and bone, in the image of the Father and the Mother,” said Septa Lemore. “Make no vainglorious boasts, I beg you. Pride is a grievous sin. The stone men were proud as well, and the Shrouded Lord was proudest of them all.” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 256).

Griff drew his longsword. “Yollo, light the torches. Lad, take Lemore back to her cabin and stay with her.”

Young Griff gave his father a stubborn look. “Lemore knows where her cabin is. I want to stay.”

“We are sworn to protect you,” Lemore said softly.

“I don’t need to be protected. I can use a sword as well as Duck. I’m half a knight.”

“And half a boy,” said Griff. “Do as you are told. Now.”

The youth cursed under his breath and flung his pole down onto the deck. The sound echoed queerly in the fog, and for a moment it was as if poles were falling around them. “Why should I run and hide? Haldon is staying, and Ysilla. Even Hugor.”- Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (pp. 260-261).

Dany had wanted to lead the attack herself, but to a man her captains said that would be madness, and her captains never agreed on anything. Instead she remained in the rear, sitting atop her silver in a long shirt of mail. - Martin, George R. R.. A Storm of Swords (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3) (p. 979).

As far as their ability to perform to the expectations of the men under their command and the people under their protection, insofar as their conduct on the battlefield is concerned, they both have the necessary performative aspects down. But while Aegon is a classic member of the warrior aristocracy, Dany's role is closer to soldiering, which is ultimately more useful to the people around her. She's not a glory hound and doesn't care about chivalry, she's strictly there to win, and to get everyone out of danger alive. This is a radically different mindset from Aegon, who just tells everyone who can't fight to get out of the way and take care of themselves.

There's part of Dany that is tempted to put herself in direct danger at Meereen, but that's not about seeking glory—it's about feeling useful when there's otherwise no obvious place for her once her orders have been given. It comes after she'd stayed behind in the camp and faced the uncertainty of not knowing what was going on in Yunkai. It shows that she's not actually comfortable holding herself apart from others; if they're in danger, she feels that she must be in danger as well. And ultimately, she finds a way to still there with her men if anything goes wrong, but at a safe distance behind the lines, which is where someone in her position of leadership actually is most useful.

It's a bit more complicated in Aegon's case. There's an element of wanting to be useful as well, but it's also presented as more a manifestation of his untested youthful vainglory than anything. And it also goes to show how sheltered he's been by his retinue, who should have clamped that impulse down by now. There surely is a middle ground that could satisfy both Aegon's needs and those of his caretakers, if not their respective egos, but instead of reaching it they're kept separated by Aegon's impulsive need to prove himself, and Griff and company's need to keep him out of trouble.

He's not really Griff and Co.'s king, in essence, he's become their child, which might not be a problem in and of itself, except for the part where they're planning to launch an intercontinental war of conquest in his name.

Despite the incredible burden they're preparing for him to take up, Illyrio and Griff didn't trust him with Tyrion's identity, instead opting to allow potentially dangerous fugitive enter the inner circle and come along for the ride in secret. Aegon really needed to know, for his own ability to protect himself if Tyrion proved untrustworthy, that the man who lit Blackwater Bay on fire, and murdered both Tywin and (so is believed) Joffrey, has been sleeping down the hall from him.

But they don't trust him with that. They just let him think all is well, and everything will work out alright, and it's not long before we see he's come to rely upon and internalize that lesson beyond all reason. He really thinks Aunt Dany is going to just give him a dragon and beg him to lose half her men at sea too, just because Griff says she has to and Griff never lies. Aegon's insistence that everything will go according to his aspirations, is matched by Dany's constant introspection and fear of failure, and her early certainty that Illyrio was just having Viserys on. It solidifies the idea that Griff really is more of the father in this relationship than a trusted aide.

On the subject of being sheltered, I think there's a significant, widespread, misreading of Dany's backstory on this subject, that I'd like to address. She was not Viserys' shadow all of those years wandering Western Essos, or limited to seeing only what he allowed her to see. With all of the talk of her wandering alleys and meeting servants and merchants, her familiarity with the food and art of different city-states, and her confidence in exploring new venues on her own, she must have been more her brother's latchkey kid than his hostage. He was abusive and controlling, but he was also disinterested when she wasn't immediately useful to him, and was never organized or sophisticated enough to keep a close eye on what she was doing.

Young Griff arrayed his army for attack, with dragon, elephants, and heavy horse up front. A young man’s formation, as bold as it is foolish. He risks all for the quick kill. He let the prince have first move. Haldon stood behind them, watching the play. When the prince reached for his dragon, Tyrion cleared his throat.

“I would not do that if I were you. It is a mistake to bring your dragon out too soon.” He smiled innocently. “Your father knew the dangers of being overbold.” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 305).

The prince stared at the playing board.

“My dragon—”

“—is too far away to save you. You should have moved her to the center of the battle.”

“But you said—”

“I lied. Trust no one. And keep your dragon close.” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 309).

During the chess game, Tyrion gives Aegon intentionally bad advance about how best to utilize the dragon piece, in their game's current setup. Intentional comparison to Astapor? Dany knew how best to use her dragon, and wouldn't be dissuaded by the advisers who thought they knew best, and who thought they needed to control her. Aegon has his own ideas as well, but he discards them immediately just because Tyrion says so, when facing far lower stakes.

Aegon goes on to lose the game, which transitions into him making his ever first plan as king. It's a bad one too, and his supporters are all too eager to jump on it. It's an interesting transition; he's been their child sidekick for years, but the second he hits the right notes they expect of a king, they're willing to throw doubt and caution aside because he can look and sound the very part they've trained him to fake. They've just meandered around Volantis for years waiting for Illyrio to fix things for them, and when he can't, they jump on the first plan available, over all rational objections. Overly bold, just as Tyrion warned.

Dany, in contrast, abandoned Illyrio's plans at first opportunity and made her own way, with the support of the people who were there and able to work with her. She relies on her advisers, but the relationship is far more reciprocal than what Aegon has been allowed. Because of that, they can combine their individual strengths and perspectives, and arrive at a plan of action that's useful for more than merely indulging their own smug sense of Byronic pathos.  

Yet they were all the horse she had, and she dared not go without them. The Unsullied might be the finest infantry in all the world, as Ser Jorah claimed, but she needed scouts and outriders as well. - Martin, George R. R.. A Storm of Swords (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3) (p. 574).

While Joso’s Cock and the other rams were battering the city gates and her archers were firing flights of flaming arrows over the walls, Dany had sent two hundred men along the river under cover of darkness to fire the hulks in the harbor. But that was only to hide their true purpose. As the flaming ships drew the eyes of the defenders on the walls, a few half-mad swimmers found the sewer mouths and pried loose a rusted iron grating. - Martin, George R. R.. A Storm of Swords (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3) (p. 986).

While Dany can also be described as “bold” and aggressive, as Tyrion dismisses Aegon, she's not overly-so. Dany is aggressive, but it's a methodical, considered, aggression. Aegon losing half his men is specifically tied to both his reckless lack of planning, and his YOLO driven assumption that everything will just work out on its own to give him a throne. Dany, meanwhile is someone who knows the cost of even a single failure and knows she can't afford to have one, and so she knows to gain as much information and leave as little to chance as possible.

At Yunkai she treats separately with the leaders of each of the forces charged with the city's defense, to gauge their personalities while they're isolated from one another, and she has her bloodriders thoroughly scouting out the physical location at the same time. During the long march to Yunkai, she's shown to have interviewed everyone she had access to with experience related to the Wise Masters.

It took an hour to work out all the details. Now begins the most dangerous time, Dany thought as her captains departed to their commands. She could only pray that the gloom of the night would hide her preparations from the foe. - Martin, George R. R.. A Storm of Swords (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3) (p. 581).

And only after this preparation does she actually commit to a plan to defeat the city and free its slaves, and not only does she pull out a fairly complicated plan, but does so after rigging the game for herself as thoroughly as possible. She gives the Yunkai'i and the sellswords both different—false—timelines, gets the Second Sons drunk, uses the campfires of her noncombatants to mask a midnight attack, and relies on the psychological effect that charging Dothraki will have on poorly trained conscripts. And, remember, she didn't actually need to do any of that. She almost certainly would have won either way, but she wanted to win as decisively as possible, to keep herself and her people in the best possible situation going forward.

Judging by the amount of time they're planning out the battle, we can also determine that it was an extended back and forth between the group, and so we see Jorah, Grey Worm, Rakharo, Jhogo, and Aggo are all trusted with a great deal of trust, as well as autonomy, once it's time for them to move.

I have to admit that prior to this reread I'd never been fond of the taking of Meereen, which seemed to attributable to luck for my taste, and didn't appear to work well as a follow-up to Yunkai and Astapor. But I'd failed to really account for the sheer scale of Dany's entourage, which had so many tens of thousands available, that it's not luck at all that one of them would just happen to be familiar with Meereen's sewers. And with the distraction provided by assaulting the harbor, and through her use of fire arrows to ruin the night vision the city's defenders, it was a fairly safe plan. They either made it into the city, or they'd just be left to wait it out in a sewer until everything was over.

More importantly, I'd neglected the relative lack of importance of the sewer infiltration in my previous assessment. She didn't actually need it at all, but was happy enough to take the advantage as it presented itself. Altogether it paints a good picture of a woman who really puts in the work at gathering information, fostering relationships, and taking advantage of the expertise of the people around her, to ultimately manufacture her own luck just by reaping the rewards that her own conduct puts her in position to find. Her initial liberation of Slaver's Bay works to one of Dany's biggest strengths as a leader: she's never found an advantage she was too proud to take, and she isn't afraid to look greedy by taking too many.

And a lot of Dany's advantages come from being a good judge of character and talent, and being generally good at knowing how much to trust the people around her, and how to sort out responsibilities appropriately.

“No. Hear me, Daenerys Targaryen. The glass candles are burning. Soon comes the pale mare, and after her the others. Kraken and dark flame, lion and griffin, the sun’s son and the mummer’s dragon.” - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 166).

For Dany, here are just a small selection of the people who gravitate towards her. Ironborn, Dornishmen, Westermen, Stormlanders, Valyrians, and red priests. Marwyn as well, in A Feast For Crows.  You can probably throw in Benerro and Volantis as well, on the basis of the widow of the waterfront (“Oh, I think it will be war as well, but not the war they want.”) as well as the show's consolidation of all of the Volantene characters into Kinvara.  This is basically every major group represented, of the cities and nations we've visited personally, or who have had direct impact upon the story. She's made contacts nearly everywhere, and where she hasn't, she's sufficiently inspired the people around her that her story has encouraged others to seek her out as well.

Dany and Aegon both draw followers heavily from the dispossessed, but notice that Dany's people tend to be drawn from one of two groups: people who want something to believe in, and people with nowhere else to go, who are in search of protection. Aegon's people are generally those with no other options at all, and those searching for revenge out of bitterness and spiteful nihilism. These are a group of people who just weren't good enough for their aspirations, resent their failures, and are looking for one last wagon to hitch themselves to.

Griff was incompetent and ineffectual as Hand of the King, and dreams of being Aegon's very own Tywin. Haldon wasn't good enough to graduate his university, and spends his days spitefully challenging total strangers to trivia contests, and threatening them with death when he loses. Should these boys really be educating a king? Yes, Dany has awful people in her retainer too, like Jorah Mormont, but she doesn't blindly and incuriously trust them to have her best interests in heart. She gives them clear, specific, instructions and carefully keeps watch on what they do with them to see how much trust they deserve.

Outside of maybe Duck, and Septa Lemore, Aegon's men have no higher aspirations, just romantic visions. They've all given up on that. It's no wonder that half of them end up missing in a storm, and it's surely no accident that Tyrion doesn't belong with them. I talked earlier about how poorly positioned Aegon and his supporters are to take advantage of one another in a mutually beneficial way, and I think the short argument between Lemore and Griff over the Golden Company is further instructive.

“We have gone to great lengths to keep Prince Aegon hidden all these years,” Lemore reminded him. “The time will come for him to wash his hair and declare himself, I know, but that time is not now. Not to a camp of sellswords.”

“If Harry Strickland means him ill, hiding him on the Shy Maid will not protect him. Strickland has ten thousand swords at his command. We have Duck. Aegon is all that could be wanted in a prince. They need to see that, Strickland and the rest. These are his own men.”

“His because they’re bought and paid for. Ten thousand armed strangers, plus hangers-on and camp followers. All it takes is one to bring us all to ruin." - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 336).

These are strangers. They don't know Aegon yet. He's just been given these men. The appendix actually calls them of “uncertain loyalty.” Given House Blackfyre's association with the Golden Company, we might ascribe the company's saying, “beneath the gold, the bitter steel” as well, to be a way of saying both of them are an off-brand imitation.

It also reminds me a bit of Stannis' fake lightbringer, and the hints regarding Drogon. Aegon's almost certainly going to end up with the sword, Blackfyre, and Dany just happens to have a dragon that breathes black fire, and is associated with swords. He's even introduced as a puppet dragon in Dany's Clash chapters, in contrast to Dany's mythical role of the Last Dragon. Aegon's a fake, and to show that his retinue has literally been gilded over. It's also surprisingly reminiscent of Viserys and his golden crown. And like Viserys, what are these men actually worth to anyone?

From that day to this, the men of the Golden Company had lived and died in the Disputed Lands, fighting for Myr or Lys or Tyrosh in their pointless little wars, and dreaming of the land their fathers had lost. - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 86).

I ask, what have the Golden Company ever actually accomplished? They have had some early successes in the Stormlands, true, but it's hard to know how seriously to take that when the Stormlands have been leaderless and at war for years, and everyone who knows what they're doing is either in King's Landing or the North. And I somehow doubt that they're going to do a prudent job of governing the fiefdoms they're seizing.

The Golden Company have a fearsome reputation, but it mostly extends from sacking their own client for failure to pay, and of taking control of disorganized pirate bands in the Stepstones. How much of their reputation is an authentic reflection of their skill, rather than a product of the same grand guignol that built Gregor Clegane's? Their real record has been one of pointless little wars, failed invasions of Westeros, and kicking down at people who can't defend themselves. And they seem to be playing a shell game with the three cities of the Disputed Lands, with how often their contract changes hands, and how rarely they're ever called on to do anything in that conflict.  

They found the Golden Company beside the river as the sun was lowering in the west. It was a camp that even Arthur Dayne might have approved of—compact, orderly, defensible. A deep ditch had been dug around it, with sharpened stakes inside. The tents stood in rows, with broad avenues between them. The latrines had been placed beside the river, so the current would wash away the wastes. The horse lines were to the north, and beyond them, two dozen elephants grazed beside the water, pulling up reeds with their trunks. Griff glanced at the great grey beasts with approval. There is not a warhorse in all of Westeros that will stand against them.

Tall battle standards of cloth-of-gold flapped atop lofty poles along the perimeters of the camp. Beneath them, armed and armored sentries walked their rounds with spears and crossbows, watching every approach. - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 339).

We have ten thousand men in the company, as I am sure Lord Connington remembers from his years of service with us. Five hundred knights, each with three horses. Five hundred squires, with one mount apiece. And elephants, we must not forget the elephants. - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 345).

Black Balaq commanded one thousand bows. In his youth, Jon Connington had shared the disdain most knights had for bowmen, but he had grown wiser in exile. In its own way, the arrow was as deadly as the sword, so for the long voyage he had insisted that Homeless Harry Strickland break Balaq’s command into ten companies of one hundred men and place each company upon a different ship. - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 876).

A third of Balaq’s men used crossbows, another third the double-curved horn-and-sinew bows of the east. Better than these were the big yew longbows borne by the archers of Westerosi blood, and best of all were the great bows of goldenheart treasured by Black Balaq himself and his fifty Summer Islanders. - Martin, George R. R.. A Dance with Dragons (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 5) (p. 876).

I've always found the structure of the Golden Company interesting. So we have a force of 10,000 men consisting of 24 elephants, 1,000 archers, and 1,000 knights and squires, with the remainder appearing to be infantry with spears. Within the archers alone, we see the important thing is highlighting that they've drawing influence from each of Westeros, the Dothraki, the Free Cities, and the Summer Islands.

Doesn't this sound a bit familiar? Dany also starts off with 1,000 armored guys with bows riding horses, courtesy of her alliances with Daario and Ben, and with around 8,000 to 10,600—the numbering gets weird whether the trainees are included or not—guys on foot with spears. So visually, the Golden Company and Dany's forces are roughly the same idea, developed convergently.

She later gains 2,000 more mercenaries from the Windblown, and “several hundred” pit fighters. Later on she'll also have nearly twice as many infantry as she did when she set out from Astapor, when somewhere around 10,000 freedmen have added to the initial group Unsullied. That's again, visually similar to the Golden Company, and it's the force whose loyalty she earns as an indirect consequence of not peacing out to Volantis to join up with them.

Throughout her time in Meereen the leaders of those thousands of freedmen are fleshed out as they gain more experience as well as become influential among Dany's people. While Aegon is given 10,000 men and wanders off to Westeros right away, Dany wins the loyalty of her own 10,000, and stays with the people she's grown to feel responsible for. While Aegon loses half his men right away, Dany at least doubles her forces right away, putting her in a better position to accomplish her immediate goals than Aegon in his.

The size of Dany's forces continually increase while Aegon's continually divide and split apart, and there's a general theme of different groups of people coming together within the traveling city that's sprung up around Dany's person. The Brazen Beasts are formed from equal numbers of freedmen and shavepates. We don't really know how many there are, beyond there being enough to secure a city with a population likely in excess of 1 million, and to defend its walls during a major siege.

Barristan has 26 squires with him by the end of A Dance with Dragons. Three in particular are highlighted, the Red Lamb, Tumco Lho, and Larraq, are all former slaves who become knights. What's to notice about these three? They're all slaves—presumably from Meereen—but the Red Lamb is originally from Lhazarene (Dany's primary ally in the region, whose support she negotiated), Tumco is a pit fighter, and Larraq was one of the slaves of Meereen. All three are slaves, but within them we see a microcosm of her support from Lhazar, the freedmen, and even the reluctant, sometimes fraught, support she has among the pit fighters.

Dany starts off with a similar army to Aegon, but her's grows, because it's actually not  just an army. Dany's freedmen are their own community.

The raggle-taggle host of freedmen dwarfed her own, but they were more burden than benefit. Perhaps one in a hundred had a donkey, a camel, or an ox; most carried weapons looted from some slaver’s armory, but only one in ten was strongenough to fight, and none was trained. They ate the land bare as they passed, like locusts in sandals. Yet Dany could not bring herself to abandon them as Ser Jorah and her bloodriders urged. I told them they were free. I cannot tell them now they are not free to join me. She gazed at the smoke rising from their cookfires and swallowed a sigh. She might have the best footsoldiers in the world, but she also had the worst. - Martin, George R. R.. A Storm of Swords (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3) (p. 574).

Her host numbered more than eighty thousand after Yunkai, but fewer than a quarter of them were soldiers. - Martin, George R. R.. A Storm of Swords (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3) (p. 775).

Aegon's army is Dany's army—the difference is that Dany gathered her force herself, and it's primary purpose has developed into protecting the greater community that's formed around it. Aegon's army is only there to conquer Westeros, and someone just bought it for him. If Dany finds herself in need of a specialization that goes outside what Grey Worm and Daario can take care of, she has tens of thousands of people on hand to ask. When it's time for Aegon and his men to go to Westeros, they just ask the first people they meet to give them boats, and hope they don't sink, because that's all they can do.

Therefore to be more precise, we must compare the Golden Company not to Dany's army, but to Dany's khalasar, as her fighting force has become indistinguishable from her nation by the time she reaches the gates of Meereen. When adding in the freedmen and women bearing arms to the Unsullied and the sellswords, you even have the noncombatant section of the the camp in a similar proportion to that of a Dothraki khalasar. When standing before the gates of Meereen, Dany thinks to herself that the Great Masters do not treat her comunity with the same respect that they would treat a khalasar, showing where her mind is. When she resolves to stay in Meereen, she looks back and realizes “[she has] been more khal than queen.”

Her Mhysa identity itself is also linked directly to Dany's status as khaleesi. The moment she was hailed as Mhysa was the moment the freedmen ceased to be a burden and became her people. It's important therefore to note that there is actually no conflict between Dany-as-Mhysa and Dany-as-the-Dragon. Rather, they are intrinsically linked, as Mhysa is directly intertwined with Dany's identity as khaleesi, and the freedmen with her khalasar, which are both made possible by the power of her dragons.

Rather, this trio identity of Mhysa/khaleesi/Dragon is directly in opposition to Dany as Daenerys I, that is, Dany-as-Queen, the aspect of herself that still works to benefit the privileged few at the top of the social and economic pyramid, that compels her to make an effort to treat with the Great Masters. This struggle can be seen even in Dany's name, which in A Dance with Dragons, for the first time, swings back and forth in her narration between Dany and Daenerys, rather than Dany being dominant as in past volumes.

And for once, this aspect of Dany is closely paralleled with, rather than contrasted by, Aegon in his own quest to retake the Iron Throne for solely his own benefit and that of his elite supporters, with provision to the common people made on a case by case basis only. Dany's ongoing struggle throughout Dance is in effect a struggle to resist the temptation of becoming like Aegon, which is the same as becoming her show counterpart.

I don't think it's fair to judge her too harshly for her works with the Great Masters, even if they do represent backsliding onto the wrong path. Even as a homeless teenage war orphan, with no formal education, she has a lot of experiences to learn from and to unlearn. And as she has no one to lean on with experience in the right direction, her politics have by necessity been made up on the spot, guided only by experience and her own moral clarity.

I'd like to cite @khaleesirin on that note, who summarized Dany’s tendency flesh out her principles from her experiences better in the linked post.

Because Dany is the closest thing we really have to a character whose headspace we can insert ourselves into, I think we've developed a collective tendency to forget that she's been forced to make things up as she goes along. Her path forward is a bit sloppier than we're used to seeing in this type of fiction, but she's definitely moving further along it all the same, as experience forces her to fine tune her way of doing things.

There had been a throne there, a fantastic thing of carved and gilded wood in the shape of a savage harpy. She had taken one long look and commanded it be broken up for firewood. “I will not sit in the harpy’s lap,” she told them. Instead she sat upon a simple ebony bench. It served, though she had heard the Meereenese muttering that it did not befit a queen. - Martin, George R. R.. A Storm of Swords (A Song of Ice and Fire, Book 3) (p. 980).

Dany's bench is seen as less queenly, and that seems to be exactly the point in having it. She had correctly identified the throne as an inherently oppressive construct. She is again being “more khal than queen” to her people. What I think is interesting about that conflict is how it's a development upon what Dany's already learned from her time with the Dothraki. When Drogo resided in Pentos, he held court in his manse not unlike any other magister. When Dany resides in Meereen, she does so in one of their pyramids, and holds court in the style the Ghiscari seem to, albeit with her own twist to show her alignment with the freedmen. But then once that's done, it's back to the felt coats and painted leather vests, just as Drogo kept his own customs on the road.

Khal Drogo is, admittedly, a surprising model for a lefty revolutionary to pattern herself on, but I think the important thing is less his example, and more that he and his khalasar provided her with a new set of rules to explore herself within. Knowing them gave her permission to live among her people, putting on the face she needed to guide them to safety, and to allow herself to be called upon through a criteria other than blood and birthright. As for the rest, there's still more room to grow, and I think it follows that when Dany leaves Slaver's Bay, whether she follows the show's course or not, she's inevitably going to be more Nymeria than Aegon.

The first thing Dany ever did as a conquering queen, by the way, was take one look at the throne she'd won, and order it destroyed and replaced with a nice bench. Just saying, I don't think Drogon is destroying the Iron Throne as his own political thesis in the books.

So what are we left with when we consider the case of Aegon? He's a manufactured hero, he's been handed the key to a grand destiny, through no merit of his own, and he's been set up to fail spectacularly. That would normally imply that a real hero needs to emerge, the woman whose destiny he's stolen, coming to power through the longer rode that Aegon ignored. But it's not necessarily true that just because common storytelling logic dictates such an outcome, that it will come to fruition.

It seems odd, and I think necessarily unfulfilling after five full novels, to think that we may be presented a succession of failed heroes, only to reveal the real hero, and then pull the rug out from under her as well in the end. Yet it isn't inconceivable that Martin would invoke the same bait-and-switch multiple times to diminishing returns—after all, consider that Quentyn's story, exploring the trauma of war, was already presented to us, with greater detail and closer and more personally, through Arya's time in the Riverlands—but it would feel like a tremendous waste of time, and hard to square with how disconnected Daenerys' arc has been from the other characters.

After all, she doesn't think she's Azor Ahai Reborn, or the Prince that was Promised. Unlike the fans, she's only vaguely aware that these things exist, and has been spending most of her time trying to end slavery. I do wonder, when I look at Aegon, if he exists so that there will be someone on hand to fulfill Daenerys' original purpose as the warlord who invades Westeros after years of infighting. Do we actually need two characters for that? There is, of course, an element of wishful thinking, but I'd like to think Martin's realized that Dany's character has grown too far from her original design.

Aegon is false because his path is false. And if his path is false, than that implies that kingship itself is the false path. We've seen Dany move further away from the Iron Throne throughout her arc, both geographically, and sociologically. When she finally has a taste of being queen, she's miserable, and can't stop reliving her past actions—as Mhysa, as the Mother of Dragons, those actions that brought her to where she is—as ones inherently in opposition to the idea of being a queen. Unless Dance truly is just a course correction document, made to transform Dany (and Jon, and Tyrion) into different characters, it strikes me likely that Aegon's purpose is to show the reader that Dany is right to move on and break free of what she's been taught is her duty to House Targaryen.

Aegon wasn't just accidentally set up as her negative. I've always thought, or at least since Dance that her arc was taking her away from Westeros. Her fate seems as though it should be tied to Essos, with her people—specifically that nomadic city of freedmen and Dothraki that she's adopted as her own. Why abandon that? Why introduce these flawed analogues for Dany—Viserys, Aegon, arguably Stannis—only to have her make their mistakes and lose everything she's found? A dark arc is one thing, so is a brief layover in Westeros for humanitarian purposes, but to abandon everything and just become Aegon is to render both of them red herrings.

A Dance with Dragons ends with her dispirited, dejectedly realizing that Meereen was never her city, and resolving to go to Westeros. But this is her lowest moment, a few books away from the future conclusion of her journey. The resolution seems as though it should be for Dany to realize that while Meereen isn't her city, the people who followed her there from Yunkai are still her people.

[simpstyle]

December Tarotscopes: Your 2020 Starter Kit

Sagittarius- Eight of Swords | Nine of Cups

Freedom is here, my friends. Releasing martyr mentality, and honoring what your soul keeps telling you. Are you seeing possibility and opportunity in a pessimistic way? Feeling like theres no way out? Well there is! Think of ways to level up and honor your inner calling. It seems like you're looking for something new and exciting after what seems like a long plateau. You may be becoming extra bored at work or feeling like you need a change of pace. Pick up a new hobby this month that sparks joy, it's a good time to start planning on what you'd like to create in the near future. Ask for that raise and promotion, and if the answer is no well you know what to do. Find the thing that honors what you bring to the table and what sparks joy. Advice- The shift is in changing your perspective.

Aries- Queen of Cups | Knight of Wands

This month your emotions are put on the pedestal so you realize theres no such thing as "too busy" to acknowledge them. This year you did your best to prove yourself to yourself and others that you can rise up to the occasion and get sh%t done! This emotional well held within you is about to overflow with gratitude and love for everything you've experienced this year. YOu've been tested challenged, only to come out on top every single time. This has been a year of major growth for you in terms of finance, stability, and understanding who you are. This month you're understanding who you are emotionally and other ways to develop and mature spiritually.

Advice- Honor your emotions this month it will be your greatest guide, and it will help you stay focused towards where you're guided to take action.

Taurus- Three of Coins | Four of Swords

Taurus this month you're lead to relax and trust that who and what you want will find you. Opportunities to grow while having fun is on the horizon, who doesn't want that?, You're in a position to meet new people that put you in line to make big coins. The key is to meditate and align to the vibration of what you've worked so hard to manifest. It seems like this year you put lots of thought into what you want for yourself and how to get there, the message from the universe now is to focus on healing blockages within. Advice- Rest and allow opportunities to flow to you.

Gemini - Seven of Cups | Ace of Cups

Everything you're looking for is right in front of you, the answers you seek have always been within you. Be careful with asking too many individuals for their opinions concerning what has always been about you. Asking around, without acknowledging your inner voice has been a vicious cycle that has disempowered you all your life. This month you're connecting to the voice of the inner child that wants and deserves to be heard. This month you’re honoring the needs and wants of that child by any means necessary. You're stopping the vicious cycle with your iron fist. You've opened up the flood gates of inner truth and healing.

Advice- Your truth is always found within. Learn to feel the energy of resonance, let go of what doesn't feel that way.

Cancer- Ace of Cups | The Hermit

This month you're going through a final internal evaluation. Cancer you are usually very self aware especially when it comes to others and how you show up for them in the world. This month ask yourself how have you shown up for yourself? Have you been gentle, encouraging, and a friend to yourself? These questions allow you to see what is in the gap, and why. 2020 will be a different year, a year focused on you! This is called “healthy hermitting”, you're focused on yourself and are using the Sag energy to fuel your inner fire, and put yourself FIRST.

Advice- Internal evaluation will bring peace to your heart, and understanding to your mind.

Leo- Ace of Coins | Queen of Wands

Leo you're realizing your magnetism and realizing your stance in the law of attraction. You're finding joy as you build on your prosperity. It seems the eyes of the World are all over you during this glow up- AS THEY SHOULD! Continue to manifest good karma by being generous, and doing to others as you'd like to be done for you. Someone will repay you with a gig, a job, or be the bridge to influence a new beginning when it comes to finance. Wealth is on the rise, I'm getting jet setter vibes get ready to build an empire all 2020.

Advice- Know your worth, in order to manifest your worth.

Virgo -Knight of Coins | Ten of Swords

Virgo its' important to reevaluate your finances this month. Look over bills, and receipts of the past two months to see where you're over spending and blowing your budget. There is a pattern here for you to look into so it doesn't carry over into the New Year. You may feel stressed, overwhelmed and fall into depression over what you've realized. Understand there is no reason to sulk, this may be your biggest lesson of the year. What will you do now that you're taking matters into your hands and holding yourself accountable for what you've manifested for yourself. Advice- You are not a victim! It's time to take control of your life.

Libra- The Fool | King of Coins

Wow Libra, this might just be your month. The golden opportunities are rushing in except this is not the time to look back. Theres a big bright future ahead filled with abundance and stability. Those two words seem to be important for you, especially as we finish off the year. Your ideas are golden, and the best part is they're flourishing.Keep a journal to hold those ideas and keep them safe for future fine tuning. The King of coins is precise and meticulous so don't go getting ahead of yourself. Make sure you plan things out, and stay present in the moment. People are noticing how grounded and focused you are. So much so they're willing to put their chips on you.

Advice- Trust your gut, know your worth and don't look back.

Scorpio- The Moon RX | Two of Coins 

Scorpio you are truly just unafraid. You're willing to dive to the depths of your darkness and pain in order to be comfortable in your truths. Balance will manifest during the full moon when it is illuminated to its fullest potential. I get a sense of gratitude for overcoming some obstacles that showed up last month. Understanding the past has allowed you to recognize the present and how to best prepare for the future. Things are soon falling into place because you did the work, and weren't afraid to let the tides of your ocean guide you to shore. You rode every single wave like a pro, and are ready to take on what 2020 has to offer. Advice- Honor yourself for always doing what it takes no matter how deep and dark it can get.

Capricorn- Eight of Coins | Eight of Cups

Cap! You're here, you've found the missing link that got in the way of seeing the bigger picture. You're leaving people, places, and things behind. There is no more lack mentality, you've declared it and have meant it. Now you're making moves to support your decision. If you're afraid or intimidated by the unknown I have a good feeling your in for a few swift surprises manifesting on your lap. If you've walked away from someone I see reconciliation and progress within the relationship. First envision the life you want and where you're going. Build security and stability within yourself, and focus on what makes you happy. Advice- Let go of what you thought you knew to make space to explore and grow.

Aquarius- 10 of Wands RX | Three of Coins

You are releasing the burdens and pressures you've put on yourself consciously or unconsciously. You're building a stronger foundation for yourself and for the things you want to create in life and the truth is you cant do it all on your own. This month you're manifesting people on the grind like you, who have the same vision as you and are truly willing to put in the work with you. This is an amazing boost to your self esteem and changes how you view collaboration and connection. Advice- You set the tone this time.

Pisces -Seven of Coins | Ace of Swords

Pisces, this month you're finding clarity in being patient. Reevaluating the way you've gone about things before and how to better manage for the future.. Take your time and be patient with yourself as you come to an understanding in this in between. You may want to rush in, and feel super impatient because you aren't seeing the fruits of your labour yet. But trust, it's all coming together on divine timing. Focus on whats in front of you now, and be sure to double check any contracts or dates that may be important. Advice- It's all in the details this month.

[serendipitybutterfly]

Finally, I managed to find time to do Namjoon's Birthday Year Ahead Reading! This was very interesting and also very sweet. The focus for the year ahead for Namjoon seems to be very much about emotions, connections and relationships with others rather than work, business or even just focus on the self.

So without further ado...

As always, I'll talk about the signifiers first. We have the King of Wands in reverse and the 4 of Pentacles. This represents the major theme of this reading and therefore of his year ahead... As I interpret it, that theme is restraint, holding something back. There's an interesting duality here in this reading though where I feel there's some sense of release and freedom (King of Wands) but at the same time there's this huge need to hide that release and freedom and / or what's causing it (it's reversed and paired with the 4 of pentacles). That 4 of pentacles is staring me down telling me "keep some things secret and sacred and just for you and people you love". He's not the usual miserly 4 of pentacles. No, this guy is guarding his heart and he's telling his more free, passionate and daring side to hold back... Even when sometimes he wants to shout about something to the world.

OK, into the body of the reading to really get to why this advice is coming up. So immediately we see Temperance come up like a hammer to the nail of what the signifiers were saying! Temperance and the Ace of Cups to be exact. He's being advised to be very careful and precise when handling matters involving feelings and emotions. It's a delicate balancing act. I was being drawn to looking at the angel's feet; one on land and one dipped into the water. It's like he's being advised that even as he explores his feelings and emotions (which is good) he needs to remember to keep one foot on dry land, in reality, and be careful about how he handles himself. Honestly, I was getting the impression of a volatile chemical churning up and wanting to explode being handled very carefully by a clever scientist. Except in this analogy, Namjoon is both the scientist and the chemical... He needs to manage himself by stopping his feels from spilling over. To put it another way (because I keep looking at the feet, one on water and one on land, and the water being poured between two cups), he needs to take care not to let his personal life spill into his professional life through him literally spilling the beans... See the word spilling just keeps coming... Namjoon don't spill your own tea!

As to what this tea is that is to be spilt... Please, as always, keep in mind that this is a speculative reading for the year ahead based purely on this very present moment in which I'm doing this reading... But anyway, yeah... A good chance Namjoon could be falling in love love... I mean, based on what I'm seeing here. And, if that happens for him, I couldn't be happier! Right, so let me get into why I think this based on these cards...

So we've got the two of cups coming up with this reversed Queen of wands and let me tell you, when I saw this queen of wands come out my first reaction was like 'seriously?!' but then... I was like... Pause... Because I wasn't getting the same energy from this reversed queen as I did from previous readings at all. In those readings she came as a trouble maker and some kind of negative influence... Here, this queen comes as an equal. Not perfect. Not a fantasy or an ideal. She comes as a real woman... And he will be able to relate to her extremely well. I mean, look at the picture! I was focusing on the message of the 2 of cups and the Queen and then I realised that the reversed King and Queen of Wands are both in this reading and they are united by the 2 of cups sitting between them!!! It's right there! A union of equals united by empathising with each other and understanding each other's weaknesses... I got shivers a bit honestly.

Next we see The Lovers and 9 of Swords in reverse... I mean... There you go. Now, to be clear, The Lovers card is not always about romantic love. It's often about connections and partnerships between people (just like the 2 of cups. In fact, the 2 of cups can be seen as a softer echo of The Lovers). However here, in the context of this reading as a whole, I can't help but see that the year ahead holds huge potential for romance for Namjoon. The Lovers paired with this reversed 9 of Swords tells me that he may well encounter a love that frees him from anxiety and stress (makes sense if it's someone he feels is an equal - his match - who will listen and truly understand, right?). There's a sense of relief and release here which is just... Really nice.

Then he's got the 10 of cups and Reversed 5 of cups and... Wow. First of all, talk about a beautiful turn around... Going from the 5 of cups energy (looking longingly over at something in the distance which you feel you can't have) to the 10 of cups, literal domestic bliss?! 💜 So sweet! Soooo sweet! And I'm all soft because I'm getting the impression that he really was looking at others being all 'happy families' with their significant others (I mean I'm the same age as Namjoon and I get it! Your friends start getting into serious relationships or actually getting married and starting families around about this age!) and feeling kind of sad because he felt like all of that was so far away for him... But meeting this person will change that! I mean look at the 10 of cups... That really is his dream... That's why he said it in that interview... You know what I'm soft... Stop! I also think this refers to him perhaps spending more time with his family and being at home with them more. Just being in a home environment with family is important for him in the year ahead... This definitely means his actual blood relative family and family home but I think it also extends to having more non-business related down time with the members and maybe other friends he views as family.

OK, whew... Breather from the feels. The last two cards are actually giving me a message not so much to do with relationships and emotions... At least not directly (it's definitely connected because everything in this reading is connected. It's just talking more about another aspect of life). The Hanged Man and 3 of Pentacles reversed are talking about something being put on hold. Specifically something he's working on as an artist. He's going to need to be patient and be sort of 'zen' about it despite potential frustrations that may arise due to the delay or block.

This is also a time to show restraint when it comes to that fiery King of wands energy that might try to emerge; perhaps this time in the form of anger or frustration. I do also think that tying in more with the subject of the bulk of this reading, he's being advised to have patience in his relationships as well because he will eventually get everything he wants... But just as a master artist puts a lot of hard work into perfecting his craft, so too do we have to be willing to invest time, energy and focus in building our relationships with others. It won't come immediately and without any challenges at all. Patience and perseverance is key.

From the Earth Magic oracle deck, Namjoon got the advice of the Tree : Grounding card (which I thought was so perfect for him). This card speaks of Grounding oneself in earthy energy through connecting with nature (something I think Namjoon already does and finds great peace in). I also see it as him returning to his roots in some way shape or form. I do think he will spend some more time in his family home and will also slowly start planting his own roots in earnest for his future...

The Messages from Your Angels oracle card I got was Grace and Antoinette. It reads:

To help heal this situation, see the other person's point of view with compassion.

This, I think, goes back to an overall theme of connection and relationships in this reading. I'm getting the message 'be considerate' from this card. Try to consider things from all sides and also consider others in general. I think he will have a lot points of view and potential actions and outcomes to consider in the year ahead... But what's new? He's Kim Namjoon. Nevertheless it's clearly part of a major theme and big lesson for him him this year; being conscious of how things he says and does can affect the feelings of others and just being conscious of what others are thinking and feeling in general will be a big thing for him it looks like. Not just because being more considerate is a good thing; being conscious of what others are thinking and feeling may actually protect him somehow.

The numerology of this reading is 9 which is a number which represents completion and reaching the end of a cycle in order to start a new one. Similar to Jungkook, in a sense I think Namjoon is ready to start a new phase in his life and therefore we may well see a new side of him. Not in the sense that he's changing drastically (not in the way Kookie is actually seriously setting about becoming the man he's meant to be) but rather, he will probably reveal more of his thoughts and feelings about certain things... Though hopefully not too much! Happy belated birthday Joonie!

[sapphos-darlings]

Sorry for asking this. I’m questioning my sexuality and find your blog really lovely. I’m unsure if I experience genuine attraction to men or force heterosexual crushes on guys? I find some handsome, some smelling lovely, some I imagine kissing and hugging. But I’m so nervous around them! I feel inferior and insecure, and am scared when any show me interest. But I do imagine kissing them and enjoying it. Even though the real kisses I’ve had with guys have left me feeling hollow after.

Part 2) I have been assaulted previously by two guys at school and was teased by them along with some girls in my year. So maybe my unease stems from that? I’m unsure of the nature of my interest in women or why; I feel more at ease around other women even though I’ve experienced bitchiness from friends and colleagues. I am curiously imagining what it’d be like to be romantic and intimate with a woman. But I don’t really see women in real life and want to be close to them.

3) I mean I like finding out about other girls, admiring them, comparing myself to them in an aspirational sense. Yet I don’t really picture myself being sexual with them. Aside from slinky exotic badass ‘villainess’ type of fictional characters but then in those fantasies it’s about me surrendering control. So I’m not sure if my attraction for women is just a curious fantasy. But I’ve heard often that straight women don’t even contemplate lesbian relationships. Thanks for reading this mush!

Don’t be sorry! Sexuality can be very complicated to figure out, which is why some people take well into their adulthood, sometimes into their old age, to find themselves in it. You have time, and while uncertainty can be a source of anxiety, remember that this is not something like your favourite colour. You don’t have to have an answer ready for anyone, including yourself. You can just say “I’m still figuring things out”, or “I think, but I’m not sure yet”. This is a perfectly good answer!

Now for your actual message. Based on how you describe your longing for contact with men, you seem to really want closeness and intimacy and affection with them. This is good, indulge in it: daydreaming is a big part of our sexualities, letting ourselves go in the fantasy of a perfect partner, a perfect relationship. It’s fun! In your head, this man is someone you can trust, whom you are attracted to and who deeply cares about you, and who is safe, unlike the men you’ve met in the real world so far. Daydreaming, or writing stories, even drawing, any expression of your orientation builds confidence in what you want and what you need from your relationships. Let yourself dream. 

When it comes to real men, things get complicated, as you’ve noticed. You have bad experiences with men that have made you afraid and cautious, and there’s nothing unreasonable about it, as you’ve already experienced these things and therefore proven that men can be a threat to you. Men, in your life, have equaled pain and fear to you. The crossroads of being attracted to someone who still threatens you is a difficult thing that many women in particular experience. The emptiness you felt at contact with your partners may very well stem from multiple sources - perhaps the man just wasn’t the right one. Perhaps you didn’t feel ready, or perhaps the situation didn’t feel safe. Perhaps you didn’t trust them enough. Perhaps you just weren’t in love enough. They didn’t answer what you needed in a relationship, in physical intimacy, so when you touched them and they touched you, it didn’t feel right. This wasn’t the person you’ve been longing for. In order to find someone who lights you up and makes your world tremble, you, as someone who’s been hurt previously, might need to be a little more patient - you have to wait for the right person, and then wait for trust. While love helps you look over a lot of anxieties, when it comes to trauma and instinctive fear, calming down the animal inside you takes time. You need that animal, though, to keep you safe. Trust it when it says things aren’t right. This is still important, even, or especially, when you’re trying to find the right partner.

As for women, I can assure you that it’s normal even for straight women to have those “what would it be like?” moments, or “wouldn’t it be so much nicer and easier” moments - or even “that would be kind of hot” moments. It’s human nature to imagine scenarios and entertain possibilities, both good and bad. But a straight woman simply wouldn’t be interested in chasing this in the real world, or feel that any real woman holds the spark for them. The daydreams are just that, daydreams; entertainment. The way you’ve expressed it seems more to me, though, that you wish your male partnerships were as uncomplicated as your female ones - that is, that you didn’t have to deal with your fear, or spend that extra energy vetting every man you meet, and you could just lean onto one and close your eyes and it would be good instantly. No more of that extra worrying, no more of those experiences, just your everyday human drama that you know how to navigate, and no fear of the unknown. You’ve been hurt by women, too, but so many more have proven to be trustworthy, or at least non-threatening: you have this context to rely on, to tell the animal inside you that this is probably safe. However, you don’t really desire women; they don’t make you daydream about kisses, about pressing your foreheads together to breathe the same air with your eyes closed, about messy sheets in a bed on a Sunday afternoon when your fingers are intertwined and you feel like your whole world could be limited to that space and it’d be alright. So it seems unlikely you’re attracted to women - you just feel safer with them, or at least less on edge.

Of course, your “what if?” could one day turn into real attraction, but for now, I think you can take solace in your confidence with women and seek strong friendships with them, friendships that will help you face the big uncertainty of men and the complexities of desiring and loving men. There’s magic in the unity and friendship between women; so many know exactly how scary it can be to want closeness with men. Embrace that, and keep looking for the one who doesn’t make you feel empty or afraid. Indulge in your whims and wishes inside your head, let yourself fully explore your wants within the safety of your fantasies, and don’t hurry yourself into relationships out of peer pressure or expectations, your own or anyone else’s; it’s important to find the right person first. The one who makes those fireworks go off when you touch him and he touches you, but whose arms around you are safe like a shield against the dark out there, not vines that threaten to prickle or suffocate you.

You might benefit from journaling, writing down your wishes and wants and daydreams as well as your concerns and fears. If you feel like your fears and the bad experiences from your past are actively making your life difficult, on top of writing these thoughts down, therapy or counseling might help you process your thoughts and move forwards with them. Don’t be afraid to talk to people online, like you’ve done now, there’s plenty of spaces depending on your specific needs you might go to to find people who want to hear your thoughts and can relate to them personally.

- Sade

[getyourblisson]

A Look At June 2019

A Look At June 2019

June on its own is about celebrating love.  It is a month for love that knows no bounds; because it is immortal, and immortal love cannot be restricted by time or space.  It is also naturally a time for peacefulness, socializing, celebrations, happiness, and brings in the energy needed for us to move beyond the difficulties of life.

It is also the month where what we do is strongly remembered.  Reflect back on things that have happened in this month; and you will find that how you are at this time, is often how others remember you.  At least they remember things that you say and do at this time.  It is important that we keep in mind our choices and behaviors; because they have a great influence in the direction that things go.

In this year however, we may find it is not as light-hearted as normal.  This is a time where we may discover if a love is immortal; because this year June is about showing us our uncertainties, and exposing the lies, treachery, and deception.  It is the month of the trickster this year; and that means that people willingly or unwillingly may be unreliable.  Keep plans open and flexible, and expect there to be shifts or cancellations.

We will want to be careful to avoid getting involved in drama or gossip; as it can be quite abundant with people thinking that it is fun to spread rumors and play games with people’s minds and emotions.  Most likely this will come from those that are feeling insecure and seeking a way to feel superior.  They feel if they can “outwit” others through their “games” that they are smarter or more superior.  You will do best to stay away from those that are doing this; otherwise you may find things that you say to become twisted and distorted.

Now, while we definitely need to be aware of the tricksters, this can also open the door to friendships, partnerships and love.  This may come about as we find out who really has our back.  Sometimes when division happens, it ends up bringing people together that haven’t connected much.

During this month, the truth shows itself through balance and positive friendships where the masculine and feminine energies are balanced.  It is a time where polar opposites can come together. Partnerships that come together at this time, in the area of work or business have a strong chance at a fortunate future.

There is no doubt that, as you can see, there can be two very different experiences happening; which is so fitting with the astrological aspect of Gemini and the twins.  We may experience one aspect or the other; or perhaps even both aspects.  People can even be one way one day, and another the next.  Thus it will be wise to not put anything down too solid until we get past this month; and find out where people are at the end of it.

In other words, explore the opportunities at hand; but don’t make commitments until later.  June has a tendency to start off with things going well, and being strong.  However, it will usually throw up a roadblock or delay by showing us that there are things that are still needed before moving forward.  It then culminates with us having to trust.  Either we trust and take a leap, or we find out that we cannot trust what we thought we could, or we will have to consider if others are trustworthy to deal with.

Our key points this month are to pay attention to where immortal love is present in our life. Stay away from rumors, games, and those that are tricksters.  Be open to the friendships and partnerships that come to you, and show themselves as having integrity.  Spend time with those that balance you, and work from a balanced masculine/feminine space. Stay open and flexible with plans. Put off making commitments until next month.

I welcome you to celebrate where immortal love shows itself in your life.

I welcome you to focus on observing more than participating, so that you can see the truth of people and things.

I welcome you to be open to exploring friendships and partnerships that show that they come from a balanced space.

 Actions to focus on

Actions this month may feel a bit scary since there may be a lot of uncertainty surrounding them. We may not be certain what to do, or which direction to take.  We may lack in confidence regarding our own capabilities or our ability to trust others. There may be hesitations or even putting plans on hold; while we are figuring out if something is truly right for us or not.

Try to be patient with yourself, as it is likely that you will have to do or try things more than once. This time is about discovering things through trial and error.  Sometimes that can lead to great discoveries; and sometimes we can simply get quite frustrated in the process.  Part of this comes from uncovering the truth as we go.

We may receive something as a “gift” only to find out that it wasn’t truly a gift; and that there were all kinds of strings attached.  People may appear to care, and then don’t.  It is really going to take some patience to decipher what is what and who is who.

During the main part of the month the faux pas may shift to be a bit more in our favor.  This is like something not working out, only to find something better.  Sometimes we don’t go looking for something more fulfilling; because we have no real reason to.  This is a time where we may receive reasons to look elsewhere; and should do so with the excitement that something more suited to us is in motion.

During this time it is important that our actions are focused on what supports and strengthens us. Those that are with you will be there; and those that are not, will fall away.  This can be a great time to simplify our life and to “clean house” and let go of material things.  This will come from a space of no longer needing them.  The more we are able to do this, the more inner strength and power we build.

I welcome you to put things on hold, until you are able to meet them with confidence and trust.

I welcome you to embrace having to do things by trial and error.  Take it on as an opportunity to explore and experiment with new possibilities and options.

I welcome you to focus on what supports and strengthens you; and to let go of material things that you are holding onto without meaning, reason, or purpose.

 What to focus your thoughts on

Most of this month our mind will want to learn, explore, ask questions; and overall find those resources and connections that can assist in acquiring success and progression in the world.  This is a time where people will be seeking more power, command, and want to step into leadership positions.  This is great, when we have someone that will work side by side with us.

The caution with this, is that it circles back into those of the trickster energy and that are insecure. Those in this space will make it a competition that they must win at all costs.  The mind games can get vicious with those that are very insecure.  They key is to keep your mind supportive of you and them; each achieving your own successes, without competition.

Those that are truly on a path of success will be thinking how they can incorporate everyone into the picture.  They will be seeking out ways that they can bring out the skills and assets of everyone around them; creating something that can only be done with each person sharing their skills and assets.  Our mind will need to stay positive, engaged, and focused on unity and cohesiveness if we are to open the doors to success.

Those that keep their thoughts and spoken word in positive spaces will naturally be recognized by those in authority or positions that can assist us in being successful on our path. This is a great time to research, or ponder what you feel makes a good mentor.  Then seek those qualities out in others; and work on being those qualities for others.

From June 28th to the end of the month will be a great time to step into successes, and to be heard by others.  During this time you can really progress.  Primarily this will happen as a result of being true to your own self and breaking through the layers of deception that may be present.  Clear out the lies in your own mind, and know your truth.

During this time, it is favored to step into your own successes.  It is a time where you can become aware of the strength within you; and realize that the material things are not needed.  Everything that you need is within you; and thus you are ready to handle anything at any time with anyone, no matter where you are

I welcome you to connect with those that can be of assistance to you.

I welcome you to consider how you can engage the assets of others when working with them.

I welcome you to focus your mind on positive thoughts; and to speak positively about yourself and others.

I welcome you to become the mentor that you want to have for yourself.

 Nourishing The Soul

From June 1st – June 9th we may find ourselves feeling simultaneously grounded and not very present.  Our soul self is quite aware of everything that is happening; and yet unattached at the same time.  It is in the world but not of it right now.  Some may choose to completely try to escape or disappear into their own little world; since they are not fond of what they see, who they can trust, or what is real and what is not.

The soul may carry us off into daydreams, and other thoughts of faraway places that do not live in money based systems; where it is truly free and unrestricted to come and go as it pleases.  This can leave people in a space where they are not paying much attention; and we will have to be careful when driving or operating other equipment, or around those operating equipment since they may not be completely conscious of what they are doing.

The soul is seeking experiences and not things.  Simple and natural surroundings are what it is longing for.  It is seeking intellectual conversation on abstract topics. It wants to drift and dream and explore. Thus it is important that we try to avoid making major decisions at this time, since we simply are not thinking in clear, practical terms.

From June 10th on our soul finds fulfillment through meeting responsibilities and obligations.  It will be happiest when it is not influenced by others; and when we are making our own decisions about what is best for us.  There is a certain amount of reflection going on with our soul, as well.  This is a time of connecting with the lessons that we have learned; and being conscious of how we would respond if those “pivotal” moments in our life came back around.  It will enjoy pondering how it might do things differently if it had a second chance with something.

The soul can actually get very excited about second chances since it loves the opportunity to show how much it has shared with the physical self, giving our physical body and mind the opportunity to see how far it has come and how much growth it has experienced.  It also shows us how much we are uniting with our soul self; and not simply choosing the material world.  As we choose wisely, from the soul self, we create a strong foundation for future success.

I welcome you to be aware of what is happening in your life; but remain unattached to outcomes and what is happening.

I welcome you to seek out experiences.  Consider what an experience is for you; and what makes that fulfilling for you.

I welcome you to find joy in meeting responsibilities and obligations; and ask how doing that will create greater freedom for you.

 The Code Journey ~ Jesse An Nichols George

[a-fangirl-universe]

Here comes my final review for Game of Thrones

Some context first, even if by being around the internet I knew a lot of things about the show I only started to watch it at the beginning of this year which explain that my opinion is probably not the same as the one I could have if I started to watch it years ago. Honestly right now I wish I’ve started years ago instead of waiting just because I thought that being spoiled for some events would ruin the experience for me. No matter what my opinion on this final episode is or even about this final season I loved it, I loved watching it, I loved the world loving it and the first seven season were some of the greatest seasons ever and the first six a true work of art and this show change tv and shows forever it’ll always be the most popular show of this past few years and trying to take it’s place will be hard because I think nothing will be quite as Game of Thrones when it comes to tv show like I think that no book will ever have the same impact as the Harry Potter series had all those years ago.

Now here comes my review. I stan Daenerys a lot, she was one of the character that made me curious about the series and one of the reason why I started to watch it. In this review I’ll try to stay as neutral as possible separating my opinion as a Dany fan from my opinion as a fan of the show in general.

I’m a bit disappointed by this finale, it’s seem a bit underwhelming you know ? I expected so much, maybe too much, but at least not that. It was a surprise that’s a good thing but a twist no one was coming and which doesn’t make a lot of sens in my opinion. I expected more, I expected more conflict for the throne and a different ending for some of the characters (and not only Dany). As usual the visual, cinematography, pictures and music never disappoint like the actors never disappoint either. All of them are so good and talented and they all deserve more awards. Please give Emilia her Emmy this year thank you ! The all cast deserve to rule over the Emmy this year honestly at least for being in this show which change the culture forever. The ending as a all would probably be more satisfying if we had more episode. If this season was 10 episodes long instead of 6 maybe it would make more sense.

Now into the details

- Bran ?????? Like why ???? He has the best story ??? I’m sorry but Sansa, Arya and Jon disagree (even Daenerys disagree before they made her the villain) I’m sorry but it was so unexpected and he knew it would happened. So it means that he knew that all the King’s Landing would be burn to the ground and that people would die but he didn’t thought it would be a good idea to warm someone. Telling Sansa or Arya to seems more welcoming to Dany, tell Jon that he should be careful and not send armies to King’s Landing right away. Tell Daenerys that she should never forget her first goal, protect the innocent and break the wheel. But now he didn’t say anything and now he’s king and maybe I would be a good king you know I got the bigger picture but still it’s a bit underwhelming, he spend several season saying that he’s not Bran anymore, that he’s not human anymore that he doesn’t want to be lord but suddenly he wants to be king. It’s not even a bad idea technically but why not build it up better. He’s the Stark we never really knew, the one that it’s hard to cheer on because he seems so far from everything. Now all of the sudden everyone think he’s fit to be king. Once again we needed more build up for that.

- Jon... So he’s back to the start. Highlight he got to pet Ghost. You mean there were all this plot about him being the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, that Daenerys’s advisors betrayed her because they fought he should be on the throne and no one even speak his name during the lord meeting ? Like why make him a Targaryen then if his last name doesn’t count. I get why I can’t be king, why he doesn’t want to but, he killed the woman he loved, he betrayed her it’s just weird that this character journey end the same way it’s started. Especially because the Unsullied leave Westeros like the Dothraki army don’t stay in Westeros. And Grey Worm should realize that his queen didn’t do the right thing by burning the city. So it was a let down for this character.

- Arya leaves. I feel conflicted about this. On one hand it’s totally in character, she doesn’t want to be a lady, she wants to explore the world and be more that what her statut could let her. But on the other hand it’s weird she leaves her home so fast, that she doesn’t even stay for her sister coronation or something like that. And what was the point of her romance with Gendry, she left Westeros, he’s now lord, they probably will never see each other again. And did this romance bring something to her character ? No it made her seem cold and harsh toward someone she was supposed to love. I’m actually happy about her exploring the world but in my opinion they could have done it differently, to make it more impactful. But you know it wasn't out of character at least that’s that.

- I’m actually glad that Grey Worm is going to Naath. I felt it could be an possible end for him but I’m glad he’s gonna do it. He couldn’t stay in Westeros, he lost everything to this country, the love of his life and his queen who he placed all his hopes in. I’m just sad he’s so hard and unforgiving in this episode I get it but we could see a bit more dimension to his feelings.

- Tyrion is actually quite lucky. He survive, he ends up being the hand of the king. He’s the last of the Lannister. We see how broken he is by the ruin of King’s Landing and how he feels betrayed by Dany behavior. But maybe he could have done something, not at the end but before that to try to stop her hunger for power. But he’s still one of my favorite character and I’m glad he’s alive and well.

- And here comes my heartbreak : Daenerys ending, not only her death because it seems there was no other options but her ending in general. Her speech to her army is a bit over the top. She won, she had the throne that’s all she ever wanted she should try to rule even if she doesn’t realize she made a huge mistake by killing all these innocents. It would seems a bit more like her I feel. But now she wants to keep going with war. And she is in the throne room, like in her dream which was expected. Then she has this conversation with Jon, about pulling together and changing the world and building a new one side by side and breaking the wheel. But it doesn’t change that she killed thousands of people and Jon even if he loves her I can’t stand by that. Their final scene is something I’m conflicted with. Honestly I wish we saw her more than a few minutes in this episode, maybe Jon and Dany could have this conversation and Jon hesitate a bit, he sees she can’t change and later they meet again and he kill her then. It would seem more build up, because technically Dany speech in this scene was quite innocent and peaceful, with hope laced in it and killing her at this moment seems a bit harsh. But it also showed that deep down she’s still this hopeful girl who dream about making the world a better place seasons ago. Her death was heartbreaking, I mean I cried a lot, she dies, killed but the only person she still trusted. Probably the only person Drogon would have let pass. Her death seemed a mirror of Ygritte’s one. Dying in the arms of the man they both love (maybe Jon shouldn’t have any girlfriend it never ends well for them). We see Jon heartbreak, the only time since he learn that she’s his aunt that we saw he still loved her a lot and that we feel he’s gonna regret it all his life and that’s he’s gonna live with the guilt of killing the woman he loved. One of the best scene in this episode was Dragon discovering Dany is dead. How he tried to wake her up, his cries (poor baby dragon lost his brothers and his mother let me hug him please). The worst his we know all of the characters, even Jon will move on, but not Dragon he lost his mother and he has no one (I cried a lot during this scene). When he started to burn the Iron Throne it was beautiful, like he understood that what killed his mother was not Jon, but the throne. Because by the end her want for the throne killed her and seeing one of her children destroying the thing that caused her end was really beautiful. I wished we saw her in the final montage or at least Dragon and that she was mentioned a bit more in the rest of this episode. It’s like she’s erased from the memories

- Let’s end with my favorite thing of this episode : Sansa being Queen in the North !!!! She deserved it so much !!! After everything she went through she deserve it, she deserve the respect of the North and their allegiance. She deserve everything and I’m glad she got her happy ending. I’m glad she’s that powerful and she gonna be a great Queen, fair and juste and her coronation was one of the most beautiful scene in the episode. The final montage was beautiful and honestly I cried then too, because it really felt like the ending.

I still feel like the show and characters deserve better. Daenerys is one of the most iconic female character in fiction and she deserved better than this. For me a bittersweet ending would have been her fleeing Westeros, leaving her homeland, the promise of the throne and the man she loves behind in exchange for her live. Jon deserve a better ending too. They were the two leads and by the end it felt like all the time we spend with them wasn’t that important. The Starks survive and for that at least I’m grateful and Sansa got what she deserve : a throne. But in my head Sansa and Dany were both supposed to be the better part of Cersei. Sansa being smart and kind manipulative, always ready to scheme for what she thought was the right thing, but unless Cersei never putting her interest before everyone else and being a lot more patient and never underestimating her ennemies. And Dany was supposed to be the ambitious princess who wants to be queen and who know that it’s her birthright to reign but never be cruel to her people and toward innocents and always trying to learn from her mistakes. They were supposed to be the proof that women can be ambitious without being villain. At least Sansa has achieve that and I always said that she should be Queen in the North.

I hope Brienne put her name in the book after writing Jamie’s story. She deserve all the recognition she can have.

Finally I want to thank the actors and the crew who puts so much time and energy in this show. You did a great job and they should be proud of them because the only problems I have with this final season is the way the story is told not the rest. Emilia deserve better than seeing a character she loves so much and who gave her strength end up like that. In my head Daenerys will stay the woman she was until the final two episodes.

Thank You Game of Thrones for doing what you did. No matter the end it was a great experiencing this phenomenon with the rest of the world.

And now our watch has ended

[gigayak]

Dr A.I. will see you now — The age of Artificial Intelligence in Healthcare

Google DeepMind’s breakthrough might help save the sight of millions around the world.

Rutger Hauer playing Roy Batty in Blade Runner (1982). The Lead Replicant describing his life as both rain and tears flow down his face. Credit: Warner Bro

“I’ve seen things you wouldn’t believe…”

Had he spent more time scrutinising millions of Optical Coherence Tomography (OCT) scans rather than attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, perhaps Dr Roy Batty might have been the most eminent Medical Retina specialist of Ridley Scott’s fictional 2019.

Philip K. Dick’s dystopian vision was penned in 1968 and later adapted into a neo-noir masterpiece by Scott in 1982. The synthetic beings of his tale, outwardly identical to adult humans, have been created in order to replace humans in performing menial or undesirable jobs. Their only deficiencies seemingly being a lack of emotional range and a four-year life span. The themes of humanity and identity continue to resonate despite the decades which have passed since the short story was written.

We are still a long way from androids replacing any profession, let alone doctors or nurses. Nevertheless, a potentially monumental triumph in the application of AI technology in medicine has just materialised, the fruits of which might benefit millions worldwide.

Two London-based teams have collaborated to develop AI technology which can analyse OCT retinal scans and detect a number of eye conditions, then triage those patients who are in need of urgent care. Google’s DeepMind team, spearheaded by Jeffrey De Fauw, have applied a neural network learning system which matches highly experienced doctors and reduces sight loss by minimising the time between detection and treatment. This delay in referral for treatment still causes many people to go blind.

Pearse Keane, lead clinician for the project at Moorfields Eye Hospital, describes DeepMind’s algorithm:

“As good, or maybe even a little bit better, than world-leading consultant ophthalmologists at Moorfields in saying what is wrong in these OCT scans”

Artificial Brains — From Chess to Go

Google’s DeepMind, founded in 2010 in the UK and later acquired by Google, seeks to build powerful general-purpose learning algorithms and uncover the mystery of intelligence. Thus-far, its greatest tangible successes had been in defeating humans in games.

Perhaps its landmark gaming victory came in 2016 when DeepMind’s AlphaGo beat high-ranked Go player Lee Sedol 4–1 in a five-game match by using a supervised learning protocol, watching and analysing large numbers of games between humans. Despite the resounding triumph of machine over man in the ancient strategy board game, DeepMind has to thank its ancestor, IBM’s Deep Blue, for the first of such victories.

Garry Kasparov playing chess against IBM’s Deep Blue in 1997. Credit: Peter Morgan/Reuters

In 1996, world chess champion Garry Kasparov beat Deep Blue 4–2. One year later, Deep Blue came back for revenge and beet Kasparov 3½–2½. The message was clear, artificial intelligence was catching up the human intelligence. Yet Deep Blue’s algorithm depended on “brute computational force”, evaluating millions of positions. That works fine for chess, in which there are 20 possible opening moves. Go, a game originating in China almost 2500 years ago, has 361 possible opening moves on its 19x19 grid. It is so large that no AI can currently explore every possibility using Deep Blue’s “brute force” method.

LeeSeDol losing to DeepMind at Go. Credit: Korea Baduk/Reuters

DeepMind’s AlphaGo, on the other hand, works on a combination of different elements which are meant to mimic human decision-making. The algorithm was developed by DeepMind co-founder Demis Hassabis and consists of a number of phases which include supervised learning (being trained by analysing games between human experts), reinforcement learning (playing itself millions of times and maximising expected winning outcomes), “intuition” rollout policy (predicting how a human would play), Value network learning (quantifying the chances of success) and an algorithm which brings all these together called a “Monte Carlo tree search”.

The Age of Scans

A practitioner performing an OCT scan. Credit: Moorfields Eye Hospital

It’s all very good to beat humans at chess or Go, but what about diagnosing diseases? To find a real-world application for the human-like decision making used by DeepMind’s AlphaGo, the team at the company’s Health division looked at Optical Coherence Tomography (OCT) scans. This is a form of three-dimensional eye imaging which slices the retina into different layers, first introduced over two decades ago. OCT machines have come a long way since their inception and have become increasingly complex in how data is generated and presented. Nevertheless, they are used routinely by eye doctors to diagnose diseases such as age-related macular degeneration, diabetic retinopathy and glaucoma.

The publication of the work from DeepMind and Moorfields Eye Hospital in Nature this week states categorically that the algorithm performed as well as two leading retina specialists in analysing OCT scans and grading the urgency of a referral for management, with an error rate of only 5.5%. This was despite the algorithm not having access to some extra information, such as patient records, that the doctors had. The algorithm was used on two different types of OCT machines, and was also able to give confidence ratings based on aspects of the scans which it considered suggestive for diagnosis. Importantly, not a single urgent case was missed from the 14,884 scans used in the study.

Real-world application

This is just the first stage of research, although Dr Keane is confident that a final product is not too far away. DeepMind and Moorfields now need to run clinical trials of their OCT system so that doctors have the chance to test it. Mustafa Suleyman, DeepMind co-founder hopes that:

“when this is ready for deployment, which will be several years away, it will end up impacting 300,000 patients per year”

The team hopes that regulators approve a final product based on the immediate tangible benefits of a reduction in time and manpower needed to manually inspect scans, make diagnoses and refer for treatment.

Practical Benefits in the Developing World

PeekVision is a smartphone suite and includes an adapter called Peek Retina which allows the retina to be viewed with a smartphone. Credit: PeekVision.org

AI-powered screening can have an enormous impact in hard-to-reach areas. The ubiquity of smartphones around the world makes adding a portable camera and creating an image acquisition system simple and inexpensive. Already, companies such as UK-based Peek Vision have introduced camera adapters which allow high-quality images to be obtained easily and then analysed remotely.

Companies such as California-based Compact Imaging are currently working to make small form-factor multiple reference OCT (MR-OCT) available for smartphones and wearable technologies. The combination of these compact devices and AI-powered screening software could bridge geographical and economic chasms for many of the 285 million people worldwide living with some form of sight loss.

Artificial Intelligence elsewhere in health

These developments can act as a blueprint for the development of artificial intelligence elsewhere. DeepMind is currently doing research with University College London to assess whether AI can tell the difference between cancer and healthy tissue in CT and MRI scans. It is also working with Imperial College London to assess whether AI can interpret mammograms and improve accuracy in breast cancer screening.

In all these cases, the most practical benefit of using AI to screen for disease is one of resources — doctors’ time would be freed to spend more time with individual patients, and more time working on and providing treatments.

Pitfalls in AI’s Future

“I did everything, everything you ever asked! I created the perfect system” Clu in Tron Legacy (2010). Credit: Disney

Back to the realms of fiction, where accounts of AI are often littered with depictions of ever-evolving intelligences which strive to be perfect, such as Marvel’s Ultron or Tron’s Clu. These AIs struggle to balance a “human” rationalisation of ethics with the necessity to achieve their goal, with Earth-threatening consequences.

Though we are far from apocalypse scenarios, DeepMind itself has already been embroiled in controversy when it emerged that 1.6 million patient data records had not been adequately safeguarded when shared between London’s Royal Free Hospital and DeepMind. Data sharing agreements between the two had to be rewritten and DeepMind has also created an “Ethics & Society” group to maintain the ethical standards of AI, and ensure that social good is prioritised during the fast-moving evolution of these technologies.

Clearly, there may be obstacles ahead that no one can predict. DeepMind’s co-founder Mustafa Suleyman highlights the extent of the challenge:

“It won’t be easy: the technology sector often falls into reductionist ways of thinking, replacing complex value judgments with a focus on simple metrics that can be tracked and optimised over time….

Getting these things right is not purely a matter of having good intentions. We need to do the hard, practical and messy work of finding out what ethical AI really means.”

A future with everything to play for

Nevertheless, Suleyman describes a future which, with the right guidance, could be aided immensely by artificial intelligence when aligned with human values:

“If we manage to get AI to work for people and the planet, then the effects could be transformational. Right now, there’s everything to play for.”