#that's the good kush my guy

[undead-potatoes]

A while back @mrdekarios mentioned how they gave their druid Tav one level in wizard, and Gale on level in druid, because they had taught each other a little bit of their magic, and it has been living rent free in my head ever since.

I already headcanon that Jay and Gale bonded over their curious natures and love of the magic they do, and it would honestly be so good to have them teach each other just a little bit of it in the process. Especially after Jay made fun of Gale for not being able to heal, pointing out that even initiate druids know how to mend simple wounds (Jay was not vibing with his high and mighty wizard energy and tried to knock him down a peg when he could lmao).

Idk it would just be nice to have it come full circle, starting with Gale (possibly) undervaluing other forms of magic that are not so scholarly, getting teased for the limits of his own school of magic, and finally dipping his toes into just a little bit of magic unknown to him, the same magic he had so easily dismissed before.

And then maybe Jay also earns some appreciation for how difficult magic can be when you actually have to learn and remember shit, and it doesn't just come so naturally (haha) to you through being in-tune with nature.

[mamawasatesttube]

fandom and all its """kon resents clark""" this and """clark is mean to/mistrusts kon""" that. actually, kon canonically goes to clark to bitch about his rogues gallery:

"Superboy's told me all about this guy."

(adventures of superman #533)

can you imagine? he just calls up superman to talk shit about scavenger (and presumably others too!!). i just know he's lounging midair in the most ridiculous poses while slurping up a milkshake he made clark buy him and spouting ridiculous teen slang that clark has to make several mental notes to look up later. this is the mark of a truly beautiful family bond and i, for one, would like to see more of it.

[sherewrytes]

𝕊𝕙𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝓒 𝓢𝓹𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓻

Summary: You were tired of your plug always being a weirdo and never having what you wanted so you begged Sasha for her plug, Connie.

warnings: mature scenes, smut, weed smoking.

Your day had started with frustration. Your regular weed plug had bailed on you last minute, leaving you scrambling for options. Frustrated and in need of a break from the stress of finals, you turned to Sasha for help.

She was the one who always seemed to have a solution for everything, especially when it came to sourcing the good stuff.

"Sasha, my plug flaked on me. Can you hook me up with yours?" you texted, hoping for a quick response.

Her reply was almost instantaneous. "No worries! I'll set you up with Connie. He's legit and his stuff is fire. You'll like him."

With Sasha's recommendation in mind, you agreed to meet Connie later that evening. Nervous anticipation mingled with relief as you headed to the rendezvous spot. It wasn't long before you saw him pull up—a sleek, tinted matte black G-Wagon with red rims.

Connie rolled down his window as you approached, his presence commanding yet surprisingly relaxed. You exchanged brief introductions, and then he handed you the baggies of Trainwreck and OG Kush.

The Weeknd's "Shameless" softly played in the background, adding a touch of atmosphere to the exchange.

You couldn't help but smile at the coincidence or perhaps the intention behind the music choice, giving Connie a small giggle of appreciation before you paid him and walked away.

Unbeknownst to you, Connie lingered a moment longer, his eyes tracing your figure appreciatively. He couldn't deny the attraction he felt from the first moment he laid eyes on you. His mind raced with thoughts of wanting to get to know you beyond this transaction.

Back in your apartment, you rolled up and settled in to unwind. Connie's image lingered in your mind—not just his looks, but the energy he exuded. He was undeniably attractive, but the idea of getting involved with your weed dealer gave you pause. With finals weighing heavily on your mind, romantic entanglements were the last thing on your agenda.

Meanwhile, Connie couldn't shake off the impression you had left on him. He swung by Sasha's place, unable to contain his curiosity and desire to know more about you.

"Why didn't you introduce me to Y/N sooner?" he asked Sasha, his tone laced with both annoyance and amusement. "She's fine as hell."

Sasha rolled her eyes playfully, catching onto Connie's newfound interest. "Didn't think you were looking for more than just a business connection, Connie. But if you're into her, go for it."

Connie's mind was made up. He wanted to see where this could go with you, beyond just being your weed supplier. He started texting you more frequently, not just about weed but about everything and anything. You found yourself enjoying the conversations, his easygoing nature calming your nerves amidst the chaos of exams.

But as finals approached, your responses became sporadic. Connie noticed the change and it bothered him more than he expected. He pressed Sasha for information, needing to understand why you seemed distant.

"Y/N's got finals," Sasha explained, trying to appease his curiosity. "She's buried in books right now. Give her some space."

Connie thought to himself that both your lives were so different, his just a guy on the street trying to make it to the next day and you a girl in university studying for your dream career.

It made him feel a bit insecure, but he didn't let it stress him too much.

He bounced from Sasha's spot back to Ony's crib, where the air was thick with smoke and the vibes were chill. Eren, Jean, and Ony were deep into their game, but Connie's mind kept drifting back to you. Even as he tried to get into the flow of the game, he found himself constantly checking his phone, hoping for a message from you.

But all he saw was your latest IG story—a real moment, you looking stressed AF, tears welling up as you spilled about the pressure of finals.

It hit him deep, reminding him of the gap between both your lives, yet making him respect your hustle even more.

The evening after your last final, you heard a knock at your door. You weren't expecting anyone and felt a twinge of curiosity. Opening the door, you were greeted by Connie, looking as cool and confident as ever.

He held a couple of bags, one from Diesel, Von Dutch and another from Jacquemus, and a grin that made your heart skip a beat. The scent of your favorite takeout wafted through the air, making your stomach rumble.

"Hey, thought you might need a little celebration," he said, stepping inside and setting the bags on your coffee table.

You were wearing a burnt orange silk shorts set, the long sleeve cropped button-up highlighting your deeply melanated skin. Connie's eyes lingered a bit too long, but you didn’t mind. In fact, you kind of liked it.

"I can’t believe you did all this," you said, your voice soft with gratitude. "You didn’t have to."

Connie shrugged, trying to play it cool. "Figured you deserved it after all that hard work. Plus, I missed our chats."

You smiled, feeling a warmth that had nothing to do with the weed. "I missed them too."

"Don't just stare at them Ma open them up" Connie smiled while sitting on your couch and pulling you next to him. Connie was wearing his Essentials Sweatshirt paired with sweat shorts from FOG Essentials paired with beige Nike dunks.

You opened up the Von Dutch bag first to see a cute cropped tshirt. Then you reached for the Diesel bag, feelin' the excitement build. As you opened it, your eyes widened, and a grin spread across your face. Inside was the Diesel Fluffy iconic mini bag in pink and blue, lookin' all cute and stylish

"Oh my God, Connie! These are so cute!" you exclaimed, holdin' up the bags, your voice filled with joy.

"Yeah, I knew you’d like ‘em," Connie said with a proud smirk, leanin' back on the couch. "You deserve it, baby. Keep goin'. There's more."

You set the bag aside carefully and reached for the Jacquemus shopping bag. Inside, you found two Le Bob Artichaut hats, one in pink and one in blue denim. "No way! These are perfect!" you squealed, throwing your arms around him to hug him tightly.

"You really know how to spoil a girl, Connie. Thank you." you said with an ecstatic tone.

"Nah, you worth it. Gotta keep my girl lookin' fly," he replied, pullin' you closer. "Besides, it's fun seein' you happy like this."

You felt warm and loved, appreciatin' every moment. Connie always had a way of makin' you feel special, and today was no different.

Connie rolled up some blunts for you and him to smoke while you scrolled through your phone looking for some music to play since you usually like smoking to music sometimes. She pulled up Just me and you by Larry June & Ro James

Connie leaned back, taking a long drag before passing the blunt to you. "So, how's finals been treatin' you?" he asked, genuinely curious.

You sighed, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "They been kickin' my ass, to be honest. But I'm almost done. Just need to get through these last few days."

He nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. "I feel that. You need a break, for real. That's why I brought all this." He gestured to the takeout and the Diesel, Von Dutch and Jacquemus bags he had set on the table.

You couldn't help but smile. "You really ain't have to do all this, Connie. But I appreciate it, for real."

He shrugged, trying to play it cool, but there was a softness in his gaze. "Figured you deserved it after all that hard work. Plus, I missed our lil' chats."

You took another hit, feeling the tension of the past few weeks start to fade away. "I missed 'em too. You been good though?"

"Yeah, just been grindin' as usual," he said, his eyes flicking over your outfit again. "But I gotta say, you look real good tonight."

You felt a blush creep up your cheeks. "Thanks. I wasn't expectin' company, but I'm glad you're here."

He chuckled, clearly enjoying your reaction. "Wanted to. Plus, I threw in some new strain I been workin' on. Thought you'd like it."

You found yourself inching closer to him, the barrier between dealer and client blurring into something more personal, more intimate.

The warmth from the weed and Connie's presence made everything else fade into the background.

Eventually, the blunt burned down to a roach, and you both sat in a comfortable silence. Connie's arm rested behind you on the couch, and you leaned into him, feeling a sense of ease you hadn't felt in weeks.

"So, what you thinkin'?" he asked softly, his voice low and smooth paired with his low red eyes. Connie was eyeing you up and down next to him. The way he was looking at you, was turning you on. You were both staring into each each other's eyes

You turned away your head to break the eye contact, only to feel Connie's fingers on your jaw turning him back to him saying "I'm over here Ma, focus." You blushed a lil, trying to focus on him.

Connie smiled showing off his gold and diamond studded canine grillz. "You gon answer me, tell me what you're thinkin"

"Nothin' much Connie, just thinkin about the fact you already checkin for me heavy and we're just friends"

Connie didn't like when you referred to him as your friend because he wanted so much more. Connie brushed a hand across those cheeks " " I don't wanna be friends." He leans in reading your expression for confirmation before letting your lips meet for a slow deep kiss.

"Connie" you whispered against his lips. "Tell me what you want Ma and I'll give it to you. Just say it." Connie stared at your face taking in your features.

Connie pulled you onto his lap, your arms around his neck, his around your waist, one hand slowly sliding up your back to lightly grip your head to pull you into the kiss more.

You whimper and sqirm a bit when he lifts you up and places you right on the growing clothed erection.

While awaiting your answer, he began slowly kissing on your jaw and neck leaving marks. He pulled you as close as he can to his chest and pushing your head into his neck, encouraging you to mark him as yours.

"Tell me to stop or tell me you want this as bad as I do"

You stared at Connie,biting your lips trying to hold back your moans but you couldn't. You looked at him in his and begged "Please Connie"

Next thing you know, you were flat on your back on the couch with Connie slowly sliding down your burnt orange shorts down your thighs. "Fuck! you're soaking already." Connie sighed out with a husky tone.

The moment his mouth connected with your wnet pussy, you were seeing stars. Ofc you've had sex before, got eaten out before but not like this. Connie was easily going to become your best eater.

Connie was murmering to himself saying,

So fuckin wet Ma *slurp* Mine You taste so good

You felt his tatted fingers slide in and out of you,while his tongue licked you from your clit all the way down to you sopping entrance. It felt like the wetter you got, the more he ate. It was like he was licking up every drop you released.

Connie pushed his face deeper into your thighs while curling his fingers upward. The rhythm was in, up and out. Your legs tightened around his head while grinding against his face.

"Oh,God" you groaned "Oh, god. Connie, mm gonna"

Connie slipped his fingers out in favor of his tongue,dipping in and out of your cunt while his thumb rubbed firm cirlces against your clit.

Your body was shaking under him. He stared up at you. eyes red and filled with lust. A soft scream came out your mouth while your back arched off the couch and he never stopped. you heard him groan and smirk against you. When you finally came down off your orgasmic high. Connie stared at you and said "Bedroom now"

You stared at him and saw he he was serious so you jumped off the couch and walked to your room with Connie trailing behind you.

As soon as you entered your room. Connie picked you up and drop you on your bed. He came over you staring at you. You could see his face wet from your cum. You licked your lips and pulled him in for a kiss.

Connie undressed himself and you. connie stared at you for a brief moment while you take in his length. He had a pink tip, leaking pre and a thick vein running along the underneath.

You never had something that big before. Connie smirked and said "I'll go easy on you Ma. Promise."

You felt Connie pushed in slowly. stretching you out, your eyes widen a bit. You closed your eyes only to then feel Connie's hand sliding up your body and lightly gripping your jaw "Don't close your eyes. Look at me."

Connie fucked you deep and slow. obviously trying to get you used to his size. Tears wet the corner of your eyes. Connie leaned in and kissed him away saying " You can take it Ma. I know you can. Just say the word and I'll break you in so good."

"Con! Please" Please what y/n Fuck me! I am fucking you Connie! Harder

"You need it deeper Ma." Connie smirked and spread your legs wider then spread your pussy wider exposing your clit. He grinded himself against it with every hard thrust he gave you. You were screaming his name "Con you feel so good!"

"shit,pa—" you wailed, knuckles turning white with the strong grip you had against the bedsheet. "'s too much!"

You never been fucked so hard in your life. The way your bed screeched against the floor and your headboard slammed against the wall with each thrust he gave you it was ridiculous. You tried turning your head to the side to avoid looking into his eyes.

“Look at me while I fuck you.”

“c-connn” you teeth bit into your lip making it wet, you held in the grunt of pleasure leaning forward trying to catch your breath. Your mind barely comprehending the massive orgasm you felt coming. He was rutting into you like an animal, had you squirming under him.

he grunted, while licking and nipping at your jaw line," Come on Ma. Just take it. It's too good..." He started to thrust up into you making you yelp out

" right there mama?" "mhm hmm" you shook your head not wanting him to stop " come on baby use your words" "Yes Connie..right there!"

you were gripping the sheets and screaming, tongue out begging. " O-ohh fuckk babyyyy"

im gonna cum mama" he groaned into your head while kissing and sucking on your neck.

he grabbed your hand while his hand still gripped your jaw and his thumb rubbing against your cheek.

"cum inside mee" you purred

" y/n. dont say shit like that. You want my cum for real." You tried catching your breath but you barely got the words out from how deviously hard he was fucking you. "Yes Con. please."

His hips was ramming his cock in and out of you. You feared he'd break you the way he was fucking you. He rutted into you faster and harder. You could barely get a sound out of your throat

You felt yourself tighten and clenching his cock while you came, squirting on his hips and your chest. Connie was still rutting into you.

"Fuck y/n mm cumming" You felt Connie fill you up inside the sensation of it had your eyes rolling back and you cumming around his cock again.

Connie pulled it and watched his cum trickle down your thighs.

Connie felt like he was was on cloud nine. He felt like he shouldve asked you to be his girl first but things got a lil heated.

Connie pulled you off the bed and dragged you to your bathroom so you can both clean up and shower together.

[sparkly-sediment]

Tf2 Mercs Weedequitte

Asks are open my little giggle biscuits!

Scout

He hands that joint back WET

Slobber dripping off the sides, the tips cold when you go to take a puff, and you can see the corner of his mouth glisten

If Scout ever got high he would have munchies and get scared. He would have to go outside and walk around, maybe even hug a tree for comfort

Coughing and gagging in the most annoying way possible. Like that one cat picture with its protruding tongue and watery eyes void of complex thought

Scout couldn’t handle a bong. Just couldn’t. Stick to a cold can of bang! He might try to make a bong outta a bang can, but he won’t figure it out

Soldier

Do not give him weed.

Do not give him anything.

Dont give him any drug hes insane nuts bonkers and, yes, even bananas

He took acid once by mistake. Ended up in Europe a year after the war ended

Soldier is borderline on a good day but king will spiral into a drug induced psychosis. There will be bugs, skin, and a whole lot of paperwork for Medic

Wouldn’t even smoke he’s a total fucking narc too

Says devils lettuce

Demoman

Uses every weed euphemism known to man

Mary J is his fav. Kush, grass, gas, doubie, all of them

Approaches Sniper while the poor bastard making his trek between camper and civilization. Demo does an insinuating chuckle and says, ‘let’s make love to that wee lass Mary J’

Sniper starts running

He prefers drinking but this guy smoked some grass back in the day. Doesn’t fuck around and can pass a blunt without falling out

In half baked, Demo is the guy who gets munchies and accidentally kills the horse

Will smoke with Sniper and always provides what he can or hits a curtesy role, but he doesn’t pursue weed much and if snipes didn’t share, probably wouldn’t smoke

It does help the pain from his missing eye!

Pyro

One time, he got wild.

Pyro burned down an entire pot grow and was absolutely spazzing off that za rolling his way down the mountain

They were on the astral plane the entire hike down. Pyro crashed through the trees, crawled, laughed hysterically, cried, and vomited. Pyro drank water from a creek thinking it was the fountain of immortality

Pyro befrinded a squirrle named Banabo Jo. He knew Jo and knew his people were wise and brave. Banabo Jo recognized Pyro’s mystical capabilities and ability to see beyond, thus creating a mutual respect and brotherhood.

Banabo Jo guided Pyro from the mountain top and into the Heart of the Valley. He watched over as Pyro awaited rescue and gave the sacred squirrel farewell through the van window

(hypersensitive to drug induced psychosis)

Heavy

Rolls a blunt on Medic’s back and smokes it while they fuck

Smokes weed but only pipes. Very rarely will roll with paper, typically in the aforementioned situation

He can do some of the smoke tricks like puffing out O’s. He cannot french inhale and tbh has a chronic stuffy nose 😏

Medic

Wholeheartedly believe in and support the usage of medical marijuana

Smoked a little weed in university, but his classmates were too scared of him to invite him to the smoke sesh

He kinda gives off narc vibes!! Completely chill though, unless he could gain from blackmailing you

Asks if Sniper wants to puff and Sniper is shocked! Medic uses pompous words like oder tho and not the German oder

Arches his back so Heavy can sprinkle some flower on him for the roll-hole ritual

Engineer

Scene in Top Gun, “we’re in the spirit world asshole!” HIM OKAY HIM

Builds intricate and sick as fuck bong structures, dab rigs, and some real crazy stoner shit.

He love getting blazed and tinker with something, but that did cost him the tip of his pinkie finger

He’s a lightweight and really just skims a hit or two and bounces

Totally hotboxes that fucking workshop

Spy

He’s a classy kind of smoker

No weed inside, at least not his house. Very discreet about it and even if he was just in the world’s foggiest hotbox, he would never snell like week

No weed smell ever it’s incredible

Mainly sticks to cigarettes but he will smoke with Sniper.

Smoking, whether it be weed or cigarettes, is a form of foreplay for them fr

He never has cotton mouth either

Sniper!!

Save the best for last bc he is a canon pothead

Sniper just tries to be a chill guy. Go to work, fire a gun, smoke some weed. Would he like more? Sure. But is he okay where he’s at? Good enough

The first to discover his gardening habit was Spy. The whole breaking and entering thing really gives away secrets

Sniper has SO MUCH TEA. Various team members come to him and smoke, which is cool with him. He prefers when they replenish his stash, though. Or at least give him something in return

When they smoke they also complain. Inhibitions are dropped and suddenly Sniper knows that Demo is pissed at Medic for not letting him drink rubbing alcohol, every though Demo knew it would kill him, because he and Pyro were trying to light a burp on fire

He only enjoys smoking with Spy and Ms. Pauling. Pauling is fun and they talk mad shit together, maybe do something stupid on a minor scale

Spy and Sniper venture into the bush if yk what im saying. Weed is just kinda a plus but Spy can get too zesty sometimes

[sluts4matt]

HIGHER (420 special)

pairing: bsf!nate x mixed reader

summary: you've celebrated 4/20 every year since you were sixteen with a group of your friends, this year you were bringing one of your good friends nate to the get together. what happens when things take a turn between you two

warnings: SMUT, p in v, semi-public, swearing, making out, use of weed, pet names (use of ma), praising, use of y/n

word count: 2316

authors note: this was supposed to be out last week i'm ngl, i've just been busy and did in fact celebrate 4/20 so i fell asleep before i really got any work in on it.

view my master list here

april twentieth had to be your favorite day. the day your people got together to celebrate a plant helping them with the cruel world. this year you were happy to say your best friend nate would be joining you and your friends.

you pulled the tank top over your head, looking at yourself in the mirror before grabbing your watermelon flavored lip balm that your friend nick gave you.

you opened the tube, twisting the product up some before smearing it on your lips and smacking them together.

you slid on a pair of shoes, grabbing your pink bag containing pre-rolls and dabs, grabbing your keys and exiting your house. you locked the door and climbed in the driver's seat of your car, pulling away from your house.

you pulled up to the dispensary, walking into the shop. the bell above the door jingled when you pushed it open. "my favorite - shouldn't be here - customer," a girl with curly black hair and tattoos covering her arms smiles.

"hellooo whitney," you smile, walking up to the older woman. "need a new cartridge?"

"i mean... i didn't, i came in here for more dab, i'll be out by the end of the night. but do you have the blueberry kush west coast cure cartridge since i'm here?"

whitney nodded her head, you had come in a while back looking for one, but they didn't have any in stock. "you're in luck, we just got our inventory for the month last week."

you followed the woman to the back, not that you were supposed to be there since it was employees only. "hey, y/n," a guy with a backwards hat and gages greeted.

"hey axel," you greet, stopping behind whitney as she digs through boxes. "how are the babies?"

axel grins, his eyes crinkling up at the corners. "good, my girlfriend took the week off work so she could stay with them."

"ohhh that's so nice," you say. you had seen the twins a few times, even being blessed enough to babysit for a few hours while him and his girlfriend had date night.

whitney let out a small shout of success. "here it is, now, you're going to want to start low and then work your way up. you're a light weight compared to most of our customers."

you roll your eyes at her, "i am not," you huff. "that's not what i saw last time i did your nails," the lady grinned. whitney had been your go to for nails, having practiced while she was in high school.

"whatever," you roll your eyes, following her to the front. she rung up the dab, already knowing what her favorite customer liked and a cartridge. she stopped you before you swiped your card.

you watched as she scanned her badge, giving you a 30% discount. "i'll forever be grateful," you tell her.

"you know it. enjoy, have fun," she winked.

you walked back to your car, placing the white bag in the back before backing out of the parking space. you turned your left blinker on, turning out of the driveway.

the drive to nates house wasn't long, a whopping ten minutes. you pulled up to the curb, not even having time to pull up his contact before he was walking out the door.

you unlocked the doors, nate sliding in the passenger seat. "i hope you're ready to get baked out of your mind," you joke. he let out a small chuckle, taking the grey hood he wore off of his head, leaving him in his pink beanie.

"nice beanie," you muse, pulling away from his house and towards the park.

"thanks," he mumbled. "i'm glad to be going with you, it'll be fun," he smiles. "mhm," you hum, pulling up to the park fifteen minutes later. you turned your blinker on, turning into the parking lot before taking a parking space next to your friend sadies jeep.

"ready?"

"yep," nate replied, climbing out of the car.

you pulled your bag from the back, slinging it over your shoulder and grabbing the white bag before shutting the door. "heyyy," sadie and her girlfriend, emma, greeted getting out of her jeep.

"hey hey," you grinned, the two girls hugging you. "we were waiting for you guys," sadie informed. you nodded your head, starting the small walk towards the group of people.

you had met sadie a few years ago, her girlfriend emma being a family friend of yours. nate had joined the group some months back, the two of you running into each other at dunkin and immediately hit it off.

"hey guys," you greet, everyone saying their hellos. "well let's get the party started then," a girl with dyed red hair stated, pulling a lighter from her bra as she lit up the blunt she had held between her fingers.

a few hours into the gathering, you were happily baked.

you sat between nate and sadie, nates hand wrapped around your waist in order to provide some form of heat for you as you ate the watermelon popsicles someone had brought.

you sucked the tip of it into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip. nate coughed next to you, you pulled the tip out with a pop, looking at him as he took a deep breath.

"are you okay?" you question, handing him the popsicle. he grabbed it, nodding his head. "i'm good," he choked out.

"alrighty then," you laugh, reaching up and grabbing his beanie, putting it on your own head. you stood, stretching and cracking your joints as you did so. you held your hand out to nate, "wanna take a walk?"

he grabbed your hand, allowing you to help him stand. you turned to your friends, letting them know where the two of you were going, emma and sadie wiggling their eyebrows.

you grabbed your bag, throwing it over your shoulder as the two of you started walking, nates hand still holding yours.

"i'm glad you came with me today," you admit, leaning against him.

"so am i," he agrees. the two of you walk in silence, enjoying each others company. you reach a large tree, nate letting go of your hand to climb up it.

"actually?" you giggle, watching the boy jump to wrap his arms around a branch. he looked down at you, a small grin on his face. "come on."

you set your bag on the ground, grabbing a hold of the branch and jumping. nate caught your ankle, helping you climb into the tree. "what are we doing in a tree," you question, leaning against him.

he took the beanie off of your head, putting it on his own. "because i like trees," he shrugs. "oh yeah," you giggle, resting your head on his shoulder. you sit in a comfortable silence, the air around the two of you growing tense.

nate leaned his head against yours, turning his head some so his lips were closer to your ear. "i'm really glad we became friends," he admitted, nudging the side of your neck with his nose.

"me too," you sigh, smiling.

he pressed a small kiss to the side of your neck, making your smile grow. "i'm glad to hear," he mumbled, placing another kiss.

you felt a small amount of heat pool in the pit of your stomach. "we should probably get down," you mumbled, pushing the feeling down.

"probably," he mumbled. you both stood, nate dropping from the tree first. he held his arms up, his hands wrapping around your calves, sliding up as you slid down.

your legs wrapped around his torso as you slid, in hopes to stabilize yourself more as you slid.

the two of you fell back onto the ground, nates hand coming to rest on your back as you laid on top of him. you let out a small gasp, nate's breath fanning your face as the two of you laughed.

"are you okay?" you giggle, lifting your head up some to look down at the boy. "never better," he grins, his eyes flickering from yours to your lips.

he lifted his head up some, pressing his lips to yours quickly before he could talk himself out of it.

you kissed back, his hand moving to grip the back of your neck. his thumb rubbed soothing circles, the kiss not being rushed. you pulled back, looking at him. "can we go to your house?"

"please."

you pushed yourself off of him, helping him up. you grabbed your bag, taking his hand and guiding him back to the party. "hey guys," you smile, catching the attention of the group.

"hey," a few greeted. "hey, um, we're going to head out," nate stated.

"ooohh," sadie grinned, a smirk on her face. "die," you point, earning a giggle from her. "i love youuuu," she yells as you walk away. "i love you too," you yell back, laughing.

the walk to your car was quiet, the two of you walking slowly. you stopped at the passenger side door, opening it for him. "such a gentlewoman," he grins, you rolling your eyes.

you slid into the drivers seat, buckling and starting the car. you pulled away from the park, nate resting his hand on your thigh. his thumb running circles on your thigh.

the air in the car was thick with sexual tension, your breathing a little heavy. nate slid his hand further up, his fingertips grazing your core.

"this okay?" he asked, noticing you let out a shakey breath. "yeah," you breathed, gripping the steering wheel harder.

his finger ran down your core, a small groan escaping his throat. "fuck," he muttered.

"what?" you questioned, glancing at him.

"you're soaking."

you let out a small whine, biting your lip. "pull over," he groaned.

"wha- why," you stutter. "because i don't think i can wait until we get to my house," he mumbles. you bite your lip, pulling off into a hidden part of the road.

"turn the car off," he mumbles, pulling his seatbelt off and sliding his seat as far back as it would go. you turn the car off, undoing your seatbelt and shifting to straddle his lap.

you leaned forward, attaching your lips to his. his hands gripped your waist, his hips bucking up to meet yours. "fuck, can't wait to be inside you," he groaned, kissing along your jaw.

you ground down against him, the two of you moaning in unison. nate slid his hand between the two of you, pushing your skirt up as he undid his pants.

he pulled his member out, stroking it a few times before pushing your underwear to the side. he groaned, your slick coating the head. "fuck, so wet," he groaned.

"all for you," you whispered, nipping his earlobe. he pushed you down, the head pushing into your entrance. "fuck," you squeaked shoving your face into his neck.

"oh shit," he moaned, your walls hugging him. he pulled your shirt and bra cup down, his mouth connecting to one of your nipples.

"fuck, nate," you whined, pulling his beanie off and grabbing his hair. his tongue flicked your nipple, his teeth grazing the sensitive nub.

he thrust his hips up, a cry escaping your mouth. "i'm sorry," he muttered, not stopping the shallow thrusts.

"fuck," you cried, the coil in the pit of your stomach tightening. "m'close," you moan. "already?" he grinned cockily, a moan escaping his own lips as you tightened around him.

you nodded your head, biting your lip and looking away from him. his hand grabbed your chin, pulling your head to face him. "let me hear that pretty voice," he cooed, thrusting up into you.

your hands rested on his shoulders, his thrusts speeding up. "fuck nate," you moaned. "right there," you cry, throwing your head back.

nate grinned, "right there ma?" he teased, his teeth connecting to your exposed neck. he thrusted into the spot, your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

"fuck," you moaned, the coil in your stomach snapping. your orgasm hit, your body shaking in his grasp.

"that's it," he encouraged. he kissed along your jaw, his hips working you through your orgasm.

"wait, shit," you moaned, his thrusts not faltering.

"why," he questioned, a small frown on his face. "cause... i'll cum again," you stutter. "okay, and?" he teased, biting his lip and smirking.

"oh," you moaned, leaning against him. he grabbed your ass, bouncing you in his lap. you leaned forward, connecting your lips to his.

he squeezed your ass, your walls clenching around him. "gonna make me cum," he breathed, his hips speeding up. you bounced with him, your breasts in his face. he kissed the tops of them, his lips moving across the skin.

"nate, oh my god," you moaned, throwing your head back. "so pretty," he breathed, his lips sucking a hickey into the skin above your nipple. "nate," you warned, your second orgasm approaching.

"cum for me," he ordered, his fingers digging into your waist.

you clenched around him, your second orgasm hitting. his hips stuttered, the coil in his stomach snapping as he shot his seed into you. the two of you panted, trying to catch your breaths.

he pressed his lips to yours, his hand roughly tangling in your hair. "so pretty," he murmured, pulling away and kissing along your neck. "such a pretty girl," he breathed, kissing your jaw.

"oh god," you breathed, your heart rate speeding up. nate smiled against your neck, pulling away and pressing his lips to yours. "so pretty," he breathed.

you bit your lip, sliding off his lap and adjusting your bra and skirt. nate tucked himself back in his pants, a blush on his cheeks. "wanna go to your place," you questioned, a shy smile on your face.

"absolutely," he grins. you start the car, buckling and backing out.

tag list:

@hysteria-things @tillies33ssss @soimightlikeoldmen69 @sturniolossss @freshsturns @etvar12 @sstvrnioloo @junnniiieee07 @sturnioloa @chrryclouds @sturniolhoe @sturniolowhore @imwetforyourmom @novasturniolo03 @spencerstits @junovrsmp4 @breeloveschris @skyslondon @stars4chratt @monkeyscientist22 @sophssturn @hearts4chriss @l5ka @sturnlovr @blahbel668 @sturncakez @livvy4realll @raysmayhem-72 @jnkvivi

[undomesticated-catgirl]

im a snapjaw. im bitin the fart bubbles in the watervine patch. we smokin qudzu symbiotes. smokin that south sunderlies house isner deluxe megadram kasaphescence kush. we smokin beetlebum. im on 12 ubernostrum injectors smokin on q girl dick. we smokin mangrove gelatinous prism boogers. we snortin that good six day stilt hot and spiny jibblies. they must have amnesia, they forgot that im xem. that bey lah backwoods pack hittin that hindrussy smell like a chitinous puma. we smokin shit from a glass hookah blowin shekhinah's bubbles. im sick in the head. im on that rainbow wood soupy sludge. im on them ekuemekiyyen greens. im on them omonporch asphodelytes. i left my zetachrome pumps in the reliquary, i'll have to stunt on them next time. i don't give a fuck if i get decapitated, i don't need that head anyway. im high on 12 pax klanqs, lookin to beat the cum out of an irritable palm. we smokin dilute warm static you stupid piece of shit, i'll fuckin kill you. call that pussy the asphalt mines, cause im in this bitch and i can't get out. last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some ulnar stimulators. the last thing he ever saw was the engraving on them. slowly faded into darkness, and i let the argent fathers take him.

[preservationofnormalcy]

neighbors smokin shit again. multicolor sparkly smoke. are yo guys gonna come down or do i put another round of buckshot through the wall?

Please do not do that. We -- wait, ANOTHER?

Look buddy, I get annoyed at wizards just the same as any mun mun mun mundane human, but if everyone shot at a wizard every time they did something obnoxious there'd be no wizards left. No offense, wizards.

Multicolor sparkly smoke...they might be, uh. Partaking in what we used to call hexweed. That good good cryptograss. Callin' up Mystic Jane for her special sorcery stash. Doing that Green Invocation.

Oh my god.

Burning that herb in the crystal ball. Rolling the occult joint the likes of which wizardkind had never seen. Runic reefer tended by the most spaced out spellcaster on the eastern seaboard. Smoking the kind of stuff that gives you illegal divinations, that wicked wicca-kush liable to make you live deliciously. Skunky six leafed plants watered with pure alchemy, you know what I mean.

That's not legal in very many states, still federally restricted. If you can live with the idea of being a narc you can report it through standard LEP Recon team channels.

...what?

[soaked4mk]

(Mk1) Flirty Intro Dialogues (part 3)

-Suggestive Content-

Bi-Han,Kuai Liang,Tomas Vrbada Peace Maker,Shao Kahn and Sindel

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Bi-Han 🌨️

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

★Y/N: “I’ve heard, contrary to your chiromancy, you’re actually not a chill guy, Bi-Han…”

-Bi Han: “And I’ve heard enough of your words.”

★Bi-Han: “Prepare for a cold loss.”

-Y/N: “Don’t tell me what to do, Frosty the snowman.”

★Bi-Han: “Liu Kang has never cared about your life.”

-Y/N: “And you do…?”

-Bi Han: *Scoffs, shaking his head* “you truly are blind….”

★Bi-Han: “You’re getting stronger with each fight, Y/N.”

-Y/N: “Rare of you to flatter me Bi-Han…”

★Bi-Han: “Your allure burns a fiery passion within my frozen soul.”

-Y/N: “Shang Tsung has definitely rubbed off on you…”

★Bi-Han: “If only you would listen-

-Y/N: “How dare you assume I would ever consider such an offer…?”

★Y/N: “I will never form an alliance with you….”

-Bi Han: *Scoffs* “Of course not, Y/N…”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Kuai Liang 🦂

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

★Kuai Liang: “You have a fiery spirit, Y/N.”

-Y/N: “I can set your heart ablaze if you wanted~”

★Y/N: “What a hottie~”

-Kuai Liang: *Shakes head while chuckling*

★Y/N: “Is it getting hot in here? Or is it just you…?” *corny smirk*

-Kuai Liang: “Are you trying to charm me, Y/N?”

-Y/N: “Is it working?”

★Y/N: “You fan the flame in my heart.” (Didn’t know about Harumi until hanging out with Tomas.)

-Kuai Liang: “I am honored”

★Kuai Liang: “I couldn’t help but notice you and Tomas getting rather… close”

-Y/N: “Does that bother you…married man?”

★Kuai Liang: “Of course a woman (man/person) as stunning as yourself can fight just as adequately.

-Y/N: “I’m flattered, Kuai Liang”

★Kuai Liang: “Have you prepared for this, little spitfire?”

-Y/N: “No need to prepare when I’ve already won.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Tomas 💨

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

★Y/N: *whistles* “What a smoke show”

-Tomas: *smirking* “Very clever, Y/N…”

★Y/N: “I hope you’re ready to lose, Vrbada.”

-Tomas: “Whatever you say krásné.”

(Beautiful)

-Y/N: “Huh-?”

★Tomas: “This will not be an easy fight.”

-Y/N: “Tell me something I don’t know.”

★Y/N: “Johnny says you talk about me often…?

-Tomas: *Clears throat* “Yes…but only good things…”

★Tomas: “I won’t be holding back this time, Y/N.”

-Y/N: “It won’t matter either way, smokey.”

★Tomas: “pěkný…”

(Pretty…)

-Y/N: “Tomas, I have no clue what

you’re saying…”

★Tomas: “Lord Liu Kang talks highly of you.”

-Y/N: “And you are about to see as to why”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Peace Maker ☮️

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

★ Peace maker: “Seriously…? How much kush do you smoke?”

-Y/N: “I have 20 bucks bro, sell me the sack.”

★ Y/N: “So if I just say ‘activate sonic-‘

-Peace maker: “do NOT-”

★ Y/N: “I’ve heard your actions are contrary to your message.”

-Peace Maker: “Dude, I’m just making peace, any way I can”

★Peace Maker: “Ready for this, sweet cheeks?”

-Y/N: *Rolls eyes* “Sweet cheeks…? And I thought Johnny was bad…”

★Y/N: “That helmet is certainly…”

Peace Maker: “Bad ass? I know right?”

★Y/N: “You and Kung Lao would get a long well.”

-Peace Maker: *confused* “What makes you say that?”

★Peace Maker: *smirking* “I see you checkin’ me out, cutie pie”

-Y/N: *lightly chuckling* “No, I’m judging your choice of uniform.”

★Y/N: “Naming your eagle ‘eagly’ is uhm…”

-Peace Maker: “Genius? I know, I know…”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Shao Khan 💀

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

★Y/N: “You have single handedly ruined your reputation, skull face.”

-Shao Kahn: *Scowls* “How dare you state something so foolish!?”

★Shao Kahn: “I’ve done nothing but serve the out world just as my family has, for generations.”

-Y/N: “If causing treasonous conduct is a part of ‘serving’ out world, then I don’t want to hear it, general.”

★Y/N: “Tell me you have toxic masculinity, without telling me you have toxic mas-“

-Shao Kahn: “Silence! you incompetent-“

-Y/N: “And here you go, proving my point…”

★Shao Kahn: “Why must you keep attempting battle with me?”

-Y/N: “You can’t beat a person who won’t give up, general.”

★Shao Kahn: “Why spar, when I can detect your fear, Y/N…?”

-Y/N: “A true warrior isn’t immune to fear, she (he/they) fights it out of spite.”

★Shao Kahn: “You could be victorious, in condition you submit, and join me.”

-Y/N: “Better to fight you with the possibility of falling, than to live without hope, Shao…”

★Shao Kahn: “Foolish of you to assume you won’t die during battle”

-Y/N: “I would rather die, than bow at the feet of a king, wearing a crown, studded of jewels of every life he has ended.”

★Shao Kahn: “You earth realmers, provoke me”

-Y/N: “Sounds like someone’s mad cause bad.” *smirks* “You mad cause bad Shao Kahn?”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Sindel 🔊

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

★Sindel: *snickers* “How quaint…I’ll be sure to enjoy this spar.”

-Y/N: “As will I, Empress.”

★Sindel: “I do hope you’ll be able to sustain during this battle”

-Y/N: *smirks* “I’ll be able to sustain, and then some, queen Sindel.”

★Y/N: “I just have to say, it’s an honor sparring with a beauty, such as yourself empress.”

-Sindel: *lightly chuckles* “Quite the flatterer, I see.”

★Sindel: “Aren’t you a bit young to be flirting with me, earth relamer…?”

-Y/N: “Heheh—It’s not about the age… it’s about the mileage, empress.”

★Y/N: “So what’s this ‘royal treatment’ I keep hearing about…?”

-Sindel: “Come over here and find out, my dear…”

★Sindel: “Liu Kang tells me you’re quite the formidable fighter.”

-Y/N: “And I’ll prove his case with this battle, your majesty.”

[duskymrel]

TWST characters as different people i've seen at school

yes most of this is slander

Riddle: The kid who treated being line leader as though he had just been elected President of the United States of America

Ace: Would stand up in class and shout "FOR KOBE" and throw a piece of paper at the trash bin. Would completely miss.

Cater: Filming a fucking TikTok dance in the middle of the school hallway during class transitions. Fucking MOVE, i got places to be. (I walk directly though their tiktok and ruin it)

Trey: That kid who's birthday you know by heart and eagerly await every year because he brings in the BEST desserts. The good kush.

Deuce: Says the stupidest shit in class unironically. Other guys are confused as to how this makes him more endearing but girls fawn all over him.

Azul: Passes by his crush (Jamil) in the hallway and thinks blud will stop and fall madly in love with him at first sight and will declare his love to Azul and it'll be something straight out of a teen girl movie. It ends up playing out exactly like this video: https://www.tiktok.com/@irljigsaw/video/7232906141385215274?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc

Floyd: Kid who only likes Chemistry because he's crazy excited about mixing chemicals and setting things on fire. Anything he makes in a lab he loudly comments on how badly he want's to take a bit fat slurp/bite out of it. (it's me i do this)

Jade: One of the mushroom core girlies. Wears mushroom jewelry, has mushrooms patterns on his clothes, draws them for art class, draws them on his notebooks and binders. It's almost obnoxious but he's forgiven by everyone because he's hot.

Leona: Literally doesn't give a shit about school. Shows up in pajama bottom's and takes the fattest nap right in the middle of Geometry.

Jack: The only nice guy on the football team, girls LUST for him ❤

Ruggie: The only class this kid liked was free and reduced lunch (real)

Kalim: Guy who refuses to eat school food. He's probably got the right idea, that nacho cheese sauce probably causes cancer. Brings the most banger lunches and makes people jealous. (Lunchables, the GOOD fruit gummies, chips, a cookie, and a Caprisun.)

Jamil: In classes where you're not allowed to eat, he's the kid who sits in the back and makes a 9 course Gordan Ramsay approved gourmet meal.

Idia: This was so easy this guy was the anime weebo who wore anime merch every day and sometimes even wore anime wigs to school. He won't admit it but he would Naruto run through the halls in middle school.

Ortho: The cute little innocent babey schnookums who the girls all doted on. Hurt him and you'll get jumped by every girl in the student body. Fuck around and find out type shit.

Vil: Bozo who would literally paint their nails in class and would be doing their eyeliner while the teacher was trying to explain mRNA.

Epel: YEEHAW REDNECK KID. you know who i mean. the one who wears a hat with the American flag on it every day and whenever the teacher tells them to take it off they go on a rant about how unpatriotic the teacher is.

Rook: The only kid who actually liked French class. Tries to rizz people up in the hallway and asks for their Snap but always fails. Maidenless behavior.

Malleus: The tall quiet emo kid who slumps in his chair on his phone, with the bottom resting on his belly. He looks like he's listening to edgy emo music but it's actually tooth rotting cheesy pop music

Lilia: The manic pixie dream girl who will spew the most wise sage advice when asked.

Sebek: Literally one of those girls who's attached to her boyfriend like a parasite. You cannot separate her. Overly loyal and won't stfu. Is like a mix between a golden retriever and a chihuahua.

Silver: I swear on my life he's one of the kids who's been adopted by his entire friendgroup. People love him he's just a likeable person. He makes a new friend and BOOM they've adopted him. You're my son now, boy.

--------

@heartscrypt i thought specifically of you while writing Azuls

anyways all of these are people i've known i've got irl sources for this. no i won't apologize for all the slander because it's funny.

[mirakurutaimu]

draynor flow

im a frog sucking the swamp bubbles in the swmap. we smokin ranarr herb. smoking that king awowogei south kharidian karambwan deluxe mega millions platinum token banshee bob kush. we smoking kalphite beetles. i'm on 12 saradomin brews smoking guthix dick. we smokin zeah banshee ashes. we snortin that good khazard asgarnian warlord jubblies. they must have a PK skull, they forgot that I'M HIM. that morytania backwoods pack hittin that rotten food smell like a slayer helm (i). we smokin swamp tar in a glassblowing pipe and blowing saradomin's bubbles. i'm sick in the head. i'm on them kandarin region purple sweets. i'm on them zul'andra zulrahs. i'm on them falador feeders. i like my ranger boots in the clue casket. i'll have to emote on em next time. i don't give a fuck if i get pk'd, i don't need to see the casket anyway. i'm high on 12 general graardors., lookin to beat the cum out of a thick fresh redwood. we smokin filtered runes you stupid piece of ****. i'll fuckin lure you. call that pussy the underground pass, cuz i'm in this bitch and i can't get out. last guy who ran off on the guild got choked out by some ferocious gloves. the last thing he ever saw was the ge exchange price on em.

[triviallytrue]

I'm moving different. This shit ain't nothing to me man. I'm a dog. I'm biting the fart bubbles in the bath. We smoking symbiotes. Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian Furburger Deluxe Mega Million Scratcher Skunk Bubba Kush. We smoking dung beetle. I'm on twelve Vicodins smoking on Scooby Doo dick. We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers? We snorting that good buffalo soldier tamarind Jordanian Jibbies. They must have amnesia, they forgot that I'm Him. That Burberry backwoods pack kitten that pussy smell, like a Hellcat VH. We smoking shit in a glass pipe blowing the Lord's bubbles. I'm sick in the head. I'm on them Broward County tic tacs. I'm on them Georgetown geronimos. I'm on them Nashville nibblers. I left my Margielas in the Benz truck, I'll have to stunt on them next time. I don't give a fuck if I go blind. I don't need to see the price tag anyway. We s- I'm high on twelve Jason Bournes looking to beat the cum out of a thick fresh hoe. We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit. I'll fucking kill you. Call that pussy The Matrix cuz I'm in this bitch, and I can't get out. Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers! Don't be shy girl, I love me some, pastrami mud flaps. I'm moving like French Montana. Hæh? Welcome to the cream kingdom bitch, open up! Blac Chyna, I drink her piss out of another man's balls. My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Herrelson. You ain't seen ten bands in your life, chit! Reach for my neck you'll get turned into an example. Y'all gotta stop playing with me man. I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the Great Pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man. Tied the opps to the back of a track hog. And dragged him around the block for twenty four hours. Motherfucker! Looked like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him. Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant. I'm moving like Oppenheimer. She drop that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Steven Wallace. Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm. I have seen the Magna Carta, I have seen the eye of Horuh. I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before you all even became a type 1 civilization. This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit. Step the wrong way and you will perish. That pussy feel like Biscoff butter. You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cuz I don't give a shit. If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke, cuz I don't give a shit. My bitch look like David Hasselhoff. I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack. This shit ain't nothing to me man I'll kill you you stupid piece of shit

dracula flow is the spiritual complement to the northern boys

[claredanko]

I’m moving different

This shit ain’t nothing to me man, I’m a dog. I’m biting the fart bubbles in the bath

We smoking Symbiote

Smoking that Whoopi Goldberg South Egyptian fur burger Deluxe Mega Millions scratcher skunk bubba kush

We smoking dung beetle

I’m on 12 vicodins, smoking on Scooby-Doo dick

We smoking Sequoia banshee boogers

We snorting that good Buffalo Soldier tamarind Jordanian gibbies

They must have amnesia, they forgot that I’m him. That Burberry backwoods pack hitting that pussy smell like a Hellcat V8

We smoking shit in a glass pipe, blowing the Lord’s bubbles

I’m sick in the head

I’m on them Broward county Tic-Tacs, I’m on them Georgetown Geronimoes

I’m on them Nashville nibblers

I left my Margiela’s in the Benz trunk, I’ll have to stunt on them next time

I don’t give a fuck if I go blind, I don’t need to see the price tag anyways

I’m high on 12 Jason Bournes, looking to beat the cum out of a thick, fresh oak

We smoking filtered crack you stupid piece of shit, I’ll fucking kill you

Call that pussy The Matrix, cause I’m in this bitch and I can’t get out

Last guy who ran off on the pack got choked out by some Givenchy gloves. The last thing he ever saw was the price tag on them. Slowly faded into darkness, and I let the archangels take him. I need more Sequoia banshee boogers

Don’t be shy girl, I love me some Pastrami mudflaps

I’m moving like French Montana: haan

Welcome to the Cream Kingdom bitch, open up. Blac Chyna, I’d drink her piss out of another man’s balls

My shooter a crackhead, he look like Woody Harrelson

You ain't seen ten bands in your life, jit

Reach for my neck, you'll get turned into an example

Y'all gotta stop playing with me man

I threw diamonds at the strip clubs under the great pyramids. I pushed a camel through the eye of a needle. This shit ain't nothing to me man

Tied the opps to the back of a Trackhawk and dragged them around the block for 24 hours

Motherfucker look like a Resident Evil 5 campaign extra after we was done with him

Opps wanted some initiative, blew up their entire quadrant

I'm moving like Oppenheimer

She dropped that ass on me from an egregarious angle, they thought I was Stephen Wallace

Top shelf zaza, disrupted my circadian rhythm

I have seen the Magna Carta, I have the seen the eye of hor

I was flipping bricks for Mansa Musa before y'all even became a type I civilization

This shit ain't nothing to me you stupid piece of shit

Step the wrong way and you will perish

That pussy feel like Biscoff Butter

You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, cause I don't give a shit

If I had a dollar for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke cause I don't give a shit

My bitch look like David Hasselhoff

I balled so hard they thought I was a fucking nutsack

This shit ain't nothing to me man, I'll kill you, you stupid piece of shit

[peterbythewayi]

Being human

What if the team of guys on a mission had a sixth person - a female Marine from intelligence?

from the author: so guys, this work is a rewrite of the plot of the film, which features my original female character [she looks like Blanca Soler]. also my English not so good, I'm sorry.

Part I

"...you need five guys and a pilot. In total, six,” Tom estimated offhand, voicing his thoughts out loud.

Hearing that they would need one more person, Santiago stopped, looking at his friend with a poorly hidden smile.

“Six,” the man repeated, grinning. "It seems I have a little man in mind."

Tom furrowed his dark eyebrows. It seems that Santiago's sly smile did not bode well.

* * *

"Girl, Santi, are you mad?"

"Calm down, Tom, she works in the US Marine Corps."

"She barely crossed the threshold of eighteen years old, she’s not even an adult!"

"She can be useful to us!"

“I don’t deny it, but damn it, Pope, I don’t want to be responsible for her.”

Garcia exhaled tiredly, closing his eyes and running his hand over his face. For a quarter of an hour they had been arguing about the young girl whom Santiago had offered to take on the mission. Tom was categorical and flatly refused, arguing that she was too young and inexperienced. Despite all the respect for his friend, the man began to be angry at his prejudiced attitude towards her.

“Chill, both of you,” William intervened, having previously silently listened to the squabble between his friends. The next question was addressed personally to Santiago: "How did she even find you?"

* * *

Four days ago.

“Santiago Garcia,” a tall, strong man in uniform approaches him and salutes him. "US Marine Corps Major James Robertson."

"How can I help you?" - Santiago asks, carefully looking into the guest’s eyes.

"Meet Staff Sergeant of the US Marine Corps Anna Kushing, she works in the intelligence department. She came to you on orders from management."

Only now did Garcia notice the girl standing behind him. She was wearing a Marine Corps uniform - trousers with ironed creases, a jacket tightly belted, shirt, tie, shoes, cap - everything was indecently perfect and the man instinctively ran his hand through his hair, pursing his lips.

Her boss, citing important matters, hurriedly left, nodding to the girl lastly. She followed him with her gaze and discreetly licked her lips, finally turning to the gloomy Garcia.

“Santiago,” he nodded, holding out his palm to her out of politeness.

Anna carefully shook his rough hand with hers; Santiago noted that her hands were too soft for a scout (although maybe it seems to him, who knows). He continued to openly stare at her while she stared back at him.

* * *

"She was appointed as my... I don’t know, intern or something. Recently we were on a mission, the one from which I returned with news about Lorea, and there,” Santiago made an expressive pause, looking around at everyone present, “she showed herself.

"What, she was afraid of the first shot?" Tom said lazily.

Santiago looked at him with dissatisfaction and rolled his eyes.

"She knows her stuff. Plus she works in Marine Corps intelligence and has some experience."

“And plus she’s pretty good,” responded Benny, who had been silent until then, inserting his own comment about her. Frankie, who was sitting next to him, looked at him and grinned.

Santiago glanced at William. He looked very tense; Apparently, he was thinking whether it was worth violating all his moral principles for the sake of one mission.

Finally Tom, exhaling heavily, said: "Alright. Fine. But,” he interrupted the joyful smile spreading on Garcia’s lips and continued more seriously: "The responsibility for her is on you. I'm too old for this shit."

Santiago couldn’t hold back a happy laugh and patted the gloomy Davis on the shoulder, after which he quickly disappeared out the door and returned with the girl.

As Tom said, she was young and inexperienced, she looked about eighteen to nineteen years old. She had her hands tucked into the pockets of her beige jeans, over which she was wearing a black long-sleeve shirt and shoes. William could tell with certainty that she was a pedant just by her appearance, while his brother was more interested in looking at the girl herself than at her personality.

“Guys, Anna,” Santiago introduced her and, putting his hand on her shoulder, began pointing at the guys in turn, introducing her to them: “Meet Tom Redfly, Frankie Catfish, Benny and William Ironhead. Everyone has their own call sign, well, except for Benny, we just shortened his name.”

"Or someone just isn't cool enough to have a nickname," Frankie said with a grin, causing William to smile, to which Ben rolled his eyes.

“Now I’m not the youngest one on the team,” he snorted, folding his arms over his chest.

"My call sign is Edith."

Benny blinked; it seemed to him that he had misheard.

"When recruited into intelligence, I was given this pseudonym. The guy clearly understood literature,” Anna snorted and only William understood the reference. She notices his soft smile and barely noticeably twitches the corner of his lips.

Ben rolled his eyes a second time and shook his head. This time he really looked offended.

Anna turned to Santiago, who patted her on the shoulders and smiled encouragingly. Looking around the team, he said: "Departure is on Thursday."

[xolasdoesntknow]

My current dnd guy Valerian 🌿 he's a satyr druid cleric and they may or may not partake in the good dollar store kush to cope with the horrors

[sheriffopossum]

So I had a silly goofy thought earlier while on my lunch break LMAO. I feel like this has probably happened, poor Howdy can't take this shit no more smh 😔✌️

Gangster!AU belongs to @krasytoonz

Ancient ass vine reference:

Stitched vertical format comic below the cut 🫠

[squid-de]

DRACULA, THE COUNT — "I'm shivering different. This shit ain't nothing to me, man. I'm a black hound. I'm licking my wounds in the grass. We smoking opportunistic microorganisms. Smoking that Roustame Diodore south Advesperascit page-three girl deluxe cryptozoological protoplasmic kush. We smoking Col Do Ma Ma Daqua. I'm on twelve Pyrholidons, smoking on phasmatodean dick. We smoking that Boogie Street boogers? We snorting that good Franconigerian cavalry jibbies. They must have retrograde amnesia, they forgot that I'm *Raphaël Ambrosius Costeau*. That Pox pack hittin' that pussy smell, like a Coupris Kineema. We smoking shit in apricot faïence, blowing Her Innocence's bubbles. I'm sick in the head. I'm on them Coal City tic-tacs. I'm on them Yekokataa apple nibblers. I'm on them Tioumoutiri geronimos. I left my prybar in the lorry, I'll have to can-open them next time. I don't give a fuck if I go hobo. I don't need to see the hostel bill anyway. We s-- ...I'm high on twelve Dick Mullens looking to beat the viscous goo out of a fresh Puta peone. We smoking spirit bombs, you stupid piece of shit! I'll fucking eat your mind! Call that pussy the Coalition Government, 'cause I'm in this bitch, and I *can't get out*. Last guy who ran off on the precinct got choked out by some Fairweather T-500 gauntlets. The last thing he ever saw was the kinetic redistributors on them. Slowly faded into the pale, and I let the Angel of History take him. I need some Boogie Street boogers! Don't be shy girl, *I want to have fuck with you*. I'm shivering like Arno van Eyck. Bwee?! Welcome to the Apricot Suzerainty, bitch, open up! Guillaume le Million, I suck his cocaine out of another man's eyeballs. My hetero-sexual life partner a speedfreak, he look like Guillaume Bevy. You ain't seen ten centims in your life, bino! Reach for my wrist and you'll get turned into a Game Over. Y'all gotta stop playing with me, man. I threw the Filippian crown jewels at Le Petit Rat catacombs under Corpus Mundi. I have built 0.000% of Communism. This shit ain't *nothing* to me, man. Tied the SKULLS to the back of a motor carriage and dragged 'em around Rue de Saint Ghislaine for twenty-four hours. Motherfucker! Looked like a pinball goat after we was done with him. SKULLS wanted some initiative, blew up their entire tenement. I'm shivering like Franconegro. She drop that ass on me from an internally coherent angle, they thought I was Kras Mazov. Top-shelf pilsner, disrupted my infra-materialism. I have seen the March decree, I have seen *le Retour*. I was Jamrock shuffling for the Perikarnassian before you all even became an isola. This shit ain't nothing to me, you stupid piece of shit. Drive the Motorway South and you will *dither*. That pussy feel like Samaran butter. You think I care about this shit? Ask me if I care about this shit, 'cause I don't give a shit. If I had a reál for every time they said I gave a shit, I'd be broke, 'cause I don't give a shit. My ex-something look like Dolores Dei. I grooved so hard they thought I was Ostentatious Orchestrations. This shit ain't *nothing* to me, man, I'll pale-bomb you, you stupid piece of shit!"