#thats my mental health and money and illness

[crow-caller]

Hi, I've followed you since Lightlark and I just want to say- this may sound weird (and if so I apologize) but hearing about you being neurodivergent, aroace and such is kind of really helpful to me, because you're cool and have a lot of interesting thoughts and generally seem like a kind of person I'd be happy to be.

I stress a lot about missing out on "normal" life things, like romance or going out on the town to have "fun" (despite loathing alcohol, unfamiliar food, bright lights, loud noise and crowds) or what have you, but you know, maybe it's okay if I eat the same few foods and take joy in my niche passions. Maybe, if I listen to your angel book talks with delight, there's people who would listen to my rambles about dragons or conlangs (or dragon conlangs!) as well?

yeah!!

this is one reason I am pretty forward about this. I have been working to moderate how much personal info I just cavalier share on the internet but mostly I do it because it is a case of me hoping it helps others. I didn't know I was autistic for a very long time, same really with ace and such. I still am questioning much of my identity and have for years, and it took me a while to get okay with just being questioning and undefined. Autism too I was really against ME having at first, because my family is all autistic and difficult so I had a bad idea of what autism was. Now I realize I 100% am and actually I am cool, so it is cool.

So I realize how hard it is to see people at all like you and while I'm having any shimmer of spotlight inexplicably I figure I ought to be telling people you can just sort of get by having a weird self-defined life of whatever you want and it's fine. I'm 26, I'm very autistic and chronically ill, I'm ace and maybe a bit aro and just sort of an adult who is allowed to be all those things. I took a long time to realize this but you act as you want and be honestly yourself, and if you're lucky you can just find a friendgroup on similar wavelengths who will enjoy all of that stuff you do and offer

[androcola]

if you could see that you’re making excuses for yourself instead of opportunities we wouldn’t be having this conversation whatsoever. you post shit online and then when people try to help you avoid it. grow the fuck up and get a spine.

give me $9000

[bitegore]

(not actually serious post) someone send me $20 so i can buy a burger

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[800-dick-pics]

Praying for a Better New Year!!!

Im a Black disabled 2S and my girlfriend a reconnecting Indigenous trans woman have been struggling almost continuously throughout the pandemic. We have gone thru lots of physical, emotional and systematic state violence and We both are at our breaking points.

And before i get deeper into this im genuinely asking yall DO NOT TRIGGER TAG this post as it will basically get minimal traction, because this is a donation post!

Many things have increased my/our financial load and stress in the past 6 months, my (still abusive) mother had a series of mini strokes/1 heart attack which led to me taking care of her, more bills and all the house work. Due to her still being abusive Ive chosen to start helping her from a far, because my mental stability has been worn thin and constantly on the back burner.

My partner @grumblybutch this year has gone through a lot of family abuse, transmisogyny, housing and food insecurity, which has really broken their spirit. With all thats going on in our lives as well as personal, cultural and spirtual reasons my girlfriend really wants to get dual citizenship and be able to live/work on their land again.

We have been cfunding already to make this happen but recently we have a had 3 major set backs to getting my partner dual citizenship.

1. We have found mold INSIDE the walls which we cant fix until the pnw rain stops, we need to buy 2 HEPA air filters for the rooms until we can fix the whole walls, because my mother and I have breathing issues, approx $300-$350

2. My ex boss literally stole $455 from under me right before the holiday break, hasn't paid me for a very long time, so until I get that money we have had to dip into the flight/citizenship fund, but even then we havent been able to get much in the mean of groceries or necessities

3. A few days ago my partner attempted suicide due to all the stressors life has put them through this year, and while this isnt an initial monetary set back, we are going to prioritize our mental health as much as possible, esp my girlfriends after this. We are looking for treatment options for them atm but since theyre out of state we have to pay out of pocket for the treatment they need.

Our original goal to get the funds for tickets/citizenship was January 7th but Its clear that with 7 days left, and 3 major set backs we will not be meeting our goals by then

We are going to use what funds we have left to get some necessities and basics for the house. And hope to re raise the money for tickets and for the HEPA filters and mental healthcare my girlfriend really needs.

our new goal is $1,800, due to the various setbacks, but when I get paid Ill be saving some to go toward our goal as well.

I truly just want to be able to breath, eat and keep us safe before I leave with my lover back to her land, This is all very important to us, thank you for reading.

CA: $sleepyhen or $grumblybear

VN: wildwotko or XochiRose

DM @grumblybutch for PP

[faiiryteethh]

Trigger Warning: Rare Illness/Health Issues [wasn't sure if this need a tw but these topics make some ppl uncomfy so i wanted to be considerate anyway💜]

so a lot of ppl have been asking me why i don't post pics anymore or why i have barely been on social media compared to how i used to be. and the reason is i've been having severe health issues for a very long time. i can't even remember the last time i went more than a month without feeling nauseous, or actually throwing up, or just having headaches and stomach pain that are so bad i can barely tolerate them.

i've known for a while that i have gastritis, but my mom & my bf convinced me to go to a new doctor for a second opinion. after months & months of pure agony and feeling exhausted and sick to the point where i have no energy, i finally know why. i went to a specialist and discovered i have a rare illness called CVS (Cyclic vomiting syndrome). and i also am lactose intolerant which was amplifying my symptoms because i eat dairy products constantly.

i am going to be starting treatment for it and i really hope it improves my life and my ability to function because i am so tired of "living" like this. just existing has been exhausting and painful. i literally haven't been able to accomplish any of the goals i have because i can't go more than a few days without feeling horrible.

i already feel useless because i'm autistic and i have bipolar 1 and i'm waiting on disability payments to come through because i am unable to work with my disabilities. so my bf has been working and doing his best to take care of me and our kids. i just feel so horrible and guilty all the time. and i genuinely didn't know why i feel sick 24/7. all i want is to feel like myself again. and to do all the things i miss doing. i feel like i'm trapped by this illness.

i'm grateful to have answers and know what i'm dealing with finally. but after suffering like this almost every single day for so long its so hard to feel hopeful for the future at this point. i'm literally in tears as i type this. its just been really bad. i never do my makeup anymore or feel good about myself. i can barely move sometimes because the pain in my stomach is so bad or i get pain in my throat from vomiting for hours at a time, and then i get MORE pain from dry heaving due to not being able to hold down any food. and then i get random migraines and headaches that last all day as a result of all of that. its taking a huge toll on my body and my mental health. my depression gets worse during the winter season so when this started getting really bad it just made my mental health a million times worse. its literal hell.

but yeah thats why i haven't been online. real life is hard enough and i haven't been motivated to post because of the hell i'm going through or a lot of the time i physically CAN'T make content. but i'm going to keep trying. i'm going to do every fucking thing my doctors tell me to do because im so fed up with suffering. i promise that i will make content again and post the things i create and other stuff i used to post about before i stopped being able to function. as soon as i start to feel semi normal or at least well enough to do daily activities and complete even small goals, i will post about it. i'll keep u guys updated.

i appreciate every single person who follows me and my content, and all the ppl who keep checking up on me and wondering where the fuck i went. i love you guys so much💜 and i'm so sorry to all the ppl who haven't heard from me. if i can gain at least a little bit of my physical strength and health back, i will be so happy. i also am trying to get vitamins prescribed to me because im severely lacking nutrients but they are so expensive and i can't afford them out of pocket until i get my disability money. i'm also anemic and have to start taking iron supplements again. i'm just a giant ball of health issues😭 its actually ridiculous how bad my health has been. but i'm a mom and for that reason i will never stop trying. i will do whatever it takes to get better. i don't think my health could get much worse than it is currently. hopefully i didn't just jinx myself by saying that😭

sorry for the super long explanation, i just have sooo many messages in my inbox and questions that you guys send me that i haven't answered. i don't want to leave u in the dark. the connections i've made on this silly little blog mean the world to me. and everything i've been going through has been so hard to explain. but since i recently got a REAL answer as to why i'm suffering so much, i felt it was a good time to let you guys know what is going on with me. like i said, when i am able to feel somewhat normal again i will post consistently and re-open my shop too! it sucks so bad having a passion for creating but being too sick to even get out of bed other than to get sick in the bathroom. i've been to the emergency room more times this month than i have in the last 4 years. if i can overcome this awfulness i will not take it for granted. i will work harder than i ever have to create and share it with the world. but for now i just have to sit back and do whatever my doctors tell me to do and hope to god that it helps me 😞

[charlieisacastle]

⚠️Help Me Pay for My Expenses and Get Top Surgery⚠️

so as some of you might know, ive been in a really bad situation for the past 5 months. i had to escape my home country and am currently about to go homeless because i dont have much money left. i hv...a lot of mental health issues also diskmsjj.

ive also dealing with chest dysphoria more than ever and want to get them off of me so bad.

my friend made this GoFundMe for me, you are welcome to donate if you can. even a little counts. and if not thats okay too 🌹 you can help by sharing this post or the link around 💚

https://gofund.me/dca6a437

thank you for reading and i hope you all have enjoy ur holidays 🌟 i love you all :D

ive tagged everyone i interact with or knows me. im sorry if u didnt want to be tagged let me know and ill delete it <3 love you all

@gemstarstarlight @jelazakazone @queerhoodies @chrismequick @jinxdragons @youngroyalist @thatdude-noah @cdk4460 @nuggies4life @sexynugget @veryimportantqueer @helloviennacalling @hellfirelady @chronic-defeatist @mayashawk3 @geoguessbur @submissive-dumbass @joelockescoffee @spinninwiththestars @parissquads @charliespringsleftconverse @eliskies @heartstopperthoughts @writhingcreature @meloncholic-bookworm @esynk @aledradio @immortals-malec @even-more-incorrect-ego-quotes @wantmeifyouwantme @splinterbean @amsaro @impostoradult @marcoofthemoon @ukulillii @taketwoinink @bobthebuilder-icantfixit @chulemonchi @barrowsteeth @ghostfilesbirch @unabletocomply @w1steria-tea

[thehadesincident]

hades fun ramble abt how the yttd fandom treats shin tsukimi :)

haiiii so if you know me you know that i have one billion illness about some guy named shin tsukimi from yttd! and i have some issues on how the fandom writes him, this is coming from someone who has health issues so im going to be somewhat projecting but! hopefully not that much. all of it is going to be under cut!

this is going to cover a lot of spoilers.. so i wouldnt click it unless you finished the game. its also going to cover topics like ableism and a mention of toxic relationships but thats expected when you want to talk about shin and the fandom

so in game (epsically in your turn to shine) its heavily hinted that shin is someone who has health issues (chronic illness and the works), even in the base game it is shown that shin is physically weak (chapt one in the bar where he tries to open the drawer for example.).

and how the fandom made that into shin being a weak person, but not in a strength sense, in the sense that he cant protect/cant hold his own (looking at you shin ship writers.). but! thats just the only issue right? (this is also ableism to me in a way.. but i cant put my words right at the moment.)

nope!! theres more. the fandom at times made shin out to be a 'dirty' person, someone who is gross and unclean. even if that's far from canon (there being a line that shins hands are clean in game.) and to me, thats just stereotypes of people who are mentally ill coming into play. saying that people who suffer from mental illness cant treat themselves on their own. which in some cases may be true, but not in all of them.

i also think this ties into shin being a person who was in game he is saving money, he is a job hopper which some fans took as he is poor which mean hes dirty.. which is just gross that people think just because a person may be poor, automatically means they're dirty.

theres also the issue with shadow sou (also know as shadsou in the fandom) where (some) people treat it as not a part of shin, it just being a part of midori. shin didnt bring out the hiyori persona out of nowhere, it wouldnt make sense that shin is some 'soft boy'.

fans tend to forget that shin isnt the best person, even in a few pregame thoughts. he can still be an asshole without being told about the 0.0% thing. you can let him be petty, you can let him be sly, you can let him be mean. he doesnt need to be doomed to do any of that.

its the same with the shinai, we only really saw small bits of the shinai.. and guessing from his dialog, he is still close to hiyori and that can affect how he acts, but that doesnt mean a pre game shin acts just like shinai, his an ai for a reason, he learns over time and picks up his own traits. its similar to how the fandom treats highschool shin and his friendship with hiyori and thats a whole another can of worms.

people who say they dont ship hiyori and shin.. and then say they dated in the past are an issue to me. not every toxic friendship has to be romantic, yes hiyori wanted to study shin, but thats because he wanted to see how much he can push a person. even the shinai says he likes to experiment on people, and hiyori most likely did the same with shin but more in a mental sense.

theres a reason why i dont interact with people who tag stuff with their ship tag, i dont trust them to take them in a way thats just them being 'friends'. and if you see it like that or make it out so hiyori isnt that bad of a person... block me i dont want you guys near me. (this goes with those 'midori isnt a bad person!!' au writers to. get out.)

on the topic of shipping, a handful of people who ship shin with people srsly make him out to be someone whos weak and needs to be protected by whoever the pairing is with. you guys just want your yaoi. i see this the most in keishin / alishin circles. shin doesnt need to be 'saved' or whatever, he just needs to heal on his own time, he doesnt need a romantic partner in his life for that.

thats a good part of my thoughts! if you have any questions on my thoughts on shin you can send me an ask here or shoot me a dm on discord :3 (samuraiyaiba)

[its-koili]

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

[a-romantic--aromantic]

<- is making insane decisions about aro/aspec “picnic” at pride next year.

The plan was originally to have it be completely unofficial and just me in the dc pride festival on an aro flag picnic blanket with some crafts but idk my mental health is crashing and making these things/organizing this may help. idk i want my future to be in community organizing so. it makes me feel good. anyways onto what i was talking about:

So. im deciding if i want to be someone with a table or not, if i want it to be aro or aspec, or if i want to have pride stuff available for donation only or not (aka no money accepted). (idk what to donate towards. maybe just explaining that i made all of this with my own free time/ money and any extra money will get donating to ace and aro advocacy project- which i think is located in the same city as the pride event- or AUREA? or just outright donating but… this all sounds really expensive which im anxious about but. i am okay with outright donating if thats a better idea idk)

ANYWAYS

I’m not sure if a table costs money or anything, but I dont think aro culture and aro pride should be locked behind a paywall. If I have aro pride stuff available, it would likely be:

bulk purchased silicone rings. the packs of rings dont just come in white, and almost always contain black, but id just have all the colors in a bowl with a sign about the meanings of black and white rings

diy low quality stickers. and im talking printouts and packing tape level quality. id probably also reach out to some aro/aspec artists if theyd be okay with me printing some of their designs for free pride stickers with their @ on the back. again, no profiting off their art, just having subtle aro/aspec options for closeted folks. also obviously the pride flags themselves/ like the heart emojis and stuff. if i get permission for the <2 i also think thatd be funny to have. id try to print off as many of the specific arsospec identities as i could, too.

some mini pride flags. like on the little stick and stuff? i already reached out to somebody about aplatonic and the new aspec flags. these will be on display at minimum, but im tempted to see how much bulk purchasing to give away for free would cost

….real pride flags, including aplatonic and the new aspec flag. im most hesitant about this because $$$ but…. i know how much it would mean to people, yknow?

i also want like. *stuff to do* to engage in community building and growth, so id likely have kandi bracelet stuff too, and be making aro/aplatonic/aspec bracelets to entertain myself while i sit there for folks without the time to make their own. (also! apparently grey bracelets are an old greyspec symbol. thats so cool!)

ive had it in my mind since early 2020 i want aro ribbon available for turning into shoelaces and im not gonna let up on this decision.

i just…. i really want to be able to connect with members of my community and raise awareness and recognition or aros/apls/aspecs in queer spaces, and i thought this may help.

these things are a little more hesitant but im thinking shrinky-dink keychains of these things/culture and symbols…? same thing @ artists, but uhhh if no one approves ill draw my Very Best. most of these will ALSO be stickers (if i do it)

(these are all old or current aspec culture. aro specific ones im more likely to do. also apl im more likely to do and may get ** but idk yet)

arospec

dragons

yellow roses

<2 (i got permission!!!!)

a little crown?? people are referencing jughead and you know what Sure.

frog,,

green! we sure do love green huh. just like scribbles gkfhjf

…garlic bread? i think i saw that get phased out for dragons but you know what sure

plants..? i hadn’t realized that counted ngl

gryphons! i knew about them

(cacti/succulents but i already said plants)

“no romo”

does space count as aspec culture? idk guys

peridot and labradite? hm. cool!

somebody said aardvarks but ive never seen that before. apparently theyre a really old symbol. thats so cool!

💚 and 💔

pizza and ice cream but garlic bread got more popular (tho these are easier to draw)

manticores

i saw rats..? ehhh im hesitant on that one

Nandays and Caiques :) okay this one is cute

acespec

pegasus

cake

dragons are also very definitely acespec too

pirates

axolotls (though i think we can share)

wolves??? huh.

apparently ghosts are greyspec and!!!! holy shit that me! thats my name! fucking Wild Thats So Cool

someone reffed dinosaurs? cool cool

aaaahhhhg so space is Definitely acespec i forgot the whole spAce thing lol

purple

badgers and unicorns? hm

♠️♣️♥️♦️ cards/symbols. i also recognize peole can turn these into earrings which. real. queer culture irl.

aplatonic

<2 (this is more loveless/heartless but i see it used a lot in aplatonic circles as well)

apples

bees, worms, and birds have been proposed but havent seen much use yet. there has been some use though!

tbh since i cant find much ill likely have a sign that says something like “aplatonic culture is only recently getting enough visibility to be seen as separate from aro culture, so as the growing community develops new symbols we should keep an eye out! im excited to watch this community and identity finally get recognition like it deserves

do i propose platonic solids? idk you guys

*aspen/fang reminded me that non-platonic solids exist as well and are getting used as a symbol. Nice!

general aspec

cryptids

im not making an aroace category but someone said handshake tattoos… imma pass on this one because its not apl friendly

i associate cross stitch and diy patches as aro core/ aspec but thats just me

lambda is queer culture and we belong to that too

i saw a lot of black triangle (as well as gradient) refs but idk if that is Ace Specific or not, but it Is a symbol i think is important to not overlook

ive seen bees used every so often in aro communities as well as aplatonic,

you know what the d&d “roll for x” is funny ill take that

flags

anyways sorry i kinda went off with the research But. ive wanted to do this for Years (since 2019/early 2020 when this blog started Yknow. happenin) and i. i want to make it actually happen in 2023. its going to. i am gonna will it into existence. i just want to build a community i can interact with, yknow? thats all.

Anyways let me know what you think! i recognize this is a Lot and honestly ridiculous but who knows, yknow?

[greeneggsanddevilman]

Damn can people delete their own anons? there was one i was sitting on for awhile that i liked the way they phrased, Specifically referring to me pluraly and. man. it was so boldly on the money i almost felt like telling the truth. but i can't find it so i will anyway.

Yeah so i dont like telling what "my" sideaccounts are because they arent "mine", y'know? we are very different, it's dangerous to THEIR mental health to merge communities or get the two(+) confused. im fine idc- but not the other way around.

ik yall are all: "hey its cool man i just want to see more art." i see you i love you but fr youd have to prove it somehow that you would be nice to him. thats like my little brother and if he deactivates ill kill you.

+ no questions thanks.

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

Hi, this is gona be a long ass post and im on mobile, so hang with me.

first, ill cut right to the chase

Im currently unemployed and need money to exist in this capitalist hellscape.

so, since thats my current predicament, ill be taking commissions!

here are some examples of things ive done and my prices

ill take payment through paypal, though im willing to work with other payment options as well!

The body prices are per-character, the other prices are per-piece (example: a flat colored sketch of two headshots would be 12$, 5 per character head, and 2 for the color), and im able to do lineart or lineless - though i dont have any good examples at the moment with lineart - and the prices will only vary if the design is super complex or hard to do, and theyre able to be changed a bit to work with your budget

I will draw

anything for your blog! (example: the pokemon images above, a header, an icon, etc!)

gore! (dm me if you want to see examples)

full scenes (with backgrounds and all!)

characters from pre-existing media (scp, homestuck, pokemon, etc!)

ocs, adopts, ideas, you name it! human, furry, and any other is alright with me.

plain background scenes with no characters in them are things i can do too!

minor nudity

things i Wont draw

hate speech

sexually explicit scenes (due to a lack of practice)

transphobia/racism/n*zi imagery, general nastiness like that

im also willing to design characters for you, and i can provide prices and examples of designs ive made upon request.

please dm me here or on discord @ [CC&CC]#8992 to contact me about any of this!

thank you for reading this far! ill also be reblogging this to my side accounts to try and get a few more eyes on this.

below is a little bit of info about me so you can decide if you want to Give Me Your Money or not ^^

im a genderqueer and overall queer trans man whose just moved out from my parents home and am living with my best friend of nearly 10 years. ive got a snake, salamander, and two bug colonies, i love pretty much all animals, and am an amateur songwriter/musician! im disabled in multiple ways (but that just makes me cooler 😎) and i deal with some pretty prominent mental issues which make being regular to a job without my health getting in the way pretty difficult. also part of a did system, which is. So Cool and Epic

im looking for a proper job, but its not been going too well for me thusfar, largely because places ive applied have found more fitting people to fill the roles. and thats ok! i just need some way to make money in order to buy groceries and Supplies for My Boys and generally. live, lol! i also want to take some burden off of my roomates shoulders, considering hes been doing wonders to help support me, but im not really able to provide much in return. job places are also a bit hesitant to hire me considering my aforementioned health issues.

anyway, sorry for the rambling and thank you for reading this far! i hope you can consider supporting me, but if not maybe a quick reblog to spread this around would be great! thank you so very much and have a wonderful day!!

[sundropglass]

Every single season change I get a big fibro flareup and feel so ill it limits me a lot more than my day-to-day. I usually struggle and deny that I am disabled, but I really can’t explain it any other way when I spend days to weeks feeling so sick

I categorize my daily experiences to pick and choose between them, and I’ve narrowed things into four sections like this:

- physical self care(feeding myself, bathing, resting, taking walks, ect ect)

- mental health stuff (trauma and delving into parts)

- being a person around people (talking to family and friends, doing household things like im normal like cleaning n cooking ect)

- working (drawing commissions, advertising, socializing with clients, planning things, ect)

On most regular days I can try to either hit a little something in each category if I’m really productive, but more realistically on good days I can take care of two of these categories in a day, leaving the others for,… well, the next time I can get to them. Which sucks because obviously these are things that Must be dealt with

When I’m having a flareup, my capacity gets limited to one and a half, or one if its a really rough time of it. Some things that are immediately non-negotiable must be dealt with and I can hardly do much else. Trauma episodes forcing me to take a day off; family getting nasty forcing me to act like a Person. Health that keeps me in bed. Work that must be done bc money just has to exist

Its just fibro, and hypothyroidism(both of which I have diagnosises for but the doctors ive seen make me feel like I’m insane so I dont believe myself either). Its just very.. limiting to feel so sick all the time

Autumn and spring shifting are the biggest flareups I get in the year, so I’m expecting to be sick like this for a few weeks on and off.

I don’t know why I’m sharing about this. I find my health stuff to be really boring. An explanation I suppose. Today I focused on work and I can’t seem to do much more than that. Thats all, I think

[magnoliamyrrh]

and at some point my therapist said, well listen, if you're going to be too fucked up to be independent, than you'll just live with your parents and that is it.. and i just fucking lost it in that moment

like, thats not on the list of things that's possible. yea, i could keep living with them, and work part time if im able or do some sort of thing to bring in some money. but thats not on the list of things that's a possibility

turns out two suicide attempts later and two deadly severe eating disorders later and therapy later and running away from home at least three times for weeks or months on end, by some miracle of god my family is no longer abusive. id still much rather kill myself than spend my life living with them though. i will never be able to truly breathe or be myself, not really, ever. what is the point of a life like that? i have spend the vast majority of my life that way, i do not want a lifetime of it more....

. ... and my parents and especially my stepfather have made it very clear that they are unwilling to do such a thing. even if i had some severe mental disorder theyd be unwilling to do such a thing. made it very clear id be a burden on them. they may have in recent years pity for the severity of my physical health issues, but i know damn well underneath that, itd be a fucking burden. even with all the household help i could possibly do, even bringing in some money, id be a burden and in the way. theyd and especially my stepfather would never stop resenting me, seeing me as nothing more than a failure, or some pathetic thing which needs too much and cant give enough in return. id be ruining their retirement too, anyway, and they deserve better than having me as a burden

.... thats not a damn option here

and my grandmother who raised me, very similar situation. absolutely suffocating, and she wont take me in long term anyway, and even if i work part time ill never stop hearing the end of how much of a failure and shame i am - not like i dont hear that now

...and my other grandparents, they likely would. they would drive me insane too, theyre controlling as all hell. and id have to deal with being around my father at least every once in awhile, which sounds far faar from pleasant.... but they need help in their old age, and they would welcome having me around at least...... but i dont know how much of an option that is, either

....and what - live with a friend, get married even? thats never going to happen. by this point i should get it well in my head, im going to be single for a lifetime. i refuse to be a burden on anyone like that, anyone deserves better than someone whose already with this many issues at only 23. and most people arent exactly in the best economic situation to have someone around who cant work themselves to the bone. and those who do have that economic situation - lets say there are women who would want a housewife;; any woman deserves better than one which is already sick by this age though, who has periods of being damn near dysfunctional, who is so fragile. it would be selfish and cruel and stupid to let anyone ever be with me

....... and so, what exactly am i left with here, in the likely case i actually cant find some sort of superhuman strengh which 98% of people with this condition cant find to get some sort of decent paying job and have independence?...... ? because spending my life being a fucking burden on others isnt what i want to do. and sure i dont have this mentality when it comes to other disabled people, but i do with me. its not something i want...... so.. what exactly? ..... see if the orthodox nuns will take me in? see if some other religious sect from somewhere will take me in? ..... kill myself and be done with all this?

better perhaps anyway, for my parents to have a dead daughter than one that burdens and disappoints them for an entire lifetime