weird post inspired by crowley's walk but kinda sad what is this fandom doing to me
Okay, I was watching a bunch of compilations of Crowley's walk (don't look at me, you've been there) and I had a thought that I sincerely doubt was anyone else's first thought looking at them walk.
It was more specifically that scene, you probably can see it right now, when they get out of the throne-chair hip first, so absolutely fluid, and saunter off.
I wanna be like that. I want to be that light on my feet. I feel that every time I watch the recordings of plays especially musicals, looking at the theatre actors, and yep, I know David Tennant is one too. And it's not just because I've always wanted to do theatre but never have, though that is true.
(TW: uh, talk of being tired/ill, I want to put the warning just in case)
It's because I'm not very well, and I haven't been for a while. Nothing serious, I don't think, but I have very low stamina to start with, and because of medications for my mental health I'm always so tired. Even standing up or walking without waiting a whole minute can make me dizzy enough to flop right on the ground. Even when I (probably) had COVID a couple of years ago, my main symptom was intense, intense tiredness. A few months ago, I had a viral while living alone, and had to crawl my way around (hehe crawl) (this is the state of my dark humour, I am sorry).
And watching Good Omens just reminded me of everything that I want to do, looking at them dancing around rooms and racing in cars, walking through streets for ages and sitting on the arms of chairs. The show is just so filled with life, sprawling in bathtubs and driving through the English countryside, children running around and on rope swings, desperate kisses and reading in a bookshop.
And I want that so, so much.
I want to be able to spring up from chairs and be around human beings and saunter around the city. I don't want to be sleeping through more of the day than I am awake for.
Anyway, just thoughts.
But I do want to take this post to give some love to all of you, and special love to any of you who are struggling with illness. Chronic illness or otherwise, mental illness or physical illness, just any illness. Even if it is just that heavy, heavy tiredness, that we know all too well. When I studied disease, it was broken down into its roots: dis and ease, a lack of feeling at ease. And I am reminded of that one post I saw about chronic illness, and I'd like to say what I read there to you all:
"I hope the pain eases soon."
I know that life is waiting just outside this screen, but as long as I am too tired to go out to meet it, I'm so grateful to this show, to this fandom, and to all of you maggots for bringing life to me. The loneliness has eased since I've been here, and the smiles are a little more often, the tears a little less.
And I think that's really quite wonderful.
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