#the current few that i keep seeing super long self-insert fics are here but feel free to reblog and tag more

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[spnfanficpond]

Pond Diving - Queen-of-deans-booty

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Jordan

Age: 23

Location: Arizona, USA

URL: @queen-of-deans-booty 

Why did you choose your URL: Honestly, Dean is the first person I liked on SPN and his ass is so tight and I believe all women are queens so that’s why.

What inspired you to become a writer: I remember reading a book in middle school about vampires, and it’s the first book I remember reading that made me feel all sorts of emotions that books never used to do for me before then. It amazed me to feel these things from a book, and I realized that I wanted to do that for other people someday, thus, is why I became a writer.

How long have you been writing: Gosh, since 8th grade. Might have been a little bit before that, but I remember in 8th grade writing a full book at 20k words, which if I might say, is impressive for a thirteen-year-old.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I actually am a security guard at a chemical plant. There is some down time to this job, and I try to spend it writing. I even gush to my boss about the stories I write and where I post, and he is all for supporting me about it. When I am not working or writing, then I am either watching Criminal Minds, Manifest, and movies while in my room. With this COVID thing going on right now, I barely leave my house as it is xD

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? Since season 11 was on TV. It was actually after season 11 had ended and before season 12 had started, so in that four-month span, I managed to watch 11 seasons.

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? Yes! I am in the Marvel and Criminal Minds fandom! I used to be in The Vampire Diaries fandom, but I lost my passion for it so I knew my writing was suffering, so I stopped it. I am doing series rewrites for all three of my fandoms along with one-shots and drabbles!

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it?  Yes, I try to. I took a NaNoWriMo class in college that made me write my first real book, so that is exciting. I also took fiction classes that made me write poems and short stories. I do want to get into writing more original fiction, but right now, I am focusing more on fanfiction.

Favorite published author: I love Riley Sager, B.A. Paris, James Patterson, Ruth Ware, and there are specific books I adore, but they aren’t from the authors I mentioned. I tend to like books rather than authors.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: Vampire Kisses by Ellen Schreiber. That's the book that I mentioned about inspiring me to write, and I dedicate my love for writing to her.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc):  I really enjoy reading fluff, but I enjoy writing angst because I feel I can have a lot more emotions and feels when I write angst.

Favorite piece of your own writing:  My SPN series rewrite. I am currently planning season 7, and I am in the process of releasing season 6. I have gotten so many good reviews of it, and that fuels my passion for it.

Most underrated fic you have written: I can’t think of any at the top of my head. I tend not to look back on my own writing too much. I’ll have an overwhelming need to rewrite it and fix it up, and I don’t need that right now xD

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Is it bad to say my series rewrite? It’s already a show, but I’d like to see my version of the show. If I can’t pick that, then my original fiction novel that I wrote that has over 70k words. That would be pretty cool.

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @impala-dreamer, @torn-and-frayed, @crispychrissy, @kittenofdoomage, @acreativelydifferentlove, @saxxxology, and there are others, but those are some of the people that come to mind.

Favorite fic from another writer: Can I mention a few? Rock, Paper, Scissors by @impala-dreamer, The Curious Incident of Episode 14x09 by @luci-in-trenchcoats, On the Road by @notnaturalanahi, Cherry Surprise by @crispychrissy, A Change of Scenery by @cass-trash, and On the Case Files (Criminal Minds fandom) by @hotchnerfuckmeup​.

Favorite character to write: For Supernatural, it’ll have to be Dean Winchester. For Marvel, it’ll have to be either Loki or Bucky. For Criminal Minds, it’ll have to be Spencer Reid

Favorite Pairing to write: I only write reader-inserts so the characters don’t really matter as long as it’s x reader.

Least favorite character to write (and why): For Supernatural, it’s Crowley. I don’t know why, but I can never seem to get him right. He’s more sadistic and hardcore sometimes and I just can’t get that right.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor?  I don’t really have anyone right now. It used to be my teachers/professors, but I graduated and I don’t see them anymore.

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I want to be a published author. That’s all I want. I want to see my books on the shelves, and I’d also love to be a fiction editor! I can’t do anything right now because of COVID, but hopefully one day!  

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: More than I can count right now. Like seriously, I probably have over 100. I have a bunch of bingo cards that I have ideas for, but I have so many that they all just pile on. There will come a time when I get through all of them, but I don’t know when.

What are you currently working on?  Right now? Some requests and my spn series rewrite.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Like I mentioned above, it’s Ellen Schreiber. She is the one person that made me want to become a writer. Also, all my followers on all of my blogs. They are the truest influencers because they are what gives me passion for my writing.

Best writing advice you've been given: Write as if you’re the only audience. I’ve learned that if you don’t like what you’re writing about, then your audience will certainly see it. You can’t please everyone, so please yourself. There will always be someone who loves your writing for what it is, so don’t go changing it to please others.

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Trying to pace myself. I’ve heard of people spending two or three days (or even longer) on a fic. It’s either all or nothing with me. I either spend two or three hours on a fic and complete it right there and then, or I don’t write it at all. Pacing is an issue for me, and I am always trying to spend longer on a fic. I guess I just type really fast, I don’t know.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? I find that trying to keep the character as canon as possible is most difficult. While it’s not always super hard, it does have its moments. All fanfiction are AUs, so it’s okay to change the characters to make them your own. While I don’t think one should make them the complete opposite if they are wanting to stay within canon, I do believe it’s okay to change a few things around.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I want to write ships. Now that I think about it, I’m not quite sure why I don’t write them. Maybe it’s time that I start.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Feedback!!! Reader’s don’t always see it, but every piece of feedback I get makes me want to write. I do better knowing there are actual people out there that are looking forward to what I write. I do better knowing that real people are reading them and judging it. I do my best knowing that there is an audience. If I don’t get feedback, then that motivation just goes away.

How do you deal with self doubt: I’m not so sure I always do. There is always a voice in the back of my mind telling me that my stories are complete and utter shit, and I shouldn’t bother writing anything. It’s why I take a step back from writing so often. When I first started my blog, I came out with fics every single day. I was always writing new stories. Now, I may get a story out per week. Maybe two per week. I know when it’s time to take a break for a few days because it gives that voice time to calm down. My best advice for someone dealing with self doubt is to just take a break. Separate yourself from the thing that your mind is telling you that you suck at. Take care of you before jumping back into it. Trust me, it helps.

How do you deal with writer's block: Kind of the same thing as I mentioned above. I have suffered from writer’s block a lot more than in my earlier years. Sometimes, I just don’t have the motivation or the passion to write, and I just get so mad at myself for not doing it. One of the things that help me is writing down my ideas. Yeah, I get ideas that float in my head about stories I’d like to write, but actually writing them down makes them concrete. Then, I am able to make notes and side notes and notes of my notes about what I’d like to happen, and before I know it, I’m writing it.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: ALWAYS! Always, always, always plan your writing, especially if you’re doing a series. It’s good to know what is going on in your story. You don’t always have to follow it to the exact detail (you’re allowed to make changes as you go), but having a plan makes it easier to get through your story. You’re able to look back at it and remind yourself why you're writing that exact scene or if something needs to be added or taken away from it. If you have a plan, then you’re less likely to lose that passion since you know what’s going to happen. You’re able to see the finish line well before you start.

Do you have any weird writing habits: This may be weird, but I like to listen to Got U On by Darci feat. Nessly, Highest in the Room by Travis Scott, some music by Juice WRLD, and other loud rap songs. Don’t ask me why, but I find the music soothing when I write. Those rap songs sound the same to me, and their voices just drown out so I’m just listening to the music. There are other kinds of music I listen to like piano instrumentals and rain/thunder sounds, but it’s really any song I can tune out.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? I don’t want to sound arrogant or snobby, but I can honestly say I’ve never received one hateful comment on anything I’ve written (knock on wood xD). I’ve only received good things about my stories, and I think it has something to do with how much good energy I am putting into the world. I believe in karma, and I tend to be nice to everyone regardless of who they are, and I think it comes back to the kind of comments I receive. However, I always think about what I’d do or say if I’ve ever gotten a hate comment. I wouldn’t encourage them to send more hate, but I wouldn’t apologize either. I write the stories I write because it makes me happy. If they don’t like it, they can go somewhere else. Though, I know those hate comments can get to some people, and here is what I have to say about that: remind yourself of when you actually wrote the fic. If you were truly happy about it, then it shouldn’t matter what that person says. You love it, and that’s all that matters.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic?  I have to pick a favorite? XD I have an album in my phone of screenshots I took of my favorite comments left by my followers. I’ve been compared to John Green, there have been comments that thank me for giving them an escape from their realities, people have told me they want to write just like me someday, people have told me that my work has made them smile and get chills, that my stories are the highlight of their week, and a bunch of other stuff. I am just shocked that there are people out there who think this. It means so much to me, and I get tears when I read them because this is literally my dream. I can’t thank my followers enough for the comments they leave, and this is exactly why it’s so important to leave feedback.  

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Write for you. I can’t stress this enough. I’ve mentioned it before, and I’m going to mention it again. If you’re not happy, it will show through your writing. Your audience will see it based on how you word things and your flow of ideas. On another note, please brush up on your grammar. I can’t tell you how many times I read such an interesting summary, and noticed the story was full of grammatical mistakes. It made me not want to read it anymore. I’m sure it was a great story, but I didn’t want to put myself through that just to read it.

[opheliawritesxo]

Jefferson & Leroy Street

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Inclusive!Reader

Summary: Bucky Barnes is an idiot, Y/N Stark is an idiot; Steve Rogers just wants them to kiss and make-up. So he plays matchmaker. How hard can it be to get two idiots in love? Apparently not as easy as he thinks.

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: strong language, mentions of a horrible ex, angst with a happy ending

A/N: if anyone sees this fic on AO3 don’t worry about it, it is my own work I just thought I'd change it to a reader insert.

It’d been a long day; University had been busier than normal in the lead up to exams. They just kept telling their self - one more year - when in reality they still had to find a graduate job. What can one actually do with a degree in Criminology?

Unlocking the door to the flat they shared with their two best friends, they groaned at the mess. For two super soldiers, they sure knew how to create a mess. Steve Rogers, the famous Captain America, was currently away on a mission but Bucky was still here having not been needed for this particular mission.

“You had one job dickwad! One job!” They shouted as they looked at the state of the piled-up dishes. They had a bloody rota for a reason, god they missed the days of dishwashers and living at home with their parents.

           There was silence, frowning they searched every room before finally calling to F.R.I.D.A.Y and asking where the hell was Bucky?

“I’m afraid he stepped out over an hour ago Mx Stark, I can find his location if you wish?” The Irish lilt echoed throughout the empty flat. They groaned; they didn’t want to bother him in case he’d been called on a mission.

“Nah s’alright, but thanks anyway F.R.I.D.A.Y.” A weak smile crossed their face, they might as well clean the flat whilst they waited for Bucky to arrive home.

           Bucky never arrived home that night. They waited up as long as they could after giving the flat a thorough clean but when they woke in the morning it was clear he hadn’t come home. Their keys were still in the door. Groaning as they rubbed the back of their neck having fallen asleep on the couch, they checked their phone.

No messages.

That instantly put them in a pissy mood, they were a worrier; always had been, always will be.

           They knew it was going to happen, getting distracted beyond belief at Uni. Trudging back to the flat they could smell the aromatic aroma of Italian cooking. Clumsily opening the door, their face fell a little when they noticed Steve’s shield by the door.

“Are you.. are you seriously standing here cooking in your bloody uniform?” They snorted; well at least that was a sight to brighten their day.

“I was hungry!” He whined.

“Thought you were Bucky.” They muttered, grabbing the blonde’s shield and moving it to the cupboard. It was more so they wouldn’t trip over it as they had done a hundred times before.

“Well it’s his Ma’s recipe so I can see the confusion.” He smiled giving them a kiss on the cheek as they moved within reaching distance. “How was class?”

“Oh, you know.. the usual.” Plonking themselves down at the breakfast bar in the kitchen. “Say.. you wouldn’t happen to have heard from Bucky have you?”

“Yeah, he’s at some dame’s place.. he never told you?” He frowned; they hated that frown.

“Oh yeah, shit I forgot. Of course!” They spoke quickly, they were already pissed at Bucky; it wouldn’t do for him to be ganged up by both them and Steve. “How was the mission?” Quickly and effortlessly changing the subject. Giving Steve the chance to rant about everything and anything he could reveal about the mission. While he spoke, they sent a text to Bucky.

Sent at 4:56PM

You could have told me you were going to get laid. Next time do the dishes before you go and get your dick wet. That is all.

After eating the wonderful food that Steve had prepared, how they could still fit through the door with both of them being amazing cooks they’ll never know; they headed through to their room to do some studying.

They woke up at 3am to her bedroom door being thrown open.

“Jesus Christ!” They squealed, practically falling out of bed as they watched Bucky saunter in.

“What the fuck is this?” Holding out his phone, they squinted at his phone screen being the only light source in the room. Flicking on a light they glared at him.

“It’s three in the fucking morning James, what the ever-loving fuck are you doing sauntering in here like you own the place!” They shouted; they didn’t care if they woke Steve up at this point.

“I do actually own the place..” They groaned

“It’s an expression you idiot! Can we talk about this in the morning? I don’t know why you’re pissed at me! You’re the one that didn’t tell me you were heading out and also left the flat in a god-awful state!”

“Oh, get over yourself! Why are you always so fucking clingy Y/N? It’s ridiculous!” That broke their heart, they knew they were clingy; they always had been, but Bucky had always liked it. —or so they thought.

“I was just worried about you.. I didn’t know where you were.” They muttered, feeling terribly small with the towering figure above them.

“You don’t need to know where I am every second of everyday Christ. Stop being jealous just because you haven’t been laid in months. How is Nathan anyway? Still fucking your ex best friend?” Well that was a low blow, it was clear no one anticipated the slap when it came.

“Fuck. You.” They growled, grabbing their jeans; pulling them on angrily as they moved to grab their coat.

“Y/N, darlin’ it’s late. Come on we’ll got through to my-“ Steve was interrupted by the front door slamming. “The fuck Buck?” He said turning to his best friend.

“Don’t Steve.. just don’t.” The former asset muttered as he moved through to his room, slamming the bedroom door shut.

“Fucking hell..” Steve muttered, rubbing his hands over his face. “F.R.I.D.A.Y, please track them and let me know the minute something isn’t right okay?”

           When they arrived back at the flat four hours later, Steve was already opening the door to her before they could even get their hand on the handle.

“Bloody intelligent busy body in the ceiling.” They muttered to herself as they trudged in. Toeing off their shoes, they headed to their bedroom but were stopped by the ever-righteous grandpa.

“We need to talk about last night.” Steve’s voice was soft, but it held a commanding edge to it, they couldn’t be fucked with that in that moment.

“No, we don’t, Barnes made everything crystal clear. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have class in an hour and a half.” They grunted, hands on his chest to push him out of the way.

“Y/N.. he was- “

“If drunk is about to come out of your mouth I’m whacking you with your own shield. He can’t get drunk; well all know that so why don’t you stop coming up with excuses for his behaviour and just ‘get over yourself’ like I’m doing huh?” Expression blank, but the tears that were starting to well in their eyes were clear for anyone close enough to see.

“You went to Nathan’s.. Y/N, that’s not.. we talked about this. You were doing so well.” He whispered, holding onto their upper arms to keep them in place.

“I waited Steve, I did what you said, and I waited for him to come around. Every-time I tried to make the first move it didn’t work. Bucky doesn’t want me; I’ve accepted that now.. maybe it’s time you do too. Matchmaker isn’t really your biggest strength.” A weak smile on their face as they finally pushed their way out of his grasp.

Heading down the corridor she saw Bucky’s door slowly close, he’d obviously been listening in. Typical. Rolling their eyes, they headed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind them.

           It had been a week since the incident. Both Bucky and Y/N hadn’t left the flat which was more concerning on Y/N’s behalf due to the fact they’d missed a whole week of University. The final straw was when Tony cornered Steve after a briefing asking why he’d gotten an email from the University saying his child hadn’t been attending classes.

He hated being cornered by a protective Tony, especially since they were tentatively trying to build a relationship together. Totally hush hush at the moment; only the two of them aware. Stomping into Y/N’s room he frowned when he saw them staring into space.

“Enough. Get dressed and get the fuck out of here for a couple of hours. Please I’m literally begging you. You’re both driving me up the wall.” It took a couple of seconds for Y/N to grasp that Steve was in the room speaking to them.

“And where exactly do you want me to go?” They mumbled into their duvet.

“Anywhere that isn’t Nathan’s or somewhere dangerous.” Going into their wardrobe he started throwing clothes at them. “If you’re not ready in ten I will barge right back in here you hear?”

“Jesus Steve.. I’m going, Christ.” She muttered, shooing him out the door so they could get ready. Maybe a night out would be nice, they could go for a couple of drinks.

           When they finished getting ready, they side-stepped Steve before they collided with him. Sending a mock salute his way they grabbed their shoes and headed out the door. There were a few bars within walking distance, so they ended up at the first one on their path. Slipping inside they sat themselves down at the bar, ordering a whiskey neat.

“Well, well, well look what the cat dragged in” Mouthing a ‘fuck’ into their drink they turned to see Nathan.

“What do you want?” They grumbled, arms crossing over their chest. He scoffed.

“I can’t believe I don’t even get a hello when I so kindly let you sleep on my couch last week. Didn’t even get a thank you.” Rolling their eyes at him.

“I’m pretty sure letting me crash on your couch is the least you could do after ruining three years of a relationship by shagging Caitlin.”

“I was expecting at least some thank you head, but you never were one to give, were you? Always take, take, take.” He purred; they could smell the booze off him as he made himself at home in their personal space.

“Fuck off Nathan, I’m not in the mood tonight.”

“When were you ever in the mood, I’m sure I can get you there though. Always knew your-“ He didn’t get to finish his sentence as a metal arm had him lifted halfway off the ground. They couldn’t help but snort at the fear in Nathan’s eyes.

“Want to finish that sentence?” Bucky growled. They couldn’t help but bite their lip, they’d always had a thing for pissed Bucky; as long as it wasn’t aimed at them but then again. A hand on their arm snapped them out of their daydream. “We’re going for a walk.” His hand slipping into theirs as he dragged them out the bar.

“Oh, we are, are we?” They muttered; the silence grew between them as they walked down the block. “Thanks.. for that back there. I- I didn’t sleep with him by the way. Just crashed on his couch.” They admitted. “I’m an idiot, but I’m not stupid.”

“No one said you were.” They pulled on his hand as they got to a bench, pulling him down to sit next to them.

“I am. I’m sorry about the text.. I was just so worried. You know what I’m like, the world’s worst over-thinker.” Bucky groaned, running a hand over the back of his neck.

“I’ve been a prick.” He grunted, looking at them with sad eyes. “Do you remember the night you caught Nathan?”

Frowning they tried to remember what happened. “You took me to that club? You said something like ‘it’s more or a distraction for me so I don’t rip the bastards throat out?’ Or something along those lines?” He chuckled softly; their heart stopped for a moment — god they’d missed that sound.

“Yeah that’s right, you then proceeded to get fucking drunk off your ass and you said you can’t remember anything else from that night?” They shook their head.

“Nah, I’m pretty sure that was it.”

“Well.. I’m gonna remind you of something right now just.. bear with me.” He mumbled, cupping their chin in his hand; he kissed them. Right there, on the corner of Jefferson and Leroy street. Their hands moved to clutch at his shirt, hazy memories filtering in. Loud music, colour, Bucky, heat, cool metal wrapped around them, Bucky, hands in silk strands, the taste of whiskey and something ultimately Bucky.

“Fuck I kissed you, in the middle of the dance floor..” They whispered as they pulled back, fingers moving to press lightly against their lips. They couldn’t believe she forgot.

“There’s an endless number of things that I wish I could forget darlin’, but I couldn’t forget that. Played in my mind for days. I realised quite quickly you didn’t remember it and you were still getting over him. Then you started to flirt with me and I just; I couldn’t take it.” Their heart was breaking.

“Buck.. I’m so sorry!” They croaked, taking both his hands in theirs; thumb stroking over the back of the smooth metal. “If I’d remembered I would’ve- “

“Thought I was gonna be your rebound or somethin’ and I couldn’t deal. Pretty sure you engrained yourself in my very soul from the day I met your cocky little ass.” His eyes were glued to the ground, but they weren’t having it. Grabbing his face in their hands.

“You never would’ve been a re-bound for my James. You understand me? I’ve loved you from the minute I met you. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, I’m hopelessly, utterly-“ They hated being interrupted but they were pretty sure they could make an exception for Bucky’s lips on theirs. It was softer than they remembered, like they were something precious. That’s when the tears started to fall —no one had ever treated them like that before, like they were something to cherish.

“M’not good with feelings and emotions, life ain’t been too kind to me but I know that I love you and I want you. Every part of you. So m’gonna say it now. You’re mine, you’ll always be mine. Even if we can’t be together; you’ll always be engrained in-“ It was their turn to cut him off, kissing him hard; throwing their very soul into the kiss.

“I’m yours Buck, forever and always I’m yours.” They whispered. Chuckling softly, he brushed the tears from their face.

“That’s what I was hoping you were gonna say.” There on the corner of Jefferson and Leroy, two idiots finally got their happy ending. If Steve looked extra smug the next day; Tony would think it was because of him but in reality, it was because of the two thank you texts he’d received from the two idiots. His two favourite idiots.

[yellow-r-o-s-e]

NEURODIVERGENT

There’s definately something wrong with Roman. He just wants to know what it is

Word Count: About 4500

Warnings: lots of talk of assorted mental illnesses, including PTSD, depression, anxiety, and anorexia, pretty detailed description of a panic attack, self deprecating feelings, mentioned past abusive relationship, imposter syndrome, implied gaslighting, let me know if there’s anything else I need to put, I don’t know how to do this, there is a happy ending but please be safe

Notes: This is a fanfic of the wonderful “Love and Other Fairytales” by @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors. It’s technically a Sanders Side fanfiction, but you don’t need to know anything about Sanders Sides for her story to make sense. It’s a really amazing modern fairy tale, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who somehow hasn’t read it yet. Also the story below probably won’t make any sense without the context.

In her story, a few of the main characters (Virgil and Logan) are autism coded, which I can relate to a lot with my ADHD, and I ended up projecting said ADHD on a different character, Roman Gage. It’s a bullet fic because it’s so long it would take me a week to write it all out, and also it’s very self-indulgent and I put my own self-insert OC in because noone can stop me from having fun. Not edited because we die like men. Enjoy!

————————————

It starts on what should be a perfect day. It’s early September, Logan is off at a “fairy” lesson with Virgil. It’s not too humid anymore, it’s cooled down just enough to be comfortable. And Roman thinks it would be a perfect day for hunting in the woods

Except as soon as he thinks about hunting, he thinks about h i m and he’s suddenly nauseous

But it’s fine, Roman’s fine, besides he has lots of people to talk about it with now. His bfs know and are supportive, and Mamaw knows too now. He doesn’t even miss Dee that much…

And oh mother gothel he does not feel good he needs to think about something else

He suddenly remembers that he is in fact currently having a picnic with Patton and he should focus on that

And he’s aware that Patton just asked a question but he doesn’t know what Patton asked, And he feels really bad but he just smiles and asks Patton to repeat himself

He wishes he could actually pay attention to his bf the first time but life hates him apparently, and Patton’s talking very slowly and carefully because his lessons are helping but he’s still afraid of hurting Roman. And heck if that doesn’t make Roman feel even worse

Anyways, Patton says he’s concerned that Roman hasn’t eaten anything, and offers to go somewhere else for food if Roman doesn’t want picnic

And Roman just laughs and says he’s fine, he just ate a big breakfast. Except. He didn’t eat breakfast at all. He doesn’t know why he said that but now he’s panicking inside as he continues to talk to Patton on the surface level. He’s not trying to not eat on purpose, he’s just really not hungry much

So he’s very worried about himself now as he realizes he’s been skipping meals like crazy recently. He knows he’s not anorexic because like, it’s not intentional. He just keeps forgetting his body needs food to survive??? Is that a normal thing to happen???

Ten minutes maximum pass before he’s spilling all of this to Patton because he’s Very Worried and they’re trying to be more open with each other anyways

And Patton, who’s already been worried about Roman since the whole ’planning to die to save his friends without telling anyone’ thing, is like “have you considered speaking to a doctor”

Roman’s like “Mamaw hates the physician” and then Patton reminds him he’s an actual adult and long story short a few days later he’s having a meeting with Dr. Sherwood

He’s being asked all the standard questions and he’s just realizing ‘oh no, there’s definitely something wrong with me’. He’s having trouble sleeping, trouble eating, trouble focusing, things that used to make him happy don’t anymore…. And Dr. Sherwood says he probably has depression

Which honestly makes a little too much sense after all the heartbreak and loss and isolation and abuse and whatnot

He gets officially diagnosed shortly after

There’s no therapist in Wickhills but Dr. Sherwood offers to prescribe antidepressants

But antidepressants can be very finicky and Roman’s not in immediate danger or anything so he figures he’ll just try Mamaw’s potions and whatnot for now and maybe change later

He’s very afraid to tell Mamaw but surprise, she’s not mad at all. Well, she’s a little upset that he thought he had to sneak away to go to the doctor

They talk, and depression treatment is a lot more complicated than just a quick spell but they agree to be more honest with each other when they’re having bad days (because May’s physical health is not doing great either)

He talks to the bf squad too, and he feels guilty telling them for some reason. He doesn’t want to be someone for them to take care of, y’know, he wants to be the one taking care of them

They’re all like “Roman shut up you’re beautiful and talented and amazing and we love you”. Patton reminds him that he literally planned the picnic they just had. And the entire summer he was like, stargazing or serenading or painting with one of them at least once a week

They remind him that it’s okay for the roles to reverse every once in a while. It's literally not healthy to never ask for help, even if you don’t have depression

He’s already been unofficially working with Patton’s parents for a while and he has a long talk with the Wallers about it and 1) it’s not like they could replace him if they wanted 2) they still want to keep an eye on their son’s bf and learn more about what he’s doing (He doesn’t actually let much slide but they can hope) and 3) they’re nice people

so they work on making his hours flexible but not too flexible so he can miss work if he’s not feeling good but he still feels needed and has responsibility. It’s a struggle but everyone’s doing their best

Plus the Wallers are practically trying to adopt Roman in their son’s absence so it’s not like they wouldn’t be doing this anyway

And Roman starts to feel, not great, but more in control of his life at least

And there are always the good days, it’s almost always good when he visits his bfs, he starts liking acting again more, he starts getting excited about musicals again

And now that he’s a knight and he’s making good memories with Virgil, the woods aren’t making him feel icky anymore

And all the squad talk to him and promise to not undercut his happiness when it’s there. They work to not overreact when he’s surprised to be happy, and tell him he’s never annoying, he’s always free to ramble about whatever he’s excited about

And soon he’s looking into theater college applications, and he’s hanging out with Thomas and Remy, and he sees some touring Broadway shows (Wicked, The Lion King and Mary Poppins) in Cleveland, and Bell and him and sometimes Virgil are hunting in the woods again, and he’s a knight which is amazing, and he has self-confidence again,

And Logan found a perfect college which Roman is very happy about, seeing as he’s the one who did THAT to get Logan a chance to go to college a while ago. And Logan invites Roman to go on his college visit with him (along with Thomas). And Roman does feel a bit guilty because he feels like the only reason he was invited is because of the whole fae deal

But it’s fine, he’s happy to be going with Logan anyways

Virgil says he’ll be fine with Patton, they manage to find a flight that won’t go over any rivers (they don’t know what would happen but they don’t want to risk it). They’re all packed up for a few days and Logan is so happy he’s glowing

Roman can’t stop smiling either tbh, he just nods and listens to Logan rambling about how cool the greenhouses are. And it’s perfect

Until suddenly,,, it’s not???

Because the airport is Too Loud, which he tries to ignore

And something deep inside of him is afraid of Logan being away for so long because he’ll miss him but he ignores that too, it’s just excitement probably, right?

And then the plane takes off, which makes Logan a bit nauseous but it’s super fun for Roman, it’s basically a rollercoaster, right? He gives lots of comforting forehead kisses and Thomas is jokingly like ‘ew affection’

But then?? The seat belt buckled signs are still on? And Roman cannot move?

He’s trapped in the seat, trapped in the plane

He

Cannot

Move

And it’s So Loud all of a sudden. And he doesn’t even realize he’s frozen until he’s calming down and Logan is Squishing him

And they talk about that a bit and claustrophobia is normal it’s fine

And the trip goes pretty well. Actually, no, it was better than pretty well. Logan found his college and it’s perfect and Roman needs to stop being so Selfish and judging the trips success by his own experience

But Roman is still just worried about Logan leaving, what if he ends up hating the school? What if he gets trapped?

And he’s having flashbacks to the college visit before that ended terribly. Because he still hasn’t really forgiven himself for how upset Logan was when he got locked out of Wickhills after brief freedom. And he Does Not want to hurt Logan again

And then the intrusive thoughts start coming and he can’t stop them. And he’s worried about a ton of things that would never happen

What if Dee’s curse is still there somehow and when they get back Logan’s locked out of Wickhills?

That doesn't even make sense, stop-

What if Logan doesn’t actually want to go to college and he’s just faking because he feels bad for Roman, and he’s going to be miserable here?

Logan can’t even lie and why would he do that?

What if- stop

What if- Stop!

And this has definitely been happening for a while, he realizes, it’s just been much harder to ignore on the trip, where he can’t just block out the thoughts by picking apples (not that that works very well either)

So he talks with Logan and Thomas on the plane ride home and then he does a few google searches while waiting for luggage when they get back

And he’s now 100 percent sure that he’s been having anxiety attacks and/or panic attacks, like, several times a day

And he sees the doctor very shortly after getting back into town

It takes him 20 minutes to get diagnosed with general anxiety

Dr. Sherwood asks ‘is this happening very frequently?’ and Roman asks how often frequently is and it’s about once a week apparently. Which is laughably low compared to Roman. So now he knows that he has both depression and anxiety

His family and bfs know and they’re doing their best to supportive

Roman has a whole bunch of exercises he can do

So now it should be better, he knows what’s going on, right?

But he doesn’t feel any better At All. In fact, it seems to be getting worse by the day

And a lot of Roman’s panic attacks are just him being afraid he’ll have a panic attack and then be a burden. Which is so dumb and cyclical and he knows his bfs won’t be mad but that doesn’t stop it from happening

At least Logan and Thomas know how to deal with panic attacks and help him. And the bf squad all learns they can tell him when he’s being unreasonable. But the trouble is sometimes he absolutely knows he’s being unreasonable and he keeps doing it

He tries to go on meds for a cool minute but he doesn’t get better he just gets exhausted. And May’s potions are more personally suited to him anyways. Not that he’s good about taking those either

But it’s fine he’s strong he can handle it it’s fine it’s okay

Cut to a few months later around late winter

There’s a bright moon, the woods are all quiet, and it’s honestly just so soft and relaxing. And Roman’s enjoying being a knight and chilling with Bell and Virgil

There’s not even anything bad happening that they need to deal with, or anything to hunt down, they’re just kind of chilling in the woods on horseback

Bell’s catching Virgil up on fairyland happenings that he missed because he pays more attention to Patton than the actual court; Roman’s catching him up on what Logan and Elliot are up to

And then, it’s such a small thing, it shouldn’t ruin there night or even pause it, But as they’re laughing and Roman playfully punches Bell and Virgil rolls his eyes

This absolutely harmless garter snake rubs against Roman’s leg

And he’s just instantly Not Okay At All

And Virgil notices immediately and just glares back to see what hurt Roman, thinking some idiot fae with a death wish played a trick on him

Virgil’s really angry but trying to look calm for Roman and he meets eyes with Roman for half a second

Roman sees something incredibly familiar in his eyes and now he’s Even Worse

Virgil takes a very limp and frozen Roman who’s smiling a little too blankly and agreeing with everything V says back to fairyland and is talks to him soothingly but it takes Roman a very long minute before he’s even talking

And Virgil’s just a complete mess

And when he finds out that it wasn’t someone hexing Roman or anything, it was just his a snake that wanted to move and V’s stare, he just switched to exhausted

There might be a bit of crying on both of their parts but don’t tell anyone

And Roman wants to talk more but his voice isn’t working and he’s stuttering a lot

And every question Virgil asks about his comfort (do you want me to call the others? Do you want me to take you home?) makes Roman even more stressed so eventually he ends up snuggling with Roman in that bed for the night

And Bell checks in on them later and is very obviously a part of the Kill Dee Again squad

It had been like 2 months since Roman had the nightmares and he’s never had panic attacks like this before, he doesn’t know what’s happening

He doesn’t know why Dee’s still haunting him? What did he do wrong when he tried to forget him?

He has nightmares but Virgil’s afraid to wake him up, he might completely break down again, and Virgil doesn’t even know what he’d say anyways

He doesn’t think breaking down sobbing again would help

Roman wakes up in the morning just exhausted and starts crying again anyways

He tries to talk but it goes badly so he ends up communicating with Virgil through writing, which is much easier, though his hand is shaking and the paper is tear stained

And Virgil’s just absolutely heartbroken by how helpless Roman looks

Roman tried to apologize for not being able to talk but Virgil points out that he and Logan have trouble talking without thinking first for fae reasons and so does Patton, Roman isn’t going to be a burden on the group by being the same as everyone else

And Logan comes in lead by Bell

And he’s the calm that the other two need right now

He’s stressed too obviously but he translates his stress into logical thinking

And the word PTSD comes into the conversation for the first time

So guess who gets another diagnosis? Our boy

He finds out that PTSD symptoms often take a while to show up, he hopes it will disappear again but who knows

Not him

And the symptoms cross over (avoidance, sluggishness, panic) so it ends up replacing the other two diagnoses

So that means that he doesn’t have depression and anxiety after all??? It was just PTSD?

And Roman blindly agrees because these appointments are becoming habitual

But it doesn’t feel right?

Because there’s still something about him that feel distinctly Not Normal that PTSD itself can’t explain

Because some of his restlessness, unhappiness, recklessness, has existed since before he made the deal

So he feels like he might be faking PTSD because it can’t possibly ALL be caused by Dee

And be feels like he’s being unfair to Dee and heck if that’s something he can just say to his bfs without them getting on his case

He knows it’s dumb so it shouldn’t be a problem anyways

Hahahahaha

On a different note he’s still not sleeping anywhere near a normal amount

Dizzy says it’s because “Night Roman” screwed up his sleep schedule

Then there’s also the nightmares

And the lingering feeling that he’s slacking off while sleeping, he should be working on something else

So he talks to Dizzy and does research and he’s not sure if it counts because of his strange specific situation, but he decides he has insomnia in some way or another

And that’s an easy fix with potions (it’s not, they don’t work for long)

And then, before he can blink, he’s in college, and school is a thing

And he Loves acting, he Loves all the literature, he Loves picking his own classes and making new theater friends and speaking other languages with people

But then, during the “actual classroom classes” it’s not good all the time

There is something deeply uncomfortable about being stuck in a chair for multiple hours

Where you have to be somewhat quiet and pay attention to what the teacher is talking about

Like, you have to go at Their Speed, not yours

And he realizes that maybe it’s been like that for a while

Maybe it was his year off that made him realize it, maybe Wickhills is just that different

But he doesn’t like doing his general ed classes

Which is weird because he loves learning

And he’s super focused most of the time, but sometimes he just can’t hear the teachers?

And he remembers homework perfectly UNLESS he writes it down

And he can’t convince himself to do math and science homework no matter how hard he tries but he doesn’t tell anyone just pretends he’s purposely ignoring it

Oh and also whenever people criticize his acting or essays it’s physically painful but that’s probably not a big deal

Oh and schedule changes are the literal worst thing to ever happen in his life

So he thinks he might have hearing problems which is why he misses that they have homework or can’t hear people talking no matter how hard he tries

So he’s tested for hearing loss, tested for tinnitus and nothing

And then he realizes he sometimes struggles to read and write the correct way? He loves literature but he finds out that to other people, the words are not usually messed up like that

So he tries dyslexia, vision problems, dysgraphia, and still just nothing fits quite right

And maybe he’s making excuses and he’s actually just too dumb to be in advanced literature?

So he starts worrying that maybe he just wants to be special

Maybe he doesn’t have any mental illnesses, except just hypochondria

Except as soon as he starts considering hypochondria, OCD comes up

Because he feels incredibly, obsessively worried about everything

And there are times when he just has to do something other than pay attention and maybe those are compulsions

But maybe he’s wrong because the compulsions aren’t usually about fears, he just wants to wiggle around, click his pens, etc.

And that’s when he starts considering Tourettes

But that doesn’t work either because it’s not that severe, he’s way more able to resist impulses than he should be

And Tourettes wouldn’t explain enough anyways

So we’re like halfway through Roman’s freshman year and he’s just very confused?

Is he neurotypical? Does he have every mental illness ever? He doesn’t know

He still has a PTSD diagnoses but hasn’t been triggered as badly as that first time again, so he’s not even sure if he had That

And then Logan comes home for winter

And he’s very happily explaining how college is going in Maine

They already know lots but it’s fun to hear it in person

And Roman asks if anyone suspects he’s a fairy and if that’s causing problems and Logan says most people probably just think he’s autistic

And Roman is confused because that doesn’t seem at all?? related???

But Logan and Virgil start explaining autism and it does make a lot of sense and

Wait a minute is that what he is??????

So Roman just doesn’t freaking sleep for a week after Logan goes back to school because he’s researching autism nonstop

And it doesn’t feel right but he doesn’t know if it’s because of stigma or something else

It doesn’t feel like a bad word when he uses it to describe Logan but that could just be self deprecation he doesn’t know

And the ice cream bar model makes it really hard to tell because there’s so many options

And some of the symptoms are other mental illnesses

So he decides to just go with it for now, try it out as a label in his own head

He doesn’t tell anyone because that makes it more real and stressful and he’d feel guilty if he was wrong

But he starts using headphones to block out noise, gets himself some fidget toys to use in class, he learns that he likes certain stimuli and dislikes others (that’s not proof though that’s every single person, isn’t it?)

he starts getting better at writing conversations down first, bringing index cards actually makes him look smarter, not useless like he feared

So he still feels guilty because he’s pretty sure he’s not actually autistic and he doesn’t tell the boys

He can actually lie unlike some of the squad

And they’re all so used to getting “the world is too loud” from V and L that they don’t even realize something is different

Because remember, they’ve been hanging out with Roman for years, he’s always been restless and argumentative, and outside the college the main difference they see is he’s happier

So cut to a few months later

In some general ed class which Roman despises but that’s life

He’s partnered with the “smart girl” of the class, Serena Miller, on a group project

Which is very lucky because he has no idea what the heck is going on it’s way too theoretical for him

And she’s super patient, and they actually really click and they’re becoming good friends from they’re meetings

They’re hanging out more and more after school and she happily explains mathematical paradoxes and knot theory and he talks about the plots of different musicals

And they both just nod along half the time because they don’t completely understand, but the human interaction is very nice

And anyways Roman has this sudden realization that maybe she’s flirting with him and she’s just doing all of this with the expectation that they’re going to date

He just freaking blurts out “I’m gay and also taken” because God gifted him with chivalry, not subtlety, okay?

She’s confused and pauses for a second

Like “good for you but what does that have to do with three dimensional coordinate systems”

And he’s very awkwardly like “oh sorry I was afraid you were flirting with me”

She’s like “lol sorry for freaking you out, I just really like math, and I tend to latch onto other ADHD people because they’re just so much easier to talk to”

And Roman’s like what did you say???

So after a very long and repetitive conversation he realizes she’s ADHD and also 100 percent convinced he’s ADHD too

He says “wait a minute I don’t have ADHD?” and she’s not even like “oh you don’t?” she’s like “oh, you didn’t know?”

She’s still writing out math problems for the research as this is going on BTW she’s a fidgety girl

So, long story short they head off to a cafe to talk more without being in the middle of a library

And they meet up with a bunch of Serena’s friends, a lot of which Roman knows from theater

There’s Jaclyn Steele who played his love interest when their college did Footloose (they were Ren and Ariel)

And Aïsha Pérez who did a Romeo and Juliet monologue with him a while ago

And Gabriella Clay who’s absolutely going to be on Broadway soon, she already was on it as young Nala in the Lion King when she was thirteen, noone has any doubts that she’s going back

They talk about ADHD, how it’s not actually being unable to focus

ADHD people are actually very good at focusing on things a lot of the time, it’s just difficult to switch tasks

And they can experience sensory overload too

He finds out about RSD, which is a side effect of ADHD basically translates to “misinterpriting wjat people say to think they hate you” disorder, and that explains so many things

And it also has side effects of not being able to speak very well when stressed, so that explains a lot to

And he finds out that literally All of These Girls have ADHD???

No wonder they were so easy to hang out with?

They’re all on the same wavelength

He’s really afraid that having ADHD means he’s broken for a second, but Aïsha explains that it’s not even a mental illness, it’s just a neurodivergence

“Your brain doesn’t work worse than other peoples’ brains, it just works different”

And yeah, they agree it’s a lot like autism

Gabriella was actually misdiagnosed with autism when she was little so she talks a lot more with him about how similar they are

They end up having a sleepover in Serena and Gabriella’s dorm room

(Roman callshome to let Virgil and May know not to worry about him)

They’re all spread out on the floor with blankets, watching the office bloopers on a cracked Ipad until 5am and it’s the best Roman’s felt in weeks

And it’s not like he’s “cured” now but it feels so so so good to know he’s not alone

He ends up talking to Dizzy (who’s supportive but doesn’t understand exactly why Roman cares so much), then Mamaw (who’s happy for him if a bit confused by his excitement, he didn’t really tell her too much about the Search for a label), then the bf squad who’re mostly like ‘heck yeah none of us are at all normal’

And Patton’s not in desperate need of a diagnoses but he says he’s def not neurotypical, and he’s probably not allistic

Roman’s afraid of visiting the doctor again for fear of being denied a diagnosis

He doesn’t know what he’d do if he was told he was wrong

But Patton talks to Emile (with permission of course), and Emile gets help from his own Psychology professors and ends up doing 90% of the paper work and helping Roman with the exact criteria for diagnosis, so Roman has no doubts by the time he walks in to the hospital

Emile is also like oh that’s cool me too so that’s how Roman finds out that Emile is ADHD too

Eventually Roman does get an actually diagnosis and medication that works WITH his ADHD, not against it

And it turns out ADHD isn’t exclusive of the other things he considered, he probably did have actual PTSD and depression and anxiety and maybe more, but at least he has the root cause of so much of what makes him different

Emile also mentions there are a few other weird towns and offers to help get Roman a therapist who wouldn’t freak out about Wickhills

A few months later he ends up video conferencing Dr. Aaliyah Dixon from New Orleans and she doesn’t bat an eye at his talks about making a deal with the fae and having his memories magically separated

So he’s not “cured” by any means, but he knows who he is now, his boyfriends know how to help, he has college friends to bond with, and he’s absolutely not alone

[therainroguefanfiction]

About/Information

I write because I lead a lonely life with very little human interaction.

I write so that I can feel what friendship and love feels like, so that I can feel like I’m a part of something bigger.

I write to escape the problems that plague me in real life, to get to hang out with people and characters that have impacted my life.

I write because it makes me happy and helps me cope with the life I’ve been given.

When I write, I get to insert myself into those worlds and feel a deep connection with its inhabitants, forming bonds of friendship and love that I can’t make in real life.

For me, it’s the same as watching anime or watching a movie and getting engrossed in the story. I’m super sensitive and empathetic, so I can feel what other people experience, whether they be real people or those you find within anime.

You can call it pathetic, and a lot of people don’t understand Fanfiction and find it weird, but for me, it’s part of my life and plays a huge part in my happiness.

I pour my heart and soul into my writing, so sharing it with others is quite nerve-wracking, but at the same time, I couldn’t imagine writing just to keep them on a hard drive somewhere.

I believe that in today’s society, everyone gets triggered over everything because they are bored and have nothing better to do with their lives. While I do my best to label my stories with warnings if I think it might have legit triggering content, if you find something to be triggering and I haven’t labeled it as such, please let me know. I will review it and see if I can agree with it being a genuine concern.

A lot of my writing features subjects that I have experience with. These are the things I consider to require a trigger warning:

Mentions of suicide/suicide attempts.

Self-harm.

Abuse, both mental and physical.

Alternatively, I refuse to write about rape/non-consensual sex.

I rarely write adult content (smut, lemons, etc.) because I feel like I suck at writing them due to the simple fact that I don’t have any experience in that area. I write a lot more suggestive content (16+) which eludes to having sex but never actually states it or adds anything overtly sexual to the story.

However, due to some recent soul searching, I’ve come to realize that I may be a bit uptight when it comes to sexual content because I was raised in a strict Christian environment. I plan to try branching out and try writing some more adult content.

I will NOT write smut for any real persons under the age of eighteen (kpop idols for example).

When it comes to anime, though, I will age them up to at least sixteen. Some people may find some issue with this, but I feel like it’s not that big of a deal because they aren’t real people, they’re just characters and this is just fiction.

From my experience, not too many people like writing in Second Person, and must prefer First or Third. However, a long time ago on Tumblr (yes, I know, the bane of the internet), I saw several posts in the fanfiction tag talking about how they couldn’t relate to most original characters with their fair skin or curly hair. That got me thinking a lot, and I came to realize that I usually skip over descriptive details about original characters simply because I can’t relate to most of them.

Since that day, I decided to write in Second Person so that anyone, no matter their skin color, hair type, body type, etc., can enjoy the fics I write. I avoid adding descriptions of the reader so that anyone can view themselves in that role.

Alternatively, I do my best not to add gender to the reader, as well. At the end of the day, though, I am a female, so it’s natural that my fics will lean more towards a feminine reader, though I’m quite boyish so maybe that will help. I don’t like to label myself, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be straight, so most of my fics are about guys.

However, there are some female characters that I love so damn much that I would happily be with them if given the chance, so I might write about some of them occasionally.

Now, I’ve already stated that Second Person is my main go-to for my fics, but when there’s a fic that’s important to me or with a character/anime that I especially enjoy, I might switch to a different point of view for that specific fic. I usually add it to the pairing at the start of the fic, though.

In case you don’t know what the different points of view are, they are as follows:

First Person; I went to the store today. Second Person; You went to the store today. Third Person; She/He went to the story today.

The story behind my name is quite a simple and boring one, but I thought I would share it anyway.

World of Warcraft and Neverwinter are among some of my top favorite video games, and within them, my favorite class has always been the Rogue. They aren’t easy to play, and I always do them wrong, but it’s my favorite class and I feel so much happiness playing them.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always been obsessed with rain. When it rains here, I usually drop everything I’m doing and rush outside with some paper and a book. I can’t express how happy I feel when it rains. It calms my soul and washes away everything that troubles me. Thunderstorms are the absolute best!

Actually, I started a fic set all about the rain. At the time of this post, I haven’t added that book yet, but I’ll be adding it soon – it’s called Rain Falls (original, I know).

Over my time across the internet, I have had many names and posted my fics in many different places under different names, so if you find it posted elsewhere under a different name, please let me know.

Currently, I am only posting my fics here and on WordPress under the same name. I’m considering posting them on Deviantart, as well, under the same name but at the current time, I have not done so.

I began my writing journey when I was around twelve years old when I joined a magical little site called Quizilla. If you didn’t get the chance to experience this wonderful site, let me give you a quick rundown of what you could find there. As the name suggests, it was a site where you could make and take lots of different quizzes. The most popular ones were things such as “What anime character are you?” “Who will fall in love with you?” “What animal are you?”, etc.

Most of the stories there at the time were all about emo boys and naruto lol I remember such stories as “Who will you choose? A demon, angel or vampire”. My favorite parts of this site were the challenges and contests, which a lot of my fics are based around. Here are a few examples:

139 Prompts

Here, There, Everywhere

Lights, Camera, Action!

How to Trick Him into Bed in 10 Easy Steps

Love and Other Disasters

I haven’t been able to find a website that offers a good set of prompts like they had on Quizilla, but I still try looking for them. Ever since then, I’ve been writing off and on. I like to believe my writing has gotten better, but I don’t really know for sure. At least a little less cringy, I hope.

I also hold out the hope that, one day, Quizilla will make its return.

☂ Writing

Everything written on this blog was written by me, TheRainRogue.

☂ Original

All original works were created and written by me, TheRainRogue.

☂ Fandoms

All fandoms written about belong to their respective creators. I did not create any of these worlds or characters.

☂ Banners

All banners featured on this blog were edited by me using textures and images made by other people. All images belong to their respective owners/creators.

☂ Blog

This blog was created as an archive for my writing. Everything posted here was done so with the intention of celebrating the various fandoms other people have created. All rights reserved.

[millllenniawrites]

millllennia’s frequently asked questions

Last Update: November 19 2021

Who the heck are you?

I’m Mack (though there’s a couple people on here that have called me Milli which I thought was adorable and that is also a perfectly fine thing to call me) I’m a full-time uni student from Canada that’s been writing on here since 2016. I use she/her pronouns usually but like really what is a gender. I used to be fanfiction-trashpile (which is still my user on ao3). 

Can I translate your work? 

Short answer: no. 

Long answer: still no, but it’s more complicated than that. No one has permission to repost or translate my work. Even if you message me and offer to give me credit, I will say no. If you want to create for fandom, you should do it yourself and I will stand by that. 

I welcome fanart, podfic, and fanfic of my fics, and I’d love if y’all would message me/send it to me/tag me in it so that I can hype you up! 

If you decide to write with my original characters (the Helix universe or Dear Love of Mine) I will ask that you give me credit for the characters, but I don’t mine anyone else writing them. The only canon content created for the Helix universe belongs to myself and vampy ( @vampirewithbedsidemanners) but even we write alternate universes of the Helixverse, so it’s totally okay for other people to do that too.

Why are you so darn specific about the style you write in? 

Okay so there are a few things about this that I’m really picky about: 

I never use y/n or any other derivatives of the term (y/e/c or the like). For me, it’s much harder to avoid using those kinds of stand-ins for terms, so I like to challenge myself by never ever using them. If the fic calls for the reader’s name to be directly said, I’ll just give the reader a last name (like in dear love of mine where the reader’s last name is Dean) 

(NOTE: this is not to say that people that use y/n are taking the easy road or whatever. it’s entirely a personal decision and writers that use it are still good. it’s just not for me)

All my sfw fics are completely body/gender neutral unless otherwise specified

All my nsfw fics are with an afab reader (because I only know my own biology and I’d hate to try to write something for another biology type and end up getting it wrong and just alienating everyone)

I’m specific about these things because I do not look like the skinny/blonde/straight-haired/blue-eyed/wattpad version of a reader in RI fanfic. It alienated me back when I read on that platform and I’d hate to make anyone feel like that. I’m still learning, and I’m not perfect, but I really want people who read my content to feel like they can actually be immersed in the story, no matter what they look like. 

That being said, I do not write readers from specific backgrounds/with specific features because I am whiter than white and that’s not my place (though I have reblogged some stuff that has specific readers so there definitely is some on my page! check out the recommended tag) 

My own personal tastes obviously affect my writing (because everyone writes from their own experiences) so there is often dancing/hair touching in my fics because I like that stuff. There will be warnings for basically anything that could alienate the reader including but not limited to: hair mentions, the reader getting picked up, the reader’s clothing being mentioned, and abnormal physical activity (dancing, swimming, etc). If you

Are requests open?

Requests for moments, headcanons, one-shots and drabbles are open! please send me headcanons i love hearing what y’all are thinking! with that being said, i reserve the right to not write or respond to requests that i don’t want to do because at the end of the day, this is my space and my writing makes me happy. 

What fandoms do you write for?

I am currently writing for:

Star Wars (literally any character including rebels/CW) 

James Bond (Craig era) 

Dune (I love the books and the film so I write based on both!) 

Marvel (including all movies and the Punisher)

But I will generally write for any content I have consumed in the last 2 years (so I'd be super down to write for mortal instruments/shadowhunters, for example, it might just take longer). If you request something I am not currently writing for, I will keep your request until I recirculate that fandom/character/concept because I am basically a garbage disposal for fandom. 

Do I need to give you plot details in my requests?

Requests can be as simple as “Fluff with Poe Dameron!!” but can be as complex as you would like. Some formats include:

dialogue prompts (ie. “I missed you” with Jace)

type of fic (ie. I would love some Billy Russo angst)

relationships with canon characters (ie. can you write some reader x kylo ren where the reader is Rey’s sister?)

any amount of plot details (ie. thanksgiving at the Weasley’s where you and Percy get stuck hand washing dishes)

Moments Collection prompt (ie. I read your Poe “The moment they first saw you” fic. Can you write one with Dani from Prodigal son?)

Headcanon prompt (ie. how do you think Poe finding out you’re alive after thinking he had lost you would go?) 

Or any combination!! I like writing what you guys want to see and challenging myself with your ideas. 

What “out of the box” ideas are you willing to write?

Many writers will not write the following, so I wanted to be clear that anything on this list can be requested and will be written without being altered (assuming it’s in my lane). If any of these things are used in a work, they will be listed in the Warnings category at the top of the post.

graphic descriptions of violence (including but not limited to: injury, torture, emergency surgery)

death (major characters and reader included. I just won’t write drowning for my own personal safety) 

homophobia 

nightmares/night terrors/forced dream sequence/drug trips/things like in spiderman: far from home before peter gets hit by a train 

lemon/smut/that kind of thing (but I’m very new to this so take it easy on me folks)

panic attacks

dubcon/noncon/dark fic 

I will also write the following things that are not “warning” related but not all writers will dabble in: 

alternate universe (though I usually prefer canon-compliant work) 

crossover content 

polyamorous relationships 

What don't you write?

I absolutely will not write: 

suggestive content with underaged characters (I’ll age them up)

the act of self-harm (I will write post-getting clean or talking about self-harm vaguely, but won’t write the action or witnessing the action for my own safety)

drowning/water boarding/violence involving water (I know, very specific, but I don’t write this for my own safety)

readers that deal with transphobia/racism (I am blessed to not have experienced either of these things and it’s absolutely not my place to think I can write about these struggles. I will however reblog content I find and enjoy because it is so important to talk about these things and bring awareness to these communities)

mental illness other than anxiety/depression/ptsd (outside of canon determined elements)

specific pronoun requests. all of my sfw work is gender neutral. the reader insert/imagine space has been historically very heteronormative and I want everyone to be able to enjoy my writing, no matter how they identify and which pronouns they use. if a fic is requested with pronouns, I will still write the request. it will just be gender neutral

real life people. non-negotiable. this makes me feel icky. no judgement to those that do it. I just won’t

abo!AUs. not my jam. 

magic AUs.

I hope this clears some stuff up! I’m looking forward to hearing from you guys! my inbox is always open so feel free to come chat! 

[jlf23tumble]

Four Hangout: Recap

Oh, man, I know I “owe” this one, so I’m doing it, but I hate it for about 15 different reasons, 14 of those being Ben Winston, which means I’m gonna keep this fairly short. The Four Hangout (lmao, I will never stop laughing at the attempts to team up with Google’s shitty tech) predates my entry into this fandom, so I’m not as on top of every little thing that happened around it (and my god, there were some doozies). I’ve found other posts that do a better job of transcribing some key moments), but I’m sure lots of others are out there, and as ever, I recommend taking 35 minutes to stare at this work of art for yourself.

Whenever I’ve seen gifs from this, the read is that at least two people are coming off a coke bender as we all focus on Ben’s rather ham-fisted attempt to get Louis to admit that he hates people thinking he’s gay. But in rewatching it in full now and knowing more about the context around it, the true vibe is exhaustion mixed with some very real anger/mulishness aimed at management in general and Ben in particular. Because the point of the Four Hangout isn’t to promote Four, the album, but to exonerate the D’s management team, blow smoke up Ben’s ass, and “clear the air” about whatever rumors have been going around that the D’s team doesn’t like, all posed as questions theoretically from the fans, yet weirdly management focused.

I’ve found lots of good blog posts that summarize these 35 or so minutes, but here’s an executive summary of my comments coupled with others I’ve found:

Ben Winston is an insufferable dick

The D is so fucking TIRED at this point, everyone’s low energy, but Louis’s voice is the softest, raspiest, most enchanting thing

They regularly creep on social media and are up on pretty much everything fandom related

There are no rumors they need to dismiss except that they’re currently alive, go on, ask them twice!

Liam is great at delivering the corporate spiel

Harry really did get them sneezes out

The Louis/Ben feud is one thing; the Harry/Ben feud is a whole other

Louis reads fanfic (and has some faves!)

Narry are ride or die WMYB, except for when Harry needs to have a go at Ben

Zayn has somehow made himself look even more godlike

Louis has super cute socks

With that in mind, let’s jump into some key moments, but I’m paraphrasing a lot because it’s so hard to hear over all the cross-talk, asides, and inside jokes. More under the cut!

Shout out to Louis's collarbones and quiff combo...his voice is about to give out, but he’s so OPEN and present for this total shitshow, even when he defiantly refuses to take the path he’s being guided down. Also, please @ god let me play some poker while we enjoy a bacon butty over brunch, his face as Niall introduces Ben as a “very, very good friend of ours” (me as both Ziam and Harry):

One of the most subversive things this band does is effusive praise when they’re pissed off, and never is it clearer than here, when Niall gushes on about all the wonderful work Ben has done for them, and the other boys pick up on it and start whistling and clapping (Louis: “My hero”; Harry: “LOOK AT THOSE TEETH!”) until Ben gets extremely uncomfortable.

We’re off to a good start, with Ben being sure to preface that all of these questions are from the fans, and then Harry asking Ben if he’s wearing makeup (Ben, mildly affronted, “No, I’m not wearing any makeup, but you guys do, you wear a lot of makeup, don't you, Harry” [Harry: “Tons”; Ben: “Well, you need to”]).

The first question is about the difference between this album and their first one, and it’s such a stupid, easy question that I want to answer it for Niall because I can do it in my sleep. Ben then asks Louis if he likes visiting the X Factor, if it reminds him of the old days (you know, four years ago), and AGAIN, this is a dumb-ass question, and Louis’s a pro, so what do you think he’s gonna say? (Of course he likes visiting, it’s lovely to go down and relive it). Is Harry nervous about playing there again tonight? Nope, it’s fun!! He can enjoy it this time around! Simon Cowell doesn’t give him ANY anxiety!!

The next question is about the simplicity of the old days, and my god, does my heart break for Liam saying that they had to work really hard back then, so it’s nice that four years later, they get a few more vacation days. Louis agrees, adding that the first American promo trip was a grind where they did 10 things a day (multiple interviews, signings, radio appearances, rehearsals, and shows)

Ben asks if they ever go back and watch clips of themselves from their early days (this genuinely does seem like a fan ask), and wouldn’t you know, Niall was just chillin’ out last week, rewatching all the video diaries again. Louis admits that his red trousers and braces were loud, but they worked for the time, “Or do you disagree, Ben?” (Ben: “No, I loved it.” Louis: “Thank you.”) And I wish I could travel back in time both so I could kill Hitler AND witness Ben showing up somewhere in a pair of Toms, only to be faced by Louis Tomlinson telling him that he wore that style two years ago, and he wouldn’t anymore, which Ben says cut him down to size (I highly doubt that, but I would have love to see it).

All of this fashion talk is side-winding into a question about who tells them what to wear and whether they have control over their image now. They all note that they wouldn’t have dared to push back in year one, presumably because “experts” were telling them what to do, plus it was all free (which makes all the dragging on their old looks extra fun to watch). Then Ben asks whether they make their own decisions now, and Liam says yeah as Louis smirks, lmaooooo, which morphs into, well, we have much more input than we used to have. I’m here for Harry giving a slow, long-winded answer as a construction project starts up somewhere in the studio, and Louis yells, “Keep it down” into his mic.

Ben, I mean, the fans want to know what piece of advice they’d give the fetus versions of themselves, if they could go back in time, and Louis advises his younger self to have a second glance in the mirror and see if he’s really sure about that particular outfit. (Ben: “Is that…really?” Louis: “No, Ben, I’m just trying to make a joke.”). Liam would fight the haircuts, and Harry would burn the supras (I’m assuming; Louis: “They were outrageous”). Zayn would tell his younger self to have a bit more fun, to try and take it all in and enjoy it more. :(

“The fans” are curious about the negative side of social media, how the D just exploded on YouTube and Twitter after X Factor, and does it ever go too far? Liam channels my inbox and says that people forget there’s a person on the other side of an anon message, that these guys see all the things that are said about them, and they’re self-conscious with cameras and comments, but it’s okay, they put up with it. Louis’s addicted to Twitter, and says that there are negative people there, but you’ll find negative people on every social media platform and in real life, too, it is what it is.

Of course, “the fans” are curious about how all this social media shit affects their girlfriends, and I would kill to hear more about what Narry, the two singles on this couch, keep giggling about in this ridick convo that I’m not even gonna bother to sum up.

Ben’s curious how the fans always manage to leak everything the band does, and yes, Louis, tell us more! How does it make you feel? Liam thinks it’s anticlimactic, Niall’s only beef is when something is leaked a week before it’s out, and everyone else just gets annoyed if it breaks the structure of a rollout, but nobody talks about songs that are leaked that were never meant for official release (cough cough, "Home”), and Harry’s just happy people get a sneak peek and then still buy the album, so all is good. Me as this exchange: Ben, incredulously, “It’s amazing they’re able to constantly do it”; Liam: “Lots of high-tech people out there.”

Probably my favorite part of this is the fanfic discussion, which kicks off with Ben’s “I've noticed, not that I’ve read it, but there's been a lot of fanfiction published about you boys, books published, have you any read it?”

Zayn avoids it at all costs, but Louis’s aware of a fic writer’s book deal (who????) and says that he’s come across some of it on twitter (!!!). He finds some of it utterly bizarre (looking at you, self-inserts), but he’s read some nice little stories, and he’s seen some that go very deep and very, very weird. Liam acknowledges that it’s a whole different world, that he gets the idea of it, of fans putting themselves in situations with them (and Jesus Christ, it kills me that they’ve had to read self-insert wattpad fics), but some of it blows his mind. Niall doesn’t know where to go looking for it, but don’t worry friend, Ben’s gonna hook you up with his favorites! Harry is noticeably quiet during ALL of this.

With a horrible segue, Ben says, “Speaking of things that are made up, what’s the biggest rumor you’ve heard about yourself, this is a question lots of fans are asking” (SURE THING), and Harry never gets enough credit for his dry delivery, such as the way he says, “We’ve all been dead a couple of times.” But Ben can’t let it go, and that’s when Louis does his whole, “No”….dramatic pause (he might be saying “Go,” but the point is, he lets this bit drop where it lands). Zayn jumps in with the rumor that Niall used to be a jockey, and god bless him, honestly.

Ben realizes he’s not getting anywhere with this, so it’s time to move on to the actual album, why is it called Four, etc. It’s not really all that interesting, tbh, nor is the name they didn’t go with as a band (Liam’s dad’s suggestion, which was USP, if you’re curious). Liam figures USP will flourish one day, and this whole section proves how funny Liam actually is. I’m curious about all the One Direction tribute bands they’re mentioning, and I’m totally down to check one out if they’re ever in my area, just fwiw.

Anyway, moving on! What song are they most proud of? Zayn loves “Where Do Broken Hearts Go,” and Louis is WAY into “Fireproof,” which Liam’s down with, too. The part that’s interesting gets glossed over because Ben’s an idiot, but they talk about how many songs they’ve written that don’t make it to the album, like, Liam has a tattoo that says “somewhere is a place that nobody knows” from a song we’ll never hear called “Man on a Mission,” and how many others are stored in this vault (23 or 24 were in the final running for this album, where are they)? Harry suggests those songs will be on USP’s first album, and I will absolutely buy it. His story about the Norway bus trip makes me want to dig deep (he was on a party bus in Norway and heard one of their songs, sung by them, that had never been released anywhere, and he was the only one who knew it).

Zayn hints a bit at what happens (voting), and Liam hints at all the meetings, but I would love to know so much more about this process, especially since Niall says that lots of people are in these meetings, with lots of opinions (Simon, label, other managers).

Ben says that another recurring question is about what “Stockholm Syndrome” means, and I love the Alex Turner-esque dodge we get on Harry literally describing what Stockholm Syndrome means, without any real insight into what the song’s about. Still, I live in the awkward that happens right after this drops, with Ben still somehow trying to get them to admit they don’t feel trapped, lmao:

Ben asks about which songs are about specific people, and god, I don’t care because all of this section is lies. Then he tries to get them to talk about songs they don’t like, and they aren’t here for that, like, Liam will say he can’t casually listen to WMYB, but he loves performing it, and the best part of this is Harry saying he’ll crank that song and mouth along, pretending that he’s Niall.

For their favorite songs, Liam goes with “Fireproof,” Louis goes with “Midnight Memories,” Niall goes with “Where Do Broken Hearts Go,” Zayn can’t pick one, and Harry says “Best Song Ever.” Ben likes “Through the Dark” because of course he does, and that’s when the needling from Harry starts about “Gotta Be You,” and I don’t understand, but I live for him on the attack, so geddit, son (also, Niall, with his “your boyfriend’s back, and you’re gonna be in trouble,” etc., YES).

Another question Ben kept getting from fans (got it!) is what would be the one thing they’d change in the past four years, and Louis starts with, “Why would you want to? It’s been great, there’s no point.” Liam agrees, and that’s that. Ben’s next question is what moment they’d relive in the past four years, and Niall says he was really nervous at MSG, although Zayn thinks it was a great gig BECAUSE they were nervous. Nothing’s really happening here, so Ben asks Harry what’s going on with his hair (I guess “the fans” want to know?), and Harry just says it tends to grow, that’s what hair does, and he’s letting it all hang out.

Another “fan” question that makes me laugh from Ben: “Who makes the decisions in One Direction? Is it always your call?” And they all say NO, but Liam jumps in with, “It’s totally us, people ask us now, ultimately we call the shots,” and there’s a LOT of back-chatter here, so draw what you see.

Ben tries to push how much they love the “Night Changes,” video, and AGAIN, Harry gets on his case about “Gotta Be You,” and someone else covers it better than I ever could, but this goading by Harry is wonderful. Ben’s creative process for video concepts is fascinating because he basically admits that it’s easy or it’s really hard (read: he steals it or just throws a shitty idea to a wall to see if it sticks).

Ben asks if they get nervous about people liking the album, and Louis says they care if critics like the album or not, but really, he’s out there on twitter searching different song titles to see the fan reaction. This is also when we learn they aren’t on ye olde social meeds that much anymore, but they all enjoy a good old-fashioned creep session (Zayn especially). Harry’s comment about feeling vulnerable when you release something you’ve been working on for a year feels especially poignant—he gets excited and nervous all at once—and I really don’t get this whole controlled leak promo thing they did for Four, but who am I to question Modest or Syco?? All I want to know is what Niall’s talking about on the side.

[digiauthorenergize]

This is a stress rant post. There are a myriad of sister updates that I’m sure people don’t care about but it’s fun gossip so I’ll put them under the cut. The sister updates will be followed by and interspersed with a bunch of personal ramblings that I was going to put in the tags but instead I decided to put all the positive stuff in the tags because no one should need to dig through this negative post to find the positive stuff going on. 

Do people trigger warning their rant posts outside of the tags? Is that a thing? I’m going to do it. TWs for my sister and her husband continuing to be garbage and Anxiety and like, old psudo-anorexia habits I had but idk it’s fine. 

So she had her baby! yay! he’s cute and good and healthy and it’s been a few months (like 4?).  We had a bonding moment a few hours before she gave birth, her husband (he’s still a huge ass more on that later) was asleep on the couch and I was sitting with her on her bed watching some absolutely garbage show and she said she was sorry. And it was genuine and soft and the stuff of hurt/comfort fics cause she was like ‘I shouldn’t have yelled at you and I shouldn’t have moved out like that. You were right and I’m sorry.’ and I just rubbed her head a little and said something that essentially meant ‘I’m still working through it, but we’re cool’.  And I thought for real we were good! That like, we were going to start having a normal relationship again and stuff! And then everything got exposed. 

First she had to get over her ppd (which is a very good thing but also allowed all the exposure that’s following all this) with required a lot of help and support from our mom who’s too good for her honestly. Literally our mom is too good for her. It’s so frustrating because on the one hand she needs the help and I get that, she’s always needed the help and all the attention and I get it. I do. but it doesn’t change any of the bs she’s been and continues to put our mom through. Mom’s paying for everything for the baby: diapers, formula (she’s not breast feeding for reasons that are further down and it makes me want to scream), clothing, all of it. She was coming over every day mom was off work for a while. She still comes over a lot, but it’s not just cause she likes the help. My mom is doing everything she can for my sister and called me last nigh saying she feels like a failure as a parent and it’s not fair because mom did a great job with the two of us honestly and just cause my sister can’t make a good decision to save her soul shouldn’t be a reflection on my mom. I’m functional (mom said she thinks I’m smarter than she is and that’s something my ego does not need to hear right now cause lemme tell you what I know I’m being judgy from this pedestal atop of which I sit). I look at all my options and make decisions carefully. I watch my funds like a hawk because I’m a grown ass adult and I don’t want to have to ask my parents for help (I’ve managed not to use any of my severance package from getting laid off in April <<did I ever mention that here? I got laid off in April so I stepped up at my second job so I wouldn’t be without healthcare and stuff. Also also internalizing that ‘I’m the good daughter’ mantra is NOT GOOD STOP IT.>>  and a huge part of that is my fiance being able to handle the utilities so I can focus on my own bills (my part of the rent, groceries, phone/car/etc). Just cause one of us is a hot mess doesn’t mean she did anything wrong as a parent! She did a great job! Or we’d both be messes! But I super digress. 

((Mom and I also had a talk about whether or not she should report the whole situation detailed below this line to CPS, and my opinion was ‘technically you should be talking to a professional about this not your daughter, but yes’ and she said she was going to talk to one of the social workers at work about it so))

My sister’s husband is using opioids. again. He hasn’t done any of the parole stuff he was supposed to do after he got caught with them the first time (re: my other long ass personal posts cause I don’t know how to keep rant shit and fandom shit away from each other) and he had 3 years to do them, so his FEDERAL DRUG POSSESSION CHARGE is going to go on his RECORD. **insert all of the frustrate at the stupidity of it all facepalms here like, i can’t even** Apparently they haven’t paid their rent in months and so they got an eviction notice over the long weekend, they’re like over 10k in credit card debt (and it’s all in her name I’m sure cause she had good credit before she married this dumbass), and APPARENTLY last winter they were so far behind on their electric bill after heating their apartment with the OVEN because their heater was broken (and they couldn’t tell their landlord because they were already behind on their rent) the company made them pay the bill in CASH. like. what the fuck??? We found all this out from his mom (who’s very nice but also very nosy) over the last holiday weekend where my mom took the baby for a few nights so that my sister could go see some fireworks (and you know, have some fun) but ended up keeping him for a week and his mom had had the baby for the week before the holiday. like! what! and apparently she’s been smoking weed again which is why she wasn’t breastfeeding which, good, but also like. Logically I get it: she’s depressed? she smokes weed. We have a family history of addictive tendencies but whatever I get it, it’s her thing and whatever. but also!!! what!!! the hell!!! 

oof. 

And then on top of all that, I’ve been trying to Logic my way through my anxiety like I usually do but it’s just...not working this time. My usual method is to take whatever the feeling I’m feeling is, identify it, acknowledge it, figure out exactly where the root of that feeling in this situation is and deal with that. But half of this is wading through my sisters bs and there are only so many times you can say “you’re feeling this way in part because you feel like you’re morally/intellectually superior to your sister in a way that’s not great (tm) (but the data supports this response and then it’s off on a tangent)” and “through past experiences you’ve chosen not to address your emotional response, instead focusing on finding solutions and therefore are under equipped to deal with all these feelings (tm) and as you continue to try to suppress them so you can put on a retail face and ‘function’, they keep coming out as barely controlled bursts of chaotic energy that you usually channel into writing projects but as the bursts grow more unpredictable you’re anxiety is popping up to remind you of the unhealthy coping mechanisms we developed last time this happened but those don’t actually work the way you thought they did”. And then my anxiety comes in and says “yeah they do” and god if only they did work the way I tricked myself into thinking they did cause I could go back to only drinking my calories and eating a real meal once a day if that (for like family dinner or whatever) and with the way my schedule currently is I could and it would be so easy to just starve my anxiety again for like 10-12lbs but that’s when you start being able to really see my ribs and that’s not great fam and I’m not going to go down that road again we’re riding it out this time damn it. 

I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve made 2 new music playlists. One I use to calm down when my anxiety spikes, it’s got low-fi remixes and different grounding techniques and is super chill. The other is literally ‘ok, so you wanna have this anxiety attack? We’re Gonna Go??’ and it’s all stressful music. I’ve gotten to the point where I can crest and regroup in 12 minutes, and if I time the playlist correctly I can do the whole thing in the shower while I’m getting ready for the day so when I’m done I just have to get dressed and go. Which is also not great but whatever fucking works I guess?

Also big ass unrelated side note: I’ve come to the realization that I’m Ace, but not sex-repulsed, which was a thing I had to tell my fiance and he kinda gets it? But not really? Cause that’s really important to him and his sense of self-worth which is a whole other thing we’ll probably end up in couples therapy for, but we’re both willing to do that so. 

As soon as everything else settles down we’ll get to that. Which is what I’ve been telling myself about my emotions for years. As soon as this settles down I’ll try therapy again. As soon as I have health insurance that will actually make it affordable. As soon as I get settled. As soon as I have time (and then I over book myself). As soon as as soon as as soon as. 

I’m so annoyed with myself. But it’ll be fine.  Sunshine comes after some rain and you need some rain to grow.  

[winteriron-trash]

About Me/FAQ

Hey, welcome to my blog! This is my -well, usually- Marvel-centric blog that has everything WinterIron, Bucky Barnes, and Tony Stark, as well as some general shitposts of my own wild adventures. I figured it’s best to keep up this trend of updating my ‘About Me’ page every follower milestone. So thank you all so much for over 3,000 followers, I never expected to break that many followers, let alone in less than a year on Tumblr. I appreciate each and everyone one of you, so really, thank you for sticking around with my bullshit.

Per the usual, I don’t do drama, I don’t do discourse. If you have a serious problem with me or anything I’ve written/done on this blog, please take it up with me personally. I will delete anon hate (if I get any, I haven’t gotten any yet…) and I think it’s all just pointless. I can be salty and derpy sometimes, but I will never purposely say something malicious. I’m not here for that negativity.

Now, to the FAQs.

Do you have an Ao3/Pillowfort/other social media?

I do have an Ao3, you can find me at Gothic_Lolita. I don’t cross-post everything, and a lot of my stuff on Ao3 isn’t WinterIron or even Bucky or Tony-centric, so if you’d like to see some other stuff I write, feel free to check over there. I don’t have a Pillowfort, nor do I plan on getting one. It took me forever to get this platform right, I’m not in the place to bother learning how to navigate a new one. I don’t do Snapchat or Instagram or Twitter because I am not nearly basic or cool enough for that stuff. The only social media I use is Tumblr and Pinterest, and trust me, my Pinterest is nothing interesting enough to be worth linking.

Do you have a tagging system?

I’m… trying, honestly. I’m trying to adjust my tags and systems because of the… wildness Tumblr is having with blocking and purging certain tags. I try to be funny in my tags, and I swear a lot, and apparently ‘fuck’ is being filtered out of the tag search, so that’s fun and completely screwed me over. As it stands, the important tags are ‘winteriron-trash writes’ (my writing tag), ‘shitposting with becca’ (any wild shitposts of my own sad creation), ‘not about marvel’ (any posts that are my general bullshittery and not Marvel related), ‘becca gives mediocre writing advice’ (a new tag I’m trying to use that’ll tag any post that I give writing advice on), ‘becca spills the tea’ (a tag for whenever I post my metas or opinions on Marvel characters, plots, etc), and the citrus scale which I explain in a post here

Do you write original fiction?

Yes, but I rarely, if ever, post it. I think I have all of one poem on Tumblr, any absolutely nothing original on Ao3. I write original works all the time, especially poetry and novels, but I’m super shy about being vulnerable and putting my stuff out there. I do wanna post my original writing somehow, but considering a fandom blog and Ao3 aren’t really the place for it, I’ll just keep it all hidden inside of me, and one day I’ll die. You’re more than welcome to ask me about any of my original writings, trust me, I am always willing to ramble about the shit I write, it’s pathetic.

What type of fanfiction do you write?

For this blog, mostly WinterIron fics or gen fics focused on Bucky or Tony. I do write about OT3s on here occasionally, but they usually include WinterIron in some way. Most of the time. I’ve somehow gotten to writing some weird stuff lately, to be honest. I’ll work with MCU, Sony Venom, and Spiderverse characters and canon, with the occasionally comic canon shoved in there. I have occasionally written crossover content with DC characters, but that usually relies on comic versions -or at least my own remixes of them- rather than the DCEU. On my masterlist, you can check out all the things I’ve written!

What are your ships besides WinterIron? NOTPs?

I’ll ship almost anything, and I’m a huge fan of rarepairs/interesting relationships simply to explore the possibilities of it, particularly when they include Bucky or Tony. My top OTPs besides WinterIron are currently Phlint, FalconShield, and BlackPepper. As for NOTPs, I strongly dislike Stucky, Stuckony, Thorki, and Staron for reasons of just not being able to see those characters together romantically. Feel free to send me the wildest rarepair your mind can think of, chances are I’ve probably already thought of it myself so I’d love the chance to ramble about/write for it. I’m a big fan of weird OT3s as well, just see the weird shit on my masterlist.

Are you in any fandoms besides Marvel?

I’m into DC, Star Trek, classic literature, Percy Jackson/HoO/Kane Chronicles, She-Ra, Carmen Sandiego, indie gaming, Supernatural, vulture culture, HYDRA Trash Party, and musicals. Yes, I’m aware I was born to be a geek. Trust me, I’ve grown very used to it.

Do you take prompts?

Honestly, sending me a prompt/headcanon/idea is a shot in the dark. I have prompts sitting in my inbox that has been there for about a year that I’ve been meaning to write. Chances are if you send me a prompt yes I’ve seen it, yes I think it’s lovely, but god I do not have the time. Occasionally a prompt will really grab my eye and I’ll just have to write something for it, but sometimes even that can take months to finish. Don’t be surprised if you send me a prompt and I randomly fill it seven months later. I’m prone to doing so. I love being tagged in existing prompt/headcanon posts and asked to write it (as I have a bad habit of hijacking posts to write stuff for them to begin with…) just know that once again the chances of me writing it are about a 50/50. Also, make sure the OP is okay with you asking me to write it, it’s never my intention to steal someone else’s spotlight, I just want to take cool ideas and throw my two cents in.

Is there anything you won’t write?

Drugs and alcohol are hard nos for me. They’re personal triggers that if you really want to know more about, you can send me an ask or message about. If I’ve listed something as a NOTP, I will not write anything with it. I strongly dislike writing kid fics, mundane AUs, damsel in distress Tony fics, and A/B/O, but I’m willing to work with an idea if it’s good enough. It really depends on the situation.

Do you offer writing advice/reviews?

Yep! I’m down to answer any questions on writing fanfic or just writing in general. I love talking about writing and all that. Seriously, I like talking about writing almost as much as I like talking about Marvel. I’m more than open to reading a few chapters of your fic or book or whatever and telling you my honest thoughts, but I probably won’t have time to read all of it if it’s more than 5k long, because I’m just a busy person. And I will be honest because I want to be helpful. Don’t ask me for my honest opinion if you just want your ego stroked.

Can I ask your opinion on [insert topic here]?

Always. I am always open to sharing my honest opinions, regardless of backlash I’ll receive for it. I’d rather be my honest self online -the one place I can be my honest self- then a fake mask made to please others. Whether it be fandom ships, in-universe meta, or non-fandom related topics, feel free to ask me. I love talking meta, or just general thoughts and opinions on random stuff. Trust me, I’m far too opinionated for my own good. Ask literally anyone who’s met me.

How long have you been writing?

All seventeen years of my sad, sad life. I loved writing stupid little stories when I was a kid, that slowly morphed into shitty “books”, then I went through a poetry phase in junior high, and when I was about 14 I wrote my first fanfiction. I posted my first fanfic when I was 15, and have been posting fanfiction for over a year and a half now. I started Tumblr in late February but didn’t start writing fics here until about March because I am a shy bitch.

Aaaaaaand now for some stupid shit about me you didn’t ask for.

My name is Becca, or Winter, or Dumbass, whatever you prefer, and I’m a dumbfuck 17 yr old lesbian from upstate New York. (The ‘upstate’ part is important. Don’t ask me if I live in NYC. Just don’t.) I’m a junior in high school and planning to study English and Marketing in college, to hopefully become an editor. Hopefully. I’m actually a pretty boring and dumb bitch, which makes it all the more concerning that I am steadily gaining popularity on this hellsite. Someone help me.

I mentioned some of my interests above, but some other stuff I’m into includes knitting, playing piano, tea, collecting (hoarding) notebooks, photography, editing, music, and being a general idiot. I’m a wild child in ripped jeans and a leather jacket, which should not fool you because I’m far too shy and afraid of everything to be cool like that. I sound a lot cooler online because I’ve gotten so used to online interactions from making friends and running my own Discord server, but in real life I am unrecognizable. I’ve been in a grade of 60 people with the same people since kindergarten and some of them still don’t know my name.

I’m mentally ill and all that, but we’re working on getting… better. Writing schedules are a mess from me and sometimes I’m falling apart so, that’s fun. It doesn’t usually affect my blog because I internalize that shit, but occasionally the self-deprecating humor can get to be a little too close to the truth. And just the general spastic nature of my blog reflects the utter chaos of my mind.

So anyway, that’s me, please be my friend. Also, because this seems to come up more and more. Please don’t be afraid of me/intimidated by me. I know I look all cool and popular, but I am literally a hot mess just like the rest of us. If you want to climb your way into my messages and just,,,, scream at me about something you think I’d like, or just scream in general, go ahead. I really won’t mind, I promise. I need… friends, or so my therapist tells me.

Oh, and here’s a face reveal.

Yes, I am that absolute idiot of a person, lying splat in the middle of my elementary playground field for,,,, reasons???? I don’t really remember the story behind that picture tbh, but it’s my entire personality in a single picture, so I dig it.

And here’s my actual face, with a cheap ring in my mouth and a fox filter because I thought I looked cute, okay? Leave me be.

Tadah.

I swear I’m funny and talented sometimes, please like me.

As always, feel free to send me an ask or a message about anything you’d like. 

Check out my Masterlist if you want, and join my Discord Server.

[distressindisguise]

Ranking My Jarchie Fanfiction

I’ve been in the Riverdale fandom for a long time so I’m going to start this off by stating that in the very beginning, the main ships were Beronica and Jarchie. Crazy right? Bughead wasn’t really a thing. Now, there are barely any Jarchie scenes in the show but I still write Jarchie fanfiction on wattpad here.

I love writing reviews and just writing period and after re-reading my fanfiction for the first time in months, I’ve decided to write a brutally honest review. So let’s begin.

5. Meadow Of Flowers

For some reason, this is one of my most popular fics. Though it always seems that way right? The things you write that you’re most proud of never get the recognition you think it deserves, but the things that have been slapped together hastily seem to do very well. A. K. A the fanfiction writer’s curse.

Here are the good things: the idea and the plot started off great. It’s a cute, clear concept. It’s not complex or hard to comprehend. The prep draws flowers on the goths notebook, the goth surprises the prep by drawing more flowers, and the prep tries to get to know him so he creates a tumblr and messages him anonymously. The text messages sent between the two are funny. It’s a good laugh, something to snicker at when you’re bored and have free time. The characters are really interesting. Archie has an infectious attitude and watching Jughead try to deal with it is equally as entertaining.

Here are the bad things. The plot loses itself somewhere in the middle. All of a sudden Jughead has an ex girlfriend that comes back in town and his father is the leader of the Mafia or some while crazy crap like that. There becomes too many irrelevant characters. None of the rest of book actually has to do with the main concept, the meadow of flowers drawn on a piece of paper that brought them together. I really don’t know how that concept got so lost. But even still, it garners up tons of reads. For what reason? Probably because of the text messages. Archie’s dirty pick up lines and Jughead’s insertion of memes are probably the only thing that keeps readers coming back.

The writing also extremely lacks. It’s a dialogue based book. There’s not much substance there. It’s literally all quotes. Definitely not my best work. I’d say it’s my worst. I cringe when people tell me they love it so much.

I haven’t updated the book in months and honestly I don’t think I’ve ever going to. If anything, I’ll delete all of the wild chapters and keep the text messages. This fic is the definition of the cringe side of Wattpad and I promise you my other fics are nothing like this trainwreck.

4. Treehouse

Treehouse is my only ongoing fanfiction. It’s probably going to be my last Jarchie fanfic. I’m not sure if it’s my last fanfic on Wattpad though. I’ll have to see. I’m kind of over the Riverdale fandom and the show if I’m being completely honest.

Jughead and Archie spend a summer in the latter’s treehouse getting to know each other, but once they get back to school the story gets twisted into a lot of dirty rumors. Jughead wants to forget what happened, but Archie wants to further their relationship.

Good things: Characterization. Jughead is fem! In this book. He’s bubbly, innocent, and an all around strong character. He’s an activist, a vegan and a super inspiring person. He’s extremely lovable. It’s easy to support and fall in love with his character. I wrote Jelly Bean, his sister, older in this book. She’s also a dynamic character. She has her own issues as well. The book doesn’t just focus on Jarchie, it focuses on Jelly Bean’s problems, Archie’s problems, Betty’s problems, and my OCs problems individually. Their lives all intertwine and that’s another aspect that makes the book great. The writing is good and the storylines are relatable.

Bad things: Because there are so many storylines, the book drags. I’m often left to wonder what the actual plot is. There’s no climax or end goal. It’s more like a look of the lives into each person, which isn’t a bad thing, but it causes the story to feel slow and sometimes meaningless. There are currently 19 chapters written and published, but it feels as if there’s much less because nothing has been accomplished and nothing has been destroyed yet.

Despite that, I do think it’s an entertaining read and in terms of writing, I think it’s easy to follow and easy to love.

3. Circumlocution

My readers like to call this book Hell.

I am usually a fluffy fic writer. My books do tend to have angst, problems that need to be solved that eventually work out, but this is not one of those books.

Jughead and Archie dated in high school until Archie left one day out of the blue. Jughead never got a call, never got an explanation, but was instead left to deal with his miserable life without one of the people who made it bearable. Archie comes back to Riverdale a year later, finds Jughead at a bar, and offers to take him home on a long, awkward, emotional car ride into the unknown.

Good things: the plot is amazing. There’s very few settings, the most used one being the car, so it’s easy to follow. It’s structured, the chapters flashback to a couple of years ago so the reader can piece together what happened to Jughead while Archie was gone and what happened to Archie after he left. The flashbacks give a glance to both sides of the story as the characters stay clueless to the whole truth until the very end. It’s my shortest, most consist fic, numbering in at 25 chapters and a heartfelt epilogue. The writing was done very well, every emotion is felt. The anxiousness, the tension, the hatred, and the hint of affection they both still had toward each other are displayed well. There are subtle clues dropped to allow the reader to guess what happened, and little details start to make sense at the very end.

Bad things: even with that “glowing review” there are some shortcomings I think. I’m also very picky about my own work by the way, so in reality these fics may not be as bad as I’m making them out to be.

Because there’s very few settings, I think sometimes the setting does get lost. I think the car could be described more. I think the mentions of the road could be used. Maybe I’m fussing, but there’s lots of times where there’s just conversation and the reader assumes that it’s in Archie’s truck because that’s where they last were. Still, I think there should be reminders instead of just still dialogue. For instance, how much moving around can you do in a car? The only other locations are pit stops to get food. The rest of the locations are in the flashbacks, which don’t really play a huge part to the story itself.

I also think that maybe the book is too dark at times. One thing that I hate about wattpad, is the number of dark fanfics written by 12 year olds who romanticize topics like depression and self harm. I didn’t romanticize the topics, but they’re there and I tried to be respectful and treat them with the seriousness that needed to be there. There’s physical abuse, substance abuse, self harm, it’s a lot. It’s why my readers call the book hell, because it’s a lot of emotions at once, especially when you grow so attached to two characters and grow to vouch for their relationship to work out in the end.

My favorite part of the fic is the epilogue because it shows someone reaching out, getting help, and trying to get better. Its the right approach.

My book is also called hell because of the ending... but I’m not going to spoil that for you.

I just think that the mood in the fic could be lighter in some aspects. There needs to be more breaks for happy flashbacks, or more light hearted conversation. Sometimes I feel as if the transitions are too quick. Jughead could go from yelling at Archie to slowly easing up when they reminisce about the past, but I think the shift should be more gradual. Still, in terms of plot/structure/and writing, it’s my best fic. Hands down. So why is it at number 3? Let’s see.

2. Nameless

Maybe this is where my bias steps in.

In reality, this would be tied with my number 1 choice because this is one of my favorites, though I don’t think it’s technically better than circumlocution in terms of plot. This is another book that drags on for longer than it’s supposed to.

Nameless didn’t have a name. He was 17 Years Old. He didn’t talk to anybody but his social worker. He didn’t show emotion. He spent his days reading and coming up with names until one felt right, for the boy had amnesia after a terrible accident that separated him from his parents and his old life. Archie comes around, and soon he learns to stop viewing with the world with indifference and hanging onto the past.

Good things: Characterization yet again. I’m very good at characterization. Although the Riverdale characters are not mine, I’m very good at giving them their own unique personalities to fit my plots and ideas. Nameless is obviously Jughead, but his character is so complex. My favorite thing is watching him grow as a person throughout the book. He seriously learns how to love, how to deal with people, and how to accept himself and what he has. Watching his relationship grow with his adoptive parents and his adoptive siblings is just as amazing as watching his relationship grow with Archie. I think that the writing is done well, though there is some things left unanswered in the end that I ended up explaining in my final author’s note. The plot is consistent as well.

Bad things: Like I mentioned earlier, I do think it drags on. Some scenes are definitely unnecessary and there’s some chapters that can be scraped out. There’s no reason for why there needed to be 60 chapters.

As a fanfic writer though, I think it’s safe to say that most of the time fics are filled with a lot of irrelevant chapters for fluff. They’re fillers, sure, but most people read for the fluffy scenes of a relationship. Chapters like that are also important for live updating a book. Sometimes it’s just easier to throw in a filler to give readers what they want in order to work on plot centered chapters. It’s something I’m conditioned to, but something that isn’t really a pro when writing a real book, which is something I want to do. Maybe I’m giving myself too much crap for this, but eh it’s definitely something that needs fixing.

Another thing that needs work would probably be my tendency to introduce characters and forget about them. One of my original characters, Jay, was a big part in the middle of the book, but then he slowly faded away and wasn’t brought up again until the epilogue.

1. Aberration

Here it is. My first Jarchie fanfic. My pride in joy. Look at the love this fic has been shown? My goodness. 116k. It’s probably my greatest accomplishment. This is my favorite fic and guess what?

It’s total bias.

But let me get into why this is good first. (Jughead being asexual is the best part)

This book is a coming of age story. It’s probably my only fanfic that takes place in the actual Riverdale Universe. All of my other fics are AU’s with the only connection to Riverdale being their names. It starts with Jughead and Archie at 4 years of age and goes up to age 27 with an epilogue at age 33. That being said, I can’t give you a specific plot summary because sooooo many problems arise and so many problems are solved throughout the years. It’s a glimpse of their life, and it’s beautiful.

Good things: sticking to canon. (In the beginning at least) Jughead is just as lost, confused, and edgy as he was in season one. (I say season one because Jughead in season 2 felt like a whole different character and I feel like the writers kind of ruined him. There’s such thing as character development but I think they went overboard. Anyways, that’s a different story.)

Their childhood is written as I envisioned it. There’s canon conversations, like Archie’s proposal to Betty when they were kids. It’s sweet.

Besides sticking to canon, I do a good job of sticking to parallels since there’s such a wide range of events and incidents going on. I think it shows continuity in the characters from when they were 10 to when they were 20.

Not only that, but the plot is just all around entertaining. There’s always something to aww at, something to get mad at, something to laugh at, something to cry at. It’s emotional, watching them grow up and go through all sorts of things. The problems that arise are real coming of age problems. People lose friends, make new ones, go through identity crisis, deal with loss, deal with stress, deal with home issues. It’s all there and very real. It’s raw. I love that. The character development is also amazing. Watching little kids turn into strong men and women is really interesting and fun to watch.

My favorite part is that Jughead is ASEXUAL.

I did so much research. When I found out that Jughead was supposed to be asexual in the show, I took my chance and ran with it. I did my best to represent the asexual community in this book. It’s what makes it so unique. It’s why this is my favorite. I get lots of dms about how this helped people figure out how they identify or get trough what they were feeling. I’ve put resources to the AVEN website, a safe community for asexuals. I did my best and I love the product. I love that I’ve helped people. This really is why this is my number one. Besides that representation, Kevin Keller is gay, Archie is bisexual, Liliana (my og character) is Hispanic, and my other og character, Aaron, is African American. Everyone loves my OCs in the book, especially Jackson. Representation to me is soooooo important. It’s one thing that I really nailed.

Another thing that I love about this book is that my development as a writer is so obvious. As the chapters go on, I get better and better. I start to fall into a style, and it’s so enjoyable to see that reading it again. The chapters get more descriptive, the grammar starts to improve, and the plot starts to get more complex.

However, in terms of technical aspects, it’s probably one of my worst written fics in the beginning. Still not as bad as Meadow of Flowers, but close.

Bad things: First of all, it’s written in present tense. That’s not totally against writing rules, but it’s unconventional and it’s more common for stories to be told in past tense. Again, I didn’t really know what I was doing. It was my first time writing in third person. It was my first time taking a crack at storytelling in years.

The grammar is awful. Because it’s in present tense, my tenses and verbs are sort of messed up at times. It feels awkward. And if it’s not that, it’s the fact that I for some reason can’t spell for my life. It makes for some very embarrassing typos like “he pressed a quick piss to his forehead.” I also didn’t know that whines and wines were two very different things.

...

I used wines as a verb for most of the book. If I was writing in past tense, I probably would’ve caught onto that mistake 100 chapters ago.

That’s another thing, the book is actually 100 chapters long. Despite that though, it doesn’t really drag like the other books do because there’s a new problem that comes along with every age. There’s not many dead spots, but some people do lose interest in it after the two graduate high school which is around chapter 60 I want to say? There’s a table of contents in the beginning that separates the chapters by what grade of school they’re in and by age. It’s convenient. You’ll need it if you don’t feel like sitting through elementary school Jarchie. Or maybe you don’t like college Jarchie and you want to skip to adult Jarchie. I’m telling you, it’s convenient.

But back to the grammar thing, I didn’t know that most quotes didn’t end with periods at the time, and that’s a huge problem that doesn’t get corrected until maybe my fourth book. All the dialogue had periods at the end instead of commas. For instance:

“But you said I could,” Jughead whined.

^That’s correct.

However, this is what I did:

“But you said I could.” Jughead wines.

^That basically sums up how bad the grammar is throughout.

Though technically imperfect, it’s definitely still a good read. The plot is amazing. 116k reads should tell you that it’s worth the read if you can get past those mistakes. Although I’m being hard on myself about it now, no one really noticed it. If they did, they never called me out on it. Honestly, writing on Wattpad has low expectations so just separating paragraphs correctly boosts your writing into the good category. Honestly that’s my biggest pet peeve. I used to do it too, but I can’t read a book that has huge paragraphs of dialogue without a separation between which character is saying what. It gives me headaches.

There’s tons of mistakes in this book, trust me. However, I think I’m going to leave the mistakes there. I want to look back on it, pisses instead of kisses on foreheads and all.

Anyways, I spent a good few hours writing this review and I doubt most people are going to read this but it’s going on my blog because it’s an honest evaluation.

Honorable Mention

That sixth book you see in the first image? The one with the flowers on the cover? It’s called Alphabet Jarchie and it’s my ongoing one shot book. I take a word from every letter of the alphabet and write a one shot about it. Obviously I can’t really rank it with my fics, but the one shots are helping me cut to the chase in my writing, and I think my ideas are pretty good. So if you don’t feel like sitting through my longggggg fanfics (though they are pretty enticing but this is me being harsh) you can check out my one shots.

This was fun.

DistressInDisguise x

Again, you can find my works here or under my username @DistressInDisguise on Wattpad.

[shiroe-is-my-baby]

Injured

Summary: After a rather hard hit, Ashley is injured and losing blood fast. Stephen and Tony have to get her into surgery before something terrible happens. Saving her is the only thing that matters, everything else can wait.

W: self-insert x canon, familial, slight angst

((Note: I finished this up rather quickly because I wanted to get it up. It’s a quick fic just explaining how I found out the truth with Tony! If it seems a mess it’s because right now I can’t focus much, but I really wanted to get this out. I actually liked it mostly!)

The impact of the landing caused me to topple onto the ground, groaning loudly after the initial contact. It was so powerful that I ended up shifting back into my human form, blood trickling from the wound at my side. It was deep, and I ended up coughing up blood from my mouth almost instantaneously. Shuddering, I stayed on that heavy concrete, feeling the weight of my body sinking into the ground. There wasn’t an ounce of power left in me, and I could barely even hold my claws at this point.

Blasts and shouts sounded around me, but the only thing I could hear was a ringing in my ears. Planting my palms flat on the ground, I struggled to lift my body up as it shook. “Ashley!” Tony shouted, his voice in my ear from the earpiece that he had given me, “God damn it. Wizard, get your ass over there and help her!” I tried to shake my head, not wanting to be the reason that anyone was distracted. Before I could say anything, I heard another shout followed by a hand on my shoulder.

“Ashley, stop. Don’t move. Let me look at you,” Stephen said, softly.

“No, I’m fine. Just finish this-”

“I’m not leaving you. They’ve got it covered for now. Please.”

I sighed softly, slowly relaxing back down on the ground.

Stephen’s hands examined my side where the blood had been trailing from. I had many other cuts and bruises on my skin, but that one was the worst, the deepest, and the biggest. It was the main reason why I was unable to move very much. I started to feel very light-headed, and Stephen started to notice as he lifted my tight fitted top.

“The wound’s too deep. You’re losing a lot of blood,” He said, “We need to get you treated now.”

“Stephen, wait-”

“Stark! She’s badly injured and can’t continue! We need to get her to safety immediately!”

“Got it. Fluffs, I need you and Cap and the others to continue without us.”

I tried to protest, but Stephen was keeping me down and it was already too hard to speak.

“Got it. We’ll be right behind you.”

His hands kept me still, pulling me against his chest as he struggled to catch his breath. This was all my fault. If I hadn’t had overused my power and took a second to analyze the situation, then I definitely wouldn’t have been in this position right now. Tony told me to stay back and let him handle it, but my pride wouldn’t allow me to.

God, why was I so stupid?

I’m supposed to be here saving the city, not causing more trouble.

“Ashley, stay with me,” Stephen said, watching my eyelids flutter, “We’re going to get you out of here. Just hold on a little longer, okay?”

I nodded, coughing a bit more.

His eyebrows furrowed, worrying filled them as he wiped away the blood that trickled down my chin. Slowly, he adjusted my body in his arms and stood up to situate myself. His body felt so warm, and I folded against him almost immediately. It was comfortable, and definitely a step up from the hard concrete below. The cloak’s edges flitted across my face, and I took a second to glance into Stephen’s eyes.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re going to be okay,” He whispered, even though he was getting a little choked on his words.

Tony landed beside us, uncovering his face to get a good look at me. I could barely see him from how blurry my vision was getting, and I just felt so weak.

“How bad is it? What’s the damage?” He asked, glancing at Strange.

“It’s pretty bad. She’s lost a lot of blood. This wound’s very deep, and it looks like she’s got a few more-”

“Well, then what are we doing standing around here for! Let’s go!”

Hearing Tony shout was new to me, I’d never heard him this frantic before. I’ve definitely heard him scream and shout at me during a fight, but this was completely different. He was nervous and scared for me. I’d never heard such a quick and irrational response from him. It’s no surprise, but it was just proof that he was losing his composure.

Stephen nodded, and before I could even blink there were bright white lights shining above me. The ringing in my ears was back again, and I was leaning my head against Stephen’s chest for support. The only thing I could hear was the muffled voices of Tony shouting and Stephen trying to calm him down. Even though, he wasn't really in a position to say much. He too was calling out for someone to help him with me, no doubt speaking of his credentials to get someone immediately.

“Stephen…” I mumbled, trying to speak but my voice was failing me.

“Shhh… it’s okay, baby. We’re going to get you treated as soon as possible. I promise… nothing’s going to happen to you.”

I wanted to reassure him that I was fine, but how could I? There wasn’t anything to indicate that I was. Stephen knew better. There wasn’t anything that I could say, even if I could. He knew how important it was that I figure out the damage immediately. At the rate that I was going, there wasn’t long that I had to wait.

Finally, he managed to get someone to come along that he most likely somewhat knew. I didn’t really catch anything that was being said, mainly because they were talking super fast and I was fading in and out of consciousness.

“Is there any more damage? Any more wounds-”

“I’m sure that she does. Kid got beat up pretty good.”

I groaned, feeling Stephen set me down on what felt like a bed. But I wasn’t entirely sure.

“What in the… What could have caused this-”

Tony went into a long detail explaining the blasts that I was hit with. It was a long string of scientific gibberish that my usual self couldn’t even understand, let along my current self that was half unconscious.

The nurse let out a loud sigh, and I could hear Stephen interjecting rather quickly. “She’s losing consciousness. We don’t have a lot of time. Please. This is my wife we’re talking about here,” He said, “Get me a doctor right now.” I could hear the sternness in his voice almost, and I was sure that he was close to cracking at this moment.

Tony was already gone, demanding that someone come immediately. Using everything that he could in his power, and Stephen was trying his best to keep his cool. If I was awake and conscious I would’ve been better help, but I wasn’t in the right state right now. It was at this point that I had lost completely consciousness. I wouldn’t wake up until after the procedure was over.

I’m sure that the entire time Tony was frantic, but Stephen was helping in any way that he could. There was no way he would leave my side for anything.

When I finally did wake up, I was in a hospital bed with monitors around me and a really bad headache. My head was dizzy from the drugs they had given me, and I could only pick my head up a little bit. Immediately I felt a warm hand touch my arm, shifting my hair from my face. Stephen looked so blurry, but I could make out the curves of his face. I immediately felt safe, folding into his touch.

“Oh good, you’re awake,” Stephen spoke softly, “Try not to move too much, okay? You’re still recovering, but you’re going to be alright.”

“What… Stephen, I’m sorry, I-”

“There’s nothing to apologize for. These things happen. Just rest, I’ll go let Tony know you’re awake.”

He walked off a second later, not before adjusting the blanket around me.

The room was extremely cold, but it was comfortable. Too bad I couldn’t enjoy it. I was still in a lot of pain, my side still healing from the impact of the blast. My entire body felt like I had been run over by a truck. There’s no telling how worried I made everyone. I hoped that I didn’t cause anyone else to be hurt because of my foolishness.

Swallowing hard, I tried to push back my tears as the door opened again. Tony cane rushing to my side, taking my hand in his. My vision was still blurry, but I could make out the worry in his face and furrowed brows. Holding my hand tightly in his, I felt him squeeze and let out a breath that he’d been holding in. I really didn’t want to worry him or Stephen. I hated that I had put them through this.

“To...Tony, I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t you dare apologize. None of this is your fault. If anything, it’s mine. I’m the one that gave you the order in the first place.”

“Please, don’t say that. This isn’t… this isn’t your… fault.”

I tried to sit up, wincing and hitching my breath from the pain.

Tony slowly pushed me back down, shifting my hair from my face and whispering softly for me to stay. It was hard to stop myself after I’d been on the move for so long. I’m not used to just staying put at this point, especially when there was possibly still trouble to deal with.

“Ashley… sweetheart… I know you just woke up, but… there’s something I need to tell you.”

I blinked slowly, watching him shift in his seat and squeeze my hand harder. The tone in his voice was strange. I’d never heard him so close to crying before, and I started to wonder if something had happened while I was unconscious. I couldn’t tell how upset he was, and I noticed that Stephen hadn’t come back into the room.

“Tony… what is it?” I asked.

I took a couple more breaths, and I could now fully see his face.

It was rather obvious now that he was tearing up, and it was the first time I had seen him cry. It was hard to see him break down like this, even though I had no idea what had prompted it. There could be the possibility that he was just worried about me, but there was something else. His hands were shaking around mine, and he cleared his throat quickly before he spoke.

“You lost a lot of blood, and you needed an emergency transfusion. Turns out you and I are a match, but… there’s something else…”

I tilted my head, “What…”

“Ashley… I don’t know… how to say this but uhm…”

His voice trailed off, and he looked up at me with those same glossy eyes.

I wasn’t prepared for what he was going to tell me.

“You’re my daughter…”

My eyes widened, and I stared at him for several minutes trying to process what he had said. It wasn’t like I ever expected for this to happen… or had any idea. I always thought that my father just left when I was young. I had no idea that… my father was with me the whole time. The one person that I always saw as a father figure. The man that I have grown to love as a father was… really my dad the whole entire time.

My eyes began to water, and I felt my lower lip trembling.

“I don’t… I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I. I’m… I’m just as shocked as you are, but… I always knew that there was something special about you.”

Swallowing hard, I started sniffling as tears fell down my cheeks. It was hard to let the idea sink in that Tony was my biological father. I had no idea that this would be a reality. To be honest with you, I had always wished that it was a possibility. All this time we spent together and how close we came to be. How much I cared about him and how much I looked up to him. I always wanted this to be my reality.

Now that it was… I honestly couldn’t believe it. This had to be some kind of crazy dream or joke.

“I’m sorry, Ashley. If I would have known… that you existed I would have been there. You have no idea how… hard it was to find out the truth. I’m happy, but… I’m disappointed in myself for missing everything-”

“Don’t be… I’m just happy that we’re together. And that I finally know.”

I smiled, giving his hand a firm squeeze.

Tony chuckled.

The two of us were silent for a few seconds, trying to let the moment sink in. I knew that Tony was most likely beating himself up on the inside, while I was just happy. This was… so much better now that I know that it brought us closer together.

“This doesn’t change anything, does it?” He asked after a few minutes of silence, “I don’t want it to change the way you feel about me. You would’ve been my daughter either way, but I understand if it will take you some time-”

“No… you were my dad before, and you’re my dad now. You’ve always been my dad.”

And for the first time since I woke up, I was able to sit up and wrap my arms around him in a tight hug.

Tony squeezed my back as gently as he could, holding me against him as I sobbed into his shoulder. I’d never been happier knowing that I finally had closure on my relationship with him. All this time I knew that it was something special, but I had no idea it was because of our connection. Now that I did… I knew that the universe brought us together for a reason.

And I was just happy to finally know the truth. The truth that I had felt in my heart this whole time.

[superfluouskeys]

11 Questions Meme!

I’ve been tagged in some Fun Things so sorry in advance for some light spam today!  For this one, I was tagged by @thevikingwoman

Rules: Answer 11 questions, write 11 of your own, tag 11 people

1. Something you like helping others with?

I really like being able to help people whenever I can, though i don’t usually have the mental energy to be a good consistent support system.  I’m better for like spur of the moment, weird hour of the night kind of help hahaha.

As far as I can tell, people seem to come to me when they want to make a big change or take a big risk.  A move, a haircut, an audition, that kind of thing, because the way I live my life kind of draws attention to the fact that I do that kind of thing a lot hahaha.  I really like being able to help people make a decision that might be considered crazy or scary by most people, because I think those often turn out to be the best ones for a lot of reasons.

2. Favorite non-Earth planet

I don’t have a strong attachment to any of them tbh?  When we had to do reports on planets in elementary school I just asked to be assigned one that not a lot of people were doing.  Didn’t want any of them feeling neglected.

3. Game that will be at E3 you are looking forward to

I don’t super care about any of the titles I see I guess?  I like Fortnite okay but I don’t even know how to get better at it yet lol so it’s hard to envision spending a lot of time or money on it.

4. A book or fanfic you haven’t read but want to

Not unlike watching new things, the stars have to align for me to be in the mood to read a new thing, and lately I’m just not in a concentrating mood.  I also have the unfortunate habit of wanting to read an entire book/fic immediately or just forgetting about it until it comes back to me at like 2 am and I decide Now Is The Time.  Come to think of it there’s a fic by @menzosarres that I’ve been meaning to check up on.

5. Pros and cons of campfires

Pros: fun and warm, often involves camaraderie and food  Cons: smoke and embers in face

6. What aspect of yourself is your favorite (stealing this one)

Lol it’s not a great time for this question bc I’m kinda down on myself atm.  I think it’s good that I try to make things happen for myself in spite of whatever inner demons are troubling me at the moment, and it’s led me to some interesting places.

7. First video game you played

Probably the Sims?  I remember being crazy about the concept and wanting it for a really long time when I was really young.  I’m sure my parents had Regrets because I freaked myself out one day when my self-insert character died in a fire, and I had a lot of families where when the loading screen stayed up for a long time I had to be like “they’re.................sisters” which I am positive fooled no one.

8. Favorite smell

I know it’s supposed to be like a Big Strong Sensory Thing but I honestly don’t have much emotional attachment to smells.  

9. Plans for the upcoming weekend? (or next day off)

I currently have four days off!  But tbh I’ve been kinda highkey depressed the last few days so I’ve kinda got my hands full fielding that off.  I’m trying to just keep doing things eg. writing and singing even though my brain is like “what’s the use you’re useless give it all up!!!” but here’s hoping something can inspire me enough to calm that shit down for half a second.  I’m also kinda vaguely considering another crazy person move after this contract lol like did you know you can only get a working holiday visa in Australia until you’re 30?  The Time Might Be Now!

10. You go to the nursery to buy some plants. What do you get?  (Someone else is paying)

Idk anything about plants sorry I can barely keep myself alive

11. What will be better a year from now 

Something I wrote almost ten years ago has become something I still cling to in times of turmoil.  I’ve never been able to envision myself or what I’ll be doing very far in the future, and that used to trouble me a lot.  Now I like to think that it’s because the future will hold things I never could have imagined in my present circumstances.

MY QUESTIONS:

1. What’s something you used to dislike about yourself but have made peace with? 2. A bad habit or negative trait you’ve overcome/improved? 3. The most accomplished/proud you’ve ever felt? 4. What do you do when you’re feeling sad? 5. How do you react when someone hurts your feelings? 6. Do you prefer hot weather or cold? 7. If you could easily uproot your whole life and live anywhere else in the world, where would you go and why? 8. What makes you feel trapped, and what makes you feel free? 9. Early mornings or late nights? 10. A physical activity you enjoy and a physical activity you hate? 11. Favourite season, and why?

Okay here we go I’m great at tagging people:  @misslestrange274 @menzosarres @artwaffle142 @delilahmidnight @delirious-comfort @joansglove @quintrovert @widowwaif @rocket2saturn @petradanvers @littlereddove  OMG I DID IT I DID IT THAT’S 11

Please do not feel obligated and if you don’t like being tagged in things please tell me!

[dirtydragonthoughts]

All those secret rules...

I was gonna do this as a commentary on a reblog of this post, but I wanted to talk a little about some personal(ish) stuff and didn’t want it attached to the main post.

I’m gonna stick this all behind a “read more” cut to avoid cluttering up people’s feeds with my navel-gazing...

I have rules for my writing, just like the OP explained in the post I linked. But I’ve been trying to dissect whether my rules come from my subconscious, or whether they come from work.

My RL job is writing. I’m a professional writer, but... not like that. I guarantee you’ve never read anything that I’ve written (or if you have, I am very surprised). I am a technical writer, and I spend my days writing computer procedures, policy documents, communications, etc. 

I point at the Kurt Vonnegut quote in the Wikipedia article I linked for an explanation of what my work writing is like: in my work writing, I can’t sound like me. We have a corporate "voice” that sounds like everyone and no one. It’s carefully cultivated, and it’s my job to mimic the tone and sound of our corporate voice in everything that I write. 

So while it might be a little strange that I write all day at work, then come home and plop myself down again and do more writing in my free time, I find it freeing. At work I have to focus and get the sound of my writing correct, in addition to making it accurate and clear and easy to understand. It’s hard. When I come home and work on my fanfics, I feel free.

Mostly.

See, I do have writing rules, but I don’t really know whether they are ones that my subconscious feels like I have to do because of how my work brain interprets “things to do,” or whether they are just something that my anxiety has cooked up for me.

Here are a few. Some are the same as the OP of the Secret Rules post:

If there is a good scene coming up, I need to work up to it in chronological order. This isn’t to say that I always write chronologically; in one of my current WIPs, I left a bunch of holes that said “insert Prowl POV here” and moved on. But if there’s a scene coming up that I’m excited about, I won’t let myself write it. 

If I need a new throwaway character (especially in TF fics), I will spend three hours on TFWiki looking for the perfect character to use, rather than just popping out an OC and carrying on. (There are exceptions to that, but not many.)

If I’m writing anything regarding canon stuff (that I intend to be canon) I will research obsessively to make sure I got all of the nuances down. 

And my big one: I need to keep producing. Write write write. Churn it out. Get more words down so I have more “product” to post.

It’s that last one that I think comes from work, and it’s the one I’m most afraid of.

We’re not measured on output at work: that would be insane. We have some tasks that are super quick things we can whip out in an hour that might be 800 words, while getting the details and approvals for adding three words to an existing document might take months. But we are measured on productivity, and I think that’s bled over into my fanfic writing.

I haven’t been writing in the TF fandom for very long: just under a year. But I’ve already churned out (checks AO3 stats) over 250k. Is it all good? It’s probably all right. Might it have been better if I haven’t been in a self-made panic to always have something ready to post and something else that I was working on in the pipeline? 

Probably.

And even now, I look at the progress report I just posted and find myself worrying. That long fic is kinda angsty crap, although if I finish it I’m probably going to post it anyway. And the short fic is agonizing how slowly it’s coming. But I feel the need to only work on those just so I have something to post soon!

Why?! 

I need to step back and remind myself that I’m doing this for fun. And in fact, I have a whole slew of other fics that have been burbling in the back of my head that I’d like to start on, but... my brain kept telling me to work on the ones I’ve started first.

Well, fuck you, brain.

I don’t want to burn myself out. I’ve having a hell of a lot of fun finding different ways to smush giant car robots together and make them hug and kiss and have adventures together. 

So I’m going to open some new documents tonight, and get some new WIPs going... The WIPs that have been occupying my brain lately. 

I need to remind myself that I am writing for me. *nods*

[kareenvorbarra]

@crocordile tagged me in the writing meme, here you go

1) How many works in progress do you currently have?

i can’t BELIEVE all you guys who responded things like “5 or 6,” i was so embarrassed i almost didn’t do this meme omg

okay, if i define “work in progress” as something where i actually wrote part of the story (instead of just an outline or notes), and if i take out everything that i don’t plan to finish because it’s old and bad or i’m just no longer interested, by my count i currently have 20 WIPs for Tolkien, 6 for Vorkosigan, 3 for asoiaf, 2 for Star Trek, 2 for Star Wars, 2 for Greek mythology, 1 for Tortall, 1 for Knight and Rogue, and 1 for Red Rising. I’m trash, i know. 

There’s also some random stuff for Dragon Age but i don’t know if i ever plan to post any of it - it’s mostly for a crossover verse where one of my wardens and one of Juliana’s wardens go through the events of Origins together, so i’m basically just writing it for her and me. 

2) Do you/would you write fanfiction?

girl that’s about all i write these days

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks?

paper books. i’ve tried ebooks before (i got an old-school kindle ages ago, before they had the fancy ones that are basically just tablets) but idk. when i really like a book i end up wanting to own a paper copy, and i also own waaaaay too many physical books that i haven’t read yet, so i’m always trying to buy fewer books, which means i’m not about to invest in another ereader (i hate reading whole books on my phone). also, there’s some part of me that likes having all my books accessible from the same place in the same format. sometimes i pirate ebooks that i already own just so i can search for quotes more easily when i’m doing research for a fic, but that’s about all i use them for these days. 

4) When did you start writing?

when i learned to write, pretty much! i still have some old notebook from early elementary school, where i wrote parts of original stories as well as some Harry Potter self-insert fanfiction, back before i even knew what fanfiction was. i haven’t stopped writing since. 

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

i love validation so sometimes i just post excerpts on tumblr or ask if anyone wants to see them, especially if i’m stuck on something. i send Juliana literally everything i write - sometimes i make her read incomplete stuff if i need encouragement to keep going, so she’s read lots of my fics multiple times long before they’re ever published. i’ve also occasionally asked other lovely people like @heckofabecca and @eluchil and @squirrelwrangler to beta things for me. 

6) Where is your favourite place to write?

my bed, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t. the couch is good but not often a viable option, because i still live with my parents and younger brother so there’s usually someone else there watching TV or something. coffee shops are nice too, as long as the seating is comfy. 

7) Favorite childhood book?

i’m not sure how i can possibly pick one. um. i was VERY into Tortall starting in elementary school, and Protector of the Small was always my favorite. Ella Enchanted. The Enchanted Forest Chronicles. The Tiffany Aching series, especially A Hat Full of Sky. Harry Potter. 

8) Writing for fun or publication?

when i was a kid i always dreamed of getting published one day, but for a long time now i’ve just been writing fanfic, which has to be for fun. i’d love to get back into original fiction, and i’ve written a few things in the last couple of years (mythology fanfic that i guess is technically publishable, my story for Dates 2), but i’m not really in a good place creatively right now, so i pretty much just work on my fics when i feel like it. 

9) Pen and paper or computer?

these days, computer. i wrote pretty much everything by hand before the age of 11, though, and i still have lots of old notebooks full of bits of stories. sometimes i use notebooks to jot things down, especially if i don’t have access to a computer at that particular moment, but i always type it up later. 

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes?

an academic writing class and a creative writing class in high school. i tried a few times to get into creative writing classes in college, with no luck. i can’t remember taking any other classes that specifically taught writing, but i feel like every humanities class i ever took was an exercise in writing better (but only academic writing). 

11) What inspires you to write?

i used to be more motivated by spite than i am now hahaha, i think because i was around more wanky people a few years ago. also i have had very little motivation for some time now. i get most of my ideas thinking about scenes i wish i could read, or backstories for minor characters i wish i knew more about. i think practically everything i’ve ever written has been some kind of gap-filler or “this scene must have happened even though it’s never actually mentioned” or a character study of a super minor character. so basically, wanting more is what inspires me to write. 

[miniwolfsbane]

Copied from @andalite-angel post. Edited slightly.

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, etc. are allowed.

Biospecialist, Marco/Rachel, Sam/Rahne, all cannon Disney Princess pairings, the two young kids Pacific Rim Uprising,  Lancitty, Evo Kurt/ Amanda,  Jott in Evo. Skyward??

B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or ***** that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.

Fanfic writers and Evo romy, adult Jubilee x Gambit, others.

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Never gonna be big on Evo Romy ever again, will forever hate Rahne x Roberto, Sam and Rahne with anyone but each other!!

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

Evo Romy...somtimes. Because it does sorta make sense IN FANNON, but not in cannon. And Jean x Scott, because it’s so iconic, but I only like them in Evo, so...yah.

E - Have you added anything cracky crazy/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what? 

See my fan fiction.

F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?

The Little Mermaid and Star Trek have been there for 95% of my life.

G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?

Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask, Sam/Rahne, Ariel and Eric (first when I was 5, even though I wanted to be Ariel), Rachel Tobias (first when I was actually gettin into fandom), Jake/Cassie (Animorphs), Clark/Lana, Clark/Lois (I think??) and Chloe/Ollie, Romy (even in Evo at a point!), and now Eliza and Goliath in Gargoyles. I keep saying I’m not a shipper, but I think I’m just a subtle one that pines and doesn’t read a lot of fanfic, but my heart swells over seeing my OTP on screen

H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?

TV Shows and Western (superhero) Animation mostly, but also a few animes.

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

I was annoyed by the Agents Of Shield fandoms behavior for a while, but I’ve never stopped liking any fandoms because of Tumblr. 

J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)

SuperWhoLock, Riverdale...some other popular teen shows.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Tie between Sailor Moon and Gambit I guess, but I’m sure there are lots of others. Sailor Jupiter has a good arc as well, even though she doesn’t have a lot of character development TBH.

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)

Roberto Dacosta’s super strength power is pretty cool and he’s a chill guy. And rich. (I just realized that a lot of X-Men characters are rich, actually. Gambit, Xavier, Warren and him. Holy crap.)

M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.

Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Moon. TAS Rogue too, because she seems fun to hang with, and who wouldn’t like to be called “Sugah” all the time?

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

MORE GAMBIT (and comic Nightcrawler) IMAGINES!! And just more love and less fan wars across all fandoms, really.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Hero by Chad Kroger. Ship: Romy or Mollyx Remy. Character: Gambit or Angel.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).

For any fandom? A mad scientist and a famous baker get together after the scientist contacts aliens, resulting in a warring invasion on earth.

Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.

To be perfectly honest, The Smurfs because we’re a Christain household and we found it had stuff in it we didn’t agree with. I was three.  Other than that, I’ve only given up one other fandom permenantly that wasn’t what I thought it was and chosen at a bad time. 

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

Kurt and Kitty in Evo, and Logan and Kurt is cool, but I don’t actually pay much attention to it.

S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)

Hmmm. One that isn’t too boring? Remy isn’t (wasn’t? He is married now) particular about a woman’s height and is comfortable enough with himself to date a woman much taller or shorter than he is. (Remember, Frenzy was freaking 6′7 before she got rebooted to a normal height and it was implied they had history.) For a while it was a wish of mine they’d pair him with a short gal, because all X-women are physically clones of each other, minus Rahne, Kitty and Jubilee. Blargh. Oooh, just had an idea for a new art project to make the girls look individual! ^_^

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Besides the above? Uh...headcannon that Remy smells good and his hair is silky to the touch and yes I’m a sick, weird little person, I know. Haha, not really. I’m not much of a headcannon person. 

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

* Gambit: Hot, suave, lit, accent, good cook, romantic, my fictional ideal man (told you, I’m sick and weird). * Sailor Jupiter: Sweet, loyal, living on her own at bloody 14 years old, strong physically and emotionally, had trouble believing/finding her feminity like me, tall (not like me!), brunette character, thunder powers. * Tuvok (Star Trek): My second crush ever, calm, reflective, hot grandpa, sarcasm galore, strong, suffers emotionally and physically, POC and like the only black vulcan that I know of, cute little boy chest, that butt (XD), frakin’ hot.

V - Which character do you relate to most?

Surprisingly, one I haven’t talked about yet and that I’m not really fandom-y about. Rapunzel from Tangled. When I saw the movie, I was attached to her immediately. I’d grown up homeschooled and at that point I’d been caregiving for one of my parents for six years at that point, unable to move out and get married and have much of a life, so I was always metaphorically in a tower too. I have childish interests, am artistic and creative, have done LOTS of self-insert art like her, and am a generally happy person (even if I don’t always show it and don’t smile enough). So, out of every character in my many fandoms, I relate to Rapunzel the most. Also, I have only 2 things of Tangled merch-the movie, the soundtrack, and a gorgeous bedspread that’s actually based on the show, but doesn’t look like it. (I don’t like it’s animation/character designs, so it’s been hard to get into it.)

W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.

OMG, do we have to go here? Anything over-sexualized or kinky or just plain gross/weird. (v***, gore, ect.) There’s this one X-Men:Evo artist on DA that would be brilliant, but I can’t stomach their gallery because they feel the need to do a few  v*** and bondage pics amongst otherwise G-rated pictures. *throws up* IT’S A SHOW FOR 7-YEAR OLDS!! 

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Huge guy, Tiny girl! (but it looks...weird...in live action. *Good Luck Charlie flashbacks*.) Also age differences. Some people are put off by Usagi and Mamo’s age difference in Classic, but I think it’s cute and they were really chaste about it. Specifically, I liked the part where he told her to do well in school for some reason. 

Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)? Holy crap, Pride and Prejudice and Anne of Green Gables. No one on my dash is into them though, it’s a real life thing. Long story.

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)

I have written more self-inserts than is probably healthy, but at least I’ve mostly gotten past my teenage phase of thinking anime guys are hot and it’s extended to Gambit as well. I’d much rather see him be portrayed by a living, breathing actor semi-bringing my fantasies to life than as a drawn character. Well, not that I’m not happy seeing him animated and his voice in Evo is still super hot, but that’s another thing. Anyway, on that note, I wish XM:E weren’t a dead fandom and I could get more reviews instead of just faves/follows. I get so frustrated, because I’m not writing my fics for myself, I’m writing them to finish the story and for the fans. I know OCs/SI aren’t everyones bread and butter, but when you work hard on something, you want people to enjoy and appreciate it on it’s own merits. My regulars dropped off the planet and the fandom is just not that active online. (It’s still kind of active though, otherwise the Gambit and other prints on Steven Gordon’s online store wouldn’t have sold out so fast.) I wish it had been as creative as the MLP fandom, but even that wouldn’t have saved it. Thankfully, there are a few people “keeping the faith”, like Coldfusion180 and some others. They haven’t abandoned it and people have made AMVs for it in recent years, long after the shows cancellation. I know we’ve all moved on in one way or another, but it’s still nice to see the love for the show and it’s characters going strong, even if we’re now a niche fandom, tiny, but there. And even if I don’t get another single review up until the last in the series, at least I can say I finished it, if nothing else. Even if your fandom is dead, keep supporting it. If we don’t keep the characters alive, they die and are forgotten. They need us.

https://fanfiction.net/~miniwolfsbane

[bisexualbenpaul-old]

miscevus replied to your post: y’all give me quick fic requests idec the...

whispers,,, softly,,,,, nea/pasta,,,, like that post u reblogged earlier,,, modern lunch date w/ cross (and optional mana) overseeing fr the bg,,,,,,,, ;o

HERE GOES SOMETHIN

Wallet, keys, phone, and a proper outfit— triple check! Though, when Nea stands before the full-body mirror, admiring and thoroughly inspecting himself, he wonders if the outfit is… too much. What if Allen thinks him ridiculous for dressing up in such a way? After a moment of thinking on that, Nea notes that his date is far worse when it comes to this sort of thing. He recalls with a brief smile the time Allen had to go to a super market— simple little city super market— and he wore fancy black slacks with a full button-up white shirt. When Nea innocently (but not really) inquired how much hair gel Allen used for that trip, the brunette responded with one of the dirtiest looks, probably in the history of dirty looks.

 It just served to make Nea laugh, though, and at the memory of that, he even snickers to himself in the present. He’s fine, and Allen may even appreciate the formal-ish look.

 Before stepping away from the view of the mirror, Nea gives himself a quick finger guns gesture, and then he’s off. Out the door, into his car, and to Allen’s apartment he goes, excited for today but apprehensive as well. The first date with his best friend of… well, he can’t exactly remember how long they’ve been friends, but it’s been a while. He almost couldn’t believe that Allen had actually been interested in him, but here he is, driving to meet his date. It’s all so weird and amazing.

 “Who’s the shit? I’m the shit,” he says to himself once or twice as he parks his car and then turns it off. Self-assurance is a mighty thing, Nea knows, so a little encouragement every now and again won’t hurt.

 As he climbs out of the vehicle, he peers up the outside stairwell with apartments on every floor, searching for Allen at the very top. He’s not there yet, so Nea patiently waits, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets and standing by his car as he does so. He successfully manages to completely zone out in that lapse of time that Allen isn’t there, and though he snaps out of it when he hears his date greet him from the top floor, he doesn’t remember anything he had been thinking about.

 “Apologies for making you wait,” Allen says as he hurriedly approaches Nea’s car shaking his head. “Cross came over briefly, the annoying fool wasting nearly all of my time. You pulled in just as he left me be.”

 Nea scoffs, looking up to the uppermost platform a last time, finding the redheaded man in question, leaned over the rail with the stupidest look he makes. Nea knows that look, and he knows what it means, so to combat the suggestive comments he will definitely get later, he simply ignores Cross and gets into the car with Allen.

 “A fool!” Allen repeats in exasperation, immediately beginning to rummage through the compartments where Nea often keeps his music CDs. “He said Mana informed him of our date today. He visited me just to hound me about it! ‘Where are you two going?’ ‘Are you one of those no-sex-until-the-third-date kind of guys?’”

 A grin finds its way to Nea’s face as they exit the parking lot. “That’s how he knows to be a friend, Allen, and I know it can be nuts sometimes, but he’s just messing with you nine times out of ten.”

 “Well, it’s that last one that I would like to experience more of,” Allen snorts and inserts a CD marked ‘angry mood’. Nea marked them specifically for how Allen felt for the duration of their car rides, so whatever he was feeling, the CD would have the songs he liked most for those moods.

 Thus, The Neighborhood blasted within the confines of Nea’s car all the way to the restaurant.

 It didn’t take too awful long for the pair to be seated, their drinks brought, and their orders taken. The entire time, Allen sat very proper, straight, shoulders back, never setting his elbows on the table. To Nea, it’s nothing short of charming— he has seen Allen relax before, and it’s not that he feels he needs to look a certain way to be perceived a certain way. He just likes it, and Nea loves it. He wonders if he’s biased, however, considering Allen could probably do anything and it would be charming.

 “Manatees aren’t endangered anymore, did you know that?” Allen suddenly pipes up, peering over his big round-rimmed glasses at his date. “We have had quite a past few years, but manatees getting their wind back is wonderful news.”

 Nea nods, grinning. “The Siberian tiger, too,” he adds on.

 Allen beams. “Honestly? I hadn’t heard! That’s exciting, maybe we really will improve on that front. Those animals could be wiped from existence, and that would be that— terrifying, isn’t it?”

 “Yeah, but I think people will stop being stupid and get their shit together before too much longer,” he responds, now moving his attention to the silverware wrapped neatly in napkins before him. He nudges them a bit, getting them lined up with the foamy mat where his plate will go, and it takes a moment, but he manages to get it right.

 They continue to talk, over multiple things. Current events, music, what prank to play on Cross next— it’s easy. They were already friends, they’re just… a different kind of friends now. They can still talk like friends, act like friends, and that’s one of the coolest things about this scenario.

 Their food arrives not too long after they had been seated, served with quick “if you need anything, let us know”s and “please enjoy your meal”s. Allen takes no time in digging in, but Nea takes a tad more time to start. He unfolds his napkin, retrieves the cutlery he thinks he’ll need, places them on the edge of his plate, and refolds the napkin. He had, unfortunately, drank his beverage a bit too fast, so now he has to worry about not finishing the full meal. Hopefully, that won’t be the case, and as he stares at said meal, trying to decide what to eat first, he spaces out again.

 It’s only a moment, however, before his phone vibrating calls his attention.

 Quickly, Nea grabs the device, opens it, and sees he has a text message. From Cross? Weird, but not incredibly unexpected.

 “Why aren’t you eating?” is all the text reads.

 Nea stops for a good minute, blinking at the words. Is the redhead trying to act like he knows what’s happening, so he can pretend he’s psychic or some shit?

 “What the hell, man?” is what Nea texts back.

 “Look behind you”

 He squints at the text for a few seconds and then tries to subtly do as it said, but he doesn’t find Cross anywhere among the few people seated in the rows behind them. Just as Nea begins to turn around in his seat again, one of the customers about three booths back raises their hand. It’s a quick and nearly unnoticeable gesture, but upon closer inspection, Nea does indeed find that red stubble on the bottom of that sharp chin, and though a dark hood is pulled up on his head, Cross’ crazy bright red hair spills ever so slightly out and onto his chest.

 Beside him, another someone sits, less disguised, only wearing a pair of shades and a fake moustache on his upper lip. Mana is with him.

 Once it registers that his best friend and his brother snuck onto this date with him, Nea quickly turns around in his seat again, trying to stifle his laughter as he returns to his phone. All he sends back to Cross is a “wtf” and then puts it down for the last time until after his food is done.

 “Having fun, there?” Allen asks, grabbing his drink. “Who texted you that made you laugh?”

 Nea can’t help the few giggles that spill out, so he says honestly, “It’s fuckin’ Cross.”

 Allen rolls his eyes. “I am not surprised. No doubt, he plans on knowing every detail of our date, but the poor thing’s a bit impatient, isn’t he? Good lord.”

 As he eats, Nea tries his hardest to stop laughing, but he continues to lose it every few minutes. “Yeah. Impatient is definitely a word that can be used here.”

 Later, once climbing back into the car, Nea would pick up his phone and find that Cross had replied another time after his last message. “I wanted to make sure you kids had fun”, it read, and Nea started laughing all over again.