#the glass is ollie's poor fucking heart

[reblogglelog]

i can't believe hal put a ring on it

feat: ollie's new cryptid husband

[imzsuzsis-blog]

"Fourth place is not bad."

A faint smile appeared on my face.

"Dude, what do you think about my ranking?"

Carlos' little boy jumps on my neck from behind.

"Fuck, I forgot you were pregnant."

He giggled with a glass of champagne in hand.

"Carlos, there's no problem, for example, I can't drink your champagne because it's alcoholic, but I'll ask to be released from the team and I'll drink it."

"I understand that you have a fetus?"

I laughed next to him and pointed to my stomach.

"Well, I still eat a lot, we're not very well, I was a bit underwhelmed with the blood test and the urine test, but if necessary, it's necessary."

"Up to what?"

"I don't know whether it's HBsAg or what, blood clot or pus or what, I seriously don't know."

,,Urine and pus once with me too..."

I leaned back and almost fell asleep when Loki started playing sexily with his fingers on my shoulder.

"Hello, dear, you're fine, it's a shame..."

"Don't worry, we're great friends!"

"Nothing..."

"Loki ohh!!!"

I jumped up, caressed him face sexily and we walked away.

"Were you thinking about sex?"

"Very baby"

I started biting his face and neck and pulled off the black T-shirt that he bought somewhere two years ago and has not been able to take it off my boyfriend since then.

"Lando, you need to make a statement."

,, Oh my Jesus, I've got it!!!! I'll be right over. Sorry not even."

I got the tiny microphone and had to speak again, while poor Loki had to say no to sex again.

"Lando is ready."

"Loki... Are you sleeping?"

"Yes, I didn't just doze off so comfortably here."

I lied to him, he became quite rude from the present, and we were only going to go on a date to an elegant restaurant if his team doesn't invite him to a party again.

"No, not now, I'm not going, but Oscar, he's playing well."

He started fiddling with my hair and making big giggles at the same time, it was cute like that. I sat down on my lap and let him hold my face the way he likes really girlishly and not to touch his cell phone, we looked into each other's eyes and he also let him kiss me girlishly, I answered him with a really manly kiss, we did it for a good half a minute because they finally got us again but now it's not the bad ones, but a good sports photographer who was good-natured and asked if he could show it on his Insta page, we giggled and said yes and just continued the whole thing.

Both Lando and my girlfriend watched the slobbery and tender smack they cut with Loki, it was clearly nauseating, as if they were fucking with their tongues.

"Lily, it's disgusting, it's fucking, I can't bear to watch it with my tongue."

"I know, but you were such a peasant that you lied that I said I could kiss you in peace, even though this is not true!!!! Huh? Are you bisexual?”

She started hitting me with her little red bag, which is like a purse, but it's very hard and painful, compared to how a girl can hit a lot.

"Well, I'm bisexual, but he kissed me, not him."

"Is my ex a cheater?"

"Uh, Ollie, the freak came to us. No, it wasn't just an idiotic kiss, believe me."

"I believe it, but what the hell is it?"

We wave to him partly because we were saying goodbye to him, he should go too because the track will be demolished if he doesn't expect more fines, on the other hand we are going to a party and he should come too.

"Hold on, I'll call you... Pick it up now... No, the tongue is stuck first."

"MR Norris?"

Someone tapped me on the back, Loki and I only showed our middle fingers, because we didn't smack, to put it mildly, but I rode up and down his tail nicely, but we did it discreetly. Exactly the plug. It was because he didn't have a condom on by accident.

"Lando... It's over."

"Look, mine is also pure milk, please?"

I handed it to him and we started to lick my fingers together and we were still smearing while I even asked for Loki's milk and we licked it too.

"Mhh, this is delicious my heart."

"You tell me these two milks are the most delicious in the world!!!"

"Lando Norris is under arrest for public prostitution."

"Here you go??? But he's my boyfriend and we only had sex discreetly, does that fit into an engaged relationship????"

I burst into tears when they cuffed me and it hurt especially when they twisted my head backwards.

"I would refuse to say that we are an engaged couple, he has the ring on and is even pregnant."

"We're sorry, but what he did was not even recorded by the camera and photos were taken of him."

"Loki, please do something, anything, for the sake of the little one, but you started this shit, prove it, please!!!!!"

"You understand and understand everything... It would wait!!!! No, he didn't start it, it was me, whoever gets taken away from here today will be me, not him, he didn't do anything, he didn't order the hormones and that's all he wanted for sex."

I bit my lips, the handcuffs got tighter, they won't let go, I can feel them bending, but be careful and I'm in the police car. I started sobbing, I'm not like that, I've never done that, and now I'm done here, I would have gone to bed, but I saw the pictures, you shouldn't just sit with your back straight.

"Ten minutes and we're at the wheel."

"You guys are tight, he says it wasn't me, I just kissed him."

,,Says a gay prostiute”

"Let's not mess with my past, Jesus, it was the age and I needed the money for Formula 2, then Forumla 1, and after Covid, everything to do well with the sponsors."

I tilted my neck back and began to suck my mouth.

"Well, fake pregnancy buddy, we're here too, if you want to work in the profession again, drop this shit!"

"It's real, I'm seventeen weeks pregnant, screw me Holly and Jussy, that wasn't funny!!! Take me home, I have to change, I have a date with Loki."

"Not a boy will not get pregnant."

"Shut up and yes, I'm from Ollie."

"If it stays here on your ass or there is a tape on your mouth, on your butt, and on your hip, well, this is a kidnapping for millions of euros and it will stay here forever."

I stayed sitting on the chair, I knew what the fuck is going on, I'm giving birth to my little one in a place with no windows, competitions are questionable, friends, I should cancel and I may never see Loki again.

[randynova]

♡𝓜𝔂 𝓦𝓸𝓶𝓪𝓷♡

𝓖𝓾𝓷 𝔁 𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦: 𝐴𝑙𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑦 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒, 𝐺𝑢𝑛 𝑖𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑐𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑎𝑙 𝑡𝑜 𝐺𝑜𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑛 ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑓 𝑖𝑡 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑠 ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑜𝑛 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒.

✦✦✦ ✦✦✦

𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔(𝑠):𝐹𝑒𝑚!𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟, 𝐹𝑙𝑢𝑓𝑓, 𝑠𝑜𝑓𝑡(𝑠𝑖𝑚𝑝)! 𝐺𝑢𝑛

✦✦✦ ✦✦✦

“Why couldn’t this have waited until another day?” Gun muttered, unbuttoning his shirt, letting it slide off his taut frame, and neatly folding it, placing it onto the roof of his car. He was glad he hadn't put his jacket on, having left it in his passenger seat. “I can’t dirty my clothes again, [Name] will be mad if I get blood on it.” He rolled his broad shoulders until they released a satisfying crack, his thick muscles bulging as he stretched his arms across his scarred chest. Gun peered at a nearby store, the digital clock displaying in big white numbers, ‘7:45 PM’. He groaned, his lips curling into a scowl whilst his arms fell to his side. He didn’t have enough time to deal with this.

“Hmm, and it’s almost time for our date. Fuck.” Gun whispered to himself. He clenched his fists, narrowing his eyes at the man across from him. He removed his shades and revealed his dark gaze, placing his favorite accessory to his side as well. “I’ll make this quick, Goo. I have more important places to be.”

Goo laughed, grinning in his spot as he balanced a pole in his hands. He rolled his eyes, arching a brow at his partner. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, Gun, maybe if you didn’t spend all your time by [Name]’s side, we could have dealt with this matter much earlier. That girl has you wrapped around her pretty little finger, huh?”

“Shut it,” Gun said, already racing towards the blonde and thrusting his fist, knuckles colliding with metal. Upon the cold sensation meeting his skin, he wanted to absolutely kill Goo and rip him to shreds. This would take longer than he wanted, wasting his already precious, short time. He backed off, having a considerable distance between the two, stretching his fingers a few times before clenching them again. He growled, spitting venomously,  “You just like picking fights.” 

“You did too. Before you met her, y’know,” Goo tutted, waving his finger in the air. He scoffed, voice low, “Who would’ve thought? Gun going soft for a girl. Psh, pathetic. Never thought I’d live to see the day...” The blonde trailed off, his face becoming stoic, his mind wandering. You truly had to be someone exceptional if you managed to have a guy like Gun to fall for you. He always wondered who you were, how you looked like, what you did, but Gun had kept you a secret from the world of crime. He hid almost every known trace abou you and tied every loose end that implicated you existed. No one knew who you were and no one could find you — unless Gun allowed them to. 

Goo found it so irritating how he was unable to know the girl who made such a notorious gangster go soft. 

He only met you once and that was by pure sheer luck; dropping by unexpectedly at one of Gun's apartments, only to be met with the sight of you. Seeing how Gun reacted, he knew you were supposed to be kept hush-hush. But boy, did he have a field day the next time he saw the man.

Goo had to meet you again. Or at least, know you more.

Only when Gun’s fist connected with Goo’s face did the man snap out of his thoughts, the impact of such force throwing him a few feet backwards. He dug his feet into the floor, a high-pitched screech coming from his shoes as the rubber burned against the pavement. With his sleeve, Goo wiped his cheek, seeing a speck of blood staining his clothes. Goo chuckled, standing up straight with a grin, “If I can remember right, you told me you got Eli Jang in trouble for basically the same thing. What was her name again? Heather?”

Goo blocked the upcoming attack, his pole raised and crossed above his face. He pushed Gun back with an effortless swing of the pole. He tilted his head and scratched the back of his head with his free hand. “How is [Name] any different from Heather? What does she have on you?”

Gun twisted his neck gently until he heard a crack, looking back at Goo as he hissed with venom, “Nothing.”

“Let me think, let me think….” Goo hummed, racking his mind for any possibility that someone like Gun would stay with a woman longer than one night. His face lit up and he broke out into a wide grin, pointing a finger at Gun. “Aha! You got the poor girl knocked up, right?! See, I always tell you to wear protection! Just couldn’t keep it in your pants, hm? Shaaame.” 

“Ugh, fuck no. I don’t want kids and neither does she. We made that clear at the beginning," Gun said with a sneer, annoyed beyond comprehension at Goo's antics. 

“Awe, I really thought she held something over you. How about this: I’ll stop fighting you if you tell me why you’re still with such a pretty girl like [Name]? Deal?" Goo offered, slinging the pole onto his shoulder. His eyes darkened as he spat maliciously, knowing each word would wind and rile Gun's emotions. "She deserves better than a perverted gangster, you both know that.”

Gun stayed silent, the corners of his lips tugging down into a frown. Goo’s last words struck a chord in him, sending a pang through his heart upon hearing an insecurity he’ll never admit to. Of course. Everyone told you to stay away from a man like Gun. People kept telling you you will only get hurt in the end, that a better man will come along and sweep you off your feet if you just waited, or you could always do better than him. But you never listened. You stayed by his side, even when the whole world looked down on you two. Even for months, he tried convincing himself he felt nothing for you, but after a while, he finally accepted that someone managed to tear down his walls and enter his hollow, cold heart — you. 

You were just a different kind of girl - no- a different kind of woman. A special woman he had the pleasure of meeting. One he wouldn’t dare let go of now that he has the privilege of calling you ‘mine’. And by any god out there, he won’t be a stupid fool to lose you.

Gun sighed. “I tell you and you’ll put this stupid fight behind us, right?”

Goo placed a hand over his chest, replying shortly, “You have my word.~”

“[Name] is just that special person you meet once in your life. One you know you can’t let go of because there isn’t another like her. Simple as that.”

“What?! Ugh, don’t be boring! Tell me more!”

“You asked why I  stayed with her and I told you.”

“Yeah, but I expected a story, not some sad attempt at an old man’s wise words.”

A low guttural sound rumbled in Gun’s throat, his eye twitching. “Maybe when I’m in a better mood I’ll tell you, but if you’ll excuse me, I have a date with my woman.”

Goo groaned and tossed his pole to the side, rolling his eyes and grumbling, "Fiiine, but you owe me a story. "

"Whatever—damnit," Gun looked at the clock once again and his face contorted into one of pure irate. "I'm late."

'8:12 PM'

✦✦✦ ✦✦✦

Your head rested on your hand, balancing a glass of wine between your fingers, twirling the cup as the liquid swished around. Your eyes were looking down on the glory of Gangdong, the shimmering, blinding lights of the city mesmerizing you. The city always looked beautiful at this time of night. You just wished you could enjoy it with the person you cherished. A sigh leaves your lips and you look away, eyes trailing to the other tables over the balcony. 

The lingering eyes of many strange men didn't faze you anymore, the two burly boys surrounding your table always making them avert their gaze as fast as it landed. A courtesy of your boyfriend, who was at least thirteen minutes late, who insisted on you needing to be guarded at all times. You knew if he were here, no one would dare to even breathe in your direction, let alone glance. 

The cool air pricked your skin and a shiver passed through your body, reminding you of where you were. For a man as smart as him, Gun tended to neglect keeping the season in mind when planning your dates. Nonetheless, you were happy he went out of his way to take you out on such a busy schedule. 

You jumped in your seat, snapping out of your thoughts. A jacket was wrapped around your frame, warmth immediately enveloping you as the fabric made contact with your bare skin. You looked up and smiled. 

Gun stood behind you, towering over your sitting form as he made sure you were nice and covered. His coat basically swallowed you whole. A small stuffed animal was tucked under his arm, it’s fluffy fur peeking out. He walked over to take his seat, pulling the chair out, and wasting no time to slip in. He waved to the guards and they nodded, beginning to clear the scene of people.

“Sorry I’m late, [Name],” Gun started, taking the stuffie out from underneath his arm and presenting it to you. Oh, how adorable. "I brought you a gift as an apology."

A small brown otter sat in his palms, barely taking up Gun's hands. It’s beady, plastic eyes looked straight at you, a little smile stitched onto its snout. A snort left you. The sight of such a well-dressed, intimidating man carrying such an adorable toy was  amusing. "Really now? Just a cute toy, Gun?"

Gun sighed and sat up a bit from his chair, leaning over the table, and cupping your face as he planted a gentle kiss on your cheek. As quick as it started, Gun's lips left and he was seated once again. You pout. "Don't give me that look, [Name]. We can do more at home if you want but not here."

"It's not wrong to be disappointed in no kiss on the mouth after not seeing your boyfriend for such a long time. Don't you think I deserve it?"

Gun smirked, placing his shades on the table and taking your hand, intertwining your fingers together. He gave a light squeeze and you didn't miss a beat as you squeezed his coarse hand back. The way you pursed your lips and looked at him with such glossy, innocent eyes made his heart swell. With such a pretty, cute face, it was hard to say no to you. "Hmm, maybe. But Olly told me you crossed paths with Hostel A." Gun spoke, slipping his hands from yours and picking up his dinnerware, quickly cutting the savory meat into pieces. He didn't hesitate to put a piece up to your mouth, a hand underneath so as to not have the juice leak. "I was told you nearly broke the Uncles' bones and Big Daddy himself."

Your face scrunched up and you scoffed, shaking your head. You placed the stuffed animal to the side, petting it. "Figured those assholes wouldn’t tell you everything. The ‘uncles’ wouldn’t leave me alone and I thought Olly was another one of those bastards,” you snap, sitting back in your seat with a scowl. “How was I supposed to know he was trying to help when he dresses like that? I thought he was trying to assault me for God’s sake!”

Gun placed down his fork on his plate and his face twisted into one of fury, eyes turning cold and rigid as all the warmth disappeared whilst his lips curled back into a nasty frown. You almost thought his infamous scowl was directed towards you, but you knew better. You dear boyfriend wouldn't dare lay a single finger on you if it didn't bring you pleasure. "They what?" 

You smiled softly, placing your hand over his as it clenched into a fist. With your small attempt at trying to soothe him by rubbing small circles, you spoke with a bit of hesitation, "Ah, yeah. They kept trying to get my number and wouldn't let me leave the booth I was in. I had no other choice than to use the training you taught me. Since I never met Olly, I really thought he was just another one of them and I reacted before thinking, making me attack him too."

Gun scoffed, shaking his head as he listened to your explanation with disbelief, every word fueling his rage of someone daring to hit on his woman. Every fiber in Gun's body screamed, wanting to feel their skin underneath his fists as he pounded them into oblivion. But the only thing stopping him was his date with you. For now, he'll put his anger aside to be with you and keep you happy. Who knows how long he'll be gone and when he'll see you again. The man has to make every second count. 

Yet, he couldn’t let this go unpunished.

"Fuck." Gun leans closer to you and sits on the edge of his chair. Placing his hand over yours, he slips his fingers to grasp your palm, and lifts your hand to his lips, pressing tender kisses against your knuckles. His thumb grazing softly across your fingers and his eyes flutter shut. You couldn't help but stare in awe, never quite seeing him like this.

So careful with you, so gentle, you were surprised he wasn't seething in his seat and threatening to break their heads open. Gun opens his eyes and looks up at you, shaking in his seat. “I promise I’ll have those fuckers begging on their knees for your forgiveness. They should know better than to treat a woman with such rudeness and disrespect. Shit, I’ll go right now. I’ll beat them till-”

Your sweet laugh reaches his ears, cutting him off from his little speech. You lean in and pull in his hand to your lips, pressing a tender peck to his coarse knuckles. Gun felt his heart race and skip a beat at the sight, shock crossing his features. You look up, looking at your boyfriend with mirthful eyes. “As much fun as that sounds, I'd rather you stay here. Please? I want to spend as much time with you before you go back to work.”

The man stayed silent for a few seconds, taking in your words. He looked away, clicking his tongue before he broke out into a small smile, a blush blooming across his cheeks and the tip of his ears burning a bright red. “Of course, [Name]. Though, you could’ve just said you like spending time with me.”

Giggling, you lower your hands and shake your head. “Gun, of course I like spending time with you. You’re my favorite person and I love you after all.” Your voice said those three words with such fondness, it’s as if the man was in a dream. 

If your words from before didn’t send Gun over the edge, your proclamation of love surely did now. He looked down, grinning like an idiot, showing a soft, bashful side he’s never revealed to anyone before. He swore his heart would jump out of his throat from how fast it was pounding against his ribcage. Gun grasped your hand tightly and sighed blissfully, Gently, he spoke, gazing at you with loving eyes, “I love you too.”

You smiled.

The tension in the air grew to be too much and both of you found it unbearable, wanting to do what both of you have been waiting for for weeks.

Both of you sat up and leaned over the table, closing the gap between you two as your lips interlocked, slipping together like if you were made for eachother. The kiss sparked and fed the fire both of you held in your hearts, burning brighter with every moment you spent at one another’s side. Gun couldn’t help but smile against your mouth.

As much as he hated being apart from you for so long, moments like these made the long hours worth it. If working so much meant he could provide for you, then he wouldn't mind doing it for the rest of his life if you had a roof over your head and a nice, warm meal at night.

Afterall, you were his woman.

And he loved you.

✦✦✦✦✦✦

©𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚟𝚊 || 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚍 || 𝚗𝚘 𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚜𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜, 𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚜, 𝚌𝚘𝚙𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚎𝚝𝚌. 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚌𝚒𝚛𝚌𝚞𝚖𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜 .

✦✦✦✦✦✦

[sopxhiea]

Lush

Alfie Solomons X Reader

Summary: A month passes by: a month filled with her around his office, with her lingering touches and flirty looks and Alfie begins to realize that he has taken the devil herself out of her cage.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

“Bite your lip once more, I dare you.”

“Get in line, sweetheart.”

He had made his decision. And made it quick.

The room is quiet, nothing but the sound of cold wind seeping through the open windows. The inside of the apartment is scarcely decorated but there is flowers everywhere, some roses resting on the floor and some on the small table next to the lavish couch. The date and the occasion checks out while nothing moves inside.

It’s your place.

The you a month ago is a foolish girl, you realize. Someone who had hope for good things and perhaps miracles but not anymore. Although you think that maybe the way you had gotten a job and your own place had been a long-time wish granted. You don’t think much of it, just act and react to get through the days.

He’ll be here soon.

Without a cane in hand, you notice lately. He seems younger, acts like it too. He smiles more but you ignore the thought. He’s tough around the said bakery, shouts too much and is always angry but never with you. His eyes are softer, a little more merciful when you grace him with your presence, although it’s less often than he’d like.

The boarding school is in the other end of town, a bit too far to walk but his driver takes you sometimes. You find out his name is Ishmael, has a nice smile but he’s not a smooth flirt. You don’t comment on it, seeing as Alfie has done you a big favor and you find some sense in being good for a while.

But only for a while.

The game is still on, you’re sure it has never stopped, not when you and him are alone. You see it in his gaze, the hunger and the need to have you but you’re his employee now, someone under his wing and he’s not quite sure where that puts him. You know for a fact that he doesn’t give a single damn about employee and boss policy but it also has to do with the fact that you’re subdued around people since appearing out of thin air.

He doesn’t hate it.

Not exactly. He knows you have the upper hand behind closed doors, so much so that he’s ready to give you his life if you ask but around his employees, you act like there’s nothing between you and him. Little do you realize, the men don’t flirt too much and avert their gazes when you’re walking by and so you conclude that he has already spoken to them about not sparing a glance at you.

It doesn’t bother you as much anymore.

You still go to clubs but you don’t have to sneak out anymore, seeing as you have your own place. Men around are still hesitant, due to you being called ‘his girl’, although you’re sure that it’s the other way around since you’re the one who has him wrapped around your pinkie.

The horn outside is loud, so loud that it makes you want to scream but the neighbors don’t dare complain when they see the big black car with the scary boss in it. Far too scared to utter something as you get into the car and shoot him a smile.

The inside of the bakery is quiet, it’s a bit too early but you know he’s giving you day off tomorrow so you don’t complain. He settles in his office, sleeves rolled and the golden chain of his glasses reside around his neck. He smells all power and musk, some vanilla in his scent as Cyril walks around.

You still haven’t slept with him.

You came to close, too close last week when he had his hands under your skirt and was about to fuck you against the desk but gathered himself. You revel in the fact that it has been months and months of knowing you and yet, he still wants to be proper. You find yourself wanting him, just let him have you in the back alley of somewhere but you’ve perfected the art of covering up what you truly feel so he’s clueless.

Annabelle comes to visit every now and then, to see if you’re safe and checks your chest for bruises or possible hickeys but finds nothing other than small splinters on your hands. When she leaves, Alfie calls you over and carefully takes them out one by one, with a gentleness that seems foreign to him.

You clear your throat, wanting him to talk as you stand in his office, right in front of the door. You’re wearing a tight dress today and it makes him gulp when you take your coat off. His eyes don’t leave the paper for a solid minute, too afraid he’ll slip up and have you right there in his office in the early hours of the morning so he takes his sweet time composing himself and discarding his thoughts.

“Do you need anything?” you speak, a bit informal now that you see him on a daily basis. He’s still Mr. Solomons in front of the employees excluding Ollie, he’s Alfie in private.

Your Alfie.

You don’t grow attached, you repeat to yourself each night when you’re in the bath and the thoughts of his lips against yours find you. He’s a good kisser, you know that from first hand experience but it doesn’t surprise you anyway. He knows what he’s doing, as you find just how much he values your pleasure whenever he’s kissing you like there’s no tomorrow. 

But it takes him longer to pull himself together.

He’s getting more careless each time, greedier and certainly a lot more hungrier. His touches get deeper, his kisses turn into bites after a while and he’s panting, actually losing his breath, when he feels your naked skin against his each time you let him kiss your neck and collarbones.

You bite your lip while waiting for him to talk and at that same moment, he finds enough courage in his poor heart to look up to meet your eyes but the sight feels like a bullet wound and he falls short of breath, in the very early hours of the morning.

He’s fucked.

Ollie knows this, sometimes even mutters it under his breath and finds it far too amusing for his own good. The lad is not blind and he knows Alfie well enough to point out certain things.

Things like how his mood shifts in the best way possible when you’re around, or how he fights a smile each time you enter his office. It takes Ollie a while to realize these since he’d thought of Alfie as a lone soul but he realizes, soon enough, that Alfie no longer wants to keep that status.

Alfie gulps and realizes you’re not even biting your lips as a seductive act but it’s too late. You catch his gaze and immediately catch on, far too smart for your own good, Alfie thinks. You offer him a slow raise of your eyebrows and you lick your lips once more, although he’s too focused on the entire image of you.

He clears his throat and you bite your lip, too aware of the effect you have on him.

“Bite your lip once more, lass.. I fuckin’ dare you.” he speaks without measuring his own words but you don’t care. You’re used to the burly old man speaking to you this way.

A gentle smile graces your lips and he knows, he knows, you have already ruined him in many ways. He has been with his share of women but after you, he’ll be ruined for life. You’ve ruined the others for him, he thinks, there’ll not be another one for him.

You shake your head and speak in a gentler tone, far too gentle for him in this soft morning as he watches your lips move. “I asked you if you need anything from me. If not, I’ll go to my office, sir.” The words left your mouth as you emphasized the last part and watched his eyes darken.

Ollie knocked on the door once and didn’t wait for the answer to come in.

The tension hung in the air, thick enough to go through it with a blade but the lad was already in. He looked at Alfie’s sitting form and you before repeating the motion again. Opening his mouth, he knew his boss was about to give him a load.

“Alfie, there’s a man who wants to talk to you.” he said, no apology for intruding as this was how men did things, with no manners.

You held the stack of papers against your chest as Ollie spoke and licked your lips, looking at Alfie the whole time. His eyes didn’t leave yours while Ollie spoke, only when he was done speaking did he direct his eyes to the lad. You thought he was either going to shout or go off on the lad but he did neither. He just spoke with a calm yet annoyed voice.

“That why you fuckin’ barged in ‘ere, aye?” he spoke, voice gruff as he sat behind his desk. 

Ollie was used to this, far too used to the harsh talk coming from his boss so it didn’t faze him nor you.

“He says he wants to speak about the shipment to the East side. He has lads with him, Alfie.” Ollie spoke, all in one breath and it was easy to see the glints of fear in his features. He was good at hiding it but after being around him for some time, certain things became recognizable.

Alfie looked at you first and then the lad. It was far too amusing, knowing he was afraid of something happening to you. You knew how to defend yourself and use a gun, a good one at that but the big boss was still adamant on protecting his pretty little secretary.

Before he could speak, a shout came from the corridor. A loud one that made Alfie reach for his gun and one that made Ollie close the doors to Alfie’s office but it made you laugh.

“Alfie Solomons!” the shout echoed, loud and clear.

It was much more than a shout after that, so many more loud noises that filled the bakery. The rest was quick, the way Ollie grabbed your arm and tried to grad you to the back side only to be stopped by Alfie.

There was another shout after that, much more vile and vulgar and it only made you smile. Men were animals when they were angry. The shout echoed through the now empty corridors and you listened, eyes on Alfie the whole time.

“Fuck you!”

You chuckled, a bit too taken back by the clearness of the message and uttered something under your breath, something that was accidentally audible for the rest of the room as you spoke. “Get in line, sweetheart.”

Ollie ignored the glint in Alfie’s eyes as you said but his eyes never left yours anyway. He reveled in the fact, would repeat the words to himself for the next month or so but he needed to take care of the animal outside of his office now, even though he’d make sure to bring your point up.

You offered Alfie a small smile in the midst of all of it and he would get back to you on it, just needed to deal with something beforehand. Ollie took you to the back side of the said bakery where there were more guns and better safety and told you to stay out.

And seeing as you wanted to stay alive, you did just that.

---------

There’s no blood on his shirt this time.

He looks angry, stale almost as he walks through the empty corridors. Something is bothering him, something that managed to actually hit a nerve. You stayed in the small back room, shoulder against the door frame as he walked towards you. 

The nerve had hit you.

You straightened as he walked, not stopping even he was too close into your personal space. His steps only altered when his nose almost pressed against yours. Contrary to what it looked like from the outside, this wasn’t a sign of affection.

He was livid.

Breathing through his nose, Alfie looked down at you while his breath hit your face. Ollie was on guard, he knew Alfie wouldn’t hit you but he wasn’t sure of anything at that exact moment.

“Who the fuck is Henry, lass?” he asked, voice calm as opposed to his flaring nostrils. 

He watched you panic, lose your calm all in one second right before his eyes.

Henry was not a nice man.

You had played this game with Henry too, somewhere along the line when you were much younger. He was one of those men who became obsessed with one thing: having you. He had hurt you, the scar on your inner thigh would vouch for that and soon after, he’d been arrested due to your uncle’s complaints. He never listened, though. You knew he was bound to show up but this was the worst possible time.

“He was....he was here?” you spoke, voice breaking in the middle of the sentence which said everything that needed to be said. Alfie took a step away from you, no longer in your personal space while he looked at you.

This fucker was about to get a beating.

He needed to know who he was and why he had been screaming around his damn bakery first, so he spoke. “Yeah, he was. Fuckin’ shoutin’ your name and everythin’.”  he said, still cautious.

“I thought he was dead.” you spoke with a hesitant voice and did not meet his eyes.

Ollie watched the whole thing, fully knowing he would meet this lad to end his life soon.

“He fuckin’ will be.” Alfie spoke and your eyes met his at last. 

This was a bad idea.

The games were all fun and all but you didn’t want someone to die because of you. Henry was a good choice but the most you’d done was a kick in the crotch and knowing he would be on the other side of the soil very soon because of you didn’t sit right with you. And you didn’t want extra blood on Alfie’s hands because of you, knowing he had plenty of it.

Ollie was long gone so you felt yourself walk a step closer to Alfie with attempts to calm down.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” you spoke, hand reaching for his upper arm and residing there. The touch was natural at this point, just another reminder he had dangling right in front of his face.

“What did he do to ya’?” he asked, and started placing things together.

You knew how to stitch wounds back together and did exceptionally well in situations that had immense amounts of blood and panic so it only made him think that you had suffered those things yourself and your calmness came from experience. 

You shook your head, more than ready to dismiss the whole thing now that he had asked that question. Your voice shook in the slightest as you spoke.

“Nothing...not too much I mean just-” He placed his finger under your chin and tilted your head so you had to look directly at his face as he stared down at you and spoke with a firm voice.

“Tell me, lass.” he spoke, his embrace magnetic as you stood close to the man.

Your eyes flickered between his own, a gulp present on your throat as you looked at him. You wouldn’t tell him now and he understood that soon afterwards. It was something that needed to be talked about later on, not now.

“Alright.” he said, getting the hint after you looked at him with nothing but a soft plea in your eyes. His hands clasped against the air and he spoke once again, Ollie also appearing around the corner of your eye.

“Up you go then.” Alfie said, climbing the stairs to his office behind you.

------

His hands were on you, quick too as they caressed your back. They would surely end up on your ass, squeezing and lightly slapping soon but you took your time while kissing him so he would remember the feel when you’d leave. His shin was right under yours as you straddled him on his big chair, you were sure Ollie had tried to come in a few times but realized what was going on.

This was the first time you were kissing him in his office this way.

You had earned the workers’ trust first and made friends with them, then you moved on to the next step which was screwing their boss. You had remained perfectly proper until now but they had all known that this was coming the first time you’d walked in as his little guest.

You broke the kiss but his hands didn’t let go of you, only recoiled around your arms and waist even tighter than before. You chuckled at the action, the protective big boss reluctant to let go of a thing half his size. You looked at his eyes as you spoke, lipstick no longer on your lips but more around his.

“You can kill him.” you said, out of breath and it took him a minute to snap back.

“What?” he said, gathering himself a little but his hand was still holding you in place by your waist. Your finger caressed his cheek, finding a napkin to get some of the lipstick off of him.

“Henry, I mean.” you said, face impossibly close to his and he realized that he was often finding himself inches away from your lips.

And for good reason.

“Lass, I’ve been fuckin’ kissin’ you for the past half an hour and that’s what you’ve been thi-” he spoke but you cut him off, still trying to wipe off some of the make up on his face as your hands held his head in place.

“No. Only for the last minute or so.” you said and watched his laugh which only made you smile in return but you kept speaking, you had been thinking of the terrible lad and you wanted justice to have its way.

“I’m just saying that you might even gain something from killing the bastard.” you spoke, as a matter of factly.

Alfie was a businessman and he was good to make deals with, so that was what you were doing.

You knew Henry had been disturbing some of the girls from your old school lately, Annabelle had told you so and a smaller girl had confirmed it. You had Alfie wrapped around your finger and so far, it had been proving to be very useful. The job and your own place were the first fruits of the harvest but this was bigger, this would impact other people’s lives for the better.

He raised his eyebrows at you and spoke, voice gruff as you sat on top of him. “How’s that, pet?”

“Get rid of him and you can ask one thing from me.” you spoke, getting up from his lap since he was distracted enough for you to be able to do that.

This was an in, an in you were giving Alfie and you’d never done that before, not with anyone and certainly not a gangster. It was usually the other way around, men owed things to you but the situation was different and you had grown slightly used to being around this man, so might as well give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Anythin’?” he asked almost immediately and you smiled, fixing your skirt and opening a window even though it was cold.

“Anything.” you said, too soft for his poor heart and he smiled at your words.

Wheels turned in his head, a small smirk apparent on his plump lips as he watched you close the door to his office after walking out. He knew you’d be the death of him but at this point, he couldn’t find it in himself to care in the slightest. He enjoyed the old game of push and pull and screamed for Ollie the minute you were out the door.

He wouldn’t ask for sex, he knew that had its time.

He’d ask for something much better but first, he had to get rid of the poor bastard.

----- 

Tagging: @clairecrive  @parkbearum @sourirez  @vetseras @mollybegger-blog @babylooneytoonz @peakascum @fuseburner @r-rose08 @innerpaperexpertcloud @caffinated-tree @cathartichaoss  @ihavefandomsssss @thatchickwiththecamera @sugarcoated-lame @alainabooks143​ @enrapturedbythemoon​

a/n: I hope you like this one!! I think i’ll have a few more chapters out and see how things go but do let me know what you thought of it <3

[helplesslyinlovewithcharacters]

Lover - Alfie Solomons x Reader

Summary: One precisely placed word and some not so gentle persuasion from Tommy changes everything. (Modern au) (University au)

Pairing: Alfie Solomons x Female Reader

It was a joke. A mocking comment to make Tommy smirk and Alfie blush.

But he couldn’t stop thinking about it. The implications, the husk she breathed into her voice, the gentle warmth in her eyes.

The scruff he hadn’t committed to shaving hid the worst of the reddened skin. (Y/n)’s eyes lingered, a silent questioning, but flushed skin could be blamed on any number of things: the rum he’d been nursing for the last hour, the crowded pub, the turn of her lips at Tommy’s heavy deadpan.

“C’mon (y/n), there must be someone”

Tommy was insistent. Alfie wished he would drop it.

“Must there? I don’t like this line of questioning, Tommy, you’re digging for something”

He held up his hands in surrender, eyeing his drained pint. “Just the curiosity of a friend. Will you forgive the prying if I buy the next round?”

“Absolutely” (Y/n) slid her empty glass towards him, her eyes catching Alfie’s before he had chance to look away. “Besides, I told you, Alfie is my lover”

Tommy only laughed, already slipping through the crowd with three glasses balanced precariously in his hands. Not quite ready to face her again, Alfie kept his eyes on the other patrons of the pub, unsurprised by the size of the crowd given that it was a Saturday and they were nearing the end of term.

“He’s gonna be fucking ages. Look at that queue–“

“–You’re blushing again” Alfie scoffed, rough nails scratching the nape of his neck. The marred table surface lent itself to distraction, the interlacing rings of condensation drawing his eyes across the table. “Alfie”

“What?”

His voice remained soft, nails now pressing persistently into his palms. Perhaps the carpet was a more viable option, decorated in a ghastly pattern that attempted to conceal the stains inevitable in a student pub.

“Why are you blushing and why aren’t you looking at me?”

So bloody persistent.

“The carpet is very interesting, and I’ve had too much to drink”

Stupid reasoning but he needed to buy himself time, distract her enough to steer her away from the dangerous territory they were hurtling towards.

“That carpet is a health hazard and you’ve had one rum and coke”

“Maybe I’m a lightweight” A brief glance up was enough to send him gasping, her brow furrowed so sternly, prettily.

“I’ve personally witnessed you make your way through an entire liquor cabinet in the space of three hours. You are not a lightweight”

Involuntarily, he smiled, the memory too fond to prompt any other reaction. Carefully, he held her gaze, re-establishing some agency as the softness was forced from his voice.

“Just drop it, yeah”

Her eyes remained light, playful, as she furrowed her brow.

“Just answer the question”

“It was two questions” Alfie reached for a drink that was no longer there, desperate for the distraction. The peeling coaster bore the brunt of his agitation.

“Alfie”

“Leave it” There was no looking at her now. It would give the whole game away. God, he was fucked.

“Please”

Shit. A pry whispered so prettily it sounded like a plea. Alfie would give her his life if she asked for it. Perhaps he already had.

Fuck.

“You can’t call me that, alright.” The words crushed his ribs, threatened an already fragile heart. “You just can’t. It fucks with my head. And it's especially cruel for you, because you fucking know. You’ve always fucking known”

The chatter of the pub attempted to fill the void between them. Alfie had ripped clean through the coaster. He winced, slipping it under a pile of napkins.

“Alfie … I” His palms were clammy and irritated red with half-moons. And Tommy praised him for his nerves of steel. Bullshit. He could almost have laughed.

(Y/n) reached for his hand, eyes concerned. Too late, he tried to retract his hand from the table, but her fingers curled gently around his wrist and Alfie let her hold him in place as she inspected his palm, gentle pressure stretching out his fingers. She hissed through her teeth. Careful, cautious, her fingertips traced across the expanse of his palm.

Alfie shivered. So distracted by her touch, he almost missed her words.  

“I didn’t always know. Tommy hit me over the head with it last week. I was just … testing the waters”

“You were playing with me” Vulnerable, he attempted to snatch his hand back. Away from her warmth. “You’re still playing with me”

It was a weak plea, given that he didn’t try to move any further. Finally, (y/n) caught his gaze.

“Stop it. I’m not playing. I’m scared and I didn’t want to throw myself at you based on Tommy’s word alone. You of all people know what he’s like”

Tired eyes softened with a huff of laughter. It still wasn’t quite enough. Alfie needed more.

“Why now?”

Fingertips paused in their careful exploration. For the first time, he watched sorrow creep into her irises. Regret.  

“Well, before Michael I wanted to ask but–“

“Before Michael?”

Jesus.

“Yeah … you’re not the only one good at harbouring affection” (Y/n) laughed quietly, head shaking in disbelief. Regretfully, she settled back in the booth, slipping from his grasp. “But you never did anything” Alfie winced, eyes drifting closed as he exhaled heavily through worry worn lips. “And then Michael came along and suddenly a year had passed until … well, you know the story”

“He’s an arsehole”

“Precisely”

Their shared laughter eased something in his chest, her reassurances settling heavily, comfortably. Unwilling to let another year pass and another love replace his own, Alfie fought for the confidence he could perform for everyone except her.

“So … harbouring affection, yeah?”

Raising his eyebrows playfully, he allowed the first of many smiles. Gentle, loving, and completely enraptured.

“Oh, piss off” Her laughter was winded. Alfie longed for the rich sound he’d fallen for.

“Just testing the waters, lover”

There it was. Rich and uneven and enthralling.

“You twat”

She retreated into the confines of the booth, but there was an invitation, one Alfie gladly accepted as he leant on the table.

“What? I love it when you call me lover” He winked, delighted in her exasperated smile as she shook her head in a poor attempt to discourage him. “C’mon, humour me. What works for you? Love?”

“You already call me that”

“Yeah, well, harboured affection can only be concealed so much” Shy fingers twisted into his ruffled hair, nerves rising again. Alfie couldn’t stop the game, not now, not when she was looking at him like that. “Honey? Baby? Sweetheart?”

Warmth sparked in her eyes, burning deeper than before. Alfie gulped.

“Sweetheart and love”

“Oh, don’t get greedy now, sweetheart”

Maybe he let his voice simmer a little lower, cockney grow a little more accentuated. Maybe he liked the response it prompted, her teeth sinking into that bottom lip. Unbeaten and too stubborn to be bested, she levelled him with an even grin.

“Alright, lover, any other pet names?”

He should’ve waited longer to say it.

“Alfie”

(Y/n)’s brow puzzled, lips turning with a confused grin. “… that’s your name”

“Yeah, well, I like the way you say it. It's softer than the way Tommy and Ollie say it, innit” A huff of laughter was chocked with affection. Alfie felt his cheeks flush. “What?”

“Kiss me”

He spluttered; gaze suddenly lost in the bloody carpet again.

“What?”

“Kiss me, Solomons”

Pushing onto his elbows, Alfie easily cleared the distance of the narrow table. It was the last centimetre that proved the hardest. (Y/n)’s eyes fluttered shut, her warm breath sending a shudder down his spine. His hand cradled her jaw, thumb brushing her cheekbone. Jesus. Unable to rush himself, Alfie pressed a whisper of a kiss to her lips, wanting and desperate. Enough to prompt her to chase after him, fingers secure in his hair as she held him close, moved with him and stole the breath from his lungs.

[endless-whump]

Uninhabited Grief

Whumptober Masterlist

S/O Masterlist

---

It was dark, that morning.  Rain pattered softly against the roof of the small house Simon was staying in, helping out with a supply chain the safehouses were trying to start up.  Things were getting tighter, more dangerous, and they had several rescues in need of medication.  Simple things like first aid supplies, blankets, clothes, and even food were getting hard to acquire in the amounts they needed.

Simon sat alone in the kitchen, looking down at a ledger. It was enough to keep his mind occupied, numbers running smoothly through his mind with minimal effort. It was one of the only things he easily retained. It was boring work, if he’d admit it to himself, but it was better than staring at the ceiling in his room. It felt too empty, the spot beside him.

It helped to have work to do. Mia needed the help, anyways, and Simon insisted he wouldn’t be dead weight in getting them back on their feet. She was worried about him, he could tell, but refused to let her in. He was fine. He wasn’t the one who got a bullet through his side three months ago.

He should have been.

He pushed the thought aside, emotion swelling up dangerously in his chest at the flash of memory, blood smudged on glasses and ragged sobs, a body in his arms.

The silver rimmed pen tapped against the table, a sharp, isolated sound in the otherwise quiet room. He just needed to focus on something. Anything. Anything that wasn’t him.

He didn’t need any more reminders of his failures. He just needed to do what he was made for. Helping people.

There were footsteps behind him, a soft hand on his shoulder. He didn’t react, only paused the tapping motion against the table for a moment before resuming it. He didn’t really react, not anymore. Was there a reason to? Did he care if someone hurt him? He deserved it, anyways.

“We’ve got a rescue coming in, Amiyah is bringing them in.”  Mia said tiredly, moving to the pot of coffee Simon had already started brewing. She was in a robe, looking exhausted. Kendric had been screaming again last night.

He did that a lot now, after the raid. He’d been the only rescue who hadn’t gotten out, and whatever fucking handlers that had him made sure to make it count.

The only reason they got him back was because his barcode was gone, so they couldn’t prove he was in the system without a blood test. Whatever fucker owned him must not have thought it was worth the paperwork, so he was released on bail along with Marie.

Damage was already done, though. Everyone got the message, even when everyone was home safe.

Well, not everyone.

“Should be here in a few minutes, I’m letting Marie sleep a little longer.  Male, they think he might be underage. No serious injuries but..they said it’s bad. They’re saying he got pulled before they planned on..um..putting him down.”

Simon held back a shudder, setting the pen down. Put down.  Oliver had gotten put down, hadn’t he? He might as well have.  Shot down like an animal, like he was dangerous.

Bright laughter, soft black hair, freckles spanning across scarred skin. It was all in flashes he tried so hard to repress.  That was the Oliver that should have made it out of that house.  Happy, smart, recovering.  Safe.

He’d rather forget it all. He needed to focus.

“Can you go get some towels and a set of clothes?  It's pouring out and they said they didn’t have time to pack much.”

Simon nodded, chair pushing back on the hardwood floor as he stood.  He climbed the stairs, the carpeting soft underneath his bare feet as he reached the top.  There was a linen closet by the washer and dryer on the second floor, along with a box of extra clothes for the rescues.  It was odd, how Simon almost didn’t consider himself one of them.  He didn’t deserve the pity granted real rescues.  He was nothing but an accomplice to the system, even if he was somehow a victim to it.  He was no better than a handler, really.  Wasn’t that all he was to Oliver?

He was walking down the stairs, bundle of dry blankets and clothes in his arms when he heard the front door close, a flurry of voices collecting in the living room.  Simon frowned at their tone, pausing for a moment before hurrying forward.

“-didn’t even have time to get him shoes..” Someone murmured.  “Must be freezing, poor kid.  He got a name?”

“Yea, he’s got a name.  Just doesn’t remember it..we’ve got a mess on our hands, jesus- Amiyah, go get Simon and take him upstairs, he’s going to lose his shit- fuck, I don’t even know what I’m gonna say to him.”

Simon turned the corner, stepping into the living room and taking in the sight of the group of women, all crouched around the small, terrified boy with a blanket around his shoulders.  Wide, terrified brown eyes, wet black hair curtaining over his face.  He was dressed in what trainees usually wore, a grey oversized tee shirt and pants, barefoot.

He stopped in his tracks, heart seeming to stop in his chest at the all too familiar face.  

I found his eyes again

“...Oliver?”  Simon whispered hoarsely, eyes wide.  “O,Oh my god, oh my god, Ollie?”

The boy looked up, freckles barely visible on his pale skin under the dark light.  He tilted his head slightly, expression completely blank, a horror behind his eyes Simon dreaded.

“Simon don’t.”  Marie warned.  “You don’t understand-”

Simon was barely listening to her, barreling through the room and dropping down to his knees, reaching out shakily to pull his bonded into his arms.  He buried his face against Oliver’s shoulder, shaking, unable to control the sobs that tore through his chest painfully, stealing his breath.  This was him, he could feel warm skin and the traces of scarring along his neck, living and breathing and Oliver

The last thing he expected was for Oliver to scream

Oliver lurched back like he’d been burned by the touch, eyes wide terror and hatred.  He scrambled out of Simon’s hold, nails digging into his arms as he clawed away like his life depended on it.

Simon fell back, unbalanced, confused.  He wanted to reach out, to feel that touch he’d longed for what seemed like ages.  He could almost imagine it even now, the way Oliver used to run his fingers gently along his jaw and neck, the way he’d kiss the scar along his temple when he got the courage to.  He liked when Oliver got the courage to give freely, like that.

“P,Please get me away from, from him.”  Oliver’s voice broke as he backed away from Simon, trembling, eyes wide with terror.  Simon’s heart shattered.  “Please, please don’t let sir touch me.”

---

taglist

@insanitywishes @18-toe-beans @castielamigos-whump-side-blog@simplygrimly @cinnamonflavoredhugs @finder-of-rings @deluxewhump @ashintheairlikesnow @briars7 @albino-whumpee @thatsthewhump

[boundinshallows]

Peaky Rare Pair Bingo Mid-Fest Round-Up

We started the Peaky Blinders Rare Pair Bingo Challenge back in July and still have a few weeks left. However, I thought it would be a great time to do a mid-fest round-up to catch folks up on what’s been written so far. 

Rare Pairs are tricky things. They’re rare because they don’t get a lot of fanworks produced about them. And in turn, sometimes the authors don’t get a lot of love on their fics because the audiences are limited. It becomes a vicious cycle, and in the end, fandom suffers because there's an overrepresentation of just a few pairings, but many amazing characters to love and explore. 

I would like to invite you all to take a look at some truly incredible pieces of fic for some much undervalued pairings in Peaky Blinders. If you have a moment, please leave the authors a comment to keep fueling their creativity, even if it’s brief, especially if you like the ship. Kudos are wonderful too, but comments really help writers know there’s an audience out there looking for rare pair content. 

Cheers! 

++++++++++

 Chester Campbell / Tommy Shelby

Shameless by AbusiveLittleBun || [ E ] Tommy has his usual meeting with Campbell in a café but decides to spice it a bit up.

Tatiana Petrovna / Alfie Solomons

Solnishko by Valkrist || [ E ] There was something lovely about all the movements, about kneading the dough, while listening to some radio shows, shaking one’s hand and laughing about the people and music the whole time. As stupid as it could be, Alfie didn’t like to be interrupted during this process. There was only one exception, only one person that could call him or come in without having to deal with his grumpiness.

Vivid by Strawberriez8800 || [ E ] In which Alfie dreams about getting fucked by Tatiana, and asks Tommy a question.

Dazzle Me Blind by Strawberriez8800 || [ T ] Tatiana glances back at Alfie over her shoulder. “Have you ever been fucked by a princess?” “Can’t say I have, no.” “Good,” she says, voice like molten gold. “I like to be the first at everything I do.”

Singular by Strawberriez8800 || [ E ] Alfie tugs on Tatiana's silver chain, pulls her down towards him. “Something you should know, princess,” he says, mouth brushing against the shell of her ear, “I’m not in the habit of sharing, am I now.” She grins a feral grin. “Not even with Tommy Shelby?”

Barney Thompson / Tommy Shelby

Play Pretend by Valkrist || [ T ] It shouldn’t feel this way, should it? He shouldn’t be that afraid, feel more comfortable. Enjoy all the moments, blossom and feel all this happiness, but he didn’t. Why was he sad? Why didn’t he experience the same things others were talking about?

Peaches, Roses, Sandalwood by Valkrist || [ E ] There was something fascinating about all the oils, vials and equipment standing on the table. Small glasses, various colors, paste, scrapers, everything one could imagine. Different scents filled the room - and in the middle of it all there was one filled, slightly violet flacon.

Always Landing on Their Feet by Valkrist || [ G ] Tommy had always been torn between doing business properly and giving Charlie enough love and attention. Never really knew how to do it well enough, how to make his childhood fulfilled enough, but he had thought that it was okay, that he did his best giving Charlie good education and lovely father-son evenings. Had even dared to think that his boy didn’t have any secrets and behaved nice when he had to go to London for some days. Well, this was until he got one particular fateful e-mail.

Indulge a Desire by Valkrist || [ E ] There were many things that helped Barney forget about all his duties for a while, but the low lighting was the best one, after all.

Been Reading Books of Old, the Legends and the Myths by Valkrist || [M] Remember the last time we wrote each other letters? I don’t, but well, maybe it’s a good idea. Kinda funny to send all this words, knowing that you won’t read them immediately. But I won’t write them too often, still gotta pay for my living, you know.

Tu as tué la peur qui là dans mes bras by Valkrist || [ T ] Tommy chuckled. It was always funny to listen to Barney, even if he couldn’t understand how the latter managed to stay that calm. It seemed as if Ollie made nothing but mistakes, but Barney was patient, so terribly patient. Repeated the words again and again, encouraged Ollie to go on and not to send it all to hell.

Thoughts of You Consume by Valkrist || [ E ] Barney had already known what was about to come at the races. Going there hadn’t really been his preferable option for the day, but there was no harm in doing it - just being on Tommy’s side, looking at the majestic horses and seeing the other man’s lips curling into a smile when everything went the way it should. Barney didn’t understand much of this sort of business, but it was alright as long as Tommy knew what he was doing.

May Carleton / Tommy Shelby

When You Walk in Smelling Like Her Perfume by Valkrist || [ T ] May had never thought this necklace would mean so much to her one day. It hadn’t been much more than a lovely gesture back then, a little present, a joke. Something that looked lovely and united them. Even the telepathy coming with it didn’t seem intimate back then, being a lovely side effect. Oh, how easy it had been back then…

Between This Heartbeat and the Next by Strawberriez8800 || [ G ] Tommy is looking at her like he’s finally living their moments rather than stealing them. What a sight it makes.

Off the Beaten Path by Strawberriez8800 || [ G ] Thomas is waiting for someone; May is not so conceited as to assume it is her, yet when she takes the seat beside him and orders herself a drink, with the way he looks at her, it would be asinine to conclude the case is anything else. 

The One Who Got Away by Boundinshallows || [ M ] Tommy and May go on an overnight trip to purchase a horse.

James / Tommy Shelby

This was Nothing by AbusiveLittleBun || [ E ] Tommy is frustrated after another meeting with Alfie and he needs an outlet. Luckily it finds him first.

Salt and Mint by AbusiveLittleBun || [ E ] Tommy was forced to remain for dinner at Ada's, in fear of James revealing their little secret, and makes a deal with the boy for his good behavior... things escalate very quickly.

Like Thunder, Like Lightning by AbusiveLittleBun || [ E ] Tommy feels torn after his hasty departure from Ada's, and a surprising phone call might, or might not help him move forward...

R U Mine? by AbusiveLittleBun || [ E ] Tommy goes back to James, but it also comes with more consequences than he imagined... (Direct sequel to Like Thunder, Like Lightning!)

Jessie Eden / Ada Shelby

Dress by Keine_angst || [ G ] Now that she's made peace with her feelings towards Jessie Eden, there was only one obstacle left. The dress. 

Hungry for (Your) Love by Keine_angst || [ G ] “Tommy, sweetheart, how can you expect me to agree to do something for you if you don’t explain what do you need from me?” she pointed out the obvious, because really, it wouldn’t be safe to just say yes and take the pot luck, not when Thomas Shelby was in charge. Ada agrees to help her brother out, but things get out of hand.

Billy Grade / Finn Shelby

Beyond Redemption (Just a Pawn) by Valkrist || [ M ] Finn was angry, fucking angry. Should’ve probably known that it all would come this way. Done something against it. Then again, what could he have done? Tommy hadn’t told him that much, trying to keep him away from this bad kind of business. Football bets were alright, but nothing more. Didn’t need to ship cocaine or opium or whatever this was about. Bets like in the good old times, having Billy to write everything down.

Gina Gray / Oswald Mosley

White Swan by Valkrist || [ M ] It was funny how they all hadn’t noticed it at all, Mosley thought. Such blind people. Didn’t see it, maybe simply didn’t want to, who was to say that. He hadn’t been truly interested in joining this dance - an evening with a bunch of fucking Gypsies wasn’t exactly his idea of a well spent time - but apparently there were some good things about occasions of that kind. Well, as long as he ignored the opium, cocaine and brandy. Really didn’t seem to know the rules, this silly people.

Lizzie Stark / Tommy Shelby

Again by Emjen_Enla || [ T ] Tommy rolled over. Again. Or Tommy and Lizzie mostly fail at this sharing a bed thing.

Bonnie Gold / Goliath

Raise the Boxing Gloves by Valkrist || [ M ] Poor boy didn’t know what dreamless nights were anymore. Always had something to think about, adventures happening, a combination of all the things he had experienced. Sometimes bad, sometimes good, sometimes it was simply unclear. But Goliath could beat it all out of him if he wasn’t careful enough. Made him forget with ease, his senses focussing on some little, often rather unimportant details. An impressive and talented young man.

Ollie / Alfie Solomons

Our Bones May Turn to Stone but Hearts like Ours Don’t Rust by Valkrist || [ T ] The dunes, the water, the sand, it was all calming. Ollie simply couldn’t get used to it after having spend so much time in London, knowing all the dirt of Camden. Muddy shoes, blood, he had seen it all, even though it was way better than Birmingham, if Alfie was to be believed.

Luca Changretta / Tommy Shelby

Now and Forever by AbusiveLittleBun || [ E ] Luca is enchanted with the beautiful blue-eyed boy that attends the school he helps his mother at, little does he know Tommy Shelby feels the same way towards him...

Boysenberry Tie, with Periwinkle Eyes by WTSL_Writer_of_Things || [ G ] The bow was strange and new, the colour hard to come by and find. It wasn't often people managed to dye a bow that colour, so he snatched it up and bright it home to his blue eyes doll. Years go by and he finds that colour again, this time as a tie, and he gets the tie for his new Periwinkle eyed lover, who he practically drops to the floor for. So he gets a boysenberry tie, for the Periwinkle eyes of his strange lover.

Oswald Mosley / Tommy Shelby

Coat Wrapped Around His Shoulders by Valkrist || [ M ] It was a miracle, a fucking miracle.Tommy still didn’t know how Barney had stayed alive, but he had. Could have shot Mosley marvelously if it weren’t for this horrible interruption. A life for a life, except both people had stayed alive this time. And this was the other side of the coin. Mosley was still alive. A wonderful plan, all for nothing. So much effort put into it, all for nothing. But at least they hadn’t caught them, so Tommy could still keep his cover. Could enter the hospital without people suspecting him, ready to figure it all out.

[ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes]

Blue Eyes Part 7

Summary: After the Garrison is shot up, the youngest Shelby daughter finds a new home in London. She strips herself of her last name and tries to live a peaceful life far away from her brothers’ chaos in Birmingham. But fate leads her right back into it after she runs into Alfie Solomons.

Part 7: Tommy’s heart is ripped out. 

          The call came late at night. Ella thought she was still dreaming when she heard the words.

           “Grace is dead.”

           Her sister sounded just as stunned.

           Funeral arrangements would be made in due time. She’d be notified when the time came.

           Italians. A war was starting.

           Ella looked out the open window of her bedroom. She hung up the phone on her sister and in a daze, went to close it. They weren’t safe anymore. Hell, if they had ever known what it meant to feel safe. Ella wondered if she, or any of her siblings, had truly been at peace before.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Sunday morning, Ella arrived in Warwickshire. Tommy didn’t even acknowledge her. But she knew it wasn’t because of how tense things were between them. It was shock. It was as if he wasn’t registering the world around him. His piercing eyes looked right through people as if they were ghosts.

           He held Charlie through the entirety of the funeral. The boy cried but Tommy merely blankly stared ahead, tormented by silent demons.

           Ella had lost before, they all had. But Tommy had suffered significantly. She remembered clearly when her brother lost Greta. He was still the Traveler boy with light in his eyes. He never left her bedside those last few days. When it happened, Ella wasn’t sure if her brother would ever be the same again. He clung to Polly, crying like Ella had never seen him cry before. Then he returned from the war. He stood behind as Arthur and John hugged her, Ada, and Polly. She saw his eyes on that train platform. The light had been snuffed out. From that point on, he would never again be the person she once knew. God never stopped taking from him. Carving out more and more of him, leaving behind all the emotions that drove the gangster.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

           Ella followed him out of the church. The same church where he’d married Grace. It felt like yesterday that had happened. Now Tommy was storming off. He handed Charlie to Ada as he passed her. The toddler wailed and grabbed at the air for his father but he didn’t look back.

           “Tommy!” Ella called.

           “Leave him.” Her aunt said quietly and touched her shoulder. “He’s not right in the head, he needs some time.”

           She didn’t listen and kept following him all the way to the stables. “I know you can hear me.” She continued talking to his back. “Stop and talk to me.”

           Her brother didn’t stop. Neither did she.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           At the stables, a groom was waiting with Tommy’s favorite horse already tacked up. He’d apparently planned his escape after the funeral. Tommy snatched the reins and mounted the horse in a fluid motion.

           “Tom!” Ella watched him spur the horse off towards the pastures. She huffed and turned to the groom. “Get that gray ready for me.” She demanded.

           The young man nodded, a little too familiar with Shelby moodiness.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           Tommy had a head start on Ella, but she figured it wouldn’t be too hard to find him in the open fields. He wouldn’t travel too far from Arrow House, not without Charlie.

           Eventually, she followed a billow of smoke that had begun to climb up to the gray clouds. She found her brother sat beside the fire, his knees pulled to his chest like a child pouting. “Go away.” He muttered. Although he wasn’t surprised she hadn’t let up and continued to follow him. She was never one to take 'no' as an answer.

           Ella dismounted and allowed the horse to graze. “You obviously don’t know me very well if you think I’m going to leave you here to sulk alone.”

           “Thought you hated me.” He poked at the fire with a stick, causing it to crackle and spew out sparks.

           “I could never hate you, pral, I’m just…” She sighed and sat next to her brother. “I think we’ve gotten too caught up in life. We’ve let our emotions rule us.”

           Tommy didn’t move an inch. “Maybe.”

           Ella stretched out her legs and reached down to take off her shoes and stockings. She reached in her pocket and pulled out a flask filled to the cap with gin. Perfect remedy for sadness. After taking a long sip, she handed it to her brother almost as a peace offering.

           Tommy never passed up the opportunity to drink, especially in the state he was in. The siblings passed the flask back and forth a few times. Neither one spoke for quite some time. The simply kept the foggy afternoon at bay with the warm fire.

           Ella couldn’t help but miss the memories she had with Tommy, just the two of them. The time he’d taught her how to fish, how to set a rabbit trap, how to gallop on a horse, and how to clean a gun without shooting yourself between the eyes. Although the information was valuable, she recalled how patient he was with her, even as a loud, wild girl who became disgruntled after failing the first time. She treasured the quiet moments they had together. The silence they held as they sat in the forest, listening for any sounds of animals. The peace between them while walking their horses through empty fields.

           She sighed and lay back in the long, damp grass. The gin enveloping her in a false sense of calm.

           “Do you remember when mum died?” Tommy held the flask, his fingers tapping dully against the metal surface.

           She turned her head, her cheek kissed by the dewy grass. “No, not really. I think I remember Polly telling me but I dunno. Can’t even remember what she looked like.”

           Tommy pursed his lips for a second before screwing the cap back on the flash and placing it to the side. He slipped off his cap and sighed. “Arthur told me. Sat me down to tell me she wasn’t gonna wake up. You, Ada, and Finn were so little. Even John was too young to understand. Dad wasn’t going to take care of us so Arthur and I made a pact. We said, no matter what, we’d take care of everyone. We’d make sure this world wouldn’t hurt you the way it hurt us.” He shook his head and lifted his eyes to watch the smoke curl up into the air. His blue eyes were full of tears but he didn’t let one spill. “What a shit job we’ve done, aye?”

           Ella couldn’t help but laugh despite the sadness in her brother’s eyes. How silly it was that her brothers thought they could take on the entire world. Hold all their siblings up like Atlas holding the Earth. No wonder they were so protective and stressed all the time. “You think it’s easy taking care of four gypsy kids? I think you and Arthur’ve done the best you can. None of us are dead, s’pose that’s something. We ain’t homeless either.”

           “Life isn’t about just staying alive. It’s about finding happiness.” He shut his eyes, letting the dull sunlight graze over his face. “I was happy with Grace. Thought I could make it last.” His jaw clenched. “You were right, El, I’m the curse.”

           She chewed the inside of her cheek and propped herself up on her elbows. “That’s not true.” She scolded herself for saying something so daft even in the heat of the moment. “You’re the one who’s kept us together all these years.”

           “El, I interrupted what made you happy.” Her brother opened his eyes and looked down at her. “Polly and Ada told me but I was too upset to see it. Alfie made you happy. Maybe I’ll never understand why or how but he does. Weren’t right for me to intrude.”

           Ella’s heart seized up and she wanted to cry. “S’alright, Tom.” She sat up and rested a hand on his shoulder. “Doesn’t matter anyway. I think I’ve burned that fucking bridge beyond repair.”

           “That’s what I thought when Grace left for America. But things have their ways of working out.”

           “I wouldn’t count on it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

           “Oi, am I gonna hafta start taking fingers or are you lot going to get the lead outta your shoes and get to work?” Alfie shouted as he stormed through the bakery. The man’s threats were starting to become routine, almost like clockwork. But they weren’t empty threats, much to the dismay of his workers. Plenty of men had faced his wrath even for the littlest things.

           Ollie was almost sure the activity would die down but he was starting to think there was no end. Despite being his assistant for so many years, that didn’t give him any sort of job security. Alfie was so hurt it drove him to be irrational. A man who handled heartbreak with anger was never one to be tempted.

           So, the younger man treaded cautiously and chose his words with care.

           “Sir, Tommy Shelby sent a telegram,” Ollie informed his boss. Any mention of the name Shelby was almost guaranteed to cause a violent reaction. One poor lad had mistakenly mentioned something about the Shelby’s horse at the derby. Alfie hit him so hard with his cane; it was as if he were trying to send him back to 1920.

           Alfie grunted with displeasure and waved his assistant into his office. “Yeah? He did, did he? Trying to threaten me more?”

           “No, sir, something about business with Russians and a robbery.” Ollie frowned as he double-checked the block letters on the slip of paper. Such a scenario sounded so convoluted but leave it to the Peaky Blinders to get involved with international heists. “He said he wants to speak to you over the phone or in person to discuss details.”

           “Really?” He scoffed. “That man puts a gun to me fucking head and suddenly wants me to help him?”

           Ollie shrugged. “I’m not sure, sir.” He set the telegram down in front of his boss to read himself. He couldn't answer any questions about the behavior of the Peaky Blinders.

           Alfie put on his glasses and scanned over the words. He snorted and shook his head. “Those fucking animals. Fine, he wants to meet, so be it. Question is, should he trust me?” He looked up at his assistant as if looking for an answer.

           “Sir?”

           “Obviously not, Ollie, fucking hell, lad.” He snapped. “Those fucking gypsies made a mistake by lying to me. They want to trust me now, that’s their own fault. Don’t be daft.”

           “What are you going to do then?” Ollie wasn’t sure double-crossing the Blinders was prudent. Alfie had done so before and it never worked out. But the man was hurt enough to be chomping at the bit for revenge.

           “Can’t let them get the entire cut from the robbery, then can we?” Alfie tossed the telegram to the side and leaned back in his desk chair. “I’ve got some people who would be interested to know their plan. We can make easy money off of this.” He removed his glasses. At that moment, he wasn’t thinking about Ella. He was hell-bent on making her brothers, specifically Tommy, pay for threatening him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

           “Look at the size of that fucker.” Ella whistled low as they approached the stag. The poor beast had fallen over, its big eyes glazing over with its last breath.

           Arthur chuckled. “Ain’t half the size of the last one we hunted, eh, John boy?”

           “That thing was fucking huge. Practically the size of a draft horse.” John agreed with a cigar dangling out of his mouth.

           Ella rolled her eyes at her brother’s boasting. “Then you won’t have any problem hauling this thing back to camp, then.” She replied. “Won’t need my help at all.”

           Tommy chuckled. It had been such a long time since anyone had heard him laugh. But he was in considerably better spirits after consulting with Bethany Boswell and getting rid of the sapphire necklace he’d given Grace. He was starting to heal. Unfortunately, that meant he was back to his plan involving the Russians.

           After getting back to camp, it had started to drizzle. Ella wrapped herself up in a blanket as she watched with morbid curiosity while her brothers cut the stag. She chatted idly with Curly, Isaiah, and her Uncle Charlie by the horses. It was a good day, despite the gloomy weather. Ella enjoyed being out with her brothers in the forest doing something they all liked. Being far from London helped her forget about Alfie.

           “El.” Tommy waved her over to the fire. “C’mon, having a chat.”

           She excused herself and went to sit by Arthur. Her older brother smiled and wrapped an arm around her, squeezing her affectionately.

           Tommy cleared his throat and pulled a letter out of the inside of his thick, black coat. “This letter, says dad’s dead.” He announced.

           Ella frowned and reached for the letter. “How?” She opened the creased paper and Arthur read over her shoulder.

           “He was in Boston, at some bar called the Mickey Free. Two men waiting in an alley, shot twice.” Tommy explained matter-of-factly.

           “Who’s Rosie Rice? Some fucking whore?” Arthur muttered in a clipped tone. News of his father never failed to put him in a sour mood.

           “She’s the woman that took the time to write to us.”

           Ella wasn’t sure whether to be upset or not. She hardly knew her father at all. Just one brief memory of Arthur holding her as their father screamed. His voice like thunder, rattling the entire house. She had no clue what he was saying, but it was followed up with a loud smack and the sound of Tommy yelping in pain. It was a foggy memory but always made Ella sick to her stomach.

           “She wanted us to know that while he was dying, he asked for our forgiveness. The only thing he taught us was how to kill and cut a stag.” Tommy continued to summarize the note. “Finn, John, Ella, you won’t remember.”

           “I remember,” John looked hurt but kept up a strong act. “Cannock Chase. He got drunk and sang Silver Dagger ‘bout a hundred times.”

           “One weekend,” Arthur grumbled and took the letter out of Ella’s hands, folding it back up and passing it to Tommy. He didn't want to read any more of it. “One weekend he was like that.”

           “The stag is to remember him.” He nodded. “We eat and we forget, no need to forgive.”

           Ella looked down at her hands and trembled from the chill in the air. What a fitting farewell. Another person in the family gone for good. She looked around the fire and for a second, wondered who was next.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           When Tommy began talking about the robbery, Ella lagged behind. She passed from horse to horse, idly patting them and sneaking them bits of an apple she’d packed. But it was nearly impossible to tune out the conversation completely. Call it Shelby curiosity but she wanted to hear.

           “The rest we take to America to invest in legally acquired property,” Tommy spoke about the direction of the Shelby Company. It was hopeful to hear he wanted to keep his promise to Grace and Linda. But Ella wasn’t sure whether it would ever be possible. Grudges weren’t easy to erase and the Peaky Blinders had made more than enough enemies.

           The men returned to the fire to eat after confirming plans. Tommy kept Ella behind for a moment. “Need you to do something.” He said quietly and handed her a sealed envelope.

           Ella didn’t take it right away. “What is that?” She asked suspiciously. Although she listened in on the plans, she wasn't keen to get involved in any of it. Her brothers could play their dangerous games, but she wouldn't. She liked to think she was smarter than that, or at least more conscious of the repercussions if things were to go wrong.

           “A letter for Alfie Solomons.”

           Her nose wrinkled. “Fuck off.” She pushed him away, refusing to even go near the note as if it were an open flame. “That’s what you brought me out here for?”

      ��    “Pena, listen.” He insisted in a low voice and rested a firm hand on her shoulder to keep her from running off. “Listen to me, I wouldn't be asking if I could go to someone else. You’ll be safe, I promise.”

           “That’s not what I’m worried about, Thomas.” She snarled. “I think I can take care of myself. But I’m not going to speak to him after everything I’ve done. Doubt he would even agree to see me.”  

           “I need you to do this.” He repeated and pushed the letter towards her again. “We need his help for this job and you’re the only person he wouldn’t harm.”

           She scoffed. Whether or not that was the real reason didn't matter to her. “And what the hell do you base that on? You were the one saying he'd try to kill me if I stayed in London” She reminded him with a glare.

           Tommy sighed and nodded. “I just know he wouldn't. You’ll get a cut of the money. I promise.”

           Ella snatched the envelope from him and stuffed it into her skirt pocket. It was a snap decision and she got a sinking feeling in her stomach the second that letter touched her fingers. She had no clear reason for agreeing. Maybe she wanted to prove she was over Alfie even if she wasn't. Maybe she wanted to prove to Alfie that he hadn't crushed her to bits when he abandoned her. Maybe she wanted to ask for forgiveness. No matter the reason, it was too late to turn back after she took the letter. “You’re foolish to think you’ll ever quit, Tommy.” She told him. “You like doing this too much to turn it into a legitimate company.”

           “I promised Grace.” The gangster didn’t disagree with her. Maybe because he knew she was right but had to keep his vow to his late wife. He reached into his coat again. “Bring this with you.” He held out a brand new pistol covered by a handkerchief to hide it from view.

           “No thanks, I’ve got my own that I prefer.” If Alfie Solomons wanted to think of her as just another Shelby, then that’s what she would be. Maybe she was stupid to think she could ever turn away from the family business. Some things you could never truly escape.

~~~~~~~~~~~

           Pistol holstered at her thigh, letter in hand and heart covered with armor, Ella walked through Camden Town. She kept her chin high. London knew she was a Shelby now. There was no escaping that. Even her friends knew now and were treating her differently. Alone and behind closed doors, she could be hurt about it. But in public, she had to embrace her old identity. The London life she once had would never be returned to her.

           Ella arrived at the bakery and pushed through the heavy double doors. Immediately, Ollie stopped her. “S’cuse me…”

           “I’ve got a letter from Tommy Shelby.” She interrupted the man before he could even attempt to stop her. “To be hand-delivered to Alfie Solomons.”

           Ollie was thrown off by her clipped manner. Before Alfie found out the truth, he’d mentioned Ella a few times. Said she was the nicest woman he’d met, with kind blue eyes and a smile that lit up the room. Instead, Ollie was met with icy eyes and a look that eerily mimicked Tommy’s silent neutrality. It was any wonder how Alfie didn’t recognize her as a Shelby. But love was blind.

           “Right…I need to pat you down though.”

           She cocked an eyebrow. “You’d frisk a lady then?” There was no way she was giving up her pistol. She usually didn’t like using her gender as an excuse to be treated differently, but sometimes it came in handy.

           Ollie’s mouth opened but was gratefully interrupted by his boss. Alfie’s heavy boots shuffling towards the door.

           “S’alright Ollie...” Tommy had called Alfie saying he was sending someone to deliver a message. But the Blinder didn’t mention who it was.

           Now Alfie was stopped in his tracks, unhappy to see it was the Shelbys' sister. The two stared at each other for a moment. Neither sure what to do for a long moment.

           Finally, Alfie broke the tension. “Well, come in then.” He said curtly and waved her down the hall into his office. “Don’t waste me time.”

           Ella gritted her teeth, ready to face whatever hell Alfie was about to put her through. She fully expected it seeing as she’d scorned him. She passed by him and walked into the office.

           He shut the door and went to sit down at his desk. “Have a seat,” He held a hand out to the chairs across from him.

           “I’m not here for a chat, I’m just here to give you this.” She remained standing and held out the envelope to him.

           “Right, suit yourself, just trying to be polite.” He muttered and leaned forward to take the letter from her hand. “That all then?”

           Ella froze and pursed her lips. It felt as if her entire body was in excruciating pain but she refused to let it show. Her chest tightened, squeezing the air out of her lungs and constricting her heart. Her stomach knotted up and seized with every second that passed by. Her legs were weak, her mouth dry, her throat cramped, her head nothing but a flustered mess of overwhelming thoughts and emotions. It felt like she was trying to keep in a large ball of emotions, holding it in so it wouldn’t explode and lay waste to the world around her. But it was simply too much to handle.

           “How was it so easy?” She blurted out.

           Alfie raised an eyebrow, turning the envelope over and over in between his fingers. “What you on about?”

           “How could you just…just walk away and pretend like you didn’t feel anything?” She demanded. Now that she had begun to speak she couldn’t stop. Aunt Pol said it was something in the Shelby genes. You couldn’t stop a Shelby once they started on something.

           Alfie should’ve expected for an argument the second he saw who came into the bakery. It was only a matter of time. “You think I wanted this to happen?” He snapped. Gearing up for battle, ready to cover up his heart and come out with guns blazing. Men with emotions didn’t fare well in battle. He learned in the war that it was far easier to stuff down all emotions. Nothing to distract you while you were storming No-Man’s land. And this was a battle, anything with a Shelby was. “You think it were fucking easy to find out that Tommy was your brother?”

           Ella kept her stance. Arms crossed over her chest and chin held high. She learned a few things from her brothers about war. Polly framed a picture of the three Shelby boys, clad in their British military uniform. Such a strange contrast to the wild boys Ella knew her brothers as. She’d asked her aunt why they didn’t look scared. Surely, war must’ve terrified them. Polly merely replied, ‘They can’t be scared if they want to stay alive’.

           Never let your opponent see your true emotions. She really tried, but she didn’t want to see Alfie as her enemy. “I don’t understand. My family doesn’t change who I am. And I’m the woman you said you cared about. Then you just act like I’ve dropped off the face of the planet.” She argued, doing everything she could to stay firm. “My family shouldn’t change the way you feel about me.”

           “What changed my view of you was how you lied to me.” Alfie stood up, allowing the letter to drop to his desk. He pointed at her with narrow eyes. “You chose not to tell me and chose to let me find out by your brother pointing a fucking gun to me head!”

           “I didn’t tell you because I loved you too much!” She shouted.

           The word hit the gangster like a brick to the face. He stood as stiff as a board, staring at her, finally at a loss for words. They had now entered dangerous territory. A true war of emotions and no one could escape unscathed.

           Tears filled Ella’s eyes but she refused to look away from him. “Yeah, surprised? Did you think that Shelbys couldn’t fall in love? We’re too fucking evil to ever care for someone other than ourselves? Well, you’re wrong. Because I didn’t know what love was until I met you.” She told herself so many times that she didn’t want to cry in front of Alfie. Never wanted to give him the idea that he had finally gotten to her. But it was too difficult to hold the tears back. “Yes, I lied to you. I didn’t tell you about my family. I’m sorry. Alfie, I’m sorry that I chose not to tell you. But I just wanted to be with you, I didn’t want to involve my family or-or have this blow up into the mess it has. I just wanted to be with you.” A tear slipped down her cheek and she dropped her head. Defeated by her own silly feelings. She was just another daft girl who’d been stupid about love. “And you just turned away from me like I never mattered one bit.”

           Alfie walked around his desk and stepped in front of her. He sighed heavily and rested a hand on her cheek; his thumb caught the tears and swept them away. He tilted her chin up to look at him. “Lost so much fucking sleep over those blue eyes.” He admitted. The anger in his voice faded away. The grudge he’d been holding fell to the floor between them. Seeing her in such a state was too much to handle. He hadn’t wanted to understand her reason for lying. He wanted to plug his ears and continue telling her she was a liar. But she seemed so genuine, so hurt by everything, and remorseful. She wasn’t his enemy. “Just wish you’d told me.”

           “Then you never would’ve even looked at me again.” She replied. “I didn’t want you to see me as just a Shelby.”

           “That’s…that’s not how I see you, love.” He kept his hand on her cheek, afraid that if he let go she would disappear. “But this won’t work out. Your brother would fucking cut me into pieces and chuck me in the cut, wouldn’t he? He and I don’t play nice.”

           “He doesn’t have to know.” Ella was just desperate to hang on to the shred of chance she had left with him.

           Alfie sighed. “That’s what got you into trouble last time, love.” He reminded her. “He’d figure out anyways, gypsy senses.”

           She laughed quietly but it faded quickly. “Maybe he wouldn’t care anymore.” She curled her fingers around his shirt and pressed her forehead into his chest. “After Grace died he apologized for what he did. Said he just wants me to be happy.”

           It was too tempting to withdraw from her. Alfie hadn’t realized how starving he was for the attention she’d given him. He slipped one hand around to rest on her back and one settled in her curls. His fingers weaving in between her dark hair. “Then the next day he’ll decide I’m a son of a bitch, right, for even going near you.”

           “I don’t care.” Ella closed her eyes and picked up on his heartbeat. “Please, Alfie.”

           She was testing his resolve. But he was already walking a fine line with the Blinders. Tommy was planning something big and wanted Alfie to have a part in it. It was most certainly a test. Could they trust him after everything that happened with Ella?

           “Your brother’s enlisting my help.”

           She nodded. “Russians.” Her head lifted to look at him.

           “So I’ve heard.” He sighed and suddenly felt exhausted. “He gonna use me as Jewish bait or something?”

           “It’s jewelry,” Ella said. “They’re guaranteeing him a reward. He needs you to appraise it all.”

           Alfie raised an eyebrow. “That’s all? Seems a little too clean-cut for you lot.”

           “Well…” She tilted her head to the side and glanced at the letter on his desk. She didn’t know what was in it but she assumed it laid out the plan so Alfie knew. “They’re going to rob it once he knows what’s inside and what the security’s like.”

           “Fucking hell.” Alfie chuckled. “I thought they were just going to flat out rob the joint but they’re getting all cozy with them?”

           Ella just shrugged. “I think he wants to trust you.” She said quietly and idly wrapped a finger around the gold necklace he was wearing, retrieving the Star of David charm from under his shirt.

           Alfie watched her smooth her thumb over the gold surface. “Do you think he should?” He pressed his tongue into his cheek and thought about how many men would be willing to pay a decent fee for rare Russian jewelry. Men who wouldn’t care if it’d been stolen.

           She nodded. “I trust you. And I hope that you’ll be able to trust me in time.”

           Guilt sank deep in Alfie’s gut. “El…” He caught another tear that slipped down her cheek. He didn’t know what to say anymore. Rarely was he caught empty-handed in a conversation.

           “I know it doesn’t seem like it could work ‘tween us, I know.” She chewed on her lip and looked up at him with those eyes that made his knees weak. “But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I-I just don’t feel complete anymore. You changed me.”

           Alfie couldn’t even begin to explain the change she’d caused in him. “Love, you need to realize, right, that I ain’t the man you want to be with for the rest of your life. I’m the bad guy.” He forced a smile and tried to play it off like he didn’t care that he was the bad guy. But it didn’t work. He wanted to be better for her. It just didn’t seem feasible.

           “Alfie Solomons, you’re speaking to a Shelby.” She reminded him. “I come from a long line of bad guys.” A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Far longer than yours, I’m sure. We’re not god-fearing.”

           He snorted and tilted his head back a bit. “Fucking hell, you’re going to send me to an early grave.” The devious look on her face made his stomach flip-flop. He was fucked.

           “Think about it, please.” Ella guided her eyes back to her. “I’ll ask Tommy, I’m sure he’ll be more understanding this time around.”

           It was an enticing enough offer for him to nod in agreement. “But you’ll warn me if he’s out for blood? Like to be notified if he wants to rip me head off.”

           “I’ll make sure you’re the first to know.” She left a small kiss on his cheek. The piece of her that felt empty was starting to fill back up again.

~~~~~~~~~~

           Upon Tommy’s request, Ella returned to her flat in London after delivering the note to Alfie. She had a little skip in her step as she walked down her street. The first thing she did was call Tommy but received no reply. Figuring he was busy, she planned to call back later.

           But when night started to fall, Ella’s phone rang and she was met with a panicked Ada on the other end.

           “You need to come over here now.” Her older sister demanded before Ella could even get a word in.

           “What? What’s wrong?”

           “Just come over!” She shouted and hung up the phone.

           Startled, Ella quickly gathered her coat and ran down the street to Ada’s. The front door was left slightly ajar so she pushed her way in. She was met with a sight that sent her into the same panic Ada projected over the phone.

           Tommy was slumped down on the stairs, covered in sweat, and slurring his words.

           “Stay with him, I need to get an ambulance,” Ada shouted when she saw her sister come in.

           “What’s going on? Tommy, what happened?” Ella ran over to the stairs. She knelt down and took off her brother’s cap.

           “Just need a hospital.” He mumbled. “Me fucking head hurts.”

           “What happened?” She urged again. “Who did this to you?” Tommy closed his eyes and didn’t answer. “Tommy!” She grabbed his hand. “Stay awake!”

           Begrudgingly, he opened them again. “Can’t see.”

           “What?”

           “Can’t see anything.” His breathing went shallow. “Can’t see you, El.”

           “I’m right here, Tom.” Ella began to cry. It was the worst state she’d seen him in. And she’d been there after Black Star day when he was shot. “Tommy, please don’t go anywhere. I need you.”

           “Sh…” He hushed her. “Everything will be alright, pena.” He murmured to her in Shelta. Blindly, he reached a hand out to her. He found her shoulder and weakly pulled her close.

           Sobbing, Ella pressed herself into his chest, clinging to him as if he would simply fade away. Then he said something that chilled her to the bone.

           “I can see you dad. I know you’re there.”

Permanent Tag: @papa-geralt-of-cirilla​ @giftofdreams​ @biba3434​

Tag list: @deaflikehawkeye​ @octaviareina​ @mylovelykelsifer​

Masterpost

PB Masterlist 

[whentommymetalfie]

Breathe again -chapter six

-Sun Tomorrow- 

prologue//one//two//three//four//five//

Chapter Summary: With Tommy’s condition worsening, Alfie decides to try something new. 

Pairing: Alfie/Tommy

Warnings: disordered eating, suicidal ideation, mental instability 

Wordcount: 5300

“Well, the good news are that his feet look alright. I’ve taken the bandages off,” Esther says as she enters the kitchen where Alfie is currently pacing. There’s been quite a lot of that these past few days, pacing, and for some reason he felt the need to do it in a different room today.

“Yeah, well, that’s a small bloody comfort,” he mutters. “What with absolutely everything else is going straight to hell.”

Esther sets the tray down on the kitchen table.

“Give it some time, Sir. He’s obviously been through a lot.”

“Well who hasn’t,” Alfie grunts. “Who fucking hasn’t?” Then he sighs and indicates towards the piece of bread still on the tray. “Still not eating anything, then?” Esther smiles a mild, tilted smile and shrugs.

“Well, he did eat some of the soup. It’s better than nothing.”

Alfie is overwhelmed by an uncomfortable feeling that maybe it’s not better than nothing. Maybe betterwould be to just let Tommy fade away… Seems like the more merciful thing.

No, the truly merciful thing would’ve been to shoot him down at the beach.

He shakes his head to rid it of the thought, because he’s fucking told himself to let that whole thing go, and agonizing over it isn’t helping. Instead he focuses on the practicalities; reminds himself to call Ollie tomorrow and get some intel on Birmingham. See if word’s gotten out that Tommy is missing. Really, he should’ve done it already, but it’s a bit hard to focus on things like that when you have a demanding fucking houseguest that needs babysitting at all hours…

“And you’re sure you don’t want me to stay?” Esther asks and pulls him from the musings.

He waves his hand dismissively. “Your afternoon off is your afternoon off. And I know for a fact that you’ve been looking forward to visiting that sister of yours. We’ll survive a couple of hours on our own”

Esther is still frowning as she unties the knot in the apron and hangs it on a hook by the stove.

“But you have to promise to be gentle with him, Sir.”  

Alfie rolls his eyes. “Fuck, woman, he’s not an abandoned kitten we’ve found in some cardboard box…”

Good analogy that, it may be at odds with the bird one but it somehow feels quite fitting too. Esther is not amused.

“May I remind you, Mister Solomons, that the last time I left you two alone-“

“No, you may not fucking remind me, I get it.” Alfie puts both hands up in a gesture of defeat.

Esther gives him a final, stern look. “All I’m saying is that I better not come home tomorrow and find him beaten all black and blue again.”

Fucking hell, the nerve of this woman…

“You have my bloody word. Now go.”

Esther leaves, but only after another reprimand, some intel on the food situation in the house, and saying yet again that Alfie needs to: ‘be patient with him, poor thing, today isn’t a good day’. And fuck Alfie is moments away from regretting his decision before she’s finally out the door.

After debating with himself for a bit, he reluctantly goes to check on Tommy. On his way to do that,  he passes the living room and sees the blue sky outside the glass doors. It’s been a few days of rain, but now the sky is clear, and the wind is nothing but a gentle breeze. He allows himself to linger and tries to somehow store that peaceful scenery inside himself for what is bound to be yet another frustrating and worrying interaction.

Bracing himself, he opens the door to the guestroom.

The room smells of nightmares and fucking… sadness and sweat. As if the misery is just seeping out of Tommy’s pores. Which isn’t surprising considering he’s spent the past four days in that bed without a proper wash, because baths haven’t exactly been a priority.

But spending all his time in a bed doing nothing but talk to ghosts and being utterly lost in various delusions can’t be doing anything for him.

Alfie thinks of the blue sky outside.

And is suddenly all out of his already lacking patience.

He walks up to the bed.

Tommy is gazing at some spot on the wall, the circles under his eyes dark and his skin ghostly pale. There’s only a tiny sliver of blue visible beneath his eyelids, but it’s enough for Alfie to see that he’s indeed awake. Or whatever you may call this state.

He starts off by shaking him quite roughly.

“Oi, Tommy, you’re getting out of this bed.”

Tommy doesn’t react.

Alfie’s hand flies up on pure instinct, but he stops himself at the last moment, letting it drop back down to his side. Instead he painfully crouches down in Tommy’s line of sight, stares straight at him and grabs onto his shoulder.

“Hey, you’re getting out of this bed and into a bath. It’s non-negotiable.”

Finally, Tommy’s gaze shifts to him.

“A bath?” he repeats, a tiny wrinkle appearing between his eyebrows. Good. Not completely beyond reach today, then.

Alfie nods. “Yeah. And then we’re going for a walk. The weather is brilliant and if there’s one thing life has taught me it’s that it’s just not healthy to lie around and give yourself too much time to think about things. And you truly should listen to me because not only am I a God, but I also possess the wisdom of just a very old man-“

Tommy blinks at him.

Ignoring the lack of enthusiasm or just acknowledgement in general, Alfie straightens up, grabs onto his shoulders and pulls him upright. Only when the blankets pool around the impossibly thin waist does he remember that Tommy isn’t wearing any fucking clothes. Which makes him pause. Then he ambles off to the bathroom, grabs a clean towel and throws it at him.

“There’s a tub in here,” he says, nodding towards the bathroom. “And running water. And not that I really fancy the idea of hanging around watching you bathe, I’m also not too keen on finding you fucking floating around in the water, so I’ll be stayiing”

Tommy just looks at him and bloody hell it’s just all around very fucking frustrating dealing with someone who keeps acting like every word you say is a mystery… Alfie points at the towel.

“Go ahead, then. Out of that bed. I can even do you the favour of filling the tub like the fucking saintly man I am. All you need to do is take that towel and get in here.”

He turns and stomps into the bathroom and to the tub, turning the knobs to get the water running. Fuck he really should wait with this until Esther is back tomorrow. Why didn’t he do that? She’s well versed in dealing with this little lunatic by now, and in giving baths. Why on earth would he start on a mission like this on his own?

He pours a glug from a bottle on the edge of the tub into the water and the room fills with some florally scent as bubbles begin forming. Just as he’s about to go back and drag Tommy out of bed by the hair, the door creaks and Tommy appears on the threshold with the towel wrapped around his waist and with that blanket Alfie gave him draped over his shoulders, leaving very little of him uncovered.

He eyes first Alfie and then the bath very dubiously but without any actual glint in his eyes. Just this dull sort of nothingness.

Alfie turns off the water. The bath is just about half full, but that’s going to make it a bit more difficult for Tommy to drown himself in it.

“Get in,” he says and points at it. “I’ll be right outside this door and mind you I’ll be fuckin checking on you.”

Tommy just stares at the bath, but the only option other than physically picking him up and dumping him into it, is to just let him take it at his own pace. And even though that first option is a tempting one, Alfie reckons that would be going too far.

So he leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

“Just so we’re clear, I’m right outside. So don’t try anything,” he says and taps a finger against the door for good measure.

Then he listens for any sound of movement. But either Tommy is being awfully quiet or standing stock still. Feels pretty fucking ridiculous to be standing out there, but what’s a man to do?

There’s a bit of quiet splashing and then more silence.

Deciding to give it a minute or so, he goes to fetch the clothes Esther has laid out for Tommy. She did try to insist on going into town and buying him something that would actually fit, but the weather really hasn’t been permitting any long trips like that. And it’s not like anyone is going to see Tommy, so what does it matter if the clothes are a bit big?

Alfie is certain she’ll return tomorrow with clothes anyway.

With the garments draped over his arm he knocks on the bathroom door.

“You okay in there Tommy?”

Silence.

“Know you’re not very fond of the whole… talking bit, but you’ll have to make a noise or I swear I’ll come in there.”

Still nothing.

These days, that’s about all it takes for Alfie’s heart to get stuck in the back of his throat. And he tugs the door open without a second thought.

Tommy is sitting in the tub, knees drawn up to his chest and surrounded by mounds of white bubbles, eyes glassily fastened on the opposite wall.

“What part of ‘make a noise’ do you not understand,” Alfie hisses and dumps the clothes down on top of the marble sink. Tommy blinks and glances at him, flinching as if Alfie just appeared out of thin air. And Alfie takes one of those slow breaths in through his nose that he’s practiced these past few days.

And doesn’t yell at him.

Or slap him over the face.

“You doing okay?”

Tommy nods.

“How about we try to start using words every now and then, eh?” Alfie says and scratches his beard irritably. “Let’s try that again. Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Tommy says quietly and hunches his shoulders a bit, shifting ever so slightly to curl up tighter into his already tightly wound ball of limbs. Doesn’t look very comfortable or relaxed at all but that would probably be asking too much.  

“Brilliant. I’ve got some clothes here for you.” Alfie gestures to the pile. “They’ll be too big but that’s just something you’ll have to live with. So if you just do less fucking staring and more getting cleaned up, we can go out for a bit.”

Tommy doesn’t move, save for raking his nails across his shoulder.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

“Right, Tommy,” he says. “I know everything is very new and difficult but you do remember how to take a fucking bath don’t you?”  

If the lack of response is anything to go by, clearly no.

The next deep breath comes out as a sigh with perhaps a bit too much frustration in.

“Right, so just clean yourself up a bit. Don’t have to dunk your head in if that’s… if that’s too much right now. Just wash some of that nightmare sweat off.”  

Alfie grabs a stool from the bedroom, sets it down on the middle of the floor and turns his back against Tommy. “And I’ll just sit right here and stare very carefully at this wall to make sure we get some progress here. See, I can hear if you’re actually doing something besides sitting there staring.”

He can somehow feel Tommy’s eyes boring into the back of his neck and he crosses his arms resolutely over his chest.

“Yeah, this is fucking strange, I’m well aware,” he grunts. “But I’ve made the informed decision that you’re in no state to be left alone, or you’ll just sit there until the water turns cold. And I’m not fucking bathing you. As much as all of my previous behaviour contradicts this, I’m not actually a bloody nurse. So you’ll just have to do it yourself, alright?”

Silence for another moment.

Alfie wonders if it’s physically possible for a body to just explode from pent up frustration. Surely that must be a thing?

Then there’s a tell-tale sound of water moving and dripping down a body.

“Should be a sponge there somewhere,” he says and tries to somehow hear if Tommy starts using it.

He gives it a few minutes, during which he thinks very hard about absolutely everything except for how fucking strange it is to be sitting in the same room as a naked Tommy in a bathtub.

When it goes very silent again, he glances over his shoulder to find Tommy looking back at him. His cheeks have gone a bit pink from the heat and his hair is  curling at the ends from the steam. Fucking unacceptable really, that people get to just walk around and look like that. Alfie would like to take it up with someone. And it’s not like he really pays attention to it but he’s not fucking blind is he? Not entirely at least.

He clears his throat.

“You done?”

Tommy nods. He raises both eyebrows and gets another quiet ‘yes’ instead

He puts his hands on his knees and gets to his feet.

“Well then, Tommy, there are just three more tiny steps that I’d like for you to do, and it’d make both our lives just a whole lot easier,” he says. “Get out of the tub, dry yourself off and put some clothes on-“ Tommy’s eyes have gone oddly glazed again and he snaps his fingers in front of him. “Oi, still talking.” Fucking hell. At least Tommy shakes out of the daze and blinks up at him. “So, steps: out of the tub, dry yourself off, put on clothes. Can you do that?”

Tommy’s eyes narrow just the tiniest bit, and Alfie desperately wishes to see some of that old iciness glint in them. Wishes he’d roll them and say something along the lines of ‘I’m not a fucking child’. Maybe get out of the tub stark naked and-

All he gets is another nod.

“Great. I’ll leave the room for this.” He makes his way out the door, telling Tommy over his shoulder: “Mind you I’ll be back in a few minutes and if you’ve managed to somehow injure yourself in that time I swear I can’t be held responsible for my fucking actions. Alright?”

He slams the bathroom door shut and goes to stand by the window to somehow occupy himself with the view.

Fucking hell it’s only been an hour since Esther left and he’s already contemplating murder.

His mood is marginally brightened a few minutes later, when the bathroom door opens and Tommy comes out dressed in his clothes.

It’s quite a sight. They would’ve been too big for him even years back before the extra pounds around Alfie’s stomach but now he’s is absolutely drowning in them. Granted Tommy’s also shrunk down to barely more than skin and bones. He’s had to cinch in the trousers with a belt because a pair of suspenders would’ve just left it all hanging in a lose sort of tent around him, and the shirt hangs off his shoulders, bony wrists barely poking out under the large sleeves.

Alfie finds himself smirking and gets what almost, by these new measures, could be counted as a glare.

“Right, now all we need is a coat.”

He heads for the hallway, Tommy following a few steps behind.

“Alright, I’ve got a few to choose from.” Alfie sifts through the items in the wardrobe positioned right inside the front door. “All of them will be far too fucking big on you but I suppose we’ll go for the one that’s the warmest.”

He pulls the thick coat out and tosses it at Tommy.

It lands on the floor.

“Well, pick it up, I’m not a fucking maid.” He shrugs into a coat he’s picked out for himself.

Tommy does. Even puts it on, too.

He flinches when Alfie barks out a laugh, but it can’t be helped -it’s just such a fucking  sight alright? Tommy looks like a child playing dress-up in their father’s clothes.

Once he’s equipped him with a pair of boots, he opens the front door to let light flood into the hallway.

“There we go, let’s see if getting some sunshine on that face will help, hm?”

With that, he grabs onto the coat sleeve and tugs Tommy towards the door, over the threshold and out into the afternoon sun.

The crisp air fills his lungs as he sets foot on the gravel path leading up to the house and he allows himself a moment to just stand there and enjoy it before saying: “See, this is quite nice, innit?”

Tommy is still on the steps, blinking in the sunlight and looking altogether very dazed and lost.

Alfie grabs the coat sleeve again and tugs him along, only letting go once they’re out the front gate.

The walk starts off pretty rocky to say the least. Tommy reminds him of a new-born foal, every step unsteady and unsure. And after an initial bewildered look at his new surroundings, he keeps his gaze firmly fixed on the ground. Alfie ignores it and sets off down the path leading from the house and towards a grassy field. Not down to the sea for now, because that would be… an unnecessary challenge.

“Alright, so maybe you’d like to know a little about this beautiful scenery, hm?” he says as they walk down the path, surrounded by frost painted grass. He gestures towards an patch of greenery in the middle of the field. “Yeah, those, of course, are trees. To the untrained eye they might all look the same but I am well versed in most things and know better-”

Still talking, he leads Tommy through the field, pointing at various objects that just so happen to be mostly trees and bushes. And since he quickly remembers that botany was never his strong suit he makes up a few facts, because there really is no harm in that and at least it keeps Tommy occupied.

Tommy goes along with it, sticking close to his side. He still looks mostly at the ground, fingers picking at the fabric of the too long coat sleeves, but every now and then he’ll glance up and look at what Alfie is pointing at.

He doesn’t walk fast, which isn’t a surprise considering the state of him. And Alfie isn’t fucking cruel, alright, he adjusts his pace accordingly. It’s not like he wants Tommy to end up collapsing somewhere. But he’s sort of expecting it, still. Almost waiting for it with this sick sense of curiosity, wondering for how long he’ll manage to stay on his feet. But even though Tommy clearly struggles just to keep moving at all, he does stay upright.

It’d be stupid to overdo it, though, so finally Alfie stops by a chestnut tree and turns to face him, almost tripping over him because Tommy clearly doesn’t understand the concept of personal space right now.

“You getting tired?” he asks and by some miracle keeps the frustration from his voice.

Tommy isn’t listening, because he’s looking at a shiny chestnut lying nestled among the leaves.

Alfie picks it up and studies it.

“Funny things these… See, I have this very distinct memory of not understanding where they came from, you know, when I was a boy.” He rubs his thumb over the smooth surface. “There was this huge tree- well, in one of the parks, of course, there weren’t any fucking trees around Camden now, was there? Well, I distinctly remember always being surprised when I found these on the ground, because it felt like they’d just sprung out from nowhere, right? Coming from those prickly shells…“

Tommy finally holds his gaze when he looks at him. Eyes blue as the sky.

Alfie grabs his wrist, turns his hand upwards and drops the chestnut down into his palm. It’s followed by instant regret, because what on earth possessed him to do a thing like that? Doesn’t matter, now it’s done and he lets go of the bony wrist as if it’s burning hot to the touch.

Tommy is busy looking down at the chestnut, thank God, because he’s pretty sure he’s fucking blushing.

He clears his throat and starts walking back in direction of the house.

“Alright, suppose we’d better be heading back. It’ll start getting dark soon. And we’re not moving all that fast-“

A moment later he hears Tommy’s footsteps on the path and soon he’s got him there right by his arm again. And he should probably be annoyed because he’s walking so close that Alfie nearly steps on his feet a time or two. Which, yeah, does fucking annoy him make no mistake. But then he feels a hand grasp his coat sleeve. And instead of annoyance flaring up at the gesture, he feels a tug at his heartstrings. Fuck, fuck this is bad…He lets Tommy hold on, because he must be getting tired now, so it’s probably for the best.

Sure enough, by the time he unlocks the front door, Tommy is swaying ever so slightly on his feet, obviously exhausted. But at least the cold air and the bath has given him a tiny bit of colour on his cheeks, which does make him look less like a ghost, so all in all this feels like a successful endeavour.

“Right, I suggest you go sit down,” Alfie says and shrugs out of his coat, waiting to see if Tommy will follow his example or-

Lo and behold, Tommy does in fact pull the coat off, putting it back on one of the hooks.

“Since Esther is away for the night you’ll have to make do with my tea,” Alfie says and heads for the kitchen. “But I do actually know how to make decent tea, because what kind of fucking person doesn’t know how to do that? So why don’t you go sit in the living room for a bit?”

“Not the bed?”

Alfie stops at the question. Tommy has just stepped out of the boots and is standing there on the carpet looking very lost.

“The bed? No. No, I think we’ll avoid that for now. Doesn’t seem to be doing you any good.”

He’s just about to head to the kitchen, but a voice in the back of his mind tells him he’s about to make another one of those less than stellar choices by leaving Tommy to fend for himself there in the hallway. So he turns back, grabs him by the elbow in what he hopes isn’t too much of a rough grip and leads him towards the living room.

“There. Sit,” he says and releases him right by the armchair. “And stay there.”

Tommy’s obedience is mostly eerie, but it does come in handy in times like these, and he promptly sits down. And at least it’s a sign that he’s somewhat lucid, because otherwise he tends to do exactly the opposite of whatever Alfie is telling him.

Once Tommy has curled himself into that tight ball he seems so fond of being in, Alfie goes to make tea. He tells himself it’s because he quite fancies a cup, and then he might as well make one for Tommy as well.

When he returns to the living room, it’s empty. He very nearly throws the tray into the wall on pure instinct as a response, but catches himself at the last moment, setting it down on a table instead. Would of course be a shame on the porcelain. Not to mention his quite extensive collection of books residing on the bookshelf that almost became his target.

“Tommy?” he calls out, but is already moving towards the door. Fuck, if Tommy has gone ahead and wandered out into the sea again Alfie will just fucking leave him there. This is too much to ask of a person…

But the door is locked, the key still in the lock on the inside, and just as he turns to find someplace else to search, he finds Tommy standing there in the doorway with a blanket in his arms.

“Thought I told you to stay put,” Alfie grunts before he can stop himself. Tommy curls back up in the armchair, now with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

“I was cold.”

Alfie gestures to the large number of blankets piled up on the other sofa. But then he realises that of course that’s the specialblanket Tommy’s been clutching like a lifeline since Alfie gave it to him.

Right. That explains it.

“Well, there’s tea now,” he says and points unnecessarily to the tray. “I can’t be fucking arsed to force feed you, so I won’t even try. Just drink something, alright?”

After getting a fire going, he can finally sit down with a sigh. He’s moved his armchair a bit to put it closer to Tommy’s. Makes it easier to grab onto him if he tries anything stupid. Which, given his track record, he will.

He picks up his book, sets the glasses on his nose and starts reading, deciding he deserves a moment of respite from all of this.

Meanwhile, Tommy drinks his tea quietly. And things are surprisingly peaceful for a while.

The next time Alfie looks up, he finds Tommy looking at the cover of the book, the empty teacup sitting on the tray.

“It’s a pretty decent book, this,” he says and taps the cover. “Well, I’m just on the second chapter, but it’s Austen, so how bad could it be? And before you say anything I’d like to point out that it’s masterful prose, even though it happens to concern fuckin’… rich folks just strolling around on lawns and sighing a lot.”

Tommy keeps looking at him, and this is longer than he usually pays attention so Alfie continues:  “See in this part, for example, our protagonist’s just having this very long monologue. And I think it’s about to continue on the next page.” He flips to the next page and hums. “Yeah, yeah see, these people really know where it’s at.” Tommy is still looking at him. He clears his throat and starts reading: “The weather’s been dreadfully grey, hasn’t it-“ he glances up at Tommy over the edge of his glasses. “You’ll have to imagine that being a woman’s voice yourself, alright? Because I’m not doing any attempts at that. Well, anyway-” he clears his throat and continues. “Ghastly, I tell you, absolutely ghastly.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Tommy set his head against the back of the armchair, still with his eyes fastened on him.

He finishes the passage where the weather is discussed, and decides he might as well finish the whole page because what could the harm be in that? But when the page is over, Tommy is still paying attention, which is such a remarkable fucking thing that he reads another. And another. By the third page, he feels a slight tug at the fabric of his left shirtsleeve. Tommy has grabbed onto it. And of course it’s right there, on the armrest only inches away from Tommy’s chair, and he did spend a good part of his first day in the house clinging to this very shirt, so maybe it’s not such a strange and momentous thing. But it feels very much like both.

So from then on when he’s about to turn to a new page he puts the book down onto his lap so that he can use only his right hand. If holding onto something keeps Tommy from having one-sided conversations with any of the stuffed birds, or scratching himself bloodied, well then it seems like a small sacrifice to make.

But he’ll just finish this chapter, then it’ll have to be enough. He’s got things to do. Can’t be sitting around here all evening. Not that he can remember exactly what those things were, but it’s a matter of principle, really.

Yeah. He’ll just finish this chapter.

But when he gets to the end of that chapter, he finds himself starting the next one. Just because Tommy hasn’t shifted uneasily or said some cryptic shit for over half an hour, which must be some kind of record, truly. And if that makes Alfie feel more at peace than he has in fucking days and if the way he’s curled up against the armrest and pulled Alfie’s arm a bit closer makes him feel some type of way, then that’s no one else’s business is it?

And neither is the fact that when the sun begins setting outside the window, he’s still reading. Truth be told he’s so engulfed by it that he only notices because the low rays shine into his eyes. He places the book on his lap, spine up, and looks out the glass door.

“Now, that’s really, in the grand scheme of things, why you should have a house by the beach, innit, Tommy?” he says and nods towards the view.

Tommy glances out the windows and makes a little affirmative noise. Which feels like a victory. He’s still holding onto the shirtsleeve, and Alfie’s arm has somehow ended up all the way on the armrest of Tommy’s chair. He pretends not to notice. Like it’s just some lose extremity that’s lying there and not at all attached to his body by the shoulder.

He switches on the table lamp and continues reading. It’s rather nice, reading out loud. Strikes him he’s never really done that before. Cited things, sure. He gladly takes every opportunity to use words from people wiser than him, few as they are, especially if it serves to illustrate a point. But he’s never really read out loud before.

When he finishes yet another chapter, it’s quite dark in the room, so he looks over to Tommy to see how he’s dealing with that. Would be unfortunate if there were more of those scratching incidents, is all…

Tommy is asleep; the fingers of his right hand curled loosely into Alfie’s shirt and with the blanket pulled all the way up to his nose. His left hand is resting in his lap, clutching a small object. It takes Alfie a moment to realise that it’s the chestnut.

He blinks. And is annoyed that an almost giddy feeling of relief swells in his chest, because the sight of Tommy finally relaxed, eyes closed, lips slightly parted and with every line on his face smoothed out, has no business making him so happy.

Right. Tommy’s asleep. Means he can get some uninterrupted time to himself to just… exist and not have to worry about him every fucking second.

Well. It won’t hurt, just sitting here for a bit and making sure he stays asleep.

As if on que, Tommy shifts a little and frowns. Lacking better options, Alfie opens up the book and starts reading again, as soft and quiet as he can. Tommy settles down again and he feels himself relaxing back into his armchair.

And if he falls asleep in that very armchair a few hours later with the book on his chest and Tommy still sleeping soundly next to him, well, no one has to know.

[winchesterbrotherstan]

SPN- Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things (2.04)

hahahhahah ohhh dean... so naive also freckles :)

Pairing: Olive Winchester (OC)

Summary: While visiting Mary’s grave, the siblings stumble upon a case. Dean’s rage rises to unprecedented levels, Sam tries to hold everything together, and Olive fears losing her brother.

Warnings: cursing, dead person, guns, dean is ANGRY, uh, the usual

Word Count: 6024

I clutched my stomach as we cruised down the road. Sam wanted to visit their mother’s grave, and Dean was having absolutely none of it. We hit a pothole, and the car jumped. I swallowed the spit in my mouth and turned from my back to my side. Jinx was still at Bobby’s, and I was glad. If she was in the car, she would’ve either thrown up or peed everywhere.

“Come on, Sam. I’m begging you.” Dean groaned. “This is stupid.”

“Why?” Sam sighed, puppy eyes most likely on display.

“Going to visit Mom’s grave? She doesn’t even have a grave. There… there was no body left after the fire, Sam.”

“She has a headstone.” Sam whispered.

“Yeah, put up by her uncle, a man we’ve never even met. So you wanna, what, go pay your respects to a slab of granite put up by a stranger? Come on!’

“Dean, that’s not his point!” I sat up in the backseat, leaning forward.

“Oh, then, please, enlighten me, Olive.”

“It’s not about a body. Or a casket. It’s about her memory!” I spat, then turned to Sam with a sad sigh. “Isn’t it, Sams?”

“Yeah. And… Dean, after Dad… it… it just feels like the right thing to do.” He sighed again.

“It’s irrational is what it is.”

I rolled my eyes. “Nobody asked you to come. Sam and I can both drive.”

“Why don’t we just swing by the Roadhouse instead? I mean, we haven’t heard anything on the demon lately. We should be hunting that son of a bitch down.” Dean offered.

Sam and I shared a look and he reached up to pat my hand. “That’s a good idea, Dean. You should. Just drop us off, we’ll hitch a ride, and we’ll meet you there tomorrow.”

“Right.” Dean huffed. “Stuck… stuck with those people, making awkward small talk until you guys show up? No thanks.”

I grinned at Sam, and he leaned his head against my hand with a soft smile. I kissed his head.

“Love ya, baby face.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, you too, bug.”

                                                               ***

Sam was by Mary’s grave. Dean was standing by Dad’s headstone with a serious pout on his face. I watched as Sam dug a small hole by her headstone, then dropped Dad’s dog tags into them.  I glanced back over at Dean, feeling like I had interrupted a sacred moment. He began to walk off, focused on something. I sighed and tightened my jacket around myself.

“Hey, bug?”

My head snapped back to Sam. “Yeah?”

He nodded his head toward the headstone. “Wanna come talk to her?”

My heart jumped in my throat. “But… Sammy…”

“Hey.” He smiled. “It’s okay.” He held a hand out. “Come here.”

I slowly inched over, then huddled into his side as I stared at her headstone. Sam wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head.

“She would’ve loved you, Ollie.”

I leaned into him with a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry, Sams.”

He only hugged me tighter.

“Hi, Mary…” I sniffled, feeling tears well in my eyes. “I’m Olive. I’m Sam and Dean’s little sister… I wish I could’ve met you. You did a really good job.” I glanced up at Sam, who had his eyes shut and tears falling down his cheeks. “I’ll take care of them for you. I promise.”

I turned and wrapped my arms around Sam’s waist and hugged him as tightly as I could, head in his chest. He chuckled.

“I love you so much.”

I nodded, hugging him tighter. “I love you too.”

“Hey. Angela Mason. She was a student at the local college. Funeral was three days ago.”

I looked straight up at Sam, eyebrows furrowed. He sighed and let go of me, crossing his arms over his chest. I put my hands in my pockets and leaned my cheek against Sam’s arm.

“Okay, and?”

“And? You see the grave?” He pointed at it. “Everything dead around it, in a perfect circle? You don’t think that’s a little weird?”

Sam and I shared another look. “Maybe the groundskeeper went a little agro with the pesticide?”

“No.” Dean shook his head. “No, no, I asked him. No pesticide, no chemicals. Nobody can explain it.”

“Okay…” Sam sighed again.

“So what’re you thinking, Dean?” I cleared my throat.

“I dunno. Unholy ground, maybe?”

“Uh…” Sam blinked as he trailed off, and then looked down to me with an incredulous look on his face.

Is he fucking kidding me?

“What? If something evil happened there, it could easily poison the ground. Remember the uh, the farm outside Cedar Rapids?”

“Well, yeah, bu-”

“Could be a sign of demonic presence. Or, the uh, the Angela girl’s spirit, if it’s powerful enough.”

Sam nodded and turned away with another heavy sigh. Dean looked at me and his hands went up, exasperated. I shrugged.

“Well, don’t get too excited.” Dean scowled. “You might pull something.”

“It’s just…” Sam sighed again and turned back. “Stumbling onto a hunt? Here, of all places?”

“Yeah.” Dean huffed. “So?”

“So… are you sure this is about a hunt, and not something else?”

“What else could it be about?”

Sam let out another heavy sigh, shook his head, and started moving toward the car. “You know, just forget about it.”

“You believe what you want, Sam. But I… I let you drag my ass out here, the least we could do is check this out.” Dean crossed his arms over his chest and looked at me.

I groaned loudly and threw my head back, annoyed. Dean’s eyebrows only furled deeper. Sam looked at me and I shrugged.

“Yeah.”

“Fine.”

“Girl’s dad works in town. He’s a professor at the school. Let’s go.”

                                                              ***

“Dr. Mason?” Dean knocked on the open door of the office.

“Yes?”

“I’m Sam, this is Dean. This is Olive, our little sister. Uh… my brother and I, we were friends of Angela’s. We… we wanted to offer our condolences.”

“Please, come in.” Dr. Mason gestured us in.

We shuffled in, and he shut the door behind us. Sam and I sat down in the chairs across from his desk as he pulled out a photo album. Dean pulled an old book off a bookshelf and looked at the doc.

“Do you mind?”

“No, not at all, feel free.” He smiled.

Dean flipped through the pages.

I stared at the pictures as Dr. Mason paged through the book. I leaned into Sam’s side with a big sigh.

“She was beautiful.”

“Yes.” Dr. Mason smiled softly. “She was.”

“This is an unusual book.” Dean turned the book toward us.

It had greek letters and a weird triangular symbol carved into it.

“It’s ancient Greek. I teach a course.” Dr. Mason nodded.

Dean sighed as he stood behind my chair. “So… a car accident, that… that’s horrible.”

“Angie was only a mile away from home when, uh…” Dr. Mason sniffled.

“It’s gotta be hard.” Dean’s hands drummed against the chair. “Losing someone like that. Sometimes it’s like they’re s-still around. Almost like you can feel their presence.”

I glanced between him and Sam, who was now perplexed.

“You ever feel anything like that?”

“I do, as a matter of fact.” Dr. Mason kept staring at the picture.

“Well, that’s perfectly normal, Dr. Mason. Especially with what you’re going through.” Sam offered.

“You know, I still phone her.” He sighed. “And the phone’s ringing before I remember that, uh… family’s everything, you know?”

I leaned further into Sam and looked up at Dean.

“Yeah. We know.”

“Angie was the most important thing in my life. And now, I… I-I’m just lost without her.”

Sam nodded. “We’re very sorry.”

                                                              ***

“Guys, I’m telling you, there’s something going on here. We just haven’t found it yet.” Dean’s eyes were wide.

I sighed and tried to focus on my book. Sam said nothing, instead zoning out while staring at the TV.

“Hey.” Dean snapped his fingers in front of my face.

I turned the page. Dean groaned obnoxiously and snatched my glasses off my face.

“Dean! I need those to see, prick!” I tossed the book aside and sat up on my knees, reaching for them.

He held them above my head and tried to keep a serious face.

“Dean!”

“No! Pay attention to me, then you’ll get them back.”

“Sammy!” I whined, turning to him and huffing.

“Dean, so far you’ve got a patch of dead grass and nothing.”

“Well, something turned that grave into unholy ground.” Dean snapped back.

“There’s no reason for it to be unholy ground, Dean. Angela Mason was a nice girl who died in a car crash. That’s not exactly vengeful spirit material. You heard her father.” Sam got to his feet and plucked my glasses back from Dean. “Here you go, bug.”

Dean huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Well, maybe Daddy doesn’t know everything there is to know about this little angel, huh?”

I rubbed my eyes and slid my glasses back on. “Dean, I don’t think your average teenage girl is evil enough to turn ground unholy.”

“She’s right, Dean. We never should’ve bothered that poor man. We shouldn’t even be here anymore.” Sam put his hands on his hips.

“So what, guys? What, we just bail? Without even figuring out what’s going on?”

Sam shook his head. “I think I know what’s going on here. It’s the only reason I went along with you this far.”

I tilted my head at him.

You lost me.

“What are you talking about?” Dean scowled.

“This is about Mom’s grave.”

I shrunk into the bed and looked down at my hands. I couldn’t play referee on this one.

Dean scoffed. “That’s got nothing to do with it.”

“Dude! You wouldn’t even step within a hundred yards of it. Look, maybe you’re imagining a hunt where there isn’t one so you don’t have to think about Mom. Or Dad.”

Dean turned to him with a look of pain and disgust on his face. Sam sighed and held his arms out wide.

“You wanna take another swing? Go ahead, if it’ll make you feel better.”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t need this crap.”

He pulled on his jacket without a word, then grabbed the car keys. I scooted to the edge of the bed and sighed.

“Dean…”

He came my way and cupped my face, pressing a long kiss to my forehead. He pulled away with a soft smile and rubbed the tip of my nose. I sighed. Dean was having a lot of mood swings lately, which was understandable, but I felt guilty when he was sweet to me and cold to Sam.

“I’ll be back before you know it, princess. Love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Dean, where’re you going?” Sam called as Dean started for the door.

“I’m gonna go get a drink. Alone.”

“Be safe!” I shouted as the door shut behind him.

                                                              ***

Something whacked me in the head and I groaned, turning onto my back before sitting up. I looked down at my side to see that the TV remote had landed next to me.

“Dude, what the hell?”

“Where in the hell were you, Dean?”

I rubbed my head and looked between Sam, who was on the edge of the bed, and Dean, who had just walked in. He glanced between Sam and the TV.

“Hey!” I shouted. “Who the fuck just threw the remote at me?”

Dean and Sam looked at me before quickly pointing at each other. I groaned and threw the remote onto the other bed.

“Dean, where were you?”

“Working my imaginary case. You?”

“I was sleeping.” I deadpanned. “What d’ya got?”

“Well, you two were right. I didn’t find much.”

Sam gave a sympathetic nod and I sighed before going to lay back down.

“Except that Angela’s boyfriend died last night.”

I sat back up and stared at Dean, eyebrows furrowed. He nodded, smug. I rolled my eyes and got to my feet, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Okay, and?”

“He slit his own throat. But you know, that’s normal. Uh, let’s see, what else. Oh, yeah! He was seeing Angela everywhere before he died. But you know, I’m sure that’s just me projecting my own feelings. Ya know, Mercury must be in retrograde.”

I snorted and moved to sit next to Sam. He sighed, defeated.

“Okay. I’m sorry, maybe there is something going on here.”

I turned to him with a glare. “Maybe? You think so, Sams? I mean, wh-what was it? The suicide or the seeing his dead girlfriend part?”

“Hey.” Sam warned.

“She’s right, Sam. I know how to do my job, despite what you might think.”

I sighed. “Okay, we should check out the guy’s apartment.”

Dean leaned against the cabinet with the TV on top of it and crossed his arms. “I just came from there. Pile of dead plants, just like the cemetery. Hell, dead goldfish too.”

“So, unholy ground?”

“Maybe.” Dean sighed. “I’m still not getting that powerful angry spirit vibe from Angela.” He got up and crossed back to the table, where he plucked a pink book out of his jacket pocket. “I have been reading this, though.”

“You rat!” I gasped with a smile on my face.

“You stole the girl’s diary?” Sam was far from impressed.

“Yeah, Sam. And I’d love it if you’d appreciate my genius like Olive does. Anyways, if anything, this girl’s a little too nice.”

“So what do you wanna do?”

“Keep digging. Talk to more of her friends.”

“You get any names?” Sam sighed.

“Are you kidding me?” Dean held the diary up. “I have her bestest friend in the whole wide world.”

                                                              ***

“Hey!” I stumbled to stand as Sam and Dean came down the steps. “What’d we get?”

“Apparently Angela found her boy cheating the night she died.”

I scratched the back of my neck as Dean let out a low whistle. “That’s not ideal.”

Dean snorted. “Well, the vengeful spirit theory’s starting to make a little more sense. I mean, hell hath no fury…”

“So if Angela got her revenge on Matt, you think it’s over?” Sam asked as we climbed into the car.

“Well, there’s one way to be sure.”

Sam titled his head. “What?”

“Burn the bones?” I looked up at Dean, and he nodded.

“Burn the bones.”

Sam scoffed at both of us. “Are you two high?”

Dean and I glanced at each other. I scratched my nose while he cleared his throat. Sam smacked my arm.

“You are fifteen, you should have no clue what being high even is.”

I giggled, and Dean cracked a grin.

“Wait, what’s the issue with burning the bones?” I turned back to Sam.

“Angela died last week!”

“So?”

“Oh…” I grimaced as I realized.

“So, there’s not gonna be bones, Dean. There’s gonna be a ripe, rotting body in that coffin.”

Dean shrugged. “So? Since when are you afraid to get dirty? Huh?”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Fine, but Olive stays in the car.”

“Wh-”

“Please.” I begged, sending Dean puppy eyes.

He sighed as he looked at me, then huffed. “Fine.”

“Oh, thank you.”

“Sissy.”

“Call me whatever the fuck you want, Dean, I don’t do corpses. Only bones.”

“We burned the witches down in New Orleans!”

“I threw up, remember!”

“Oh, yeah, you did.” Dean shuddered. “Puked all over my new boots.”

I shrugged. “Sorry.”

Sam stared at us both with a defeated look. He let out a long sigh and turned to stare out the window. I giggled and leaned into his side.

“Let’s just go get this over with.”

                                                              ***

“What’s going on?” I asked as Dean and Sam slammed the trunk shut and scrambled into the car. “Why didn’t you burn the body?”

“There is no body.” Dean scowled.

“What?”

Sam sighed and shook his head. “The coffin was empty.”

I tilted my head. “What the fuck?”

He nodded. “Yeah. There were some symbols in the wood.”

“What symbols?”

Dean pulled out his phone and showed me a picture. I hummed.

“Haven’t we seen those before?”

He nodded. “Yeah. And I know exactly where.”

“Well, where?”

                                                              ***

“Dean, oh my god.” I took a few steps back as Dean pounded on Dr. Mason’s office door.

“Dean, take it easy. Please.” Sam pulled on his shoulders.

The door opened, and Dr. Mason smiled at us. “You’re Angie’s friends, right?”

Sam was the epitome of a gentle giant. His smile was soft, his posture was relaxed, and his tone was warm. “Dr. Mason-”

“We need to talk.” Dean cut him off with a snarl.

“Well, then, come on in.”

Dean pushed past him, and Sam followed, an apologetic smile on his face.

“Thank you, sorry.” I whispered.

Dean didn’t even wait for the door to shut as he whipped out the paper with the symbols. “You teach Ancient Greek. Tell me…” He unfurled the paper. “What are these?”

“I don’t understand.” Dr. Mason squinted, then looked at Sam and I. “Does this have something to do with Angela?”

“It does. Please, just humor me.” Dean snapped.

“They’re part of an ancient Greek divination ritual.”

“Used for necromancy, right?”

Dr. Mason nodded. “That’s right.”

“See, before we came over here, we stopped by the library and did a little homework ourselves. Apparently they used rituals like this one for communicating with the dead. Even bringing corpses back to life. Full on zombie action.”

Dr. Mason nodded. “Yes. I mean, according to the legends. Now, what’s all this about?”

Sam and I glanced at Dr. Mason, then at each other with matching expressions. This guy didn’t seem like someone who would bring his dead kid back to life. I caught Dean’s eye and sent him a pleading look. He kept going.

“I think you know.”

“Dean.” Sam warned.

“Look, I get it. Okay? There are people that I would give anything to see again.” Dean softened, then got in Dr. Mason’s face. “But what gives you the right?”

“Dean!” Sam took a step forward.

“What are you talking about?” Dr. Mason was beyond confused.

“What’s dead should stay dead!” Dean shot.

“What?” Dr. Mason’s eyes were wide.

“Stop it!” I ran at Dean and pushed him, but he didn’t budge.

“What you brought back isn’t even your daughter anymore! These things are vicious, they’re violent, they’re so nasty they rot the ground around them! I mean, come on, haven’t you seen Pet Sematary?”

“Dean, stop!” I hit his chest.

He caught me off guard and pushed me, sending me stumbling into Sam. Sam forced me behind him and glared at Dean.

“You’re insane.” Dr. Mason shook his head.

“Where is she!”

“Get out of my office.” He picked up his phone, but Dean knocked it out of his hand.

“I know you’re hiding her somewhere! Where is she!”

“Dean! Stop!” I ducked out from under Sam and pushed Dean, hard this time.

He glared at me and I grabbed his wrist, making sure I dug my nails into his skin even though it hurt me. I pointed to the windowsill.

“Look. Plants. Beautiful, living plants.” I growled.

“We’re leaving.” Sam told Dr. Mason.

Dean jerked himself out of my grip and stormed out the door.

“I’m calling the police.” Dr. Mason scowled.

“Sir, we’re really sorry. We won’t bother you again.” I gave him the most apologetic look I could before Sam and I followed after Dean.

                                                              ***

“Dean, what the hell is the matter with you?” Sam called.

“Back off.” Dean growled.

“That man is innocent! He didn’t deserve that!”

“Okay, so she’s not here! Maybe he’s keeping her somewhere else.”

“Stop it!” Sam shouted. “That is enough, okay? Enough.”

“Sam, I know what I’m doing.”

“No, you don’t!” I shouted. “You don’t, at all, Dean! Look, just about everything in this world scares me, but you never have. Except for now. You’re scaring the shit out of me.”

Dean bent down and got in my face. “Don’t be so overdramatic, Olive.”

Sam pulled me away from Dean and scowled. “You’re lucky this turned out to be a real case. Because if it wasn’t you would’ve just found something else to kill.”

“Wh-”

“He’s right, Dean! You’re on edge, you’re erratic. Except for when you’re hunting, because then you are downright horrifying. You’re spinning out, dude. And you’d rather die than talk about it! And you won’t let Sam and I help you!”

“I can take care of myself, thanks. I don’t need my little siblings to do it for me.”

“Dean!” Sam was panting, exasperated. “You can’t take care of yourself. And you know what? You’re the only one who thinks you should have to! You don’t have to handle this on your own, Dean. Nobody even can.”

“Dean, we’re still a family, and family is supposed to take care of each other!”

“If you bring up Dad’s death one more time I swear-”

“Stop! Please!” Sam looked ready to smash something against a wall.

“Dean.” I spoke, lips trembling. “Dean, this is killing you. Please.” My voice broke. “We’ve all lost Dad. You two have lost your mother. Sam’s lost Jess. But if you keep living like this, we will lose you too.”

Dean sighed. “We better get out of here before the cops come.”

I let out a strangled cry, trying to disguise it as a groan as I turned away. I pinched the bridge of my nose and looked up, holding back tears.

“I hear you. Okay? Yeah. I’m being an ass, and I’m sorry. But right now we’ve got a freaking zombie running around. And we need to figure out how to kill it.”

Sam let out a small chuckle and I wiped the tears from my eyes, turning back to the boys.

“Right?” Dean’s face was still serious.

“Our lives are weird, man.” Sam chuckled again.

“You’re telling me?” Dean huffed. “Come on.”

                                                              ***

“We can’t just waste her with a head shot?” Dean continued to pace around the room.

Sam chuckled and looked up from Dad’s journal. “Dude, you’ve been watching way too many Romero flicks.”

“You’re telling me there’s no lore on how to smoke em!” Dean put his hands up. “What else am I supposed to suggest?”

I giggled and Sam shook his head as Dean took a seat across from me. “No, Dean, I’m telling you that there’s too much. I mean, there’s a hundred different legends on the walking dead, and they all have different ways to kill them.” Sam moved from the bed to the table, pushing my feet onto the ground. “Some say, setting them on fire, uh, decapitation, cut up the bodies…” He sighed.

“Oh! I found one you might like!” I grinned as I flipped the laptop toward them.

“Feeding their hearts to wild dogs?” Sam read off the screen.

“I say we break into the zoo and find some hyenas and go for it!”

Dean’s head tilted. “Are wild dogs and hyenas the same thing?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “I think so.”

Sam shook his head. “No they’re not.”

I pulled the laptop back my way and googled it. “Wait, no, they actually are two separate things. Hyenas are more closely related to cats? And… mongooses?”

“What the fuck is a mongoose?” Dean leaned forward.

I pulled up a picture of a mongoose and snorted. “This is an overgrown ferret. You’re telling me that that is related to a hyena?” I pushed the laptop back their way.

Sam rubbed his eyes. “I mean, the point is, who knows what’s real and what’s a myth?”

“Well, is there anything they all have in common?” I shut the laptop with a sigh.

“No.” Sam sighed. “But a few said silver might work.”

I looked at Dean, who shrugged.

“Silver’s a start.”

I leaned back in my chair. “Well, yeah. But how are we gonna find Angela? It’s not like she’s in her grave.”

Dean sighed. “We’ve gotta figure out the person who brought her back.”

“Alright. Any ideas?”

“I think that if it’s not her dad, it might be that guy Neil.”

I glanced between the boys. “Who?”

“A friend of Angela’s.”

“Okay… how’d you come up with that?”

Dean crossed the room and grabbed the pink diary, tapping his fingers on it with a grin. “You’ve got your journal, I’ve got mine.” He flipped it open and cleared his throat. “Neil’s a real shoulder to cry on, he so understands what I’m going through with Matt.”

I giggled and he nodded, throwing the diary onto the table and sitting back down. “There’s more in there where that came from. It’s got unrequited duckie love written all over it.”

I giggled again, and Sam cracked a smile.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean he brought her back from the dead.”

“Hmm.” Dean pouted. “Did I mention he’s Dr. Mason’s TA? Has access to all the same books.”

Sam rested his chin in his hands and made a face.

                                                              ***

“Hello? Neil? It’s your grief counselors. We’ve come to hug.” Dean called out into the apartment.

There was no answer. Dean pulled out a gun and nodded at me. I pulled my own, and Sam made a face.

“They’re silver bullets.” I grinned.

Sam shook his head, but there was a hint of a smile on his face.

“Enough to make her rattle like a change purse.” Dean matched the grin on my face.

Dean led the way. Sam was in the middle, and I brought up the rear with my gun ready. Sam nudged us both and pointed. I looked over to see a windowsill fill of wilted plants. I groaned, feeling sick. Dean nodded and led us to a door. He nodded to it.

“Unless it’s where he keeps his porn…”

Sam sighed and opened the door. Dean led the way down, Sam and I followed. The room was empty. 

“Sure looks like a zombie pen to me.” Dean huffed.

“Yeah, an empty one.” Sam sighed. “Think Angela’s going after somebody?”

Dean pulled a loose grate off the wall. It landed on the floor with a thud and I sighed. It was a tunnel, and it definitely led somewhere outside.

“Nah. I think she went to rent Beaches.” Dean mocked.

I whacked the back of his head and Sam rolled his eyes.

“Okay, jackass. She might kill someone. Which means we’ve gotta find her.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, alright. She uh, she clipped Matt because he was cheating on her, right?”

“Well, yeah, that’s the working theory.”

“Okay, well, it takes two to have hardcore sex.”

Sam frowned and I grimaced.

“I don’t know, it just seemed that uh… Angela’s roommate was broken up over Matt’s death. I mean, like…” Dean raised his eyebrows. “Really broken up.”

                                                              ***

Someone screamed, and Dean and I both fired, nailing Angela in the chest and shoulder. She screamed but went out the window. Dean and I went after as Sam went to the roommate. We reached the window, but she was already out of sight. I stuck my head out the window and looked around. She was gone.

“Damn.”

“Alright, so the dead chick can run.”

I sighed. “What do we do now?”

Dean thought about it for a second. “I say we go have a little chat with Neil.”

                                                              ***

“Okay, so the silver bullets did something, right?”

“Yeah, but obviously not enough. What else you got?”

“Um, okay… besides silver, we have…” Sam skimmed through Dad’s journal. “Nailing the undead back into their grave beds. It’s mentioned a few times.”

“Probably where the whole vampire staking lore came from.” I mused.

“Their grave beds? Seriously?” Dean glanced from the road to Sam.

“Yeah.”

“How the fuck are we gonna get Angela back to the cemetery?”

                                                              ***

“Just stay behind me, okay?” Sam squeezed my shoulder.

I nodded. “Okay.”

Dean pushed the office door open, and a guy was sitting at his desk in the dark. Dean shot us a look over his shoulder. I kept close to Sam as we shuffled into the room.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“You know, I’ve heard of people doing some pretty desperate things to get laid, but you.” Dean snorted. “You take the cake.”

“Okay. Who are you guys?”

“You might wanna ask Angela that question.”

“What?”

“We know what you did, Neil. The ritual and everything.”

Neil scoffed. “You’re crazy.”

“Your girlfriend’s past her expiration date and we’re crazy?”

“When someone’s gone, they should stay gone.” Dean reiterated.

No.

I swallowed, caught off guard. It was happening again. I cleared my throat.

“Angela killed Matt. She tried to kill her roommate too.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Hey!” Dean stormed over to the desk and hauled Neil up by the collar.

Sam was shocked, but I didn’t even blink. This was how it was going to be until he let us help him.

“No more crap, Neil. His blood is on your hands. Now. Me and my siblings can make this right, but you’ve gotta tell us where she is. Tell us!”

I noticed the window behind his desk. All the plants were dead.

“My house! She’s at my house.”

Dean dropped him, and I cleared my throat.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!” He nodded.

I glanced past him to see a closet cracked open. I cleared my throat again, and the boys looked at me, confused.

“Listen. It doesn’t really matter where she is. There’s only one way to stop her. We’ve gotta do another ritual over her grave to reverse the mess you made. Gonna need some black root, some scar weed, some sage and some candles. It’s complicated, but it’ll get the job done.”

I noticed Dean holding back a smirk, and Sam’s eyebrows furrowed.

“She’ll be dead again in a few hours. I really think you should come with us.”

Neil said nothing.

“I’m serious, Neil. Leave with us. Right now.”

“No. No, I can’t.”

Dean leaned back in and whispered something to him. Neil’s face drained of color and Dean turned back to us. “Let’s go.”

                                                              ***

“Do you really think this’ll work?”

I shrugged as I lit another candle. “Dude, fuck if I know. It’s the best I could come up with.”

There was a crackling sound from nearby, and our heads snapped up like three deer. Dean nodded to Sam, who slowly stood and held his hand out. I pulled my gun from the small of my back and handed it to him. As Sam stalked away, I opened my mouth, letting my teeth do as they pleased. Fangs slid out, cramming my regular teeth to the sides. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before focusing on the noises. There was another sound, closer to where Sam had gone.

I heard the shifting of his clothes and then a small gasp.

“Wait! It’s not what you think. I didn’t ask to be brought back! But it’s still me. I’m still a person. Please.” Angela pleaded.

There was a gunshot, and I flinched, eyes snapping open. There was a scream and the subsequent crunching of bones. Sam began to run back to us, and there was another thud.

Sam.

I snatched Dean’s gun from the back of his jeans and made a run for it. Sam was down in the clearing, and Angela was trying to twist his head back. I shot her, and she scrambled away, right toward Dean. I shot her a few more times, and she stumbled into her open grave. Dean acted fast, grabbing a long metal stake and ran for it, sliding into the grave.

“Please, don’t!” She screamed.

I flinched as I heard the sound of the blade digging into her skin. There was a gasp, and then nothing.

“What’s dead should stay dead.” Dean hissed.

                                                              ***

“Man, rest in peace.” I huffed as we finished patting down the dirt over her grave.

“Yeah, for good this time.” Dean huffed.

Sam grunted as he lifted his shovel over his shoulder and we made our way to the car.

“You know, that whole fake ritual thing, luring Angela into the cemetery? Pretty sharp of you two.”

Dean and I looked at each other and grinned. “Thanks.”

“But why did I have to be the bait?”

“Figured you were more her type.” Dean teased. “You know, she had a pretty crappy taste in guys.”

“I think she broke my hand.” Sam huffed.

“Aw, Sams.” I pouted. “Gimme the shovel.”

“Nah, it’ll hurt more to move it.”

Dean laughed. “You’re just too fragile. We’ll get it looked at later.” He paused and glanced back at Mary’s grave.

“You wanna stay for a while?” Sam asked.

Dean shook his head. “Nope.”

He popped the trunk and let us drop our things in. I climbed into the front bench with a grunt. Sam and Dean followed.

                                                              ***

Dean pulls the car over onto the opposite shoulder with a scowl. Olive sits up straight, and Sam looks at the eldest Winchester, confused. Dean gets out of the car and sits on the hood, wordless. Sam and Olive share a look, then follow their brother out of the car. Sam sits down on the hood, leaving a space between himself and Dean.

“Dean, what is it?” He asks.

“I’m sorry.”

His voice is deep and his tone is serious, but Olive sees right through it. He’s about to burst into tears. She stands between her brothers, staying close to Dean.

“For what?”

“The way I’ve been acting.” He looks down and swallows. “And for Dad. I mean… he was you guys’ Dad too. And it’s my fault that he’s gone.”

Sam glances at Olive, expecting to share a look. Olive sinks into Dean’s side and swallows, hard. She doesn’t look at Sam. She can’t, or she’ll break.

“Dean, what are you talking about?”

“I know you’ve been thinking it. So have I.” Dean sniffs. “Doesn’t take a genius to figure it out. Back at the hospital, I made a full recovery. It was a miracle. And five minutes later, Dad’s dead and the Colt is gone.”

“Dean.”

“You can’t tell me there’s not a connection there.” Dean shakes his head. “I don’t know how the demon was involved. I don’t know how the whole thing went down exactly. But Dad’s dead because of me.”

Olive begins to cry, looking down at her feet. Her chest aches, a combination of the harsh tug at her heartstrings and the healing wound from their previous case.

“That much I do know.”

Sam grabs one of Olive’s hands and shakes his head at his older brother. “We don’t know that. Not for sure, Dean.”

“Kids…” Dean’s voice is weak. “You two, and Dad… you’re the most important people in my life. And now… I never should’ve come back, guys. It wasn’t natural. And now look what’s come of it.”

Olive begins to cry harder, and Sam’s eyes fill with tears.

“I was dead. And I should have stayed dead.”

Tears begin to fall down Dean’s cheeks. Sam is distraught, he doesn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know how to help. Olive is shaking. She knew this would be her burden to carry, but she never realized it would become Dean’s too.

“You guys wanted to know how I was feeling. Well, that’s it.”

Sam nods, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks.

“So tell me. What could you two possibly say to make that alright?” Dean looks their way.

Sam falters, looks down. Dean looks back away, and Olive’s heart begins to ache. She looks up at her big brother, and barrels straight into him. She throws her arms around his neck and he steadies himself, expecting her to put all her weight on him. She doesn’t. She holds him, and gently pulls him forward. He lets himself be held, then slowly drops his head into her neck. He begins to shake, and she squeezes him tighter.

She can’t say anything to make it right. She knows that.

All she can do is hold him and hope he knows how much they need him.

Because if he can realize that, then it’s enough.

Previous Ep: Bloodlust (2.03)

Next Ep: Simon Said (2.05)

[summerseachild]

Summersea’s GoT Season 4 Rewatch 2019

Otherwise known as: “The Long Slow Slide to D and D Running Out of Material from the Books”

4x01: 

1. The visuals of Ice getting melted down are SO PRETTY (while RoC plays on the background 😎 living my best Lannister Life over here.)

2. Jaime getting the sword and trying NOT to be Lord of Casterly Rock and HOLY SHIT TELLING TYWIN NO and getting away with it.

3. Tyrion is trying so hard to greet the Dornish politely... poor guy.

4. It’s pride month so I’m just pointing out that Oberyn is soooo biiiii and This Bi Girl loves him. And him playing with the flame and Ellaria trying to stop him from killing the Lannister who insulted him... I just love their dynamic.

5. Drogon is just a big happy dragon-Cat and in Dany’s first appearance of this season. He PURRS.

6. I love Jaime and Cersei’s scene with Jaime’s new hand. They snipe at each other, but it is SO how they interact.

7. Jon and Sansa reacting to Robb’s death :(

8. GUESS WHO DID NOT MISS JANOS SLYNT OR ALLISER THORNE AT ALL THATS RIGHT MEEEE. Also Alliser is Peter Knox in a Discovery of Witches so I just HATE HIS FACE.

9. TREAT THAT BOOK MORE CAREFULLY JOFFREY YOU LITTLE SHIT and treat your uncle more nicely too. Jaime looks a little taken aback at what a little turd his oldest has become, but handles it well I think.

10. Jaime and Brienne trying to sort out how to keep his vow to Catelyn 🤣

11. YES ARYA GET NEEDLE BACK. Also Sandor being like NO CHILD COME BACK HERE DO NOT RUSH INTO DANGER WITHOUT ME is precious.

12. Sandor Clegane saying FUCK THE KING gives me such satisfaction

13. I should not be so happy about Arya re-enacting the time when Polliver

14. But I am happy that Sandor got his chickens

4x02

1. So I had forgotten that the girls who were in the scene where Theon gets cut are Myranda and the girl Ramsay is hunting later. I remembered how much I hate the Myranda thing real quick, though.

2. I love Tyrion being understanding of Jaime’s disability because HE WOULD BE. Also Tyrion pouring wine on the table to be like “look spilling is no big deal” is PRECIOUS.

3. Bronn knocking Jaime around while sparring is a great source of joy to me.

4. Theon finds out that Robb is dead when he’s got a RAZOR TO RAMSAY’S THROAT I can’t with Alfie’s face.

5. Every time I see Joffrey chop that book in half I want the purple wedding to be right now.

6. Tyrion trying to make Shae leave :...(

7. KEEP AWAY FROM SHIREEN, RED WOMAN, said Davos probably a lot

8. Question: why don’t the direwolves being food BACK to the hungry humans? Especially when Bran can warg into them?

9. So I want to go through every frame of that vision Bran has with the weirwood because the one we haven’t seen before is a Dragons over King’s Landing. Those ARE THE ROOFS YOU SEE IN THE NEXT SHOT FOR THE WEDDING.

10. Haha oh right this IS the purple wedding ep ooops I’d almost forgot. Not sorry for wishing death on Joffrey but sorry for Cersei’s sake and everyone else it fucks over.

11. Loras having eye sex with Oberyn cracks me up I mean they both have eyes and good gaydar... (bi-dar? queer-dar?)

12. Is Margaery... flirting with Brienne? Or is that just Margaery’s personality?

13. JAIME’S FACE when he sees Brienne and Cersei talking is SO FUNNY he’s like shit shit shit DANGER

14. What did Qyburn DO for Cersei that she is recommending to other women? She told him symptoms were gone in a previous ep in a weird mysterious way... did he help her end a pregnancy?? How long has it BEEN since Blackwater? This never comes back again but I’m super curious. 

15. Oberyn has zero chill around Tywin and I love it.

16. Margaery looking like she is is going to murder someone during the war of the five Kings show is A Mood. (I mean... there IS about to be a murder.)

17. I don’t think the Tyrells planned it but Joffrey being a shit and making Tyrion touch his wine goblet and SANSA TOUCHING IT TOO played right into their hands.

4x03: oh brother here comes altar sex

1. I want very much for Hector Barbossa to be waiting at the top of that ladder for Sansa after approaching the ship and the creepy fog. But no it’s Petyr Baelish. Ew.

2. Hello new Tommen! Good to see you again after Karstark killed your identical cousin! Also Tywin being like GOOD KINGS ARE SMART AND LISTEN TO THEIR SMART ADVISORS. (That moment when a sitting US president needs to listen to Tywin. Scary?)

3. Altar sex has not aged well for me. I’m not a J/C shipper who thinks they’ve got a healthy relationship that’s all sunshine and kitties. I know the two of them have a messed up dynamic, but this scene misses the mark in so many ways and I hate it. I wish they would have left it out rather than done it wrong. (Also I think it was a tryout for me for “can you get a valonqar scene right?” And the answer was a resounding NO.)

4. Speaking of healthy relationships though Sam and Gilly are cute and sweet and awkward and everything that is good and pure in this world.

5. And so is Davos telling Shireen about his smuggling adventures.

6. Oberyn sat his beautiful self right in the middle of the Kinsey scale and said THE VIEW IS GREAT HERE. What an icon. Also offering Tywin fricking Lannister a seat on the bed where you were just having sex with like FOUR DIFFERENT PEOPLE was A Move.

7. Tywin TELLS OBERYN ABOUT DANY and Oberyn looks like this is the first he’s heard of it.

8. Tyrion saying goodbye to Pod gave me a decent sized lump in my throat.

9. Daario taking down the Champion Of Meereen with one thrown dagger and one slash of a sword is sexy as fuck and I don’t care who knows I think so.

4x04

1. Missandei teaching Grey Worm and just hanging out with him is so important to me this time around.

2. Jaime and Bronn are weird friends and I kind of love it.

3. The Kingslayer Brothers: coming soon to a stage near you. I’d buy that band’s shirt.

4. Olenna Tyrell is a STONE COLD LADY and I love that about her. She protected her granddaughter and I respect that.

5. That is A LOT OF WINE IN THAT GLASS Cersei my love. Also Jaime TRYING to convince her Tyrion didn’t do it hurts me. He loves them both so much, but they all hurt each other.

6. Ser Pounce is a big fluff like my Freya!

7. OATHKEEPER AND THE WHITE BOOK AND THE ARMOR. Brienne’s face is so pure when he gives it to her.

8. I had near forgotten all of this stuff at the wall with Olly and Jon and the cannibals and the mutineers at Craster’s and waiting for Mance’s army. (We know where my heart is though, don’t we...)

9. SIT DOWN LOCKE. I forgot that human shitstain showed up at the wall looking for Bran.

10. We didn’t need the mutineer plot. What did it add? What did we learn about the world or its people? Nothing we didn’t already know. What. Was. The. Point. We’d already seen the walkers and knew about the babies, we knew the world was violent and classist. WE KNEW.

11. I love when Summer is like HELLO BROTHER GHOST OH NO A TRAP

12. The white walker riding across the frozen lake... what a gorgeous image, and the ice henge...

13. WHAT DO THE BLUE EYED ICE BABIES GROW UP TO BEEEEE DO WE EVEN KNOW

4x05

1. I’d say long live King Tommen, but I’d cry.

2. Cersei is beauty she is grace she wants to punch Margaery in the face. (But actually is acting like she might need Margaery to help Tommen? That scene was hard to read.)

3. Meereen has a lot of cool geometrical carvings.

4. Dany thinking about what kind of ruler she wants to be and what responsibilities she has to the people she freed? THAT IS WHO SHE IS, D AND D YOU DICKS.

5. Sansa’s like “greeeeeaaaaat another creepy little kid” when she meets Robin.

6. And Lysa lets it ALL OUT about what Petyr has had her do... wow.

7. Cersei is going along with the Tyrell marriages way too easily what is her game.

8. Tywin is... almost treating his daughter like someone he can trust and have a conversation with? What is this?

9. And then there’s the stupidity about the mines running out. Wtf.

10. Arya is a little drama queen with saying the Hound’s name last while HE WAS LISTENING.

11. Lysa is SO DAMAGED. Poor Sansa.

12. Aw Brienne you don’t know what a loyal kid you’ve got in Podrick give him a chance.

13. Arya practicing water dancing is so cool.

14. Cersei and Oberyn talking is actually really interesting. And they talk about Myrcella :....( and Oberyn is TELLING THE TRUTH about her being happy.

15. Cersei got her A BOAT for her birthday because she LIKES THE OPEN WATER I had forgotten that and I am freaking out for fic reasons because of fics I haven’t written yet that involve Myrcella being good at boats.

16. Geez Pod I don’t know how to skin a rabbit but I know you need to before you cook it. And... does Brienne actually need help with that armor, or does she realize Pod needs to feel useful? I’m going with the second.

17. I had forgotten how creepy Jojen’s visions were.

18. Bran warging into Hodor and killing Locke is... problematic, but Bran had every reason to think Locke was going to kill him. Good fucking riddance.

19. Jon being happy to see Ghost XD

20. So... there’s just a troop of Crasters daughters out there still? Idek.

4x06 the laws of gods and men (and by men we mean Tywin)

1. Braavos is so pretty! I love her. I love her canals, I love the Titan, I love the domes, I just love her.

2. I remember when people lost their shit over Mark Gattis being in this episode. He is quite good here, and Davos is quite clever.

3. Salador’s joke about the red shirt is FUNNY and I’m not afraid to say so.

4. No one wants to see Ramsay having sex.

5. EVERYONE wants to see Yara giving a great speech.

6. She... ran from some dogs when she was burying her axe in dudes’ GUTS five seconds earlier? LAAAAAAME. Yes yes she also saw how fucked up in the head Theon was (more awards Alfie deserved and didn’t get), and she did want to lose any more people when he wasn’t willing to come but the way this was cut it reads like she was all OH NO DOGS which is the stupidest thing ever. 

7. NOOOO POOR GOATS. I get that dragons have to eat though...

8. I cannot believe Dany didn’t take the time to FIND OUT WHICH MEEREENESE WERE LESS TERRIBLE. They would have been fucking allies. BUT NO LET’S JUST CRUCIFY PEOPLE WITH NO IDEA OF THE NUANCES OF THE LOCAL SITUATION. What stupidity.

9. At least she’s trying to learn??? She’s so small on that throne in a huge room. What a great shot.

10. Oberyn is a bisexual who CANNOT SIT IN A CHAIR NORMALLY. I am not complaining.

11. I cannot see the scene of Jaime and Tyrion walking down into the courtroom for the trial without giggling at the memory of the outtake where they dance like dorks into the room and down the aisle.

12. Jaime looking at Tyrion like YOU ARE NOT HELPING YOURSELF is a mood.

13. How did they get the poison necklace? Didn’t Littlefinger throw it in the Blackwater FAR off shore? A bit AFTER he killed Dontos? How does Pycelle have it here? Maybe they washed up together? Maybe D and D forgot Petyr tossed it in the bay? WHO KNOWS???

14. Jaime trying to convince Tywin one last time and offering to leave the kingsguard in exchange for Tyrion HOLY SHIT I FORGOT HE DID THAT. Cersei never would have spoken to him again if he’d left her and married and gone back to the Rock and given Tywin what he wanted. Jaime KNEW he was screwing over a relationship that means SO MUCH TO HIM but it’s TYRION’S LIFE we’re talking about here. That’s how much he loves his little brother. 

15. Tywin is like DONE so fast Jaime barely gets the offer out lol

16. And it all would have worked if Shae hadn’t walked through those doors.

17. Do we know WHY Shae agreed to testify to this? What did Tywin offer her or threaten her with?

18. WHAT ARE YOU DOING LITTLE BRO WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS?! is Jaime’s face all the time this scene.

19. Tyrion’s “confession”is such a piece of acting wow Peter enjoy your Emmys.

4x07

1. Jeez Tyrion didn’t know Jaime COULDN’T save him. He had no idea that losing his hand had affected his abilities that badly. That... hurts.

2. Arya, Sandor, and the dying farmer is such a great scene... And Arya only killing that asshole only after Sandor learns his name for her so she knows the name of the man she’s killing.... A++ would watch again.

3. Everyone LISTEN TO JON he has seen things none of you have.

4. Tyrion finding out Bronn has been bought is so very upsetting but I love this scene.

5. But really though once Tywin named The Mountain champion, anyone who Tyrion asks to be his champion at this point he’s basically asking to die.

6. Dany’s like “well I guess fucking Daario isn’t going to cause a political disaster at least.”

7. I had forgotten how fascinating Selyse and Melisandre’s interactions are.

8. IS THAT SETTING UP BURNING SHIREEN FUCK THAT.

9. Dany is capable of nuanced thought when it comes to innocence and guilt of whole groups of people and WE JUST SAW IT with how Jorah changes her mind and I’m JUST SO ANGRY.

10. That is the only time we get the story of Sandor and the fire from his own mouth and I did not mean to be this moved.

11. Hot Pie talking about food (oh yeah and Arya) is so precious. And now I want steak and kidney pie. With gravy.

12. “Using honest feelings to do dishonest work is one of her greatest talents.” The truest thing Tyrion has ever said about Cersei.

13. What a great snow castle. Too bad Joffrey part 2 knocked it down.

14. Ew ew ew Petyr kissing Sansa is so skeevy and gross.

15. “A great deal might change between now and never” is a great line though.

16. I hate Petyr but it’s good he pushed Lysa out the Moon Door before she killed Sansa.

4x08

1. Jon and Co all reminding Sam that Gilly is a survivor is so great. Brotherhood at its best.

2. Missandei and Grey Worm are young people with old souls and their relationship is precious to me.

3. Alfie is SO GOOD at showing how deeply Ramsay has him under his control even when he’s alone with the Ironborn.

4. Petyr is part Braavosi? Fascinating.

5. Sansa TOLD the Lords of Vale who she was??? Her testimony is such a good bit of acting on Sansa’s part. It’s a lie hidden in a lot of truth, and she was QUICK to think it through and come up with it.

6. Jorah telling Dany about the pardon is a scene that breaks my heart. 💔 She is HARSH here but I love the full blown Targaryen on display.

7. Roose being like TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE like the Lion King cracks me up so hard.

8. I will never give Ramsay the Bolton name in anything I write as long as I am a fan of this show out of pure hatred. He is Ramsay Snow forever and always.

9. I remember I was so worried that they were going to have Petyr try to sexually assault Sansa. OH I WAS A SWEET SUMMER CHILD.

10. Arya laughing at the news of Lady Arryn’s Death is an immensely human reaction and I love that she just CANNOT STOP.

11. I know people hated that scene with Jaime and Tyrion talking about beetles but I have two takeaways: first, a septon tried to touch Jaime once???? Headcanon: Little Jaime looked that septon dead in the eye and said “my father wouldn’t like that” and it never happened again. The septon was summarily replaced. Second: Jaime has never thought about ANYTHING in his whole life as deeply as baby Tyrion thought about beetles.

12. Oberyn is so fun to watch fight and Jaime agrees with me.

13. You don’t need him to confess Oberyn really you don’t you GOT HIM my beautiful prince.

14. How did the Gods make their will known if BOTH champions killed each other dead, huh Tywin? (The Mountain is... less Dead?)

4x09

1. Sam mulling over the legalistic interpretation of their vows and Jon trying to explain what sex and love are like are both SO CUTE.

2. I love that everyone around that fire has heard the “Tormund fucked a bear” story and I’m kind of sorry Ygritte didn’t let him finish.

3. Maester Aemon revealing his Targaryen identity was lovely. Also Sam Cussing to get Gilly in the gate= AMAZING

4. Alliser Thorne ADMITTING HE WAS WRONG? I am dead of shock.

5. Sam and Pyp talking about fear and bravery is... so darling.

6. They have A GIANT RIDING A MAMMOTH and I will forgive a small amount of nonsense for giving me that image.

7. See Alliser looking at the horn blower like REALLY? IN THE FUCKING MIDDLE OF MY SPEECH? Before they realize it’s the horn at Castle Black is PRICELESS.

8. Speaking of which I may not like Alliser but he gives a good “let’s not die” speech.

9. Bless Grenn for getting Janos Slynt off the wall.

10. Pyp dying in Sam’s arms was not something I was ready for.

11. You’ve heard of horsepower... now get ready for MAMMOTH POWER (wildling used mammoth salesmen probably)

12. Sam remembering that being NICE to Olly when asking to go up the wall rather than just screaming at him is... telling.

13. Grenn is THE BEST KID AND I LOVE HIM

14. Ghost is going to EAT SOME WILDLINGS

15. Ygritte :...(

16. How is Tormund even ALIVE??? He’s like a frickin PIN CUSHION.

17. “They held the gate” is a line that will make me cry now. Grenn and co. Didn’t let that giant through :...(

3x10: back when D and D remembered the Children existed that one time

Also back when Jaime had a plan that didn’t end with ANY OF HIS FAMILY KILLING EACH OTHER BUT TYWIN ENDS UP DEAD ANYWAY WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS.

1. Jon deciding single-handedly that he’s going to KILL Mance Rayder. Boss move.

2. Oh FFS. Pull the stick out of your ass Stannis and let Mance be.

3. Qyburn is like “out of my way bitch I’m doing necromancy”

4. Cersei telling Tywin the truth to get out of Marrying Loras is... still... making my jaw drop and I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO DO IT. And there’s ACTUAL EMOTION on Tywin’s face and EVERYTHING SHE SAYS ABOUT PAYING SOME REAL FUCKING ATTENTION TO HIS FAMILY IS TRUE

5. Ah yes “Jaime writes his family’s dialogue” part one. I CHOOSE YOU OMG AND SEX IN THE LORD COMMANDER’S OFFICE I CANNOT BELIEVE WE GOT THAT. Even if I’m still on the fence about whether Jaime would be ok with doing it THERE I’m mostly on board because she JUST TOLD DAD THE TRUTH AND TOLD HIM HE WAS THE ONE SHE WANTED AND I DON’T KNOW WHO LET THE SHIPPERS WRITE THIS SCENE BUT YAY.

6. Dany is still learning all kinds of nuance... I feel like the year contract thing was an attempt to balance her need to be a liberator and the reality on the ground?

7. You are telling me that the Dany who was that upset at Drogon eating ONE child let him burn a WHOLE CITY? I call bullshit.

8. Also this is a CLASSIC example of “one sibling does something wrong and the other two get punished for it” poor Viserion and Rhaegal.

9. Maester Aemon knows how to give a mass eulogy.

10. MEANWHILE NORTH OF THE NORTH HI BRAN meet the hugest weirwood in Westeros AND SOME ICE ZOMBIES

11. POOR MEERA I FORGOT SHE HAD TO HELP JOJEN DIE

12. If the children can do that WHERE ARE THEY LATER

13. holy shit bloodraven is creepy

14. Arya and Brienne meeting :) so cute

15. And Sandor being like YOU ARE TOO NAIVE TO PROTECT HER is cute in its own way.

16. Wow Brienne and Sandor really knock the shit out of each other how are they still alive.

17. Sandor saying awful things to Arya to make it easier for her to kill him was tragic and you can see the desperation in his eyes even as he says the worst of it.

18. JAIME LANNISTER MAKES DECISIONS HE WILL REGRET LATER LIKE NOT GOING ALL OF THE WAY TO THE BOAT WITH TYRION

19. I Had forgotten how rough that last conversation between Tywin and Tyrion was and how devastating those performances are.

20. Varys being like oh fuck those bells I’m going too... prescient.

21. Love the music with Arya on the ship to Braavos!

[imherethephantom]

Against Company Policy: Chapter 2

Rating: E

Read Chapter 1 here

In Verdant, 10:21 P.M.

He stared at his drink, trying to block out the sounds around him. The booming music, the guy trying to hit on the girl a few seats down from him. He idly swirled the clear liquid around in the glass, lost in thought.

Opening a nightclub was originally his idea. Tommy was the first one he told- he knew that Laurel would have never approved- and he enthusiastically agreed. They both needed their fathers off their backs, and who knew the party scene better than Starling City’s richest and finest?

His father had just closed the steel factory, and Oliver thought it would have been a great location for a nightclub, even though it was in The Glades. It was just too good of an opportunity to pass up.

Was it shitty timing? Were there still rumors that the CEO just closed the factory so his son could turn it into his own successful business? Did Smoak explicitly express her feelings to his face, telling him he ruined the lives of fifteen hundred workers, not even giving them severance packages and pension? That was neither here nor there, and Oliver didn’t give a goddamn what other people - especially Smoak - thought of him.

The two best friends put their blood, sweat, and tears into running Verdant together. People from all over the country came to party with them, and they were getting steady revenue. Business was booming from day one, and they were living the dream. For about a year, Oliver thought he had finally found his calling.

Then the accident happened.

Oliver’s heart constricted. He shook his head and pinched his lips together, a mixture of guilt and anger clawing at his insides.

It was his fucking fault.

He had tried working without his best friend by his side, but he eventually had to turn Verdant over to nineteen year old Thea- much to their mother’s consternation. He ended up taking a place at QC as Head of the IT Department- much to their parent’s approval.

Over the past year, Oliver was pleasantly surprised to see that business was still booming, admittedly even more so with Thea at the helm. He would never admit it to his little sister, but she was a better club owner and manager than he and Tommy put together.

“Vodka isn’t one of those drinks you just stare at, you know.”

He raised his eyes, finding Thea on the other side of the bar, preparing what looked like to be a margarita. He frowned. “Why are you bartending on a Saturday night? Aren’t you supposed to be watching over everything?”

“Don’t change the subject, Ollie.” Thea sighed when he continued to stare at her. “If you really want to know, Roy was in the ER again. He tried to stop a little old lady’s purse from being stolen and things didn’t go his way. He’ll be fine. He’s home on strict bed rest.”

Oliver’s shoulders winced in sympathy as she poured the mixture into a glass. The poor kid always had to play the hero. It was ironic that he was saving someone’s purse from being stolen, considering he stole Thea’s the first time they met.

He watched as she placed the drink on a napkin and passed it to an attractive dark haired girl on his left. He gave the girl beside him a quick once over as she smiled and nodded, silently thanking Thea. Mentally debating if he should flirt with the girl or not, he decided against it. His sister might need his help.

Another night.

“Do you want me to cover for you? I can always jump in if you need me.” He offered.

“Thanks, but tonight isn’t anything I can’t handle.” She said before adding, “Plus, you’re pretty buzzed right now.” Thea got a rag and started wiping down a section of the bar where she was standing.

He looked away, giving her a noncommittal shrug, taking another sip of his vodka. Oliver returned his attention to her when she cleared her throat.

“Hey, you don’t usually go for the hard stuff right away...” Thea trailed off, rubbing at a stain on the edge of the table.

He frowned, not liking where this conversation was going. At all.

“Look, I’m just going to say this one time-”

“Thea-” He raised his voice, trying to talk over her but she continued.

“I just think... You’ve just been really lonely since...” The look she gave him was full of nothing but sympathy, and he paused, shaking his head. “Get yourself a girlfriend or someone to spend time with. You have to let someone in. Especially after-”

“Please, Thea.” His voice shook, a current of emotions welling inside him, and he rubbed his thumb against his index finger. He didn’t want to hear it. “Don’t.”

She studied him, worry clouding her features, but she had the good grace to switch topics. Almost seamlessly, she nodded and said, “Dad said you and your team did a good job on that presentation on Thursday with Wayne Enterprises. He said that you might have even been the hero QC needed...”

Oliver tensed his shoulders, but tried to make it look like a casual shrug. Did his father hear anything about him and Smoak? Did anyone hear anything, for that matter?

“How’s working with that Smoak girl? Is she still a pain in your ass?” Thea asked, but a flash of blonde hair caught his peripheral. Thea’s words instantly faded into the background.

“Hmm?” He didn’t know that she would be here. He didn’t always come to Verdant- as if he had a lot of free time to begin with- but he was surprised to see her here as well. His heart hammered in his chest hearing her voice drifting over to him. He leaned over, his curious eyes instantly finding her talking on the phone at the far end of the bar.

“...Yes, I am a nightclub, mom. I do have a life outside of work and watching Doctor Who reruns, you know.”

He raised an eyebrow in surprise. What a geek.

“Work has been...” She paused, brushing her hair from her face- if he was being honest, he almost didn’t recognize her without the ponytail, her free hand gesturing like she was searching for something to say before settling on the most mundane word possible. “...work.” Smoak sighed. “Work is work, okay? The past couple days have been-”

“Ollie?”

The past couple days have been what?

“Work has been... very interesting the past couple days.” He said absentmindedly, forgetting Thea’s question the second he laid eyes on Smoak. His focus shifted completely to the blonde in the too short gold dress. His head tilted, almost like he was seeing her in a different light.

He didn’t notice when Thea looked down the bar acknowledging the wave someone was giving her before looking back at him, rolling her eyes. His sister mumbled something under her breath that he couldn’t hear before she moved down the bar, ready to serve another customer.

He suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about what happened two nights ago. How he lost it. How he gave in at last.

“Harder! Please-”

Her nails dug into his shoulder as he buried his face into her neck, his lips pressing against her pulse point. He moved against her, her walls squeezing him so fucking perfectly, feeling like he was in heaven being wrapped up in her. He growled her name when she scratched at his back, surprised at how rough she was. He never would have known.

Ever since their little... fling? Moment of passion? It was like she was trying to rile him up. She would steadfastly avoid him altogether, or brush her ass against his front for the briefest microsecond as they got out of the tiny conference room. It was either one extreme or the other. Maybe she was still angry about the whole presentation thing, maybe she wasn’t, but all he knew was that he was getting pissed as hell with her.

He took another sip of his vodka, feeling the burn make its way down his throat as heat travelled through his body. Oliver frowned. What happened was her fucking fault to begin with. She should have tried to call, or text, or maybe visit him in his damn office to update him about whatever the hell was going on. She should have made a better effort to communicate with him.

Sharp eyes tracked her movements as she made her way to the dance floor, watching her hips move, her body looking sinful in that little gold dress of hers. He remembered what it was like to touch her, feeling her smooth skin against his fingertips. How she felt against him. Without thinking about it, he drained his glass and slammed it back down onto the bar, sliding off his seat and following her.

Like a moth to a flame.

As he got closer, pushing past a waitress carrying an array of color drinks, through the throng of hot, dancing bodies, he felt his body react in remembrance of what happened.

“Ol- Oh God... Yes! Yes, don’t stop...” He groaned when she dug a heel into his back, his pleasure spiking. Her moans, her gasps, caused by him... the way she let herself be vulnerable when he knew she hated him... it was erotic. He needed more.

His lip still ached in a form of a phantom pain from when she bit him. He licked his lips, imagining hers pressed against his again, wanting- no, needing- to taste her again.

Why did he find himself thinking of her during another boring meeting, forcing himself to not go to her office and fuck her again? How many times did he get his hopes up, then annoyed, when she didn’t show up at his office at the end of the day or during their lunch break?

He shouldn’t get his hopes up. He shouldn’t get annoyed. He shouldn’t find it cute when she would wrinkle her nose in disgust the second she’d catch a whiff of his black coffee. She was his employee, but he couldn’t seem to stay away.

The music changed as he approached her, a hip hop song with lyrics he couldn’t even begin to make sense of, but had a thundering beat he felt deep in his bones. Oliver took a second to marvel at her back. Her hair in loose waves, her toned legs, arms high above her head as she moved to the beat.

Suddenly she stopped, as if she could sense his eyes on her, but she didn’t turn around or glance over her shoulder.

He took the opportunity to step behind her and wrap one arm around her waist, the other around her chest, but he didn’t pull her against him.

Not yet.

She stiffened, like she recognized his touch. Oliver felt her chest move, her heart rate increasing as she breathed and leaned back the slightest amount. Taking that as permission, he made sure to continue swaying to the rhythm of the song, plastering his front against her back and burying his face in the side of her neck.

“Stop.” She commanded breathlessly against the hair above his ear, sending a slight shiver up his spine. He grit his teeth when she elbowed his stomach. He just tightened his hand against her side, the muscles on his arm flexing, groaning against the side of her neck. A thrill filled him when she grabbed the hand that was going down her stomach.

Did she even realize that he was holding most of her weight? That her hand was guiding his, their interlocked fingers moving down the supple skin of her thigh? That the other cupped the back of his neck, carding through the hair there? Without meaning to, he exhaled, molding his body against hers, pressing his slowly hardening dick against her ass, the thin dress leaving nothing to the imagination.

A hand slipped under her lacy black bra, cupping her breast, and he couldn’t help but stare completely mesmerized as her back bowed, her eyes screwed shut, her mouth open in a soundless moan.

It was a sight he knew he would never get tired of seeing.

His body burned, his hold on her tightening. Was she fighting the same thing he was? Of course she was. Smoak was smart. She was the smartest person he knew, and she was smart enough to know that they couldn’t sleep together. That what happened Thursday was just a one time thing. A moment of passion.

But...

A part of him was curious. He had to push her. If she kept on saying ‘no’, then he would know that doing this was wrong.

“You’ve been thinking about us, haven’t you?” He asked with a smirk on his lips.

“No,” She ground out, digging her nails into the back of his hand, halting his movements. “I haven’t.”

The more she denied him, the more he wanted her.

His fingers caught in the slit on the side of her dress, and he nudged them inside, groaning when he felt the smooth skin there.

Lust erupted inside him.

He chuckled darkly, delighting in the shiver that he felt travel up her spine. “You are a terrible liar.” He knew because he did the same thing. He had been lying to himself, but after Thursday night, he couldn’t lie anymore. Not to her.

“I’m not lying, you stupid bastard!” Smoak growled. “Get away from me.”

He didn’t.

“Do you own the dance floor, Queen?”

“I did.” He said, moving his lips up to the shell of her ear, and he could practically see her eyebrows knit together in confusion. “But now, my sister does.” He added with a smile, knowing he was making her head spin. “So that means, I still technically own the dance floor.”

She scoffed. “You are so...” Smoak made a noise of frustration, trying to rip herself out of his hold, but he twisted his arm around her.

A part of him wanted to know what her breaking point was, if she would act differently with him when they weren’t at work. Would she still act like she hated him or would she give in? “You fuckedyour boss, Smoak.”

She flinched, and he saw her shamefully close her eyes. He felt her heart beat faster against his palm, and he hid a smile against the crown of her head. “Why did you leave?” He asked.

“Why would I stay?” She retorted, gripping his hand tighter. “I have to actually work to keep my job.”

Unlike you.

He heard what she didn’t say. Loud and clear. The hand around her chest twitched, rough fingers brushing her breast. She breathed sharply, like she was trying not to fall under his spell again.

“You’ve never actually worked at anything. What you get is handed to you on a silver platter.” She hissed against his ear. “You have everything.”

He nearly drew back in shock. How dare she? She didn’t know him. She didn’t know what he’d been through, what he’d lost.

Thea was right. He was lonely.

And he just found the person to spend time with.

“I don’t have you.” He hissed, subconsciously tightening the hand on her thigh in a vice-like grip, his nails digging into her ribs. Oliver didn’t notice her moving until it was too late.

Pain erupted in his foot, causing him to let her go, barely holding back a shout through clenched teeth. He fought the urge to rip off his shoe right there in the middle of the dancing crowd. Instead, he let the pain fuel him as he glared at her. “What the hell, Smoak?”

Her eyes were on fire, the lights of the club casting a glow that somehow enhanced her gorgeous features even more. The music returned, and he almost couldn’t hear her over the pounding bass and conversation pulsing around them.

“Fuck you.” She swiftly turned around, and he reached for her in a futile attempt to pull her back, but she twisted her wrist free.

No. Why was she denying what she felt? He limped his way behind her, catching up to her when she got to a hallway in the back of the club. He didn’t know her, but he knew that she wanted this. Wanted him.

He cornered her, ignoring her, “You fucking asshole! How many times do I have to tell you to stop-” as he pinned her against the door that led to the basement, his knee between her legs, his dick hardening against her stomach, much like he did two nights ago.

“Quiet.” He hissed, and she fell silent.

She was breathing harshly, her eyes never leaving his, her arms straining against his hold as she tried to get free. There was enough light for him to see her slightly rosy cheeks from dancing- or was it desire? Her eyes became unfocused, her red lips parted, no doubt remembering the same thing he was. Her eyes widened, and she leveled him with the same glare she gave him when she exited the elevator.

He loved seeing that spark in her eyes. It was the same glare she would give him when he would say something that she didn’t agree with, the same look he ignored when someone said he ran an efficient team.

He had her right where he wanted her.

But he didn’t want her. He knew that pursuing her was wrong - that going after her, fucking her was wrong.

And yet... he didn’t want to stop.

“Tell me to stop, and I will.”

She froze.

Oliver waited. He could see the war behind her eyes, he could hear the thoughts running through her head. She was overthinking this, but she didn’t have to if she just gave in. She intrigued him. She hated him. He hated her. They both wanted to fuck each other.

If she told him to stop right now, now that he was giving her the choice for him to continue, then he would. He wouldn’t push her anymore. He would walk away.

“Tell me to stop, Felicity.”

She stared at him for what seemed like an eternity. Her eyes were unreadable behind her glasses. He had no idea what she was going to do, and for some reason that excited him more than it should.

Felicity cupped his face between her hands and crashed her lips against his. He wrapped his arms around her as he responded, deepening the kiss. He couldn’t help it; he pressed himself against her. She moaned, fisting her hands in his dress shirt. He pulled away when the need for oxygen became too much, resting his forehead against hers.

“I can’t believe how much I...” He whispered raggedly, scraping his stubble against her jaw, his lips trailing down her neck. He needed to see her come again. His hand moved between them, inching upwards along the inside of her thigh.

“Yes… Please...” She dragged her nails down his back, and he hissed, his pants tightening to the point of pain when his fingers grazed her... her thong.

She was soaked.

Fuck. He bowed his head, his eyes slipping down her body to where her dress was bunched at her hips. His fingers traced along the length of her with the need to fuck her, to taste her, to be buried inside her, to feel her come around him.

No he didn’t.

He didn’t need her.

A hand clutched at his forearm, and she whined low in her chest before pleading, “Don’t…”

“Don’t what?” He pulled away to look at her flushed face, the lights giving him just enough brightness to see her parted lips, her blue eyes overcome with pure lust.

For him.

“Tell me, Smoak.”

“Don’t stop…” She whimpered, a crease forming between her eyebrows, like she was forcing herself to say it. “Please...”

His hand stayed still between her legs, and he smirked when he caught a flash of anger light up her eyes, her grip on his arm tightening, digging her nails in. “Tell me exactly what you want.” He commanded, his voice low.

“Don’t stop touching me…” Her voice was hoarse, he could tell she was trying to find the words as she begged. “I... Fuck me...”

“Felicity...” His body hardened as he pushed her thong to the side, thrusting two fingers inside her, and she cried out, her hands sliding up to his shoulders. He focused on her, ignoring the music filtering from the main room, ignoring the people just feet from them outside of the hallway, ignoring his own unreleased pleasure.

“Yes... Just like that...” She rotated her hips, her eyes fluttering shut as she bowed her head, lost in the pleasure he was giving her.

His fingers slid to the back of her head, gripping her hair and forcing her head upright as he continued to move, not caring if he was hurting her. She gave him a ragged gasp with the movement, begging for more. Her hands gripped him tighter, pulling him towards her for another desperate kiss that took his breath away.

Oliver pulled back just enough so he could see her face. His eyes greedily drank her in as he continued to fuck her. “Ride my fingers, Felicity.”

“Please, don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t...” She was driven by pure need. He could see it in every inch of her. In the way she pressed her chest against his, in her gasping breaths as he added another finger, digging her nails in the back of his neck so hard his jaw clenched at the shards of pain. “Oliver, Oliver...”

He had the slightest taste of her two nights ago, and now he wanted everything she gave, showing him a side of her he didn’t want anyone else to see. His other hand slid to her neck and tilted her head up to look at him in a move that was unyielding. He didn’t care about anything except giving her that release she craved. He shifted his fingers that were still inside her, rubbing her clit with the palm of his hand, and she jerked against him.

“Oh- Oli... Yes! Don’t stop!” Felicity cried out, fighting to keep her eyes open, and his need for her grew, his cock twitching in his pants, but he ignored it.

This is what he wanted. He controlled her.

Something dark, something ugly filled him, and a part of him knew that he shouldn’t like it. He shouldn’t like feeling in control- finally having her listen to him. He shouldn’t like feeling the soft curves of her body pressed against his muscular one. He shouldn’t like hearing her moans as he brought her higher. He shouldn’t like the feeling that he sought out his employee, that he wanted to bury himself inside her.

But he did.

One of her hands blindly grabbed the wrist that was between her legs and pushed him even closer, thrusting down against his fingers, and fuck that was the most erotic thing he’d ever seen. “Yes... Faster! I’m so-”

He groaned, unable to look away. He didn’t want to look away. Fire burned along his veins as he watched her lose herself, as he watched her forget about everything except him.

She was more intoxicating than the vodka.

“God, Smoak.” Her walls were completely down, and she was gone, so far gone he was sure that she would do anything he told her in that glorious second as long as he didn’t stop moving. “Say my name.”

Her eyes slammed shut, and she threw her head back against the wall, exposing the beautiful column of her neck to his hungry eyes. Her mouth silently formed his name, like she was testing it, before it became louder, leaving her lips between uneven pants. “Oli... Oliver, Oliver! Oliver!”

He sped up every time, a part of him loving the way she said his first name. He added another finger, ignoring the burn in his arm with his movements, ignoring the ache when she nearly ripped the hair at the back of his neck. He was so focused on her that he didn’t realize that he was the one who was listening to her, that he was doing what she begged him to do. He fought back a wince when her nails scratched at his neck, her hips meeting his hand thrust for thrust. “Come for me, Felicity...”

“Yes! Yes! I’m... I’m...” He moved even faster, ignoring the burn in his forearm, and he could see her body tighten before she cried, “Ahh! I’m com-”

She came, his name a shout on her lips that he could have sworn echoed out into the hallway, her back arching off the wall, her orgasm drenching his hand as he continued to move, her walls pulsing around his fingers.

“Oh...” She sank against him, her entire body trembling as she breathed his name, her hips slowing. As she caught her breath he pulled out of her, and she whimpered, resting her head in the crook of his neck.

He moved to hold her up, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, neither of them caring that he was smearing her wetness on her dress.

Oliver suddenly held her chin with wet fingers, tilting her head up, bringing her lips to his in a brutal kiss, and she responded just as hard. He moaned against her lips, the distinct smell of her assaulting his senses, his knees nearly buckling.

He pulled away to whisper against her cheek, “You’re usually so put together.”

Smoak made a small noise in response. She looked like she didn’t hear what he was saying, but he didn’t care. The need to be inside her was unbearable. His hands drifted down to her ass, her breath hitching. He pulled her dress up her hips and pushed her soaked thong down her slick inner thighs. He didn’t care that he was exposing her in a dark hallway. He didn’t care that they were in public.

“Look at you now…” Oliver continued, shaking his head in amazement as he moved to unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants, needing to bury himself inside her again. “You let me fuck you in public, Smoak.”

Suddenly, the back of her head hit the wall with a sharp thud. He looked up from where he was about to yank his boxers down and saw her face contorted in pain.

“I...” She groaned, her eyes screwed shut before she hissed out a breath, her grip changing from clutching his shirt in tight fists to pushing them flat against his chest. “What am I doing?” She breathed in shock. Her wide eyes met his confused ones.

A shot of worry filled him, a hand instinctively moving to cradle the back of her head before remembering that he shouldn’t care about her.

He did not care. Not about her. She had been a pain in his ass ever since the second they met. They fought more often than not, and she challenged him more times than he could count, sometimes not listening to what he told her to do. She talked back, she went over his head, and didn’t give a goddamn about anything he did or said.

His own hatred came crashing through him, piercing through his desire. Why did she have to ruin everything?

He didn’t care.

He viciously grabbed her hair instead, keeping her head still as he pressed her back flat against the door, moving to shove his boxers down. He was unexpectedly shoved backwards, nearly stumbling into the opposite wall. Oliver stared at her in shock when she pulled up her thong and let her dress fall back down. “Felicity, what-”

“Don’t.” She said in a weak voice, brushing her hair behind her ear. Her eyes flickered down to his tented boxers before she averted her gaze, like she was embarrassed. She moved to walk around him.

What the fuck?

Anger had him back on her in a second. But this time, she fought him. They were a frenzy of movement.

“No!” She tried pushing him aside, but he grabbed one of her wrists, and her other hand rammed into his cheek, something in his neck tweaking with the sharp angle.

“Ouch!” Oliver clenched his jaw when her nails bit into the skin dangerously close to his eye, before grabbing that hand too. “Goddammit, Smoak-”

“Get off!”

He pressed her wrists against the wall, his legs encasing hers, giving her no leverage.

Trapping her.

They were breathing heavily, and he could feel her pulse racing underneath his fingers, the rise and fall of her chest, her legs struggling to move.

Smoak looked up at him, trepidation on her features. He leaned closer, his hard-on pressing against her lower stomach, and she gasped, twisting her head to the side. “No!”

Oliver ignored her, letting go of one of her wrists and forcefully grabbing her chin and turning her head to face him.

She spat in his face.

He jerked away, letting her go, and he could feel her slip out of his grasp. He wiped at his face with a snarl. “You fucking-”

“Stop it, Oliver!”

He did. And for the longest time, he wouldn’t know why. He looked at her flushed cheeks, her heaving chest, her blazing blue eyes suddenly holding him captive. Anger, confusion, and lust blended together in a combination that had him frozen to the spot. “Felicity...”

She twisted herself out of his grasp.

“Don't follow me!”

[hismissharley13]

Blue Eyes, Cigarettes and Whiskey Chapter 8

One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven

You wash at your vanity, tracing the slight bruises at the base of your neckline, a slight blush forming as you think of the lips that left them.  Sighing, you dress conservatively knowing you have to go to the bakery today.  You hated going there without Alfie, but you wanted to get the information prepared before he met you.

           Walking through the large double doors, you cringe as they announce your arrival with a clang.  You close your eyes as you walk through the rows of barrels, forcing yourself not to run. There were a couple of Alfie’s men who you liked, but on the whole you thought his workforce were animals.  Especially your cousin, the prize fighter.  He was more obnoxious than the others put together. You always found things to do in the office when Alfie attended to his boxing interests, that’s how you had become so involved in the business.  By proving that you could be trusted, Alfie started trusting you with more.  Now you knew almost as much as he did.  He was happy to leave you to work, knowing you would always negotiate the best deals.  Nobody seemed to be able to say no to you, hell, Alfie certainly couldn’t!

           Lost in your thoughts, you had dropped your guard slightly.  You jump as a gravelly voice speaks in your ear, making your skin crawl,

“Kept me waitin’ dincha?” you fully intend to hurry on to the office.  Too late, though, your reactions betray you and you stop dead in your tracks. Cursing yourself internally, you feel a pair of arms snake round your waist.  An unshaven chin grazes your jaw and the stench of stale beer and sweat hits you in a wave of revulsion.  Swallowing the bile threatening to rise in your throat, you force politeness,

“Morning Jack, If you’ll excuse me, I really need to get on,” you make to twist out of his grip but his arms tighten into a steel band.

“Runnin’ off so soon?” he purrs

“Alfie’s expecting me, please let me go,” Jack chuckles at your request,

“Ahh, boss man ain’t here til later, so while the cat’s away…” he plants a wet kiss on your cheek.

“Get the fuck off me,” you snarl.

“Wooo, got a temper ‘ave we?”

“Not as much as I ‘ave, get your fuckin’ filthy paws off my niece, you fuckin’ shit eatin’ animal! I should fucking shoot you where you stand, mate!” Alfie’s voice booms as he grabs Jack by the collar, dangling him almost a full foot off the ground.  You readjust your clothing and step into Ollie’s outstretched arms.

“In my ‘ouse? My niece? WELL?” Alfie demands.

“Whassamatter boss man?  Scared you won’t measure up?” Jack retorts

Alfie sneers, you notice a chilling change in his voice, “Well, mate,” he says softly, “if that were actually the case, if I really were as fuckin’ depraved as you,” he looks pointedly at Jack’s crotch, “It’s not exactly a lot to measure up to now, is it dear?”

“So who else you wrappin’ those legs around then, (Y/N)? Gotta be someone,” Jack hollers after you as Ollie steers you towards the office. A sickening crunch behind you renders Jack mute.  You figure he’ll be lucky to get out of this alive.

           Ollie hands you a glass of rum and sits next to you on the sofa.

“So who’s the guy?” he asks conversationally.  You snort into your glass in surprise,

“What guy?”

“Come off it (Y/N), we know eachother too well for this, you definitely didn’t have two nights worth of work, so somebody kept you,”

           Of course, he was right.  You and Ollie had practically grown up together, best of friends who told eachother everything.  You had even been eachother’s clumsy first kiss-much to Alfie’s amusement.  When your uncle had walked in on you, Ollie had been terrified for his life, but Alfie just chortled, “Ay come on, workplace this, innit,” Alfie had later asked you if it was anything serious.  You had told him no but you loved Ollie anyway and he you.  You were the one who comforted Ollie when his mother had fallen ill and passed away, patched him up after the beating from his drunk father and various fights he inevitably got himself into.  You had no secrets from eachother.  Sighing, you look down at your glass.

“(Y/N)?” Ollie places his hand on yours, “tell me what happened,”

“Ollie, I think I love him,” you whisper,

“Who, love?” You glance nervously at the door, but Alfie is still busy dealing with Jack.

“Tommy, Tommy Shelby,” you breathe, looking wide eyed into Ollie’s warm, brown gaze.  He grins at your unexpectedly,

“Seriously? The guy you didn’t know to fall over three days ago?” he snickers

“Ollie, I mean it.  I’ve never felt like this before.  Look at me and tell me I’m joking,” you implore.

The smirk falls from his face as he sees the sincerity in yours.

“Fuck me, you ain’t, are ya? Well, he must be special,”

“He is Ollie, he was my first.  I was attacked, on my way to meet them.  I was grabbed and dragged into a warehouse.   The guy’s hands were all over me, it was horrible.  Tommy’s brother John interrupted.  Tommy took me home that night,” like aloe on a burn, telling your best friend was like a balm to your painful memories.  You pour your heart out, unable to stop now that the flood gates are opened.

“So what happens now?” Ollie asks.

“Now some poor fucker’s gonna have ter mop that son of a bitch up and I’ll have ter find a reaplcement.  I do fink ‘e may’ve understood the error of ‘is ways now though,” Alfie saves you from the question that has been haunting you for the past 24 hours.

“You alright, my dear?” Alfie asks you tenderly,

“Yeah, Uncle Alf, I’m OK,” you say with a watery smile.

“’s long as you are,” he says with a searching gaze, “cos you’d tell me if there was somefink to worry about, wouldn’cha?”

“Course I would,” you assure him.  Alfie definitely didn’t need to worry about your recent experiences.

“Ollie, go an fetch some lunch, lad.  And some cake.  Cake always improves the day,”

Ollie gives your hand a squeeze and heads out.  Alfie casually wipes the blood from his knuckles as he looks over to you,

“So, how was your time away?”

“Yeah, it was good, I enjoyed it,”

“Didja now, see, I saw a look in your eye when I visited. That look made me wonder what kind of deal you made with Tommy Shelby,” your eyes widen at this accusation.

“I didn’t make any deal with Tommy Shelby,”

“You were in ‘is ‘ouse,”

“Because I needed somewhere to stay!” you begin to get exasperated-Alfie never normally takes such an interest.

“That ‘ad better be the only reason,” he grumbles, scowling. You hate when he is in this mood, rolling your eyes as he huffs.  Snatching the papers from his desk, you drag a chair to your own and begin to work in silence.

Ollie returns shortly after, noticing the arctic chill in the air.

“Er, did I miss something?” he asks tentatively.

“Oh, just Alfie being an arse,” you reply.  Alfie snorts.

“I, er, got a carrot cake?” Ollie half asks, unsure of what else to say.

“Give it ‘ere lad, I’ll divvy it up,” Alfie holds his hand out and Ollie gives him the wrapped parcel, returning to your desk shortly after with a plate.

“Thanks love,” you mutter, pushing the cake aside.

“Oh, we goin’ on fuckin’ hunger strike an’ all now?”

“Funny enough, I’ve lost my appetite!” shoving your chair back, you throw your pen down, “I’m going home,” you announce.  Alfie looks up over his glasses, waving his arms in exasperation at Ollie as you walk out.  Ollie hovers at the door, torn between you both.

“Honestly, I ain’t got a clue what’s got into her today, bratty little cow! Fuckin’ women! Oh, don’t hang around like a bloody spare part, go after her if you want!”

Ollie dashes out before Alfie can change his mind.

           You stalk through the distillery and out into the rain.  Damn it, you realise too late that you have left your coat in the office.  You walk mindlessly down the roads, not feeling the rain soak through your clothes to your skin.  You seethe at the way Alfie had spoken to you-who did he think he was? How the hell were you going to arrange to see Tommy again if Alfie was so suspicious?  He certainly wasn’t going to let you go to Birmingham alone again.  Tears stream down your face, mingling with the cold rain.  Shaking the sodden tendrils of hair out of your eyes, you come to a stop at a park bench.  Figuring you couldn’t get any wetter, you sit.  A couple of short minutes later, somebody sits down next to you with a bump.  You scoot along the bench.

“Thank god for that, I thought you were never going to run out of steam,” Ollie pants as if he’s run a marathon.

“I nearly told him, I was so mad at him that I nearly told him!”

“He’s going to find out at some point,” Ollie points out.

“Yeah, but me screaming how Tommy Shelby fucked me every which way is not going to be the best way to bring him round to the idea,” you sigh wearily, “I suppose he’s pissed at me now,”

“He wasn’t in the best of moods,” Ollie confirms, “but he did say I could come and find you,”

“Still love you, Ollie, thanks,” he pulls you into a hug.

“Daft bugger. Course you love me, I’m awesome,” he gasps as you press your frozen fingers into his chest, under his jacket, “bloody hell (Y/N) you’re freezing!  Let’s get you home, yeah?” you nod in agreement.  A nice hot bath and a relaxing evening will hopefully straighten out your head.

--

           A knock on your door makes you drag your robe back onto your shoulders and tie the belt.  You cast a longing look at the steaming bath as you go to answer the door.  Of course.  No rest for the wicked it would seem.

“Look love, we need to straighten this out,”

“Alfie, I’m tired.  I’m cold.  I don’t want to argue and I’ve just filled the bath.  I just want to have my bath and go to bed.

“I ain’t come to argue.  Look, I-can I come in please?”

You open the door wider to allow him access.  He takes off his hat and stands fiddling with it awkwardly. Not his usual, confident demeanour, you notice.

“(Y/N), princess, you’re right.  I was acting like an arse.  It was just because I care about you.  I just don’t want you getting hurt, do I?”

“Alfie Solomons, is that an apology?” you ask, incredulous.

“Well, yeah, I suppose it probably is, innit?” he concedes.

“In that case, I accept your apology.  They don’t come along very often,”

“That’s ‘cos I don’t like lookin’ weak, do I?”

“Apologising for being an arse isn’t weak,” you curve an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, well, I’ve said it now.  D’ya reckon we could get through tomorrow without any tantrums?”

“As long as you don’t decide to throw one, yeah,” you counter. He purses his lips, then grins.

“Well, that’s that, then.  So, er, I’ll leave you in peace then, shall I? Yeah,” he glances at the bathtub.

Taking pity on the large, awkward man in your living room, you roll your eyes and throw your arms around his neck.  He grunts in surprise and returns your embrace.

“I love you Uncle Alfie, even when you’re being an arse,” you say warmly.

“Well, you already know I love you the world over, (Y/N), always will.  I just like to know you are safe,” he releases you and heads for the door.

“Goodnight, Alf,” you peck him on the cheek.

“See ya tomorra, queen,” he walks off and you close the door behind him and turn the key in the lock.

           Removing your robe, you saunter over to the tub and sink into the -mercifully still hot-water, allowing it to burn away the stresses of the day.

           As you wash the warm water over your limbs, you are struck with an idea.  You run your fingers along your collarbone and across your breasts.  You lay back and close your eyes, thinking about how Tommy’s hands had guided your own the previous day.

           Climbing out of the bath, you wrap a sheet around you.  Cheeks flushes from more than just the hot water, you pull on a nightgown and tumble into bed, sinking into a blissfully peaceful sleep.

[xmadamrosex]

Daily Head Canon #20

Free Day! Today is another fun list!

Note about this next week:

I will be doing Omegaverse. Last week I posted a Headcanon prompt list and said if I got at least 7 I would do a full week of Omegavese. You might even get some drabbles! These will all take place in the current Omegaverse I’m writing my two Omega stories in. So they will be considered canon for that world!

Yuri Plisetsky: International Heart Breaker (Complete)

And its sequel- Mended Hearts (On going)

But on to today’s List!!!

A drunken night at a Karaoke Bar… it quickly devolves into our favorite skaters singing their hearts out. It’s a shipper’s wet dream… 

(This one is a just skater and more story based style list. I do plan to do a more “personality” based one later.) There is also a link to a Youtube Playlist at the bottom if you want to have the full experience!

Victor: P!nk - Raise Your Glass. He starts the night off with a round of shots and turns into a complete party animal by the end of the song. He also is completely tone deaf, much to Yuuri’s heartbreak.

Yuuri: Britney Spears – Circus. He dances while he sings, and Victor drains of all color. Soon enough Yuuri is in Victor’s lap, preforming possibly the best lap dance in history. (At least according to Victor when he regales this story later.)

Yurio and Mila: 3OH!3 - STARSTRUKK (Feat. Katy Perry). They prove exactly how hot they are and a ‘poor’ Otabek gets placed in the middle of them as they take turns dancing on his lap. Much to the shock of the entire room.

Chris: Justin Timberlake – SexyBack. He ends up in a franticly giggling Phichit’s lap, much to Victor’s and Yuuri’s delight.

JJ: Michael Jackson - Beat It. He does a number of the iconic dance moves and it pisses Yuri off to no end how good he is. At this point he’s fed everyone drinks and had a number himself but isn’t even buzzed.

Leo and Gaung Hong: Grease- You're The One That I Want. The moment Gaung Hong says the words “Tell me about it… Stud” Leo loses it and they spend the song laughing more than singing. Gaung Hong tries his hardest to be sexy. Yuri falls off Otabek’s lap, Chris wolf whistles him, Seung Gil offers to give him lessons (Leo tells him to “back the fuck off”)

Phichit: Madonna - Material Girl. He tries to sing “The king and the Skater’, But Yuuri rips the controller from his hand and selects this. Phichit whines and sings the damn song while he glares at Yuuri.

Emil and Sara: Cobra Starship: Good Girls Go Bad. For the sole reason to piss off Michele. They play it up to all high hell, while laughing their ass off and Michele proceeds to drink himself silly.

Kenjrou: Olly Murs – Troublemaker. Out of his most reason break up with a Victoria Secret Model. (Who he will be back with by the end of the week. Something about his unhealthy admiration of a fellow skater.) The song lives more questions than answers for the group.

Seung-Gil: Adam Lambert - For Your Entertainment. He kills it and leaves everyone in the room shocked still and just star at him while he’s like “What?” and goes back to his fruity drink and flirting with the bartender.

Michele: The Cars - My Best Friend's Girl. He’s crying historically by the end of the song and the room is dead silent and simply blinking at him.

Georgi: Set It Off- Wolf in Sheep's Clothing. He’s not handling this break up with a sad broken heart (or it’s the 5 vodka shots he had with Victor) but he’s pissed. He had to be dragged off the stage as he starts a long monologue about how much his ex is a bitch.  

Otabek: Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger. After refusing to sing all night. He is barely standing after countless shots, given by JJ. It’s a wonderful display and Yuri has to pull him off the stage and feed him water.

Needless to say this entire night end up on Instagram and Phichit now has to give his phone to someone at the beginning of any outing from now on.

As promised! Here is the Playlist!

[hope-for-olicity]

My Thoughts Arrow 5x15 – Fighting Fire with Fire

I am angry, I’m upset, I’m shocked – I am FULL OF FEELS. I am repeating the “Bubble is strong” and “I know Olicity is endgame” - despite this episode providing the most doubts YET.  Curtis’ balls might be the ONLY THING I LIKED.

 I know that all of this is happening for a reason we don’t know but the writers really are trying to piss everyone off as much as possible before revealing.

The Ruining Susan Williams Career Thing

It is wrong to destroy someone’s career. End of sentence. It is.

 Did Thea do it to protect her brother – yes? Do we really dislike EWR – yes? So we are willing to overlook the indiscretion.

 But at the end of the day Thea and Felicity hacking EWR’s computer and destroying her career was wrong. EWR investigating the Mayor – technical not wrong – her tactics – definitely wrong.

 I can’t stand Susan and am happy to see her suffer. But I pretend that just because I enjoyed it was right.

 Which leads us to tonight. First Oliver asks Thea to fix it – I threw up a bit in my mouth and in true mini-Moria fashion she refused.

 And then I cannot believe I’m even typing this OLIVER WENT TO FELICITY FOR HELP WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND?! OMG OMG OMG – WTF WAS HE THINKING? THIS WAS THE MOST INSENITIVE THING I’VE EVER SEEN OLLIE DO – AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING! WTF????????

 As you can tell I feel strongly about this. Felicity looked shocked and hurt and OLIVER NOTICED NOTHING and pushed her to do it. Was he trying to break her???

 And then Felicity touched his arm and gave him words of encouragement and called him a hero.

 I’m here for the Olicity roller coaster. But anyone who was thinking of jumping off, probably did after this scene.

 As we found out in the last scene Felicity successfully got Susan’s job back. You could see why she might think Oliver is over her.

He was in a limo accident and CALLED SUSAN. He asked Susan to get back together. AFTER she complained to him for ruining her career so she COULDN’T EXPOSE HIM? Does Oliver have a hearing problem?!

I REALLY want Oliver to be playing Susan but right now too upset to care.

 I don’t think I’ll ever forgive the writers for this and I rarely blame the writers. But they better start explaining stuff and right the fuck now.

Thea Queen

 While she did go mini-Moria again tonight and I cheered her on. I was sad that she decided she needed to leave. The framing Billy idea was probably the giveaway or was it blackmailing a man whose wife committed suicide?

 My head cannon she is with Roy.

   Delicity and Felicity

 DIGGLE NOTICED something is off with Felicity!!! Better late than never. Love that she told him about Pandora. And that he didn’t confront her but chat and tell her that her super power is empathy. When she was fresh out – I literally cried. My poor Felicity.

 But she did tell Oliver what Thea’s plan was after Diggle’s truth tea. But the tea must have got warped as she joined Helix at the end of the episode. My poor girl is so lost.

  Prometheus and the Vigilante

 So Adrian Chase is Prometheus – way to go @almondblossomme for guessing right. I tip my hat to you!! I loved your spec when you wrote it so I’m glad to see it come to light.

 And yes I was rooting for Adrian to snap Susan’s neck in that last scene.

 Also did you see him set up Dinah to steal that red glass from Vigilante’s visor?

 Now who the hell is the Vigilante? I’m glad it’s not Adrian, hated that that seemed like a done deal. I honestly have no idea who the Vigilante is.

 Not ruling out Talia and Malcolm Merlyn still being involved.

 Have to say I didn’t expect that reveal tonight.

  Green Arrow Public Enemy #1

As mad as I am at Oliver and I don’t know if I’ve EVER been this mad. It broke my heart and I’m sure Felicity’s to hear him say what he did about the Green Arrow. Saying he’s not a hero but instead a public enemy.

  ODD AND BALLS

-       Loved Curtis’ balls! And the jokes. Sad that Paul wants a divorce but he was way to optimistic about that dinner.

-       Turned out Oliver didn’t get impeached but by the time that I didn’t care

-       No shirtless Oliver – but I’m too angry to care.

 I’m sorry my review is so negative.

Let me end with something nice. Felicity’s pink dress was fantastic!

@almondblossomme @mel-loves-all @emmaamelia95 @oliverfel4 @vaelisamaza @coal000 @tdgal1 @scu11y22 @somewhatinvisible @nalla-madness @stygian-omada-fan @laurabelle2930 @felicity-said–yes @spaztronautwriter @olicityandsteroline @miriam1779 @memcjo @captainolicitysbedroom @quant-um-fizzx @quiveringbunny @marytagus

[thehairypickle-plusone-blog]

And then at the end of the day it came apparent that you don't need to justify yourself in a world full of deception, false sense of security, and absurdity. You're sitting on the scale thinking you're Osama Bin Laden but really you're not. You look at yourself and you often hate the person staring back at you because life as you have ever known it has been about manipulation and lies. That's all you were taught. Aside all the good things you were taught you were also taught some very toxic and damaging things. You sought to heal pain in so many ways, sex, drugs, alcohol, toxic relationships. You walked a unique path. A rocky path, you paved away for relentless hours trying to make it smoother and better. However it would always crumble away like debris washing up on the shore. Your heart just broke. Then it broke 1000 times more and then you simply said. I cannot be broken anymore. I over share my life on social media. I have been ridiculed, threatened to stop it. Backed up against a wall and slammed for it. I won't stop. I won't stop because this is my journey. My world too not just yours. And if some poor being has to go through anything similar to what I've been through I want them to see stories like this and know. YOURE NOT ALONE, YOU ARE NOT THE DEVIL YOU ARE SIMPLY STARING INTO THE FIRES OF HELL BUT THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Anxiety is fucked. End of story really. The way in which it affects people from one person to another is also so uniquely different. Some can't breathe, get sweaty, hyperventilate, cry, burst in anger or frustration. Anxiety comes in all forms in all different strands of motion. The beginning of this is my self talk. My anxiety peaks when I'm a week out from my period. I will break down and be shaking going to put the groceries away because Ollies crying & it's too overwhelming this mess in front of me that needs fixing. Yes shopping becomes this huge mess and obstacle. Or anxiety about leaving the house. I can spend days at a time not going anywhere or too fearful to drive. Other times I'm like fuck anxiety I've got this so under control. Then something happens, someone says something or something goes wrong and I crumble. I play the situation or the words over and over in my head 1000000 times and still can't make sense of it and the pressure makes my head feel like it's going to burst. This I have learnt. Is normal. It's normal for people who battle with anxiety on the daily. It's also normal for people who don't have anxiety to have these moments too. Learning to understand acknowledge and work with not against my anxiety has been a huge ordeal. Originally I needed medication such as Valium & Seroquil to manage it. Then over time I weaned myself off the Valium. Came off the seroquil and took back some control over these panic attacks. In order for us to be fully functioning I'm a true believer in having your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing aligned. When part of that is out of shape the rest struggles to stand strong and support you. Allowing yourself to feel not what others tell or imply you should feel or do but listening to your heart, your inner self and going ok you know what? "Not today Satan". It's so not as easy as writing it like that all sounds. It takes medication sometimes to help with the initial calming of the peak of anxiety. Always always get a second opinion don't settle for being told a dead end road or limited resourced help. There is help out there, there are mental health plans, counselling, meditative therapies, pharmaceutical meds, there's never nothing. Mental health is strongly limited in its funding and accessibility through public health in Queensland. It's one of those things government still doesn't see the need for putting more funding into. Even though male suicides are at an all time high. 21 fathers a week commit suicide due to not being able to gain legal access to see their children and have their rights taken away from them. Yet where do they get to turn to when funding is so low, call centres can't answer the phone. Psychiatric units are full and under staffed to help out. Reach out always, always reach out. You are not alone, you are not a sociopathic psycho. You are you and you are allowed to have moments of weakness of struggle and difficulty with progression. Just know that you can pick up the phone true friends and family are always there. One of the best volunteer lines that runs strongly is lifelines helpline. One conversation can sometimes be the turn around. The escape you need to see the clarity of the situation. Our situations too often influence our different levels of anxiety. I know as a new mother my anxiety hit the roof. Being responsible for keeping another little human alive who is 100% dependant on you 24/7 with no instruction manual just mostly singing looking after this, precious as the finest cut diamond, screeching and painful as nails down a blackboard & more emotionally overwhelming than any love story you've ever seen. Also study, uni, exams, the pressure, the expectations. Work, being overworked. Not listening to your inner self. It's ok to get caught up to lose your breath. Just know this is not where the journey ends. Anxiety can be crippling for some and when people say "what are you so worried about? What's wrong?!" It's almost like you want to throw a meringue pie in their face. (But then you'd waste a really good pie and be more sad) it's as though you just want to scream "if I knew then I wouldn't be feeling like this!". It's complex it's not black and white. Hell if it was black and white we would have far less anxious ridden humans trotting around this planet earth. Change your self talk. It takes time. My inner self talk still puts me down, still lives so clung onto the past or fearful of the unknown, the future. I'm beginning to just try be "present". Being present is also a hard job. It's easy to be feet on the ground but spirit and soul flying way above and not connected with your being. Stay present, stay grounded, look at your loves, your achievements in life to this point, whether it be children, career, wellbeing. Absorb that goodness. And breathe and let go of the toxicity and the negative. I'm not saying this is the be all and end all of brilliant helpful tips but one thing I do when everything becomes overwhelming. I go to my fridge to get a glass of cold water and I stand and read the note on my fridge that reads "5 things I am grateful for". I just take time to reflect on each of those things and breathe. It's something small, doesn't always work especially if I'm pissed off or having a hard time with Ollie. Seeing "being Ollies Mummy" is sometimes like "ugh someone just take him for a second before my head explodes in this kitchen!". However it's good it sends those positive words through my head amongst the negative and most times succeeds in a more positive outcome. Unless there's beer then there's even more of a calming outcome whilst reading the 5 things..... kidding kind of not kidding, depends what day and time it is. So love and live loudly! Breathe and know you are so loved and so supported. Take time to step back. Give that negative inner self talk the arse. Be proactive. Treat others how you would like to be treated. We only get one shot at this crazy thing called life! So let's make it uniquely amazing no matter what our dark pasts or rocky paths in our journeys to this point. Stay wild. Xx