not being able to find older bf!simon around the house and while you’re looking for him, you catch something out the window-
nearly all the women in your neighbourhood gathered at the end of your driveway
you come outside to investigate only to find them with their attention glued to the front of your car, it’s not till you walk around the front you find the lower half of simon sticking out from under it
on his back, knees bent, massive boots planted into the concrete, bare arm occasionally stretching out to find another tool
“you alright, si?”
you hear him grunt before he’s calling out to you
“yeah, i’m right sweet’art- sortin’ out that bit thas’ been givin’ y’grief”
breaking your gaze from his massive thighs flexing under his jeans, you scan back over the crowd that’d formed
all of them married, all of them a good ten years older than even he was- you couldn’t really blame them really, you had eyes
you could hear him shuffling out from under the car before he suddenly straightened to full height, wiping greasy hands on the front of his old-white-singlet
he pulled up the bottom of it to swipe his forehead and you think you heard someone gasp
wrapping a firm arm around you, he gives your backside a pat before he kisses the top of your head
“got t’keep y’safe, y’know?”
“thank you, baby- now be polite and say hello to your audience”
oblivious as ever to anything other than you, simon threw a look over his shoulder before he followed you back into the house
“oh, ‘ello ladies”
(someone throws a street barbecue and you force simon to talk to the other men around the burner and multiple husbands request him to start “doing that shit” in the garage with the door shut, please)
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I love how people are like Jason Todd was a demon child and all the other robins were angels compared to him like lmao robin!Jason was a fucking delight what do you mean
Dick showed up at the manor with a blue stuffed animal elephant and the rage of 100 men and the only thing thats changed is that the elephant is grey now
Tim showed up with blackmail on the fucking Batman and bullied him into accepting him as robin
Damian popped up on the doorstep holding a fucking katanna
Meanwhile robin!jason was jumping from building to building squealing robin magic! and would spontaneously hug Batman. he loved reading shakepeare knowledge and literally screamed golly jee willickers as the highest curse word in his vocabulary.
Robin!Jason was a goddamned fucking delight and all the other ones were the little demon children lmaooo
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