#the mouth opening thing...
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Stuck in TWST without meds
and also they're yandere or something
@shironakuronatasa here you go pookie <3
Because everyone is different, I'm gonna be focusing on the meds I take and the things I experience! If you're inspired to write one of your own based on your types of meds, go for it! I'd love to see others' takes on this :3
I'm still writing in 2nd person, but you/mc is heavily based off of me!
(And if you still want a personalized one but don't want to write it, my commissions are open/hj)
Tw for one mention of suicidal ideation.
Imagine...
You don't quite have a clusterfuck of things going on in your head, but sometimes it can feel like it. Autism, Anxiety, depression, and ADD. Thankfully, you have access to medication, and they work well for you.
Although you can't keep the downward spiraling from the depression and anxiety away completely, it is far more manageable with your medication. You've found that when off them, you are far more prone to completely fall apart at even the slightest inconvenience. It feels like constant stormy waters, with stormclouds that only make the waves worse. But when on them, the storm disappears. Yes, the waves still get rocky and tip your boat from side to side, but you're emotionally stable enough to handle them.
Then the meds for your ADD. With them you have the razor sharp focus to not only take care of projects and work, but also to simply take care of yourself. When off of those, even simple tasks like taking out the trash can take hours, especially since you so easily forget steps, and will stop the chore in the middle, genuinely thinking it's complete.
But you have your meds, so you manage just fine.
Until you're sucked into Twisted Wonderland.
First of all, even if you had already taken the meds for anxiety/depression, there's not much they could do in the face of being transported and consequently trapped in a different dimension. But they do still help, and instead of bawling, you manage to keep a cool (enough) head and get yourself settled into Ramshackle.
But they don't last you long. They had built up in your system enough to last you a few days, but time and circumstances were not on your side.
Even though Grim is by no means an emotional support pet, and is by all means a little shit, he manages to push his pride aside when he can tell you really need it.
Especially the days where you wonder if death is what will bring you back home...
Grim will act as if he helps you for his own purposes, but he is genuinely there for you.
The others, however...
First of all, quite a few of them don't completely understand... you're extra sad and spacey, but you had some kind of magic to help with it back home, but you don't have them here, and without them you get... sad and spacey?
Riddle probably sees it as some pathetic excuse. It's not until after his overblot that his tune completely changes and he is giving you all the special treatment. Even if you mess up on purpose, even if it's something that really frustrates him, he'll justify it as you not knowing any better. Which is patronizing as hell.
Ace will use it to his advantage. Getting into trouble and having you take the brunt. And you play along with it, because, again, Riddle is treating you like an incompetent child, so you are all for raising Cain with Ace. What Ace really loves about this, though, is that it makes you more willing to hang out with him, and more likely to dislike Riddle.
I imagine Deuce has something going as well, though I don't quite know what, and neither does he. But he finds a kindred spirit in you. Study sessions with him are a MUST, and you share your different study and coping tactics, while he stares at your lovely face.
Trey relishes in caring for you. If you're having any kind of sudden increase in stress or sorrow, he is fucking there. He will scoop you up and take you to the kitchen and treat you with his home baked goodies right then and there. Same with your academics, if you need help with academics, it's to the kitchen for tutoring. And as bad as it is, he finds himself wishing you'd give in and lean on him completely.
Leona will also be there for you in depressive episodes. He sees how you always go to Grim when your upset, notices the little things that Grimm does that helps, and starts subtly using them whenever you're upset. Not even just if it's depression/anxiety related, if you're upset with him specifically he'll start purring in that low register that has your heart slowing. He'll rest his body on your chest as a weighted blanket. He'll let you pet him and comb through his hair. All until all you associate Leona with is safety and comfort–as you should from a mate.
Ruggie is SUCH a little meanie at first! Specifically regarding your ADD. Once he sees how much it genuinely upsets you, though, he'll back off. He does have a manipulative streak, though, and will use your anxiety against you. Any way he can get you to distrust others and seek him out is a good way.
Jack is one who does not fuckin understand at first, but once he does, he's supportive. He asks if there's anyway he can help and you offhandedly tell him about emotional support dogs, and he is locked on. He's embarrassed by it at first, of course, but he can tell how safe it makes you feel, and like Leona he is completely fucking for that. Though he won't just be emotional support, no, he'll be the guard dog chasing away anything that could possibly trigger you.
School is very difficult for you without your ADD meds. You can manage, but it is far more stressful and difficult than it needs to be. So, of course, you have those generously offering to help you–specifically Azul, who's more than willing to help... at a price, of course.
Floyd really likes when you daze off in class... When you're staring blankly, mind thinking about so many things except whatever the professor is droning on about. The way your eyes glaze over, the way you're so focused on whatever the fuck is going on in your head, the way your lips part ever so slightly... All your idle habits are endlessly entrancing to him. And, goes without saying, every single time you're especially depressed, he offers a good squeeze session.
Jade, the manipulative bastard, will purposely set you up for failure so that you feel like you need to go to him for help. Because lord knows Azul will make you pay for it, but not your good friend Jade. Plus, if you ever mention how hiking can help with mood, lord save your soul...
Jamil is such a DICK. He will be degrading you at every second, completely taking over whatever it is you try to do. Even if it has nothing to do with him. God, you remind him of Kalim, but at least you don't have the nerve to be so fucking happy all the time. A sick part of him likes when you're sad. You're less annoying when you're depressed, specifically, without little energy or motivation to do or be anything else. He'd happily take care of you then. He'll do whatever you need done. You'd probably do it wrong anyway.
Kalim feels so fucking seen and understood. He honestly felt like some kind of freak for so much of his life, but you... you're kinda like him! A lot sadder though. Your very existence brightens his life, so he's made it his mission to brighten yours. He also really can't stand it when you're with others. It's so obvious you two are meant for each other! He views your shared ADD symptoms as evidence of soulmateship.
Vil is another case of not fully understanding. You're making excuses. Until he takes it a bit too far, pushes even more than what you can handle, and you fully break down in front of him. You're so completely and utterly vulnerable in that moment. He doesn't know if it's a very dedicated manipulation tactic to get out of his nitpicking, but... he becomes a little more sympathetic with you. Vil recognizes that, for whatever reason, you do in fact seem to struggle more with certain things. And yet, despite that, you still try. You continue push yourself, even if what youre pushing towards is, by other people's standards, the norm/mediocrity/minimum. And in you he starts to see a bit of himself. Especially since, let's face it, with depression, anxiety, and add, it is very likely you relate more to Vil than you do Niege. He helps you, and in turn you help him, though you don't even realize it. Helping you be happier with yourself helps him be happy with himself. And he'll fucking slaughter anyone who takes you away from him.
Rook, like Vil, is easily able to recognize how much you not only struggle, but how much you try. And he finds that incredibly beautiful. Needless to say, he is often watching you. Everything you do is enchanting. He memorizes every. single. stim. and habit. Sometimes when you get frustrated, he just wants to scoop you up in his arms and shower you in kisses, but then you'd realize he broke into your room...
Epel will see how much you get pushed around, and takes it upon himself to defend you. He also sees a bit of himself in you. Sometimes he purposely waits around you, and at the first sign of trouble, he'll attack.
Sometimes you just get too fucking overstimulated and you need a break. And in those times, you've found Idia to be the best person to go to. You both started off pretty distant. You approached him, upset, and asked for a quiet place. You put in headphones and just laid down right there. The two of you just sat in silence, with headphones in, doing your own things, blocking out the world. And, oh, how Idia came to crave those moments. He began to depend on you for comfort, ans hoping that you would similarly come to depend on him. You're different from those other normies, you're the only one who gets him so please just stay with him! He will start to modify his room to be the perfect sensory room, the only place in the school you can go to fully regulate yourself. He starts going out with you, acting as if you're really helping him step out of his shell, when really he just wants to spend more time with you, and will continue to shy away from everyone else and hide behind you. This man desperately needs you to need him as desperately as he needs you.
You are so. Fucking. Cute. Malleus finds your every single quirk so fucking attractive. He doesnt like, however, seeing you so upset. So sad. And the kind of sad where he is helpless to help you. He also really doesn't like it when you're upset at yourself. Don't you realize you're perfect? And who cares if you're not good at any of the school stuff? Malleus doesn't. You don't need any of those skills anyway, with Malleus Draconia here to always take care of you.
if you want the rest of diasomnia or the secret character I subtly didn't include lmk
part two out now!!
#yes i’m referencing the eels mouth open thing again leave me alone#yandere#yandere rambles#yandere twst#yandere twisted wonderland#twst#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader#twisted wonderland#twst floyd#twst headcanons#yandere twst headcanons#yandere ace trappola#yandere deuce spade#yandere trey clover#yandere riddle rosehearts#yandere leona kingscholar#yandere jack howl#yandere ruggie bucchi#yandere azul x reader#yandere jade leech#yandere floyd leech#yandere kalim al asim#yandere jamil viper#yandere epel felmier#yandere rook hunt#yandere vil schoenheit#yandere idia shroud#yandere malleus draconia#yandere headcanons
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Some day we’ll both wake up for good, I will try hard not to scream.
#Oh sing sing sing#For the dying of the day!#Sing for the flames that will rip through here and the smoke that will carry us away#Sing for the damage we’ve done and the worse things that we’ll do#Open your mouth up and sing for me now#And I will sing for you#I will sing for you 😄#I HATE YHEM SO BAD#I HATE THEM I HATE THEM I HATW THEM#DO YOU THINK VRISKA HATED HOW QUIET HER HIVE WAS AFTER HER AND TEREZI STOPPED TALKING#DO YOU THINK IT QAS TOO EMPTY FOR HER#JUST HER AND HER THOUGHTS AND THE EVER PRESENT BUZZINF IN HER MIND OF THE BIG HUNGRY THING RIGHT OUTSIDE HER WINDOW#UGHHFFHFHHFHFFHHFGHF#homestuck#homestuck fanart#vriska serket#terezi pyrope#vrisrezi#vriska x terezi#They’re so Tallahassee the mountain goats coded#The album ever actually#I CANNOT stand them#at all#art#digital art#artists on tumblr#artwork#procreate#zack art
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Legit almost happened at work yesterday, why mouth form word not when want to but do when want not
#in fast and food#isat#siffrin isat#odile isat#in stars and time#kitscribbles#welcome to hell would you like your lord and savior jesus christ today#welcome to bitches would you like to come in#THE THINGS. THAT SPAWN IN MY HEAD RIGHT BEFORE MY MOUTH OPENS#Featuring Odile!! Who is not a manager because that would be Hell but is delegated every task that doesn't require being fast#art#fanart#this really do be a comfort au and part of it is that i refuse to draw the background of a fast food establishment. It doesn't deserve it#isat spoilers#FORGOR THE SPOILER TAG
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THE FIRST OMEN dir. Arkasha Stevenson, 2024
#the first omen#the omen franchise#horroredit#junkfooddaily#horror#motionpicturesource#filmedit#dailyflicks#filmgifs#moviegifs#*mywork#shesnake#higabi#awekslook#useranusia#dearestmillie#useroro#foraddy#'and i saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon and out of the mouth of the beast and out of the mouth#of the false prophet'...............#'and he opened his mouth in blasphemy against god to blaspheme his name and his tabernacle and them that dwell in heaven'!!!!!!!!!#CRAZY STUFF JUST WILD!!!!!!!!!#btw u can count urselves lucky that i managed to control myself enough to NOT put one of these bible verses in the caption bro i am a#life long atheist i should not be sitting around here knowing revelations by heart why do i have these things in my brain
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HEESEUNG ✘ Desire: Unleash Concept Cinema Premiere Event
#enhypen#enhypenet#*jelly's#heeseung#lee heeseung#look at him all smiley please i love him to bits#this was after making a Huge spoiler too#but it's okay we love you for it bb we really do#i love watching enha try and not spoil things like it's one of the most entertaining things ever#they always talk like there is a spoiler waiting to be spilled every time they open their mouths#i love it MY AEGIDEULS!!!
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#974.5 - Cetoddle is thought to be a close relative of the aquatic Pokémon Wailmer; however, unlike Wailmer, who once lived on land before becoming a sea-dwelling species, Cetoddle used to live in the ocean a long time ago, before it migrated onto land and adapted to living in a frigid terrain. These playful Pokémon thrive in cold regions, living in pods of about five individuals and enjoying the minerals found in snow and ice. As they evolve into the massive Cetitan, a thick layer of fat keeps them warm while their immense muscular strength develops. Ice energy from their icy habitat builds up in the horn on their upper jaw, allowing a fully grown Cetitan to freeze its surroundings. This freezing energy is vital for their evolution; Trainers must frequently expose their Cetoddle to an Ice Stone to help build up this essential cryogenic energy.
Named: Cetoddle - ? - Cetitan
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Follow for more In-Progress Pokemon evolutions!
FAQ |��Social Media | Pokemon Index | Commission Information
#Pokemon#fakemon#in progress pokemon#cetoddle#cetitan#ice type#gen9#paldea#Cetoddle is the cutest thing and then Cetitan opens it's mouth and it's terrifying#I'm sorry I felt I couldn't hide the freaky mouth#unnamed
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charles doddles
below the cut is notes for myself on how i draw him cause im SICK of being inconsistent !!!!!!!
#xmen#xmen comics#xmen tas#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#this lit started with just the notes page and then of course i had to 'test' my notes#i had an extra note about how i draw charles smiling but i just wanted the Charles Doodles to focus on the doodles#yk exclude the notes. the only note was that i would never draw charles smiling more than That open-mouth smile there#i dont think he should smile big too much and he's more of a closed-mouth smile kind of guy. comics/tas wise anyhow#lmao i love how i only ever do these kinds of doodle pages for charles and never mags#its not my fault i just got his face on lock frame one ok i still flip flop with how i draw charles jAELKVJEAKLJ#BUT NO MORE. i think this is how ima do it going forward <- literally im the only person who notices these thigns#BUT IDC i draw these things for myself ok.... i better make sure nothin bout them bothers me ...#i was gonna include a Sad Charles doodle but its bout time i go on my night run with my dog SO !!!!!! bye bye for now#have plenty more chances to draw charles sad in the future !!!
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Lmao I'd love to see a fic where batman like. Doesn't talk at all. He just 'hn' and 'hrm's his way through the story like a Minecraft villager. All the bat kids understand him perfectly.
I actually know people irl who can do this, and I've done it myself during bad migraines, it's practically a second language, so I know it's totally possible to have full conversations between two speakers XD!
It'd be another degree of separation between Brucie Wayne, the ditzy, breathy playboy and batman, who used up all his vocal spoons for the day and now communicates solely through unintelligible grunts and sharp hand gestures when he doesn't need to talk to strangers.
Unfortunately, the best way to learn grunt speak is the same way most languages are learned, and there's no written word (outside of emoji, of course): immersion. And the justice league are no longer considered strangers.
This leads to:
Hal: which way do we go, spooky? Where's the tracker pointing?
B: *grunt*
Hal: what?
B: *insistent grunt*
Hal:..... Can we point?
B: *dour look* *slowly raises arm to point left down the street* *sharp, insistent grunt*
Hal, dryly: don't strain yourself.
-
Damian: greyson. I am calling because father has had an injury and is bed bound for tonight, however Alfred is downstairs and the rest are still on patrol. I am still in the early stages of learning father's intonations. Please translate.
Nightwing, eldest, regularly called for exactly this reason by just about everyone Bruce has ever spoken with since he was a kid, ranging from arkham guards to jl members: *heavy sigh* put him on.
Bruce: hrng...
Nightwing: He's telling you to close the curtains and keep the noise down, he's got a headache.
Damian, over the sound of footsteps and fabric rustling: it truly is just like another language.
N: nah, it's a lot of probability. I've known b for years, I can guess pretty well. There's a lot we can say. For example, that grunt actually carried a lot more meaning, I just trimmed it down.
Damian: truly?
N: yup! If I had to be pedantic, it actually meant 'I am in quite a lot of discomfort, the cause of which is my head, and I am struggling to manage it on my own. Please aid in my cause, my darling sons whom I love dearly -'
Damian: *muffled noise through the phone*
N: that'll be him telling us to shut up. But you can see why I asked you to close the curtains.
Damian: fascinating. I shall take this under advisement.
-
B, exhausted after a long day of board meetings as Brucie: *moody silence*
Gordon: Batman, how's it going?
B: *glower* *drawn out grunt*
Gordon: that bad, huh?
-
Supes, during a briefing: I believe it would be best if we attacked from the north, we've enough flying members to crest the mountains and ambush then that way - Batman?
B: *quiet grumble, with pointer fingers moving in semicircles*
Supes: ah, I see. You're right, we'd be too visible if the sun rose behind them*turns to see the other members standing behind him* what?
Flash, bowing at the waist, palms together over his head: teach me your ways, oh mighty bat-speaker.
#I see a lot of 'haha b grunts and rarely speaks when distracted' but I never see people actually taking it further#There's a lot of unrealistic things that happen in dc but having conversations in grunts isn't one of them!!#It's not a secret fictional human hybrid language lmao it's perfectly understandable#Once my friend told me to get an ice cream and a flask of hot water without opening their mouth once lol#Bruce can be semi verbal. As a treat.#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#Brucie Wayne#1k#2k#?!
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hmmm let’s try this
if you have NOT seen inanimate insanity..
i’m literally begging you on my knees if you HAVE seen the show PLEASE don’t vote or spoil in the comments pretty pretty please
#worf opens their big mouth#osc#object show community#polls#edit to clarify by ‘watched the show’ i do not mean out of context clips or trailers#i mean you Get the plot points you’ve Watched tThrough the show a hefty amount#uhhh what do i even tag this#hk#iz#hilda#< im trying not to use too many tags from other fandoms so if you see this im SORRY 💔#which of these things didnt happen#fandom#tumblr polls#tumblr poll
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doodl
#poolverine#its a specially designed malice deadpool outfit NOW the mouth should be open but this is also cool maybe next drawing#since hes bald im like we hav eto figure things out#deadpool#wolverine#malice#art#drawing#doodle#digital art#black and white#sketch
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The Spicy Six Drink Challenge:
(Based on that viral TikTok challenge where everyone adds a bit of something to the King's Cup, they mix it up and take shots)
Hi, I'm Nancy, and I'm going to add Sprite because I feel like everyone's just going to add liquor.
Hi, I'm Jonathan. I'm going to add orange juice because I heard Eddie say he's going to add half a bottle of Vodka.
Hey everyone, Argyle here. I'm just gonna add a little bit of lemonade because Eddie said he's going to add some Malibu.
Steve here, setting sail on this nasty bullshit of flavor we're making. I'm going to add all of the Coke we have because Eddie told me he's adding, like, a pint of Jack and I don't want to have to carry my boyfriend home.
I'm Eddie. I'm adding a can of Monster because I told each person here that I'm adding different types of alcohol so they'd make the ultimate master mix of flavors, and I'm forcing them to reap what they've sown.
Robin: *adds half of a bottle of gin*
Robin: *takes a shot* I'm gonna kiss Nancy tonight
#they all take the shot#steve just opens his throat and doesnt even taste it#eddie would be so turned on by that of he wasnt gagging on the lemonade aftertaste#nancy is politely holding her fist in front of her mouth eyes watering keeping the gags down#argyle's wondering who the fuck put coke in there but manages to keep his cool#robin and jonathan are fighting over the trashcan#this went through zero peer review in my brain#spicy six#spicy six headcanon#stranger things#steddie#ronance#queenie's void thoughts#written on mobile so sorry for typos
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Where can you play ride kamens? It looks fun looking at your blog but idk where to play
it'll doesn't start until the 30th, but there's some pre-release episodes/character bits that are scattered around the website and twitter! (the links to pre-reg/download are also on the website :D)
honestly I'm really enjoying it just based off of the pre-release stuff, these characters look like they're going to be exactly that blend of ridiculous and emotionally constipated that hits me so right.
#art#ride kamens#no no i get it though water tastes DIFFERENT#anyway i'm trying not to read too much into the zangetsu/ryuugen meta but also#whenever takato opens his mouth i'm like 'this man would absolutely steal a baby'#man i almost don't even care about the actual game i'm having enough fun with the marketing#these morons are already important to me and i don't even know what their deal is#(this is very off-topic but i've always thought it would be fun to someday do one of those things)#(where the story is told entirely through an outside framework)#(like fake game manuals or posts about shows that don't exist and things like that)#(i think it's commonly used for horror but i just! like it in general!)#(an exercise in minimalism! this character has three sentences of canon and three thousand fanfics about them)#(what i'm saying is that ride kamens is proving that i can get invested based on absolutely nothing okay)
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DAILY HYUNJIN GIFS UNTIL HIS BDAY: love you and all your little things - 😳😨😱🫢🫨
#hyunjin#skz#stray kids#bystay#staydaily#gifs#no one is ever more shooketh about things like he is.. like they#should give him an oscar already!#i also think i should be inhaled by him like he’s kirby whenever he opens his mouth
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I couldn't resist; that post was just too Lady D coded.
Bonus OC silliness:
Someone's about to get some serious punishment 😬 (the rest of us would think Elise's "punishment" is a blessing lol).
#I almost drew Elise's narsty mouth open because it accidentally looks like her gag is part of the apron ties but I'm too tired#Tempted to finally draw some Elise punishment but augh too many things to draw!#lady dimitrescu#alcina dimitrescu#re8 oc#re8 oc elise#captain's art log
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platonic relationships in media are actually so much more important to me than romantic ones. not sorry
#i just decided to open my mouth today#found families mean the WORLD to me#six of crows#tbh#the party#stranger things#EVERYONE IN >#THE DRAGON PRINCE#SHE RA#CARMEN SANDIEGO#across the spiderverse#???? like.#in every piece of media ever.#found families are my everything actually. if you care#i still like romantic ships OBVIOUSLY#(wont shut up about byler kanej rayllum etc)#BUT the platonic ones are what keep me interested and ultimately what make the media so special to me#OH AND ALSO!!!#HEARTSTOPPER#!!!!@#HOW COULD I FORGET#radio silence#ofc.
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(cw non-sexual kink, cis male tiddy sucking)
nikolai takes one look at ghost - at the stiffness he holds himself with, arms held rigidly at his sides as he glares ahead, each breath carefully measured to make himself unnoticed - and knows it’s been too long since he’s checked on his boy
all it takes is a single look, catching his bruised and tired eyes, and ghost all but slumps. nikolai turns, heading towards the 141’s private rec room and he doesn’t need to hear the near-silent footsteps to know ghost’s following. he pulls him down onto the couch, bringing him into the circle of his arms even as he weakly tries to pull away
“don’t need it, nik; don’t have time…” ghost argues but it’s hollow at best
“hush, sweet one,” he soothes his halfhearted protests and thumbs his mask up above his lips. “always so nervous; so lost...”
he tugs his shirt up, showing off his belly and the heavy swell of his hairy pecs; nipples already pebbled. he cups the back of ghost’s head, his thumb brushing over his exposed jaw and ghost is helpless to follow as he gently leads him to latch onto his breast
“i have you,” he promises
no matter how big he is, in presence or in stature, nikolai is bigger; encompassing his whole body in warmth and safety, the familiar scent of cologne and motor oil filling his senses just as the heat of his tit fills his mouth
ghost’s eyes roll back and he nuzzles deeper into his chest, sinking into him and lets his mind empty as he suckles
-
soap didn’t mean to. he didn’t mean to walk in on something not meant for his eyes. he just wanted to check on ghost; he’s been so distant lately, different from his usual bad days and he doesn’t know how to help him but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to try
but he didn’t mean for this; for guilt and a heated, confused want to chase through him as he enters the rec room and realises nikolai got to ghost first
realises they’re not just necking on the couch; that ghost’s lips are pressed tight to nikolai’s furred breast and not moving away, a gentle hollow thinning his exposed cheeks as he sucks, his throat softly bobbing as he swallows
nikolai’s cupping the back of his head, fingers drifting through the blonde hair at the nape of his neck and he looks so fond; like there’s nowhere he’d rather be than on their broken in couch with ghost curled around his body, sucking what must be a deep ache into his tit.
then nikolai looks up at him, frozen in the doorway and soap-
soap runs
-
nikolai gives soap a few days before he tries to talk about it; gives him a chance to come to terms with what he's seen. it's almost adorable; how deep soap’s flush grows when he sees him, how he stumbles over his words and can’t quite make eye contact
but it also tugs at him that he feels the need to shrink, to brace himself from whatever punishment he thinks is headed his way; shoulders hunching in, arms wrapped almost defensively around his body before finding whatever excuse he can to run from him
run from himself
he wishes he could wait for soap to come to him but he knows lost boys and their fear of coming in from the cold
nikolai keeps himself gentle as he uses his bulk to corner soap; stopping him from running but also using it to show how easily he could hide in him if he just let himself give in. if he let him take care of him the same way he takes care of ghost
"but... but it's wrong," soap whispers, fingers tangling with a gold cross at the hollow of his throat (a cross so similar to one he’d melted down all those years ago), but he speaks with such clear longing; eyes wide where he stares up at him, all but begging to be told otherwise and it almost breaks nikolai's heart
"no, lovely boy," he denies softly and soap shudders as he cups his face and backs him up against the corner; hugged by both walls and nikolai himself. "there is nothing more natural."
he caresses soap's cheek. he feels him shake under his touch, his eyes already growing dewy, and chances drifting his fingers over his bottom lip. soap's breath hitches and he looks up at him with so much fear - so much trust - and hesitantly opens his mouth to let them sink inside
nikolai doesn't press them too deep, doesn't threaten his throat, but they are thick and wide; filling his mouth and comfortably weighing down his tongue
with a small, involuntary moan, soap closes his lips around his fingers and nikolai catches him with his body as he goes limp. he coos as he starts sucking; wrapping his other arm around his head and brings him into his body, hidden and safe and small
"my good, lovely boy," he whispers and soap lets out a cracked whimper. "you are not wrong."
he isn't ready yet, much the same way ghost wasn't ready at first. but feeling soap tremble and suckle at his fingers, nikolai knows he'll soon have another boy tucked safe to his breast
#soap thinking it’s wrong not bc nikolai and ghost are men (though that’s part of it)#but bc he knows the church would see it as a bastardisation of the virgin mary#the mother feeding christ; the ultimate act of care and love#and it must be a perversion; it must be a twisted imitation of something pure#right?#it cant be something genuine; pure; bc if ghost can have it… does thst mean he can too?#soap desperate for such comfort and acceptance; things he thinks he’ll never receive#bc he knows he’ll never be worthy of such things#never devout enough; never loyal enough; never well behaved enough#shaming his family and his church along with it every time he opened his mouth#he constantly chases this elusive ‘good enough’; always forced himself to be better; stronger; /perfect/#bc then it will mean he’ll have earned it right? he’ll be given the love he’s always yearned for but always fell short of#and nikolai who was raised russian orthodox? all he can see is a burnt out reflection of himself#he recognises the same longing he used to feel before he realised he will never be enough for them#that they want him to be a man he will despise and even then he’ll still be denied the comfort he wanted#and he doesnt want that; for ghost or soap#he’ll give them everything they want and more until they understand everything they deserve#we’re a team. ghost team#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#nikolaighost#nikghost#nikolai x ghost#niksoap#nikolaisoap#nikolai x soap#cod nikolai#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod
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