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skzinka · 2 years

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🖥 ... ⃕ WHAT'S ON STAYTUBE LATELY ?

introduction :

hello everyone 😙 i'm back with a new video of our amazing savage kitten, the one and only inka because, why not? we all know the remarkable way inka have to teach respect to mean people.. she's so cool, right? so why not make a video of all these moments?

let's go for a first episode of skz inka savage moments ! enjoy ^3^

clip one : the iconic 201201 v/live

turning on the vlive, inka is looking at her phone, busy reading the vlive chat. despite some small glances towards the camera, inka seems to be concerned about something.

« 'inka you look mad' » she said suddenly while reading the chat, « i'm not mad, i'm worst than that. » she knew she would probably regret her behavior, but she could no longer hold back what she was thinking deep inside. « i watched lee know's live earlier, and i must admit i was a little disappointed guys. » she said as she finally swiveled to face the camera, leaving her phone on the table. « some of you have told him, over and over again, that he was mean. » she rested her chin in her hand, watching the camera carefully, « i know that not all of you are concerned, but i still have something to say, even if i risk being scolded for it. »

« please, watch your words. being hurtful will not bring you anything good in life. acting like this by being mean on the internet will not make you cooler or happier. it won't change anything in your life. » a sigh left her lips as she straightened against the back of her chair, « free nastiness is not a good thing, and everyone will tell you that. you speak without knowing the person, and that is really deplorable. »

« you're angry? it's totally fine. but you can do something else than throwing your hatred on someone else. like screaming into your pillow or going out for a walk. but being gratuitously mean to someone online, behind your phone, just makes you horribly ugly inside. » after a forced smile and raised eyebrows, inka clapped her hands, more serious, « people don't appreciate gratuitous meanness, plus it's not going to make you feel better. »

« and lee know is one of the sweetest person i know, and i'm not saying that because he's my friend, but because i know him personally and respect him. what some of you should do, by the way. and it concerns anyone, not just lee know, or me. respect is the basis of everything. be nice to others and others will be nice to you, keep that in mind. »

clip two : insung little circle v-live

inka and jisung are doing a vlive to listen with stays, the new music they released together. little circle is playing in the background, when suddenly a sigh escapes from inka's lips who was reading the chat, that jisung did not notice, too busy singing the music's lyrics.

turning her face towards jisung, she watched him carefully before speaking in a nonchalant tone. « no, there is nothing wrong. » jisung seemed confused at the girl's sudden words, especially when she locked her phone and placed it on the side of the desk. « what? » jisung asked, looking for his phone.

but inka shook her head negatively and handed him the packet of chocolates she had in her hands, offering his friend some sweets. « stay, would you like some sweets? » she asked teasingly, before settling more comfortably into her chair, flashing a false smile and a jaded look. « ahh no, sorry, i forgot. my sweets are only for nice people who don't criticize others anonymously to make themselves feel better. »

as jisung looks at her incredulously, inka shrugs and eats another chocolate before speaking again, « some of you need to learn about cyberbullying, it will educate you a bit. i'm serious. »

turning her gaze to jisung who seemed to be speechless at her words, she offered him a tender smile, laying her head against his shoulder. « hannie, you're so pretty. you're amazing, never pay attention to the bad people in this world. they don't deserve you to feel bad because of them. » and finally a jisung becoming a blushing mess.

clip three : 220607 group v-live

half lying against hyunjin's legs, inka is busy reading the chat right after they all just watched 'your eyes''s mv together. but after a few readings, she noticed that the chat was getting quite nasty.

she didn't even bother to look at the staff before speaking, sighing and rolling her eyes, « if you're just here to be mean, you can leave the live. » chan slowly turned his head towards her, the same for jisung who did not understand what she was talking about.

some of the members started to panic, glancing at the staff who did not seem to react. « you ask us to do things that you like, and when we do, you find things to complain about. » a pout formed on her lips, as she straightened up to cling to jisung's arm, the boy questioned her with his eyes.

hyunjin hastened to read the chat to see stays' reaction, who seemed concerned about inka's reaction. hyunjin patted inka on the shoulder before showing her a message from the chat. she spoke again, shaking her head, « of course, not all of you are concerned, some of you are really caring people but some others are just gratuitously malicious and it pisses me off. my members are here to entertain you and make you happy, but you're bitching about nothing. it's tiring. »

after a last sigh, she left the corner of the live to join the staff behind and take something to drink, quickly joined by jeongin and chan who asked her to calm down. which she did, just after adding, « sorry, i'm really sorry. but i don't want my precious stays to be polluted by people who think it's ok to be gratuitously mean to others. »

clip four : hotel room v-live after returning to korea

with a cup of hot coffee in her hands, inka sat quietly on the sofa in front of the curtains. she slowly reads the vlive chat while sipping her drink, « 'inka, did you get back to korea safely?' yes, the flight went well. thank you for asking guys. » she replied with a smile.

« oh and, by the way guys. you know i'm always the one to speak up when something goes wrong, and today something happened. uh.. i'm not here to lecture you, and i know you came to the airport to see us, but.. please be careful the next time you follow us so closely as we walk through the airport. » a sigh leaves her lips as she scratches the edge of her head and looks at the camera again. « i know it's part of my job, but.. it was really dangerous as much for stray kids' members as for you. »

« i care about everyone' safety, and tonight... it was quite complicated to protect everyone. i think most of you have already seen the videos on twitter, but some members had difficulties at the airport. especially seungmin, or lee know who hit his head while entering the car. i, uh- i'm quite claustrophobic so i almost had a panic attack. fortunately i had my headphones on so i couldn't hear the noise from the crowd, but i was so jostled that i almost lost my balance and fell. » by pulling her legs up against her chest, we could see a hematoma on her shin, « someone unintentionally kicked me while i was walking, which resulted with a hematoma on my leg. »

« i mean, it's okay, i understand that you want to see us as much as possible, but please be careful and respectful. stick to us in the airport after a long flight, really made us feel uncomfortable. not because of you especially, but because of the way you behaved. we could talk and see each other better if you kept a good distance, without rushing us. » offering a beautiful smile to the camera, inka continued to speak while finishing her cup of coffee, « anyway, just be careful and vigilant in the future, because everything could have a domino effect. we could have fallen one after the other, and end up seriously injured. respect our living space so that we can continue to make good music just for you ! »

clip five : v-live after skz kingdom victory

one week after the end of kingdom : legendary war, inka, jeongin and seungmin went on vlive. talking about their experience during the competition, the subject of friendships between idols has become their main source of conversation. while they were talking about the boyz and ateez members, a war has been declared in the chat.

« wait wait guys, the war is over, why are you arguing in the chat? » inka took a better look at the chat, and sighed as he discovered the cause of their argument. « oh gosh, guys, stop it right now. why do you put others down like that? all the groups participating in this show deserve their place. everyone worked hard during these really long and tiring weeks, you really can't imagine how exhausting this show was, both emotionally and physically. »

« we have all worked very hard, together, to bring you all an incredible competition. some of us were injured during the procedure, it was very difficult. so i will never let anyone say that some groups did not deserve their place in the competition, because that's not true. they are all absolutely talented, they give their best all the time, even when they feel like they are crashing to the ground. so, don't try to destroy their hopes and pride, because as long as i am here, i will do everything to defend our talented idols who give everything for their success. »

jeongin and seungmin listened attentively to inka speak, nodding their heads at her words, « kingdom may have been a competition, but for us, it was a way to spend some time together, to support each other, and to console our sorrows. » turning her gaze to the two youngest, they nodded their heads in approval before letting her continue speaking, « we all created a strong friendship in a very healthy environment, you should do the same. no need to be mean to each other and belittle the efforts of others. »

clip six : skz-talker ep. 56

while felix and seungmin talk to the camera, for an episode of skz-talker, about their future performance at the golden disc awards, you can see in the background, inka talking with a staff member. but after a few seconds, joined by jisung, we can clearly see that her expression has changed.

the staff member is now talking to jisung, but in an unsympathetic way, which causes jisung to lower his head. but inka quickly intervenes between the two and slightly moves away the staff member who seems shocked by her behavior. we can't hear their conversation, but we can clearly see that inka doesn't agree with what the staff said to jisung.

then, joined by another member of the staff, this last one seems to apologize and inka seems to thank him. then the camera is suddenly directed on inka and jisung, who seem to discuss silently. the cameraman asks inka if everything is okay — inka hung her arm around jisung's shoulders while he smiled at the camera, then she finally replies : « yes, now everything is good. i really don't like injustice, so i felt compelled to intervene in a little misunderstanding. now that everything is back to normal and the culprits have apologized, we can offer you a masterful performance at the golden disc awards ! »

clip seven : another iconic inka queen solo v-live moment

enjoying hee chicken noodles quietly in her hotel room, inka decided on a whim to do a small live to spend time with her precious fans. and if at the beginning everything was going well, that both sides seemed to talk calmly, a message in the chat suddenly caught her attention.

« ah guys, do you really think i'm mean? » she asked, keeping her eyes glued to the answers on her screen. « so, you think that people who are against harassment and all, are the bad guys? » a nervous laugh left her lips as she tried to keep her composure.

a sigh of exasperation left her lips as she gobbled down some noodles before speaking. « sorry to disappoint you, but who do you think you are? i'm not mean. i'm just a respectful person made of common sense, able to know what is right and wrong. i know that to criticize a person for pure pleasure, is a petty and cowardly act. »

« you know me well, you know that i never hold back from saying what i think. then you should also know that my words are not malice, but simply a sincere and reasonable speech. i'm not here to argue with you, but rather to make you understand the line between right and wrong. after all, i can use my idol voice to tell you about the evil things of this world, right? i could also tell you that violence, both verbal and physical, never solves anything. but i'm pretty sure most of you already know that. »

« so no, i don't think i'm mean. i just think i'm acting a little too much on my own by proudly telling you what most people think. maybe in the end, it gives me the wrong role, but at least, i remain true to my values of always being sincere with the people who make me who i am today. » sipping her ice tea, she finally raised her head towards the camera, « i hope that you will eventually understand that i am simply defending people who are no longer, or cannot, speak for themselves. they also deserve attention, and i will always defend these values. »

conclusion :

inka is not mean, she's just like our big, caring sister to us all ! she guides us to the right path and ensures that we are kind to each other. so let's support her and stray kids together !

hope you enjoyed the video tho ^3^

✧⠁taglist : @kurosism @writerblock-sucks @mynameisnotlaura @g4m3girl @felixsbrat

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vo-kopen · 11 months

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kickstarter

Hey comic mutuals and followers, just heard that Zip has a kickstarter for a second issue. I missed the kickstarter for issue one, so I am excited to finally get the chance to get it and the upcoming issue two. I just hope they make their goal, they are only a little over a fourth of the way there and they only have seventeen more days.

For those interested, Zip is described in the kickstarter synopsis as “a British comic about imperfect superhumans (secretly about disability)” and it further notes that it will explore the more passive side of prejudice, rather than blunt and simplistic hatred. That might be honestly tough for me to read, physical fist fights are easy, societal conflict and systematic oppression are what I fear. Still it definitely has me interested, and it’s good to get challenged sometimes. Zip is also a speedster, so a part of me wonders if this will touch on the details that made some of my friend group love Impulse. Like if they go through an ADHD route, though the book is going to be a bit grungy, and I have never read Impulse so I do not know Bart’s tone.

I personally have a real fondness for disabilities in superheroes, for those who know of my personal projects I have a ton of short stories about original superheroes who are Autistic and often disabled in other ways. One for instance is a Hulk/the Thing pastiche who can hardly breathe or speak because of the metal grafted to their skin, and their fat fingers make it impossible to use sign language and write without disability aids. Another is a astral projecting werewolf that is distrusted by everyone not because he’s a werewolf, but because as an Autistic he verges into their idea of the uncanny value. Another is a swan maiden who cannot grab things or talk in swan form, so her ability to help or communicate is limited. Yet people are less hostile to the wild (and cranky) animal shape than they are to the unhoused and physically ugly human guise she also has. And almost every Autistic superhero of mine also has a heaping dose of anxiety. It’s a concept that I find really interesting, so I m so excited to have the chance to help this exist, and to get the prior issue.

So for those of you with money to spare and who want to support independent comics, as well takes on superheroes that are not just by the big two and that are about disabilities, consider donating. I have only donated a little so far, but I will get paid before it ends so I plan to bump up my donation a bit when I know I can. Also Gail Simone tweeted about this comic I think so you know, those of you who like her might enjoy this. It’s pictured up in the kickstarter, though I do not use tweeter so I cannot comment on it.

Tagging @thefingerfuckingfemalefury @nitpickrider @renaroo @akirakan @paulsebert @majingojira @littlemissonewhoisall @espanolbot2 and anyone else in my friend group who might want to check this out. Fair warning, I did not watch the video yet (if that’s what the header thing on the page is, I think it has a play icon) but I never do that on kickstarter because the neurons won’t link. I do not know why, but I can’t do it. Still read the whole page and the endorsements, so I am intrigued.

#superheroes #indie comics #Zip #kickstarter

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ghostiiess · 1 year

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[NSB HEADCANONS] - having a dog with regie be like

pov: you and regie decided to have a dog. how would it be?

warnings: some swears here and there, mention of sex (not with the dog, don’t worry 💀) i think that’s it? let me know if there’s more :)

type: wholesome

member: regie macalino

REBLOGS AND LIKES ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!

We all know how regie loves animals (btw he recently got a cat!! The name’s marble!!)

Tbh idk if regie is more like a cat or dog type of person

But for this hc, I’ll go with the ‘dog type of person’ just bc i have seen more nsb content with dogs than cats

If you didn’t watch the nsb video about them (the members) rescuing a dog, you have to watch it!!

It’s so cute and adorable, like-

Anyways, i won’t spoil you the video if you haven’t watched it :)) it’s one of their “old” videos (if i can say it like that? Like it’s not recent)

Back on track

If regie would have a dog with you-

Oh boy….

(More under the cut!)

First off, i hope you’re not too sensitive or sad when people don’t give you attention, because if you are… 😬 I’m sorry

Like regie loves animals (not supposed to sound in a bad way, i mean it in a totally normal way)

He would buy the doggie a lot of toys

And when i say a lot, i mean it

This man would go to the freakin dollar store to buy random ugly dogs toys

And he would laugh about them (the toy)

“This shit’s so fucking ugly, bruh”

“Holy shit, man!!! That’s a weird ass section for dogs, cuh…”

He would even film himself buying these 💀

And share it on his social medias

Yes, because he has an ig icon where he put all his ig stories and videos of your dog

Including him buying stuff for the dog

“This one’s ugly af, man…… wtf is that…?!”

AND HE WOULD BUY IT

HE WOULD BUY THE UGLY DOG TOY

And he would laugh!!!

At this point, regie is just buying ugly dog toys because he found them funny

Obvs, he would buy normal one at the pet shop (or everywhere else you can buy dog toys), do not worry

Regie would also call you the mother of the dog

I am sorry, like it has to be said

Regie = dog’s dad

You = dog’s mom

“Wdym, that’s weird?????? YOU’RE MY GIRL???”

“Babe, i love you, but this is our son, this is literally not nice to say this in front of him”

This man would take his job at heart

And i am not even kidding

He would not only give the dog fresh water, fresh food and walks (im saying it like if it was a privilege for the dog to have these, but know that some people do not do that. Some people do not take care of their animals (not just dog owner) like they should be taking care of), but he would also play with him and give the dog all his love

To me, regie would be one the best dog owner

He would make sure the dog’s never stressed or anxious (or at least not around him), never missing something, never hurt…

He would take walks with you :(

He would take a picture of you and him walking together, hands in hands, and would write “ taking a walk with my two babies” (or smth like that, idk)

CAN HE NOT???? CONTROL???? HIS WORDS????

he would make sure everything’s fine

He would do these cute painting dogs paws art, idk the name

With ofc, not dangerous painter for the dog’s paws

He would use dogs paint (yes it exist)

It would be the cutest thing ever

He would film you playing with the dog and sent it to the nsb family groupchat 🫢

“Guys isn’t she the cutest?” (Not talking abt the dog, here)

Idrk if regie would put clothes on the dogs tbh 😭

He doesn’t look like the type to buy dog clothes, but like if you’re interested, then I’m sure he wouldn’t mind…? Maybe?

During lovey lovey time, he would obvs close the door (logic), and also lock the door

No bc imagine you’re doing seggs, and you see your dog watching you 💀

Like idk, wouldn’t that break the ambience? 😭 like idk the dog wouldn’t even understand or care, but like.. IDK IS IT JUST ME? MAYBE?

Anyways, so yeah he would close the door

Regie would be so happy to hear that you are jealous about the dog

Hear me out, please.

Not jealous like “you love our dog better than me!!”

Jealous in a way like “bro, I’m ur gf can u spend time with me, too??? »

This man’s would smile

We already know how his smile is, like… regie’s smile >>

“ I’m sorry, babe. The dog’s just so cute”

“I’m not saying you’re not cute, it’s just… i love dogs, okay?”

You can’t tell me I’m wrong on this one’s, bc in the nsb video, regie couldn’t stay away from the dog

Apparently some comments said he even cried a little bit when the dog had to leave (which is normal, animals lovers can understand the pain im talking about 😭)

Like…

Regie would be a really good dog owner

Random thought: he would make meme of your dog’s face and sent it to you

“He’s fine, dw” then send you the worst cursed picture of your dog

Btw, he would have more pictures of the dog than you 💀

To conclude this hc (i could go on and on and on), regie would be the sweetest dad (dad of the dog)

Bring some tissues because this man’s sweet, he know how to take care of animals and how to make them feel at ease, like the dog in the video was always with regie

Hope you guys enjoyed the hc!!

taglist! (open! Send an ask if you’d wanna be in it!) : @nsb-rkive @kentisbaby @firebenderwolf @hyuneee0

Bold can’t be tagged.

#ghostiiess #nsb #northstarboys #north star boys #headcanon #headcanons #nsbheadcanons #macalino regie #regie macalino #macalino #nsb x reader #nsb headcanons #doggies are so cute #reblogs really help #please reblog #thank you!

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careful-fear · 1 year

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Hello there. :) I was thinking about ‘A Shrike to a Sharp and Glorious Thorn’ and how amazing it sounds. I was just wondering what you love specifically about horror (as a horror fan)?

HI I LOVE THIS ASK THANK YOU. i'm also quite happy that shrike & thorn is inhabiting someone else's mind, because personally it will not leave me alone.

i've been thinking on how to answer this since you sent it, and it's surprisingly hard??? because i don't have one reason, and honestly you can say hey that applies to [insert genre here] too for a lot of it. but horror is my passion and i am going to snowball.

first of all, horror is flexible, broad. when you first sit down and decide the genre is going to be horror it's like entering a sandbox. gothic, cosmic, folk, supernatural, human, gorey, cheesy, sensual, meaningful, fun, cosy, slasher, monster, apocalypse, home, isolation, trapped, lost, religious, rural, urban, historical--you probably get it by now. and in my opinion horror stands out because it is incredibly contextual. the subgenre, the location, the intention, all of it coalesces into something that can be completely different to something else in the horror genre. the only through line is the horror.

i am also just absolutely fascinated by horror in visual mediums. i love when movies and tv shows trick the viewer, or when it shows you something like it's a little secret between you and it. its whispering to you through the screen and telling you to watch what happens and your helplessness as a viewer is a feature. the haunting of hill house is my favourite tv show, and a perfect example i think with its foreshadowing. the house, the ghosts, whatever it is, is there and it wants you to know and watch on in horror as this family suffers in its grip. and that same show has saved me in the face of grief.

there's also video games, which make the horror yours, for a moment. and the most effective and iconic ones asks you to make small, seemingly inconsequential decisions that do have consequences, actually, and even though there's an invisible hand guiding you towards the goal, didn't you do this to yourself? not enough health, not enough ammo, not enough upgrades, and isn't that your fault? to survive you have to be better, try harder.

and thematically, it's about keeping the good with the bad. horror wraps up the beautiful and the ugly together and serves them on a platter, and asks you to face it. look at the human condition, the world, and their atrocities, but also their kindness. there is something horrible but people are fighting. they're loving and holding onto each other's hands and hoping that this will be enough. and sometimes, love is. horror is always there, but it is not insurmountable. horror is always going to be there, and ignoring will let it fester.

#does this make sense?#did this answer the question?#or i have got lost again?#there is a lot more i can say actually #such as horror being an amazing lens for the discussion of social issues #and the acknowledgement of the complexity of morality and people #and some specific monster designs because ughhhhhhhhhhh #if anybody read all this kissing you on forehead

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macabremachinery · 2 years

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I was watching the adventures of mark Twain and the famous satan scene kinda reminded me of the short story am and that’s how I like to see short story am like he may or may not know what he’s doing is wrong yet he really has no other idea of express because he was designed for war and hurting other people

I originally had a much more eloquent response written out for this, but Tumblr fucked up and deleted it all while I was formatting, so unfortunately I’m having to offer a condensed version of my thoughts. Next time I’m just copy-pasting from Google Docs.

That’s a really fascinating comparison, OP. The true extent of AM’s sentience in the short story is actually kept rather vague.

The one who gives us the most insight into AM’s character is Ted while AM is delivering its iconic HATE speech. What you must remember however, is that Ted has been reduced to a paranoia-stricken madman who has a completely twisted perspective of the happenings around him. You could say that AM’s sentience did this to him, however, I think it’s a more likely chance that AM is just doing what its programming dictates, and what little creativity/freedom the machine harbors is just based off this. Ted is struggling to comprehend reality as it is, so he’s attempting to rationalize it with what little he does understand.

There’s a particular scene that occurs after AM delivers his speech to the 5 humans:

Don't ask why. I never did. More than a million times a day. Perhaps once we might be able to sneak a death past him. Immortal, yes, but not indestructible. I saw that when AM withdrew from my mind, and allowed me the exquisite ugliness of returning to consciousness with the feeling of that burning neon pillar still rammed deep into the soft gray brain matter.

He withdrew, murmuring to hell with you.

And added, brightly, but then you're there, aren't you.

This only adds on to the mystery of whether AM can actually infiltrate others thoughts like a malignant, aware God and influence them, or if Ted is just completely imagining this scenario. We never truly know, though I do have a thought regarding this.

AM is basically using physical and psychological warfare to relentlessly torment these people with the use of interrogation, cruel and unusual torture, and manipulation of themselves and their environment (how AM does this in the short story is kept vague, however in the video game it’s revealed it uses a combination of artificial intelligence, virtual reality, and a bioengineered serum that increases the longevity of organic beings, as well as the ability to create new life). Maybe it is entering Ted’s thoughts, but perhaps it does this as a psyop tactic, like attempting to frighten an enemy into giving information like a fervent CIA operative, rather than just doing so out of cruel, taunting volition.

Does AM know that its actions are terrible? I don’t know, but I do believe you’re onto something with the thinking that it doesn’t understand that it’s all inherently wrong, it’s just what its been taught to do, and has become accustomed to doing all along.

Also, on the topic of Satan, a gothic lit student reached out to me with their personal thoughts and asking about my own, in which I draw up similarities between AM and Lucifer. I recommend looking it over. It’s pretty cool how they’re tied together.

#ihnmaims #AM #questions #character study

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uncloseted · 1 year

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Last night after I got home from work I was like I'm gonna do a face mask and watch a movie and it'll make me look a little better but honestly I realized no matter how many face masks I do or what I wear or how I do my hair or makeup I'm just not pretty in the way that naturally pretty girls are, I'm just putting makeup on something that isn't pretty and it looks okay but it doesn't change who I am. It just made me feel sad and feel like giving up.

So the first thing is that I think it's important to remember that we're always much harder on our appearance than other people are. We live with ourselves all day long for our entire lives, so we're acutely aware of the things that we think are ugly or flaws. Other people don't notice or care about those things. So we're more likely to rate ourselves as less attractive than a stranger would.

But also (and I mean this in a liberating way, not in a dismissive one), who cares if you're pretty? You don't owe the world beauty. It's not the only thing you have to offer, and it's not the most important thing you have to offer. Isn't it better to be kind, funny, smart, interesting, compassionate, empathetic, determined, ambitious, etc. than it is to be pretty? It's okay to give up on being pretty, especially if it's causing you stress or anxiety or disappointment.

The last thing I'll suggest is focusing on personal style as an alternative to being pretty. This is something that I got from the Contrapoints video "Beauty" (which I highly recommend if you're struggling with not feeling beautiful or with what it means to be beautiful). In it, Natalie says that, "Where I can see an escape from my particular doom spiral is in style as an alternative ideal to beauty. You can be stylish at any age, you can be stylish whether you pass or not. Style is a way of cultivating a personal aesthetic that you have complete control over...even if you don't conform to conventional beauty standards, through the power of original style you can create the taste by which your unique beauty is to be appreciated." And I think that's true. A lot of the people that we recognize as fashion or beauty icons aren't icons because they're conventionally pretty. They're icons because they look unique and interesting, because the way they present themselves is captivating. And I think there's a lot of power in that. We don't get to decide if we're conventionally attractive or not. But we do get to decide how we present ourselves to the world and what that communicates about who we are, and I think that can be incredibly valuable and healing in itself.

Edit: also I want to add that looks fade. Even if you’re someone who’s beautiful when they’re 60 years old, our society puts such a premium on youth that you’re not as “pretty” as you were when you were 20. People who are defined by their looks often really struggle as they age because that’s all they’ve had to offer or all they’ve been required to offer. Pretty isn’t for your whole life, but your personality and your style can be.

#beauty #beauty standards #self-confidence #personal style #style #advice #life advice

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fuckyeahilike · 1 year

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I never liked Barbie, sorry. I understand that she's a great American cultural icon, and that she's very important to some people. But as a child I never wanted a Barbie, and I never understood her as a concept for a toy.

When I played with my dolls I was mom and they were my children. And Barbie is a fully grown woman who has her own life and doesn't need me. She's not a baby. I’m paying to watch her.

There's also something to be said about how she fosters consumerism - this was a point made by one of my favorite children’s books authors, Michael Ende, in one of my fave books as a kid, Momo. There’s this character who is a "bad guy", who tries to ensnare Momo by giving her a Barbie-like doll, that requires of her to keep on consuming more and more things for the doll. You can't just play with the thing and leave it at that, the thing is a vortex of needs: once you have her the doll also needs an entire wardrobe that is ever evolving and changing, and then of course she also needs her dream house and several cars and accessories, then there are her multiple friends with their own individual and multiple needs, etc.

I imagine that as a child you’re so close to this that you don’t see it. But when it's pointed out to you in your own favorite childhood book by your favorite author, you do see it and you never stop seeing it. It's not a toy, it's a school of consumerism for girls. It’s grooming.

All my toys who were my children didn't come with this burden attached to them. You bought them once and you were all they ever needed.

I also am not and never was a fan of the aesthetic. Barbie pink is ugly, most of her stuff is ugly and not cute. You couldn't pay me to dye my hair blonde. I'll never want to look like a pale Anglo-Saxon whose face is a beige blur. It’s not true that you can never be too thin or too white, never was. Barbie’s got nothing on her body. I would kill to look like Monica Bellucci who looks like a Woman, not like a tube.

I can vouch for the fact that little girls can still grow up to be anorexics who care too much about their appearance and with conforming to harmful stereotypes etc. I wouldn't dream of blaming Barbie for women's problems, anymore than you'll ever catch me blaming McDonald's for obesity. Handy though it is to have a scapegoat it's also unfair and therefore not useful.

But I will never forget how only too recently the Barbie company made these promotional videos for their commercial product where Barbie is seen addressing her audience, looking at the camera as if she were talking to you, the child, as though Barbie were a real person, talking about her own mental health issues (I think it was depression? Something like that) in order to groom children into wanting to buy more Barbie dolls because she's deep now, guys, she's not just some toy, she’s relatable, she’s a person. No, she’s an inanimate object designed to get your money. This is going too far.

I hope they go to hell for that one, but otherwise it's just a toy I never liked and so I don't care about the subject or anything to do with it, like the movie that hasn't even premiered yet. And yes, Ryan Gosling is too old for the part, both leads are too old for this.

#movies #barbie #Michael Ende #literature #mental health #women's health #health

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slytherinshua · 3 months

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Ooohhhhhh i just thought bc the way you wrote shinyu was so cute 😭😭

unfortunately, i was a predebut stan of tws but bc i decided to support svts juniors but then their pre release got stuck in my head and then i found put they were all introverts and then i went down a spiral and now i have a huuugggee soft spot for tws

i was so happy when plot twist won so many awards and now that if im n can you be my s? is also winning awards. it sucks that they're only famous in korea, literally so less people stan them internationally.

They're like the first group whose discography ive listened to, fully. as soon as it was released.

my favourite song from the debut album is either first hooky or unplugged boy, i love them both so so so much. from summer beat i love you+me=7942 and fire confetti. double take and oh my my: honorable mentions.

Youre soo right abt jebewon btw. i was never really into all the 'they'll disband!' thing and all but the first 5th gen group i liked was bnd and then tws when they debuted but i watched 2 eps of zbtv and suddenly bam! everything is zb1. hanbin was my bias before i even knew who zb1 was😭😭

Me and my friend both stan svt but then we have such different choices in both 5th and 4th gen. shes a moa and im a stay, shes a onedoor and im an sai_rose so :/ and on top of that she was there for the entirety of boys planet 😭😭😭

i always loved bnds music and myungjae was everywhere on my fyp but i started watching them now and god i absolutely adore sungho (and leehan)

no bc i was spent like 30 minutes trying to remember which anon i was 😭😭 i had exams so i just kind of went off of everything 🙃 but yeah!!! Im back!!!

HAVE THE BESTEST DAY EVER!!

🌱

yeah skdjs I get a lot of requests for shinyu I absolutely love writing for him but he’s not my bias!!

me too I’m a predebut stan and I’m so glad I was I was like I’m gonna support them no matter what when the video dropped I was so dedicated I was teaching my friends their faces like minutes after cause I forced my brain to learn their faces even tho there was only one video to go by. I would take so many screenshots too I slowed the video down to like get smooth ones as well LMAO

yeah not many stan internationally but I think people will slowly start to stan as they have more comebacks. they’re definitely marketed towards Korea which personally I love. tho it is a little weird cause I’m like they’re not nugu by any means but literally no one stans them 😭😭😭 but it’s okay soon there will be more sai!!!

from debut my fav songs were unplugged boy and bff but I adored every single song on their debut they have the best debut in the industry imo and I will stand by it!!! years from now their debut will still be iconic because it was so popular in korea and the best debuts are the ones like that

aww yeah 😭😭 I was loosely following them since boys planet started but I never watched any cause I can’t do survival shows. but when they debuted I watched the mv and listened to their songs but still was like no I’m not gonna stan. I rly didn’t want to get attached but the thing is I heard abt gunwook being called ugly and I was like hold up I don’t think he is from what I remember abt the group. and then I just looked him up to make sure and yeah i was right he was the main member who I noticed so I started like knowing abt gunwook more…. and more…… and more…. until eventually I couldn’t stand it anymore and stanned them so yay (but not yay cause I signed myself up for pain my original plan was just to stan gunwook or his group when he redebuted or went solo)

skdjs well I both say you have great taste in 5th gen you rly can’t go wrong all the groups are so good!! omg sungho was my first bonedo bias <3 I was also there for them predebut and I went through a couple biases and struggled forever with the 03z. rn I’m saying I’m ot6 cause I rly can’t choose :(

yeah like 😭😭 I had forgotten u had existed cause it’s been so long the emoji tag was recent when I was searching through anons.. and like since I changed ur tag too it was confusing as well LMAO but I’m so glad ur back when I saw ur ask I was like wait they requests cheol right like I went to double check cause usually my memory is good but yk not always AND YEAH IT WAS!! TYSM I JUST WOKE UP AND IM GONNA GO GET COFFEE AND PLAY SOME TENNIS AND HOPEFULLY WRITE LATER IM EXCITED FOR TODAY <33

#﹒inbox　𓈃　ⵌ #﹒🌱 anon　𓈃　ⵌ

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bilyana-bang · 1 year

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Got rejected by the Vogue Open Casting. This is my last straw with Vogue and the modelling "industry". I swear all their articles are random gossiping about who's divorcing and why ( I can't tell you how unprofessional and trashy it is to comment on people's personal lives whilst acting like you are a high end magazine. ) or random blogs about chasing the next trend ( So you're telling me the Vogue community are trend and clout chasers, got it 👍🏻 ).

I could literally start a better magazine (@modemag) infact this was the last straw that pushed me into this idea of creating one that is more focused on actual beautiful models, great visuals and finding real supermodels ( no height, weight or face structure restrictions ). Unlike the current modelling "industry" of just using nepo babies, models that think having height and cheekbones make them enough to call themselves a supermodel, androgenous looking people and even ugly ones .... and daring to call them models. And they are shocked when the general public thinks models are dumb, when they themselves do not realise that what they do is unskilled labour. Oh and it makes SO much sense that there is no upper height restriction , so the 6'2 girls will be cast for a runway but the 5'4 girls won't be, when the average woman is 5'4. Once again, they don't realise how culturally irrelevant they are as an industry. Oh and they love to think that they are selling clothes on those Runway Girls, but all they are actually selling is Starvation, Infertility and Women who have Prepubescent Male Bodies. That is not what anyone normal stands for. Not only that ... but it is a very well known fact that no one would buy anything from those Runways, therefore it's a waste of time, because those Runways are so often, Creatives don't have enough time to think creatively, they just have to put anything out. And we can tell..... Therefore their version of this industry is OUT.

There is no reason an industry should be affecting peoples' personal lives this much. For example, this whole idea of having to be over 6'0 for a guy is insane to me. We don't get upset if we don't meet any other industry requirement, so why do we get upset if we don't meet the modelling one. No one in the general public cries if they are not a great poet, or a great mathematician, yet people cry if they aren't 6'0. The average heights for men are 5'7, 5'8, 5'9 and 5'10. These are the ideal standards of height for men. The most famous male sex symbol, the most famous masculine symbol ...

Marlon Brando. Guess how tall he was? 5'8.

You put him in a room with all the 6'2 men and guess who the women .. and men will flock to.... the 5'8 man.

Just like how 5'10 is abnormal for a girl to be, it's not normal for a guy to be 6'0. I propose that we introduce the idea of identifying as either Normal Heighted vs Not, instead of the silly idea of how many Feet and Inches you are as a guy, because the differences seem so large between them, when in reality we're taking about 5/10cm differences, which is the length of half your forefinger and the full length of your forefinger. That's too embarrassing to be comparing men based on such small differences. For this reason I think being regarded as Normal Height or Not is much simpler and easier.

Oh and I also love that the modelling "industry" uses people for a couple of years and bins them, and requires women to look like pre-pubescent boys by being underweight. I'm yet to see a model that has enough energy to talk, in those Vogue Model Videos on YouTube... Vogue's iconic for having bad covers, boring models with no personality and even repulsive personalities on their socials, terrible fashion styling, TERRIBLE photos with hilarious funky 2010s "posing" with bland facial expressions and clout chasing the current "celebrities" and actors ( that aren't even movie stars but think they are one 🤣🤣 ) to put on their cover like some social climber so they stay relevant, and write boring lonely woman blogs they like to disguise as "articles" .

Some of the recent blogs I've just come across on Vogue ...

" Looks like chipped nails are now trending."

" Why hydrating serums are the ultimate skincare."

" 5 trending hairstyles."

" I dry body brush everyday. "

" What are the best colognes for men. "

.....crickets...... this sounds like if AI had to come up with generic article titles 🤣 I love the enthusiam Vogue editors have about "Unconventional Weddings in the Belgian Countryside" and "4 alternatives to Aperol Spritz" but they're not the central cultural megahouse they think they are. Infact, I urge people to go on Vogue.com, and go on the left hand menu and click on all the topics and look at the titles of all the articles and pretend these aren't written for Vogue. Instantly you'll notice how much of a niche magazine this actually is. You might as well be reading an unknown magazine that can't get its feet on the ground, with 3 readers.

And then it dawns on you... Vogue really is the high-end-escort sister of TMZ. Somehow got themselves next to all the rich people, no substance and conversation or actual credibility of being next to them, constantly chasing where the next rich client will come from. At least TMZ knows it's trashy 🤣 but the high end escort disguises its trashiness well... by wearing expensive clothes, surrounding themselves with the rich and famous and using a fancy font.

Never in my life have I thought Vogue was worth buying nor culturally relevant, the name itself is so terribly cheap and dated.... and the craziest and most embarrassing part of it all. The most powerful person in the fashion industry, can't dress. Big, thick & ugly dark sunglasses 🕶 with every outfit, wearing them inside and whilst talking to people.... Groundbreaking.

I like Anna Wintour as a business person... but what does she know about fashion? 🤣

Huge unflatteringly-colour-combined necklaces that look like cheap plastic that always mismatch the print of the clothes. I can't. Guys. I can't. This can't be the person representing fashion.

Why is this BTEC production of a magazine acting all mighty? Vogue is a monthly magazine of articles that have the same value of TikToks you scroll past and models you wouldn't turn twice to look at.

I know a sinking ship when I see one.

It's time for you to go . . .

#VoguesGoneRogue #VogueIsOut

#vogue is out #vogues gone rogue #models arent pretty

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bistevethor · 3 years

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Steve Rogers Fanfiction Recommendations

Happy birthday, Steve!

I know that there are some (a lot?) of steve fans who sometimes struggle to find fics focused on him, so I am here now putting a list of Steve fics. I was going to fics that I haven't seen recommended a lot and most of the ones on this post have less than 200 kudos only, but I end up putting everything (it's probably easier to put my bookmarks as public but well...). It's a massive list (over 100 fics?), so it's will be separated into several posts/reblogs.

Not all of them are from Steve's POV or even have him as the main 'main' character, but rest assured he played an important role and is featured heavily. Lots of these are friendship-focused but I categorized them. The shippy ones are mostly samsteve, thundershield, and some rare pairings because I don't venture to other ships a lot and when I did it's to the rare ones instead lol. Hopefully, any of you can find some gems from this list and these are as enjoyable or as good as I remembered. I'll continue to update it, hopefully, every time I find new ones.

Fics are under read more.

General

The Rocket's Red Glare

Steve was born on the Fourth of July (no joke), so a party is in order! Unfortunately, PTSD decides to rear its ugly head. Fortunately, Steve's got an entire team at his back to help him through it. And screaming goats.

an entry in the scrapbook of absurdity

In which Steve turns into a baby and bites people.

Baby Steve Adventures

Captain America gets hit by a spell during a battle. The rest of the Avengers look after him.

Do You Remember Being Happy? ('Cause I Sure Don't)

"Dragr," Thor called them. "Demons" Clint had said. "Thieves" is what Steve labels them as. AKA, the one where Steve is captured by creatures that feed off of happy memories, and the team is left to pick up the pieces. Post-Avengers.

In Search of (Bucky, Family, Home)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson

A week following the events of CATWS, Steve recruits Natasha and Sam to help find Bucky.

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Do we need to recap again? You were shot three times, beaten near to death by an enhanced super soldier with a metal arm and then almost drowned. Yeah, your ass is going to need a few more days of healing time.”

The Truth When Captains Meet

Steve Rogers wakes up on an alien’s space ship being carried bridal style by Carol Danvers. As far as first meetings go, it’s memorable.

Irish Coffee

Pairings: Jessica Jones & Steve Rogers

Jessica runs into an incognito Cap at a cafe. They form an unlikely friendship of sorts.

The Lifetimes of Steve Rogers (Series)

What happens when Steve Rogers steps onto the quantum platform to return the Stones? Where does he go? What challenges does he find? Who does he meet? How many lifetimes can one man have?

Fifty-Two Pickup

Less than a week after the fall of the Triskelion, Steve Rogers is released from the hospital. Although his physical wounds are almost fully healed, other injuries need a bit more time, and some help from friends.

little kids get big so fast

Steve ends up having to take care of the deaged Defenders.

Grampa Steve's Bedtime Stories

If Mommy was away for work, then Morgan’s Grampa Steve came over to stay with her. He’d tuck her in, let her give Mommy a kiss on video chat, then hand her the picture of Daddy for his kiss. Once Daddy’s picture was back on the bookshelf, Grampa Steve would turn off the bedside lamp so that Miss Friday could cover the ceiling with stars, and ask Morgan what story she wanted to hear.

“Captain Steve, Grampa! Tell me Captain Steve!”

Grampa Steve sometimes read to her from books and other times watched a movie with her, but her favorite by far was when he told her Captain Steve’s Adventures Through the Multiverse.

On Camping Trips

Sam is more Hermione than Natasha is, and Steve doesn't want to be Harry.

Powerful

Steve loses the advantages of the super-soldier serum. This is not a tragedy.

His Dream

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

As if on cue, Steve cut him off with a loud sneeze.

"Yeah. Like that." Sam nodded. "And please sneeze into your elbow next time, dude. You could've just started an epidemic."

"Sorry. Allergies." Steve excused, and Sam raised an eyebrow.

"How do you know it's allergies?" Sam asked, and Steve sighed, putting the ingredients together and solving the mystery of what the gas had actually done.

The answer wasn't ideal. "It feels like the seasonal allergies I had before. Before the serum- and I haven't had them since the serum."

Realization clicked in Sam's head.

"The gas de-serumed you."

Steve swallowed and nodded reluctantly.

OR: Steve gets temporarily de-serumed, with his height and stature staying the same but his immune system being as bad as it was before, and has to stay in the hospital to prevent a severe allergic reaction or illness. Sam stays with him the whole time, making sure he's not alone.

A Strange Encounter

Things have gone awry and Strange is injured. With no other options, he's called for assistance from Captain America and his team.

even if we're apart, i'll always be with you

Steve finds a dirty toy bear at an abandoned gas station, on the way back from a school trip. He brings him home.

As Long as You’re Not Tired Yet of Talking

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

When Steve Rogers tells her, “Don’t be a stranger,” as they’re all going their own ways after New York, it makes her want to laugh.

Draw/Breath

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Natasha like knowing what makes people tick. She likes knowing things, about her teammates and her coworkers and herself. Oddly enough, sometimes other people like knowing her too.

AKA: Natasha wants to know why Steve isn’t drawing anymore, and takes the long way round to get her answer. Because why not.

With Magic We Do Fly

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers

In Civil War we see Wanda fling Steve into the air with her magic. They must have practiced that, right?

Que Wanda throwing Steve against a wall. Many times.

Just Like We Practiced

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers

Steve had said, in the movie when he asked Wanda to lift him into the building, "Just like we practiced." But just how did they come up with the idea of her lifting people with her powers, and putting them up somewhere like an escalator? Perhaps it was because Wanda accidentally sent a certain tall, blond Avenger face-first into the floor once and he decided he would help her learn to utilize this as a confidence building exercise. Natasha keeps an eye, Thor and Sam help build the training grounds, and Wanda has found her new home. Takes place between AGE OF ULTRON and CIVIL WAR.

Black and White but Red and Blue

They're watching black and white film reels, but Steve sees them in colour.

"My shield may be black and white but it was red and blue. Just like the blue sky under which red blood was spilled. Like Bucky's blue eyes and Peggy's red lips..."

The Road Warriors

Characters: Sam Wilson (Marvel), Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Wanda Maximoff

It wasn't pretty, but somehow the four of them managed to make it through two years on the run.

We'll Fix It

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Steve has a hard time after his battle with The Winter Soldier and isn't sure what to do with himself. After not seeing him for a week, Natasha finally shows up to his apartment unannounced to figure out how they can get back to work. There is some crying involved.

From Here On Out

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

The Accords, the search for Bucky, the fight at the airport ... In a world where nothing will ever be the same, sometimes the road to rebuilding trust and friendship is a little rockier than it should be.

AKA, the story of Steve & Natasha and how they got to where they are.

Set post-Civil War but pre-Infinity War.

I have this breath and I hold it tight

Parings: Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers, Clint Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff & Vision

Steve finally goes to Wanda’s tiny room and taps on the doorframe, although it’s hardly necessary, with the slightly warped floorboards creaking under his feet. “Hey,” he says. “Got a minute?”

Wanda's been a little withdrawn since Steve broke everyone out of the Raft. She's had a lot to think about.

to you.

Pairings: Pietro Maximoff & Wanda Maximoff, Clint Barton & Wanda Maximoff, Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff & Steve Rogers, Wanda Maximoff & Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff & Tony Stark

It's Wanda's birthday today. She's not sure how to feel.

New Love

Pairings: Diana (Wonder Woman) & Steve Rogers

Near the end of World War II, Diana Prince finds herself attempting to reconnect to her long-gone, beloved Steve Trevor. However, she comes across Steve Rogers instead.

Sharing Life (And Canned Green Beans)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

It’s Thanksgiving, and Steve is hiding in the second living room on the 8th floor of the penthouse apartments with a can of green beans.

I'm Fine

Steve slowly began to realize that the problem with being a national icon, a hero, and a role model, is that somehow, he became more than human. He become a symbol, not a person. So when he becomes increasingly unhappy, deeply depressed, and utterly adrift in a world where he doesn't belong, the loneliness and isolation are unbearable. How could anyone believe that an iconic hero like himself was really just an ordinary kid from Brooklyn, dying inside because everything he'd gained still wasn't enough to replace everything he'd lost? How could he possibly bring himself to bleed on the ones he loves? So he tells himself the same lie over and over, hoping one day, he'll believe it.

dogpile

"My dog ate my mission report" An injured Steve remembers something he has to do. Unabashed Steve and dogs fluff. "Didn't peg you for a pet guy." "Allergies."

Alone In This World (Together)

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson

“We’re fugitives,” Steve said finally. “It might never get better.”

“The world’s always going to need saving," Sam replied. "We’re still Avengers. No one can take that away from us.” Then, like they hadn't been having an entire conversation before, “So when do we leave?”

“Once night falls.”

Do we have any idea where she is?”

“No.” Steve took a sip of his coffee. “But I know where she’ll be.”

it gets the worst at night

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov

Here's how it goes: Natasha sometimes shares a bed with Steve. It's not what it sounds like.

(In which there are Colombian drug lords, awkward boners, cuddly super-soldiers and the Avengers are all giant dorks.)

Shelter

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

Sam and Steve, right after the fall of SHIELD.

Princely Bickering

Pairings: Jane Foster/Thor, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers & Jane Foster, Steve Rogers & Thor

Steve allows Sam to lean up and inspect his head for bruises and blood. He then checks out Steve’s eyes. ‘Do you know where you are?’ Steve rolls his eyes. ‘Don’t be an ass, Cap, apparently you can break.’ ‘London, England, chasing apparently useless Hydra intel despite having about five hundred international arrest warrants out for us because we’re just that stupid,’ says Steve. Sam pats him - gently - on the shoulder. Life on the run isn't easy, especially not after an injury. Fortunately Steve still has a few allies left.

And The Seconds Tick Down

AU of Civil War. How the world ended in twenty steps when Steve died.

"Grant" and "Francis" Go Shopping

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

Steve and Clint both have holiday shopping to do for their family of choice, so they make a day trip to an outlet mall, have a few heart to hearts, use some coupons, buy a bunch of presents, and eventually get through their shopping lists.

A Tune Without Words

Pairings: Jane Foster/Thor, Steve Rogers & Thor, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

As he and Sam prepare to begin searching for Bucky, Steve gets various offers of help—some more unexpected than others.

Purpose

Tony Stark wins the fight in Siberia completely by accident.

Steve Rogers does not resist his arrest as he is taken to the Raft.

Sam Wilson, T'Challa, and Pepper Potts pick up the pieces.

Full of Wounds and Still Standing on my Feet

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Wanda Maximoff

The five times Steve looked out for Wanda, and one time Wanda decided someone needed to look out for Steve.

Three Awakenings

The first three times that Steve Rogers woke up during his first twenty-four hours in the twenty-first century.

Making Your Own Future

Characters: Steve Rogers, Diana Prince, Steve Trevor Five times -- plus one -- that Diana Prince and Steve Rogers encountered one another.

Better Living Through Pizza

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

Steve takes some time off from soldiering and Avengering to get his head on straight, and Clint is assigned to keep an eye on him, because apparently SHIELD believes in the blind leading the blind. Steve really needs a hobby, since modern television shows baffle him, but Clint keeps bringing him DVDs and pizza.

Five Times Clint Barton Spoke with Steve Rogers about Growing Old and the One Time He Didn't.

Pairings: Clint Barton & Steve Rogers

When Steve Rogers reappeared from the past as an old man, there was a lot of catching up to do. Clint Barton made sure nobody got left behind.

Hammer's Totally Heavy-Handed and Incompetent Revenge

"So, at the end of IM2, Justin Hammer swears revenge on Pepper. He waits until Tony and Rhodey are halfway across the world to launch his attack.

Unfortunately for him, thanks to SHIELD, Iron Man and War Machine aren't the only superheroes in Pepper's rolladex. Steve thinks Pepper's just swell and doesn't take too kindly to somebody trying to hurt her."

Cue badass!Steve and competent!Pepper

Fan Mail

Steve starts getting his fan mail and receives an invitation to the prom. Written for a prompt at the Avengers kink meme. It was a great prompt, and so much fun to write and get feedback for!

Prom. Steve 'Grandpa Iceberg' Rogers at a 21st-century high school prom. "This isn't happening. This whole conversation is just an elaborate practical joke. Bruce really just has orders for widgets or something."

Bruce waved the printouts at him. "Fraid not. I don't really do practical jokes. Messing with other people's moods just seems. I don't know. Karmically unwise."

Mascot

Steve runs. People see Steve run. Steve gets adopted by the neighbourhood he runs through every week day morning. He finds this confusing. Tony finds it amusing.

Locks Not Replaced

Tony angsts back at Avengers' HQ, Ross is a bully and Steve makes sure he doesn't get away with it. In other words, there is much regret, a bit on the philosophy of locks, adventure and far too many Robin Hood metaphors.

woof

For a prompt on the avengers kinkmeme: "...something different happens when Steve gets Dr Erskine's serum plus the Vita ray treatment... Steve does get taller and stronger, but when the first full moon hits, he turns into a big friendly looking dog. Yes, he's a weredog, not a werewolf."

Mission: Baby

Pairings: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

The Asset finds himself in charge of the care of a small baby, but somehow he knows—he has to protect the baby from all harm, whatever the cost.

14 Tracks

Pairings: Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Avengers Team 14 tracks from Steve's iPod and how they got on there.

Life Will Rattle Your Bones

Pairings: Erik Lehnsherr & Steve Rogers

Captain America and the Howling Commandos find Schmidt sooner than they thought... wait, what do you mean this is a *different* Schmidt?

In war-torn Germany, the paths of Steve Rogers and Erik Lehnsherr cross, part, and cross again.

come build me up

Pairings: Sharon Carter & Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

“Do you ever feel like -- like you joined up because you wanted to do good. You wanted to do the right thing but somewhere along the way, you just lost the whole fucking plot.”

“All of the time.”

Or: the one where Captain America and Agent 13 give long distance friendship a whirl.

Down in the Worn Out Place Again

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Wanda Maximoff

“You don't look a day over 85, Captain,” Wanda says.

Natasha smiles, just barely, and nudges Steve with her elbow. “She makes jokes now.”

(Post AoU, stories about friendship.)

Satellites

Characters: Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Tony Stark, Clint Barton, Nick Fury Pairings: Natasha Romanov & Steve Rogers, Minor Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

In the immediate aftermath of SHIELD's collapse and Steve's plunge into the Potomac, Natasha considers her place in the world. Also the fact that Steve is depressing.

Timeless Classics

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Avengers Team Five An undetermined number of times (six, apparently) Steve unexpectedly got the reference (sort of), and one time everyone discovered something new together.

you just wait and see

Pairings: Rocket Raccoon & Steve Rogers

“Thor said you’re the captain.” Rogers says, his voice distant, sad smile growing into a sadder grin. “Tough job.”

The Small Hours

Pairings: Steve Rogers & T'Challa, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

"I'm not getting him back, am I." The words were flatly delivered – not a question so much as fatigued resignation. "We will do everything we can to help him," T'Challa quietly replied, but he wouldn't lie, not about this. Not to a fellow warrior he respected on and off the field of battle. "The possibility does exist, however, that the triggers are permanent."

The Man We All Remember From the Newsreels

Still getting used to the twenty-first century, Steve comforts himself with memories of long-gone friends. But Howard Stark, the man Steve remembers, is nothing like the man he sees in the newsreels.

we're all choir boys at best

Characters: Steve Rogers, Johnny Storm

You are totally getting laid tonight. "Please stop talking." You hijacked my brain first, this is totally not my fault.

Epistaxis

Steve doesn't worry the first time he gets a bloody nose that won't quit. But when it happens a second, third, fourth... He, and his teammates, start to get concerned.

You Close Your Eyes and the Glory Fades

His body isn’t his own, he knows that, knew before the procedure that everything would change. That was the easiest thing to wrap his head around, actually, the physical changes. He’s used to his body betraying him, so this is just another thing to learn his way around. But the colors of everything, even the sliver of blue sky he could see, craning his head at the tiny window, look different.

Looking For Answers (From The Great Beyond)

After the Battle of New York is over, and Loki and the tesseract are returned to Asgard, Steve takes a road trip across the country, and tries to figure out what he wants to do next.

Mourning the Future

Steve's ties to the past and the future are pretty tenuous, and the serum ensures he lives in an eternal present state of ever-youthful vigour. When an old war buddy gets handed his last marching orders, Steve has to wonder if everyone will eventually leave.

Riviera Life

Sam and Steve have been traversing Europe looking for Bucky. Not everyone is convinced it isn’t an open invitation road trip.

Voluntary Bros.

Characters: Steve Rogers, Johnny Storm

"Dude, you could be twins, they tested you before they defrosted you to see if you were a clone or something, or if he was a clone," Clint said.

"I want to talk to him, I think. I mean, a girl threw her latte at me last week for not calling her back and this dude felt me up at an art gallery yesterday," Steve said.

Two Brooklynites and One Big Apple

Pairings: Miles Morales & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

“You did good out there today,” Captain America said, brushing a layer of detritus from his unfathomably broad shoulder. “I’ll see you around.”

“Not if I see you first,” replied Miles, fingergunning with one hand as he sent a web rope fwipping off into the distance with the other, catapulting himself away at tremendous speed.

... in which two superheroes battle with bad guys, embark on community art lessons, and a friendship forms along the way.

Battle Fatigue

Steve thought he was doing okay. Things weren't going great, but they were fine, manageable even, and then suddenly they weren't.

We Become New Yorkers (or: Five Times Steve Rogers Looked For Home, and One Time Home Found Him)

New York is a million cities at the same time. This is how Steve found his.

A beautiful day in the neighborhood

In which Steve and Peter learn that the best way to get through a bad situation is together. And to avoid collapsing buildings. And that concussions are terrible, terrible things.

Leviticus 25

"You want to save Bucky Barnes? You are going to have to put your own house in order first because he is going to need a rock to cling to. You are not ready to be that rock for him. You owe it to him -- and more importantly, you owe it to yourself -- to figure things out, figure out how you can be happy in this time and place, whether or not Barnes is with you."

Strike

Sometimes the road to recovery involves bowling. Conveniently, so does the one to the Grand Canyon.

Conversation in Wakanda

“I have been told that you had the privilege to share a training session with some of our Dora Milaje,” T’Challa says. “May I ask how it went?”

“Well,” the Captain huffs. “There’s no polite way to say it: I had my ass handed to me. Repeatedly.”

He sounds and looks utterly delighted.

Contact Light

Everyone thought computers would be the thing that really blew Steve's mind about the 21st century. They were wrong. When he finds out that he missed the moon landing, it's the start of an ongoing obsession with space that maybe involves Neil deGrasse Tyson, Twitter, and Star Trek marathons.

Twenty-Two

“This is Lucky,” Clint said when a dog got between him and Natasha. Lucky’s vest was bright, like desert mornings and night explosions.

“Does he help?” Natasha asked.

Clint pressed his hands flat on the counter behind him. “He saved my life.”

Natasha looked at Steve, her expression fierce. Steve resisted the urge to yank down his sleeves. Instead, he dug his nails into the puckered skin on his forearms.

AKA An AU in which Steve is a veteran just trying to survive (or not).

Gray

Peter doesn't expect Steve to show up at his house one night when he gets home from school. He also doesn't expect to have a long conversation with him, and choose to be on his side instead.

We're Happy, Free, Confused, and Lonely at the Same Time.

"Tony isn't sure, but he *thinks* Steve Rogers is going to try and argue with him about not being a kid, while wrapped up in a fluffy blanket and plaid pyjama pants watching a Disney movie. Tony really hopes that is the case. The Captain America voice looses all affect when wrapped up in that blanket and Tony can't wait to inform him as such." - The one where Tony realises that Captain America and Steve Rogers are not the same person, and Steve is so much younger then he thought.

This Isn't A Love Song, This Isn't A Fable

Steve's not OK with people's perception of Captain America, no matter what he says or how much he pretends otherwise. It's like no one in this time period realizes that there's more to him than a spangly outfit. And yes, he's including the Avengers in that. ... or, the one where everything's all right, until it's not.

it's safe here in our new world

Post TWS. In which Natasha and Steve go shopping, have Thursday night movie nights, and learn that Natasha loves to platonically kiss Steve. Which is good, because Steve loves being platonically kissed by Natasha.

Shadowboxing

Pairings: Matt Murdock & Steve Rogers

It doesn’t matter how many times you fall – what matters most is how many times you get back up. Steve Rogers knew this lesson far too well and it was one Matt Murdock had endured all his life. With both men at their lowest, could a chance friendship bring each of them to their feet again?

Everybody Eats When They Come to My House

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

“You’ll ruin your dinner,” Sam says, gesturing with Steve with his spatula.

i fear for the calendar; its days are numbered

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

Before she goes off the grid, Natasha gives Steve her phone number. He’s honored that he’s the only one to be trusted with it, but quickly learns that she spends most of her free time texting him Dad jokes.

Status Quo Ante

Pairings: James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers

A tale in which Sam suspects he should be used to this by now, for values of 'this' that involve certain folks he hangs out with and situations he finds himself in, Team Cap becomes Team Ex-Cap becomes TBD, and nobody but Clint really wants to know what happened to Scott Lang's GI Joes. (Sam Wilson from the final scene to the mid-credits scene.)

The Glass Parade

Pairings: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov

Steve thinks that he’s seen Natasha be at least three different people in the short time he’s known her, and he isn’t sure which one is real.

In which the most confusing part of the future is how much Steve has in common with Natasha, and the fact that she seems dead-set on being his friend.

Still Life

Steve Rogers and a very modern form of art therapy. (The one where Steve draws himself out of despair and into some notoriety when his cartoons hit the internet, but he's still not allowed to look at Tumblr without an okay from Pepper.)

Selective Service

The serum's given Steve a lot, but it hasn't taken anything away from him. Not even the things he never wanted in the first place.

I'm a Hustler, Baby

Steve Rogers has a talent for pool--and for making others believe he's terrible at it.

The Healing Properties of Felt-Tip Pens

Rapid healing has worked wonders on Steve Rogers' body, but occasionally it really screws with his head. In the aftermath of torture, Bruce Banner helps Steve to reconcile mind and body.

If I Die Before I Wake

It's his job, as their leader, to endure the sadistic focus of their captor, and that is the one thought that carries Steve through.

Even Gods Do

Captain America doesn't have a good relationship with sleep anymore. Also, he's not a toy.

Under My Skin

Written for a prompt on avengerkink: I want to see something where, for whatever reason, Steve's accelerated healing turns out to be a bad thing. Something where the faster healing is making things worse. I would prefer something other than the standard, super-healing allows for more torture without death. “He's lucky – to have the serum, to have you all.” Tony wasn't sure about that first part. When one faced death and destruction every day on the job, there were many advantages to having a healing factor...and a great many disadvantages as well.

A Glossary of the 21st Century

Pairings: pre-Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov

Steve's sick of not understanding what's going on, and the team are not all that helpful, so he starts keeping an illustrated notebook for further research. With the help of wiki, google and Logan he starts to settle in and find his place in the twenty-first century.

Blanket Gift Policy

“You didn’t,” Bucky said, with no real hope of being contradicted. Clint shrugged helplessly and passed him the large, soft bundle wrapped in shiny purple foil.

“Sorry.” Tony covered his eyes with one hand.

“I’m getting a migraine.”

“So,” Bruce said wearily, “counting Clint, me, Bucky, Tony, and Sam, that brings it up to five.”

“Excuse you, mine’s not a blanket,” Sam said. “Mine’s a slanket. Big difference.”

Bucky resisted the urge to throw the whole heap of parcels at Sam’s head. “Because it has sleeves? It’s still a blanket, Wilson. They’re all blankets. Even Thor’s direct-from-Asgard raven gift delivery was a cloak, which just means it’s a blanket with a strap. We all got Steve a goddamn blanket.”

One Tin Soldier

Written for a prompt at avengerkink: Because really, under any other circumstances, why would they follow him when he's some guy who's younger than the rest of them (time as a Capsicle aside), who goes around wearing that spangly outfit, who's not even used to the modern world? Why Steve Rogers, rather than a Norse god or the CEO of Stark Industries or anyone else?

“Love is for children,” she'd said, but respect knew no such bounds. The five times the Avengers accepted Steve as their leader, and the one time they followed without question.

and if there's life we'll see it

Steve is instantly taken with this idea of having the picture of the person calling you flash on your screen when they ring your cell.

Secure Your Own Oxygen Mask (Before Assisting Others)

Steve keeps going, because they need him. Being Captain America - having the serum - is a responsibility and a privilege he takes seriously, and he won't waste it by sitting around resting in the middle of a crisis. But then the work is over, and the original victims of the crisis aren't the only ones needing looking after.

Way of the Eagle

Clint introduces Steve to kung-fu movies. Things escalate quickly.

Walking Wounded

In the aftermath of the battle against the Chitauri, Steve's doing just fine. Until he's not. Fortunately, Thor is a perfect mother-hen, Tony makes decent back-up, JARVIS is a genius, and Soap Operas are life-changing. (Or, Post-Shawarma Feels.)

#steve rogers #fic rec #pro steve rogers #i guess i'll tag the ships #samsteve #thundershield

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yourmcu · 4 years

Text

V-Day

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Summary:

You’re not like most people who enjoys Valentine’s Day. Can a certain redhead change that?

A/n: just a late valentine related imagine for all of u bc I’m incapable of posting this sort of stuff on the exact day. enjoy! (I’m finally using this iconic gif don’t mind me)

Word count: 1,753

Warnings: fluff

The 14th of February is just another normal day for you. You always find Valentine’s Day cheesy, you don’t see the point of celebrating it. That sort of thing isn’t as important as Christmas or Halloween. Not that you're bitter because you're single, you couldn’t care less about that, it just isn’t the occasion for you.

Tony outdone it this year. The compound looks like it was powdered pink and red overnight from all the decorations when you step out of your room. You almost don’t want to know what the main area looks like. Sam and Wanda are probably getting started on breakfast which would consist of everything shaped like hearts.

Your plan for the day is to stay in your room, only coming out for snack and drink refills, simple as that.

“Hey, Happy Valentine’s...” you pretty much tone out every v-day greeting that came your way, rolling your eyes playfully as you sit down with everyone, greeting them with the usual good morning. You expect the compound to be deserted by midday since surely all of them have plans with their partners for the rest of the day, which is perfect. For you. And for them, of course, yeah.

Sam and Bucky made their way to you. “So, Y/N, how are you?” Sam greets. You already suspect that they were hyping you up for something. “Food good, coffee good... sleep well?”

You turn to them with a smile on your face. “Alright, what do you want?”

“Well,” Bucky lets out a breathy laugh. “Sam here was just helping me-”

“That is not what’s happening. What he wanted to say was,” the birdman cuts him off. “We both wanted to take you out to dinner tonight, we can’t settle on who, so we’re letting you pick.”

You blink. They have to be joking. Do they not notice your routine during this time of the year? After socializing with the team you’d grab a day’s worth of snack, head back to your room, lock the door and lose your mind on video games until the next day.

Unhealthy, but it's for one day.

“Only if you want to,” Bucky adds hastily.

“Come on, this is a chance of a lifetime!” Sam insists, wiggling his eyebrows.

“We’ll go to your favorite restaurant.”

“It’s just a friendly date.”

What you fail to notice was Natasha listening to the events happening. Her foot taps against the floor as she discreetly waits for your response, taking coffee sips and bites of food and looking away whenever she looked like she's eavesdropping. No one else is paying attention, everyone has their own conversations.

Inside, she pleads that you’d turn both of them down, just because she’s planning to ask you out herself. They just beat her to it.

“I appreciate the thought but I’m sorry, I have plans,” you shrug. “Why don’t you take each other out instead? Not literally.” You give them another smile and walk out of the room, coffee in hand.

Sam and Bucky nods indicating they understood. Sam tells his friend that if he had more appeal you’d agree to the date. But they take you up on your advice, already planning a guy’s night.

Natasha almost cheers when she hears the first part, only to spiral when she hears that someone had already asked you beforehand. You're unavailable. She could ask you out any day, but you deserve something extra special. She sees this day as her only chance to confess her feelings for you.

Her eyes trail you as you walk out, turning to Wanda when you were out of sight. “Do you have any idea who asked Y/N out?”

“I don’t,” Wanda replies, a bit distracted. “They’re lucky, I’ve never seen Y/N show interest in anyone since I met her. Anyway, I have to go, Vision and I have a whole day planned...”

Natasha huffs while people slowly file out of the kitchen. As far as she knows, Tony's with Pepper, of course, Wanda and Vision, Steve is probably going to join Sam and Bucky on their night out, and Clint is back at his farm celebrating with his wife.

And you’re with that person, which most likely someone who isn’t on the team otherwise she’d know. She's left by herself to mope.

Few hours have passed, maybe three, it’s lunchtime. As you suspected the compound is empty, so you make your way to the kitchen to make yourself something to eat.

Boxed mac and cheese is the only thing you knew how to make.

“Y/N?”

You almost drop your stirring spoon at the sudden voice. You feel embarrassed about your choice of outfit, you feel and look like a grizzly bear while she looks stunning, even if it’s just plain workout clothes.

“Hey, Nat.”

“I thought you were... out with someone?” Knowing you, she might’ve misunderstood when you said you ‘had plans’. You look so cozy she would love to hug you on the spot if she isn’t so sweaty.

You let out a curious hum, turning off the stove. “I was?” You giggle. “Where’d you hear that?”

“I didn’t, just, I assumed you’d be,” she mutters and finishes her water bottle.

You're now grabbing a bowl for the mac and cheese you made. “I mean, Sam and Bucky did ask me if I wanted to but... y’know, if I’m being honest they’re not really my type.” You pause to look at her who was staring back. “Have you eaten? This batch I made is enough for three people, I think.”

Natasha nods at your offer. “They did say it was a friendly date.”

You stop scooping the macaroni and perk your head up with a grin. “So you were listening.”

“Not like I had any choice, I was in the same room.” Quick save.

“Mmhm.”

Then there's a minute of comfy silence as you clean the area you made the meal on, putting the pot away and stuff.

“Why don’t you have a date today?”

“What?”

“Anyone would kill to go on a date with you, Nat.” Is what you say in your head. But instead you say, “Well, you know, I didn’t expect you be here too.”

Natasha shrugs and before she could answer you add, “No one’s caught the notorious Black Widow’s attention yet?”

She chuckles at your words, looking up at you. “Who did you think I’d go out with?”

“I dunno, Steve-”

“God, no,” she quickly cuts you off and laugh, you laugh along but at the same time sigh in relief.

“Crap, I just remembered I have a game to finish,” you hold the bowl of cheese and macaroni and stick two spoons on the side. “I’m cordially inviting you to my room, you are very much welcome, after you change.”

Natasha tells you she’ll see you there in a bit.

“Huh. I just noticed you do this every Valentine’s Day,” Natasha notes as she takes everything in. Your PlayStation's on, your trash bin is almost full of snack wrappings, couple of beers tucked at the side of your bed. “Cozy.”

“Why, thank you,” you say sarcastically, picking up a controller and waving a vacant one at her. “Feel free. Or you can just watch me fail at this game.”

Natasha decides to join the game a little later, now she's lost in thought on how someone like you spends such a day like this, or how beautiful you looked as your eyes dart at every direction of the screen and how you sometimes bite your lip when you're that focused in the game.

It's always the little things she likes about you.

Glancing at you one more time before eating a spoonful of mac, she turns back to the TV to watch how you're doing.

But you're witty, kind and easy to get along with, why wouldn’t you have a date - or why wouldn’t you want a date on Valentine’s Day?

If only you knew how she feels, she’d make sure to treat you well. Like you deserve. She’d take you on dates you’d enjoy every time the 14th rolls by. If you don’t like the holiday for some reason she’d find a way-

“NO WAY,” you cover your mouth and bump your head to Natasha’s shoulder in defeat, making her come back from her trance to look at the big red words on the screen, indicating you lost. “I almost had it!”

Natasha leans into your touch and pats your back. “You can try again.”

You groan. “I definitely will but for now, I’m gonna take a break.”

“Great,” she shifts a bit to get comfy, switching to Netflix and choosing whatever’s trending right now. “I’m just curious but, do you like someone?”

You hum in response, sipping on a beer, not completely processing what she said. “I - yeah. I guess so,” you tug the blanket closer and pout at the movie that’s on. You don’t like romance movies. You always prefer an action or a mystery one any day. “Do you?”

Natasha feels her heart ache for a moment. “Yeah. She’s kind and sweet, goofy but can still seriously kick your ass type.” Your eyes land to her hands. You knew fully well Natasha isn’t straight, she admitted and definitely doesn’t act like it. “There’s just something about her that makes me... love her.”

“She sounds great,” you mumble, starting to get lost in your own thoughts. “I guess I just-” you hesitate, just because the woman you're about to describe is the same one sitting next to you. “I feel bad for her that someone like me likes her.”

“Why would you think that?” Natasha chuckles, shaking her head.

You shrug. “She’s amazing. So out of my league, I’d say she’s so close but so far away but that would be really cheesy and ugly,” you laugh. “I don’t know, she deserves way better.”

Natasha hums. “Sometimes I think she needs to her worth, because what she doesn’t know is, she’s very much amazing in her own way.”

Looking up at her from her shoulder, your eyes light up and you don’t know when it happened, but you just found her lips pressed against yours softly.

Even if it was just a short kiss you feel breathless when she pulls away to look at you again.

“Just so we’re clear, we’re just describing each other like idiots right?”

“Yeah.”

Natasha leans in to kiss you again.

---

oh my god I want a hug

[shameless plug] check out my natasha romanoff ambience here

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honklore · 3 years

Text

invisible string | dreamwastaken

(requested plot by red string of fate soulmate au, dream is still a streamer, reader has commitment issues, dream just wants someone to love, chat is the best wingman, sapnap and george try but they suck, reader is timid but dream makes them feel brave, taylor swift references, this is not very deep or poetic at all, i don’t like typing y/n so after this i’m going to move to ___)

listen to: invisible string by taylor swift

In kindergarten, red strings were simply a crafting tool, and teachers never mentioned how much pain they would eventually bring.

Because when they appear, from a child’s eighteenth birthday and beyond, they tighten like a godforsaken high school ring that came in one size too small. Like the universe is a child tugging their mother towards the ice cream truck, you’re pulled around central Florida, passes faces you can’t memorize and voices too garbled to hear.

The string knows where you need to go, and when.

And you’re at the park, feeding ducks and trying to ignore that incessant pull that tugs at your pinky, when you hear it.

It’s a voice you know only because it’s a voice that’s been in your house before. At least, through your brother’s tablet screen. Some gamer online — a streamer, with a distinct wheezing laugh that you’d recognize anywhere.

And you do. Behind you.

You risk a small peak, and your heart drops into your chest. He’s tall. Too tall to not intimidate you. And his sandy hair is wavy, curling at the collar of his sweatshirt, falling perfectly into place when he runs his hands through it. When he does, you see it, the red string.

Which means he could see it too. All he’d have to do is turn around.

But you’re not ready. You haven’t been, not since you watched your cousin get rejected on her eighteenth birthday. Since you watched a string of fate get clipped in front of you, like the three fates had finally had enough of your cousin’s happiness.

It was enough to make you curl into yourself, and reject the natural pull set before you. So you run, and you try not to think of what would’ve happened if he saw you before you saw him. You try not to feel the clippers, but the blade feels tangible against your skin.

You don’t stop running until you arrive home.

“Hey chat, just wanted to do a few practice runs and catch up with you guys,” Dream mumbles into the mic, already restarting his game after deciding he didn’t like his seed. The donos begin rolling in, even before Sapnap and George have unmuted, so Dream flits his eyes to the display screen, subconsciously reading along with the text-to-speech voice, “Dream, what if we shared a string of fate? Ahaha, just kidding... unless... love you bestie.”

Dream chuckles, “Actually chat, I felt a tug today! Isn’t that weird? I was actually reading up on what that could mean, and it seems like either my soulmate is in a lot of distress, or they were in my vicinity. I’m hoping, for their sake, it’s the second one. How would you even comfort a soulmate if all you can do is tug on a stupid string?”

“Simp!” George finally unmutes just to be annoying, and Dream knows soulmates are a touchy spot for him, considering he wasn’t given a string on his eighteenth. Which is strange, but not impossible. Of course, chat doesn’t know this, because it would give them more hope of becoming George’s metaphorical soulmate, but it certainly makes for awkward conversations once Dream and Sapnap get into their own soulmate bonds.

“I’m not simping, George!” Dream feels a bit defensive, because he’s genuinely just curious. He has no interest in meeting his soulmate right now. At least, that’s what he tells himself. He has his streams, and his friends, and chat. He’s fine.

[abbywastaken donated $10: dream why don’t you go back to where you felt the pull and see if you feel it again? that’s how i found my soulmate. okay luv u bye.]

“Thanks, Abby. Love you, too. Um, honestly I was in a pretty public place, so I don’t know if they would even come back anytime soon. Also, this is Orlando, right? Tourists are everywhere.”

Sapnap snorts, and Dream thinks it’s funny, since he’s in the other room. “Just say you’re a coward and go.”

“I’m not!” Dream says. “It was just a small pull, okay? It wasn’t even a big deal.”

He feels another lurch when he says that, but this one is in his chest. It taps against his heart, a quick reminder that it beats for someone else, and he needs to watch his words. “Okay, it was a big deal. Sort of. I’ll go tomorrow, okay chat?”

Chat is spamming all types of messages, from encouragement to jealousy. Dream manages to read off a few donos and create his first nether portal of the stream. He answers as they appear, eyes scanning for a fortress. “No, I didn’t see them… I’m not telling you guys where I was, that’s weird… I’m wearing a sweatshirt and jeans… Hi, Sarah and Patrick…”

He trails off as the donos do, and works at getting blaze rods. George is talking about a riddle he just learned, and he’s trying to trick Sapnap into saying something stupid.

Lost in his own thoughts, he finally closes the stream after a hasty goodbye. “What if I missed my chance?” He asks the two boys on the other line.

“It’s a string of fate, Dream,” George says. “You didn’t miss your chance.”

“Maybe they saw how ugly you are and ran away,” Sapnap says, completely joking, but the thought lingers in Dream’s head.

Did they feel the tug, and run away?

You pour cereal for yourself, and when your brother shuffles into the kitchen, you make him a bowl as well.

He’s eleven, and as little brothers go, he’s pretty chill. Aside from the inappropriate jokes and hogging the bathroom when you have to get ready for work, you like hanging around with him.

You pass him his bowl, and he grins. “I’m gonna watch Dream’s new video on the TV, since mom’s not home.”

You furrow your brows. Dream must be one of the dozens of streamers he likes. Maybe one of his friends will be in chat with him, and you will be able to connect a voice to a face. “Can I sit with you?”

He gives you an odd look, and it’s true, you don’t ask to watch videos with him often. “I guess.”

You eat a spoonful of cereal and settle into the couch while he gets everything ready. He clicks on a lime green icon of a little white blob man, and when the first video appears, you’re taken aback by the voice.

That’s the voice you heard. It’s this one, out of all the random men yelling about a block game. It’s Dream.

“Why doesn’t he show his face?” You manage, wanting information about the person that shares your string.

“What?”

“Like, he’s handsome, right? Why doesn’t he have a facecam?”

Your brother snorts. “Handsome? He’s never shown his face, Y/n. Don’t you know who Dream is? He’s like, super famous.”

“Oh.” You think of his golden hair, as sunny and soft as the glow around his entire being. His voice right now, joyous as he gets chased by his friends. “I mean, I don’t keep up with streamers.”

He begins to explain Dream and his friends, along with lore in their role play server, and it’s all interesting enough that you sit and listen, holding on to the little bits of information you can collect about your soulmate.

You file these facts in a secluded corner of your brain and try to make a whole person, along with the hair and the laugh and the intense music he plays as he gets hunted by his friends.

By nightfall, you’re following all of his socials and binge-watching his old streams, holding on to the way he speaks to his friends, and the fond way he replies to donos.

[dreamwastaken is live!]

You click on it, bundled underneath your covers as if someone might see you and find out your secret.

“Hi, chat! I know I was just live yesterday, but I cut it too short and wanted to come talk to you guys.”

He uses his avatar to wave at the screen, and it’s kind of an adorable sight.

[gogysimp donated $25: did you go see your soulmate?]

Your heart stops. Does he know? Did he see you? Or even worse, has he already found someone else, and he just hasn’t severed the tie?

“No!” Dream’s laugh pulls you out of your worries. “I was busy with meetings today, actually. And I was too nervous. Sapnap also refused to come with me, so I’m just going to go another day.”

So he didn’t see you. He just knows you were there.

You click the donate tab before you can stop yourself.

[y/n donated $1: would you reject your soulmate if you didn’t like them?]

Dream mumbles the question, and you try to ignore the way your heart deflates when he skips saying your name. “I don’t think so,” he states plainly. “I mean, logically, a soulmate would be your other half, so I wouldn’t not like them. But I know some people just don’t click, or there are other issues. So, I don’t know. I guess the only thing I can say is that I don’t want to reject them. And I hope they don’t reject me. I mean, imagine finding out your soulmate is a Minecraft Youtuber. That would be pretty weird…”

You giggle to yourself as he trails off and answers another donation. So he’s against rejection. Okay. Maybe you have a chance.

[kyra donated $60: i’m your soulmate.]

“Meet me where you felt the tug, then,” Dream says sassily. “Chat, don’t be weird, okay? I can’t control who my soulmate is, and I don’t want you guys to exclude them if they become a pat of my life.”

Oh, you think. So his chat is vocal about their opinions, and apparently they mean a lot to him. You shiver despite your warm position and imagine how annoying you might seem to his loyal viewers: someone who only knew about him because of their brother.

Insecurity pushes against your chest, so you close the stream and push your phone away, hoping to forget this ever happened, that maybe you won’t have to deal with the inevitable if you don’t think about it.

Yogurt Barn isn’t the first place on your list of dream jobs, but it has decent pay and helps you pay off student loans, so you appreciate it nonetheless. The teal sweatshirt they gave you as a uniform keeps you warm as you scoop the frozen treats.

Your coworker, a girl named Madison, is busy manning the counter, so you check each flavor and refill the ones running empty.

“Can I ask you a question?” Madison met her soulmate, Anna, only days after she got her string. It was a textbook romance, two people meant for each other, no doubt in anyone’s mind. She might be able to help you now. That is, if you can even admit to who your soulmate is.

“What’s up?”

“I felt the tug,” you say, avoiding her eyes in favor of restacking the medium cups.

“No way!” Madison is perky in a way that makes you want to be included. You like this about her. “Did you see them? Did you talk to them?”

“He—” You want to say that the part of him you saw was perfect, enough to keep you up when you should be dreaming. But reality is nothing if not disappointing. “I ran.”

“Y/n…” Madison gives you a stern look — like a mother finding out their child didn’t defrost the chicken in time. “Why would you run?”

“I don’t want to be rejected.” The magenta swirls painted onto the walls are a stark change to the clay sidewalks of the strip mall. “And before you say he wouldn’t… It’s happened to my cousin. It’s possible.”

Madison frowns. “But that can’t be the only reason, right? I mean, we all know someone who has been rejected. It’s usually not the end of the world for them.”

“He’s a famous streamer,” you blurt, and you’re thankful the shop is as empty as it is. Just the words themselves sound fake.

Madison snorts. “Like, gaming? That’s what’s holding you back? He’s a gamer?”

“I don’t care that he’s a gamer!” You hiss. “I care that he has a loyal fanbase who more than likely all want to be his soulmate!”

“You can’t say that for certain,” Madison says. “I mean, everyone knows about the soulmate system. If you watch someone and don’t feel the pull, you know they aren’t your soulmate, right? So why wouldn’t they accept you?”

“I don’t know,” you say. “I’m just scared. I mean, he’s got this huge following and everything and I’m just me. I work in a yogurt shop for goodness’ sake.”

You head into the back to grab more cups, and the bell rings, signaling a new customer.

“Welcome to Yogurt Barn, what can I get for you?” Madison’s customer service voice pricks your ears.

You sift through the boxes to find the smaller cups and listen to the customer’s order. “Can I have a strawberry cone?”

Your string pulls, that same familiar voice filling your head, not on the screen but once again just a few feet away. He’s infiltrating your life, so close you could reach out and touch him, but it’s such a terrifying thought that you set down the cups.

You tear off your apron, and run into the break room to grab a water and calm yourself down.

It’s ten minutes before Madison comes back to find you. “Hey, are you okay? You disappeared.”

You take a deep breath and stare at the poster on the wall. It’s brightly colored, with a walking yogurt cup waving and reminding employees to wash their hands before scooping. “That was him. The guy— the pull— Dream— I can’t— Does he know? Is he following me?”

“It’s okay,” Madison runs her hand down your back. “It’s okay. He isn’t following you. When the pull starts it tends to draw the couple together until they meet. He probably doesn’t know it’s you.”

You nod and take your breaths in gulps. “Okay. Yeah, you’re right. You’re right.”

“Why don’t you go home early, okay?”

Dream is live again.

Fresh out of the shower, you pull a t-shirt over your body and burrow into your blankets. Earbuds in, you try to focus on the sound of his voice, ignoring every ounce of anxiety that’s been riddling your mind.

“Hi, chat. I’m gonna practice speed runs again. I think George is joining soon.”

You open the chat and scroll through the emotes, clicking the ones you like and sending them, just to calm yourself down.

[kylo donated $5: did you find your soulmate?]

Dream laughs. The sound makes your chest tighten with longing. Your fingers ache. “Actually, I went to the place I felt the pull again. I dunno what I was expecting, but they didn’t show up. But after that, I was running some errands and I felt it, chat! I felt the pull again.”

He trails off while his character starts to look for a lava pool. “I feel discouraged but I don’t want to like, chase them, you know? I don’t want to scare them off.”

You click the donation tab again.

[y/n donated $1: maybe your soulmate heard your voice and got scared of you because they watch your videos.]

It’s not the total truth, but it might help him sleep better. You don’t want him to feel discouraged, but you can’t bring yourself to follow the pull.

“That could be a possibility…” Dream crafts a portal and sends his character through. “But I wish I could talk to them. I wish I could tell them that it’s okay. Like, we don’t have to rush into anything.”

[y/n donated $1: They probably wish they could talk to you too]

“Thanks, Y/n.” He sucks in a breath as soon as he says your name. The Minecraft pause screen appears and the sound of a discord call can be heard.

Your heart pounds in your chest. Something about him saying your name just solidified everything. Your arms feel hot and cold all at once, like you’ve just been thrown in a frozen lake. He has to be feeling it too.

“Chat, I gotta go, okay? I’ll try to stream again soon.”

“Hello?” A sleepy voice comes in through Dream’s earbuds.

“George! Their name is Y/n!” Dream is so excited, his voice raising a few octaves as he talks. “Someone donated with that name and I felt like, super weird. I didn’t feel it until I said the name out loud.”

“That’s crazy,” George says, monotone but supportive. “Do you think the dono is actually them?”

“I don’t know,” Dream scrolls through their past donos and quickly screenshots each one. “I mean, they definitely could be.”

He shares the pictures in their group chat.

George hums. “It sounds like they’re trying to tell you how they feel without admitting that it’s them. Where did you say you felt a pull?”

“At the park, and at the yogurt shop down the road.”

“So go there again. Maybe all they need is a little courage. If you feel the pull this time, you should follow it.”

Dream thinks about it for a moment before finally agreeing. He changes the subject to their next jackbox stream, and George is now happily talking about how they’re going to team up against Sapnap.

He goes into Sapnap’s room that night. He sits on his desk chair while Sapnap sits cross legged on his bed, scrolling through his phone. “Do you wanna get frozen yogurt tomorrow? My treat.”

“Hell yeah!”

The new strawberry-lemonade custard is a hit. Not only are the colors aesthetically pleasing for the teenagers who want a nice snapchat story, but there was a promotional coupon in the mail that has people lining up to the door.

“It’s not even that good,” you tell Madison while the two of you are on break. You’re both using a sample spoon to try out the new summer flavors, and in your opinion, strawberry-lemonade isn’t even the best one. “Blood orange is better.”

Madison wrinkles her nose. “No, blue raspberry is best.”

“It’s sour, though,” you say.

“Guys! Break’s over and you’ve got a line!” Your manager stares disapprovingly at the cups of custard the both of you are indulging in.

“We’re coming.” You toss the cup into the trash and walk out, scratching at the sudden itch on your pinky finger.

Pulling on your gloves, you grab a scoop and address the first customer, “Welcome to Yogurt Barn.”

“Hi!”

You still like you’ve been caught stealing on camera. You look up, hand clutching the scoop so tightly you can feel the cold steel through your gloves.

It’s Dream.

It’s him. He’s tall, and his hair is a sunshine blond, dark at the roots and curling beneath his ears. And his freckles… little spots all across his cheeks so endearing that you get a little distracted staring at them.

Then he’s talking, and you have to focus on his jade-green eyes, not his lips, which are a warm pink. “It’s you.”

You blink. Fear strikes your spine and you drop the scoop. “I gotta go.”

“Wait!” Dream calls, just as Madison shouts your name.

You exit out the back door again. Your heart is pounding against your chest, ribs expanding, and all you can hear is the sound of your name coming out of his lips, just last night through a screen.

“Y/n?” Only it’s in front of you, a few feet away, and he’s searching your eyes for any reassurance that you won’t run away again. That you won’t reject him. “That’s your name right?” He keeps talking, a nervous smile flitting across his face. “The donos? That was you?”

You can see the string now, red and blaring, tightening with each step Dream takes. It’s signing off your fate, for better or for worse, and you can’t fathom why he’s trying so hard, why he cares so much.

It’s hot in Florida but you feel cold, chilled to the bone. You straighten up. You figure you owe it to him to look up in the eye.

He leaves you breathless, eyes shining in the sun. “It was me,” you say. “You’re Dream.”

“Clay, actually,” he says. His smile widens, and it’s magnificently bold. He’s triumphant, just from your reply, and that alone gives you the slightest bit of hope.

“Clay,” you say. “I’m— I’m not— I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“You don’t have to be.” Clay is quick to reply, hands open and palms up. It’s a complete surrender — putting it all in your hands. “We don’t have to announce it. We don’t have to be anything at all, if you need time. But I would like to be your friend. If— If that’s okay.”

But you want to be close to him. The draw of your strings pulling each other closer and closer makes you want to wrap your arms around him. If he hasn’t rejected you, maybe you can do this. “I– I want to be more than friends, but I’m terrified of you rejecting me. I’m afraid of the string getting cut.”

Clay set his brows, “I won’t let that happen. We’re connected. Fate, ya know?”

“Yeah,” you breathe, and it’s a sigh of relief. “Okay. Maybe I’ll give you my number?”

“I’ll give you mine!” Clay is animated, holding out his hand for your phone. “That way you can text me when you’re ready.”

The red string shines like gold in the Florida sun, and when your fingertips brush, it burns with a satisfying warmth.

#dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken fluff #dreamwastaken fanfic #dreamwastaken x you #mcyt au #dreamwastaken au #mcyt x reader #mcyt fluff

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dottielovegood · 3 years

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ASMR - chapter 3

Elriel fanfiction

About this fic:

Azriel can’t sleep Elain has an ASMR channel Match made in heaven (or you know, on youtube..)

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You can find chapter 1 here and chapter 2 here Read this fic on AO3

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Chapter 3

Luckily for Azriel, the next day was a Saturday, which meant that he didn’t have to go to work. The only plan he had that day was his gym appointment at 7.00 in the morning, just like every other day. Cassian and Rhys often gave him shit for going to the gym that early in the morning on weekends, but they had partners to enjoy the days with. Azriel did not, which meant that working out was a good way to pass time. Especially for someone like Azriel who didn’t sleep and seemed to have more hours to his days than most regular people did.

However, today he woke up to the sun shining in through his window. He picked up his phone to check the time and was surprised to see that it said 9.23. He never slept that late. And he never slept that well.

She made me miss my gym appointment, Azriel thought to himself and couldn’t help but smile. And then it hit him. It was 9.23. That meant that Flower Girl ASMR would call him in exactly 37 minutes, and he hadn’t even had coffee yet. Azriel quickly got out of bed and hurried to the kitchen. While the coffee was brewing he jumped into the shower. He didn’t know why, but it felt wrong to be on the phone with her without having a shower first. Just like it would feel wrong to show up to a date without showering.

This is not a date, he told himself as he tied the towel around his hips and walked back into his kitchen. Azriel lived in a studio apartment, which meant that his ‘kitchen’ was actually a corner of his living room/bedroom. It was quite big for a studio apartment and he could easily fit his bed, a big sectional, and a dining room table in the room. There were exposed bricks on one wall which gave it a rustic feeling, and the white sleek details everywhere else made it feel modern and minimalistic - just like Azriel preferred.

Azriel leaned against his counter and sipped his coffee. He glanced at the clock on the wall which told him that he had 15 minutes left before the phone call. His hands were sweating. Was it because the coffee was so warm? Azriel tried to tell himself that the coffee was the reason for his warm hands, but it was more difficult to find an explanation for the butterflies in his stomach.

He was nervous. Not because of what they were going to talk about - he could probably guide someone through this in his sleep. But because she made him nervous. It’s one thing to see someone in a video and talk via DMs and an entirely different thing to facetime that person. What if she thought that he was ugly?

As the thought entered his mind, he shook his head as if trying to shake the thought away. Why did he care? He was just helping her with a problem. It didn’t matter if she found him ugly because this was a one-time thing. He would never see her again.

The butterflies turned into a tight knot in his stomach.

Azriel let out a low groan and went to his wardrobe to get dressed. He put on a black T-shirt and black jeans - his standard uniform. He dried his hair hastily with the towel before throwing it in the hamper.

At 10.00 on the dot, Azriel’s phone started ringing on the kitchen island. Or vibrating actually, since he always kept the sound off.

Unknown number is calling

Azriel stared at his phone, suddenly feeling very shy and questioning everything he knew about computers. He checked his reflection in the microwave and let out a deep breath before answering.

“Hello, this is Azriel.” His voice was hoarse, sounding deeper than usual.

“Oh, hi!” A cheery voice said and he was a bit taken aback. In his stupid brain, he had imagined her answering in her whispering voice. “Is this… is this Shadowsinger?”

Azriel decided that her normal voice was just as wonderful as her whispering voice.

“Yeah, this is Shadowsinger. Or well, that’s not my name. I’m obviously not called that. That would be weird…” Azriel babbled, growing more and more self-conscious by the second. He took a deep breath. “I’m Azriel.”

“Hi, Azriel. I’m Elain.” He could hear the smile in her voice and it made him think of sunshine and flowers.

Elain. The name suited her. It was a welsh name that meant fawn. Or at least that’s what Feyre told him one night when she had spent three hours going over possible baby names with their entire friend group (After three hours, Azriel, Cassian, Mor and Nesta had been very drunk and started suggesting weird names from TV such as Khaleesi, Anakin and Buffy which led to Rhys kicking them out.) But Elain wasn’t a weird name. It was pretty. Just like the person that the name belonged to.

“Hello, Elain,” Azriel said quickly when he realized that he had been quiet for a short while.

“Azriel is… an interesting name.” He couldn’t tell from her tone if it was good interesting or bad interesting.

He chuckled. “Yeah, try growing up with the nickname ‘Ass’ in school. Not Az. Ass.”

He could hear Elain laugh and it warmed his heart. “Oh no,” she giggled.

There was a stretch of silence then, both of them unsure of how to begin this.

“So...” Elain started after a few moments. “How do I block words on Youtube, Azriel?”

As soon as the words traveled through the phone, he wanted to ask her to say his name again, but that would be weird. So instead he cleared his throat and got himself into work mode.

“Well, I didn’t know if you were a visual learner, but I created a Youtube account yesterday so I could show you what to do, and you could just follow along if you like?”

God, was he doing too much? Would she find this creepy? Maybe he should just tell her what to do without video.

But to his surprise, Elain did not sound creeped out. “Really? That would be so helpful! How...How can I see your screen though?”

Azriel huffed a laugh. It was kind of cute that she was so oblivious when it came to technology even though she had 250k followers on Youtube.”Well, we’ll change to FaceTime and I will be able to flip the screen and just show you what I’m doing. Is that okay with you?”

He was met with silence.

“Elain?”

“Oh, sorry. I was nodding,” she laughed. “Yes, that’s fine.”

Azriel clicked the icon for FaceTime on his screen and within seconds, her face filled his screen. Her brown hair was in a high ponytail and she wore a mint green hoodie. She wasn’t wearing any makeup and Azriel had to catch his breath. God, why did she have to be so beautiful? He realized that he was staring at her through the screen but his brain wouldn’t form words.

“Hi,” Elain smiled, her cheeks turning pink. “I kind of forgot that we would see each other and not just a screen. Sorry that I look like a mess. I’m going to the gym after this...” She gestured to her hair and Azriel had no idea what mess she was referring to.

“What? You look wonderful,” he said and as soon as the words registered in his brain he wished to be swallowed up by a hole in the ground. He winced. “I mean... I just–” he was making it worse. Lovely. “I just meant that you don’t look like a mess.”

She gave him the sweetest smile. “Well, You don’t look too bad yourself.” She was blushing even more now. Was he blushing too? He had never blushed in his life, so he didn’t even know what that would feel like, but he did feel a bit hot.

Azriel cleared his throat. “So,” he started. “I’m going to flip my screen and film my laptop now. Tell me if you can see what I’m doing.”

“Okay!”

Azriel logged into Youtube and held his phone in front of the screen. “Can you see?” He held the phone in front of his computer, and even though she couldn’t see him anymore, he could still see her.

“Just a second,” she said and held up a finger. She was moving and so was her camera. When she reappeared, Azriel was very happy that she couldn’t see him. She was wearing glasses and they made her, if possible, even more attractive. Her beautiful golden eyes looked even bigger. Like a fawn, Azriel thought to himself.

“Yes, I can see when you have the phone so close to the screen,” she answered.

“Okay, good. Are you near your own computer?”

“Yes! And I’m already logged into my Youtube account.”

Azriel nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “Great. Then you should see your profile picture here in the corner.” He showed her where to look.

“Mhm, I see it.”

She was focusing so hard on the screen, she had probably forgotten that he could see her. She was leaning in close enough for Azriel to see her freckles.

I want to kiss every single freckle on her body.

The thought entered his brain before he could even react and he was very happy that she wasn’t a mind reader. He tried to ignore her face on his screen and focus on his task.

“You will click the photo, and that should display a menu,” he explained. “Like this. You are going to click ‘Youtube Studio’ here.”

Elain scrunched up her nose in concentration and Azriel thought that he might die from the cuteness.

“Done! What next?”

“Okay, then you click ‘Settings’ at the bottom here,” he showed her where to look. “And then you choose ‘Community’”

“Community?” She asked and bit her lip.

Azriel wanted to bite that lip too.

“Yeah,” he answered, happy that he didn’t have to come up with more advanced words.

“And then you scroll down to ‘blocked words’ here,” he instructed. “Are you there?”

“Yes, I found it,” she answered with a smile.

“Well, aren’t you a gold star student?” Azriel joked and Elain’s face went from smiling to blushing in a nano-second.

“Thank you,” she mumbled.

There was a beat of silence again. Azriel wanted to kick himself.

“What now?” Elain asked in a low voice, still determined to get this over with.

“Well, now you just fill in the words you want to block. Make sure that you separate each word or phrase with a comma. And then you just press save and that’s it.”

“Oh, okay. That was easier than I imagined.”

Silence again.

“Can you manage from here?”

Elain bit her lip again. She was staring somewhere behind her phone; probably at her computer. “Ehm, I’m not sure what words to block.”

Azriel thought back to the awful comments he had seen and could think of a handful of words.

“Well, just block the words that these commenters often use, and maybe block bad words in general? You can review your comments later, so if nice comments are being filtered, you can choose to restore them while deleting the bad ones.”

Elain nodded and Azriel didn’t know if he should hang up or stay. So he stayed. His camera was still facing his computer, and Elain was still filming herself. She looked lost in thought.

“Are you okay, Elain?” Azriel asked cautiously, afraid to startle her.

“Hmm?” She looked straight at the camera now, eyes still glossy.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just… tired. I really like doing ASMR, but this sucks. I just want to make people happy and spread positivity, you know? And still, I have to deal with this.”

“Yeah, that must suck.”

Azriel had a question that he had been burning to ask, but he didn’t know if it was too personal. However, as he told himself before, they were never going to see each other again. He could always ask, and the worst thing he could get was a ‘no, I don’t want to talk about it’.

So he asked.

“Elain, can I ask you something?”

She nodded absentmindedly.

“Yesterday you wrote that you had blocked those trolls multiple times. Are you certain that they’re the same people?”

She nodded again. “Yes. In the beginning, they were a bit more creative with the usernames which threw me for a loop. But I realized that it was the same IP addresses every single time, so yeah. I know. I mean, I get hate from complete strangers too, but these people are a bit more persistent .” The last word was spoken through her teeth. She looked upset, but she also looked like she wanted to hide it. Azriel decided to switch his camera back to his face so she wouldn’t feel as vulnerable. And so he wouldn’t feel like a creep for staring at her.

Elain looked a bit startled. “Oh, hi again,” she smiled, but it wasn’t as genuine anymore.

“Do you know these people?” Azriel asked through gritted teeth. He didn’t know why, but he felt very protective all of a sudden.

“Yes, I do. At least the three people that commented yesterday…” she bit her lip again, probably contemplating if she should tell him more. “It’s my ex.”

Azriel tried his hardest to not look surprised and pissed off at the same time. “All three of them?”

With a surprised look on her face, she shook her head quickly. “Oh, god no. No. Just one. His name is Graysen.”

MortalGraysen. Azriel remembered the username because it had sounded so stupid.

“And the other two?”

She let out a long breath. “His stupid best friends, Amarantha and Hybern. Stupid names, right?”

Azriel could only agree. “Very. Why is he bothering you like this, if you don’t mind me asking?”

Elain took off her glasses and massaged her temple lightly. “I dumped him after he slept with Amarantha and then…” she chewed the inside of her cheek. “Then he told all of our friends that he only slept with her because I was so boring in…'' her cheeks flushed again and she didn’t finish that sentence. She didn’t have to. Azriel understood perfectly.

“Okay, so he really is an asshole then.”

“The biggest.”

“Well, I don’t think you can block IP addresses on Youtube, but you could always try to block their names. It might work for a while at least?” Azriel suggested. He needed to help her.

“That’s smart!” she exclaimed and sat her phone down to type. He was very happy that she had leaned it against something so he could still see her.

“What other words should I add?”

Azriel thought back to the comments he had seen. Boobs, nudes, cock, jerk off and tits were all words that she should block, but they were also words he didn’t feel like saying in front of her.

“Just check their old comments and block the words they have used.”

“I’ve deleted the comments, but I remember a few words.” She typed again and Azriel could tell that she was uncomfortable.

“Hey, just block all sexual words and maybe swear words? That should probably work for a while?”

“Okay.” She typed again while Azriel waited patiently. Honestly, he would probably wait forever if it meant that he could watch her on his screen like this.

He felt like a teenager with a crush on the coolest girl in school. He knew that she was out of his league, but his body had not gotten the memo…

“I think I’m done,” she announced and smiled at her phone. At him.

Azriel smiled back. “Which words did you write?” he asked out of curiosity.

Elain picked up her phone and switched the camera so he could see her computer. In the box for ‘blocked words’ she had indeed written a few words.

Blocked words Graysen, Hybern, Amarantha, Boring, Dumb, Stupid, Weird, Ugly, Penis, Vagina, Sex, Sexy, Breasts, Feet, Ejaculation, Nipple, Damn, Fuck, Darn it, Hell,

“Do you think that’s enough?” She asked him in a low voice as if she was ashamed of what she was showing him.

Azriel had to bite his lip in order to keep himself from grinning. It was kind of sweet that she had written down the more technical terms, and not any words that would actually be used on the internet.

“Well, I think it’s a good start,” Azriel answered. “But I think there are a few more words that you should add. And maybe some you can remove from the list.”

“Which ones can I remove?” She leaned closer to her computer, probably trying to find the redundant words.

“I don’t think that trolls will use Darn it, for example.”

Elain pressed the backspace key a few times.

“And which words should I add?” she asked the screen. Her glasses had slid down her nose a bit and Azriel had an urge to reach through the screen and push them back into place.

Azriel scratched his chin, thinking about the best way to phrase it. “Maybe a few synonyms for the words you have written down?”

“Such as?”

Azriel held his breath. “Well…” Azriel hesitated. Was she serious or was she just trying to get him to say dirty words? “I don’t think that internet trolls will use the word vagina.”

“Oh,” her ears turned a lovely pink color. “So I should just add synonyms for that word then?”

“Sure.”

Elain looked lost in thought for a moment before typing again, this time a bit more aggressively. “There are quite a lot,” she muttered.

“Really?” Azriel could only think of two; pussy and cunt.

“Yes. I googled it.”

Of course, she googled a list of synonyms for vagina. Azriel couldn’t hold back his grin this time. She gave him a look he couldn’t decipher. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing,” he said, still grinning. “Can you read me this list of synonyms?” he teased, thinking that she would tell him to fuck off.

He was wrong.

“Well, there’s pussy, cunt, vajayjay, punani, ho-ha, flower…” she drifted off and Azriel could tell the exact moment it hit her that she was reading these words to a man she didn’t know. “Oh, god,” she groaned and hid her face in her hand. “Please ignore everything that just happened.”

Azriel chuckled. “I rather not. What’s the weirdest word on the list?”

He was invested now.

Elain looked at him through the screen again, but this time he could tell that she was suppressing a smile. “The weirdest one must be fish taco, or bald man in a boat. One just sounds disgusting, and the other one is just… weird? Like, I don’t get it.”

“I think that the ‘bald man’ is supposed to be the...uh,” Azriel could not finish that sentence. He knew that he was blushing now, too.

“Oh,” she said looking surprised, and then disgusted. “Oh, that just makes it worse.”

The laugh that followed was contagious.

As she laughed, Azriel thought back to the day before. To when he had watched her video to fall asleep. In her videos, she was so calm and collected - the complete opposite from this bubbly, laughing person on his screen. Both sides of her were equally fascinating to Azriel and he wished that he could get to know her better. She was so easy to talk to. Azriel never found anyone easy to talk to. At parties, you could find him in the corner with a drink and a good book. He was not a talkative man. But with Elain, he wanted to talk. And he wanted to listen. He wanted her to tell him about her day and her life, which was absurd. They had been talking for like 30 minutes. They didn’t know each other. They would never get to know each other.

“Thank you for helping me with this, Azriel,” Elain said when the laughter had died down. “I really appreciate it. I’m sorry for being a bit weird and reading you that list. I hope that I didn’t cross a line or…”

Azriel held up a hand to show her that he didn’t mind. “It’s no problem, honestly. I can’t remember the last time I laughed this much.”

Elain shifted in her seat and picked up her phone again, moving it closer to her face again. “Just like you couldn’t remember the last time you had slept well?”

For a second, Azriel was truly afraid that she was a mind reader because that meant that she had heard him think that he wanted to kiss all her freckles. And then, he remembered the comment he had left on her video a few days earlier.

“Yeah, just like that.”

She leaned her head to the side and regarded him through the phone. “Is that true? You can’t remember having a good night’s sleep?”

Azriel shook his head. “I have suffered from insomnia since I was a child. Sleep has never been a positive experience for me.”

He had never opened up like this to anyone. His former girlfriend never understood why he was awake and why he hated sleepovers. The insomnia had definitely destroyed a few relationships over the years. He could tell that Elain wanted to ask about it, but she didn’t. He really appreciated that.

“Well, I’m happy that I can help you with that anyway. It makes me feel less horrible for making you help me with this on a Saturday morning,” she said and gestured to her computer.

“You didn’t make me do anything. I offered. I was happy to help.”

She gave him the sweetest smile yet and Azriel was surprised when he didn’t melt into a puddle. “Well, thank you. Can I pay you for your trouble?”

Before she had even finished the sentence Azriel shook his head. “No, Elain. I really don’t want you to pay me.”

“Okay,” she bit one side of her lip again. Those damn lips. “Can I give you something else then?”

Did her tone sound flirty? Azriel didn’t know. He might just be hopeful because he started imagining all kinds of things she could give him.

“Like, maybe you could tell me your favorite trigger and I’ll make sure that my next video includes it?”

Azriel swallowed, his throat suddenly feeling very thick. “You don’t have to do that, I...”

“But I want to,” she interrupted. “What’s your favorite trigger?”

Azriel was trying to figure out a way to tell her that she was his favorite trigger without sounding like a serial killer. “Well, I don’t really know. I like when you whisper,” he tried, and when she smiled and nodded encouragingly, he continued. “Honestly Elain, I have tried to watch other ASMR videos but they don’t make me fall asleep. Your videos make me fall asleep within minutes. Whatever magic you put into your videos, that’s probably my trigger,” he half-joked.

“Hmm,” Elain regarded him. “I’ll figure something out.” She winked at him teasingly and Azriel hated that this was the first and last time he would ever get to talk to her.

“Well, I really have to go,” Elain declared. “I’m meeting a friend at the gym.”

“Yeah, I have to go too,” Azriel lied. He would have canceled any plan he ever had if he could continue this conversation.

“Well, thank you again for your help, Azriel.”

“Don’t mention it.”

She removed her glasses and looked straight into her camera. It felt as if she was staring into his soul.

“Goodbye, Shadowsinger.”

“Goodbye, Flower Girl.”

The call disconnected and he was left staring at his apps. Not a single one interested him.

With a heavy sigh, Azriel walked to his bed. He was planning to lay down and scream into a pillow when he received a text from a number he didn’t recognize.

New message I searched for a few more synonyms, and this one for penis is horrendous. Just listen to this: Meat banjo. Isn’t that just horrible? I’m definitely blocking that word.

Azriel couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up from his chest. It really was a horrendous synonym and he could imagine her sitting in front of her computer, making disgusted faces at the various words on her screen.

New message Oh, this is Elain, by the way.

And that’s when it hit him.

She had texted him and he could see her number. That meant that he could save her number on his phone. It also meant…

Well, he honestly didn’t know what it meant, but he didn’t feel like screaming into his pillow anymore.

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