#the only way i know how to talk about mental illness is to avoid talking about mental illness lmao!

[cuntwrap--supreme]

Uh-oh! Made the mistake of watching horror content while in a delicate mental state and now I can feel I'm going to be paranoid for a while! Oopsie daisy! Silly me! Ha ha 🤪

[2beebebetter]

Experiencing limerence with strangers online is so fucking embarrassing dude. Like hey man I unconsciously created an idealized version of you in my head while browsing your page and became unwillingly obsessed with them in an attempt to fill the void emotional neglect created within me during childhood. And I now have to actively obstruct all possible means of me interacting with you because if we ever become friends like I desire I am scared that my mental illness will make it so I am never able to reconcile the differences between the real you and the fake you I created in my head, leaving me never able to truly recognize you as the fully actualized person that you are and deserve to be seen as and leaving you resentful of my parasitic presence in your life while wishing you had never humored me at all. Sorry.

[stormlight-drafter]

Was reading through the Cosmere RPG preview and found some interesting lore bits in the Safety chapter. Maybe these things were already known (I haven't read the novellas) but there were some I wasn't aware of.

"Asexuality. All populations on Roshar, regardless of species and culture, include a spectrum of asexual people. Herdazians have a long tradition of valuing people who aren’t interested in sex or producing offspring. Singers, excluding when in mate form, are not expected to show any interest in sex."

I don't think I've ever seen Asexuality specifically called out like this, instead of it just being a footnote in Sexuality sections. Good on Brotherwise. The Singer thing was pretty obvious from Venli's chapters, but I didn't know that about Herdazians. Loving all the lore I'm learning about them from the rpg. Absolutely the most based ethnicity on Roshar.

"Discrimination Based on Eye Shade. The spectrum of eye colors for humans on Roshar is different from our own. Both darkeyes and lighteyes can have violet, blue, green, yellow, gray, or brown eyes."

Full list of possible eye colors. Though idk I'd probably just let my players have red, orange, or pink eyes if they really wanted it, why not. This section didn't mention if it's possible to have a medium shade that makes people confused on whether you count as darkeyes or lighteyes, but I'd assume so.

"Gender Identity. Breathing in Stormlight over time passively heals Radiants to their true genders."

I did know this, but it's nice to have it spelled out instead of buried in a novella.

"Gender Roles. Vorinism is one of many ideologies that impose strict gender roles on followers. Will your game include details such as female safehands, male illiteracy, and so on? Is being an ardent the only way for gender nonconforming characters to avoid social persecution?"

That was something I was wondering about, how Vorinism handles trans and non-binary identities. I'd assume "poorly" but I was curious if there were any quirks, considering it's pretty mild about same sex relationships. I don't know if the trans character talks about their life pre-transition or not, but this passage kind of implies that being an ardent is the only way for non-binary people to feel safe, but I'm not sure if it's just addressing the obvious assumption or actually stating its canon.

"Mental Illness. The Stormlight Archive features many characters with mental illnesses. While some might correlate mental illness with becoming a Knight Radiant, they would be missing the point."

Lol "please don't force your fanon on other people."

[actually-safer-to-kiss]

reid gets the reader to open up about their mental health :)

Opened Wounds

Summary: Reader opens up to Spencer about her mental health after a triggering case.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: hurt/comfort

Content warnings: Mentions of PTSD and cults

Word count: 1.3k

A/N: I know in my guidelines I said I will not romanticize mental illness and I stand by that. Which is why this is not really as much of a romance-centered fic. Spencer and Reader are in a relationship, but this is more about being comfortable in opening up in that relationship.

Thank you for submitting 🩵

The hum of the jet was the only sound as the team settled into their seats. Exhaustion was the mutual feeling throughout the cabin, and you were no exception.

The only difference between your flight to the scene and going home is that you chose a seat in the corner instead of near J.J. like normal. No one paid mind to it, it seemed. Perhaps they all knew and saw you needed space. Maybe Hotch had some sort of debrief with the team, discussing your file before bringing you on.

You thought all of that at the moment, but it isn’t until you’re halfway home and flying over Louisville, Kentucky that you accidentally lock eyes with Spencer. He collects the pile of snacks as he wins yet another game of poker against Morgan and Prentiss. You saw him cheat, and he saw you pull your lips into a (hopefully) convincing half-smile. The jet’s humming is all you can hear as he shuffles the deck, and Morgan snatches it from him to shuffle instead.

He could still cheat the next round, but you couldn’t escape the feeling that flickered across you the moment you were in his line of sight; his knowing stare. He’s been trying to get you to talk since you landed in Nebraska. It wasn’t appropriate for you to share a room, so you could avoid him at night as well. But you share a bed with him when you’re both home, and this isn’t the first time you’ve acted this way because of a case. A very specific case.

You return to the window, watching the plains and silos as they disappear in the haze of gray clouds that come and go. They would remind you of home. If your thoughts weren’t equivalent to TV static, they’d probably be the last things you’d want to look at. All you do is stare.

Then, there’s a pressure on your shoulder. You jerk at the touch, clutching your dad’s necklace on instinct. Even after turning your head to see it’s Spencer, your fist lays flat on your chest as you try steadying your breaths. “Jesus Christ!” You say, hushed.

“Sorry, sorry!” He keeps his voice quiet as well, his big eyes somehow growing. “I just… wanted to see you. So.” He gives a little wave as he smiles. “Hi.”

The team has been aware of your relationship for two months now. Still, speaking so closely, and whispering no less, feels like there’s still a secret. You hate secrets. Especially since you can see Morgan peeking over the seats to spot potential gossip. It doesn’t help that he was the first one who started asking about you two, and you spent so much time together. It was an anxious sight before, but now you can’t help questioning if it’s because of your past, the newspaper headlines with your and your little brothers’ faces among the few survivors from that burned barn.

Spencer points to the seat in front of you. “Mind if I sit?”

It’s hard to say no, even though you want to. Pushing away and avoiding hard topics is something you’ve learned to be good at. It’s why you don’t talk to your brothers anymore. It was for the best… for a long time. Yet that face of his. You still glance over at the rest of the team as you wonder how much of a crowd you’re drawing in. “Spencer, I—”

“Don’t worry about them. They won’t bother you.”

So they must know.

Spencer waits for your nod (you give it) before he scooches in for a seat. He settles in with a sigh and lets the tip of his sneaker brush against your tights. When you look up at him, pieces of hair fall in front of his face. He brushes them back as he smiles softly, yet knowing more than they do. “What’s on your mind?”

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “You sound like my therapist.”

“Is that a good or a bad thing right now?”

Instead of an answer, you shrug, taking in breaths of clean air and keeping the looming anxiety away. You know Spencer, though (unfortunate at the moment), so you know that won’t cut it.

And he does too, which is why he reaches across to rest a palm on your knee. “I’m not your mother, okay? You can trust me.”

You push your mother further back in your head. “I’m just… having a bad day.”

“After another case involving a cult.”

“Yeah.”

“You know if you talk to Hotch, he’d let you sit—”

“I don’t want to sit these out,” you tell him. It’s the surest thing you’ve said all week. “It doesn’t change the number of people who need our help.”

“It doesn’t help your PTSD either, Y/N. It’s not healthy.”

Your face scrunches at the acronym, and Spencer sounds even more like your therapist. Because he’s right and you hate it. Throwing yourself into your work has led to burnout and breakdowns you hope the team never witnesses. You hope Spencer never has to see you like that. The tears blur your vision, and the man across from you becoming as indistinguishable as watered down ink. “I just hate that it still gets to me,” you say. “I thought I was stronger than this.”

Spencer’s hand squeezes your knee gently. “You are strong. But strength doesn’t mean being unable to feel. It’s okay to still feel those things like they were yesterday, especially after what you survived.”

You look away, staring out the window again as if the clouds could somehow absorb all of this for you. “It just… it all comes rushing back, and it’s impossible to escape it. No matter how hard I try, I’m right back in Nebraska. I can smell the smoke, feel the heat. I hear their voices and prayers. It’s like I’m trapped all over again.”

The confession hangs between you two. They slip out like a faucet because of one hand on your knee topped with genuine concern. Pathetic, you thought to yourself. It doesn’t help that the vulnerability leaves a lightness on your chest, like you’ve cut yourself open on an autopsy table for not just him, but for everyone to look.

No one looks around. They either don’t overhear you or pretend they don’t. There’s no in between. Spencer, however, shifts in his seat, leaning closer. “You’re not trapped, Y/N. Not anymore. You’re here, with me, with us. Hey, look at me.”

You look back up.

“We’re not going anywhere.”

You swallow hard, the tears now spilling over as you look at him. “What if I never get past this? What if I can’t do my job anymore?”

His brows slanted as he looks at you, and he leans across to brush a tear from your cheek with his thumb. “You’re not the first person in the BAU with such a past. Hotch knew that and he still hired you. We’ll get through it together, you and me first. And if you need to take a break, or sit out a case, the team will be there for you. It doesn’t make you weak.”

You nod, though the fear still lingers. The idea of security (of any kind) is hard to settle into when you haven’t had it in so long. You pick at your nails, but with one hand, Spencer encourages you to stop. And you let out a shaky sigh. “I’ll… talk to Hotch.”

“Good.”

“Just to touch base.”

“Right. Of course.”

You lean into his touch, lacing your fingers with his as you try to form a genuine smile. “Thank you,” you said.

Spencer stands slightly, in an ungraceful crouch to kiss your cheek.

The hum of the jet continues, the world outside still distant and gray. But in this moment, sitting with Spencer in the quiet corner of the plane, you still feel exposed, but less alone. And for now, that’s enough.

Thank you all for your patience and thanks for enduring my absence. I'm not going anywhere, I've just been active in other fandoms/cannot for the life of me find inspiration. My fic uploads will probably be quite infrequent, but I'll still upload when I can. Just fyi 😉

Also if you've sent in a request, I probably still have it and have written a bit for it. It's just not done because, again, my inspiration well is ✨very dry✨ I appreciate everyone for being patient with me and still enjoying my fics all the same 🩵

[zoolitsky-fandom]

MORE HEADCANONS BECAUSE I’M ALL POWERFUL

Please don’t get upset if you disagree with any of these!! This is just how I see the characters ^^ More context about the headcanons under the cut!

Nami

Transfem lesbian!!

Basically married to Vivi (who isn’t pictured but she gives me demigirl bisexual energy with a preference to girls)

CHUBBY BECAUSE I SAY SO!!!!! 🧡🧡🧡

And she’s still beautiful and wonderful and Sanji still simps for her. Chubby people are gorgeous

She’s technically pale but tanned a bit from being outside so much

Aaand bandaid because she’s literally just a normal girl and is susceptible to minor injuries unlike the other weird built different ppl on the crew (aside from Usopp)

sPEAKING OF USOPP!!! She’s absolute besties with him like they talk about everything and anything and gossip and all that jazz. They’re so special to me.

I’m not sure if bipolar fits entirely, but there’s definitely something with her mood swings and the intensity of her emotions. If this is insensitive at all please inform me

Chopper

Agender aroace reindeer fella??? SiGN ME UP

Both male and female reindeers have antlers so I used that to my advantage because gender silly

I think Chopper uses they/he/it, but slightly prefers to be referred to by their name rather than pronouns

Chopper has attachment issues, but I couldn’t find anything other than avoidant attachment disorder (which doesn’t seem entirely fitting). But it definitely gets very attached to others when it trusts them and has a hard time moving on.

Also I just like to draw Chopper more reindeer-like than Chopper’s canon design but aside from that I don’t really make too many design changes? Just… floofy Chopper… 🩷🩷🩷

Usopp

Panromantic asexual!!

Down bad for Sanji (he has terrible taste /j)

I had a revelation after drawing this so Usopp isn’t actually cis lol- they’re a demiboy but in a genderfluid kind of way, some days he feels more masculine and other days they feel more androgynous

I have very mixed feelings about the hair highlights,, I lowkey might not keep them but it was an experiment

FRECKLES!!! USOPP HAS FRECKLES PASS IT ON PASS IT ON!!!! 💛💛💛 Bandaid like Nami because!! They’re literally just a normal teenager!!!

Usopp has anxiety and borderline personality disorder because the feelings of superiority and inferiority? The constant fear? Being immune to Perona’s ghosts from dealing with mental illness their entire life???

Luffy

Asexual grayromantic

If he had a partner it would be gay regardless of his own gender expression (I’m projecting because I feel gay when I’m attracted to anyone)

Genderfluid, some days they prefer different pronouns but most of the time they use all at once (also is this ironic bc Luffy can’t swim but is swimming in fluid pronouns)

King of the pronouns!!! King of the genders!!! Will steal your pronouns and gender!!! Watch out!!!

I gave her vitiligo on a whim to be 100% honest, but I feel like it’s very fitting and also very fun to draw ❤️❤️❤️

I only did a headshot here because I have another post with a bunch of other drawings of this Luffy

I feel like I don’t need to explain but Luffy is very very AuDHD to me

He has so much energy and is easily distracted and gets really focused on things and likes to talk about anything and everything

Sanji

Bisexual-est guy on the planet (loves all boobs /hj)

Down bad for Usopp (they have great taste)

Demiboy but in an interchangeable kinda bigender way, he’s just both enby and male at the same time

Darker roots!! Sanji’s body hair is always notably darker than his blonde hair so I decided on darker roots

CURLY/WAVY FLUFFY HAIR SANJI SUPREMACY 💙💙💙

Depression—WHICH THEY ALL OBVIOUSLY HAVE BUT

Depression in the sense it’s the reason he smokes. It’s a kind of coping mechanism.

It makes them dazed enough that they don’t have to fully feel their own despair

GIVE HIM HEALTH PROBLEMS ODA YOU COWARD. I KNOW HE’S UNREASONABLY BUILT DIFFERENT BUT LIKE

Imagine Sanji wheezing and struggling to breathe after a fight!! Emotional scene with Chopper trying to convince them to stop smoking!!

Robin

Pansexual

Married to Franky 💜💜💜

Intersex demigirl! Like- the whole being called a monster/demon her whole life and trying to find someone who accepts her is such a good (unintentional) metaphor for the gender discovery experience,,

GIVE ROBIN THEIR MELANIN BACK!!! I don’t care if it wasn’t their original colors… neither were the blue eyes but I’m giving both to them because they deserve it!!

I wanted to give Robin more of a curly hair texture but I was concerned it would start to not really resemble her. I might play around with it another time though and see if I can achieve something still recognizable

PTSD

Do I even have to explain that-

They are traumatized and get flashbacks and night terrors

Franky

Bisexual

Married to Robin 🩵🩵🩵

TRANSMASC. I AM THE BIGGEST BELIEVER OF TRANS FRANKY.

He was abandoned by his birth parents, he has a name he doesn’t use anymore, calls everyone bro regardless of gender, HE LITERALLY REBUILT HIS ENTIRE BODY-

Even though Franky’s a cyborg I gave him visible top surgery scars. I think he would show them off with pride and doesn’t necessarily need/want to be seen as a cis man. He’s just a man who once had boobs yk?

The underside of his hair is an even brighter blue because silly!!

ADHD—he hyperfixates like a madman and is also very loud and passionate. Also idk if this is an actual ADHD thing but like he’s super empathetic and cries easily? I’m like that too so idk lol

Zoro

Demihomoromantic asexual

Hopelessly, dare I say pathetically, in love with Luffy. I want to clarify that this doesn’t make Zoro less gay and this doesn’t make Luffy less genderfluid.

Also as much as I adore trans Zoro, I think the fact that he’s a cisgender feminist is important. So I headcanon him as cis.

FLUFFY HAIR ZORO FLUFFY HAIR ZORO FLUFFY HAIR ZORO 💚💚💚

I can’t decide whether or not I like the striped hair,, I’m still on the fence about it lol

Covered in scars because he’s done so much training and fighting, I know they kind of look like something else but they aren’t, don’t worry

Idk why but I always give him a dark green undershirt

Autistic!! He has a narrow range of emotions, makes nonverbal grunts, super into swords, he’s blunt, follows routine, etc.

Aaaand that’s all of them! Phew! Thank you so much for reading 💖

Reblogs, asks, and comments are super appreciated!!

[lahulotteshitpost]

***Sorry this started out as a rant***

The idea that you only reciprocate someone's love if you can be open about your feelings or date them is honestly insulting.

I find it especially mature from the Doctor to admit she can't date Yaz, knowing it will break her heart.

In LOTSD, you can clearly see the pain on their faces (both of them), but it's the kindest thing the Doctor could have done. Their relationship would have been unhealthy. We know this because we've seen the Doctor losing herself and being a terrible friend to Yaz.

And the Doctor knows that, she knows her mental state won't allow her to actually be in a relationship. She knows the relationship would be toxic, she knows she's been a terrible friend, she even admitted it in Flux but admitting it didn't fix her.

I've lived longer, seen more, loved more, and lost more.

- It Takes You Away

Yaz, I'm sorry. I didn't let you in to what I was doing... what I was looking for. I shouldn't have shut you out.

- The Vanquishers

But the point is, if it was going to be anyone, it'd be you. But I can't. Because at some point time always runs out.

- Legend of the Sea Devils

Not because I don't want to, because I might. But if I do fix myself to somebody I know, sooner or later, it'll hurt.

- Legend of the Sea Devils

The Doctor is very clear:

- she's not been a good friend,

- she loves Yaz,

- she wishes she could date her.

Being in love, even when it's reciprocal, doesn't always end in a relationship. Sometimes, even "trying" is impossible.

They can't be together, because the Doctor can't bring herself to do that. She's been desperately trying to avoid feelings and attachments since she fell into that Sheffield train. Of course, it doesn't work, and of course it's not a healthy coping mechanism, but this is something people go through.

Yaz understands. And I will argue that Yaz got to confess her love to the Doctor in LOTSD, they both expressed their feelings indirectly.

My nani says, courage is knowing something will hurt and doing it anyway. Mind you, she also said it's the definition of stupidity.

- Legend of the Sea Devils

This is Yaz telling the Doctor "I love you, I wish you could get over your fears, but I understand.

(And there is a lot to say about consent, as, clearly, understanding despite the pain is also the healthier reaction. You cannot force someone into a relationship, Yaz has often been mistreated by the Doctor but in this very moment, she is not a victim.)

There's a reason why she adds that bit about "stupidity" and it's not just to make the Doctor laugh.

Their romance is a slow burn with no happy ending. It's incredibly bittersweet, but it's also very real.

Mentally ill people who avoid relationships are often ashamed of it, we don't openly talk about it because it's definitely not "normal". You can be traumatised, depressed, anxious, but you're still in a happy romantic and sexual relationship, obviously.

Except when you can't.

I started shipping Thasmin during Series 12, initially believing it to be unrequited. I never expected it to be more than subtext, in a way it subverted a lot of my expectations.

I'm no different from most shippers, I was hoping for a kiss (every Doctor had one!) although I expected it to be disappointingly non romantic (à la Nine/Rose).

A kiss, the ultimate romantic trope!

Doctor Who didn't give me what I was hoping for.

It gave me something that I desperately needed.

Home.

Representation.

When you are one of those fucked up queer people, afraid of people knowing deep down you can't date, avoiding feelings and relationships because this is how your traumas shaped you, do you really get to see yourself?

Thasmin isn't every queer person, it isn't even every sapphic you will ever meet, but no story is. And their queerness isn't the cause of their doomed love, which I find extremely respectful and far from usual tropes.

I can see myself in them, at different stages of my life. I know some aro/ace spec people see their relationship as very queerplatonic and also felt represented.

Maybe you don't, and that's fine. You don't have to see yourself in them, you don't have to like this story.

Just understand other queer people will.

[ofallthingsnasty]

tw: workplace harassment, mental illness, gn reader, make sure to read the last paragraph as well characters: Crocodile, Doflamingo word count: 1k

While I may be suffering from "I'm a total newbie and scared shitless of my boss" disease + an anxiety disorder, this would be so perfect for either Crocodile and Doflamingo.

Just think about it… You just started working for one of them - and both men certainly demand respect, can be quite scary when provoked, but you think you can weather any storm that might be coming your way. You’re grown, you’ve got bills to pay, they’ve been professional enough so far, it won’t be too bad, right? Oh, stupid, stupid you - because they can smell your little authority figure issues ten miles upwind.

Both notice that you're green, easily impressed and hurried by their presence, notice how sweaty your hands and furrowed your brow gets - and both definitely corner you; try to get you into a frenzied state, right into panic mode just because it’s fun to see how you slowly fly off the hinges. They both toy with you in their own ways - Crocodile is just always standing behind you, silently watching, only the smell of smoke and his cologne telling you he's right there, looming over your shoulder. He enjoys the way your hands shake with whatever it is you’re doing, how you cough and shift around while he does absolutely nothing. His mere presence makes you so antsy he doesn't even have to say something and his silence is easily interpreted as criticism and mistrust by your anxious little brain. It only gets worse when he never talks about his little staring/surveillance sessions, never explains why he randomly shows up at your desk or workstation, never asks you for a word afterwards - you always feel like you’re not good enough, that no matter how long you’ve been by his side, he needs to check up on you. He’s an imposing man, too - so much bulk and smoke, just the thought of him asking you for a vis-a-vis keeps you up at night. And every day, every week spent fretting over him and his perception of you (coupled with the fact that you really, really need this job) makes you more and more insecure, makes it hard to unwind after yet another long day, makes you overanalyze every single glance, every word and move of his. He slowly creeps into your after-hours, your conversations with friends, your weekends, even your vacations.  And he can tell. Crocodile notices the slight, subtle changes. The way you smooth over your clothes before talking to him, how you place an index and middle finger over sternum as if to shield yourself from him, the fucking cold sweat shining on your forehead whenever he does question a decision of yours with a gruff bark. The way you avoid his eyes, stumble over your own feet in a hurry, the way he can see that you sleep worse and worse - that’s how he knows he's got you hooked, fully and wholly. That all you're thinking about is him and work and pleasing him and being good at work and again, him and work and him and- Your job is the only thing in your life now, from the moment you wake up to the time you lay your head down to sleep, everything is consumed by thoughts of him and his opinions about you and your abilities, always aiming to please and so, so nervous to fail. It’s perfect.

Doflamingo is way more vocal about it. He'll throw your work right back into your face, all sneers and acid tongue. It’s just not enough, never enough, reflects badly on him, on his company - whatever it is you do, it hails nothing but criticism and mockery and late nights to fix your stupid mistakes. He doesn’t even give you moments of rest, he just constantly picks on you until you’re seriously considering just resigning for your own mental health. He’s methodically destroying your self-esteem, makes you doubt your own abilities - you know you shouldn’t let him creep into your head as much as he does, but when all you hear is that you’re so fucking bad at your job, how much you suck - it sticks. You’re so stressed because of him you almost have a panic attack over putting your two weeks in and despite your suffering, you keep procrastinating, keep telling yourself you’ll do it tomorrow, when you have had a full night’s sleep. Problem is - you never do. He can tell by the way you’re idling, fiddling with the straps of your bag whenever he comes in for the day that you’re trying to leave - but that you're simply too scared of his reaction to pull the trigger. And that right there; that fear, that pedestal you put him on is the perfect breeding ground for all sorts of unethical things he can push you to do for him. He starts out small; things like getting him coffee in the mornings when you never did that before, a too-warm, lingering hand on your shoulder, a comment about your outfit - every little thing is calculated, tailored to slowly destroy your boundaries while you fear him more and more, give him way more authority over your life than you should. He knows it’s psychological, that someone else might be able to flip him off and leave without ever thinking twice about him. But you… You have accepted him as the one part of your life everything hinges on - you give him all that power in your sick little brain. Oh, he’ll use it well. The fun has only just started, rest assured. 

And while Crocodile gets to click his tongue, scoff and tell you that he'll take over from now on because clearly - you're just not capable and you obviously need him (not only at work but also in your whole life, silly), Doflamingo taunts you and tells you to make yourself useful, then, if you can't even do your job right. Maybe sucking his dick is your true calling - come on, let's see if you can do at least one thing right. One man wants to take your life over completely, sees you as the malleable (perfect) mess that you are, with all the potential that comes with it - and the other just wants to fuck you up for the next decade of your life, wants to be reason you wake up in the middle of night because his vicious smile still bounces around in that head of yours

[lazybutsmexy]

NOOO NO NO NO TAKE IT BACK APOLOGY W TEARS RN IM SOBBING CRYING DON'T DO THIS TO ME THIS IS A PERSONAL ATTACK(it was delicious, scrumptious wow i love seeing sadness) MAKE IT BETTER OW OW BRING THEM BACK(it was so good i love your writing eating it up yumyumyum) I crave more of them all being platonic (HURT/COMFORT?!??!) plsplspls begging for crumbs in tears ill do anything

Hmmm... I am a slut for hurt/comfort myself...

Task Force + affectionate reader Pt. 3

Pt. 1 Pt. 2

Warnings: HURT/COMFORT, bit of cursing.

The people who smile the most are often the saddest. The people who share the most love often don't feel any towards themselves.

Or: it's your team's turn to show affection

It was one of those days.

One of those days where you didn't have the energy to care about yourself. You were able to keep up with your little routines around base, somehow. But it was dimmed, a matte finish to what was once all shiny and sparkly.

Because it was one of those days.

You always became like this after taking leave for longer than two days. You'd visit your family during that time - or rather, they would come to you as soon as they realized you were at your place downtown and not the barracks - and bombard you with anything they set their minds to.

No matter how grueling your missions were, your family always managed to make you feel even more drained during leave. Their constant demands and mental games, the guilt-tripping and manipulation, always made you feel as if you were walking on eggshells around them.

Tracking down and dismantling human trafficking rings seemed like a walk in the park compared to dealing with them.

You personally tried your best to keep your personal problems away from your work, greeting everyone around you with the same cheery tone, and going about your little routine with the others as usual.

But they had started to notice how your smile didn't reach your eyes, and how you seemed unable to shake off the frown in your brows.

And to avoid unwanted questions that you were too ashamed to answer, you simply chose to distance yourself.

Price shared a look with Ghost, who stood across the room from him, and he shared the same concern in his eyes as they watched you walk into the debrief room

you sat yourself at the back, whereas you'd usually choose to sit in the middle of your team

they immediately knew what was going to happen, you were about to start isolating yourself.

they were having none of that.

Price had always kept a close eye on the family relations of his team members.

it was a security measure, after all, to make sure that not only they weren't targeted by dangerous people, but also to make sure they were no connected in any way to their missions.

but in your case it was different, he monitored your family to make sure they never stayed close to you for too long.

it seemed it hadn't been enough this time, and he saw your haggard state as the consequence of that failure.

he would definitely fix that

he began talking to both Laswell and his superiors to get you one of the smaller houses within base

even though you were unmarried and didn't have any children, he knew it would be impossible for those pesky family members to get close to your home without permission

your parents had managed to talk your landlord into giving them access to your apartment - that would not happen under Price's watch

he would actually blacklist them if he had the chance to do so

he wouldn't let you know he was trying to get you a house, at first - he didn't want you to feel like a burden

but he was not exactly subtle when he began asking what colors you preferred on your walls, if you minded only having a shower head or if you preferred a bathtub, etc

Soap wasn't subtle at all, oh no

boy got you hooked in a one-arm hug for as long as you'd let him

that could be a few minutes or all day long, he didn't mind one bit

endlessly squeezed and smooched on your hairline whenever he caught you lost in thought

definitely the one to (lovingly) manhandle you into a blanket burrito and snuggle you into his lap to watch movies

surprisingly a great cook, he would go all out and cook you whatever your comfort food was

it didn't matter if it was 3 AM

you would be fed, and you could almost taste the love he poured in it

definitely wore a 'kiss the cook' apron to make you giggle and try to get a smooch from you

Gaz is the king of self care

you would not let your skincare/hair routine go under his watch

he would do it for you if you didn't have the energy to do so

he would just sit you on the toilet and he'd take care of all the steps of your skincare routine

if he didn't have all the steps memorized, he definitely had a bulletpoint list of specific instructions to guide himself

same with your hair - trust this man with your hair, you won't regret it, ever

this man had magic hands for scalp massages fight me if you disagree

if you aren't comfortable being nude in front of him, he would simply put a chair in front of the sink like a makeshift hair wash basin and work like that

if you were comfortable being nude in front of him, he would make it into a full-body wash

after working with your hair, he would scrub your body down

every now and then he would massage your tired muscles while telling you how much he appreciated you as both his teammate and his friend

after shower cuddles were a must

you would very likely doze off in his arms while he held you impossibly close to him

Ghost didn't see himself as a person capable of comforting others

but all doubts flew through the window the moment he saw your downcast gaze and a tired hunch of your shoulders

at this point in time, you had become about 80% of the team's moral incentive

of course he knew it was quite unfair to dump all of that on you, he supposed you would have your down days too

but you were part of a team, and no one fought alone - be it terrorist organizations or their own inner demons

he would work alongside Price to get you a new living place

any person trying to ask you stupid and/or unwanted questions would find themselves at the other end of one of his famous death glares

or at the aim of his fist

when you approached him to pat him on the shoulder like always, pretending that everything was all right, he placed his own hand on your shoulder

he looked into your eyes and spoke to you with such sincerity that you were shaken to the core

"...You know that you are just as deserving of love as everyone else, right?"

moments later, you were clutching his middle, with your face buried in his chest while he hugged you tightly

he didn't mind that his shirt felt a little wetter with your tears

he focused on stroking your hair and rubbing your back, while glaring at anyone who dared to look at you questioningly

he would let you hug him until your arms fell off if that's what you needed

more cuddles!!

...he wouldn't mind it too much either if Soap and Gaz joined in a cuddle pile - he pretended to be annoyed, but he thought it felt nice

imagine how much nicer it would feel for you :)

[creation-help]

Attention

If you're schizophrenic/schizospec in some way, have/experience psychosis, extreme paranoia, hallucinations, delusions, or in general have a mental illness / neurological condition that is widely demonized (like most cluster b disorders)

Could you please take a moment to leave a word or two about representation? I'm making this post so that people with misunderstood mental conditions could get a boost in talking about representation, and for everyone else to learn something valuable relating to portraying characters like that in original works (or fanworks too!)

Basically, I'm gathering input from people who live with these conditions about what they'd like to see more, in terms of representation in media, harmful stereotypes or pitfalls to avoid, and how to appropriately portray mental illness in fantasy settings for example.

So if you have anything you think would be valuable to know for people outside your group or community, feel free to add on! In reblogs or comments. No pressure though! You can only mention one thing for example, or maybe one criticism and one wish for what you'd like in representation. Don't be ashamed to go on a long rant either, if you have stuff to say! Whatever you feel like commenting on! I'll try to boost all/as many responses as this post gets.

If you're not part of the group I'm asking input from, please reblog for a wider reach if possible!

Obviously I know even people within the same communities can have different opinions and preferences for representation, which is why I wish we could get a wide range of responses to this.

Thank you in advance!

[berylcups]

Hey, just wanted to know what do you think La Squadra members would avoid while looking for a s/o. So basically their biggest turn offs.

I love your posts btw 😍

Thank you so much 😭😭😭 your encouragement is like drugs to meeeeeeee

This was a fun one to do- thank you so much for asking 🤩 it really made me put my thinking cap on! 🧠

La Squadra No-Gos in an S/O

CW: Suggestive Content aka Melone being Melone

Notes: this was fun to write! Remember we all have our flaws and the squad loves you REGARDLESS! 🥰 💜 Beryl

Visually there’s nothing that the guys don’t like. It doesn’t matter what your skin color is, what your ethnicity is, where you’re from, your neurodiversity, your mental illnesses, how tall you are, or how much you weigh. They’ll love you all the same! ❤️ But it’s what’s on the inside is where they get picky…

Risotto

Self centered/ overly needy- This leader is always thinking about others and nothing irks him more than someone who only thinks about themself. It just makes him think of the boss when an S/O gets greedy or demanding, expecting him to use all of his mental, physical, and financial resources only on them. He deserves some love and care too! But he won’t admit or demand that because he’s too proud of a man. Just be patient and wait your turn and he will always have the time for you. It might not be all the time you want but he does dedicate time just for you.

He just can’t handle someone who’s overly needy. You're going to have needs. He knows that. He’s going to tend to you at a higher level than he does his own men. Don’t demand too much out of this exhausted man. He’s probably not in the mood to go out on a big date but he’s going to come home to you and give you a big hug and kiss and listen to you about how your day went. He’s going to tell you how much he missed you and help you make dinner. He’s not going to be here every time for your beck and call. But he’s going to come back to you every time he has a moment to himself because he loves you that damn much.

Formaggio

- Judgmental / perfectionism- This man goes with the flow when it comes to life. He’s a very laidback man without any plans. So don’t get irritable when he doesn’t have huge goals or aspirations. There’s nothing more that irks him is a judgmental perfectionist. If you mess something up don’t worry about it! You can always do it again. Not everything needs to be in order! He doesn’t mind a little cat hair on his shirt or the fact he throws his dirty laundry by the washing machine on the floor. He’ll get to it when he’s ready.

Don’t be so judgmental- there’s no one correct way to live life. He isn’t telling you how to live so don’t tell him! He understands if you have something debilitating like OCD. We all got our issues. He just doesn’t really want to be nagged or bossed around. Want him to clean up the house? Just ask nicely and zaddy will take care of it for ya! That’s all it takes! He’ll work on being a little more organized as long as you work on yourself too! He’s your biggest supporter and he’ll let you know it!

Illuso

Dishonesty/ cheating- he absolutely hates it when someone lies to him. Just be honest with him! He has eyes and ears everywhere—the mirrors. So he knows if you’re talking shit or plan on cheating on him. Don’t even say it’s all a misunderstanding! Once that trust is lost, it’s lost forever. He doesn’t let people in very easily so expects you to be a loyal faithful s/o. He acts like a man who thinks relationships will “chain you down” but he only acts that way due to past relationships going sour, almost always surprisingly with him the one getting cheated on.

He doesn’t expect you to put up with his bullshit or sass! He knows when he needs to be put in his place. But if you’re his s/o he won’t really tease you. He’s a very sensitive guy but will only share that side of himself with you. So don’t be going around spilling his secrets or making fun of his sensitive side. His trust is just that fragile.

If you treat him kindly, he will treat you like a god/dess. He’s undeniably the most loving and loyal man you’ll ever have as long as you’re faithful and don’t play with his heart.

Pesci

Negativity/ Cynicism- This sweet guy is a huge empath. So there’s nothing he dislikes more is someone who is super cynical or super negative. He’s like a biiiiig emotional sponge. If you’re feeling bad, HES FEELING BAD. He has low self esteem and can understand if you do too but the relationship won’t last long if you’re both being emotional anchors weighing each other down. 😞 You’re allowed to have your bad days! Everyone has bad days. But let him try to pep you up and let you know that things will pass and you’ll see the light of another happy day again. Don’t push him away and have a pity party! Show him a smile through those tears! 😚 and do the same for him. Be each others amateur therapists and cheerleaders! 📣

Prosciutto

Passive Aggression/ Bad Communication- There’s nothing that irritates this no nonsense man who beats around the bush. Say what you need to say damn it! He’s very transparent with you about what he wants and expects. He wants the same from you! So if you got beef with him, say it, don’t be passive aggressive about it. He needs clear communication from you. You aren’t going to “hurt his feelings”. He’s a grown ass man/adult and can handle some criticism as long as it’s constructive of course. Don’t go all out insulting him. He won’t stand for that, and he doesn’t expect you to stand for it either! Let him know if he’s being too harsh. LET HIM KNOW EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM. 👏 A healthy functioning relationship is ALLLLL about communication!

Melone

Rigidness/ Closed minded- Anything goes with this guy. He’s all about trying new things. New foods, new vacation spots, new fashion trends, new cultures, new sex positions.

He doesn’t like someone who’s super close minded and won’t at least try something. You need to get out of your comfort zone just a little bit! Do you know how much you’re potentially missing out on??? Melone knows. He doesn’t want to have to beg you (unless he’s in the bedroom) to try every little thing! He KNOWS you’re not going to like everything and he KNOWS you’re going to be NERVOUS! And that’s okay! He’s here for you and he’s not going to take offense because you didn’t like something. Everybody’s different and that’s what makes the world so interesting but you have to be able to give in a little and let loose or else this relationship just won’t work! He doesn’t expect you to try everything, somethings you just know that you won’t like. Hate chewy textures? Then you probably won’t like the shrimp or the calamari. You know your body best! He just wants to make as many firsts with you and fill his photo album of you two 💜

Ghiaccio

Impatience / no empathy: Now before you call him a hypocrite try to understand his side of the story. He’s neurodivergent and he has to constantly adjust to his environment. His senses are always being overwhelmed. He needs someone who’s Autistic too, neurodivergent in another way, or just understands him. He can’t have someone snapping back at him to calm down and stop being so angry all the time! He’s not doing it because he wants to! He loves being calm!

He has no time for an argumentative s/o that isn’t understanding with him. He’s really a sweet guy when he isn’t on edge. Make him a meal with all his sides separate, and make sure the texture is juuuusssst right. Don’t get upset when he’s getting annoyed with the tag on the back of his shirt bothering him or if he doesn’t have the right socks for his shoes. He hates the scratchy material of cheap socks…he likes them super soft! If he gets irritated about an idiom let him rant it out. Maybe take the time to explain to him what it means if he doesn’t know. He still might be annoyed but he’ll thank you for sitting through one of his rants.

This may sound like a tall order but trust me on this-he’s easy to please because he likes the same thing every time. He will always repay your patience with the utmost gratitude!

[micahulrichdraws]

I don't think self-deprecation or concern for the person's well-being is ever going to come across well to someone saying they like what you do. Maybe I'm missing something, but there are reasons to like your art besides being miserable. Even if only the truly miserable liked your work, responding to them by pointing out how miserable they must be wouldn't feel great for them. Your art isn't giving them depression, and it's not like you're contributing to net suffering by making art with ~themes~, so it seems unnecessary to bring up. You suggested that if you struggle to enjoy life, and you make something, anyone who resonates will also struggle to enjoy life. I disagree. Some people will like it for completely shallow reasons. Some people have empathy for others' suffering. You can have a decent life and no mental illness and probably still appreciate a well-drawn skeleton. I don't know what kind of art a perfect world would produce, but any world where people are mortal is going to have sadness, and some art will reflect that. Yours isn't uniquely dark.

Sorry if you've gotten 100 asks saying this same thing. I wasn't sure based on the ones you responded to, and I just found your blog. I know it's sort of a joke, bc you do still sell art prints and stuff, so you clearly are okay with people liking your art. Tbh, I /had/ depression for a few years, so I'm not exactly proof against the theory that your art somolehow only appeals to depressed people. It seems unlikely, though. And the way you talk about your art as "garbage" kind of gave me flashbacks to the sort of self-deprecating humor I'd use when I hated myself. I don't know you or how you're doing, but that feeling made me want to say something.

You didn't just miss something, you missed like, everything I've ever said on my blog about like, everything to the point I'm not even sure this was intended for me? Like I'd break it down, point by point and be like 'no what are you smoking' but that'd be a waste of time after the 'why do you think my art gives people depression!?' part of whatever this is. Like, this is offensive levels of trying to make me be someone I'm not for the sake of a hypothetical argument against a strawman. So if, you want to take offense to who I am in case you misclick and end up here again here's an asshole enough of a response to give you a legitimate reason to find me intolerable:

Welcome to my page! I make art, jokes, and bullshit with folks to make people happy. I started doing this when I was big sad, because cheering people up cheers me up. Now, here's the crazy part: some people are very sad, and sometimes they tell me it makes them a small amount of happy, which gives me dopamine and makes me do it again. The word 'some' means 'not everyone', or even 'a fraction of a percentage'. For example, in this case, it means 'most people just like my drawings but some people get an extra lil bit out of it'. I don't take myself seriously because I know that the art world is insanely intimidating to those outside of it, and sometimes artists tend to be egotistical and condescending, a word that means 'having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority'. Naturally, I do everything in my power to avoid that, because I'm a very 'gates open' kinda person.

So, here's the WILD part: in my perfect world I would've never had depression. Now, I know, that would have been inconvenient for you as someone who passed by my page one time, and I do apologize. I also apologize that I don't make 'dark art', because I like frogs and mice doing cool shit. Finally, I apologize for my art having -~*themes and concepts*~-, I know good art only comes from ChatGPT and that was my bad.

Sike, I didn't apologize, my fingers were crossed behind my back when I said that. Fuck you for thinking me not wanting to be around for a decade is 'worth' because I drew a mediocre skeleton, and because somehow sadness is necessary. That line of thinking is so awful, here's a video explaining it:

PS: the reason my friends and I in these parts call my art 'art garbage' is because that's what my professors called it back in school for like 4 years, back when I started this shitshow. Much love.

[arschbiene]

Idk if someone ask this to you before but do you think gilbert is albino?

Unpopular opinion, but I do not HC him as Albino. Cut for length.

Albinism is more than coloring in human beings, it comes with a host of other complications such as eye issues and skin vulnerabilities. While people with Albinism are typically healthy and live normal lives, I think we all know that warfare means you are out in the sun and elements and I just think that would be very difficult for someone with Albinism and make him particularly vulnerable, so if you're gonna do it, I think that good representation is realistic representation and these challenges should be woven into the fabric of his character.

Petty, but one of my pet peeves is having to reading excessive epithets in fanfic and 'The Albino' has become a kneejerk for me. I think it's a sign of writing that needs to mature and grow and often can be an instant backspace for me. The main reason is that I do not think that people should be pared down to their disabilities, I find it robs people of their personhood. I feel the same way of things like "The dwarf/little person", "The amputee" etc. Someone's condition or appearance really ought not to be the choice when we need an epithet. If you find you are heavily using epithets in your fanfic, you may need to work on the fluidity of your style to avoid over-use/over-reliance.

I have worked over 7 years with the disabled and mentally ill community and I think there needs to be more understanding of how to approach disabilities with sensitivity and awareness. If you really want to lean into the albinism head canon you need to do your research, including hearing out voices of those in the community and learn about the objectification/romanticization of disability and educate yourself on biases and pitfalls you have. Of the top of my head, Stella Young has a lot of ted talks jumping into the issue that you can use as a spring board.

Last but not least, I don't think due to recent coloring shifts from himaruya that was his intentions, he has gotten more gray/ashy blonde in official art work and his eyes are losing their red hue with the introduction of a blue splash he has been favoring recently. We haven't seen official colored piece from himaruya in a hot minute and he is so inconsistent in general with hair colors and eye colors so I do not think it's confirmed canon at all. I do think his looks are striking/unusual as he references it one time in the canon strips that he'd be recognizable due to his appearance while pointing at his eyes/face but yeah! It's up to interpretation until otherwise indicated.

I personally just do not see him that way but like I always say, the fun part of hetalia is that no one is right and wrong. My only point is that if you do it, make sure you are coming from a place of knowledge! But in general otherwise, do what you want, life is short <3

[the-guilty-writer]

No Matter What

Request (from anon): hiii if its not too much trouble could you do Reid x daughter reader where she had BPD and she has a anger breakdown??

Spencer Reid x daughter!reader

Summary: Spencer helps his daughter with BPD through an anger breakdown.

A/N: Huge thank you to @huffufflejoy for beta/sensitivity reading and advising me on this work. Your help is greatly appreciated! Now for my usual disclaimer before my pieces that heavily involve any neurodivergent topic: I try my best to potray mental illness in the most accurate yet sensitive way possible. Please let me know if you have concerns or issues with my work. It's important to note that everyone experiences mental illness in different ways and this may not be indicative of the experience of everyone with BPD.

CW: Reader has BPD, anger breakdown, talks of schizophrenia, self-loathing, small amount of physical violence, reader is shorter than Spencer

---

Spencer had learned long before you were born that understanding from knowledge and understanding from experiencing were two different things.

No matter how much he had read about schizophrenia, he could never truly understand what his mom was experiencing. No matter how much he'd read about being a dad, it did not prepare him for actually being one. And no matter how many people he talked to, articles he read, or data he went through, he would never truly understand what it was like for you to live with BPD.

At first, his research led him to believe that he might be able to understand some of the experience. After his dad leaving him at such a young age, Elle's resignation, Gideon leaving with nothing but a letter to say goodbye, and Emily's fake death, Spencer always had an underlying concern that the people in his life were going to leave.

But to him it was just that- an underlying concern. Like how he prefered paper over computers, but wasn't paranoid about it like his mother had been during an episode in which she threw the TV out of the house. Or how he might tell someone "My daughter is my whole world", but if he didn't hear from you for a day his whole world didn't seem to fall apart.

Nothing about your experience would ever be comparable to his. All he could do was try to understand.

Spencer had just woken up when he heard the shattering. He got out of bed, trying not to get his limbs tangled in the sheets, but still moving faster than he usually did at 7 AM. When he threw his bedroom door open, he took in the sight before him. His genius brain tryed it's best to calculate what move to make next.

You were standing in the small kitchen, surrounded by pieces of porcelain. White knuckles were threaded through your hair, threatening to pull the strands out by the root. A look of distress was plastered on your face as your chest heaved. Spencer only hoped that he'd gotten here before the anger turned into a blackout.

"(Y/N), Sweetie," Spencer cooed. He walked toward you, careful to avoid the broken bowl. "Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay!" Your voice was shrill in your exasperatedly irritable state. "I- I dropped the bowl and it broke, and now I can't make cupcakes for Henry, and I broke the bowl- I'm so sorry-"

Spencer tried to change the subject in an effort to calm you. "You were going to hang out with Henry today?"

"No, of course no. Why else would I be trying to make him cupcakes?" You snarled at your dad with degrading sarcasm. "All my other friends hate me and now he probably will now too and- and the bowl!"

It wasn't an unusual thing for you to say. Keeping surface-level friendships alive could be difficult with BPD. People didn't understand where the swing of emotions came from, and how you couldn't control the things you said when the mental bomb went off. They didn't understand why you would share a hobby with them, and then a week later, drop it completely. Even when you explained BPD, used your coping skills, and tried your hardest, it was difficult just to exist in society.

Henry made it easier. The two of you had been friends since you were small children. He took his time to understand you. He could calm your nerves, help you cope, give you reassurance, set healthy boundaries.

Still, your dad was you favorite person; your safe place. Spencer made you feel secure in a way that no one else could. It didn't matter how high you flew or how hard you fell, he was the constant presence in your life that you needed. That's why the underlying fear of losing him could make you spiral.

"It's broken! It's broken and I'm broken!" The sarcasm slipped away behind your anger.

"You're not broken," Spencer cooed.

"Yes I am!" You screamed at him. Tears of fury streamed down your face. The look in your eyes was enough to tell your dad that you were close to a breakdown, and he couldn't help but look nervously at the shards still littered on the ground.

Spencer took a risk, walking forward. He got to you in three carefully calculated strides.

"Come here," he whispered, though you were only inches apart and his arms were almost all the way around you.

"No, no-" you muttered. Your eyes were shut tight, arms pulled to your chest as if they were a shield over your heart.

Spencer wrapped you in a hug against your wishes, only pulling you tigher when your fists came towards his chest. Your muttering and sobbing and squirming continued as he held you as tightly as he could.

"I love you."

"I'm telling the truth."

"I'm not leaving you."

"You're worthy."

"I will always be here."

Spencer didn't know if the words actually helped, but he liked to think they did. As the pendulum of emotion began to fall and you stopped fighting in his arms, the only sound in the kitchen became the mantras he whispered and your heavy breathing.

"I-I'm sorry, dad," your words were barely desipherable between dry sobs. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I didn't mean- I'm so sorry. Please-"

"It's okay." Spencer kept his voice calm, soothing, reassuring. "It's only a bowl."

"I broke it and I got so-" you choked out the words as if saying them was physically painful.

Spencer had to remind himself that it was. Just like the way a panic attack could make someone's heart race or their palms sweat, the humiliation of being unable to control your emotions made your throat close. He wished it didn't.

"It's all my fault- I'm sorry."

Spencer looked down at your puffy face. Your lip trembled with anxiety. Salt stained cheeks rested in his palms. In the glassy look of your eyes he could see his own reflection, his own expression. It matched exactly how he felt; concern for you that came from pure love. He only wished you'd see that there was nothing in this world that could make him leave you willfully. There was nothing in this world that could take that love.

"I promise it's okay," he kept his voice quiet. "Can we clean it up together?"

You nodded.

"I'll be here so you're safe," he reassured you. But it was also for himself.

You nodded again.

"Okay." He gently let go of your face. "Let's clean up."

Together, the two of you carefully swept up the pieces of procelain. It took no more than two minutes to do, but Spencer couldn't help but spew a few interesting facts. They made you feel better, more relaxed.

"In Japan they use a technique called kintsugi to repair pottery," he explained. "Craftsmen take the broken bits and mend them together with gold."

The both of you rose to your feet, you with a broom and Spencer with the dustpan. "It actually makes the object stronger and more beautiful." He disposed of the broken bowl in the trash.

"Is this your way of telling me that every time I break I get stronger and more beuatiful?" you asked. It wasn't snarky or sarcastic- it was exhausted. "Because I don't feel that way."

Your dad took the broom from you, putting it back in the small storage closet. "Not quite," he said, then turned. "Because a lot of people believe the practice rose from the philosophy of wabi-sabi, which encourages people to look for and appreciate imperfection."

You blinked at him. "I'm confused."

He wrapped you in a hug. "It's my way of telling you that I'm not going anywhere. It doesn't matter to me how strong you are or how beautiful you are- how perfect or imperfect. I'm always going to be here, and I'm always going to love you, no matter what."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "causing" someone's ED? (massive TW obviously)

so i (18x) have a pr0ana sideblog. i say this in the LOOSEST sense of the term; while i interact with pr0ana tags and content, i don't make any myself, and my "platform" is nonexistent. i primarily use the blog as a way to feel less alone since i can't talk about my ED in real life. it's a vent blog. i don't have the name of my sideblog anywhere on my main blog, and vice versa.

a few weeks ago, my good friend (18x) found this sideblog and decided not to tell me. over the next few weeks, we had several conversations about my ED and their dysmorphia (though according to them not a full-fledged ED), all started by them. at one point i promised them that i would try to get just a little better every day, and i do! i do try that constantly! but about ten minutes after saying that i posted something on my sideblog about how paranoid i was about calories or whatever, because yeah i'm trying to get better, but that doesn't mean i magically stop struggling. i also told them i was NOT on pr0ana tumblr or interacting with that sort of content, because i wasn't comfortable sharing that about myself. i didn't know my friend knew about the sideblog at this point.

they dmed me a while after this post to ask why i had lied to their face, or as they put it in a vaguepost on their blog, "made a promise and then turned around and immediately broken it." i got very very frustrated, since i think what i do on the internet is my business, as is my mental health. this definitely reflected in my tone, so i think i was definitely TA, at least initially.

during this conversation, though, they basically said that i needed to talk to them about my emotions and stop hiding them, and that i had to take the hand they were extending. here's where the main problem started. they then said that they considered contacting my mother or friends but decided in the long run it wouldn't be beneficial. my mother is emotionally abusive, which this friend knew, and would absolutely involuntarily hospitalize me if contacted about my ED.

i became extremely angry, both that my friend would have my mother's and friends' contact information in the first place (we met through tumblr and have only met in person ONCE -- i do not, clearly, have their parents' contact information or even their names, and this was not information i volunteered to them) and that they would use it as an ultimatum. at this point i became extremely furious and basically told them to leave me alone because no one who genuinely cared about me would do that, and i didn't understand why my mental illness was seen as something i HAD to overcome if i wanted to avoid getting literally hospitalized by my mother. at this point they told me that i was refusing to accept help and that i was "aestheticizing killing myself." they then blocked me. i was still fucking angry. i never blocked them from my main, but i did block all their accounts from my sideblog and change the url.

they later unblocked me and we tried to remain civil. we never stopped interacting with each other's posts or whatever. they initiated contact a few times, which i ignored. the first instance they initiated contact was sending me a poem they'd written about the situation, which made me feel like shit, and the second time was just saying "hey." i didn't respond either time because i didn't know how.

i saw a vaguepost that they made on their blog yesterday that basically said they were fucking angry that, after an entire lifetime of struggling to avoid developing an ED, the "person they used to be in love with" was the reason they were developing one. it was clearly about me and i felt a rush of shame so overwhelming that i didn't really know what to do with it. i dmed them to tell them that i loved them and i was sorry, that i didn't mean to hurt them, and that i didn't want things to end like they did. reading back over the message now, it feels very "woe is me" (i was crying while writing it), but basically it just involved me apologizing a million times.

i woke up this morning to their response, which was: "are you saying this because you miss me or because you don't have anyone else left? i don't want to be your last choice." i hadn't gone into the conversation with the intention of regaining their close friendship because, frankly, i don't want that. i hadn't gone into it with a goal in mind. a problem i've had with this friend in the past is that they seem to view a lot of interactions and relationships as almost transactional in a way that i don't (demonstrated by their insistence that i had to talk them about my mental health in the first place). i told them this, and told them i just wanted to apologize and that i loved them. they said that they were sorry, too, but that the timing made them "suspicious," i assume because they know i've been extremely depressed and lonely lately (i just moved to college without any of my best friends and have been making vent posts about it on my main personal blog).

i know it wasn't the intention, but it made me feel like they were using my mental illness against me yet AGAIN, and i stopped apologizing. as i'm typing this i'm trying to decide whether to block them. but i feel like shit about the whole thing, because i was responsible for the formation of their ED, and i feel like i should be able to handle whatever anger they have towards me for that without getting my feelings hurt and being petty. i don't know. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

what meaningful plenaration does "sane" add to "safe sane and consensual"? safe and consensual are both pretty intuitive as to what is and isn't and why they're important, but what is the aspect of this nebulous hypothetical insane sex (this would work better as a phrase if insane sex wasn't already a thing people said about good sex. much to think about) which is uniquely best to avoid but not already covered by safe or consensual?

i've been thinking about that one thing i saw a while ago about reevaluating ssc in the face of increased awareness of like, mad liberation and the ways that mentally disabled people are barred from sexual agency by ableism & the psych system and i genuinely can't come up with a reason why sane was in there in the first place

great question! let's talk about it!

but first: hey. what on earth does plenaration mean. I absolutely understand the question that you're asking but I don't know that word (unusual for me, if I may flex a little!) and google is giving me NOTHING.

anyway, moving on!

SSC was initially popularized by in 1983 by the New York group Gay Male S/M [Sadism/Masochism] Activists, and particularly activist David Stein. let's take a look at their full statement:

GMSMA is a not-for-profit organization of gay males in the New York City area who are seriously interested in safe, sane, and consensual S/M. Our purpose is to help create a more supportive S/M community for gay males, whether they desire a total lifestyle or an occasional adventure, whether they are just coming out into S/M or are long experienced. Our regular meetings and other activities attempt to build a sense of community by exploring common feelings and concerns. We aim to raise awareness about issues of safety and responsibility, to recover elements of our tradition, and to disseminate the best available medical and technical information about S/M practices. We seek to establish a recognized political presence in the wider gay community in order to combat the prevailing stereotypes and misconceptions about S/M while working with others for the common goals of gay liberation. (x)

GMSMA was founded three years prior in 1981, which is only important because that was also the year the first AIDS patients were identified. I don't know if you're familiar with a little thing called The AIDS Crisis, but suffice to say that during the 80s the public perception of gay male sexuality Was Not Good, particularly something double deviant like sex that was gay and also kinky. in a later essay reflecting on (and criticizing!) the mainstreaming of the term, Stein said he wanted to SSC framework to distinguish mutually consensual sadomasochism from "the criminally abusive or neurotically self-destructive behaviour popularly associated with the term 'sadomasochism'."

in other words: while I can't tell you everything that lay in the heart of David Stein when he first used the phrase, it's very clear that the GMSMA seemed invested in improving the public image of kink by separating it as much as possible from the notion that it was something only practiced by crazed degenerates - you know, something queer people have been forced to do for pretty much all queer sex throughout history? in the same 2000 essay linked above, Stein reflects on how many people took SSC as "a welcome validation for a type of sexuality still considered "sick" or "crazy" by much of our society."

is there still ableism baked into that narrative re: the notion that mental illness is a bad thing to be affiliated with? yeah, absolutely, and we'll get to that! spoilers: it's been a source of much criticism, which is why many people now prefer RACK over SSC. but give me a second to get there!

in the essay I've been pulling from, Stein freely admits that GMSMA never attempted to offer concrete definitions of SSC, particularly not the latter two: "We left "sane" and "consensual" much vaguer, "sane" because it's pretty vague to begin with once you get past the obvious meaning - able to distinguish fantasy from reality - and "consensual" because we didn't realize how tricky it is."

the idea of "sane" meaning a person is meaningfully able to distinguish fantasy from reality was echoed by Gil Kessler, a longtime kink educator and board member of GMSMA. rope enthusiast Tammad Rimilia defined it differently, saying that sane kink referred to a situation where "all parties are engaging in this activity by direct intention and can judge the effects of their actions." you can see that echoed in Stein's earlier statement about differentiating the kind of sex that GMSMA encouraged from "self-destructive behavior."

tl;dr, the "sane" is mostly there to specifically draw attention to the fact that some people engage in sex in ways that may be a form of self-harm and/or may want to engage in sex when they are experiencing reality in a way that prevents them from making rational, fully-informed choices, such as psychosis or manic episodes. per their own statement, it seems the GMSMA would discourage having sex with people in this category.

obviously that may already fall under the purview of safe and consensual, but show me an organization that's never gotten a little redundant in its mission statement and I'll eat my shirt.

now, back to that criticism! as Stein notes in the essay I've referenced heavily in this answer, understandings of safety, sanity, and consent have come a long way since 1983! the risk-aware consensual kink model (RACK) has gained popularity for many reasons, with much of the conversation centered on both the inherent ableism of SSC and concerns about the promise of "safe" and the unhelpful and unrealistic expectations it may set. hell, even notions of consent are constantly growing and evolving. and that's wonderful! SSC comes from a very specific time and place in the history of kink and may no longer be the pinnacle of best practices for everyone, but there's still plenty to be learned from its origins.

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey I’ve read a little about the law and I kind of don’t care about it. I’ve manifested well without it and honestly it just seems like an over complication so I can still get into the void without using it, because most people do, but everyone on tumblr seems to disagree with that sentiment

Funny story, I actually shifted before I even properly leaned about the law.

I remember this one girl on Reddit who was a very popular shifter told everyone that the key to shifting was the law of assumption and Neville Goddard lectures. She shifted to Harry Potter after understanding his lectures and it only took her only a week after being on her journey for two years.

At this point, I was sooo depressed and down bad to shift. I had tried every single method under the sun on Reddit, Quora, amino, YouTube, and others methods derived from religion….so her telling me this man was my key was an absolute dream. Again I was down bad, so atp I would have eaten cow shit if that’s what it took to shift 😭😭 it is maddening thinking about how depressed and obsessed I was with it but whatever I’m up now.

Anyways I still never really got into the law because it was boring and his lectures made me fall asleep at the time. I was like 17 and didn’t really care how or why shifting worked, I just wanted to escape tbh. Anyways I decided to actually take the law seriously but then the creator who introduced me to the law left Reddit and shifting media because she believed she was mentally ill, and shifting was fake and she had to get therapy.

I remember I hated Neville and the law of assumption after that so I dropped it, which is super funny to me because why was I blaming a dead man for this situation. I avoided it with my life and anytime someone recommended it to me I got unhealthily mad and told them to shut up probably idk. I was 17 and depressed and in a really bad place and that situation just made me spiral beyond anything and ruined my mental health.

Anyways I focused on manifesting better mental health and a better life after that,and shifted my attention to just intention which is literally the everything inside an assumption. I ended up shifting obviously and then I dove into the law out of curiosity because after I did it I just wanted to know.. I guess the logistics behind it because it was a cool phenomenon to me.

But this wasn’t until 6 months after I shifted and now.. well I obviously love the law and understand it and have a blog dedicated to it so I obviously use and recommend it!

What I will say is everything we learn with the law, 3D and 4D, dwelling in imaginations, states, affirm and persist, the ego, I am state, persistence, you know all that good jazz that I even talk about, is simply because we wanna learn and understand it properly. If you don’t want to use the law or whatever that’s fine but understanding assumption creates reality is the bases of everything.

Just understand that and it’s literally the same thing without all the other stuff lol. I guess that’s why I love intention! it’s the premise of everything we do. Intending, wanting, desiring, whatever and then assuming it to be true is so simple and it works. At least that’s how I shifted anyways. Regardless you use the law even if you’re not aware of it, and there are people entering the void, manifesting, and shifting without knowing the law so why would that be different for you?

So if you wanna use the void (which is literally within you, so hating it means hating your pure state of consciousness which is weird)why would the discussion about it even matter unless you assume it does anyways. Idk my perception around it is completely different since I have met a lot of people with experiences with the void (like my church friend who died) but not the way the tumblr girlies use it. It’s valid regardless!

Literally just assume whatever benefits you and resonates with you will work and it will work, point blank periodt.