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spearofheaven · 16 hours ago

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⋆˚࿔ NO ONE NOTICED — rockstar ex! geto suguru

SUM. After a year of breaking up and making multiple songs about you, he starts to forget. Isn’t that what he wanted though?

CONTENTS. 18+ contents, MDNI. 6.9k words. non canon compliant/au. x fem! reader. some angst. hints of desperate suguru. ex sex. jerking him off. nipple play. cunnilingus. unprotected p in v. riding. doggy. unresolved feelings. some aftercare. reader makes questionable decisions. pet names.

inspired by no one noticed—the marías

Out of all the places that Suguru Geto expected himself to be tonight, your apartment would've been dead last on that list.

In the middle of an ongoing tour.

When he was supposed to be in his hotel room rehearsing the song that he'd promised Ijichi he'd have ready for tonight. A song that a majority of his fans was bound to be expecting.

Though he supposed that maybe Ijichi was the reason that he found himself on your doorstep in the first place. And not the sheer desperation that fueled his actions, that very same desperation that made him get a plane ticket at an absurd price just to see you as soon as possible. To pack up a duffel bag with only a shirt, one pair of pants, and the first pair of shoes he found scattered in his hotel room.

For knocking on your door like a mad man at nearly one in the morning, praying to whatever entity there was above that you wouldn't just shut the door at the first glance of him. Shifting between his feet, waiting to hear for some kind of signal that you were inside. He'd gotten this far, right? That had to count for something.

"Geto, can I talk to you for a second?" Ijichi had waited until all the band members had left, approaching him with an iPad clutched underneath his arm. "Yeah, go ahead," Suguru responded offhandedly, making no effort to stand up just yet, his guitar sitting next to him. All he did was look over at the man with a bored expression on his face, waiting for what he had to say.

Last time Ijichi said he needed to talk to him—he ended up getting called a slut. Well, not precisely in those words. But Ijichi made it a point to get it through Suguru's skull about how hooking up with random groupies on tour wasn't the smartest idea (stuttering over his words when Suguru gave him a sharp glare in response.)

And he had stopped sleeping around with groupies. For the most part, that was. So he wasn't too sure what to expect from this conversation.

Ijichi didn't waste time in getting the iPad from underneath his arm, his fingers frantically typing and swiping across the screen. "I know it's somewhat of a late notice but the fans are somewhat expecting a teaser of a song for the next show," he kept his gaze on the iPad, handing it over to Suguru once he pulled up an array of graphs. An array of graphs that Suguru simply gave a once over to.

"What type of song are they expecting?" Ijichi retracted the iPad once he realized Suguru wouldn't show interest in the same graphs he'd spent hours the night prior coloring, tucking it underneath his arm. "Well, it's been a while since you've written one of those love songs. But please, let me know if you need more time."

"No, it's fine. I'll have it to you by tonight."

Despite how assured Suguru had been in the statement, he found himself prolonging actually having to sit down and work on the song. Cleaning up his space, packing up his bags earlier than usual. Anything that he figured would be the most time consuming. Even going as to cleaning around the hotel room despite that the staff would've done so either way.

It was ridiculous how much effort he took to make sure not an ounce of dust or a food crumb was left by the time he finished. The space was left cleaner than when first stepped foot inside.

Suguru wasn't completely sure why he'd put off the task as long as he did, this type of material came to him naturally. He always used the same muse when it came to writing things like this—you. Even after a year of breaking up, you were the only one he could bring himself to bear his heart out to. He could write another one of these songs, right?

It wasn't like you'd left his mind throughout the past year, anyways. He didn't need to bring himself to lie whenever he composed a new work—everything was a manifestation of what he'd never tell you in person. Choosing instead to express it in his songs. Which he guessed is why his fans ate it up as much as they did. He figured he'd be done before tonight, pulling his notepad out from the depths of his backpack.

But as soon as he went to press his pen down against the notepad, Suguru found himself second guessing every word that he wanted to write down. A feeling that was extremely foreign to him, considering that he'd usually be able to paint a clear picture of you in his head. The last good day you'd had with him before breaking up. But now he was lost. He simply just didn't know.

The color of your eyes? He couldn't remember. The scent of your perfume? Was it cherry? Bergamot? Or neither. What you looked like waking up in the mornings? Suguru could barely decipher your face in his mind, his memory failing to recall the scene that consoled him throughout most nights.

Isn't this what he wanted, though?

To completely forget about you. To just be able to say that the two of you had a failed relationship and move on, like most people probably would've done in his situation. To be able to be with someone else without the constant reminder that they'd never hold a candle to you, that he wouldn't even bother remembering their name by the time the night was over.

To stop having to take shot after shot so that the dull pain in his chest that never seemed to just go away could be replaced with the sharp pounding in his skull.

Except that Suguru didn't want to forget you, he didn't want to ever forget about what the taste of your lips was like after you'd applied a fresh layer of lip gloss was. Suguru didn't want to forget about the person that made him feel safe, that made him feel like he was at home. He didn't ever want to forget just how happy you'd made him, even if it hadn't lasted for long.

He didn't want to find himself missing you so badly was the problem. But no, he didn't want to forget you. At least he realized that now.

After a year, no less.

The more that he looked at the blank piece of paper in front of him, the sheet almost taunting him, the more that Suguru started to realize that this wasn't what he wanted. "Come on," he muttered to himself, the rest of his bandmates next door oblivious to his obvious struggle. He was starting to grow restless, his leg bouncing against the cold granite of the floor. The memory of you was slipping away despite how much he wanted to cling on.

Suguru looked over at the clock, nearly thirty minutes having passed since he'd taken a seat. And all he had on his page were scribbles and a stick figure on the margin of the page. He balled up the sheet of paper after staring down at it for a couple more seconds, a pile of missed paper balls piling just on the edge of the waste bin. Much to Suguru's annoyance. The work that he promised wouldn't be finished by the end of the month at this rate.

Which is what lead him to book a flight without thinking too much of the consequences, Suguru supposed he could deal with those tomorrow. All that he knew was that he needed to see you, to feel you, to remember what it was like being around you again.

And maybe Suguru should've gone with a phone call first, see if you'd even want to have a conversation for more than five seconds. But whatever brain cells that were still alive in that big head of his decided that this was the best idea. Leaving without so much as giving up a heads up to the rest of the band. All he had going for him was some stupid hope that maybe, just maybe, you didn't hate him completely. That you missed him the same way.

Three loud knocks woke you from the nap you were taking on the living room couch, the movie that you'd picked out still droning on in what you had to assume was the climax. You rubbed a hand over your eyes, hoping that you didn't look as tired as you felt before making your way over to the front door. "Who's there?" You'd meant for it to come out more authoritative, though the words came out groggy as you tried to wake yourself up fully.

You made no effort to move, your foot tapping on the wooden floor while you waited for some kind of response. You let out a scoff, rubbing the bridge of your nose before calling out, "Hel-?"

"Don't come out here to hit me with a baseball bat. Just me, I promise," the very same voice that came from trending songs on the radio (that you skipped with a bitter look on your face) was the same one calling out. Sounding almost desperate. Well, the closest thing to desperate. You opened the door to see Suguru standing there, a duffel bag slung on his arm. If you had to guess, you would say that it's all the man was carrying with him. "Shouldn't you be on tour?"

Suguru shifted awkwardly on your carpet, looking more like a sopping wet dog than the cocky persona you'd grown used to seeing on TV. "I can't explain it, but I just had to see you. Do you mind if I come in?" He threaded carefully, unmoving from his spot. You rubbed your eyes, letting out a sigh before glancing over at the wall clock in the kitchen. "You came here at two in the morning and you can't explain to me why you're here?"

"Exactly."

"And you don't see how that's a little strange?"

Suguru swallowed dryly, looking around before his eyes met yours again. "Please," the word sounded like it was painful to get out, like his pride was getting damaged with every second. Or maybe he wasn't letting his pride come in the way? Whatever the case was, you found yourself getting increasingly curious. "Fine," you relented, moving to the side to let him inside. Suguru almost rushed inside, doing quick work of taking his shoes off.

Before you had the chance to change your mind.

You walked over to the living room, a noticeable gap in between the two of you as you sat on the couch. Blankly staring at the screen, ignoring the obvious elephant. You wanted to approach the situation, you really did, but what exactly were you supposed to say to him? 'How have you been since I broke up with you?' just didn't seem like the perfect conversation starter. If he was as conflicted as you were, you couldn't see it.

From the corner of your eye, you gauged his expression. He almost seemed too composed. Too composed for a man who was just outside your door begging to be let inside. You'd been expecting something more than just having him stare at the anticlimactic movie.

"I missed you, that's why I came here," Suguru spoke up after a couple minutes of sitting in silence, his eyes focused on the screen in front of him. His hands twitched to touch you, to feel your skin underneath his fingertips once more. But he refrained, choosing to stuff them in the pockets of his jeans instead. "Everything feels dull without you around. Music doesn't really feel the same, sleeping isn't that easy for me anymore."

The two of you hadn't exactly ended on bad terms, which only served to make these interactions all the much more painful. You still loved him, he still loved you. But the two of you were at completely different points in your life when you made the decision to end things. While Suguru was out traveling in various different cities, you stayed at home. Occasionally going to some of the local shows nearby.

Your relationship was composed a simple phone call every couple days or a collection of text messages, something that you didn't quite mind at first. Rumors started speculating like wildfire on the shows you didn't go to—pictures taken out of context, falsified interviews. And as much as you didn't want it to get to you, it did. Especially when Suguru didn't want to risk bad publicity by denying these claims.

"You can't just come here every time you feel lonely, though. It's not healthy," you responded, keeping your gaze on him. You could see the way his jaw ticked slightly, the only visible reaction that your words had affected him. "You're not hearing me. I'm telling you that I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. That even after a year, you're still the one that every song is about."

"And you're not hearing me. I'm telling you that you can't just come over every time you decide that you miss me. I'm trying to move on too."

"What are you trying to move on from when you're the one who left me?" Suguru's voice raised as he spoke, desperately running a hand through his hair again, "You left."

The sheer vulnerability in his voice, the way it seemed like he was willing himself to stop it from cracking made whatever remaining pieces of your heart that still belonged to him clench painfully. "I know. But being here isn't exactly doing you any favors, Suguru."

"Tell me to go home. Tell me that you never want to see me again and I'll go," Suguru spoke up after a couple moments of silence, his gaze boring into you. You wanted to say something, say that this the opposite of what you should be doing. Send him on his way back home. But why couldn't you open your mouth to say those things?

Every brain cell practically yelled at you that this was a bad idea. You knew that you had to send him home—that this would only serve to complicate things between the two of you. But what even was there to complicate? And the silence between the two of you spoke louder than any of the other words you'd said to him tonight. "Stay," all you did was just affirm what was already basically implied, "Just for the night."

"Just for the night, I promise," Suguru brought your hand up to his mouth, kissing your knuckles. A silent reassurance between the two of you. Even after all this time, things still felt so.. unfinished. You hadn't been able to move on, either. Even if you'd tried to convince yourself that this was for the best. "But if it's just for the night, then just let me do something stupid."

Every memory that Suguru had been clinging to, trying so desperately to try and remember came rushing to him like a freight train at just having your skin under his fingertips. Every little thing that he'd been having a doubt about came back to the forefront of his mind. And for once, he didn't mind that the only thing in his mind was you. Frankly, he was starting to enjoy it. Wondering why he'd even let you slip away so easily.

Suguru's lips connected with yours in a span of mere seconds, one of his hands coming to rest against your cheek. Holding you as close as he could to himself. "Still taste so good," he whispered against your lips, his teeth gently pulling at your bottom lip. Coaxing you into parting your lips, his tongue slipping inside with little to no resistance. "Just for the night," you said once again, trying to convince yourself.

Trying to convince him in the process. Though you weren't doing a great job at either, your body practically molding into his as his hand went down to your back. Instinctively arching against him as if it were the one place that you belonged. It felt as if Suguru needed to have your lips against his own, needed to engrave the taste of you in his mind again. He didn't dare pull away; your lips seemed more vital than oxygen.

The only time that Suguru pulled away was to have you sit on his lap, your warm cunt resting right against his hardening cock. If the tent in his pants was any indication, anyways. Your hand cupped his cheek, the small contact enough to have him leaning into your touch. Like a man starved. But when you started to shift a little bit too much on his lap, his hands gripped your hips.

"I know I'm the one that put you up here, but we don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I just.. I guess I just wanted to taste you again," Suguru was quick to stop your movements, placing one of his hands above your own. His fingers gently enclosing against your wrist, treating you like a piece of fine china. Treating you the same way he should've done over a year ago.

"I want to, I promise," you assured him, placing your other hand above his own. Amethyst eyes bored into yours, trying to gauge your expression for any trace of uncertainty. For any trace that you didn't want to do this. After finding none, he removed his hand and placed it back on your waist. "Are you sure that you want this?" You questioned. This time it was you analyzing him for any tics or signs he was uncomfortable.

"Yes," he sounded ragged, his fingers drawing small circles against the thin silk material of your nightgown, "More than you know." The last words were spoken as a whisper, almost as if he were thinking out loud. Exposing himself to you in every form. You moved further down, giving yourself enough space to unbutton his jeans. His cock was tenting through his boxers, hitting his stomach when you slipped them down just enough.

The sight was almost pretty to look at. Just like the rest of him. Through the pale moonlight shining in through the window's curtains, you could see a drop of precum dripping along the side of his shaft. The tip an angry shade of red, his cock twitching for whatever attention you would give. "Don't tease me, please. Just want you," Suguru spoke up after you'd been staring at his cock for a couple seconds.

"Don't worry, I won't. But a little patience wouldn't hurt, y'know?" You couldn't help but poke fun at him a bit, a teasing smile on your face as you traced the path of his happy trail. All the way down to where his cock was throbbing to be touched.

"You try being patient when you've been deprived for a yea—"

You wrapped your hand around the base, jerking your fist as you moved up his shaft. "Oh fuck," Suguru let out a huff underneath you, his hips bucking up to meet your hand. "Easy there, let me take care of you," you whispered, keeping one of your hands pressed against his thigh. The muscle flexed with every movement you made, his cheeks flushed as he threw his head back. You started off slow, building up with absolutely no rush.

“So good, so good, don't stop," Suguru all but whined, the man completely unraveling from a couple strokes. Wet sloshes and low groans drowned out the sound of the TV in the background, his cock completely covered in his own precum. "S-Shit, just like that," his words came out as he bit down on his lip, muffling any other moans that threatened to leave him. That was, until an idea came to mind.

Suguru pushed the flimsy straps of your nightgown, your breasts exposed to him in a manner of seconds. He met your gaze when he leaned in, his tongue swirling around your areola before taking it in his mouth. "F-Fuck," a muffled moan escaped from his lips, his other hand going up to your other breast. The combined stimulation of his fingers tweaking your nipple and the small chill in the living room had your nipples hardening in record time.

Suguru dripped like a faucet against your hand, drops of precum helping you glide your hand against his length with ease. Your thumb swirled around his tip, bringing it up to your lips and swirling your tongue around it. The taste of him somewhat salty (presumably from how shitty his diet's gotten through tour), but still bearable. At the sight, Suguru took his hand off your nipple and placed it on your chin.

While the previous kiss had been something out of sheer desperation, this one was much slower. Though just as needy, if not more. His tongue tasting the taste of him and yourself combined, the two of you moving in synchrony. You weren't even sure if his moans were from your hand or the kiss anymore. Probably both. "Missed you, missed you so much," he whispered when you pulled away, holding your face for just a little while longer.

And the moment would've been bittersweet, if he weren't for the slutty moan he let out. "S-Shit, getting close," Suguru let out a louder hiss, his moans starting to become more vocal. You reached down with your other hand, holding his balls in your grasp. You could feel just how heavy they were when you held them in your palm, your fingers rolling over them the way you would dice. "Let go, let go, I'm gonna cum," Suguru all but pleaded, placing his hand on top of yours.

Your hand came to a halt before he came, tapping two of your fingers against his bottom lip. His mind barely registered the action—his cheeks flushed a deep shade of pink and his eyes completely unfocused. His tongue wrapped around your fingers—slick with his precum, before licking them completely clean. "So nasty," you uttered, pulling your fingers away once he was finished.

"Saying that like you don't like it," Suguru clicked his tongue, bringing you into a kiss once more. He really was taking every and opportunity that he could to do it, savoring the taste of you on his tongue. Even if that meant he got a taste of himself in the process. "Let me return the favor, you just sit there and look pretty. Okay?"

Suguru dropped down to his knees in front of you, violet eyes locked on you as he slid his hands across the smooth skin of your legs. His hands were rough, calloused after playing guitar for so long—but his touch still managed to be gentle all the same. "You have no idea how much I've missed you. Missed this," he spoke quietly, his hands coming underneath your silk nightgown. Toying with the hem of your underwear. Teasing you in the same matter you'd done him.

And yet, you did have an idea of how much he missed you. There wasn't a day that had passed by where you hadn't woken up to a drunken ramble from Suguru, where he'd usually express how much he found himself missing you. Voicemails that you deleted right after the first listen—never acknowledging the ever growing collection and pretending as if you'd never received anything in the first place. It was easier.

Suguru started off by your calf, raising up your leg to rest on his shoulder before he started to kiss his way up. His movements were slow, his fingers gently stroking your leg when he did. "So pretty. So perfect. All just for me," he punctuated every sentence with a sloppy open-mouthed kiss, his mouth by your inner thighs. "Just for the night," you reminded, your back already starting to arch into him.

"Yeah, yeah, just for the night," he almost sounded annoyed that you were interrupting him, to say that of all things. Suguru reached your underwear, pressing a kiss on your clothed mound.

He hooked his fingers in the waistband of your panties, sliding them down with relative ease before letting them fall to the floor. And if he still had the same habit he did when the two of you were dating, you knew that you wouldn't see them again after tonight. His head fit perfectly in between your thighs, the one place where he wouldn't mind staying in permanently.

"I didn't tease you this badly," you let out a small huff, your fingers threading through his hair. Almost wanting to pull him where you needed him most. Almost.

"You're lucky I'm feeling nice."

"Lucky? You're the one on your knees in my apartment."

"And I could easily leave."

“Except for the fact that you won't."

Almost as if proving your point (or wanting you to shut up), Suguru's tongue prodded deeper inside of your cunt. "So pretty when you finally shut up," he mumbled against your folds, messily spitting against them. You could only dig your fingers into his scalp, even if your walls clenched at just the simplest contact. And as if it wasn't enough that your pussy didn't get the memo you were annoyed, he simply laughed. Didn't even wince.

"Fucking slut, of course you'd be into that," you muttered, the sound of his laughter only serving to grate on your nerves even more. "If it makes you feel better, I only like it when you do it," he responded, unable to stop himself from laughing further, "You're the only one that does it like they hate me."

"Wonder why that is," your words died in your tongue when you felt two of his fingers penetrating through the thick layer of muscle, pushing inside your cunt. His tongue swirled around your clit, working in tandem with his fingers. "O-Oh s-shit," your body went completely lax, your hips pushing your cunt all the much more into his mouth. "Not bad for a slut, hm?"

"U-Until you have to open up your mouth to say something," even now, with just how needy you were for him to keep going, you refused to let him have the last word. "Thought you liked my mouth," And the shaky breath that you let out when his tongue started to draw circles on your clit definitely wasn't working in your favor. "J-Just oh fuck, just when you use it for everything else."

Suguru was more of a giver rather than receiver— all that much more evident in the way that he relished in your cunt. Tongue lapping up every single drop of your essence, greedily taking everything you had to give. Every single of drop of alcohol that Suguru had taken a sip of paled in comparison to the sweet taste of your cunt; just one taste was enough to have him drunk off you. Completely intoxicated.

Your back arched up against the couch cushion, your head entangled in his thick hair. He didn't even seem to mind the way you pushed your hips to meet his licks, letting you push his head further in your cunt. He'd gladly die in between your legs if it came down to it if only to get the taste of you ingrained in his taste buds. "Gonna cum, aren't you?" All you could do was nod, your grip on his hair tightening.

"F-Fuck, keep going, keep going," you let out a series of babbles, your toes curling against his shoulders as you approached your orgasm. You could hardly register the fact that he was tracing his name on your clit with the tip of his tongue, only making the connection after the 'g.' By the time he'd finished, your walls clenched around his two fingers before coating them in your release. "That's it, there ya go," Suguru let out a muffled praise, lapping up every drop of your cum.

Some of it dribbling down his mouth and chin when he pulled away. Your grip on his hair loosened, your hands falling by your sides. While you were busy trying to get your chest to stop heaving with every shaky breath that left your lips, Suguru wiped away your release with the back of his thumb.

"Just had to trace your name?"

"I had to, yeah. Don't see why you're complaining if I made you cum. Already more than what anyone after me's probably done," Now you know why you hadn't bothered to contact him earlier. If this was him coming to you, you couldn't imagine how damn cocky he'd be if you were the one to break no contact first. "There hasn't been anyone after you," you muttered reluctantly, sitting up on the couch.

Suguru got up from his spot on the carpet, taking a seat on the couch cushion next to you. And before you had the chance to complain about his bare ass on your expensive couch, he was already pulling you up on his lap again. "No one else could compare?" You looked over to see him biting down on his lip, his eyes crinkling at the edges. "Don't laugh at me," you grumbled, smacking the side of his arm. Not hard enough to hurt. Which only led him to start laughing. Loudly.

"Okay, okay, sorry," your glare had him shutting up immediately, his hands running up and down your thighs. "It's kind of cute, really."

You looked down at his cock, looking more intimidating than before now that you were going to ride him. "Don't worry, we'll take our time. There's no rush, okay?" His reassurance was a stark contrast from just a mere seconds before, though it did help you calm down. Somewhat. You hovered above his cock, your hand wrapping around the thick base as you lined it up before slowly starting to sink down.

"There you go, just take it. You've always done it so well," While his words were meant to be reassuring, the sting in between your legs as you tried to take his cock was almost too much to bear. Suguru's fingers came to rest on your hips, the cold silver of his rings a stark sensation to just how warm the rest of his body felt. You sunk down completely, a combination of a hiss and a moan leaving your lips. You felt so full already, the thickness of his cock stretching your walls.

"That's it, that's my girl," you weren't sure if you wanted to smack him or kiss him.

Probably both.

You looked down to see that the man was already staring up at you, one of those fingers reaching to wipe some tears from your waterline. Tears you hadn't even noticed until now. "Don't force yourself if you're not ready. Take your time, it's okay," his fingers rubbed small mindless circles on your hips. Your cunt clenched and unclenched around his shaft, a low groan leaving Suguru's lips.

The sting subsided enough after a while, your movements slow as you tried to move. "So fucking tight," Suguru leaned his head back against the couch, his eyes still boring into yours. Your ass hit his thighs each time you sunk down, the loud squelch of your wet cunt and the sound of skin clapping against one another echoing throughout the room. Drowning out whatever last bits of the movie remained, if it was even playing.

Your hips swiveled as you tried to find a steady rhythm, Suguru's breath hitching at the motion. His fingers gripping onto your hips all the much tighter, holding onto you like a lifeline. "So so fucking good," he let out a groan, his head killing forward to bury his face in your neck. Pressing a couple kisses in whatever skin he could reach, leaving spit trails in his wake. He bit down onto your shoulder, sucking on the skin to leave a hickey behind.

"N-Not so obvious," you let out a mix between a hiss and a moan at the feeling of his teeth nipping at your neck. Your nails dug into his shoulders, using them to keep yourself balanced while you tried to establish some sort of pace. "Got other hoes that mind seeing you with them?" Suguru let out a sharp hiss when your walls tightened around his cock, almost making him swallow his words.

"N-No. A-Already told you there's no one else," you let out a shaky laugh, barely managing to get it out as you impaled yourself on his cock, "Not everyone's a w-whore like you."

And he didn't even give you a chance to regret your words before his hips started moving against yours, his cock filling you up faster and deeper in a span of seconds. (The very same thing you'd been trying to do for the past ten minutes.) Your nails dug into the couch cushion in front of you, your head buried into a decorative pillow. "Ah ah, fuck Suguru," your moans came out muffled, your body jerking forward with each thrust.

Whatever delicacy Suguru had granted you at the beginning of your night together was completely stripped away—his hips snapping into yours. His balls smacked against your ass with every thrust, his fingers digging into the flesh. Sure enough to leave indents for a couple days. Like he just needed you to remember this night as much as he did. "Feel how fucking deep I am?" He pressed down on the bulge prodding through your lower tummy, putting some pressure behind it.

You could start to feel him at your throat in this position. Not that you'd ever admit that, of course. "D-Don't think you're deep enough, really," you babbled, the drool dripping from the corner of your lips and the cockdrunk look on your face completely betraying that statement.

Each thrust had you regretting even opening your mouth, each one getting deeper and deeper than the last. Your cunt practically swallowed him in, your walls clenching around his length like a vice. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," you whined out, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Suguru placed a leg up on the couch, the new angle allowing him to go even deeper. "Too deep, too deep," you relented, his thrusts slowing down the slightest bit.

"Thought it was what you wanted," Suguru clicked his tongue, one of his hands going down in between your legs. His pointer finger began to rub small circles against your clit, moving in tandem with his hips. "It's good, it's good, I swear," you practically let out a whine, your hips moving back to meet his. Your ass jiggling with every movement, the sight only serving to entice Suguru even further.

"L-Love you so much. Missed you so bad," And every fiber of your being was telling you to just let his words slide—that it was just a mindless admission made. But you couldn't help the way that both your heart and your pussy clenched afterwards, the latter squeezing around his cock like it never wanted to let go. "Got so tight, you like hearin' me say that?" Suguru whispered by your ear, his chest resting against your sweaty back.

"Like hearing how much I miss you? How much I missed your pussy?" You could practically see the shit eating grin on his face—yet you couldn't exactly bring yourself to care. Not while you were so close to your second orgasm of the night.

All you could do was nod, your whines muffled by the couch cushion underneath. "D-Don't stop, Sugu. Please! Missed your cock!" You babbled, your pussy squelching around his length. Coating it with your arousal, making it slide in with ease. The tip of his cock prodded against your g-spot, your nails digging into the couch. "How much? Come on, tell me."

"So so much," you managed to get out, your chest heaving with every breath that you tried to take. Your walls clenched tighter around him, your cunt snuggling around his cock like a vice. "Gonna c-cum," you managed to get out, the coil in your lower belly tightening and tightening with each of his sloppy thrusts. "That's it, there you go," Suguru continued rubbing at your clit in circles, that coil inside of you snapping. Your walls unclenched, your release coating his length and forming a creamy white ring around his base.

Suguru barely managed to pull out of the tight vice you had his cock in, rope after rope of cum shooting onto your back. "Fuck, fuck," he groaned, the wet sloshing sound of his hand combining his moans as he came all over you. "I'll clean you up in a bit, let me just catch my breath," Suguru laid on top of you, not seeming to mind the fact that his cum was rubbing all on his chest when he did.

The two of you stayed still on the couch for a couple minutes, shaky breaths escaping your lips as you tried to get your breathing under control. A pin dropping could've been heard with how quiet the room was, though it was a comfortable silence this time around. And maybe the two of you still had things to talk about, but you figured that they could be left for another time. Not while the two of you felt so at bliss, at least.

Suguru came back into the living room with one of the hand towels that you kept in the bathroom's bottom right cabinet—walking around your space like he'd never stopped being around. "You did so well for me, so perfect," his voice came out quiet as he swiped the slightly wet towel against your inner thighs, his touch almost as soft. He continued with that gentle touch across your back, wiping away his dry cum off you.

You’d barely registered when he moved the two of you to the bathroom, barely starting to come to your senses. While he was getting a towel, he’d also started up a warm bath for when you were ready.

"Am I finally allowed to ask what you're doing here?" You broke the silence, your back leaning against his chest in a manner that was all too comfortable between the two of you. Like it was the one place where you belonged. "No," Suguru responded almost immediately, squirting some of your body wash onto the washcloth. Moving it slowly across your back, the scent of it combining with whatever candle Suguru raided from your cabinets.

"Am I allowed to ask how long you're planning on staying here, then?" You figured he was bound to break with one of these questions, only to get the same answer. "Turn around for me," was the only thing he said a couple moments later, your back completely lathered up in a mixture of bubbles and soap.

"Do you mind if I stay?" The way that Suguru asked the question reminded you of a sopping wet dog, that same desperation from earlier coming back tenfold. You'd never seen him so compliant in the years that you'd known him—usually he'd just act like he'd owned the place and take up the middle of the bed. "Yeah, just stick to your side of the bed."

After turning off the lights and making sure the doors were locked, you made your way underneath the warm blanket. You hadn't expected for Suguru to take your words so seriously, but at least he'd stuck to the right side of the bed. The sight was almost comical, seeing him comfortable with your collection of stuffed animals scattered around him. You set your phone on your bed stand table, shifting to get comfortable.

And as much as you wanted to fall asleep, your thoughts just didn't seem to shut up. He wouldn't book a flight just to come and see you if all he wanted was pussy, right? No, of course not. If the tabloid articles that came out while he was on tour was anything to go by. And as much as you wanted to bite your tongue, go to sleep as easily as he did, you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. Not without the slightest bit of resolution just yet. "Sugu, you still up?"

You turned to look over at Suguru, almost expecting for him to be still awake. He'd clutched one of your plushies underneath his arm, looking more at peace than he had throughout the night. "Good night," you whispered, pressing a kiss against his cheek before pulling the pumpkin blanket to cover up the two of you. The act almost felt too domestic, much too reminiscent of your past relationship.

Though, you figured you could start worrying about what this all means tomorrow. "Good night," Suguru mumbled, turning to face you. He was more half asleep than anything, the plushie long discarded next to him. It'd probably end up on the floor later in the night. His arm wrapped around your midriff, keeping you pressed against his body. His body intertwined against yours, almost like he had no plans of getting up by any means.

"I love you," was the last thing that you heard before you succumbed to sleep, your body molding against Suguru's almost perfectly.

You'd expected to wake up next to a head full of hair in the pillow next to you, not the same coldness you'd grown accustomed to throughout the last year. Suguru had left without a trace, almost as if he never stepped foot into your place. The only indication that the previous night wasn't a figment of your imagination was the indent of his body left behind on the sheets.

A/N: i was thinkin ab a part two when i originally wrote this but enjoy anotha repost 😓

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ravenclaw-for-all-seasons · 1 day ago

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His Soft Spot (9.5) - Mattheo Riddle

A/N: A continuation of the broom breaking incident and Mattheo finding out that you didn’t actually do it…

The Slytherin common room was dimly lit, the enchanted candles casting rippling shadows across the stone walls like light on deep water. You sat curled up on the black leather loveseat, legs tucked beneath you, a thick blanket draped around your shoulders — not because you were cold, but because Mattheo insisted you stay warm.

Across from you, he paced — shirt untucked, sleeves rolled to his elbows, hair tousled from where he’d been tugging at it. The faintest crease lined his brow.

“You hungry, angel?” he asked suddenly, stopping mid-step to look at you.

“I’m okay.”

“You sure? I’ll owl the kitchens.”

You shook your head with a smile. “I promise. I’m good.”

He stared at you for a beat, then sighed and sat beside you, pulling your legs into his lap like it was instinct. One of his hands absently traced circles on your shin.

You didn’t know how long the pampering would last, but ever since the “broken broom” debacle earlier that day, Mattheo had transformed into an even more intense version of himself. He hadn’t let you carry your own books, refused to let you sit alone at dinner, and when a second-year Hufflepuff bumped into you outside the Great Hall, he looked ready to commit a war crime.

You’d never seen him this attentive.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the edge of your mouth. “I’ve never raised my voice at you before. I should’ve known something was off.”

You hesitated, heart twisting.

This was the perfect moment to tell him the truth.

You’d wrestled with it all afternoon. Yes, you’d agreed to take the fall. But seeing him so guilty, so desperately trying to make it up to you, made your stomach churn. You didn’t want to lie to him — not when he was looking at you like you were his whole bloody universe.

“Mattheo,” you said quietly, brushing your fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. “I need to tell you something.”

He immediately sat up straighter. “What is it?”

You exhaled slowly. “I didn’t break your broom.”

Silence.

He blinked. “What?”

“I didn’t break it,” you repeated. “Enzo did. He tripped and fell on it. Theo was there too — he saw it happen. They asked me to take the fall because… because you wouldn’t be mad at me.”

Mattheo’s entire body went still.

“They what?” His voice dropped, dangerous.

“I didn’t want to lie,” you added quickly. “But Enzo looked so terrified, and Theo said you’d burn down the pitch if you knew, and I thought maybe… maybe I could take it and we’d all just move on. I didn’t expect you to yell.”

Mattheo stood up, fury already radiating off him like heat waves. “They used you.”

“They were scared,” you offered, trying to calm him. “They thought it was harmless.”

“They let you cry,” he hissed, pacing now like a caged animal. “They watched me shout at you—you—and said nothing.”

You reached for his hand. “It’s okay—”

“No, it’s not,” he snapped, but not at you. Never at you. “They knew exactly what they were doing. They used you as a shield.”

The common room door creaked open, as if summoned by fate, and in strolled Lorenzo and Theo — mid-laugh, clearly unaware of the storm waiting for them.

Mattheo turned slowly.

Theo stopped short. “…Uh-oh.”

Enzo blinked. “You told him, didn’t you?”

“I told him,” you confirmed.

Mattheo’s voice was eerily calm. “You made her take the blame.”

Theo raised his hands. “Listen, mate, it was all Enzo’s idea—”

“Hey!” Enzo protested.

But Mattheo had already closed the distance between them.

“You watched me yell at her,” he growled, jabbing a finger into Theo’s chest. “You let her cry. And you stood there.”

Theo opened his mouth, but Mattheo turned to Enzo next, his face thunderous. “You knew I’d never hurt her. You counted on it.”

Enzo swallowed hard. “We thought it’d be fine! I mean—you are kind of terrifying sometimes—”

“That’s the point,” Mattheo snapped. “I’m terrifying to everyone but her. She’s the only person I’d never hurt, and you weaponized that like it was nothing.”

Enzo flinched, but Mattheo wasn’t done.

“I don’t give a damn about the broom,” he spat. “That could be replaced. But you made her lie for you. You let her take the fall, carry the guilt, because you knew I’d bend for her.” He paused, then added in a low, deadly voice: “You made her the collateral.”

Theo held up his hands. “Okay. You’re mad. Fair. We were wrong. But maybe—maybe no hexes tonight?”

Mattheo didn’t hex anyone.

Instead, he turned on his heel, walked back to you, and sat down with a huff, pulling you back into his arms.

“You’re lucky she asked me not to kill you both,” he muttered darkly, running a hand over your hair. “Otherwise we’d be picking Lorenzo’s teeth out of the fireplace.”

Enzo gave you a thumbs-up. “You’re seriously his goddamn kryptonite.”

“She is,” Mattheo murmured, too focused on tucking you into his side to even pretend he wasn’t proud of it. “And you’d do well to remember that.”

“Noted,” Theo said, sitting down cautiously across the room. “So… you’re not mad anymore?”

Mattheo didn’t even look at him. He just pressed a kiss to your temple, eyes dark with something soft and dangerous all at once. “I’m not mad about the broom. I’m mad you thought she was disposable.”

And with that, you smiled against him — warm, safe, and fiercely protected.

#slytherin #slytherin boys #hp fandom #hp fanfic #theodore nott #lorenzo berkshire #mattheo riddle fanfic #mattheo fluff #mattheo x you #mattheoxreader #mattheo x y/n #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo riddle fluff #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle

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fic-girlie · 3 days ago

Note

I need more of baby number three 🥹🥹 wonder if it's a boy or a girl? Maybe Mateo and Lucia picking out a name? Maybe Pedro feeling bad for not being with reader that much during this pregnancy because of all the shooting and press conferences. (It doesn't have to be all in one fic, I'm just throwing a few ideas lol)

Quiet arrival

Pairing: dad!Pedro Pascal x actress!mom!reader Summary: You welcome your baby at home, with Pedro there, while Mateo and Lucia pick her name. Warnings: established relationship, fluff, home birth, cuteness, slight angst

The morning your third child decides to make her debut begins softly, deceptively.

The light outside your bedroom window is barely beginning to stretch across the hardwood floor when you sit upright, eyes wide, hand clenching the bedsheet. Pedro stirs beside you, tangled in the sheets, his breathing soft and steady—so unlike yours.

You nudge him once. Then again, harder. “Pedro.”

His eyes open slowly. “Hmm?”

“I think… I think it’s happening.”

It takes him a second, and then the words hit. He bolts upright, hair wild and eyes wide. “Wait, now? Like now now?”

You grit your teeth through a tightening wave, nodding as sweat beads at your temple. “Yes, now now.”

Pedro blinks, then leaps from bed. “Okay. Alright. I’ll call Juno. And the doula. And—wait, where’s the—do we have towels?”

“Do not forget the damn tub,” you mutter as he sprints into the hall.

You’d planned this. Carefully. No sterile rooms, no fluorescent lights—just home. Just peace. And chaos, apparently.

By the time the inflatable birthing tub is filled and the doula, Juno, arrives, you’re gripping the sides of the bed, growling things at your husband you’ll pretend later were said out of love.

“If you ever want to touch me again, you try carrying a watermelon in your pelvis for nine months and see how you feel.”

Pedro kneels beside you, wide-eyed but gentle, brushing back your hair. “Sweetheart, you specifically said you wanted me to catch the baby this time.”

“I also said I wanted tacos and you came back with a quinoa salad. You are not to be trusted.”

You hear Juno stifle a laugh behind you. Pedro leans in and kisses your shoulder, his voice tender against the tension of your skin. “I’m here. I’m not moving. You’re so strong, mi amor. So strong.”

Hours pass.

There’s sweat and water and pain. But there’s also his hands holding yours, whispering praise and soft encouragement. At some point, your hand grips his arm with a strength that leaves marks and you lock eyes, breathless.

“You did this to me,” you pant.

“I know. And I’d do it again,” he whispers, laughing, forehead to yours.

Then, finally—after an eternity and a blink—she’s there.

Tiny. Damp. Perfect. Her cry is more of a breath than a scream, like she’s just as stunned as you are. Pedro’s hands are shaking when he lifts her gently out of the water and into your arms. You’re crying before she’s even against your chest.

Pedro kneels beside the tub, utterly wrecked and smiling like he’s never smiled before. “Mi amor... you did it. We did it.”

You both sit there in awe, until your daughter squeaks again—just the softest sound—and Pedro cups her head as though he’s holding the whole world in his palm.

——

It takes a few hours before the house feels calm again. The midwives clean up quietly, your doula makes tea. Pedro runs back and forth making sure the kids haven’t destroyed the living room while the world was shifting inside the walls of your bedroom.

Mateo and Lucia are standing outside the door, bouncing on their toes, when he cracks it open.

“She’s here?” Mateo whispers, eyes wide.

“She’s here,” Pedro says, voice thick. “Come meet your sister.”

Lucia’s hands are clasped in front of her chest like she’s praying. Mateo bolts forward first and Pedro barely catches him before he face-plants into the room. “Careful, buddy. She’s small.”

You’re in bed, propped up on pillows, skin warm and flushed. Your daughter is nestled at your chest, bundled in a soft yellow blanket. Pedro walks them in slowly, one hand on each shoulder.

Lucia gasps. “She’s so tiny.”

Mateo inches closer, eyes scanning every inch of her face. “She kinda looks like a potato.”

Pedro grins. “A beautiful potato.”

“She looks like you, Mama,” Lucia says softly, and your throat closes around tears.

Pedro settles beside you on the bed, wrapping one arm around your shoulders. “Want to hold her?”

They nod furiously.

You shift gently, easing your daughter into Mateo’s arms first, helping him cradle her securely. His expression changes instantly—every trace of goofiness gone. He’s struck quiet. Reverent. His sister leans in, tucking her cheek close to the baby’s head.

“What’s her name?” Lucia asks, voice just above a whisper.

You and Pedro look at each other. He nods.

“Well…” you begin, “we wanted you two to help us pick.”

Their jaws drop in unison. “Really?!”

“Really,” Pedro confirms. “We’ve got a few ideas but we wanna hear yours first.”

Lucia’s brow furrows immediately, deep in thought. Mateo’s already rattling off options like he’s on a game show. “Ava. Sofia. Paloma. Hermione.”

Lucia blinks. “You can’t name her Hermione. She’s not a wizard.”

You laugh softly. Pedro leans forward, brushing a finger along the baby’s cheek. “What do you think, mi sol? Any names you feel in your heart?”

Lucia suddenly gasps. “What about Isla?”

You and Pedro glance at each other. The name curls in your chest like warmth. Your baby coos as if in agreement.

“Isla,” you repeat. “It’s beautiful.”

Mateo shrugs with a grin. “Okay, fine. But her middle name should be something epic. Like… Luna.”

“Isla Luna Pascal,” Pedro whispers.

Your hand finds his. “Perfect.”

——

That night, the kids are finally in bed after endless lullabies and dramatic retellings of the day’s events (Mateo claims he felt her being born from downstairs).

The house is still. Quiet. You’re in bed again, propped up, Isla asleep beside you in her bassinet. Pedro moves slowly around the room, dimming lights, folding blankets—anything to keep his hands busy.

Then he turns to you.

His voice is low. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

You nod, already knowing the weight he’s carrying.

He sits on the edge of the bed and takes your hand in both of his. You can feel it before he says anything—the guilt. The longing. The apology.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here enough,” he says, eyes locked on yours. “With the filming in Toronto and the press tour… I missed too much. I missed you. And I hate that.”

Your eyes soften. “Pedro…”

“I know I was working, I know it’s what I had to do—but watching you today… seeing how strong you were—how you carried this whole family while I was gone—I just…” He swallows hard. “You’re everything. And I never want you to feel like you’re doing this alone.”

You lean forward and cup his face gently. “You came home. You always come home.”

“I should’ve been here more.”

You kiss him. Slow and soft. “You were here when she came into the world. That’s what she’ll remember. That’s what I’ll remember.”

He pulls you into a careful embrace, mindful of your body but needing to feel you. “Thank you for our children,” he whispers. “Thank you for giving me this life.”

You rest your head on his shoulder, hand curled over his heart. “Just promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“No more quinoa salads during labor.”

He laughs—quiet and full of love. “Done. No quinoa. Only tacos from now on.”

You smile, breathing in the peaceful silence of your family’s newest chapter. Your husband. Your children. Your home.

Your little Isla Luna, sleeping softly in the cradle of your love.

#pedro pascal #pedropascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #pedro pascal x f!reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal fandom

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coupsalchemy · 2 days ago

Text

Hothouse Flower [Part 1]

Summary - Your five year relationship with him ended two years ago. You need to move on, have to, since you are the only one stuck in the past. Jeonghan moved on, happy, gallivanting away. When you finally agree to meet up a fellow heartbroken stranger set up by 'Get Love Quick', you didn't expect to see him there.

Tags: Jeonghan x f.reader, exes! au, second chance romance, angst, yearning, fluff, suggestive, SLOW BURN

Warnings: mdni, very suggestive (at least in the next part), fist fight, mentions of blood, just a very angry Jeonghan, swearing, and a lot of grammatical mistakes as English isn't my first language.

Word Count: 21k (this part, total 40k)

A's Note: I've been working on this for like four months. Please get ready for the angst and yearning. The birth of this story took place from Don't Wanna Cry Jeonghan falling onto his knees in yearning, and the song 'no one noticed by the marias'.

I wanted to write a story where reader gets to forget everything and be in the world of the fiction, enjoy momentary bliss instead of the bitter taste of life, at least for some time. So by the time you complete reading this part, next part would have already been uploaded. If I succeeded in making you forget everything and you enjoyed the fic please let me know so I can stare at your message for eternity in happiness.

Also I want to thank my two friends who have been patiently answering my questions, and kept on encouraging me all the time. If not for you two this wouldn't have happened. Thank you!!

divider credits to the rightful owner.

⌜ If anyone else were to kiss me, all they would taste is your name.⌟

— Clementine von Radics

“You should try this,” Seungkwan places the folded worn out newspaper on your work desk, looming over you like a dark cloud before rain. Nothing good is going to come out of this.

With a sigh you minimize the word document you have been working on, and focus on the headline of the advertisement, Get Love Quick. “If you have time to find crap then you have time to prepare the deck.”

Seungkwan tsks. “I have time till this Friday.” He drags the chair from the next cubicle, making a home for himself. “Send in an application.” He shoves the paper back to you, sending your notebook flying. “It’s high time for you to move on.”

You reopen the word document glaring at the words and hit random letters on the keyboard with more force, “I have work unlike someone. If you leave me alone.”

“Come on,” he insists, locking your system and turning your chair in his direction. “You have to get out of that four walls of darkness you call a room,” his gaze is firm, the frown line between his eyebrows makes you think. He isn’t going to back away like the other times, this time he is serious.

You fall back into your chair, gnawing on your lower lip. The words on the newspaper glares at you, in mockery or a challenge, you couldn’t say.

Find your other broken hearted half..

It’s been more than a year since you went on a date. You are sure that even the process of dating has changed by now. Fresh after the break up you were relentless, swiping right on guy after guy to rile up your ex, only to end up canceling most of the dates.

The two men you met were good, considerate and even attentive, something you begged from your previous relationship. Their questions and interest in your work, hobbies and daily life solidified their points in gaining the second date.

If not for the constant comparison to a certain long black haired man, who would be cracking jokes on the other two for their pretentiousness. It’s safe to say that you didn’t get a second date with anyone. Eventually the fire to make your ex jealous and show him what he is missing has died down.

“Are you still here?” Seungkwan shakes your arm.

You faze out from your thoughts, “I'm not sure. It’s a lot of work.” You pull your hair to one side, playing with the ends. “I have to dress up, put on makeup and,” you suck in a breath dreading the worst of all, “I have to make stimulating conversations.”

You click your pen, chewing on your lip, losing yourself in thoughts. What you don’t voice out is the fear of losing someone again and losing yourself in the process of clinging onto him to make him stay. You have done it once, and not sure you could do it again. Especially if it’s someone who is not your Jeonghan.

Seungkwan holds your hands in his, he says, “you don’t need to put up an act this time.”

“Hey.” A coworker greets you, crossing the office floor to the elevator.

Seungkwan presses his lips in a thin line, nodding back at the intruder who is already out of earshot. “Anyway, as I am saying,” he goes back to the topic, “no need for an act. Be yourself and the right one will come.”

The strong belief in his words sways your stubborn heart a little, a faint hope flickering in your chest.

“Remember there’s no one you need to get back at this time.” He reemphasizes, “I don’t want to see you pulling that old shit.”

You nod without a second thought, a little scared of his authoritative tone.

“Good.” He presses your hand, eyes softening, studying you. “I have a gut feeling that this is going to be your turning point.” He adds, “a good one. You’ll find someone who understands you as you are.”

The love in his words and caring gestures were what made you you till now. He always dragged you back whenever you were spiraling down the rabbit hole. He doesn’t have a reason to look after you, especially when even your mom has given up on you after a few tries.

“Oh,” his soft voice makes your eyes moist, “I didn’t want to make you cry.”

“I know.”

He ruffles your hair, “straighten up and fight back, my warrior. You can do this.”

You laugh, wiping the corner of your eyes. “Warrior?”

“Frontline army?”

You push him away, “go back, Seungkwan. Our boss is already glaring.” You backspace the crap you have written on the report. “We are one call away from the HR office.”

“Ugh,” he fixes his tie, “that old retard should find someone else to stalk.” He slowly rolls away to the next cubicle leaving the chair in its rightful place. “Think about it. Okay?”

“Thank you, Seungkwan.”

“Anything for you.”

—

You wake up with a start, your mind in a haze. The rotating ceiling fan spins your head making your dizziness worse. You fight with the comforter rolled around you to free your hand, the movements worsen the pounding in your head.

“Ugh, Hannie.” You search for the other side of the bed, your fingers tracing the cold bed sheet. “Huh?”

You open your eyes forcefully, the bright sunshine falling directly on you. You forgot to draw curtains again. The empty space beside you cracks your heart again, the unused pillow still in bright yellow cover mocks you. He is not in your life anymore. You pluck the pillow, hugging it to your chest and inhaling its scent. It doesn’t smell like him anymore.

The warmth of this pillow doesn’t suffice the warmth of him, his midnight cuddles, kisses all over your face when he thinks you are in deep sleep. Your fingers grasp the edges of the pillow, legs curling into your stomach from the ache echoing your entire body.

Longing for Jeonghan has become one with breathing. Each moment and thing is closely intricated with his existence, the reminder of him throwing you back into the pits of suffering. You eye your phone resting beside you, the temptation to check his whereabouts is gripping your chest. Your fingers hover over it succumbing to your desires, but no, not this time, not when he never cared about you. Does he even think about you?

—

Jeonghan smiles at his date reassuringly, “it’s fine. It’s fine. Don’t panic.” He stands up from his seat, approaching her side of the table, “let’s go get you cleaned up.” He holds out his palm, interlacing their fingers.

His confident stride leads them across linen covered tables, wafts of delicious food surrounding them. Familiarity with this restaurant propels his sense of direction, he took this path countless times. He grips her hand, almost crushing, anchoring himself to the present moment.

She squeezes back, peering at him through his shoulder. He runs his fingers through his long hair strands, curling the strays behind his ear. She reaches out, tenderly running her fingertips at the back of his head. He ducks his head down, straightening his suit pants. Her steps stumble into one another, her cheeks blushing with embarrassment.

The kitchen is bustling with waiters coming in and out with orders. A waiter carrying an order is craning his neck, waving his hand to gain Jeonghan’s attention.

Jeonghan frowns at the unprofessional etiquette of the staff, and the waiter’s relentless efforts only irks him further. It strikes him, the reason behind the enthusiasm of the boy. Jeonghan exhales through his mouth. He knew it was a bad idea to dine in this restaurant, but two years is enough time for people to forget.

Oh. How he never learns.

The boy stops in his tracks confused at the lady hiding behind Jeonghan, and the rosary blush on her cheeks complimented with the shy glances at Jeonghan. He drops his hand, unimpressed.

Jeonghan is annoyed, reading the judgemental stare he is receiving. He presses his lips in a thin line, not sparing another glance he leads his date to the washroom. “Go ahead. I’ll be here.” He leans on the wall opposite to the women’s restroom, pocketing his hands.

She hurries in with a blush creeping up her cheeks, matching the red of her dress. He would have found it cute once upon a time, and would have even teased a little. But now, Jeonghan throws his head back a sigh escaping his lips, he can’t even bring to crack a joke or worse lead the conversation from topics other than weather or work.

Silver lining out of all is, this is their second date. Maybe it can lead to something prominent one day. And he can go back to his old ways, find it in himself to laugh and joke around. His gaze flickers to the women’s restroom door, a memory creeping into his mind.

You spilled wine on yourself on a date with him. He tsks, teased you for a klutz while leading you to the washroom. You expected him to stop outside but you should have known how crazy he was. He checked either side before following you in with a false pretense to help you wipe the stain near your chest.

You rolled your eyes at him when his thumb caressed a little longer, understanding his actions. You pinch his arm and he bites his lower lip, suppressing a smile. He looks at you in mockery before squeezing your breast, eliciting a moan, he crashes his lips on you.

“Been a long time,” the waiter reappears before him disturbing him from the memory of his ex. “I hope you remember me.”

Jeonghan’s jaw ticks. The boy, his name tag reads, Dino, is oblivious to Jeonghan's bubbling irritation. He continues, “well, if it was her,” he whispers, checking around for Jeonghan’s date, “she would have recognized me. I can’t believe you let her go.” He shakes his head in disappointment, sneaking glances at Jeonghan.

Jeonghan stands up straight, looming over the younger boy. Darkness exuding from him, now he doesn’t need some little boy to preach what he missed out.

Dino, bad with reading cues continues, “well,” he presses, drawing random figures on the serving tray, “can I… get her number?”

Red flashes in Jeonghan’s eyes, “what?”

Dino takes a step back, eyes shaking, “I-I-I me-mean..” he shields himself with the tray, “yo-you moved on, so, I thought–”

“Thought what?” Jeonghan spits.

“Th-that I sh-should shoot my shot,” Dino musters up courage, squaring his shoulders, head held high, “she is worth the–”

Jeonghan grabs Dino’s collar, “Fuck off you little—”

“Jeonghan? Jeonghan?”

His date grabs his arm off the waiter, “are you crazy? Let him go.”

His date looks at him in worry, her hand still holding onto his arm. Jeonghan snaps at her, “what?” She reels back from him, dropping her hand. Jeonghan closes his eyes, regaining his senses. “Sorry.”

She nods, not meeting his eyes. He scoffs at Dino scurrying away without looking back. “Let’s go.” He leads the way back to their table. This time he doesn’t hold her hand. She jogs to keep up with his pace, reaching out to his hand only to fail. If she is upset she doesn’t show it when he slips his hands into his pockets.

—

“I had fun tonight, Hannie.” She unbuckles her seatbelt, leaning into him, kissing his cheek. “Thank you,” she whispers in his ear.

Jeonghan taps his forefinger against the leather of the steering wheel, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. “Yeah.”

She holds his chin, gently nudging him towards her. Her thumb traces his bottom lip, her brown eyes focusing on the slight cracks and splits. “I don’t wanna ask what you are not gonna tell,” she taps on his lip twice, “but I can’t tolerate it happening again.” She holds his gaze, “if I am gonna have you I want all of you.”

He nods.

She presses a kiss on his lips, her soft ones moving against his static ones. He closes his eyes, shutting down the images of someone who is not his date. He sucks on her bottom lip, the cherry flavour of her lip balm on his tongue.

He unbuckles the seatbelt, slips his hand around her nape pulling her in. Their lips move in fervent need, tongues clashing, biting and nipping. Soft whimpers fill in the car, her hands roaming across his chest. “So hot.” She runs her hand through his long hairstrands, tugging at their ends, “You look—” she breathes as he nips her bottom lip “—fucking hot.”

He holds her roaming hand, intertwining their fingers, his eyes still closed, kissing her now swollen lips.

Images of her clouds him, her cheeky smile when he catches her causing ruckus, her droopy eyes yet a blissful look of satisfaction, her kisses in the middle of the night, her taste, her, her, her everywhere.

Her name slips past his lips in a shaky whisper. He backs away from his date, running a hand through his ruffled hair, “fuck.” He holds the hand slipping away from his grasp, “I am sorry. Sorry, it's just the,” he blinks at her teary face, “the..” he falters.

“Goodbye, Jeonghan.” She exits the car. Her flowery scent lingering in his car, a constant reminder of what he fucked up just because he couldn’t forget his ex.

He hits the steering wheel repeatedly. The ghost of his ex is still haunting him, in the corners of his apartment, the track sounds of her favorite sitcom, in his office, and fuck even in his car fiddling with the playlist.

Does he miss you? He doesn’t (it’s killing him).

Jeonghan ignites the car, clicking some random playlist on his phone. He reverses the car, driving through the silent empty streets, humming to the songs to clear his mind off the awkward date.

The community he resides in is a mile away, small stalls and restaurants around the area are bustling. Familiar neighborhood eases his uneasiness. Few more minutes and he can go home to his whiskey and drown himself in sleep. He rolls the car to a stop at a red light. He keeps clicking on the next song.

Her laughter plays on the speakers. Jeonghan drops his phone in a shock, startled to hear the voice he didn’t hear for months. Her giggles fill in his car, “Hannie, Hannie, baby,” cut off with a moan.

Next song starts playing and Jeonghan stares at the screen with a frown. What just happened? He clicks on the previous song, the voice note replaying. A car honks behind him, he drops the phone checking the rear view, he accelerates through the green light, and pulls up to the side.

The voice note replays again and again. The blinkers on his car keep flicking till a police car pulls up to check on him.

—

You fiddle with the silver band on your ring finger, staring at the blank application opened up on your laptop. It has been an hour, and not even one question has been answered. You let out a long sigh, still confused, still hesitant whether you are truly ready to give love a chance again. The questions are simple, What’s your heartbreaking story? The answer to them isn’t, you are not sure you can rehash your heartbreak in words, without getting the need to find him and see how life has been treating him.

You close the laptop and throw it aside on the bed, burying yourself in the comforter, staring at the unoccupied side of the bed and bright yellow pillow. A stray tear wets your pillow, your hand tracing the empty bedside.

—

Jeonghan punches in the words on his keyboard with force since he can’t punch the person in the face. He sits back cross-checking the draft email just in case his thoughts are translated into words subconsciously. Another visit to the HR will for sure land him in trouble.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” His senior, Soobin, raps his knuckles on the table.

Great, Jeonghan can feel the universe breathing down his neck today. He folds the laptop screen, reclining in his seat listening to the rant.

“I can’t believe you messed up man.” Soobin rakes his hand through his hair, plopping on the empty chair, rolling the paper weights around the table. “She is the hottest one dude.” A sleazy grin on his lips, “a goddess in that red dress.” He mimics the shape of her waist line with his hands. Jeonghan raises his eyebrow at the detail. Soobin smiles sheepishly, adding, “She posted a picture on her account.”

Jeonghan wants to throw up at the vulgarity. “If you find her attractive then why don’t you date her?” He opens his laptop back, sending the mail.

“Have to wait till I break up with my current one.” He says with remorse.

Jeonghan grits his teeth, irritation bubbling up in his chest. He tries to tone it down before it escalates into something like throwing him out of his room or worse, throwing a punch. He doesn’t have it in him to sort through another mess and complicate his already stressful life.

Soobin, not heeding to any hints radiating from Jeonghan, dips his fingers into forbidden waters. “But, come on, man.” He leans in with a wicked expression, “admit it she is the hottest one out of all of your exes. And waaaay better than that sorry shit of your ex. I can’t believe you were stuck up on her. She was boring as hell, and I bet the sex was as dull as—”

Jeonghan isn’t sure of his movements, how and when the things ended up in the way they did. Soobin is on the floor, spitting blood. Jeonghan holds the floor, helping himself to stand up from his senior’s body. Grabbing the opportunity, Soobin throws a punch.

Jeonghan falls back on his ass, his ears ringing and knuckles ache like fuck. He clutches his head, watching Soobin scramble on the floor, sliding away from him. Their CEO is standing at the door barking at them.

He stands up, flicking his hand and stretching his fingers. He grabs Soobin before he can go hide behind their head and puts his all into one last punch.

The CEO drags bloody Jeonghan to his cabin while Soobin is taken to the hospital. “You were up for promotion next month,” the CEO scolds, “a director can’t hit a coworker in broad daylight.”

This followed a two hour long lecture mixed with threats of termination. All the while Jeonghan stares outside the window, two birds coddling. Strangely, he is jealous of two birds for having something he once had.

“Yoon Jeonghan!” The head of the company snaps, “do you feel any remorse for bruising one of our most important employees?”

Jeonghan massages the ache in his hand, did he break his bones? He did keep punching Soobin’s jaw until he saw red.

“He had it coming.” He stands up, buttoning up his suit. “I’m quitting. You can write it up as terminated or whatever makes your ass happy.”

—

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!”

You wake up with a jerk, disoriented. Light floods your room, blinding you for a second, and someone is singing happy birthday. A cake with a burning candle is shoved in your face, and were those cats on the cake.

“Blow it,” a high-pitch voice screams in your ears.

You blow the candle, still lost in the happenings in the middle of the night. Cheers and claps snaps you out of your drowsiness, awakening your brain.

Seungkwan is busy squashing the remnants of cake on his girlfriend’s face, and your roommate is standing awkwardly near your bed end. You search for your phone, finding it under your pillow, you read the date. Ah, birthday.

Messages from your friends and family flood your phone, a hope births inside you, maybe, maybe he remembered and wished you this time. You scroll through the notifications slowly in case you miss it. None. Tears brim your eyes, stupid heart, why does it still hope?

“Come on, come on.” Seungkwan drags you out of your bed and into the living room, blasting music and orchestrating a sudden dance battle. You laugh at their antics, momentarily forgetting about the heartache.

—

“We should go for drinks,” Seungkwan announces in the middle of you enjoying each bite of cold noodles. “Enjoy the fact you become a year older and wiser.” He stirs his chopsticks around the noodles.

“Overnight?” You raise an eyebrow, slurping in the noodles.

The waiter refills the water jug, sets it on the wooden table with a clang. You grab Seungkwan’s glass, filling it to the brim before the waiter has an opportunity to do it. “Thank you,” you smile at the younger male, assuming a college student working for extra pocket money, “we got it. Go and take a breather.” You shoo him away.

He bows in gratitude, scurries away grabbing the opportunity of a five minute break. You chuckle reminiscing about your days of waiting tables.

“Too kind,” Seungkwan berates, sipping on the water. “It’s gonna bite your ass someday.”

“I can’t drink.” You go back to the main topic, “it’s weekday. I have an early meeting tomorrow,” you set the chopsticks down at the soar reminder, “a round of drinks sounds good tho.” You sigh wistfully, “but what can one do? I’m not young anymore to bound back after a night of drinking.”

Seungkwan chews at his food a little louder for your taste. “This must be what they mean by growing pains. And you can’t handle drinks. It’s better to not have you drunk since we have an important meeting tomorrow.” He grabs the menu from the holder, skimming through the noodles section again. “Their noodles are tasty.” He murmurs, “ah,” he taps on a ramyeon picture.

He flags down the waiter from before who approaches your table with merriment. Seungkwan narrows his eyes at the wandering gaze of the waiter towards you.

“One ramyeon,” Seungkwan orders, “and a drink please.”

“Anything else for the beautiful lady over here?” His dimple pops out waiting for you to swallow your food.

“No, thank you.” You twirl the noodles around the chopsticks, you slurp the cold noodles enjoying the flavours bursting in your mouth.

Seungkwan chuckles, “poor boy. Look at him walk away like a sad puppy.”

“Huh?”

He shakes his head, “nothing.” He sets his chopsticks down, “did you hear that there’s restructuring happening? I just hope I won’t be transferred again,” he huffs, folding his hands, “I don’t want to leave Nari.”

“And you,” he adds, after a beat.

The meat floats in the broth, you dunk it deeper into the liquid. You prefer to not be mentioned at all rather than being added as an afterthought. Being someone’s priority is a luxury you realized, not after the break up, but rather when you were in a five year long relationship with your ex.

The nights you laid on the bed waiting for your lover to join you were countless, his disinterest in your enthusiasm, and his laid back answers were the slow killers. Labeled as needy and clingy when asked for attention was the threshold point. And yet, you begged him to stay.

A green feeling bubbles in your chest, stabbing the meat piece you nod to Seungkwan’s rant absentmindedly. You catch bits and pieces of how his girlfriend suffered from the long distance during his last transfer, and how he was helpless to pacify her. If only you got a transfer and Jeonghan was desperate for you back then, would he have realized your value? Does he realize your value now?

The answer was glaring back at you. You have seen, stalked, his dates and flings profile, how happy he is, smiling at the pictures, posing intimately and sharing something that was yours first with strangers. How can he be happy after ruining you for anyone else? Making you incapable of loving someone else? Why, only you, can’t replace him where he is mingling as if you never existed?

—

You peek from your computer at the manager’s cabin. He is in a meeting with a team, and it doesn’t end for another thirty minutes. You click the third link of the web results for Get Love Quick. The cursor at the name field blinks, waiting for your input.

It requires a lot more than momentary courage, you realized, your fingers hover over the keyboard hesitant. Are you really ready for this new step in life? The silver band ring glimmers under the fluorescent lights, you take it off and throw it in the drawer. You are going to fill in the form and submit it. If you are matched then it is a future you’s problem.

Filling in the basic information was a breeze, you crack your knuckles preparing yourself for the big ones.

What’s your heartbreaking story?

The keys click-clacks under your fingers, momentary pauses, a tear rolling down your cheek. You hover over the exit button unable to articulate it in words, but you don't want to give up. Not this time.

By the time you press submit, the office is half empty. You check for your friend, he is clutching his head and looking close to breakdown. You clock out of the system for the day, grabbing your things and sauntering towards your distressed friend.

“What’s wrong?” You grab an empty chair and settle next to him.

Seungkwan looks up at you with red eyes, softly whispering your name.

“Hey,” you panic, “tell me what happened?” You hold his hands bracing yourself.

“My name is on the list for transfer,” his voice quivers, “I have to fill in an empty position at this new branch.”

Your heart aches watching your friend breakdown. “Is there no other way?”

He pulls his blue tie free, “I am not sure. God, I didn’t inform her yet. I just,” he exhales loudly, “I wanna try requesting the manager or the higher ups.”

You nod slowly, gears turning in your mind. Seungkwan has been a steady pillar in your life even during the times of crisis. He didn’t walk away when you pushed him off your life.

“By when you have to transfer?”

“Soon, there’s an urgent requirement in Yangsan.” he answers, “I hate it so much. Why always me?”

You pat his shoulders, “I know. But I think it will work out in your favor this time.”

He scoffs, shutting down the computer, and packs his stuff into his bag. “It never works out. One suffering after another is the theme of my life.”

“Believe me, Seungkwan.” You smile.

He pauses in his track, narrowing his eyes, “I know that smile. Don’t do anything stupid, please.”

You smile wider.

—

Jeonghan cradles nearly empty whisky glass to his chest, spreading his legs wide on the couch, reclining back. He sips from the bottle watching six friends lounging in the flat yapping on the TV screen, the laugh track accompanying the show irks him. How can one find comfort from this show? He can never understand it, but he never stops watching it again and again.

He sips on the last drops of the drink, shaking it in hopes to get more out of it. He discards it on the floor, and grabs his phone.

His thumb brushes over the date displayed on the phone. He used to be busy on this day in previous years, planning the day to its perfection, wooing his girl with carefully crafted plans and in the last two years buried in work.

He misses his home being filled with delicious scents of his cooking her favourites, her laughter at some stupid reruns of sitcoms. It’s been so long since his home and his life has seen some daylight.

His thumb hovers over her chat, uncertainty brimming up in his chest. He shouldn’t text her, he reiterates to himself. He scrolls through her unanswered texts right after their break up.

Please. I’ll be better.

-baby, May

Hannie… how can you do this to me?

-baby, May

Don’t leave me, Jeonghan. Please, I can’t live without you. It can’t be that easy to leave me. I beg you. I’ll do whatever you want. I will text you less, call you less, and we can live separately and only visit once a day. Don’t leave me Jeonghan.

-baby, May

[Voicenote 1:43 mins]

-baby, May

Jeonghan quickly scrolls past the voice note, he doesn’t have enough guts to hear you breaking down. If he does he will be standing outside your home, asking you to come back to this toxic union. Somewhere his mind nags, was it always toxic or were you scared to admit your wrongdoings?

Ridiculous

-baby, June

For my sake? For my sake you broke up?????

-baby, June

Be honest there’s someone else right?

-baby, June

You wanted to get rid of me to be with her

-baby, June

Explains the late nights and unanswered calls

-baby, June

YOON JEONGHAN YOU FUCKING BASTARD ASSHOLE AND AND I love you Jeonghan please… please reply I beg you

-baby, July

I’ll change myself the way you want Jeonghan I won’t be needy please I will give you your space I would be one with the wall in your life as long as I can see you everyday I am okay with anything

-baby, July

Did you loathe me that bad? I heard you already moved on. Is she prettier? Is she self-sufficient? Is she better than me?

-baby, August

[photo of your date holding your hand]

-baby, August

Ah so you really don’t care about me anymore.

-baby, August

I gave you five years of my life. You could have ended it in the first year. Could have spared me the heartache.

-baby, September

It feels like dying. Is this how people feel in their last moments? How can you be so happy while I’m scraping myself off the floor?

-baby, October

Happy birthday

-baby, October

Good luck with your life.

-baby, December

Jeonghan notices the unsent message sitting in the type bar.

Should we try again

He contemplates on sending it, but decides otherwise. He backspaces the message, he scrolls deeper into their conversation when things are rainbows and sunshine.

Hannie Hannie my dear Hannie saw you again in the sky shining brighter than ever… my sun 🌞

-baby

😒

-Jeonghan

Get back to work

-Jeonghan

He remembers smiling ear to ear in the office, rereading her message in the singsong tone of hers. He was fluid like water throughout his work that day, acing every meeting and task, humming all along.

Saw a baby playing with a baby chick 🐤

[photo]

-baby

Sooooooooooo CUTE

-baby

I JUST WANT TO GO AND BITE HIS CHEEKS

-baby

Can I do that 🥺

-baby

Didn’t know our date is at jail tonight

-Jeonghan

Jeonghan laughs at their conversation. Rolling onto his side he scrolls deeper. He sniffles, tears falling onto the cushion. He wipes his blurry eyes, reading the conversation from another day.

Rant incoming

-baby

Uh oh

-Jeonghan

That freaking bastard retard good for nothing asshole and the worlds most dumbest high paid person. How the fuck he got a job. Mr.know it all knows nothing. NOTHING EXCEPT MAKING MY LIFE HELL

-baby

HAVE TO WORK OVERTIME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

-baby

I MISS MY MAN!!!

-baby

(I miss you too)

-Jeonghan

BUT DUE TO THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.. OH HANNIE MY PRECIOUS BABY MY LITTLE MUNCHKIN

-baby

[Incoming call from baby]

Jeonghan wishes he can go back to the time when you called him all the sweet things in the world. If the universe or whoever is out there, is willing to give them one more chance will he take it up? Maybe or maybe not.

When will you be back? I miss you

-baby

…

-Jeonghan

Come on. It’s been like thirty minutes

-Jeonghan

What can I do?

-baby

Your cum is still running down my thighs reminding me of you 🤷‍♀️

-baby

FUCK

-Jeonghan

YOU CANT PULL THAT CARD

-Jeonghan

☹️ okayyyy don’t worry I pushed it all back in.

-baby

Happy golfing Hannie!!! Win and come home 🥰😘

-baby

You DEVIL

-Jeonghan

I’m coming home

-Jeonghan

😇😇😇

-baby

Jeonghan locks his phone, closing his eyes, tears rushing out. A ripping pain in his chest makes him curl up into a ball, he holds himself, all the pain inside of him bursting out. The silence of his apartment is now broken with whimpers and cries for help. It's been so long since he felt something, he doesn’t want to continue to live in this pain. He doesn’t have the will or fighting spirit left in him.

He messed with his career for the sake of his ex, he stopped going out with his friends, and it's been so long since he talked with his parents. Another sob escapes him remembering how you used to hold him whenever he felt low. Despite the thousand fights they had, you were always there to catch him. You are his sun, not the other way around. He is stupid, stupid, stupid.

He ended things for their own good. He realised that no matter how much you love someone, sometimes you just end up hurting each other. He couldn’t bear seeing you standing in the middle of the apartment everyday mid fight with tears spilling out.

He knows he is the problem, he wasn’t mature enough to handle his love with care, love and affection, the only thing you wanted out of him. He only gave you pain, sadness and a reason to cry. He was the source of your unhappiness. He tried to be a source of happiness, but things slipped right through his fingers.

If only he could be more like how you wanted him, maybe today he would have been curled up in your warmth instead of the coldness of his apartment.

—

The office is swarming, phones ringing, and hellos echoing around. You keep checking the manager’s cabin, eyeing the expressions of the director, manager and Seungkwan through the glass doors. It is hard to catch their words, or read their lips, as it is a few cubicles down from yours. You send a document to print, slipping on your heels, you march towards the printer next to the cabin.

Seungkwan catches you, shaking his head subtly before answering to the director. The printer spits out the papers slowly with a wheezing sound, you adjust your hair straining your ears to catch at least a few words.

“... branch needs you,” the director’s firm tone makes you wince, “or…” you lose some words as the printer whirs loudly, and you swear you heard your name, “..can go in your place.”

“I am not sure,” Seungkwan replies, “I can’t..”

A colleague of yours watches you in suspicion, his eyes darting from you to the cabin you are eavesdropping. Fuck, he is HR. You bow in greeting, laughing, pointing at the old printer dying to print out some documents. He nods, mumbling a feeble, keep up the good work.

You collect the papers just in time the director walks out of the cabin, noticing you, he smiles warmly in greeting before walking to his cabin. Seungkwan closes the manager’s cabin behind him, his lower lip wobbly at the sight of you. You step in with him to his cubicle, “what happened?”

Seungkwan lets out a big groan, “I have to start relocating by the end of the month.” He rubs his temples, “I have to tell her tonight.” He checks the time on his watch, “and she was looking forward to our date,” his voice shakes a little, “only for me to pour water over all her excitement.”

He plops down on his seat, keying in his password. You lean against his desk, thumbing the pages, “you know,” you muster up the courage, “I want to ask for this transfer.” You quickly add before he can jump in, “I really want this transfer, Seungkwan. I think..” you trail off, your voice dropping an octave, “I am done with this city.”

You blink back the tears with a laugh, you set the papers on his desk, turning away from him. “I am planning to talk it out with the manager, and,” you look at him from the corner of your eyes, “ask to get off your back.”

He smiles, tapping his fingers on the armrest, “I don't want you to force yourself for my sake.” He raises his hand, stopping you from defending yourself, “someone going away in my place will loosen my burden but I don’t want that to be you. Got my point?”

“I understand, but,” you meet his eyes head on, “I really want to get out of this place, Seungkwan. I don’t have any fond memories left–” Seungkwan scoffs “–apart from our hangouts, of course.”

With a deep inhale, you blurt out, “everywhere I go, I see us. I search for him everywhere,” you wipe away the stray tear, “I don’t want to live this way. Not when he is happy somewhere, in someone’s arms.”

Seungkwan evades your gaze, clicking on some email, “about that..”

“I don’t wanna hear anything else.” You square up your shoulders, “I am going in now and ask for the transfer.”

Seungkwan calls out your name but you are already at the manager’s cabin.

—

“Cheers,” you clink the glasses with Seungkwan’s and Nari’s. You dunk the contents in a single gulp, a bitter sigh escaping your lips.

“Congrats on the new role,” she congratulates, with a beaming smile, “I am very happy for you.”

Seungkwan sips on his soju, not joining in the party of your transfer and beginning of new life. His girlfriend, not knowing the reason behind his silence, chats away about her new boss and the funny antics of his.

Seungkwan grills the meat, the sizzling sounds of the meat grabs your attention more often than you let on. He places the cooked meat on Nari’s plate, your eyes fall on your empty plate, and the growling of your stomach. You pour yourself another glass of soju, laughing at the reenactment of the fall of her new boss.

“I couldn’t not laugh!” she fans herself, “but I was the only one with a loud laugh. He saw me, I just hope he won’t get his revenge.”

You grab the cooked meat from the grill, and blow on it, “he wouldn’t. You are one hard working person. He is lucky to have you on his team.”

She blushes, fumbling with her thumbs. Seungkwan drops the tongs, brushing her pink cheeks. You excuse yourself to the washroom, grabbing your phone. Few messages from your colleagues congratulating on the promotion, and also sad for the transfer. Your heels halt when the email from the Get Love Quick sits on your notifications.

You open the washroom stall, and lock yourself in, calming your nerves. You open the mail.

Dear Heartbroken soul,

Thank you for choosing us to direct you to true love. We are sad to hear your pain, and with all the shit life threw at you, we just want to apologize on behalf of life. Along with the apology we also want to throw in some delight by informing you that, *drum roll*, your date has been fixed for this Sunday. Please find the venue details below.

Ps. As a tradition of Get Love Quick the details of your date is a surprise. Builds the anticipation *wink wink*.

With love,

Get Love Quick

It’s already Friday today, one more day and then you have a date. Your clammy fingers don't help in clicking the venue details in the maps. You rub your sweaty palms onto your skirt, and try again typing the details. This cafe is forty minutes drive away from your apartment.

Is it worth it? You are about to move away from this place in a couple of weeks. You have to start packing away, look for a house in the new city, and break the news to your family and friends. Who would be interested in someone who isn’t available after the first date? Highly unlikely to convert this date into a long distance relationship. A part of you believes that there’s no aspect of you that will be appealing to the other person to make him leave everything too.

For now you put the date on the back burner. You have one more day, and it's Sunday you to decide.

Completing your business in the washroom, you saunter back to the table, slowing down, giving space to the couple kissing. You fiddle with the promotion mails on your phone, coughing into your fist before sliding onto your stool. Seungkwan hangs his hand around his girl, color coming back in his face. Ah, she does hold the key to his heart, no wonder he was desperate to stay.

No matter how happy you are for them, to have each other through ebbs and flows, watching them, or spending time with a couple opens a part inside you that you aren’t proud of. It reminds you of what you don’t have in your life, or what you once had.

“I’m done for the day,” you fake yawn, “my uber is on the way, I will meet you on Monday.” You sling your handbag, walking away before he can understand the urgency in your exit.

“You didn’t even eat anything.” He points the tongs to your full plate, “why are you leaving so soon?”

“I’m tired from all those meetings, and I am not feeling good. Need some rest.”

If he has doubts about your poor acting, he doesn’t comment on it. You greet them good night, exiting the restaurant.

—

The cafe is in a run down building, the ivy creeps all over the creaks, and the light illuminating the cafe name flickers. Sweet Life. No soul is seen around the empty street, a cat mewls from the garbage can, and rustling of covers echoes. The sun is already setting with an orange hue across the sky. You share your location with Seungkwan just in case, tugging the neckline of your dress up, you open the rusty door.

“Welcome!” A woman greets from the whirring coffee machine. “Please find a seat.”

You bow in a greeting, and turn to the almost empty cafe except for, your breath catches in your throat, one person. Your feet stay rooted, your gaze not moving from him, and him staring back at you with his lips parted. The exit door is two steps away, you can run away and sleep it off like it's a bad dream.

The door rattles open, two sleazy men brush past you, stinking of alcohol. You grab the half open door, quickly slipping past the door, your vision blurry making your ankle twist a few times. You sit on your feet, leaning against the wall, rubbing your eyes and the runny nose with the back of your hand, your breathing becomes irregular. Seungkwan. You need him to tell you what to do. You search for your phone in your wallet, dropping the papers, lip balm and keys on the road.

You gasp for air, breathing in through your mouth, hitting your chest. Five things. List down five things, you see a crumpled tin on the pavement, you smell stinky garbage, and you hear the crack of the door opening. Two black shoes step beside you, and you smell of him.

Jeonghan separates a tissue from the stack, and holds the back of your head, wiping your tears. You push his hand away, shaking your head trying to get out of his grasp. He grips onto your neck, pulling you closer to him, his teary eyes glaring back at you. He cleans your wet cheeks. “Breathe in,” he commands, “one..two..do it,” he pleads.

You turn away from his touch. He sighs, kneeling on one foot, “I get it,” his voice wavers, “I know you don’t want me here.” He wipes the corner of your eyes, and below your eyes, “but let's get you calm down.” He whispers, “please, ba–” he clears his throat “–not for me but for you, okay?”

“I-It’s be-because,” you gasp for air, “of y-you.”

Jeonghan sits next to you, on the dirty pavement, “I know.” He holds a fresh tissue to your nose, “I am sorry.” His eyes run across your face, “I didn’t know, or else,” he trails off.

You grab the tissue from him, and blow your nose, sitting on your bum next to him. “Or else you wouldn’t have come.” You hiccup, folding the tissue, “like always.”

He grabs the used tissue from you, stacking all of them next to him. He hands you a new one. Both of you sit in silence, his shoulder leaning against yours, while you catch your breath.

He picks up your discarded items and puts them back in your wallet, “are you good now?”

You pick on the ends of the tissue, sniffling, why is he my date out of all? Jeonghan clasps your wallet shut, drumming his fingers on the black surface of it, his long messy strands obscuring his face.

He is here, next to you, after almost two years, breathing and you can feel his warmth unlike the Jeonghan in your dreams. But why now? When you were all set to move on with someone, anyone new. Leaving everything and him behind in a couple of weeks. What kind of cruel joke is the universe playing now?

“Better than when you left me,” you reply. The bitterness in your words flinches him, he drops his head to his lap, fiddling with his thumbs. You scoff, “are you nervous now?” How dare you feel nervous?

Jeonghan sighs, “I get it you hate me.”

“Hate, Jeonghan? Hate? You ruined me. You left me to tend to myself. I..” your voice wavers, remembering standing outside his apartment, begging him to open up, “what is the point anyway. Reiterating everything won’t change anything.” You grab your wallet from him, you hold onto his thigh helping yourself stand, “you will still be that bastard and I will still be.. me.”

Jeonghan stands up, falling in step with you as you walk without any direction and your anger being the only navigator. “I’m sorry,” he holds your wrist, turning you to him, “I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry?” You hit his chest, he stumbles back, “do you think saying sorry will heal me? All those nights,” you are crying again, “all…” you hit him, “those..” another hit “nights..” he accepts all your hits.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that!” You shout. “You don’t even mean it.” You grab his shirt, his familiar warm woody scent cracks your semblance. “You don’t even.. mean it.” You inch closer, nuzzling into his chest, inhaling his scent.

God, no!

You push him away, “no, no, no.” You turn around, running away from him and the dead feelings sprouting back.

Few more steps and you will reach the road. Some taxis should be there for you to go back home. Before you can come into proper light, he tugs you back.

“Please,” he begs, “one chance. One dinner,” he holds your hands, squeezing them.

The streetlight falls on him, you forget your anger for a moment, reaching to his brown bruise on his chin and split lips. “What happened to you?”

He leans into your palm, closing his eyes, tears falling onto your arm. He grips onto your other hand, “please, one more chance.”

“What makes you think you deserve it?”

Jeonghan slowly opens his eyes, his brown eyes flicking across your face, “you still carry my picture.” He holds up your left hand, tracing the print of the ring that used to be on your ring finger.

You shove his hand away, “I’m not meeting you anytime soon. Or anymore.”

You sink in the new details of him one last time, he lost weight, and the dark circles under his eyes are prominent. The bruise on his cheek is dark, and the split on his lip is red with blood. What on earth is he doing with himself? You don’t have it in you to know the reason, scared you will crumble here and now, taking him back into your life in a beat.

“Have a good life, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan speaks up, halting you from moving away. “When you are not wanted or needed by anyone then you cease to exist.” You look in his eyes, the dark ones hold yours, “The moment,” he is towering over you, clad in black long coat, “you walked away, my existence went away with you.” He silences you, pressing his finger onto your lips, “I am an idiot who didn’t realize your worth and,” he brushes your cheek with his thumb, “took you for granted.

“I tried everything, baby,” he rests his head over yours, bending to your height, “nothing is you. I was searching for you in everyone,” his breath hits your forehead, “and no one is you. I am not asking you to take me back,” you look in his eyes, “yet. One dinner, one chance is all I ask.”

When he meets your silence, he calls out your name in a soft whisper. “Baby,” he pulls your chin up, “one dinner.”

And you crumble like a historic building holding years of past, falling apart. You are nodding to his request even before you know.

—

The day’s heaviness settles on your shoulder, the entire ride back home has been a blur. Pushing past the door, you enter your apartment, leaving your high heels and keys. Seungkwan is already at your flat, lounging on the couch, eating your snacks. He springs to his feet, rushing towards you, “what happened? Why are you crying?”

You throw your wallet onto the coffee table, the potato chip bag crunching under your feet as you make your way to the couch. Seungkwan sits next to you, questioning you. Your phone vibrates on the coffee table, he grabs it at a lightning speed, opening it and his eyes going wide, dropping the phone on the carpet.

“Fuck.”

He pulls you into a bear hug. You sob into his shoulder, incoherent words leaving your lips in an attempt to explain what happened. He pats your head, cooing comforting words.

“He is there, Seungkwan.” You rub your eyes, “he is my date. How can this happen?”

“I am sorry,” he holds your arms, tears in his eyes, “I am so sorry. It’s all because of me, I shouldn’t have forced you to–”

“No,” you pick your phone from the carpet, unlocking it. “It would have happened sooner or later.”

Did you reach home safely?

-Hannie

“Block him.”

Locking your phone, you hide it behind you. “Can’t.”

He frowns, “why?”

You drop your gaze to your lap, “we are meeting on Tuesday for dinner.”

The expletives leaving from Seungkwan’s mouth makes you shut your ears. “Hand me over your phone now.” He extends his palm, waiting. Your bottom lip quivers, you give a slow shake of your head. “For fuck’s sake.” He reaches for it, and you hold it with your entire being.

“Listen to me, listen to me,” you plead, Seungkwan reclines back in his seat. “He just wanted one dinner,” you raise your arm when Seungkwan opens his mouth, “only one dinner. And with my schedule, I won’t be able to meet him more than that.” You reason. “I will be away, and he won’t be there. I think this will be the end.”

“End my foot.” Seungkwan snatches the phone from you, and hits the block button. “He is back at it again. Getting into fights, summoned by po—”

“Fights?”

Seungkwan bites his tongue in grimace. “Nothing.”

“Seungkwan.” Your voice is firm, thinking about the bruises on his face. What on earth is he up to? Fights? You knew he had some issues managing his tongue but he never hit someone out of anger. “What are you hiding?”

Seungkwan clutches his head in a groan, leaning back on the couch. “I’ll tell you if you promise me you won’t meet him.”

You gape at him, your lips opening and closing without a single word escaping. Anger seeps into your thoughts, hating the way Seungkwan is interfering in your life. “I am telling you that it's going to be only one dinner!”

He flinches at your sharp voice, glaring back at you. “And I know you!” He fights back, “I saw you. It's not gonna be a single dinner.”

He holds your arm, handing you your phone back. “I am not against you,” he stands up, “I was with you, am with you and will always be.”

Guilt crawls into your heart, god, it’s happening again. How can you lash out at Seungkwan? This is exactly why Jeonghan re-entering your life is catastrophic. The chaos he left took you long enough to calm it down. And now with your behavior you aren’t sure Seungkwan is going to stay with you this time.

“I’m sorry.” You apologize, staring at the blocked contact on your phone, tracing his message. You lock the phone, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have,” you gesture between you two, “I’m sorry. I won’t meet him.”

Seungkwan takes your hands in his, sitting next to you, “you have to believe me.” You nod, not meeting his gaze. “I know it seems tempting and you want to have him back but,” he tilts to the side, wanting you to look at him, “he is not worth it. Not worthy of your love.”

Flashes of Jeonghan holding you, calming you and wiping your tears and snort crosses your mind. The tenderness in his gestures, regularizing you out of the anxiety attack, and the desperation to meet you one more time. If this ain’t love then what is?

But you don’t say this to Seungkwan, he wouldn’t understand you or Jeonghan. Your relationship with Jeonghan wasn't smooth sailing like Seungkwan’s is. You had your high tides, heavy rains and darkest sails but he was your port, your anchor, and the morning always came.

“Yeah,” you pull your arms out of his hold. “Go home, Seungkwan, it’s late.”

He is silent for a few seconds, but stands up ready to leave.

“Should I know why Jeonghan is involved in fights?” You ask from the couch.

Seungkwan holds the door open, turning to you, “it's better if you don’t.”

So it is because of you.

—

Packing your entire life and moving away isn’t as easy as you thought it would be. The boxes around you are overwhelming, and yet the packing is the only thing that’s keeping you sane.

It’s been a week since your meeting with Jeonghan. Work has been hectic leaving you little time to think about the notifications of the blocked contact. It feels like a drink is placed before a recovering alcoholic, tempting yet restraining yourself.

Your phone lights up again with another notification of the blocked caller. You flip the phone, tackling the old clothes into a box. Why did you buy all of these? Folding an old sweater your attention drifts to your phone. One call or text wouldn’t hurt, right? Or unblocking him is not going to hurt you. He is your Jeonghan after all.

Shaking yourself out of it you shove the sweater into the box. You kneel down on the floor, bending to grab the clothes shoved inside of your cupboard. Jeonghan’s. Hoodies and oversized T-shirts of his you loved to wear.

You pluck the blue oversized tee, running your hand over the softness, a laugh tumbling out of you at the memory.

He spent an entire week searching for the tee only to find you wearing it one night. He stood near the kitchen counter, hands folded across his chest, pissed.

You didn’t dare to acknowledge him knowing he is waiting for you to give in. Or some explanation on why you searched for the tee along with him when you are very well aware where it is hiding.

You chop the carrots into thin slices and pretend he isn’t standing near you. He scoffs, his slippers hitting against the wooden floors as he approaches you. You slithered to the side slowly, peeking over your shoulders.

Anger is replaced with a lopsided grin on his face, he drags you to him by the shirt. He locks your wrists behind your back and grabs your face, leaving stinging kisses. Hearing your grumbles, and chasing lips for his’ in need of a proper kiss, he spanks your ass muttering, “punishment.”

You stuff his clothes into an empty moving box before it can pull you into the darkness of his memories. Wiping your tears with your shirt sleeve. The phone lights up yet with another notification. Another call from the blocked contact.

A sob leaves your lips, why is he so insistent now? After all these months why is he adamant on talking to you. The urge to unblock him and text him is uncontrollable, but Seungkwan’s words run through your mind. You imagine his disappointed face once he knows that you didn’t listen to him, and honestly you are a little scared that he will stop talking to you. You are scared that the only person who cares about you will leave you, just like everyone else.

Clearing the notifications you shoot a text to Seungkwan.

Need to drop these off at Jeonghan’s.

-sent

I’ll drop by and do that.

-Seungkwan

One last glance at the box containing his clothes you are overcome by the need, and pluck one of his black hoodies. You pull over the hoodie, hugging yourself as you curl up on the floor next to a half filled trolley and dozens of boxes.

—

Jeonghan is pacing around his living room, chewing on the unlit cigarette. He dials your number again and again. Blocked? How can you block him? You didn’t delete him away after the break up, but you did it now? Not when you agreed to meet him for dinner, and he can tell a lie, especially when it's coming from you.

He drops the cigarette on the couch rustling through his drawers for the unused phone. It should have another sim, if he can contact you with it he can end this torture. Going to your house is also an option that he considered dearly, he didn’t want to cross that last boundary. Not especially when you are putting up a wall for some reason. Oh, how he so wants to fuck the rules.

The knock on his door garners his attention from throwing the notebooks and mail from the drawer like a raccoon sifting through trash. He runs his hand through his unkempt hair watching Seungkwan standing outside his door. He leaves the door open, massaging the space between his eyebrows. Seungkwan visiting him will never end in peace.

“Here.” Seungkwan throws a bag onto the couch. The bag bounces off the couch and falls on the floor. “Your clothes.”

Jeonghan turns around at those words, frowning. His clothes? Why would Seungkwan have–ah. He pads over the strewn notebooks and papers on the floor, reaching for a new cigarette, his fingers shaky. The bits and pieces aligning themself, the abandoned dinner, blocked contact, and now—his clothes. He glares over his shoulder at the man who is ruining his life, along with yours. You would never ever even dare to discard a single message from him.

“Don’t ever contact her.” Seungkwan warns, completing surveying Jeonghan’s dumpster called home. “She finally moved on.”

Jeonghan rests his hand on the wooden surface, the cigarette crushing between his fingers. He tilts his head to the side, giving a once-over at the friend of his ex. “Did she, now?”

Seungkwan takes a threatening step forward, “Don’t you dare, Yoon Jeonghan.” He fists his hand, “you are a bastard, and have you seen yourself,” he spits, “do you think she needs someone like you?”

Images of you laughing at his mess and swatting his shoulder before dragging him to clean up crosses his mind. He loved those moments.

“You don’t deserve a second of her attention.” Seungkwan continues, “Go back to your devious ways and party life. And leave her alone.”

He storms out of the apartment, leaving behind a seething Jeonghan.

Fuck rules.

—

You rustle under your blanket, the faint knock on your door stirring you out of your slumber. The night is up outside your window, the cool spring air blowing in, curtains flying in tune with it. Another knock. No one visits you at ten in the night, peeling off the thin blanket you step in the empty spots between trolleys and card boxes. Did Seungkwan need something from you?

Your roommate winces at your sleepy state once you open the door. She looks over to her left scowling. “I tried.”

What? Your eyebrows pull in at the confusion, what’s going on?

Jeonghan steps in, hovering over your roommate. The sleep goes away from your body, nervous system kicking in for the fight or flight response. What is he doing here? His blood red eyes doesn’t move away from you, drinking in your bed head, and the—shit, fuck, his hoodie. Your knuckles turn white from the deadly grip on the door handle, shut it.

“Call me if you need me.” Your roommate steps away, giving space for him to come closer.

He crowds over you, his cozy scent mixed with cigarette smell messing with your senses. You push the door to a close on his face, his hand holds the door, his strength threatening over yours, he pushes it open with ease. If he was angry earlier, now he is pissed. His chest brushes your face, his hand coming over your shoulders, bringing you both inside your room, and shuts the door behind him, turning the lock in.

“Why?”

Desperateness clings to your voice. The grip on your shoulder causes you to jerk back, pushing his chest away from you. He backs away to the door, hands behind him. Your fingers hover over the light switch, wondering whether to turn it on or not. Seeing him might make it harder for you to handle all the emotions. The memories of him you have in this room, the ones that kept you going and also pulled you back, drove you crazy and now with him in the space won’t help you hold back anymore.

The light stays off, the street light falling from your window is the only illumination outlining the shadow of him. You are standing next to the window a few feet away from him, your hands clasped behind your back.

Jeonghan shuffles across the room, his hand tracing the edge of the table placed near the window, a few steps away from you but closer than before. He leans on the table with one hand, another stuffed in his jean pocket. A car headlights flashes across your room, he is wearing the blue t-shirt. He got his clothes back.

“You aren’t picking my calls.”

“Didn’t feel like it,” you answer after a beat.

“You or Seungkwan?”

You snap your head from your fingers to him, “What?”

Another step forward. “You have so many protecting you,” he pauses, and adds with a slight shake in his voice, “from your villain.” He dips his head to the floor, his hair cascading his face.

You prick on your fingers, locking them behind you. No, you can’t touch him.

A chuckle escapes from him, he flips his head back, running his crooked fingers through the hair. “I earned the title.” He shrugs. “But,” he singled out his focus on you, “I would’ve stopped calling if,” another step, “you didn’t want me.” He tilts his head, the light from the window directly falling on him, his frown, “but for Seungkwan?”

“I didn’t want to see you.” A half lie.

His lip curls into a smirk, “you couldn’t lie then.” He nods to himself, “and you can’t lie now. So, don’t.”

“Why are you here, Yoon Jeonghan?”

He is toying with the bobble head on your desk. “Why do you think so?”

The words rattles the last wall you are holding up. Tears prick your eyes, exhaustion creeps up your bones. “Stop,” your voice wavers, he looks up with confused eyes, “please.”

The frown line between his eyes is prominent, he lets go of the bobble head and is standing next to you. His scent engulfs you, clouding all your thoughts. “Don’t cry,” his hand reaches for your cheek but stops, not touching. “Please.” The crack in his voice is too much.

You step away from him, stumbling on the trolley. He stabilises you by your arm. You push away his grip, backing away to the bed. Pulling up the blanket you hide beneath it. A sob escaping. The bed dips, he holds your knee over the blanket.

“Let me see you,” he pleads, “one last time, and I’ll leave. But don’t cry.”

You shake your head. “You are the worst.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yo-you ca-can’t come-comeb-ack and.. and,” you hiccup, sobbing uncontrollably. “Ex-expect me-me to be ok.”

He pulls you into a hug, the blanket slips off your face. He pats your head, “please, don’t cry.” His cheek presses into yours, nuzzling his nose into your hair. “I don’t want you to cry. If being with me makes you cry then,” he grips onto your shoulder, pressing himself tightly, “then I’ll leave.”

“You always leave.” You free yourself from him. Breathing in and out to regulate yourself. “Always.”

Jeonghan holds you down, “if you want me to stay, I’ll stay.” He brushes the stray strands off your face, “but if I’m going to be the reason for you to cry then I won’t. I don’t want you to cry, not again.

“I realise my mistakes. I shouldn’t have been the asshole, and ran away from our problems that day. I’m sorry. Hate me, hit me and slap me all you want till your anger subsides. But don’t cry. You and I, we both want each other,” he holds the drawstrings of your hoodie, “we are for each other. I’ll wait till you can accept me.”

“Lies.” You turn away from his pleading face. “I have seen you. And your fuck buddies.”

Jeonghan groans, rubbing his face in frustration. “I didn’t sleep with anyone. There was no one after you.” He clings onto you, “I did go out but it never worked.”

You scoff, not believing his words. The pictures looked pretty chummy for you to believe that nothing happened afterwards, especially knowing how handsy Jeonghan can be.

“I can dial all my dates and let them speak to you,” he pulls out his phone, opening the messaging app and scrolling through dozens of unanswered chats.

You hold his hand before he hits the dial button. “No need.” Like Jeonghan, you can tell when he is lying or not. “But you moved on pretty quickly.”

“I had to.” He answers quickly, “or else I would have sorted you back. And it wouldn’t have been a good choice.”

“Why?”

“You weren’t happy,” his voice drops, barely a whisper, “and I wasn’t too. And it really gutted me to see you cry,” he sounds distant, like lost in a memory, “I hate to see you cry, whether we were fighting or not. It didn’t matter that I was angry at you. And when it became clear that I was the reason for you crying every night, I couldn’t do it any longer.

“I wondered maybe if I stepped away from–” his voice breaks “–your life then you would finally be happy. You don’t know how much my chest hurt when you were crying outside my door. Baby,” the nickname slips his mouth before he can hold it back, “I really thought you would be happy, and if I had known,” he wipes your tears tenderly, “it would break you this bad, I would not have done it.”

“It’s for good.” You say, “we needed space. I was too much, too greedy for you and your attention.”

“No–”

You cut him off, “let me talk. I realized how it tortured you, I occupied your entire life. I restrained you, what not. I did later on hear from your friends on how.. how you cancelled all your plans and didn’t meet them.” You chuckle, fumbling with your fingers, “and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. I am sorry. Truly.”

“I don’t want–”

“And as much as we want to rework on our relationship,” you cut in again, “I don’t think it’ll work again. Not only because of our pre-existing issues, but there are few others.”

He shifts uncomfortably, “like?”

“Like, I am moving away in a week.” You gesture around the trolleys and moving boxes. “I was that needy when you were next to me, imagine us doing long distance.” You chuckle imagining the disaster it will be, the tears shining on the edge of your eyes. “I might even kill you.”

“You are moving?”

The smile vanishes noticing the hurt laced in his words. “Yeah. That should explain the mess in my room. You know how much–”

“You hate messy room. I know.”

“Yeah..”

Silence cascades between you two. He is ruffling his hair, a tic whenever he is in distress. You pick on your finger not knowing what to say or how to.. end things again. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did the first time, right? Maybe this time you may walk out unharmed as long as you don’t remember that Jeonghan wants to try things again. If only it was as easy as telling yourself to just forget.

Jeonghan wouldn’t move from Seoul or quit his job where he put in his blood, sweat and tears. The long nights and weekends he invested, the ranks he climbed are too dear to him to lose now. You aren’t that special anymore for him to resign and find you. Bidding your goodbyes now is the right thing to do.

“I–”

“Where are you moving to?” He asks. “What about your job? The lease? Your parents?”

You hear the unasked question. What about me?

“I am being transferred to another branch. Seungkwan was supposed to go but his girlfriend–”

Jeonghan snorts. “Explains. You are lifting your entire life just for a friend?”

“He is my brother.” You snap. “If not for my father he will be the one to walk me down the aisle. Don’t downplay our friendship.”

“How can I not? He is the reason you weren’t talking to me. Me! He is ruining whatever we are having or would have.”

“Because he saw me. He helped me put myself back when you were galavanting with your dates and what not!”

“This is too much to do for someone else. It isn’t right. If he is chosen he has to go no matter what.”

You stare at Jeonghan in the dark, “this is nothing compared for people we love. If you loved someone then you would have understood.”

Nodding to yourself at his silence, you pull your hoodie sleeves over your fingers. “I am not going to tell you where I am moving to, Jeonghan. It wouldn’t help either of us. I would be too stuck up in hopes that you would come, and you wouldn’t even bother to..” you shake your head, “what’s the point. We are running in circles.

“We had a good five years, maybe four before it all went down. But it's something I cherish for the rest of my life.” You cup his cheek, “have a good life, Jeonghan. Don’t drink too much, or smoke. Clean up after yourself, and,” you feel wetness crawling on your hand, “and, you are a good person. If we had met in different timelines where you weren’t distant and I wasn’t desperate, we would have ended up in an ocean side house with a little family like you always wanted.”

He rests his head on your forehead, his tears falling on your cheeks. “Bye, Jeonghan.”

—

Yangsan is a breath of fresh air. It’s more of a town than a city, reminding you a little of your hometown. Neighbors were friendly helping you lug your furniture up the stairs to the first floor. Your ears strained from listening to them go off about the highlights this city has to offer. Sparkly, full of life.

Their words blend with the sounds of the ocean. You saunter to the balcony attached to the living room, sliding the glass doors. Salty air hits you in the face, a little treat for your sweaty self. The summer sun sits in the middle of the sky, shining brighter than ever you have seen, blinding you for a few seconds. Adjusting to the light, the blueness of the ocean pulls you further.

The sounds of the waves rattles the serene feeling, an overwhelming emotion consuming your entire being. You gamble with the risk of staying near to the ocean, the stench and cyclones, but if you are going to live here for a year you want it to be somewhere you love.

You got a feeling— a hunch, that you are going to love Yangsan. It’s about time.

—

Work at the new branch turns out to be better than your previous office—minus not having Seungkwan. The new role is full of heavy responsibilities as you have to carry a team of six. Growing closer to them was a task, and it took you three months to reach this point.

“Thank you for all your hard work.” You beam at your small team cooped up in the meeting room. Tired smiles thrown back at you. “Should we grab dinner and have some—”

The team is already up, closing their laptops and hurrying out of the meeting room. You have never seen an enthusiastic team for a team dinner. Seungkwan and you had to drag yourselves to the dreadful and boring dinner which was borderline a self-boasting manager session.

Hansol, one of your juniors, is closing his notes and capping his pen. Neatly coiling his charger cable, he sets everything on top of his laptop.

“Hansol,” you approach him slowly, like getting near to a stray kitten afraid you might make it run away, “are you coming for dinner?”

He straightens, rubbing his neck. “Ah..”

“I mean no big deal but the team would be happy to have you with us. Afterall you were the key player to lock in the client. You need to celebrate.” You persuade, or more like try to.

Hansol is known for skipping the team dinners, happy hours and laying low until it’s crucial work. One month into the office, you heard the rumours floating around, Hansol moved back from Seoul. His childhood sweetheart and love of his life cheated on him. It’s his third year in this branch, and he still eats alone most of the time. You didn’t dig deeper, if time comes then he will be ready to talk about it.

You would be lying if you say you don’t have a soft spot for him. You saw a part of you in him, in his absent stares, hunched back, and disassociated nature. Coming out of love can be heart wrenching, imagining a betrayal from the most trusted person is just dying. The dark cloud is always over his head, a smile as rare as a comet. All you could do is hope that he will find his happiness again.

He traces his finger along the coiled charger. “I mean it's fine if you don’t want to,” you jump in scared that you are acting as your previous manager. “But I really appreciate all your help.” You smile when he finally looks at you. “Keep up the good work! See you on Monday.”

Sunhee, your other junior is standing by the door, her handbag on her arm. Anxious eyes on the man trailing behind you. Turning off the lights you cross check the meeting room before closing it.

“Are you going to your cats again?” Sunhee asks Hansol.

“Ah..” he rubs the back of his neck, looking at her for a second before staring at the floor. After a brief moment he adds, “nah, coming for dinner.”

The girl’s cheeks tint pink, jaw slack open. You shake your head, walking to your desk and packing away your day.

—

The dinner turns rowdier than you anticipated. One by one of your co-workers are being sent home, leaving you with slightly buzzed Sunhee, Hansol, and two more of your co-workers waiting on their ride home.

“I’ll pour you a drink,” Sunhee grabs the soju bottle, giggling at the swirling liquid, “round, round,” she mimics the movement with her head, “ah, dizzy.”

You slap her hand away from the bottle, “no more drinks. You are going home next.”

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaat??!?!??” She cups her mouth, tears springing in her eyes. “You can’t do this to me!!” Coyly she flits her gaze to the man sitting across her, “Chwe Hansol!”

The man, already tipsy with overly bobbing his head, said, “that’s me.”

“Why??” She screeches, “for the love of the god—”

“Amen.” He bows.

You throw your head back laughing at the ridiculous scene unfolding before you.

Sunhee hits him with a crumpled up tissue. “CHWE HANSOL!”

He straightens up, “yes, ma’am.”

“For the love of the god,” she repeats, he mutters another amen, “why? Why won’t you understand?” She continues over his giggles.

His giggles die down. She slumps over the table, her long hair all over the place. You awkwardly look across the two, scratching your forehead wondering whether you should stay or give them the private space.

The team has already gone home except for you three. Sending them home is also your responsibility as the sober one and as a senior. One look at the distressed girl next to you makes you slouch back giving them the time they needed.

It’s no secret that Sunhee loves Hansol. From bringing in his favorite coffee to staying back overtime just so she could leave with him. Countless conversation starters only to end with a nod from him.

“Look at me,” she pleads, “please look at me.” Her voice quivers, “I’m standing here waiting for you to look at me.”

Hansol twirls the liquid in his glass, her words going over him. He doesn’t reply or even acknowledge her words, all her efforts and love are one-sided.

You attempt to stand up and leave them to talk, maybe without you between them Hansol might talk.

Sunhee grabs your hand, tear stained cheeks and bloodshot eyes, “if you leave he isn’t gonna stay. Please.”

You concede, patting her back in quiet encouragement.

“I answered you.” He replies after a prolonged silence. “It’s not gonna change.”

Your heart breaks watching tears spill from Sunhee’s eyes onto her lap. Her attention is not wavering from the one boy who is actively avoiding her. You slip your hand into hers, pressing it in a reassuring way.

She squeezes back, a wavering smile and she picks her bag. “See you on Monday, senior.” She salutes, laughing with tears. “Bye, Hansol.”

“Can I drop you home?” You ask.

“I sobered up. Thank you.” She walks out of the table, and her wobbly steps towards the exit.

Hansol refills his empty glass, sipping on it in silence. You check for the notifications on your phone, another missed call from Seungkwan. You sigh, you have to answer him one day.

“I’m a villain in your eyes right?” Hansol’s question cuts through the awkward silence. “A bastard who broke the sweetest girl on the earth.”

You set your phone down, shaking your head vehemently. “No, Hansol.”

He chuckles to himself, pouring another glass of drink. “The funny part is my sweetest girl on the earth broke me beyond repair.” He looks at you, but distant, lost in thought. “I feel something after so long,” his hand is over his heart. “I feel bad for breaking her. But she deserves more than what I could offer.”

You frown.

“It’s for her best.”

His words trigger the angrier side of you. You shouldn’t mix your past with their future. Before you can restrain yourself a scoff slips past your lips.

His eyes widen, “what?”

“If you don’t have guts to change yourself, then don’t say stuff like ‘it’s for her’,” you say, “if you want her then pick your ass up and get your life together.”

Hansol blinks.

“I mean,” you run a hand through your hair, “thinking about it, if you are letting her go because she deserves more, then you should have at least a little bit of interest in her right?”

He doesn’t agree nor deny.

“Do you doubt Sunhee’s capability of decision making?”

“No.” His answer is quick. “Her decisions led us to achieve the highest returns.”

“See.” You refill his empty glass, “she knows you for years, she likes you, and she has an idea of what she will get out of this relationship. So don’t bullshit yourself saying she deserves more.”

Hansol is lost in thought. His gaze on the exit where Sunhee disappeared.

“She isn’t your ex. I can’t say she won’t break your heart,” your voice lowers, “you never know what life makes you do but you can’t deny something beautiful just so you are scared.

“And that’s where I’ll stop. I have already butt in where I shouldn’t have. Do you have a ride home?”

Hansol checks his phone, “yeah. My neighbor is around and he said he’ll pick me up.”

“That’s kind of him.” You comment. “People around here are more hospitable than the ones in Seoul.”

“He is from Seoul.” Hansol clarifies, “he came here,” he ponders, “one or two months back? But he is always travelling back and forth.”

“Ah. Seoul has good people too then.”

“You are from Seoul.” He frowns, “you are a good person.”

You turn pink from his compliment. “Th-thank you. I’ll be right back.”

You take a much needed washroom break. The day has been tiring, and very long. Did you overstep in counselling Hansol? Who are you to lecture him on what he should or shouldn’t think? You couldn’t help yourself listening to him say the same words once you heard from your ex.

Washing your hands you wipe them off with a paper towel. Yoon Jeonghan. It's been six months since your last conversation with him. How is he doing? You are actively trying to not think about your life from Seoul, pushing everything away that reminded you of that time. Sadly, Seungkwan also falls into that category hence screening his calls too.

Jeonghan must be living his dream. He isn’t the one to fall back in life. The grit and passion he has shown is enough testament. He must have moved on by now. Found a girl who is of his ideal type, not someone needy and clingy.

You rush out of the washroom before you submerge yourself in self-pity. This is Yangsan. And this is new you. No more Yoon Jeonghan. No more…

A man in a long black coat catches your attention for having a similar build as your ex lover. You search for his hair to make sure if he is your Jeonghan. Sadly he is wearing a cap. Your steps pick up its pace, following the stranger amidst the drunken men going towards washroom.

The stranger whispers something to Hansol and exits. Hansol’s neighbour?

“Senior!” Hansol waves to you, “caught you in the right moment. My ride's here, see you on Monday.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You crane your neck to get a sight of the stranger but he is already out of the restaurant. “Did your neighbour come?”

He nods. “I have to go. I’m sorry. He’s a bit short tempered.” He winces. “But thank you for all your help. Thank you.”

“No problem.” You pick your own bag ready to leave. “Have a great weekend, Hansol. Remember to get some sun.”

He smiles before leaving.

You pay the bill at the counter, berating yourself. What were you thinking? Yoon Jeonghan here? In a nameless city? He didn’t put his feet anywhere remotely as close to a town. Even your trips while dating were to some exotic places.

Why are you following some stranger? Why are you still looking for him when you ended things with him? When will you learn?

—

You are at a restaurant again. This time Hansol chooses a seat next to Sunhee. During the one month since the team dinner, there have been little changes in Hansol. He has been starting conversations—not every single time but once or twice in a couple of weeks. He tries to attend the happy hours every Thursday.

Biggest change of all is he doesn’t shut down Sunhee completely. He sits in his chair when she comes around and doesn’t leave like previous times. Talks in sentences instead of one or two word answers. All in all you are proud to see the change.

“You are drinking tonight?” Sunhee holds the soju bottle, suspicious of your sudden need for alcohol. “Are you really sure you can hold your liquor?”

You roll your eyes, “I should be asking you that. Do you even remember what you do once you are drunk? Should I remind you of the countless times I have to drag your screaming ass?”

Hansol snickers.

“You too. You were the worst. How can you sleep in the middle of the road?!”

Hansol plucks the soju from Sunhee and pours you a drink. “Enjoy your night, senior.”

He is shutting you up with alcohol but you don’t complain, drowning it in one gulp. Ah, the bitterness. You missed the feeling.

“Pour me one too.” Sunhee shoves her glass into his face. “Why are you hiding it? I need a drink too.”

“Another!” You slam your empty glass on the table.

Hansol fulfills your request. You drain down the contents.

“Slow down.” Sunhee attempts to steal your glass. You slap her hand away. “What’s gotten into you today?”

“The rain doesn’t look like it’s gonna stop soon.” Hansol sighs, “I can’t believe we are in October already.”

Sunhee nods, momentarily forgetting about you stealing the bottle and pouring yourself another drink. “It’s getting chilly. I have to take out my scarves and cardigans.”

“October,” you sigh, dragging all of your hair to one side, “I hate octobers.”

“And that’s because?”

“Just hate it.” You shake your head, pouting. The table starts to spin, “hate it hate it.”

“She’s gone.” Hansol concludes.

“Not even half a bottle? You are drunk only from four glasses?” Sunhee throws her arms in the air, “I can’t believe you.”

You giggle into your palms. “Hehe.”

Sunhee and Hansol sit in silence, dropping everything to watch you, the ever uptight senior, always in control of every moment, giggling to yourself.

“Did you see what I saw?” Sunhee nudges Hansol’s ribs.

He gives an affirmative nod.

“What I’m saying is!!” You stand up holding the soju bottle as your mic, “hello! Everyone!”

The elder men all hooted back. Sunhee grabs your arm from across the table, whisper-yelling you to sit down.

The overhead lights are brighter than your future, blinding you for a second. “Hehe,” you snicker at the futile attempts of Sunhee to make you shut up, “I love youuuuu guysss.”

“Love you back, princess.” One of the drinkers calls back.

Few other voices overlap your muzzled brain can’t decipher. You turn to the audience, “what?”

A hand clamps your mouth shut, another hand dragging you out of the restaurant. “Touch alcohol one more time and you’ll see my—”

You fumble over your heel at an unseen step, falling onto your knees and hands. You giggle remembering something similar happened to you. You sit down on the wet floor wondering when you fell on the floor.

It was related to someone you love. “Loved.” You mutter to yourself, sadness washing all over you, “loved.” You toy with the sleeves of your shirt. “Is he celebrating now?”

Sunhee picks you up by your shoulder, “I can’t with you and this city. I am fed up. Stand up please. I can’t carry you all on my own. Where the fuck is Hansol?”

You lean on her shoulder, wrapping your arms around her. “Why do you hate this city so much? I love it!”

“Are you being serious now? What’s there to love about this city? No one loves this city except you.”

“That’s not true.” You watch a car approaching you two. “Hannie will love it.”

“Hannie?” She steals a glance at you. “Hansol? Since when did you two become nickname basis?”

Hansol gets down from the parked car, grabs you from Sunhee helping you into the car. He drops you on the seat, you plop down from the sudden release hitting the roof of the car. Your mind blanks out a second, pain vibrating throughout your skull.

“Careful.” Sunhee chides from behind, helps you sit up in the seat before buckling you up. “Are you okay? Should we go to the hospital?”

You smile, shaking your head.

“Are you sure?”

You nod.

Hansol drives you home. The rain hits the window harshly, the water sliding down in a hurry. Your eyes droop, blinking slowly at the blurry window. It’s October 4th. The day you dread, his birthday.

You honestly thought you were doing great. Going out, talking with new people, actively not pushing away people who show interest in you and even went on a date. It ended on a friendly note but the point is you moved on.

Until a memory or a food or a tv show reminds you of him. In the middle of the day when you hear someone hum a song he used to sing, you have to spend thirty minutes in the restroom consoling yourself, or overwork yourself to death.

Then you realised you can’t tear him away from your life. He is going to cross your mind, strangle your heart, and it will always leave a bitter taste of what could have been if you weren’t scared. If you were a little brave to accept him again, brave to loose Seungkwan over Jeonghan, and brave to face another heartbreak, you would have been celebrating his birthday.

Sunhee tugs you to your flat, holding your arm and keeping you from rain. The umbrella pokes your shoulder now and then, you stretch your arm enjoying the rain drops on your hand.

“Rain is pretty,” you mumble. A little sad that you are already under the roof. “Pretty, just like Hannie.”

“Hannie?” Hansol asks, confused.

“Hannie, Hansol.” Sunhee doesn’t spare him a glance, helping you up the stairs. “I didn’t know you were close.”

Hansol frowns, trying to squeeze between you two to face her. “I’m not close with her.”

“Keys?” She searches for the pocket you pointed in your bag. “Are you hungry? I can whip something up in a minute.”

You saunter into your home going straight to your bedroom. Opening your closet you grab the yellow pillow and fall on your comfortable bed. You nuzzle deeper into the pillow, mumbling his name.

“I don’t think she is calling for me.” Hansol stands at the door watching you cry into the pillow.

“Unrequited love?”

“Or an ex.”

—

The first time you have seen Jeonghan is at a party you weren’t invited to. The infamous yet rowdy party happening at one of the houses near your campus is always the talk of the town—a whisper shared between two, and then three. Next you were hoping you could at least get a glimpse of the dancing crowd and games.

Seungkwan, your almost knight in shining armour, dragged you along with him in hopes of shaking off the semester end exams. You were going back home tomorrow for the winter break, and he is staying back to work to save money.

Girls dressed in the shortest possible skirts, and moderately covering their assets you realized how outdated you are living. The long skirt you are donning is a hazard from the number of times you tripped, and almost dragged a stranger along with you to the floor if not for the wall.

Meandering the long halls, and along the locked rooms, you rest against the railing of the veranda. In spite of the chaoticness there was no one accompanying you, Seungkwan took a detour when he saw his crush from the statistics class. The full moon is shining in the sky, shining tranquility upon the drunk hazed people, and from the clouds eclipsing the moon your gaze falls on him.

He has neck length hair, mostly black, wavy at the ends. Bobbing his head to the chants from his group, “Yoon Jeonghan! Yoon Jeonghan!” He gestures his hand for them to chant louder, cupping his ear with a smirk. They comply, his name louder than the music blasting from a huge speaker.

A beer bottle is passed to him. He chugs its contents in a single lift, his Adam's apple moving along with his each gulp. He throws the bottle to the side, brushing his wet lips with the back of his hand. People burst out in cheers. He ducks down his hair hiding his face, shaking his head once before he flips his head back, his hair forming a perfect arc.

The clouds move away from the moon. His eyes fall on you.

—

Yoon Jeonghan is a final year student you got to know at the beginning of the spring season. Another hushed whisper among your classmates about his scandalizing break up happened at the cafeteria.

“He was drenched!” the girl beside you shrieks as slowly as she can without garnering attention from the professor but loud enough for you to hear.

“I wouldn’t have done that.” her friend chimes in. “not gonna lie he looked hot.”

“And embarrassing! Who gets dumped near a trash can with chocolate milk dripping down their face.”

“Yoon Jeonghan.”

—

Next time you hear about Yoon Jeonghan is from your best friend, Seungkwan. He is going off about his day, your daily ritual before sleep, when he comes to the part where his car has been crashed into (more like scratched but you weren’t going into details and spark another fire).

“That bastard,” Seungkwan eyes flit to you, “pardon my words but that scumbag deserves it.”

“Mmhmm.”

“He was so clearly in wrong, and he has fucking guts to say, ‘how much?’” Seungkwan’s face is as red as your pyjama pants. Should you be scared? “How much?! Where is the sorry and remorse? What happened to having decency?”

You nod. You swear you are trying your best to be empathetic to the victims of Yoon Jeonghan— the girl who got stood up in the rain, Seungkwan who got his car scratched, another girl who got dumped on the first date within ten minutes, another girl who you forgot about.

“If you can’t drive then you should stay home tending your ego.” Seungkwan rants on. And you keep nodding.

He is a menace. You know this, if you didn’t then you would be the dumbest person. But god isn’t he hot. That night still haunts your dreams, his eyes still on the back of your mind.

You hear your name. “Are you listening?”

“Of course.”

Would he kill you if you confess you are developing a crush on his enemy?

—

In a blink of an eye you were about to sit through your semester end exams. Library is bustling with drained and lifeless students, the smell of coffee lingers around you as you search for the row containing the textbook you are looking for.

“History… literature.. AH!” You step on something, losing your balance. You fall on your hands, minimising the fall trying not to scrape your knees. “Fuck.”

A male howls in pain.

“Shhh.”

Several shhs hit your face.

You sit on your bum, brushing off your scraped hands. A head peeks out of the rows of the bookshelves. His frowning eyes soften landing on you, revealing more of him. Yoon Jeonghan.

You tripped over his fucking feet.

“Who sleeps on the library floor?” You scoff, picking up your textbooks.

“Me?” He scoffs back. He crawls out of his hiding space, sitting in front of you. “Don’t you know to keep your eyes on the road?”

Now you understand why Seungkwan hates Jeonghan.

Jeonghan’s lips curl into a smile, as he clutches his ankle, “I think I hurt my ankle. What if I can’t walk?” He gasps, holding his chest.

You roll your eyes at his antics. Yet with little apprehension you near him, crawling to him, peering over his outstretched leg. You poke a finger at his ankle with a frown.

“Does it hurt?”

You look up at him meeting his silence, curling your hair behind your ear so you can see him clearly. His eyes follow your hand as you do it, lingering at the side of your face before snapping to your eyes.

“Ah, ah, it hurts.” He grins cheekily when you pinch his leg. “What? It takes time for your body to send signals to your brain.”

“I can’t believe you.” You stand up, dusting your ass off. You walk away from him, your heart clogged in your throat.

Fuck that was Yoon Jeonghan and you had a conversation with him.

“Hey,” he calls you. You turn around, hair obscuring your vision before you tuck it back, his head tilted to the side, “did we meet before?”

—

The semester came to an end. You heard about the biggest party of the year from your best friend as you are stuck at home.

Grad party of the century, and you are depressed that you missed your last chance of seeing Yoon Jeonghan.

Life works that way.

—

You aren’t sure whether to be happy as you are past the tumultuous student life or sad that you have finally become an adult.

Adulting came with responsibilities, body aches, and magic ability to fall asleep anywhere and anytime. Tiredness is your second nature at twenty two.

“I could have been sleeping but no. You fucking have to attend this fucking ridiculous reunion.” You exasperatedly throw your hands in the air.

Seungkwan feigns a hurt expression. “That hurts right here,” he pokes at his heart. “It’s been a year since we last met and here you are nagging.”

“Gah!” You march into the restaurant, throwing the door open, only on someone’s face. “Ah,” you cup your mouth with wide eyes.

Seungkwan slips past you pretending to not know you while the man you just hit is bent in half groaning in pain.

“Is that blood!?!?” You gasp again. Seungkwan is now running to the others. He is so going to die tonight for leaving you at times of crisis.

The man in the question stands up licking his thumb, “nah, that’s ketchup.”

“You!” You gasp yet again not believing your eyes.

“Yeah, me.” Jeonghan sniffles, touching his nose tenderly. “Why do you always inflict pain on me whenever we meet?”

“What pain?” You frown.

“You forgot?” He holds his left leg, “I still limp from the pain. And you forgot.” He clicks his tongue in annoyance, his eyes glimmering with mischief. “You wound me.” He later on adds touching his black nose, “literally.”

You step away from the entrance to let the customers flow in and out. Jeonghan trails behind you, limping when you look over your shoulder and walking perfectly fine when you look at him in the glass reflection ahead of you. This man—

“But from what I remember I think I stepped on your,” you flit your eyes down his pants, “didn’t I?” You lie.

His tongue pokes his cheek, interest blooming in his eyes as he watches you. “Well played.” He leads you to the boisterous table out of all, “remembering properly, didn’t you palm my—”

You hit his back with your wallet. “Fine! You win.”

He throws you a boyish grin over his shoulder, snagging two empty seats and patting one to you. You comply, accepting it and settling yourself for the long night. The fatigue from work disappears at the sight of Jeonghan’s teasing smiles and intrusive questions.

“We live ten minutes away!” He beams at the google maps displaying the route between his and your apartments. “So when are you bringing me homemade lunch?”

He props his elbow on the table, resting his chin on his palm watching you suffocate under his scrutiny. You nibble on the chicken leg, suddenly shy.

“Why would I ever do that?” You throw him a heated look.

He grins, finally having your attention on him. “Why not? Korea is known for its hospitality. Are you denying it by not bringing me food?”

This man’s audacity. A flicker in your heart. You toy the chicken between your fingers hundreds of thoughts running at a million speed. Is he insinuating what your overworking brain is thinking?

“Why don’t you bring me food? You can tend to me to,” you pick up the chicken again, taking a big bite. You are starving for fuck’s sake.

“Is this your way of roping me into your service?” He grabs a tissue, wiping your mouth as you chew. “Not only looks like a baby but is a baby.”

He flicks his eyes to yours, cunningness apparent in them. His face glows watching the pinkness spread across your cheeks.

“Should have opened the door harder,” you grumble under your breath.

Yoon Jeonghan throws his head back, laughing. And man doesn’t his laughter tickle your insides, ending with a smile on your lips too.

—

You aren’t sure how you ended up here. It’s been two months since the reunion dinner. Suddenly there are two adult sized kids bickering in the middle of your flat.

“That’s a lame movie.” Seungkwan points the TV remote at the Godzilla paused in the middle of roaring. Not a pretty sight and you are hundred percent sure those canines are gonna chase you in the dreams tonight.

Jeonghan dramatically clasps his chest, bunching his eyebrows together. “You are saying that to an animal?” He searches for his phone, “should report you to animal protection authorities. Cruel cruel human.”

Seungkwan grabs Jeonghan by the collar who just raises his eyebrow. “What are you saying?”

And cue. Another WWE fight breaks out in your home. You pick up your delicate vase and move your coffee table away from them. Picking up the discarded remote from the floor, you plop on the couch exiting the movie and playing a recently released rom-com.

Twenty minutes into the movie with you actively trying to catch the dialogues over two grown ups bickering, suddenly silence fills in. Did they finally kill each other?

Two men loom over you. You gulp, setting your feet down ready to run. Seungkwan makes a grabby hand for the remote only to be blocked by Jeonghan’s body. He rests his knee on the couch next to you, the other leg between your feet, trapping you.

You hide the remote behind you, not letting go of the chance to watch your most anticipated film. It’s Friday night, it's supposed to be your unwinding time from the week’s stress. And you haven’t tasted peace since Jeonghan started crashing in your spare bedroom regularly—despite having his own huge flat all to himself.

He is a wall taking in Seungkwan’s hits. His fingers trail down your arm with a tickling touch. His fingers grazing your waist before slipping his hand between you and the couch. Seungkwan pushes him and Jeonghan crashes into you. His chest landing on your face. Your grip loosens on the remote momentarily as you try to push him off of you.

He steals the remote from you, walking away in a second. Seungkwan berates you while you catch your breath, still feeling the softness of his shirt.

Jeonghan resumes Godzilla sitting in the middle of the couch. The smirk never leaves his lips.

—

Jeonghan is your unofficial roommate at this point. He is on your mind while grocery shopping and planning the dinners for the coming weeks. He hates greens and you can’t sit through another lecture on how we are stealing animals’ food. Ridiculous, yet you couldn’t help but nod along with his points.

After getting used to his antics’ and finding him sprawled on your couch by the time you are home from the office, it is odd to not see him some days.

You will find yourself sitting on the couch where he should have been and lay there for a few minutes wondering. Asking him will make it easier and can put your overthinking brain to rest. But there’s this meaningless fear of him finding out your crush.

He is not home today, and the TV isn’t playing in the background. It is friday and usually he is at home, waiting for you. A sigh escapes your lips as you drop the keys in the bowl and neatly line up your shoes. You pause by the couch staring at the empty couch, what is he up to?

Your shoulders snag realizing there is no movie night today. You can’t slowly find yourself resting against him, some days on his lap falling asleep as he runs his fingers across your hair. Is he on a date? Did he find someone? Is that why he is not with you now?

Sadness engulfs you, the thought alone rattling your peace. What will you do if you see him with someone else? This whatever that is between you two is doomed to begin with. Seungkwan has been relentless about his hatred for your crush, throwing warnings everytime possible.

“He is not right for you. I never saw him with the same girl.” Seungkwan’s words are an echo in your mind. “You deserve more than him.”

But you want Yoon Jeonghan. Whatever or however he is. You like him as he is.

He doesn't reciprocate the same, apparently. You never find him looking at you twice or bringing up dating or anything he usually does. You heard stories of him but not one of them playing out in reality. Does he not see you as a girl? Are you his bro?

Before you can spiral into your downfall you rush into the shower to clean yourself of the miseries.

—

One hour into a refreshing bath and re-energized version of you, you step out of the shower only to find you forgot to bring in change of clothes. Wrapping a towel around your wet body you open the bathroom door to rush into your bedroom.

Watching over your steps trying not to slip and meet the floor, your eyes are rooted on the floor. A rustle of a bag of chips falling on the ground startles you.

Yoon Jeonghan is standing across the hallway still clad in his work suit, his lips parted and gaze scanning over you slowly, lingering. You grab onto the knot holding your towel tightly, the sound of your heart too loud even to your ears. With a shriek you rush into your room slamming the door behind you.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck.” You pull your hair in frustration.

Did he see you?

Of course he did. He couldn’t move his eyes off of you.

“Ugh.” You groan into void. How to face him again?

You are prancing around your room—clothed, you learnt your lesson now. Wasting time inside so that magically the night will deepen and he falls asleep. You will go out once everything is clear to grab some food. Your stomach growls, not agreeing to the timeline.

Jeonghan knocks on your door, “come out.”

“No.” The answer is swift, surprising yourself.

“I ordered chicken and beer.”

He can’t know the cheat code to your weakness. How does he know it’s your favorite? You didn’t mention it to him. Did you?

He raps his knuckles again on the door. “Come on.”

You trace the doorknob pondering. Your stomach growls yet again. You turn the knob opening the door, Jeonghan is leaning against the door frame, his suit jacket missing and the top three buttons of his dress shirt undone.

You avoid his eyes, tucking your wet hair behind your ear. He inches towards you, lingering for a second before walking back into the living room.

The dinner passes in silence, the usual chatterbox Jeonghan is concentrating more on his chicken. You frown when he lets you pick the movie without a fight or random game. Not wanting to let go of the golden chance you choose the cheesiest chick flick to rile him up. Only for him to watch it without a comment.

In the middle of the movie, amidst the hero and heroine yelling their love for each other, Jeonghan’s hands rest over yours. When the couple on screen is kissing, he interlocks his fingers with yours.

—

“I can’t believe you!” Yoon Jeonghan is pacing around your living room. “Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

“Why are you yelling?” You shout back and shrink back into the corner of the couch receiving a glare from him.

“Why? Why?!” He marches towards you, gripping your cheeks. “You exactly know why. Don’t play dumb.”

A storm is brewing in his black eyes, but still pretty, and still lovely. This is the exact reason you did what you did. Went on a date arranged by Seungkwan.

It was okay. Your date was plain, boring. Ending the date quickly, you came home only to find a fuming Jeonghan.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You push his chest, he doesn’t budge. “Let go, Jeonghan.”

“She doesn’t know,” his voice is low, threatening. “Sneaking into my bed middle of night thinking I don’t know, and leaving before I wake up, what does that mean?”

He curls the stray strand behind your ear, “stealing looks, clothes. What is my hoodie doing in your closet, baby?”

“I’m not sure.” You fluster, gripping onto the couch, pushing yourself back into it as much as you can, away from him.

“How was he?” He pushes your chin up, “look at me.”

“Why do you care?” You snap. “You don’t even care. I am going crazy because you don’t even care—mmmph.”

He shuts you up, crashing his lips on yours. You imagined this moment countless nights, on your bed restless and desperate. He would do it slowly, sweetly just how he is with you. But you were wrong. His kisses are feral, biting and, and, so, so Jeonghan.

He bites on your lower lip, soothing the sting with his tongue. You gasp, your tongues clashing for dominance. Slowly you follow his dance, letting him lead. You are sprawled on the couch, Jeonghan hovering over you, his knee nuzzled just right between your legs.

He breaks the kiss, a wet string of saliva trailing behind his lips. The storms in his black eyes shifted into starry eyes, ethereal, luring you right into him.

“Pretty boy.” You cup his cheek. He leans into your touch, closing his eyes, inhaling big gulps of air. “Mine.”

His eyes snap open, a glimmer, possessiveness shining in them. He shifts, his knee pressing into your core. A moan spills from your lips before you can stop it, eyes fluttering shut from the bliss. He presses further extracting moan after moan.

His name, a prayer, chanting the entire night as he makes sure you know just how much he cares.

—

“Don’t panic,” Jeonghan chuckles at your panicky self, rummaging through the first aid kit. “It’s just blood.”

You slam the cotton on the coffee table, glaring at him. The smile drops off his face seeing the unshed tears. A sour taste spreads across his mouth, he doesn’t like it. He hates seeing you cry, he realized.

You weren’t a crybaby, even during the fights and silent treatment you didn’t cry. His heart softens, grasping the meaning, oh, you love him. If you asked Jeonghan later on which moment solidified his love for you, he would point out this exact moment.

You tenderly tend his bruised hands and legs, wiping your eyes with your sleeves. Once neatly bandaged you put back everything in the kit not meeting his eyes.

He calls your name. You shake your head. He sighs, pulling you onto his lap not heeding your warnings. He circles his arms around your waist, resting his face in your chest.

“Home.”

—

You wake up with a jerk, heart beating against your chest like you were running a marathon. Squeezing yourself out of the tangled blanket, you wipe the wetness off your face, eyes.

Jeonghan. You dreamt of him. It’s been so long since you have seen his smile, the dream Jeonghan was your Jeonghan, the one you fell in love with.

It’s the day after his birthday, you want, need, to check who he celebrated it with. Who took your place in his life. You trudge to the living room searching for the phone, a dull pound in your temples slowing your body. Why did you have to drink?

The phone is lying on the kitchen counter next to your bag, and you see notifications from Seungkwan. Twenty messages and three calls. You swipe off his ‘don’t do anything stupid’ messages and open your fake account.

You sit on your knees, pushing your hair away from your eyes. It would be a lie to say you aren’t scared. If he has a girl again you don’t know how you would stomach it. Your thumb shivers before clicking on his profile.

No update. No story. Or any post. You sit back on your butt staring at the dry profile. Did he finally choose to go private? Or did he figure out that bloom_234 is you?

Or what if he didn’t have any girl last night.

You click on his contact, still blocked. Should you unblock him? He doesn’t even know if you unblocked him, it’s been more than a half year. You unblock him before nerves get you. Or Seungkwan.

—

“He is still sulking,” Seungkwan’s girlfriend rolls her eyes, “you know how he is.” She says with an exasperated sigh, summing up the childish acts of her boyfriend.

It’s Sunday, and it’s been a week since you unblocked Jeonghan. He didn’t realise it just as you expected. You weren’t going to push it, or beg him this time. At least you leveled up one bit from being a pathetic loser to a loser.

Call with Seungkwan has become inevitable as he threatened to revoke your right to be one of his groomsmen. He proposed to his long time girlfriend last weekend.

“You would have known if you picked up my calls.” He berates when you pout about missing out on a precious moment.

His girlfriend who was already brighter than the sun is shining like a thousand suns combined in her. The green feeling births inside your chest and you snuff it out before it can blazes over.

“I’m so happy for you.” Your eyes prick from the overflowing emotions. “So so happy.”

You really are. Seungkwan and you have been attached to each other since high school, seen every phase, every embarrassing moment and every key event of each other’s lives. And now marriage.

They both smile endearingly at each other, Seungkwan kisses her ring clad finger before turning to you with a serious expression. Uh-oh.

“What were you doing all these months? Why are you avoiding me?”

You flip the pancake, pressing on it with spatula. “I didn’t avoid you.” You hold the phone away from your face, “I was busy getting used to a new place and settling in. Mind you of the fact I have to set up everything on my own.”

Seungkwan barks into the phone, his voice loud to your quiet apartment. “You are avoiding me now. Show me your face.”

You wince, setting the spatula down and picking up your phone. “Happy?”

“This is exactly how a guilty person looks.” He sits up from the bed, rubbing his swollen face, “spill.”

“Spill what?” You sweat, despite the cold autumn breeze flowing in through your balcony. “Ah, there’s new love blooming in my office. Cute I have to say. Didn’t confess yet, but they are on their way.

“Can you believe Hansol also tried ‘Get Love Quick’ only to be paired with a man?” You continue not giving a second for Seungkwan to budge in. If he knows you have opened the gate to Jeonghan again, he will manifest himself next to you in mere seconds. “Well, that’s that. Anyway, Sunhee is excited that they are going out this friday. She said some place but I don’t remember where it is.”

Seungkwan calls your name in a warning.

“What?” You whine, turning off the stove, leaning on the kitchen counter. “What else do you want me to do? I made new friends, I am not wallowing in self-pity, and I am not saying no to blind dates. What else do you want Boo Seungkwan? Should I write off my life now?”

“Did you talk with Yoon Jeonghan? Again?” Seungkwan discards your rant like removing a cherry from a cake.

“I didn’t!”

“Guys. Guys.” Seungkwan’s girlfriend snatches the phone from him. “You have to chill,” she chides her boyfriend. “And you,” she gets down the bed and walks out of the room, away from Seungkwan. “He is just worried about you. You literally ghosted us for months. You know how he gets.”

You hold the bridge of your nose, letting out a long exhale. “Yeah, I am sorry.” You pick your breakfast to your couch. “It’s just.. Its too much. I mean I am human, what if I did text him,” you quickly add, noticing her alarmed expression, “I didn’t. Hypothetically, I am saying. He isn’t a bad person, you know.”

“If he was so bad, why would I,” you trail off, not seeing the point in explaining yourself again and again to someone who just couldn’t get you. “Enough about me. How’s the celebrations going on? How did your family react to the engagement?”

She lets the topic change with a side glance. “They knew about it. He met my family and asked for their permission.” She huffs in disbelief, a smile on her face, “I can’t believe my family knows how to shut up. Usually, we kims are very bad at keeping secrets.”

“I had to prepone the date a week,” Seungkwan joins in, resting his chin on her shoulder, “her sister almost spilled the beans and I was pissing in pants the entire time. You had to be there to see it.”

You chuckle, taking a bite of the pancake. “I missed it all, didn’t I? I am sorry, I wasn’t there to help you with your big moment.”

“That’s okay,” Seungkwan brushes it off, his girl bobbing her head. “My big moment will be in six months, and I am gonna kill you if you miss it.”

You screech, dropping your fork to the carpet. You promise him to be there with him for planning and executing everything, letting him verbally bind you to a contract having you to be a slave for him as long as he wants if you miss even a small event.

You should’ve stopped yourself, should’ve seen the red light glaring but you concede away blind in happiness.

—

Universe is plotting against you. The series of misfortunate events should speak for itself. It started with a client imposing an urgent task, throwing you off your work schedule. Your heater at home crashed forcing you to experience a free simulation of how raw chill autumn nights work. The repairman is out of town, ranaway to marry the love of his life. Administration is on look out for a replacement. And, you had to catch the new love birds making out at the staircase.

Awkward is just another word as you currently sit at your desk avoiding your juniors. You weren’t mad per say seeing them break rules it's more of a shock, like seeing your sister make out. Sunhee has grown close to you over the days, especially after the disastrous night of her taking care of you.

“Come on,” she swivels her chair next to you, “till when are you going to run away. I am sorry!”

“What? Who?” You blink at her feigning innocence after almost reaching for the bleach to clean your eyes. “Did something happen that I should know of?”

Hansol stretches his body, walking away from you guys with his hands in pockets and whistling his way out. Sunhee grumbles under her breath, “scaredy-cat.” She turns to you, eye-to-eye. You push your chair away from her slowly, scared for your life. “You are almost 30, and you act like you haven’t seen a kiss or kissed someone.”

That hurts your pride. “What?!”

She has a teasing lilt, “but that couldn’t be true.” Her eyes shine, mimicking you, “‘Hannie, Hannie, my Hannie will like Yangsan’.”

You shove her face off of you. “Shut up. We are in the office. And I am your senior. I can easily report you—”

“Who is he?”

“I have a deadline. And you have one too.” You roll her away to her desk. “If you could go back to working I’ll be happy that I won’t need to pull another all-nighter.”

She is back at your side in a beat. “Who is he? Tell me. It’s only fair since you know all of my love story—”

“Only because you shove it in my face even when I don’t want to—”

“—I won’t stop pestering you until you go on a date.”

“Don’t you have a boyfriend? I’m flattered that you find me attractive but I like men.”

“Ha. Ha. Funny.” She folds her arms, “on a blind date. With a man. That’s the only requirement for you right?”

“Excuse me!” You are offended yet again. “My bar isn’t as low as you think. I’m one sophisticated woman.”

“This Sunday at 6. Be ready.” She rolls away humming a song.

Did you just get blackmailed into a date?

—

The restaurant is bustling. You check the message from Hansol again to confirm your date is at the expensive restaurant of Yangsan. Checking up on the details of the restaurant, you had to recheck the city and pin code to make sure it’s in the city.

People in their fifties, pepper hair and classy suits, a woman on their arm, file in and out of the wooden doors. You press the black velvet dress, smoothing down your jitters. It’s been so long since you dined in a fine restaurant. Three years to be exact.

How bad does your date want to impress you to choose this place? Can you back out now? Is it too late?

He’s waiting.

-Hansol

You groan reading the text. There’s no way out of it now. You put the phone back in your purse clicking it shut. Rounding your shoulders you get ready for the date, it’s going to be alright. You flick your hair back, pulling your dress a little higher and you climb the steps to the door. A sweet valet parker beats you in opening the door for you. Mumbling a thank you, you wait for the attendee to finish up talking with an elderly couple.

“Welcome!” The lady dressed in a red jacket and red lipstick beams at you.

With a small smile, you check the message from Hansol again. “Hey. My reservation is for table 17?”

She checks her iPad scrolling through her list before leading you through the oak tables, servers tending to customers, different scents of food hitting your nostrils, awakening your dead hunger. All the anxiety numbed you from the usual munching of your snacks, and the dread of the date now settled in your stomach. You may throw up if food hits your stomach but you may faint if you don’t eat anything in the next hour. Workings of your body never leaves you amazed.

“Here you are,” she points to the empty chair, her red lips still stretched wide in a smile.

You look up from your phone reading the sender’s name. Seungkwan. “Thank you,” you bow to the lady. Your phone vibrates in your hand, your life tilted on the axis seeing the man sitting at your table, supposed to be your date.

Yoon Jeonghan is occupying the other chair watching you with his hooded eyes, hard to read, hard to decipher his feelings. You hold the woman’s shoulder before she can leave you two. “Are you sure this is table 17?”

Her perfect grin slips, a frown dancing on her face, checking the iPad yet again. “I am sure. This is the table. Is there any problem?”

Jeonghan shifts in his chair uncomfortably. You made the mistake of meeting his eyes, the darkness in them pulled you in, his eyebrows pulled in, and a breath escaping his parted lips. You can't believe that you are again here, in the same situation as few months ago, set up with Jeonghan coincidentally. He anticipates your decision, not saying a word or asking you to join him. Should you go along with this dinner or take a turn and make a run?

Your comments, reblogs and likes are very much appreciated as they encourage me to write more! Here is the like to part 2

#jeonghan x reader #jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #seventeen #seventeen fic #svt x reader #angst #fluff #exes au #jeonghan fic #jeonghan x you

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perfectlyoongi · 2 days ago

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CO-WORKER!YOONGI who reminds you to stretch your back. when you spend a lot of time sitting in front of a computer or lost among papers, it is normal for your posture to suffer some consequences that derive from that irritating pain in your spine. so when Yoongi would walk past you and see you too wrapped up in your work to pay attention to your needs, he would gently place his hand on your back, pressing his fingertips into the fabric of your shirt, making you straighten up automatically. neither of you knew how this habit came about, but you didn't care; for small seconds, for that tiny fraction of time that seemed to last forever, Yoongi touched you and that was enough for both of you. “i need the photocopies right away, don't forget. and please, straighten your back. you're going to turn into a banana before we even finish the project.”

CO-WORKER!YOONGI who always asks if you need anything. Yoongi was focused on his work, wasting hours between papers and meetings, but one thing about Yoongi was that he would never forget your needs. yes, your needs. even though Yoongi was an advocate of stopping for a second to breathe, the truth is that his focus was on you and not him; as such, between meetings and presentations, outings and photocopies, Yoongi made a point of passing by your desk and asking, very absentmindedly, if he could help you with anything. “i'll get some coffee before i go to the meeting. want anything? you need to eat. an apple isn't enough for breakfast. i'll get you a sandwich.”

CO-WORKER!YOONGI who always tries to lighten your workload. Yoongi knew that life could be intense and often hectic. and he also knew that a person was not made to spend hours locked in an office working on something that most likely wasn't even necessary. that's why Yoongi wanted to help you; if he had the time and the will, why shouldn't he help you? whenever he could, Yoongi would stop by your side, giving you tips and suggestions, stealing some paperwork and reports, trying to do everything he could to make sure you reached the end of the day less tired. “i've already finished today's presentation and i saw that you were a little confused. no, it's not a problem at all. tell me, what's stressing you out? i can help.”

CO-WORKER!YOONGI who has lunch with you whenever he can. you had to confess that on the days when he was busier and couldn't eat with you, you felt a little sadder. even though your lunches were sometimes steeped in silence, there was extreme comfort between you. like a blanket of acceptance, your lunches with Yoongi were perfect for you to recharge your batteries and gain strength for the rest of the day. sometimes talking about life, sometimes joking about work, you felt good next to Yoongi and he saw that. so, he always tried to have lunch with you, take some time out of his day to dedicate himself completely to you and make you happy, even if it was just for a simple hour. “tomorrow i don't know if i can have lunch with you, but i'll try anyway. if i can't, i promise i'll make it up to you the next day! but hey, don't wait for me tomorrow, okay?”

CO-WORKER!YOONGI who makes a point of praising you. “you did it!” was what he told you that day. “you actually managed to finish the project on time. how can you expect me not to praise you? despite everything, you didn't give up.” his smile was so wide it made you shy and his eyes had a shine almost as bright as the stars themselves — he was truly proud of you. “you are amazing and i don't think you've seen it yet. but trust me. you are capable of anything and you just proved it.”

CO-WORKER!YOONGI who always waits for you at the end of the day. whether you had to work overtime or leave early, you knew you could always count on Yoongi's company. sometimes you would return to your house at sunset, talking about childhood memories and remembering times when you hadn't met yet. other times, under the stars and protected from the freezing wind in his car, you passed traffic lights and road signs singing, grateful to have reached the end of another day. for a few brief minutes, which for you would be eternal, you shared Yoongi's company once more before the day ended and it was in that comfort and ease that you truly rested. “it's raining tomorrow, so i thought we'd walk today. we could stop by the bakery and grab a coffee before heading home. i heard they got a new cake and… sorry, i'm rambling, aren't i?”

CO-WORKER!YOONGI who thinks he's telling you something new, but you've always known. how was it possible for you not to know? it was in the way he looked at you — like you were painted by the most beautiful nebulas. It was in the way he spoke to you — as if all the poems resided in his voice. it was in the way he touched you — as if his very touch could ruin you. it was in the way Yoongi lived day after day — as if you were the only reason for his existence. how was it possible for you not to know that he liked you? “i thought it was more discreet. but i have to admit that it makes sense. it is impossible to live each day with so much love inside me and not have a way to express it. from somewhere, i had to spill these loving waters that make up the ocean of passion that i have for you.”

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fairestwriting · 2 days ago

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Ruggie, Jade, and Sebek with a Reader that's reeeeeeeeally interested in how beastmen, mer folk, and faes work! Constantly asking them questions, following them around, working up the courage to ask whether they could touch their more non-human parts...

𐙚 Ruggie Bucchi

He’s a little bit flustered, honestly. Ruggie has never really gotten treated like he’s so… unique? He can’t quite word it at first. It’s just that hyena beastmen are so common back home, and then he went to NRC, where beastmen in general aren’t rare either. He’s answered a curious human friend’s question here and there, yeah, but they’re usually not… that excited over any small answer.

Soon enough, he starts to have fun with it, not taking it too seriously. ”What, are you surprised I don’t eat raw meat for lunch?” He’ll ask you when he catches you watching him during lunchtime, smirking. Ruggie thinks your fascination is funny. He wonders what kind of place you might come from, he’s really never seen someone be so surprised over a hyena beastman like him. He’ll need to ask you about it sometime.

Freezes up a little if you ask to touch his ears or tail. On a second thought, he should’ve seen that coming, considering how fascinated he seems to be to you… but it still surprises him anyway. Do you even know how that could sound, depending on the context? He just assumes you don’t.

Ruggie will let you touch his ears, though. He just doesn’t see a reason to make it a big deal, you might be an oddball, sure, but you don’t seem like you have any bad intentions. “…You’re lucky I’m so nice, y’know. Some guys wouldn’t take that too well.” He tells you through a slightly awkward chuckle. His ears get twitchy under your touch, and he subconsciously leans into it, just a little bit. You’re definitely an interesting person yourself, that’s for sure…

𐙚 Jade Leech

Feels a sort of endeared amusement similar to Ruggie’s, but without the surprise element. He’s heard his fair share of questions, despite his difference in species presenting less overtly than your typical beastman… Partially just because Floyd used to bite people last year, though. But if you didn’t hear about that already, there’s no need for him to tell you.

When you ask him questions, he’ll answer very clearly, coming off quite friendly. Your directness is a change of pace that he welcomes. Plus he can’t help but find it funny that this look of awe never quite leaves your eyes, even when he thinks his answer might not be that interesting.

…But if you come up to him and mention some kind of rumor or myth you heard about merfolk, he *is* going to play into it. Especially if it’s the scary sort. ”Well, merfolk are very diverse. I couldn’t tell you for sure if we grow to this size because it made it easier to hunt humans in the past…” He tells you, barely concealing the chuckle that it gets from him when you go all wide-eyed again.

Jade isn’t surprised you’re curious about the texture of his fins or tail. He shrugs at your request to touch them, smiling widely. ”Perhaps. We’d have to find a way to get you underwater, though…” Is his official answer, which is actually entirely joke-free. He’s not going to take it as if you’re implying anything, there’s no way you’d know it even had implications— If you did do your own research, though, that’s another story…

𐙚 Sebek Zigvolt

Oh, everyone knows how much Sebek loves to talk about being half fae… Well, everyone but you, it seems. It’s like a dream come true to him. And a nightmare to his peers that are a little more sensitive to sound.

At first, though, he definitely doesn’t seem like he’s going to be that much of an open book. He’s giving you a stern looking frown as you point at his ears and mutter your first question. ”What sort of question is that? Even the most clueless humans know fae tend to have differently shaped ears.” He near scoffs.

But that doesn’t really put a dent in your curiosity, even though you apologize if you were rude. The exact second that you tell him you have not, in fact, ever seen a fae in your life and were just curious about the topic, that initial icyness fully melts away. Oh, so you’re not that sort of ignorant human, you’re different— Sebek thinks, and then it’s like he’s sharing some of the wonder you feel.

He quickly proclaims that he’ll teach you all about the rich history of fae, all the incredible abilities they can have— What’s that? You want to touch his ears? You want to know just how different his body temperature is? Sebek’s got you, of course he does. Touch usually kind of flusters him, but he’s already decided to be your teacher about all things fae. And if you want to learn even more than he’s teaching, to him that just means he’s doing a great job.

if you like my work you can support me by commissioning me or tipping me on ko-fi ── ᵎᵎ ✦

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #ruggie bucchi #jade leech #sebek zigvolt #ruggie bucchi x reader #jade leech x reader #sebek zigvolt x reader #twst imagines #twst headcanons #lis writing

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bunnis-monsters · 3 days ago

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NSFW

warnings: teasing, breeding kink, lingerie

A/N: Introducing a new oc of mine, Kuro Ume. He’s connected to Momo’s dark past… also Momo stickers are now available in my kofi shop!!

“You’re the one who lost the bet, Kuro Ume,” you said with a huff, watching as he grumbled while removing his suit jacket.

“I barely even remember making that bet in the first place. You’re depraved, you know that?”

This made you laugh, and his cheeks reddened even further at your response.

“Oh hush, I’m the only one that’s going to see. Now put it on, I’m tired of waiting.”

The dark haired bunny hybrid stared at the items of clothing laying on the bed. A cow print bikini, a pair of cow ears and horns, and a tail were placed neatly in front of him.

“This is demeaning. Why would you ever suggest this in the first place?”

“Well, why did you agree to it?”

“Because I thought there was no way Momo would get that girl’s number-!”

Kuro groaned, his bunny ears twitching in annoyance as he slipped his pants off. He definitely remembered the previous night.

He was a couple drinks in when you sauntered up, sitting beside him at the bar. As per usual, his heart began to race the second your eyes met his.

“Hey, Kuro. Been a long day, huh?”

Truly, the day had been horrible. After taking out two hybrid traffickers, he had a run in with a rival mafia gang and had to escape before he could clean up the mess.

Now, he was covered in a few bruises, his right arm bandaged. “Yeah, long, you could say that again.”

Kuro downed another shot of whiskey, the pain he had been feeling slowly numbing with each new shot. You reached out and gave his uninjured hand a squeeze.

“You should really slow down. If you don’t, you’re going to make yourself sick.”

He huffed. “You’re not my mom, (Name). Quit smothering me.”

Despite being quite intelligent, Kuro was also stubborn and often rude, even if he didn’t mean to be. He regretted his words the second he noticed you recoil, your eyes closing as you took in a shaky breath.

“I just worry about you.”

He stared into the amber colored liquid before setting his glass down. “You don’t need to, I’m fine.”

Both of you knew that wasn’t true.

You looked around the bar, trying to find something to talk about besides the elephant in the room. “Is that… Momo?”

The two of you spotted him chatting up a girl, nearly tripping when he leaned against the wall and lost his footing.

“Ah, trying to flirt again,” you said with a laugh, taking a sip of your drink. “Wanna bet on if he’ll get her number or not?”

Kuro smiled, leaning his elbow against the bar. “Sure, I’ll take you up on that.”

And now, he was paying the consequences of that spur of the moment decision.

“This doesn’t cover anything!”

You covered your mouth to quiet your giggles as his muffled voice came through the bathroom door. “That’s kind of the whole point, Kuro. I want to see what you’ve got going on~”

“Oh, so that’s your real intentions, huh? I wouldn’t have pegged you for a pervert, (Name).”

He peeked his head out, a frown on his face when he noticed your excited expression. “This gets you off, really?”

“Just a little. Now come out so I can see you already!”

With a huff, he walked out into the opening. His lean, scarred frame was on display, and you could already see the bulge in his cow print panties. His cotton tail wagged, giving away his true feelings on the matter.

“Excited already?” you mused, stepping forward so you could get a better look. “Pose for me, I’m getting some pictures.

“I can’t help it, you- h-hey, don’t take so many pictures!”

He tried to cover himself, but you pushed his hands out of the way. “Oh stop it, you know I won’t show anyone.”

“I know…” he murmured, pouting at you. “Doesn’t change the fact I didn’t want you of all people to see me like this.”

Once you had enough pictures, you pressed your chest against his, smiling up at him. “Why’s that?”

The bunny hybrid huffed. “I’m sure you know why by now. Isn’t it obvious I’m head over heels for you? Everyone can tell, except you.”

This news made your heart rate spike, and you found yourself unable to breathe for a moment.

“I…”

Your cheeks heated up, and Kuro let out a deep sigh. “It’s hard, you know? Being in love is something I wanted to avoid. You… make things difficult for me.”

It was hard to take him seriously when he was standing in front of you with his hard on barely being contained by the small cow print panties.

“Kuro…”

You cupped his bulge, fondling it while you pouted up at him. His cheeks flushed red and he let out a strangled moan. “Did you think I’d go easy on you just because I love you?”

“Th… that wasn’t the point but-“

He yelped when you pushed him onto the bed, straddling him before rubbing your clothed cunt against his bulge. You played with the strings of his top, your bottom lip poked out in a pout.

“Come on, you love me, don’t you? Breed me and make me a mama.”

That activated his bunny hybrid instincts, his hands instantly bringing your hips down to properly grind against him. “You’re playing with fire… mmm…”

He buried his face into your neck, taking a wiff of you before marking you with his own scent. “You want to mate? Fuck, I’ve wanted to mark you for ages…”

His tail swished behind him, smacking the bed as he lifted your skirt. Kuro felt his cheeks turn red the decks he laid his eyes on your bare pussy.

“It’s like you planned for this…” he murmured, rubbing at your wet slit. “No panties, and you’re already this wet…”

You gave him a sheepish smile, biting your lip when his fingers pumped in and out of you. “I was hoping this would go well, that’s all.”

Precum soaked the front of the cow print panties, and you could see he was panting every time you grinded against him.

“I want you…”

Kuro gripped your hips tightly, but not enough to hurt. His thumb rubbed over the soft fat, almost tenderly. “So much that it hurts… I know that right now we can’t be mates, and honestly that hurts even more. I… just can’t put you in danger like that.”

He laid you down, his bunny ears flicking as he hovered over you. “Don’t cry… I do love you, and tonight I’m going to show it.”

You hadn’t realized you had been crying. He wiped a stray tear from your cheek, licking it from his thumb. Kuro had a troubled past, and was still running away from it. He knew that right now, he couldn’t be a proper mate to a wonderful woman like you.

If anything were to happen to you because his past came back to haunt him, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself.

“I love you too, Kuro… maybe one day…”

His lips moved across your neck, leaving hickeys and love bites. “Don’t think, just feel.”

Kuro pulled his bottoms down just enough for his cock to spring forward. He rubbed against you, groaning against your lips as he tangled his tongue with yours in a lustful dance.

“Fuck, princess…”

Just the scent of your arousal was enough to have his cock twitching with need, Kuro was ready to be inside of you already, to breed you like a proper mate would.

He pushed in, his fingers leaving bruises on your hips as he pulled you closer. You were unbelievably tight, milking his cock already. He came inside almost instantly, but fucked you through his firts orgasm.

“K-Kuro!” you babbled out, pleasured tears falling down your cheeks. He leaned forward to kiss them away, his fluffy bunny ears brushing against you.

“Take it, princess. So good, fuck you feel so good!”

You looked down, watching as his cock moved in and out of you, his balls slapping against your ass. He was completely entranced by you, and by your third orgasm you were a blubbering mess.

Kuro pulled out, staring at your pussy with hazy eyes before moving down to taste you. The taste of your fluids mixed together was like heaven, and he licked his own cum out of your dripping pussy.

“You’re doing so good for me, princess. Such a good girl,” he murmured, looking up at you with pussy drunk eyes.

You came on his tongue, feeling worn out. Kuro sensed you were tired, and laid down with you.

“I have to leave in the morning,” he murmured, lifting your leg so he could fuck into you softly. You whimpered, but relaxed as he carefully played with your clit. “I won’t be back in town for a while.”

“Don’t… want you to go…” you murmured, rubbing your sleepy eyes. “I’ll miss you.”

Kuro’s movements slowed until his cock rested inside of you, kept warm in your cunt. “I’ll miss you too, princess. I have to go, though. It’s for your own safety.”

You could barely keep your eyes open, glancing back at him. “… you’ll come back?”

He was quiet for a moment, rubbing your thigh tenderly. “…”

His bunny ears lowered slightly, and he pulled you so close he could feel your heartbeat against his chest.

“I hope so.”

——————

NSFW TAGLIST: @avalordream @bazpire @im-eating-rn @anglingforlevels @kinshenewa @pasteldaze @yoongiigolden @peachesdabunny @leiselotte @misswonderfrojustice @dij-ology @i8kaeya @lollboogurl @h3110-dar1in9 @keikokashi @aliceattheart @mssmil3y @namjoons-t1ddies @izarosf1833 @healanette @lem-hhn @spufflepuff @honey-crypt @karljra @zyettemoon1800 @exodiam @vexillum-moeru @imperfectlyperfectprincess1 @enchantedsylveon @mysticranger575 @readeryn68 @danielle143 @kittenlover614 @filthybunny420 @annavittoria-mm @makimamybelovedwife @blubearxy @omglovelylaila @toocollectionchaos-universe-blog @fruk-you-usuk-fans @hammerhead96-blog @slightlyusedfloormat @bubblez-blop @sunshineangel-reads @heroneki-neko @soapybabyboop @anonymouskiwi @flamefoxx @sandramalikstyles-blog @breathingstarlight

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orellazalonia · 18 hours ago

Text

Just a Kiss

Summary: In the quiet moments between missions, Bucky Barnes finds clever (and sometimes painful) excuses to spend time with you, the medic who keeps him patched up and grounded. What starts as playful flirting during routine injury treatment quickly evolves into genuine connection. (Flirty!Bucky Barnes x reader)

Word Count: 2.5k+

A/N: Here’s the flirty version for Bucky. I might make a part 2 for this later. Happy reading!!!

Main Masterlist

You’d been working with the Avengers’ medical team for about six months, which meant six months of dealing with superheroes and supersoldiers who thought their healing factors made them invincible and their pain tolerance meant they could skip post-mission checkups. You weren’t sure if you were more annoyed or amused by it most days.

Today, you were definitely annoyed.

“Sit. Down,” You snapped, pointing firmly at the cot in the med bay.

Bucky Barnes raised his hands in surrender, a cocky little grin tugging at the corner of his mouth as he limped toward the table. A streak of dried blood ran from his temple down to his jaw, and his left sleeve was shredded, revealing deep lacerations along his shoulder.

“I am sitting,” He said smoothly as he eased himself onto the cot, letting out a grunt of pain that he tried to cover up with a smirk. “See? Perfect patient.”

You grabbed your supplies with practiced precision, already predicting the flirt that was about to come next. He never failed to throw one in usually right after a mission, bloodied but smug, acting like patching him up was the highlight of your day.

“I’m not in the mood, Barnes,” You muttered, pulling on gloves.

“‘Barnes’? Oof,” He said, placing a hand on his chest like you’d wounded him. “That hurts more than the knife wound in my side.”

You didn’t rise to the bait. Instead, you cleaned the area around his shoulder with a bit more pressure than necessary, eliciting a hiss from him.

“Easy, doll,” He said through gritted teeth. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to punish me.”

“If I wanted to punish you,” You muttered, “I’d let the wound fester.”

He laughed, actually laughed like this was some kind of game between you two. And maybe it was. Bucky had a way of flirting that always sat right on the edge of sincerity, and it was hard to tell when he was joking and when he meant it. But today, with the sweat on his brow and that tiny wince he tried to hide every time he moved, you weren’t playing.

You applied pressure to one of the deeper cuts and his breath hitched.

“Hurts?”

“Not if you kiss it better,” He said without missing a beat.

You stopped, eyes narrowing at him. “You want me to kiss your bullet wound?”

“Technically it was a knife this time,” He said, flashing that signature smirk. “But hey, I’m not picky. You could start with the temple. Work your way down.”

You leaned in slightly, close enough that he went quiet. You saw his grin faltering for a second as you met his eyes.

“You’re bleeding all over my floor,” You said flatly.

He blinked, then chuckled. “Damn. Almost had you.”

You rolled your eyes and went back to work. “You’re ridiculous.”

“But charming.”

“No.”

“Admit it, doc. You missed me while I was gone.”

“I missed clean cots and peace and quiet,” You shot back.

He sighed dramatically, laying his head back against the pillow with a boyish grin. “Someday you’re gonna crack. You’re gonna smile at one of my lines. And I swear, when that happens, I’m gonna make you really regret playing hard to get.”

You paused, glanced at him sideways, then smirked, just a little. Not enough for him to fully catch it. But his eyes narrowed like he almost did.

“Need stitches,” You said, and reached for the needle.

“Be gentle with me,” He whispered, feigning fear.

You arched a brow, holding up the needle in one gloved hand. “You want gentle? You went to the wrong doctor.”

Bucky winced as you threaded the needle through his skin with precision honed by months of stitching up idiots just like him. Though none of the others flirted their way through the pain like this one did.

He grit his teeth but didn’t cry out. You watched the muscle in his jaw flex, the faint shimmer of sweat clinging to his temple. It wasn’t that he was stoic. It was that he wanted you to notice how much he could take. Every reaction was calculated.

“You can squeeze something if it helps,” You offered, only a little sarcastic.

“Oh?” His lips curved up lazily, eyes still half-lidded. “Offering your hand, sweetheart?”

You didn’t dignify that with a response. You pulled the stitch taut.

“Shit-“ He hissed, muscles tensing.

“Still want that kiss?”

“Yeah,” He grunted, head falling back. “But now I think I’ve earned it.”

You snorted. “You think surviving your own recklessness deserves a reward?”

He opened one eye and locked it with yours. “If it gets me a kiss from you? I’d take a bullet to the thigh next time.”

“That can be arranged,” You said dryly, tying off the stitch. “There. You’re done.”

Bucky let out a long breath, closing his eyes again. “You’re good at this.”

“Stitching up charming idiots? Yeah. I’ve had practice.”

“You wound me, doc.”

“I could,” You replied, holding up the needle again. “Want a matching set on the other shoulder?”

He chuckled, finally sitting up with some effort. His bare torso was scabbed and bruised, but still maddeningly sculpted. He winced but didn’t complain, and you handed him a bottle of water without thinking.

He took it, his fingers brushing yours. It was such a light touch, but it felt deliberate. Of course it did. Everything Bucky did was just barely crossing the line.

“Thanks,” He said softly. He held your gaze a beat longer than normal. “You know, if you really wanted me to stop flirting, you’d tell me to.”

You blinked. “I have told you.”

He tilted his head. “Nah. You’ve pretended to tell me. But you haven’t told me to stop.”

You opened your mouth to argue, but nothing came out. He had that smug look again, like he’d caught you in a trap you didn’t know you were walking into.

So you did what you always did with Bucky Barnes. You deflected.

“You need to rest,” You said, stepping back and peeling off your gloves. “You lost more blood than you think. You’ve got a room down the hall. Don’t faint in the hallway again. I’m not dragging you this time.”

“Can I get a personal escort?” He asked, standing slowly, favoring his right side.

You crossed your arms. “What, in case you trip?”

“No,” He said, moving closer now. His voice dropped just enough to feel different. “In case I get lonely.”

You looked up at him. Close. Too close. You could smell leather, sweat, and blood. But under all that, there was something warm. Familiar. Bucky Barnes, for all his teasing, had eyes that sometimes gave too much away.

You said nothing.

He tilted his head, just a little. “Still not gonna kiss it better?”

Your lips curved up—subtle. Quick. Then you reached up with a hand, brushed your fingers carefully against his stitched shoulder. He sucked in a sharp breath, but not from pain.

And then—soft, brief, and maddeningly light—you kissed just beside the fresh stitches. Your lips barely grazed bruised skin. His breath caught.

“There,” you murmured. “That better?”

When you pulled back, his grin was gone. Not replaced by pain—but something heavier. Something far more dangerous.

“…Yeah,” he said quietly. “But now I want a hell of a lot more than that.”

You turned your back before you could say something stupid.

“Go lie down, Barnes.”

He didn’t argue this time. But as he left the room, you could feel his eyes still on you.

Watching. Waiting. Plotting.

And you knew the next mission he came back from? He’d make damn sure he needed stitches again.

You were halfway through restocking medical supplies in the quiet lull between missions when you heard the soft, telltale creak of boots on the tile floor behind you. You didn’t need to look up to know who it was.

“Let me guess,” You said without turning. “A paper cut that needs an X-ray? A stubbed toe that requires emergency attention?”

There was a beat of silence. Then:

“…I might’ve twisted my wrist.”

You finally turned. Bucky stood in the doorway, holding his left wrist dramatically. He had started a habit of coming in with minor injuries, especially during the slow days. Though, you noticed right away that his wrist wasn’t even red. His jacket was off, sleeves rolled up, dog tags faintly glinting under his shirt. He looked good. Too good for someone who claimed to be injured.

You raised an eyebrow. “Must’ve twisted it very carefully. No swelling. No bruising. No signs of trauma. Truly, you’re an enigma, Barnes.”

“I like to keep you on your toes, doc,” He said, striding in and hopping up to sit on the exam table like it was a barstool. “Maybe you’re just not looking close enough.”

You stepped between his knees with a practiced sigh, pretending to examine his wrist. You tilted it gently, watching his face.

“Any pain here?”

“Only when you’re not looking at me like that.”

You didn’t blush. You didn’t give him the satisfaction. But you did hold his gaze a beat longer than usual and that was enough to make his flirty grin soften into something quieter.

“You’re bored, aren’t you?” You asked. “That’s what this is.”

“I’m not bored,” He said. “I just… realized it’s been a few days since we talked. Figured if I showed up with a ‘sprain,’ you’d make time.”

You stared at him. “You do know there are easier ways to ask someone to lunch, right?”

His eyebrows rose slightly. “Are you saying you’d say yes if I did?”

“…Maybe,” You said, very carefully, turning back to the cabinet.

“So if I walked in here and just asked you to coffee like a normal person instead of pretending I fell off a stairmaster…”

“I’d probably check if you were having a stroke,” You deadpanned.

He laughed, low and warm. “Okay, that’s fair.”

You looked over your shoulder, catching his expression. He looked… relaxed. Less like a soldier, more like someone trying to learn how to be someone again. That vulnerable thread always tugged something in your chest.

“Lunch,” He said suddenly. “Not as a fake patient. Just… lunch. You, me, somewhere that isn’t filled with needles and bandages.”

You turned slowly. He was watching you, really watching you, and for once, there was no smirk, no wink, no joke at the ready. Just a question in his eyes, and hope buried somewhere underneath.

You walked over, took his ‘injured’ wrist gently in your hand again.

“I’ll allow it,” You said.

“Yeah?”

“But if you fake another injury for attention, I will make you help me disinfect the entire med bay.”

He grinned. “Totally worth it.”

“Lunch break is in twenty minutes,” You added, dropping his wrist and turning back to your supplies.

He slid off the table behind you, lingering just long enough to lean in close and murmur in your ear:

“Guess I better go change into something you’ll wanna stare at.”

And with that, he was gone, leaving you alone with a smirk threatening to curl onto your face.

Bucky showed up exactly twenty minutes later, as promised.

Only now, he’d traded his tactical gear for a dark grey Henley that fit just snug enough across his shoulders to look very intentional, sleeves pushed up over his forearms, metal arm gleaming faintly under the lights. He smelled faintly of aftershave, like he’d gone back to his room just to freshen up. His hair was damp at the ends.

You didn’t call him out for it. But he caught the flicker of your smile before you turned to grab your bag.

“Nice shirt,” You said lightly, not looking at him.

“Oh, this old thing?” He asked, stretching his arms in a way that was absolutely for show. “Had to match the occasion.”

“Which is?”

“Our first date.”

You froze mid-step. “I didn’t say yes to a date.”

“No,” He said, catching up beside you. “But you didn’t say no, either. You said lunch. I’m taking liberties.”

You shook your head, fighting the heat rising in your cheeks. “You’re unbelievable.”

“And yet, here you are. Walking next to me.”

You rolled your eyes but your steps didn’t slow.

The cafe he picked was quiet, tucked in a corner of Brooklyn, just far enough from the compound to feel like a secret. Bucky held the door open for you like he was born in another century which, to be fair, he kind of was and you slipped past him with a mumbled thanks.

He ordered a coffee, black, and a piece of banana bread. You got something warm, something that made him tilt his head and smile like he was memorizing the sound of your voice when you said the name of it.

“You’ve been here before?” You asked as you both sat across from each other.

“Once,” He said. “Alone.”

“Romantic.”

He grinned. “Wasn’t then. Is now.”

You sipped your drink to hide your smile. “You always this smooth, or do you just save it for medical professionals?”

“Only the ones who patch me up and kiss my shoulder,” He said, gaze sharp and warm all at once. “That kind of thing leaves a mark, you know.”

You rolled your eyes. “It was a pity kiss. You were whining.”

“You kissed me, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since,” He said, low. Serious. “Wasn’t pity.”

That shut you up for a moment. Not because it scared you but because you could tell he meant it. Bucky could flirt all day, crack jokes, charm his way out of most things but when he dropped the act, when he let it slip just enough to show real interest, it was disarming.

You stirred your drink slowly. “You do this a lot?”

“What?”

“Charm people who stitch you up. Take them to lunch. Blur the lines.”

He leaned forward slightly. “No. Just you.”

Your heart gave a little lurch at that. Stupid, really. But there it was.

“And if I told you,” You said softly, “that this doesn’t change anything at work? That I’ll still yell at you the next time you walk in with a cracked rib and a dumb excuse?”

“I’d believe you,” He said. “And I’d still show up.”

“Why?”

He smiled again, smaller this time. A little unsure. A little too honest.

“Because it’s been a long time since I wanted to show up for someone,” He said. “And you’re… easy to want.”

For a long, quiet second, you just looked at him. Let yourself see him. Not just the smug, flirty soldier but the man beneath it. The one who still flinched when doors slammed too hard, who sometimes sat too quietly for too long, who showed up in your clinic with excuses just to stay close.

You reached across the table, nudging your fingers into his without fully holding his hand. Testing. Letting him feel it.

His eyes flicked down to the touch, then up to yours.

And he smiled like someone who’d just won a war he hadn’t known he was fighting.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #marvel fic #marvel x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky x you

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demie90s · 2 days ago

Text

Sideline Star

꒰ 🍒 ꒱ Juju Watkins X READER ꒰ 🍒 ꒱

MASTERLIST MORE

⭑ pairing: Juju Watkins x Reader (chaotic!UConn!fem!reader)

⭑ summary: You play for UConn, but that doesn’t stop you from showing up to the USC vs. UCLA rivalry game and acting like you’re the one suiting up. You’re repping hard for USC, screaming plays, correcting calls, and threatening to sub yourself in. You go so viral even the coaches are watching you more than the scoreboard. And yeah—Juju notices.

⭑ genre: Crackhead chaos, sideline comedy, flirtation, viral moment energy

⭑ warnings: Strong language, screaming, shameless yelling, casual obsession

⭑ word count:

I play for UConn. East Coast. Different world. But I pulled up to the USC vs. UCLA rivalry game like it was a family reunion and somebody owed me money.

Did I have any reason to be this emotionally invested? Absolutely not. Was I acting like I was on scholarship at USC and Juju was my day one? Absolutely yes.

From the moment tip-off hit, I was standing. Hoodie half-zipped, chain out, fresh kicks on. I looked like I walked in off a tunnel pregame. I didn’t even sit down at first. My best friend beside me looked calm—for five seconds.

Then the game started.

UCLA hit a layup and I leaned forward like I was about to sub in.

“Nah. Hell nah. That weak-ass help side? That’s how we starting?!”

My friend snorted. “Girl, you don’t even go here.”

“I GO WHERE JUJU GO.”

Second possession. USC hesitates at the top of the key.

I stand up.

“WHAT ARE WE DOING?! SHOOT THAT! DON’T BE SHY NOW, BABY!”

The whole row in front of me turns around.

I don’t blink.

“Y’all saw that hesitation too. Don’t lie.”

My friend grabs my sleeve. “You play for UConn.”

“And yet,” I say calmly, cupping my hands around my mouth like a coach mid-playcall, “I’m the only one coaching right now.”

By halftime I’m a menace.

I’ve called out three missed switches, fake-clapped in the direction of UCLA’s bench, and nearly fought a dude two rows down who said Juju “ain’t even like that.”

My friend whispered, “Please don’t go viral again.”

Too late. I already caught the camera in 4K.

There’s video of me standing mid-game, eyes locked in, yelling “CLEAR IT OUT JUJU—SHE CAN’T GUARD YOU!” while mid-squat trying to see around some dude’s shoulder. I hit the classic lean-and-look Spider-Man crouch like I’m trying to peek behind a wall in a video game. My friend is right next to me, doing the same, just whispering “This is unserious behavior,” while full-body blocking a mother and her toddler from seeing the court.

At one point I deadass yell, “PUT ME IN—SHIT, I’LL DO IT MYSELF!”

And the coach? Coach Gottlieb? Turns around. Makes eye contact. Mouths, “Do you want the clipboard?”

The fans are crying. The comments are worse.

| “The way she’s calling plays from the crowd 💀”

| “She play for UConn and still coaching USC?? Nah.”

| “That girl was one missed basket away from jumping the scorer’s table.”

| “I need a girl that rides for me the way she rides for Juju.”

| “FIND HER @—this energy is insane.”

Fourth quarter. Tight score. Juju gets the ball, top of the key.

My friend nudges me. “Say something reckless.”

I don’t even hesitate.

“IF YOU MISS THIS, I’M UNFOLLOWING.”

Juju side-eyes the crowd.

And hits the three.

I scream.

Full-body scream. The type that comes from the chest. I’m grabbing my friend’s hoodie, jumping, almost toppling over the seat in front of me. I got the whole section clapping. People I don’t even know are fist-bumping me.

I swear on everything, Juju looked straight at me on her way back down the court.

That tiny smirk?

That was for me.

⸻

We’re walking out post-game, still high off the win, and I get the notification.

Instagram DM.

From: @jujubball

UConn?

You sure you’re not on our bench?

I reply with a selfie of me holding up a USC foam finger.

Not yet.

⸻

You can hear my friend yelling from across the room:

“Girl, get drafted already and LEAVE WITH HER.”

And maybe I will.

#juju x reader #juju imagine #juju watkins x y/n #juju watkins x oc #juju watkins x reader #usc x reader #usc imagine #wbb x oc #wbb imagine #wbb x reader #wbb usc #wnba x oc #wnba x reader #wnba imagine #wnba fanfic #Gxg #you are gay

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butterflybuckethat · 18 hours ago

Text

Operation: Seduction

Summary: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Fem!Reader (8k words) - Jake is your older brother's best friend. So when he lets you live with him to get out of your childhood home, you're dying for him to see you as more than the 'kid sister.'

Warnings: This actually ended up being kind of filthy! mdni!

Note: Somehow, this took me three weeks to write. I think I'm happy with it but it took a few rounds of edits so who even knows. I hope you like it <3

🦋 Masterlist 🦋

You and Jake had been living together, in relative domestic bliss, for nearly eight months when you decided that you needed to bring him to his knees.

When you moved in, you hadn’t seen him since his flight school graduation. Your older brother Aaron insisted you all go to support Jake, not that your parents put up much of a fight–growing up, he’d been at your place more than he’d been at his own. He was relatively the same, if not broader, tanner, and more sure of himself if that was at all possible.

You had always had a familiar relationship and fell back into that pattern relatively quickly when you moved in, desperate to leave Texas. It may have been possible that you had the teeniest crush on Jake when you were teenagers (what sixteen year old, wouldn’t? Handsome, kind, athletic Jake who ate your waffles and bought you ice cream to make up for it.) So, one evening, when you were wrestling for the remote–he wanted to watch the taped Cowboys game, and you wanted literally anything else–you casually said, “What if I flash you? Then can we watch Love Island?”

It was a joke, mostly. And it had become a secret pastime of yours to try to make the cocky aviator blush. So far, you had only succeeded once: when he threw you over his shoulder when you tried to walk into the second Sephora that day. But you were wearing a mini dress and you shrieked that you weren’t wearing anything underneath. He dropped you so fast, his cheeks a bright red that only subsided after minutes of your cackling and a peek at your bike shorts.

He was laying on the couch and you were on top of him, teasing him with your fingers around the hem of your shirt. You were expecting him to roll his eyes or push you off like he had hundreds of times before, so it surprised you when he scoffed out a “Please.”

You sat up in his lap, arms crossed, “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know.” Jake brought his large hands up to your hips to steady you but you slapped them away.

“Yes, you do.”

“I don’t know,” he repeated slightly exasperated. “In my mind you still have headgear.”

“I never had headgear.” You frowned and got off his lap, no longer interested in being in his proximity. He was messing with you. Intellectually, you knew he was messing with you but you couldn’t stop yourself from reacting.

“Didn’t you?” That evil glint that you knew so well resurfaced in his green eyes.

“No!”

“But you get my point.” He only spread out further, taking up the space you were once in.

You were standing, sleep shorts scrunched in your fists. This was so ridiculous but you were angry, angrier than you had ever been at Jake’s jabs. And his amusement only made it worse. “Just fucking say it,” you spat.

“Say what?” he asked, folding his arms behind his head.

“Say it, Jake.”

He heaved a sigh, like this conversation was an inconvenience. “I don’t find you attractive.”

And you decided, right then, that you would break him.

–

“So, what’s the plan again?” Natasha asked. The two of you and Bob were sitting at her dining room table surrounded by Chinese takeout. You were closest to them of the rest of the Dagger Squad and when you asked to convene an emergency meeting, Nat immediately offered her place.

“To make him beg for me,” you said simply. They were well aware of your borderline antagonistic relationship with Jake and had given up on trying to understand it a while back. She even said that it “explained a lot about him.”

It hadn’t always been this way. In school, when your brother and Jake were thick as thieves, before Aaron got himself a wife, baby, and medical degree, Jake was nearly reverent of you and your family. He would help with dishes and offer to go grocery shopping, and even dropped you off at soccer practice a few times. But as the two of you got closer through your regular correspondence during his deployment and his time staying at your house when he was on leave, the relationship became more…playful. It didn’t really matter that no one else understood it, because you and he did.

“No, I got that part,” Natasha said. “ I just don’t understand how we get there.”

“Be sexy,” Bob said with this awkward grimace on his face. “I assume.” It took you a little longer to get close to Bob but after weeks of snapping back at Jake for him, you eventually wore him down. He was the one that was able to get you a job with one of the civilian contractors on base.

You were honestly so grateful for, really, the entire Dagger Squad who had taken you in as one of their own when you had spent so long feeling trapped and alone at your parents’ place.

“He already said he didn’t find you attractive,” Nat said. “Which is crazy by the way.”

“Thank you,” you said, mouth full of egg roll.

“So what are you going to do? Single White Female all his exes?”

Your eyes blew wide. “Natasha, you’re a fucking genius!”

“I’m on it,” Bob said, already starting his research and ignoring Nat violently shaking her head.

Jake had had very few actual girlfriends, maybe five altogether but that’s all you needed.

Candace

Candace was Jake’s most recent girlfriend and the only woman to make it onto his instagram grid (besides you). You had only interacted with her once in the first week you lived with him until she unceremoniously disappeared from his life, but the picture was still up. She was in a strappy red bikini sitting on Jake’s lap. Bob found the exact one online and you were now wearing it underneath your clothes for the team beach day. It was flattering, if a little annoying to put on—it’s structural integrity completely dependent on a series of bows you tied that morning.

“You still mad at me, baby?” Jake smirked, dropping himself into the beach chair next to yours. He was still panting from touch football, his golden abs glistening with salt water and sweat but you weren’t paying any mind to that.

“Of course, baby.” You batted your eyelashes. “Why would I be mad?”

“Maybe because I–”

“Just hold that thought,” you interrupted him, turning your whole attention to Javy who wanted someone to go into the water with him. You readily agreed and stood, casually angling your body to face Jake and took off your shirt. You worked slowly and turned away to give him the most advantageous view of you shimmying out of your shorts. If you weren’t so set on revenge, you might have felt embarrassed but when you looked at him, in all your bikinied glory, you absolutely relished in his eyes scanning your body.

“What were you saying, Jakey?” you asked as innocently as possible and left him a stuttering mess.

You stood in the surf, wanting to remain as elegant as possible to emulate Candace and avoid a drowned rat look. Javy, bless him, eased in also, talking animatedly about the John Wick movies that you admitted you had never seen. “We should do a movie night,” he said resolutely. He peeked behind him at the rest of the group, but did a quick double take. “Incoming,” he warned.

You barely had enough time to turn around when Jake hauled you in a fireman carry, bringing you deeper into the ocean.

“Jake!” you wailed. “What the hell? Put me down!”

“And swim alone?” he asked but it came out breathless, as he tried to keep you contained despite your squirming.

“You’re an adult, aren’t you? Maybe act like one.” You were panicking a bit. It had taken you an hour to get your hair into the perfect breezy but sexy updo and the water would totally ruin it.

“You first,” he said and dropped you.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, hanging out with your friends and drinking spiked seltzers. That is until you left completely dehydrated and with the most awkward sunburn of your life.

You hissed as Jake helped you out of his truck, your tender skin sticking to the leather seats.

“I know.” He frowned, leading you into your shared apartment. “I think I have aloe in one of these drawers.” He immediately began rummaging, first in the junk drawer and then in the bathroom cabinets. You followed him, carefully removing Jake’s oversized shirt that he leant you.

“I think I just need a cold shower.”

“Just let me do this first.” He spoke softly, squeezing a glob of gel on his fingers and delicately rubbed it on you. “Isn’t this usually why you wear a rashguard?”

“I just wanted to try something different.” You held the bikini top to your chest, letting him pop the knots at your shoulders so he could gain better access. The fabric gave immediately, falling limp at your fingers.

“Is it because of what I said?” he asked. You were facing away from him now and couldn’t see his expression. But his cool fingers across your back felt heavenly and you couldn't help but close your eyes.

“No.”

“Why is it so important to you?” Jake spoke barely above a whisper.

You whipped your head around to look at him now and flinched from the pain of it. Your eyes narrowed, “It’s not.”

“Does baby have a crush on me?” You saw challenge in his eyes and if anyone was going to rise to it, it would be you.

“And if I did?” Your tone was firm, not giving away a single thing. You squared your shoulders and tightened your jaw, portraying confidence despite being half naked and bright red.

Jake’s eyebrows raised. He took your face in his hand and inspected it. Your breath caught at his close proximity. After what felt to you like a minute but was probably no more than a few seconds, he released you. “Stop fucking with me,” he mumbled, smirk firmly in place.

Athena

According to Bob, Jake and Athena dated for two months and the only reason they knew it lasted that long was because of the lingerie she left hanging in his bathroom. When it was gone, they knew, so was she.

Your Saturday morning was spent with Natasha in Victoria’s Secret (Bob, understandably, passed on this excursion). Your burn had faded but your relationship with Jake hadn’t healed similarly. You weren’t sure if he’d intentionally been giving you the cold shoulder or if he’d just been having a busy work week but regardless, you hadn’t seen him more than ten minutes.

“Are you sure you want to keep doing this?” Natasha asked after you had explained your last interaction with him. “I mean, it seems intense.” She held up ruffled pink boy shorts eliciting a laugh from you.

“It’s always intense,” you shrugged. “It’s kind of our thing.” You started digging through a drawer for the matching black lace thong to the bra you already had.

Nat made a face. “That looks so itchy.”

“I don’t exactly have to wear it.” You flashed her a devious smile before moving to the next one.

“Did anything ever happen between you two?”

“Are you kidding? Aaron would never have let that happen.” Much to your teenage annoyance, your brother was very protective of you. The only boyfriends you had in high school were secret, sneaking kisses underneath the bleachers or in your room before he got back from football practice. You remembered one afternoon in the tenth grade when Aaron and Jake came home early and caught a boy sneaking out your window. Jake held you back, stroking your hair as tears streamed down your face, while your brother chased him down the street. No one got near you after that. Even after they graduated.

“Jake did come back to take me to prom,” you said. “He got special dispensation and everything.”

“That was sweet of him. Maybe–”

You shut that down immediately. “It was practically punishment for scaring off anyone else who would’ve taken me.” Unfortunately for you, Jake left a lasting legacy.

“I need to see those pictures.”

“You definitely don’t.” You laughed and poked her in the side.

Before Jake got home from the gym you washed your new lingerie in the sink and hung it on the shower rod to dry. Despite Natasha’s reservations, you were feeling giddy. You kept your bedroom door ajar, waiting with bated breath to hear the familiar jingle of his keys in the hall.

You snuck a peek at him, taking in his disheveled hair and rippling back muscles as he stripped walking into the bathroom. Jake had always been gorgeous, even when you were kids all the mothers would coo over him. The boy could get anything he wanted with a smile and a “ma’am.” It was infuriating but you couldn’t say you didn’t understand it.

When he got out, you were bundled up in a blanket on the couch. He ran a towel through his hair and you watched his deft fingers push each button through its respective hole up his fly and followed the line up his happy trail to his face, looking straight at you. You were certain you blushed.

“Hey.” He cleared the gravel from his throat before continuing, “Are you going out tonight?”

“Just to the Hard Deck with y’all,” you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth. “If that’s okay.”

“Can you be ready in twenty?”

When Jake ducked into his room, you tip-toed over to the counter, swiped his car keys into the sleeve of your sweatshirt to keep them from making noise and set them down in the bathroom. It was steamy and smelled like his body wash. You noticed your lingerie set had been carefully moved to the counter and you were nearly giddy. You brought them with you into your room to get ready.

You took a deep breath outside the double doors of the Hard Deck. Jake went in but you took a beat to smooth your hair and apply lip gloss. You wore a white summer dress with little pink rosettes all over it and a high slit up the thigh. It was the perfect night for it with a fantastic breeze, if only you could keep it together. You tried to wear the lingerie beneath it but Nat was right, it was not comfortable.

You shouldn’t have been this nervous, you were walking into a bar that you had walked into a million times before, but the look Jake gave you after he retrieved his keys from the bathroom kept replaying in your mind. Judging by his sharp intake of breath, the way he jerked his hand back like you burned when he led you out the front door, he must have noticed the empty space next to the sink.

You forced your shoulders back, fixed your face into the confident girl you were and pushed the doors open with a bang.

The bar seemed to stand still, all eyes on you, as you paused in the entry for the moment, feigning that you were searching for your people (you knew exactly where the Dagger Squad was, in the same spot they always were) while you let the wind blow through your dress to flash a little leg.

Penny called you over and handed you a beer, “Don’t you look gorgeous!”

Before you could rebuff, the man next to you leaning against the bar interrupted: “That you do.” He introduced himself as naval officer Danny. He wasn’t bad looking by any means with his big biceps and flashy smile, but he couldn’t hold a candle to Jake.

You giggled as he twirled you to show off the dress. “What other tricks you got?” he asked with a raise of his brow.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” You winked at him. It felt great; clearly this had potential.

“I think we’d all like to know.” Jake was here to break up your party.

“Christ, Hangman. Why do you always ruin a good thing?” You couldn’t even see Danny with Jake standing between you two. You knew Jake meant this little intrusion as a bucket of ice water, but it had the exact opposite effect. You were practically thrumming.

“Fuck off, Danny.” Jake asked Penny to put your drink on his tab before dragging you away by the wrist.

“Bye, Danny.” You couldn’t resist waving at him because it meant more of Jake’s hands on you. He wrapped his arm around your waist, tight like you might escape.

“Bye, sweetheart.” Danny gave you a lascivious smile.

You laughed at the scowl on Jake’s face. You, reluctantly, escaped his grip and turned to face him. “Aw Jakey, you can twirl me too.” You wrapped your hair around your index finger. “If you want to.”

He pulled you back so close to him. “Maybe later,” he sneered but you ignored it.

“I’ll hold you to it,” you said and sauntered over to your friends.

You and Jake certainly had your soft moments too. He cooked you dinner more nights than not and always asked about your work day and you did the same, keeping him company in the kitchen and making sure that he had everything he needed. You knew everything about each other and enjoyed being around one another–even when one of you was being annoying as hell.

You weren’t very good at pool, but that didn’t matter when you leaned over the table, letting Jake get an eyeful. He beat you, easily, but not without a few unforced errors. You caught him a few times staring hard at your dress, as if he was trying to see through it.

“Lost your edge, Bagman?” Natasha joked.

“What could I have lost when I won?” You liked Jake when he was so sure of himself, it's what made him so fun to mess with, to flap the unflappable man.

“Your dignity.” You smiled sweetly.

“I have it on good authority that I never had any.”

You squeezed into the booth between Bradley and Jake. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this dressed up,” Rooster said between sips of beer.

“I just thought it was time to get out of my work clothes.”

“And thank god for it!” Reuben called from across the table.

You flipped him off, only making him laugh harder. You enjoyed the easy banter between the Dagger Squad, the companionship and in-jokes. You had never really experienced that before, being a part of a tight knit group, and you loved it.

After the third brush of Jake’s knuckles on your bare thigh, you thought you would give him an opening. “You coming on to me, baby?” You kept your voice low so only he would hear.

“Why?” he asked, smirk blooming on his face, giving you exactly what you wanted. “You want me to, baby?”

“Can’t a girl just want a little male attention?”

“Not when she’s you.”

You recoiled, ready to fire back but you didn't want to argue with him in public. You fought every instinct in you and decided to extricate yourself, “Let me out.”

“Where are you going?” Jake asked, not moving an inch. He was infuriating.

You schooled your features, being careful not to betray how upset you actually were, and said, “I want another drink.” When he still didn’t move, you got up on your knees and straddled his hips. It was your intention to quickly maneuver over him but he stopped you before you could get out on his other side, his hands automatically moving to your hips.

“I could get it for you,” he said, thumb caressing your hip bone through the thin material of your dress.

You hated the way heat pooled at your core and how your eyes flicked to his lips. You leaned forward even closer, taking the opportunity to ruin his night, nearly pressing your chest to his, “What the fuck are you doing, Seresin?”

His hands couldn’t have left you faster; Aaron calls him that, Mav calls him that, not you. And you left him before the shock wore off.

You made a beeline to the bar, asked Penny for a shot of tequila, and downed it ignoring her concerned look.

“Hangman let you down, honey?” Danny asked, still in his exact spot.

“Something like that,” you mumbled.

“I promise, one night with me and you’ll be wondering what his name was again.” He reached out to grab you but you were too quick.

“Fuck off, Danny.” You tried keeping your voice light but your head was swimming and you really just needed some air. But Danny followed you. He was clearly drunk, swaying a bit as he stood.

“Don’t be cute,” he said. You kept walking but he grabbed your wrist, “You can’t wear a dress like that and not expect a man to–”

It happened in an instant. Danny on the ground and Jake looming over him with a swollen fist.

“Sorry, Penny.” Jake looked almost sheepish before turning to you. He touched your face and inspected your wrist. “Are you okay?”

You could only nod.

Penny gave him a towel full of ice and ushered you both into a back room, letting Javy get Danny in a cab.

You watched Jake, he didn’t betray that his hand hurt but you knew it did. “Sorry,” you said. “I was on one tonight.”

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Those are usually more fun for me.” He passed you his scotch to sip. “It’s fine, he deserved it.”

You fell into a comfortable silence, sharing Jake’s drink, until he opened his mouth to speak. Then, he shut it.

“What?” you asked but he just shook his head. “Are you shy?” You were teasing but, for perhaps the first time in his life, he actually did look shy.

It took him a second but he finally asked, “Why did you dress up tonight?” Once the words were out, his nerves disappeared like you had imagined them. A total blip.

“I wanted you to think I was pretty,” you said honestly.

He blushed and it felt like a win, even if he responded with a quip. “Is it my birthday?”

Cassandra

The only time Jake accidentally sent you an email that was meant for your brother was about Cassandra. Endless paragraphs waxing poetic about the nightgowns she wore; thin and silky and revealing…

Javy’s John Wick movie night was taking place at his studio apartment. It took some wearing down but he eventually agreed to making it a sleepover and everyone was going to be there. You even borrowed Jake’s sleeping bag.

Bradley brought what could only be described as a fuck ton of beer and Mickey dumped out a duffel bag full of boxes of candy and microwaveable popcorn on the coffee table.

“Where’s your sleeping bag?” Reuben asked him.

“You have it,” Mickey said.

“No—“

“Yeah, when we were at Walmart. It was in the shopping cart and I was holding the candy and I asked you…” He trailed off, the crease between his brow only getting deeper.

“No, you didn’t.” Reuben’s arms were crossed but his expression betrayed his sadistic glee.

“Fuck! Javy?”

“Yeah, we can share my bed.” He rolled his eyes. This was the first team event Javy had ever hosted and you had a feeling it would be the last.

Before the first movie started, you and Nat squeezed together into Javy’s tiny bathroom to change into your PJs.

“Show me,” Natasha nearly giggled as you reached for yours. It was an ivory silk nightgown that stopped barely at mid-thigh and a little pair of matching bloomers. The fabric was thin but opaque so you didn’t feel totally exposed. “He’s going to lose his mind,” she said.

You and Nat settled into the spaces on either side of Jake on the couch and Javy pressed play on the movie. You did miss Jake’s double-take when you came out in the nightgown—and neither did Nat who gave you a wink.

Honestly, it may have been the quietest the group had ever been. You were the only one who hadn’t seen it and yet they were all rapt. Even Jake’s focus was completely captured, the only time he looked away was when you reached over him to grab a handful from Natasha’s popcorn bowl.

Reuben fell asleep first. 11:30, right on the dot. That was his schedule and he was notorious for sticking to it. The rest of you got into your sleeping bags shortly after, unable to concentrate on anything but his snoring.

You tried getting comfortable but it just wasn’t happening. You had no choice but to lie there and watch Bradley scroll through his phone in the next sleeping bag over.

“Any progress?” He whispered.

“Some,” you said, inching closer to him.

“He’s stronger than I thought. I for sure would’ve cracked by now.” He looked at you, smiling face illuminated by the glow of his screen. “I mean, who sleeps in that?”

You punched his shoulder. “Shut up.”

Bradley chuckled but stopped quickly when Jake got up to get water. He urged you to go with him, practically unzipping your sleeping bag.

“Alright!” You rolled your eyes.

The kitchen wasn’t much more than a wall of cabinets and appliances and a tiny island. The corner of Jake’s mouth lifted when he saw you. “You hungry?” He asked, head in the fridge. “Javy’s got celery.”

“Anything else in there?”

“Nope,” he said and closed the door, enveloping you back in darkness. He handed you his glass of water and you took a few sips before handing it back. This wasn’t unlike what the two of you did when you were at your own apartment except it usually devolved into the both of you passing out on the couch to the sound of the Food Network.

“Where’s Guy Fieri when you need him?”

“Tell me about it,” Jake mumbled as he refilled his glass. He walked you back to your spot on the floor. “Is this new?” He asked, rubbing the material between his fingers.

“Kind of,” you said, glad for the darkness.

There was a long beat of silence. You were waiting for him to say something about the emails or Cassandra. But he didn’t.

“It looks good on you,” he said and headed quickly back to his own spot on the floor.

Warmth bloomed in your chest, encouraged by the compliment, and you didn’t want him to leave just yet. “Hey, Jake,” you called. “Do you want to go to that diner in the morning?”

“Absolutely,” he said and took a few steps toward you. “I would kill for those blueberry panca—“

But he didn’t see Bradley stick out his foot and he tripped, his full glass of water landing all over you.

You gasped. The fabric clung to your skin, cooling you down to freezing.

Jake swore. He apologized profusely and ushered you into the bathroom. “Maybe Coyote has a hair dryer.”

He flicked on the light and began rummaging under the sink. You were totally blinded, your eyes weren’t able to adjust to the sudden change in light with any speed.

You heard Jake stop before you saw it. When your vision came into focus, he was staring up at you slack-jawed. The nightgown had gone completely sheer. He could see everything.

“Jake!” You shrieked, wrapping your arms around yourself. This was too much, even for you.

“Sorry! Sorry!” He ran out of the bathroom and came back with his hoodie, offering it to you.

“Well, turn around!” Once his back was turned, you stripped off the wet top. It landed on the tiled floor with a smack. You languished in Jake’s hoodie, it was warm and soft and smelled like him. Next thing you knew, he had taken off his sweatpants and was helping you step into them. He crouched down, only in a t-shirt and briefs and pulled the drawstring tight around your waist, tying it into a neat bow.

“We can go home,” he said, his expression holding nothing but concern.

“I’m good,” you promised and scurried back to your spot next to Bradley, at a complete loss for what just happened. You were breathing heavily despite not having exerted yourself.

“How’s that for progress?” He whispered.

“You’re such a fucking douche.” But every time you closed your eyes, there was Jake with an unmistakable hunger in his.

Kennedy McMaster

Kennedy was the only of Jake’s girlfriends you knew personally. She was your next door neighbor, head cheerleader, and his longest high school relationship. He took her to his prom. Your strongest memories of her were her glaring at you when he drove her home after their dates and the cloying scent of her pink sugar perfume that lingered on all his clothes.

You were determined not to let your last encounter deter you. It was shocking and something you were not at all prepared for but it, ultimately, served your mission. Now you knew with near certainty that he was attracted to you, he just needed a little push to admit it.

Your boss was out of the country this week so you were working from home and Jake’s truck was in the shop the last few days so you’d been driving and picking him up in your old Jetta without temperature control to make up for Maverick’s disappointment at seeing his bruised knuckles.

“Don’t you think these women are exes for a reason?” Nat asked under the spray of the shower. You and she often FaceTimed when she was alone in the women’s locker room. She was one of the bravest people you knew, but even she was better safe than sorry.

“I mean, yeah. But he was dating them for a reason too.” You were squeezing yourself into an aesthetic that could only be described as “yummy mummy”--it was the closest thing to wearing a cheerleader uniform as an adult. You wore leggings, a matching little zip up jacket, and a brightly colored sports bra. “The goal is for him to think I’m attractive, not for him to fall in love with me.”

“You sure?” Nat asked but you didn’t hear her, distracted by an incoming text.

~ Bob: I can’t believe you made me do this but it’s done

You squealed–you tasked Bob with spraying your perfume into Jake’s flight suit while Mickey and Reuben ran interference.

“He fucking did it?” Natasha laughed incredulously. “I for sure thought he would chicken out.”

“And we still would have respected him for it.”

“As if.”

You laughed but even to your own ears it sounded nervous.

By the end of the week, Jake was so looking forward to getting his truck back and you were ready to go back to wearing sweats, even though you were enjoying Mickey’s comments every time he saw you in the tight athleisure: “I wouldn’t even mind driving a minivan if it came with you.”

When you’d arrived on base to pick Jake up, you’d been informed that he was being held back for extra drills. Mav, not wanting you to die of heat stroke in your shitbox car, had invited you to enjoy the A/C inside. It was a particularly hot day and, even without the jacket, a sheen of sweat had developed on your body.

You sighed when the light breeze coming through the hangar hit you but the scene you walked into made you want to go back to your sweltering car. Maverick stood above a panting Jake, having just finished doing push-ups.

“Again, Seresin,” Maverick said. “You’re distracted. Making stupid maneuvers.”

By the dark green stains on Jake’s flight suit, you could tell he’d been doing them for a while. But he kept his expression neutral, taking his lashings.

“How many times do I have to say it?” Maverick’s arms were crossed. “You’re not alone out there.” Jake faltered a little. “Keep going,” Mav urged.

The rest of the Dagger Squad fell in line beside you, watching.

“I think you took it too far,” Javy said. You blushed, not realizing that he knew.

“Dude.” Reuben hit his arm.

Javy waved him off. “If you didn’t want me to know, you shouldn’t have fucking told me.” He turned back to you, eyes soft but firm. “It’s too much. You’re everywhere. He can’t concentrate. He’s making dumb mistakes and…” He trailed off, clearly trying of the right words. “That comes with a high cost in this line of work.”

You were fighting back tears, not wanting them to feel like they had to comfort you when you were the one who fucked up. “I’m so sorry,” you said to everyone. “I got carried away and involved you all in something that should never have happened in the first place. It was stupid and I’m sorry.” You took a deep shaky breath. “I’ll apologize to Jake too.” Just thinking about how you were going to explain all this to him made you severely nauseous.

“Don’t apologize to Hangman!” Mickey said.

“Yeah, he doesn’t need to know,” Reuben added, swinging his arm around your shoulder and giving you a squeeze. “Maybe just keep it out of work.”

You felt terrible the whole ride back to your apartment but Jake seemed happy as a clam. He asked to drive, so you let him, and he was humming along to the radio. He seemed more relaxed than he’d been in a while.

You were nearly home when he asked, “Did you think I wouldn’t recognize your perfume?”

You practically jumped out of your skin. You analyzed his face, looking for any hint at how much he knew. He wore his same smug amusement.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you said.

“I didn’t think you would,” he laughed.

“Maybe you’re having a stroke.”

“Must be.” He nodded with pretend thoughtfulness. “Why else would my flight suit, which is always in my locker unless I’m literally wearing it, smell like you?”

You looked at him, grateful he had to keep his eyes on the road. All the windows were down, the breeze whipping through his hair. Even exhausted and covered in sweat, he looked incredible. “Is it such a bad thing?” You practically squeaked that out.

“Not unless you consider thinking about you instead of my training exercise a bad thing.” He threw his hand over the back of your seat to back into the parking spot to make it easier on you in the morning and, despite the heat, you shivered. When he had successfully made it into the spot, he stayed close to you for a beat longer. “I know what you’re doing.”

“Then you know how to make it stop.” You leaned impossibly closer. It wouldn’t take much for him to kiss you. He licked his lips and couldn’t tear his eyes off yours.

Your heart thundered. This had to be it.

“I should call Aaron.” He backed away. He couldn’t even meet your gaze. “He always takes forever to respond,” he mumbled. And in an instant, you were alone in the car.

Giulia

Not wanting to rely on the team, you dug back through your emails with Jake to find information. All he wrote was that she was a flight attendant from Milan who made insane baked goods. It was a single line in a single email dropped in the middle of a long-winded anecdote about starching vs. not starching his service uniform.

You were going to bake a pie. You had prepared the night before by watching Claire Saffitz videos and calling your mother, but your last meeting ran long and you were late coming home from work. You tried being quick but the custard curdled and the crust burned and this was all so stupid, you couldn’t even remember what you were doing it all for in the first place. You would’ve sobbed but you didn’t even have enough energy for that.

You ordered a pizza and thought about changing out of the ridiculous outfit you wore to work—your knee-length pencil dress looked flight attendant-esque, especially with the twilly scarf tied around your neck. But by the time it had arrived, you ran out of time. Jake was already at the door.

He sat down beside you at the counter and dropped his head in his hands with a deep sigh.

“You want a slice, baby?” But you asked softly, without the usual teasing associated with the nickname.

And he followed suit, “More than anything, baby.” The exhaustion resurfaced his home-grown twang exactly how it sounded in all your memories. The nickname thing started after Aaron had gotten his first girlfriend. He was in the eighth grade and they would hold hands and end each sentence calling the other “baby.” Jake had only started doing it with you because he was a little jealous of losing his best friend’s attention, not that he would’ve ever admitted it. But it was everything to you, to have an inside joke with him.

He didn’t even use the plate you set out, devouring half the slice in a single bite. “You look cute,” he said, tugging on your neck scarf a little. “You're usually in sweats already when I get home.”

“I tried baking you a pie.” You couldn’t even look at him. Somehow this felt so much more vulnerable than anything you had done thus far.

“You did?” His face broke into the goofiest grin.

“I burned it.”

“What was it supposed to be?” He squeezed your shoulder.

“Lemon.”

“I love lemon.”

“I know,” you demurred. You contemplated making lemon bars but making shortbread seemed much more involved than a cookie crust. Idiot.

“Do you remember the tiramisu you made for your parents anniversary?” He laughed, throwing his head pack. “How you managed to burn a dessert you don’t bake, I have no idea.”

“I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to bake it!” You cried, a grin resurfacing on your face.

“How–”

“The recipe was vibes based.”

“Whatever that means.”

“Yeah, whatever that means.”

You smiled at one another, both of you feeling more lively.

The two of you finished the pizza before deciding to get into more comfortable clothing. You contorted yourself trying to get at the invisible zipper until you eventually gave up. You didn’t really want to ask Jake because you were done teasing and torturing him. You were done with this entire endeavor. You didn’t need him to decide you were worthy of dating as long as you got to spend time with him and, in truth, you were quite certain that you’ve been hurting yourself more than you’ve actually had an impact on him.

But the dress didn’t fit over your head and the dumb little TikTok Shop magnet contraption broke after its first use, zipping up the dress that morning. So, after a great deal of effort, you padded over to his side of the apartment and knocked softly on the door. He let you in, dressed in navy briefs and a worn t-shirt. His room was neat as a pin with no clothes on the floor and hospital corners folded in his sheets.

“Can you unzip me?” You moved your hair to expose the zipper to him, watching his reflection in the mirror leaning against the wall.

You watched him sink his teeth into his bottom lip. “I-I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Please,” you begged. “I’m stuck.” You were starting to feel claustrophobic, scenarios of wearing that dress forever clouded your mind.

You shivered when he hooked his fingers under the collar of your dress. Jake took his time dragging the zipper down, trailing his fingers down your spine.

He pushed apart the seam of your dress and splayed his hand against your skin, the tips of his fingers ducking just beneath the strap of your bra eliciting a gasp from your lips. Like a man possessed, he continued, a dark look crossing his face.

“Jake,” you moaned, as he snuck his hands around your hips, inside your dress and grazed the lacy trim of your underwear. You felt like you were on fire, every bit of you alight under his half-lidded gaze.

Jake traced the line of your jaw before tilting your chin up just the slightest bit, angling you just right to give him access to the knot of the scarf around your neck. You could have wept when he pulled his last hand out of your dress but the moment the scarf was gone, his hands were back dragging you flush to him.

“Say my name again,” he demanded, voice like gravel.

“Jake,” you moaned louder, having forgotten the ability to regulate. You were lost to the anticipation. And before you had a chance to gain any sense of composure, he drove his tongue into your pulse point.

Your whines turned breathy and knees weakened but he only held you tighter so he could continue his onslaught of nipping and sucking down your shoulder.

You arched your back, wanting to do more, feel more. And you watched him nuzzle into the line of your hair, hissing when you grazed his erection with your ass. Jake’s lips parted, flush, and you were sure he was going to say something.

His phone started to ring, and you cringed, an old picture of Jake arm in arm with your brother lighting up the screen. Jake unceremoniously removed his hands from you. “One sec,” he said and answered the fucking phone. “Yeah buddy, what’s up?”

You looked at him with shock and disdain but he was sitting at the foot of his bed. Your heart sank and you tried to step away but he latched onto the back of your dress and gently pulled you down to sit on his knee. His grip wasn’t tight, you could’ve left. But you didn’t. Instead, you sat there, uncomfortable in your freezing wet panties.

You could only hear Jake’s side of the conversation, he was hesitating and if you didn’t know him better you might have said he was nervous. “Look,” he said, “I was wondering…” He glanced at you, an expression you couldn’t read on his face. “How would you feel if I asked out your sister?”

You may have blacked out. You saw his lips move and the smile on his face but you couldn’t decipher the words, not when excitement, love, and rage were all rushing in your ears.

Jake tossed his phone, beaming, and slid his hand up your thigh. That seemed to snap you back to the moment because you stood, backing away from his touch. “What the fuck was that?”

He stayed sitting and spoke very calmly. It was infuriating. “I don’t have much in the way of family. You and your brother are everything—”

“So you have to ask him permission to fuck me?”

“Is that what we were doing?” He asked with this dopey look in his eyes. Butterflies erupted in your stomach.

“Don’t be cute,” you said, willing yourself to stay angry. “I’m not some fucking plaything—”

“But it’s fine to toy with me, right?” He stood, then. “That’s why I’ve been half-cocked in my jet all week.” He didn’t raise his voice or move closer when you took an instinctive step back, and you lost all of the moral high-ground you may have had.

Your back hit the door, you hadn’t realized you were so close to it. He followed you this time, resting his forearm above your head, fingers trailing up the back of your thigh to where your dress was nearly hiked up leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. With how close he was now, you were sure he could hear your heart thumping.

“Would you have stopped if he said no?”

“No.” Jake crashed his lips to yours. The kiss was sloppy and imbued with so much longing. It was everything you had wanted for as long as you can remember.

He pressed open-mouth kisses down the column of your throat and dragged your clothes down with him.

The dress hit the floor and he sank to his knees. “What do you want?” he asked.

“I-I don’t know.” You were completely overwhelmed, hot beneath his touch.

“You’ve been working me for months.” His smirk was salacious. “I can’t imagine you didn’t have something in mind.”

“Say it,” you demanded, regaining lucidity.

“What do you want me to say?” He laughed bitterly. “That you’re always on my mind? That you only get more beautiful every time I see you? That, every night, I think about you in that fucking nightgown?” He wiped his face, looking suddenly exhausted. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been trying not to think about you this way?”

You knelt down, slotting your legs on either side of his thigh. He brought his hands to your hips immediately, helping rock you back and forth across his hard muscle. He kissed your neck and you sighed, “I love that you do.”

“I want to watch you cum like this,” Jake mumbled.

“I’m not sure I can,” you panted, fully enjoying the friction but certain that it would not be enough to get you there until he yanked your cotton panties up, increasing the pressure on your clit.

A wave of pleasure shot through you. Jake deafened your moans with his kiss, keeping you steady as you moved your hips faster.

“Ja-ake,” you moaned, pleasure building in your core.

“Yeah, baby.” He flicked your nipple through the unlined cup of your bra and it sent you over the edge. His hands returned to your hips to help you ride out your orgasm.

You collapsed onto the carpet in a fit of giggles. This was so unbelievable. Even at the beginning, you never thought it would end this way.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said and the look of pure genuine love in his eyes took your breath away.

You pulled him down on top of you, kissing his cheeks and lacing your fingers in his hair. “Your turn?”

“Are you sure you’re up for it?” He teased, brushing the hair off your face.

“Do you have a condom?”

He reached over you to his jeans and took one out of his wallet.

“Aren’t we ambitious,” you said, already kicking off his briefs.

“And here I was, hoping you’d jump me in a supply closet.” Jake took his time removing your undergarments, taking you in as he teased your folds with his dick.

You groaned together as he pushed himself into you. “I’m not going to last that long,” Jake breathed into your skin and it only made you hotter. This man, who you’d been so taken with, was also incredibly taken by you.

You hooked your leg over his waist and he drove deeper into you. You ground your hips but he held you still to rub your clit in tiny dizzying circles.

A guttural moan erupted from your throat as you spiraled into your second orgasm. Jake kept going, rubbing and thrusting until your legs shook and the aftershocks became so intense that tears welled in your eyes. “Jake,” you cried, unable to take it anymore, and he came, nipping at your collarbone.

Once your breathing slowed and Jake disposed of the condom, he lifted you onto his bed. “Can I get you anything?” He asked with a kiss to your bare shoulder.

“Water.” He sat up to grab it and you followed.

“Darlin’, as long as I can help it, you will not be leaving my bed,” and Jake planted a long mind-numbing kiss to your already swollen lips.

As you sunk back into his pillow, watching the man you very nearly loved shirtless in the kitchen, you decided that wouldn’t be so bad.

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