#the poly issue is actually something that helped lead to the end of my only in-person relationship

[freepassbound]

11: favorite pet names?

13: would you consider being with multiple people romantically?

19: which spots are your sensitive spots?

11: Favorite pet names?

Just about any kind of affectionate diminutive will have me instantly melting. 😅🙈

But really, for maximum effectiveness, I think they should develop organically within a relationship.

13: Would you consider being with multiple people romantically?

At this point in my development, I would have to say no. I don't have any issue with it, per se - it's more that I feel I should figure out how to be with one person before thinking about ramping up the difficulty level?

19: Which spots are your sensitive spots?

Other than my brain? 🤭

The real answer is that I don't know that I have enough experience to really know?

I did find, though, that I enjoyed having my nipples played with a lot more than I would have thought. 🥴🙈

Also having my head & hair scritched or stroked makes me very pliable.

[faetaiity]

Hallo, hate to bother ya but is it okay if I request poly turtles (dark au or normal) x y/n who like physical affection but is kinda selective about affection (don’t know how to describe it, kinda like Donnie I guess).

You don’t have to, just wondering!

Two posts within a week?? wow I might actually get back to a decent schedule, hopefully. I went with Normal! bc I have so much shit for Dark AU, I just wanna appreciate my original boys, y'know? (also, I'm fucking around with how my posts look, so, sorry abt that besties :'}) I left the cause of Reader's Selective Affection/Selective Touch up to interpretation but it's mainly written for those who get overstimulated (ASD)

✩ Poly! Rise! Turtles x GN! Selectively Affectionate! Reader ✩

Post Format: Headcanons

CW/TW: angst for Leo's areas and possible hints of Mikey guilt tripping you unintentionally at the end

✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩

They actually take it pretty well once it's explained to them.

Donnie takes it the easiest, obviously, But Raph also takes it generally well, maybe not as well as Donnie but that's to be expected tbh, I can't decide who would take it the worst though, definitely Mikey or Leo, though.

Now that I think about it, Leo probably takes it worse but gets over it VERY quickly

Why?

Donnie. Donnie will actually beat his twin's ass over it, understanding how it feels to be touched when you don't want to be (even if your issues don't stem from overstimulation.)

But Mikey very rarely gets punished from it due to baby sibling privileges, it'll take him longer to respect that boundary, especially if you don't regularly enforce it with him.

Now that's not to say that he doesn't respect it, it's just, like Leo, he's a very touchy person affection-wise, his preferred choice of showing love is physical touch.

He'll end up stopping all-together until you tell him it's okay, until then? Surprise hugs from behind!

I'll get more into them now, that's just the things that came to mind immediately.

Raph respects it, he might mess up a little bit every once in a while, and he apologizes profusely once it happens

Because while he definitely respects your boundaries 1000%, his usual form of affection is physical touch, but he'll try to find other ways! It'll just take a bit :}

Donnie definitely respects it, scarily so, often avoiding even brushing against you if he can help it

As he has Overstimulation issues and hates being touched at times, he understands the feeling, often he struggles to understand if your selective touch doesn't stem from ASD/SPD (Autism Spectrum Disorder/Sensory Processing Disorder), but he treats it like it is so it's easier for him to relate to.

Leo is difficult about this, I consider Leo a boundary pusher when he doesn't understand or agree with something, for this, it's the former

He doesn't understand why you don't want him to touch you sometimes, if it goes on long enough, he might start to doubt you love him, as his insecurities kick in and overthink about it, he'll think you hate him and just can't find a way to break it to him that you don't love him as much as his brothers

His walls get wrecked and forcefully torn down during this, which is why he gets desperate for affection from you, leading to him getting his shit kicked in by Donnie, just treat him with patience and have a talk with him about it, okay? It'll make him feel a lot better

Mikey is also a Boundary pusher, but not intentionally! He's just.... super Physically affectionate..... he wants to cuddle his darling 24/7 and gets a little bummed during your No-Touch/Affection periods

He still tries to sneak in a hug or cuddle, leading to Donnie scolding him (Donnie is the only brother who calls him out on this behavior lmao), he slowly gets more and more respectful, especially if you call him out on it. He doesn't want to make you uncomfortable after all!

Unlike Leo, he doesn't get insecure about this, he knows you love him, you say it all the time! Why would you lie?

Once you get out of these moods or if this is a constant thing, warm up to the idea of being touched by them, they're ecstatic.

Raph loves cuddling and peppering you with kisses for hours and playing cutesy games like AC:NH on the switch, probably tickles you if you're okay with it.

Leo gets emotional and just clings to you, especially if his insecurities were really bad before you gave the go ahead, you're not allowed to pee or get up for ANYTHING for a couple hours lmao.

Donnie is a 50/50, mainly because if you are okay with touch again, he might be in an Overstimulated state, so sometimes you don't get to cuddle him, but when you do? He's clingy like Leo, understanding that he doesn't know when he'll get the chance to do this again.

Mikey lovebombs you, dragging you to the couch to hug and kiss, constantly complimenting you and whining about how hard it was to not hug you, because he loves you so much!!

All in all, just give them patience and communication and they'll try their best to make you comfortable

7/10, communication is key, boys, communication is key.

✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩✩

Sorry if it's bad by the end, I'm super tired lmao, but I had the motivation to write and idk when I'll get more :'}

[lilspacewolfie]

13 and 37 (meme for fic writers) please

40 Questions — Meme for Fic Writers

13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?

Write confidently, because if you don't believe what you're writing others won't either.

Don't be so hard on yourself if a story takes time. Quality over Quantity.

Remember that your writing will be for someone. Someone will love it and it will mean a lot to them. (Honestly, this one is hard to remember for myself sometimes. Moreso, given the current climate of fandom and the themes I write.)

37. Talk about your current wips.

Currently, the one I'm mainly focused on is my 'You Will Never Walk Alone' fic in which Terzo is Lucifer incarnate. I delve into my own take on some of the lore, Copia’s backstory, and how Terzo being Lucifer impacts a lot of things that took place.

We follow from Copia’s POV as the story progresses. The themes it looks at are that of human nature, as well as love, loss, grief and dealing with/healing from one’s own mental health issues. It’s all tied up alongside the relationship Copia builds with the Devil, and how his God helps him realise that he deserves so much more.

It will eventually lead to them getting together, but it’s not been easy. All I can really say without spoiling much is that so far it’s 10+ chapters and it will be explicit.

The others I have are as follows:

1. It’s A Sin: Vampire Terzo and Copia, pure indulgence. A new ex-priest arrives at the Ministry only to discover the people he serves are actually ‘monsters’.

Terzo takes this shine to this ex-priest who’s struggling with his faith and in understanding himself. Things develop from there. (I’ve only written 1 chapter a while back, but I’ve had the idea long before that.)

2. Omnia Vincit Amor: The first ever Ghost fic I started writing with my OC, and her poly relationship with both Copia and Terzo (unrelated as usual in my verses).

The premise was that Terzo knew he was going to die and basically put in a failsafe (a promise) for when that happened. Both he and my OC end up being murdered because Imperator knows something is up, she just doesn’t know what. So the safest option? Kill Terzo’s lover as well to clean up loose ends.

It has a lot of body horror imagery and how people will go to great lengths to keep power. Themes of love, death and how you can’t fuck dark forces because they WILL come back to bite you. (If I remember I wrote around 6+ chapters, but I wanted to rework the story a lot more so I took it down from ao3.)

[violettelueur]

— ITADORI YUJI + RYŌMEN SUKUNA || GENERAL RELATIONSHIP WITH TWINS ITADORI AND SUKUNA (MODERN!AU)

↳ featuring : itadori yuji + ryomen sukuna from jujutsu kaisen

↳ warnings : mention of poly relationship at the end and grammar issues

↳ form : headcanons

↳ published : 8 january

↳ pronouns : non specified in headcanon

↳ request : Love your work btw! It's always a pleasure to read~ Can I get an order of dating headcanons with dating twin!Itadori and twin!Sukuna?? Like an ModernAU where they're twins and you date either one of them (or both lol)?

↳ barista’s notes : hi there! thank you so much for loving my work and it makes me happy that you love reading them＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／ and thank you to everyone congratulating me on my university offer that i had received yesterday! lets hope i get the grades to get in ʕ ㅇ ᴥ ㅇʔ but it was fun writing this type of headcanon with the modern!au and i hope i get more request for this type of idea again! moving on from that, i hope you enjoy your cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and you’re welcome come again anytime soon ʕ•ᴥ•ʔﾉ♡

Being with Itadori romantically in a relationship is like when warm sunlight comes through your window to wake you up - it’s like a breath of fresh air.

You and Itadori are like the couple everyone wants to be. Somewhat like the popular couple at school you know.

You both match each other’s energy but, of course, you have to be the calm one sometimes to help cool down Itadori when he gets too wild.

Since you knew Sukuna was his twin, you would try to get close with him to establish a good relationship and Sukuna tolerated you - that’s because you took some of Itadori’s time and that meant he was free from him for a bit.

Over time, you and Sukuna got along and also bantered from time to time - mostly, making fun of your boyfriend because it was fun for him.

However, just because you are Itadori’s girlfriend, doesn’t mean he wouldn’t tease or flirt with you - and he does that quite a bit leading Itadori to augre with him sometimes.

But Itadori really appreciated the fact that you are trying to befriend Sukuna since he knows his twin brother is quite a hard person to approach.

I can definitely see you two shopping together for food groceries but with you sitting in the trolley as Itadori just dashes in different items in that you and him want - in the end, you came out of the store with more snacks than ingredients to actually cook a meal.

(Ever since I saw the drawing in the manga, I can’t help but imagine it) If you both met in high school, itadori would definitely be in the basketball team and he really loves the fact he gets to see you support him - he really appreciates you waiting for him after school and also providing him water after his matches.

You both love arcade dates. Going to the arcade after school is a common thing for you and Itadori because it’s a way to destress and to have fun together is something you both loved.

You guys also go to fast food places quite a bit as well (maybe after going to the arcade). Sometimes, you just go there for the drinks and sometimes you both would have like a whole meal there - there is literally no in-between.

Overall, being with Itadori means that it would be the funniest and goofiest relationship you have been in but it would also be really wholesome - and who doesn’t want to be in that type of relationship.

Sukuna in the modern universe is basically the guy that people would feel guilty for liking but can’t help it because of the ‘bad boy’ vibes he gives off - because we love the danger vibes, don’t we?

And let me admit, you probably met Sukuna through Itadori because this guy is never ever seen in school.

But if you met Sukuna during adulthood, I feel like he is the type to own a tattoo shop since he does have tattoos/markings himself (I don’t know why….I do know why) and he has no shame showing them at all.

Sukuna is quite a player but once he finds someone that he truly likes (or even loves) those player days have gone out of the window.

When you get into a relationship with Sukuna, do not be surprised when your relationship is quite a passionate one.

The second you met up with him - wherever if it’s his apartment or for a date - he would greet you with a makeout session because why not? - listen...I ain’t arguing.

I don’t think Sukuna would be the jealous type - even though there would be those times where he is - but he is quite possessive on you since deep inside, he feels like you can choose someone better than him - BUTTT HE AINT GONNA LET THAT HAPPEN HAHA...NO

Carry on with the tattoo assumption of mine, he appreciated the fact that you come into his work with his favourite takeout in your hands but will tease you for coming in.

“Do you miss me that much, kitten?” or “Oya, what a sexy customer?” 

But when you go to his tattoo studio in the back, I feel like he would draw some tattoo designs on your arm or anywhere on your body while trying to convince you to get one - sometimes it’s a customer’s tattoo request and he just wants to get a preview on what it might look like on them but he will also mention how sexy you look with one.

Your relationship with his twin brother Itadori is quite a calm one. You and him are close and really friendly with each other which annoys Sukuna quite a bit in the beginning but he really likes the fact you got along with his family.

Overall, being in a relationship with Sukuna is quite a passionate one since he is quite a touchy person but this relationship causes some people to be quite jealous since Mr Ryomen Sukuna is quite the popular dude but he really doesn’t care since he has you.

When you are in a relationship with both Itadori and Sukuna, it is extremely chaotic with both of them and you can’t convince me otherwise.

Both Itadori and Sukuna will fight over you when it was their turn to take you on a date or when it was their turn to have ‘alone time’ with you.

And of course, Sukuna will pull out the ‘I’m older than you’ card and (since twins do this a lot) Itadori will always come back that statement with “by like only 10 minutes!”

However, over time they learn how to tolerate each other when you three are all together and love having movie nights with you.

The thing is, when you three are doing a movie night together, Sukuna will always sit behind you with you between his legs and Itadori will lay down between yours with his head resting on your chest - this is because they always feel cuddly during these times.

However, just because they tolerate each other doesn’t mean they are still in competition with each other and will also debate - more like argue - on who loves you more and who you love me.

Of course, they will come up to you asking “who do you love more?” to which you just give them a weirded out look before kissing their cheeks as you say “I love you both equally idiots”.

Overall, dating both Itadori and Sukuna is a messy relationship - not in a bad way - because the twin brothers will always fight over you like you were their crush and you weren’t like dating them both - so please remind them that you love them really much with all your heart and the fight will die down….but not the competition bit.

© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

May 2021 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

It’s a cray cray Friday when Vietnam gets its eng subs up before GMMTV Thailand. What alter-reality are we in? Well, the Vietnamese offerings are better right now anyway. (Oooo, feel that burn.) 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Top Secret Together Ep 2 - pulping it up in the best possible way. Sure sound and production values are pants, and in classic Thai fashion the editing in post is exacerbating (rather than fixing) pacing issues, but it’s still CUTE AF. I don’t even mind the added university storyline, because they’ve got good chemistry (and a confident gay fresher after a panicked gay hazer is an old favorite... what can I say, SOTUS was my first love). We aren’t spending too much time with any one couple, so it’s weighted a lot better than Brothers was, but also character development is slow. 

Siew Sum Noi Ep 2 - Unfortunately, it’s just too hard to find, plus no subs. I’m dropping it in the hopes it comes back on my radar some day. 

Y-Destiny Ep 8 - (Thurs) It’s rough having a ghost boyfriend, half your friends are scared, the other half think you’re crazy, and kissing shortens your lifespan. This was a cute couple even if I wasn’t wild about the surrounding story. 

Close Friend Ep 5: (Dear My Star/JimmyTommy) - about high school penpals. It had to rely entirely on voice over work as the actors only meet face to face at the end. It’s a good thing they are appealing screen presences on their own, with good vocal control. It’s hard to imagine any other BL pair carrying this kinda plot. It’s by far my favorite of the series so far, and I’m not even a big JimmyTommy fan. 

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 7 - no subs. Do we care? Not really. Because we have... 

Nitiman Ep 3 - currently my favorite out of Thailand. It’s the university Thai BL i’ve been waiting for since... when was the last good one? My Engineer? Yowza. Anyway we got: head on my shoulder, baby is a floppy drunk (but still wants to be in control), proximity alert, boyfriend’s closet, seme gets seriously jelly, and a cute twist on feeding him. There’s something fun and complex about Jin’s character. He’s not a panicked bi. He knows exactly what’s going on, he just hasn’t decided if he wants Bb or not. He clearly enjoys being looked after, the compliments, and the attention, but he’s not sure if he’s going to like what happens if he gives in. I like that twist on the usual tsundere uke archetype a lot, cautious rather than willfully obtuse or freaked out. We can see Jin realizing in stages: I like this person, I like that they like me, I like the romantic attentiveness. But in the background is... do I actually want to f*k him? It’s a dynamic we don’t often see on BL. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 10 fin - the most ridiculous show using BLs worst tropes in a sort of weird smoothie of bitter greens and too ripe banana. The ending was the sappiest cheesiest thing ever, like cheese syrup tapped from the cheese tree. So of course I loved it, but I’m pretty sure I giggled through all the bits meant to be profound. Because, in the end, to tolerate this show at all, you just can’t take ANY of it seriously. RECOMMENDED (with some SERIOUS reservations and trigger warnings.) Full review here. 

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan) Ep 1-2 - I don’t mind a damaged seme character but this one is a bit weird for me. Like creepy Cheese in the Trap level weird. On the bright side, the story has given our tsundere uke good motivation for his angst and great existing friendships, loyalty, and likability. Plus I’m invested in the cafe owner/innocent puppy side dishes. So if it’s only the seme character I’m not jiving with, and he’s the most established actor, it should all turn out fine. I believe in you, Taiwanese BL. 

Papa & Daddy (Taiwan) Ep 6 fin - speaking of belief. This such a good show but they gave us a cliffhanger ending. Now we must hope against hope for season two. That’s never guaranteed with Taiwan tho. So, I’m docking a few points and saying, RECOMMENDED so long as you realize it’s a cliffhanger. 

Love is Science? (Taiwan) Ep 1-9 (BL subplot) - this is a good het romance, but the fact that the BL subplot is a beautifully acted disaster bi + confident gay means you’re hearing about it whether you want to or not. Plus they just added in some GL! Come on! I gotta support Taiwan normalizing queer to this extent. They are fighting the good fight and if I also have to watch a career lady and her much younger softest straight boi get it on, too? Twist my arm with that service sub subtext. Go on Taiwan, TWIST IT. It’s on Viki. Join the revolution.   * Incidentally if you actually like the D/s het dynamic of this show, I highly recommend Japanese Kimi wa Petto - career woman keeps a hot young dancer boy as a pet. Oh yes, an actual pet, that IS the pitch. Never doubt Japan when kink is on the line. It’s also on Viki. Go get your kink on, thank me later. (If it helps: That was not a request.)  

Most Peaceful Place 2 (Vietnam) Ep 2 (AKA 5) - love triangles aren’t my thing, but if you’re gonna do it short form, by all means bring in the lead’s other BL pairing so the chemistry is on point. Now I've no idea who I want him to end up with. Can’t they just be in a poly triad? 

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 7 - I’m still enjoying it a lot. It’s still unabashedly queer and the tension is ramping up. We now have secret identity, blackmail, femme fatale, faen fatale, and incoming seme confrontation. Best of all, the series is still airing, which makes it longer than any other Vietnamese BL I’ve seen (aside from Tein Bromance - which is just too weird to count). 

Gossip - Thai BL 

SEVEN PROJECT TEASERS

No one is entirely sure what Studio Wabi Sabi’s Seven Project/7Project will entail. 

It might be like Close Friend (1 episode per couple, no linking), 

or Y-Destiny (2 episodes per couple, loosely linked), 

or The En of Love (4 episodes per couple, linked but independent consecutive stories). 

They’re giving the couple’s arcs separate titles. So each one would be what? Seven Project: Once Upon a Time or the like? We’re in Taiwanese title territory people and NO ONE WANTS TO GO THERE. Anygay... 

Once Upon a Time is the BounPrem (og UWMA) anchor story, and seems to be the most dramatic and likely saddest. These two can handle most of what’s thrown at them at this juncture, so it should be good. 

Vs Love is a BoomPeak (og Make it Right) university vehicle. Since I thought Boom was done with our nonsense, I couldn’t be more thrilled and surprised this pair is doing another show together. I don’t think either of them are the greatest actors but I find Peak very endearing and Boom charismatic on screen, so I’ll watch. 

Would You be My Love is the hotly anticipated SantaEarth launch. They’re a (cultivated) IRL ship and Earth is an established BL actor. They have great chemistry and high energy so this could be lots of fun. 

We are also getting a GL from this series from established BL actresses Samantha and Pineare. Nothing teased yet on that, but I’m looking forward to this installment the most. Also curious to see how the ladies handle the branding and promo side, not to mention the culture. (Thailand variety shows gonna force *girls* to play the Pepero game?) 

Secret Crush on You upcoming Thai BL with no release date, co-produced by and featuring (but NOT staring) Saint and directed by Cheewin (sigh) with all fresh faces. (Previously known as Stalker the series.) It looks like pure pulp and I’m not wild about the plot but could be better than expected as it’s adapted from a novel. Cheewin is an okay director when he has an actual story to follow. 

Don’t Say No the series. Coming from the producers of TharnType this is the JaFirst vehicle many have been waiting for. Friends to lovers + a good boy/bad boy pairing on a sports romance foundation. It’s basketball so they tapped Meen as well (he’s semi-pro). The bad news? You get one guess as to who is writing the darn thing? Yep it’s MAME. So, ya know, expect some slam dunk kidnapping, a light dribbling of rape, and me turning into a basketcase. AKA... 

Will I have to live blog this series in order to survive it? That seems to be the only way I can. So probably. Which means the bad sports puns will continue. Look, if I’m suffering, SO ARE YOU! 

Rumors of a new YinWar vehicle The Best Story (mini series) coming in July. Also rumors that their previously announced Love Mechanics (full length series) has either been delayed, is facing money issues, or is moving studios, or all three. 

Breaking News 

DELAYED (I’m talking these three off the watch list until we get new airing dates) 

Love Area’s release was pushed out but it got a trailer. 

Golden Blood was supposed to drop Weds but comments in MDL report that it is delayed due to C19.  

Love’s Outlet (Taiwan) is supposed to have started a 50 episode run (only 3-5 min each, what utter nonsense). Sadly, this delay is due to a surge in cases in Taiwan which was doing so well, but also doesn’t have many inoculations. 

Bad Buddy has started workshopping at GMMTV actual. 

Kang Insoo’s BTS for Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding is SO FLIPPING CUTE. You have to watch it. Trust me, I don’t rec behind the scenes stuff often. 

Next Week Looks Like This: 

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[narabea06]

Hmmm, General Marble Hornets HCs? That’s a start ^^

Thank you for the request sib!

_______________________

TW: Self-hate, Su!c!de, Depressing Topics, Homophobia, Abuse, Mentioned Misogyny

Jay Merrick -

- He/they, demiboy, ace-spec gay, poly

- Has ADHD

- He has two moods: "HERE ARE ALL MY THEORIES ABOUT EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY WILL LISTEN-" or "Im so f**king tired, pls God help me-"

- Photography major

- Very bad intrusive thoughts and has a hard time with self-hate

- Theme song is Scrawny by The Wallows

- Favorite musician is unironically Bruno Mars

- He has a hard time with social interaction and tends to just people-watch or overshare

- Awkward boy-

- Totally doesn't need to therapy /s

- Plays bass guitar

- Best friends are Seth and Alex

- Has a crush on Tim and slowly fell for Brian too

- He can't get himself to hate Alex after everything

Tim Wright -

- He/him, gay man, poly

- Mommy issuessssss-

- He is actually a writer

- Knows the ukelele

- Depressed gay in a nutshell

- Very gay for Brian, even more gay for Jay

- He always covers up whenever he is sad or upset about something with just pure anger and rage as that was the only way he saw others around him doing it too. This lead to him getting in fights as a kid, getting very aggressive, and with Brian being him impulse control

- Is basically a trio with Sarah and Brian

- Animals hate him for no reason- Except Sarah's cat who only likes him and Sarah-

- "I would say the song Misery describes my life about right"

- Serious attachment issues with Jay and Brian

- Anger issuesssss-

- Theme song is 100 Bad Days by AJR

Brian Thomas -

- Any pronouns with no preference, pansexual genderfluid, poly

- The type of person who would tell you he was fine but at the same he is su!c!dal and doesn't want to tell anyone bc he doesn't see himself as a priority

- Acts super confident and loud, and is basically the dad friend

- A f**king tree compared to everyone else

- Theme song is Victorious by P!ATD

- Theater gay be like-

- Hes the only actual actor in the film-

- Used to date Sarah but the two broke up bc Sarah knew he was keeping secrets from her and that he needed help, and she felt she couldn't keep going through the relationship bc of it

- Very touchy and pretty clingy

- Had really homophobic parents that he cut contact from

- In love with Jay and Tim

- Still really close friends with Sarah and is best friends with Tim. Was pretty close with everyone tbh-

- Golden retriever man

Alex Kralie -

- He/they, demi bisexual man

- Actually the sweetest guy ever, just the Operator f**ked him up

- Kinda a nerd- /hj Specifically for Star Wars

- Overthinks things with people a little too much due to past trauma, to the point where any reaction to anything is taken out of proportion in his head. It also makes him put himself in people's shoes a lot even if the way he thinks they see things isn't actually how they see it

- Theme song is Karma by AJR

- Is dating Amy and they even have promise rings!

- He has an Operator symbol engraved on his cheek that refuses to get off

- Directing/film degree

- Blind as hell without his glasses

- Roommates with Jay, and best friends with both Jay and Sarah, and is pretty close with Seth

- Has ADD

- Loves to ramble about different things he's interested in. Seth and Amy always just sot patiently and listen. Jay often just debates with him on the ramble

- Really just trying his best

Amy Walters -

- Literally my favorite character for literally no reason-

- She/her, bisexual trans woman

- Her family is pretty rich and constantly put pressure on her, making her feel she needed to be perfect, and get the best grades, and to get a job as a nurse or something, and marry a rich man. She hated it and just ended up cutting ties with them, especially since they approve of her career choice and of Alex

- She is probably the sweetest girl you could meet, but at the same time she wouldn't hesitate in punching someone

- She has multiple hobbies, tho she doesn't enjoy most of them as much as music. The main hobbies she alternates between (she gets bored) are gardening and baking

- Amy met Alex through the band at the college they were at, Amy was the singer, Alex was the band manager. Though they both ended up leaving the band tho bc the other members were pretty misogynistic

- She is dating Alex

- Listens to Beach Bunny and Mitski

- Is working for a music career and does gigs at bars and stuff

- Theme song is Me and My Husband by Mitski

- Sweaters for daysssssss

- Kinda part of a friend quartet with Jess, Sarah, and Seth

Jessica Locke -

- She/they, lesbian woman, poly

- TALL WOMAN BC YES✨

- They are actually studying criminology and psychology to become a therapist or a crime specialist

- They grew up with pretty controlling homophobic parents , and she was actually runaway at 16, and has now cut ties completely with her family

- MOM FRIENDDDDDD ✨✨✨ Especially to Jay and Seth

- Mostly masculine style

- She wears a black knitted jacket

- She isn't actually with anyone, but she had a crush on Amy before and still kinda does

- Theme song is Someone to You

- Actually does have an adopted daughter

- Pretty book smart, but also kinda oblivious of things around her, such as Sarah's crush on her

Seth Wilson -

- He/they, unlabeled + ace-spec, trans man

- Smol man

- Kinda a energetic dumba**- He's pretty sweet tho

- His dog is a service dog, since he has her just in case he has a mental breakdown or a PTSD attack, or if he needs general moral support

- They are an orphan and ended up living with an emotionally abusive adopted household, and grew up non-verbal. He ended up getting taken by CPS when he was 15, and was given to a very welcoming and loving family who finally helped him be able to talk though the process was slow.

- He has a big crush on Sarah, who is also his best friend

- Hes also really close with Alex, Jay, Amy, and Jess

- Two moods: Very hyper dramatic boi, and very quiet shy man

- Theme song is Riptide

Sarah Reid -

- She/they, panromantic ace, demigirl

- Very annoyed, stubborn,, tired college student

- They live in a trailer with their cat Charlie

- Crazy cat lady basically-

- She has had many crushes tbh- She dated Brian for a bit, then liked Jessica for awhile, and now is kinda with Seth

- Is actually a fashion designer but considers it of a hobby instead of a job, even tho people still pay her for commissions

- Is an art major

- Listens to rap and old rock music

- Honestly has more of a vintage aesthetic sometimes

- Theme song is Bubblegum B*tch

- Anger issues- Her and Tim get along-

- Tim and Brian are pretty close with her, she's friends with Sarah and Jessica. She's best friends with Seth and Alex

- She grew up being talked down by the people around her being picked on and bullied even by the people who are supposed to help her, making her aggressive and never really wanting help

- She has a brother named Casey who she still talk to

[very-feral-lesbian]

i have gotten accidentally attached to the new gossip girl reboot. i just watched it originally out of boredom but i cant stop having thoughts swirl in my brain. and specifically, i have some thoughts on the aki x max x audrey relationship.

forewarning: this is just my opinion and it is very early on (?) in the series so take my opinion lightly. 

i am really hoping for a aki x max endgame, no poly ENDGAME or one of the boys with audrey. this is because i see potential for the relationship dynamic for aki x max.. let me explain. 

1. we often only see this opposite parallel dynamic in straight couples

aki and max are by no means complete opposites but for the sake of this explanation of the dynamic, just hear me out. think gilmore girls (jess and rory), friends (chandler and monica), OG icarly (sam and freddie) etc... i think the dynamic of max being the outspoken, irrational, animated, “bad” boy who conflicts with almost everyone in his life EXCEPT the calm-natured, level-headed, fly-under-the-radar guy would bring a life to queer male relationships that we don’t usually see. having aki be able calm max down but keep his hidden, more intimate personality thats still him, just more real. and then max being able to help aki see himself in a more confident light (we got a glimpse of this in 1x01 in the closet scene).

2. the way the show dealt with the aki x max and max x audrey situation

when we were told that audrey and max hooked up, it was TOLD not shown. in opposed to max and aki’s intimate moments, for which we have physically seen every single one of them. of course we saw the looks between max and audrey, and the hand on the knee thing but that also involved aki (actually even more so aki because audrey took max’s hand off of her thigh but aki didnt stop max at all, just let his hand sit there).

3. intimacy v sex appeal

there is something to say for sure about the fact that they have shown on-cam physical non-sexual interactions between max and aki and none between audrey and max. think: aki grabbing max’s jaw in 1x01 and the stare between them, the dress up/closet scene (closet also holding metaphorical value for aki’s sexuality), the thigh grab. even the non-physical intimacy, like aki taking a more confident and powerful position than is his norm and sticking up for max and his awful teacher relationship.

the interactions between max and audrey have been either entirely friendly or sexual, nothing intimate (especially since we didnt even see their sex scene or anything leading up to it)

4. stop looking for a chuck x blair replacement

while i love the first gossip girl, it was entirely straight, white, and completely lacking diversity. trying to take our current group of POCs and queer people and applying them to the straight, boring couples is doing a disservice to the diversity of the current characters. if you wanted to fit the characters into the molds, then blair would be monet and chuck would be max, but they definitely aren't getting together anytime soon.

random other thoughts/notes:

-having max being apart of aki’s identity relevation is super powerful, and i think touching on that would be awesome to see the show do (partially, because i still remember the girl who made me realize i was gay wayyyy back in the day, and i hold alot of happiness when i think of her and i hope aki can have that with max even if they arent endgame)

-THIS IS IMPORTANT: while having a pansexual character like max is amazing (like so amazing, pan representation is so important) and also having possibly bisexual aki is, im so scared that both of them will end up with women AND BEFORE YOU HATE ME PLEASE HEAR ME OUT!!!!!!! often show writes will think that just having their character be labeled bi or pan etc.. is enough and just check off the queer representation box and move on.. and then stick the characters in a straight relationship. i just really yearn for some representation for those who are in gay relationship to see their pan/bi/omni/queer identify still being represented.

-this is by no means saying i dont want drama or the poly relationship to happen. i dont think max is in a space for a monogamous relationship, he still wants to live his youth and sexual prowess. i just want some drama, possibly aki finding his footing in the queer community, some audrey/max drama, some audrey/aki drama, i want breakups, heartbreaks, relationships etcc... but i would love to see a pan man/bi man relationship because i feel like that relationship type, even within the queer community, is unexplored in media.

this was all too long and i apologize but i couldn't sleep without getting these thoughts out of my head (i have wayyy more about this show, especially them brushing off monet and her queerness and the issue with teen tv and queer women but thats a post for another day)

idk if anyone cares but yeah, im a gossip girl 2.0 stan and a aki/max stan.. thanks for listening and sorry for spelling/grammar errors, it 1 am.

[glowinggator]

Happy Valentines Day!

Request: Hey since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, think we can have a Rottmnt special? Like crush made them homemade chocolate and shyly gives it to them? ✨✨ pretty please! 🙏

Pairing: All, Non-Poly. (Raphael, Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, & April O’Neil.) 

Content Warnings: None! Except for swearing?? I don’t know if people still tag for swears or not </3 

Word Count: 1658

You thank the universe that nobody could hear your heartbeat, for if they could, the world would surely fall apart at the intensity of its beats. Your face burns hot, and your body shakes with each step you take. You pray to every deity you can think of that you don’t drop the chocolate you stayed up all night making. Pan after pan and recipe after recipe lead you to this moment, finally finding the perfect concoction. That’s what you tell yourself, at least. No, it is perfect! Right? Fuck, what’s the backup plan if he doesn’t like it? Should you scrap it? Should you have brought some for everyone? You’re so lost in your thought, you hardly recognize your surroundings as you step into the lair. An enthusiastic “hey!” from your friends seals your fate: there’s no turning back now. No second-guessing.

You’re gonna give it to them. 

Raphael:

He’s so excited!! Chocolate? For him? From his crush?

He actually has to ask if you’re serious first, he can’t help it. Like really? Ethereal you made him homemade chocolate? He has to be dreaming.

“Are you sure you’re not confusing me for someone else? Not that I’m saying I don’t want it! Wait hold on, this isn’t coming out right-”

Raph what other giant, anthropomorphic snapping turtles do we know???

He smiles so big when you manage to stammer out that yes, this is for him, and he cradles the package so gently too. He’s such a sweetheart.

He actually made you something too!

He puts the box down gently before going to his room to grab it.

It’s a small handmade card with a little bouquet of wildflowers! (White trillium and starflower to be exact. He thought they were really pretty.) The bouquet is tied loosely with a red ribbon, pulled gently into a bow.

He was so nervous about giving it to you, that he actually wasn’t planning to at all! He’s had everything planned for weeks, but his anxiety kept getting the better of him. But getting something from you was exactly the kind of encouragement he needed to take that final leap.

He’s so flustered when he hands it over, and the way his hands shake makes you feel a little less shy. Maybe he does feel the same way?

Two shy dorks in love <3

Leonardo:

Yoo, for real? For him? Hell yeah, thank you!

He’s really confident on the outside. Like, he’s so excited and accepting about it it’s unreal. All of your anxieties melt away, as they tend to do around him, and you can’t even remember why you were so stressed in the first place! It’s Leo, after all.

He’s dying (in a good way) on the inside though. He’s just internally screaming. Holy shit his crush is giving him chocolate? And it’s homemade? Oh my god look at that tiny white chocolate drizzle, that’s so cute!! Is that a strawberry?? MANY thoughts, head FULL, and in LOVE.

(He’s gonna hardcore brag about it to his brothers later.)

His heart is pounding out of his chest, although he doesn’t divulge that information.

He asks you out right then and there. Like!!!

He doesn’t actually say the word “date,” but god. You’re suddenly all shy again, and you can’t do anything but nod furiously.

The date is super casual, (yes its at Hueso’s. He begs him to pull out all of the stops, and he does so, even if only to shut up Leo. Actual king <3)  and it really puts you at ease. At some point he moves to hold your hand, and you can’t help the way your heart leaps into your throat. And he'd be lying if he didn’t feel the same way.

His confession is so eloquent, and yet… dorky. Sweet. Like he’s rehearsed it a million times, trying to find the best possible words to win your heart. Little did he know, he’s always had it.

Donatello:

oh no

He didn’t plan for this. Like, this was literally the one thing he didn’t plan for.

(He has confidence issues, give him a break!! How could he have known that you were going to give him something too? And give it first as well?? Which sets a precedent for the gift he gives?? Social interactions are Awful and he’s in Hell.)

He’s still pleasantly surprised though!

He kind of short-circuits for a moment, and he’s completely deadpan for at least three seconds. It’s the worst couple seconds of your life. Then he comes back to reality and thanks you super genuinely.

(It’s hard to read him at the best of times, and this is. So much. He just doesn’t know what to do with himself!!!)

He takes his time looking at every detail on the chocolates, and your anxiety dies down as you see the softest smile grace his features. It’s so genuine, and you don’t even think he knows he is smiling, so it’s really reassuring.

You take the time to really study his features, and fuck, he’s really pretty. You’re both flustered when you guys come back to reality.

He made you a gift too!! In fact, he has a whole day planned out.

It’s a long and fun day of running around the Hidden City, and at night, in New York.

It’s incredible.

He’s confident, and he says all the right things. He’s had this night planned out for weeks, and fuck if it doesn’t shine through.

At the end of the night, he gives you his gift with averted eyes. It’s a strange contrast to the pure exciting, confident persona he’s been putting on all day.

It’s handmade, and tailored to your exact interests and equipped with his own, Donatello-Style flair.

He’s confident in his tech, and he knows you like the back of his hand, but this is… completely new territory.

Valentine’s Day has never been so perfect.

Michelangelo

He did the same thing, actually!!! So this is actually so perfect for him!!

He spent all night making the perfect chocolates. Most of them are filled, and those that aren’t have some unique, artistic drizzle adorning them. If you hadn’t known better, you would have thought he got them from a fancy chocolate place.

He genuinely can’t contain his excitement when you hand him the box all shyly. His eyes light up with the brightness of a dying star going supernova.

He immediately hugs you, careful not to crush the chocolates, and then his mouth is moving at a mile a minute. It’s almost hard to keep up!! He’s just so happy and excited, and he’s running to the kitchen and he has a box too??? Hello, what’s going on??

He’s trying so hard to not just blurt out a confession here and now.

It’s completely impromptu, but he suggests going out on the town. He didn’t plan it, he was honestly just planning to stay in and watch some movies with you, but now that you’ve brought him a Valentine’s Day gift too? That means you like him too right, maybe?

If he’s gonna confess to you, it’s sure as hell not gonna be in a sewer. (Even if it is his home. It just ain’t right, man!)

It’s really fun! You feel so at home with him, and there’s no pressure at all.

Everything just seems to fall into place around him. He’s your home. Unbeknownst to you, he feels the exact same way.

He confesses by the end of the night. It’s so sweet and sincere, but there isn’t a single moment of hesitation. He’s so head over heels for you, and that love shows itself in every movement and word.

April

She’s never been given chocolates before!! She’s always looked on in envy through middle school, highschool, at work, etc. So fuck, if she’s not immediately swarmed with emotion. She’s like, two seconds away from crying. I love her so much…

It’s actually really funny, because she ordered a really nice bouquet of ivory & pink flowers from her local flower shop for you, but they hadn’t arrived yet! She’s super upfront with it, and it gets a good laugh out of both of you. The classic April O’Neil luck, ey?

It definitely lightens the mood, and she suggests going out to a local restaurant to get lunch, and then maybe go sightseeing! Or maybe just goof around in the Hidden City? No pressure!

It’s super fun! You never want the night to end, to be quite honest.

You get to choose the music while you guys drive around, and you end up picking the silliest stuff. You guys laugh and belt out the lyrics to every song.

The food at the restaurant is perfect, and everything goes off without a hitch. At some point she reaches across the table to interlock fingers with you, and you’re suddenly alight with so much love and recognition that this is an official date, and your best friend - your crush - is holding hands with you, and her hand is so soft and warm and… you’re so in love. And unbeknownst to you, she’s feeling the exact same strain of emotion.

At the end of the night she takes you to a rainy spot in the Hidden City, and you guys dance and sing in the rain.

Everything feels so natural and perfect with her. She’s your safe space, your home, your world.

You can barely stand to part at the end of the night.

When you do get back to your home, you find her gift at your front door. It’s a beautiful bouquet of white Gardenias, pink Carnations, pink Peonies, and… a white Lily. They stand perfectly in a vase, apparently left at your doorstep by the delivery driver. You place them on your kitchen counter as soon as you can, and text her immediately.

You love her with all your heart, and she’s head over heels for you, too.

[whatisgoingonpaul]

Lost boys backstorys

I made a post while ago on my ideas of the boys past but now I want to update it. I just want you to know I’m still a firm Prequel lover/follower however we don’t get much info on the boys Pre 1906, so that’s what this is for! However personally I would have had more Max so this is going to be both pre 1906 but also include relationship with Max a bit.

I am also including my personal ideas on Last names and age. However I am under the idea that they wouldn’t know/take their last name seriously if the did know it cause- ya know. Orphans. This is going to be lengthy and I’m going to pin it, not just because I want it seen but also to remind myself in fic writing (when I don’t follow these ideas in a fic it’s gonna be Marked as Au- as I’ll probably be messing around with a different past.)

I’ll be doing appearance but only physical as there’s some stylistic changes. For clothing? Honestly so thinking workers clothes/cowboy esc

Also! Their stories are all going to kinda intertwine so I’d there’s not enough info under one theirs a solid chance there’ll be more for them under someone else’s!

David Hardy-

Age(as of 1906): 19

Born: 1887

Appearance: Average height, his hair a dirty blond- near reddish and is around shoulder length. Bearded. (Think doc but with slightly updated clothing)

Backstory:

David Is the only of the boys to grow up with at least one of his parents, living with his mother until her death when he was around 7. They lived in a decent, though cramped little space in San Francisco, by the docks. His father worked on and off- a not so stable style ending in him getting involved in not doing saviory things - getting arrested. His mother worked as a washerwoman. David worked the streets awhile, as a young child now left alone, he learned to pickpocket and live off what he could manage. It was around this time he had found Marko- doing the same thing he was - though arguably less effectively do to his more sporadic nature. At around age 10 the two became extremely close and rather inseparable, Marko even looking up to him despite being the older of the pair. However david wasn’t one to living completely criminal like... he did NOT want to be his father, which lead him to not drinking , EVER. (Even as a vampire he still doesn’t do alcohol.) he poked towards more honest work, also forcing Marko into doing the same , which he wasn’t exactly thrilled about- but did anyway. Tried. David did a lot of work on the docks, odd jobs and stuff like that- but it never paid even half as good as nabbing a wallet or cheating at cards. He wouldn’t be his father- he’d be better- better then all the nobody’s. More level headed then Marko though  ambitious, big headed and still wildly child like- eventually Paul , Dwayne and Jasper joining the pair. Well now, David had himself a full on gang. Never robbery, not that far. The group pickpocketed , cheated at any sort of game or match, that sort of thing... they were still young after all. Smart enough not to go wild like some famous bandit (Though David will admit to his slight admiration of Billy the kid.). He’s a quick learner, and when he learns something- he learns it well- becomes a damn near expert. When he is good at something he is good at it. He is the leader out of the groups mutual respect towards him , quick thinker. Notable flaws: Huge ego, hopeless romantic.

Marko Connelly-

Age(as of 1906): 20

Born: 1886

Appearance: on the shorter side, golden - darker brown hair in this fluff of ringlets it’s long about just past his shoulder blades and typically tied back. Usually dirty somehow (Think Poli but with longer hair and updated clothing)

Backstory:

Born to a rich family , one of those who moved from east to west and actually did make it big. He was a pretty little thing, more a doll to his mother then particularly a child- only taken from Nanny to be dotted over or photos taken. However around the age of 3 or 4 things had tipped, scandal! Missing. That is what the newspapers said anyway he was found missing- was it that he was given away? Or stolen? He was never particularly a child to be quite or sit still or anything such as that... so who is to say? Marko doesn’t remember a lick of that either way as he was far far to young for it but he does remember being alone. This is how he had grown his attachment to birds, they always stuck around. He grew comfortable with being alone, having himself to depend on, getting good at grabbing what he needs- A mansion is stark contrast to dirty winding alleyways. He was always cursed with his looks- even filth covered at 6 he could make sad eyes and tend to swindle whatever he wanted... but he wasn’t completely quick. He’d get in trouble, his face memorable he could rarely pass the same trick again. At 11 David came across him, the two started working and living together (that is where they could find a place to sleep.) he sort of gained this complex. He felt he owed David , in some strange sense he became attached at the hip- a helper, a second- almost servant like the guy had saved his life and he is now the others. It didn’t help that at a young age, Marko had developed what was come to be understood as a deep crush- at times as teens this was reciprocated. As loyal and loving as he was to the other male he wasn’t nearly as cautious, as rule following... he had come to despise authority, to despise the fancy, the rich all of the crowd. He was never sure why. Even regular work got on his hate list... but he gave in and would try to do a normal amount pf work.. it never really worked as there was something, how he would sass, how he looked or smelled or spoke (neither him nor David really spoke ‘proper’ English - meaning no slang or accent). Around when Paul came things started to shift in the group, more mouths- more work and more thinking. Oh yea David and his thinking. Marko is a bit hostile right off the bat when it comes to people he doesn’t know, eventually he cracks and will be more loyal to you then to anyone you’d ever know. He opened up to Paul, a lot sooner then he would have thought the guy was funny and sweet - lil stupid too. David had this grand idea of a little gang, naturally Marko was all for it because illegal activity is fun- it was like a game to him. A liked stealing from pockets and playing distraction for David, as time grew he began to hate how young and gentle his face appeared to be. He LOATHED absolutely appalled the pity glances he would get, the hand outs the whole “oh you poor fragile little dear 🥺” he hated being babied and still does. He hated the stares he got on the opposite direction ... at first, it was funny, it was nice to be wanted in that sense rather then some baby. However... it grew creepy, it wasn’t women or a fella his age...it was more the gaze of older men. Marko detested it so much- he KNEW he’s seen what some of the guys... even younger then him ended up doing- he could see the occasional look in david’s eye. No he would never really consider....no. Paul was more his shoulder to cry on, someone to go to , to ramble to to speak with and just be with. The two were touchy, always leaning against eachother or grabbing their arms, laughing or sleeping or- eventually it became more then casual, it was serious. The two started ‘dating’ at some point- none of them were ever serious on titles but it was good to put a word to it.

Paul campbell-

Age (as of 1906) : 18

Born: 1888

Appearance: tall and lengthy, he has a mole on his left cheek, he has stubble/shadow opposed to a beard. He’s also usually dirty, dirty blond , long hair think Buffalo bill with volume and his hairline not receding

Backstory:

Grew up in a orphanage, hundreds of kids all stuffed together into a few rooms, often sharing beds and everything else. He was never a still child, he would always figit and move and shift - whenever he’s supposed to be quite or still like lessons or Mass he just couldn’t. This - got him most of the attention from the mistresses and overseers- much more quick to slap then to explain... he was docile , quick to flinch and try and stop. Never worked well. Once you get to 7-8ish you work if not adopted by a decent age. Sweeping, factory work he tried it all. He was particularly desensitized to violence at a extremely young age while working in a textile factory- he’s seen a kids arm come clean off. Terror turns to fascination eventually. At some point he’d stopped returning at night finding David and Marko at 15, he started hanging with them- it was safer in numbers that sort of thing- Paul could read a bit , David could write a bit- the three worked it out together. always so distracted- the others learned right off the bat he wasn’t built for pick pocketing no matter how hard he begged about it. Instead he’d do real jobs- sweeping , fighting, placing crooked bets that sort of thing. He always complains. A massive softie since he was young, Paul can’t quite handle being on his own- he’s used to having at least one other person around him at all times causing him to get quite hooked onto the other boys. He hovers around the same places. He is also a fan of dancing- Paul- is music obsessed the moment he heard the first noise of any sort of music he was hooked. He is one about fun- being restrained from it for so long as a child- always to sit out and watch or to think about whatever he did.. oh. Dancing, drinking, drugs, clubs, all of it is his kind of deal- he would drag the others with him when they had a bit of extra cash to deal with. Dwayne and his brother, when they joined on he was instantly accepting, unlike Marko he didn’t have the deep seeded trust issues, he was immediately touchy and happy to share a joke or a comment no matter the glares. He is the one to get Dwayne to lighten up a little bit, to smile he loves to see that smile :). He got around to dating Marko, when they finally put a label on it he was really giddy about it, making jokes and comments- he adores the little names like ‘sweetheart’ or ‘bo’ - he eventually gets around to just plain ‘sugar’ . Marko is the one who really entertains Paul’s love for dancing, the two of them trying to get the others to do something lighten up- eventually their pawing would bare fruit. Paul makes the best out of the worst situation, even if they end up sleeping on the beach more often then not- he somehow makes it seam alright. Except that one time he had gotten sand in Dwayne’s eye and all hell broke lose. He is the current youngest member of the group after Jaspers passing.

Dwayne Maher

Age (as of 1906) : 22

Born: 1884

Appearance: Tall, muscular , tanned(I will establish this now but Dwayne is Native American.) long Black hair with burnet highlights, reaches half down his back.

Backstory:

Born out more Midwest unlike the others he was not born in San Francisco, eldest son of a decent sized family of four kids. Do to conflict he and his younger brother skipped town, skipped state and fled to California.. better options you know?. He’s strong built, hard working and good with his hands though, rather playful most of the time. He looks after his younger brother closely, when there is work they work the same place, when there is not they both still do the same. Quickly took to David and the gang , having a tight knit bond with each of them. He was sort of the muscle - if there was trouble, he knew how to fight and it would likely work better then the knives the boys carried around or the gun David could barely shoot. It was Paul who got him to open up more, about himself and just to speak in general, he’s much more under his breath and jokingly commenting then he is saying something out loud- however if he dislikes something or thinks it stupid you WILL know it. Like David he carries the occasional thought of caution, however he’s not nearly as quick to worry. Maher is not his actual last name , nor does he ever mention it- he simply uses this one when it’s needed as some sort of identification or document. He’s surprisingly good at money, he ends up counting with David and is better at budgeting no matter how he may want or need something. He doesn’t speak on his past as he tries to make it seam he has little of one, he likes to make things mysterious he finds it amusing.

Jasper Maher-

Age (as of 1906) : 16

Born: 1890

Died: 1906

Appearance: shoulder length black hair, typically tied back and braided , tanned, string bean.

Backstory:

The younger brother of Dwayne who is much much more open on how he grew up, casually mentioning things he learned from his parents of his brother (he doesn’t remember his parents that much.) young hot shot sort of kid who’d much rather have action then he would some serious job, loud, energy filled and one for violence- however he’s surprisingly sweet. He often got himself and his brother into trouble. He was a quick and fast young child who grew surprisingly closest with Marko, the two having a habit for breaking every possible rule they could manage together. Their close friendship lead to Marko naming one of his birds after Jasper long after his passing.

Max-

Unknown age but he is seen as extremely old and powerful

Relationship with the boys:

After finding them he has decided to take them under his metaphorical and physical wing, acting as a sort of guardian. Food, clothing, shelter, he was everything the boys didn’t have and was surprisingly inviting in the beginning. ‘I do this for you, you on occasion do this for me’ sort of deal. He wasn’t a leader so much as he was a usual figure, the boys knew and understood him to be above them... so they followed you know? The whole new vampirism thing and the clueless kids- he had to explain and show nearly everything... especially to David, he wasn’t so much harsh to him as he was strict- more of a lead by example sort. Honestly he was father like in a strange sense- that someone is almost like a parent but very much your boss. See... with Max’s strength, there’s this almost automatic level of control- you can’t say no to him. You literally can’t not do what he asks (some supernatural level messing-). There’s something dark about him, in him that the boys still don’t understand in the 80s- but it scares them. It’s strange, it feels unlike him... he seams just like a Dorky , sweet man until...

Some random thoughts that don’t really fit anything

The boys are explicitly religious, past what you’d hear in passing or remember from growing up. Saying “oh god” and respecting religious officials are about what you’ll get

Whoopsies! This was a extremely long post lmao. Sorry for the long read but I could go on and on about them this was just a small blurb to all of it. If you ever wanna hear more do tell me. Also tell me if I should add tw for anything as I know I got a little dark at some points.

[anarmorofwords]

I kinda wanna write a better version of tlh where Tatiana is still insane but there's no Belial bc that makes zero sense to me

In this version there would be:

Kamanna done correctly with actual genderqueer rep and not toxic relationships

Barbra and Oliver bc fight me she didn't die

Genie and Filomena bc I love them and all the lightwoods are queer

The gracelet doesn't even happen bc I refuse to write that

Grace is pretty much still the same but she breaks off their(hers and james') relationship bc she notices that he loves Cordelia

No bad James. He's not a shitty person to Alastair, and he doesn't treat Cordelia like a sex object

Anna puts a stop to Kellington and Matthew's relationship before it gets serious. She also tries to get him to stop drinking all the time

Alastair apologizes around seeing them again for the first time. The merry thieves are a little reluctant because of some of the things he did but they don't actively try to keep him away from events that they're at

Matthew notices how Alastair looks at Thomas and locks them in the sanctuary with Genie and Cordelia's help

Grace gets badly injured due to a mistake in necromancy and Christopher helps her treat it without letting people know

Lucie meets Jesse, and falls in love ofc, so in order to bring him back successfully she asks Malcolm to train her in using her magic

Matthew opens up to his mom about the incident. She doesn't blame him at all and instead apologizes for often putting her work before him

Matthew finds out about Charles and Alastair because he found Alastairxs break up letter to Charles

Matthew, the mother hen he is, decided to attempt to murder his older brother, only being stopped by James who had been there at the right time

Kamala ends things with Charles and tells Anna that she still loves them and hopes that she will give her another chance

Anna told her that they needed time to think, and that she is worried how Kamala's reputation will be affected if anyone besides their friends and Anna's family finds out

Kamala respects her decision and doesn't contact her until Anna's ready to talk about things

The merry thieves don't ignore Christopher and they actively listen and help him

The merry thieves also aren't terrible to Grace bc they realize she's been isolated alone with Tatiana and 1) she might not understand what's saying/doing is wrong or 2) that sometimes she's trying to push them away so her abilities don't accidentally make them do something

Good tid parents

James and Alastair being respectful to each other despite personal differences

Matthew, Alastair, Kamala, Christopher, and Grace being besties, or as I call them, the neglected squad

No fetishizing mlm/wlw

Domestic cuddles and taking care of the other one when they're sick

Jesse/Lucie/Matthew pairing bc I love them and I refuse to pick between lucie/matthew and lucie/jesse

Christopher teaching Grace the elements(at the time) on the periodic table

Tatiana dies at the end yay

It's very unpolished and I'm open to b hearing any feedback and/or suggestions that anyone may have

The idea came to me and I decided it would be best if I told someone before I forgot

hi, I'm sorry it took so long,but I wanted to properly answer this and I keep having either internet connection issues or little time

DON'T BE SHY, WRITE THIS 👀

In all seriousness tho... THIS IS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION?!? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START I AM UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA, I NEED IT

Look, I've been on the verge of rewriting ChoI, and I keep saying I want someone to write a TLH that will live up to its potential, but I've never actually came up with a proper idea for it, and you?!! YOUR BRAIN DARLING THIS IS GENIUS

ok hold up I'll just react to each and every single one so

yes please?!? I mean it started off so sweet in EEV?! Also actually genderqueer Anna and not dancing around the subject like CC is doing now?! That's what they deserve, and that's what we all deserve too

yesss please. also just,,,, Barbara, the feminine, not-wanting-to-fight-which-doesnt-make-her-less-badass queen that she is, getting the page space and appreciation she deserves

that's actually brilliant?!? it would be so great, just imagine the new girl arrives for her travel year and Genie is completely awestruck. I'm so invested in Joshwood it's difficult to imagine not having them, but this is actually the only valid alternative?!

ok that's fine. I think it could still happen and be done well, but tbh for now... the gracelet doesn't seem to have done anything relevant to the plot itself? I mean yeah it messed up James's life and Jordelia, but what did it give Belial? Tatiana? nothing. It makes no sense atm.

could be! maybe she's still encouraged by Tatiana to befriend/seduce him, but without the gracelet it doesn't work out? or maybe James somehow manages to realize that she's in danger and he actually like,,,, kidnaps her? idk idk

yes. YES. just,,,,z James is a sweet compassionate literature nerd who accidentally makes a good leader and he actually cares about people, and not just judges them from his high horse; he does still have hero syndrome, but he's kind and respectful and overall a good character

ANNA INTERVENES ABOUT KELLINGTON PLZ. PEOPLE ACTUALLY NOTICE MATTHEW'S STRUGGLES. JAMES DOES, TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO GRACELET.

ok yes, so what about: basically TMT don't harass Alastair and accept his apology, and realize they were also being stupid and mean at times at the Academy (especially Math). Matthew doesn't want to accept Alastair's apology, because of The Sin, but his behaviour alerts the rest of TMT and they inquire what's wrong and he tells them about the sin and that's how he later tells his parents (because his friends encourage him) and as you say, she just hugs him and reassures him it's not his fault; so after that Matthew slowly begins to heal and accepts it wasn't Alastair's fault, and also since they've kind of adopted/started including Alastair in things, he can't help but notice he's actually changed and he even starts to grow fond of him

then like you said, Matthew notices Thomas likes Alastair PLEASE HE SO WOULD. I'm not sure about the Sanctuary, if it actually happens (I'll get to why later on), but him and Lucie get really invested in the matchmaking schemes, they include Genie/Kamala because these two are friends with Alastair (both? Or at this point only Kamala?) but they also share some Moments during their scheming/talking about love 👀 (yes I'm a Fairdale shipper, I think it's time to expose myself lol)

Which leads me to (sorry I'm going off order rn) YES YES YES LUCIE AND MATH PLEASE. A FELLOW SHIPPER, HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. But since we're actually fixing him then we can give Jesse a personality and I'm totally down for poly Math/Lucie/Jesse

Lucie seeking Malcolm's help in secret, morally gray heroine style?!? no, it's probably not legal. but also has there ever been a Shadowhunter like her? If the Law doesn't expect such situations, it can't really forbid them...

Plz Matthew ready to strangle the carrot when he learns about their relationship, YES. sure, maybe he's still not the biggest fan of Alastair, but he's seen how much the boy's been through and starts to develop an attachment to him, and besides, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE GROOMED AND TREATED LIKE THAT. He's SO MAD at Charles, and he confronts him about it - remembering Kellington as he does, and it makes him sick to think his brother would do the same thing to someone. Maybe he gets very emotional over this and later finally tells his friends about Kellington? Maybe they didn't know before, only Anna did? So when they all realize what was happening then they comfort him etc? Or maybe it's just Alastair that learns now, and the others knew before, and they share a bonding moment over that?

Injured Grace seeking Kit's help is a genius idea I didn't know I needed

Kamanna giving each other time and space and deciding they need to question their relationship and figure out if it actually makes sense would be great. Anna realising she's very privileged and Kamala doesn't have those same opportunities, and also in general realising coming out should never be pressured or forced. Just,,,, Anna being self-aware and respectful towards Kamala. Well-written Anna. Plz. Also Kamanna is actually developed and not just "in love" because,,,,, they're attracted to each other? Maybe even remaining friends while Anna makes up their mind?

yeah just TMT being more compassionate and less judgy because they're not written by Judith so her bias isn't projected onto them

It's not a want, it's a need. They adopt Alastair and Grace eventually. Like, maybe not literally - although, Grace? - but you know what I mean.

I think they all should just have various friendship dynamics and switch between them, because people need more than one friend group

no fetishizing, no watching your brother make out with his lover, yessss

yes domestic cuddles, affection, taking care of wounds, all those things. plz.

Gracetopher bonding over science yes

obviously. or maybe she's imprisoned?!

ok, now for some more notes/my ideas etc., if you don't mind:

I actually think Belial could still be featured? After all, I don't think Tatiana could do much on her own, and since she seeks help from demons, it makes sense to include a Greater Demon as well. But Belial would have to be a stronger villain, written better; I'll think more about this

if that was the case, the serial killer plot could still happen, but be done better. and it would allow for a scenario I talked about with @littlx-songbxrd to happen, where it's Alastair who's falsely accused of murder. It creates a great opportunity to explore some things, because we know Alastair is much more likely to be seriously suspected, considering all the prejudices and bad rep his family has and all that

...what do you say to well-written Jordelia? 👀 Cordelia hasn't been obsessively in love with James since childhood, she only had a crush then. And now that they meet again, she's fond of him but not in love, not straight away. They're both grown up, and different people, but as they spend more and more time together, they fall in love. What if Cordelia gets to flirt with some other boys first? What then. What if she ends up choosing James, instead of going for the only boy she's ever had feelings for and idealized since childhood. What if we even make it friends-to-lovers and have James be a little jealous at some point?! but not in a possessive awful way, just "oh damn oh no"

Now I won't know peace until this exists BUT THANK YOU

[mageofseven]

I get so excited when I see your URL pop up in the main tag, thank you so much for sharing your writing with us!! 💛❤️If it's not too much trouble, I'd love to see your take on how a Lucifer x MC x Mammon poly relationship would work. Take it easy, don't burn yourself out, keep yourself safe! 💕

Aww Nonnie, that's really too sweet 🥺 Thank you so much! I'm so glad that you like my work! I'm really grateful that you guys find my writing worth reading, like you have no idea.

So I hope you enjoy this one too! And have a great day/night/ whenever you're reading this 💕💕

~

Okay so I honestly think how the three formed their relationship will surprise some people, but I stand by it. It would be a complicated beginning, but not a chaotic one.

It's no secret that Mammon has basically had feelings for MC since day one of the story. It's obvious to everyone, especially the Avatar of Greed's brothers. This would be the initial issue because I don't think Lucifer would want to take this opportunity from Mammon, the opportunity to be in a relationship. Lucifer may be the Avatar of Pride, but he always puts his family first. With that being said...

Starting Point:

It would all start with MC confessing their feelings to Lucifer. Or well... trying to, at least.

Lucifer would recognize fairly quickly where the human's word were headed and steer them away skillfully before excusing either himself or MC from the conversation.

Basically a subtle but clear rejection.

This wasn't done for lack of mutual feelings for the human though. Rather, out of respect for his brother who he cares about, even if he doesn't often say it out loud.

Word spread through House of Lamentation about Lucifer's rejection because of Asmo (he was the one who pushed MC to confess their feelings and the one they ran to for comfort afterwards, leading to a spa day and talk session).

This is how Mammon discovered it, feeling hurt as he heard his Human actually had feelings for his older brother. I mean, come on! He's their First! Why would they have feelings for anyone else?

This man is bummed hardcore for days. Eventually his younger brothers get tired of his mood and tell him to just ask them out and get it over with, saying that the rejection might actually work in his favor and make them "settle" for him.

Rude words aside, the Avatar of Greed started to agree. Yeah, maybe this was his chance!

It didn't turn out like he hoped it would though.

The human honestly had no idea till that moment that the second brother had feelings for them.

MC admitted that they felt the same

But still rejected him.

They explained that despite their feelings for him that they still carried feelings for Lucifer as well and it just didn't feel right to date him while they held feelings for someone else.

Boy was crushed, but said he understood and just kinda avoided them for awhile. As the days went by, he was stuck in his own head, a place he usually tried to avoid.

Eventually though, he found himself outside of his older brother's study, to Lucifer's annoyance; the Avatar of Pride was used to only seeing him there when he gets into a bind and needs help.

When the younger brother presented the topic however, the oldest kept quiet and heard him out. It was... unusual for Mammon to be so upfront and serious, but that was a sign that what he was saying was important to him.

He asked Lucifer to be honest and tell him if he had feelings for MC. The Avatar of Pride stared at him for a long minute before answering that yes, he does.

It was Mammon's turn to be silent.

"Tell me. Why the questions? What is that you're trying to achieve with this conversation?"

That's when Mammon proposed it, the idea of sharing MC

Which yes, isn't something you'd expect from him. Mammon is easily jealous when it comes to his Human, but he's also one to always help them when they need it.

If this will make them happy... then shouldn't he try? Hell, it'd make him and his brother happy too, even if they won't really admit it.

Neither one of them was a fan of sharing, but they had a long conversation about it.

Poly relationships were fairly common for demons. Not all demons can manage it; many are possessive on a dangerous level for their loved one. However, such relationships were common enough that no one batted an eyelash at it.

Still, could the two share in a healthy way? Would MC be open to this?

Mammon got a bit impatient towards the end of the conversation, but the tired man relented and told his younger brother to retrieve MC.

First, the older demon apologized to them about the rejection. He made it clear to the human that it wasn't from lack of feelings on his part, but rather, a concern for his brother.

This is how they led into the topic of MC dating both brothers and explaining how common such a relationship was within the Devildom.

Dynamics:

Keeps their dates with MC separate in the beginning.

The two just find this easier; they have completely different interests after all. Lucifer likes taking MC out to dinner and to the opera or an orchestra while Mammon prefers to take them to parties, night clubs, and, to the oldest's dismay, casinos.

Lucifer schedules his dates in advance with MC at the beginning of the week in order to work around his schedule. Occasionally has to cancel at last minute because of Diavolo, but always has a gift ready as an apology.

Mammon hardly ever plans out dates. Half the time, he won't even remember to ask MC to go with him to a party till the night of. Complains a lot if his Human already has a date planned with Lucifer, but doesn't really hold grudges.

Occasionally, and only with MC's insistence, the brothers will share a date with their Human, but it's usually not a long one. A dinner between the three, evening walks; little things that are simple, but fulfilling to the human.

Overall, a pretty peaceful relationship. Mammon complains a lot and Lucifer can get frustrated with him, especially if he drags MC into their money making schemes, but it's nothing new.

Mixing the reliable older brother with the emotionally intelligent second brother is actually a good mix for MC.

[veloxaraptor]

Long Time Coming

I’ve kept my mouth shut on this for a very long time. 

Last year I cut ties with an incredibly toxic player in the FFXIV community. Most of you know them as either Yosei Ittetsu or Vincent Arius.

Sometime around the end of September/beginning of October I ended a long running RP Ship with the player and quit his FC. This came after months of gas lighting, lying, manipulation, and just down right being used.

I’d spent some time getting to know them and their RL Partner so as to get the blessing to ship our characters together as Koa’s (the name the player goes by) partner didn’t feel comfortable with them shipping with anyone but themselves. 

I later learned that once I got the approval to ship with Koa, that they then went behind my back and their partner’s back and attempted to ship with other people under the guise of “I’ve been allowed to multi ship”. The timeline for that was around Mayish of 2019.

Throughout the tenure of our friendship and RP, Koa insisted OOCly that their partner was abusive and controlling. Something I have come to doubt. A partner feeling uncomfortable with their SO shipping/ERPing with other people isn’t all that uncommon or unreasonable. 

That being said, Koa would share screenshots with myself and others of fights they would have with their partner, carefully cropped to show certain parts of the fight that would cast their partner in the worst light. So naturally, we believed him.

So other friends and I agreed to help Koa ship/ERP in secret because we wanted to find a way to give them autonomy over themself. I regret this. Not only because it was incredibly disrespectful to a RL relationship, but because of the hurt it eventually caused other people later on.

This is going to get wordy, so please bear with me as I place the rest under a read me.

Koa and I agreed to a poly ship. One that would include myself, their RL partner’s character, and a third--my friend Noise. The agreement with the ship was that Tegah, Gan, and Noise would all be a “Table” poly setting and each could have extraneous partners if--and only if--we were comfortable with it OOC and our characters were comfortable with it IC. Meaning, there needed to be communication. This agreement extended only to the three as Koa stressed that they were only shipping with their RL partner to keep OOC peace and because they felt obligated to.

Very quickly things became very odd. I say that because often times Koa would wait until I needed to go to bed, and/or their RL partner would be at work (they worked nights) to initiate ship or ERP related RP. And if I was around for any of that RP, I was always shoved to the side and made to feel more like an accessory than an actual RP partner.

I tried several times to address this with Koa only to be gaslit and told that he was the one always feeling left out because he had to work around the confines of his “Abusive” RL partner and because Gan and Noise had a more in-depth story driven background with one another and knew each other better than Yosei and Noise knew each other.

My complaints would be invalidated and I’d always end up trying to help Koa find ways to solve their issues. Only for the circle to repeat itself.

Twice my character Gan found external partners. Both times I made sure going forward that both Koa and Noise were okay with it. And I was given their blessings. Both times, Koa attempted to insert their character into the relationship and sleep with the partner. The first one was successful. The second time not so much.

As time progressed, it became more and more clear that Koa’s main focus was drawing attention to themself and ERP. Mostly the latter if I’m being honest. Every time I turned around, I was learning of a new character that Yosei was gunning for and trying to sleep with. And it was always played off as a joke until it actually happened.

At some point one of the infatuations turned into another possible ship partner for the group. This is where Batu, one of my dearest friends comes in to the story. Koa had been selling Batu to Noise and I under the understanding that Batu was happy to simply be a fling/fuck buddy for the group. Meanwhile, he was selling to Batu the story that the group was looking for a 4th member. All the while neglecting to explain the truth to Batu as to how the ship worked despite him asking IC and OOC.

One very awkward night of RP where Gan brought over her side partner and Koa made many pointed comments about how we should all have an Orgy. (Which their RL partner asked about and Koa flat out lied to them). Batu learned how the ship worked on and IC and OOC level and had revealed that he’d been lied to the entire time. Or at the very least, misled.

So Batu decided to leave the group on an IC basis. Naturally, feelings were hurt OOC. And very much so IC as Gan and Batu had begun to fall for one another, and Noise and Batu were starting to grow close.

During this period of time, Batu ICly went to the Steppes to deal with the loss. Tegah/Yosei’s solution was to “fuck away the sad”. Because... yeah. 

At this time an FC member had their character go check on Batu and inform him of some RP stuff that had left Gan unwell. Batu returned and relationships were able to be repaired between Batu, Gan, and Noise. Batu expressed OOC that there was no desire to attempt with Koa again as he’d left feeling very used IC and OOC.

Naturally the characters did run into one another and it ended in conflict at which point Koa decided to metagame. He chose that moment to decide that it was his character that sent our FC member after Batu. There’d been no discussion over the course of the two weeks that all this had happened. Koa had just decided on the spot, something that was verified by the FC member.

When called out, Koa lied about meta-gaming. We even offered up logs to which he still lied and denied, saying they’d been talking about it for a while. Our FC member firmly refutes this and gave us logs to support. 

At that point, after months of being pushed to the side for other RP’s, gaslit regarding my issues, lied to, etc, I decided to end my RP partnership with Koa. I offered to stay around for the FC as I was the one running events and pushing for things to happen. But the day after that decision, Koa decided that we’d been leading the FC in the wrong direction (Despite being the one to tell us to go in that RP route) and that he wasn’t happy with how things were going.

Admittedly, I took this as a stab at me. Because I was the one running events, the one trying to keep things active for our FC members, and had suggested stepping back from Suisei Ramen the first time as there would be no way to balance it, FC RP, and personal RP all at once. It was then that I closed the book on all ties with Koa. I wanted nothing to do with them IC or OOC. He was immediately blocked from all my social media accounts and all websites I’d hosted on behalf of him and his FC were handed over.

This is where things become most important. Months after the fact, Koa openly admitted in a google doc he was spreading around in an attempt to defame me, that he’d been stalking my accounts either personally or through mutuals looking for anything he could use against me. 

I--in my naivety--had kept my mouth shut for the most part in the hopes that we could end things amicably and just move on. Almost a year later and I’m making this post because I’m still being harassed by Koa.

Since October of 2019, Koa has attempted to stir the pot time and again. Trying to oust me from RP communities. defame me, accuse me of plagiarism. (Most of this was while knowing I was heavily pregnant IRL and under a lot of stress) As recently as July 5, 2020, this person has been trying to cause issues. On the date mentioned, he attempted to insert himself into RP with Noise and I. Both of us have expressly stated we want nothing to do with him and want him to leave us alone and knowing that, still tried to put himself in our small group of RP.

Since leaving Koa, a lot of things have come to light. First and foremost, he was badmouthing me to my closest friends. Insisting I had an OOC affair going with a ship partner of mine. I’m married IRL. Koa knew this. And knowing this, attempted to spread that lie to push people away from me. Specifically, my friend Batu who was the one he told this to.

He blamed Batu’s IC/OOC departure on me, because I was uncomfortable with a concept he was trying to push for the second time. The concept being to have his character Yosei/Tegah gender swap to a woman and sleep with Gan’s partner. The first time it occurred was with a side relationship Gan had with another player. Koa wanted to have their character gender swap, sleep with Gan’s partner without the character knowing and possibly get pregnant. When asked about my opinion, I expressed that I wasn’t all that thrilled with it and that Gan would be angry/jealous. To which he insisted I was wrong and that Gan would find it funny.

The second instance was because Batu had more interest in Gan than Tegah/Yosei. At which point Koa decided it would be fun to try and force a race between his character and Gan as to who would have our ship partner Noise’s children first, knowing that there was a plot point set up for when that would inevitably happen. Again he adamantly stated that Gan wouldn’t be upset and find it funny, and that if she didn’t want it to happen she should just get pregnant back to back with each partner’s children. (At this time she was supposed to be pregnant with Yosei/Tegah’s baby. A fact that I later retconned.)

Koa continually went behind mine and all our ship partners backs to ERP with other characters. Ship with other characters. Shit talk me, and other people. When he’d be denied ERP, he’d turn and try to convince people that the person in question was actually after HIM for ERP and not the other way around.

Many people have come forward to me with information regarding his behavior. Unfortunately I don’t have permission to share their stories as they’ve asked to be left out of any public call outs. 

All I can safely share are these logs here

Koa/Yosei/Tegah/Vincent Arius is nothing more than a toxic individual obsessed with ERP, Attention, and playing victim as much as possible. Almost a year later and he is still harassing me, blaming me when things go wrong, defaming, and causing me drama. I’ve had enough. If even ONE person finds comfort in knowing they aren’t the only one he’s caused problems for, then it’ll be worth it.

And as always, I’m more than happy to answer any questions regarding this post that people might have. I’d love to share more logs and screencaps, but I do respect people’s privacy and I still don’t want to shit on their RL relationship any more than revealing this stuff will do.

[thevoilinauttheory]

Okay but for the "Romance and friendship ship asks" - petition for you to just answer all of them, LiveJournal interview meme style, lol. (I'll do it too if you will!)

(( Okay, but first I gotta start with... I still don’t know wtf LiveJournal is. I, uh. I’m not an internet-savvy person, unfortunately (I’m *still* trying to figure out what xkit is and why it’s so important to tumblr, so I usually just smile and nod when it’s brought up lol). I can’t even figure out how to work twitter or facebook. The fact that I learned how to tumblr is a miracle.

And next: A lot of these questions are really heavily dependent on the situation I’m in, unfortunately! So some may not have very clear answers. I’m going to put this ENTIRE thing under the cut - for several reasons. One, it’s long. And two, there’s some sensitive material that’s either triggering [allusions to sexual assault and manipulative behavior ], or NSFW. 

A huge thanks to @renofmanyalts, @spotofmummery, @lukawarrioroflight, and @cadrenebula for the asks on this meme! ))

So without further ado - here’s all of the answers to the questions for the “Romance and Friendship Ship Asks”!

1. When you RP a ship do you prefer to make everything be smooth sailing all the time or do you allow conflicts to arise?

I don’t mind either way, so long as my RP partner… y’know, talks with me. I’m reminded of an instance in the past where my RP partner wanted conflict, but took it to a whole other extreme to the point where it physically hurt to RP through. One of my characters, in a serious relationship with theirs; ended up kidnapped, drugged, and assaulted - resulting in the assailant getting pregnant. Now, when my character comes to - only semi-aware of what happened to them; absolutely distraught and hurting once they learned the truth; my partner’s character comes in and berates them for cheating, being unfaithful, not trying hard enough - essentially victim blaming. If I had been warned of this, I would not have agreed to playing this situation out. With adequate warning, however, I’m usually fairly open to anything. So, yes. It really does depend. I would prefer smooth sailing, and with warning, am very okay with conflict in a ship.

2. Do you like to RP smut when you RP a ship?

This one’s doozy lol. The base answer is, I do! I find the smut scenes to be very big character building situations - giving more detailed information on what a character is like in an intimate situation; what quirks they have, and whatnot. Sometimes it’s story building too - and I’m all about that story and character building. BUT. I will not. My IRL spouse is not comfortable with me doing so, and I respect that. So I will not ERP as long as they remain uncomfortable with it.

3. Do you like to plan a ship out or just let it happen?

Usually, all of the ships I have just… happen. Nothing’s quite planned except “what character would interact well with this one” - not with the explicit purpose of shipping (romantically), but more of seeing what kind of interactions can blossom. However, I’m not opposed to planning, if that’s what’s more comfortable with my RP partner.

4. Do you prefer monogamous or poly ships?

I, personally, have no preference. So long as the poly relationship is played out properly (i.e. the people who use being poly as an excuse to cheat/be unfaithful to their partner(s)). I don’t excuse people giving us poly folks a bad name. So I have no preference… but my characters do! Each preference is listed in their profile, whether or not they are monogamous or polyamorous / what their sexual and romantic orientations are. (tbh tho, all of them are negotiable)

5. Are there any characters that you want a ship for?

Ha ha. Yes. Quite a few, actually. (If not all of them, for shipping in a general sense.)

6. Do you like friend-with-benefits ships?

With warning ahead of time, yes. Whether IC or OOC - OOC is preferable, because some of my characters’ personalities make them very easily attached to others. The best example is Danny, with what some of the more recent ask answers show. And I want to make sure that the character is good for the situation. Though I do have a couple characters that would prefer to keep it at the “friends-with-benefits” stage, and if that’s a character or plot I want to play, I would ask my RP partner about it first.

7. Have you ever regretted a ship, romantic or otherwise?

Mmm… I want to say yes. I really do. Even the ones that screwed me over, though, part of me can’t help but cherish them in some strange way. Each one of them has been an experience for me and my character. But. I think… there is one yes in there. ...Maybe a couple, but all of those ships were with the same RP partner. At the time, though, those ships were my lifeblood - upon reflection… they were all pretty yikes. And I’ve got another friend as my witness lol.

8. Do you like to be friends with the people you have ships with?

I have to be friends with the people I ship with. I can do walk up RP with strangers, get to events and all that - but if someone is wanting a romantic ship with me, I need to know them as a person, not as their character. And I need them to know me as a person, too; that I’m not my character(s). Honestly, I prefer to be friends with all of my RP partners anyways! Ship or no! I like learning about people as they are, not just as their character(s) are.

9. What do you look for in a writing partner for ships?

Just… I guess, a decent person? That’s very vague, and that’s because it’s true. I want someone that understands that life gets in the way a lot, and that I might have to pause a thread or two until I can get myself situated. RP does not come before real life, and I want my partners to understand that as much as I do. I will drop threads with people who show toxic behaviors - not without talking to them first, of course, but if it blows up, then I’m done. I can’t put myself in a situation like that again.

10. Do you think romantic ships should be long-term?

Mm. This is another tough one. Which I think coincides a lot with the next question as well. If my partner wants a romantic ship to end, then as long as they talk about it with me, I’m totally fine with it - a day, two, a month, years? I don’t mind as long as I have warning, and things are talked through first. I’ll cover the rest of my thoughts on this in the next question.

11. How do you handle an absent RP partner that you have a ship with?

First, I’d be incredibly worried! I do have some friendships that disappear for a few months, then come back, and I don’t mind those at all. But if I make a new friend, and I don’t know if they’re prone to that, then I’d be worried about their safety! I’ll reach out first, as many times as I need to. I want to make sure that my friend is safe and in a good place. If they respond with “I’m alive, just stuff going on”, the ship won’t be dropped. I won’t drop ships due to absence, not right away - unless otherwise told to by my RP partner (maybe because they know they won’t be around, or they’re quitting the game, etc). If my RP partner is absent for a minimum of three to six months or longer *without* any sort of contact, I will tell them that there will be a pause on our ship and there’s a possibility of the character finding another… but also that if their life allows it, and they’re keen on it, I will pick up the ship again in the future. tl;dr: I want to make sure that my RP partner is in a safe place before I make any comments to dropping a ship.

12. How often do you think people should RP when they have ships together?

As often as it is comfortable for everyone involved. Whether that’s everyday, once a week, or twice a month. I, personally, have no issues with time. If RP isn’t being done, then I’m memeing or asking questions or putting terrible ideas into my RP partners’ heads.

13. Do you RP out all interactions or do you assume some things happen ‘off-screen’ with your ships?

Assumption, always. Even if we don’t play out those interactions, we’ll talk about them. “So it’s likely that [x] has happened during [x] time since [RP session]”. RPing out all interactions would take up a lot of time, and lead to a lot of disappointment - especially if you equate “one day irl = one day in RP”.

14. Is there anyone you know that you want to have an RP ship with (romantic, friendship, hateship, rival, ect.)?

My only answer to this is: yes, absolutely. My only clarification is: all of my wonderful followers - you all have such amazing characters, how could I not want a ship (in the general sense)?

15. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned when it comes to RPing ships?

The most important thing I’ve learned… happens to be two things. 1) Communication is your greatest tool. Not communicating with your RP partner about anything will cause everyone grief. If something makes you uncomfortable, if there’s a thread you want to try, if there’s a thread you want to drop - you need, need, NEED to talk to your RP partner. and 2) Your RP partner is a person, just like you. You cannot expect them to shit out a thread on command; nor can you expect them to write when there’s stress going on in their life. Your RP partner is your friend, and you should treat them as such. If the going is tough, make sure they know that they aren’t pressured into writing, and that you’re there for support. If there’s stress in your life, it’s on you to warn your partner - and trust that they treat you like a person too.

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#160-151)

(Author's note: Sorry about it being a couple of days late--I wanted to rest a bit--which I will do again because we hit the top 150--and had to download quite a bit for the gifs. Please enjoy this bunch, though!)

#160: Dihaj -- Skeletons (Azerbaijan 2017)

“When we hook up it’s fantasy We’re just like alchemy I’ve never been so ready”

I completely neglected Skeletons during the contest, as I didn't listen to it beforehand and didn't watch songs 12-17 when watching the grand final live. Along with "Grab the Moment" that year, it sandwiched a horrendous stretch of songs in #13-16.

Despite this, I listened to it a lot afterwards. It’s equal parts intriguing and mysterious, especially with the almost-nonsensical lyrics with interesting images. I always imagined a concept film in which the main character meets a potential love interest in a night club, only to go too far and almost kill him.

The atmosphere the staging created was a bit strange, in that it incorporates masks and a world inside a school chalkboard. For each of these aspects, Skeletons is my favorite Azeri entry ever—it stands out in a unique way because of its eccentricity.

Personal ranking: 5th/42 Actual ranking: 14th/26 GF in Kyiv

#159: Tommy Seebach -- Disco Tango (Denmark 1979)

“Hun er en stjerne på et dansegulv Slår John Travolta i en rock ‘n’ roll På diskoteket ta’r hun kegler, og der ka’ man se Dem stå i kø og skæve, hver gang hun gør sin entré”

“She’s a star on a dance floor Beats John Travolta in a rock ‘n’ roll At the disco she’s scoring, and there you see Them queue up with an eye on her, every time she enters”

Disco and tango are two genres you don’t expect to work together, despite them being so fun to dance to. Despite this, Tommy Seebach makes it sound natural. There’s a bit of adjustment needed when listening to it, but it’s equally flirty and groovy all at once, as one gets to know the many quirks of the song.

The live performance definitely elevates it--not only with Debbie Cameron's enthusiasm (she would come back two years later with Tommy in a bigger part), but also because of the orchestration. The mix with strings and castanets in the chorus was definitely the best part and gets me shaking.

It’s different for Denmark, but definitely a song you should put in a disco (*clap clap*) from time to time!

Personal ranking: 3rd/19 Actual ranking: 6th/19 in Jerusalem

#158: Poli Genova -- If Love (Were) a Crime (Bulgaria 2016)

“Unafraid, never fade When it’s dark we illuminate”

Bulgaria’s comeback after a two-year hiatus sees them with a hyper energetic pop song with an uplifting message. While it seems like a simple one at first, the diverse Eurovision community can embrace it for its openness and determination. The great production upholds this gem, and the lighting on stage adds to it, especially in the end.

Poli definitely makes this song come to life with her vocals and her upbeat personality, making it shine even more! (And I did like her costume--not something for everyday-wear, but definitely one fitting the song and a bit avant--garde too). Compared to her first entry, which fights against those who put her down in a pop-rock way, she delivers with fun.

And they got their first qualification in nine years and a start to a nice run of entries as a result.

Personal ranking: 5th/42 Actual ranking: 4th/42 GF in Stockholm

#157: Athena -- For Real (Turkey 2004)

“All I know is you don’t want to be part of the crowd Realise yourself You say it but don’t feel it, what you sayin’ has no meanin’ Don’t hide your soul”

For their host entry, Turkey brings upon Athena, a ska-punk (and former metalcore) band with this bouncy song. And it’s such a great one—filled with energy and fun. A bit different from what we expect from Turkey, but it shows what their music industry could bring.

It's lively and fun, with Gokhan leading the charge with his presence. At times, he shouts more than he sings and it seems like he didn't dress up for a more formal event. That said, there's still a lot of charm in "For Real's" performance, ranging from the sharks in the background to the "Hi mom!" and the peace jacket. It comes along in an eccentric package, and makes for a solid predecessor to their rock-based entries four years later.

And it definitely hints at being oneself, which celebrates individuality in a fun way.

(Plus, that's the reason why my top three in 2004 isn't the actual top three. Haha)

Personal ranking: 3rd/36 Actual ranking: 4th/24 in Istanbul

#156: Katarína Hasprová - Modlitba (Slovakia 1998)

“Láska kráčam údolím sĺz A len ty môžeš zmierniť môj žiaľ Túžim sa dotknúť tvojich pier, tvojich rúk Prosím vráť sa mi, nevzdaj sa nás”

“Love, I am walking the valley of tears Only you can get me out of misery I long to touch your hands, your lips Please, come back, do not give up”

A comment on the interwebs suggested anybody who has Horehronie as their favorite Slovak entry has never listened to this. I could understand why people would gravitate towards the former, but this stands out more for me (and not just because of the religious title).

The introduction reminds me of “Kiss From a Rose”, which here, is less meant to be about plagiarism and more about the 1990s feel of it. Musically, it takes the same medieval elements from other 1990s entries, but it tells a different story, one about trying to fix a relationship on the rocks. It builds well, going from an otherwise delicate ballad to something more explosive when one gets into the chorus. The orchestration really helps it too!

Modlitba got six points from Croatia...and then nothing else. It's still a shame it did so poorly, but as a potential nul-pointer too? Sad.

Personal ranking: 4th/25 Actual ranking: 21st/25 in Birmingham

#155: Melovin -- Under the Ladder (Ukraine 2018)

“Nothing but your will sets you on fire Fire lasts forever...”

The song that inspired a fervor from Melovin’s fans, including me! While I’m not as enthusiastic as them, I still love this song—it's pulsating and intense, with quite interesting lyrics about getting up again(with some enunciation issues). There was a point where the song got a musical revamp, and I feared it would make the song worse, but fortunately it kept the whole thing intact with a few production changes.

Melovin proves he's a talented showman, and seeing the stairs go aflame made me smile (even though I preferred the effect more on his Vidbir performance; the flaming LEDs really helped there). Good thing the televote swooped in, because last place in the jury vote feels really wrong (though it could be because of said pronunciation).

Plus he has some good post-Eurovision songs—check them out! My favorite is З тобою, зі мною, і годі.

Personal ranking: 6th/43 Actual ranking: 17th/26 GF in Lisbon

#154: Joci Papai -- Origo (Hungary 2017)

“Be kell csuknod a szemed Úgy láthatsz meg engemet Hogy meghódítsd a szívem Ismerned kell lelkemet”

“You need to close your eyes So you can see me To conquer my heart You have to know my soul”

While Az en apam (#240) touches me more than Origo, one can’t deny this is the more creative song. It combines not only Romani influences, but also a dark pop foreground which allows them to shine.

In addition, the lyrics are absolutely masterful—they are rooted in Joci’s story and packs a punch in the message. It's tells of a relationship with someone who doesn't accept him for who he is (cursing her forever as a result), along with how Joci grew up and used music as a weapon for himself and his people. He's a compelling storyteller, and you can tell he sings it from the soul.

Combined with a compelling rap and a neat violin instrumental, you get a completely unique experience.

Personal ranking: 4th/42 Actual ranking: 8th/26 GF in Kyiv

#153: Blanche -- City Lights (Belgium 2017)

“All alone in the danger zone Are you ready to take my hand?”

Blanche had quite the journey in Eurovision--first her song gets released, and immediately becomes a contender. Then she has problems performing in shows and during rehearsals, at which the odds star dropping like flies. Then her semi-final performance was notably wobbly, but she still qualifies and places fourth.

Despite the staging errors (I would've personally have made the lighting gold rather than natural-colored), it was fully deserved and I think it was better than the eventual top three.

The vibe of this song reminds me of walking down the streets of Tokyo, because of the visuals involved. Everything is in a rush, but one's not sure There’s also tension, because of the dark electronic sound that dominates it. Despite Blanche’s nervousness on stage, it worked well with the song—it amplified the sensation of walking down a wire and wondering if the relationship will work. A startling entry from Belgium and one that really strikes at modernity.

Personal ranking: 3rd/42 Actual ranking: 4th/26 GF in Kyiv

#152: Frances Ruffelle -- We Will Be Free (Lonely Symphony) (United Kingdom 1994)

“Welcome to the land Where all our dreams are planned And fighting is a thing to do...”

The first of the UK’s attempts to modernize the contest in the 1990s, it’s a cool, funky song with interestingly-written lyrics. Someone compared the chorus to a protest slogan for social justice movement, but the rest of the song discusses a complex relationship. The opening lines are a highlight in particular, and everything flows fantastically.

A few bits of the live-performance went out of hand, like with the orchestration and Frances’ vocals, explained by how she was bopping up and down and was told that she needed to keep that down. As a result, she couldn't focus on her vocals and they turned out a bit sharp at times.

That said, she had a pretty dress and charming look about her. And while it placed in the top ten, I think it should've done better.

Personal ranking: 4th/25 Actual ranking: 10th/25 in Dublin

#151: Sebalter -- Hunter of Stars (Switzerland 2014)

"I state my heart has been well trained I’m gonna be your candidate I am the hunter and you are the prey Tonight I’m gonna eat you up"

This word-salad of a song makes it quite hard to choose a good lyric, as it has a bunch of nice lines but almost no meaning to them. Reading them again, it seems like one is trying to get his affections to like him, to no avail, unfortunately.

But beyond that, we get a fun and wholesome song, which features a prominent banjo and even a violin solo! From the opening melody I can't help but smile, or even whistle along at points (everytime the latter synchronizes, I feel a bit of accomplishment). It's a bit more folksy than what the contest oriented on the time (slickly produced pop with a bit of dubstep), which makes it even more special.

Finally, we have Sebalter himself, who really carries his own song! Not only is he quite good-looking, but also very charismatic and knows how to have a good time. While Swiss entries have become better known since then, you can't replicate Hunter of Stars; it's too special!

Personal ranking: 5th/37 Actual ranking: 13th/26 GF in Copenhagen

[logical-little-lies]

Soft Kisses in The Kitchen-Little Vlogs (chapter 3)

Tag list: @stimmingsides @smollilsanderssides @novacloudcat @analogical-agere @fairyhuman2000 @aphandgflover@softastarlight @littlesapphygem @softflowerinmyheart @virgietheprincess @babeyalstar @b3an-spr0ut @babeyvoid @lgbtqiaemo @because-were-fam-ily @lonelysoul43

chapter summary: After a few weeks on being friends, the four are comfortable with each other. After a stressful week at work, Roman and Virgil decide to spend their weekend off work at Patton's. Some romance plays out as a certain boy realizes all four of them were beginning to fall for one another.

--

Virgil walked out of the Hot Topic, looking around for his boyfriend and Logan. He found them conversing, walking his way from the bookshop. They fell into a routine, Logan picked them up and dropped them off, somedays Roman did. Either way, Virgil just ended up riding along with whatever car was getting him to and from work. Today though, Roman and Virgil had ridden with Logan, so he was also dropping them off.

"Roman!" Virgil threw himself into Roman's arms, hugging him tightly.

"Hey there, my emo disaster," he chuckled, kissing his forehead. Roman caught Logan glancing at Virgil, seemingly admiring him. "Don't you gotta boyfriend, you Flirty Dork?" he teased.

Logan blushed lightly in sync with Virgil, whose heart exploded at the idea of Logan looking at him in a romantic sense. At this point, their hangouts were full of Roman and Logan flirting, Virgil admiring Logan (and for some reason, he couldn't get Patton out of his head), and Patton cuddling everyone. Unknowingly, all the boys were developing feelings for each other.

"I'm poly," he muttered lightly. Virgil could practically feel Roman's want to break out into a victory dance, but Roman restrained himself from acting that dorky in front of his freckle-faced crush.

"Gay and poly..noted," Roman gave a wink to Logan, but it was so quick that the intelligent and professional man had no idea if it actually happened.

"Hey, gay disaster number 1 and 2, I want to get out of here before I literally die of boredom," Virgil snapped his fingers to get Logan and Roman to stop their very gay flirting. Logan looked towards Virgil, giving him an indecipherable look.

"Emo and sassy...noted," he hummed, and Virgil gasped, going quiet.

"So," Roman stepped off the sidewalk and began leading the other two through the parking lot. "Me and Logan were talking-"

The intelligent man in question corrected him, "Logan and I."

"Irrelevant. We were talking, and were thinking. If you're okay with it, why don't we spend this weekend at Patton's?" Roman rested his hand on Logan's car door handle, waiting for the 'beep' to let him know that it was unlocked.

"I don't have an issue with that. I have this weekend off, we got a new worker, some teenager whose barely old enough to apply for a job. So if it works out, I won't have to work on weekends," Virgil climbed into the back seat, Roman doing a dramatic 'whoop! whoop!'.

Logan and Roman got in, both of them buckling their seat belts. "Seat belt, baby," Roman reminded lightly, and Virgil was quick to listen to his instructions.

"So, we'll head over to your place to get whatever you guys need to sleepover, and then drive to my place," Logan decided. Logan and Roman organized this because Logan had this weekend off too, so for once, they were all free. But honestly, sleepovers even with work the next day were becoming semi-normal. It had been about a month since Virgil met Patton in person, and they had all been hanging out nonstop.

'papa..kinda feel small.'

Virgil was to shy to say it out loud, quietly messaging Patton as Logan drove towards their apartment complex.

'Make sure you let Roman know, grab your little stuff!! We've been irls for a month, and I still haven't seen little you in person!'

Virgil giggled lightly, "What'cha laughing at, Vee?" Roman asked. Virgil shook his head lightly,

"Nothing. M' fine," he tried to keep his voice level, making his absolute best effort to sound big. Roman nodded, but seemed suspicious.

'to shy, don't wanna. I'll stay big!'

Virgil listened to Logan and Roman converse about their job, throwing in some flirty comments here and there. He felt his phone buzz lightly in his lap a few minutes later. They were only a few streets away from their apartment now.

'Now, little one, that isn't a good idea! You haven't been small in a few weeks, and when you have it's only for a little bit. I know your worried you're gonna bother Roman, but I'm sure your dada won't mind!'

Virgil typed out a response, promising he'd tell Roman that he was regressing, but he still didn't say anything right away. "Okay, we'll be back," Virgil was snapped out of his thoughts when Roman opened his door. He realized that they were in the apartment parking lot.

He took Roman's hand, getting out and waving at Logan. Their apartment complex was set up simply, so locating and entering the building was easy. "Pack enough clothes for two nights, two days, and don't forget your hygienic stuff," Roman reminds, unlocking the door and letting Virgil in.  Virgil was quick to pack clothes, and the essentials. He purposely picked out his daytime clothes to be more childlike, hoping Roman would notice. His boyfriend, however, only glanced and ignored it.

Virgil sighed as Roman zipped up his bag, seemingly being able to pack his electronics, clothing, and everything else into one bookbag. "What's wrong, baby?" he looked at Virgil, shouldering his bag and coming closer. Virgil only whined in response, so Roman hugged him. "Don't think I didn't notice you were little, Vee. I was hoping you'd be able to say something and speak up for yourself, but you're anxious, I understand."

Virgil nodded, sniffling slightly. "None of that, there's no reason to cry," Roman assured wiping the tears of his face before reaching to Virgil's side of the bed, handing him his stuffed kitten. "Let's get some little stuff together, hmm?"

Virgil cheered up quickly, rummaging around the apartment and figuring out what little gear he'd need. One sippy cup, a stuffie, a pacifier, and a coloring book later, they had prepared for the sleepover. Virgil was speaking openly in his little voice before the exited the apartment, but when they got back in the car with Logan, he tried to talk big, hiding his face in his stuffie.

"Sorry we took so long, we had to grab little gear for the baby emo back there."

Virgil whined at his teasing, biting at his lip. His pacifier was in his bag, which Roman had set in his lap in the front. Logan played soft music through the aux cord into the radio as they drove, and it was only minutes before the little in the back seat fell asleep. "He takes naps very randomly when he regresses, sometimes in weird spots," Roman lightly chided.

Logan nodded, "Patton is so energetic, but it's adorable. He's never bratty, but when he is, it's because he's full of energy and forgets what rules even are," he chuckled to himself. "What are Virgil's rules?"

"Well, Patton and I have some random stuff. Like, bedtime by ten pm but that's always changing because of other things, listen to your carers, stuff like that. We've never, like, written them out though."

Logan made a turn, "You've never had a whole day where Virgil could be little, have you? He's never regressed long enough to break a rule, has he?"

Roman shook his head, "Virgil works all week. That's why I'm hoping this new worker stays and Virgil gets weekends off."

Logan and Roman continued talking, about work, about their littles, about the upcoming weekend. It wasn't long before they were in front of Patton's house, the the pastel-purple-haired boy in question was quick to run outside. Roman and Logan took the bags inside, while Patton woke Virgil.

"Hey, buddy, let's get up and go inside, hmm?" Patton lightly shook him, his eyes flying open. He felt around for his bear, which was nowhere in sight. "Hey, hey, don't panic. Roman took him inside for you," Virgil pouted in response to this. Patton chuckled, helping him out of the car, and taking his hand so that he didn't manage to hurt himself while going up the porch stairs.

Virgil ran to Roman, "Vani! Gimme Vani," he demanded in a toddler-like voice.

"Please, say please," Patton corrected, letting Logan lock the car before he shut the door and locked it behind him.

"Sorry papa! Please?" he tilted his head, and Roman chuckled, handing him the stuffed bear. Virgil found himself biting on the ear on the bear as he climbed onto the couch.

"ah-ah! No biting your stuffies," Logan jumped in, looking at Roman. "What bag has his little stuff?"

Roman zipped open one of Virgil's bags, pulling out the black adult pacifier. Virgil took it in his mouth quickly, pointing to his Nightmare Before Christmas sippy cup, whining lightly. "I know what you want, but I'm gonna need you to verbally ask, Vee." Roman knew he had trouble asking for something when he needed it, it was something he was trying to work with him on.

"Juice, please?"

"Of course, honey!" Patton took the sippy cup, "Grape, right?"

Virgil nodded with a light giggle, Patton disappearing into his kitchen. "So, Patton always films tons on the weekends, he plans all week and then films on the weekend. I don't know if he's still doing that or otherwise."

Logan began talking with Roman, but Virgil wanted Roman's attention. He made grabby-hands, grabbing the attention of his boyfriend and carer. "Cuddles! Cuddles!" he reached for Roman, who obliged and took his spot next to him on the couch.

Logan sat on the other side of Roman. "He's quite cute," Logan mumbled, blushing with wide eyes when he realized he said that out loud.

"It's okay," Roman assured, "Virgil and I are poly..so flirting is free grounds. I don't have an issue with it."

Logan nodded, still blushing lightly. Virgil had confirmed the fact he was poly with Roman, both of the boys admittedly crushed on Logan. And Roman thought Patton was cute in a 'you're-so-precious-I-wanna-protect-you' type of way, while Logan saw Virgil the same way. During all this, old feelings from high school were coming up for Patton, and Virgil was confused as to why he felt his heart speed up around Patton.

"Patton would kill me if he knew I told you, but he thinks you're cute. And he's had a crush on Virgil since forever, he's actually the main reason he realized he was poly. He had feeling for Virgil, but found himself able to like other people."

"They go well together, I will admit. But I don't know if Virgil likes him back or-"

"Look at this little Storm Cloud! He said that you two were talking grown up stuff, and he snuck into our kitchen," Patton came back into the living room, holding hands with the emo boy, who held his disney sippy cup.

"Sorry...Logan and I were talking and got distracted, I didn't even realize he left," Roman sighed, giving Logan a look that said 'this conversation isn't over'.

"I can let Virgil in my little room, he can play with any of my stuff, it'll keep him busy for a while," Patton offered, and Virgil nodded enthusiastically.

"That sounds good, we can make some snacks and then head up there, yeah?" Logan said. Patton nodded, giving him a look before leading Virgil up the stairs.

"So if I've thought about this correctly,then all of us are poly, right?" Logan asked, only a slight hesitancy in his voice as he got up and entered the kitchen. Roman followed him, feeling the weird nervousness in his stomach.

"Uh, yeah. Virgil didn't officially identify until recently when-" his eyes widened and he cut himself off. Logan smirked, opening a cabinet and grabbing a few plates.

"When both of you guys started crushing on me?" Logan gained a sudden burst of confidence, but he didn't face Roman to see his shocked face, he just continued preparing sandwiches and cookies for the two boys upstairs.

"I-uh..who said that?" Roman swallowed, his face quite red.

"The fact that both of you are extremely obvious and gay. Just so you know, you're cute too, Roman."

Roman was blushing, and there were a few moments of silence. "So..theoretically speaking, if all four of us were interested, would you be open to going out?"

"What do you mean?" Roman questioned.

Logan began spreading jelly on a slice of bread, "Like, a date. All four of us, we can go somewhere," he suggested. Roman was squealing inside of his head.

"If the other two are up for it, I'm definitely not against the idea. H-have you spoken to Patton about this?" Roman came close to Logan,leaning against the counter while he cut a sandwich into triangles, setting it on the dinosaur themed plate.

"Yeah, obviously. He likes you, and his old feeling for Virgil are coming back. They're best friends, but he's interested in something more. I think, we all should get to know each other, hmm?"

Roman nodded. "Is Virgil allowed to have chocolate chip cookies?" Logan asked, "I always make sure to give Patton a main thing, and then a cookie if he eats all of it."

Roman just nodded again, watching Logan set two cookies in between the sandwich slices, moving on to grab a bowl to make something for Patton. He settled on ouring a bag of chips for him and Roman, and prepared a similar plate to Virgil for Patton. "When Virgil's big, I'm sure Patton will offer the date-idea. I'm glad you're open to it," Logan smiled, making eye contact with Roman.

It wasn't uncomfortable though, both men smiled at each other. Roman felt something going off in his head, telling him this was wrong. That he was cheating on Vee somehow, but he had made sure to make it clear to Virgil that he was interested in Logan. They agreed that if there were any moves pulled, or they got the chance to do something, then they should go for it. Roman had full permission to do what he thought Logan was gonna do first.

"Patton's okay with this, right?" Roman mumbled, realizing their faces were closer now. When did they lean in?

Logan nodded, "Virgil, too?"

Roman nodded. And then they kissed. It was quick, sweet, and soft. It made both boys smile widely when they pulled away. Logan was the first to break eye contact, making a light coughing sound before handing Roman the bowl of chips. "We can do more of that on that date I mentioned," he said, causing Roman to blush lightly at the thought as he picked up the two plates.

Logan and Roman made a silent agreement to pretend the kiss didn't happen until Virgil was big and they could all talk about it.

But internally, both men were looking forward to the theoretical date. And not just for each other, Roman might've been originally attracted to Logan, but he found himself slowly crushing on Patton. Even when big, he was quite adorable, and Roman wanted to do nothing less than pull the precious boy into a hug and kiss him softly. And Logan? Logan wanted to hold Virgil close and whisper his worries away.

These idiots were all slowly falling for each other. Only time would tell how they would finally get together.

A/N: THE KISS WASN’T PLANNED OOPS, it just popped in my head and all I remember was ten minutes of keyboard clicking and suddenly I had written the gayest scene ever. I’m trying my best to not only focus on the agere aspect, but also the romance, these first chapters will continue to be romance-based until they all get together officially. after that, more agere stuff will ensue. Until then, enjoy they four disasters quickly falling for each other. also this is about 2500 words

Tag list: @stimmingsides @smollilsanderssides @novacloudcat @analogical-agere @fairyhuman2000 @aphandgflover@softastarlight @littlesapphygem @softflowerinmyheart @virgietheprincess @babeyalstar @b3an-spr0ut @babeyvoid @lgbtqiaemo @because-were-fam-ily @lonelysoul43

I’m still figuring out this taglist stuff, so if you want added then lmk (ask, messages). I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!

[softlygentlymine]

Compersion & Spirals

Compersion. I’ve understood its definition for a while, and even felt it at times. Being confronted with it at the happiest moment of a friend's life is absolutely wonderful. This weekend I attended a Birthday party for Shifter’s long-term partner, we’ll call her Macaron, who we haved played with in a foursome. It’s the first time we had been introduced to their respective families, which was really special. What was more significant, was the advance notice that this wouldn’t just be a Birthday party, it was also going to be a surprise wedding.

～

About a week ago, or so, I had been messaging Shifter, explaining that Firestorm and I had been discussing polyamory more seriously. I explained to Shifter about wanting to explore that option with him, to ask if the door was open. He did say it was, but I didn’t get the impression it was a discussion that he’d been able to fully explore with Macaron. Ethical Non-Monogamy is one thing, Polyamory - feelings - is a lot messier in its nature, which not everyone can understand. It didn’t come to much of a surprise to receive the following message:

“[Macaron] and I have been chatting on the poly subject again. And she has cold feet about it and would like to keep it just sexy time fun for the time being. I’m sorry to have gotten your hopes up. But when the reality of it set in to [Macaron]. She questioned her ability to manage it. And I will always side with what she says.  Again. I’m so sorry”

It’s more than disappointing, and I tried my best not to feel too let down by the outcome. I tried to explain the feelings I am processing to Firestorm, to keep communicating how I am feeling, and to help him understand my reaction to other relationships as the bloom and wither.

“That's perfectly fine, I totally respect her concerns and am happy to oblige. There's no issues from me on that ”

“Yay.

I feel bad.”

“It's more important to love your wife in a way that respects her. I enjoy our time, and am open if she changes her mind, but respect her decision and will treat it as final ”

I think I handled the rejection well, and although I was not in love, it still hurts to cut short any potential romantic relationship.*

～

Cut back to the surprise wedding, we arrived as per the invitation, which was quite early as far as the festivities went. This meant that we arrived and met the Bride and Groom before most of their own friends and family had a chance to turn up. Seeing him in person after 2 months apart, it was amazing how the electricity returned, I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. It’s odd, because objectively he isn’t the most handsome man around, neither is he the fittest. There is a sweetness to his smile, and a depth of honesty in his eyes.**

Knowing this was a special day for the happy couple, I had already resolved to be demure, polite, and interact in a way that suited their introduction of us. I did not want to bring dishonour to their union in front of their families, what we share as consenting adults is none of their business. Just because I would like to behave differently with those I build a relationship with, doesn’t mean they would.

The afternoon passed somewhat quietly, being isolated with Firestorm and his children from the rest of the attendees, it taught me a lot of lessons around guest seating and structure of the event for keeping their interest. I am extremely grateful for the privilege of attending, as it means there are key elements I will try harder to ensure are completed for our wedding.

Keeping with their intent to break tradition, the bride and groom pulled up to the seating area in the same car, a lot of sentimental value attached to the ‘chariot’. The happiness was evident on both their faces, and I felt support, cherishment and love towards them as they walked down the ‘aisle’ together.

It wasn’t glamorous, but it was meaningful. Seeing the culmination of 15 years of life together, 14 years of engagement, was something so incredibly special to be a part of. It made me yearn for my own day later this year. It helped affirm my desire for meaningful connections, with my fiancé, and others who will come into my life.

Seeing Shifter and Macaron in their little bubble of disbelief that they actually completed their intention to marry from so many years ago was interesting. I’ve thought often about the significance of marriage, and that whilst it might not be necessary in the modern era to make the legal commitment, there is a declarative nature to it that I want to take part in. I also think through the injustice of the system itself, restricting the nature of marriage to only two people. The historical frame of monogamous culture restricting the rights and societal recognition of non-monogamous relationship structures is so wrong in my view, I wish there was more I could do to change this.

We left early due to Firestorm wanting to keep a regular bedtime for his children, but I dearly wish we had stayed longer, if only to gaze across the room and celebrate the happy couple. I am looking forward to the shoe being on the other foot, and shining as a bride in my own stead. Before my engagement, I had never fantasized about the big wedding scenario, and yet the closer I get to mine, the more I look forward to it.

～

We are looking at purchasing our first home together. I’ll skip the financial rabbit-hole, and instead focus on how weird it is that this might actually happen. Our personal debts are not perfect, but there is hope that we might be approved and can begin the purchasing process. I’ve been filled with such a nervous energy. Firestorm has been calling the people who can make this happen. Hoping that the outcome of judgement is favourable to making our future a reality.

The location is interesting, as we have chosen to purchase significantly far away from the locations at which we both work. For the compromise in location, we succeed in value of the actual property offering. Better conditions of building, land size and keeping the price well within our budget. There is also the benefit of being nearer to Shifter and Macaron, just the other side of town.

I’m a little conflicted, because I have such a strong attraction to Shifter, and whilst that makes me more comfortable with the decision to purchase a property so far away, it’s not a factor I can rely on to guide my rational decision making. I will enjoy their friendship, but am unable to expect more emotional commitment.

The property comes at a time where we need our own privacy, our own space. We have spoken about it for some time now, and I really think that in the next twelve months we will start trying to fall pregnant. That’s a super intimidating challenge, partially for the life altering, no take-backs consequence of bringing a child into the relationship, and partially because it’s been a discussion for a number of years that I wasn’t ready. I didn’t even know if I wanted children for such a long time. It has absolutely helped having a partner who is so domestically inclined, I feel a sense of safety, that I will have someone who cares enough to be completely hands on with child rearing.

～

*Spiral: This feels like all I’m good for some days, a quick lust, a fuck, and sent on my way because I’m not valuable enough to want more from. The difference between Shifter and Crowns (the married man who has pursued me at work) is that I can sense there is a reciprocal emotion with Shifter, and that he’s honouring the commitment to his wife, Macaron, to value her before all others. We still have an open door to playtime as well. I feel sad, but respectful of the decision he has made, and the promise he is keeping to her.

With Crowns...there has been a blatant sexual interest, a retraction and then lust that disobeyed his wife’s requests. I have reason to doubt that there was ever any discussion with her. I could never totally regret my interactions with Crown, as challenging monogamy with Firestorm has led to enough self-awareness and recognition that my desire for established romantic relationships is not unreasonable. It has led to more self-love and actually asking for the kinds of relationships I want, rather than taking the meager offering they wanted to give me. It doesn’t mean that I will accept his advances when honesty is not his first motivation.

Crowns has been frustrating to manage expectations with. A lot of the initial expectation was crushed quickly, and I had thought that would be the end of the discussion. Then, he didn’t let go so easily. I felt caught between leading him on, and genuinely enjoying the company he presented. Conversation always lulled if I didn’t continue the expectation of sexual interest. I felt disappointed that I didn’t warrant more respect. The shadow of interest hadn’t dissipated, but he never crossed the line between wanting me, and actually getting to know me. It left me sad after interactions, and devalued my self-worth. I have come through those emotions to recognize I am worth more than that. I want more than that.

～

**Spiral 2: Shifter is out of my reach emotionally, but the look I received from him at the wedding was so heated, I was filled with want. It was a promise of more, a promise of sexual satisfaction, and the honour of his genuine desire for my interaction. I may not be able to enjoy the significance of a romantic relationship, but there is a kindness, a caring and an ethical component to his non-monogamous practice. It also helps that he identifies as polyamorous, so I feel a kinship of understanding.

And even going through my own thoughts, there remains an undercurrent of sadness that he is removed from my potential romantic partners. I really thought there might be something there worth exploring. It’s scary putting yourself out there to people, hoping that they’ll be able to love you. It’s also difficult recognizing kin, and having the frame of romantic monogamy limit your natural inclination to fall in love. I want to fall in love and be loved. I don’t need to spend every day in their pocket, but to acknowledge that the time we spend together will be valuable and sacred.