#the power of human connection blah blah blah but also it’s kind of true

[clandestinegardenias]

Y’all I had my friend date and it went REALLY well I’m gonna cry??

Idk I just feel really emotional about being brave and putting myself out there and being met gently with curiosity and kindness. Friendship is magic, whatever, I’m fine

[buckybarnesthings]

Introductions (first impressions are everything)

Well I never thought I'd be here riding the elevator up the Avengers tower where some of the team waits to meet me. When I say some I mean the ones who were happy to be getting a new team member. It seems that the announcement of my arrival wasn't as warmly welcomed as Fury thought it would have been. I guess a witch who is known for dabbling in dark magic isn't exactly what some people had in mind as a teammate.

At least I have Wanda who's been so warm and forthcoming with me about how excited she was to have another enhanced witch on the team. She's been amazing to train with but I'm a little annoyed that people underestimate my abilities when it comes to magic as Fury thought I was unstable and hadn't used the full range of my powers, which is kinda true, but there's a lot no one knows about me yet. Despite the not so obvious disdain of my teammates I'm excited to move forward and make amends for everything I've done during my time at Hydra. It still haunts me every now and again lingering in the deepest depths of my brain.

"Hey, are you ok? You seem lost in thought there." Wanda asks, breaking my momentary silence and placing a hand on my upper arm as a form of comfort.

"Yeah I'm just really nervous if I'm being completely honest." I say, laughing nervously shaking her hand off me. She gives me a reassuring smile and we both go back to our own thoughts.

I'm not quite ready for physical contact with others unless we're training or in battle. I've never been one for human contact on any level, I much prefer the company of animals which brings me to my first question about the new living arrangements at the Avengers compound. Can Hades live with me, Hades is my companion he's a black wolf I found during my entrapment at Hydra. He was a pup shivering out in the freezing climates and his mother had abandoned him, so on the odd occasions I got to be outside I'd bring him food and nurture him. Eventually we built a strong bond and he would give anything to protect me, as I would him. I don't tell people he's a wolf as they tend to go ballistic that he's a wild ferocious beast blah blah blah, so if anyone asks he's a husky.

I was fortunate that Fury's wife is a fellow animal lover and was happy to keep him with them even though I couldn't leave SHIELD during my mentoring and rehabilitation as they called it. She was slightly alarmed when I told her he only eats live animals but I told her that he will scavenge for his prey and she wouldn't need to provide for him. He is a solitary animal outside of our connection, hiding away from civilians and wondering eyes.

I'm once again brought out of my thoughts by the elevator coming to a stop, Wanda ushers me out and directs me to a meeting room where I spot Fury and Coulson standing at the other end of the table facing the door way, they seem to be debriefing those who turned up to greet me. As Wanda opens the doors all chairs and heads turn to us. Stopping all conversation.

"There she is, team this is Aspyn Davis she's 22 years old and is your newest recruit, as we've already discussed she's known as The Grey Witch and has abilities similar to Wanda and upon lab results we've found the super soldier serum running through her veils as well." Fury states.

"She's shown amazing progress towards rehabilitation and her training alongside Wanda. She still hasn't disclosed her past with us but we've found files from previous RECON missions that she was taken by Hydra at some point." Coulson adds, looking at me with dismay.

"She's also standing right here. Yes I'm Aspyn and to most of your disbelief I do actually mean well and want to help rid the world of Hydra and other similar organisations. Yes my magic can be dark but it's also light and I don't appreciate being labeled as evil before you take the time to get to know me." I argue, receiving a few looks of kindness and understanding.

"See I told you she was badass, Nat." Wanda exclaims.

"Well I can't speak on behalf of the entire team as some are apprehensive about your arrival to say the least but I think you'll be a wonderful addition. I'm Natasha or black widow but you can call me Nat, it's so good to have another girl on the team." Nat shares, a warm smile gracing her features.

"I'm Ironman, you can call me Tony. Welcome to the team, I'm sorry to rush off but I've got to go to another conference but please introduce yourself to the team and when I get back we can talk and get you settled into the compound." Tony states, hurriedly grabbing his belongings and rushing out of the room before I could say anything.

"I'm Captain America, call me Steve." Steve says, apprehension tainting his smile.

"Hi it's wonderful to finally meet you. I'm Peter Parker, my superhero name is Spider-Man but nobody outside the team or SHIELD know that." Peter said, he seems young and very enthusiastic.

"I'm Bruce." Bruce states, I know who he is out on the battlefield but I also know he isn't fond of his alter ego so I don't press for a comment there.

We go around the table like that for the next few minutes, people just introducing themselves whilst I simply nod and take in the names and faces. In the room is Rhodey, Pietro and Vision, all of which seem nice enough and I've already put an alert in my head to stay clear of Pietro as he seems extremely flirty and I'm not interested in breaking any rules yet.

"This is most of the team, obviously the Wakandans aren't here but you'll meet them soon enough but some of the others may avoid you as they didn't really agree to a new recruit. You're still yet to meet Sam aka Falcon, Bucky aka the winter soldier, Thor, Clint aka Hawkeye, the guardians, Carol Denvers, Doctor Strange, Wong and Scott aka Ant-Man. I may have forgotten a few other but they tend to do missions as per request and don't really hang around much. One of us will always be nearby to introduce you to anyone you don't already know. But I'll leave it to Tony to give you the formal run down and get you settled in when he gets back. Is there anything you want to know before we head off?" The Captain queries.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"To the compound where most of us live together, some of the others are there at the moment so you may see them but otherwise it's best to assume they don't want to meet you yet." He explains, remorse filling his voice when explaining some people don't want me here.

"I assumed I wouldn't be instantly welcomed and I intend on proving myself to anyone but I won't accomodate their feelings of disdain at my presence." I address.

"That's understandable I've told them they should judge you based on your file or lack of one." He expressed.

"Putting all of that aside I do have a few questions about these living arrangements." I start. "Am I bound to the compound or can I come and go as I please? Are we allowed to have animals?" I continued.

"As per SHIELD's request you can leave the compound as you aren't a prisoner but you will have to be chaperoned by another Avenger for the first few months. About animals you are allowed to keep them on the compound but their your responsibility to take care of and are expected to be kept in your room depending on the animal or reason for having them. Bucky has a white cat named Alpine that you'll see anywhere he is and she's friendly but tends to stick to him. Why what animal do you have?" Steve asked.

"I have Hades he's a black..." I began, hesitant to tell the usual lie as I don't want to get off on the wrong foot so soon. "Admittedly he's a wolf that I raised from pup during my time at Hydra but he's loyal to me and will do as I command. He is a solitary animal and will keep to my room as wherever he is allowed to roam but he hunts live prey, so I may need to introduce him to Alpine so he doesn't hunt her."

"Hold on a minute you told me he was a husky!" Fury exclaimed, rage crossing his face before being replaced with a grimace.

"I'm sorry but I didn't think you'd let me keep him if you knew he was a wild wolf." I said honestly.

"Well thank you for being open and honest with us about his true nature." Nat thanked, a soft smile reassured me I had made the right choice.

"I'll talk to Bucky but he may not agree right away and may be against Hades staying in the compound." Steve admitted.

"Look he's a big part of me and I'd rather keep him close for my benefit and his own, I don't believe he would hurt the cat but it's a risk I'm not willing to take." I shared.

They all shared a look of sadness as they seemingly spoke to each other with their eyes. I'm guessing this Bucky character doesn't like me or want me joining the team but that's ok after reading his file and coming face-to-face with the winter soldier I understand his mistrust and I'm willing to give him the space and leeway he deserves.

The rest of the afternoon went by with the chatter of my arrival spread across the room I had a few individuals happy to get to know me better asking generic questions about my likes and dislikes. Nobody wanted to ask about my past to which I'm more than grateful as it's not something I'm willing to disclose. At about 5:30pm Steve announced he'd received a message from Tony asking us to meet him at the compound as the conference ran over. So they all went their seperate ways into their own vehicles and nobody spared me a glance so I was left in the reception area racking my brain for how I'll get to this compound that I can't locate. Until I felt a presence behind me and spun to find Wanda and Natasha walking out of the elevator.

"Ah they've done their typical male thing." Nat stated as if it were obvious.

"Sorry I'm I supposed to know what that means?" I asked.

"Oh you'll come to learn that the men on the team, minus a couple, tend to over look these things, such as forgetting you're new and probably don't have your own vehicle or directions to the compound." Wanda explains. "Don't worry you either get used to it or you prepare for their forgetfulness."

"Typical males." I scorn, rolling my eyes.

"Don't worry once you get to know the rest of the team you'll find the good ones are always happy to help." Nat adds.

"And who might I categorise as 'the good ones'?" I press, wondering if there's such a thing in a world full of egotistical superheroes.

"Well Scott who was mentioned earlier is nice and he's considerate, Sam is but he tends to come off like the rest, Thor is just a big goofball and then there Bucky and let me tell you his Mama raised him right." Wanda shared, believe me I know one of them is harmless after my history with him.

"Well it seems like one of them may not like me already." I stated.

"Look if you're talking about Bucky he means no harm, he's quiet and keeps to himself unless Steve is around. He may come off as grumpy but he'll warm up-to you after a while. Actually from what I know he's actually your neighbour on level 3, I think it's just you and him on that level as the rest of us that stay there are on level 5." Nat expressed, a soft expression on her face.

"Well thank you for the heads up I have no intention of confronting him or anything but I would like to get to know him as I would with all my other teammates." I said, honestly I really would like to see if he recognises me or not.

"We'll come on the car has just pulled up and we've got a fair drive ahead of us so let's get a move on." Wanda encouraged.

So far I really do like Natasha she's been very kind to me and seems interested in getting to know me not the superhero the world will get to see.

"Oh by the way Tony will probably go through this with you but since the whole accords thing we have had to keep a good social profile and we have team social media platforms that we post stuff on frequently. I don't know if you have have a phone or anything but I just thought I'd tell you that from here on your social media will be strictly monitored by our social manager who gives the approval for anything you post." Nat says.

"Yeah I appreciate that but I don't have a phone or any intention of getting one for personal use." I laughed, I find phones reclusive as it encourages assault in the online domain and lets the wrong people have an opinion.

"Well sorry Aspyn but Tony will definitely have a phone ready to go for you with the expectation that you use it to contact us at most occasions. Also on top of what Nat was saying you'll have to maintain a public profile by going to formal events and special occasions or parties." Wanda said.

I simply just nodded at that as I assumed there would be some nonnegotiable conditions for being an Avenger. I wouldn't mind having a phone but I won't use it for anything outside communication with other Avengers, even then I'd rather find them and speak in person.

The rest of the car ride was quiet except the occasional moments a conversation would appear like when they thought of something to share with me. Otherwise I was happy looking at the window gathering my thoughts. I need to remind myself sometimes that I have to speak with people and start the conversation myself otherwise they may mistake my silence for something else entirely.

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Words: 2484

(Not proofed)

A/N- thank you so much for reading this first chapter, I'm hoping to make this into a three part series and I have big plans for where this story will go. In the next one we will get to meet some of the other Avengers Aspyn will be living with and conflict may ensue but something else may begin to blossom as well. I don't have a strict schedule for posting yet but I'm hoping every two-three days if not daily. Let me know what you think so far and tell me what you want to see happen.

[iamumbra195]

This would actually be a really cool rewrite and a really cool way to fully flesh out the story while also giving it an interesting end. I like the change in Yhwach's motivation, the deal he made with Yamamoto. It makes it more compelling and also kinda makes Ichigo's powers less Gary Sue-esque, I guess. Him having a part of Hogyoku, a part of the Soul King within him, thus stabalizing his soul when he was a child because I'm pretty they said somewhere that he should've been torn in the womb for being a hybrid mess of Shinigami-Hollow-Quincy-Human. His powers kind of being sealed so he could a human was Kisuke's wish for Hogyoku so it did that but over time, Ichigo grew stronger and more aware of spirits.

Rukia and the Hogyoku Aizen planted inside her kickstarting his powers makes their whole friendship way more awesome as well because they're actually connected in a spiritual way. It makes Aizen and Ichigo's final fight more impactful-- the two halves of the Hogyoku fighting

Ichigo sealing his own powers away after Aizen is gones but slowly getting them back. Ginjo hearing about him and his powers and becoming interested. He wants to steal the Hogyoku in Ichigo but ends up only stealing a portion of it. Ichigo, believing that he had now lost his powers indirectly sealed them once more and Rukia comes back to kickstart it once more because even if the half of the hogyoku that had been in her is gone, some of it's reiatsu lingered and that came through in their connection along with all the other captains reiatsu

Ichigo gets his powers back and blah blah blah but rather than Ginjo training Ichigo and all that shit, it's more of Orihime and Chad's arc where he only joined because he was unwilling to leave them to this weird shady guy that wouldn't leave him the fuck alone

The whole thing about the zero squad and Yhwach using Ichigo to find where them and the Soul King were hidden is a really cool idea as well

Having the Soul King actually have a consciousness rather than being sealed away in an orb and a mutilated body kinda sounds like a cool idea too. Him making the conditions of the SS better (especially for RUKONGAI, yes I'm fucking bitter about that)

I'd be content with that sort of ending but if you wanna include the hell arc you can still do all the same shit as canon cause I'm pretty sure it was stated in one of the light novels that the Soul King didn't do anything to Hell beyond closing the gates

But in comes Kazui the even weirder hybrid. Who apparently sends innocent souls to hell behind his parents back??

But whatever. Yk those creepy hollows from hell that we saw in the No Breathes From Hell one shot? Yeah, I want Orihime's mom to have been attacked by one of those guys and that's how she became a fullbring. Yes, I'm doing that because my girl deserves actual screen time and some explaination on how exactly she became a fullbring just from proximity to Ichigo's reiatsu. If that was true, Tatsuki, Mizuiro, and Keigo should've gotten powers as well.

Anyways so some weird soul/genetic bullshit happened and Kazui, rather than having similar hollow powers to his dad, is a Shinigami-Hell Hollow-Quincy-Human (Fullbring I guess??) hybrid.

That's why he can open the gates of hell the way he did.

Also him taking a part of the Hogyoku from Ichigo in order for his soul to be stabalized

(Wow, the Kurosaki line is so fucked up when you think about it. If Kazui and Ichika are a thing like Kubo was hinting at, the soul situation of their offspring would be so fucking weird)

Anyways back to what I was saying, whoever the antogonist of the Hell arc is probably manipulating the kid and teaching him some fucked up shit and that's why his parents seem to have no clue

I'm pretty sure Hell is said to be an actual entity so maybe it's using Kazui in order to upset the balance because he's sending souls to hell right? Idk why it would do that but it'll be like an army and all the dead captains, arrancar and quincy.... yikes, they'll be facing the original gotei and all the other dead captains and Kenpachis

Since Yhwach is kinda gone in this rewrite you wouldn't have Kazui absorbing/destroying/what ever he did to Yhwach's soul wouldn't happen

That concludes my rant

[xenosgirlvents]

Hey can I rant to you about how I find the mono-focus on the very much human dominated forces of Chaos as the real bad guy of 40k to be honestly even worse than the Imperiaal focus?  You know what I always wanted in 40k?  Lizardmen, Alien Ogres, Space Dwarfs, Skaven, and some Vampire Counts to the Necrons’ Tomb Kings.   In WHFB only three playable armies were human (five if you count the undead as human) and WHFB had a larger number of independent factions than 40k.   Meanwhile in 40k about half of all the armies in the game are Imperial and another large chunk are the equally insufferable legions of Chaos as the two factions circlejerk over who is the more racist and xenophobic.   While in FB you had the annoying emphasis on Chaos as the one true threat (which is increasingly being emphasised in 40k including the awful, awful retcons they want to do to the war in heaven where what was supposed to be the xenos equivalent to the horus heresy gets “akshually the real bad guy is chaos lawl” shoved into it), humanity was just a part of the struggle against it or other forces such as Undeath or the Greenskins.  Not even the biggest part, with the High Elves, Lizardmen, and Dwarfs all bearing more of the burden than the Empire or Bretonnia.   Meanwhile, while theoretically 40k is a setting where non-chaos bad guys are more relevant and more able to defeat Chaos and take over as the one; the non-humans actually do less.  Chaos is the only bad guy faction allowed to have permanent wins, to be undefeatable without any asterisks marks and whose fanboys (including GW’s writing team) love to endlessly circlejerk about how opposing Chaos is useless because they’ll get you in the end. And how 40k is really about humanity’s inevitably doomed succumbing to Chaos and how the Chaos Space Marines and Daemons are the destined victors and blah-de-blah.  Any time an effective counter to chaos is written about in any other faction’s lore; the Chaos favouratism gets to show with “akshually chaos overcomes this because phhbbbbbt” with eye-rolling descriptions of how Chaos overwhelms say; the Tyranid hive mind by scattering it with the great rift, or how the death guard can infect nurgle, or how actually Tzeentch only pretended to lose to the Eldar or how Slaanesh actually pulled a fast one over the T'au.   Nobody is allowed to be more of a threat than the Chaos Space Marines and Daemons even though the former are literally a bunch of spoiled paramilitary stormtroopers salty about the Emperor saying they weren’t allowed to rule over normal humanity like god-kings and the latter have lore that is fifty million variations of “lol inevitable victory”.  The Chaos Space Marines are so lacking in numbers, so incapable of large scale cooperation not riven with petty fratricidal personal rivalries, so bereft of a functional logistical train, and are lead by such an insufferable band of edgy cartoon villains that they should honestly be little more than a nuisance that the Imperium only focuses on because of their symbolic threat. An annoyance compared to the much more organised and vastly more numerous and far better at exponentially scaling up power of the Necrons, the Tyranids, or the Orks. One that is carrying out an empty, pointless rivalry sparked largely over a bunch of stormtroopers being furious about not being allowed to be kings.  Wouldn’t it be more thematically meaningful and fit better into the cosmic horror that 40k wants to be if Chaos was actually mostly a symbolic threat that would be ignorable if the Imperium wasn’t still spooked over what amounted to an attempted religiously motivated military coup ten thousand years ago and that ultimately; this petty rivalry doesn’t matter? That the bitter hatred over Horus’ coup ultimately is meaningless in the face of the fact that this galaxy, this universe, has never belonged to humanity or anything spawned of it?  Khorne may feed off the violence of humanity and many minor xenos species; but Gork and Mork are a far more pure form of warmongering and what we now know as the Greenskins are just the tip of the iceberg compared to what they can really do when the WAAAGH! gets rolling. Nurgle may be an infestation of humanity’s despair and inability to progress but the Tyranids are the cancer that will kill the universe itself. Tzeentch may be clever and ancient as the firstborn of Chaos; but the Necrons have plans stretching back to before even the very idea of Tzeentch came into being.   And of course, unlike the Dark Elves; the Druklhari aren’t really a major villain or threat. Vect is just kind of an asshole in his own little corner, not one of the top big bads the way Malekith was.  But nah instead we get CHAOSCHAOSCHAOSCHAOSCHAOS coupled with ADB and Reynolds’ bizarre (but in hindsight, given what we’re shown of Chaos; sensible) revelation that actually Chaos is even more racist than the Imperium.  It leads to 40k’s central conflict being between Satanist Ethnonationalist AnCaps and TradCath Ethnonationalist Reactionaries. Creepy bloodthirsty edgelords versus Roman bust twitter pfps.  None of the other villains are ever allowed to “usurp” Chaos’ place as “the real threat” and any time non-chaotic bad guys get a time to shine, the Chaos writers pitch a fit and force in awful reminders that Chaos is actually the real threat behind everything and can never ever lose.   It makes Chaos come off less as an interesting villain and more of a childish edgelord fantasy written by a bunch of kids who go “nuh uh!” everytime they take the L or insinuate that spikelord edgy mcgee is anything less than the coolest bad guy ever made.  The fandom makes fun of Abaddon because he textually hasn’t really done much in thirteen tries? Well actually retcon in some outlandishly complicated super duper secret plan so that he and his army of *checks notes* less than one million racist storm troopers in ancap colours are actually totally the greatest threat in the setting and not the vastly more organised Tyranids or more tactically competent Necrons or the more numerous Orks.  People still make fun of abaddon because he looks like a goofy mook rather than an awesome overlord (at least Archaon looks like someone you’d immediately figure for as the big bad of a setting; Abaddon looks more like…the real bad guy’s stupid but strong brute muscle enforcer)? Have an entire novel series written to squee about how awesome and cool he is which literally none of the other “big bad” factions’ primary characters have ever gotten.   Also I am sick to death of how GW pushes Khorne as the unbeatable poster bad boy of the entire setting over and above even the rest of Chaos. Yeah his aesthetic is simple, marketable, and he’s incredibly easy to write into plots (even if I think there’s never been more interesting takes on Khorne where he’s shown as actually capable of cleverness in the pursuit of maximising mindless death and destruction as we see in Dawn of War 1 and Dawn of War 2 Retribution; where the Khornate villains have an impressively clever scheme even if the end goal is just “kill people”) and you can explain his concept to anyone.  Please stop trying to throw him into literally everything and let other bad guys have even a little bit of spotlight.   Octarius and Armageddon? Khorne crashes the party. Tzeentch threatens Luna? Well akshually Khorne invades Terra, take that nerds.  Where does Khorne even get all these worshippers to yeet themselves into every warzone in existence when he probably offers the least to his followers that most people would want? 

So on some points I agree with you, others I disagree, and in some places I understand the general feeling you’re conveying but am not quite so vitriolic.

Yes; I wish 40k as a setting was more akin to WHFB and AoS in that it permitted more factions to matter. 40k is, I agree, so myopic in it’s focus that it becomes frustrating. If the other factions weren’t playable I would understand, certainly, but if you’re going to offer players a chance to invest in the Xenos factions but then just never give them any return on that investment it feels like nothing more than lying to people.

Similarly; I also wish we saw more of a non-Human (and even then more of a non-Chaos Space Marine) component to Chaos. I find it hard to take Chaos seriously as a universal force when, over their supposedly non-linear/infinite period of existence they seem to never have done anything other than obsess over one species who, compared to the majority of other playable species in the game, have been around insanely briefly.

Yes; I do agree that I wish at times Chaos wasn’t used to usurp Xenos threats just to pull the old ‘but Chaos was the true villain all along’, see what you mention about the Hive Mind and the Great Rift, about Chaos usurping Orks on Armageddon etc. etc.

However, I disagree that Chaos is remotely as irritatingly favoured in the lore as the Imperium. Yes, it is true, that it is not infrequently written in vague terms that ‘you are all doomed, Chaos comes for you,’ but, in the majority of cases, this is purely informed, never shown. It is akin to the lines that tell us ‘Aeldari are so smart and elite,’ but then we just get shown them being curbstomped over and over again. We’re ‘told’ Chaos is some great looming threat which will win...but in practise they do only mildly better than Xenos in the lore, with Chaos losing the vast majority of everything they ever do in the lore, just like Xenos. I will admit Chaos has, lately, done *marginally* better in the lore, and that is definitely connected, as you say, to the active focus to make Chaos the ‘big bad’ now, but it is still only marginal.

I do agree that I would prefer not to see Chaos made to eclipse all other threats but my main motivation here is just because in 40k, as you point out, Chaos is never separated from the Imperium. In WHFB and AoS Chaos can take on a plurality of forms and is not just a ‘spikier’ version of the main human faction. For this reason the recent feeling I have had is just that 40k is increasingly becoming a clone of the Horus Heresy which, as someone who likes Xenos, is obviously a disappointment.

I don’t share your very strong disdain for Chaos. For the most part, in 40k’s lore, I feel Chaos is largely akin to Xenos in that we’re all glorified punching bags for Space Marines (you yourself point out Abaddon’s memetic loser status). I concede Chaos does *marginally* better but, at current, that is so inconsequential to me that it doesn’t bother me anywhere near as much as the treatment of Xenos vis-a-vise the Imperium.

My personal take is I think the favouritism as an antagonist, shown to Chaos, is less detrimental to the cause of Xenos agency in the lore than the raging boner GW and BL have for the Imperium and, in particular Space Marines. 

I also, in general, think Chaos would benefit from being developed in a more nuanced way. I don’t see them quite as cardboard-cut out as you seem too (not denying many are because BL and GW can’t write non-Imperium characters well mostly) but I think many of them have, and to an extent do also, get treated more nuanced in some of the literature. I do think a big failing here is that Black Library has made *some* efforts to make *some* of the Chaos characters interesting and nuanced but, for some reason, GW tends to just ignore this. Hence Magnus can in his own novels be portrayed as sympathetic due to his loyalty to his people and desire to not persecute Psykers, but then when appearing in a campaign supplement just makes the stock-generic ‘bow before me mortals/I am your doom/all shall fall’ comments with little to no character.

Personally, and this is recognizing as I said above that I do understand some of the points you’re making, I feel like Chaos players and Xenos players, in terms of the lore treating us like crap, have more in common than not. But, again, that’s just my personal opinion! 

[witchygalaxys]

Another Isekai story idea

Alright! I love coming up with ideas and sharing them.... So here is another one!

So! Its another isekai story idea where some one is reborn as the villianous. But in this story nothing is as it seems. This is an updated version of one of the other story ideas I've had. Im going to delete that one and keep this one here.

It starts off with a girl who died in our world. A girl who has been beaten and betrayed more times then she can count. She is chased onto the roof of a building by her long time stalker. For context her stalker is a very high profile person. Some one that people believed could do no wrong. When ever she went some where for help no one believed she was in danger and would refuse to help her.

When they are on the roof the girl.... let's name her.... Fiona! Fiona is backed up against the ledge. Her stalker has her at gun point and goes on a rant about how they belong together and blah blah blah. Fiona begins to agree with him and he walks up to her to hug her. When they embrace Fiona grabs onto him tightly and throws them both off the side of the building. Both killed on impact.

When Fiona wakes up she is hovering in darkness watching the world talk about her death. The news calling her the crazed stalker. Her grave being desecrated by his fans and people who knew him.

Rage filled her heart and tears filled her eyes. Saying... "even though I'm the one who killed him.... he still wins...."

A voice came out from the darkness. Whispering in her ear "every story has its hidden secrets." A monster appeared infront of her so terrifying and hideous the only thing that would come to ones mind when seeing it is that its the devil.

The devil circles her saying how its a shame how she died and that even in death that she gets no peace. He offers to give her a 2nd chance in return for a price.

Fiona listens to him and asks for details.

The devil asks her if she has read the book "A diamond in the rough." Fiona says yes and that it was her favorite book. Because the villianous gets what she had coming and the main character gets to be happy and becomes queen, that she felt a connection to the main character. And that Fiona had always hoped that's how her story would end

The devil sighs saying how that book is full of lies. That Fiona has more in common with the villianous then she had thought.

In a flash they are suddenly hovering above a torture room. Below them is the villianous Ophelia Solaris. She is bruised all over and her legs are clearly broken. Her small silk night dress ripped and covered in dirt. Her eye swollen shut. Her wrists are chained to the wall. Fiona and the devil watch as the heroine Dia Cresent walked in with a cloak around her.

You could clearly see the rage in Ophelias one good eye. Dia who was sweet and shy in the story grabbed Ophelia by the hair and lifted her head up. Smiling with such pleasure. The entire time she mumbled. "Mine, mine mine mine. You are finally mine! No one else can have you now! Even if you escaped no one would take you! You can never leave me now!" It became clear that Dia was a hard core sadist and even though she had a harem of men and even married the prince. She only had one love. Ophelia the villianous.

Fiona asks the devil why he is showing her this. And how he is showing her this. These are characters from a book so it can't be real. But it was indeed real. The devil explained that the story in the book is not just a story. Its an entirely different world. A world that he watches over and that he had created centuries ago. God has his world and the devil has his own. (This isn't your basic Christian story or anything.) The devil explains that there are special people that are able to see into other worlds. That the author of the story was one of those people. But the author only saw the surface level. That Dia was able to fools those she didn't even know were watching.

A while later Dia left Ophelias jail cell. Ophelia began to cry and scream. Praying for vengeance and freedom.

The devil looks at Fiona and says "this will be your price." He explains how he listens to the prayers of the people. And he heard Ophelias cries and saw how she was wronged and vowed to help her by taking her soul and letting it be reborn into some one new. But he needs a new soul to give her vengeance and she can not be reborn until she is avenged. He tells Fiona that he will put her into Ophelias body back when she was 12 years old. (She is 26 now.) And that it is up to her to get vengance for Ophelia as Ophelia.

Fiona asks what she would get in return for doing this. The devil says "You will also get the vengance you have been craving for." The devil says that God has been interfering in his world and had helped Dia get to where she is today. And while the devil has pulled Fiona out for a chance to live in his world. God has taken her stalker and had him be reborn in this world as well. To be one of his faithful servants. God has created churches to be against the devil even though it is his world. The church has killed many innocent creatures in the name of the lord and wishes for this to end.

The devil tells Fiona. "You are not simply another deal I plan on making. I am having you become my champion." The devil then shows the secrets about Ophilia that have been hidden. That Ophilia had a natural gift for magic and was very powerful. But due to Dia's influence she was never able to practice her skill and hone it. Dia was not a simple human eaither. She was a mage. (I love this idea of Mages being a different species than humans. If you read any of my other story ideas you might see it a lot in them. Mages are beings of pure magic. Humans can only use a certain amount of magic before they need to recharge. While mages are magic so they never need to recharge. The magic in them also stops them from aging when they reach the age of 23. While humans need to take extra steps in doing magic. Mages just need to wave their hand and its done. Although the strength of there magic is like a Muscle. It needs to be trained to get stronger.)

Ophelia is a mage on her dead mothers side. When her mother died her father a duke took her in. But due to Ophelia being the product of an affair she is shunned by her new family. Her step mother abuses her when ever she gets the chance. Her older half brother despises her. Her father does not seem to care for her. But her younger half brother by 3 years loves and adores her.

The family shunned Ophelia and sent her to live on a very large but broken estate surrounded by monster filled woods. This estate was given to her at the age of 7 for her to manage. Saying how it will show her how to overcome adversity. The mansion was falling apart and her servants were almost all spies and abused her as well. Eventually Ophelia learned to get angry and would beat those who bullied her. Only to have word of it get out. Ophelia was then set to marry the prince of the kingdom. Ophelia was madly in love with the prince but the prince didn't care for her and only cared for Dia.

Ophelia tried to avoid Dia out of fear of doing something foolish. But no matter where she seemed to go Dia was there. Simple accidents made it look like Ophelia was bullying Dia and she would be punished. Dia had a harem of men around her. Including Ophelias older brother and the prince. They constantly were making sure the world knew what kind of person Ophelia was. Even if they were all lies. The only reason the prince wants to marry Ophelia is to have the support and resources that Ophelias family possess. Even thou Ophelia gets disowned the father agrees to give her back her title if she is to marry royalty.

The devil shows Fiona all of the secrets of Ophelias life. That when Ophelia was finally set to be killed only 2 people tried to save her. Her younger brother Leo. And Dias younger twin sister Opal. Those are the only two people who would stand up for poor Ophelia. Even when Ophelia was cruel to them.

Fiona watched Ophelias true life and felt for her. She then looked to the devil and agreed to his price. The devil smiled and said that is not all. He says that Ophelia being a mage will make it so she will not age. But she can be killed. And if Fiona is killed before she can get vengeance on not just her Stalker but on Dia, Fiona will be pulled into hell to suffer for eternity. And even if she doesn't die she will never age and live for as long as she isn't killed which in itself can be a burden. That and if she commits suicide she will be going to hell. But Fiona does gets 3 wishes for her new life as Ophelia. It can be anything from having a legendary wepoun to having a special ability. Fiona thinks it over for a moment and then agrees to the devils terms.

The devil asks her "what are your wishes."

Fiona says the ability to be the best fighter in the world. To be an unbeatable fighter and be a master in every fighting style.

Her 2nd wish is to be a brilliant strategist. To have the knowledge and class to take down an enemy with out even needing to hold a wepoun.

Her 3rd wish....... she asked to hold off on. That she would make her wish when the time is right.

After that Fiona wakes up in a very sick 12 year old Ophelia. Laying in bed with a high fever. All alone.

So thats my idea that I had in the middle of the night! I really like this idea. Even though Ophelia is now OP. She won't be able to walk up to Dia and simply kill her. Dia would die and be known as the innoccent angel that was killed by the evil Ophelia. Dia's sick nature needs to be shown to the world. So when she does die the world will say "good riddance." And even though Ophelia can fight like a master, her body is still just the body of a 12 year old girl who has no stamina. So she needs to work on not just her body but her magic as well. Ophelia already has so many enemies and she is only 12. The church, the prince, her own family, Dia, and her stalker from her past life. She has no idea who her Stalker was reborn as. For all she knows he is a newborn baby now or an old man.

[phoenix-downer]

Sora and Xehanort: The True King vs. The Pretender to the Throne

Sora fighting Xehanort in Scala ad Caelum was kind of like watching a king reclaim his throne from a pretender who caused nothing but havoc in ruin in the king’s absence. Credit to @rapis-razuri​ for first making the connection and then telling me about it.

Let’s back up a bit first, though. Verum Rex, the video game featured in Toy Box, means True King in Latin.

And while yes, this is no doubt a reference to Versus XIII, I also want to consider the idea of true kings in the context of KH3. 

Sora has his first confrontation with Xehanort in Toy Box (albeit Young Xehanort). The true king (Sora) goes up against the pretender (Xehanort), and Sora doesn’t even hesitate to attack him in a sequence that shows that no, Sora is not over what Xehanort tried to do to him in DDD...

...but unfortunately Xehanort manages to grab him...

...and casts him out/banishes him, i.e. throws him into the video game where the gigas are. 

Fourth wall? What fourth wall?

But Sora fights his way out and makes his way back to his friends... much like how later in the game, he is cast out of the realm of the living... 

...and then fights his way back to his friends and rescues them.

In San Fransokyo, Sora meets Xehanort again after he finds all his friends’ hearts... except Kairi’s.

Look how hostile he is right off the bat towards him:

He just glares at him even while Xehanort... tells the truth for once and warns him what’s going to happen to him?

Sora’s not having it though and is sure to sass him:

And Xehanort’s parting words are chilling:

And then Sora goes back to the Keyblade Graveyard and... well, we all know how things went from there.

Xehanort wants power, no matter what the cost... and he’ll sacrifice whatever it takes to get it. Including Kairi.

And by the time we get to Scala ad Caelum... there’s a marked change in Sora’s interactions with him. No more sass. No more discussion. Sora doesn’t take Xehanort’s BS at all.

Seriously, almost every time he looks at Xehanort, he’s glaring at him or regarding him with the contempt and disgust he deserves. This is the man who killed the girl he loves enough to become a Heartless for - and later on in this very game actually died for! - and it hits Sora where it hurts. Like a king losing his queen when the pretender tries to take over his throne, Kairi’s loss wounds Sora deeply.

And, of course... the game of chess isn’t over if the queen’s gone - the king must be captured for that to happen - but all the same, the king’s left a lot more vulnerable without her.

But, queen at his side or not, he still has to win and beat the guy who made his friends’ lives hell and has made his life hell, too.

His eyebrows are furrowed and he has his hand on his Keyblade, ready to fight:

Xehanort is dressed in goat/ram armor for one of the battles, and goats... well, they’re associated with the devil, among other things, so the parallel is very fitting here. Sora probably felt like he was fighting Satan at this point.

Shoutout to Donald for being equally disgusted/angry with him:

The sky starting to go dark reflects Sora’s mood pretty well here:

Sora just looks at him with utter loathing and disgust, which is such a huge change from his usual friendly/cheerful demeanor:

Even when he’s looking up at him it’s with his head pulled back to make himself look as big/tall as possible. In other words, he isn’t giving Xehanort any sort of deference because he never in a million years deserves it.

Donald and Goofy are equally pissed and it really shows:

Even when Sora’s surprised/unsure about what’s going on he’s still glaring and gritting his teeth:

And when Xehanort took Sora’s light, I’m pretty sure I gasped. Not just because I really liked Rage Form in this game and love any sort of exploration of Sora’s darkness, but because...

Well, Xehanort already took Sora’s light from him. Kairi. Kairi’s his light. This moment really drives that point home. Sora’s still feeling rage and fury and grief over her death, over losing her, and that comes out all at once and boy was it satisfying to wail on Xehanort like this:

Fight darkness with darkness!

Even when he’s desperate and about to die, he’s still just furious at Xehanort and that’s reflected in his demeanor:

And finally, FINALLY, he wins. Xehanort is no longer towering over him. They’re on equal footing now. Sora has dragged him off his high horse and defeated him. Not only that, he’s actually managed to get him to collapse to the ground when before Sora had collapsed to the ground over his grief at losing his friends and then his grief at Kairi’s death. But not here. He’s the one standing over Xehanort for once. 

And he’s so tired and so done with him at this point and it was so satisfying to see someone call Xehanort out on his BS and for Xehanort to finally have to listen:

Sora demands to know what’s going to happen because he doesn’t want to hear any more lies, half-truths, or beating around the bush:

Side note: foreshadowing? 

Sora, in a way, is the World’s hope, and he is likewise lost at the end of the game, and the camera very deliberately chooses to focus on him here...

But anyway, as the scene continues, you can still really just see his contempt and disgust with Xehanort. This is the part where he basically tells Xehanort he’s not cut out to be a true leader because he thinks he can control destiny, and his contempt for Xehanort just oozes off the screen. Bonus points for them having a discussion about destiny vs. free will, where Xehanort blathers on about dictating people’s fates for them while Sora comes down hard on the side of giving people free will even if no one can really control their own destiny:

I love Sora’s line here: “A real leader knows that destiny is beyond his control... and accepts that.”

He tells it like it is, not at all afraid to mince words. Because yeah, Xehanort doesn’t deserve to rule one single bit. And in doing so Sora proves he is the one who truly deserves to rule. What do you bet he will become the eventual ruler of... something, eventually. Kingdom Hearts, maybe? 

This moment is like when the true king tells the pretender to get off his throne, an idea @rapis-razuri​ first proposed:

Yep, I’m definitely getting a “Get out of my kingdom and leave my people alone” vibe from this scene, even if Sora doesn’t know his true destiny yet. Foreshadowing? Especially when his shotlock in Second Form was called King of Hearts?

Probably. After Xehanort banished him and caused endless destruction and ruin, he’s casting Xehanort out and he’s going to make things right.

Goofy gets a moment to look disgusted, too:

And Xehanort tries to make a big show about how he’s handing over the χ-Blade because Sora did so well, blah blah blah, which... at least he acknowledges that Sora is the one who truly deserves this power?

Sora takes the χ-Blade from him:

And to Sora’s infinite credit, even though he has such a powerful weapon at his disposal, even though he could use it to summon the door and open Kingdom Hearts for himself and take full power of whatever lies beyond and be reborn as something greater than human and remake the World how he desires, if Xehanort’s reports in BBS are to be believed...

He doesn’t do that. He doesn’t want that power, and by doing so, shows he is truly worthy of it in a way that Xehanort never was or will be.

But Sora doesn’t take it for himself. He doesn’t because he despises the χ-Blade and what it represents, despises the fact that Xehanort murdered Kairi to create it, despises the fact that it was completed with her death and created by so much pain and suffering.

He could remake the World however he wishes and he chooses not to. He wants the old world back, flawed as it might be, because he wants to give people a chance. Wants to give them a choice.

And instead of trying to go it alone like Xehanort did, he calls on his friends to help him close whatever realm Xehanort opened up:

Then lifts the χ-Blade in the air...

And we get this shot. My friends are my power, indeed:

“Good riddance, I’m destroying this awful thing that represents everything I hate about what happened to Kairi plus all the crap Xehanort put my friends through, and I’m gonna do it with my bare hands.”

Must’ve been so satisfying for Sora to finally see that thing gone. In the next scene the worlds are safe, the χ-Blade is gone, and Kingdom Hearts has been sealed once more.

But even though he fought all night and it is now morning, the king isn’t through with his mission. There’s one last person he still has to save. His queen. And in sharp contrast to how he felt like he was worthless without his friends before, here he feels worthy enough to go after her alone. And he pulls it off and saves her, too.

And for my game, at least, I got this image of Sora sitting on a throne at the end. 

Sora won. He might not be king yet, but he stopped Xehanort from becoming king and restored the worlds and rescued his friends and saved Kairi, and that’s what’s important for now. The rest can happen later. Nomura does like to play the long game, after all, and he’s been drawing Sora slouching around on thrones since... KH1 days?

And... until the next KH game... we’ll just have to wait and see how this theme will be further developed...

[gretchensinister]

for the meme: cavity, blacksand if nobody else asked already, and a favorite SU ship (jaspearl? jasprose?)

Cavity

·         who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

Pitch is definitely the werewolf, and Tooth is the hunter, he’s also definitely someone she knew/knows as a human

·         who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

I feel like Pitch is the mermaid and Tooth is the fisherman, because of Pitch’s obvious outsider qualities. But then again Tooth is also living on an isolated peninsula so…there’s a connection possible here. Perhaps Tooth is trying to hide her bird-person nature in this scenario

·         who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Tooth is the witch and Pitch is the familiar—she summons an imp to take animal form and that works most of the time, though Pitch is a little more human when they’re alone, but it turns out…Pitch actually isn’t an imp, and has a much different true form. He was able to be summoned as an imp because he was being punished for being really bad at being an incubus. There’s a lot of yelling on everyone’s part when this is revealed (suddenly, and at a very awkward or inconvenient time)

·         who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

Much like one of the blacksand versions, Tooth is the coffee addict that is like “caffeine is caffeine” and Pitch is like, “please. Please understand that this is an art. This bitter black liquid is art that I am making for you.”

·         who’s the professor and who’s the TA

Skipping like before

·         who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

Even ONLY as the movie-version, we-only-know-him-as-a-villain Pitch, he’s STILL got “Knight” stamped all over him, I feel. Pitch is the knight and Tooth is a queen. The plot is a bodyguard plot. Maybe the conflict is that Tooth has to pretend not to be in a relationship at all to retain her power? And the goal is to change that situation.

·         who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

Tooth is the teacher and Pitch is the single parent, and I’m imagining some kind of gymnastics class and Seraphina is like the oddly tall one amid all the other children, who are the mini-fairy parallels (aside: there is a robin attacking my basement window right now; it’s been doing this for at least 2 hours already and I do NOT want this to be happening anymore. Your reflection ain’t gonna fuck your girl, bro! Even my cat got bored of watching this dumbass.)

·         who’s the writer and who’s the editor

Tooth is the editor, I feel like we see that energy when she’s directing her fairies at the beginning of the movie. Pitch is a writer, horror, naturally, and very overdramatic also. Punching out one of his teeth does not happen in this human au, of course—but he does have to get rid of a section he likes.

 Jaspearl

I thought about begging off on this one, like, blah blah blah so much has happened in canon since I really felt shippy, and of course it all has to be very much AU, and then I was like WAIT THAT’S THE POINT. Also, we are firmly in “my city now” territory.

·         who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

Jasper’s the werewolf and Pearl is the hunter. Is that too typical? Oh well…

·         who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

Jasper is the mermaid because I think giant mermaids are awesome. Pearl is the fisherman and this is not something she EVER expected. Maybe Pink Diamond is somehow the ocean in this AU.

·         who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Pearl is the witch and Jasper is the familiar, like a lioness or something. Actually rather unhelpful as a familiar. Not that Pearl needs help because she’s powerful on her own but it’s odd to everyone who doesn’t know (that Jasper’s under an enchantment and technically isn’t a familiar at all)

·         who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

Jasper is the prickly barista and Pearl is the coffee addict who is a) way smoother than Jasper can really deal with and b) not put off by Jasper’s aloofness because, after all, she IS providing her with coffee.

·         who’s the professor and who’s the TA

Skipping like before

·         who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

Pearl is so much the knight that I have to keep her being a knight in this AU, which leads to Jasper as a princess, which is super interesting. I think in this AU Jasper would be the youngest princess of several, not really in line for the throne, and she and Pearl don’t really spend much time together until some disaster happens that makes them think that the kingdom has been destroyed, and they have to slowly get to know and understand each other as they look for the kid who’s supposed to restore it

·         who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

Pearl is the single parent, and Jasper is the teacher. Obviously Steven is the kid in this AU. I think I’m not going to develop more details right now as Jasper teaching Steven in canon took a very dark turn! (Even if it did end up okay.)

·         who’s the writer and who’s the editor

Pearl is the editor because it honestly seems like something she would LOVE doing, and also I find the idea of Jasper as a reclusive writer to be very entertaining and also maybe REALLY HELPFUL FOR HER? I think Jasper would write poetry and Pearl at first would resist the idea that Jasper is doing what she’s doing in her writing on purpose and in order to get anywhere they have to really work to understand each other, and acknowledge the very different connections they have with a famous writer (and her equally famous pseudonym) who is now dead. This has pretentious literary story written all over it. I’m into it.

[antiadvil]

tumblr.com/liked/by/danielhowell

1k, PG13

Dan scrolls through tumblr, liking things. Oh, did I mention that he just got married?

A/N: for the pff bingo fest. this prompt is author's choice (wedding, also, dan is a little shit who fucks with the hearts and souls of phannies) because I am lazy and only fills one prompt because I am unimaginative. thanks to @flymetomanchester for betaing and here’s my card

ao3

It was a week after their wedding that Dan decided to say something about it to the internet. Nothing huge, of course. He had never wanted, and still didn’t want, information about his relationship with Phil to be something easily available to anyone with an internet connection. Of course, it was too late for that now. All he could do was play damage control.

If things were different, he sometimes thought, everything would be different. If they had never hidden their relationship, maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal now that they were finally being more open about it. If they were a straight couple, maybe it wouldn't ever have been such a big deal. But they hadn't, and they weren't, and now Dan was scrolling through his tumblr tag, dealing with the consequences of being born queer and the decisions he had made while trying to preserve a fragile career, his relationship with his family, and his relationship with someone who he had desperately hoped would someday be a part of his family.

There wasn't anything very interesting. He and Phil had been trying to stay vaguely active on social media while not posting anything too interesting so no one would notice anything was out of place, but weirdly, the tag was still full of speculation.

“guys they're up to something. SOMETHING.”

“Does anyone else think it's weird that they're posting so regularly? What are you trying to hide lmfao @AmazingPhil @danielhowell”

“... something weird is going on. getting vibes. will update later.”

He clicked on the last post, curious about the update. The first few pages of the blog were asks, probably about said update- Dan skipped them until he found the original post and then scrolled backwards, skimming the posts in the order they were originally posted in.

Blah, blah, blah, a lot of “evidence” that mostly came down to the fact that he and Phil had been posting “too much” with photos and videos that could have been taken at any time, which was kind of flimsy evidence, really, but then again, it was true, wasn’t it? He and Phil were up to something, just not something they planned to share in its entirety with their audience.

He scrolled further up, into the wall of asks. “just say what you think they’re doing already,” read the first one. The response startled him so much he dropped his coffee mug.

It shattered on the kitchen floor beneath him.

“Everything all right in there?” Phil called from the other room.

“Yeah, fine,” Dan called back, trying to keep his voice even.

He had gone on tumblr hoping to make a statement. He hadn’t actually expected to find anything to make a statement on.

“getting married probably,” said the blogger’s response.

Never in a million years did Dan think someone would actually guess. His fandom always thought something was going to happen. That was what happened when large groups of people tried to tune into whatever weird biorhythms determined his upload schedule. They were right sometimes, but when they were, it was more by chance than anything else. Even when they were right that something was about to happen, itt was pretty rare that they were right about what it was.

He and Phil usually found their fans’ conspiracy theories funny. But somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to laugh at this post.

This was his life now, he reminded himself. There was nothing he could do about it short of putting his and Phil’s phones in a blender and disconnecting their wifi router. All he could do now was play damage control.

Sometimes, though, he didn't want to play damage control.

His cursor hovered over the like button.

He thought about it.

This click would change nothing. And everything. He could play it off as a joke. Most people would probably assume it was without Dan having to say a thing. He wouldn't be explicitly confirming anything- there wouldn't be any news articles. Dan was a celebrity, but not so much of a celebrity that him liking a tumblr post would be news. Probably.

But the person who posted this post would know in seconds. The rest of his fandom would know in hours.

He clicked. The like button- on this theme, just a simple piece of text saying “like”- now said “liked.” Dan counted to thirty before refreshing the page.

A new post had appeared: a reblog of the original with a screenshot of dan’s like and the caption “OMG WTF AFDHSJKAFG YOU CAN’T JUST FUCKING DO THAT!!”

Dan laughed, one of the longest and hardest laughs he’d laughed in a long time. He laughed so hard that he heard Phil calling from the living room again, but couldn’t reply. He heard Phil’s footsteps, but couldn’t be bothered to close his laptop.

“Seriously, what is so funny? And why is your coffee mug-” Phil bent over Dan’s shoulder to look at his laptop. He groaned. “Dan!”

“Sorry,” Dan wheezed, “But-” He dissolved back into laughter.

Phil refreshed the page and giggled.

“It’s kind of funny,” Dan gasped. “You have to admit.”

“Kind of,” Phil admitted. Dan let himself get lost in the upward curve of his boyfriend’s lips- no, husband’s, he kept reminding himself, Phil was his husband now.

Phil noticed Dan staring and his smile grew. “How about you leave the internet alone for a bit?”

Dan opened his mouth to protest.

“No. You’ve wreaked enough havoc for today.” Phil shut the lid of Dan’s laptop and pulled it away.

“Wait,” Dan whined, “I was going to unlike it.”

Phil’s eyes widened as he moved backwards, clutching Dan’s laptop to his chest. “You’re a monster.”

“Yeah,” Dan said. “Gimme.”

“No.”

“Please? It’ll be hilarious.”

“No.”

“You’re the worst boyfriend ever.”

Phil’s face lit up. “Husband.”

Dan’s heart fluttered. “You’re the worst husband ever. Now give me my laptop back so I can ruin a teenage girl’s day by unliking her tumblr post about our relationship.”

“With great power comes great responsibility, and you are not being very responsible right now.”

Dan sank back into his chair, pouting. “You’re mean.”

Phil put Dan’s laptop back on the table. “Love you too,” he said, dropping a kiss on Dan’s head. “Now, what were you thinking for dinner?”

“Human suffering,” Dan said.

“Takeaway it is,” Phil said. “Anything else?”

“Don’t forget the dips.”

“I would never.”

Phil cleaned up Dan’s broken coffee mug. By the time their takeaway arrived half an hour later, Dan had completely forgotten about tumblr.

[somethingdownthere]

The Rise of Skywalker could’ve been an entirely new vision of the Force, instead we got a meaningless rehash of the OT

Here’s my perspective on The Rise of Skywalker, the sequel trilogy and what it could’ve been. Please like and share if you’ve enjoyed this piece or found it interesting :) 

I think The Rise of Skywalker was so disappointing to me because is subverted the best and strongest parts of the previous two films and ultimately made it so that this trilogy added almost nothing to the larger saga beyond being an adventure with new characters. I left this movie asking what was the point? Why were you telling me this story and what is the lesson here? Is it that people can be redeemed? We already know this from the original trilogy so why tell it again? For all its flaws, the prequel trilogy also had a clear lesson of the dangers of giving into temptation and of becoming obsessed with power. I find myself struggling to find what this trilogy contributed. There was so much potential in the first two films and this final film reneged on all of that and took zero risks. It sought to please everyone and became a blah movie as a result.  

The first two films in this trilogy were all about challenging us to think about what Star Wars is at its core and what it can be. We lift off the mask of a stormtrooper in The Force Awakens and see that stormtroopers are not faceless evil machines, but actually struggle with right and wrong, light and dark.

 In The Last Jedi we learn that a young girl from nowhere who had nobodies for parents is incredibly powerful in the force. Rey’s parentage is then walked back, but at this moment in TLJ we believed it to be true. The use of the force by the boy in the stables on Canto Bight only strengthens the argument that you do not need to be of noble lineage to use the force. We get a new look at the economy of the galaxy and incredibly wealthy weapons dealers who sell to both sides, alongside poverty and oppression. We see that within the Resistance leadership there is conflict between Poe and Vice Admiral Holdo. In the real world, rebellions don’t hum along smoothly with no in-fighting, and acknowledging this conflict shows a real maturity of TLJ and Star Wars itself. 

Two key themes of TLJ is that the old ways will be left behind and that there is a middle path between dark and light. We see this in Rey and Kylo’s special force connection which seems to exist beyond the duality of Jedi and Sith. It’s neither light nor dark but a way for them to understand and even sympathize with one another, even as they remain on opposite sides of the force and war. Shortly after killing Snoke Kylo tells Rey: 

The Empire, your parents, the Resistance, the Sith, the Jedi... let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That's the only way to become what you are meant to be. 

Kylo doesn’t view himself as a Sith or Jedi and is suggesting that Rey doesn’t have to either. There is perhaps more potential in the force than viewing it only in the Sith and Jedi duality. He is suggesting that Rey is meant to find that other path, to combine dark and light without the label of Jedi or Sith. This feels like a moment where we are moving beyond the past of the Empire, the importance of parentage and the Sith vs. Jedi conflict, yet TRoS brings all of these themes back in a regression to the old ways. It’s obsessed with bloodlines and with light vs. dark duality when it could’ve presented a new vision of the force that is a true balance, a true yin and yang, rather than just another win for the old order of the Jedi. 

While a rejection of the Sith is obvious, I think a rejection of the Jedi is also in order at the conclusion of the saga. Over the course of nine films, the Jedi have made countless mistakes in their restrictions and lies, yet paid no price. In the prequels, the Jedi were overly restrictive about marriage. When Anakin struggled with possessive visions of Padme’s death he couldn’t come to his Jedi mentors for guidance so he instead found a mentor in Palpatine. A more permissive policy could’ve perhaps prevented Anakin’s turn to the Sith. In Ben Solo’s case he wakes up in the middle of the night to see his uncle lauding over his bed, about to kill him. He is a teenage boy and his Jedi uncle is about to kill him for having too much darkness within him. Honestly, have you met teenage boys Luke?

The Jedi also have a terrible habit of lying to their padawans in order to protect them. Obi-Wan does not tell Luke about his parentage because he fears the pull of the Darkside will be even stronger for Luke if he knows who his true father is. Luke lies to Rey about her parentage for the exact same reason, which is even more perplexing considering that Luke is proof that your parentage does not determine how you use the force. In the case of Anakin and Ben, they both feel they have been lied to because their masters do not teach them about the Darkside but instead label it as impermissible, evil and bad, without showing them why. 

And Anakin and Ben are right. The Darkside is not evil. Anger, aggression, fear, and hatred are not inherently bad. What matters is how we use them. We see many of the heroes of Star Wars be afraid, aggressive and even at times hate one another. Any rebel fighter worth her salt should fear the Empire and be aggressive when fighting it. We could say Leia has a hatred for Darth Vader and even initially for Lando, but this does not make her a bad person. It is the Sith that uses their Darkside emotions of fear, anger, and hatred for galactic domination and oppression. But perhaps we don’t have to see the Darkside as solely evil. The Sith have used the Darkside in a horrible way, and while the Jedi strive to do good, they too have made harmful mistakes in how they use the light side of the force. Could there be a third school of the force that acknowledges the power of the Darkside and the darkness that lives within all of us, but instead uses that darkness for good? This is a question I would’ve liked TRoS to answer and I think TLJ teed it up to be answered in the final film. Even the name The Last Jedi suggests that there were no longer be another Jedi, but there will be something else. 

Instead of another redemption arc for Kylo Ren, TRoS could’ve chosen to embrace his contradictory nature and conflict. The fact that Kylo Ren still feels a bond and love for Leia and Rey shouldn’t mean that he is destined to be redeemed and excused for his crimes. Instead, it shows that he is merely human and even “evil” individuals can feel love and kindness while committing atrocities. Many Nazis had families who they loved dearly. This does not make them good people or prove they are worthy of redemption, it’s merely one area of light in their lives that are otherwise overly balanced toward darkness. 

TRoS had the potential to show us this third path that is neither Sith nor Jedi, but something that is honest about the contradictory nature in every human being. It had the potential to reveal that the darkside isn't any more evil  than winter or nighttime is evil. Dark is necessary for light, winter necessary for summer, night necessary for morning. It is the rigidity of the Jedi and the obsession for power and domination of the Sith that has allowed evil to flourish for so long. An honest assessment of the Jedi’s record and a paving of a new path forward in the force would’ve made TRoS a spectacular, beautiful and moving ending to the Saga. 

We did not get that ending but perhaps this saga is the true reflection of the force. Star Wars isn’t perfect, neither good nor bad but somewhere in the middle. It’s a work made by humans and its beauty is in its reflection of ourselves, our lives, hopes, and fears. Fans love it and hate it and half the fun is talking about it. The people who make, watch, read and love Star Wars aren’t Jedis or Sith but somewhere in the middle. In the end, it’s much bigger than whatever this trilogy turned out to be. 

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Atomic Monsters

I watched this at least a week ago, but just didn't get around to rewriting my notes into a post 'til now.  I did actually find this the best episode so far, but lets be real, that's such a low bar to clear at this point it says basically nothing.

The opening sequence is really fun!  I found the whole thing genuinely enjoyable, both the action itself and that it included exactly the kind of return cameo I can actually get behind.  No retcons or resurrections that make death somehow even cheaper or ruin the original finish to the character's story!  Not even to mention that, instead of existing just for the sheer fanservice of it?  A sequence like this is actively improved by giving us a familiar face we have investment in to keep it from being all just random unfamiliar cannon fodder getting offed.

Unfortunately, this isn't the rousing endorsement it could be when we know that both expanding to a big action sequence and bringing Benny back for it were actually Jensen's ideas.  Not even to mention that the thing which really works best in the episode?  It's the dream sequence that's not actually connected to anything else and doesn't have to worry about continuity to work. This is my surprised face.

I enjoyed the exchange between Sam and Dean in the kitchen.  The meat man conversation over the bacon was rather silly, but in a fun way. I've seen some people reading things into it (it's insulting Dean doesn't know the slang, Sam is randomly vegetarian now) that I didn't really see there.  I did appreciate how Sam was weirdly jumpy and had trouble meeting Dean's eyes after the creepy alternate world dream.  I thought it worked really well for both slice-of-life and Sam’s reaction.

In terms of the Winchester's case, well, for the most part it could have been worse.  I don't honestly believe even if I hadn't been spoiled that I wouldn't have immediately suspected the parents from their introductory exchange about how Billy playing in the big game was more important than a cheerleader's death.  I think it was supposed to be a retroactive subtle clue, but it was more of a clue-by-four.  So the “mystery” of tracking down the monster was pretty lost on me.  I did like that the one girl having braces was a clue!  But I also thought the scene with her rehearsing her speech on a live mic in an empty auditorium was weird and contrived.  I straight out cannot forgive that a girl was literally abducted from the school campus and NOBODY checked the security footage near her car fucking IMMEDIATELY well before Sam & Dean.  C'mon.  Then, of course, a couple random middle-aged suburbanite humans get the drop on Sam and Dean, because Dabbernatural really just loves to make them incompetent so plots happen.

Then the big reveal and blah blah blah, kid accidentally ate his girlfriend.  WHAT WERE WE SUPPOSED TO DO???  Um, maybe try not being scumbags?  Idiotic scumbags at that, abducting a second girl from their son's own school instead of somebody that wouldn't be missed or even, hey, maybe encouraging him to try harder not to eat people.  Don't try to sell me on this pseudo hallmark 'but they just love him so much' bullshit.  At least the kid has more self-awareness and conscience than his fuckwad parents.  

Then we get to the infuriating character assassination part of the programme.  Having Sam and Dean say that they'd do the same thing as the dad for Jack their “son”?  Fuck you very much, show.  I could maybe, maybe, see Sam or Dean kidnapping and draining the life out of an innocent to save the other at their most desperate worst.  Though I think the only time they even really get close to that kind of an actively, knowingly evil choice is with Doc Benton.  Not only do I not buy for a second that they would do that for the totally-really-their-actual-child-for-reasons albatross Dabbernatural has shoehorned into their lives?  Struggling to do the right thing even when it hurts used to actually mean something – it was always a very important qualifier that while Sam or Dean might make that choice, the other would not let them.  So having them both agree this kind of straight up villainy would be a-okay for oh-so-totally-loveable-no-really-woobie-blob Jack ...

Like carelessly assassinating every human in the BMoL headquarters, it fundamentally fails to understand what it is that keeps Sam and Dean from being the monsters.  Hint: it's not just that the show centers around them.  “We do the ugly thing so that people can live happy” - these moronic hacks seem to be actually trying to parallel Sam and Dean saving innocent victims and the world to human monsters that were going to selfishly help their son eat his way through the entire goddamn cheerleading squad.  Am I getting this wrong somehow?  Is there some other, less appalling, reading here that I'm missing? This whole scene honestly made me nauseous.

They talkity-talk on for a while longer, but it's really not much better.  Sam declaring that God was totally done with them was the writers putting those words in his mouth based on nothing.  At it’s very best, it was Sam’s bad habit of convincing himself conclusions he’s come to are true because he wants them to be.  So them both just deciding to believe it's true after Chuck has admitted to orchestrating their entire lives … I'm not sure if we should conclude the Winchesters have brain damage or if that's just the writers.  Especially when the underlying reason for it is nothing more compelling than , “Watch the Winchesters see-saw on the angst fulcrum completely at random!  Yay!”  If this was actually well written, there would be some precipitating reason for Sam to suddenly be the one being all fatalistic while Dean is accepting.  Instead, the writers  just slap some coin-flipped angst angst angst on the page and meander on in a supposedly forward direction.

So then there's the other half of the episode, the Becky storyline. Am I the only one a little disturbed that Becky's first reaction to seeing Chuck was to look scared and try to run away?  Like, they're exes and all, sure, but she doesn't know any of the god stuff yet – I think the only thing she even says about their breakup is that Chuck dumped her.  Is that reaction supposed to be yet another bit of “new canon” showing how Chuck was just that terrible all along? But then she does let him in, so maybe we're just supposed to take it as Becky still having a tendency towards dramatics?  I honestly don't know, but it was weird to me.  

I do genuinely love that they had Becky go to therapy and realize just how absolutely fucked up what she'd done was and ultimately sort herself out to become someone who seems to be a well-balanced adult. A well balanced adult that didn't have to give up being a fan for that!  Seriously, kudos to the writers for this, because 7.08 is such a loathsome episode that otherwise ruins Becky as a character.   Though I do have to nitpick a bit – while I get that they wanted to put SPN merch in Becky's home as a callout to her still being a superfan?   In the show's universe, Chuck's books were never that popular, so I'm having some suspension of disbelief issues that there would be Funkos for them.  We could pretend they were customs, but she's got at least one Impala, so even that doesn't quite work.  I'm not entirely sure who “people only want them sitting around doing laundry anyway” is a dig at, but I'm giving it the side eye.  

I also am not entirely sure what to make of Chuck's whole no one needs me I kinda hate me I'm all lost and don't know what to doooooo shtick.  Is this a game he's playing?  Is he really that wishy-washy? Did some of Dabb's sad internal monologue as showrunner somehow end up in a script by accident?  

He goes on like that and laments he's lost the Winchester's trust and had words with them or whatever, and then he zaps Becky and her family away at the end.  Like, if he cared enough about Becky to care about her opinion, why does he turn on her, too, just like that?  I guess we're supposed to see it as him having found his mojo in her space and vanishing her because taking over her space that's working for him currently is his latest whim.  I suppose they're intending to show Chuck as just being that capricious and flighty, but I don't know that it works for me.  The way they've been writing him he's acting so randomly and impulsively that it's kind of unbelievable he can even sit still at a keyboard long enough to write another Sam and Dean installment.  Again, I definitely find it unbelievable that the Chuck they're giving us now would be capable of playing the long game that he would have had to for him to be actively behind everything.  Until he suddenly got impatient and lazy and popped up in the cemetery at the end of the last finale ... for reasons … and is now just … like that … because.

Not to mention that his powers are, big shock, just as arbitrary as everyone else's in the current show.  He can't actually see what is happening to Sam and Dean because of the bullet sapping his power or whatever, but we're supposed to be worried about the ominous ending he's writing for them because … he's got those god powers to make it happen, I guess?  Uh...

I will grant that the ominous bobbing of Sam and Dean Funkos' heads to Chuck's furious typing was a wonderfully foreboding shot to end on.  

[meditativeyoga]

A Simple Practice to Improve Well-being and Relieve Stress: Be Mind Full of Good

Right currently, what you assume and feel, enjoy as well as endure, is altering your mind. The brain is the organ that learns, made by development to be changed by our experiences: just what scientists call experience-dependent neuroplasticity. We have the power to utilize the mind to change the brain to transform the mind for the much better. Below's a technique from author Rick Hanson to reveal you how.

The Practice: Be mind full of good.

Why? It's sort of outstanding: today, just what you think as well as feel, enjoy and endure, is transforming your mind. The mind is the organ that finds out, created by development to be changed by our experiences: exactly what scientists call experience-dependent neuroplasticity.

Neurons that terminate with each other, cable with each other. This implies that each one people has the power to make use of the mind to transform the mind to alter the mind for the much better. To profit oneself and other beings.

Using this inner power is extra essential compared to ever nowadays, when numerous people are pressed as well as pushed by exterior forces - the economic climate, media, politics, office plans, battle on the other side of the world, individuals beyond of the dining-room table - as well as by our reactions to them.

Life is typically tough. To deal with hard points, to be reliable and effective, or just to experience normal well-being, we need sources inside, self-confidences like strength, empathy, gratitude and also various other positive feelings, self-worth, and also insight.

Some toughness are innate - developed right into your DNA - but most are obtained, woven in time into the textile of your brain. These long lasting attributes come from passing states - experiences of the internal stamina - that get set up into the brain. You become more happy with internalizing repeated experiences of thankfulness, you come to be extra thoughtful via internalizing duplicated experiences of concern, etc.

So far, so apparent. But right here's the catch: without this installment - without the transfer of the experience from temporary memory buffers to long-lasting storage - useful experiences such as feeling cared about are for a little while pleasurable but have no long lasting worth. Yikes! There is no learning, no development, no change for the better.

Meanwhile, your mind is swiftly and also successfully turning unpleasant, negative experiences - feeling frazzled, worried, stressed, disappointed, aggravated, insufficient, pain, and so on - into neural structure. To assist our ancestors endure in severe problems, the mind developed a negative thoughts prejudice that makes it efficient finding out from disappointments but fairly negative at learning from excellent ones - despite the fact that picking up from great experiences is the main method to expand the inner staminas we all need.

In effect, today our brains have a well-intended, universal understanding handicap due to the fact that they've been fastidiously developed over countless years for peak performance ... in Stone Age conditions.

Most of us are respectable at having valuable experiences - however very negative at mounting them in the brain. A lot of specialists, mindfulness educators, instructors, moms and dads, and also human resources trainers are quite excellent at urging useful experiences in others, but quite poor at aiding them obtain mounted in those minds, this was definitely true for me.

In result, the majority of valuable experiences are thrown away most of the time. The result is a discovering contour, a growth rate that is a lot flatter than it should be.

Poignantly, because we are not internalizing most of our wholesome, advantageous experiences - authentic minutes of sensation unwinded, capable, tranquil, grateful, successful, satisfied, valued, liked, and also loving - we feel emptier inside compared to we truly should have to feel. As well as we become a whole lot less complicated to manipulate by fear, consumerism, and also "us vs. them" conflicts.

What can we do?

We could make use of the mind to change the mind for the better.

How?

Here's the essence: Have It, Delight in It.

In various other words, have a beneficial experience in the first place - typically because you just observe one you are currently having: you're already feeling a little bit of convenience, relief, pleasure, connection, heat, decision, confidence, clearness, hope, and so on. And it's great to produce advantageous experiences, such as intentionally thinking about points you feel appreciative for, or phoning empathy for a person hurting, or recalling just how it really felt in your body to insist yourself with somebody who was being pushy.

Then, once you have actually got that great experience going, truly appreciate it: taking 5, 10, or even more secs to secure and stay with it, and open up to it in your body. The longer as well as a lot more extremely those nerve cells fire together, the even more they'll be electrical wiring this internal toughness into your brain.

This declares neuroplasticity, the significance of self-sufficiency: taking in everyday experiences to create more self-confidences such as grit, confidence, kindness, psychological equilibrium, happiness, patience, and self-awareness.

I don't count on positive reasoning. You're not overlooking the pains, losses, or oppressions in life. I believe in realistic thinking, seeing the entire mosaic of reality, the great, the poor, and the neutral. Exactly due to the fact that life is commonly tough - as well as because we have actually got a brain that's relatively poor at growing the self-confidences should deal with these difficulties - we should concentrate on the good facts in life, let them become great experiences, then help these experiences actually sink in.

Most of the time you take in the good will certainly be in the circulation of life, maybe six times a day, normally much less than half a min each time. You can likewise make use of more structured moments, such as at meals, after exercising or meditation, or simply prior to bed.

Besides being a lot more open generally to advantageous experiences, you could try to find those certain experiences that will expand the internal stamina( s) that will help you one of the most these days. As an example, if you're really feeling nervous, seek authentic chances to feel sustained, protected, resourced, tough-minded, loosened up, or calmness. If life feels disappointing or blah, seek the real realities that naturally support experiences of gladness, appreciation, satisfaction, success, or effectiveness. If you really feel lonely or poor, seek the actual occasions when you are consisted of, seen, valued, suched as, or loved - and also available to feeling properly cared about, and valued, likewise search for chances to feel caring on your own, since love is love whether it is moving in or streaming out.

Our useful experiences are usually light - a 1 or 2 on the 0-10 scale of strength - yet they are actual. Any kind of solitary time you allow these experiences truly land inside you will not alter your life. But long as a cup of water is loaded decline by decline, you'll be changing your mind synapse by synapse right - as well as your life right as well.

And with a mind full of excellent, you'll have even more to provide others. Growing the good in them, also, in widening ripples seen and also undetected, perhaps reaching at some point around the entire world.

[bigskydreaming]

fhalkfhaklfhlkak i hate this

TW really truly literally ruined the word ‘spark’ for me. Like the whole damn word. I hear it now and I’m like, NOPE, like...idk, some people who cringe when they hear the word moist or panties. Apologies to anyone who hates those words and cringed, i dont actually know if thats a thing or if like, I just have weird friends. Probably just the latter.

But anyways, Im just like...lmfao. Its so visceral too? Like I have this one original project, Waveriders, that I’ve been fiddling with off and on in the background of other projects for awhile, might have talked about it on here, idk, I don’t keep track. 

Basically its a far future sci-fi novel/setting for linked shorter works set on a gas giant that was settled by humans who figured that they can’t possibly be stepping on anyone’s toes there, its a freaking gas giant, hello, no one’s home, right? They literally have to make their own ground by using technology to form anti-gravity wells in the habitable zone of the atmosphere and like, make floating cities and then these kind of buoys scattered across the planet that create these electromagnetic currents that flow in specific ‘routes’ between the cities, and people travel between them in these flying ships that use magnetized hulls and solar sails to ride these currents, and blah blah blah, yada yada yada, bc like, why would I resist an opportunity to have floating cities and sky pirates and ancient cyborg machine dragons? Doesn’t make sense. 

Anyway, so couple thousand years after settling this planet, and by then for Plotty Reasons there are people who have what’s called waveriding abilities, like they can ‘hack’ certain wavelengths or types of energy and manipulate them in various ways, but only one kind of energy per person, and they each have their own little names and niches. 

So, y’know, basically just like ATLA, except for like, its energy powers and there are cyborg machine dragons and floating cities and sky pirates, obvsly. Plus areas of totally fucked up gravity called the badlands that are all like, criminal underworld metropolis because normal people are like lol nope, we like it when up is up and down is down, all of this is very just...nope. And also because shocking and totally unexpected plot twist, they were totally wrong about the planet being uninhabited just cuz it didn’t have Earth type ground...like, so in addition and on top of and in conjunction with all of the above and whatnot, there are these beings called Chaos Angels, that are basically like sentient quantum waveforms that can take any shape or appearance, but just, have no physical substance and yet are really good at faking that they’re not totally there when they fuck with humans, which they do a lot, because well. Why not, y’know?

But other than that, its exactly like ATLA. I’m a derivative hack. I disgust myself, truly I do.

BUT the point of this particular synaptic misfire aka ADHD ramble, is that so, okay, these different types of not!benders are all called waveriders as an overall umbrella term, but with ten different subsets of this in total, right? So people who can ‘hack’ light and manipulate it in various ways are called brightriders, and people who are tuned into soundwaves are called echo-riders, and some can manipulate the more electricity-skewed side of the electromagnetic spectrum and those are shockriders and the ones who skew more to the magnetic side are steelriders but I’m probably gonna change that because it sounds like a porno? Yeah no, just saw it outside of my notes for the first time and can confirm, definitely sounds like a porno so they’re not gonna be called steel-riders, but they will be called something steel-rider-esque. You get it.

And then there are the five weird ones that people aren’t totally quite sure how their waveriding shticks work because the kinds of energy they hack aren’t like....the kinds that work in the same way as the others with their easily discernible and patternistic wavelengths, and scientists and scholars are always arguing like but skyriders aren’t even in the same FIELD as the other waverider types because gravity isn’t even an actual ENERGY, just because we talk about gravity waves doesn’t mean they’re remotely the same thing as lightwaves, they make no SENSE, and I’m just like hahaha, I am your god, fictional scientists. Fucking deal with it. Plus it does make sense, you just don’t know the Secret Rules and Logistics that I do, pfft. 

Anyway, so the other types are boomriders who hack kinetic energy and skyriders of course obviously manipulate gravity, and then the last three are really weird, and super rare and thus don’t really have set names and just have lots of nicknames and are often just thought to be rumors. So those are the bio-riders who manipulate chemical energy though it often gets mistakenly referred to or just handwaved as being ‘life energy’ as though that’s a thing, ugh future way advanced people are so dumb sometimes, honestly. But so they can manipulate biological processes in various ways and do things with healing and also hurting, and basically just don’t piss one off ever. Like. You’ll die. And then there’s the psi-riders, who are essentially psychics and hack brainwaves, and I’m not at all bitter that I lack the balls to just go for broke and call them ghost riders like I want to, because ghost riders obviously sounds way cooler?? But also, Marvel would definitely sue?? Because they’re just, like that. 

And like, the last of the Weird Ones are the ones so super rare and also so hard to actually....tell if someone actually IS one, that most people think they don’t actually even exist and are just an unsubstantiated like, theoretical idea some scientist had once while high and then just, never shut up about so eventually the idea caught on. And those are the quantum-riders, or luck-riders, basically they theoretically manipulate quantum wavelengths in ways that are almost impossible to identify, like theoretically they wouldn’t even know they were doing it? Anyway, so lots of times, what are actually quantum-riders are just jealously thought to be like, really fucking lucky assholes. Even though the way their powers work really don’t have anything to do with luck or even probability, specifically, like that’s a simplistic approximation and its more like they manipulate possibilities but also shut up me, nobody cares.

ANYWAY, people who can count and who actually bothered to would probably notice by now like the funky little geniuses they are that all of those still only adds up to nine. And that’s because of the last one, the one that SHOULD go up in the brightrider, shockrider, notpornIswear!steel-rider hierarchy or taxidermy or whatever the fuck. And these are the ones who manipulate what’s essentially thermal energy, or more accurately the microwave-skewing side of the ultraviolet spectrum whereas brightriders are just the ones who skew more to the infrared side of it.

And the long and short of all of this Unnecessary-ness and the source of my fit of pique and ensuing ramble-palooza....is that ORIGINALLY, they were SUPPOSED to be called sparkriders.

But OBVIOUSLY I can’t call them that anymore, because like. I tried, and I was like ugh you drama queen slash whiny pissbaby, it was just a shitty teen supernatural show and SPARK WAS NEVER EVEN CANON, do not let THEM win and ruin a perfectly good classification name! But I did. I did let it ruin them, and its. Well. Its a problem, because I kept thinking up ways to kill off the sparkrider characters for absolutely no reason at all instead of like....thinking up ways to make the plot do what it was outlined to do in their parts of the story.

This may come like, way out of left field, and just SHOCK and STUN and BEWILDER some of you, like....no way, srsly? But yeah, true story, among my many canon mental neuroses like ADHD, PTSD, magical depression hour and super fun anxiety like....there is a tiny possibility (aka actual diagnosis) that while I don’t talk about this much, or ever really, I do have a smidge of ye old OCD? Its not like, a big thing and doesn’t really affect my daily routines and that’s pretty much why I never usually bring it up or list it alongside the rest of the crap on my neurodivergence resumé or whatever, because like, there’s already WAY too many misconceptions out there about what OCD actually is and what constitutes it, and tons of people are always jokingly but also thinking they’re kinda half serious, like ‘oh I’m so OCD about this and this and that’ and its like. LOL. Are you though? You sure?

Anyway, but point being, the way mine manifests for me is like...not actually a problem? Like, I don’t actually have any REAL complaints about it at all, just half-assed little fits of pique ones like this, which is the other part of why I never bring it up, because too often ppl just can’t fathom that OCD or even any kind of neurodivergence can be...WANTED, or a good thing, and lololol, that’s ableism, folks. But its true, I don’t actually mind mine at all, even if it occasionally makes things frustrating, when I get stuck like I am now. But the flip side of it is....its actually a pretty huge part of my creativity and just the way my mind works in general....like, what people accredit to me being particularly insightful about character analysis or drawing connections or stuff like that in meta or fics or my novels or worldbuilding...that’s what it is. That’s my OCD in action. 

My brain like...REQUIRES that I find patterns in....pretty much everything. Even day to day mundane stuff too, though like I said, its mild enough there that it doesn’t fuck with my routines too much, but like, I have to order things into nice, neat patterns and groupings. And if there aren’t any that are immediately obvious, I kinda pretty much HAVE to dig deeper until I find some on a slightly deeper level, something beneath the surface or first glance, and keep going until I find something.....or worst case scenario, I have to like....add stuff and embellish and fill in gaps with my own ‘content’ until I have the rough edges rounded off into something that CAN be stacked neatly atop some other part of the story or whatever it is I’m focusing on? And the obsessive-compulsive part for me is like, lol, I gotta find it SOMEWHERE, SOMEHOW. 

My brain literally won’t shut off or grudgingly accept being diverted to a different subject until I’ve made some kind of pattern or flowchart or classification system. It will literally keep me up for hours, going over the same things over and over from every angle until I find SOME way to....reassemble or restructure it in some nice, neat little order of some type. I mean that’s basically what it is. My brain insists on me forming some semblance of order out of any glimpse I have of what I would otherwise term creative chaos. And it won’t give up until it gets what it wants, which when you throw in my ADHD and how often I’ll get derailed off on slight tangents but with my OCD then sooner or later forcing me back to the original focus, rinse and repeat ad nauseam....like. LOL. I learned to operate on very little sleep from a pretty young age by necessity, its just...my brain, dudes. Its just like that.

But the perks are like, I pretty much think this is WHY I’m so creative....because my brain, for as long as I can remember, has always just kinda....forced me to be? Also probably has a lot to do with well...eh, I don’t need to talk about that right now. Whatever. Anyway, point being, so....I do like the end results very much so, and for all its....Why Must You Be Like This eccentricities, I’m quite attached to my brain and would not be very likely to agree to a trade even were one possible. I mean don’t get me wrong, I could do without the PTSD and anxiety, if we’re just, like....talking some pruning shears or whatever, but the actual creative machinery, I’m keeping. Ultimately it just means I really fucking like patterns and finding patterns or making patterns where previously there were none, or at least none that were easy to spot.

But ugh, man, these are the rare times when I’m like omg, just call it a day, we don’t ACTUALLY have to come up with the perfect replacement name for that one relatively small and insignificant detail of a much larger story that isn’t even in the Top Ten list of my main priorities at the moment. And my asshole of a brain is just like....yeah no, we gotta. You know the rules dude, you decided it was official, that name didn’t work anymore and was never gonna, so now we gotta find a replacement or else things will be UNEVEN?? The pattern will be...missing a piece? There will be CHAOS AND ANARCHY IN THE STREETS THAT RUNNETH OVER WITH BLOOD? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT??

And so I’m like....literally sitting here googling synonyms for spark because I’m just like that sometimes, lmfao. Oh and of course its gotta be a GOOD replacement, naturally. I can’t just shoehorn in a somewhat acceptable substitute that in the back of my mind I’m expecting to only be temporary, until I come up with something better. See, because my brain will KNOW, and it will NOT be okay with that, because that is CHEATING. And my brain, apparently, has strong feelings about cheating, which is weird and fairly unexpected of me, IMO.

Anyway, kudos to anyone who actually read through that instead of scrolling, I honestly have zero idea why I felt like sharing it, I just did and thus I did. *shrugs* 

[ravensroundofrobins]

Since most of y'all Don't seem to Know her.... Let’s DO THIS BRIEF HISTORY OF ROBIN!STEPH BUCKLE TF UP BITCHES

(Note: For the most part, Steph’s time as Robin is included in the War Games TPB, especially because it serves as a catalyst for said event. Highly recommended the read, but mind, like, everything about it) ((also also tumblr only allows 10 pics, so I'm cherry picking my fav panels/most important ones. + offering a bit of meta. take this with a grain of salt and Please read War Games and draw your own conclusions blah blah))

So to start with, a little Context to Steph’s Start as Robin:

Tim’s dad found out about his Robining & made him hang up the cape+mask. As any Concerned and Reasonable parent would. Steph is still operating as Spoiler at the time, despite many attempts by many members of the batfam (but especially Batman) to dissuade her from crime-fighting.

Due to a gross misunderstanding (as these things tend go in comics *sigh*) Steph, who is dating Tim at the time, sees a girl who was interested in him make a move & thinks that Tim is cheating on her. She channels this grief/mourning/anger into making her own homemade Robin costume and convinces Batman to take her under his wing (he sets the conditions that she must follow every order, with a ‘one strike, you’re out’ kind of policy). She undergoes an unspecified training period to get in Proper Shape For Crime Fighting and Batman starts taking her on various patrols and investigations.

During this time, she also teams up with Batgirl (Cassandra Cain) on more than one occasion (one of my fav panels below, just bc its so stylized lmao. its Cute)

During this time, in true Robin Tradition, Steph builds up quite the rapport with Batman, providing a lighter/comedic side and being a general breath of fresh air and foil to the Dark Knight. (just LOOK at this banter & Bargaining for the batmobile!!! a TRUE ROBIN)

There’s a couple cases that I won't get too far into (but one i want to briefly mention involves Zsasz and Steph going almost a bit too far when trying to subdue him. its a very clear parallel to Jason & serves as foreshadowing for how War Games will play out i.e., Steph’s fate) 

Now during this time, there’s an assassin/merc who is killing off teens who were suspected to be Robin (Tim Drake), which Batman catches wind of and the Dynamic Duo moves in to put an End to. (look at this smug lil robin, catching the Bad Guy™ off guard. ADORABLE)

Another thing to note now, is how Eager Robin is to jump onto the case and into the fray. and how carefully she toes the line when following/questioning batman’s orders. this is touched on many times often either with her able to juuuuust reason with the caped crusader enough to Bend his own orders or even to change his mind on occasion.

(a thing i want to note here with this panel and with this particular time in Steph’s career as Robin is that the writer had her referring to Batman as ‘Boss’. whether this was intentional or not, it most closely resembles, to me, Carrie Kelley’s mannerisms as Robin. i.e. another Robin that the writers may have been using as inspo/to parallel. Carrie’s time as Robin is also defined by Batman’s grief from losing Jason, and is given a very similar probationary status that Steph is given during her time as Robin. coincidence? maybe. but i think not.)

While they lose track of the villain initially, Steph’s quick thinking to place trackers on her is what saves the mission. at the Moment at least. Batman makes a decision to bring Robin along when tracking their prey, but orders her to stay behind in the batplane & ‘not touch anything’ unless ordered to do so. which is where we get the Defining Moment:

When Steph, against orders, jumps into the fray. its something to be admired, and very Typical Robin Behavior (bc where would they be if they weren't impulsive and, well, KIDS, amirite?) but unfortunately, her decision costs them the chance of apprehending the villain, and Batman stays true to his word...

and she's Fired (g o d I'm not the biggest fan of damion scott’s art but this look BROKE MY HEART. i can practically HEAR those choked back tears and see that quivering lip like... G O D BRUCE NO. GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE. ANYTHING ELSE THAN WHATS GONNA HAPPEN)

here’s where I'm gonna TL;DR War Games for y’all bc.... holy shit its a LOT. and Steph’s involvement really only begins it, and essentially ends it. (literally lmao. she's featured a little throughout but like. its a Crossover Event™ for a reason. everyone gets a little bit of the spotlight, which means a bit of shuffling around ofc) but Anyways

tl;dr - steph takes one of Batman’s contingency plans on her way out of the cave & implements it w/out being aware of a few Key Details. all out War breaks amongst the different gangs of gotham, with Batman & company trying to regain control of the city & maintain order. Black Mask resurfaces, catches and tortures Steph to learn details about the plan and makes his own grab for power (fun fact, for those of you paying attention to the Big Picture: this essentially sets up for his position later on in Under The (Red) Hood when Jason starts wrestling that control away from him) Steph manages to escape, Batman takes her to Dr. Thompkins clinic, and Leslie reveals that her condition is critical. bruce makes it back in time to be by steph’s side for this:

and then she dies ;-;

BUT THIS IS COMICS- so its revealed initially that Leslie withheld treatment to save Steph’s life to Make A Point and try to dissuade Gotham Youth from following Steph’s path. BUT-BUT WAIT THERES MORE BC THIS IS ~*C O M I C S*~ so its ALSO revealed later on that steph DIDNT die. Leslie helped fake her death and blah blah blah, Steph comes back, gets to be spoiler again, then batgirl and the rest as they say is history

anyways. STRAIGHT FROM THE BAT’S MOUTH THANKS. Steph WAS really™ a Robin™ and as much as DC wants to pry that from my gay goblin hands they WONT be able to. and anyways... She Earned It. okay. give this girl the Respect she deserves. 

(now since I'm a Shipping Blog™, ima add some thoughts regarding her parallel to other robins and how Theoretically a relationship with raven might work out)

Again, the biggest parallel that DEFINES War Games and Steph’s time as Robin, is that to Jason Todd. (fun fact/sidenote: they’re both Leos, so like. Another Connection btwn the two lmao) They’re both impulsive and eager to prove themselves, and follow Batman with unwavering faith and loyalty (up to a Certain Breaking Point that is). They’ve got especially cheeky attitude and flair for drama, and hey. Narratively speaking, writers seem to have a penchant for drawing a few connecting lines between them (again, by starting the WG TPB off with Bruce mourning on Jason’s bday & setting a Tone for the overall event. and then again, by having a major character for UtRH be the very same villain that killed our former girl wonder) 

Now with those lines drawn, and with an understanding of how Jason has interacted with Raven in-canon (with mostly cordial interactions and for the most part respectful analysis of each other’s abilities & strengths), & no known connection between Steph & Rae as of yet, we can really only assume a few things:

-like most of the batboys, Raven is very likely to get along with Steph and to respect her abilities given that Steph respects her in turn.

-Steph’s bright, extroverted personality could again work as a good foil/compliment to Raven’s more introverted/muted one.

-theyve got what i like to call the Bad Dad™ connection (with Steph’s being a former Gotham Rogue™, and Raven’s... well.. y'all Know) Steph’s already shown great Morbid Humor regarding this part of her life (shown in her interactions with Cass) and is very willing to bond with others over Sucky Parents

-while stephanie has a canonical Love™ of Waffles, and raven (at least in regards to her Most Popular fanon from the 03 cartoon) has a fanonical love of them as well. Hence, they ARE the Waffle Queens (embrace the ridiculousness, guys. DO IT)

-Since steph is not an Adopted member of Bruce’s family (& again, more often than not they have attempted to dissuade her from vigilantism) and similarly, due to Batmans Dislike of meta-humans/outsiders messing with Affairs in His City, as well as some of his canonical Distrust™ for Raven due to her mysterious background/nature. this could be another minor/potential bonding point between the two

-likely more??? its getting late, and not much else I can think of off the top of my head, but i might add more to this later. 

as a ship StephRae has as much potential as any other, and since there’s not a lot of canon to really go off, fans can really take it.... wherever and i think thats beautiful

[paulisweeabootrash]

Followup on Evangelion

This post was supposed to happen quite a while ago, but stuff happened and I forgot to do stuff so here we are.  Like I did with my Re:ZERO followup, I just wanted to come back to look more broadly at the rest of the series here instead of getting into individual episodes.  I previously talked about eps. 1--8, so this encompasses everything 9--26.

Before we get to the actual review, though, I need to tell you something bout my background, and consequently one of my biggest pet peeves.  I’m an engineering psychologist by training, and so although I’m not remotely qualified for the clinical side of things that people always associate with psychologists, I do know a fair amount about normal thought processes.  And you know what I am absolutely certain of?  Freud was wrong.  I don’t understand why we give him so much attention in intro-level psych classes, and I suspect that people often come out of those classes knowing less about psychology than they would if they hadn’t taken the class at all because they’re required to learn about Freud.  Freud was influential, sure, but that’s mainly a bug, not a feature.  He tried to develop an all-encompassing model of normal development and cognition based entirely on psychiatric patients (maybe not the greatest approach?) and ended up with a body of work so ad hoc handwavy that philosopher Karl Popper used it as an example of something “unfalsifiable” -- that is, one could not even in theory run an experiment which would prove Freud wrong, because there are no specific observable results that Freud’s theories couldn’t produce an explanation/excuse for like some kind of game of research Calvinball.  He maybe deserves to be mentioned as one of many “founders” of psychology, but really, unless you’re in a class on the philosophy of science or the early precursors to actually scientific mental healthcare, I cannot understand why we think he’s worth discussing in any detail.  Do we start chemistry classes with a week on the ancient Greek elements of earth, water, air, fire, and ether, and test students on the final on the theory of how those elements interact?  No?  Then why do we start psychology classes with a week on Freud’s theories and test students on the final on defining the id, ego, and superego or the psychosexual stages of development?

Why is this relevant?  Because the second half of the series gets frequently and intensely Freudian.  Some people draw parallels between Asuka, Rei, and Shinji and the Id, Superego, and Ego, and yeah, okay, I guess so, but I’m willing to accept that as a character dynamic that works well.  Then, in the backstory episode about the establishment of NERV, we get exposition about the three-part Magi computer system being different aspects of its creator’s personality, which is pretty hard to not see as another id-superego-ego set.  My real issue is with the psychosexual angle.  Misato, for example, can’t stay way from her ex Ryoji, but also repeatedly compares him to her father, including immediately after an off-screen (but voice acted) sex scene.  There’s an entire out-of-body experience episode where Shinji, temporarily merged with his Eva, directly experiences his own subconscious desires for sex and praise that all boil down to “he misses his mother” (who is filled in for, in a way, by Misato here, as she is the person who brings him back out of the Eva into the world and the first person he encounters when “born”, if you will... and of course in true Freudian fashion, she appears as one of his possible sexual partners in the out-of-body experience).  And I just... hate that aspect of the show and need you to know it.

That is not at all to say I haven’t enjoyed and appreciated the rest of Evangelion, though.  The angels, varied and bizarre, are one of the best uses of the monster of the week format I’ve seen in any show.  Their capabilities are poorly-understood even to those shown to be experts in-universe, and they are a genuine threat to the characters.  Serious injuries to pilots and Evas alike are common, and the number of implied or explicit civilian deaths and the amount of damage to Tokyo-3 and NERV HQ escalate dramatically.  They are, ludicrous technobabble explanations aside, a truly and horrifyingly alien opponent, whose motive is not even revealed until about halfway through the series, and whose potential impact (ha!) remains hidden to the main characters.  Those revelations come up organically in dialogue that establishes how secretive and how deep into mad science NERV truly is.  Blah blah spoiler spoiler, suffice it to say that Misato is not well-filled-in on what exactly NERV is doing, and learns some things from Ritsuko and Ryoji that have pretty disturbing implications about the capabilities and direction of their technology.  All the while, the “Human Instrumentality Project” looms in the background, mentioned but not explained until the very end when it is put into action.

Our main trio of pilots experience some character development that, again, I find very believable for teenagers thrown into a level of both danger and responsibility that they can’t handle.  Asuka’s arrogance and competitiveness turn from quirks into tragic flaws as she recklessly tries to prove herself to be the best Eva pilot, and are also revealed to be part of a more complex and general need to prove herself to be serious and mature.  (Not to mention, she is infuriating precisely because, again, she’s realistically written... her mixture of resentment and longing for Shinji and her wildly age inappropriate crush on Ryoji both remind me of people I used to know.)  Rei, who has never known anything but NERV’s single-minded dedication to making her a pilot (and who, like Shinji, is a victim of Gendo’s abusive parenting), starts to have the first vaguely normal human relationships of her life.  And Shinji tries to run away again, but I promise, it’s different this time.

No, that last one’s not in there as a joke -- I think this is an important turning point.  In ep. 18, Gendo remotely takes control of Shinji’s Eva to force it to do something Shinji refuses to do.  Shinji is understandably horrified by this, not just because of the violation of his autonomy or something but because of the terrible thing he has now experienced doing (remember, pilots are neurologically connected to their Evas and share their sensations), and in the next episode, in a burst of sheer hatred for not just his father but all of NERV, he quits again.  Most of the other characters still treat him as running away due to weakness or indecision, like they did earlier in the series, but he has a reason now.  They are falling victim to a “boy who cried wolf”-like problem, reacting to what they have come to expect from Shinji rather than to his actual motive.  He is persuaded to return in order to protect his fellow pilots who have become his friends, and then the next episode is that infuriating out-of-body thing, but the fact remains that this shows Shinji has grown across the series, from acting out of fear of and/or familial obligation to Gendo to acting out of a desire for praise (see ep. 12) to feeling like he has an actual role and mission to play.

Meanwhile, it becomes clear that Gendo really is the sinister mastermind he appeared to be.  While his colleagues in the shadowy council -- called Seele -- attempt to rein him in, and he theoretically is responsible to a chairman of that organization, the real power is with Gendo and the sheer amount of mad science he can muster under secretive or outright false pretenses.  And... wow, there’s not much I can say about that, because there’s not much I can say about episode 19 and beyond without revealing backstory the show wants to keep secret until this late.

What I can say, though, is I think the show fumbles hard on its late episodes, even before the notorious original ending.  Up to this point, I thought the show had been improving in general in its ability to tell an interesting story, but it dives back here into the same problem I had early on where it’s difficult to tell how much time has passed within or between episodes, and that creates more of a problem this time around for the basic ability of the audience to empathize with the main characters.  Perhaps this explains why there were alternate Director’s Cut versions of these specific episodes?  (I don’t know because I haven’t seen them, and they’re apparently only available to English-speakers on the 2004 “Platinum Collection” DVD release, and I am not paying the $120+ that eBay sellers want for them.)  I suppose it’s possible that the unsatisfying endings of our main cast’s arcs are intentional, and reflect how pessimistic Anno himself, and his initial description of the show, were, and there’s certainly nothing wrong with a downer ending per se, but episodes 21-24 don’t manage to land them for me.  Asuka fails at the only thing that makes her feel valuable, Rei has her tenuous human connections and her means of maintaining them if anything happens to her taken away, Misato realizes maybe NERV has been the bad guys all along, Shinji finally shows agency and makes an important decision for himself but immediately regrets it... all of these clearly should be tragic, but they just didn’t make me feel as sad for those characters as I know I should’ve.

Asuka’s brief and mostly-offscreen abandonment of NERV in the face of her plummeting confidence, the introduction of the Fifth Child, Kaworu, and Ryoji’s sneaking of secret information to Misato all are great plot points that could have had dramatic conclusions, but they all fell flat for me.  The episode focusing on Rei at least makes sense in tying together many things implied by previous episodes, and fills in or confirms some things we’ve already seen.  For example, it confirms the existence of literal souls in this narrative universe, so now we know to take certain aspects of Shinji’s out-of-body experience -- the loss of sense of self, and the feeling of having recontacted his mother’s soul -- as literal rather than just a storytelling device to display the Freudian subconscious, and the angels’ ability to make direct mental contact with people by this point certainly seems to be literal magic, not some sort of exotic biology.

But episodes 21-24 in particular feel like a rapid-fire dump of partial ideas with the dramatic pauses in all the wrong places -- exemplified by the minute-long still shot as Shinji decides whether to stop the final angel from [spoiler] that changes the scene from tense to absurd.  It is, in other words, paced poorly, and this isn’t just bad news for individual episodes, but for the ability of events to matter to the audience.  I also expected to have something to say about the gay content in ep. 24 that the professional internet commentators are obsessed with talking about (specifically, talking about how much Netflix screwed it up with a very small translation change), but that aspect of that episode in particular was overshadowed for me because the show just failed to show enough of a relationship building between Shinji and Kaworu for it to mean anything.  Even with the “love” to “like” change, I end up coming away with the impression that Shinji has a crush on Kaworu (whether Kaworu feels the same or just doesn’t get how normal people interact), but that doesn’t mean much when their entire series of interactions seems to be over less than a day(?).

And so we come to the two-part finale.  With no more angels to interfere, the Human Instrumentality Project begins.  We first see our pilots suffering separately in their own despairs and doubts, Shinji and Asuka both suffering from needing to be needed, Rei wanting to die permanently this time but afraid now that it’s finally an option.  The Project apparently forces direct contact between everyone’s souls, though, and we see how the exposure of feelings we do not wish to express or even think about can be even worse than isolation.  Misato and Asuka both totally break down upon directly encountering Shinji’s soul and involuntarily sharing their most upsetting and embarrassing memories with him.

Or, well, that seems to be what Shinji’s getting from them, anyway.  We don’t actually know what they’re experiencing, I guess, since we quickly learn this is only Shinji’s personal experience of Instrumentality.  He, and implicitly everyone else, is stuck in his own personal incorporeal world having an internal argument and trying to navigate an entirely new way of existing not constrained by the physical world.  The visuals themselves meanwhile regress to sparsely-detailed still images, then to storyboards, then sketches, before suddenly popping back to full animation as Shinji experiences another “possible world”, a frankly hilarious couple of scenes reimagining the show as a school life comedy.  Shinji begins to untangle what he thinks of himself from what others think of him, and is instructed by visions of his friends and colleagues that, among other things, conventional associations between concepts are just that -- conventional associations -- and they don’t need to mean to him what he thinks they’re supposed to mean.  Then this fascinating mindfuck of an ending, which up to this point I have been genuinely enjoying enough to forgive its Freudian jargon, crashes to a halt with the resolution that he just suddenly accepts himself, abruptly.  And then everyone clapped.  The end.

I feel let down, because it just sort of feels like Anno wanted very badly to resolve Shinji’s misery, but just whiffed on how to pull it off.  “Just stop hating yourself”, even given some sort of amazing supernatural opportunity to do so, is a bit too “have you tried not being a monster?” of a resolution for me.  I’m not asking for realistic therapy in my anime, but maybe there was some better way to show him changing his entire outlook?  And then I feel let down again because I finally remember that we cut to this abruptly and are totally ignoring what Instrumentality is doing or will do to everyone else, something that is such a wild shift that it is certainly the end of the world as we know it, to zoom in on just one person’s inner conflict in a very surreal way for two entire episodes.  So... yeah.  That was Evangelion.  Yup.  It was a solid sci-fi (or... sci-fantasy, I guess) premise that went in interesting directions, although not always executed well.  I appreciated it, and I would be interested to see how it has been repeatedly remade by its own creator.  Just, uh, not right now.

Come back soon for a third post about Evangelion, which will be a headcanon and/or questionable interpretation that probably nobody wants or needs but which I feel compelled to share.

[eeee-lye]

Metal, Part One

To make this a bit easier on myself, and also because my right hand isn’t working that well right now, I’m going to divide this into multiple posts. So this some of the power, symphonic, sympho-folk, gothic and power-prog artists in my main playlists.

I should note that I am an autistic with auditory processing disorder, so I do not listen to music primarily for lyrics and cannot promise that any one of these songs won’t contain problematic content.

I didn’t include Nightwish or Amaranthe because I know that you know of them, @dps-winston, but if you want my recommendations on either I can provide that. It’s also worth noting that I’ve often gone for bands’ lead tracks to give some idea of what their general sound is like. Also, not all these bands are actively together or recording.

Also, as someone who’s been listening to symphonic metal for a long time, I am not always a fan of the genre’s shift away from gothic metal undertones into pop-metal undertones, so the songs I list demonstrate that. There are other songs by bands like Sirenia, Xandria and Delain that are going to have that pop-metal tone if that’s what you enjoy. It’s just that I--while I shake my cane and ramble on about the good old days--came into the genre when it was paying homage to gothic metal, and I miss that.

Amberian Dawn: Mythological/fantastic gothic power metal. Unlike most of the bands here, they don’t go for anywhere near the same degree of orchestration, but there’s still backing choral pieces. Earlier songs are more often operatic; later songs are a bit less so.

Examples: River of Tuoni (early), Fame and Gloria, Cherish My Memory (Remastered)

Amanda Somerville and Michael Kiske: Two of metal’s famous melodic voices join up in that soft/melodic corner of power metal. Their first album is slow and blah, in my opinion, but City of Heroes has some rocking songs, and the title track is pretty much the Hero’s Journey set to song.

Examples: City of Heroes, Walk on Water.

Avantasia: A long-running (usually concept album) project from power metaller Tobias Sammet and a range of guest vocalists from the power, symphonic and prog corners of metal. More symphonic-power and power-prog than true power metal. Songs like “Runaway Train” are fucking epic.

Examples: Runaway Train, Twisted Mind.

Ayreon: Pretty much the epitome of melodic prog concept album projects, by Arjen Lucassen and another range of famous metal guest vocalists. It’s still power-prog, but it leans more into the prog than Avantasia. I very much recommend listening to Ayreon as a whole album first over individual songs, as much as I adore Day Three: Pain.

Examples: I’ll always recommend first The Human Equation.

Crimfall: Folk-with-a-bit-of-symphonic metal. I’d say something like the later Nightwish sound combined with early Eluvitie and a dash of Howard Shore’s The Lord of the Rings with even more outrageous bombast and shifts between clean and grunt (beauty and the beast) vocals. This band goes all out between softer breaks, so it isn’t just a wall of noise. (Although the start of “Until Falls the Rain” is fucking massive.) If you don’t like grunt vocals or harder folk, this may not work for you, but if you do, Crimfall.

Examples: Until Falls the Rain, The Last of Stands, Wildfire Season, Where Waning Winds Lead

Dark Princess: Gothic metal with ... well, I can only say emo undertones, but a similar sort of pop-metal sensibility as Amaranthe. They’re a pretty accessible entry to the melodic metal genre for folks new to the idea in terms of hardness, comprehensible vocals and song lengths.

Examples: Cry, Stop My Heart, The Key.

Delain: Symphonic/goth metal in their earlier albums; gothic power-pop metal, more like Amaranthe, in their later ones. I prefer their earlier albums, and their songs that lean hardest on the pop metal rarely do it for me so I won’t list them here, but Charlotte Wessels always sounds gorgeous. Damn do I love “Sleepwalker’s Dream”.

Examples: Sleepwalker’s Dream (early), Here Come the Vultures (later), Masters of Destiny (current)

Edenbridge: Symphonic/operatic metal, more like early Nightwish. I don’t like all their songs, I admit. They’re at their best, in my book, when they’re willing to move away from a close adherence to the Nightwish or Epica sound with more diverse instrumentation; “Wild Chase” is seriously good fun.

Examples: Wild Chase, Remember Me, Higher

Elis: Gothic metal. A lot of their songs sound fairly similar to me, but if you want less orchestration and more gothic sounds with grunt vocals, chorus and guitar, they’ll provide. (RIP Sabine.)

Examples: The Burning, Salvation

Elvenking: Folk meets light power metal with some acoustic songs between, and I have to say there’s something a bit Pratchett-esque elvish or Goblin Market about the weirdness of some of their songs, lyrically. But they’re light, fantastic, folky fun; just don’t expect them to always fit the Tolkien mould. High fantasy Elvenking are not, and that’s why they work.

Examples: The Wanderer (acoustic version), The Cabal, Trows Kind

Epica: If you’re looking for a more existential/spiritual/philosophical take on Nightwish, Epica will provide in the symphonic/operatic/gothic metal sphere. They’re bit more classical-feeling than Nightwish and, at the same time, more gothic, with grunt vocals threaded through the operatic elements. They’re big, bombastic and dramatic, with a touch of Therion about their music.

Examples: Our Destiny, The Essence of Silence, Tides of Time

Kamelot: Symphonic power-slightly-prog metal with a fair bit of drama. We don’t talk about Roy Khan, but I do like his vocals slightly better than that of his replacement, Tommy Karevik. (Karevik is still good, though.) They almost always have One Really Big Romantic Power Ballad, often with a guest female vocalist; it’s practically a contractual obligation.

(Epica are named after Kamelot’s Epica album, FYI.)

Khan examples: The Human Stain, March of Mephisto, A Sailorman’s Hymn

Karevik examples: Insomnia, Under Grey Skies (with the aforementioned Charlotte Wessels), Vespertine (My Crimson Bride)

Leah: A one-woman soft/melodic Celtic metal band, often with doom and prog undertones. Not all her stuff is quite as metal as I prefer, but if you want a break from the bombast melodic metal likes to throw at you with vocals more akin to Enya than Tarja, Leah will do that.

Examples: The Northern Edge, This Present Darkness

Leaves’ Eyes: Symphonic Norse metal, most of the time, but there’s a few albums between that are more like symphonic folk or Norse/Celtic rock. I vastly prefer them when they’re leaning harder to metal, like King of Kings. (Their best album, in my book.) We also don’t talk about Liv Kristine, but I do prefer her as frontwoman.

Examples, all Liv Kristine: Halvdan the Black, Blazing Waters, Froya’s Theme, Elegy (which, because pronouns, sounds like a sapphic love song)

Pyramaze: Fantasy-style softer power metal with a slight dash of prog. It’s very traditionally DnD/fairy tale fantastic, but it’s more toned down compared to Dragonforce. You’re all but required to sing “blood will be shed” and “the UNICORN” in the same way Shakespeare demands you holler “dishonour not your mothers”.

Examples: Tears of Hate, Legend.

Serenity: They’re Kamelot’s brand of symphonic power metal with a more power-metal-leaning vocalist and fantasy or historical vocals. They’re pretty much what power metal would be if it stayed power metal in theme but tried for Kamalot’s sound and styling. For all that it’s hard not to see them as a Kamelot knock-off, I do enjoy their music.

Examples: Velatum, Rust of Coming Ages, When Canvas Starts to Burn

Sirenia: Gothic metal evolving to symphonic metal. I vastly prefer their earlier albums; their middle albums have lost uniqueness (in my opinion) as they moved towards the Nightwish-adjacent mould, just with grunt vocals. Morten Velend’s vocals, though, are good: he’s deep and gravelly while still being clear. And the recent album has that discordant note again, albeit now over Amaranthe’s pop-metal base. Sirenia is a Revolving Door of Female Vocalists, though!

(If you like Morten’s vocals and want Sirenia’s orchestral gothic stylings sans female lead vocals: Mortemia’s Misere Mortem. If you prefer the earlier Sirenia songs, see early Tristania below.)

Examples: In My Darkest Hours (early), A Shadow of Your Own Self (early),  Sirens of the Seven Seas (middle), Dim Days of Dolor (recent), Love Like Cyanide (recent)

Sonata Arctica: Power metal, sometimes with fantasy or historical themes, but a bit toned down compared to Dragonforce or Rhapsody of Fire. This is why I listen to them a lot more than I do the others, as full-out power metal isn’t really my jam. Also, you have got to listen to “Fullmoon” because werewolves.

Examples: Fullmoon (Revisited), Flag in the Ground, The Last Amazing Grays

Tarja: For the sake of completeness, I should mention that Nighwish’s former frontwoman has recorded several of her own albums, but the first two are only ever okay for me, and I don’t connect to the later gothic-pop-metal tones of the later ones. I really notice the lack of Tuomas in her songs.

Examples of songs I don’t hate: Until My Last Breath, Die Alive

Therion: Unclassifiably melodic? Well, there’s fantasy, symphonic, orchestral, choral, prog, mythological and spiritual elements bound into something that’s wild and unique. Nothing else sounds quite like Therion, and their tracks vary in terms of additional tone, instrumentation, theme and styling. It’s as dramatic and all out as all fuck.

Examples: Call of Dagon, Enter Vril-Ya, Son of the Staves of Time, Adulruna Rediviva

Threshold: Soft power-prog, somewhat like Kamelot but sans orchestration. I do find a lot of their songs to be similar, and their early stuff doesn’t speak to me at all, but the songs I like I really like.

Examples: Stars and Satellites, Small Dark Lines

Tristania: Their early (Morten) albums are discordant gothic metal with doomier-style orchestrations, mostly grunt vocals against a choral background. Their later albums ... they’re just standard goth metal. If you like harder vocals leaning into doom but with more orchestration and symphonic elements, Tristania’s early albums are great. Not a fan, at all, of their later stuff, but I’ll link a song for comparison!

Examples: Beyond the Veil (early), Opus Relinque (early), Year of the Rat (later)

Visions of Atlantis: This is another band that’s had a few different vocalists and have changed tone along with them, but they’re mostly fantasy/mythological symphonic metal. (The earlier albums have a consistent operatic power metal vibe not present on songs like “The Deep and the Dark”.) I don’t mind when autoplay offers me their songs, but they’ve never been a band whose discography I absolutely have to own.

Examples: Mermaid’s Wintertale (early), Return to Lemuria (recent), The Deep and the Dark (recent)

Within Temptation: If you’ve heard Nightwish and Amaranthe, you’ve probably heard WT, but just in case you haven’t, they’re a symphonic metal stalwart. Not all their albums work for me--sometimes they sound far too same-ish and sometimes their more experimental songs don’t hit the mark--but Hydra is fantastic.

(I do love And We Run as is. Ironically, I can’t stand What Have You Done; I wish they’d gotten Mikael Stanne or Morten Veland over Keith Caputo. Just think what that song would sound like with grunt vocals!)

Examples: Edge of the World, The Last Dance, Murder and, because I’m contractually obligated to mention it, Paradise (What About Us)

Xandria: A fairly standard gothic/symphonic/operatic metal band, but they’re another Revolving Door of Female Vocalists Band with resulting shifts in tone, so the mood of their albums shifts from gothic to full-out operatic depending on vocalist. I don’t always like all their songs for this reason! Neverworld’s End is my favourite, probably because it’s the most Nightwish-esque.

Examples of songs I like: The Nomad’s Crown, Forevermore (both from Neverworld’s End), Nightfall, Voyage of the Fallen

[uniquelylaura-blog]

The Magic of “Old” Friendships

What is it about the friends that you have had a friendship with that seems like you have known them forever? They know your history, your quirks and all of you faults. They share old stories over and over that you never get tired of listening too. You have been through marriages, divorces, deaths and births of children. You go on “girls’ trips” and you plan future trips. You celebrated turning 20, then 30, then 40 and now 50-year birthdays.

 I said I would never write about my girlfriends, but apparently, I have changed my mind. What I will not write about is all those stories that do not need to be put into print! This would mean most of our stories.

 I met my best friend in high school when I was 15 and she was 14 years old. We were “thick as thieves” in high school. Our friendship continued into college and after. I met the next “batch” of girls in college. The group has grown over the years by adding co-workers, other friends and cousins to “the girl’s group.”

 Over the last 35 years, I have been to weddings, funerals, baby showers, ect. I have watched all of our children and “fur babies” grow up. I am now waiting on the first grandchild, which hopefully is not too soon. Grandchildren will just confirm that I am now old!

 What makes these friendships endure? I have had plenty of other friends that come and go, but this groups always seems to stay together. I had other friends in high school and college, but rarely am I in touch with many of them.

 I have learned over the years that there are a number of different types of friendships. There are work friends, neighborhood friends, colleagues in your line of work friends and social friends, to name a few.

 When I first started working at my first professional job, I became friends with my co-workers. I worked in a physical rehabilitation hospital and we went through a lot of emotional situations in dealing with our patients. The staff would lean on each other for emotional support through these times. My boss would even have socials at her home for all of us to get together for cook outs and stress relief. I even recall a few weekend beach trips with them. However, when I left the hospital to pursue another career, we lost touch. I have not spoken to any of them in more 20 years. I can not tell you why either.

 During my years of studying counseling, I read about how some friendships are “situational.” This is when you are friends with someone because of where you work or maybe from the club at the swimming pool. These friends share a common interest. It seems that when this common interest is no longer present, these friendships have a tendency to fade.

 Conversely, I have a friend that I met at my second job and she and I have remained friends for over 30 years. We still chat on the phone, do fun activities together, celebrate all the birthdays and confide in each other. What makes this happen? What makes one relationship thrive and others disappear?

 The advent of Facebook and other social media have allowed people to contact their long lost friends. Have you tried locating someone that you have had no contact with for a number of years? How did it turn out?

 Have you ever had a friend that you thought was super cool and awesome for years, then realize one day that you were wrong? I have had friends that I was extremely close too, then something would happen to open my eyes to what the person was really like. There were times that I did not like what I saw. Research says that sometimes when you do not like something about someone else is because this is a trait that is innate in you. So, you do not like someone because you are just like them?

 I think one reason that friendships endure is patience. I have had to be patient with some friends and I know they have had to be patient with me. Have you ever been in a situation where you or someone else was being completely unreasonable? If you said no, you are wrong. It happens to everyone at some time or another. I know I have experienced both sides of this situation. I find at these difficult times that it is a “test” of the friendship. Most important is how YOU handle the situation.

 My mom always told me, “you may not be able to stop what you are thinking, but you have the power to decide how you are going to behave.” You always have a choice, even if none of the choices seem appealing. In my opinion, this is a true test of someone’s character. I work hard on trying not to say things that I will regret later. This is a lifelong lesson, though.

 So, what makes one friendship last and others do not? I do not know the answer, I was just asking it out loud to myself.

 I have a theory that some people seem to be more “in tune” with your personality. I find I can connect with some people on multiple levels that include spiritual beliefs, social norms and morals and common interests.

 There are some topics that I have learned not to discuss at any time as these can be fierce discussions and can end in an argument. Subjects include:

1.      Religion

2.      Abortion vs. Pro-life

3.      Politics of any kind

4.      Parenting/Discipline

5.      Public school vs. Private school

6.      Vegetarian vs. Non-vegetarian

7.      Hunting

These issues are “hot beds” for debate and can quickly fuel into a shouting match. Steer clear of these issues as you can. If someone presses you to discuss, find simple ways to get out of expressing your opinion. Remember, just because you listen to a person’s point of view does not mean that you agree with them! I use phrases that are benign like, “hmm, interesting” or “really”. Allowing people to have their own opinion should not interfere with your life.

 By the way, I was a vegetarian for 12 years, then returned to eating red meat. I have been on both sides of this discussion and no one ever wins. When I was a single and still a vegetarian, a friend set me up with a guy. Turns out, this guy was an avid hunter. He spent the entire date trying to convince me that hunting was “necessary to maintain/control the population of animals” and “hunting is part of human nature” and blah, blah, blah. What was my friend thinking when she set me up with this guy? Did I wrong her in a past life or something? As you would guess, this was our only date.

 Have you ever had a “friendship crush” on someone? It could be male or female. I am not talking about romantic crushes. A friendship crush is when you just adore and admire someone so much that you may do the “toddler dance” prior to seeing them. I have had many. I also noticed that I would go out of my way and inconvenience others just to please my crush! You do not see their faults, because you think that they do not have any. This can put you in precarious situation.

 Many times, when I have had a “friendship crush”, I do not make good choices. By this I mean, I would do whatever activity the crush wanted to do just to please them, even if I did not like the activity. I would blow off plans with others if my crush wanted to hang out with me. I would refuse to see any negative traits in my crush that other friends would point out, then go onto defend my crush’s behavior!

 Inevitability, there would be a time when a situation would occur that would force me to open my eyes to the true nature of the person that I had a crush on. I realized this person had faults and I was devastated! How could this happen to such a perfect person that I have a crush on? Answer: Because NO ONE is perfect!

 I later realized that I had placed unrealistic expectations on my crush. I had idolized another person and that can be very painful when truth is revealed.

 What makes friendships last for so many years? What cuts a friendship “short”? Do you know when you meet someone that they will be a friend for life? Are you a good friend to have? What constitutes a “good friend”?

 I do not know any of the answers to these questions, but they are put to you to make you think for yourself!

 I think part of the “magic” of long-term friendships are the willingness of you to “evolve” as a person. This means as your life changes that you learn and grow. The dictionary defines the word evolve as “develop gradually, especially from a simple to more complex form.”

 Long term friendships require that as life changes, you change with it. I think as we become more complex people, we learn about ourselves.

 So, I think that all friendships are valuable. However, there is something special about the friends that have a long history with you.

 To my “girls”, I thank you for always being there for me. I thank you for all the fun times we have had and those yet to come. I look forward to more “girls” trips. I look forward to all of our grandchildren, as we will all get together to celebrate. I find myself lucky to be a part of this group.

 If you have friends that you have thought of contacting, do it! Think for yourself what a true friend is and then be that. If you have negative friends in your life, distance them and wish them well.

 Friendships can bring much joy to your life. “Old friendships” remind you of the magic that there is in living your life!

 Too my “girls”, Cheers!

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