#the prison arc breaks me every time

[arminsumi]

First request ever: Can you make a story about Gojo, where their both in a relationship but gojo had to end it because he was afraid that she would be in danger?

Thank you! Keep up the good work, I love your stories!!!

LET ME MARRY YOU

↳ GOJO さとる + fem!reader

The risk of dating you his too much for him to handle, so he breaks it off, only for him to come back to your doorstep years later and ask: "Let me marry you."

2k

Note : istg each time i edited this... the wordcount grew lol. i hope u enjoyyy 🥹💗 tysm for enjoying my work it means everything

Warnings : angst -> fluff (?) -> happy ending trust me, Shibuya arc spoilers (Ep 9), manga spoilers (chapter 221)

🍒 More from Jay : Gojo works / Gojo fave works / JJK works / oct. reqs open

The risk of dating you is thrilling when Satoru's just a teenager in puppy love. But as he grows older, and heads into those dreaded 20s, the risk makes him more and more nervous.

What if something happens to you?

He presses kiss after kiss to your forehead and feels his chest tremble, feels his lips quiver, as he refrains from telling you the truth about the Jujutsu world. Satoru just can't do it.

There are so many instances of him saving you from curses that you're oblivious about. He just smiles strangely, and you wonder why he looks like he's just seen a ghost. Because he has, those pretty eyes see ghosts. But those pretty eyes also see you, "What am I looking at?" he responds after you ask why he's looking at you so tenderly, "I'm looking at my future wife." he flirts just to fluster you.

That's at the cafe, when things are still simple. He keeps thinking to himself, as he lays with you in bed some nights;

I want to marry you.

I'm going to marry you.

Please let me be your husband one day.

As if he's trying to manifest it.

Everything is okay-ish... until he gets pangs of fright when your name starts to be known outside of his closed circle of friends.

It's October 11th.

Gojo Satoru breaks up with you.

He leads you to believe that the two of you are just "right person, wrong time". It all hurts an incomprehensible amount for him, to finally cut the string that tethers the two of you together.

He sits on the stairs, head in his hands, mourning.

He starts many mornings with crying spells that last until midday.

He destroys evidence of you and him. In case anyone ever finds it and thus finds your apartment, or work, or college... or anything.

But he can't part with a very special photo. It's you and him in Okinawa, sharing a cheesy kiss at the beach. In the moment this photo was captured, Gojo remembers having whispered some dirty joke in your ear and that's why you smiled so big into his kiss.

He drifts to sleep to the lullaby lovesongs that defined your love.

Years pass, he refuses to even talk to you. The heartbreak worsens with time, he laughs when he realizes that on his 27th birthday.

Isn't time supposed to heal all wounds? Someone said that to him once. Well, they must have been lying without realizing it.

The day Gojo Satoru is sealed, he looks into Suguru's eyes, and remembers you through them. When he resides in that awful prison realm, he only thinks of you you you you you you you oh god he misses you so much that it feels like the very thought of your smile stabs his chest. Every memory is painful. Every flashback puts one more crack in his heart.

"Can't I ever catch a break...?" He laughs to himself, chattering skeletons making their eerie symphony around him.

He thinks. Ponders. Wonders. Broods. Daydreams. All about you. Always about you. Never anything else. Just his first love, from the late spring of his 17th year.

His earthly goddess.

The purpose of his benevolent actions.

He cries. And sobs. And weeps. Because no one can hear him but the skeletons and he's sure they don't mind the sight or sound of a 27 man howling in pain over a lost lover.

It's not just your relationship that he's mourning. But the fact he can't feel you in this cube... that he can't feel your presence in the world... that's worse than the heartbreak. At least through all these years, he's been able to sense your existence. Feel the subtle ripples of your soul no matter how distant you are; you'd be stood in a coffee shop, he'd be at Jujutsu High teaching, and yet feeling you.

Because as he promised to you at 17, "Half my soul is yours. And half your soul is mine. I'll always be with you even if I'm not there."

He has the biggest breakdown of his life in that little cramped suffocating claustrophobic eerie creepy box.

It's 19 days later. He's out. He's back in the world. And he feels the sense of you, your existence, swelling in his chest, tickling his mind, prodding his heart.

"Gojo sensei, where are you headed?"

"I'm gonna go find my other half." he says cryptically.

It's a stark bright day.

Gojo Satoru knocks at your apartment door.

You open it.

He looks at you, and you look at him.

"Hi."

"...hey...? Wow. Haha... you grew into your features, huh?"

Your voice fills his heart with life.

"You too... glad you still live in the same place... I was worried you might have moved out..."

"... Ah, Satoru, you'd be able to find me no matter what corner of the world I resided in."

Your laugh fills his mind with pleasant memories.

There's an a magnetism between you and him just like there always used to be. It feels like two magnets connecting at last, after feeling the distant attraction throughout all these years of distance.

"You're right." Satoru says after a silence of just staring into your eyes.

"I'll always find my way home."

A silence ensues after he says this.

"...haha... don't cry... or I'll cry..."

"... Satoru... I thought of you every day after you left me at the station."

"... me too."

"... why did you leave?"

He stares at you.

"... I was scared of you being in danger."

He gulps.

"Me? In danger? But you're the strongest, why would it matter."

Oh god that's right. You said it then when you were 17, "You're the strongest" and he carried that title with him from then. And now you've said it again. He's reminded. He feels a bit stupid. A bit ridiculous. A bit...

"You're right..." he chokes up. "I am. I could have protected you I guess..."

"... yeah, duh."

He smiles meekly.

It was more complicated than that, sweetheart. But I won't tell you.

He hesitates. He contemplates.

"I have to tell you everything... will you promise to believe everything I say even if it sounds insane?"

"Of course. What is it?"

He inhales deeply. And instead of blurting out his whole life story of being a sorcerer in the Jujutsu world, he just leans in and kisses you hard and truthfully. Cups your cheeks. Closes his eyes. Tastes you like a sweet from his childhood that he hasn't had for years. Presses to you. Takes in your scent.

Yeah yeah... he'll tell you everything in a minute.

But for now just let him kiss you until he runs out of breath.

Let him just...

"Hey..." he pulls away, gasping, "Let me marry you."

"Haha, Satoru..." you take it as a joke and laugh, because it sounds as bizarre and unexpected as one. Then you realize there's that serious look on his face. "... Satoru?"

"Can I?"

"... what?"

"Can I please?"

"... huh??"

"Can I marry you, please?"

He looks at you and waits for your answer. His poor heart. It's palpitating. His whole chest cavity inspires with love for you. This man that you haven't seen in years has just asked if you'll let him marry you — with very specific wording.

Can he? Will you let him?

It's funny in a way, because you think to yourself; this is such a Satoru thing to do... show up unannounced years later on your doorstep and ask for your hand in marriage as if no time has passed, as if you know the full story.

"Satoru... what happened to you throughout these years for you to come back to me and ask for my hand in marriage?" you ask, genuinely baffled.

He swallows slowly. "I know I sound like I've lost my mind. But I promise I haven't."

"That's hard to believe. The Satoru I remember was always on the brink of mania. A bit insane but not quite."

You make him laugh. "Yeah..."

"So are you asking to marry me out of insanity?"

"No."

"Well alright then. I guess I'll marry you."

You make him laugh again, with that funny tone. He hasn't laughed genuinely in years... it's always been that plastic laugh. But this is his genuine laugh. Silky and quiet. The opposite of his demeanor.

"I guess I should be explaining everything to you properly... before I ask you something like that."

"You're damn right..."

"... don't scold me too hard when I tell you all the reasons I left. Or, if you do, then at least hold me while you scold me. And run your fingers through my hair like you used to."

"Satoru."

"Yes?"

His heart throbs. He looks at you.

"Stop standing at the doorway and come inside."

"Oh."

You sigh. He smiles. Then he bows his head so it doesn't hit the top of the doorframe. Damn tiny Tokyo apartments. Your archway always had it out for the crown of his head. You laugh when he bumps into it just like he always used to.

So the two of you sit down and just talk. And talk. Maybe cry a bit. Actually, you cry a lot. And he holds you. And he says he's sorry. He says sorry over and over, as if the word is a bandage he's trying to wrap around all your heartbreak wounds that he caused.

"I'm sorry."

Satoru's apologies aren't easy to come by, and when you receive them, they nurse your heart. It's the gentleness with which he says it, and earnest too. Each successive sorry means more than the last.

"My angel..."

When you call him this after he vents to you about his time in the Prison Realm, and his overwhelming duty of being the strongest, he breaks down completely and just weeps in your arms.

He sobs like you've never heard him sob before, like a dog.

Finally. At least for a moment. He could be weak. Let down his guard. Be raw. Be emotional. Not a teacher. Not a sorcerer. Just your boy. Your Satoru.

Your consolation is all he wanted throughout these years. He looks up at you, eyes red and sore, nose sniffling, and stares at you like he can see your soul.

"...Satoru?"

"Marry me."

You chuckle again.

"If that will stop your tears..." you joke.

He sniffles loudly and swallows, composing himself.

"I thought about marrying you so much when we were together... 'n I tried so hard to bite my tongue when your name nearly rolled off it while talking to my students some days. I was always..."

On the verge of saying your name.

He sniffles long and hard and waits for your hand to weave into his hair.

"Will you think about it?"

"I will."

There's a silence. Satoru feels hopeful. He lays on your chest, arms around you like you're his whole world that he won't dare let go of again.

"There." you say with finality. "I thought about it. Let's get married."

"That took you, like, ten seconds."

You laugh with him. "Yeah... I already knew in my heart when you asked me at the doorway... you know... Satoru... it's funny. When you left, it felt like half my soul was gone. And when you knocked on my doorstep, it felt like I was whole again. Does that sound freaky, or does it tie into all this... Juju... Jujutsu stuff?"

He's silent.

"I have no idea."

"Wow. My future husband isn't knowledgeable at all." you joke.

His heart flutters at 'future husband'.

"Sorry." he says, smiling softly, "My mind is blank when your fingers are running through my hair."

The two of you go on and on, until you're laid in bed sleeping at each other's side. Resting. And god, did Gojo Satoru need a good rest.

In your arms, he's no longer an insomniac.

© arminsumi

Do not plagiarize / repost / translate / copy layouts / etc.

Do not steal what I've worked hard to create.

[kiramarien]

If I got a nickel every time a cartoon I love

based on a book

based on mythology

about a teenage boy

who stumbles upon an ancient artifact that gives him powers

that's being sought by this cocky guy with daddy issues

who's right arm is mechanical some of the time

and his Dad is this massive guy with big horns (and sometimes glowy blue eye(s))

who's being manipulated by a powerful woman

that he freed from her centuries old prison

who may have had noble ambitions in the past, but now has been consumed by power

and the woman possesses a young girl in order to get what she wants

and sacrifices the lives of her minions in order to unleash her ultimate weapon ->

(Dozens of Gum Gums) (Spider Queen, Huntsman, Syntax, Goliath, Not- Mayor) You know what I'm talking about :(

and she's got this indentured servant *cough Slave cough* (with pretty gold eyes 😘)

who she refers to as "Her Champion"

who travels using shadows (I could not find a single picture of Angor Rot using his shadow staff)

who was really sweet and kind in his past but then... well... stuff happened

and has lost his right eye

and he's been killed before

but the big bad restores him back to life so she can use him

and he gets a redemption arc at the end of season three

and the main character doesn't have a bio Dad, but he attracts plenty of father figures throughout the course of the show

and he gains a non-human form that makes him even more powerful

and him and the others gain an armor upgrade at the same time

and the girl of the team has short black hair with dyed stripes

and you know the guy with daddy issues who wanted to steal his artifact in the beginning? He becomes one of the protagonist's closest friends

and there's this gentle giant character

who becomes one of my most beloved characters of all time 💕💕💕

and he has a history of violence and trauma

and has now vowed to be a devote pacifist

but breaks his vow in order to protect the people he loves (with angry glowy eyes to boot)

and has a deep love for cats (yes, I did just do that)

...then I would have two nickels.

Which isn't very much, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?

(That last drawing was made by @jezfez81. Thank you for letting me use it!)

What the heck happened?!?! This was just supposed to be a comparison between Sandy and AAARRRGGHH!!! Where did all these comparisons come from?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?!?!?!?!?!?

(this took way too long to make, please give it some love :3 )

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[stealth-black-leg]

Crocodile really is The Character of all time.

He's first introduced as a terrifying villain in the shadows who's killing an entire country of thirst and orchestrating a civil war while posing as their hero. He runs a vast criminal organization while having immunity from the government. He's viciously cunning and dreadfully powerful. The first time Luffy fights him, he never even touches him and very nearly gets killed. It takes him THREE times to finally beat him, and hardly. Just by the events in the Arabasta saga, Crocodile would've gone down as an amazing character and villain.

But then.

But then, like eight arcs after Arabasta, Luffy breaks into Impel Down, where Crocodile happens to be imprisoned. And he just. First he says HISASHIBURI DANA MUGIWARA in an incredibly deep and sexy voice that has me giggling and twirling my hair. Then he gets blackmailed by IVANKOV who knows A PERSONAL SECRET OF HIS and we're all looking at him like

AND THEN Crocodile joins Luffy to break out of prison and go to war, but not before taking a detour through Newkama Land because god forbid Crocodile showed up at Marineford wearing dirty prisoner rags. On their way out they meet Blackbeard, who starts rambling about his evil plan and Crocodile is like "who" and Blackbeard says "me" and Crocodile replies "no, who asked you" and moves on because he really couldn't care less about that mf.

And then. And then.

They arrive at Marineford. And Crocodile PEAKS at Marineford.

He shows up in this huge battlefield and he hates EVERY SINGLE PERSON on it. Fuck you, Whitebeard. Fuck you, Doflamingo. Fuck you, Sengoku. Fuck you, Mihawk. Fuck you, Akainu. He's completely unhinged. An agent of chaos. And if he ends up picking a side, he does it because FUCK COPS THAT'S WHY and isn't that the noblest of reasons.

And then he comes back over a decade of publication later to create a bdsm gay polycule with a sex dungeon along with a misanthropic swordsman and a clown.

Not to mention he's also Luffy's mother

[uneducated-author]

Okay but the fact that Dazai, Chuuya, Mori and Ango are all embroiled in this prison break planning arc is so funny to me. There must have been meetings. Ango has to confront Mori, who he betrayed (who took a vow not to kill him), Chuuya, a fastidiously loyal member of the organisation he betrayed, and the indirect reason that his partner fucked off for a semi redemption arc (going from calamitous threat to major nuisance) who probably also wants to kill him, and Dazai, who is Dazai. Ango doesn't know where they stand but it isn't here, that's for damn sure.

It's like the worst school play ever. Mori is on make up. Ango is tech support. Soukoku are having a showmance and it's probably their version of foreplay. Chuuya and Dazai are one upping each other with embarrassing bets. 'I dare you to do a screech like a dying washing machine with a cat inside' 'BITCH- fine but only if you play rock paper scissors and explain how you win every time'. Nobody wants to be here. This seems worse than the apocalypse they're trying to prevent.

[cc1010fox]

Announcer: Welcome to the Coruscant Cage Fights, boys! Where we fight our brothers because our brothers don't break easily. The rules are posted on every wall, but the most important rule is: No one warn the newbies about Commander Fox. Fives, through the laughter of other clones: Commander Fox? Of the Coruscant Guard? What? Does he come in and break up the fights? Rex: Shhh! They're about to announce the first match. Echo: Please don't be me and Fives. We train together every day... Announcer: Speaking of Commander Fox, remember, if you sign up as an ARC trooper, you volunteer to be matched with commanders. So let's hear it for our busy leader, Commander Fox! Fives, through the cheers: He fights? Rex: Oh yeah. Come on, let me be his opponent. Echo: Why? That sounds like a boring match. Announcer: Everyone send your condolences to his opponent-- Fives: Tch. Rex: Me! Me. Come ooon... Announcer: ARC Trooper Fives! Rex: You? Why not m--Just don't embarrass me. Echo: You're fighting a commander? Fives: It's just Commander Fox. How bad could it be? Rex: Well--Actually, nevermind. Fox, announcing to the crowd: I won't be able to take my time on this one. I have to get to the prison in half an hour. Fives, to Fox: I don't know the etiquette here. Do I let you win so you can get back to work--? Fox: ...I can be late. An hour later: Fives: Wh--...Where am I? Rex: Med bay. Fives: This isn't our med bay... Echo: That's not a good sign. Rex: No, this is the Coruscant Guard's... Fives: When did we arrive on Coruscant? Rex: Oof. Fox didn't just knock you to the ground, he knocked you into the past. Echo: He didn't just beat you, he punished you. Fives: ...Wait. It's all coming back to me...You knew he could fight like that, didn't you? Why didn't you warn me? Rex: It's literally against the rules.

[angolicious]

I raise you-

• Fyodor Dostoyevsky who very very secretly…. deep within him…. Actually likes to be babied by his love.

• It doesn’t come out until after he’s terribly wounded during the prison break arc. ((HES ALIVE AND IM MAKING SHIT UP LET ME HAVE THIS IM DELUSIONAL.))

• Fyodor Dostoyevsky who rests on your chest for hours, his exhausted body curled into yours are he relishes in the way your hand sweetly rubs up and down his spine to comfort him.

• Fyodor who lets you redo his bandages for him on his wounded hand, and feels such warmth swell in his chest from the way you treat his wounded skin so tenderly.

• Fyodor, who’s only downfall was never trusting anybody… feeling a tinge of something new in his chest for you as you treat him with care when he’s vulnerable.

• the man who’s been manipulating you all this time… finally feeling something so real… and palpable… and warm towards you…

• Fyodor, who’s been taught to never rely on anyone for his whole life, having no choice BUT to trust you in this state… and you don’t break that trust.

• The way he suddenly finds himself so… so… needy for you. So desperate to feel your warmth. Desperate to rest his head back on your soft chest and listen to your heartbeat… reveling in the way your hand holds his wrist just below the line of his bandages and massages slow circles into his pulse.

• Fyodor, who’s astounded by the intention and awareness behind your care…. The way you take note of every grunt of pain… every soft whimper… every time he lets out a sigh of relief at your touch… the way you start memorizing the points of contact that relax his body… a hand in his hair… on his lower back… his wrist… his hip.

• Fyodor, who feels truly safe. Not because of his intellect for once, but because he can trust that you won’t let anything bad happen to him while he’s wounded…. You’ll hold him until he’s better. You aren’t going anywhere.

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[mcyt-trios]

PROPAGANDA:

Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss:

Listen to me closely. There is no other alliance on the whole Traffic series as based as them. They did EXACTLY what they set out to do. Did they Gaslight? Oh fuck yeah. Did they Gatekeep? You better believe it. Did they Girlboss??? By the good grace of god they did!!!!!!! They are simultaneously the blueprint for every trio of mean girls in a 2000s high school movie and the most genuinely devoted alliance on the whole server. They trust and respect and love each other in ways beyond mortal comprehension. Vote them please I'm begging you.

They were an absolute powerhouse! Also also, Cleo finding herself a group of people who were properly loyal to her after being betrayed for the healing arc. Scott telling them he was the boogieman and refusing to kill even if it meant going red. They're just so hhhhhh

cleo is gaslight (setting things on fire), scott is gatekeep (protecting the base), and pearl is girlboss (girlbossing).

Quite possibly the most ride or die alliance of Last Life. Consistently sharing lives, helping each other get boogey kills, refusing to hurt each other… they were just such a feel good team up for the entire series :] and then they kicked Pearl out in double life :]

Listen they are the EPITOME of ride or die. They love each other so much during that time. Do you hear me. Dear God they are the most precious

Best faction on Last Life. Set the template for pretty much everything Scott and Cleo do together, and set us up for 5AM Pearl.

Boreal Trio:

look. look okay so youve got two battle hardened at least mildly immortal warrior brothers-in-arms slash best friends slash partners for life, and then youve got this anxious, queer wet cat of an enderman who lives in their shed. oooh my god this is gonna be so incoherent im so sorry. ranboo was doing soooo awful when doomsday happened and both techno and phil immediately went him. that one. he needs to be safe and supported and away from all of this he should come with us. only if he wants to. and he did want to!! he was soo anxious but he got more confident!! none of them are great at expressing their feelings verbally (techno is but he also does other things) so they do it in other ways! phil rushing over as soon as he hears ranboo CLOSE to water because he knows it hurts him! techno moving the prison break up from 'some time soon i guess' to 'now now we are leaving now we are doing this RIGHT NOW' as SOON as ranboo gets detained!! avenging his ghost, throwing any and all hesitation about tubbo away to work with him because that was what ranboo wanted, that was what he asked. always checking in and making sure he was okay. all three of them are soooo dysfunctional but i love them so much. think of the mansion raid streams!! techno and ranboo off adventuring, phil taking care of the animals and getting up at 3am real time to trigger their stasis chambers!! they care about each other all so fucking much and they are a family! please vote for them i will be very sad otherwise :(

[elmhat]

Dreblr Survey Results Pt.2 - Sharing the Joy!

Here are the results for the longer questions! These are some of the lore moments, AUs and headcanons that we love.

I haven't included every response, only the ones that seemed the most unique and non-repetitive. There were a lot to sift through. Everything here has been directly pasted from the form.

Lore moments we love...

Punz & Dream's reunion

The staged finale reveal were c!Punz meets c!Dream again

“Long time no see Buddy!”

'LONG TIME NO SEE BUDDY'

"long time no see buddy!" NEED I EXPLAIN ANSJSJDJENSNSKSKS

Moment staged duo got confirmed they were still working together I predicted that shit ages ago and I won't shut up about the fact i was RIGHT

I think there are two moments that are far too important for me. The first one being the moment that Punz and Dream met up after Dream got out of prison. It was so so magical, after A YEAR of waiting and clinging to the idea of stages finale, after it had been so long and people that just didnt believe saying no, it's not stages because it doesnt make sense or that it got retconned, They Were Wrong. And they couldnt take that win from me, even if they tried. It was even funnier when I saw people a day later finding the clip of Punz and Dream talking about Drem's "betrayal", long before he had been imprisoned, and they called it "a lost clip". But it wasnt lost, not to me. I had always known and I Had Been There when it had happened. Unbelievable, I really felt like I Won.

Technonblade & Dream being besties

c!dream admitting to c!techno he can't read a map

Anything with c!drunz or c!rivals but especially the moment on the mountain with c!rivals

DOOMSDAY RAHHGHHGH

Prison Podcast, it was so fucking funny

The Techno and Dream prison podcast will always be important to me

Prison break. Dream being surprised at returning for him

prison break, largely for the mass dreblr hysteria

...I'll have to say the jailbreak; I was hoping for one since before I saw any of the streams - back when all I really knew about the prison arc came from the title of a DSMP playlist that YouTube's algorithm recommended to me on my second day in the fandom (true story) - and seeing it play out honestly made my entire year.

The finale streams

i think about the discduo finale every day of my goddamn life

Tommy realizing the truth about Dream

The moment in the finale where c!Tommy asks c!Dream to take off his helmet and he does it. I shed real tears.

The moment where cdream metaphorically lost his mask and was just someone, all of a sudden

The disc finale, which can be read on so many levels with the infos you're given it's actually incredible.

The DSMP finale doesn't just hit hard, but I also enjoy the conclusion it gave to the conflict between Dream, Tommy, and the prison era, especially looking it at from a literary view.

The 2nd moment is more really the entire actual finale between Dream, Punz, Tommy and Tubbo - Staged duo got revealed to the wider world and my friends and I were celebrating for having been proven right again, it was just so amazing. And it really continued on and ended better than any of us could have hoped for and anyone arguing that it's bad that Dream got redeemed And Then The Nuke Happened, in my opinion, fundamentally didnt understand what Dream and Tommy's whole Feud was about - yes I said that Tommy is my least favorite character, but that's a good thing for a lot of instances, especially the finale, so when He Finally Understood His Enemy, I was downright in tears Sorry for the rant, I had to get all of that out qwq

when dream and tommy realize that it was too late

"Do you want to be friends?"

Sam & Dream being generally insane

the sam "when it was just me and him" moment <3

Sam and dteam’s conversation after techno escapes the prison

"Unless you're saying I'm not a person" lives rent-free in my head forever.

Can I put the entirely of Daedalus arc in here? Probably when Dream said Sam was going to be a shining example not to fuck with him!

c!Dream killing c!Sam once in prison (post escape, when c!Sam was locked up) after days of letting him live. It's special because for the crimes that had been committed against c!Dream in that cell, he was rather merciful. Particularly for his reputation as a heartless killer.

Sam talking about fucking dream up real horny like

Sadness

Just say you hate me<—- millions died

george looking at the prison every time hes is close to it WHY DID KE KEEP DOING THAT

The Karlnapity breakup hurts so good

When Sam was about to kill Ranboo and Techno cried out "you've got the wrong person! Dream doesn't care! I care-" then Ranboo died that fucked me up

So many moments. I had heard of and seen things and knew a bit about DSMP before. But I believe the first stream I watched live was the disc finale. So I'm gonna say "what am I without you? Yourself."

dream's 'sir' moment

Not really a specific moment but Dream going back to pandora afterwards everything. Him *dying* there? Ouchie ouchie ouchie

And more!

Initial disc war/conflicts, <3. The banter and jokes are so dear to me, and that was how I found the DSMP in the first place, so they have a very special place in my heart.

Destruction of Las Nevadas when c!Q was completely destroyed lmao. It feel like serenity to me. Justice, y'know.

vassal scene just everything about it when wilbur asked to be dream's vassal what it meant for their character arcs it was a turning point no going back and it meant so. much. for their characters.

The 'Daddy Dream!!' moment. The funny overshadow The turning point for c!Dream. He's chill with L'manberg at that point(whaaa??) Wilbur pushed him into a role with Threats (will be so Ambitious) it's just Very interesting in general

Ranboo giving Techno the new axe ☹️🤧

Idk if it counts as lore but Dream following Puffy around the server

ranboo trading foolish ownership of the shulker for a favor. and then forgetting he did this. an insight into enderwalking ranboo

Bro EVRRYTHING involving c!dream even in the background for 0,01 sec

C!George blowing up the whole dsmp and killing everyone and reaching godhood in his dreams, C!George standing in front of the prison longingly during a c!q lore stream, C!Dream's spirit speech 🥰🥰, the whole final minutes of the c!discduo finale with the nuke and the softness and vulnerability in dream's voice, every time dreamXD appeared 💖💖

Theyre not one of my favorites, but I did watch all of aimseys dsmp streams. Their thing was "Never waste a pretty sunset," and if I think about that on the way home from work, sometimes I'll take the longer scenic route to get a really good view of the sunset, just because of that phrase.

that bit when c!tom uno reverses put your armor in the hole

George destroying the dream smp, doomsday (techno pov) Dream prison escape confrontation with Tommy. Nicheal

“i don’t give a fuck about spirit!” it was such a distinct turning point from “bad guy” to villain. i love dream as a villain bc he was so goofy and awkward and then bam angst.

"It's just a stupid egg Skeppy!"

When wilbur lost the election. It was my first lore stream and after that it only improved in my eyes

The entirety of fundy's arc with wilbur, im still insane over that. Also when sapnap said he was born in fire that was swag

"I'm his friend, Tommy", "If my best friend is a necromancer-", literally any moments where someone is acknowledging themselves as Dreams friend or that they care about him.

I really like Dream and Sapnap’s confrontation after Dream escaped from prison, and also the staged finale reveal with Dream meeting up with Punz. They’re such good character and plot moments!! (Also there’s the entire prison arc but this thing would be 12 paragraphs long)

Quackity eating Schlatt’s heart on stage

I'm a BIG BIG BIG fan of c!q getting the message to go back to schlatt by being called sugar pumpkin. Something about it is so fawking sleazy

Tubbo pulling an axe on Quackity when he threatened to execute Ranboo

Schlatts death, everyone banning together and him thinking it was his birthday

i'm bizarrely fascinated by punz (attempting to?) convince purpled to join forces with him & dream. idk man it mesmerized me

dream beating Tommy the fuck to death DESERVED

AUs and headcanons we love...

Animals/forms

White enderman dream

cKarl and cDream being bunnies 🐰

Dragon!Dream where XD suppressed his hybrid traits so he’d possessive but doesn’t know why

Goat-hybrid c!Dream and obvs puffy as his mother

WORM BABY DREAM

wolf!Punz!!!! I don't see enough of it but it fits so well!!

Shapeshifter dream

Cdream is just a pair of empty clothes.

Dream being just a human is really cool

Ships/relationships

c!dnf being canon after all

c!DNF were secretly engaged before shit hit the fan. Nobody knew but them.

i love xdnf i think its just so funky, XD as a whole is such and underrated character and i loved his interactions with bad, george, and foolish a lot.

Soulmates but they're aware of it and time spent without the other one knowing slowly kills them (madduo ofc (": )

I know it ain't most peoples cup of tea but I love the family dynamic headcannon between puffy dream and foolish

Dream isn't Puffys bio son and she didn't adopt him when he was little, she just found this grown ass man following her around the server and decided that's her baby now

awesamity forced dream into a relationship during prison i think thats neat and fun to experiment with

Sad Dream

that after prison dream is more animalistic in his movement

Anything related to scars or injuries that c!Dream got from the prison

His hair turning white from revival and stress Or runes from revival on his skin

White haired streaks, scars staying after the dsmp finale, Dream suffering temporary or permanent hearing and vision loss, Dream being created by or otherwise connected to XD somehow, Karl or Wilbur coming back after the dsmp finale with all their memories intact to see everyone getting along happily and being like “what???”

Syndicate Dream

Syndicate Dream is the beloved AU. Let my man heal and have friends and healthy relationships and pets.

syndicate dream! also love the winged dream aus :3

I love post-prison Syndicate healing AUs and the $100,000 duel scar

Former gladiator c!Techno and post prison syndicate healing aus with c!Dream

any dream with the syndicate au tbh.. the soft healing is so perfect <3

cDream peacefully recovering at the Arctic Commune is something very soft and fluff and close to my heart.

I still love Syndicate!Dream AUs (or really any AU that sets him in a place where he can actually try and heal from everything that's happened to him)

The Syndicate AU is just so sweet. It's literally the only "good" ending, I'm sorry. I just love it very, very much.

Dreamon

I love the dreamon stuff

Anything involving Dreamons/Dreamon hunters, esp. that focuses on expanding the worldbuilding and not just “generic demon possession plot.”

We glossed over the "Why does god look like you?" and the whole Dreamon mini arc Far Too Quickly, Like YOU GUYS, WE COULD HAVE HAD MONSTER HUNTERS AND MORE WORLDBUILDING-

Birdhouse? I think?

kat and angela's coparent au

jmah nifty

idk what jmah/mayfair is but i keep on seeing posta about it that seem epic :D

is awesamdream in gay love even a headcanon anymore /j . scrapped lore canon. uhhh. prison drugs??? uhhh. schlatt initiated revive book deal. all ive got boss. lots of fav AUs but jmah + birdhouse + 7y are the ones that spin around in my head rent free that are my own. and coparent makes me SAD

Butterfly chat

dream's butterfly chat headcanon

The butterflies

physical manifestations of chats!! especially with dream's as butterflies or other bugs that typically symbolize things like peace and light

And more!

Dream, George, and/or Sapnap getting involved in Eggpire

My friend and i made a percy jackson au that was really good

Its more of a fanfic where everyone are small bloobs and the reader takes care of them

And Tubbo and Fundy like modded stuff, I bet they could have convinced Dream that they could like a new mini mc project, like idk, smth vaguely based on stranger things but also magic and paranormal and just ughhhhhh, I miss it so much

C!Dream Autistic

Dream is blind in one eye Don't know why but I love that

c!quackitys fucked up eye is magic now that trope just SLAPS. I like the c!Tommy "came back wrong" stuff too.

The Cornelius and C!Dream headcanon.

Syndicate Dream aus are always so comfy, I enjoy reading those a lot. Protégé Tommy aus can be fun to read (I love a good discduo dynamic). I also love reading superhero aus, as long as they don’t depict Dream as a cardboard cutout of evil. I like to read a lot of aus, but those ones stuck out to me especially.

Ranboo's enderwalk isn't actually taller he's just more confident and stands up straighter

Love manhunt AUs, they are the best. also love when Dteam focussed superheroAU. for canon compliet love cDNF or George just going of his rockers. George going insane after canon also great.

I had a headcanon that gods can't fit entirely in the world of the server: Callahan left his voice out, Drista and Kristin left their bodies and possessed players, and DreamXD left his real face so he made a new one from Dream's

Ranboo, Punz and Dream held a disney movie night marathon before staged finale in order to get inspiration

I adore the convict childcare au so much

Ran and Tubbo's son Michael is mute and they use sign with him sometimes

Techno helping dream in prison after quakty would come by letting him have techno’s cape

Everything is the same except everyone is a sock puppet

Pandora's Vault as a living entity

my self indulgent splatoon crossover

Does Eret's finale stream idea count

Modern AU is rotting my brain and sparing none of my braincells

The idea that the revive book as ‘threads’ of life that just take someone out of death by dragging them out of their limbo or weaving their bodies kinda like crocheting

Minecraft worlds are servers +admin + XD was the failsave for the server but got corrupted and gained sentience

I'm attached to the c!q being a trans dude trope . Like yeah little loud poly bi shortguy with something to prove is transgender BIG shocker

Dream comforts Punz after the Egg and frequently checks his eyes for him

Also Guard Dog AU by sunny and all its variations because I love that angst and everyone's take on it REALLY GOOD

Love black dog au so far. Favorite headcanon is that dream has a lot of inhuman traits and is very very expressive!

C!DNF roleswap au by me because it's very self indulgent and brought many demons and my friends have helped on it <3.

C!dream living in Kinoko, with what it implies for c!dteam, c!dream & XD, the c!fiances (because Q will still be around) and c!Techno's interractions with the kingdom

Dream is homeless from techno, its just really funny to me

c!dream eggs monday. does that count?

Okay so theres this AU that only got like two posts on tumblr I think its called Stoplight? Where Dream is an eldrich abomination that thought he was just playing with his friends and that none of the wars were real, hell he doesn't even know what war is! He thought all of DSMP was just one big game of Manhunt where he pretended to play and had a safe word system which Ranboo triggered on accident and revealed to everyone that Dream could stop all of this at any time.

My own canon-divergent AU featuring enemies-to-friend pre-finale Dream and Tommy, 👍. Tommy stalks Dream to a house he made, tries to kill him, fails and gets captured, Dream experiments revival on him and ends up making him immortal, Tommy decides to drag Dream down with him and also make him immortal, and they somehow kind of become “friends” along the way. They are very dear to me, <3. As for a headcanon, the first thing that comes to mind is the idea that Dream’s first limbo was the prison. Another one, tho, is the idea that the revival book is binary, and that when it gets burnt it worms its way into the code, bringing the specified player back to life.

Sorry to the people whose responses were cut. There were just so many. Finally, there will be another results post soon for all the crazy things that were said!

[cocktailjjrs]

So, Chapter 112 is out.

We don't exactly get much of explanation or distinction from S5 ending ep.

Mori, he really just glued in the fangs for FUN! What even is the Mafia! (Plus, Dazai Laughed!) We had old man Yaoi. I am not going to talk about it as we already know what went down there. We got Kunikida, Atsushi and Tanizaki. And Gogol man being sad (it broke my heart again to see his reaction). Ngl, even i would be sad if someone killed my Situationship But not Chuuya calling out that Situationship, lol (That was my exact reaction when a friend of mine told me she was in one and how it works) SKK bickering, still. And Fukuzawa being handed the greatest responsibility.

All in all, everything we had seen so far, only an added reaction here and there.

Next chapter will most likely also follow through the rest of the episode. But nothing much is left, so chances are that we may get new content. Or latest by April.

This all seems well and good, but I'm suddenly feeling anxious about how things are going to progress further.

I've said time and again, BSD takes 'it can't get worse than this' phase and just proves it wrong again and again. We reach new rock-bottoms every time.

So, things looking up now, gives me anxiety that something is going to go horribly wrong. (Cue the flashback of the 'Two hours later' bit)

All things that can horribly go wrong:

Everything with Soukoku at Meursault. I find it so weird that we are not getting detailed explanation of how things are proceeding there. We have seen Dazai and Fyodor play mind games for so many arcs now, there is always an explanation at the end of each one. But this doesn't have that 'satisfactory' level of explanation yet. Yes, Chuuya again came to Dazai's aid, but how? How did Dazai knew that the Vampires were turned in his favor. Would killing Fyodor (if he actually is dead) really be wise? How is he sure that it was Fyodor plan all along to get killed and he played right into it? You know when things are kept ambiguous, as most things related to Prison break arc are, it means there will be some facts that will come in light later. And that's what I'm scared of because it can be anything! It does not help that Dazai is yet to take that antidote! What if it doesn't work? What is Nikolai goes for revenge? Since he love's loosing himself and that's why he fought, so what if he continues? Can Chuuya's gravity manipulation even be effective against someone like Gogol? He can just go from one place to another, dodge all of Chuuya's attacks. We also know he can use his ability with Dazai as long as he isn't touching him. What is he takes the antidote form the case before Dazai can take it? That makes him such a kryptonite for Soukoku.

Then we have,

The Shin soukoku's battle against whatever that (Fukuchi) was. Two hours, if you think about it is not a long duration of time for things to start fucking up suddenly. There must be something already laid in waiting for it to start going shit when time comes. We are yet to get the details of how the Vampirism is going to wear off. Because it does, Akutagawa was back to normal when he was fighting with Atsushi. Sskk teaming up is well and good, but can they stand against that being? They had a hard time dealing with Fukuchi only a while ago, this enhanced being will be much tougher than them. What if this also is set for failure? only for the world to be purged into more chaos? Maybe i'm being a bit to pessimistic, but i've lost confidence in the mangaka's they always do the unexpected and kill everyone's favs, fr.

That also makes me think

Will taking on the role of Mankind's leader, lead to Fukuzawa on a deeper end? We know he struggled earlier, before founding agency, with his assassination work. He had refused to work in the war for a reason. Won't this be undoing everything he's worked for so many years? Also, taking in that honor from their government (or officials, i don't exactly remember what it was. I'm talking about the appreciation symbol of katana'?' they received at the beginning of S4) that basically led them to take on that case that declared them terrorists. Won't taking the role of Mankind's Leader also make Fukuzawa susceptible to be declared as the Mankind's Enemy? This seems similar to that previous situation. Reminds me of how Ranpo called this responsibility, or last wish, a curse. And Ranpo is always right, so there's that. Maybe that's how they are going to introduce the next adversaries?

Too much uncertainty and what-ifs.

[disfrutalakia]

I'm still too head in hands crying about the 4halo situation to make a post about them that is not "I want them to crash and burn" so Instead I will analyze Forever and why he said that he was happy somewhat that the feds drugged him. Under the cut as always <3

First, I don't think it's easy to understand how truly angry Forever was the day the eggs got taken, cause from other povs he looked collected, he had to be after all, he is the president, he was the only one with enough power to question about the eggs, he had to be the one to resolve the situation, right?

And of course people asked him or help, begged him for answers he didn't have and on that day the only thing he could answer was "I don't know, I'm sorry" and he was sorry, he wanted to help, he wanted to see his friends smiling, he wanted to see the eggs. He wanted his son back.

He didn't break down when he saw Richas shirt, he didn't break down when he saw the other beds. But what broke him for real was the lack of answers from Cucurucho. He begged for a meeting, for answers. And as the hours passed he lost more o himself, the anger slowly consuming him and the clock becoming louder in his head, until he started making bombs.

Now, it's important to note that Forever had never made a mine before that moment, he doesn't like them and he hates that they could harm the eggs, he doesn't think they are fun. But still he made a bunch of them, created a slingshot so he could throw the mines better and then he went off, stayed at his office for 2 hours, without moving just waiting.

And like it was not a in character time skip, he actually spent 2 hours without moving on stream just letting his camera show the day passing behind him, and the clock would only get louder and louder.

Finally cucurucho appeared, met with him and all it did? Told him he could now have a gun and about the prison, Forever could only laugh maniacally, asking for answers o his son. And then he ran off, building a tnt plane to explode the whole island, ready to force them to turn the island back in time until the eggs were back.

The stream closed after the meeting with cucurucho, and then the next day Forever was there with the big smile and the pills in hands, it was scary to watch. But we all know how the arc end.

I want ti truly talk about why Forever appears grateful for what happened to him, he was out of control, the anger was taking over every single part of his brain and we know that, and he knew that. But people don't know that, they didn't see how angry he was, they thought the clock and the anger was only the effect of the pills.

The closest someone from the outside got to seeing the anger that was bubbling on Forever beneath the drugs was Bad, when he found that book on a sleepwalking Forever, and yeah he couldn't immediately pierce together but we could, the book showed how afraid Forever was, how much he hated the kind of violence he could bring to the island.

He hates that anger, more than he could ever hate the pills, cause in a way the pills pacified the monster inside him. Forever sees himself as a monster who needed to be put down, and in a way that's why he s trying to help Bad, he believes the same thing is happening to Bad, because he knows that if the pills hadn't happened he could be in the same state right now. Don't get me wrong, he cares for Bad and wants to see his friend truly well, but in a way, saving Bad is a way of saving himself, of proving that the monster inside him can be stopped.

Forever feels a lot and he feels deeply, but he also has the tendency to hide what he is feeling and thinking until things become too much and he explodes, which is what happened after the eggs disappeared, all his anger exploded. And it's something that will happen again, Forever feels alone, like nobody is there for him (and yes I know he doesn't always help with the prison thing, but that's another can of worms that I don't want to get into right now) he is more and more frustrated currently, wanting to be good, wanting to be helpful. But nothing he does feels like enough for him or others, at least in his mind of course.

He is a very caring person, and has a big heart but he is still mourning and that together with the weight of the whole island on his back? Someday it will be too much.

[avatarkurukdefender]

Since the adhd brain refuses to cooperate and let me finish chapter two of A Literal Team Avatar...might as well talk about it instead

Specifically about the Boiling Rock arc

Aka the arc where I get to go full whump writer and torment the beloveds

:3

Kuruk and Roku are gonna get captured after the failed invasion during the eclipse (fpr reasons that I will not spoil)

And they are going to be taken to the Boiling Rock and will be there for about three weeks, maybe a month since that seems like how long that time period was.

That will be the worst time of their new lives

They will be separated almost immediately upon arriving, with Roku being taken to solitary confinement in the freezer (where he will stay for at least like sixty to seventy percent of his time in the prison) while Kuruk is taken deeper into the prison.

Ans the Warden will take EVERY possible precaution to make sure Kuruk cant bend. Because its one thing to hold a powerful firebender, just lock them in the freezer and they cant bend. No problem.

But keeping a WATER bender from bending in a prison that is literally SURROUNDED by water is a much more difficult task.

So Kuruk will be kept in a very hot, very dry room. Dry air will be filtered through at all times, he will be guarded at all times, there will be MULTIPLE locked metal doors before even reaching his cell, and most importantly

He will be heavily restrained.

Hands completely covered in metal cuffs, more restraints on the elbows, knees, and thighs and ankles, even a shackle around his NECK to really keep him as still as physically possible.

Oh did I mention that they will only give him the BARE MINIMUM amount of water needed to keep him from dying of dehydration (like once every five days)

They'll feed him even less.

Anything to keep him weak, prevent any chance of him breaking out.

Because Kuruk is definitely the most dangerous person in the prison and if he got out all hell would break loose

Meanwhile Roku is just gonna be left alone with his thoughts, with his guilt because this was all his fault, it was his fault that they got captured it was his fault that Kuruk was suffering and he was helpless to stop it, hell it was his fault that this entire war was even happening!

Because even thought he's in solitary, in the freezing cold, unable to bend, he's not actively being STARVED to death (even though he's only getting fed a bit more frequently than Kuruk) and being constantly kept on the brink of dehydration and close to heatstroke.

It will be such a relief when Sokka, Zuko and Yangchen come to rescue them and eventually Suki, Sokka's dad, and the other inmate guy whose name I cant remember.

The only reason Kyoshi wasn't allowed to join the rescue mission was because both her mentor and her former pupil being held hostage would make it be an absolute BLOODBATH.

It will still be a mass homicide when Yangchen sees Kuruk in his current state. Jst not as bloody, because she can just make people's lungs collapse, trap them in an airless void or just obliterate them with a close ranged scream.

Kuruk will get to drown people with boiling water, as a treat.

Zuko is gonna realize just how lucky he was that Aang is a pacifist because air nomads can become absolutely terrifying when "all life is sacred" goes out the window.

There will be three chapters before the actual boiling rock arc begins

One when Roku and Kuruk are first brought to the prison.

Another on how they're doing during the Sun Warriors arc

And a final one the night before the rescue trio arrive at the prison.

(The chapters will be titled "No Mind To Think." "No Will To Break." And "No Voice To Cry Suffering." Yes that is a Hollow Knight reference that game is a masterpiece, one of my favorite video games EVER and I cant wait for Silksong so bite me)

Why does this arc have to be so far away :(

Anyways enjoy

[stemms]

Me and @haunted-here came up with a Protege AU featuring two c!Tommys and one c!Dream, entitled CD AU. Initially, there was only Reverie — Dream’s obedient protege, Dream himself, and Punz. But one day, while Reverie was patiently waiting for his owner’s return, he was visited by Clem — a much more mentally stable version of Tommy from the post-prison arc. Dream was a time traveler, which is why he recognised Clem and didn’t hesitate to use his memories against the boy every time he got the chance to (e.g. the time he made potato soup using Techno’s recipe, and then taunted Clem about his understandably uncomfortable reaction).

During the visit, Clem couldn’t help but feel deeply concerned about Reverie’s conditioned responses, constant stuttering and trembling, as well as his unhealthy physical state (more precisely, his white streaks, eye bags, trembling hands as if their nerves had been severely damaged, and his tattered clothes). Unlike Clem, Reverie felt no resentment towards Dream — only adoration and unyielding devotion, causing them to excuse every single action of his. Clem desperately attempted to convince the boy that it was never his fault, he didn’t deserve to be hurt, and Dream was only making up excuses to keep hurting him. At first, it didn’t seem to work at all, but eventually, it caused Reverie to start doubting Dream’s intentions. That’s when the man returned, and he was far from pleased with their visitor, to say the least… 

After a brief exchange, Dream found himself growing impatient with Clem’s presence, eager to bid him farewell and return home with Reverie. However, his little protege managed to convince him to let Clem stay. Dream feigned dissatisfaction with his little brother’s plea, but accepted it instantly, curious to see what it’d lead to. Upon witnessing the mix of terror and discomfort on the boy’s face, Clem regretted it immediately but agreed to stay anyway because he wished to be there for the little him, and potentially help him escape in the future. Dream forced Clem to empty his inventory, just like during the boy’s exile, and the trio headed towards Dream’s cabin. On their way home, the man’s demeanour towards Reverie turned notably colder, shattering the boy’s spirit and driving him to entertain suicidal thoughts once again. Luckily, Clem noticed his frustration and attempted to comfort him for the first time in his life.

Upon reaching Dream’s cabin, things took an unexpected turn as the newcomer’s defiance frustrated the admin enough to punish him already. However, it wasn’t going to be the typical punishment the boy remembered from exile — this time, Dream forced Reverie to deliver it. Before the punishment, Dream had already fractured Clem’s hand, so the punishment consisted of breaking his other hand with the blunt side of the axe. When the punishment was successfully finished, Dream left the boys to chat in Reverie’s room, while he was busy cooking.

During their break, Clem and Reverie had an emotional conversation about the punishment — Reverie was deeply sorry and believed that he didn’t deserve his friend’s forgiveness, but Clem reassured him that it wasn’t his fault because he didn’t want it to happen, it was Dream’s idea. Upon calming down, the boys braided each other’s hair to feel better, and suddenly, Reverie recalled Punz’s approaching visit and came up with a fun prank, consisting of dressing in identical clothes and pretending to be the same person to confuse both Dream and Punz. 

Upon meeting the boys, Punz was rather perplexed, to say the least, as he remembered only one Tommy. However, upon seeing Dream’s unimpressed and somewhat irritated reaction, he teased him, “What, you can’t tell them apart?” At first, the admin tried to ignore their antics, already knowing which Tommy was his, but soon enough, he lost his patience and grabbed Clem’s freshly bruised hand harshly, eliciting a pained whimper, and addressing Punz, “This one is Clem, and our Reverie is right here.” 

When the dinner was over, Dream had a little surprise for the boys — two green butterfly earrings with GPS trackers. Initially, they were destined for Reverie alone, but since Clem joined their family too, the admin decided that it’d be only fair if the boys shared the gift. Dream did have a piercing needle, but he preferred to use a piercing gun instead, just to elicit more pain. Upon finishing piercing the boys’ ears and putting the earrings on them, the man welded them into their skin to ensure that they didn’t ever lose them, whether accidentally or not. Yet, as Reverie watched Dream ruffle Clem’s hair condescendingly and speak to him with such disrespect as if he were a pet, he felt genuine anger for the first time in so long — it was evident to everyone in the room, but he desperately tried to prevent himself from lashing out at Dream… for now, at least. Both of them have been through too much pain for just one day, after all. However, when the boys were finally alone in their room, Reverie couldn’t take it anymore and lashed out, accusing Dream of hurting his friend and treating him like a pet. Unfortunately for him, the man was still standing behind the door, and listening carefully to every bitter word escaping his mouth… 

The next day, Dream was unnaturally calm and kind, which only heightened the boys’ panic and desperate attempts to avoid more pain. Despite the man’s peaceful attitude, Reverie didn’t forget his fury, he was only trying to suppress it as much as possible. Yet, at the sight of Dream ruffling Clem’s hair with the familiar condescension of yesterday and taunting him, his protege couldn’t take it anymore, so he lashed out and physically attacked Dream by digging his nails into the man’s hands and striking him in the chest. Unfortunately for him, the man caught his wrists in the middle of the third blow, and pushed him to the ground, pinning his chest with his knee. Upon telling him just how much he fucked up, Dream pulled Reverie to his feet, and dragged him to the torture chamber. Reverie was forced to sit on the chair, as his fingers were crushed in the thumbscrew one by one — every finger being a punishment for every time he had disobeyed the man (which even included the things Reverie said about Dream last night behind his back), while Clem had to watch... At the end of the punishment, the blond was asked to guess the reason for crushing the next finger — if he guessed right, it’d be the last finger, if not, two more to go. His answer ended up being incorrect. 

These are all significant events that have happened so far, since it's a pretty new RP/AU, but we’ll keep writing lore update posts from time to time, so expect more soon!

Also, as a little side note, we came up with duo/trio names that you may see on our blogs:

Torturetrio: Dream, Clem, and Reverie

Cdcdduo: Clem and Reverie

Gappletrio: Punz, Clem, and Reverie

Rattortureduo: Dream and Punz

Pinnedbutterflyduo: Dream and Reverie

Bloodorangeduo: Dream and Clem

[callmearcturus]

can i just defend myself and explain why i am obsessed with mission impossible????? please? i know Cruise is a cultist and that is genuinely bad and makes this my ultimate Problematic Fave but also please god i need to ramble about this

ghost protocol, right?

this is a Leverage movie okay? there's a lot of pretty people with interesting motivations and they do ridiculous heists for the greater good.

the physical comedy element is off the chain from the start with the prison break sequence where Ethan Hunt has a nonverbal argument over surveillance camera with Benji Dunn to affectionately bully him into going off-script for the mission, and then blows him a little kiss of thanks.

the Burj Khalifa stunt, which is entirely practical and is not CGI and happened on the actual location, is so fucking bugfuck crazy that it makes my heart race every time, and on top of that it's a GORGEOUS sequence and its funny and it's character-driven and the greatest moment in the movie is Ethan's running leap to propel himself into the window at the end, only to bonk his fucking head and nearly die at the last moment. it's a miraculous sequence.

i love Carter so fucking much, and I am OBSESSED with Mission Impossible and gender. the number of times the expectation I would expect gets inverted is so crunchy.

Jane Carter has the most motivation of everyone, with her boyfriend getting fridged in the intro and propelling her to be more ruthless and reckless than the others. she gets the very dude-coded backstory and role, and it plays beautifully off Ethan because there is never a single moment of the movie setting her up as his love interest, not ONCE and so they have this wonderful equitable relationship where they've both gone through similar trauma and he tries to advise her on how to handle it, and it's SO NEAT

also speaking of gender stuff, the way Carter has to seduce the rich guy at the end but at every turn is being coached by Ethan on how best to seduce the guy, and everyone just accepts that Yep, Ethan Is The Guy To Help You Seduce A Man, mwah, love it, amazing.

also as someone who is Hugely Ambivalent to Jeremy Renner

(MOSTLY BECAUSE I literally know he can act, the first thing I saw him in was the fucking Hurt Locker okay but it feels like his agent is an idiot and keeps netting him Incredibly Generic Roles, but at least in Mission Impossible he's working with the material as much as he can)

ANYWAY I actually like Jeremy Renner in these movies instead of forgetting he exists which I think says something. and it was a small thing in 2011 but the blaise "Next time, I get to seduce the rich guy," moment really does work.

Rogue Nation

Fallout is the best MI movie but Rogue Nation is my favorite MI movie, because it is just a fucking comedy and it's the real start of Ethan's deepening emotional arc and I'm OBSESSED with it

also Ilsa fucking Faust, my god

Ilsa is one of my favorite ladies in these action movies? she feels like a boot to the face of Bond movies, she's beautiful but she's not a young woman, she has genuinely complex shit going on, she's the true fulcrum the movie pivots around, she has a very specific fighting style that stands out, and she's another Not Love Interest?

like, Ethan likes her and there's that moment when she asks him to run away with her, but the way the camera treats her makes me so happy? like if i were in a movie, i would want the camera to look at me like it does Ilsa, does that make sense?

also benji runs this entire movie. i love his growth and his comfort in his work. in Ghost Protocol, Benji was green, but in Rogue Nation he knows what he's doing, he resents being protected, he is reliable and thinks on his feet, and he yells at Ethan when Ethan is being a dick.

in another moment of Huh Gender Stuff, Benji is the one who is positioned as Ethan's Love Interest structurally. he is with Ethan the most, he grounds him but also sparks off him well, he is Ethan's connection to the world and the avenue thru which he shows the most emotion, and when Benji's kidnapped in the third act Ethan completely loses his shit and kidnaps the Prime Minister and basically does whatever it fucking takes to get him back, the degree to with Benji is Ethan's motivation in RN is kind of staggering.

also i love ethan hunt and RN is really where that starts.

Ethan can swing around the Burj Khalifa and do a 100mph motorcycle chase and well i guess the free swim didn't work out Great for him, but when he's not doing superhuman ridiculous bullshit

i'm obsessed with the growing emotional core of Ethan. his fatal flaw begins to emerge in RN, that his job is to save the entire world from certain doom, but his judgement is Fucked.

that goddamn glass box he's locked in. he sees a young IMF agent killed, and it sticks in him like a lodged dagger. he risks himself over and over to try and get Ilsa out of her own fate. he does Batshit Things to save Benji.

I know that James Bond has kind of become a reflection of itself, on how terrible James Bond, about how reprehensible a person he is. the Craig movies I've seen have been pretty upfront about that baggage.

but... he's still a misogynistic bastard who will kill people to finish his mission. and the movie acknowledges all that but it's still the driving force of the movies.

Mission Impossible doesn't just nod at "hey Ethan's kinda fucked up huh" and then keeps doing that. Ethan's flaws are getting worse and causing more and more problems for him and everyone around him.

Fallout

there are a lot of moments i love in Fallout but there is one I cannot dislodge from my brain

wait first: August Walker is amazing and i love him

i love that the movie makes no attempt to hide he's the bad guy. i love how he keeps trying to introduce himself to the IMF team and everyone no sells him, because everyone hates the fucking CIA. i love his arm reload and how brutal his combat style is compared to Ethan's.

he's so fucking FUN.

but anyway, the thing that Fallout does that I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about is Ethan and the traffic cop in Paris.

this mission has been on the knife's edge of disaster from the word go, Ethan has been mocked and pushed around and disregarded, Ilsa is after him, he's just pulled off an extremely treacherous betrayal and an even more dangerous escape, everyone is getting into the car with Lane, and they open the doors and there's someone RIght There. the wrong place, the worst possible time.

everyone freezes. Walker is ready to shoot her, just another piece of collateral damage. but Ethan spends an extended period just stopping and pleading in French for this lady to leave. Please, just go, please walk away, please do not get involved in this.

He could shoot her, or get in the car and drive, hoping she'll get out of the way, or let Walker take her out, or attack her and nonfatally injure her to get her out of the way. They really really don't have time for this shit.

But something in him is fucked because there is a nuclear apocalypse on the line, but Ethan stops to try and keep one bystander out of it.

POINTS

I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS CHARACTER. WITH THE GUY WHO IS LITERALLY GETTING MORE AND MORE COMPROMISED BY HIS EMOTIONS AS THE FRANCHISE GOES ON. THE GUY WHO KEEPS FUCKING UP BECAUSE HE'S NOT WILLING TO MAKE A HARD CHOICE AND LET SOMEONE DIE TO SAVE MILLIONS. THIS IS A PROBLEM, AND IT'S GETTING WORSE.

i love John Wick. I love the beautiful choreography of death. I love the showmanship.

But there's something about how Mission Impossible takes death seriously and the way Ethan tries to minimize harm even when he really shouldn't that captivates me.

also the cinematography is amazing.

THAT'S ALL. I love the Chris McQuarrie Mission Impossibles. It's SUCH a problem.

[phoenixkaptain]

I wanna talk about Star Wars comics and how fucking funny they are??? And how with the power of hindsight, they can make Luke and Leia so obviously twins??? (The finish each others sentences!! They both think about stealing an Imperial fucking Star Destroyer at the exact same time!! Luke says “Han is gonna hate this idea” and Leia replies “All the more reason to do it” !! They are TWINS babey!!)

Darth Vader knowing Luke is his son before Empire Strikes Back is the best move ever. Like, you can read Empire Strikes Back as him knowing (he calls Luke “Skywalker” on Hoth, after all) but making it obvious? Chef’s kiss. Darth Vader sending multiple bounty hunters and Stormtroopers and Aphra all after Luke, but specifically requesting him alive? Every single person who confronts Luke being like “Why the FUCK does Vader want you alive?? Has he even met you??? I met you five seconds ago and I want you dead, Vader is so powerful????” Vader purposefully ruining other Imperial plans to catch Luke because he’s the only Imperial who gets to have Luke? Him calling him exclusively “my son” in his inner dialogue? Him being like “The world and the galaxy and the Empire and everyone I know could literally die right in front of me in a fiery death but that is secondary, can I have my boy or what?”

(Luke over there like “Hmm. For some reason, I feel like I should meet Vader.”

Leia: “Ignore it.”

Luke: “Yeah, okay.”

Vader: “…hello darkness my old friend-“)

I love Sana but I specifically love her relationship with Luke. If you were to tell someone that a smuggler and a princess were friends, you’d be describing Sana and Luke’s relationship instead of Han and Leia’s. What do I mean i’m so glad you asked-

Luke, very excited: “I got to drive the Falcon :D”

Sana, very tired because this is right after the prison break arc and Luke was unconscious and threatened with death five seconds ago: “This child is too young to speak to me.”

Luke: “What do you mean about Han and Leia?”

Sana: “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

Like!!! Sana!!! Leia is the SAME age as him!!! But no, Luke is the babie one, it matters little that he blew up the Death Star, he is the sheltered princess of the relationship while Sana is the world-weary smuggler who feels dirty just standing next to him. Their dynamic is fucking gold and I will not hear a single thing against it.

Okay but can we talk about Vader Down? The story arc in which Aphra says “Skywalker is on Vrogas Vas” and Vader comes out of hyperspace in the exact area the x-wings are doing drills? The story where Luke is like “hm, how best to deal with Darth Vader… I think I’ll crash my ship directly into his, sending us both plummeting to what might be our deaths, that might work.” (Vader: “Finally, a pilot who is worth facing off against wait a second that feels like-“) The story where Leia is like “Everyone around me is dead except for me, but Vader obviously left me alive in hopes I’d lead him back to the base, but I’m going to do the opposite, actually, and I’m going to stand here and wait for him and then tell the Rebels to blow us both up. Yes, I’ll die, but so will Vader, and that’s worth it.” (Vader is not actually thinking she’ll lead him to the rebel base. He (correctly) assumes that either Leia will find Luke or Luke will come to Leia) Dr. Aphra come over to try and help capture Luke because her options are 1. Capture Skywalker boy and bring him to Vader and Vader maybe won’t torture her to death, or B. Vader definitely tortures her to death.

The actual reason I love Vader Down is actually a combo of two reasons. First and foremost, Luke gets captured or knocked out or otherwise incapacitated (or just passed from one group’s hands to another) like ten times. It’s a running trend in the comcis, actually, Luke’s slipperiness that resembles how impossible it is to catch him in the Thrawn trilogy (Luke should be impossible to capture, it’s really what he deserves). The second reason is because Darth Vader finally commits murder of the person I want to see him murder, “General Grievous 2.0, this time he’s a cephalopod.” Or, Karbin for short. The way he gets him?

1. Big rock bridge

2. Vader pushed Karbin back a bit with the Force

3. Vader walks off of the bridge

4. Aphra rams into the bridge with her ship

5. Murder

It’s a foolproof plan and really, just, very well executed, 10/10 all around, I can’t get over Vader casually just walking off of the bridge

(The comic ends with Luke being like: “I feel like there was something I was supposed to learn in that big ol’ Jedi temple down on Vrogas Vas. Like the Force or something wanted me to know something. Or learn something. Hmm. Guess I’ll never know what it was. ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ “

Vader: “…all around me are familiar faces-“)

Luke and Darth Vader and Vader being like “pleASE just GIVE ME my BOY” and the Force going “haha nope” while Luke accidentally gets lost on his way to literally everywhere is so good. Luke and Obi-Wan, who left Luke his journal that Luke pulls out every once in a while to read is also, I must say, just wonderful.

Obi-Wan is the oldest 40yo ever, give him and his joints a break please and just let him pat the small child’s head once or twice, Owen, please, it might keep him sane, it’s for the good of the galaxy-

No what I actually like are the rock people. The Force rock people. The glowing blue Force rock giant people who were worn down by tiny humans until they became mountain ranges and who Yoda revives. The tiny blue rock baby children who Luke meets for the literal first time in his entire life and is immediately like “I would literally doe to protect these babies. Get behind me children, I am very willing to be stabbed multiple times if it means that baby rock people remain unharmed.”

Luke gets stabbed like eight times, honestly, are the baby rock people worth it? Yes. They are. Thank you for asking-

But, this is all 2015 run stuff, and that’s a bit hnfair since I also love the earlier comics! I promise, I really do!

2004 run had Skippy the Jedi droid, which automatically makes it the best comic ever written, even if Luke does look like he has a haybale on his head. And it had Qui-Gon “I do what the Force tells me to do. Why did it tell me to do this? I don’t know, I did it because it asked and now it’s done. Bang up job, Obi-Wan, let’s go home” Jinn. Space Jesus Darth Vader, anyone? Strangely sexualized female characters? Fucking skirt slits up to everyone’s waist, because the artists have never tried to wear a skirt before? It even has Mara Jade! Truly, this comic has everything.

1977 comic run? Well. I have one thing to prove that this is worth your time. The comic isn’t great, the art is very strange, none of the characters look like their actors (it’s pretty cool that He-Man got his acting start playing Luke Skywalker-), and everything is a little bit off. Not to mention Leia’s strangely prominent breasts. Why are they like that? I’m confused.

Why should you read it?

Darth Vader floaty a cup.

[misslaevna]

A little rant about episode 11

Just finished watching episode 11, and to be honest I am so, so disappointed. I'm not one to complain openly about something, but right now I feel like it's time to.

Spoilers below, also tw: personal opinion, if you can't take that, please do not read this.

Also I'd like to state that I like bsd. I love bsd, I wouldn't have a blog and a tiktok account dedicated to the series if I didn't - this isn't to hate on the series nor on Asagiri, just my two cents regarding the plot.

I have voiced my concerns to friends and mainly on discord how the current direction of the manga and the plot worries me, and I am beyond stunned that my biggest fear actually came true.

All the 'Fyodor is my comfort character' personal stuff aside, I feel like since the prison break arc started, the quality of the writing and the plot hit an all time low.

From my perspective, we got this huge buildup about Fyodor being this absolutely genius of a character. He is smart, he accounts for every possibility and there is no detail that he could possibly miss.

On the other hand, we have Dazai, who is, well, just as smart and perceptive as Fyodor.

So, we have two very smart characters up against each other, which I get why is challenging from a writing perspective, however (especially) since the intrudction of Time Cat Lady, I feel like the writing went from a carefully and logically built up plot to throwing in deus ex machinas and a looot of explanations afterwards to conveniently give the upper hand to Dazai.

I have no problem with Fyodor dying and Dazai emerging as winner (actually I kind of do because I would've loved to see the Agency or Atsushi or Ranpo take him down, but what else could have possibly happened anyways? Dazai is a fan favourite, we don't kill the money machine), however I have a bone to pick with the execution.

I think I would've loved to see a more carefully constructed plot where I can actually root for characters and actually worry for them. Asagiri pulled way too many 'oh they look dead but oh wait actually this and that happened which the reader wasn't aware of so they're not dead' shenanigas to the point where, in my opinion, as readers we simply just couldn't take any major character 'death' seriously - they'll somehow be resurrected anyways or it's gonna eventually be revealed that they weren't even dead to begin with.

And this was the case with Dazai and Chuuya here as well. To me this feels more like trying to put out a fire because of being cornered and having created characters so smart that they prove to be too difficult to write (at least in a pace fast enough for monthly chapter releases?) than actually putting effort into the plot.

All the 'well actually Chuuya wasn't even a vampire' bullshit to me was just way too fucking convenient. I'm happy that Chuuya is alive and well, but this too just served as a convenient plot point to give Dazai the upper hand while dumbing Fyodor significantly down.

I'm sorry but I didn't interpret Fyodor's character so careless (especially for someone who's very sensitive about his physical health) as to not take the antidote as soon as he got out. I didn't get to know Fyodor who would just fall for that trick Dazai pulled.

I really feel like we missed out a LOT on Fyodor with no backstory or whatsoever provided. His character stayed shallow and empty, and I'm actually really mad at Asagiri about this because he was supposed to be this very dangerous and complex villain but I feel like what we were teased with was just not delivered.

I really hope we get a more refined manga ending or that this will be better executed in the upcoming chapters.

Once again, I'm not mad about Fyodor dying, I'm rather disappointed by the way it was delivered. It feels rushed, it feels empty and it didn't live up to my expectations at all.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

A War of the Heart - Chapter Four | Luke Alvez x Fem! Reader

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary - tension mounts between you and Luke and Spencer is pushed over the edge.

Category - heavy angst | smut | eventual happy ending.

Content Warnings - very brief mention of losing a father (Luke), slight threatening behaviour, swearing, build up to the prison arc, break ups, drinking, sad Spencer, mentions of funerals and IED’s, war talk, brief mention of oral sex (f receiving), use of “good girl” possessive behaviour, slight dominant Luke, penetrative sex.

WC - 5.4k

Chapter Four

Present - Quantico, Virginia

You didn’t sleep much that night, too many things swirling around your head. Between Spencer and Luke, how were you expected to get any rest? Every time you drifted off you would be awoken by thoughts of one of them. You’d had several cups of coffee before you left for work but by the time you made it to the office you were still completely exhausted.

You were earlier than the rest of the team after you’d given up on sleep and decided to come in and get a leg up on your paperwork. But you were clearly not the only one with this thought, as not half an hour after you sat down at your desk, you heard the bullpen door open. 

You turned in your chair to face him. Even in war time you weren’t sure Luke had ever looked so terrible. His usually neatly swept back hair was all over the place, he had heavy bags under his eyes and his shirt was creased beyond belief. He made a beeline for your desk and you stood up as he reached you. 

“Uh look what happened last night…” he stuffed his hands in his pockets as if it was the only way he could physically stop himself from touching you. 

“Will never happen again. Trust me.” You were quick to add. 

“Good. Good.” He nodded, one hand slipping back out of his pocket with something in it. “I wanted to give you this.” 

You looked down at what was in his hand and your stomach coiled into thick knots. You quickly snatched the Polaroid out of his hand and stuffed it in your own pocket. 

“Why do you still have that?” You spat a little. 

“Why would I have thrown it away?” He shrugged. “Lisa found it. She knows about us, just so you know. She won’t tell Spencer so you don’t need to worry.” 

Why did it fill you with joy to imagine Lisa finding that photograph of you, wearing nothing but her boyfriend's army jacket? If it was you, you would have dumped his ass on the spot. Clearly noticing the small hint of a smile on your lips, Luke shook his head. 

“She didn’t break up with me.” A smirk twitched at his own lip. “She understood. Just like Spencer would if you weren’t so goddamn stubborn to tell him. Do you think I enjoy lying to him everyday? I like Reid, he’s a good guy. I hate lying to him.” 

“Well that’s not your decision to make.” You growled. 

“Why not? I could quite easily tell him everything. Including how you kissed me last night.” His smirk grew, challenging you. You clenched your jaw tightly. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” 

“Wouldn’t I?” He folded his arms across his chest, straightening his back as if to try and intimidate you. 

Sure, Sergeant Luke Alvez had been intimidating at times. He was strong and broad and had the kind of eyes that could send you to hell with one glance. But he was forgetting that you’d seen him at his most vulnerable. Post-coital when his walls were down and he would snuggle against you and pepper kisses against your skin. He’d cried into your arms when he found out his father passed away. He wasn’t as intimidating as he wanted to be. 

“No, you wouldn’t.” You took a step closer to him. “You think Spencer would thank you for telling him? You think I’m the only one that information would make him hate? You lied to him too, and I seem to remember you were pretty complicit in the kiss. If you try to take me down, Alvez, I promise you, I’m taking you down with me. I’m not your lowly private anymore. You don’t control me. I will not back down. If you want to try and fuck up my life, be my guest. But I will not go down without a fight.” 

Luke had a signature tell you’d seen more times than you could count in Iraq. It wasn’t as though he had an anger problem, but he was known for having an extremely short fuse. The littlest thing could set him off, take him from zero to a hundred. Soldiers often walked on eggshells around him, scared to set him off. And the one tell-tale sign he was about to lose his shit completely was when he started poking his tongue against the inside of his cheek like he was doing right now. 

You’d seen Luke at his angriest many times, on occasion it had been directed towards you and you were fully prepared for him to do it now. The vein in the side of his head was pulsing a little and you were ready for him to go full throttle and let you have it. And he probably would have done too, if it weren’t for the fact the doors opened and Emily and Tara strolled into the bullpen, chatting away over their morning coffees.

“Morning Y/L/N, Alvez.” Emily called over as she headed up towards her office.

“Morning guys,” Tara added, coming to a stop at her desk. 

You both offered them a small wave in reply before Luke turned back to you, anger still ruminating behind his eyes. He went to walk past you to his own desk but as he did, he growled one final thing in your ear, making sure to speak quietly enough that Tara wouldn’t hear. 

“I can’t believe I ever thought I loved you.” He spat and continued to his desk. 

And for some reason, hearing that was worse than anything else he could have said to you. 

***

You’d been so wrapped up in Luke’s reappearance in your life and trying to ignore all the unresolved feelings that went with it, that you didn’t realise Spencer was struggling with his own issues until it was too late. 

Of course he’d mentioned his trips to Houston and the subsequent moving of his mother into his apartment when he thought he could handle everything on his own. But then after the night at the bar he stopped talking to you, he was away from the BAU more and more and you barely saw him. 

In that time Luke hadn’t spoken to you either, unless it directly pertained to work. You often wanted to seek him out, maybe even apologise and try to salvage a friendship in this wreckage but you were far too stubborn. You knew him and Lisa were still going strong as you caught the occasional phone call he had with her. But you knew to leave well alone. It would take time but maybe one day the two of you could be civil with one another. 

It was almost three weeks later, after arriving back from a case in Palm Springs that Spencer finally reached out. 

You’d be home for about a half hour, indulging in the world's largest glass of wine, when there was a knock at your door. You frowned to yourself, not expecting company, putting the glass down on the coffee table and forcing yourself to your feet. 

To say Spencer looked haggard would have been an understatement, he wore his emotions all over his face. He looked like he was fighting some kind of internal battle just by being here. You didn’t speak, simply leant on the door jamb while you waited for him to say something. 

He just watched you for a few long minutes, as if he had no words left. He looked so painfully tired like he may collapse at any moment. Eventually he sighed deeply, running his fingers through his tangled hair. 

“We should talk.” His voice was distant, shattered. 

“Ok.” You nodded, stepping aside to let him inside your apartment. He shuffled his way in, closing the door behind him. “Do you want a drink or something?”

“No.” He was quick to shake his head. “Y/N, tell me one last time. Tell me you aren’t lying when you say you and Luke were just friends.” 

“Spence,” you swallowed, half considering actually telling him the truth. But it had gone on too long now, you’d lied too many times. There was no going back. “Luke and I were just friends.” 

Spencer looked away from you, his brow furrowing and shaking his head. He drummed his fingers against the side of his satchel before reaching one hand inside of it. 

“You see I’d convinced myself I was being paranoid, believed that you wouldn’t lie to me.” He retrieved something from inside the bag and pulled it out. “But then I found this.” 

He held the Polaroid loosely between his fingers, proffering it towards you. When you didn’t take it, he let his gaze fall onto it and you saw the hurt in his eyes. 

You’d left it in a book on your desk at work, maybe even a case file you couldn’t quite remember. You’d meant to take it home and destroy it but kept forgetting to do so. And now Spencer had it. 

“It’s funny really because you could have just been wearing anyone’s army jacket, right?” He sighed. “You can barely see the word Alvez stitched onto the breast. Barely. But you can still see it.” He let go of the photograph and let it fall to the floor, glancing back up at you, unshed tears now behind his eyes. “So tell me again how you were just friends.” 

“I’m sorry.” It was weak, pathetic even. You owed him more than that. 

“You’re sorry?” Spencer frowned. “You lied to me for months. I asked you god knows how many times and you consistently lied to me. Over and over again. Do you really think I’m so fragile I couldn’t have handled the truth?”

“Could you have?” 

“If you’d told me right away, yeah! Sure I would have been a little jealous but I mean, look at him! But I like to think I’m secure enough in myself that I would have handled it. It’s the lies Y/N I can’t cope with. People only lie when they have something to hide, so I can only assume you lied to me because you still have feelings for him.” 

“No.” You shook your head. “No, that’s not true.” 

“I don’t believe anything you say anymore, Y/N. I have enough going on with my mom right now, this is the last thing I need.” His voice shook.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that!” He raised his voice. “You’re not sorry you lied, you’re sorry you got caught. Did you cheat on me?”

“No.” 

Spencer chuckled darkly, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. 

“Stop lying to me!” He sounded exasperated. “I saw the two of you coming out of the men’s bathroom together at the bar weeks ago. When you came back, you smelt like him, did you know that?” 

You did not know that.

“We kissed.” You admitted, pouting your bottom lip.

“So the answer to the question: did you cheat on me, was yes.” 

“Yes.” You croaked, looking at the floor. 

“Do you have any idea what you meant to me?” He suddenly softened, his first tear escaping his eye. “Because I feel like if you did, you couldn’t have done this to me.” 

You felt your heart constrict in your chest seeing him so sad. You hadn’t stopped to think how much this would hurt him when this all inevitably came out and now your heart was breaking because of the pain you’d caused him. 

“I know we joke that I was persistent and kept asking you out over and over again until you finally gave me a shot, but did you ever consider why I was so tenacious? Y/N, I was in love with you long before you agreed to go on a date with me. I was so insistent because I just wanted you to give me a chance, or maybe give yourself a chance, to love me too.” A few more tears rolled down his cheeks and he quickly batted them away in annoyance. 

You had no idea. Spencer had never told you he loved you before, maybe because he was scared you wouldn’t say it back. Before Luke showed up you might have, but you wouldn’t have meant it the way you should. 

“I’m so sorry.” You felt your own tears break free even though you knew you had no right to cry. “Luke was…he was my first love, Spence. My feelings for him were so intense, so all consuming and it just ended in the blink of an eye. I never let myself grieve the end of that relationship, I never let myself get over him. I don’t want to feel this way about him still, I really don’t. If I could just shut these feelings off I would. 

But the truth is, I’m probably never going to get over him. He has this hold over my heart and no matter what I do I can’t shake him. I knew that if I told you about us, you’d see in my eyes what he meant to me and we’d be over. But I needed us not to be over. Because I am crazy about you Spencer, my feelings for Luke don’t change that.” 

“But I would have always been your second choice.” His tears continued to fall and he tried to ignore them. 

“Don’t say that, that’s not-“

“No. Don’t tell me that isn’t true.” He cut you off. “Be honest with me Y/N, and I mean honest. If Luke were to walk through that door right now and tell you he loved you and wanted to be with you, and you had me standing here telling you the same, which one of us would you choose?” 

You wiped your eyes, looking away from him toward the far wall. You wrapped your arms tightly around your body as if it might help protect you. 

“Don’t make me answer that.” You snivelled. 

Spencer exhaled loudly and you heard him stepping backwards. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve. 

“You kinda just did.” He sighed. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be in love with someone who’s in love with someone else.”

You looked back at him, wanting to stand there and argue with him, beg him not to leave but you knew that wouldn’t be fair. You could see how much this was breaking his heart and the kindest thing for you to do was set him free. 

“I understand.” You croaked out. “I really am sorry, Spence.” 

“Me too.” He nodded, stepping back towards the door. “I’m taking a little more time off to try and sort things with my mom and I’d appreciate it if you don’t try and call or anything. I need this to just be over so I can try and focus on everything else in my life that’s falling apart.” 

“Ok.” You agreed. 

He reached behind him for the door handle, edging the door open. 

“I really want you to be happy, Y/N.” He stepped out of it into the hall. “I think you and Luke owe it to yourselves to have a conversation. You need to decide to be together, or let each other go.” 

You watched him go, hating yourself for putting him through this. The last thing you’d wanted to do was hurt him. You wanted to, at the very least, take his advice, but you knew you wouldn’t. Talking to Luke was not an option and the only alternative was that you finally forced yourself to get over him. 

Unfortunately that was much easier said than done.

***

2015 - Brooklyn, New York

It didn’t matter that it had been some five years since your days in Iraq, soldiers always had a way of finding out when they lost one of their own. 

Charlie Reynolds hadn’t just been your neighbour for over nine months, he’d been your friend too. You’d spent many nights talking through that burlap wall, sharing all your stories and secrets with one another. You were the same age, he’d chosen to join the military to follow in the footsteps of his father and grandfather. He was kind, sweet and personable. And he was one of the only people that knew of you and Luke’s relationship and you trusted him with your life. 

When the news of his death reached you, you were crushed despite not having seen him since your reassignment to Afghanistan. The kid wasn’t even thirty, but that was unfortunately how it often ended in the military. 

You’d heard the story through some old army buddies. After the US troops withdrew from Iraq in late two thousand and eleven, Reynolds was redeployed to Afghanistan although miles away from where you yourself were based so you’d never crossed paths. He was sweeping a road one day when an IED exploded, killing him instantly.

You’d been on inactive duty back in the states between tours, due to head back out to Afghanistan in the next few weeks when you’d heard the news. You’d been granted two days of leave to fly out to New York, Reynolds hometown, to attend the funeral. 

It hadn’t even crossed your mind that he’d be here. You spotted him across the church hall where Reynolds' service was being held, on the other side of the aisle and a row in front of you. You only saw the back of his head but it was all you needed to see. You’d long ago memorised every inch of that man, and just because it had been five years, those memories had never diminished. 

You told yourself you’d stay for the service and then dip out before the wake, head back to your hotel and drink yourself into a stupor. Coming face to face with Sergeant Luke Alvez again was not a good idea. Yet, once the service was over, you followed the procession to the bar in downtown Brooklyn that Reynolds parents had hired out for the occasion. 

You felt the moment he noticed you. You were in the middle of a conversation with some old faces when the hairs on the back of your neck stood to attention. You slowly looked up, glancing across the bar to see those intense eyes staring back at you over the top of a whiskey tumbler. And you should have ignored it, excused yourself and just left. 

But you didn’t. 

Your hands were shaking as you crossed the room towards the bar where he was knocking back his drink. You watched him order another, heard him utter the words and make it a double, as you approached. You reached him just as he was handed his fresh drink. 

“I should have known you’d be here.” He sipped the whiskey, turning to look at you. 

“He was my friend.” You shrugged. “It’s good to see you, Sarg.” 

“Is it?” He frowned at you, a look of disdain you’d never seen from him before. 

It had been five years but he looked so much the same as you remembered him, like he was stuck in time the way he was in your memories. And you couldn’t even begin to consider how good he looked in that all black suit or you would spiral down a rabbit hole with no way out. 

You couldn’t say you were entirely surprised by his attitude towards you, you’d expected it to be perfectly honest. 

For a time after you left Iraq the two of you had stayed in touch but it wasn’t easy given both of your demanding schedules. The calls became fewer and fewer and after a while you started to ignore Luke’s calls. Eventually, while back in the states on leave some time ago, you’d gotten a new phone and new number to go with it. 

It wasn’t as though you hadn’t missed him, it was because you’d missed him that you’d had to cut ties. It grew too hard for you to only be able to talk to him on the phone, it seemed easier this way. You’d never realised quite how much you’d missed him until he was standing right in front of you. 

“Yes.” You nodded.

With another sip of his whiskey, Luke seemed to soften slightly as he let out a sigh. 

“It isn’t Sarg anymore, by the way. I’m a civilian now.” He offered you a wry smile. “After we withdrew from Iraq my service was technically up. I considered extending my contract, maybe even deploying to Afghanistan. But I decided against it. I hear you're the one I should be calling Sarg now?” 

“Keeping tabs on me?” 

“Would you believe me if I said no?” 

“Not a chance.” You smiled at him and to your surprise he smiled back. 

“Congratulations. You seem to be doing pretty well for yourself.” 

“Thanks, Sarg.” You couldn’t help yourself. 

Luke downed his whiskey, hissing a little as the liquid burnt his throat and placed the glass back on the bar. 

“You uh…you wanna get out of here? Go for a walk?” He seemed so unsure of himself, a side of him you’d never seen before. 

“Sure.” You found yourself nodding even though you knew it was a bad idea. 

Luke motioned you towards the door, following you outside onto the street. Instinctively you started walking in the direction of your hotel, which was conveniently only a few blocks away. 

“So, you living back in New York now?” You glanced at him as you walked side by side. 

“Yeah, I got a little apartment in The Bronx near my mom.” He nodded with a small hint of a smile. 

“What are you doing with yourself these days?”

Luke chuckled, shaking his head at how oddly normal talking to you like this felt after so long. 

“Would you believe I joined the FBI?” He glanced over at you, his smile bright and the passing streetlamps reflected in his eyes. 

“What? No way.” You scoffed. 

“Yeah, Fugitive Task Force. It’s not actually that much different from being in the army when you think about it.” 

“Wow. So I guess I should be calling you Agent then?” 

“Or you could just try calling me Luke.” He raised an eyebrow at you but you were already shaking your head. 

“No, no I don’t think so.” You chuckled. 

Luke pulled a face that said he surrendered with a shrug of his shoulders, before he grew suddenly serious. 

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Shoot.” You agreed, steering you both down a left turn. 

“I mean I probably already know the answer, but just humour me.”

“Ok…” you goaded him. 

“Why did you suddenly decide to cut me out of your life?” He spat it out fast, like ripping off a bandaid. 

The question had taken up permanent residence in his head for five long years. He often found himself trying to recall the last conversation you’d had, the last thing he’d said to you but he could never recollect it. 

“Honestly? I couldn’t keep letting you drag me into the past.” You smiled a little sadly at him. “I had a real shot of progressing my career in Afghanistan but every time your name popped up on my phone I thought about giving it all up. The marriage, the house in the suburbs, the kids you talked about. But I can’t give it up, you know? I’m a soldier first, a soldier above all else. So I had to cut you out of my life otherwise I would have done something dumb like…like…”

“Like marry me?” He offered you an equally sad smile. 

“Yeah.” You continued walking for a minute or so before you came to a stop outside your hotel. You looked up at it before looking back at Luke. “This is me.” 

He was staring at you in a longing way, a way in which you’d seen so many times before. It meant he had something to say, something on the tip of his tongue that he wasn’t quite vocalising. 

“Spit it out.” You sighed. 

“What?”

“I can always tell when you want to say something but are holding back. So just spit it out.” 

“Ok.” He took a step closer to you. “But you’re not gonna want to hear it.”

“Try me.” You narrowed your eyes on him, causing him to laugh. 

“Fine.” He stepped even closer. “I’m still in love with you.” 

You closed your eyes as his words washed over you, knocking all of the air from your lungs. You probably should have known he was going to say that. It shouldn’t have taken you back the way it did. 

“Luke,” you opened your eyes again, surprising you both with the use of his name. “I’m going back to base camp tomorrow and I start my next tour in a few weeks.” 

“You don’t still feel the same way, I get it, I do. It’s been five years. But don’t give me excuses ok? Just tell me straight that you don’t love me anymore. Please? I think I need to hear you say it.”

A long stretch of silence followed. You had two options here. One: you could tell him what he needed to hear, that you didn’t still love him and let him walk away hurt, but still intact. Or you could tell him the truth, that you still loved him and probably always would and inevitably set you both up for a greater fall. But you never could lie to Luke. 

“The problem with that is, I don’t want to lie to you. And if I told you I didn’t still love you, well that would be a lie.” 

“Huh.” He chewed on his bottom lip. “So uh…what are we gonna do about that then?”

“I’m still leaving, Luke. It doesn’t change anything. Tomorrow I am still-“

“I’m not asking about tomorrow.” He cut you off, stepping closer still until he was right in front of you. “I’m asking about tonight. I’m asking about right now. Fuck tomorrow, I don’t give a shit about tomorrow. What I want to know is what are we going to do about this right now?”

If you were stronger you would have walked away, you told yourself that anyway. If you weren’t still so unfathomably in love with this man you would have turned on your heels and fled to your hotel room.

But that’s not what you did. 

Instead, you better judgement flying out of the window, you closed the space between you and crushed your lips together with a bruising force. 

Luke’s arms immediately wrapped around you, scared you might change your mind. He kissed you back with a deep passion, one that was five years in the making. There on the sidewalk you surrendered to him completely, giving over your control as you so often had to him. It wasn’t long at all before the kiss grew far too heated for the public setting and he tore himself away from your lips.

He didn’t go far, resting his forehead against yours and stroking back your hair in a frightfully loving way. 

“Well, are you going to invite me to your room, private?” 

You couldn’t speak, once again Luke Alvez had rendered you dumb so instead you simply nodded. He placed his hand on your lower back, guiding you inside the hotel. 

The moment you stepped into your room and you had the door closed behind you, Luke advanced on you, kissing you again while pushing you back towards the bed. You let him do whatever he wanted to you, like always. You let him undress you while you laid there basking in his glow. You simply watched as he undressed himself before joining you on the bed. 

He made you come with his tongue in a matter of minutes, screaming his army nickname at the top of your lungs and not caring who heard. He smirked at you, the mess he’d turned you into, while kneeling over you and stroking his hard length. 

“Who do you belong to, Y/L/N?” He asked as he parted your legs and knelt between them.

“You.” You had tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, your sheer desperation to have him again. “I’ve always belonged to you, Sarg.”

“Good girl.” He muttered, lining himself up. “Such a good girl for me.” 

With that he harshly thrust inside of you, causing your tears to overflow and your eyes roll back into your head. It felt like no time had passed. It felt like coming up for air after drowning.

It felt like home. 

Luke made you come again as he fucked you but he wasn’t far behind, filling you with his load. He stayed inside of you, staring down at you for some time before he finally pulled out and rolled down next to you. 

“Do you want me to go or can I stay?” He whispered, reaching out to stroke the side of your face. 

Stay. Stay forever. Convince me not to go. Tell me you’ll marry me and we’ll be together for all of time. Never leave me again. Please? 

You ignored the thoughts swimming around in your brain and shrugged lightly. 

“That’s up to you.” 

“If it’s ok with you, I’d like to stay.” 

“Ok.” 

He wrapped you in his arms, draping the sheets over you both. You rolled onto your side and Luke held you from behind, pressing the most delicate kisses to your neck. Eventually you would fall asleep but for some time you let the tears silently roll down your cheeks while the love of your life held you, knowing you’ll never be able to be together. 

***

You woke in much of a similar position, Luke’s erection pressing against your back. You didn’t exchange any words, you allowed him to part your legs and slide inside of you. You let him fuck you again, using the pillow to muffle your moans and your sobs. Afterwards he turned you over so you were facing him. 

“This was a bad idea, wasn’t it?” His heart shattered in his chest seeing your red rimmed, puffy eyes. 

“Probably one of the worst.” You tried to force a smile. “I already miss you and you’re right in front of me.” 

He nodded, sniffing back his own tears. 

“If you ever change your mind,” he placed a soft kiss to your lips, forcing himself up and out of the bed. “If you ever decide you want to give up that life and settle down, I’m only a phone call away.” 

You watched him dress before he retrieved his card from his wallet and left it on the nightstand. He crouched down next to the bed and you shuffled closer so he could cup your face.

“I mean it, Y/N,” he whispered. “All you need to do is say the word and I’ll marry you in a heartbeat.” 

Your bottom lip quivered, tears still rolling down your cheeks. Marrying Luke Alvez would have been the utmost privilege. But you had other commitments you needed to see through. 

“You should go.” You forced yourself to say, taking him by the hand and removing it from your face. 

Luke nodded, standing back up and smoothing down yesterday's rumpled shirt. 

“I’ll never stop loving you, ok?” He shot you one last look before he turned away, physically unable to look at you anymore as it hurt too badly. 

You didn’t reply. You didn’t have any words to say that weren’t don’t go or please don’t leave me. You watched him slump to the door and open it, taking one last deep breath before he crossed back over the threshold into the corridor and closed the door on you. 

You were still crying when you forced yourself to sit up and picked up his FBI business card he’d left. With a heavy heart you got up, marched across the room with as much conviction as you could muster, and tossed the card in the trash. Holding onto another memory of Luke Alvez was pointless. 

You’d spent five years trying to get over him and in just a single night you were back to square one. Maybe one day you’d be able to tell yourself you no longer loved him, but today certainly wasn’t that day. Tomorrow didn’t look so good either. 

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