#the story is frankly hilarious

[dear-ao3]

every time i dont believe in myself i remember that one time i emailed nearly every person at my college begging and pleading my case for them to fix my financial aid after they changed systems and stiffed me of a solid 10,000 dollars because i could not afford school if they didnt give me back the money and managed to get back the money plus a few hundred dollars extra two days before i was leaving the country to study abroad

[cookie-nom-nom]

Last day of cringetober so confession time: When I was juust starting to read Warrior’s Apprentice (crucial detail: had not read Shards of Honor) I looked at Bothari and was like oh! A guy who helped a rebellion and is haunted by war even as he tries to protect the son of the lady he’s doggedly loyal to! Cool I know another character like that!

Another important detail: I was in middle school.

So I drew a fanart crossover of Bothari Vorkosigan Saga and Pearl Steven Universe.

[businesstiramisu]

Been watching Suits, it’s Very Good

I mostly knew it as “the show that made Meghan Markle famous”, and to be fair, she is great in it

But no one told me about Gina Torres as the managing partner of the law firm, and she absolutely owns that role.

(you might know her as Zoë Washburn in Firefly -- and tbf I’m more into Zoë as a character, but Gina Torres plays an *incredible* Jessica Pearson! Looks amazing, dominates every room she’s in, decisive and respectable leader, somehow I still buy that she has a strong moral code act despite “laywers being dicks to each other” being the entire point of the show, and she’s just as much in the muck as any of them)

And apparently in the later seasons my fave Dulé Hill joins the regular cast!! So yeah lots to love about this show, and I haven’t even talked about the actual story or main characters yet.

[touchmycoat]

【反派的跟班】 / The Villain's Sidekick by 奉孝男神 was fun! Main man transmigrates into a novel world where he was given all the protagonist blessings that allowed him to become the strongest most legendary dude on the continent, which he was for like a thousand years. He basically Wei Wuxians it—invents shit, gets lauded for shit, gets demonized for shit. Ultimately he's betrayed and killed by a sidekick of his as he's trying to figure out the secret to immortality.

Cue second transmigration into the same world, different body, a thousand years or so later. He's the ungifted son of the butler of a super rich merchant family from a bloodline that used to be the emperor a thousand years ago. He finally recognizes the main protagonist of the novel, now a kid, and that his own young master (the spoiled son of the super rich merchant family) is the antagonist of the first arc. There's no mission—he's just mad that the protagonist seems to have a halo and is taking his stuff, a.k.a. the legendary artifacts from him a thousand years ago that he wants back, dammit.

He proceeds to fix the ungifted body he's now in, restore his cultivation, all while vibing with the young master and teasing the young master whom he finds hilariously adorable.

[redflagshipwriter]

Hot Ghouls in your Area ch 4 progress

(read other sections of this and more stories here)

Danny floated miserably through the stacks, pulling out books that looked remotely plausible. Maybe he needed help. Jazz would help him without laughing at him, right?

Sam and Tucker absolutely would not. They would think it was hilarious that he had so little game that the universe assigned him a boyfriend via Jeremy Waters. 

‘As if I could pull a guy who looks like that,’ Danny thought wryly, and then felt a little bad about himself in comparison. Jason was, uhhhh, physically blessed. He was tall and well proportioned and his hands- Danny fought down a shiver and resisted the urge to steal another look. Jason was out of sight anyway.

Well. He still hadn't seen Jason's face. Maybe he was ugly! You never know. Or maybe under the helmet it was totally smooth, no face. That would be neat. Danny paused mid motion to imagine that.

Haha. Sick, man.

That concept cheered him up a little as he grimly opened the first book and started skimming for likely words like marriage, spouse, and concubine. 

He didn’t bother reading anything in detail. He stuck a post it note on each page with a relevant term and then put the book in a pile to take back to his dorm. This wasn’t going to get solved in a day.

Ah, shit. Danny paused. This wasn’t going to get solved in a day. He bit his lip and looked off in the direction where Jason had disappeared to do his own research.

He truly didn’t have time to devote to this right now. He was not willing to drop his school life in order to solve a sudden problem. Jason was just going to have to cope with whatever timeline Danny could manage without setting his life on fire.

On the other hand, Jason was a human guy who probably had a life of his own at the biker bar/fight club. Whatever the hell required that kind of outfit probably kept him busy! So Danny couldn’t like, just leave him in the castle to chill.

“Not to mention the fact that he shouldn’t be able to live here very long anyways,” Danny muttered to himself.

That was troubling him. Frankly, Jason should have been intolerably uncomfortable in the ghost zone for this long without specialized protective equipment. It wasn’t meant for humans.

‘What did Jeremy do to this guy?’

Yikes. Did this mean… Did this mean Danny should have given that little cult thing more credit? But Jeremy was just such a doofus. He grimaced. Embarrassing. Why were his enemies so embarrassing? This shit didn’t happen to, like, Wonder Woman.

Danny buried himself back in the books to avoid the growing suspicion that Jason might have been uhhhh magically altered to make him an appropriate concubine to a dead king. That thought sucked! He didn’t like it. He really didn’t like the idea of bringing it up with Jason.

When he had what he thought was a good first round of research, Danny shelved the books he’d gotten out and went to find where his …

He whole-body flinched at the point where he needed to plug an appropriate noun into that sentence. 

“Jason?” Danny called, juggling books into a stack. “I think we should probably get you back to the re- the human world. Before something inexorable happens.”

A pause.

“I don’t think you know what that word means,” Jason said. A book shut. Danny headed towards the sound, phasing through shelves effortlessly. A spark of curiosity lit up at Jason’s voice. He sounded relaxed, even through the helmet’s filter. 

‘I want to hear his real voice. Bet it’s nice.’

Wait. What? Danny shook the thought away, discomforted. He plastered a wide grin on his face. “I don’t know any words,” he lied breezily. “I’m just ad libbing. Anyway!” He flopped dramatically down onto the big chair next to Jason’s, making sure to be extra physical to get a satisfying whumpf. “We really should go! I can get you to the human world, but, uh, I can’t promise to put you back where you came from.” He scratched at the back of his neck. “I think this is going to be a more than one day affair.”

Jason was watching him. There was nothing visible through his helmet, but Danny got the sense that he was tense, waiting for a threat. 

Which, what? Why would Jason feel threatened by-

Oh. Danny felt a knot in his stomach. Right. That made a lot of sense. He felt kinda sick. 

He didn’t let the feeling show through and barreled on speaking. “I don’t exactly have an easy way for you to contact me, but we probably need to stay in touch to fix this. Do you have any ideas?” 

The lie felt kind of gross. But he could hardly tell the guy; “I’m an engineering student in Gotham, you can just call my cell or come to the dorms.”

Jason seemed to relax at the cessation of control. “If you can stick around, yeah. I’ll get you a burner phone, exchange numbers. You’re not going to…” He trailed off. Danny felt a frown somehow. “You won’t have any signal here, actually. That won’t work.”

“I can make it work,” Danny assured him, hands up. “I mean, I can’t make it work here, or I would have offered to help with your tech. But I can pop in and out of the human world and check my messages.”

“That’ll work.” Jason’s helmet turned ever so slightly. “About the books…”

“You found something good?” Danny asked, impressed. “Yeah, awesome. Just be really careful with them, the librarian is a scary guy.”

Jason’s hand flexed over the closed book on his thigh. “I can take- how many can I take out?”

Danny scoffed. “I’m not your dad,” he said. “Whatever you can carry, man. You ready to go or do you need a minute?” He flipped back to his feet with a grunt. 

[hauntedhotel]

As much as it isn't fun to hear Jon yelling at Martin, the end part of Mag 56 is so hilarious to me.

Listen, there is NO evidence to support Martin's claim about lying on his CV, and frankly it's kind of a weak cover story. You are required to show proof of your qualifications when you get a new job on the strength of them - not to mention ID - and even though on a relisten we know Martin's telling the truth and that Elias has his own reasons for hiring Martin, Jon doesn't know any of that. There's nothing to back up Martin's story and given how paranoid Jon's been since Prentiss, not to mention the fact that his specific concerns about Martin were that he might be hiding his own cunning behind the image of someone bumbling and soft (Jonathan "right for the wrong reasons" Sims strikes again) it is wild to me that he accepts this so quickly.

It's almost as though he's eager for Martin to be innocent, even though everything he's previously said about him would indicate that he'd rather it was Martin than Tim or Sasha, the assistants he respects professionally and likes on a personal level. It's so easy to picture him just blue-screening while poor Martin sits there expecting to be fired/screamed at again.

Martin: Okay, that's the truth, do your worst. Jon? Jon??

Jon, internally: Martin's innocent Martin lied to Elias but not me Martin didn't kill Gertrude Martin's safe Martin's still my friend Martin doesn't want me dead

Martin: Jon?

Jon, internally: MartinMartinMartinMartin

[skullrockbi]

Eddie Munson’s Sex Dungeon, 636 words, rated T for language, Steddie fluff

===

Steve doesn’t always look at the tabloids, especially the ones about his husband. But this one caught his eye in the check out aisle. “Eddie Munson’s Sex Dungeon!”

Eddie having a sex dungeon was news to him. He picks the magazine up to read the article.

“We all know Eddie Munson is a dungeon master for Dungeons and Dragons, but rumor has it there’s another dungeon in this rocker’s life! In an exclusive interview with a close personal friend, details have been revealed of his basement sex dungeon.

‘Eddie asked me over to play a game, I didn’t realize what type of game he meant. I asked him about his partner and he told me I was too pretty to resist. I don’t want to be vulgar, but the night we had together was very passionate and kinky.’

The article included a picture of a woman’s hand being handcuffed by “Eddie.”  It was cropped to protect the source’s identity. Steve thinks if the source really wanted to remain anonymous she’d have a less distinct hair color. He knows those terrible and tacky highlights. The male hand closing around the metal had chipped black nail polish and one of Eddie’s signature rings. It was a convincing photo of you didn’t know any better. The unnamed source also shared a few snaps of the dungeon. Walls were covered in red drapery and there was a black velvet bench.

Steve refrains from cackling like a madman at the grocery store, but he can’t wait to bring this article home.

“Oh loverboy! Eds baby where are you?” Steve can’t help but use a sing-song tone of voice. 

“Sweetheart you don’t have to butter me up to help you bring in the groceries.” Eddie pulls Steve closer for a hello kiss. Steve starts to kiss all over Eddie’s face.

Eddie pulls him in for a deeper kiss before slightly pulling away. “I’m not letting the ice cream melt again.

They bring the groceries in and make sure all perishables are put away safely before Steve brings out the magazine. “Now Edward, is there something you need to tell me?”

He shows the cover proclaiming Eddie having a sex dungeon.

“Oh damn,” he replies deadpan. “The tabloids are onto my secret sex dungeon.”

Steve is giggling, “you have to read the article! Look at the pictures baby.”

“Is that my closet?”

“I mean we did have sex in there before.”

“Steve, this isn’t funny!”

“You’re right. It’s hilarious.”

Eddie throws the magazine on the table. “A stranger took pictures of my closet and is telling people I’m cheating on you.”

Steve points to the hair. “Not a  stranger.”

Eddie sighs, “I guess I need a new assistant again. Fuck.”

“You can worry about that tomorrow. Frankly I think right now what you need to do is take me to your sex dungeon and ravish me.”

“I can do that.” Eddie uses all his muscles to pick up Steve and throw him over his shoulder. “You can see my sex dungeon anytime sweetheart.” Steve chuckles breathlessly and smacks Eddie on the ass. 

Eddie tosses Steve on their bed and gazes adoringly at him for a moment. “Steve, you know I’d never cheat on you, right?”

“Baby, it was a silly tabloid story.”

“I know, but I just need you to know that I’m never going do that to you. I don’t like when those stories get published.”

Steve laces his fingers with Eddie’s and pulls him down. Steve presses a gentle kiss to Eddie’s lips. “I know you love me. Just like I love you. Now I was promised ravishing and a sex dungeon.”

Eddie gives his most cocky grin while pulling off Steve’s shirt and kissing the exposed skin. “Sweetheart when I’m done with you, you won’t be worried about our location.”

[theriu]

Thinking about how every story where some guy travels across dimensions involves him meeting a bunch of himself with different unique traits, and then one of them is just “you but a girl.” And you know what, it would be frankly hilarious to me if there was a story where dude goes to other dimensions and every alternate version of him is a woman. Surprise, he is the token guy variant of a usually-female character. :D

[theskit]

Stickers AU

Important!!!

On the mobile app, direct linking gets rid of the readmore cuts!

If you came here via direct link, or wish to use the direct links to another part of the story, and DO NOT want to spoil the surprise stickers, please click on my blog name to go to the actual post after using the link.

Also, due to the apparent shadow banning of people with long tag lists, I will make a master post that people can subscribe to for updates.

Part 10

Master Post

《Prev

Red Hood and Nightwing coming to the cave on Sunday night with tales of their own encounters with the sticker kid had unfortunately not given them as much to work with as Tim had hoped.

Jason was tagging along more to hear about their encounters and to see the rest of the stickers than providing much in the way of evidence himself, what with having his helmet cams and comms shorted out for the duration of his encounter and not bringing his own sticker with him.

There was some friction when Batman and Robin made it back to the cave, it being a fairly slow evening for Gotham with no sign of the kid, which made sense if he'd gone all the way to Bludhaven to bother Nightwing.

Bruce had wanted to compile all the evidence together, and while Dick had been obliging, after they'd gotten the frankly hilarious sticker off of him, Jason had promptly refused to hand his over. Much like Damian, he'd claimed it as his own and would hear nothing else about it, only providing a picture of it after a lot of coaxing from Dick.

The corrupted audio/video file had also been less than helpful. Besides a flurry of green-tinted gray static snow and laughter so distorted it almost sounded like screaming, there was nothing else recoverable.

The sheer degradation of the files was actually impressive. That was either very good tech, or a very strong meta ability. Either way, they needed to find this kid and figure out what was up with him.

Dick at least had managed to both lay eyes on and semi-converse with the kid, though that was also bringing up questions. Such as: how did he get out of a dead-end alleyway? Which, while similar to the disappearing acts he'd pulled in Gotham, those had at least been on rooftops with clear, if possibly inadvisable, access to escape routes all around. As well as the question on why the kid was wearing a blood stained hoodie.

Yes, they had figured he'd injured himself to some degree last night, but why hadn't he changed out of those clothes? Did he not have access to more? Was the kid in a bad living situation here in Gotham instead of having come in with the rest of the out of towners for the ghost hunting convention and the stickers were something unconnected to him that he'd somehow gotten ahold of?

If that was the case, they might be looking at some sort of meta trafficking escapee, since the boy's accent very much labeled him as not a native Gothamite and most people would not move here with a meta ability with Batman's supposed dislike of metas in Gotham. A stance Bruce had taken more to discourage metas from possibly getting targeted by the revolving door of Gotham's Rouge gallery than any real prejudice.

Despite everything, the convention was still their best lead, so it was decided they would go investigate as civilians tomorrow for the last half-day it would be held and try to find more clues.

The description of a short, young male, with blue eyes and dark hair, an echoey voice, possibly still wearing a bloodstained hoodie, was not a lot go to off of in a crowd of hundreds. Maybe they would get lucky and find where the stickers came from, which might give them more of a lead.

Bruce was reconsidering the effectiveness of coming to the convention as Brucie Wayne instead of the small time criminal Matches Malone, regardless of how that may have effected that alias, as he was accosted by another non-gothamite.

Bruce had forgotten how those outside of Gotham tended to act around celebrities. People native to Gotham usually had a strong mind-your-own-business attitude regardless of where on the social scale they happened to fall.

Smiling for yet another photo, Bruce hoped his slightly-less-widely-recognized children were having more luck moving around the convention to check for leads, having abandoned him to fend for himself after the third photo ambush.

Coming on the last half-day might have also been a miscalculation, even if they hadn't had much of a choice with the timing, as it seemed to make people even bolder, knowing they would leave the city in a few short hours.

Dick was having fun roaming around the convention. Seeing all the booths set up with either crystals, tarot cards and other mystical odds and ends or EMF meters, magnetic field detectors and more scientific equipment for ghost hunting.

It all mostly went over his head, but it was interesting to talk with different people and hear all the differing accounts and history, both historical and personal, behind their choice of what equipment or mystical dodad worked best.

He'd even seen a few people cosplaying as The Ghost Busters, and he swore he'd seen a couple in full hazmat suits for a moment before he lost them in the crowd.

He had forgotten how interesting conventions could be when they weren't constantly crashed by Rogues. Dick would have to try and find time to go to more of them. The eccentricities on display reminded him fondly of all the different personalities you could find in a circus.

Damian scowled as he made his way through the crowds. This was ridiculous. There was no practical use for most of the things displayed in the various booths, as most wardings against Pit demons needed to be cast by those with magical or mystical bloodlines as far as he was aware, and to date there was no known scientific way to capture or quantify Pit demons.

Most of the 'evidence' provided by both sides was also suspect. Generally involving blurry photographs and 'spooky vibes'.

There was also a marked dearth of younger people in the crowds. Mostly consisting of small children accompanying their parents with few teenagers, such as a redhead female approximately his age he'd spied a time or two due to the eye catching color of her hair, to be seen.

Jason had decided to leave the convention a little early. Despite the fun he had watching Bruce get mobbed by out of towners with his Brucie mask on, something about wandering the crowds was riling up the Pit.

Maybe it was the crowds themselves, all those people blatantly not from Gotham, who *did not belong* here. Or maybe all the talk of death and ghosts and what came after, but *something* had his aggression ramping up out of the blue as he made his way around the convention.

Randomly feeling the need to punch something wasn't exactly new, but the sheer number of times he'd started seeing green out of nowhere was worrying, so he'd called it quits.

He'd check in with Dick later to see if any new leads had been found.

Danny breathed a sigh of relief as Jazz came to collect him. Everything was already packed up in the RV and it was time to grab whatever he wanted for the ride back as their parents wanted to get ahead of the leaving crowd.

He'd been feeling something wandering the convention for the last few hours. Not quite enough to set off his ghost sense, but definitely at least ghostly-adjacent.

He'd been doing his best to navigate away from the feeling any time it drew near, not wanting a fight to break out between him and whatever territorial spirit had decided it was a good idea to haunt ghost hunters.

Hitting up a nearby coffee shop for a hilariously named Deathwish coffee and a pastry for the road, Danny saw a guy wander in, take in the line almost out the door, and nearly fall into a seat instead.

Holding his head in his hands, it looked like the guy was almost nodding off where he sat. Poor dude had eyebags darker than Danny had the time Technus, Skulker, Ember and a swarm of Blob ghosts had all decided the night before a major test was a great time to invade Amity with their shenanigans.

Taking pity, Danny ordered a second coffee, handing it to the guy with a little surprise attached before heading out. Hopefully it would brighten his day a little.

"You look like you could use this."

Tim glanced up from his seat at the coffeeshop table as a younger teen placed a large coffee cup and a few napkins down on the table.

The other boy was out the door before Tim could even fully process that some kind soul had taken pity on him and saved him from having to stand an eternity in line before getting his hands on the much needed caffeine.

Blessing whoever it was silently, Tim took a large swallow, closing his eyes a moment as the strong coffee helped kick his brain back into gear. Ahh, Deathwish, my beloved, hallowed be thy beans.

Standing up, he grabbed the couple of napkins to take with him, feeling an odd stiffness to them. Shifting the top napkin out of the way, Tim boggled at the sticker staring back at him for a moment before bolting out the door.

Looking around frantically, he was just in time to see the boy on the other side of the road, getting into a frankly absurdly proportioned vehicle before it sped down the street, barely keeping from sideswiping at least three other cars before careening around a corner and out of sight.

Well, he thought as he glanced from the sticker to where the vehicle had disappeared, at least something that... distinctive, should be easy to track down...

@mygood-bitch99 @stargazer-luna @easily-broken-by-emotion @dolfay @britcision @cyber-geist @is-this-even-relatable @alcorbearson @fisticuffsatapplebees @thegatorsgoose @my-mom-calls-me-rat @some-rotten-nest @crystalqueertea @meira-3919 @wandererofthestars @seraphinedemort @bjurnberg @blep-23 @stargirl1331 @bianca-hooks123 @addie-lover-of-stories @pickleking8 @iconicanemone @sarina-elais @mur-ururu @sailor-goddess @dragonfirefeather @nutcase8691 @ravenpainter @liandrin @jaguarthecat @russetfur1128 @purefrickingspite @oakskull @vythika96 @molasses-being-slow @satisfactionbroughtmeback @serasvictoria02 @tkiesai @breesperez139 @dhampir-princess @redhoneysugarorange @gildedphoenix @iglowinggemma28 @f4nd0m-fun @therandomartmaker @mandyne-1001 @learning-to-fly-on-my-own @solarisaetherlumine @zeldomnyo

[pseudophan]

i became a phannie in 2018 (right in the middle of ii) and i'm a bit scared to ask lol but... what was the vday video? :0

*cracks knuckles* oh boy

the date is september 17th, 2011. a video gets uploaded to the lessamazingphil youtube channel, it stays up for about three hours. the video, simply titled with an emoticon, is.. deeply embarrassing, if i’m being honest! it’s essentially a valentine’s card from phil to dan, painfully earnest and very very sweet, but obviously not meant to be seen by anyone else. at this point in time the phandom was quite small and nobody really lost their minds fully, though there are still reactions from the day up online. most of the reactions were people just going ‘lol called it’. 

the original upload date of the video was february 13th 2010, and it had been private on lessamazingphil for a year and a half until a YOUTUBE GLITCH publicised it. quite frankly if i was dnp i would be burning down youtube headquarters because that is some fucking bullshit. the video gets taken down as soon as phil notices. he reaches out to people who saw it and explain to them that it was an april fools prank that they decided not to go through with.

now because not THAT many people saw it, and there weren’t many diehard shippers at the time, everything kinda died down. that is, until dnp properly blew up and got genuinely famous and oh no of course someone saved the vday vid and of course someone leaked it. halloween 2012! that’s when it all broke loose. at this point not only was the phandom big but there were a metric fuckton of shippers out there. and so when someone posted THAT.. well, you can imagine. 

dan was in the middle of his no homo howell era and went the FUCK off at people on tumblr about it, phil was answering questions about it like hahaa nooo it was a prank lol. basically they were sticking to the april fools story, which is a hilariously bad excuse for many reasons, and truly did not add up even a little bit. there’s not really a reason anymore for us to pick it apart, because after BIG and dan confirming they were romantically involved at the time it’s more clear than ever that they were full of shit when they said it’s a prank, but people were writing essays about that shit. you had to be there, i fear. but also be glad you weren’t cause it was carnage out there 

for YEARS after this phil would take down any copy of the video online, like i’m talking everywhere from youtube to pornhub to obscure foreign websites. the phandom rule was kind of to just not mention it at all, but definitely never post it.

i think we’re best off keeping the ‘don’t post it’ rule, because although the ‘outing them’ part of it all isn’t relevant anymore, it’s still a very private video and i just cannot stress enough how deeply embarrassing it is. i say that lovingly.

that being said, mostly everyone has seen it anyway. i am so sorry dan and phil. kind of, it’s kinda funny also. but sorry again. for what it’s worth, phil seems to have stopped taking it down, so while i won’t post it i will say that if you want to find it you can

... i am going to share their comments on it though because good lord

[shepherds-of-haven]

Okay I saw this asked on another blog and it was hilarious so I have to ask here : what do you think inner circle’s Beige Flags are? ( weird/quirky or questionable things they do that give you pause but overall have no real effect on the relationship)

Also hope you are feeling better!! 🩵🩵

Ooh, this is a fun one haha! (And I'm feeling a bit better, thank you! I still haven't fully recovered, but getting there slowly but surely! 🥲) Anyway, let me think...

Blade: rather than accompany you into shops (especially small ones), he assumes you want to be left alone to do your shopping in peace (and also typically finds shopping boring) and will instead just stand outside the door, looming like a really intimidating security guard or bouncer. (He is assessing street security, guarding the only door, and positioning himself within shouting distance in case there's some kind of threat.) This often inadvertently drives away business, so sometimes he'll just wait at the end of the street instead, staring out at the crowd like a member of your own personal secret service

Trouble: sometimes he eats too fast, or more accurately talks too fast while eating, leading to frequent inhalation down the wrong pipe and people having to thump him on the back while he coughs. Sometimes he will power through the coughing by sheer force of will and will just... forcefully swallow through it. He refuses to slow down. Life's too short to try to avoid death by choking

Tallys: doesn't make a ton of affirming noises to let you know that she's listening. A lot of people go "uh-huh" or "wow" or "right" or whatever when you're in the midst of telling a long-winded story. She just stares at you patiently in silence until she's sure you're fully done. This is polite in Elven culture, and she is completely listening, but it can unnerve people who feel pressured by silence lol

Shery: she still has to look at her hands to tell left from right. Like sometimes she has to make her left hand form the L to remember 😅 She also finds it difficult to do math in her head and either has to sketch it out in the air or write it down!

Riel: always leaves a bite or two of food left on his plate; rarely completely cleans his plate. Same with drinks! So many teacups that always have a few sips left at the bottom. Why didn't you just drain it, man? It's like he does it on purpose!

Chase: always takes the most meandering, inefficient way to get to a place. like if the walk from A to B is a straight line down one avenue, he always seems to take the most roundabout, random path. Here, I'll draw you a map:

Red: he is very bad at matching the pace of his walking with others; with those long legs, he walks at a naturally and totally subconscious fast pace! He's mindful about it when on a date or actively courting someone, but when he's focused on something else, excited, traveling, or out and about with friends, he has to frequently be asked to shorten the length of his strides so others can keep up lol

Ayla: I've mentioned this one for her before, but she's very bad about sharing her food. She hates when you snatch a fry off her plate without asking, and even if you do ask, she can be fairly begrudging about it if she perceives food is plentiful (like "why can't you get your own, the line is right there?") In work circumstances, like sharing group rations, she's totally fine, but in restaurants or in the refectory, she's annoyed by it, like "I loaded this plate for myself and planned on eating all of it... myself 😒 If you wanted to share something, you should have said so earlier!"

Briony: she's constantly whipping people in the face with her ponytail. She tends to turn her head really fast or spin around in conversation and whoever's standing near her ends up with a mouthful of hair. She hasn't learned to not smack people in the eye with her hair yet despite several remonstrations

Lavinet: frankly shocked, upset, and scandalized whenever there isn't a little something sweet at the end of a meal. it doesn't have to be a full-on dessert--even a single chocolate served on a plate would do, and is often preferred! but when there's nothing?? nary a profiterole or cream puff or a little sweet treat for the lady in sight?? something is off!! her palette isn't satisfied!!

Halek: he always wakes up in the morning so loudly. unfold from the bed -> crack his back, neck, shoulders with the most ungodly series of pops -> loud groan. It sounds like an old accordion getting stretched out

[queseraone]

I feel surprisingly at peace after 6x07. Did it hurt to see the previously on or hear "breaking up with Lucy" and "the breakup" and Smitty's equal parts hilarious and painful survey? Yes, for sure.

But... this episode gave me more hope than ever that they are really diving into this story, and things are already starting to head in the direction I'd hoped for.

I like that there's awkwardness and tension - frankly it would be bizarre if there wasn't.

I like that Lucy isn't just sitting around sad and heartbroken, girl deserves to be angry over the way this went down.

I like that Tim came to the realization that he needs therapy on his his own, and wasn't just forced into it by the department.

I really need to know what Therapist Lady is up to (I'm leaning more toward she's being blackmailed by the Big Bad than anything else?), but she read Timbo like a book.

The podcar episodes are hit and miss for me, but the one thing I enjoy about them is that they usually lead to the whole team working on one case. And that team dynamic is a huge draw for me here. It really felt a lot like an early season episode, which was really great.

[opbackgrounds]

Recently, I got to read through the east blue saga (which was super duper fun) and Usopp and Kuro's parallels really stood out to me (Kuro lies to take advantage of others, Ussop lies to make people happy)

It's a a shame we haven't seen him since, he's a really cool character

If he could come back, what whould you want him to do?

Kuro is great, but I'm not sure there's enough there for him to be a recurring character. If he was forced back into the story, I could see him maybe being some kind if informant for the marines. Kuro hates being hunted as a pirate, so he'd be the perfect kind of guy to cut a deal to save his own skin. Plus he had enough experience brown nosing thanks to his years with Kaya I think he could schmooze his way out if trouble with some idiot marine.

Alternatively, add him to Buggy's crew, because quite frankly that'd be hilarious

[ladyluscinia]

Ok. Ok. Time to put my thoughts in order about S2 and we're starting at literally the first scene because whoo boy is there a lot going on that I like.

So. Stede's Fantasy Pirate Rescue aka this show having no illusions about Stede's fuck ups and where the story-driving conflict is coming from (*cough* Stede and Edward themselves *cough*)

It opens with what frankly a concerning amount of fandom seemed to view as the solution to all the problems of S1 - namely a Stede vs Izzy swordfight. Stede is really going all in on his dashing pirate hero fantasy. He has the beard. The sword skills. He gets his sword knocked out of his hand (again) but this time it ends on a witty one liner and stabbing Izzy with a concealed knife before artfully claiming his cutlass. He even dramatically kills him! And, villain defeated, there's Ed running through the surf to embrace him! Everything is perfect and wonderful and conflict free - and it all collapses back into reality with Wee John literally farting all over it.

Pete even openly mocks his moaning "Ed, Ed" in his sleep!

Because it's a fantasy! A ridiculous one at that! And the truly fantastical bit isn't even the reunion, or Stede's heroics. No... The part that's absurd, that even Stede can't make himself believe in his own subconscious mind, is that there's a convenient external villain to all of this and he and Ed can just pick back up where they left off.

Fantasy!Izzy and Fantasy!Ed are basically barbie dolls in this dream, but you can watch Stede's awareness that this is truly just a comforting fantasy slipping through.

Fantasy!Izzy gets cast as the villain because why wouldn't he? Stede has disliked him going back to that conversation at Spanish Jackie's where he basically offloaded a bunch of his own issues on this random pirate guy for having bad vibes, Izzy did betray him specifically to the Navy, and the last thing his crew would have been able to tell him about was Izzy ordering his stuff tossed and rowing them to an island (on Blackbeard's orders, but that's easy enough for Stede to ignore). He's even got him putting on a villain voice!

But the line. The only fantasy character line in this entire dream that connects with the situation in reality instead of sounding like stock NPC responses. Stede defeats his villain and The Villain / Fantasy!Izzy / Stede's subconscious looks up from his knees and reminds him:

"I never made you leave him. You did that yourself."

And Stede kills him for saying it! Goes back to the comforting script where he demands to know where Ed is and Izzy calls him a twat! Shut up, subconscious, Stede needs to rescue his damsel!

And his damsel barbie doll is so happy to see him! Fantasy!Edward's lines are the most disconnected, NPC babble. It's hilarious 🤣

Fantasy!Ed: "I knew you'd find me, babe"

Stede: "You're not mad?"

Fantasy!Ed: "I knew you'd find me, love"

Stede: "So we're good? About everything?"

Fantasy!Ed: "Fucking love the beard, mate".

Can I mention how much I love the repetition there? Zero engagement in the conversation, totally amps up the NPC vibe.

Stede is begging his own dream to reassure him that he didn't hurt Ed that bad, to tell him Ed will be so happy to see him it will fix everything, and he doesn't get what he's looking for. Because it's not true. The show in fact laughs in the face of that interpretation. Stede's making up a idealized "fix" (being a dashing hero) for the BlackBonnet relationship, and even Stede knows it's bullshit.

Edward and Stede's relationship issues and personal struggles have a bodycount this season (R.I.P. Ivan 😭) and it's immensely satisfying that so far no one is inclined to pull their punches on this fact or foist the blame elsewhere.

Not even Stede's subconscious!

[lilacsnid]

𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐬 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐈𝐧 𝐔𝐩𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐭 | 𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 (𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦)

➪ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎

𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝘼𝙍𝙔: They despised one another & barely tolerated each other while working at Slough House. Tensions rise as they are sent out into the field together, working undercover to search for a sleeper agent in the cozy village of Upshott. To avoid being caught, they are forced to pretend that they are "together". Being so close in each others company causes certain feelings rise to the surface that they have both tried to bury for far too long.

𝙙𝙞𝙨𝙘𝙡𝙖𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙨: she/her pronouns used. this story is based on the episode - from upshott with love, but I have changed the storyline line slightly, so it might not be the exact same as the show.

𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙨: this is a work of fiction; any names, characters from slow horses, places & incidents will either be a product of my imagination or used fictionally.

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

Music blared through her earphones as Y/N sat outside Gloucester train station, perched on an uncomfortable bench. One leg crossed over the other with her bag resting underneath her feet. She kept peering over the bridge of her sunglasses, surveying the station's surroundings. With a quick glance at her watch, a flicker of annoyance crossed her face. She had received very particular instructions from Lamb earlier that day to be at Gloucester station by 2:00 pm, and now it was already 4:45 pm. She was starting to grow impatient. The prospect of a mission outside Slough House had completely and utterly exhilarated her. She felt as if she had been withering away there and craved an opportunity to prove herself. The anticipation of action was a welcoming change.

Her fingers picked mindlessly at the chipping paint on the seat beneath her, trying to stop herself from going crazy. Out the corner of her eye, she spotted a black car pull up in front of her. No cars had entered the car park since she got off the train, so she jumped up, fairly confident that it was Lamb.

She stood to her feet with a heavy sigh, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Her gaze remained fixed on Lamb, who briskly got out the car, meeting her eye before closing the door.

“Oh, you are here. Didn’t expect you to show,” Lamb quipped sarcastically, retrieving a cigarette out from his pocket.

Through her sunglasses, she rolled her eyes, retorting, "You're hilarious, really. What the fuck took you so long? I've been off the train for at least two hours."

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Had a few loose ends to tie up. Surprisingly, you weren't at the top of my to-do list."

"Sure," Y/N scoffed, pushing her sunglasses up to rest atop her head, shooting him a glare.

A sudden realization hit her as she drew in a deep breath - Lamb hadn't been the one driving the hire car. Before she had the chance to voice her confusion, the other car door opened, and River emerged from the driver's seat.

Her narrowed gaze locked onto River, looking at him from head to toe before shifting her attention back to Lamb.

"Why is he here?" She asked sharply.

Lamb took a long drag of his cigarette, replying rather nonchalantly, "He's going with you."

Y/N raised her eyebrows in disbelief, her expression twisting in bewilderment. "You've got to be kidding."

"When do I ever joke?" Lamb retorted rhetorically. "Didn't have enough assignments to go around, and frankly, I could do with a break from the constant bickering between you two."

His words caused Y/N to shake her head, her gaze shifting over to River, who raised his hands in a gesture of surrender from where they rested on the roof of the car.

"Trust me," He said, his eyes briefly glancing off into the distance, "I'm not exactly thrilled about it either."

Approaching her with a file in hand, Lamb handed over the contents. "New ID, brief, funding package and dossier. Try not to fucking lose any of it," He remarked, met by another glare from Y/N as she snatched the file from his outstretched hand.

"Enjoy yourselves," Lamb said, already heading towards the train station's entrance. "Oh, and one more thing I forgot to mention. Your cover story: you two are engaged."

"WHAT?!" River and Y/N both yelled in unison as they stared him down, their voices echoing through the station.

Turning back to face them, Lamb explained, "The point is to stay undercover, right? You need a believable story. No one will suspect two lovebirds exploring the cozy villages of Cotswolds."

"Seriously?" River objected, disbelief etched in his voice.

Lamb let out an exasperated sigh at the two of them. "Listen, I really couldn't give less of a fuck about the specifics, but for your own sake, make it look fucking convincing. Real lives are at stake here, and I don't need to remind you how that weighs on the line. I know 'acting' might be a stretch, especially for you two."

"Such a prick," Y/N muttered under her breath as they watched Lamb stride away.

River couldn’t help but steal a quick glance at her, watching as Y/N strode toward the boot of the car in frustration. With a forceful heave, she tossed her bag inside beside his, the resounding sound of her slamming the car boot shut making him cringe. Reclaiming the driver's seat, he waited for her to slip into the passenger seat beside him before reversing out of the carpark and back onto the gravel road.

An uncomfortable silence lingered within in the car, thick with tension, as they kept driving. Y/N couldn't believe just how unlucky she had gotten — being paired with the one person who drove her absolutely crazy. Their snide comments and constant bickering would undoubtedly always drive their colleagues mad.

She opened the folder Lamb had handed over, skimming through the documents detailing the individuals they were tasked to surveil. She made sure to read over the brief, absorbing all of the pertinent details.

"Just when things seemed to be looking up," Y/N murmured, her gaze now fixed on the passing scenery as they drove.

The audible sound of River sucking his teeth showcased his patience that was wearing thin. "You're not the only one feeling like that,” He grumbled, sinking back into the driver's seat. One hand gripped the steering wheel, while the other casually rested on his thigh.

A few moments passed in silence, the air growing even more thick with an unspoken tension between them. River drew in a deep breath, the air of annoyance dissolving momentarily before he spoke up again.

"Look, I get it. You're not my biggest fan, and I've never quite figured out why," He began, stealing a quick glance in her direction. "But I really want to nail this. Chances are, you do too."

She responded with a nonchalant shrug, though her eyes held an expectant look, urging him to continue.

"Regardless of our history, let's set it aside while we're out here," He proposed, gesturing towards the road ahead. "As Lamb pointed out, people's lives could be on the line."

Y/N sighed, knowing deep down that there was some truth in his words. Their clashes had been a staple at Slough House, a constant battle for dominance. Ultimately, she knew the mission took precedence, regardless of who she was partnered with.

"Fine," She relented, nodding in agreement.

"Great," River replied, raising his hand from his thigh, offering it for a shake. "So, are we good?"

Glancing at his offered hand, she hesitated briefly before accepting it in her own, giving it a firm shake. "We're good."

She felt the unexpected warmth of his hand leave as she released his hand. She offered a soft smile as she watched him maintain his focus on the road ahead. There was a palpable shift in the air, a mutual understanding settling between them.

“This doesn’t make us friends though, Cartwright,” She pointed her finger at him, “This purely for the sake of the mission.”

“Agreed,” He grumbled, a flicker of agreement laced in his tone.

As River continued to drive, they dove into the dossier. She continued firing off questions about the individuals that were listed while River shared what he had found from earlier on in the day. They planned their trip, discussed accommodations and went over their cover story multiple times to ensure it held up under scrutiny just in case anyone came asking questions. 

“Harriet Madden,” She spoke, reading the name off her fake driver’s license, “And what is the name of my so-called fiancé?”

River chuckled softly, leaning across her to reach into the glove box, retrieving his own counterfeit driver's license.

"Jonathan Walker," He stated, extending the card for her to inspect.

With a playful eye roll, she accepted the card, examining it with a smirk, “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

The sun was starting to set, casting a warm amber glow across the car park as Y/N lounged in the passenger seat of the hire car with her feet resting on the dashboard, engrossed in her phone. She had quickly changed into high-waisted jeans paired with an oversized sweatshirt, finding comfort in the casual attire as night would soon be approaching. 

A while later, she heard the car door creak open causing her to glance up. She instantly did a double take at River's transformed appearance. He now wore black jeans complemented by a black button up shirt and topped with a forest green jacket. What really grabbed her attention was the reading glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, altering his usual look entirely. It was a change Y/N wasn’t entirely opposed to. She couldn’t help but stare at him with an evident furrow in her brow.

He caught her stare, returning it with a curious gaze of his own. He couldn't help but admire the relaxed vibe about her in the casual outfit—a side of her he had never witnessed before. The contrast between her usual demeanour and this relaxed appearance intrigued him, causing a subtle shift in his perception he had of her.

"What?" River queried, arching an eyebrow in response to the smile she wore.

Her grin widened, her gaze lingering on him. "You actually pull off the specs, you know."

"Was that a compliment I just heard?" He chuckled, fastening his seatbelt.

"Don't get used to it," She shot back, crossing her legs with a playful glint in her eyes.

Shaking his head in mock disbelief, River took a quick glance at his watch, releasing a short sigh. "Right, we better get going," He announced, turning the key in the ignition. 

Y/N nodded in agreement, securing her seatbelt as they prepared for the last fifteen minutes of their drive.

"Oh, I almost forgot," River interjected suddenly, grabbing her attention as she watched him reach into the pocket of his jacket. "Here." With a deft toss, a small box landed in her lap.

Her curiosity piqued and she picked up the box, examining it with a quizzical expression. "What's… this?" She inquired.

He hesitated momentarily before responding. "Well, considering our 'engagement'," he emphasised the word with air quotes, "It might help if you had something to wear, you know?"

With a mix of surprise and intrigue, she slowly opened the box, revealing a ring that sparkled in the light that filtered through the car window. She gazed at the ring nestled inside, caught off guard by the gesture.

"It wasn’t expensive or anything, so don't get carried away," River remarked, his cheeks flushing slightly as he averted his gaze.

Her laughter was soft and genuine as she carefully examined the simple gold band with its oval-shaped rhinestone. It’s cheap appearance, most likely bought from the convenience store's jewellery section at the service station they were at, didn't change the thoughtfulness of it.

River tried to ignore the sudden tightening in his chest caused by the unfamiliar but pleasing sound of her laughter. 

“Oh, so that’s what it sounds like when you laugh!” He teased, glancing down at her with a funny look. 

Shaking her head, a lingering smile tugged at her lips. She purposefully avoided his expectant gaze, a playful edge in her voice. "Shut the fuck up."

It was quiet for a moment as Y/N bit her lip, a teasing glint in her eye as she remarked, "Who knew River Cartwright had a romantic streak?"

"Shut up, Harriet," He retorted, playfully jabbing at her with the fake name.

Y/N scoffed before sliding the ring onto her finger, finding it a tad loose but still manageable. She lifted her hand to display the ring, wiggling her fingers and drawing his attention to the now deadpan expression on her face. His eyes caught the sight, and he scoffed while rolling his eyes. 

"Set your expectations low," He quipped, beginning to reverse out of the carpark with a hint of amusement laced in his voice.

 

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

It was dark by the time they had made it into Upshott. Y/N peered through the car window at the pub they had just arrived at, her brow furrowing at the peculiar name. Despite the late hour and it being midweek, "The Downside Man" appeared rather inviting, glowing with dim lights and a bustling atmosphere.

"The Downside Man," Y/N recited the name aloud, pondering about the way it rolled off her tongue. "Why is it that all these small villages have such peculiar names for their pubs?"

River casually unbuckled his seatbelt, shrugging slightly. "You tell me and we’ll both know."

They jumped out of the car, the cold air greeting them almost instantly. They both hopped out, heading towards the boot of the car to grab their bags. River took a moment to survey the surroundings, locking the car before turning his attention to Y/N.

He waited for her to glance up at him before asking, “You ready?”

"Absolutely," She replied with a sigh, gesturing for him to take the lead as they moved towards the welcoming glow of the pub.

Opening the door to the pub, he held it open courteously for Y/N to step in first. As she entered, the warm embrace of the cozy atmosphere and the lively hum of conversation instantly enveloped her. River walked ahead of her as she followed him through the animated crowd until they reached the bustling bar area, filled with patrons enjoying their evening. River spotted the barmaid, and Y/N took a quick moment to observe her as well. As they shuffled through the small crowd of people, he quickly glanced back at her over his shoulder, ensuring she was still in tow.

She came to stand at his side, glancing around at their surroundings while as River approached the bar. The distinctive sound of him placing his bag on the floor caught the attention of the barmaid, causing her to look up.

"Hi," She greeted with a hand on her hip. "What can I get you?"

River cleared his throat slightly before speaking, "Actually, we're just checking in for the night."

Y/N suppressed a scoff as she watched the barmaid blatantly check him up and down. The barmaid then quipped, "Johnnie Walker?"

Her lips curled under her teeth, and she glanced up from where she stood beside him as he hesitated. It only took a brief moment for him to regain his composure, shaking his head slightly.

"Yes. Yes, I am," He replied with a smile, recovering smoothly. "Sorry, you threw me. It's- It's Jonathon or Jon. It's not Johnnie, sorry."

The barmaid laughed, her eyes twinkling. "Do you get that a lot?"

River chuckled in agreement, "Yeah, mainly in pubs."

Y/N's gaze narrowed as she observed the scene unfolding between River and the barmaid. A subtle cough from her drew his attention, as she discreetly fixed a pointed stare at him. She couldn’t help but suspect that he might have been appreciating the barmaid's charms a bit too much.

Breaking the moment, River suddenly introduced her. "This is my fiancé, Harriet," He announced, resting his hand on Y/N's shoulder. She offered a polite smile towards the barmaid, "Hi."

However, the barmaid, simply turned around, completely blanking her as she grabbed the key to their room. "I’m Kelly, follow me," The bar maid instructed, leaving Y/N feeling like she was somewhat invisible.

She trailed behind River as they followed Kelly through the lively pub, a flicker of unease beginning to settle within her.

“What brings you to Upshott?” Kelly questioned, twirling the key in her finger as they began to climb the stairs.  

River discreetly glanced back at Y/N, a silent exchange passing between them, before responding, "I'm a journalist, and Harriet is a photographer. I've been working on a piece about village life, and well, Upshott just seemed like the perfect place to start, really."

As he smoothly recited their rehearsed story, Y/N listened intently, realising that every detail matched their car conversation word for word. Kelly finally looked at Y/N for the first time, offering only a slight nod before unlocking the door to their room. Y/N couldn't help but narrow her eyes at Kelly as she turned her back, surprised by the lack of a proper greeting.

Despite “Jonathon” mentioning his fiancée, Kelly still refused to even acknowledge her presence. 

"Who do you write for? Insomniacs Weekly?" Kelly joked with a playful smirk as she stepped into the room.

River chuckled slightly, "No, uh, The Times."

"Oh!" Kelly exclaimed, her gaze unwaveringly fixed on him.

Unable to stay silent any longer, Y/N stepped around River, walking further into the room. "This is lovely!" She exclaimed, raising her voice and briefly glancing at Kelly as she walked past.

Once again, Kelly ignored her and turned her attention back to River. "Well, I can give you the headlines. Apart from the village pub downstairs and the village shop, there really is fuck all going on."

Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes at her behaviour, Y/N had to bite her tongue. It was evident that Kelly was captivated by Jonathon Walker, and River Cartwright's undeniable charm and good looks played a significant role. Despite their personal differences, Y/N couldn't deny his ability to make a woman feel weak in the knees. He was an incredibly attractive man.

The barmaid's blatant disregard for Y/N's presence surprised her, and she couldn't help but notice the tension in the air. River could also sense her discomfort and walked across the room to stand next to her rather than alongside Kelly. Y/N felt the subtle brush of his arm against her shoulder, and she kept her gaze fixed on Kelly who was standing at the door.

"Well," He continued, maintaining the facade, "Where there's people, there are stories."

"Boring stories," Kelly retorted.

"No," He countered, "You ask the right questions, and you can usually find something interesting. You know, everyone has a secret."

The barmaid smiled, her sharp gaze fixed on him. "Well, don't be asking too many questions. We tend to sacrifice troublemaking strangers to the Green Man."

Observing their conversation, Y/N discreetly narrowed her gaze towards her as she spoke, feeling an unexplained unease. There was something about the way she watched them talk that unsettled her, though she couldn't quite pinpoint it. River maintained a polite smile but glanced down at her, his eyes searching hers as if to say - you okay?

Y/N maintained her smile, playing her part as she leaned against the bedpost.

"Oh," Kelly said, turning around. "I need to get you some towels. I need to get back downstairs, but I will leave them outside your door later."

"That's alright," River replied, glancing down at Y/N. "Think we're both pretty keen for bed, aren't we, darling?"

She looked up at him, her breath catching at the unexpected pet name that momentarily threw her off character. Nonetheless, she smiled and nodded in agreement. Sensing Kelly’s stare, Y/N felt his hand slide along her waist before resting on the bedpost where she leaned. In a spontaneous move, perhaps to irk the barmaid further, she wrapped her arms around his torso, leaning into him to present the image of a normal, happy couple.

"Alright," Kelly spoke shortly, glancing quickly at Y/N before offering the key to River.

Stepping forward, Y/N interjected, taking the key from her hand instead. "Ta," She said as she nodded, her face completely deadpan.

"Anything else?" Kelly asked, the question clearly directed at River.

"Uh, no," He answered, pulling Y/N back into his side. "All good, thank you."

"Right, see you later," Kelly said as she approached the door, pausing momentarily before adding, "Johnnie Walker."

River laughed, calling out, "Just Jon."

Y/N couldn't help but let out a dry, sarcastic laugh at the nickname. As the door closed, River glanced back at her with an oblivious look.

"What?" He asked, throwing his arms up in question.

She couldn't resist rolling her eyes at him.

"I'll see you later, Johnnie Walker," She said mockingly, tossing the room key onto a nearby table.

He scoffed, starting to take off his jacket. "Fuck off."

"She's clearly into you," Y/N observed, "And making it rather obvious that she doesn't give a fuck about me being here."

River scoffed again, this time playfully. "Not like you to care that much about something like that."

"I don't care," Y/N insisted, attempting to dismiss the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach at the mere thought of River with someone else.

A brief silence lingered between them, both their gazes settling on the solitary double bed in the middle of the room. Y/N had just about forgotten the obvious fact that there would be only one bed.

"Oh, great," She muttered, gesturing towards the bed.

River sighed, "I'll sleep on the floor."

A wave of guilt washed over her almost instantly, prompting her to abandon the bratty demeanour and take his comfort into consideration. The night was exceptionally cold, and the thought of him trying to sleep on the hard wooden floor seemed rather harsh.

"No, I'm sorry. Don't do that," She said, crossing her arms. "It's freezing, and I doubt you'd get a wink of sleep on this floor."

He looked at her, trying to figure out what she was implying.

"We can share the bed; it'll be fine," She suggested.

He half-smiled, "What if I would rather sleep on the floor?"

"Well, then knock yourself out," Y/N retorted. "Just trying to look out for you."

"That's unlike you." River remarked, furrowing his brow.

"River..." She sighed, growing a bit annoyed with his teasing.

"Alright, alright," He relented. "Thanks."

He watched her as she sat down on the bed, falling back against the mattress with a content sigh.

"Take what you can get, Cartwright," She remarked, "It's actually really comfortable."

River nodded, his gaze fixed on her as he stepped closer. Standing in front of her, he glanced down at her. Her eyes were closed, and her hair sprawled out across the mattress. Despite everything, he found her beautiful, though he thought admitting it to her face was a step too far.

She heard his footsteps across the floor, and when they stopped, she opened her eyes to find him standing in front of her, towering over her as he looked down.

"What?" She asked, watching him chew on his lip.

"If I'm sleeping in the bed, you're going to have to move," He stated.

She shot him a perplexed look. "Excuse me?"

"I always sleep on the left side," He explained with his hands in his pockets, his silver watch on his wrist catching the light.

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, is that right?"

"Yep," He confirmed, shifting his weight on his feet. "So, shove over."

She scoffed. "Not a chance. You're lucky I'm even letting you sleep in the bed at all."

"C'mon, move," He urged, tapping her on the leg.

"No," She shook her head, staying put.

River sighed. "Move."

She laughed, "Fuck off!"

He groaned in annoyance as she sat up, starting to playfully poke and prod at him with her hands.

"You're annoying me, stop," He said, holding his hands up while trying to avoid her playful gestures.

She found it incredibly amusing, knowing all too well that she was the only one that could get under his skin the way she always managed to. Her teasing continued as she started to sense his patience wearing thin. River groaned, gripping her arms forcefully, yet still being careful not to hurt her. With a mischievous squeal, she tried to resist, but he leant over her small frame while skilfully trapping her arms at her sides.

In this unexpected proximity, their faces were mere inches apart, a closeness they hadn't experienced before. A wave of familiarity swept over Y/N, a sensation she hadn't associated with River until this very moment. He felt it too, yet he tried his hardest to dismiss what he was feeling.

"I said, stop," He breathed out, shooting her a stern look.

Their eyes held each other's gaze for a few moments as they found themselves both getting lost in the silence. A quick idea sparked in her head, and she purposefully alternated her gaze between his eyes and his lips, enticing him to lean closer. She could feel his grip on her arms starting to loosen and she seized the opportunity. Without warning, she expertly wrapped her legs around his waist, flipping him over so that he was now laying on the bed, with her on top. Placing her forearm against his neck, she made sure not to press down too hard.

He grunted, attempting to stay as still as possible, but the feeling of her pressed against him became overwhelming, causing him to throw his head back.

"Great," He huffed, not being able to move as she had him pinned down. "Bet you’ve pulled this move on many people before."

"Only a few times," She chuckled. "Just be glad you had the bed to land on, unlike that poor policeman who you dropped onto the concrete at Stansted."

River sighed, shaking his head. "It was a training exercise."

"Don’t think he’ll be forgetting that in a hurry," She teased.

She soon released her hold from him and rose, briefly sitting back on his thighs. River followed suit, propping himself up on his elbows to gaze at her. Eventually, she stood up and headed over to her suitcase.

Grabbing some pyjamas, she made her way to the bathroom. "I’m having a shower."

As soon as the bathroom door closed, he fell back onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.

What the fuck just happened?

✘ ✘ ✘ ✘

As the hot water cascaded over her weary body, Y/N found her thoughts drifting. Despite her efforts to focus on the mission, River kept intruding into her mind. Each time, she attempted to shake off the distraction, but it proved to be quite a challenge, especially given their close proximity.

She didn't want to get side-tracked, but she couldn't seem to help herself. Unfamiliar feelings were beginning to surface, starting to complicate things.

Stepping out of the shower, she went through her night-time skincare routine before changing into a pair of light grey pants and a matching singlet top. Towel in hand, she left the bathroom and entered the dimly lit room. Her eyes fell onto River, who was sorting through his clothes near the end of the bed. She scrunched her hair with the towel as she sat down at the desk in the corner, observing him pick out clothes he wouldn't have chosen for himself.

Just as she opened her mouth to speak, she noticed him glancing over his shoulder and out the window, a shift in his demeanour quickly catching her attention.

"What is it?" Y/N asked softly.

He held a finger up to his lips, quickly switching the bed side lamp off to avoid being seen as he shushed her, gesturing for her to join him by the window. She hung the towel over a chair before approaching him. Standing together, they gazed down onto the street where a figure stood.

"Hey, Dad," They heard a voice say as Kelly emerged from the pub.

Y/N squinted, trying to discern the figure on the street below, and continued to eavesdrop.

"Just out for a stroll," The man spoke. "Thought I’d walk you home."

He then glanced up at their room. "Who's staying in the guest room?"

"He's a journalist, here with his fiancé, writing an article on village life," Kelly explained.

Y/N quickly glanced up at River, noting his focused expression in the moonlight, his eyes trained on the street below. They were so close, he tried to ignore the fact that he could smell the sweet scent of her perfume.

"Is he a proper journalist or a pretend one?" The man inquired as they began to walk away from the pub.

Kelly sighed, "Says he works for The Times."

They both watched sneakily through the window, peeking behind the curtains as the pair walked off down the street.

Y/N sighed, turning to face him. "Well, at least our story checks out."

River hummed. "For now."

She eventually finished her night-time routine, quickly brushing her teeth and running a brush through her damp hair. She then made her way over to the bed, pulling back the covers and slipping beneath them in an attempt to avoid the night chill. River took his turn in the bathroom, closing the door behind him causing the darkness to envelop her. She closed her eyes, trying her best to seek relaxation for the night.

After a few minutes, the bathroom door opened, and River emerged, clad in sweatpants and a loose shirt. She heard him approach the bed, sensing the movement as he pulled back the covers and the mattress dipped when he settled in beside her. Even in the confines of the small double bed, they still managed to maintain some space between them.

Y/N lay on her side, facing away from him as she could feel his gaze on her. He drew in a deep breath before speaking, "I reckon we take a look around the village tomorrow, try and see what we can dig up."

"Okay," She hummed.

They fell into a breif moment of silence before he mumbled, "Night, then."

"Night," She replied.

Despite a couple of hours passing by, sleep became impossible for Y/N. The room was cloaked in darkness, with only the moonlight filtering through the curtains. Frustrated, she tossed and turned, unable to still her mind that was racing at a relentless pace. She turned onto her side again, facing the wall, and shook her head, unable to silence her thoughts. Suddenly, she heard a voice breaking through the silence.

"What's wrong?" River asked groggily, his voice laced with sleep. "You've been tossing and turning for ages."

She sighed, feeling guilty for waking him. "I just... can't sleep."

He sighed gently, turning onto his side to face her back. "You're the worst person to share a bed with."

"Yeah, thanks," She grumbled, tossing the sheets off her shoulder.

River breathed out, opening his eyes to peer at her back. The moonlight casted a gentle glow, revealing the cascade of her hair down her shoulders and back. A yawn escaped him, and after a moment of contemplation, his hand instinctively reached out.

Y/N felt her hair being pushed aside, initially thinking it was her imagination. Yet she soon felt a warm hand resting on her back, between her shoulder blades. Her breath hitched as she turned her head slightly to look at him.

"What are you doing?" She whispered.

"Just shut up and close your eyes," He teased. She gave in, turning back to face the wall. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck with every exhale he took through his nose.

His hand traced soothing patterns on the soft, exposed skin of her back. Despite the space between them, she could feel the warmth radiating from him as he inched closer just slightly. She surrendered to the sensation of his fingers tracing her back, gently lulling her into a deep, peaceful slumber.

©𝙇𝙄𝙇𝘼𝘾𝙎𝙉𝙄𝘿

5296 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

[dianamoth]

Project Copy-Knight

Hi tumblr,

I woke up this morning to a new AO3 comment on my most liked Naruto fic, but this comment was unlike any other I ever got before. It will interest fanfic writers around, especially anime fanfic, so allow me to share it:

Hello, Unfortunately, your work may have been stolen by content farms to create YouTube videos here: (link removed by dianamoth) If you have granted permission for this uploader, you can safely ignore this comment. If not, you should report these videos here: DMCA Complaint Form. You should re-confirm the video contents before you file the report. Note that only the original creator for this work can submit a complaint. When filing the complaint, do not select the "Scheduled: Send a 7-day notice" option, or they won't get a copyright strike from you. We recommend that you do not negotiate with the channel before-hand. Remember to include a link to your work in the 'Title' section of the complaint form. Channels like this have stolen many more works from other writers as well, so your efforts in reporting this channel will also help other writers. See full list of stolen works here: Google sheets Your authorship was identified a while ago by an automated detector under Project Copy-Knight, but for anti-spam reasons we could not inform you until we have manually confirmed each case. If you would like us to notify you as soon as possible, please include this text in your profile page to grant us permission. To prevent a build-up of our notification comments on inactive accounts, we will only send you a maximum of 3 messages before you grant us permission. This is message 1 out of 3. This message was sent automatically, but your case was manually confirmed, and replies to this comment are monitored. If you need additional guidance on how to take the video down, just reply to this comment. To learn more about what we do, please read this article or join our Discord server. From Project Copy-Knight, EsquireBot

I did not give consent for my fic to be used on youtube, ofc.

I was skeptical at first (for context, I write OC Naruto fanfics, who the hell would be interested in that on youtube, I thought?), but this is a well-crafted message with all the ways to verify this claim, so verified it I did!

And hello and behold, this is all true! I'm Amazed. This Project Copy-Knight is quite impressive, it seems well organized and everything, so I thought I would share the word about their existence so that people are aware that this is a problem that exists, that someone is working on it, that it's not spam, and how you can participate, etc... I recommend checking the article they mentioned and the Discord server if you have time to help.

Also, for those who might be in the same case as I and want to report a youtube video (because obviously I'm going to, can you believe this? Just read further to see what a mess it is), let it be known that the link above only works if you have a channel. If not, you have to send your complaint to copyright@youtube.com

Now, if you're interested in seeing what a MessTM this is, continue reading about this video that stole my work.

Guys, this is the presentation of the video:

The title (and the pictures) has absolutely NO link whatsoever to the plot of my fic, to be clear.

The pictures inside of the slideshow are about DragonBall Z! XD

But yes, it is indeed a generated "podfic" of my OC fic (but only part of it? it cuts in the middle of a scene at around half of the story)!

When you click on the description of the video, there is a link that actually contains a list of links on fanfiction.net. So they actually didn't steal it from AO3 but ff.net. Writers from ff.net, be aware!

The video has 1,4k views and 37 likes in 2 months. What the heck.

But the comments, guys!

I find this frankly hilarious. I mean, there is so much confusion here. Obviously the basic Naruto fans that would hate on (female) OCs are expected, but someone listened to it long enough to realize it was not the complete story. Respect to them.

Can you believe that with such a mess this channel has 5,37k subscribers? Please people, have some self-respect.