#the way she is sleeping in the picture with the penguin pants | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dadjokestop · 8 days

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If you’re looking for 1,000 dirty jokes to spice up your conversations, you’ve come to the right place! These cheeky one-liners and puns are sure to bring some laughter to your day. Whether you’re sharing them with friends at a party or just looking to add some humor to your life, dirty jokes can be a hilarious way to break the ice and keep things lively. So, buckle up, and let’s dive into the world of rib-tickling, slightly naughty humor! Why Dirty Jokes Are Always a Hit Dirty jokes have a certain allure. They toe the line of risqué while still being fun, making them perfect for adults who appreciate a little cheeky humor. From clever puns to outrageous punchlines, these jokes can lighten the mood and add a dash of excitement to any gathering. Plus, there’s nothing quite like the camaraderie that comes from sharing a good laugh over a slightly inappropriate joke. 100 Dirty Jokes to Get You Laughing Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including dirty jokes! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam! What’s the best part about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” Why was the broom late? It swept in! What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish! What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up! What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador! Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A necktarine! Why did the girl bring a ladder to the bar? She heard the drinks were on the house! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time! What did the fisherman say to the magician? “Pick a cod, any cod!” Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed! What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer! More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing Why was the math teacher suspicious of prime numbers? Because they were acting odd! What do you call a bear with no ears? B! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie? Sofishticated! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved! What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese! Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left! What do you call a magician on a ship? A wand-er! More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

“Supplies!” What do you call a potato that’s never going to be a vegetable? A couch potato! Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? Because he wanted to go to high school! Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant! More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had no body to go with him! What’s a vampire’s favorite part of a joke? The punchline! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra! What did one bee say to the other? Buzz off! Why did the computer go to therapy? It had too many bytes! What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band! Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing Why did the duck go to the comedy club? To quack up! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What did the guy say when he walked into a bar? “Ouch!” Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side! What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop! Why did the computer keep freezing? It left its Windows open! What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer! What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hey, bud!” Why did the music teacher go to jail? Because she got caught with too many notes! What do you call a bear that can’t stop singing? A grizzly adams! What did the sock say to the foot? “I’m all yours!” Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What did the fisherman say to the magician? “Pick a cod, any cod!” What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What do you call a potato that’s never going to be a vegetable? A couch potato! What do you call a bear that can’t stop singing? A grizzly adams! What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing Why was the broom late? It swept in! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side! What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hey, bud!” Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus! Why did the music teacher go to jail? Because she got caught with too many notes! What did one bee say to the other? Buzz off! What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing What’s a vampire’s favorite candy?

A necktar! Why did the golfer bring extra socks? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is? A widow! What do you call a smart group of women? A mystery! Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks! What did the yoga instructor say when her husband asked if she was angry? “I’m just doing downward dog!” Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants! Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor! What did the banana say to the vibrator? “Why are you shaking? She’s not going to eat you!” Why did the woman go to space? To find space for her problems! Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic! Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had no body to go with him! What do you call an argument between two vegetables? A squash match! What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A yamaha-ha-ha! Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument? A moo-sician! Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house! What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a bear with no ears? B! Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a fish that wears a bowtie? Sofishticated! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer! What do you call a magician on a ship? A wand-er! Why was the broom late? It swept in! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets! Why did the computer keep freezing? It left its Windows open! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus! What do you call a cow that can play the piano? A moosician! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left! What do you call a potato that’s never going to be a vegetable? A couch potato! Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets! What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What do you call a bear that can’t stop singing? A grizzly adams! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the girl bring a ladder to the bar? She heard the drinks were on the house! What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer! What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto! Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side! What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus! What do you call a potato that’s never going to be a vegetable? A couch potato! What did one bee say to the other? Buzz off! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the music teacher go to jail? Because she got caught with too many notes! What do you call a smart group of women?

A mystery! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he had no body to go with him! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hey, bud!” What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a potato that’s never going to be a vegetable? A couch potato! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? Attire! What do you call a bear that can’t stop singing? A grizzly adams! What do you call a bear with no ears? B! Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a cow that can play the piano? A moosician! What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a magician on a ship? A wand-er! What did the fisherman say to the magician? “Pick a cod, any cod!” Why was the broom late? It swept in! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! What do you call a potato that’s never going to be a vegetable? A couch potato! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto! What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hey, bud!” What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing Why did the man put his money in the blender? To make some liquid assets! What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! Why did the girl bring a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains! Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? Because he was outstanding in his field! What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems! What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory! Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus! What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill!” Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Why did the banker switch careers? He lost interest! What do you call a group of musical whales?

An orca-stra! What did the coffee say to the sugar? “You make me sweet!” Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? Attire! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the man put his money in the blender? To make some liquid assets! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” Why don’t vampires like to go out in the sun? They hate getting a tan! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! Why did the golfer bring extra socks? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make some liquid assets! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a bear with no ears? B! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” Why did the golfer bring extra socks? In case he got a hole in one! Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What’s brown and sticky? A stick! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side! What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory! What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why did the man put his money in the blender? To make some liquid assets! Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What did one hat say to the other hat? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus! What did one wall say to the other? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake! Why did the girl bring a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What do you call a magical dog?

A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory! What did the computer say to the ice cream? “You make my heart melt!” What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a bear with no ears? B! What did one bee say to the other? Buzz off! More Dirty Jokes to Keep You Laughing What do you call a broken pencil? Pointless! Why did the baker go to jail? Because he got caught kneading dough! What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus! Why did the scarecrow get promoted? Because he was outstanding in his field! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What’s brown and sticky? A stick! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! Why did the golfer bring extra socks? In case he got a hole in one! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What do you call a bear with no ears? B! What did one flower say to the other flower? “Hey, bud!” Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hey, bud!” Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why was the broom late? It swept in! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems! What’s brown and sticky? A stick! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long!

What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What did the computer say to the ice cream? “You make my heart melt!” What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house! What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory! What did one hat say to the other hat? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side! Why did the baker go to jail? Because he got caught kneading dough! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus! Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? Attire! What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What’s brown and sticky? A stick! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! Why did the man put his money in the blender? To make some liquid assets! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why was the broom late? It swept in! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! More Dirty dad Jokes to Keep You Laughing Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus! Why was the broom late? It swept in! What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta! Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What’s brown and sticky? A stick! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! What did one flower say to the other flower? “Hey, bud!” What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! What do you call a bear with no ears? B! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why was the broom late? It swept in! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? Attire! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hey, bud!” What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the bicycle fall over?

It was two-tired! What did one hat say to the other hat? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!” What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! More Dirty Jokes for the Bold What do you call a man who lost all of his left side? A man who’s all right! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What did one hat say to the other hat? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why was the broom late? It swept in! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!” What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What do you call a man who lost all of his left side? A man who’s all right! Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What do you call a man who lost all of his left side? A man who’s all right! What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! More Dirty Jokes for the Bold

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner’s on me! Why did the stadium get hot after the game? Because all the fans left! Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels! What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!” Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What did one hat say to the other hat? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why did the chicken go to the séance? To talk to the other side! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!” What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired More Dirty Jokes for the Bold Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh! Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! Why did the stadium get hot after the game? Because all the fans left! Why did the boy bring a ladder to the bar? Because he heard the drinks were on the house! What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!” What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!” Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a cow that can play the guitar? A moo-sician! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!” Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! What did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh! What did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!”

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What did one hat say to the other? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!” What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!” What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh! What did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired! What did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A sturgeon! What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner!” What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator! Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open! What did one flower say to the other? “Hey, bud!” What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What do you call a bear that’s stuck in the rain? A drizzly bear! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems! What do you call a potato with a big attitude? A hot potato! What did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy! What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh! Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one! What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder! What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! What did one bee say to the other bee? Buzz off! What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman! What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine! What did the cookie cry? Because its mom was a wafer (away for) so long! What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!” What do you call a magical dog? A labra-cadabra-dor! What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain! What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved! Wrap-Up: Share the Laughter There you have it—1,000 dirty jokes to bring some cheeky humor into your life! These jokes are perfect for any adult gathering where laughter is the main course. Remember, the key to sharing dirty jokes is to keep it light-hearted and fun, so enjoy these quips and feel free to spread the joy! Whether you’re using them to break the ice or just to share a laugh, these jokes are bound to get a reaction. Happy joking!

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rosesvioletshardy · 3 years

Text

overtime win celebrations - mat barzal

okay this is very unedited because i lowkey rushed it and i know it’s bad. also this is very bad smut because i haven’t written it in a while and i tried to read others and my old ones to get some inspiration and try to make it at least accurate in a way idk

also a very happy birthday mat today

(isles win today or else i’ll fly to new york and 🔪) (jk ,,, unless)

this was requested by @gigissports who gave me the idea of this fic when i said i wanted to write a fic but didn’t know what to write about or who to write about so thank you to her and i hope you like it

(also idk what that title is it’s the first thing that came to my mind)

(ps y’all should also follow her as well she’s an amazing person)

masterlist

mat masterlist

warnings: mention of fights, SMUT (18+) (minors please don’t interact), fluff, little angst? (idk mat is a little upset so idk if that’d count as angst)

# of words: 1,941 (sorry it’s short i tried to make it somewhat longer but my brain decided to go into writer’s block so)

----

It was all going well, up until it wasn’t. You knew that playoff hockey got even more intense than the regular season and meant that more injuries were prone to happen. Mat told you the night the Islanders got clinched that he wouldn’t try to get into many fights anymore or get anymore penalty minutes seeing that he’s their star and that the top player shouldn’t have that many penalty minutes. He managed to not get into any fights or get any penalties the first 4 games. You would’ve gone to the game but you decided to stay at yours and Mat’s apartment to watch the game due to being busy earlier in the day and Mat was completely fine with however you wanted to watch the game. The only thing he did request before he left was that you wore one of his jerseys that he wasn’t going to be wearing for good luck. As soon as you came home from work it was the first thing you did and you sent a picture to him to show him. You knew he wouldn’t answer right away but you saw that he read it.

The game was going smoothly up until the second period where the penguins were leading by 3. You knew that the team was frustrated by the way they looked as the camera panned over to the bench and that they were trying their hardest. Mat’s line was now playing and you felt as if they were going to score during that period. It wasn’t until moments after Anthony’s goal where a fight broke out and Mat got into the middle of it. You couldn’t tell what happened but you stood up on your feet and became really concerned. It wasn’t until you saw him walk towards the locker room with one of the medics before they showed the reply. The rest of the game you couldn’t focus on and only worried that something would happen even later into the game. Mat had said he was fine but you knew that he wasn’t from when they showed him.

The only good thing to come out of the game was the double overtime win and you knew it was going to be a while before Mat got home. You hadn’t really had anything for dinner because of it and could only eat crackers because your mind was only worried for Mat and Mat only. It wasn’t long before you fell asleep seeing how late it was. Mat on the other hand was exhausted as well and it was just from playing almost 5 rounds of hockey. A sigh escaped his mouth when he reached the front door and took out his keys only to find you sleeping on the couch wearing his white jersey. He smiled at the site before dropping his bag and taking his shoes off before walking over to you and crouching down in front of you. Mat took a moment to analyze the details of your face before he started to caress your face and wake you up. Your eyes began to flutter open as you saw him crouched down to your height

“Hey baby” he whispered as you sat up making room for him

“Hi maty, sorry you had to see me like this” you told as he sat down and pulled you into his chest

“It’s okay you deserve some rest.” he said trying to hide his eye

“Let me see, don’t hide it.”

“I didn’t want you to be mad”

“Why would I be mad?” you asked him confusion running across your face

“Because I promised to you that I wouldn't get into any fights or get any penalties during playoffs” he admitted

“I’m not mad, I was worried the entire time. It happens.” you affirmed him as you ran your fingers over the bruised eye lightly making sure that you didn’t hurt him. The two of you sat there in silence for a while taking in each other’s company before you both looked at each other and brought your lips together. You’ve been with Mat for over a year and a half and yet he still gave you butterflies every time you kissed. Straddling him, you continued to kiss as you ran your fingers through his hair.

Everything in that moment just felt perfect. Mat pulled away and stood up, picked you up and took you to yours and his room. After laying you down on the bed, he began to slowly push up his jersey while pressing small kisses along your jaw and down your neck, leaving marks, making you moan before pulling away to take the jersey off. His breath hitched when he saw the lingerie you had on underneath and smiled and you spoke up

“I was going to surprise you when you got home but i ended up falling asleep, so this isn’t exactly how I planned it” you told him sitting back up

“Well I’m still surprised don’t worry and you still look beautiful” he said before giving you another kiss and laying you back down after you took off his suit jacket, shirt and pants leaving him just in his underwear as you traced your fingers down his body

“I love you so much. Thank you for everything you do. From supporting me at home and away games to dealing with me and my antics”

Mat unclipped you bra as he pressed light kisses over your collarbones as his hands roamed all over your body and stopping at your thighs, Pushing your legs apart, his fingers hooking onto your underwear before sliding them off and inserting two of them inside you. His eyes never left yours, curling his fingers more and while his thumb rubbed your clit, causing you to moan

“Maty, please” you let out

“In all time princess. It’s all about patience” he whispered in your ear before removing his fingers as soon as he felt you clenching.

Removing his fingers, he brought them up to his mouth and sucked off your juices and sank down to his knees and kissed the soft skin of your thighs, feeling scruff from his playoff beard he was finally allowed to grow out. He wasted no time when it came to eating you out as he sucked back on your clit. One of his favorite sounds was hearing your moans and whimpers, as a smirk plastered onto his face, gripping your thighs tighter. You became more and more frustrated as you tugged on his hair wanting more. Pulling him closer onto you, his hands grabbed your breasts making you gasp and moan his name more. He began to slowly lick your clit before starting to suck on it. You can feel him slowly pull away before going back and inserting his finger again

“Oh god. Oh fuck. Mat that feels so good. Please don’t stop”

“What do you need princess?”

“You. I need you.”

“Fuck, maty i’m so close please” you told him as you could feel him humming against your clit, sending shivers down your spine. The familiar feeling began to coil in your stomach as you tugged on his hair harder and him licking you as his name left your lips, almost to the point where the neighbors would probably hear.

When he pulled away, he pressed a kiss against your lips, making you taste yourself. Mat leaned over to grab a condom from the nightstand next to the bed as you began to palm him through his boxers before pulling it down. You helped him roll the condom on him as he then lined himself in between you and grabbing your legs to hook against him

“You ready?” he asked looking into your eyes, making sure you’re still comfortable

“Yes” you told him as you curled your fingers at the bottom of his hair as he pressed his lips against yours while pushing himself inside you, groaning into his mouth.

His hips rolled with every thrust he gave, his lips leaving yours and pressing kisses along your jaw as he whispered in your ear as the occasional moan left his lips when you marked up his back or tugged his hair more. His hands gripped around your waist as he

“I love you so much.”

“I love you so much too”

“Are you close?” he whispered pulling away from your neck “Mhm” you nodded as a whine left your left as he thrusted harder,

“It’s okay, let go” he whispered in your ear as the both of you let go of your highs. Mat came out of you and fell on the bed next to you. The two of you stayed quiet as you both breathed heavily trying to catch your breaths.

“Well that was-”

“Yeah” he finished as he took the condom off and threw it in the trashcan when got up and went to the bathroom

When Mat came back, he started to clean you up with the damp towel, making sure that you were alright and that he didn’t hurt you. He took his time making sure to stop as soon as you started to feel uncomfortable or started to wince. You kept trying to fight off the sleepiness that was taking over so you had a chance to talk to Mat about everything he wanted just so he can get his mind over it. Your eyes were starting to slowly close once again until you felt the bed dip and Mat’s arm pull you so your head was on his chest

“What’s going on through that mind of yours?” you asked him knowing that he was thinking about the game again

“Just the game, the fight, how much my eye hurts” he laughs off but you can tell he’s still somewhat upset causing you to get up and face him

“Mathew, you did your best, and you’ll keep doing your best. I know you know this but you go close to a goal each period and in overtime. Yes, it’s not going well, but you need to have some faith in you. There’s still some positives that happened, you assisted a couple of goals from Tito and Scott, plus the game winning goal. Those are still something-” you told him before he cut you off

“Yeah but they’re not a goal you know? Everyone, from commentators to interviewers have been on my ass about not scoring and it’s frustrating to listen to and when it happens it gets blocked” mat exclaimed, as he ran his hand through is hair trying not to show his frustration

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that will happen and things will get better. Remember you were struggling towards the end of the regular season and then you got a goal straight out of the penalty box?”

“Yes but-”

“But nothing. You still have game 6 and I know that you guys will advance to the next round and you will get that goal that you want.” you finished as you now sit on his lap staring into his eyes and grabbing his hands

“Okay, mainly because I trust you and I love you.” he said as he gave you a small peck on the lips

“I love you”

“Now, do you still have enough energy for another round or are you tired?”

“I don’t know, I’m not the one who played 5 periods of hockey and got into a fight” you smirked as he flipped you onto your back

“Well then, you shouldn’t have said that missy” he whispered to you smirking as he went back down on you

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gashinabts · 4 years

Text

Ask Me Out (m)

Words: 5k

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader, Idiots to lovers

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature

Summary: You and Taehyung get in a fight because you were allegedly cheating, the only problem is, who are you dating and who are you cheating on.

Warnings: Teasing, spitting, oral (f/receiving), fingering, DomTae, slapping, jealously sex

A/N: Just a small one shot, hope you enjoy!! This is my work no reposting this and my other works on any other platforms.

Holding the letter tight to your chest you breathe out a heavy sigh before giving the letter to Eunha. Taehyung texted her that he will meet with her across the administration building, instead here you are standing in front of her, counting the seconds of when this interaction will end. She opens the letter and you cringe at every second she reads it, you look off at a distance to see if Taehyung could be watching this scene unfold. “ What the hell is this Y/N? Where’s Taehyung?,” she crumbles the letter and there’s irritation evident on her angelic face.

The one con of being Taehyung’s friend is that you have to break up with his girlfriends since he doesn’t like confrontation, to see them yell at him or worst cry in front of them.

In middle school Taehyung told you to break up with Soojin for him on Valentine's day, that was the first time you got bitch slapped by someone at school. Taehyung went to visit you at the nurse office with a red rose. “ Where did you get that?,” you asked him as you pressed the ice pack closer to your cheek. “ I stole it from Jungkook’s valentine’s gift,” he says, as he hands you the rose and sits next to you. His hands gently take off the ice pack inspecting your pink slap mark. “ Ouch. This will be the last time I let you do this for me,” he gives you a boxy smile. Another con of being his friend, Taehyung could be quite the liar.

“ Well as it says on the letter, he wants to break up with you…” you trail off taking a centimeter back. You don’t think she’ll do anything crazy, Eunha was nice when she was with Taehyung, however break ups can change a person.

Eunha takes a step closer and takes the lid of her ice coffee and throws it on your sweatshirt. The cup is empty and the ice cold coffee makes you flinch, “ I knew you guys were sleeping behind my back. Tell him, ‘ The next time he wants to break up with someone, he should be a man and tell them in person,’” she bumps her shoulder against you hard as she walks past you. You groan at her comment and walk towards the center of the campus where the water fountain is, there are students who briefly look at your coffee stain white sweatshirt. “ Well she got you good?,” Taehyung bites his lip and you glare at him. He stands tall right next to you, with his neutral tone baggy pants and sweatshirt. “ Hey I’m sorry I didn’t know she’ll react that way. Take my sweater,” he pulls his already oversized sweater and hands it to you.

You pull off your soaked sweater, “ That’s what you always say Tae,” then you put on his ugly dark green sweater. “ When are you ever going to have the guts to ask the girls you like out and also break up with them?” There’s also another thing he has a problem with, he needs to have someone, you, to ask the girls he likes out. It’s always awkward for you to tell them that Taehyung, the guy that you have a slight crush on, likes them.

“ Y/N, I can’t do that! Just imagine if I ask someone out and they straight out reject me. I would be traumatized for my whole life,” he takes your dirty sweater and walks with you to the apartment.

“ Nope. I can’t possibly see that. You are attractive and funny so I don’t see how you’ll be rejected,” you smell yourself and groan at the scent of ice americano. “ Look, ask me out right now,” you joke around while laughing to yourself. The short laugh becomes a gasp when Taehyung pushes you against a wall with his arm caging you in. His face is close to yours, you could almost count all the long dark eyelashes. Time feels like it slows down because the wind started to lessen along with chirping sounds from the birds.

“ Y/N. Go out with me,” he looks at you dead in the eye, his black curls slightly cover them. Without thinking much you let out a small okay and he backs up giving you space.

His face returns back to his bubbly self smiling, “ Do you want to order fried chicken and beer or pizza?,” he asked you while adjusting the straps of his backpack. The question takes you back and you pinch yourself just to see if this is a dream or an alternative universel. “ Fried chicken and beer,” you tell him, walking alongside him. There is silence between you two as he orders the food on his phone, he gives you the phone so you can review the order, you smile as he orders an extra order of spicy chicken since you are the only one that likes it. “ Looks good,” you say while handing it back.

You and Taehyung are watching a movie while eating the fried chicken peacefully until Jungkook barges in the living room from the front door, “ BAHAHA...Y/N you’re like all over everyone's snapchat. I even saw this video on my fyp on tiktok. Look it almost has one million likes,” he hands his phone while sitting down on the couch. ‘It’s the cheating for me’ you groan as you read the description. “ What the hell? Did you at least comment and tell them that I wasn’t the other woman?,” you ask Jungkook, the video plays and Eunha throws the coffee at you and your face grimaces.

“Yeah but like my comment got lost through the thousands of comments that are there,” he grabs a beer from the table, “ just live through your fifteen minutes of fame,” he chugs the beer. “ Ohh spicy chicken, my favorite,” his hands grab your chicken eating it with gusto.

You toss the phone on the couch, “ Y/N-” you ignore Taehyung’s voice as you go to your room. You take solace in your warm comforter hugging your stuffed penguin and taking a nap. The feeling of Taehyung’s warm hands wakes you up, he’s spooning you, hugging you tightly against his chest. You are used to Taehyung's skin ship at home, he typically does this when he sees a scary movie and has nightmares so he crawls into your bed or when the apartment is too cold and he doesn’t want to spend money on the heater. “ Are you okay?,” he asked carefully.

“ Yeah, I just hate how people don’t know the real story but it’s whatever I have you to make me feel better,” you sigh as you hug your penguin tighter.

He laughs and grabs the stuffed animal, “ You still have this raggedy thing?”

“ I’m not gonna throw him away. It was a present,” you take it back in your arms. Yeah, it looks beaten down but it was something special you cherished.

“ Man, I still can’t believe you dated Jungkook in high school. Doesn’t it feel weird to have that since you guys are not dating?,” he hugs you closer to him, you feel his warm breath against your neck.

“ Nah, we are still good friends even if he is kind of an asshole,” one of your hands reaches back raking your fingers against his curls. He hums deeply, “ Are you jealous of Mr. Penguin?,” you teased him with the question.

“ Kind of,” he mutters and snuggles into your hair. That wasn’t the answer you were expecting but you ignore it going back to sleep.

---

You grab an ice coffee for Taehyung and add sugar but a light tap halts you, turning you see a girl holding a phone zooming onto your face, “ Is this you?,” she asked you, eyes peering for a reaction. It was that stupid video from tiktok.

You laugh lightly, “ No, that is my twin,” you lie eaisly, you ignore her calls as you continue walking. You wait outside Taehyung’s office since he is talking to one of his students. The student adorably bows multiple times and thanks him, as she exits his room. “ She’s cute,” you comment as you enter his office with his coffee. He has his glasses on, along with his usual comfy aesthetic, there are a bunch of papers on the desk, and he looks the part as professor but clearly isn’t because he is a TA.

“ You are cute,” his large hand holds your hand giving it a quick kiss, while grabbing the coffee with his other hand and starts to gulp it. Today you were far from cute, you had no makeup, and you feel bloated because you were on your period. “ There’s an essay due about the elements of Gothic architecture and she was having a hard time about what to write,” he moves his hand as he talks, he finally sits down on his desk.

“ That sounds fun,” you sarcastically state. Sitting down on the chair you look on his desk and there’s a picture of you and him at the Louvre, it was two years ago that you guys spontaneously took a trip to Paris.

“ Sorry you aren’t a fan of art history,” he nudges you with his leg, “ Anyways let’s go to this new hotpot restaurant,” he gets up putting his laptop away along with his papers. “ Should we invite Jungkook?,” you asked while putting your seatbelt on in Taehyung's car.

“ No. It’s Y/N and Taehyung time,” he firmly states but his sparkly teeth show as he smiles.

---

“ You guys look closer than ever, which is weird because how can you guys possibly get closer,” Jungkook comments as you wash the dishes. It’s obvious that he is talking about Taehyung. Taehyung had been more clingy with you, almost every night sleeping in your bed and taking you to random restaurants without Jungkook.

“ What do you mean? We are always like that, you are just jealous that we don’t take you out anymore and pay for you,” you finish washing the last plate, you put the gloves away to dry. Jungkook crosses his arms which cause his biceps to bulge and you throw your head back with a laugh, “ Is that supposed to intimidate me?,” you lean against the counter.

He walks closer, “ Kinda, I’ve been working out,” he flexes it more. You roll your eyes and he stands right in front of you, “ So friends just invade other people’s personal space?,” his face comes closer to you, making eye contact with you. He’s provoking you and you just want to slap his smirk off his face. Jungkook lays his head against your neck, rubbing his nose against your neck, his body is against yours. “ This kind of reminds me of our first time, we did it in my parent’s kitchen when they weren’t home,” his hands gripped your waist.

You decided to play at his game, your hands reach his nape pulling his hair, “ But then you came the minute you put it in,” you whisper against his ear. You laugh as his face flush with embarrassment, you push him against his chest so he can give you space.

“ C’mon Y/N that wasn’t nice,” he groans, he tugs his situation in his grey sweatpants to not make it obvious that he has a boner. You stop laughing when you see Taehyung standing near the entrance of the kitchen, he has a blank face and goes to the fridge. Jungkook turned around looking at Taehyung as he quietly grabbed a coke, “ Hey Hyung, have you eaten? Y/N made dinner.”

Taehyung looks at Jungkook, “ I’m good,” he doesn’t even acknowledge you, walking away from the kitchen and you hear his door shut.

It’s quiet as you eat dinner alone and it is even quieter when you go to sleep by yourself. The bed feels more bigger and you might think it’s more comfortable but it’s not since you don’t have Taehyung hugging you like a pillow. The next morning you wake up late, Taehyung usually wakes you up and cooks you burnt toast with a shitload of jam but this time he’s already gone.

After class, you get his favorite coffee drink, and go to his office, there is another cute student talking to him. You peer through the window and see how happily he exchanges words with her. You wait until their session is done and she thanks him and he waves goodbye, you walk into his office. He looks at you but quickly reverts his gaze back at his laptop screen typing mindlessly. Placing the coffee on his desk, “ She’s cute,” you comment.

“ Yeah,” he says and continues typing, your heart lurches not expecting him to agree with you. There’s so much tension you feel like you are walking on eggshells.

“ Umm...are you okay?,” you ask timidly. You aren’t sure if he heard you since a minute goes by and he looks through his paper and then again types. There is sweat coming off your hands and wipe them down against your jeans,“ Taehyung?,” you speak just a decibel louder.

He closes his laptop, packing up his papers, throwing them harpazidly in his backpack, throwing the ice coffee that he hasn’t even got a sip of into the trash. “ I’m meeting with someone,” he brushes past you trying to exit his office. You grab his wrist before he can leave, “ Tae, are you mad at me?,” is the only question you can think of.

This is the first time he looks at you, it’s the first time he has ever shown anger at you, he yanks his hand back to himself and the feeling of the subtle warmth is gone from the palms of your hand. “ I just didn’t think you were the type of girl to cheat and try to fuck their ex in the kitchen,” he says seriously.

Cheating? Who were you cheating on? “ I wasn’t- Jungkook and I-,” you try to explain yourself but he wasn’t hearing any of it. He interrupts you, “ I don’t care anymore...I don’t want to see your face,” he jabs at you with a disgusted face one last time before leaving. There’s tears coming out and you quickly wipe them but they still stream down your cheeks. This is the first time in your friendship that you had a fight with Taehyung and it looks like it will be the last time you grab the tissue of his desk blowing your nose. The picture of you and Taehyung gleefully smiling in Paris is mocking you, you grab the picture and take it with you before he can also throw it away as easily as he did with the ice coffee.

You usually don’t like going to your parent’s house but this time you accept their invitation, planning to stay with them for a week, you already submitted all the assignments for classes and you could always look at the podcast lectures. There’s not much clothes you have to pack up since you hardly buy any new clothes and you usually borrow Taehyung's infinite amount of clothes, well used to. “ I’ll see you in a week,” you hug Jungkook goodbye.

“ Make sure you get some rest,” he walks you to the car, you nod and smile at him, waving him goodbye.

This is the last time you will ever visit your family, they make you do chores and take care of your nephews and nieces. It doesn’t even feel like you got any rest, you found a box under your bed and it’s filled with pictures of you and Taehyung, some of Jungkook but mostly of Taehyung. The more you shuffle through the pictures it gets harder to hold your tears. You have the urge to call him but you are afraid that he has you blocked.

---

It feels and sounds quiet in the apartment, Taehyung thinks to himself. Jungkook isn’t even making noise either which is odd since he is loud. He hasn’t seen you in three days, he was sure that he was going to eventually bump into around the house while you cook or get out of the shower but nothing, he hasn’t even seen light peek out of your door. He hears the door opening expecting it was you but it was Jungkook. Jungkook goes straight to the kitchen taking out a pan and vegetables out of the fridge, “ You want some Kimchi fried rice?,” Jungkook asks as he cuts some kimchi.

“ No,” Taehyung shakes his head and scrolls down on his instagram.

Jungkook sighs loudly, “ Wow this is going to suck. I have to start learning how to cook better since Y/N moved out.”

Taehyung drops his phone on the ground, “ What?,” he asked while walking towards the kitchen to where Jungkook is at.

Jungkook puts oil in the pan and adds onions, “ Yeah she moved out three days ago. She looked really sad, took everything she had and left.” Taehyung doesn’t believe him and enters her room, the bed looks empty, there are no comforters or pillows, he opens your drawers and is met with nothing, there are some skincare products on the table but those can easily be left behind. However there are pictures of you and Taehyung on the dresser, and he easily spots the one that he kept in his office. He walks back out and Jungkook looks like he is almost done cooking. “ You could be a real asshole Taehyung. Y/N would never do anything with me since she already whipped for you. The things you make her do and how she always does it because your Taehyung,” Jungkook says and finally turns off the stove.

“ What are talking about?,” Taehyung asked with hesitance.

“ Ask Y/N, why does she break up with people for you despite the many times she gets hurt from it. Ask her why does she spend so much money on your dumb ice americano? Ask her why she broke up with me in high school?,” Jungkook didn’t mean for the last question to come out but he’s tired of his two best friends being idiots. “ I’m going to eat in my room,” he leaves with a plate of Kimchi fried rice.

Taehyung sits in silence in his room thinking about your last conversation with him, and how he didn’t let you explain. How he yelled at you, how he threw his coffee, and how you looked like you wanted to cry. He hugged his pillow tightly desperately wishing that it was you and maybe if he thought hard enough you would appear.

---

“ Are you sure you don’t want to stay the whole week?,” your Mom asked while she helped you put your suitcase in your car. It’s the fourth day, six in the morning, and you don’t think you can last another day with her yelling at you to stop taking naps and to go grocery shopping with her.

Getting in your small car you sigh,“ Yeah, I have to go back. I forgot to turn something in for class,” you make up a lie.

“ What? Are you serious? Why didn’t you do that before when you came here, that’s very irresponsible-” Maybe on another day you can take her lecturing but not today.

“ Okay, bye Mom. Love you!,” you close your door waving at her as you leave the driveway.

It is expected for the apartment to be quiet since it’s early in the morning, you drag the suitcase quietly hoping that you won’t wake them up. Opening the door slowly, you are shocked to see a sleeping figure in your bed, your hand let’s go of the suitcase and you yelp trying to get it but it comes down crashing loudly on the wooden floor. Taehyung's head pops up from his small blanket, looking at you with wide eyes. “ I umm- I’m sorry. I’ll leave right now,” you pathetically try to excuse yourself. Taehyung said he didn’t want to see your face anymore so you hurry to pick up your things. Your shaky hands try to grab your suitcase but you are tackled into a hug, Taehyung’s arms engulf you trying to make you part of his body.

“ You came...I was scared that you were gone forever,” he whispers. “ I’m sorry for what I said. I was an asshole and didn’t let you speak. I hurt you in many ways that I never expected. Then Jungkook said you moved out…” he trailed off you couldn’t clearly hear him since his voice muffled in your hair.

“ Taehyung, let’s sit down and talk, okay?,” you asked him and brushed some of the strands of hair out of his face. He nods and sits down beside you and your bed, “ I wasn’t going to move out, I just went to visit my parents hoping that would relax me but it didn’t so I came back early,” you smile at him. “ Okay good,” he smiles back and scoots closer to you. “ Taehyung, I need to ask you something?,” you look away nervously.

“ Ask me,” he encourages and grabs your chin to look at you.

You swallow nervously, “ Are we together? I mean were we together? Since you said I cheated on you and I was kind of confused…” you trail off playing with your fingers.

He grabs your hands gently squeezing them “ Of course we were together. I mean we still are. Remember when you told me to ask you out?,” he asked, you nodded remembering it vividly, “ Well since that day we’ve been dating.” You didn’t think that was serious but it did make sense because of all the skinship he was doing and the places he would take out to eat. He did take you to the Han river and had a picnic during the night which you found oddly romantic but you didn’t think much into it. “ Y/N, I’m sorry,” he asked, kissing your hands.

“ It’s okay there was a misunderstanding. Next time, let’s talk before we act out on our emotions,” you tell him softly, before pecking him on his cheek. Turning quickly away so he won’t see you blushing in the morning sun. “ Help me set up comforters,” you get up, grabbing the comforters off the floor. He helps you set it up while complaining about how he missed you while you were gone, crying in your bed until Jungkook told him to shut up. You place Mr. Penguin on the bed and lay down hugging it.

Taehyung turns your body easily around so you're facing him, “ I actually didn’t know we were dating, I thought we were joking around,” your hand caresses his sharp jawline.

“ Idiot. I would never joke around about dating you,” he scoffs and takes the hand you were caressing him with, bringing it to his lips, kissing it softly. His lips move to your wrist, trailing up your forearm, arising goosebumps and leaving a giggly response from you, making him smile. Taehyung scoots closer to your neck so he can leave kisses there and you hug him closer when he kisses a particular spot that makes you squirm. The kisses trail upwards to your jaw, going closer to the area you wanted. He looks at you seeking permission and you pull him to feel your lips against his. It’s soft as you expected and you sigh happily at the feeling of his warmth. He pulls aways looking at you, “ That was nice,” he says as he moves over to hover you.

“ Yeah, it was,” you pull him down for another kiss, this time it’s more needier. Lips smacking at each other can be heard along with some heavy breathing. Your hands leave his tousled hair and go under his baggy sleeping shirt, feeling his naked back. You never thought you could feel Taehyung this way, but here are lightly trailing your fingers up and down his back. His mouth leaves yours kissing your neck and leaving marks here and there, he pulls the collar of your shirt down trying to get more access but gets frustrated. Laughing at him, you pull your shirt off, laying back down so he can kiss wherever he desires. His eyes sparkle at the sight of the swell of your breast, immediately leaving open mouth kisses that make you shudder with excitement. His large hands pull the cups of bra and his mouth envelopes your nipple, sucking while his other fondles with your other breast. Your pants are being louder and you can’t take anymore of the teasing. Your hands pull his hair as he lightly bites your nipple leaving you with pleasure and pain, “ Touch me Taehyung,” moaning at the end of the sentence.

“ Baby, I am touching you,” his lips leave your abused nipple and go to the other one giving it the same treatment. It looks like he enjoys you getting impatient since he is smiling at your frustration as you try to grind against him. “ No no no, touch me somewhere else,” you tell him shyly, you are never this coy with your partners but Taehyung just screams out dominance. His eyes darken and his mouth leave your nipple along with a string of salvia, his hand wipes his spit all over your chest. He sits up pulling off his shirt, his eyebrow arched, “ Where does my baby want to be touched?,” he asked, looking down on you. Your hand trails down to the button of your jeans, slightly tugging at it, refusing to tell him in words. His index finger tugs at the belt loop, “ You want me to touch your pussy?” Blushing at his words you nod, he takes off your jeans and looks at your panties, smirking at your evident arousal. He bends down and kisses above the hem of your panties before tugging them down your legs.

“ Please Tae,” you whine as he teasingly kisses the inside of your thighs, Taehyung finally listens to your words and eats you out like his favorite dessert, his hands holding your thighs up trying to taste more of you. Crying out in pleasure, as his tongue pays special attention to your clit and his two fingers slowly inched his way into your seeping hole. Afraid that you are making too much noise, you moan into your palm, his head lifts up and you whine at the loss of his tongue. “ Who told you you can cover your pretty mouth?,” Taehyung slaps your cunt, making you moan louder. “ Sorry,” you meekly let out but you desperately want to be punished again. He chuckles at your apology, rubbing your cunt to soothe the pain, “ Do you want me to fuck this needy pussy?”

“ Yes, I want you so bad,” you drawl at your words, hips rising and riding his long fingers. His fingers withdraw from you, quickly taking off his sweats and boxers, as you finally discard your bra. “ Spit,” he commands, his hand is below your mouth. Following his command, his large hand wraps around his impressive dick and you can’t wait for it to stretch you. Reaching to your drawer, you give him a condom and he puts it on. Taehyung slowly enters you and you feel an immediate stretch, your nails scratch his back at the slight pain. He kisses you to relax you and smile at his encouraging words. Moaning at the slow thrusting, the pain is completely gone, wanting to feel him deeper you tell him to fuck you harder. His hips move at fast pace and you can feel him in your stomach, “ You’re so fucking tight, I’m gonna have to fuck you everyday,” he moans out. “ Gonna have to fuck you everywhere too, so Jungkook can no longer flirt with you,” he thrust deeper hitting that particular spot that makes your toes curl. Nodding deliriously you meet his thrust, eyes rolling back at the euphoric feeling of Taehyung fucking you good. Moaning his name louder, as he grabs your jaw forcing you to look at him, “ I’m the only one that makes you feel this good, right?,” he asked but he already knows the answer.

“ Only you, only Taehyung,” you scream out feeling his other hand rubbing your clit. “ No one else,” you confirm once more, pulling him down for a messy kiss. Your approach is coming, clenching around him harder, “ I’m gonna cum,” you claw his back more, “ Can I please cum?,” begging him.

Rubbing your clit faster, “ Yeah, fucking cum for me, scream out my name,” he gives your clit you couple smacks. Crying out his name you come loudly with your body shaking in pleasure. Taehyung's pace falters, groaning at your tight cunt swallowing him in, holding your body closer as he orgasms. Kissing you softly Taehyung pulls out, tossing the condom in the trash bin. “ How’s my baby?,” he asked while stroking your flush cheeks.

“ Good but kinda tired,” giving him a tired smile. “ Taehyung I like you so much,” you confess, holding his warm hand against your cheek. High school you would be so proud that you finally confessed to him.

Taehyung grabs your hand and kisses it, “ I like you so much more. I liked you since high school but I was afraid to tell you and then you started dating Jungkook. So I thought I can never be your type. But then you told me to ask you out, joke or not, I thought that was finally my chance to have you be my girl,” he softly speaks but there’s an underlying insecurity in voice. Your hands pull him close to your body causing him to squeal, his head is on top of your breast listening to your heartbeat, as one of your hands comb his hair.

“ I guess we are both idiots, I liked you since high school too. But here we are now in each other's arms, better late than never right?,” you sigh. His fingers trace shapes your stomach, “ Just gotta make up for the lost time,” he agrees and his hand trails down.

“ Yes but not now because I’m tired,” you grab his hand before it can go any further. He laughs and kisses your breast tenderly.

“ I’m just glad that Mr. Penguin got to see me fuck my girl,” he snuggles more into you with heavy eyelids.

You sleepy smile at his words, “ You are so weird.”

——————————————————————————

Do not repost, translate, or alternate my work in any way, onto any platform. I do not take plagiarism lightly.

#bts fic #bts #bts fanfic #bts taehyung #taehyung smut #taehyung x reader #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts fanfction #bts imagine #taehyung fluff #taehyung one shot #taehyung x y/n #taehyung x oc #taehyung x you #bts imagines #bts scenarios #jungkook

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leafs-lover · 4 years

Text

Because Two People Got Drunk: 15

Series Masterlist

A/N: Italics is a flashback.

Summary: It is Oliver’s first birthday party. You have friends and family visit for the occasion. You and Fred celebrate Thanksgiving as a family.

Warnings: Smut, swearing, NSFW

Word Count: 5100

Chapter 15

November 6, 2022

Today you are throwing Oliver’s first birthday party. The penguins have a few days with just practices. The leafs play the following day so Fred asked to have the party the week before his actual birthday, to allow some of his old and current teammates could come. A few of your friends have come down for the weekend to help celebrate his birthday, as well as his parents.

You through him a “Mr. Onderful” themed party; he has on a onesie that had a white bowtie, jeans and suspenders.

You walk in and see Fred dressed in jeans and a white button-up tee with a black bow tie. He gives you a hug “Hey (Y/N).” “Hey Fred, nice outfit” you say half joking half serious. He did look really good, had you weak in the knees.

“I wanted to match my boy” he jokes bouncing Oliver.

“Well you both look really good” you reply realizing you haven’t separated yet.

“So do you (Y/N/N)” he says looking down at you. You are wearing a black maxi dress, its low cut and tight in the top accentuating your boobs, at the waist it becomes flowy. You are still breast feeding, so your breasts are slightly larger.

You see Fred’s eyes shift from your eyes to your boobs which you ignore “thanks Fred.”

You separate from your hug “looks great in here” he says.

“Thanks, but Heather the planner did most of the work. Couldn’t have done this without her” you explain.

Fred rented out a large party space, and got some jumping castles and games for some of the older kids. The party colours were black, white and gold, with cookies in the shape of bowties and mustaches, as well as some cupcakes. Everything turned out super cute.

The guests start trickling in, and even though he is turning one he is spoiled by everyone. There was a fair bit of penguins gear, books, mini sticks and various sports equipment. Auston even got him a shirt that said “little red” earning a laugh from everyone.

Everyone is having a great time as Oliver stumbles around the party. Fred takes him to a jumping castle. He climbs in with him and sits on his knees and helps him jump up and down on as his baby laugh fills the room.

“That is just the cutest thing ever” Allie says, walking up with Carlee, Anna and Kathy.

“I love baby laughs, they make my heart explode” Kathy says.

“It really is” you say smiling.

“So is his girlfriend coming?” Carlee asks, but you can tell that isn’t what she wants to asks.

“Well the party is half over so I’m going to say no. Last we talked about her, he mentioned he hadn’t introduced him to Oliver yet” you respond.

“He hasn’t brought her to any games or anything. I don’t know if he is ready to introduce her to that part of his life yet either” Kathy adds.

Throughout the party you see Charlotte and Ernst, Ernst smiles at you while Charlotte walks up and you have some small talk with her. While you haven’t talked directly to her since the last time you saw her, she did add you on Instagram.

“Hey so I have something to ask you, it’s about my mom” Fred says.

“Okay, go ahead” you respond a little nervous.

“So apparently I don’t send her enough pictures or videos of Ollie, she is mad at me for this.”

This causes you to laugh lightly “Anyways I sent her a video you had posted on Instagram and she wants to know if you will accept her request so she can see pictures and videos of him since I don’t post on there. She wanted to know if you’d be comfortable with it before sending the request, didn’t want it to upset you or anything.”

“Oh come on Fred, you know me better than that. Of course she can add me!” you say.

“Thanks (Y/N/N). This really helps get me out of the dog house with her” he says, you give him a light smile.

You have sent her some videos and pictures directly to her over the past couple months, which you know she appreciates. While you know you Fred has repaired his relationship with his father, you don’t know if you will. But at least you can have some relationship and be civil with your son’s grandmother.

After the party you sit around with your friends, Oliver is with Fred for the night. “So what’s going on with you two?” Carlee asks “I saw him checking you out all night.”

“He wasn’t checking me out” you state filling up the glasses with more wine.

“He couldn’t stop staring at your boobs, he wasn’t subtle.”

“Well can you blame him?” you joke.

“Yeah they were nice before, but since you started breast feeding they are even bigger” Allie jokes.

A bottle later Carlee looks at you “so are you going to make us ask you? We know something happened” You just stare at her slowly taking a sip of wine as 4 eyes stare at you.

You know these girls see through you, being friends since kindergarten. They know what you are thinking before you even think it. You sigh before saying “about a month ago we slept together.”

“WHAT! HOW?” Carlee yells. “How was it?!” Allie yells at the same time.

“Answer her question first, spare no deets” Carlee exclaims.

“It was amazing, as always” you laugh.

“It was amazing” Allie says mockingly. “We need more.”

“Well he knows what he is doing, and he does it very well. He always has” you say taking a sip. “He isn’t someone who is just looking out for himself, he makes sure to take care of me. More than once. “ you smirk, enunciating each word. “But it happened last month, his birthday, I went to the game and we went back to his place had a couple drinks and well you know…” you trail off.

“Last time I heard a story of you two getting drunk and sleeping together it ended with a baby” Carlee laughs.

“I have an IUD now, so I don’t have to worry about forgetting pills. And he used a condom anyways.”

“Okay but like spill, there is more to this. Like how many times?” Allie says.

“We had sex once” you reply. “That’s not what we’re talking about” Carlee groans.

“Twice” you say smirking. “The first time was basically just his mouth, god he is soooo good with his mouth”

“Fuck I need to get me a guy like Freddie” Allie says. “What about the sex?”

“I told you before; he is very good at what he does. But we never talked about it the next day. When I left it was kind of awkward and cold. I don’t know if he regretted it because of Danielle, or just regretted it in general. I mean the time before it caused major problems so maybe he was waiting for something to happen. Or was expecting me to ruin it again.”

“The way he was looking at you today didn’t look like he regretted it. Looked like he wanted to do it again, and maybe another time” Carlee says grinning at you.

“I don’t want to complicate things. Besides I have been seeing someone for the past 3 weeks."

“Boring” Allie says.

“It wasn’t boring, he is a graphic designer. I’m seeing him again Tuesday night after I drop you ladies at the airport.”

“What about Fred?” “What about him, he has Danielle.”

___________________________________________________________

“Hello”

“Hey Fred. Ollie has a fever of 101, and he hasn’t been eating anything really. I called the doctor and they said to keep an eye on him and if he isn’t better to bring him in tomorrow. He won’t stop crying, I can’t calm him down” you rambles quickly barely stopping. All the time you’re talking Oliver is screaming in the background.

“Oh geez” Fred whispers quietly.

“I just, I –“ before you can answer Fred talks again “I’ll be right there.” He is at home for a homestead, but tonight is a night that you have Oliver, and Fred doesn’t have a game.

“Hey” you say opening the door.

“I finally got him to sleep” You explain. “He had a low fever this morning but wasn’t overly hungry, I thought maybe he was teething. He was playing with his toys but seemed fussier than normal. After his nap it got bad, his fever was almost 101°F, he wouldn’t eat and was screaming, I –.” Words are spewing out of your mouth a mile a minute.

He wraps you in a hug “(Y/N/N) babies get sick, it’s okay. You did everything right.” He is trying to calm you down, but your heart is racing, feels like it is beating out of your chest.

“I just am so stressed out, I didn’t know what to do. He never has been like this”

“Go sit down, I’ll get us a drink” he says walking to the kitchen, You sit on the couch and Fred joins you setting two waters on the coffee table “I thought you meant alcohol” you joke lightly as he takes off his jacket.

“Wow you look nice” you say looking him up and down. He has a nice button down shirt tucked into his black dress pants. Seeing him makes your breath hitch slightly.

“Yeah I was at dinner” he says sitting beside you.

“Sorry didn’t mean to interrupt your date.”

He stares at you for a minute. In the chaos you didn’t even get a chance to look at him, and never even considered why he asked you to watch Oliver when he was home with no game. “You would only dress like that if it was a date” you explain.

“Oh. Well it’s not a big deal, Oliver is more important.” Your heart is still racing as you sit there, he pulls you into his lap and strokes your back as tears immediately fall from your eyes. “Hey, hey, hey your fine, and he is fine, no need for this.”

He tilts your head and wipes the tears off your face placing a light kiss on your forehead. You sit there crying as place your head on his shoulder, Fred’s big arms wrapped around you. Finally you stop crying and sit there in silence. You look at Fred through your puffy blurry eyes “you’re doing great (Y/N/N).”

“Stuff like this makes me wish my mom was around still” you whisper.

“(Y/N) you are an amazing mother, and if she was around she would tell you that you’re doing everything right. Babies just gets sick sometimes. Let’s get you to bed.” He carries you to your bedroom setting you on the duvet. You pull them back sliding under them. Fred turns to leave the room “will you stay?” you ask lightly.

“Yeah of course” he replies turning off the light “ I’ll sleep on the couch”

“No, I can’t have you messing your back out there. This bed is big enough.”

“You sure?” he asks.

You nod and pull the blankets down on the other side of the bed. He removes his pants and shirt, leaving him in boxers, he crawls in beside you and pulls the duvet up. He pulls you in close and wraps his arms around you. You feel his warm body pressed against you as his hand stroke your hair lightly. His steady breathing helps slow down your heart rate as you begin to doze off.

The next morning you wake up at 6 and the bed is empty, you walk out and see Fred in the kitchen in his boxers making coffee while holding Oliver. His eyes are red from crying as he sucks on a pacifier. “Hey bud” you say toughing his forehead.

“His fever is lower than yesterday but still high” Fred explains.

“His doctor had an appointment available at 11, I’m going to take him to it. When did he wake up?”

“Half hour ago or so, he’s drank a little bit but not a lot. He has been pulling at his ear a lot, he might have an infection.” You nod pouring both of you coffee’s and begin making breakfast.

After eating you are loading the dishwasher when Fred pulls you in for a hug. “He’s napping, I’m going to go home to shower and change. I’ll be back for the appointment.”

Fred was right and Oliver had an ear infection. He called the team and missed his game that night. He stayed over the next few nights until Oliver was better, only leaving for hockey. Fred likely stayed a few days longer than needed, but you really enjoyed having him around. It helped keep you calm.

November 23, 2022

“Happy Birthday Mommy” you hear as Fred opens the door, revealing Fred and Oliver on the other side.

“Oh you are both so handsome” you say as Fred hands Oliver to you. Oliver is in jeans with a plaid shirt under a sweater vest. Fred is wearing a pair of if grey washed jeans with a tight grey long tee.

Today is your birthday, and tomorrow is American thanksgiving; Fred has a few days off so you spend that time together celebrating. You wanted time with Oliver for your birthday, and since Fred had the time off he wanted time with him so he suggested you spend a few days together, you staying in his guest room.

You walk in setting Oliver down for a minute, Fred grabs your bag and takes it to the room. You take your winter coat off and hang it up “fuck” you hear Fred mumble quietly as he comes back to the room seeing you. You have on a pair of high waist leather pants with a black silk and lace camisole under a jean jacket. His reaction makes you smile to yourself.

You walk in to the kitchen with Oliver and see that dinner is set on the table. After eating Fred gets up and gets a box, he opens it setting a cupcake in front of all of you. You raise your eyebrow as he removes it from the liner before handing it to Oliver “it’s your birthday” Fred explains.

After eating the cupcakes you pick Oliver up and hold him in your lap, Fred puts a gift bag down in front of you, which contains a new pair of white Louboutin heels, with red bottoms. “Fred you didn’t have to do this” you say holding them up to look at them, noticing the sparkles as you move them in the light.

“I didn’t, Ollie did” he shrugs. He kisses the top of your head before scooping Oliver up “speaking of, its bed time little man.” He leaves the kitchen with Oliver to get him ready for bed when your phone goes off, a facetime request from Connor.

“Hey” you say smiling as you answer it.

“Hey, happy birthday!” he says.

“Thanks, how is Minnesota?”

“It’s okay, cold” he grumbles.

You laugh lightly “how was your birthday” he questions.

“Good, Oliver bought me some shoes” you explain holding them up for the camera.

“Wow, he has good taste” he says. You set the shoes down “yeah he does.”

“So do you have a sitter for Oliver? I want to take you out to dinner when I get back for your birthday, but you mentioned you are bringing Oliver back to your place since Fred will be on the road.”

“Uh I don’t have one. But I was going to start the process of finding someone. I’m sure I can figure something out.”

You hear Fred turn the TV on in the living room as you continue to talk with Connor for a few minutes. After you hang up you join Fred on the couch as he is watching Ozark. “Who was that?” he asks.

“Connor” you pause before continuing “we’ve gone out a couple times.”

Fred nods not breaking his eyes from the TV. “If you wanted to, I could ask Christie. Ollie is comfortable with her.”

“Yeah that would be great” you say before settling in to watch TV.

The next day is Thanksgiving, and you are having a lazy day at home. Oliver remains in his pyjamas while running around playing with toys or bringing you books to read. Fred spends the day in his track pants, hung low on his hips and a white t-shirt, you lounging in a loose t-shirt with track shorts. You go to the park, and spend time as a family.

You sit on the counter drinking wine watching Fred as he loads the day’s dishes into the dishwasher. You’re entire day makes you realize what you could have had if you hadn’t panicked earlier in the year, what your life could have been. You swirl the glass in your hand staring at him as he bends over, you see his pants tighten around his ass. You lick your lips eyes locked on him. You don’t even realize that Fred has stood up and is looking at you until you hear him laughing.

Your head snaps up and you realize he caught you staring at him, a blush creeps across your face as he smirks, “sorry” you mumble quickly diverting your eyes taking a sip of wine.

“You could try to not be so obvious” he chuckles.

“Oh, like you are subtle” you retort a smile coming across your face.

“I don’t know what you’re–“

“Oh please, 90% of the conversations you have with me you’re staring about 8 inches below my eyes. Don’t even try to deny it”

He smiles lightly as his cheeks turn red. “I mean I don’t blame you, they are nice” you joke taking another slow sip of wine.

He walks over to you and stops a few inches in front of you ”they are nice” he says. He places his hands on the counter on either side of you “very nice” he whispers, his mouth inches from your ears. You feel wetness pooling in your core, Fred leans forward pressing his bulge against your thigh.

You tilt your head slightly to look at him; his lips are quickly on yours. You wrap your legs around his waist pulling him in close as your hands reach up to his neck, tangling in his hair. He deepens the kiss; you allow his tongue entrance as you place your wine glass on the counter. The kiss becomes sloppy, a frantic mess of tongues and lips. His calloused hand comes up your shirt and begins playing with your nipple under your bra.

You break the kiss for a moment to remove his shirt, your mouth returns to him, this time to his chest. You begin biting his chest, only separating briefly when he removes your shirt and bra.

He stares at you smiling “so fucking nice” he says before his mouth attaches to your nipple, swirling his tongue around it before sucking on it. A low groan leaves your mouth as your head falls back, your nails scratching his biceps, he brings a hand up to your hair and roughly grabs it as he pulls your head back biting your collarbone. He bites and sucks along your neck as you moan out, he applies pressure pushing you backward onto the cool marble counter. He begins making his way down to your core sucking and biting down your stomach.

“Mmm Fred” you say as he slides your pants down your legs. He places soft kisses on your thigh as he moves closer to the area where you need him most. He moves to kiss you on top of your lace underwear, his beard tickling the inside of you. “Oh” you moan as his tongue pushes into you.

“You’re soaked baby” he says kissing you over your underwear he groans as he tastes you through the lace. “Who did this to you?”

His tongue continues to push into you over your underwear. “You did” you moan out. Fred pulls up and bites your thigh while he hooks a finger in your underwear pulling it down your legs.

“You’re so beautiful” he says bending down looking directly at your clit, “so fucking beautiful.” You feel his cool breath as his beard rubs the inside of his thighs. He nips the inside of your legs slowly inching towards you core. As he approaches, your back arches before he moves to kiss your pubic bone.

You are getting annoyed by his teasing and before you can say anything you feel him lick a stripe up you. He stops at your clit and begins to suck on it. “Fuck” you mumble, feeling Fred smile against you. He keeps sucking on your clit as your hands reach down, gripping the counter. Fred slips his tongue inside your folds his nose brushing against your clit.

He licks the inside of your walls, your hands gripping the counter tighter, knuckles going white, as your hips lift slightly. Fred throws his arm over your hips to hold them in place. His other hand comes up to your nipple massaging it, while his tongue continues to lick the inside of you.

“Freddie” you groan “I’m close.” You’re almost surprised by how quickly he has you on the edge, but he knows your body almost better than you know yourself.

He dives in deeper, his hand pinching your nipple. He sucks on your folds, before sliding his tongue back in your folds. He pushes his nose in harder to your clit, you begin to whimper as your high approaches you. You close your eyes, his nose brushing your swollen bud. You moan as your orgasm comes, you spasm around his tongue as your legs tighten around his head.

He continues working on you as your orgasm continues, he doesn’t move back until he has licked up all your cum. He finally stands up wiping his hand on his mouth to remove the juices from his face, and wiping his hands on his pants. You sit up slightly on your forearms as Fred brings his head to yours, locking you in a deep kiss.

He brings his hands under your thighs, your legs wrapping around his waist. He hoists you up carrying you down the hall, you bite his neck and chest leaving marks. He drops you gently on the bed hovering over you. You pull him closer before you push him onto his back as you straddle him. You rock against him, feeling his sweatpants rub against your core. You feel his hard member underneath you, and slide a hand inside and find his bare penis. You raise an eyebrow at him “no underwear?” you question as you stroke him.

You slide off the bed, pulling his sweats down with you. You crawl over him and place kisses on his abs trailing down his treasure line, his hands reach for your hair. You kiss his stomach, moving lower to his groin when you feel him push your head down trying to get you where he needs you.

“You want something Fred?” you ask innocently placing a light kiss on his tip.

“Babe” he groans trying to push you down further.

“Relax, so needy” you chuckle before licking a stripe on the underside of him. You place a soft kiss on his balls before you continue to his tip, tasting the pre-cum.

“(Y/N) please” he groans.

“Not a fan of being teased eh” you say placing another kiss to his shaft. Before he can respond you wrap a hand around him. You begin stroking him up and down a few times, you suck on his hip while you continue stroking him.

“Fuck” he says, his hands relaxing on you.

“This what you wanted?” you ask seductively, the speed of your hand increasing.

“Yes” he pants.

“You sure?” you lean down and suck another mark on his hip, causing his hip to lift slightly. “I think you want something else” you kiss his tip again “yeah?”

“Please” he moans keeping his eyes locked on you. He watches as you slide his length into your mouth swirling your tongue around him. You bob on him, hollowing your cheek to allow him in deeper. You set a steady pace, bobbing on him.

“(Y/N/N)” he says softy his hands gripping the bedsheets. You can tell he is getting close, as you continue to deep throat him. He hits the back of your throat while you bring a hand up to massage his balls. You take his entire length in your mouth, choking slightly as you continue your pace.

“(Y/N)” he says a little louder this time. “Babe you gotta stop” he says reaching down to pull you off him. You pout as he pulls you in for a deep passionate kiss sucking on your bottom before he pushes you onto your back.

He kisses your chest, sucking on your nipple, you feel his throbbing cock pressed into your stomach. He uses a knee to spread your legs slightly before he slides two fingers into your folds. You moan as he continues sucking your nipple. He slowly thrusts his fingers in and out of you, pushing them fully in every time.

You bend your knee and Fred kisses the inside of your thigh. His fingers thrusting inside you, his thumb pressing circles on your clit. He returns biting your neck as you bring your hands to his chest scratching down it as he continues to thrust in slowly before he fully pulls out of you. You wince at the empty feeling before Fred brings them to your lips. You open your mouth and he slips his fingers in your mouth. You taste your juices as you clean his fingers.

He pulls his fingers from you “flip over” he says. When you flip onto your hands and knees you hear the sound of foil tearing behind you. You feel his hard member brush against your folds, his tip teasing your entrance. You grind your ass back trying to push onto him.

“Relax, so needy” he chuckles lightly smacking your ass, you groan as he uses your words against you. He slowly slides himself inside you bottoming out, you feel yourself stretching for him. He pulls out, his hands resting on your hips. He uses them to pull you back against him. He sets a fast pace as you continue to grind back onto him. His hand leaves your hip and slaps your ass, harder this time, you wince at the pain as his hand returns to your hip. You continue rolling against him, his pace picks up.

You feel him lean around you, his hand reaches to rub your clit. He starts rubbing fast circles as you feel him becoming sloppy behind you. He uses his other hand to pull you back hard into him

“Aaah, right there” you moan “don’t stop.”

You hear a strangled laugh leave his mouth “didn’t plan on it.” You begin to feel your walls beginning to tighten. “Fuck” you mumble.

“You close (Y/N/N)?” he questions.

“Yeah, so close” a choked groan escapes your lips.

He continues his pace, rubbing on your clit. Your walls tighten as you clench around him, he keeps thrusting while your orgasm continues. Once you return from your high you feel him thrusting his hands pulling your hips back hard onto him.

“Freddie” you moan loudly. He keeps his pace before you continue “babe I want to ride you.”

He quickly pulls out and lies on his back; you crawl over to him and easily slide back onto him. Your hands scratch his chest as you set a quick pace on him. He pushes his hips up, pressing further into you “babe” you groan.

“You gonna cum again?” he asks, his hands playing with your breasts. Your head falls back as you keep rising on him. “You have one more babe?” he asks. You aren’t able to answer him before you feel your walls tighten around him again. Your hands dig hard into his chest as you ride him through your high.

You feel him thrust into you a few more times before his dick twitches, him spilling into the condom. You collapse on your back beside Fred.

You lay there for a few minutes, allowing your heart rates to stabilize. Fred gets up and heads to his bathroom to dispose of the condom, returning with boxers on. He has a damp cloth in his hand that he uses to gently clean you before he walks over to his dresser pulling out a t-shirt.

You roll over and sit on your knees as he pulls the t-shirt over your head. You look to the red marks on his hips and your hand grazes over the scratches on his firm chest. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to do such a number on your chest.” A smile comes across his face as he crawls in the bed. He pulls you down into his arms “don’t apologize, I enjoyed it” he says as he kisses you lightly.

The next morning you wake up and brew coffee when you hear Oliver stirring. You place him in the highchair and get him breakfast. You reach up to get two mugs, causing Fred’s t-shirt to rise, revealing you black lace panties “Jesus” you hear Fred grumble behind you. You turn around and immediately hit Fred’s hard shirtless chest, he reaches around you to grab the mugs for you. He sets them on the counter beside you, before bringing a hand to play with the hem of your shirt. You look up at him as he brings his lips down to yours engaging you in a passionate kiss. You moan lightly, he pulls back slightly smiling against your lips “good morning.”

You spend the rest of Friday with him and Oliver. You watch movies and play toys enjoying your time the three of you. After you put Oliver to bed, you walk into the hallway and Fred pushes you against the wall, he picks you up and carries you to bed where you spend the night tangled in his sheets.

The next morning you leave when Fred leaves for a road trip. He helps you down to your car and buckles Oliver into his car seat. Before letting you into your car he pins you against it, bringing his lips down for a deep passionate kiss.

“I had a good couple days with you” he says mumbling against your lips. Your hands lace into his hair and smile “me too” you say before kissing him one last time.

Oliver’s Birthday:

Your shoes:

Next Chapter

#Freddie Andersen #Frederik Andersen #Fred Andersen #Freddie Andersen Smut #Fred Andersen Smut #Fred Andersen Fic #Freddie Andersen Fic #Frederik Andersen Smut #Frederik Andersen Fic #NHL Smut #NHL Fic #fred andersen x reader #freddie andersen x reader #frederik andersen x reader #fredzilla #because two people got drunk #my writing

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royaltealovingkookiness · 5 years

Text

I was totally not going to do Zutara Week, but seeing all the great stuff around I just had to write this. Story inspired by this fantastic piece of art. Read on AO3 or below. @zutaraweek

Day 1 - Gifts

The Painted Lady glided through the red-and-gold hallways silently. It had been so long since she set foot in this place. Not since the virtues of justice and charity were abandoned by its owners in pursuit of glory and riches. But there were murmurs that things had changed. She was curious.

The kitchen was bustling with activity. Knives dancing on chopping boards, pans sizzling with sauces, the fire burning in the oven.

“Don’t forget the plum-glaze on the pig-chicken, Michi, it’s the General’s favourite,” the head cook elbowed a sleepy sous-chef.

Two young women were working on a dessert in the shape of a pond made from sparkling blue jelly, sculpting delicate turtle-ducklings out of melted candy. “It’s coming along nicely,” the chef gave them an encouraging nod.

She tasted the soup steaming in a huge pot with an uncertain expression. “Perhaps add a little bit more lemongrass? I’m afraid that the recipe I’ve had sent in from the South Pole is dreadfully unspecific on the spicing. But don’t make it too hot,” she instructed the plump woman in charge.

The Painted Lady continued her way up to the second floor. Servants were busy decorating the dining hall with garlands and lampions. It was a cavalcade of colours and shapes; the sun and the moon, red and blue dragons, pink, green and yellow fish and birds. The long tables were already covered with crisp white table-cloth, and set with fine china bowls and plates. Laughter and chatter brightened the hall as the servants worked eagerly, careful to make everything perfect for the omiyamairi.

The Painted Lady continued her way and came to a halt in front of a heavy wooden door.

A young guard passed by her, unaware of her presence as he came running, yelling excitedly. “The guests have arrived.”

The woman standing in front of the door in Kyoshi uniform, motionless like a statue, scolded him on low voice. “Shhhh, she’s sleeping.”

The Painted Lady slid past them, into the room. It struck her how different it was from the rest of the palace. Brighter, softer. Instead of heavy crimson and gold curtains, the windows were covered with light white and blue linens. The paintings on the walls depicted curious animals from all around the world; penguins and turtle-seals ducking in icy ponds, sky-bison and flying lemurs soaring in the blue sky peppered with fluffy clouds, badgermoles clawing their way around their intricate tunnels under the green grass, dragons circling in the setting sun, turtle-ducks swimming in a pond, komodo-rhinos and ostrich-horses running wild in green pastures. A world once believed to be irrevocably lost. But hope sprung again that things could change for the better.

She frowned when she noticed the figure covered in black leaning over the cradle.

“You!” she said in alarm. “I didn’t think I’d find you here.”

The figure lifted his face, a familiar blue-and-white mask of permanently mischievous grin.

“Well, I could say the same, my Lady. It’s been far too long,” the Blue Spirit greeted her, his voice low and gravelly.

She lifted her hands. “Step away, evil spirit, she’s under my protection. I’ve brought her gifts.”

There was no way he had a better claim than her to be the baby’s guide.

“Get in line then, I suggest,” he snickered, “because I got here first.”

“What could you give her that she’d want?” the Painted Lady grimaced. “The world has had enough evil already.”

“The spirit of freedom and self-reliance.” The Blue Spirit placed his hands over the cradle in a motion of blessing. “And that of selfless sacrifice,” he added quietly, like it was something private, something he didn’t want to share with her.

“What would you know about selflessness?” She didn’t believe him for one second. He was a well-known trickster and trouble-maker, only ever looking out for himself.

“The truth is, we spirits are shaped by the beliefs of humans in us. And thanks to her father, people see me differently now. Something of a hero. Savior of the Avatar, I’m sure you heard,” the Blue Spirit winked at her. Yes, the Painted Lady had heard something about that, even if it was hard to believe that he of all spirits could ever change. “He helped me remember who I was and what I really stood for.”

The Painted Lady pondered his words. His story was strangely familiar. It was something they apparently had in common.

“I know what you mean. I have started to fade away - there was too little justice and charity left in the world to sustain me. But her mother reignited the flame in people’s hearts and my shrines are once again alive. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.”

“Justice and charity are noble gifts indeed. Go ahead, my Lady,” the Blue Spirit stood aside, letting her close to the crib.

Lifting her veil, the Painted Lady leaned over the sleeping baby. Fine, dark-brown curls framed her delicate face.

“She’ll have her mother’s hair,” she noted with satisfaction. She felt connected to the young woman whose spirit awakened her from a long lull of frozen sleep, and by extension to this child.

The Painted Lady marked the baby’s sand-coloured skin with red spirit-paint for justice and drew a silver-moon on her forehead for charity. Her fingers were light as the night breeze, yet the little girl stirred and opened her eyelids. Her eyes shone like golden gemstones, as she stared at the spirits calmly.

“She has her father’s eyes,” the Blue Spirit pointed out with satisfacton and reached out to tickle her arms gently. He seemed surprisingly warm, almost fatherly.

The baby started to wiggle, kicking off her covers. The spirits gasped when they noticed the two rag-dolls lying next to her in the crib - black and white, blue and red, a man and a woman.

“That’s us!” They looked at each other in wonderment.

The baby made excited noises. The connecting door opened immediately and a young man dressed in red pajama pants appeared with a worried face.

“That’s him,” the Blue Spirit whispered.

The Painted Lady watched him curiously as he leaned over the crib and lifted the infant. Was he good enough to have stolen the young girl’s precious heart? He held his daughter close to his bare chest, supporting the back of her fragile neck with his strong hand. The baby quieted against his heartbeat, her little fists gripping his long, black hair.

“You think she’s hungry, Zuko?” A voice from the other room called. The Painted Lady recognized it immediately as the voice of the caring, young girl.

“Maybe,” he replied. He ran his fingers along the baby’s cheek. “Come little Turtle-Duck, time to see Mummy.”

They disappeared behind the connecting door.

The Painted Lady hurried after them, but the Blue Spirit planted himself in her way.

“Where are you going, my Lady? Our mission is done here. You know the rules,” he reminded her.

He was right of course. The divide between the world of humans and spirits couldn’t be crossed lightly. The spirits were not to meddle unnecessarily. But the Painted Lady wanted to see her so badly, to make sure she was happy. She smiled coyly at the Blue Spirit, he was known for bending rules after all.

“Just a glance,” she promised and he let her pass. She glided through the door and he followed her only after a moment of hesitation.

The room was veiled in silvery-soft moonlight. There she was on the large bed, propped up against the pillows, cradled in her husband’s arms, her blue eyes sparkling with the purest joy. The baby rested on her breast, small hands grasping unto her mother’s skin. The hungry gulps and snuffles of the infant as she suckled were the only noise in the room.

“What a beautiful family,” the Painted Lady sighed happily.

“I think they were made for each other,” the Blue Spirit nodded in agreement. “And however small, we had a part in this.”

“Ssshhhhhh,” someone shushed them. They looked around startled. Yue, the moon spirit scowled at them from above.

The Painted Lady and the Blue Spirit backed out of the room quietly; it was never a good idea to anger the greater spirits.

They paused in the empty nursery, unsure of how to proceed, now that fate brought them together in such a strange way.

“Well, I guess, this is it, my Lady. Until next time,” bowed the Blue Spirit.

The Painted Lady was about to say good riddance, for old times' sake but she couldn’t shake the picture of the happy family from her mind. Creation, rebirth, peace, unity, love. Maybe the spirits could learn from the humans too every once in a century. Maybe their faith in the spirits could really change them for the better. She watched the Blue Spirit pensively, remembering the young man cradling his family.

“Actually, I’m heading south,” she started hesitantly. “Gaipo region is suffering from floods - I could use the help.”

To her surprise, the Blue Spirit nodded eagerly. “It is a worthy cause. Lead the way, my Lady.”

#atla #Zutara Week 2019 #atla fanfic #blue spirit #painted lady #zutara #zutara fanfic #brusselssprout writes #Day 1 #prompt: gifts #rtk does zutara week

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szopenhauer · 4 years

Text

Can you talk on the phone while having the tv/radio on? not really ^^”

Describe your teeth: ugh...

Whats the longest youve lived without electricity? days, maybe weeks, no longer than 2

Name all the types/brands of cigarettes you have tried: RGD blue

What is one thing you stand strongly for? hmm... I’m weak

If you could be the owner of one site what would it be? old polyvore :( I’d keep it

What does your doormat say? sadly nothing

What is something you always have in your fridge? light lol

What age can you not wait for? I’m not looking forward to growing older wtf

Name all the drugs you’d never do: I don’t plan to try any illegal substances nor even cigarettes or alcohol

What is the most alcohol you’ve drank in a night? half a mug of absynth while I was on meds that I shouldn’t mix with it :x

What street sign do you find totally pointless? round ones have no points lmfao *dry humor

Do you like water? but drink or what?

Would you ever be a zoo keeper? maybe Do you like the name Mia? it reminds me of Mamma mia and I disliked this movie as I’m not fan of musicals so... Do you have pictures in your room of your friends and you? just parents and dog, not even grandma’s anymore Would you like to live in Canada? no Do you want to be a mouse? dunno When was the last time you had a date? recently Are you in a poke war on Facebook? it reminds me of Sebastian :x Aren’t penguins cute? they’re fine Would you rather have your friends at your house or you at theirs? have friends over is cool if not my mother and mess (and covid now too of course) as going out is a struggle True or false: Life is unfair. sigh... Do you have curtains in your living room? What do they look like? we do, they’re like golden/yellowish/beige

Are you a fan of Star Wars? huge

Do you hate when people don’t capitilize the beginning of the sentence? I do it all the time True or False: Justin Bieber is gay. he’s married to a female, he was dating a gal before too, it’s unlikely

Are you worried about how much paper and water we use? mhm

Did you ever take a computer class in school? we all had to Would you like to sit around and do nothing all day? mmm :3

Mini skirts, jeans or both? neither Are you good at come backs? better than when I was a kid fo sho! When’s the last time you watched the news? I don’t even remember Do you really think that the number 13 is unlucky? it’s my dad’s lucky number Personality or looks? personality is 90% + I don’t count sex - just women exclusively Do you ever dance around your room when your by yourself? at times Do you hate the cold? very, brrr How long can you hold your breath for? about a minute? What’s something you seem to run out of often? ... Do you think that there really is someone out there for all of us? not for every human being Do you think Cookie Monster is cute? it’s alright Do you ever wish you were a bird? yes Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? I fight a lot of ppl in my dreams Do you ever wish on your eye lashes? I believe they’re sent by those who think about you instead Do you ever make up stories in your head and wish they come true? some of them only Do you look at people in the eyes when you talk to them? usually not when I talk which makes them think I’m lying, I prefer to look them in the eye when I listen Which is worse: stuffy nose or runny nose? runny nose is worse Do you think it would be cool to be part of the royal family? it would be easier in some ways, harder in others, guess it could be worthy after all? Do you have to wear a belt with your pants? I don’t own/wear any Do you think your last relationship was a disaster? I’m taken rn True or False : You were born in March false Do you wear hats in the winter? I do, it’s cold

Are you looking forward to the new year? sorta Are you afraid that one day you may get cancer? I know I will Which is worse : Dentist or doctor? doctor

Do you hate when the radio overplays a song? that’s one of the reasons I don’t listen to the radio What’s your least favorite thing that begins with the letter C? chronic illnesses? Do you wish you could walk on water? how would I take a bath then? Which is your favorite symbol : ! @ $ % ^ & * ( ) ? ? Do you like your legs? they’re not the worst Would you rather visit London or Paris? London Twilight or Harry Potter? HP if I have to choose any Do you have a big nose? I heard I do, they were calling me NOSE in middle school Can you rap? nah Do you like the number 4? meh What color is your bike? my push scooter is green ;) Have you ever tried to count the stars? I don’t think so Are you not over someone? apparently as we’re dating

Have you kissed someone today? not today Have you taken a painkiller today? nope Have you had a nap today? neither If you’re currently in a relationship - do you think it will last? I’m afraid not ;( *covid, my issues, our differences etc. - everything can fuck it up and probably will I try to enjoy the moment but it will break us hard sooner or later and I’m getting used to the tought even tho she asks me not to give up (I don’t plan to but I worry she might) I’m gonna miss what we have... if this relationship won’t work I’m not gonna look for anybody new ever What would you wear if you were being taken out to dinner tonight? how fancy? Do you take your Christmas decorations down before or after New Years? after, before my birthday Have you made a large purchase today? no Have you ever had a migraine? it’s a disease, you either have it or not, that’s not just a single headache Have you locked your front door today? my parents are outside muahahaha Have you been awake before sunrise today? noooooooo

Do you normally eat dessert? nope Do you think you could be happy if you had to live with only nine outfits? not during winter Do you watch sunrises? barely ever Do you wake up before the sunrise? when I can’t sleep Do you watch sunsets? not interested

What would you paint on a pumpkin? why not carve? Do you ever imagine you are richer than you are? when planning my dream apartment Do you ever imagine that you live in an entirely different world? kind of Would you rather change your first name or your middle? I have no middle name, I could add one or change first, whatever Do you wish your last name was more interesting? more like shorter If you wrote a novel, would you give the characters ordinary names? it varies Do you worry too much? I’m a worrier What’s your favorite leaf color? green Do you wonder if you have super vision? I have a very good vision which is weird knowing how much I read in the past and how long I sit in front of the computer Do you like the smell of autumn leaves? not a fan If you were a singer, what would you sing and write songs about? sad stuff Would you rather be a dancer or a musician? musician

Where do you put your keys when you get home? not gonna tell you

Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? what if I win the contest?...

What does a successful relationship look like to you? success is when ppl die together (I mean not the same time but when they get older together) and not just because they had to, relationship is more than getting used to and coping - it’s happiness out of being together even if everything around is shit, you know what I mean?

What is the best house you’ve ever lived in? I’ve never moved

Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? if I need to

Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? nope?

What was the last email you received? spam

Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? less filters than most but it also depends on who they’re talking to and what about

Are you the youngest, middle or eldest child in your family? youngest

What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? I’m a procrastinator so don’t even ask

What’s the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? fb messenger

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batb1tch · 5 years

Text

It’s my boy’s birthday so here are some Jason Todd head-canons 🎉

Probably 3rd to last (Alfred and Bruce) on the list of ‘understanding internet slang’ in the household. He died and just sort of fell behind on the times (including memes, pop culture references,etc..) I know he’s known for making snarky quips and sarcastic comments but I have no doubt his siblings would call him out on his outdated references. It’s likely it’d really piss him off too like, knowledge is really everything to this kid and here he is with a group of teenagers who are always on top of shit (Steph, Tim, Duke, even Dick) and he doesn’t know what they’re talking about the majority of the time. Can’t figure out how to use Twitter or Snapchat and he does not have the patience to learn. It’s a genuine sore spot for him regardless of the humorous side.

Has an inner city accent that will never leave him. Still pronounce “on” like “awn” and frequently drops his r’s (which Bruce acts like he hates but really he finds it endearing.) Drops his “ing”s like “nothing” is “nothin.”

Fantastic chef, learned from the best. Very good at making something out of nothing and making it last. Steph has been showing him how to can things like fruit and vegetables. She’s basically just enabled his doomsday prepping behavior.

Speaking of, if you think Bruce is bad with the backup plans (yes there is always a b c d — z) where do you think Jay got it from? Absolutely anal about planning and contingencies. Has a backup for his backups.

Has a small hoard of books hidden in an end-table back at one of his safe houses. His favorite classics (mostly gifted by Bruce.)

Loves the smell of paper.

Definitely could use them but refuses to get glasses. Babs teases him for his squinting when she gets the chance.

“Just join the club book-worm, promise it won’t ruin your badass reputation.”

Jason ~squinting~ “I’d rather die....again.”

Collects cool bookmarks.

Definitely names his guns.

Favorite meal is literally any Spanish/Mexican dish followed by a good chili dog & a coke.

Can pack away enough food to feed a horse and keep going, not even Bruce knows how he does it. Alfred acts like he’s a pain in the ass to cook for but loves feeding him anyways. “You’ll eat us out of house and home someday my dear boy, good god.”

While we’re at it, he is 100% taller and wider than Bruce. You might think it makes Bruce a bit uncomfortable when standing right next to him (I mean...it does lol) but he absolutely loves when Jay throws his weight around because the malnourished string-bean of a child that he met on the street could now powerlift a small automobile and he is so fucking proud and happy that he grew up to be big and healthy (that he managed to grow up AT ALL mind you) how could he be mad? He probably tears up at the dinner table after Jay fills his plate for 4th time that evening and still intends to stay for dessert because he loVES HIM.

His feet definitely hang off the end of his bed by like, the shins because his room only has a full compared to everyone else’s king/queen. It never got upgraded when he hit puberty (because he was dead) and then he wouldn’t let anyone change it once he came back because that’s his bed “don’t fucking touch it I still fit just fine.” (Even though he’s like 22 and there’s a dip in the mattress that could put the Grand Canyon to shame.)

Still has a picture of Catherine hidden away. Visits her grave on the anniversary and always brings her favorite flowers (Lillie’s.)

His hands get cold really easily and they’re always dry/calloused.

Snores. Loudly.

The Lazarus pit did NoT heal his autopsy scar that shit is there for life and it is big and it is ugly. He doesn’t like taking his shirt off because of it and the look on Bruce’s face when he sees it could strip wallpaper.

Stopped dying the lock of white hair on his head.

Has spring allergies that turn him into a giant snotting watery eyed whiny baby.

He’s claustrophobic and not a fan of the dark. It’s why his helmet has night vision.

(While we’re at it, that helmet has to be the equivalent of like, iron mans on the inside. Definitely has built in comms, scopes, analysis systems, navigation, etc etc. the WORKS. whICH he designed and created himself because he’s brilliant.) (Actually Roy might have helped a little but don’t tell him that.)

Has a work-in-progress bike in the cave that hasn’t been finished for over 2 years and it will never be finished because he uses it as an excuse to hangout and spend time with Bruce. Drives Steph crazy to see it sit there but she gets it.

During his first Thanksgiving with Bruce and Alfred he cried for 15 minutes before dinner (which he’s still embarrassed about to this day) and then ate until he literally puked. He hasnt missed many Thanksgivings since he died.

TERRIBLE at 1st-person-shooters and super pissed about it.

“That’s not even realistic, an HK-416 doesn’t even have a 200 round drum. It’s bonkers! It’s madness Tim!”

“Shut the fuck up Jason you haven’t even been facing the right way since we started.”

(He’ll stick to Space Invaders and Mario fuck you very much.)

Really good at piano. Bruce asked him to start playing seriously when he moved in because “learning a musical instrument teaches self -discipline and versatility” but really it’s because one day during his Robin years Jay sat down and started plinking on the keys to a song he learned at the public youth-center on the “old shitty out of tune” wood one they had and it just happened to be a song Martha used to play Bruce all the time. He wanted to hear it fill the halls again.

Gets in a screaming match with Bruce nowadays and instead of lighting up one of Penguin’s underground casinos (like he might of used to 👀) he’ll disappear for a month to cool down. You can always tell when he gets over it though because he sends the family a postcard from wherever he is in the world. (Alfred puts them all on the fridge.)

Pit symptoms used to (and occasionally still do) include horrific night terrors, black-out rage, and brief moments of hallucinations or flashbacks. He had to relive the period of time shortly after he was pulled out through graphic and warped recollections (typically after not getting enough sleep or engaging in physical altercations.) He really only started to work through this after Ducra had suggested keeping a log and writing down everything he could remember. After a time he was able to piece together the things he had experienced or done (mostly to others) and as awful and horrible as knowing may have been, he could at least start to move on.

The more time he spent with Damian after he came back the more he could remember as well. He will occasionally speak to him in Arabic & not even realize he’s doing it (which scares the pants of Dames, himself, and Bruce.)

He does feel closer to the little gremlin because of it though. Talia likely had him as a baby with her the majority of the time after he was born and Jay was recovering/training, so he spent a substantial amount of time with both of them.

Bruce bought him a kindle for Christmas one of the first years he was back and he was (and still is but don’t tell the old man that) elated.

Occasionally mumbles in his sleep, usually in a variety of languages.

He does smoke, mostly only when he gets stressed out (because everyone reams him for it otherwise.) You’d think it’s a rebellious street kid thing but it’s actually because Catherine used to smoke the same brand and the smell reminds him of her.

His shoe size is a 13.

The time shortly after he crawled out of his own grave he could see ghosts (and I’m talking straight up dead people.) He can’t recall much of this or the time spent actually deceased (even after his dunk in the pit) but even now he’ll see things move out of the corner of his eye or get cold chills or feel like he’s being watched. When he hasn’t slept for like, 4 days and is bordering on manic depressive and harmful behavior, he starts seeing them again. Constantine prob finds him real interesting.

My guess is that he did see Catherine when he died but overall ended up in some sort of purgatory-like state which he can’t recall.

When he blushes it’s the hollows of his cheeks, back of the ears and neck and all the way down the front of his chest. The autopsy scar shows up white against it.

Has those hands that no matter how many times he washes them the oil/gun cleaner doesn’t come out of the cracks. Looks like a mechanic.

Tends to wear thicker work/type clothing like carhart fireproof pants and boots. Obviously his jacket too.

Not a fan of cold weather at all. His nose and cheek get really red and he shivers (as unmanly as that is)

OCD. His apartments are spotless, weapons and ammunition categorized and logged, etc.

Had asthma as a child and sort of grew out of it but sometimes his endurance suffers as an adult because of it.

Has this particular phone case 💀

#jason todd #jason peter todd #dc #batfam #red hood

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italianfish · 5 years

Text

Here’s some things that I’ve overheard recently

- That bridge was created by erosion

- Holy tolino that’s a nice tree!

- Ivy! There’s the guy we don’t like (Trump in a car)

- Why wouldn’t you want to be king? You could get corgis, they’re adorable

- That’s not an allergy, that’s a life choice

- Are you that one guy? Are you DongleMc DongleSon?

- Woooo! CHEMEX!

- THE FURIES ARE COMING

- I NEED A BOYFRIEND AND A SWEATSHIRT

- I wonder what animal that is? Oh wait, it’s a log

- Just a cone, no ice cream. I don’t like ice cream

- My chicken BLT came without the chicken!

- I should have kept the headband from the tampons

- You’ve been reduced to a codename

- Hug, Marry, Exile, the Brucified sleepover game

- It’s just the toes

- Parf Tarts

- It’s crispy?!?!

- When I’m like, 60, I’m going to do drugs

- What really is life without watching Bob Ross?

- 13 YEARS!!!

- Stacy’s mom is Parker’s grandma~

- EmBruce it

- It’s not a water break, it’s a hydration break

- That bird is using a crosswalk!

- I don’t know any colleges in Massachusetts!

- What even is frick without frack

- I’m emotionally offended by your haircut

- That’s like a cat fart

- Someone just shat

- I’M NOT A CHILD PREDATOR DEANNA!!!

- I’ll sue that movie, they stole my idea (Just finished watching Hotel Transylvania 3)

- See, Amanda. That’s your noise

- My mom told me that if you sleep with your phone under your pillow you get fat

- If he were gay he’d be adorable

- He’s racist to chairs

- Flarion is my boob

- Don’t throw the ball at the referee, it’ll hurt his feelings

- Fuck yeah, your name’s Keith

- Can you deep throat a firecracker?

- Your earlobe is soft

- I would sell my toes for my old hair

- It’s like eating a period, NO

- What a funny looking animal (Giraffe)

- Giraffes are the most ridiculous animals

- Ew, keep your ebola away from me

- Look at that glass shard, that must be uncomfortable

- Do sloths have ears?

- Lip jellies freak me out

- A: I have three boobs (Sloth in shirt) B: I have uh.... Arthritis

- Instagram knows I’m lonely

- Knock on any Nonna’s door and tell them you’re Jewish and they’ll pity you and throw you a feast

- But this time it’s just the nose

- I want Granny panties

- Why do we only have confidence when our shirts are off?

- Why is an 8 year old twerking on my leg

- She has curves, you have rectangles

- I’m depressed, give me your water

- Dude! I look like a freaking lion!

- My loofa unraveled...

- I’m eating ramen with a singular coffee straw

- These walls better be soundproof (Amanda loudly singing in the background)

- I’m ready for my 4am Taco Bell runs

- Wifi in Spanish is wee-fee

- I didn’t see the body

- We should crochet together

- Yeah! I was a baby model.

- I don’t know if he likes me or if he’s just the gay best friend

- Have you pooped this week? You need to poop

- You’ve got all your limbs and you’re ready to go

- I need affection

- Diego’s eating rocks again~

- Wait. You’re instagramming my dog?

- I love letting people know what I’m up to

- It’s so funny, it’s like the ying and the yang

- You’re in my world now Grandma

- Two nipples? I don’t need nipples

- You are one gassy fellow

- You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up on our side of the bus

- I can never tell if you’re just depressed or listening to music

- I’ve got a photo shoot coming up for a calendar, for hot teachers with 6-packs. I’m October

- 38 on rotten potatoes!

- I’m hungry, I’m delirious

- DON’T PINCH MY CHUB

- I love clapping thighs in the evening

- Dude, I’m so ready to mingle

- Do you have a magician book

- Let’s taste those minerals

- The sauce is forever

- Why is everything so straight

- The right nipples don’t deserve rights

- We used to have a zebra and he was vicious

- Very important, I forgot shoes

- You look like a lumber snack

- A: I’m the only one here who looks like a hobo B: Really? Say that again A: We can be hobos together

- Woah dude! Can we take a picture of you? *Truck next to the bus*

- What were you guys doing? Bathing yourselves in the toilet?

- I want to be those people in Wii sports (The background characters that make the noises)

- Then we can have a dance party in a prison cell!

- Most of the bible sounds like gay fanfics

- It’s Frozen all over again!

- I have my metal bus on the straw

- My mom told my Dad to not be a weenie

- I’m going to build my house doors really short so you can’t come in

- Do you want to be black with me?

- Are you the black man?

- How did chutes and ladders go sexual?

- What if there was a rotisserie chicken hanging from the ceiling

- No one said Californians are smart, they’re just hippies who smoke weed

- Stop losing me in airport bathrooms

- What’s with those muscular kneecaps

- Queers doesn’t shake hands

- I’m drowning! I’m not even in the water

- Is this baptism?

- Breakfast doesn’t deserve grace

- It’s not just airport bathrooms

- Ice Age, watch it, absorb it

- I call first waz

- If you’re saying waz you’re not fancy

- I have so many bodily fluids to get rid of

- Don’t eat the lotion samples

- Why are our shoes not curved

- I’m just a fat guy so everything is delicious

- My name is Gay Fieri

- *Monotone iCarly theme song*

- I love Chipoodle

- The others are just Bat-ships

- You ever tie a banana to a tree?

- Can we have a fashion show?

- I’m gonna waz myself

- That’s the Death Star again

- Why do you have glitter on you?

- I smoke the mara-ja-wanna

- I have a gelato emergency

- This is our entertainment for the day (Watching a (probably) crazy man dance)

- I have a lot of questions about pottery

- Ever since I was a small child I have found myself goo-goo-ga-ga

- There are too many cans

- We need to stop canning beans

- Forks are way better than spoons

- I hate spoons

- Do you not want two hours of smooth jazz

- A man just stole my nut

- That’s a really bad name for a gay bar

- Is your tongue comfortable in your mouth

- I’m a penguin enthusiast

- He kept force feeding me marshmallows

- Why would you judge a girl by her neck?

- Are there shampoo bars?

- Why would you want a shampoo bar?

- Don’t burn down the house

- Halloween is my day

- You want to be hydrated?

- Are you kidding me? Right in front of my salad?

- We can still cartwheel into a fiery ball

- It’s your last day of camp, why are you trying to land a plane

- There’s a scale from dude to bro to sir

- Gotta vacuum the bird

- I’m teaching my rabbit spanish

- Ok, who got the cheese on a bun???

- I feel like a wet lasagna

- You can get a star for Jazz???

- I have 3 bottles of hand sanitizer

- A- We make children cry! B- NO WE DON’T

- A- Can I have chicken on a plate? B- Chicken on a plate? A- Chicken on a plate

- I want to go to band to get sweaty

- Proactive, it helps your face

- The cult meeting is next week from 2-7

- This is so vegany

- I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SONG! NOT THE BEATLES!

- I have shrimp for later

- It burns my eyes, I love it

- It’s not that we hate you, it’s just that sometimes we can’t stand you

- Locked and loaded for a photoshoot first period

- This chalk keeps following me

- Kinda like a Starbucks atmosphere

- How dare she learn how to drive

- You have to sing our anthem with us

- It fits right into the squiggle

- I’m immune to hot sauce (Downs little cup of hot sauce)

- How was fake meatloaf?

- Can you train a fish?

- I haven’t worn pants in a year

- It smells like yogurt

- I have ties for every holiday

- There’s no laws on the moon, so like, you could kill someone???

- Optional means I don’t do it

- I’m gonna cook your dog!!!

- Is that where we almost went to park jail?

- We don’t condone sporting

- I want to turn orange

- Let’s make a buzfeed quiz that tells you what bridge you are

- (In Spanish) Where is the milk?

- If silence is gold, duct tape is silver

- A: So, what are you guys doing? B: Drugs.

- Young successful jewish boy

- A: I’m fun size! *Friend laughter* B: I’m just short...

- A: Where’s my medal??? B: Up your ass

- I’m a leech

- If anyone’s getting salmonella, it’s going to be me

- Does it involve backflips?

- I get to see all the little children getting confused as you disappear into a chair

- I think someone stole my balls by now

- A- A plastic knife can cut another plastic knife B- Why did you cut a plastic knife? A- Dedication!

- A- Oh my god! B- What does this have to do with god? C- *Whispering* Everything

- You’re probably going to die of liver

- I’m a five year old! You can’t have that profanity in here!

- Hey kids get in the van, we’ve got free wifi

- That’s worse than 10 babies hanging from a tree

- Are you from the piggers of creation???

- A- You’re like an old married couple B- (From the distance) He started it!

- I am a Jesus Christ in a person!

- YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY CHROMOSOMES THAT COST ME!!!

- I will implant a chip in your ankle! And you won’t know which one!

- I’M AN AVATAR! AIR! (Nothing happens) AIR! (Still nothing)

- When I was on a plane, we started dropping 200 feet at a time, the funny thing was that half of the plane had just gotten their drinks so half the plane was soaked

- Is Christianity a cult?

- A- Do you have experiences with holes B- (Very Unsure) Yes

- I’m her bitch, not your bitch

- He has the IQ of half a ferret

- A- Did you read the game manual? B- The gay manual??

- I want the pleasure of whipping you

- One time I poured a glass of apple cider vinegar and I drank it

- I changed my name to Johnyay West

- Too much damage done to the duner

- On a scale to 1 to Bill Cosby

- Ariana Grande is a criminal

- A- It’s sticky B- Can I take that out of context? A- No

- YOU ZIP TIED HIM TO A CHAIR?!

- It’s half past a freckle

- I need the crotch

- I don’t have imaginary friends. I don’t have friends.

- It’s like a mini fridge for pillows

- You hurt yourself with a stationary elbow

- My parents met at Burger King

- A- What’s the capital of Ohio B- Arkansas...?

- A- What do you do after school? B- Eat C- Sleep D- Cry

- Ask for cocaine, not Coca-Cola

- HOW HAVE YOU NOT TOLD US YOU MAKE STAINED GLASS?!

- You stole my meme bro

- A- Where you the one who drank chocolate sauce? B- (Seemingly proud) Yes.

- OW! MY CALVES!

- The Kardashians are necessary in our society!!!

- I feel like a homeless prostitute

- Ya wanna share a fork

- Now you have a pile of hot cheese

#random #funny conversations #conversation #i just overheard #overheard #haha #funny #long post

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glitterandmoondustofficial · 5 years

Text

Side To Side

Chapter 173 :Back

Characters: Law, Ruby Rating: Teen Warnings: Language, nakedness Notes: None. Full Story

~~~~~

It was the second time in a month that Law had actually slept for more than a couple hours. He tiredly but happily watched Ruby sleep. Warmth filled his chest as she snored. She was sleeping properly, that’s good. He reached over and moved her hair from her face. He was glad things were back to normal. He was glad his memories were back along with all of Ruby and her possessions. And the photos.

Law had given Ruby a new camera as a surprise one day. He still remembered her tears as she thanked him profusely. She had easily resumed taking photos around the sub again. And of course that meant photos of the two of them. Ruby was persistent about taking photos of them. She stated that if either of them died she wanted them to have as many memories as possible available to them so they wouldn’t have trouble remembering. Law told her she was being morbid and to have more confidence in their abilities. However, he allowed her to take as many pictures of them as she desired; it made her happy after all.

Along with the many photos strung around the room, Ruby had decorated his room over the past year; making it less his room, and more their room. Color had been added, along with more plants. There were more of her books; fantasy and romance novels, and art books. Her sketchbooks were always somewhere in their room as well. The bed wasn’t just his grey sheets with a light, grey blanket. She added a fluffy blue blanket along with what seemed like a million pillows in many different colors. Law had forgotten how bare his room was before she became a permanent fixture.

He loved it all.

Law smiled down at her. He loved her. He really did. Everyday he learned more of what it was like to be in a relationship with someone. Sometimes, he still found it hard to believe that he was in a romantic relationship. He had never cared about being in one before her, but now it was hard to see himself without her.

He hoped he never caused her to leave. He’s not sure what he would do if he caused her to leave. He knew he’d never try to love like that again, he was sure there would be no point. Ruby had stolen his heart, and it’d be hers even if she didn’t care for it anymore.

“Law,” Ruby whispered. “Why are you thinking so hard?”

“Because I love you.”

“Gross.” She yawned and sat up. She leaned over and kissed his lips tiredly. Law lifted up his hand and cupped her cheek. He kissed her like he hadn’t in years. It was barely a month but that was far too long for their lips to not have tasted one another’s. She was sweet, she always had been, and Law hated most sweets; but not her. “Well,” Ruby giggled quietly. “Is that all?”

“I did say I love you.”

Ruby smiled and kissed him chastely. “I’m going back to sleep, spoon me.”

“So demanding of your captain.”

She giggled as she laid back in bed. Law smirked and laid next to her, pulling the fuzzy blue blanket over them both. He wrapped his arms around her middle, and she curled up against him. They fit together nicely, he had to admit.

His fingers brushed against her ribs and stomach lightly, giving her that relaxing touch that put her to sleep easily, whispering that he loved her. She sighed and he felt her relax against him.

“I love you, too, mo chuisle.”

Law smiled and kissed the back of her head. He should try to sleep, too. She was back with him, he’s sure he could easily fall back asleep with her in his arms.

~~~~~

Law slammed his alarm clock and proceeded to ignore it. He was too tired. It must be some lasting effects from his memory loss/gain situation. His head was heavy, his eyes weren’t wanting to open, and his body was just done.

Ruby shifted and breathed in. She sat up and stretched with a yawn. Law cracked his eyes open just in time for her to lean down and kiss his forehead.

“Lay back down,” he groaned and Ruby chuckled lightly. “I’m staying in bed today.”

“Alright.” She laid against their pillows. “I suppose I can hold you.”

“Good.”

He curled up to her and laid his head on her chest. He could hear her steady heartbeat. He was glad they switched hearts before he went off to fight. That would’ve been an awkward situation, finding out her heart was in his chest. He already missed the feeling, however. He almost preferred it.

Law closed his eyes as Ruby wrapped her arms around him. He dozed off to the sound of her heartbeat, no dream or nightmare causing him to wake up. When he finally awoke, three hours later, Ruby was gone. He sat up and scratched his head. He yawned and swung his legs off the bed.

“Ah, you’re awake already.” Law looked over to Ruby. She had a plate of food in her hand and a small smile on her face. “Came to wake you up to eat. How’re you feeling?”

“Fine.” He rolled his neck with a groan.

“Well, I brought you some food. Make sure to eat, I’m sure you’re tired and sore. How’s your head?”

“Better, no need for painkillers at least.”

“Good.” She walked over to the table and placed the plate down. “You don’t gotta work but you do have to eat.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He stood up and stretched.

“You should also put on pants.”

“Suddenly not wanting to see me naked? I’m insulted.”

“Oh shut up.” She walked over to kiss him. She tried to pull away but he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again. Ruby giggled, wrapped her arms around his neck. It felt good to kiss her like this...actually knowing how to kiss her. He was only mildly embarrassed that he didn’t kiss her the way she liked during his memory loss.

“Mmm, wait.” Ruby pulled away with a laugh. “I gotta work, you gotta eat. We can’t be kissing like this every moment of the day.”

Law sighed dramatically. “Fine, ruin my fun.” He kissed her forehead. “Get back to work. I can take it from here.”

She grinned and turned to walk out the door.

~~~~~

“It’s good that you’re feeling better,” Penguin said and he ate. “You were pretty pathetic yesterday.”

“Whatever.” Law rolled his eyes.

“He’s right, you know.” Shachi agreed. “You were pathetic for the last month.”

“I was not,” Law argued. “Once I accepted I wasn’t going to get my memories back it was just another day. I was able to go out with you and able to enjoy being around everyone.”

“You’re right,” Penguin said. “The pathetic part was you pining over Ruby.”

“I didn’t pine.”

“Yes you did,” they both said.

Law rolled his eyes and looked over when he heard Ruby snorting. She seemed to be happy again. Happier. She was undoubtedly less stressed than before. He didn’t want to know how broken her heart was during the past month. He turned back to Shachi and Penguin, laughing about some memory of them as kids and smiled contently. Things were back to normal.

#one piece #one piece fanfiction #lawxoc #law x oc #trafalgar law #side to side #sela ruby #ruby sela

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lululawlawlu-writes · 5 years

Text

Softly Stained with Spring

Part 4: Rivals

note: This fic was written for @lawlu-week!! But I couldn’t keep up so I’m planning for updates to happen weekly instead~

rating: T

tags: canon universe, fluff and angst, hanahaki

____________________

Chattering voices pull Luffy from his dreams. He doesn’t want to wake up, not yet. It feels like he’d fallen asleep stargazing with Law just seconds ago.

Even though sleeping outside on the ground has never been uncomfortable for him and his body does feel like it’s not ready to get up, he mostly wants to savor a few more minutes of being cuddled up with Law. Law’s body is warm, the sound of his breath soothing. He even smells nice with the smoke from last night’s grilled meat still clinging to his clothes.

“Aww, aren’t they the cutest?” someone coos, almost mocking in tone. Sounds like one of Law’s crew although he can’t place exactly whose voice it is.

“I never thought I’d ever hear anyone call Captain ‘cute’,” someone else remarks.

Luffy would agree, but come to think of it Law could be cute at times. The way he tugged the brim of his hat down to try hiding his face—that was cute. And the tiny smile Law sometimes wore when it was just the two of them—the kind of smile that was there and gone in an instant like Law was trying to hide it—that was cute too. As much as Luffy wanted to know Law’s feelings, it was pretty cute when he tried to hide hem.

“You think they meant to sleep out here?” came a voice a little too close.

“Shut the hell up, Penguin. You’re gonna wake them!” another scolds.

Luffy’s already awake. He just doesn’t want to be yet, and it’s seeming like he won’t get to drift back to sleep again.

“At least wait until Nami takes a picture.”

“Huh? What’s Nami taking a picture of?” Luffy yawns, blinking his eyes to adjust to the morning sun. It’s no use fighting to sleep. He really can’t ignore all their voices. Besides, he’s awake enough now to feel his stomach starting to grumble.

“Never mind it,” Nami tells him.

Stretching, Luffy sits up just in time to see her palming something suspiciously snail-like and tucking it away in a woven basket. But the snail isn’t really what concerns him so much as his curiosity about what else is in that basket. His meat-detecting instincts are cuing him into something salty, fried over flame and dripping with juicy, cured flavour.

“Did you bring breakfast?” Luffy asks, and the answer better be ‘yes’ because he’s had more than his fill of deceptive flowers.

“We came up here ‘cause we thought it would be a nice day to have a brunch picnic in the wildflower field,” Ikkaku discloses, pulling out a large plaid picnic blanket. It’s not really an answer to his question but close enough.

“Imagine our surprise when we found you two.” Robin smiles at him discreetly, knowingly as though she’s keeping a secret of his. She sprouts a half-dozen hands to help Ikkaku set out the blanket on the lush grass.

“Our lovely high-class ladies-only brunch picnic has already been infiltrated by uncouth men,” Sanji grumbles, pulling dishes from a large covered basket, “so you may as well wake up Torao and get your asses over here too.”

“Oh, Sanji, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Ikkaku quips, “you’re not that uncouth.”

“And if you were talking about Shachi and Penguin, judging by how they act, I’d say they’re just kids,” Nami adds. She and Ikkaku give each other appreciative glances, giggle at each other’s wittiness.

Shachi just looks to Penguin who stops helping Sanji long enough to give a quick shrug. He doesn’t deny they act like they’re half their ages half the time.

“Hey, Torao, wake up,” Luffy says, shaking his shoulder with one hand, body already up and closing the distance to the food.

“That’s not gonna work,” Penguin notes, handing a cup to Shachi who shouts “Wake up Captain, we’ve got coffee!” as he pours the dark, steaming liquid into the cup.

Law does this weird little sit-up, folding in half with his body stiff like he’s being sat up in a hospital bed. His hat tumbles from his head, but he doesn’t pay it any mind. Groaning out like a zombie, he pulls himself off the ground to stumble the few steps to the picnic and throw himself back down next to his crew mates.

Luffy grabs a fistful of bacon and scoots closer to him.

“There, there, drink your coffee,” Penguin tells Law, almost patronizing, putting the cup in his captain’s hands.

Law mumbles something, head lolling forward to sip from the cup in his hands.

“That’s a good boy,” Shachi encourages mockingly, going so far as to ruffle his hair.

Law just grumbles incoherent, lazily smacking his hand away.

He really is funny when he’s just woken up Luffy decides, adds one more thing to his mental list of things that’s cute about Law.

“So what were you two lovers doing sleeping out here?” Ikkaku asks, passing Luffy a plate of sandwiches and a hearty helping of sausages.

He’s almost persuaded to start a list of reasons why she’s his next favourite of the Heart Pirates.

“Rivals,” Law interjects with half-asleep muttering. “We’re rivals.”

“You and me?” Luffy asks. He’s never thought of them as rivals and he’s sure he never will. They’re allies technically, friends definitely, and maybe they could be lovers. The word does have a nice sound. Come to think of it, it would be pretty nice if Law loved him enough for that. Something stirs in his heart at the thought—that light, happy fluttering.

“We may have an alliance now,” Law states from behind his steaming cup “but we’re both after the one piece.” He gives Luffy a little less than a glance, goes back to his coffee, staring at it like it’ll telling him the secrets of existence.

“That doesn’t mean you guys can’t be more than one thing,” Penguin notes.

“Yeah, don’t you want to be lovers too, Torao?” Luffy asks, leaning close, stretching a little to wrap an arm around Law in a sort of hug. He does wish Law would love him, but the thought that he might not does stick Luffy with a slight twinge of pain. Still, he wants to know if it’s possible.

“They do say that rivals make the most passionate lovers,” Robin concurs calmly.

Their crew members, especially Law’s have a laugh at his expense.

Law’s efforts to retort while mid-sip send him choking on his coffee, sputtering, coughing which only has them laughing harder.

Luffy can’t help but join in with them as he takes his arm from around Law. He smacks him on the back just like Law had done for him before.

“Yeah, laugh it up. I should cut your hearts out,” Law mumbles his threat which doesn’t seem to carry any weight, downs the rest of his coffee.

Luffy’s about to offer a ‘sorry’ once he can manage to stop laughing but a sharp pain in his ribs cuts off his breath. A tickle rises to his throat, only allows him a few short coughs before flower petals, the same as before, start to spill from his mouth.

This shouldn’t be happening. He thought he’d gotten them all out last night when he spewed the flowers onto the floor of the meat restaurant.

“What the hell?” Sanji mutters under his breath.

“Mugiwara, are you ok?” Ikkaku gasps, passing him a cup of tea Shachi’s poured out.

“Luffy, what did you do now?” There’s worry in Nani’s voice.

“I only-“ Luffy’s cut off by a stab through the chest again. He doubles over, leaning in to Law as the pants in shallow breaths, eyes squeezed shut trying to concentrate on making the pain go away.

“He ate poisonous flowers that happen to smell like meat. He’s been coughing them up ever since,” Law supplies. “I didn’t think he ate that many.”

“I didn’t,” Luffy confesses, “only a few.” That’s not his biggest problem right now. He’s more inconvenienced by whatever it is he feels attacking him from the inside.

“On the way to this island I was looking up information. I recall coming across a tale about a curse carried by such flowers,” Robin discloses. “I’ll try to find the book again.”

“But my heart hurts now,” Luffy tells them. That’s what he wants to fix most of all.

“It’s going to be alright,” Law tells him, stoking Luffy’s back soothingly. “For now just concentrate on my voice.”

“Tell me what things we are,” Luffy demands weakly.

Law just looks down at him, hums.

“More than rivals,” Luffy asserts. He wants to know what Law defines them as.

“Ok,” Law consents, “We are rivals to an extent still, confirmed allies, and I suppose we might have established a fairly friendly rapport-“

“Just say ‘friends’, Captain,” Shachi urges.

“And then say ask him to be your boyfriend,” Ikkaku suggests, “We see the way you look at him.”

“Like the way you look at her?” Law asks, gesturing to Nami.

Ikkaku blushes a deep shade of red. The rest laugh.

“You should have seen her buying her drinks all night last night,” Penguin chimes in.

“It was sweet,” Nami says, patting Ikkaku’s hand.

Thinking about other things, like what Law thinks, being able to laugh with everyone, the comfort of having Law’s hand on his back, it’s helping. Luffy’s pain is fading into just a little tightness in his chest now. Even so, he doesn’t want it to come back.

“Torao,” Luffy nudges Law, “What about my heart hurting. Relaxing isn’t fixing it for good.”

“I’ve got another suggestion for how to help you then,” Law says, “but it’ll make us rivals only.”

“Not funny,” Sanji snorts. “Luffy is gonna take you seriously.”

“I’m not joking,” Law says plainly. “It’s only temporary. He’ll see what I mean.”

“But-“ Luffy tries to protest.

“Yes we can still be more than one thing afterward,” Law answers, looks away from him.

Luffy thinks he catches a faint smile on Law’s lips before his hand moves to mask it, chin propped on this palm, fingers covering his mouth in a mock display of contemplation. He really is kind of cute when he tries to hide his feelings.

#10 Days of LawLu #10 days of lawlu 2019 #LawLu #softly stained with spring

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skizmin · 6 years

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the lantern room | l. minho ☼

⇝ Australia!Au: jeongin, seungmin, felix, jisung, hyunjin, changbin, minho, chan, woojin ⇝ Pairing: Lee Minho / Gender neutral reader

⇝ Genre: fluff, a little angsty tbh but its not bad at all. strangers to friends to lovers, lighthouse keeper and local penguin enthusiast minho!!

⇝ Words: 15, 416 (i know its adschjk)

⇝ Summary: Minho Lee was the local mystery boy. You didn’t know him, but you knew he looked after the lighthouse and fed the local penguins. That was until the storm.

⇝ A/N: vanta the cat based off of nathan the cat!! is my bias showing??? this is so much longer than my other ones im so sorry it’s just minhos so easy to write for n this idea i just kept unknowingly building on meaning it all takes ages to resolve ahbdbsjhgfd. very very special thanks to @briee-elle who beta read it for me and edited it and just saved my life basically!! ily bub

⇝ Music: here is the playlist i listened to whilst writing!!

No one really knows the boy that mans the lighthouse on your bay. They say his mother is sick, his father is someone out of the picture, they say he’s an only child with only an odd cat for company.

You went to school with him, he wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. He was nice, relatively smart and good at swimming from what others told you. What people found strange was the way he’d disappear at break times, and the way he’d reject any invitations to parties or simple hang-outs, also how he never seemed to attend any school excursions or camps. You hadn’t really spoken to him, Minho Lee that is. The opportunity simply never came up. But that didn’t mean you weren’t completely obsessed with him and his mysterious aura.

You felt immature, if you were being honest, at how enamoured you were with this boy who had never even glanced in your direction. No one knew, of course, how you would think of him often and wonder what he was up to, you were too embarrassed to confess to your friends about how the dark haired boy had swallowed your mind. Maybe you had been reading too many cheesy romance novels? You were always the one to reject any romantic aspect of the stereotypical mystery boy in the books, but it seemed different with Minho Lee.

You wondered where he went every lunch time, what he did when he was alone on those Friday nights you were attending a party, what he did on the nights where the ocean’s harsh wind thrashed against the windows of every house in the town, lulling you to sleep. Minho’s home was right next to the lighthouse (and, technically, neighbouring yours), probably getting hit with the relentless wind and sea sprays the hardest. As a child you used to think Minho lived in the lighthouse due to watching constant replays of Round The Twist on your Saturday mornings, and you wondered if he would be amused by that.

People rarely saw him outside of school. Sometimes people gossiping about the odd amounts of frozen squid he bought at the convenience store on a Sunday afternoon. You saw him quite frequently though, not that he knew, of course.

Your and Minho’s houses shared the same tiny cove on the cliff line your town edged on, alongside a few elderly couples that were enjoying their retirement. Often as the sun set you’d find yourself wandering down the poorly built stairs to the small beach past the steep cliff your house stood near. On these days where you watched the oranges and deep pinks roll over the horizon, you’d also watch Minho on the beach with copious amounts of squid in a large tin bucket, chucking them to the penguins that made their way from the ocean to their burrows hidden by the sand mountains that rose higher the closer you got to the cliff.

You thought it was ludicrous. Minho, the boy who no one knew barely anything about, spent his evenings building unlikely relationships with the penguins of your town by feeding them squid. What was more confusing was his black cat who followed him all along the beach, even wandering off to play in the water. A cat playing in the ocean? Minho had a more interesting life than you ever would.

Sometimes in the summer when the sun would set quicker than normal, you watched from your hiding place behind some sandbanks above sea level (acquirable by jumping over the railing of the wooden stairs down to the beach) as Minho darted up the stairs, leaving his cat and the penguins on the beach with the squid dumped out into a massive pile. He always returned within ten minutes, panting lightly as he jogged down the stairs, you smiled at these times, realising he’d forgotten to turn the lighthouse light on before he’d ventured down to the picturesque beach. You could hear, when he returned, his scowling reprimands to his cat who had gluttonously eaten most of the squid instead of leaving it to the small penguins that waddled further up the beach after realising there was no extra food left.

You thought, if anyone ever asked you why you liked Minho (not that they’d know enough to ask), you’d simply say you loved the way his accomplished smile would lazily spread its way over his face once he returned up the stairs a final time to head home, a hand grasping the handle of his tin bucket tightly and oddly thalassic cat leaping up two stairs at a time alongside him. You thanked whatever lords you could that he never saw you, you’d rather dive into a pool of slimy seaweed and swim in it for 4 hours than have Minho Lee think you were some kind of creep (even if you most definitely were one).

☇

It was a Wednesday night, a storm had hit and the rain pelted against the tin of your roof. You listened in a state of equanimity, shutting your eyes that were watching in a trance as the light beamed from the lighthouse every 7 seconds.

You heard the low hum of light thunder off in the distance of the ocean, smiling lightly. You’d always loved listening to storms, finding it fascinating that something so frantic and chaotic could be so calming to your senses. You very nearly fell asleep, leaning on the windowsill of your living room which was lit only by a warm lamp in the far corner, your parents on the couch reading their own novels due to the TV reception cutting off during the harshness of the storm. You would’ve fallen asleep, in fact, if a sudden banging hadn’t sounded from your front door.

At first, you and your parents thought it to be the storm, maybe a tree banging against one of your walls, that was until you heard the faint yelling that was very almost washed away by the howls of the wind. Your mother instantly sprung to her feet, padding her way quickly to the door. You and your father followed with haste, wondering what could be going on, scared of the things that could happen on this horrid night.

There were definitely calls for help as you reached your front door, the banging persistent. Your mother unlocked the door and tugged it open, your breath caught in your throat as you saw what was there.

Minho Lee stood in your doorway, one arm holding his panic-stricken cat and the other moving from its poise it held from banging on the door to wrap around the arm of a woman who stared vacantly through the house despite her furrowed brows. Minho’s hair was drenched, worry tracing all over his features as he stuttered to explain himself.

“Oh my god!” Your mother stated, immediately reaching out to the woman on Minho’s side to lead them into the house. Minho’s cat broke free of the boy’s hold, scampering into the living room towards the heater that was in there. “What happened?”

“I’m terribly sorry Y/M/N, we really don’t mean to intrude!” Your brows furrowed at the way Minho’s supposedly mother wasn’t looking towards your mum as she spoke to her. “The roof in our living room collapsed, Minho insisted on getting out. He’s worried sick about the roof in other rooms collapsing and—”

“Oh Mrs Lee! That’s awfully unsafe, of course you can’t stay there!” Your mother exclaimed, placing a comforting hand on the woman’s shoulder. “Honey, would you go get some towels? And some of Markus’ old clothes?”

Markus was your cousin, his family lived in the Netherlands although he lived with you for two years whilst studying a marine biology course at small university nearby. His room was still set up the way he’d left it, aside from a few valued possessions he took back home with him once his course had finished.

Your father set off through the house, not saying a word as he was too shocked by the sudden situation.

“Y/N, sweetie, boil the kettle would you please?” Your mother asked you, turning to smile at you reassuringly.

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. Tea or coffee, Mrs Lee?” You asked the woman, who smiled, still not looking towards you.

“Coffee with milk would be perfect, Y/N.” You nodded and your eyes subconsciously flitted to Minho.

You were taken aback once you realised he was staring at you, wet hair dripping onto the floor and nose red from the cold. His eyes looked curious, confused, maybe even skeptical, you weren’t sure. Intimidated by his gaze, you quickly turned on your heel and made a beeline into the kitchen.

Filling the kettle, then flicking it on, you processed the situation as you waited. Minho Lee and his mother were in your house, it was currently 11:14 PM and his cat was wandering around your living room. A storm had somehow damaged their home and Minho was too worried to stay there for the night. Okay, you thought, this was only slightly weird.

“I uh—,” a voice sounded it’s way from the entrance to the kitchen, you whipped your head around to see a sheepish looking Minho, towel laid over his shoulders. “I didn’t know you lived here.”

What was this? Minho in your home, muddy shoes dirtying your kitchen tiles, Minho talking to you like he’d known you forever. Your eyes went a little wide and your ears pricked as the kettle flicked off, sounds of bubbling coming from it and steam filling the air. You whipped your head back around, fingers curling into fists as you tried to figure out what to say.

“Uh. Yeah, I don’t know why you would.” You replied, occupying your hands by pulling cups from the cupboard above your head.

“I’ve been at school with you for as long as I can remember, I think I should at least notice if you’re my neighbour.” His voice sounded closer, you didn’t dare turn around. Your cheeks felt redder at the thought of Minho actually knowing who you are, it somehow made your slight obsession with him way more embarrassing.

“Here, let me make my mum’s one. She’s a picky woman.” Minho mused, speaking through your silence that you didn’t know you’d allowed.

He was next to you already, grabbing one of the mugs from the bench and brewing a coffee with odd steps. He poured the milk first, before the water, and when you nervously trailed your eyes up to his face, you noticed his lips mouthing numbers as he counted how many times he stirred the coffee. His eyes flitted to you and you looked away, continuing to make your dad’s usual order of black tea.

“My name’s Minho, by the way.” He murmured, seemingly growing less and less confident as you didn’t reply.

“I know.” It tumbled from your lips before you could stop it, and your back straightened in fear. Fear of what? You weren’t too sure, maybe of Minho discovering how often he plagued your thoughts even when you weren’t at school with him.

“Really? I don’t think I’ve properly met you though.” He said back, and although you couldn’t see, you felt him turn to face you just the slightest bit more.

“I’ve been at school with you for as long as I can remember, I think I should at least know your name.” You replied, reiterating his words from earlier before picking up both mugs and turning to the boy. “Shall we?”

He simply smiled and followed you out of the kitchen into the lounge room where your parents and Minho’s mother sat. You noticed Minho’s cat had curled up on the windowsill that you had occupied before Minho arrived, you smiled, making a mental note to pet the cat later on.

“Y/N! Minho and his mum will be staying with us for a little while, just until they can figure everything out.” Your father said from his place closest to the heater, smiling graciously as he took his mug from your hand.

“Sounds good!” You said, politely smiling at Minho’s mother who didn’t return it to you. You watched as Minho gripped his mother’s hand and dragged it towards the coffee he made for her, only letting go of the mug once he was sure her hand was wrapped around it tightly.

“Perfect. Y/N, could you take Minho to Markus’ old room? There’s some clothes on the armchair. And Minho, feel free to shower before you go to sleep if need be.” You mum said, smiling warmly at you as you nodded, awkwardly grabbing the clothes from the chair and passing them to the boy.

You lead Minho once more, out of the room and down the hall. Markus’ room was next to yours, the wood of his door frame still littered with pencil and texta drawn lines of your growing height since you were small.

“Uh, here you go. The bathroom’s right there too if you uh, need it.” You said, leaning into the empty bedroom to flick on the light switch.

“She’s blind, by the way.” Minho said, looking at you unsurely. “My mum. You uh-, you looked a little confused back there.”

“Oh.” You replied, letting the statement sink in. “Sorry, I didn’t know.”

Minho just smiled softly and shook his head, “That’s alright. I’ll see you in the morning?”

You nodded dumbly and stepped back as he made his way into his room, you opting to quickly brush your teeth before going to bed.

It was strange, talking to Minho Lee was strange. His voice sounded nice when he was tired, quieter than what you heard at school and just the slightest bit lower. You wondered what would happen tomorrow, if maybe you’d walk to school together or maybe you’d walk home together, too.

Maybe Minho Lee wouldn’t be the one you admired from afar anymore, maybe the thumping in your heart would remain constant as he would stick around, talking with you more often than you’d had thought possible.

☇

That morning, your family walked Minho and his mother to their home, checking the ruin from the storm and allowing Minho to collect his uniform and things for school providing nothing had happened to his room. The cat, Vanta as you had learnt his name to be, followed along behind you, ignoring the hole in the roof and travelling straight to the metal bowl near the laundry and meowing loudly. Minho sighed and fed the obnoxious cat before he got a headache from its ear piercing screeches.

You smiled at the cat, standing awkwardly in the living room as your parents assessed the damage.

“Can you see any photo albums anywhere? I think they were on the bookshelf.” Minho’s mother said, standing approximately five metres from where you were, nibbling on her bottom lip as your mother recited what was damaged.

Your dad instantly took towards the bookshelf that at fallen over once the weight of the collapsed roof hit it (“A tree feel on it,” your dad said after wandering outside for a couple of minutes. “It was completely uprooted during the storm. The baby red gum.”).

“We don’t need the photo albums mum,” you turned your head to see Minho walking down the stairs, school bag tossed over his shoulder and uniform thrown on messily. “It’s not like they’re important.”

“They’re beyond important Minho!” His mother insisted, emphasising her point with pointed movements of her hands. “Just because I can’t see them doesn’t mean I don’t know they’re embarrassing, you can’t escape them even if you tried.”

“Found them!” Your father called over Minho’s groan. You immediately rushed to your father’s side, gathering an odd five books in your arms and moving to place them into a box that centred the room.

“I’ll get my stuff after school.” The boy that clouded your thoughts was beside you, you found it annoying how suddenly he always appeared next to you. “Wanna go?”

You nodded, red crawling up your cheeks as you weren’t prepared to have him speaking to you so openly. You hugged your parents, telling them you’d come straight home after school, before taking off to follow Minho out of his dishevelled home.

“I just need to—, uh, you know?” He gestured vaguely to the lighthouse that towered over his home, and you smiled brightly.

“Can I come?” You questioned, wanting to see what it was like to scale the stairs of the lighthouse, to see what happened when Minho turned the beam of it off.

Minho tilted his head lightly, “You want to come?”

“Of course! I used to always wonder what it looked like inside.” You felt your nerves subside around the boy slightly, senses overwhelmed at the pure want to venture into the tall tower of white, to see what exactly went on inside.

Minho smiled at you, slightly lopsided and told you to take off your bag at the entrance, leading you towards the small, hut like entrance of the lighthouse. You did as you were told once you reached the destination, listening as he fumbled with the key in the lock and feeling the soft spray of just barely rain on your face, wind blowing hair into your face making you sigh and run your fingers through it.

A loud creak sounded from where Minho stood and you looked in slight awe as he pushed the large metal door open to reveal nothing but a minuscule hallway leading to the beginnings of a staircase.

“Whoa.” Is all you could say, following Minho inside as he reflexively began to scale the stairs.

Half way up you realised Minho must be magnificently fit to do this twice everyday without a break. Despite the fact you made your way up and down the stairs to the beach almost everyday, and walked to and from school everyday, your thighs were burning. What kind of muscle did Minho possess in his thighs to be able to do this so effortlessly all the time?

The stairs where flooding with light, provided by the occasional window that followed the spiralling steps. Scaffolding littered around the bends which you easily ducked underneath if it came to it, the metal stairs creaking quietly at random times during the climb. The gaps between each step showed just how high you were climbing, something that you could also notice as you saw a wider and clearer view of the ocean outside the windows than you’d ever had, the dark grey of the water crashing onto limestone cliffs into the distance with a spray of white, image slightly distorted through the specks of rain that covered the glass.

“You tired already?” Minho glanced over his shoulder to you, whose footsteps had become heavier and louder though you were only halfway up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you huffed a riposte, embarrassed at the way he was seemingly unbothered but also knowing how to take a joke when it was made.

“Sure you don’t,” Minho slowed down on the stairs as they reached an end. “It doesn’t matter anyway, we’re almost there.” You sighed out of happiness as you hit the end of the climb, your feet subconsciously moving to take another step up causing you to stumble a bit.

Eyes searching around the landing, you didn’t see what you had initially expected from imagining the insides of a lighthouse. You were gazing out the larger window of the landing when your eyes flitted to Minho, who was pressing against a ladder to check it’s stability. Gaze wandering up, you saw light flooding in from the opening in the roof the wide-runged ladder was heading up into.

“You go first, that way if you fall it won’t be too catastrophic.” Minho turned to you, eyes meeting your wondrous ones. You couldn’t feel it but Minho’s heart skipped a beat at your awestruck glare. He’d never brought someone up into the lantern room before, no one except his mother on rare occasions.

“Luckily for you, Minho Lee, I know how to climb a ladder.” You retorted, feet already moving forward until you could reach out and grip the ladder with your hands.

“All good, then.”

Minho’s tone surprised you. His volume was low, sentence coming out in something that could only be described as a breathy whisper. He sounded roughly unfocused. You couldn’t bring yourself to turn and look at him, instead choosing to step up rung by rung into the light spilling from above.

Minho’s arms moved to hold the ladder in support once your body was far enough up, not wanting to make you uncomfortable with any unneeded close proximity. Once you crawled over the top of the opening and disappeared, Minho began climbing (taking a relatively shorter amount of time than it had taken you).

His head popped through the hole and his dark eyes immediately searched for your figure around the brightness of the room. Once he found you, his body still rising through the hatch, he smiled.

Normally, he would move straight to gaze out into the ocean, watching the waves crash against the cliffside and feeling it steady his heart beat.

You, however, had immediately gravitated towards the contraption in the centre that held the small bulb for the beaming light. Your eyes searching for an explanation as to how exactly it worked, how the light became so bright for the boats and ship-men to see.

“What d’ya think?” Minho said once he was on his feet, moving towards the contraption as well, though standing a safe distance behind you.

“It’s…” You paused, not really knowing how to describe it. You tilted your head and brought your fingers to brush the rust of the metal bars encasing the millions of layers of lenses that surrounded the tiny bulb. “It’s different. Different from what I thought it would be, at least.”

Minho laughed lightly, passing to the other side of the circular room to flick off the switch to the light.

“And what exactly did you think it would be?” He asked, moving to stand beside you as your eyes remained fixated on the light bulb.

“Oh, the usual. Haunted and full of curses like in ‘Round the Twist’.” You stepped back, turning to face Minho once you deemed there to be enough space between the two of you.

Minho laughed at this, eyes almost closing as his cheeks rose with his smile. “Of course! Bronson is my cousin, I’ll have you know.”

You laughed too. Somewhere in your heart, you felt at ease, knowing an internal question was answered and that Minho was amused by that, amused by you.

☇

“We’re doing a Maccas run if you wanna come along,” your friend beside you finally picked up their duffel bag which they brought today to prepare for a soccer game. “I’m hungry as fuck.”

“Nah man, I gotta get home.” You grumbled, kicking a stone along the gravel of your schoolyard once you started walking.

“Shit, sorry!” Your friend whipped their head towards you. “Did I keep you? I shouldn’t have asked you to stay!”

You shook your head and smiled. “Nah, it’s all good. It wasn’t that long.”

“Yeah, but still. I could’ve seen Miss García on my own.” The grumbles beside you made you smile before you playfully bumped your hips into theirs.

“I said it’s all good man,” your friend laughed, happily reciprocating the action. “Now get a fucking move on! Jamie is probably waiting at your car already.”

“Okie dokie. See ya tomorrow, yeah?” They called out, stepping backwards towards the student car park. You just nodded at them and waved as you turned off your heel and walked in the opposite direction towards the front gates of the school.

The day was still gloomy, a pale overcast with occasional bouts of spitting, nothing too extreme though unlike the previous night. When you arrived, a few head teachers were forcing some poor year sevens to clean up the mess of sticks and branches that had strewn their way across the school yard, moving inches at a time when a harsh wind broke through. You’d almost forgotten about Minho once you agreed to walk your friend to the science staff-room to confront their teacher about an extension on their most recent assignment (“She’s being a twat about it.” They’d told you, “It’s like she’s never fucking heard of a sporting life! Like, hello? I’m kinda representing the school here!”)

That’s why you were washed with a sense of overwhelming guilt when you turned a corner only to see Minho Lee leaning on one of the brick pillars that made up the entrance.

“Minho?” You called out, watching as his head snapped up from his phone, hair falling perfectly over his forehead.

“Oh! Y/N!” He smiled lazily, it was like an infectious disease and you couldn’t help but smile back. “I was beginning to think you’d left without me.”

“I uh—,” you stopped in front of him, waiting for him to lean off of the wall and start walking with you. “I didn’t realise we were walking back together.”

Minho subconsciously tried to match his steps with yours; left, right. Left, right.

“Oh, yeah, I uh— We should’ve clarified that, huh?” If you’d looked up from the pavement, you might’ve seen the hint of red splaying it’s way across his cheeks.

You hummed, and he supplied words for the nearly uncomfortable silence. “I would’ve texted you, but I don’t have your number. So, yeah.”

You felt it coming, the smile that spread itself wide across your face, not even slowing at your attempts to stop it. “Is this your weird way of asking for my number?”

“Don’t you think I should have it?” Out of the corner of your eye you saw the dark haired boy’s hands shoving themselves into the pockets of his pants. “I mean, I’m walking you home after all.”

Spluttering and with red crawling up your neck, you retorted with a bite. “You mean; we’re walking back to my home, which is also now your temporary home.”

“Ah, you got the message too?” He questioned, feet now avoiding stepping on any cracks that could be found on the pathway.

The message he was referring too, which you did receive, was regarding the damage to Minho’s house.

The roofing for the half of the first level not covered by the second floor would need to be completely replaced, as well as the common roof/floor of the first and second level would need to have some checks done and possibly some reinforcements placed in it.

Your parents, being the overly kind people they were, had immediately offered Minho and Mrs. Lee a place to stay, simply not allowing the small family to spend the high expense of the only hotel in town and stating that renting was too much effort for only 3 months. Your palms had sweated once you received the news, thoughts of Minho living in the same house as you were just terrifying. He’d see you every morning you woke up, he’d see the times you ate your food like an absolute pig, he’d even see your odd Milo habits (which included not mixing in the Milo at all, something that was extremely absurd to your friends).

“Yeah.” You breathed out. “I did.”

Minho hummed this time, not really knowing how to respond. You noticed his awkward aura and elbowed him lightly in the side, why did I do that?

“Welcome, officially, to the Y/L/N household, buddy.” Minho smiled at you after you said this, and just for a moment you believed this situation was normal. You believed this situation was okay.

☇

“Mum, you’ve got to be kidding me.” You heard Minho hiss (a poor attempt in being quiet, you thought) from the living room as you tiptoed down the hall on a Saturday afternoon. “You can’t just start talking to her again like that!”

You paused, almost backtracking in your subconscious need to not interrupt the tension happening in the room down the hall.

“It’s one phone call, darling. It’s not like I’m forgiving her or anything,” you heard his mum say back, voice calm and with significantly less venom than the tone Minho held. “I think this is quite the opposite actually, she won’t be exactly happy to hear the news.”

“She’s going to think we’re relying on her—”

“Which we are—!”

“That’s not the point I’m trying to make!” Minho exclaimed, voice rising before he immediately dropped his volume. “I don’t want to make her feel important, like we still need her.”

“We do need her, Minho.” His mother sighed. “We need her to live comfortably, and you should be grateful that she’s giving you a life I couldn’t.”

“Mum–” Minho winced, you could practically feel the tears welling up in his eyes from the hallway. “Mum, I’d rather be living on the streets with you than be living in a mansion paid by her.”

You heard the footsteps padding quickly from the loungeroom, you barely had any time to react before Minho was striding out into the narrow hallway of your single storey house. His body somewhat startled when it noticed your presence, not 6 feet down the way, and his eyes snapped to yours.

Your prediction was right, his eyes were glassy, he looked like he was about to burst out into tears. Why couldn’t it be one of your parents in the situation? Getting caught listening in on an obviously private conversation. Of course they had both been busy at work or running errands. He immediately stepped backwards in the opposite direction down the hallway than you, eyes widening before his body turned and sped it’s way down the hall and out of the house into the weather of yet another windy afternoon. Your feet instinctively moved to follow him, the exigency to apologise taking over your body.

“Y/N?” Your legs halted just as you passed the open doorway into the loungeroom. “Leave him, he doesn’t like people seeing him upset.”

You immediately backtracked, turning your head into heat pouring out of the loungeroom. “Mrs Lee, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” they lady said, smiling in your general direction after hearing your voice. “You did nothing, I’m sorry you had to see him act out like that.”

Your heart stilted lowly, you ached to go and find him and tell him you were sorry, that you were simply curious. You breathed in, stuttered, and smiled. Mrs Lee couldn’t see your smile, no, but she could hear it in your voice and feel it change the mood of the room.

“It’s all good, Mrs Lee. Should I make you a cuppa? We bought shortbreads yesterday, too.”

“Same as usual if you could, Y/N” She answered, before smiling brightly from her place on the couch. “And please, call me Minseo.”

☇

You had just finished setting the table, now leading a disoriented Mrs Lee—, or Minseo as she preferred you to call her by, to her seat as she was still quite unfamiliar with the layout of your home. Your mum chose to make a simple Tuscan dish, calling out to you from the kitchen.

“Do you mind going and finding Minho for dinner?” Your fingers clenched unknowingly around Minho’s mum’s arm, senses of doubt flooding your mind.

The lady you were leading must have noticed, because she leant closer to you to whisper by the side of your face. “Don’t worry love, he’ll have calmed down by now.”

“Where can I find him?” You asked, heartbeat steadying as you pulled out a chair and led Minseo’s hands to it so she could find her own way into the seat (as per her request, “I want to do everything I can do.”)

“He’s only ever in two places aside from home, the beach or the lighthouse. Hope you’re ready for a work out.” Minho’s mum cheekily joked, quickly placing a hand over yours in comfort.

“Thank you,” You murmured before turning your head and calling out into the general vicinity of the kitchen. “I’ll be back soon! Don’t wait up for us!”

You walked out of your front door shortly after that, only stopping to grab a coat, and you were greeted with the fresh smell of saltwater that floated along the chilly air. You decided not to go down to the beach first, figuring if it was this late (not late, 8:26PM actually) he’d be done with the penguins and the tide would scale too high for any lengthy walks along the sand. Your feet carried you towards the lighthouse, puffing in relief when you noticed the large metal door, that was painted in a peeling white, was left slightly ajar.

Hurriedly, you stepped inside, desperate to escape the harsh wind that broke through the fabric of your thick jacket. Peering through the hallway, fear struck inside your mind. It was dark, almost dungeon like even though the stairs definitely weren’t, and definitely didn’t, lead into any depths of the earth. You turned on your torch from your phone and began your climb, ignoring the chills that crawled down your spine at every light creak or howl of the wind outside. Your thighs began to ache, still slightly sore from the first time you’d climbed these stairs only mere days ago.

“Minho?” You called up the spiral case, hoping he’d hear and reassure you he was there. Alas, there was no response, so you kept scaling up.

Despite your best efforts with your torch, you stumbled nearing the solid landing of the tower after tripping on some scaffolding that lay there. You swore softly, regaining your balance and stepping out into the landing.

The ocean looked terrifying from this window, dark navy blue sky with only the moon to illuminate the way the waves violently crashed into the limestone of the cliffs. You turned your head away from the sight, suddenly only imagining how the tower might simply tilt and fall over into the unforgiving sea. The thought of being swallowed by the darkness of the water made your heart pound, but you were at least comforted by the way the light from the hatch up into the lantern room shone down onto the landing, lighting it significantly.

Wiping your palms wide and flat onto your jeans, you approached the ladder.

“Minho?” You tried again, but to no avail. You sighed, it wouldn’t hurt to check just to be sure.

Before you knew it, you were halfway up the ladder, head just shorter than half a foot away from peeking through the hole in the cast iron.

“Y/N?”

“Fuck!” You flew backwards, completely taken aback at the way Minho’s head suddenly appeared in the hatch. You didn’t even have time to register how cute he looked with his confused face, brows furrowed and lips slightly pouted.

Minho’s reaction was quick, quicker than he had appeared in the opening, even. His left hand immediately went out to grasp onto your elbow as his right arm hooked over the ladder to stabilise it.

“Shit! I’m so sorry,” he exclaimed, arm straining to help you back safely on the ladder. Your feet were still fastened to the rungs, but your upper body had leant back so suddenly that you very almost lost your balance, hands desperately reaching to grip the ladder which would have done no help. The ladder wasn’t completely fastened to the opening in the ceiling (floor? both?) meaning you would have simply brought the ladder down with you in your fall.

“Minho!” you almost shouted, heart pounding and pupils dilated in exhilaration. “You utter fuckwit!”

Minho’s eyes stared directly into yours for a few moments, examining them as he slowly dragged his arms away from you and the ladder. It was silent until he began laughing. Eyes crinkling and breath being sucked in through wheezes.

“Your fucking face!” He cried, leaning back from the hatch to allow you to climb through. “You should’ve seen it!”

“That could have been the last face you’d ever seen, Minho Lee,” You grumbled, climbing through the opening with ease. “If I died, I would’ve haunted you to immediate death.”

“You—, you were all ‘Fuck!’ and—” Minho did what he supposed was an impression of you. “—you just fucking fell! Who does that? You were on a ladder!”

“Maybe someone who was petrified of your ugly face!”

“Oh, come on Y/N. Be a little more original for my sake.”

“Oh, I’ll be original with threats if need be, Minho.” You said, eyes turning menacing and small smile creeping its way onto your face.

Minho raised an eyebrow, watching you as you stood up in front of him. “Hm? Is that so?”

“Y—yeah!” You were suddenly flustered by Minho’s mischievous gaze on you, his lips tilting into a shit-eating grin. “Watch it, or I’ll shove a skewer up your fucking urethra.”

It took a second for him to register what you had said, and what exactly it entailed. But when he realised, you laughed at the visible cringe that went through Minho’s body, “Too far! What the fuck?”

Soon he began laughing too, giggles falling from his lips at your response to his reaction. You felt his eyes on you whilst you were laughing, gallantry suddenly declining rapidly as you quickly composed yourself with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry,” You said, finally, eyes flitting to and from Minho’s attentive ones. “Dinner’s ready, if you wanna come down.”

The boy’s eyes followed your hands as they gestures vaguely to the ladder that disappeared down the hole. You became very aware of the room now, how the moon shone through some fast moving clouds sporadically.

“Oh, sure,” Minho seemed to have snapped out of his slight disorient. “I’ll uh—, I’ll go down first.”

Minho awkwardly walked by you before turning and stepping down the ladder without another glance your way. And when you climbed down the ladder, stumbling off the last rung with a state of clumsy, and Minho’s hands had moved quickly to tighten themselves around your waist, neither of you said anything.

Walking down the stairs, you felt a massive urge to turn around to Minho and apologise. Apologise for basically eavesdropping on his conversation with his mum. You stopped yourself with clenched fists, telling yourself that he wouldn’t appreciate you bringing up the episode when he was clearly in a much better mood. Your fingernails remained pressing into your palms all the way until you walked into the house.

“We’re here!” You announced, awkwardly leading Minho through the entrance and towards the dining room.

After serving Minho and yourself some food, you went to sit with your family who was animatedly talking to Minho’s mother about her decision to buy her home and the lighthouse that protected the boats travelling along the coastline.

“And yeah, my ex-girlfriend and I just decided to buy it!” You glanced up at Minho who shifted uncomfortably beside his mother, opting to lift up the jug of water on the table and top up his mother’s and his own glasses.

“Just like that?” Your mum questioned. “God, it would’ve taken me years to convince Y/D/N to buy that.”

“Yeah, I’ve always liked lighthouses,” Minho’s mother smiled fondly. “I would’ve found a way to live by one.”

A silence filled the table, awkward and filled only by the scrapes of knives and forks on the table. You could feel the question lingering in the air, your father probably twitching to ask it, but Minseo answered it before it was even verbalised.

“I became blind about,” she raised a hand to gesture a so-so movement. “Three years later? It was about 1 and a half years after we were finally able to adopt Minho here.”

You saw the movement of Minseo’s hand under the table to pat at her son’s knee, your eyes darted up to his face and only saw an uncomfortable smile. You downcast your eyes to your plate, Minho mustn’t like talking about his other mum at all.

“Do you like the lighthouse, Minho? I don’t think Y/N would remember to turn it on and off all the time.” Your mum queried, folding her arms over the table.

“Oh, I love it!” Minho said, straightening his back and smiling politely. “I took Y/N up there the other day, actually. Maybe we should start taking turns, just so I can have a break.”

He turned to you and smirked. You rolled your eyes as your parents and Minseo started laughing, amused by Minho’s proposal.

“What d’ya say, Y/N?” He asked, smirk turning slowly into a lopsided smile that you didn’t want to admit made your heart stutter.

Scoffing, you picked up your glass of water. “No thanks, I’d rather watch you suffer for a few more years yet.” You retaliated, smiling in accomplishment as Minho’s mum nodded in agreement.

You liked this; sitting down for dinner and conversing with people other than your parents so freely with laughter filling the table. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It was nice.

☇

“Twenty Questions? Like, the game?”

It was late the next day, you sat with Minho on the floor of Markus’ old bedroom after helping him bring a plethora of items from his own bedroom for safe-keeping. You’d sat down on the floor with a cushion from the armchair in the room whilst Minho finished sorting some things into boxes.

“Yeah, the game.” Minho replies to you, moving to sit across from you on the floor. “I’ve never played it.”

You eyed the way he pulled his legs up and rested his elbows onto them before crossing them over, laying his hands over his upper arms. It seemed oddly intimate, talking to Minho in the warm, dim light of this bedroom. Sitting on the floor with still damp hair from your shower, fingers playing with the cracks in the floorboards below you.

“You know,” you started, turning your gaze to the small Star Wars poster Markus had left on the wall. “Twenty Questions is usually just called a conversation in my books.”

Minho breathed out a short laugh, smile twitching up on his lips. “Alright then. Let’s have a conversation.”

You nodded at him, and he began. “Books or movies?”

“Depends on whether the book or movie is better.” You shrugged, not thinking too hard. “Favourite colour?”

You smiled when Minho rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Basic. Mint green.”

“Ooh nice! I like mint green.” You butted in, pleased with his answer. Minho smiled and nodded in return.

“Tell me a random fact about yourself.” He demanded.

“That’s hardly a question, Minho.”

“This isn’t Twenty Questions, though,” the boy in front of you pointed out. “This is a conversation.”

“Oh my god—”

“Come on, just tell me!” Minho said, smile spreading wider over his lips. Once again, it was infectious, spreading its way over yours as well as you pondered for an answer.

“Uh, I can do this weird thing with my tongue?” You stated, slightly unsure, before opening your mouth and performing a weird tongue dance.

“What the fuck? You pass, that’s creepy.” You laughed at Minho’s scandalised face.

“What about you?” You said, ceasing your fiddling with the floor to lace your fingers together in front of you.

“Me? I’m ambidextrous.” Minho responded with a proud smile, clearly happy with his gift.

You left his room at 11:30PM, telling him he should get some rest before school after hours of questions, answers and detailed elaborations. Despite your earlier fears, it was easy to talk with Minho Lee. You didn’t have a problem speaking to him anymore aside from maybe when he’d do something that would make your heart stall for a brief moment. You didn’t know that his heart stalled too, every time you’d nudge him to get his attention or when you said something that he found particularly adorable.

He liked it, speaking with you, even if he wasn’t exactly used to it.

☇

A week later, you were taking a bite out of one of the chips from the packet you were holding just as another friend came to your table to sit down.

“Since when were you friends with Minho Lee?” He asked, hauling his bag into the table to open the zip on it. “I saw you walking to school with him this morning.”

You paused from eating your chips, you hadn’t really mentioned the whole Minho situation yet. You weren’t ashamed or anything, maybe embarrassed at your friends possibly beginning to believe you had a massive crush on him (which, though you didn’t want to admit it, was becoming more and more true each day you spent with him).

“Oh. Our families are friends.” You said simply, it was true. Your family was close with Minseo and Minho Lee now that they had been with you for a few weeks.

Your friend, Alex, raised a brow at you. “Yo, really? How come I didn’t know?” He exclaimed, faux offence lacing his features.

“I didn’t know either,” another friend piped in. “I’ve never even seen you talk to him!”

“Well,” you started before swallowing the remaining food in your mouth. “He doesn’t really talk much at school. He’s nice, though.”

“I’ve never seen him at breaks, he was in my science in year 10, though.” Alex piped up, finally pulling out a container of god-knows-what from his bag. “He broke like, three whole test tubes.”

You smiled, thinking of Minho being so clumsy to drop test tubes that often. “Sounds like him.”

“Who does he sit with? Like, where does he even go?” The girl beside you asks, eyebrows furrowing as she tried to remember if she’d seen him at a lunchtime before.

“I don’t know, actually.” You answered, tilting your head as you thought hard too. “I’ll ask him after school.”

Your friend nodded and Alex spoke once more, something that looked close to a Thai curry filling his cheeks. “Sin’f whe’dib you wok’ome wiv’im?”

Some heads on your table turned to him, only to join you in laughing at his so-called sentence. “Excuse me, what?”

He just rolled his eyes and gulped three times before opening his mouth again, enunciating it very clearly. “Since when did you walk home with him?”

You laughed breathily once more at your friend before responding. “Since not long ago, really.”

“Do you like him?” A girl named Iniya called from the other end of the table, causing you to almost choke on the water you’d just started to drink. Great, this is exactly what you didn’t want to happen.

“Excuse me?” You shot back, eyes pointing in an accusatory glare. “Why does every guy I talk to have to be a guy I like, Miss ‘I’m-So-Sick-Of-Romance’.”

“Not all guys!” She said. “I wouldn’t ever let you crush on Rawiri.”

All heads turn to Rawiri, another one of your friends, who was struggling the break the ice of his orchy cup. He looked up with wide and confused eyes. “You know, Iniya, I don’t know what I’ve ever fucking done to you.”

The table erupted with laughter and the subject of you liking Minho was forgotten, without you even straight up denying it.

☇

“My friends asked about you at lunch today.” You said, taking a bite into the potato cake Minho had given you which was doused in a thick amount of chicken salt.

“Really?” He questioned, shoving the change from his purchase in his pocket (“I can buy my own potato cake, Minho.” You’d argued, attempting to shove a two dollar coin into Minho’s hand. He only scoffed, and replied in a mocking tone; “I can buy my own potato cake, Minho.”).

“Yeah,” you gulped down your mouthful. “You should come sit with us at lunch.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Minho shaking his head. “No thanks, man. I’m busy during breaks.”

Silence ensued as you battled whether or not you should ask the question that you were thinking of, but you chose to ask it anyway.

“What do you even—”

“Homework,” Minho cut you off before you even finished. “I do it during school, I don’t have time to do it at home.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

You tilted your head slightly. “Would you mind if I came with you while you did it?”

“Yes,” you saw Minho look at you, but you didn’t turn to face him. “You’d be way too much of a distraction.”

“Oh, come on!” You exclaimed, looking at him with wide eyes and lips parted in slight offense. “I am not a distraction.”

“You talk,” he retorted. “Heaps. I don’t know how I survive honestly.”

“Okay Mr ‘I’m-gonna-wait-for-you-after-school-everyday’!”

“Would you rather I didn’t?”

“That’s not what I’m saying!”

Minho let out an exasperated sigh before taking a large bite out of his potato cake. You looked away right after you realised you were staring at the chicken salt that remained on his lips, who does that?

“Fine. But I’m not gonna hesitate to kick you outta the library if you piss me off.” You fist pumped in victory before picking up your pace, basically skipping home with a proud face of accomplishment.

“Can you not run off?” Minho called down the street. “I’m kind of excruciatingly lazy, here!”

The next day, Minho led you from your shared society and culture class to the school library up at the 3rd floor of one of your school buildings.

“Hey Minho!” The librarian greeted, catching you off guard as Minho smiled and waved politely. You waved too before you realised Minho had quickly travelled away from you, already looking for a table.

He found an empty one, one painfully close to the Manga section of the library where a few edgy year eights sat, black nail polish on their fingers that flicked the pages of the book every few seconds.

“Sit across from me,” he directed, sitting down and swinging his bag onto the table. “I kinda need some space.”

You didn’t realise what he really meant by that until you saw just how seriously he was going to study. He pulled out his laptop and five different work books as well as two pencil cases (“One for pens ‘n’ stuff and the other for highlighters.”).

“Whoa.” You said, meekly dragging out your pencil case and your English book to begin your draft for an upcoming in class essay.

“Shush, I won’t hesitate to kick you out.”

You shut your mouth, eyes studying Minho’s dead serious expression as he stared directly at you. After a few seconds, you couldn’t help the fit of giggles that tumbled from your lips, causing Minho to roll his eyes and kick your shin under the table. You inhaled a large amount of air to calm down before apologising and getting a pen out from your pencil case.

You did your work without bothering Minho from then on. No noises, no erratic movements, nothing that would distract him in any way. You got a fair amount of work done, too, as you were almost halfway finished your essay draft. You’d suppressed some groans here and there, really despising the fact that you were stuck there doing an essay on Shakespeare’s ‘Othello’.

You and Minho had grown closer over the past few weeks. The air around you was no longer awkward and you could approach each other anytime without being overthrown by nerves and thoughts of ‘Am I annoying them?’ or ‘Are they too busy?’, thank god. Minho liked it a lot, actually. Having a friend, that is. He more of survived off of acquaintances, not really having the time to hang out with people outside of school when he wanted to spend his time looking after the lighthouse and, of course, his mum.

But he couldn’t help but smile at knowing he could talk to you about things that were just funny and relatable at your age, things he probably couldn’t laugh about with his mum. He liked it most when you approached him, smile gracing your lips and a snarky comment tumbling from them in some form of greeting that, even though it was most likely a comment to offend him, made his heart beat a little harder.

At first, he’d played it off simply as excitement of having a friend, of having someone close to his age that he could talk to whenever he wanted pretty much. But now? Now he had realised.

His eyes fell on you constantly as he was supposed to be studying, not that you noticed with your furrowed brows and nose buried deep into your copy of ‘Othello’. He wanted to say something to tease you when he noticed your phone on the table, image on the screen lighting up of google and the search bar filled with ‘synonyms for emotions’ and other various things. He just let out a small smile and trailed his eyes up to your face, pupils dilated as you read through a scene of the play, sometimes your eyes flicking back up a few lines once you realised you weren’t really paying attention to what you were reading. Your fingers tapped on the table silently and your workbook lay open to reveal two pages of messily written words that were crossed out and rewritten, little notes in red above some sentences and quotes from the play written larger than the rest of it, as if to draw attention to them over your actual analysis.

Minho could feel it, his heart beating a little faster, but it didn’t stop him from staring at the way your eyelashes splayed over your cheekbones whenever you blinked. He could feel it, the lump in his throat as he realised he really, really wanted to kiss you, even if he didn’t really know how.

He liked you, and he felt like an idiot for feeling that way.

Minho barely got any work done that day.

(“What do you mean I’m ‘too distracting’? I barely said a word!”

“Yeah, I don’t care. I’m going back to studying on my own.”)

☇

You were lying on you bed on a late Sunday afternoon, a whole month after the time you got denied to study with Minho after he deemed you an unfit ‘Study Buddy’, your phone in your hands as you scrolled through Instagram.

It was mid spring now, and the sun had begun beating down harder (not that you noticed, as the bellowing wind was still very, very prominent).

“Hey,” you heard a voice from your doorway and you tilted your head to find Minho standing there. “Wanna come down to the beach with me? I’ve got something cool to do.”

You sat up, already very prepared to tag along. “Are we feeding the penguins—?” You cut yourself off and clamped your mouth shut. Minho hadn’t told you about the penguins yet, and he most certainly didn’t know you knew about him feeding them almost every night when they returned from the sea.

“Huh?” He said, tilting his head at you and furrowing his brows. “Did I already tell you about them? Damn, I wanted it to be a cool surprise.”

You let out the breath you were holding and nodded. “Oh well, I still haven’t seen them yet.”

The boy in your doorway smiled at you. “Let’s go then.”

After throwing on some thongs and grabbing a coat to fight the wind, you followed Minho out of your home and along the dirt pathway that led, basically, to his house. You expected to go inside but Minho simply walked around the back, passed all the scaffolding and equipment left over from the renovation, and to a small shed.

“We’re gonna feed them some squid. I took it out of the freezer this morning,” He said, yanking the wooden door of the shed open. “But I still have to keep it in here because Vanta is a massive pig.”

You laughed lightly, already noting the way Vanta had followed you and suddenly appeared meowing in the doorway of the shed as Minho went inside and picked up a bucket full to above the brim with thawed raw squid. He began complaining about how heavy it was, but still defended the bucket from your hands and your words of ‘Just let me carry it!’.

Eventually, he caved, letting your hands grab at the handle and follow him whilst carrying it. He led you down the path that led to the stairs down the beach, Vanta scampering along behind you.

“They should be out soon,” he said, taking the bucket from your tired hand once you reached the bottom of the stairs. “The sun’s just about to set.”

You nodded, stepping out further into the beach over various cuttlefish bones and almost dry seaweed that lay strewn across it. Despite living right next to it, you weren’t too fond of the ocean. But with Minho placing the bucket down in the middle of the small beach and jogging past you to lead Vanta to the place where the water licked at the sand, kicking off his thongs on the way, you felt a wave of contentment wash over you.

“What the fuck even is your cat?” You called out to Minho, leaving your thongs next to his as you walked down to where Vanta was leaping around in the water.

“I have no idea,” he mumbled, watching her splash her paws together in the sand under the thinnest layer of salt-water. “It’s fucking freezing in there.”

You stood there for 20 minutes at least, laughing at Minho’s odd cat before noticing some penguins swimming into the shore just a little while up the beach. Minho smiled brightly, running to grab the bucket of squid, sand kicking up behind him a little bit as he stumbled.

It was still just barely light out, pink-turning-purple slowly descending over the horizon. It was still light enough to watch Minho wave you over, telling you to walk gently, slowly as you got closer to the tiny pack of penguins.

Although cautious, many weren’t too phased by Minho and your presence, choosing just to slowly waddle past you. That was when Minho nudged you, telling you to copy him as he grabbed a handful of the squid and tossed it in the general direction of the penguins.

By this point, Vanta had realised what you were doing and she ran over, startling some of the penguins as she picked up some of the squid.

“Goddamn pig, I swear.” Minho whispered to you, smiling as you reached towards the bucket and flung a handful of the squid to roughly the same place Minho did.

The penguins were flooding in by now, and the bucket was nearly empty as Minho’s and your throws became more and more generous. Minho let you have the last toss, laughing as you dramatically threw it into the air, watching it scatter over the sand near where the penguins were.

Minho’s eyes set on you. Your face illuminated by the last glimpses of purple peeking over the vast sea, and his heart leapt into his throat. Ah, he thought, this is what I’ve been missing out on all these years.

“Come on, let’s go.” He bumped his shoulder with yours. “I’d rather not have my hands smell like squid for much longer.”

You nodded enthusiastically, turning around to go and grab your thongs.

“Oh shit!” You laughed once you realised both yours and Minho’s pairs were painfully close to the rising tide, probably minutes away from being washed out to sea.

Minho laughed, coming over to grab his pair in the hand that wasn’t holding the bucket, and you both climbed up the three flights of stairs to the pathway that would lead you home. You talked Minho’s ear off on the way up about how cool that was, and how adorable those penguins were. You even threw in an idea about how you could turn it into a tourist attraction and earn a shit-tonne of money before quickly rejecting idea, shutting it down with an ‘Exploitation of animals isn’t cool. They might get super anxious!’.

Minho could wipe the smile off of his face, all the way to your kitchen even as he ran some warm water and you squirted some foaming soap into his awaiting hands.

Your mum came in, checking the food that was brewing on the stove in the kitchen and smiling at you fondly.

“Where did you guys go?” She questioned, lowering the heat that flared up on the undersides of the pot.

“Just down to the beach,” you turned and smiled at her, soap lathered over your hands. “Minho showed me the penguins! We fed them!”

“Really?” Your mum raised her eyebrows, turning to Minho who smiled sheepishly. “That sounds amazing!”

“Yeah, Y/N seemed to like it more than I did.”

“They were so cute! I’ve never been that close to them before and—” You let out a small sound to emphasise just how adorable they were, and you missed the way Minho looked at you fondly from his place next to you.

Your mum smiled before telling you you were eating fajitas for the night, adding on that the family wasn’t going to sit around that table because she was too lazy for that. Your family rarely sat around the table until the Lee’s came, opting to just eat dinner in the loungeroom or have you take your food to your room to eat whilst you studied.

You smiled and nodded at your mother, rinsing off your hands before pulling out some plates from a cabinet and beginning to make an abundance of food with Minho helping.

“Maybe you guys should go and eat up at the lighthouse? That’d be cool, wouldn’t it?” You looked at your mum skeptically, only to find her smiling quite genuinely. With that, you turned your head to face Minho, practically begging him with your eyes.

“Shit—!” He exclaimed before quickly shutting his mouth and apologising to your mother for swearing. “I forgot to turn the light on!”

Minho’s eyes were wide and you laughed at him, shoving the plates into his hands. “You go up first, I’ll come up in a bit with some water ‘n’ stuff.”

Minho nodded at you graciously, asking you to also possibly bring up his jacket with you. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be up in ten!”

After that, Minho was off rushing out the door and you were jogging down your hallway to find a spare backpack. After finding one you quickly shoved in a couple of blankets and a big water bottle. Your mum came up behind you and shoved in a packet of double coated Tim Tams.

“Minho’s a nice boy, don’t’cha think?” She said to you, smiling as you zipped up the bag and reached for Minho’s coat that lay on a nearby chair.

“Lay off it, mum.” You knew she was just teasing, probably had noticed your blushy cheeks from earlier (which most certainly weren’t because Minho smiled at you so wide his gums showed).

Saying goodbye, you walked out of the house, turning on the flashlight of your phone and wandering out towards the lighthouse. You tilted your head back, looking up, and smiled once you realised Minho had already switched the light on, the top room glowing brightly every seven seconds.

It took you a shorter amount of time to scale the stairs this time around, after doing it so often lately of course. And once you climbed up the ladder, Minho was waiting for you with half a fajita stuffed into his mouth. He tried to greet you but it obviously didn’t work out as it only came out in a mixture of muffled sounds followed by laughter followed by him almost choking on his food.

You smiled as he struggled to swallow the massive bite he’d taken out of his fajita, amused by his dumbassery. He gasped for air once he swallowed and gestures for you to sit down with him, shoving your plate towards you.

“Took you long enough,” he said, reaching into the bag you’d dropped in front of him to pull out the bottle of water. “Your food almost went cold— oh, fuck yes! Tim Tams!”

You laughed again and he turned to you whilst unscrewing the cap of his bottle. “Go on, eat up!”

You did as he said, stuffing your face with food as he recited the story of the last time he’d come to chill up here and how he fell asleep, giving Minseo a heart attack in doing so. Listening to Minho talk was easy, he jumped from one story to another with ease and seemed like he didn’t even need your input to keep going.

“—And so yeah, mum’s pretty proud of her–, I mean, our culture so she wanted to adopt a Korean baby too. Even gave me a Korean name which is sometimes a bitch because the majority of what I get at school is ‘Minno’ and—” Minho looked up to you from his empty plate and realised you’d also finished eating, and were just sitting there with your cheek in your palm as you listened to him speak. “Shit, sorry, I’m rambling.”

You shook your head. “No, it’s fine. I like it actually.”

“Really?” He asked, self-convinced you were lying to make him feel better.

“Yeah. I’ve always liked listening to people talk,” you said, reassuring the now timid boy. “It’s comforting.”

“How so?” He queried, offering you the bottle of water you packed and pulling out the Tim Tams from the bag.

“My cousin, Markus,” You said in between gulps of water. “He used to have friends over a lot and I’d always fall asleep when they were talking loud as fuck in his room. Ever since, talking has just been something that I liked listening to.”

Minho nodded, staring into your eyes with a smile. “It’s a good thing I like talking, then.” He commented, biting into a Tim Tam.

You hummed in return, picking a Tim Tam out of the packet and biting into it as well.

“You know,” you glanced up at Minho once he started talking again. “I never really used to care for, or like, talking.”

“Hm? Why’d’ya like it now?” You tugged out a blanket from the bag on the floor, wrapping it snug around your shoulders.

“I just–, never used to have friends I guess. Until that dumb tree fell on our house and I met you, that is.” Minho shrugged dismissively, but you saw the red crawling up his neck at his confession. “I think I just have a lot of stories to tell that I haven’t told before.”

“That sounds about right.”

There was silence for a while, and you turned your head to look at the gleaming light of the lighthouse, visibly cringing when it shone due to the pure brightness of the concentrated beam.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I sorta—,” Minho’s voice shook a bit and you tried not to notice the red spreading over his face to save the poor boy the embarrassment. “I just wanted you to know that I like being friends with you.”

Your heart stalled before beginning to beat erratically. You knew it wasn’t a big deal, that Minho likes being your friend, but you couldn’t help but feel giddy about it. Your ears pricked as he continued before you could respond.

“You always listen to me say dumb shit and put up with me being sorta edgy, I guess. You don’t even care about how weird my family is and for some reason, Vanta likes you more than she likes me, which would totally not be okay but it’s sort of okay because it’s you.” Minho’s fingers intertwined with each other out of– nervousness? Embarrassment? You didn’t know. But you did feel the sudden urge to untangle them and hold his hands in your own.

Red started appearing brightly on your cheeks, but Minho was staring at his clasped hands and didn’t notice. You saw the way his nose sniffed a little bit and his top lip protrudes more than usual because he was looking down. You really, really wanted to kiss him.

“After my mums old carer retired, I sort of lost contact with my friends to look after her. That’s not a complaint; I like doing it, but like—. I don’t know, it’s pretty cool that you’ll hang out with my mum and me and you try really hard to help her without being overbearing about it.”

God, he puffed his cheeks out a little and took a small glance up at you before flitting his eyes out of the window towards the bush-land opposite the sea. You just really wanted to squish his cheeks together and kiss him and see his blush up close, right in front of your eyes.

“Not to mention, you’re just really cool. You follow me up this dumb lighthouse and come feed penguins with me and walk with me to and from school. I guess I’ve just never had a friend as close as you, and I really—”

Fuck it.

You leant forward at a lightening speed, pressing your lips to Minho’s and effectively cutting off his little speech. Your stomach swooped excitedly, though it wasn’t even a proper kiss. You simply pressed your lips to his for two seconds before pulling back with wide eyes and pressing a hand to your mouth in shock.

Minho, at this point, was bright red. His cheeks were burning and he felt slightly dizzy as he looked at you with eyes that mirrored yours. His heart was beating beyond fast, his little monologue long forgotten because, holy shit, you’d just kissed him.

“Fuck.” You started, taking the blanket off of your shoulders and beginning to shove it into your backpack whilst avoiding Minho’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry Minho that was really uncalled for.”

Minho couldn’t respond, his tongue simply would not move and lay in his mouth limply as he watched you pack up some things.

“I’ll go down first and we—” you huffed out a breath, beginning to stand up. “We can just forget about it, yeah?”

“Wait!” Minho’s body finally registered his brains signals as his hand reached out to grip at your wrist, tugging you back down to sit in front of him again. He didn’t continue until a few seconds after, causing your anxiety to scale up quickly. “You just took my first kiss.”

God, way to play the guilt card Minho. “Fuck, Minho. I’m so sorry, I’m an idiot and you can beat me up if you wa—”

“Can you take my second kiss, too?”

You paused, you hands shaking slightly out of nerves and your head spinning as you tried to focus solely on his face. Did Minho Lee really just say that?

“Huh?” Was the only thing you could say, panic swirling through your mind.

“Can you kiss me again? I’d kiss you but I don’t really know how and—”

You moved forward before you even knew it, hands crashing onto Minho’s knees and lips crashing to his. It was still for a moment, neither of you moving until you realised you were the only one with the slightest knowledge or experience, even if it was just a slightly buzzed kiss at a party when you were 16. You breathed out out of your nose slightly before tilting your head and pulling back the tiniest bit. You could feel Minho’s small pant over your lips just before you leant back towards him, tilting your head slightly more.

It was awkward and full of hesitancy, but when you pulled away Minho only sat closer and leaned towards you to kiss you again.

And again.

With each new kiss grew more confidence, smiles and small giggles escaping both of your lips whenever you bumped noses with one another. Your ministrations matched up with his after however many tries and Minho’s hands lifted from where they were carefully caressing your arms up to cup at your cheeks and press forward a bit harder.

You knew you were bright red, and your mind swarmed with thoughts and words: Oh my god, Minho’s lips were so soft. Oh my god, the way his thumbs brushed over your cheekbones. Oh my god, Minho was kissing you. Oh my god, Minho was kissing you. It felt like a long time after a millennium when you pulled back, forehead pressing to his and nose brushing his affectionately.

Despite the way your heart had initially thrashed in your chest and the way your blood had rushed through your body with pure adrenaline egged on only further by Minho’s gentle and hesitant movements, despite all that, it was a calming thing kissing Minho. After a while, your heart slowed down to a low thumping beat and your fingers, which had fisted themselves around Minho’s t-shirt, uncurled themselves to splay across his chest.

You felt it under your fingertips, the shudder that travelled through his body once you pushed your hands upwards onto his shoulders, hugging at the base of his neck.

You didn’t talk about it when you finally parted once and for all, sleep heavy in your minds as your gentle kisses to each other had lulled you both into some kind of trance. Simply, you packed your things with tired smiles and travelled the long way down the stairs and out into the slight chill of the early springtime air. Minho walked closer to you than normal, assuring your sides at the very least brushed up against each other with every stride.

Nothing was said, even as Minho smiled at you so softly as you walked backwards into your bedroom, returning the smile before letting Minho pull your door closed behind you and walking into his room as well. You fell asleep relatively easily, which you found amusing, seeing how often you were kept awake at night in the past, blush on your cheeks as your subconscious always led you to thinking of Minho.

Minho. You’d kissed Minho Lee that night.

Minho, on the other side of the wall, lay in bed with a dumb smile playing over his lips. You’d kissed him, more than once. God, the day he forgot how your lips felt pressed against his would be the day he died.

Despite the red dancing over his cheekbones, he fell asleep quite easy too.

The quicker I fall asleep, he thought, the quicker I’ll be able to see them again.

☇

That morning, you woke up with a bundle of nervous energy. It was 7:30, you decided to shower quickly and darted into the bathroom, avoiding any confrontation with Minho Lee just yet.

You walked out of the bathroom once you were done and dressed, only to walk into the kitchen to find Minseo and Minho sitting at your table eating granola and yoghurt.

Minho looked up at you and gave you a sly grin before looking back down and shoving another spoonful of the granola into his mouth. Charming.

“It’s eight ten guys,” your dad said as he walked out from the kitchen, passing you a slice of vegemite toast to eat on your way. “You should get going.”

“Sho’fink!” Minho said, voice muffled as he shovelled a few last spoonfuls of food into his mouth before standing up and hugging his own mum from over her chair.

“Later, ma!” He fare-welled her before gripping his backpack and swinging it over his shoulder, walking down the entrance hall and out the front door before you could even catch up.

“See you this afternoon!” You called into the vague area of the kitchen, hurrying to the front door to reach Minho before he got too far.

Once you caught up with him, it was pretty much silent. You didn’t want to bring up the happenings of last night but it seemed he didn’t want to either and now you were both stuck whilst reluctantly thinking up game plans on how exactly to bring it up. A huff sounded from next to you and you looked towards Minho, he walked beside you whilst absentmindedly kicking some stones on the pathway. He looked really fucking pretty, it was sort of unfair. His hair was a bit of a mess, probably your fault for hogging the bathroom that morning but you didn’t care because the little flicks in every direction just looked so freakishly adorable you were actually scared of what it was doing to your heart.

“You don’t get to stare at me,” he suddenly spoke, snapping you out of your reverie. “It’s making me nervous.”

Quickly, you snapped your eyes towards the ground and sped up your pace a little bit. Minho didn’t need to know you stared at him but now he certainly did and it wasn’t fair. It was even more unfair when he laughed from your side and you felt a hand gripping onto yours loosely.

Oh. Minho was holding your hand. Minho was holding your hand as you walked to school together. Hand. Minho. Minho’s hand wrapped around yours. God, what the fuck was happening?

You were blushing so hard, the feeling of whatever Minho had induced inside of you had come crashing so fast and so thick that your head rushed and you suddenly felt light-headed. You couldn’t even look at the boy, he probably had some kind of shit-eating grin and teasing eyes. Minho felt lucky you weren’t going to look at him, very lucky indeed.

His stomach was erupting with nerves, was this okay? Was he holding your hand right? Was his hand sweaty? Did you mind it? The questions flowed freely through his head and his head pounded in his chest. God, why did this have to make him so tense.

You on the other hand had only just managed to pick up the courage to tighten your grip in return to Minho’s hand in yours, giving it just the slightest squeeze. Minho felt a million times better after that.

You said nothing else on the walk, simply awkwardly looking around as the morning sun peeked through the blooming trees. The both of you didn’t want to let go, but finally dropped each other’s hands upon dawdling through the gate, Minho letting you go to your friends. His hand felt warm still, and he loved the feeling, watching you as you turned a corner into the area in which your group hung out. Jesus, he liked you so much it was incredible.

You held hands on the way home too, this time you snatching his hand as you left the school. He smiled at you and said hello before re-adjusting your fingers to fit them between his own. At times, he’d notice his grip had loosened whilst he paid attention to the story you were telling of your sub from your earth and environmental class, when he noticed this he tightened his fingertips onto the back of your hand with a firm embrace.

He thought, with a smile, that he could hold your hand forever.

☇

It had been, officially, three days since you’d kissed Minho, and he’d responded largely in your favour.

You hadn’t kissed since; though you’d wanted to, but the amount of affection in whatever relationship you shared had multiplied greatly. You believed even your mum had noticed the shift in your attitude around each other, catching her moving to whisper into Minseo’s ear whenever Minho decided to give you a heart attack and do something simple like fixing your collar before your walk to school. Maybe it wasn’t just you that had caught the tender look in Minho’s eyes when he did so.

Today, a Wednesday, the boy that was living in your house had been particularly clingy. Your mum hadn’t mentioned it to you, but you saw the meanings behind her amused pointed looks when Minho, instead of asking you to move like a normal person, brought his hands up to gently grasp your middle and shift you softly to one side. You’d grown accustomed to his little ways of showing affection, like the way he ensured his leg was bouncing up next to yours when you sat down next to each other on the couch, as if he was assuring you he was there. Or even the way he made sure to supply you with whatever you needed, like when you asked for a pen and he gripped your hand and spread your palm open himself before putting the damned thing in it. Honestly, just hand the pen over, Minho.

Anyway, you were up in your room, sitting cross-legged in your bed, studying for an upcoming French test with Minho (who insisted on helping) sitting in front of you with flash cards.

“I don’t want to do this,” he groaned, tipping back his head in dissatisfaction. “You’ve got all of them right, anyway!”

You rolled your eyes, taking the flash cards from his hands. “I told you, you don’t have to help me!”

“But I want to help you!”

“You literally just said ‘I don’t want to do this’.”

“Yeah, because this is boring!”

You shook your head at the boy in front of you before dropping your head down to shuffle through the cards again. “You’re incredibly dumb, Minho Lee, you know th—?”

Minho leaned forward and placed his hands onto your knees, fingers spreading over them before you felt the press of his lips against the crown of your head.

He sort of lingered there for a while before pulling back and sitting comfortably again. You slowly raised your head and met his eyes, they were cute and crinkled as his cheeks rose with his giddy smile.

“Let’s talk for a while,” he offered, already closing your French book. “You’re gonna ace that test anyway.”

You nodded dumbly, still slightly dazed at his genuinely fond action. Gripping onto your workbook, you reached back and placed it onto your bedside table along with your pencil case and badly shuffled flash cards. Once you turned back, Minho was already beside you and leaning back on your pillows.

“Tell me about your day?” He asked, shifting down a bit lower so he was more comfortable but looking at you nonetheless, neck probably craning uncomfortably at the angle.

You mirrored him, scooching down lower so your shoulders were pressed together. “Nothing much happened really. You know that Jamie Nyombe kid?”

Minho nodded, picking up your hand and pulling it back onto his chest to fiddle with your fingers.

“Well he choked really bad on his choccy milk and started crying, it was really funny.” You smiled, remembering how he choked from laughing at another friend’s joke. “But that’s about it, how about yours?”

“Hm,” Minho started, ignoring the shiver that went through your spine as he played with your fingers. “I don’t do much at school. I just sat there and missed you, then came home.”

You couldn’t help the blush that spread over your cheeks, what exactly was it with Minho being so uncharacteristically bold today? “Missed me, huh?”

Minho giggles a bit, chest moving underneath your hand. “Yeah, and my mum too.”

You thought back to earlier that day when Minho and his mum had sat in the loungeroom alone, talking about something that spread tension throughout the whole house and no one else dared to interfere with. There was no yelling or anything of that sort, just a lingering feeling of a serious conversation.

“How is your mum? You guys talked for a while this afternoon.” You questioned, bringing the topic up softly.

“Oh, she’s fine. We were just talking about her ex girlfriend.” He grumbled with a little sigh. “She’s a real annoying twat, that woman.”

Your eyebrows raised at his sudden hostile language. “How so?”

“She left me ‘n’ my mum because she couldn’t handle with mum being blind,” you couldn’t see it, but you felt his eye-roll. “The bitch still thinks she’s entitled enough to be my mother because her millionaire ass pays for most my stuff.”

You didn’t really know how to respond, instead processing the information because you knew Minho would continue anyway.

“I mean, I don’t object it because free stuff is free stuff, and mum can’t work so it’s nice getting some extra cash here and there.” He explained, ceasing playing with your fingers for a moment before continuing. “But she’s paying for the renovations for the house and wants us to stay with her until they’re finished. Says ‘It’s the least she can do’. Like, fuck off.”

He continued on, rambling and rambling about this lady you’d never even seen before. In the back of your mind you registered how the rest of the town thought Minho had a father and not a second mum, who wasn’t even his mum at this point, but that thought quickly dispersed once Minho finished talking.

“Fuck. That was a lot,” he turned his head to yours which was facing the ceiling, eyes closed in relaxation. “I’ve never talked about her to anyone before.”

You smiled, opening your eyes. “She sounds like a real bitch, so I’m glad you did.”

“Yeah, me too.” Minho let out softly before speaking louder in realisation. “Shit, you’ve got your exam tomorrow. You should get some sleep!”

Before you could even protest he was climbing out of your bed like a child on Christmas, stretching his arms a little before turning to you and muttering a quiet goodnight and turning to leave. You climbed out of bed too, quickly gripping at Minho’s wrist before he left.

“Wait!” You said, tugging him back so he was in front of you and leaning towards him. You shakily pressed a kiss to his forehead, mind swimming with nice feelings for the black haired boy. “Thank you for helping me study and talking to me.”

Once you pulled back, Minho smiled softly before backtracking out of the door.

“Nigh-night, Y/N.”

“Night, Minho.”

☇

Three weeks. Three whole weeks of tiptoeing around the house and holding hands on your way to school. God, had you tried so hard to kiss Minho again. The times he noticed you leaning in he’d pull back slightly and smile teasingly at your expression. You’d think he didn’t want to kiss you, didn’t like you back or something-or-other but he’d always lean back towards you to peck anywhere on your face that wasn’t your lips.

You figured you could survive, but then suddenly Minho was packing up and leaving your house to return to his own, and you realised you’d see him less and less and god, just fucking kiss me Minho Lee!

“I’ll grab you in the morning,” he said as you walked out of his front door after helping him carry the last things over. “You’d better be ready for school.”

You nodded, it was your last week of classes for the term and you’d realised he wouldn’t walk you to and from school for a whole two weeks. You felt really worried about how little you guys might see each other, as you’d grown so accustomed to his presence and absent minded touches.

In the morning, you were ready earlier than usual and even opted out on meeting Minho halfway. You saw him as he walked up to where the paths forked into one and waved.

“Miss me that much, huh?” He’d teased, already naturally linking his fingers with yours.

It was normal now, walking to school like this. Your friends often made fun of you for your relationship (whatever that relationship might be) with Minho Lee, mocking the way you blushed when he grabbed your hand at the gate at the end of the day. Minho promised to come meet your friends soon, and it oddly felt like introducing your boyfriend to your parents though Minho wasn’t your boyfriend and your friends certainly weren’t your parents.

“Wanna come study with me today?” Minho asked once you could see the towering buildings of the school in the distance.

“I thought I was too much of a distraction?” You retorted, squeezing your fingers against his.

Minho laughed slightly, bringing his other hand up to adjust his bag strap on his shoulder. “Yeah, but I can make an exception today.”

☇

So here you sat, in the library next to a Minho Lee that insisted you take the seat by him unlike last time. You sat highlighting a booklet on how Guangzhou, China became so overpopulated since 1991 whilst Minho sat next to you, typing away on his laptop.

You didn’t notice the way his tapping on keys had stopped since five minutes ago and his body had slightly shifted towards yours. He knew he wasn’t going to get anything done while you were sitting next to him, it was inevitable.

He figured, now’s a better time than any. A better time than any to finally do it, to finally ask you out and kiss you like you’ve wanted to. He didn’t even register at this point that he was in a library when he took the highlighter out of your hand and placed the cap onto it before putting it on the desk in front of you.

You looked up at him, confused as to what the fuck he thought he was doing. That was when he brought his hands to your jaw and you knew. Holy shit, he was actually going to kiss y—.

God, fuck, every other word of expression that could possibly be used to describe the feeling of Minho leaning in and attaching his lips with yours. What the fuck? Since when was he actually good at this? What flavour lip balm was he even wearing? Did he care about how you only had papaw?

Too quickly was he pulling away, did you even kiss back properly? It was all a bit too much to handle for you for the 7 whole seconds he’d pressed his lips to yours. Your eyes fluttered open and you were sure you were blushing, it’s not like you had time to prepare yourself.

“I wanna be your boyfriend.”

Fuck, you had definitely not prepared yourself, you were an absolute mess and your fingers curled around the hands that were on your cheeks. You couldn’t help but smile, and that set Minho’s heartbeat at ease.

You nodded, “Okay, Mr Boyfriend.”

He smiled back at you, nerves no longer thrashing through him and heart pounding because of something entirely different now. It was official, god, his mum was gonna be so fucking happy.

“Really?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

“Hm,” you fauxed a look of contemplation. “If you let me kiss you again, then it’s a maybe.”

He laughed, looking down in disbelief before raising his head again and nodding, already leaning forward to make it easier for you.

“Hey, as nice as it is you’ve found a friend,” you both pulled apart, shocked at the loud voice and looking for its source. “There’s absolutely no kissing in the library, Minho.”

The librarian stood at a shelf nearby, raising her eyebrows at you both before walking off with some books in her hand.

“What a cockblock.” He grumbled, sitting back in his seat in disappointment.

Though, you made up for it. You kissed him on your way home, at the beach many times when feeding the penguins, up at the lighthouse where you remembered your first and even down at your front door before you could let him leave.

Minho liked it, having a friend. But he liked even more having someone to kiss and hold hands with, and someone that he just wanted constantly to give tender touches to. You liked it too, he could tell, and that made him glad.

No one really knows the boy that mans the lighthouse on your bay, no one except you. And you were never ever going to forget the storm that brought the two of you together. The storm that brought you Minho.

☇

(“You know, I used to watch you feed the penguins before we met.”

“I know, you’re terrible at hiding.”

“What the fuck? You knew I was practically a creep this whole time?”

“What? You mean you weren’t just watching the penguins?”

“Forget I said that.”)

☇

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