#the world is already so full of misery and hate why are you letting that energy into something that's supposed to be fun?

[magnecalliope]

The irony of almost every post tagged "[fandom] critical" is that they are all monuments to an absolute failure on the OPs part to engage their critical thinking skills while writing about whatever text they are criticizing. They're almost all written in bad faith, though, so they aren't worth more than the effort it takes to block them. Stop giving your time to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 16 - Invisible

@jegulus-microfic August 16, Word count 1000

Previous part First Wolfstar part

Dumbledore’s answer came swiftly, carried with his phoenix patronus. Regulus didn’t think it was nearly as impressive as James’s stag, but he kept that to himself as his old headmaster’s voice sounded from the bird’s open beak. 

“You are welcome, of course, whenever you are available. The password for the Slytherin Common room is, Oxyuranus microlepidotus. I would ask that you come to my office to discuss a few things once you have done whatever it is that you are doing.” The message ended there.

"Oxyuranus microlepidotus, that’s a weird one,” James said, his face screwed up as he tried to decipher the meaning. 

“It’s the Latin name for the most poisonous snake in the world, the Inland taipan,” Regulus told him. “It’s found in Australia. It’s tiny but packs a punch when it bites.” Regulus shrugged his shoulders. Barty had called him one before, as the snake tends to be quite shy unless provoked, and then you’d better watch out. 

“Fair enough. Right cloak on we’re going back to school,” James grinned at him. Regulus threw the cloak over himself and took James’s proffered hand and they apparated. 

They landed just outside of Hogsmeade, not far from the shrieking shack. Regulus shivered when he looked at the dilapidated abandoned house. James began to walk forward and, after checking no one was watching him, made his way towards the shrieking shack. 

“James, we can’t go near it. It’s haunted!” Regulus hissed as quietly as he could at James’s side. 

“It’s not,” James’s face had a tightness to it that Regulus hadn’t seen before, tinged with sadness. “Trust me, it’s fine,” He said, pushing open the cracked front door. Regulus paused only a moment before he followed James into the gloomy house, the door closing far quieter than it should have behind him. 

“Lumos,” James muttered, raising his wand as the tip shone bright, lighting up the dusty room. Regulus stared around the neglected room, taking in the peeling wallpaper and broken furniture. He looked down at a broken chair leg by his feet. It had strange indents in it all the way down, and it looked like some of the wood had been stripped away. It clicked what this place had been used for when he saw the odd grooves in the floorboards that continued up the walls. 

“Please tell me this isn’t where they put Remus when he was at school?” He asked, knowing the answer. James just nodded, swallowing thickly. 

“We managed to get him out into the forest for his last few years. That’s why we’re all animagi. We figured out how to do it in fifth year. Before that, he’d just attack himself. That’s why he has so many scars.” James pointed out some long dried brown stains and patches of dust-clung silvery fur. “It was incredibly reckless, and we were total idiots for even attempting it, but it’s what was best for Remus. If we hadn’t done it, I hate to think what he would have been like.” 

"Wait, you're animagi?!" Regulus questioned, his brows shooting up his head. James nodded. 

"Er, yeah, sorry I thought you knew," 

"What are you?" Regulus whispered. 

"A stag," James smiled widely. Just like his patronus, Regulus thought.

James led him to a door on the other side of the room. Behind it was a tunnel carved right into the earth leading away from the shack. Regulus was happy to leave that sorry little house, he could almost feel the misery there, not unlike Grimmauld Place. 

He had to stoop low to get through the tunnel. James was almost on his hands and knees, he was so tall. It took them a while to get to the end of it where it opened up again for them to stand. Above his head was a narrow opening, letting in the pale moonlight from above. The moon was half full already. Where had the time gone? Soon, Sirius, Remus and the rest of the pack would be turning into deadly werewolves. He and James would have to leave the camp. He realised it wouldn’t be safe for them, well him, as he couldn’t turn into an animal at will. He found he hated the idea of James in his animal form surrounded by those twenty wolves. Maybe they could hide away in Potter Manor for the night. He could cuddle up with James again, just the two of them. 

“Love?” James squeezed his shoulder gently, bringing him back to the present. 

“Sorry, did you say something?” He apologised, giving his full attention to James now. He realised that James must have been calling him for a while before he found him, as he, of course, was invisible.“Yes,” James chuckled quietly. “I’ll go up and freeze the tree, and you follow once I’m out. It’ll be safer if you don’t talk once we’re up, just in case.” James then scrambled up the side of the wall, using protruding tree roots as hand and footholds, and disappeared. Regulus took the same path as James did, finding it a lot harder than James made it look, especially under the cloak. 

When he finally emerged, he gasped when he took in which tree James had been on about. He’d thought it sounded weird when James had said about freezing the tree. The whomping willow towered above them, its usually flailing branches were completely still. James turned away from it and began to walk towards the castle, faintly glowing in the distance. Regulus looked up at it and felt nothing. This was the place that had managed to snatch his brother away from him, and he’d never forgive it for all the time they’d lost being at each other’s throats because some mouldy old hat had split them up and put them as far away from each other as the castle could manage. He spat on the floor glaring up at the pale stone walls, vowing after tonight he’d never step foot in it again.  

Next part

[bambi-kinos]

loved ur recent post on paul whump !! besides the linked one(which I've never read so thanks!) do you have👀👀 any recommendations👀👀👀👀

tl;dr - it's slim pickins out there.

First let's bring back an old differentiation: there's physical whump and then emotional whump, and that was an important distinction back in the day. I have looked for both and while there are some good emotional whump pieces, there is no readable physical whump besides the su!c!d3 fic. Physical whump is more of an action movie thing and in general Beatles fandom is not terribly interested in action and adventure so they don't write it. And the thing is, that's fine, that's a valid choice that anyone can make and we should write about the things we enjoy and not what we think others expect. But it also means that Paul whump fics basically don't exist in modern fandom as we know it. There are probably some on LJ or in the Google Docs McLennon archive since Stargate and Smallville were so big on LJ at the time and there was more x-fandom pollination but I don't want to Snipe hunt right now.

(For the record, I do have something in the works to fix this hole but it won't come out until next year if we're lucky.)

Emotional whump is more plentiful and there's well written stuff out there for sure. Most of the emotional whump I've enjoyed is centered around John's suffering and while Paul's misery is apparent it's not the focus of those pieces. So this took some digging into my bookmarks and memory. What I like in a good Paul whump fic is how his own arrogance and narcissist tendencies come back to bite him OR he's having to put up with John's shit when John is being horrible.

In that spirit, here are my recommendations for decent emotional whump focused on Paul:

Barcelona - Selena. I enjoy this one because Selena let's Paul be a whole person here. It's not just John and Brian bothering him, it's the fact that he's trapped with someone who reminds him of what he's lacking and how this hurts him, both now and in the past. Parallels to the Barcelona situation are subtle and well drawn so you get all of the agony without being hit over the head with it. John is opaque to Paul who doesn't understand why he's acting like this which is a nice change from what we often see in fanfic where John just blurts out what he's feeling. Here we see how much Paul suffers when John is trying too hard to be clever.

A Hole in the World - RosalindBeatrice. Linda bears witness to the aftermath of John's murder in Paul. Easily the absolute best fanfiction on this list.

Birthday - Selene. Love this one because Selene writes Paul as an actual character instead of the heteronormative girly thing he often gets slapped with. Paul is once again bitter, angry and unhappy because the boy he fell in love with has already disappeared. He is forced to be the adult in a room full of manchildren and he hates it...but he also sucks it up and does it anyway. Because he is Paul McCartney and being the foundation of The Beatles and cleaning up John's messes is exactly what he signed up for and he will do it because no one else can. I think of this one all the time. It lives rent free in my head.

Red Sky - thinkpink20. What I appreciate about thinkpink20 is that she is brave enough to let John be absolutely awful but she also humanizes him so you can see his inner pain and confusion driving that horribleness. This is a nice one where John is no where near to figuring himself out but Paul is, and then when Stuart's living shadow gets into the mix, no one is happy.

From Barcelona To Santa Cruz - thinkpink20. Another post-Spain fic but this time John articulates his defense well which of course humiliates and angers Paul even further because John proves he is human and capable of empathy, which Paul didn't want to write into the equation.

the crane wife - mynamesbetty. Betty was showing me the first drafts of this one and all I could say was: "Paul is a horrible person. He's a fucking homewrecker. He deserves this." That's what I like best about this story. Paul is a selfish asshole and he hurts everyone and himself by being self centered, petulant, and cowardly. Every single awful thing that happens to him is strictly the result of his own actions. He manages to make himself the Coyote in a Looney Tunes cartoon including the bit where he runs straight off the cliff, doesn't realize it, and then looks down just as he starts falling before he shoots the viewer a look asking for help. And then the ACME anvil falls on him.

So those are my recommendations on Paul whump. It ended up being a longer list than I expected so that's something. Hope you enjoy the recommendations and please check out the other fanfics by these authors, they're all great.

[unavoidedbyme]

When the READER becomes the witness instead of BASIL

this happens when SUNNY pushes MARI down the stairs, but instead of BASIL

it was YOU who became their witness. What would YOU do?

doing the same thing as BASIL does? or the other way around like a normal person does.

who knows, it might save SUNNY’s sister from the inevitable fate she has.

tw(s): death, frame of su1c1d3

The recital was today, yet SUNNY felt tired. He was tired from all of these practices. His finger aches from the countless practices, even some of it starts to bleed eventually. But why? why is his sister shouting at him when he already tried his best? MARI’s figure could be seen through SUNNY’s eyes. Face that was once full of adoration suddenly fade away in an instant once the girl sees her brother’s violin scattered across the ground. Her white dress flows from the movement of her own, while the boy was trying to keep his composure—MARI suddenly grab his hands.

“Where do you think you’re goi—“

it all happened so quickly—SUNNY; who was scared suddenly pushed her away. Afraid of what she’s going to do with him. But it doesn’t matter now, MARI’s voice was cut short and replaced by a shocked but also terrified expression. Her hands who was trying to grab onto the railings has no use, she has completely missed it and was now falling for what feels like endlessly onto the floor. The back of her head hits hard on the ground and some of her hair even got stuck into the violin’s strings.

SUNNY was PETRIFIED. He’s unable to process the thing that has just happened, it all went too fast for him. Too fast for him to save his sister. His terrified face looking everywhere except from the figure laying down below, until he spot a familiar figure just across the room. It was his bestfriend, his light, the helper who had helped him thousands of times after his sister, and that bestfriend was YOU.

YOU saw what he has done. YOU saw everything. You were just trying to check on the siblings before their recital, thinking that everything was fine—YOU walked into their house without a care in the world, only to find MARI’s voice shouting at something, or someone. Her voice was so full of emotions but mostly on the bad emotions, she was clearly upset but to who? once YOU take a closer look it was your bestfriend who she was shouting at. It was a new sight for YOU, for both YOU and SUNNY.

MARI wasn’t the type to go all shouts and that crazy stuff, unless she got REALLY upset. Which is why she was shouting at her brother in the first place. YOU were confused and mostly scared at the same time, looking down to the ground only to find SUNNY’s violin scattered and broken on the floor. Now YOU understand why she was so angry at him, the violin was a gift from them. It was so expensive that you all need to spend all of your money together to buy him the violin. But that doesn’t justify the reason why MARI was saying those hurtful things to him, he is her brother for god sake! those things weren’t necessary.

and then you saw it. The moment YOU blinked your eyes she was already lying on the floor. Her beautiful black hair got tangled with the violin’s strings, YOU looked at SUNNY who was unable to move; his eyes focusing on YOU. His bestfriend, surely YOU knew on how to handle these things..right?

IF YOU CHOOSE TO HUNG HER

SUNNY’s footsteps could be heard, dashing towards his sister’s figure with teary eyes. How sad they were, his eyes full of regrets and misery looking at his half-dead sister. But now those eyes were looking at YOU, expecting for a solution like how YOU always did in a tense situation such as this.

“P-please… [name], help me.”

your head couldn’t process anything, all you see was just static. Sweats started to form on the back of your head, your body felt so weak at sight of SUNNY holding MARI for dear life. All you could think is that if you tell your friends the truth they’re all gonna hate you. They’re all gonna hate HIM, your bestfriend.

you..you couldn’t let them hurt him. No, all of this could be prevented.. by framing her death. Yes, this is a perfect solution for this situation. Nobody from the group would expect that SUNNY—no SOMETHING behind SUNNY killed MARI. They would think that this is all her doing. They wouldn’t hate YOU nor SUNNY, it wasn’t SUNNY’s fault so why would they hate him?

“SUNNY… i know how to clean all of this mess.”

you started to look around like a madman looking for something that would hung her. And then you saw it, the jumping rope that you all had played before. Swallowing up your gut you quickly took the rope and look at SUNNY with serious eyes. He was taken aback, ofcourse he was but since it was his bestfriend he wouldn’t dare to go against their words.

You begin to tie the knots, while SUNNY was hiding his violin inside the toy box, locking it away so it could never be found. Once you finally finished tie-ing the knots you begin to put it around MARI’s neck feeling dread spreading over your body once you saw her face. Her face was really pale, you couldn’t even look at her properly and until then the two of you left her, leaving her behind all by herself on that tree..

IF YOU CHOOSE TO CALL THE AMBULANCE

It all happened so fast, SUNNY’s footsteps could be heard and it was coming closer and closer towards YOU. You didn’t care for anything at this moment, all you need to do is grab the telephone right on the left of this room and call 911.

YOU could feel SUNNY’s body press against yours as he was holding onto YOU for his dear life, begging to not tell anyone about this. YOU saw the desperation from his eyes but you couldn’t care less, all you have to do right now is save MARI and call the ambulance.

You rushed to the left side of the room and begin to contact 911–SUNNY following up behind you while looking terrified at MARI. Once the 911 pick the call out your voice was trembling while you started to explain things to them, the ambulance already on their way to save MARI. They want you to not hang up from them, while you were still holding the telephone you could hear sirens from outside this house.

The staffs began to take MARI’s body inside the ambulance, and then it sets off to a nearby hospital outside FARAWAY TOWN. Your friends saw the commotion outside SUNNY’s house and once the ambulance left they’re all frantically begin to run to his house. Only to find YOU comforting and hugging SUNNY close to your chest, YOU look at the group—look of despair could be seen from your face.

“It was an accident…i’ve seen it all. We’re sorry.”

HERO couldn’t hold back his tears, AUBREY and KEL instantly dash towards the two of you; hugging YOU and SUNNY in an effort to calm down the two witnesses. BASIL was just comforting HERO while HERO’s body felt like he was about to pass out.

a/n: woohoo i finished this! also what do you think about making a part two about the aftermath of this? i think i have the perfect thing for it.

[askmemenoquestions]

Slay the Princess Starter Sentences

*Contains spoilers

"You have a job to do here. Just get in there and do what needs to be done."

"While I appreciate the mental exercise, we are running up against a bit of a ticking clock."

"It's no use arguing semantics over a metaphorical chicken-or-egg, because the egg is hatched and it's about to ruin everything."

"If anything, slaying a princess is better than slaying a seamstress. Seamstresses contribute something of value to society."

"You're playing a dangerous game by coming here unarmed."

"We could have gotten out of here together. Were you just lying to me this whole time?"

"If I have to kill you, I'll kill you. Do you think I need both of my arms to do that?"

"This vessel is full of you. I need something empty I can crawl inside of. I need something shaped like me."

"This world is broken beyond repair. We must weave something new."

"Do you want to linger here, entwined with a creature you taught to hate you forever? Eternity never ends."

"You shouldn't have let that fear creep into your heart. You had the upper hand, and now look at you."

"Don't think that just because I'm the one in chains it means you have a right to interrogate me."

"You poor thing. I'll go ahead and put you out of your misery."

"This was fun. You put up more of a fight than I thought you would."

"You have made a decision. It is the wrong one. I love you."

"Please, shake yourself out of it. We have to get out of here."

"No... this is the beginning of eternity. Your reward."

"And then you locked us away in an empty void for eternity."

"Like I've been saying. She's dead. We killed her already."

"Why are you even here? Just making sure you finished the job or what?"

"I was willing to ignore everything you did to me so we could get out of here. Together."

"But I guess violence is the only language you speak."

"On second thought, let's not kill him. Let's throw him someplace that never ends. I'd like to see what that does to him."

"You are familiar, but you are not me. I feel sadness, longing, hope as I witness you."

"I'm sorry. There are some changes that can never be undone, there are some tears that can never be unshed."

"I have not lived. I am not afraid to die."

"If you need time, then I'll wait with you."

"What textures will you weave for yourself to occupy forever? Will you place 'You' and 'I' into a box for safekeeping?"

"I will be here waiting by your side until you're ready to return to mine."

"She asks that I tell you to remember her. You won't."

"You've made a terrible enemy, and there's nothing in the world that can possibly save you from me."

"After all this time alone, I thought I'd finally found a friend. But you were just another monster, weren't you?"

"I know who you are, and I remember what you've done."

"We don't have to make things better. We can't make things better."

"We're just meant to chase each other in the dark until one of us catches the other."

"I'm glad to die horribly if it means you die with me. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"The thing that sits beyond our edge speaks his logic into us. He tries to grasp at things that cannot be grasped."

"It was a fitting end. I'm sorry if it hurt. But doesn't this make it all seem so small?"

"Whenever you are ready, I will wipe your slate clean once again."

"Words are... difficult for me. They never fully weave what I wish to say."

"There is nowhere for you to be but here."

"You have already committed to my completion. You cannot go further astray."

"What you're seeing here is obviously real. Just accept it and go with the flow."

"You are like me, even if you have chosen not to look at the corners of you that do not fit, even if you have chosen to ignore the brilliant contours of your soul."

"The desires of my multitudes thrive in endless competition with themselves, but none of them rise above their dance to influence me."

"You've brought that knife again, even though you know it's useless. Such charming audacity."

"Oh? Are you still trying to defy me? I. Said. Kneel."

"What a pitiful display. A wounded little bird thinking it can defy a god."

"Was severing the tendons of my ascension not enough for you? Was it not enough to rend my divine heart?"

"I hope you weren't planning on dying. We're going to make this last forever."

"These gifts are a conversation, and each one shows me the contours of your heart."

"I'm going to have fun breaking you into little pieces."

"You and I are always going to end in violence, so why bother to run?"

"I never wanted to fight you. So how do we leave?"

[edenesth]

Undying Bonds (Part 8)

Pairing: Hongjoong x fem!reader, Seonghwa x fem!reader

AU: zombie apocalypse au

Word Count: 4k

Summary: What could be worse than being separated from the love of your life in a zombie apocalypse? Hongjoong was forced to leave you behind with his friend, Seonghwa, as he ventures out alone to search for the rest of his missing group members. Will Hongjoong be successful in his solo mission to find his members? Will he be able to return to you unscathed? And what happens when you're stuck with his caring best friend, who is hopelessly in love with you, for too long?

Part 7 | Masterlist | Part 9

After the tearful reunion, Jongho did his absolute best to calm the internal fury brewing within him when he learned of how Seonghwa obtained his injury and almost died in the process. He was just thankful that his friend was alright because lord knows what he would have done if Seonghwa really were to lose his life out there.

Because of that, he was once again reminded of his side of the deal with Stray Kids, he would be required to take part in such monstrous activities which included taking innocent lives now that he was part of the gang.

The struggle sure is real because it was either those victims or his friends, he wished he could say it was a no-brainer but he wouldn't be feeling so unsettled if this was such an easy decision to make.

Now more than ever, Jongho wished Hongjoong was around because the captain would have known exactly what to do.

The thought of his group leader immediately made him ask you where the rest were. It didn't comfort him one bit to know that half of the group was still out there somewhere, that meant he would really need Chan's help in retrieving his other friends and it bothered him to no end because he hated feeling like he owed these people.

The last thing he wanted was for Chan to potentially use any of these favours as leverage in the future to demand more from him.

He wouldn't have feared this much if he didn't have so much to lose but he had the safety of all his friends to take into consideration. There was too much at stake that he cannot afford to freely be his usual fearless and reckless self when it comes down to making decisions or taking actions that involved any of you.

Despite his reluctance to receive assistance from Stray Kids, Chan was already a step ahead of him and had sent some of his men out to locate the rest of your group.

The leader knows Jongho can never fully commit himself to the gang so long as his missing group members remain stranded wherever they were, which explains why he was so determined to gather all of Jongho's friends soonest possible and to have them all tucked safely back in the SKZ Headquarters.

That way, they'll have Jongho's full attention and finally be able to get some real work done.

Jongho was just glad to have Seonghwa with him now, he was the eldest member of their group after all and he could also be considered the advisor to their captain, so at least Jongho wouldn't have to carry too much mental burden all by himself.

He knows he has you too, you were always the wise elder sister they could all rely on or go to back when things were still normal but with the way things are now, the boys have all become even more protective of you.

Especially without Hongjoong by your side now, even the blind could see the misery in your eyes.

But what made Jongho truly admire you was that you try your hardest not to let those emotions consume your being and instead, you put all that aside and focus on caring for your friends the best that you could. That just makes him all the more overprotective around you, not only for Hongjoong's sake but also for all of their own. You have long been part of the family and not even one of them could imagine life without you around.

Jongho knows for a fact that if the world was still the way it was before, perhaps the captain would have already proposed to you by now.

The youngest recalled looking around the dorm one day about several months back in search of his missing game console that Wooyoung had borrowed from him but did not bother to return. It was then that he discovered the delicate box of engagement ring sitting on Hongjoong's desk, placed right in front of a beautifully framed photo of the couple.

He remembered cheering and thinking to himself that it was about damn time the dude finally proposed. He'd grin knowingly at the captain whenever they made eye contact since then, causing the elder to raise a brow in confusion every single time.

The youngest had waited patiently for the proposal to happen but all that anticipation went down the drain when the world was later overtaken by the outbreak of the zombie virus. Jongho often wonders to himself if Hongjoong still had the ring with him.

He sighed deeply to himself before looking up to find Felix lingering by the entrance anxiously, "Sit your ass down, Felix. They're not coming," His words made the boy freeze, "What do you mean they're not? Did you… hurt them?"

Jongho rolled his eyes, "I know I'm capable but I don't think I'm good enough to take down the whole of Stray Kids by myself, sheesh." Seonghwa and Mingi shot up from their seats at the mention of the notorious gang coming out of their friend's mouth.

"Stray Kids? Isn't that the gang that preys on and does horrendous things to innocent survivors?" You wondered aloud, your words piercing Jeongin's heart as he hung his head low in shame.

He hated that you were right, that was exactly what they do.

Felix scoffed loudly, "Innocent? Please, don't make me laugh. Nobody's really innocent in this world, stop acting like you don't all have selfish greed and desires too. Just because you haven't acted on any of them, doesn't mean there isn't already evil in you."

Your face fell at his complete change in demeanour, it was like looking at a whole new person.

Not like you know Felix long enough to understand the kind of person he really was but you supposed he put a lot of work into all that acting from before, "You think Stray Kids are horrible? Well, what's so wrong about us staying true to ourselves about who we are, we don't do any of this pretentious shit because it's useless. Just look at you lot, where has any of that selflessness gotten you?"

None of you bothered to respond to any of his messed-up philosophies, his brain has been completely washed at this point and he'd likely brush off any counterarguments you can produce. You had no doubt that he's heard enough about how twisted their beliefs were anyway, so you only focused on registering the fact that he had just admitted to being a member of Stray Kids.

With this information, you were all finally able to piece things together bit by bit and conclude that Felix and Jeongin were only carrying out their mission this whole time and you were the gang's latest targets. Your stomach dropped as you stared at the two in disappointment, Felix crossed his arms with attitude while Jeongin curled into himself remorsefully.

You reasoned with yourself when you saw how much the situation was affecting the youngest member of the gang.

Perhaps he was forced into this and had absolutely no choice but to comply? If Stray Kids could be so heartless to others, perhaps they can be just as heartless when it comes to members of their own? He did look extremely unwilling and guilt-ridden all throughout his stay here, you believed those were his genuine emotions because if it were all only an act, he would have dropped it the same way his elder counterpart did by now.

Jeongin avoided making eye contact with you at all costs and when you tried to go to him, Seonghwa stopped you by grasping your wrist gently. His touch brings you an immediate sense of comfort as it always did but you enclosed your fingers over his to try and pry them off of you.

"Don't, I know you feel sorry for him but that doesn't change the fact that he was indeed a part of this scheme to get us," You bit your lip in frustration and he caressed your skin softly with his thumb, "Just… stay with me, please?" His plea came out in a small whisper and you softened, nodding before moving to fix his wound dressing as a form of distraction.

Mingi shook his head in disbelief, scowling at the freckled boy, "I knew it, I figured you were up to no good," Seonghwa rubbed his temples tiredly, "Okay but how do you know each other and what do you have to do with these people, Jongho-yah?"

The youngest visibly gulped, he took in a deep breath to prepare himself because he knows his friends were not going to be even the slightest bit happy with what they were about to hear, especially since you literally just expressed your distaste for the gang.

Lord have mercy, Seonghwa hyung's going to kill me for this.

Staring blankly at the patch of earth where they had just buried the body of their dearest friend, the weight of grief bore down on Hongjoong like an insurmountable burden and it left him emotionally paralysed.

With tear-stained cheeks and a trembling heart, he felt a void deep within his soul, a void that once held the essence of Choi San. The pain was palpable, a visceral ache that seemed to emanate from every fibre of his being.

His eyes were red and swollen, haunted by the final memory of himself putting a bullet through his friend's head just as San had pleaded so desperately as his last wish. And who was Hongjoong to deny the boy of that wish? As the captain, he had already failed his group members by not being able to protect them well.

Fulfilling poor San's final request was the least he could do, as much as it kills him to be the one to put an end to his friend's life.

The group leader didn't have to look behind him to see the rest of his friends crumbling in agony as well. The simple thought of San's absence was enough to trigger an overwhelming wave of anguish, reducing them to a state of helplessness.

They clung to whatever remnants of him remained, which was his wallet that held an old group photo of them and a friendship keychain that they all got together, hoping to somehow hold onto his presence.

Wooyoung felt his chest tightening with each laboured breath as if the act of breathing had become a challenge too difficult to bear. The world around him seemed to blur, as grief clouded his senses and drowned him in a sea of sorrow. He had just lost his best friend and soulmate; he's lost San forever.

He broke down all over again when Yunho and Yeosang both wrapped their arms around him from his sides, crying just as hard, the pain they felt didn't seem like it would be subsiding anytime soon.

Yeosang found himself caught in a cycle of memories, replaying precious moments they all spent together with San like a heart-wrenching film. The laughter, the conversations, the shared dreams—all now etched in his mind like a bittersweet melody that refused to fade away. His emotions oscillated between overwhelming sadness and a sense of numbness, as grief also had the power to numb his senses to the world.

Yunho supposed a part of him felt relieved that San was now in a better place, away from all this nightmare that was their reality. Especially since he had spent the most time with his late friend before he left them for good, he knew better than anyone how the zombie apocalypse had changed San as a person.

Ever since the beginning of this virus spreading, the poor boy had not spent even one second without having crippling anxiety consume his entire being.

You don't have to be afraid anymore, Sannie. Rest well and watch over us from wherever you are, yeah?

The four of them stayed there for what felt like eternity, it wasn't until the sun had risen fully and was now shining at its brightest to signal it was afternoon that they realised how much time had passed.

Even then, they had no intentions of leaving San's side just yet. They wanted to keep him company for as long as they could for now, the guilt of him having to suffer and go through his last moments alone eating them all alive.

Hongjoong has never needed you by his side more, he prayed to all the gods there ever existed that you were still safe and sound where he left you.

Losing San made him realise how much he had regretted going away from you because lord knows how much time any of you would have left in this world. He learned how unpredictable things can be and how fast things can change for the worst, he should have just brought you and Seonghwa along on this trip.

If anything were to happen to either of you while he was away, he would never forgive himself for it.

Thumbing the diamond ring that he kept securely in his pocket, he squeezed his eyes shut in sorrow. He was this close to proposing to you if only none of this had happened.

Hongjoong remembered holding you close to him one morning as you slept soundly against his chest, planning out the proposal in his mind, feeling like his happily ever after was just right there in front of him. If only he had known how things would turn out, he wouldn't have hesitated to ask you there and then to marry him.

Then San would have at least been around for the joyous occasion, they could have all celebrated together for one last time before the whole world went to absolute shit.

If only… except none of that was ever going to happen now. There was no more San, no more proposal, no more happily ever after.

Not in this life.

Not ever.

Things will never be the same after this.

An unknown gruff voice sounding across the school field immediately sends all their heads snapping up, "Don't mean to interrupt but which one of you here is Kim Hongjoong?"

The guys squinted to zero in on the two figures standing quite a distance from them, eyes narrowing and expressions darkening one by one when they spot the 'SKZ' tattoos on the two strangers' arms.

"Depends on who's asking." Hongjoong sneered, there goes all his efforts of trying to avoid these guys. He was just baffled by the fact that they were specifically looking for him. The only connection to them that he could think of at the moment was Soyeon.

How'd they even know me at all? Did she betray us?

The shorter but more muscled member of the two huffed in annoyance, "I'm Changbin and this is Hyunjin, if you must know. Choi Jongho sent us for you. The name ringing any bells?"

All four of them straightened up and froze at the name of their youngest coming from a Stray Kids member's mouth.

Well shit, this can't be good.

Felix's outrage was quite evident as he listened to Jongho tell his story. He couldn't believe this, he had dreaded this the moment Chan spoke of the new survivor they'd been trying so hard to recruit.

Jongho elaborated from A to Z, doing his best to not leave out even the smallest details. He would need all the guidance he can get from Seonghwa. In order to do so, the eldest would have to be able to fully envision himself in the youngest's shoes all throughout his journey of finding his way back to them.

To his surprise, Seonghwa was not at all displeased with the truth.

In fact, Seonghwa was rather proud of Jongho because he thinks he personally would have done the same thing, he'd leave worrying about the repercussions to a later time once they are all reunited.

Things would definitely be different with their captain back to lead the group but they'd have to do anything they could at the moment in order to survive until that happens. After all, if it weren't for Jongho's excellent decision-making, they would not have been safe from Stray Kids' ambush now.

Mingi didn't know how to feel about his youngest friend now becoming a part of the gang they all hated so much but eventually decided all that mattered now to him was Seonghwa's approval.

If the eldest was pleased with how things turned out, he supposed they must be on the right track at least. For now, they only needed to hold out until Hongjoong comes back with the rest and he hopes that would be soon because he didn't want to spend another moment longer away from his friends.

In the meantime, you were still trying to wrap your head around the idea of the physically enhanced super zombies that these people used as weapons to eliminate targets. You recalled the utter shock and disgust on Mingi's face at the revelation of such inhumane tactics, you shared the same sentiments.

So this was the unusual creature that almost took Seonghwa's life, you knew something wasn't right then but you didn't think two harmless-looking kids like Felix and Jeongin could be involved in such sick and perverse doings.

It terrified you to think what else they were capable of, you now fully understood why trust was such a sacred thing and you were silly enough to have fallen right into their trap that easily.

The thought of nearly losing Seonghwa once again made you gaze up at him and as if feeling your eyes on him, he stared back into your eyes to smile softly at you. At that moment, a familiar warm feeling courses through you, one you've only ever experienced when you were with Hongjoong.

You momentarily panicked because no, you weren't meant to feel this way about anyone else other than your boyfriend.

Seonghwa noticed the troubled look on your face and covered your hands with his larger one to ease your worries but you straightened quickly when he swayed slightly in drowsiness, you realise the wound must be draining him.

"Hwa, you need rest." Just as he opened his mouth to protest, you pressed your pointer finger against his lips and effectively shut him up with the touch.

His cheeks burned up at your action, "Your bandage needs changing too. Not another word from you, let's go." He relented and let you help him up, basking in the warmth of your hold. You informed Mingi and Jongho that you were taking the patient back to his makeshift bed and they offered to assist you but you assured them you'd be fine.

From the corner of your eyes, you think you see Jeongin holding himself back from coming to you.

While Felix was too caught up in his own rage, the revelation put Jeongin at ease and he finally dared to spare a glance your way. If what Jongho said was true, that would mean that you were now under the protection of Stray Kids and you'd no longer be a target of theirs. Maybe then, just maybe, he'll have a tiny chance at receiving some of the love you all shared too.

Jeongin's eyes trailed longingly after your retreating frame as you helped a now exhausted Seonghwa into the back room.

Mingi could sense the burning glare that Felix was directing at his younger friend who was supposed to be their newest gang member, "Man, I can't believe I actually got fooled by those two. Because of my dumb decision, Seonghwa hyung got hurt."

Jongho shook his head, patting the tall male on his shoulder, "Hyung, stop blaming yourself for that. What's done is done, let's just be grateful that Seonghwa hyung's still alive and fine."

Felix smirked hatefully, "At least you know you're dumb, I guess that's one redeeming point for you," Mingi squared his shoulders and shot daggers back at the gang member, "Say that again, I dare you."

Jeongin winced when Felix shot up angrily from his seat while Jongho moved quickly to hold his friend back before a fight could break out between the two.

"I swear to god, Felix. Will you stop embarrassing us already?"

Felix and Jeongin stilled at the sound of the voice they didn't think they'd be hearing so soon.

Minho hyung.

The right-hand man to Stray Kids' leader stood bored by the store entrance, the door now wide open and the broken lock juggled effortlessly in his hands.

Mingi's jaws dropped at the stranger's sudden appearance, this man had managed to pick the lock and enter so stealthily that none of them even noticed. The dude could straight up be a spy with those skills, he wondered for a moment what they even saw in his younger friend if they were already this good.

The leader of Stray Kids eventually made his appearance as well, grinning wittingly at Jongho, "I hope you're not regretting your decision to join us yet because good news, we've found your group leader and the rest of your friends."

Mingi couldn't hold in his delight at that, beaming widely in an instant while Jongho nodded stoically at Chan, "Thank you, hyung-nim," Felix clenched his fists bitterly at the exchange, "Come now, let's all pack up and head back to HQ. Changbin and Hyunjin will bring your friends there."

Mingi couldn't believe himself but he was actually pretty psyched to be able to see the famous Stray Kids headquarters in person.

Despite their hatred for the gang, it didn't change the fact that the gang was somewhat like a living legend to the remaining survivors and the rumours often tell people that where they resided could be equivalent to a royal palace back in the pre-apocalyptic world.

At the authoritative command, nobody dared to speak a word against him and only obeyed, not even Mingi who was a non-member.

Once you were certain that Seonghwa was asleep, you tucked the blankets around him securely, "Get well soon, Hwa. We all need you, I... need you too." You mumbled softly, leaving a small peck on his head before moving to leave the room as soundlessly as you could.

Furrowing your brows in question, you were confused to see the guys moving busily around to pack things up, "Guys? What's going on?"

Jongho held himself back, clenching his fists tightly while Mingi watched on cautiously when Chan approached you slowly in awe, "Hi there, pretty lady. I'm the boss of Stray Kids. My name's Bang Chan, lovely to make your acquaintance."

Ah, so this is the maniac who formed the gang.

You fought to hide your distaste for him because the last thing you wanted to do was to piss him off. Lord knows what he'd do to you or your friends, you supposed you'd just have to play along for now.

Chan waited expectantly as you stared at his outstretched hand that was there for you to take while he smirked flirtatiously at you.

Your eye twitched uncomfortably at the familiarity of his voice and that distinctive eye smile. You blinked slowly and placed your hand unsurely into his, racking your brain to try and figure out where you'd seen him before. His smug grin widened when he assumed you were shy and that's when it hit you.

Wait a second, I'd recognise that gummy smile anywhere.

"Ch-Christopher..? Is that you?"

His eyes rounded in shock and you watched as the smile begin to slip off his face at the name he no longer used.

Chan felt his heart thud loudly against his chest for the first time in forever when he scanned your face more carefully this time, all the emotions he's kept buried for so long now spilling out all at once. His hold on your hand immediately tightens.

He felt all the air knocked out of his lungs as he choked out your name breathlessly in recognition.

"It's you."

Thank you all for reading as always and don't be shy to let me know what you think of this part!

Tag list: @aurasblue @tmtxtf @park-simphwa

All Rights Reserved © edenesth // DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

[ghostofasecretary]

i've gotta get back aboard the Wanting Things train soon and i fucking do not waaaaant to doooo thaaaaaaaaat :(

i feel like kicking my legs and fists into the bed in classic tantrum mode actually!!

i want to do the work, just please let me do the woooooork without all the Bull Shit (application fees, separate funding applications, talking to people)

i'm so scared of getting another interview and bombing it

and it's not that i'm not better at some stuff than i was in my first round of PhD apps, but i've been Out Of It for a while and also i didn't get to DO an MA because of MONEY, my BELOATHED

so i feel out of the academic loop and behind and ashamed of turning in papers i wrote 3 years ago like "i promise i still have ~potential~"

and it's. embarassing? which feels very silly. life doesn't go according to plan! every reasonable person knows that! but it still feels like not being where i want to be is a stain on me and a reflection of my, like, poor planning and misplaced optimism

(and i was mostly just following the advice i was given by my mentors! so! what the fuck!)

i am really so profoundly sad i'm not doing an MA right now and it also feels like i don't have time to be sad, like, i have to get a job and go apply for grad school and that's enough energy already

but i am. really sad. i'm good at the very narrow world of being in classes and reading classical languages and writing papers! i miss that world!! it makes me mentally ill in a way that feels virtuous and worthwhile as opposed to my default state of mentally ill, where i worry about all the same things with no basis and no relief valve

and it would be super cool if applications were a one and done deal but they sure are not, because they all have different timelines on getting back to you and also some of them have Interviews (My Beloathed) and waitlists and, again, separate funding whatever

and waiting to hear if people liked you(r application) is AWFUL, it's like if the worst parts of dating (asking someone out and breaking up) keep happening for MONTHS because your (potential) partner is on the goddamn moon or something

oh and also you're asking a bunch of random adults who vaguely like you to advertise your character and accomplishments for you. as that's going on.

i wish things had worked out for me the way 2/3 recommenders were so confident they would, where i'd just...have gone straight from undergrad to a PhD and then a teaching job and been great at it forever with no problems

and they didn't! and it's not my fault they didn't, but oh boy did i feel like that

and then proceed to never ever address that feeling because. uh. Why Would I Do That

instead, like, almost all of my nuclear family members had health crises at the same time and then i started my first full time job and then i got discriminated against at my job and then my grandparents BOTH got cancer and then i got a lawyer involved and then i quit my job in one of the worst mental states i've ever been in

and then i haunted my own life for a bit. and applied for grad schools, which went fine aside from the funding. and that ate months

(and i took a class, and i learned how to do stuff i've wanted to do since i was 12, but that's not relevant to the misery narrative)

and then i gave up on grad school this cycle and got a shitty job and saved money and moved. and here i am! ready to faceplant on the treadmill of wanting things, yet again!

and like. even if i get what i want right now i could still fail out. i could still fuck up. i could find that actually i hate teaching (despite liking it in the contexts i've already done it). my health could fail catastrophically. or, y'know, the job market is garbage and maybe in 4-7 years i'll be applying for jobs everyone thinks i'll get that i do not get, and i have to figure something else out AGAIN because i didn't get what i wanted, again

but if i never try i'll never know.

and there is a chance--a tiny, tiny, absurdly small chance--that in a decade i'll have some nice publications and a dissertation other people liked and a teaching job and more friends and maybe some partners, maybe not, but people and the work i love doing.

and maybe if i believe in myself, if i suck it up and learn with humility and write with respect and passion and dare to be ambitious and kill my anxiety about looking stupid or saying the wrong thing to an Academic Contact and just treat older colleagues like people (more experienced, yes, cool as hell for sure, but just people), i'll get to have that future where things are hard but i'm making meaning and helping other people learn cool stuff too.

...choosing to chase that chance feels REALLY BAD, THOUGH

i'll fucking do it but gods above.

[newkatzkafe2023]

Genderbend Villainous Disney Princesses x reader

Chapter 2 The Mean Boys

It's an Arabian Night For the Prince or now Sultan Jasmir and for once it was quiet night in Arabah ever since he murdered jamar (fem Jafar) rejected Allie (fem Aladdin) and threw his own mother in a cell and took over the kingdom by force he was quite busy taking money from the rich, Striking fear into his Citizens and Crushing rebellions. Their has been no time for him to relax in any way not to mention their's been a very personal issue for him. It was very late night in Arabah as A shirtless Jasmir sat in his bed. It was dead silent, as he told a servant open a window and finally he sat.....waiting.

In a icy castle somewhere far else from Arabah in the cold North mountains from Arendelle there live Elson. A Mentally ill King who lived in isolation his only company being the voices in his head, but their was a voice in particular who stood out to him the most kindest gentlest voice he's ever heard who holds the same type of loneliness as him. Which is why he fines himself standing on his castles balcony he is waiting on something to.

In a Cave deep under the sea was a merman Siren who sat in the dark looking at a Cracked clock. The little mer-siren hybrid was named Adrian and let me tell you he is a bitter and hateful individual he fell in love with a human girl named Erica but she had shunned him for another man. He fell under usulus (male Ursula) curse for 3 years as he wasn't able to hold up his end of the contract. His mother of course freed her son but he had already embraced his darkness and planed to take his misery out on the stupid humans until he was interrupted by a pained voice from miles away. Which brought us here as Adrian sat on a large rock he had came out of the water still looking at the Cracked but working watch waiting.

In a tall Tower late at night their was a man with blonde but Incredibly long hair he stared hatefully at the outside world as he was betrayed but a girl called Fiona Ryder and with this thought his so called Father was right the outside world was no place for Rasputin. Though tonight was different, Rasputin stuck his head out the window you see he had been listening to a voice and this voice sounded as vulnerable and heartbroken as he is. the cold and cruel world broke another spirit. He was waiting to hear that voice again.

A Dark silent castle full of hideous and Cruel Creature and a feral dragon laid a dark Sorcerer called Auren he was a young prince who was cursed to sleep and hided away to keep him safe. He was lonely and bored and had secretly met maleficent and became close. Though Auren had fallen to the spell his new found father figure had broken the curse with paternal love But he was struck down and killed by queen stephanie his mother. Consumed with grief, he's soon a planned revenge against the kingdom For their unnecessary and ignorant hatred, he then went back to the castle to learn dark spells, And he soon came back to put his Kingdom to sleep. Tonight As usual, he heard a lonely and bored voice he's been hearing for years, he wondered what did they have to say this time.

Into the woods the was a large rebel miltia full of man and women. Some were training and sparing one another. Others did chores like gather water or sharpen weapons and on top of the hill was a young Chinese man named Minsheng was meditating. Minsheng ( voice of the people) was once a humbled soldier who took his father's place in the army against the Hans but he was rejected therefore his elderly father perished in the army along with millions of other soldiers he hated the government and the general Shan Lee (fem shang) whom he fell in love with. So ever since that terrible war he had been building an army to overthrow the emperor and the Chinese army but for tonight As he sat in the grass he was waiting and listening.

In a huge but quiet Castle in the underworld was a young king god. His blue hair swayed calmy in the air like a torch and his yellow eyes glowed like a tail light in the dark bedroom. This guy here is Melancton a young man who resented the gods and hates women and the concept of love. He was left behind by his ex girlfriend, enslaved by Heidi (fem hades) and left for dead by his new love Harley (fem Hercules) he has never let anyone else in his heart ever since and has built an army of human souls to overthrow and execute the gods and he was preparing until he heard a voice one night. This voice sounded so Tired, so Soft and so alone that the grief had made it way to his underworld kingdom Melancton has heard this voice since he killed Heidi and he's waiting to hear that same voice again.

In Dark abandoned looking castle was a king he was known to be the fairest of them all a young man with the face of a boy called Winter White who just finished yelling at his magic mirror. Winter White was betrayed by his step father and the princess whom married another. He became bitter and distrustful of the people around him. The reason for yelling at the talking mirror was because of a voice, a voice he's been hearing for a long time he demanded the mirror to show him were the voice is coming from but every time it showed the image was either blank of blurred out and that set him off. Winter White stormed into the highest part of the castle and look out the window and waited.

Out in the dark blue sea the was another man he was sailing his raft as fast as he can the man know as Moano was on a mission. The said mission is to find the voice that was calling out to him, the same way the water called out to him. Sense basically everyone in his tribe is dead he abandoned his original mission to return Te-Fiti's heart to him and left his lazy coward mother behind on her stupid safe island, he finally found time to find out where the voice is coming from. He continue to sail across the ocean to the location of the voice as he listened out for it again.

In a makeshift camp in the tallest mountains was a Columbian Teen he sat by the miracle Candle. He was hyper aware of his surroundings because Tonight he was listening all out. Using his cousin's old gift to hear miles away to locate the source of the voice he was hearing. This boy was Mateo Madrigal or well just Mateo now for he had disowned his last name. Mateo was mistreated for years by his own family because he didn't have what they had a gift and between being bad mouth by his tió Peper(male Pepa) teased by his cousin Diaz (male Dolores) hated and bullied by his oldest perfect brother Isidoro( male Isabella) and finally abused and disregarded by his grandfather Almo (Male Alma) Mateo had finally had enough especially when the went and did the same thing to his poor tiá Bruna(fem Bruno) or Bruha as they all called her. He finally made the family face themselves, stole the miracle and brought down the Madrigal house(literally). It's been a couple of months since then and that's when the voice called out to him he wonders where it is as he listened out for it.

Back to the icy town of Arendelle was the other now ice prince. All of Arendelle from buildings to its people were frozen in ice and the very cause of it was prince Andrew or Andy for short. After his older brother had a Accidentally froze his heart Andy had finally Felt free, to be Cruel and Threatening and Selfish and Overall genocidal After all that's what happened to all those people and to his old home. Though prince Andy had been distracted lately, the voice that his brother briefly told him about has been talking to him to. Of course Andy hated and resented Elson and never told him that he's been hearing this voice as well as a the blizzard roared on Andy had continued to listen for the voice

And Finally in Scotland Was a Man he had Fiery red hair and scars on his face. His shirtless form sat quietly in the throne room as he waited for something. This was king Merid who had turned his Father into a bear. All he wanted was to get out of an marriage his father had arranged for him and to change his father's mine. Merid had Tried to break the spell, but he was too late because his father had permanently become a bear and was soon slain by his own mother. Merid Was then forced back into the arranged marriage and made to pick a bride. He had gotten a fur coat from his father's corpse and killed his mother and the other Tribes. He forcefully took over the kingdom which brings us back to here. Merid stared at the moon the wisps have be Prophesizing to him about the voice he's been hearing and when he will hear from it again He sat in the thrown room and stared at the moon and listened.

All of the boys and men are waiting and wondering the same thing all together.

Are you going to call for me again?

WOW did that take some time anyway folks en hjoy chapter 2 the guys are going to meet you soon.

Ps I'm still waiting on those comments 😊

[triplexdoublex]

technically yes nobody can save you but I agree that hearing your fav saying that they’ve been through the same stuff that u have is very comforting especially when dealing with mental illness cause it can be a very isolating experience. But it is your choice and decision to get better, your fav person can show u that they also went to therapy and how it has helped them and that can influence you to go and try it out but that’s still up to u. With Kells I think he’s struggling a lot even if he tries not to show it to not worry us that much, and from what I’ve seen I don’t think he feels deserving of our love and devotion to him or that his mind wants to believe that we will turn on him and he’ll end up alone as he was most of his life. The line “who am I when the music stops” imo kind of shows that he’s scared all the love and support will leave when he’s not singing no more, and that maybe everyone who hated will come out in support of him only when he’s dead, cause that’s what’s happened to a lot of artists who have passed (like he mentioned in his line “thinkin maybe the hate’ll finally go away if I’m not alive”). He definitely knows we love him through the support we give him on music and project but I think he’s scared to even through music really be honest with us cause he’ll be scrutinised for it. He’s got so many eyes on him now and I think he’s scared to lose the fame and publicity he so badly wanted for so long. I believe with “don’t let me go” he even said that it was a song he usually wouldn’t put out if he had more time to sit on it or something. and I think that’s why he’s also holding onto Megan. She helped him get the fame he worked so hard for years to get, he finally got the recognition that he so badly fought for and I think if he loses her he's afraid he’ll also lose that part of fame and the awards and such, not saying he didn’t get awards before Megan but she definitely helped him get to another level of fame and publicity. And I think if he loses Megan he’ll be made fun of in the media. At the start everyone was so out of their minds on how a guy like him could get the world loved hottie Megan Fox and if it comes out saying that they aren’t together anymore, even tho all the people who saw the relationship as toxic or weird will be happy, he’ll still be laughed at for managing to lose the “most beautiful women”. Like they made fun of him after the em disses, he’ll also be made fun of if he loses Megan.

TW// Suicide ideation

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Yes technically you’re saving yourself by making the decisions needed to better your mental health but sometimes you need that spark of hope to get you started and kells is that spark for a lot of people. I’ve had many sparks along my mental health journey one of them actually being song lyrics from the song “Self Conclusion” by The Spill Canvas. I was driving home from work thinking about ending it all, I already knew how I was gonna do it — I had recently had my wisdom teeth removed and this was back when they would give you prescription pain meds for literally anything (which is how how the opioid crisis started) They gave me Percocet even though I said that I didn’t want them because I was afraid of getting addicted (addiction runs in my family) He insisted I would NEED them. But I didn’t they sat in my cabinet full and unused, and I was planning to take the bottle. I had just pulled into my driveway when the song started playing , a song I’d heard a million times before but the lyrics “we all flirt with the tiniest notion of self conclusion in one simplified motion, the trick is your never supposed to act on it, no matter how unbearable this misery gets” hit different in that moment and felt like a sign to me to stay and get help. I sat in the car and sobbed for what felt like fovever , then went inside and got rid of the pills. And did start therapy shortly after. Yearsss later when I met the lead singer I thanked him for SAVING me! Of course I was the one who decided not to go through with it and to start going to therapy , but what if I never heard that song at the exact moment I needed it , would I even be here having this conversation… there’s a good chance I wouldn’t. So yes I believe I was saved by their music!

Kells definitely gets a lot underserved hate , he has shared many times that he worries about not being appreciated until his dead. Another lyric that comes to mind is “everybody hates, but can anybody love me, guess they’ll wait until my face is on the mural” i think he finally did get a little taste of being taken more seriously when Tickets to my downfall and Mainstream sellout both went number one and her acquired a bunch of new fans . But it must be so hard to know that pretty much everyone outside of the fanbase hates him.

I don’t believe Megan helped kells to rise to fame , if anything he boosted her non existent acting career ( when was the last time you heard about Megan Fox before they got together … maybe 2007ish ) Kells gained more fame for revitalizing the pop-punk scene, but I do agree that he will be dragged for ‘loosing Megan’ I’ve already seen evidence of it in social media comments

[rewrittenwrongs]

Hidden Guardian

Part 1 | read on Ao3 (registered users only)

Jack likes to think he doesn’t have a favourite city.

Jack is a liar.

He’s plenty fond of the town he grew up in, he loves the buildings and the people and the community there, he loves letting the children who were the first to believe in him catch glimpses of him when autumn turns to winter. But he’s spent hundreds of years there. Of course he’d get bored of it eventually.

He likes the places to the north and south where winter never seems to leave. Snow and ice are part of their everyday lives, he rarely has to convince children snow isn’t always dangerous, and everyone already knows how to bundle up and save food. He likes places close to the equator too. People there always marvel at the sight of snow, they find it a strange and otherworldly miracle, and while it’s always a struggle to make temperatures low enough their wonder at every snowfall is worth it. The wind is always stronger and more playful in high altitude places, and every once in a while he stumbles upon a family on vacation seeing snow for the first time. Places that were affected by forest fires could be helped by his snow. The only people he stayed away from was people at sea, because people seemed to hate cold temperatures and it’s harder to stay warm on a boat, and because his snow usually turned to hail which seemed pretty dangerous.

Aside from that, he went everywhere. He said hi to Sandman almost every night, and now he was a Guardian he visited the others pretty regularly. He just went where it felt right, which usually meant slowly crossing the world with the cold weather, staying roughly in that edge between autumn and winter. He always spent more time in his hometown even before the kids could see him. But in the last few decades a new place has gotten his attention, a place that was just like any other city at first glance, but a proper look revealed things both absurd and dangerous.

The place was called Gotham city. It looked like something out of a cartoon or comic book, all looming skyscrapers and stone gargoyles, with a frankly ridiculous amount of warehouses. The harbours were polluted to hell and back, there were far too many homeless people, pollution and fog constantly hid the stars, and the civilians all had this feeling about them. A sense of ‘I’ve seen the worst the world has to offer, you can’t scare me’. Even the better off areas had a sort of world-weary atmosphere, hidden by taxpayer money and lavish expenses, but you could see it better in places the government didn’t care about. Each soup kitchen and laundering scheme and homeless family was people digging their nails in, refusing to give in to the system that hated them. Even the children knew what was up, they knew to travel in packs and how to run fast and how to pickpocket.

That’s probably why Jack lingered here so much. The children. They were all so… tired. The ones in ‘Crime Alley’ especially seemed like they’d seen every hardship life had to throw that them. And winter was full of those hardships. To Gotham winter meant fog and ice and misery: it meant hot chocolate and designer coats to the rich; too-expensive blankets and clothes and nights spent shivering and hungry to the homeless; and to the poor it was a choice to pay for heating and spend your winter starving or buy food and risk hypothermia. And it meant danger to everyone.

There were cities around the world with villains in them. Rogues, they were often called. Gotham had two in particular that increased behaviour during the cold months: Mr Freeze and Penguin. Jack didn’t like either of them, and not just because they made his job harder. Mr Freeze spread around ice that was innately unnatural and hard to melt, often freezing entire people in blocks of ice, and generally terrorised the entirety of Gotham. Penguin was less of a rogue, he was a crime lord; he extorted money and blackmailed and threatened and threw people aside and ruined their lives. Both of them increasing activity in winter, and their general themes, gave the people of Gotham yet another reason to hate the colder months.

Jack was in for a challenge if he ever wanted to convince the civilians that winter had its upsides. Good thing, Jack loves challenges.

That said, he wasn’t going to make a plan of ‘attack’. He much preferred to go with the flow, and where the flow led him was sort of all over the place, or nowhere in particular, until he got the message.

The message, of course, being the batsignal. Quite obvious, thank you Man in the Moon.

Most of the city didn’t even think Batman and Robin were real the first ten years or so. Batman just popped up out of the woodwork one day. He was like a cockroach—the number of broken bones and injuries Jack had seen him take was absurd, his determination even moreso. And of course, Robin. He started just a few years after Batman. Jack nearly had a heart attack when he first saw that prepubescent kid, that child, swinging across rooftops like a monkey through the jungle. It wasn’t even him fighting crime that initially sprouted Jack’s concern, oddly enough: it was the pants. Or, rather, lack thereof.

Jack was initially outraged Batman was making him wear shorts during winter, but then he noticed the skin-colour thermal tights and the insulation built into his shirt and boots, and then he overheard the conversations with Commissioner Gordon. He still had no idea why Robin chose that particular hill to die on, but to each their own. As long as he didn’t get hyperthermia.

And it seemed this new Robin had chosen the same hill. His shorts were longer, at least, and he was wearing knee guards, thank god. The number of skinned knees Nightwing got…

Anyway! This was Jack’s first visit to Gotham since officially becoming the Guardian of Fun, he’s not supposed to get sidetracked so easily. He walked to the end of the powerline he was watching from, following Batman and this new Robin with his eyes. He placed the end of his staff on the ground and let it balance with the help of a little ice. As he settled into his perch at the top he crafted a snowball into existence, the perfect little sphere of snow, which with a breath he imbued with mischief and simple joy.

Batman and Robin were on the roof opposite him, Robin tugging on Batman’s arm as if he was strong enough to drag him. He was whining about something, probably the lack of warm food. Jack leaned back his arm to throw, only for the wind to take advantage of his compromised balance and yank him off his staff.

He yelped as he caught himself in the air, snowball falling from his hand. Drat. The wind had been plenty cooperative so far tonight, why was it all of a sudden being unhelpful?

Ice swirls formed beneath his feet as he landed. “Dude!” It was always hard to glare at the wind, it being invisible and all. “What gives?”

The wind didn’t answer. Couldn’t. It tugged on his hoodie, pushing him insistently toward the edge of the roof.

“What?” Jack chuckled, eyeing the wind as best he could. It was always so playful, it reminded him of the siblings he saw around the world, of little brothers annoying their brothers on purpose.

He looked out at the street in front of him, tried to see what the wind was so interested in. It was a regular Gotham street: a little worse for wear; a little dirty and smoke stained; an abundance of graffiti; two muggers beating up some other guy in an alley. Batman and Robin were already dealing with them.

The wind shoved at Jack again, ruffling his hair. He laughed. “What?” He studied the view again. The apartment opposite him, with frost beginning to form along the windowsills. The alley with the mugging, a stray cat watching from beside a dumpster. A Chinese restaurant down the street had closed for the night, shutters closed, neon signs off. “Is it the mugging? I don’t see anything.”

He could feel the air’s exasperation. This time when it shoved at him he let it tip him over the roof edge, let himself hover a few feet below, feeling where the wind pulled him. To the left from the way he came from, this side of the street, opposite the alley. Batman was tying up the muggers while Robin comforted the victim.

But the wind didn’t point him to the vigilante justice, it pointed him to the alley beside his building. Regular dumpster. Regular trash. A kid in the fire escape. Your typical ‘fuck the cops’ graffiti—wait, what?

There was a kid in the fire escape. There was a kid. In the fire escape. Barely an hour to midnight! What were they doing here!? Why were they alone? Why did they have a camera? They were like ten! They weren’t wearing enough clothes at all!

It was times like these Jack really wished people could see him, so he could yell at them. The kids in Burgess weren’t this stupid. This one didn’t even have a beanie!

Jack huffed as he floated closer, staff returning to his hand. “What’s so exciting it’s got you in the streets at this hour?” He hoped he wasn’t another Robin-type kid. Jack land lightly on the railing behind the kid and balanced there, peeking over his shoulder at the screen of his camera. He was taking photos… of Batman?

The kid, predictably, did not answer his question, or even hear it. He rotated the lens of the camera—or the part the lens slotted into? Jack knew nothing about cameras. The kid obviously did, he held the camera with seamless familiarity, confidence. A button clicked and several photos were taken in rapid succession.

Jack glanced up at Batman and Robin, then slid forward along the railing, unconsciously forming frost along the metal as he leaned further forward. The kid shivered. Jack watched the camera screen as the kid did something to the settings, making the vigilantes go fuzzy for a moment before sliding into precise focus, and several more pictures were taken as Batman trapped the mugger to the nearby light pole and Robin guided the civilian out of the alley.

The kid barely moved, didn’t twitch a single muscle out of place, was as still as a statue but for his deft fingers clicking the button. Jack hopped off the railing and crouched beside him. They both watched as Robin and Batman finished up, as their grapples snapped out and as they leaped into the air and swung out of view.

The kid lifted his hands away from the railing where they’d been leaning, and tilted the camera so he could sift through the photos, breath pluming in the air. He was shivering. Probably due to the lack of gloves, hat, snow boots, and the jeans. At least he was wearing a coat, though it was oversized by the looks of it. His nose was so red. There were snowflakes on his lashes!

Jack watched as the kid grinned widely as he tapped through the photos. He must be seriously dedicated to his… craft, if he was willing to withstand the cold. He looked like he would sit there all night if it meant getting the perfect photo. He smiled like it was worth it.

The kid shivered particularly strongly, eyes shutting for a second. Jack realised with a start that he was probably so cold, at least somewhat, due to him.

He flew back several metres. The kid didn’t shiver any less, but he did stand up. His jeans stuck to the metal, or rather the ice coating it. Jack winced as the kid used the railing to pull himself up, camera thudding against his chest. Once he managed to stand he rubbed his red hands together vigorously and blew into them.

Jack frowned at him. If only he was one of the few kids that believed in Jack Frost’s existence, then he could bully him into going home and piling up the blankets. He reached out to the wind and it puffed a gust of cold air into the kid’s face, eliciting another shiver.

The kid thankfully got the hint. He descended to the level below, the last one, and… climbed over the railing? He stood on the outer edge of the platform with his toes poking between the bars. Jack just stared at him for a second, bewildered, before the kid was suddenly falling and Jack threw out a landing of ice before even processing the closed dumpster a few feet below him. The kid landed on the sudden slide of ice and slid safely to the ground, unharmed and confused as hell.

Jack deflated. “Kid, you’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

The kid scrambled away from the blatant clearly-not-there-a-second-ago ice slide, eyes wide as saucers. He only stopped when he was near the entrance of the alley, looking around wildly like a demon was going to pop out of the shadows.

Ah, right. Mr Freeze. Clearly the only reasonable explanation.

The kid studied the alleyway and the buildings and the sky for a long moment, before peeking out and studying the rest of the street. With a final glance over his shoulder he took off his camera and stuffed it and his hands in his pockets. He darted off alone into the city.

Jack started after him for a second before turning around to leave. The wind yanked him back by his hood.

He sighed, honestly a little glad the wind agreed, and resigned himself to following the kid home to make sure he got there safely.

[silviakundera]

Ok here is a key change from the Story of Kunning Palace novel to the tv series! I 100% see why this was cut out, but it's quite an important character moment.

The You Fangyin that Jiang Xuening bonded with while confined in the palace was a transmigrator from modern day. (That's why she takes her rebirth so well without questioning it.) This is her 1st big moral test in this new life - she will benefit from linking up with a brilliant buisness woman from the future. It might really change the game for her. But this woman was her only friend during that horrible time and she knows how miserable the woman was to be stuck in ancient times. In her first life, Jiang Xuening didn't kill with her own hands but deaths and misery were allowed because of her self-centered choices and her inaction. What kind of person will she become in her 2nd?

Jiang Xuening only took the sachet from Tang'er's hand. The graceful peony was embroidered with white thread, so it had a kind of elegance, but now it was spotted with tears, and there was a stain.

She blinked and looked down.

Under her thick long eyelashes, there is a dark shadow.

She could hear the cold voice in her heart: Leave it alone, leave it alone. So many people die every day in the world, what's the difference of having one more? Don't worry about it, in a few hours, you will be able to see the real "You Fangyin".

[...]

Jiang Xuening knew that many people were secretly looking at her, but she didn't care.

She didn't come here for the banquet.

And hated these hypocritical entertainments in Beijing, basically stopped talking after sitting down, just listened to other people chatting nonchalantly, with only one You Fangyin in mind.

The face of You Fangyin she knew in the previous life, and the figure of You Fangyin she met in this life, kept interlacing and flickering in her mind, overlapping and separating, which disturbed her.

[...]

"Gag her and press her down to wake up!"

There seemed to be a woman's desperate whimpering in the middle, but it was extremely vague.

Jiang Xuening's footsteps stopped on this quiet road with few people. Suddenly, she realized what was happening on the other side of the flower tree, and rationality urged her to leave quickly.

But the feet didn't listen at all.

She didn't know if she was crazy, but she gently raised her hand and pulled away a branch, looking in through the gap.

There is a small lotus pond over there.

It's just that in the late autumn, the lotus and lotus leaves in summer have already withered, leaving a pool full of decay, which has not yet been cleaned up.

At this moment, there are three rough envoys by the pool.

One of them had a furious face and wiped his wrist with a handkerchief. One of the other two wives grabbed You Fangyin's hand and the other held You Fangyin's head, and threw her into the water.

Jiang Xuening only heard that You Fangyin in her previous life changed her temperament after falling into the water, but she didn't know it was this way of "falling into the water"!

Standing behind her, Tang'er was horrified.

Jiang Xuening felt chills all over her body. The voice that had shouted in her heart before surfaced again, sharper and harsher than last time—

do not go.

do not go.

Everyone has their own destiny, the original You Fangyin was timid and stupid, and would only be bullied. You can only save her for a while, can you save her forever?

And don't you really want to see another You Fangyin?

Don't go, don't go.

You are not the one killing, just one who stood by and watched!

The rough envoys were scolded by the two young ladies for You Fangyin's escape from the firewood house. They hated her, a concubine born to an unknown concubine, who didn't know how to flatter, and wanted to torture her in a way she wouldn't forget.

This was very heavy handed. Press the person's head into the water, let her thrash and struggle, and don't let her get up.

You Fangyin was locked in the woodshed for several days, didn't eat much, and was beaten again, how much strength was left?

It's just that after struggling a few times, the body can't move anymore.

The water in the pool was icy cold, pouring into her mouth and nose, and it was difficult to breathe. The previous fierce resistance gradually weakened, and a section of her delicate neck slowly sank into the pool water...

What kind of desperate gesture was that?

Jiang Xuening was stunned suddenly.

No one understands the fear of death better than her, because she has experienced it once.

At this moment, seeing You Fangyin no longer struggling, there was a bang in her head: really seeing such an innocent girl being murdered in front of her, and really feeling that once the "You Fangyin" she was waiting for came, can she become close friends with her with a clear conscience like in the previous life?

At that moment, Jiang Xuening's rationality could not be controlled after all, when she yelled "Stop", she knew that the warnings she had given herself in the past few days were all in vain!

She is a selfish person.

But she wasn't bad enough.

[...]

Jiang Xuening stood aside, watching their rescue with cold eyes, and also looked at this familiar face, but her heart was in a trance like never before, and for a moment she couldn't even tell whether she was looking forward to it or fearing it more.

She thought she was being hypocritical.

Obviously she could have come forward to reprimand earlier, but she had to wait until the girl was dying before coming out to stop this.

Perhaps, this is how she will comfort herself: it is not that she was unwilling to save her, nor is she intentionally bringing You Fangyin into this world that she hates; Jiang Xuening tried her best, but she just couldn't stop it.

"cough!"

The rough envoy patted twice but there was no response, so she slapped the girl on the back with great strength in a panic, and pinched the girl again, who then coughed violently and coughed up all the water that had been swallowed.

A pair of eyes opened slowly and tiredly.

At this moment, Jiang Xuening didn't stand firm, her body swayed, and she took two steps back.

Those eyes are not intelligent and transparent.

She didn't have the kind of sobriety and indifference that Jiang Xuening was familiar with, on the outside and looking at the world indifferently.

There was only panic, a clumsy dullness.

Not her.

In Jiang Xuening's heart, something crashed to the ground, as if she had been redeemed. But immediately, there was a kind of unparalleled loneliness that surged up and submerged her.

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Do you think Kakashi decided to take revenge on Kakazu for the whole, killing him thing in GOS.

Not neccesarily because of the murder itself. They fight all the time. Them killing each other seemed inevitable. And due to the whole experience he got to explore life, mortality, an entire life time of love, and saw the world through fresh eyes. If anything his experience being human had a profound and positive impact on Kakashi's life as a whole.

But he hurt Gai. As a BABY. He killed his parents. And then when Kakazu himself was human, he used Kakashi's absence to get rich and screw over innocent people, whilst hoarding resources EVERYONE needed in a time of crisis.

He is getting revenge but not by killing him, but by ruining EVERY business venture of scheme Kakazu has.

Kakazu has a water related business? Kakashi makes an entire new lake/ rivers so everyone else can have water, and floods his dams. Kakazu has factories of illigal goods, oops who leaked all that info? Also the building burnt down due to a stray electric bolt. Kakazu's giant and lovely mansion? Falls over, burns down and then sinks into a swamp (Kakashi had fun with that one.). Even all of Kakazu's business partners, associates and "friends and family" all get told all the horrible things he did, does, and says about them.

Kakazu gets to live a VERY long life full of misery, with everything he covets taken away, and no one beside him when he dies.

...only for his godhood to awaken and see a NEW god ready to fight him, in the form of Miato Gai.

Whether Kakazu is humbled by this experience, is anyone's guess.

(If Kakashi is allowed he is totally destroying Kakazu's temples of worship! That is, if Sakumo didn't already do that...)

Temple destruction is forbidden and tbh, Kakashi would never. He may not understand why people worship Kakuzu, but he does believe in freedom to do stupid shit (like worship Kakuzu) so he’s not touching the temples.

But Kakuzu living to be around 100 years old, with the first 30 years of his life being prosperous and full of riches and the last 70 years of his life full of bad luck and mis fortune?

Kakashi will do that

And honestly it’s not even because Kakuzu hurt Gai, it’s more that Kakuzu tried to use Gai for his own goals and now he’s using the lack of Kakashi’s rain’s and everything else he can to get rich while screwing over other’s.

Kakashi doesn’t like that.

So maybe he nudges Nakano to create a new river nearby the village Kakuzu is in, where people can go for a swim instead of paying the exuberant prices Kakuzu bas listed for the tiny swimming pool he had made.

Maybe one day while Kakuzu is on the market trying to sell some goods that are way over priced, a flash flood hits that seems to miraculously hit ONLY his stall.

Maybe Kakashi overflows a few damns so that the water Kakuzu was hoarding now goes to everyone

In mortal life Kakuzu finds himself hating Kakashi just as much as he did as an immortal, though he won’t realize it until his mortal life comes to an end and he becomes immortal once again

And as much as Kakashi would love to kill Kakuzu again, he doesn’t, because he thinks that’s too nice after all the suffering Kakuzu has brought on people.

He wants Kakuzu to have a long life

It doesn’t change shit about who Kakuzu is inherently or what he believes in (Kakuzu will never change) and Hidan is doing his best to get in Kakashi’s way/help Kakuzu in small ways so he can keep going

But Kakuzu isn’t so much worried about Gai when he becomes a god again.

It’s Kakashi that he has learned not to pick a fight with.

Gai will punch you in the face and make you bleed

Kakashi will meticulously tear your life apart and make you suffer

I’d say Hashirama wants to stop Kakashi at some point because he hates seeing anyone suffering, but Madara’s holding him back with the biggest smile because this is the most exciting shit he has ever seen Kaakshi do and he’s not letting Hashirama ruin it for him

[seyoonlgc]

tw: mentions of parental neglect, death, emotional abuse & childhood trauma.

Mother had heard about Chuseok, and asked to see him. Though it was only for dinner - a mere three hours of his time, Seyoon responded with no, I have a hair appointment. The line was silent on the other side for some time upon hearing this, and he imagined his mother's perfect brows furrowing from the sheer audacity of this excuse.

He hoped she'd get mad. Would have loved it if she hung up on him.

Instead, she asked again, using a softer voice. Said she will do the dye for him and cook all of his favorite things.

Seyoon relented, because a part of him will always be weak for her was curious if she could deliver on that promise. Wondered if somehow, despite never asking once, she would actually know what he liked.

Disappointment was a bitter pill to swallow, so Seyoon washed it down with some of the well seasoned ginseng chicken soup her majesty had made. She did indeed cook up a table full of food. All of the dishes were delicious, but not a single one was right for him. She also didn't take him to the home she shared with her husband and instead, to the apartment she'd let him use before, bought for her by another man some years ago.

"I'm thinking of going blonde," Seyoon started, but realized she already had the right shade of dye in her hands.

"I know," she answered with a smile that looked hauntingly like his own. "It will suit you." Her majesty sifted through his hair. "My Seyoon will look handsome." Seyoon's heart lifted. "Just not as much as Yoosoo's boy." And it sank. "Never as much as him." Ouch.

Mother, dear mother...Sometimes he wondered why she didn't pretend harder with him the way she did everybody else.

Perhaps she couldn't, after all, she hated him. It was rather despicable, though, how she dared to hate him when she was the one who made the choice to bring him into the world. She forced him to be here and made him endure all the consequences of her irresponsibility and lack of discretion.

There was a time when Seyoon had hoped otherwise. Convinced himself that she perhaps cared about him, and just never reached out because she had good reasons. Even after finding all the letters his step mom hid from him, he still hoped, that's why one call from Korea got him hopping on a plane.

Was it wrong? Was it wrong for a son to want to be loved by his own mother? Was it wrong to leave everything he knew behind just so he could ask why?

People thought he came to this country to follow his dream, but in reality, he was desperately seeking closure.

Want to hear a terrible secret?

There was a song his mother sang to him when he was a baby. In one of the only videos he had of her, she carried him tenderly in her arms and took him for a walk around the pond, humming sweetly. Apparently this was something she did often back in the day. His father remembered part of the harmony and hummed it to him too at times. As a teenager, he searched for the song endlessly and it wasn't until he'd arrived at Korea did he finally find out what it was about. While bearing a lovely melody, the song was about misery and death. A boy who had lost his beloved walked calmly into the river and ended his suffering once and for all. When his mother walked by the pond with her baby, humming about glassy eyes and lungs filling with water, was she perhaps tempted to lose the giggling bundle that was in truth her ball and chain?

Let's be honest, if people did not find out that she had a son prior to this marriage and blow it up, she would have never called him. Everything she was doing after that phone call was for her own image. That was why no matter how wild his parties got or how late he was out drinking, she never scolded him. And in fact, offered hungover soup sometimes in silent encouragement.

Destroy yourself.

Die so you won't be my problem anymore.

I never wanted you, and your father didn't either. Nobody ever did, just die.

Mother started humming the song again, and even now, knowing exactly what it was about, Seyoon felt his shoulders relaxing and his eyelids drooping as if somebody fed him spoonfuls of Nyquil.

This was the first person he'd ever loved - he loved her before knowing her, before knowing himself. This love had become part of his system, ran in his blood through every vein and entrenched deep even into his subconscious. It was poison, and destructive, but the very thought of trying to cleanse her out completely made him stiffen in fear.

See, the mother-child connection had a strength Seyoon could not deny, however toxic theirs was.

[ppinp]

Ismail

I hate that my first reaction was wait for me on the other side of my self-inflicted misery Underneath a freshly bloomed giving tree But that wasn't you, that wasn't for me This experience taught me the kind of love i need - patient

New record a month and a week. From full moon to full moon to fool and then During that time you fragmented my mind, had me questioning what I held as divine, underlined what I already knew as the ultimate truth about myself and the world, almost knocked me off course but thank God I have a higher calling to keep me aligned. When my friends ask, "What happened to you late November thru December" I'll tell them - I had a whirlwind romance Not because we were mad love meant to be, but through some unspeakable tragedy we couldn't But because I don't remember. I don't remember you asking me a single question about me I don't remember you hearing when I needed space yet managed to convince me that I didn't put in effort... But because it was mad tough from the beginning - fights about semantics controlling language And when the few that have seen us two together ask me: Are you still seeing Ismail - I'll tell them no and give you my blessing if you want your experiences negated your mind faded your feelings invalidated your language controlled while you feed his ego and soul

because you don't have casual sex - only have sex with the people you have conquered already, who hope for something more than a spot on the shelf Possibilities, mistaken for toxicity Reading my notes makes me angry how you seeped into my mind so unnoticeably framing me as the one to blame

Your name and last picture made me Smile Dismantled gender conventions, like the last one, I thought Full of never-ending stories lacking any questions masked by "discomfort" then you wonder why you didn't know the last one why you didn't know me, why you won't know the next one. Connect your patterns, I'll make my own conclusions even if we said it's a common decision. You chose for me, and I'm endlessly grateful that you set me free. Early morning, 5C I thought you could be my anchor but you sent me off into the tick January fog. 5 AM the silent ship by Yahya Kemal Beyatlı I think it's funny how you had a poem at the ready Man of polarities things not adding up my body knew it before I could put it together your calm voice vs your violent messages your fidelity promises vs self confessed attempts at cheating

The only time you let me speak was when I was on stage getting to know me thru my craft was my fist to you and although I wanted to take agecy and get to knowyou in my own way you never pause talking at me - I never got to ask my questions you never got to know me you compared my boobs to triangles yet the point you should have hit on repeat you missed and missed no, touch me like this afraid to interrupt your flow a term youused to mask your selfish acts

calling it by another name didnt change the fact that I didn't cum

We could have been the best that ever was But somehow we couldn't be On the daily you brought out the worst in me A million times better than the last guy who yanked my bar clear out of the sky it was so easy to compete when it was flushed to the ground You were so willing and giving I had forgotten how is to be treated well There was something about you that made me vibrate in all the wrong ways perhaps that fear made me hold you at arm's lenght but you lured me in with promises of softness how you wanted to be on my mental journey with me and how everything was together but that was all smoke and mirrors He was to me Who I was to you Always making space always bending time It was nice until it wasn't I shouldn't have hung up I'll admit it but your frequent interruption didn't permit it Funny how all your lasts would not talk at you but from their pasts but when you have trust issues that's suddenly more valid

[sadsimp]

Lines I think fit T^T

Creepypasta ocs

(From random lyrics/poems/etc)

              _*Sad Warning*_

*Most are about Miracle and Misery unless stated otherwise* 

“You and I, we were born to die”- Miracle and Misery

I think it’s pretty obvious why this line works for them. They were doomed from the start. 

Miracle was born into a ‘religious’ church family although they worshipped a demonic spirit instead of ‘God’. It’s unknown what the demon was, its name or what it could do. He called his father and mother, “Sir” and “Ma’am” and if he called them anything else he would be punished. Around the age of 4 his parents couldn’t find a sacrifice, so they decided to use their son. 

It didn’t go as planned and the demon was fused with him. He was very lucky to be alive, although it was a painful experience. There was many times where he should’ve been dead but thanks to Fall, Annalise, etc.. and Garlic kept him alive. Except when he needed it most. Garlic wanted to see what would happen if he didn’t help Miracle. After he was cremated Garlic was ‘freed’. Since Miracle was technically dead, Garlic wasn’t able to get control. 

Misery’s life was full of pain. Deaf, half blind, couldn’t even stand physical contact, constant nightmares, random blood coming from his nose/ears/eyes/etc. He worked extremely hard to become as skilled as he did, he had to overcome immense pain. Fall was never given the information about what demon his father is, so they both had to learn what his abilities were. He was always at a disadvantage due to being deaf and unfortunately panics when fighting. 

At least now they can rest peacefully. 

“Having to learn how to live without you is a lesson I never wanted to learn”- Fall, Helen, Charlotte 

We’ll start off with Helen first. She really loved those kids, I mean she was almost always babysitting them. After a while Miracle and Misery started calling her “Aunt Peach” because that’s what Fall always calls Helen. She always made sure they were well cared for and was the only one to say she loved them. She was heartbroken after hearing that The Boss wouldn’t revive them.

Charlotte always hung out with them, and helped train them occasionally and she misses it so much. She was shocked at how Fall reacted to their deaths, she certainly did not expect them to completely break down. She was with them almost every day of their lives. For her the aftermath hurts worse than the empty presence of them. 

Fall centered their life around the kids. They were already growing up in a shitty world and Fall wasn’t going to make it worse. They did everything a non neglectful, non abusive parent did, teaching them everything, cooking, cleaning, training,etc. They didn’t stop cursing or changed their home to much (after they got both of them. They used to live in a one bedroom house with a basement) but everything else? Changed because they thought it was best for them. Now they need to go back to how it was before them. 

“His voice. Don’t let me forget his voice”- Fall 

Fall has an awful memory which is why Annalise and Charlotte do most of the memorizing info for missions. Unfortunately they forget very easily and they hate himself because of it. They are very grateful for Helen recording the kids so they can keep replaying the kids noises. 

“Missing you is the hardest thing I’ve got to deal with everyday”- Fall, Charlotte, Helen, Annalise, Archie

With Annalise it could be going two ways: her family before she was forced into this “job” and the boys deaths. She misses her mother and sister with her soul, it’s been 50 years since she last saw them(time works differently so it’s not actually 50 years). She misses the boys and she has (sort of) no shame in saying that. She doesn’t let it show though, she grieves silently and alone. 

Charlotte misses the pranks they would get into and having sleepovers. She thought of them as siblings, they went to her for shenanigans and would randomly show up at her house just to fuck with her. She starts staying with Fall just to feel another person’s presence. 

Archie wasn’t always there because he does longer missions but he did enjoy Fall and the kids raiding his and Billy’s  cabinets for food even if Billy hated it. He did like watching the two train with Fall(not in that way), he thought it was hilarious that Fall didn’t hold back. He’s gonna miss Miracle asking him questions about his missions after returning and he’ll miss Misery’s pranks towards Billy.

Helen misses taking care of them and them raiding their fridge. She loved cooking for them and going to the Korean convenient store every week(she would insist of buying but Fall is much faster). She still buys/cooks so much food because she’s not used to her own portions, she’s used to the kids and Falls as well. She misses the story time dinners where someone would start ranting about their day and either Fall or Miracle translating Misery for her. 

Annalise will miss driving them around and protecting them. Miracle was always getting into fights as he got older and when Fall was working Annalise would step in. Misery would cause chaos just for the sake of it. What’s different between Fall and Annie is that Annie actually disciplines/scolds them after it happens. Occasionally when Falls legs weren’t  moving they’d ask her for a ride which she always said yes. They’d talk and the kids would always brag about her truck and Annie herself. 

Fall is obvious so I won’t elaborate too much. They miss everything, just like everyone else but they don’t have a specific thing he’ll miss. They miss their presence, laughs, stories, pranks, dirty clothes, do I need to go on? 

“I should’ve hugged you tighter the last time I saw you”- Fall, Helen

Helen is so full of love so of course she’s here. She’s very affectionate and loved hugging/kissing/cuddling Miracle(not that way ofc). Her love language is physical touch and she overthinks everything, she hopes that the kids knew she loved them.

Fall wasn’t really the physically affectionate type due to how insecure they are about his scars so they tried to avoid it. They didn’t go out of their way for affection but if the kids want  it, they would allow it. They didn’t really say “I love you” a lot either they showed it but they think it wasn’t enough and the kids died thinking he didn’t love them. 

“I fucking lost it as soon as I lost you”- Fall

It speaks for itself. They took their death horribly and struggled with the grieving process. They didn’t know what to do with themselves. Sure before and during the kids living with them, they didn’t take the best care of themselves but it got incredibly worse after. It’s almost like they stopped living and caring(this happened when they first were taken to). 

They didn’t go to work so The Boss went to their house and punished them, and they didn’t bother to address their wounds so they let himself bleed out until Annie came in a few hours later. Every wound they got they’d ignore which lend them to bleed out a few more times before Annie/Helen would take matters into their own hands. 

He stopped eating/drinking unless it was forced down but they got too weak to fight back at that point or just didn’t care anymore. Did die of starvation once and dehydration twice. Started to get their strength back after they had the thought of finding who killed the kids. 

They aren’t as kind either afterwards only to people they know. They have a much worse temper which results in constants fights and makes it difficult for others to talk/get along with them. Good thing Brian is a very patient man 😏(sorry)

“There are so many things I have wanted to tell you, and it breaks my heart every time because I can’t”- Fall, Annalise 

Fall never verbally told them she loves them and regrets it. He wanted to tell them so many things, things they haven’t even thought of yet but will never get to anymore. 

Annalise never told them she loved them either or even say good job. She would want to say they were doing good and she was very proud of them. 

“All my grief says the same thing: 

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. 

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. 

And the worlds laughs, holds me by the throat and says: but this is how it is”- Fall, Annalise, Charlotte 

For Annalise, it’s about her family and her life now. She didn’t want this nor does she like it but it’s life.

For Charlotte it’s both about her life and the kids. She didn’t know why her mother made a deal with The Boss, it’s  why she has to do all these awful things but she does it because she can do nothing else. She expected the kids to live forever with them or at least The Boss revive them. 

Fall didn’t expect The Boss to say she didn’t have a need for the kids anymore. She didn’t expect to have kids or them dying either. “What if I need them?” Was a thought that was not spoken. 

“After you left, nothing made any sense: it felt like the world was ending, yet the sun kept rising day after day”- Fall

They genuinely believed the world ended, they thought Miracle and Misery deserved the universe and more. They made the kids their world, their reason to come back alive and uninjured.  Unfortunately the universe had other plans and let their world be tortured and bleed out on the cold hard grass. 

They dread when the sun peaks through the curtains because it means another day without them. They think, “How dare you shine on this dreadful, disgusting earth. How dare you try to mimic their brightness.” And proceed to bury their head in the stuffed animals with the perfume and sob. 

“The heart paused by grief, it never quite regains its beat”- Fall

Fall will never be the same. It’s buried away deep and only lets people they’re close to see it. Of course it comes out when he distracts himself and he can hold a normal conversation but at first it’s few and far between. After the conversations they get quiet, almost like he’s guilty of enjoying the conversation, she thinks she doesn’t deserve it. 

They’re no longer polite or generous. They’re cruel, and you better pray you don’t bad mouth the kids in front of them because they’ll find you later and torture you and your family, burn your house, and then feed you to their dogs. And then repeat until you apologized, and still might do it even if you did apologize. 

Her heart beats faster without them, they calmed them down a lot and helped with anxiety in a small way. They’re anxious and distressed, on the verge of a panic attack constantly. 

It only slows when they’re bleeding out on the bathroom floor, hoping finally it’ll be done. Of course that’s not the case because Annie gets them to the infirmary and then cleans up their wounds. Helen always holds their wrist after as well, she wants to feel his heartbeat and tries to calm them down with tea but it never works. 

Their heart hurts. What they could’ve/ should’ve said to them, or done with them. It’s almost like Miracle’s hands are gripping their heart, nails digging in the flesh trying to stop it from beating and growing. Misery’s hands keep punching it with all his strength to remind them what happened. They might get better but life will never be the same. 

“And life went on. It was not the same, but it went on”- Fall, Annalise, Charlotte 

I feel like I keep repeating myself so I’ll keep it shorter. 

Annalise definitely feels this way about her family. She keeps on living, doing the best she can because she refuses to become a human incubator for this fucking world.

With Charlotte it fits with her family and the kids. Life will always go on even if she begs it to stop so she can have a moment to cope and let her and everyone else grieve for a second. 

Life never will be the same for Fall. Sure they might find who did it and continuously torture them, and they may or may not get a boyfriend but it’ll never feel completely right. Nothing feels right to them anymore. 

“Their death sucked the color and life out of my soul”-Fall (originally ‘he’ but I changed it)

It literally fits I have no other words because I don’t wanna keep repeating things😭

“The world just kept turning 

I never forgave it for that”- Fall, Helen

They both hate the fact nothing really happened after the kids deaths. Annalise didn’t take any time off, Billy didn’t care at all,  while Helen, Charlotte, and Fall are hurt and angry at the fact everything went back to ‘normal’. Charlotte isn’t as distressed as the other two which is why I didn’t include her. 

Helen and Fall think of the kids almost every second in the early stages and with time they get better. Fall takes forever to get to the point where they say “I’m okay.” They both grieve longer than the others. 

Helen sort of holds it against the others for moving on quicker than her and Fall, while Fall doesn’t remember much about the early stages of grieving and he understands that people grieve differently. He hates the world for not taking a second to let it sink in. 

“I cry for the life you lived and the one you didn’t”- Fall, Helen

Miracle had a girlfriend did you know? Fall scared her to the point Miracle and Misery had to tell them to leave her alone. Fall didn’t really approve of her but they weren’t going to forbid him from dating her. He talked of her a lot and so fondly. 

Misery had a little crush on a guy in the village too. He works a farmer and went with his Dad to deliver the produce. He didn’t know ASL or LSM either but they were able to write on a small notebook. He seemed very polite and willing to learn ASL which Fall was pleased about. 

Helen loved to listen to Miracle talk about his girlfriend and read what Miracle writes down while Fall didn’t really care that much. If they wanted to talk to Fall, they did but Fall wasn’t that interested in their kids love life. Besides the fact they wanted someone to treat them right. They didn’t want to impact it that much because it’s the kids lives, they should love whoever makes them happy.

Miracles girlfriend came to the house a few days after his death and Helen had to tell her. Fall was to distressed and she feared that Fall would attack her. Miserys crush came to the house after two weeks and asked for him, to which Fall broke down again and Charlotte told him. 

They both wish the kids could’ve had a better life. Helen and Charlotte do talk to them and keep them updated while Fall wants nothing to do with them. Although Misery’s crush does try to talk with them and Miracle’s girlfriend avoids them as well, which makes it seem like she didn’t care about him at all, at least to Fall. 

“When it aches I quietly tell myself that we will talk tomorrow. I know tomorrow never comes but it gets me through today, and I have a lifetime of todays to go”- Fall, Annalise

Even if Annalise doesn’t show her grief to others, she wants them back. She believes that she shouldn’t go to Fall because he’s not in the right mind to comfort others. She says “One day at a time” but it doesn’t help. She hopes that it gets easier and she believes it might. 

She loved talking with the kids but doesn’t talk like they’re still there. She feels it’s wrong  to talk to them like they’re listening because she doesn’t believe that they are but wont stop others. 

Nothing helps Fall but they try to take it one day at a time as well. More of ‘one hour at a time’ because the days seem so much longer and filled with pain. Everything seems stretched out unnecessarily, at most like it’s the worlds way of rubbing it in. You think it’s bad right now? You have a long way to go. 

“No one wants to hear of the healing while they’re still pulling the knife from their wound. So please allow me to bury my sorrow. Allow me to grieve. I will join you in the sun another day but today, I must weep with this rain”- Fall

It takes a little more than a decade for them to get better which is understandable. They would feel a bit better after finding the person who killed them but only to cause them extreme pain of all kinds. 

They felt weak acting this way in front of everyone, they’re supposed to be the strong one. They hated how Charlotte helped around the house while he couldn’t move, and how she and Helen helped paint the shelf and decorate it for the kids. 

They hate how Helen keeps bringing a lot of food and eating dinner together, how she refuses to call to request a cleaning but does it all herself, and how she always tries to calm them down.

They hated Annalise for cleaning and bandaging their wounds, forcing them to eat and drink along with Helen, and how she took care of the pets. They hate the fact Annie laid down next to them and whispered songs to her as he sobbed more though. 

How could they move so easily while they felt he was moving like a robot? How are their hands not shaking? How can you be so sweet still? Why aren’t you filled with hatred? Why won’t you let me die? Why do I hate what you are doing when I should be appreciative? 

Some would say they constantly have a rain cloud over them, blank expression, frown, and then blowing up at the smallest things. 

Soon, he can leave the house and take a walk under the sun they despise. Bit by bit they heal. 

“I look up to the sky and talk to you. What I wouldn’t give to hear you talk back. I miss your voice, I miss your laughter, I miss everything about you”- Fall, Charlotte 

I really do think that Charlotte would fit this, she misses the conversations so she acts like they’re still semi there or at least they’re listening. She hopes that they’re with her as she continues on. 

Fall often loses themselves in their mind and forgets that the kids are gone. They continue to talk like they’re there and well. In the middle of the grocery store, they picked up broccoli and turned to see if it was okay with the kids. The spots of the kids were empty, so feeling even more lonely they still bought it even though they hate broccoli. 

Doesn’t count as talking to them but I wanted to include it not only because I liked the scenario but to show that they’re stuck in their brain. They ask the animals if they are excited to see the kids because they’ve been at Aunt Peach’s house from time to time. They occasionally in the truck after a mission with Annalise say they need to hurry home and make dinner for everyone. And then they realize and break all over again. 

“I lay awake in my room as the hours passed and tired to remember when I was your parent for the last time”- Fall (originally was ‘your daughter’)

They relive the mission quite a lot from nightmares to flashbacks. It’s the only thing they can remember from that day besides what happened after, it’s foggy though. Memories keep leaving and he tries so hard to keep them. Everything is fuzzy and all they can remember is the awful memories. 

After a punishment for not going to work they laid bleeding on their bed waiting. Reliving everything and thinking about what could’ve been. 

[quinnlarrabee]

What we'll lose besides weight because of the new obesity cure

Rippling abs may no longer require a life of deprivation and misery, says science.

New drugs called GLP1-agonists, developed by people who love cake and hate exercise, claim to make you thin with just one injection each week and a bit of insurance fraud. By slowing down the rate of “gastric emptying” (which sounds like the clinical term of puking) and telling the hypothalamus not to be hungry, it prolongs feelings of fullness and reduces appetite, which gradually turns obese people into magazine centerfolds. As someone whose fragile self-worth is based primarily on my body composition, for which I’ve sacrificed all manner of edible joy, months-worth of sleep and probably several relationships, I find this pharmaceutical innovation troubling. The prospect of this drug not only eliminates the excuse I use to justify being obsessive about exercise and annoying about food, it also makes me feel like I studied my whole adult life for a test that suddenly no one even has to take. Now I know what it feels like to be a post-calculator era mathematician. I don’t remember a day when I didn’t do some form of mindless, compulsive exercise, and I regularly decline dinner invitations not just because I don’t like people but also because of the lack of control I have over what restaurants put into their hedonistic devil food. I think the world (I, especially) stand to lose more than we will gain from this weight-loss wonder-drug.

It’s true that we’ll save billions of dollars each year on healthcare, lifespans will extend, and entire continents of cotton will be spared when there is no longer a buyer for size XXXL, but let’s quantify what this miracle cure for fatness will cost us:

Yo-mamma-so-fat jokes. Yo-mamma-so-skinny jokes just aren’t as funny.

Santa Claus. Who wants to sit on the lap of a jolly skinny guy?

The cultural identity of Wisconsin.

Exciting extra-marital affairs. Why else will people stray after 7 years of marriage?

Arm rest disputes on airplanes. No more hilarious, silent, passive aggressive fights at 37,000 feet.

The revenue generated every time someone says, “super-size it” at McDonalds. How will this affect the already teetering economy?

Spanx.

France’s myopic, xenophobic perception of America.

Late night infomercials for specious diet fads.

78% of the subject matter of magazines targeted to women. What’s next – a pill for having a real orgasm with a man without months of ego-sensitive coaching, meditative fantasizing, and hidden vibrators?

Skinny mirrors.

The enduring relevance and rising value of vintage Jane Fonda VHS workout videos.

Mumus.

Sumo wrestling.

Man bras, aka bros.

Inspiring gastric bypass surgery success stories.

Daytime makeover television shows.

Academy awards given to perfectly fit actors called Brendan Fraser, who are enjoying a very brief career resurgence, for wearing fat suits in gripping, tragic films called The Whale.

Whales.

The income of unqualified / uncertified Instagram trainers and nutritionists who are just capitalizing on their own genetic lottery win.

Using being bullied for being a chubby preteen as an excuse for being emotionally stunted and eternally single, even though they didn’t have this drug when I was a chubby preteen.

Therapy.

The list of what we will inevitably lose with this miracle drug (that will make the entire world happier, healthier and wealthier) is endless, or at least goes to 24 or 25. I can only hope that the éclaire lobby pressures the FDA hard enough to discover some lethal side effect so that the world can continue to benefit from obesity and that I can continue to compensate for my personality defects with a rare 31-inch waist.  

On that personal note, I’d like you to consider what I will lose if the weight loss drug hits pharmacy shelves.

Overweight people make me feel better about my ennui. I see merry fat folks in the world, and I think, they may be happier than me, but I have cum gutters. Maybe they wake up and eat chocolate chip scones in bed with their equally plump life partner who finds their love handles endearing, because they’re good enough people to see past a few extra pounds, recounting over cups of whole milk cappuccinos their fond, shared memories of the dumplings and gravy fries they ate for dessert last night, while I wake up alone in the mocking expanse of my king sized bed (that does not have even the slightest body depression) before riding to the gym on my superficial high horse where I’ll stare at the black rubber floor while holding a plank for so long that I pop a blood vessel in my left eye so that I can fit into sample sizes and wear a speedo in Europe with American impunity. Sure, they’re better liked by everyone because they order fries for the table and have joy in their lives, but people I don’t even know ask me in domestic airport lounges for kale juicing tips when they sense how skinny and sad I am.

This drug will force me to find meaning outside of a mirror, and I’m just not ready to do that caliber of self-work. I’m not ready to distinguish myself on the talents that I’ll be forced to discover and hone when everyone has no more than 7% body fat. I want to remain a special snowflake purely thanks to my v-shaped torso, which I’ll probably be able to maintain for only another year or two. If I had the discipline and grit to do anything in life but squats, bench presses and body-judge other people, I would ask you to sign a petition demanding the end of research into drugs that eliminate obesity and level the beauty playing field so that we can focus instead on what someone looks like on the inside. In lieu of a petition, please just forward this to someone you know who spends far too much time on their abs along with the caption, “lol jokes on u.”